#AND HOW HE HELPED ME PERSONALLY
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sorry if my rambling is not cohesive, but MAN i have so much to thank haikyuu for. hinata shoyo, in particular.
the first time i watched haikyuu, i remember that although i loved hinata, he gave me a lot of second-hand embarrassment (god forbid i accidentally get an authority figure's wig blown off). i loved his drive and passion, but i felt all twisty inside whenever he got humbled or criticized. i felt uncomfortable whenever he'd start rivalries with other players out of nowhere. but it was the s2 and s4 training camp arcs that made me realize why i felt that way; hinata was the embodiment of someone i was afraid to be.
it didn't help that i started haikyuu during the last month of my last semester. it was just one humbling moment after another. i made a fool of myself during a practical exam. i kept coming to my classes and exams late. i could barely study and write papers with the same energy i used to. i delayed and eventually discontinued promising projects. i just felt defeated, that i was not as gifted, smart, or competent as everyone made me out to be. i was so so close to giving up, but watching hinata's journey somehow turned me back around.
i hated being embarrassed. i hated sucking at things i thought i could/want to be good at. i hated the thought of other people saying negative things about me, whether those are rumors or factual statements. but all this made me do was run away, stay afraid, and miss out on things that could have helped me grow.
hinata though? he realizes his weaknesses, and actively finds ways to improve himself in the training arcs. every lightbulb moment and added skill is a middle finger to everyone who underestimated him. he reflects on the valid criticism that is given to him, even if it's hard to hear. he is successful because he has the right mindset that helps him through whatever life throws at him.
since i'm starting clinical internship soon, i'm so glad that hinata (and the entirety of haikyuu, really) brought back positivity into my life. even though the uncertainty terrifies me, i am so excited and grateful for all the learning opportunities i'll have. even if i make some mistakes, receive harsh criticism, or have a hard time, it is not the end for me. i won't lose my potential just like that.
anyway, i won't be playing volleyball anytime soon, but i suppose this is my "little giant" moment. hinata, you are so loved. thank you. <3
EDIT: hello to everyone who liked and reblogged this (or are about to), thank you for all the notes! i didn't expect this to blow up at all. hearts out to everyone who's in the same boat right now. i'm wishing you all the best! <3 also, i just attended an internship seminar about resilience, mindset, and goal-setting. i realized that hinata has what's called a growth mindset! it's worth looking up if you haven't ^-^
#haikyuu#stellar speaks#hinata shoyo#hinata shouyou#THIS IS A LONG ONE. i just got emotional thinking abt hinata#and how he progressed throughout his journey#AND HOW HE HELPED ME PERSONALLY#honestly i could probably write an essay on this that's better worded and in-depth#but my thoughts demand to escape my brain NOW#so here we are#stellar the slp
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like “i'm about to tear this commenter in twain” and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#I AM LOUDLY PUSHING THE BATDAD AGENDA#anyways— add ons are encouraged i wanna talk more dpxdc with folks i just cant find any aus i really like enough to engage with#which is nobody's fault and its why im making my own content in order to reach more people#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dc x dp#dpxdc prompts#i took a ‘which batfam member are you (except its personal)’ quiz a few days ago#and got bruce wayne. and then was promptly read to filth why im most like him and it rudely but accurately explained why im the most like#him. it also consequently explained to me why i like him so much. whenever i see him in his kindest form i see a mirror looking back#anyways lots of ‘danny rejecting bruce as a parent’ aus. may i present: bruce and danny finding family in each other aus. batdad aus pls.#dpxdc prompt#dcxdp#this prompt can take place at any point of Batkid accumulation but personally i was imagining this as before Bruce has any of his kids yet#eldest brother danny supremacy and also just that one on one bonding#danny being someone who was never afraid of the dark as a kid and even less so as he got older. taking solace in it as a ghost because you#cant hide in the dark when you glow. his enemies can't jump out at him. but he can jump out at them. how can he be afraid of the dark when#the dark is where the stars like to live? there's a comfort in the shadows. there might be something hiding in it. but he's hiding in it to#blood blossoms eat ghosts headcanon#wasn't sure where i was gonna go with this at the beginning and then i caught steam.#batman casually kidnaps an orphan upon kid's request. also the kid was Actively Dying Of Poison. What was he gonna do?? NOT help him?#mister 'keeps candy in his utility belt specifically for scared children'??? no way.
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Jaiden: How did you guys even find out that, um... Chayanne's admin plays Cucurucho? [Reading chat] Ohhh, accidentally played the soundboard as Chayanne? That's hilarious actually. I wanna see the clip of Phil reacting to that.
Jaiden: I love– I love the way that Phil laughs, it's just such a hearty, genuine laugh. The few times that I've made him laugh, I've felt really good about myself! [Embarrassed laugh] Because he makes me feel much funnier than I am, you know?
Jaiden talks about silly QSMP moments and laughter. 💜
[ Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
—
TRANSCRIPT
Jaiden: How did you guys even find out that, um... Chayanne's admin plays Cucurucho? Did they just tell- tell Phil? Did- were they just hangin' out? [Reading chat] "The same username"? Ohhh. [Reading chat] "It was a mistake"? ...Wait, what was the mistake? What do you mean "it was an accident"?
Jaiden: Ohhh, accidentally played the soundboard [Laughs] as Chayanne? That's hilarious actually. [Laughs] What di- what did he say, was he just like, "Ha ha ha"? [Laughs]
[Old clip of Bad, Fit, and the Eggs] Bad: –have one of the things I'm looking for. Chayanne: [Cucurucho voice] HA HA HA Bad: What was that? Fit: You heard that too, right? Chayanne: [Cucurucho voice] NO Bad: ...What the fudge was that. Fit: Wait–
Jaiden: [Reading chat] "He said 'no'" [Laughs] That's so funny. [Laughs] I wanna see the clip of Phil reacting to that. I love– I love the way that Phil laughs, it's just such a hearty, genuine laugh.
[Clip of Phil laughing]
Jaiden: The few times that I've made him laugh, I've felt really good about myself! [Embarrassed laugh] Because he makes me feel much funnier than I am, you know?
[Old clip of Phil and Jaiden] Jaiden: Oh, that's awesome! And then it– [She gets snagged by the machine] Jaiden: Oh– Ahh! Phil: Be careful! Jaiden: AAAAAᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ — [Her screams fade as she's dragged away] Phil: [Laughs] There she goes! [Hits his desk and laughs]
[Another old clip plays] Jaiden: [Singing along to "It's Been So Long" from FNAF] It's been so long, since I've last seen my– Phil: What is happening? [Laughs, then laughs more seeing Jaiden's mask] PFTTT– [Laughs] Jaiden: [Laughing] Phil: Jesus Christ–
Jaiden: It's just like, such a good laugh! I wish I had a– a like, more-hearty laugh. You know? You know what I'm talking about? My laugh is kinda like... Uh, you know how you guys compare Foolish's laugh to like, the... window cleaner? Like a– [Squeaky window-cleaning sound]
[Short clip of Foolish covering his face with one hand and making the squeaky laugh he's known for, slapping the arm of his chair as he keeps laughing]
Jaiden: I can't do it– [Laughs] It doesn't sound like that. I think mine is like... Because like, I do like, "Hee hee hee!" and I also like, breathe in, like– [Squeaky sound] You know? So I think– My laugh kinda just sounds like... Like, after you spray the window, and you're like, cleaning it. Like, wiping it down with a cloth. You know? That's what my laugh sounds like. I wish it was more of like a, "Ha ha ha."
[Short clip of Cucurucho saying "HA HA HA"]
Jaiden: But, I mean, I'm not complaining. I don't think– I don't think "laugh anxiety" is something that I wanna– is not a path I would really wanna go down. [Quiet laugh] It's like- sometimes, you just gotta pick your battles. [Laughs]
Jaiden: [Reading chat] "You have a good laugh" Thank you. [Quiet laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#QSMP#Philza#Foolish Gamers#Cucurucho#QSMP Admins#(Sorta)#Phil#Jaiden#Foolish#September 5 2023#Timestamp: 13m 15s#Is this clip a little quiet? I can't tell if my clips are too quiet or if it's a me problem#Anyway – I've been thinking about this clip for AGES and finally stumbled across the timestamp the other day#Jaiden's got a nice laugh but I don't know how I'd describe it either#Anyways re: her comments; Phil does have a very hearty laugh. It's very warm and does make you smile#And since we're talking about laughs –#Quackity's another person whose laugh is very contagious#Pac's makes me smile too but I'll admit that's because I'm extremely biased#I'm rambling here but#If I were to very summarize those three's laughs (with my very biased opinion as a long-time viewer of 2 of them) I'd say:#Phil's laugh is very warm and friendly - and like Jaiden said - genuine#Quackity's laugh is very bubbly (for lack of a better word) It has so much energy you can't help but crack a smile too#Pac's laugh when he's embarrassed is very cute and it makes me smile
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i feel like he's choosing his words carefully bc he doesn't want it to blow up in his face but personally i think he should be legally allowed to kill the tory politicians making his criticism of them the center of their campaigns
#david tennant#of course running on 'david tennant told me to shut up one time' is probably not the most effective platform in the world#however i still think he should be legally allowed to start swinging#i dont exactly want to come off as 'someone please help the poor guy he didn't ask for this :('#bc like. he's a fairly privileged person and he acknowledges this and how even if he dislikes being at a center of controversy#he has a safety net and isn't nearly as vulnerable as others might be etc etc#However. Can someone give him a gun
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seven days a week; jungkook's birthday countdown ↳ tue: a concert close to my heart
#jungkook#jungkookedit#jeon jungkook#jeongguk#bts#btsedit#btsgif#gif#sevenjk*#maknaelinegifs#userkelli#usersky#annietrack#userdimple#raplineuser#rjshope#tuserandi#useremmeline#usermaggie#underbetelgeuse#dailybts#mint koo#shout out to my husband that actually helped me a lot with this one#asked him “babe what concert would you say it's my fave?” and he said: if it is not the green hair one i would guess any japanese one#so yeah he was so right askdaksldçsa#he more than anyone knows how this concert is special to me and in many ways...#and of course...#MINT KOO!!!!!!!!#i take this haircolor/hairstyle as personal attack idc#i will fight him
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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Thinking about how Diavolo’s feelings transcend time and how in the Nightbringer UR+ card Demon Lord’s Castle Tour this conversation happens.
When asked, “Do you wish to see your father?”
Diavolo responds:
“I suppose I do . . .” isn’t the typical reaction to how a child would feel about wanting to see their parent. Especially when said parent has essentially been in a coma for a year.
Along with how Diavolo describe his father.
It makes more sense why when you learn in Lesson 56 how Diavolo was treated by him growing up.
Diavolo can tell when others are lying but is unable to understand his father’s intentions.
Diavolo mentions that he lived a very sheltered life growing up. That from a young age his father never allowed him a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle.
His childhood friend was Mephistopheles. A demon literally RAISED to be his friend. Putting a barrier between the two because Mephistopheles would put Diavolo on a pedestal.
The isolating childhood he experienced riddled with his strict father constantly scolding him.
Despite everything MC is so important to him he wants to see his father again so we can meet.
#Demons and Humans can’t get married even in the present so it adds an extra layer him wanting to introduce us.#There’s a lot more you could add onto this (please do I’d love to hear other’s thoughts).#Like how Diavolo’s childhood affected him just look at the way he describes himself:#“The truth is I am a child in a way. A child who spends his time alone and never gets to do anything interesting.”#A lot of Diavolo’s poor behavior while not excused comes from his childhood.#How Diavolo admits to using his position to force others to do what he wants. Along with how he doesn’t like sharing.#Diavolo’s insecurities in his friendships with others.#Mainly Lucifer and Barbatos which makes sense with how they happened.#IE Forcing Barbatos to become his butler and the oath/deal with Lucifer regarding Lilith.#It’s clear Diavolo is very lonely and carrying a heavy burden.#I like that MCs presence is helping him change into a better person.#Also I don’t think Diavolo hates his father their relationship just isn’t good and very complicated.#Diavolo is such a wonderful character if you have any in-depth posts about him please tag me I’d love to read them!!!#I AM FILLED WITH SAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT DIAVOLO TONIGHT!!!!#Obey Me#Obey Me Spoiler#Obey Me Nightbringer#OMSWD#Obey Me Diavolo#Diavolo#MaddyMajolish#Is it obvious I can’t sleep because I’m riddled with Blorbo thoughts
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THE HEART KILLERS (2024-2025) เขาจ้างให้ผมจีบนักฆ่า dir. Jojo Tichakorn Phukhaotong
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#tuserhidden#tusersilence#tobelle#userrlana#userlinnea#vishingwell#zeystuff#gif: thk#you know what I wanted to upload this despite maybe there is already the same set out there... which I rarely upload anymore if I know#but I have things to say about this scene... I feel like this is the first genuine conversation they had in all the episodes so far#as the cautious guy Fadel is he must've searched style beforehand (which we don't see but he must've) so which also means he knew about#his mother not being alive and yes obviously also him working at the garage but this is the first time fadel asked style things out of#curiosity... (even if he knew in my opinion) and style being so comfortable with fadel that he forgot that he's talking to a hitman#it's the guy he's interested in. he forgot for a split second whom he talking to and trusted him enough to tell all about these#things about him which is kinda personal at least for some yet here we are with one who's trusting the other enough to tell things#and fadel is surprised!! no one can convince me otherwise I might be delulu but like i said i believe he already knows all of this#yet he asked and didn't expect that style would be so open about all this to tell him this the 6th and 8th gif tells a lot#fadel is still trying to figure style out but I feel like the conversation here and at the garage where fadel saw himself#style in working mode and how he helps out a lot at the garage and the conversation how his dad became his most important person#added a lot to his trust barometer when it comes to style. he sees him in a different perspective. light whatever you wanna call it#but it definitely trust his view on style a bit. I already talked a lot under my own set so I'll stop
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How it feels to not like timebomb after s2
#I'M NOT A HATER I SWEAR I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE IT ON PAPER#i do however think that it came literally out of nowhere and was hella rushed and kinda ridiculous#like. if the argument is that original ekko fell in love with jinx it doesn't make sense because they were enemies for most of their lives#if the argument is that current ekko fell in love with au powder and now projects these feelings on jinx it's kinda uh. messed up#because she's a whole different person. entirely. it doesn't matter if both these version started out as a 9-year old powder. they had#extremely different lives and experiences and thinking that “there's still this kind of powder in jinx deep down” is straight-up awful#OR even if he didn't project his feelings for powder on jinx why would he love her in the current universe? last time they met she blew them#up and now she wants to commit suicide. there's literally no reason for him to have any kind of feelings except the slight friendly#affection that's left from all those years ago. and yet the show and most importantly the fandom treats them like a couple??? i don't get it#also it's kinda insane that s2 turned jinx and ekko into flat shipping material#again. obviously i have nothing against the shippers and do not condemn it in any way. i'm just expressing my thoughts on the matter#also what pisses me off the most. is how in ep9 jinx in fully painted with ekko's symbols here and there. has the bandage (?) on her chest#like vi. has a hood that looks like a drawing that isha made. and yet there's no fishbones or any reference to silco at all#i mean. i get it s2 hates him but i can't help it#they gave her all these relationships and pretended that they're significant to her and yet they didn't have any proper development#to really earn it#arcane critical#arcane season 2#anti timebomb#jinx arcane#ekko arcane
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My favourite hot take is that Simon adapts way better to being a civilian than Johnny does.
Johnny went and left for the army the second he could do so, relentlessly pushed his career and is, most likely, rarely not on base unless he's been told to fuck off or move his arse home (by either his superiors or family).
Simon on the other hand finished school and then took up an apprenticeship before joining the army. Even then he came home, took prolonged leave to help his family out. He spent way more time just living that reality. And even post Roba he was at home for a while before everything went to hell. He might not take a lot of leave since, because he has nothing to come home to, but he still knows to adjust to it.
If they take leave together Ghost settles remarkably well, still keeping an eye open but he's an adult who had time outside the forces to properly adjust to life.
Soap struggles. He gets by with his charm and bright blue eyes, and that's a good thing because he's too explosive, too intense for most normal social interactions.
He's caught somewhere between the 18 year old boy and the hardened SAS soldier and never spent enough time away to really grow into just John MacTavish. Not Sergeant, not Soap, not the FNG. Just him as a person outside of the military.
He navigates this part of his life like its a minefield. Making it through but boy oh boy, it's not looking graceful.
Ghost helps him mellow out in that regard, pointing out the messy weird mechanics of normal civilan life to him. Teaches him to enjoy that and not let his job ruin him. Simon who knows how quickly it can all fall apart can't help to see the beauty in the peace most people get to experience. He'll be damned if he can't share that beauty Johnny. Even if it's always just for a little while.
And because it's Ghost, who never steered him wrong Soap let's himself be led. Allows himself experiences outside of work and his family. And while he might not be eager to admit it, it makes him a better person.
And years down the line when they both made it out, last mission just one too many that was too close for comfort, all of that helps John MacTavish to adjust. Sure he mourns his life in the military, someone like him is bound to, but he's not too worried. He knows how to get by now. And even the days where he feels very out of his depth, he can approach with ease. Because he still has Simon at his side to show him the way forward.
#this is not meant to infantilise soap#he's a grown and very capable man#but most of his potential he put into his life as a soldier#so he might need some help to realise he's allowed to put as much and more into his personal life#also an interesting twist on how people often portray these characters#i get why it's done but ghost struggeling so much with a life he’d be more familiar with than johnny is weird to me#one of them is the youngest ever SAS operator and put all his time into his work#and its not ghost#ghostsoap#soapghost#simon ghost riley#cod mwii#john soap mactavish#johnny soap mactavish#cod mw2#cod#cod hc#ghoap
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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#i kept... procrastinating........... sorry to everyone who gave me a character for taking so long....#my art#digital#worm#wormblr#i like.. most of these 👍#ive struggled a lot with my alec design but i think im finally starting to get somewhere with him#that specific emma is from arc 5. her dad mentions taylors moms death and taylor lashes out and emma cant help from smiling#so she leans forward on the desk and covers her mouth#the sleeper.... ok so his whole deal is intentionally vague in canon#because someone told wildbow he doesnt need to explain every single deatail about every cape that shows up#so i was able to do whatever the fuck#basically his power is visually described as a not-rainbow storm thats large enough to cover a good chunk of a large city#out of canon wildbow says the only capes whod be able to survive his storm would need to be indestructible or have an impenetrable mind#so i thought yo. i recently watched a video about a short scifi horror story about how certain fractals make people die from looking at the#and the only person who didnt die from seeing the worst one had trained himself by looking at less dangerous fractals#so.. there the sleeper is ig.. a vague figure in the center of a giant fractal mess#i didn't INTEND for aisha to be looking at alec but no harm no foul. its kinda cute#anyway i spent most the day finishing this and now i think i dont wanna draw digitally ever again?
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can’t talk about it
[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.
Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."
The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"
The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."
The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."
The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."
The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]
#vashwood#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#Theyre both thoroughly exhausted tired individuals -- vash having to fight this lonely battle for over a hundred years and getting dragged#back into inevitable situation with knives after a 2 years hiatus of being a gunslinger. they both need so much Rest and comfort in this#department... .SIGHS. BUT I JUST THINK ABOUT WOLFWOOD . AND HOW... LITTLE He has existed on no man's land. how majority of his years being#alive is being used as a weapon and to kill when him at his very core is the most giving and selfless individual ever#badlands rumble inspired me a bit but i do think wolfwood gets dragged into occasional tasks from the eye of michael while on his duty of#guiding vash -- or i think that one chapter where we got to see other members of eom -- there's like a clear division within the eom too#i think.... so i figured similarly to vash but not to the same amount -- there are people that look for wolfwood too. but most of the time#it's probably wolfwood that has to look for someone else and take them out. i feel like it happens ever so occasionally.#evidentially these two don't talk enough canonically but they always know how to express things properly to affirm that they're okay#they have the worst time ever sharing burdens - can't willingly burden the other and has neeever asked for help or reprieve in their#desperate situations... vw is a huge case of right person wrong time syndrome so they just. in the time they get to spend together -- even#if romantically - they don't have enough time to heal to get over that kind of hurdle. They've just never asked for help in all the years#they've been alive -- they don't even know how to and its just aughhhsgskg#and well! they don't even need to ask! because they'll be there for each other anyway at the end of the day -- company and presence alone.#ruporas art
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take responsibility
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing jimmy#i didnt draw jimmy's face bc i hate his ass#they should uhh take responsibility or whatever#me personally?#i think curly is as much of an accomplice with jimmy because he had refused to help anya#copying this from a comment to kinda explain my thought process#what if#jimmy assaulting anya in front of curly and she look to curly accusing and pleading as if he could save her#kinda like bringing the horror act in front of curly will makes him realize how horrific the act hes pardoning for is#and i want he to look at anya because shes looking at him asking for help and he didnt help her#anya asking him to take responsibility#no colour cuz im kinda busy rn#i think the crew should take turn beating jimmy to death with a rock#coming back to add that#yes curly is experiencing the similar situation with anya#like in this she is in front of him but jimmy is behind her#hes behind both of them and if anya wasnt in the picture jimmy wouldve pose as the assailant to curly in this situation#which he is! he is abusing BOTH jimmy and anya#i kina wanna show how anya and curly situation parallel one another#theyre in the same sinking boat of a situation
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RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1
Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.
#going to start a small 'series' where I document stuff I learn that is otherkin specific. This is for myself as well as anyone who might#be struggling with things I used to/am working on(otherkin specific). hopefully this will reduce any mental pitfalls other otherkin may#fall into as they explore their identity and help out someone.#this 'rule' took a LONG time to fully understand and grasp. for the longest time I would consciously or subconsciously#think I was less Loki if I did or was something 'Loki would never do. until i realized I do exactly and experience exactly what Loki does#and experiences because...Im literally Loki. (talking about incarnations here). I felt pressured to be a certain way because 'Loki would#never (insert). being aroace is on of them. i tried to convince myself I wasn't aroace#and when I finally ran out of reasons i felt i was 'less Loki' because mythologically hes like the opposite. but Loki IS aroace. because#Im Loki. and Im aroace. so loki is SUPPOSED to be aroace because Im loki and im being exactly how loki is being. because im loki. being#myself. therefore being exactly like Loki. again - incarnation.#anyway....if anyone else struggles with this I hope this helps someone. its a really sucky place to be in honestly.#godkin#deitykin#alterhuman#otherkin#divinekin#nonhuman#alterbeing#therian#I think I will be learning a LOT more as I keep exploring and I will note down any 'rules' I learn - more like lessons but rules personally#sound more right for me. rules i will live by (yknow unless i find out im wrong but...im going to trust myself more and right now i feel#like this rule is true. so im using it as such unless i find out im wrong in future.
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