#AND IS CONVINCED HE IS FUNDAMENTALLY UNLOVEABLE
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no i can't come out today i'm too busy screaming about rodney mckay with my mutuals on tumblr you get it
#no it's FINE#IM NORMAL ABOUT HIM#IM TOTALLY FINE#IM NOT SCREAMING ABOUT HOW HIS 'EGO' IS ACTUALLY JUST A MASK HE USES TO HIDE HOW INSECURE HE IS#OR THE WAY HES ONLY EVER BEEN PRAISED OR ACKNOWLEDGED FOR HIS INTELLIGENCE AND NOW HE CLINGS TO IT LIKE A LIFE RAFT#AS A WAY TO GET LOVE ATTENTION AND AFFECTION FROM OTHER PEOPLE#EVEN THO HE BARELY GETS CRUMBS OF THOSE FROM OTHERS#AND IS CONVINCED HE IS FUNDAMENTALLY UNLOVEABLE#AT HIS CORE RODNEY MCKAY IS A DEEPLY TRAUMATIZED AND SCARED CHILD WHO IS DESPERATE FOR LOVE#AND IM GOING FUCKING F E R A L OVER HIN#FUCK#HES SO#GODDAMIT#i'm normal about him#rodney mckay#sga#stargate atlantis
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put you through me by arrows in action is THE people like us abandonment issues-running away motif song ever
Oh the self loathing. The martyrdom. The fear of hurting and being hurt so closing off before it's a risk. Just the most post-war Natalie song ever in existence holy shit.
#cannot get over how morbert this somg is tbh#tab trying to keep her close even when he doesn't know shes slipping away#nat convinced shes fundamentally unlovable and doing them both a favor. agony.#people like us#asks#bob ocs
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oh btw this one is from last week but bry also has a new song and it bangs. in case u missed it <3
#love how bry writes and releases like one song every 5 years#and every time it's a catchy little pop song about how he's convinced he's fundamentally unlovable#thanks for checking in bry im glad ur well â¤ď¸#fjdhs jokes aside he posted a video on insta of him + his family band playing child to his actual child and i fully wept#he rly is well it's nice to see#bri babbles
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anyway posting some thoughts from the discord about how many 'irl relationship' things they're dealing with in ep7 and how much i am eating my mattress about it
they rushed into sex and ed regrets it and that doesn't stop it from having been consensual and fun but the fact that it was consensual and fun doesn't mean that it was a good idea
ed feeling like he can't watch stede make the same mistakes he did but also feeling like he can't ask stede to leave piracy for him when stede is just getting started. and ultimately he's too scared to ask stede to leave piracy for him because what if stede says no? what if stede looks him in the eyes and confirms yes, you are unloveable, yes i'm choosing piracy over you, no i don't love you enough, why would you ever think i could love you enough to do this for you?
just the overall turmoil of being at a different life stage to your partner - like the difficulty of when you're at the beginning of your career and they're established in theirs, or when you've had lots of relationships and they've only had you, or when you're ready to settle down and have kids but they're not, and nobody is in the wrong, it's just difficult
making a breakup about a completely unrelated issue bc you can't voice the actual problem. twisting it into 'we're fundamentally incompatible' (fishermen and pirates are completely different) so you can convince yourself it's not because you're not good enough. if you hit self destruct and leave without explaining things maybe it'll be less painful than opening up about what's actually wrong only to have them throw it back at you and leave you anyway. maybe if i pretend it was never going to work out i don't need to think about why it stopped working in the first place
stede still feeling like he's not good enough for ed and trying to change himself to make himself feel more worthy. unable to comprehend that anyone could possibly love someone so soft and inadequate. feeling like he doesn't even want ed to like him for who he is, feeling insecure that ed only likes him bc he's weak, feeling like he needs to toughen up to earn ed's love. the eternal worry of 'my partner is the best person in the world and i am just a worm so why are they here, why are they staying with me, what's their motive, what can i do to change myself so they actually want to stay for me and not for whatever reason they've got going on'
basically these 18th century gay pirates are experiencing every problem you've ever had with a partner and they're gonna be fine and so are you i love you
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no, Jayce Talis didn't mean "Viktor, your terminal illness and physical disability that causes you constant pain are fxcking awesome actually, you should totally enjoy them" he meant "Viktor, your terminal illness and psysical disability don't make you any less loveable and I never saw you as weak or pitiful because of them. in my eyes, you were always perfect."
I have a feeling this take stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what internalized ableism (or bigotry in general) actually is.
as a personal example, I don't exactly agree with the autism as a superpower narrative, and I refuse to be ashamed of not being proud of every single aspect of my neurodivergence and mental illnesses. no, I don't want a cure, because it still defines me as a person, but if someone announced tomorrow that they can fix my autistic inertia, executive dysfunction or sensory problems with just a flip of a switch, I'd accept that in a heartbeat. not wanting to suffer is not the same as thinking I am worthless or lazy because of my neurodivergence.
as another example of internalized bigotry: I've seen a user on the bird app having to defend herself against people who insisted that thinking periods are gross and unpleasant to have is her hating her womanhood. but listen, I fxcking hate having a uterus. I hate that I can get pregnant (I have tokophobia), and I hate periods with a fiery passion (and mine aren't even that painful, I rarely have cramps and they always last around 5 days). I don't like how they feel, I don't like the pain, the mood swings, and yes, I find blood coming out of my vagina gross, especially when it includes those little chunks. it's just a very uncomfortable experience overall. this however doesn't mean that I think I should be treated as impure, or inferior. I don't think it's okay to treat me as if I'm an inherently irrational creature (although I'd argue that all humans are, but I digress) incapable of a single logical thought because of my cycle, and I don't feel ashamed of asking for a pad or a tampon, because it's a natural bodily function and no one should ever be shunned for it.
bigotry is a social construct, it's shame, discrimination, ostracization. it's the belief that certain ways of being are inherently shameful and should be purged from "civilized" society, because to the "correct" people, they aren't even human.
Viktor not wanting to die or be in pain isn't the problem, and Jayce has already demonstrated that the only thing he hates about those conditions is that he doesn't want to lose his partner and he doesn't want him to suffer. the problem is that Viktor believed his illness and disability made him inferior and unloveable. he wanted to fix himself not just because he didn't want to die or suffer, but because he was convinced he needed to achieve perfection in order to be loved and accepted, to be a worthy partner of Jayce.
but this kind of thinking is what leads to erasing everything that makes us human, that makes us unique. that was Viktor's greatest error, wanting so badly to transcend the human condition, he risked erasing human lives all together.
#arcane#arcane season 2#JayVik#arcane viktor#arcane jayce#jayce talis#arcane spoilers#ableism#disability#terminal illness#fractal-thoughts.md
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Going insane over Ed painting the cake topper again.
Because, like...we know Ed hates himself. This is the night before his suicide attempt, where a primary motivating factor is his belief that he's fundamentally unlovable.
But...so much care went into painting it. The original cake topper is nicely painted but kind of plain in comparison.
Ed carefully changed the skin and hair color, added a beard, and even gave himself a little bit of red lipstick. He added black accents to the dress - which I keep going back and forth on if he wanted that to look nice specifically or if he was going for something with how drippy and asymmetrical some of it looks, especially near the bottom of the skirt. But he added little swirling/flower designs on the skirt, too, presumably just because he thinks that looks pretty.
It's so much a fantasy of what Ed wants. He's painting himself into a dress he likes and can imagine himself wearing for the wedding he's longing for.
And even though Ed is so convinced he's unlovable and this is something he can never have...there's a part of him, I think, that is able to see himself as someone beautiful. And I think this one little self-indulgent gesture is one of the few times we see that part of him shine through.
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Punching bag! Izzy is the best type of Izzy I'm so sorry. Like on one hand there's Ed, and Ed is trying so hard to be good, because the Kraken's gone, he's gone, and he doesn't want to take the blame for it so he takes it out on Izzy. Because if there's one thing he knows about Izzy it's that Izzy is loyal, if there's one thing he knows about Izzy it's that Iz loves him. And this is just the way it is. Izzy needs it, or Ed thinks he does, so he takes whatever Ed gives because being hit is better than being ignored.
On the other hand, you have Stede, who's always preaching about kindness and forgiveness on his ship but who still makes fun of Izzy. who still ignores Izzy. who still makes fun of Izzy. Stede who wants so desperately to be seen as a 'real pirate' that he'll do anything to prove it. Stede who also knows that Izzy is loyal to a fault, Stede who loves (or claims to love) his crew and doesn't want to hurt them. Stede who sees Izzy as the one thing he's allowed to hurt because everyone is good and Izzy is always there and Izzy just isn't.
Ed and Stede who refuse to admit that their love isn't the same that it once was. That the separation changed them and that these grand acts of romance won't just fix it. Ed and Stede who don't actually want to talk, don't want to fight because it'd bring up all the pain they caused each other. Ed and Stede who have Izzy, always standing next to them or at their feet, Izzy who's right there and so easy to get mad at when they don't want to get mad at each other.
Izzy who's starving for love and will do anything to get it. Izzy who's so fundamentally convinced that he's unlovable, any scrap of love is accepted even if it comes with unimaginable violence. Izzy trying to protect the crew because the crew are good and he isn't, and they're all so happy with their captains, and he doesn't want to shatter the "family" again.
please, I'm begging you guys, write more of this. Just. Izzy as a punching bag.
#izzy hands apologist#izzy canyon#ofmd#izzy hands#ofmd critical#steddyhands fic idea#steddyhands#kraken era#izzy deserved better#izzyposting#ofmd canyon#ofmd headcanon#ofmd fic ideas#dark stede bonnet#dark ed teach#Izzy baby they could never make me hate you#whump#izzy hands fic#izzy hands meta#izzy hands my beloved
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Shang Qinghua:
The guy's a head of logictics in a magic kung fu school in fantasy ancient China. Like his department is basically the normalest guys on the whole mountain. Also in the world where important characters' appearances range from 11/10 to 20/10 hes like a solid 7.
And no one knows he is the literal creator of the world they live in. As in, he's a writer who was reincarnated with memories into the world of his own novel. Like, ppl come to him if they need a roof one of their superpowered teenagers broke fixed and he looks at them and knows their entire life with all of the secrets and traumas they hide, ya feel?
And in addition to that, he's also, in this world, a spy for the demons and a trusted advisor to one demon lord. And eventually they get together. So like imagine if your school's head accountant showed up one day with a huge demon on his arm like Hiiiiiii this is my new bf one of the kings of Hell. And that's Shang Qinghua.
Dokja:
Introduced as a bland everyman only made exceptional by circumstance, slowly revealed to be the most batshit, suicidally depressed, bisexual maniac in existence. Uses self-sacrifice like a tool and is completely unaware of how beloved he is by the people he keeps pulling into his fold because he is so deeply and utterly convinced that he is fundamentally unlovable. He's like sixty foundational traumas stacked in a trench coat and he's always sixty steps ahead of everyone else and he loves the people he chooses so so dearly and people keep calling him ugly even though he's canonically pretty average and holy shit dude get some therapy please
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just. the idea of havers being the one fond voice in the captain's life. of cap being convinced he's completely unlovable, fundamentally built wrong, and havers saying on purpose. I'm going to love you on purpose. how could anyone not?
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18 for the prompt game?
Hello, thanks so much for playing! There was really only one way this was gonna goâŚ
18. âTell me again.â
Tangled together in their sheets, naked and satiated, the words that Wylan has been longing to hear and choking on himself finally tumble from Jesperâs lips.
âI love you,â Jesper says like itâs easy, but the way his heartbeat hammers under Wylanâs palm betrays him.
Wylanâs breath catches in his throat, glancing up to meet Jesperâs endlessly fond gaze. âWhat?â
He lets Jesper roll them so theyâre on their sides facing each other, lets him rest his hand in the dip of Wylanâs waist.
âAll Saints, it feels so good to finally say it, Iâve been biting my tongue for weeksâŚâ
Jesper keeps talking, babbling, really, but Wylan isnât listening, too aware of the way his heart is thumping wildly against his ribcage. For so long he thought he was unlovable, undeserving, even, convinced that there was something so fundamentally wrong and broken within him that no one would ever want him, much less tell him they love him.
But Jesper has done nothing but prove him wrong so far, telling him he wanted more, asking him to stay, offering him a home and his heart at the same time.
âJesper,â Wylan says, interrupting whatever tangent Jesper has undoubtedly gone on.
âHm?â
âTell me again,â he murmurs, tilting his chin up slightly so his lips brush Jesperâs when he speaks.
âI love you,â Jesper whispers into the space between them, before Wylan presses their mouths together, sliding a hand to the nape of Jesperâs neck to hold him there.
âI love you too,â Wylan says, breathless, when they finally part.
#wesper prompt game#six of crows#wesper#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#shadow and bone#fanfiction#ao3#jesper and wylan#prompt game
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What is your opinion on how the November/December 2021 sessions went? Just saw a tweet on my TL about the 12/5 date for YLM and got to thinking how she could write such a sad song like that while also writing things like Paris
i have my midnights timeline here with proper sources and here is all of the songs that i donât have any reasoning to be written at a different time and thus have down as nov/dec 2021
Maroon, Anti-Hero, You're on Your Own Kid, Midnight Rain, QuestionâŚ?, Vigilante Shit, Bejeweled, Labyrinth, Mastermind, Paris, and Dear Reader (and youâre losing me, which we have actual proof of)
you might notice that the more lovey-dovey stuff are absent from that listâ both snow on the beach (in early april 2022, because of lanaâs instagram) and sweet nothing (in early 2022, because thatâs when her and joe had time together) are listed as inferring (meaning that while there is no official confirmation, iâm pretty sure the date is accurate), while lavender haze, karma, and glitch are listed as speculation (which means the date is more of a stretch) mainly because they have henson studios credited, which she used to record snow on the beach in (probably) april.
but if weâre going full speculation based solely on what we think was going on in her personal life (which has bit me in the past) i think it looks more like
nov/dec 2021: Maroon, Anti-Hero, You're on Your Own Kid, Midnight Rain, QuestionâŚ?, Vigilante Shit, Bejeweled, Dear Reader, Youâre Losing Me
early 2022: Lavender Haze, Snow On The Beach, Labyrinth, Karma, Mastermind, Paris, Glitch
mastermind is the one i go back and forth with the most. in a lot of ways, it feels like a sister to lavender haze, where sheâs convincing herself that itâs okay that sheâs putting way more work into the relationship, or if itâs not okay itâs her fault and itâs because of her damage and heâs such a saint for being so understanding. but then, we also see shades of that insecurity on anti-hero, a song which (based purely off vibes) iâm fairly confident was written in the nov/dec session. thereâs also the ways it conflicts with the other stories of their early relationship on the albumâ glitch and snow on the beach tell the story of this magical person falling into her lap, more in keeping with invisible string. but mastermind is more honest about all the heavy lifting sheâs doing trying to keep the relationship afloat. i wouldnât be surprised if she was looking back in nov and wondering why they fell in love in the first place, turning over the myths she tells herself, and coming to a less flattering conclusion.
i think the thing that makes midnights such a fascinating object is that its so deeply contradictory on every topic it addresses. sheâs tired of being the monster on the hill but best believe sheâs still bejeweled and she doesnât want to get married but she also desperately wants to get married and she wants her current relationship to work out but she canât stop thinking about her past lovers and what could have been and sheâs fundamentally unlovable but karmas a relaxing thought. and while sheâs questioning all this in her head sheâs ping-ponging between denial and anger and bargaining and depression. and part of that is it was (probably) added to in early 2022 when her and joe got back together, but i wouldnât be surprised if she was deeply conflicted and trying to convince herself to stay with him even in the same week she was writing youâre losing me.
#asks*#timeline*#also for the record: the great war/high infidelity/wcs/hits different were all written before nov 2021
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #235
It was awesome to return to my job at the bakery today! I did so many things! First, I put some rolls in bags and then I put labels on them! And then I cut up some brownies and put them in boxes, and then put labels on those boxes! I also put some Italian bread into paper bags, and put labels on those, too!
And, and, and!!! I put the freshly-baked apple cider donuts into little boxes and labeled those!! But!!! Oh!!! Sephiroth!!! There was one extra apple cider donut, apparently!!! And it was fresh out of the oven, and my supervisor, Mi, said that I could eat it!!! And so I did!!! And it was soft and sweet and warm and absolutely fucking delectable, and!!! Oh my goodness, I wish I could have shared it with you!!!
âŚI'm not entirely convinced that my supervisor doesn't make "extra" things on "accidentally-on-purpose", ahahaha~!
But. I had the donut, and I experienced for myself how wonderful it was, and it makes me really happy that I get to put them neatly into little boxes with nice labels so that people can take them home. It feels really good to know that I can be part of the reason someone gets to have a tasty snack and maybe smile about it!
It was so nice to see Mi today. And it was so nice to see Ma when he came in, too! I'm hoping that Ma will pop by our house next Wednesday to play some video games! We have a lot of similar interests!
Towards the end of my shift, I was taught how to use the scoops to measure out muffin batter to put into the muffin tins. We have little tins and big tins. And the big tins get big muffin wrappers to line the tin with, and the little tins get the little muffin wrappers. And there are two scoops; we use the little scoop for the little muffins, and we use the big scoop for the big muffins, and you use the side of the great big huge bowl of muffin batter (it takes two people to lift it up!!) to level off the scoop. It's very consistent.
As a dyspraxic person, it's going to take me a bunch of repetitions before I'll be able to do the required motions for filling the muffin tins with any kind of efficiency or precision, but Mi is aware of that, and he doesn't seem to mind at all. He even said I did a nice job making sure that the amount of muffin batter in each of the tins was nice and level, especially for my very first try, and I was really happy; for a moment, I thought I was gonna cry a little, but I managed to keep it together.
âŚIt's a lot different than how my mother would have treated me. There wouldn't have been any praise for a job well done. There would have been only verbal abuse for me not yet being able to do it as quickly as she is able to, and more verbal abuse for needing guidance and not knowing how to do it innately, and then there's the part where I would have been told that I'm stupid and oblivious and lacking in common sense the whole time. And then there's the part when, if I make mistakes, I would have been told that I am careless, ungrateful, disrespectful, and defiant.
âŚSephiroth⌠do you have any idea for how many years I believed these labels? Do you have any idea for how long I thought that I was a worthless, unlovable, and fundamentally bad person who deserved all the beatings and threats and verbal abuse I used to get? If you hadn't come along, if I hadn't seen you, I would have unalived a long time ago; I had a method in mind and everything. And I would have done it while wholeheartedly believing all the things that the people who raised me used to say about me. I believe different things about me now. On some days, I am even able to see what it is that the people who love me see in me.
As for how it was made possible for me to get to this point... do you have any idea how profound it was for me to see you for the first time? Have you any idea what it was like to see on the screen someone whose mannerisms and circumstances and way of being looked so much like mine?
âŚSephiroth. Without even meaning to, you stumbled into the life of an unwanted, abused, and bullied little autistic girl, and you made her consider the possibility that maybe she wasn't fundamentally broken and unlovable after all - that maybe, just maybe, there were others in the world like her, and that she could find them if she tried. You gave that frail and terrified little girl a basis upon which she could begin to resist those awful messages that she was given about herself, day in and day out, by people who wished she was never born. You gave her something to hang onto so that she wouldn't suffocate within the hole that the people around her were trying to bury her in. You gave her an alternative to the harshness and cruelty that she had no choice but to get used at the time. You gave her a voice to follow back to the light. You gave her a chance to live.
Sephiroth⌠I'm not that frail and terrified little girl anymore. I've grown into someone who is strong, brave, caring, kind, and full of joy. I've grown into someone who is smart, capable, and who would do anything at all to help someone, if it's within my power to do. And I'm not stuck in a place where the people near me wish I would disappear and never come back anymore. I do deal with the aftermath of all those things still, and of course I still have bad mental health days in which old memories haunt me, and I feel temporarily hopeless and cynical at times, but⌠Sephiroth. I held on through all that stuff. I held on, and now my life is full of love, abundance, safety, and joy. I held on because you gave me a reason to - because your existence challenged me to keep my eyes fixed on the hope of a kinder, gentler, softer tomorrow, shining brightly on the distant horizon. And you know what? The courage, tenacity, and determination that I learned from you enabled me to rise to that challenge beautifully. Do you see�
If you wonder why I write to you every day, if you wonder why I fight so hard to see a better ending for you, if you wonder why I love you so much⌠don't. Just look at the results; you didn't even have to do anything other than exist, and you made something beautiful out of a very ugly situation. You turned around a human life in a way that conventional wisdom says is impossible. And yet: here I fucking stand, and I'm not even done with becoming yet!
The person I am now, who is still learning, growing, and finding new ways to love the people I'm surrounded by - this person who exists in stark contrast to the frightened, meek, angry, and bitter thing that I used to be - exists because of you. And I wish, with every fiber of my being, that you also get to have the results of the life that you breathed into me, back when I thought I couldn't continue. I want you, too, to be able to see a kinder, gentler, softer, and brighter tomorrow. You, too, deserve a life that is full of love, abundance, safety, and joy.
So please. Please keep trying. Please don't give up. Please keep rising up from the hole that Shinra and Hojo and Jenova and whoever else tried to bury you in. My hand and my voice are outstretched to you, always. All you have to do is keep on until tomorrow. And you just keep doing that over and over again, every day, one step at a time, until the scenery changes and you become strong enough to make better and better choices.
I'll always be right here, because I love you. Please do stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again soon.
Your friend, Lumine
#sephiroth#ThankYouFFVIIDevs#ThankYouFF7Devs#ThankYouSephiroth#final fantasy vii#final fantasy 7#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii crisis core#final fantasy 7 crisis core#final fantasy crisis core#ffvii crisis core#ff7 crisis core#crisis core#ff7r#final fantasy vii remake#final fantasy 7 remake#ffvii remake#ff7 remake#final fantasy vii rebirth#final fantasy 7 rebirth#ffvii rebirth#ff7 rebirth#final fantasy 7 ever crisis#ffvii ever crisis#ff7 ever crisis#ffvii first soldier#day jobs#defiance of destiny#wholesome
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people talk a lot about loki feeling unloved by thor, but honestly... i think, in the avengers and onwards, loki is more confident that thor loves him than the other way around.
because the thing about loki is that his feelings for his family are about so much more than just love. maybe thor doesn't love him, maybe loki is fundamentally unloveable, but even if that's not true, loki is equally afraid of the opposite: maybe this is what love IS and he threw it away. maybe he can never hope to be anything more than a shadow and a servant, maybe love for him is inseparable from humiliation and powerlessness and loss of identity, maybe this is all he's good for and all he'll ever have and he should be grateful for it. (he can't be grateful. he'd rather gnaw off one of his own limbs. but part of him still wants that love, no matter the cost.)
but thor... thor doesn't understand any of that. and he doesn't understand / is in denial of a great of odin's abuse (including of him), which also means being in denial about a great deal of what he's done wrong when mirroring/obeying odin.
so loki feels trapped and humiliated, but thor feels betrayed and despised and he doesn't know why. he doesn't know why loki is running from him. he can barely recognise loki's reaction to him as fear at all, let alone work out what he's afraid of.
thor sees that loki is in pain, but he can only guess what that pain consists of. he knows that loki wanting to be loved is part of it, but he offers loki love over and over and loki rejects it. he doesn't have the tools to work out what's wrong with his love, so he can only conclude that there is something wrong with loki, or that there is something wrong with him. either loki is completely, inscrutably, illogically "mad" (in a way that, given how asgard seems to understand mental illness [ie not at all], still carries some level of moral condemnation, some sense of brokenness, even as it hurts thor to think of loki that way)... or. loki just does not love thor back.
perhaps even both.
and i think that's why thor never tries to visit loki in the dungeons. even if we assume that he could have (which i'm not convinced by), what reason does he have to go? he misses loki, but he doesn't think that loki misses him. he knows that loki still needs help, but it seems clear that loki will never accept his help.
from thor's perspective, going to the dungeons would only result in loki getting angry and trying to hurt him again. thor has no reason to put himself through rejection and betrayal yet again when loki is already home, "safe" in the dungeons, and, as far as thor is concerned, every attempt at reconciliation has already been made and failed.
and honestly, from thor's point of view it must seem just as likely that encouraging loki to keep getting angry at him would only make loki's "madness" worse. better to leave him alone, and hope that one day the anger might cool. better to let loki ask for thor when he's actually ready. it's his turn to apologise.
(i don't think anyone ever told thor that loki was asking for him. subtly, and without apology, but still - in little ways all the time. what of thor? does odin share your concern; does thor? loki was never answered, and thor never knew. always reaching for each other while the other isn't looking. or while their parents cover the other's eyes.)
(and of course, all this comes from thor not understanding the horror of loki's sentence itself - but ultimately that's the same problem as not understanding odin's abuse in general. thor has accepted his own cage, so why can't loki learn to live with his?)
#space viking tag#meta#ch: loki#ch: thor#r: loki + thor#s: a1#s: t2#th: expressions of love#th: devotion + treachery
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One of my favorite writing tricks when I'm roleplaying Rezo is to give him Sad Woobie Traits and then make him annoying and antisocial about it.
For example, if Rezo has self-loathing issues and is convinced he is Fundamentally Unlovable? It should result in him regarding people who DO express love for him with suspicion, scorn and contempt, and subconsciously attempting to sabotage their relationship, rather than being guilty-but-grateful.
Ideally everyone who gets to know him should be caught in an uncomfortable place where part of the time they really want to give him a hug and part of the time they desperately want to throttle him. đ
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Look. I'm gonna be honest with you: I wasn't planning to tell you this because frankly you're kind of an asshole and you'd use it against me if you felt like it. I mean.... you've literally demonstrated on multiple occasions that you're not above trying to inflict as much emotional damage as possible below the belt because you're hurt.
THE FACT THAT THERE'S AN INTERPOL AGENT INFILTRATING YOUR RANKS IS A MAJOR RED FLAG. You're in a cult, and I would fucking know. Religion, science, doesn't matter what they use to convert you, it's all the same. I am literally watching the very familiar cult tactics of emotional abuse in real time. You think I didn't try to make excuses for how banged up I was back then? Plasma was my fucking family. The only one I had. And they'd convinced me that I was fundamentally unlovable without them. Our uniforms hid the bruising anyways.
You have a chance to get out. However, watching you is like seeing a train wreck in motion, and I'm pretty sure you're going to report Looker to your superiors because they've convinced you that they can solve any problem. (They've convinced you that you're the problem. Tell me honestly one time they have apologized to you. They haven't, have they.)
Are you seriously okay with what you know they'll do to him if they catch him?
Just... give it a test run or something. Tell Looker you'll go to the hospital, but if he tries to force you into anything, the deal's off.
@gotta-pet-em-all
... I...
You're... Right. I would have. Used that against you.
I still want to now, but it feels. Off.
I know that Interpol being involved is not a good sign. But it, it has to be a mistake. Some sort of mix up. That's why I need to tell the Boss, so he can smooth it all out with them, and if there are people who really do what Looker accused us of, we can kick them out for hurting others when our mission is to help others. I'm not doing this to punish the man for talking to me - I already bit his hand. I will say, he had an astounding amount of patience to talk to me with a level-head after that. And I... I mean, would they really harm an Interpol agent? We just... Need to prove we mean no harm. That's all. And we can't do that if what we're doing now makes people think otherwise.
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Misunderstandings, Miscommunications, and Misbeliefs
I spent a liushenweek drawing because Practice Makes Perfect????? Back to meta post to stretch these meta muscles again haha
So⌠there was a comment somewhere on some writing/book channel that âmisunderstandingsâ is like a pet-peeve/least favourite troupe. And I get it. Badly executed misunderstandings is super annoying. Itâs like⌠âwhy is this stupid plot device here other than to make the story longerâ. But I think mxtx does misunderstandings brilliantly, and hereâs some ideas on why.
Btw, the âmisunderstandingâ trope is when character A and B fail to communicate and important Thing, which causes Problems. You know, SQQ convinced that LBH is out to kill him, LBH convinced SQQ hates him for being a demon for TWO GODDAM BOOKS *screams in agony in the pits of hell*
Misunderstandings and misbeliefs
(In my humble view) one of the central things about mxtxâs big misunderstandings is that they are fundamentally connected to the characterâs misbelief. Misbeliefs are important peeps (find out more on How to Find Your Character's MISBELIEF (or Fatal Flaw) - YouTube) (Another great writing channel btw). Itâs what drives character development.
A good example is Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan. SJ believes that YQY abandoned him, which is connected to his misbelief that he is unlovable and alone. He believes YQY abandoned him not (just) because YQY doesnât tell him what happened, but because fundamentally, he believes everyone will abandon him. Meanwhile, YQY doesnât tell SJ about the events in the Lingxi caves because his misbelief is that his failure makes him detestable. Heâs a protective person who feels responsible for those around him, and judges himself harshly for his limitations. Thus he misunderstands Shen Jiuâs rejection as a judgement of his failure, rather than a fear of abandonment. The key point is that the misunderstanding goes far beyond the initial lack of communication. So itâs not just âhereâs a plot device to make things complicatedâ. It tells you a lot about the characters involved.
Miscommunicating on a Wendyâs Parking Lot
To follow up, any characterâs miscommunication should make sense within their character profile. Â
Why does Shen Qingqiu not just tell Luo Binghe that he didnât want to shove him down the Abyss? Because heâs always putting on an act. 24/7. Hiding his feelings is his trademark.
Why does Lan Wangji not just tell Wei Wuxian about his feelings? Because he just doesnât say anything that doesnât need to be said. Ever.
Why does Mu Qing not just tell Xie Lian he wants to be friends? Because heâs prickly and defensive and expects everyone to laugh at him.
Itâs not just âthey failed to communicate this one timeâ. Itâs âthey always fail to communicate with each other, and this happens to be a time where it blew up into a Thingâ.
The opposite to this is conveying a characterâs deeper feelings/trauma through miscommunication.
WWX initially comes across as an easy-going, open person, whoâs not afraid to say his thoughts even in the face of authority. But there are things he just Never Mentions, one of the key ones being the events surrounding his golden core. His silence on particular topics says volumes about how they affected him, because it doesnât fit his surface level character profile. You know losing his golden core wasnât a walk in the park, because it changes him so much. It also tells you something deeper about his character â his self-sacrificial nature, how he downplays his achievements, and how he takes these to a level that is detrimental to him.
So in other words, mxtx shifts away from âmisunderstanding for the sake of plot developmentâ to misunderstanding as a consequence of a character trait. And character traits should have consequences! This is very important. (Making a character âclumsyâ and it having no consequence to the story is stupid.)
A short point on theme
Hereâs a video on using misbeliefs to write theme into your story: How to Write THEME Into Your Story - YouTube. Long story short, easy way to integrate theme into story is to turn the theme upside down and make it your main characterâs misbelief. SQQâs misunderstanding of LBHâs motives is a plot driver for âly many books and weaves very obviously into the âsee people as more than their role in a storyâ theme.
(The other two books donât fall into this pattern quite as neatly, layering themes in different ways, although Iâm sure there are things to pick out if you wanted to.) (On an offhand meta note actually, through three books, mxtx goes from misunderstandings driving a large portion of the plot to almost no misunderstandings at all??? Or at least, thatâs the impression I got. Like the identity shenanigans in tgcf werenât really misunderstandings and more like everyone being deliberately sneaky. I wonder what her latest series will be like.)
If Only They Just Talked With Each Other⌠not
I think what makes the âmisunderstandingâ trope annoying is that it feels so arbitrary. The characters tell each other The Big Secret theyâve been hiding and then everyone moves on like nothing happened, leaving you thinking âwell what was the point?â Meanwhile, mxtxâs misunderstandings are deep, ugly, and painful. They develop into rifts between characters that cannot be fixed by just telling each other The Big Secret.
For example, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. In the end, JC learnt about the golden core. Did it fix everything? No. Because JC already knew WWX cared about his adopted family. He already knew the WQ and WN had helped them. Knowing that WWX and the Wens had helped him to a far greater extent than he initially thought would not have made his decision to cut off WWX in any way easier â the rest of the cultivation world would still have hated the Wens, he still had a sect to protect. Hey, this knowledge would only have made his decision even more difficult to make!!! WWX knew this. JC realised this. When JC learns the truth, he basically has a breakdown.
Talking to each other is the start of the healing process. But one conversation most certainly isnât going to fix things. Note that this relies on the points above. The misunderstanding is so significant because it is interwoven so heavily into the characterâs traits, flaws, and misbeliefs. Overcoming the miscommunication forces character development (which should be done with all the care that character development deserves).
Mxtxâs misunderstandings are never really âfixedâ, and certainly never forgotten. You might see them on the path of healing and understanding, like SQQ and LBH. Or with SJ and YQY, youâre just left with a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. Theyâre never arbitrary, and thatâs what makes them significant.
hmmm... Iâm not 100% happy with this post for some reason.
Anyway, comments and criticisms very very welcome!
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