#like how did NO ONE back in the day think jack was sus. HOW.

[holdharmonysacred]

Been in a Pandora Hearts mood and something I’m wondering now is like. How much of Pandora Hearts actually IS a mindscrew confusing nightmare to read, and how much is actually perfectly comprehensible and people just need to learn to read? I tried explaining the plot to a friend earlier and they thought the summary of the early series sounded unfocused, and i’m wondering if there genuinely are focus issues or if I’m just that bad at summarizing.

Like. Obviously there are parts that are completely impossible to guess in advance, like the plushie part of The Bunny Twist is iconic to me BECAUSE on paper it’s so goddamn absurd even if the actual important part of the twist is possible to cotton on to. But then also like. I did a reread a couple years back, and I want to reread it again, and I cannot stress enough the sheer VOLUME of foreshadowing in the first half of the series that lays the groundwork for the chapters 70-75 hell gauntlet that everyone just collectively yeeted past. It feels like a careful reader should still be able to catch on to the core of the twists - like “x character is sus” or “something’s up with the b-rabbit situation” - even if the specifics are unguessable.

Is it an anime thing? I have to confess that I never watched the anime, for all I know maybe the anime just cut all the relevant Chekhov’s Guns compared to the manga. Or is it just a “most people Can’t Read and can’t pick up important flags” kind of situation? Or am I overestimating the series’s comprehensibility becquae I also know all the answers and can reverse engineer the foreshadowing as I reread? Is it all of the above? Who knows!

[huggybearhughes43]

Haha I am LOVING the Hughes brother series…. Can I just request one with only jack? But not only smut. Some angst too. Like they fall asleep together at the lake house after doing that. And Quinn and Luke find them the next morning but don’t say anything. They just ignore the both of them Nd are super rude towards her, so they all are at family dinner and Quinn speaks up saying stuff towards her basically exposing what she was doing and she gets up and leaves but then you can get the rest!!

Kiss me hard before you go

Jack Hughes x Fem! Reader

Okay I changed up the end cus I might write more chapters but yeah. Also, last part until I clear out my inbox! Here’s pt1, pt2, and pt3

Warnings- All the Hughes brothers x reader, Jack Hughes smut, angst, soft sex, raw dawgin, a lotta crying and not the good kind

Summary- After a long day with the boys, Jack tells the reader that he found a girl he really likes but wants to have one last time with her before him and the girl get serious. Quinn doesn’t take it too well when he finds Jack and the reader in bed together.

Word count- 2.1k

It had been three hours since Trevor and Cole arrived. The two insisted on spending the day on the boat, in which the brothers couldn’t refuse. I sit by myself on the back of the boat with Quinn driving and the other four boys at the front. The noon sun shined on my face, resulting in me putting my book over my face to block the sun out. Quinn stops the boat and makes his way to me without me realizing. The touch of his soft hands on my arm startles me, I take the book off my face and furrow my brows. “What?” He smiles down at me. “You’re sitting on the anchor.” A small “oh” falls off my lips as I stand up.

He drops the anchor into the water and then closes the seat I was sitting on so I can sit on it once again. I grab a towel I packed and lay it out on the back tail of the boat. Before I lay down on the towel I pull Quinn’s shirt off of myself, followed by my shorts. I hear a faint whistle come from Trevor’s way, resulting in me flipping him off before laying on the towel. The boys are in the water in the beat of a heart, but for some reason Quinn stays. I’m quietly reading my book when I feel a presence next to me.

“What’re you reading?” He practically lays his head on my shoulder to look at the book. “I’m re-reading Percy Jackson.” I show him the cover then go back to reading. “Why aren’t you in the water with everyone else?” He moves his head on my shoulder to look at me, “I’d rather be up here with you.” I close my book and look at him, “I wish I never did this” Quinn furrows his brows, “what? Why?” I gnaw at my bottom of my lip before I tell him. “I know you know that I liked you but did you really know how long?”

Quinn takes a breath, thinking for a moment before shaking his head. “No, I don’t think I do.” I stare into his eyes before looking away. “Since the day we met.” I mumble. “Y/n, fifteen years?” I shrug at his words, “now I’ve ruined it.” Quinn’s eyes go soft and he rubs his jaw. “You think about our happiness too much” I look at him and frown, “what?” “I mean, even if you do something that hurts our feelings, we’ll get over it. That’s how much we love you, y/n.” I smile as he talks, “thank you.” We stare at each other for a short moment before Quinn leans in. The kiss was soft and thoughtful.

“Ugh, stop making out.” We jump away from each other, a smile cracking on my lips when I realize it was just Jack. “Could you be any louder?” Quinn shakes his head and Jack scoffs, “could you be any more obvious?” The other boys follow Jack suite, getting back on the boat. Quinn sits with me for a moment more in silence, “just remember what I said, okay?” I look at him and nod before he stands up, joining his brothers back on the inside of the boat.

After the five hour mark, at two in the afternoon, the boat ride was miserable. I didn’t want to say anything because the boys were having fun but my skin felt tight from the sun and the heat was making me nauseous. Luke got back on the boat for a reason that’s unknown and noticed my state almost immediately. “Y/n, are you okay?” My head was leaned back in the seat with a cold water bottle pressed to my neck. “Overheated.” “Still don’t wanna get in the lake?” I shake my head without even looking at him. “I’ll tell the guys, won’t mention your name, promise.” I smile at his gentle words, “thank you, Lukey”

I didn’t know what Luke told them but the boys were back on the boat in minutes. Quinn was behind the wheel, taking us back to the docks. I was the first one who rushed off of the boat the second we were tied to the dock. The sun tight skin was uncomfortable as I rushed inside. I run up to Luke and I’s shared room to change into a tube top and loose shorts to ease the pain of the burnt skin. I sigh as I make my way downstairs, regretting not wearing sun cream. The boys goofed their way into the living room next to the kitchen.

I walk past Ellen and she gasps. “Oh honey, I have cream upstairs in my room. It’ll help the burn, come on.” I nod and follow her back up to the stairs. Ellen was like a second mom to me, she took care of me that way. So when she asked me to take the shirt off I was wearing I did so without second thought. I pulled it off as Ellen grabbed the cream out of her drawers. She rubs it into her hands before smothering it against my sunscreen. My heart skipped a beat when the door swung open. My arms instinctively fly to cover my chest, a huff of almost relief fell from my lips realizing it was just Jack. Ellen scoffs and turns me to face away from her son, “didn’t I ever teach you to knock?” He rubs his neck and shakes his head, “sorry mom, I’ll come back later.” He turns and leaves, closing the door behind him.

Ellen finishes up with my back, my skin already feeling more than better. I put my shirt back on before thanking her and leaving the room. The rest of the day goes as normal as one would think. The boys hung out around the pool while Jim grilled dinner, I stayed in with Ellen so I didn’t harm my skin any further. But what I couldn’t help but notice the lingering stares from the middle brother anytime he comes inside. Even during dinner he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me, which of course Quinn took a notice to. I decided to help with the dishes afterwards, Jack jumping to voluntarily help me.

He stands beside me and I can’t help but speak up. “What’s going on with you, J?” I look up at him. He shrugs, “nothing” I roll my eyes with a soft scoff, “you’re such a bad liar.” He finishes up the dishes and sighs, “if you come up to my room later I’ll tell you-“ “trying to get into my pants?” Jack laughs and shakes his head, “no but that would definitely be a plus if you let me.” I roll my eyes and nod, “yeah, I’ll be up there later.” I dry my hands and sit down on the couch.

Once the boys starting going to bed one by one, I decide it’s my time to as well. Jack mentions that he’s going up to his room and I follow up by saying the same. Jacks already on his bed when I enter his room, closing the door behind me. I sit on the side of his bed with my arms crossed. “Okay, I’ve been going over what I was gonna say and you were right.” He smiles cheekily and I scoff. “But listen! I have a reason.” “Uh huh, and that reason is…?” I look at him with a raised brow. “So there’s this girl, right?” “There’s a girl and you want to get into my pants?” I look at him confused. “Listen!” He urges “I’m listening.”

“I just- before me and her get serious, you know? I really like her, but you- shit I’ve liked you for years.” I can’t help but laugh at his words. He scoffs, “stop laughing!” I pinch my lips to stop myself from even smiling and I nod my head, “fine, fine, okay.” I giggle, agreeing to help him. He smiles and grasps my hips, pulling me onto his lap. “You’re so lucky I love you.” I whisper before kissing him softly, “I know” he mumbles against my lips. It was weird coming from Jack, he was normally fast paced and sloppy but now he was soft. I guessed he just knew that this would be the last time we were able to be together like this.

Jack moves me so I’m the one with my head pressed against the pillows while he hovered above me. His hands pull at my top before pulling it off of my head, his head dipping down to my bare chest. He presses soft kisses all over my chest before sucking faint marks over my breasts. He carefully nips at my nipples, pulling them into his mouth before kissing down my stomach. I never thought I’d see this side of Jack, soft and caring. He loops his fingers in my shorts, pulling them down as well as my panties. Before he had the chance to do anything, I pull him up to connect our lips.

He pulls away for a moment to rid of his own shirt before connecting our lips again. My hands roam over his chest and forth down to rest on his abs. Jack sits up, ridding himself of the rest of his clothes. He presses his head to the nape of my neck before lining himself up. My wetness served as a lubricant, helping him slip inside of me. I let out a content sigh when he bottoms out, causing him to laugh softly against my neck. “Shut up” he smirks against my neck, “yes ma’am.” And before I even have the chance to respond, he retracts his hips and snaps them back into mine. With each thrust, a moan like gasp falls from my lips.

Jack reaches his hand down in between us, pressing his thumb to my clit. With the feeling of him circling my sensitive bud, my cunt clenches around his dick. The feeling makes him groan against my neck, “I’m gonna cum” he whispers. I nod with my eyes pinched shut, “me too.” With just a few more thrusts, he lets go and releases deep inside of me. The feeling sends me over the edge, my juices coating him. I look down at him and when our eyes meet, a smile cracks onto my lips. He slowly pulls out and lays down next to me, pulling me into his arms. I reach down to the floor, stealing jacks shirt to pull over myself. I lay back in his arms. Without another word, we both fall soundly asleep.

The sound of a scoff wakes me up, I look towards the door to see an obviously pissed off Quinn. I look back down at Jack, he was still sound asleep. I look back at Quinn and he looked as if he were trying to kill me with his look. I roll my eyes and stand up, walking up to Quinn to push him out of the room. I follow him quick suits, “what’s your problem?” I whisper yell to him when we both walk into his room. “What’s my problem? Are you just trying to play with our feelings?” I look at him dumbfounded before anger floods my face. “This is the exact fucking reason I said I regret doing this, the reason I can’t date any of you!” “You regret doing it? Then why’d you go and do it again?” I stare at the oldest brother with a disgusted look on my face.

“What happened with what you said earlier? Huh? That even if I hurt your feelings you’d get over because that’s how much you love me? Or were you talking about your brothers forgiving me if I got with you?” His silence gives me my answer and I just shake my head, “go fuck yourself.” I say in a fit of rage before storming out of his room, making my way to my shared one with Luke. Luke’s sound asleep when I rush in, the sound of my heavy foot steps and quiet sobs wake him up.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” He asks, holding his arms out for me to crawl into without another word. He holds he as I cry into his chest, I knew even if I told him that he wouldn’t be mad at me in a million years. But still, if I tried to tell him the sobs would muffle my words and he wouldn’t even be able to tell me. He runs his hands over my hair in attempt to soothe me. “It’s okay, y/n, just tell me later. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise.” My sobs die off as I slowly fall asleep in Luke’s arms. He doesn’t stop his comforting motions until he was sure I was asleep. Luke lays down as ultimately falls asleep with me, still holding me close.

[sabrondabrainrot]

Lunar and Nexus vs Lunar and Old Moon

just wanted to get some thoughts out.

Lunar and Nexus It was bugging me for the longest time why Lunar said "Me and Moon (IE new Moon/Nexus) weren't that close." How were they not close? They were always on screen! They spent time together! They got to know each other. Then I realized. They were in fact not close. They barely interacted. The most interaction was when Lunar was fighting with him over Jack. Or when Lunar asked him to look more into Dazzle...which New Moon proceeded to put that on the back burner for the most part.

They were on screen a lot but never really bonded. When N.Moon was buying a house, at first I thought he was unintentionally excluding Earth and Lunar...but now it seems a tad more intentional? From N.Moon's perspective, I never really thought about it, but when he woke up he was greeted by Sun and Earth. They were the first people he met and basically became his entire world due to Eclipse showing up and making everyone hate them. He got extremely dependent on Sun and spent a lot of time with Earth. Never was interested in getting to know Monty much etc etc. Then BAM this little guy shows up and he's kinda funky with it and now Earth and Sun's attention are away from him. I think N.Moon was flat out jealous of Lunar. Lunar came back and basically everyone seemed to like and accept him. Sun even went out of his way to ask Earth to spend time with and help Lunar. Plus, Lunar already had a strong established bond with others. He talked to Monty easily. He came in and stole Earth away. Sun even started moving away from N.M. to spend time with Lunar too.

Then after buying a house he found out Lunar and Earth needed a place to stay but for some reason wasn't offering? Lunar made multiple statements he didn't want to live alone. So instead of offering his and Sun's space he instead asked Solar to build Jack to protect Lunar and so he wouldn't be alone.

Asking for Jack to be built was always so interesting to me because it kind of gave the vibes of 'pushing it onto something else'. N.M. cared but it seemed almost like he didn't want to be personally involved in keeping Lunar safe/company. Going off of vibes N.M. seemed to see Lunar as a responsibility that carried from Old Moon but never tried being that close to him. It seems they didn't find common ground.

Which is really funny to me, because N.M/Nexus was dabbling in Star Power stuff quite a bit but never once talked to Lunar regarding it.

Now that he's Nexus, he seems to hold an especially strong animosity towards Lunar and I think it's just his own hidden jealousy coming out. In a way he was the baby, Earth treated him as such and they got close. Sun had a habit of bringing of Old Moon and subconsciously comparing both of them but they still had an inseparable bond where Sun took care of Nexus. Lunar took his position as the baby. They stopped holding Nexus' hand in favor of holding Lunar's hand.

On top of that, Lunar had so much main character energy going on. He was coddled and treated special. Nexus probably was pretty jealous about that too. Lunar even had a special bond with Solar like him.

Does he hate Lunar? I don't think so, but I think there's probably some sibling jealousy going on.

Lunar and Old Moon

Old Moon just adores Lunar. It's literally night and day between him and NM. One of the first things he did was Move him and Sun out of the old house and in the process he made sure to find a place just for Lunar too.

The house he bought literally has a pre-installed blanket fort. Fairy lights and all.

While he doesn't want to be involved in Star Power he does check in with Lunar a lot. He's got a lot to catch up on but he's taking time to learn it all. Looking back to how they met and how fast they seemed to snap together, I think O.M. truly wanted a brother he could treasure. We know he still feels a lot of guilt and regret over hurting Sun so much. Lunar and Sun are both compared a lot. Them being so similar I think is part of why O.M. wanted to adopt Lunar as a lil bro so fast. Lunar, this is all my interpretation, in a way was a restart for O.M. He had a brother he could now dote on and love and not hurt. Someone who doesn't have any prior history of him harming them. Plus, O.M. does like to help people on occasion. Saving Lunar from Eclipse is like his own personal 'do over'. He wished he could have saved Sun from himself and by helping Lunar, that in itself is its own wish fulfillment.

He has said on many occasions he is Eclipse.

I've always seen Old Moon's kindness towards Lunar as its own small form of redemption. Again, he holds a lot of guilt so a lot of his own actions, even his kindness, is usually motivated from his persecution/guilt complex.

I'm still catching up on the show so I haven't seen a ton of Lunar and O.M. interactions but I do think he cares a lot Lunar still. He goes to bat for him at silly moments. Like when they were finding the odd smell in Lunar's room, he told Sun it was normal for Lunar to have a palette of Nutella.

He pays attention to what Lunar likes and his favorite foods.

There's also the added factor Lunar does understand O.M a lot too. They shared a headspace and Lunar got very close to him. He's on many occasions talked about how close they've gotten because of that experience. They both also share the same fears and both have sweet tooths.

He's a very sweet big brother. He literally bought the kid a bean bag factory. I'm waiting to see what the future has in store for the both of them.

[2-lines-and-a-circle]

Getting hit by a water gun

Notes: A little kid was racing past you two, decided to shoot you both with their water gun. What is his reaction? 

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts: 

Informs the kid it’s not okay to hit people out of the blue like that. Of course, the kid dislikes getting yelled at and decides to shoot more water at Riddle. Before Riddle can catch them, the kid runs away to their next target. That’s when Riddle notices how soaked you are and uses his magic to dry you both off. 

“Shooting with water guns is not appropriate when you’re attacking strangers. If you want to have fun you must follow the rules of the game, I’m su- *water flies into his face* Heh~ You’ve got quite the nerve kid.” 

Ace Trappola: 

Has a quick flashback to when he used to be that kind of kid and probably still is. Gets an idea and runs into the nearest shop to have his own water gun fight. Calls up the rest of the first years to participate. Losers have to buy everyone a meal at their favorite restaurant. Never drys you off, tells you that the sun will dry if off for you. 

“I’m pretty confident I’ll be sitting in the winner's seat tonight! Hey! Why are you aiming your gun at me like that?!" 

Deuce Spade: 

Thinks it’s Ace at first then notices it was just a little kid. Doesn’t think much of it afterwards but sees how wet the two of you are. Informs you that running will dry you off faster since he heard a rule about it from Riddle a few days ago. The two of you start running along the beach like two idiots instead of two models. 

“Isn’t it nice to run together like this?... Where did you go? *turns his head* _____! Over here!” 

Cater Diamond: 

Checks to see if his phone got splashed before himself, then takes a selfie with you to commemorate such an occasion. You stare in awe as you’ve never seen his hair down before. Cater says the two of you should leave your hair styled like this for the rest of the day. 

“Whatcha think? Leaving our hair like this gives off a totally different vibe than normal.” 

Trey Clover: 

Checks to make sure the two of you aren’t super soaked, much to his dismay both of your clothes are dripping wet. Looks around to spot a nearby store, rushes in to purchase a towel, but just one towel. He’s so busy drying you off that he forgets about his own clothes. 

“My shirt? Don’t worry I’ll try myself off once I’m done getting you all dry.” 

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar: 

Hates getting wet so he’s pretty irritated from getting shot by a water gun. You’re staring pretty intensely at Leona as he looks refreshing as you’ve never seen this side to him before. Asks you to dry him off which is when he notices how you’re both soaked, the two of you decide to walk in the sun to dry yourself. 

“Y’know a way to clean this mess up? … walk around in the sun you say *sigh* let’s find a place to nap then” 

Ruggie Bucchi: 

Doesn’t really mind getting wet as he kind of expected it as he saw the group of kids from earlier. Says that it’s going to be fine and the two of you walk off to the nearest food stall. Due to his reaction the kids came back resulting in a playful reaction from Ruggie as he over exaggerated getting shot from them. Overall reminding him of the kids back from his hometown. 

“Ouch! _____, help me I’m drowning from their attacks! Woah why are you the one taking charge now.” 

Jack Howl: 

Dodges before the water could even touch him, but results in all of the water landing on you instead. Tries to think of the fastest way to get you dried off as possible, fails in response. Eventually you use your own magic to dry off and you use your magic to make a small gust of wind in Jack’s face. 

“Tch, I almost got water on me if I hadn’t moved…? My bad, it seems like all of the water went to you instead.” 

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto:

Thanks to the kid blurring his vision you get the chance to see Azul without any glasses on. You forget about the sticky feeling of wet clothes as you watch Azul clean off his glasses. Once he finishes Azul makes a point that you two need to dry yourself off, so you leave for the NRC. 

“Staying like this is rather unpleasant, who would have thought wet clothes would feel this way. ____, let’s go back to NRC together. I can’t have you staying in those clothes either.” 

Jade Leech: 

Is quite intrigued by the act of shooting water in such a motion, chases down the kid to ask them more questions. As you leave to catch up with Jade you notice how he hasn’t turned into an eel. Curious you ask Jade how and when he turns into one. 

“Curious now, are we? I’ll be glad to show you if you’ll join me in a game of water guns.” 

Floyd Leech:

Also chases down the kid, he too would like to know more about the game unknown to him. Since you were both already wet you two played a few rounds, it was mainly Floyd shooting you though. The only times you managed to get him was when you hid somewhere. 

“__________ !!! Where are ya! If you come out now, I promise I’ll shoot you only once!” 

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim: 

Looks like a refreshing sea otter. Jamil pops up to help clean up Kalim as he’s drying him off with a handkerchief and some wind magic. Then, Jamil helps you to dry off in no time. At the end of the cleaning, Kalim suggests you three to play a game with the other second years as well. 

“I can’t wait to play with everyone else, right _____! Hmm, Jamil did you say something?” 

Jamil Viper:

After cleaning up Kalim from the mess earlier he’s now roped into a game of water guns. The rest of the second years join in, but Jamil is constantly surrounded by Floyd and you who have teamed up. The same kid from earlier shoots Jamil in the face again, leaving him to be the first one out. 

“Somehow, I feel a sense of deja vu from the unexpected outcome… it’s time to prepare towels for Kalim now.” 

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit:

After getting shot Vil checks on himself using a compact mirror, while you anxiously dry him off. Due to the use of your wind magic the two of you now have crazy hair which is all knotted up. Vil isn’t too pleased, but he would much rather stay dry than be a soaking mess. 

“Tell me, does looking like this amuse you? Perhaps it does, you’ve been laughing for a while now.” 

Epel Felmeir:

After joining the rest of the first years in a game of water guns, it’s down to Epel and Jack. In the final battle Epel comes out to be the winner, but in that moment a kid comes out to attack Epel. 

“Ugh! Who shot me! Was it you ___________? I’ll get you, just you wait.” 

Rook Hunt: 

Before the kid can shoot him, Rook closes in on the kid to inform them to not shoot people. Right after Rook has a thorough talk with the kid, he asks you to join in on a game of water guns. Before you can answer he shoots you with one he had hidden away from you. From there the two of you engage in a heated battle. 

“Let’s begin the chase now! I'll be sure to hunt you down beautifully." 

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud: 

Idia’s hair didn’t go out, much to your disappointment. Searching for some way to dry off Idia you were shocked to notice a new spark in him. He was in deep thought about something and before you could notice he walked off. Following Idia, it seemed he had a newfound idea on making a water gun for himself. 

“... What were you expecting to see? Y-you thought my hair was a blue flame this whole time?!”

Ortho Shroud:

Seeing the kid before they could reach you both, you quickly pushed Ortho out of the way. Of course, you ended up being the one soaked in water, thankfully Ortho managed to dry you off. However, he was quite curious about water gun fights, Ortho proceeded to ask if you would engage in one with him.

“Ahaha, you look like a huge mess, but are water guns really that much fun?” 

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia:

Intrigued by the confidence of the little kid who shot the two of you he chases down the kid to ask to join the game. Much to his disappointment the kid had already been chased down by the twins. Seeing this you propose to play a game together instead, you also invite the fellow third year students who by a miracle say yes. 

“Child of man, if I win against the others will you enjoy a sweet victory with me?” 

Lilia Vanrouge: 

Lilia lets himself get shot by the kid and, similar to Ruggie, entertains the kid who shot him. Joins the kids for a light game of water guns before getting invited to join the third years for a game on their own. Totally owns them and destroys everyone. 

“Oh, dear. Is that all you’ve got to defeat me? I guess that victory dessert is far away from you now.” 

Sebek Zigvot:

Goes off on the kid, but he misses his chance as he takes one good look at you who is also wet. Decides to take off first so the two of you go off to buy some towels to dry off. Inside the store you pick up some ice cream and enjoy some as you walk back to the dorms. 

“Hmm… you didn’t think you would see this side of me. What do you mean? Huh! You think I look like a little kid eating ice cream like this!”

Silver:

Protects you from the water and is dripping wet now. You notice how princely he looks, and he smiles at you saying he’s happy you think that way. Silver’s just happy knowing he protected you from getting soaked by the water. Seeing Silver is already wet, he gets invited by Kalim to join the second years to play with water guns. The two of you happily join the rest. 

“Don’t worry about me, a little water won’t bother me. Huh? You think I’m dripping with good looks. Saying stuff like that… that’s quite a compliment.” 

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : HOW DO WE FIX THIS?

You were running late and he was going to hate you for it but he’ll understand eventually. He knows that when working on a new album, it takes time and dedication, so he’ll definitely understand.

You rush out of your car, slamming the door shut, making sure you lock it behind you and storm inside your shared home.

“Jack?” You yell out, taking off your coat and throwing it on the hanger. “Jackman, are you down here?”

You head to the kitchen and see the dining table beautifully set up with rose petals and candles scattered around. There’s food on the table as well and a flower arrangement but still no sign of your husband.

You look around the kitchen and notice all the pots in the sink, smiling to yourself because you can already picture him around the kitchen. Jack is definitely not a cook, he has a hard time following your recipes, but it’s the thought that counts.

You see a little notepad sticking to the fridge door and head to it, “Went to pick up the kids.”

You start washing dishes and picking up the kitchen real quick, as soon as you put the last dish in the rack, you hear little footsteps running inside.

You smile and head to the living room, “Are those my babies?”

“Momma.”

“Mommy.”

Both kids tackle you to the floor and hug you. “Oh I missed you guys. How was your day with grandma?”

“It was so fun” Mia starts, “we painted and watched movies, then tio Clay came over and we played water balloon fight.”

You smile at that, brushing her hair out of her face. “That sounds like a fun day bug.”

Ez nods “it was super fun momma, but I missed you and daddy.”

“Well how about we all cuddle in bed and watch some movies huh?” You suggest, the kids start nodding in excitement.

“You two little monsters need to shower and head to bed early.” Jack says, reaching for the kids.

“But daddy, we wants cuddles and movies.”

“I know little man, but tomorrow we have a busy day, so head upstairs and get your towels. I’ll be there in a sec.”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, staring at Jack but he doesn’t even look at you.

You stand up and smile down at the kids. “Háganle caso a su papá.”

“Fine.”

“Okay.” They both say and run away to do what their dad asked.

“What’s tomorrow?.”

“What?”

“You told them tomorrow is a busy day, what’s tomorrow?” You ask him.

He scoffs. “Tomorrow is our annual family trip.” He rolls his eyes. “You know, the one you’ve been planning since last year.”

“Shit, I totally forgot about that.” You groan and mentally slap yourself.

“Yeah I can tell, you’ve been doing that lately.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been super busy with this album and I know that isn’t an excuse but-“

“Then don’t make it an excuse, I need you here, present with us. How many times did you give me shit for spending all my time working and not putting our family first?” He snaps.

“Jack-“ You shake your head, going up to him trying to wrap your arms around him but he pushes you off.

“You out of everyone should know how important it is to leave all that shit outside the door. When we’re here is for us and our kids. You haven’t been around to know that Ezequiel lost two teeth, or that Mia won her kickball game, a game she hates.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m a bad mom.” You whisper and wrap your arms around yourself.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He takes a deep breath. “Balance and communication is all I’m asking for.”

“DADDY WE READY.” Ezequiel yells.

“On my way little man.” Jack yells back.

He turns to look at you, kissing your forehead. “I love you, you’re the love of my life and the mother of my kids. I’ve given you time to work on your projects, but you haven’t been here. We either find a way to fix this, fix us. Or there’s no more us.”

You snap your head his way. “W-what does that mean?”

“You know what it means.” He shrugs.

“You don’t understand, you think this is easy? You don’t know what I’m going through.” You snap with tears rolling down your face.

“Yeah because you don’t tell me anything anymore.” He replies sadly and walks out, heading to your kids.

“Because if you knew, you’d hate me.” You whisper after he leaves.

•••••••••••••

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @arination99 @cmalass @jackharloww @minkookie95 @deannaard @jacksmoviestar @harlowcomehome @fdl305 @httpkoylinnn @xoxokiaraaxoxo @hoodharlow @automaticpeachsong @amethyst09 @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @stefansalvatoresgf @violetdreamsworld @carma-fanficaddict @jasminxts @itsaaliyah2 @itsyagirljaz @harrycanyonmoonn @neon-lights-and-glitter @awhore4moree @toocriticalharlow @thefemalestorywriter @lightsoutstyles @violetslays818 @fantasywritersstuff @Killatravtramp

[jack-kellys]

racetrack in uksies!!

well guys! i did it- i finally started paying attention to the newsie i was pretty sick of for a while! and i was generously rewarded. here is some stuff i observed from josh barnett's racetrack higgins:

disclaimer: racetrack, in the script, is quite literally only noted as "RACE, a little tough guy". there is no one way to characterize him, and no features about him are universal/should be universally accepted beside what he says.

that said. this mf is a damn little tough guy!!!

his place as one of jack's main two lieutenants (the other being crutchie) is a lot more solidified in how he acts around the other boys, he certainly comes off older and more in charge

king of new york has him singing out from downstage to the audience as all the chaos (swinging from lamps...tapping...spinning and shit...) he incited occurs behind him. like it is his song this time which is cool, and makes sense- he's the last "original" (sorry davey) leader left that the newsies can look to and it shows.

his trio consists of specs, albert, and himself it looked like. sometimes finch but that's for more lighthearted moments. they all have trousers and not knickers, signifying their older age, and they frequent the aisles together. also specs is definitely some kind of leader based off of what he does in the show and his demeanor.

race and al are like...the soakers. they are picking fights or mocking fights when they are together LMAO.. at the gate when the headline goes up albert is like Right Up At It to make the delanceys rattle the bars to make him step aside (no one else does this). race and al also imitate jack socking the delanceys with crutchie's crutch, al fake punching race in the gut and race making a face lmfao. they also together circle around the delanceys when they're shoving crutchie around.

^something i've noticed every time but only now clocked as intentional: race's cap is the only one, out of everyone's, that has a ripped seam at the brim. it's frayed, it's been there a while, it's intentional as hell. this kid's a fighter, and he's literally rough around the edges. love it SO much omfg

another fun thing about this race: he. fucking. does. not. like. davey. for the entirety of act 1.

"hoi poloi" is mean. he says it at davey instead of around him to the boys at the circulation center. tbh the newsies in general give davey a sort of sus once-over when he mentions having a mother, but race is leading that charge and like... not for laughs exactly?? idk it felt like more at davey's expense.

race gets fucking pissed at "well if you look, and see brooklyn, then they're with us!" he pushes davey's chest and says either "don't be smart with me/right now." I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS. it is everything to me– it shows how short race's temper can be when he's stressed, pushing it onto davey– because davey got them all into this, didn't he? so what right does he have to make jokes right now, especially about brooklyn, whose backing would ensure that davey's idea of the strike wouldn't get all of them beat into the ground? (because. let's face it. of course race is going to blame davey and not jack.)

while davey is singing his piece of seize the day, race confers with jack, and (this staging was sooo good for woodside last night) points at les, who is standing right in the window between where race and jack are standing a ways away from the kid. like a "why the fuck did he bring the kid here". race definitely thinks that davey doesn't understand who's really at stake here, which is so.. protective<3.

king of new york is like a mini arc for them. at the top of the song, daveys still at the center table, race is there too, and like. he punches davey's arm. of which davey is literally like "ow", and then rubs at it through... half the whole song. what's funny abt him getting hit then is that he sings his lyrics pretty soon after, so it's like a literal push from race to get more involved (since they're the only two leaders left). as davey does get more involved, messing around with les and involving him w/ the rest of the boys, race warms up to him a lot more and their last time near each other, race gives him a smile and ruffles davey's hat. atta boy, if u will.

i think race's general refusal to trust davey with his boys is just so. fucking sick. race can trust him with the strike inner workings if jack does, crutchie actually is shown talking to davey a lot more than race and trusts him via that, and jack trusts him because jack refuses to leave anyone even remotely like his boys behind (and he recognizes they need someone like him if they want to succeed). the four of them r so. intimate to me.

but. what is also quite fascinating to me.

is that everything i've said so far about the lack of trust, the hot-headed nature, the protectiveness... y'all know who we usually 'assign' those traits to, right?

spot. conlon.

like this race is like.. if 92sies spot was in the musical..mixed w/ 92sies race LMFAO!! and you fuckin know what? i loved him for it. i have always loved characters like that, i think they're fun, very... greaser vibed, hard-hitting, etc. this spot is almost more ready to hit than protect, and the holding out on the strike therefore seems like manhattan/jack needs to prove himself to brooklyn vs. spot having to look after their newsies first.

anyway yes congratulations to uksies racer for making me enjoy the character again!!!

FUN FACT: earlier this week, someone was. literally on their laptop during. the fucking show. in richmond, which is p close to the stage. so during one of his exits, he went up to the person and said like "close your laptop. that's fucking disgusting." josh>

[satureja13]

Even though Jack had such an amazing day with Lou, he couldn't wait to log out and tell the others that the second painful spot is gone! Since their therapies go so well, they don't monitor each session all together anymore. One of them is supposed to be near the one who's currently ingame, so they installed an opening in the kitchen to the therapy room.

Jack immediately took off the VR glasses and the robo arm and his shirt to show Ji Ho his progress ^^' Ji Ho: "Oh Jack, that's amazing!" Jack: "All thanks to our incredible Tiny Can! Let's show the others! Ah I'm so glad I didn't give up and went back ingame!" Ji Ho: "I'm so happy for you." Jack: "I love you too :3 "

Meanwhile Saiwa is working hard to overcome his 'bird/fake relationship/Kiyoshi/Jeb problems... He went all in in his exposure therapy and even placed flamingo lounge chairs so he can practice here too... But he's having a hard time going through all these memories again. And Vlad wasn't very helpful. He's still worrying what Caleb might do with Ji Ho in Ji Ho's therapy. Saiwa sighed: "Don't give Ji Ho a hard time, hm? Try a little harder to make him feel good so he won't fall even more for Caleb. It will soon be over and then he's yours alone. Hang on." Sai already told him this a few times before. But he also knows how hard it is to change and accept things one couldn't change.

Luckily Jack came running along with Ji Ho to disturb their gloomy thoughts with his never failing puppy energy ^^' Saiwa heard their footsteps and was alarmed. He always expects the worst when Jack is involved ö.Ö' Saiwa: "Omg - did something go wrong?" Jack: "VLAD! SAI! The second spot is already gone! Only ONE left!"

Saiwa, relieved: "That's unbelievable! I never imagined it would ever get better without you getting back together with Kiyoshi! I mean, he's your fated mate. How is it possible you can leave him just like that?" Jack: "Hey, I endured over 6 months of searing pain! Fate learned now that I'm determined! Plus I'm the Su..." The others chimed in: "Super Soldier!" (hahaha, them ^^')

They are so happy for Jack :3 There is a new area to sit outside by the river and they gathered by the fire. Jack told them about his insightful talk with Lou which also inspired the others to try to find ways to improve their relationships. And, since the Therapy Game is going so well for them, they also discussed how they could make it acessable for the creatures in the real world, as planned. They currently can't be of any help for other creatures in the Muggle World who suffer under the Council and from other hazards. The least they can do is to offer them the Therapy Game. Vlad only listens half-heartedly.

Jack tries to convince Saiwa to let him go back in his therapy before the others but Saiwa insists that they take turns. Ji Ho's therapy is important too. To finally find his buried feelings and to get this over with Caleb to prevent Vlad from going insane... Which is nearer than one might think because suddenly he jumped up in and threw a jealousy tantrum...

Jack: "We should leave them alone."

Ji Ho: "We'll talk about the game later." Only Ji Ho can fix him.

Jack: "Come on, Sai. Let them charge the Bond. We'll go and play Simbles." Sai looked questioning at Ji Ho and he nodded.

Doesn't mean it isn't still awkward as hell when they're alone...

Ji Ho eventually made the first move and carefully approached Vlad - and Vlad hissed! But Ji Ho learned not to be offended. The Bond already told him how much Vlad craves Ji Ho's touch. He just can't let his foolish pride and priciples go...

The Little Goats Satyrs have a new friend as it seems! Little Dust Bunny joined them and they are briefing him on the story hahaha

Until Little Goat heard some highly anticipated and telling noises... He sneaked around the corner to take a look.

Little Goat: 'Boys! Come over! They're doing it!!!' Little Dust Bunny: 'Whoa!' The Little Goats delivered on their promises ^^'

'Reach out, touch faith

Your own personal Jesus, someone to hear your prayers Someone who cares Your own personal Jesus, someone to hear your prayers Someone who's there'

Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode

Ji Ho hesitantly reached out for Vlad and he looks a bit worried because he knows how much Vlad tries to avoid getting overly physical as long as Ji Ho isn't able to love him... And Ji Ho still can't get used to Vlad's hairless chest ^^'

Ji Ho: "I'm yours alone. I only want you." That's what the Bond is telling Vlad too but it's still killing him that Ji Ho is going to marry Caleb ingame. Ji Ho will make him forget it. At least for a while. Little Goats and Little Dust Bunny: 'Aouwww!'

Poor Jack and Saiwa. Let's hope they'll find love again soon too.

(I took a lot of pics of Vlad and Ji Ho in the hot tub. I'll make a little extra post like last time ^^')

Addendum: After I posted 'A Rainy Night in Soho' in the last episode, I googled around a bit for Nick Cave and this song and I found out that he and Shane had been good friends. And that Nick sang 'A Rainy Night in Soho' at Shane's funeral. I didn't cry when I heard that Shane died, but when I watched the video, I did. (I still do as I write this. Thank you for the music, Shane.)

'Now the song is nearly over We may never find out what it means Still there's a light I hold before me You're the measure of my dreams The measure of my dreams'

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[rabbitechoes]

𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐕𝐒. 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐑

this post will be a spin-off of my May 2024 Month in Review where i cover the wild rollercoaster that was the Drake/Kendrick Lamar beef that may or may not be still ongoing idk!

After some relatively petty back-and-forth's from Kendrick Lamar and Drake over the last two months, things did seem to get pretty heated between the two over the last few weeks or so. Lamar's response to Drake's poking and prodding by way of "Push Ups" and the "Taylor Made Freestyle" on the track "euphoria" seemed to push this in a direction no one was expecting. It wasn't just light jabs at Drake's artistry, it was a light dissection of his character. It was clear that Lamar wasn't here to play games and he really did harbor some resentment towards Drake. That was the tail-end of April and only a few days into May, Lamar released yet another diss track entitled ...

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"6:16 in L.A." - Kendrick Lamar

Seemingly in response to Drake's alleging that Lamar relies on Taylor Swift features for relevancy, Lamar slides on a beat with production credits from Jack Antonoff, Taylor's longtime producer, and sort of baits Drake into a response. It's just a bit more prodding, this time with Lamar taking aim at some of Drake's associates like DJ Akademiks and the rest of the OVO crew. The former currently being sued for rape and defamation as well, which ties into the themes of later diss tracks to come.

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"Family Matters" - Drake

This is where things really got messy. Drake fires back at Kendrick with a multi-part diss filled with a bunch of pretty weak jabs, like when he says "K-Dot shit is only hittin' hard when Baby Keem put his pen to it" which is just ... like ok. He also pokes at Lamar's critical success with the bar "Kendrick just opened his mouth, someone go hand him a Grammy right now" which is such a weak diss. J. Cole tried to attack from a similar angle and it didn't work. The most damning thing to come out of this diss was Drake insinuating that Lamar and the mother of his children have a strained relationship. He even accuses Lamar of domestic violence ("When you put your hands on your girl, is it self-defense 'cause she bigger than you?"). Ok, that's .... not good. This might be getting a little bit too messy, let's hope it ends so-

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"meet the grahams" - Kendrick Lamar

Not even an hour after Drake dropped "Family Matters," Kendrick fires back with the sinister, absolutely devastating "meet the grahams" diss track. Kendrick talks directly to Drake's family in this cut with bars directed at various different family members. The song opens with this almost villainous Alchemist beat and his first words are "Dear Adonis / I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest" so ... we already knew this was going to get even messier. He claims Drake is a deadbeat dad and that his son deserves a better role model. In the second verse he takes aim at Drake's parents, "Dear Sandra / Your son got some habits, I hope you don't undermine them / Especially with all the girls that's hurt inside this climate / You a woman, so you know how it feels to be in alignment / With emotion, hopin' a man can see you and not be blinded." Those bars are important to Kendrick's thesis going forward. He levies some serious, albeit vague, accusations that Drake mistreats women on the regular. The second verse also addresses his father and Lamar blames him for Drake's gambling addiction (he streams on Kick gambling live). The second verse enters its home-stretch as Lamar gets absolutely venomous, "Your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think *** like him should die / Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest their life / He hates Black women, hypersexualizes 'em with kinks of a nympho fetish / Grew facial hair because he understood bein' a beard just fit him better / He got sex offenders on ho-VO that he keep on a monthly allowance." Ouch.

As if this couldn't get any wilder, Lamar alleges in the third verse that Drake has yet ANOTHER hidden child. This one older than his son who was pushed into the limelight on Pusha T's infamous, pretty legendary "The Story of Adidon" diss. That diss changed Drake's public perception forever and I think this track might do the same once again. Kendrick closes the song with the chilling bar "Fuck a rap battle, this a long life battle with yourself." This is getting ugly and, when you're not swept up in the excitement of two of the biggest stars in music currently fighting out in public, you just feel dirty.

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"Not Like Us" - Kendrick Lamar

After that incredibly eventful Friday night, Lamar fires back with this track not even 24 hours later. A big part of the narrative against Kendrick in these disses has been that he makes "boring music." So, Kendrick slides on a DJ Mustard beat to get his message across. The result is the biggest hit to come out of this diss battle, hitting number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. It's a very catchy song and it shows that Kendrick CAN make a club banger. It's just a club banger that calls Drake a pedophile. The line "Certified Lover Boy? Certified pedophiles" has been ringing in my head over the last month. It's important to point out that Drake's uncomfortable behavior towards young and/or underage girls has long been a point of contention. From his flirting with a 17 year old on stage, to his weird friendship with Millie Bobby Brown where she said he "gives [her] advice about boys," this has kind of been an open secret almost. Anyways, this was brutal. Kendrick beat Drake at his own game, gaining the chart success in the process. Maybe it's over now.

It does make me a little uncomfortable that Lamar hasn't commented on the domestic violence allegations at all, especially on this track since I believe it was recorded after the "Family Matters" diss. Maybe he will sometime this month (spoiler alert: he did not).

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QUICK BBL DRIZZY DETOUR

Amidst the chaos, Metro Boomin made the "BBL Drizzy" beat giveaway. Allowing people to do their best Drake disses over it. The track samples the song "BBL Drizzy" from King Willonius released a month prior. I detest the use of AI in music, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't singing "BBL DRIZZY!" around the house for the past month. Anyways, besides some troubling old tweets that surfaced from Metro Boomin after his re-involvement in the conflict, this was a fun detour.

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"THE HEART PART 6" - Drake

A day later, Drake responded with "THE HEART PART 6" diss which is one of the biggest fumbles in rap beef history. Drake, in what might be a Freudian slip, mentions Millie Bobby Brown by name in response to Lamar's pedophile allegations against him. He says that his team fed Kendrick the lie that he had a secret daughter, which makes absolutely no sense if you think about it for longer than 30 seconds. He continues insinuating that Lamar's kids aren't his. It's just like ... dude. Come on. The song starts with a sample of Aretha Franklin singing "Now let me see you prove it" which, is kind of a good point, but it hurts both men involved. Both have brought damning allegations against one another, but no proof has been provided.

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CONCLUSION MAYBE? FOR NOW!!!

Now that the smoke has cleared a bit, this whole thing is just ... sad. Two of the biggest stars in music today leveled serious allegations against one another with no concrete proof provided by either party. These aren't victimless allegations. Pedophilia and domestic abuse have consequences, they're traumatizing. Using them as one-ups in a rap beef seems a bit careless. Using potential victims as ammunition. I don't know, it all just seems a bit gross to me.

Alphonse Pierre, for Pitchfork, wrote a very compelling article about the beef entitled Drake and Kendrick’s Beef Is the Most Miserable Spectacle in Rap History. I encourage everyone to read it as it gives a very nice and level-headed analysis of this conflict and its consequences.

Besides that, there's been a cryptic Twitter account that popped up that seemingly has proof for some pretty damning allegations towards Drake and posts videos in the same style as The Riddler from The Batman film. DJ Akademiks, one of Drake's biggest supporters during this beef, has been sued for rape and defamation. Drake has had violent incidents at his Toronto mansion throughout the month, although they aren't confirmed to be directly related to this beef. And it's all been relatively quiet from the Kendrick camp. Who knows where this goes from here, but this was as bowling shoe ugly as it was exciting.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thanks for reading :3

[harriertail]

last 2023 book thoughts

currently curled up hungover eating leftover bday cake trying to get another chapter of Absalom Absalom (Faulkner) down before i go out but its so. wordy.

Dream Baby (McAllister) - hectic, neurotic, and good. I think I found a pdf of the short story and not the full, expanded novel (?). Such a good opener tho if i can be bothered to read the full version on the Internet Archive. Reads like a madwoman's confession.

Whistle (James Jones) tragic that the author died before it was finished so it wrapped up very quickly. While i did expect the ending it was still... unsatisfactory i guess. Also idk how you go from the deep philosophical questions of mans tendency to violence and the question of what you truly believe in and fight for to an 100 day orgy and the question of 'do real men eat pussy'- i get the book is about recovery from war and being a civilian man again and sex plays a huge role in human life, however its still deranged how there's like one chapter on Landers struggling to readjust to smalltown life and the expectations surrounding him but 20+ chapters of unhinged hotel debauchery and the 30 year old 1st Sgt fucking a girl who just graduated. Sus. i would die for Fife/Marion Landers tho.

Go to the Widow Maker - DNF because "wow i want to jack off underwater" is not the worlds best plot hook, but the descriptions of diving is so good it almost makes me not hate cavediving. Maybe i should stop reading books by men. Maybe. im gonna pick it back up and just skip all the shit about his girlfriend and his mistress and her husband and get to the swimming.

Revolutionary Road (Yates) - at part 2. Good but a little unsure of where it's going apart from the two main characters doing a lot fo thinking. Love the descriptions. Apparently a common read for sixth form (according to the cashier i got it off) so shud be life changing or something.

The Leopard (Lampedusa)- maybe 1/3 the way through? I need to read more Italian history circa the Risorgimento to understand the context but god i love the writing style.

2024 TBR; Life and Fate (Goodman), reattempt Wise Blood (O'Conor). Happy new year!

[that-sims-four-blog]

And another slice of the playthrough...

(cw: plenty of violence and some blood further down below)

And on tonight's episode of Leeb, Leefuh, Love:

Back at the Metallica household, Kirk and Lars share a top-bunk bed—partially because they're not gay, that one parody music video be damned.

Honestly, there is not much to tell, although Lars did say something about a case...

Heh, heh.

No, it's not about Napster, although it was equally as scandalous as his case against it.

Furthermore, the royalty report for Lars' track finally came in:

That's not quite a bad profit for someone who just started out their journey to become the new Skrillex, and there will be more, I am certain. Since the household has not seen anything interesting in quite some time, I don't think it'll get much attention in the following posts.

Moving over to Strangetown Strangerville, Sussus Amogus settles into sus residence at Slip 42. Yes, sus pronouns are sus/sus (singular: crewmate), although it's fine if you use they/them pronouns for sus for serious discussions.

The first thing that Sussus did was to go over to the pub across the street and then... uh... break someone's nuts into a million pieces. I am sorry that I couldn't get any images of the event (I need to stop confusing the C key with S), so this anecdote is the only evidence I can offer, along with the fact that the victim was named Daiki.

By the way, I'm thinking of making Sussus' parts more chaotic compared to the rest—which means more violence, yay! So, yeah, I would suggest that you might want to tread carefully when coming to their parts.

Excuse the mod's misgendering, but I think I have accomplished my goal of making Sussus an egotistical bastard. I have worse things in mind that would prove that sus is, like, really evil. Or rather, really suspicious.

That is also Sussus. I don't like how sus turns bald every time sus enters the shower, so I decided to give sus a little Jack Frost disguise. So, there it is: Sussus Amogus, masquerading as Jack Frost—of Shin Megami Tensei and Persona fame—every time sus enters the shower or goes to work—as pictured, as a scientist.

As insane as it sounds, I'm thinking of giving sus a romantic interest. Because I can, and also that I found one of the Sims at Sussus' lab pretty cute.

Pictured here is Sussus Frost at work, complete with the UI glory. I don't recall what her name was, but that's the Sim I'm thinking of pairing Sussus with.

Okay, lab aside, I'd like to mention one of Sussus' days—a really specific one that I thought was worth writing about.

After doing a really, really horrific thing at that Strangerville bar—let's just say that it was murder; I cannot go into further detail lest I get this blog deleted—Sussus decided to head to the Old Quarters' Inn. It would have been fine had Daiki not been the bartender there.

And, uh.

Yeah, Sussus seems pretty hell-bent on making this poor guy miserable.

I think it's clear in Daiki's eyes how really miserable he is, all because of some random crewmate who just moved in several hours earlier. Then came a fight!

Sussus lost. It was too much for this one Imposter to handle. The next thing that sus did was to throw blood on him and then call the cops. Nope, they were too late. So, I decided to let Sussus take the matter into sus' own hands.

You get the idea. Most of the aftermath of it is probably too... grisly to be put in here. I'm just going to give you a couple of images that I took in the aftermath of the incident.

And then—

Wait, what?

What the fuck.

[starsilversword]

Man that was getting long so ill start a new one. Thanks @madam-of-lithuania

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope. I am named after an animal tho!

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uh. Like because I was genuinely emotional or because I was watching something sad and my brain was like: this is where people would cry. Cause I don't really feel sadness.

3. Do you have kids?

Gods no. Maybe one day in the future I'll adopt but I'm only in university rn.

4. What sports do you play/have played?

I used to do a lot of swimming, including 8 years of competative lifeguarding, never went competions but I was fairly good. Now I do Renbukai Karate. I'm a yellow belt! Oh and I did soccer when I was like 5.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes. I don't think I'm very good at it tho.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their clothes and hair. Immense fashion judge here.

7. What's your eye colour?

Hazel!

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Don't some horror movies have happy endings tho? I like both.

9. Any talents?

Define talent, I'm a bit of a jack of all trades.

10. Where were you born?

The lower mainland of BC. (Fine, it's Surrey, you know, that place).

11. What are you hobbies?

I have too many. Mostly creative and performing arts stuff. I also enjoy knot tying. It's very relaxing.

12. Do you have any pets?

Right now I have 2 cats. Ravenpaw (named by my sibling) and Arwen (named by me).

13. How tall are you?

5 foot exact. I've done multiple tests using many different measuring tool. Or 152.4 cm.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Hmmm. It's hard to decide between Writing or Production. Back in high-school Social Studies, Gym and Spanish were my favs.

15. Dream Job?

To work in the film industry. And if that doesn't work out. Be a first mate or navigator because it's the captain who gets sued when things go wrong.

Tagging: @surfingthesealand @whywouldiknow-that and uh @blueberryrock

[dee-in-the-box]

Hellooo <3333

Could we get some Jack and Peter content pretty pleaseeeee?

i'll do so for my version of "canon" and for the Brother's Shadow au.

here we go:

Normal:

Jack:

he smokes. quite a bit, might i add.

he lets Dee swear (with permission), because why not.

i think i've mentioned it before, but Jack is transmasc. and also fat/chubby. because Yes.

Jack's hair is supposed to be a mullet. i just can't draw hair too well.

after getting revived by The Real Fredbear, he ended up getting paw pads, his nails turned more into claws than regular nails, his teeth got sharper, and he can make some Really Convincing dog noises. if you ever hear me talk about how "The Real Fredbear assigned Jack to be a partial dogboy," this is what i mean. i like to think this was partially because Blackjack took the form of a dog.

he lost his tooth from a fight in high school.

Jack actually knew that there was some Odd Shit going on with Dave and Henry, but never figured out what exactly went down. when he listened to Henry's tapes...well, he finally figured out what was going on! and it pissed him off!!

Jack feels pity for Dave when they finally run into each other again, considering...All Of That Shit.

Jack has a stuffed cat that he carries around as a sort of comfort item. it was meant to be a birthday gift for Dee on her sixth birthday.

my version of Legacy actually still hates Henry. to put it one way, if regular Jack was giving Henry the middle finger by going "I'll fix your mistakes and set the souls free," then Legacy tried to give Henry the middle finger by going "I'm going to make what you did look like a fucking joke."

Jack is a monsterfucker. i will not elaborate (see: Dave)

Peter:

Peter didn't believe that Jack killed Dee for even a second. he knew that Jack was working that day to begin with, but even then, Jack would never do anything to hurt Dee.

Peter actually sued Henry's ass. and won.

he doesn't like Henry.

he thinks Jack has the weirdest taste in men (see again: Dave).

he really doesn't like the fact that Jack smokes and drinks so much.

had Jack not been wanted by the police, Peter would've let Jack stay with him and Caroline.

Peter's got Guilt over what happened to Jack and Dee.

Peter somewhat recognized Jack when he worked at Freddy's, but he couldn't tell how at the time.

Dee, as the Puppet, would sometimes slip up and call him "Peter."

Brother's Shadow au:

Phone!Jack:

he wasn't properly programmed, so he can still swear. he's still an amnesiac, though.

he could recognize Dee and Dave, but didn't know how he could recognize them.

he and Dave flirted again.

Jack died because he confronted Henry about Dave again, and didn't back down when Henry told him to drop it. Henry knocked him out and put him in the Fredbear suit, and then kicked it a few times after Jack woke up. you can probably guess the rest from there.

he doesn't recognize Henry, but he does feel the urge to call him a bitch a lot. so he does.

he and Dee would take smoke breaks together.

(Black)Jack (Bear Edition):

he took the form of a bear this time, and is basically Shadow Freddy.

he's basically this au's version of the Puppet.

he wants to murder Henry So Fucking Bad.

he Has threatened Henry before about what's gonna happen if he ever tries to harm Dee.

he dragged Henry to the Void at the end of Dsaf 2 after Dee and Henry's fight.

he follows Dee around to give her some comfort. she didn't know it was him for years.

generally pretty chill. unless you're Henry, in which case he is very not chill.

Peter:

he thought Dee looked weird with short hair, but couldn't tell why.

he'd usually be the one to tell Dee and phone!Jack to get back inside during smoke breaks.

he has Brotherly Instincts for Dee and Jack, but doesn't remember why.

he and Jack bicker a lot as Phone Guys

there ya go! everything that comes to mind :]

[sabrondabrainrot]

☀️🌟☼🔅

Random Idea but with what I know about current spoilers I have two ideas. One is that Sun will somehow becomes the Witherstorm (I AM BANKING ON THIS) or he's going to be relevant to the Witherstorm of their dimension and be scattered through dimensions.

One of my most favorite series of all time is "Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles" and the crux of that series is they need to put someone back together and to do so, they have to travel to various dimensions to find the missing pieces of the person's soul. I totally see that happening to our Sun? I don't know why.

Even to this day, Sun still hasn't quite opened up about himself. Not to Old Moon, New Moon, Solar, Earth, Lunar, etc etc. I think the most he's been open towards thus far is probably Dazzle ironically?

I'm still getting caught up but I can tell Dazzle actually wants to get to know him so she's asking about him and he's honestly telling her. (also loving how Sun is spending more and more time with the kids in the show, He spends so much time with FC, Dazzle, Jack, etc. It's so wholesome) I'd say Earth and Lunar are in second place of knowing him best but they also still sometimes are kept an arm's length away.

Solution to this? Scatter parts of his 'soul' into the multiverse and make it the family's responsibility to find him! Heck he could even be in a coma the entire time they do this! When they find a Sun fragment they get to see his memories or feel and hear his thoughts.

In Tsubasa the fragments are called 'feathers' and they can warp reality, break time and space, or even gain sentience. I think it'd be so neat if one of the fragments of Sun became Dark Sun but I know it's not likely.

"I am doing this for Sun, Because I am Sun" vibes

Just an Idea but it'd be so cool if it happens!

My second Idea, has to do with a sketch I did a bit ago (still working on more sketches for it) but basically I know Sun's currently gathering power. He's a fighter and wants to help! His family is still keeping him away from the action though. It's not malicious and comes from them wanting to protect him but it's going to ultimately leave him more vulnerable and a target.

Dark Sun I know is tampering with dark energies, he's raising a dragon? He's associating more and more with Witherstorm energy and he still hasn't quite confessed what his motive/plan is besides the fact this is "all for Sun"

So wouldn't this mean Sun is going to ultimately becomes a Witherstorm? It's what the creator studies and the one of the main dimension is different from others so who's to say our Sun and Moon aren't also built different with different fates?

Creator created something specifically just to torture and wear Sun down but when you think of it, that's also what Old Moon was until they split. I don't think that was the intention but the fact Old Moon just decided to point blank torture Sun? Sus, like it was meant to happen.

Dark Sun I think needs Sun to be his pet Witherstorm, and he's maybe planning to use Nexus to make that happen? I just got to the point in the series where he just picked up New Moon from space and took a chip out of his brain. Bruh...he needs him but won't say for what.

I love it. Dark Sun my beloved what are you evil little plans <3

Hoping Sun doesn't fall into a Coma but it'd be so sexy of him aha~

I really like when Sun spends time with Earth and Lunar too it'd be so cool if they have an adventure to save him.

BTW I've been listening to Aurora's song "The Seed" and it literally gave me a big brain AU idea for tsams but idk if I should try to write it.

I really hope Sun ascends to some kind of God-hood like being especially involving destructive energy like Witherstorm stuff. It'd be so neat and sad if one of the nicest people ever became the ultimate judge, jury, and executioner-like being. It's especially ironic since Nexus/New Moon can't decide what's real anymore and just decided to frick off and become God so it'd be realllyyyy funny if Sun was the one to become a reality altering being.

I'm just Madoka-ifying Sun at this point

[crunchywhitepaper]

cw: self-hatred, self-blame, nausea, skipping meals (brief thought), inability to start tasks, insomnia, suicidal ideation, breakdown, sleep deprivation, anxiety (tell me if i forgot to tag something)

summary: jack morrison struggling from sep to overwatch to the fall of overwatch and its rise

hear me out

jack morrison had troubles with tasks when he entered the military. any paperwork that needed to be passed? laughed off until a day before he needs to submit it as he stays up on the verge of a breakdown typing the thing with lights out.

gabriel being his buddy at the time and always trying to get jack to do his deadlines early on but jack just cant do it. he tries for like an hour but never does anything substantial.

gabriel ends up offering to work with jack on their shit and jack slowly ends up having a semi decent work ethic.

until overwatch happened and the shitstorm that happened there

jack wakes up to a lot of tasks and gabriel isn't there. he goes back to staying up all night. the anxiety running through his veins, tears pouring down his face as he types whatever bullshit he can.

it's the only way he can do it.

he's thankful for the serum that it allows him to do this for weeks on end. he doesn't sleep he just passes out in his bed when he gets the chance to lie down from the exhaustion. he invests in eyedrops and ice packs just so the sleep deprivation isn't noticeable. makeup as well to hide his pallor face.

he does this just so the others don't worry.

when ana dies, when gabriel isn't looking for him anymore except for work, he stops doing that as well. no one will look anyway, why bother?

when overwatch falls and soldier 76 emerges in the ashes, he thought, 'that was the best sleep he'd had in years'

without the paperwork and now moving to action, a part of him thinks, he shouldn't be running on so little sleep.

a major part of him goes, you've spent years with no sleep, why stop now.

he goes without sleep. he continues the same habits, unable to fall asleep even if he wanted to anyway. unable to move without the tension running under his skin.

the days where he needed to rest for his wounds were the worst. he'd lie in whatever place he found himself in and just sleep, uncaring of the hours that pass. he wakes up hungry, remembers the nausea that followed him throughout the day and eats a ration bar

he remembers the past and he cries, wondering how much he didn't notice because he was always so tired. maybe if he did better. maybe if he would just sleep properly, maybe-

he finishes the bar and curls back to sleep, the voices screaming in his head.

when he first meets reaper, when he meets gabriel again as an enemy, he wonders just what happened. reaper blames him and 76 can only accept it, knowing its the truth.

when ana arrives, 76 is both filled with relief and dread. he doesn't join ana. he doesn't want her to know that he can't take care of himself. he makes up some bullshit reason they fight. ana wants to help him. 76 tells her he doesnt need it. it's a lie but he won't drag her to his issues.

ana sighs and offers him a way to contact her. he takes it and leaves.

he doesn't sleep that night as well.

he finds more information about overwatch. about talon. about reaper. it's faster with ana. he thinks of giving up. with every intel, he finds it harder and harder to fall asleep. his mind keeps screaming at him.

he remembers when overwatch first fell and he remembers how it felt to actually feel rested. his whole body stung with burns and cuts and his eyes were shot to shot but he could hear himself think. a decent tradeoff, honestly.

how hard would it be to do the same now? what does he need so he can finally sleep? he chases the thought in his mind, thinking it over and over and-

death was also sleep, wasn't it?

a hush settles over his thoughts and 76 closes his eyes and grips tightly on his weapon. don't think about it, he thinks. it continues to follow him.

he gets invited to overwatch. 76 only knows of suffering and pain during overwatch. he supposed it was nice early on but it didn't last. he denies the invitation.

he ends up fucked while chasing one of the leads. 76 ends up running more and more on gas. that one thought that visited him continued to haunt him.

he faces reaper and reaper gives him no mercy. under the barrel of a shotgun, 76 thinks, this is it but his consciousness fades with a sharp pain on the side of his head.

he's caught. talon wants dibs on a body that survived the soldier enhancement program.

funny enough, they put him through sleep deprivation. 76 laughs. he can do this anytime. he hasn't tested the limits of what his body can handle considering he always passed out on the two week mark at most, he wonders now.

overwatch ends up saving him on the first week. somehow, for some reason, reaper and sombra are in tow. he should care, he thinks. he doesn't. it's too tiring to care. too tiring to think.

he ends up sleeping days away as he heals. angela tells him the results of his checkup, he isnt surprised. she pinpoints his shit habits. he doesnt know himself if he can change it.

genji visits him. he holds a conversation. cole visits him. he does the same. ana visits him. he just nods as she scolds him.

he's actually doing this, the thought visits him. being a functional human being and talking! wow!

then reaper arrives and he doesnt take any of his bullshit. no, not reaper. gabriel, the mask he adorned is gone and what faces him, even as wispy as his body is, is gabriel.

"jack."

"ana already gave me the speech," he says, forcing his body to relax as he stretches.

"that's not what im here for." gabriek takes a seat and stays silent. jack leaves him be, leaning back and staring at the ceiling.

oh, he didn't think about his sleep. it didn't feel like one. not deep enough, maybe. one second, he was in that room and another, he wakes in the clinic.

"don't you have anything to ask me?" gabriel starts. when jack looks over at him, gabriel is frowning. ask? maybe, he thinks. maybe he could ask why he was with talon. maybe he could ask what happened with overwatch. maybe he could ask about them, what happened to them, what made them like this? maybe he could ask, but did it matter?

the ache in his chest is familiar and jack ignores it. did it matter if he had the answers? he can't do anything anyway. he went searching for answers because he couldn't do anything about it. he didn't do a single thing. his actions were always for answers but now, now when reaper, when gabriel is in front of him, did the answers really matter?

jack opens his mouth, closes them and stares at gabriel's eyes. it's black, unlike the red light that seemingly seeped out of his mask whenever he fought him as reaper. he could also ask him that, what made him reaper but-

"no," he shrugs, "i don't have anything. you?"

"what?"

"i don't have anything," he repeats, "is that all or?"

"you were searching for answers!" gabriel hisses, "about reaper? about talon? about overwatch?"

"i don't need to know," jack tells him. it feels like he's watching his body. it moves without input. "you're back here in overwatch, so you've finished what you need to do, right? so i don't need to know what happened."

"you-!" gabriel jerks, his teeth bared into a snarl before pulling himself back. he turns to the side, the light in his eyes have turned red. jack watches him as he stands up, the chair skidding back from the force and he says, "i'll-"

he takes a deep breath. jack notices wisps of black coming from his body. gabriel continues, "i'll come back later"

jack doesn't know what happened to gabriel. just that he became whatever he is because of him. because of what happened in overwatch.

maybe he should know about it. torture himself with the information as he doesn't sleep but exhaustion is already etched in his bones. what else can it do to him that he haven't already? kill him? he scoffed at the thought. his body won't accept it even as he tries.

he closes his eyes and lets his thoughts scream at him endlessly. since whatever he was searching for was useless considering gabriel and ana are back, he wonders what to do. help overwatch? he can't do it again. they need a better leader. be a soldier for overwatch? he's fucking useless as a soldier, barrelling through every fight with just willpower.

he'll just go lie down quietly, somewhere else. maybe then he can sleep. maybe then. he spends several long days in the clinic before he is discharged.

the others offer him a place in overwatch. he declines. ana and gabriel comes. he declines.

he'd love to say he slept great but he didn't. he's itching to leave and just get lost somewhere.

he doesn't get the chance. he wants to leave. he does! but he's assigned a room in the base until he recovers and he just, stays there. he sleeps. he thinks of his plans, of packing up, of leaving, of telling everyone else but he doesn't.

he doesn't sleep. that should be enough. usually it was enough. daybreak comes, noon comes and night comes. he's hungry and he's still thinking about it.

it's not enough. the panic is familiar. he pushes his body up, he wants to pack up. he doesn't. he sits on his bed, exhausted but doesn't move. he wants to leave. he needs to leave. why can't he move? it was always fixed when he didn't sleep.

a robotic voice speaks up in his room, "commander morrison, the others have left a meal in front of your room."

he moves towards the door, the motion is easy and he takes the chance, "can you tell them that i want to leave the base?"

"i shall relay your message."

there's no one outside and a meal sits there on the floor. he takes it and closes it again.

"the others wish to talk with you before you leave."

he sits back on the bed with the tray on his thighs. he stares at it. he can't eat it. he eyes the banana on the side and puts the tray down on the floor. he eats the banana and goes back to sleep. he doesn't reply to athena.

he wakes up and just leaves the base. a moment of clarity and he doesn't bring anything. he doesn't get far as he just stumbles through the forest with no idea where he is.

gabriel finds him.

jack is sitting next to a tree with his face buried in his arms and knees. he doesn't know what to do. he left and for what? he left with nothing. what did he expect?

maybe he should stay with overwatch. be a soldier. continue following orders. god knows where the fuck his life is right now.

"jack." gabriel calls out. jack grips tighter on his clothes and curls in. gabriel stares at him then sits down besides him. he sends a message to the others that he's found him and to leave it to him.

they sit in silence.

"why are you here?" jack's voice is a whisper that gabriel can barely hear over the forest.

"everyone was worried when you suddenly left. if you wanted to leave, we could help you."

"..."

"jack, please, say something, anything."

"do you remember back in sep?" jack starts. gabriel keeps quiet, listening. "no, nevermind."

"sep? what do you mean?"

"just leave me alone, ga-," jack's breath hitches, not gabe, gabriel, reaper, "gabriel. i'll be fine."

he will be. he thinks even as he's absolutely fucking lying. enough to function, be normal.

"jack. jack?"

jack doesn't want to be here. jack just wants to sleep. stop making them worry, you worthless piece of shit. stop being like this! STOP, JUST STOP! make them stop worrying. everything's fine. you're being a fucking big baby.

his fists tighten to a grip, the pain noticeable. there's a lump in his throat that he forces himself to swallow. his eyes are welling with tears. he takes a deep breath and stretches his lips to a smile. he repeats it again and again. smiling in the darkness. making it as genuine as he can.

he was just overwhelmed. it won't happen. show a hint of exhaustion. it's alright. i just wasn't used to this. sorry. thank you for this. it's... just been a while. let the smile fall.

he takes another deep breath and lifts his head.

"hey gabe," he remembers the nickname. he stares at his eyes. he doesn't want to, "sorry about that." casual is fine "i'm fine now." like that, perfect. "let's get back to base?"

gabriel is staring at him with a pinched expression. his mouth open and jack interrupts him with gritted teeth, "please."

they return back to the base in silence. jack's miserable as he faces the others, excuses lined with truths.

"it won't happen again."

"jack, it's alright," ana's understanding voice was the exact opposite of what he wanted. he didn't need it.

the other's voices went in one ear and to the other as jack spoke of nonsense platitudes, already knowing what he needed to work on, his own flaws and weaknesses. gabriel had only watched him from afar until jack was free to go back in his own room.

sleep did not come for him that day either.

[animusiem]

Billboard USA Exclusion Zone Episode 10 (04/29/2023)

This week seems to be pretty busier that one meets the eye. Yes we have some shakeups especially in the top 10 with Idol by Yoasobi surged so high. But, these debuts are just all over the place. Well it's gonna be a blast anyways so let's get to this!

----------------------------------------------------

4. "un x100to" by Grupo Frontera X Bad Bunny

You know since the regional Mexican sound is the biggest musical moment of 2023, I think I will make my stance on the broader genre of Regional Mexican sound. I get the appeal of these type of songs. Yeah it's ramshackled and the mix can be very live version of itself. But, the composition and the instrumentals here reminded me a lot of dangdut or koplo which is the Regional sound of my country. That said, I prefer the accordion one rather than the brass and acoustic bass that Peso Pluma helped popularized.

14. "Daylight" by David Kushner

So apparently this guy is a tiktoker who is making folk pop that wanted to get Hozier to be on this song. All I can say right now is that he's definitely the poor man's Bon Iver with lyrics leftover from Father John Misty's b-side

28. "Chemical" by Post Malone

This is actually quite decent. But, this song is sounded like Fine Line rejects with a bit more inspiration from Tears for Fears.

72. "Princess Diana" by Ice Spice ft. Nicki Minaj

I did listened to Ice Spice debut EP and this is handly the worst song on the album. Getting Nicki Minaj isn't helping this generic ass beat to work y'know. Also I'm kinda mad that In Ha Mood didn't get pushed hard enough.

84. "美しい鰭" by SPITZ

Now we are talking about a veteran alternative rock band getting their first hit ever on the chart. This song is so likeable this is basically why I like J-Pop more that anything else sometimes. The guitar solo is just immaculate as does the production which is I would describe as "RHCP if they chose jazz influence than rap influence".

91. "Peaches" by Jack Black

I will give the Super Mario Bros movie a 7/10 it's a great popcorn movie.

98. "Wish You The Best" by Lewis Capaldi

See this song is the prime example as to why I don't like Lewis Capaldi's writing. There's not enough detail to justify this guy's longing for someone's that he used to love. Glimpse of Us this is not.

138. "El Tonto" by Lola Indigo & Quevedo

I think I can see the differences between Spanish reggaeton and LATAM reggaeton. The main one is the differences in how it's produced. The Spanish one seems to have other influences such as the dance scene in Europe. So that's why you have those sfx sprinkle throughout it.

151. "El Tsurito" by Junior H X Gabito Ballesteros X Peso Pluma

....Huh?????? Why does this sounds like DistantCry made this beat???

157. "See You Again" by Tyler, The Creator ft. Kali Uchis

I'm so glad this song became a viral hit because this is probably one of his best singles ever. The production here has influenced RnB world till this day with the trumpet, the strings, and that heavy hard hitting beat drop. Kali Uchis' breakout performance, the longing from Tyler about his crush is just breathtaking. This is truly one of the best songs of 2017.

170. "Cruel Summer" by Taylor Swift

[Insert the "this should've been a singles" jokes here]. But like can you blame Swifties in this? This song is too good for being a deepcut. The production is probably one of Jack Antonoff's best and yeah it's a great song.

181. "Fragil" by Yahritza y Su Esencia X Grupo Frontera

Remember the trio that gotten viral for their song? Yeah they're back with Grupo Frontera with probably the weakest accordion Regional Mexican song so far.

188. "Seu Brilho Sumiu" by Israel X Rodolffo & Mari Fernandez

Now for Brazilian sound...yeah I don't really get it. I think the percussion is not my thing in general here.

189. "Moonlight" by Kali Uchis

Speaking of Kali Uchis. If the vocals were mixed a bit better this could've been a sexy jam. Instead it's just a good one.

I highly recommend everyone to listen to these songs.

[cleliacleliadatura]

On adopting unique traits for survival....

My observation of Italian men, and people, while in Italy was never one of fear. Not one Italian man ever made me feel pressured, scared or hunted-including at "aperitivo" hour. Maybe I was just lucky not to be their type.

While there may be the stereotype of the Italian lover and a wandering eye and sun-soaked trysts that Hollywood loves to portray, my immersive moment in time with the Italian culture suggested a sense of safety-a down to earth approach to life that was not a cinema ready trope. Although one time I did wander too far and didn't have money for a bus ticket so I hitched a ride with a classically handsome Italian man on his Vespa. That was magical.

So refreshing.

When Jack made it clear he had moved on with another woman, I found myself riding random city buses with no destination in mind, sketch pad in hand during some evenings. I felt numb. Hurt, betrayed. The whole reason I chose this location to study and live was to be closer to him, in my foolish 20 year old mind, I should've known someone 8 years older than me had more serious objectives in mind than being a free spirit.

Reality sets in, though. I got fined a thousand euros for going on bus rides without paying for tickets. Still haven't paid it to this day.

That summer, Jack & I had worked on a project together. It was during this project he met his current wife. The warning signs were there, including me spending hours drawing telephones for an animation, only for it to barely make it in the final cut. The whole time, I was sitting there, with a streak of dyed blue hair, at a desk face to face with him, as he ran pencils up and down my legs flirting with me.

^our favorite song at the time (cue eye roll)....

The whole time, she had been there....at the show, where over a hundred people gathered to watch the final work, they took photos together standing side by side. He pretended as if I didn't exist.

Later in a one sentenced email where we officially broke it off, he said "It must be the magic of dancers"....in reference to why he betrayed me for her. How hurtful and twisted that felt, knowing only 5 years earlier I was that person. How I wished then and there I had chosen a completely different path in life, one that did not involve consulting therapists for medications that made me gain weight, because that's what American culture told me to do when you felt sad, even for two weeks. How I hated myself for choosing college instead of sticking with full commitment to the creative and performing arts. I didn't believe in myself, and the idea of being a "creator" online, where any person can give the illusion of success and fame was not commonplace. Then, it was real or it was not. In the flesh.

I was a complete fool. Blinded by my own youthful privilege of assuming honesty. When I look back, I think we were better suited as bandmates or coworkers, nothing more....He was a drummer afterall, can't trust drummers.

Thank God Regina Spektor had released a new album just that summer, her lamenting emotional music helped me feel less alone. To be honest, I haven't sung with the same passion as I did back then since this event. He used to film me singing, including one time at the Machipongo Clam Shack. He really believed in me, and his artistry and devotion to the creative world blended with a keen aptitude for technology inspired me, motivated me. Whenever I sang a song, it was my love for him that made the words flow with genuine intention. Now I feel like there's a lump in my throat, and a frog lives in my voicebox. Blocked. I once asked him if he would share all the videos he took of me singing, when I was younger and my voice was powerful. He completely ignored this request. Maybe it gave him satisfaction knowing that this one thing I desired, some evidence, wouldn't be so easy. My dream of being a singer required more than just saying it, I had to show it. He took some of that away by refusing to give the footage. I recall a moment where he came to visit the States and I could tell he judged me for my privilege in many ways, including being an american citizen-of knowing English so well. Life was a lot easier for Americans than the modern Italian man in the contemporary capitalist world. Especially for an aspiring artist and filmmaker. I can understand his feelings, he was right about this and many other things. I suppose it was his lesson to me, a bitter one. One that has repeated in my life in many ways, of people not really being happy for me when I'm doing the things that make me feel happiest. Maybe to a few important people in my life where I perceived this sentiment, it was because they felt I didn't truly deserve it. Get in a kitchen, go be a waitress. Get a real job, you're no artist.

One night, after coming up from the beach and catching the sun, with a dumb grin on my face, we had a dinner with family and friends. We were talking, laughing and in the middle of a sentence he pointed up towards my parent's bedroom window. He didn't say anything else but "It's because of Babo." He laughed. This was his way of letting me know he knew my secret, that most of my luck in this world was because of my Dad.

Jack told me once, "...we are all tiny grains of sand..." At the time, it was the most profound thing I'd ever heard. So different than the general attitude and culture I was used to, it made me uncomfortable. At first, I didn't like thinking we were just here for a temporary experience or existence, to face the reality of our personal insignificance in the cosmos. I thought in order to achieve we were supposed to hone a strong sense of individuality, to know thyself. To compete, stand out. Meeting him taught me to open my mind, to step outside of myself and what I knew to be true. When he left, it was as if all I did was retreat into an even more self-centered chrysalis of self-doubt.

I realize now his philosophy was very particular to Italian culture, of not taking up too much space, or more than necessary in order to survive. This is reflected in an ecological way straight into the cuisine and daily habits. In America, people like big, fast, fancy, rich, and opulent. To me, perhaps I am wrong, most Italians that I met valued simplicity. They didn't eat too much, they didn't waste a lot, their living spaces were not huge. Many in the city didn't have personal cars, maybe a rideshare (not Uber). Many got food from a local market, not a store, and went every few days to replenish on fresh produce and smaller bags of grain, pasta, a modest selection of formaggio or a cut of meat from the machelleria. I had many awkward conversations in broken Italian with elderly men puffing on cigars playing chess in the vibrant squares, some muttering about Mussolini and the evils of fascism. I loved the espresso bars, with forest green marble countertops and faded gold trims, where people stood at all hours of the day to get their doppio espresso in a tiny porcelain bicchiere. There was something about this area that drew me in, maybe a legacy of the mind's eye from the Carlo Petrini "Slow Foods Movement" and ensuing lifestyle. Not living to work, savoring the day to day. Recyling. Not always needing "new". This was then, who knows what it's like now or if perhaps what I observed was merely a reflection of what I was seeking.

Jack used to comment on my need to edit.

During the celebration in the streets I mentioned in the post about Mopsey, the seeing eye dog, not once did I ever feel unsafe. I wasn't looking over my shoulder like I've felt in other places of the world.

It wasn't centered on drinking and getting black out drunk or violent/ransacking stores, which seems to inevitably happen in some places once a 100 or more people gather and run through streets. There was no stench (or aroma, depending on your point of view) of hashish fumigating the airwaves.

Plus, locals warned me hashish in Italy, if you looked for it, would most likely be cut with contaminants that caused Hep C, and it was very expensive, not a necessity.

It seemed to me the people of this city didn't need that to have a good time.

Moderation is an embedded practice.

There were a few times when I felt unsafe walking alone in the city. A man with a deep imposing voice and square hat tapped me on the shoulder, asking for money. He then started following me for about ten minutes-trying to get information about me. What is your name, where are you from, are you from America? Bionda bionda.

I entered a cafe and stayed there until he got bored and left.

Another time, someone in the rotating group, Chloe, wanted to go to a nightclub. She was younger than me and far more intent on partying it up and being the opt-in Serena Vanderwood of Italy.

Nothing impressed her, she always kept her cool.

She was a smart young woman and not easily stressed yet came back sobbing one night.

A man, not from Italy, had tried groping her and sexually assaulting her at the discoteca.

One night, after singing at the Jazz Club, I walked home at 2 am by myself.

I saw his long dress skimming the sidewalk and heard the sucking noises.

He was shouting lewd things at me and started circling me making very lewd gestures and calling me horrible names "American whore".

Never had our paths crossed, wittingly, prior to this moment.

Not having cell service, tired and alone, with at least a 20 minute walk ahead of me, I decided to use my past acting skills.

I starting hissing at him, the same way my childhood friend Thomas had taught me since kindergarten.

Making weird noises, like a monkey calling in the forest, and making a boxing stance.

He kept following me, circling me on his bike and trying to grab at me-it was so bizarre.

Finally, without thinking I just started running at top speed without looking back and cut through a few side streets. All in a romper and two inch wedges.

Another disturbing event was one of my roommates had a very abusive older boyfriend, American Lex, who worked for the "music industry". She was only 19, he was 40. He was at least 6'2. He reminded me of a snapping turtle aardvark, or a beanstalk with a large gut. He always wore expensive loafers, impossibly skinny black jeans, and a tight black turtleneck with a leather jacket. He was extremely controlling of her, his bald head a shiny mirror to the passerby. His skin was a pale shade of Voldemort. Every five seconds he would call her, it seemed, asking where she was and what she was doing, who she was with. Then when they'd spend time together, he'd ignore her and make it seem like he was super busy on really important business calls with super important people and that she was a waste of his time-all while seemingly glued to her body.

She spent most of her short time in Italy, the country she had always wanted to see including the Uffizi, which she made sure to let everyone know she had memorized each room because of her Art studies-in a state of PTSD.

At night she would cry and start eating chocolate stuffed croissants, sitting upright in her bed-staring at the wall in a dream state. I'd wake up in the morning to see at least 4 wrappers on the floor as her ringtone "Gasolina" by Pitbull woke all of us up.

She had dark circles under her eyes, one time her pale arm had what seemed to be a mark from someone grabbing it.

She was always tense, nervous, confrontational.

Without ever speaking to this man, I resented him for being a jerk to someone two decades younger than him which then made everyone else's life difficult.

Sometimes it works, but I've found that many relationships with a large age gap are not very psychologically healthy for the younger person.

Just my observations, there is no formula.