#AND NOT EVEN JUST THAT I WANT TO TALK IN GENERAL BUT NONE OF MY FRIENDS RESPOND
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i never wanted water once part 3
tommy is also breakup baking, prompted by my dear @sanguinarysanguinity
tw: mention of parent death, mention of child abuse
part 1
part 2
~
Gutierrez eyes him on his way out of the locker room. "Feel like no one ever sees you anymore. You coming back to the pickup game or what?"
"Oh." Tommy gives his damp hair one last rub from the towel. "I wasn't planning on it, to be honest. Too awkward."
Gutierrez frowns. "Why?"
"You know," Tommy says, wishing he didn't have to, "Eddie Diaz. I broke up with his best friend."
"Diaz hasn't shown in weeks. Probably got injured. You know how that crew is."
And that. Well. He and Eddie were friends. They became tight very quickly in a way Tommy hasn't experienced with many people. He shouldn't have thrown a connection like that away without at least trying to salvage it.
He sends a text, a polite, generic one asking about his welfare. Worst thing that can happen is Eddie tells him to fuck off and he's back where he started. He fully expects to be left on read.
He does not expect Eddie to tell him he's moving back to Texas because he's given up on his son deciding to come home. Eddie invites him to a pre-going away dinner at a bar and grill before he goes down South for a few days to scout out homes. And, no, absolutely not. But Tommy proposes getting a drink, just the two of them. Eddie very validly explains that he can't spare the time, since he's already started packing up his life and he's working overtime to save up for a down payment. Tommy gets it. He does.
The day after the dinner, Eddie calls him. "Hey, man. I know we're like two ships passing in the night, but I didn't want to leave without a proper goodbye. I still got some more shifts before I move for good, but the time will go by quick. We'll just stay on the line, okay? Keep me company while I go through my kitchen cabinets."
"It's good to hear from you," Tommy says honestly.
"So yeah." Eddie hums. "Why'd you do it?"
"Text you?" Tommy says. "I heard that-"
"Kinard," Eddie says, unamused.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"You just didn't seem the type to flee."
None of you know me as well as you thought you did, Tommy doesn't say. That's not fair to any of them. "I wasn't, in the past. Well, I tried not being that. A couple times. It didn't work out."
"Oh," Eddie says. "There it is."
"There what is?"
"You've got shit."
"Haven't we all?"
"Hey, I am not denying that." Eddie chuckles. "Do you plan on dealing with it, or letting it blow up every good thing you find until you die?"
"Jesus, Eddie."
"What's the point in mincing words? You did something dumb and destructive. What kinda friend would I be if I let that go without saying anything?"
"So what's the weather even like in El Paso? Does it ever get below 100?"
After a groan, Eddie lets Tommy talk about his shit, about Texas, parenthood, and chess clubs, for the rest of the call. Tommy can't say that he'll miss him. He missed him already and now he gets to continue doing so. All of this sucks.
Tommy tries his hand at gnocchi made with ricotta, lemon, and pepper that subsequently almost causes a fistfight during B shift.
Demetra favors him with a warm smile, taking in the large box in his hands. "Tom, right? Welcome! What's all this?"
"Tommy," he says easily, impressed she remembered his name at all. He hasn't been to this slightly dusty community center in five or six years. "Uh, this is garlic knots and mini calzones."
"Well, hey. You're even more welcome than before. Come take a seat."
December is a stupid time to rejoin group, many of the participants close to the edge from a cocktail of seasonal depression, missing dead loved ones, and generalized loneliness. Tommy knew it would be like this going in. He counted on it. Everyone will have so much to say that there likely won't be any time for him to open his mouth. He's not ready to spill. It will help to just soak in the atmosphere of unashamed honesty for a while.
At his third meeting, Cal, a slender guy in his mid twenties with a curly mohawk, keeps bringing up his mother. "She never wanted me to enlist," he says, "and now that I'm back home and struggling, she can't stop being all 'I told you so' morning, noon, and night. She never says it, but she is thinking it."
"Is she?" Tommy finds himself asking. "Or are you putting something on her that isn't there?"
"Maybe so." Cal pops one of Tommy's fried ravioli in his mouth and chews thoughtfully. "I don't know, I should probably give her a chance, think first about what she's actually saying before I react. But it's hard in the moment, you know?"
"Tommy?" Demetra says a minute later, making him feel like a kid being called on by the teacher. "How's your relationship with your mom?"
"Nonexistent. She died when I was fifteen." He crosses his ankles. "Fell asleep in the car on our way back from an away game and we couldn't wake her up. Heart attack."
Demetra frowns sympathetically. "That must've been hard for a kid to witness."
"I've seen so much worse since then. People shot in the head by machine guns, people covered in burns over most of their bodies..."
Demetra shakes her head slightly. "They weren't your mom."
He ducks his head, pressing his lips together. "True. It's just- That's not- It's not trauma. I don't fear falling asleep and not waking up."
"What do you fear?" Cal asks.
Being left, being hurt, being validated in his belief that no one will ever see him for all he is and choose to stick around. "Standard stuff, really. Clowns, taxes, drivers on the freeway."
He gets a pity laugh, a groan or two, and one outright glare. "Okay, okay." He exhales loudly. "Ending up alone by someone else's choice rather than mine."
"So you're cool with being on your own, as long as you're the one keeping everyone away," Cal says.
God, that sounds idiotic. "Yes?"
"You prefer it like this?" asks a woman about his own age wearing a green bomber jacket.
He shrugs. "It's not ideal, but as far as worst case scenarios go, it's okay. It's fine."
"It's spineless," says a gray-haired man with a Desert Storm hat.
Tommy doesn't flinch. "Yeah, that's kind of an inherent character trait. I keep thinking I got it licked, then it shows up wearing another face. Scared of my dad, so I joined the army and became someone he couldn't hurt anymore. Scared of people knowing I was gay, so I waited to come out until I was surrounded by brand new people. Scared of my boyfriend leaving, so." He pushes at the skin above his knees, kneading it. "So I left him first."
"You fall back," says Bomber Jacket. Her name is Annie or Angie. She has conflicted feelings about dating a man with kids. "It's easy to stop being scared when the thing that scared you is far away."
He hears Eddie. You just didn't seem the type to flee.
Demetra holds up a hand. Tommy's face must be doing something concerning. "No one here faults you for what you did to survive. Is it still serving you, is the question, or is that just what you're used to?"
He doesn't bake when he gets home. He drinks half the beers in his fridge and does a shockingly efficient job of cleaning his house, while drafting and deleting twenty-seven different texts. He then wakes up the next day, and goes to the pickup game.
Gutierrez scores four rebounds on him and doesn't shut up about it for the rest of their next shift. Tommy grumbles, and talks shit, and promises he won't have much to brag about next time.
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° ° ° SACCHARINE HONEYBEE ° ° °
» Summary: A compilation of headcannons featuring V as your caregiver
» Character(s): Serial Designation V (Murder Drones)
» Genre: Headcanons, Fluff, SFW
» Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!
╰┈➤ It took her awhile to become accustomed to your preferences, but once she learnt that you personally gravitated towards her for protection it was much easier for her to get into the swing of things. I mean, how could she not when she knows you trust her so much? She didn’t protest beyond this point.
╰┈➤ V doesn’t necessarily like to carry you around everywhere unless you’re tired, but when she’s feeling up for it she’ll carry you piggyback style. She won’t be your chauffeur for insanely long distances, much preferring it if you’d just walk beside her to get all your zoomies out. Although should you happen to fall asleep mid carry, V will continue to hold on to you until she finds a safe place to put you down.
╰┈➤ Her pet name for you is strictly just ‘baby’ because that’s what you are - a little baby. V uses this in both a teasing and endearing manner depending on her mood. There are slight variations such as: ‘little baby’ and ‘my baby’. If you’re misbehaving though, she’ll refer to you as ‘little twerp’. As for herself, she’ll let you get away with calling her ‘VeVe’ but she absolutely hates anything else; she’s picky.
╰┈➤ She’s not really physically affectionate yet head pets come in the dozens. However, if you do exactly what she says, she’ll lovingly run her fingers through your hair before gently kissing your little nose (as long as no one else is around, of course). You may even get a peck on the cheek if she’s feeling more warmhearted although I wouldn’t expect it.
╰┈➤ Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly) V is an exceptionally protective caregiver. Once she adapts to your specific needs, she’s always close behind you to guarantee your safety. You never really notice that she’s there but she certainly is there, watching, observing, listening. You don’t really suspect anything until she starts to conveniently appear out of thin air whenever you have a minor inconvenience. She wants her little to be protected and she’ll be damned if she wasn’t going to be your guardian.
╰┈➤ V gets on her knees to talk to you at eye level. It’s generally just a preference of hers so she can make sure that you’re focusing on what she’s telling you. This is also her default position for when she’s scolding you, attempting to comfort you, listening to what you have to say…maybe it’s just her default position with you full stop. At least she knows if you’re paying attention or not.
╰┈➤ V finds it hilarious if you copy her sassy attitude, especially if you repeat her exact words right back at another drone whose aggravating either of you. Not only does she think it’s amusing but adorable also. If she catches you copying her mannerisms (hands on hips, rolling your eyes, ect) she’ll give you a tiny smile of approval and then use you as leverage to prove her point.
╰┈➤ If you ask her real nicely she may bring out her bubble blower for you. V doesn’t know why you find it so entertaining considering it’s just a stress reliever to her, but it's better than you being bored and getting grouchy. It never seems to run out of juice somehow; you get to pop as many bubbles as you want for as long as you want! V might possibly get a little playful and give you a challenge to see how many bubbles you can pop within a certain amount of time. Enrichment for her baby.
╰┈➤ V is a very no nonsense caregiver and won’t tolerate any disrespect from you. Talking back is the ultimate big no-no. She’ll lecture you and put you in time out until you’ve learnt your lesson. When you apologise it has to be with genuine sincerity (V will know if you’re lying just to get out of your punishment).
╰┈➤ That being said, she’ll definitely let you get away with disrespecting others. She enjoys watching you stand your ground, stomping your feet in anger as you fiercely babble at whoever is in front of you. V will even encourage you to be meaner if she feels like you’re being too soft. The drones always run away after a couple of minutes; you’re completely obvious to the fact that V is standing right behind you, claws and teeth on full display, ready to escalate things should they not listen to you.
#murder drones#imagine blog#murder drones headcanon#murder drones x reader#writers on tumblr#murder drones x y/n#serial designation v murder drones#v murder drones#v md#age regression headcanons#age re caregiver#agere imagine#age regression#sfw#sfw agere#serial destination v#wholesome#imagine#headcanon
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Jason Todd x Jinx! reader prologue
Origins
Your parents, not unlike a certain Dark Knight, were killed when you were young
Unsurprising given you were born and raised in Gotham
You were then taken care of by distant relatives
Though "taken care" is a generous term
They offered next to no affection nor attention in general, and with no friends your age you were rather isolated
This gave you time to develop the unique hobby of tinkering
Perhaps it was due to the nature of your parents demise (an explosion caused by a fight between the Bat and Bane) but you'd always had an interest in explosives
A morbid curiosity that only further fueled your guardian's distaste for you
And the direct cause of their other child's (your foster sibling) death
Unlike their parent your sibling was warm towards you, always encouraging your talent
The day you finally succeeded in your endeavors turned out to be the worst day of your life
You hadn't intended to hurt anyone
At the very least not them
Your guardian arrived home after work that day, greeted by a pile of rubble where their house once stood
And a corpse where their child once was
Your cries for forgiveness fell on deaf ears as they beat you, afterwards abandoning you in the remnants of your now decimated home
You'll never forget the look in their eyes
Nothing but pure hatred
You spent a few weeks on the streets after that
You survived on dumpster scraps and slept in alleyways
That was until you made the mistake of breaking into an abandoned warehouse
Piles of metal were strewn about, an old metal working mill you concluded
Your morbid fixation only seemed to worsen with the recent incident
You found yourself once again building your dangerous devices
Even more macabre, part of you hoped to go out in the same manor
Then one night, while you were finishing a grenade, you met them
A large group of muscled men filed into the building
They pointed their weapons at you, some guns, others baseball bats, but all directed at you
You should have been scared
But you were too numb to fear
You pulled the pin and threw the grenade as far into the crowd as you could
Blood
And flying limbs
You pushed past the remaining men only to be pulled back
"Just wait till the boss gets a hold of ya"
After a few moments of regrouping what was left of their forces the men greeted their 'boss'
"You mean to tell me this little runt killed a dozen of my men?" ... "Hahaha!"
That laugh
Everyone knew that laugh
Before you stood none other than the Joker
All smiles, he looked down at you
In one hand he held the remnants of your grenade
You could just barely make out the sharp toothed smile you'd doodled onto it
"This is far too crude to be mass produced. You wouldn't have happened to built this yourself, did you?"
You nodded
"Hahahaha!" He continued to laugh with unrestrained joy
"Harley, get a load of this!"
Out came Harley Quinn, the Joker's right hand
She gawked down at you
"This shrimp caused all this damage? Talk about an explosive personality!"
"Yes, precisely." the Joker kneeled in front of you, offering you the scrapped pieces of grenade "Not every day you see a gift like that."
His smile, albeit menacing, brought you a strange comfort in that moment
You took the offered scrap metal
"Where are your parents?"
"Dead."
"Oh? No siblings?"
"Dead."
"Them too, huh? And how did that happen?"
You looked down at the device
You didn't have to speak for him to understand
Another cackle sounded from the man
"Ha! You're quite the jinx it'd seem."
"Hey that's not a bad name, Puddin'!"
He stroked his chin in thought "It does have a certain ring to it, doesn't it?"
Joker stood back to his full height, looking off in thought
"You know, Harley. The Bat has his little protege, so who says I can't too?"
"Oh, Mistah J! You mean it? I always wanted us to have a little Joker!"
"Not a Joker, Harls." he turned back to you with a wide grin "A Jinx."
#dc comics#bat family#batman#jason todd#joker#harley quinn#jason todd x reader#jinx reader#jinx jumbles
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There is a mosquito in my living room, and I’m waiting for my bread to rise so I can bake it, so I don’t want to leave the room, lest I forget. So I of course wrote smthn about it since that’s apparently a thing for me now.
The fucking mosquito was back.
This damn bug, he hated mosquitoes. Fuck this thing.
Stiles stood up and walked to the center of the room. Standing carefully with his arms away from his body, as if waiting.
Derek paused mid-sentence, which—well, admittedly, Stiles hadn’t been listening, something about… responsibility? Derek liked to talk about that. Or safety maybe?
“Stiles were you even listening? What are you doing?” Oops, Derek sounded perhaps slightly annoyed. Just a little.
He muttered something about a bug. Of course he wasn’t listening Derek, he wasn’t even listening to himself. He was honed in on the buzzing in his left ear and waiting for the damn thing to land on him.
He tracked the mosquito across his field of view, allowing it to circle him while he listened acutely to its high pitched whine, freezing when he saw it swoop down towards his arm.
Derek was looking at him intently now, confused with furrowed brows, Stiles could see him watching from his peripherals.
None of that mattered, the bitch had landed.
With a quick muttered spell, Stiles whole body burst into flame. The tattoos hidden in his skin rising rapidly to the surface to dance along the exposed sections of flesh on his arms and hands.
With another spell he snuffed them out, the smell of something burned drifting through the air.
He grinned, stupid fucking mosquito, gods he hated mosquitoes. He looked triumphantly up at Derek. Who… well, Derek was frozen mid-step, halfway across the room to him, looking somewhere between irritated and alarmed.
“What. The. Fuck.” More irritated maybe.
“What?”
“What do you mean what? You spontaneously combust and you have the audacity to ask me what?”
“There was a mosquito?” Why was he mad, Stiles had eliminated the threat. He should be rejoicing, this was a joyous occasion.
“So you burst. Into. Flames.”
Ohhh. Yeah, that’s right. He had grown so used to the pull of his spark while he was gone that he had forgotten that not everyone here was as kept up to date as his father, who admittedly, was also not that up to date.
Fuck it we ball. “Uh, yeah? As one does?” This is normal. Really Derek is the weird one, right? Everyone does this. Silly werewolf.
“Right.” Man, Derek really loved those periods, huh?
“Glad we agree! You were saying?” Really, what was Derek saying, Stiles had tuned him out somewhere after the second time the mosquito flew past his ear. And that was generously assuming he had been listening in the first place.
If only one of the pack was here to deal with him, Stiles hated lectures and being away hadn’t made him any more receptive. Time did not, apparently, cure ADHD, especially since it was difficult to get a new prescription without a phone, or a pharmacy, or most civilization. For a good portion of his absence, there was very little of all of that.
#stiles stilinski#derek hale#teen wolf#attempt at humor#this is based roughly on my own experience with ADHD#i fucking hate mosquitoes#like brother#i am about to lose it#leave me alone#I’m already anemic
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something something something the Waynes refusing to allow the Kanes to give Martha a jewish burial because it would “look bad” if she wasnt buried in the Wayne Crypt or whatever.
Something something something about Thomas and Martha Wayne being the only ones buried on the manor grounds after Bruce returns from his world tour.
#look. i am aware that im approaching this as someone raised orthodox.#but the cultural horror around not being allowed to bury your dead in the way your traditions say…#it runs so so deep. it is quiet literally the basis of like. all the horror stories i hears growing up at summer camp*#*subject to my horrific memory#and i saw a post talking about the kanes not showing up to marthas funeral and i started thinking about WHY they wouldn’t#because. also. not escorting the dead is A Big Deal in many ways.#and just. all you want to do is bury your sister. you already know youve failed her son. you already know thats a fight her husbands family#will not let you win#and they cant even give you this because it will cost them some whispered looks across gilded halls#and so you dont even know where to start your mourning.#idk idk idk its 10.30 pm and i have done none of my to do list but#also exhuming a body to bring it to proper Jewish burial is allowed under specific circumstances#like halachacly#and i do think this would be important to martha actually#regardless of her level of observance#because again. depending on where the kanes came from. that generational scar runs deep.
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.
#sorry ignore this it’s post-election venting.#like just completely unproductive doomerism I need to get off my chest#ok real talk I have been feeling so hopeless and dead and depressed since the election.#I hate this country and I don’t think it can be fixed. not meaningfully in my lifetime.#I think I need to leave this place but im not financially able and im a transmasc person in a red state#with unsupportive parents.#I’ve given up hope on the idea that ‘ppl here are generally good and just misled into voting for the worse of the 2 evils’ and know just#feel these people are subhumanly stupid. beyond saving. no hope. they are voids. cesspits. empty headed useless ontologically evil braindead#soulless husks. it is useless to try to reason with them or inform them or convince them of anything. they are lost causes. it’s better#to leave this country while they rot in the dying empire They chose to make this bad.#they Want this. they Want fascism. they don’t care about other ppl#they are individualism poisoned Americans with no interest in a better future.#I hate them. I hate Americans. I hate my family. I hate my community.#none of it is worth fighting for anymore. they are lost causes.#the best course of action is to leave. but I can’t so im stuck with these fucking useless morons#so until then I have to rot with them. im stuck in this fucking tar pit of a country#with these fucking tar pits of ppl#illiterate fucking rednecks and functional alcoholic suburbanites. the fucking moldy white bread of humanity#I hope we all die. we deserve this.#useless fucking dnc allergic to winning.#barely coherent braindead voterbase. useless fucking male loneliness truther incels#the world would be better off if this country was fucking nuked off the map.#sorry silly fandom mutuals for being a whiny american. but things r materially going 2 get so much worse for me and my friends next year#project 2025 is terrifying and trump wants to put tariffs on everything which is going to cause prices of everything 2 skyrocket even more#and just knowing ppl are reveling in the ‘liberal tears’ aka ppl being upset that their lives r about 2 get worse makes my skin crawl#and makes me nauseous. these ppl are not human#they don’t care about Palestine they don’t care about Ukraine they don’t care about Sudan#and they don’t care about trans ppl gay ppl any racial minorities#some of them Are racial minorities and want 2 separate themselves from the ‘bad ones’#im just fucking disgusted by the ppl here voting against their own interests bc they r fucking dumb and misinformed.
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not to be true crime posting on main but i think i'm falling down the wm3 rabbit hole again
#xenia.txt#when i tell you this case keeps me up at night to this day#not even the murders themselves as much as the general public's reception to and opinions on the case 3 decades later like#i get why it;s always been so divisive especially after the pl docus came out (lots of opinions on those btw none of them are good#from the bottom of my heart fuck you joe berlinger and bruce sinofsky)#but it's truly baffling how no one is willing to do the research on what is arguably THE most well documented true crime case in recent#history like. everything that's ever been released to the general public is available online and i mean everything#you can find all the court files trial transcripts depositions interogation tapes aerial photos you name it it's out there for anyone with#internet connection to access at any and all hours of the day#and yet people are still foaming at the mouth fighting on reddit abt their innocence based off nothing but a couple of movies like#bffr with me right now!! almost every point the innocenters make can be easily debunked by scrolling through callahan for 15 minutes#'but they've been pushing for dna testing since their release so they can't be guilty' baby the case is closed!#it's been closed the second they took the plea. they can be striking under that courthouse and it still won't change a thing and they knowi#that's why they're pushing for it in the first place but that's just my opinion#^ and i say they but it's really only echols which makes a lot of sense to me personally#and if you want to talk abt dna testing let's talk abt the one that was done in 2011 and how the defense hurried to propose the plea as soo#as they got the results! let's talk abt those cause no one's ever seen them and i would very much like to#braga share the results the people want to know!!#makes me wonder which pieces of evidence they even submitted for that 2011 testing because if i'm remembering correctly#there was one that would've closed this case instantly and maybe that's why the results were never disclosed and the plea was rushed#but that's also just my opinion#and it's also interesting how the majority of people who have in fact deep dived into this case#(and i'm not talking abt big true crime youtubers as i'm very sceptical abt their research abilities)#all collectively lean towards guilty. much to think about#i was hoping someone would make another ~actually~ unbiased documentary for the 30th anniversary and go over all the case files#but i don't think that's even realistic at this point seeing as everyone and their mother has some sort of an opinion on this case#hbo deserves another lawsuit for this. they should've never won the first one in the first place#true crime tw
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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Hadina thought I had
Hades: bitch are you depressed??
Rina: no!
Hades: *lifts a brow*
Rina: ……yes
Hades: come give your big blue boy a hug snoppy boopy bear
They kiss the end 💪🐺
#HELP IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL DAYY#Disney hades#self ship#Disney self ship#disney f/o#Disney oc#oc x canon#💙hadina⭐️#🖇random things they’d definitely say tbh‼️#🖇pumpkinzz bs selfships💗#also I’m writing a fic this week because I’m depressed and no one likes me 🙈 /nsrs?? girl idk😭#SORRY IK IVE BEEN ACTING SO….passive?? I DONT MEAN TO IDJ#IM SO LONELY BRUH#I NEED PPL TO TALK TO ABOUT THEM BUT LIEK#AND NOT EVEN JUST THAT I WANT TO TALK IN GENERAL BUT NONE OF MY FRIENDS RESPOND#I NEED TO STOP VENTING IN THE HASHTAGS BRUH ITS SAD 💀💀😭
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Sometimes I wish I could just go up to my friends and be like "I watched this new show and this woman in it is so hot, I have a massive crush can we please talk about her and I show you a bunch of pictures of her to show you how hot she is???" but I'm a coward and weird about talking about emotions like that so I could never
#also my friends are never interested enough i feel#or not gay enough#well anyways#i still don't know why i'm like that#like being weird about talking about romantic stuff or sexuality that involves myself#cause i've never been shamed for it or anything#and none of my friends are homophobic#i'm just so awkward so i'd just rather not talk about it and only post about it online or just keep it for myself#like the one time i had a crush on a guy from my school i was so weird about it with my friends#where at first i didn't even know how to tell them#and then i also wanted to talk about him but i never knew hiw#*how#and idk it's weird#generally i'm irl a really awkward person and i don't really know how to maybe work on that#lea's random thoughts#btw this post is about agatha harkness she's so hot i wish i could just spam my friends with pictures of her
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accidentally grabbed the wholewheat bread instead of white bread for my hotdogs. my life is hell
#i like wheat bread i just dont. want it rn NDFNFJFJ#also my podcast is making me sad bc theyre talking abt eyecontact#and theyre talking abt how they like force themselves to make eyecontact even tho they rly dont like it bc they were talking to friends who#were complaining abt weird ppl who didnt make eye contact with them. and like ngl if a friend was complaining to me abt ppl#not making eye contact and talking abt how rude they found it Iddd actually kms. bc its painful for me i am not the eyecontact girl . at all#it genuinely makes my skin crawk i can do it for like 2 seconds at a time#but luckily i live jn Autism house with a bunch of autists so none of us do eye contact HFNRJTNFJR#but like. i get reminded that ppl outside like. find it rly rude or like. they take it as Not being interested if you dont Stare them in the#eyes unblinking for the entire conversation. like sry .#its likee . yes in general i have gotten So much fuckjng worse at masking since i dropped out#but eyecontact has always been sonrthing i vant do#si its like Wow even when i was good i still wasnt right. ok . so i will always be misunderstood and i should jump into the road?#<- the road ib front of my house like never has cars its a suburb so dw. im picturing i just jump onto rhe road and then turn around#and walk back inside.#but wtvr.
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Okay, I thought this was universal but maybe my last three therapists were right that it is not:
Is it normal for boredom to be truly unbearable?
As in, worse than anything else, would rather get eviscerated while fully conscious, will do anything to escape it which might actually include suicide if no satisfactory options are available?
#it's bad#and no it's not 'when you aren't distracted you're forced to experience existing pain'#I'm not generally suicidal. There are a lot of things I enjoy and want to do. I have plenty of problems but I tend not to care about them.#I do have things to do. Usually even if I don't want to do anything I can entertain myself since I can't switch my brain off anyways.#Literally infinite things to think about#The problem is when none of it feels interesting or exciting enough. Which doesn't make any sense at all.#If I'm unbearably bored and a friend makes the mistake of talking to me I get really toxic. It is a problem.#Usually I have great self control when it comes to destructive or toxic behaviors but not so when I want to end it all because nothing is#interesting enough.#It's like 'if I do something really extreme I'll stop because bored'#Bad things happen...#Or I try to overdose or slit my wrists#better yet is when I try to get myself killed because suicide isn't good enough.... great reasoning (disappointed)#I met three of my ex boyfriends that way#Note to self to stop fucking men i get in knife fights with PLEASE#it is ALWAYS a bad idea. Has never turned out well.#Invariably they always either have anger management/impulse control issues or they're just arrogant jerks who want to be tougher than you#sometimes both#Man really rambling in the tags here. Should probably delete that. Oh well. POST
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lmao this quote is killing me. hardcore sucks in regards to gender because women are embedded in these scenes and employing strategies to maintain their own sanity and/or are reaching for (and failing) to be taken seriously on their own terms. it is their fault punk is oblivious to gender and feminism. get ooovvveerr yourself. conscious raising should be taking the initiative to open up these musicians to a new possibility but of course they are going to be hostile if you are out the gate calling them delusion and unfeminist- these are your peers!! or they are the woman who were there before you!!!
#this but then compare to the way like tobi vail talks about the fucking go-gos lmaoooooooooooooo#earlier there was a tobi quote about how all girl bands that want to not be seen as unserious actually suck and the bands are unamed which#i find fun and ironic. bet you a hundred dollars she was refering to fire party#the general dismissiveness to fire party is so stricking to me. only pickering has been mentioned by name so far#and marcus kind of half-assed the credit with revolution summer- the quote about coining the season (instead of directly being its catalyst)#is really insufficient imo AND more importantly none of the other women. who were all connected to dc! are named!!!#further fueling these womens erasure in music history its so infuriating#i just dont think its worthwhile to pretend alllll sorts of women with varying opinions existed throughout punk#even like lefty in dc who was a black skinhead woman who beat the shit out of people. like there are dimensions! thats worth documenting.#my posts
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"They would not fucking say that" but it's "They would not fucking see each other as family"
#I sure am not gonna tag the fandom#and I thiiiink no one from it is following me so I can screm a little lmao#like gosh glad they're having fun but. pls.#Like I'm not even talking about FOUND family. Found family kinda fits.#But full on ''They see each other as parent/children 🥺🥺'' no#no they would not want to adopt/be adopted by the other#they are coworkers/boss and employees#Like. There sure are fandoms set in workplaces where the dynamics are kinda there!#But not in this one!#Like there are some JOKES sure. But like#if jokes count then I'm the husband of one friend and the twin sister of another and said other friend and I are both parents of my twin si#Like. There are none of the actual Family Feelings there!#Funniest was tho#''Nah I can't really see A and B as a ship. like do whatever I just see them as siblings.''#Which is fair in general#however#A says to B IN CANON ''Hey do you want to have sex?''#Like. nah i think they do not see each other as siblings lmao#Not saying anyone needs to ship them. idc much but i do wanna put them into situations lmao.#but like. pls. where do u get the ''family'' thing.#Anyway I yelled enough i hope these tags never reach the people who made the comments#doubt it will but. y'know.#Like gosh please continue having fun with this. I project a lot too it's fine.#but sheesh it just. does not fit.
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being aroace is crazy bc sometimes it's like. whoo yay i have such a wider perception of relationships that's so cool yay!!! and sometimes it's like. i hate this it sucks
#squishy talks too much#i love my identity as aroace. but like#i am tired of being misunderstood#i wish i didn't have to go on social media and see people saying aroace identities and relationships aren't real#i wish i didn't have to go on aroace posts and see allo people say shit that is just straight up insensitive in the comments lol#i wish i didn't have to simplify my identity when people i don't know well enough ask bc they're not gonna understand if i tell them i'm#aro and a lesbian. sometimes people don't even understand asexual and lesbian#some people don't even know aro and ace are both separate things. some people don't know there is aroace at all#and like i don't mind when they're nice and they're respectful upon me explaining but it's like. can we please acknowledge aroace people#just as a whole. to the point where i don't have to consistently explain even the *very basic basics* to people both queer and not queer#and i wish i never personally had to argue with people about whether my aroaceness is valid or not#like. people have told me my identity and other aroace identities are fake DIRECTLY and DEBATED me on my OWN FEELINGS#like it's fuckin high school english or sum. it's insane#and i wish i could look at the list of Options when it comes to relationships and like#not want to choose 'none of the above but also not nothing in general'#and. i'm just tired#WAIT I FORGOT ONE MORE#i wish people would have aroace hcs for characters that aren't just#The Token Obvious Character To Call Aroace#i wish allo people would see us as more than a few repetitive and tired stereotypes#and i wish close relationships in fiction would be seen in aroace contexts#okay that's seriously it sorry for hater-ing on main
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my back hurts after spending all day hunched over my comp working on school and art after sleeping on the couch QmQ i think i gotta stop drawing for now, but if anyone wants to send in character asks or something <:) i can do that laying down in bed
#tl posts#either ward (btw will love you forever and ever) or just general characters/questions and i can pick the character if u want ^^#gotta go take some ibeprofuen or however its spelled#(fr will die forever. i wanna talk abt ward all the time lately and none of my other friends know abt my agere)#(so i dont get to share w/ anyone but juice 💀) (even general questions😭)
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