#AND I'M MAKING FUN OF MYSELF FOR IT OK
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Day: 3 "Accident"
Day: 10 "On A Date"
#told some friends I'm doing this#and they're helping with ideas??#we all make fun of me though#I'm also impressed with myself with the fact that I've been doing these all on subsequent days#Two drawings a day#and it's fun#ok I'm done talking#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#shadow#sonadow#sonic fanart#sonadowtober
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Sometimes I think it's just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel. Especially to people you care about the most. Because what if... what if they don't like the truth? // Sometimes people don’t really say what they’re really thinking. But, you capture the right moment… it says more. // I didn't say it. // You didn't have to.
[remake of my very first gifset one year later]
#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#mikesbasementgifs#hiii i rly love making gifs i'm so glad i started it's been so much fun playing and learning and i'm genuinely so surprised and also#proud of myself for how far i've come in a year. theres so much more i want to learn and seeing how much i have visibly improved is#great motivation to keep pushing myself and trying new things... like this actually i've never done a set like this before dhjsfdsdjhs#also if you’ve ever said nice things about my gifs please know that i love you it means the world to me <3333333#anyway look at these gay boys they want to kiss each other on the mouths!!! (and they will!!!!!)#ok byeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Please ignore if this is too personal but IIRC you were/are dealing with caffeine addiction? I hope you're doing Ok, as a former addict I know how hard it is so wishing you the best xx
thank you for checking in!!
i'm doing very well!! i haven't cut out coffee completely bc i really don't think i can (it's been one of my daily pleasures for SO long), but right now i only have 1-2 espresso shots and i don't even have it every day anymore
also remembering that i used to have 4-6 shots per drink, sometimes multiple times a day, makes me want to throw up now which is probably a good sign ajkdhdsh
#ramble#tw addiction#i've always felt weird calling it an addiction bc like. it was just coffee and it feels like bastardising a little bit#but i mean it was a habit i couldn't live without and it was making my life actively worse so i feel like it qualifies#the fact that someone checks in on me every couple of months is very sweet :'))#if you're asking how i was like. ok. during the worst of it#amazing question. i was NOT#as someone who already has digestive issues idk why the fuck i did that to myself sjhdhdsh#i'm starting my job soon and i'm a bit worried it's going to get bad again so if it does i'll switch fully to decaf#it's not even about the energy i just like having a fun little drink in the middle of the day#so if i have to stop having caffeine completely it shouldn't be that bad#as long as i have my syrups and my milk frother i'll be grand
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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the dissociaterrrr
(They're good enough at Tetris that a couple dollars in quarters will last them a decent amount of time, but sometimes they splurge and get the $12 all-you-can-play pass. The album they're listening to is harsh noise!)
#isat siffrin#in stars and time siffrin#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#perhaps someday once he's friends with the crew they can all go to the arcade#and actually have fun trying out different games instead of just dissociating to tetris for hours in order to kill a day off <3#silverstarsart#café chick#i'm so glad i have a modern au now... a context for any modern au things i want to do... it was sooo smart of me to make café chick heehee#btw i drew all the shit on the cabinet myself#can you BELIEVE this was supposed to just be a small doodle?#me: i feel like i haven't truly drawn in ages bc i've been doing sprite edits instead so i think i'll do a quick silly doodle!#me *picks a difficult angle*#me *absolutely fucking kills it at the difficult angle*#drew that face and was like damn ok guess i'm spending the next couple hours drawing an arcade cabinet to match
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be honest everyone. am i cooked
like my art? commission me on ko-fi!
#martzipan#nagito komaeda#sdr2#making myself unemployable one komaeda fanart at a time#no excuse for this one i just. wanted to put him in a maid dress. and to draw a bunch of frills#who's he glaring at? up to viewer interpretation :3#also WAAAUUUGGHH this pose was so harddd. i wanted to REALLY foreshorten but i couldn't figure it out#so i had to tone it down. bc i couldn't find a reference either#but that's ok. bc we still had fun#this was another one of those things that i didn't plan on fully rendering. and then. welp !#anywho. i think i'm addicted to playing komaeda dress-up
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Prev // Next
Transcript and Bonus below the cut:
Phoenix: It’s been ten years, almost to the day, since I lost my mom. I’ve been thinking about her a lot since we had Aspen. Something about knowing that she’ll never get to know her granddaughter. That Aspen will never get to know her. It’s a different kind of grief that I wasn’t prepared for.
Phoenix: [wipes a stray tear from his eye] After I moved in with Julian, I would come out here sometimes. I’d sit on this bench and look out at the water, and I’d talk to her. I’d tell her about my life, that I loved her and missed her, that I was sorry for being such a pain in the ass. I even told her about Malcolm. I don’t know why this spot. Maybe just because it’s pretty here, and away from everything and quiet, but I could almost convince myself that she could hear me.
Phoenix: I guess I hoped that by bringing you both here… well, it’s the closest I could get to introducing you. Dawn: If your mom was here right now, would she prefer it if I called her Leanne? Or Miss Realta? Phoenix: [breathes a laugh through his nose] Definitely Leanne. She’d give me hell if I let you call her Miss Realta. Dawn: Okay. Well, Leanne, my name is Dawn, and I am madly in love with your son. We’re getting married in a couple of months, and I’m so excited. You’re invited, of course, if you can make it to Brindleton Bay.
Dawn: Most importantly, though, this is Aspen. She’s your granddaughter. Her middle name is Leanne, after you, of course. And, um, you should know that Phoenix is an incredible father. I wish I could’ve gotten to know you. And I wish you were here to give me some parenting advice because you clearly did something right, and I feel so lost all of the time. But I promise we’ll come back to visit, at least every Winterfest, so you can see Aspen as she gets older.
Phoenix: Thank you. Dawn: Thank you for sharing this place with us. I can see why you were drawn to it. It does kinda feel like she’s here, like she’s listening. Phoenix: [nods but doesn’t speak for fear that his voice will betray him] Aspen: [coos] Phoenix: [clears his throat] Did I ever tell you that she wanted to write children’s books? Dawn: I remember you saying she used to make up stories a lot when you were little.
Phoenix: Yeah [smiles at the memory] She was never able to pursue writing seriously because she was always working two or three jobs to take care of us, to take care of me. I always hoped she’d be able to one day, and that she’d publish her own books. I can probably tell Aspen a few of them from memory, but how cool would it have been to be able to give her an actual book?
Dawn: That would’ve been amazing. Out of all the stories she told you, did you have a favorite?
Phoenix: Oh, god, um… if I had to pick, it would probably be this one about a polar bear name JuJu that dreamed of going to Jupiter. [laughs] I remember, we were learning about the solar system in school, and we all had to do a report on a planet. I chose Jupiter. But I had a really hard time writing the report, I’d never done one before. So, she made up this story about my favorite animal, a polar bear, going to Jupiter. It was really funny and full of facts about the planet. Not only did I get an A on my report, but I made her retell the story about a hundred times.
Dawn: Aw, that’s so cute. I wanna hear it. Will you tell us the story? Phoenix: Right now? Dawn: Yeah. Phoenix: Okay, sure…
✨Bonus✨
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And, of course, Aspen got to meet her Great Uncle Julian while they were in Copperdale. She was a little unsure at first, but she warmed up to him pretty quick. 🥰
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#ok really pausing until May now#except I might have another single scene to post next month#this one gave me an idea#and I might make little posts as they get ready for their wedding#maybe wips of the venue#or a poll to help decide on her dress#idk little stuff like that might be fun#can't bring myself to disappear completely lol#I love it here too much#I'm just not able to be consistent right now#ts4#ts4 simblr#ts4 story#sims 4#sims 4 storytellling#sims 4 challenge#starsignchallenge#starsignlegacychallenge#gen1 aries#aries pt3#phoenix realta#dawn stephens#aspen realta
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I'm noticing an uptick in comments complaining that most of the current WIR fandom content is Turbo instead of the other characters and, like... you guys know you can search other characters by their specific tags, right??? Or exclude Turbo from search results by temporarily blacklisting him in your filtered tags?
Idk, it's just weird to me to be discouraging towards people making fandom content just because it's not the specific content you want to see, like, it's ok to want to see other content, but complaining about how other people aren't catering to your tastes enough instead of just making the content you want to see yourself is kinda bad vibes, y'know?? (And that's not to say that I think those comments are intended out of malice of course, I really don't think they are, I just wanted to point out that it can come off as a little entitled, as well as discouraging towards people who just want to draw Turbo, which is something that should be fine if that's what they want to do. Fandom should be fun for everybody, and there's lots of tools available to curate your experience with it!)
#Wreck It Ralph#It also doesn't help that there was a solo Fix-It Felix drawing literally right there only a few posts down from one of these posts and-#-it went ignored?? Like people are going to draw more of the characters you want if you actually show appreciation towards those posts guys#Also this isn't towards any one specific person it's a complaint I've seen like four times in the past few days and I'm like ???guys???#Like heck the entire reason I started writing a Candybug fic was because I couldn't find any SFW fics with him as a Cy-bug#So I was like “Oh ok then I guess I'll just do it myself” lol#And then there's that person who was like “I want more Ralph+Vanny content” and then drew an AWESOME VANELLOPE LIKE??#This is something I also noticed a while back with people making passive-aggressive posts about artists that don't draw Turbo chubby#Like it's ok to not vibe with that but what do you gain from making people feel bad about how they do things y'know?#Be the change you want to see in the world!! Create art for the other characters you like!!!#The one thing we all have in common is our ability to create! So if you can't find the kind of things you want to see from others then-#-try making it yourself! It's lots of fun and then you can also provide more art for other people who might be looking for what you were!#Idk maybe I'm just overthinking things I have no idea lol#I just feel like risking discouraging or making people feel bad about just creating Turbo stuff isn't the way to go about it
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Michael and Leaf Pokemon but they've suddenly been isekai'd to Sylvarant oops
The template @frayed-symphony, @ciryze and I collectively put together.
...also uh 👉👈
there's this
#the stats aren't super specific tbh#i just kinda based them off of Genis and Colette from my various saves at that point and just tweaking where i felt like it#and i know this template was more or less made for ToS OCs but since i don't have any...#...and uh.. may as well admit that this specific scenario is something i've thought about for well over a decade by this point...#uuagh just allow me to indulge in my bullshit for a moment#this applies to myself too btw#like it's perfectly ok to do stuff like this right#so why does *this* feel scarier than me posting any other kind of art?#whatever don't think about it#it's there now and it was fun to make and it took far too long to not dump it /somewhere/ for the public to gawk at#still too nervous to put this on my twitter right now though god fuck#maybe after a sleep i'm exhausted#ok proper tags time#trainer michael#trainer leaf#pokemon xd#pokemon frlg#tales of symphonia#ravinoforre
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gonna destiel kas!eddie and steve. brainwashed kas!eddie beating steve, slowly to death, and steve giving him a pleading little "ed, please, we need you. I need you 🥺" and there will also be a weird amount of romantic tension but don't worry it's in a totally heterosexual bro way
#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie#tw destiel#I can tw that I'm a spn stan it's ok don't worry I'm making fun of myself
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Guys!!! I think one of my very new characters might be trans! ftm!
He would be my very first trans character, he's also a robot (of course, when come I ever up with a non robot character?)
My mind just got blown, cuz it fits so well to him.
#Not the first one who is under the trans umbrella#I got a whole fucking gender changing species lol#Zri'Kla is one of them#Fun Fact about me: I'm also a gender changer#In the sense that I change my gender whenever I want and usually have two at the same time#Kotrulians like to do that too#Nice#Now I feel like I said too much about myself#lol#ok I'll fuck off now and make space for the actual tags#writers#writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writing community#writer#author#writerscommunity#transgender#robot#original characters#original story#sci fi#bigender#<- that's my kind of shit
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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important distinction.
Testing a few different things with this one
#I spent straight up 5 hours testing out and trying to use different animation programs and you know what#they all suck all the fun out of it for me. frame by fram 4 ever yaaa#anyways I'm thinking about trying to make like an animated short or something. might get some voice actors and everything#extremely excited thinking about it#however I fucked up super hard and I accidentally overwrote my original file with my reduced size version. so#I only have this like 500px version of this now#so if I were to use this clip I'd have to redo it anyways#but I think I wouldnt? idk. maybe I would. but either way I was just doing this as a test I dont think I'd want the same composition anyway#this is what I am telling myself so I dont get sad losing that file WHWLJGLJGLKSJG I am extremely sad about it but. its okay.#ok anyways#animated gif#2d animation#my art#digital art#ocs#my ocs#time and time again#animated#animation#gif#rough animation#adam#ttawebcomic
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.
#didn't have a big party for my 30th for reasons that were partly distance and partly insecurities/depression#this year being back closer to where my people are decided to do a big party instead this weekend#my first since my 21st (which was... a struggle for also distance related reasons and may have reinforced said insecurities)#i am having to remind myself. i am doing my best none of us get to practice this life#interrupting this to say i just mindlessly slapped at a tickle on my arm only to discover it was HUGE#not the sandflies we've been getting all day but a moth or something at least a cm big! (i grabbed it and threw it away without looking)#anyway. what was i saying. having a little moment where my insecurities are coming back in the middle of the night#and i wonder if i have - again - asked for less than i truly want because i didn't feel like anyone would give the full thing to me#but the point is: i asked for something i wanted and that's something that takes practice. and the point is: i get to try again next year a#d next year and next year. and the point is: we only live this life once but it is not a short life and there will be more chances#to celebrate with the people i love. to ask for what i want. to learn to listen to what i actually want before i make myself smaller out#of habit#but i DID ask for a party and i DID ask for someone who isn't me to host it (a thing i haven't asked for since probably my 21st tbh) and#that's already growth#and it will be fun! i'm a bit sad that no one from my most recent chapter of life can be there but it's no secret that social was hard ther#so i only have 3 friends i wanted to invite anyway and all of them live several hours away#(and one of them i knew couldn't come already when i planned it - she's at a hens party - but we talked about it and decided to go ahead)#idk. really it's ok. but part of why i'm doing this is as a challenge to my own insecurities (as well as because it will be fun!) and i#really pray this year will see some of those insecurities dwindling. that i will be able to really believe that i am lovable and loved.#that's my prayer.
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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My apologies for vanishing a bit, I've been trying to find a way around this (the amount of times I've deleted this post has gone from sad to grimly funny to just exasperating and back again) but... I still need help to pay my rent.
I don't have a silver lining this time around, but I'm not giving up. I owe it to everyone who has helped me, who has wished me well, and I certainly owe it to myself.
My offer to anyone who donates is that I will happily write a fic, provide beta reading, moodboards, or anything else you can think of. Here’s the current list of upcoming requested fics, so anyone who has given a prompt, you have not been forgotten! (and if you haven't yet given me a prompt--the offer doesn't expire. And in case the list hasn't updated yet, DO give me a reminder poke!)
Ko-fi
FOR AUGUST: $380/$800
Please, please always remember not to feel bad if you can't donate, and definitely don't donate if it would put you at risk. Your safety and happiness comes first.
#i should tag this something so that you can block if it's annoying#would you kill me for pun crimes if what i used was#berrybad#?#listen i have to make fun of myself#it's the only job i can get#ok i'm sorry i'll go now i have a fic to post
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