#AND PANDORA HEARTS OBVIOUSLY PANDORA HEARTS I NEED TO READ IT SO BAD BUT I JUST DONT BC IVE BUILT UP THE ANTICIPATION TOO MUCH IN MY HEAD

[ultimatecerealfan]

i have so much manga i want to read but I always put them off thinking 'it's not the right time' for some reason and act like I have nothing to read when I doo someone force me to finish bsd rn

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to @cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems 

Part 3

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: reader overthinking way too much, trust issues all around, a bunch of angst, interspecies relationship, sexual tension, sexual content, past relationship trauma, commitment issues, reader feeling unlovable, unprotected sex, cowgirl position, exophilia, size kink, creampie, dominant reader, sub neteyam, use of "good boy", slight degradation kink, sex under rain (don't ask lol), territorial and possessive neteyam, neteyam wants to make reader his mate

Hi, my cute readers <3 I haven't posted an actual full smut in a good while lol Took me some time to write this chapter, ngl, but I kinda like the result. I always fantasized about dominating Neteyam so, today I HAD to finally write my fantasies down lol if y'all like the way I write dominant reader x sub neteyam, I can maybe write more smuts like this in the future. Lemme know what you think in the comments. It always makes me happy to read your words of love and encouragement. I love every single one of you. I don't have much to say now because I'm feeling pretty sad and idk... I just wanted to thank y'all for all the support you give me. You guys are truly precious to me. You'll never know how much. Here's a virtual hug to y'all 🥰

Slightly proofread.

Part 2: I know you're dying to meet me

𓇼

I know you wanna slip under my armor

See, everywhere I go I got a million different people trynna hit it

But I'm still alone in my mind

I know you're dying to meet me

But I can just tell you this

Baby, as soon as you meet me

You'll wish that you never did

Alone (Halsey)

𓇼

Your heart was beating dangerously fast and you could not speak. Neteyam had a power over you, whether you liked admitting it or not. He had you weak in the knees for him as he kept you imprisoned between his tall, broad body and the big tree behind you.

How was he making you so vulnerable? You hadn't felt like that when it came to guys in so long. You feared what that feeling could mean.

Neteyam knelt on the ground so you could look at him without hurting your neck.

"Sevin tawtute…" (pretty human) "I want you so bad. All of you, syulang…" (flower) "I know you want me too. You came and you're here with me. There's no need to play hard to get anymore." 

Fighting against the rational part of your brain, you let your desire for him take over and moved your hand until it touched his chest, your fingers tracing his mesmerizing stripes that were a shade of blue darker than the rest of his skin.

"That's right, tawtute" Neteyam cooed, his breath faltering, your delicate touch giving him a rush of adrenaline, making him want you even more than he already did "Surrender to me."

You kept your hand on his warm chest and looked up at his face with eyes that were obviously bewitched by him as your mouth hanged slighty open. You could not hide what you felt anymore. Neteyam could tell how much you wanted that too, how much your body was calling for him as much as his body called for yours.

Neteyam looked deep inside your eyes with his big golden ones and grabbed you roughly by the waist, his huge hands squeezing you tight. His gaze never left yours. Neteyam kept your bodies together by holding you firmly against him. You felt like the air in your lungs was slipping away. You got even more breathless when he rubbed his hard cock against your pussy, making you give out a breathy, low moan.

His cock was still covered by his loincloth but you could feel it really well as he pressed it over your entrance. The thin fabric didn't do much to conceal his need. God, was he big…. Big is not even the word for it. And thick too. Your juices were leaving you all sticky between the legs.

It started raining. You had always loved when it rained while you were at the beach back on Earth and it was not different here on Pandora. You loved to go inside the Metkayina sea and feel water all around you, coming from below and above. 

It was cold now. You wanted Neteyam's warmth but didn't wanna ask for it. You were cold and his huge na'vi body would help you get warm.

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if you gave in to him. You were already there, in front of his hammock. You came to meet him, right? So you might as well give him what he wants. Sex. Isn't that what all guys want? The only thing they want? To fuck you and then leave you alone crying, if you're foolish enough to fall for them? At least that's how it had been for you all your life. You weren't even sure if you still believed somebody could ever fall in love with you. Or fall in love and stay. You didn't know. You were shivering with the cool water falling over your skin, giving you goosebumps and it was hard to think straight.

"You're cold, yawntutsyìp." Neteyam looked worried "Come. Let's lay on my hammock together and I'll keep you warm."

You thought twice before accepting it. But you ended up giving in and letting him take you by the hand and lead you to his huge hammock. You looked at it and realized how humongous it was compared to the hammocks that were made for humans. There were some back in the laboratory. 

When the both of you stopped in front of his hammock, you took a good look at Neteyam's body. It was now even sexier with the drops of rain rolling down his toned chest and abdomen. You watched as the droplets fell through his thick thighs too. You had to admit he was fucking hot and you truly understood why he was so popular with girls. But that could also mean he was full of himself. You didn't know him well, you two had seen each other many times before but only from some distance. Neteyam had never talked to you before that night, even though you had noticed him looking at you many times when you had to go do some scientific researches on his tribe and he was around with his siblings. You never paid that much attention to it, though. You were used to guys looking at you. Not to be cocky or anything but you had been called "pretty" all your life and you knew you were attractive to many guys out there. Neteyam was just one of them, even if he stood out among the other na'vi for his uncommon beauty and you did, yes, feel drawn to him.

You watched Neteyam laying down on his hammock, his thick, fleshy thighs spreading over its surface. The stripes all over his thighs caught your attention again. You didn't understand why but you felt extremely attracted to his stripes. They made him exotic, different from what you're used to, unique… Looking at his beautiful dark blue stripes made you wanna bite his thighs.

You looked at him, still nervous but soon enough you gave in and laid next to him, by his side, your body pressing against his. Neteyam rapidly put his arm around your shoulders and, as his arms were huge compared to the ones of a human, his arm covered all of your torso too. You felt a little less cold now.

"You're so tense, tawtute. Relax, hm? Here, lemme make it better." 

Neteyam took your face inside his huge hand, its warmth spreading all over your cheek as he got his mouth close to yours and softly kissed your lips. He took your lips inside his mouth slowly but eagerly and you felt pleasure creeping in all over your pussy. You finally started relaxing and a moan escaped your lips when his tongue touched yours and massaged it softly, over and over. Neteyam took that as a green flag that meant he could be bolder now.

He started to hike up your light violet dress that was soaked by the rain, exposing your thighs to him. Neteyam ran his hand up and down your left thigh "Hmm, tawtute… You're so fucking perfect. Damn, I can't believe you're here in my arms."

"Neteyam?" You said, out of breath

"Yeah?" His eyes were still fixated on your thighs 

"Can I try something?"

"What do you mean?" Neteyam questioned

"I wanna dominate you, Neteyam. I wanna ride your cock." Your eyes were now seductive as you stared at him, your expression serious but alluring

Neteyam was caught by surprise. He did not expect you to say those words. But it did not mean he didn't like hearing them.

"Ah, baby… That's how I wanna see you. I wanna see you showing me your wild side. Wanna see my tawtute let go of her worries and just enjoy this night with me." a smile full of satisfaction adorned his beautiful full lips

You knew that meant he wanted to be dominated by you. 

As you started taking your dress off, Neteyam's eyes were glued on your body. He wanted to feel every inch of you. He was in love with every single part of your body.

Neteyam watched you slid your panties down your legs and sit on top of him. You started rubbing your soaking wet pussy on his hard cock, still covered by his loincloth, and he whimpered at the friction. You didn't care about your worries anymore. All you wanted was to feel that huge, delicious cock inside of you.

"You're gonna have to take this off for me. I have no idea how to take your loincloth off. Seems complicated to put on." Your fingers grabbed the string of his loincloth and you were smiling and looking at him

He smiled widely, a dirty look on his face "That shouldn't be a problem. Give me a second, syulang."

Neteyam took his loincloth off with ease as he was more than used to putting it on and taking it off every single day. You thought the way he did that was so fucking enticing. Damn, every single thing that alien boy did was attractive in your eyes.

Once his cock was out and it moved back, towards his abdomen, you felt something primal coming over you. You wasted no time. In a second you were already on top of him, taking his big blue cock inside your small hand and burying it inside of you. Neteyam groaned when he felt your gummy, wet walls squeezing his girthy cock.

"Hmmghh…" You couldn't help but moan because of his size

"I know, tawtute… You feel so fucking good too…" He mewled

Neteyam's cock was so big it reached the tip of your womb every time you rode him. It hurt you but it felt so insanely good at the same time. You knew your pussy would feel bruised and used the next morning but you wanted that. You wanted to spend the whole day being reminded of how Neteyam's huge cock had been deep inside of you.

You could not stop grinding on him. You loved knowing he was so desired by so many girls but tonight he was only yours. That made you feel hot since you knew you were pretty enough to not only get his attention but to make him spend all that time back in the party trying to get you. And he did. He got you good.

Neteyam cupped both your breasts and squeezed them gently

"So fucking soft, oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "Just like I thought they would be."

You put your hands over his four finger hands and kept them there while you kept moving your hips, riding him like that cock was all you ever needed in your life. Your eyes were closed, as your chin was up and your mouth hanged open, pleasure driving you crazy.

"You don't know how hot you look riding me like this with the rain falling over your skin, your hair all wet… Eywa… I'll make you mine, tawtute. I won't let you be with anyone else ever again."

Neteyam's territorial side was showing itself, he felt possessive over you just like you were his mate already. And that's exactly what he wanted you to be. Neteyam wanted to make you his forever. He wanted to own your body and your soul, to own all of you.

Neteyam's desire for you drove him wild. You could see his animalistic side taking over him. And you loved it. You fucking loved it so much. It made your pussy clench around his cock.

"Yeah? You like how I ride this big cock, Neteyam? Did any na'vi girl ever ride you as well as I do?" You kept moving your hips and rubbing your pussy on him simultaneously. It gave you an enormous amount of pleasure since you were stimulating your clit at the same time you were feeling his cock inside of you.

"No, tawtute. You're better than any na'vi girl." He cried in pleasure "I only want your ‘ekxin little pussy from now on." (tight) "Only want you."

You grinned, devilish, and put your hand on his large neck "Who's my good boy?"

Neteyam's eyes were closed and his lips were parted as he was completely taken over by the way you were dominating him. Nobody had ever done that before, it was a new territory to him. He was used to dominating all the na'vi girls he had ever had sex with.

"I am. I am your good boy, yawne."

Damn, you got Neteyam calling you "yawne".

You chuckled "Yeah, you are, pretty boy. You're so good for me."

Riding his huge, thick cock felt like fucking Paradise. You were overcome with sheer lust. Neteyam wasn't the only one who was feeling animalistic. Humans were animals just like the na'vi and at that moment you were following your deepest instincts. You felt like a bitch in heat, all for him.

"Oh, oeyä tawtute… I'm gonna cum. Wanna cum inside your pretty, ‘ekxin pussy."

"Then cum for me, my needy, cocky boy. You're so fucking cocky but you're nothing when you're vulnerable like this under me." You laughed lowly, feeling proud of yourself for making such a mess out of that pretty alien boy

Neteyam came hard inside your pussy, a big load of his thick, warm seed painting your inner walls. It felt so good. Having his cum inside your pussy, feeling a little bit of it leaking out of your entrance because of how much he came… Fuck... your pussy started clenching around him again.

You watched as Neteyam breathed heavily under you, his chest quickly going up and down.

You didn't notice when it had happened but the rain had stopped falling.

•

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@neteluvr (you still haven't answered my comment asking if you wanted to be tagged but since u seemed to love the first chapter... teehee 💕)

@layla2-49 (you left a comment on the first chapter 💗)

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen (you left lovely comments on the first chapter haha 💖)

@yeosxxx

[timetravellingshinigami]

For anyone who likes a good alien romance with plot and smut👌👌 I

happily give some recommendations .

There's one which give me Miles Quaritch x reader/oc vibes 😏

Obviously if you love big blue aliens (Na'vi)

You gotta check out Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon

You can also go on the tag #iceplanetbarbarians and you'll find memes and art. It's a big fandom for this series.

There's a spinofff series of this called CORSAIR Brothers

And the first book ADIRON

Has a hilarious hero who's goofy and a himbo. Personal favourite 👌

Next if you want aliens who are very Na'vi like in culture but also don't hesitate to use technology then this one is for you

The Ash Planet Warriors

It's a spin off of the series Garrison Earth.

There are three races here the Vetusian, Jal'zar i.e The Ash Planet Warriors and Humans. The humans and Jal'zar are invaded by the Vetusians.

My favourite book in the spin off is this

Enemies to loves, political marriage. Here's a summary

I won’t touch her. But I will torment her soul. While the other warlords mate with the daughters of our enemy, I want nothing to do with these political marriages. Fate calls me north, searching for what the shamans say will complete my soul.

Now in the Garrison Earth series the last book is very interesting.

It's the Miles Quaritch x reader/oc fanfics but in a book 👇👀👀

Claimed

I conquered her planet and pillaged her body. Now I’m back for her heart.

A decade ago, I brought war to Solgad, home of the Jal’zar. I sacked the planet and slaughtered the people, all to save my race from extinction. Until one of their female warriors hissed defiance, promising me death at her hands no matter how her body longed for mine.

Each night, she came to end me, only to succumb to the raw urges of her mating heat.Each night, I gave her hungry womb what it needed, the way we coupled neither safe nor sane.

I was the enemy she couldn’t kill.She was the female I couldn’t have.

Together, we unleashed chaos.

Many solar cycles after the occupation, I return to Solgad, searching the ashen plains for her: my soulmate. This time, I will claim the Jal’zar female as mine, and nobody will get in the way.

Not even myself.

If you can, do read the entire series first if you want to know a little back story of the male character.

Now on to a villian from a different series

Zorus from Redeeming Zorus by Laurann Dohner.

Here's an enthusiastic comment about the character

Zorus, You Evil Bigot, M*ther F@cking, Sadistic Bastard!!! I have HATED You for SOOO LONG. Now I have to read your Love Story!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyway here's what's he's all about: Zorus is a member of the Ruling Council that governs cyborgs. His orders are law and must be obeyed. But Zorus is a sick bastard. He hates humans with a passion, and has been an evil terror to all cyborg males that have attempted to take a human female as a mate. He has gone as far as ordering them to be killed under the pretense that they were Earth Government spies searching for cyborgs.

But in a way his intense hate is justified. It's like if a Na'vi wanted to kill all the humans and Avatars (even the good ones), and all the hybrid children, because of what the RDA has done in Pandora.

Obviously this book is part of a series.

I'm sorry this spiralled into Alien villains but here's the last one

The Fractured Mate

Comments on the book:

Halian was so damned evil in previous books, I couldn't possibly imagine how he could be redeemable. But DAMN if our author didn't come up with the absolute most genius, creative, plot twist of an explanation!

Again part of a series of many interesting alien characters. Best to read those so you get an idea of how bad Halian is.

Now three other good alien books (not a villain main character)

Heart's Prisoner by Olivia Riley

He's not like anything Lana has ever encountered.

Asset X: Massive, deadly, a little terrifying to say the least. A devilish warrior. And a killer. Captured on a hellish world after attacking a military campsite and now imprisoned in a state-of-the-art cell inside one of the military’s top bases--Lazris.

And Lana has been assigned to "study" him. To learn his secrets and gain his trust, if he is ever allowed to set foot out of his cell. As a top behaviorist, it is the biggest hurdle of her career.

Very alien looking hero and mostly from the FMC point of view so there's a whole lot of mystery around him and what he's thinking. When we talking alien this dude is very alien. Also, it's a slow burn. Definitely no attraction at first sight. Actually we're all terrified 😂

Next is Classified Planet: Turongal of The Darvel Exploratory Systems

Cottonwood by R.Lee. Smith

Have you seen District 9? If you haven't please do..one of the best Sci fi alien movies out there. Anyway this book has the same kind of aliens. And a sort of similar plot. It feels like a fanfiction if that movie but it's different from the book too. All the characters are well written and brilliant plot. If 'Hearts Prisoner ' hero is a 7 on the "how alien does he look?" scale, the aliens in this book are a 9.

Argurma Salvager #1 Broken Earth

☝️ Hero's features inspired by the Predator in Alien vs Predator movies.

Saving Askara #1 Saving Askara

This has :

First contact

Slow burn (almost all the books i mentioned are slow burn)

Learning the cultures (Ash Planet also is about learning a different culture.)

Anyway these are some of my favorites and the best sci-fi alien romance i love till date ❤️ obviously there'are many more that I've probably forgotten 😅

[regardingregulusblack]

When is a monster not a monster?

“I read something, the other day,”

“Hm?”

“Poetry.”

“Obviously.” Regulus shoved his brother at that.

“Remember when you used to sing me to sleep?”

“Well, I don’t know about singing, but…” Sirius says with a chuckle.

“No, you did. I’m not teasing you about it.”

“Uh, okay, yeah, I remember. What about it?”

Regulus is lost in thought, looking at the puddle growing at the bottom step of the set of stairs both brothers are perched on.

“Most nights I don’t sleep. I can’t, it’s like my eyes refuse to stay closed, and my mind can’t find one thing to stay focused on. It’s either blank, or overcrowded,” Regulus admits, fingers fiddling with the lace of his right shoe. Sirius is waiting patiently, silent as the night sky, in fear of stopping this trail of thought.

Regulus continues after a few seconds, “Sometimes I remember how easily I used to fall asleep with you humming next to me.”

And Sirius turns his head from his brother, hand reaching up to scrub the tears from his eyes. The ever-present lump he’s had living in his throat since he’s been sat with his little brother feels like it doubles in size, and he’s never ached to wrap anyone up this tightly before. To sing him to sleep.

“But the poem I found the other day asked, ‘when is a monster not a monster?’.”

“Reg, you’re not-“

“When you used to sing it to sleep.” Regulus finished. And it was a few seconds after, seconds filled with Sirius fighting that lump away again, that Sirius finished his previous words.

“You’re not a monster, Reg.”

“But that’s exactly my point: you wouldn’t say I’m a monster. You wouldn’t say it, don’t believe it, because when I was that age, the age where you could still sing me to sleep, I wasn’t a monster. How could I be? I was a child. So were you. But now… Now I’m an adult, and everything I’ve done has had intentions behind it.”

“You’re hardly an adult, Regulus. You’re sixteen, for Merlin’s sake.”

Regulus just shrugged, “Still.”

“All right, so you’re a monster. You’re a monster, because- because of what, Reg? Because you’re sixteen and don’t have your shit together yet? What fucking teenager does?”

“It’s not just-“ Regulus’ words fell short.

“Pandora was flipping through one of those muggle magazines the other day, and they had a section on celebrities describing themselves in one word. And the only word that came to mind when I thought about how I felt about myself, was awful. Because I am. And I know I am, because the only person I have left is my blood brother who most spends most of his days trying to disassociate himself from his biological family… And that includes me, so.”

Sirius knows no matter how often he tries to remind the younger of the two that his leaving had nothing to do with Regulus was a futile attempt at consoling him. Because he doesn’t believe it, has never believed it, and probably won’t ever, either. So instead of being on the defence against his own life choices, he’d try and defend his brother’s.

“You’ve fallen out with Pandora before. You’ve made up with her before, also.”

“Not like this, Siri.” And Regulus’ defeated look is like a pin to the heart.

“Your friends, they’re not going to… understand the way you are, not fully. Not when they didn’t grow up in the same house we did- not when they’re still in the same house you are.”

“I can’t just use that as an excuse-“

“It’s not an excuse, it’s part of an explanation. Do you know how long it took Remus to understand why I do half the shit I do? And he’s one of the smartest people I know.”

Regulus seemed tired, his answers no longer in defence of his own beliefs and just staying silent.

Sirius didn’t know if that was good or bad.

“You need to talk to people, Reg. You can’t just expect them to understand, especially when they don’t know the whole story. And you need to apologise, even if it burns your pride and goes against everything Maman and Papa told you.”

“You’re not a monster, Reg. You’re my little brother.”

[platykool]

Heya clus - I hope you're keeping well! :D for the '3 things' ask (I've sent three in keeping with the theme!):

6. 3 characters that inspire you

9. 3 things you like doing on a rainy day

24. 3 places that makes you feel peaceful

Hi Sea !! I'm doing well thank you, how about you ?? Thanks for the asks ! :))

6. This one was so hard to answer fbkzbd mostly because I'm not sure I'm answering this right, I mean these characters inspired me but maybe not in the way the question implies it, but anyway, here they are :

The whole story of Pandora hearts and all the characters really marked me and inspired me a lot, this manga means so much to me ! I'll go with Gilbert for this, he's (I think) a fantastic character, very human and full of tenderness in a rather violent world. I thnik characters that are kind in a very clumsy and human way are my weak spot, and Gilbert's emotional, can be nervous and clumsy but is still so important to everyone else and I don't know I just love it. (when I first read it it made me feel so much better about myself haha)

the whole cast of bungo stray dogs honestly inspired me a LOT, but in the same way ; it made me want to succeed in portraying the characters through my drawings, and in fact, it's what gave me the courage to post my stuff on tumblr haha, so I owe a lot to this series. It also made me want to analyze certain characters in greater depth, to indulge more into series in general, but I can't pick only one character from it !! (But tbh it's mostly the DOA)

And I obviously can't answer this without speaking about Reigen and mp100 in general ! I think I watched it at the perfect time in my life. It is a series so dear to me I don't even know where to start, but sincerely, it's a heart-warming anime, so many touching and endearing characters with their flaws but who are full of humanity, a little (a lot) weird, and there's something fundamentally kind, gentle, soothing and an acceptance for others that's missing a lot these days I think, and it did me so much good to get into that world ! I'm having a really hard time finding the right words, but I love this series so much bdjvzd For me, Reigen is the character who best represents this whole feeling of humanity, full of flaws but so full of gentleness and good intentions, and all his talk about Mob's place in the world, and that we're all special on the same level in the end, that no one is above the others and that there's no point in trying to be "special" at all costs, because we already are by being ourselves, and that everything's going to be fine and it's such a healing point of view of the world that I desesperatly needed, so thank you a Reigen !!

9. First thing I do is running to my window to see if there's a storm coming or no, then I proceed to stand here and watch it (if there's one), and if there's no storm (-lame-) I still like to watch the rain approaching, and how people handle it ; sometimes it's very sudden, and since my apartment is above a large patch of grass where people come to rest I have a direct view on the panic slowly setting in lol, but honestly most of the time I just stay inside with a hot chocolate or a tea and I go on with my day !

Or if I've been outside in the rain I complain about being wet

24. Tricky one !! There's one specific place where I can feel really peaceful, and it's at my grandparents house. It is a big home a bit up in the mountains in the south, and there's no close neighbors, no city noises, just so much calm and sun and peace !! I like to go up there just to sit in the grass and bask in the sun like some kind of plant, petting the cats. And speaking of cats, it's not really a place but I feel peaceful whenever there's a cat purring in my lap or in my arms (especially if it's my old kitty cat), it is just the best feeling in the world and it helps forget everything bad that ever happened to you <3 and for the last place it's gonna sound weird I guess but whenever I start to feel very anxious in some sort of social setting I go to the bathroom/toilets just to calm down and it's mostly because no one is going to come annoy you in bathrooms lol, so yeah toilets are a peaceful place to me (and basically places where I am sure that no one will disturb me, where I can lock the door and be in peace)

[outeremissary]

9 People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @turbulentpumpkin43. Thanks for thinking of me! I know I haven't been around much (for reasons we don't need to get into), but truly nothing summons me faster than the email notification about a tag game where I know I'm going to have to say something horribly embarrassing about myself.

Three Ships: I mean, if we're counting stuff with OCs then obviously anyone following my knows Balthazar and Tristian (and the wonderful polycule with Vio) is my number one. Aside from that, the latest volume of Witch Hat has fully converted me into an Agott/Coco true believer. I actually did like the Coco/Tarteh vibe but Agott's special brand of slowly changing rival just has me by the throat. Aside from that? Ummm. Elliot and Leo from Pandora Hearts? Does that count? I did my full reread of Pandora Hearts while afk in September and those two have had me since like 2012 or 2013 or whenever they were introduced in the English release. But now that I'm older and more mature I can better appreciate what the messy later arcs had to give, and that's the beauty of a relationship between equals corrupted by a growing imbalance no one has the strength to acknowledge and devotion so deep it tears both of their lives apart. That's awesome. 11/10, everyone read Pandora Hearts and I'm not even joking

First Ever Ship: Gamers, back in early 2012 when I was in middle school and could only see images on the computer at school because searching for anything visual online was mega bad for rural internet, a friend of mine used a science classroom computer to discover you could find non-canon images of The Legend of Zelda if you searched terms like "Link blue" and scrolled down a couple rows. I distinctly remember this as the first ever time I really understood the concept of "fan art," and more importantly as my entry into fandom as we all began to realize many of these came from the same site: a place called "DeviantArt." Some of these contained such salacious and unthinkable things as two boys holding hands and blushing, and also both of those boys were Link. I was so captivated by these mysterious images that I followed them to their Four Swords Adventures manga RP fandom source, where I am not proud to say the first "ship" I adopted as such was Vio (Violet Link for people who spent their time doing better things at thirteen) and Shadow (Shadow Link, of course). That's right, everyone! It was edgy Link selfcest yaoi between a traitor and an angsty villain all the way down!!! And you know what? When I write that I don't think my taste has changed. Except the selfcest. Mostly.

The other, more respectable first ship I remember not long after that was Ulquihime. What can I say, there's just something about the Stockholm syndrome of it all.

Last Song: No title - REOL. Narrowly missed this being edgy early Vocaloid. I've been revisiting old favorites recently.

Last Movie: I'm pretty sure it was Surf's Up. For whatever reason my friend decided we should rewatch it when I visited him a few weeks ago. Holds up better than it should, but I've rewatched it twice in little over a year and truly that is my Surf's Up limit. That trip was also when my friend forced me to watch Barbie and the D&D movie. Look at me catching up on relevant pop culture only for fucking Surf's Up to be what made this list.

Currently Reading: I'm pretty sure this came up last time, but because I haven't gotten started on a better book since then I'm unfortunately still periodically chipping at The Thousand Deaths of Ardor Benn. This book fucking sucks. Don't read it. If we could manga and stories that are actually good I recently did a Witch Hat Atelier reread after getting volume 11!!! That volume is. So painfully personal.

Currently Watching: Cyberpunk: Edgerunners and Jujutsu Kaisen season 2. JJK is with my friend for weekly hangout, but Edgerunners is a solo endeavor because it was bumming him out way too much. Good show though. Also JJK was way more of a bummer than expected in ways that caught me off guard??? I'm not getting over what happened to that girl, I really got fucking got by that scene. Jesus

Currently Consuming: Nothing. Just finished dinner, where I had a chicken sandwich and fries. I need groceries. It's dire.

Currently Craving: doing something creative, but that would require moving the giant zine pile on my chair........ this is how I'm procrastinating

I'm sorry, but I'm actually not tagging anyone on this tonight! I haven't been on enough lately to know who has or hasn't done it, and frankly I'm not ready to be back on Tumblr enough to map that out. If you're seeing this and want to do it, please go ahead and do it. Tag me like I tagged you, we are collaborators in this and I want to see what you say.

[dodo-begone]

He’s Unleashed, my Cracker King

Pairing: Yandere!DSMP!Awesamdude x Reader

Request: Haha yandere sam pt 2😳😳 jk...unless

Word count: 1.4k

Warning: Starvation/Fasting, Yandere, Restraints

This is a part 2 to The Monster Within

If this ever looks wonky/glitched, i have this properly archived on Ao3

_______________________________________________

It’s been ages since the breach. Specifically, you had no clue how much time passed. Hours or days could’ve passed, weeks, even months and it would’ve all been the same. No daylight could reach you deep within the walls of Pandora’s Vault.

In the end, it was all the same. You couldn’t even tell time through how often you slept. Food rations were the only way to tell time, in a way. Honestly you had no idea how to really do it. Okay you did but you got rather confused quickly. Eat ration was supposed to be what, a day? A few hours? How were you supposed to know? It didn’t matter after a while. Instead you counted how many rations you got rather than trying to guess the time between feedings.

With a sigh, you flop back onto your cot. For a cot in a prison, it was rather comfortable and homey. The longer you spent in this cell, the more you think this was purposeful. No prison cell should be filled with so many comforts and luxuries. Book? Yeah that can make sense. Dream had some in his cell. There were ones to read and clothes to write. He got a clock and a cauldron. That was it.

And you? So many luxuries seemed to have been waiting for you. Stuffed animals similar to your own, at least you hoped they were just similar and not your own, had been neatly placed on the cot. Small trinkets like jewelry and other small and harmless objects were left about on flat surfaces. Nobody could even argue that this was a prison cell in Pandora’s Vault when there was a little table for the nicknacks. Sadly it was stuck into the floor. No amount of shoving or lifting would free it. Had to have been held down by screws or nails. Something of the sort. You weren’t a person fluent with items of that sort, so you could be severely mistaken.

What could be arguable worse is the fact that Sam hasn’t come back. He could’ve come in when you were asleep; who else could be providing the food otherwise? Yet that was the only sign of him other than a new item. It was always something you liked. In a pitiful attempt at rebellion, you ignore the items. You even start to ignore the food. A few nibbles on the food and then it was returned back to the door. It was always gone and replaced by something else when you next woke. It was absolutely infuriating.

You only hoped your actions peeved Sam. There must’ve been cameras, he must’ve been seeing everything. This was Pandora’s Vault we’re talking about, the most secure place in the smp. If it were to be kept secure, then cameras were obviously needed. On one hand, you wanted cameras to show Sam how awfully this was affecting you. On the other, you just wanted some damn privacy. Were either too much to ask for?

This cycle went on long enough for you to start feeling ill. Oh how you craved the food given to you, but you didn’t want to touch it. The food was vile, had to be. It was made by Sam, after all. Must’ve been. There may not be a vile taste, but the person who made it tainted it the moment they touched it. So you continue your fast in hopes it’d garner some attention from Sam.

Fortunately, on that front, you didn’t have to wait long. When you stopped eating food entirely, it wasn’t long until Sam came in. The moment he opened the door and walked in, so many emotions hit you at once.

Joy of someone else finally being here to talk to. Relief that it was someone you knew, someone you were close to. Yet all of those positive feelings were gone in a heartbeat, replaced by more malevolent feelings. Rage for seeing the man who imprisoned you. Disgust of seeing the man with such a loving yet melancholy gaze viewing your weakened state. Fear at what he could do to you now; he already had you imprisoned. You were completely and utterly at his mercy.

He’s slow at first, taking small steps toward you. None of his actions were swift, all soft. A way to keep you calm. That just made you more anxious; why would he be doing this if it weren’t for something bad? It had to be bad? Right? Sam was doing bad things to you. But he was your friend. And he still hurt you in every way.

Not even halfway across the room, he changed tactics. What were once deliberate and lagged movements soon became dizzyingly swift. You couldn’t even get yourself off the cot before he was on you. The moment he put his hands on you, you struggled in any way you could. Screaming, biting, pulling, kicking. Anything you could think of. Yet it wasn’t enough. You were too weak, too tired. Unprepared. Soon you gave up, becoming sedate and ragdoll-like.

Once again, you were at Sam’s mercy. Well it hadn’t changed really, you were always at Sam’s mercy. This felt different, though. Too real, something so in your face it was undeniable. Before you could only imagine what could happen, but the permanence, reality and unknown absolutely petrified you.

The jangling of metal caught you attention. You had no time to ponder where or what the noise was before shockingly cold was placed against your arm and a click was heard. Looking down fed a new fear. Although the fear wasn’t clear, some fear was definitely being fed. On your wrist was a nice, shiny shackle.

Now you were starting to shake and hyperventilate, oh god what was happening? What was going to happen? The sound of a second click, too similar to the first to be a coincidence, was absolutely bone chilling. You were terrified to look over to where the sound originated from.

Yet you still did. On Sam’s wrist was a shackle connected to an elongated chain. That chain led in your direction and it didn’t take a genius to figure out where it was going. Slowly you look back into Sam’s eyes. Absolute and raw fear met heart-melting adoration and glee. The sight sicked you, yet it seemed to have the opposite effect on Sam.

Delicately, he picked you up. Soon you were in his lap, being held snugly and securely to his chest. Gently he laid his head on your shoulder. In any other situation, this would be comforting. But this one? God it just makes everything so much worse. It only heightens your fear. This wasn’t what you were expecting. When was the bad stuff gonna happen? You know, that torture stuff?

Soon you start to sob. Could this get any worse?

The moment you started crying, Sam began his attempts at calming you. Quiet “shh”s and other sweet nothings were whispered by you. In his attempt, he tried to snuggle closer to you and held you tighter.

Once your crying fit was over, you leaned back into Sam. Resting your head onto his. You were absolutely defeated and exhausted. Sleep called to you with it’s alluring siren song, and you almost listened to it. That was until Sam shifted underneath you.

With one hand, he started to dig around in his pocket. Honestly you could care less at this point. Trying to sleep again proved fruitless. The moment you closed your eyes to sleep, Sam kept shifting and bothering you. A crinkle echoed through the silence. Not long after, with more movement on Sam’s part, something poked your lips. This was rather bothersome. So you turned away from it, hoping that’d be the last of it. It was persistent though.

It went on long enough to annoy you. What could be prodding at your mouth, besides Sam. Why would he be prodding your mouth? Could he just not?

Opening your eyes rewarded you to a cracker. A damn saltine cracker of all things. This time you actively watched as it was brought to your mouth and booped against your lips. The pattern kept going on, but now it was much more repetitive. Less time between prods. He did it so insistently and relentlessly that you just wanted to chomp his hand off. So you tried just that.

Your actions only rewarded you with a cracker and a “congrats” and “good job” from Sam.

And another cracker.

[cdroloisms]

more of ghost!dream! what can i say, i love this au a lot. here are the previous parts [1] and [2] if you want to read them first - this picks up right after last time, again :D 

tws: death, grief (as per usual for this au), very briefly mentioned torture/abuse (what quacktiy’s been doing in pandora), prison arc/pandora’s vault, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy coping mechanisms (c!sam is still very emotionally repressed, go figure) 

Maybe he should’ve carried the kid; it probably would’ve been quicker, at least. Fran sidled up to him, tossing her head easily as she brushed against his leg. When he looked down, she seemed to be staring at him judgmentally.

“What?”

She barked sharply, prompting a sleepy mumble from the kid trailing behind them, and Sam rubbed at the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh. Arguing with a dog now, really? You really are losing it.

“Are we there yet?”

“Almost,” Sam sighed again, cutting himself off before he said something he regretted. The words were colder than he intended as it was, making the kid flinch from the corner of his eye, and something in him stirred uncomfortably at the sight, far more familiar than he wanted to admit. Fran’s eyes were dark as she kept staring at him, feet padding softly against the grass as she nudged against him again.

What do you want me to do?

She held his gaze for a second longer before turning around, tail flicking to the side as she made her way to the shimmering image of the kid following them. Figure it out.

He huffed, making a small hissing sound through his teeth, ignoring the way his cheeks heated in embarrassment. He knew he was...cold, to say the least, had gotten used to everyone’s strange looks and shuffles away from him quickly enough. The prison left no room for vulnerability, not when every mechanism, every ounce of power in the prison, every person on the server was left in his hands, not when he was the only one standing in between the greatest danger that they had ever known and the peace that they had fought tooth and nail for. He’d learned how to lock every part of himself in a maze of redstone and blackstone and obsidian, learned how to hide away under layers of netherite and a metal mask. And- perhaps, at first, he’d flinched away from the slight fear in Puffy’s eyes, the hesitance in Tommy’s voice, the way that Ponk-

He swallowed, moving faster. He wasn’t going to think about him right now.

He was cold. He’d been cold as the Warden and he was cold, now, because he’d been the Warden for so long that he’d forgotten how to be anything else, because the walls that he’d thrown up between the part of him that lived under the sun and never wore more than a gold chestplate and the part of him that knew nothing but an endless checkerboard of grey and black had cracked over the days and weeks and months spent pacing, restless, around the same black box, from every piercing word Quackity spoke, from the bone-deep exhaustion that he could never shake. Fran barked again, behind him, and the kid giggled softly, the sound bright and weightless and warm; the weight of the mask on his face suddenly felt oppressive, and his hand came to brush against the polished edges. What did his voice sound like, warm? Did he even remember?

“Sammy!” He stumbled to a stop, the voice in his ears still unfamiliar in its familiarity, adrenaline making his heart flutter, “Slow down! You’re goin’ too fast!”

He stopped, not realizing he was holding his breath until he felt something- someone, right, knock into the back of his legs. He turned himself around carefully, finding the kid staring up at him with big, drooping eyes.

“M’tired,” he mumbled, leaning forward to put more of his weight on Sam, stumbling slightly when Sam drew backwards. “We’re almos’ there, right?”

“...yeah,” Sam looked away, pointedly looking over his shoulder to avoid having to meet the kid’s gaze, eyes finding the stone face of the mountain that he’d made into his home. “Just a few more minutes.”

“‘Kay,” he stepped back, arms coming down to his sides from where they’d been wrapped around Sam’s waist, and the weight that had suddenly settled over his ribcage eased off as well, finally letting him breathe. He began to turn back forwards so they could continue their walk and finally actually get inside the base when he felt something tug at his hoodie sleeve.

He watched, with something a little like a mix of muted horror and fascination as Dream grabbed his hand, carefully threading his fingers one by one in between Sam’s own until his hand was loosely clasped around the ghost’s, beaming at his accomplishment as he squeezed his hand firmly. It was something he’d done before, with Bad’s never-ending insistence that they stay together for safety at the slightest sight of danger and Sam usually relegated to wrangle the younger kids as one of the older and more “responsible” in the group, and the familiar weight of Dream’s hand in his own had him choking on memories he’d half-forgotten.

“Sammy?”

Even as a ghost, his grip was tight; there would be no way for Sam to ease his hand away without alerting him of his intentions. He swallowed around the thickness in his throat, feeling Fran walk up to his other side and circle around his legs.

“Let’s go.” His voice was rough, though the mask probably distorted it too much for it to be too noticeable. He pressed his shoulders back, let his right hand hang as a dead weight as the ghost swung it back and forth, humming idly as he did so.

“We’re almost there,” he said, looking forward towards his mountain, its western face shining golden by the setting sun, and didn’t know if he was talking to the ghost by his side or himself.

---

Thankfully, the actual process of getting into his base ended up being much simpler than the walk back to it. The sight of the various redstone mechanisms - hoeing the dirt and having a door appear from nowhere, especially - had the kid thoroughly perked up from where he’d been half-asleep by Sam’s side, and he’d fired off question after question as they made their way inside. The excitement was an easy distraction and he latched onto it with maybe a little too much enthusiasm, giving off-hand explanations as he dug through his chests for wool and wood.

The ghost, just as he’d always been, was an endless fountain of curiosity, following eagerly to look at his automatic potion brewer and sugarcane farm and furnace set-up, face scrunching in confusion when Sam tried explaining any of the redstone but watching intently anyway. Fran, seemingly exhausted from the walk - which, admittedly, had ended up being much longer than any of them expected - had almost immediately padded off to her room to sleep, leaving Sam alone with an all-too excitable ghost and far too many questions that weren’t going to get answers any time soon.

As the kid finally took a second away from running around to watch, fascinated, as the minecart in Sam’s furnaces dutifully circled back and forth with a few stacks of cobble that he’d thrown in there to smelt as a demonstration, he let himself step away, dragging a hand across his face with a low hiss of distress. He hadn’t thought of the possibility of Dream coming back as a ghost, honestly, had hardly thought about the future at all beyond the need for Quackity and himself to keep their mouths shut. It was an oversight, in hindsight, and he was lucky that he was the one to stumble on the kid instead of virtually anyone else on the server, but now-

Sam turned, watched as the kid rocked back and forth while watching the minecart make another round around the track. What was he supposed to do, now?

He would have to keep Dream here, obviously. All of the work that he and Big Q had put in to keep their actions secret could be blown with one careless pair of eyes on the newest phantom of the server; it’s not like they were particularly hard dots to connect. Speaking of Q, Sam felt the same uneasy prickle of something crawling up his spine, and he shook his head to clear it. It would probably be best if his business partner didn’t learn about this...complication, either, or at least not until he had a little more figured out. So it was left to Sam, in the end, to figure out what happened to the kid and to watch over him, as it always did; prime, there must’ve been someone out there laughing at the irony, making sure that he’d never be able to escape the seeming never-ending task of watching the same person.

It was fine. It would be- easier, this time, as long as he stayed far away from the rest of the Greater SMP. It’s not like anyone would notice anything different, considering how much time he’d been spending in the prison for the last few months, and at least his charge would be more willing to stay in one place than last time. All he had to do was keep them sufficiently out of the others’ prying eyes, at least until he and Quackity figured out a suitable explanation for the prisoner’s death to give to the others. Until then, his job was the same as it had been for months; of course, there were differences, but at its essence, did they really matter? Dead or alive, black walls or grey, he was still the Warden and Dream his...responsibility.

It would be fine. The ghost didn’t even remember anyone else; keeping him in one place would be easy. He’d been the Warden of Pandora’s Vault for months, what was a little time watching over a kid? An amnesiac ghost at that, naïve and far too trusting - it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

Right?

---

They ended up converting George’s abandoned room into a bedroom, of sorts, for the ghost. He’d been fascinated with the door going inside, had played with it for a couple minutes before his earlier exhaustion caught up to him and he’d settled on top of the bed, watching as Sam hastily brushed off dust and made the room semi-presentable. It was largely empty; he’d added some initial furnishings when he first built it, but George never really officially moved in, ended up caught up with one thing or another until everything went down on the Sixteenth, and everything since then had been so thoroughly chaotic on both ends that he really hadn’t bothered checking in on either Sapnap or George, leaving both of their rooms to do little more than collect dust. He ran his fingers over the blue-green planks, regret washing over him suddenly like a bucket of cold water thrown over his head. When had all of them grown apart? When did their home become this?

His hands slammed a little too hard on the next bookshelf he came too, eliciting a sharp gasp from the ghost behind him. He whirled around, winced at the sight of the kid cringing, a hand clasped firmly over his ear, and forced the tenseness out of his shoulders with a heavy sigh. The tiredness, it seemed, did more than make the ghost a little quieter and less excitable than the kid in his memories. Sam moved to the next bookshelf, running a damp cloth over the top edge; there was a newfound skittishness to him, an unfamiliar tendency to jump at loud noises and sudden movements. He’d always been cautious, masked even in Sam’s earliest memories, but there had always been a boldness that simply...didn’t exist anymore.

“I’ll leave you to it, alright?” He looked back, watching as the ghost ducked under the pink covers - he hadn’t been able to find anything other than a couple blocks of pink wool in his chest from who knows how long ago - and moving towards the door.

“G’dnigh’, Sammy.”

His voice was soft and sweet, and the cold feeling from before was back, a block of ice nestled in his chest that he couldn’t get out.

“...goodnight, Dream.”

[holdharmonysacred]

Been in a Pandora Hearts mood and something I’m wondering now is like. How much of Pandora Hearts actually IS a mindscrew confusing nightmare to read, and how much is actually perfectly comprehensible and people just need to learn to read? I tried explaining the plot to a friend earlier and they thought the summary of the early series sounded unfocused, and i’m wondering if there genuinely are focus issues or if I’m just that bad at summarizing.

Like. Obviously there are parts that are completely impossible to guess in advance, like the plushie part of The Bunny Twist is iconic to me BECAUSE on paper it’s so goddamn absurd even if the actual important part of the twist is possible to cotton on to. But then also like. I did a reread a couple years back, and I want to reread it again, and I cannot stress enough the sheer VOLUME of foreshadowing in the first half of the series that lays the groundwork for the chapters 70-75 hell gauntlet that everyone just collectively yeeted past. It feels like a careful reader should still be able to catch on to the core of the twists - like “x character is sus” or “something’s up with the b-rabbit situation” - even if the specifics are unguessable.

Is it an anime thing? I have to confess that I never watched the anime, for all I know maybe the anime just cut all the relevant Chekhov’s Guns compared to the manga. Or is it just a “most people Can’t Read and can’t pick up important flags” kind of situation? Or am I overestimating the series’s comprehensibility becquae I also know all the answers and can reverse engineer the foreshadowing as I reread? Is it all of the above? Who knows!

[rebellconquerer]

oooh, could we get 9 (you're in love with her) for the prompt meme. bucky and sam talking about sarah?

Here you go Anon, angst and feels. Will be crossposted to AO3. Technically a missing scene from In The Woods Somewhere, it'll be a little confusing if you haven't read that. Also it's a bit long.

Sam is worried. He’s trying very hard to hide it as he saunters down the gleaming walkway that leads to the Wakandan apartment they have set Bucky up in for his recuperation, but the fact remains that he is just a bit…worried.

The after had been worse than he expected. After Sarah had left, after Shuri had figured out the deprogramming, after they had started the process. He'll be honest, he hadn't been around much the first time. A mix of him not really knowing or trusting Bucky when this happened before (and vice versa), combined with Steve's almost obsessive need to shelter and protect Bucky then.

Still, the deprogramming had gone about as well as could be expected and Sam had remained with Buck until midway through the first week when major cities across Europe had started to be attacked by some weird environmental monsters. Hill, and then Fury himself, had reached out to say that the kid, Spiderman or whatever, had the situation under control and that they would call in reinforcements if they needed it. So Sam had stayed with Bucky for the first couple of days after the deprogramming as they were testing it to make sure it took, then some tv nutjob had leaked the kid's name.

Very few of the Avengers bothered with secret identities, but the kid was like 15 or something, so Hill had requested Captain America come help out with PR, ensuring that no one believed a teenager could be one of the Avengers.

Sam had said no initially, obviously, but Bucky had insisted he was fine and didn't need a babysitter. Had even managed to say it without that crazed, trapped animal look behind his eyes he got sometimes, so Sam had jetted off to New York for a few days. He had gotten exactly two texts from Bucky during that time. One that said 'I'm fine, mom' on day one and a thumbs-up emoji on day three.

Then Sarah had called him, trying to be all relaxed and casual as she fished for what the hell was going on in Wakanda cause Bucky hadn't spoken to her or responded to her since she left. As ancient as the dinosaurs though Buck may be, he damn well knows how to use a phone, and him deliberately cutting himself off is… concerning.

He comes to the right apartment number and knocks, then waits, then knocks again. Still no response. Sam frowns. He knows he's in there. Shuri told him they've still been monitoring his vitals and that he had requested a bit of time to himself in the aftermath, but he wasn't in the clear yet so she knew where he was.

Sam pounds on the door again.

"Buck, it's me. You gonna open up?"

Silence.

"Ok, Bucky, here's the thing, you either let me in or I'm calling Ayo or Shuri to override this lock… come on, man. Please." Sam whispers at the door, knowing Bucky's advanced hearing will pick it up.

He doesn't want to call in reinforcements and doesn't want to invade Bucky's space if it's not necessary, but as he mentioned before, he's worried.

He waits for one, then another overly long minute before the door finally opens.

Bucky looks like shit. His hair is messy and greasy. His blue eyes stand out as bright spots in the pallor of his face, broken only by the intense, almost bruise-like dark circles under his eyes. His cheekbones don't stand out as much as they did when Sam left so at least he was gaining back the weight he had lost, but he's standing with a blanket around his shoulders, hunched in and holding himself like the feral creature he hasn't been in years.

"Buck?-"

"You wanted to see me, you've seen me. Can you go now?" Bucky says flatly, eyes glinting with the acerbic 'fuck off' his lips haven't yet formed.

Oh hell no.

Sam slips his foot in the door just as Bucky goes to close it, preventing it from shutting. When Bucky pulls the door back open, Sam slips inside, pushing past Buck as quickly as he can.

Bucky growls, closing the door behind him and turning a glare on Sam.

"No please, come in. I'm definitely in the mood for visitors." Bucky says sarcastically.

Sam glances around the room. It's a lot like the first apartment they all stayed in together. Floor to ceiling windows cover one whole wall, the kitchen is immaculate, clearly unused, like most of the rest of the space, save for the couch where the cushions have been left haphazardly on the floor.

"Buck. What the hell is going on here?" Sam asks, voice coming out much softer than he intended. Bucky'd been in rough shape when he left, but he had been clearly on the mend. That was the only reason Sam'd even agreed to go help out.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I don't need you here." Bucky grits out, that muscle in his jaw flexing.

Sam stares for a minute then sighs. He's starting to get it, the lines of pain that seemed to carve through Steve whenever Bucky had pushed him away. It's hard for Sam to see the desperate way Bucky is holding himself while still pulling away, and Sam hasn't been his lifelong best friend.

"Look Buck, you're entitled to a couple bad days, but I'm going to need you to convince me that this is a par for the course breakdown and not something worse 'cause we've had a monumentally rough couple of weeks," Sam says clearly.

Bucky holds his gaze for a long moment before the harsh lines of his face seem to soften and he ducks around Sam, heading back to the couch.

"Like I told you, I'm fine." He mutters as he moves. "It's just… the come down from the deprogramming is a bitch, ok?"

Sam frowns, following him to the couch and sitting next to him.

"Would you like to elaborate, Buck?"

Bucky sighs, scrubbing both hands through his messy hair.

"Best as I understand it, it's like coming down from a high or something. There are a lot of biochemicals involved in the process and the washout… well it sucks." He shrugs. "Plus the process itself is like opening Pandora's box up here," he mutters, tapping the side of his head. "It leaves me… what I mean is it makes me-"

"Your nightmares get worse." Sam finishes for him. Bucky doesn't look up, doesn't say or do anything really.

Sam huffs. "Why didn't Shuri tell me? I expect this bullshit from you, but from her?"

Bucky goes very still, continuing to avoid eye contact. It finally clicks.

"She doesn't know, does she? You never said and… neither did Steve. That's why the two of you were hold up on that little farm for so long after. For god sake, why the hell didn't you say anything Buck?"

Sam doesn't try to hold back the frustration bleeding into his voice.

"That child has more than enough of my pain on her hands. She doesn't need any more. And I'll remind you… I never expected to have to do this again." Bucky finishes softly. Sam's anger deflates as suddenly as it started.

They sit in silence for a minute, Sam watching Bucky, Bucky pretending that Sam isn't watching him until Sam finally breaks.

"Is this why you haven't spoken to Sarah? She called me, you know, said you'd been ducking her calls."

Bucky's expression changes minutely then and if Sam hadn't known him as well as he does, if they hadn't been basically living in each other's pockets for the last year, he wouldn't have recognized it: a quick flash of guilt.

"Buck, what's going on in that head of yours?" Sam asks seriously. "Didn't I tell you if you break her heart I'd break your legs?"

Bucky huffs out a bitter laugh. "Actually the last I heard on the matter you said you'd kill me if I hurt her but we'd be ok. Way to send mixed messages by the way buddy."

Sam can't sit still any longer. This whole experience is surreal. God, he needs a vacation. He strolls over to the kitchen, filling a glass with water for himself and another for Buck. He places the second glass in front of Bucky and backs up to lean on the counter, careful not to hover.

He takes a long drink, draining half the glass in one go as Bucky just stares at his.

“How was New York?” Bucky eventually asks.

Sam shrugs. “Went okay. No one is quite ready to call Captain America a liar to his face, even that piece of shit blowhard.”

That earns him a small smile from Bucky. “You think it’ll hold?”

“Well, they’ve got Pepper, Rhodey, Hill and Fury against them. I’m not sure much could stand up to that team long term so I wouldn’t worry about it.” Sam replies. Bucky isn't going to succeed in changing the topic, but maybe going the long way around will help.

They drop back into the silence. “I think Shuri is gonna let me go in a few days. The deprogramming seems to be holding.” Bucky finally says, still staring unblinkingly at his water.

Sam sighs. “You ready to come back to Delacroix?”

Bucky makes an uncomfortable-looking face, a strange cross between constipated and in pain. “I-I was actually going to go back to New York. Haven’t been home in a while, you know,” he says carefully.

Sam frowns.

“Alright Barnes, cut the crap. My nephews have been worried about you, Sarah is worried about you. What are you thinking-”

“I’m thinking that maybe this is the time to let it… let it die.” Bucky interrupts, eyes flicking up to Sam, a hard look on his face.

Sam just stands there, gaping at him for a minute.“The fuck do you mean, let it die?”

That unearthly stillness that Bucky usually carries in his frame starts to fray. He stands up, pacing to the window. “Sarah and I had a fight the night before I agreed to let Shuri do the deprogramming,” he says, then just leaves the sentence hanging.

“Yeah, the whole goddamn world could have guessed that." Sam prompts. "You’re stubborn as hell. If she got you to reconsider it wasn’t with sweet nothings whispered into your ear.”

Sam watches the tips of Bucky’s ears go a little bit red as he ducks his head at that. He really doesn’t want to know any details about whatever memory that triggered. Bucky still doesn't continue.

“So what, are you angry with her?” Sam asks.

“What? No! Of Course not!" Bucky responds, turning to face him. He still looks weary and a little… lost.

"She said… she said she didn't think I wanted this life. That I hadn't gotten to choose it and so I was too comfortable throwing it away." Bucky mutters staring at the floor.

Sam frowns in confusion. That was harsh. Probably entirely truthful, but harsh nonetheless. And Sarah said he was tough on Buck.

"Ok…" Sam prompts again.

"She said I needed to think about what I wanted to live for. What future was worth fighting for because without that I'd always be … stuck." Bucky goes quiet again and Sam's frown deepens.

He doesn't get it. Doesn't get what Bucky is trying to tell him. "Ok, so you did that and decided that she isn't in that future?" Sam tries, keeping his voice as flat and without judgment as possible.

Bucky doesn't look at him, just keeps staring at the floor between them, the expression on his face pained. Sam watches him clench and unclench his teeth, the muscle in his jaw jumping. But still, Bucky says nothing.

It's Sam's turn to pace. He pushes up off the counter, walking closer to Bucky as he rubs at his temple. He's tired and stressed and he's been through too much in the last 3 weeks to play decoder with Bucky and his-

He comes to an abrupt stop beside the couch. The gears in his mind grinding to a halt so suddenly he thinks you should be able to hear them shrieking.

He turns to face Bucky, eyes tracing over the tight lines of his body as astonishment slides in under his skin, under his breastbone, and behind his eyes. How had he not seen it before? How had he not noticed?

“You’re in love with her.” he breathes out, the acknowledgement hitting like a brick. Bucky goes absolutely still as Sam stumbles back a few steps, sitting heavily on the arm of the couch.

“That’s what this is about. You’re in love with her and you’re afraid.”

“Look at me Sam, look at me?!” Bucky's voice is raspy, hollowed out. Sam lifts his gaze and meets Bucky's eyes.

“I’m a mess. On a great day, I’m a fucking mess. Most days I feel like I'm barely holding on to who I am because of what I am. On a bad day?” Bucky looks back out the windows, eyes going unfocused. “I shouldn’t be in love,” he whispers flatly. “What right do I have to get this after all the carnage I have caused. What right do I have to bring someone else into the hell that is my life.” He sighs then and leans back on the window, sliding down the glass to sit on the ground. The movement is slow, achingly so, making him look every one of his 107 years.

Sam slips from the arm of the couch coming to sit on the ground facing Bucky.

“This isn’t you Buck." He whispers. "This is the deprogramming and the night terrors. This is the lack of sleep and bone tiredness talking. This isn't you."

Bucky laughs, the sound empty. "Isn't it? Are you sure about that? Because I'm not."

"The two of you have been going great. You haven't been afraid before now, is this all fallout because of what happened, because Buck, you can't let that asshole Novikov take her from you."

Bucky lets out a slow breath, tilting his head back against the glass and staring at the ceiling, face blank. "Too good. It's been too good." He mutters and the last piece of the puzzle falls into place for Sam.

"She told you, didn't she? She told you she loves you."

Bucky's eyes flick down to his, expression sharp. "She told you what she was going to do?" Bucky asks, suspicion clear in his tone.

Sam shakes his head. "She didn't have to. You forget I've known her a lot longer than you have. I know what my sister looks like when she's in love."

He has one of those moments where he wishes Steve were there because he feels he would know what to say to help. But that's not really true. He'd watched Steve stumble through enough of these conversations to know he would be just as lost. Not that it matters. Steve's gone now. Left them both.

"It was fine when it was just you, right? When you'd be the only one risking anything? But it’s different now you know that she’s as far in as you are.” Sam mutters.

Bucky’s staring at the ceiling again, face blank. “That’s not it. I’m not afraid. I’m just seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time.” he mumbles.

Sam’s lips twist into a rueful smile. Clearly? Bucky hasn’t been this muddled in a year. “You know I almost flunked out of Pararescue training?” Sam asks, trying a different tact.

Bucky looks over at him, frowning confusedly. Sam nods slowly, looking down at his hands.

“I got referred by my prior C.O. Spent 2 days in the air over the course of the first week and decided it was not for me. I mean, it was madness, right? Jumping out of a plane with nothing on but some wings someone else had made?”

Bucky smirks. “That’s real hard to believe, Sam. You’re a natural.”

Sam shakes his head. “Nah, Riley was a natural. Took to the skies like a duck to water.” Sam can still hear the excitement in Riley’s voice after his first jump. How he could barely catch his breath to talk because all he wanted to do was laugh and grin.

“Went back to my C.O. Told him thanks for the recommendation but… I couldn’t do it. He fed me this bullshit story about how some scientist somewhere had done some experiment, right? That they gave a group of people some glasses that flipped the world upside down.” Sam looks up at Bucky to find him staring back at him, blank look retreating, intense blue eyes focussed.

“The first two days everyone was walking around bumping into things, begging to be let out of the experiment, but by the end of the third day, they had all adapted. Their world was normal again. He told me to give it three days, and I did.”

Bucky purses his lips and looks away, letting the meaning of the words sink in.“You realise you’d already been there for more than three days, right? You said it was the end of the first week.”

Sam huffs out a tired laugh. “Man, do you ever get tired of being a pain in the ass?” he asks.

Bucky slips into that small, sad smile he wears so well. “All signs point to no,” he mutters back.

“It’s been a long fucking month, Buck. I’m not saying you’re wrong or you’re right, but… just give yourself a moment to adapt to your new normal before you go making any drastic decisions.”

Bucky doesn’t respond for a while, but then he nods slowly, still refusing to look at Sam.

“And honestly, Buck, no jokes this time. Whatever happens, I’ll still be here. You don’t have to be alone.” Sam says as clearly as he can.

Bucky finally looks back over to him. “Guess Steve was right leaving me to you.”

It’s Sam’s turn to look away, laughing. “Nah. He left us to each other,” he replies easily.

“We’re probably giving the punk too much credit. Like he ever thought ahead in his whole stupid life… but… the same goes for you, you know. I’ll be here as long as you need me, for whatever that counts as.” Bucky says.

Sam looks up at him, their eyes meeting and he can’t help but smile, relaxing the tension a little. “So you love her, huh? You realise she’s just a less pretty version of me. This is tantamount to you declaring your undying love of me.”

Bucky lets out an honest to God laugh. “You ever get tired of being so in love with yourself?” he fires back.

Sam shrugs, pushing himself up off the ground and reaching a hand out for Bucky. He looks at it a moment before he grabs on and Sam pulls him to his feet, wrapping one hand around his shoulder and leading him back to the couch.

“Well honestly, someone has to be.” Sam jokes.

Bucky laughs again

[illusionsofdreaming]

what kind of characters are your type?

To answer this question I had to look into the deepest, darkest depths of myself. And it was an absolute dumpster fire in there. 

Course, I could’ve just taken the easy way out and list out several characters I like but why do that when I can try to psych myself out by analysing why?

So without further ado...

my favorite character types:

Let’s get the simplest one out of the way first which is: Character visual design

This only applies to characters which usually have some sort of canon visual design (eg. anime, manga, webcomics, games. For now characters from books will be excluded.) 

I’ve picked a few good boys as examples but as you can see, I seem to have a preference for two types of designs: wavy hair and redheads. 

Wavy hair group:

is that bedhair or natural curls? sometimes look like they’ve never showered in 80982638 years but still hot. only works in anime. rain only makes their hair look better. 80% chance they smoke. usually darker hair. 200% tired. probably looks kind of dead inside. also can look evil/assumed evil but actually baby. wow they already look good but when they pull their hair back-ASDLAKSJDLKJ. I want to run my fingers through their hair. btw those curls can’t be replicated in rl. short, medium, long lengths, all of them please.

Redheads:

red.

With that out of the way, let’s move on to the good stuff. Character personalities.

Did I just make a shitty meme for this? Yes. Yes I did.

Obviously that’s not the real selling point of these babies. 

It’s also not everyone but I specifically chose these few as an example because they are also part of a group I’d like to call “boys with unassuming/disagreeable reputation but psych! they’re actually super smart” group.

Please, let me elaborate.

These characters usually have two sides. The public face and the ‘real’ self. Now, a lot of characters have two faces but the characters I end up liking are those who’s ‘public face’ is perceived negatively or extremely ‘harmless’ that they’re often underestimated/looked down upon. 

Their fronts are actually a defense mechanism - a repellant if you would - to discourage others from investigating too close and hide their vulnerability. Because most of these babies have been through so much.

Virion’s flamboyant, braggart, flirtatious front masks the fact he still feels so much about the fact he’s been forced out of his country, watched his people die and continue to suffer their wrath for what they perceived as his ‘cowardice’ when he was just as much of a victim as anyone else. 

Cale who insists he is trash because theres injustice in this world and if he’s trash he might as well break all the rules and mould the world as he sees fit. If only to create a world where people can live without regrets then he’d be the trashy one and point out the flaws in the system and correct it himself. Trash don’t follow rules anyways. 

Kenshin who clings to an easy-going, happy-go-lucky, very non threatening persona as he tries to live day by day, atoning for the sins of his manslayer past which haunts his every step.

Claude is known as the schemer. A person who’s nonchalant attitude makes reading his intentions hard. Untrustworthy. A person who’s willing to use any and all kinds of underhanded tricks to win. Because that’s how he had to survive back home, when he had to fight his brothers to survive. He learned to keep a facade because the wolves are vicious and unforgiving once they smell blood. Despite his childhood, he only had one simple wish, grander than others. To open the borders, so that everyone can be treated as an equal. 

Venti literally wore the face of his dead friend for over 2,000 years, need I say more?

I would go on and explain more but I think you get the gist of it. Perhaps what separates them from others is the fact they don’t care to change what others think, almost welcoming bad rep because it helps one way or another to be unnoticed and underestimated.

Because guess what. All of them are incredibly smart/skilled. It’s sexy. Despite their skillsets, they would choose to withhold from abusing them and accept abuse society throws at them instead. Well not entirely, they do have a line, it’s just more tolerant than others but boy, if it is crossed... 

Perhaps it’s because I’m a writer, these characters just naturally attract me because their duality has so much potential I can angst about. 

Anyways, that seems to be majority type of characters I go for. There��s also a small group of emotionally constipated characters such as Saizo from Fire Emblem Fates and Gilbert Nightray from Pandora’s Heart. These characters who are fluent in communicating in grunts and glares, have the emotional range of a brick, gets offended if they’re given affection - otherwise colloquially known as the tsunderes.

random outliers:

Tartaglia is... I don’t know. He just grew on me like a stinking weed. He’s a bit on the crazy side but I think I smell something of story - I don’t know much, I feel like I want to know more but whoops. I like him now.

Niles who’s whole personality revolves around being as vulgar and repelling as possible. An angry cat, albeit a justified angry cat. He has so much anger and expresses it so painfully. that I just. can’t. I feel for him.

[olwolo]

I was going to wait until tomorrow since I don't have read-more on asks but ig you can always tag spoilers and just answer whenever you think it's the best so if you want to pls ignore this one and like djfjfjfj answer the one without spoiler I sent u before but LOL SERIOUSLY! I think it was expected for techno to be locked there but why is quackity always so bad when planning stuff against techno... who thought locking him and dream together was a good idea LMFAO but yeah I think c!phil would do a lot for c!techno so I'm pretty sure the techno's will has something about that, I just am not sure if he would want to involve the rest of the syndicate in this, I feel like he wouldn't bc it's his favor and techno is really the most lawful character there, wanting to try to resolve his stuff by himself bc he feels like he needs to. but idk maybe it would happen ?? Or maybe we will have only ✨ rivals bonding moment ✨ who knows really ogkgmgjg

Plus c!techno is also pretty smart and the way he started the conversation with what he wanted from dream, not even phased, yeah,, he knew it would happen lol but also cc!techno really is good and like,,, being unimpressed lol meanwhile c!dream keeps complaining his heart out. The way he groaned when techno called him roommate, just, fucking genius comedy. Everybody joked about that before but man did that coming out of him with dream scoffing made it funnier lmao this is the best bonding moment we had until now pleeeease I want more streams. It's kinda weird bc I try to think about a way for wilbur to be useful now but like,,, none,, although if they use the stasis chamber now (which I had completely forgot bc I'm a fool but ofc he would bc that's probably like the reason he was hesitant to leave stuff on the regular chest and for him to emphasis the "I have friends now" lol) we have plenty of time for wilbur to be relevant to the breakout later so like 👉👈 I too would appreciate a rewind of the 16th chaos boys pls,, it bugs me that dream hasn't mentioned calling the favor directly to techno but man am I excited for whatever they have planned. Techno joking that's his time to be plot relevant is always a good sign, nothing could go wrong really lmao but yeah it's going to be really nice and I'm also 100% ready to be surprised with the turn of events too, they somewhat always manages to do that anyways. Just here trying to think about how relevant was that techno was paying attention to each thing while going into the prison but man was just impressed by the red stone work ig but yeah hehe really exciting !!! Can't wait !!! 🧨

it's like c!quackity thought about putting techno in prison and any other thoughts stopped right there dsfhjk like you put two dangerous people in the same place and you expect nothing to go wrong. this decision is really going to bite quackity and sam in the ass and i can't wait. the way techno referred to his will as having instructions for phil was the first hint that there might be something more going on with the visit and obviously now phil will get involved and at the very least i would expect ranboo and niki to know about the situation if they won't directly take part in whatever will happen next. kinda ironic but i feel like quackity and sam opened a pandora's box when deciding to lock techno up because now phil will want to help his friend (and techno is like, 90% of his impulse control lol) and if dream gets out in the process then he will most likely want to go after quackity, because techno wants dream to tell him everything it will probably lead to the syndicate learning about las nevadas and just chaos overall. bonus points if somehow wilbur gets involved whether by helping phil or becoming the third roommate for more comedic effect.

to me it feels like c!techno went into the prison very aware that it could be a trap and also with the intent of getting info from c!dream. like all the sarcastic comments targeted at sam, the fact that he left his armor and weapons in the enderchest, observing all the redstone mechanisms and pointing out things about them, not being bothered by being locked up. c!techno might come off as like a cartoony character with all the humor he brings to the situation but he's really smart! and now he's locked up with dream, the only other person that knows how the prison works besides sam. and the interactions between techno and dream were so good!! i love the contrast of it. and i also find the fact that c!techno has no idea why c!dream even is locked up really interesting because it means that he still sees dream as just some guy and treats him as a regular human instead of the evil mastermind, something that hasn't happened to c!dream in months and i can't wait to see where that dynamic goes in the future. and just the comedy it brings with their interactions. love it.

[squirrel-moose-winchester]

Girl of My Dreams

Title: Girl of My Dreams

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 3828

Square Filled: Friends to Lovers

Summary: Sleeping together turns into actually sleeping together when a sleepy confession breaks all of Dean’s walls.

Warnings: Fluff, Smut (18+ ONLY), then back to Fluff! Unprotected Sex (wrap it up kids!), Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Masturbation, and Slight Language.

Written for @spndeanbingo​

A/N: Sooo… when I started writing this, my intentions were for it to be so incredibly fluffy it would rot your teeth, but then things took a different turn and now you’ve got something fluffy and smutty. Not a bad combination if you ask me. However, I did get carried away. Like way away! Lol. Oh well! I hope you enjoy it! Happy Reading!xx

Sleepovers weren’t uncommon for you and Dean since the two of you were best friends. You’d always get comments like, “you guys act like you’re dating”, “you guys are such a cute couple”, or “you guys argue like an old married couple.” Eventually, it started to become a natural thing, and those comments no longer affected any of you. Neither tried to deny or rectify the truth.

Dean woke up first, light mossy eyes slowly fluttering open in the dimly lit bedroom, the only stream of light coming through the haphazardly closed curtains. His eyes instantly landed on your sleeping face only inches from his. He couldn’t help but smile. There was no doubt he loved you, but how far that love went, he never thought about it.

“Dean…” you mumbled. Dean’s ears perked at the weak sound of his name. “You’re an idiot,” you continued. Dean chuckled knowing you were talking in your sleep, obviously dreaming about him. It wasn’t a frequent occurrence, but when you did, you always had something interesting to say. Last time you spoke in your slumber, you were apparently a male wrestler, trying to rob a bank. It was bizarre.

“Why am I an idiot?” Dean replied, his voice thick with sleep – deep and raspy. He knew you’d respond. You always did.

“Because…” you voice trailed off, your nose scrunching as you snuggled closer to him, most likely searching for more warmth. It was a little chilly in the room.

“Because what?” Dean asked, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in closer.

“Because you are,” your breath fanned against his neck, sending shivers and goosebumps throughout his body and sending a wave of arousal to his already hard member. He groaned at the sensation, willing to shake the feeling away. The feeling rarely happened, and when it did, he always manages to sate it. You were his best friend; he couldn’t be thinking about you that way. He shouldn’t.

“Dean…” you whispered again, hot breath warming his sleep induced heated skin.

“Yeah, Sweetheart,” he struggled to say.

“I love you.”

A small smile graced his lips as he squeezed you tighter, your words melting him. “I know.”

“No…”

“No?” Dean questioned, moving his head slightly so he could look at you.

“I’m in love with you,” you revealed in your latent state. Dean almost felt guilty, as if hearing something he shouldn’t have. “I’m in love with you, you big dummy…”

Dean’s stomach began to flip, swirling like a hurricane. He felt his cheeks heat up, and his cock become painfully hard. His senses heightened and he could feel every curve and soft skin of your body pressing against his. As if Pandora’s box was opened. In that moment, he wanted you, needed you. In that moment, he realized that he was in love with you too. All this time you’ve been by his side, and it took him till now to realize it. He really was a “big dummy.”

“Shit,” he groaned, gently pushing you away and rushing into the bathroom.

Once the door was closed and locked, Dean turned on the showerhead to hot, stripping out of his clothes, and jumping in, feeling the lukewarm water pierce his skin before turning scalding hot. Dean altered the water again so it was hot enough to not cook him alive. His chest was heaving as he saw visions of you every time he closed his eyes.

Frustration took over him and he needed to satisfy himself, so he took his thick and heavy member into his palm, pumping slowly before ramping up his speed. He came with your name falling through his lips repeatedly. His release painted the walls as he breathed heavily. He had never come so hard and so much from just his hand before, it was ridiculous. And the fact it was to you.

When he stepped out of the bathroom with a towel hung lowly around his waist, he saw you sitting on the bed, hair messy, and crop top tousled and draping over one of your shoulders from your movements through the night. His eyes were locked onto your form as if in a trance. He bit his lip when your stretched, raising your arm over your head, the motion lifting your top and exposing your soft stomach. Dean growled softly, feeling his cock begin to stir once again under the towel.

“Morning,” you smiled lazily, eyes still half closed. “I’m hungry,” was the next thing you said, making him chuckle. He felt ridiculous for having such dirty thoughts about you, when you were acting as if nothing happened. Completely innocent, unlike Dean… who had gotten himself off at the thought of you. “Make me tea, slave!” You ordered, the same drowsy look on your face, before you fell back onto the used bed.

Dean couldn’t help but eye you up. Your shirt had risen just high enough that he could see your under boob, and immediately Dean was hungry too… but not for sustenance.

“Yeah, sure…” Dean muttered, his voice coming out strained, as if he was being tortured, which he technically was. He wondered how this was happening so fast… and all at once.

Dean quickly shoved on a pair of running shorts, forgoing underwear since he was only staying in house, and heading out of his bedroom and into the kitchen.

By the time the hot water was done, and he was pouring the steaming content into your favorite mug that said, “my house” even though it was his house. The notion didn’t seem as funny as it did before. Now… Dean wouldn’t mind having his house being yours as well. The two of you were best friends after all. You knew everything about him. You’d seen him at his best and worst, and have stayed by his side no matter what. You were his constant. You were his rock. You were his.

“I want Jasmine,” your voice interrupted his thoughts, making him jolt and dropping the Jasmine tea bag into the mug.

Your body made it’s way beside him, your warm skin brushing against his. Your head lulled over, resting on his arm, just below his shoulder because you were that short. His eyes fell on your figure as he watched you gracefully grab the mug, bringing it up to your nose and inhaling deeply, before letting out a content sigh.

He continued to watch you as you brought down the mug to your lips, taking a sip before letting out a yelp. “Hot!” You shouted, setting the mug on the table before covering your mouth with your hand, as if that was going to do anything.

Dean let out another exasperated laugh, lightly slapping his palm on his forehead. He felt utterly ridiculous. He’d been around you for so long, seen you do stupid things so many times, and yet… he hadn’t realized just how adorable you were. Just how much you filled his heart like no one else did. How could he have not noticed before? How could he be that fucking stupid?

When he looked over at you again, you were looking up at him with that annoyed pout you always did. God, he wanted to kiss you, and then without thinking, he leaned in and did just that. Sealing his lips to your unsurprisingly soft ones. When he pulled away, a dreamy sigh left your lips and before he knew what was happening, you were on your tippy-toes, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down for another.

Dean groaned into the kiss, his arms easily encasing your figure and pressing it flush against his. The kiss became desperate, and Dean bent his knees and lifted you off the ground, your legs wrapping themselves around his taught waist.

“Bed,” you manage to say against his lips, and Dean wasted no time in following orders, especially when it meant he would get to kiss you like this all day.

Dean dropped your bodies onto the bed, eliciting an excited squeal from you. You giggled before Dean covered your lips with his, slanting perfectly over yours. He grinded his hips between your legs, the sweatpants you were wearing doing little to hide the heaviness and largeness of what Dean had been blessed with below the waist.

You moaned at the feel, allowing Dean to shove his tongue into your mouth, tongues languidly caressing with one another. Just the kiss alone was enough to make your eyes roll back and take every breath away from you. Unable to breath, you shoved Dean away, gasping for air. Instead, he moved his lips to your neck, licking, nipping, and sucking, searching for your weak spot.

It was the sound of your shaky inhale that alerted him that he had found the right spot, worrying the area until it was prominently red. “Dean,” his name fell through your lips like a purr, the sound driving him more crazy than he already was. He wanted to hear it again. Needed to hear it again.

He trailed his lips down to your exposed shoulder, yanking down your shirt until one breast was fully exposed. Without wasting any time, he took your nipple into his hot mouth, shoving as much as he could take. He sucked hard, his tongue fiddling with your hard nub, causing you to arch your back. “Dean!” You breathed again, this time a little more winded.

Dean didn’t relent, ripping your shirt in half like a savage and tossing the ruined fabric behind him so he could get to your other breast. He gave the same treatment as he did the other, and his hands gripped your waist, keeping you still so he could have his way.

“Please,” you begged, the word coming out strangled. Releasing her nipple with a wet pop, his eyes met yours briefly, both of you sporting lust blown looks.

Dean dragged his tongue down your torso, circling around your bellybutton, which resulted in you bucking your hips to his, rubbing against his strained cock, making both of you moan. Dean slithered lower, leaving a trail of wet kissed down to the soft elastic of your sleeping pants. In one swift motion, Dean was on his knees, peeling your pants off of you and dropping it somewhere in the room, delighted to find out that you weren’t wearing panties. Dean groaned as his cock twitched. Regaining some composure of what little he had left, he resumed his position, and he could feel you shaking. You wanted this. You wanted it so bad, and Dean could tell.

His vision locked on your bare, soaked, pussy, deliciously waiting for him to devour it. “Fuck,” he exhaled, the warmth of his breath grazing over the heat of your needy cunt.

“Please,” you begged again, rolling your hips upwards in hopes you’d reach his mouth, but to your disappointment, Dean just held you down. “Dean, please. I need you!”

Dean groaned, watching your strung out expression, reveling in the thought that it was all because of him. Knowing that he was the one driving you crazy. With new found confidence and hunger, Dean flattened his tongue against your folds and lapped up your pussy, starting from the bottom all the way up to your clit with a playful flick.

Your body convulsed in surprise as a loud moan filled the room. The sound was heaven and Dean needed to hear it over and over again, so this time, he wrapped his mouth over your clit, sucking and teasing it with the tip of his tongue. Slowly but surely, he was making you fall apart, just like the thought of you made him fall apart during his morning shower.

The more Dean continued to taste and lavish your increasingly sensitive pussy, the louder you became. He never pegged you for the loud type, but it did nothing but spur him on. A sweet serendipity. By the end of his ministrations, he wanted you screaming his name. He wanted his neighbors to know who you belonged to, who made you feel this good, that he was the only person that could tear you apart in the best way possible.

Seconds later you were shaking under his face, your juices spilling into his mouth while your hands tugged on his hair, trying to pry him off. You were so overly stimulated that it was too much, but Dean didn’t falter, continuing to ride out your orgasm with slow strokes of his tongue against your clit, delving into your vagina now and again.

Your body continued to twitch under his ministration, your hands still locked in a vice grip in his hair. By the time your body simmered down to deep breathing, Dean pulled away, a warm smile on his lips, which was covered with your slick.

Your eyes met and instantly you both knew things were different, but it didn’t feel alarming. Instead, it felt peaceful, as if everything was now right with the world. Like what was meant to be finally was.

You watched intently as Dean got off of the bed, his eyes raking over your body. The massive tent in his pants made you bite your bottom lip, anticipation adding pressure to your core and making the butterflies go from a flutter to a downright whirlwind in your stomach. From what you could see, he was huge.

Dean shoved his shorts down, exposing him in all his glory. A gasp left your lips and you felt your pussy pulse at the sight. Dean was gorgeous and well endowed, much more intimidating that you thought he’d be. There was no doubt in your mind that Dean would end all men for you.

No words were shared as Dean crawled back onto you like a predator, his hips resting perfectly between your legs, his cock pressed just as perfectly between your folds. Dean’s lips connected with yours in another heated kiss, both your hips gyrating against each other, his cock teasing your pussy delectably as his tip brushed against your clit with purpose.

You purred under him, your hands roaming down to grip his ass, but as quick as they found their purchase, they were above your head, each of Dean’s hands threading through yours, lacing them together.

With one final suck of your tongue, Dean pulled away from the kiss, his hair disheveled and lips swollen, just like yours. He slip your hands down to either sides of your head, pushing himself up as his eyes drank you in. Dark emerald orbs moved from your own, tracing down to your lips, over your perky breasts, then down your torso till they landed on your pussy, where his leaking head was waiting at your entrance.

“Please,” you pleaded for the millionth time. “I need you inside me.”

Your whimpers were a challenge of it’s own, testing Dean’s self control. It was already a thin line, barely hanging by a thread. It was such low hanging fruit that you could simply pluck it off and toss him into blind lust, but he was determined to behave himself, even just a little. He wanted his first time with you to be more than just feral need. He planned on dragging this out, mesmerizing your body, making up for lost time, apologizing to you for making you wait so long for him. He was going to show you how much he was in love with you.

Dean groaned, eyes rolling back, as he slowly entered you. Both of you watched as your pussy engulf his massive cock, his member unable to submerge all the way in. Dean’s eyes met yours, noticing the need in them and pushed himself in deeper, seeing just how much you could take. Your eyes rolled back while your head dropped to the mattress, a string of cuss words filling the room. Dean stopped, holding himself there, waiting for you to adjust.

“Please, don’t stop. Put it all in. All of it, please!” Your plea ended up sounding like you were crying, and you were. You were desperate to have all of him. To take all he had to offer. “Please!”

Dean growled, his control about to snap. At that point he knew what kind of lover you could be. One who likes it a little rough. One who likes a little pain with the pleasure. Giving into your will, Dean pushed in, trying to force the rest of him in, his tip already pressing against your cervix. You cried out, tears slipping down your cheeks before disappearing. Dean noticed the tears but continued to burry himself to the hilt.

“Fuck,” he huffed. Dean could see the bulge in your stomach, the sight enough to almost make him lose it. “I can’t,” he gritted, “Sweetheart, it won’t fit.”

“No!” You shouted. “Don’t stop, please. I need all of it.”

“Fuck,” Dean hissed. He was definitely in love. Following your orders, Dean pushed himself in, fighting the barrier to shove all of him in. In the end he was too big. “Shit, baby, I can’t.” Before you could say another word, Dean rammed against your already stuffed cunt, hitting his head roughly against your cervix, earning a loud yelp from your parted lips. “Baby…” his voice came out low and gravelly, maybe even dangerously. “I told you, I can’t fit it all in.” He rammed against you again, a sharp cry ringing through the room as more tears were shed. “My giant cock can’t fit in your tiny little pussy,” he hissed, as if scolding you yet taunting you.

You were at a complete loss for words, and Dean took it upon himself to pull out, then slowly push back in, using all his weight to push as much as he could inside of you. It had already been established that he wouldn’t fit, but that didn’t stop him from trying with every thrust. You sang every time, your sweet moans driving him near insane.

His thrusts went from slow and deep, to steady, deep and rough. You were screaming in bliss, your pussy tightening around him with ever plunge. No one had ever filled you up so full before, and no one had ever made your body sing like he did. Every thrust bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

With one particular hard thrust, Dean forced as much as he could, not stopping until he pushed you up the bed a little. A scream tore from deep in your chest and suddenly you fell apart, your body violently trembling beneath him. As you fell apart, Dean did nothing to retreat, only continuing to shove himself deeper, even if it was no use.

He grunted, reveling in the feel of your sweet cunt pulsing around his dick. You were so fucking tight, and so fucking perfect. Dean felt as if he was losing his mind, and maybe he was. He pulled out and your body jumped at the emptiness.

You opened your eyes and met Dean staring down at you. “Turn over for me, Sweetheart,” he ordered, his voice low and sensual. Just the sound had your pussy clenching around nothing.

Obeying his wishes, your turned over on your stomach. You felt his soft lips against your shoulder and back and then back up to your earlobe where he took it into between his teeth, tugging softly. “You ready?” Dean asked.

“Fuck me, please.”

Once again, Dean filled you up. You screamed as your eyes rolled back. Dean slipped his arms under yours, his hands wrapping around your throat gently, adding a little pressure as he continued to slowly pump inside you.

Dean was trying to control himself, wanting to feel your smooth walls slide over him. He wanted to mesmerize the feeling, lock it into his memories forever. Wet. Warm. Fucking tight!

“Harder,” you gasped as Dean met your cervix with every thrust. “I need it! Give it to me harder!”

As if something snapped inside of him, Dean’s grip on your throat tightened, cutting off your airway slightly as he slammed into you. He was so deep, so overwhelming and overstimulating that you were already coming, squeezing him so tight that it almost hurt.

Dean grunted, trying to fuck you through your orgasm but was suddenly met with his own. His hips pressing flush against your ass as he filled you up. Your eyes rolled back, your entire body falling limp as you felt him gushing. You had never had anyone come so much inside you that it dribbled out of your pussy as he still came, ropes and ropes of his seed. It was mind blowing.

Your body fell completely limp as Dean continued to ride out his high. Dean wasn’t sure if you had passed out or not. “You okay there, Sweetheart?” He asked, releasing your throat but keeping himself lodge inside of you.

“Fuck,” you moaned, having a hard time breathing with his weight on top of you, but you didn’t dare say anything about it. You liked his weight. Welcomed it. “That was so fucking good.” Dean chuckled, slipping out of you and making you gasp. You could feel clumps of his seed dribbling out of your vagina, the sensation making you smile.

You turned your head to the side, meeting Dean’s gaze. He was smiling back, his eyes blazing with something you’ve never seen before. You could tell he was happy, but the way his eyes shined, you knew it was beyond that. Your own lips stretched wide, marveling at the man before you.

“I love you,” you blurted.

“I know,” he grinned.

“No. What I mean is that… I’m in love with you,” you clarified.

“I know,” his grin only widened. “And I’m in love with you.”

A dopey grin spread across your face, your eyes closing with contempt. You’ve loved Dean forever and now you knew he felt the same way. “Since when?” The words slipped out.

“Honestly… I think I’ve loved you even way before I met you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You giggled, unable to understand where he was getting at.

“You’re the girl of my dreams,” he revealed, pearly white teeth on display as he smiled, waiting for your reaction to his hopelessly cheesy confession.

A string of giggle left you, eyes squinting close before your eyes locked on his. God he thought you were beautiful. A fucking goddess.

“Dean Winchester, you are one sappy son of a bitch.” Dean boomed with laughter, an arm snacking under you back and hauling you above him so that you were straddling his hip, his cock already hard between your stomachs. It hadn’t even been five minutes. “Wanna know what else you are?”

“What?” Dean asked, watching you flick your eyes downward to his raging boner.

“Insatiable.”

“Damn right I am,” Dean agreed with pride, lifting you easily, readying his cock at your entrance for round two. “Now ride me.”

--

A/N: If you liked it, please reblog and leave some feedback. Reblogging is the only way to help me get my fics to reach more readers, and feedback pretty much feeds my writing soul! And I would really appreciate the love! xx

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2486

today was a really good day.

joel got his cast off and is now in a boot that he can take off for things. yay!

graduation was fuckin hot. but it was wonderful! it was at the baseball stadium in manchester, and the graduates (we) were sitting on chairs on the field. in the sun. in black polyester gowns and hats. thankfully there was a breeze, and it didn't go the full two hours i had anticipated it being.

and honestly, it was really cool. when i graduated from UNHM, it was a standard-faire 4-year-university graduation. this one recognized the hard work of each student and the diversity in the graduating class, took pride in it. and that was really beautiful.

but back to the beginning.

directions were unclear tbh. once i found where i was supposed to go, i made my way down a long/ass hill to the check-in point for students. after checking in and stopping by the ptk table to grab my cords, i went to the table next to it, and i was given this envelope. inside was a medal that was placed around my neck by the person handling the packets. a bright smile on my face at my second-ever medal, i went and found my seat on the other side of the field. after a bit of curiosity, i opened the packet. i found a letter inside. the letter was from the school. (obviously.) but what it said i was humbled by.

the letter told me that i had been given the recipient of the academic excellence award for the math and physics department.

i could tell by the nomination blurb that i had been nominated by dr. noah. i read the letter four times, and i looked at my medallion, and i cried. i called my aunt who had called me a minute before and i told her and my mother about it. my mom cried too.

the commencement speaker spoke about her experience as an ICU nurse and as a air force national guard medic helping distribute vaccines. but what i really got from her speaking about her experiences in nursing dealing with covid-19 was that humanity is resilient. people are hardy. we as communities are built stronger than the challenges we face. and sure, shit gets hard. we've dealt with a global pandemic, a wildly and debilitatingly traumatizing event, and come out on the other end. maybe a little worse for wear, maybe a lot worse for wear. but we've come out the other end. we as individuals and as communities will persevere, regardless of what we face. more than ever, i felt that. and that had me in tears.

we had all been given pieces of paper with our names on them and we had been lined up in alphabetical order by seat (i was by where the shortstop would be), and as we went up to receive our "diplomas," we were to give the person who called the names the paper so they knew who we were as they announced us going by. president bicknell handed out the folders and congratulated us each as we went by. as i walked down the first base line, i saw both dr lamontagne and dr eckhardt sitting in the front row of the professors! they waved and cheered as i walked by, and i waved and smiled back. i made a heart with my hands at them, and they made hearts back!! i love them so much. i'm so glad they were there.

we were stopped for photos at first base, and were sent walking back around to our seats.

tassels changed, lots of applause, leaving the field row by row, albeit a little slowly. that was because there were things we needed to pick up on our way out: namely alumni sweatshirts and our diplomas! i walked out with lots of sweat, new cords, pins, a medal, a letter and certificate of achievement, and my diploma. how fucking cool is that. it was so nice to feel like my hard work and stress and consternation was validated, that it was all worth it in the end. because it really was. it still is. and i'm so excited about that.

we went to olive garden after, and my parents gave me a short note and a pandora charm for my bracelet, one with a graduation cap with a floppy tassel on a stack of books. it's perfect.

joel and i headed home after that, him plopping on the couch and me resting a little bit before heading out to paint like any other tuesday evening. i finished up the flamingo i started a few weeks ago for lisa for mother's day! finally. i'm excited to see how it'll turn out. i got to show hannah and casey my medal too! it's so cool. i took a picture of it and sent it to a bunch of people on snapchat, and andrew sent back a message saying "good job Zuko!!" i said, "why am i zuko" and then, "is it because i'm bad at being good or is it because i'm really awkward" and he just sent back, "HONOR" and i lost my shit. just absolutely lost it. i totally didn't even realize that. it does say "honor" on it, so it makes sense but i totally missed it.

after dinner hannah brought out her gift for me. i must include three things: (1) at this point i was very tired, (2) i cry when i get tired, and also (3) i cry over cute things.

so it's no surprise to anybody that i broke down sobbing when i opened this box with a fuzzy stuffed frog with a graduation cap and a flower. like, i couldn't stop the tears. wiping them away just made my face wet. and then i read the card that he was holding, and i cried harder. i managed to cry a little less hard, and then i opened the rest of the box to find graduation socks (more tears) and an envelope that had stickers of adorable animals who were graduating or studying (even more tears). i just cried for a solid like, seven minutes. and then i cried some more when i got back in the car! because what would it be without tears.

his name is harold.

(i even did some homework before obsessing over scheduling for unh for the fall. amazing.)

(and the fact that joel was there with me through the whole thing, even though he doesn't really see it as a big deal, it meant a lot to me that he was there for me. and i'm grateful he came along.)

i'm just happy. time for sleeping.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[foolishlovebugbaby]

ten-thousand miles gone

prologue

summary: they say time heals all wounds, but the one left by han jisung on your heart is one that you still treat tenderly. alternatively; han jisung reappears into your life like a whirlwind, knocking you off of your feet, after leaving you without a goodbye.

genre: angst

warnings: nothing triggering or rated

word count: 6k

note: in my head, the mind map of the way this particular fic ended went in so many directions, but this was very draining to write so i settled on the one that wouldn’t leave you hanging. 

been travelling these wide roads for so long my heart’s been far from you ten-thousand miles gone

In your younger years, life had always seemed to move gradually. Time seemed to be muffled by all the firsts and seconds that came and went like waves, distracting everyone from the reality of growing pains. But college certainly ripped off that bandaid, a cushion no longer supporting your fall into the harsh realities of life. 

Second semester of sophomore year had just ended, so now every college student across the country was making a beeline for the airports and bus stations, with tickets home clasped tightly between hands that were potentially developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Luckily for you, home was two train rides and a taxicab away. But like all your independent adventures of navigating life unhinged, no journey would be complete without twenty-something voicemails from your mother telling you to padlock your luggage and some vague, superstitious advice she read on Facebook. 

[To ma: yes, i didnt forget to pack your scarf and no, im not going to drink ginger and ginseng to ward off bad train spirits.]

[From ma: thank you. suit yourself , you will be bad spirit magnet !]

You chuckle and shove your phone into your pocket, hailing a cab with one hand while the other slings an abnormally large duffle bag over your shoulder. “North-Hill train station please.” You say to the cab driver and shove your luggage into the seat next to you. 

You let out a tired sigh and slump into the pleather seats. Butterflies swarmed your stomach- you always seemed to get them whenever you went back home. Back to the place of some of your greatest and worst memories. Somehow, through the years, the fear of seeing him again in that godforsaken town died down, because the thought of ever being able to see him again at all proved itself to be almost impossible. 

Even a fool knows this, you’re the best thing I’ve got…

You almost choke on your spit when that song comes on the radio. Of course that song had to come on so conveniently in the middle of your trip down melancholy lane. You have half a mind to reach over and turn the radio off, but decide against it when you see the cute old man bobbing his head to it. 

So instead your mind traces its steps back a few moments until all you’re reminded of is him. 

In your head you remember all these great experiences- graduation day, senior prom, camp nights during wintertime and summer carnivals down at the boardwalk. But then your mind tortures you and conjures up these images of what it would’ve been like to have experienced it all with him next to you and suddenly the memories become less fond. It’s treacherous, really, being your own worst enemy. But you learnt the hard way that time slows down for no one. 

When you get to the train station, you move in a daze. The muscle memory of validating your ticket and walking to the platform does all the work for you. And usually that would be a good thing, except now it only allowed you to stay in your head a lot more. It’s funny, really, how everytime you see posters and billboards of his group around you don’t flinch. Not anymore at least. Because you don’t know him anymore, and he’s probably forgotten about you.

Sometimes, you’re convinced he was just a character that your very active imagination conjured up to fill gaps in your life with meaning. But every time you open a picture of the pair of you way back when, you’re met with the reality that he was real. Even if it was just for a short amount of time, he was visible to you. Tangible. And meant galaxies to you. 

[From mama han: cant wait 2 see u back again ! have dinner with us soon xoxo] 

You smile fondly down at your phone once you’re situated in your seat, typing out a reply to the woman you consider a second mom. 

You thanked the universe for still keeping her in your life. Sure, her son would probably be known to you as the biggest jackass to exist for eternity, but she would remain sweet and tender in your heart for longer than that. 

[To mama han: can’t wait to see you too:)]

You don’t confirm your spot at their dinner table, because frankly speaking, the last time you stepped foot in their house was the summer before university when you went to drop off a box of jisung’s things that you found in your room- sweatshirts, t-shirt’s, notes and other miscellaneous items that demanded you remember every miniscule moment spent with him. And since then you’ve found every excuse not to go near that place. You knew it probably hurt the woman whenever you conjured up some arbitrary excuse to not dig in to her incredible cooking, but the finger is to be pointed at Han Jisung and Han Jisung only. Screw him. 

She sometimes tries to address the elephant in the room whenever you do get to talk during her visits at your childhood home. Like It would be great to have you both visit at the same time or Would you like me to call him? I’m sure he’s not busy right now. Yeah, subtle as a gun, but you love her still. 

You’re not one to believe in luck, and if you did you’d actually quite fancy yourself as the most unluckiest person of them all, but you thank the heavens that he’s never been back home the same time as you have. Either that, or you’re just way too good at being further than a 10-mile radius from him. Like last semester break, when you got word from one of your childhood friends that he would be in town so you decided to cancel all your plans of going back home under the guise of going on a group excursion somewhere up north. Obviously, all you did was stay in your dorm and binge watch Gossip Girl for three weeks, but you concluded that anything would be better than having to confront your demons- or demon. Singular.

What would you even say if you saw him? Realistically, not that much. Ideally, you’d destroy him with words. All that pent up anger for him leaving you behind and all the unresolved feelings left to concentrate in an urn you buried deep in yourself exploding like Pandora's box right before him. 5 years passed, and yet you still found it difficult to imagine what a conversation would be like with him again. 

Honestly, you’d tell him to stay a while longer, just so that he’d remain vivid in your memories once he decided to leave again. 

When the taxi cab pulled up in front of your childhood home, you were half asleep and in desperate need of a solid meal. “Thanks, keep the change,” you say groggily as you pass the money to the driver. 

You take a deep breath once you’re out of the car, your duffle bag slung around your frame. It’s been a very long time since you were last here. The months seemed to pile up without you noticing, and now that you think about it, it had been a good whole year that passed. You don’t know where the time went, but you were definitely here now. 

You trudge up to the door, ringing the bell once. “Hey ma,” You say as she squeals and pulls you in for a hug. “I’m glad you’re back in one piece, especially since you ignored my advice.” She says pointedly and ushers you in. “Yeah, well, I guess the train spirits didn’t feel like victimising me today.” She looks at you with her mouth hung open and slaps your arm. 

“Don’t say that!” She’s about to scold you more when your dad enters the living room in his pajama pants. “My daughter finally decides to show her face around here! Send in the doves!” You always knew that you got your flare for drama from your dad. 

“How are you doing sweetie, we missed you.” He gives you a big bear hug and you sigh. “I know, it’s been too long.” 

“There is not enough time in this world to mope around! Now, darling, it’s very late so your father and I are off to bed. There’s some leftovers for you in the toaster oven in case you get hungry,” They both smother you in a hug and you almost suffocate. “We’d love to hear all about your university in the morning. Sleep tight honey.” 

And so you’re left to your own devices. Again. Sighing, you reluctantly head up the stairs and make your way into your old room. A smile finds its place on your lips.

The room is oddly clean- you figured your mother must have emotionally cleaned in here (more than once) during your time away from home. But the walls are still the same ugly navy blue, and your star-print curtains remained planted in front of your windows with planet decorations all over the ceiling to match. Funny. He helped you decorate. Said it made your room feel like the universe was just the two of you.

You didn’t know that what he really meant was that you were his safe place.

You spend a good thirty-minutes unpacking, tinkering around your old room and texting your friends about your trip home. It feels like an eternity passed when you finally decide to listen to your growling stomach and go get something to eat. But you’re picky and nothing in your kitchen seems to entice you enough to devour it, so you swipe your house keys off the kitchen countertop and head to your door. 7-Eleven it is. You’re dressed in a pair of leggings and a pink sweater with fluffy slides to match, but you could care less.

As you walk out of your driveway and head down your street, you pass by his house. The lights are off (of course, since it’s an ungodly 1AM) and it practically looked like a dollhouse. 

You turn your gaze away. 

The walk to the local 7-Eleven is only 5 Hozier tracks away, so you reach there in no time. Your tummy growls when you enter, and you immediately head to the instant section. Hmm, ramen, tteokbokki or pasta, choices choices choices…

You’re too busy pondering to notice the figure clad in sweats and a baseball cap standing frozen at the end of the aisle, gaping like a fish your way. He practically isn’t breathing, but your presence had knocked the wind right out of his chest. 

“Y-Y/n?” He manages to breathe out, and you look around, confused. Did someone just say my name?

Your eyes slowly turn to his figure, and you can barely see who it is from afar. Tan skin can be seen from the collar under his hoodie, and dirty-blonde hair peeks out at the ends of his baseball cap. You feel like you’re seeing things, because you know that baseball cap. You bought it. 

Slowly, your eyes trail over his face, and you feel the air leave your lungs.

Jisung still remembers the last time he saw you. Well, the last time he saw you before he didn’t say goodbye. 

It was a Thursday afternoon, History class had just ended. On the way out, he caught a glimpse of you. He hadn’t seen much of you the entire week, but that was because he was actively trying to avoid you. But there you were, at your locker putting away your books with that puppy-dog expression you always wore whenever you were tired and in need of a good nap. He stood for a few moments, taking you in. Even if your hair was messily up in a bun with a hoodie two sizes too big drowning your frame, he still thought you looked like an absolute dream. He wanted to go up to you and ask you how was calculus? And when you pout and say boring, he would suggest you come over for some hot chocolate and a movie. And you would say yes, with a sleepy, lopsided smile, and his body would feel all warm and fuzzy at the sight of you.

But he doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he leaves his heart by the lockers, and with one last look, he walks away. His jacket does nothing to warm the cold that creeps its way up.

Had he known he wouldn’t get to see you one last time after that, he would’ve watched you for a few seconds longer. Had he known that you would fall sick and stay home from school the day before his flight, he would have told you to take better care of yourself. And had he known that the last time he’d see you would be when you’re drained and tired and down, he would have gone up to you to make you smile, one last time. 

He never stopped recreating pictures of you in his head, fearing the outlines of you would fade. 

Except now, as you stand a mere six feet away, he feels as though you stepped out of his mind and into his world once again. He can see you. You’re there. 

None of the pictures of you that he drew up in his head would ever compare to the way you looked right then. Beautiful, just as he remembered you.

Your name feels like a foreign language when it leaves his lips. 

The air is so thick between the pair of you that it makes everything around him slow down. He sees your eyes move from confusion, to shock, to utter fear and bewilderment, and then to pain. It feels as though a knife impaled his heart when he sees your eyes quiver.

He always loved your eyes. Dark brown, like freshly turned over earth, warmed by the sun. They look at him with sorrow now. 

Your arms drop to your sides and your lips quake, “J-Jisung?” God, he forgot what it was like to hear his name in your voice. He hates that it’s said with so much heartache. 

You run out without thinking twice. 

“Stop, slow down! W-wait!” You hear his voice call out for you, but you continue to run- where? You don’t know. You just wanted to get away. Your feet take you far down the sidewalk, lamp-posts your only source of light at this time of night. 

But you’re not fast enough, and for the first time in a long time, you feel his grip on your arm.

“Let go of me,” You say, your voice already breaking. He breaks with it.

“Y/N listen-” He pants out.

“No, let go of me!” You snatch your arm away from his grip. God, you’re furious. And hurt. And every other emotion there is to feel when you see the person who left you with nothing.

Your raised voice startles the two of you, and you both stand there for a moment, breathless. From running, from shock. 

He doesn’t say anything and just gapes at you, “Well?” You provoke pointedly. “What? Cat got your tongue?” 

“No ‘Hey y/n! How’ve you been? Long time no see since, you know, I abandoned you’.” You say harshly and the knife in his heart twists. 

“I know you’re hurt-” You cut him off.

“Hurt? Hurt? Hurt doesn’t even come close to what I feel, Jisung.” All the words you want to spew get caught in the back of your throat and you fight yourself to keep it together because you don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t want him to catch you vulnerable and raw, because you don’t know if you can trust him with that part of you again.

“Can we please just- can we please just talk?” He begs, and you scoff. “Please?” His eyes plead with you, and you frustratedly run a hand through your hair. 

“So talk.” You cross your arms over your chest and look at anywhere but him. He doesn’t say anything, and each time he tries to, all he does is end up biting his tongue. Where does he even begin?

“I’m sorry,” He croaks out, even though it’s the worst thing to say. 

“Great. All is forgiven.” You’re ruthless, but that’s only because he didn’t show any mercy when he left. 

He searches your eyes, not knowing what he could say to make things right. Or if that was even a possibility anymore. You both stand in silence for a while, and slowly your resolve breaks away.

“Why?” You say, your voice coarse and exhausted. “Why’d you do it? I tortured myself for months- no, years asking myself what I did wrong that caused you to leave me like that. What- was it something I said? Something I did? Please- tell me, I’m begging you,” You’re full-on sobbing now, tears flowing down your face like waves. They twinkle in the warm streetlights and he feels the ground beneath him crumble. The wound he left on your heart was ripped open again, and you couldn’t help but bleed in front of him. “P-please, Jisung. It’s been killing me for so long.” 

Tears leave his eyes, “It wasn’t your fault,” He says softly. 

“Then what was it? Because for all this time I broke myself down, questioning why you left like that. For so long I thought you were mad at me- I thought you became tired of me, bored of having me around. Do you know what that’s like? Tearing yourself apart to find answers you know you can’t answer by yourself?” “Shit, I thought you didn’t need me anymore. Which sucked, because I needed you.” You whisper through ragged breaths and he takes careful steps closer to you. 

“Of course I still needed you- I haven’t stopped needing you, y/n.” His voice is as broken as yours.

“Then why?” Your voice is barely above a whisper and you struggle so hard to not fall to the ground. 

“Do you know what it felt like to wake up one morning, clueless and thinking everything was fine, and then finding out that it was, in fact, not? Do you know what it was like to find out the person you cared for the most up and left you alone and with no explanation- not even a single goodbye? To be desperate to hear his voice again, and wonder to yourself why it was so easy for him to cut you off like that?” He stood right in front of you, so close that he could touch you. 

“I searched for you. I still looked for you in the hallways at school, hoping it was just one of your stupid pranks. I waited in my room for you to climb up to my window again and whisk me away to the park for one of our late-night walks. I called your phone for days, just in case you’d finally get annoyed and pick up. You never did. You never did,” You didn’t notice that your face was in his hands and that he tried so desperately to wipe your tears away, his own streaming down his face.

He sucked in a breath, “I left like that because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get on that plane with you watching. That I would drop everything, all my stupid dreams, to stay in this stupid town for god knows how long with you. Leaving you was the most painful part,” 

“That day I found out I passed the audition- do you remember? You were so happy for me, more happy than I was. The only thing on my mind was the fact that I had to leave everything behind to chase after this dream- to chase after a dream that came true because of you. I wasn’t sure anymore. But you were so sure of me, so ready to see me attain everything we talked about, that the thought of all of that being in vain because of my cowardice ate me up inside. I thought that maybe if I could keep you at a distance- make you mad at me for ignoring you, have you hate me- that it would make it a little easier to let you go of me,” Your lips quiver.

“It wasn’t easy-”

“I know, I know that.” He rests his forehead against yours and squeezes his eyes shut as he hears your soft sobs. “It was so that I wouldn’t have a memory of leaving you behind in an airport. I wasn’t ready to have that image in my mind haunt me. I’ve regretted it everyday. You have to believe me when I say that.” 

“Then why didn’t you call back? Or even send a message?” Your eyes search his for answers as you pull your forehead away from his to get a clearer look.

“I thought you hated me. That you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” 

“Bullshit. You thought wrong.” Angrily, you push at his chest with closed fists and shut eyes, “You thought wrong,” You push him away until you’re no longer in his grip. “Let me go,” You whimper when he tries to reach for you again. “That doesn’t justify why you left me like that. I felt like I meant nothing to you for so long. You threw me away like I didn’t mean anything- made me feel like I was insignificant.”

“You meant everything to me!” He shouts out, shocking you into silence. “Don’t you see it?” When you only stare at him in confusion, he sucks in a breath. 

“The mere thought of leaving you was enough for me to think twice. Sitting with you in French class and giggling because we didn’t understand a word, spending so many nights with you in your ridiculous dinosaur onesie, getting to walk around aimlessly until 4am in this godforsaken town as if time wasn’t fleeting- I-,” He runs a hand over his face, frustratedly wiping his tears away. “I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I didn’t want to miss graduation, the day we looked forward to since grade school. I didn’t want to facetime you on prom night while you look so goddamn beautiful, knowing that someone else would be getting to slow dance with you. Knowing that I wouldn’t be there, that I would be missing out- that I would be missing you every goddamn day made me realise I wouldn’t be able to last without you.” 

“Selfishly ripping you apart from me felt like the only option. And it was so cruel, I know that. I’m the selfish asshole,” He takes exactly five steps to stand in front of you, and places a hand tenderly on your cheek. 

“I was selfish because I knew I couldn’t have you. I was in love with you, y/n. So fucking in love and you didn’t even know. And after all this time, I still am.” He says that last sentence in a whisper, and before you know it, his lips are on yours.

His mouth is so warm against yours, so tender, and yet they set your skin on fire. 

You pull away and take two steps back. 

“Y-you don’t get to kiss m-me like that, not again,” You say breathless. You’re reminded of sophomore year, and the kiss in his living room that made you feel weightless and lightheaded.

“Y/n-”

“I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” Your heart hammers in your chest and the blood rushes to your face so fast that you swear you’re shivering. His eyes are illuminated by the streetlamps and you see them break right before you, defeated. Yours are no different. 

You walk away, choking back sobs.

He doesn’t try to stop you.

It’s 4PM when you decide to get out of bed. 

Your eyes are practically closed shut from your lack of sleep and you don’t bother to brush your hair, or undrape the blanket around your shoulders when you head downstairs. Your parents are sitting in the living room, oblivious and unassuming, but when they see you they almost go into cardiac arrest. 

“What’s wrong?” Your mother asks tentatively, extremely unsure as to why her daughter looked so abnormally disheveled. “Did you know he was going to be back in town?” You croak out, and she sighs. 

“So you saw him.” She states, and your dad pretends to read the newspaper. 

“Why didn’t you tell me ma, you know what happened-”

“Exactly; everyone knows what happened, and everyone knows how ruined you’ve both been because of it. But nothing’s going to change if you keep sweeping it under the rug. Honey, I know you’re hurting,” She rests a hand on your cheek and you close your eyes at the feeling. “But this is your chance to get closure.”

“What if I don’t want it anymore?”

“Oh that’s a load of cow dung. Look at you; you’re a mess.” Gee, thanks mom. 

She bites her lip and pauses for a second, “What if I told you that during your first year in college, the very first semester you were away, he came back? It was the autumn before things took off for him, and he showed up in town looking for you everywhere, not knowing you had left. I felt so bad, but you’re my daughter, and my first instinct was to protect you because I knew that for the first time in a long time, you were enjoying yourself. So I didn’t give him your new number, said your phone was broken, and he was absolutely heartbroken. I regret it slightly, but maybe this time you both can stop being constantly out of step.” 

Your mouth hung agape and your head spun. He looked for me?

“Don’t leave things like this, you need each other.” She gives you a squeeze, and you sigh. 

She was right. Years passed with so many things left unsaid, so much time gone. And as much as you hated to admit it, you were never going to get that time back. It would kill you knowing that you didn’t take the chance to fix things. You were already broken down to your bones, what’s left to chip away?

You uncoil yourself from your blanket and fling it onto the couch, groaning when you realise you’re going to have to face him again. The events that had elapsed last night were still hard to wrap your mind around, and you found yourself wondering if it ever did happen. You could already feel your heart pound at the thought of it. His words float in your mind ceaselessly; so much so that when you step out of your house, you almost miss the slumped figure on your sidewalk.

He gets up at the sound of your door closing. 

His hair was messy, pointing every which way, and the same clothes from earlier were now wrinkled and crimped. His eyes devastated you. They looked worn down and exhausted, much like yours did. 

“Walk with me?” He breathes out, and you nod. 

Seeing him in daylight is different. As you two walk, you become increasingly aware of exactly how much he’s grown. He used to be only a few centimeters taller than you, but now you only reach his chin. Barely. But his skin is the same golden tan and his cheeks remained full. You’re close enough that you can smell his scent- a scent you didn’t know you missed until now. But in retrospect, you just missed him. 

You both reach the small park in the middle of your neighborhood, and you find yourselves under the big oak tree that he had deemed our spot all those years ago. You look up into his eyes, and for a moment you remember what it’s like to feel home again.

“Do you remember the first time we found this place? You were always so terrible at hide and seek.” 

You find yourself smiling at the memory. He hid from you, behind this very tree, for so long that it had felt like you spent hours searching for him. When you finally did find him, you were angry and upset with him with red cheeks to match. 

“That’s only because you were always so good at hiding from me,” There’s ambiguity that you didn’t intend in that statement, which brings you both back to silence. 

After a while, you gather the courage to speak again. “So about that kiss-” He winces and scratches the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry for catching you off-guard like that last night-”

“I’m talking about the one on your birthday, sophomore year.” His lips squeeze into a tight line and his round eyes stare at you dumbfoundedly. 

“I-I always thought you never remembered that. You never brought it up, so I thought that it was just a mistake.” You fiddle with your fingers and gnaw at your bottom lip, feeling the heat creep to the back of your neck. 

“Y/n, it was never a mistake. I wanted to kiss you- and I did- because I was sick of being confused about my feelings for you.” You look back up at him, “I didn’t bring it up because I was too scared of scaring you away with it all.”

“Well you should’ve, so that I wouldn’t be so confused either.” His expression changes, and you didn’t think it was possible, but it becomes even more defeated than it was a few moments ago. He rubs his face with his face with his hands, leaning against the tree. 

He’s about to speak again, but your lips reach his before he gets the chance.

His soft cheeks rest in your hands as you taste him, soaking in the feeling of his warm lips against yours. This time, for the first time, the kiss lasts longer than a few seconds. 

The sensation sends shivers up your arms and down your spine. When he kisses you back, he kisses you with so much fervour that you’re worried you’ll pass out at the feeling. But his arms grip you tightly around your waist to keep you there, with him, firmly in place. Your mind is fuzzy and your heart beats erratically in your chest when he squeezes your waist. Craving him like this is new to you, and yet you can’t help but yearn for more. 

Where words failed you before, you make up for it in slow dances across his lips. 

“It was worth it, right?” Your question comes as a surprise to him. 

Earlier, when the sun had begun to set, the two of you decided that public parks were not exactly the most ideal place to have a heart-to-heart. So you walked back to his place, hands shoved in to the depths of your pockets, but your shoulders brushing against his with every step. 

The two of you laid face to face on his bed, pillow-width apart. 

“Leaving, yes. Hurting you, not at all.” He answers quietly, his hand drawing circles on the small of your back. 

Under his bedroom lights, you take his breath away. His eyes trace over your features, over every dip and bump of the outlines of your face and he hopes that this vision of you never leaves him. He takes in every mole and freckle on your face like it’s the first time he’s seen them, when the reality is that he always used to map out constellations on your cheeks while you slept. He’s afraid that if he blinks, you’ll vanish again, so he tries to keep his gaze steady on yours, unwavering and certain. The way he looks at you sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy.

“I miss you,” You say, your voice meek and he feels his heart break all over again. “I miss you too.” You both speak in present-tense because even though he could touch you, see you, he knew it would take an indefinite amount of time for the pain of losing so many moments to heal. 

He pulls you into him, savouring the feeling of your embrace. Holding you makes him feel at home, and god knows he’s been away for so long. You nestle into the crook of his neck, and his hands rest under your sweater and on supple skin, willing your pain to go away. 

There are an infinite amount of things he wants to tell you, but he figures “I love you.” would suffice for now. 

Life never slowed down. As much as it felt like it had when you spent your days with him again, the days piled up one by one. And soon enough, time caught up. 

Soon enough, you would need to book your train ticket back to the city, because your three-week long semester break would draw to a close. He would have to book a plane ticket back to glitz and glamour, and the pair of you would wind up in the same dilemma that you were in five years ago. 

Only this time, he never leaves your side during your fleeting time together. This time, he tries to make up for all the lost moments within the span of three weeks. He doesn’t let go of any chance to be with you- to hold you, to touch you, to kiss you. He imprints the feeling of his skin on yours so that you never forget. So that he never forgets. Your eyes are cosmic in the moments that you share intimately, and he soaks up every inch of you so that he never forgets what it feels like to share the same breath. 

He listens to all your stories and all your bizarre adventures with a fond smile, because you tell them with such wonder that it makes him feel like he was there. Your voice is the only one he wants in his head. 

When he drops you off at the station, he doesn’t say goodbye. But not like last time; he doesn’t say goodbye because instead he says I’ll see you soon and Get there safely. When he watches the train pull away from the platform, he prays he sees it soon again because it carries his heart with him. 

He likes to imagine that you send him voice notes of your day and how frustrated you are with you OChem professor. That you send him pictures of yourself, and all the cute little cats you come across during your walks to class. That you send him long letters in the mail like the hopeless romantic that you are. In return, he would introduce you to his members- he knows you’d get along with Hyunjin the best, because you both would like to bitch about him while he’s still in the room. He likes the idea of facetiming you whenever you have the time, and getting to say he misses you, even if it’s only through a screen. He likes to imagine that in every lyric he writes, an essence of you treads in his words, because you’re his only muse. And he envisions the day when he’s finally back in the town where time slows, up in your room where the rest of the world crumbles away and your slates are clean once again. 

But for now he watches as the train becomes nothing but a speck in the distance, waiting for it all to play out.