#ALSO this is not in an order from best to worst I literally just added games as I thought of them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months ago

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I’m always curious about Kankri being redeemed in any way (maybe because he can become the sufferer). Obviously to do so would be simply punting him to reality and force him to live it, no help from his shoddily-made support structure. But I’m curious how you would go about doing it

Given their role thematically in the story, I'm actually usually not on the train of "fully redeem the dancestors", but I do like giving them some catharsis and reckoning, a place in the fight against LE. One last chance to do something good with their lives/afterlives before the end, and a(n implied) new start as wigglers born into the new universe.

So to that end, in my head, the "turnaround point" for Kankri - the inciting incident that makes him have a mental breakdown that results in him finally taking some accountability for his shitty actions - is having a conversation with Eridan.

In my head, the Dancestor reckoning happens gradually, alongside a series of retcons where the dead trolls are brought back one or two at a time, and deal with their emotional issues a little more with every cast member added back into the party.

The TL;DR series of events is: Terezi asks to bring back Vriska, Vriska asks John to punch out Tavros before she can kill him, Tavros's influence makes Gamzee ask for Equius and Nepeta to be brought back, Equius asks for a redux of Aradiabot, Aradiabot grabs John by the arm and gets him to undo her death and Sollux's fall into depression, Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back, and then Karkat asks for Eridan.

We know from (Vriska) that the Game Over/Alpha Timeline characters still exist post-Retcon, so those characters would also be continuing their character arcs, just in the afterlife prepping for the LE fight. For example, I think Meenah's reckoning should be delivered by (Karkat) - after having had so long to reflect on his own failures as a leader, he would be perfectly poised to scream at her for hers, which would also serve to make this confrontation a final thesis for Karkat as a whole - what leadership means (caring about your team) - and a conclusion to the Meenah/Karkat dynamic.

So when I say that Kankri needs to talk to Eridan, I mean Eridan and not (Eridan). Full character development, all his teammates are alive, taken full accountability and responsibility for his actions, team good guy Eridan. And as I noted in this essay, Eridan with full character development is actually more annoying than regular Eridan, because he's also the "Devastating: Worst Guy You Know Made An Excellent Point" guy. In bulleted form:

He's still an advocate for murder. Murder is literally what kept his friends alive long enough to play the game, and playing the game itself involves genocide, so he would be the Token Evil Teammate who reminds the team that, hey, murder is an option - and enemies will be considering it. Even at his very best, he's going to struggle with empathy and have an extremely blase view of violence and murder - those were literally just facts of his life through his most formative years.

This also makes him a TOTAL downer, as he's the tempering voice that reminds them that decisions have consequences, and utopia requires sacrifices, and nothing is ever worth fighting for that won't eventually need to be fought for. Like I said, worst guy you know, excellent points. In fact, he's out here volunteering to do the murdering when the situation calls, if nobody else wants to get their fins dirty. He's really good at it.

He's still an idiot who doesn't listen to people. He's perfectly fine at taking orders, but having a conversation with him is still really difficult. I feel like if you make Eridan too smart, mentally flexible, and socially aware, you lose a lot of his Eridan-ness, and I think these characters, fully realized, are more of themselves, not less. I also don't know how you could reasonably expect to fix these traits. He's just Like That.

He drops his fake pro-Empire stuff, because that was basically all just empty posturing in the first place, but...

Now he's a pretentious-ass hipster who judges you for liking Trollor Swift and Troll Marvel. Given that Jake's indiscriminate taste is actually linked to his deficit of Hope (he has little conviction, he's wishy-washy), Eridan coming into full Prince of Hope regalia involves getting even more annoying about his taste in media (shittons of conviction, refusal to budge).

He is also a wizard. He will not shut up about this.

And finally, I think he'd still be out here using slurs. First of all, because it'd be really funny, because he's literally not casteist, but second, because there's two types of "it's equality" - the kind where nobody ever says anything offensive, and the kind where "offensive" stops being a relevant concept because true equality has been achieved. Think of the discourse surrounding the reclamation of slurs IRL, or how the "it's equality" meme gets used - this idea that words can be stripped of power by changing the context of who's saying them, or that objectification/discrimination stop being problems if they're applied evenly across the board, instead of limited to specific groups. I think that this is the exact type of nuanced idea that Homestuck would tackle and its fandom would get incensed about, which is why I think it should stay.

Eridan's role, thus, becomes a sort of "unpleasant truths" kind of character. Violence, both physical and verbal, is unpleasant as hell, and the natural instinct is to avoid it. The problem is, in any true discussion of what society should look like, they're topics that can't be avoided, and are even sometimes necessary not just to recognize, but to utilize (no revolution is bloodless, etc.). Eridan - an extreme personality - is going to represent the uncomfortable extreme of the debate. And by that I mean he's going to be saying slurs and talking about murders and is still going to be unquestionably a force for good.

The reason I'm going so in-depth into this is because Kankri very much represents the opposite: using "polite" language and couching it in the language of courtesy, activism, and liberal ideology, Kankri hides - and worse, spreads - his classist, ableist, misogynistic, puritan beliefs. He enforces the class divide and actively works against his teammates' best interests.

He whines that the lower blood castes should stop complaining about oppression, because others have it worse. He tells the team feminist that misogyny isn't real, then slut shames her. He tells the guy with brain damage that he's making other neurodivergent/TBI people look bad, exacerbates Latula's shame around her inability to smell, and actively guilt trips Cronus into ignoring his epiphany and self-reflection. Kankri is only an activist in that he actively makes everybody worse.

But why does he act like this? Well, it's due to the fact that he was probably culled, and on-sight at that, like Karkat would've been if anyone found out about his mutant blood. Kankri doesn't seem to have a symbol or lusus, either, two thinks Karkat only had because the Signless's followers prepped them for him, so the chances are very high that Kankri was culled since he was hatched. Given the way he discusses culling with Latula, and viciously despises being mothered by Porrim, it's clear he has some really complicated feelings regarding having his agency dismissed. Thus, his work to hamper his team - at least some of which is wilful on his part, as he'll outright cast aspersions on Horuss or Cronus's beliefs for being "imaginary" even as he encourages them to commit to them - is motivated by something quite simple: power, attention, entitlement, and control.

When he goes on his grand lectures, he frequently slips and reveals that he sees himself as a great, unquestionable spiritual leader, often trying to place other characters in subordinate positions to himself - Karkat is his "pupil," and his monologues, I mean, sermons, I mean, diatribes, are spoken as if from a position of authority. He outright tells Meenah that this is what he believes himself to be.

It's a very Seer sort of problem - both that of hubris and that of willful blindness. If you chart out the actual "end goal" of his beliefs, it appears to be a world in which Kankri himself is both the biggest victim and most important voice in the room. He regularly disparages those with actual disadvantages (Damara, Porrim, Mituna) while playing up the false problems of those who don't actually have them (Horuss, Cronus). Those with disadvantages should have their voices amplified - except lowbloods should stop whining and misogyny isn't real. And those with real power should check their privilege - but won't somebody think of the poor highbloods who have ~emotional problems~? Kankri will, and all the highbloods need to do is bend the knee and treat Kankri as their specialest boy.

In short, he's using his intellect, rhetoric, and forceful personality for selfish, emotionally-driven pursuits. The actual substance of his arguments is ephemeral and contradictory because that's the trick - the point is NOT to further equality, but to verbally browbeat his conversation partner into submission. In other words, you can't beat Kankri in a regular debate, because the moment you start trying to actually engage in a debate with him, he wins. The moment you start lunging at his arguments, he's got you in his red-texted labyrinth. The moment you start treating his points like they merit genuine discussion, you're in the pews of Kankri's church, and he's up at the pulpit.

And Eridan is the destroyer of faith. He's also an idiot who doesn't listen to people.

I don't really know exactly how it would play out, but I know in my heart. In the pit of my soul. That Eridan would call Kankri several slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri's celibacy is stupid because it's clear he has feelings for Cronus and Latula, (correctly) point out that his pro-equality stuff is stupid because he calls violets "Royal-V"s, (incorrectly) accuse Kankri of hitting on him, (correctly) point out that the entire point of a slur is that it hurts and insults the person it's used on, (correctly) call Kankri several more slurs, (correctly) point out that Kankri just wants attention, especially from highbloods, (???) go on an unhinged rant (maybe more) about being a wizard, being a murderer, and being a murderer wizard, (???) insult Kankri's taste in music, and finish it up by (correctly) revealing that Eridan and Karkat are moirails who make out sometimes.

I think Kankri would start crying.

#full stop this is the conversation that didn't happen that i want to see most in all of homestuck #homestuck #eridan ampora #kankri vantas #i think it's especially important it be eridan because eridan is a sea dweller #and kankri is a huuuuge wader/sea dweller liker #so having a sea dweller CORRECTLY point out that kankri is a wader and casteist and chew him out for it #WHILE calling him a bunch of slurs #gang i dont know how kankri's ever gonna emotionally recover from this

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neoarchipelago · 2 years ago

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And they were Roommates (part 9)

A/N: and i'm back. I'm trying to finish this big moment of the story before going back to molre fluff, smuttyness and calmer stuff. I'll alternate between that. Thanks to everyone who gave me feedbacks, it really helps. Also i'm just shocked how this taglist grows everyday. I see all your comments, i'm sorry if i don't answer all of them, i love ya'll!

WARNINGS: 18+ CONTENT, violence and smexy scenes, bewaree!

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You blinked your eyes open. Your head was pounding. The bright lights weren't helping at all. Voices..you could hear voices. You turned your head to take in your surroundings. You were in a hospital room. You could recognize the medical care area. You tried to remember what happened. You were… attacked at the base? Fuck. Your eyes shifted to the voices the whole squad was there. Laswell was here too. Your eyes filled with tears. They came for you.

You looked at the couch next to the bed.

"Reaper…" you tried in a rasp.

Everyone turned to you in a flash.

That simple word had felt like you were ripping apart your own throat.

"Fucking hell Y/N!" Simon growled.

Everyone rushed to your side.

"Are you alright?" Kate asked, worry clearly tainting her voice.

You nodded slightly.

"Let me call the doc." Price said.

You wanted to roll your eyes. Your eyes shifted to Simon. You smiled at him.

You came… you mouthed.

"You called."

The doc walked in, stepping towards you. He checked you up, giving you some medicine for your head and throat as you had tried your best to describe where it hurt and some water. You were fine. The squad had intervened very fast. You had to rest though. You wouldn't be able to speak for a little while. The angry bruises on your neck looked quite bad, but fuck it, you were alive. You had to stay in the hospital for a few days to make sure everything was fine.

Talking was a no for a little while, probably a few days, so you got creative.

Did you guys catch the guy? You wrote on your phone before showing the screen to the team.

"Yes." Soap answered seriously.

"Ghost shot him on sight." Gaz said in the same tone.

You turned to look at him as he stood, arms crossed looking at you. You smiled at him. It could have been a good source of information. But you understood his move. You even found peace in his violence. He didn't hesitate a second to kill for you.

What are we going to do? You wrote again.

"Right now you do nothing." Laswell answered. You had never heard such a tone in her voice.

"You rest. You do nothing. This time squad 141 had been tasked to keep you safe and I won't take no for an answer. It's an order and it's already been acted."

You looked at Ghost. He was unreadable. But you could still feel how uneasy he was feeling.

You sighed and nodded. You weren't going to complain.

Soap and gaz left a bit later, going to rest before taking their shift in your room to watch over you. Ghost was staying obviously, he hadn't even sat down yet.

Laswell and Price hovered over you like hawks. Laswell looked absolutely torned.

Kate it wasn't your fault. You wrote

"Y/N. You are under my responsibility. Putting aside the contract, you matter so much to me and I've failed to keep you safe."

You wrote furiously, hating the fact that your voice would burn your throat.

This isn't the first time, you can't always protect me.

"I know I can't always protect you. But fuck you are literally on a military base, and someone tried to kill you. Our part of the contract with you is to keep you safe and away from harm as you put yourself on the first line against the worst." She said, her eyes glistening softly.

You took her hand in yours, smiling at her. You didn't want her to cry. You'd cry too.

"We were right there. We were supposed to keep you safe too. Everyone's on edge." Price added.

You looked at him. Something flashed through your mind. Simon. He probably was feeling furious, thinking you disobeyed him and this happened. This time you tried blinking the tears away. You took back your hand, typing something on your phone. Your eyes then searched Simon's ones, and he immediately walked to you.

You turned the screen towards him, a heartbroken expression on your face, a tear escaping what should have been their prison.

I'm sorry

He frowned.

"No."

You bit your lip.

"Don't you dare apologize, you hear me?" He growled.

"No, Y/N, this isn't your fault…" Kate added.

You nodded frantically, of course it was. He was after you. You were causing such a mess.

"No, no hey, you're ok, don't beat yourself up for someone else's actions. You are being hunted down." Price softly said.

You were fully crying now. You felt so bad and so guilty. Ghost looked absolutely out of himself, you could feel his hands softly shaking on your leg. You caused this.

"Hey, hey. Look at me. Bunny. I said, Look at me."

You finally gave in. His hands rose to your face, cupping it softly. You noticed the obvious bruises and blood on his knuckles.

"It. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

You blinked, letting tears fall again.

"Do you understand? No one. And I say NO ONE. Is holding you accountable for this situation."

You closed your eyes leaning into his touch. He wrapped his arms around you, you buried your face in his chest, trying to ignore the ache coming from your throat. He softly brushed your hair, calming you down.

You took a deep breath gaining composure. You separated, wiping your tears away.

"Rest now. Alright?"

You nodded.

"Lieutenant Riley and I will take the first watch." Price said.

Laswell nodded. Price walked her out of the room. You remained with Simon. You looked up at him as he glanced at you. A hand rose to hover over your jawline, eyes fixated on your bruised throat. You grabbed his hand, rubbing your cheek against it, trying to comfort him.

"I fucked up. You got hurt while in my care." He said.

You shook your head softly.

"Yes. You were." He took a deep breath.

"Listen to me now. You are my mission from now on. Do you understand?"

You frowned.

"I'm going to keep you safe, even if I have to burn this base down."

You shivered.

"But I'm also going to be very professional. Do you understand?"

You look puzzled.

"No more bunny. No more Simon… I'm gonna be cold. Tactical. Don't take it personally please."

You pouted.

He smirked under the mask.

"I promise. I'll take care of this, and then we'll enjoy each other."

You rubbed your cheek against his hand again.

"Darling… look at me. Do you understand? From now on, it's going to be Ghost. You're gonna have to be a good girl, and obey. Alright?"

You looked up at him, nodding.

"Good."

You grabbed your phone, typing up.

Can I still wear your hoodie… it comforts me…

He chuckled.

"Yes. You can wear my hoodies. I'll still be here, I'm not leaving, ever. I'll just… my head's going to be focused on a target."

You nodded. You were understanding that. You weren't going to fight over this. You still felt absolutely guilty and terrible. You just wanted for this to be over. Usually, when you were the target, you often ended up in almost similar situations, though this time you had been careless. You truly would have been dead if it wasn't for the squad having your back.

You had let yourself go on the fact that you were on a military base and you thought you were perfectly safe.

"Come on, rest now. Price and I are here."

You smiled at him and nodded. You let yourself fall back into your pillow. He brushed a few strands of hair away from your face before turning and walking to the door meeting Laswell and Price outside.

You looked at the ceiling thinking about the events. You were trying to remember everything that happened during the attack, something that might bring a memory, a piece of information. But the more you thought about it, the heavier your eyes became. You were exhausted. But also frustrated. The ache in your throat was a reminder of what was wrong. Was that guy's darkends? No. He wouldn't have put himself in danger like that.

You had to find darkends. You had to get to him. But how? Especially now that you were being watched constantly by squad 141.

You closed your eyes. Swallowing felt really painful. You were thankful for the medication who was starting to numb the pain. You tried to stay awake but we're slowly being lulled to sleep.

Did they walk back in? You were sure you could hear their voices… Did they put Reaper next to you? You could hug something fluffy now. You weren't sure, you were tired. You fell asleep.

During the night, you woke up, feeling something heavy on you. You blinked looking down. You were absolutely shocked, Simon was cuddling you, his head over your stomach and his legs in between yours. He was hugging your waist. Price was outside, you could see his shadow through the blurred glass window. You smiled, letting your hand fall on Simon's head, softly caressing it through the mask. His grip around your waist tightened.

"Hush… go to sleep Y/N."

You smiled. You wanted to ask what happened to being professional? But you couldn't. Though he seemed to read your mind.

"Let me just stay like this a bit… you're here. I almost fucking lost you-"

You let your hand go to his cheeks caressing it and the other on his forearm. He sighed.

"Sleep…"

You smiled, closing your eyes again. It felt warm. Amazing to have him against you like this. You were falling back asleep, trapped in between the land of dream and reality. The world around you was a blur…

My little bunny

After a full week you were discharged. Kate had completely refused to let you return to your apartment. Instead, a small space right at the center of the base had been converted into a living space. The small building had been made so the higher sergeant or lieutenant could catch a break and had a small kitchen and a bathroom and two small rooms that were previously offices. The two small rooms had been emptied and a bed, and a few other pieces of furniture were occupying the space. One of the rooms had bunk beds and a single bed so the boys could sleep.

Soap had nicely brought things from your apartment, though Simon was the only one to touch your clothes… because… underwear. You had some blankets, your laptops, chargers, Reaper obviously, some hygiene products and mostly, Simon had brought you a few of his hoodies.

You were bored. The boys wouldn't let you do anything on your own except go to the bathroom and shower.

The doctor had run multiple tests, luckily, the strand of plastic that had wrapped around your neck had mostly cut the flow of air, bruised and burned your skin thanks to the fabric laced around the cable. The boys had very luckily found you fast enough and made sure that you were breathing. The bruises were still very visible, you tried to hide it but it was pointless. Your voice was slowly coming back but talking was still a challenge so you kept using your phone to talk to the team.

You wanted to do something, maybe walk around. You kept searching on your laptop, sending any bit of information to the rest of the IT team. Laswell kept nagging you, she wanted you to completely withdraw from the mission. You had refused, after all you were the one being hunted.

After a few days, they had finally found the identity of the attacker, a soldier from base. He had no particular link to you or the mission, so you asked Laswell to bring his electronics. You spent hours on the small table in the makeshift living room, searching through his phone and laptop. It didn't take long to find evidence.

Pictures, messages, videos, all from missions he had been on. Missions that turned wrong. All used to mentally blackmail and wash his brain into complying. You froze in place when you read one of the messages sent by darkends.

And the little bird kept singing to everyone, and the cat, jealous, made sure it would no longer sing.

That motherfucker. He had completely used that poor guy, just to taunt you? Just to send a message? Fuck, that guy's dead now! You felt incredibly guilty, closing the laptop with a snap, attracting curious looks your way.

"Is everything ok?" Soap asked.

Simon eyed you from a corner of the room.

You grabbed your phone typing something.

My throat hurts, I want to speak and I can't. I'm very frustrated.

You lied. You tried to write something they would accept.

"Oh, would you like tea?" He offered with a smile.

You softened your features playing pretend and you nodded, mouthing thank you.

You, on the other hand, grabbed your own laptop and immediately got to work. You had to secure the team. Their files were confidential, but you wouldn't put it past darkends to manage that exploit. You knew the boys wouldn't betray you, but you'd be damned if they were thrown into a fire you were causing.

It took a few minutes to get into the protected system and find the files. You knew by now the IT team had been alerted by a breach of security because you weren't being careful. You wanted to encrypt the files until no one, no, one, could open them. You had very little time before someone came rushing through your door, probably Laswell, scolding you.

You had managed to encrypt everything, living your signature imprint. Soap had given you a warm tea with honey in it and you smiled, this time a true one as you felt relieved. Little over a minute after, the door swung open, startling Price and Soap.

"What the fuck?!" Laswell yelled.

You were expecting it. You took a sip of your team, the warmth of it making you feel good and in slight pain.

"What happened? " Price asked, following her glare straight to you.

"You hacked the military?! What for??" She was slightly furious. Slightly.

You opened the soldier's laptop, opening the message wide. You turned the screen to her. Everyone walked to it, reading it. You took this time to write on your phone.

He's using people against me. I'm not letting him use my friends.

She read your phone, the boys taking a glance too.

"Damn right we're friends!" Soap cheered, earning a 'shut up' from Ghost.

"You protected their files?" She finally understood.

You nodded typing again.

Sorry I didn't ask, I wanted to do it fast.

She sighed.

"That's going to be a lot of paperwork…"

You smiled apologetically.

"You know, we'd never hurt you." Soap said, looking at you.

You frowned sadly.

"I know… he'd hurt you…" you tried with a low, shaky voice. It still burnt your throat to speak. But you felt like you needed to say it out loud. You needed to tell them you trusted them with your life. He smiled, running to hug you. You smiled too. There wasn't a doubt in your head, these men would protect you with their lives. You would be fucking damned if you wouldn't protect them at all costs.

It had been almost three weeks now you were stuck in this little house. Sure, it was fun to spend time with the boys, playing poker or the switch. Unfortunately, as Simon had warned, he was cold. He was very professional and wouldn't participate in the games. It made you sad. You wanted to be in his arms. And in all honesty, you were slightly annoyed, and pouting. One hug. It wouldn't kill him!

You could feel his eyes on you sometimes. Ghost really had seemed to be taking full control. His gaze was darker. It was thrilling. And you played with it. Especially now that you were bored and annoyed. You wore a tank top, sometimes without bras, your nipples showing through the fabric. He would look absolutely furious. The poor boys were the one paying for your taunts as he threw murderous glances to everyone. You had given up, taking pity on the boys. You'd talk back, you'd be a brat. But he kept it professional. Much to your dismay.

It had been extremely peaceful. Your bruises were almost faded, but your voice was still shaky. You'd speak a bit more often. But no yelling, no laughing out loud. At least you didn't have to type anymore.

Nothing had happened. Nothing. Darkends had been silent. You were even wondering if he hadn't given up. It was, however, calm before the storm.

Laswell walked in, three soldiers behind her. Everyone turned to the newcomers, attention on them.

"We have a problem."

Price stood from the small couch.

"Your apartment has been trashed." She continued.

This time she was talking to you. You jumped from the chair.

"No. No. You are not coming." She warned.

"What..?" You hated how weak your voice was.

"Ghost, Soap and price, you're coming with me, Sparrow you'll be staying with these recruits for the next few hours. Gaz and Konig will also join them soon."

You frowned. That was ridiculous! You were going to say it out loud before Ghost spoke.

"No. Stay."

You looked at him. You wanted to scream but you just looked angrily at him.

"Get mad if you want. Wouldn't change shit." He fumed.

You gasped, shocked.

You flipped him the bird, earning a terrifying glance from him and a laugh from Soap. You ran to your room, locking the door behind you. God! Your blood was boiling. They wanted to protect you, sure. But it was your mission. You wanted to be part of it.

You heard them as they left. You needed to do something. You needed to go there with them. It was your house! Your home. Your eyes stopped on the window. This was a long shot. A very long one. But fuck you needed to try it. You opened it, taking a look outside. You could see the cars not too far. The gears in your mind were turning. Was there any way you could run and hide in the trunk?

Fuck. It was either staying in your room, or giving it a try. The worst that could happen is Ghost finding you and… who knows.

You slipped through the window, thanking whatever you could that the ground wasn't too far from your feet. Walking to the corner of the building you took a peek. Laswell was having some kind of pep talk. You looked at the car in front of you. You had to run, hide behind it, open the trunk as discreetly as possible and hide in it.

You took a deep breath, hunching down and making a run for it.

You couldn't believe it. It worked. You were behind the jeep. Now was not the time to get cold feet, you had to act fast. You slowly unlocked it, cringing at the lock's noise. You opened it slightly just enough to roll your body inside. Now closing it was the hardest part. And then there it was. Price and Laswell barking orders loudly. Loud enough to cover the sound of the trunk closing. So you did, not wasting this chance.

You exhaled. God. You couldn't believe this. The car shook as the doors opened. You froze, eyes widening.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

People got in. By the voices, Soap, Ghost Price and someone else.

The way the car rolled out of parking, you knew Ghost was driving. It was going to be a long ride.

And it had been. You were sure to have a few bruises when you'd get out. When the car finally stopped you almost thanked the skies for it. The guys got out. Now you had to get out. An idea popped in your head. You took your phone out texting Soap.

Soap. Trunk. Don't tell Ghost.

What?

TRUNK.

You waited. It was long. What was he doing?!

And suddenly the trunk opened. Soap looked absolutely horrified. You would have laughed. But also looked horrified when he closed the trunk right back. What the…?!

You knocked on the trunk repeatedly to make him open again. And he did, still wide eyed and now looking around to see if anyone was looking.

"What are you doing here?!" He said in the loudest hushed whisper ever.

"I'm going to see my apartment!" You answered in the same tone, glad to be talking in a low voice. You rolled and jumped out of the trunk.

"Nonononononono…." He whispered-yelled again.

"Yes. Yes. Yes." You claimed looking straight at him.

"LT is going to kill us! You for disobeying and me for hiding you from him!" He hushed again.

You rolled your eyes.

"You're fine!" You whispered-yelled too.

You passed right by him heading straight to your building.

"Sparrow! No!! Fuck!"

You kept heading up, now fully visible to everyone Soap running up to you. He looked visibly unwell. You promised yourself to take the fall for him. You were climbing the stairs, every soldier now noticing you and looking a mix of shock and terror as you passed by. It made you uneasy. You started to worry about Ghost's reaction too. But now was no time to worry. You were here, you were going to investigate.

Finally reaching your apartment door you stepped inside. The first one to see you was price. And the first thing you noticed, was that the place wasn't trashed at all.

"Y/N!" Price reprimanded.

You stopped. Fuck. He could have said anything. A 'why are you here', or 'what the fuck' or anything else. But your name? It attracted him. He almost came running from the hallway. When your eyes locked, the only thing you wanted to do was run. He immediately rushed to you picking you up, throwing you over his shoulder.

"No!" You tried.

You pounded on his back, though he clearly didn't seem to care. He started heading towards the door. In a last attempt you grabbed someone's arm. Laswell.

"Lieutenant."

He stopped. You closed your eyes, sighing with relief.

"Please put her down."

He took a second, his breathing had quickened, but he put you down, not softly, you had to get your balance back.

You frowned at him. A staring match starting.

"Sparrow." Laswell reasoned.

You looked at her.

"Why are you here? How did you even?" She asked.

"It's. My. Mission. My house Kate." You explained. Your voice kept at a normal level, even though rage coursed through your mind.

She opened her mouth but your cut her off.

"It's my life on the line." She looked taken aback. "Don't keep me out of this."

She seemed to think for a second. Finally, she nodded slightly. You relaxed your shoulders, turning to look at Ghost. He truly looked furious. But so were you. You stuck your tongue out at him.

"You little-"

You turned your back on him turning to Laswell.

"The place was supposed to be trashed." You noted.

For a second hey eyes faltered. You immediately understood. Your room. You headed down the hall, stepping inside your bedroom. You weren't prepared for what you saw. The tags on the walls, the room completely trashed. Your belongings everywhere, on the floor, broken or ripped apart. You didn't even have to guess. The words 'you're mine birdie' had been spray painted all over the walls. You looked to the floor, kicking the head of one of your stuffed animals that seemed to be missing his body.

"Are you alright?" Kate asked, showing up next to you.

You shrugged.

"It's just some objects. I'm fine. It's going to take forever to fix it though."

You walked to your built PC, completely broken.

"This, however, breaks my heart."

She chuckled.

"We'll pay for a new one. I promise."

You smiled at her. You checked the broken components. Your hard drive was still there. Nothing had been stolen. This was just for show.

"Anything?" She asked.

"Nothing. Nothing's been stolen. This was on purpose, to send a message." You said.

She sighed.

"The question now is, was it him or did he have another puppet?" She wondered.

Ghost walked in. For some reason. You knew you were fucked. And not in a good way.

"May I take her now? I'd like to have a chat with her in the bathroom" He asked.

You looked panicked, looking at Kate for help. She grinned.

"Absolutely. She's all yours lieutenant."

"What?" You said, voice barely above normal. You tried not to force your voice and you hated it.

"What? You thought we'd leave you unpunished?" She asked.

"What the fu-"

You didn't have time to finish, in two steps he crossed the space in between you two grabbing your wrist and dragging you with him. Kate pretended to look away at something much more interesting.

"Traitor!" You threw as you exited the room.

Your heart beat rose as you approached the bathroom. You felt everyone's gaze as you were shoved inside, Ghost behind you. You turned around to look at him, mouth gasping as you saw him lock the door.

When his eyes met yours you shivered. You didn't exactly know if it was fear or anticipation. He crossed his arms over his chest. He had rolled up his sleeves, his muscles flexing.

"You don't fucking listen."

You gazed back into his eyes.

"For the past week, you've been bratting non-stop." He stepped forward, now inches from you.

You frowned, trying to have some kind of composure in front of him.

"What's wrong bunny? Cat got your tongue?"

God you felt yourself melt. Bunny… the last time he called you like that was in the hospital.

"I'm sure I saw it moments ago in the living room though. Such a big mouth yet very little action. Once it's only the two of us, you melt down"

That motherf-

"Fuck you Ghost." You spat, mouth running faster than your brain.

He chuckled. A very dark one. He grabbed your wrists, made your arms fold behind your back and twisted you so you were back to him, staring into the bathroom mirror. He was right behind you staring right back at you. Your cheeks burned. Fuck…

"You want my attention. That's what you fucking want." He spoke in a low grunt, right next to your ear. You closed your eyes.

"Eyes on me." He ordered.

You opened them looking at him in the mirror.

"Good girl." He praised. "If you want attention, now you have it. You have my whole attention." He growled.

He held your wrist with one hand only. Fuck he was so big compared to you. His other hand rose to your mouth.

"Bite it. Take off my glove."

You frowned.

"If I have to repeat myself, you're going to regret it." He warned.

You opened your mouth slowly. His clothed fingers touching your lips. You grabbed the fabric in between your teeth and he wiggled his hand out. He grabbed it as you let it drop.

"See. You can be such a good girl. But no. All you wanted was my attention. You couldn't fucking handle seeing me right there not touching you."

The more he spoke the warmer you felt. What was he doing? What was happening…

"S-simon…" you let out.

"Wrong. Try again."

Fuck…

"Ghost…" you whined.

"Yes. Ghost. I told you it was going to be like this. That I was going to be professional." He explained.

His naked fingers reached your lips again.

"Open."

You blushed, eyes widening a bit.

"Bunny." He warned.

Your lips parted slowly.

"Stick your tongue out. Go on. You seem to like doing it in front of everyone, so do it for me."

You obeyed. Two of his fingers touched your tongue, softly applying pressure. The rest of his hand enveloping your chin.

You whined.

"I told you. I warned you. And yet you walk around half fucking naked in front of my men just to rile me up." He hissed.

His hand lingered there. The more your mouth was open, the harder it was to swallow, his fingers getting wetter by the second.

"My mind is fucking stuck in killing mode. And you rile me up bunny? Congratulations, you might be the only one to manage to fucking turn on Ghost."

You couldn't believe it. You had turned him on. You had been torturing him. Fuck, the way he looked at you.

"Do you know how many times I wanted to bend you over the table and fuck you in front of everyone? Just to fucking show them who you belong to?"

You bent your back, trying to grind unto him, his little confession having much more effect on you than you wanted. However he didn't allow it, backing off without letting you go.

"Oh no little bunny. Do you like that thought?" He chuckled again.

You were obviously drooling all over his hand. Not that it seemed to bother him.

"Fuck… look at you little one. So fucking pretty for me. So obedient. The only reason I'm not deep throating you with my fingers, that I'm not wrapping my hand around your pretty neck, it's that it's too soon. I don't want to hurt my little doll."

Ok. Now you were wet. That asshole was torturing you just like you did to him. You closed your eyes, whining again.

"Look. At. Me." He ordered again.

You obeyed. You looked at him, pleading. You didn't even know what you were pleading for.

"Are you going to be a good girl now? Are you going to behave for me?" He asked in a vanilla voice that contrasted a lot with the way he was holding you.

You whined again, trying to nod your head.

"Fuck. Look what mess you made of my hand… go on. Suck on my fingers."

You looked a bit shocked again but he held your gaze. Your lips wrapped around him as you retracted your tongue. You sucked softly, using your tongue to lick your saliva off his fingers.

"Fuck bunny… such a good girl."

The way he praised you, his own voice laced with desire. This situation had escalated quickly.

He took back his finger, wiping your chin. He sighed. His now free hand traveled to your waist, his arm now wrapping around it. The other let go of your wrists, letting you bring your arms back to your chest. He hugged you tightly from behind, hiding his face in your neck.

"I-I'm sorry…"

You blinked. Did you really hear that?

"Ghost…"

"I'm sorry… I… got off track."

You smiled.

"It's ok… it was… nice" you tried.

He looked back up at the mirror.

"Really. I trust you. You… can do those things to me…" you looked away. You couldn't hold his gaze anymore. What the hell were you saying?

"Don't say shit like that bunny… I'm gonna loose my fucking mind with you. I'm on mission fuck."

His embrace tightened, his hands traveling a bit closer to places you craved. You had been wanting this. His arms. Being in his hold. This was even more than you had wished for.

Your phone buzzed. You couldn't see the screen but he did. And whatever he read there, brought him back to reality.

"God fucking damn it!" He cursed.

That woke you up too. He let go of you and headed out of the door. You blinked. You took your phone in your hand.

Hi birdie, I'm coming.

What the? You opened the message log. How? How did he get so close now? Another message showed.

The little bird, no longer singing, was sad. The wolf took pity and swore to protect the birdie. The cat, growing even more jealous, swore that he'd take her from him.

You shivered. You had to be honest. That guy was frightening. A complete psycho. And he just ruined your moment so fuck him. You walked out, everyone was already running everywhere.

"Sparrow, you're going back to base right now." Price announced.

You nodded, not wanting to discuss this. You choose your battles and this wasn't one you wanted to win. Laswell walked to you, hand forward asking for your phone. You gave it to her for her to read the message that clearly Ghost had already told everyone about. She cursed loudly.

"Hansen, Soap take her back to base."

Hansen? Peter was here? You looked at him smiling a bit as he clearly looked anxious.

"Wait. I'll take her." Ghost interrupted.

"No. I need you somewhere else lieutenant. They can perfectly bring her to safety." She refused.

Ghost looked annoyed, his hands turning into fists.

"I'll be with her LT. I'm keeping her safe." Soap said.

It warmed your heart. Peter simply nodded, still looking on the verge of having a panic attack.

"Good. Now go!" Laswell ordered.

You smiled at Ghost as you followed Soap and Peter out.

You headed down the stairs to the parking lot, the two men closely watching you and your surroundings.

"We can take my car" Peter offered.

Soap frowned but nodded. Peter unlocked his car, opening the backdoor for you. You hopped in as he closed the door. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. You wanted this to end. You needed your calm, boring life back. You wanted to enjoy Simon and continue whatever was happening between the both of you. You also wanted to finally sit down with him and ask him what he truly wanted from you, hoping that he wanted you to be his officially. You needed to hear him say it.

You opened your eyes back as the car shook a bit. Peter had sat in the driver's seat, turning the car on.

"Where's Soap?" You asked.

"The lieutenant called him back." Peter said.

Really? That was weird… Ghost wouldn't have let you alone with Peter.

The car moved as you started to head out of the parking spot. You turned in your seat watching through the back window. You felt your heart fall into an abyss when you saw Soap lying on the ground.

"What the fuck?!" You yelled, too loud for your sore throat.

You turned back to Peter. He looked different. A new confidence in him that was unfamiliar.

"Don't worry. He's not dead. Just napping."

You were confused and suddenly terrified. Did darkends also blackmail Peter ?

"Peter, whatever that guy is blackmailing you with, I can help you. Please." You tried to reason him.

He laughed.

"You're adorable. Really. I can't wait to have you all to myself birdie."

And it clicked. The puzzle pieces finally fit together. How was this even possible? Simon was right. You didn't recognize your own voice as you stated the obvious.

"You're darkends."

____

A/N: my foreshadowing is shit, and ya'll are too smart

#price cod #gaz cod #ghost cod #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley smut #simon ghost riley #simon riley #john price #captain price #kyle gaz garrick #john soap mactavish #soap mw2 #fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic

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11queensupreme11 · 5 months ago

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OKKKKAY IDK IF YOU STILL NEED HELP FOR PERCY’S SCENT! But as someone who used to work as a fragrance chemist this is up my alley 😤 you should’ve said something sooner girlie.

Also please note idk why but it won’t let me put the pics with each perfume I’m talking about so I’m putting the pics in order from what I typed

BVLGARI AQVA MARINE… hear me out.. it’s for men 😭 BUT GIRL look what it has… I LIKE THIS ONE CAUSE WHEN I SMELLED IT ONCE IT HAD A NICE SALTY SEAWEED VIBE LIKE SMELL and our girl is called seaweed brain 🥹 and look at the bottle … it kinda matches her eyes

So the rest aren’t best to worst just a whatever and what I remember 😭

Heeley's Sel Marin (unisex) Okay so this one is nice it def got a salt water smell almost like you walking on the beach when it’s sunny and you kinda smell the saltiness the ocean has to offer when walking near the ocean and it does have a seaweed funk to it not as much but it’s there.

Tom Ford Oud Minerale (unisex fragrance) Okay so here is this one… I go shopping for perfume/ cologne a lot so I have smelled this one recently, so I add the description if you wanna read it, if I remember this one does capture the fragrance of the ocean but it does have a bit of “fresh water” but it’s a bit brackish (so it’s between fresh and seawater) so it’s does capture the sea heavily almost like when you go walking during the night and the breeze is blowing in the air and you can smell the ocean a bit more than the day ( that how I see it)

Armani Privé - Bleu Lazuli Okay so this is not like beach or ocean but it does have nice smell (the description explains it nicely ) I know of this one cause I used to buy it 😭😭 the design is so pretty and it match daddyseidon aesthetic too 😭 # bias

Jo Malone Wood Sage and Sea Salt (Unisex) So this one is nicceee I put this cause it says salty in the description but tbh it leans toward freshie and it captures the smell of the ocean quiet nicely but it’s a little woodsy tho and it made me think of her daddy cause of this chapter where Anubis said she got her dad scent all over her (isn’t the mf scenting her or something???). So it made think how they may smell alike but people can smell her dad’s scent so that’s where the woodsy comes in to tell their scents apart.

Sea of Gray

I honesty came across this one when doing my research and the description seems on point for you tbh I haven’t smelled it but what it says sounds like it may be but if has that ocean like feel I am not sure … also the first website I clicked said it cost $22 which is cheap if Percy ever wants to buy it compare to the rest of them 😭 this I couldn’t add the description but you can search them up

Anyway you can see that even tho they have a salty/ fresh water based to some they always have an extra thing added like spice or vanilla so don’t think toooo much on it. Cause even these things aren’t 100% close to smelling like the actual sea. But hopefully the description of them can help you!!

IM SORRY BESTIE, I ALREADY GOT THE FRAGRANCE FROM HER I SHOULD'VE WENT TO YOU FIRST 😭😭😭

i picked mermaid's embrace from deep midnight perfumes

literally i just googled "perfume mermaids sirens" and then a reddit post came up and i saw this one listed 😭 i liked the description so i went with it 💀

BUT YOU USED TO WORK AS A FRAGRANCE CHEMIST????? omg i remember your super detailed post about the yanderes scents and that explains so much lmaooo that sounds so cool though!!!

#👸🏻| asks #👸🏻| arsenic blues

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bestjeanistmonster · 3 months ago

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hey I always wandered why do you chose certain characters in roles for your DC au like sonic as Harley Quinn or knuckles as bat man?

also I love your content btw!

usually i just choose what character roles i think would be interesting to explore for that character, or just what would be most fun

like when you think of Sonic in the dc universe you would instantly think ‘ok he would be the flash’, and its true that he would probably make a pretty good flash and a good story could come out of that, or maybe making Amy ‘harley quinn’ and again lots of character stuff you could do with that

But those options kinda just. write themselves tbh, its a bit too easy for me to just choose those options and call it a day cuz just looking at them you’d get their entire deal.

So when im choosing character roles im basically asking myself, not just ‘what sonic character would fit in this dc role the best’ but ‘what would this specific sonic character have to do/go through to become some version of this character’ or ‘what how would this dc role have to be moulded to fit this sonic character’

lets take Shadow for example!

he was the first person i made Shadow would obviously be batman, just looking at him and his backstory he would make an amazing batman, he fits that pretty well no question

but at the time i made Shadow poison ivy, i was reading the the comic series ‘Poison Ivy: The Virtuous Cycle’, it went into detail into Ivy’s hatred for humanity and how they’re destroying the planet, and how she plans to kill all of them off (including herself) in order to save it. It was so interesting to think about her hatred for humanity this way, so interesting that my brain was like ‘wow if when shadow woke up from his cryostasis and learnt all this he’d probably wanna kill humanity even more lol’

then i thought about it more, Poison Ivy cares deeply for the environment and basically wants to kill all humans cuz they’re destroying the planet and giving Shadow that role kinda adds another layer to that because human’s are destroying the world that Maria so desperately wanted to see and he can literally feel the planet dying cuz of that plant connection + the fact that he was created artificially in a lab by humans (plus alien deadbeat) away from the planet and having that intrinsic connection to that planet below the Ark his whole life, a direct connection to the planet that Maria loved so much, a connection that he would’ve never fully known the extent of if GUN hadn’t raided.

So what if wanting to destroy the planet, he wanted to save it and to save it he had eradicated a certain ‘infestation’, humanity.

that was super interesting to me to explore as a concept so Poison Ivy!Shadow, the first character in my dc au was born!!!

it’s important to me that though im making Shadow and Ivy have the same role im not just copypasting Ivy’s backstory onto Shadow, they’re different characters and those backstories aren’t necessarily interchangeable, different things happened to make them who they are and one might not work for the other.

And if i do make the backstory similar, i wanna make changes so i can justify why they made these choices, like with what i did Sonic

Sonic’s dc au backstory follows similar beats as Harley Quinn’s backstory, but i added some details make it more believable for me to understand how Sonic could ever became what Harleen Quinzel became. So i started him out Nicky from the sonic manga, an insecure, weak, nerdy kid that’s easy for people to beat up and pick on, so he’d be someone with vulnerabilities and insecurities. Then i had Tails and Amy be his number 1 protectors cuz he can’t protect himself, his insecurities deepening cuz of this (not only can he not protect himself, he doesn’t even have the strength to protect them), he lived in the worst place in gotham, etc. Basically a lot of stuff that Eggman could use to exploit and manipulate him.

this made it really interesting and fun for me to delve into his mindset and see how he would tick!

then from Sonic’s kidnapping came Tails and Amy’s motivations to become vigilantes, to save their friend, people like their friend and to stop people like the joker from hurting them

other times times i just make the choices based on vibes and what would fit the plot <3

this character exploration and thinking process is why i personally don’t allow ppl to make character suggestions for any of my aus, cuz its really a personal process of picking out roles and dissecting them in my brain

but yh that’s pretty much why i picked who i picked lol

ty for the question!

#sonadow harlivy au #jeanist answers #woahhhh this is long lol

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riririnnnn · 11 months ago

Text

Alright, I'm here to speak for my husband.

I'm new in Tumblr, so I don't exactly know what people think about Noa here, but as far as I have seen in other places, people generally say that he is the worst coach in NEL.

WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT ALL!

*screeches and rips out your wig*

Firstly, no coaches forced/pressurised anyone to choose their teams. It was one's own wish to go wherever the heck they want. Further, Ego explained everything about each stratum individually, so one knew what he was going in for.

So in no particular order, let's start.

1. Lavinho

Bro

BRO

You are telling me that this:

Is a better coach than Noa?

I agree that the whole speech by Lavi was actually fantastic, and further when Bachira told him about his Monster, not so surprisingly, Lavi told him exactly what he needed to hear because dun dun dun! Who chose FC Barcha?

YAS!

Bachira did, so obviously, it was the best for him and he improved.

Schizophrenia meets paranoia.

I mean, if he were to go in Ubers, Snuffy would've destroyed his 'originality'; if he were to go in PxG, he would've been outshined and pushed into being a midfielder, and in BM, he would've been depressed tbh. Manshine City is the only one which I think he could've improved physically.

All in all, my main focus about Lavi in this post is this panel:

Like, Lavi.

NO!

Guess who called him out for it?

Yes:

JUST LOOK AT WHAT HE SAID!

THAT'S MY HUSBAND Y'ALL!

I can't add more than 10/10 pictures per post, so I'm not adding it here:

In that same chapter (163) of the above panel, he calls out for Kunigami for the goals he missed, and then later (165) he asks him, "Now that you have seen it live, you think you can copy those movements?" If we consider his stoic personality, then it's his way of teaching.

Further, in chapter 164, when Lavi and Noa were going 1V1, and Isagi decided to jump in to steal the ball, Lavi used the blueberry boy as a way to get past Noa. Of course, Lavi was like, "Oh? Weaklings are just noise." LIKE HONEY STOP HE IS JUST A HIGH SCHOOL-ER!?

But yeah, Noa didn't chase Lavi further, and instead stopped to catch falling Isagi and explained him about the playstyle of Lavi.

BRO WHAT YOU WANT MORE!? HE IS NOT A BAD COACH!

2. Chris Prince

It's surprising, but his speech was hella good during the introduction.

And I don't mind that he strips and endorses stuffs. Like, do what you gotta do to get the bread in this economy. Besides, if I were a man and had a body like his, I'll be showing off too.

What, obviously, I'm going to show is this:

Like, the scores were 2-2, it was a PEAK moment, and he jumps in to take the spotlight?

Noa rightfully calls him out for it:

"This isn't your stage, Chris. Back off."

LOUDER FOR THE HATERS!

And you are telling me that Noa is a bad coach, huh?

Chris literally provoked Kaiser, made a near fool out off Yukimiya, and then started a beef with Isagi.

ACT YOUR AGE, CHRIS!

It's like someone throws me and you between Kindergartens, and then I start to write in beautiful cursive to prove that I'm so better than you.

3. Marc Snuffy

It's hypocritical, but the thing I called out Lavinho for, is the same reason why I wouldn't have gone to Ubers if I were a Blue Lock-er: telling the players what to do.

Starting from the start, we can see that Snuffy is one hell of a strategist, and was able to impress everyone.

However, it's been so long since NEL started that we have nearly forgotten that Blue Lock was made for strikers, and everyone selected were the forwards of their team. Like, fym Barou is the best suited to be a striker. Personally, I wouldn't have let it slide and would've started swinging fists.

Also, why are you trauma dumping into a 18 year old you met a few moments ago, just because he refused to play by your sayings.

Imagine someone tells you a story, and you go like, "Why are you telling me some loser's story?" And that someone replies, "Oh, actually, that was my best friend and he killed himself."

Are you getting me?

Further, I think Ubers got the better end of stick because:

Barou Shoei. No explanation needed.

Aryu Jyubei. He was literally the Top 3 during the second selection.

Niko Ikki. Bro is only 15 and hasn't even played for that long and was able to defend against Shidou and has meta vision.

Aiku Oliver. No explanation needed.

Sendou Shuto. Bro was literally the ace of (ex) U-20 team.

Don Lorenzo. Bro stopped Kaiser's impact

At this point, I'm getting my own emotions involved, but I didn't like how he just assigned everyone into positions. It felt like he molded them according to his own wants/needs that is, to win. I mean, he used data of the players to come up with a plan, right? Then why people think Noa is too reliant on numbers?

I'm not saying that Snuffy is a bad coach. Whatever he did, it turned out to work for the best. In fact, kudos for him to help Barou score by pushing Noa aside:

He is a good man and a good coach. Please don't think I hate Ubers.

4. Julian Loki

We haven't seen much of him, but if Shidou and Rin are in close quarters without trying to bust open eachother's skulls, then I think Loki is good at whatever he is cooking. Further, the fact that he is only 17, makes everything very impressive.

I know that we have already gotten a chapter focused on PxG, but it's not sufficient to precisely say how things got to be the way they are currently.

Also, ngl, I do think that PxG got the better end of the stick too:

Itoshi Rin. No explanation needed.

Shidou Ryusei. No explanation needed.

Tokimitsu Aoshi. He was literally Top 3 during the second selection. Like, even Barou couldn't defend against him (at that time).

Karasu Tabito. Bro is smart.

Tsurugi Zantetsu. Bro is speed.

Charles Chevalier. HE IS 15 AND ALREADY A PLAYMAKER.

Nanase Nijiro. Can't say much, but I think he is good.

The only problems are:

Itoshi Rin

Shidou Ryusei

Lol

.................................

To sum it up, Noa isn't a bad coach.

I do think it was a bit not-so considerate of him to just throw them into those physical tests because THEY ARE JAPANESE, NOA!? THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!? If I were to be there, I would've been so lost like, Man, what you even want me to do?

Well, like I said earlier, everyone who chose the Germany stratum knew what they were getting into. Besides, Noa had made it crystal clear from the very start that if you want to play as regulars, prove it through your performance— what more do you want him to do!? Die or something?

Secondly, when Isagi came to his office/workspace whatever that is to ask for advice. He did give him one, in his own way. It was same like Lavi did to Bachi, and Chris did to Nagi, but each of them gave advices that reflected their own personalities.

Also, considering the environment in which he grew, one could expect him to be money hungry you know, yet, he was against of letting Isagi play in the match just because the sponsors wanted, and denied it till he forcefully agreed to let him play in, at least, one match. Even when he was subbing in him, he bluntly said, "It's fan service." This post isn't about Isagi, otherwise I would've mentioned how he proved his worth and THAT'S why Noa continued to let him play.

Further, I don't understand why people forget that in every match, Noa has explained stuffs to Isagi. For example:

Us Readers, take this as a narration about a character, and forget that in the BLLK universe, Isagi is the listener.

I don't think so that just because someone has an experience of doing something for long period of time, it also mean that they are capable of teaching others the same— Noa, I think, is doing his best; he literally, though for like a minute, let go of his striker position and did what was necessary for Isagi to score (chapter 201).

Just because Noa-Isagi interactions are highlighted more, doesn't mean Noa hasn't helped others too— he was watching over Kiyora and Igaguri practice, remember? Isagi is the protagonist after all, it makes sense for him to have the most spotlight.

To be completely honest, in the end, there is no definitive way of comparing all the coaches, it just boils down to what playstyle you have.

That's it, I guess.

Noa seems like someone who takes the meaning in the literal sense, like, someone be like, "He is such a Daddy material!" And he'd reply with a straight face, "I don't plan to have kids any time soon, but I appreciate that you think I'm worthy to be a Father." I just know he is dense.

#blue lock #bllk #noel noa #bastard munchen #lavinho #fc barcha #chris prince #manshine city #marc snuffy #Ubers #julian loki #pxg #雪 ranting

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princess-of-the-corner · 14 days ago

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Sorry, this may get a little salty, but I have a difficult question.

What do you think the single BEST thing about ML is, and what do you think the single WORST thing about it is?

For me, the best thing is the potential. Every single plot thread, lore idea, and character they introduce has a LOT to explore, even if those ideas are really poorly executed a lot of the time (more for us as fanfic readers and writers I guess). Like, even stuff that was added after the show kind of went to shit has potential if you do it right---the senti-plot, su-han and the order, Marinette never being able to trust anyone, etc.

The worst thing is the really weird morality of the story (see, the two 14 year old girls are iredeemable monsters but the fully grown child-abusing domestic terrorist is actually a hero because *checks notes* he has a girlfriend).

I agree that the potential here is one of ML's best qualities! So many good ideas! The general idea of the Hero Team, any combination of identity issues (from the Lovesquare to the "the villain is the Hero's dad and neither knows, to the Mari/Alya-Superman/Lois Lane dynamic, the Mari/Chloé-Spider-Man/Flash Thompson dynamic), the potential in the Kwami and their Lore and the Wish and the mysteries and even the Sentikids(I am a SUCKER for 'Artificial creation wonders if they're Alive™). All the characters and their personalities and story and designs are fun!

The morality is the second worst thing because the worst is just the whole. Changing their mind/poorly retconning things.

Like I do think saying that the abused teenager who literally doesn't know better is worse than the grown ass abusive father supervillain is Fucked™

But the idea of 'Chloé is just a dumb irredeemable brat who can't change' would be easier to stomach if they rolled with that narrative in the first place. Instead of showing that she's a kid who is acting out because of abuse/neglect/following her parents' orders/example, showing how she wants love and acceptance and will choose good when given the chance and cares about her friends and can be self-sacrificing and needed to be beaten down into joining the villains. If we got Season 5-era Chloé from day 1 instead of the version we saw the first three seasons, I'd find the way she's brushed off somewhat easier to stomach. (Still fucked™, but easier to see what they're going for.)

And it's not just the Chloé thing because this also applies to things like the Sentikids plot. If we saw Adrien as his season 5 doormat self who would have a breakdown over his dad being the villain originally instead of a rebellious kid fighting for his freedom and willing to fight his father if he turned out to be a villain, the more baffling stuff would be easier to handle.

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britcision · 2 years ago

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Listen I can’t finish it tonight but I’m real real close but next week is gonna be buuuuuuusy so chapter 15 is right on the line of done and we’ll see if I get it up before next Wednesday 👀

If I do, we may not have a WIP Wednesday next week so again, we shall see

This week, have second place from the poll, Waylon and Danny!

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I’ll Take The Highway part vi

Waylon sat back in his seat, back scraping against the wall of the booth as he surveyed the kid in front of him.

Little squirt was tougher ‘n he looked, that much was definitely true. Harley had given him the short run down on their way to the milkshake bar, all the powers she knew he had.

And that he’d been hunted by his folks for a while. Waylon knew how that kinda shit could mess ya up.

He appreciated the heads up too, cuz this kinda shit coming up outta nowhere? Also pretty damn rough. He’d wondered if the kid just wanted to come along for another fight.

If he just wanted another chance to say he’d looked Killer Croc in the eye.

But there was no real bravado there, not even when he challenged Waylon to a rematch. Shit, the kid treated him more normal than most of his henchmen had ever managed to.

Made sense, knowing he was part a ghost an’ fought ghost rogues, but it left Waylon wondering. Apparently he was getting his answer.

Same damn question he’d asked himself a thousand times, ‘specially around the kind of young vigilantes who’d taken a turn to the bad.

Didn’t mean he had a good answer.

He regarded the kid for a long minute, watching the fidgeting, the sudden shyness from a boy who’d literally tackled him from behind on a whim.

This wasn’t just an idle question. Something made him sure of that, and he’d never been involved in all that much of the really weird shit. You heard stories, especially in Arkham.

So he decided to give the kid the best answer he had.

“Cuz I was the worst version of myself. I let myself be the monster they thought I was, got pretty good at it. But it never made me happy.” He paused, mulling it over.

Chuckled softly and looked down into his half drunk milkshake. It was kinda funny how obvious it seemed, in hindsight.

“Shit, there was never even anythin’ I wanted. Not like Penguin, Freeze, or the others. People treated me like a monster so I tried to be one, cuz why the hell not? Couldn’t be worse, could it?”

His gaze shifted back to Danny’s face, watching the kid’s expression. No judgement, which was nice. But he did look confused.

“So you just… got sick of it?” Danny asked, his brows furrowed as he played with his fingers.

Waylon chuckled and shook his head.

“Kinda. Spent a while thinkin’ if people couldn’t treat me with respect, fear’d do. But it ain’t the same. An’ I never had the drive or creative cruelty to stand out in Gotham.”

Danny looked a little incredulous at that, eyebrows rising, but he caught himself before commenting. Snickered and shook his head.

“Yeah, I guess being in a city that’s used to people like Scarecrow and the Joker puts “big and green” into perspective,” he agreed dryly, and Waylon laughed.

It felt good to laugh.

“Oh yeah. City’s got more than its share of low level thugs anyway. I spent a while as extra muscle for the big boys, but I ain’t the takin’ orders sort,” he explained with a modest shrug.

Danny grinned, folding his arms on the table and leaning forward.

“What, a shy and retiring guy like you?” He asked, clearly teasing, and Waylon waved a hand dismissively.

“I’m lucky it was Gotham,” he added after a moment, reflection sobering his mood. “Got sent t’ Arkham. Met Harley. An’ the Bat’s not all that bad. He tried gettin’ me outta the life a couple times.”

Danny cocked his head, a slight frown returning to his face. Following Waylon’s lead.

“How did Batman try and get you out?” There was a little too much intensity for it to be a casual question, and Waylon noted it. Not that he’d figure it out on his own.

Just tryin’ to make sure he didn’t damage the kid.

“Oh, there were a couple ways. Got me moved down to Florida once. Out in the green, away from people. I figured bein’ a wild animal might be more my speed, but it wasn’t. An’ it got messy when I left. Like that whatever he tried, really. There’s lines you can’t uncross.”

Lines like being a cannibal.

Not that he was sobbin’ on a preacher’s shoulder about it. Most of the people he’d eaten were assholes who’d deserved it, and it’d been a preference not a need.

For all people loved to go on about him eatin’ kids and babies, he’d never actually done it. A guy had to have standards.

Made it easy to stop, once he was in a better head space. He and Harley had talked a lotta old shit out.

Kid didn’t need to know those grisly details though, at least not from his own mouth. Watching Danny a moment longer, Waylon came to a decision.

“Look, kid. There’s a lotta reasons people go bad. Some of ‘em can’t be helped. But if they’re not gettin’ anything out of it, if there’s no goal? The appeal runs out. And sometimes all it takes is someone willin’ to reach down an’ haul yer back up to the light.”

He wouldn’t ask if that was the case with whoever the kid wanted to help. Everyone heard stories, ‘specially about heroes meeting their evil selves.

The fear looked personal, but the asking coulda been for anyone. Waylon was in no rush to judge.

Danny mulled over his words for a while, lips moving soundlessly as he frowned down at the table. This time when he looked up, there was a peace in his eyes.

He’d come to a decision. Good for him.

“Thanks, Waylon. You seem like a pretty great guy to me,” he said simply, and Waylon definitely did not feel a lump in his throat.

“This is after years o’ Harley workin’ on me,” he grumbled gruffly. Shaking his head, he slurped down the last of his milkshake quickly.

Nothing like brain freeze to explain being a little misty eyed.

——————

Tag List: @welcometosasakiworld @kyrianclawraith @someonebored0100 @stealingyourbones @starkcravingmad @frostedthroughghost @akikkobara @rainbowbunny0159 @littlefeather345 @violet-catsarelife @serasvictoria02 @wolfjackle @blacksea21090 @secretdestinywerewolf @anime-hipster-the-amazing @undead-essence @skitscratched @blackroserelina @snoodly-boop @trickerdi @mayoota-blog @xysidhe @idkmrpianoman @little-apricot-the-writer @chaoticmistake @the-legal-shipper @bun-fish @aroranorth-west @demon-cat-goes-woof @perfectwastelandcreation @onyxlightdragon @larks-and-katydids @peachesandcreamfemboy @jesus-camp-the-sequel @may-rbi @mothman-the-mothman87 @viyatrix @stargirl1331 @idfk-man10 @thedepressedrobin @skulld3mort-1fan @rootsmudge @ravenshadow17 @cankoking @phantom-dc @mentalcarebear @magic-pincushion @redamancyardor r @lyra689 @itsparadoxlacuna @alcorbearson @asphyxia778 @why-must-i-be-like-this @tkiesai @greenpyrowolf @frivolous-pastel @honeysuckletook

#dp x dc #wip wednesday #danny fenton dead and loving it #dead on main ship #chapter 15 part vi #danny x jason #but today we talk about waylon #my good good boy

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mask131 · 2 years ago

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Thinking about it, I do believe that the big misunderstandings of the Greek gods on the Internet today (or in media recently) is due to a problem of... let’s say “character VS personification”.

People have grown too much accustomed to the consumption of Greek myths and legends as... not so much “stories” but... as fiction. Which leads them to treat the Greek gods as characters of tales and stories. Which leads people to treat them like... well, like people. Like full humans. Thinking about their actions only in terms of human/social/psychological reasons and consequences. And people forget the very essence and nature of the gods...

The Greek gods are personifications. They are allegories, and their actions always reflect their actual nature as a part of the world or a human phenomenon. It is true that when you read the Greek myths as they reached us today, you will read what seems to be stories about super-humans, because said stories were given to us through epic poems and theater plays. But there was a whole theology and religious thinking behind those myths (to the point some of the ancient litetature of the Greeks was criticized by religious authorities for deviating from their actual beliefs) ; and there was an entire philosophy surrounding those myths. Literal philosophy - with Ancient Greek philosophers not only re-reading and interpreting the myths in the lights of their teaching, but also inventing their own “philosophical myths”. The Greeks had time to read and rewrite and discuss their own myths and stories for centuries and centuries - and thus these stories ended up with numerous layers of meaning and interpretations woven through them.

Which is why to fully understand a myth, one must look behind the simple story. A god in the story is never just a character, but always something else. Poseidon is a grudge-holding, monster-birthing deity prone to mood swings which place him alternatively as an ally or an antagonist - but it isn’t just because “he is like that”. He is like that BECAUSE he is the god of the sea, and the Greeks, as sailors and explorers and island-dwellers, knew very well that the sea was a changing and treacherous thing, the sailor’s best friend and worst enemy at the same time. The fact that Apollo is at the same time the god of truth, the god of beauty and the god of art isn’t just because it’s his hobbies - it is because for the Greek all these concepts were inter-connected, art being beauty, the truth being beautiful, the best art being the truthful art, etc... And as a result myths are always about something else than their own story. The most famous case being Persephone’s abduction. People keep treating it as just being a love story - forgetting that, beyond the story of a guy in love with a girl and a mother worried for her missing girl, it is actually also a fable for the brutality anf unfairness of death striking young people, and how a mother can deal with her grief. It is literaly the story of “Kore” (which isn’t a proper name, but just means “maiden” or “young girl”), being ravished by Hades (whose name is ALSO the name of the Underworld), of a young girl plunged from the world of the living to the world of the dead, and a distressed mother crying for her disappeared daughter...

I can list on and on the examples, but I think you get my point. Yes, it is nice to know the story. It is better to try to understand them. The topic came when I read something about Zeus recently... It talked about the gods embodying “order” - and it listed Zeus, for after all he was the ruler of the cosmos, punisher of wicked ones and fighter of monsters, the god of justice overseeing all oaths and the basic principles of Greek society... But this text added that however, his behavior character wise was “much more chaotic”. Notably pointing out towards Zeus’ wild behavior around females of all kinds. It is true that a serial cheater with a HUGE number of lovers of all kinds, and lots of “bastard children” everywhere seems to contradict his role as a god maintaining order and morals... But again, the key is looking beyond that. Yes, Zeus is massively unfaithful on his wife and seemingly can’t keep his thunderbolt in his pants - if you pardon me the expression. But the question that nobody asks is... Why is he like that? Why does he do that? Just because he is a horny guy? That’s the superficial explanation, that’s the joke explanation. That’s not what the Ancien Greeks would have answered you. This precise topic is one I like to reuse frequently because it illustrates perfectly something that feels natural to those that read about Greek mythology from experts, and yet can seem like a sudden mindblow for those that only know Greeks myths from popular fiction.

I do not recall where exactly I read this explanation - but I am certain it was in one of the books about Greek myths written by famous French experts, so it was probably from Jean-Pierre Vernant or Pierre Grimal, or someone of those waters. Why is Zeus such a horny dog? We have to think about his titles. “Father of Men and Father of Gods”. It isn’t just a nickname or a title, it describes what he does: he birthed most of the major Greek gods, and he birthed many ancestors of humanity. It also makes you think: what was Zeus’ first action when he became king of the cosmos, when he took over the world after fighting the Titans? He married, several times, and had numerous lovers, with which he birthed some very important gods. Through sex he actually created important elements needed for the world. Not counting the other Olympian gods, he gave birth at the beginning of his reign to the Arts (Muses), the Seasons (Horae) and Fate itself (the Moirai), basis for the civilized world and an ordered, stable cosmos. And who are the other children of Zeus, all those “bastards” children he got out of being unfaithful? Heroes. Heroes who build principles of civilization, heroes who destroyed monsters, heroes who threw down criminals and tyrants. Good things. That’s the thing with Zeus: he constantly lusts after women, yes, and he constantly has sex, yes... but most of the time, if not always, it is to create something good. He keeps procreating beings, things and people needed for the universe to form itself, for civilization to form itself, for the world to get better and evil/chaos to be defeated. Herakles and Athena and Perseus... Even through his unfaithfulness, Zeus keeps creating new agents and champions of order, law and justice.

It is in fact quite interesting to look at Tumblr here, because on Tumblr there are favorite deities who are depicted right because people love them enough to go dig into their symbolism and their religious festivals and their philosophical meaning. Dionysos is the one that comes to mind. And then other deities whose deeper meaning gets thrown out of the window.

A good counterpart to Greek mythology, in the approach of “character vs personification”, is Norse mythology. Because the Norse gods, as depicted and represented in mythological texts such as the Eddas, are actually “characters before the personifications”, the reverse of Greek gods which are “personifications which were given character”. I am not saying that the Norse gods aren’t personifications, that would be a stupid claim. But what I am saying is... Often people try to enter Norse mythology asking “So, this god, what is he the god OF?” because they assume Norse gods are like Greek gods, defined by their field of action and what they represent or rule over. When in truth, the Norse gods are defined by who they are, not so much by what they are. Odin is the one-eyed wanderer, and the eight-legged horse-rider king of the Aesir, and the cunning rune-master ruling over Valhalla. Thor is the very strong god, and the hammer-wielding jötunn killer riding on a goat-chariot, and the red-haired hero of Asgard who fears nothing and fished Jormungandr out of the sea once. Everybody knows today that Thor is the god of thunder and lightning - but it isn’t said, or explicitely spelled out in most of the Old Norse texts. It is not like Zeus who is explicitely said to use thunderbolts on his ennemies - Thor’s hammer doesn’t have lightning shooting out of it. To get this, to get what a Norse god is the “god of”, there is a work of research that needs to be done. For a Greek god it can be obvious due to their attributes and names (Hestia for example - her name literaly means “hearth” and she started out as the hearth being venerated, before being personified). For a Norse god, to get the “what” of the deity, you will need to look at the archeological remains of the religion and cult of Norsemen, you will need to theorize based on the etymology of the deity’s name and its relationships, you will need to collect the kennings and local expressions and other folk-sayings and interpret them. It is a para-characterization that isn’t obvious, or sometimes doesn’t even appear, in the Norse texts per se. Because in the Norse legends as they came to us, the gods are mostly defined as characters - by their function (guardian, warrior, king), by what they do (power to see far-away, power to know the future), by what they look like (missing one hand, or golden hair)... For exampe, for a very long time it was thought that Loki was the god of fire. It was a strong, popular and famous interpretation - but research and experts have proven that it is a late re-interpretation of the deity, who originally probably didn’t had anything to do with fire and was just mixed up with other fire-figures (like Logi) with time, the same way Loki was mixed with Utgard-Loki as a “master of illusions”.

This phenomenon of inversion can be summed up quite easily. In Greek mythology, we have TONS of secondary and tertiary deities who are basically personifications without any kind of legend or myth to them, uncharacterized allegories that sometimes are just a name appearing in a list of concept. In Norse mythology, you have tons of secondary and tertiary deities without myths or legends, who are just names in a list - but this time, we have their names, we have a basic characterization, we know who they are, and the problem is that we don’t know what they are supposed to represent. You have tons of small Norse gods about whom people keep asking and searching “What did they embody? What did they personify?”. The character without the personification.

#greek mythology #norse mythology #greek gods #norse gods #poseidon #zeus #persephone #thor #loki #dionysos

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cto10121 · 11 months ago

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Finally bought a copy of Midnight Sun!!! Or as I like to call it, Twilight’s subtext as actual text because people suck at reading comprehension. Honestly, with every reread the book gets better and better. And of course, I have des notes (Part 1, since this tome is long):

I love how Edward is so obviously interested in her even before he smells her scent. That ~strange urge to step between her and Jessica’s vicious thoughts…buddy

Also love me some Arrogant!Edward, especially at the beginning—the Mr. Darcy vibes truly are impeccable, and it makes total sense for this narrative. The stupid clowns and anti fans hate it, but it is absolutely essential to his character arc towards humility/self-acceptance. It’s called character development, bitch

Edward: “She is an ordinary human girl, nothing special, she isn’t even pretty” Also Edward literally the second time he sees her: “She has oddly deep brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate, but with the clarity of strong tea, with flecks of caramel and agate green and now she is tossing her luscious mahogany hair at me and now her delicious scent is wafting like delicate perfume—” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Clowns: “Edward doesn’t like Bella for herself, he just likes her scent!!!1!” Edward: *absolutely REFUSES to go into detail about her scent, just its effect on him* Yeah. Strange, but revealing. In Twilight he does say it’s like freesia, and Laurent says it’s “floral, somehow.” The metaphor for sexual desire and even predation is there, suggested by Edward’s obvious romantic interest, but narrative-wise Meyer firmly separates the two and even has Edward conquer his own selfish instincts in order to be together with Bella. In that framing, Bella’s scent becomes another obstacle to overcome to reach true romance, and that fact alone makes Twilight better than 90% of romances lol

I don’t think I mentioned this before, but Meyer’s Spanish is surprisingly legit so far. I’ve literally read worse Spanish by Chicano and Latino writers, without accent marks and everything. Although I must say, they always have these Spanish high school teachers insist on having the whole class speak Spanish. It’s such a cliché, but a charming one, I guess

Edward hearing about Emmett’s cantante encounter and thinking, “Yeah, no, this is worse” is such an unintended flex, imo. Homeboy really was dealing with the worst vampire thirst ever and he actually succeeded in overcoming that enough to dick her down. Kudos

Edward thinking about Bella on her wedding day to some stranger and feeling pained—boy, it’s been three days!!!!! Birds of a feather flocking together

“A word I’d never said before in the presence of a lady—” This is the line that made the antis go crazy????? That a vampire from 1901 and frozen in that state would speak and act like he was from 1901????? Antis are so damn stupid

“I liked that I’d finally guessed right. That I was beginning to understand her.” Honestly? So far Edward has been very good at reading her body language and her feelings, almost from the get-go. Some specifics and quirks elude him, and he almost completely misses her attraction to him, but almost everything Bella is feeling from Twilight he also picks up on. So the Team Jacob fans that insist that Jacob is better because he is a better reader of Bella may not have that much of an argument after all

“Like a stalker. An obsessed stalker. Like an obsessed vampire stalker.” And like Bella, Edward is iconically hilarious in the best way possible. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aaaaaand Alice has her Vampire!Bella vision and everyone is 😮 at Edward falling for Bella. Still wish that Edward would be in denial of his obvious feelings for a while longer, since it’s so much fun

Not antis complaining about how Midnight Sun’s added scenes on Bella’s selflessness and her friends being awful were ~retcons by Meyer…bitch, in Twilight it was clear as day her friends were fake. Normal, but fake. Angela excepted. And Bella’s kindness/self-abnegation was more than established, although there it was focused mostly on Bella’s shielding Angela from Jessica’s prying and setting up Mike/Jessica.

“Obviously the meteorite was just a metaphor for all the unlikely things that could go wrong.” Obviously, but your antis have never been the sharpest tools in the shed in terms of reading comprehension, Edward, so don’t even bother—oh, you meant yourself. Meyer definitely is doing some meta here.

“Edward…Stay.” God, I do want to see this scene dramatized in the TV show in an Edward POV flashback episode. Imagine Edward wrestling silently with his self-loathing, about to leave her room and possibly Bella for good, and then Bella speaks his name. He whirls around, shocked, and the way it’s framed the viewer almost believes she has woken up, but Bella is obviously sleeping. And telling him to stay. And Edward being all 😮 🥺 💗Beautiful…except the TV show would absolutely ruin it somehow

Edward not realizing that Bella is (obviously) turned on by him is just perfection. He is as oblivious to his own beauty as Bella is to hers and it makes for a great parallel. Only difference is he does contemplate whether Bella is attracted to him a little

“Staring at her mouth made me feel strange.” I swear, Edward is so much more naïve than Bella about anything romance. Homegirl owned her crush and acquitted herself very well all things considered. Meanwhile Edward is emotionally flailing like an angsty Kermit every single page, doing a “I wonder why?” every few seconds

“Sometimes, when he stares at me, I’d swear he’s thinking of killing me. Freak. Mike wasn’t entirely unperceptive.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

“She wore a deep blue blouse today” It has begun

“Bella winked?” Yes, Edward, and so did you, you fucking V tease. Both of you wink at people because you two are birds of a feather, flocking together. Two dorks, both alike in love clownery

Edward 🤝 Juliet —> “Soft perfection” & “Dear perfection” Don’t think I didn’t notice, Meyer!!!

The flirtatious waitress!!! Am enjoying her so much more this time around. Usually I like Bella’s Port Angeles chapter than Edward’s, but this shit reads great in both POVs

“Aside from my worries about her sanity, I began to feel a swelling of hope” 10/10 sentence, no notes

“She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.”🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 “I could not dream of her. She should not dream of me.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edward empathizing with Angela and wanting to pair her up with Ben (and succeeding!) warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart. It’s so great that his 100-year-old cold haughty shell is finally melting and giving way to the 17-year-old simp he is

“Running a house is time-consuming, and I usually had a part-time job, too, not to mention school—” Fuck anyone who hates Bella because she is ~boring, fuck them to hell and back. Homegirl was run so ragged she didn’t have time for herself, much less date. It’s a wonder she had hobbies to begin with (Edit: Aaaaaand the reason Bella hates birthdays is because her mother was shitty at giving her what she wanted and she had to pretend to like them. The fuck)

But on that note, I’m really loving all of Bella’s answers to Edward’s questions, almost easily the best part of the book, and canon-compliant with Twilight. Bella herself comes out as much more winsome, bright, and quirky through Edward’s perspective, traits that were less emphasized in her POV for obvious reasons. Even the stupid antis acknowledge that

Clown Antis: “Edward ~forced her to leave everything she wanted!1!1!!1” Literally Edward: “I realized how important it was for me to know her plans for the future. So I didn’t derail them. So I could shape this unlikely future into the best version to suit her.”

Bella being initially alarmed at Edward in the sun is possibly a retcon. In Twilight she did say the sight was “shocking,” but I thought it was mostly in a romantic way. But it does make sense lore-wise that she would think of him on fire at first. This is Edward’s POV, so he could just be assuming that is Bella’s alarm. Still, I wonder why Bella would skip over the extended “You aren’t repulsed by my flagrant lack of humanity?” exchange. I guess she took it for granted she wasn’t afraid????

Edward counting insects in the meadow etc. is just so…not really hilarious in context. The parodies made it seem like he was some neurodivergent nerd. In actual context he was just trying to distract himself from Bella’s scent.

“Better to see myself as the whole, bad and good, and work with the reality of it.” So mature and much better than anything else in this genre. Edward is growing and learning

“Regardless, I have better reflexes.” You’re (still) a whore, Edward. Nice to know that hasn’t changed.

#twilight #twilight renaissance #cristina reads #midnight sun #edward is so juliet capulet-coded #when you know you know #play a drinking game every time edward mentions her blue blouse #the antis trying desperately to say this book was bad is laughable #otoh the people who say it is better than twilight are also clowns too #i think both are necessary and have their own power #both have similar arcs of finding and accepting love for themselves as well as each other #overcoming their self-esteem issues #bella finds the love and acceptance she needed and edward learns humility

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saradrewitt · 2 years ago

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SARAH JACKALOPE I DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP WITH LEARNING HOW TO DRAW A TERZO EMERITUS PLEASE GET BACK TO ME

Hi! I’m so sorry this took a bit to answer!

FULL DISCLOSURE I am literally the worst person to ask because the way I do it always changes but I appreciate your trust in my inconstancy! I also have a hard time drawing him or the other papas for that matter without a reference. I can try to help the best way I can. here we go, I really hope this helps!

So the number don represent the order but just what I'll explain. First always consider the shape of the face I know this is just the sketch but we always start somewhere.

(1) Take a look at the basic jaw structure my style always make it longer than it should be but in this case I'm taking in the fact that while I made this tutorial I was looking at a photo reference. (2) Then the ears. (3) The basic middle line mark. (4) Two lines are of course for the eyes and you must realize that our eye level matches the tip of the ears show in the picture for remember that. (5) What I personally do when I draw noses it just help with a realistic measurement of the brows and the nose size. if we’re looking at this through a stylized realism way, remember that the distance between the eyes is matched by the size of the nose. this is not the case for some people but look at refs of people’s noses and see that the size of the eyes is the same size of the nose.(6) The first initial circle is the base, but remember that that won’t be the size of a head. so expand it a little bit so there is extra room to get that hairline and detail when we get to that part (I ended up not paying attention and ngl Terzo ended up with a big ass head but shhhhh I warned you)....

I went ahead and did some detail work but this is what we’ll be seeing when I draw them. from pictures you can see the age lines and it’s really just a matter if you want the detail or not, done people can do that with little detail and make it look good but my style is in constant crises all the time so this is how I do it. you can also why I have the base sketch on top of my “lineart”.

So Terzo’s hair specifically is weird in my opinion. I normally have a part I go off from when I draw hair but his just has to be weird. Either way, when I draw his I go down from the middle and just make it both have that volume and fluff he normally has. (Agin in the end result I polished it up so his part is that square like formation seen in pictures).

Okay now the fun part, the papal makeup! The deep pink lines are the base sketch I usually draw up so when I color and shade it can be adjusted if needed. It also helps me know that proportions are somewhat realistic but with a small hint of my style as well. Idk I'm still in a style crisis as we speak and it’s gotten a lot worse since I've joined this fandom.

When I think everything looks good I work with the black and color it. I normally like using our black when I work with lineart to give it that ink look. I called this blunt lineart (and shading cuz like I said my style is very inconsistent). Now if you’re working digitally I do this type of coloring on a layer on top of this sketch so when I low the opacity I can see if my placement is correct (again just of needed). if I think I got most of it correct that’s where I go I with my next step.

Wow, it’s looking like Terzo now, look at our sweet boy with the rbf, Blessimo!

So in these next few steps I just add the white and added purple wrinkle likes that were cover by the blunt lineart. You can make those line grey or white depending on your style but I like adding his colors when I draw him digitally so that’s an option. Once I have everything done I just against as needed then move on.

Lastly I finish up the lineart, work on some shadow work and add color, for sketched I don’t really do that but in this case I placed a color pallet I usually work with (it’s still gonna be inconsistent as I go) but this is usually what I do when I draw him. honestly to god my methods and process changes but I at least hope this was a helpful guide.

#ghost band #ghost #ghost ghouls #papa terzo #papa iii #papa emeritus iii #answered asks #sara jackalope’s art #sara drewitt’s art

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888bambi · 2 years ago

Text

MY LIVER WILL HANDLE WHAT MY HEART CAN'T - LEE HEESEUNG

✰ a/n: alcohol might give you a headache but it also gives you the best time of your life hehe- anyways be careful when drinking. also, friendly advice, if you go clubbing, GLUE yourself to your friends.

TW for sexual assault/mentions of sexual assault!!!

!heeseung x reader; university au, mentions of hee being a basketball player, reader goes through a lot (mentions of other enha members + le sserafim's chaewon, yunjin and kazuha, aespa's giselle)

genre: fluff, angst/ it's kinda suggestive

warnings: alcohol consumption, and i mean a lot of alcohol, substance abuse, sexual assault kinda? reader gets vary of men after that one encounter, ptsd i guess? let me know if i left anything (lowercase intended) & not proofread (i'll look for any errors when i have time, i am really sorry if there are a lot)

word count: 6424

✰13.03.2023

‘’c’mon chaewon, come with us!’’ four young women together was definitely a lot. when you got into college with your cousin kazuha, you somehow ended sharing an apartment with yunjin, her classmate, and later chaewon joined too, even though she went to a different college. it was like you all were sisters: gossiping again and again, sharing clothes and skin care products, helping each other with work- but the best part came every time your group would go clubbing, on friday.

‘’last time we went clubbing together, kazuha almost stole the bartender’s job, yunjin started screaming and crying, making it seem like i was trying to kidnap her or something, and you vanished. literally. i went to get kazuha and you were nowhere to be seen. worst part, i wasn't even sober myself.’’ chaewon stated, pointing at the three of you, and if eyes could kill, you, yunjin and zuha would all be dead right now.

‘’but that's what makes a night out fun.’’ kazuha said, almost begging her older friend to agree.

‘’kazuha, do i need to remind you about that time when you started talking about politics with a decorative plant?’’ she added, both you and yunjin laughing heavily as kazuha desperately tried to defend herself.

‘’don’t act like you’re the saint.’’ you quickly added, a mischievous grin spreading on your lips, ‘’you make out with everyone in sight when there's even a small drop of alcohol in your system.’’

silence fell over the room as chaewon couldn't seem to find a worthy comeback; somehow, the three of you convinced the oldest girl, and now you were all getting ready.

the dorm was a mess, clothes and makeup products everywhere, music playing from yunjin’s laptop to put you all in the right mood.

two hours and three identity crises later, your group finally left the dorm, headed to the parking lot, where you decided you'd just order a cab to get to the club, since you were all planning to drink later tonight.

as soon as you arrived, you already split up; chaewon met some ‘old friend’ and it was clear she had other plans for the rest of the night, kazuha saw her ballet girls, which was definitely an unexpected crossover, leaving you with yunjin, both you and her heading straight to the bar.

''tequila for the hot girlies.’’ the bartender said, sending you both a wink as he carefully poured you two shots, handing you salt and a slice of lemon, making it easier for you to drink.

one shot turned into two, then three, and now, somehow, you were taking your eighth shot, still going strong; yunjin was now chatting with some guy, and by the way he talked you could tell he was american as well, leaving you all alone at the bar, drinking more and more on your own.

you didn't specifically have any plans for tonight, you just wanted to get wasted. not too long ago, you broke up with your boyfriend of two years, simply because the two of you couldn't handle the distance: going to different colleges in different countries, staying together would have been ‘a waste of time’, according to him. if you had to be honest, his words cut you deep like a knife. did he see the whole thing as a waste of time? nevertheless, you decided that your liver will handle what your heart couldn't, so you were stuck in a club, on your own, taking shot after shot until you’ll eventually go numb.

it wasn't even midnight and you were desperately trying to leave this place; making your way through the dance floor, bodies were moving around you like you were stuck in a freak show; perhaps it was the alcohol that made your anxiety skyrocket, or the fact that you realized you were completely separated from your group, and every face was either blurry or unfamiliar. having this eerie feeling overcoming you, you had to get some fresh air quickly. barely walking straight, it took you all your strength to balance yourself between the dancing people, and get out of the crowd in one piece.

looking around for your friends for one last time, you decided that it was time to go back home, even if the night was still young. you weren't like this, and definitely this feeling wasn't what you wanted. for some reason, the alcohol tonight made you feel confused, stressed and anxious. normally it would make you talkative, energetic and horny. but tonight it didn't happen.

being self conscious of the fact that you’re in such a miserable state, and worse, on your own, you quickly made your way towards the empty hallway, which led to the exit of the club.

the blue lights in the hallway gave you a headache, desperately making you try to adapt your vision to the new lighting and get out of here faster. with every second spent there, your heart rate was only getting faster, making you feel nauseous.

this was a completely new feeling, and it made you wonder if the bartender slipped something in your drinks. given the deplorable state you were in, of course you would never notice if someone messed with your drink. you swear you felt your body rotting with every step you took, feeling the veins in your body, each and every single one of them, the sensation making you want to rip out all your flesh.

‘this never happened before’; you kept telling yourself to stay strong until you made it out; but no matter how many steps you took, it felt like time froze and you were walking in the same spot, again and again.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ your stomach flipped upside down when you heard a voice echoing from behind you, making you stop in your tracks as you tried your best to appear as intimidating and as sober as you could.

the person quickly walked in front of you, leaning down to take a better look at your face in the faint lightning. ‘’what a pretty doll.’’ he happily said, a wide grin spreading on his lips. the man was much older than you, and by the way he looked, he was definitely the highest in the room at the moment.

roughly pinning you to the wall, his action caught you off guard, a gasp leaving your lips as you clenched your teeth during the impact. ‘’i’ve never seen a prettier thing in my entire life.’’ leaning in closer, you felt his hot breath on your face, doing your best to contain yourself. ‘’seems like my prayers were heard. i’m having fun tonight.’’ and with no warning, his dry lips were smashed on yours, pinning you on the wall with his large hands, pushing down on your hips, his knee in between your legs, making sure you couldn't escape.

a tear rolled down your cheek, and that didn't go unnoticed, as he was quick to pull away and lick your salty tears, your body getting overfilled with disgust and fear right away.

you needed an escape, and you needed it now. or else, who knows what might happen, even worse than his disgusting touches. when he kissed you again, a dumb idea crossed your mind; without giving it a second thought, you bit down on his tongue as hard as you could, causing him to yank away suddenly, his eyes widening in shock as he looked back at you.

turning on your heels, you started heading towards the exit in a rush, only to be pulled back by the man, roughly gripping your hair; you forgot you couldn't walk that fast, huh?

‘’fucking bitch!’’ lifting his hand, you shut your eyes in fear, ready to take his hit. you were never hit in your entire life, not even by your parents. right now, you have no idea whether he’ll be satisfied with only a slap, or beat you until you're lying unconscious on the cold floor.

waiting and waiting, you realized his hit never came. no, he was actually silent as well. as you slowly opened your eyes, you saw a tall figure towering over the man, squeezing his wrist tight enough to cause him more pain than you already did. ‘’what the fuck?! who are you?!’’ he yelled, massaging his wrist as he managed to pull away from the tall figure.

‘'doesn't matter.’’ the guy nonchalantly said, putting his hands in his pockets, his back facing you. ‘’you should get lost while i’m still a chill man.’’ he spoke, his voice filled with nothing but nonchalance, speaking in a robotic kind of way.

‘’and who are you to send me away? her man?’’ he snapped back, still keeping his distance.

‘’that doesn't concern you.’’ again, another calm reply, making you wonder if he would still be this collected if he saw what happened earlier in the hallway.

‘’i see, i see.’’ the drunk man laughed, a mischievous grin spreading on his lips as he checked you out once again, ‘’does the bitch bite when she gives head too-’’ he stopped talking when the mystery man dashed towards him, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him up against the wall. oh, how the tables have turned.

‘’what didn't you understand from ‘get lost’, huh?’’ if he was calm earlier, he was definitely terrifying now, and the whole vibe he had changed in a split second. without saying anything anymore, the drunk man quickly apologized, making his way back into the crowd without looking back again.

while his back was still facing you, you quickly wiped away your tears; you didn't even realize you were crying this whole time.

your heart dropped to your knees when you saw who was the one that saved you; lee heeseung. he went to the same college and you saw him in the hallways, but you knew him because of how popular he was as the captain of the basketball team. he had a reputation for his bad temper, so his calm demeanor earlier surely shocked you. ‘’thank you.’’ you whispered, avoiding his eyes.

''don't mention it.’’ he shortly replied, leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, ‘’was he bothering you for a long time?’’

‘’no-’’ you lied, trying to seem as convincing as you could, ‘’he just came. asked me to leave with him, said no… the typical stuff.’’ you tried to laugh it off, hoping that it was convincing enough for the doe-eyed man, but taking a second look at his face, it was clear he wasn't listening to your bullshit. ‘’anyways, thanks again, have a great night!’’

turning on your feet, this time, you were determined to get away. using all your strength, you managed to run towards the exit without stumbling; you heard heeseung calling after you, but you decided to ignore it for the moment; it was time you went home and calmed yourself down a bit.

the ride back home was silent. luckily enough, the cab driver was an old man, and he was sweet to give you water once he realized you were sick- perhaps he did that so that you won't throw up in his car. anyway, you got back to the dorm on your own, safe and sound.

yunjin, kazuha and chaewon weren't home yet; looking at the clock, it was only two in the morning, so being the party monsters they are, there’s no chance they’ll be home before the sunrise. once you found yourself in the comfort of your house, you quickly took off your clothes, and headed for the shower.

once the cold water hit you, your skin was burning in all the places where that creep touched you. the sad part, this wasn't the first time someone did this to you. no, you had it worse than this, and you were only ten when it first happened.

someone said that trauma never really goes away. that person was right. you might think it goes away, but then something triggers it and bang- memories come back again. memories? was it right to call it a ‘memory’? aren't memories supposed to be pleasant?

that cold shower made you sober real quick, but you knew you'd have a monstrous headache in the morning. hiding yourself under your cozy blankets, all you saw was that grin, every time you close your eyes.

his disgusting scent remained in your nostrils, no matter how hard you washed your face; his devilish grin was imprinted on your retina, and you wanted to wash yourself again, this time with bleach, to make sure you took off his print from your skin.

you didn't sleep that night, and you knew this was simply the beginning of something much worse.

by the time the girls got back, you were awake, watching TV in the living room. you heard them laugh and talk about their night in the club; you couldn't call them ‘bad friends’ since they tried to find you- no, they called you a few times last night. at least they tried to find you.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ yunjin jokingly said as she entered the living room, her way of wording her sentence sending a shiver down your spine.

was your mind fucking with your right now? was it simply a coincidence?

‘’are you okay sweetie?’’ yunjin asked, gently brushing your hair, ‘’you’re quite pale. do you want some water?’’ her worry was evident in her voice, the other two girls turning their attention to you as well.

‘’no, i’m fine! i just couldn't sleep really well since i didn't know where you guys were.’’ a faint smile appeared on your lips, and apparently, that was enough to ease yunjin.

‘’we tried to find you everywhere,’’ chaewon added, jumping on the couch, a loud sigh leaving her lips, ‘’it was like you fell into a rabbit hole or something. you were nowhere to be found.’’

once all four of you were gathered in the living room, they started talking about their night. chaewon hooked up with that old friend of hers, and he apparently asked her out for dinner today, which was cute. kazuha had fun with her ballerina friends, going to three different clubs before coming back home, and yunjin had some fun with jake, another guy from your college, but surprisingly, nothing too wild, which was new for her.

‘’how was your night? of course, other than that you basically vanished again.’’ chaewon asked, their attention turning to you.

you debated for a split second if telling them was worth it; sure, they were your friends, but was it okay to burden them with something so… trivial? what would they say? all he did was kiss you. was it that big of a deal or were you being dramatic.

would they think you are a whore for kissing that man?

they wouldn't, they are your friends- but wouldn't them?

‘’i drank too much and i threw up a bit. i panicked because i couldn't find you so i went home earlier to calm myself down.’’ you felt bad for lying to them, and you felt even worse when you saw how easy they believed you.

maybe it would've been easier if you simply told them.

it’s been a week after that night and you barely slept. not to mention, you barely attended your classes. everything seemed to go downhill. you were falling behind in class, missing a lot of assignments, and simply isolating yourself slowly from everyone and everything.

you told the girls that you weren't feeling that well, saying that ‘you got a cold or something’. but you can't have a cold forever, and you needed to get your life together.

putting on the first hoodie you found in your room, you dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and left for the starbucks near the corner; you had many problems at the moment, and a vanilla latte wouldn't solve them; but you were still going to get it.

if you saw yourself in the mirror, you would probably cry; were you weak for letting something like this tear you apart? should you tell someone? was it bad that you didn't tell anyone?

pushing the door open to the starbucks, you were happy to see it wasn't as crowded as it usually was; ordering your drink, you patiently waited for it, trying to plan what to do once you get back to the dorm.

''can't believe i run into you here.’’ turning your head in the direction of the voice, your eyes widened when you saw heeseung, now beside you, figuring out that he must be waiting for his drink as well, ''haven't seen you in class all week.’’

‘’we share the same class?’’ you wanted to slap yourself for how dumb you sounded right now; this wasn't like you. for some reason, you couldn't help but wonder if he saw that man touching you before he stepped in. did he actually see? no- if he did he would've stepped in earlier. right?

looking straight into your eyes, he looked slightly amused as he answered your question, ‘’finance?’’

if you were honest, after this week, you even forgot finance was one of your classes, and also forgot he was in that class too. truth be told, you had no idea why the two of you were talking. you never talked before. was he checking up on you after what happened? was he pitying you?

‘’yeah, finance. i remember.’’ you responded, trying to sound as confident as you could.

‘’wow.’’ heeseung added, making you turn your head in his direction again, ‘’never knew you could be so fake.’’ a little smile appeared on your lips, feeling comfortable talking with him. he had quite a reputation for being the best basketball player on campus- and a player in general, although he was rarely seen with girls. actually, he was rejecting girls quite a lot, and he managed to do so even when he was extremely drunk; he was also known for that.

‘’my bad. if you think that’s fake, you should see yunjin.’’ you replied, grabbing your drink, getting ready to leave after you thanked the barista.

‘’i’d rather see you than yunjin.’’ heeseung was quick to reply, not even trying to hide what he just said.

‘’excuse me?’’ you asked visibly confused, stopping in your tracks.

‘’see you on monday, hopefully.’’

somehow, you pulled yourself to got to school on monday, even if you slept seven hours in total during the past days. you kept telling yourself you weren't going there because of heeseung, but the fact that he wanted to see you in class made you feel better after all those days.

perhaps he saw through your little facade- but was he really able to see right through you when even your friends couldn't?

it didn't matter now, you were already seated in class, laptop on the table, ready for the lecture.

you looked around a few times, hoping you would see heeseung, but he was nowhere in sight. turning your attention back on the lecture, you barely paid attention, getting sleepy all of a sudden. at least now you knew that if you wanted to sleep, coming to professor han’s lecture was the answer.

going to your last class for the day, you spotted heeseung walking on the other side of the campus, headphones on as he was wearing his basketball jersey. although he seemed to be in a rush, you really wanted to talk with him, even for a moment.

making your way towards him, you tapped him on his broad shoulders, his expression when he turned around sending a shiver down your spine. as he removed his headphones, his face softened, surprised at the fact that you approached him. ‘’i didn't see you in class.’’

‘’i had practice. finance wasn't that important to me anyways.’’ he replied, switching his backpack from arm to his shoulder, ‘’what a pleasant surprise you finally decided to show up though.’’

rolling your eyes, he laughed at your little action, ‘’putting basketball over finance when finance is mandatory and basketball isn't. not a smart move.’’

laughing at your sentence, he shifted his gaze from your face to your bag. ‘’how many books you got in there?’’ he asked, pointing towards your bag.

‘’none actually. just a notebook and my laptop.’’ you replied, quite confused by his question.

‘’how cool, me too.’’ and so, he took the bag from your hand without any warning, placing it on his other shoulder, ‘’i had to balance my shoulders somehow. now i carry equal weight on both. anyways, where were you headed?’’

‘’i have a seminary. the last one for the day actually.’’

‘’wanna go to starbucks instead? you look like you could really have some coffee right now.’’ he stated, making you self conscious of your dark circles, reminding you of your troubled sleeping schedule.

going with him to the starbucks was definitely better than going to that boring seminary. although you and heeseung barely knew each other, you learnt a lot about him today: he plays a lot of video games, and he likes toy story, as funny as it might sound. he plays basketball at home with his father and older brother, he loves ramen and sleeps a lot. actually, you found out the two of you had a lot in common, even if the two of you led two very different lifestyles: while you were focused on your grades, or at least, this is how you were until that thing shattered you apart, he was more laid back, going with the flow rather than trying to break it.

‘’i know it might be kind of sudden but there’s a party at jake’s frat,’’ heeseung said, instantly making your heart drop when you heard the word party. ‘’i was wondering if you'd like to come around? you can get your friends as well- i mean, jake definitely told yunjin about it. but it’d be nice if you came too.’’

trying to regain your composure, you forced your confidence as much as you could, ‘’why is that?’’ you asked, playing with the straw of your drink.

‘’i genuinely enjoyed your presence. it’s been quite long since i felt so nice around someone who isn't from my friend group. plus, i am not that smart but i can tell you're not feeling your best right now.’’ heeseung was nice, contrary to what others might say. he was, actually, too nice. it was a party held by a frat. you knew some members of this frat. there’s no way there would be freaks like that one in the club, right? even so, how could you deny heeseung when he was giving you those beautiful doe eyes?

‘’i don't really know…’’ you said, tilting your head to the side. if you were going you might as well make him stay with you, in order to avoid another incident like that happening, ‘’when me and my friends drink, we don't really stick together…everyone goes off on their own as if we are doing side quests or something.’’

‘’i’ll stay with you.’’ he quickly said, a chuckle escaping your lips, ‘’i’ll do side quests as well, if that’s what you want. i promise.’’

you don't understand how it was so easy for him to get you to come here; the girls were overly excited once they heard you decided to come as well, and once you told them heeseung was the one who got you to come, they went mad. while chaewon kept asking you about how the two of you started talking, kazuha and yunjin were helping you pick an outfit. were you trying too hard?

the outfit you picked was simple; a long black tube top with a low waisted pair of flare denim jeans, hugging your hips perfectly; everything else was natural, minimal makeup and neat hair. as soon as you stepped inside, you already saw drunk people making out in front of everyone, some even passed out on the floor, broken glasses and so on.

this frat was known for their wild parties, straight out of project x. but they were always fun, and for some reason, no matter how wild they got, the police never got involved.

‘’i’ll go find jake, will you be fine on your own?’’ yunjin asked you, gently brushing your arm. for some reason, which you didn't understand, kazuha and chaewon were coming later, so for the moment, it was just you and her.

‘’yeah, no worries. i’ll go find heeseung.’’ you assured her, feeling her happiness flying through the roof when she heard your response.

being left all alone in the heart of the party, you had a strong feeling of deja vu; how ironic. making your way to the kitchen, you found sunghoon, who was more than pleased to pour you a shot. sunghoon was extremely awkward when he was sober, but after he drank a little, he became friendlier. after letting you know that you can drink as much as you want, he quickly made his way towards his friends, who were playing beer pong at the moment. looking around, you couldn't spot heeseung anywhere. how foolish of you to actually think he would stay with you, someone he barely knew, at a party where he could even get laid if he wanted, considering the amount of hot girls you saw around.

at least the alcohol won't leave you alone when you need it most. drowning all your problems in alcohol was definitively a dumb idea. drinking alone in a place with so many people was even dumber, especially after what happened at the club. did you care? not really. every single problem left your system when you were drunk, and you were willing to let go of everything tonight, even if it meant throwing up everything afterwards.

this time, you didn't stick to only one alcohol, helping you get drunk faster, but also making you dizzier than ever. luckily enough, this time you weren't feeling anxious, nor confused or scared. you genuinely wanted to enjoy yourself tonight, wanting to move on from that incident completely. everything happens for a reason- at least that's what you always told yourself. you should be thankful he didn't do more. it was too much, but it could've been far worse. you’ll never fully move on from it, but you might as well lie to yourself and have a nice time.

after all, you can't go back in time and do things differently. tonight, it was all about feeling good; your heart might not be good with feelings, but your liver surely was a pro at alcohol. drinking away your pain was a hobby at this point.

taking shots with random strangers, drinking different cocktails and drinking raw vodka were the reasons you were now dancing in the middle of everyone with a girl you've never met, drunker than you were, and possibly, high as well. all eyes were on the two of you, and in all that madness you heard that her name was giselle. making friends with random strangers at parties like this one was always wholesome.

swaying your hips to the music, your leg was between hers as the two of you moved in sync, running your hands up and down her waist, spinning her around and so on. you felt the music running through your veins, and you knew there was no way you were going home tonight, not when you were feeling this good.

rolling your eyes back, both you and giselle got even closer to each other, backs touching as you felt the rhythm down to your core. it felt magical, too good to be real. everything was spinning around, and the lights weren't helping either; pitbull’s old songs were, and will always be, a vibe.

everything went smoothly until you felt someone in your close proximity; an unknown guy, with a bottle of soju in his left hand, was now dancing with the two of you, and while giselle was seemingly happy with his arrival, you quickly excused yourself and desperately tried to get away from them. pushing people out of your way, you started getting anxious again. that guy came up to you just because he wanted to do so- which made you realize that what happened at the club two weeks ago, could always happen again. especially when you are alone and vulnerable like this.

where was heeseung, really? why did he ask you to come here, and on top of that, promise you that he’ll stay with you? you were a fool for believing him, and a clown for trying to trick yourself into believing that drinking would make you forget an incident that occurred while you were drunk.

trying to stop your eyes from rolling back, you supported yourself on the wall as you slowly made your way back into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water. you heard a familiar laugh in the distance, not too far from you, making you snap your head in that direction. there he was: lee heeseung. he was wearing baggy jeans and a plain white t-shirt, an oversized leather jacket hanging off his broad shoulders. he looked more attractive than he usually does, his black hair neatly parted in the middle.

he was very attractive indeed. his mannerisms made him even hotter than he already was. you felt something strange in your stomach, and you knew this wasn't because of all that damn alcohol. he suddenly turned his gaze on you, catching you staring at him, making you turn your head away suddenly, feeling the heat going up to your cheeks. ‘’pass me the bottle, would you?’’ you nearly froze when you heard his milky voice behind you, mentally slapping yourself in desperate attempts to get your shit together.

‘’which one,’’ you asked without turning around to face him, ‘’there’s soju, tequila, vodka, some wine, whiskey and lots of beer. what would you like?’’

‘’the one you’re holding,’’ heeseung nonchalantly stated, taking the water bottle from your hands and pouring himself a glass, ‘’i’m driving.’’

you wanted to slap yourself when you realised you were staring at him again, quickly shifting your attention to the tequila bottle in front of you, pouring yourself a shot and taking it down without a second thought.

‘’you surely like drinking a lot, don't you?’’ heeseung asked, leaning back on the counter, scanning your facial features, your heart skipping a beat when you saw his eyes landing on your lips for a brief moment. were you actually going crazy?

‘’my liver will handle what my heart can't.’’ you suddenly confessed, catching him completely off guard, ‘’it’s the best way. no one has to suffer.’’

you could tell he was about to say something, but you weren't in the mood for talking right now. something about the way he looked made him dreamier than he normally was, doing something in your brain. ‘’wanna dance?’’ you confidently asked, taking a few steps towards him, so that your face was inches away from him.

you might as well risk everything. worst case, he rejects you. but you could feel the rising tension between the two of you, and he could surely feel it too. shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, he pushed himself up from against the counter, towering over you, ‘’lead the way.’’ not only there was a change in his whole behavior, but also in the way he spoke.

without hesitating, you grabbed his hand and dragged him behind you, on the dance floor, pressing your back against his body 'accidentally’, before turning around and putting some distance between the two of you. a smirk appeared on his lips as he looked down at you, fixating his eyes on your lips before slowly scanning you from head to toe. his hands quickly made their way to your waist, pushing you closer, literally pressing your body on his as he gently massaged your waist, dragging his hand lower, daringly putting it inside the back pocket of your jeans.

perhaps you should be ashamed since you were clearly drunk and he was sober, or he should be the one ashamed since he knew you were drunk. it seemed like he read your mind, leaving you for a moment, before returning with two fresh tequila shots, ‘’i thought you were driving?’’ you asked, raising your eyebrow.

‘’i can get a cab and take the car tomorrow, you know?’’ taking the shot together, that wasn't the last one that night.

after taking more shots together, mixing a ‘mystery’ cocktail for him, you found yourself in front of his car as he was desperately searching his pockets for his car keys. once he found them and unlocked the car, you were quick to sit in the backseat, climbing on top of his lap, cupping his face with your fragile hands. his hands were softly caressing your waist, his doe eyes nowhere in sight as he seemed way more confident than he was earlier. you could see his eyes in the dim light, and their whole vibe was changed, making him look like a completely different person.

without holding back, you leaned in and connected your lips to his, moving your lips slowly in sync, his hands squeezing your waist a little bit. breaking the kiss, you saw him pouting at the lack of closure.

this time, before you kissed his lips, you kissed his whole face, leaving lipstick stains everywhere. you couldn't understand what about him was so comfortable and calming, but at the same time mesmerizing yet intimidating. connecting your lips once again, the kiss wasn't soft anymore. biting onto your lower lip, he pushed his tongue into your mouth, a small moan leaving your lips as you slowly moved your hips against him, his hands abruptly going down from your waist to your hips, squeezing them tightly, trying to stop you from moving.

after more kissing and touching, he gently pushed you away, earning a confused look from you. ‘’did i do something?’’ you asked, tilting your head to the side, as you felt your eyelids getting heavy.

‘’i think there’s something we need to talk about first.’’ he seriously said, although his voice was sweet.

‘’hm?’’ you asked, resting your hands on his shoulders, trying to stabilize yourself.

‘’about the night we first met.’’ your eyes widened in shock as soon as his words left his lips, quickly pushing yourself off his lap, trying to open the car’s door, only to be stopped by him. ‘’don’t. calm down a little.’’ your breath was going crazy, and you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest.

‘’you saw… that guy-’’ as much as you tried to sound coherent, it didn't work out the way you wanted, trying to read heeseung’s expression while also trying to understand your emotions.

‘’what i saw?’’ he asked, earning a small nod from you, ‘’his tongue bleeding. i didn't need anything else to realise what he did.’’ your eyes started watering at his words.

was he going to see you differently now? was he going to say it was your fault? would he tell anyone else?

heeseung wasn't this type of person.

‘’don’t cry.’’ he gently said, pulling you back on his lap, wrapping his arms around you, ‘’it’s not your fault.’’ his reassuring words were enough to make you break down, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hid your face on his left shoulder. running his hands up and down your back, the two of you stayed in silence for a while; heeseung didn't say anything anymore, letting you cry while he hummed a melody in your ear, trying to calm you down.

‘’i can't thank you enough for saving me that night.’’ you said between sobs, his gaze softening once you pushed yourself away from his shoulder and he saw your reddish eyes in the dim lights, and your mascara running down your cheeks. a faint smile appeared on his lips as he kissed your mascara stained cheeks before he wiped your tears away with his thumb.

‘’you don't have to thank me. any good person would've stepped in.’’ he said, another smile appearing in your face.

‘’still, i’m grateful it was you,’’ the sentence left your lips without you realizing it, making you slap yourself mentally at how bold you were tonight, ‘’i-i mean, we wouldn't be here if you didn't save me that night?’’

‘’actually…’’ heeseung said, shifting his gaze from you to the window, looking at the frat house in the distance, biting his lip before turning his attention back on you, ‘’i wanted to get to know you for a long time. i just didn't have the courage.’’

his confession left you speechless; you never saw yourself worthy of someone like heeseung, someone who was good at everything he did, someone who seemed perfect in all aspects. ‘’you looked kind of untouchable,’’ another shocking confession for the night, ‘’you came to college, went to class and left, no interest in cliches or frats or the typical campus drama. i saw you at a few parties and you were completely different from how you were in school. i found you quite intriguing and i might have developed a small crush on you…so i tried to find the courage to come up to you.’’

you couldn't help but smile like a dumb bimbo at his confession, pressing a soft kiss on his jawline before playing with his necklace, pulling him closer to you, ‘’what a good thing you found the courage to come up to me.’’ you chuckled, leaning in for a kiss, only to be denied by him, which got you more confused.

‘’hold up, hold up,’’ the black haired boy said, removing your hands from his body, ‘’sorry to ruin it to you, but if you keep kissing me i won't be able to hold back anymore.’’

again, he made you confused. was he rejecting you or subtly telling you you're pushing yourself onto him? upon seeing your perplexed expression, the silence was replaced by his loud laugh, squeezing his eyes shut while he laughed in your face. calming down, he barely held back his laughter when he saw the confusion written all over your face.

‘’we can have fun later, sweetheart,’’ heeseung spoke, playing with a strand of your hair, ‘’let me take you out on a date first.’’

(small note: if you ever find yourself in a similar situation and you're afraid to ask for help because you think people will blame your for it, just remember that there's always going to be someone there for you. since i went through something similar and i needed a whole year to tell anyone about it, constantly blaming myself for what happened, i felt much better when i told someone about what happened and got it off my chest. even if it's hard, don't hesitate to seek help <3)

#enhypen #enhypen x y/n #enhypen scenarios #enhypen au #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen heeseung #lee heeseung #kpop imagines #kpop idol #heeseung #enhypen text messages

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the-bjd-community-confess · 10 months ago

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M0nique.expl0rer leaving the hobby after one failed pre-order with Skye was something that they caused in themselves and imma be honest, they’re being very dramatic about this.

Not even bringing in the fact that her doll Skye looks like a poor copy of Khati, she’s selling a mediocre doll that they never showed with a face up and only came with one pair of resin shoes for $600. And because they are from New Zealand, shipping is also going to be at least $70+ or more, so nearly $700 for a mediocre doll. And then M0nique cut her preorder short because she didn’t get preorders on the first two days. Her reasoning? As she said in her words, she was comparing herself to more successful artists who sold out in minutes or even a few days and was expecting the same despite her first preorder AND stock sale didn’t sell out that fast to begin with (and it’s like you really think you’re on the same level as other more established and more popular artists??). Like some artists, REAL artists, out there don’t get many preorders and yet have stuck around, while all it took was her not having ONE not “successful” pre order two days in a two week ordering period. And while this is just my guess, I feel the only reason why they made that reel of them saying “goodbye” to the hobby was their last ditch effort to try and gain sympathy or attention to get more orders (I will say in a sense of sad irony that she did get the attention she was seeking, but not in the way she was hoping for as she got a lot of negative comments from people outside the hobby telling her directly her doll is ugly)

While they at least understood that not showing Skye without a face up may have hindered not getting pre-orders, blaming “not having the right clothes“ or her offering “”uncommon colors”” is such a weak excuse (also tan was one of the colors? How is that uncommon?). There are artists literally selling dolls that have bright green resin and some people only had nude pics of their dolls and they still sold well. But compared to her, those artists actually know how to sculpt and have an artistic background vs M0nique still being a very new sculptor and needing to improve before they could come close to the more experienced doll artists and her not realizing this is the most annoying about this. Like they changed the price of their three dolls three times in just under three years starting at $460, then $536, and now at $600 while adding nothing to her dolls or skill improvement that would justify a near $150+ price increase (like she’s literally comparing herself to other more successful artists)

Like this behavior is what annoys me most with new doll makers in the hobby at the moment, but M0nique has become the worst to me, especially with her comparing herself like she’s at the same level as other more successful artists. And I’m not saying that she should’ve quit nor am I celebrating this, but her quitting was probably for their best if all it took was for one preorder not going as well to be what made her quit.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Confessions #Preorders #BJD Artists

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keelt9 · 8 months ago

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Cap. 3

Part 1

Masterlist

Caro and __ are waiting in the same tree as always, eating and talking about the imminent wedding of her mother and the things that changed and the one who will still be doing it.

“Wiser decision.” Before her mother gets married, she will move with her sister to her apartment at least until she graduates, after that she will move with Enrique where she will remain working.

“Actually it’s my only option, Esteban in a couple of months will have a crowded house.” __ take a deep breath, if someone told her three years ago, she will be living with her sister, only with her sister, she will tell them they were crazy.

Caro knows __ , she recognizes that gesture in her face; the open eyes, shoulders down and twitching fingers. She is sad, really sad, but the most important; she’s angry; and the worst thing, it seems she isn't’ the only one who didn’t know why, also her siblings find it hard to know the reason.

“__…” Caro 's words stuck for her cell phone ringing. “What does this girl want?” The fact that the tightened teeths and rolled eyes were enough to put a smile on __'s face.

“Yeah…I get it… Mar you are a constant pain.” Were the last words before Caro ended the call.

“Well, it seems we have to get inside, Mar needs her computer and she left it in the car, and no, she said you better not stay here, outside alone.”

Orders are orders, and with a stressful Mar, no one wants to mess up.

“I can wait here.” __ says to Caro standing outside in front of the big storage doors. “I’m inside of the perimeter, you say that to her.” Caro smiles and gets inside.

After three weeks here, it is definitely colder than the first day, making her put her hands together and blow to try to warm.

“Gloves are a better option.” She recognizes the voice and turns around. She knows it’s a movie but what the hell, all of them look like they were starving until death, and makes her a little unforgettable to sustain her eyes on him, so she quickly turns her sight back to the sky.

“Oh, right, I never thought about it.” She could help it, sarcasm seems a hereditary thing. “Still, it seems that I’m warmer than you.”

Enzo found it kind of endearing the fact she didn’t even look at him. “How could you know it? You didn’t even look at me.” That caused __ giggles, clear her throat and look at him.

“Yep, I’m definitely warmer.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “You should go inside, I think you will freeze at any minute.” She pointed from his head to his toes. “Literally a stalactite.” Both of them laugh, Enzo takes the courage to give the first step.

“I’m Enzo.” He extends his hand, __ smiles and shakes it.

“__” It’s so clear the difference in temperature. He's cold and skinny, literally she feels is grabbing a piece of ice, and she’s warmer, he feels is touching the sunlight.

“Nice to finally know your name.” __ take account the time she has been here and cross their paths but never mention her name.

“OMG MAR! That is the kind of thing you mention right away!” Caro is at the end of her patient; __takes her hand and puts it back to her pockets.

Just a second later, because Mar has been unable to take her eyes from the scene since she noticed walking to the door, the giggle and the seconds __ maintaining her hand in Enzo’s.

<Omg, I’m crazy>, Mar thought and cursed Matias for placing that scenery in her head.

“Sorry, I don't remember which one was!” Caro takes a deep breath and says hi to Enzo. “Let’s go __, one more day, one more day, and will be free.”

“Said the girl who left her bestfriend for her boyfriend.” Mar ads scrunching her nose and smiling at Caro. She didn't even have to beg __ for please pick Mar for the last time tomorrow night, Alonso invited her to dinner and pre celebrate Christmas.

“She does it because she loves to see her best friend happy, right?” Caro hugs __ by her neck making her nod but pushing away at the same time.

“All right, all right, let’s stop from making a scene in front of Enzo.” Mar said before pushing them to start walking, __ unable to get rid of Caro’s hug. “Goodnight Enzo, see you tomorrow.” Mar walks behind the girls laughing, as Enzo says goodbye.

“Let’s go, last shot of the day!” Enzo was watching so carefully the scene, he didn’t even hear or see Agustin walking to him pushing him inside to start to shoot.

Enzo’s last scenes are scheduled to end the first week after the short period of vacation, even with the tiring year over them, they feel excited for just 24 hrs split apart from a well deserved rest. They go inside to the storage where everything is already set for the last recording of the day, Enzo set in his place to start recording.

“He seems more excited than a few moments ago.” Matias mentions to Agustin at the end of the day, as they walk to remove all the makeup and clothes.

“I think he was having fun with Mar and her sister.” Matias stops in a blink.

<What?>

“There was also another girl, with a strong gaze, black hair and probably what I consider, a contagious smile?”

Agustin was removing the clothes but he kept answering his questions. “It could be. I don’t know, I just saw Mar’s sister grabbing her by the neck and walking away.” That was enough for Matias to clap and smile, getting a forrown expression from Agustin.

“I’m excited for the end of the day, that’s all.” No one will believe that.

“Yeah, sure.”

“JUST PICK A COLOR!” Vale keeps pressing __ to pick the color of her dress for the ceremony, even the same amount of time she asks her, __ replies with the same answer.

“I don’t mind, you choose the color.” This time __ couldn’t leave her with a red face and fist tight, this time she had to continue with the phone call, a stupid promise she made to Enrique.

“__…” She could hear Vale taking a deep breath. “Ok, I’ll reduce it, salmon or pine nut.” Caro found it hard to contain the laugh, she was hearing all the mess for the very first second of the call.

“Valentina, they are pink, for christ sake, just pick one of those two! I don’t mind if you put me in a yellow dress.” The fact __ is losing her mind too just made all this situation funnier.

The discussion gets to the point __ screams the salmon color, and hears the relieved sounds of Valentina.

“Jesus! Have a good night, Esteban will call you tomorrow.” By this point of the night __ has her head covered by a pillow. “Love you.” By the end of the call, Caro is covering her mouth to spot the laughing.

“Listen I know you are tired of picking colors but, which one looks better on me?” __ breath in before sitting and watch the quandary about the skirts of her friend.

A couple of hours later, Alonso was introduced to __ before he and Caro left for their date, of course, not before __ gave him a little warning about breaking her best friend's heart, and facing that glacier stare in __’s eyes didn't leave space for a small joke.

“Okay, before he has a heart attack, we’re leaving.” Caro intertwined her hand with Alonso; Dr. Mendieta seems to have a sensor because at that moment he appears in the stairs.

“Bring her home safely, ok?” Alonso was cut for Caro giving a kiss on her father's cheek and opening the door searching for a safe spot for him.

Dr. Mendienta sat in the living room with __, and rubbed his eyes. “I must ask for your parents' tips about this, right?” __ couldn’t contain the giggle and close his eyes just like him.

“Yeah, they have experience in that.” Dr. Mendieta laughs while __ remember the time Esteban announced his engagement and the multiple times they observe Vale go on numerous dates with a smile on her face.

“I bet they will understand me when you begin to look like her; all red faces, sparkling eyes combine with heart shaped eyes.” That causes a chill in her body forcing to stand and go and search her things to go pick Mar.

“Don’t wish me so bad luck.” She smiles in an apologizing way before leaving the house.

Mrs. Mendienta stays hearing the conversation from the kitchen sitting with her husband just after __ leave the house, with a reproval face.

“What?!” Dr. Mendieta raises his arms in a surrender way.

“Years, we met __ since she was 6 and still you don’t know anything.” She grabs the control T.V. “She is not the girl who spent her days or minutes drawing hearts in the corner of the notebooks.”

Dr. Mendieta rolls his eyes, he knows that but he also sees some kind of resemblance of that behavior of her in his past younger days..

Getting two steps ahead of Mar. __ got inside of the parking lot of the storage after she arrived, just like the last time, earphones and her tablet in hand, she found the perfect spot for her to sit and work but this time to cover for the strong cold of the night, she found a little bench set between two big trees. When she sat down, took a photo of her with a huge coat, a beanie with the logo of her collage and her favorite scarf.

<Warm and safe, don’t worry> Was the message along the photo with the emoji kiss.

Mar replies with a kiss back, smiling when she sees the picture.

“They are here?” Mar jumps in her chair, almost drooping her cellphone. Matias appears out of nowhere with a mischievous face.

“Fuck! Matias, you will give me a heart attack one day.” She put her hand at the level of her heart. “Who are they?” She was trying to play the fool so, she focused again on the computer in front of her but he won’t give up so easily.

“Mar…” She smiles but shakes her head. “Listen, after our small talk I start to see crazy things ok? So, I’ll be honest and direct.”

Mar removes her headphones and faces him.

“Matias, __ just came for Christmas holidays, she will be leaving in two weeks tops, she doesn’t come frequently and I doubt she will come back in a long time, ok? So, let’s not torment two souls for your excited imagination.” He doesn't answer not because he just resigned to the idea just because he is thinking in a way to win time.

Mar moves slowly if like a faster move will turn the flashlight in his brain.

45 minutes passed since __ sent the picture until her cell phone rang one more time. <Moises> along with the emoji of a mushroom.

She picked up the call with a soft smile on her face. Moises is another of her best friends, they met when they were 10 years old, it was the intercollegiate of volleyball, and her school was headquarters. In that time Moises faced the team in where a boy who caught the attention of __, was playing after win in a flattening victory; he gave her the advice at least put her eyes in someone who can throw a ball across the room, not to the head of his teammates; that rude sincerely likes __, by the end of the week and the finish of the intercollegiate, __ found a new friend with the time became a important pillar in her life.

“What coincidence of life? We almost have the same schedule!” She hears the gasping voice, an indication of his late night runs. Even though they didn’t study the same engineer, the last subject was the same. “When did you take project I+D? I mean, I thought we had 2 subjects left.”

__ laugh if he attended the class last semester, he would know, she already passed that subject. “Going to classes helps to approve the subjects, you know?”

Moises starts to get slow and stops his clock; in Mexico even if it is winter the colder temperature begins in January; so, still the weather is nice for a late night running, but the cold air starts to cause some troubles in his breathing.

“How are you?” __ take a small breath before answering, not removing her eyes from the screen of her tablet, but her finger floating above it.

“Earth calling __” She blinks, __ didn’t even realize she stopped asking herself that question since she came here, with all the thrilling emotions of being with Caro, the distance of her problems at home and from her family, seems enough to hide that question.

“Am…fine? I guess, I mean…” Moises could picture her lending her head to the left with her furrowed eyebrows.

“You don’t have to answer just to say something.” He sat on a bench near the entrance of the park where he used to run. “I’m asking because come on! Seeing a message from you it’s like a miracle.” With that he gets a scoff from her followed by a giggle.

“You don’t ask but I will tell you…”

For 15 minutes he told about how his mother has drag him from side to side of the town buying and carried things for the Christmas dinner, this year his house it’s the place for all his family reunited, __ enjoy hear him, even she stops from working and just draw things in a new field in white.

“OH! Your strudel is from another world!” Moises is well known to his family and friends for his gift and making the most delicious dessert anyone ever tastes.

“Promise, no, no, swear me you will make me one, when I am back!” __ point to her cellphone like if he is able to see the determination in her face.

#enzo vogrincic #enzo vogrincic x reader #fic #the society of snow #enzo vogrincic fanfic #latam

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purplesurveys · 2 months ago

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1933

Do you ever get super bad buzzing in your ears? Only during situations that I come from somewhere that's super loud then I'm all of a sudden somewhere that's quiet.

Do you know anyone who has actually been in an alcohol or drug related crash? As far as I know, no. I'm reminded of an ugly crash we witnessed inside the neighborhood - it was a car that slammed right into a post, and it was a Sunday morning. There's a part of me that theorized 'alcohol-related' but we never did hear anything about the accident.

What is so wrong with cigarettes? They kill your insides, they make you look older, they stain your teeth, and the smell sticks to you.

Did you celebrate Fathers Day? We did but it was a little lowkey this year. Father's Day happened to be the day after we arrived back in Manila from Vietnam, and we were just so fucking tired. It wasn't even the day after – we literally landed in Manila at 4 AM on Father's Day.

In the morning we were up for like 2 hours to pick up the dogs from the doggie daycare we had them stay at + have lunch, but then we all went back to sleep the entire afternoon lol. Then that evening we went to church and ordered takeout from Chowking (my dad's favorite) to have at home. It was lowkey as the whole family needed it to be lowkey, hahaha.

Do you actually think you’re funny? I know I am around the right set of people. My humor doesn't make absolutely everyone else laugh, though.

Have you ever had a deep conversation with someone who was high on anything? No.

Do you ever wonder if there really is someone who can complement your personality well enough to stay together for the rest of your life? It does cross my mind sometimes, yes. But then I remember how my last relationship ended and how that can always happen again, and it becomes a lot easier to remember how I'm much better off alone.

Do you hate how being bisexual is like a trend? I never thought of it as one. People around here also don't treat it as such...if you're bi, you're just bi.

Have you ever gotten a professional massage? Just once before, but I hated how they made me strip down. I told them no, but they said it was a part of the package blahblah; and being non-confrontational, I went ahead and did it but I hated every bit of it and told myself I'd never do it again.

Do you have a good relationship with your first love? We do not talk.

What is something you’re currently nervous about? Work, and what possible tasks are out there waiting to pounce and give me my next anxiety attack. As has been going on for the last 4-5 weeks...

Do you have a popup blocker installed on your computer? Idk if it's the same thing but I have an ad blocker extension.

Do you feel like you have life figured out? I definitely do not feel that that's the case right now. I have my sights set on resigning, but have no particular next direction yet. I'm torn between wanting to use some time off to rest, and being pressured to hop to the next job. What I have going for me, I guess, is that I'm okay with either option – I'm leaving my fate to a theoretical spinning wheel and see where life takes me. And wherever it takes me, I at least know that I'm mentally capable of making the most out of it.

Have you ever used a laptop in a coffee shop? Yes. Sometimes my best work comes out in coffee shops.

What was the last worst feeling you felt? Apart from work which-is-technically-the-right-answer-but-I-don't-want-to-get-into-it – the second answer here is the VERY complicated feelings I have for Liam Payne. The man I grew up with and brought me years of happiness is very different from the man he transformed as in the years following One Direction. And yet, either way, the man is dead. There's so many nuances, so many layers to it that makes the grieving journey extremely complicated. It's hard to put into words.

I'm sad about a Human Being dying, and I'm sad about One Direction's cursed fate, and I am sad about the universe never giving Liam a chance. But I am remain angry with him for all the messy fuckery he said about the band that gave him a platform in the first place, and the messy fuckery he did to his exes. It's like, it's sad, but I also do not intend to let you off the hook.

Do you ever tend to over-analyse? Yes.

Do you know anyone that like, no matter WHAT, they’re always pissed off? I feel like work has influenced me to be like this some days, which makes me sad. I'm a shell of who I used to be.

How do you react when you’re pissed off? I take a few moments to breathe deeply and to address everything with calmness and kindness even though I'm already exploding from the inside.

What celebrity did your most current ex resemble? Gal Gadot in some angles.

What is something creepy that has happened to you (or someone you know) recently? A man knocking on my car window and speaking to me menacingly.

If you named your car or family car, what would you call it? I call her Mitsu, short for Mitsubishi hahaha.

What would you do if you were faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy (at your current age)? Keep it and hope for the best with my parents.

What does it take for someone to earn your trust? They deliver on their promises/commitment/purpose. Surprisingly this is very hard to find in people. How hard is it to just...fulfill something you said you'd do?

Is there anything you should be worried about? Continued from anywhere between 5-7 days ago, I can't really remember. Yeah I'm a bit wary about job prospects given I'm considering resigning for good from my workplace. But until I don't have anything secured, I know that I need to keep being tied here. And I really hate that.

In any case, I've started giving myself the homework that I need to send applications to five openings every day. I've been able to keep at it so far, so only thing there's left to do is see where it takes me.

Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? I'm pretty sure I'm consistently going through high blood pressure from work. Every weekday my chest feels consistently heavy/tight.

Do you think you should fight for love? It depends. Sometimes it's not worth fighting for.

Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? No.

When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? I take these. Sometimes I'd go to a coffee shop and just alternate between people-watching and going through my phone for a change of scenery.

How long did your last feelings of heartbreak last? In contrast to the "until I die" duration I thought it would be, it actually just lasted 7 months, lol. I discovered BTS not too long after the breakup and I've since been able to move past it.

Do you ever go shopping with your parents (not including grocery shopping)? Yeah sometimes, when we go out on Sundays.

When the weather is chilly but humid, what kind of things do you tend to wear? Chilly but humid is a sensation completely unfamiliar to me because where I live you only get hot and humid, or more hot and more humid.

When you’re walking somewhere, do you bring an iPod to listen to? I haven't used an iPod in like 13 years, though all the music I listen to when outdoors is in my phone.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder before? How did it affect your daily life? No.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience: Yeah, a few times. Last time was about a month ago when I drank my coffee that I had actually made the night before. It didn't taste off, but apparently it started to go off already so I didn't know it would affect me until I threw up like four times in a row.

Have you ever read anything by Chuck Palahniuk? What did you think? No.

How do you tend to amuse yourself on long car journeys? It depends on the people I'm with. If it's with my family, I just come up with a bunch of questions to ask everyone in the car; that way everyone and myself are all entertained. Taking surveys has definitely helped me come up with questions, haha.

If it's with close friends, it's not that hard to find ways to amuse ourselves tbh because we never run out of stories and prompts to talk about. Sometimes we'll also sing together, if we find a playlist that we all love.

If it's with workmates or otherwise a bunch of strangers, I just put on my earphones to either listen to music or watch videos to drown everything and everyone out.

Do you find that caffeinated or alcoholic drinks make you pee more than normal? Not so much with coffee; but with alcohol, yes, only because I drink so much water when I have it. I'm constantly driving myself so I'm not supposed to get intoxicated whatsoever.

How often do you need to charge your phone and iPod (on average)? Tbh just overnight. I never get to use my phone a lot since I work from home the whole day anyway.

Do you still enjoy watching Disney movies? Yes. I just watched Toy Story 1 & 2 and The Emperor's New Groove a few weeks ago.

What are some interests you have in common with your parents? Mm with my mom, I guess we both like Miss Saigon? Well, she liked it first, but because she played it on cassette so much when I was younger I ended up taking an interest in it as well.

My dad and I both like sports to an extent, but he's into basketball and MMA and I'm into wrestling. We also have some sort of a relationship with food, given his career as a chef and me just being an adventurous eater.

How old were you when your parents trusted you to stay home alone all day? I was around 14 when they stopped getting house help.

How long do you like to date someone before you bring them home to meet your parents? Can't relate. I've dated one person and never formally introduced her because she's a girl and I didn't know how they would take it.

If you could go to one country for two weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why? I'd go back to Da Nang in Vietnam, so I can enjoy their slow-paced living again. It was my absolute favorite part of my trip there.

Do you drink more or less water than is recommended? I'd say less.

Do you like taking walks? I do. The problem is that this country is one of the Least Walking-Friendly Places Ever, and also, it's very hot. It sucks to walk when you're just collecting sweat the entire time.

Do you go on vacation with your family a lot? Where was the last place you went? We do it as much as we can, aka when my dad is home. Our last vacation was in Vietnam; we went to Saigon and Da Nang.

What do your parents think about piercings and tattoos? Do you agree with them? I know they're fine with tattoos because they have their own and because they never acted like it was the end of the world when my sister started getting a bunch of tattoos all over her arms. I'm not so sure about piercings, though. But sure, I like that they're nonchalant about it. My dad's mantra is your money/body, your choice and tbh that's the best it gets.

Which is the funniest name you’ve ever heard? There was actually a viral Reddit post literally just this week or was it two weeks ago? where there was someone defending themselves naming their child Nyxiryn, only to get absolutely destructed by the internet. The name is bad in itself, but it was the discussion that it made it so hilarious.

What are your religious beliefs? Are these the same as your parents’? I was born in a Roman Catholic family. I am quietly atheist.

Do you find it difficult to get to sleep early when you have to be up for something the next day? Yes, mainly because it sucks that I miss out on what's supposed to be my free time.

Unless I need to wake up early to line up for a concert or to get on a flight for a trip, in which I case I have had absolutely no trouble falling asleep early the night before hahaha.

Do you still enjoy coloring in coloring books? I love coloring.

Do you remember the Land Before Time movies? Who was your favorite character? I haven't seen them.

What’s your favorite genre of book to read? Memoirs. Self-written or otherwise.

Who has more influence over your taste in music - friends or family? All over the place, to be honest! Sometimes I'll discover new songs myself; sometimes it'd come from my sister; sometimes it'd come from internet recommendations...

When someone talks to you constantly, do you get fed up and easily irritated with them? I feel like this can't be answered with a straight yes or no. It really depends on the person. If I like them, I'd feel flattered and excited that they'd want to keep talking to me. On the other side of the spectrum, if it's an agent constantly messaging me to get insurance (because this does happen, lmao) obviously I'd get irritated.

Are you one of those people who texts back instantly? Yeah. I have my phone in hand constantly so it can't be helped.

Do you think going to college / university is the best option after you’ve left school? Here in the Philippines, it is. Education is valued very, very greatly here. It's also treated like a privilege here, sadly enough.

Is it easy to sleep late in your house, or are other people pretty noisy in the mornings? I have the worst neighbors who for some reason houses a billion fucking kids constantly screaming and crying 24/7. No, it's not easy to sleep in; I've woken up earlier than I'd want to on more than one occasion because of those brats.

Do you prefer watching movies alone or with other people? With other people.

What’s your favourite place to get pizza from? I've tried so many different pizza places all my life but I'm sorry, nothing for me beats good ol' fucking Pizza Hut LOL

Do you ever do something, and then wonder how many people are currently doing the same thing as you? Only like 9 out of 10 times.

When’s the last time the power went out in your house? Couple of months back during Typhoon Carina. Fortunately we didn't have it as bad as many other cities; power just flicked off and on, then off and on before it came back on for good.

Is there a laundry basket in your room? If yes, what color is it? It's in the bathroom, not in my room. It's brown.

Do you like those different flavored Tootsie Rolls? Idk, I've never had a Tootsie Roll I feel like.

Do you keep your shoes on a shoe rack, or just throw them somewhere? Yeah we have two shoe racks.

Think of the last verbal argument you were in; what caused it? Been a while since I've gotten in one.

Does your refrigerator have one door or two? Two. Left is freezer, right is the fridge.

Do you smoosh bugs, or just let ‘em go? Unless they're flying around me or on my skin, I let them go.

Do you know anyone who collects stamps? Nope.

What was the last thing you deleted off of your computer? On my work computer, it was all the files from 2023.

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