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Safest with You (Ch. 21 - The Way to Get Over Someone, Part 2)

11.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Despite Din's attempts to be evasive, you learn the truth about your break-up, and make some decisions about what you are and are not willing to accept going forward.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Angst, pining, longing. Nicknames as usual (pretty bird, baby). Some smuttiness but won't spoil.

A/N: Well, we're here: the penultimate chapter (if you don't count the epilogue) - sorry for the word count! 😱 Thank you to everyone who's read up to here - I can't tell you how much it means to me! I know some of you have some strong feelings about Din's actions/dumbdumbness and that's okay!! If you feel like regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be forgiven/can't be redeemed, I invite you to read up until the paragraph that ends with the blue heart dividers 💙💙💙. I hope that where it ends provides a satisfying conclusion for the series for you and thank you, thank you, thank you again!

All dividers by @saradika-graphics / Series Masterlist

You don’t know how you get through dinner; you must have gone on some kind of small talk auto-pilot because if Mark knew just how much your mind was preoccupied by another man while he was being nothing but genuine and engaging, he probably would have thrown a glass of wine in your face.

Outside of the restaurant, Mark gives you a shy look and asks if you want to get ice cream for second dessert. Oh man, he really is good guy.

“Oh Mark, I really cannot believe I’m turning down ice cream, but I have something to confess to you,” you look apologetic and hope he’ll let you say what you think he deserves to hear.

“Honestly, Mark – you’re a dream date. You’re smart and funny and Jen was so right, you’re a fucking catch. I can’t tell you how guilty I’ve been feeling because I don’t think I’ve been reciprocating the energy and effort that you deserve. I don’t know if Jen told you, but I got out of a relationship a while ago and I thought I was ready to date again – but being with you tonight… I realize I’m completely out of my element. I don’t have any business going out with a great guy like you – not right now anyways. I’m so sorry.”

Mark looks surprised, but his tone is understanding, “Oh! Wow. Jen did say something about that – I’m sorry about your last relationship. It sounds like it really did a number on you. If it makes you feel better – I had a great time. I didn’t in anyway feel like I was carrying the date or anything. And if tonight was you not feeling like you’re up to dating again, then I can’t quite imagine what it would be like to date you when it’s something you’re ready to put your all into. Thanks for being honest. When you feel like you’re ready to give dating another shot – think of me?”

It’s a generous and gentlemanly response; you really couldn’t ask for anything more. The two of you part ways with a light hug outside the restaurant; Mark offers to call you a cab, but you let him know you’ll be fine, and wave appreciatively as he drives away in the car the valet brings him.

Sighing a heavy sigh, you’re just thinking it might be best if you send Jen a message to let her know how the date went before Mark does when you hear a crash coming from the alleyway next to the restaurant.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you walk over to the side of the building and peek around the corner; there in the alley is the occupier of all your current thoughts, Din, kicking garbage cans in frustration. When you see him punch the brick wall of the building and shake out his fist, your legs carry you to him as if on instinct – unable to see Din hurt without the urge rising to comfort and soothe him.

Din has both of his palms up against the wall when you close in on him, leaning his weight against his hands with his eyes closed, breathing heavy.

“Din? Are you okay?” you ask softly, not wanting to startle him.

He looks up, surprised at your appearance – eyes stormy, the rich browns of his irises full of emotion, “I’m okay, pretty bird.”

Pretty bird. Your heart swells at the familiar term of endearment that you thought you’d never hear again. It’s like music to your ears.

“This doesn’t look okay,” you gently pull the hand that you saw him shake in pain away from the wall, turning it over and cradling it in your hands - gasping a little when you see his knuckles scraped and bleeding. Din watches your pretty face cloud with concern as you take a handkerchief from your purse and delicately wrap it around his wounded hand; tying it snugly against his palm before turning his hand over and bringing his knuckles to your lips, pressing a tender kiss against the makeshift bandage.

“Thank you, baby.”

You’re looking at him with such a sweet expression that Din’s heart starts to ache again; he has to remind himself that your concern isn’t really for him particularly – it’s just your kind nature, “Where’s your date? Did he go and get the car or something?”

You shrug good naturedly, “I sent him home. Would you mind putting me in a cab, Din?”

“Of course.” As Din walks with you back towards the street, his injured hand rests protectively on your lower back and the gesture causes a chill to run up your spine.

It’s not in uncomfortable silence that the two of you wait on the curb, but Din is afraid that if he doesn’t engage you in some type of conversation, you and this moment will disappear before his mind registers it as being real, “Why did you send your date home? Did he try something?” His eyes darken.

You shake your head lightly; Din’s protective nature is exactly as you remember - you’ve missed it, “No, nothing like that. He was fine, really.” You can’t deny it any longer, you’ve missed him, “He just wasn’t… you.” With this admission you look up at Din and search his eyes – does he miss you too?

“Oh, pretty bird,” Din manages to breathe out before he descends on your mouth, kissing you fully and so full of longing and desperation he’s afraid he might actually break you. Your arms fly up of their own accord and wrap around Din’s neck, pulling him closer, closer, closer; your fingers thread and tug at the loose curls at the nape of his neck and you long to run your hands through his hair again - you refrain, not wanting to mess up his hairstyle. He’s yours and you’re his again in this kiss – every brush of your lips, every step in the dance of your tongues a testament to how much you’ve missed each other.

You’re melting. Melting into Din’s strong arms and the safety of his hold, reveling in the warmth of his affections. It’s like you’ve never left, his body molds to yours, fitting so right – pressed flushed against Din, you dare anything to try and get between the two of you right now.

Parting reluctantly when you hear the slow crunch of tires coming to a stop next to you, Din kisses your forehead gently before seeing you into the backseat of the cab. When you see him open the passenger side door and speak to the driver, you recall with a surge of affection that cab ride after Katie’s birthday when you and Din reconnected after your brief separation. Once again, Din tells the driver your address and emphasizes the importance of getting you home safely, punctuating his point with an overly generous tip. Your heart swells at the memory – the déjà vu driving home how everything about your relationship had been real.

When Din comes back to see you in the backseat, your eyes are bright and full of feeling – he’s here, the sweet man who always takes care of everyone, who only every wanted to take care of you; he’s right here in front of you again. Bringing your hand up to Din’s cheek, your heart soars when he leans into your palm with a smile; the soft feel and weight of his face familiar and comforting.

“Din, I know you didn’t sleep with Vanessa,” you say simply with no room for argument – a simple fact. Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems so fucking obvious. How could you have ever believed that this man could have been capable of such a betrayal?

Simplicity and truth are all that Din can afford as well, “Of course not. How could I ever want anyone else when I had you? The perfect woman. You’re the love of my life, pretty bird. Would never cheat on you.”

The sincerity of his words brings tears to your eyes, “Then why, Din? Why would you want me to think that you had?”

You look so confused and sad; for the billionth time, Din chastises his past self for his dumb decisions, “Needed you to hate me, pretty bird. Needed you to stay away from me. It’s the only way to keep you safe.”

Though this answer is vague, your response is relayed with certainty; hands cupping Din’s face, “I’m safest with you, Din.”

The kiss that Din presses to your lips at this declaration is achingly desperate, as if he’s trying to brush away all his past mistakes and wipe clean the hurt he’s caused. He loves you. You can feel it in every stroke of his tongue over yours, and in the way his teeth nip and nibble at your lower lip.

You’ve missed his mouth, his touch, and everything Din – and judging by the way his hands cradle your face and the deep emotions swirling in the richness of brown eyes, Din’s missed you just as much. The two of you hold each other, foreheads pressed together for closeness, breathing in the other’s air as you soak in this togetherness that neither of you ever thought you’d experience again.

Finally, remembering what that last cab ride led to, you whisper, “Din, will you come over tonight?”

There’s a pause as Din’s brows furrow and his eyes squeeze shut. This moment of tenderness with you, one where you don’t hate him, has been more than he deserves. But it’s a fantasy, a mirage – the reports of escalating violence he listened to during tonight’s meeting still fresh in his mind, Din shakes his head in frustration. Based on what had been disclosed in the meeting, he can’t help but think that it’s working – everything he’s done to remove the target on your back is working; he can’t throw away your safety just so he can have this feeling again. That would be too risky. Selfish.

“Pretty bird, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand, Din,” your voice breaks at his latest rejection and the sound tears Din in two.

He lifts your chin with his fingers so that you’ll look at him though the tears that are already starting to form in your beautiful eyes, “Baby, please understand. We can’t. We can’t be together – you deserve better than this, than me. Being with me puts you in unnecessary danger. My deepest fear is that you get hurt and I can’t… I won’t let that happen.”

“You’re hurting me right now, Din,” your voice small, sad.

Din knows he is, but he has to stay strong and resolved for your sake, even if this short respite from the dull ache of his everyday existence has been a heaven beyond his imagination, “I’m sorry, pretty bird. I really am. I love you, I love you. But you deserve better.”

You say nothing but the few tears that roll down your cheeks speak volumes. With great difficulty, Din says a wordless goodbye with kisses to your hair, then both of your hands before letting them and you go. He knocks on the top of the cab to let the driver know he can leave; as the taxi drives away, he sees your hurt face looking back at him and it nearly brings him to his knees.

Pressing the heels of his palm to his eyes, Din lets out a loud growl of frustration. Taking several deep breaths before going back in to rejoin the Family meeting, he repeats to himself a mantra that he has to believe – This is the right thing. The most important thing is that she’s safe. Staying away from her keeps her safe.

---

Din’s resolve lasts exactly two days.

---

It takes you only the duration of the cab ride home to get over the sting of Din’s rejection. Yes, the emotional whiplash of having him tell you that he loves you only for him say that it doesn’t change anything between the two of you hurt, but by the time you’ve taken Al out and finished getting ready for bed, your hurt feelings have been replaced by fresh purpose and determination.

You finally have some answers. Somehow Din has convinced himself that being apart from him is for your benefit and he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness for it. The problem for you is that he’s also willing to sacrifice yours.

There’s a part of you that is livid about this, but you’re keeping this particular emotion at bay for the present moment with your newfound conviction to get to the bottom of what’s going on; you’ll get the answers you seek before you decide how you’re going to feel about it all.

You spend most of the weekend turning over the events of the last five months in your head, looking at them with a new perspective after the revelations from the past four days; mentally preparing a list of things that Din owes you explanations for and talking yourself in and out of how you’ll demand them of him.

By some twist of fate, your regular Sunday brunch has been cancelled for the first time in forever, with several of your friends unable to make it – you can’t decide if this is in your favour or not.

On one hand, you could really use their opinions and a sounding board for your rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions; on the other hand, you suspect that Din is currently not your friends’ favourite person and you could probably do without the barrage of insults that would inevitably be thrown about as a reaction to his and Vanessa’s confessions from this past week. Not that Din didn’t deserve them, but rather they wouldn’t help you work out what you need to do next.

By Sunday afternoon you’re sure of a few things:

Din loves you.

He has always loved you and he never stopped.

You love him, too.

He truly believed that being with him put you in danger.

What you didn’t know:

How could it be that he loved you so deeply but could so readily leave you? Not just initially five months ago, but again, not two days earlier?

What gave him the right to decide what was best for you?

Did he really think it acceptable to keep you in the dark about things that he clearly believed impacted your life so significantly?

The details of what prompted Din to act the way he did don’t interest you as much as why it led him to behave so unsympathetically for the past five months. The more you think about it, the harder it is for you sit still and wait out the indetermined amount of time needed before you get your answers.

On Sunday night, you make the decision to head down to Mando’s yourself after work one day this week. Feeling confident in your decided course of action, you’re as satisfied as you can be with the situation when you hear a knock on your door.

---

This is too easy.

Din mutters to himself as he walks through the parking garage beneath your apartment building undetected. It was entirely too easy for him to gain entry into the garage and avoid the security cameras on his way to the internal stairwell. He makes a mental note to talk to Paz about this gap in security as he’s taking the stairs two at a time up to your floor.

He had tried to stay away, he really had. But just as Din had always known, without the deterrent of you hating him and the surety that you would push him away, he had only his own self control to keep him from seeking you out, and that had crumbled under your loving touch outside the restaurant on Friday.

It had been too long since Din had gone without the feel of your soft lips pressed to his or basked in the warmth of your soft gaze and he had positively melted from both when he saw you after your date. Like an addict in recovery, the high from his relapse was too intense to ignore; he simply could not be kept from you any longer.

He barely recalls what happened after going back into the restaurant on Friday and finishing the Family meeting. Or how he got through Saturday at the gym, trying to slog through this month’s invoicing and attempting (unsuccessfully) to concentrate on Jimmy’s training. Don’t even ask him what he did today. All he knows is that after nightfall, his body drove his truck over to your neighbourhood and his feet carried him straight to your door.

Unsure of what type of reception he’ll receive if you open the door, Din doesn’t even know what he expects, only what he wants: you.

Your door opens with you already ready for bed, blinking at him with an unreadable expression. Din thinks he should speak first and lets Al buy him some time when he noses out, nuzzling his snoot into Din’s large hands. After giving your happy pup a few head rubs to show him how much he’s been missed, Din straightens up to look at you again; he opens his mouth to say something, though he doesn’t know what - and he never finds out because you kiss him.

You hadn’t expected to see Din before your planned confrontation, and you certainly didn’t think you’d see him at your door looking so soft and vulnerable. After he had dispensed some love to Al, the expression in Din’s eyes when he raised himself back up to his impressive height was that of a much smaller man. One who was unsure, ashamed.

To see Din like this takes all the wind out of the proverbial sails you had hoisted high over the last two days, the ones you had readied in anticipation of the fight you were bringing to his doorstep this week. And just like before, when faced with seeing Din in distress, your mind, heart and body ache to soothe and calm him - so you do what comes naturally and press your lips to his.

Din’s lips never leave yours. Not when you walk him inside your apartment and close the door, and not when he familiarly navigates the layout of your living room to sit on the couch and pull you down onto his lap. He won’t stop brushing his desperate mouth against your perfectly plush pout, the one he dreams about regularly, even as he murmurs the only two phrases he needs to know you understand:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

You match Din kiss for kiss, “I know. I know, Din” as you undress first yourself, then the man whose touch you’ve been yearning for for nearly half a year and whose weight you long to be under again. Your body cries out, remembering the feel of the corded muscles of his strong arms and the comfort of his hard chest; your hands molds to Din’s body as they roam and explore, afraid if you release him he’ll be ripped away from you again. On Din’s part, even as his mouth becomes more insistent, his touch on your body remains gentle, reverent – where you’re urgent and possessive, he is worshipful. And still, he recites:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

With Din owning your mouth, your moans of I know, I know, I know are swallowed and vibrate down into his chest - setting his heart on fire and quickening his pulse even as he kisses deeper and steals all your air.

Feeling him lick into your mouth, you whimper ‘Din, please’ and the sound of his name once again on your lips makes Din’s dick jump. He grabs you tight around the waist, holding you to him to continue fully exploring the open, moaning cavern of your mouth, conveying his devotion with each caress and massage of his tongue. How could he have ever let you go? You show Din that you don’t want him to do so ever again by meeting his every touch, every kiss, every guttural needy noise with a hungrier one of your own.

It’s been too long and your hearts and bodies have missed each other too much; Din is already hard and throbbing against where you’re wet and wanting. Everything is hurried, messy, and inelegant. You need each other and that’s all there is to it.

Overcome with your own greediness, you murmur, “Need you inside, baby.”

As Din’s entire body melts into a puddle at your words, every muscle in his broad frame relaxes and all his power and control evaporate in the face of his one and only fantasy coming to life; only snapped out of his euphoric state by the sensation of you smearing his leaking precum over his length with your soft hands - Din thinks he might come from this alone. He’s craved your touch every moment since that fateful night outside his apartment, but he holds back for the heaven he knows is to come when you line him up to your entrance and slowly sink down.

It’s really has been too long – Din’s too big and you’re too tight and there hasn’t been enough prep; it hurts. But somehow it’s welcomed - both of you needing it to hurt, wanting it to hurt, so you know it’s real.

“Nggghhhh – fuck, Din, so big,” you whine as he stretches you out - he’s bigger than you remember. He feels better than you remember.

“I know, pretty bird. But it’ll fit,” Din hums, “because you’re made for me.”

His sweet words belie the sting to your tight channel, but the joy that overflows from your heart straight to you core soon drowns out the pain; this is how it was always meant to be: you trusting your body to Din, and Din taking care of you. Slowly, slowly, your sheath yourself onto Din’s cock – fitted so close that you feel every thick vein and groove along your warm walls.

Din’s kisses are gentler now, tender and reassuring like his words, “Doing so good for me, pretty girl,” “You feel so perfect around me,” “Love this tight cunt, missed her so much.”

His praise causes your pussy to gush and your hands card through his soft curls appreciatively. Gazing into Din’s eyes lovingly, you coo back your own song, “Feels so good, daddy,” “God, I’m so full,” “Noone wrecks this pussy like you, baby.”

When you’re finally fully seated, with Din bottomed out inside you, his balls nestled perfectly under your ass, the two of you simply just rest. Countless minutes go by so you can relearn to breathe and Din thanks his lucky stars for the privilege of praying at your altar once more.

Fully blissed out and body trembling upon remembering its rightful place on Din’s cock, you whisper, “Din, please move.” And move he does.

Slowly and with the restraint of a saint, Din thrusts up to meet your tentative downward movements, dragging his cock deliciously in and out of your tight cunt, letting her suck him back in of her own volition. You wrap your arms around his neck and feel Din’s sensual kisses on your lips, down your neck, and at the hollows of your throat; the wet trail his mouth leaves behind causes an electric chill to run throughout your entire body, your hips bucking a little harder, a little more ambitious in response.

There’s no rush, the two of you have all the time in the world to enjoy your reunion, and yet there’s an urgency - a hunger to devour as much of one another as you can, both starved from your time apart. The need to make up for lost time takes over; every kiss of skin on skin is an apology and a promise, your declarations of love becoming louder and more unabashed, movements more fervent, frantic.

Din groans into your skin, “Pretty bird, not going to last. Missed you too much,” as he starts to punch up with an impressive force, driving his cock deeper into your cunt and reaching that spot that only he’s ever been able to find.

“Give it to me, daddy,” you mewl, barrelling towards to your own orgasm faster than you had expected, “Need it. Need you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” This is the first time you’ve said it back tonight, and the only time Din’s heard these sweet words in the musical lilt of your voice in last five mouths – this alone sends him on the fast track to the edge.

He snakes one hand between your bodies to find your already pulsating clit and starts to pen a long overdue love letter with his thumb. Din’s other arm pulls your body as close to his as possible, so you’re now pressed flushed against his warm chest, moving with him as one.

I’m sorry, baby. I love you, pretty bird. I love you.

I love you, Din. Missed you so much. I love you.

You come - teary eyes locked onto Din’s as he signs over his fate with an elegant signature on your clit. Your slippery nub kisses his thumb back just as hard, crying and begging for relief as you clench down from the onslaught of pleasure that only Din can give you. Din spills deep into you as your pussy chokes him, milking the euphoria of his release for all it’s worth. He’s in heaven. You’re his heaven.

Wordlessly, you and Din exchange soft smiles and besotted looks as you clean-up after; a string of never-ending tender kisses lead the two of you back to the couch where you lay down in Din’s arms, sated and pliant, soaking in the strength and sureness with which he holds you, “Din, we need to talk.”

“I know, pretty bird,” he’s ready to tell you everything, lay it all bare for you.

Propping yourself up on your elbow so you can look Din in the eye, you implore him to be honest with you, “You said you needed me to hate you. That it was the only way to keep me safe. What were you talking about?”

Din tells you about the photos that the Family received which had been received as threats and the various confrontations and incidents of harassment in the months following that confirmed them as such. He tells you how scared he’s been for you, and how guilty and sorry he is that you were ever caught up in his world in this terrifying way.

Forcing himself not to look away from your pretty face when he sees it line with fear, Din tells you that he never wanted you to feel frightened or for your life to be interrupted, “You’re safe, pretty bird, I promise. You’re well protected - the entire Fett Family is looking out for you. They love you as much as I do. The Family would never abandon you.”

“Just you then?” It wasn’t meant as a sarcastic or passive aggressive comment, but you just honestly can’t see what this had to do with why Din left you. If anything, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to stay by your side?

Regardless of your meaning, Din looks pained at your question and averts his eyes in shame.

“I understand that you were afraid for me because of the threats, but if the Family was willing to protect me, I still don’t understand why you would need me to hate you to be safe?”

“You should never have been in danger at all, baby. The reason you’re a target is because of me. Whoever issued the threats only targeted you because… because, they knew how much you mean to me. How much I love you. It wasn’t enough just to protect you from the threat, I didn’t want you to be under threat at all. That’s the only way to guarantee you would be safe.”

You stroke Din’s face with your hand, and he leans in to your comforting touch and closes his eyes.

“If you hated me, then you would no longer be a worthy target. The person they really want to hurt is me, and if we weren’t together anymore, they can’t do that through you.” Din sighs, “But I’m so sorry, pretty bird. The way I went out about it was all wrong - hurting you like I did is inexcusable and it shattered my heart to do so. You didn’t deserve to think I cheated on you.”

Your heart softens and you lean in to lay gentle, sympathetic kisses to Din’s soft lips. Finally, finally you understand. Though you don’t excuse the hurt he caused, you can understand Din’s fallacious reasoning; in an odd way, it’s a relief to see him so unchanged – his actions ever consistent with his self-sacrificing nature and his conviction to take care of those he loves, to keep them safe. The only thing is, his was not the only heart he had sacrificed.

“I thought you never loved me,” you say in a small voice, “when I thought you had cheated on me, it made me question our entire relationship.”

“Oh, fuck, baby,” Din’s shame and self-anger triple upon hearing your words. He had expected you to be angry, to hate him for the lie he had you believe, but he never considered that you would have doubted what he felt for you prior to that horrible night. Secure in the depth of his own devotion and the truth of just how in love with you he was, Din had thought what was unshakeable to him would be the same for you; but of course, now that you’ve said it, it makes complete sense and he adds this egregious transgression against you to his long list of regrets, “I’m so fucking sorry. I never thought- oh, fuck. It never crossed my mind that you might ever doubt how so completely in love with you I’ve always been. From the moment I met you it was over for me, baby – you became the single most important person in my life. I live for you, pretty bird. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel any differently.”

Din looks at you with so much sincerity and desperation, you heart is unable to do anything but believe him. You know without a shadow of a doubt that Din loves you and moreover, that everything he’s done has been in the name of that love. And though you trust in his pure intentions, they’re misguided in a way that you have to make him understand. If the two of you are to have a chance again, you need honesty and openness, and Din has to have faith in that same love when things get tough.

You’re lightly scratching Din’s facial scruff the way you know he loves, wanting to just enjoy this affectionate moment a little longer before you dive into the more serious things you need to talk about when you both hear Din’s phone start to buzz incessantly.

Din reaches his long arm off the couch and easily finds his discarded pants and pulls out his phone, frowning when he sees the multiple notifications on his lock screen.

His entire body tenses as he reads Paz’s messages.

Hutt movement three blocks away from Lil’ Lady’s.

Woves confirms the group is growing.

Mods say traffic cams show more on the way.

Din feels a stab of fear tear through his chest before the horror of what he’s done settles like a boulder in his stomach.

For the five months that Din had left you alone, there hadn’t even been a hint of suspicious activity anywhere near you. No appearance of shady characters or any incidents of malfeasance, not a single one. You had been safe.

What had changed tonight? What could have possibly happened to incite a flurry of rival gang activity so close to your home when it had never previously been an issue?

It was him. What had changed is he had been weak. He had given in to his need for you, selfishly putting you in harm’s way. Din realizes he had been right: staying away from you had been keeping you safe. He gets up suddenly, the need to rectify his mistake overwhelming.

“Din?”

Din’s hurrying putting on his clothes and doesn’t answer you. He doesn’t hear you get up from the couch after him and grab a house cardigan from the back of one of the dining room chairs to throw over yourself, watching as he carries on to leave without saying a word.

“STOP!!”

You hardly ever yell. And you never slam your hand down on your dining table so hard and loud it hurts, but you need to get Din’s attention somehow. It works - Din’s shocked out of his automated movements and turns to face you.

“What are you doing, Din?” you look distressed, confused, but most of all, frightened by what you think you already know is happening.

“This was a mistake, pretty bird.”

His words cause you to recoil; your voice comes out tight, bordering on bitter, “What was a mistake, Din? Telling me you loved me, that you lived for me? Or sleeping with me? Tell me, which mistake do you mean?”

Din rushes forward; he’s fucking up all over, he can tell, and hurting you again is the very last thing he ever wanted to do, “No, baby – none of that was a mistake. Being with you tonight has been a happiness I never thought I’d feel again. Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved it and still don’t think I do. The mistake was me somehow thinking that everything was behind us. That I wouldn’t be putting your safety at risk by coming over here.”

He can’t possibly be doing this again, you’re incredulous, “You’re doing this again? You’re going to leave? And I don’t get a say in it?”

“Pretty bird, you don’t understand.”

“Make me understand, Din.”

“There’s something happening right now, a danger that’s closer to you than should ever be allowed. And it’s because I’m here. This is proof that I’m no good for you baby.”

“Din, how can you say that? I love you.”

“And I have to keep you safe because I love you, too.”

“What you’re doing is breaking my heart, Din. This isn’t the only way - you have to trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust, pretty bird, it’s about your safety.”

“Of course it’s about trust, Din! You don’t trust me to be able to handle some of the things in your life – things that you think I’m too delicate or ‘good’ for, whatever the fuck that means. You don’t trust me so you don’t tell me anything or let me make any decisions, and that’s really fucking condescending and hurtful. You have to trust me, Din! You have to trust that you can show me parts of yourself and your world that maybe aren’t perfect or you aren’t that proud of and that I’m not going to leave! You have to trust that I love you enough!”

The silence between the two of you is punctuated only by your shallow breathing from finishing your speech and the electric tension that now hums in the air. Something in Din’s brain is awakening, yelling at him that there’s a truth in your words that he hasn’t had the courage to face – that other than your safety, he’s been worried that bringing you fully into his world and telling you everything, sharing in all the fears and dark parts, would scare you away. That he’s been afraid that you would walk away, so he did it first.

Din doesn’t know if he’s ready to face this realization or its implications out loud, not when you’re looking at him with so much disappointment and anger. Not when the phone in his pocket continues to buzz non-stop.

You’re at your wit’s end and throw out ludicrously, “So, what? We stay apart until you deem it safe again? Then what, we’re allowed to date until the next time you think it’s safer for me if you leave? And then we just repeat this pattern forever?”

Din’s exasperated too, frustrated with the unexpected turn this evening has taken – at himself. He throws his hands up in the air, “I don’t know, okay? I just know it’s not safe for you to be my girl right now. And as for later? May not then either? Maybe you just don’t wait for me.”

You freeze, the retort on the tip of your tongue that you’re supposed to be a team and that Din doesn’t get to choose for the both of you, dissipates from your shock at his last words, “Wait. What do you mean ‘don’t wait for you’?”

Din doesn’t immediately clarify so you press on, “You would be okay with that? If I moved on with someone else? Is that what you want?”

Din wants to reassure you; it’s not what he meant, of course. His heart would shatter if you were with someone else; he had only meant that he knew it was terribly unfair for you to have to wait for this situation to resolve itself, and he didn’t want to force you to be or assume that you were okay with it – but it had come out wrong. He stops himself from explaining though; realizing with a punch to the gut that he could use this to give you a clean slate, a clean break from him. You would hate him again – but it would remove the temptation to come see you in secret like tonight, endangering your safety every time he was too weak to stay away from you. So, he says nothing.

You take his silence the way he intends, as confirmation that Din doesn’t want you anymore and your tears come fast and threaten to overflow. You’re angry, confused, and hurt. Again.

The barrier you had put up earlier when you so logically decided to figure out your feelings once you figured out the truth comes crashing down and you think you’re going to drown in the tidal wave of emotions that swell and rise with being so casually tossed away again. You feel like a fool, letting Din toy with your feelings (and your body) over and over.

“Din. Is that what you want? Do you just want us to be over?” you choke out.

Din’s expression is unreadable and he won’t make eye contact with you - but when he sighs, it’s the most devasting sound you’ve ever heard in your life.

Your cheeks are wet and you feel yourself shaking. The words that are blabbering out now hardly make sense and you don’t think you even mean half of them, but you aren’t thinking straight - you just know these words will sting and make Din feel as bad as you do right now, “Why did you come tonight, Din? For an easy fuck? You knew you would find guaranteed pussy here, didn’t you? I can’t blame you, I guess. I mean, if you know you always have a desperate slut you can use, someone who’s stupid enough to buy whatever lies you tell her to get her to give it up, why not, right?”

Suddenly aware of how exposed you are, you pull your cardigan tighter over your body and shrink away from Din.

Din reaches for you - this, he cannot have. He cannot have you reducing yourself to just a worthless fuck when you’re his sun. He loves you more than anything, would hang the moon for you; you’re the most incredible and precious thing in his life, “No, no… that’s not it. Please, pretty bird, don’t…”

You pull away from his outreaching hand and say in a flat, dead tone, “I’m not your pretty bird anymore.”

Even Din can see that he’s hit your limit - hurt you beyond repair and now you’ve shut down. Shut him out. Fighting ever fibre in his body to go to you, soothe you and try to reassure you of his love, he hangs his head, “No. You’re right… you’re not.”

The two of you stand in silence, facing each other but worlds apart, for what is probably only a minute but feels like forever. Finally, Din turns to the front door to leave; pausing just after turning the handle, he whispers, “I’m sorry”, before exiting your apartment and closing the door behind him.

Once in the hallway, Din hears the lock turn immediately, followed by the most devastating sound he’s ever heard. You’re sobbing, loud enough that he can hear it through the door and he wants more than anything to kick down the door and sweep you into his arms, take it all back - comfort you with kisses and lightly chastise you for even considering for a moment that he could ever stop loving you.

But he doesn’t. It’s better this way, Din tells himself.

The sound of your sobs follows Din as he races down the stairs, towards the danger that lurks too closer for comfort. He’s more than ready to take out his distress on the bastards who had deigned to look upon you as someone to threaten, to hurt - or just some unfortunate Hutts who found themselves in the wrong neighbourhood tonight. Din doesn’t much care. Blinking back his tears and steeling his resolve with clenched fists, all Din knows is you won’t be the only person he hurts tonight – you’re just the only one who doesn’t deserve it.

Exactly one week later, you storm into brunch still angry, exhausted and hurt from your altercation with Din the Sunday before; hot tears brim along your lash line from the humiliation of having slept with Din only for him to leave you again, and your frustration at his dismissal of any attempt to talk out your issues. The only sure-fire thing you’ve decided is that there will be no more secrets - no more half truths, no more protecting people from hard and ugly realities. Sure, you would have much preferred if this was the road upon which you and Din were embarking, but in lieu of that, you decide that you can come clean with your friends. You tell them about the Fett Family and Din’s old role, and what he seems to still do for the Family. You tell your friends about Poe, Boba, Cass, the Hutts and the Pykes, and the Mandos and the Mods. You tell them about all the security incidents from earlier in the year and the threats you only just learned of and about Din’s and your place in it all. You tell them about your run-in with Vanessa and how your date with Mark went and about sleeping with Din last week. You tell them everything that’s yours to tell and even somethings that aren’t because you’re done with pretending that these secrets are worth keeping and somehow worth your happiness.

Your friends are speechless; all the food, and shockingly the drinks, are untouched as you talk and only after you indicate you’re done with your recollection of how Din left you crying in your foyer, do they descend on you to offer their kind supportive words and loving hugs. Once everyone is settled back in their seats and people’s emotions have leveled out a bit, Rory asks,

“Do you still love him?”

It’s not the question you expected from her, or from any of your friends really, and it truly deflates you as you lean back in your chair to contemplate your response. The last week saw you primarily cataloguing Din’s transgressions against your heart; it’s a long list and it had kept your mind and heart fairly preoccupied. You’re furious at him… but did his foolhardy actions change the man you believed he was? The man you had loved? You answer only what you’re sure of,

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t seem to matter to him what I think or feel. Din just does what he thinks is best.”

Your friends nod sympathetically, understanding you’re already fighting a seemingly endless battle between your head and your heart. They thoughtfully put forth their opinions in between bites of their now cold dishes:

“No matter what his reasoning is, it doesn’t give him the right to jerk you around in the name of ‘your safety’.”

“Does he have a point though? Is it dangerous to be with him? Are you scared?”

“Won’t the Family protect you? Why is he acting like he’s the only one who cares about you?”

“I don’t like that he hurt you on purpose with that Vanessa nonsense. That lie was so elaborate.”

“How many times does he think he can do this to you?”

“You deserve someone who is honest with you. Someone who will treat you like an equal partner in everything.”

“He loves you so much. It’s always been clear to us that you’re his whole world, babe.”

You agree with it all – these same thoughts have been running laps in your mind since the night Din closed your door behind him. Din’s martyr-like approach to your safety did not sit well with you, especially when it sacrificed the wellbeing of your heart without so much as a consultation of your feelings; it’s crystal clear to you now that entirely too many lies and secrets had been justified and tolerated in the last several months and even your relationship prior. Yes, you know how you feel about what Din did.

But how do you feel about him? To a certain degree, you know you still love Din, but things just aren’t that simple anymore. Given everything that’s happened, how can you feel about him? You don’t know.

6 months ATN

Waiting until there’s a break in the traffic, you cross the street quickly, heading straight for the bookstore across from your office building. Right away, you spot the display you’re looking for: the centre table for “Current Hot Reads” with Bea’s book right in the middle - you can’t help but grin widely. Picking up four copies, you busy yourself for a few minutes straightening up the display - strategically stacking and propping up copies of your friend’s book so it stands out in a pleasing manner amongst the other titles. When you stand back, satisfied, to review your work, a kind voice behind you says, “Are you the author, dear?” You turn to see an older woman in a delightfully ostentatious fur coat smiling at you.

Unable to keep the pride out of your voice, you beam, “Ha ha ha! No, one of my best friends is! I’m actually buying these as gifts to give out to our mutual girlfriends at dinner tonight!”

“Oh, that’s so lovely dear! What a good friend you are!” the lady smiles, “What is the book about?”

“It’s a modern romance, childhood best friends turned lovers. The first in her series!” you gush, ready to talk Bea up to the high heavens.

“Oh lovely! My granddaughter loves romance novels, maybe I should get it for her?”

For a moment you simply imagine what the granddaughter might think when reading the smut her sweet nana bought her and you do your best to hold in your chuckle, “Tell you what. I’m going to buy an extra copy and leave it at the cashier for you. If you decide you don’t want it or prefer to buy a copy, just tell the cashier to pass it on to the next person who’s interested.”

“Oh dear, you don’t have to do that!”

“I know! But I want to! I can’t tell you how much it delights me to support my friend. Please ask your granddaughter to help spread the word about the book and the author. I know she’ll love it, it really is just that good,” you enthuse.

The older woman squeezes your hand in thanks as you pick up a fifth copy of Bea’s book; leaving her to read the jacket summary as you head to the cashier. After giving the cashier the instructions for the last copy, you give the display another quick once over before leaving the bookstore, heading directly to dinner with a spring in your step.

---

Din sees you the moment you walk in. For some reason, maybe a sixth sense, he had looked up at the bookstore front door before it opened, and there you were. He hasn’t seen you since the night he left you crying in your apartment, the same night he sent half of the Hutt enforcements to the hospital; when he accepted this surveillance post for the day, he had half hoped he would see you. You’re just as stunning and bright as the you he keeps in his memories, if not more so.

He had also seen the display of Bea’s books when he walked in and already picked up a copy to buy in support; he figured he would give it to Lisa. Din watches you rearrange the display from behind the shelves, trying not to be a creep but unable to take his eyes off of you – wistfully, he recalls seeing you do the same thing on the day you first met; it’s no less charming now than it was then. Listening with a smile as you talk excitedly to the older lady about Bea’s book, Din’s heart swells when he hears you offer to buy her granddaughter a copy. You’re still you. Sweet, generous, unassuming, and unflinchingly kind.

God, he misses you.

He’s been trying to put you out of his mind, of course; positive that he’s eradicated not only any goodwill or affectionate feeling you may have held for him a few months ago, but also any chance he had of ever being with you again. Whereas before he kept away for your safety and his own self punishment, he does so now out of self preservation. To steel himself for his future without you.

Din does, however, allow himself one photo of you. It’s one that Paz took the night of the fight with Rotta Hutt. Taken right after he’s scooped you up ringside, the shot shows only the back of Din’s head, but your face is on full display, filled with joy and adoration. He looks at it everyday; trying not to long for you more than he already does, Din comes to regard it as motivation of sorts – this is what makes all his misery worth it, he thinks to himself. You. Happy.

And while he can’t bring himself to delete his photos of you off his phone, or even erase your old messages, Din never looks at them either. He doesn’t deserve to. Especially not the dirty texts and photos; he doesn’t have a right to see you that way anymore - as much as he misses you, Din won’t violate your privacy. But on the days when the pressure, stress and Din’s own loneliness lead him to release his frustration while in the shower, he imagines a soft hand touching him and knows it’s yours. The voice that he hears telling him how good it feels, he knows is yours. The moans that ring in his ears as he furiously fucks his fist can only be yours. And when he comes, choking out broken pants of I love you, I love you, I fucking loving you so much, those words are for you and you only.

Seven months ATN

Opening your guest room closet, you sigh to yourself.

It’s time.

You’ve been avoiding doing this, but not only is it long overdue, you’re also embarrassed at how anxious you’ve been to attempt this task. It’s been two months since Din left you crying on your knees in the front foyer of your apartment and seven since you fled his apartment after believing he had cheated on you. In that hazy first week, you had gone around the apartment grabbing anything that belonged to him and stuffed it into what ended up being an overflowing bin that you then shoved into the back of the guest room closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

But you have guests coming to stay next week, and moreover, it bothers you how rude it is to have kept these belongings that aren’t yours. It was one thing when Din had been a lying cheating bastard; but now that you know he hadn’t had any ill intent and was as much of a victim of his poor decisions as you are, it doesn’t feel right to hang on to these items. Bringing home some flat packing boxes from the work mailroom, you assemble them first, trying to prolong actually having to go through your ex’s things.

Stop being a chicken shit, you chide yourself, it’s been months. Get over it and get it over with. You pull the bin out of the closet and his smell, Din’s smell, immediately hits you when you when you start to take out the clothes. You close your eyes and let yourself breathe in the familiar scent. It’s as inviting as you remember and immediately brings his handsome visage to your mind. When you open your eyes, they’re filled with tears. Dammit.

You force yourself to work through your tears. Fighting it at first but eventually allowing yourself to recall memories associated with Din’s items, you feel and expunge all the emotions you had hidden away like you had these belongings. It’s cathartic and freeing, and once you’ve shed the tears you need, you make quick work of the task. When you’ve filled the last box, you write a short note apologizing how long it’s taken to return these items and quickly tape up the boxes so that the contents are once again out of your sight.

---

The following weekend, you and Katie take a cab with the boxes to Din’s neighbourhood. You don’t think you’re ready to see Din in person, but you think you can handle dropping off the boxes… at Peli’s. Katie helps you carry the boxes from the taxi into the drycleaner’s and you ring the little bell Peli leaves out when she’s in the back working with the machines. You see her bushy crown of curls before you do her inviting face, the smile she smiles when she sees you is brighter than the sun. You feel warmed just seeing her again.

“Well, look who it is,” Peli grins, eyes full of genuine cheer and relief, “long time no see.”

Nodding, your heart feels a tug with how much you’ve missed Peli and all the other friends you made through Din who you haven’t seen in months, “Too long, Peli!”

“Glad you can admit you missed me,” she teases, holding absolutely nothing against you, “what can I do for you? Don’t tell me those boxes are full of drycleaning?”

“Oh… no. Could I ask you for a favour?” sheepish that the very first time you see Peli after such a long absence, you’re asking something her.

Peli’s good nature isn’t phased for even a second, “Of course! Anything for you, love.”

Then as if some higher being heard your request before you had a chance to speak it, Paz walks through the front door of the drycleaners. He’s just as surprised to see you as you are him, but readily leans in to give you and Katie welcoming hugs.

“Hi Lil’ Lady. Whatcha doing here?”

You gesture to the boxes and look between Peli and Paz, “Just wanted to drop off Din’s things but… I didn’t feel up to going to Mando’s. Do you think I could trouble you to get these boxes to him?”

Peli looks shocked, and for a moment you wonder if it’s possible that she didn’t know that you and Din haven’t been together for over half a year now. Paz saves you from the potentially long and awkward explanation by nodding with some sympathy, “No problem, I’ll carry them over.”

“Thank you, Paz.”

“No problem, Lil’ Lady,” Paz gives you a smile that looks regretful, maybe even sad.

You turn to go, but suddenly feel compelled to make one last request, “Please don’t tell Din you saw me? I don’t want him thinking about me anymore.” You say this without any malice or bitterness, though you’re not convinced it comes out that way.

When going through Din’s belongings, you were initially hard hit by the waves of sadness and grief from the loss of your relationship; but after letting the ache of your heart dull, you had surprising found comfort in a barrage of happy memories:

Din’s favourite basketball team shirt you slept in. You had teased him mercilessly for how often he wore it, but showered him in compliments at how good he looked in those loud team colours every time. When you explained to him what Pima cotton was and delighted in a sports shirt feeling so luxuriously soft, you noticed that Din started leaving it for you to wear for sleep – first only at his apartment, but before long, he “allowed” the shirt to migrate to your place.

That lime green sweater he wore the first time he was invited to girl’s Sunday brunch. Bea had wanted to introduce the new guy she was dating and thought that having another boy at the table might make it less intimidating. Din had gone and immediately clocked Gideon to be an asshole, but somehow managed to convey a polite, yet protective vibe throughout the meal. When Bea broke up with that odious man a few weeks later, Din, invited back to brunch and coincidentally wearing the same sweater had been so supportive (“You deserve better than that self-absorbed blow hard”), even offering to “take care of him” for her. You had quickly refused on Bea’s behalf, knowing what “take care” might actually mean, but it had cheered her up so much nonetheless.

His cozy oversized patterned jacquard cardigan that Din wore whenever it was nippier out than usual. Large enough that it could envelope you while being worn, Din took every opportunity to do so - pressing you against his hard chest while wrapping the front around you to keep the chill away when you were out at the farmers’ market, waiting for the subway, or just standing on the sidewalk while Al finished sniffing his favourite spots.

And more – all the clothes and items you packed away had at least one memory associated with Din where he had made you feel warm, cared for, cherished.

How grateful and lucky you were that Din had loved you the way he did.

Yes, he had broken your heart, but you know that he himself didn’t get away unscathed – Din had also been destroyed by your breakup. Having long since recognized the immature and empty things said during your last fight as your own emotional lashing out, you saw with more clarity how your own hurt and pain had sliced through Din’s already battle damage armour. To be honest, you regret your words and how you left things with Din; though the way he did it was all wrong, Din had only ever loved you, cared for you and put you first in the way that he believed matter the most. And he did so without fanfare, pomp or circumstance - expecting neither accolades nor acknowledgment, or even a hint of self satisfaction.

Your heart truly goes out to Din. He so willingly carries the weight of the responsibility to take care of others, to put their well being over his own wants and desires; he sees it only as his duty and a mark of his honour to put himself last. Din never gives himself leave to be selfish, despite being the most deserving for exactly that reason; as long as others are well taken care of, you know that Din would never complain or wish for more for himself. And while your heart has done its share of mourning for yourself, it also breaks for Din – you know with certainty that he’s as devastated as you are, and yet, he also bears the guilt of having been the cause of your respective heartbreak; likely believing himself undeserving of any sympathy or comfort.

You remember what Boba had once said of Din, that he’s a caretaker through and through. He attends to the needs of those around him and always has – thinking of the betterment of others, sometimes, and possibly even often, at the expense of his own. But Din’s always done so happily - it was his duty and he performed it consistently, admirably. And you remember that you had promised Boba that you would take care of Din right back.

Refusing to add to Din’s already heavy burden when it came to your breakup, you don’t want him to think about you more than he has to when he gets his belongings back; you know he will only spiral into more self blame wondering if you’re still mad or how much you hate him. He will undoubtedly think about how you might be hurting, and then feel regret and guilt, disappointment or whatever else that eats at him.

So, you make Paz promise not to tell Din that he saw you, to say that Peli had called him over to get the boxes and you were already gone when he arrived. The fierce look in your eyes tells Paz that you won’t relent and he acquiesces – you were prepared to fight him if necessary, the urge to protect Din where you still can burning brightly within your heart.

Quiet and heartfelt goodbyes are said and longer than needed hugs are dispensed before you and Katie leave Peli’s, arms now empty. As the cab pulls away, you wave what you sadly think might be your last goodbye to two people you’ve also come to love and will miss terribly.

9 months ATN

Seeing Peli and Paz at the drycleaner’s is the last contact you have with Din’s world.

After nearly the better part of a year, it no longer feels strange that there are facets of a life you had come to embrace, that are no longer familiar - like bringing baked goods down to Mando’s, or being part of the celebratory group when a Mando’s boxer wins a title. Making a normal portion size of garlic knots is once again the norm.

Periodically, it might feel unsettling when you remember that you are or were, at least at one time, under threat, and that there are unseen eyes on you, both friendly and unfriendly. But you never see anyone or any actual evidence of this so there’s not much you can dwell on. Who’s to say the circumstances of the situation haven’t changed or if you’re even on anyone’s radar anymore? It’s likely you’ve been forgotten by now and you leave these thoughts at that.

With time, you go from thinking of Din constantly, to less frequently, and now only periodically. You don’t think you’ll ever quite forget Din. He had loved you fiercely, of that you were certain, and in turn, you had loved him back just as hard. He was undoubtedly, a great love of your life. You don’t think that type of connection is easy to find, nor would you attempt to try and do so again – the way Din had seen you so completely and how you had felt being his was not a feeling you think you’ll let go of any time soon.

But the price for that type of love was one that you hadn’t been prepared to pay – adherence to some creed or code of honour that was willing to sacrifice your heart wasn’t something you could open yourself up to again. Not even for that kind of love. But it didn’t mean you couldn’t look back on it with fondness and remember Din as a man you admired adamantly and would continue to hold up as one of the best men you’ve ever known.

He was kind. Protective. Caring and loyal.

The strength of his character and his generous nature live on in your grateful heart.

Some of your happiest memories will always be ones that you shared with Din. He had, as was his highest priority, made you feel safe and cherished; despite how it all ended, you knew his motivations and the intentions of his heart to be pure - he had only ever wanted the best for you. Din’s easy way of making you laugh, supporting you in all your endeavors and of lightening your mental and physical load, all while making you feel like the most special person in any room, were not easily forgotten. Nor his integrity, considerate nature and the gentleness of his touch. A lover and a fighter – Din was a rare combo indeed.

You think you’ll love Din until your dying day, but you can’t pine for him anymore.

Had you forgiven him? Hardly. But forgiveness wasn’t necessary.

Forgiveness implied that you needed something to change, to be acknowledged, in order to move forward, and that just simply wasn’t the case. You neither forgave him or were looking to forgive Din; you didn’t expect there to be a continuation of your story and so, as far as you were concerned, neither of you owed anything further to the other, including forgiveness. You’re at peace with where the pages of your love story have permanently fallen open; having reread those finally passages a million times, you’ve worked through your grief of having to put Din and your relationship behind you - what remains is only a nostalgic sort of affection and maybe wistfulness.

Your life has gone on without him, but it had always been full before you met Din and it remains so after him: full of friends, hobbies, Alfredo, accomplishment and pride in your work, and everything else your undoubtedly privileged life has to offer. That’s probably the best word to describe it. These days, when you do think of Din, it can be without bitterness or disappointment, because you do so only with genuine gratitude; not everyone will have the good fortune of being loved so wholly, so generously and so fearsomely, albeit it had only been for a little while. Yes, it takes no great effort to admit: it had been a privilege to be loved by Din Djarin.

It’s been a good day. Great even. All your meetings finish on time (!), and no one on your team, yourself included, had extra work assigned at the last minute – you’re all able to leave ON TIME.

Stepping out of your office building, you can’t quite believe it – you haven’t seen this side of 5:30 since… you were a junior? No, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s been a long time for sure.

You and your colleagues exchange excited hugs, marveling at your luck; a few even joke that you should all prepare to pay for this tomorrow before laughing and each going in your separate directions.

Pausing for a moment where you stand, you contemplate maybe popping into the bookstore across the street before heading home when your eyes are drawn to a hulking figure that sits on one of the courtyard benches directly facing your office. Despite his size and striking profile, the man’s presence isn’t terribly imposing, but it is a wonder that you hadn’t notice him until now.

You lock eyes with the man, not ready to believe he’s really there, when he gives you a tentative smile along with a small wave of the bouquet of peonies that he holds in his hand.

Din.

Thanks so much again to anyone who has read this far in the series with me - I love you all so much! Your kind words and encouragement really motivated me to finish this chapter a bit earlier than I had anticipated! I'm still on the cruise, so I'm just posting this when the ship's wifi is strong 🤣 so adding a few tags for those who have expressed an interest in the story (if you don't want to be tagged, please tell me!):

@tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze @nerdieforpedro

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

@rarachelchel @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @jeewrites @sunnytuliptime @kulekehe

@bebsjo @yopossum @cartonkid1200 @rav3n-pascal22

#din djarin #modern!din djarin #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin fic #din djarin x reader #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin x you #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #modern au

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penkura · 6 months ago

Text

last forever [7/13]

Summary: Zoro only offered to marry you to keep you out of an arranged marriage with a man much older than you. You agreed with the caveat of ending it via annulment once you received word from your parents regarding the original engagement, despite your growing feelings for your close friend.

Pairing: Zoro x Fem!reader, mentioned Sanami later (like epilogue later so chill)

Warnings: Marriage of Convenience, Fake Marriage, referenced sex (waaaaaay later on), mutual pining, Zoro is bad at feelings but what's new there, eventual romance I promise, mention of past attempted assault (I'll warn in that chapter), creepy older dude later on

Note: I apologize for glossing over and skipping fights and so much of this arc. Writing violence is not my forte, and I'd rather focus on the main relationship. We all know how One Piece goes anyway. I had to go back and refresh myself on some of the details, it's been a while since I read/watched Water Seven and Enies Lobby.

But also, I was SO NERVOUS writing a certain part of this, its NOT my usual style omg. But I needed to write what I did when it popped into my head. Just wait until a bit later, though omg. This stays SFW, I swear.

Taglist:

@misfits1a

[Ch. 1] ● [Ch. 2] ● [Ch. 3] ● [Ch. 4] ● [Ch. 5] ● [Ch. 6]

When you finally make it to Water Seven, after your run in with the Foxy Pirates and Admiral Aokiji, it’s nice to be somewhere you recognize. Having only been here a few times when your dad had business and he chose to bring you and Elias, it was always your favorite trip to take when your mother would let you tag along.

The only person who knows this at first, apart from Zoro, is Sanji, when you choose to go into the city with him as Zoro watches the ship; Luffy, Nami, and Usopp go to exchange the gold for actually money, and Chopper goes with Robin to find a bookstore. Sanji laughs a bit when you tell him you’ve been here a few times, give or take.

“You may have been a bit sheltered, but you were well traveled!”

Laughing in return, you tighten your arms around Sanji, laying your head on his back as your Yagara ride continues down the water street, watching all the people. It’s been so long, you forgot how lively this city was.

“Mom would always try to make me stay home with her, but I’d cry and throw a tantrum until she let me go, normally because my brother asked for me to. I was a little spoiled back then by Elias.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Sanji looks over his shoulder to give you a smile, “You were the baby, that’s expected.”

“Tch, yeah,” scoffing, you don’t look up at him, “The baby no one but my brother really wanted.”

He doesn’t say anything, instead just patting one of your hands, which makes you fist his shirt in your grip for a moment before relaxing again. Sanji knows more about your life growing up than most of your crew, only Zoro really having the nearly full story. Even then, you’ve kept somethings to yourself, not because they were painful memories, but because they were some of the few good times you remember, they were more precious to you than any other memories.

The two of you quickly find the shopping district and purchase copious amount of local foods, Sanji reeling off different ideas for dishes as he catches sight of Robin, grabbing your hand to drag you along and around a corner he swears to you he saw her go down, but she’s nowhere to be seen and neither is Chopper.

Your doctor does find you both a few moments later, apologizing on your way back to Merry for losing Robin, but you tell him not to worry, she can take care of herself, she’ll come back later.

When you get back to Merry, the update Zoro gives you feels like a knife in all your hearts.

“What do you mean Merry is unfixable?!”

“Just what I said,” Zoro doesn’t fully look at Sanji, instead making sure you’re all right with the news, though the frown and starting of tears tell him you aren’t, “A shipwright came to check and said so.”

You hate the idea of having to give up Merry, whether that’s what Luffy’s decided yet or not, you aren’t sure, even as Nami returns and the situation gets worse with Usopp having been beaten by the Franky family and the two hundred million beri being stolen from him. The money didn’t matter, what mattered was Usopp, the rest of your crew going to find him and Luffy but Nami clinging onto you to stay with her, which you do to keep your friend safe.

The rest of the day is a blur, after Usopp is brought back, his fight with Luffy over Merry, and how quickly the rest of you leave to a hotel in the city. Some would probably think it’s strange that you’re holding so tightly to Zoro the whole time, rarely letting go of his arm, but you feel like you need some stability with how things have changed so much in just a day. You all still don’t know where Robin’s gone, you plan to go with Sanji and Chopper later the next day to try and find her.

For now, Zoro doesn’t mind you holding onto and staying by him. He tries to understand, it’s likely you’re thinking back to your parents, having told him of how they’d argue regarding you mostly, Elias being your safe haven who would remove you from the situation for safety.

Part of you doesn’t want to sleep that night, but Zoro makes you, forcing you to lay down. Really you’re worried you’re going to wake up and everything’s been a dream, none of your friends will be there, but Zoro, who you fully are coming to believe can read your mind, pokes you in the forehead before sitting by your bed with his back to you.

“Just sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

Every part of you believes him, you’ve got nothing but trust in Zoro.

+!+

With everything that’s happened involving Robin, your crew, Galley-La, and the Franky family, you’re surprised you’re even still on your feet as you follow everyone into Enies Lobby. You’d barely slept the night before and have been awake since early the previous morning, ending up following Sanji to the sea train that was taking Robin from you all. You fight alongside him, Franky, and Usopp, er, Sniper King, to try and reach Robin, only to lose her again in exchange for your own lives.

After the Rocketman train catches up to you and the four of you board it, Nami throws a towel over you since you’re sopping wet from the rain, and you start to draw yourself back from everyone for a few moments. You just need a bit to catch your breath, to keep yourself from crying due to how tired and upset you are. It’s going to be another sleepless night as you listen to everyone try and plan how you’re all going to attack the government island, you want to rescue Robin as soon as possible, even for the selfish reason of being able to sleep properly. Zoro tries to keep you out of the plan discussion, making you sit down and rest as much as you can, giving you water and sending you the slightest of glares if you try to get up too soon.

“Stay there, wife,” he’s quiet while he tells you to stay where you are, trying to keep his slip up of calling you his wife from those who don’t and shouldn’t know, “Rest until we get there. We’ll get Robin back.”

A slight smirk hits your face as you look up at him. “Trust her now?”

Zoro shrugs a bit, leaning on the wall beside you. “I guess. I trust you and Luffy more. But if you don’t rest, it doesn’t matter who I trust.”

Ah, that makes sense, why he’s trying so hard to make you take a break, other than you’re being up for so long now.

You’ll be useless in the fighting if you aren’t as prepared as you can be, if you haven’t had any kind of rest and keep worrying over Robin and everyone else. Even when you get there, convince Robin to let you all rescue her, most of your body wants to give up and stop, but you keep going, keep running to save her with everyone else.

You don’t really mean to get separated from everyone when you go to find the CP9 members who have keys that could open Robin’s sea prism stone cuffs, but it happens and you’re left defending yourself.

A few Marines get a little too close for comfort, but you cut them down fairly quickly, before going the other way from where you came and laughing to yourself at the same time.

I’m starting to take after my husband after all.

+!+

You’ve all returned to Water Seven after rescuing Robin from the government, you’ve maybe given her numerous hugs since even though its only been a couple of hours, and your unfortunate burial of Merry that’d left most of you in tears but all of you heartbroken. So much had happened that you had to step away from everyone for a bit, while there were discussions of what to do next although Luffy had once again fallen asleep from overuse of his powers.

Truthfully you wish you could go to sleep, you’ve been awake for well over twenty-four hours at this point, it would be nice to curl up in a bed and sleep the next several days. Its times like this that make you really wonder if you’re meant to be a pirate, maybe you should just go home and do what your parents want.

“Hey, you okay?”

Then Zoro finds you like always, quietly speaking to keep the others from eavesdropping, though Nami tries, a hand on your shoulder, this time he seems to grip a little tighter than before. You know him well enough at this point, there’s just the slightest hint of worry on his face as he looks at you, brows furrowed just a bit. Zoro knows you just as well, you step away like this when things start to get to be too much, you just need a few moments to clear your head and breathe, and since you’ve had that, you give him a real smile.

“I’m okay.”

“Are you really?”

You nod, Zoro doing the same in return as he knows to believe you, before surprising you by gently taking you face in his hands, as if he’s making absolutely sure that you’re telling the truth.

Having lost track of you while he’d gone on to fight the CP9 members to get Robin’s key, his mind kept wandering to where you’d gotten off to, if you were safe, if you were fighting someone or multiple marines, he really hoped you weren’t against a CP9 member. You had to stay safe, no matter what, you and Robin were his biggest concerns at the time. When you randomly ran into him, Sanji, and Usopp, he was surprised by the relief he felt to see you were a little banged up but otherwise perfectly fine. He’d made you let him carry you on his back the rest of the way, until you got to the ship and were able to safely be on the ground again. He’d barely let you out of his sight since then.

Zoro doesn’t make whatever worry he had about you obvious, only looking like he’s fighting to find something to say while he holds your face and you continue to smile, tilting your head.

“Zoro?”

“Glad you’re okay.”

Giggling a bit, you nod before wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug, your exhaustion and the fears and worries you’ve had the last few hours finally coming to surface while you hug Zoro, making him do the same lightly, to keep you from embarrassing yourself in front of the others while you cry quietly, though you know they wouldn’t care or judge you.

You’re glad Robin is back, everyone is safe and alive, you all may have lost Merry but you’re coming to terms with it.

But most importantly to you, Zoro is safe, and to him, you’re safety is just as important, even if he barely voices it. The last thing he wants is for you to be harmed, in anyway by anyone.

He'll be especially damned if it’s by his hand so he comforts you the best he can, until you’re calmed down enough to rejoin your crew, staying beside him.

He doesn’t make you release his hand as you grip onto it, instead squeezing it back whenever you do so. When you lean into his arm later on, he lays his head against your own, telling you to go ahead and sleep, he’ll get you to a bed. You make him promise to stay with you that night, and he does once everyone goes to turn in, not leaving your side for even a second.

He’ll make sure you stay safe.

+!+

Zoro isn't sure how you two ended up away from the rest of the party. Too much alcohol, yes, but his tolerance is higher than a normal person's. He knows better than to wander off like this, but you took him by the wrist and walked away with a new bottle of sake in your hand, convincing him that it would be good to get away from the noise and everyone else.

You don't normally drink as much as he's seen you do today, he wonders if it's the alcohol that's causing you to giggle incessantly and steal glances at him every bit. Not like you had to steal glances, if you two had been talking you'd be looking at him.

But you'd barely said a word apart from when he asked why you were dragging him away from everyone else.

“Just want some quiet time, husband.”

Zoro never stops you from calling him husband, he's not sure why. Your marriage wasn't real, he should stop you from calling him that.

He should, but he never does.

He doesn't now, even as you lean against him and say “my husband” over and over again. It's only the moment you crawl yourself into his lap that he feels the need to stop you, despite knowing you're drunk or at the very least tipsy enough to not know what you're doing.

“Get off.”

He still doesn't push you off, he's not that heartless.

“Nooooo…” You whine and start to nuzzle your face in his neck, sighing happily after a moment. “My husband~”

“Ain't actually your husband, you know that.”

“But you're my husband still.”

“Stop it before someone sees.”

You pout, but lift your head up to look at him. Zoro can tell more so now that you're definitely drunk, you're more emotional than he thought you'd be. He always expected you to be a giggly or chatty drunk, not emotional to the point you're pouting but also looking like you might cry.

“You should...kiss me.”

“What.”

You nod, leaning closer and touching your nose to Zoro's, making him glance away from you just the slightest bit from the proximity despite the bit of pink across his cheeks that you can see. This is the closest you've let yourself get to him ever, even the nights you sneak into his bed from nightmares, you've never placed your face so close to his.

“You didn't kiss me…when we got married.”

“We're not actu–”

“I'll kiss you then.”

You close the gap for the quickest of seconds, kissing Zoro so fast it's like it didn't happen. Despite your drunk state your face burns with a blush and you apologize, you're not sure why you did that. Must've been the alcohol controlling you or something, that's your excuse. You're both quiet but neither of you moves for a moment, before you decide to get up only to have Zoro hold you in place by your shoulders. His brows are furrowed and you're not sure what's going on in his mind, before he pulls you back into a proper kiss, none of this tiny peck of the lips thing you'd just done. He kisses you fully and for more than a brief second, it's several seconds before he pulls away, leaving you both breathless and you personally shocked.

Shocked for just a moment before you take his face in your hands and kiss Zoro a third time, which he returns, surprising you when he wraps his arms around your waist and brings you closer to him (how you could even get closer when you’re already on his lap, you don’t know). You refuse to let him be the one to end this. You don't want this to end, it needs to continue, even if just for you. Even if all it does is make your feelings for him stronger, even if Zoro later tells you it was a mistake and he still held no romantic feelings for you, despite that fact he's so willingly returning such affection.

Even though, a moment later, Zoro pushes you away gently by your shoulders, neither of you able to breathe properly for a moment, catching your breath as your slowly sobering mind tries to play catch up with what the hell just happened.

You kissed Zoro, and he actually kissed you back. He didn't shove you off or yell at you or anything like that. He accepted it and reciprocated without a single word. You figured he would fight you about this, that he wouldn't accept it so easily.

Is this the progress you've been hoping for?

Once you've both caught your breath, Zoro doesn't even look at you, instead moves just enough that you get the hint and get off his lap finally. It's a few minutes of complete silence between the two of you, that has you confused. You thought things were changing, that you two were getting closer than you had been even before Luffy brought you along.

The fact he'd just kissed you back for several minutes it felt like, you thought maybe Zoro was going to confess to you, but when he still doesn't look at you, you attempt to bring him back by taking his hand, which he lets you for a moment before gently pulling his arm back to himself.

“Zoro…I…I'm sor–”

“I think…you should go to bed, [Y/N].”

“Do you,” you gulp a bit, looking away before you finish, “do you want to come with me?”

“No. That's not a good idea.”

You know this, who knows what trouble you'd bring to yourselves or the crew if you two went to your room together? Whose heart would be broken the next morning if you took things too far when you weren't fully sober? You didn't know, the thought of either of you being hurt made your heart ache and you couldn't bear the thought.

So, instead of trying to convince him things would be fine, you really just wanted to sleep with him next to you, you nod, standing up and dusting yourself off, grabbing the bottle you'd brought with you and looking at Zoro again.

“Are you–”

“Gonna stay here for a bit.”

It's all you can do to nod again, apologizing for pushing things too far before you turn and leave, doing your absolute best to keep your tears to yourself as you return to the party, giving Nami a small smile when she asks where you've been, promising her you'd just gone off to spend some time alone.

She doesn't believe you and intends to get all the information she can later, but she does give you a hug that nearly pushes you over, and says she'll beat up whoever made you sad, especially if it's Zoro, earning her a laugh before you return to your room at the hotel.

I wish he had come with me…

Truthfully you don't regret kissing Zoro, not even a bit. Despite his rejection of your feelings, the fact he so willingly kissed you back made you believe that maybe things were changing in your favor.

Perhaps it was because he was drunk, or maybe he was sober enough that he knew exactly what he was doing, especially when he denied returning to your room with you.

Either way, even with your heart aching from another rejection, it feels like you're making progress with Zoro and your relationship with him, little by little.

For his part of it all, Zoro stays in the same place you'd left him for nearly an hour, trying to calm his own racing heart after that exchange with you.

How he never thought of kissing you before, but now he didn't want to do anything but kiss you (it's the alcohol talking, he swears it is). You tasted like the sake you'd shared and whatever sweet wine Nami had convinced you to take several drinks of. A combination he never expected to be so nice, something he didn't think he'd want to taste again. The moment he thinks about it again his heart skips a beat, and Zoro puts head in his hands in an attempt to stop such feelings.

No, no, shit I gotta stop this.

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, pulling it slightly to get those thoughts out of his head. Any focus on romance, on you he wanted out of his head. There's been too much of it lately, the want to stay close to you, to pull you away from everyone else, to give in and indulge himself in you alone. He'd told you nothing was going to happen and he had meant it.

But then you had to go and kiss him. The most innocent of kisses, a quick peck on the lips but he'd gone and pulled you back for more almost instantly. Then you made it worse by returning it again and holding his face this time, he didn't know why he enjoyed that so much. This whole thing was ridiculous, there's no reason for these feelings!

The only thing he could do to get some time to think was to push you away, refuse to join you when you went to bed. Who knows what would've happened if he had gone with you? Of course, he knew your thoughts were innocent, you'd shared a bed multiple times when you turned to him after nightmares, it was highly unlikely you were expecting anything more than to just go to sleep and wake up with a hangover, Zoro by your side in case of alcohol induced nightmares.

And he had made you go to bed alone.

That realization, for some reason, causes his heart to ache and Zoro has to finally admit what he's been trying not to, over the last several months, even with the more domestic thoughts he's allowed himself to entertain at times. Something he was hoping would fade away, would disappear over time like it always did for others, the feelings he's finally realized were going to be more long term than he expected.

Damn it all…I'm falling for my wife.

+!+

Contrary to what many may think, Sanji doesn’t particularly like being privy to romance gossip, not the kind involving his crewmates especially. He thinks that such things should be kept between a couple, so when he accidentally hears you telling Nami and Robin how you and Zoro finally kissed the other night, he’s less than pleased to hear it ended with your swordsman pushing you back, not taking you back to your room, or even staying with you for the night.

How unbelievably rude of him! To steal your first kiss, and not even walk you back to your room!

That’s what Sanji would’ve done. If any woman kissed him, he’d walk her back to her room or home, at the very least, to ensure she was safe and nothing happened. Zoro not doing that, when you were inebriated, when you could’ve been hurt or worse, it angers Sanji more than anything Zoro has or hasn’t done thus far. He views you as his best friend, he hates the way you and Zoro seem to get closer to a real relationship, only for something to happen or someone to intervene and ruin your progress. He’s been cheering for you from the start, ever since you confirmed your feelings for the swordsman, only to now wonder if it’s worth it for you.

If Zoro really is what you want and makes you happy, why does it seem like all you do lately is suffer?

Sanji doesn’t fully mean to give Zoro the cold shoulder this time, or even the suspicious looks he throws at him, but Zoro noticed quickly, before anyone else, and confronts him.

“What the hell is your problem, cook?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit, you’ve been giving me worse looks than normal.”

Sanji bites down on his cigarette, finally dropping the knife he’d been holding to face Zoro with a scowl.

“I heard you and [Y/N] kissed the other night—”

“Damn it.”

“—and you didn’t bother to take her back to her room?”

“What, is that my job now?”

“As her husband it should be!”

“I’m not really her husband! Damn it, this is stupid.”

Zoro goes to leave, but Sanji stops him by grabbing his sleeve, holding on and telling him to stop.

“Look, asshole. I could care less that you two are married, real or not, or that you kissed her,” Sanji grits his teeth, finally letting go of Zoro’s sleeve, “But if you break her heart, I’ll never forgive you, mosshead.”

While Sanji turns back to continue prepping for dinner, Zoro stops for just a moment. The two have had fights before, that’s obvious to anyone with a brain, but they’ve yet to fight about you. And he wonders why it's only now, after you kissed him, that Sanji seems so hell bent on protecting you, or maybe he's always been like this, it's just more on display as you and Zoro start to get closer.

“What’s your deal with her?”

“She’s my best friend, mosshead. I just want her safe and happy, even if it’s with you.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, leaving the kitchen to find you lounging with Nami and Robin, the three of you in some conversation when you look up and see him, giving a slight smile that Zoro returns with a nod, before heading off to the crow’s nest. What Sanji last said is stuck in his head, partially wondering if you told your cook what happened that night in Water Seven or if he was good at guessing, but that’s not the biggest thing he wonders about.

Would you really be happy with me, of all people, [Y/N]?

+!+

“All right, wait, so, you honestly kissed him?”

“Nami don't make me repeat myself.”

Nami laughs while Robin smiles, both amazed you got up the courage to kiss Zoro of all people. Yeah, you were tipsy at the time, even though Zoro still believes you were fully intoxicated, but you couldn't help feeling bad about it afterwards, just for a bit.

“I didn't fully think it through. I just…I don't know, I wanted to kiss him so I did.”

“I don't think he's too upset about it then,” Robin nods a bit, taking a sip of her wine, “You said he kissed you back, if he didn't push you away right off the bat, it sounds like he was positively receptive to it.”

“Yeah,” Nami quickly agrees, giving you a grin, “Sounds like you're getting yourself a boyfriend.”

“I don't think he wants that.”

“Well, what do you want? Maybe you guys could talk it through.”

What did you want? You thought you knew, to be a world renowned swordswoman, to help Luffy become King of the Pirates.

But what did you want from Zoro? Just to be with him, to stay married to him? Do you want to maybe have a family of your own with him one day? You'd had those thoughts when your feelings first started surfacing, after your impromptu wedding at that backwater courthouse. You'd stopped entertaining thoughts for quite a while, but now, they're coming back more often.

More importantly, does Zoro want any of that with you?

“I…think… I want to be with him forever…”

Hearing Nami choke on her own drink, you give her a concerned look before she looks at you with wide eyes.

“You sound like you're in love with Zoro!”

You don't say anything for a bit, even with Nami and Robin looking at you like they're expecting you to deny such a thing. There was no way you were in love with Zoro, not at all. You two hadn't dated, your marriage was only temporary, it was meant to end as soon as you had something from your parents. You two weren't going to last forever, you weren't going to have kids together, live out your lives as a married couple. It wasn't happening.

No matter how much you may want it to. That's what Nami and Robin have come to think over time, from the things you've said to them.

“I am, Nami.”

Despite Nami's new outburst and saying she knew it with Robin laughing, you don't feel any kind of worry or fear about admitting your real feelings for Zoro. Neither of them would tell, your secret was safe as could be.

But for you, all you do is smile to yourself.

You love Zoro, more than anything. You've thought so for a while now, but finally voicing it aloud gives you a sense of peace and happiness. Whether Zoro ever returns your feelings or not, whether you two come to act as a married couple or not, you're more than happy to even stay by his side as his crewmate and friend. Even if you have to love him silently, you'd do so.

You'll hope he comes to love you back one day, but you won't force anything on him.

“I'm in love with Zoro.”

Note 2: Me writing this: now KISS.

After writing: omg they kissed

#zoro x reader #one piece x reader #reader insert #last forever #fem!reader #roronoa zoro x reader

191 notes · View notes

noxturnalnymph · 8 months ago

Text

Devotion 🖤 II. Predator or Prey? (Ch 5)

CultLeader!Joel x OFC!Reader

Series Summary: When is it enough? When is it too much? When does Devotion become Obsession?

Visit the Series Masterlist for series warnings, cult info, timeline info, and HCs on ages. Reader has a nickname and some minor physical descriptions - is an OFC from Reader POV.

*This series is 18+ MDNI. I will not be listing individual chapter warnings as I don't want to spoil the plot of each chapter. Please see the series masterlist for entire series warnings to decide if this is for you.*

⚠️PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE SERIES WARNINGS, ESPECIALLY: possessiveness, manipulation, Joel gets mean, Joel gets verbally and physically abusive.⚠️

LAYOUT OF JOEL'S HOUSE

II. Predator or Prey?

CH 5 (6.1k) Joel doesn’t see a single hair on your head for days, Tess is guarding you like a mother bear, refusing to let him even peer in your doorway. Still sick, she keeps muttering to him, leave her alone she says repeatedly. Who the fuck does she think she is to tell him what to do? This is his fucking house. And yet she keeps sending him out of it, keeping him the busiest he’s ever been in the community. He leaves at sunrise and comes back long after dark.

Then, finally, he walks into his house on Christmas Eve after having been out all day and you’re wrapped in a blanket, sleeping in the chair in front of the fireplace. He stands over you, watching you sleep until a noise from the kitchen wakes you, your startled eyes darting around and meeting his intense stare. Your eyes are wild once again looking up at him, a heady combination of fear and anger. He drinks it in.

You quickly dart your eyes back to your lap and that’s where they stay for the rest of the evening. Even when you’re sitting at the dinner table next to each other, and when he’s standing in front of you at the valley gathering to sing Christmas Carols in the large church around the town square. You won’t look up.

The next morning the household all gathers together to exchange Christmas gifts. Joel watches you open the gift he wrapped for you, after he told Tess that you would be his giftee and not the random name she had drawn for him. You pull the twine and old newspaper away from a tattered paperback copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, turning it over in your hands to inspect the ripped cover.

He waits with bated breath as you look it over and then, without even a glance in his direction, you set it down at your side. That used to be his favorite book, the one he would read to Sarah when she was very young and bored of her little children’s board books. He remembers how much she loved him doing low, rumbled voices for the Gorgons and would giggle when he described all the different creatures Arthur encountered in his travels through the galaxy.

But you don’t react, you don’t say anything, you don’t look at him. He feels his guts tightening, pulling inwards, igniting a low, burning flame of anger. He clenches his teeth and tries not to audibly growl as the day proceeds on and you ignore him as if he were invisible. As if you couldn’t feel him staring at you. As if he weren’t a hulking, burning man sitting within inches of you all day and night.

–

Two days later, the Thursday meeting is wrapping up and you’re moving as quickly as possible, to be able to walk with the rest of the group back to the house. The last farmer breaks off from you and Joel, and you can see the front porch in the near distance, quickening your steps to make it inside the house as rapidly as possible. You hear him close behind you, matching your pace and just before you reach the door handle he grabs your wrist.

He pulls you backwards into his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist and splaying his hand over your stomach, pressing his nose into the back of your head and inhaling your scent. He’s gripping you so hard you can barely struggle against him. When you gonna get over this, baby?, he growls in your ear. Baby. You’re not his baby. You tell him so as you try and wrestle your face away from his, the scraping of his stubble along your neck, the moist heat of his breath.

“Yes you are, you’re mine.”

He hates the way you thrash in his arms, the way you avoid his gaze day in and day out. He hates that you haven’t even thanked him for the Christmas gift, that you left it sitting still on the floor in the family room. He hates that you’re making such a big deal out of a stupid little blow job. What was he supposed to do? You were too sick to take care of him, so he found relief where he needed to. It’s nothing new, this is how it's always been. He deserves to be taken care of.

He lets go of you and you bolt upstairs into your room. He hears the lock click behind you.

He was so close. So fucking close. He almost had you, how did you slip through his fingers? He knows how. He made a mistake. His mistake was letting you think that you had some kind of exclusivity to him, some kind of claim on him. How could you think that after all this time? You’ve been here long enough, you should know better. You should know how this place works by now. What makes you think you get to tell him what he can and can’t do, that you get to decide what goes on in his house? This was your fault. You were wild once, you were free. But you gave in like all the rest of them, you gave up, you let him tame you. Why did you do that? Why were you so easy for him to break?

–

You’re being so fucking sensitive, acting like a kicked puppy. It’s New Year’s Eve and he’s had to stare at his Christmas gift on the floor for a week now. He can’t even walk through that room without getting pissed off. The way you’re acting like a spoiled fucking brat, flinching when he goes to touch you and sitting in silence at every meal. Yesterday at the interfaith service, he filed in with the rest of the household and watched you try and sit in the third row instead of your usual place with the other women in the second row, directly behind him. How fucking childish you are. He gets up out of his seat when he notices and grabs you by the hair, ignoring your pathetic little cries, Tess’ pleading with him to stop, and the startled gasps of those around him. He drags you to the second pew and throws you down next to Tess, where you belong. All of this nonsense because you won’t forgive him. No – not forgive – he doesn’t need fucking forgiveness. You’re just playing the victim, like you always do. God, he should have seen the writing on the wall. He should have known that you were never gonna be satisfied with what he gave you, even when he gave you so much. You only ever wanted more, all you did was take. There you are again, creeping around the edges of the room, trying to hide yourself from him. As if he can’t fucking see you, as if he can’t fucking feel your presence in the room. He’d tried to follow you when you darted off immediately after arriving tonight but Tess redirected him to the old theater that was used as a dance hall. He had people to talk to, she’d said, as if he gave a shit about what any of them had to talk about. He has his own fucking problems right now, he shouldn’t have to listen to Peter blabbering about whatever stupid issues he was having with his furnace. Or was it his roof? Who fucking knows, Joel isn’t even listening to him. He sees you dart into a shadow and he excuses himself to Peter as he’s already walking away. You need to grow the fuck up and stop playing these stupid, childish games.

Is Joel doin’ okay?

People keep asking Tess. They’re too reverent of him to be specific in their questioning, they won’t say that he seems off or cranky or downright distracted. But they can see it as well as she can. He’s grasping at you as you dodge him in the hallways at home and now he’s started doing it in public. She watches him grab your arm and push you against the wall at the New Year’s Eve party and she crosses the room as swiftly as she can without drawing unwanted attention.

She hears him snarling I’m the only one who fuckin’ knows you as she pulls him off you, leaving you to scuttle away and find another dark corner to hide in. Joel pushes against Tess’ grip on him, knocking her backwards so she almost stumbles over a row of chairs. Before she can fully lose her balance he’s grabbing her arm, hard, pulling her back upright and then snapping at her.

“Why are you so fuckin’ clumsy?”

Several people nearby whisper to each other but Tess smiles and attempts to laugh off the incident as a joke. She sees he’s starting to lose it, that the cracks are starting to show. His foul mood is permeating the very air around him, threatening to rot everything they’ve worked so hard to build. She feels like she has to do something, she just doesn’t know what.

–

The following Thursday you just barely beat him up the steps inside the house and by the time he’s rattling the door handle of your room you’ve locked yourself securely inside. He’s scaring you. You were hurt by him. So hurt. And you were mad. So fucking mad. But now? Now you’re mostly just scared. You don’t think he would touch you without your permission but he’s been getting physical with you, powerful and rough, growling nasty shit in your ear and subtly suggesting your permission is inevitable.

Two days later you return to the house with Sasha after your baths and scamper up to your room only to find the door gone, removed from its hinges completely. No more locked doors in this house without my permission, Joel announces as he stands – smiling – at the bottom of the stairs, inescapable. You try to brush past him on the way down but he pulls you close, shoving his face into your neck and biting firmly at your jaw. Your hands fumble on his shirt, clawing to push him away, telling him to get away from you.

With a huff he pushes you backwards, your back colliding with the stairway wall and rattling the framed artwork hanging there. He loosely wraps a hand around the column of your throat and holds you there.

“Get away,” he mumbles. “S’my fuckin’ house and you want me to get away?”

He stands there a moment longer and squeezes your throat with just enough force to demonstrate that he could do more if he wanted, but instead he turns to walk away. Just then the front door opens and you see Tess returning with an armful of scavenged items. Seeing an opportunity to escape out the door you tense your body to run, but you hesitate. You make the mistake of looking over at Joel before you go and he’s looking right at you. You bolt forward but before you even clear the threshold of the door his fist is in your collar, yanking you backwards onto the floor.

“You can’t fuckin run from me, girl,” he points his finger in your face where you lie. “You can’t fuckin’ escape.” He grabs the front of your shirt to lift half your body off the floor, closing the distance between his face and yours. “I’m already in there…” he taps his finger in the middle of your forehead. “You’ll never be rid of me.”

The sting of his words hurts worse than the callous way he lets your body drop back to the floor. You hate to admit he’s right. He’s already in your head, you think about him constantly even still, even after what he did. You feel him deep inside of you, digging his claws in, settling in for permanent residency. You know you’ll never be the same, that you’ll never be without him again. You’re possessed by him.

That night after dinner Joel makes an announcement. No one is allowed to leave the house without his permission and no one goes anywhere alone. Tess audibly scoffs at his announcement before she’s cowed by his sharp glare in her direction. You remain silent beside him. He saw the way you looked at that open door, he knew you were going to flee. He won’t lose you. He can’t.

You belong to him.

–

On Monday, Tess assigns you to hunt and gather with Sasha, which should keep you out of the house all day. You’re not sure how much of the crazy look in his eyes Tess actually sees, but he’s becoming more cruel and unpredictable. You know he’s just acting out because you’re not giving him what he wants, which he’s clearly used to getting. You don’t think he’d really hurt you, you don’t think the other women would allow him to hurt you, but you’re becoming more doubtful with each outburst that he has.

You’re so happy to be out of the house and away from his constant scowl and ever-watchful eye and Sasha doesn’t put up a fight when you offer to separate from her. You point out that you can cover more ground apart but that’s not the real reason you want to split up.

You like Sasha, she has a no-bullshit attitude and talks to you like she’s known you forever, making her really easy to be around. You’re able to easily ignore the fact that she’s most definitely slept with Joel because she’s smart, resourceful, and strong – things you don’t consider yourself – and she makes you feel safe when you’re with her. Sometimes you think that maybe you spent too much time with your head in the clouds fantasizing about Joel when you should have been learning from Sasha instead. You’ve learned more survival techniques in the last month than you have in the last decade, and that’s all because of her. She’s been a great teacher and she doesn’t make you feel stupid or useless – although you make yourself feel that way sometimes. Part of you wants to tag along with her but you think she might be easier to convince to let you come with her again if you stay out of her way today.

It’s cold but not snowing and you’ve bundled up with the winter gear Tess gave you from their last raid. You explore the edges of town, places you’ve never been before. You pass by some abandoned buildings but know they’ve all been picked over. You’ve rarely been out this far from the house before, and never alone. Joel and Tess would let you go fishing and set traps with Sasha but always preferred that you keep closer to home, Joel especially seemed to want you to stay in the yard if you weren’t with him.

It’s kind of exciting to explore the borders of the small mountain town on your own, fulfilling a sense of adventure while being almost perfectly safe, as all the buildings have already been cleared and are routinely patrolled. But you feel a bit of freedom out here, freedom that Joel has been taking from you bit by bit. You feel lighter, unencumbered by the weight of Joel’s expectations and his hands constantly pawing at you. At the house you feel like a bird in a cage, and walking through the snow-capped buildings today reminds you of what independence feels like.

There’s a loosely constructed barricade along the valley-facing edge of town made from broken down cars wedged together, building materials from deconstructed buildings, and logs from felled trees. Along the mountain-slope side of the town, there’s less of a structure – the rocky woods being protective enough on its own. There’s still some repurposed fencing that runs along sections of the hill, with paths walked by the patrols snaking in and out. It’s along one of these sections of fence that you find a large overgrown thicket of sumac bushes.

Conical clusters of deep, red berries still hang heavy on the branches, bowing them down to the snow-dappled earth. You remember your dad giving you lessons on the Sumac bushes that grew on the bike path near your house growing up. The fuzzy red berries are edible, but sumac with smooth, white berries are poisonous. You know these berries are okay to eat but you’re not sure how good they’ll taste, since they most likely ripened months ago.

You break off some of the better-looking bunches, putting them into the satchel slung over your shoulder. Your stomach rumbles, reminding you how you barely ate breakfast this morning. Out of the corner of your eye you watched Joel scowling at you until you lost your appetite and asked to be dismissed from the table. The berries aren’t as plump and juicy as they once were but they are tart and filling – once you’ve eaten enough of them.

You head into the center of the thick brush, shielded from the biting wind amongst the dense leaves. You find a comfortable spot to rest and pick at the bush, mindlessly eating the small, scarlet berries. You start to feel alone, to feel lonely. You think about your search for Bianca on New Year’s Eve. You’d looked in every building around the main square, but just like Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, you didn’t see her. The dance hall was your last place to look for her and all you’d found was Joel - the one person you were working your hardest to avoid.

You were reeling from what happened, from witnessing what still makes you sick. Even now you feel a knot in your stomach, biting back tears whenever you’re left with your thoughts too long. What’s worse is that the pain and suppressed jealousy is renewed every time you see Kerri. You weren’t sure what kind of comfort Biance would even offer you but maybe if you asked her about Joel, you could see the truth in her eyes. Did she know? Had she fucked him? What were you supposed to do?

How can you move on from what feels like nothing short of a betrayal?

Maybe you’re being over-dramatic, maybe you should get over it. That’s what Joel keeps telling you - just move past this – muttering it into the wood from the other side of your closed bedroom door. But it twists like a knife stuck into your insides and squeezes your heart tight like it’s going to stop beating. You’ve given him nothing but trust, and he’s lied to you — just like the rest of them. He’s just like the rest of them. The tears that run down your cheeks chill you, so you bury your face in your knees, waiting out the time you wanted alone. Is this what you wanted?

When you meet back up with Sasha to head home you proudly show her your harvest. She looks them over and tells you that they’re a bit dried out but would most likely still be tasty and has several ideas of what to use them for. She says you did a good job but you wonder if she’s just being nice, seeing as how she has two rabbits slung over her shoulder and a satchel full of rattling black walnuts as well as heaping boughs of conifer needles she says are for medicinal uses. She asks how many of them you ate and you find yourselves laughing together when she points out how stained red your fingertips and tongue are.

Sitting around the dinner table that night however, there’s no laughter. Everyone eats in near silence, only interrupted by Tess’ low voice quietly asking Sasha if the afternoon was prosperous. You’re pushing food around your plate, waiting for Joel to dismiss you from the table when he grabs your left hand roughly. Your fork clatters to the plate, piercing the quiet of the meal.

“What’s all this? Blood?” he nods towards your red-stained fingers, looking at Sasha down the table, expecting an answer from her instead.

“N– no! T– the red is from berries sh– we picked today,” she stumbles.

“Berries?” he scoffs. He makes a show of looking around the table, sweeping his free hand over the surface. “Where are they?” He finally looks at you but you don’t lift your head to meet his eyes. “You didn’t bring any to share?” He squeezes your fingers together painfully. “Ate them all yourself?” he rumbles.

“They’re downstairs,” Sasha interrupts, earning a sharp look in her direction. He doesn’t say anything but the why is obvious on his face. She continues, “They’re kinda dried out so I thought they’d be better fully dried and then we can use them–”

He raises his free hand up to silence her, still squeezing your fingers tight in his other hand’s grip.

“You don’t like the food we feed you here?” he gestures to your half-full plate of cold food. Your eyes remain cast down. “Hmm?” he squeezes tighter until you wince.

“Joel,” Tess starts.

“Shut up,” he barks, not looking at her.

“Maybe you’re full from all the dried up fuckin’ berries you ate today.”

He throws your hand down on the table and stands up next to you. He grabs your plate and lifts it over your head before throwing it forcefully against the wall behind you. The plate shatters, the food splattering against the wall and sliding down to the floor. Joel’s face is back at your ear instantly. His hot breath wafts across your face as he snarls at you.

“If that fat little belly is so full of berries you can’t even eat your dinner, why don’t you head up to bed?”

You hesitate, afraid to move.

“Now!” he screams, and slams his fist down on the table, causing plates and silverware to rattle loudly, making everyone at the table to jump.

You get up and run up the stairs to your bedroom. You lie facing away from the open doorway, this position serving as your only form of privacy. Hours later when everyone else heads to bed you hear his lingering footsteps in the hallway and hear him announce that no one is allowed to eat food outside of the house without his permission. He’s talking to everyone but you can tell he’s facing you when he says it. He lingers there for a while before you hear him retreat to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him.

–

You wake up early in a panicked sweat and think you’ll beat him to breakfast but find him already at the table silently watching, waiting. You have to get away from him today, you’re jumping at every little thing, the scrape of his knife across the plate and the movements of his feet under the table. You spend breakfast being watched again, picking at the eggs on your plate. He stares you down for a while and then huffs loudly, muttering under his breath.

“You better eat your fuckin’ breakfast or I’ll fuckin’ feed it to you myself.”

You beg Tess to let you go out foraging again, thinking Sasha will be okay with splitting up again. Tess allows it and Sasha reluctantly concedes that you can split up, strongly advising you to find somewhere quiet to lie low. She passes you some jerky, shelled walnuts, and drinking water from her pack before quickly plaiting her long, light hair. She tells you she’s going to head towards the old ski resort, but says that you have to stay close to town and out of sight. Her blue eyes are piercing as she makes you promise to meet up at the entrance of the old cemetery just before sunset so you can head back to the house together.

This plan goes off without a hitch and Sasha returns with enough foraged and scavenged items that it’s completely believable that you were both working to collect them, even though you spent the entire day wandering around the old lumber mill. There’s nothing to do there but it’s been cleared of infected so you know it’s safe. It’s also surrounded by woods and separated by a creek from the old inns and apartment buildings filled with Valley residents, so you know no one will see you there.

You repeat the pattern for the next several days and on the third morning you swipe a blanket from the couch and a book from Joel’s office after he leaves. You’ve spent the days stacking scraps of wood into makeshift furniture as if the mill was your own little rough-loft apartment, and are going to spend today reading about Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler’s terrible visit to Jurassic Park. You’ve gotten comfortable here, letting yourself relax in a way that you can’t at home.

Joel is watching you morning, noon, and night, and you don’t even have a bedroom door to stop his prying eyes. You should feel exposed here in this wide-open room, left alone all day, but you feel the opposite. At home you hear his grumbling voice, even when you can’t make out the words, you still hear it like a constant buzz in the background. But at the mill in the woods you only hear the soft sounds of the nearby creek and the gentle pat pat pat of the dripping snow being melted off the roof by the mid-day sun. You feel protected here in your clandestine daytime accommodation, you feel unshackled. The idea that you could transform a run-down abandoned thing into a comfortable and beautiful space fills you with a sense of beauty. You snuggle into your blanket and dive into the book. Eventually you close your eyes, letting your mind replay the scenes from the movie that you so distinctly remember from your childhood – the vibrations of the T-Rex’s steps, spattering rain on large, tropical leaves, the screeching of the raptors.

You wake up to complete darkness and a freezing rain misting against the half-broken windows. Shit. You’ve completely lost all track of time and have fallen asleep on your wooden cot, bundled snugly in a blanket with your book laid over your face. You’ve missed your late afternoon bath, you’ve missed your meet up with Sasha, you’ve maybe even missed your weekly meeting with Joel. You sit up in a panic as you recognize Sasha’s voice calling out for you. Shit! Then you hear a second voice, higher-pitched, calling your name out, followed by a deep rumble, almost barking your name. Fuck. You’re so fucked, the whole house is looking for you. He’s looking for you.

It’s Thursday and you should’ve been home hours ago, the sun having long since set. You should both be at your meeting right now but Joel’s heart nearly seized up when Sasha came home, late herself, without you in tow. She explained you’d gotten separated on the way back from the abandoned resort and she hadn’t been able to locate you. He sent Tess to the meeting in his place and threw on two pairs of socks and his warmest coat, envisioning having to hike a while to find where you might be hiding from him.

Sasha tells him that she last saw you by the old cemetery, so that’s where they start, Rosie throwing on a raincoat and volunteering to join in the search. The three of them quickly cover the cemetery and then work their way across some old cornfields, moving towards the community center. About forty minutes into the search he's beginning to think about doubling back when his flashlight hits a moving figure trotting across the softball fields. There you are.

“Sorry,” you shout, your voice breaking, waving your arms over your head and making your way towards them in the dark.

He waits until you get closer to unleash his rage. Once you’re within his reach he grabs the scarf tail hanging out the front of your jacket and yanks you against him. You sputter with the force and reach to your neck to loosen your scarf but he blocks your hands, grabbing the front of your jacket with both fists and lifting your feet off the ground.

His face is so close to yours you can feel the moist heat wafting over your face, and spit from his angry muttering hitting your lips. Where the fuck have you been? Weren’t you fuckin’ listenin’ to me when I said you couldn’t go out alone? What are you thinkin’? You begin to cry, a strangled wail slipping out of your mouth. You’re not fuckin’ thinkin’, are you baby? There’s not a thought in that stupid little fuckin’ head. Your body is heaving with sobs now, tears streaming down your face. He lowers you back to the ground but holds you still.

The walk back to the house is silent except for your weeping, Joel clutching you tight to him as the other women trail behind. When you get inside you’re sniffling and shivering and Joel takes you upstairs to the bathroom. Kerri, who has been boiling water for a hot bath pending your arrival, gets the other women to help her bring several buckets of hot water to fill the tub, while Joel runs cold water from the tap to make it a more comfortable temperature.

Everyone leaves you and Joel alone in the bathroom and he robotically begins to peel your cold, damp clothes off your trembling body and pile them on the floor. You’re going to be completely naked in front of him. The only other time that happened, the situation was very different. You sniffle, looking towards him, trying to read his expression but his face is stone, impassive and stiff. You stifle a sob.

You let him strip you down to your underwear before you let out a whimper, too scared to say anything or bat his hands away. Shush, he mutters, turning you away from him by the shoulders. You face the steaming water, tears still silently dripping down your face. You’re almost naked now and cold, so cold, his hands feel burning against your skin. He undoes your bra at your back and lets you pull it down your arms as he unceremoniously tugs your underwear down your legs. This is it. You’re exposed.

You jolt as he grabs your upper arm roughly and guides you to step into the tub, letting go as you sink down into the hot water. You hiss as it feels scalding against your cold, clammy skin and when you sit and turn back to face him you find the room empty. He’s gone, left the door wide open, left you by yourself. You sit in the tub in the big, cold, empty room and begin to cry again, quieter this time. You think you really fucked up. Joel’s furious with you and Sasha and Tess are probably mad too.

You silently sob, shaking with fear at what he might do to you, how he might retaliate. A knot in your stomach forms at the idea that he’d put his hands on you, that he would touch your body for pleasure when the thought of him only causes you pain. But then a sickening thought forms in the back of your mind that you’re such a pain in his ass that he probably doesn’t even want you anymore. You’re just a burden to him at this point, a helpless little baby he has to look after. Can’t be trusted to do anything useful around this house, can’t even be trusted to spend an afternoon alone without turning up wet and freezing cold.

–

You’ve been hugging your knees and letting your sorry self bawl into the bathwater until it turned tepid. Joel hasn’t returned and you haven’t heard his footsteps out in the hallway. You stand up and drain the tub, beginning to shiver once again as the cold air hits you. Without a towel to grab you tiptoe – still dripping wet – the few feet to your bedroom. Once inside you grab a blanket off your bed and wrap it around yourself, wicking away the water droplets on your skin and warming you back up. You climb into bed wrapped up like that, curling on your side with another blanket on the bed overtop you.

You’re startled out of your almost-sleep by the weight of a body sitting on the bed at your back. Fear strikes like a knife through your heart, knowing it’s him.

“Come ‘ere…” you barely hear his throaty growl.

You dare to hesitate and he springs into action, throwing the covers off you and dragging your naked body out of your blanket cocoon, throwing you – legs still flailing – over his knees. You open your mouth to cry out but a warm hand clamps over it firmly, silencing any protest you could make. Unbidden tears spill out of your eyes, running down over his fingers and falling to the floor below.

“You disobey me and you get punished,” he says matter-of-factly.

He begins with swats to the back of your thighs, your yelps completely muted by the heavy hand wrapped around your jaw. He doesn’t give you time between strikes to recover, nor does he pause to soothe your skin or offer you any comfort. You want to squirm away from the sting but you’re too scared of what he’ll do if you try to fight him.

He delivers smacks to one cheek just long enough for it to almost go numb, before switching to the other. His blows land over and over, sharp and hot, unrelenting. You continue to cry, soaking his hand at your face, fighting to remain as still as possible despite every instinct in your body screaming to do the opposite. You’re not counting but it must be at least two dozen strikes before he finally stops.

You lie still and stinging, his denim-clad thighs rough and still rain-damp against your ribs. He remains above you, hands pulled back to his side, panting but mute. Eventually he shifts you off his lap and gently tucks you back into bed, his tender touches belying the harsh discipline he just doled out. He moves to the doorway and stops, his back to you, his head lowered. His voice rumbles deeply but clearly, to be sure you can hear him.

“I don’t know what you were tryin’ to do, but I swear to god, if you ever defy me again I will make you fuckin’ regret it.”

—

Tess returns from the meeting hours later, walking in the house to what looks like the middle of an argument. Joel has Sasha up against the wall in the front hallway, one hand splayed out on her chest pushing her back flush and the other hand pointing a finger in her face. Tess can’t make out what’s being said but Joel clearly doesn’t let her entrance interrupt him.

Then – to her surprise – she watches as Sasha slaps Joel across the face. Joel takes several steps back, looking quite surprised. She sees his face go dark and pulls his own hand back, bringing it forward to reciprocate, knocking Sasha several feet over from where she was standing. But Sasha is ready for it, she takes the hit, absorbs it, and catches herself before she falls too far. She almost immediately rights herself, standing back in front of Joel, chin up, looking defiant. She raises her hand to slap him again and he stops it mid-air, grabbing her wrist firmly but not roughly.

“Alright, enough,” he rumbles.

He releases her wrist and they nod to each other, apparently at an understanding. Sasha goes upstairs as Joel walks towards the door where Tess still stands. He’s moving slowly, like he’s weighted down, but his breathing is rapid, his eyes wide, and his forehead dappled with sweat.

“Is PJ–” she starts.

“She doesn’t go out with Sasha anymore,” he interrupts. “In fact, she doesn’t go out at all. She stays here at the house. I don’t care what she does, but she does not leave.” He turns from her to walk away.

“Is PJ alright?” Tess finishes her sentence to his retreating figure.

“She will be,” he calls back, stalking towards his office.

Tess fully recognizes that the situation is becoming untenable. Joel has been growing more and more unstable, becoming increasingly physically violent with you, snapping at everyone in the house constantly, lashing out at her during their daily meetings and even worse is when he snarls his bullshit out in public, in front of Valley members. She understands that he’s not in a good headspace to talk about his feelings, but his affection for you has rapidly twisted into something much darker, something much more sinister.

You are such a distraction to him and people are definitely noticing, someone new asks her nearly every day about him. She can’t keep covering for his volatile behavior. She has to find a way to intervene.

🖤

Thank you endlessly to @papipascalispunk for helping me with this series and listening to me rant (AND RANTING WITH ME) about Cult Leader Joel (CJ). 🫂I appreciate everything you do.

TAGLIST (lmk if you wanna be added or removed) @strang3lov3 @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @covetyou @iamasaddie @sr-lrn @clawdee @theywhowriteandknowthings @beefrobeefcal @merz-8 @speckledemerald @alltheseperfectimperfections @survivingandenduring @afraidtofear @millennial-teenybopper @missladym1981 @xdaddysprincessxx @lumoverheaven @ghoulettesinspace @brittmb115 @wintersquirrel @obscurexsorrows @littlevenicebitch69 @lulawantmula @pedroswife69 @joeldjarin @heimtathurss @untamedheart81 @pixielou5 @feel1n-h1gh

#devotion series #cult leader joel miller #noxturnalpascal #ofc!reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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arminzblackbimbo · 7 months ago

Text

lookin 4

blackhousewife!reader x reiner braun

tw: mdni, housewife reader, back shots, reiner is obsessed with you, butt play, he likes just licking you, spit, slight dry humping, smell kink, oral (fem r.), praise, ass eating, reader calls him "rei' ", squirting, and sex with clothes on.

you always await for him to get home, stomach sinking with anxiety as you do.

you try and always look good for reiner. hair done up with you, pretty lashes and blush. lip liner and lip gloss with your dresses, skirts, and bows. skin always moisturized and oiled up for him

always having his dinner ready for him. plates always big because of his burly body. he has to stay fed. placing his plate wrapped in foil ready for him as soon as he gets home

your legs shaking as you hear the front door open. you perched on the bed waiting for him. you can hear his heavy feet make their way toward the bedroom. he still makes you nervous, cheeks hot with a blush.

"hi baby" you greet him as soon as the bedroom door opens, looking at him. he is so handsome. your happy he is your husband so you can look at him and touch him whenever you please and he is all yours.

you always look cute for him. cute frilly dress with just as frilly socks that cover you pedicured toes. always looking so pretty for him always done up making him rock hard in his dress pants.

"hi sweetheart" your on your feet moving into his open arms that are ready to except you. "you look so pretty today" he's hugging you tight. his cologne surrounding you, as he inhale into your neck. he can't help but to kiss the flesh there too. so happy he is finally in your arms. you both are so lovesick it's almost disgusting.

"i just look pretty ?" you questioned with a small pout. you can feel him smile into your neck.

"you look beautiful, tantalizing, succulent" he kisses your neck with each description. you laugh as it feel tickles with his light beard. he goes to bite on your shoulder "i just wanna eat you" also licking the skin there.

he always know how to make you smile. "i made you dinner" he still sucking on your skin "let me go heat it up" you try and escape his hold but he just pulls you in tighter.

pulling your legs around his waist. he looks you right in the eyes and he can't believe he has you as his wife. so beautiful and your all his. he moves so your noses are touching and licks the skin there.

making you giggle at his actions, the sensation kinda makes you hair on your neck stand up. "no, baby you really gotta eat you've been working all day" you try and get out of his hold to be the best wife you can be and feed your husband.

he doesn't want you away from him. he's missed you all day at work. fantasizing about you in your cute dress and pretty ribbons in your hair.

he takes the time to press you into your bed with his body weight on top of you. keeping you caged into him. the weight on top of him making you dizzy.

"i made your favorite mac and ch-" he kisses you hard. shutting you right up. you know just what to do to him. mac and cheese is his known favorite, now he has an excuse to spoil you.

"what did i do to get such a perfect wife ?" he is all smiles and showing off all his teeth. "what else did you make sweetheart ?" he knows you love telling him about the meals that you cook him.

"baked potatoes and barbecue chicken" he licks a broad strip on your face making you giggle in his hold.

"see your sweet enough to eat" he always makes you laugh with his corny jokes. you always tell him he has a head start on dad jokes when y'all have kids.

"thank you so much baby" kissing him tenderly as an acceptance for his compliment. before he meet you and sweep you off your feet and made you his housewife. he would come home to an empty house and his tv dinner in the freezer.

he so appreciative of you and everything you do for him. it's makes him grow harder in his pants. the tender kisses you make against his lips make his blood hotter.

it's what causes him to start a slow grind into you. you dress has ridden up, your panties is the only thing that protect you from his firm grinds and soft roll of his hips. your soft moans in his mouth is making start to sweat. he has to unbutton a couple buttons in his shirt because it feel like he'll suffocate.

your feverish kisses make him start to grind harder. loving the friction. he has to at least have some sort of control but he can't. he has no control when it comes to you.

"i need you so bad" he breathes against your lips. grinding deep into you. making your high pitched moans increase. your stomach is turning with the pleasure he brings you.

"i need you bad too rei' " he almost mafauctions at your soft voice saying you needed him. he loves feeling desired. it's all the confirmation he needs to give you one last mouth-watering kiss.

lips moving slowly letting his mouth really work against you. your core gripping around nothing when drags his hips again. a thumping rhythm in your panties.

hesitantly pulling away from your candy like lips. he sits up on his knees looking down at you, chest heaving and your lips swollen. all your lip gloss now gone, he doesn't mind having it on his own lips. it's taste like you.

he towers over you, so tall and he is so handsome it makes the rhythm in your panties quicken. you feel him moving your limbs to flip you over.

the puffiness of your dress covering one of his favorite features on you. the plumpness that lies underneath, he pulls the fabric up slowly just to peek at your pink panties.

he loves seeing your face while he is deep inside. loving the faces you make and how he easily he has access to your breast while your on your back.

but on a day like today when he didn't have a break from you in his mind. you constantly in his head. all of his daydreams about you. he has to have you on your stomach to almost punish you for constantly being on his conscious.

it's not even your fault, it's his. he is unnaturally obsessed with you. you consume him. and then you have the nerve to cook for him everyday, clean for him, and look good enough to make his pants tighter.

he pulls your up by your ass to put a deep arch in your back. spreading legs wide as you knees strain into the bed. "you look so pretty like this" hes patting the flesh of your butt. moving his face down to kiss each cheek of flesh.

swiping his tongue against the skin to soothe it. he pulls back and hits the pillowy flesh with a hard smack watching the movement that happens after, mesmerized.

he pulls your core right against his to front test out how good he can stroke you in a position like this. the way your body is in place is perfect. now he is ready to spoil his princess.

he slides them pretty panties down and help you adjust back against your knees. seeing you leak out for him as soon as the cloth is gone. the folds of you making him moan. a light grumble in his chest.

so much liquid just for him making you skin glisten. he pushes his thumbs deeper into back so your arch is even higher. so much air having access to you as you spread wide for riener. as he watches you twitch.

when you clench up, a glob of essence drops onto the bed. he sighs out "you drive me crazy" he pulls your hips close as he puts his face down to where you leak. pushing his nose into your slimy entrance. his nose being coated in your liquid, he doesn't care he's been dreaming of this.

his nostrils breathe in deep to capture your smell. the scent of you making his eyes roll back. inhaling again while his hands spread you so he can push in deeper. nose almost penetrating you as he smells you more.

he loves your scent. loving how you smell everywhere from your neck to this pretty pussy that he's addicted to.

his tonuge coming out to taste you. your clit is what gets his attention as his tongue licks you softly. you moan out lightly liking the feeling of his light licks. with the last inhale of you, he pulls his nose out of your juices. liking how they stick to his skin.

he swipes his fingers over his nose and collects the slick putting the fingers in his mouth as he groans at the taste. his chest rising and falling while he can't even focus. you have the audacity to smell and taste as good as you do. it's makes him shudder at the thought of having another taste of you.

pushing his tongue into your clit. sucking gently preparing to lick you from front to back. when his face is nestled in between your spread cheeks his tongue rotates on your puckered hole. making you squirm getting more tastes of you. liking how your body reacts.

he positions his tongue back to where your more slimy. putting his nose in your entrance as he goes to suck on your clit. your so wet, your juices coat his nose and bottom half of his face.

sucking hard to get the juices of you in his mouth. your toes curling into your frilly socks. "ugh reiner" you cry out. his tongue moving in circles with his suckling, you start shaking. your knees that lay in the bed becoming weak.

making you moan more with the way his tongue is working against you. he doesn't want you to realese on his face he wants you to do that on his dick. it pains him to have to pull away from your wetness you whine when he does. "reiner please" he smacks one of your cheeks that are in the air. just to quiet you up.

"i've been missing you all day, i need that pussy so bad" he starts to rush to pull his belt and dress pants down just enough so his length is free. the veins pulsing with need.

he pumps his length against you just to feel your wetness coat him in a thin layer. rubbing against you while you shift on your knees and pull the sheets. reiner puts his thumbs into your arch to make it deeper. like how your ass sticks far into air. he takes time positioning the tip of him to your well lubracated core.

slowly sliding in feeling your walls tighten at the intrusion so wet that he has not issue pushing more in at your resistance. it's like your swallowing him. but your walls choke him at the same time. he has to collect his breath as you steal it from him.

repositioning his hands firmer onto your waist. to keep his composure. having to grip you harder to not spill his seed immediately. slowly pushing in more to put all his thickness into you.

he sees your body shiver when he adds more of himself inside you. making your walls swallow him more. "your t-t-too big rei' " you whimper against the sheets while he tries to be flush with you.

it's always a struggle to take reiner all at once his thickness stretching you so much it's hard too handle. your walls having to expand so much it almost hurts. but he is determined everytime to have his pelvis connect with yours.

"ssh it's ok baby i'm just trying to make you full baby" he rubs your hips gently. "don't you like being fulled up ?" he ask you so sweetly. making you shake your head into the pink sheets. your hands shakily gripping by your head.

seeing you nodding he pushes himself in more making you lurch forward a little. "your doing so good baby, taking me so good" the thickness of him is suffocating, but the praise he spills from his lips allows you to relax in his hold.

allowing his length to penetrate you deeper. panicking when you can feel him in your stomach. the posture your in making it even more intense "mmm it's too deep, rei' it's too deep" you breath onto the sheets not being able to take it.

"it's almost all the way in, just calm down baby" he pulls just a little out of you to do one final thrust. the thrust allowing him to be flush with you all the way. making you cry out. "ahh there you go baby, your too good to me"

"your filled up baby, doesn't it feel good ?" he ask while grinding into you. tip pressing a spot deep into you that leaves you shuddering.

"y-yes feel so good baby" pulling his hips all the way back. liking how your cream coats him dripping off him when the tip of him is the only thing being gripped by your insides.

"so creamy, baby" he is so amazed. when he rolls his hips so they make contact with your soft ass again. the cream coming out of you in abundance. the squelching of your wetness making his ears ring.

pulling his pelvis back again to leave his tip in and pushing deep into you. the softness of your walls pulsing around him. slowly building his pace to a deep stroke into you . using your waist as an anchor for him to push into you. pressed against the bed as he rolls his hips to meet your pillowy cheeks.

hitting spots inside of you that have you climbing up the bed trying to get away from it. it feels too good you can't take it. "mm feels so good for me, all for me" reiner babbling above you. he loves you so much. infatuated with you.

your friends always asks how he keeps you cooped up in the house always cleaning and cooking. rarely going out, just being on hand and foot for your husband. but how could you not ? when he makes your stomach cramp with pleasure and treats you like a princess.

your drool collecting on the bed. he pushes his hands into your back harder. presssing your front against the sheets leaving a deep arch just for him to admire.

mouth open moans that bounce off the walls. as he hits your g spot with rough precision crawling up the bed trying to get away.

but the way you arched and the way his hands are in place you have no space to move. "rei' it's i-i-in my stomach" your squealing into the sheets. you can't move he has you pinned down.

"i'm sorry baby, this pussy 's too good" he's breathless as he says it. he can see your pretty legs shaking hips almost dropping in place. he picks them right back up. higher this time.

putting his hand on top of where your ass cheeks meet. holding you there, putting his thumb in between them just to hold you securely. keeping you in place for his rough strokes. the sounds leaving your mouth sounding like cries.

starting a rough pace that has you screaming. if he wasn't so needy he would take his time but he can't. he feels his stomach starting to cramp up. his release creeping on him causing his thoughts to become blurry. focusing on the feeling in his abdomen.

you can feel his thumb starting a slow rotation on your puckered hole to distract you from the rough treatment. moving just to circle the perimeter. the different sensations you're feeling starting to make you feel overwhelmed. "rei' , it's too much" you can feel the slight pressure of his thumb.

pushing not to penetrate you just to add pleasure to you. he can feel your walls pulse around him tightly. "b-b-baby im bout cum" you can feel him pick up the pace. it's brutal how his hard thrust feel hitting inside you.

whole body tensing, when his thumb speeds up with his strokes. your almost there. you can feel it in your toes. how they buzz and tense up.

the feeling spreading to your legs. your legs shaking so much that reiner hold is all the support you have. your legs too jelly-like to keep you up. he knows your body so well. knowing when your insides twitch around him so quick. he knows your close to coming undone.

your pelvis having a fire like feeling. when suddenly you lose your control on your body. things happening without your approval. the way you body is moving and squirming in a way that reiner has to grip you with both hands and piston into you to keep you still.

"ahh !" it's the only sound you can make when your juices flying out of you. landing onto the bedding under you. your known for making a big mess in between your two bodies.

"mmmh there you go" both hands squeezing you harsher. " 'm so proud of you baby" he knows sometimes you can feel a little shy about the amount of wetness you leave behind. so he encourages it, he loves how wet and creamy you are.

still pushing into you "thank you so much, thank you for this pussy, thank you for everything" all you can do is scream so overstimulated that your body knows no other function. " i'm almost there baby"

he gets real talkative when he is about to cum. the words just leaving his mouth he can't seem to even comprehend himself sometimes just nonsense leaving his mouth. " 'm-m-m, i love you ugh i lo- , t-thank you" stuttering he can't seem to get the words all the way out

his stomach tensing when he feels his tip get hot. he is still drilling into you. your pussy so tight, he knows he is close. he knows he has to give his all. pulling himself back he can see your body shake.

when pushes back in he goes deeply and rough. starting a brutal pace that leaves you speechless. shaky hand coming to push on his abdomen. "i-i'm sorry i-i-i" he is sorry for being so hard on you. for pushing into you so hard

the roughness of his thrust makes you eyes roll back into your head. seeing spots in your vision when you can feel your stomach snapping uncontrollably. so much moisture leaving you. making him slide into you much easier.

your stomach and walls tighten too much to the point reiner is red faced trying to gain his composure. but he only has so little when in this situation

when he stills his hips you can finally feel the hot spurts of cream enter you and leave your inside hot. while he groans on top of you.

"ohh, so good s-so good baby" just the bases of words leaving his mouth. you body moving on its own, the way you convulse is involuntary. and all you can do is breathe hard trying to even your breath.

reiners big hands coming to rub on your back to relax the muscles. his endurance makes it easier for him to snap back to reality. trying to calm your shaking body. small "mmhs" leaving your lips.

"you ready to go eat baby ?" he asks so sweetly and all you can do is nod into the sheets while he helps you resituate yourself

the night ends when you both sitting at the dinner table with you on reiners lap while you cut up and fed his dinner to him between a new kiss to his lips. being the best housewife, just for him.

#blackfemreader #blackfem!reader #attack on titians #reiner braun #blackhousewife!reader x reiner braun #aot reiner #aot smut fics #reiner braun smut #attack on titians smut #reiner x black reader #and he nasty cause i said so #if you talk about the two starches on the plate y'all he big asl he need two starches #took me a lil long but it's doneee #i love y'all so much plsss comment i love talking to y'all !!!!#reiner ❀#♪ lookin 4-crush #lychee drafts ۟ ꪆ୧✧ㅤㅤ ۟#arminzblackbimbo ૮꒰ྀི˵ > ﻌ < ˵꒱ྀིა

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devilat-thedoor · 4 months ago

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What Is and What Should Never Be Ch 7. pt1

A/N: to everyone who’s waited patiently while i got my shit together and found my motivation, i appreciate you and i hope you’re still with me🩵 the support i’ve received on this story means more than i could ever explain… but things are about to get a little rocky. i love you🫶🏽

Word Count: 9.1k

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, Smut(Unprotected Shower sex, Overstimulation[very briefly], Oral[m rec]), Minor Arguing/Fighting, Alcohol Consumption, Mentions of Death(loss of a parent/parents). If i missed anything, please let me know!

If there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn’t do it right.

“Hmm…stop…” You giggled sleepily at the feeling of Jake’s fingers sliding beneath your shirt to poke at your ribs. “Jake, I’m sleeping.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re sleeping, peach…” His head was on your chest, his legs tangled with your own, “Hey.”

You lifted your head and opened your eyes to find him looking up at you. “Hey.” Giving him a soft smile, you reached to push the hair from his face.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Jake grasped your side and rolled over to pull you on top of him, wrapping his arms around you tightly. “Let’s do something today.” He was studying your face as though he were memorizing every detail. Picking his head up, he pressed his lips to yours for a brief moment. “Anything you want, peach… I just wanna spend all day with you.”

After stealing another kiss from him, you sat up to straddle his waist. “Wait- You’re supposed to open today… What time is it?” When you leaned over to grab your phone from the nightstand, he squeezed his arms around you and flipped you, pinning you down with his body. “Jake!” You squealed, wrapping your legs around his waist, “You’re gonna be late…” You warned, but the way your hands held onto his back made it clear that you didn’t want him to move.

He was kissing along your jaw, smirking at the way your breath caught in your throat. “I called Charlie last night… He’s covering my shift.” He left no room for you to question as he continued spoiling your skin with warm kisses. “So what do you wanna do?”

“Hmm…probably shower first…”

“Shower?” His teeth grazed your collarbone and he chuckled at the gasp that escaped you. “Okay, we can shower… Then what?” He took it upon himself to grasp the hem of your shirt, rising from your body enough to pull the shirt over your head.

You lifted from the mattress as he did so, flopping back down with a giggle. “Umm… Then coffee and breakfast?”

“Done and done.” Jake resumed his position on top of you. “What’s after breakfast, peach?” He latched his mouth onto your breast, sucking at the supple skin.

“Then maybe we c- shit…” Your back arched as he dragged his tongue over your nipple, forcing the skin to pebble. Your mind was swirling at the feeling of his mouth and his hands on you, though you couldn’t help but acknowledge the elephant in the room. “Then… Maybe we talk about last night?”

He froze for a moment before laying his forehead on your chest, releasing a defeated sigh as he replied quietly, “There’s nothing left to talk about, Y/N.” Silence hung between the two of you until he finally lifted his face. It was evident from the look he was giving you that he didn’t want to have another conversation regarding his ex.

Cupping his cheeks, you gave him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t just mean that.” You began to slide out from beneath, pulling yourself into a sitting position, and he followed suit. You rubbed your hands over your face as he raised an eyebrow at you in question. “Jake, do you trust me?” When he began to roll his eyes, you pulled the blanket up to cover your bare chest. “Don’t do that, just-...” You had to laugh a little as he eyed you with annoyance. “Despite the way that you flirt with Olivia and constantly favor her over me, I still trust you.” Slowly, you moved towards him, letting the blanket fall away as you climbed into his lap, “Baby… I just need to know that you believe me when I say that I’m yours. I don’t want Josh- I don’t want anybody that isn’t you.” Pressing a soft kiss to his lips, you felt his body relax.

“I know- I believe you.” His hands begin to roam your body again, skimming your thighs and the length of your spine. “I’m gonna be better, peach, I swear… I’m gonna try.” He held your gaze, his brown eyes soft and vulnerable, and you began to melt into him. “Please tell me that’s enough…”

You nodded your head, twisting your fingers through his soft hair, “It is… It’s more than enough.” Your gentle reassurance brought a small smile to his face and he moved in for another kiss but you jumped up from the bed before he could connect his lips to yours. “What?” You asked when he held his hands out in confusion.

“We were in the middle of something… Come back here.” He was almost whining, though he’d deny that if you called him out on it. Jake crawled to the edge of the bed and reached for your hand, trying to pull you back into the sea of sheets to get lost with him.

Grasping his face in your free hand, you squished his cheeks, forcing his lips to pucker. You couldn’t help but giggle at his annoyed expression as you pecked him one last time before turning away from him, “Shower first, remember?...... Then coffee and breakfast.” Pulling your robe from the back of your bedroom door, you shrugged it on and tied it to cover yourself before slipping out of your room and going to the bathroom. After turning the water on, you took the chance to brush your teeth while it warmed up. As you removed the robe, ready to step into the steaming hot shower, the door opened.

Jake greeted your look of question with a grin as he stripped out of his boxers without an ounce of bashfulness. “What? I need a shower too… Thought we could conserve water.” He shrugged his shoulders and pulled the curtain back, watching the way you hungrily eyed him. “We don’t have all day, peach. We’re getting dangerously close to missing breakfast…”

Chewing on your lip, you finally slid the old, tattered boxers down your legs and moved by him to step in the tub, “I suppose that is the most important meal of the day.” Once you were beneath the stream, he stepped in behind you and closed the curtain. “Hey!” Just as you tilted your head back to wet your hair, Jake had yanked you out of the way and took your place.

“Can I have the shampoo, peach?” He reached blindly as the water cascaded down and around his face.

Your gaze traveled over his body, “Mhmm…” Squeezing a bit of the product into your own hand, you stepped closer and rubbed your palms together to create a lather. Once you were close enough that he could feel the heat coming off of your body, he peeked one eye open just in time to see you reaching up to scrub the suds into his scalp. His hands fell to your waist and he pulled you against him as a groan vibrated from his chest and rattled against your own. “You have really great hair, y’know…”

Jake leaned his head into your touch, his smile growing mischievous, “I know, baby… But you-” He paused, his hands sliding down your back and over your ass, “-have a really great ass…”

An involuntary moan escaped your mouth as he squeezed the flesh and leaned forward to kiss you. “Aht! We gotta rinse, Jake… Then condition.” Tugging on his hair, you forced his head back under the shower and worked the soap out of his strands. He remained patient through the process and allowed you to apply the conditioner and rinse it before moving out of the way so you could wash your own hair.

As you finished raking the conditioner through your locks, he pressed himself against your back and brought his hands around to cup your breasts, “You know how tortuous it is, peach… To watch the way your body moves while you do the most mundane of tasks…” His voice was a husky whisper in your ear.

“Is that why your dick is poking my asscheek right now?” You looked over your shoulder at him and reached back to grasp his hardening length, smirking at the sharp intake of breath he took.

He bucked into your hand as his mouth latched onto your neck, kissing and sucking, his tongue dragging across your wet skin, “I swear to god, if I don’t get to fuck you before we leave this apartment… I might die, peach.”

“I think you’re being dramatic.” You tightened your grip on him and began to stroke his cock, the remnants of conditioner making your hand slip over him with no resistance. “I’ll give you five minutes to make me cum…”

He pulled his mouth away from you with a scoff, “Five minutes? Why only five?”

“Because I have to rinse the conditioner out of my hair in five minutes…” You began to slow your hand to a stop, “If you don’t think you can do it then just say that, Jake.”

He released a growl and grabbed your wrist to pull your hand off of him. Within seconds, he had both of your hands and your chest pressed against the shower wall, “Keep your hands here and your smart mouth shut.” Jake grasped your hips then, pulling them back slightly while you remained still, and before you knew it, he was buried completely inside of you. “Fuuuuck… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the feeling of you.” He drew himself out of you and straight back in, setting a surprisingly slow pace. Goosebumps scattered across your skin at the feeling of his hot breath on your neck and despite the relaxed, lazy strokes he was giving, you still fought to keep your moans locked in. He was watching your face, the way you bit your lips together and squeezed your eyes shut, “How many minutes do I have left, baby? About three, would you say?” There was a hint of amusement in his words like he was mocking you.

“Yes… Three.” You replied through gritted teeth, annoyed that your orgasm was already beginning to build.

His right hand slithered from your hip to find your clit as he began to flick and tease the bud beneath his fingers, “I can feel it, peach… You’re already close, aren’t you?” A short laugh escaped him as the whimpers you’d been holding started to cascade from your lips, “What’s the matter, hmm? You didn’t think I could do it?” If there was one thing about Jake, it’s that he would never pass up the opportunity to gloat.

It was all winding too fast for you to stop it and it was mostly thanks to his skilled fingers, rolling over your clit at an eye rolling speed. “J-Jake… Please… I’m gonna- I- shit…” Your body was moving on its own, rocking back to meet his thrusts, and your legs started to wobble. “Oh god… Oh…god!” You cried out, your climax washing over you in such a hot rush that it made the water feel icy. Jake held you up as he slid his length out of you and a shiver swept over your skin.

“I think I still have a minute to spare.” He was always so arrogant, cocky. You stepped out of his hold and sank to your knees, wasting no time in sucking him into your mouth. “There you go, baby- fuck… Do you know how pretty you look with my cock in your mouth? So fucking pretty…” The water was raining down over your head, streaming down your face, and he carefully combed his fingers through your hair to move it out of your face. You swirled your tongue around the tip holding eye contact with him. “C’mon, peach. Don’t you fucking tease.”

You let him fall from your mouth, your hand picking up the slack, and gazed up at him through your lashes, “I’m not teasing, baby… I’m savoring.” You gave him one long kitten lick, accompanied by a satisfied hum.

His head rolled back as he let out a needy groan, then he suddenly had a fistful of your hair as his head snapped back up and his jaw clenched tight. “You can savor all you want later, but the water is starting to get cold and my patience is wearing thin. Open.” His demanding and dominant voice alone could’ve brought you to a second orgasm if you weren’t so focused on giving him what he deserved. Taking your hand off of him, you opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out. Jake loosened his grip on your hair as he used his free hand to guide his cock to your mouth. You kept your eyes locked on his and closed your lips around him as he pushed further. “Use your tongue, baby.” He sounded desperate, his nails scratching at you scalp as he fucked into your mouth.

You obliged, waving your tongue along the underside of his cock, putting pressure on the large vein that decorated it. When an unexpected whimper tumbled from his mouth, you pulled yourself off of him, “Jake…baby, can you let me have control for a minute?” You gave him the best doe eyes you could manage.

He eyed you silently for a moment, but when you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his shaft while maintaining eye contact, he relinquished and gave you a single nod, releasing your hair. “Don’t play games, Y/N. If you- oh fuck…” You didn’t give him time to finish his threat as you took him back into your mouth, bobbing your head and stroking him simultaneously. The grunts leaving his throat told you that he was enjoying it but you took it step further, removing your hand completely to grasp the back of his thighs and swallow him all the way down. “Jesus christ, peach. I-...” He trailed off as your throat pulsed and squeezed around his tip. The hot water had officially gone cold and you could feel Jake shiver beneath your fingertips. He was muttering under his breath, nothing of coherence, and you knew he was there, he just needed a final push. As you resumed bobbing your head again, you began to massage his balls and that was more than enough. Jake desperately grasped at the back of your head as he came. An abundance of curses and praises rained over you with the water as he emptied himself onto your tongue. “Peach…” It was a warning to tell you that he was finished but you continued to blow him, hollowing your cheeks while you innocently gazed up at him. He was trying to pull you off of him by your hair, his brows pinched tightly, “Y/N…” He was beginning to tremble, his knees getting weaker and threatening to buckle but you wouldn’t let up. He was starting to whimper and whine, an unfamiliar vulnerability creeping over him, “P-please… I can’t- you gotta st-... I can’t take it, peach.” His pleas were wearing on you and you were about to stop when he was overcome by a second climax.

You eased him through it as gently as you could, rubbing your palm up and down his thigh in a soothing manner. Jake was panting, holding onto the shower wall to keep himself upright, when you spun around to shut the water off and stand up. “Are you okay, baby?” Stepping towards him cautiously, you wrapped your arms around his midsection and placed a soft kiss to the center of his chest.

He looked down at you through heavy lidded eyes and for a second you thought he was going to be mad at you. “I’ve never felt anything like that. What the fuck did you do to me?” He was still a bit breathless as he wrapped his arms around you, and kissed your temple.

You giggled softly, looking up at him, “Would you trust me enough to let me do it again?” Yanking the curtain open, you broke away from Jake to step out and grab your towel, “Overstimulation can lead to a more heightened sense of euphoria because it borders the line between pain and pleasure…” You shrugged as you tossed a towel at him and watched him pat his skin dry before securing it around his waist all while trying to hide his smirk. “You liked it, didn’t you?”

He cut his eyes to you, seeing your own grin, “No… Kiss your little power trip goodbye, peach.” He walked by you and pulled the bathroom door open to usher you out. “I do appreciate that lesson in overstimulation, though…” As you passed through the doorway, he reeled his hand back and left a sharp smack to your ass, causing you to yelp, “It’ll come in handy later.”

💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿

Summer had breezed by in a flash and aside from the solid tan you got, the only thing that changed between the start of the season and the end, was how much your feelings for Jake had grown. Maybe it was falling asleep and waking up tangled together… Or maybe the countless dates; some spent curled up on his couch with a glass of wine and a new takeout menu while the two of you tried to agree on a new documentary to watch. Other times, you’d find yourselves at some hole-in-the-wall bar that nobody’s ever heard of, but leave it to Jake to sniff out a place with live music. Thinking back on your first day of work at Highway Tunes, you never would’ve expected to still be here, let alone sitting in the passenger seat of Jake’s car as he held your hand over the shifter, driving you to work.

“I’ll be back to get you at closing, yeah?” He pulled into his usual spot in the back lot and shifted the car into park, finally releasing your hand.

You grabbed your bag from the floor and dug through it to make sure you had everything you could possibly need for your shift, “No…” Turning to look at your boyfriend, you smiled and leaned over the console to kiss his cheek before grasping the door handle.

“What do you mean ‘no’? What-.”

Gently placing your hand on his thigh, you waited for him to stop talking. “You and Josh promised Sam that you’d go on that hike with him tomorrow so he could get pictures for his portfolio. He’s going to have you both up before sunrise and I don’t want any part of that if I’m working the double tomorrow.” You watched as he started to pout, biting back your giggles. “You’ll live, Jake. It’s one night without me… Besides, I’ve barely seen Bell at all the past few weeks and we’re gonna have a movie night.”

He grasped your hand before you could pull it away from him, “What if I don’t live, Y/N?” He was leaning in closer to you as he spoke, “What if I bury my face in your pillow and suffocate?... Or what if a bug crawls into my mouth and I choke and you’re not there to save me? Do you really want that on your conscience, peach?”

The tip of his nose poked yours and you rolled your eyes at him, “You’re ridiculous… And you’re not gonna change my mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You left him with a soft, lingering peck and pushed the car door open to step out. In true Jake fashion, he waited until you were through the back door of the store before he drove off.

“Hey! Y/N, I’m glad you’re here. I want- shit…hang on…” Josh was struggling to untangle himself from a mess of christmas lights and cords when you came out of the back hallway.

He gave up and remained seated on the floor, trying to unknot the mess around him as you approached, “Josh… Honey, what are you doing?” You dropped your bag and kneeled beside him to examine the varying array of wires, “Christmas is like, four months away.” Out of habit, you immediately began to help him, pulling the string lights apart.

Josh watched you quietly, a smile ghosting over his lips at the way your brows scrunched in concentration. “You’re always diving in to save me, sweetheart…” He whispered it so softly, it was like he didn’t want you to hear it. “We uhh… We do this end of summer event every year.”

“An event?” You lifted your head to look at him just as you pulled a knot free.

“Yeah… So we set up a big tent in the back parking lot and have a few local bands play some music. We charge fifty bucks for front door entry and that gives the customers access to the live music out back and we always have a ton of food and drinks. But it’s also an automatic entry into a giveaway we do.” He managed to get one of the light bundles free and wrapped it neatly to set aside.

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Fifty bucks? People pay that?” You couldn’t hide your shock at the cover price.

Josh chuckled as he yanked at the wires, “It seems steep, I know… See, all the money goes to a good cause and the community loves to offer support.” He twisted his body, reaching into a box behind him to grab a piece of paper and pass it to you. “This is last year’s flyer… We open around 1pm, people pay the cover and they can browse as usual if they want or they can just head straight out back for the music and food.” He was hyper-focused on a specific knot and you couldn’t take your eyes off his hands, his fingers. The way the veins protruded and flexed beneath his skin as he pulled more lights away from the tangles. “But the money is-... My eyes are up here, babe…” He had a giant, teasing grin when you cast your eyes to his face and you were sure your face was bright red, but he just laughed it off and continued, “All the money we collect from the entry fee goes to a non-profit organization. We try to donate to a different one every year but it’s almost always one that gives young kids the opportunity to learn about music or instruments, y’know?”

You finally managed to pull a strand of lights and an extension cord free at the same time, “Is this another tradition that your parents started?” After neatly wrapping the wires, you set them aside and put your attention back on the curly haired boy.

“No, actually. Jakey and I tried to convince them to do it a few times but they thought- well, with the money that would have to be put into everything to make it all happen, they didn’t think it was worth the risk.” A look of pride arose on his face with a soft smile, “We both saved a lot of our own money from working here and when mom and dad finally passed it down to us… It wasn’t even a conversation that needed to be had, we knew that we wanted to do it so we made it happen.” He dropped the knots he was working on and started to stand up, “C’mere.” He took your hand and helped you up from the floor before leading you to the office. You let your hand remain clasped with his until he released it to pull something from the shelf behind the desk. “This is from our first year.” It was a small photo album. Josh laid it on the desk and ushered you into the chair.

Taking a seat, you looked down at the leather cover and ran your fingers down the edge before flipping it open. “Oh my god… Is this you and Jake?” The very first picture in the album was the twins, standing outside of the store. They both looked so young, baby-faced, and a lot different than how you knew them. The sight of Josh without his facial hair made it so much more obvious that he and Jake were completely identical. “Your hair, Josh… You look-.” You paused, clamping your mouth shut.

“Sexy? I know… All the ladies and the gents wanted me.” He was half joking but still gave you a smug smirk.

“I was gonna say you looked like a douchebag but I suppose if you felt sexy…” You chuckled at the scoff he let out and glanced up at him, “Oh, you know I’m joking. You were very sexy, boss. The faded sides suit you, but I like your fluffy curls now better… for the record.” Dropping your eyes back to the album, you flipped the page to find more photos from that same day. Sam was in a few of them along with another boy that you’d never seen before. “Bell would get a kick out of these. Sam was just a baby, oh god. You were all so young.” You studied Jake in all of the pictures. There was something different about him that you couldn’t quite place your finger on so you moved your attention to the mystery boy. A handsome, tall, dark haired boy. “Who’s this? You guys never mentioned a fourth brother.”

Josh sat on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms over his chest, “That’s Daniel- Danny.” He was smiling down at the photos as he continued, “He’s Sammy’s best friend. We all grew up together. So yeah, I guess he is our brother. I’m surprised you haven’t met him yet, he’s been back from college all summer.” As though he was growing impatient, he reached down to turn the next page himself, “Those were from when Jake and I were fresh out of high school. Mom got excited with the camera and spent the whole day taking pictures.”

Silence fell upon the two of you as you flipped further in the album. You stopped at a picture of Jake, holding his middle finger up to flip the camera off, or maybe whoever was behind it. “Did Sam take these? They’re so good.” You’d gotten better at noticing his work with a camera. Between the way Bellamy gushed over his talent and the few times he’d been in the store or at Jake’s, showing off his photos, you’d grown to appreciate how talented he truly was.

“Yeah, actually. He kept insisting that we’d want to look back at the year our lives changed.” He put air quotes around the last part, “But we knew that he was only documenting to keep an eye on us for mom and dad… I guess I’m glad he did.” Josh slid off of the desk and crouched down beside you with excitement, placing a hand on your knee to keep himself balanced, “He made a photo album for Jake and I and a matching one for our parents- OH! Okay, these are from our first charity event!”

“Oh wow… This is so cool.” You’d never seen the store so full. There were dozens of people in the pictures, laughing, shopping, mingling. As you continued to flip, there were photos of a makeshift stage in the back parking lot, a band playing while people watched and cheered. Jake stood at a small, portable grill, flipping burgers with a genuine smile on his face. There was a girl standing close to him, watching him, her smile not quite as big as his but still present. As you continued turning the pages, her face was becoming more frequent in the photos, always close to Jake. You started to feel a sick, sinking feeling in your stomach as you scanned over her light brown hair and blue eyes. “Josh…” He looked up at you as you turned the page, his smile fading at your expression. “Who is this girl in all the p-...” Your voice faded off as your question was answered by the next page of pictures; Jake holding her hand, embracing her, kissing her.

“Shit… Umm, I should-.” Josh attempted to close the book but you flattened your palm against it to keep it open. “Y/N, I-... it’s nobody, just-.”

“It’s her. It’s Ivy, isn’t it?” You watched as he pulled the book away from you, waiting for a confirmation.

He released a sigh and closed it, standing up to place it back in its place on the shelf, “I forgot she was even in any of the pictures, that’s not why I was showing you them.” When he turned to face you again, he had a look on his face that you were beginning to grow accustomed to. “Y/N, look…just-.”

You cut him off, knowing exactly what he was about to say, “I won’t bring it up to him. It’ll stay between us…promise.” Standing up from the chair, you placed a hand on Josh’s arm to ease his stress. He held your gaze for a moment, his brown eyes nearly hypnotizing, and reached up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “Um- I should…do my job.” You pulled away from him and pointed towards the doorway before his fingers could make contact and made a swift exit.

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The shift stayed fairly busy and so did you, for the most part. You took care of the customers while Josh finished detangling the lights and cords and by 7:00, it had pretty much died off. The store was empty for the first time in hours and you finally had the chance to take a break. You finished putting away the stack of cassette tapes in your hand and went to grab your bottle of water from beneath the front counter. As you passed the office door, you stopped to do a double take, “Jake?” You pushed the door open further to see your boyfriend leaning over the desk, looking at the computer screen with his twin. “When did you-”

“Peach, come over here and give us your opinion.” He interrupted you, holding his hand out. Josh flicked his eyes to you briefly before setting them back on the screen. Jake’s impatience got the better of him, as it usually did, and he was coming across the small room to grab your hand and pull you to the opposite side of the desk. He planted you in front of him, a gentle grasp on your hip, as he pointed at the computer. “Which one do you like better?”

You looked back and forth between what you assumed were designs for this year’s flyers. There were two different options and you knew right away that each of the designs belonged to one of the twins. “No. Nuh uh. I’m not gonna be the deciding vote in this. Count me out.” You tried to break away but your boyfriend moved his hand from your hip and wrapped his arm around you, holding you against him.

Josh turned to you then, “Y/N, we’ve been arguing over this for days now. We need a tie breaker so we can get them printed.”

“Ask someone else to be the tie breaker!” You whined, trying to wiggle out of Jake’s hold.

The curly haired twin released a long, exhausted breath, “Come on, sweetheart… You’re the only one who’s opinion isn’t biased.”

“Yeah… Come on, sweetheart.” Jake mocked his brother with a smirk before resting his chin on your shoulder.

“How do you know I’m not biased?” You leaned forward, placing your palms flat on the desk to really examine both designs. They were both great and you could easily tell which belonged to who. Jake’s was set on a black background with a gold border and gold lettering. Elegant but not flashy. Josh’s was the opposite; bold and vibrant letters with a fun font. A border made up of vinyl records. “I like this one a lot.” You pointed to Jake’s first and he was ready to celebrate his triumph but you weren’t finished, “But… I think that this one is the better option.”

Your boyfriend dropped his hands from your body, “Of course you do…”

“Jake, don’t start. You wanted my opinion, I gave it… Don’t act like a child.”

“How is his better? It looks like a 1st grader made it.” He took a few steps back and leaned against the wall, “Why don’t you be honest and tell me why you really like my brother’s design better?”

Josh rolled his eyes, shaking his head a bit as he attempted to soothe the tension his twin was creating, “Jake, it’s not a big-”

“No, Josh.” You cut him off as you whipped around to address the long haired boy, “I never said that I liked his better, first of all. Let’s get that straight.” You were pointing your finger at him like a mother scolding her child as he stared at you, “Second of all, you wanted my opinion. My un-fucking-biased opinion. And that’s what you got. Both designs are great but Josh’s is more eye-catching and they’re going to be a hell of a lot cheaper to print… If you’re not worried about the money, then fuck it. Print both. I don’t give a shit. I need out of this goddamn room.” You wasted no time in leaving the office, only stopping to grab your phone from beneath the counter then walking to the back to step outside.

You propped the back door open and took a deep breath of the cool summer air, trying to force the tension out of your body. It had been lingering beneath your skin since you’d seen the photo album and you didn’t know why. Maybe it was how deep in love Jake looked in the pictures with her… Maybe that you’d never seen him look at you like that. You shook the thoughts away as best as you could, remembering that he still has a wall up around his heart and he’s really come a long way since you first met him.

“Peach.” He laughed as you jumped at his unexpected presence. “Baby, I’m sorry…”

You took a few steps away from him, “It’s fine, you just startled me.” You were staring at your phone screen, reading a text from Bellamy, when he closed the distance between you and plucked the phone from your hands.

He slid the device into his pocket, ignoring your grabbing hands and protests, “No. I’m sorry for acting like a dickhead.” He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you towards him as gently as he could, “I- You’re right. Josh’s is a better option and we’re gonna go with it… I got a little insecure when you chose him over me.”

His admission made you melt into him as you brought your arms up to wrap around the back of his neck, “I didn’t choose him over you, babe. But I understand where you’re coming from and why it may have seemed like that.” You were lost in his sweet, brown eyes as his lips began to curl, “Jake, I l-.” Realizing what was about to come out of your mouth, you bit down on your lip to stop it. It’s not that you didn’t want to say it, but you didn’t want to spook him, so you skated around those three words with something that felt safer. “You’re mine, okay? And I’m yours. Nothing else matters.”

Jake left a soft kiss on your forehead and everything was still for a moment until he pulled back to look at you, “You sure you don’t wanna come back home with me tonight?”” He made it so hard to say no when he gave you those eyes.

“Of course I want to…” You skimmed your hands down his torso with a sweet smile, “But Bellamy texted and wants to go out for a drink when I get off.” Wiggling your fingers into his pocket, you retrieved your phone to text your friend back.

“You said a movie night.” The way his tone changed told you that he didn’t like the idea of you going out. “I thought you wanted to sleep because you’re working a double tomorrow…But you’re going out to a bar?”

Rolling your eyes, you sent a text to Bell to confirm and tucked your phone away, “I told her one drink and then home. She won’t push, Jake. Trust me.”

“Then can I go for a drink with you?”

“Jacob…” You rubbed your temples, closing your eyes for a moment, “One night will not kill you. It’s just Bell and I. One drink, then home for the rest of the night.” Digging your hand back into his pocket, you pulled his keys out and dangled them in front of his face. “Babe, go home. You can catch up on that show that I hate and stretch out on the couch or in bed without me clinging to you…” You knew none of it mattered. He’d take every night with you over anything else and he’s made that obvious. “I’ll call you when I get home. I’m gonna go clean up for closing. Go.” Grabbing his hand, you dropped the keys into his palm and closed his fingers around them. You pressed your lips to his cheek before moving by him to go back inside but he caught your wrist, pulling you back.

He didn’t say anything, just stared at you with those pretty, espresso colored eyes. You could’ve gazed into them forever if he didn’t finally speak. “I’m gonna sleep like shit tonight, you know that?” he kissed your temple and released you, walking to his car.

Letting the backdoor fall shut, you went back to the front to begin your closing duties and found Josh sweeping the floor. “Hey, I was gonna do that, hun.” You went for the rag and spray bottle to clean off the front counter and display cases.

“I already wiped everything down, sweetheart.” He gave you a small smile as he brushed the pile of dirt into a dustpan. “In fact, everything is pretty much done. I doubt we’ll get much traffic through here the rest of the night, I’m probably just gonna lock up.” He placed the broom back in its spot behind the counter and glanced at the clock as he smoothed out his mustache, “You can clock out for the night and head home if you want.”

Following his eyes to the clock, you saw that it was about 7:45pm. “Oh. Umm. Yeah, okay. Let me call Bellamy.” You unlocked your phone to find your friend’s contact. You held it to your ear, thankful that you’d be able to go for a drink and get home even earlier than you’d anticipated. “Bell? Hello?” You struggled to hear her over the noise in the background on her end.

What’s up, babe?

“Bellamy, I can barely hear you. Where are you?”

What? Hang on, let me just-... Okay, is that better?

The noise faded out to almost silence, making it easier to hear her clearly. “Yeah. So, you can come get me now.” When she didn’t respond, you repeated yourself, “Bell, you can just come pick me up now. Josh is gonna close early.”

Umm… Can you get a ride to the bar? I don’t have the car, Sam drove.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Bellamy?” It was impossible to mask your annoyance. “I thought it was just going to be us? Like you have my car, how do you expect me to get there?”

We were already out getting dinner so we just came to Louie’s after we ate… Just have Jake bring you, babe.

You could feel Josh’s gaze as you released an aggravated sigh, “Jake isn’t-. You know what. It doesn’t matter. I’m just gonna get an uber home.” Choosing to ignore her protests, you hung up the phone and dropped it on the countertop. “Typical fucking Bellamy.” Burying your face into your palms, you let out a loud groan.

Josh was standing on the opposite side of the counter now, “That sounded a bit stressful… You okay?”

“Yeah. No? I don’t know…” You looked up at him and his expression made you realize how harsh your tone was. Taking a long breath, you forced yourself to relax, “She’s just up Sam’s ass, as usual. I gotta get an uber and then I will be out of your hair, boss.” You gave him a half smile and reached for your phone again.

“No. Hey.” He waited for you to look at him again, “Don’t waste money on that shit… I’ll give you a ride home. I just need to finish up a few things here, if you don’t mind waiting on me?”

You contemplated for a moment but when you finally agreed, he turned around and disappeared through the office door. When he didn’t reemerge, you followed after him. “Is there anything I can help you with at all? I don’t wanna be completely useless.”

He was crouched behind the desk, gathering something that you couldn’t see, “You? Useless?” He scoffed as he stood up straight, his lip was tucked between his teeth but he wouldn’t look at you. His eyes wandered around the small room as though he were trying to find something, “Y’know… You’re kind of the most useful person we have here.” He walked around the desk, still searching, as he continued, “In fact…” His eyes finally landed on what he’d been looking for, “I could use you right now. Come here.” He waved you towards him and pointed up to the top of the tall bookshelf. “If I lift you, could you reach that?”

You followed the path of his finger to a liquor bottle, carefully hidden behind a few knickknacks. “Yeah… I think so. I should be able to.” Turning back to Josh with a bit of apprehension, you looked him up and down, “Are you sure you can lift me?”

“Are you insinuating that I can’t?” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes and though you knew it was probably a bad idea, you still decided to challenge him.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you raised an eyebrow, “Maybe… I mean, I am the one who does all the heavy lifting when we get the orders in on fridays.” You pursed your lips with a shrug and watched his gaze narrow.

He moved quicker than you anticipated, crouching low and wrapping his arms around your thighs. You screeched as he lifted you with ease and slung you over his shoulder. “Now make yourself useful and get that tequila!”

You were both laughing wildly as you used his shoulders to steady yourself and reached for the bottle. Once your fingers were secured around the neck, he began to carefully lower you. Out of habit, your legs parted to wrap around his waist, an act you were accustomed to doing with your boyfriend. As if he’d done it a million times, Josh’s hands shifted fast, one slipping around your back to hold you against him and the other gripping your thigh just below your ass. As your laughter died down, you became hyper aware of the position you were in, “Well… I got the bottle…” You held it in front of his face and awkwardly peeled your arm from around his neck.

He swallowed hard before placing you back on your feet and clearing his throat, “There’s no ‘I’ in team, Y/N.” He snatched it from your grip and stuck his tongue out at you, effectively replacing the awkward tension with his playfulness. Turning away from you, he grabbed two styrofoam cups from the stack on top of the mini fridge and placed them on the desk to fill each one. “If you tell me you need a chaser, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at you the same, sweetheart.” He offered you one of the cups, barely a shot's worth of liquid in it.

You took it and tossed it back without hesitation, if only to prove a point, and immediately coughed as it burned its way down your esophagus. “I fucking hate tequila.” The taste lingered in your mouth and you would’ve given anything for a lime slice or two to chase the bitterness with.

Josh gulped his own shot down with a shocking amount of ease and held the bottle out to refill your cup, “Shall we have another?”

Staring at the liquor, you slowly nodded your head, “Just one more and then I’m done.” You were supposed to go out for a drink anyway so a couple shots couldn’t hurt.

“Hell yeah!” He filled your cup again, a little more than the first time, and then his own. “Bottoms up- err… Cheers? I don’t know.” He clashed his cup against yours and took his shot, shaking his body out with a grimace. “Fuck- that one hurt.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, “What’s the matter, Josh? You need a chaser?”

“Shut up and take your shot.” He tried to force a scowl as he splashed the remaining droplets from his cup at you. When you finally stopped laughing and emptied the cup, he took it from you and tossed it in the trash can. “Alright, darlin’... I gotta finalize payroll and finish up some paperwork. It shouldn’t take me too long, so just hangout, make yourself at home.”

Giving him a nod, you turned to exit the room as he took a seat at the desk. Wondering what you could do to pass the time while you waited, you gravitated towards the record player the boys kept beside the counter that played through the speakers in the storeroom. It was rare that you got the chance to choose which albums got played. Jake was particular on what he liked to play while he was working but now you had the turntable to yourself. You flipped through the small collection of vinyls they had and pulled out Abbey Road. Removing it from the sleeve carefully, you laid it on the turntable and placed the needle exactly where you wanted it. Something faded in through the speakers and you cranked the volume a bit before you began swaying through the room. The tequila was making its way into your bloodstream and creating a warm feeling that you just wanted to chase. Singing along softly, you slipped back into the office without a word to your boss and seized the bottle from the desktop. He was humming quietly, a smile plastered on his face as he watched you spin and twirl your way back out of the room.

After side one concluded, you flipped the album and let it play through as you went to dig through the used bins beneath the tables. You were sitting on the floor, sifting through a third crate between sips of liquor, when the music cut off with a slight record scratch. Just as you were about to get up to see what happened, a new song filtered through the room and you felt your heart constrict at the first chord. She Talks to Angels by The Black Crowes was a song that your dad used to play all the time when you were young. He’d pick you up and dance you around the living room while he sang and as you grew older, he’d play it in the car for both of you to sing together. Listening to it now, you couldn’t even remember the last time you’d heard the song and it made your sadness that much more prominent as the first few tears began to fall.

Josh came into view, his smile falling in an instant when he found you on the floor, slumped against the cabinets and wiping at your cheeks. “What happened? Y/N, what’s wrong?” His concern was evident as he knelt beside you and placed a comforting hand on your knee.

“I’m sorry. I-...” You tried to compose yourself as you looked down at the bottle by your feet. You wanted to throw it across the room, a sense of anger coursing through you at the mere sight of it. “Take this. Please, Josh… Please j-just get it away from me.”

He took the tequila as you pushed it towards him and placed it behind his body to get it out of your view. “Y/N, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?”

You took a few deep, calming breaths and wiped the remaining drops from your face with a sniffle. “Sorry… That song. Umm- I haven’t heard that in forever. I guess it kind of opened up some wounds.” An awkward laugh escaped you as you sat up straight, “God, that’s embarrassing. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” His voice was the softest you’d ever heard it. He reached up to catch a single, stray tear with his thumb, brushing it away from your chin, “You wanna talk about it?”

You never talked about your parents to anybody but Bellamy and even that was rare. Jake didn’t know anything about your life back in Pennsylvania and he never pushed you to talk about it. But now, looking into Josh’s eyes, you felt an overwhelming urge to divulge everything to him and you couldn’t explain why. “My dad used to play that song all the time when I was little, it was like, our song… He was my best friend, Josh. The coolest guy you’d ever know, I swear.” Josh stayed quiet as he settled in beside you, listening respectfully. You went on, sharing small details of your childhood, good and bad memories. When you started to get into the harder details of your teenage years, he took hold of your hand in a comforting and encouraging grasp. “Everytime we thought mom was getting better and slowing down on the drinking, we’d find her hidden bottles… She started getting belligerent when she would drink and it got scary. I hated her- hated being around her. I begged my dad to leave but he wasn’t that kind of man, he always had to take care of everyone.” Your voice began to break as you talked about the last time you saw him, “She was sober, I swear to god she was fucking sober when I came home for fall break. Maybe she just got too good at masking it? I don’t know… But her mask started to slip and she got sloppy fast.” You felt yourself sinking further into Josh’s side for comfort that you didn’t realize you needed, but he welcomed it, wrapping an arm around you. “The knock didn’t come until almost midnight and I knew before I even answered the door… The impact took them both instantly.” It was a lie, but your mother had been dead to you for a while so it made it easier to pretend you lost her with your dad.

“God, Y/N… I’m so sorry- I’m so fucking sorry.” He held you tight, hugging you to his chest as you started to cry again. “I can’t even begin to imagine-...”

You looked up at him, your eyes shiny and bloodshot, “Don’t- please don’t say anything to Jake… I don’t- I’m not ready to tell him yet.” You were gripping his shirt as you pleaded.

Josh nodded softly, “I won’t, promise. It’s not my place, sweetheart.” You hadn’t noticed that the record ended a good while ago, but everything remained silent. Josh’s fingertips lightly grazed up and down your arm and the sound of his light breaths put you at ease, lulling you to sleep. You weren’t sure of how long you’d been out when you heard him speaking quietly through your sleepy haze. He must’ve been on the phone but you couldn’t focus enough to know if it was real or if you were just dreaming. “...Were you sleeping?...I’m still at the store with Y/N. I think you should come get her, man…No- don’t be a dick about this, Jake… Her and Bellamy got into a fight, I just- I don’t think she should be alone tonight…Yeah… Okay… Bye.”

The silence pulled you back into a drowse until a hand was gently shaking you awake, “Peach… wake up, baby.” Your eyelids fluttered for a moment before Jake came into focus. He was looking at Josh, who was standing a foot or so away, staring down at you with the bottle of tequila in his hand. Jake turned back to you, smoothing your hair out of your face, “Let’s get you out of here.” You allowed him to help you up from the floor and lead you through the store towards the back door, only stopping to grab your phone and bag. Josh didn’t say a word as he watched you both go and you were kind of thankful for that. Your boyfriend tucked you into the passenger seat of his car and made sure you were buckled in before he got into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the parking lot. Resting your head against the window, you allowed your eyes to fall shut again. “C’mon, peach. We’re home.”

Picking your head up, you looked around to see you were in the garage at his complex. He eased you out of the car and you held onto him as he led you into the building and to his apartment. Slipping out of your shoes, you broke away from him to go straight to his room and stripped out of your work clothes.

Jake entered the room a minute later to find you in one of his t-shirts, climbing into his bed. He offered you a bottle of water and you knew he was examining your puffy, red eyes. “You wanna talk?”

Chewing on your lip, you shook your head and moved over to make room for him. He put the water on the bedside table and turned the lamp off to crawl in alongside you, instantly wrapping you in his arms and pulling you against him. You returned his embrace, feeling your body melt into him as every ounce of emotional strain began to evaporate the second he kissed the top of your head. You froze, clinging to him, as you felt more tears pricking your eyes, “Jake…” It was the first word you’d spoken to him since he’d picked you up from the store.

His body went rigid at the sound of your cracked voice, “What, baby? What’s wrong?” He held his breath, waiting for you to respond, as his anxiety grew.

“I love you…”

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petra-creat0r · 2 months ago

Text

Deltarune: Fool's Fate Ch. 2 Main Bosses

Time to start on Fool's Fate Dark World two, electric boogalo, aka the Arcade World! Let's get started with the main bosses of this chapter (plus their daughter), the stars of the arcade's most popular cabinet, Electric Rhythm Empire, Empress, Ritsu, and Emperor!!!

(Man the colors on this looked different on my canvas... Why are my colors getting messed up? Particularly Emperor's. He's supposed to be like, a yellowy green. Which I guess he kinda is here?)

The rulers of the arcade Dark World and their daughter (seriously need better names for these). At the start of the chapter after tracking down one of Chicago's friends, Neil, the party runs into Empress and Ritsu, who were tormenting Neil with rhythm puzzles. After introducing themselves, CK challenges Ritsu to a battle. Emperor isn't mentioned until later and not encountered until the end of the chapter.

Empress and Ritsu take on the Lancer/Queen/Berdly sort of role where they're encountered multiple times through out the chapter to challenge the party with puzzles, battles, funny cutscenes, etc. Though you encounter both Empress and Ritsu at the start of the chapter, after your fight with Ritsu, she throws a fit before being pacified by Remie, putting her out until the 2nd area, thus meaning you're mostly dealing with Empress in the first area.

Empress's personality pulls on Queen (I imagine them having a mom rivalry in Castle Town) though when Ritsu's around, she's rather chill and laid back. She does care about her kid, but also knows her kid is very energetic and can handle herself when playing/fighting a group of other children. Just... Don't hurt Ritsu. You likely don't want to see what happens if you mess with her baby. Empress on her own though? Prepare for an intense DDR break dance fight. Actually multiple of them. In a row. She doesn't like to loose. Even if she can be intense and a sore loser, Empress will still praise your creativity in solving her puzzles and road blocks.

Like I mentioned earlier, one of Ritsu's first encounters involved her throwing a temper tantrum at loosing a battle, so that can give you a bit of a sense of the type of kid she is. She considers herself an idol, literally introducing herself as "The sensational, terrific, all-time idol Ritsu!!!" Other than being a bit of a spoiled brat, Ritsu is very energetic. Sometimes it can take quite a lot of stamina and speed to match her in a rhythm rap battle, girl has BARS.

Emperor isn't encountered until the very end of the chapter, he is a bit similar to King in a few aspects, (again, I see a rivalry between him and King) mostly in being very authoritative and angry much of the time. However I also seem him as a general control freak (Makes sense taking in his Light World item) and probably something of a perfectionist and neat freak. He's mainly even made aware of your presence because you break into the Palace, after which you're quickly seized and captured. Even if we mainly see him as a cruel ruler throughout the chapter, Emperor is also a caring father. Empress and Emperor may both be flawed, but they are genuinely good parents who care about their daughter. Additionally, this guy can totally shred at Guitar Hero.

I imagine in the final battle, you're either mostly up against Emperor, or both him and Empress. Perhaps its a mix of both depending on the phrase and how much control Emperor is taking during the fight until later the two manage to finally work in harmony before Ritsu comes to break up the battle. I don't know, either way it's going to be rhythm hell with both the dance and guitar rhythm sections of this game.

Empress and Emperor's names should be a tad obvious. Like Magican and Priestess, they pull from tarot cards. The Empress and the Emperor. It's also where they get some of their personalities (this half explains their similarities to Queen and King. Those two just fit the maternal and paternal roles that the Empress and Emperor cards represent.)

Ritsu is a bit more interesting because she doesn't have tarot card inspiration. It comes from the Japanese word "律" or "Ritsu", (Electric Rhythm Empire was originally a Japanese arcade game) which Google translate told me means rhythm, law, or regulation. Her full name is Himeko Ritsu, meaning basically "Princess Drum Rhythm". Technically, Empress and Emperor also have the family name Himeko, but I'm not putting their full names since they're ridiculously long and just for a gag. (Well, at least Empress's is.)

As for their Light World counterparts? All three of them together are the arcade cabinet for Electric Rhythm Empire, but individually... Empress is likely the cabinet screen. She uses a lot of flashy holograms and theatrics. Ritsu is the card/ticket dispenser or one of the collectible cards (ERE is one of those rhythm games with collectible cards). Emperor is the control panel, thus his control freak tendencies.

In addition to their items, though, I also have each of them have a different rhythm game mechanic tied to them. Empress is dance rhythm games like Just Dance or DDR, Ritsu is button press rhythm games like Friday Night Funkin or PaRappa the Rapper, and Emperor is instrument control rhythm games like Guitar Hero or Piano Keys.

Backstory under cut

The ruling of Arcade World has always been something of a popularity contest. A long time ago, it was ruled by someone else, but ever since ERE joined the picture, they quickly rose to the top and have ruled supreme, charming the land not through any sort of sorcery or mind control manipulation, but through their charisma and music.

Empress and Emperor were an ultimate power couple, nurturing and leadership ruling side by side. And their daughter Ritsu was a cute little idol everyone adored. As a trio, they were the perfect balance of challenge and fun, bringing in many Lightners to bless the Arcade World. The ERE trio were beloved and sought out by everyone in the land. ... And even by some outside of the land.

One day, a knight arrived. A Lightner somewhat familiar yet still foreign to the Arcade World. Enamored by this land after stabbing into the earth to create a flowing Fountain of Darkness. A brilliant geyser that amazed all who beheld it. After wards, the Knight went straight for the Palace to track down the rulers and present them with the Fountain.

After presenting the Fountain to the Emperor and Empress, the Knight warned that soon a group of Lightner heroes would arrive and try to close the Fountain which now gave this land form. "I don't know when, but soon" The Knight said, before turning on their heel and and departing. Leaving the Arcade World to it's own devices.

Afterwards, the Emperor started to become obsessive over the Fountain. ensuring it remained protected in the Palace. Empress, on the other hand, was more concerned about the protection of her daughter and people, deciding to take on a more direct approach of confronting the Lightners head on when they arrived. Ritsu, being only a child was unaware of the dealings and goings on of adults. Merely caught in the middle of her parent's separate yet convergent goals. Mostly following her mother and excited at the possibility of getting to play new people. And so the dynamic of the Arcade World and it's rulers was ever so shifted... Until the Lightners soon arrived, just as the Knight had said.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ELECTRIC RHYTHM EMPIRE: PREPARE FOR SUPER RHYTHM MANIA! Insert Coin to Start

Cheat Code: ⇨⇨-Ⓑ⇧-⇧⇨-⇧⇩-⇦⇧ ⇦⇧-⇨⇧-SELECT-⇩⇨-⇨⇧-Ⓐ Ⓐ-Ⓑ-⇦⇨-START-Ⓑ

Ⓑ ⇨⇨-⇧⇩-Ⓐ⇨-⇩⇩-⇦⇨-⇨⇩ ⇩⇧-⇩⇩-⇦⇧-⇦Ⓐ-⇨⇩, Ⓑ ⇨⇨-⇧⇩-Ⓐ⇨-⇩⇩-⇦⇨-⇨⇩ ⇩⇨-START-Ⓐ-⇧⇩ ⇦⇦-⇧⇩-⇧⇩-⇦Ⓐ ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇧⇩ ⇦⇧-⇨⇧-SELECT-⇩⇨-⇨⇧-Ⓐ, ⇦⇦-⇧⇩-⇧⇩-⇦Ⓐ ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇧⇩ ⇦⇧-⇨⇧-SELECT-Ⓐ-⇧⇩

Ⓑ⇧-⇧⇨ Ⓑ⇧-⇧⇨ ⇨⇩-⇩⇩ ⇩⇧-⇦⇨ Ⓑ-⇦⇨-⇨⇩ ⇦Ⓐ-⇧⇩-⇦⇦-⇩⇨ ⇦Ⓐ-⇧⇩-⇦⇦-⇩⇨ ⇦⇧-START-⇦⇩-⇨⇧-⇩⇨ ⇦⇨-⇩⇩-⇩⇧ ⇧⇨-⇦⇧-⇧⇩-⇧⇨-Ⓑ-⇦⇧-⇧⇩ ⇦⇦-⇩⇩-⇦⇧ ⇦⇧-⇨⇧-SELECT-⇩⇨-⇨⇧-Ⓐ ⇦⇦-START-⇦⇩-⇨⇧-⇩⇨

Ⓐ-Ⓑ-⇦⇨ Ⓐ⇨-⇦⇧-Ⓑ-⇨⇦-⇧⇩-⇨⇨ Ⓐ-⇩⇩-⇦⇧-⇧⇩, ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇩⇩-Ⓑ⇧-⇦⇩-⇨⇧ ⇧⇧-⇦⇨-START-⇦⇩-⇨⇧-⇩⇨ ⇨⇧-⇩⇩-⇦Ⓐ-⇨⇩-⇨⇨ ⇨⇩-⇩⇩-Ⓑ⇧-⇩Ⓑ-⇩⇨-⇨⇨ ⇨⇨-⇩⇨-Ⓑ-⇩Ⓑ ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇧⇩ ⇧⇩-Ⓑ-⇦⇧-⇩⇨-⇨⇧, ⇨⇧-⇩⇩-⇦Ⓐ-⇨⇩ ⇨⇩-⇩⇩-Ⓑ⇧-⇩Ⓑ-⇩⇨ ⇩⇧-START-⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇩⇩-Ⓑ⇧-⇩⇨

START-⇨⇨ ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-START-⇨⇨ ⇦⇧-START-⇦⇩-⇨⇧-⇩⇨? Ⓐ⇨-⇩⇩-Ⓑ⇧-⇦Ⓐ-⇨⇩ START-⇩⇨ ⇩Ⓑ-⇧⇩ ⇩⇧-⇦⇧-⇩⇩-⇦⇨-⇦⇩? ⇦⇦-⇧⇩-⇧⇩-⇦Ⓐ ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇧⇩ ⇦⇩ ⇦⇧-⇩⇩-⇩⇩-⇨⇦-⇧⇩, ⇩⇦-Ⓑ⇧-⇨⇨-⇩⇨ ⇨⇩-Ⓑ-⇦⇨-Ⓐ⇨-⇧⇩ Ⓑ-⇦Ⓐ-⇩⇩-⇦⇨-⇦⇩

Ⓑ ⇩⇧-⇩⇩-⇦⇧-⇦Ⓐ-⇨⇩ ⇩⇩-⇦⇦ ⇨⇩-Ⓑ-⇦⇧-⇧⇧, Ⓑ ⇩⇧-⇩⇩-⇦⇧-⇦Ⓐ-⇨⇩ ⇩⇩-⇦⇦ ⇦Ⓐ-START-⇦⇩-⇨⇧-⇩⇨ ⇩⇨-START-⇨⇨ ⇩⇨-⇨⇧-⇧⇩ ⇩⇨-Ⓑ-⇦Ⓐ-⇧⇩ ⇩⇩-⇦⇦ ⇦⇦-⇩⇩-⇩⇩-⇦Ⓐ-START-⇨⇨-⇨⇧ ⇧⇧-⇦⇨-START-⇦⇩-⇨⇧-⇩⇨

#deltarune #deltarune fan character #Deltarune: Fool's Fate #dr arcadeworld #dr:ff arcadeworld #deltarune oc #petra's deltarune take #deltarune au #petra art #fool's fate #empress #emperor #ritsu #the empress #the emperor

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xxspringmelodyxx · 1 year ago

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Deception~

Morax (Zhongli) x Adeptus! Reader | Ch. I |

Oh hello, my dear readers! I hope you are all having a good day/night! This story is actually a requested story. Now, I know I said that requests are closed, but this person sent me this same request on my older account and so I feel as if I owe it to them for being so patient. So this is a request from @sailorstar9 and I decided to make this into a two/three-part story because I have a really good idea on how to write this. I’ll share with y'all what the first part said so the second part doesn’t get spoiled…you know…just to keep you all on edge ToT. Anyways, here is part of the request!

“As promised, my request piece inspire by your 'Betrayal' series. It's been a while since I submitted the original, so I try to recall what I wrote as much as I can. Here goes. Adeptus!Reader is one of the few Adepti who specializes in healing and purification; it had been her purification rites that prevented the Yakshas from succumbing to their karmic debts. More importantly, she is Rex Lapis' wife, a position Guizhong always wanted for herself. It was at one of the Adepti gatherings that Rex Lapis proudly announced that Reader is pregnant. The other Adepti rejoiced; their Lord finally had an heir. Meanwhile, Guizhong seethed inwardly and she started to plot”

And so, here is chapter I to “Deception”. I hope it meets your expectations! And thank you for the amazing request! Enjoy~

I smiled as tears slowly fell down my face, my body softly glowing from the pure joy I felt. In my hand lay a gorgeous blue lotus flower, confirming my suspicions. Just to be sure, however, I picked up another white lotus flower and let one of my tear drops fall onto it. Within seconds, the white flower quickly transformed into a blue colored lotus, letting me know that I was in fact pregnant. I quickly ran back to Morax’s palace, excited to tell him the news. We had been trying for months, and I mean we were really, really trying. However, no matter what, every time I came out to the Garden of Blooming Lotus’, they would always stay white, telling us that we still had not successfully made a baby. It was getting to the point where I was becoming worried that it was me.

Thankfully, all of that can be put to rest now after seeing the blue flower. I had never loved the color blue so much up until this point.

–

A few minutes passed and I finally made it back to my and my beloved’s home.

“Hey, N/n-Woah! Why are you glowing??” Bosacius asked as he covered his eyes. I turned to him with the biggest smile ever, the flower still in my hand.

“Oh Bosa, it is because I have just found out amazing news!” I said, running past him towards Morax’s throne.

“Woah! Tell me what it is! I wanna know!” He called out to me, but I ignored him, too busy with my own thoughts of how Morax would react.

Once I finished running up the stairs, I saw that his doors were closed, meaning that he was in a meeting with the other archons. I know I should just wait…I don’t want to interrupt his important meetings…

But this is far more important! At least to me it is…and I would hope it was more important to him as well. I shrugged my shoulders and quickly pushed open the doors, the sound echoing throughout the entire room. There were about 15 other archons there, all of who looked back at me to see what I was doing. Morax stopped speaking mid-sentence when he saw you, his pride and joy, standing there with the brightest smile he had ever seen. Not to mention, your body was glowing a bit. That alone made his heart flutter and jump.

However, he was soon full of concern when he saw your eyes. They were full of tears…yet your body displayed the complete opposite emotion of sadness…

“Excuse us, Y/n, but we are in a very important meeting.” Guizhong said, glaring daggers at you, but you were too busy to notice.

“No, this meeting is finished. We will have further discussion another time. You may all leave.” Morax said, motioning for them to leave, his eyes still fixated on you.

“But, Morax, we haven’t finished talking about-”

“I said leave.” Morax said back, this time taking his eyes off of you and onto Guizhong.

“Oh…it’s okay. I can come back once you guys are finish-” You started to speak, but Morax stopped you.

“No, my love. You stay here. Everyone else…out…now!” He said, his voice booming throughout the entire room. Everyone quickly got up out of their seats and scurried out of the room, leaving you and Morax completely alone.

He got up from his throne, walking down the short set of stairs to get closer to you.

Once he reached you, he placed his hand out, cupping your face and wiping your tears.

“My dear…why are you crying? Is something the matter? Did someone harm you?” He asked softly, placing soft kisses on your tear-stained cheeks.

Suddenly, a giggle emitted from your mouth, confusing Morax even more.

“Morax, my love, I am okay…in fact, I am overflowed with joy.” You said, wrapping your arms around him, bringing him down to your lips. You kissed him with such passion and love that it almost made Morax fall down to his knees.

“As much as I am happy to hear you are so happy…may I ask what happened to make you this way?”

“I have a surprise for you…” I said, showing him both of the blue lotus flowers.

He took a second to examine what you have just showed him, taking in the details before his eyes almost popped out of his face. He snapped his head back to you, his eyes full of hope but his mouth at a loss for words. It all made sense now. Why you were so happy, why you had tears in your eyes, why you were glowing, it all made sense!

“Y-You’re…You’re…”

“I believe the word you are looking for is…pregnant!” You said happily, jumping.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized that he is going to be a father. Soon, he will have a family with the woman he loves so much.

He quickly grabbed you, wrapping his arms around your waist and twisting you in the air with him, laughing at the great news.

“Oh, I can’t believe that I am going to be a father soon!” He said with a bright smile, kissing you as you were still in the air.

You giggled a bit as you wrapped your arms around him, deepening the kiss.

You both cut off the kiss a little while after, allowing you both to breathe. As you did, you both continued to stare at each other lovingly.

“You are going to be a great father, Morax. Our little baby is going to absolutely adore you.” You said, cupping his cheek in your hand.

Morax’s heart almost jumped out of his chest at your sweet words.

“And our little baby is going to be so lucky to have a mother like you. Any kid would. When I saw you playing with some of the children last year during our Archon party, I knew you would be amazing as a mother…and I’m so happy to know that you are the mother of my child…our child.” he said, softly landing you back on your feet.

He leaned down once more, placing his lips softly on yours, almost as if he didn’t want to break you.

“I love you, Y/n. I love you so much and will never stop, even after my death.” He spoke softly to you, holding your hand in his.

You smiled up at him, feeling your heart race at his words. Even after all these years of being married to him, he still always knows how to make your heart flutter.

“And I love you, Morax. I always will, no matter what, and even after death.” I said, copying a bit of his sentence.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around you.

“We have to tell the others of this great news! They would love to hear it!” He suggested, making you smile

“I was thinking the same thing. Especially because Bosa is expecting me to tell him soon and if I don’t, he will be very heartbroken.” I said, making Morax smile as he walked me out.

“Thankfully, everyone should still be outside. So it should be no issue for us to get the message out quickly.” He said happily, holding your hands in his.

–

After a few minutes of you two talking as you walked outside, you two finally made it to the stone staircase, seeing everyone still out and about, including the Yaksha’s.

“Attention everyone!” Morax called out, his voice booming throughout the entire area.

Everyone suddenly came to a stop and focused their attention towards you two.

“We have some very exciting news to share with all of you. My wife would like to say something.” Morax said, looking down at you with a soft smile.

You looked out to everyone, specifically the Yaksha’s and smiled happily, placing your hand on your stomach.

“We are having a baby!” You said outloud. Within seconds cheers and gasps were heard from all around you.

Inadarius and Bonanus ran up to you two and congratulated you, excited about the new baby that would soon be here in this world.

“Oh I can’t believe it! You are going to make such a good mother, N/n!”

“I bet you it’s going to look exactly like you, N/n.”

“I hope that is the case.” Morax said, looking towards you

“The mother is very beautiful in every way after all.” He said, caressing your face.

Heat rose to your face as he flirted with you.

“Not in front of everyone, Morax.” You said, trying to hide the smile forming on your face.

“Yo, N/n! What are you planning on naming the baby? I’ve got a couple ideas!” Bosa said

“Please, your ideas come from you combining two of the first things you see.” Menogias says, rolling his eyes at him

“Nuh uh!” Bosa said

“Oh really, so where did you get dirt-cloud from?” Bonanus asked, knowing all too well that Bosa came up with the name by looking at the ground and the sky

“It was just an idea! Damn!” Bosa said, pouting from his friends teasing.

You chuckled at them, happy that they were all so excited for you. However, you couldn’t help but get an off feeling coming from behind you.

You turned around and saw Guizghong standing there, staring at you with lifeless eyes. It was very…unsettling to say the least.

“G-Guizhong! I didn’t see you there.” You said, trying to start up some sort of conversation with her.

Suddenly, Morax looked to where you were looking, seeing Guizhong. When she saw that Morax was looking at her, her whole demeanor changed. What once looked like a lifeless form turned into one full of happiness and love.

“Oh, sorry about that. I was just…thinking. Anyways, I must head back to my home. I have some…things I need to work on. Congrats on your baby by the way, Morax! See you both later!” She said, quickly turning on her heels and speeding off to her place.

For some reason you had a weird feeling in your gut. It was all washed away, however, when Morax pulled you into him, placing a finger under your chin.

“I can’t wait to start our family, my love. I especially can’t wait to start our family with you~”

He said, placing another soft kiss on your lips. You smiled into the kiss, feeling any worry or doubt in your body burn away and be replaced by love. You had no idea what the future held for you two, but no matter what, you knew you and Morax would get through it…

Together~

_______________________________________

Tag list (How to be added):

#genshin x reader #zhongli genshin impact #zhongli x reader #genshin morax #angst #genshin impact morax #genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin #morax x reader #zhongli #zhongli x y/n #genshin zhongli #zhongli x you #guizhong #genshin impact angst

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starry-eyes-love · 10 months ago

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Ch 8- A Christmas Story

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

My Journey to You Series: Ch. 8- A Christmas Story (can read as a stand alone or in order with the series).

Pairings | Joel Miller x F!Reader with a lot of Ellie interactions

Summary | A Christmas Story in January, three wishes granted, and finally the concept of a family once again…and F!Reader and Joel’s teasing hit an all time high between them.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Language, slight angst (Joel and reader overthinks stuff again), sexual tension/teasing to the max, panic attack (Joel has one), a ton of fluffy fluff fluff stuff (like a ton), a lot of funny/cute little moments, references to smut (without actual smut though), passionate kissing, terms of endearment (baby, honey, etc.), Ellie calls Joel dad (it needs its own warning), Joel hears Sarah’s voice, Christmas theme stuff, water and snowball fight, Ellie and Joel banter, implied age gap (without any reference to age), Christmas cookies, family and marriage dynamic references, and I don’t want to spoil too much more. This one is a tear jerker (funny laughter and fluffy stuff wise) but in the best possible way for them. And a ring may be involved (shhh). Ok, not going to spoil it anymore…just read it…oh and an old guy in a fat Santa suit :)

Word Count: 10.9 K (not sorry really)

Ellie immediately started laughing as Joel struggled with the Santa suit. “Joel, you look funny in a fat suit,” she said, laughing out loud at a pillow peeking through his Santa jacket. “I haven't heard of no Joel before, I'm Santa.” He said, with a husky voice. “So what happened to Joel? Did ya kill him when you landed your fat ass on top of him with your sleigh…”

Joel had hunted for the perfect Christmas tree. He tried to find one that wasn’t too big or too small, something that would easily fit inside the cabin. After searching for the better part of a day, Joel finally found one that was perfect. You had been sitting by the fire, relaxing after making jerky for food, when you heard Joel through the door say “Hey, can ya help me with this?”

When you opened your eyes and peered through the window you gasped at seeing the tree. “Joel, are you serious? Did you actually get us a Christmas tree?” you said, eyes bright and a huge smile plastered on your face. It had been ages since you had a Christmas tree, let alone a proper Christmas. Christmas was always your favorite holiday and you were absolutely blown away that Joel was making the effort to give you something from your childhood, even though it was long past the holiday season.

After the tree was up, Ellie and you searched the storage totes again and found some old Christmas decorations with lights. There were only a few ornaments in the storage containers, so you improvised. You hung a few spoons, a hunting knife that was broken, a few old holey socks, and a few pieces of paper that had fallen out from old books; all of which were placed on the tree like ornaments. It wasn't the best looking tree, but it meant something to the three of you. It showed that even with survival, there was still a chance of having a family once again.

The following days after you put up the tree you kept to yourself more, getting lost in your own thoughts of the past again. You thought about what time of the year it was, and by your calculations and best estimate, you figured it was sometime in the middle of January. Technically Christmas was in the past, being a December holiday. When you brought this fact up to Joel, he told you to stop worrying. That the whole point of any of this was to give Ellie a taste of Christmas, no matter what time of year or suggested date it was on the calendar. No one kept a calendar anymore, all any of you could do was guess.

You tried not to worry, but you started overthinking again. You didn't tell anyone, but you silently hoped that Christmas would bring you a family once again. You knew Joel hadn't said that he loved you yet, but you were hoping he'd say it now for Christmas. What you didn't know was that Joel had been saying that he loved you, but just in Spanish, and you didn’t speak Spanish. Joel said ‘te amo’ almost every day to you, which meant that he loved you. He said it in front of Ellie once, and you saw Ellie's eyes go wide. Joel shot her a quick glare to be quiet. When you had asked her why she reacted that way, and if she understood Spanish, she said no. You didn't voice it, but you knew that she was lying. You tried asking Joel again what ‘te amo meant’, but he never answered you. He just walked outside and pretended not to hear you. You were starting to think that maybe your idea of Joel telling you that he loved you was wrong, that actually he was being mean to you once again, but this time in Spanish. You were so lost and confused, overthinking things once again in your head.

In the following days when you heard that the traps needed to be checked and reset, you volunteered to do it. This allowed you to mull things over in your head, without interruption or having to explain why you were being more quiet and keeping to yourself. You were gone for the better part of a day, taking longer than normal to check and reset the traps. You were so lost in thought, bent over and working on the last trap that you never heard Joel approach.

“Ya know, I didn't think watchin’ you attempt to check and rest a trap for the last 20 minutes would be so sexy. But I guess I was wrong.” He said, leaning up against a tree with his arms crossed.

You slowly straightened up and glanced over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow up at him. You didn't want to argue or fight, so you were wary of saying anything. When you looked at Joel, frustration was not what you saw. You saw him look at you like he was a wolf, and that you were his prey. His eyes were dark and pupils blown wide with lust. When you trailed your eyes down his body, you saw a tight prominent bulge in the front. The longer you looked, the more you felt your own heat rise up in your spine, and a deep throb started someplace else inside of you. How can that man stand there and look that damn sexy, you thought to yourself.

Joel stared at you, wondering the same thing. Damn woman. You're making it so fucking hard f’me. I just wanna bend ya over right there and fuck that nice tight lil’ ass of yours. Joel's thoughts were running rampant in his head, he was fighting hard to keep his calm composure and not give in to his animal instincts. After a moment of eye fucking you he said in a husky voice, “Ya wanna bend over for me, nice and slow baby? Let me see that nice tight ass of yours?”

“Yeah, well Miller, you can't touch now can you?” You said, smiling at Joel, trying to push the beast in front of you to give in and devour you. You craved Joel in every possible way. And by the way he was glaring at you, you figured he was thinking the same thing that you were. You wanted him desperately to stop being so noble, to just give in to his animal urges and claim you completely as his.

With a slight smirk and another slow palm to his crotch Joel said, “well baby, that's why I'm asking ya to bend back over f’me. I wanna see that nice, big-”

“You better not be referring to my ass as being big there old man, or so help me God, that'll be the last time you see it in this position.” You glared at Joel, silently challenging him to continue.

You saw Joel swallow hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down at your statement. Apparently your mouth turned him on. God, why did your smartass attitude sound so incredibly sexy to him right now? You watched Joel place his hands on his hips, slowly taking a few steadying breaths. It was getting harder and harder for him to deny you. This little chase game between the two of you was heating up, and Joel was miserable. You've been teasing the fuck out of him for days, not kissing him or allowing him to touch you sexually. He was about two seconds away from saying screw it and give in to you. He wanted you, desperately. Evidence of this was inside his pants right now, straining hard against his zipper. Throbbing and pulsing to every fast beat of his heart, reminding him that even in this unforgiving world, that he was still a man that had needs. And his needs were screaming at him to bend you over and claim that perfect little cunt of yours as his. God man, get a fucking grip on yourself.

Joel scolded himself internally, he remembered the discussion the two of you have had recently regarding the act of penetration. “Joel, do I not turn you on, do you not want sex? Every time I try, you say no. I want to. Please.” Your thoughts and mouth had overflowed with doubt and anxiety at his relationship with you recently. It wasn't like he didn't want to have sex, God he wanted nothing more than to give in and give you everything. But he was trying to do this right, or so he thought. “Just a little while longer,” he had said to you. But the more he watched you right now, the more he started to question his own logic.

Joel, being so lost in thought, was surprised when you slowly bent over and ran your hand up the back of your ass. “Mr. Miller, I want you to fuck this so bad.” You had said, looking back at him, pleading with your eyes.

Joel was trying to be a good man for you, a true gentleman. But you almost made him cum right there on the spot with that move. Right now he wanted to throw all caution out of the way and just bury himself deep inside of you, claim you as truly his. With a low growl, and a firm palm to his crotch, Joel looked at you with warning eyes and said, “Darlin', ya can't say shit like that t’me and expect me not to-” Joel had to stop himself before he fully admitted to his weakness. He knew that if he told you that he wanted to fuck you, that you'd touch him. And the moment you'd touch him would be when his last resolve would snap, and he'd give in to you with no restraint.

When you looked back at Joel, he looked completely wrecked. That man is truly like iron steel with his resolve. Holding back and not giving in, you thought. For a moment you truly were impressed with his ability to say no. But as the intense stare down continued, you knew he was on the verge of breaking and giving you what you wanted. But by how black his pupils looked, you knew he wouldn’t be able to be gentle, and that terrified and excited you all at the same time. You wanted him to give you everything that he had, to not hold back anymore, and to just let himself feel something. “Ya alright?” you said, while walking over to Joel. When he didn't respond, you were concerned. So with a long exhale you said, “Look Joel, I'm sorry, I-”

“No ya ain't. Ya ain't fucking sorry and you know it. Fuck woman, ya need to stop teasing me like this.” He said, pointing down at the front of him. You could see that he was uncomfortable, pants visibly tight around his big length. He was slightly throbbing through his denim jeans as his belt fit nice and snug on his waist. His lips were slightly parted as he slowly licked them, getting them nice and moist. He ran a hand through his hair, breathing heavy, cock twitching at your staring eyes. You heard a low growl emit from his chest as he said with a stern voice “quit fucking staring at me like that, and stop your god damn teasing, now.”

When you slowly raised your eyes up to Joel’s face, you saw the wild man, the wolf within him, stare back at you. Joel had that look in his eyes of pure dominance. He wanted you to challenge him, so he could claim you as truly his. Every warning bell was going off in your head from him, and you did the only thing that you knew you could do in this situation. You pushed him a little more, wanting his resolve to snap hard. “Teasing you? I'm not teasing you Joel.” You said, allowing irritation to lace your voice. Here you were minding your own business, thinking about stuff when he told you that you looked sexy and to bend over, and now giving you fuck me eyes. What the fuck was his problem, he was teasing you, you thought.

Joel didn't say anything, but he continued to look at you breathing hard. He knew you were challenging him, hoping that he’d lash out and teach you a lesson. You two had a lot of sexual tension building up over the past few months. And honestly, you two needed to fuck it out, but here was not the proper time nor place to do it. So he gently shook his head no, and took three steps back from you, dropping his hands to his sides while whispering “baby, we can’t.”

You knew that Joel was backing down, retreating from his feelings once again. And this made you frustrated. This was the whole reason why you were out here in the first place. You needed some time to be away from the tension inside the house, from the constant reminder that Joel didn’t want you sexually the way that you wanted him. So when you turned back around to go back to the trap, you were surprised to feel Joel grab your arm. Confusion laced your face when you looked down at his contact with you. His voice, almost in a pained whisper said, “baby please, just wait a sec. Maybe we could, I- uh want to, I want- shit.” He said, shaking his head.

“Joel, what is it?” You were hoping that if he couldn’t do the act that he obviously wanted to do, that maybe he could just at least talk about it with you.

Joel just stared at you, pleading with his eyes for you to understand him. He wanted to say ‘Baby, I love you and wanna fuck you so bad,’ but he couldn't voice it to you. Joel was scared. He was scared of feeling the things he felt for you in a world that was truly unforgiving. He didn't want to feel the pain of losing you, like he had when he lost Sarah. He also didn't want to be alone anymore. So with a huff he said “looks like ya got it all figured out. Don't- don't take too much more time.”

When he turned to leave, you reached out and grabbed him by the arm and said, “what, no kiss goodbye?” You wanted something to hold on to, something that said that all this sexual tension was worth it, that he wanted you. That maybe he actually did love you. But when you saw Joel looking at you with a stone cold look on his face, one that was also mixed with pain, you heard him whisper “no” as he pulled further away.

“Why? Did I do something wrong? Joel, what did I do so wrong, why don’t you want to-”

“No darlin' you didn't do anything wrong.” He said, stopping and smiling kindly at you. “I just- it ain't a good idea right now is all, ok. We can’t, not here. I need to get back.” And with that he yanked his arm out of your grasp and marched towards the cabin once again.

You called back to him and said “why? Joel, I don't understand,” but he never stopped. You were left standing there, now more confused than ever, thinking to yourself, what in the hell was that?

Do you want me to fuck you? Is that what you want? Your words kept playing over and over again in Joel's head from the other night as he marched back to the cabin. Do you even want me Joel? He couldn't stop the racing thoughts as they entered his mind.

When he got back to the cabin, he went inside. Once he was inside he slammed his fist onto the closed door, placing his head against it with his eyes closed. He was breathing hard and fast, heart pounding hard inside his chest. He tried to slow his breathing down when he felt the ache in his chest start again, like it has so many times before. But this time it was a little different, he felt a tightness take over too. His vision started to blur, and his ears began to ring. He was spiraling out of control into a god forsaken panic attack once again.

Before he was sucked too far down into his fears, he felt someone put their hand on his back and softly whisper, “dad you're gonna be ok. Just breathe. Come on, slow breaths for me.”

“I can't, it's too much.” He said, eyes shut tight as he felt his heart pound hard into his chest.

“No, it's not too much. One long breath in, hold for two seconds, then exhale for three. Come on dad, with me.”

Joel heard the breaths going in and out, and the voice that attempted to calm him. He thought he was hallucinating, hearing Sarah’s voice once again, but it sounded different from what he usually could hear in his mind. As he tried to focus on breathing, he struggled. Then he heard the voice say in a soft and gentle manner again, “What scared you?”

“I don't wanna be alone, but I don't want to feel the pain of losing you again” he said, feeling his heart pound faster in his chest at the admittance of what caused his panic attack to start.

“You ain't gonna be alone dad, we love you. Now come on, breathe with me and repeat after me ‘I’m safe, I'm calm, I'm loved.’”

Joel repeated it multiple times, for several minutes, listening to the voice calm him and slow his breathing down. His heart had returned to normal in his chest, vision no longer cloudy and ears no longer ringing. Finally he took a big breath in and out, steadying himself once again. But before he opened his eyes he heard the voice say, “I love you dad, please never forget it.” And then the soft voice was gone. Joel opened his eyes and looked behind him as he slowly watched Ellie walk towards her bedroom. It was then that he realized the soft voice wasn't Sarah, it was Ellie. And his heart constricted once again, but this time out of love for the teenager he traveled with. “Thanks baby girl” he whispered as Ellie walked away. Ellie never acknowledged it, but she heard him loud and clear.

Once you got back, Joel was already in his room with the door shut. Ellie said that when he returned, he just walked in saying that he wasn't feeling well, and then went to lay down in his bedroom. She never told you that he had a panic attack, and that she helped him calm down. You sat talking with Ellie for a bit, she continued to ask you a million questions about what life was like before during Christmas. Eventually you felt your eyelids grow heavy, so with a smile you said “I'm gonna go and get some sleep Ellie. It’s been a long day.” You were still hurt and sensitive about your earlier discussion with Joel, second guessing his feelings for you once again.

Ellie just nodded at you, not saying anything in return. As you got to the hallway you heard her say “just so ya know, te amo means I love you or love you in Spanish. Joel, he's emotionally constipated and hurting right now. He doesn't want to lose you or I like he did Sarah. So, I don't know, just cut him some slack or something. I want a family for Christmas.”

You just looked at Ellie and nodded your head. When she went back to reading her book you went to your own room, letting Joel have the other room by himself. You two needed a break, well mostly you did. You were exhausted and needed to sleep, but didn’t want to lay next to the man who made you ache inside for him when he wouldn’t do anything to help relieve that discomfort. You and Joel used to play around with each other, where he’d use his fingers and mouth to help you get off. But recently he wouldn’t even do that. Something was different with him, and you didn’t know what caused it or why.

After you laid down you found that sleep quickly caught up to you. And for once it gave you pleasant dreams. Dreams of a family and a life that you wanted with a foul mouthed teenager named Ellie, and a wise old grump named Joel. Christmas was going to be great this year, or at least it was like that in your dreams. Little did you know, your dreams would soon become reality.

3 Days Later

“Joel, you can't see for shit beyond ten yards away. You're old and blind” Ellie said, sitting by the fire and talking with Joel.

“What the hell does that even mean, ya little shit? I can see beyond 10 yards, ya smartass, right y/n?”

“Hey, don't bring me into this argument,” you said, laughing at the banter between Joel and Ellie.

“See y/n agrees, you're old as shit Joel.”

“What? How’d you come up with that logic? She didn’t even say anythin,’” Joel huffed, going back and forth with Ellie. The banter between these two for the last few days was getting more frequent, which made you laugh harder each time. It wasn’t that these two were fighting. They were just bickering with each other, playful banter really, and something that reminded you of a family. You remember seeing your uncles do it with their teenage daughters, it reminded you of home.

“Look here smartass, don't go and spread lies ‘bout me that ain't true. If ya can’t verify it or back it up, then you’re just making stuff up.” Joel was now standing tall and pointing a finger at Ellie. Ellie, relaxed on the floor, was questioning Joel in whether or not he could even see to shoot a bow, as he was struggling to read the book in his hands. He kept squinting, huffing to himself and saying that people needed to stop printing books in such small print.

“Joel, you can’t see the large print book in front of you, when it says ‘large print’ on it. You’re fucking blind ya old man, ain’t that right y/n?” Ellie said with a serious look on her face.

“Ellie, god damnit watch your mouth. Ya hear me? I said no swearin’. And you over there,” Joel said while pointing a finger at you, “stop your damn laughing.” You were rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that your stomach hurt at the calm bickering that Ellie and Joel were both doing. You could barely contain your laughter, trying not to hurt or bruise Joel’s ego at the situation that he swore just as bad (and if not worse) than Ellie did, yet he was yelling at her for swearing.

“Damn it, I can’t read this sentence. Y/n what the hell does this even say here with this small print. I tell ya, they don’t make books like they used to.” Joel mumbled to himself, while pointing out the sentence he couldn’t read.

Ellie immediately tried to grab the book, offering to help Joel read it. But Joel quickly batted her hand away, putting the book into your hands. You glared at Ellie and Joel, trying to decide what you should do. Ellie was pleading with her eyes for you to crack a joke so she could continue with the easy conversation of teasing Joel. Joel was looking at you to solve the problem he was having. After a moment you brought the book up so you could read it, deciding to help Ellie have some more fun, and for you to have a little fun with the old man that was in front of you. You needed to relax too, not every interaction with Joel needed to be so intense.

“Ok Joel, I’ll help you. What do you want me to read?” you asked innocently, hiding the devilish smirk behind your calm exterior. When Joel pointed out the sentence, mumbling again how books aren’t created like they used to be, having the print too small, you couldn’t help yourself. You took a deep breath and said, “well first off Joel, this book was written back in 1945. But you’re right, they don’t make them like they used to. And you’d know that perfectly wouldn’t you, with your age.” You then went to start to read the sentence and you noticed that Joel froze as he sat down, looking over at Ellie who was sitting upright, not yet laughing or saying anything at the old reference. You had to hand it to the kid, she patiently waited until your next sentence came out.

“Ok Joel it says, ‘once upon a time, an old man named Joel couldn’t see, so he decided to blame the world for being old. He asked a beautiful, young, and attractive woman to help his poor, old, feeble self by reading something that a blind man could honestly see. So she decided to help, because he was really cute, and in the end, she agreed with the teenager that he was old as fuck. The End.’”

“Gimme that wiseass” he said as you finished. Ellie was now bent over laughing so hard that she was hyperventilating at how much you were in on teasing Joel too. “No respect from the younger generation I tell ya, no respect.” Joel then got up with a groan and sulked towards the bedroom with his book in his hands. When he got to the hallway he turned around and said “if y'all are through laughin’ at me, I’m gonna go and read in the bedroom and get some sleep.”

“Cause you’re old as shit” Ellie said.

Joel, not realizing what Ellie had said out loud, commented “right, see you in the morning.”

You and Ellie both roared with laughter at the fact that Joel didn’t realize what he agreed to. After a moment, he stopped and then hit his head with the palm of his hand, saying, “I didn’t mean that. I’m not agreeing to that.”

You replied, “see Ellie, apparently he’s old, blind and deaf too.”

“No respect I tell ya, none.” He said loudly upon hearing what you said. Huffing to himself, he marched into the bedroom yelling “and yet y’all need me to survive” as he slammed the door.

Both Ellie and you continued to laugh in the living room. After a moment you said “we probably shouldn’t make fun of him so much, he gets a little touchy ya know.”

“I know,” Ellie said, “but it’s so much fun teasing Papa Bear like this. Reminds me of what it’d be like if he was my dad. Well, I’m gonna go to bed.” She said, then getting up and leaving for her room.

“Night Ellie,” you said as Ellie walked towards her bedroom. You sat there in the living room for a little while longer, rubbing your eyes and giggling to yourself at the funny banter that happened. Life was feeling pretty good for a bit. But now with the quiet, you felt your heart constrict and those empty thoughts of being alone came rushing back in. After sitting there in silence you decided to go to bed yourself. Forcing your thoughts to rest in your head at the fact that you were going to be sleeping alone once again.

When morning came, you had decided to bake Christmas cookies in secret. You recruited Ellie to help you keep Joel distracted for the afternoon. Ellie had apologized to Joel in the morning, he had called her a smartass again, but it seemed like he forgave her. He wouldn’t talk to you really, telling you that you were mean to him and that he doesn’t talk to mean people. You knew he was just joking as he gave you a wink and a light hip chuck at the statement when he stood next to you in the kitchen. You’ve never seen this side of Joel, so carefree and fun that it shocked and surprised you, but also turned you on. You loved carefree Joel, someone that you hoped you would be able to see more of. Once Ellie was talking Joel's ear off outside, you started to bake your surprise Christmas cookies.

“Hey old man, why haven’t you told her what Te amo means yet?” Ellie asked, leaving out the part that she already told you what it meant. She wanted Joel to say it to you, knowing that you both loved each other very much and she wanted both of you to be happy.

“Not the right time” was all he said, huffing as he swung the axe to chop firewood. “And stop calling me old” he said with another grunt and swing of the axe.

“When’s the right time Joel?” She questioned, transfixed at what he was doing.

“Dunno” was his only reply as he swung the axe yet again.

“Joel I-”

“Ellie, this ain’t none of your business what her and I- what we- Look, her and I have-”

“God Joel, you’re forgetting that I’m practically an adult, I know you two have your little love sessions. That’s what I mean, if y’all can fuck, then why can’t you tell her that you love her?”

“Keep your voice down” Joel snapped, approaching Ellie for a moment to grab another piece of firewood. “And for the record, we ain’t fuckin’ yet, so-”

“Why not? Can’t get it up old man, is that the problem?” She joked, smiling at her sarcasm that she just gave him.

He just shook his head at her, not answering her. Getting it up was not the problem, that part was evident last night when he went to bed. You had given him a lot of sass last night and Joel hated to admit that it was a huge turn on for him. You were strong, could keep up with him and you weren’t afraid to put him in his place. When he walked into his bedroom last night, he was hard as a rock at the fact that you had a sassy mouth. It only took him a few minutes before he came hard around his fingers, wishing he was buried deep inside of you. This no sex thing was getting to him, he needed you in more ways than one, and he didn’t think he’d be able to hold off for very much longer.

“So what’s the reason Joel?” Ellie said, snapping Joel out of his train of thought.

“I just want to do this right” was all he said.

“How do you ‘do it right?’” Ellie asked genuinely, not understanding the complexity of relationships like this yet.

“What’s with all these questions, huh? Look, her and I, what we- I know what I’m doing, ok? Don’t worry about this, it ain’t your concern.” he said, swinging the axe and chopping another piece of firewood.

Ellie loved teasing Joel, especially about you. You had asked her to go out and keep Joel occupied as you started baking something inside the house. You found an old recipe for Christmas cookies, specifically sugar cookies. You went through the pantry and saw the makings for the cookies and you wanted to do something nice for Joel, considering the tension between you two wasn’t the best at the moment. You didn't know what was the matter, you figured it had everything to do with him remembering his last Christmas with his daughter. That's why you wanted to make this Christmas perfect for him and Ellie too.

“So do you?” Ellie asked Joel as she continued to watch him.

“What?” He said, breathing hard after he swung the axe yet again, chopping another piece of firewood.

“You heard me. Do. You. Love. Her?” she said, emphasizing each word so Joel could hear her. Ellie was genuinely interested in whether or not Joel actually did love you.

Joel, not wanting to talk about his feelings, started sifting through the log piles, pretending like he was trying to find something. Ellie could tell that he was nervous, not wanting to answer the question. She walked over to Joel and then said “Papa Bear, what's the matter?”

“I do. I do love her it's just that-”

“You're just scared to love that hard again, I get it.” Ellie said, smiling at him at his attempted admission. Every time she's ever tried to get Joel to talk about his feelings he's always blow up either at her or at you for asking. So this little attempted admission made Ellie feel good, knowing that he did in fact love you and that Joel felt comfortable enough to share.

“Yeah somethin’ like that. Now enough of making me talk, what are you gonna give y/n for Christmas?” Joel said, trying to change the subject.

Ellie had talked Joel's ear off all afternoon. When he got tired she took a turn and chopped firewood for a little bit. You watched through the window at the two of them, seeing how he just fell into the typical dad role. At one moment you saw her jump on his back to try to get him on the ground. He was able to twist around and finally held her down, tickling her. You could see that he loved that sassy foul mouthed teenager as if it was his own Sarah.

You were finally finished baking the sugar cookies, as they were now cooling on the rack, when all of a sudden you heard Ellie yell “hey y/n, can you come out here for a second?”

When you didn't respond right away, as you were grabbing your boots and coat, you heard Joel yell with a booming voice “woman, get your ass out here now.”

You quickly ran outside saying “What? What's the matter?” When all of a sudden you were hit by a flying snowball. You looked around to see where it had come from when you got hit right in the face again with another one. When that happened, you yelled as it had stung and surprised you.

“Oh shit Joel, you hit her in the face” you heard Ellie say.

“Shh not so loud, you'll give away our position” he countered.

When you looked around eventually you saw Joel and Ellie poke their head out of a little hiding spot. “You shits,” you had said, while forming a snowball yourself and then launching it at them. The next thing you knew, the three of you were having an honest to God snowball fight, like you were all 8 years old again. Quickly though it became girls against the boy, as Joel accidentally hit Ellie in the back of the head and she yelled “What the fuck Joel?”

His response was “well when ya got a big head, and are in the way, what do ya think will happen?” That caused you and Ellie to form a temporary alliance to get even with Joel.

As the three of you were forming strategic positions and developing an art to this snowball fight, you had an idea to really get Joel back. You went into the kitchen and filled a large pot with ice cold water. This will get him good, you thought. Then Ellie got him cornered and you approached him with the water.

“Woman, now put that down now. No use you gettin’ yourself hurt.” He said, trying to get away from you, but Ellie had him backed into a corner. When Joel saw that you weren't backing down he said “so help me God y/n, if ya do that I'll throw your naked ass in the snow later.”

“Hear that Ellie? I believe Joel just gave me a challenge. What do you think, kid?” You said, while approaching Joel. He was quickly glancing around to try to find an exit, when he couldn’t find one he thought intimidation might stop you.

“Look here, that’s not a challenge little girl. It's a fucking promise. Ya do that I will throw your ass naked in the snow.” When you didn’t back down he quickly shouted, “woman, put it down now or else-” and that's when you did it. You tossed the water at Joel and drenched the entire front of him. He immediately yelled saying, “Jesus Christ, that's cold. Ya tryin' to freeze my balls off here or somethin’? What's gotten into you?” He then got grumpy and started walking inside, not wanting to look at anyone anymore. He looked like a wet pup, and boy did it make you and Ellie laugh.

When Joel entered the cabin he stopped as he smelled a familiar old scent in the air. When you walked in behind him you put your hand on his back and said, “Merry Christmas Joel.” He turned around, and said, “did ya bake Christmas cookies?”

“Of course I did, honey. Sugar cookies only though. It was the only thing I could find the ingredients for.” You said, biting your lip nervously. Ingredients were hard to come by but you managed to find enough for a batch of cookies, and then some left over for bread. Sugar cookies were cooling on the wrack and bread was still baking in the oven. You knew they wouldn't have that fresh taste as you had no idea how old the ingredients were. You couldn't use chicken eggs or butter, so you substituted it for some water and other ingredients like stored coconut oil you found that was still ok.

Joel stood there sniffing the air, a wide grin plastered onto his face. He may be a man in his 50s, but right now in this moment he looked like a young boy, excited to have baked Christmas goods. “Um, do ya think that maybe I could-” Joel said, shuffling over to where the cookies were cooling, dropping large pools of water everywhere with how wet he was.

When you looked down you giggled to yourself at how his threat of throwing you into the snow naked hadn’t happened yet, something that you weren’t going to remind him of. “Hey, how ‘bout you go and get outta those wet clothes, then come over and have the first official taste test. Let me know how I did.” You said, nudging him gently towards the bedroom where some warm and dry clothes were.

Joel nodded and quickly shuffled off to change his clothes, leaving large drops of water all the way down the hall. “Is he gone?” Ellie asked, peeking her head around the door while still standing outside, not wanting to get attacked herself with water from Joel.

“Yeah, he went to go and change quick,” you said, bending over and checking the bread. Seeing that the bread was done, golden brown but flat, you took it out of the oven and shut the oven off. You stood there glancing at it and then pinched the bridge of your nose, muttering to yourself, “well, it didn't rise right. That yeast must be too old.”

“Still smells amazing darlin', I'm not picky” you heard Joel say, standing close behind you. When you turned around to look at him, you saw a flash of something different. It almost looked like happiness, something you don’t think you’d ever see Joel have. “Well Ellie, ya want your first taste of a Christmas cookie?” Joel asked, then motioned for Ellie to take one and bite into it first. “Well how does it taste?” He said, smiling at the way her eyes lit up, savoring the bite like it was the best thing that she’d ever tasted.

After a moment she said “um- wow. That's really fucking good.”

“Language Ellie, Jesus Christ” Joel mumbled. “Damn kid needs to watch her mouth.”

You silently laughed because it was like watching a father and daughter interact once again. Soon Joel bit into the cookie himself, and then he moaned at the taste. “For something so old it sure tastes damn good” he mouthed, cookie still half in his mouth.

“Yeah, I know you taste good,” you said softly so Ellie couldn't hear.

Joel started sputtering and coughing at the statement of you referencing how he tasted and his age. He grumbled to himself saying, “Dammit woman, you're gonna kill me one of these days. Jesus.”

Ellie was still going on about the taste of the cookie and how it compared to other things she's tried, that she didn’t catch the slight sexual innuendo interaction that you and Joel just had. According to her, the stale taste of the cookie ranked high on her list of her favorites. The three of you enjoyed a total of two cookies each, agreeing that you should keep the rest for later, just in case Santa would come. Ellie, even though being older, was still holding out hope that a big fat guy in a red Santa suit was actually real. What she didn’t realize was that she was going to see Santa sometime soon.

A Day Later

Joel decided to go out hunting, to see if he could bring back a true Christmas feast for you and Ellie. Ellie decided to go with him, saying that she wanted to prove that she would do a better job at shooting something, telling Joel that he couldn’t see. The same argument that started a few days ago about a book continued as they walked off into the woods together. They were gone a long time and when they returned, it was almost dark out. When they returned Ellie came running inside saying that she shot a deer. You congratulated her, saying that you were proud of her for being an expert marksman. When you went out to help Joel dress the deer, you found him laughing silently to himself.

“What's so funny?” You asked as you slowly approached him.

“That kid over there.” He said, kneeling down and craving into the deer while motioning with his head in the direction that Ellie went. You looked down at him and gestured for him to continue with your hands. “She- uh, she never hit the deer. That one couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, so I had to kill it. But I-I made it look like she did it.” He said laughing and shaking his head.

Joel then told you that when Ellie pulled back the bow and shot at the deer, that she missed. She had immediately shut her eyes, not seeing if she hit the deer but asked Joel if she did. Joel, having already had his bow drawn, saw that she hit a tree stump only 3 feet away. When he realized that she missed he released his arrow and killed the deer, you three did need to eat after all. However, after he killed the deer, he had decided to tell Ellie that she did it, knowing that it'd make her day. “So ya see, I couldn’t not help the little shit” Joel said laughing out loud. “She made this big fuss about it ahead of time, and I couldn't just break her heart in telling her that all she managed to truly kill was the tree.”

“Aw you're so sweet, you know that” you said, smiling at Joel looking out for Ellie.

“Yeah, I've been told that a few times I reckon” he said while standing up and looking at you with dark hungry eyes. “I’ve been also called old and an asshole too many times too,” he stated with a smirk, then bending down again to continue to slice into the deer.

You didn't know how to respond to his teasing, so you just stood there silent. After a moment you turned to head back into the house when you heard Joel say, “Te amo, baby.” You still didn't know what he was saying in Spanish, if Ellie was true with her statement, it meant that he loved you. So before you entered the house you gently replied back, “Te amo Joel and Merry Christmas.”

When Joel was finished dressing the deer he cooked the venison. As soon as you bit into the cooked venison you let out a low moan in pleasure. The explosion of flavors with fresh meat felt amazing to your taste buds. Joel hummed in contentment and blushed a rosey red in his cheeks at your outward display of gratitude. You told him that it tasted amazing and that he was the best cook ever, even Ellie agreed with you.

After the food was consumed, and the table was cleared, the three of you sat around the fire. You and Joel taught Ellie Christmas songs and you three all enjoyed feeling like a family for once. When time came to open up the presents, you could see that Ellie was just like a toddler. She was jumping for joy at seeing things under the tree for her that was wrapped up in old rags as wrapping paper with her name on them. As she opened her presents, she was excited at what she saw.

Joel gave Ellie a warmer winter jacket, one that he found at the other abandoned cabin that was located about five miles West from where the three of you were. He found the cabin about a month ago, abandoned just like this one was. He had been bringing over more supplies from there periodically. The jacket that he found was too small for you or him, but it fit Ellie perfectly. When she tried it on she was beaming at how comfortable it felt, and how warm it was.

You had given Ellie a handmade necklace, made out of different rhinestones that you had found in a storage craft box in the cellar. Crafts were something that you always loved to do when you were younger, and something you’d do in the QZ if you could find them. Joel and you also gave Ellie three joke books that you both found. As soon as she saw them she started crying, saying that it was the most perfect Christmas she’s ever had, and yet the biggest surprise wasn't even there yet.

Joel and Ellie both gave you a Wilderness Cookbook, something that he found in the other cabin also. He explained to you that the cookbook had recipes of how to cook rabbit, venison, and other things in the wilderness. You were grateful and thanked them both. Joel then whispered quietly in your ear, “I got something private, just for the two of us to indulge in later.” He said, gently squeezing your knee when you looked up at him with hopeful eyes, questioning him silently for what he had planned. You then saw Joel slowly open his mouth, sticking just the tip of his tongue out, as he moved the tip of his tongue back and forth fast. Using the same motions that he did when he’d eat you out. You blushed a dark crimson shade of red and quickly adjusted in your seat. Your panties suddenly felt too tight on you as you pushed your thighs together for some relief at the throb you felt in your core. “Later” he whispered again to you, while giving you another gentle squeeze to your knee and a chaste kiss to your cheek.

Joel then opened a few Western books from Ellie, ones that you had given her. You had just finished reading them recently and you knew that Joel wanted to read the books. So you gave them to Ellie and told her that you had found them at the other cabin and thought that maybe Joel would like to read them. Joel thanked Ellie and acted all surprised at seeing the books. Neither one of you told her that Joel had already asked to borrow them from you whenever you were finished reading them.

Joel then also opened a small homemade bracelet from you that you had made him. The bracelet had a butterfly pendant attached to it. When he saw it, Joel froze and just looked up at you. “Tess told me that Sarah used to love butterfly’s.” You told him as he gently ran his finger over the pendant. “Joel, if I could give you Sarah I would but-”

“No, it's alright. It's beautiful.” he said, sniffling slightly at the sight. Sarah, his babygirl, God he missed her. After a moment he quickly shook his head and then stood up, remembering that he still had two other gifts to give. Joel quickly said, “um, excuse me for a moment. I ah- I need to grab something” and then he disappeared by walking outside. Ellie was so focused on her joke books that she never saw Joel leave. All of a sudden you heard a knock at the door, followed by a “Ho, Ho, Ho” behind it. Ellie immediately tensed and you casually went over to the door, holding a gun for good measure, nevermind you knew who was behind the door. When you opened the door you saw Joel dressed head to toe in a Santa suit.

“Howdy there little lady- Jesus Christ woman, ya gonna shoot me or somethin’?” he said, shaking his head, looking at the gun you had pointed at him. “I heard y’all been having a hard time here so I thought I’d bring ya some Christmas cheer.”

Ellie immediately started laughing as Joel struggled with the Santa suit. “Joel, you look funny in a fat suit,” she said, laughing out loud at a pillow peeking through his Santa jacket.

“I haven't heard of no Joel before, I'm Santa.” He said, with a husky voice.

“So what happened to Joel? Did ya kill him when you landed your fat ass on top of him with your sleigh? Crushed him didn't you? It's ok, he probably deserved it. Killed by an old worn out fat guy with no fashion sense. Better than a clicker really, ya know.” Ellie said, laughing.

“Ok, look here wiseass, I ain't no old fat guy.” Joel said, grumbling to himself in his regular voice.

“Well you look ridiculous dressed like that.” Ellie said, doubling over and laughing hard again. You were rolling on the floor with a pillow over your mouth laughing at Joel and Ellie bantering again. You didn't know why, but seeing these two go at each other warmed your heart in a way that you never knew.

When Joel looked over at you he said “You stop your laughin’ over there” as he pulled the pillow out from his stomach and sat down with a huff on the couch. “Got no respect from the younger generation anymore. Ya hear me, no respect. Here I am tryin’ to make your Christmas special and all ya do is laugh at me and-”

“Joel it's ok” Ellie said, interrupting Joel’s little rant. “We love you anyways Joel, ain’t that right y/n?” Ellie continued, trying to look serious but failing miserably at it.

“Honey, you look amazing and-”

“Both of you just shut it, I know when I'm not loved.” He said, shaking his head and mumbling. “Shouldn't have to give ya both these now, but here ya go.” Joel handed you a small box. “Here ya go wiseass, so you don't feel left out either.” He said, shoving a box in Ellie's hands.

Ellie and you both quieted down and then looked at the little boxes in your hands with a piece of paper folded up over top of them. “Ellie why don't you go first,” you said, wanting her to enjoy the gift.

When Ellie opened the box she found a small seashell bracelet with black thick string with it and the piece of paper was a note that read the following:

My dearest Ellie,

I know I ain't your father, but over the past year you've grown so much on me kid. Ya got that sassy, smartass mouth on ya, and ya got a horrible attitude to boot. But you're strong kid, so strong. And you remind me of what my daughter Sarah was like, but so much more. I know your favorite thing is the Sea and one day I promise I’ll take ya there, and build those sandcastles with you, as tall as me. I love ya kid, like you were my own little baby girl. I wear a copy of your bracelet as a symbol of my love for ya honey.

Forever, my love for you child, Joel (or Dad if ya want)

After Ellie was done reading the note out loud, you found that you both were crying. Ellie immediately ran over to Joel, hugged him tight, crying into his shoulder saying, “you better fucking mean it. Swear to God you mean this Joel, and don't lie to me.”

“Baby girl, I swear to God everything in that note is true. I love ya like you’re my own honey, like you’re my true daughter cause ya are.” Joel then held Ellie, kissing the top of her head as she cried into his shoulder, this time her tears were tears of joy. Ellie got her Christmas wish after all, a family, something that she has never had ever in her life.

After a moment of them holding each other, they pulled apart and both looked at you. It was now your turn to read the note and to open the gift from Joel. You hands were shaking and you were panicking. You wanted more than anything for someone to love you, a man, with no strings attached. You were scared of what you were going to read in the note. But with a shaky breath, you opened your note and read it out loud.

Y/n,

The first time I laid eyes on you it was in the QZ and I thought that I had finally died and had gone to Heaven. My heart stopped in my chest darlin’, and I became nervous, still am when I look at ya. I remember thinkin’ that you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and baby, you still are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

The first time I kissed you, I was a goner. Forever to be the only woman that I’d ever want in life again. I used to be so angry, not because I didn’t want ya, but because I thought that I couldn't do any of this right. I couldn't date you properly, marry you, or even have babies with you the way that I’ve wanted to. And baby, I was so angry, I was angry because you deserve all of that from the world, and so much more. But then I realized somethin’, you and Ellie were sent from Heaven above, from my Sarah to help me now. For me to love and be loved once again.

I prayed honey, I prayed so hard for so many years, wanting to see my little girl again that was taken from me. And I don't know how or why, but somehow she sent me you two. And God, if I don't now have something worth fightin’ for. You and Ellie make this life bearable, make me want to live again. And truthfully, I'd be lost without ya both.

Now I know I ain't always good with my words, or tellin’ ya how I feel. But Angel, you mean everything t’me. Now open your gift honey, and let me tell you with the words myself.

You turned to Joel with tears in your eyes and trembling fingers while he gently coaxed you to open your gift. “Go on darlin', open it.” he said, ever so gently. When you opened your gift you gasped out loud. Inside the box was a ring, a birthstone ring for June, your birth month. You looked shocked at Joel when you saw it. He motioned for you to give him the ring.

With the ring in his hand he then reached out and held your hands, looking you in the eyes saying, “you mean everything t’me y/n and so much more. If you'll have me, I want you to wear this on a specific finger baby.”

Joel slowly took your left ring finger in his hand while holding the ring in his right hand. “I found this in a jewelry box in that other cabin and I thought Sarah must be telling me somethin’. I know it's not the proper one, but hell, nothin' is proper anymore. I promise if we ever get back to civilization again, I'll do this right. I swear it baby. Please be mine. Forever.”

You looked at the ring that Joel was holding, confusion washing over your face for a moment, not understanding what he was meaning. Joel looked over to Ellie and she smiled, understanding what was happening and gently said to Joel “dad, it’s time to tell mom what you told me in secret before.”

Joel nodded and took a breath to steady his nerves as he looked into your eyes. When he stared into your eyes he saw your hesitation. Not because you didn't want what he felt, but because you did and you were so scared that he didn't feel the same way. So with renewed confidence he said “I promise I'll do this right later if we can. But y/n-” and then he felt it, the pain searing tight in his chest at the thought of losing this, of losing you. It gripped him so hard, and tried to swallow him whole at the thought that he couldn't keep you safe. He was scared, and frightened at the thought of losing you or Ellie like he did Sarah. But this time as the pain consumed him, his thoughts drifted to Sarah. Sarah knew that her father loved her with everything, even as he held her when she died.

Joel remembered the night that Sarah was conceived. The way he and Sarah's mom desperately moved in unison together, trying to grab onto something for stability in a world that they felt was falling apart. He never connected with Sarah's mom again after that, it was only on that one night when she was created. It was like the world, the universe, told him that he needed to be a father at a younger age. He felt like that was the reason why his first marriage with Sarah’s mom failed. That they never were truly in love, except for where Sarah was concerned. But now things were different, especially with you. Joel was in love with you in a way that he's never been with a woman before. So with a smile and a chuckle he shook his head, finally finding the strength that he needed, to be able to say the next part out loud.

“Woman, you drive me nuts and make me feel things I, at my age, didn't think I deserved to feel anymore. I used to think you were sent here to torture me, make me pay for all of my sins. But then I saw what it was. That Sarah sent you to me because she had heard my darkest fears, my biggest dreams, and my silent pleas in the night. That I didn’t want to be lonely, that I wanted a family once again. And that I wanted a woman to love me so bad that it hurt, and not because I forced her, but because she wanted to. And baby, I got you and now you got me. Sarah sent me you and Ellie so I could be happy and not be so lonely anymore.”

With a shaky breath Joel continued, opening his heart even wider for you to see. “I've made mistakes darlin’, said and done the wrong thing most of the time. Hell, I’ve yelled at you and sometimes have treated you horrible, for that I’m sorry. But I'm scared. I'm scared to lose both you and Ellie. I love that kid over there like I was the one who created her, like she was my own daughter. And I view you as if you were her mother and my-” Joel shook his head, feeling the burn in the back of his throat hit as he struggled to say that he viewed you as his wife.

“Te Amo Joel. I love you” you said, softly towards Joel while holding his hand. Now that you said it, you hoped that he'd say it back. You just wanted him to say it to you in English, to tell you that he in fact did love you, and not just hint at it anymore. You wanted to hear those three words from him. But you never expected him to say what he was about to with you.

After a moment of looking at you he smiled, while looking down at your hands. He gently squeezed them to remind himself that you were still here. Then he looked up into your eyes and said, “Ah hell woman, marry me please? I know it's not conventional, but this ring I got you, it goes on your left ring finger baby and I-. Shit. I-I want you in this life and the next, ok. I promise I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. Te amo baby, it means I love you. I love ya woman, so damn much. And I know I don't deserve it but I'm askin’ anyways. Marry me honey, please, make me the happiest man and I promise I’ll-”

It was in that moment that you crashed your lips hard to Joel’s mouth. You wanted to shut up his rambling but also show him that you were so happy. That was what the feeling was in your chest right now, happiness, something that you didn’t think you could ever feel or again. As you kissed Joel, a million thoughts were running through your head. You never thought he'd say any of this to you ever. But when you looked inside yourself you knew you loved this man more than anything. Yeah sure, he was cold, moody, and a complete ass sometimes. He hasn’t always done or said the right thing, but he has been there and protected you when other people should have but didn’t, or when others had walked away. To you, that meant more than anything, that he’d stay and was truly committed to you.

When you pulled away from the quick kiss you said out loud “yes. Yes Joel. Te amo baby, te amo. I'll marry you.” And with that admission Joel crashed his lips hard onto your mouth. There was nothing gentle about this kiss that he gave you, it was like the flood gates finally opened and Joel gave you his entire heart and soul right here and now. The kiss said everything that the two of you haven't been able to say to each other. That you both needed each other and that you both were there for each other.

When you gently parted your mouth for a breath, Joel licked into it in a way that a husband claimed his wife. It was heady and needy. Both of you kissed each other fervently, finally allowing the dam to break between you two. You both were lost in the moment, feeling the passion rise up between you that you had forgotten that Ellie was still in the room. All of a sudden you heard a heavy sigh followed by a smartass teenage girl.

“Look here assholes, I ain't wantin’ to watch you two fuck, so can you both tone it down for the kid in the room, please. Joel, you promised me we could have more Christmas cookies and then tell more stories. Come on.” Ellie said, exhaling loudly.

Joel pulled away and snapped saying “Ellie, language.” He fully pulled apart from you, placing the ring on your left ring finger, then gave you a chaste kiss on the mouth while whispering, “we'll continue this discussion later baby.” You gently nodded in return.

The three of you then sat around the fire telling funny stories to Ellie about Christmas. Joel told the classic tale of ‘A Christmas Story’ for the first time to Ellie, something that he still remembered by heart as it was Sarah’s favorite Christmas story. Both Ellie and you eventually fell asleep on the floor, heads touching at the top and holding hands as a family as you both looked up at Joel, listening to him tell the story.

Even after knowing you two fell asleep, Joel continued reciting the story until it was done. When he was finished he grabbed blankets from the bedroom and tucked both you and Ellie in. Smiling to himself he laid down on the couch, content at having a family once again. Joel was relieved that his family, even though unconventional, loved him fully in return. As sleep slowly crept up, he found himself turning to one side and staring at the low light of the Christmas tree. This time, it was as if he could see her again yet again, his Sarah, just sitting down and smiling at him. His heart felt full today, something that hadn’t happened since the last Christmas he had with his daughter, about 20 years ago. As Joel slowly drifted off to sleep he swore he heard Sarah say to him ‘Merry Christmas Dad, here's my Christmas wish for you. For you to have a family once again. And always remember, that I love you.’

-End Chapter-

A/N: This one was a heck of a roller coaster to write on so many emotional levels. These three will be back in the future, got some fun things planned for them. Enjoy, and be sure to check out my other series and one shots in my Master list.

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

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zyonsay · 11 months ago

Note

Hi i’m the one who made the long request (sorry if it was too long).

if you still want to write it the reader’s job is the same, but the request is lando x male reader (smut) where the reader receives an award (oscar or grammy you can choose) and they come home partying in their way

thank you so much and sorry again if the previous request was too long :)

Viva Valentino Baby! LN4

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: You and Lando celebrate

Reader: Male

Warnings: Smut, Pet name: Star/Baby

Now playing: 'West Coast' by Lana del Rey

AN: Hey love! Im sorry for taking so long! I hope you like it :] Also i just figured out how to nicely put pictures into a post and i'll be re-formatting all my fics later, wish me luck! (Nvm i fucked up, does anybody know how tf to do that?)

“And the grammy for Album of the year goes to…”, the man looked around the crowd while slowly unfolding the envelope in his hands. The ten nominees anxiously looked around, amidst them were you, gripping onto the edge of your seat. Your nails basically dug into the cushioning.

“Y/n with the album ‘Viva Valentino’!”, your heart stopped. The masses of people around you turned their heads to look at you. It all became a blurry mess but a hand on your thigh pulled you out of your haze. To your right was your boyfriend Lando, who was cheering and pumping his fist in the air. He pulled you into a quick kiss before motioning you to go on stage. You smiled at him before hurrying to collect your award. What you didn’t see was that Lando’s eyes had tears of joy in them. He clasped his hands together and smiled while watching your award being laid into your hands. Quickly patting the pockets of his pants, he fished out his phone to take pictures or a video. With tears welling in your eyes, you approached the microphone. “This is crazy.”, your eyes danced across the crowd. Loud cheering erupted and the giant LED screens behind you displayed various pictures of you from concerts and your latest tour. “I thank each and every artist on this planet.”, once again the masses of people interrupted your speech with clapping and cheering. A sweet laugh escaped your throat as the tears finally left your eyes. “Thank you all for keeping art alive!”, you held your grammy skywards and now the cheering got more intense and roamed through the whole crowd.

The celebrations took longer than expected, but here you were. Straddling Lando in his 765LT Spider who was already parked in the garage. The atmosphere was burning and the only sounds ringing through the car were occasional whimpers and heavy breaths. His hands laid firmly atop your hips as he gently grinded up into you. With a few gasps in between kisses you sucked sweet blackberry hickeys onto his neck.

“Baby let’s get inside. The car’s a bit small for this.”, you could feel the grin in his voice. With a soft hum you slid back to the passenger’s side. Once you and your boyfriend had exited the car he put a hand on your hip and pulled you inside the house. Lando was known for his short patience, he didn’t want to walk all the way to the bedroom. As if.

He made quick work of his shirt and pants, leaving him in his navy boxers. Tossing them aside he pushed you onto the couch. Kneeling before you he fiddled with your belt while gazing up at you. “Take that shirt off.” A warm sensation ran over your skin as you threw your dress shirt over the backrest of the designer couch Lando had bought earlier this year. Maybe it was champagne or maybe it was the dim light, but his eyes looked like they were glowing. His pupils were blown out but there was still a beautiful green ring around them. His hands ran over your now bare legs while he tugged your briefs aside, revealing your already leaking member.

With gentle hands he slowly stroked it, earning a groan from you. “I’ll spoil you today, my star”, he licked a long stripe from the base of your cock to the tip and licked away the salty pearl of precum. With a heaving chest and trembling hands, you brought a hand to his hair, tangling your fingers with his soft curls. “Don’t tease me Lan”, your voice was quiet, but dangerous. He let out a light chuckle before taking centimeter by centimeter into his mouth. He gagged lightly as it hit the back of his throat. A light tug at his hair motivated him to begin moving. With a fairly slow pace he bobbed up and down the length of your cock. He ran his tongue along the veins and gripped onto your thighs with both hands. With the firmness that he was holding them he’ll for sure leave bruises, but you didn’t mind. The warm feeling in your stomach began stirring and boiling. “Faster”, you tugged on his locks again while you whispered sharply. Lando wasn’t one to deny your order and obeyed with tears pricking in his eyes. The warm feeling spread over your stomach to your back and down your limbs. You gently bucked into Lando’s mouth as he increased his pace. Now all the heat ran up your limbs, over your back and to your stomach- “Swallow.” - and with that, think ropes of creamy cum spurted down Lando’s throat. You held him in place with your hand, making him swallow every last drop. He sighed happily, caressing your thighs with his hand. With a gentle ‘plop’ he released your length. He licked his sweet lips and got up from the floor. In a quick movement he got rid of his, now wet, boxers. Carefully straddling you, he connected his lips to your neck. “Let me take care of you, star.”

#male reader insert #male x male #f1 fanfic #f1 x male reader #male reader #f1 x reader #reader insert #x reader #x male reader #male!reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando norris #ZyonsRequests #gay

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cherienymphe · 2 years ago

Text

Amnesiac X (Rafe Cameron x Reader x JJ Maybank)

WARNINGS: eventual NON-CON, mentions of abuse, mentions of past assault, drunk driving, mentions of loss of virginity, underage drinking, drug use, non canon ages, kook!reader

➥ banner by @maysdigitalarts | divider by @firefly-graphics

Here is the much anticipated Ch. 10!

➥ series masterlist

summary: “There’s something wrong with your love story, baby…”

After a surfing accident leaves you with little to no memory of everything that happened before that day, you start to wonder if the blond in what little memories you do have is the same one who claims to be your boyfriend.

“Um…this is the best I’ve got.”

JJ was very awkward around you, offering the oversized t-shirt to you, lips pressed together. Your skin was still damp from your shower, practically scrubbed raw. You had spent over an hour in the shower, dragging your nails and the cloth over your body, paying no mind to the blood you drew. Even now, you could still feel Rafe on you, and under the spray of water, you had only wanted to get him off.

You shuddered, and you knew it had nothing to do with your damp skin and the cool air.

“Thanks,” you whispered, taking it from him.

He clearly didn’t know what else to say, and so he left you alone to get dressed. You glanced around, never having been to JJ’s house before. He’d made an offhanded comment that his dad wasn’t home, and you had been relieved about that for more reasons than one. You’d heard enough about JJ’s dad to know that was a man you never wanted to meet.

When you came out of his room, JJ had a small glass of water, and he cleared his throat.

“Here…”

You didn’t think you were that thirsty until you swallowed it all in one go. JJ didn’t hesitate to get you another, and you sank down onto the couch.

“Are you okay?” he wondered, standing over you.

“My best friend tried to rape me,” you dryly said, taking a sip. “What do you think?”

JJ nodded to himself, running his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, that was a stupid question.”

“No, it’s…it’s fine. I doubt you’ve been put in this position before,” you sighed. “Leave it to me to associate with horrible people.”

JJ made a noise in the back of his throat, and you looked up.

“This isn’t your fault.”

You looked back down, tightening your hand around the glass. You felt differently. Rafe was always an asshole, always so cruel to whoever he deemed worthy of it, and you had just accepted it as who he was instead of recognizing it as the very concerning personality flaw it was. Even still, all this time, you thought that Rafe was your friend.

“Thank you, by the way,” you told him.

JJ frowned at you before hesitantly sitting beside you.

“You don’t…you don’t have to thank me for that,” he said with a shake of his head.

“I mean…I know I’m not your favorite person.”

Rafe’s words still left you bitter, and you swallowed.

“So that means I’m supposed to let you get hurt?”

You ignored how JJ didn’t refute your statement, and you blinked back more tears.

“No,” you sighed. “That’s not what I’m saying. Just…thank you.”

JJ didn’t respond, and you watched him as he stood.

He reminded you of Rafe in so many ways, but nicer, and you wanted to laugh to yourself. So many times, you had imagined being alone with JJ, doing the most mundane things and just talking to him. You couldn’t even rejoice in this because of the circumstances, and you drank the rest of your water, looking around.

“I know it’s not what you’re used to on Figure 8, but you can sleep in my room.”

His words had you frowning at him, and you looked away, those final words from Rafe making more tears fall.

“I’m not some spoiled Kook princess!”

JJ seemed shocked by your outburst, and he raised his hands, mouth opening, but you continued.

“I’ve never been anything but nice to you and everyone else is perfectly fine with me, but every time I’ve tried to be your friend, you made it clear that you want no parts.”

“I didn’t-.”

“I know you think I’m this spoiled rich bitch who looks down on people from The Cut,” you said, standing now. “I know what you think of me.”

JJ shoved his hands into his pockets, preferring to let you finish.

“I long accepted it, but God do you really think I’d have the nerve to judge anything about you after what you did for me? You really think I’m that…terrible?”

As the silence stretched, it became clear to JJ that you wanted an actual answer. He at least had the decency to look shameful as he sighed.

“You’re right.”

You looked away.

“I was just trying to lighten the mood, but you’re right. That was unnecessary.”

“I’m a good person, JJ.”

He frowned at the way your voice cracked, and he stepped towards you.

“I know you are.”

“…but you treat me like I’m not.”

He looked like he wanted to say more but thought better of it.

“I’ll uh…I’ll take the couch,” was all he said, and you felt disappointed for some reason.

When it became clear that nothing else was going to be said, you made your way to his room. It smelled just like JJ, and for some reason, that made you cry again. You had thrown up everything in your stomach earlier, but when you thought about Rafe, you wanted to be sick all over again. You had been saved by the last person you ever expected, and you cried yourself to sleep in his bed.

You heard someone gently calling your name, and you blinked.

The figure before you was blurry and familiar, and when the colors finally separated to paint a clear picture, you rubbed your eyes. Sarah stood in front of you with a deep frown, looking over you with a look you couldn’t place.

“I went by your house, and your mom said you hadn’t been by in a while.”

A while.

You wondered how many mothers would describe their daughter’s weeks long absence like that?

“Have you been here the whole time?”

You struggled to sit up, the alcohol in your system making for the perfect nap before Sarah woke you up. Sarah looked between you and JJ, the other blond leaning against his wall with his arms crossed over his chest. You supposed it was kind of a lie. You had been by your house to get some things, but seeing as you didn’t want to run into Rafe, you’d been hiding out here. Your mom just had no knowledge if it.

“Uh…yeah,” you sighed. “Things aren’t the best at home, so…”

You knew what Sarah was thinking as her nose scrunched. Why didn’t you crash at her place? Or Kie’s? Or even Pope’s? JJ’s indifferent attitude towards you was no secret, so for her to find you on his couch of all places was definitely odd.

“Wait, what?” Sarah knelt before you, worried. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

She blinked at that, glancing at JJ again.

“Are you sure…?”

The hurt in Sarah’s voice was evident, and you understood why. She was your best friend, and while she didn’t know what it was, it was clear to her that something was very wrong if you were sleeping on JJ’s couch. You slowly blinked, nodding.

At that, Sarah leaned in, looking at you more closely.

“Are you drunk? JJ is she drunk?”

“Sarah, I’m fine. I just had a few beers…”

It was more than a few.

Sarah looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead she left you, jerking her head at JJ as she went. He reluctantly followed, and with difficulty, you stood, moving closer to the door.

“She’s not okay. What’s going on?”

JJ was quiet for a while, and you worried that he’d tell her what you made him promise not to tell anyone.

“Home stuff. That’s all I know.”

“You’re lying,” she accused. “Even if it was just home stuff…Y/N’s never been much of a drinker. Never, and now she’s passed out drunk in the middle of the day?”

JJ sighed.

“Whatever’s wrong with her, that’s not going to help,” she hissed.

“I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do,” he told her.

“Enabling bad coping mechanisms isn’t any better.”

Her voice was cold, and as the silence stretched, you knew that she had left on her bike.

You looked down as you thought about Sarah’s words, swallowing. The past few weeks were more of a blur than you wanted to admit, filled with more alcohol than you’d ever had in your lifetime. And JJ. Oddly enough, the blond had become something like a friend.

His dad was rarely home, something that both relieved and saddened you. He never pushed you to talk in detail about what happened, but sometimes you’d catch him throwing worried glances towards you. He talked to you more than he ever had, and part of you hated it because you knew it was only because he pitied you. On the other hand, the pathetic part of you didn’t care what the reason was.

“She’s mad at me,” you told him when he came back inside. “We tell each other everything…”

“She’s not-.”

“She is,” you slurred with a nod. “…but how can I tell her that her own brother tried to rape me?”

It was the first time you’d brought it up since that night, and JJ’s gaze was on you. You didn’t know if you just needed to cry after not doing so for weeks, or if it was the alcohol, but your eyes watered.

“Hey…” JJ moved closer, clearly seeing the emotion on your face. “You’re okay.”

You frowned, staring at the floor.

“He was my best friend,” you murmured to yourself. “…and when I didn’t like him back, he tried to rape me.”

JJ softly called your name, and you sniffed.

“…but I always knew he was an asshole. Why did I think I was so different?”

JJ was quiet for a moment before finally speaking.

“You thought he was your friend. That’s not your fault,” he told you.

“We grew up together. We literally grew up together, and did everything together,” you were rambling. “…and at the end of the day, I wasn’t his friend. I was just something else that belonged to him.”

You pressed your hands to the sides of your head, vision blurring and chest tightening.

“Why wasn’t it enough?”

JJ knelt before you now, trying to take your hands. He was calling your name again, but you ignored him, deep in your own head as insecurities you didn’t even realize you had started to surface.

“Maybe…maybe that’s all I’m good for.”

“Hey.”

“I’m not very smart, and I’m clearly a poor judge of character-.”

“Y/N,” JJ interrupted, moving to sit beside you.

“I’m a spoiled Kook who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth, and I’m going to end up just like my mom…”

“Okay, stop it,” JJ took your face into his hands, a deep frown on his face.

“I am,” you sobbed. “That’s all I seem to be good for. To be on some asshole’s arm like a trophy, going to stuffy parties, and-.”

“Shut up,” JJ snapped, shaking you. “Rafe’s shitty, and just because he didn’t value you as a friend, it doesn’t mean he was right to.”

“…but…you didn’t value me as a friend either.”

JJ’s face fell at your words, and you shrugged.

“You barely liked me as a person,” you whispered.

JJ’s shoulders heaved, and he looked sheepish.

“I was judge-y…and you were a Kook.”

“I’m still a Kook,” you reminded him.

JJ chuckled.

“You’ve been slumming it with me for weeks,” he said. “I wouldn’t exactly call you a Kook anymore.”

That made you chuckle too, and JJ licked his lips.

“…and I was wrong for doing that,” he admitted, and you eyed him. “I always thought you wouldn’t stick around and go back to your side of the island for good.”

You played with your fingers.

“I don’t think I ever want to go back to my side of the island,” you told him.

You both knew that wasn’t possible, but you could dream. You felt JJ brush your face, wiping your tears away, and your heart skipped a beat.

“You should really tell someone what Rafe did. You should go to Shoupe.”

“Ward is the reason Shoupe has the job he does now,” you confessed, glancing up. “Nothing happens to guys like Rafe.”

“Y/N-.”

“They’ll just say I was drunk, or I lead him on or…because nothing sexual actually took place, what is there to prove?”

JJ looked sad for you, and you let out a bitter laugh.

“He gets to go on living his life while I’m stuck trying to heal mine.”

Your head fell to JJ’s shoulder, and you laughed again. He smelled so much like the ocean water to you, and as much as you hated Rafe for what he did, it had brought you closer to JJ, had made him your friend, something you had long given up on.

For the first time in what felt like a while, you were actually sober.

And you were beyond grateful too.

JJ’s hand was on the back of your neck, holding you to him as he moved his lips against yours. His other hand was on your lower back, fingers brushing your skin as you sat in his lap. You used to dream about this, and just when you made peace with only ever being friends with JJ, thankful for even that, he’d said something that you thought you’d never hear.

“You’re too pretty to cry over assholes like Rafe.”

The words had shocked you, and the smile that he’d given you made your heart race. You hadn’t even meant to kiss him, your body taking on a mind of it’s own, but whatever worries you had melted away when he didn’t push you away.

“Are you sure?” he’d murmured against your lips.

You knew why he was asking, and to prove to him that you were okay, you wrapped your arms around his neck. Kissing JJ was exactly like what you thought it’d be. His lips were soft and sweet from his juul pen, and when you decided that you hated the way he was kissing you like you’d break, you pushed him towards the couch. His fingers kneaded into your skin, making you shudder, and he sighed into your mouth.

Your bliss was cut short when you both heard a noise outside, and it took you a moment to remember where you were. You were off of JJ and fixing your shirt just as Pope and John B. made themselves known, striding inside like they lived there.

“Sarah said you’d probably be here,” Pope commented, plopping down beside JJ. “I like killing two birds with one stone.”

“We’re chillin’ in the cat’s ass tonight,” John B said, lightly slapping JJ’s arm. “We rarely see both of you these days.”

Guilt ate at you, and you looked down. JJ was their friend first, and you were keeping him away because of your own bullshit. It felt so selfish once you were confronted with it, and you spoke up before JJ did.

“That’s my fault,” you laughed. “Stupid family drama, but yeah, I could use a night in a hot tub.”

You could feel JJ’s worried gaze on you, but you ignored it. Your life had to get back to normal at some point, and nothing seemed better to you than hanging out at the Chateau with your friends. Your real friends. You didn’t have a bathing suit with you, but you texted Kie because you knew she’d have an extra one.

“Are you sure about this?” JJ asked, sliding up beside you while Pope and John B. were talking.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod. “I can’t hide away from the rest of our friends forever.”

“You don’t have to force yourself,” he told you.

You knew that JJ was just worried, and you appreciated it.

“I promise. I’m okay.”

Your reassurance wasn’t in vain.

Being around the rest of your friends did make you feel better. They were filling you in on things you’d missed, Pope laughing as he recounted the first time he got high. You weren’t going to lie, you did hate that you missed that. You were perfectly okay…until Sarah brought up the one person you never wanted to talk about again.

“I swear to God, it’s like him and our dad are constantly at each other’s throats these days,” she said. “I mean, they regularly argue, but not like this.”

Your gaze was focused on the water, and you felt JJ’s fingers graze yours below the surface.

“Rafe is drinking more, partying more, and I’m afraid to think of how much money he’s wasted on coke.”

“Sounds like classic Rafe to me,” JJ mumbled, trying to dismiss the subject.

“Something’s definitely wrong with him,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “I know you haven’t talked to him in a while, but if anyone would know, it’d be you.”

She was looking at you now, and all you could offer was a shrug.

“Rafe and I aren’t friends anymore, so I wouldn’t know anything about his life, right now.”

You said it so casually, and you ignored the way Sarah’s eyes widened, a frown on her face.

“What?” she said, a chorus of echoes going around the hot tub as everyone else had the same thought.

“You and Rafe not being friends is something that doesn’t make sense,” Kie said. “Although, I’m not going to pretend to be upset about it.”

She laughed, but Sarah didn’t join in.

“When did this happen, and why?”

You were beyond uncomfortable, and you didn’t really know what to say, but JJ spoke up for you.

“Who cares? Cutting Rafe off doesn’t sound like a big loss to me,” he mumbled.

Everyone else agreed, but Sarah was silent, looking between you and JJ with a small frown. Uncomfortable and wanting to let the subject go, you stood in the water.

“Does anyone else want another beer?”

Everyone raised their hands, albeit Sarah did lazily, and JJ offered to go with you.

His shoulder brushed yours as you both walked into the house. The air between you was tense for so many reasons, and you avoided his eye.

“She’ll let it go,” he promised you.

“Maybe…”

You grabbed the beers, and JJ grabbed a few from you, his fingers brushing against yours. You weren’t surprised to find his gaze on you when you glanced up, and you didn’t move away when he brushed his lips against the corner of your mouth.

Whatever this was between you and JJ was so new, and you didn’t know what it meant. You thought about JJ seeing you in this way almost since you first met, so you weren’t going to suggest stopping, but at the same time, so many factors were involved.

What if this became something that didn’t work out? How would it affect the friendship that had only just been formed? Not to mention what it could do for the entire group. Then there was the biggest problem of Rafe. Thoughts of him made you shudder, and you knew that if whatever was going on with you and JJ become public knowledge, your former best friend wouldn’t hesitate to let it be known how he felt about it.

“You okay?”

JJ pulled you from your thoughts, and you nodded at him.

“Just in my own head.”

His smile made you smile, and he briefly pressed the cold beer to your cheek.

“You should stop doing that so much,” he chuckled.

He guided you out with a hand on the small of your back, but when you neared the hot tub, it fell away, and you swallowed down a sigh of relief.

You struggled to open your eyes, a splitting pain in your head that made you wince. Colors danced behind your eyes, and there was a roaring in your ears. The faint smell of smoke reached your nose, and you scrunched it, groaning to yourself as you struggled to lift your head. Your vision fully returned the same time your hearing did, and the sound of your name reached your ears.

You both heard and felt a door opening, and that was when you realized that you were in a car. Your forehead was resting on the steering wheel, and a hand slid in between them, gently pushing your head back. The voices around you were mixing together to the point where none of them were distinguishable. A hand was on your face, and lips were at your ear, calling your name.

“Get her out!”

The loud shrieking voice was so familiar, and as you blinked, you recognized it as Sarah.

“No, no, no, something might be broken.”

Pope.

A finger opened your eyes one at a time, and you groaned.

“Y/N, can you hear me? Does anything feel broken?”

You shook your head and winced at the action. Nothing felt broken, but something definitely felt sore.

“Okay,” the voice breathed. “Hang on.”

A hand unbuckled your seatbelt, and you had trouble sitting up as they pulled you out of the seat. As soon as your feet touched the ground, you crumbled, and you would’ve hit it completely if it weren’t for familiar arms. JJ’s worried face hovered above yours, blue eyes wide as he leaned you against the car.

“Get her keys out,” Kie told someone.

You reached up and touched your head, frowning at the wetness you felt.

“We need to call an ambulance or something,” Sarah shakily said.

“…so she can spend a night in jail for a DUI?” JJ wondered.

“We don’t have to say she was driving,” she argued. “She could have a concussion.”

“Shoupe’s not stupid,” John B. whispered. “…but someone does need to make sure she’s okay.”

You wanted to tell them to stop talking about you like you weren’t there, but you couldn’t get your lips to move. You couldn’t get your head to stay up, and it lolled, grazing JJ’s shoulder. While the other four argued amongst themselves, JJ lightly tapped your face.

“You have to stay awake,” he whispered. “Baby, you have to stay awake.”

You thought you said something, but it came out an incoherent mess.

“Your cousin!”

JJ paused before you felt him relax.

“Yeah, we can take her to Ricky,” he said, the relief in his voice evident.

JJ sat you down, and you finally kept your eyes open. You realized that you were at John B.’s house, and you turned your head to stare at your car against a tree. Your eyes watered, and past the alcohol buzzed brain, you remembered climbing into the car crying and panicked. A tear escaped just as JJ took your chin into his hand.

“What is wrong with you?” he demanded, the others none the wiser to this conversation as they were by Kie’s car by now. “You could’ve killed someone.”

You swallowed.

“You could’ve killed yourself.”

You didn’t remember ever seeing JJ so angry, and more tears fell.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled.

His eyebrows rose.

“You’re so drunk you can barely walk, and you’re sorry? I thought you might’ve been dead.”

You blinked, looking past him.

Today had been a good day, surprise filling you at the desire to go home. It definitely wasn’t to see your parents, but to get some more things. Everything had been fine. Your parents hadn’t even been home, and it was so easy to get in and out without incident.

Then you’d walked outside and came face to face with a familiar truck.

You hadn’t even asked Rafe how he knew you were home. You didn’t want to know the answer. His apologies had fallen on deaf ears as you hurried to just get to your car.

“Stop and talk to me,” Rafe had screamed, grabbing your arm.

You had screamed back, shoving him away.

“Don’t you get that I want nothing to do with you? Leave me alone.”

“Your mom said you’ve barely been home in months,” he sneered as you put your stuff in your car. “Down on The Cut?”

“That is none of your business,” you threw over your shoulder.

“Are you with JJ, now? Hmm?”

You ignored him, getting into your car, but Rafe had prevented you from closing your door. You had yanked on it with tearful eyes, and Rafe glared at you.

“The only reason I’m not dragging you into my truck, right now is because of all your lovely neighbors,” he had told you, leaning in. “…but do not think for one second that you’re done with me.”

He had slammed your door closed for you, almost taking your hand off, and you sat in the car when he drove away. You couldn’t even remember how long you had sat in your car, crying and hating him for making you feel so helpless and scared once again.

You had consumed so much from your dad’s bar that you didn’t even remember getting behind the wheel. Let alone driving to The Cut.

After Ricky had looked you over and decided that you only had a small concussion, you had leaned against JJ in the back of Kie’s car. He hadn’t said much to you since he chewed you out, and you supposed that you couldn’t blame him. Sarah and Pope had helped you inside, keeping your body upright and guiding you.

When Sarah settled you down on John B.’s bed, she sighed.

“What’s going on with you?” she quietly wondered.

“Nothing,” you lied with a shrug. “I just had too much to drink.”

She was frowning, and you spoke again.

“Where’s JJ?”

Sarah’s face fell, and she bit her lip.

“You know that you can talk to me too…”

Her voice was quiet, and you swallowed, looking towards the ceiling.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

You felt bad, but you didn’t think you’d ever be able to tell her what Rafe did. He was her brother, after all, and even though their relationship was rocky, she still loved him. He still meant something to her, and you didn’t know if you could muster the courage to be the one to break that.

Sarah stared at you for a while before nodding. She squeezed your arm before walking out. You could hear her talking to JJ, and when he walked in, your eyes were apologetic. By the look on his face, he was still mad at you, but he still came to sit beside you.

“I ran into Rafe when I went home,” you told him.

His entire visage shifted, and he shuffled closer, hand resting on your forehead.

“What?” he breathed.

“He…he’s never going to leave me alone, and… I can’t hide out here forever,” you whispered.

JJ leaned over you, stroking your face. He looked angry enough for the both of you, and more tears fell.

“Did he touch you?”

Your silence was answer enough, and you watched JJ’s jaw clench.

“I hate him,” you cried, and JJ pulled your head into his lap. “I hate him so much.”

JJ’s fingers danced over your face, and your eyes rested on the necklace around his neck, fighting to stay awake.

“I told my mom that I’ve been staying at Kie’s,” you told him, smiling into the kiss.

Your legs were wrapped around him, chest arching up into his. His skin was warm against yours, your shirts tossed somewhere you didn’t even care to remember. Months of stolen kisses and hidden moments had finally led to the inevitable, and you were eager to feel him inside of you.

“I doubt she believes you.”

You pulled back, frowning at him, and there was a small smirk on his pink lips.

“First of all, you’re the worst liar,” JJ laughed. “…and…I’m pretty sure she hears me sneaking in your window.”

You pressed your lips together. JJ reached up to play with the necklace around your neck, brushing over the shark tooth.

“She definitely knows its me you come to see.”

With your life getting somewhat back to normal, JJ didn’t like you being on Figure 8 without him much. He spent more days in your room than you’d care to admit, and the time you used to spend getting drunk were spent hanging out with JJ. If you weren’t talking then you were helping him work on his bike or he was pressing the most delicate kisses over your face.

At some point, it became clear between the both of you that this wasn’t some casual fling. Your feelings for him had never been casual to begin with, but you’d been prepared to get any part of him that you could. You had accepted that this whole thing might not amount to anything, and as much as it hurt to think about, it was better than not having JJ, at all.

Somewhere along the way though, JJ stopped acting like a friend who you’d occasionally kiss sometimes and more like a boyfriend. He started sleeping in his bed with you instead of on the couch. He’d stand behind you, arms around you as you attempted to make something to eat. Sometimes you’d just catch him staring at you, not saying anything at all, and when you’d ask him what was wrong, he’d just shake his head.

If you had any doubt before, it was gone the day he took off his black shark tooth necklace and put it on you instead.

“You’re always staring at it,” he’d told you when you asked why. “So, I want you to have it instead.”

“Thanks,” you had murmured, unsure of what else to say as you touched it. “…but you don’t have to. It’s yours. You’re always wearing it, so it means a lot and-.”

“…and you mean a lot to me.”

You swallowed the rest of your words at that, eyes widening.

“And I want you to wear it.”

He hadn’t said it in plain words then, but it was clear between you both what you were to him. Even if no one else knew.

As he kissed along your throat, you thought about just being open about your relationship. You knew your friends would support you both, and it would make everything so much easier. No more sneaking around, no more lies, and no more fear of being found out. However, you were a coward.

You tried to call it anything but what it was, but it was the truth.

Rafe terrified you beyond belief, and he was so unhinged that you didn’t know what he’d do if he found out you and JJ were dating. Not to mention, your mom’s disapproval was always enough to make you shrink in on yourself. Your parents would be furious, and despite the fact that you were eighteen, you just didn’t have what it took to stand up to her.

Goosebumps erupted over your flesh as JJ’s fingers ghosted over you, and you sighed when he nipped at your skin. You’d been too drunk to even remember your first time, and it was something you always regretted, but was relieved about in the same breath. Not remembering made it easier to pretend like JJ was your first. You would rather it had been him anyway.

“JJ.”

He hummed, climbing back up your body. He kissed you, touching his lips to your chin as you spoke.

“I told you that I wasn’t a virgin…”

His eyes met yours, and his expression softened.

“If you are, it’s okay. You didn’t have to-.”

“I didn’t lie,” you told him. “…but I don’t really remember it.”

He looked worried, now.

“It was with some Kook, and we were both really drunk,” you admitted. “Sometimes I wish that I had waited, but sometimes I’m glad that I can’t really remember.”

JJ touched your face, a comforting smile on his lips.

“Well…I’ll make sure you remember this time.”

You returned his smile, kissing him.

Sex with JJ was fun. It wasn’t that you thought you wouldn’t enjoy it, but you didn’t expect it to be so fun. Sometimes you’d find yourself laughing at the way his fingers danced over your sides, but then you’d immediately whimper at the feel of him thrusting into you. He held you so tight that it was a wonder you didn’t break, and he loved to watch you squirm, thumb brushing over you while stretching you out.

His breathing was heavy in your ear, blond hair brushing your skin, and he held you against him. Your legs were wrapped around his waist, ankles hooked behind his back, and your nails scraped along his sheets. You both had just come back from a swim, and the salt of the ocean rested on his skin whenever you tasted him.

Time didn’t mean anything to either of you, finding yourself in his lap and pushing yourself down onto him. He kept his lips at your throat, kissing you and trailing his hands over your back. You were so hot, but you didn’t even care, just wanting to be as close to him as possible. The shark tooth was cool against your skin, and you twisted your hand into JJ’s fair locks.

When you came around him for a second time, your face was buried into the crook of his neck. You shook in his arms, holding onto him tight as you told him how much you loved him. JJ shuddered in your arms at the sound, pulling you into a kiss as he told you the same.

You were startled by a tap on your window, whipping around and holding your towel to you tight. You visibly relaxed when you faced JJ, and you hurried to slide your window up, helping him inside. As you did, something caught your attention, and your throat went dry at the sight of the ugly bruising on his arm.

“JJ…”

Your voice was small, and JJ’s gaze followed yours before he casually waved you off. He pulled you into a kiss before you could say anything else, your face in his hands. When he pulled away, he brushed past you, and you worriedly eyed him.

“I had to see you,” he told you.

His voice sounded off, and you slowly approached him.

“You know you can come by and see me anytime.”

He nodded, sitting on your bed. You both were quiet for a while, you watching him and JJ watching his feet.

“My dad found some of your clothes,” he finally admitted. “He knows you’ve been staying over a lot.”

You knew all about JJ’s dad, and you had a sinking feeling in your stomach at his words.

“Was he mad?”

Your boyfriend chuckled to himself, and it lacked humor.

“You could say that.”

Your chest heaved a bit, and you swallowed before finally kneeling before him.

“Let me see,” you said, reaching for his shirt.

“Y/N, no, it’s fine,” he argued, stopping you.

Your eyes met his, and yours were tearful. His were pleading.

“Why won’t you let me see?”

JJ sighed, taking your hands into his.

“…because I don’t want you to see that.”

Your heart broke, and as much as you wanted to fight him on it, you also wanted to respect his decision.

“You can stay here,” you said, changing the subject as you stood. “You have some things here anyway.”

You went to one of your drawers, pulling out a t-shirt he’d left over. You looked around, certain that there were some boxer shorts too.

“You should take a shower,” you told him, handing him his clothes.

He quietly took them, but before you could step away, he wrapped his arms around you, resting his head against your stomach. He was so quiet, and you ran your fingers through his hair.

“Come with me?” he mumbled.

You were literally still in your towel from your own shower, but you knew that he didn’t just want you in there with him. He needed you at his side, right now. You pulled him to his feet, walking him to your bathroom. You made sure that your bedroom door was locked before finally joining him in the shower.

When he faced you, you paused, sharply inhaling at the sight of fresh bruises on his torso. Your mouth parted, and your eyes watered, and JJ was the one trying to comfort you.

“I’m okay,” he reassured you. “Nothing I haven’t delt with before.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” you choked out.

You had never had the urge to kill before, the closest thing being Rafe, but in this moment, you were sure you could dump JJ’s dad’s body in the ocean and not even blink. JJ pressed his lips to yours, and you weakly kissed him back.

You were sure that JJ’s favorite thing to do with you was shower together. He’d drunkenly told you once that he thought it was more intimate than sex. Then you had laughed at JJ saying the word ‘intimate’. He liked cleaning you and rubbing soap into your skin and drying you off like a cat afterwards. As you gently brushed soap over his bruised skin, you couldn’t pull your eyes away.

Before he could stop you, you leaned in and pressed your lips to the bruises. JJ flinched, but when you started to pull away, afraid that you had hurt him, he stopped you. You looked up, smiling at him as he touched your hair. When you were both done, JJ grabbed a towel that was big enough to be wrapped around both of you, giggling into his skin as he shuffled you both into your room.

You pulled on one of your old shirts, stopping him before he could do the same.

“I should put something on that,” you told him.

JJ quietly protested, but you ignored him. The smile he gave you was sweet, and he rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath and only wincing a bit when you rubbed some cream into his skin.

“I’ll kill him if you ask me to,” you murmured, glancing up at him.

“I would never ask you to,” he replied. “Just like I know you’d never ask me to kill Rafe.”

You pursed your lips at that, loathed to admit it. When JJ put his shirt on, you climbed into bed with him, turning off your lamp. You were cautious about laying on him, opting to face him instead. You always felt so much safer when JJ was around, paranoid that with him absent, Rafe would just climb through your window one night. You had no doubt that he would if he ever found out about you and JJ.

As if he read your mind, JJ finally spoke in the darkness.

“When are we going to tell everyone?”

It was a topic that had been brought up before, and it made your chest ache every time. JJ wanted to tell the world that you were his, and while you definitely wanted the same, he didn’t know that Rafe had threatened him and whatever relationship you had with him. You weren’t strong enough to stand up to your former best friend.

Nor your parents.

You knew they wouldn’t approve of JJ, and until you grew the balls to tell your mom to go fuck herself, you didn’t see the point in putting JJ through that.

“JJ…we’ve talked about that.”

He knew about some of your concerns coupled with a few lies.

“They won’t care,” he reassured you.

“I know they won’t,” you told him, referring to your friends. “…but I’m just really scared about making things weird.”

“Kie and Pope are dating.”

“…but we all saw that coming from a mile away. A year ago, everyone was convinced that you hated me.”

JJ chuckled at that, but it was the truth. Even John B. had commented on how JJ hadn’t quite taken to you, and you had never imagined a day where JJ would actually be your friend, let alone your boyfriend. JJ was a great boyfriend, and you didn’t want to lose him. Whether that be through your own inability to stand up to your parents…or Rafe.

“I’m happy with how things are, right now.”

It wasn’t the whole truth, and on some level, you were sure that JJ sensed that.

Your chest was heavy as you trekked across the beach, your surfboard under your arm. The wind was picking up around you, but you paid it no mind, too focused on JJ and your last conversation with him. Your vision was blurry from your tears, and seeing as JJ made it clear he didn’t want to talk to you, you took it upon yourself to get your mind off of it.

It wasn’t like you had anyone to blame but yourself.

JJ was perfectly reasonable in asking to tell everyone about you two…and he was just as reasonable in not putting faith into your excuses.

“If you care about me as much as you say you do, then you’d believe that nothing about us could make anything weird with the group.”

It hurt to hear him say that, but he wasn’t wrong.

“You’re right,” you had told him. “You are, but…that’s not the only reason I’m not ready yet.”

Your parents had left on a cruise only a day ago, and you should’ve known that something was up when JJ didn’t even want to come inside, preferring to talk on your steps.

“What? Is it Rafe?”

You didn’t respond, and he continued.

“Did he say something else to you? Is he threatening you?” he demanded, and you could tell by the look on his face that if you confirmed that, he wouldn’t hesitate to track the asshole down.

You wanted both you and JJ to stay as far away from Rafe as possible. You didn’t want to give him a reason to get into another fight with your former friend.

“No,” you lied. “I-.”

“Then what?”

You pressed your lips together.

“Is it your parents?”

“JJ…”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

The question took you by surprise, and you blinked.

“What? No!”

“Are you sure that’s not it?”

“Why would you even think that?”

Now you found yourself getting more angry than sad, hurt that JJ would even think that of you. He spread his arms out, expectantly looking at you.

“What else am I supposed to think? Seeing each other in secret was fun at first when we didn’t even know what this was yet, but I love you, and you don’t even wanna tell our friends about us.”

You didn’t want it getting back to Rafe.

“I just need more time,” you weakly said, and JJ frowned.

“It’s been months…almost a year,” he quietly argued.

“I know that, but-.”

“But what? I have a girlfriend that I can even act like a boyfriend with in public,” he said more to himself.

The chuckle he let out lacked humor, and you stepped closer to him.

“Was I wrong about you?”

Your heart dropped.

“I thought you were one of us,” he said. “…and I thought you thought that too, but maybe you still see yourself as that Kook princess who really does belong on this side of the island with a boyfriend that her parents will approve of.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that, and you looked away, blinking back tears.

“Is that what you think of me?”

Your eyes had met his again, and you couldn’t tell what JJ was really thinking.

“I don’t know what to think, and you’re giving me nothing to go on, right now. Nada.”

“That’s not true…”

“Then what’s stopping you? Why am I standing here and begging my girlfriend to not sneak around with me anymore?”

When you didn’t answer, JJ shook his head, rolling his eyes. He shoved his hands into his pocket, and you walked towards him as he back up.

“When you are ready to tell people about us, whenever that is, let me know.”

“JJ,” you sighed, tilting your head, but he ignored you.

“Until then…”

Your face fell when he turned his back on you, and you followed him, calling his name. He didn’t turn around once, and with Rafe in the back of your mind, you knew you couldn’t give him the answer he wanted, right now. You watched JJ walk away, and as much as you wanted to force him to stay, his hurt had been obvious. Deciding to give him time to cool off, and give yourself time to really think about things, you had forced yourself to go back inside.

#dark!rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x kook!reader #dark!Rafe Cameron #Rafe Cameron #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x reader #JJ maybank #obx fic #outer banks fanfiction

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scarabsinthestardust · 1 day ago

Text

Tender // Ch. 4

MASTERLIST

word count: 2200+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: language; mentions of drinking/alcoholism; arguing/one-sided arguments; depression; anxiety; unspecified undiagnosed mental illness; tiny little spoiler for Better in the Morning, but nothing that will be a shock to readers that are caught up on it

The trouble with things going smoothly is that one tends to get complacent. They get comfortable and let their guard down. They make mistakes and people suffer for it, mostly the ones they never wanted to hurt in the first place.

Josh and I have been going strong for the last six months. We’ve not so much as bickered since the first argument. He’s somehow convinced me, on some uncertain level, that maybe I do deserve this happiness. The fear is still there, of course, but Josh has found a way to quell it, and suddenly I don’t feel like I’m drowning. He’s my spark, my ever-burning flame, and I think maybe I might be able to keep it from going out.

I never wanted kids, and that hasn’t changed, but watching Josh light up around them only increases my love for him. It’s no different with his new niece. He’s been fawning over Kya and Jake’s baby nonstop since she was born and has made it his life’s mission to ensure he’s the ‘favorite uncle.’ He talks about her constantly, and I’m surprisingly not put off by his incessant chattering these days. But I suppose all good things must come to an end.

We’re in his kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. Although I still have my own place, I find myself spending most of my time at his house. He’s talking a million miles a minute about his day, and his most recent visit to Kya’s. He tells me practically everything the baby did, which isn’t much considering she’s, well, a baby, but Josh is excited, so I let him have his moment. Then he says something that makes my heart stop.

“Jake said they’re probably gonna go to West Virginia soon to visit… uh, whoever you guys know up there. I thought maybe we could tag along, make it a whole family trip.”

“No. I’m not going to West Virginia.” Bile is rising in my throat at the thought, and I’m infuriated he would even suggest it.

He reaches out to touch my arm. “I mean, I’d be there with you the whole time. I think it’d be-“

“I said no.”

“I want to see where you grew up, and whatever happened out there, we can-“

The last remaining calm in me dissipates, and I snatch my arm from him, slamming my fist on the marble countertop so hard it shoots pain up to my elbow. “Drop it!”

He blinks at me in shock, and I pretend I don’t notice the way he flinches. I’ve never raised my voice like this toward him, but now the dam has broken, and I can’t stop. “Why can’t you ever just fucking leave shit alone?”

“Finn…” His voice is so small and soft that I almost feel bad. Almost.

“Stop. Fucking. Talking. For once in your life shut the fuck up. I don’t understand why you always have to keep pushing and pushing for shit you know nothing about! Maybe no one’s ever told you no, you’re so used to getting everything you want, but it doesn’t fucking work like that. And you don’t even understand one piece of what you’re prying for. So, stop acting like a spoiled fucking brat, and quit digging!”

I know he doesn’t deserve any of what I said, but the damage is already done. His eyes are filling with tears, and he takes a step away from me. His jaw tenses and he nods, refusing to look me in the eyes. “Fine. Okay.” He doesn’t argue, the first indication that I’ve truly hurt him, only turns away and disappears down the hallway.

My heart’s racing, my skin feels like it’s on fire, and I’m squeezing my fist so tightly my nails are digging into my palm. The house is too small; the walls might be closing in on me. I don’t hear anything, and Josh doesn’t come back out. I should go apologize, but it seems like such a daunting task that will only result in more confrontation, and will inevitably lead me to hurt him more. That’s the last thing I want to do, so I grab my keys, slam the door on the way out, get in my car, and drive.

I don’t have a destination, I just need to get away. It’s already dark; the bright oncoming headlights in the opposite lane make my eyes water. Or is it the guilt and anxiety? I very much wish I could go back and do things differently. Maybe it’s not too late to salvage my relationship with him, but I can’t return to him like this, when my mind is still mottled with rage. I don’t trust what I might do. Instead, I’ll do what I do best – run.

JOSHUA

When Josh told his twin he was coming over, Jake wasn’t expecting to find him with bloodshot eyes and splotchy, tear-stained cheeks. “Shit, what’s wrong?” Jake ushered him inside and directed his attention to Josh, concern painting his features.

“Finn and I got into a fight. And he didn’t come home. It’s been 24 hours. His phone’s going straight to voicemail. I checked his place, and I don’t think he’s been there either. What if something happened to him? What if-“

“Josh, calm down. I’m sure he’s fine.” Jake coaxed his brother to sit down on the couch. He gently reminded Josh to keep his voice down, so he doesn’t wake the baby. “Did he say anything before he left?”

“No. No, we argued… he was so pissed off so I tried to give him some space and he just left.” Josh didn’t want to elaborate on the details; he knew how Jake would react to Finn being the primary aggressor, and he didn’t want to make his boyfriend out to be the bad guy. He blamed himself for it anyways. “I don’t know what to do. I’m worried about him. And I checked the weather, there’s another storm coming through. What if he gets stuck out in it somewhere?”

Jake shook his head. “What are you talking about? He’s not a fucking dog, Josh. It’s just rain. He’ll figure it out.”

“No, he’s right to be worried.” Kya’s voice came from behind them; they didn’t hear her come around the corner until she spoke. “He’s always been terrified of storms. I don’t know why. He used to hide in the closet when we were kids, until it passed. But that also means he watches the weather like a hawk. I’m sure he’s found somewhere safe to hunker down until it passes.”

“Is this normal for him, to just disappear?” Josh’s eyes pleaded with her for some kind of reassurance.

Kya shrugged sadly. “He’s always been a little ghost-y, I guess. But I didn’t think he would just drop off without telling you. What… was it that bad of a fight?”

Josh swallowed as he fought back tears. “It… no, it was stupid. And I’m the one that upset him. I started it.”

Kya watched him carefully; there was something he wasn’t telling them. But she didn’t call him out on it. She figured if it was something serious, he would have said something. “He’ll come around,” she said. “He doesn’t handle confrontation well. I’m sure he just needs some time to cool off and clear his head. He’ll come back.” She didn’t let on that she was suddenly doubting her own words.

When Josh eventually returned home, dejected and depressed, he curled up on the couch under a soft throw blanket. He held his phone close and made sure the volume was turned up in case Finn did call him back. He wanted to stay up, wanted to wait just a little longer, but exhaustion won out and he soon drifted to sleep.

It’s barely dawn by the time I make it back to Josh’s house. His car is here. He’s probably asleep, which makes me falter. I don’t want to wake him up, but I know the longer I stay away, the harder it will be. I’ve rehearsed a hundred different conversations in my head, like memorizing a script that will change based on how Josh responds to each line. I’m honestly quite terrified. I considered just staying gone, but I know Josh well enough to know that kind of uncertainty would only hurt him more. If I’ve lost him, at least we’ll both know it.

I ring the doorbell. I know where he keeps the spare key, but I don’t feel like I’ve earned the right to use it. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath as I wait for a response. I’m surprised at how quickly he comes to the door, and I’m even more shocked when he throws his arms around me so hard I almost stumble backwards.

“Where the hell have you been? I was so worried about you. I thought… I thought something happened to you.”

He was worried? About me? I coax him inside so I can shut the door. I’m not keen on providing intel on our private lives to the neighbors. He sniffs and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. When I finally get a good look at his face, my chest aches. He hasn’t slept; he looks exhausted. I know he’s been crying, and I hate that it’s my fault.

He allows me to lead him to the couch, but instead of sitting with him, I kneel on the floor in front of him. “I’m so sorry.” It seems like a good place to start. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve that, Josh. I lost my cool, that’s all on me. And… I understand if you want me to leave, if you don’t want this anymore.”

“Where did you go?” he asks quietly.

“Uh, Wichita.”

“Kansas? What the hell is in Kansas? Or… who?”

I’m mildly taken aback at the implication, but if the roles were reversed, I’d be thinking the same thing. “I promise you, it’s nothing like that. I didn’t plan to go to Wichita, I just ended up there. I…” I hesitate to tell him the whole truth. Hiding it is easier, and he may not ever forgive me. But maybe he’ll pity me instead, and that’s almost worse. “I messed up, though.” I pull my AA chip from my pocket and place it in his hand, careful to avoid his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you’re probably disappointed in me. I found a meeting before I came back, but if you don’t want-“

“I don’t want you to leave.” He looks at the chip in his palm before holding it back out to me. “This doesn’t define you, Finn. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

Mistakes get people killed. “You deserve better,” I admit. I’m giving him an out, an escape route, and the small piece of me that is still decent wants him to take it. I slip the chip back into my pocket, although it feels dirty now, contaminated somehow.

He’s staring down at the carpet, and I can see the wheels turning. “You weren’t drunk, though.”

“I got drunk. I went to a bar, and-“

“No, I mean before you left. You weren’t drunk when you screamed at me.”

“No,” I whisper. “I… I can’t go back there, Josh. You trying to convince me to, it… it triggered something in me, I guess. I can’t stand feeling like I don’t have a choice.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t. I’m working on it, though. And I know it’s a lot to ask, but I promise if you give me another chance, I’ll do better. It won’t happen again.”

He stays quiet for a moment, sniffling as he considers my words. I’m still not confident that he’ll forgive me, and I brace myself for the worst. But instead, he leans forward, resting his arms on my shoulders and pulling me to him. “I’m sorry. Just please don’t leave. Let me help you,” he practically begs.

I give into his pleas, and we stay like this until he asks me to come to bed with him. “Will you just lay with me?” I hold him then, neither of us saying a word. His fingers absentmindedly trace my skin, just under the hem of my shirt. They trail along the small scar just above my right hip and I tense up involuntarily. The little patch of marred flesh is just a reminder, another in a long line of stories I will never tell him. He’s learned to quit asking about it, now.

I don’t think I really sleep. Josh eventually drifts off and I’m left alone. I don’t want to admit it, but my gut is telling me this is wrong. Something in me is screaming to get away from here, from him. Except it’s not because I’m in any kind of danger. It’s because I know he is. No matter how many promises I make, how many times he forgives me for the things I’ve done, or how much he pleads for me to stay with him, I will inevitably hurt him over and over again. There is no doubt in my mind that everything he’s tried to build in himself, I will bring it all crashing to the ground. I do love him, more than I’ve loved anyone this way. Some say if you love something, you need to let it go. But my love for him, and my own selfishness, is why I know I never will. I’ll hold onto him for as long as I can, even if all I do is drag him down with me to the pits of wherever the hell I end up.

///

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka

TAGLIST

Let me know if you want to be added!

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #gvf #gvf fanfiction #jake gvf #jake kiszka #josh gvf #josh kiszka

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writingwhimsey · 27 days ago

Text

Married to The Enemy- Shingen Ch. 62

Chapter 62

Shingen happily showed Ava around their rooms. Her eyes lit up as he showed her the room where she could work on her sewing alongside him working on his carpentry. Her smile was bright when he showed her their bedroom and the rooms that were close by for the baby and any other future children they had.

After the tour, a maid was coming to announce that a bath was prepared for them. Husband and wife shared the bath, Shingen lovingly washing Ava’s back and giving her a gentle massage as he did so. Peppering her neck and shoulders with tender kisses, earning giggles from his wife.

After the bath, they returned to their room to relax. Though they would be having dinner at the banquet later, they had some tea and snacks. Ava was sitting in Shingen’s lap, her back pressed against his chest. Shingen was feeding her the snacks.

“You really spoil me.” Ava said, tilting her head back to look up at Shingen after he had fed her another bite.

Shingen smiled at her and kissed her forehead. “How can I not spoil my angel?” He replied. “I want to make you as happy as you’ve made me.”

Ava smiled happily and reached for one of the sweet buns that was on the tray and held it up to Shingen’s lips. “Well, if that’s the case then let me spoil you, too.”

Shingen couldn’t help but to smile as he accepted the sweet treat. Though just as Ava was about to pull her hand away, he gently grabbed her wrist. He gave a mischievous grin as he brought her fingers to his mouth, parting his lips to gently take each finger between his lips, licking and sucking the sticky syrup off of each finger.

A little moan escaped Ava’s lips, as heat shot through her. “Mmmm….”

Shingen chuckled as he began placing kisses over Ava’s palm, slowly moving up to her wrist. “When you have reactions like that, it’s so hard not to indulge myself more, my love.” He murmured against her silky skin.

“I’m not complaining…quite the opposite, really.” Ava replied.

Shingen chuckled and leaned in to kiss Ava on the lips. He lifted a hand to caress her cheek. “I promise to never give you reason to complain.”

Ava smiled happily at him. “As long as you’re with me, that’s all I need to be happy.” She was then shifting in his lap, turning to face him as she wrapped her arms around him. “We have a little bit of time, right?”

Shingen grinned, holding Ava close. “Hmm, my goddess, we do…and even if we are a bit late it is our party.” He wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted his other hand to the back of her head, drawing her close for another kiss.

Ava readily responded, her body warming pleasantly against his, her soft lips parting at the prodding of his tongue. He could kiss her and love her a thousand times and it wouldn’t be enough.

A while later…

“I knew they were gonna be late.” Yukimura muttered as he and Saki sat down in the banquet hall.

“Like we have much room to talk.” Saki teased her lover. “We just walked in here a few minutes ago ourselves.”

Yukimura’s cheeks reddened. “Yeah well, this party is for Lord Shingen.”

“I take it our lord is quite taken with his wife?” Yuto asked as he came over to sit with Yukimura and Saki.

“He’s touched in the head.” Kenshin muttered, before popping a pickled plum in his mouth.

“I hate to say this, but yeah.” Yukimura agreed.

“Lord Shingen is head over heels for Ava.” Sasuke said.

“And that feeling is mutual.” Saki added. “They’re quite sweet together, really.”

“You are Lady Ava’s lady in waiting, correct?” Yuto asked Saki.

Saki nodded. “Yes and best friend. And Yukimura’s lov…”

“You don’t have to say it! He already knows.” Yukimura said, blushing.

Saki grinned. “Your cute blushy face is exactly why I have to say it.” She said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek, which only made him grow redder.

Yuto chuckled. “I think you're perfect for this one, Saki.”

Saki smiled. “That’s sweet of you to say.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said all night that makes sense.” Yukimura told Yuto.

Saki smiled. “Awe, you think I’m perfect for you?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want anyone else.” Yukimura agreed.

“And no one else could put up with him either.” Sasuke said, getting in a bit of teasing at his BFF.

Yuto chuckled. “It is great to have you all here.” He said.

Ava’s grandmother was coming in then with some of the staff, carrying trays of food…food she had insisted on helping cook. “You just can’t keep yourself out of the kitchen, can you?” Saki asked.

“What? I want to make sure everyone has a good meal.” Mrs. Shiba replied as she came to sit down. “Where are Ava and Shingen?”

“They’re late.” Yukimura grumbled.

“I should have known.” Mrs. Shiba said. “There is a reason she’s pregnant.”

Saki giggled and nodded. “Really we should start placing bets now on how long before they’re having their second child.”

“I’ll say when this one is about one. It takes about a year for the memory of the pain of childbirth to fade and you start wanting a second one.” Mrs. Shiba commented.

“Is it really that bad?” Saki asked.

Mrs. Shiba nodded. “Much worse in fact, but once you hold that baby for the first time and see that little face…you know it was all worth it and that there is no one else you will ever love that much…and then you become a grandmother and learn you might have been wrong. Grandchildren are their own joy.”

Before the discussion could go any further, Shingen and Ava were walking into the room. Cheers broke out from Shingen’s gathered vassals. “Alright! Lord Shingen is finally here!”

“Now the party can really begin!”

It was as if on cue that more food and drink was brought in and a troupe of performers began to play music. “Eat up, we made sure to serve all of the best dishes from Kai. All of your favorites, my lord.” Yuto said.

“Thank you, I truly appreciate it.” Shingen said, smiling. He was then reaching for his chopsticks and picking up a bite of his favorite dish. He then held it to Ava’s lips. “Here my angel. You should try this.”

Ava’s cheeks reddened, but she smiled and parted her lips to accept the food. As soon as the food hit her tongue, her eyes closed and she had the most adorable expression on her face. “Mmm, that is so GOOD!” She exclaimed.

Shingen grinned. “You know, I think seeing you enjoying my favorite dishes makes them even more delicious.” He told her.

Ava blushed. She was then picking up her cup of water and taking a sip to hide her blushing face. “Well, I did feel that way when we were visiting my hometown, I felt the same sharing all of my favorite foods with you.”

Shingen happily ate his food and shared it with Ava…who managed to clear her tray and was still helping Shingen eat his. “I’ve never seen anyone eat so much.” Yukimura commented.

Saki was reaching over and smacking him on the shoulder. “She’s pregnant, dummy.”

Ava glared at Yukimura. “Yes, I’m eating for two.”

Shingen wrapped his arm around Ava and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. “Ignore him, my love. Eat as much as you want and I am happy to share. Especially when you make such cute faces.”

Ava smiled and blushed. “You might be a little biased there.”

Yuto was smiling as he watched them. “It’s good to see you settled down and looking so happy, my lord.” He told Shingen. “And my lady, I have to thank you for that.”

“I don’t know if I can take all of the credit for that.” Ava replied.

“Of course you can, my angel.” Shingen replied.

“Can we find anything else to talk about?” Kenshin asked.

“For once, I have to agree with Lord Kenshin.” Yukimura said. He was then looking at Yuto. “So, you clearly know what we’ve been up to. What have YOU been doing while we’ve been gone?”

“Oh, mostly just taking care of things here as I always have.” Yuto answered. “Though I did recently remarry.”

“Wait, you didn’t think to tell me that upon my arrival? Or in any of your letters?” Shingen asked.

Yuto chuckled. “I was always saving it for when you returned.” He answered.

“You should have brought her with you so we could meet the woman who won your heart.” Shingen said.

“I had planned on it, but she’s a midwife so she had a birth to oversee in town.” Yuto explained.

“I see.” Shingen replied. “So, how did you meet her?”

“She arrived in town around ten years ago.” Yuto explained. “She was lost and a bit disoriented. I’m not sure what kind of ordeal she had been through, but she had been through something for certain. I knew I had to help her. It took a while for her to trust me. But eventually she did and she came with me to my house. She started off as a maid and a cook, insisting that she did something in return for room and board. After a couple of years she and I both started to open up to each other more and became friends. Then she decided she wanted to be a midwife. Before long, I realized I had fallen in love with her. Which was something I didn’t think I could do again after my first wife died. But her gentle heart won me over before I even knew it.”

“Awe that sounds so sweet.” Ava said, before taking another bite of her food.

Shingen had to nod in agreement. “It sounds like quite the beginning for a love story.”

Yuto chuckled. “It took her even longer to trust me with her heart though.”

“Why is that?” Shingen asked.

“She had been wronged by her first husband.” Yuto answered. “He up and left her and their young daughter.”

Shingen frowned. “That’s terrible. How any man could abandon his responsibilities, is beyond me.”

Yuto nodded. “I don’t either. Especially with a woman as beautiful and kind as my Kana. She has the most dazzling green eyes.”

Shingen became aware when Ava seemed to stiffen next to him. She looked over at Yuto, a serious expression on her face. “Her name is Kana? You said you met her about ten years ago?”

Yuto nodded. “Yes.”

“You also mentioned she had a daughter…has she ever said anything about her?”

This question instantly clued Shingen into Ava’s line of thinking. He had to admit, what Yuto was saying did line up.

“She actually did. She said she was now a grown woman. She said she had had to leave her, but she didn’t want to. For a long time she tried hard to figure out how to get back to her, but she never could. She said she wanted her to know how proud she was of her and how much she loved her.” Yuto answered.

“I…I’d really like to meet her.” Ava said.

Yuto smiled. “She said if she had time after the birth she was attending, she would try to attend the party. With all of the wonderful stories I’ve told her about Lord Shingen, she said she really wants to meet him.”

“If she’s a midwife, it would make sense for her to meet you.” Saki spoke up. “I mean I know I’ve been attending to you, but to have someone who is actually a midwife and had that knowledge would be better.”

“I am sure my wife would consider it an honor to take care of you, my lady.” Yuto said.

Ava nodded. Shingen reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. He leaned in and whispered to her. “Do you think…”

Ava nodded. “Yes…I don’t want to get my hopes up…but given what we know about wormholes and her disappearance…it really could be her.” She whispered back.

Shingen could tell Ava was feeling all sorts of emotions at that moment. Her body was tense, filled with anxiety, anticipation, hope, fear…so many things all at once. He hoped Yuto’s wife would be able to show up. He had a feeling that until Ava knew, she wouldn’t be able to rest or enjoy herself.

Taglist: @limonzu @zulablaise @oda-princess @kisara-16

@tele86 @lovely-bubb1es @lucyw260 @queengiuliettafirstlady

@bjorkshire-pudding @eventinelysplayground

#ikesen shingen #ikemen shingen #ikemen sengoku shingen #shingen takeda #ikesen au #arranged marriage au #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #otome shingen #cybird shingen #ikemen #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #ikemen series #fanfic #otome boys #cybird #fanfiction #au

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bellaireland1981 · 2 years ago

Text

Starting Over | 2

Summary: You come home to work to find your husband of three years in bed with your supposed best friend. It’s the wake up call you finally needed to take your two year old daughter and get the hell out of Texas. With nowhere to go you head to your big brother in San Diego. The sagger squad takes you under their wings, and shows you what having a family means. You get a fresh start… will you find your happily ever after?

Characters: Jake “hangman” Seresin x Sister! Reader, Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Seresin! Reader (Eventually), Hangman x Phoenix (eventually) , Adorable OC Gracie! The Dagger squad

Word Count: 3477

Warnings: Angst, cheating husband, emotional abuse, eventual fluff, smut in later chapters, Sweet uncle Jake, Adorable Rooster with a toddler… if I miss any please let me know.

A/N: This will be another series. I don’t own the characters or storyline for Top Gun Maverick. All OC’s are mine. I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR ANYONE TO COPY OR REPOST MY WORK TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM! DON’T STEAL! Reblogs, likes and comments ALWAYS welcomed. THANK YOU @waywardodysseys as always for reading over my work and helping me flush out ideas!!

Taglist is open!

CH 1

The next day, Jake was up again bright and early, making breakfast with Gracie when you walked into the kitchen.

“You should have gotten me up.” You said coming in and dropping a kiss on Gracie’s head before continuing to the coffee. “You’re spoiling us with these elaborate breakfasts, Jakey.”

“I’m an early riser anyway, courtesy of the US Navy.” He replied, shrugging, “I have no problem getting up with Princess G and making breakfast for my favorite baby sister and niece.”

“I’m your only baby sister and Gracie is your only niece.” You replied, sticking your tongue out at your brother.

“Exactly!” He said, “Less competition for you.”

“You’re too much.” You laughed. “I’m making dinner tonight, no arguments.”

“Deal.” Jake said. “In the meantime, this morning we can go get the phone squared away then I want to take you to base and show you around. I figured Gracie would love to see all the planes.”

“That’s perfect.” You replied, “This afternoon, I need to call around for a lawyer. I really want to get the divorce started.”

“I want you to be free of that douchebag too.” he replied. “The sooner the better.”

After finishing breakfast and going to add a new phone and number to Jake’s phone plan, you all headed to base so Jake could show you and Gracie the planes. He’d called Rooster ahead of time to make sure they weren’t in the air.

Jake pulled his truck through the guard gate, flashing his credentials as he went. Once through, he drove around to the hangars, parking next to Rooster’s Bronco.

“Everyone is inside, so we’ll head in there first.” Jake said, hopping out and opening the back door to get Gracie out. You’d installed the new carseat you’d bought in Jake’s truck so he’d have it if needed. He hated your car so he was happy to have a carseat for his truck.

Jake started heading inside still carrying Gracie. You followed behind smiling at how proud of an Uncle Jake was. He’d make such an amazing dad someday.

“Princess on Deck!” Jake called heading into the rec room where Rooster said they were, having just finished briefing on the plan for the day.

Everyone jumped up to come shower the little girl with attention.

“WOOSTA!” Gracie exclaimed seeing her favorite aviator (apart from her Uncle). She squirmed and held her hands out for Bradley to take her from Jake.

“Wow.” Jake pouted, “Stealing my own sweet Princess G from me.”

“Just giving Princess Gracie what she wants.” Bradley said, winking as he took Gracie. “How are things going today, Y/N?”

“Looking up.” You replied, smiling at him.

“Did you get a new phone, then?” Phoenix asked, walking over.

“Yes, we just came from there.” You replied, “All squared away. No more harassing phone calls or texts.”

“Good.” She said, “Here, let me give you my number. Call my phone so I have your number.”

She gave you her number and you typed it in to call. You hit the end once the phone rang, knowing she’d have your number now. You quickly saved her number to your contacts.

A few seconds later your new phone pinged with a message.

“I created a group chat with all of us so you have the squad’s numbers and they have yours.” Phoenix said, “This way if you ever need anything and Jake isn’t available, you’ve got all of us.”

“Go ahead and add Penny and I to that list, Phoenix” Mav said, walking into the rec room.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you took it all in. You went from being isolated in a shitty marriage, separated from the only person you’d ever been able to depend on to being surrounded by this makeshift family. It was a lot to take in. All of the emotions you’d kept bottled up over the last several years were flooding to the surface, washing over you, causing your heart rate to speed up, breathing becoming harder, and your flight or fight response to kick in. You recognized the signs enough to know you were dangerously close to a panic attack. You looked at Jake, your eyes telling him everything he needed to know.

He was quickly at your side, his arm coming around you, the weight and warmth of it grounding you enough to take the edge off your anxiety.

“Let’s go get a drink, Tulip.” Jake said, “I’m parched. You guys good with Gracie for a minute?”

“Of course.” Bradley said, looking over at you with concern in his warm gaze. He gave you a reassuring smile then looked at Gracie in his arms and asked, “Hey Princess G, do you wanna see some big planes?”

“Pwanes?” She asked happily, “Yes, pwease!” Bradley chucked, dropping a kiss on her little forehead.

“Alright, I’m gonna take her to the jets.” Bradley said, “We’ll meet you outside.”

“Thanks, Rooster.” Jake said, taking your hand and leading you out of the room.

The two of you walked down to the vending machines at the end of the hallway and Jake pulled out his wallet, inserting money into the machine and selecting a bottle of water. Once it landed at the collection area, he pulled it out and twisted it open.

“Take a few slow slips, Tulip.” He said quietly. “It’ll help Sweetheart.”

“Thank you Jakey.” You replied, “I’m sorry for being such a hot mess. Who falls apart simply because people are nice to them?”

“Someone who’s not used to having a large support system, Tulip.” Jake replied, “Give yourself some grace here. You have had a shit hand dealt to you. Growing up it was just the two of us. The last three years you’ve been stuck in a shitty marriage with a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you, with only Gracie to keep you going. Trust me. I get it, Sweetheart. It took me quite awhile to drop my guard and let anyone in. Javy was the first one I befriended… It was this last mission and having to depend on these guys and have them depend on me, that finally drove the point home. You don’t have to do it alone. You’ve got people.”

“He’s right, Y/N” Phoenix said, coming up behind you both. She put an arm around you in a side hug. “You’re not alone anymore. We’ve got you. We can be a little…extra…sometimes though, so if you’re overwhelmed let Jake know…or find me. We’ll get you out of whatever situation you’re in.”

“Thank you, Nat.” You replied, turning to hug her. “Are you sure y’all wanna take on my crazy?”

“We took on Hangman” She shrugged, smirking at Jake. “We’ll happily take on his cooler sister.”

“Ouch, Phoenix.” Jake teased, “You wound me. You’re not wrong though, Tulip here has always been cooler than me.”

“You’re so full of it, Jakey.” You laughed, “You’ve always been the more sociable, outgoing, life of the party… I’m stupidly shy and awkward in groups.”

“Still cooler.” He maintained, smiling softly at you. “Come on, let’s go see Princess G and her reaction to the jets. I actually wanna get a picture of her with me in my jet that I can print and take with me when I fly.”

“You are the biggest softy when it comes to that little girl.” You said, smiling at Jake. “She’s got you wrapped around her pinky.”

“Yeah….well… her mom has had me wrapped around her finger since she was born too.” Jake winked, tugging your hair gently. “Seems to be a family trait.”

As the three of you walked outside you stood back a bit, watching the looks that Phoenix kept sneaking towards Jake. You knew she was seeing him in a whole new light and liked this version of your brother. You decided to make it your new mission to make these two stubborn people realize they were in love. Your own love life was in shambles, but you would do anything you could to make sure your brother was happy.

When you made it outside, you saw Bradley still holding Gracie, but she was now on his shoulders so she could better see the planes. She looked like she was in her element, happy and comfortable to be with the other aviators. Bradley was a natural with her. You wished your daughter had been blessed with a better father than the one that you’d been stuck with. Thankfully, she had Jake in her life as a positive role model and if you stuck around here she’d have lots of other male….and female role models.

“Hey Princess G!” Jake called, once he was closer, “Wanna sit in Uncle Jakey’s plane?”

“Fwy pwanes!” She clapped, now reaching down to her uncle.

“We can’t actually go in the sky today, Princess but you can pretend.” He said, “Someday, I’ll take you up in a plane.”

“If Uncle Jakey gets his way, you’ll be a pilot before Kindergarten.” You laughed.

“If not Kindergarten then for sure by the end of elementary school.” Bradley agreed “Gotta teach ‘em young!”

“Apparently” You said, shaking your head, “I don’t mind though. I couldn't ask for better people to be in her life.”

“She’s an amazing little girl.” Bradley said, smiling at you. “I’d say you’re doing a great job on your own, Y/N. But having some extra hands on deck isn’t a bad thing.” “It’s nice to know I’ve got backup now.” You agreed, “Thank you…for everything. And for being so wonderful with her. Apart from her uncle, you’re probably her favorite person.”

“She makes it easy” He shrugged, “Her mom’s pretty easy to like too.”

You could feel a blush creep up your neck and over your face at his words. Butterflies erupting in your belly. It had been so long since a man had made you feel anything remotely close to positive. You figured he was just being kind though.

“Thank you, Bradley.” You replied,offering a smile, “You’re a pretty likable guy too.”

You both watched as Jake climbed into his jet, Phoenix on the ladder behind him holding Gracie until he was seated. Once Jake was settled in the jet, Phoenix handed Gracie up to him. He put her on his lap, making sure to hold on to her tightly, being that the cockpit was high off the ground.

“Jake!” You yelled up, getting his attention, “Smile”

Jake got Gracie’s attention, pointing to where you were standing, your phone poised to capture the moment.

Gracie looks at you with a dimpled smile, matching her uncle’s. You quickly snapped several pictures of the dynamic duo, before giving a thumbs up. With pictures over, Gracie returns her attention to all of the dials and interesting parts of the plane. You can see Jake patiently pointing things out to her and talking to her. Both clearly in their element.

“We’ve got a new aviator joining Top Gun?” Mav asked, coming to stand by Bradley. “She looks like a natural. Might give you a run for your money, Phoenix.”

“I hope so, Mav.” She replied. “I’ll happily be second to her.”

“Admiral Simpson wants the Daggers to run maneuvers with the new Top Gun class later next week, so after lunch we’re all meeting in the briefing room to go over expectations.” Mav informed them. “We’ll catch Hangman up tomorrow, then you all will have Friday thru Sunday off before a full and hectic week.”

“Sounds good,” Bradley said, “I never turn down a 3 day weekend.”

“Same.” Phoenix agreed.

“Just try to stay out of trouble.” Mav requested, giving a pointed look at both the aviators. “And keep the rest out of trouble.”

“I take zero responsibility for that crazy lot.” Phoenix said, “That would be a full time job all on its own and I’m too busy being a badass female aviator.”

“You have that title on lockdown.” You offered, “I don’t even have to see you fly to know it. Plus Jake usually fills me in on how awesome you are.”

“Hangman talks to you about my flying skills?” She asked, baffled by the idea and unsure how to process this information.

“Yeah. He really thinks a lot about you and is very impressed by your skills. He talks about the whole squad and brags on how amazing you all are.” You confirmed, “But he’s known you longer, so I’ve heard more about you.”

“There’s a lot more to Seresin than meets the eye.” Mav said, not surprised by this new information. “He actually reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age. He’s cocky, sure, but that’s just one of his many sides.”

“Exactly!” You replied, “I’ve told him often he needs to let you all get to know the real him, and I think he’s starting to show you pieces of that person.”

“He is.” Bradley confirmed, “We’ve seen more of the Jake up there in the plane with his niece and less of Hangman since the last mission. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing even more now that you and Gracie are here. He needs y’all as much as you need him.”

“I would say that’s a very fair assessment.” Mav agreed.

You glanced at Phoenix, watching as she watched Jake, as if really seeing him for the first time. A small smile spread across her face watching him interact with Gracie.

“They really are kinda adorable together.” She remarked, the soft smile remaining on her face.

“They always have been.” You confirmed, “You should have seen him with her when she was a baby.”

“Looks like Gracie is ready to get down.” Mav noticed, watching the duo in the plane. He walks over to the jet, climbing the ladder to take Gracie from Jake so that Jake could climb out of the jet as well.

Once on the ground again, Jake put Gracie back on his shoulders as the three of them came back to join you.

“Did you have fun, Baby Girl?” You asked, reaching up for your daughter. She happily left her perch on her Uncle’s shoulders to be with her momma.

“Mommy, me fwy!” Gracie said happily.

“I saw that!” You answered, “You did so good too! You’re a natural like Uncle Jakey.”

“She’ll be flying with us in no time.” Bradley said.

“Mommy, me hungwy.” Gracie said.

“Ok, Baby Girl.” You replied, “Uncle Jakey, Princess G needs lunch.”

“You got it Princess G!” Jake said.

“I’ll call you after work and fill you in on our afternoon briefing.” Bradley said, “We’re all off on Friday though.”

“Ok….” Jake said, confused, having missed the conversation with Mav.

“Maybe we can get the squad all together and take Gracie to see some animals.” Bradley suggested, “Although with the Squad, Gracie may be the adult and in charge.”

“Now that I can believe.” Mav laughed. “Having been in charge of you all… I completely believe Gracie will be the one in charge.”

“The zoo sounds fun.” You smiled, “Gracie loves animals.”

“Perfect.” Jake said, “Rooster, can you let everyone know? We can work out the details tomorrow.”

“Sure.” Bradley agreed, “Have a great rest of your day, Princess G. Enjoy your lunch!”

________________

After leaving base, Jake takes you at a diner on the way home. After ordering cheeseburgers, fries, and milkshakes for the adults and chicken nuggets and fries with milk for Gracie, you and Jake sit talking.

“Would it be stupid if I said I wouldn’t mind going back to college?” You asked, staring at the table.

“Absolutely not.” Jake assured you, “You should one hundred percent go back to college if that is what you want to do, Tulip.”

“You don’t think I’m too old?” You asked, finally looking up at your brother.

“Your’re 26, Y/N.” Jake laughed, “That’s not old. What do you think you want to study?”

“I’m not completely sure… I know I don’t want to do anything with my original degree though.” You answered, “That feels like part of my old life that I want nothing to do with.”

“That’s fair…so a fresh start?” Jake asked.

“Yeah.” You replied, “I absolutely love kids… I was thinking maybe I could become a teacher?”

“I think you’d make an amazing teacher, Tulip.” Jake said confidently. “We will make it happen, if that’s what you want.”

“Jake, you’re already doing too much.” You said, “I can’t ask you to take on anything else. I will get student loans and I can get daycare while I’m in classes… and maybe I can work on campus if I even get accepted of course.”

“First of all,” Jake said, “there is no such thing as ‘too much’ when it comes to you and Gracie. Secondly, let me check to see if you’d qualify for any programs for scholarships or financial support through the Navy, being my baby sister. Third, daycare is fine as a sometimes needed support but when I’m off I will keep Gracie. I’m sure there will be other volunteers to hang out with Princess G too. No arguments.”

“You’re very stubborn, you know that?” You stated, rolling your eyes. “I love you, Jakey, Thank you.”

“I love you too, Tulip.” He replied, smiling warmly, “I have to be stubborn with you because you’re the most hard-headed person I know. And stop thanking me.”

The food arrived before you could argue anymore. Everyone digging into their food.

“Mav put me in touch with a few Navy lawyers that suggested some really good civilian lawyers in the area that would be willing and able to take your case.” Jake said, “One of them specializes in family law and has a great reputation for helping women stuck in bad situations.”

“Probably costs a small fortune though.” You sighed, “I really do need to find a job, Jake.”

“Let’s focus on one thing at a time.” He answered, “Call her and see if you can get an appointment for a consultation. We’ll go from there.”

“I hate it when you make sense.” You said grudgingly.

Jake just laughed, tossing a fry at you, which made Gracie erupt into a fit of giggles.

Later that afternoon, while Gracie napped, you made the call to the Lawyer. Her secretary scheduled you an appointment for a consultation the next afternoon. You knew Jake had to work, so you’d have to take Gracie with you. When you told Jake, he told you to take your old phone with you but wait to turn it on until you got to the office.

“I’m actually kind of surprised he hasn’t started blowing up your phone, Jakey.” You commented, knowing Trent had Jake’s number and had figured out by now where you’d gone.

“He has.” Jake simply shrugged, “He sent me several text messages that I just forwarded to your number and then delete.”

“I’m so sorry you’re in the middle of this.” You said, sighing.

“Stop.” Was his only reply.

“What do you want for dinner tomorrow night?” You asked, changing the subject. “Anything you want. I’ll stop at the store if I have to and grab stuff after my appointment with the lawyer.”

“Tulip…”Jake started, but you interrupted him.

“Nope, don’t want to hear it.” You replied “I know what you’re gonna say but I am cooking my brother a kick ass dinner of his choosing tomorrow night. So what’s it gonna be?”

“I wouldn’t turn down some good barbeque.” Jake replied, knowing when he was fighting a losing battle.

“Chicken, pork, or beef?” You asked.

“Surprise me.” He smiled, “But as long as you’re offering… can you make some of your famous honey cornbread muffins too?”

“I can absolutely do that for you, Jakey.” You smiled. “If you want, you can invite your friends over, I always make enough food to feed an army … or Navy when I cook.”

“I’ll see who’s available.” He promised, “But I’m sure once they hear homecooking they’ll be here.”

You opened up the notes app on your new phone and made note of what you’d need from the store. You figured you’d get stuff to bake a dessert too. You knew Jake loved a coconut cake, but you weren’t sure about others, so you opted for a chocolate cake of some sort.

“Were you interested in going to the zoo on Friday?” Jake asked, “I think the squad wanted to go too…which means Princess G will be absolutely spoiled.”

“Yeah!” You said, “That sounds like a lot of fun. It’s also a good way to show off your softy Uncle Jakey side to Nat…”

“Oh my God, Tulip” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I’m telling you, she barely tolerates me most days.”

“It’s so adorable how clueless you are.” You teased, “Simply adorable.”

Taglist: @gracespicybradshaw

#bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #jake hangman seresin #Miles Teller #top gun fanfiction

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gabriel-xander · 1 year ago

Text

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 7

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 7: He Totally Loves Your Letters

Fiddling nervously with your hands, you sit silently at the table while Childe, Zhongli, Kazuki... and two other people talk with each other about the recent passing of Rex Lapis, the God of Geo, and, like, 50 other fancy titles.

You're not gonna lie, his "death" was a little funny to you. Honestly, it kind of looked like Lady Ningguang was the one who did it. She did this whole performance thing and shot this power into the sky. Two seconds later, a great dragon fell out of the sky dead as hell.

No one seems to think about it like that, though.

Anyway, the two other guests that Zhongli and Childe were talking to were:

The Traveler and Paimon.

They are the man(s), the myth, the legend...

The Traveler, who introduced himself as Aether, was actually very pretty. You first confused him as a young man, a potential little baby, a little son you can spoil because he's just a little guy. But alas, that is not the case with him. He looked a little sad when he had to correct you about his age.

You and Kazuki were already with Zhongli at Liuli Pavilion when Childe arrived with Aether and Paimon. That's when you officially met them both, and Aether's aura was one of someone who has lived and experienced more than you can ever imagine. Aether wasn't very talkative, instead the weird fairy, Paimon, did most of it on his behalf.

Kazuki puts a hand on your bouncing thigh, giving you a passive look. Calm down, he's telling you.

You smile at him.

You were only nervous since you were unsure if the Traveler and Paimon knew of your true identity, and you didn't want to go around announcing that if you could help it.

"In fact," Zhongli looks at you with a smile, "[Y/n], why don't you accompany us? You have always shown interest in my work before, and I can allow you to witness it firsthand just this once if you'd like."

Wait, what? You were not paying attention.

"Uh, I–Sorry, I zoned out," You laugh nervously, "What did you want my help with?"

"It's not like you to be so out of focus," Kazuki teases, nudging your leg.

You scoff, "Leave me alone, I zoned out for not even a minute."

Childe chuckles, "The Traveler, Paimon, and Mr. Zhongli were just discussing the fulfillment of the memorial service for the passing of Rex Lapis. I agree with him, I think it'd be a good opportunity for you to learn. You do always ask him about it, after all."

You laugh sheepishly, embarrassed at how easily they keep revealing that.

It's not that you're super interested in the work of a funeral consultant, more so the stories Zhongli always shared about the clients. He always knows so much, and he's so knowledgeable about that dead person's life, and you don't know why, but you just love hearing about it.

You wouldn't consider yourself a "dang I love people" type of person, but life itself is so wonderful to you. You love hearing about life through a person who seemed like he experienced so much of it.

After all, your fascination with life itself is the reason why you became a Fatui, to begin with. You're given resources to travel the world and study the land under the guise of doing work. You especially love learning about the history of Teyvat, the Abyss, Celestia, and Khaenri'ah, kind of like lore hunting.

"Is-Is it really okay if I come, Mr. Zhongli?"

Still, you have to ask. Childe never hid his identity from Zhongli, so you never bothered either, he knows you three are of Fatuus. Is it really okay with him if you go along knowing that there's the possibility that your superior will ask something suspicious of you?

La Signora hasn't yet, but still. Surely he knows?

He nods with a smile, "Of course. I wouldn't have offered otherwise."

You light up and sit up straighter, "Then yeah! Of course! Thank you for having me!"

"Hm," The brunette nods, "Now then if we have agreed, come with me. We will speak of the details as we walk."

It wasn't until after your group left (leaving poor Kazuki with Childe) that the ginger asked his subordinate a question.

"Do you think... [Y/n] would be upset with me if I had asked her to be a double agent while with Mr. Zhongli?"

Kazuki nods immediately, "Yes, My Liege. Unfortunately, you two are friends now. Though she tries not to show it, she is quite sensitive. Especially when it comes to the topic of friends. Why do you think before meeting you, she was only friends with me?"

"I just thought she was a loner," Childe raises a brow.

"No. Her philosophy is: that betrayal hurts because it can only come from the people you care about. And in this line of business, that is inevitable. Now that you are her friend, you fall under that category," The Pyro vision user hums as he sloshes around the drink in his hand, "I personally have no issue with it, but for [Y/n], never mix friends and business with her."

Tartaglia had to think to himself for a moment, wondering if it was a good idea to become your friend at all. He doesn't regret it, but it does make situations like these more difficult. It took a while for you to even want to warm up to him, so... No, he doesn't want to risk it so soon by asking you to spy on your guys' mutual friend.

"Wait," Childe frowns at Kazuki, "What did you mean earlier when you said, "Unfortunately we're friends?"

The man with light brown eyes smirks very slightly, nearly unnoticeable, "Because you are a Harbinger, My Liege. And your task here requires violent actions, remember? You're going to do something that upsets her, and she's going to cut you off. It's inevitable."

...

Childe slams his forehead on the table.

Well... fuck.

————

You lightly smack your cheek, blinking hard to keep yourself awake so late into the night so you don't pass out in the middle of reading.

You're lucky you managed to befriend Jifang, the Boss of Wawen Bookhouse before you knew she was the boss of the place. This ended up working out for you when you wanted to read a book, she'd allow you to "rent" it out rather than a full purchase. She even trusted you to stick around to keep reading even after she closed shop for the day. You'd say you're doing a good job maintaining her trust since you never stole and you always made sure to honor her payment methods.

"So even the Salt God stood amongst the other Gods before the Archon War..." You mutter, reading the next passage out loud, "...before being ruthlessly murdered by one of her own followers."

Holy shit, that's fucked up! Just because she was kind, she had to die? But that doesn't make any sense. If this was during the Archon War, and the God of Salt was technically considered a God of Liyue, why didn't Rex Lapis help her out? Or at least, helped her people so they didn't feel like they had to kill their own God?

You hum to yourself as you keep reading the book: "Her remains are likely to be found somewhere in the ruins of the area known as "Sal Terrae."

The rest of the Volume goes on to talk about the "Flower Toss", or more commonly known in Liyue and Mondstadt, as the "Flower Ball", the God of Salt handed her people a bunch of flowers as a blessing to them. Or at least, if not a blessing, then a small gesture of comfort to stave off the bitterness of the Archon War.

You close shut Volume 1 of Customs of Liyue, neatly putting it back on the shelf from where you got it. Volumes 2 and 3 are about the Rite of Decension and Silk Flowers, both of which you know have nothing to do with the Salt God.

You skim through the spines of the books, trying to find something else of relevance. It's a bit hard to read in the dark, and the only light you have is a lantern above illuminating a small area.

"Ah, here we go. Hopefully, this has something," You muse to yourself, "Volumes 1 and 2 of Records of the Gallant."

Spoilers: it was a fucking bust.

You sigh in irritation as you put the books back after a quick skim. You're starting to get a headache from reading in the dark for hours. Dawn will soon arrive in a few hours, making you dread today's assignments.

You stifle through your Mora bag, pulling out... shit, how many books did you end up reading tonight? You read the full series of Customs of Liyue and Records of the Gallant. Not to mention that you had a quick indulgence of the Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, and Sumeru Teyvat Travel Guides before you were on a spontaneous lore hunt. It was 1,000 Mora for each Volume, and 2,500 Mora for each Travel Guide Volume. (Mind you, this is all half-price since you're "renting" them, and not fully purchasing them for permanent ownership.)

You pout very sadly, parting with 15,000 Mora. You put it in a jar that Jifang leaves out for you to put the Mora in.

Liyue's architect and structure still fucking confuse you to this day, so it takes you a whole fucking hour to get back to the Northland Bank. It seemed that Vlad's shift was over, since now Nadia, the guard of the Northland Bank for the night shift, was outside standing at attention.

You smile at her, and she smiles back when she recognizes you. You think it's funny other Fatuus have a hard time recognizing you without your mask on. You don't like wearing it out when you're not on the clock though, and you haven't been scolded for it so you guess it's fine.

"Hey, there, Nadia. Is Ekaterina still here?" You ask her, holding back a yawn.

"Oh, good evening, [L/n]. Yes, she should still be here. She had a busy day today, you know. So she might be a little cranky," The girl with light brown hair tells you, "Oh! Before you go in, I have news about my new pen-pal!"

"Oh? Do we finally have more information about them?" You smile teasingly.

"Yeah! He's also a guard here at the Northland Bank, but he's on duty during the day, while I'm on duty at night," Nadia nervously pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, "To tell you the truth, I don't even know his name."

Dude... She is literally talking about Vlad. You literally know Vlad.

Still, it's actually pretty cute that she managed to get to him. Vlad is always dry when talking to you, and he never cared for socializing with the people here. You decide to keep his identity a secret from Nadia, you think it'll be cuter for her this way to learn herself.

"One time, I accidentally left the letter I had written to my brother at our post. And then perhaps the other guard mistook it as a letter I left for him. He even wrote me a reply. I could read between the lines and tell that he was probably very lonely, so I thought it would be good along with it to help him this way. But eventually, writing to him also became a part of my life. I've even started looking forward to receiving his letters, hehe...!"

You feel a weird, bittersweet emotion from her words. You wonder if your letters to Scaramouch help him feel any better, wherever he is at the moment. He never wrote back to you, but you're still dedicated to writing to him often.

You... You hope he also looks forward to receiving your letters.

"That's good, Nadia! I hope things keep going well with this mysterious pen-pal," You wink at her, nudging her arm, "Who knows, maybe he's very handsome, too."

She blushes under her mask, though you can barely see it. "I-I... Don't you have to talk to Ekaterina?! Ge-Get going...!"

"Alright, alright," You pull open the door, "Have a good night, Nadia."

"Ye-Yes, you too."

Poor Ekaterina was sitting at the counter doing late-night paperwork. You don't know exactly what her job entails, but you have a funny feeling Childe makes her job more stressful.

"Hello, Ekaterina!" You greet her as cheerfully as you can because you have a feeling that your happiness will make her annoyed.

And you were right.

She glares at you and you feel it through her mask, "[L/n]. What. Is. Wrong. With. You."

"Want me to go alphabetically, or chronologically?"

"...???"

"Never mind," You shake your head, "I want to talk to your boss. Is Lord Childe here?"

"Do you not realize what time it is? He's already retired for the night hours ago, so you'll have to try your luck tomorrow."

"Riiiigt, right. I figured, but I thought I should take my chances anyway. Anyway, I wanted to take out a small loan for myself. I'm finally cashing in my vacation starting tomor–Uh, I guess starting today, I mean."

"Wait. A vacation? That's a bit last minute, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess. But I already received permission from the Fair Lady, so I'm being responsible, don't worry."

"Yes, I figured as much, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered. But still, don't you want to wait? I mean, the Rite of Parting is the day after tomorrow. Don't you want to stick around for it?

You furrow your brows and cross your arms, "Not to be callous, but no. There's something else I'm more interested in, and I know I'll be way too restless to wait any longer so I'll just do it now."

Ekaterina looks put off by your attitude since you're usually more amendable to reason but it seems that doesn't apply whenever it comes to your own personal interests/research. Ah, but she knows that Childe wouldn't want you to go since he likes you, he's admitted to that before in passing. And Kazuki might have some reservations about it as well, or maybe, he'd even want to go with you.

"I-I see. Well... Alright, then," Ekaterina says with a slight sigh, "Give me a moment to finish up here, and I'll get to the paperwork for the withdrawal."

"Sure, take your time," You smile, "Actually, I'll be leaving now to get sleep. We can get this sorted out in a few hours after some rest, right?"

"Yes, that will be fine. Have a good rest, [L/n]."

"You too, Ekaterina."

You turn around to leave, but you don't get to the door.

"Ah–Wait! I almost forgot!"

You turn around at Ekaterina's sudden shout. You walk back curiously as she shuffles through a stack of papers from behind her desk. You don't rush her, waiting patiently as you lean on the desk. She picks up a small stack of papers, and dreadfully, you believe that it is all yours. To your luck, she stifles through them and separates a slightly thick envelope wrapped in a thin, red string before handing them to you.

Thank God.

You smile and mutter out thanks, taking the envelope from the woman before leaving the bank. You recognize the envelope as being the common ones used in Snezhnaya, more precisely, used at the Zapolyarny Palace. There wasn't a wax seal or a name though, only that it was addressed to you: [Y/n] [L/n], written very neatly. Just from holding it, you can feel there are other papers inside it.

Walking back to the place you and the other Fatuus are staying at takes another about two hours because Liyue is fucking huge. You left the bank around 23:35, but you don't get to your location until 1:42. You hate it here. However, the air is crisp and cool, so you didn't mind the walk too much. There were only a few people out since there were some shops open this late at night. You wave to a few you pass by regularly, though you wouldn't say you're on friendly terms with them, you see each other often enough to at least say hi.

Your identity as a Fatui isn't exactly a secret, so, commonly, you'll get the cold shoulder and unwarranted disrespect. However, you're friendly and outwardly honest enough that you managed to get a good majority of Liyue to like you... Enough.

You still experience distrust and discrimination because of your occupation. You guess there's just no helping it.

Entering your room, you make sure to lock the door behind you and shuck off your coat. You tilt your head side to side, flopping down on your bed face first.

You're ready to pass out then and there, but you're curious about the mail in your hands. You push yourself up and kick off your shoes, moving further up the bed so you can sit cross-legged.

There are separate letters inside it, one addressed to La Signora, one addressed to Tartaglia, and one to yourself. Strange, the main mail was addressed to you, so why did you get Signora's and Childe's letters as well? Was it a mistake?

Either way, you don't want to get in trouble and risk it, so you'll only open yours. You'll just have to make sure to give these out to their proper owners in the morning after you sleep. There isn't a wax seal, so it was easy enough to retrieve the hand-written letter.

————

06 . 08 . XXXX

To My Faithful Servant,

I hope you haven't been completely useless without me for the past six months. It HAS been six months, right? At least for you anyway, but that's beside the point.

I've finally returned to Snezhnaya as of this morning, though I'll be staying at Zapolyarny Palace for another month to complete some work for the Doctor. For your own safety, I advise you to stay where you are in Liyue until I have time to get you myself.

Actually, I think it'd be better if you start working under Tartaglia until then, I don't trust that witch as far as I can throw her. I'll write up an appeal for you to give over to Signora and Tartaglia separately. I'll make sure to include them in the letter before sending it out.

Anyway, you can stop worrying so much. If I knew you'd send letters this frequently, I would've just brought you instead. But now that I think about it, you probably would give me a big headache the whole time, so never mind.

If you want to keep sending your pointless letters, then be my guest. I won't bother replying, but at least that way I know you're still alive and I won't need to hire a new second in command.

You're extremely lucky I happen to find you tolerable. When I see you again, be ready to be put to work.

From "Your Dearest,"

Scaramouche

————

You scoff out a laugh, get up from your bed, and hurry to your desk.

Fuck that guy, you're writing back immediately. As a matter of fact, you don't give a fuck, you're going to be sappy as fuck because you'll admit, you miss that cuck. From the date, he sent this last week. If you send it first thing tomorrow, then he should receive it in a week as well.

————

Scaramouche sighs quietly, closing the door to his chambers gently as he simply lacks the energy for anything else. He's finding himself to be more monotonous as of late, maybe due to the temporary routine of his life. It hasn't even been two weeks since he returned to the Zapolyarny Palace and he's already getting bored of his time here.

He has to endure the Doctor's experiments since returning, doing his own fucking paperwork because while he usually has you doing it, he doesn't trust his other subordinates with it.

He does nothing but train, endure experiments, paperwork, and repeat.

And now it's time for the last part of his routine.

Paperwork.

He sits down at his desk, glaring at the stacks of paper with hatred and disdain, snatching his fountain pen aggressively to get started-

The top of the stack was an envelope with a wax seal he recognized immediately. He drops the pen and carefully (but eagerly) takes the letter and unseals the wax with practiced habit. Scaramouche doesn't realize he's smiling as the familiar scent of your perfume gets stronger when he takes out the letter. He doesn't understand why, but you've always done that with the letters.

He can't say he hates it though.

Ah, the date is from last week. Did you send this the day you got his letter?

————

06 . 15 . XXXX

To My Dearest, Loveliest, Most Criminally Insane Boss,

It's wonderful to hear from you, My Lord! It's okay to admit that you missed me too, I promise to keep it a secret.

I can't lie, I was very happy to hear that you are okay and back at the Palace that I hate spelling. I hope the Doctor hasn't been too overbearing for you, I know how much he displeases you and that's putting it lightly. Let us both pray the days go by fast for us so this month can be over.

I imagine you must have wonderful stories to tell from your time away, I expect nothing less from the mighty Harbinger such as yourself!

...

Are you getting annoyed yet? Haha! Sorry, maybe being in Liyue for this long has put me in too good of a mood lately. There are so many fascinating things about this place and so many things to learn about. Actually, tomorrow I'm taking a short vacation to visit Sal Terrae with (hopefully) my companion, Kazuki. Did you know that the God of Salt was most likely killed by her own people? Well, that's actually why I want to visit it, to confirm it myself. I doubt I'll make any paper about it, this is just to sedate my own curiosity.

I just realized you won't care for this... I don't have the energy to rewrite this though so tough luck.

Anyway, later this morning (it will already have passed by the time you get this) will be the Rite of Parting for Rex Lapis. I already told you in another letter, but that bitch dead as hell. Not to sound disrespectful, but I'm not NEARLY as interested in that as I am for the God of Salt. Hopefully, Lord Childe and Kazuki can tell me about it, I'm sure they'll both be participating.

Sorry for rambling, I tend to do that too much in all my letters don't I? Why is that? Probably because it's easier to talk to you like this when I'm not in pimp-slapping range. And I can't see the disgust on your face because I can't shut the fuck up. Sorry, ignore that.

I'll wrap this up now. You said I don't have to keep writing to you, but then I'd be making your life too easy, and we can't have that, can we?

Take care, and I'll write again next week with another update.

Your Wonderful, Favorite, Totally Amazing Servant,

[Y/n]

[L/n]

————

The Balladeer shakes his head with a smile, opening the top drawer to put it alongside the other letters he's kept. Though, he pauses right as he's about to set it down.

He sets it back on the table and opens up another drawer where he keeps his papers and envelopes.

It'd just be rude to not write back. Not that he particularly cares if he hurts your feelings or not, but this is a lot better than doing fucking paperwork.

————

06 . 21 . XXXX

To My Wonderful, Favorite, Totally Amazing Servant,

These titles are getting ridiculous, and frankly, too tiresome to write.

You're right about one thing, I DO miss you... I miss you doing all my paperwork for me, that's for damn sure. I never realized how tiresome and boring it was to do this, is this what you go through? If so, Thank GOD I won't have to do it for much longer. Once you return to my side, you're going to be very busy catching up on all the work I don't want to do.

I'm afraid I don't have anything worth sharing on my time away, so I'll have to disappoint you with that. From what you've told me, that seems to be the complete opposite of your time in Liyue. You certainly seem happier there than in Snezhnaya, perhaps you ought to stay there.

I at least know you tend to get too caught up in your research. If I didn't know any better, I could've mistaken you for a Sumeru Scholar. Maybe the Haravat Darshan would take you eagerly, though I don't know much about the Akademiya to make a proper guess.

Why don't you give me a brief essay on the God of Salt as a practice assessment once you finish your investigation? I'll determine for you whether you'll get accepted or not; I figure you'll be done with Sal Terrae once you receive this. But be warned, I won't hold back so don't disappoint me with your essay, or I'll be forced to give you a failing grade.

What did Childe tell you about the Rite of Parting? Did anything interesting happen, or is it as boring as all funerals?

You know, you're not as irritating as everyone else who works for me. If you made it sound interesting, then perhaps I can tolerate you telling me more of your knowledge in person.

No promises, though.

By the time you get this, I might already be on the way to Liyue. How about this instead of waiting for me in Liyue, why don't you start making your way to Mondstadt? The Jester wants me to do something for him in the nation of Freedom, so it'll be less of a hassle to meet you there instead. I can trust you to travel alone and make it there alive, right?

I hate to be disappointed in you over something so simple.

Your Dearest, Loveliest, Most Cri

Ugh, like I said. Too much of a hassle.

Sincerely,

Scaramouche

————————

A/N: I actually read ALL books of "Customs of Liyue" and "Records of the Gallant" from the Genshin Archives in game to get the information I wrote down. Not only that, I was walking place to place to determine the lore-accurate time it takes to get from Point A to Point B. It's a thankless job but it must be done.

#fanfiction #original character #reader insert #female reader #genshin impact wanderer #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #short story #wanderer #wanderer x reader #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche #IWYDI Fanfiction #Childe is here again #And so is Zhongli #wow #In game genshin lore takes forever to find smh

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