#ANYWAY my favourite film of the year for SUREE

[hayden-christensen]

BARBIE dir. Greta Gerwig | released July 21, 2023

@pscentral event 22: 2023 wrapped

[eggmeralda]

in my 2 years of college I only ever got one picture of that tree I always drove past on the way home and this is the only picture I can currently find of it (unless I find the physical photo somewhere) but anyway there he is in the middle

[lehnsherrrr]

Here’s a collection of all the gayest cherik gifs I could find, with a description for why each one of them is gay because micro movements and body language are my favourite. (I’m autistic and focus on details instead of the big picture.)

First things first.

The way he’s just STARING, and he does this a lot, like pretty much always. But as Charles turns, Erik stays in the same place, meaning he is now weirdly close to him. The only place he could look is Charles neck and jawline, which is CRAZY, but what’s crazier is how he does it so confidently.

Charles goes to put his arm up, but decides not too. Even after this I’m pretty sure he has his arm around Erik anyway, but it’s actually gayer that Charles had a moment to think ‘Wait I shouldn’t put my arm there. He could’ve just done it, but instead he had to think about it.

The calm before the violence. The way Charles sees them both there, then actually realises it’s Erik, and his eyes light up. Also love the way you can see Erik’s reflection, it’s beautiful.

But of course that tender love that came so instinctively immediately washes away as the past 10 years come flooding back. But for just a moment, the shock of seeing Erik again made him forget about the pain.

Also see, Erik’s moment of recognition. This isn’t the pretty shiny professor big eyes, soft face, and love radiating from him. This is a tired grizzled man, a whole 10 years older, no longer prim and proper, no longer the star student. And also in this moment, Charles doesn’t have his powers, so Erik also can’t feel those constant rays of love being sent from him, which he so heavily associated with him. He might even only recognise him because they’re face to face, but he still manages it, cause how could he ever forget Charles.

More on that previous idea, here Erik immediately recognises Charles from just the presence of him alone. It’s been another 10 years, Charles hasn’t even spoken, and Erik already knows he’s there.

Think of it, him going through all this darkness and pain, standing there wallowing in a shadow. And then suddenly, there’s a light. That beam of love that he hadn’t felt for over 20 years now, but it’s stuck with Erik, because he holds onto it so dearly.

These two gifs together. If these are the brotherly friend enemies bros that the movies were supposed to portray them as, then there was absolutely no reason for either of them to be so stricken with emotion about the other that they are brought to tears.

You can feel it if you look at them here, you can feel your heart ache as theirs do. There are words unspoken, tears spilling out as they think about the other, thinking about coming back together.

Okay easing up from the heartbreak. Aftercare for the emotional rawdogging I just put you through.

Look at this hoe. GIRL LOOK AWAY??? FOR ONE SECOND??? I don’t think Charles even feels that strongly for Erik in this moment, but Erik sure does. Look at him, the pure admiration in his eyes. Terrible.

In this part of the film, Erik is still in awe at Charles. Everything Charles does is so full of love, Erik can’t even comprehend it. Especially that this love was being directed towards him, towards people Charles didn’t even know. He’s dumbstruck.

And then this. What. Girl. WHAT.

As a queer person, it’s rare that I have such an intensely gay moment. Look at it. There’s not even tension here, they’re so relaxed.

But now think about this. How did they get there?? Which of them suggested it?????

One of them would’ve had to ask to hang out with the other. Alone.

Then I bet it was Erik who said “excellent idea I’ll bring the chess set.”

And then they wondered around looking for a place to sit and thought “hm yes those big white steps beside a beautiful view of water looks perfect, we’d be very alone there!”

And then they both would’ve walked up those steps, and sat down to play chess.

and THEN.

Charles would’ve eventually leaned back. But he didn’t just lean back, he leaned towards Erik. Look at the way he’s laying, he’s so relaxed.

You ever been by yourself and realise you’re sat in the weirdest position? Hanging out with a close friend or partner, this will also happen.

Charles isn’t aware of how he’s sat, he just did it cause he’s relaxed and comfortable.

And they ain’t even playing chess.

It’s either Charles or Erik’s turn, and I’m not even sure if they know whose turn it is. Erik is yapping about politics, and Charles is listening but also staring at him instead of the view.

Also note the way that Erik doesn’t look at Charles here. He is looking at his thoughts as he speaks (a very neurodivergent thing to do). And if he is always looking at the thing he’s thinking about, then that explains what he’s thinking about when he’s looking at Charles.

I mean really Michael Fassbender, what was your thought process when acting out these scenes.

I went to acting school for a very large part of my life (absolutely traumatic) and the most important thing in acting is to not just do what the character is doing. You have to think it, believe it.

So tell me Michael Fassbender, what was Erik thinking as you stared longingly at James’ jaw, eyes, neck. When you looked him up and down, when you touched him so gently.

You made those decisions, you knew what you were doing. Actors always have the final say.

ONE LAST THING.

This happens so many times I couldn’t find just one gif, and I also met the gif maximum.

There are so many moments in all of the films where Erik and Charles just stare at each other. I thoroughly believe they are talking telepathically in those moments. When they stare at each other at the strip club? They’re saying something about Angel. It’s obvious.

I actually really like the way the film doesn’t tell us what they’re saying, cause they’re so obviously speaking and we don’t even need to hear it. Charles is a telepath, you don’t just stare into a telepaths big blue eyes and have no thoughts in your head. And a telepath doesn’t just stare at you and not project anything. That’s so unrealistic.

Also see this post to see how gently Erik touches Charles (and one time he doesn’t) ((wish that was me AWOOGA))

Need to rest my hands now this one knackered me. If you have any other gifs of those little moments, PLEASE SEND THEM TO MEEEEEE

[sgtpeppers]

Okay so the quick version of this is: saw Two Of Us today, adored it even more than I adore the film, the choice to keep them in John's building worked really well to further highlight the mental health message the director talks about in his little note in the programme, the rooftop scene is somehow even more intimate and lovely in this version and the ending is even more painful! I'm gonna write down more under the cut about it all:

Playlist: The playlist before the show/during the interval is everything you would want it to be and it includes Monkberry Moon Delight which I feel like I never hear in public! 

The overall experience was also just super wholesome, one thing I always love about Beatles events is the range of people there it just makes you feel like your part of such a special thing, so shout out to all the old women talking about Paul near me, the middle aged men in their Beatles shirts, and the girl behind me who was sooo excited to be there and I hope she got to meet the cast after like she wanted to! ALSO the Beatles drinks are so funny, idk why Ringo’s is just earl grey tea 😭

Performances: OKAY let’s get into it. So one of my only real complaints about the film is that although I think overall Jared Harris and Aiden Quinn do an amazing job but I do find the quality a little inconsistent (especially the accents) but Jay Johnson and Barry Sloane are soooo so good, the accents, the little verbal quirks (which also, kudos to the writer as well) and the physicalities are jarringly good at points, especially Barry Sloane’s John. I also feel like a lot of Get Back was watched in preparation because there were so many little things, like the way John plays with his hair that just took me right back to that. Sometimes with fictional Beatles things I’m constantly thinking about how you’re watching two people try to portray these real people, but I definitely found that they were convincing enough that I wasn’t thinking about it too much. 

Outfits: I did find it kinda weird they went for the Get Back looks rather than how they looked in 76, I feel robbed of the New York City vest tbh but they did look great 

Changes from the film: basically they cut out them going for the walk to the park and to Luigi’s and instead John sets up the table for them like they’re in a restaurant in his kitchen. I think it works really well because they play into John not wanting to leave the building, which just adds into that whole mental health thing, and I think it actually makes the rooftop scene more poignant when they get there, because it feels more like Paul has broken through a bit and coaxed him outside, even if it’s baby steps. Anyway, they still have all the same conversations really the script is just chopped up a bit. 

One interesting thing is that the conversation that happens with the fan in Luigi’s still happens, but John sort of pesters Paul about whether he really thinks silly love songs should be number one, and it’s a nice extra layer to Paul’s insecurity which I enjoyed 

Mental health conversations: I think going into it knowing that the director wanted to make this because of the mental health themes, specifically men’s mental health and how having someone to reach out to is so important, is really interesting. They definitely amped up John’s anxiety from the film, his fidgeting and little moments to himself where he’s trying to get himself together were just so palpable, and Paul talking about his depression after the Beatles broke up was even more raw and upsetting seeing it in front of you. My absolute favourite line in the film is ‘I’m thirty-five years old and I still feel like I’ve done something wrong’ and god, my heart just broke seeing it on stage, I think that’s such a common feeling, just that sense that you’re in trouble for something but you’re not really sure what? Anyway, I just loved Sloane’s delivery of it. 

The Kiss: Okay, look I actually don’t care that much about the kiss in the film, I’m glad it’s in there as a little nod to John’s queerness but it really isn’t anything imo, but I liked it a lot more in this! For one thing rather than coming after a little play fight (which is still cute, don’t get me wrong) they do one of their silly dances where they’re spinning each other round etc, so the scene already feels more tender, and then John just kinda grabs him and it goes on a little longer than in the film. I still think it’s far from one of the most intimate moments in the show, but I do think they made it into something more here. 

Rooftop scene: It’s just. It’s everything. They sit right at the front of the stage, facing each other, cross legged and Paul gives him the whole ‘I see a beautiful baby boy speech’ and it’s PERFECT, this was the moment I was most worried about them screwing up and it was perfectly delivered and they have this lovely big hug after it and it made my heart ache in the best way. And idk, if seeing some guy dressed up as Paul McCartney saying that we should focus on fun and get out our own heads and how we don’t have to stay stuck as the kids who were just scared and trying to survive, doesn’t do something for you, then we’re just very different people. 

SNL scene: okay it’s pretty much the same but the way John is sleeping on Paul was everything, it wasn’t just a head on the shoulder he was fully laying back against Paul!! 

The ending: this is just so brutal because Paul doesn’t leave the flat to get his guitar, he borrows one of John’s and so when Yoko calls and John starts doing the whole ‘I wish you were here, you’re the only one who stops me disappearing’ it’s literally…. In Paul’s face. And it hurts. Then at the very end they cut between John on the phone to Yoko and Paul on the phone to Linda, and so Paul says ‘I love you’ to Linda, then John says ‘I love you too’ to Yoko but it sounds like they said it to each other, and then Here Today plays. The fact most people didn’t appear to be crying baffled me quite frankly. 

Yoko: They decided to have Yoko be the one who actually invited Paul, which felt like an odd choice and didn’t really add anything for me, but there we go 

Okay I’m gonna shut up there because this is way too long and I doubt anyone’s read it but ahhhhhhhhh it was so good and you’re just all lucky I can’t text you because my friends have had much more incoherent versions of all this

[moominsuki]

✎ᝰ BAKUGOU KATSUKI ; — anyone would be silly not to love you, katsuki.

࿄ ! warnings — f!reader, no warnings. so fluffy it’s sickeningly sweet.

katsuki knows that he’s a little difficult to deal with sometimes. to love is a different story altogether.

from a young age, he never really cared about what others thought about him. he wasn’t interested in friends, tolerated his family and he didn’t care for women at all. and at 16, he deemed this to be a perfect way to live.

well, now he was 22. who knew that loneliness would hit him in tumultuous spouts of self loathing and bitterness? not him, that’s for sure. he sees his friends getting into relationships and while he’s thankful that they always include him in things despite his brash attitude and sharp tongue, there’s an embittered taste on his tongue that lingers when he sees kirishima and his girlfriend.

katsuki doesn’t think he’s particularly unattractive either and women do approach him; unfortunately, they’re left sour by his mannerisms and deadpan tone of voice. at 18, he didn’t care that girls didn’t really understand him. but four years is a heck of a long time to change your view on things: things being love.

you tell him that anyone would be silly not to love him.

katsuki has known you since he was a stupid, brooding adolescent kid. he thinks it’s a blessing and a curse that you came into his life so forcefully, uprooting yourself and plopping your ass into the middle of it. he’d never tell you but sometimes when he’s on blind dates with the next girl that denki thinks is “the one,” all he can think about is you: especially when his forgettable date orders your favourite, barbecued duck noodle soup, to be exact and he remembers when you made that for him on his 18th birthday.

when you come over to his place to cook dinner and watch a film, you ask about his date and katsuki alludes to the failure of it and that she also “eats really noisily,” a pet peeve of the blond’s. you frown cutely, like you always do when he tells you about the flings that don’t go well.

��well, anyone would be silly not love you, katsuki,” you’d always say and it was routinely with the way he’d stand behind the kitchen island and you’d smile at him, eyes crinkled and shining, making a raspy breath hitch in his throat.

and when dinner was ready, you’d set out both your bowls of dumplings and duck and sometimes you’d put on a netflix show that you really like (katsuki thinks netflix sucks but for you, he’d watch paint dry); however, this time, you opt to just talking, catching up on your day and the plans for the week.

“y’know, blind dates aren’t all they’re cracked up to be anyway. statistically speaking, your soulmate is probably someone you’ve known all your life,” you say candidly, slurping noisily and katsuki watches you thoughtfully before scoffing, all bemused.

“i speak to maybe four women, including you and my ma. great odds,” and you giggle at that, making his heart jump while some soup dribbles down your chin.

“there’s someone out there for everyone, okay! and who are the other women besides me and your mom?” you raise a brow jokingly and katsuki lifts a hand to softly flick at your head.

“just coworkers. like i said, the odds ain’t great,” he grumbles and you rub at the spot on your head before resting your hand on top of his and lifting it back up to press it to your warm cheek.

“you have me! am i not enough woman for you?”

katsuki’s eyes soften and his thumb subconsciously rubs across your skin.

“plenty ‘nuff woman for me. don’t know who else could put up with me,” he says earnestly and both your eyes widen almost comically at the words that slipped out of his mouth.

he’s about to dejectedly pull his hand away when you slightly lean into his touch, “it’s like i said. anyone would be silly not to love you,” and you angle your face so your plump lips kiss into his thumb.

you decide not to comment on the reddening tips of his ears and the pink dusting across the golden specks of freckles on his cheekbones, to save him from the embarrassment.

maybe it’s the years from knowing katsuki that allows you to always say the 8 words: from seeing him transition from a brash, harsh, emotionally constipated 17 year old who was at least three inches shorter than you (he would vehemently deny the passing of time in which you would tower over him) to an almost 23 year old man, who picks you up from school most days, who’d wash your makeup off when you got too heavy handed with the liquor, who knows your order at the local chinese off by heart and who is now definitely almost a foot taller than you.

before katsuki washes up, he shyly asks you to stay the night - in his own roundabout way of being timid, which includes his heavy voice and a seldom amount of eye contact - and you normally do sometimes, with him sleeping on the couch while you take up his kingsize bed. your heart shakes a little in your chest but of course, you smile in reply and nod. you and him both know that this time, it’s different.

“we can stay in my bed… if you want,” mumbles the man gruffly and this time, you bite back a smile. dealing with katsuki meant that you didn’t like to fluster him at times where he was opening up to you, albeit in small, crumbly pieces.

you nod again and reply.

“of course.”

it’s 9:35pm on the dot when you both settle into the duvet of his huge bed and katsuki is kind of stiff, to say the least, and there’s a metaphorical wall between you two. you think he’s staring straight up to the ceiling, if his breathing pattern and the slight glow of his red eyes told you anything.

“is it okay if we cuddle?” you whisper, turning to your side to face him and you think you did something right because he breaks out of his self-doubting stupor and after a few moments, opens up his arms to your smaller body as a leg wraps around his waist and an arm drapes across his chest.

“you okay, katsuki?” you whisper again. “did i do something?” and he can hear the pout and the furrowed brow in your voice.

katsuki all but he wraps an arm around to pull you closer, “no. just go to sleep, dumbass.”

you pull yourself up and he panics a little but he can slightly make out the smug grin on playing on your lips and your bright eyes in the dark as you lean on his chest to be level with his face.

“i promise no one under the age of 45 goes to bed at half 9. you’re so lucky you have me,” and before he can ask what you mean on “having you,” you press your lips onto his and it’s ended before it even started. the taste of his mouthwash and your chapstick lingers and he’s stiff all over again.

“anyone would be silly not to love you, even if you act like an old man,” you sigh, bonking your head softly onto his and he inhales deeply, playing with the hem of his shirt draped on your body.

“don’ need anyone else to love me when i have you, right?”

he can see the smile that reaches your eyes, crinkles and all.

“you might be right about that,” you hum and katsuki leans up to nose around your jaw before locking lips with you properly.

katsuki knows that he’s a little difficult to deal with sometimes. to love is a different story altogether. but when you look at him like that: like he has the world on his fingertips, encased in ribbon and inscribed in lettering addressed just for you, he decides that he’ll never accept anything but the best.

even if he is a little bit of a grandpa. but you’d be silly not to love him.

࿄ ! — all rights reserved © moominsuki. please do not copy, translate, repost nor recommend my work outside of tumblr. this is strictly prohibited.

[purplepickles]

“Under The Covers”

Pairings: Central cee x black fem reader

Genre: fluff

Authors Note: it’s my first time writing on tumblr so bare with me I also haven’t haven’t written anything in like years I used to a Wattpad author in like 2017-2019😭 so imagine what I used to be writing. It’s not my best peice of work but it’s progress kinda messy icl in terms of storyline but it’s something anyways I hope everyone enjoys it 💗

You had just signed a contract with vogue for a new segment they were trying out for they’re YouTube channel called “Under the Covers”. It was in a podcast style in a bedroom setting hence the name and basically talking about the latest fashion trends tips or anything black girl related.

You were so grateful for this opportunity never in your life would you have imagine a little black girl from London was able to sign a massive deal with vogue. The topic of todays video was maintenance. How you maintain standards for yourself if that means relationship, mental or physical health. So instead of it being in their studio you wanted your video being a bit more homely so why not in your home. The producers had set everything up in your room making sure everything was ready for filming but this video was going to have a little extra twist. You were going to have your very first guest and they how they managed to maintain their life and overall humbleness with the fame he had gained over the years.

You kept your relationship on the down low on the respect of each other careers and not wanting to surround your relationship over it. You were actually calm with that but he wasn’t liking seeing people he fucked with in your dms with heart eyes.

Little did Yn know he was going to announce it in their video together.

“Okay I’m going to count down from 5 and we’ll start filming” said the producer

5

4

3

2

1

“Hi Vogue it’s me Yn/ln and welcome to our new segment called Under the covers where uncover beauty secrets fashion and every black girl related. But today’s video things are little different we’re in my actual bedroom and I have a special guest with us he’s one of my favourites rappers right now a current world wide sensation Central Cee”

“I didn’t know I was your favourite artist”

“Yes you did you’re also my most listened to artist on Spotify we’ve defo talked about this”

“Mhmmm”

You rolled your eyes and continued with the video

“Anyways let’s get straight into todays topic: maintenance. How to do maintain eye yourself to keep your life somewhat stable”

“I guess keeping my mum,my brothers, my fans and my girl happy innit. If they’re happy I’m happy” said central cee never straying away from eye contact from the love of his life

“And what you say is the hardest one to keep happy and why” Yn was very curious about this who knew where this could go

“My girl defo she’s says I’m annoying I think she hates me”

The way your head slowly snapped

“Did you not say at Amelia Dinner Date you like girls you hate you”

“Yh I did I turns me on but she’s just something Yk I’m just infatuated by her but maybe I’m a bit delusional when it comes to her yk idk if that’s a good thing or bad thing. Kinda new to this love thing and not messing up yk I don’t wanna get it wrong again I really like her”

That was probably the most beautiful thing he’s said in a while she didn’t know he felt like this she sometimes she can be a bit rude and her sarcasm can be taken the wrong way but she thought he knew between the lines that she didn’t hate him she lived more than anything.

“I think you should talk to her about your feeling more Yk. Don’t be shy on opening up more Yk. When you feel ready ask her what she thinks it’s possibly lacking” she smiled at him with reassurance hoping that he could through her eyes that’s it okay and she was listening

“Yh your right imma tell her right now!”

Yn chocked on her drink. He could not be serious. She should’ve known this boy was up to something

“As in right now!? I’m sure she’s busy” you said trying to get to him to change his mind

“Nah she’s not im calling her rn”

For someone who didn’t like interviews this but sure had a lot to say

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Your phone was on the other side of the room Ringing none stop.

Everyone was looking at you. You knew the producers were loving this but you were not this was too much.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

“Yn are you gonna pick up you phone”

you usually loved his smile but this was just devious.

“Do I have to” you were just dreading this

Everyone shouted yes. You rolled out bed and a grabbed the phone

“Hi baby”

“Hi cench, now can we get back to the video please”

“Yes Cench we can. You wanna cuddle too?”

//

The video was going well there was laughter within the whole room. You asked him the question that you were assigned to ask him everything was going great. You loved being under your lovers arms. Maybe letting people in wasn’t so bad.

“Thank you vogue for this absolutely-

A knock on the door you both looked at door and someone opened to little boy running in crying and jumping to Oakley’s arm. How many surprises could one video take you said to yourself in your head.

“What’s up little man” Oakley now went into full father mode his whole rapper persona was switched and all he cared about was understanding why his little boy was upset

“Had a bad dream” said the little one

“How about we say goodbye to vogue and make some hot chocolate” you said while trying to tickle him

“Right I think me and vogue has had enough surprises don’t forget to like subscribe and hit that notification and stay tuned for next weeks video about Motherhood and Careers with a icon mother and billionaire. Bye guys”

[cinnnamongrl]

sorority secrets- ellie williams (part 1)

pairing: college!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: ellie williams has never been the 'sorority type'. but when she meets you, she realises maybe spending college as a part of eta alpha rho isn't so bad.

warnings: [18+ MDNI] explicit language, suggestive themes/language, mentions of dating men, alcohol, small mentions of homophobia. [this series will contain smut later on- warnings will be listed accordingly]

author’s note: i’m really excited for this series hehe it’s gonna be a few parts. hold on tight bc there is drama and hot lesbian sex to come (my two favourite things).

ellie williams doesn’t like sororities.

she likes savage starlight comics, she likes video games, she likes getting high and watching space videos, she likes when cats do that slow blink to show they’re comfy with you.

she does not like sororities.

and yet here she stands, in the main room of the eta alpha rho house, 5 minutes from meeting the other girls who had been accepted into the campus’s most well known sorority. dread was resting heavy in ellie’s stomach. she didn’t want to fucking be here. what even was a sorority anyway? forced friendship with a bunch of prissy straight girls? no thanks. she’ll pass. she had only one person to thank for this bullshit; ellie’s step-sister brittney. perfect brittney. tall, blonde, president of eta alpha rho brittney. if brittney wasn’t so… brittney, then ellie’s step-mom wouldn’t be blackmailing her into a college sorority, threatening to cut her off if she couldn’t show willingness to follow in your family’s footsteps and become a respectable eta alpha rho lady.

“can you try not to look like you’d rather be drowning in a pool of piss than be standing here?” brittney’s shrill voice broke ellie’s flow of thought. “no can do i’m afraid” brittney scoffed dramatically. “i don’t want you here either, you know. it was my mom’s idea, not mine. i think you’re perfectly suited to staying in your dorm all year with your weird stoner friends” she spat. “well then, we can agree on one thing” ellie shot her a sarcastic smile.

brittney strode towards the eta house door as the first few girls arrived. ellie looked down at her feet and then looked to her right. she walked over to the sofa, deciding she’d feel less awkward if she was sitting. less aware of her body now, she was able to form her (shallow, but oftentimes correct) initial thoughts on the girls she was going to be ‘sisters’ with for however long she survived this little group.

cute…

won’t last 2 weeks with brittney…

definitely films herself shotgunning white claw…

woah.

you walked into the room and a nervous tingle rested at your fingertips. the sound of excited giggles and shy greetings settled in the background and you allowed your eyes to scan where you stood; pink wallpaper, a framed photo of an older but still glamorous blonde woman, grand staircase, white sofa, girl sitting on said sofa. is she… part of the sorority too? didn’t see her during rush week. beat up converse, white vest and a short sleeved grey shirt, large tattoo covering her right forearm… pretty freckles. you still weren’t sure if this girl was even part of eta but something in you was pushing you to go and sit next to her.

“hey” you offered a smile as you sat beside the girl. “what’s your name?”

ellie sat up a little straighter and cleared her voice. “ellie.” be cool ellie. “what’s yours?”

you told her your name and she nodded. something about the way she was looking at you put you on edge a bit; it made your stomach feel fluttery and hands slightly damp.

“are you… in eta alpha rho too?” you asked. she chuckled “why, do i not look like i am?” you shook your head defensively “no no i just- you-“ “it’s fine. yeah i am. my sister is the president of the sorority, ‘s why i’m here”. you nodded in understanding.

you talked for a little while longer and to her frustration, ellie couldn’t figure you out. past ‘woah’ she couldn’t make many initial judgements. sure, you looked the part; pretty, smiley, white dress short enough to show off your body but not too short that grandma would disapprove. but from the short conversation ellie could not see why you’d be interested in eta alpha rho.

truthfully, you didn’t really know either. your friends back home had gushed about the concept of being a sorority sister, and your parents were… traditional. their daughter in a good college with good grades in a respectable sorority, dating a nice young man from the college’s fraternity was their dream. just like they had done. to be honest you weren’t really interested in sororities and frat boys, you wanted to stay focused on keeping up your perfect grades and securing your future; that’s what college was about after all. however if being part of eta meant getting into fun parties and having a group of girls who always have your back then why not?

“AHHH there you are!” a girls voice interrupted yours and ellie’s conversation and you looked up to see a girl standing over you with a wide smile. “brittney just told me I’m your sorority big sister! my name’s emilia. welcome to eta alpha rho” she put a gentle hand on your shoulder and then averted her gaze to ellie “ellie, good to see you again!” ellie gave her a smile back. “i want you to meet some of the other girls, c’mon” emilia took your hand and pulled you from the sofa into a crowd of girls.

a flash of annoyance shot through ellie at brittney’s friend taking you away. she didn’t really know why, you were probably going to end up becoming one of brittney’s bitchy friends who all pretend to like each other but fuck each others boyfriends behind their backs. she relaxed her body back into the sofa, and watched you. watched the lines appear around your eyes as you smiled, let her gaze travel down to your thighs, noticed your nails. red and short. gay? she promptly pushed the thought away. she let her eyes run back up to your face, your lips and oh fuck she’s looking at me- ellie averted her gaze to the vase on the table in front of her and mentally slapped herself. don’t be a perv, jeez. acting like you’ve never seen a fuckin pretty girl before.

~~~~

you laid on your dorm bed trying desperately to focus on the episode of yellowjackets playing from your laptop and keep your eyes from closing. the eta meet had drained you and although it wasn’t late you felt ready to call it a day. your phone buzzed and after a few seconds of debate you decided to pick it up.

you sat up straight and pushed your laptop away from your lap.

you locked your phone and the black screen revealed the somewhat silly image of you smiling in your reflection.

~~~~~~~~~~

“truth.”

the game had been going on for maybe 10 minutes, and ellie was losing the will to live. you hadn’t showed yet and ellie was 1 “i dare you to text your ex” away from getting up and leaving.

“where’s the craziest place you’ve ever done it?” a red haired girl asked the girl beside her. after a moment of pause, “denny’s parking lot”. a fit of giggles erupted but were quickly drowned out in ellie’s ears when you walked into the room and took a seat next to her.

emilia gave you a quick wave and smile and you returned it.

“late to your first eta social. that could get you kicked out you know” ellie spoke in a hushed voice. she saw the way your eyebrows raised in worry and instantly felt bad, “i’m joking”. “don’t do that” emphasising the ‘do’ with a playful nudge to her arm. “you missed loads. sasha had to show everyone her most recent text AND you’ll never guess what? chloe has a crush on brandon!” ellie waved her hands in faux excitement. you tried not to laugh at her mocking your new sorority sisters. “you’re an asshole”. she tilted her head slightly with a smirk, “yeah?” you managed back a small “mhm”.

“ellie! truth or dare?” a brunette girl spoke suddenly, bringing your attention back to the group. ellie leaned back, adjusting her position so she was manspreading slightly, and let out a small huff. that same fluttery feeling in your stomach made itself known again and you looked away from ellie. “uh. truth i guess?” the girl pondered for a few seconds. “what’s your favourite thing in a guy?” ellie raised her eyebrows for a moment before a little smirk you were sure only you caught appeared on her mouth. “his sister.” the room went silent. ellie didn’t seem to notice. “gross” brittney muttered. you looked up and caught her eye “not in like… a homophobic way.” she clarified. you lowered your head and subtly looked through your eyelashes at ellie, who was absentmindedly taking a sip of her beer. emilia, who was smiling, got up from her seat and gestured for you to follow her to the drinks table.

“sooo, having fun?” she asked you, grabbing a beer for herself. “yeah!” you offered back and looked around the table for something sweeter than beer and stronger than hard seltzer. “i know truth or dare is a bit juvenile but it’s an eta alpha rho tradition” she chuckled. “nothing wrong with a bit of childish fun” you smiled and she nodded back before squeezing your arm and going back to her seat. you stood before the drinks table feeling slightly awkward. ok let’s see… tequila? barf. maybe vodka? hm but what with. oh they have cranber- “you know, there’s capri-suns in the fridge if you’re not a liquor girl” ellie’s playful mocking broke your train of thought and made you jump slightly. you faced her with one hand on your hip and one resting on the table and narrowed your eyes in mock annoyance. while your brain tried to think of a witty response you noticed ellie’s eyes were taking in your body and it made your face heat up. you opened your mouth to respond and her eyes landed there and stayed on your lips. was she aware she was this unsubtle? “your beers with a 5% alcohol content aren’t too far off capri-suns” you retorted. she laughed and it made something leap in your chest. you turned back around to pour yourself a drink as ellie watched you.

after a few hours the games had died down and the scene in front of you showed most of the girls chatting or dancing to the dua lipa song that was playing from the tv. you’d been stuck in a conversation with a girl called alice for the past 40 minutes about her boyfriend who’s cheating on her but still loves her (she feels it in her heart), you were searching for a lull in the conversation to excuse yourself to the bathroom but so far alice hadn’t come up for air. that’s until an angel sent from heaven (who’s name escapes you) swoops in and sparks up a conversation with alice, leaving you with a clear exit plan. thank you nameless angel. unnoticed by alice or her friend you make your way to the bathroom across the hall, ‘you want me, i want you baby, my sugarboo…’ becoming quieter and quieter and your head ever so slightly fuzzy from the two drinks you’d been nursing throughout the evening. you reached the bathroom door and lifted your arm up higher than sober-you would find necessary to check it wasn’t occupied, and at the same time the door flew open making you lose your balance slightly and fall like an idiot into the poor person who’d just used the bathroom. “oh my god i am so so sorr-“ you looked up and saw ellie, looking down at you with an expression of amusement. you stepped back a little and she lifted her arm to rest against the door frame. you blamed the drink on the way that little display made you feel. “time to switch to capri-suns, sweetheart?” you pushed past her body into the bathroom “shut up about the capri-suns” she laughed and turned her body to face you as you checked your appearance in the sink mirror. “i’m serious. wouldn’t want you stumbling over like that and spilling something on that pretty dress of yours” she stepped forward a few inches and your heart rate picked up and you suddenly felt warm all over. even something about the way she indirectly complimented your outfit made you feel all weird and shy in a pathetically girlish way. what the fuck was wrong with you. keep. it. together. you could tell she’d had a little to drink from her lightly flushed cheeks.

“i won’t. ‘m not drunk” your eyes locked onto hers through her reflection in front of you. “yeah? then show me your eyes”. “what?” you questioned. she placed her hands on your hips and turned your body around to face her, your back now leaning against the sink. she was close. “you can always tell from the eyes,” she spoke low and her words took their time on her tongue “drunk people always get this hazy look,” her own eyes darted between each of yours “you know… heavy..” you swallowed, head swirling from definitely not the vodka and fuck since when was this bathroom so hot “.. sleepy” you opened your mouth and the breath you didn’t realise you were holding came out and her eyes were on your lips again. she brought her tatted arm out to hold the sink, caging in the left side of your body.

“oh!” both yours and ellie’s heads shot to the door, revealing emilia standing there. “sorry! was just coming to look for you,” she told you “wasn’t sure where you were.” she half-giggled. ellie cleared her throat and gave emilia a tight lipped smile and exited the bathroom. “glad you’re safe, i’ll uh- let you pee now.” she tittered and followed ellie back to the room, closing the bathroom door behind her. right, yeah. i came here to pee. the past few minutes left you with a little disorientation; you sat down and replayed your moment with ellie. moment? can you call it a moment? why does it even matter. what the fuck were you doing getting all woozy because a girl you only just met flirted with you for 3 seconds. you physically shook your head pretending that could rid you of the feelings you were experiencing. ellie was in your head and it scared you. that’s the thing about the guys you’d dated; sure it was fun to go on dates with them, sex could be… pretty enjoyable, and you could laugh and joke with the majority of them. but they never interrupted your focus. they never took up space in your brain when you weren’t in their presence, and they didn’t have the power to distract you from college or your grades. they were safe.

as you entered the room again emilia noticed you and spoke up “hey! i was just thinking: you came in late so you never got to play the game! soooo.. truth or dare?” she asked with a big smile. the moment had passed surely you thought, but you humoured her anyway. “dare?” “ok,” she put her finger to her bottom lip and looked up “, i dare you to tell us who you have a crush on” grown adults. we are grown adults. “isn’t that a truth?” you questioned. “oh shush. just answer” you thought of ellie. you were sure she was looking at you but didn’t dare to check. then you thought of college, your sorority sisters, your parents.

“chad.” there was a chad in your college right? emilia gasped “chad peters?” sure “yep” “AHH he is SO cute. head of the football team AND kappa upsilon sigma fraternity president as well, someone has standards” emilia jibed. you gave her a false smile. you could see brittney out of the corner of your eye frowning.

you were a fucking idiot. chad? you could almost feel ellie’s eyes on you, but you still couldn’t manage to turn around and look at her. now who was the asshole.

part 2

[sweetmodel]

hiii ! out of curiosity , do you know how many years you have spent outside of this reality ? like you could be 18 ( for example ) here , but your consciousness has actually lived for 33 years ( another random example ) - also you dont need to share your real age because that is personal information !!! thank you so much and you are literally my favourite tumblr account

Hello! I'm going to be honest but I don't really add up time together. It just stopped making sense to me once I started shifting. Because like, okay you add the time you were in your intended reality, but what about the years before? I mean, you lived there too in the past, you now have all the memories and knowledge, do you add those too? Also to me time is just really 3D-centric so I really don't care about it. The more I shift the more I feel like I know less and less lol.

But rambling aside cause that's not what anyone asked for, here's how much time I consciously spent in each reality, without counting the past of each life and all of their memories:

1-Canon Winx reality, from January 2022 to March 2022, my very first reality;

2-Fairy-Demon reality (based on a book I'm writing), from January 2023 to December 2023. This is the longest I stayed in a reality without shifting back and forth;

3-Superhero reality (not based on any sort of media here, Its mostly a niche reality I built off a dream I had long ago), okay this one is tripping me up because Its also a TV series I'm filming and I'm not sure what has and hasn't happened yet but I would say... During June-July 2022, then I was there again from March 2023 to September 2024... But I skipped a few weeks because I was going through a break up there, if you read one of my posts you might understand what I'm talking about ;) ;

4-Wizard reality (based on the game Wizard101), January 2024 to end of May 2024;

5-Fame reality/life, from September 2023 to October of 2025. Technically the longest, but also I would shift back and forth from my fame life to the next reality I'm listing, so it wasn't two years straight;

6-Fairy-Angel reality (A fusion/mashup between Winx and the book reality), this is the one I currently keep shifting to and so far it has been from January 2024 to May 2024, and probably the one I will stick to because I'm still trying to digest my fame life lol.

I don't use/have "time ratios', when I shift back to a reality (whichever it be, this one or any other one) is exactly when I "left it off";

But anyway, thanks for the compliment! (And sorry for any typos Its really late here).

[joshfutturman]

'they'd find us in a week, ( lay here for years or for hours )'

oneshot - mike struggles to let you get close, but when your hands brush against his hair, he realises that he may not be able to keep you at arms length forever (1.7k words) pairing - mike schmidt (five nights at freddy's) & gn!reader tags - ok basically this whole thing was 'mike gets sleepy when you play with his hair because my headcanon is that his mom used to do it when he was younger', pre-established friendship verging on relationship, lingering feelings, pure fluff

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

you knew mike wasn’t really the super affectionate type, or at least. . . not with you, yet. each week you’d come over, he’d inch a little closer towards you on the sofa. every time, you felt your heart rate pick up. he felt so close yet so far.

this night, he was the closest he’d ever been. your eyes drift over to the armchair where he used to sit himself when you first visited, and then to him, inches from you now on the sofa. you often treated the situation like mike was an animal, your hand outstretched waiting patiently for him to sniff, get used to your scent maybe. one wrong move and he’d scamper away. you operated on his time, at his pace.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

his leg touches yours and you feel your face heat up at the innocent touch. you dare not glance towards him, relax, you think to yourself. mike probably thought nothing of it. but when you do glance despite your best efforts, you notice the red on his cheeks too.

you try to suppress a smile.

the room was lit with only small flickers from the television in his living room, some mindless action film playing. it was his suggestion, and you let him, loving the way his face lit up when he tried to explain the plot to you in a sheepish manner. his dad used to watch it with him, he said. it felt special that he wanted to share this with you, even if it wasn’t the best movie in the world, it would turn out to be one of your favourites anyway.

you try to focus, settling back into the sofa as you rest your elbow back onto the base of the sofa behind you, supporting your head as your cheek rests against your palm. your eyes drift to mike, watching him as he eyes the television with deep interest. he’s got that sleepy look he usually has and your eyes begin to study his face a little closer now that you’ve got the opportunity.

the dark bags under his eyes hadn’t gotten any better, in fact, they looked a little worse. but that leads you onto his freckles, one. . . two. . . three. . . four. . . more than you could count, dotted across his nose and cheeks. they were your favourite of his features, little constellations you wanted to connect, his face infinitely more interesting than any of the old stars in the night sky.

his stubble was growing a little long, longer than you’d seen it before - maybe tomorrow was his usual shaving day. you wouldn’t tell him, but you thought he suited it at this length. a part of you wonders what it would feel like against your own cheek, but you quickly swat that thought from your mind.

but god, his eyelashes. they were long, dark and delicate. with each blink, you wonder if mike knew how truly beautiful he actually was. he was handsome sure, but he was also incredibly beautiful. not just in looks either, he was beautiful in the way that he’d save you an extra donut - your favourite kind, he’d swerve in the road to avoid birds, he’d send you pictures of things that reminded him of you with no caption or explanation.

you loosen up, lifting your face from your hand. your fingers twitch, itching to reach out and touch his hair. that would be weird, right? but he’s so close. his head is almost resting on your shoulder. should you?

before you have a chance to stop yourself, your fingers briefly brush through a curl on his head and immediately he flinches back.

fuck. you’ve lost him. he’s scampered away.

mike looks at you with what you think to be an angered expression. his brows knit together, leaning away from you as his eyes glance from your hand to you.

“i’m. . . i’m sorry i-“ you begin to say in defence, feeling embarrassed.

mike continues to eye you cautiously. how could he tell you the kinds of feelings that stirred for him?

suddenly he’s just a boy again. he’s had another nightmare. his mom is beside him in his cramped single bed with patterned dinosaur sheets, her hand on his soft curls at the base of his head. her touch is delicate, like he’s delicate. fingers dancing through curls, mike’s eyelids flutter closed as she hums a familiar, comforting tune.

no one’s touched his hair since then. no one.

well, no one except you. right now.

he’s not sure whether to be angry or to be upset. to snap at you or to apologise for his own reaction. he can feel the sadness bubbling in his stomach, spreading up to his chest. he hadn’t thought about this in so long, convinced he’d never be comforted in that way ever again - or maybe it was that he’d never let himself be comforted like that ever again. yet here he was, craving it.

at this point, you’re convinced it’s over. he’s going to ask you to leave. you crossed a line. there was nothing here between you and him. you wanted to apologise again, but what was the use?

“did you just touch my hair?” he finally spoke up, voice softer than you expected it to be.

you swallow hard, “yeah, sorry, i just- i dunno. . .” your words fall away from you again.

mike visibly relaxes, his shoulders loosening up. “it’s okay,” he glances at your hand once more, then back to you as if he’s trying to decide something, “you can. . . if you want to.”

eyes widening, you simply stare back at him, what? you’re stunned into silence for a few moments. you’ve never heard him so soft, almost vulnerable. his gaze continues to flicker to you then away, settling back on the television and returning to the position he was in before with his head close to your shoulder. there’s a hint of red on his cheeks. you can tell he’s. . . scared.

your hand inches closer again, fingertips grazing across his dark, soft curls. immediately you see him take a deep breath through his nose, you can’t figure out what he’s feeling. secretly, he’s feeling relief.

each touch is ghost-like, hardly making contact as you switch between examining his reaction and then back to his hair. once it’s been a minute and you both relax into the interaction, you sink your hands in a little deeper as his hair glides between your fingers with ease. you flinch a little as your fingers reach scalp, splaying your fingers across his skin.

his eyes flutter closed, head slumping forward a little. you smile, drifting your nails across his head gently until you find a curl between your pointer and index finger. you twist it around, letting your fingers comb through it.

mike feels goosebumps pepper up along the back of his neck, soft tingling raining delicately along his scalp. he focuses on the soft, tender sensation of your fingers. suddenly he realises that for once, his mind is quiet. it’s not running ahead, it’s not jumping over hurdles he’d placed for himself, it’s not reliving anything, he’s. . . simply existing here, in this moment, with you.

and he’s letting you. mike isn’t shying away from the touch, instinctively rejecting any form of care. instead, he’s relishing it. his head rests against your shoulder in a final act of defeat, breathing softening to a slow pace.

if it wasn’t so goddamn relaxing, he’d probably allow himself to feel emotional. it had been so long since anyone had cared for him like this, taken the time, or even tried. his walls had grown so high that he was convinced no one would ever dare try to climb them, and if they did he’d snipe them down with a single, devastating shot.

but you? you kept climbing, taking those shots like a champ and continuing to climb anyway. slowly, but surely. and it was almost as though mike never saw you coming. like you were over that wall in a flash - waiting patiently for him to beckon you down to the other side.

and here he was as you approached.

mike’s hand finds your leg in his sleepy haze and gently, sheepishly, lets his fingertips trail across the fabric there. like he’s trying to return the favour.

this simply makes you smile.

your fingers continue to trace small shapes in his hair, a heart, a circle, a square. . . and then all your fingers at once combing through his thick curls. you can’t help but watch the way his head sinks deeper and deeper against your shoulder as he gives in to sensation.

for the first time in forever, he feels sleep beckoning him without the use of pills or any other sleep aids. just you, your simple touch and your body heat accompanying him. it’s incredibly adorable to you, watching him settle underneath your touch. his touch on your leg falters, slowing down to a halt after a short while.

gingerly, your hand snakes to the front of his scalp, running through the curls covering his forehead and exposing the skin there as if to take a peek at his face. your eyes widen and you smile as you see his eyes gently closed, mouth half open. was he. . . sleeping? he’d fallen asleep against you, your fingers still in his hair. and you wouldn’t dare stop. you’d do this forever if time and the world allowed.

it was the most peaceful you’d ever seen him, evoking deep feelings of protectiveness. mike deserved better than what this life gave him, or rather, took from him. you’d do anything to make him feel at peace, even for a little while. what little you could offer to ease the burden, you’d give.

you rest your cheek down against the top of his head, letting your own eyes close - your hands now on the back of his head, playing with the curls that settle there naturally. trying your best, you keep up the soft touches of your fingertips as long as you’re able to before sleep inevitably comes for you too. it comes in waves, your head growing heavier against mike’s as he breathes out light snores.

before long, slumber sweeps you away. both of you laying contently against the other in a sleepy bundle.

tomorrow, you’d both have to face the world, but for now? this moment was yours. and in sleep, mike would pray you’d be there when he awoke.

little did he know, you’d never want to leave his side ever again.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. ‧₊˚ dedicated tags: @helen-on-earth @fatinhadesiners06 @boonam @laurrrelise @sun-spider13 @sammygirlism @sleepyhutcherson ‧₊˚ ily!! .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

[liliesof-the-valley]

Singer mc

How do the brothers react to a mc who can sing?

Not proofread, this idea came to me while I was supposed to be writing about a jack of all trades mc but oh well, enjoy!!

─── ୨ৎ────

Luci

Needless to say, he’s so impressed.

He thinks you should show the world this while also wanting to simultaneously have your voice belong to him

I suppose the showing off the talents you have boosts his ego in a way.

I’m pretty sure it’s canon that he’ll listen to anything except techno (I think) and regardless of the style of singing you do (be it opera, more theatre-y or metal) he’ll support you.

To be fair , though, I do think his favourite would be you singing opera

He’ll accompany you with the piano as you sing your heart out to whatever and whatever.

Perhaps if you sing a duet, he’ll join in, who knows?

Mams

Do I love him? Yes. Do I think he may try exploit this? Also yes.

Okay hear me out, once he does find out about your special talent he’s absolutely awestruck, though at first I do think his greed may get to his head.

Plots of how he can record you or help you audition in films/ musicals or how much money he would make if he—

But wait. Once he comes to his senses, he realises…

Your voice should just be heard by him, he is the great mammon, your first after all!

Needless to say, the two of you go to many karaoke parlours afterwards as well as singing whilst driving to nowhere special

Levi

To be fair, I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be anyone who wouldn’t be impressed by your absolute delight of a voice

Levi thinks similarly, thinking of how many people you’ve sung to and how many people have heard your siren song…

Well, he is the avatar of envy after all, he’s bound to get jealous over something.

Despite his jealousy, it’s quite easy to make him feel better.

How? Easy, sing an anime op. More specifically (if he’s in a reallyy bad mood) sing the opening of hana ruri and he’s grinning ear to ear, brighter than the whole of the celestial realm.

You and him do actually do karaoke and he LOVES how your voice can just…wow.

Expect him to ask for mini concerts with you dressed in cosplay

Satan

He’s intrigued, curious and even more interested in you now.

You can sing? And not just that, this wonderful?

Some demons would take centuries to build up this kind of voice, and you (be with years of practice or being naturally talented) have achieved this skill this quickly? (Remember the perceptions of time are diff guys😭)

he treats this as sort of a science experiment, I suppose—which does mean LOADS OF QUESTIONS.

How high can you go? How low can you go? Do you know that…? Do you—

After this initial stage, he does like asking you to sing to him, especially if he’s in a mood or about to explode and like that, he’s calm again.

Asmo

oh my! You can sing?!

How cute!!

He may ask for your permission to post some videos of you singing, the world deserves to see your beautiful voice and his beautiful face!

Sing to him while he’s getting ready and he feels like the main character

Asmo has a nice voice too so I could imagine a duet between you two

Its so happens that company reached out and asked you two to sing a duet!

Well, at least your getting payed good

Asmo nights now are required to have at least one karaoke portion/place

Beel

You can sing? Cool!

I mean honestly, he’d probably find out randomly

I can imagine him realising your siren-like voice whilst you are singing and cooking

You’d casually be singing to a song from your playlist as you cook and he walks in

His jaw drops because, wow???

Almost forgot about his snack due to the sheer shock of your serene voice

anyways, he does ask you about it, thinking its something you should share with people

Belphie

there’s no way that he wouldn’t make you sing lullabies to him

In fact, that’s probably his favourite thing to hear you sing

Whilst napping together, even if he’s on the verge of falling asleep, it’s nice to hear you singing into his ears, lulling him to sleep

Hm? Belphies having problems with sleeping? That’s a lie first of all he wants you to sing to him

maybe if you sing a lullaby to him he’ll be able to fall asleep better

Come on.. just one, or two, or three, or—

[fairyofshampgyu]

Now Live: Stream 4

Genre: smut, camboy au, college au, crack

Pairing: camboy! Beomgyu x gn reader (afab when smut)

Warnings: camboy, sub! beomgyu, dom! reader, solo beomgyu, vibrating cock ring, voyeurism

Synopsis: Every Thursday night at 8pm, you tune into your favourite camboy: Angel313. What you don’t know is he even goes to the same uni as you, is in the same class as you and is Choi Beomgyu, the campus fuckboy but will you keep his secret?

Word count: 2.9k

“Wait so you used to watch my streams all the time?” Beomgyu looks at you all cocky as you both walked to the uni’s concert hall, music sheets in both your hands of the arrangements you had finally finished to show the ensemble to play. “That’s so adorable. I appreciate my fans so much, I really do.” He presses his hand to his chest dramatically.

“Shut up.” You elbow his side, causing the music sheets in his hand to fall on the ground in the chilly and windy breeze.

“Owww. Hey! You should help me pick those up!”

You don’t, carrying on strolling as he speedily grabbed the sheets, racing to walk beside you again.

“What was your username, come on tell me. Don’t be embarrassed.” He looks at you with a shit eating grin.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Come onn! I think I deserve to know!”

“No.”

“But-”

“-No.”

“Why not?!”

You give it some thought whether you should tell him or not but he probably would never let it go if you didn’t. Sighing, you decide to just let it out. “I was…user seggsysax…”

Beomgyu bursts into a fit of laughter in disbelief, “You were seggsysax?!” He can’t stop laughing and you just stand, staring at him with a deadpan gaze. “I always see your username in every single one of my lives! Even from the very start! Wow. Thank you for being such a loyal fan.” He laughs even more, “I thought your username was weird though.”

You roll your eyes, slightly embarrassed. “I play saxophone! And…it’s sexy? I don’t know I just came up with anything! Will you stop laughing?!” But beomgyu looks like he’s about to hurtle to the ground any second.

You make it to the concert hall, waiting for the other musicians to start coming in. Strings, woodwind, brass, and percussionists to sit in their assigned positions, you and beomgyu handing out the scores on the music stands.

“Hello! I’m Beomgyu and this is Y/n. We’re the two organisers of the music department’s Christmas performance this year.” Beomgyu introduces you both cheerily once everyone settles in and begins to explain what will be happening.

And then you all start practicing and learning the pieces, you and beomgyu taking it in turns to conduct and play and telling them how certain sections should sound like. It was already beginning to come together and was already sounding great.

You were actually pretty excited about it, people coming up to praise you both on how you’ve arranged it after it had finished and you and beomgyu giving each other a little fist bump once they all left.

“So, you’re gonna be my manager or whatever then? What are you even gonna do?” Beomgyu asks, both of you at his place, sitting on his comfy bed after practice to discuss your earlier proposition.

“Well, since I’ve watched a lot of camboys and have been part of your audience, I could give you input and ideas on what other watchers would want and like so we can make more money. I could also help you film everything since it must be hard trying to film it yourself and I’ll monitor what people comment and what gets you more tips.” You shrug your shoulders.

“Alright then. Interview’s over. Sure, you’re my manager now I guess. Why do you want to though anyway?”

“Because I am broke as hell and couldn’t find any part time jobs and this doesn’t seem that bad. Why did you start being a camboy?”

“I’m also broke and need to pay off my college tuition.” Beomgyu shrugs his shoulders, “I stumbled across a camboy once and thought hey! I can make money at home just jerking off so…”

You nod, “Yeah, you’re good at it.”

He smiles at your praise, eyes scrunching into little crescent moons and cheeks blushing, “Thanks!” Clearly, he likes compliments. It’s kinda really cute. You clear your head at the last comment-Off topic, off topic.

“So…why don’t we try out and film something now?” You suggest nonchalantly.

“What? Like, right now?” Beomgyu’s eyes pop out his sockets.

“Yeah if you want to”

“O-okay. Y-yeah, yeah...”

He gives you your phone so you can set everything up, putting it on the tripod and angling the cameras to one of his bare walls, ready to stream. “What should I do?” Beomgyu asks shyly.

“I don’t know. Do you have somewhere where you keep all your toys and stuff?”

So he goes to his wardrobe, getting a pink box at the back and opening it for you to look at a variety of little vibes, dildos, plugs and many other things. Your eyes catch a vibrating cock ring you’ve never seen before.

“Oh I haven’t seen you use that before.” You point at it.

“Yeah I got it recently.”

“Do you wanna use it today? I bet the viewers would go crazy. It’s pretty.”

“Y-yeah okay then.” Beomgyu’s voice suddenly sounding mouse-like.

Beomgyu starts changing out of his clothes to put on his usual thigh highs and putting the cock ring on with slightly shaking hands. He doesn’t know whether he should tell you to look away since you’ll literally be watching him anyway and it’s not like you’ve never seen him naked, given you’ve watched multiple of his streams.

But you turn your head anyway, taking your phone out and going on it, acting as if you were extremely busy replying to life changing messages. You just had twitter up and kept refreshing it.

Once he was done you look up, not daring to look anywhere but his face. He passes the controller to the vibrator to you, averting your gaze as well.

“You want me to do it?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then. Should I start the stream now?”

He nods and positions himself where you set the tripod and then you press the live button. Loads of users washing in and beomgyu says his usual greetings and welcomes to them.

After that he looks at you as if to indicate for you to start the controller and so you do, putting it on a low setting. Beomgyu also starts to fuck himself along with it, pumping his dick with his hands, slowly.

Beomgyu is beyond embarrassed right now. Whilst he’s fucked himself for thousands of people to watch, it’s incredibly different to this right now. A real person, right in front of him. Someone he knows. It made him so nervous, especially with your firm gaze on him, you not saying or visibly reacting to anything he’s doing making him even more squirmy. Somehow though, he thinks it’s making him even more turned on with you right there watching him. What was this weird feeling? What were you thinking of him right now?

You press one of the buttons to the controller even higher. Beomgyu looking at you with wide eyes as he carried on stroking his cock with the added vibrations, not even looking anywhere else but your face at this point, completely forgetting there was another audience watching him right now besides you, but he doesn’t bother checking the comments this time as he moans, feeling the pleasure overtaking him. He can’t believe he’s acting like this in front of you. Literally moaning with you right there. Because of you.

You know you shouldn’t feel like this at all. Like, absolutely at all. It was so, so wrong for you to feel like this but watching beomgyu like this, falling apart in front of you, stroking his dick shyly, you controlling his pleasure made you so unbelievably aroused. You could moan yourself to be honest.

You’d think that knowing Angel was actually beomgyu would make you stop feeling attracted to Angel at all, but you’re starting to think it’s only increased it. You watched every one of his streams, your favourite camboy and you’d fuck yourself as well while watching him, thinking he was perfect. And now, he was a mere few feet away from you. In real life. Fucking himself whilst you got to watch. In person. What you used to watch on your laptop screen doesn’t even compare to the real thing. His moans, reactions, body even prettier in real life.

The amount of willpower it took to not go and just fuck him right there. But that would be so wrong. It’s beomgyu. Not Angel. Well, actually you’re a bit confused now. But either way, it would be so wrong. Especially since you’re just his manager now. You’re professionally working with him. You can’t do that.

You turn the button up to the highest beomgyu looking at you fearfully and throwing his head back, whining. He slows his movements down on his dick for a second but you give him a glare as if to say ‘don’t you dare’ so he doesn’t, whimpering as he continued to stroke his dick for you.

You look at the comments to see viewers confused on whose controlling the cock ring since that’s never happened before, but they find it hot, him not not knowing what’s gonna happen.

He squishes his legs together, pumping his dick faster, eyes facing the ceiling and moans increasing and you know he’s just about to cum, seeing the scene loads of times before to know when he’s just on the verge. You press the button multiple times to go to one of the more lower settings, beomgyu snapping his head to you, distraught from not getting his high yet.

Then you go again, pressing it to the highest immediately, making beomgyu’s body jerk from the shock. He stills his hand for a second but knows better than to stop, so he just keeps jerking himself off until he’s about to cum again which doesn’t take long at all. And then you make it go to a low vibration again, beomgyu whining out loud at you. Then you start it all over again.

His hands go up to hide his face, embarrassed from the sounds he’s making in front of you and the reactions he’s making. “Y-y/n…!” Beomgyu whimpers out your name accidentally, from you still not letting him cum.

His comments go absolutely crazy. Everyone wondering who the new person behind the camera was on Angel’s channel.

@iheartsubby324: Whose y/n?!!?!?! Does he finally have a fuck buddy for himself after all this time? We’ve been telling him.

@angelsno1fan: Fuck that’s not fair. I wish I could be doing that to him right now. 😩

Many other users in all caps shouting from the screens, going mad that for the first time, Angel has someone else there. Of course you’re literally just his manager/kinda camera person helper but they don’t know that. You know if you were watching that right now you’d also be going crazy.

You let the cock ring stay on the high setting this time and beomgyu’s movements go faster on his cock, his thighs shaking together as he closes them shut again, cock twitching in the vibrating ring and he cums everywhere with a strangled pretty moan, more cum coming out of him due to the cock ring.

He can’t believe he just came in front of you. He’s never done anything like that in real life before in front of someone ever. He’s embarrassed to say he kinda liked it. But also embarrassed he just did that.

Fuck, that’s literally hottest thing ever and you got to see it in person. It was also painful to just sit there and watch. You continue to just stare it at him with your mouth slightly parted, he looked so gorgeous like that, panting, eyelids fluttering, cum covering him—you need to stop. That’s beomgyu!

You check to see how much money he just made. It was more than usual you don’t why. It wasn’t really anything different.

You wait for beomgyu on his bed as he takes a shower, feeling incredibly awkward and tense, swinging your legs off the bed. Then beomgyu walks out the bathroom, making you jump. His hair wet and masking his eyes, he dries his long hair with a towel not looking anywhere near you, you could also see how awkward he felt. Most people looked like ugly drenched rats when they came out the shower but he looked kinda…attractive-off topic! Off topic again! Beomgyu picks up his phone when a notification buzzes.

“My friend’s having a party right now. Wanna go?” Beomgyu asks, trying to ease the tension away. Just act like it never happened for now.

“Of course you have a party to go to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, are you coming or not?”

“Fine. I don’t really have anything better to do.”

You walk into Choi Yeonjun’s house, one of beomgyu’s other playboy friends, music—if you’d even call that music—blaring, making your ears slightly hurt and shit-faced people frolicking about, some play beer pong and other stereotypical house party games. Ah, how serene.

Beomgyu approaches Kang Taehyun and you follow as he excitedly jumped on his shoulders, scaring the dude.

“Taehyunnn!” Beomgyu shouts.

“You scared the shit out of me. What the hell gyu.”

You stare at them perplexed, “You guys know each other…?” Kang taehyun was one of the top students at your university and was extremely intelligent. And beomgyu was well…You can’t imagine they would both be friends at all.

“Of course we are! We’re best friends!”

“That’s stretching it a bit.” Taehyun jokes.

“Hey! You can’t say that to your husband!”

“We’re not husbands…I would never marry you.”

Beomgyu gasps. “So you want a divorce?!”

“Yeah because he’d marry me instead!” Huening kai walks over, drink in hand , another music student you recognised but he took it as a minor.

“You’re cheating on me?!?!” Beomgyu gasps even louder, making huening Kai laugh.

“You’re scaring away all the hoes beomgyu…” Taehyun sighs.

“What hoes? You get zero bitches. Me on the other hand…” Beomgyu flicks his hair at taehyun which only causes Kai to laugh even louder. A very unique laugh, you note. “Anyway this is Y/n! We’re working together on that music performance.”

“Oh hello! Nice to meet you.” They both say in unison.

“Nice to meet you too!”

The rest of the party is pretty uneventful to you. You hang out with taehyun and kai in the kitchen, talking and laughing with them. They were very entertaining to be around and friendly, happy you made some new friends. Beomgyu disappeared at some point and you see him again, clearly very drunk and making out with some girl. All three of you rolling your eyes at him.

“How much do you bet he won’t actually end up fucking them again.” Taehyun turns to Huening Kai.

“Hmmm. $30.”

“You guys know Beomgyu’s a virgin!?” You say the last part quietly.

“Yeah. I have no idea where those rumours came from in the first place.” Taehyun answers.

“Why does he act like that then though?” You ask.

“Beats me.” Huening Kai shrugs.

Once all three of you have had enough at staying at the party, you scavenge for beomgyu, finding him in the garden, passed out in a weird beetle position. And you all take him back to taehyun’s car with much effort.

Huening Kai gets dropped off first since his accommodations are a lot closer and taehyun parks his car since your block was just next to taehyun’s and beomgyu’s. You help taehyun carry beomgyu inside though.

“Hey, my dorm is just right here and I’ve got an exam early in the morning. Do you mind taking beomgyu up to his dorm yourself?” Taehyun asks, since his was at the very first floor and beomgyu’s was at the very top.

“Yeah sure. See you later taehyun. Good luck on your exam!”

“Thank you so much y/n! I’ll see you around!”

You know why taehyun chose not to come, it took absolutely forever to try and drag beomgyu up all the stairs to his dorm, elevator conveniently out of order.

You had to stop multiple times to catch your breath going up those stairs and dragging a mostly unconscious beomgyu with you but you finally make it after what feels like an eternity. Taehyun so owes you for that. And beomgyu. You genuinely feel like you’re gonna collapse but you open beomgyu’s place with his keys.

You tuck beomgyu into his bed. It was quite amusing seeing beomgyu passed out, covers tucked tightly up to his face and his mouth parted, a little unflatteringly.

He tugs on your sleeve before you can leave though, seemingly awake again. “I pussied out on fucking someone again. Is it…is it weird…Am I weird for being a-a virgin…? Beomgyu looks at you with the saddest puppy eyes ever, slurring his words from still being drunk.

“Hey…no of course not! You don’t need to have sex. It doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t be that important. You’re not weird for being a virgin! It’s…it’s normal.”

“But everyone thinks I’ve fucked everyone. And I haven’t fucked anyone. Isn’t that really embarrassing?”

“No it’s just stupid you have rumours like that about you. You shouldn’t care.”

And then he’s passed out again, probably not hearing a word you said, your hand in his to his chest from when he stopped you leaving. You clear your throat, letting go of him and exiting his place.

Next chap

Please actually reblog !! and comment !!!! if you like the fic. It’s really appreciated tysm !<3🙏💕😊 It’s discouraging when fics have such little reblogs 🤨👎Feedback is always appreciated it makes me happy :)

Taglist:

@pogigyu @denleave1088 @mashimarshmello @stellz581 @cha0thicpisces @soobsfairy444 @lcvetyvn @1ummcalhoody6 @imrllytootiredforthis @bjttersweets @aliceoracleollormusic @yongboksgf @daniarafid @nyanggk @aggiebackstage @openingssequence @qluvrv @be0mflwr​@shoooobin​ @beomgewwwwww @dickdeprived @lilactangerine @kissmeow @katsukeis @shutupheathersorryheatherr @lcvesickgyuzz @mastergibbs93 @tae-ology @popimagines @lynanist @guavagyu @soobhns @mikeeel @multistansimp4life @goquokka @scarfac3 @disneygirl712 @roses-for-my-love @maxismp1 @peachenle @i-loved-you42 @vampcharxter @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n @yuhjoeyuh @ren-junwrld @eggeutarteuu @staurdvst @tyunnie-gyuu @vivioluh @itbtoblikethatsometimes (some I couldn’t add)

[arminsumi]

Imagine Gojo taking the students all out in Tokyo for the day and the reader goes and buys everyone ice cream and then hands Gojo one and he’s shocked that one of his students considered him and she’s like “because you’re my favourite teacher” 😭😭😭😭😭 I think he’d low-key be so excited

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡

A/N: (my lactose-intolerant crying noises in the distance) ahh so cute!! i hope i wrote it as you imagined 💗

Wc ≈ 600

Pairing: GOJO Satoru x gn.reader

Summary: during a day out in Tokyo, you decided to thank your favorite teacher in some small way. Of course, he kept those words you said to him close to his heart for years.

Warnings; a little bit of flirting 👀😳, a little cheesy, i'm pretty sure it's gn but if you catch smth not gn lmk!!

A bright sun blazed in the Tokyo sky. You put your hand to the crown of your head to act as a shield from those blinding rays as you disembarked the train.

The station felt lively; people were buzzing around purposefully on their own little missions, just like you and your fellow students of Jujutsu High.

Gojo towered over you four, keeping a watchful eye from the back of your little formation as you headed out the train station. It was always you and Yuji in front, talking so fast it sounded like a crazy chattering noise to passers-by. Nobara interjected when she disagreed with Yuji. Megumi interjected when he disagreed with you — Gojo silently listened to it all and tried not to laugh.

"Hold that thought — who wants ice cream?" you asked, eyeing out a store that was packed between two others.

While you four argued about the best flavors and bought cups of double servings, Gojo paced around the bright stretching street with long legs, like he was observing the world from behind a film of his memories.

"Gojo!" you called out to him. Your voice brought him back to reality, he turned to face you, hands in pockets as they so often are.

"Y/n!" he jokingly replied with reciprocated enthusiasm. "Enjoying yourself today — ?"

"This is for you." you said, handing him a cup of the biggest serving of mochi ice cream he's ever seen in his life.

He seemed a bit too taken aback at first to register that it was for him, even though you clearly stated that it was.

"For me...?" he asked surprisedly.

"Yeah, for you." you assured. "Do you not like ice cream...? I'll eat it with Yuji if you don't want it, he was eyeing out the mochi but it was too expe — it — uhhh anyways!" you stopped, trying to cover up the fact you spent a lot of money on his ice cream.

He chuckled, "Ah, you shouldn't have blown your savings, I'm right here y'know you could have asked for me to pay."

"But you brought us out here today, I wanted to thank you, and um... I anyways wanted to get something for my favorite teacher." you said, throwing in 'favorite' just to test his reaction.

" 'Favorite' huh?" he smiled teasingly, "That's very cute." his response made you lower your head, cheeks feeling warm, heart racing a bit.

He took the cup of ice cream from you. "Thank you, Favorite Student. Though you're really fueling my sweet tooth."

"I'm sorry!" you laughed.

Roaring Tokyo noises filled your ears, you barely heard a snippet of what he said next — but he also said it so quietly, like a mumble, as if he didn't mean for you to catch it.

Something like... " ... 'got a sweet tooth for you, too."

Your friends crashed the atmosphere right then.

Yuji had stolen a bite of Nobara's ice cream, it was a whole scene. Gojo calmly watched it play out while scooping mouthfuls of ice cream into his mouth.

For the walk back at the end of the day, you noticed that Gojo stuck a little closer to you — when crossing train tracks, in crowded places, through the station, all the way up to the mountain that Jujutsu High was sat on top of.

He was so excited and flattered to know that he was your favorite. You could tell, because he teased you about it for the rest of your life.

"I'm Y/n's favorite." he proudly boasted whenever he could. Oh you just know he especially rubbed it in the other teacher's faces.

Years later, he brought it up to you in the middle of a late-night conversation. "But I'm still your favorite, right? Good, good. No one else better take my place."

[simply-a-writer01]

my first ever fanfic on Tumblr!

missing you, missing us - arthur frederick

summary: Sofia is Arthur's girlfriend, but recently he has been too busy with work and she starts to feel lonely and wonders if he loves her anymore, which is worsened when he misses their anniversary plans.

Angsty, slight swearing. Message if you want a part 2!

Arthur was the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet, caring, kind, smart, funny, gentle. And Sofia loved him with all her heart. Which was why it was beginning to hurt her so much when Arthur's career really kicked off. He had been around on YouTube for a few years now, but during the past year, he had befriended George and Chris, along with the famous members of the Sidemen.

At first, Sofia had been immensely proud of him and his achievements. And she still was to an extent. But lately, he had been too busy to even call her sometimes. She felt like their shared apartment was just hers at times. He came home late most nights, having been filming with the lads. Sometimes smelling of alcohol, is a factor included in the job. And whilst Arthur wasn't an alcoholic as a few of the others probably were, it still wasn't the Arthur she remembered.

The two of them had met through a mutual friend four years ago and hit it off immediately. After five dates the two were falling in love, and falling hard. It had been a whirlwind of a romance. He would take her on cute dates and she would cook them romantic sweet dinners.

But lately there had been none of that.

And she didn't want to complain. She didn't want to cause any problems. Because the truth was... he wasn't doing anything wrong. He wasn't cheating. That she knew for sure. It was this job. But it was his dream job. And who wouldn't dream of being able to make a large profit by making videos hanging with your friends and having fun.

But it still hurt. She hadn't seen him in a week now, and every time she sent him a message she'd get a short reply back a few hours later.

Tonight was different however. Tonight was their anniversary and they had made plans months ago. They were going to go to their favourite restaurant and then walk over Millennium Bridge. Sofia's favourite of all the London bridges because it featured in the Harry Potter movies. And then they'd come home, bake cookies and watch movies whilst snuggling. Most likely a Harry Potter movie.

Whilst she was doing her makeup, having just showered, her phone buzzed beside her. The screen lit up to show that Arthur had messaged her.

going to be late, having to shoot a few retakes x

She bit her bottom lip, slightly frustrated with the pushback. But nonetheless, she knew he'd still make it in time for the reservation. They had planned to meet at the restaurant anyway, due to him working all day.

With a sigh, she continued to get ready. She curled her hair in loose waves, brushing them out to make them bouncy. Her outfit was a beautiful dark red dress which stopped just over her ankles and hugged her curves in all the right places. Looking in the mirror, she decided she was rather happy with how she looked.

She did the full works, jewellery to match, Arthur's favourite perfume of hers, and a classic dark red lip to match the dress. With her dark brown hair and bright blue eyes, she looked beautiful.

When she arrived at the restaurant she decided there was no point waiting around outside and went in to be seated at the table she had reserved for them two months ago. It was fairly busy, but with it being a fancy restaurant, the volume was still quite low, with classical music playing in the background.

It was a once-a-year type of restaurant. But they had the most divine meals and wines.

"Thank you," She smiled politely as she was taken to her table, feeling much warmer now that she was inside, away from the chilly London breeze. After five minutes she ordered herself a drink, assuming Arthur wouldn't be too much later. But then five minutes turned into twenty and her first glass of wine had been drunk.

"May I take your order yet Miss," a waiter came up to her, dressed in a neatly ironed black suit.

"Just some bread for the table please, for now." She smiled, her stomach growling in hunger. Embarrassed, she pulled out her phone, ignoring the strange stares she got from people around her. Even if she wasn't being stood up right now, people can go out for dinner on their own, she wanted to tell them all.

Where are you? x

She sent a quick text to Arthur.

Still working. Won't be long.

The lack of a kiss showed that he was rushing to message her, clearly unbothered by how late he now was. Not only had she pushed their reservation back by 30 minutes, he was also twenty minutes late to the new time.

The minutes slowly added up until an hour had passed.

"Miss, if you are not going to order anything but bread, I'm afraid you will have to leave." The manager eventually came up to her. The embarrassment she felt made her cheeks burn red.

"Of course, sorry." She attempted to smile, but she felt her throat closing up. Had Arthur forgotten about tonight? If he planned on being this late then he should have just cancelled all together.

With hurried movements, she paid the bill for her wine and bread before grabbing her coat and bag and leaving as quickly as she could. She had left a decent tip, having felt like she had wasted their time, and a table.

Needing a walk to clear her mind she headed for Millennium Bridge. She'd still walk over it, even without her boyfriend.

Halfway over she stopped and leant on the railing, watching over the River Thames. Did Arthur even love her anymore? He had been growing so distant from her. And it was becoming lonely.

She wiped away at her cheeks, the cold air hitting them like icicles, a few tears escaping. With a deep breath, she continued to walk to the tube station, deciding to go home.

She had tided the apartment earlier and set up the living room with snacks and drinks for their movie night, grabbing their favourite blankets. But now looking at it, she felt miserable. She had been so excited. For the first time in ages, they were going to have a night that'd be just the two of them.

She left the baking mix in the kitchen, not bothering to bake the cookies. She couldn't think of anything that would cheer her up so she headed straight for the bedroom, she once shared with Arthur. And now it felt like it was hers. But it was lonely and uncomfortable. She stripped from her pretty dress and took her makeup off, taking the lingerie off too and putting comfier pants on before picking out some comfy pyjamas. She climbed into bed and cried herself to sleep. She wished Arthur was there to comfort her. To wrap his arms around her and tell her how much he loved her. But of course that wasn't going to happen. Because he wasn't here. And he was the reason she was upset in the first place.

Her tears stained the pillow but eventually, with a growing migraine, she managed to fall asleep.

Arthur got home that evening fairly late. He had been filming a video with the boys and hadn't expected it to take as long as it had. But nonetheless, despite being exhausted, he still had fun. He left his keys on the kitchen worktop, noticing the baking mix left out. He assumed Sofia had bought it to make tomorrow.

He felt bad coming home so late, but he was doing all this for her. So they could have a stable life together and never have to worry about money. At least that's what he told himself.

It just so happened that his job was very fun too and required doing silly stupid things.

He went into the living room and saw everything laid out, but it still wasn't enough for his sleepy mind to piece everything together. But upon entering the bedroom and noticing the pile of fancy clothes and sexy underwear, it hit him like a stack of bricks.

"Shit, shit," he cursed, whispering to himself. He ran a hand over his face, looking at his fast-asleep girlfriend in their shared bed. He padded over and gently shook her shoulder, easing her awake.

"Sofia, hey, Sof." He whispered gently, feeling the guilt wanting to swallow him whole. "Baby, I'm so sorry." He began to say as her red eyes fluttered open.

"Arthur?" She said sleepily. "What are you doing? What time is it?" Arthur felt terrible. He felt sick even. He immediately noticed the tear streaks on her face and the stains on the pillow. She sat up and checked her phone, reading the time.

2am.

"Why are you back so late?" She yawned, shaking her head and chucking the phone back onto the nightstand.

"We were filming and lost track of time, and I am so so sorry Sofia. I'll make it up to you." He begged, voice cracking. He was afraid he'd cry. He was even more afraid he'd lose her.

"Don't. Please don't Arthur. You're never here. What's the point?" she gestured between the two of them, throating closing up. "I barely see you. And if I do it's through a screen. And you're not even talking to me, you're talking to all the other girls and boys who worship you."

"So this is about having a female audience? That's not my fault." He shot back, feeling defensive.

"When did I just say that? I said girls and boys Arthur. Grow the fuck up. I'm not in the wrong here." She got out of bed, making her way out of the room, needing a glass of water.

"No, hey, we have to talk about this. I'm sorry I missed tonight, I really am. But I'm also trying really hard here to make it so we have a good future." He argued, following her.

"Oh yeah, filming football videos and drinking alcohol is trying really hard." She angrily snapped. She knew he worked hard, but he still was very privileged that he got to do what he did and make a lot of money.

"That's not fair. You know how hard I work." He complained. "And the fans need videos-" She cut him off.

"I need you!" She yelled, turning around to face him. "I need you Arthur. And you're never here anymore. I feel like I don't even know you." She sobbed, holding a hand to her mouth.

"What do you mean? Of course I'm here. I'm here now." He flung his arms out.

"At 2 in the morning!" She argued.

"I was working." He reiterated.

"I know! I know you were working because you're always working! Tonight was supposed to be our night. Do you know how embarrassing it was to sit in the restaurant for over an hour and then be asked to leave because I was wasting a table? Everyone was staring at me." She cried. "And I had everything planned and all the snacks and the cookie mix and you completely forgot it was our anniversary."

"I just want to give you have a happy life." He said more quietly.

"Do I look happy to you Arthur? I'm miserable. I miss you. I don't care about the money and the fame. I'm so proud of you, of course I am. But I'm not going to stick around and wallow in misery whilst you're out drinking and having fun with your friends whilst making thousands." She shook her head, wiping at her eyes.

"Sof-" She cut him off.

"I'm tired, I'm going back to bed." She said, biting her bottom lip before moving past him, moving her arm out of his reach. He sighed and contemplated following after her. He noticed she had gotten herself a glass out but never filled it or took it with her. He went and turned the oven on, letting it heat up whilst he read the instructions on the baking packet.

He baked the cookies and when they were reading at 3:30 in the morning, he took up a plate with a glass of water, carefully balancing them. He placed them down on her bedside table and tried his best not to wake her. He changed out of his clothes before going back to the living room, setting up the sofa with the blankets Sofia had put there yesterday, trying to get comfy so he could get some sleep, hoping that in the morning his girlfriend wouldn't be as angry with him and they could talk and make up.

Sorry mate, can't do the video tomorrow. Spending the day with Sofia.

He quickly sent Chris a message.

He needed her in his life and he regretted how much he had hurt her. Seeing her cry made him want to cry. He wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to break up. But he was going to do everything he could to make it up to her. And hopefully, the cookies were a small start.

[perfectfangirl]

notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep4

• cooper and lucy wandering the desert and mans starts coughin', somethin' settin' in • whoa i just realized you could hear roger roaring from outside • roger was at a clinic, probably trying to find something to help him ☹️ • i wrote a whole entire post on this scene but anyways can i say we see full blown uncooked cannibalism hardly ten minutes into episode four like is everyone ok • the fact this scene is presented with a lot of tension, like a horror film and truly it's just a guy named roger fighting to stay not feral • i wonder how cooper met him? ghouls tend to know each other after a while [on account of the discrimination], i'm sure he was checking with this man every now and then tbh. perhaps. a friend. • cooper asks roger how he's feeling and he says "you know... it's hard out here. dang smoothies can be so unkind" and i just 😞 • "i see you got a smoothie of your own" ding ding ding ghoulcy this one's for you • you know what's particularly sad about ghoulification is for example that roger has had to isolate himself from others, even ghouls, because he was turning • roger asking for a vial and cooper looking at lucy [cooper, you botched the using lucy for bait, come on] • firmly in the camp that if cooper had vials left, he would give one to roger. cooper has shown himself to be crude and cruel seeming at times but i just know he went there with purpose • roger accepting he's turning and telling cooper and lucy to leave as a warning, roger seemed so nice, why and how did he get like this

• "i did ok" 😞 • going from standard human to turning into a feral ghoul in less than twenty eight years in the fallout universe is insane and idk if there's a lot of lore on why someone could end up like this and someone like cooper not • the difference in cooper's and roger's symptoms are pretty stark--- not entirely sold on him coughing and passing out is from ferality and more inclined to think chem withdrawals but i digress • "say, you remember how good food use to taste?" post war life is so bad, nobody in the wasteland remembers when food use to food 😭

• because roger is really nice and having a conversation, roger turns, speaking to lucy. cooper using this as an opportunity to kill roger seems so sudden and a betrayal until • look at cooper's eyes and his reaction after pulling the trigger--- not exactly the expression of someone who is in it "for the love of the game", in fact, i have come to view this act as a mercy kill • which is ironic of course because as we've all come to see, lucy does the exact thing for her own mother four episodes later • once feral, ghouls roam the wasteland operating on two instincts alone: hunger and defense. they are a threat to all those around them and i don't recall much on reversal. that's no life. roger would've turned feral and harmed them or others, it is sad • cooper mercy killing roger was in some ways compassionate, he had a sweet conversation with roger giving his last thoughts something warm and nice. cooper then going on to butcher and consume his flesh was an uh choice 💀

• and lucy immediately confused was like "wait?, why'd you do that? he was sick." i don't know if she entirely understands ghoulification, seems she thought maybe he could be helped • lucy is basically confused, begging cooper to not like, eat this guy 😭 • i'm gonna have to agree that he didn't have to eat roger, radroaches is everywhere and for free, still pondering if he did this to fuck with her or because some reason i am missing • cooper asking lucy what her name was [hold on, why he care about that?" and lucy so nearly coming this close to finding out what hank did and who cooper is [since she didn't ask his name] • "sometimes a fella's got to eat a fella" is my all time favourite quote in season one of this show lmao • cooper be funny as fuck for no reason like this man's brain is cooked • i would personally like to ask walton whose idea it was to go "mmm. mmm." while eating irradiated human flesh like that, like why is the pre war actor cooper howard like this • lucy is incomprehensibly disgusted but then goes on a thing [a vulnerable thing] about vault 32 starving [in the great plague of '77] and that she lost her mother during this time and that her father never resorted to cannibalism. there's some time and memory discrepancies here • "well there's what people say they did and what they really did" i wanted cooper to be wrong so bad here when he went on to clown hank by saying "i'll bet your daddy was first in line at the cookout. i bet he had a bib with a drawing of his neighbour's ass on it" • lmao they gave all the best lines to cooper, i'm sick, he was right • lucy, having had enough and not finding cooper's humour being used as a way to cope like this asks this disturbed little man • "how do you live like this? why keep going?" and for the briefest moment, and i do mean brief, cooper feels the crushing weight of who he is when lucy confronts him like this • of course he shakes off a moral inquiry and transfers it to another as he asks "why the fuck am i doing all the work?... ass jerky don't make itself." and forces lucy to do it instead • twice now this man has talked about ass in less than ten minutes and for everyone's sake i'll move along 💀

• woody basically trying to interrogate the raider prisoners and getting nothing, meanwhile--- i think they already starting to be poisoned • ooo ok but betty telling norm he's the last standing maclean in the vault so his words carry and people listen. it occurred to me maybe he inadvertently inspired the poisonings of the raiders but it's also occurring to me that because they couldn't just all be shot outright, being poisoned was the best follow through method, nobody notices until it's already too late. now who is sneaky enough for that? • "when clever boys like you are angry, you're lucky not to have seen where that can lead." so... was betty present for shady sands? hmm • betty asking norm to tread lightly is very... not a threat, but she's watching him, right

• ok! we have that second water scene. it's confirmed here cooper is fetching water from an irradiated source [hence why denying lucy any makes sense] he puts it in his canteen and drinks it just fine. lucy is obviously mindlessly thirsty because she defeatedly drops down to drink the murky, stagnant irradiated water. it's so irradiated, her pip boy is going crazy, she literally gags in the scene • "now you're getting it. how does this golden rule jibe with what's going through your head now?" well i mean we knew cooper been fucking with her the whole time and showing her the wasteland streets but it is also unlikely she would have found a clean water source where they are, i guess her getting radiation sickness may have been inevitable but cooper denying her water kept her from being sick • after another insane string of sentences from this centuries old movie star, lucy finally asks "what are you?" and it's more like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" • "oh i'm you, sweetie, you just give it a little time" is majorly menacing after everybody just drank stagnant rad water like it's koolaid • cooper felt so smug then was zapped with karma again because he has a coughing fit directly after telling lucy this lmao • walton has such a good old man cough ❤️ • lucy takes cooper coughing up a lung as an opportunity to run [where i don't know but] • cooper uses his lasso skills he used to use at kid's parties to pull lucy back and then says some shit like "where you think you going? you ain't going nowhere."

• so we have arrived at the infamous and intriguing finger biting off scene--- can i just say she bit his finger off with such ease and then! cooper doesn't even act like it hurt, he seems... pleased he got that kind of reaction out of lucy. he's like into it 💀 • "there you are, you little killer" i'll keep this pg13 and say cooper really wanted to get a rise out of lucy, to bring the dog out of her, huh • he... then proceeds to cut her [corresponding hand's] finger off. ironically applying the "do unto others as you would have done unto you" tit for tat, if you will • i was surprised he did this because like ok, she spat it out? pick it up and reattach it, fella 😭 but there's more under the surface here because • cooper says "now that right there is the closest thing we've had to an honest exchange so far." and he's being framed in a close up so close, you can see his dainty eyelashes, sun shining in the background, his hazel eyes sparkling--- this is not on accident ☝️ gdgkdkfd • there's a lot of symbolism to be had but for now, i'll save that for next episode notes when cooper does the thing • ah chet! and steph. i kinda am of the idea she strategically got with him but anyways! who wouldn't! chet hot as fuck! and steph look like an assassin • bert's shoes so small gldgldfl • steph is definitely angry and sad dealing with bert's death in her own special way [trying to fuck chet] • excuse me but why they turned an almost sex scene into a birthing scene 😭💀 • lucy been walking the wasteland without a shoe, how she do it 😭 • i did not pick up on cooper bartering lucy for two months' worth of vials [thanks subtitles] • "mint condition" [looks at a bloody stump on hand] "near mint condition" now who fault is this?? lmao • "you got problems out here too, sweetheart" like, shut up 😭 • cooper every time he interacts with a mr. handy is one of the only few places he gets to hear a voice of this old friend • "best you try your luck behind that door" well at least he untied her • this is like the third time he's gotten instant karma with lucy because either he pretended to keep it together until she went in or genuinely didn't know he was going to pass out but • went through the five stages of grief trying to figure who he sold her to because i deadass was thinking the same thing lucy was 😭 • lucy being given the finger of like, a corpse or something because it's grey 😭 forever changed by the wasteland, always carrying a little bleakness and death with her ❤️ • lucy never experiencing real cotton [or maybe only rarely] • lucy calling cooper a creature 😭 • "he put a leash around my neck and made me drink from puddle water that i'm pretty sure was some kind of animal pee" sending 😭 she talking to this evil mr. handy like it's a person • her recounting her captivity with cooper like he was simply being mean to her is just • "and i thought i was here to be a sex slave." "what?! no! what a disgusting idea. i'm simply going to harvest your organs." damn, fallout which one is worse, like fuck---

• hope the jello cake veronica got wasn't poisoned... • "what are you looking at?" "a murderer in a cage, paying the price for what you did to us. for what you did to the innocent people in vault 32" and norm gets circumstantial evidence from a raider by accidentally cross examining one of them with it being more than anything woody could coax out of them • one thing about the macleans, they smart • i also think it's excellent writing that intrigue was spurred like this by a raider saying vault 32 wasn't innocent because they were running an experiment like all the vaults did, everything isn't so black and white • norm reads every situation correctly because why he read chet by saying chet came along to investigate because norm reminds him of lucy fkdgkdkg • still piecing together the full extent of vaults 31, 32, 33 together but at first i couldn't understand why it looked like so many took their own lives--- apparently them discovering what vault 31 was about started a rebellion but two years seemed so recent to me. curious how this overlaps with shady sands if it does • they showed the spooky ass rat utopia experiment still playing on the tvs in there but i wasn't sure if this was explicit about that being vault 32's experiment

• lucy being prompted to continue on because of a flashback from her mom upon awakening 🥲 • "lucy sweetie what are you doing out here?" and those were her memories on the surface [nevermind cooper calling her [[condescendingly]] "sweetheart"] • i did not realize the ghouls were being kept in the freezers but it looks like they either only sell ghouls or keep the ghouls "on ice" [not unlike how dom pedro would keep cooper and cut pieces off of him] and collect the organs of standard people right then and there • "sir, you can't do this. please, i need my organs" lucy, it's just a robot bulter, he's not a real guy 😭 • the way lucy got out of this pickle quick, almost got snip snipped but short circuited the murderbot • lucy putting her murdercap on and putting drano in the murderbot's syringes, clever girl • it was so "star wars" of her to treat mr. handy like a person and then the guys running the organ trafficking scheme going "you might as well be holding an air conditioner hostage" 😭 • the organ traffickers running the super duper mart ring are so dull and banal evil types, it's so satire

• i just registered those two organ trafficker guys got a camera and can see cooper laid out in front of the store • lucy freeing the ghouls 🥲and one even thanking her [even the feral ones 💀] • poor martha, i peep how we see lucy's grey finger and it being shown used to defend herself against martha in her feral state • organ traffickers got ate up bless • nothing lucy did besides shoot was going to honestly stop martha, sometimes your pacifist playthrough doesn't go as planned • the pip boys still being on and running on the not alive people in vault 32 • "death to management" and it's directly the reference to vault 31's experiment, right there

• lucy walking out of there with mismatched shoes but two shoes nonetheless ☝️ • i guess lucy sincerely did not comprehend cooper is a ghoul or ghoulification, i suppose most vault dwellers literally would never know, that's post war history, wow • lucy asking cooper about if the vials keep him from going feral and he cannot even speak, he can only nod, from a prone position, on the ground--- the power/framing trade off is excellent • lucy bends down, briefly rolls the gun in her hand, while cooper lies helpless, she delivers a fatal line • "i may end up looking like you. but i'll never be like you" harbouring not enough ill will against him despite mistreatment, she gives cooper several vials, directly near his hand. didn't have to do none of that shit! • if i was cooper, i'd be scared as hell of this lady, she took down an organ trafficking ring in a grocery store ran by two armed guys, a murderbot, with some feral ghoul hostages, all of the bad and dangerous people fucking died • she really could've ended cooper right then and there, his devotion in season two gone be unmatched lmao

• i truly think he had a hint of a smile on his face after she helped [save his life] by anyways • lucy walks into the proverbial sunset meanwhile this man shambles into super duper mart about to go on the biggest bender the wasteland has seen since the bombs dropped • cooper gets so fucked up, i lost count how many things he ingested, king said all of 'em • cooper is so goddamn famous, his film "the man from deadhorse" is just sitting next to a tv • you could say here is where cooper has a crisis of conscience whereupon he holds the tape in his hand but truly we know already he had that centuries ago when he filmed "the man from deadhorse"

• cooper watching the scene, the very moment in his life where things started to shift--- he tries to cock an invisible fun, being unable as he remembers his trigger finger is gone [neutral, disarmed, here's where i think he decides he wants to sew on lucy's finger to his hand] it's like he's starting over, a moral rebirth but with his trigger finger • they really made cooper say "you commie son of a bitch" in a western, just ugly propaganda • let's examine "feo, fuerte, y formal" again! "ugly, strong, dignity" does post war cooper have two out of three on that front? is this his step into regaining dignity again? • cooper was always playing characters, it was expected of him and he got paid for it. it feels like a wall is being torn down, something is being shed here. and maybe it's this character he's masquerading as • cooper and lucy both having revelations in the super duper mart--- lucy realising you can't always reason and logic out of a situation and cooper being confronted with the fact you can keep your morality and sense of self intact and a horrible place and situation doesn't have to change you

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

title: we’re oranges and apples now

paring: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: you and grayson broke up years and years ago after a long and happy relationship but one day you meet again in the future and the memories come flooding back…

parts: we’re apples and oranges now (your pov)

warnings:

a/n: this is we’re apples and oranges now but reversed in Grayson’s POV, you’ll notice this mirrors the other fic quite a bit, this is intentional!!

tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @peterlcsingwendy @lxvebelle @xoxo-vee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zoyaaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77

Grayson’s POV

I was wandering around the shops cluelessly. Cluelessly is never a word I thought I’d describe myself with. Grayson Hawthorne was not a clueless man but nowadays I seemed to becoming less and less like Grayson Hawthorne than ever. I check the list of items I’d been asked to purchase and gather most of the things I need. I find myself in the fruit aisle, picking up various berries when I spot some oranges. Not my particular favourite but I decide to get some anyway. As I’m picking some I’m suddenly aware of someone beside me. I glance from the corner of my eye. She’s recognisable in an odd sort of way. I couldn’t quite see her face but something about her presence, the way she’s breathing, her careful movements, it’s all so familiar. It’s like I’d seen her so many times but couldn’t place my finger on who she is. I ignore the puzzle my brain is trying to make this and focus on the oranges in my hands. She’s buying apples, placing one by one in a brown paper bag. I’m just about to put the final orange in the bag when suddenly I feel her bump into me. I see hands fly to her mouth and her eyes widen.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry!”

Her voice hits me like a train and I realise who she is. Why she was so recognisable. The left side of my chest fills with warmth that spreads across my whole body and suddenly my heart is pounding. I’m frozen for a second, not knowing what to say until I blurt out her name.

“Y/N!”

I stand up properly to make sure it’s really her. She’s stood there still, not moving, not blinking, I don’t even know if she’s breathing. She seems to be ina state of paralysis for a few moments. She looks up finally and murmurs my name.

“Gray?”

I chill runs down my spine, it’s been so long since I’ve heard my names from those lips. Her lips. The ones I used to kiss and now look at us. Too flustered for each other’s good in the fruit aisle of a grocery stores. Her hair spills around her face, framing her beautiful features. It’s like I’m looking at her for the first and last time all over again. The odd feelings of desire and pain mixing up into some messy soup in the pit of my stomach. As our eyes meet, a lifetime of love flashes before me. Memories that had been buried deep into the darkest parts of my mind begin to resurface and play like a mini movie. Over and over and over, like the film tape was stuck in the camera and no more of the story could make it through. She looks just like I remembered yet not quite. The months I’d spent moping over her, dreaming of her features, once drawing her just from memory. And now she was here infront of me. I wonder what she might be thinking. If she were thinking about the past we’d been through or the present were in now. Or maybe it’s neither, maybe I’m not even on her mind.

“Wow it’s really you,” I say. I want to smile, but I can’t will myself too, it feels in my gut like some sort of betrayal… but I don’t know who to. My wife? My children? Myself? Her?

It’s so odd seeing her again. Part of her was always somehow engraved into the side of my heart. Even when it was all over, the scarred name was still there and right now I can feel it throbbing. I don’t know whether the pain is good or bad but it just feels so natural for it to occur. I’d thought I was over this, over her, over the feeling but now I can see her again I don’t feel so powerful over my own swarm of thoughts as I did when she wasn’t staring at me with those angel eyes. She’s everything I’d remembered. Perfection doesn’t even begin to outline what she looks like. She looks a little older, a little more mature but I dare say it’s made her even prettier. She has the same gorgeous eyes, bright smile, soft hair. All those nights I’d spent gazing at her while she slept, tracing the very features that I stare at now. Then I’d taken them for granted, assumed that I’d be able to do that forever but now I just take them in slowly, processing this might be the last time I see them.

A question plays on the tip of my tongue, but it had already died long before in my throat, so I don’t ask it. Even though my heart is screaming for me to just be brave for once, my brain declines once again. My eye flicker down to get a glimpse of her left hand. I am guilty, but I have to know if she’s found someone new. Someone who’s given her what she deserves, the things that I couldn’t. But her left hand is gripping the basket so tightly that her fingers and any rings are hidden behind the handle and the white of her knuckles. So I’m left staring at the items in her basket. Baby bottles and blankets. My heart plummets down to my stomach. Was she expecting? Or had she already had her child? It’s funny, I’d always thought if she’d ever had a baby it would be mine. Suddenly this revelation makes me angry. She is having it has had a baby with someone. She’s a mother and not to my children. It stings so much more than it should. Like antiseptic on a fresh wound. But what hurts more than that is that I don’t know these things about her anymore. I don’t know her life, all the exciting moments and even the painful ones. And I’m never going to. It’s never going to be what it was and it’s all my fault. I let it all slip away and now I’m full of regret,

And then the blow of guilt hits me out of no where again. As if a shell has exploded right in front of me and I’ve been blown to smithereens. I should’ve be feeling regret. I have my own a life now with a woman a love, who is now called my wife. I have kids and a car and a steady income. And she has her life. I’m selfish, I’m so bitterly selfish for wanting what I can’t have when I already have so much… and yet it still doesn’t stop me.

Her hand shifts hold on the basket and then I see it. An engagement ring and a wedding band. Classy and classic. I expect nothing less, of course. That’s her taste. It always has been and I’m glad she’s find someone who respects that, who acknowledges it. But it’s grating at me… if we had still been together would she have gotten the same set or would it be different. I wish I didn’t care this much. I shouldn’t care this much. It’s a piece of damn mental and yet it’s suddenly the only thing on my mind. I’m ridden with a horrible vicious jealousy, spreading like an ugly rash all over my skin. I’m jealous of whatever man put these rings on her finger, whatever man got the luxury of calling her his wife. I’m disgusted in myself for feeling this way because she looks happy. Happier than ever. And I want that for her more than anything. She deserves to be the happiest girl in the world. But I wish I could’ve made her this happy. But I failed. And this is my punishment. I have my own life now and so does she, so I keep having to remind myself. Why is the concept so hard for me to grasp?

I wonder about her husband. It’s hard to picture her with someone else. I think about all the things I hope he is to her. Was he the kindest soul on the planet? Would he do anything and everything for her? Did he treat her like she deserved more than the world? I hoped, I prayed he was. And even though I’m trying to forbid it to, my mind still wanders on… Was he anything like I was? Or did I scar her so badly that he was my opposite? What made her choose him? Fall for him harder than she’d fallen for me? What made his love worth fighting for?

I look back to her face and inwardly sigh. I doubt she was doing this. Mulling over me and my life like I am hers. Overthinking every detail, wondering who she’s married to and why. She’s too kind, too mature. I only wish I could have the decency to do the same, but it’s pricing difficult. Though, I catch her eyeing my wedding ring. And suddenly a pang hits my stomach and I want to tell her so many things that I can’t. I wish I could tell her I didn’t dare engrave the initials in the metal, like we’d one discussed. I didn’t for one second think of doing that with anyone but her. I wanted to tell her that I drove all the way out to a jewellers in another town just so I wouldn’t go to the same one we once did. I wanted to tell her that I kept the promise rings we’d made together and I still have them in a box under the roof of my house. But I stay silent because I am a coward.

“Yeah, gosh, hi, how have you been?” she asks. The first thing I notice is how radiant she looks, the brightness in her eyes and joy in her voice. ‘She’s happy’ I think again and that makes me smile a little.

“Good, I’m good,” I reply, “how are you?”

“Yeah,” she nods, “good as well.”

“It’s been a while,” i say, forcing a laugh to hide the resurfacing pain. It was easier like that.

“Yeah it has,” she grins back, her eyes pinned to mine. She looks so delicate in this moment and so unbelievably beautiful, “it’s about time we’d bump into each other.”

“Yeah,” I reply, gazing at her trying to suppress my smile. But it seems to not obey and suddenly I’m grinning like I haven’t in a very long time, not since we were together I don’t think.

A menagerie of memories replay in my head, but it feels like I’m a bystander in every scene, watching another version of myself with her. A wave of deja vu envelopes me suddenly sending tingles down my spine. I don’t like what she does to me, I don’t like feeling so far from myself and yet I miss her so much. And just as if she’s reading my thoughts she says three fateful words that I’ll never forget,

“I’ve missed you,” she says rather suddenly.

Those words hit me like a bus, in the best way possible. In fact I wish to be hit with that bus over and over and over just to feel the impact.

“I’ve missed you too,” I say, hoping she can hear the meaning in my voice, see the emotion in my eyes.

The tide of bittersweetness roll in and out slowly, unsurely, indecisively. And even though the water is only up to my ankles I’m suddenly drowning. Drowning in the most minuscule amount of water because my mind is making it out to be so much more than it is. A unswallowable lump forms in my throat in this prolonged silence. My eyes refuse to leave her face, the very face I left all those years ago. She wears the same expression as that night. One of the worst nights of my life. Her eyes are wide, a borderline of hurt and happiness. I still have nightmares to this day, it’s one moment of us together that I never wish to relive. The silence makes me ache all over, craving her voice once more. I want to forget about the history and bury it right next to the pain and trauma that have been buried for years now. But making this quiet somewhat bearable is the silent conversation we share. We know each other well enough to do so. A shared moment the saddest of happiness and the happiest of sadness all at once.

A call comes through on my phone and I look down to the buzzing device to see it’s my wife. Guilt surges through me once again.

“Well I’d best get going,” I tell her quickly.

I need to get away. Even though all I want to so is stand her for the rest of time just to hear her voice and see her face. She’s my drug, she always has been and always will be. But I gave up a long time ago and I can’t go back to what I was, to who I was. So I need to run and rehabilitate, so I don’t get addicted again. A coward of a man is all I am, but I least I laid my eyes on her beauty once more before I never did again.

“Yeah me too,” she nod firmly, confidently.

She holds herself with so much more pride now, she knows how much she’s worth and I can see it. I’m glad.

“Goodbye Y/N,” I murmur, savouring the feeling of her name on my lips, “I wish you all the best.”

And I did. Truly I did. I wanted her to have everything she ever could dream of and then more.

“Bye Gray,” she says with a small smile that I never realised how much I’d missed seeing, “I wish you the same.”

We turn and walk our separate ways, apples in her basket, oranges in mine. I take the call from my wife and then wander aimlessly down different aisles not knowing what I was doing or where I was going anymore. Until it had been an hour and I finally made it back home. As soon as I can I get into the shower and break down. A sob silently as the water droplets run down my body, until the lungs ache and my head screams at me to stop. And even then it’s hard to. I can’t shake the regret, I can’t shake the pain, I can’t shake her voice and her face from my brain. I quietly wonder if she cried too… no. She’s far too strong. I pull myself together for the sake of the life I lead now and force myself not to think of her.

The oranges rot in the fruit bowl. I don’t think I would’ve eaten them when they were fresh anyway, I’ve never liked their immediate sourness and then the thick sugary aftertaste left to coat my throat. The next time I go to the shop I buy apples instead of oranges hoping she’d be there too, but she never was. I find myself wondering if the next time she went to the shop she bought oranges rather than apples in hope to see me. But I suppose it will remain one of the worlds’ greatest mysteries and I will never find the answer, no matter how hard I try…

a/n: I gave Gray’s pov a shot?? Don’t know how successful it was, but I hope you enjoyed anyways. Thanks for reading 🤍🤍

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