#AND UR WORK?? don’t get me started
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omg just saw we're new moots.... hi lovely 🤭
omg ara hi 🤭🤭🤭 we’re both pisces it was literally meant to be
#HELLO!!!#i love ur blog omg so pretty#AND UR WORK?? don’t get me started#i will sob !#hi cutie#arabella!#enha!asks
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@dollsuguru pspspspps……….. the teeniest tiniest sneak peek just for u ………………..
#THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS OK I BARELY KNOW THIS MAN#idk why my first thought was to write him crying ok….. don’t look at me……. i just think he’d look pretty w tears in his eyes </3#kairo do i have ur approval so far…………….. is he the type to cry . like at all. i can see him being a bit of a closeted crybaby#BUT I DONT KNOWWWW writing abt characters when u havent finished the source material is so terrifying 🥲🥲#im out here feeling like the author herself is gonna come after me if i write him wrong#(also trust that i’m breaking into ur dms when i Actually get started on this i’m gonna need u to be my coauthor i fear 😞)#ari noises ✩
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how it feels seeing nh vs ss debates online
#anti naruhina#anti sasusaku#i used anti tags no one come for me pls#i’m sorry both ships are so ass#ss was doomed from the start but ur telling me there was no way to make nh work?#shonen mangakas after giving more thought into the romance between random side characters and having the mc as an afterthought#don’t get me started on tl#i’m aware i’m not doing anything original with this but still#at least with nh i can kinda see the appeal#like shy x extrovert#not for me though#but ss? baffles me
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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noticed that a lot of caleb haters are literally just mostly sylus and rafayel girlies 💀 starting to think yall are just jealous your man isn’t looking like the center of attention… goofy it’s an otome nobody’s stopping you from liking both😒
#cause why did i go rewatch SYLUS trailer#to marvel at LADS team gorgeous animations#and i saw people saying his was better💀#who asked LMAO#nobody asked#& don’t get me started on raf girls.#AND GOING AS FAR AS TO BULLY THE VA IS WILD WORK#do better ur grown women#tw — nunu’s opinions 🧑🏽💻
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Both love and hate the absolute DELUGE of ink a fresh sharpie unleashes onto the paper the instant it makes contact…. I have complicated feelings towards the deluge lmao
#pepper words#it might not even only be fresh sharpies idk. I don’t remember… it might always be a deluge#until it starts to die#I use to ONLY use sharpies to draw traditionally for like the longest time. but then I got fancy pens and shit.#that dont piss out all there ink instantly#it’s kinda fun tho.. like it forces you to draw faster. and press lighter. and just. be looser w ur lines#and even when ur being loose it’s STILL making thick as hell lines. but. that’s also kinda interesting..?#idk. it’s kinda fun using them again sometimes. I feel like it’s kinda freeing. u just have to accept what the sharpie puts out#u can only control it so much. u have to let go of that urge for perfection and take what u get#I feel like currently I really struggle w. liking my sketches more than my lines. and trying to replicate all my sketchwork#into my linework… but lines are not sketches!!! so it leads to linework I don’t like either cuz it’s all scratchy and weird#i feel like. 1 I need to learn. to let some pictures just be sketches. like if I like the look of my sketch and wanna keep that loose#conceptual sorta look. to just. not line it. not try to replicate a sketch in lines#and 2! to embrace smoothness in my linework more… to accept my lines. not looking exactly like my sketch#and to not go over every single sketch stroke in ink to try and achieve that.. cuz it doesn’t work!!!!!#and.. uhhh. yeah! I think using sharpies might actually help out w that. cuz u literally. u CANNOT go over them a 100 times.#or trace over every sketch mark. the spread of the ink does not allow it! and if u keep trying it’ll just become a mess#forces me to accept my lines as they are… lines….#ok anyway… sorry for the impromptu sharpie / art dissatisfaction discussion ghghg#sharpies r cool and interesting to work w!!! force me to do things differently i think I like em#but also because I’m so stuck in my ways w lining my sketches they also frustrate me initially ghgh- but who cares if I’m frustrated!#the lines down! it’s done! u just gotta move onto the next one! and boom. whadaya kno#all of a sudden u got some finished linework that isn’t exactly what u put down for the sketch. but it’s smooth and clean and shit!#thats cool lol
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unfortunately, bakugo will not load the weights onto your barbell all the time 😔
kiri however 🥹🥺🥹🥺 will stop midset to help you. will stop a treadmill too.
#bakugo helps at the start tho when he feels like u’re more likely to injure urself LOL#but when he sees u getting used to it#he wants u to Work For It 🥲#kiri however 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#he has an eye on you always aksnsj even when u don’t ask him to help you 🥹🥹🥹🥹#need a kiri rn …. kiri save me ….#loading the barbell is THE MOST TIRING part fml#its gym princess treatment w kiri 🥹 until you both get to the bodyweight exercises like abs or smth 🥹🥹🥹 that guy is brutal#kills u with a smile and tells u ‘cmon 30s more!!!’ with a SMILE on his face while HE’S shaking himself LOL#longest 30s of ur life lmao#i talked so much again#shotorus.bubble
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hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!
frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that.
i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.
but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.
the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”. like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends.
best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?
maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway.
one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?
or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!
and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something!
i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!
dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.
all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.
anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..
lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂↕️
thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333
what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here
first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)
no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?
HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.
i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.
OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY
🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives
p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕
#liv in the replies#HI HI HI HELLO!!! IT'S SO NICE TO HEAR FROM U i hope u have a lovely quiet end of the year <3 with lots of time to rest & find ur own joy#& YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SORRY!!!! <33333 ANY MESSAGE IS A GOOD ONE!!! WHEN I TELL YOU I 🥹💕😭☺️🥰🦋💕💗‼️‼️❣️❣️ UPON RECEIVING THIS HEARTS FOR THU#ALSO IMPORTANT😭😭 I DIDN'T MEAN TO GUILT TRIP U I HOPE U DIDN'T TAKE IT THAT WAY i personally just. need to work on reblogging my own stuff#i hate reblogging my own fic announcements even so i was like listen this is for ME because EYE want it here and that's FINE. ok brain???#and also i think i have just accepted the slide that there WILL be hrpf here mostly because i keep tagging it but i always don't want to#plug this blog over on cbpc-hrpf or anything bc do you really need to follow me in multiple places or is that just being greedy you know.#obviously i don't because why else would i be dithering in the tags. anyway tl;dr i consider u beloved & also my friend welcome in the dms#at any time always. i hope everybody knows just yeet yourselves in there i am a Yapper and i love discussing. getting asks is one of my#favorite things :))) & getting messages from people is how u make friends!!! sometimes u tell people u love their work & now u are bffl <3#we all have like. Quintessential Moments that are secretly niche & the joy of going U DON'T KNOW ABOUT IGUANA WRESTLING??? is unmatched#also do you want to publish that poetry like?? hit after hit after hit. three paragraph six feet under. put it on the ao3 second person pov#dylan strome sitting at his fogged up kitchen window looking at the snow outside in washington the same as it was in erie the way it never#was in arizona and thinking about you know. maybe you know now what it was then. and does it matter? and in the end#he sees his girls run through the yard snowballs in their hands when he's done thinking everything through and he puts on his mittens and#walks out the door to his life. into the cold unknown you know. honorary fuckin' mention to what has secretly been percolating in my head#ever since i said the fogged glass window which is the one that knocks ME the fuck out every time but is so strongly a dylan/zach song to m#dream song by shallow alcove. just wanna press my nose up to the glass of your life. EYE cannot mcstrome w/that but it is incredibly vibes#also just. the queer experience of that Intense Friendship that you’re like WOW uh. maybe i need to think some things now. assigned to Them#HELP SOS what is ld19??? you will have to come explain this to me i fear. oh no you have to send me another message 😈 my brain said leon#but also london knights because mitch marner and the draft class of 2015. also had to laugh like i started singing phoebe bridgers waiting#room then immediately went into the argument of defying gravity 'i hope you're happy' (OBCR) because. i think they wish they could be spite#maybe. but maybe they know they only want them to be happy. also with the handshake... me when i. think about updating the goodnight chicag#cam now that stromer's in washington goodnight chicago goodnight indeed. DO WE EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT KITTY?? DEBRINCAT???? ALSO IN ERIE#also me🤝you🤝 caps/oilers game. they're like oh are u sick of the mcstrome teammates broadcast and i say no never thank u with my popcorn.#mcstrome
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i’m myself at home, me in public, & i runs it all
#stream#my psychiatrist says i may have adhd he also said ‘im not going to lie to u ur not an easy case bc there’s a lot of symptoms’#ALSKALSKLASKALSKLAKSALSLAJSLAKSLA#i was like ‘adhd ? i don’t have that’ & he asked like ‘nobody has every said that ?’ & i was like no ????? im just insane on the inside like#ALSJALSJALSJLAJSLA literally i went ‘i don’t think that ppl w ahdh online say they can’t tie their shoes & i don’t think it’s the disorder i#think they’re just refusing to tie their shoes’ then later on he asked me how do i feel about myself in one word & i went#‘like a sea urchin’ & he had no idea what that meant#like i thought it was quite obvious ????#nice to look at but u don’t want to step on 1 or that sucks also they’re sooo pretty but Need to Stay Way the Hell Over There’#he was reading the notes i sent to him bc i asked for my notes & i was like ‘ive comments’ ALSKALSKALKSALKSALSKLKSLKSLAKSL#he started laughing & it was bc of the way i phrased things & capitalized ? 😭😭😭 he told me that ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA#it’s very fucking funny#like u just need to read it like german#he’s polish so i trust him w my life#POLES DO ANYTHING FOR YALL !!!!!!!#like even w that 1 facist 1 i still think abt him i forget his name is was smthg funny but its like yea u look it#like this psych has a normal name but he fits it#GOOD WAY#NOT A FASC#HES POLITE & FUN idk he’s soft spoken & i find that very calming#i sound like u know the sound they play when a cat fight happens in a cartoon that’s my voice#also unrelated but my accent has finally changed so much that the british assume i’ve been here since childhood …. growth like my parents#immigrated to britain …. the chameleon trait#i think it’s so funny bc like if u Are Like That then it’ll work for any language like if u speak spanish spanish & u go to mexico spanish#ur spanish accent will change to be more mexican i think language is crazy isn’t society cool#this doesn’t work for everyone like some people will retain their accents their entire lives like u know ���bad accents’ i hate the term ‘bad#accent’ bc an accent can’t be bad it can just be strong or weak#like girl. most ppl have an accent. like some people omg if ur a professional translator u can get SOOOOO GOOD WHERE U LOSE THE ORIGINAL ITS#CRAZY#truly
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re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on
https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share
(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.
(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)
anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂
- @bondedpairs
ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!
#like. i don’t know how to explain how narratively aware will smith is to me. he knows he’s being put into the codependent rookies arc.#he’s aware that zeev buium transforms into a dog. he knows that he and mack aren’t getting together because mack’s gotta work it out first.#& in a less unhinged way i simply mean that will smith has an air of both self-conscious thought & projection i think is maybe fascinating.#but not in a way in which i actually know this or think that he thinks about himself and how he comes across. he just Is Something ????#the best way i can explain is one of my alltime favorite fics i use it like a shorthand citation bc i love it so much but catchascatchcan’s#many worlds universe but specifically the second tk/pat story second person you the ouroboros spits out its tale nolan walks off screen.#like that is the kind of narrative awareness i am trying to explain that no matter where i put him will smith knows he’s inside a story but#not in a way where he’s trying to do anything to it. he’s just present there. this makes no sense to me either please understand#liv in the replies#bondedpairs#happy to have brought you something in your times of woe!!! also hope things get a little less stressful for you!! <3#we’re 2gether p much 24/7” no go on i say in my nature documentary voice. watching them like bugs under a rock rn observing from a distance#this DID get me to actually watch the video. agreed with puckpocketed saying rich text and ur tags like. YES the daddy issues popped out.#just wants to make sure he’s having fun!! checking up!! mack the prime irritance in will’s life!! foisted off on one another w/ no choice#it’s like when your parents are friends so then you have to be friends with their kids in a way and then also like. you’re the only kids#close in age to each other but they’re NOT but it is definitely not like. i would choose you for any lifetime it is very will smith hockey#(once again) very aware he has to wait for mack to settle down. like now that i’m saying this i DO want clairvoyant will smith which is not#where it goes in the first half but just in the sense of like. those silly posts that are like ‘invested early in stock!’ & it’s a picture#of braden holtby & his beautiful bisexual wife brandi back when holts was a hipster who wore skinny scarves & now everyone thinks he’s sooo#like that but it’s will smith saying my god you are insufferable but you’ll be fantastic in five years. get in the fucking car.#(yes i am drawing extensively from the one picture where will has COMPLETELY tuned him out (there is a football reasoning reference here?#with the patriots? neonfretra drew this also but it was a tweet about the teams. there’s layers to this here ANYWAY) we’re building a life#i realize after the fact i addressed neither the dilf (gilf?) fucking here nor the content of the actual video & polycules to which i say:#brain scrampled egg. the burnsie/joe/patty/(pavs???) polycule just exists to me and the kids intersect the venn diagram but in a much#smaller portion than they intersect each other in both ways (will/mack joe/the guys)#also as for the content of the video. you’re gonna have to give me at LEAST (how long did it take me until i actually started posting tzjd?#i hate that this is my metric but it really was like. i see everyone yelling about them & i’m like ok. [please ignore the irrational hatred#i have for tz at the time it has to do with moritz seider and also whenever i see him on the ice something awakens in kill mode] and i DO#blame tzjd for my 800 drafts and it took me like. a good while before i finally went OH kay. i see it. okay i can get invested. horizon at#a 45 degree angle moon in the late waxing gibbous winds scented of orange & blowing S by SW from the vortex cycle etc etc ass conditions)
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me asf rn bc senior assassins just started
#boy y u so Long.#for those who don’t know senior assassins is basically a game (not school managed) usually led by an asb person where you can be solo or a#duo (me and my bsf) and every two weeks you get assigned a target that you have to eliminate with a water gun and get on video. the buy in#was $12 and you get a huge chunk of that money if you win. there are safe zones (school + work etc) and if ur not in a safe zone u have to#wear a floatie to protect you…i rlly hope my friend and i will win !!!#it starts tomorrow#senior assassins#goro akechi#persona 5
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okay if hoshina gets promoted to captain status in another division i will literally be so sad but it would be extremely fitting if he ends up nurturing a whole batch of recruits/an entire division through his kindness.. passing on the warmth that his captain showed him when they first met.. ough
#egg boils#also my own ship brain talking in tags now but he would Absolitely visit taxhikawa base numerous times just to hang out#in the end 3rd division will always be his HOME!!!!!!!!#GAWD IMAHINE THE PINING AND YEARNING. “i miss you#oh i’m crazy. actually.#mina not realizing how empty it feels without hoshina causing up a storm in the control rooms#also i’d assume by then kafka wld be vice captain here and it’s just not the same#no hate to kafka bc i do think with ch110 they’d be a stellar team but#he’s not hoshina!!!!#and kafka is fundamentally js a different person that provides her with a diff sense of comfort#mina missing hoshina. oh wow. amazing concept to me actually. i enjoy it#WAIT LET ME CONTINUE#KAFKA SEEING HER DOWN IN THE DUMPS AND IS LIKE MINA ARE YOU EVER GOING TO CONFESS HELLO?#you are 28 now !!!!!!!!!!!!?! he is no longer in ur division u don’t get to see him daily isn’t it just so sad and then in typical kafka#fashion he kinda starts crying For her like mina 😭😭😭😭 ur crush on vice captain (oh i guess it’s captain now huh) hoshina is soo obvious#WHY DIDJT U DO ANYTHING ABIUT IT#AND MINA IS JUST HUFFING LIKE IM COMMANDER OF THIS BASE I DONT HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUY THAT????#and kafka is like But u obviously MISS HIM#AND SHES LIKE: THAT DOESNT MATTER I HAVE WORK TO DO#kafka shaking her shoulders: MINA!!!!!!!!#so he calls hoshina instead and is U need to come over NOW#and hoshina is like ???????? but he’s free????? sort of??? and he goes over. it’s like idk say 3 hours away but he Goes Anyway.#and mina is flabbergasted when he shows up and kafka is Like awesome! tell him now!#and mina is like: IM NOT READY FOR THAT???????#kafka: just wing it 😁👍#mina: KAFKA#idea bank#that’s so funny wait
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my hot take on purity culture is that nobody knows how to be normal about sex :3
(tw for sex, puritanism, pedophila (?) [not explicit tbh], and shitty discourse)
call me a puriteen n all but like has it not bothered you to ever think of why so many young people are sex negative (definitely not a culture and internet that puts us in sexual situations when we are far too young and far too uncomfortable) ? has it ever bothered u to ask why so many young people are not performing critical media analysis (definitely not a lackluster education and culture that dissuades us from thinking deeper about the media we read) ? when I was a minor I could not tell you how many people i knew (me included) struggled with porn addiction bc we were exposed to pornography when we were FAR too young. young people are taught to be ashamed of and fearful of sex while simultaneously having their sex lives being put on blast 24/7 for others to jack off to, and you expect us to NOT act out about it?
like yes, you are absolutely right that sex (esp queer sex) is a totally normal thing and that you should be allowed to write wtv you want to write and share it among other like-minded people! yes you’re absolutely right that sex is a huge part of queer history that has been historically wiped away and that needs to be preserved !! i will not argue that puritans won’t jump at any chance to censor and shame and discriminate against anyone they deem a deviant!!! that is true!!
but you cannot expect a bunch of young people, still educating themselves, still figuring out their sexual identity in a world that shames and sexualizes them, still figuring out how to truly interact w media to have already know that. you don’t have to educate them but like there’s no need to be like “erm…minors amirite 😒” when a block will suffice
it’s so ridiculously revisionist to act like the internet is ‘sanitized’ or is perfectly filtered out so that minors stay in minor spaces and adults stay in adult spaces. there are people posting porn on tiktok, on twitter, on tumblr, on every fucking platform one can think of (including youtube). it is truly not that hard to encounter adult material even when you’re a minor. people will gladly send you porn or similarly graphic stuff even if ur a minor. you literally couldn’t have looked up mlp on GOOGLE back in the late 2000s/2010s and not be shown mlp porn. there’s an infamous porn video of mlaatr where the main (16yo) character gets raped by rock creatures, and it looks JUST like the show’s art style. so it’s very likely that there’s a generation of people whose very 1st sexual exposure was watching their fave characters be placed in inappropriate sexual content when they were children. so yay learning about sex thru bastardization!!
and combine that with young people who have never actually been taught how to explore their sexuality and instead learned “if ur even horny for a minute you will go to hell and die” ur going to get ill-adjusted young people who do not know wtf theyre doing. u are going to get people who are going to bump their heads a fucking lot.
ill be honest and admit that when I was a kid I was definitely within the puriteen camp bc gw!! I was a queer kid who just started grasping their sexuality in the middle of the pandemic and all I had was unrestricted access to the internet, that gave everything to me at 110%
I am not asking that every space be wiped squeaky clean just in case that a minor might be present, but I am asking to extend a little grace. Drop educational sources a so called puriteen should refer to!! Show how that kind of puritanical thinking can do actual harm to marginalized people!! Don’t get in internet spays w kids!! Just block and move on!!
(also i will forever be giggling at that one comic abt a minor entering an “adult” space and then getting mad at the adults there and calling them pedos just for the ‘adult’ space the op was talking about to be sophia the 1st nsfw fanfic. i literally cant)
#giz rants#:3#again late asf so could be incoherent#like not to be ageist but as a 19yo u would never catch me beefing w a 16yo over fanfic#also forgot to mention but many of these adults tend to take on victim complexes bc ppl shit on their work#ur allowed to make wtv tf u want but ur not entitled to a world where everyone else has to like it too#like i won’t read fic I won’t like but im not banned from saying i don’t fw them#also im afraid no one is morally superior here#ur not better for wanting everything to be sanitized#and ur not better for wanting all freak flags flown#long story short curate ur spaces and be willing to learn and be open#and be kind to strangers on the internet for the love of god#can we stop worrying abt puriteens and start worrying abt the ideology that gets them there??#i had to curate my own spaces since i was a kid bc i knew that i could be exposed to corn/g0re#censoring the tags so I don’t get pulled into that#and you KNOW some vilified person is going to accuse me of puritanism or anti-shipping or whatever dumbass buzzword we use know#don’t like don’t read doesn’t apply when everything is mushed together in one space and young ppl have yet to grasp the art of filtering#I still cant filter out ships I don’t like on ao3 whenever I look up my fave characters :/
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably#I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go#one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this#I can#but god I don’t know#in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I don’t know how to step into it#sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably would’ve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself I’m talking to her#I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed
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actually ngl, i have been playing with the idea of byan, at some point in their fledgling verse, probably years down the line, eventually coming to work at some shitty little 24 hour tattoo shop
#you know... one of those places that's not the best quality or anything & kinda targeted at people who're drunk and/or spontaneous#where u can walk in and get a tattoo started in under 5 mins bc ur just picking smth kinda generic#or even bringing in a pinterest tattoo to have them copy completely#and byan's like. probably one of the few there who at least makes it their own interpretation bc they hate just copying#and their work is a lot more colourful & fun bc everyone else there sees it as more of 'just a job' than smth their passionate about or w/e#they're* passionate about smh what is spelling#but like. come on. vampire tattoo artist? pretty cool. u can't tell me otherwise#but also they'd be scrambling for smth to make their undeath worth living u know#doing smth they're passionate about and maybe making a bit of money out of it would help a little#god but imagine walking in half drunk to get a tattoo and seeing what looks like this 18 y/o kid working there adhgjsg#just fully babyfaced... lookin like they should be going to school in the morning and everything#like they don't even look old enough to be able to get a tattoo without a parent's permission but here they are givin em to other people#just an idea I'm considering u know how it goes#anyway kinda exhausted after not the best day so I thinkkkkkk I'm skipping drafts again tonight sorry :x#gonna try this whole crochet thing again lmao adhgjsg#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ verse: fledgling.
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