#ALSO make it where being trans is not the entirety of their identity because who they are as a person goes beyond their gender identity

[not-rome]

I am so tired of reading stories where the trans character has to hate themselves. They're not allowed to love their body in any way. They have to be saturated in self-hatred that eats away at them and only goes away once they've started transitioning. Where are the stories where they have such a complex relationship with their body and their identity. You don't have to hate yourself just because you're trans. You're allowed to love yourself and your body. Where are the stories that explore that? Why must I read a million "they only find self-love when they now fit the gender binary in presentation"? It's 2023, we have to have some better ideas, right?

[angrykittybarbarian]

The Qunari and how DATV handled Taash's character arc

Taash's character arc has been controversial for several reasons and while the grifters and rage tourists are bothered by their non-binary identity it is in fact not the problem.

The real problem in my opinion is rather the immature way in which this was handeled and the entirety of qunari culture along with it.

Because what I came to realize at a certain point is that Taash's character arc is about identity in a broader sense. Not just in regards to gender but also to culture.

While the gender aspect is handeld immaturely the cultural aspect is not really handled at all.

Let me elaborate:

I have already explained in a previous post how DATV sets up Taash's gender identity as a conflict with their mother while there is actually none.

The game desperately wants the player to believe that Taash being non-binary is a sore subject between them and Shathann but does not actually show it.

Instead we get Taash lashing out at their mother when she was simply asking questions. That kind of behaviour only served to paint Taash as a bratty teenager á la 'It's not a phase, mom-uh'.

Not only did this portrayal not achieve its intended emotional effect but also reinforced a harmful stereotype about trans and non-binary folk I have heared in the past few years too often: 'They are just confused.' 'They are too lost in emotion and make rash decisions.' 'They are just rebelling against their parents.' You get the gist.

The devs were so concerned with not offending anyone that they became even more problematic in turn.

The Youtuber Slandered Gaming made a, in my opinion, good suggestion on how this particular character arc could have been improved upon. He suggested Taash should have been firm in their non-binary identity. There shouldn't have been a question about it in the first place. Taash would have been subsequently more mature in their approach to the topic and the discussion could have been taken deeper than that coming out scene where we have to pretend Shathann was problematic for asking questions.

Perhaps Taash could have gone no contact because of several interpersonal differences with their mother, the non-binary identity being one of them.

It's why Dorian's character quest felt deeper. He was an adult who was sure of what he wanted. There was no question about him being gay. It was about how his father reacted to the fact and how Tevinter culture and society informed that reaction. It was all so tightly knit together that it was impossible to seperate. Talking about Dorian's sexuality had to involve discussing Tevinter society.

The same was done with Krem despite being a side character you potentially could completely ignore.

Circling back to Taash their character arc pales in comparison because it always remains on that surface level of "So, I'm non-binary. I will be offended if you ask questions and don't understand me right away.'

But the kicker is that the same template was right there. They simply had to fill it out and yet they didn't.

Taash's cultural identity could have been tied so much deeper and much more intrinsicially with their gender identity. Taash, aside from struggling to find their true gender, also struggles to navigate multiple cultures.

They are the child of a qunari who has been raised in Rivain.

Taash's story is not only the expereince of a trans/non-binary kid in a hetero- and binary-normative society, it is also the story of an immigrant kid.

And this is where Bioware missed a golden opportunity to explore what it means to not only be an immigrant kid but also a queer immigrant kid.

Many of us are raised by parents who have had no experience or touching points with queer identity up to the point of us coming out or are not tolerant at all because of rigid gender roles/ideas of morality they have grown up with in their home countries. Many of us do not come out at all to our parents because of that.

Given that Shathann seems to still be very much attached to the belief system of the Qun despite having left the core society this could have been an aspect thoroughly explored. We could have gained a more nuanced and humanized depiction of the Qun instead of having it presented to us via The Butcher or the Dragon King (cringe).

Shathann could have had a very rigid idea of gender and the roles she expected of each. The constant conflict between the more conservative mother and her more flexible child could have been shown very easily and beautifully. Shathann's general perfectionist tendencies would have played very wonderfully into this. It would have made Taash lashing out at her more believable.

And I think many of us immigrant kids could have empathized with and seen ourselves more in Taash, since many of us do know this constant struggle of trying to have a family, maintain a cultural identity while also wanting to be part of the countries we've been born/raised in. Many of us can exactly recall times when the way we wanted to live was in direct opposition to what our parents expected of us. This finds its expression in mundane things like the way we want to dress and, in case of some, extends to big life decisions (expectations of getting married, in regards to education, wether you want kids and a traditional family or not, purity culture in general, etc.).

For Taash it could have been Shathann berating the way they dressed, their very profession, going out and fighting because under the Qun only men fight or expecting them to observe certain traditions and rituals. And ultimately Shathann could have doubled down on her expectation from Taash to finally adhere to one specific gender role while refusing to understand the non-binary thing instead of simply asking questions.

This could have been so beautifully shown and resolved. It would have made the scene where Shathann finally uses the correct pronouns for Taash all the more meaningful. But Bioware adresses none of these things.

Did they really have not one single employee with an immigration background? Couldn't they have done some research? It's not so hard to find first person accounts on the internet or in the real world.

Instead the question of Taash's multiculturalism is adressed in one small quest where Rook has to make the decision for them wether they want to be rivaini or qunari.

Taash has appearantly no idea about what culture they want to practice and do not even entertain the idea of possibly being both.

The character that refuses to be bound by rigid gender roles appearantly draws the line at multiculturalism.

I cannot even begin to explain how this is so problematic on so many levels. It prepetuates this idea that people will always be seperate and if you happen to have a different cultural background you better abandone your parent culture if you want to participate in the culture of the place of your birth/upbringing.

In game it could have been an opportunity for Taash to recontextualize the Qun in a more flexible way. Seeing the positive aspects of the wisdom the belief system does have while questioning problematic parts. It would have brought nuance to the Qun that was previously othered as an orientalist religion in opposition to the Catholicism coded belief system of Andrastianism.

Without exploring these possibilities the Qun remains this strange system that is ultimately worse than anything else and not worth understanding. What semblence of nuance the Qun posessed in the previous three games has been sanded down to nothingness in DATV.

[velvetvexations]

It's really frustrating how much the baeddel/TRF/transandrophobe crowd just has like, no room for cis or non-transfem butchness.

I'm a multigender butch who doesn't identify as male or a man AT ALL, and I consider myself isogender and cistrans (cis because I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, and trans because I'm also nonbinary). And... the TRF crowd has accused me of being a malicious dirty man who is lying for attention and to get into women's spaces and then presumably enact sexual violence upon them. (Which is? Literally the exact way that trans women get treated by TERFs? I would expect trans women to be the demographic who has, like, the MOST sympathy for my desire to be seen as a woman and my discomfort and dysphoria from having manhood pushed on me.)

Like, how hard is it to understand that I'm not a man? Why is my assertion of my own identity less valuable than YOUR perception of it? They don't even do this to ALL non-transfem butches, it seems like it's mostly the ones who disagree with them and believe that transandrophobia is real. So, whether or not I can be "trusted" to know my own gender identity is based on my political beliefs? How is that not self-evidently bizarre?

I really feel like we're reaching a point of end-stage discourse when "butches have male privilege" is being treated like coherent theory and getting notes upon notes of praise instead of being recognized for the sheer nonsense that it is.

Like, where was my male privilege when I was being systematically isolated throughout the entirety of middle school for being a scary predatory dyke and the only people who would engage with me and treat me with any kindness were my GROOMERS. Literally for like 3-4 years of my life the only people who would look me in the eye were the ones who were sexually assaulting me, and when they got bored and dropped me they spread rumors that I was a pervert who touched them without permission (which were believed without question because my butchness was seen as automatically precluding sexually violent behavior). There was no reason they needed to do that, either, I was far too afraid of them to try and call them out so they didn't need to discredit me. It was literally just because they didn't want me to be happy or able to make connections again after they left me.

Sorry for that last part getting kinda venty. It's all just incredibly frustrating and I hate that young butches are still going through what I went through. I was never able to hide my dykiness or pretend to be sufficiently feminine for "correct" womanhood and I was punished for it. But apparently gender non-conformance is rewarded when it's masculinity, all striving towards masculinity is seen as "moving up" by society, and I'm a male-classed enactor of the patriarchy.

most of them don't even like butch trans women lol

[eurydicees]

he/she trans butch iwaizumi and transfemme oikawa thoughts

for no reason other than satisfying my own desires and also projecting my own shit onto my fictional besties <3

LONG post under the cut. i cannot express to you enough. LONG post under the cut.

first off. wrote a fic about iwaizumi being genderqueer here. read it. it's influential but ultimately not really relevant to this. but read it anyways. im really proud of it. okay now that the self promo's out of the way!

in my mind palace, iwaizumi is a trans butch lesbian and no amount of cis bullshit telling him that's not allowed is gonna stop him from identifying that way

she starts figuring things out in college: getting to california for undergrad and meeting all the different kinds of people he does--people he never would have met in the world of men's athletics that he was in while in high school--introduces him to all kinds of new ideas, some of them being identities they had never heard of before

sometime in her freshman year someone asks him about pronouns, and it's a question he's never really thought to consider before. he's never had to--pronouns were just words assigned to them that she never really had reason to doubt

and then she starts. thinking about it. and kind of freaking out a little. because oh. there are options. and there are so many of them and it's overwhelming, to have this sudden rush of i don't think i know who i am anymore.

because he's never really had to think about gender or sexuality before: there's never been the space and support and encouragement to experiment, or the terminology in general, or any reason to try experimenting

but his friends encourage him to try things out, little by little. a few friends try out using they/them in private. they like it, most of the time, and it feels like it fits, most of the time, but still it's like. it feels like they're faking it. like it doesn't quite cover the entirety of what they feel--but maybe nothing does, you know?

they try introducing themselves by he/they in classes, instead of just in the privacy of his dorm room. he likes that people mix the two together in the same sentence sometimes. they like that he's not boxing himself into one thing

he's figuring shit out! and the journey kind of sucks because people ask him and he doesn't have answers, he doesn't have solid truth, he just has more questions for himself and he just has more to discover--which is frustrating, most of the time, but it's also fun to experiment, sometimes

it's about trying new clothing--he doesn't love dresses, but skirts with shorts sewn in are okay; crop tops and a carabiner with keys are euphoric--trying new words--he, they, genderqueer, transgender, and more--and trying new names--not a fan of his friends' suggestions, which are mostly english word names that he kind of fumbles around saying

notable that he's friends with a decent number of queer people who are so encouraging and supportive of everything they're trying out that it constantly amazes him and sometimes kind of makes him want to cry a little

also notable. he kind of. doesn't tell oikawa about any of this. they just...don't know how to.

she starts trying out she/her pronouns in her junior year of college. this starts , entirely coincidentally, a few months before oikawa comes out to him

oikawa does it quietly, without fanfare, nearly without the confidence to even say the words. she's clearly worried about what iwaizumi is going to think--they didn't grow up in a world where things like being trans or a lesbian were talked about, or were considered options for the two of them

but just as iwaizumi has been experimenting in california, oikawa has discovered an entirely new queer community in argentina, and she's discovered herself in anew just as iwaizumi has

and it doesn't change anything really, oikawa promises, again and again. she's still tooru. she's still the best friend iwaizumi has always had. she's still playing men's volleyball. she presents herself differently, now, when she can, but--

but also, in presenting differently, there's a new confidence about her. there's a new sense of self. there's a new comfort in her own body, now that she has the words to love it right, and--

and iwaizumi gets that. he doesn't want to tell oikawa just then, because oikawa is clearly nervous and this is her moment, of sorts, but now iwaizumi knows that--if they ever get brave enough--it really would be okay to say it

anyways. iwaizumi starts using she/her in addition to he and they and just. she kind of loves it.

most of the time, she doesn't love looking feminine, and that kind of . she doesn't really know how to explain that, doesn't really have the words for it

he likes being perceived a girl, but he doesn't like looking feminine. he likes being seen as masculine, but he thinks if one more person calls him a young man he's going to scream out loud

(he does kind of like fucking with people though. it gives them a little bit of gender euphoria when someone stutters through a list of pronouns, not sure what to use, looking her up and down, until giving up and landing on just his name. it maybe feels mean but it's also a little funny and really validating.)

so its like. she doesn't really know what to do with any of that. they/them feels a little too malleable, in a way. it's not really anything against the word so much as it is that people use it to cop out of calling her "she", and that's just...frustrating. because "she" fits so well on days when she's dressed masc and "he" feels so good when he's in lipstick and a skirt.

(i ran out of characters allowed in one post block apparently. so i am breaking up the list here. oh my god. i can't believe i ran out of characters. jesus fucking christ.)

anyways! it's when he comes out to oikawa that things kind of. fall into his hands and she goes oh. so this is okay. i'm allowed to have this: the unknowns, the multiplicities, the undecideds, the contradictions.

he doesn't really mean to come out. it happens casually: oikawa makes some reference to iwaizumi being cis, and iwaizumi tells her that that's not quite right. he's not sure what he is, but it's...not cis man.

she doesn't really know how to explain that to oikawa, who has become so comfortable in her gender when she's around iwaizumi, but iwaizumi figures she might as well know now. he's always trusted oikawa with everything, and he's not quite sure why this should have ever been different

anyways. oikawa tells iwaizumi something sappy, first, and something kind, second, and something annoying, when iwaizumi teases her for the first two

and when iwaizumi confesses his own unsureness, oikawa says something else along the lines of it's not really about what people tell you your labels should be when you look like yourself. it's about the words you use when you tell them to fuck off.

it makes iwaizumi laugh, and that was the main goal, really, but also iwaizumi is thinking about it long after they hang up their video call

he's been so caught up in "so, uh, what pronouns do you use?" and "hajime, do you want me to set your preferences to male or female or both when i make your tinder account for you?"

his answers have always been so relative to what he wants people to think when they look at her ("they or he are fine i guess" and "fuck off, give me my phone back"), but maybe it's less about that, for her

(this may not be true of everyone, but things start to fall into place when she moves her thought process just a little to the left)

maybe it's less about what he's letting other people see in her presentation, and more about what it is he owns about her own gender

so what does she like about it? what brings her comfort and joy? and what completely shatters all the expectations and preconceptions put on him that she hates so much?

he doesn't really come to a decision about any of those things in one night

but he tells oikawa she/he are what make him feel the most confident in his body and his heart, even if it's scary to say that out loud

the word butch comes not long after that, and he's not sure if it fits perfectly, but it's the first word to come along that feels like it captures the duality of masculine and woman that lives in him, instead of just reaching one or the other, if that makes sense

he's not sure any of it does, but he's decided she doesn't care if it makes sense or if it's "allowed" in the eyes of people who see transness as a uniform look and lesbianism as an exclusive club

it's not about what people tell her she's allowed to be, looking and talking and acting like that, you know? it's about what words he uses to make them respect her, looking and talking and acting just as she damn well pleases.

[toolatetofall]

So my partner’s nonbinary and they’ve been playing Harvestella, and they commented to me last night how affirming it was for them to be able to be referred to with they/them pronouns while playing. Like every time someone referenced their character my partner would just look so happy.

It made me think about Veil Guard and the backlash in some corners of the internet for the ability to use gender neutral pronouns for Rook and to give Rook top surgery scars and claiming it’s forcing woke shit, and like. It’s not though? It’s not like Rook’s storyline centers on their gender. Hell, aside from their pronouns and potentially their appearance, I’d be shocked if Rook’s gender impacts any part of the game or story at all.

And it also reminded me of mass effect andromeda and Hainly Abrams, a trans woman on Eos. Initially BioWare did phone in her trans-ness (she volunteered her dead name right away despite Ryder being a stranger) and seemed very much like token-trans-DEI bs that the people who are mad about veil guard are rambling about now. And you know what? That made the trans community mad too because it was shitty representation. Like no one wants diverse characters whose ‘diversity’ is clearly the only reason they’re there/the defining feature of their personality or story. Like dear god, do you know how sick some queer people, myself included, are of queer stories focusing on coming out or homophobia? Like. Yes, it impacts our experience but Christ it’s not like it’s the entirety of it.

Anyway, all this to say is that companies sometimes do try to pander to the ‘woke agenda’ or whatever bullshit, but the community they’re trying to pander to also hates the ‘token minority’ treatment. Having a player character that can reflect your identity and appearance is not pandering. It isn’t taking away from anyone’s game experience, it’s just giving people the opportunity to feel welcome in the world they’re exploring. It also makes it way easier to stay immersed in that world and enjoy it.

Also- some of these fuckers have never been forced to play as someone who doesn’t match their gender and it shows. It is so normal to have video games where the only option is to play as a man that I hardly notice it anymore until I play a game where I have the option to play as a woman and am delighted. And here these idiots are throwing a tantrum because people have the option to be trans or nonbinary.

[miraclemagpie]

any details on your lego trans headcanons you could share, mmm?

emmet (she/her) is a transfem who cracks her egg the moment she has her master builder awakening. she's spent most of her life thinking she was content being at arms length with everyone but she was repressing so much it was impossible for her to make a genuine connection. so after she comes out she is singlehandedly trying to save the world over and over again like she starts teaching at the master building school and volunteering at the animal shelter and starting activist groups, but she burns out really quickly. she's also a huge socialite afterwards and makes a million billion friends and everyone loves her. she's still awkward and strange, obviously because she's super on the spectrum, but she's able to connect with people way more genuinely after she comes out

wyldstyle (he/she) is a never anything transmasc. he's so so masc I think the movie got his character so wrong honestly and I think Elizabeth banks was really poorly cast because I think she's a lot more like Joan of Arc from clone high than he is like a girly waifish damsel in distress like they make him out to be in the movie. My vision of him being super masc is when he's really bossy and when he's info dumping to emmet about Lord business and he makes that ugh noise. I just think the way that they make him interface with men in that movie is totally disgusting and I hate it so much and my vision of him is that he falls in love with Batman because they're both huge douchebags and they just grow out together. Plus, I don't really consider the Lego movie 2 Canon in my mind, but the entirety of that movie his plotline is about forced feminization and running away from a feminine past

Benny (he/they) is a fully transitioned trans guy who's heavily non binary and mostly relates to gender thru his special interest (space ship) and sees his body mostly as machine that needs hormones for maintenance. he's not stealth but he passes so well that he has to come out for people to know that he's trans and he just generally doesn't because it doesn't ever come up. it's not a super big part of his identity. it's just a thing about him that he's really content with and very proud of

okay onto the good stuff

business (he/him for most of his life then he/they/she (when it's funny) after they come out) has such a complicated gender because he spends most of his life in the closet about it. before he comes out as trans, he describes his gender as like a faggot male PRIVATELY and is generally able to turn off his gender non-conformity. when he was younger his parents would get into huge fights because his mom let him have long hair but his dad hated it

he was a very gender non conforming child including being a cheerleader in hs (lying to his parents and saying he was on the football team). My headcanon is that there was a certain point where they sent him to conversion therapy and they shaved his head down and he just kept it short after that. but it obviously wasn't enough to keep away from the gender non-conformity and after his parents died he started doing drag again but it's only after the events of Takos Tuesday in the worlds I write him where he gets reformed instead of killing himself at Takos tuesday. I just like to mention that he gets a chance to be reformed because the master builders have a strong sense of justice and don't believe in the prison system or anything like that and they try to rehabilitate him and it works.

basically he gets sober and realizes that he has serious gender dysphoria so he starts presenting more lightly feminine like he grows his hair out a lot again and starts wearing light makeup and dressing in a more gender non-conforming way, like light cardigans and flowy jeans. he has a serious girl streak is the thing, but it's so wrapped up in trauma for him that he never fully identifies as female plue he's so non-binary anyway "woman" is not it for them. but a lot of it has to do with an autistic rejection of gender where he doesn't ever really feel like a man and he doesn't ever really feel like a woman. so he just kind of dresses however he wants to. but like trans feminine business is his good end where he really gets to express his gender variance however he pleases

but if you want to know about gcbc I would really recommend hitting up tiernan @copcest he is the gcbc expert

[viscerax]

oh em gee ok so what are ur favorite religious symbolisms/allegorys in marble hornets? 🤨🤨 i am interested..,

i hope mine were acceptable TM 😭

Jumping around in joy rn I am so glad someone asked about this. I just love marble hornets so much and I LOVE all the religious parallels in the series (religious upbringing go CRAZY)

SO!!! I think u reblogged one of my posts and you were talking about Alex being viewed as a lamb, and honestly that is soooo real.

Because of the whole thing where Alex is represented by a stigmata, in my mind, I see Alex as some really shitty savior/lamb. From his perspective, he is doing a sort of cleansing, and then sacrificing himself. By killing these people before they can get sucked too far into it, he is showing mercy to them (at least from his perspective).

ALSO... totheark. The ARK.... like. Noah's ark. Because in the Bible, the flood was sent by God to wipe out the entirety of the population of earth, save for the only pure person and his family. In this situation, I personally believe that Jay and Tim would be Noah in this situation. It could also be Brian. Since TTA is ran by multiple ppl (in my mind I believe it to be Brian, Masky, and possibly Seth), they could all have somewhat different intentions. But we see that at least one of the members at least want to keep Tim and Jay alive. This may just be my interpretation, but in Surveillance, with the clips of Jay and Tim flashing on the screen, and then the word "PERMENANCE" this could mean in a way that TTA is sort of trying to protect Jay and Tim. Thats entirely theoretical tho so don't take that to heart.

But anyways, anytime tta references the flood (Deluge, Impure.)

Or we could think about the other meaning of ark. As in The Ark of The Covenant. Don't quote me on this, but from what I remember, the word ark in Hebrew has something to do with a sacred enclosure or container that holds onto sacred scrolls, writings, etc...

So, TTA saying "Bring me to the ark" could be a way of saying that they are trying to reveal secrets. Bring them to the ark as in bring them into a place where these secrets and hidden writings are stored. TTA's main goal always seemed to be revealing secrets.

Beyond that, I could ramble in and on about how these boys lived in Alabama, and probably all had very religious upbringings. I headcanon both Alex and Jay as trans, and in case you weren't brought up religiously, these spaces aren't always very accepting of trans identities (does not apply to every religious space, obviously)

I think Alex's parents were strictly catholic. Church every Sunday. I feel like Jay and Alex knew eachother since middle school and Alex invited Jay to a summer camp (mostly because Alex didn't want to go without any friends and he had no interest in making friends with the other kids at his church.)

I think Jay's parents were sort of lazy churchgoers, but still very strict with their religion. Jay was very closeted as a child. Homeschooled for sure. Type of kid who wasn't allowed to watch SpongeBob or any cartoons that wasn't VeggieTales or something like that. He believed in it until he got to the age where he realized he had free will and didn't just have to believe everything his family spoon-fed him.

Alex carried his religion into his adulthood. I feel like he still believed in a God, and he was angry with him. How could God be so cruel, to curse him with a body that didn't fit him. To force him to take on this burden with the whole Operator thing. He definitely had a savior complex throughout the whole thing.

[metagraphy-cal]

All the mad-scientist brainstorming ideas that I wrote out as soon as they hit me on the head. Erratic, successfully DISORGANIZED, but purely raw…They won’t make sense to anyone who isn’t me, and if they make sense to you, then congratulations, you’re a certified weirdo (or maybe you’re just a pure genius)!

This is also embarrassing. If this was not being marked I would definitely never show this. I understand if you question my modes of thinking but it’s all part of the journey and I like where I’m going so far, so yay.

METAGRAPHY:

Beyond writing

Start with Why

Why:

I chose this word because, for my entire life, I felt like finding a way to communicate while transcending boundaries was the only way I could survive and connect with anybody.

Goal: communicate to connect on a meaningful and deeper level than what is generally attained in a classroom setting

Lined paper

My need for certainty

Symbols:

Different alphabet trans literation. In a language that they understand.

Japanese alphabet

Combine languages

Optimize across different letters of each alphabet

Quotes from different languageso that get lost in translation”

no direct translations

making jargon and slang with friends. Your own dictionary

universal language

esperanto

personal language

what even is language

Relationships communication between guys and girls

Language is also about listening and a lot of it is about being more attentive and really listening.

math and music

knowing yourself

Bridge

Gaps

Synapses

2

Soul

Invisible string

Bodies of water that need to be brought together

Best friends

Childhood experiences

Fusion

Eminem

Time gaps within communication

Organic

Always imperfect

Transcending boxes we create

Organization

Welding, playgrounds, you can’t play properly until it’s welded together solidly and there is complete security and stability in the knowledge that you will not get hurt or break due to a lapse in connection at the joints

Broken joints offer opportunity to strengthen a previously weak point

The chink in your armour offers the most room for growth and strength

Bridge

Mediator

Concentration gradients

Balance

Teeter totter

Communicate against all different mediums

Chameleons signaling to other chameleons

Animals communicating with other animals to alert of danger

Sapiens communication humans

Raptors game

Signals, symbols, cues

Where your weaknesses are,

find your strengths.

Communication is not about just you. It’s about the connection you feel with whatever you’re communicating with

Communication is about creating connection

communication is about identity

maybe this project is not about narrowing our focus like we always try to do in design. Maybe it’s about gearing ourselves in a direction that allows us to ask more questions, better questions, or even question the entirety of the goal itself

Some questions are open ended and swirl continuously without end and those types of debates or questions in general lead me to thinking that the right answer for the general public is not always the right answer for an individual and it is always important to find what part of the discussion is applicable to one’s life

Never stop exploring

This project is about depth

I also want to do libricide because you said we can make this anything we want

It’s hard to be hurt when you don’t let that language affect you

It’s okay if you don’t know the end because it means you still have yet to experience the best moments along the way. Don’t even think about the bad.

Travis Scott Butterfly effect

How do songs that you listen to make you appreciate people more

Ayahuasca drugs

Across nationalities

“Do you connect better with people of your own nationality.”

In big projects, even if they are personal, I like to always have input from people around me. Maybe this sounds like I’m getting farther away from the “personal” aspect but I’m not. Learning from others and about others gives me new perspectives and more clarity about my own thoughts. I do like to compare, not to denigrate anyone intentionally but to have some sort of measurement or reference point to work with

Communication or any human convention is a creation that could technically not even exist

Time does not exist and is a human construct just like almost everything else that had a human hand’s contributions

Private communication is also so important

The most important communication is with yourself. I often feel so lonely when someone doesn’t understand what I feel. I feel this almost every single day because nobody else thinks as deeply about thoughts that matter to me. I am often disappointed with the other person’s reaction or the interaction but that’s not even their fault. You shouldn’t expect someone to reciprocate the way you wish they would.

A lot of the communication we have is unnecessary.

Sometimes I speak to fill the spaces when the spaces are what make the filled areas beautiful, especially if we don’t need to fill the spaces to create a beautiful scenario.

I think of life as a huge white canvas and we just draw lines and shapes and add colours based on some created Cartesian plane

Math is communication. So is physics and chemistry. Everything in life is connected

LSD

Astroworld

People love things that go beyond convention

It’s so cool how you can relate things you’re working on to events that you’re currently experiencing in life. But also, that could just be you connecting dots and using confirmation bias. Whether this is true or not does not really matter to me

though because viewing life this way does not harm me and not viewing life this way does not exactly help me. We have a lot of control of the direction we choose to take a lot more than we think if we are very conscious of our thoughts

I think meta is something we all need to think about.

Metacognition

Meta is the deep connection we are all searching for

The reason we don’t always need to think and analyze so deeply is because of METAGRAPHY that allows this barrier to be broken and the depth to even be felt to a certain degree even when viewed from the surface and the exterior only

Diving deeper does increase appreciation but I think the best things and the most instantaneous, quicker experiences transcend this need to dive so deeply into work

People are not specific enough

Racism and having to find ways to connect to people that will interest them because your base is different but communication can level the playing field

Music

I think communication is underappreciated. Most of the best things in life are, and stupid aspects of life are overvalued and the wrong things are priced too high and that’s why most people are unfulfilled and the most they think they can get are fleeting moments of momentary pleasure.

Communication not having a proper outlet will cause internal issues and a lack of change will cause this error to persist until the point of change or explosion

Good communication does not go unpunished just because it is not explicitly received in the way you want it to. It transcends time and reaches deep places in people’s lives that may not always manifest immediately.

Communication starts at the atomic level as does every other thing in life’s we need to examine and analyze it properly

Embarrassing

—Fandoms https://lifehacker.com/the-psychology-of-a-fanboy-why-you-keep-buying-the-sam-1300451596


People are often bad at understanding communication and sometimes you need to make it unequivocally clear and almost overstep conventional boundaries to enforce a point

Crosswalks and symbols at airports

Shapes

KPOP music and nobody understanding my tastes

Even feeling lonely now that the people I grew up with can’t sing with me

Being niche is very difficult in terms of communication

Body language

5 senses

Metacognition

Get all the definitions from all the dictionaries

Graphs

Self graphs about data about self

Analysis about self through data in new forms

Animals

Think about life as a game, not being able to communicate ideas can be the solution to finding new ways to get ideas across.

Customization

2D —

game board with self analysis and one’s life timeline showing different stages of communication methods at each given stage

emoji with birthday on the back

magnet in the card

3D —

Box with different elements communicated in real life. 3D version of the 2D timeline that connects with the box somehow through form

4D

Video and audio with the different snippets of communication?

—moments of communication that stuck out to me

(August rush)

Malcolm’s word, finding solutions to colour blindness and colour correcting

Connect wit hthe feeling

Discovering other ways of communicating

quietus a release from life. new way of looking at a word

Grok was to drink and to empathize asnd understand someting ituiitively

psychology

You don’t need to go through something to understand it

Why do we even communicate

Accessibility

Footprint related

Digital footprint

Tracing your footprints

VIDEO WITH EVERYONE’S NAME AND WORD AND how they connect with your word

STRAVA

anneal

words are interconnected and broad ideas can all find common denominators

prince rupert’s drop

breaking the cycle and working through trauma

being confrontational can keep people trapped in unhealthy cycles

prior to tempering it it’s brittle and if you don’t do it properly it won’t work

The drop seems strong but it also might

so many people have so many things to say or comments about singular words

Book of one thing that everyone wishes everyone else would understand about them

Communication is about receiving as much as giving. It’s also about asking questions and asking the right ones

Butterfly effect

3D book

I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU

Pics or videos

Everyone’s fav communication method

Communication methods that work for me

Things that are stipid and don’t work

Asking the right questions to yourself and others is the beginning of everything

BURGER

LAYERS

HARVEYS AD

Most universal body language

Eating food

Food brings people together

Magnetic things create connection

Every single language

Car

Ice breaker

Build something that requires people to work together and communicate

Force them to be unable to know the language

Board game teamwork?

Instead of going worldwide I think I want to build a smaller and more niche language between classmates because I think that communication between classmates is very lacking

Buckets

My favourite part of communication is the interaction

Being bilingual is beautiful and I didn’t embrace this until this year in Korea and during a typography project

The more you work at communicating better the more you understand yourself better

GUESS WHO

FAV FONTS

FAV EMOJI

FAV COLOUR

2D APPS

3D BOOK PAGES

Maybe communication does not have to be global and people should just feel free to express themselves the way they see fit to the people who it matters that they connect with

Communication should be flexible also.

There is no one answer that fits everyone but for this, the goal is to connect in a meaningful way.

Move your app wherever you want to

Make something that you want to be part of

Customization

Apps with birthdays on back

Universality with flexibility

My book

Facebook

MyBook Pro 2025

YourBook Pro 2025

History of the word and shit in the motherboard inside the laptop

Goal of communication is to see things you like better about things you’re previously unfamiliar with and to like people better

No one can have the same emoji because everyone should have their own identity

4D PROCESSING DATABASE WITH EVERYONE’S INFO

Every page has to be beautiful

replace each word

phontenic writing

POKER LOTTO BILLS

BLUEPRINT

Traveling theme

Hotel

Boarding passes

Sports fields

People are influenced to communicate in a way that makes them feel like they belong to a group in a lot of ways

You can learn so much about a person based on asking them to customize a wallpaper

IS there gonna be a conclusion

“Yarn dings is beyond writing”

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Yet another Boyd Drake Propaganda Post from yours truly, specifically for the @eggcrackerbracket​​ tournament this time:

First of all, he’s a robot Pinocchio allusion who decided he was a definitely real boy and then he WAS one. We all know robots and Pinocchio allusions are so trans of gender, and so being both makes him extra trans of gender!

Literally uses the phrase ‘I’m Boyd, a Definitely Real Boy!’ to introduce himself. 🥺🥺🥺

The entirety of Astro BOYD involves him fighting to be seen as a regular boy rather than a killing machine. He even fights against the programming of an evil scientist trying to use him as a weapon and MAKES THE CHOICE to be a real boy. His transgenderism is so strong, he can even fight against evil programming that is trying to control him and WIN.

Astro BOYD as a whole could very well be an allegory for what it’s like to be neurodivergent, in addition to being an allegory for being transgender. Him and Huey Duck are clearly autistic-coded, and the phrase ‘He’s a kid like me, just wired a little differently’ is used. 

They’re also best friends and spend a chunk of the episode taking a tour of furry Tokyo to do research for a shared special interest. (Also I like to imagine it doubles as a date for them, because cute 🥺).

Huey also spends the entire episode reaffirming Boyd’s desire to be seen as a real boy. He’s the best triplet for this reason alone.

Less happy fact about the episode, Boyd’s creator ends up misgendering him as ‘it’ for a spell and reject his claims of being a real boy because of some stuff that happens within the episode. 

But it’s fine because he’s going up to bat for him by the end and his reaffirmation of Boyd’s chosen identity is what ends up saving the day in the end. (Also Gyro is pretty trans-coded himself so we’ll let it slide but it still took me a while to come around on him as a character 😒).

Even before this episode aired, I already had such a soft spot for Boyd. I literally only started watching the show because I saw GIFsets of a previous episode with him, and he was just so PRECIOUS (and gave me Angus McDonald vibes) so I knew I had to watch the show just so I could get to his debut episode. And then Astro BOYD came along and cemented his place as my absolute favorite character in the show, and probably one of my favorite characters of all time.

Anyway I was lightly dipping my toes into a they/them enby identity before this episode dropped, but after months of having Boyd as a comfort character after the episode aired, a LOT of things began to click for me internally. And now here I am, a he/they transmasc with one of my chosen names being Boyd. (Listen I know technically I was already not-cis before that, but he still absolutely played a big part in delivering the final blow to my egg and helping me settle comfortably into a transmasc identity).

Also one final fact; Scrooge McDuck inspired Astro Boy, the first anime character. And then Ducktales made Boyd, an homage to Astro Boy as a whole. So Boyd is technically only a few steps away from the invention of anime. He deserves some respect for that fact alone from those of you who got their egg cracked by an anime character.

Okay I’m done now. Vote for the boy who cracked my egg because he is so polite and sweet and a definitely real boy and he deserves to at least get past round one 🥺🥺🥺

Also also if you want, watch Ducktales 2017 because it’s pretty fun. Or just watch Astro BOYD, because it’s the best episode. Sorry DWD fans, I know where my loyalties lie.

Also ALSO ALSO in case a DT fan who doesn’t know me might ask why I said Boyd DRAKE:

(Okay now I’m really, REALLY done for now, promise. Mainly bc this post is getting super long and I have a few others drafted before the contest has even started. #BOYDSWEEP)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

what's up gamers, the odds are very slim that I'll be finishing another book before November is over, so let's do a roundup! I've you've been following me literally at all you probably saw me reblog my public shame TBR list at some point, and now we get the #reviews.

what have I been reading?

Histories of the Transgender Child (Jules Gill-Peterson, 2018) - this book is a really incredible piece of historical research, exploring the existence of transgender and gender non-conforming children in the first half of the 21st century. Gill-Peterson threads a great needle of both laying out ways in which trans identity and specifically trans youth were understood in the early decades of trans healthcare, establishing that young transgender people are in no way a modern phenomenon, while also making the strong case that trans youth have been able to exist without complication or medical intervention throughout American history. It's an engrossing medical history, and I would say intensely valuable to anyone who has a vested interest in protecting trans kids' right to autonomy and joy.

Batman: Bruce Wayne - Murderer? (Greg Rucka et al, 2002) - this, to me, is peak Batfamily content. everyone is miserable and nobody is communicating about it because they're all too depressed and bitchy. Bruce gets accused of murder and sent to prison and he decides the only reasonable thing to do is break out and never be Bruce Wayne again, with seemingly no concern about how horrific the consequences will be for his family as long as he gets to keep being Batman. the dysfunction is... fucking delicious. cannot WAIT to read Bruce Wayne: Fugitive, I must know how Brucie baby gets himself out of this one. also, hey, have I mentioned that I miss Babs as Oracle every single day? god, she's just... she's so much cooler as Oracle.

Alive at the End of the World (Saeed Jones, 2022) - Jones is so so so so so so SO good at writing layers of pain and hurt into his poetry. the imagery of apocalypse and protest is infinitely striking, and I was particularly shaken by the recurring series within the book that ended each segment, in which Jones finds himself in his apartment after a reading speaking with a doppelganger who turns out to be his own personified pain. chills!!!! CHILLS!!!!

Elatsoe (Darcie Little Badger, 2020) - I wanted to make a point of reading something a little lighter, because we've been a little #heavy lately, and Little Badger's debut YA novel was perfect for that. while Elatsoe isn't what I'd call flawless - in particular, I have to say that the main characters seem VERY young for 17 year olds, feeling more like middle readers protagonists in most ways - it's an extremely charming book with a lot of really cool ideas. the world is one very like ours but suffused with mythology; ghosts, vampires, and fairies are well-known facts of life integrated seamlessly into the story. it's very cool to see an urban fantasy where the protagonist's parents are totally in on the supernatural and fully supportive of the teen sleuthing without any sketchy ulterior motivations, and I think the tidbit that Lipan folks are able to banish vampires for coming into their home - the entirety of their ancestral lands - without an invitation is one of the coolest twists on vampire lore I've ever seen.

Nature Poem (Tommy Pico, 2017) - I LOVE Tommy Pico's epic poetry (that's a literary term, not an outdated compliment), and I read Nature Poem in what I believe is the way that was intended: all in one evening, still wearing a cute little bodycon dress, glitter, and fishnets after a Halloween party, a little tipsy. as always Pico's voice is impeccable, dry and witty and observant and so, so tired of so much bullshit. the preoccupation of this poem is the idea of nature, specifically writing a poem about it, and Pico's railing against the idea that white poets can write countless poems about nature and only be seen as writing a poem, while he, as a Kumeyaay man, can't write a poem about nature without it being seen as a woo woo magical Native American thing. but it's not just that; no Pico poem is every just one thing, but a smart and circling conversation to drive a point home. I still don't know if I'm liking poetry right but man I know I love Tommy Pico.

The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life (Michael Warner, 1999) - full disclosure: I ordered this book in a feverish haze after it was recommended at a conference by a speaker who was so stupid hot that I nearly had a panic attack about it. we don't have time to unpack all that, but I will say that this was as eye-opening a read as nearly all historical queer texts are. the two things that jumped out at me most were 1.) Warner's well-written argument against the concept of marriage as a whole, with the then-ongoing fight for gay marriage necessarily included, and 2.) the scathing critiques of gay individuals who throw ~weird sexual deviant~ gays under the bus to further their own social standing. INSANE that that's still topical in 2022; can't wait to be quoting a 20+ year old book at people when the kink @ pride discourse starts in 2023.

A Dowry of Blood (S.T. Gibson, 2021) - that's right, it's the TikTok book about Dracula's brides being in a polycule! I figured with a description like that this was either going to be pretty good or bad in fun and interesting ways, and I wasn't disappointed at all. Dowry was a fast, fun read, with a heavy gothy ambiance all the way through. it carries more weight than expected by depicting Dracula himself as a surprisingly realistic abusive partner, a boyfriend from hell who keeps his partners on short leashes with a thinly-veiled threat of death if they ever displease him. if you like your vampires depressed, horny, and wrapped up in deeply unhealthy psychosexual mindgames you will LOVE this.

Into the Riverlands (Nghi Vo, 2022) - this is the latest novella in Vo's Singing Hills Cycle, which I cannot recommend enough to anyone. I didn't initially adore this entry quite as much as When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain or Empress of Salt and Fortune, I think because it felt less immersive. the Singing Hills Cycle tells stories within stories, framed by a cleric named Chih travelling to gather stories across the fictional kingdom in which they live. the first two novellas were much more immersive in their storytelling, and I think I missed having that in Into the Riverlands, but there was a certain reveal near the end that cast the whole thing in a very different light and made me like the setup a lot more. it's also worth noting that given the way this novella deals with larger-than-life martial artists and the way their legends are distorted across time, it reminded me VERY much of The Girl Who Kept Winter - a spectacularly fun read, one that I can't recommend enough.

The World We Make (N.K. Jemisin, 2022) - god DAMN, N.K. Jemisin! I was a little unsure about The City We Became, willing to rank it as my least favorite of Jemisin's books, but the sequel really knocked by socks off. I could hardly put it down, and I'm sad to see the duology ended already - if I'm being totally honest I think this book could easily have been fleshed into two for a trilogy, given how much capital-p-Plot is introduced, but I also really respect how much story Jemisin was able to so slicky introduce and resolve in under 400 pages here. on the whole this is a thriving, fast, fist-pumping love letter to New York City and the power of community in the face of all kinds of evil, and one of the few sequels I feel completely confident calling better than the original.

[honeybeekao]

i think the entirety of niigo would be really interesting in a model au. mafuyu's whole. Deal translates really well into being a model. she's spent her entire life becoming this beautiful ideal model type that everyone around her expects her to be, only to find out that beneath the pretty face she doesn't know who she is. her mother in this au would still be the same but also like an izumi mom type. you know how izumi's parents see him as an object and show him off so that people might think they care about him but really they only care about the model side of him and not the person. yeah.

and i think mafuyu and ena can veryyy much relate to each other in that sense, but while ena has a creative outlet and a genuine passion for modeling, mafuyu has nothing.

and mizuki.. well their situation is a lot more complicated. i like to think theyre a newer model. started independent, just modeling their own clothes, but eventually got picked up by a smaller agency or something of the sort that allows people to have more creative freedom. or maybe they're really just an instagram influencer who models for small clothing companies i don't know. either way they're not out as trans obviously, which makes the stakes even higher for people finding out their secret, since it means not only losing their friends, but also their job

wake upp it's niigo hoursssss

"where ena has passion mafuyu has nothing" Ouch. she didn't want or choose to be there but she is and it's neverending . did i ever tell you i share mafuyu's birthday, so legally i have to think abt her (Also i saw trandmasc mafuyu once is that common?)

i'd assume she's seen as very professional and perfect, but what if that's because it's easy to be professional when it's all you know. doesnt ever express a "wrong emotion"

ena. Ena. i waaaanna talk about her it's such a downward spiral. maybe disguised as "improvement" and whenever she hits follower and achievement milestones they all feel like hitting rock bottom. that could be said about regular ena too but you know she'd have a modeling insta too

ghgfghgg mizuki's situation makes me waaa

the fact they can't do anything they want to without fear of people finding out their identity is just. so real yknow. in a way it's like crafting a facade of "you know exactly who i am" Just so the 'finding out' never happens. if ppl are confident they know who mizuki is—but not Enough (they run away before that happens)—then it's safe, they're secure.

hold on i need to look up kanade

shes so pretty i'd love to draw her

oh my god?? i'd never read her lore before (you didnt tell me.....uueueue) girllll it's not your faaauuult Awh.

i think maybe if her mom had been a model, maybe she took up that role as well after seeing old photos.

[xclusivetism]

New term: ‘Xclusivet’

So i’ve created a new term ‘Xclusivet’ for women to adopt and use just in case the trans movement start to fully hoard over the word woman.

Note: You can’t search it up (yet, hopefully)

)

Some might think “isn’t reducing us to a chromosome?”

I actually thought that for a moment, but when i think about it again it’s actually progressive as well factual.

The words female and woman (which is getting taken slowly) only regards one’s reproductive role to describe them. It’s accurate in a sense but that's not one’s only purpose and not every woman can be pregnant nor want to.

Do we really need to hold onto ‘woman’? Okay maybe 90% above of the population does but look how much influence the below 10% TRA is creating. In iran/q one can be transgender because of homophobic reason. Many corporations etc.are on their side because obviously patriarchy. Plus TRAs are messing around with pronouns too and if i’m gonna be honest i don’t really like the s’he’/’he’r but whatever.

The words we know are obviously made mainly by men, i mean if we tried completely to create our own construct (which many of us are not in on it yet) that’s gonna cost us some linguistic barriers.

“Xclusivet” indicates the first step away from it all, as the essential thing that makes us exclusive from men is the X chromosome. The “t” is for making it sound more distinct from exclusive.

‘Xclusivet’ regards the entirety of one’s being, with every cell in the body sexed by x chromosome including the mind that generates our thoughts and of course the reproductive role. 

An x chromosome is a major requirement for a human to be sustainable themselves, so it’s pretty prominent.

To be a xclu is just to exist as one. That’s it’s meaning. Not societal notions or even being the “other half” to the male sex. The label detaches from that and brings its focus on the individual.

So someone being prejudiced? Just point them being “Xcluphobic/Xcluphobia/Xcluphobe”

It’s synonymous to basically misogyny, but trans women try to “claim” they could also suffer from this called transmisogyny (Doesn’t exist). 

What would be considered xclusivet? 

All women, “a”fab including transman, infertile and intersex women.

Now there’s women who have andro sensitivity syndrome. Now if i say that’s the exception some trans women would barge in because i’m including a Y chromosome. All i can say is probably ‘intersexed xclusivet’ so it eliminate the non-intersex Ys from being included but andro women to be consider in a way.

How ‘xclusivet’ stops TRAs from appropriating 

“Transwomen are women” Okay woman, but you're not a xclusivet. 

“Non-binary/Men can be pregnant/have periods” but only xclusivet ones can.

“Sex isn’t binary.” 

So are gametes a spectrum and also why does that matter, isn’t your identity   focused on gender? Sex being a “spectrum” still doesn't make a Y to be considered in regards to us still.

“You are a vagina fetishist.” Attracted to xclusivet women not women in general, i can’t be a fetishist if what i’m attracted is of the whole. You xcluphobic homophobe. 

“You are transphobic/terf!” 

Some men are xclu so where's the trans exclusion? Acknowledging sex aspect is not disregarding gender since they’re different aren’t they? One’s socially constructed, the other is biological.

“Intersex people exist, you know!”

First, why use a sex-base thing to solitfy gender idenity? Secondly, we want xclusivet intersex.

“I not a woman anymore, i'm a man/nonbinary! Stop calling me xlcu.”

You are the one who conflated the identities. Being black for example doesn’t make one less of a man. You aren’t a woman, but you're still a xlcu since how you came to identify as a man has been composed of x chromosomes only not y.

“E”x”clusive? You a man hater.”

So if I block children from a stripclub does that mean I hate children? or if I acknowledge that I don't have frog DNA, does that mean I hate frogs? If I wanna research in Antarctica about penguins does that mean I loathe giraffes? If i have an ambition for racing does that mean i hate everyone who places piano right?

“This is like super straight all over again.”

“Super” suggests that one’s gender identity is not as valid. Being attracted to xclusivet only has no suggestion of such and is only there to validate sex dispotion not disregard gender. Besides, isn’t there Skoliosexuality?

Your rights end where mine start. We’re allowed to have our xclusivet space apart from women’s space, talk about xclusivet issues etc.

But yeah, that’s some of the examples for xclusivet.

Though you’ll see me sometimes saying woman etc. still just because this term is new and saying the former will bring reach.

[wavygrayvy]

What’s your queer headcanon for the muppets?

Hi, first of all, thank you for asking :))

Second of all, I’m gonna bullet point this bad boy because I have lots of thoughts

Bert and Ernie- 100% gay. They’re cis but very supportive of all gender identities

Kermit- definitely ace, maybe biromantic? I get ace vibes from him because of the way he shuts down Piggy’s advances in the muppet show (1977) and also this one moment from the muppets (2015) where his other pig girlfriend Denise makes a comment that’s very much so an innuendo along the lines of “tell me what you want me to do to you” and he says he wants a chocolate sundae, which honestly is very iconic of him. I get possibly some he/they vibes from Kermit? Idk I’ve mostly been building my asexual headcanon today

Miss Piggy- I don’t have a lot of thoughts about her but I saw a tiktok the other day that she’s trans and I like that hc. I guess it also kinda makes a lot of sense because her character has only ever been played by men

Scooter- gay, possibly bi? But definitely not straight. Already got vibes from him but then I recently found out his original muppeteer Richard Hunt was gay so I’ve now decided it’s homophobic to perceive Scooter as cishet /j I’m also going to go ahead and say he’s nonbinary because I’m nonbinary and I like Scooter so we’re gonna project

Gonzo- nonbinary and bi/pan. Definitely don’t want to get into discourse but listing both labels bc i feel like gonzo’s self-labeling could go either way. If polyamory counts I’m also gonna throw that in here because my guy Gonzo and some points has multiple chicken girlfriends?? Idk he’s kinda bird-like so I just roll with it and refuse to unpack

Bunsen and Beaker: honestly don’t think about them enough to have solid takes on their labels but I definitely think they’re together so on this list they go

The entirety of the electric mayhem- zero cishets here. Animal makes it very clear he likes women but you just know his relationship with gender is nonexistent. Janice is trans and I’d like to think she’s a lesbian but drawing from various pieces of media she’s been in relationships with floyd, dr. teeth, AND zoot so she’s pan. Going back to those three, they’re all pan and Zoot’s nonbinary if only because that is such a nonbinary name like for real

Statler and Waldorf- they’re both gay but not together. They’re just friends who like to bully fozzie together. Although I saw a hc somewhere that they’re exes which has interesting storytelling potential

Fozzie- Bi, no further thoughts

Russo and Pepe- they’re both bi and they’re together (sorry yolanda) also one time Pepe made a joke about gender being fluid so he’s genderfluid, we love to see it

Uncle Deadly- gay and it’s very clearly supposed to be canon. Like he’s miss piggy’s unspoken gay best friend but he’s written in a way that I can’t hate him for it

It’s like 2:15 am so I might’ve missed somebody but uh yeah these are my thoughts.

[itsclydebitches]

(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.

Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:

Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff

The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything

The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic

Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now

Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops

Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either

Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out

Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman

A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again

I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too

I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/”  Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.

So what do we do with that?

That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.

To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.

That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.

I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.  

[lilallama]

Valentines Day

TW: Obsessive behaviour, mentioning of stealing and slight homophobia, proceed with caution!

"Taehyung sweetie, wake up.~"

I groan and turn in my sheets, slowly regaining consciousness. "I've prepared you breakfast. Get dressed and come downstairs." The clacking of my mother's heels echoed through the hall as she went away. Groggily I sit up and stretch. I push my bangs out of my eyes I stare towards the window to my left. The sun shines through the thin curtains casting an orange light on my bedroom wall. I yawn and stand up, pulling the curtains aside and flooding the room with light. I take a moment to look outside, admiring our beautiful garden before remembering what day it is. Today is Valentines day! My God/Goddess asked me to meet up with them. Oh, spending Valentines with my saviour is the best thing to have ever happened to me!

I rush to pick out a white dress shirt, a khaki sweater vest with a black pair of slacks. After also brushing through my hair to untangle any knots I opened my secret Y/n shrine. The picture of their smiling face makes my heart pound so fast. They are otherworldly, absolutely ethereal! I take out a shirt of theirs which I borrowed a while ago. If I close my eyes it still smells like them, it's addictive.

Just to make sure that no items were robbed from their place I go through all items once again. Five chewed on pencils, a small box of empty wrappers, my 20 most favourite photos of them, the candle they accidentally bit into because they thought it was edible, the borrowed shirt, a pair of their underwear, a bunch of pins and hair ties they touched, the bundle of 36 hair strands I managed to collect (I only collect the hairs that have fallen out, I would never dare to cut or rip out my God's/Goddess' hair) and my water bottle which they drank out of (I had to buy a new one to keep this in my shrine but it was so worth it). All my items were there.

Suddenly I hear clacking and a small thud. I turn around in confusion, what just happened? But then I hear Yeontan's bark from the other side of the door. He ran against the door again. I can't help but laugh as I go to open the door for him. He jumps up a bit so I kneel down to pet him. "I'm meeting up with Y/n today, isn't that exciting!" Yeontan immediately started yapping, he loved my God/Goddess almost as much as I do. It's really incredible what an effect Y/n has on everyone, they all seem to love them. Well, then again that is expected to be the case considering Y/n is such a godly being.

"Taehyung!" "I'm coming!" My mother called me again. "Come on, boy." I hurry downstairs with Yeontan following me. "Good morning, Ma. Good morning, Pa." My father nodded at me while my mother beckoned me to sit down and eat. While I finish my breakfast my mother was talking about a lot of stuff. "Have you heard, they're trying to make gay marriage legal here. That is complete nonsense! God created a man and a woman for a reason." I have no clue what my mother was raging about. I concluded that she's probably just misinformed, Y/n said that being part of the lgbtq community is completely natural and alright. I know they know better than anyone else. "What's so bad about it, Ma?" My mother looked at me with horror. "They can't help who they're attracted to. It's all natural, isn't it?" My mother shook her head. "No!" She exclaimed, "Being gay or trans or something is inherently selfish! Gays are selfish! Men and women were created by God to conceive a child and stop the human kind from getting extinct. Trans are selfish! God gave you a body and you chose to change it in it's entirety! Such behaviour is unacceptable." "But I thought God loves everyo-" "Where have you even gotten that idea? Maybe you should go back to homeschooling. Clearly these other kids are having a bad influence on you." I look over to my father who just continues reading the newspaper. I respect my mother but she clearly isn't ready yet for the wisdom Y/n has bestowed upon me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. "Look at the time we'll have to go now." Right, it was Sunday which means we're going to church. I always like going there, the windows astound me everytime. And the pastor is always so welcoming and friendly. I vividly remember asking him about the lgbtq community after Y/n had told me about them. He said that God loves everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. He truly is a wise man.

As soon as we returned my father got a call from a business partner. They said they'd have to go now and want me to take Yeontan with me to my meet up. While I was a bit saddened that I couldn't be alone with my God/Goddess I decided it wouldn't be a problem.

Yeontan excitedly trots besides me as I make my way to the place where my saviour and I would meet up. I debated getting them a bouquet of red roses for Valentines day, but figured that the 20 letters, 12 stuffed animals and 18 bouquets I gave them during the past week would be enough, for now. As I make my way there I couldn't conceal the excitement I felt. Getting the chance to spend time with my Master/Mistress was something I believed I'd only ever dream about. The euphoria I feel from the mere thought of getting to see them today is dizzying.

Suddenly Yeontan starts barking and storms off. He never leaves my side, that's why he's not kept on a leash. To see him run away from me like that was surprising at best. But then I notice the reason for his behaviour. The puppy ran towards Y/n who was waiting for me a few metres away. How could I have just ignored my saviour like that! What I did was unacceptable. I would punish myself, but it would likely ruin Y/n's day, I can't let that happen. So I run after Yeontan, towards my God/Goddess.

"Good morning, Y/n! I'm sorry about him." I look down at Yeontan who's still getting pet by Y/n. He better cherish that they're even looking at him. It's bad enough that he practically demanded pats from them. So disrespectful. "No worries. He's so adorable!" At least Y/n seemed to enjoy his behaviour. I doubt it would work if I behaved that way towards them, but that's for another day to find out. "I dearly hope you didn't have to wait too long." They smile up at me. Oh, their smile is to die for. So incredibly perfect! I feel my knees getting weak. "Don't worry about it. I just arrived too." Yeontan started barking again and was noe excitedly jumping around, making Y/n laugh. "Awe! Yeontan is so adorable. I didn't know you'd take him with you." "It was unexpected for me as well." They stand up and take my hand. My heart is beating so fast, I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's getting harder to breathe. "Let's go now!" We start walking along the path with Yeontan rushing after us.

We sat outside a small café and each ordered our desired dessert. "Have you ever been on a date?" That question caught me off guard. "Oh, no. I haven't." I believe that much was quite obvious, but perhaps I was mistaken. They look surprised, shocked almost. "Really? How come? Aren't you getting asked out left and right?" "I suppose I just never had interest in anyone. I barely know those who ask me out. They're all so shallow to confess without knowing anything about me." Just then the waiter returned with our desserts. We thank him before we start eating.

Both of us watch as Yeontan is running around and playing in the snow. I look over to see Y/n smile at him, leading me to also smile. I adore their smile. Everything about them is so perfect. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. Each detail is something new, something beautiful to discover. Unable to take y eyes off them I-

"Excuse me." Who dares interrupt my special time with my God/Goddess?! Two girls stood next our table. One almost cowering behind the other and mumbling something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no. Jess, don't." But I really couldn't care less. "My friend thinks you're really cute and was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with her." So annoying. I eye them down and make one thing clear. "I'm not interested." The girl cowering behind the other looked disappointed, perhaps ashamed. Good. She should be. After they interrupted my date with the Y/n they can go burn for all I care. "Have a good day." After the girls back away with the other girl exclaiming, "What a jerk!" I turn my attention back to Y/n. "Uhm, wasn't that a bit harsh?" They looked unsure. "Was it? I thought it was reasonable. Better to tell the truth than lead them on, am I correct?" They took another bite of their dessert. "I guess you're right."

We had a grand time strolling through the park, even having a snowball fight. They won. Obviously I could not compete with my God/Goddess, no one could ever. Yeontan was also very entertained as he kept trying to catch the snowballs as they flew over his head. Soon the sun began setting. It was incredible how fast the time flew by. Both our clothes were slightly damp due to the snow. I didn't think much about it untill Y/n began shivering. No no no no! My saviour could get sick, or die! I couldn't let that happen. I take off my jacket and gently place it over their shoulders. "But, won't you be cold?" I give them a reassured smile. "Don't worry about me, my God/Goddess. If I may, I'd love to accompany on your way home." They let out a bashful chuckle, making me melt. I feel my entire body heating up from that gorgeous chuckle. Their power over me is simply astounding.

All the way home I keep my arm atound them in hopes of providing some form of warmth for them. I cannot bear knowing that they're freezing. Never would I be able to forgive myself if they'd catch a cold. Yeontan was also slowly getting tired, which was by bo means a surprise considering how he played and jumped around all day. "Thank you for bring me home, Taehyung." Hearing them say my name makes my entire body tingle and flutter. "You do not have to thank me, Y/n. It was an honour!" Whatever I expected, it was not feeling their lips against mine. My mind went blank and I could barely stand. I felt dizzy, yet so so good! They gave me my jacket back after the short peck and laughed. "Goodnight!" Then they went inside and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, shocked at what had happened yet freling absolute bliss. After a minute or so I manage to finally pull myself together. I put on my jacket, it smells like them! And then I picked Yeontan up and walked home.

Oh, this day was the best I've ever had!

If you liked my work please reblog! 💌

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.