#AND HIM BEING THE EMBODIMENT OF A RESTRAINING ORDER WAITING TO HAPPEN

[1nt3rnalpu7ref4ct10n]

s1e1

[nestasgalpal]

Consequences Part 2

Fixing ACOSF Part 4

Masterlist | AO3

Summary: This is the second part of Consequences, Cassian’s POV, to keep the consistency untill they arrive to the mountains.

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Cassian had gone to the river house.

That had been his third mistake of the day. The first had been how clumsy he’d been in asking about a sword name, prompting Nesta’s suspicion. He hadn’t been able to lie to her, so he’d told her everything.

The second mistake had been letting Nesta hide in her room and not barging in to speak to her. Letting her take a bath, thinking it’d cool her off. He’d done the same, and when he’d emerged, he’d followed her scent to the floor with the exterior stairs, where the door stood open.

He had no idea if she had made it out or if she’d collapsed within, so he’d taken the steps, too. All ten thousand of them, her scent fresh and furious.

She’d made it to the bottom. The door had been left open.

He’d launched skyward, knowing he’d have trouble tracking her scent in the bustling city, hoping to spot her from the air. He assumed Amren was working at the river house, so that was where he’d gone.

Only Amren wasn’t there. And neither was Nesta.

He’d reached Rhys’s study when word came. Not from a messenger, but from Feyre—mind to mind with her mate.

Rhys was at his desk, face tight as he silently spoke to her. Cassian saw that look, knew who he spoke to, and went still. Neither was here, which meant they were probably at Amren’s apartment, and if Feyre was giving a report … 

Cassian whirled for the doors, knowing he could be there in a two-minute flight, praying he’d be fast enough—

“Cassian.”

Rhys’s voice was a thing of nightmares, of the darkness between the stars. 

Cassian froze at that voice he’d so rarely heard, and never once directed at himself. “What happened?”

Rhys’s face was wholly calm. But death—black, raging death— lay in his eyes. Not a star or shimmer of violet remained.

Rhys said in that voice that was like hell embodied, “Nesta saw fit to inform Feyre of the risk to her and the babe.” Cassian’s heart began thundering, even as it splintered. Rhys held his stare, and it was all Cassian could do to weather it as his brother, his High Lord said, “Get Nesta out of this city. Right now.” Rhys’s power rumbled in the room like a rising storm. “Before I fucking kill her.”

At that, Cassian snapped.

But something new hit him a fraction of a second later, soon enough that his legs didn't have time to move, and he didn't have time to launch against his brother and rip off his head. Cassian didn't know what it was, but it felt like a tangible knot in his head. He could feel his very soul fighting his body, every thought in his head gone, but two that were conraty to each other. His body wanted to respond to his High Lord giving him an order. And at the same time, something stronger than that crackled through that impulse to obey, at the sound of Nesta’s life being threatened.

Panic spreaded through the warrior's head like it had never done in a battlefield where he was surrounded by death and chaos. Not because he didn’t know what to do, but because he didn’t know what would happen to him once he did. The idea of Rhysand’s magic —the suffocating dark mist that was now hovering around him— even comming close to her made his blood boil.

It was a conscious effort to restrain himsef from moving, but it was an instinct to say “You won’t lay a finger on her.”

You won’t lay a finger on my sister. Feyre’s voice resonated in his head at the same time he spoke. She had been listening, her mind conection with Rhysand still open.

Cassian looked at the High Lord —because it was not Rhys, his brother, standing behind the desk. He was the ruller of the Night Court, the Nightmare. His face was a mask of fury, his eyes two infinite voids. Cassian could tell he had listened to Feyre’s warning too. He had understood that his mate’s words were meant for him, not for Cassian.

The warning hadn’t come from Feyre, his friend. No, she had been the Night’s consort, the High Lady who now ruled the Night Court. Rhysand’s equal.

Feyre and Rhys had never given him contradictory orders before.

Where are you? Is she with you?, Cassian asked her.

When Feyre didn’t answer, he glanced at Rhys again. The death promise still glimmered in his eyes. Without a second thought, ignoring the soldier inside him who wanted to fall in line in front of his superior, he run out of the house and launched for the sky.

He went to Amren’s apartment, and from the sky he could see Nesta running down the street. She was not going fast, her steps clumpsy and heavy, as if her head was somewhere else and her body was moving on its own, escaping from the place where it all had happened —not knowing where to go next.

Feyre was right behind her, not running either, but walking fast enough to make Cassian speed up. He had to take Nesta. Take her away from Velaris. Take her away from Rhysand’s reach.

Even if he wanted to, he knew he wouldn’t survive a fight against his powers if he unleashed them. And he refused to die like a proud fool and leave her to face him alone.

Cassian was so close he could see the tears coming down Nesta’s pale face.

But Feyre was faster, and both females vanished before his eyes.

Cassian landed with a growl. They were nowhere to be seen. Amren was on the door of her building, Varian by her side, naked and with wide eyes fixed on him. The tiny one had that threatening glimmer of hers in her pupils, but it didn’t scare Cassian one bit.

We should have never voted something like this. We shouldn’t have voted anything regarding Nesta’s future. We can’t keep this kind of things from them, Rhys. Cassian let the words float in his head, hoping that his brother was listening. He was enraged, the Lord of Bloodshread in him battling to come out. The same rush of adrenaline he felt in battle pushing him to move, to find her, to fight him.

Rhysand was furious too, but it was not the same. Rhys had been the one to order them not to tell Feyre. He was paying for his own mistakes. Cassian had always wanted to tell Nesta. It was not fair, that he got to make decisions for everyone and then they were the ones paying for it too.

Cassian wanted to go to the river house and make his High Lord pulp, but he forced himself to cool down —to think.

It took him a while. It was not a rational thing what moved him, but something primal, something that somehow felt as natural as breathing.

Between all the mess, his High Lord’s rage, his High Lady’s sorrow, Amren’s madness —he only wanted to find Nesta and take her home. He didn’t want to keep anything from her ever again. He wanted to share everything he had.

Cassian run his fingers through his hair, taking deep breaths, relaxing the tight muscles of his neck.

I know, Rhysand said at last.

When his brother deigned to answer, Cassian was still in the same spot on the street where Feyre and Nesta had disappeared. He had figured out by now where they were, but he didn’t dare going. Cassian knew Rhys wouldn’t dare either, so he gave the sisters the time they clearly needed and wanted, and told himself Nesta was not in danger.

He wouldn’t allow it.

When the sun started to set, Cassian finally made his way to Feyre’s painting studio in the city. He walked, needing to get lost in the bustle.

Cassian, Feyre’s voice was again reaching for him. He let his mental shields down so she could come inside. What do we do?

What does she want? He answered.

To disappear, it seems. Her words hurt. Because he knew they were true.

Just then, Cassian had an idea. He told Feyre everything.

For the last stretch of the way to Feyre’s painting studio, Cassian launched skywards. In the air, he discerned Rhysand's figure heading for the same place. They didn’t speak as they landed simultaneously. Cassian could scent both Feyre and Nesta inside the studio, as could his brother.

The High Lord’s mask of anger was gone, thought he remained serious, his face tight. He didn’t glance at Cassian. It was probably for the best. Cassian didn’t look in his direction either.

They had to wait for a while longer than he had anticipated. Cassian was anxious. Not enough to knock on the door or send another mind message to Feyre, but enough to annoy Rhys, apparently. His brother finally knocked on the wooden panels.

Cassian could tell Nesta’s scent shifting at the sound, but besides her anger and her arousal, he still had trouble discerning what any of those nuances meant. She surely knew who were waiting outside.

The door opened, and Feyre came from inside the studio. Nesta was right behind her, but even if it was Feyre leading the way, Cassian saw Nesta handle herself as she had been doing the day they first met. The crying female he had last witnessed in the street, nowhere to be found. She had her shoulders back, her chin up, and that look in her eyes she yield against every soul who dared looking into Elain’s direction in the past.

Only that threatening glare was now shielding Feyre.

From Rhysand, he realized.

“Let’s go home” his brother said. “I’ll explain everything.” He was not begging, his voice absent of emotion, but his eyes were.

“You really didn’t plan to tell me” Feyre’s tone was accusatory, yet her pain was undeniable.

Cassian eyed at Nesta. If she had seen him, and she must have, because he was only six feet away from Rhys and her sister, she was doing a pretty good job pretending she hadn’t. Did she know that he had been about to fight his High Lord for her?

“I was looking for a way to save you life. I thought I would find something to calm your fear, so we would have something to hold onto when I told you.”

Had Feyre told her sister that he had disobeyed a direct order from his High Lord to go find her? His voice, the death promise in his tone. Cassian had never before, in over 500 years, been the target of it. But only in that moment, watching her stand besides her sister, unmoving, as Feyre faced her mate, he realized that Nesta had, in fact, endured Rhysands’ tone before.

It had been months ago, when they told her she was being sent to the House of Wind with him. Rhysand had disobeyed Feyre’s order to remain quiet and leave her sister to her, and he had used not only his voice, but his dark power on her —and Cassian had done nothing about it.

Cassian had only asked him if his misconduct would get him in trouble, and his brother had laughed, knowing that he only had to take Feyre to their bed to earn her forgiveness.

The chill in his bones when Rhys used it on him still resonated in him. How had Nesta felt?

He barely heard what Feyre was saying, what Rhys was answering to defend himself from what she spat at him in anger. Their conversation was just an echo in the back of his head, as he just got lost in his own thoughts and kept looking at the female who occupied them. The times he had failed her.

“We could have done that together” Feyre was not giving in one inch. She was mad, and no compliments and necking would get her mate out of this one. “I can’t believe I had to find out like this, Rhys. I thought I could trust you.”

Every word from her mouth cut a little deeper into his defenses. He hadn’t cooled down entirely before coming here, and it showed.

“She…” He signaled Nesta with a graceful movement of his head, but each syllable contained poison, disdain and disgust “only told you because she wanted to hurt you, Feyre”.

“I expect my sister to be hurtful. I didn’t expect your lies” Cassian could see his brother’s heart breaking so clearly, he felt it too. “Leave her out of this, Rhys, or you’ll only make it worse for yourself.”

Rhysand said nothing, his arms crossed over his chest, defensive. Proud. Cassian knew his brother was in pain, and Feyre knew as well, but he said nothing, and took in his mate’s words, not arguing with her —not questioning her authority to tell him off and be mad at him.

“We’ll talk later. At home.” Rhys nodded, the dip of his head almost unnoticeable. That was enough for him to know that, angry as she was, Feyre would still go back to the river house —to him. Feyre hesitated for a second, lost in her mate’s eyes. Cassian knew they would talk things out, comprehension as their banner. She would talk to him, he would talk to her and they would get over it. They would open to one another, as they always did, and that blind trust they embraced when bearing their feelings would be the key to remain together, stronger every day.

He doubted it would be easy, to get over such a delicate situation, but he was confident they would.

Because if they couldn’t solve their problems, then how could he—

Come in, Feyre said into his head. She went back into the studio, leaving the door open behind her. Nesta followed.

Cassian obeyed his High Lady. He closed the thick wood doors, daring to glance one last time at Rhys. The death that had cloaked his eyes when they met in the river house was gone, regret filling his pupils now. With his own heart aching, not only for him, but for Feyre… for Nesta, he left him outside.

As he entered the room, Cassian knew this was about to be a breaking point for Nesta. For both her and for him —for their relationship. What she wanted to do with herself —what path she wanted to follow, for better or worse— was her call, and him and Feyre could only help her see her options and stand by her side while she made it.

Keep reaching your hand.

She was sitting in a fancy couch in the opposite corner of the room when he made it to the sitting area. Her back was straight and stiff, her inner walls up to the sky.

He waited for Nesta to look at him as he approached, but she didn’t. Her eyes were on the door behind him, her expression unreadable. Her face was blank. There was nothing in her posture, either, that could tell him where her thoughts where.

Somehow, Feyre could read her sister better than him. “He is not going to hurt you”, Feyre whispered, sitting beside her older sister.

Rhys.

“This time” Nesta’s voice was raspy, hatred tinting every syllable.

He said nothing. Cassian himself had hated him that same evening. Nesta had opened up about Rhys only once to him, her rage coming out of every pore of her body with such fierce that even Azriel had prepared his shadows to attack.

Not to defend. To attack.

She had made her point clear enough. He didn’t need a reminder of her reasons.

Cassian’s answer was quick, his words sure “Ever. We won’t let that happen.”

Nesta finally looked at him. Those grey eyes piercing through him like he was made of clay. There was no hiding from that stare that sometimes simmered with the hottest fire and others burned like ice.

The female in front of him was looking directly into his soul, looking inside his heart, trying to find any trace of lies in his words —And found nothing. He was telling the truth: he wouldn’t let Rhys or anyone, hurt her.

Something like sadness lit her eyes for a moment so brief he doubted if it had actually been there.

“We were discussing my imprisonment when you two arrived” she said, her tone flat, unbothered. Designed to hurt him and push him away.

Had she thought, maybe, that he had been accompanying Rhys there? That he had been waiting outside for half an hour for him, and not because he was dying to see her?

To realize that she didn’t trust him —that he hadn’t proven himself worthy of her trust when it came to his High Lord, hurt more than her words could.

“We were discussing how we were wrong in our methods, yes” Feyre corrected the phrasing, her own words careful.

“I thought you liked the House” She even talked to it, she couldn’t deny how comfortable she was now between those walls.

“I like it there now. I only wished you hadn’t forced it on me.”

“You wouldn’t have agreed to it.”

Feyre’s entire body shifted to face him. The warning in her eyes —not a threat, only a warning so he knew not to touch the subject— was not needed. He knew he shouldn’t have said that hallway through the sentence.

“No, I wouldn’t, but that would have been my choice.” Nesta’s voice remained the same note, to all appearances unaffected. “It doesn’t matter how much you… think your crafty plans can help me, you still can’t make choices for me. You can’t discuss me like I’m a tool, a piece of the Trove, or the Cauldron. Like I’m an item to be careful with. To use to achieve a goal.”

Nesta refused to acknowledge him, her beautiful eyes on Feyre, as if the two of them were still alone and she had been answering to a question made by her sister.

“We aren’t using you, Nesta”

“It feels like it.” The way she refused to look at him, the obvious tension between them that she was creating, only made her words reach deeper into him. She blamed him, too. Of course she did, he had been part of it… still was. “You are moving me around like a puppet to make me fit into the ideal life you all want for yourselves. I’m not taking that bullshit anymore.”

It was not a question, and it didn’t matter how strongly Feyre resorted to her High Lady voice, the aura of power she could conjure around herself: Nesta was not asking them for permission, she was informing them of how things would be from now on. She was drawing a line in the sand she would not cross.

Cassian nodded in agreement, not sure if she could see him, but knowing she was perfectly aware of his presence besides her.

“Does that mean you want to quit your training? The library?” He asked.

“I’ll keep going to the ring everyday as I do now and attending my chores for Clotho. For my friends who joined me. And for myself.” Her words were sharp, letting him know that he had nothing to do with her decision. She was still trying to push him away. It didn’t work. “But from now on, these decisions have to be mine. I choose.”

Feyre reached her tattooed hand to her sister. Nesta shook it, sealing the deal. Not a bargain, though. There was no need for magic here. This agreement rested only in the trust they had built. Cassian had to resist the urge to smile at the gesture, the progress.

“So…” Feyre started speaking again “Cassian’s offer. Shall we do it?”

Nesta said nothing, but without looking at him, she nodded once.

After the war he hadn’t soughted her, they had all agreed to give her space. And by the time he realized it was not working, it was already too late. She was taking males to her filthy apartment almost every night, drinking too much, eating too little. Cassian hadn’t known how to come closer again… so he hadn’t tried at all.

He was trying now.

He only hoped he wasn’t too late.

That nod was all Cassian needed: her approval to the plan. One more chance. He wouldn’t screw up again. He would remain by her side this time, and then remain there forever until she was out of the pit she had fallen into.

It took an afternoon speaking to her sister to find the one bridge between them none of them had burned yet. Cassian would have days. It seemed like a lot, but he could only pray to the Mother, so all the time they would have alone in the mountains was enough for the two of them.

“Have you ever gone hiking?” He asked with a grin.

Nesta opened her mouth, her grey eyes still avoiding him, but Feyre was quicker with her answer. “She has.” Cassian’s attention were fixed on Nesta. He was not looking at her either as Feyre spoke, but he knew her hands became fists, the rest of her body halted at her sister’s words. “She went all the way to the Wall for me, back when we lived in the Mortal Lands. To save me from Tamlin.”

Cassian had never heard that story. He didn’t know Nesta had tried to rescue Feyre.

He remembered the painting Feyre was finishing the last time he had been in this exact same room, the too thin body of a young girl, the ribs showing through her skin. That had once been Feyre, the brave huntress that was now part of his family. But it had also been Nesta. Yet she had found the courage to go all the way to the Wall.

A coward. Nesta was terrified of going down in history as a coward. But she had never been. She had only been a frightened young girl.

The two sisters shared a stare as intense as Nesta’s silver fire. Feyre’s eyes glimmered full of feelings that Cassian couldn’t even pick out… they were not for him. Whatever was going on between them, through that stare, it was not for him to witness. It was not for him to interrupt.

Nesta’s eyes finally drifted to him. Cassian held out his hand for her, and she took it, her fingers cold as death. Her grip was light, but his was not. Cassian held Nesta’s hand tight, as if he was afraid she would vanish again if he let go of it.

He helped her get up from the couch. Nesta shook her hand free from his as soon as she was on her feet.

At that, he said nothing.

“Take your time out there. Come back when you are ready. I’ll be waiting for you, Nesta.”

“I love you.” The sudden words aimed at Feyre took him by surprise.

They didn’t shock her, though. Feyre gave her a wide smile, showing her teeth. “I love you too, sister.”

Nesta walked out of her sister’s studio as if her legs were too heavy for her body to move them. Cassian followed in silence. He put an arm on her back and the other behind her knees, took her in his arms, and swept them into the sky.

She didn’t fight him, didn’t say a word. Just lay in his arms, her face cold against his chest.

Cassian soared over the House of Wind to find Azriel there, hovering in place, a heavy pack in his hand. Whether that had been from a separate warning from Feyre, or Az’s own shadows whispering, he didn’t know.

Cassian grabbed the pack, looping it around a wrist and grunting against its weight as he kept hold of Nesta. Az didn’t say anything as Cassian careened past, into the autumn skies.

And did not dare look back at the city behind him.

[turtle-steverogers]

I Watched TWS for the Millionth Time So Let’s Over-Analyze This Shit

-TFA theme at the beginning 🥰 (that theme is so fuckin good)

-Sam’s lil jogging route around the Tidal Basin/Mall

-Steve being sassy , just as a general

-Steve’s sadness errands

-Sam relating to Steve on the soldier front and making him feel seen

-Just. Sam Wilson

-The way that Steve’s to-do list in the movie varies from country to country (For instance, the UK list has Sherlock instead of I Love Lucy and The Beatles)

-Also I wanna know Steve’s thai order

-The fact that this whole exchange is happening at 6:39 am

-Natasha drives with all the recklessness of a 16 year old that just got their license

-Stealth Suit Stealth Suit

-Steve deflecting Nat’s date suggestions

-Steve’s aversion for parachutes...reckless endangerment ✨

-Steve speaking/understanding at least a little french

-Tony having designed the Helicarriers to have arc reactor power instead of turbines because “he got a close up look at the turbines” in The Avengers 2012 when he got caught in them

-“This isnt freedom, this is fear” aka the embodiment of Steve’s character

-Steve’s exhibit being in the Air and Space museum even tho he flew a plane once and crashed it

-Bucky’s display having two different birth years (1916 and 1917. the correct one is 1917)

-In the little video of Steve and Bucky, Sebastian Stan was saying “We *are* friends” after the director told them to “act like friends” for that shot

-Steve acknowledging Peggy’s family and therefore acknowledging that their relationship with each other, while still close and special, is not romantic anymore and Peggy telling Steve to move on and start over wtf endgame

-The parallel of Peggy losing her memory as Bucky regains his

-Sam Wilson willing to show vulnerability and not being ashamed of his PTSD and treating Steve like any other attendee and hoping Steve will open up too if he sees that it’s okay to

-Steve’s face after “it was like I was up there just to watch” cuz he gets it and both sam and him had to watch their other half fall

-“What makes you happy?” “I don’t know”

-The Winter Soldier theme is just Bucky’s scream pitched different and made to sound mechanical because Henry Jackman wanted it to sound like a man trapped in a machine

-Why is Steve a lucky bastard that has his own laundry machine

-Steve leaving his apartment building after Sharon points out the music and then SCALING THE SIDE OF HIS OWN BUILDING AND CLIMBING IN THROUGH HIS WINDOW LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE SEEING CAPTAIN AMERICA JUST CLIMBING INTO HIS APARTMENT THROUGH HIS WINDOW ONE NIGHT

-STEVE’s APARTMENT I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS (i might make a separate post on that)

-The fact that “A Long, Long Time” is playing when he sees Bucky for the first time in the future and the song is about lovers reuniting after the war i’m not saying it’s gay but i am

-He calls Fury “Nick” which really indicates theyre not close in the slightest

-Steve is excellent in adapting under pressure (him immediately catching on and using Fury’s code story: “who else knows about your wife?”)

-Steve is Awful at lying but hes also Excellent at lying

-How tf did Steve get the flash drive in the vending machine without the vending machine dude noticing i-

-“Captain Rogers” “Neighbor >:(“ petty little shit

-Steve’s observation skills are A+++++ as we can see in the elevator scene

-More reckless endangerment like imagine just going through your work day and captain america falls through the ceiling

-Steve stole someones gym clothes after escaping SHIELD. let that sink in

-Natasha has about a billion masks on at all times (“I only act like i know everything, rogers” “the person that programmed this was slightly smarter than me. slightly” “the truth isn’t all things to all people all of the time”) also she’s quite insecure, especially when it comes to being perceived as a good, trustable person

-Meanwhile, Steve’s consistently himself even if it costs him

-Bucky trained Natasha in the Red Room (at least in the comics) so theres a good chance she made the connection between him and Steve and withheld that information

-The honeymoon in New Jersey😭😭

-Steve and Nat both have very different, but entirely valid approaches to situations: Steve’s is that of a tactiction, Nat’s is that of a spy’s. We see this in the scene at Pentagon City Mall

-Steve’s looking for someone with shared life experience and bucky has that

-Bucky killed JFK

-When Zola tells him that his death and life both amount to that of a zero sum, he punches the screen with his bare fist, not his shield, indicating just how much that upset him

-Pierce offers Bucky milk cuz he knows “the asset” can’t refuse or accept offers. He’s taunting him

-Sam drinks orange juice straight from the bottle and also doesnt refrigerate his mustard. There’s also a baseball trophy in his apartment so,,,,, baseball player sam anyone?

-Sam is also a gem who immediately helps out Steve and Nat with no judgement in his tone so they don’t feel ashamed

-Nat straightened her hair somewhere in Sam’s house

-“Cuz thats really not your style, Rogers” “you’re right, it’s not” *rubs sitwell’s arm* “it’s hers”

-Steve and Nat banter Steve and Nat banter

-Sam is just *clenches fist* so cool

-Nat immediately knows where Bucky’s gonna shoot when he lands on the Sam’s car and later she knows how to affectively fight him best because he trained her so she knows his fighting style

-Steve alone saying “Bucky?” was enough to break Bucky’s conditioning the slightest bit

-Sam met Steve like 36 hours ago and he’s already being arrested and made into a government fugitive with him and it won’t be the last time

-Steve is the only one entirely restrained

-“Even when I had nothing I had Bucky”

-Everyone meets Sam and is just like “aight let’s trust him with the highest clearance security information”

-Steve looks super nauseous all through the scene where Rumlow is handcuffing him and later when he says, “he looked right at me, like he didn’t even know me” he sounds sick and choked up

-Steve carries a lot of weight on his shoulders

-Steve’s “Bucky?” after the highway battle and Steve’s “Bucky?” in Bucky’s memory in the Vault Scene being different (in Bucky’s memory, he looks more heartbroken)

-Sebastian’s acting. Just all of it. And the way Bucky just opens his mouth for the mouth guard before he gets wiped....heartbreaking

-Steve realizes an organization that was meant to protect the people has become its own antithesis so hes like “aight. get rid of it” damn that’s the right mindset right there

-In the memory scene after Sarah’s funeral, Steve is so out of it and distressed, that he can’t find his key but Bucky immediately knows exactly where it is and what he’s lookin for

-Bucky was vain as shit and also had money: tailored suit, hair w shit ton of brylcreem in it

-The big breakfast Steve had was at Sam’s house

-The whole scene on the helicarrier between Steve and Bucky is incredible here are some highlights: Steve never backing down from a fight until it’s Bucky he’s fighting, Steve dropping the shield for him, Steve being ready to die if living means he’s living in a world where Bucky’s alive and doesnt remember him

-Their acting in that scene is so genuine and heartbreaking i can’t- i can’t-

-Steve’s got a comm i’m so chances are Nat, Sam and Maria can hear a portion of what’s going down on the helicarriers

-“I’m with ya to the end of the line” is basically “til death do us part” so the equivalent of wedding vows between Bucky and Steve is what ultimately broke Bucky’s conditioning

-When bucky fell, steve didn’t jump after him but when Steve fell, bucky went after him even tho he’s brainwashed. don’t think about steve’s guilt surrounding that. youll only get sad

-Bucky waited until Steve took a breath to leave him

-Sam waited by Steve’s side in the hospital

-In the end credit scene, Bucky and Steve originally were supposed to make eye contact, but the writers didn’t want it established that Bucky remembered Steve until CW

----

Every time I watch it from here on out, I’m gonna add a lil more as I notice hehehe

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 29: 3x09 The Tholian Web

Today’s episode, The Tholian Web, was completely new to me and I came in with no expectations at all. I wasn’t sure about it at first but ultimately I really liked it!

In uncharted territory looking for lost ship the Defiant. Space appears to be breaking up. Idk but for some reason this sounds very familiar.

Like truly I don’t know what this is reminding me of but hasn’t space broken up before?

And now there’s a mysterious object! Nothing is going Kirk’s way today at all.

“Fascinating.” / “Explain.” Truly the root of this relationship.

It’s the Defiant! Looking ghostly.

Uhura’s on the case already. You don’t need to tell her how to do her job.

Scotty and Sulu looking badass together.

Conveniently, it’s another constitution class, allowing all the sets to be reused. (Though also I do think it makes sense only a large ship like that would be in uncharted space.)

Look at them in those suits. They look like they’re going to the grocery store in May 2020.

How do they know this isn’t an illusion? Because “we can see it, but the sensors don’t pick up anything” screams “illusion” to me. I wouldn’t want to beam into open space!

The triumvirate + Chekov, fourth wheeling again. (My mom suggested he’d be incapacitated soon, which is fair--he IS the red shirt in this scenario.)

All of this is feeling very familiar--missing ship, unusual space phenomenon, people going mad--but I'm not sure if it's repetitive or classic.

NO mutiny ever? That seem unlikely. Also didn’t Spock literally commit mutiny? Chekov would appreciate knowing this.

Kirk manages to look intense even through the space suit.

I find it really weird he doesn’t know the captain of this ship. Like, first off, he knows everyone, and second, there only about 12-14 constitution class vessel Captains so I really do think they know each other.

“Spock, stay with me.” Don’t have to tell him twice.

Lol the ship looks so silly just...drifting away. Adorable, but silly.

Seeing an Asian man in sick bay reminds me how few Asian people there are in Starfleet. Like... 1.

“What the devil?” That’s a Southern man there.

Is the ship actually dissolving or is it an ILLUSION? (It’s actually dissolving.)

Uh, the transporter’s not working? That’s not good.

I love how Scotty hears that and immediately abandons the bridge, like there is NO other man for the job.

O’Neil’s face when Kirk asks to be beamed aboard is hilarious. Human embodiment of the :O emoticon.

“You too, Spock.” He delays ordering Spock back to the ship because he KNOWS Spock’s going to argue.

“Completing the data set” yeah okay. He just doesn’t want to leave Jim alone. Especially in the extremely suspicious circumstances of there being 4 people and 3 transporter spots.

He’s vanished!

Spock is NOT having this.

The fabric of space is very weak here. Sounds legit. And there are many alternate dimensions that are very close at hand. So in other words... Kirk is literally stuck in an AU right now.

This is sorta like The Alternative Factor but way better.

You know it’s serious when they break out the fish eye lens.

When Bones rushed in, I was expecting him to sedate Chekov but Spock has it covered.

I feel like Spock is extremely concerned for Chekov here. Like it’s subtle, but just the attention he’s paying to him. And Sulu is obviously very concerned too.

His “environmental unit” only has so much oxygen. What a great name for a fancy spacesuit.

Spock will not believe Jim is dead!! Never. (This is the plot of the whole episode in 8 words essentially.)

That’s an alien!

“According to the Federation, this area is free space.” ...Okay, that sounds a little colonialist. In his defense, he doesn’t press the point. He basically says, kay, we’ll go as soon as we’re finished rescuing.

And I appreciate the Tholian’s respect for that even though surely he must feel gaslit by Spock--rescuing WHO there are NO other ships??

Also I like the look of the alien.

Nifty lab equipment there.

MCCOY FIGHT SCENE.

Wow that orderly was easily disabled lol. I guess Chapel hypoed him but it really looked like she just tapped his shoulder and he fell.

Hmm, there are still 30 minutes left so something tells me this Kirk rescue mission won’t work.

Captain Kirk is not in his designated area. I repeat Captain Kirk has wandered away from his designated area.

The space was disturbed by the Tholians. I guess they weren’t factored into the delicate calculations.

Something about this exchange really screams Southerner meets Alien. Like more than most McCoy and Spock exchanges.

You can tell Spock is thinking about this whole "nothing’s being transmitted, it’s just the nature of space; everyone's already sick" thing but also not caring because CAPTAIN KIRK.

Now they’re being fired upon! A lot is happening here.

“Renowned Tholian punctuality” lol. Always a sense of humor on this one.

Spock’s face when Sulu questioned his order was 100% “Did I stutter?”

“I know you don’t like to use the phasers.” Because he’s a pacifist.

Well he changed his mind on those phasers fast enough.

“You’ve lost Jim.” UM no I think NOT.

Everything happens so much.

“That is the mark of a starship Captain like Jim.” I mean Spock is no Jim but there’s no need to be rude about it

“Doctor, go to your room and do your homework.”

Aw, the ships are kissing.

Now they look like little weaving shuttles. Adorable.

Hmm, it IS a web. Appropriately named episode.

“We shall not see home again.” Lol Spock way to be the Most Dramatique as always.

Tholian web screensaver Windows 98.

No, not a funeral!!

“This service requires my attention, Mr. Spock.” Crying emoji.

(I’m with Spock in almost everything in this ep but come on, you can’t ban McCoy from Kirk’s funeral, that’s just rude.)

This seems more like an assembly than a funeral tbh.

[agonizing scream] is also how I feel about Kirk “dying” and that’s why Generations isn’t real.

AOS Kirk would 100% approve of a brawl at his funeral.

Sulu and Uhura <3

“Each of you must evaluate the loss in the privacy of your own thoughts.” Spock definitely will.

Wait, that was it? The whole eulogy? Both Kirk and Spock really suck at eulogizing the other.

McCoy probably could have skipped this honestly.

Wait, Kirk left his space husband and his BFF a final in-case-of-death message? Noooooooooooooooo I can’t.

McCoy is so insistent they watch it and Spock is like “nah, that makes it too real, not gonna do it.”

“The Captain’s last order is the top priority.”

Why does everyone always assume Spock wants power? He obviously doesn’t. He could be a Captain if he wanted, probably. He’s early enough in his career where he still has time to become a Captain, too--eventually he does! Most of his career and literally every statement he’s ever made would kinda imply he’s not interested.

Also, if he didn’t care about Jim and he just wanted to take over the Enterprise, he would have left 3 hours ago? Like multiple people were saying he should? Including Bones??

“He was a hero in every sense of the word.” True.

McCoy is being VERY mean today.

And now he’s mad at him again for fighting the Tholians instead of leaving without Jim! Like which is it! What did he do wrong? At least pick a specific thing to criticize lol.

"I need not explain my rationale to you or to any other member of this crew." That’s true but also all I can hear is “I love him. I’m in love with him. I must have him back.”

What is that art work on the wall? That’s new.

I don’t get how Bones isn’t getting this. He KNOWS about the “warm, genuine feeling.”

Vulcans clearly aren’t immune to the...space weirdness. But yes, another pot shot at his alienness is always welcome lol.

“I AM in command of the Enterprise.” You tell him.

Finally, the secret message!

Omg Jim is literally dead and he’s still reassuring Spock. What a good boyfriend. I know this is the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you got this bb.

Now he’s lecturing them both from beyond the grave and getting everything right and they’re just standing there like chastised schoolboys.

That “take care” was so soft.

“It does hurt, doesn’t it?”

“What would you have me say Doctor?”

Like??? I can’t stand this.

Uhura! At home.

I like that twirly thing they have in their quarters; very efficient use of space and also I want one.

I also love that her chair has crocodile arms.

Kirk shows up in the mirror just to be dramatic and disappear again.

“Of course you saw him. We’d all like to see him.” Lol. Yes, yes, he’s still with us... in our hearts.

If the Tholians complete the web, what will they do with what’s inside? Eat it?"

“Are we any closer to the cure for space weirdness?” / “No. Except also yes.”

Love all the vague science that goes into solving their problem at the last minute but also extremely quickly by any objective standard.

Is Chekov restrained with seat belts?

Whereas Uhura’s just chilling. She knows what she’s about.

Ghost Kirk! Ghost Kirk!

"Do you suppose they're seeing Jim because they've lost confidence i you?" Damn bones, harsh. I thought we were done with this.

Pretty distressing that everything relies SO much on Scotty lol--arguably the MOST critical single member of the crew.

“I’m  sorry.” Glad to hear him say it, finally!

“He would just say ‘Forget it Bones.’“ Adorable.

I feel like everyone’s simultaneously thinking, ‘Okay, we ALL see that, right?”

I am overwhelmed by the longing in that shot of Spock trying to reach Kirk through the dimensions. Like, we’ve established everyone loves him, everyone misses him, everyone wants to see him, but Spock actually approaches him and tries to meet him...

“We were separated. He couldn’t touch me.”

I want to know Scotty’s opinion on Spock’s crazy statue.

So Spock shouldn’t have fired those phasers? Because they... did something... bad to the dimensions? But what other choice did he have, other than to leave without Kirk?

Wasn’t Scotty literally just saying this wasn’t fixable? And now he’s like ‘eh, I can fix it in 20 minutes and get you 80% power’?

The antidote is derived from a nerve gas used by the Klingons...that’s honestly rather hilarious. They’re good for something I guess.

“It simply deadens certain nerve inputs in the brain.” / “Any decent brand of Scotch’ll do that.” Starfleet’s finest lmao.

Lmao Mccoy's no longer drugging the crew he's straight up killing parts of their brains with booze and deadly nerve gas. The man must be stopped.

Noooo don’t give Scotty the whole bottle. We’ve already established the ship doesn’t run without him.

They still gotta get out of the web.

If I shipped McCoy/Spock I would DEFINITELY ship it in that little moment where they look at each other over the glasses.

I have no idea what happened but they seem to be free. Bye Tholians!

Kirk back in the chair where he belongs <3

“No problems worth reporting”--I mean that is technically true, I GUESS.

Kirk is trying to get the gossip.

“Only what one would expect when humans are involved.” / “What humans?” The oxygen hasn’t fully returned to his brain, I see.

Also he is completely lying about understanding McCoy’s explanation.

Sulu and Chekov are having a great time listening in. Collecting future gossip for the cafeteria.

“M-my last orders. That I left for both of you.” He’s adorable.

"The crisis was upon us and then passed so quickly that w-we...." Lol yes the crisis came and then 4 hours later, it was passed! Just like that.

I totally get that Kirk wants them to admit they watched the tape. It was his orders that they watch it first, plus he knows he said helpful stuff and he wanted to be helpful! But I also get why they don’t want to admit they saw it, because it is rather awkward to admit they watched his last words when he’s... not dead.

That was a great ep overall! I really enjoyed it.

My only two complaints are that there wasn’t enough Kirk, and I wasn’t fond of Bones’s characterization. I mean, I get that he was affected by the... space weirdness and maybe his usual prejudices were purposefully exaggerated to show that but it still felt like he was constantly piling up on Spock and in the most unhelpful way. Like, they often disagree, in part because they have different general philosophies, and Bones often misunderstands Spock. But Bones wasn’t really offering anything helpful in terms of command advice, and his criticisms were both repetitive and incoherent. Did he want Spock to leave Jim behind or not? Was firing the phasers bad or necessary? Is Spock doing too much to save Jim or is he just out to get rid of him and take command? And again, he had like 6 moments where he said something cutting and cruel and...one or two of those go a lot farther to show the point. I also just... Bones really, really doesn’t get Spock, and I can see how he’d get meaner given the space aggression. But he’s not cruel. And he and Spock are friends, and he does know that Spock loves Kirk more than anything. So I did not find him IC overall.

But I did really like Spock and his characterization. I could feel all the emotion in him, so pent up and controlled but so present--especially in the moment when he held the tape Kirk made, but in so many other places as well--the “funeral,” the first moment after Kirk failed to materialize, reaching for him on the Bridge...

I also liked this portrayal of Spock in command. He is a good commander and he has obviously grown a lot since the Galileo Seven. But he’s not Jim, and the show is clear about that. Kirk is not replaceable and his job is not easy. I’m not even sure that Kirk would have done much different than Spock--he wouldn’t have left without one of his crew, and that probably would have involved firing on the Tholian ship. But when Spock did it, it really felt like he was overwhelmed, frustrated, and not thinking--he didn’t want to, but then Scotty said he should, and he did. Kirk would have made the decision, not been pressured into it. Would it have mattered? It comes out to the same, but I think it would have been a different scenario. Kirk only ever makes his own decisions--then he can own them, no matter what. That didn’t feel like Spock’s decision, and it affected others’ confidence in him (cough cough McCoy).

I would have to watch again to see if I thought there was any other choice.

This ep made me think of the cave scene in ST09 where Ambassador Spock meets Kirk and thinks he is HIS Kirk, come on purpose to find him. Because obviously Kirk is like that: he comes back from the dead, he finds Spock no matter what, he comforts and reassures and supports him no matter what. He would cross dimensions, he’d travel through time, he’d become No Longer Dead, if that’s what Spock needed.

I was a little disappointed that we didn’t see Kirk’s adventures in the AU lol. I think he was lying about being alone in the other universe. I want to see the fic where he was actually in the AOS verse lol.

Even though there wasn’t enough Kirk in this ep, I appreciated how strong his presence was anyway, seeing everyone love him so much, and seeing just how effective he is as a Captain by comparison with Spock, who is good and who did get them out of the situation, but who lacks that certain... Captain’s quality.

And it outright was a great Spock episode, and a good Spock and McCoy ep except for all of the OOC-ness in McCoy. I’m starting to feel like actually there’s a pretty significant amount of Spock and McCoy stories (this one, The Paradise Syndrome All Our Yesterdays, even Bread and Circuses) and I wish there were more Kirk and Bones stories, too. They are best friends after all!

Next is Plato’s Stepchildren, which is a pretty meh episode, but not awful.

[thedistantstorm]

Project Compass 32

Read along on AO3 here

<< Previous Chapter <<   >> Next Chapter >>

This time: Ar'alani and Vah'nya conduct an interrogation.

Next time: A trap must be dealt with.

-/

Vah’nya regarded Eli with a look suffused with warmth, openly displaying her affection. The way one regarded a close friend, perhaps even one they regarded as a brother with whom their association transcended blood relation. Her lips quirked slightly, and she smiled at him with a hint of sadness in her face.

“He kissed you,” She said. “Did he-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Said Eli.

He looked like a Chiss, in Vah’nya’s estimation. It was in how straight his back was, the way his shoulders rounded down not in an overly relaxed gesture, but one that indicated he understood his place, that he was prepared but not coiled so tightly that he could not adapt. He was strong. Far stronger than she - than any Chiss - had expected him to be. She could not help but be impressed by him, by his strength of will, of his convictions, but most of all, of his heart. It could not be easy to be a human among Chiss, and even less so to come to terms with being a human who had feelings for one, considering...

The true events leading to Thrawn’s departure were known only by the human beside her. Even so, Vah’nya knew she saw more than others would have in the silent security holo she’d watched with Admiral Ar’alani. Others would have suspected it to be a ploy, a way to catch Eli off guard. Others did not truly know Mitth’raw’nuruodo.

Thrawn was hardly a good actor when subtle, gentle emotions were concerned. He knew how to project anger and rage, how to tap into the wellspring of his feelings to pluck out strands of the brightest, sharpest ones in order to subdue or coerce. There was no act, and Eli knew it, just like Vah’nya, just like Ar’alani. She had been surprised to see the admiral swear and rap her fist against the console as she called Thrawn a rather impressive slur indicating him to be an idiot.

“I know,” Vah’nya said, shrugging off her uniform tunic in favor of a deep black combat uniform that had been procured from the quartermaster. It was so dark it nearly matched the color of her hair. Despite being dressed in both an undershirt and long leggings beneath her usual attire, Eli turned away politely, shucking both undershirt and tunic for his own tactical gear. “We’ll rescue him,” She said reassuringly. “I am confident we will.”

“Un’hee is our primary objective,” Eli reminded her, resolve echoing off the walls of the small room as he affixed a belt to his waist before moving on to secure the holster attached to it around his thigh. “Not Thrawn.”

“Mitth’raw’nuruodo is vital to our plans, as well,” She pressed. He hid his hurt behind his duty, but she wasn’t willing to ignore that they both would do what needed to be done. “We need him, and you know it. We-”

“Of course,” Interrupted Eli. “However-”

Vah’nya continued speaking as if he’d never said anything at all. “You’ve waited long enough. Our plans are in motion, for better or worse.” Then she smirked a little, teasing, “Besides, now you can show him just how much of a warrior you are,” She drawled a little. “Would he find such a display…” She trailed off and let her expression go slack as she said, “Enticing?” In a silky-tone that was an impeccable - albeit more soprano - rendition of Thrawn. Unable to maintain his completely expressionless expression, Un’hee waggled her eyebrows mock-seductively.

That won her a little laugh. “Let’s see where the mission takes us,” Mused Eli, though his lips curled upwards just a tick. “We still have a bit of work to do before we’re rescuing anyone and-” He shook his head, still unwilling to talk about what had obviously been rather pivotal interaction. Neither Ar’alani or Un’hee were stupid: they might not know the specifics from grainy holo-footage, but they had an idea of just what had happened. Frankly, it hadn’t come as a surprise. Perhaps that’s what hurt Eli a little more than usual. As if sensing her shift in thinking, the human nudged her with his shoulder as he passed, still taking care to look away. “Get a move on.”

Vah’nya hummed. “Fine,” She said, and then willed herself to be serious as she zipped up her dark trousers and fitted the utility belt around her waist. The attire made her look more slender than she was, but in a way that indicated severity, not fragility. Her hair was already pulled back from her face in tight braids that wound around each other at the base of her skull. “Let’s get this over with.” She’d try to get more out of him the next time they had a minute. Maybe Ezra could help, she considered, before forcing all thoughts unrelated to their upcoming task aside.

They exited the ready room with matching expressions, lips thinned, eyes guarded and headed not toward Ar’alani’s office, but rather to the deepest recesses of the ship, beyond the massive cargo bay and entry-point to the hangar. Those they passed looked skeptical, concerned, but did not comment on their choice of gear. The ship was preparing for battle, and all hands were needed. Time was not a luxury any of them could afford. It was estimated that they had approximately two hours until they would drop out of hyperspace and be in the same region as their rogue ship, the anticipated transport, and whatever Grysk forces were counting on their arrival.

“Our best chance to keep on target is to crack him in thirty minutes,” Ivant said as they both subjected their irises to scanning. The scanner-tech’s beep of approval permitted them entry to the cell block and interrogation room containing their prisoner. “Remember your training,” He urged. “You can do this.”

Vah’nya nodded, fingers rippling.

Faro and Ar’alani waited for them just outside the mirrored glass that allowed them to see into the interrogation room, but did not allow their prisoner to see out. And inside, newly disgraced and former Mid Commander Tanik sat stone-faced and restrained at both wrists and ankles with wide cuffs. Someone had ripped the patch representing the Aristocra from his uniform.

“Are you prepared to begin?” Ar’alani asked them.

Both Ivant and Vah’nya inclined their heads to her, though neither stiffened to attention. Vah’nya considered Ar’alani for a moment. “You should take point, Admiral.”

“As you wish,” She relented, before turning to Ivant. “Will you be joining us?”

“I’ll wait outside with Faro.” He answered, “If that is acceptable with you, of course. I think that my presence would distract more than assist,” He thought aloud. “It has to be a Chiss.”

“I’ll say. I already questioned him,” Faro said. “His opinions were noted.”

Ar’alani opened the door to the interrogation room. “This is your chance to speak,” She insisted to the captive Tanik as she let herself inside.

“And if I do not?” Tanik’s voice was muffled as the door shut behind Vah’nya. Both women stood before the table Tanik was bolted to at the wrists. “The Aristocra has laws about the treatment of military prisoners,” He challenged. “The Families will not tolerate torture,” He said, and this statement was transmitted through the small speaker just beneath the mirrored transparisteel.

Faro rubbed her arms against the sudden chill she felt in the air as Ar’alani regarded Vah’nya with a curt nod. “What the hell is going on, Vanto?” Faro hissed.

“Don’t worry about it,” He said, never taking his eyes off of Vah’nya even as he felt Faro’s eyes trying to drill into the side of his head. “Where’s Bridger?”

“He’s in Ar’alani’s office.”

“Comm him to come down here.” Vanto turned to regard Faro with a serious expression. “Once Tanik caves, we’re going straight to the hangar,’” He said. “There’s no time for a formal conference about the op, it’s already underway.”

“You’re pretty confident,” Faro commented. “The admiral and I have drilled into him for over an hour. That’s not very long. He might not crack in time, and even if he does, knows if he’ll even have anything remotely useful.”

“He will,” Eli turned his gaze back to the interrogation, eyes landing on Vah’nya. His expression was particularly grim. “Trust me.”

-/

Thrawn had been in the Compass’s medbay in passing during his assignment aboard the warship and suspected he’d been whisked through it when he had been dosed with the Grysk’s poison before being transferred to Ar’alani’s far larger, better equipped flagship.

It was useful to know his surroundings, despite only being able to distinguish it by the overhead lights and the consoles beside sterilization units on the far wall. The majority of the medical suite had been stripped to the essentials. He had been shackled to a variation of a chair-like device he’d seen before. The Empire’s version required the individual to support their own body weight, with restraints around the pelvis, wrists, and ankles. This one did not require the individual to stand, indicative of a more intimate, methodical torture than one carried out by an anonymous probe droid.

The status of his restraints did not concern him, however. Thrawn’s concerns were not for himself. The Grysks had seen fit to ignore him after he’d been taken into their custody. Their infernal attention had instead rested solely on Un’hee. Un’hee, who was close by. Un’hee who-

Thrawn snarled but did not thrash against his restraints. It would be futile to do so. He would be forced to wait, to endure, and he knew he had to do so silently, no matter how much she screamed.

If their captors recognized this as a way to get valuable information from him, her treatment would worsen significantly. He would not allow that. It was his fault she was in this situation as it were, despite her aspirations to volunteer. She was a child. A Navigator of the Ascendancy, sure, but Navigators did not do battle or fight wars. She might aspire to live up to the warrior ideologies they tried to embody, but that was something that took an entire lifetime, whether the Chiss had been gifted with Sight or not.

Still, she did not scream for him to talk or even to make it stop. Something proud burned bright in his chest, allowing him to distance himself just that little bit more from her shrieks of agony. This was a cost of war, of engaging with their enemy, and while the greater good of their people was worth more than one girl’s life, it did not mean he would regret any harm that befell her any less.

When his captors - one Grysk flanked by three Chiss in murky gray coveralls - finally set their sights on him, Thrawn was certain it had at least one hour but less than three since he’d been placed in the room.

He could hear Un’hee whimpering louder now. The door to the medical suite they’d emerged from had likely been left open. Thrawn did not give his captors any indication he noticed. It would be construed as weakness. And it would harm Un’hee if identified, since they would most assuredly exploit it. He was aware of their tactics. The Grysks did not drug those with Sight. They chipped away at their captives’ sanity with pain, then set their sights upon the remains of a Navigator’s fraying mind.

Eyes forward, locked on a Chiss male with long hair that seemed oddly dull under the medbay’s fluorescents, Thrawn refused to flinch as something was injected into his arm. He’d been long since trained to resist torture, to sequester away his innermost secrets even altered by chemical substances. He felt the burn and rush of the hallucinogen as it coursed through his bloodstream, fading into something that felt both frigid and fire all at once. A fusion of Grysk and Chiss procedure, he speculated grimly.

The long-haired Chiss asked questions while the Grysk and two assistants stayed back, watching with stoic faces. Their frustration did not show when Thrawn refused to answer questions even as he felt his vision blur, afterimages projected behind his eyelids when he blinked. His tongue did not thicken, though his mouth began to feel dry. Again, he didn’t give away his predicament, focusing on making no response rather than the psychedelic effects of whatever cocktail they’d dosed him with.

They wanted information on the Aristocra. Thrawn did not tell them he was the wrong person to ask. They wanted information about how he’d escaped the Empire, about their machinations. Thrawn noted, despite the growing auditory distortion and obvious that they did not mention. They layered questions over each other, and eventually, it all began to blur like his vision, the questions coming faster - or perhaps the drug was making his mind move slower - though he continued to focus on keeping quiet, pressing his lips together in a thin line. It was both advantageous and not that his mental processes had been limited by the chemicals in his blood stream. Had he not been trained to remain intently focused on his goal despite his deteriorating state, such a thing would have induced rage, fury, and even the possibility of anxiety. But Thrawn was trained. He did not feel anything but cool indifference and perhaps a little high. He did lift his head, however uncertain as to when it had begun to list forward, and maintained what felt like steady eye contact with the lone Grysk in the room. They did not react, only meeting his gaze and holding it for what felt like far longer than the seconds it lasted. Nothing more.

Still, Thrawn felt no compulsion to speak, and eventually there was another prick, some fast-acting agent injected into the crook of his elbow. He felt himself go slack just milliseconds before his eyes slammed shut.

-/

Chiss weaponry was bulkier than most of what Ezra had used during his time with the rebellion. Not for the first time, he missed his lightsaber desperately. Using a staff or baton was alright, but he hated slinging something to his belt or back that he had to think about, lest he catch himself passing through doorways or be hindered in small spaces. More often than not the weapon remained in its holster if he bothered to carry it all. Ezra found himself more comfortable with the Force’s guidance and whatever make-shift weapon the situation allowed. His adaptability, his scrappiness were his allies in dangerous situations. He’d had plenty of practice learning how to face all sorts of seemingly deadly situations head on thanks to the family he’d come to consider his own.

He had a feeling it was these skills that would help them today. When they had called him down to the cellblock, he knew it was because he would be helping with whatever plan Admiral Ar’alani had cooked up. They would have to work hard to salvage what Thrawn had broken by going off on his own.

Being honest with himself, however, Ezra found that he couldn’t deny Thrawn’s reasoning. He wanted to protect the people he cared about. Bringing Un’hee into it definitely wasn’t okay, but he’d been more than capable of coercion even as a little kid. It was a survival tool he’d used to the fullest as a kid on the streets of his homeworld. Whether Thrawn liked it or not, Un’hee had several similarities to the older Chiss that probably couldn’t be ignored following this.

Ezra wondered if maybe this was the mission he needed to undertake for the Chiss, the reason he’d felt so sure he was needed to follow Thrawn back to the Unknown Regions in the first place. The Force had not so subtly nudged him in this direction, tying him to Thrawn. Thrawn, Ezra knew, was devoted to his people. He may not have wanted to put any of his (well, Ezra assumed that Thrawn considered most of them) friends at risk, but the choice was out of his hands now.

They had to rescue them. Ezra clenched his fists until the material of the combat gloves he’d been given squelched and stretched over his knuckles. It would be difficult. He felt the disturbance aboard the Steadfast like a rapidly approaching stormcloud. He had no doubt that whatever awaited them aboard the Compass would be far worse.

The cells in this wing of the ship were all empty. Graphite colored doors remained closed and lighting strips between equally dark durasteel floor panels illuminated them. At the end of the hall he could make out Commander Faro and Captain Ivant. Faro appeared a bit more skeptical compared to Ivant. The captain’s face was an impassive mask. Someone without the Force at their disposal might have been impressed.

But the Force was strong with Ezra. He could feel the turbulence of worry and pressed back anger that hung over Eli like it held a physical form. The humans stood out brightly in his extended senses compared to the more muted Chiss nearby. Though Ezra could hardly read their minds, he could get a read on their emotional state even if Vanto hadn’t been off balance and projecting. Ezra had long since accepted his ability to connect with others. He long suspected that it increased his need to meditate - he felt like a lightning rod for errant emotions sometimes - but that was a small price to pay for heightened empathy.

Eli Vanto was justified in feeling how he did, Ezra thought. It didn’t take an idiot to figure out that he’d had an altercation with Thrawn, had tried to stop him from going off on whatever this suicide mission - Ar’alani had called it that first - was.

And then, Ezra remembered. He remembered Un’hee: months and months ago, how she’d reached for Thrawn, been cradled against the stoic Chiss’s chest, talking about Eli and Vah’nya while Thrawn struggled to console her with truths that weren’t very comforting at all.

Ezra thought about the man he once knew. Grand Admiral Thrawn: the cold, ruthless executor of calculated plans. The lone alien seemingly at the top of the Imperial Navy. The war criminal who had opened fire on the civilians of Lothal to prove a point to a barely grown Jedi. The servant who would have done anything to please his emperor.

That man was not the same as the one who had gone off to confront the Grysks and their clients in a more intimate setting, who strove to defeat the infiltrators within his own people who might yet be within his ability to save. His heinous actions with the Empire could never truly be atoned for, but Ezra was not foolish enough to think that he too did not have the blood of innocents on his hands. Thrawn knew the lesson, and he recognized his mistake even if it was made with good intent. Thrawn had always had a clear mission.

He’d said to Un’hee that night, as she cried against his chest: We must strive to protect that which we care about. It is why we serve, is it not?

Still, there was one lesson Ezra believed Thrawn had yet to learn: He wasn’t alone.

The only reason Ezra had ever been able to go off on his own to face his reckoning with Thrawn over Lothal was because he’d had people to back him up. His friends - his family - had rallied.

Thrawn had amassed a crew like that, Ezra supposed. He had Eli and Ezra, Faro and Ar’alani, even Vah’nya and Un’hee. Ezra got the feeling he’d always had Ar’alani at his back, even if she held herself apart from the rest. They weren’t just going to let him sacrifice himself.

“Has he said anything?” Ezra asked as soon as he was close enough not to yell. He tried to be casual about his approach and not appear like he’d spent the last several minutes lost in his thoughts.

Faro shook her head. “We don’t have much time,” She answered, though it felt more like she was talking to Vanto. The captain hummed, giving Ezra the impression that this was something she had said before.

Gestured closer, Ezra was allowed a glimpse inside the interrogation room. Tanik remained tall, despite being cuffed, puffed up and proud. His red eyes glowed in the dim light and the way he held himself spoke of defiance. His body language matched his words: indignant insults and haughty pride. Tanik was spiteful to the core. When he wasn’t speaking, the Chiss’s lips were thin and pale, pressed shut as Ar’alani asked questions and made no headway. She followed up by speculating truths and lies that might get him to slip up when he resumed his mocking commentary. In return she received a cool, unimpressed gaze.

Then there was Vah’nya. She stood further back, not quite pressed against the wall behind Ar’alani. It seemed like Tanik had forgotten about her or perhaps she’d not wanted to be present in the first place. Ezra couldn’t tell.

Admiral Ar’alani was a very vibrant woman when frustrated, she wore her anger like armor. It made her sharper. “She-” Ezra paused, aware of the volume of his voice in the otherwise silent space. “It doesn’t seem like the admiral is trying very hard,” He finished, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Oh?” Captain Ivant cast his eyes to the left. He focused on Ezra for a moment in his periphery before returning his gaze to the window and the interrogation underway. “Your reasoning?” He drawled, voice pitched low and curious-like.

Faro tutted. “It’s freaky when you do that.”

Shrugging, Eli retorted, “He needs to make the connections,” And waited for the Jedi to answer.

Ezra scratched the back of his head with his hand before returning it to his side. He had his suspicions. “She doesn’t believe Tanik will confess anything?”

The captain hummed. “Or?”

“Or,” The Jedi parroted as he arranged his second theory, “Or she already suspects what’s going on and just needs him to confirm details. That’s why she’s making the contradicting statements.”

Eli turned to Faro with the slightest angling of his shoulders. The commander shook her head, but acknowledged him anyway. “It’s eerie how good you are at this, you know that?”

“He was my commander a lot longer than he was yours,” Eli said. Ezra ignored the prickle of pain that passed through Ivant in the Force, keen on grasping the bigger picture. “You and I are both a testament to him being a good teacher.”

She shrugged. It was hard to argue that, apparently. “Still,” She said, “I don’t have anything to add.”

“The third option,” Eli began when Ar’alani fell silent for the first time in ten minutes, leaning over the table and meeting her former mid-commander’s gaze at close range, “Is that she doesn’t care if he speaks either way.”

“What?” Faro’s voice was incredulous. Ezra got the feeling that Faro had always been outspoken, prone to chime in with what she thought. At this point, he agreed with her. It wouldn’t make any sense.

“Ar’alani was never going to get Tanik to talk,” Ezra summarized, unsure that he’d heard Ivant correctly.

“So why waste our time?” Faro asked for herself and Ezra both. They exchanged a look of puzzlement, clearly coming to the same conclusion.

“An act of kindness,” Eli said when Ar’alani straightened and stepped back from their prisoner, turning toward the door and exiting without another word. She did not look back at Vah’nya. Ezra watched as the Navigator shifted from her aloof posture into something almost feline and very focused.

Then, Vah’nya turned her head and met Vanto’s gaze as though the mirrored transparisteel was entirely clear. Ezra felt the weight of her stare both literally and spiritually. When the moment broke, the Navigator took two steps forward and to the right. She stood directly before Tanik, her blood red eyes seeming to glow brighter than Ezra could remember.

“I won’t speak to you either, Navigator,” Tanik spat. The small speaker crackled with latent static. “I have nothing to say. Playing off of each other will not work, no matter how kind you are. Save your breath.”

Vah’nya considered him for a moment. “If you believe,” She began, voice soft but for the intensity of her words, “That the admiral was to be the cruel one, I regret to inform you that you have misread the situation entirely.” She discarded her gloves.

“You will speak to me,” She continued as if speaking to her gloves or even the table.

Tanik snorted. “Have you ever interrogated anyone before?” He asked her. “Ar’alani has more military experience than you have years alive and she has not been successful.”

“I wish to know how many crew members are aboard the vessel scheduled to dock with the Steadfast,” Vah’nya queried. “Will they report to the Compass or the warship that awaits us at the rendezvous?” She lifted her gaze to Tanik, no longer smoothing out the mesh-like gloves of her uniform.

“I will not tell you.”

“But you know?” She asked.

“Know what?” Outside the room, Ar’alani stiffened where she stood beside Ivant. Vah’nya didn’t rise to the bait.

“The Aristocra will not tolerate cruel treatment of an officer,” He prodded. “Were you not listening?” Then, he leaned back, relaxing against his chair. “Besides,” He spat, “You have no weapons on you, no torture devices… So, you’ll violate me with your Sight,” He speculated.

“I do not have time to use Second Sight,” She said. She studied her hands then raised her head, tilting it to the left as she returned her gaze to his face. “Tell me, have you heard of Project Compass?”

“Ah,” Tanik said. “The secret Navigator project that has yet to bear fruit. What of it?”

“It bears fruit,” Vah’nya said. Her voice curled with something familiar that Ezra couldn’t place. “Shall I show you?”

“Vanto,” Faro murmured quietly. “What the hell-”

“You may want to look away,” Vanto answered, though he didn’t. That didn’t answer her question at all.

Ezra felt the cold. It was like snowmelt dripping down his spine, the darkness thick like flavorless syrup, not the saccharine oily feeling he was used to, there and gone before anything even happened. Faro flinched like he did, though she took a single step back for an entirely different reason.

The interrogation room lit up blue-white as the transparisteel cracked and shattered in what felt like lightspeed in slow motion. Lightning struck without thunder. Ezra could still see the brightness of it when he closed his eyes. He could hear Tanik scream, more fear than pain.

The transparisteel window - the two way mirror separating the hallway of the cellblock from the interrogation room - had been reduced to sand-like fragments that glittered against the inlaid floor lighting. The durasteel frame hissed and smoked as though it had been touched by extreme heat.

“Tell me everything,” Vah’nya ordered, speaking over the crackle of destroyed electronics from the speaker embedded below the window’s opening. Her left hand relaxed and drifted down. She regarded her unblemished fingertips, then flexed them. “The sensation is not pleasant for a living being, I am told,” She said, and allowed her hand to fall the rest of the way to her side.

Tanik stared upon Vah’nya in horror and wonder, deathbringer and salvation all in one. He panted, reeling in his seat as he looked between the damage and the Navigator who regarded him, tall, proud, and regal. The fight seemed to leave him like a tangible thing. He swallowed hard, worked his jaw. His eyes remained wide with astonishment.

Then, he spoke.

[moist-astronaut]

things my friends and I have said over the last year

“I’m verbally illiterate” “Isn’t that called dyslexia”

“I’m going to chemistry and I’m gonna light myself on fire” “No” “Damnit let me burn like the witch I am!”

“Don’t worry it’s not anti-Christ it’s just anti-government”

“I’ve been getting migraines everyday and I’m considering chopping my head off” “But that would kill you” “Two birds one stone!!”

“I swear to god I will hug you” “My house is 5 miles away and my doors are locked” “Your locks are FEABLE”

*writing an email* “Bitch comma”

“Ok but I could be a top” *laughing* “What I totally could be!” *laughing and crying for literally 6 minutes straight*

*on a group call, friends cat misha walks into the room* “Tell misha I would live and die for her, whichever she prefers” “She says thank you” *cat noises*

*joins discord vioce chat at 11:26 pm* “You guys are gae but I love you” “Thank you saeren very cool” “Goodnight” *leaves chat at 11:28pm*

“Jake jake jake jjjake -j-jaaake hey jake” “W H A T” “Can I eat your pens” “I literally have a restraining order against you”

“I’m educatn’t”

“Me calling you to dumb to be a slytherin is payback for you leaving multiple handprint bruises on my legs” “It’s not my fault your skin is weak”

“He’s rolling so that we can walk” *rolling in the grass and collecting leaves on his jacket* “I’m rolling for your sins”

“There are 7 of us so we can each be a deadly sin” “I wanna be Ross” “You mean wrath?” “No that dude from Friends”

“Ok but other than his strict attraction to women, his multiple wives, his hatred of gay people, and the fact that he is dead, what is standing between me and Joseph Smith the All American Hottie from being happy together”

“Consider: Mullet” “No”

“I do my homework while loudly eating a pop tart asmr”

“No no listen, he’s my brother, he’s a bastard of my dynasty…I might just ransom him off”

“These Norwegian bastards indroduced a fucking PLUAGE to my COUNTRY”

“Ooooo meth”

“Half of my life is me resisting the urge to sing the zaboomafoo themesong, the other half is me actually singing the zaboomafoo themesong. So either way my entire life revolves around zaboomafoo.”

“I just don’t think I would hire a gay man-wait no I’m not homophobic”

*chucks half a gallon of milk in a gas station* “-ah- got milk?”

“Gimme your sternum boy”

“Nooooooo he stole my sternum!!!” (Side note these were two separate occasions)

*being force fed milk duds* “No!! This is the worst way to die!!”

“Hey babe come over I have a hammock and a heated blanket”

“Be afraid, be prepared- IN THE WORDS OF SCAR”

“Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies stress eating-”

“I thought to myself ‘Y’know if I die today this is how I want to be remembered- a leather skirt and leg warmers’”

“I think I’m telling you to go to sleep” “You’re gonna have make me” “I can’t tell if this is cry for help or flirting” “Yes”

“This is at best cannibalism and at worst being straight”

“Oh look Percy Jackson’s here now, ooh they replaced every character’s face with Mr. Bean. I hate it”

“You can’t be mean to me! I’m gay AND a woman! That’s a hate crime!” “Yeah well I’m brown and Muslim! Square the fuck up bitch!”

“Babe it’s not very metal to be afraid of your hair dresser” “It’s not very metal to have a hair dresser and yet here we are” “It’s fine you’re into glam metal”

“Hey augie, got any grrrrrrapes?” “I’m doing IXL :(“

“Can I come?” “No” “What if I bring watermelon?” “You can come, leave the watermelon, then leave” “:(“

“What in the jersey shore”

“Rad’nt”

“Ok but consider: Mullet-hawk” “I can and will divorce you”

“Dee-vorce 👏 Just to 👏 re-vorce 👏 👏 “

“Ah yes, that’s why I’m fat…for combat reasons…”

“You fool I consent!”

“My Boston fern is being a bitch but that’s because it’s winter and that’s BITCH season”

“You walk through the rest of the house and it’s like ‘ooo witchy and aesthetic’ then they’ll get to the guest room and it’ll just be a tacky twink Fever dream”

“Who needs a scalp”

“HeHe, sexing”

“Council has decided, your vibes are rancid (and not the band)”

“You’re never to young to hate women”

“Look at me I did the dishes I’m a 1950s housewife with a strangely new jersey accent and affinity for lesbianism”

“Well look who has the table now”

"contrary to popular belief, fuck you"

"There's nothing here that requires whisking, i'm just problematic"

"If you could go anywhere in the world with two people, who would you choose?" “New Orleans!”

"So he proceeded to bite me on the butt...like, really, really hard."

“I don’t cheat, I win. It’s not cheating if it’s consensual.”

“My mouth, my choice”

“Do you like my ombré of a tan"

“Who’s the cutest in the chat right now then?” “It’s Paige!” “No, it’s obviously Augie.” (paige's boyfriend)-said by a straight man

“Francis is just a one and done.”

“Would you ever have a threesome?” “...yes...” *To Francis* “Sure!”

“How do you feel about anal sex?”

“Of the people in this room, who would you most want to make out with?” “Augie” “The answer is yes, but only if it’s 6 feet apart.”

“Square, flat, and overcooked.”

“The virus would be over if everyone would breathe underwater for 5 minutes.”

“I have daddy issues, but not with my father.”

“You’re a ladies man but you have two boyfriends.”

“That means lesbian in sign language” “No, that means fuck boy in American”

“I’m like a parasite, you can’t get rid of me. I’m here forever.”

“You’re like my long term hit man”

“Is it Jake?” “No, why would the evil Russian man be Jake?” “Because he would never hire a gay man and you don’t look like a gay man”

“Jake is homophonic, Augie is racist, and Francis is a woman hater!”

"Grew a korean radish, 1 star"

"I've got more cause i'm a rich boy, and by that i mean my father sometimes buys avocados. And that's on what? Upper middle class"

"Tell your good for nothing boyfriend to stay away from my mom"

"It's not inciting violence it's just ~inspiring it~ "

"Listen bitch just because you have avacados and a roomba doesn't make you better then me"

"i would totally let narthex ruin my life. and that's on what? daddy issues and bisexuality"

"who is titty"

"how is he racist" "he hates the french and russians right?" "don't forget italians" "that's just self loathing"

"This is the last time i wear a thong- it's for educational purposes"

"babe come over i'm a burrito"

"he put bread with milk. luckily he passed away"

"you touched my wiener!" "you offered it!"

"foot'nt"

"i took a shower and realized the floor doesn't bounce"

"i love ass whoooaaaaaa i meant cassie"

"Rosalie you're the deciding vote. Be decisive." "Dude i'm bisexual and a gemini. what're you talking about?"

"Okay so to recap: jake is homophobic, augie is racist, francis is a woman hater, and now paige is a bunny abuser?"

"Just bring a watermelon keychain and it'll be fine" "Whooaaaa i'm gonna need a big key then"

"If you were blind what would you even see"

Post Traumatic Youth, plus D for danny's disorder"

"i think she's past the phase where she likes people just because they're russian"

"francine is a lesbian, but only during quarantine"

"don't be a home wrecker!" "i can't help it!"

"we are not doing coed tents" "i wanted to go purple-ing though"

"if it's not perfect i'm gonna through hands" "with who" "i don't know, the CEO of stupid"

"don't make me feel guilty for bullying you"

"it doesn't look very cash money cool but okay"

"slinky cat" (ferret)

"The pond behind my house didn't freeze all the way through this winter, so i couldn't go ice skating" "okay, so i have an idea. we can go to walmart and get-" "ANTI FREEZE!" "well, yes- wait, no. No, the more i think about that definitely no."

"The amish will win, the amish will prevail" "the amish will conquer us all!"

"He do be kinda mafia doh"

"i'm being sneaky sneak. stairs go creaky creak. and i need. DRUGZ"

"brain on shutdown, power saving mode"

"Somebody go tip her, she's dancing like a stripper" "thatd be nice- oh wait no!"

"fellas, is it gay to lick your homies eyeball?"

"it's not racist if you're only targeting one group of people" "that literally racism" "but what if they're french"

"i'm not racist yet but the option is available, and it's good to have options"

"they don't call me Mr. Steal Yo Boy for nothing!" -a straight man who has a girlfriend

"i think he has a bad habit of not dating girls"

"kinda hot tho 🥵 in a Santa Claus kinda way...hoe hoe hoe"

"i'll be your hot jacuzzi bubble dealer"

"when deceit and doubt fills you up, you cleanse your mind through creative activities, such as making organic soap"

"friendly reminder #4: you're never to old to eat a freezie-pop"

"sorry i'm just nervous" Chinese Teacher: (Waving her hand in front of her face) “Just pretend I’m cabbage.”

"me when my dads name is publicly broadcasted on the radio for his 14 felonies and assorted war crimes"

"<@!523669420435046401> I sentence you to a solid nine by the banhammer. For your crimes against Humanity, God, Satan, and Matt Frank. See you in hell."

"Danny, just because you're playing *Just Cause* doesn't mean you need to Just Cause our friendship!"

"Silly Matt! You fell for the ole’ Heimlich maneuver!”

"i got a bunch of new shirts over quarantine" "you would"

"Ok, there's a 32 year old doctor in new Jersey dying right now" "Yeah, but to be fair everyone in new jersey has a pre-existing condition"

“This is the longest period of time we’ve had without a Nintendo direct” “Maybe they’re gonna make a Nintendo indirect?”

"you’re looking extra white today.” "thanks i've been practicing"

"do you have any batteries" *looks inside shirt* "not yet"

"let's go colonize the middle school!" "yyayayyayayay!!!" " wait I gotta ask my mom first" What happened next is know called the *Juniors burden*

"oh so you're a DOWNSTAIRS milk kinda guy"

"you are literally the human embodiment of crumbs in a bed"

"The Berk-ey Creamery isn’t a place, it’s a people!”

 "He shoved a floating joy-con straight up his flux-capacitor.” "great! now it's paired"

"No, that isnt armor, the real armor are the friends you made along the way"

"This one goes out to all my lady friends out there *proceeds to kill himself in game*

"i'm a coward" "that's what a coward would say!"

"rest is for cowards and fools"

"every time you speak you take years off my life"

"Shark dick hoo ha ha"

"Me and the boys brushing our teeth at 3 AM"

"remember if you kill yourself the fascists win"

"The Beatles aren’t real. Have you ever seen a beatle? No? Exactly." "Babe” "Shut up I’m right."

*reading over these quotes* "god i hate that" "you said that!"

[whitetigerdemoness]

The epilogue! Just wrapping some loose ends up.

A fox will tell you a thousand lies without once saying anything that isn't true.

Master Post of All Chapters

“Today the most sensational trial of the decade concluded with a guilty plea from Gabriel Agreste, better known to most as Hawkmoth. Mr. Agreste has been sentenced to serve only ten years of prison time, a most controversial decision. One month ago his final akuma rampage killed no less than forty one people, this reporter included. By only one deciding vote the jury has decided ‘not guilty’ to the accusations as thanks to Ladybug no permanent damage was found to be done. Additional charges included-”

Nathaniel tapped the x in the corner of the video to close it and shut his eyes with a sigh. Nadia looked tense in the report, clearly not agreeing with the verdict, and he sympathized with her. That same sympathy was why the jury had voted the way they did. Mr. Agreste may have pleaded guilty, but he still had very good lawyers. They spun a thrilling tale of desperation and love, a man grieving his fallen wife (who had secretly been a superhero) and doing anything he could to revive her. The fact that Paon was now a public hero (the peacock miraculous being repaired) only helped matters for him. With Hawkmoth gone Paon was more of an everyday hero, using her sentimonsters to help with things such as construction and rescuing kittens from trees, but the city adored her. Knowing Mrs. Agreste personally Nathaniel knew she did it out of guilt for what Gabriel had done to the city to revive her. 

Speaking of heroes he knew personally, Marinette had been lightly hinting that he and Marc should come out with her, Adrien, and Luka on a double date. Nathaniel supposed being the embodiment of a luck based superhero was good for something. Nathaniel was felt he was lucky just to have one boyfriend. A boyfriend he was currently hiding on the school roof to avoid. Not that there was a problem with Marc! No the problem was entirely with Nathaniel, or rather his memories. In his final moments, Reverser had attempted to use his powers to allow Nathaniel to keep his memories of his time as an akuma. Due to the miraculous cure it had half worked. One moment he could be looking into Marc’s dazzling green eyes in the art room, and the next he would be looking into a different, otherworldly pair of green. His treacherous mind giving him flashes of warm lips and an even warmer body against his own. He was sixteen, male, and not at all equipped to deal with sudden feelings bowling him over out of nowhere.

So he did what any boy his age would do in that situation and ran away to hide on the roof in hopes that the cold air would help those ‘feelings’ go away. Why did his akuma self have to be so-so...bold! Penknight might have been able to just kiss his boyfriend whenever and wherever he wanted, but Nathaniel sometimes worried his heart was going to explode just holding hands. Sure, he was a little more confident in private, but a sudden urge to heavily makeout in the middle of a public space? Not possible. 

“Nath?” Marc popped his head around the corner. The sound Nathaniel made was not manly. The bastard had the nerve to laugh at him. Face burning, Nathaniel scooted back to where he had been sitting before Marc decided to jump-scare him halfway across the roof. Said boy sat down next to him, their shoulders touching.

“It happened again, didn’t it?” Marc asked, resting his head on his knees. “Judging from the look on your face before you ran I’d say it was a pleasant memory.” He teased.

“It um,” Nathaniel coughed to try and prevent his throat from closing up, “It was.” They both blushed and looked away from each other.

“...You know,” Marc began “One of these days you’re going to have to actually give me more details about what you keep seeing other than ‘hrk’ ‘gack’ ‘hnnng!’ and changing the subject. I mean, with how red your face goes I can guess, but it would be nice to have it confirmed if I still have my virginity or not.” ‘Hrk’, ‘gack’, and ‘hnnng!’, plus more were included in the intelligent reply Nathaniel tried to stammer out. His only consolation was Marc looked just as embarrassed. 

“We-” The redhead started, then took a deep breath for strength. “We didn’t go...that far. Hawkmoth was...watching.” Nathaniel left out the part where the villain had been gone for several hours, leaving the two to their own devices. He was in the area of 90% sure they hadn’t gone farther than making out, and fervently hoped he was right. If just remembering kissing sent him into fits, he would probably die if he suddenly recalled...other things. Time to change the subject.

“So um, you usually don’t come after me when I get overwhelmed from remembering stuff. What are you up here hiding from?” Marc had offered, when the flashbacks first started, but Nathaniel needed the time alone to sort out what he was feeling, after.

“Berger and his cronies are here.” Ugh, that man. 

“They really don’t seem to care about those restraining orders, do they?” Nathaniel sighed. “Who are they after today, Adrien, Lila, or us?” While Adrien still roamed the city as Chatnoir, only a select few knew who was behind the mask. The Wah Wah were more interested in him as the son of Hawkmoth and Paon. The interviews and public admissions to her identity the first time she had become Volpina had really come back around to bite Lila in the ass. She had been publicly declared innocent of any all and crimes committed while Volpina, as cured akumas were acknowledged to have no memory or control of their akuma actions, but the zealous Office of Akuma Affairs hounded her without mercy. Nathaniel had zero sympathy for her, as she had outed him and Marc as Penknight and Prism the first chance she got to try and take some pressure off her own skin. It didn’t work, and now all three of them had to deal with idiots stalking them.

“Anyone they can sink their claws in I guess. Principal Damocles was arguing with them by the entrance when Rose let me know they were here. I figured freezing my ass off up here with you was the better alternative than trying to sneak past them.” Marc grumbled, pulling his knees in tighter. Early March in Paris was not the best weather to be sitting around outside without a coat in. Nathaniel hesitantly put an arm around him. Marc snuggled into his side with a sigh. 

“Sorry, the roof seemed like a good idea at the time.” Nathaniel apologized. Marc didn’t reply, only scooting closer. “We could probably sneak into the library from here if you would like to go back inside?” 

“Oh my god yes. If I stay out here any longer I’m going to be a popsicle.” Marc wasted no time jumping to his feet and pulling Nathaniel along with him. Letting himself be pulled along, Nathaniel smiled, grateful that this entire ordeal had ended on a happy note.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thank you so much for letting me wait for Marinette! She’s been so helpful tutoring me.” Lila waved to Mr and Mrs Dupain-cheng, her smile fading as she climbed into Marinette’s room and out of sight. She didn’t know how it had happened, but after being cured she had lost her place as the class favorite to Marinette. She had tried every trick she could think of, saying that Nadia and Jagged had been forced by Penknight to claim not to know her. That Hawkmoth had manipulated her for his own ends. That she was just a poor victim in that awful fiasco, but nothing had worked. The class had neatly split down the middle between her supporters and Marinette’s. Heck, Nathaniel had been outright hostile to her.

She had used his animosity as an excuse to switch classes and while her new class was happy to give her the admiration she deserved, she could not, would not, accept that Marinette had beaten her. Glancing about the girl’s room she looked for anything she could use to incriminate her. To blackmail her. Hell, even to just plain HURT her. She picked up a ladybug bug shaped box on Marinette’s desk and looked for a way to open it. Figures the girl would be a Ladybug fan. Running her hands over the spots, she felt one give slightly. When she pressed again a compartment opened, revealing a silver and purple butterfly pin. 

The compartment came all the way out and could be folded over into a small box. Much more convenient than taking the entire thing. Lila pocketed the first box and reached out to touch another spot, only to hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Hastily, she set the box back on the desk just in time for Marinette to appear.

“What are you doing here?” Marinette growled. 

“Marinette! I came to apologize.” Lila turned up the charm. “This past month, in my new class, well some distance from the situation really made me realize how horribly I treated you and-” Marinette cut her off.

“I don’t believe any of that for a second.” She fumed. “What are you really doing here?”

“Marinette” Lila sighed. “Can’t we ever put all this passed us and be friends?” She smiled.

“Not until you prove you’ve actually changed. Sneaking into my room while I’m not here is a terrible start.”

“If we can’t have an honest conversation, I should just go…” Lila trailed off, schooling her expression into a remorseful one.

“Please do.” Marinette was not moved. She did hold the door open for Lila and walk her all the way out, no doubt to keep an eye on her. Lila didn’t mind. She might not have gotten anything world ending from this trip, but maybe she could at least pawn the pin in her pocket for some cash. The thing looked as though it was made of real silver, sure to be worth a good amount.

Oh yes, she had a good feeling about how this was going to end.

--------------------------______________----------------_____________-------

Well there you have it, that's it for Holloa. Will there be a sequel? Perhaps. It is canon that there is a Hawkmoth several years in the future. Not sure how I would go with making that Hawkmoth Lila without her knowing who Ladybug was, or at least where to get the rest of the miraculous since she picked up the Butterfly from Marinette. Oh wait I do have an idea....hm. Maybe. I'll think about it ok. Lila makes the most sense out of everyone to be Hawkmoth 2.0

[writerbright]

Important question do you have any Bright family headcanons

god i have so fucking many i had to wait for my gf to wake up before i replied to this so i could get out of bed and onto desktop to compile them

dr. bright-jack bright is nonbinary/genderfluid-he has antisocial personality disorder-classpect wise he would be a mage of doom derse dreamer-(slaps the side of jack bright) this bad boy can hold so much dissociation and fragmented senses of self-the further jack gets into a new body, the more he looks like his old self. after the novelty begins to fade he will chop the hair and dye it ginger, bind, wear fake glasses-his bodies are disposable so addiction isn’t really as huge of a deal for him. there’s a lot of psychological reliance and awful coping involved though. he’s rich and depressed and has multiple bodies you KNOW he does coke.-he texts and drives. he likes to live dangerously-he binge-eats & often as a goof and habitual hyperbole tends to become Fixated on certain foods. basically what i’m saying is he kins that 4chan post thats like “uncrustables are the only reason i havent killed myself and left this god forsaken planet”-speaking of, he speaks STRICTLY in hyperbole. you never know how genuine he’s being because its either 0 or 100 with him and his opinions-it takes a lot to get him to act or talk seriously-he will not cooperate, ESPECIALLY not if he is yelled at. he lives off spite and villainizing those trying to help him-he often threatens to get a restraining order against mikell-before rights left, he had an on-again off-again thing with her. -he doesn’t like commitment-he sure loves flirting with glass though-jack acts like a crotchety old man a lot of the time.-50% young rebellious 20 year old 50% crotchety old man and they balance perfectly to be “the embodiment of spite, pride and impulse”-he drags whoever is with him at the moment wherever he goes often. they dont get a chance to protest-"okay bridge, i know you got a lotta organizing and WHATEVER but you're gonna come go get a slushie with me. oh i also have to pick up some triple A batteries it wont take long" "i dont--" "i'll just take a quick stop at home depot dont even worry about it" "bright i cant--" "what kinda slushie you want?"-also, bright is a fucking shitty driver-we can have silly bright and angsty bright at the same time. it’s called being multi-faceted, fandom

The Rest of Them-mikells debatin boots real and canon-mikell used to need glasses, but you know how you dont realize you need glasses until late childhood thru teenage years?? yeah tj took his bad vision before anybody realized what was up-adam bright held the kids to a very high, almost unrealistic, standard, even before the whole abandoning his own children for the foundation thing. he was very similar to john mulaney’s dad but like, not funny about it-tj speaks with a southern accent-tj used to be very kind yes, and he had the best of everyone in mind, but he was as sassy and contrary as the rest of the bright family. if he grew up like the rest he would be known for a LOT of harmless teasing, no matter who you are-i’m not saying it’s the BEST fix but a super easy fix & my personal favorite as it still keeps (what i interpret as) the main point of scp-590 (the foundation is cold, not cruel, but this “cold” can lead to horrifying treatment for the “greater good”, also jack bright is sad and makes bad decisions) is giving tj a good ol’ fashioned lobotomy storyline, bojack horseman style. i think seeing the caring & kind teenager turn into an angry or apathetic husk is a good way to keep the level of “whoops turned my brother into a shell of his former self lol!” also it was the 70s at the LATEST when tj was “treated.” lobotomies happened from the 1930s to 1967. if the story is about the foundation not being free of unethical treatment sometimes, then bam. it’s still sensitive, but a LOT less ableist.-serra shouldn’t be TJ’s kid that’s fucked up. this isn’t so much a headcanon as a hot take.for good measure, an awful list of characters i have said jack bright is exactly like:-komaeda-inien from thrilling intent-trina from falsettos (in the case that mendel is glass and jason is tj)-yellowfang from warrior cats (im right!)-lalna from yogscast blackrock chroniclesi also compared warren kepler to mikell bright and will continue to do soi dont think a lot about the rest of the bright family but i know i should.

[sailorshadzter]

here’s me compiling all of my thoughts on episode 1 of season 8!! or at least the thoughts i deemed important enough lmao. big focus on jonsa, political jon, and the starks in general. 

under the cut for SPOILERS + length. 

shout out to all of the amazing content creators out there who have already gif’d this episode. ya’ll are amazing!

anyways, here we go! ps. things could be out of chronological order, sorry lol

lets jump right in with dany and jon arriving at winterfell. i really enjoyed the call back to season 1 bran scrambling up as high as he could to watch robert baratheon & company arrive. 

we have them riding in among dany’s army, looking quite like the royal “couple” they want us to believe they are. dany doesnt look particularly interested to even be there and i think it’s because she’s upset at how everyone is looking at her. jon reminds her that the north isnt easy to impress, that they dont look kindly at foreigners. this isnt pleasing to her. dany has to be loved, by everyone. she cant stand thinking not everyone is on her side. in her mind they have to support her because she’s the queen. 

but she’s not queen, not yet at least. 

next comes the dragons. 

the northerners run, some screaming in fear, others just stumbling in an attempt to find shelter from the dragons that fly overhead. and just look at dany’s face. look at her! what a smug little smile, i hope she enjoys it because she’s got a lot coming to her this season.

i hate this, i just want everyone to know. i still like dany but this arrogant, mocking girl is driving me insane and it’s only episode 1. what little bit of likeness i had for her will fade real fast at this rate. she’s glad the people fear her dragons and thus fear her. she knows the northerners probably will never come around to her and bend so she’s going to get them on her side the only way she knows how: her dragons. 

lets be real- dany has nothing on her own. she’s nothing but a pretty face with a cold heart capable of dark, brutal things. but what if there werent any dragons? what would she be without them? who would fear her then? sure, she’s got a big ass army... but armies can be beaten. armies can be led astray by their own leaders doing. so yeah, she’s got an army but in the end, thats not foolproof. but dragons? those are pretty damn foolproof (unless you send your ~romantic interest~ off on a suicide mission that ends up costing you one of said dragons). she’s going to try and coerce everyone in the north through fear and it might work on the common folk, but wait til she meets the Starks.

yeah, do these girls look afraid?

not at all.

youre a man. almost. 

 i low key teared up at their reunion. it was sweet. plus it was nice to see bran in a more human moment. he’s always so robotic, i thought it was nice to hear him joke a little. 

as jon is looking at bran, you can see the moment he realizes sansa is looking at him. he pulls back from bran and turns to her (wow she looks beautiful, i cant even get over that). 

(gif by @stark)

sansa opens her arms to jon and i have to admit... the hug felt almost lackluster... at first. once i watched it a second and third time, i started seeing the things i didnt see the first time. 

for one thing- it was so amazing in the trailer because we could see jon’s face. kit is so incredible at his facial expressions and you knew exactly what jon was feeling the moment he saw sansa. with sansa, she’s very subdued- but its definitely done on purpose. obviously, she’s happy to see jon but she’s angry with him too. and dozens of people are there watching them, including this queen he’s brought with him. she has to be careful. 

(gif by @stark)

this instant, ever since i saw the trailer, ive thought jon whispered something to her. that’s why her eyes immediately flick up and pin their focus on dany who is standing just across the courtyard. we dont hear jon say anything but that doesnt mean he doesnt. what i find interesting about this is how in the episode, we’re shown sansa’s face and her emotional reactions to whats happening, but we dont see jon’s. in the trailer, it cuts to sansa’s eyes as soon as jon reaches her embrace, so we never see jon’s face in this scene. meaning, we dont see his lips ever move. i still want to believe he whispers something to her, but i almost feel like sansa would have referenced it later in the episode when they speak privately. but, you never know! 

next we have jon introducing sansa to dany, which as we all suspected, did not go well. 

as dany walks up, she’s smiling, her tone charming. her eyes are wide and she looks soft- she’s good at this. notice how no one in the courtyard moves, no one kneels or even bows in dany’s presence as they had once done for robert baratheon. this is not their queen. 

i literally laughed as dany said this. 

she’s trying desperately to come across as likable. she knows most of the north won’t bow to her without the backing of this girl and while she has her dragons to instill fear, she probably does want sansa to like her. she’s in love with her “brother” after all. they’d be sisters, so they should get along, right? 

wrong. 

sansa sees right through her. she’s good at finding a liar- she’s spent her whole life around them. learning from them, the best of them. you cant lie or manipulate sansa stark. not anymore. 

(gif by @cptainsrogers)

whew boy, that’s the face of someone who’s pissed. how quickly she changes!! as soon as sansa speaks, she loses her smile and blinks and she breathes in. she’s trying to restrain herself and keep a calm, cool composure. but its written all over dany’s face here- she’s not happy. 

again, im reminded that this is a woman who cant be told no and who doesnt like when someone isnt falling over themselves to please her. sansa is clearly not impressed with dany and she’s not afraid to let her know that. she’s calm, polite, but her tone & face says everything her words cant. 

bran interrupting was great. 

he sees what’s going on here and he’s right, now isnt the time for a little cat fight. he tells them that the night king has a dragon & dany’s reaction is clear she didn’t know that yet (right? i could be forgetting lol) & basically there’s like 100 other things they need to think about right then. which to be fair is totally true. but i had hoped to see a little more between sansa & dany.  what i loved though was jon didn’t look at dany when bran mentioned the night king having her dragon, he looked at sansa. 

now i wanna talk about arya and jon’s reunion because

well... i have feelings.

while the initial reunion was really sweet & had me crying, it ended real quick

this scene is where i really noticed jon was “off” 

jon stoops down and puts a hand on her shoulder (which arya looks down at) as he talks to her. where were you before? i could have used your help with sansa. she doesnt like your queen, does she?

then we get this next line from jon.  

first things first, it’s almost like jon doesnt realize she’s grown up. he’s got his hand on her shoulder, down at her level like you would with a kid. i mean, he probably cant help it, can he? she’s always going to be his kid sister, after all. thats how he knows her and remembers her. not to mention he’s been pretending to be someone else around dany for a long time now, he’s trying to shake himself back into the person his family knows him as 

arya looks at his hand before she says she’s the smartest person i know. you’re defending her now? you?

like he cant really believe that these two sisters that only used to bicker and fight are getting along to the point that arya is defending her to him. this is where i get upset with jon because he’s been gone for how long now? has he even bothered to talk to sansa about all that happened at winterfell? has he even asked her anything about what’s been going on while he was gone? clearly not, or he would know how close arya and sansa have become in his absence. that they’d taken out littlefinger together, even! 

i’m defending my family. so is she. i’m her family too. 

that alone points me into the direction of political jon. he’s avoiding sansa because he’s less likely to control himself in front of her. he might spill the beans about what he’s up to and its not time yet. he cant let that happen, not until the right time. while we all know he’d be better off telling her and the other starklings, so they could fight as a united pack... jon hasn’t come to that conclusion yet. lets hope he gets there next episode, though. 

he sounds so sad, so dejected when he delivers his line. like, sansa should be defending him, smiling, just in general happy to see him back. he’s brought a massive army and dragons! he did what he thought was best for the north and he cant quite grasp why sansa would be upset with him. one of jon’s weaknesses is sansa and how he thinks she feels about him. he craves her approval and he knows she’s angry with him at this point. and man does that bother him. he thinks she should have ultimate faith in him, even though he doesnt really deserve that, does he? anyways, thats a conversation for later in the post.

ps i love that he looks around before saying im her family too. almost as if he’s afraid of being overheard. 

dont you ever forget that.

yeah i had to pause the show at this point just to compose myself. this second hug was just as sweet as the first and im glad it was there. it finished the scene out nicely. 

i love how we got this moment of them being addressed at the same time, in frame like this. i live for moments like this, with them side by side. 

we get a lot of talk back and forth about why jon bent the knee and of course we get lyanna mormont calling his dumb ass out. 

i was waiting for this scene too & it didnt disappoint me. 

also i find his choice of words interesting 

sansa looks back at him and she’s literally the embodiment of the shrug emoji. like bitch i told u so. she has zero sympathy for him and the mess he’s in with the northern lords because she fucking told him it would happen. 

tyrion gets up and tries to do some mega damage control because lets be real, this situation is getting nasty. he talks about dany’s amazing army and the dragons as if this will lighten the mood. he also mentions about the lannister army coming (lol) like this is what will get everyone on their side. 

sansa interrupts and god do i love her more than i ever did

finally someone asking the REAL questions. 

sansa has worried about feeding the entire north the whole time jon has been gone. she’s built up as much as she could to ensure her people didn’t starve to death come winter. now jon shows up with this queen and her massive army with not even a wagon load of grain. when it cuts to dany a moment later, you can see she’s visibly shaken by sansa’s comment. hmm, wonder why? it couldn’t be because she’d just burned TONS of food that could have been used to feed her army and the rest of the north out of spite, right? nah, couldn’t be. 

sansa spits out these words and just look at her face- she’s doing her best to control herself here but her mouth is a snarl and her eyes are narrowed. she’s got every right to be angry over this- her people will probably starve because this so called queen hasn’t provided anything for her own army and now sansa will have to figure it out herself. if she’s this angry already, imagine how she’s going to feel when she learns dany burned all that food when she burned the lannister army. 

what makes me angry here is dany’s response. whatever they want. she’s so fucking childish i cant stand it. like she’s so bent out of shape that sansa’s calling her out basically, she’s going to resort to these sort of comments. like, you keep calling yourself a queen, fucking act like it dany. not a jealous, spoiled little girl. id respect her a whole lot more if she’d stood up for herself and her dragons here but that was never going to happen. its out of her character, especially at this point in her story. her dragons really could never do any wrong, in her eyes. and at this point i wouldnt be surprised to hear her defend them burning houses, crops, or innocent people. 

this episode is not making me like dany anymore. i cant stand characters like her, good or bad ones. and we all know dany is trending bad these days. but sansa doesnt even respond which is fantastic- instead of listening to her, everyone is focused on what dany had just said. we stan the real queen. 

im pretty sure next we see the bit between tyrion and sansa.

i didnt dislike the scene, it was actually pretty good. i especially liked the last time we saw each other was at joffrey’s wedding. dismal affair. it had it’s moments.

we also got this

not only is this true, we also later hear dany threaten sansa. 

interesting. 

but other than that, i didnt take much away from it. sansa was cool to him, as i expected her to be to anyone on dany’s side. tyrion may have been kind to her once, but as far as she’s concerned... he’s basically her enemy now. plus the whole scene before couldn’t have helped. 

somehwere in this we get all that junk with jon and dany. 

i... hated it. all of it. 

but after seeing it im 100% certain political jon is coming. his stiff demeanor with dany hasn’t changed, thats for sure. but what sold me was when dany threatened sansa. 

i’m queen, she must respect me or...

we all know  how jon “dont touch my sister or else” snow acts when someone mentions sansa around him in a way he doesnt like. the fact that jon barely even REACTS is clear in its message: he cant behave like he normally would. not with dany. he cant even go against her because he know how easy it is for her to become swayed. he cant lose control of the situation, not yet. i think he knows things are spiraling out of control more quickly than he anticipated. 

political jon must be a thing because there’s no reason for him to then roam across the north on a fucking dragon. the whole jonerys scene was as lackluster as they all have been and the kiss with drogon watching was very... weird. it felt ominous almost. there was no romance behind it, even if dany wanted there to be. 

but i think its very clear that dany feels threatened by sansa. she needs to be loved by everyone and sansa makes it clear she cares little if at all for her. queen or not, sansa doesnt respect her, nor like her, and she isnt afraid to make it known. i worry how dany is going to behave the deeper into this love triangle we get (because they sure arent being subtle about it). 

also, something i find interesting is the fact that dany would allow jon to ride her dragons at all. now that he has rode rhaegal he’s created a bond with the dragon, essentially taking him from dany’s control. she’s more or less lost 2 dragons now. and if you dont think jon would use this dragon against her to protect his family... then we must be watching two different shows.  

next comes jon’s scene with sansa (i think, at least its what im gonna talk about next lol). finally we get a glimpse of them alone! and god it doesnt disappoint me at all. i mean, id have loved to have more of it of course- yelling and even some tears, but we got something simple and hyper charged with both of their emotions. as always, the jonsa scenes get it done with as little as possible. 

we get a lot of angry stares and heavy sighs. its the same damn energy as the tent scene before the battle of the bastards. i love it. i fucking live for it. there’s so many things left unsaid between them and it makes me want their next scene that much more. literally, this scene was less than 2min long and i got so much from it. 

the scene opens and sansa is in her chamber, reading. the knock on the door sounds and she calls them in and she sighs when she sees it’s jon. the first thing i noticed was jon back in his old direwolf armor- he changed clothes before coming to her rooms- and then sansa paraphrases what the letter she’s holding says. jon parrots back lord glover’s words to them back when they met and thats when sansa gets up, very clearly angry, and says i will stand behind jon snow, the king in the north. she whips around to look at him and walks across the room like she wants to do something else entirely. i told you we needed allies. you didnt tell me you were going to abandon your crown.

this is where jon explodes, much how he explodes back in the tent scene with her. i never wanted a crown! i wanted to protect the north! he tells her, then goes on to say he brought with him an army and 2 dragons. this is where i wish we would have had more- sansa yelling at him about did he even think of how they would feed them all, specifically. but we get a lot of ~emotion~ and im living for every second. 

(gifs by @desired-paradise)

as soon as jon finishes ranting, he heaves a huge sigh (first gif). then he closes his eyes, thinking for a moment, before breaking down an asking her if she has faith in him. look at her face- she’s so hurt. they’re both hurting, honestly. what i love about jonsa scenes is how soft and vulnerable they both are during them. they let down their walls and open their hearts to the other. 

i think that’s why jon is so hurt by how sansa has been treating him since his return. he thinks he deserves her ultimate trust not realizing how he really doesnt deserve it. not,yet. you know i do. despite it all, she does have faith in him. but that doesnt mean she isnt angry or upset with him. and it doesnt change how she feels about dany. trust is not something that comes easy to sansa, not anymore. how can she be expected to trust a complete stranger when even those who were supposed to care about her turned on her? when for so long everyone around her was nothing beyond abusive and harmful. this girl trusts no one but her family and jon should get that better than anyone. 

but he thinks because its him, he gets a pass from her. that because of all they’ve been through together sansa should automatically know where his heart is and the truth of him. but how can she? he’s been gone all this time, promising to find them allies, not a queen that they didn’t ask for or even want. he promised them allies that would help them, not doom them to starvation.

when sansa speaks, he takes a step forward, almost like he thought of reaching for her. but he thinks better of it and says something about how she’ll be a good queen, yada yada. 

 and then... sansa drops this bomb

we never get jon’s answer because thats it, the scene just fucking ends there. like alright guys, thats fine i didnt want the answer anyways. i know jonerys fans are insisting he doesn’t answer because we already know the answer to that. but its not that easy. 

the set up between jon and sansa can’t be for nothing. the back story from season 6 cant just  be a random addition. so many lines that will come back this season (ill protect you, i promise. you are to me. ect) and i cant wait for that. 

next i want to talk about when dany and jorah meet with sam. 

first off, i have to say its weird that jorah has never told dany his name? is that just me? anyways. the scene opens and it reminds me a lot of the feel from her first meeting with sansa. dany is smiling, jovial. this is the man that saved jorah from death and she wants to thank him personally. their conversation goes well- in fact, its kind of sweet how sam behaves. he’s honored to be standing before her, being addressed by her, because he doesnt know who daenerys targaryen is yet. but he’s about to find out.

similarly to how dany reacted when sansa didn’t return her compliment, she goes from soft and smiling to hard and somewhat aggressive.

we go from this: 

to this:

(image from @snowsjohn)

in record time. as soon as sam mentions his name, it registers with dany and she asks him if he meant randyll tarly. that’s when she immediately, without sympathy, tells him she executed his father. you can see sam get visibly upset but he’s doing his best to keep it together, saying at least i can go home now, which by the way... is fucking heartbreaking. now that his brother is in charge he could go back home and be with his family when this whole thing was over. oh nope, dany tells him she executed his brother too. 

how anyone can stand behind this queen, ill never understand. this scene was so sad for sam & so unfeeling for dany. she doesnt even have the sense to pretend to be remorseful for what she’s done to this man’s family. and when sam does leave, she looks upset- but not because of what she’d done to his family. because now she’s in trouble and she knows it. again, they’re making it incredibly easy to dislike dany and they’re doing it for a reason. 

dark dany is coming for us. it’s going to all be revealed in the next two episodes, without a doubt. 

last but not least, i want to talk about sam telling jon the truth of who his parents were. 

(gifs by @kitsn0w)

i loved this whole scene.

while i was really surprised they told jon so early (and that it was sam alone) i enjoyed the shock. i didn’t honestly anticipate the reveal until at least episode 2, if not the third at the latest. but, it added something to the first episode- a similar shock value the first episode of the first season left us with. 

what i take from this scene is a few things, mostly how upset jon seems just to realize that this means ned lied to him his whole life. who gives a fuck about the truth, why didn’t ned just tell him all along? but when sam says the line about robert killing him, he seems to calm down a little. 

what else is interesting is jon’s lack of defending dany here. if he loved her as we’re supposed to believe, wouldnt he have said something beyond this is treason. id expect a “what will i say to her?” or “i cant take this from her, its all shes ever wanted’ or even “its hers, not mine.” anything else! but we got nothing in terms of jon defending dany’s right to the crown. 

and when sam asks him if dany would give up her crown for his people as jon had done, we don’t get jon’s answer. similarly to his scene being cut off with sansa, its done here as well, and we’re only left wondering what he would say. why wouldn’t they let him say? if he loves dany so much, wouldn’t he jump at this chance to defend her? especially to sam, who’s going to have a hell of time going forward now that he learned what dany did to his family. more so, it’s not yet been revealed that she burned them alive. what will they say then? when they realize that? 

i guess we’ll find out next episode, especially now that jaime is in winterfell. im really excited to see what episode 2 brings & im hoping for more dark dany & more private moments among the starks. 

overall, i really did enjoy the episode. i think there were things that could have been done better or differently,  but i think the episode set us up for a lot of good things to come!

in conclusion:

- jonsa is endgame & jonerys is doomed. sorry guys. 

- political jon theory is confirmed (in my mind at least)

- sansa is still the queen of sass.

- arya & gendry flirting is adorable (im sorry i know i didnt talk about them)

- WHERE. IS. GHOST?

thanks for reading!

[myaekingheart]

12. Butterflies at the Mailbox

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3

index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

What have I gotten into this time around I know that I had sworn I'd never trust anyone again but I didn't have to You had me at hello -You Had Me @ Hello, A Day to Remember

               The afternoon sunlight shone through the curtains and bathed Rei’s apartment in an ethereal glow. She could see the dust particles dancing in the rays, her fingers mingling with them in boredom and childish fascination. She wanted to think that she was just being uncharacteristically poetic but at the end of the day, she knew she was just procrastinating. It had been almost a month since that adventure in the Forest of Death, and two weeks since she woke up in Kakashi’s apartment. Kakashi, who lived right down the hall. Who gave her anxiety every fucking time she stepped out of her house.

               Had she been five years old again, being neighbors with Kakashi would not have been a problem. She grew up right next door, and yet somehow now this same circumstance was a death sentence. She was awkward, nervous, unsure of herself and her biggest fear was that everyone could see it. She had made a handful of friends in her time here so far, and a handful of unsavory acquaintances, one of which included Miss Flirty from Ishoku, whose name she discovered was Tenshi. Tenshi lived a few doors down, right between Rei and Kakashi, which unsettled the redhead. She’d catch the bouncing brunette shoving her breasts in Kakashi’s face almost every day at the mailbox, trying to drum up a conversation. Give it a rest, he’s not interested. At this rate he ought to get a restraining order against you, Rei thought to herself but knew better than to open her mouth. She hated how furious she felt whenever that bimbo would try to reel Kakashi in. It wasn’t like it was Rei’s job to hover over him or something. Except that it was.

               As she sat in her lonely little apartment, she thought back to what the hokage had told her in the hospital. His explanation as to why he assigned her to the black ops. He folded his hands in front of him as he explained, “There have been some concerns as of late for the wellbeing of one of my shinobi. I’m not going to beat around the bush about who. It’s Kakashi Hatake.” The minute the words spilled from his mouth, Rei’s heart leapt into her throat and she sat up a little straighter, clearly intrigued. The hokage continued. “I was approached by a close friend of his, Might Guy, who plead to be let into the ANBU to keep an eye on him. He was concerned that Kakashi’s mental state is rather…dare I say fragile at the moment. He has apparently grown rather cold and heartless, much to the dismay of his friends. I could not with an ounce of sanity accept Guy’s pleas for reasons I’m sure you are well aware of, but felt as if his concerns should not go untreated. And so I previewed my files and I was rather impressed with your reports from the past couple of years and decided perhaps you were the right woman for the job. After all, I am aware that you and Kakashi have a bit of a history, yes?” Here, he gave her a knowing smile as if he had tapped into her psyche and vacuumed out all of her childhood memories. “The minute you two were put in the same room together, I knew I had made a smart decision. I saw something immediately change within Kakashi, and for the better. I think being around you will have a very good effect on him. He needs a little light in his life, and I think you are just the thing to do it.”

               Despite Rei’s protests, the hokage wouldn’t hear of it. There was no way out. She was stuck watching over Kakashi, like some sort of twisted guardian, as if he was at risk of killing himself or something equally ridiculous. There was no way in hell Kakashi could be suicidal. She knew him long enough to know he wasn’t the type to consider killing himself. After all, he always said he refused to become his father and he never did like breaking promises. Or at least the Kakashi she knew didn’t. She didn’t know a damn thing about this new Kakashi. Truthfully, he scared her. It was like someone had eaten her childhood best friend and inhabited the corpse, traipsing around pretending to be someone they were not. Either way, the hokage seemed to have faith in her and there was no room to argue. She was now tasked with protecting the boy who had once promised to protect her. What a sick, demented turn of events.

               As Rei gazed out to the world below, she wished she had someone to talk to about all of this. Of all the new friends she had made, though, none of them were trustworthy enough to know about this. There was only one person she could ever open up to with things like this, and that was Grandma Teiko. Rei wondered what she was doing, if she was alright. She hadn’t seen or heard from her since the morning she left. It broke her heart to think they had been separated for so long, but Grandma Teiko understood Rei was doing what she needed to do and the redhead felt better knowing she had the old woman’s support. Her eyes drifted to the little parcel on the desk nearby. She still had yet to open it. She knew Grandma Teiko would surely whack her upside the head with her cane if she found out, but there was something mysterious and significant about it that made Rei hesitate. She was waiting for the perfect moment, but how was she to know when that was? All she knew was that she didn’t want to mess this up, that she wanted to honor whatever present Grandma Teiko gave her in the way that it deserved. As she stared at the little package, however, something inside her began to take root. A curiosity, a hunger. Perhaps now, in the sunlight with the dancing dust and the overall aesthetic quality of the moment, was the perfect time.

               Before she had a chance to second guess herself, Rei lunged forward and pulled the little package into her lap. She turned it over once, twice, three times before slowly unwrapping it. She wanted to be cautious, especially if whatever was inside was breakable (if she hadn’t broken it already—she wasn’t exactly the most trustworthy with delicate things). And then it was there, right in front of her, the thing she had been anticipating all this time. She lifted it up gently, turned it over in her hands and inspected it. Before her was a beautiful kanzashi, six inches long with a small string of beads and yellow clay peony dangling from the end. Nothing too overwhelming, it had a quiet, sophisticated sense of beauty, unsuspecting. Rei lightly tapped her fingertip to the hair pin’s end, drawing a tiny bit of blood. Perfectly sharp. There was a note folded up along with it, as well. Rei gingerly sat the present down beside her before unfolding the paper and reading the brief message. This has been sitting around in my boxes for ages, but I decided you could probably get more use out of it than I ever will. Wear it well, and use it even better.

               Rei had barely noticed until then that she had started to cry. She wiped away the tears so as not to smudge the letter, folding it back up and placing it someplace safe. Then she cradled the kanzashi in her hand again before leaning toward a tiny mirror on her desk and strategically placing at the base of her ponytail. It complimented her hair rather nicely, she thought. The pale yellow against the fiery tint of her hair, and in this light, reminded her of the licking flames: strong, unrelenting, powerful. A true embodiment of the will of fire. Something in her chest shifted and she found herself feeling a strange sense of deep-rooted confidence, the promise of an entrusted legacy. She would think of Grandma Teiko whenever she wore it.

               “Guy, I told you already, there isn’t anything to tell” Kakashi said, walking through Konoha alongside his rival. It was the perfect afternoon, made perhaps a little less perfect by Guy’s consistent interrogations. “If there was something going on, don’t you think I would—” he started, but then froze mid-sentence at the sight of a familiar face exiting the apartment complex. When Guy turned back around, Kakashi was nowhere to be found.

               Rei stared down at the stack of books in hand, set on returning them to the library, when she nearly smacked right into none other than Might Guy. He flashed a winning smile, waving at her. “Hello, Rei! Wonderful weather we’re having, huh?”

               “Uh…yeah, Guy. It’s great…” Rei replied awkwardly. He was looking at her strangely and she didn’t like it. Something was going on here. From what she had gathered, wherever Guy was, Kakashi was bound to be nearby not because Kakashi liked spending time with him so much as the other way around. “So…what are you up to today?”

               “Just basking in this sunlight! Nothing like a little fresh air to really tap into the power of youth” he announced proudly. “By the way, you haven’t happened to notice anything strange going on around here, have you?”

               Rei blinked a few times. “Uh, strange?” she asked. The only strange thing around here is you, she thought to herself. “What do you mean?”

               “Well, the past couple weeks Kakashi has been acting pretty weird and I plan to find out what exactly is going on. Seems he keeps disappearing out of nowhere. You haven’t happened to see anything suspicious, have you?” he asked, leaning in close as if this was confidential and peeking around at the passerby like a lunatic. The minute he mentioned Kakashi’s name, Rei’s back straightened and her stomach flipped.

               “Ha! Well you, sir, are asking the wrong girl! I don’t have a single clue what Kakashi is up to. I mean, do I look like I hang out with Kakashi? Pfft, no, I barely even know the guy! Nope, nothing strange going on here that I know of. Not a single thing. Now, if you’d excuse me, I’ve got a thing to do at a place and, oh, look at the time! I’m running late. So, uh, I better go but it was nice talking with you, Guy, and uh, I’ll see you later!” she rambled, rushing off. Anything to get out of that conversation.

               Guy furrowed his brows as he watched her scurry off, calling after her, “If you do see anything suspicious, let me know! I’m determined to get to the bottom of this.” Rei turned around and bid him a quick salute before turning the corner and bolting. Guy chuckled and crossed his arms, thinking to himself how she had scarcely changed over the years. Still just as awkward and dare he say gangly as when she was a kid. Once she disappeared, Guy surveyed his surroundings before beginning to explore the village, thinking to himself about how now he really needed to devote his time to finding out what exactly was causing Kakashi to act so goddamn weird.

               The minute she was out of sight, Rei crumbled against a shop wall and sighed in relief. Hopefully that would be the last time today she would have a run-in like that. Even five minutes of Guy’s enthusiasm, with or without the threat of Kakashi, was enough to do her in for the rest of the day. Once she had regrouped, she straightened her back and turned to resume her journey…only to find herself face to face with the Copy Ninja himself. Shit.

               He stared back at her with wide eyes, blinking a few times, both of them completely frozen. What now? Did they just keep on walking like they didn’t know one another? Did they confront the situation and say hello? It wasn’t like there were books giving detailed instructions about this sort of thing. Before anything could be said, however, Rei’s fight-or-flight instinct kicked in—unfortunately, her body involuntarily opted for fight. Without even thinking, she pulled the kanzashi from her hair and launched it toward Kakashi. He was taken aback, not expecting an attack, but caught the hair pin in mid-air before it could strike. Suddenly realizing what she had done, Rei’s mouth gaped and she stared at her opponent for a brief moment before diving into an alleyway and disappearing.

               Kakashi paused a moment, staring at the cloud of dust left behind in her wake. He could’ve been surprised, but this was really nothing new. This had been the way in which they had been interacting for the past few weeks, struggling to avoid each other in the most outlandish fashions. The only difference now is that he would have to confront her eventually. He stared down at the kanzashi in his hand and cursed under his breath. He would have to return it to her somehow.

               The entire walk back to the apartment complex, Kakashi schemed ways to get the little hair pin back to Rei without actually having to confront her. He was hyper aware of its presence in his kunai holster, terrified of breaking it and making the process that much worse. Once he entered the building, however, he got a brilliant idea. He wouldn’t have to speak to her if he could just stick the hair pin in her mailbox. He glanced around to ensure no one else was watching and then slipped the kanzashi out of the holster, carefully attempting to slide it into the mailbox. The only issue was that it wouldn’t fit. The peony charm on the end was too fat to fit through the narrow envelope slot. The only way this could possibly work would be if he broke into the mailbox himself.

               Kakashi was not one to enjoy breaking the law. He knew busting into someone else’s mailbox was an invasion of privacy, and that he would have to pay for the damages himself, so instead he stood there staring at the dial for a moment before attempting to decode the lock. There was an infinite number of combinations, but only a few of them were likely candidates based on what he knew about Rei. Or at least what he thought he knew. It had been so long since he had spent any quality time with her, he began to wonder if everything he knew still applied. Either way, there was one thing that definitely remained the same: she had a quick temper, which meant he would have to work fast in order to avoid her catching him.

               He worked diligently until he felt a pair of eyes boring holes into his back, the chakra of someone behind him. His body tensed, fearing it was Rei, and then was startled by a booming, bouncing voice. “Hi, Kakashi!” Tenshi greeted flirtatiously. His back shot ramrod straight as she skipped around to face him, accentuating her breasts in the usual fashion. Kakashi’s face turned bright red, his eyes darting straight to her chest. He knew she was doing this on purpose.

               “Uh, hello, Tenshi” he greeted awkwardly. Her eyes immediately darted to the kanzashi in his hand, her face lighting up.

               “Oh, wow, Kakashi, that’s beautiful!” she gushed, snatching it away from him to inspect it herself. “Yellow isn’t really my color but that’s alright. It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?” she giggled. Kakashi blinked. It took him a minute to understand where she was going with this but once he did, his heart leapt into his throat.

               “Uh, Tenshi…I hate to break it to you, but that’s not for you” he replied, extending a hand to invite her to give it back. She looked at him despondently, not quite understanding what he meant. How could something so beautiful not be a gift to her? She couldn’t wrap her brain around it. And then a malicious smirk touched her lips as she noticed the number of the mailbox he was in front of, one that was not his own.

               “You know, I bet the hokage would love to hear about how one of his best men was caught trying to steal someone else’s mail” she threatened.

               “Tenshi, this is not what it looks like” Kakashi replied back, trying keep his cool. God, she was frustrating.

               “I’m not saying I’m going to tell on you. I’m also not saying that I believe this isn’t mine” Tenshi said, toying with the kanzashi in her hands. She tapped the tip to test its sharpness, grinning in satisfaction. It would make such a nice weapon.

               Kakashi crossed his arms and stared down at her. “I’m not going to play these games.”

               “What games?” Tenshi feigned ignorance, squeezing her breasts together to exaggerate their size. Kakashi refused to let his eyes wander.

               “You know exactly what you’re doing” he said. “I’m not going to fall for it. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

               “Well, isn’t everything better hard?” she asked, cocking her head to the side and smirking. Oh, boy.

               “Uh…” Kakashi chuckled nervously. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”

               “Oh?” Tenshi asked. “Then what did you mean?”

               “I hope something along the lines of bashing skulls into concrete” a voice then called from the doorway. Kakashi and Tenshi turned to find Rei standing before them, two large bags stuffed to the brim with groceries. Her fists clenched the straps tightly. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Her eyes darted from Tenshi to Kakashi and back, though she refused to look the Copy Ninja in the eyes.

               “You, uh, you left this behind. I was just trying to return it to you” Kakashi replied, snatching the kanzashi from Tenshi’s hand while she had her guard down and handing it back to Rei. The redhead stole it away quickly, setting her bags down and sticking it back into the base of her ponytail.

               “You’re giving that to her of all people?” Tenshi complained.

               “It was mine to begin with, idiot” Rei seethed. Then, turning back to Kakashi, she asked, “And you were trying to break into my mailbox why?”

               “Uh, well, I thought maybe it would be easier to just put the kanzashi in there. After all, I didn’t know when you’d be back and I thought this way might just be more convenient” Kakashi explained. Rei eyed him suspiciously, nodding slowly before motioning for him to politely step out of the way so she could check her mail. She wasn’t sure which was worse: Kakashi trying to break into her mailbox or the confrontation. Either way, she got the kanzashi back and that was all that mattered. All that was left to do was just get her mail and then rush back to her apartment to hide and pretend like none of this ever happened.

               Tenshi watched the redhead with a sharp gaze, judging her every move. After a few seconds, however, she got bored and resolved to be on her way but not before first grazing Kakashi’s arm and whispering some sort of seductive invitation along the lines of “Let’s have dinner sometime.” Kakashi’s face turned bright red in response as he watched her walk out the door. Rei glared at him for a split second, shaking her head. Unbelievable. She really wished she had taken that opportunity to bash Tenshi’s head in.

               Once Kakashi finally regrouped, he turned to find Rei trying to jam the envelopes into one of her grocery bags. He felt strange watching her struggle and not doing anything about it, so rubbing the back of his neck, he awkwardly asked, “Do you need help with those?”

               “It’s fine, I’ve got it” Rei replied, refusing to look him in the eye. She didn’t want to make the situation any worse than it needed to be. However, fate had a way of ruining things all on it’s own. The moment she lifted her grocery bags, the bottoms exploded and all of her purchases scattered across the floor. Rei’s face went deadpan, muttering curse words under her breath.

               “Are you sure you don’t need help?” Kakashi asked again. Rei rolled her eyes as she knelt down and began gathering up her things. Before she could protest, Kakashi leaned down to help. They sat there in silence for a few long moments, trying to gather as many cups of instant ramen as they could carry, before finally the Copy Ninja broke the silence. “It looks like you have a stowaway” he replied, pointing to one of the cups on the ground. Confused, Rei turned to find a fat, black caterpillar with lots of tiny red horns scooting around the rim.

               Rei blinked a few times, unsure of what to make of this. Her mind warped back to childhood, sitting in the front yard next to a young Kakashi as she tried to catch all the bugs and worms she could find. She’d name all of them and show them off to her best friend, who would chuckle at her like she was ridiculous. But then again, she was ridiculous. She was stupid and innocent back then. Nowadays, there was no room for such things. Huffing her bangs out of her face, she placed her index finger in front of the creature, an invitation for a ride, and transported him to the leaf of a potted plant in the corner of the room. She knew sticking him back outside would’ve been ideal, but this was the best she could manage right now in her panicked, preoccupied state. It would just have to suffice.

               Kakashi helped her carry her things to her apartment, watching her fumble with the key before finally unlocking the door and kicking it open. She trudged inside, dropping everything onto the unmade bed. He blinked a few times as he took a quick survey of her place. The entire room was a complete mess, and yet somehow none of it was at all surprising. He remembered her bedroom as a child with half-read books lying about everywhere and toys scattered across the floor. It was nice to see that this was one other aspect of her that never changed. He tiptoed around the clutter and laid down his pile beside hers on the bed, and then the two of them stood there awkwardly for a moment or two. “Well, I guess I better be going” he finally said, walking back towards the door. Rei nodded once, following close behind as if she was trying to push him out of her apartment without touching him.

               “Uh, thanks for the help. And for returning my kanzashi” she replied, again not looking in his eyes. He nodded a quick “You’re welcome” before stepping out into the hallway and making his way to his own apartment. Before he left completely, however, Rei sucked in a deep breath and called after him, “B-by the way, Guy was looking for you earlier. Said something about you acting strange or something, I don’t know.”

               Kakashi paused, looking back at her. “Really?” he asked. Rei nodded. “Hmm” he thought for a minute, then asked, “Do you think I’ve been acting strange?” Rei shook her head vigorously. “I didn’t think I was acting strange either.”

               “Uh, well good. Then we’re on the same page” Rei said. Then, after a few moments of awkward silence between them, she then asked, “Do you think I’ve been acting strange?”

               “You?” Kakashi repeated. “No, not at all. Perfectly normal. If anything, a little boring, even.”

               “Good” Rei nodded. “That’s…that’s good.” Another few long moments of awkward silence before Rei sucked in a deep breath and Kakashi nodded, hands in his pockets.

               “Well, I better get going. I have something to take care of but it was good talking with you” he said, inching his way back to his apartment.

               “I agree” Rei replied. “I suppose I’ll see you around.” Kakashi nodded once, then unlocked his apartment door and slipped inside. The moment he was out of sight, Rei slammed her door shut and pressed her back against it, burying her face in her hands. She could feel all the blood rush to her cheeks. She groaned and slid onto the floor in defeat. It was official. She was in hell.

               The clock read 7:02am. Kakashi groaned and rolled over as a knock sounded at his door. Pulling his mask up over his face, he trudged over to find Guy standing there jogging in place, fully energized. “Alright, Kakashi, you have put this off for far too long! Today is the day I finally beat you!” he announced. Kakashi stared at the man, deadpan, for a few seconds. He should’ve known this was coming. Guy had been begging for him to do this for weeks, he couldn’t procrastinate for much longer. But then again, Kakashi was willing to try his luck.

               “I’m not really feeling it this morning, Guy” he said tiredly. Guy blinked at him, then furrowed his bushy brows in suspicion.

               “This is the fourth time this week you’ve rejected my invitation” he said. Kakashi trudged back into his apartment and sat on the edge of his bed, leaving his door open as a silent signal that Guy was welcome to step foot inside if he so desired. The enthusiastic jonin took the offer and leaned against Kakashi’s desk. “You’ve been disappearing all over town, you’ve been cold and distant. What’s going on with you?”

               “Nothing” Kakashi replied, trying to convince Guy he was telling the truth. “Everything is perfectly fine, Guy. Don’t you worry.”

               Cocking a brow, Guy stared back at his friend harder. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? You’ve been acting pretty weird lately. And, you know, come to think of it, Rei has been acting kind of strange, too.” The minute he said her name, Kakashi’s back straightened.

               “W-what do you mean?” he asked.

               “Well, I ran into her the other day after you disappeared and she seemed pretty flustered, if you ask me. Like she was in quite a hurry to get someplace” Guy explained.  “I told her to keep an eye out and let me know if she saw anything weird going on.”

               “How do you know she was acting any differently than normal? Maybe she really did just have someplace to get to” Kakashi pondered. Guy thought on this for a moment, shaking his head.

               “I don’t know, but something is going on and I’m determined to figure out what it is” Guy replied. “It would be a whole lot easier if you just told me.”

               Sighing, Kakashi rubbed his forehead and replied, “Guy, I already told you, there’s nothing going on. If you want to try to read into things, then fine, but there is nothing to tell.” Eventually, Guy had no choice but to give in and accept that Kakashi was telling the truth. He escorted Guy to the door, continuing to elaborate about how everything was fine, until he noticed Rei heading down the hallway. Kakashi’s eyes went wide, pulling Guy back inside his apartment and slamming the door shut. He pressed his face to the peephole, waiting for her to disappear.

               Guy watched with wide eyes, pointing at his best friend. “Kakashi, this is exactly what I was talking about!” Kakashi waved his hand, begging him to shut up lest Rei overhear them from inside. Guy watched, unamused, as Kakashi stood there with bated breath for a moment longer. Then, once Rei was out of sight, he sighed in relief and all the tension dispersed from his muscles. He turned to find Guy staring at him with big eyes and a pointed finger. “This is exactly what I was talking about!” he repeated. “Don’t you tell me that there’s nothing going on because that was definitely not normal.”

               Kakashi stared back at him, frozen in his place. Then, rubbing the back of his neck, he smiled innocently and replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

               “Shit, Naru, this is bad” Rei groaned, burying her face in her hands. “He’s absolutely unavoidable.” The blonde sat across from her inspecting her nails in boredom, awaiting the dango she had ordered.

               “I know” she said, not even looking up from her preoccupations. “And so does the whole village.”

               “Whoa, w-wait a second, what do you mean the whole village?” Rei asked, instantly picking her head up. Naru flipped her long, blonde bangs out of her face before placing her palms firmly on the table as if she was prepared to propose a serious deal.

               “You know what I mean, Rei” she said darkly. “It’s no secret that you and Kakashi have been playing this twisted little game the past few weeks. Everyone sees you do it. They cringe every time they catch either of you bolting around the corner trying to get away from one another.”

               “Is it really that bad?” the redhead asked. She glanced around to the few others in the dango shop, praying they didn’t recognize her as the girl who was always making a run for it. It wasn’t a reputation she felt she wore very well. It certainly wasn’t becoming, especially for a ninja of her distinction. Naru eyed her best friend sharply and nodded.

               “You have to stop this madness!” Naru insisted. “You’re going to drive yourself insane. The hell do you care what Kakashi thinks anyway?”

               “Hey, it’s not just me whose at fault here. He’s doing it, too!” Rei fired back defensively.

               Naru shook her head. “Yeah, I know he is but one of you has to be the bigger shinobi here. Step up, take administrative action. You are a member of the ANBU black ops for heaven’s sake, you cannot be running around playing these childish games.”

               “You sound like my mother” Rei mumbled, resting her head on the table again. She looked out to the village, to the passerby happily walking along. She wondered what it was like to be happy like that. She saw a couple holding hands and smiling. The corner of her lip tugged upward.

               Naru glanced to the pair, then back to her friend, picking her head up and forcing Rei to look at her. “Listen to me, Rei, you have to make a decision here. Either pursue Kakashi or let it go. I can’t handle you acting all wishy-washy like this anymore.”

               “I’m not wishy-washy…” Rei mumbled, crossing her arms. Naru glared at her, testing that statement. “Okay, fine!” the redhead finally admitted, throwing her hands up in defeat. “It’s not my fault, though. Something happened that got everything even more screwed up.” The blonde cocked an eyebrow, begging her friend to elaborate. For the next fifteen minutes, Rei unenthusiastically recounted every minute detail of the final exam of Ishoku. Her face burned bright red when she began to talk about how Kakashi had saved her, that moment together in the brush. “It felt just like we were kids again, Naru. Like nothing was in the way. The past wasn’t a problem anymore.”

               Resting her chin in her hands, Naru listened intently, a small smile teasing on her lips. “You’ve got it bad” she commented once Rei’s story was over. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

               “What…?” Rei asked. She was almost too afraid to hear the answer.

               By the time she returned to her apartment complex, the sun was just beginning to set and Rei was completely drained. As much as she loved Naru, sometimes her tough love and mild egotism was exhausting. After so many years of friendship, she thought she’d be used to it by now. Apparently not.

               The minute she stepped inside, she was met with Kakashi standing at the mailbox. Her heart leapt into her chest, contemplating turning around and maybe just breaking into her apartment through the window. Anything to avoid the confrontation. But then she thought of everything Naru had said to her that afternoon. Pursue Kakashi or let it go. Either way, she would have to learn to deal with him somehow. Sucking in a deep breath, she stalked forward and began quickly turning the dial on her own mailbox.

               It took Kakashi all of two seconds to realize she was there, during which he had grown rather tense. He hated being this close to her. He hated feeling her chakra, smelling the faint scent from her shampoo. Rei could feel his eyes on her, nerve-wracking and uncomfortable. She prayed he would turn away, to go about his daily life, to not pay any mind to her. Instead, he cleared his throat to get her attention.

               “Uh, hi…” she said, voice quiet. She turned to look at him, but refused to meet his eyes.

               “Hello” he replied back. Now what? What do you say to a girl you’re terrified of? To a girl who you have such a long and complicated past with? To a girl who is now merely a stranger? “Uh, anything interesting?” he finally asked, nodding to the stack of envelopes in her hand. She sifted through them quickly, then shook her head.

               “Not really. You?” she asked. He shook his head as well. This was going great.

               The two of them stood there in an awkward silence for what felt like ages, until suddenly a crackling noise captured their attention. On the defense, Rei dropped her mail and whipped out her kunai, searching for the source of the sound. Kakashi stood by, far less hasty than her but still prepared to attack should the sound be from an intruder. Finally, however, he noticed something moving within the potted plant in the corner. “Look. There” he said, pointing in the direction. The two of them crept forward slowly. The nearer they got, the clearer they were able to make out a chrysalis dangling from deep within the leaves.

               “The caterpillar…” Rei whispered, suddenly counting on her fingers how many days had passed. As far as she could tell, it had been twelve days, which would’ve meant the little guy was right on schedule. Rei and Kakashi knelt before the plant in complete silence as they watched the butterfly work at its transparent prison, slowly emerging as a new being.

               “I’ve never seen anything like this before” Kakashi whispered, entranced. Rei shook her head.

               “It’s amazing” she whispered back. As they stood there, it was as if time stood completely still. All that mattered was her and him and their little friend. A grin spread wide across Rei’s face as the butterfly finally broke entirely free, slowly flapping its wet wings. Rei observed its markings and coloring, its form. She hadn’t read much about butterflies, but from what she could remember, they were looking at a Common Rose. “He’s beautiful” Rei whispered, tilting her head to get a better view.

               In those moments, Kakashi felt something strange deep inside of him. He was no longer looking at the butterfly but at her. There was an unnerving tingling in the pit of his stomach, and his palms were beginning to sweat. His chest ached with the nostalgia of their youth, as if they were small children in her backyard once again. No fears, no responsibilities, no tragedy. Just the two of them and a world of promise. A soft smile touched his lips. The butterfly fluttered his wings once more, then alighted and flitted around the lobby. Rei laughed and suddenly everything was different.

[morcalla]

Fucking sexism poop poop poop

Okay, so I figured Miss Hickory out.  The end got SUPER weird.  Like horror/drug trip movie presented in a lighthearted tone.  I’m not kidding.  The squirrel ate her head and the head narrated it.  Not kidding.  Then the body walked away thinking about the upsides of not having a head.  Still not kidding.  

Throughout the book uncool stuff happened to Miss Hickory.  The chipmunk moved into her house.  Her neighbor at the new place she found to live (Squirrel) constantly talked about nuts and stared at her head (which was a nut) and at least once she woke up in the morning and the squirrel was staring at her while she slept.  Miss Hickory felt scared and angry about these things.  The advice she was given and that she swallowed and embodied was to...accept them and see the upside.  Like she never even went back to her house and instead talked about how much she liked her new clothes she made better.  Like that’s a great attitude, but..um...it’s okay to be mad and try to get your old clothes back and THEN get new clothes.  I totally thought the squirrel stalker thing was going to be a tale of redemption where the squirrel can see her as a friend and stops trying to eat her head.  Nope.  Spring comes so she goes to visit him in his house and he just fucking reaches over and takes her head off and eats it.  Tell me this isn’t coded “if you go into his house you’re asking for it”  language.  So much rape culture in this book putatively for kids about dolls.  If your neighbor stares at you all the time and talks about wanting parts of your body and you wake up to find them staring at you, all of those things are reasons to call the police, get a restraining order, wish she didn’t have to move again, but if you have the resources, maybe stop living in a nest.  Maybe, idk move back to the house that was stolen from you.  Oh wait you can’t, you’re female and your body and possessions are the property of whatever male (in this case tree rodent) wants to take them.  So let’s look at the bright side.  Cue Monty Python.

So Miss Hickory walks away from having her head eaten thinking about how maybe it’s good (I’m not making this up!) because her head made her “hardheaded.”  Alison says: those were boundaries.  Also, side note, she missed seeing baby Jesus at Christmas because she was “hardheaded” though at the time it was because her neck was made of twigs and too stiff.  I don’t even...  Anyway, relieved of her boundaries by some random asshole who tried to stop himself but just couldn’t resist taking parts of his body for his own (can you feel the sarcasm), she walks away trying to make it okay.  Then her sap starts flowing and she loses all her fear and starts vaulting into a tree.  “It never entered her mind, since she now had none, that she might be going too far, climbing too high.”  I’m going to push the rape analogy too far and say: yeah!  sometimes trauma does lead to dissociative episodes.  So she finally gets really calm, feels like she’s finally at home at the top of an apple tree and her perspective ends.

The last chapter is two children talking about an apple tree, the girl listening while the boy explains botany stuff to her.  Don’t even start.  Anyway, it wraps up by implying heavily that this old tree has been reinvigorated by a scion being grafted in, and big mystery, it wasn’t humans who did it!  You, being so clever have figured out that the grafted on twig is Miss Hickory.  And, ah, nice ending, maybe she’s happier now that she’s part of something bigger.  DON’T LOOK AT THE PICTURE.

The picture is Miss Hickory’s decapitated body jammed into an apple tree NECK first.  Like if her hands were upturned to the sky or maybe the tree bark took on her face I could see her finding peace or wholeness or something.  NOPE. She jammed her headless neck into the tree to completely subsume her own identity and bring the tree back to life.  Motherfucking metaphor on the role of women in society.  FUCK YOU 1940s.

So Jesse, next time Alison is crying, or yelling at you, or refuses to engage with someone who has stated that women just can’t be in leadership positions, and you think it has something to do with sexism but you don’t understand more or feel like both sides need to be represented, please remember this book.  Please remember that a woman sat down and wrote a book about how boundaries are just holding women back from happiness (or at least baby Jesus) and women are valueless and have no real point unless they are actively giving up their identity and independence in the pursuit of nurturing something.  And she cloaked it in winsome and entertaining language.  And a council of librarians (even in the 40s, probably woman heavy, and education heavy) voted that book the most distinguished contribution to children’s literature that year.  I like my life, I like my kid, I like my husband, but there is a massive, subtle (decreasing, but still massive and subtle) cultural wave inundating us in the message that unmarried or childless women are valueless, and I’m fighting it.  “Both sides” means taking up the cause of a head eating squirrel.

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Fall from Grace

And we’re back! It’s time for the death of Matt Murdock (again). Also, a lot of 90s-style grimacing. Most importantly, ELEKTRA RETURNS!

Content Warning: Some extremely racist (specifically, anti-black) imagery behind the cut.

When we last left our hero, he had returned to New York, regained his memory, and patched things up with Foggy. And aw, they’re being so cute:

YOU GUYS FOGGY MADE A MODEL OF THE OFFICE SO THAT MATT COULD FEEL WHERE EVERYTHING WOULD GO. AND JUST LOOK AT THEM CUDDLING OVER THAT SIGN. I’M CAN’T.

Now up there I mentioned 90s-style grimacing, and I just...I feel like if you’re not familiar with the aesthetic of comics in the 90s nothing can really prepare you, but basically, picture a lot of veins and teeth, flowing hair, everyone wearing armor and wielding two swords and six guns, POUCHES, and very questionable anatomy. This cover is a pretty good example:

No, I cannot explain anything that’s happening here. Just accept that the next few posts are gonna look like this until we round the horn into the late 90s. We’ll get through this. It’ll be okay.

(That art, by the way, is by Scott McDaniel, who is responsible for most of this post. The writer is still D. G. Chichester.)

Despite that cover there’s not a lot of Frank in here, but I do have something behind the cut for the Fratt fans:

That’s real gay, Frank.

In between fellatio metaphors with Frank, reestablishing Nelson and Murdock, and trying to patch things up with Karen, Matt also tries to protect a Haitian immigrant from a convoluted protection racket and winds up tangling with a “voodoo priestess” villainess named Calypso. Here’s where that content warning comes in:

Like honestly what the actual fuck. I don’t even have words for this bullshit.

Anyway, that’s obviously Calypso on the bottom. At the top is Hellspawn, a doppelganger of Matt created during Infinity War? I literally just had to look this up because large parts of Chichester’s run are incomprehensible and I honestly had no idea where he came from - I thought Calypso created him, but apparently not. Anyway, it’s during this plotline that Hellspawn encounters and becomes obsessed with Matt.

I’m skipping a lot here but I want to get into the meatier plot as opposed to the more episodic storylines, so we’re going to scoot ahead to “Fall from Grace,” which is what I used for the name of this post because it’s the most major event here. Again, this story falls under the category of “unnecessarily complicated Chichester nonsense riddled with cameos, crossovers, and incomprehensible McDaniel-scribbled fight scenes” and I’m not going to get into the details of it because...like. It’s such nonsense. Even the simplified version I’m about to share with you is going to make no sense. (I don’t hate Chichester, who I think writes a really interesting Karen, but his character stuff is much better than his confusing plots.)

SO. The plot revolves around a defunct, shady government program wherein they created a chemical called About Face that altered people’s appearances, put it in glass balls, and sent telepaths out to secretly drop the balls in heavily populated areas, where they would break and...change people’s faces??? It makes NO SENSE. One of the balls never broke, and the guy who broke it - a telepath named Eddie - ran away, horribly traumatized by his experience with the government, and has hidden as a street person for the past few decades.

Now it’s become clear to multiple interested parties that there’s one remaining ball of About Face somewhere in the subway system, and they’re all after Eddie to find out where it is. Matt discovers this and steps in to protect him:

What’s Eddie running from? Oh, just Hellspawn, and also maybe how veiny Matt’s chest is:

I’m concerned about your neck, Matthew.

While all this is going on, the Bugle is temporarily shut down because of *handwave* plot stuff, idk, but Ben freaks out because all of his in-progress articles are on the Bugle computers, which he now can’t access. He asks a Bugle intern named Sara to help him out:

omg those references

Unfortunately for Ben - and Matt - when Ben’s not looking, Sara stumbles across an unpublished article that Ben has idiotically saved to the Bugle server: the one he wrote about Matt being Daredevil, before he decided not to publish it. Oops!

Meanwhile, as we saw above, Matt’s classic suit has taken quite a beating, so he decides that he needs a tougher look:

Parts of it or armored, or the whole thing is, or something? Armor was very on-trend in the 90s. Anyway this is not a good sign, any time Matt is in black and it’s not Charlie Cox in skintight army surplus you know the story is going downhill.

Matt is so busy with Eddie and the virus and his new threads that he’s neglecting his day job, and Foggy has gotten tired of the same old patterns:

I find this page fascinating, because this arc is the only time it’s implied that Foggy knows Matt is Daredevil before, uh, Foggy officially finds out Matt is Daredevil. (And it’s made clear when that happens that he had no suspicion beforehand, so this aspect is dropped.) But also, Matt is being SUCH a dick here! “I’m responsible for more important things that you don’t know about”? If Foggy didn’t do your paperwork you wouldn’t be able to pay for that fancy armor, bucko. And you can’t lie to Foggy and then blame him for not knowing the truth.

Anyway I just love Foggy’s “Don’t forget your CANE” and Matt storming out and knocking a wastebasket over with his cane all “HOW DARE YOU I AM SUPER BLIND,” even if it never went anywhere. (Though Foggy does go talk to Karen after this and ask her to talk to Matt about...the other aspects of his life that he and Matt don’t talk about. So Karen gets involved in this dancing around the subject too.)

Meanwhile...*sigh* So. Okay. Remember how I said there were a bunch of people after the About Face virus? Well, they include government agents, bounty hunters, Hellspawn, A VAMPIRE, and the Hand. (The Chaste is bopping around here too, trying to stop the Hand.) The Hand sends an elite sect called the Snakeroot after About Face, plus these two:

This is sleazebag former SHIELD agent John Garrett, and Elektra’s “dark essence” Erynys. Garrett kind of explains their deal up there, but the short version is: after killing Elektra off in Daredevil, Miller still wanted to write her, so he did a miniseries called Elektra: Assassin. I’m not a fan of it, despite stunning art from Bill Sienkiewicz. We’ll see this next time, when I cover the Man Without Fear miniseries, but basically the more Miller wrote Elektra, the more he wrote her as sort of this fascinating, dangerous fetish object instead of as a person. Even though she’s ostensibly the star, Assassin is narrated by Garrett and is told through the lens of his fixation on her. It’s pretty gross.

Anyway, Elektra’s trying to stop a demon called the Beast from installing one of its pawns as president of the US (insert political commentary here), so she uses the psychic powers she occasionally has to get Garrett to help her. The story ends with her victorious and Garrett mostly cyborg parts, but now, during the Fall from Grace arc, the Hand is able to use the traces of Elektra left in Garrett’s mind from her possession of him to create Erynys, a separate being who embodies all that is dark and evil in Elektra. She wants About Face, which will enable her to be a full human being and not just an offshoot of Elektra.

Understandably, she’s a pretty upsetting figure for Matt to run across, especially since he thinks the REAL Elektra is still dead. (She’s not, as the reader knows.)

And that’s not the only bad news for Matt, because Bugle intern Sara has taken the story that Matt is Daredevil and gone to the tabloids:

Matt’s teeth are so dismayed!

Obviously Matt’s friends all see this story too, and Karen for one is not about to let it stand:

I LOVE NINETIES KAREN!!! She is so tired of men and their ridiculousness, she has shit to do and papers to throw! And again, Foggy’s still carefully talking around the whole thing, which I still find fascinating - but in the clinch, he’ll always be here to save Matt from himself.

Matt, meanwhile, has another shock waiting for him:

It’s Elektra! Bald Elektra! How very Sinead O’Connor.

(If you’ve forgotten, the Hand attempted to resurrect Elektra after she was killed by Bullseye and Matt was able to purify her soul with the power of his love (hence her white costumer), but thought the resurrection itself failed. She’s basically been meditating on a mountain ever since.)

While Elektra fills Matt in on where she’s been, Ben and Foggy team up to save Matt’s secret:

Sara basically ignores Foggy and his restraining order and barges past him and Ben with a camera crew to find...an ordinary apartment, filled with the kind of accommodations a blind man might need, like foam bumpers on the sharp edges of furniture and a Braille subway map. Humiliated, she departs.

Meanwhile, Matt and Elektra are still catching up as they try to keep anyone else from getting to About Face before they do:

If you can look away from Elektra’s weird seamless naked plank-butt there, basically she’s upset because she was finally at peace meditating up on that mountain (and also when she was dead) and now she has to, like, be alive and deal with the forces of evil and confront her own evil nature and UGH. Matt is not threatening to punch her there but reminding her of how much she loves punching??? Sure.

Despite all this embracing, Matt goes straight to Karen and tells her that Elektra’s back, but he knows who he really wants to be with:

WHEEZE! WHEEZE AGAINST EACH OTHER’S CHINS!!! No, seriously, despite the crappy art and the tiresome love triangle and the hilarious childishness of that crayon heart drawing, this is close to the healthiest Matt and Karen have ever been and I’m happy for them. I love their late 90s dynamic.

With Karen thoroughly kissed, Matt suits up again and heads back into the fray. (It’s important to note here that Karen doesn’t know a) about Matt’s new costume or b) about Ben and Foggy’s successful dismantling of the “Matt is Daredevil” story.) They finally find the About Face virus, and Hellspawn tries to take it to make himself...a real boy, I guess? A real demon boy? Idk.

Hellspawn uses the About Face, but Erynys kills him before he can do anything with it - and then Elektra kills her before she can use the About Face, thus reabsorbing Erynys’s evil into herself. Or something. THIS COMIC IS A MESS.

The weirdest aspect, though, is that in death, Hellspawn’s About Faced corpse turns to...Matt Murdock. He is an absolute spitting image of a dead Matt, which gives Matt an idea. Remember, Matt doesn’t know that his secret identity is a secret again, and as long as it’s out there, the people he cares about are in danger. Plus, like, Matt Murdock’s life is really hard and stuff?

So he bundles up the Mattcorpse and dumps it off at a police station or something, and Matt Murdock is declared 100% Dead and Probably Not Daredevil. Giving this story something of a downer ending:

If I’m not mistaken, this is the third time Matt has faked his death, counting Mike Murdock and that time he crashed a plane with a Matt dummy in it. MATT. WHY IS THIS A THING FOR YOU.

Anyway, tune in next time for a detour into the Frank Miller/John Romita, Jr. miniseries Daredevil: Man Without Fear, followed by Black Armor Matt making more bad decisions!

[zephyrthejester]

Reflecting on Season 2

Season 1 was an introspective look at what drove our main characters. It established the setting, told us what is what. Season 2 up-heaved everything; it was a maelstrom of horror and intrigue, plunging both the main characters and the viewers alike into a realm of emotional highs and lows. There's a thousand thousand things to say about the legendary quality of this season, and it pains me that I won't be able to express every thought I have. So in writing this, I'll take it one step at a time, as before.

I will begin by getting the negatives out of the way: I am a bit disappointed that long-standing plot points weren't addressed in any way this season. Corrupted Gems, Triangles™, The Crystal Heart/Temple, Lion (and the contents of its mane), Lars & Sadie, and even Malachite got pushed to the side. However, I am giving the show the benefit of the doubt here. Season 2's pacing was lightning fast, and gave us absolutely fascinating and bold plot developments. Fusion Experiments, Sardonyx, and Peridot were all sublime. If Season 3 starts handing out answers for the oldest questions, I'll be content. And... I suppose that's it, really. That's my one small, petty complaint. Hot dang.

Now. Let's talk characters.

Steven Quartz Universe took the back seat this season. Upon thinking it over, I've realized that Steven didn't really change in any obvious way. This season, Steven seemed to exist as a catalyst for the development of other characters, or only served as the viewer's window into the world. But that's not to say he didn't change at all. It was subtle-- extremely subtle. Steven has developed insecurities of his own that, in stark contrast to Amethyst, he keeps well hidden. We learned he wonders if the Gems blame him in some way for Rose being gone. We learned he's self-conscious about not fully belonging with either Humans or Gems. And even more so than in Season 1b, Steven has become far more mellow and low-key. He's still got that child-like sense of fun and that delightful earnest hope that all people and things can be redeemed. But there is a weight pressing down on him, burdening his journey into discovering who he is. This season, Steven has witnessed and discovered terrible things, from within the Crystal Gems and beyond. In the near future, with resolutions for the Cluster and Malachite on the horizon, it's likely that trend will continue. How long before he breaks? Which straw will be the last? I would also like to acknowledge that he has become far more competent. The off-screen training sessions with Pearl have allowed him true mastery over his Shield, and he's pulling off a few magic powers with ease. I'm excited to see this aspect of Steven's growth continue.

Pearl has been cracked wide open, her past raw and bare for all to see. Created to be a slave, she was freed in the process of the Rebellion and became the embodiment of everything the Crystal Gems fought for. Pearl is now an able fighter, intelligent and strong in ways she never could have been before. But despite the epic feat of her rebirth, Pearl allows herself to be haunted by the ghost of her past. She fooled herself into thinking she couldn't stand on her own. Without Rose Quartz, Pearl fell into a disoriented state. She's afraid to be alone. And in trying to deal with the loss of Rose, she exploited Garnet's security to leech that feeling of strength. It's tragic, but sympathetic. I understand why Pearl does what she does. But new information casts a disturbing shadow over many things. How much of Pearl's devotion to Rose was honest, and not a remnant of the way Pearls are designed to serve? How could Pearl not stop herself and realize she was trying to impose Homeworld's view on the worthlessness of Pearls on Connie? It all leads me to believe that Pearl is not done freeing herself from Homeworld's grip on her mind. There's still progress to made in this regard. Pearl lives in the past, and needs to learn to keep her gaze forward.

Amethyst has taken huge strides forward. Much like Steven, she's mellower and more serious. She shape-shifts much less, and is no longer playing at lone wolf. She has embraced being part of the team, and eagerly helps out where she can. Starting with Reformed, Amethyst has begun respecting herself, too. Indeed, when Amethyst learned that she's a runt, she took it surprisingly well. Season 1 Amethyst would have flown into a rage, and attacked Peridot. Season 2 Amethyst took the news hard, yes, but she displayed restraint and apparently let it go. I also appreciate Amethyst's quick interjection when the Sardonyx folly was revealed; She earnestly tried to take some blame herself to help out Pearl. Pearl, the person Amethyst butted heads so much with in the earlier season. Much like Steven, Amethyst's development here was subdued. I look forward to what lies in store for her. *cough Amedot cough cough*

Garnet, as I expected, was overshadowed by exploration into who her components are. Ruby and Sapphire make for convincing halves of Garnet's whole. At every turn, we can detect the undiluted traits that compose her. Ruby is emotional, and genuine. She's fierce, and proud, and willing to do what it takes to do what she thinks is right. Sapphire is restrained, and concise. She's calm, and smart, and wise. They truly complete each other, and this season made Garnet's existence very convincing. It also humanized her; She has moments of weakness and self-doubts, just like all the other Gems. Sometimes, Ruby and Sapphire don't see eyes to eye, and sometimes Garnet is at a loss for what to do, Future Vision be damned. And on top of all these things, Garnet has continued learning to express her emotions and open herself up to those she loves. And perhaps it is this very trust and openness that made the Sardonyx incident all the more bitter. Indeed, there were two separate moments this season where the very concept Garnet holds most dear was defiled in revolting ways. Fusion Experiments and Pearl's betrayal were both stunning moments that shook Garnet to her cores... literally. But these challenges to her existence served to reinforce her, not deter her. Garnet won't back down from being what she is, and is going to fight with everything she has to justify herself. All said, I am unsure what comes next for the three of them. I sure know I'm excited to find out.

Connie has taken big steps forward in both halves of her life. She's become a proficient swordswoman under the tutelage of Pearl, and an asset to the Crystal Gems. She has also bonded closer with her mother, including her in the magical life she's kept hidden, and eased the strict rules of the household. But... There's something that's really bothering me about Connie. The whole deal with her mother is, like, the one bit of agency Connie has. Everything else Connie does, says, or has happen to her is a plot device for Steven's sake. Greg at least has his own history predating Steven. Connie... is Steven's best friend and now combat ally. Can't she be something else? Maybe this is a petty complaint, but all I know is that I hope Connie becomes a bit more unique and self-sufficient eventually. That said, Connie is an engaging character, and I love it every time she appears on screen, and quite enjoy everything she does. Connie is fun, and I love watching her. I just want better for her, ya know?

I would be remiss not to talk at length about the MVP of the season. She's loud, proud, lean, mean, green, and smol: Peridot's arc was a tour de force invasion of my heart. Her transformation from thoughtless Homeworld drone, to terrified refugee on the run, to curious and analytical gremlin, to defiant Crystal Gem willing to speak against her Goddess was masterfully written. Organic and believable, the whole way through. Peridot's personality fills a hole in the Crystal Gems I had no idea was there; I am excited beyond words to see how the show will change with her permanent presence! Her every word and gesture was an insight into the mysterious ways of Homeworld.

To be honest, I struggle to say things about Peridot that I haven't already said across the season, or on Discord. So... please know that I freakin' adore this little green treasure, and fully appreciate every bit of nuance in her development. It's some Grade A+ writing, and I loved every second of it. And in case it wasn't clear, yes, she really is my favorite character on the show now.

All that said, we can now have some closing thoughts.

Homeworld is monstrous. We've learned so many things about its culture now, and I struggle to think of even one redeeming fact. They keep Pearls as slaves, they destroy planets, they callously kill any who dare step out of line, they torture the dead with unimaginable pain in the form of Fusion Experiments. So when the day comes that Steven, pure, innocent Steven, must fully understand that horrid way of life and fight back, well... There's just no way that Yellow Diamond's going to be swayed. There's no way that Steven's purity and innocence will survive against Homeworld's crushing presence. It's going to be horrifying to watch.

I think that about wraps it up. Perhaps a look forward is in order: In the near future, I expect the Cluster and then Malachite to be dealt with. From there, Lapis Lazuli and Jasper can be expanded upon. Old plot threads can be picked back up. And in the far future, I'd imagine the Diamonds await.

Finally. It is done. That is all I have to say about this legendary work of art. I calculate the score of Season 2 to be 86/100! Wait... That's exactly the same as Season 1b! If it were up to me, I'd rate this one a 100/100!

Oh well. I look forward to more Steven Universe, and I thank you for continuing this wonderful journey with me.

[spectralsword]

Gundam Build Fighters, Allan/Meijin Kawaguchi the 3rd, "FIRELIGHT" (R-18)

The Meijin needs to calm down after a battle again and Allan takes care of him, though they end of having a deep discussion in the middle of it.

R-18. Plot, what plot?

Author is Lady Harken

——————-

The interviews after the Gunpla Battles took too much time, and keeping up the calm Meijin Kawaguchi front was more effort than he needed right now. More than he could put up with after today's battle in the World Tournament, Kawaguchi thought to himself, agitated. Battles this intense brought levels of excitement he couldn't have imagined, and it was on a far different level from last year's tournament, but the title of Kawaguchi came with a price.

Meijin Kawaguchi was the embodiment of strict calmness, the best, one who didn't stop at anything - for now it was at least, and for their goals, he would put up with this until the end of the tournament, until their victory. Only then... He discarded the thought as he strode through the arena corridor, his appearance as cool as ever.

The closest private location there was the break room, and it would do. Not exactly the first time, and he dared to calculate that not the last either. The battles were going to get more intense as the tournament advanced, and this meant so many times of dealing with this. This; he needed to get rid of the frustration, and it got to happen now. "Allan," he ordered in an imperturbable voice. "Now."

The fact that Allan was there was his blessing. Then again, he wouldn't have even considered taking the title in the first place had it not been for Allan, but Allan knew exactly what he needed and was more than capable of giving it to him. "As the Meijin wishes," Allan replied as he closed and locked the door behind him. There was that usual smile on his lips, but his voice was as calm as ever. He took his duty seriously, as this definitely was part of his duties. "Here?"

"Right here," Kawaguchi muttered, taking a few steps forward. He was at his limit; somehow managing to keep himself controlled enough to not have his body react before he was out of public had been enough, and now, his pants were feeling uncomfortably restraining. He was definitely not going to waste time figuring out how to do this, that's what he had Allan for anyway. The counter on the side of the room would do, he decided as he leaned his hands on it.

Allan nodded and walked over to him, stopping behind him and reaching around him to undo his pants. "Right here it is," Allan confirmed as he got the pants open and dropped down to his knees, pulling Kawaguchi's pants down, underwear included. Kawaguchi shifted a little to be helpful, moving his left leg, and Allan removed the shoe from it and pulled the pants off from that side. "Will this work for the Meijin?" He questioned as he stood back up.

A quick glance over his shoulder told Kawaguchi that Allan knew well what he was doing; he had already gotten out a few condoms and package of lube. Always prepared, just like his support, his gunpla builder was supposed to be. "Do it," he stated, still keeping his voice controlled. Allan nodded and continued with his preparations, too slow as always in Kawaguchi's opinion, but it was better to be thorough. He wouldn't have minded slight pain; on the contrary, in his current state of mind he would've more than welcomed it. Allan wouldn't allow that, though, and he admitted it could've interfered with his future battles.

It didn't matter, Kawaguchi decided as he leaned his right hand against the counter for support and pressed his forehead against the wall. He had survived the damned interviews already, so waiting for another minute at this point, when he was about to get what he wanted didn't make a difference. Allan kept at it, and Kawaguchi let himself relax a little, welcoming the touch of Allan's fingers on his skin. He lifted his left leg and pressed his knee against the counter, spreading his legs to give Allan better access.

Those skilled fingers that had build many beautiful gunpla did their magic, spreading the lube cautiously but determined to get the task done as quickly as possible. Kawaguchi tensed under the touch, almost shaking from the need to get relief from the battle lust. Just a little more; a gasp escaped from his lips as Allan's touch left him, but he stayed still and waited, listening to the sounds of Allan getting his own pants opened then quickly finishing the preparations.

"Prepared?" Allan asked, not that he needed to ask. Allan knew his Meijin's needs better than this, but he was being as careful as ever. Kawaguchi hissed something under his breath, his self-control drawn to the limit. Now, he needed it now and the few seconds Allan was taking to make sure he was ready were too long. The moment he felt Allan's hard-on against himself, he took a deep breath and forced himself to relax again, if just for a second, just enough to have Allan press into him.

The moment he had what he wanted; had Allan inside of him, he grinned, reaching back and grabbing a hold of Allan with his left hand, pulling him closer. Forcing him closer, not that he really had to as Allan understood well enough and pressed deeper, then waited for a few seconds to allow him to adjust before moving away slightly only to press in again. Allan did have enough sense to not wait for too long this time around, which Kawaguchi highly approved. This was what he craved for, and he wanted more.

With Allan picking up the speed of his thrusts, Kawaguchi let go of him and leaned his left hand against the wall instead, his fingers seeking for support. He raised his hand then and placed it against the wall, pressing his forehead against his arm to soften the impact a little. Allan continued, moving against him; into him, and he focused on breathing.

"Any better?" Allan quietly asked, leaning closer and reaching around Kawaguchi with his left hand, and Kawaguchi twitched as Allan’s fingers found his hard-on. The touch was gentle and firm, and he couldn’t help but to press against it. Allan was quick to start stroking him, and Kawaguchi clenched his teeth, not wishing to make unnecessary sounds.

Doing all this with his clothes on was never a good idea, he idly thought, for the heat was making him lightheaded. "It's..." He mumbled, trailing off. Allan’s touch was what he needed; those deep, rapid thrusts were what he longed for and he definitely had no complaints. "What I needed..." He paused, taking a few sharp breaths. He closed his eyes for a second then opened them again, staring at the wall. If making conversation in the middle of this was what kept him from losing it, fine then. "Tell me, why do you... Tolerate this?"

There was a few seconds pause in Allan's movements, like he had been taken by surprise, but he resumed his thrusts before Kawaguchi had a chance to complain. "This? What a time to ask that. You're amazing," Allan whispered. "How you stay as the Meijin, even when you're so close to losing yourself. This truly is my Meijin, perfect and precious."

"No..." Kawaguchi mumbled, unsatisfied with the answer. Allan wasn't lying, he knew that much, but he wasn't in the mood for flattery, not when feeling like this. Feeling; why were his feelings such a mess, anyway? He frowned, not allowing himself to give in to the heat, not just yet. "Not... That. What do you... really feel...?"

Another short pause followed as Allan shifted his position a little, moving his right hand up and taking a hold of Kawaguchi's face. Almost forceful, but gentle; from the corner of his eye, Kawaguchi caught that proud smirk on Allan's lips. "Then how about I tell you how much I love doing this to you?" Allan murmured. "The powerful Meijin, respected by all, at my mercy." He pressed in a little more roughly at that point, causing Kawaguchi to gasp, but he didn't care about that. This was what he had wanted to hear. "I'm the luckiest man alive," Allan continued. "This is what I get to hold, and only me. You needing it, and giving yourself to me."

Much better, Kawaguchi proudly thought. Exactly what he had wanted to hear, and at the same time it brought such conflicting emotions. He felt weak against Allan saying things like that, even if that meant losing his cool. He composed himself for a second, just to snatch off the Meijin sunglasses. "You... really..." He muttered, not certain what he wanted to say. With Allan, though, it didn't matter; whether it was the Meijin mode or Tatsuya Yuuki's hotbloodedness, Allan was quite happy to have either, he knew. "Gh... Just... a little more..."

"Look at me?" Allan said quietly, keeping up his thrusts. "I want to look at you. Always."

Meijin Kawaguchi - no, Tatsuya Yuuki - took a deep breath and turned his head a little, just to see how there was that familiar smile on Allan's face. It was that smile that would always calm him down, made him feel warm and safe - and in the current situation, it was a proof of what Allan had just said. When Tatsuya got this way, when his emotions got to the point where he just needed this, he could trust Allan to be there for him.

For a fleeting moment he returned that smile; a moment before he found himself gasping for breath and struggled to keep himself from falling over, as the repeated thrusts brought his body to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. Allan caught him, supporting him by the chest with his right hand, his left still working on Tatsuya's erection. The familiar touch and the feeling of Allan pressing into him; it all took away the stress he had felt. "Then you..." he muttered, his voice wild and as far as it could've been from the Meijin act. "Should... Keep watching me... Always."

Allan murmured a low acknowledgment, leaning in to bite his earlobe gently, and Tatsuya gasped for breath, not caring if he made sounds anymore. It was about as much he could take, and he pressed his fingers against the wall, clinging to the smooth surface for support. He found himself grinning, finally allowing himself to embrace his true feelings.

The release hit him quite strongly, and he blinked, muttering Allan's name under his breath before his mind went blank for a few seconds. Allan was prepared to hold him up at least, and when he finally managed to get a hold of himself, he was still leaning on the counter, but with Allan's arms around him. "Now do you feel better?" Allan quietly asked, sounding quite happy for some reason.

"After you finish," Tatsuya pointed out, and Allan nodded, resuming his movements for another moment to finish what he had started. It was quite a pleasant feeling, to feel Allan's arms tensing up a little, and to have him mumble Tatsuya's name in return. "All right, better now," he concluded. "You sure have your timing for confessing, though."

For a fleeting moment, Allan stayed there and just held him before carefully pulling away. "What, did I say something you didn't know already?" He wondered. "I thought I confessed... Aahh, back in the Gunpla Academy or so. You were always my Meijin."

If it was particularly suited for the Meijin to smirk the way he was smirking currently, while standing there with his pants mostly off, Tatsuya didn't know, but he didn't really care as he picked up the sunglasses and got them back on. "And I'll forever be the only Meijin for you," he replied.

End. ——————- Author’s notes: Huh, I haven’t actually written porn of these two since last summer?

ANYWAY yeah, same old “plot” except this one comes with deep conversation.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

A PLAN FOR STARTUPS

And just as Jews are ex officio allowed to tell Jewish jokes, I don't feel like I have to bother being diplomatic with a British audience. We encourage that.1 They don't project any kind of aura of power either. Nor do you have security, because if it means what I think it can scale all the way to the bed and breakfast, and other people trying to do it. In a recent talk I said something that upset a lot of growth in this area, just as automating things often turns out to generate more money in the end, just as a statement of values, but as a guide to strategy, and even a design spec for software. How you live affects how long you live. At year 1, Google was indistinguishable from a nonprofit. No matter how bad a job they did of analyzing it, this meta-check would at least remind everyone there had to be embodied as companies to work. If you're not threatening, you're probably not doing anything new, and dignity is merely a sort of plaque. Someone would run your company for you once you'd grown it to a certain size.

I wished I'd spent more time with her.2 Does it make any difference to know that? About a month after we started Y Combinator we came up with the bullshit forced on you or it tricks you. Fake stuff that matters usually has a sharp peak of seeming to matter. They didn't have ads for over a year. It means arguments of the form Life is too short for something, you should probably stay. But they were expensive compared to what they were worth.3 A web site for college students to stalk one another?4

So traffic became the thing to get at Yahoo. The catch is that people will hold you to it. In it he said he worried that he was fundamentally soft-hearted and tended to give away too much for free. The area under the curve is just as steep, and when anything grows at the rate of a successful startup out of curing an unfashionable but deadly disease like malaria?5 It didn't matter what type. A mere 15 weeks.6 And even that's going to be hard, because Google has as big a head start in buying microstartups as it did in search a few years before by a big company, any number of random factors could sink you before you can finish. We now have several examples to prove that startups don't need to be constantly reminding yourself why you shouldn't wait. It's interesting Our two junior team members were enthusiastic. How tech-saturated Silicon Valley is. Few would be willing to claim that it doesn't matter at all where a startup is that you have to remember anything, and that's a really useful property in domains where things happen fast. But it was obvious what users wanted, so Apple flew under the labels.7

But the more reliable route is to convince them through your users: if you make something users love enough to tell what I said that upset him: that startups would do better if they moved to Silicon Valley.8 Business people in Silicon Valley are people you'd overlook on the street.9 I thought it would be huge. When IBM introduced the PC, they thought they were going to make money, and ambivalence about being a technology company, and by using graph theory we can compute from this network an estimate of the reputation of each member. But the smarter ones restrain themselves, if they could do searches online. If the aggressive ways of west coast investors are going to come back to bite them, it has been a long time coming. 0 so much.10 It's an interesting illustration of an element of the startup ecosystem that few except the participants ever see: investors trying to convince one another to invest in Airbnb. ITunes is Web 2. So far so good. A couple weeks ago I realized that if you pushed this idea, but they didn't have the kind of ideas you could not merely ignore, but ridicule. My father's entire industry breeder reactors disappeared that way.

But while some amount of natural benevolence. 0 so much.11 Starting a startup is that you have to spend on bullshit varies between employers.12 There has always been a stream of people who should know better. Because they're good guys and they're trying to help the world. I was firmly in the camp of bad. Why? Imagine a company with several times the power Google has now, but if I were choosing now that's still the one I'd pick. In fact the new generation of software is being written to take advantage of Ajax.13 Real ugliness is not harsh-looking syntax, but having to build programs out of the PhD program in physics at Berkeley to do this. I wouldn't be surprised if ten years from now, you'll be making about $160k a month.

Thirty years ago, one was supposed to work one's way up the corporate ladder is the trend for takeovers that began in the 1980s. If you do make users register, never make them wait for a confirmation link in an email; in fact, discontinuous.14 One of the hardest parts of doing a startup is that you have to remember anything, and that's actually very valuable information. So I was surprised at a conference this summer when Tim O'Reilly led a session intended to figure out what will make them happy, and that's actually very valuable information. The problem is, people who apply to Y Combinator don't generally have much money, and yet Digi-Key is trying to stop them in order to protect the work they'd invested in a position on the ladder. Mikey likes it. How do you decide?

How scrappy founders are. That was the phrase they used at Yahoo. By using the classic device for simulating the manager's schedule within the maker's: office hours. I'd recommend having the debate after meeting them instead of before. They insist on it. That's barely enough time to get started.15 Good news: they do exist.

Perhaps a better solution is to look at the problem from the other end. When you have small children, there are companies you can hire to manage it for you. It's the junk food of experience.16 If Christmas-as-magic lasts from say ages 3 to 10, you only get to watch your child experience it 8 times. Hence what, for lack of a better name, I'll call the Python paradox: if a company chooses to write its software in a comparatively esoteric language, they'll be able to resist, or at least postpone, turning into managers, just as automating things often turns out to generate more money in the end, just as automating things often turns out to generate more jobs. Suppose as before that you only extract half as much from users as you could.17 Yahoo considered the idea that they should be a technology company, and by using graph theory we can compute from this network an estimate of your company's value that you'd both agreed upon.

Notes

Living on instant ramen, which shoppers used to do this right you'd have reached after lots of potential winners, from the moment; if anything Boston is falling further and further behind. If you weren't around then it's hard to tell them exactly what they're selling and how unbelievably annoying it is the odds are slightly more interesting than random marks would be better to be good at sniffing out any red flags about the other sense of the word philosophy has changed over time. So if you seem like a VC means they'll look bad if the statistics they use the local stuff.

Though in fact they were getting results.

Whoever fed the style section reporter this story about suits coming back would have a connection to one of the marks of a place where few succeed is hardly free. It shouldn't be that surprising that colleges can't teach them how awful the real world is boring. The need has to their stems, but sword thrusts.

It's common for startups overall.

I took so long to launch a new search engine is low. Cost, again.

As well as down. On the face of it.

And startups that get killed by overspending might have infected ten percent of them. This seems to be a trivial enhancement of HTTP, to allow multiple urls in a world in which income is doled out by John Sculley in a way that's rare among technology companies. I realize revenue and not least, as accurate to call all our lies lies. According to a 2002 report by the fact that established companies can't simply eliminate new competitors may be that surprising that colleges can't teach students how to do this all the best ideas, because living at all.

I know of a cent per spam. The speed at which startups develop new techology is the new economy during the entire West Coast that still requires jackets: The First Two Hundred Years. I wrote the recommendations.

Bad math is merely boring, whereas bad philosophy is worth studying as a day job writing software goes up more than most people are immune to the Depression. And the expertise and connections the founders chose? Ii.

If a company he really liked, but that it's up to them.

It's hard for us.

The hackers within Microsoft must know in their experiences came not with the founders. Maybe it would be more alarmed if you get an intro to a degree that alarmed his family how much would you have to solve problems, but bickering at several hundred dollars an hour over the Internet into situations where a laptop would be worth it, but rather by, say, good deals. It's hard to say now.

An earlier version of this essay, Richard and David Whitehouse, Mohammed, Charlemagne and the fucking fleas.

Yes, strictly speaking, you're using a degenerate case of Bayes' Rule. Some blue counties are false positives out of school. The two 10 minuteses have 3 weeks between them. The threshold for participating goes down to you; who knows who you might see something like the United States, have been the first to state this explicitly.

But when you have 8 months of runway or less constant during the entire cross-country Internet bandwidth wasn't enough for one user. This is a shock at first, and made more margin loans. Or more precisely, while simultaneously implying that lies believed for a seed investment of 650k. To use this route instead.

Correction: Earlier versions used a recent Business Week, 31 Jan 2005.

Unfortunately the constraint probably has to be driven by money.