#IWYDI Fanfiction

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 1

[Scaramouche x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

Summary:

You hate working for the Fatui. You hate working for Scaramouche. And you just… hate Scaramouche.

He's two-faced, incorrigible, insensitive, and has an atrocious personality. Unlike yourself, he enjoys hurting others simply because he can. You know he only recruited you because he believes you have the potential to be a killer. You didn't join the Fatui because you wanted to, you joined because you needed the resources. You don't want to be turned into a weapon, but Scaramouch didn't care.

You really… really hate him.

{Also on Quotev, AO3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 1: Oh, Lore?

You smoothly fix your mask over your face when you cool off enough from the strong breeze. It was pretty stuffy in that Fatui mask despite the weather being colder than Tsaritsa's taint 24/7, you never liked wearing it. But you had no choice but to follow the regulation of keeping your uniform in check.

"[L/n]."

You look up from the report you were reading, your fellow agent was towering over you since you were sitting on a rock.

"What is it, Kazuki?" You mutter, closing the folder to hide whatever was inside.

It's not like you didn't trust Kazuki: he was the only one you could trust considering he was your best friend. But you two weren't in the same department, and you rather not expose him to the danger you had to deal with. He was special to you like that.

The pale man offers a ghost of a smile, "May I sit with you?"

You snort unattractively, "Sure, be my guest."

The rock wasn't even big enough for your ass, but maybe that was Kazuki's plan from the start. Scooting over so you're practically just sitting at the edge, the black haired agent carefully sits next to you on your conquered rock island.

You let out an undignified squeal as Kazuki's body manages to shove you off the rock. He quickly grabs your arm and pulls it against his body so you don't fall. You had to drop the report on the snow so you could steady yourself against the rock. Both you and Kazuki were laughing like morons, luckily that the other agents were inside where it protected them from the Snezhnaya weather.

"Moron," You chuckle, already feeling warm from where you and the other were flushed together, "What do you want? I don't have Mora."

Kazuki was a tall man, taller compared to the majority of people anyway. And since you're probably the one of the few people who's seen him without his Fatui mask, you can confidently say that Kazuki was, unfortunately, very attractive. His pale skin was close to perfect, minus the horizontal scar on his left cheek. His black hair was pushed back, at the front and center of his hair was pink.

His eyes were an extremely light shade of brown, almost giving it a gold hue. Though because of this, it made his tadpole pupils easily visible. This is where the pupils take an oval-like shape, though in Kazuki's case, they almost look sharp at the end.

His deep voice brings you out of your thoughts, "I don't want anything. I just wanted to check up on you since you're out here alone. I know you hate Snezhnaya weather so..."

"Aw, am I that special to you?" You tease, letting your guard down just a bit.

"Absolutely not. Go perish."

You groan, "Speaking of doing shit that seems shitty, how's it like working for Lord Tartaglia?"

The male agent sharply shakes his head. Clear message: change the subject.

"Well, if it's any consolation, Lord Scaramouche doesn't remember I exist," You add lamely, "I really think my recruitment was a mistake on his part."

Kazuki shakes his head, "I don't understand why you joined the Fatui to begin with. This is no place for someone like you."

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"That you're too soft."

"Oh." That's pretty much true so you can't even say anything! "I didn't wanna get chosen by Lord Scaramouche, but apparently he thought I was most suited for his field since he commands the Skirmishers."

Kazuki raises a brow, "And how do you know that?"

"Well... Do you remember three months ago, the night of our personal recruitment's to the Harbingers?"

——

You wouldn't consider yourself talented in anything or skilled in areas that are remarkable. But you do pride yourself in being able to sweet talk your way into and out of situations, and your invisibility. Not that you're dIfFeReNt AnD qUiRkY and no one ever notices you, but you're an absolute fucking master at sneaking into places you do not belong in.

It's not often that Harbingers will recruit for direct subordinates, so when you (and Kazuki) were given the chance, you put on your best show in hopes of attracting the attention of a low ranking Harbinger.

That's right, you wanted to work for someone like Il Dottore. He's a researcher, and in your opinion, the most pacifistic department. You also heard he's not fond of Vision-wielders, so you thought he would've loved to have someone like you.

But no.

That's not what happened.

You knelled down in front of the door that led into Scaramouche's office, taking a long, thin, metallic tool from your pocket. You stuck the tool into the lock and began to twist and turn the device to pick at the door.

You're probably expecting some deep lore for the reason why you're a lock-picking master, but honestly you just learned it to impress your friends when you were a kid.

Anyway, you don't have a Vision, and honestly you're grateful for that. You've seen what happens to those who's Visions are taken away or destroyed. And if your own personal research has made you learn anything, you're not too eager about being granted into Celestia.

You openly displayed disgust when the recruitment reports. You, along with a handful of other brutish Fatui agents, were selected to be direct subordinates of the Balladeer: Scaramouche, Number Six of the Fatui Harbingers.

Not only that, he appointed you as his second in command simply because you're quiet (around him).

You bit your tongue from cheering out loud when a familiar click came from the door. You pulled the tool out and stuffed it back into your uniform. You quickly stood up and opened the door, slipping inside and quietly closing it behind yourself.

You sighed in relief when you didn't see anyone in the room. Perhaps it was extremely reckless to not check before entering, but that was just a flaw you needed to work on. Noticing the stack of folders on Scaramouche's plain desk, you quickly made your way to the other side of the room.

——

"YOU BR-" Kazuki quickly lowers his voice to a whisper, "You broke into Lord Scaramouche's office?!"

"Yeh."

"Holy fuck. How are you not dead?!"

"Let me finish."

——

Each folder was plain and unmarked, you had to open each one and skim for your name to find your folder. There were so many folders, and from what you gathered, three folders belonged to one person. One for their medical/physical information, one for their specialty, and if they wielded a vision or not, and the last one was personal information about the person's detailed background.

You weren't interested in anyone else other than yourself and Kazuki, and Scaramouche wouldn't have your friends' folder, so you only searched for your own.

Skimming through the first files for your name, then separating it three at a time, you begin searching more frantically when you start reaching the bottom and you've yet to see your report.

Maksim, Ivac, Andrei, Lena, [L/n- That's mine!

On the fucking bottom of the pile were your reports, no doubt Scaramouche did that on fucking purpose.

You organize the other folders neatly as they were before, leaving yours out to read it.

[Y/n] [L/n]

21

Female

[Height]

[Weight]

——

"Ugh," Kazuki scrunches his nose, "If I ever go missing, do not put my weight on the missing poster. I promise I won't come back."

——

[Eye Color]

[Hair Color]

Agent 241100

You shake your head and check your specialty folder. You don't think you can see how much the Fatui knows about your family, it might break you.

You skim through the folder to the last page where you see notes written in a different font and color. You're pretty sure this is Scaramouche's own notes on your person.

Wields no Vision, yet she is exceptionally more talented and stronger than the other incompetent agents who do wield Visions. She uses a Claymore, but is surprisingly fast with her attacks and just as powerful. I've heard she wants to be on a researching branch, or a collector, or something of the sorts. But that will be a waste of talent, which is why I recruited her before that idiot Childe could. The brat hesitates with harming the others during training, no doubt it will become a liability later on. But with enough exposure, she could become the perfect killer and wea-

"And what do you think you're doing?"

You slam the folder closed and spin around to face the door since your dumbass had your back towards the entrance.

You widen your eyes, just realizing that you forgotten your mask with Kazuki in the main room where other agents just fuck around.

You grin nervously, "I... Lord Tartaglia...!"

——

"HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD, [Y/N]?!" Kazuki shouts too close to your ear.

You frown and rub your ear against your shoulder, "Well, stop interrupting me, Nao, and I'll tell you!"

"Fine."

"Fine!"

——

"What are you doing here?" Tartaglia crossed his arms, an expression mixed with a smile and a scold, "You are aware this is Scaramouche's office."

"Wh-uh, w-what are you doing here, hm? Lord Tartaglia?"

You messily shoved your folders under the pile since you were doing it behind your back. You're sure Tartaglia wasn't blind to it, considering he was fucking looking right at you.

"You must've picked the lock, the door wasn't all the way closed," Tartaglia amused you, "Now, explain yourself. I'd hate to have you executed for treason."

"Treason? Isn't that a bit uh-an overreaction?" You bit the inside of your cheek, "I-I just wanted to check why Lord Scaramouche chose me as his direct subordinate. I'm not a Skirmisher, and I did my best to make it perfectly clear that I wanted the most pacifistic branch..."

You turn your gaze to the side, silently referring to the folders behind you on the desk, "I have no other motives, I just wanted to know why the Archons have forsaken me."

You hear a soft puff of air from Tartaglia before the sound of footsteps. You keep your gaze down, knowing better than to look a Harbinger in the eyes.

"Does Scaramouche explain why he recruited you?" Tartaglia asked as he stopped by your side, nudging you to move so he could look at the files.

"Yes, sir. Well, I think so? Something about how he can turn me into a weapon and a killer if the fucker traumatizes me enough," You scoffed.

"Ha-ha! Is that so?"

"Oh!" Shit, you forgot who you were talking to, "I-I mean-I'm so sorry! I mean no disrespect towards Lord Scara-"

"-No, don't worry about it," Tartaglia said dismissively as he picked up your folder from the bottom, "He's certainly unpleasant, I'll give you that. Where are his notes?"

"Second folder, last page."

Tartaglia follows your instructions, grabbing the folder and opening it to the last page. You keep watch of the door, watching and listening for any intruders since Tartaglia didn't bother closing the door. You're sure he did it on purpose so if Scaramouche does come in, the blame would quickly fall on you.

Fucker.

"Interesting. You're a skilled fighter, [L/n]?" Tartaglia mused, "And you hid this fact from me? How rude."

"I'm not-" You felt your eyelid twitch, "-I don't like fighting. That's why I hope to be recruited by someone lame like Lord Dottore. Or even you, so I can just collect debts."

Tartaglia hummed quietly for a moment. You push yourself off the desk, stretching your arms above your head. You're actually preparing yourself to die right now. You disrespected not one, but two Harbingers in front of Tartaglia, got caught breaking into a superior's office, and you didn't even properly greet Tartaglia like you were supposed to.

You're honestly surprised to have lived so long anyway.

"Well, get out of here already," Tartaglia picks up your second folder to read it, not bothering to look at you, "If you leave now, you won't get caught."

You blink in surprise, "I... Lord Tartaglia-"

The ginger finally looks at you with a grin, though it doesn't reach his eyes. Later you learn that it never does.

"-Leave, before I throw the blame on you and say you picked the lock."

You bow deeply in gratitude, "Thank you, Lord Tarta-"

"-Childe."

"...Yes, thank you, Lord Childe."

——

Kazuki whistles loudly, "Wow..."

"Yep," You cling to Kazuki's arm as you pick up the report you have dropped, "And I guess he kept his word since I'm still alive and Lord Scaramouche hasn't said anything to me yet."

Kazuki suddenly stands up, causing you to fall off the rock and land in the cold snow.

"You fucker! You couldn't give me a warning?! This is why I have trust issues, Nao! You have any-"

"-Let's go inside, [Y-er, [L/n]," Kazuki's tone is suddenly more monotonous as he reaches his hand out, "I actually came out here to get you. Lord Scaramouche requested for you."

"You motherfucker."

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 2

[Scaramouche x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 2: You Get Slapped Twice

You sigh quietly when you knock against Scaramouche's office door.

The other Fatui agents had looked at you with some sort of judgement when you entered the building with Kazuki. You always made the effort to separate yourself from everyone else, so your reputation with the others was pretty shit. It's not like you were hated (hopefully), but they probably wouldn't go out of their way to save your ass if they saw you getting attacked.

That being said, they were all openly praying for you when you made your way to Scaramouche's office. Kazuki even hugged you before you left??

"I didn't tell you right away because I wanted to spend one last moment with you," Kazuki had told you, "Out of everyone I have ever met, I've always hated you the least."

You're gonna die for sure. <3

Scaramouche's voice snaps from the other side: "What."

That was the cue and permission to enter. Just his special way of showing he cares or whatever. You open the door and step inside, immediately feeling the overwhelming presence of the Balladeer. You close the door behind yourself, getting on your right knee to show false respect towards the Harbinger.

"My Lord, you wanted to see me?"

You kept your voice flat and bored, your expression was half hidden by your mask, though it was for naught as your face is devoid of emotion.

"Where were you during the meeting?" Scaramouche asks, not looking up from whatever paperwork he was completing.

"Reviewing the reports from my last deployment," You keep your response short, as you learned that Scaramouche hated the chatty ones, "I apologize for my absence."

"Did something go wrong?"

Why does he care?

"..."

You open your mouth but quickly close it again.

He doesn't care, he probably asked just to tell you to shut up. You see him do that with other agents, and you're not feeling like you're up for his sass.

"Whatever, I don't really care," Scaramouche sighs, "Start packing your bags, we're going to Liyue tomorrow morning with Tartaglia."

"Fuck."

"What was that?"

Ah shit. You didn't mean to say that out loud. The air is tense, there's no going back now. You're going to regret this opening your stupid mouth.

"With all due respect, My Lord-"

You wince when you hear Scaramouche push the chair back to stand up. He's walking towards you.

"-This is a sudden decision and a departure to a nation across Teyvat requires more planning. Not only that, my recent report-"

SMACK!

Your cheek burns from the aftermath, and you thank your luck for not falling over from that painful, backhanded slap. You bite your tongue to stop yourself from yelling in anger, and you dig your fingers into your palm so you don't slap him back.

This is exactly why you never fucking talk to Scaramouche.

"Get ready for tomorrow, [L/n]," Scaramouche smirks sadistically, "I'd hate to kill you so soon. You're the most tolerable second in command I've had so far."

You don't respond, not because you know to stay quiet, but because you don't want to waste your breath for someone like him. You stand up and keep your head low, stuffing your hands into your pockets to hide that your fists are shaking with aggression.

"Yes, My Lord. Is there anything else?" You ask quietly.

"Hm... yeah. Now that you mention it, I was going to do it myself, but since you're here..." Scaramouche walks to his desk to grab a few papers, "Do you know where Tartaglia is?"

You furrow your brows, "Yes, My Lord. He's-"

"-Just take these to him and tell him the plans for the departure," Scaramouche basically thrusts the papers at you, so you had no choice but to get them, "Can you handle that?"

Motherfucker is mocking you.

"Yes, sir," You bite back, "Would you like a coffee with that order?"

"Watch your tongue."

You look down at the papers and frown. You've only spoken to Tartaglia that one time, and you're honestly praying he won't recognize you. He might want to fight you or something.

You bow slightly before leaving the office, jogging down the halls to find the ginger bread man. Scaramouche rolls his eyes at your departure, heading back to his desk to complete the paperwork.

He doesn't like how simultaneously expressive and monotonous you are. You have so much fighting spirit, but your delivery is so dry. It's most definitely a front you display in front of him since you know how to behave. But Scaramouche wishes you can hide that true part of yourself better.

...

He doesn't know why.

——

You lean your back against the wall, watching Tartaglia beat the living shit out of his subordinates in the largest training room. That included Kazuki, so it was amusing to see his cocky ass get ate.

The Zapolyarny Palace was home to many Harbingers and Fatui agents. While there were a few from each group that had their own homes out of the palace they lived in, you unfortunately lived with the majority in the damn palace.

Sure, staying in the same building with the Tsaritsa was epic and all, but... you're not a die-hard worshiper like most people. In fact, you don't really have a favorite Archon. You thought Barbatos was pretty nifty, but that's about it.

Joining the Fatui wasn't to devote yourself to the Tsaritsa and her mysterious plans. You joined because you're curious about the truth behind Khae-

"[L/n]?"

You're brought back when Kazuki calls out to you. Poor Kazuki was laying on the floor and panting with exhaustion. Tartaglia was standing above him victoriously, a sadistic smile plastered his face.

"Kazuki," You nod in acknowledgement, both of you keeping it strictly professional when you're around others.

Tartaglia looks at you and widens his eyes a bit: "[L/n]? Oh, I remember you!"

Ah shit.

"Lord Tartaglia," You bow deeply, "it's a pleasure."

"Hey, didn't I tell you to call me Childe?" The Harbinger chuckles as he steps over Kazuki towards you.

"Oh, yes. Apologies, Lord Childe."

"No, just... ah, we'll work on it," The ginger sighs, "Did you come for your friend here? Or did you finally miss me enough to come find me?"

You see Kazuki in your peripheral vision pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation. You almost do the same.

"Oh, how did you know?" You reply humorlessly, showing Childe the papers, "Actually, Lord Scaramouche made me his messenger girl. He wanted me to inform you that his branch will be departing to Liyue with you tomorrow morning. And he wanted me to give you these."

Childe raises a brow as he takes them. You see his eyes move side to side as he quickly reads through the first paper.

"Hm... Well, me and my subordinates were actually supposed to take this ship to Liyue for some business as well. It seems Scaramouche wants to preserve resources and have us both leave tomorrow." Childe summarizes for you.

Which he really didn't need to. Maybe he's just being friendly so you can drop your guard just so he can find a weakness and exploit it.

He then frowns, "That's way too soon for a spontaneous trip. The ship won't have room for all of us if Scaramouche plans on bringing all his subordinates."

You simply stand there with your hands behind your back, listening to Childe's woes quietly. Not that the gossip will help you, but you can never be too careful about observing people for later references.

"What do you think, Wakus Bonkus [L/n]?"

You frown, not understanding why your opinion matters for this.

"I-"

"Ooh! You naughty, Wankus Bonkus!"

"-Actually! Come with me, won't you, [L/n]?" Childe starts walking out of room, "You too, Kuzashi!"

"It's Kazuki," The male in question sighs quietly as he pushes himself to stand.

You wait for your comrade before you two leave the room, quickly trailing after the Harbinger who took long strides.

"You're alive," Kazuki says with wonder.

"No shit, Sherlock," You scoff out a laugh, "Wait, no!"

You skip ahead to walk in front of Kazuki, walking backwards so you can face him.

"Kazuki~! Kazuki~~!" You sing in a low and "spooky" tone, "This is the ghost of [L/n]~! I've come back with a warning~!"

The brunette rolls his eyes, though you couldn't see thanks to his mask. You snicker quietly and spin around to walk normally.

"Lord Scaramouche just wanted to yell at someone, honestly," You said, "He wanted to tell me about the departure to Liyue for tomorrow morning. Apparently, he also wanted us to tag along with Lord Tartaglia and his subordinates. Something about saving the resources?"

"What? But... You guys can't leave Snezhnaya yet. Your recent report about-"

"-Yeah, I tried telling him that but he fucking pimp slapped me into the next nation."

You're pretty sure you heard Childe snort.

"...Are you okay?"

"What, are you worried about me? Don't be getting soft on me, Kazuki."

"Well, fuck you too, then."

"Charming." You tense up suddenly when Childe stops in front of Scaramouche's office, "Lord Childe, why are we here?"

Childe knocks on the door twice before opening it, "I'm coming in, Scaramouche."

God dammit, Childe.

You wait until Childe enters the office before you silently throw a tantrum and stomp towards the office. Kazuki was watching that happen with deep understanding in his eyes.

"What do you want?" You hear Scaramouche spit out before you enter the office with Kazuki.

You almost wave awkwardly when Scaramouche looks at you with, what you believe is to be, disgust. The Balladeer pushes his chair back and marches around the table and towards you. You honestly expect him to beat you up right then and there.

"Did you bring him?"

"What is this about your trip to Liyue tomorrow?" Childe interrupts with a frown, "This is too soon for your departure, especially with the amount of people that will be coming."

Scaramouche frowns, "Deal with it. I have no other business to attend to here, so I might as well head to what concerns me next. The next ship heading to Liyue doesn't arrive until next month, I'm not waiting that long."

You feel Kazuki's eyes on you, you had to bite your tongue to not speak up. Unfortunately, the Archons have chosen you to be their silliest clown for today.

"And you, [L/n]?" Childe crosses his arms as he turns to look at you with expectancy, "What is your opinion on this?"

...

Wat?

You widen your eyes from behind your mask and shake your head, instinctively taking a step back when you see Scaramouche get closer in your peripheral vision.

"Oh, I—don't-my opinion isn't-"

"-No, tell me, [L/n]." Scaramouche was suddenly standing in front of you, causing you to flinch, "You clearly have something to say. Then say it."

Childe is literally dead to you now. If you weren't a subordinate, you would've given Childe a look that read exactly as "I fucking hate you".

"Well... Two months ago I received an "anonymous tip" from a Fatui agent who received that tip from a civilian somewhere in Snezhnaya," You made air quotes when needed, then placed your hands on you hips, "Apparently, a Treasure Hoarder group had ambushed some Fatui and stole not only their equipment, but also the Visions from those who had it."

Scaramouche frowns, "Yeah, I remember that. I sent you out to deal with it."

You nod, "Right. The Treasure Hoarders were dealt with, but we lost a handful of men and their entire beings disappeared. However, those Treasure Hoarders were no doubt killed."

You had made the order for their execution, but you didn't stick around to see the monstrosity you made your soldiers become. You couldn't handle it.

"So, what's the issue?"

"Two days ago, when it was my day off, I got um..." You furrow your eyebrows to think, "I guess ambushed is the correct term, but I wasn't in danger. Anyway, I got a surprise visit from a random civilian. She told me that she was the one who sent that anonymous tip from before. But she had actually deceived us at that time."

Kazuki crosses his arms, "And how did she recognize you?"

"Her son was one of my subordinates, and he was the one who gave me that tip in the first place. He gave a detailed description of my appearance to her just so she could come find me."

"What happened next?" Childe asks with a serious expression.

"Well, two months ago, she and her son, Isaac, were beaten near death by several groups of Treasure Hoarders. They took Isaac hostage and stole his Vision, then they threatened to kill his mother if Issac didn't agree to cooperate and become a supplier. So, Isaac led a group of agents to a false camp site to get ambushed. And that was the version of events we were exposed to."

You had kept your voice monotonous the entirety of your explanation, not wanting Scaramouche to have a reason for calling you emotional or whatever. Either way, it just comes naturally to you when talking to the Harbingers.

"But I guess those agents we thought were dead, are actually still alive and are part of the Treasure Hoarders. They've been using their Visions and equipment to replicate the technology, armor, and weapons. Isaac is probably dead, but it's for sure known that he at least stopped cooperating with them. I haven't heard from his mother since two days ago."

You hold your hands behind your back, waiting in the tense silence for what the Harbingers might say.

"[L/n]..."

SMACK!!

You could barely see the hand coming towards you, the next thing you knew, you were on the floor with no doubt a bright handprint burning your right cheek. Your mask had flown off from the force, causing it to slide against the floor and out of your reach.

This motherfucker slapped you.

Again.

You...

Really hate Scaramouche so fucking much.

Kazuki takes a step towards you in concern, but he remembers where he is and stops. Folding his arms behind himself to preserve his image, Kazuki looks away, opting to just look at your mask.

"Scaramouche-"

"-I deal with my subordinates however I see fit, Tartaglia," The Balladeer says coldly, cutting off the ginger, "I'm staying in Snezhnaya after all. It seems I haven business to take care of."

You can taste your blood pooling in your mouth from how hard and suddenly you bit your tongue. You keep your head down and stay where you are, knowing that behaving like this will make him happy about "making you submit".

"Our business seems to be done now, correct?" Scaramouche starts walking to his desk, "Leave. All of you. I'm getting tired of looking at you."

Well, Childe didn't want to keep looking at Scaramouche either! He grabs your mask and leaves the room without another word. Kazuki was quick to follow while you were just getting up from the floor.

"Come back tomorrow morning after Tartaglia is to depart," Scaramouche says, "You don't want me to be the one to seek you out first."

"Yes, My Lord," You mutter quietly to keep your lips as closed as you could to stop the blood from seeping out.

And with that, you leave his office for the 2nd time that day with a bruise already coloring your face. You close the door behind yourself and immediately turn your head to the side to spit out a surprising amount of blood.

Gross.

You hear Childe telling Kazuki some orders, but you were more focused on spitting out the metallic liquid to actually pay attention to what was said. When you hear a pair of footsteps grow distant, you assume Childe has left you alone. You pull down your sleeve and wipe at your mouth to rid of any red that may have stained your lips.

"Here," Childe's gloved hand (even though the glove looked like it was halfway on) holds out your mask to you, "Is... Scaramouche always like that?"

Childe's eyebrows were furrowed together, a small frown etching his lips. You can't help but notice that his two red earrings compliment his blue eyes. You've always acknowledged that Childe looks pretty, but it was more of a physical thing. His personality is starting to shine through in making him more attractive.

You smile softly, "Thank you... And yes. But you learn to tune it out... Or so I've been told by an apparent liar."

Childe chuckles, "I didn't mean to get you in trouble like that. But also, you did save me from an unpleasant trip with him, so I guess I owe you one."

"No, there's no need," You don't bother putting your mask back, "You're the reason why I was able to get a word in at all. So, I should be thanking you, Lord Childe."

He shakes his head: "Just Childe."

"Lord Childe."

"Childe."

"Master Childe?"

"Childe."

"Sir Childe?"

"..."

"Childe, sir?" You couldn't help the grin, "Mr. Man Childe Sir?"

The blue eyed male rolls his eyes with a grin matching yours, "Alright, alright, wise guy. You should get some rest now, no doubt your boss will run you ragged tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know," You sigh and begin to bow, "Have a g-"

"-You don't need to do that," Childe pats your arm to get you to stand up right, "We're more like casual friends, don't you think? Relax a little."

Uh-

"O-Okay," You smile nervously, your habits yelling at you to stop being so expressive with a Harbinger, "Have a good night, Lor-erm, Childe."

"Good night, girlie."

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 4

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 4: You are an Embarrassment

The trip was a bit awkward in your opinion. Not once have you had to endure Scaramouche's company alone. Never had he allowed an expedition with less than five subordinates (NOT including yourself) with him, let alone just you.

You two matched in terms of immediate attire: long, thick coats that reached to your calves, the seams lined with thick fur. Neither of you had your hoods up, in your boss' case, it was because he was wearing his big ass hat. Your fatui mask was getting uncomfortably cold against your face.

It was silent the entire trip, minus the few, quiet swears from the cold, and frustrated grumbling from you as you took this time to review new reports.

The budget from a recent mission you had was smaller than you expected, so you were trying to do the math quietly. You were trying to determine how much of a percentage raise you'd need to include for next time. Your usual deployment was a consistency of five different Skirmishers and two Mirror Maidens.

Including yourself, that's eight mouths to feed, eight wardrobes to prepare, eight bodies to equip weapons to, eight people to provide efficient funds to-

"Oh!"

You cheer suddenly as you scribble on the paper with lead. It's a material that had originated from Fontaine: a thin, wooden stink with black graphite in the center. It was a lot more convenient than inks and brushes.

You hope you're actually writing though, night had just arrived so it was hard to see what you're writing.

You continue to babble out loud without realizing: "I just need to add 13%, then an additional 20% for the send-off fee-"

"-Shut up."

"You shut up."

…

…

Wait.

FUCK!

The materials from your hands disappear into the aether as you frantically wave your hands in defense, stepping away from the pissed off Scaramouche.

"WH-I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I-I AM SO SORRY, MY LORD! I-IT'S A HORRIBLE HABIT I HAVE WITH MY COMRA-"

"-You're dead."

"I'M SORRRYYYYY."

You don't waste a fucking second before you're running the fuck away. Lucky for you, you've done more traveling in Snezhnaya than Scaramouche has. Running in the thick snow was a breeze for you as you had learned the hard way on how to tread these lands.

Scaramouche on the other hand…

"Get back here right now!"

The poor dude was stumbling in the cold with uneven footing that helped the winds push him around. You think you can fire not too far-

"OW!!"

Hot, white pain shoots up your spine, causing you to drop to your knees. You look back at the Balladeer with so much judgement in your eyes.

"DID YOU JUST FUCKING ZAP ME!?!?"

"Get the fuck over here!"

"Not until you calm down!!"

You scramble back to your feet only to get fucking tackled by the damn Harbinger. Unfortunately, neither you nor Scaramouche realized that you were right by a cliff; you both fell over and rolled down the snow.

Instinctively wanting to protect the Harbinger at all cost (despite the fact he wants to kill you), you hug him tightly to your body while forcing your shoulders back into the snow. The friction does little good to slow you down, but it keeps you two from rolling like dumb-asses.

And all too sudden, your body hits a particularly sharp rock. It does manage to stop you and Scaramouche, but you also feel it pierce through your thick coat.

You survived, but at what cost?

You won the battle, but lost the war.

Your entire backside is unbearably cold, and you think you can feel blood beginning to seep from where the rock is jabbing.

You relax your arms from Scaramouche, panic that he's not moving (but he is breathing slightly fast). You noticed his hat had fallen off, but it was okay since you could see it slowly slide down the hill, bumping against your feet.

Shit. Your mask is gone too.

But first things first…

You awkwardly tap his arm, "Are you oka-"

"-Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

You tilt your head back into the snow to see who the fuck it was. It was 3 men with heavy coats. There was a brunette with blue eyes with a bandanna covering the lower half of his face.

The other two had black hair and looked almost identical, most likely twins. The only difference was their eyes: one had light green eyes, the other had a heterochromia of light green, and medium brown.

You chuckle nervously, "Ah-ha, hi there. Um… we kind of… fell."

"We saw." The heterochromia eyed man grins, "Funny shit."

"Well… that's just embarrassing, huh?" Scaramouche chuckles weakly.

You wince when he pushes himself off you, a small smile gracing his features. You know that face and tone: it's "nice" Scaramouche. The facade he uses around those who are not to know you're Fatui.

As you sit up, you check Scaramouche for any injuries. It amuses you how he tenses up at the attention, he has to keep the act up and not pimp slap you in front of these people. You sigh in relief when nothing seems to be wrong, already brushing the snow off the Harbinger

"At least it's just these nice folks, and not some stupid hilichurls." You said softly, noting the Balladeer's fists are clenched on his lap.

"The hell are you two doing out here?" The brunette furrows his eyebrows, "The nearest town isn't for miles, and I doubt you're dumb enough to take a romantic stroll in this weather."

"Actually, we-ACHOO!!"

Oh so violently, you sneeze into the crook of your elbow. You groan quietly as you and Scaramouche stand up from the snow.

"Ugh, excuse me," You chuckle humorlessly.

Scaramouche takes a few steps away to take his hat that's getting buried in the snow.

"We should get going now," Scaramouche says, "You're going to get sick at this rate, and I-"

"-Well, why don't you two rest with us for tonight?" The twin with green eyes offer with a smile, "There's actually going to be a rough storm in-"

As if the Gods themselves were timing it, lightning strikes in the far distance. A light drizzle begins to settle.

"-Right now, actually." The man continues, "I'd feel really guilty if we just let you continue like this when you're getting sick."

You tense up and shake your head, "Oh, no! That's not-I-I mean, I don't want to impose! Plus, your friends might not-"

"-It's fine," The brunette shakes his head, "It's just until the storm clears up."

The twins nod simultaneously.

"It's not a problem at all."

"It's no problem."

"Hm… Okay," Scaramouche sighs, "Sorry for the intrusion."

"Sorry f-ACHOO!!"

Damn, you're embarrassing yourself.

"Oh!" The twin with green eyes pipes up with a grin as he gestures towards himself, "My name is Ivan, and this is my brother Isaac!"

You all look at the brunette with blue eyes who had the bandana still covering half his face.

"...I'm Noah."

You laugh lightly as you begin walking first, "It's nice to meet you all! You can call me [Y/n]!"

Scaramouche refrains the urge to frown, "Call me Kunikuzushi."

Kunikuzushi? How did he come up with that name so quickly? And you noticed the way he presented that name: he was talking to ALL of you. Letting you know that you're supposed to call him that, as well.

"Kunikuzushi?" Noah scoffs under his breath as he leads you to their camp, "That doesn't sound like a local name."

"I'm a vagrant from Inazuma," The Harbinger flawlessly lies, "It's certainly colder here, that's for sure."

"So," You scrunch up your nose as you feel another sneeze coming, your voice quickly rising in pitch as you talk faster with every passing word, "What are you aLL DOING OUTINTHISWEATH-ACHOO!!"

Smooth.

Ivan laughs at your misery, "We're just traveling. When we noticed the storm, we decided to stop for tonight."

You smile in gratitude, "Well, thank you for the hospitality."

----

"My Lord."

"What."

"I am… so sorry."

Ivan, Isaac, and Noah are inside their huge ass tent to get you and Scaramouche thicker blankets, something hot for you to eat, and medicine. You and the Balladeer were sitting by the fire that was quickly dying out.

Well, if it weren't for Scaramouche that is. He was tending to it with a watchful eye on a log close to the fire. Occasionally, he'd zap the wood with his mysterious Electro ability, that he's capable of using without a Vision, to keep it hot. But there was a metal rod stuck in there, he mainly used that to tend the fire.

"Whatever. You're bound to say "shut up" by reflex now since you work for me." Scaramouche shrugs.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, "Huh? No, I'm not sorry for that."

The Harbinger snaps, "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry for getting-ACHOO!... Sick." You groan, completely ignoring his previous offense, "And for um… getting us knocked down that hill."

Scaramouche doesn't bother correcting you that it was actually HIM who knocked you both over.

"Gods, and I lost my mask. It's so unprofessional."

Scaramouche almost wants to say it's not a bad thing, that your face is a sight for sore eyes. But fuck that noise.

"On the bright side," You continue after sneezing again, "Noah is a good name. He's a member of the Treasure Hoarders we're after. I don't know about Ivan and Isaac, though."

Scaramouche stays silent for a while, so you assume the conversation is done.

You sink into the log you're sitting on, sighing into the thick fur coat you were given. It smells… like something. Maybe it's one of those guys' scent? Can't say you hate it, though. It's… it's actually pretty good and comforting.

"[L/n]."

"Hm?"

You haven't realized you closed your eyes, but you ain't about to open them. You're just basking in the coat.

Ah, you might fall asleep, you feel so tired and weak. Maybe it's because you failed to inform anyone of the wound on your side. You don't think it's bleeding anymore, but it's not even cleaned or wrapped.

"[L/n]."

"Yes, My Lord?" You repeat yourself.

"Sit back up," You can hear the eye-roll Scaramouche gives you, "You can rest after those morons come back with your food and crap."

You reluctantly open your eyes and sway in your spot, "Yes, sir."

"And don't call me that now. If they overhear you, it'll be hard explaining yourself."

"Yes, si-erm, Kunikuzushi."

"..."

"..."

"I just told you not to fall asleep."

Oh shit, you didn't realize you closed your eyes again.

"But I'm tiredddddd," You whine childishly, "And this coat is so warm and it smells good."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

You open your eyes to see Noah walking up to you, eyes colored in amusement. Noah still had that bandana covering his mouth, but you just know he's fucking smirking. He has a small blue bottle, spoon, bandages, gauze, and a large white bottle sitting all on top of a folded blanket.

"Ugh, please ignore that. That's so embarrassing," You sink in the coat to hide half your face, "I just-you know, I'm sick. I don't know what I'm talking about."

Noah shakes his head, "It's fine. I won't tease anymore. Move over, won't you?"

You do as you're asked, looking at Scaramouche with a pointed look. Keep an eye on Noah.

Noah places the blanket down on the ground near the fire. He then looks at you and tugs lightly at your coat.

"Take this off, let's clean that wound on your rib." He instructs.

"You… How do you know-"

"-I saw you bleed through your coat," Noah explains, "It wouldn't do anyone good if you died or got infected. And I wouldn't be able to sleep at night without a clear conscience."

You sigh through your nose and begin taking off the coat. You fold it onto the log on your side. You begin to unbutton the coat you had on previous, only for Noah to stop your hands with his.

"Uh, maybe wait until I leave," Noah clears his throat nervously, "Your boyfriend looks like he'll kill me. He can clean you up since your wound is pretty… uh… yeah."

Boyfriend??

Very nervously and very hesitantly, you look over to Scaramouche. He was fucking glaring at Noah for no reason. He was leaned over and everything, being very obvious with his glare.

You're about to deny that Scaramouche was anyone close to you, but you never get the chance to.

"Exactly, just give me 10 minutes," Scaramouche stands up and slowly stalks over, "You're not touching her."

… Hah?

Noah nods and gets up, waving before he walks over to the tent where Isaac and Ivan were in.

You blink owlishly, "Was… that necessary, Kunikuzushi?"

"You said so yourself that Noah is someone we have to watch out for." Scaramouche frowns, "As if I'd let my best ass-kisser get poisoned carelessly."

You roll your eyes, "Fine, okay. I'd prefer addressing my own wounds, anyway."

Scaramouche throws his head back, "HA! As if! Move over, I'll do it. I already said I would anyway."

"I-... O-Okay…" You resume stripping your coat with reluctance, "But… was going along as my boyfriend necessary, too?"

He deadpans at you as he sits next to you.

You shake your head: "Never mind. It's-really not important."

"No," Scaramouche mutters, "it's not."

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 7

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 7: He Totally Loves Your Letters

Fiddling nervously with your hands, you sit silently at the table while Childe, Zhongli, Kazuki... and two other people talk with each other about the recent passing of Rex Lapis, the God of Geo, and, like, 50 other fancy titles.

You're not gonna lie, his "death" was a little funny to you. Honestly, it kind of looked like Lady Ningguang was the one who did it. She did this whole performance thing and shot this power into the sky. Two seconds later, a great dragon fell out of the sky dead as hell.

No one seems to think about it like that, though.

Anyway, the two other guests that Zhongli and Childe were talking to were:

The Traveler and Paimon.

They are the man(s), the myth, the legend...

The Traveler, who introduced himself as Aether, was actually very pretty. You first confused him as a young man, a potential little baby, a little son you can spoil because he's just a little guy. But alas, that is not the case with him. He looked a little sad when he had to correct you about his age.

You and Kazuki were already with Zhongli at Liuli Pavilion when Childe arrived with Aether and Paimon. That's when you officially met them both, and Aether's aura was one of someone who has lived and experienced more than you can ever imagine. Aether wasn't very talkative, instead the weird fairy, Paimon, did most of it on his behalf.

Kazuki puts a hand on your bouncing thigh, giving you a passive look. Calm down, he's telling you.

You smile at him.

You were only nervous since you were unsure if the Traveler and Paimon knew of your true identity, and you didn't want to go around announcing that if you could help it.

"In fact," Zhongli looks at you with a smile, "[Y/n], why don't you accompany us? You have always shown interest in my work before, and I can allow you to witness it firsthand just this once if you'd like."

Wait, what? You were not paying attention.

"Uh, I–Sorry, I zoned out," You laugh nervously, "What did you want my help with?"

"It's not like you to be so out of focus," Kazuki teases, nudging your leg.

You scoff, "Leave me alone, I zoned out for not even a minute."

Childe chuckles, "The Traveler, Paimon, and Mr. Zhongli were just discussing the fulfillment of the memorial service for the passing of Rex Lapis. I agree with him, I think it'd be a good opportunity for you to learn. You do always ask him about it, after all."

You laugh sheepishly, embarrassed at how easily they keep revealing that.

It's not that you're super interested in the work of a funeral consultant, more so the stories Zhongli always shared about the clients. He always knows so much, and he's so knowledgeable about that dead person's life, and you don't know why, but you just love hearing about it.

You wouldn't consider yourself a "dang I love people" type of person, but life itself is so wonderful to you. You love hearing about life through a person who seemed like he experienced so much of it.

After all, your fascination with life itself is the reason why you became a Fatui, to begin with. You're given resources to travel the world and study the land under the guise of doing work. You especially love learning about the history of Teyvat, the Abyss, Celestia, and Khaenri'ah, kind of like lore hunting.

"Is-Is it really okay if I come, Mr. Zhongli?"

Still, you have to ask. Childe never hid his identity from Zhongli, so you never bothered either, he knows you three are of Fatuus. Is it really okay with him if you go along knowing that there's the possibility that your superior will ask something suspicious of you?

La Signora hasn't yet, but still. Surely he knows?

He nods with a smile, "Of course. I wouldn't have offered otherwise."

You light up and sit up straighter, "Then yeah! Of course! Thank you for having me!"

"Hm," The brunette nods, "Now then if we have agreed, come with me. We will speak of the details as we walk."

It wasn't until after your group left (leaving poor Kazuki with Childe) that the ginger asked his subordinate a question.

"Do you think... [Y/n] would be upset with me if I had asked her to be a double agent while with Mr. Zhongli?"

Kazuki nods immediately, "Yes, My Liege. Unfortunately, you two are friends now. Though she tries not to show it, she is quite sensitive. Especially when it comes to the topic of friends. Why do you think before meeting you, she was only friends with me?"

"I just thought she was a loner," Childe raises a brow.

"No. Her philosophy is: that betrayal hurts because it can only come from the people you care about. And in this line of business, that is inevitable. Now that you are her friend, you fall under that category," The Pyro vision user hums as he sloshes around the drink in his hand, "I personally have no issue with it, but for [Y/n], never mix friends and business with her."

Tartaglia had to think to himself for a moment, wondering if it was a good idea to become your friend at all. He doesn't regret it, but it does make situations like these more difficult. It took a while for you to even want to warm up to him, so... No, he doesn't want to risk it so soon by asking you to spy on your guys' mutual friend.

"Wait," Childe frowns at Kazuki, "What did you mean earlier when you said, "Unfortunately we're friends?"

The man with light brown eyes smirks very slightly, nearly unnoticeable, "Because you are a Harbinger, My Liege. And your task here requires violent actions, remember? You're going to do something that upsets her, and she's going to cut you off. It's inevitable."

...

Childe slams his forehead on the table.

Well... fuck.

————

You lightly smack your cheek, blinking hard to keep yourself awake so late into the night so you don't pass out in the middle of reading.

You're lucky you managed to befriend Jifang, the Boss of Wawen Bookhouse before you knew she was the boss of the place. This ended up working out for you when you wanted to read a book, she'd allow you to "rent" it out rather than a full purchase. She even trusted you to stick around to keep reading even after she closed shop for the day. You'd say you're doing a good job maintaining her trust since you never stole and you always made sure to honor her payment methods.

"So even the Salt God stood amongst the other Gods before the Archon War..." You mutter, reading the next passage out loud, "...before being ruthlessly murdered by one of her own followers."

Holy shit, that's fucked up! Just because she was kind, she had to die? But that doesn't make any sense. If this was during the Archon War, and the God of Salt was technically considered a God of Liyue, why didn't Rex Lapis help her out? Or at least, helped her people so they didn't feel like they had to kill their own God?

You hum to yourself as you keep reading the book: "Her remains are likely to be found somewhere in the ruins of the area known as "Sal Terrae."

The rest of the Volume goes on to talk about the "Flower Toss", or more commonly known in Liyue and Mondstadt, as the "Flower Ball", the God of Salt handed her people a bunch of flowers as a blessing to them. Or at least, if not a blessing, then a small gesture of comfort to stave off the bitterness of the Archon War.

You close shut Volume 1 of Customs of Liyue, neatly putting it back on the shelf from where you got it. Volumes 2 and 3 are about the Rite of Decension and Silk Flowers, both of which you know have nothing to do with the Salt God.

You skim through the spines of the books, trying to find something else of relevance. It's a bit hard to read in the dark, and the only light you have is a lantern above illuminating a small area.

"Ah, here we go. Hopefully, this has something," You muse to yourself, "Volumes 1 and 2 of Records of the Gallant."

Spoilers: it was a fucking bust.

You sigh in irritation as you put the books back after a quick skim. You're starting to get a headache from reading in the dark for hours. Dawn will soon arrive in a few hours, making you dread today's assignments.

You stifle through your Mora bag, pulling out... shit, how many books did you end up reading tonight? You read the full series of Customs of Liyue and Records of the Gallant. Not to mention that you had a quick indulgence of the Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, and Sumeru Teyvat Travel Guides before you were on a spontaneous lore hunt. It was 1,000 Mora for each Volume, and 2,500 Mora for each Travel Guide Volume. (Mind you, this is all half-price since you're "renting" them, and not fully purchasing them for permanent ownership.)

You pout very sadly, parting with 15,000 Mora. You put it in a jar that Jifang leaves out for you to put the Mora in.

Liyue's architect and structure still fucking confuse you to this day, so it takes you a whole fucking hour to get back to the Northland Bank. It seemed that Vlad's shift was over, since now Nadia, the guard of the Northland Bank for the night shift, was outside standing at attention.

You smile at her, and she smiles back when she recognizes you. You think it's funny other Fatuus have a hard time recognizing you without your mask on. You don't like wearing it out when you're not on the clock though, and you haven't been scolded for it so you guess it's fine.

"Hey, there, Nadia. Is Ekaterina still here?" You ask her, holding back a yawn.

"Oh, good evening, [L/n]. Yes, she should still be here. She had a busy day today, you know. So she might be a little cranky," The girl with light brown hair tells you, "Oh! Before you go in, I have news about my new pen-pal!"

"Oh? Do we finally have more information about them?" You smile teasingly.

"Yeah! He's also a guard here at the Northland Bank, but he's on duty during the day, while I'm on duty at night," Nadia nervously pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, "To tell you the truth, I don't even know his name."

Dude... She is literally talking about Vlad. You literally know Vlad.

Still, it's actually pretty cute that she managed to get to him. Vlad is always dry when talking to you, and he never cared for socializing with the people here. You decide to keep his identity a secret from Nadia, you think it'll be cuter for her this way to learn herself.

"One time, I accidentally left the letter I had written to my brother at our post. And then perhaps the other guard mistook it as a letter I left for him. He even wrote me a reply. I could read between the lines and tell that he was probably very lonely, so I thought it would be good along with it to help him this way. But eventually, writing to him also became a part of my life. I've even started looking forward to receiving his letters, hehe...!"

You feel a weird, bittersweet emotion from her words. You wonder if your letters to Scaramouch help him feel any better, wherever he is at the moment. He never wrote back to you, but you're still dedicated to writing to him often.

You... You hope he also looks forward to receiving your letters.

"That's good, Nadia! I hope things keep going well with this mysterious pen-pal," You wink at her, nudging her arm, "Who knows, maybe he's very handsome, too."

She blushes under her mask, though you can barely see it. "I-I... Don't you have to talk to Ekaterina?! Ge-Get going...!"

"Alright, alright," You pull open the door, "Have a good night, Nadia."

"Ye-Yes, you too."

Poor Ekaterina was sitting at the counter doing late-night paperwork. You don't know exactly what her job entails, but you have a funny feeling Childe makes her job more stressful.

"Hello, Ekaterina!" You greet her as cheerfully as you can because you have a feeling that your happiness will make her annoyed.

And you were right.

She glares at you and you feel it through her mask, "[L/n]. What. Is. Wrong. With. You."

"Want me to go alphabetically, or chronologically?"

"...???"

"Never mind," You shake your head, "I want to talk to your boss. Is Lord Childe here?"

"Do you not realize what time it is? He's already retired for the night hours ago, so you'll have to try your luck tomorrow."

"Riiiigt, right. I figured, but I thought I should take my chances anyway. Anyway, I wanted to take out a small loan for myself. I'm finally cashing in my vacation starting tomor–Uh, I guess starting today, I mean."

"Wait. A vacation? That's a bit last minute, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess. But I already received permission from the Fair Lady, so I'm being responsible, don't worry."

"Yes, I figured as much, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered. But still, don't you want to wait? I mean, the Rite of Parting is the day after tomorrow. Don't you want to stick around for it?

You furrow your brows and cross your arms, "Not to be callous, but no. There's something else I'm more interested in, and I know I'll be way too restless to wait any longer so I'll just do it now."

Ekaterina looks put off by your attitude since you're usually more amendable to reason but it seems that doesn't apply whenever it comes to your own personal interests/research. Ah, but she knows that Childe wouldn't want you to go since he likes you, he's admitted to that before in passing. And Kazuki might have some reservations about it as well, or maybe, he'd even want to go with you.

"I-I see. Well... Alright, then," Ekaterina says with a slight sigh, "Give me a moment to finish up here, and I'll get to the paperwork for the withdrawal."

"Sure, take your time," You smile, "Actually, I'll be leaving now to get sleep. We can get this sorted out in a few hours after some rest, right?"

"Yes, that will be fine. Have a good rest, [L/n]."

"You too, Ekaterina."

You turn around to leave, but you don't get to the door.

"Ah–Wait! I almost forgot!"

You turn around at Ekaterina's sudden shout. You walk back curiously as she shuffles through a stack of papers from behind her desk. You don't rush her, waiting patiently as you lean on the desk. She picks up a small stack of papers, and dreadfully, you believe that it is all yours. To your luck, she stifles through them and separates a slightly thick envelope wrapped in a thin, red string before handing them to you.

Thank God.

You smile and mutter out thanks, taking the envelope from the woman before leaving the bank. You recognize the envelope as being the common ones used in Snezhnaya, more precisely, used at the Zapolyarny Palace. There wasn't a wax seal or a name though, only that it was addressed to you: [Y/n] [L/n], written very neatly. Just from holding it, you can feel there are other papers inside it.

Walking back to the place you and the other Fatuus are staying at takes another about two hours because Liyue is fucking huge. You left the bank around 23:35, but you don't get to your location until 1:42. You hate it here. However, the air is crisp and cool, so you didn't mind the walk too much. There were only a few people out since there were some shops open this late at night. You wave to a few you pass by regularly, though you wouldn't say you're on friendly terms with them, you see each other often enough to at least say hi.

Your identity as a Fatui isn't exactly a secret, so, commonly, you'll get the cold shoulder and unwarranted disrespect. However, you're friendly and outwardly honest enough that you managed to get a good majority of Liyue to like you... Enough.

You still experience distrust and discrimination because of your occupation. You guess there's just no helping it.

Entering your room, you make sure to lock the door behind you and shuck off your coat. You tilt your head side to side, flopping down on your bed face first.

You're ready to pass out then and there, but you're curious about the mail in your hands. You push yourself up and kick off your shoes, moving further up the bed so you can sit cross-legged.

There are separate letters inside it, one addressed to La Signora, one addressed to Tartaglia, and one to yourself. Strange, the main mail was addressed to you, so why did you get Signora's and Childe's letters as well? Was it a mistake?

Either way, you don't want to get in trouble and risk it, so you'll only open yours. You'll just have to make sure to give these out to their proper owners in the morning after you sleep. There isn't a wax seal, so it was easy enough to retrieve the hand-written letter.

————

06 . 08 . XXXX

To My Faithful Servant,

I hope you haven't been completely useless without me for the past six months. It HAS been six months, right? At least for you anyway, but that's beside the point.

I've finally returned to Snezhnaya as of this morning, though I'll be staying at Zapolyarny Palace for another month to complete some work for the Doctor. For your own safety, I advise you to stay where you are in Liyue until I have time to get you myself.

Actually, I think it'd be better if you start working under Tartaglia until then, I don't trust that witch as far as I can throw her. I'll write up an appeal for you to give over to Signora and Tartaglia separately. I'll make sure to include them in the letter before sending it out.

Anyway, you can stop worrying so much. If I knew you'd send letters this frequently, I would've just brought you instead. But now that I think about it, you probably would give me a big headache the whole time, so never mind.

If you want to keep sending your pointless letters, then be my guest. I won't bother replying, but at least that way I know you're still alive and I won't need to hire a new second in command.

You're extremely lucky I happen to find you tolerable. When I see you again, be ready to be put to work.

From "Your Dearest,"

Scaramouche

————

You scoff out a laugh, get up from your bed, and hurry to your desk.

Fuck that guy, you're writing back immediately. As a matter of fact, you don't give a fuck, you're going to be sappy as fuck because you'll admit, you miss that cuck. From the date, he sent this last week. If you send it first thing tomorrow, then he should receive it in a week as well.

————

Scaramouche sighs quietly, closing the door to his chambers gently as he simply lacks the energy for anything else. He's finding himself to be more monotonous as of late, maybe due to the temporary routine of his life. It hasn't even been two weeks since he returned to the Zapolyarny Palace and he's already getting bored of his time here.

He has to endure the Doctor's experiments since returning, doing his own fucking paperwork because while he usually has you doing it, he doesn't trust his other subordinates with it.

He does nothing but train, endure experiments, paperwork, and repeat.

And now it's time for the last part of his routine.

Paperwork.

He sits down at his desk, glaring at the stacks of paper with hatred and disdain, snatching his fountain pen aggressively to get started-

The top of the stack was an envelope with a wax seal he recognized immediately. He drops the pen and carefully (but eagerly) takes the letter and unseals the wax with practiced habit. Scaramouche doesn't realize he's smiling as the familiar scent of your perfume gets stronger when he takes out the letter. He doesn't understand why, but you've always done that with the letters.

He can't say he hates it though.

Ah, the date is from last week. Did you send this the day you got his letter?

————

06 . 15 . XXXX

To My Dearest, Loveliest, Most Criminally Insane Boss,

It's wonderful to hear from you, My Lord! It's okay to admit that you missed me too, I promise to keep it a secret.

I can't lie, I was very happy to hear that you are okay and back at the Palace that I hate spelling. I hope the Doctor hasn't been too overbearing for you, I know how much he displeases you and that's putting it lightly. Let us both pray the days go by fast for us so this month can be over.

I imagine you must have wonderful stories to tell from your time away, I expect nothing less from the mighty Harbinger such as yourself!

...

Are you getting annoyed yet? Haha! Sorry, maybe being in Liyue for this long has put me in too good of a mood lately. There are so many fascinating things about this place and so many things to learn about. Actually, tomorrow I'm taking a short vacation to visit Sal Terrae with (hopefully) my companion, Kazuki. Did you know that the God of Salt was most likely killed by her own people? Well, that's actually why I want to visit it, to confirm it myself. I doubt I'll make any paper about it, this is just to sedate my own curiosity.

I just realized you won't care for this... I don't have the energy to rewrite this though so tough luck.

Anyway, later this morning (it will already have passed by the time you get this) will be the Rite of Parting for Rex Lapis. I already told you in another letter, but that bitch dead as hell. Not to sound disrespectful, but I'm not NEARLY as interested in that as I am for the God of Salt. Hopefully, Lord Childe and Kazuki can tell me about it, I'm sure they'll both be participating.

Sorry for rambling, I tend to do that too much in all my letters don't I? Why is that? Probably because it's easier to talk to you like this when I'm not in pimp-slapping range. And I can't see the disgust on your face because I can't shut the fuck up. Sorry, ignore that.

I'll wrap this up now. You said I don't have to keep writing to you, but then I'd be making your life too easy, and we can't have that, can we?

Take care, and I'll write again next week with another update.

Your Wonderful, Favorite, Totally Amazing Servant,

[Y/n]

[L/n]

————

The Balladeer shakes his head with a smile, opening the top drawer to put it alongside the other letters he's kept. Though, he pauses right as he's about to set it down.

He sets it back on the table and opens up another drawer where he keeps his papers and envelopes.

It'd just be rude to not write back. Not that he particularly cares if he hurts your feelings or not, but this is a lot better than doing fucking paperwork.

————

06 . 21 . XXXX

To My Wonderful, Favorite, Totally Amazing Servant,

These titles are getting ridiculous, and frankly, too tiresome to write.

You're right about one thing, I DO miss you... I miss you doing all my paperwork for me, that's for damn sure. I never realized how tiresome and boring it was to do this, is this what you go through? If so, Thank GOD I won't have to do it for much longer. Once you return to my side, you're going to be very busy catching up on all the work I don't want to do.

I'm afraid I don't have anything worth sharing on my time away, so I'll have to disappoint you with that. From what you've told me, that seems to be the complete opposite of your time in Liyue. You certainly seem happier there than in Snezhnaya, perhaps you ought to stay there.

I at least know you tend to get too caught up in your research. If I didn't know any better, I could've mistaken you for a Sumeru Scholar. Maybe the Haravat Darshan would take you eagerly, though I don't know much about the Akademiya to make a proper guess.

Why don't you give me a brief essay on the God of Salt as a practice assessment once you finish your investigation? I'll determine for you whether you'll get accepted or not; I figure you'll be done with Sal Terrae once you receive this. But be warned, I won't hold back so don't disappoint me with your essay, or I'll be forced to give you a failing grade.

What did Childe tell you about the Rite of Parting? Did anything interesting happen, or is it as boring as all funerals?

You know, you're not as irritating as everyone else who works for me. If you made it sound interesting, then perhaps I can tolerate you telling me more of your knowledge in person.

No promises, though.

By the time you get this, I might already be on the way to Liyue. How about this instead of waiting for me in Liyue, why don't you start making your way to Mondstadt? The Jester wants me to do something for him in the nation of Freedom, so it'll be less of a hassle to meet you there instead. I can trust you to travel alone and make it there alive, right?

I hate to be disappointed in you over something so simple.

Your Dearest, Loveliest, Most Cri

Ugh, like I said. Too much of a hassle.

Sincerely,

Scaramouche

————————

A/N: I actually read ALL books of ​​​​​​"Customs of Liyue" and "Records of the Gallant" from the Genshin Archives in game to get the information I wrote down. Not only that, I was walking place to place to determine the lore-accurate time it takes to get from Point A to Point B. It's a thankless job but it must be done.

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 5

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 5: Played Like The Cheap Kazoo You Are

One thing you can appreciate about Scaramouche is his guts. That man has nerves of steel like you wouldn't believe. And in an act of mercy, you were allowed to look away during his massacre.

"Help me gather them up."

".................I don't want to-"

"-HUH!?"

"My Lord, with all due respect..." You grimace with judgement as he hauls the bloody boar over his shoulder with ease, "That's really fucking gross."

"Quit your bitching. I already did you the favor of not helping me kill these things," Scaramouche frowns, "I order you to help me carry these back to the camp."

You roll your eyes before grabbing the other dead boar by the legs, swinging it over your shoulder.

"It's a Goddamn miracle that I haven't beaten the shit out of you yet," The Harbinger comments while you whine about the blood.

You deadpan, "I must be blessed."

It was the next morning of staying with Isaac, Ivan, and Noah, the Treasure Hoarders that had been so kind to allow you and Scaramouche to stay with them.

Noah was a person of interest; he was one the Treasure Hoarder's that was responsible for your misfortune. He didn't seem to recognize you both as Fatui, hopefully it stays that way for a while longer. You two are hoping that bringing them food and furs would get them to trust you a little more.

You wince in pain and stop walking for a moment, breathing through your nose to calm your nerves. Your injury still hurts, you haven't gotten the opportunity to properly heal yourself yet.

"What's the matter with you?" Scaramouche turns around when he notices you stopped.

"Nothing, My Lord," You sigh, starting your walk once more, "Just wondering how we'll learn anything from Noah."

He frowns, "Any ideas?"

"I don't know, I thought... He showed, like... a fraction of interest in me, I thought I could use, like... my woman-ness on him?"

"...Your what??"

"My womanly charms! I don't know! Seduce him or whatever!"

"..." Scaramouche squints at you with disbelief, "You want to whore yourself out to get some intel?"

You scoff, "Well, when you say it like that-"

"-No, you're not doing that," Scaramouche protested, "Anyway, you can't do that even if you wanted to. I told him you were my girlfriend."

Oh, right.

You sigh, "And I thought I would be able to forget about it easily."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

You shake your head, "Nothing, forget it. I don't really have any ideas, anyway."

You adjust your hold on the dead animal as you two walk in angry silence. Not a day goes by that you wish you were literally anywhere else but here. Hopefully Scaramouche had a plan, you honestly didn't know where to go from here.

"You might have to whore out." He says suddenly.

"Ah, so like a normal day then."

"......What?"

"I'm joking."

You were not.

"I liked it better when you didn't talk," The Balladeer huffs.

"Honestly, me too."

——

You and your superior had to stay another night with the Treasure Hoarders as the storm came back that evening. Luckily, you were all able to relocate to a small cave nearby before it got too bad. That also meant you did most of the heavy lifting as you're a strong, independent woman who don't need no man.

Scaramouche sat close by the fire to make sure it didn't die, and to try and eavesdrop on Isaac, Ivan, and Noah. You sat by the fire as well, but you were more focused on the letter you were writing to your best friend, Kazuki.

Which is fucking stupid, Nao!! It literally means Pants! The Tsaritsa is epic and all, don't get me wrong. But fucking Pantalone??? She couldn't give him a better title?? This has been bothering me forever and I need to say it if no one else will!!

With that said, yes. I DO want to wear a suit when we go see your sister in Sumeru soon. We should totally match, too. Maybe she'll think we're together and finally leave you alone about you being a lonely fuck.

Speaking of which, you know what Lord Scaramouche did?? The audacity of some bitches, I swear to the Gods-

"[Y/n]."

"Hm?" You lift your head, making eye contact with Scaramouche who was across from you, "Yes, Kuni?"

He scrunches his nose, "Kuni?"

You look around, finally noticing that it was just you and him. "Oh, damn. Where did they go?"

"Gods, you're such an airhead."

You smack your lips at his comment, "Did you need something, Kunikuzushi?"

He rolls his eyes, "They left so I can attend to your wound. Get over here so I can clean it."

You sigh, setting down your paper and pencil while making sure it won't suddenly fly into the fire. It would be too inconvenient to rewrite it all. You start removing your coat and shirt as you walk around the fire to sit by Scaramouche.

He works silently and efficiently. You've never seen this man bleed or bruise before, and his body is a little abnormally solid. You doubt he's ever taken an injury based on his seemingly perfect skin.

And yet... You've never once had a wound so gently attended to the way Scaramouche is doing now.

"What were you writing? A report?" He asks, confusing you as he hates small talk.

"Uh, a report on my feelings and emotions, yeah."

"You keep a diary?"

"Ew, no," You quickly reject the notion, "I'm writing to Kazuki. He works under Lord Ch-erm, Lord Tartaglia."

"You should keep your work life and personal life separate."

"You're the one who asked, sir."

"Whatever."

You had to bite your tongue as he cleaned your injury. The pain was bearable, but you were also a little bitch that likes to whine at any minor inconvenience. You hate the silence, and you wish you can at least hum to yourself, no matter if you're good at singing or not, but you know damn well that you already showed too much personality to this bitch ass man.

"Hey!!"

"The fuck?!"

You jerk around to glare at your boss with a flustered expression, "Can you not do that?!"

Scaramouche holds his hands up in confusion, "The hell are you talking about?!"

"You-When you just–" You mimic his previous action with your hands mid-air, moving your hands slowly in a similar silhouette of your own figure, "–The way you ran your hands up and down my sides! It-It was way too gentle!!"

By the look on his face, you can tell that even Scaramouche wasn't aware that he was doing it. He must've been lost in thought and did it subconsciously.

"I-I-"

"-Some people are ticklish, okay!!" You huff out in frustration, "Next time you do something like that, keep that in mind!"

"..."

"..."

You can practically see the cogs turn in his head. You raise an eyebrow.

That... is not what he thought you were upset about. Whether you were saving him from the embarrassment of being caught admiring how nice your skin is, or you genuinely thought he did it by accident, he didn't know.

And frankly? He didn't have the guts to find out the truth.

"Uh, okay. I'll–keep that in mind..."

You nod in satisfaction. You look down at your side, poking at the gauze taped over your wound.

"You're done, right? Thanks!"

You stand up and reach over to grab your shirt when the Universe decides it wants to mess with you just a little more. Isaac, Ivan, and Noah enter the tent laughing with each other, though they quiet down when they see you without your shirt and only your arm covering your titties.

You all stare at each other in silence, the three men becoming more red and flustered the longer they stare, and Scaramouche gains an unreadable expression. Your gaze flickers to him, trying to remind him that "hey, you're supposed to be my boyfriend, probably do something?"

Reading what you had in mind, finally the Balladeer catches on and stands up with a pissed off look.

"THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?! GET OUT!!"

"SORRY!!!"

———— Two Months Later ————

You slam the empty shot glass down on the counter, your gaze mindlessly wandering off to nothing in particular as you try desperately to forget the things you've seen today.

Scaramouche is not known for his patience, and out of all the Harbingers, he's definitely the least likable. But there's something you didn't think you'd ever take for granted, and that was his strange consideration for your feelings when it comes to-

"Cheer up, [L/n]. It wasn't that bad."

You roll your eyes and motion for the bartender to come over. "Easy for you to say. Some of us have morals and values, especially when it comes to human lives."

The bartender pours you your fourth shot of the night, you're finally beginning to feel a little tipsy from drinking straight Fire Water. You knock it back like a champ and semi-slam the glass back down.

"Ouch, is that judgment I hear?"

You look at your temporary comrade with a deadpan look, "What do you think, Soto?"

He laughs at your words, not feeling perturbed at all.

Amatista Soto, a man born and raised in Natlan only to somehow get involved with the Fatui. You don't know his story, other than the fact he has a Pyro vision and is most likely a fucking sociopath. You don't doubt that the only reason he joined the Fatui was so that he could kill people under the protection of the Fatui and the Tsaritsa.

His skin is medium brown with a beauty mark under his right eye. His very wavy hair was always tied back in a low ponytail, but that didn't make it look neater. He always wore an Iris flower behind his right ear, too. You have to admit that it brought out his vibrant eyes, the color of amethyst. That's probably how he was named, too.

You hated that he was attractive with a tall, large build. Made you hate him even more because how are you going to be a hot motherfucker who's so evil-

Under orders of Pierro, Scaramouche was sent somewhere unknown. You tried asking the Balladeer of his soon-to-be whereabouts, but all he did was shake his head in response. In the meantime, he ordered you to assist any other Harbinger so that your skill isn't wasted while you wait for him to come back.

——

"And... when WILL you be back, sir?" You had asked the day he left, accidentally showing concern.

Scaramouche sighed and shook his head, "I don't know. But... My advice is: don't wait for me. I could be gone for a VERY long time."

"Oh... O-Okay," You nodded, "Good luck, sir. And be careful."

He smirked, "You almost sound like someone who cares. Don't let me catch you getting soft again, [L/n]."

"Hmph! In your dreams."

——

After dealing with Noah and the other Treasure Hoarders (a memory you desperately are trying to forget due to how it ended), you started working under various Harbingers (minus Childe since he was still in Liyue).

Well, every Harbinger other than Dottore, though. You don't understand Scaramouche's resentment to the second Harbinger, but you don't question his demands as he is your superior.

Currently, you are working under the Knave, or at least, you think you are? You haven't been given direct orders from her yet, and the most you have done for her so far is fucking paper work.

"I'm going back to the Zapolyarny Palace," You sigh, pushing yourself off the stool, "Then I'm going to pass the fuck out."

"Have a good night!" "Bah."

———— Two Months Later ————

You wait patiently by the door for La Signora to be finished talking with Pantalone about some fundings, Il Dottore was with them, too. You were about to head off to Fontaine with Arlecchino, but she tells you there's a sudden change of plans, and that she was handing you off to the Fair Lady.

You were so lucky that your mask was hiding your deadpan expression. You asked her why you were suddenly being handed off to the 8th Harbinger, but Arlecchino just dismisses you with "she needs a new assistant since her last one died in Mondstadt."

...

HOW REASSURING!!

You were zoning out, a skill you learned in the Fatui so that you can be oblivious to the Harbinger's business. Unless it involves you directly, you don't want to know what their personal goals are.

You start to gnaw at your bottom lip. You are curious about this "Traveler" you keep hearing about, though. Apparently, La Signora has had an encounter with this blond haired person and their flying fairy while snatching the Gnosis from poor Barbatos. Barbatos... Barbie toes... Barbs... Barbara...

"Are you deaf?"

"Huh?"

You blink rapidly and look at who's talking to you.

La Signora, Pantalone, and Il Dottore were just staring at you now. Pantalone and the Doctor looked amused at your obliviousness. La Signora? Not so much.

"Oh, my apologies. I was lost in thought," You hold up the small stack of papers, "Here is the proper documentation on my temporary recruitment. I look forward to working with you, my Fair Lady."

"Hmph," The 8th Harbinger doesn't bother with the papers even though she requested them, "The Balladeer spoke highly of your abilities despite not having a Vision or a Delusion. So tell me, what exactly is it about you that is so praise worthy?"

"I was surprised as well to hear how high he puts you in regards. I never heard of a Harbinger having this much trust in anyone, even more so in a low ranking Fatui," Pantalone comments, "Then we hear from the Knave that you are quite competent, even in her standards?"

"It is hard not to be curious." Il Dottore adds.

"To be frank, I am just his secretary more than anything else. I take care of all his paperwork, I'm his messenger, I'm the commander of his Skirmishers, and I give orders to the lower ranks on his behalf." You shake your head, "Very seldomly would I go out on the front lines myself. I can probably count the amount of times I went into battle myself on both hands."

Which to the normal person, that is a lot. But for a Fatui? That's practically zero. And in all honesty, for anyone else, it'd be unacceptable.

Scaramouche is not known for his patience, and out of all the Harbingers, he's definitely the least likable. But there's something you didn't think you'd ever take for granted, and that was his strange consideration for your feelings when it comes to violence,

Never once had he actually forced you to hurt someone if you didn't want to, and he never made you kill anyone either. Anytime you had to hurt someone, it was self defense. And anytime you kill someone...

Well, you do your best to repress those memories.

Working for the other Harbinger's made you realize you took that silent consideration for granted. Since all these fuckers want from you is violence.

"I see. So it's safe to say you are what makes him look good from the shadows," Pantalone puts a hand to his chin.

"Not at all. Lord Scaramouche has done a lot more than I. Really, I only take care of the boring things." You redirect your attention to the woman, "If I may, my Fair Lady, can I know why you have requested my assistance so suddenly?"

"Simple really. I haven't gotten the chance to personally witness what makes you so great. It'd be a shame if you went off to Fontaine for who knows how long before I got the chance to use you."

Mmmm pues.

"I-I see. Well, I hope I can meet your expectations," You force a smile, "Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes, pack your things," La Signora smirks slyly, "We're going to Liyue."

....

SHIIIT.

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 6

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 6: Bitches on Me Left and Right

You furrow your brows in your reflection, putting in the red dangling earring that Childe had given you. You tug at the fluffy collar around your neck and sigh heavily. You're going to ditch the coat. It's your first day in Liyue and the weather is already getting to you.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Who the fuck is that? Aside from La Signora's direct subordinates, no one should be coming to get you. And you shouldn't have any visitors either.

You grab your mask from the nightstand next to the mirror, making sure it's secure on your face.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

You hold back the sigh and drop your coat onto the bed and rush to the door. You swing the door open and automatically stand up straight.

"Good mor-NAOOO!!"

You throw your mask off and throw your arms around Kazuki's neck, pulling that fucker into a hug. You feel his arms go around your waist, squeezing the life out of your. Your best friend chuckles and sways you both side to side.

"You should've told me you were coming. I thought you were working for the Knave for the time being."

"I-I had no time to write to you, the Fair Lady suddenly requested my recruitment," You pulled away from the pretty man, holding him at arm's length with a grin, "Oh, Nao! I missed you so much! Did your hair get longer? We should trim it. You wanna have lunch with me? Show me around Liyue! Oh! How is Lord Childe? Are you two getting along? How have your missions been? Do you think-"

Kazuki cups your face with both hands, and leans forward to kiss your forehead.

You stop immediately, your shoulders relax and you allow yourself to enjoy the moment. He pulls away after a few seconds, wrapping his arms around you again and hugs you close. You just sink into the embrace, smiling to yourself and relishing in the familiar touch of your best friend.

"We have a few hours to ourselves, let's go get something to eat first, yeah?"

You nod.

"There's a few places I want to take you. My favorite place is the Liuli Pavillion, but Xinyue Kiosk is really good too. And maybe later tonight, we can head to Third-Round Knockout for drinks."

"I don't know any of those places, so I'll trust your judgment on this one."

Kazuki pulls away and smirks very slightly, "Come on, let's get going."

————

Kazuki takes you straight to Liuli Pavillion for breakfast, ordering a lot of Liyue dishes that he thought you'd like since you're a bit hesitant to try new foods you're unfamiliar with. They didn't have forks or spoons though, only "chopsticks", which kind of sucked ass.

Kazuki was already a master of them, making fun of you as you struggled to get food in your mouth. You felt so bad though, he ordered so much food but you barely managed to finish one and a half of the seven dishes he ordered.

"No matter," Kazuki simply said, "We'll box this and take it back to where you're staying."

"You're too frivolous with your Mora."

"You're just jealous that I make more money than you."

"Yes I am, and I'll die mad about it."

"Hm."

Fucker.

After that, he takes you around the city to look around, buying you a few trinkets and clothing if you spend a second too long looking at it. Kazuki is too eager when it comes to buying you things, since that's his love language–both platonically and romantically. And Kazuki? He loves you very much, and you love him just the same.

However... Kazuki was insistent on carrying everything for you, but he started buying you too many things that you also have to carry. And not is not an issue either, but both of your arms are getting full and supposedly he wants to take you somewhere else?

"Uh, Nao... I-I don't need that, I swear! My eyes just looked at it for a second!."

"Nonsense. You like the color, don't you?" Kazuki hums, holding up a skirt that, yes, was very pretty in color. "How much is it, boss?"

"Naooo!" You whine, your arms beginning to get sore from carrying so many things.

"Well, if it isn't [Y/n]!"

Ah fuck berries!!

You turn to the voice with a tired smile. "Lord Childe! It's good to see you! Ah, and... you are?"

You don't know if it's good or bad luck that Childe managed to find you. You knew he was still in Liyue, but you thought maybe at the moment he was dealing with his Harbinger duties? Walking next to him was Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. Well, not really dark since his skin was pretty pale. But his overall color scheme was browns and golds.

"I am Zhongli, a close associate of Childe," The man greets politely with a smile, "I assume you are as well?"

...You are as well what?

Oh!

"Yeah, I guess you can say that. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Zhongli. You can call me [Y/n]," You nod.

You didn't understand why he'd think you're close with Childe, but you guess it's because of your matching earring with the Harbinger. You don't know if that warrants an assumption that you two are close, but you guess it doesn't really matter.

"What are you doing here in Liyue, [Y/n]? Is your boss here too?" Childe asks.

"Uh, he's-"

"-Perhaps we should talk somewhere else and not hold up the stall," Kazuki cuts in, "Not to mention, I believe [Y/n] is getting tired from carrying all this. I should escort her back to where she's staying so we can drop this off."

Ah, you know that look. To outsiders, his blank expression is one that never changes no matter what emotion he feels. However, yOu'Re NoT lIkE tHe OtHeR gIrLs and you notice every slight change in his expression and body language. You can read that he was actually feeling quite annoyed that his alone time with you is likely coming to an end.

"Oh, why don't we help you with that?"

As Childe decides this all on his own, he takes the bags from your arms, and the boxes you were holding. He was having a much easier time than you were, and Zhongli even took it upon himself to take a few things from Childe to help him too.

You smile at Kazuki apologetically, taking some things from his arms now that you had more help. He narrows his eyes slightly, getting more irritated as the second passes.

"Lead the way, [Y/n]," Childe smiles.

And lead the way you did. You take your gaggle of friends (Can you call Childe and Zhongli your friends? You feel that's a bit unprofessional and a bit presumptuous of you to assume you're all already friends) to the place you, La Signora, and the other Harbingers under her command are staying. Though as you get closer, Childe seems to light up.

"Oh, you're staying here?" Childe speeds up a bit to walk closer to you, "What a coincidence! My troops and I are staying here as well!"

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!

So not only are you blessed that Kazuki is in the same building as you, you're also cursed that Childe has easy access to you too now!

You'd be more open to being Childe's friend if you weren't super cautious of ALL the Harbingers. He seems really nice, and expressed that he desires to be your friend, but that doesn't suddenly make you more trusting.

"I should warn you, Lord Childe. I'm not here for Lord Scaramouche, I'm here with the Fair Lady," You inform, walking up the stairs to get to your floor, "So you should do your best to avoid her... Don't tell her I said that."

"La Signora?" Childe frowns, "But why are you with her? You're Scaramouche's subordinate, aren't you? Did something happen?"

You shrug, "My Lord was sent somewhere, but that's all I know since he refused to tell me anything more. He said he could be gone for a while, so in the meantime he ordered me to assist any other Harbinger so that my skill isn't going to waste. The only person he prohibited for me to help was the Doctor, so there's that."

You're too busy to not trip over the stairs to see the look on Childe's face. Maybe if you were paying more attention, you would've noticed how... guilty he looked when you mentioned the Balladeer was sent somewhere.

"So that's why I'm here with La Signora. Before this, I was with the Knave."

"I heard she's a stone cold bitch," Kazuki hums, "I hope that wasn't too unbearable."

"Ooh, watch your tone in the presence of another Harbinger," You snicker, "Lord Childe might rat you out."

"Ah!" The ginger makes an exaggerated noise as if he was offended, "Comrade! I would do no such thing!"

"It's true. Lord Childe's favorite pastime is to shit talk-"

"Ah-ha ha ha! Ah, Kazuki...!" The Harbinger clears his throat, sending a not very subtle message to keep the other quiet.

"Yeah, yeah," You hum, walking down the short hall until you get to your door, "So, Mr. Zhongli, what do you do for a living? I don't think I've had the chance to ask yet."

Appreciating that he could be part of the conversation now, the brunette offers you a smile even if you couldn't see it, "I am a consultant at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. I perform all manners of ritual for burying the dead, along as funeral rites for the adepti."

"Oh wow! That's pretty serious stuff. And that's really admirable too, you know? It can't be easy being surrounded by death all the time, and having being the one to send them off too? Your work is very important to a lot of people, Mr. Zhongli. I hope you take a lot of pride in that."

Zhongli smiles a little more genuinely at your words, "I'm glad you understand and see the importance as well. It's nice to meet and talk to someone who can appreciate what I do... No offense, Childe."

"Wha–Well, I didn't take offense until after you said that!"

"Me personally, sir," Kazuki leans towards the ginger, "I wouldn't let that slide."

"Do NOT be an instigator, Kazuki!" You laugh.

Putting your shit in the room didn't take too long, as you told them you'll properly put it all away later tonight. You did forget that Kazuki plans on keeping you busy for a long time, so it might actually have to wait until tomorrow morning. But that's tomorrow's problem.

Today? It's your day off and you might as well spend it with some friends while you can.

————

05 . 14 . XXXX

My Dearest Scaramouche,

...

...

Ha ha! I bet that got your attention, didn't it? Since I've never addressed my letters to you that way; it's always been "To My Lord" and all that. I thought the change would be funny, and it would keep you on your toes.

Let's see.

It's been about five months since I've last seen you, five months since you were sent away by Lord Pierro. I wonder... I'll just be frank. I am, admittedly, getting worried about you.

I've been told my letters are getting to you, but I haven't received anything back. And if you had died, I CERTAINLY would've gotten word about it, too. But that might be very presumptuous of me to assume that you'd even write back. We're not remotely close, or friends for that matter, so you have no reason to respond. But you ARE my boss, and it's always been my duty to protect you.

How have you been? I hope you haven't been through too much, I know how much work inconveniences you very easily. How are the people who accompanied you? I heard you only brought along two other people; are you treating them well? Are they treating YOU well?

I've done as you said, helping the other Harbingers, staying clear of Il Dottore, doing my best, not letting my skill go to waste.

...

Do you remember all those months ago when we investigated those Treasure Hoarders? Noah, Ivan, and Isaac? And when we got the information we needed from them, you...

I think about them a lot. You had the mercy of allowing me to look away and not help you bury them, but I still carry the burden knowing that we had killed them. That YOU killed them and I did nothing about it. I always took it for granted, how you always let my hands stay clean, how you never forced me to look.

... I've seen a lot of fucked up shit when I was working with the other Harbingers, especially the Knave. They made me do horrible things too. Well... normal things expected of a Fatui, I think.

For the past month, I've been working with the Fair Lady, and we've been residing in Liyue. I don't really do much. She makes me do paper work, help out at the Northland Bank, keep tabs on Lord Tartaglia and Mr. Zhongli of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. She hasn't told me why, but I honestly think she might just be nosy. Don't tell her I said that, okay?

Kazuki has been a little more... reserved? I don't know what happened to him while we were separated, but I hope one of these days, he can open up to me and tell me what's happened to him. He's my best friend, you know? He's my person. Did you have someone like that before? DO you have someone like that?

I'm getting a little sleepy now, so I'll wrap this up. I know you're getting these, but I have no idea if you're reading them or not. If you don't, then that's fine. At least then you wouldn't have to read all my embarrassing thoughts.

And if you do...

I hope you're okay, and I hope I can see you again soon. Please take care.

Your faithful servant,

[L/n]

————

"Hmph..." Scaramouche smiles tiredly, "What an idiot..."

He sighs through his nose and folds the paper up, tucking it away in his open kimono for safe keeping with the rest of the letters. He looks down at the two spots near his camp. Two half-assed graves that he made almost immediately when he arrived.

The two that had accompanied him survived the best they could, but he's not completely surprised that they have died after a few years. After all, they're only human.

It's moments like these where he's glad he fought tooth and nail to convenience Pierro to let you stay behind with the other Harbingers instead of letting you accompany him.

In your letter, you said it's been about five months since he had departed, but to him it's been nearly three centuries. Time works differently in the Abyss. If he had to make the estimate, one day to you is about one year for him. So by that measurement, you've been sending him letters once every two weeks, but he's only been receiving them once every 40 years or so.

He's actually very grateful for your letters. It helps him keep track of time, helps him stay somewhat sane, helps him remember that it hasn't ACTUALLY been 300 years, helps him not feel THAT lonely...

It helps remind him you haven't died, and that you're still waiting for him.

You're still waiting for him...

Scaramouche stands up and works to put out the fire.

He can't send you anything back even if he wanted to, the only papers he has are for his reports back to Pierro and he's already running out. You'll just have to wait for him for a little while longer.

For now, he'll do the best he can to hurry up. It's not that he particularly cares about you, but he supposes he should repay you with his presence.

It's the least he can do in return for all your letters.

Scaramouche leaves his camp with a slight smile.

He can't let himself die, he's extremely looking forward to your next letter, after all.

[gabriel-xander]

I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 3

[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]

A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!

{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}

Chapter 3: Farewell From Snezhnaya

“Don’t forget to change your clothes to something lighter as you get close to Liyue.”

“[L/n]-”

“Try not to move around the ship too much, you don’t want to get seasick so quickly and so often.”

“[L/n].”

“Stay hydrated, too! You’ll get thirsty faster since it’s pretty warm in Liyue.”

“[L/-”

“A-And don’t get in unnecessary trouble! I don’t want you to-”

“-[Y/n]!”

Kazuki grabs your hands from where they were nervously tugging at the collar of your uniform. He was one of the few who have yet to board the ship since Childe has yet to actually arrive.

You’re nervous about letting Kazuki go. He’s been your best friend since you two were kids, joined at the hip since the age of 7. It’s not so much the fact that you’re scared to let him go, or scared that he might get hurt or-Archons forbid-die in Liyue. Kazuki is a strong fighter blessed with a Pyro Vision and is a skilled fighter with a claymore. He's more than capable of taking care of himself.

It’s just…

Kazuki is your person.

You two didn’t have your masks on at the moment, but not having it made you feel exposed and it caused you to look away from him.

“‘M gonna miss you, Nao.” You admit quietly.

The brunette smiles and pulls you close for a hug, “I’m going to miss you too, [Y/n]. I’ll try to send letters as often as I can, I promise.”

“You better,” You reply, clutching the fabric of his coat, “Or else I’ll go to Liyue myself to kick your ass.”

“Aw, just for me? Am I just that special to you, [Y/n]?”

“Shut up, Nao. I’d trade you for a sip of water.”

You two pull away from each other with a laugh, beginning to feel a little better about the departure.

You shiver when a particularly strong breeze rises up, but that shiver was from a sudden tension rather than the cold as your stomach drops to your feet. You immediately summon your claymore (You don’t remember what it was called, Nao had gifted it to you. Prototype… Archi? Archaic? Something like that) and hold it above your head just in time to clash against-

“CHILDE?!”

Childe used his Hydro to create dual blades that clashed against yours. He uses the leverage to push himself back, dissolving the weapons and creating a polearm instead. You send your claymore back into the aether and jump to the right when Childe throws the spear at you.

The spear dissolves and some of it gets on you, making you colder than you would’ve liked. Childe stands away, summoning his bow oh so casually.

“Lord Childe!”

“Yes, [Y/n]?”

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Permission granted!”

“What the fuck, dude?!!”

Childe laughs at you, doubling over while you just look at him confused. You’re literally just trying to exist but this ginger man really said fuck that noise.

“With all due respect, I don’t stand a chance against you,” You grin to mask your anxiety, “You’d kill me in a second.”

“Don’t talk like that! Not all battles’ purposes are who wins and who loses. In this case, the experience is most definitely the most important part.”

“?? Yeah, that’s cool and all but I still ain’t tryna fight you, Childe,” You wave your hands frantically as you start sputtering, “Pff-Uh-And anyway! Don’t you have a boat to board in like, right now??”

Childe laughs again and walks towards you, letting his bow disappear back into the aether. You sense the tension has left his body, so he’s probably not planning to attack but you stay on guard anyway.

The ginger stops right in front of you and pats your shoulder, “You have such a bright personality, [Y/n]! I definitely like this easy going side of you more than the facade you have for your boss. It’s refreshing to see someone as honest as you in a place like this.”

You clench your fists by your side and look away. You don’t want to be chummy or friends with anyone from the Fatui. Kazuki is the only exception for obvious reasons… You can’t allow Childe to be another exception as well.

“You’re also strong, [Y/n]. I can already see so much potential in you, and that’s not a bad thing. You can’t let someone like Scaramouche scare you into hiding that potential away. Only you can decide if you’ll use it for good or evil,” Childe smiles softly, “You’re a soft soul, don’t let the world or anyone else turn you into something you’re not.”

Your heart races from his words, praying to the Archons that he won’t be the cause of your sudden change of heart. It’s not as if you convinced yourself that you needed to be a cold bitch to survive…. but you convinced yourself that you needed to be a cold bitch to survive.

“Why are you telling me this?” You finally get the courage to look the Harbinger in the eyes, “You don’t even know me.”

But as kind as Childe is being to you (right now), his words alone can’t suddenly make all your problems go away.

“You’re right, I don’t. But I’d like to!” Childe laughs and pats your back, “You’re the only interesting person here! Honestly, it’s a shame I didn’t get a second meeting with you sooner.”

You sigh with exasperation. Childe is a type of person who goes after what interests him and stops at nothing until he’s satisfied. You suppose your potential friendship falls under that category.

“This is damaging to my reputation,” You say without any real bite to it.

“Reputation?”

“Yeah, of being a loner.”

Childe cocks his head to the side, humming quietly in thought as he crosses his arms.

“My Lord,” Kazuki (poor boy was third wheeling the whole time) steps up from behind you, “I got word that we have maybe a few minutes to board the ship before it leaves. It won’t wait for us any longer.”

Childe pouts ever so slightly, "Didn't I tell you to call me 'Liege' instead?"

You turn around and throw your arms around Kazuki’s neck, not caring for professionalism at the exact moment. You feel his arms go around your waist, squeezing you lightly for one last hug.

“You behave,” You mutter, “Don’t go picking fights. and don’t do drugs.”

“Yes, mom.” He groans.

“Ugh, don’t call me mom. You’ve seen me naked too many times to call me that,” You joked, but did you really?

“Mommy?”

“No.”

You went to pull away, but Kazuki squeezes you again. Your face morphs into embarrassment, not used to Kazuki showing you more affection than you show him. You pat his back and chuckle.

"Hey, come on. Don't get soft on me," You grin, "This is uh… ah-hahaha, 'is kind of embarrassing."

"Sh. Let me have this. Haa man… I wish I didn't have to go."

"Why do you have to go? You're not even his direct subordinate."

"Oh, that's because Kuzuzushi is my hype-man!" Childe says with a smile.

Kazuki pulls away with a heavy sigh, "It's Kazuki, My Liege."

"Wait-what do you mean he's your hype-man?" You ask quickly.

The brunette deadpans, "Are you only bringing me along to… hype you up??"

"Yeah! Isn't that great?"

HOOOOOONNKKK!!!

The boat's horn sounds loudly as the walkway is dropped, separating the ship from the docks.

Childe takes your hand and puts something on your palm. You don't get to see it since he moves your fingers to close it to a fist. He keeps that hand into his, smiling warmly while leaning his face close to yours.

It would've given you butterflies if you weren't consciously aware that this man was dangerous and has killed people before. Of course as always, the light never reaches his eyes no matter how sincere his smile was.

"Remember, [Y/n]. It's your life, and you get to decide how you use your own strength and power," Childe says with conviction, "Don't let people like Scaramouche scare you from being who you are. I look forward to seeing the type of person you decide to become when we meet again."

"I… Childe-"

"-My Liege, they're leaving without us! We have to go now!"

"Right! Let's go Kazuki!"

"It's Ka-actually, you got it right."

Letting go of your hand, the Harbinger and the agent run to the docks. Kazuki and Childe use their Visions to propel themselves into the air. Childe's Hydro almost immediately freezes due to the Snezhnayan weather. You see the ginger subtly lean towards Kazuki when they grab onto the side of the boat. Most likely because of Kazuki's Pyro Vision.

"Hype me up, Kazuki!" You hear the ginger say as he climbs up the side.

"Uhhh-FUCK IT UP, MY LIEGE!!"

"WOOHOOOO!!"

…

Boys will be boys, you suppose.

You look down at your hand to see what Childe had put there. You widen your eyes when you see it's one of his red earrings. You snap your head up to find Childe. He was already on the boat, safe and sound. You jog to the docks to get a closer look at the ginger who was watching you.

Sure enough, Childe was missing his right earring, the left one dangling from his ear almost mockingly.

You can't see the expression he's making, but from his energetic waving, you (correctly) assume he's grinning like an idiot. Kazuki was next to him, giving you the forbidden finger.

Fucker.

You're the only loser left on the dock, but you don't care. You watch them leave until you can't see people on the ship anymore, feeling a little warm from standing in the cold for so long.

That's probably a bad sign.

----

"Why the hell are you late?"

"I almost died of hypothermia."

"Well, cut it out. We have things to do," Scaramouche frowns as he walks past you, "I gave you the favor of seeing off your comrades before they left. But now break time's over, you're back on the clock."

You hate this. You roll your eyes behind your mask and follow him out the office.

"Do you remember where that camp was located? The one the Treasure Hoarders are hiding at?"

"Yes, My Lord. Would you like me to prepare departure for today?"

"Yeah, but don't bring anyone else. It'll just be you and me. Everyone else is just incompete-... What the hell is that."

You frown while tilting your head to the side, "Sir?"

"That's Tartaglia's earring."

That's right, you had put on the earring on your right ear on your way to your boss' office. You had pierced ears, but upon joining the Fatui, you stopped wearing accessories in case it got in the way.

You don't know what came over you. Scaramouche's hand had suddenly come up to your vision, reaching towards the right of your head. You took a step back, your hand coming up to block him with your wrist.

"..."

"..."

Scaramouche was staring at you with surprised eyes, and you look back with the same expression.

"I… Please, don't touch that, My Lord." You take another step back and lower your head, your hand dropping to your side, "You don't know where it's been."

You're dead.

You're dead.

You're still alive.

But you're so dead.

The Balladeer rolls his eyes with a scoff, continuing his walk, "I liked you better before you met Tartaglia."

Alsnxnchakjslsm????

"We're leaving in an hour, [L/n]. If you're not ready, I might actually kill you this time."

"Yes, My Lord."

ARGH!

WHY IS HE THE WAY HE IS??