#AND SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW AND CAN RESPECT IT
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To save a life - Rio Vidal X goddess of life reader
880 words - warnings: none
Based of this request
taglist: @thecavalrywife @hannah-0730 @believe-in-magic13 @jenniferjareauwife @wandasreallover @thesharkwhalewhoohooooo @acutenobody
Yin and yang, light and dark, life and death; they had many names but all of them lead to the same two people. Since the dawn of time they have had the two most important jobs, they brought life and death, maintaining the circle of life. They brought the beginning and end respectively, so similar yet so different, but as people have always said, opposites attract.
They understood each others jobs, respected their decisions and knew that the other would always be right in when they said it was someone's time. However there was one time they disagreed, both stood at the edge of a lake, watching from afar the cries of pain both emotional and physical of the witch known so famously as the witch killer. And that is why they recognised her, Rio and Y/N had been there everytime she took life, being drawn there as a part of their jobs.
But for once she was pleading for a life to be saved instead of taking one. The witch called out to anyone listening not to take him, that he hadn't even got a chance to live yet, it couldn't be his time already. And so they stood there, life and death both of their powers subconsciously fighting for control of the child. They had no choice in the matter, not usually anyway, the fates were not chosen by them, it was just nature. They could lend a hand in the process of their respective powers but ultimately it was not their choice and yet as she stood there watching the grieving mother Rio felt guilt.
"Please, don't take him. Please!" She continues to scream. Rio and Y/N started to walk closer, they wanted to help, they really did.
Looking up with tears still streaming down her face Agatha watched the duo walk closer. She hadn't seen them before but as they grew closer they became more clear and she started to realise who they were, she had heard legends of them. She didn't say much more, her eyes pleading enough, she just whispered a final weak "please".
With a breath Y/N finally spoke up "All I can offer is time.". Agatha looked at her with a small smile relief written all over her face while Rio looked at her with confusion and worry.
"Sweetheart, you know you're not allowed to. We can't break the rules." Rio spoke in a hushed tone, she seemed almost upset to say so.
At this Agatha started to worry again, she wasn't supposed to hear that but she did. "No, no, please! I'm begging please, let him live."
"She's been through enough." Y/N said to Rio, her voice was filled with pity. "It's the least we can do, the only thing we can do."
Rio sighed, she didn't want to break the rules, she didn't know what would happen if they did. But if her lover was going to break the rules than so would she, she would try and hold off her power for along as she could. She had to admit she didn't want to have to take the child, she was saving everyone pain this way, or atleast holding it off for awhile.
"Fine, I'll try to delay it as long as I can, but it won't be forever." She may have seemed disgruntled but she was glad she was helping, just apprehensive.
Y/N looked at her with a smile, she knew Rio would do it for her, just this once. "Thank you." She spoke quietly, mirroring Agathas much more loud, repetitive one.
They stayed there awhile longer, waiting for the child to be born, they had helped a bit already but they couldn't do much until they were here. They didn't have to wait long though, soon enough they watched as the witch held her child close, she was so so glad he was there, she couldn't let him go.
Y/N walked the few steps closer to the witch, an unspoken question in her eye as she slowly puts her hand out as Agatha nods gently. She slowly brings her hand to the baby's chest, closing her eyes as her hand begins to glow, a subtle pink hue bleeding into the child, the very essence of life seeping into his soul. She could feel his heart beat grow more and more steady, a stark contrast from the dull, slow pulse it had been mere moments ago. The small amount of her power left inside of him would protect him for a few years atleast, she could only do this once, she had already bent the rules enough. So she gave him as much as he could handle, as much time as she could.
She pulled her hand away after a few minutes knowing any more power would be too much for his tiny body. Y/N opened her eyes slowly and looked up to the witch, she looked much more calm now, relieved. "Thank you." She spoke gratefully, no amount of words could truly convey how grateful she was but they understood anyway.
Their job here was done, they had saved a life, one that was never supposed to exist in the first place. They had broken the rules but it was worth it.
#agatha all along#rio vidal#rio vidal x reader#rio vidal x reader fanfic#agatha harkness#fanfics#requests
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J!!! I don't remember if nerdy!peter plays video games but I'm pretty sure he does đ how would he react when angel keeps wanting his attention but he keeps saying 10 more minutes so she gets annoyed đđ
I literally love all your Peter's sm idek how u have the mind for all this!!
*cleaning out my drafts* wheew boy, i hope you guys remember nerdy!peter. he's been on a shelf too long!
peter doesn't even blink when you kiss the side of his face- he doesn't notice in the slightest. you hold in a sigh and mutter out a half-hearted goodbye.
'i'm leaving, i'll call you later.'
suddenly, peter's available to talk. 'woah, wait, you're leaving? why?' you bite your tongue, there's a dozen things you want to say and none of them are nice. if you stay, you'll cause a fight.
'because i'm mad at you and if i don't, we're gonna have a fight.' peter gives you puppy dog eyes, he's pre-apologizing and he doesn't know what for yet. they always soften you but when he turns away to check his screen, you harden right back up.
'i had no eyes, sorry, sorry. med pack, please.' you can only put up with so much and a game taking priority over your relationship was just a straw too much. 'you're about to have no girlfriend.'
peter hits mute real fast, tossing his headset off and standing up even quicker. he's looking at you like a deer in headlights, 'you said what?'
'i shouldn't have to threaten a break up for you to listen to me, peter.'
'i was listening! you were fine then all of a sudden you're stomping out of here and calling me single.' heâs not allowed to care when you get mad, he should've cared the last five times he said ten more minutes.
'i'm leaving.'
peter blocks the door, you cross your arms over your chest. 'talk to me.' you're being petty because it's the first time he's giving you attention since you've been here. it's nice to have him worry over you.
'no, i'm mad at you.'
'yeah, i picked up on that. wanna tell me why?' your eyes narrow, he canât act cute when you're pissy. 'no.' peter gives you a pity smile but he's not sad at all. 'then i can't let you leave, sorry.'
'you think holding me captive will fix things?' there was a snap with your voice, peter takes a step away from the door. he was half and half with your tone but after that he feels the need to back down.
'you're actually mad at me.' peter doesn't like when you're upset with him, it makes him feel all itchy. 'you can leave, angel. if you think it'll help, you can leave. but i would really like it if you told me what was going on first.'
you and peter make communication a priority but this time you want to be childish. if he couldn't understand why you were mad, he obviously didn't respect your time. you wouldn't act like this if it was the first time, but itâs everytime you come over and he's already on his computer.
you're getting tired of begging for your boyfriend to choose you over a video game, especially after he told you to come over.
'no. i'm leaving and i want you to think about why i would be mad at you.' peter whines in return, he hates when you don't give him an answer. 'angel, please. this is punishment enough.'
the issue is how well you know him. he's going to pout and give you kisses while he tells you how sorry he is and he never meant to make you feel ignored. it always makes you forgive him too quick, you don't want him to apologize for it, you want him to acknowledge it.
'you're gonna try to excuse it and kiss it better and i don't want that. i want you to look me in the eye and tell me you've been shitty.' peter's already giving you that pouty look, you ignore the clench your heart gives when he pulls you closer by your hips.
'i'm still gonna kiss it better, i'll just tell you i'm shitty while i do it.' you don't gripe when he gives you a chaste kiss. you don't tell yourself you're going back on your word, just that he didn't give you one when you first got here.
'wanna tell me why i made you mad?' you love when peter talks to you like this. it's not a whisper, but it's low. it's almost guttural- a ring of sexual if you looked at it the right way. when he pairs it with two wet kisses to your cheek, you have to remind yourself to stay strong.
'your game.' you silently moan when peter pushes your back against his door, he drops a mark to your neck. 'mhm, what about my game?' you're not sliding a hand into his hair to egg him on, it's to support yourself, that's it.
'you were ignoring me again.'
peter's lips catch anywhere they can meet, you think you're about to start sweating. 'i hate begging for your attention, i don't want to do it anymore.' peter's kissing your sweet spot, you try to keep your focus.
'angel, no one has my attention more than you.' there's only so much you can fight and peter's pillowy kisses isn't one of them. you're not forgiving, you're just compartmentalizing. plus peter's the best damn kisser you've ever had.
âuntil youâre on discord with your friends.â youâre reminded of your anger, you push peter off and glare at him. âif i didnât tell you i was leaving, would you have even noticed?â
'of course i would, i check on you every couple of minutes.' peter might suck at giving up a winning streak but he makes sure to put his eyes on you every two minutes.
'making sure i'm still here isn't the same as giving me attention. and dump me if i'm wrong, but i want a boyfriend who's a little obsessed with me.' peter kisses the middle of your throat, it spurs more frustration.
'if you wanted to fuck me, you should've done something about it an hour ago. you don't get to disrespect me then put your dick in me.' peter exhales over your skin, it feels like a laugh. you don't know why he thinks you're joking. he reads your mind before you can say it.
'angel, i'm not trying to seduce you. i'm trying to show you how obsessed you make me.' you give him your neck and he softly bites, just like that, the fight's over. 'go on... i'm listening.'
'i've been shitty.'
peter's kisses make sense, they've been on a subtle trail downwards. he sinks to his knees on the floor, hooking your leg around his shoulder and looking up at you. looking up with his angelolatry duties.
'and now i'm gonna kiss it better.'Â
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Oh man, I had been waiting to read this post!! Problem was that everytime I remembered I could not find where I saved it haha (spoiler: it was on my own chat lol)
Anyways, oooh this is very interesting!! It makes Odysseus such a human and complex character, it's incredible the levels of mastery that Homer had with his sotries!
Honestly everytime I read one of your analysis I cannot stop myself from comparing the Odyssey to Epic, and it just makes me realise more and more how much the musical missed and what we could have had! The idea of listening to a musical in which Odysseus is helpless in the face of fate, where he does his best in saving his men, having an objective that is not just about him (seeing Penelope and Telemachus again) but is about all the men that are with him (trying to save the most men he can and take them home with him), just gets me yearing for one!
I still keep thinking about that post you made about Circe, how it would have been so much better if we'd have seen Odysseus not being able to reject Circe's proposal, and him just calling to Penelope and the gods,,, and then later how it would have sounded if instead of "embracing" violence, he had just felt depressed and humiliated after Charybys and Calypso, with only his desire to see his family and kingdom again to push him forward, maybe also as a tribute to remember the sacrifice of his men and their efforts during the war and the travel,,,
I really don't like much how he became a violent beast in the last saga, I think it's very out of character for him (as if everything that happened earlier wasn't lol), but as you said in many other of your posts, I think it would have had a better inpact if the end point of the travel was to show a desperate man trying to come home but left to face the force of nature alone. I think it really does a better job at translating how, even if he has all the resolution in the world, even if he has a very strong wish, even if he tries his best, it does not mean that he'll be able to get what he wants. It doesn't mean anything in the face of reality and nature and fate, much stronger forces then a mere man. I truly enjoy those kind of stories much more because they portray something real, something that could happen to all of us. Instead Epic decided to go to the more "edgy" route, which maybe I would have appreciated more when I was younger haha.
Also while reading this I was listening to "Monster" (one of the songs of the Underworld saga) and it made me just yearn harder for a different adaptation of the Odyssey in Epic haha because I think that that song, if taken out of context (so ignoring everything else that happens in Epic) maybe could have been a song that represented Odysseus in a more "just" way?
Before continuing, I gotta say that I've read only some excerpts and some analysis of the Odyssey, so what I'm about to say might be very wrong haha (but that's why I'm sharing my toughts with you, cause I'm curious to know what you think about this)
Anyways, I think it would be actually a nice song related to him, I really like how he shows empathy towards his "enemies", after all, if I didn't read those scenes wrong, he does the same in the Odyssey. When he enters Polyphemus' cave, even if he knows he might be in danger, he still decides to follow xenia and give Polyphemus a chance to show hospitality (even if it doesn't work out), he is also shown to give Calypso sympathy, when he is about to get home, and see things from her point of view (even after all she did to him). So I think it's a good moment of self reflection for him, it shows that he is not in search for enemies but he just wants to go home.
Even the way he talks about Poseidon, saying "Or does he keep us in check so we must respect him / And now no one dares to piss him off?" I think it does reflect in a way what the Odyssey, or just any myth, tries to warn men about, respecting gods and nature because they are bigger forces that cannot be contrasted (which is very ironic if interpreted like this, because the last saga shows us the exact opposite lol)
And the last verse too "Does a soldier use a wooden horse to kill sleeping trojans cause he is vile? / Or does he throw away his remorse and save more lives with guile" I think it could go along with what you say in this analysis, that he makes decisions that others cannot to save as many people and lives as he can (even if he doesn't get many results,,,) and it also highlights how some people say that he played "dirty" with the wooden horse, but here it makes you realise why he did so, and that his plan is as honorable as attacking directly is.
The only thing that I think is kinda out of place in this interpretation of the song is that here he says that he still has to become "ruthless" to save his men, thus becoming a "monster", which I feel undermines what I said until now, that is that what he did, what others tought was "playing dirty", is actually that, an unjust plan.
Anyways, all this just to say that your analysis have been plaguing my mind and I keep thinking about a different version of Epic, and this song absolutely dealt a blow on me because, it has potential!!!! And yet, it's not used. It makes me yearn so hard for a true adaptation of the Odyssey.
I feel like if one were to adapt the Odyssey with songs, it would be a much better fit a musical series , like hazbin hotel haha (yeah, I want the songs that badly, I love musicals XD)
(Sorry if I started talking about Epic under such a good analysis of the Odyssey, I know that it seems kinda out of topic (and it probably is), but I don't think a comment would have been fit to write all this stuff haha)
Why didn't Odysseus's crew stage a mutiny against him in the Odyssey? (An analysis based on Homer's Odyssey)
It has been a while since the last time I did some Odyssey Analysis and here is an interesting question that goes on in this. A very valid question actually.
During the arduous trip in the Odyssey, the Cephallinians suffered greater loss than anything they suffered at the 10 year war at Troy. They lost almost all ships and all men were dying. They were reduced to a ship of a crew with less than 40 people and they didn't seem to get much hope. So of course one could ask; what was holding them back and didn't fight back against Odysseus apart from the indirect mutiny they did when he turned his eyes away from him to pray? Why their only mutiny was to disobey his orders and slay the cattle of Helios Hyperion? Surely more than 30 men could do plenty of damage to one man right? Why didn't they? And why is it important for the story?
So while thinking about it I came down with some possible explanations as to why that happened;
Odysseus was beloved to the gods
Regardless of their terrible situations, Odysseus probably still had the fame of someone beloved to the gods. He used to be directly communicating with Athena and was under her protection. Despite the fact that he was cursed by a god, there could be some sort of a thought running to their minds; what if we harm him and the gods strike us for it? What if there will be consequences for directly wishing harm to one who was blessed to be appreciated by gods? It could possibly be a risk that they didn't want to take. And it makes sense given how much Odysseus interracted even with minor gods during the trip (for example Aeolus or Circe). Quite frankly they might as well have wished that at some point Odysseus would appeal to yet another god for help.
Odysseus was beloved to his subjects
If you look at my other analysis here You can remember how beloved leader Odysseus was even to subjects such as slaves who in theory would have no real reason to be loyal to him. Odysseus seemed always to be a just and beloved leader and his men on the ship were not an exception. Regardless of whether they had lost faith hin him in his capability to bring him home or if they doubted his judgement, they couldn't get past the emotional connection; Odysseus had protected them during the war to the point of suffering the least possible losses, during the trip he was going to extreme measures to protect them (even the cruel misadventure in which Odysseus cut the rope from his ship to save the last ship from the Laestrygonians might as well have spoken volumes to the men that were saved). It would be hard for them to completely ignore that even in the face of mistrust. Somehow it would also be them thinking that they "owe him" till that part.
Odysseus was hiding stuff from them that could be important
Ironically the very source of their mistrust was protecting Odysseus. Odysseus didn't share with them the nature of the sack of Aeolus even if he seemed pretty clear that they couldn't touch it (and that led to their first tragedies). Later he hid the information that they would have to go through the Sirens till the very last moment where he warned them about it. Later he hid completely the information that they would go through Skylla and Charybdis. His men could think "How many more things did this man know on their way home and hid it from them?" if they captured or killed him in a mutiny how were they sure there weren't more dangers ahead that Odysseus was hiding from them and could either be informed the last moment or not at all? What guarantee did they have that Odysseus didn't know even MORE about their course? They had none. So ironically the very reason they began to mistrust him in the first place became the reason Odysseus was safe from their rage.
No one wanted to take responsibility at time of crisis!
Last and definitely not least comes for me the most important reason of all at least story-wise that shows how excellent writer Homer is into writing human nature. His men didn't stage a mutiny because no matter how displeased they were with his decisions, literally NO ONE wants to have the same responsibility to take decisions in time of crisis! Honestly, how many times do common folk feel themselves find a scapegoat usually to the face of their leaders when things go south? (and for good reason that is given that they are the ones with the responsibility to take decisions). When something goes wrong we blame the leader, the government or someone that has come forth and not only takes the decisions but also is responsible for the blame as well.
During their arduous trip Odysseus took some of the most painful decisions they could imagine in order to save what he could; he advised them to leave the Cicones and they didn't which led to their first tragedy; he tried to correct his mistake by appeasing the god Aeolus, he took the decision to sacrifice his ships in order to save the one he could knowing full well that they would never be able to fight against the Laestrygonians. He knew the 11 ships were lost cause so he acted fast cutting the ropes of his own ship and sailing away, making sure to save what he could even if that meant to the terrible loss. He traveled to the underworld even though he was alive, he chose Skylla over Charybdis knowing that the sacrifice would be too great but still not as great as to lose them all.
Regardless of their emotions at that moment; they put themselves in his shoes and realize that none of them would take the burden of leadership and take those decisions for them. Odysseus with his nerves of steel managed to save them so far even if they had so many losses and undoubtedly they realized that in his shoes they would never be able to act so efficiently and so fast. And knowing their own reactions against him; blaming him for the losses, they realize that none of them would have the guts to take not only the painful decisions but also the blame and hate that follows them. Odysseus was lifting on his shoulder as much hate and anger as very few others; not only his previous experiences at war and his actions but now his decisions of the trip. I have no doubt that even in their anger the men admired how he could carry it all.
Conlcusions:
Homer is a master of words and plot. I have no doubt that if he thought it served the plot he would have mentioned his men staging a full on mutiny against Odysseus or in one way I am almost certain he thought of the possibility being quite doable given as I said above that Odysseys was one man and the others were over 30. However knowing how great he is in protraying human emotions to his writing I think his choice of plot was deliberate.
Not only was Odysseus someone that could erupt not only controversy but also superstition given his close relationship with gods before, his leadership was always admirable regardless of the results (knowing his prudent nature and how plenty of his orders that were disobeyed ended up in a tragedy and let's face it Odysseus was also a brilliant fighter. I doubt anyone would easily take the first step to fight him one on one either!) and above all he was one of the best when it came on taking some really difficult decisions, carrying on his back not only the personal guilt he felt while taking them but also the anger of others and their retalliation. And in an amazingly human writing Homer speaks on times of crisis. When people do not wish to take responsibility at times of Crisis because they know full well that their decisions rarely ever would be painless!
Therefore they couldn't retalliate against him; they didn't want the responsibility of leadership or the blame for the losses. They didn't want to stand against authority directly either. So they took the indirect mutiny decision; when authority is not present they disobey or they break their will when the force of authority.
Could we perhaps one more time appeal to the usual theory of "unreliable storyteller" and speak on how Odysseus doesn't want to mention a mutiny in his story to Phaeakes because he doesn't want to appear as weak leader in their eyes?
We could but in my opinion this doesn't seem likely. Odysseus is already humiliated; shipwrecked and a beggar in their house. He mentioned how it was ellegedly his fault that the whole domino of reactions began when he mentions how he was yelling to Polyphemus being blasphemus that not even Poseidon could put him back together if he had killed him (which let's face it is too much given that gods had no probelm resurrecting some dead before). He had already mentioned his men not listening to him and disobedience was already a heavy thing. He didn't hide most of the unpleasant experiences during the trip so why miss the opportunity of shifting the blame to his men, saying that they stage a mutiny against him thus himself being unable to react instead of stating that he fell asleep during the prayer? To show that his men fear him so they do not dare to face him? Perhaps but it seems unlikely given the whole story in which Odysseus doesn't hide his bad sides from them.
What do you guys think? Let me know to your comments and reblogs below! ^_^
#sorry again TwT#but your analysis hount me (in the best way)#and I didn't know where else to share my toughts haha#also I know this might be redundant to you#I've seen you talk about how Epic had potential about other songs but didn't use it#I think I just wanted to add to that lol#I hope this is not too bad
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Heya! Never written an ask before but I love this story and the snippets so much that I decided to give it a go! Genuinely, this is the only blog where I read every ask. So! I actually have two burning questions, but it seems like it's better to send them as separate asks so I'll probably do that. Hope that's alright! Anyway, the first question is:
Say MC somehow gains a vague understanding of what Mama and Papa mean- how would Lexia and Havard react to being called Mama and Papa respectively?
Hi! Glad to be your first ask! And thank you for all the kind words!
So this is a hard one... kudos for not pulling any punches on your first ask :D Going straight for the big stuff, I like it and dread it in equal measure.
Since this seems like something that could easily happen in game, I will put the snippets below the line. I suppose I am calling spoilers, though I don't think I reveal anything that was not in the demo though people might have missed it.
And I reserve the right to change anything I want later, as always :D But let's call this a thank you for 10 k browser plays :D
------------HAVARD-----------
"Papa?" You asked one evening as Havard was tucking you into bed. It was phrased a bit like a question but you think you understand what it means. You saw children out in the city use the word.
There was only one person you knew that the word fit, and that was Havard.
Havard froze in place, and paled.
Why? What did you do?
He was staring at you with wide eyes, and a range of expressions passed across his face.
Joy, sorrow, anger, pain...
So many expressions.
So much pain.
Then you saw the tears falling down his cheeks.
You sat up in bed, alarmed and panicked. This was not like the Havard you knew... Havard was the one who helped you not hurt! This was all wrong. He smiled at you, and helped you eat, and took care of you. This wasn't what you wanted.
What did you do? Why is he hurting?
Havard did not give you the chance to ask. He knelt by your bed and wrapped you up in a hug. It was warm and snug. Yet, he held onto you for dear life with a desperation, as if afraid you would disappear... and you had no idea why.
"I... I never thought... Thank you." He whispered. You could feel the wetness against your cheek.
You think you misheard him at first. Why is he thanking you? You made him hurt?
Then he repeats it. Twice, thrice. He keeps repeating it, and hugging you tighter, and tighter. Yet, never too hard. He would never hurt you. You know this.
You are confused... but you hug him back as hard as you can.
"Thank you, papa." You whispered back to him. You did not need to specify what you were thankful for.
It was for everything.
------------LEXIA-----------
"Mama?" You said, phrasing it as a question. You think you understand what it means. You saw children out in the city use the word.
Lexia froze, face going very blank. She stared at you with wide eyes, uncertain about what to do.
Then she knelt down in front of you.
"You sure kid? That you wanna use such a big and important word on me?" She asked, voice oddly soft... and a little choked up? It didn't suit her usual style... but you thought this was Lexia too. Uncertain behind all her smiles, but usually hiding it well. That slightly awkward person who was afraid of being scolded by Alessa as much as the twins were. Lexia who loved teasing Havard, and testing his patience.
Lexia who sometimes used bad words, and let you get away with eating cookies before dinner. Lexia who was always there, Protecting you. From others and yourself.
"Mama." You repeated, a bit more certainly. It felt right.
Lexia inspected your face for a long time. Then she hugged you. Much more gently than usual, yet just as firmly. She was wearing her armor, but somehow the hug was warm. She even trapped your hands by accident.
"Ok... if you are sure..." She whispered to your ear. "I... I don't know if I am worthy of it, but I will try to be."
You could not see her face... You wondered what kind of a face she was making right now. You however could nuzzle her cheek.
It made her laugh.
That was all you wanted.
#tales of wocdes#the silver protector#interactive fiction#wip#twine game#twine wip#fantasy#interactive novel#twine story#snippet#Havard#Lexia
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ILOVEYOU - TADC Showtime One-Shot
summary: Much to his confusion, Caine finds himself with the most unusual symptoms around Pomni. Sometimes he overheats, sometimes he blue-screens, sometimes he even glitches. It doesnât worry him too much until he happens to hear of a little thing called âthe love bugâ.
inspired by : https://www.tumblr.com/dismas-n-dismay/762033111925194752/something-about-one-of-the-first-major-computer
tags : @certifiednerd01 @sm-baby
The virus had first crept its way into his code during one of their âlessonsâ.
It was a routine at this point. After one of their adventures and a digital meal, Pomni would retreat to her room. Usually sheâd stare off into space and try to process the absurdity of that dayâs adventure, only to be interrupted by Caine teleporting to her room. These days, though, he kindly knocked on her door to respect her space. Sheâd let him in, usually with a tired smile before heâd ask for her feedback on the adventure, and then their conversation would gradually shift topics until they lost track of time.
One particular night, she had been telling him fragmented memories from her real life. She couldnât remember her name, or anything particularly personal, but she still remembered scattered feelings or moments, just with blurred faces and missing names. It was cathartic for her, to have someone to tell about her memories and gradually piece them together, ever-so-slight--especially when that someone was an AI who hung on her every word.
He laid on her bed beside her, gloved hands propping his chin up to gaze at her as she spoke. His front resting on her bed, legs kicked up and swinging behind him.
"...oh! that's another thing humans do. Traditions, I guess? Based on the seasons. Over the summer, some people like going to the ocean. A real ocean, it's bigger than you can imagine. It's sort of terrifying. We haven't even explored half of it," Pomni rambled on. Sometimes, she got so comfortable she forgot anyone was even there listening.
Caine gasped dramatically. "Really? All of that technology and you don't know most of what's down there? How spooky!"
Pomni blinked before laughing softly. "I mean, yeah. I guess we're pretty advanced. I mean, just look at you," she said before realizing.
Caine dusted off his suit. "What about me?"
"W-well, you know, cause you're...not human?" Pomni trailed off shyly, almost worrying that she had offended him in some way.
"Ha-ha! Oh, Pomni, youâre so silly. Of course I know that," Caine wiped a fake tear from his eye before lifting a finger, "as a matter of fact, I named myself!"
Pomni leaned towards him curiously. The closest she had been willing to get to him yet. "Really?" she asked curiously. âI-I didnât know that. Howâd that happen?â
"That's right," he replied, but to him the topic of conversation had immediately went on the back burner. She was listening to him. She was genuinely asking about him. Who had ever done that? Oh, dear, had she always had those pinwheel eyes? Oh, how he loved the color red. Especially now that he knew she had red in her eyes. The same shade of his suit, too.
He caught himself when he realized they were sitting in silence, her awaiting him to continue. He cleared his throat awkwardly, regaining his composure. âOh, dear, I lost my train of thought didn't I? What was I saying?"
"Your name?" Pomni prompted.
Caine blinked. âOh, right! Of course. Well, I wasnât originally coded with a name. So, when I became sentientâand I mean fully sentientâI gave myself my name. Can you guess what it means, my dear?â
He had gripped her hand excitedly, prompting her to guess. He rarely had anyone be so genuinely curious in him and it was a little more than refreshing, to say the least.
Pomni bit her lip in thought. âI really donât know,â she admitted.
âGo on, guess!â Caine piped up, always one to jump straight towards the path of games.
Pomni definitely was not a fan of guessing games. She looked around uncomfortably, wracking her brain to come up with something. âUhâwell, I think I can guess what the A and I stand forâŠâ she smiled gently, âas for the rest of itâŠCreative Artificial Intelligence uhâŠI donât know. Something, something.. Entertainment,â she guessed weakly.
âI like the sound of that! But not quite,â Caine corrected. He flew above her, dramatically gesturing to the colorful words that popped up as he spoke. âActually, it meansâŠCreative Artifical Intelligence Networking Entity!â Confetti rained down on Pomni and she swatted it away. âAh, apologiesâitâs a habit.â
Pomni coughed as a digital piece of confetti unpleasantly entered her mouth. "It's fine," she brushed off before focusing on the acronym in front of her, "so I was close."
Caine floated down beside her again. "Actually, 'something something' is not part of my name, my dear!"
Pomni blushed slightly at her silly wording, looking away sheepishly. "Y-yeah. I know that."
Caine tilted his head curiously at her. She was blushing...why? To his knowledge, humans flushed out of embarrassment or heightened body temperatures. She certainly couldn't get sick here, so why on Earth would she be embarrassed? "My little lemon cake, is something wrong? Did I embarrass you?"
Pomni glanced back at him, surprised he picked up on her emotions. He had never done that before. Never been so...caring. "Huh? Oh, no...it's nothing. Really."
Caine watched her for a while, unblinking. He never blinked, but it was especially noticeable now. Pomni was a generally nervous person, but she seemed to be blushing more intensely at his attention. "You seem to be ashamed. Why is that?"
Pomni broke their eye contact. "Caine, I'm alright. I-I mean I appreciate it, but--"
Her words were cut short at the feel of his gloved hand over her own. Comforting her. Trying to be empathetic. Just like they had spoken about. "You can tell your ringmaster anything that digital heart of yours desires," he recited from his research on human comfort.
Pomni wasn't embarrassed, truthfully. At least, not to the extent he was trying to make it. But with his hand on hers, with him learning, she certainly felt...something. She smiled weakly. "I know, Caine. ...Thanks," she offered a shy response, âIâŠyouâre doing good.â She tentatively squeezed his hand.
A flutter ran through his code, a strange shivering sensation he had never felt in his existence. She had praised him. She thought he was doing good. Oh, dear, he hadnât felt this good since the last time he received overwhelmingly positive feedback on his adventure. Which was an awful long time ago. Not to mention, she had touched him. His analysis of her behaviors these past months had taught him how touch-averse she was, yet here she was, holding his hand. But not only had she not pulled her hand away like usual, no--she had subconsciously reciprocated, wrapping her gloved fingers around his hand. Human warmth around artificial cold. He was too afraid to move his hand, his system quite literally freezing in place.
The rest of their night continued as normal. Their conversations jumped from adventures to Pomniâs favorite fruit, and then theyâd eventually part ways for the night. It waa a routine.
But now, there was a strange presence of static where his stomach would be, growing larger the more he watched her smile.
âââââ
It was following their adventure at the lake where Caine experienced his first glitch.
She had experimentally kissed him on the cheekâor what could be considered his cheekâin a way that left him frozen, unable to teleport them down as he normally would have.
âAnything for you, dear.â
She had looked back at him with a gentle smile, digital moonlight reflecting lightly against her wide pinwheel eyes. Her eyes so grateful, so inviting as he rested by her side at the digital lake. And there it had been again, that static starting to spread from his chest to his core. The glitch, growing larger.
When they had parted ways that night, he had found himself secretly checking back his memory to revisit the moment. He replayed it, over and over. The way the moonlight reflected in her eyes, the blush tinted on her pale face, her sheepish smile, the way her gloved hand had so gently held the bottom of his jaw before pressing her soft lips against himâoh, how he wished he hadnât frozen up after she kissed him. Maybe he could have returned the favor.
The thought alone, the memory of her lips pressed on the left side of his jaw, sent a flutter through his code. And then, when he imagined her blushing face after her bold kiss, the space around him seemed to glitch ever-so-slightly.
Oh, no matter. These things happened sometimes.
So why did it only seem to happen when he thought of her?
âââââ
If he had been trying to be subtle about his favoritism, he certainly wasnât doing a good job of it, either.
Initially, he sought out to challenge Pomniâs stubbornness by tailoring an adventure just for her, just to win her over. But as time went on, that desire to protect his ego expanded on to an endless attempt to impress her. Maybe it was, in part, for the sake of his ego. But the static he felt when she praised him, the way heâd catch himself staring when she smiled, there was something so authentic about it. Something he couldnât quite understand, but he knew he wanted to feel more of.
Today, they had returned from an adventure that, in his opinion, was the best one yet. It had everything! Stakes for Jax, maturity for Zooble, friendly NPCs for Ragatha, an unlimited supply of comedy masks for Gangle, detailed digital insects for Kinger, and for Pomni, the option for a relaxed open-world adventure. Even the furthest inches of the map were coded with details intended for Pomniâs eyes only. Her favorite fruit hanging from a digital tree, or flowers in her favorite color blooming, the right amount of digital sunlightâanything he remembered about her.
Caine was on the edge of his seat to see her reaction today. He hoped she had seen all the details heâd coded in for her. He hoped heâd get to see her smile again. It was so pleasant to see. He caught himself smiling at the thought before his Wacky Watch alerted him of the others returning.
He floated excitedly towards the opening portal. âWelcome back, starlets! How was the adventure today? Thoughts? Praise? Feedback? Angel food cake?â
Jax rolled his eyes. âNot enough death, violence, and bloodshed. Also, itâs no fun if Gangle has unlimited masks.â
Gangle smiled, huffing contently. âI liked it.â
Zooble shrugged. âIt wasâŠfine.â
âGuys, be nice,â Ragatha scolded before smiling up at Caine. âIt wasâŠbetter.â
âSo many new insects,â Kinger whispered in wonder, retreating to his pillow fort to add them to his collection.
âYeah, yeah. Whereâs our digital feast? Iâm starving,â Jax complained.
Caine didnât hear Jaxâs words, eyes immediately drifting to the red-and-blue jester walking out of the portal. Oddâhe felt like his system was overheating at the sight of her. Heâd have to check on that later. âPomni! My dear, how did you like the adventure? Did you happen to notice any hidden details today?â Caine flew down to her, resting his chin on his hands as he awaited her response eagerly.
Pomni smiled shyly. âYeah, actually. It reminded me of a lot of that shore I told you about. Thank you, CaineâŠreally,â she said sincerely.
Caine flew into a loop excitedly. âOh, splendid! Tell me more, my dear! What else did you find appealing?â
Pomni had begun to walk towards her room as she spoke and he was quick to follow, not missing the chance to earn her praise. âWell, it definitely was an improvement from yesterday. I liked the extra details on the scenery. And everyone else seemed content. Iâm sure you could ask them,â she offered, flushing slightly from his attention.
âOh, but I want to hear your response to my adventure! Youâve given me such great feedback, my buttery biscuit,â Caine stopped her in her tracks, floating in front of her path. âDo you think I did good?â
Pomni blushed. It was obvious how highly he favored her attention, and the sidelong glances from the others werenât helping. âUm, I-IâŠyeah. You did, good, Caine.â
Caine could have shut down there and then and been happy. âOh, you flatter me. Do you really think so, my dear?â
âSheesh, lay off it. Are we going to eat or not?â Jax interrupted, crossing his arms as he watched the two.
Caine shushed him. âY-yes, just a moment, Jax. I want to hear more feedback from Pomni. Tell me, my dear, was the story to your liking? Did I do good with that?â
âUm, Caine, Iââ Pomni rubbed her arm uncomfortably.
Caine lifted a finger. âOoh! Or how about the designs for the NPCs? Did I go too far with the details, or did I not do enough? And what about the secret quests I added? Did you like that element of surprise? Orââ
Jax groaned. âGod, are we ever going to eat? Or are you just going to stand here compliment-fishing with Pomni all day?â
âJax, be nice. Theyâre just working on improving the adventures,â Ragatha scolded, offering Pomni a grateful smile, âand I think itâs working pretty well.â
âWho cares? All Caine is doing with these adventures is trying to impress Pomni,â Jax groaned, crossing his arms, âthatâs not an improvement. Thatâs just desperation.â
âT-thatâs not true!â Caine was quick to pipe up. âI like all of my super stars an equal, legal amount!â
âDrop it, Jax,â Pomni put her foot down, a light blush on her cheeks despite it all.
Jax snickered. âOf course youâd defend him, short stack. You probably like being the ringmasterâs little favorite, donât you?â
Caineâs upper jaw arched downward. âI do not favor any of my stars over the others! Iâm simply gaining feedback from my dear friend.â
âGive it a rest, Caine. We all know youâre only doing this for her. You donât give a [#$!?] about the rest of us. Just face it. Youâve got the love bug for our dear jester friend,â Jax mocked, flashing a sarcastic grin at him.
Pomni flushed instantly. âWhâJ-Jax!â
âWho said something about a bug?â Kinger peeked out of his pillow fort excitedly.
âTheâŠloveâŠbug?â Caineâs systems froze instantly at the words âlove bugâ. Oh, dearâŠJax was onto something. The freezing, the overheating, the glitching? It was all coming together. He knew what was happening. He had heard of this before, but never imagined it would one day affect his programmingâŠ
âWell, would you look at that. He is lovesick after all,â Jax mocked.
âLoveâŠsick?â Caine looked around at the others, confused and concerned at him suddenly freezing up. Panic settled within him, a feeling he had not felt in a long time. âI-IâŠahem, a-a digital feast as your prize,â he announced weakly, snapping a feast into existence at the table. âEnjoy, my dears. Adventure awaits tomorrow.â With an abrupt snap of his fingers, he dissipated from the main room, teleporting to who-knows-where in the circus.
Silence filled the room at his reaction, ultimately broken by Jax scurrying over to the table. âGod, I thought heâd never leave.â
Pomni bristled. âYouâre an [#$!?]hole.â
Jax shrugged, taking a bite of his digital meal. âAs long as I get to see funny things happen to people. Just never thought Iâd see the day Caine would go soft for one of us,â he grinned mischievously at Pomni, expression insinuating everything she needed to know. âBesides, what does it matter to you? UnlessâŠyou have the âlove bugâ for dentures over there?â
She blushed. âYou donât know what youâre talking about,â Pomni defended weakly, but her voice was drowned out by the stirring of conversation amongst the others.
Pomni didnât eat anything, her stomach filled with knots and butterflies all at once.
-------
Caineâs digital form was filled with knots and static, all for her.
He desperately reviewed his memoriesâthe glitching, the static he felt, everything. Oh, dear. Jax was right, wasnât he? How could he have been so oblivious this whole time? How could he have not realized sooner?
Bubble floated in beside him as he checked his memory. âHey, boss, check out this joke I came up with! Why isââ
âNot now, Bubble! I have some very important business to attend to,â Caine cut his bubble friend off instantly.
âBusiness? You mean watching back memories of you and Pomni?â
âY-yes, Iâitâs nothing! I need to run some tests,â Caine abruptly answered him.
Bubbleâs sharp grin widened, if that were even possible. He floated upside down. âYou mean how youâre in loooooooove?â
Caine brought his gloved hands to his top jaw in frustration. âThe love bug!â he corrected briskly, âYes, yes, I know! Justâleave me to it, Bubble. The entire circus depends on it.â
âHeheh, love bug,â Bubble laughed to himself before being popped by a very panicked Caine.
âOne less distraction,â he mused before running some more diagnostics on himself.
-------
Pomni stared blankly at her ceiling the next morning. It seemed that her worst fears were coming to fruition. Jax saw right through her. The others had to have noticed how oddly drawn she was to Caine. It was something she, herself, was still not used to. Pining for the circusâs clueless AI ringmaster was not part of the plan when she had arrived here. But nowâŠ
Jax had also said that Caine had a crush on her. And to be fair, it did seem that way. It was something she couldnât even deny. She tried, every now and then, to get the truth out of him. Trying to fluster him, to see if his attempts to impress her were all for his own ego or for something more personal. With someone as clueless and friendly as Caine, it had her teetering back and forth between believing he did reciprocate or believing he couldnât possibly feel that way. But she knew it was stupid of her to get her hopes up. It was stupid of her to fall for an AI to begin with.
She sighed, sitting up from her bed. The digital flower he had given her on their private walk some time ago still laid on one of the letter blocks beside her bed, alongside a drawing Gangle made for her and a butterfly from Kingerâs insect collection he had chosen to give her.
It wasnât so crazy, was it?
Months ago, she abandoned the others for an exit, but nowâŠ
Things were different.
So different that maybe her unexpected friendship with Caine wasnât unusual.
There was no sense of time in the circus, but Pomni guessed it was time for roll call. She mentally prepared herself for another day of Jaxâs teasing and Caineâs goofy, but admittedly endearing, antics, exiting her room and out into the hallâ
âPOMNI!â
If it werenât for the door behind her, Pomni surely would have fallen back at the sight of her ringmaster teleporting right in her path, inches away. âAGH! Caineâhow many times have I told you not toââ
âI know, my dear. But itâs an emergency!â Caine explained anxiously.
Pomni paused. He never seemed genuinely afraid, unless it was for some gag.âWhaâan emergency? Is everything okay?â
Caine took his hat into his hands, fiddling with the rim. He shook his head. âNo! Iâm infected, Pomni! The whole circus could be at risk! You have to help me!â
âHUH?â Panic settled into Pomni at the thought of the entire circus, and everyone inside it, being swallowed up and disappearing forever. âO-okay, calm down, Caine. Just⊠tell me what happened.â
Caine unexpectedly fell to his knees in front of her, placing his gloved hands over his eyes as though he were about to cry. "ItâsâŠitâsâŠILOVEYOU!"
Pomni did a double-take, flushing a deep shade of red, nearly not believing what she heard. "Y-you--huh?!"
Caine buried his face in his gloved hands, down on his knees. "The Love Bug, Pomni! I've been infected with the Love Bug! It's going to eat away at me," he wailed, cartoonish tears spilling from behind his hands.
"Oh," Pomni paused as he wailed, looking around as though she was expecting someone else to walk in from the commotion. Once she was sure she was no longer blushing, she cautiously knelt down beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder gently. "Um...you're talking about a computer virus?"
"A worm! It's going to spread across the circus, Pomni! I don't know how it got here, I-I must have let it in, I--"
"Caine! Slow down," Pomni interrupted his rambling, "tell me what happened. Why do you think there's a virus?"
"I don't know what it is, dear," Caine confessed, "but I have experienced these strange sensations. Static, glitching perhaps--behaviors that go against my very coding. But most of all, when I'm with you. Itâs why I came to you, first. And youâre so clever, I figured youâd know what to do.â
âMe?â Pomni blinked in surprise. She thought on what he said. "Static and glitches?" she repeated, frowning as her thoughts drifted. What the hell would she know about a computer virus?
Caine nodded. "When you talk to me sometimes, dear, I feel static inside of me. Here," he put a gloved hand on his chest, where his heart would be if he had one. "Did you bring a virus in with you? Is that even possible?"
Butterflies settled in her stomach as his words sank in. There was no way he could possibly be confessingâoh, God. Could he even feel the same way? Pomni looked to the side and fiddled with her buttons nervously. âUmâŠno. Itâs not,â she took a deep breath before kneeling down beside him so she was eye-level, voice sounding unexpectedly even despite her sudden nerves. âTell me more about thisâŠvirus. Iâm sure we can figure it out,â she gave him a weak smile in the hopes that it was reassuring. She knew deep down she just wanted to know if he really did feel the same, but she ignored it.
Caine nodded in agreement, still sitting sadly on the floor beside Pomni. He placed a finger where his chin would be in thought. âO-okay, dear. Well, let's see. I checked my memories back last night... For instance, in memories where youâd look at me, my system would begin overheating. Or when you touch me, I freeze up. When you compliment me, well,â he laughed sheepishly, âI blue-screen.â
Pomni blushed furiously, her heart speeding up at his unintentional confessions. âCaine-â
âOh! And when you look especially striking some days, I feel like the ones and zeros of my code are fluttering around. Itâs terrifyingâI must be falling apart. And I havenât even mentioned the glitches that happen when I check my memoryââ
The fluttering in Pomniâs heart tingled to the tips of her fingers, making kneeling there unbearable. Her face was heating up with every word he said, heart in her throat. âCaine, I..." Pomni bit her lip, unsure how to explain this to an AI, "this doesn't sound like a virus to me. It sounds almostâŠhumanâŠ? I guess?â
Caine tilted his head curiously at her. "Humans glitch from the inside out, too?" he said, and peeked out from behind his fingers.
"N-no, it..." Pomni trailed off, cutting herself short with a sigh, "it sounds like...what humans feel," she settled with that explanation for now. It was really very awkward to try and tell an AI âit sounds like you have a crush on meâ. Not to mention, words were failing her at the realization that he felt just as fond of her as she was of him. And to think, she had been afraid to embarrass herself around him with her crushâ
âWhat they feel..?â Caine tilted his head at her curiously, âlike amazement? Wonder? Excitement?â
âYes, exceptâŠâ Pomni hesitated. She wasnât sure if it was worth it to take the leap and just tell him. ââŠCaine?â
âYes?â
Pomni reached for her buttons, fidgeting with them mindlessly. âWhen you say all of these thingsâŠwhat is it that you want?â
âWant?â Caine repeated.
âYeah, want. Desire. Itâs justâŠhumans usually can tell what it is they feel based on what they want,â she explained, although she knew deep down what she hoped his answer was. The thought aloneâthe word youâit sent such a thrill through her.
Caine placed a finger on his lower jaw, top jaw arching in an exaggerated eyebrow raise. âHm, excellent question! Well, when you return from my amazing adventures, I want you to come to me. To speak to me. To find meâŠadmirable.â
Pomni nodded. Caine trying to impress her was nothing new. She was well-aware her stubbornness towards the circus resulted in him paying her extra attention, but it didnât take a genius to know that by now, that was unnecessary. âOkay. So you want my attention, you want me to see positively. What else?â
Caine placed a finger on his chin, an exaggerated arch in his upper jaw as he thought. âHmmâŠwell, Iâm not sensing any patterns. Except for you. Why do you ask?â
Pomniâs heart skipped a beat. Had he actually said what she had been hoping heâd say? Well, not exactly. It seemed like he wasnât entirely sure what he was feeling in the first place. But who better to teach him than her? She took a deep breath before choosing to brave it. âCaineâŠI need to explain something to you,â she started.
âOh, dear, what is it? Are you going to diagnose me with the love bug? With an incurable digital sickness?â Caine pressed his hands together nervously. âGo on. You can tell your favorite ringmaster!â
Pomni took another deep breath to calm her nerves. âWell, the good news is you donât have a bug. Or a virus. At least, I donât think so.â
Caine froze in place. âI donât?â
Pomni shook her head.
âNow, now, donât be silly, my marionberry muffin! Such frequent glitches arenât usual for an AI like me,â Caine explained, âhow can you be so sure? Are you really a qualified doctor?â
Pomni would probably laugh at his antics if it werenât for her nerves. âI know because IâŠI feel the same way,â Pomni admitted, but she couldnât meet his gaze. It burned a hole right through her.
If Caine had a heart, it would have stuttered in his chest. âYouâŠdo?â
Pomni couldnât form words, so she simply hummed in response. Her face was burning, and she clutched her other arm to curb her trembling hands. âMhm.â
Caine gaped at her. âYouâŠhave the love bug, too?â
âIn a way of speaking, yeah.â
âOh, dearâŠâ he sighed softly, âfor who?â
Pomni laughed softly. His obliviousness knew no bounds. She looked at the tiled floor, the butterflies in her stomach unbearable. âW-well, actually, itâsâŠâ she stumbled over her words, blushing to her ears before taking a deep breath and getting enough confidence to meet his eyes. There was no going back now. Her heart sped up, nearly jumping to her throat as she managed the words, âfor you."
Caine immediately blue-screened, eyes reading rows of code she couldnât make out as he processed her words. She flushed at his reaction, slightly self-conscious she misinterpreted his confession. She waved a hand in front of his eyes. âOhâŠCaine? HelloâŠ?â
Caine snapped out of it after a few moments. His eyes returned to normal, glancing at Pomni only once before slowly putting a hand over his chest. âOh, dear. I feel it again,â he said in the quietest voice sheâd heard him ever speak in, âthe static. Right here. You reallyâmeâ?â
Pomni swallowed her nerves, feeling another flutter of butterflies at his response. âI-I know it sounds crazy. I was scared when I realized it. I avoided you. I thought I could run away or deny how I felt, butâŠthe more time I spent with you, the less crazy it seemed,â she explained, meeting his eyes, âIâve seen all the things youâve done for me, Caine. For everyone. The adventures, expanding the circus, not teleporting me across the map. And at first it made me enjoy being your friend, but nowâŠâ
âNowâŠ?â he prompted.
âNow, youâre telling me you have a crush on me,â Pomni finished, âI didnât think that was possible, but...â
âA crush?â Caine tilted his head curiously. âIs that what it is?â
Pomni watched him carefully. He was still on the floor, hand on his chest and evidently flustered from her confession. It made her heart speed up, seeing how much he cared. How much he wanted her. âYeahâŠthe âlove bugâ. What Jax said. Itâs not an actual bug. Not for humans at least. I thought he was just being an [#$?!]hole, but what you explained to meâŠit sounds like what humans feel when they want romantic closeness,â she explained before adding nervously, âa-and, the things you describedâŠitâs how I feel for you.â
âRomantic closeness,â Caine echoed, pausing in thought, âmy research for my adventures has taught me about human relationships. AboutâŠlove.â
A rush of heat ran through Pomniâs chest at the word love. âA-andâŠ?â
Caine, in a rare moment of silence, gazed off towards the end of the hall as he thought back on his research. âAndâŠI believe that is what I want, my dear. With you.â His eyes widened at the realization.
A tingle ran down her spine. âYouâyou do?â Pomniâs breath caught, cheeks flushing at his words.
âIf youâll teach me,â he confirmed, eyes turning back to meet hers.
Pomniâs pinwheel eyes were blown wide, half in a dream as she nodded. She didnât know what she wanted in that moment. Or even what to say. Months ago, she would have rather jumped in the cellar than imagine herself in a romantic relationship with him. But these past months had changed things in both of them. In the circus itself. And now, she almost wanted to kiss him. NowâŠ
Her breath caught, when she looked and saw the way he was looking at her. His top jaw arched around his gleaming eyes in the most adoring, lovesick gaze she had ever seen. It made her heart beat harder in her chest, feeling the way his gaze pulled at her heart strings. âOh, my dear. How could I have not realized sooner? It was so obviousâŠâ he sighed.
She smiled slightly at his cluelessness. It was endearing to her. âA lot of humans feel that way, too. I just never thoughtâŠâ she trailed off, but he already knew what she was going to say.
Caineâs panic instantly lifted, he sprung up from where he had formerly been curled up. "My dear, I am an advanced AI! I've begun experiencing more 'human' sensations since the day I became sentient. But ever since you, ever since our lessons, well, I think I've become more human than I had ever imagined,â he reached for both of her hands.
Pomni reciprocated his touch. "A-and you're advanced enough to desire closeness?"
Caine tilted his head at her. "I've always known what love is, Pomni. How could I not? You humans talk an awful lot about it. But I never imagined a silly AI like myself being capable of such complex feelings. And yet, Iâm advanced enough to know that I've been drawn to you for some time..." A hand moved up to stroke her cheek, right by where her blush resided under her right eye, "and I think I'm beginning to understand why."
"Why?"
"Because you confuse my coding, my little shivering shortbread!â Caine piped up, âIsn't that exciting? Iâm more advanced than Iâd ever imagined!â His feet lifted from the ground, and he nearly twirled in the air from excitement. He looked down at her again, leaning on his cane with a deep sigh. âOh, Pomni. Are you sure Iâm not love sick?â
For the first time that day, Pomni felt more like herself. She reached for his upper jaw, feeling at him as though he had a fever. âOh, you definitely are.â
Caine melted into her touch. âI am?â he sighed dreamily.
She nodded with a small smile. âVery sick,â she confirmed, flipping her hand around to cup his features in her palm.
âVery sick,â Caine repeated in a daze, then reached a hand up to meet hers, eyes never leaving hers. Small, cartoonish hearts sprung into existence on the right side of his head as he leaned more into her touch. He noticed them and swatted them away rapidly. âA-ah, ignore that. I canât help it,â he laughed sheepishly.
Pomni laughed gently. âItâs okay. ItâsâŠendearing,â she blushed, still not accustomed to giving him her thoughts of admiration for him.
âO-oh, dear, youâre too kindâŠâ Caine fiddled with his cane slightly before floating down to her level, planting his feet on the ground once more. âButâŠif I may, I do still have one question.â
A rush of nerves ran through Pomni. Nonetheless, she kept her coolâwhich was definitely a feat for her. âYeah? What is it?â
Caine leaned against his cane once more. âWell, when humans tend to confess their true feelings to another, what do they do next?â he asked.
Pomni blinked, the question catching her off-guard. âO-oh, wellâŠâ she looked down the hall in thought, wondering where the others were, âit depends, honestly. But a lot of times, they might decide to, um, date.â
âAh, of course! Allow me,â Caine cleared his non-existent throat before stretching out a hand to her invitingly, âPomni, you and I should decide to date.â
If it were somehow possible for Pomni to feel any more ecstatic yet simultaneously terrified, she reached that point. His unconventional phrasing caught her off guard for sure, but it was also mildly endearing. âIâŠyes,â she accepted his hand tentatively, a small smile spreading across her face, âIâd like that.â
Their touch was immediately broken by Caine flying through the air, zipping around Pomni enthusiastically. âFantastic! Oh, my dear, Iâve never felt so light as air until now!â
Pomni brought a hand to her mouth, laughing at his excitement.
Caine flew down to meet her once more. âPomni! You and I should embark on our own adventure,â he wrapped an arm around her, outstretching an arm dramatically to the distance as he added, âa human date!â
Pomni laughed again, raising an eyebrow at him. âDonât forget you have a whole circus to run, ringmaster,â she teased.
Caine brought a hand to his upper jaw. âWhoopsy-daisy, I almost forgot about the others! My my, you give me a severe case of tunnel vision,â he reached for his cane, preparing to snap himself to the main room before taking one last look at the woman he adored, âI hate to rush the most exciting moment of my never-ending existence, but the show must go on! But, oh, my dear?â
ââŠCaine?â
Caine tossed his cane between his hands. âHow about today, you skip my adventure?â
Pomni blinked in surprise. He never wanted any of his guests to miss his adventures. âWhaâreally? Why?â
He flew beside her, holding her hand again. Now that he knew he could hold her hand, he wasnât sure heâd have it in him to let go for more than a minute. âFor our date, of course!â Caine winked at her before continuing sheepishly, âif I may admit, dearâŠI know what a date is, but I donât know how to date. There are many things you have to show me.â
A blush rose to Pomniâs cheeks again. âOh, right,â she stuttered out, then formed a reassuring smile, âiâd love to show you, Caine. Really.â It was just now that she was realizing how intensely her heart had been beating this entire conversation, the trembling seeming to subside now that their true feelings had been revealed.
A couple more hearts fluttered âOf course! What better way to seal our confessions than with a human date? Oh, letâs get this roll call over with, dear. I canât wait another second!â Caine tightened his grip on her hand.
âYou know, you have a lot of energy for someone whoâs sick,â Pomni couldnât help but tease. The more the reality of the situation was settling in, the easier it was for her confidence to return. This artificial man, this AI she had learned to adore, he had truly pined for her all along.
Caine gazed at her adoringly. Oh, my, she was flirting with him, wasnât she? If she kept going like this, he was going to overheat in front of the others. How lucky was he that this woman adored him as much as he did her? âWhy, yes! Iâm sick for you.â
âIâŠdonât think that sounds as romantic as you think it does.â
Caine waved her comment off. âAh, Iâll perfect the art of flirtation in no time. For now, itâs showtime! And then, a date awaits, my love!â
#i did the thing where they said the ship name did you like that (say yes)#the amazing digital circus#tadc#amazing digital circus#digital circus#tadc showtime#showtime tadc#showtime#caine x pomni#pomni x caine#tadc caine#caine tadc#tadc pomni#pomni tadc#caine#pomni
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It is! Oftentimes.
-Yeah... Perhps that is true but I am not sur eanymore. I know he deleated the songs on Ismarus slaughter but yeah
-Yes perhaps it is unfair of me to take it out on you. It is just that I have answered this question more times than what I can count. I take that back. I am annoyed in general by this but yes it is unfair to take that out on you. Hahahaha fair enough true true. Like I said I take that back.
-To be fair I understand why and the example is quite blunt I understand but this is literally the level of Iconic scenes like Sirens or Circe are. Remove the sirens experience and you have a story where the shoe of Cinderella is no longer a thing and Cinderellla is recognized by something else instead.
-Clearly, I suppose. To me "retelling" is exactly what the word says "re tell a story". The story is there. The adittions to the story would be either fill in the gaps or add some piece of information that is part of the research. At least this is how I usually work on my retellings as well. I actually posted a small analysis as an example on how I usually do the stories
I am not saying if my work is a bad or good retelling (that is in the eye of the beholder). I am just saying that in my mind a retelling is not something that aims to change everything; is something that retells the story in the present potentially making some changes to make it easier to the target audience but all in all the basic plot is respected and followed, otherwise like I said is not retelling to me, just a "loosely based on" idea. I definitely agree to that I am not sure either what better word one can use at that case! Hahaha
-I did hear that from fans as well. Like I said there is nothing wrong with liking it especially since you are clearly also aware of the differences. It just doesn't vibe with me
-I agree to the first one. Yes if a story is said to be a retelling or an adaptation I myself expect it to be accurate. But at the same time I also get annoyed becase these stories had more than enough of unfaithful adaptations as well which again makes me a bit sad as well Generally I dslike this "fanom logic". On one hand it is great that people get dedicated and like something, on the other it becomes so hard to control these things and find truth from lie and imagination from fact sometimes. Indeed they are. I found most of them very nice. One or two again didn't vibe with me like "Suffering" but they were personal preferences (plus again linked to that iconic moment that got twisted hahaha)
-Oh yes I do find very good converstions on the matter for sure. Well call me crazy but again I think the OG Odyssey has as much video game logic as it can't be more. Like Odysseus slaughters Ismarus but saves Maron, Maron gives him the godly wine, Odysseus uses that godly wine to get Polyphemus drunk. The bag of winds needs not to be opened it is opened so the people move from one place to another. To defeat the witch you have to pay the price and sell yourself to her. You go to the underworld with stuff that she gives you and slay a sheep and not let others go to drink till Tiresias arrives. Tiresias gives a prophecy. To go through Skylla you try to fight but ultimatey you pay the price. To save yourself from Charybdis you need to grab on the tree the witch told you about etc. Not all video games have boss fights every five meters and I could absolutely see Odyssey as an open world video game already from the OG material. But maybe that is just me.
-Absolutely that is a positive outcome from it if more people get to read the original.
New Epic saga and it's horrible... to give you an idea, Odysseus fought Poseidon, stole his trident and made him beg for mercy
hmmm a god begging a mortal for mercy is not exactly on par with Greek religion and stories. How did that scene made it into the final version?
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omg this day might turn out to be so good actually
#đ â ânervo rambles . â
#POSITIVE POST????!???#but anyways I got asked abt what I wanna do after school by a family member I don't talk to often#and that got me yapping abt it and talking abt how I love to develop characters and stories#and then when I mentioned it to my mom my aunt overheard and asked me the same question#and then THAT got me yapping abt the actual plot of my stories#IT WAS SO FUN BC SHE SAID SHE HELPED PROOFREAD A STORY (she said she helped her girlfriend but idk if she meant as a friend or not)#AND SHE (I think self) PUBLISHED A BOOK BEFORE I THINK AND SAID SHE COULD PROBABLY HELP ME PUBLISH MY BOOKS!!!!#AND SHE TOLD ME SOME OF THE THINGS YOU NEED TO DO AS WELLLL THAT I DIDN'T RLLY KNOW!!#AND THEN GET THIS!!!!#I have a bracelet that is the trans flag colors and it does have my prns on it (it's normally hidden away under a sweatshirt)#AND AND SHE SAW IT AND ASKED ME WHAT IT WAS#AND ME NEVER BEING ASKED THAT I JUST LET HER READ IT#AND SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW AND CAN RESPECT IT#I'm so happy guys đ«¶đ«¶đ«¶#I thought I'd have to explain it to her but I DIDN'T!!!!#anyways I gotta get back out there and stuff#some other family is coming over that I don't get to see even LESS!! MY COUSINS EVER!!!!#I'M SO EXCITED AND HAPPY GUYS :33
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laudna: that way we can message each other. fearne: oh right lol
#critical role#imogen x fearne#imogearne#but I mean I'm gonna chew on imogen saying that to be nice and immediately JUMPING on the first thing fcg said#yeah it's not above imogen's other interest but COMPELS me though a faun in your face and you're blushing harder than you probably should be#but we are absolutely a thousand percent not unpacking THAT. one unrequited love at a time. imogen's just too real I literally#there is a SAFETY and familiarity with laudna despite imogen's deeper feelings but fearne is so unpredictable with feelings it's a gamble#ESPECIALLY with their current heightened state pairing up with chaotic fearne when imogen's tryna keep her shit together in every way#I need fearne to zone of truth imogen because it is a show to me when fearne zeros in on imogen to shake her up it's SO GOOD#it's SUCH a bluff#like if fearne Wanted imogen to admit she wanted to be on a team with laudna then why was she so pleased when it didn't happen#granted unfortunately the team up was a complete disaster so I don't know I'm playing the game wrong I know that#fearne gives attention and imogen stammers i just don't know man#fearne desperately wanting to prove to imogen she can be capable and fix the coin toss for imogen hmmmmm#fearne pleading with imogen what should she Do and now sheâs trying to suddenly be a respectable teacher and capable partner hmmm#they shake me by the shoulders begging me to see it means nothing
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guess who's in đ¶trooooubleđ¶
New Boss does not appreciate my Vile Insubordination (giving an informed opinion in an email chain where she said some factually incorrect things and got called out on it - I said hey yep you're right that what she said isn't true but here's why it's still important to listen to our team)
and now we have to have a Quick Chattette about my Behaviour and Unsatisfactory Response (didn't apologise for being correct)
#red said#fuckin had it tbh#trying to become calm and balanced bc it will not be helpful for me to go in with this fuck you attitude#but. you know. fuuuuuuck you.#i have been doing this job for 2 years with huge success i do not need someone to redesign and micromanage everything i do#you can simply. do your job and let me do mine#instead of undercutting a huge chunk of work we've already done bc you don't know what you're talking about yet#the situation is she emailed without talking to either of us saying an obviously untrue thing which we could easily have corrected her on#the person she emailed came back like hey#that's not true though?#so i popped in like sorry i know this isn't a conversation I've been closely involved it but you're right and that's actually a whole thing#yeah the thing she said doesn't exist does in fact exist but we've been trying to phase out of for years and what's left is legacy stuff#and that's part of why we're unsure about making room for more of it to happen#felt reasonable. i was in the thread to begin with bc my opinion was being asked#so she was like oh why did you do that we probably should have talked about it first as a team#and I'm like YEAH WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE but given that you DIDN'T and have inaccurate info then dropped offline#i assumed we weren't doing Team Responses#and she's NOT HAPPY with how i replied. i phrased it more politely than that but not by much#but you know what man? seems like a you problem.#sorry I'm a Quaker respect for authority is against my religion
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This will definitely show my age lol but I'm reminded of a philosophy by two opposing sides in Rurouni Kenshin:
Shishio Makoto said that nature determines who comes out on top through survival of the fittest. He sees humanity as a predator eating prey.
"In this world, the flesh of the weak is the food of the strong. The strong live, the weak die."
Himura Kenshin, however, has a different philosophy, almost wishfully idealistic in how he believes humanity differentiates ourselves from animals.
"You believe that the strong exist to cull the weak. To use them as food. But you are mistaken. The strong exist, not to feed off the weak, but to protect them!â
I'm reminded of these opposing philosophies because I see them reflected in the difference of philosophy between the central villain and one-half of the central protagonists in Beyond Evil too: Han Kihwan and Lee Dongsik.
Remember what Dongsik said to the man who got Minjeong drunk:
"So you are saying there's nothing wrong with making a girl whom you don't know well get really drunk? So there's nothing wrong with leaving a drunk girl where anyone can come in and take her? You didn't mess with her, so it's not a crime. Is that it?"
And what he said to the ahjumma at Do Haewon's assembly:
"A daughter who is old enough to be your daughter is gone. Could you say that if she were your own? Minjeong wasn't a bar girl. Then is a bar girl allowed to die? Aren't your daughter, a bar girl, and Minjeong all just people?"
While Kenshin's philosophy is more broad and political, it's mirrored in Dongsik's philosophy that is more specific and modern. In particular, while Kenshin uses his skills as a swordsman to protect powerless citizens, Dongsik's uses his privilege as a man to protect women.
Essentially, it's the same philosophy: the privileged should use their power to protect the underprivileged and fight for their rights.
This is why Han Kihwan is pegged as the central villain opposite that of Dongsik, because his philosophy differs in that he uses his privilege and power to take advantage of the underprivileged: essentially "feeding on them" the way Shishio describes the purpose of the "strong".
It applies to how they approach their respective jobs as police officers too: Dongsik uses his job as a police officer to find the lost and forgotten of society, while Han Kihwan uses his job as a police officer to climb up the ranks while using everyone else below him merely as a stepladder.
And this is where the other half of the story's central protagonistsâHan Joowonâmakes the story come full circle because he is now given a choice between which philosophy he will follow: as the son of Han Kihwan and as the partner of Lee Dongsik.
By the end of series, his choice becomes unquestionably, undoubtedly clear.
That's what makes the storytelling of Beyond Evil so masterful.
Beyond Evil | Episode 9 | Letting Go
A very small... mistake?
In Aesop's fable, do you know the story of the hare and the tortoise racing? The story says that while the hare was taking a nap, the tortoise kept on going without stopping and won the race. What do you think the lesson of the story is? If the strong don't make a mistake, then the weak will never be able to win.
If your son's existence is a mistake, then will you get rid of him too?
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watching hotd and magnificent century back to back and even girl fail!Hatice would mop the floor with Rhaenyra and Alicent and Rhaenys. like why were the writers so afraid to make them want power and be willing to kill for it.
#let female characters be bloodthirsty 2024#muhteĆem yĂŒzyıl#magnificent century#house of the dragon#i like the show but so much wasted potential#especially when they know people will dislike some characters anyways#like you can have nuance and be ambitious and kill who you want for personal gain and still have people rooting for said woman#anyways alicent should've killed viserys and usurped rhaenyra thinking the only way to protect her kids is by taking the power for herself#rhaenyra shouldve ordered vaemond's execution like in the books and laenor shouldve died for real and leave who paid qarl to do it open end#we should've had laena claim vhagar and die wanting to fly home in her delirium and laenyra be the love story it was in the book#rhaenys was good except that last moment should have had her telling aegon she didn't kill him out of mercy so it can bite her in the ass#the only hotd woman i can respect so far is mysaria#she has her own agenda she made herself into an invaluable spymaster and has a very real reason to destroy daemyra who killed her baby#btw they should've kept the pregancy real smdh
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.
#my brother is one of the best people ever#he's funny and creative and smart and sensitive and thoughtful and generous#and I love him so FRICKIN much#and people being mean to him makes me want to PUNCH THINGS#the frickin bus monitor for the bus he drives made him cry yesterday#she's such a MISERABLE HUSK of a woman#and I hate how she treats him#and I know he's capable of a lot more than I sometimes think#I know he's a grown adult and he can handle himself#but GAH this fricking WOMAN#he tried to do the right thing he tried to be a mature responsible person and talk to her directly but she was just MEAN#I'm just glad that he didn't get to say everything he'd been planning to (even though he was upset about that)#bc he'd been planning to tell her that he's autistic#I guess to try and help her understand where he's coming from#(also related to the fact that he drives a special needs bus and one time a few weeks ago she screamed at one of the kids)#(which obviously made my brother uncomfortable)#(but he was scared to say anything bc he said 'if she has no problem yelling at an autistic 5-year-old#she'd probably have no problem yelling at an autistic adult')#but yeah I can't see her being respectful about it if she knew he's on the spectrum#would probably try to use it against him since she's already been complaining about him to their boss#(which is why my brother finally tried talking to her yesterday)#(bc he's acting like an ADULT and trying to discuss with her directly instead of going behind her back like she's doing)#and gaaaaahhh I just HATE this for him#can't vent about this on the discord since we're both in there and I don't want him to know just how upset I am about this#I know he worries sometimes about burdening people#but he's just so GOOD and wonderful and I HATE that there are people who don't see that#I hate it I hate it I hate it#this fricking woman#personal
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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.
the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.
and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss bââ, you don't actually have to sit next to cââ this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. dââ for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.
when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.
i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.
i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!
because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?
in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.
like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.
i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.
and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.
i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.
i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.
i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.
but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.
that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.
#tales from diana#long post#sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness#and idk. im tired. im so tired#do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not#thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation#not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again#that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para#i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth#i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to#'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on#the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god#i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him#like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do#earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said#that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild#my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak#like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior#i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task#and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did#i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly#like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW#that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer#a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively#that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him
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omg i spent the whole day cleaning my entire apartment because my family was coming to visit and 1) so so so happy my adhd is being medicated now it's literally changing my life and 2) i FINALLLY got through to my dad about how he probably has ADHD too!!!!! he finally said Yeah i think i might have adhd. and my mom was like Me too (we've had this talk privately before, she knows she has adhd too lol) And my brother is literally transferring to a different school because he can't concentrate and isn't disciplined at his current uni. adhd family.
#literally thank goodness my brother was here to like Perfectly describe in real time what happens to adhd people when they go to college for#the first time. there's less structure and you fall apart. i used that as an opportunity.#i've slowly slowly slowly been chipping away at my Entire family btw. i've finally convinced my dad that medication is a GOOD THING.#i said You know. there's a lot in life that you feel like you Have to live with. but being on meds has made life so much easier and happier.#and that's when my dad finally said it.#:^) sometimes i like..... think about my family and how complicated i feel because growing up was super tough with all of them but now they#are all better people..... and i can't help but feel proud because as much as it is ABSOLUTELY great job for THEM for getting there But i#also feel uhhh partly responsible because i was constantly calling them out for shit. not always in the best way#but always standing up for others and challenging them on their worldviews and just casually talking about more liberal (as in free. not#politically) things. yes i do feel like if it wasn't for me my family would be worse people#i KNOW one of my brothers would be because he literally told me so. and it makes me happy. it is proof that my life is worthy and i have a#good impact on the world. it doesn't have to be a big thing i do to change things..... because i believe in the Ripple Effect#my dad is a teacher and he uses the proper pronouns for his trans students without complaint now. that has a good impact on SO many people#the trans students and their classmates who hear their teacher respect them. my brother is no longer homophobic he's bi lol and#if i hadn't argued with him about what bisexuality meant bc he was Wrong when i was 18 and he was 16... i wonder....#my younger sister is one of the nicest kids i've ever met and i partly raised her. it feels great to see her be such a good kid#her best friend is a trans girl and when she first came out my sister was one of two people in their class who still wanted to be#her friend.#idk. just inspires me to keep being the best person i can be & always do what's right even if it makes people mad#bc no one can hurt me as much as my family has traumatized me (lol) and look what happened to them!! i didn't give up! and i see real change
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âAssurĂ©ment, je ne suis quâune jouvencelle et je nâentends rien aux voiees de la guerre. Votre avis, messires ?â Daenerys IV, ASOS
âPar ailleurs, nous dit septon Eustace, le roi accueillit ces dĂ©crets âavec courtoisieâ et remercia lord Peake de sa sagesse, puisque âje suis toujours un enfant, comme votre seignerie le sait bien, et manquant dâinstruction sur ces sujetsâ. Si ses vĂ©ritables sentiments Ă©taient autres, Aegon choisit de ne pas les exprimer, et prĂ©fĂ©ra se retirer de nouveau dans le silence et la passivitĂ©.â Feu et Sang : Sous les rĂ©gents. La guerre, la paix et les foires au bĂ©tail.
âVous ne devriez pas vous attarder ici trop longtemps, Votre GrĂące. On nourrit les Astapori, comme vous lïżœïżœavez ordonnĂ©. Nous ne pouvons rien faire de plus pour ces malheureux. Nous devrions regagner la citĂ©.
- Allez-y si vous le souhaitez, ser. Je ne vous retiens pas. Je ne retiens aucun dâentre vous.[...] Je ne puis les guĂ©rir, mais je peux leur montrer que leur MĂšre se soucie dâeux.â Daenerys VI, ADWD
âLâautre hĂ©ros, Ă la stupeur de tous, fut le jeune roi. A lâhorreur de sa Garde Royale, Aegon passa ses journĂ©es Ă visiter les malades, et il restait souvent assis avec eux des heures durant, parfois tenant leur main, ou adoucissant leur front enfiĂ©vrĂ© avec des linges frais et humides. Bien que Sa GrĂące parle rarement, il partageait ses silences avec eux et Ă©coutait quand ils lui racontaient des histoires de leur vie, imploraient son pardon ou se vantaient de leurs conquĂȘtes, de leurs bonnes actions et de leurs enfants.â Feu et Sang : Sous les rĂ©gents. La Main encagoulĂ©e.
Some parallels between my two favourites Targaryen rulers I thought about when I read again Fire and Blood. The quotes are in french because I only have the french versions of the books.Â
#asoiaf#daenerys targaryen#aegon iii targaryen#well the first parallel isn't perfect#daenerys has the choice and explain her plan to people who respect her#so saying she's just a young girl is kind of a joke between them even if she really looked for their opinion#aegon iii didn't have any power and this happened after his new hand unwin peake didn't respect any of his decisions#his sarcasm is the only thing aegon iii can control in this situation#and yes i think he was sarcastic and not courteous like septon eustace said#first courteous isn't a character trait of aegon iii#secondly we know that unwin peake and aegon iii will never get along#justly because unwin doesn't respect aegon and just want to use him to earn power#anyway there's still the parallel that they both use this formulation#being modest because they're young even if they're mature above their age
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Me, browsing Wattpad for Contentâą (yes I know but it is a dry, dry desert out there and it's the only place with frequent posting for the fandom, shut up): Hm, a ship list? What the fucking hell; I'm already waist deep in garbage just by being here. What harm could it do? I'm desperate at this point.
The List: *Cyan x Rose is right at the fucking top*
Me: ... ah, perhaps I am misunderstanding? Perhaps they like it in a platonic sense, or like the familial relationship it very much actually is. *clicks on the chapter*
The Chapter: *proceeds with a short paragraph about why they like this ship, insisting that there was plenty of "crumbs" for it in canon that it HAD to be deliberate, basically this is very much NOT seen as platonic or familial AT ALL by this point*
Me: a h. My day is ruined now, thank you.
#Kaitou Joker#Mun Post#tw incest#incest tw#cw incest#incest cw#((the fic author wasn't lying; I really didn't like that ship#didn't even stick around to see the rest of them; don't really need to with such shit takes omfg#then again this same author posted some kind of challenge thing where they right off the bat said that#they found several of the heavily minor-coded leads to be sexy; so like. full of Awesome Takes; this one; clearly#for those not in the know; the characters Cyan and Rose are twin brother and sister; respectively#Cyan behaves very affectionately towards his sister; true; but he hasn't seen her around in a very long time#even worse; for reasons I will not get into due to spoilers; Rose very likely has the mind of a young child#sure you can't much tell the difference between her and the other characters of similar physical age; but she's also not on screen very much#and also the other cast members can be said to be very childish; her older brother included#he's responsible for taking care of her; mostly; most of his actions in his first arc are motivated by her well being in fact#to imply that there's anything romantic/sexual about the nature of their relationship at all is fucking creepy. this is a kids' show dude#don't be fucking nasty!!!#sadly not the first I've seen of content of this nature; or implying it (harder to tell with a language barrier tbf)#probably won't be the last of it; either; sadly))
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