#ALSO GO LISTEN TO EAT YOU ALIVE BY THE OH HELLOS

[banchiedoingart]

there is no courage in flirting with fear

to prove you're alive

Reblog > likes!!!

[lendeah]

Three times you take care of Astarion and one time he takes care of you

[ao3 link]

You were a caring person. That much was clear from the first moment you let him drink off you, almost to death. It was also clear when you tried to cool Karlach down with a rainy spell so you could hug her. Or give Gale every piece of magic item in your inventory so he could eat it. You enjoyed taking care of people.

However, taking care of Astarion wasn't an easy task. As much as you wanted to be there for him and help him, the vampire was a difficult person to handle. He was like a wild animal, constantly on edge and ready to lash out. It soon became clear that Astarion wasn't used to being on the receiving end of caring. Wasn't used for someone to care at all.

So you went little by little, as to not startle him. You started by simply spending time with him. Patiently listening to his endless complaints and blatant flirting, offering a sympathetic ear and a playful response, respectively. It was clear that Astarion enjoyed your company, even if he didn't always show it. He would often make snarky comments or sarcastic remarks, but you could tell that deep down, he appreciated having someone around.

Of course, you let him drain you dry every night, which honestly left you sick and tired through the day, but it was worth the glint in his eyes and the way his cheeks seemed to light up as if he was alive again.

You couldn't help but notice; he always had a book in his hands. Whether you were at camp or out on an expedition, he was constantly reading. So you began collecting every book you stumbled upon and leaving them on his bedroll for him to find when he returned to his tent. No matter the genre- whether it was a history book, poetry or even erotica- you always gifted them to him.

The first times, he would search around the camp in confusion, wondering who had left them there for him. But after the fifth or sixth book, the vampire's expression would light up with a secretive smile as he eagerly flipped through the pages. It warmed your heart to see him so engrossed in a story, his curiosity evident in his shining eyes. However, you kept your identity hidden: if he knew it was you leaving the books, he might become wary again and you didn't want to risk it after coming this far. This went on for a few weeks until one day, as you were leaving another book, a voice called out from behind you.

"Well, hello there. I suppose the game is up."

You froze, the book still in your hands, as you turned around to see Astarion standing with a sly smile on his face.

"I... erm, I just found these books lying around and thought they might be yours," you said lamely.

He smirked, eyes narrowing as if he saw right through your excuses. "Funny, I don't recall owning any of these books you are holding."

You blushed, avoiding his gaze. "Oh...I must have made a mistake then."

But Astarion just shook his head, walking closer to you until he was within arm's reach. "You think I don't know what you're doing? You haven't exactly been subtle, sweetheart."

You felt your face heat up even more, the blush reaching your ears.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably as your voice came out a little squeaky.

Astarion chuckled. "Well, if I didn't know any better, I might suspect that you were trying to seduce me. If you wanted to come into my tent, all you had to do was ask, my dear."

"I-It... It's not like that!" you sputtered out, trying to avoid eye contact with him. "I just thought... you like reading."

"Oh, I do," Astarion said in a low voice. "Among other things."

You swallowed hard as your mind raced. Had he just... Was he implying what you thought he was implying?

"I-I should really get going," you said quickly, turning away from him and almost tripping over your own feet.

But before you could run off, Astarion's hand closed around your wrist, pulling you back towards him. "Wait," he said, his eyes locked onto yours. His expression was a bit serious, a stark contrast to the playful persona he usually wore. "Thanks for the effort. It's almost sweet, doing all this for me."

The two of you stood there for a moment longer before Astarion spoke up again.

"Perhaps we could have a little fun and read them together sometime?" he suggested with a raised eyebrow.

You smiled shyly at him, feeling butterflies in your stomach at his offer.

"I... I would love that," you said, trying to keep the excitement out of your voice.

Astarion's smile widened and he released your wrist. "Wonderful. I look forward to it, my dear. And I do hope the next book is a good one."

You walked away from his tent, trying to convince yourself that the thumping of your heart was simply due to your love for taking care of others.

With each passing day, your meetings with Astarion in his tent became a familiar routine. You allowed him to feed on you, then spent time reading together from the books you had collected for him. It was also a chance for you to study him closely, searching for any other way to care for him. One night, as he read aloud to you, the soothing sound of his voice lulled you into a peaceful slumber, curled up on his bedroll next to him. The next morning, as sunlight flooded the tent, you woke up to find Astarion already awake, holding a book in his hands.

"Good morning," you said, rubbing the sleep off your eyes. "Sorry I fell asleep here."

Astarion raised an eyebrow at you. "No need to apologize. I must say, you look quite lovely when you're sleeping. Although you do not sound that lovely, but well, we can't all be perfect."

You rolled your eyes, then sat up stretching your limbs. As you glanced around the room, your eyes landed on the book in his hand - the one you two had been reading last night. It was almost finished now.

"Wait, you haven't slept?"

He let out a soft laugh.

"My dear, I am an elf. We do not sleep; we trance. And to answer your inquiry, no, I did not partake in that either. It's not something I typically find enjoyable."

You looked at Astarion with confusion and concern. "But... why? Don't you need to rest?"

He gave a casual shrug. "If I enter into a trance, the only memories accessible to me are my own life experiences. And let me tell you, those are not pleasant memories."

"But isn't there a way for you to... just rest? Without the memories, I mean?" You asked.

Astarion smirked, his eyes still fixed on the book in his hands. "Why bother learning how to sleep when I can trance instead?" he quipped "Trancing has always been my preferred method anyway."

You couldn't imagine what it was like, being forced to relive your trauma over and over again every night.

"I’m so sorry, Astarion," you whispered, your voice barely above a hush.

He waved his hand dismissively. "Oh well," he said, "It's all in the past now, isn't it? Just another part of who I am."

You nodded slowly but you couldn’t shrug off his words as easily as he could. You recalled the way he looked when he was trancing - peaceful and unguarded. It was hard to imagine that behind those serene features he was being haunted by his memories.

The day was a blur, as you struggled to maintain a cheerful facade and engage in small talk. However, Astarion's words continued to haunt you. As the evening progressed and you both followed your usual nightly routine, you made a decision to do something.

"Astarion." He turned to you, a curious look on his face. You took a deep breath, trying to gather your courage."I think we could try something different tonight. Do you trust me?"

Astarion looked at you as though surprised by the question, a hint of amusement twinkling in his eyes.

"Trust is a strong word, darling," he replied, a smirk forming on his lips. "But yes, I suppose I do trust you."

"Good," you said, trying to keep your voice steady despite the pounding of your heart.

You cleared your throat as you settled into the bedroll, signaling for him to join you. Astarion raised an eyebrow but followed your lead, settling into the bedroll beside you.

"Rest your head on my lap," you instructed softly

Astarion's eyebrows shot up once more, but then he shrugged and followed your instructions. He cautiously rested his head on your lap, surprising you with his compliance. Sensing the tension in his body, you refrained from touching him yet, and instead reached for your bag. He watched you curiously as you took out a small jar.

"What's that?" he asked, his eyes glinting with intrigue.

"It's a special blend of herbs and oils that I use to help me relax and sleep better," you explained, opening the tub and taking out a small dab of the mixture. "Can I touch you?"

He seemed to hesitate for a few seconds, before he answered, "Yes you may."

You rubbed the mixture between your fingers before gently massaging it onto his temples and forehead. You could feel him tense under your touch, probably not used to this kind of contact.

"Does it help?" he asked quietly, his eyes closed.

"It helps me," you replied honestly. "I'm not sure if it'll have the same effect on you, but I figured it's worth a try."

He nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," you replied, smiling back down at him. "Now just close your eyes and try to relax. Let your thoughts drift you away."

Astarion blinked, his long lashes fluttering against his pale skin. He looked at you with a mix of surprise and skepticism, clearly hesitant to follow your lead. But he didn't protest, didn't push your hands away. Instead, he nodded slightly, closing his eyes once more.

You watched him closely, noticing how the tension in his jaw gradually subsided and the creases on his forehead smoothed out little by little. You continued gently massaging his temples, the rhythmic movements soothing both of you.

The change in his demeanor prompted a fluttering sensation in your stomach that you hastily shrugged away, reminding yourself not to read too much into it.

Eventually, you started running your fingers through his hair and Astarion let out a contented hum, adjusting himself slightly in response. You could have sworn he was purring, and it seemed like he had fallen into a deep slumber.

By the end of the night, you were asleep with your hands still gently stroking his head.

From that moment, a subtle tension seemed to linger between the two of you. It was unspoken, but present every time you were alone together. Astarion would ask for your help to fall asleep each night, and without fail, he would drift off quickly and sleep soundly. You loved watching him relax under your touch, feeling his body go limp and his soft sleepy sounds. But more than that, you enjoyed drifting off with your fingers tangled in his soft curls, your heart feeling light and at ease in his presence.

However, the perils of your journey became worse as your party reached the Underdark. Your main concern became avoiding attacks from shadow monsters, leaving little room for any attention to whatever connection was building between you two.

One night, as you approached Astarion's tent, you noticed him sitting cross-legged in front of his small mirror. His brow was furrowed and his expression was one of deep contemplation. You hesitated for a moment, unsure if you should disturb him or not.

"Looking at something?" he suddenly asked.

You jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, not expecting him to break the silence.

"How did you see me?"

"The only benefit to a mirror when you have my condition. It doesn't quite make up for the lack of a reflection, mind you."

And then it clicked. He couldn't see his own reflection. Why hadn't it occurred to you before?

"Do you miss it? Your own face, I mean."

Of course he did, what a stupid question.

"Preening in the Looking Glass? Petty vanity?" Astarion scoffed, "Of course I miss it."

Astarion's tone was bitter, his gaze fixed on his reflection-less face in the mirror. You sat down next to him, mirroring his position.

"I've never even seen this face not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red"

So he hadn't seen his face in over 200 years. You couldn't imagine what that must feel like. To not have seen your own face in over two centuries. To be unable to remember how it even looked like.

After your conversation, ideas began to circulate in your mind. You considered asking Gale to use his magic to transform your appearance to match his, but that would only be temporary. You wanted something more permanent that would allow him to admire his own face whenever he pleased. The thought of enchanting his mirror so that it would reflect his image crossed your mind. Surely there had to be a spell for that. However, time was limited and you were unsure how much you could dedicate to the task anyway. Then, an answer presented itself at the Last Light Inn when you encountered an artist on your way.

"How long would it take for you to paint a portrait?"

"Like, a month?"

"I will pay you triple if you finish it in a week."

Although the artist was hesitant, the promise of triple payment was too tempting for him to turn down. And so, a week later, you returned to Astarion's tent with a canvas in hand. He arched an eyebrow in question.

"What is this?" Astarion asked, gesturing towards your offering. "Another gift? At this rate, my tent will be overflowing with your generosity."

You grinned and gently set the canvas on the floor in front of him. A delicate, sheer fabric covered its surface.

"This is a special one, though."

His eyes glossed over with a mixture of curiosity and amusement as he leaned forward to unwrap it. An expectant silence filled the tent, the only sound being the rustle of fabric as he carefully lifted the veil. The sight that greeted his gaze left him momentarily speechless - an exquisitely painted portrait of a man, elegantly handsome with sharp, angular features and piercing red eyes.

"What is this?" Astarion asked with a chuckle, clearly admiring the artwork."You've given me a portrait of a handsome stranger? How thoughtful, dear. But the quality could be better, honestly."

Your heart pounded in your chest as you whispered, "That's you," holding your breath for his reaction.

There was a tense moment of silence as Astarion stared at the portrait. You couldn't quite read his expression, and your heart started to race with anxiety. Had you made a mistake? Was he displeased with the gift? Maybe you were intruding too much in his personal life...

After what felt like an eternity, Astarion finally spoke. "This is... me?" His voice was barely above a whisper, almost disbelieving.

You nodded, tears welling in your eyes.

"Yes. I wanted you to have something that would allow you to see yourself again, so I asked an artist at the Last Light Inn to paint you."

His fingers traced over the painting, brushing lightly over the likeness of his own face, his own eyes - red now - but still his. He took a step back as if he'd been hit, staggering slightly. There was a moment where he just stood there, staring at the man in the portrait - at himself.

"Is this... is this how I look now?" He asks, voice barely audible.

You swallowed hard and nodded, "Yes."

"I..." he started, then stopped. Shaking his head, he turned towards you with a conflicted look in his red eyes. "I... don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," you told him reassuringly, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

He looked at you for a long moment before nodding and squeezing your hand back. A tear trickled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, but not before you saw it glistening in the dim light.

"Thank you," he said finally. It's quiet, almost lost in the silence of the tent, but the sincerity in his voice is unmistakable. You smiled at him, feeling a wave of relief and happiness wash over you.

"You're welcome," you whispered softly.

Astarion's crimson eyes shimmered with tears as he gazed at the painting, struggling to maintain his composure. You gave him a reassuring smile before turning around to give him some space to process his thoughts and feelings. But just as you were about to leave, he reached out and took hold of your hand, stopping you.

"Don't go" he said solemnly. "Please don't go... I'd like to... I want..." slowly, he stepped closer to you and wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug.

You were taken aback for a moment but then quickly melted into his embrace. After a moment of silence, the vampire spoke softly, his voice raspy.

"I don't know... how to repay you, I..." he murmured into your hair.

"You don't have to," you whispered back, feeling overwhelmed by his sudden display of emotion.

After what felt like an eternity, Astarion finally pulled away slightly so that he could look into your eyes. His eyes were moist with tears, but they also held a glimmer of hope, happiness. You couldn't help but smile back at him, feeling a wave of warmth spread throughout your body from the simple touch. And in that moment, you realized just how deeply you had fallen for this man. It wasn't just a matter of caring anymore; you were deeply and irrevocably in love with him.

And you would tell him, you decided. You would let him know that he didn't owe you anything because you had acted out of love. Your heart pounded in your chest, adrenaline rushing through your veins. His eyes were still on yours, searching, questioning.

"Astarion...," you started, your voice soft and filled with emotion, "I need to tell you... I..."

However, just as you were about to spill your heart, the sound of someone calling for you pierced through the quiet atmosphere of the tent. With a sigh, you reluctantly untangled yourself from Astarion's arms.

"I'm afraid that's my cue."

He gave a silent nod, his eyes reflecting a mix of conflicting emotions.

"Sure, sure. Wouldn't want to interrupt your exciting duties as our esteemed leader."

You rolled your eyes with a small smile and got out of the tent. However, there was a feeling of disappointed and regret for not being able to express your true feelings to him. You made a mental note to tell him later when you had the chance.

But that night, Astarion didn't come to his bedroll. Nor the next one. Or the one following. You sensed he was putting some distance between you as if something had changed. He continued with his blatant flirting and sly remarks, of course. They just seemed... mechanical. Every time you tried to talk about your feelings, he would deflect or change the subject. Days turned into weeks and still nothing changed between you two. Astarion remained distant and aloof while you struggled with your own emotions, feeling confused and rejected.

One morning, you woke up with a heavy weight on your chest. You initially dismissed it as the usual feeling of sadness that had been lingering for a week now. But after a whole day of choking on your own breath and dizziness, mixed with a deep pounding in your head, you knew this wasn’t the case. Despite your condition, you pushed through the day, determined not to be seen as weak or unreliable by your group.

However, as time passed, it became increasingly difficult to hide your worsening state from everyone else. Your coughing spells were becoming more frequent, and your body was weakening rapidly. You could sense Astarion's worried stare on you from time to time, but he never approached you to inquire about your condition.

That all changed one morning when you couldn't even muster the strength to get out of bed. Your entire body was in pain and your fever was soaring. You heard footsteps approaching your bedrolls and prepared yourself for one of your companions coming to check on you (or more likely, tell you off). However, it was Astarion's smirking face that came into view.

"Well, well, well," he said with a teasing tone, "Seems like our fearless leader is not feeling so fearless anymore. Feeling lazy today, are we?"

You managed to roll your eyes, laying your arm back over them to shield from the morning sunlight peering in through a hole in the tent. "If by lazy you mean sick, then yes." Your voice was weak and raspier than usual. You coughed into your arm, the action causing your body to shake and shudder with discomfort.

"Hmm..." Astarion's voice was no longer teasing. "That doesn't sound good, darling."

His gaze was intense when he leaned down to press his hand against your forehead. You suppressed a shiver at the unexpected coolness it brought and tried to turn away from him. He didn't let you, pushing your hair away from your face with his other hand.

"You're burning up," he said, moving away from you but not before you saw the worry flash briefly in his eyes. He stood up abruptly and started pacing around your bedroll, "What can I do?" He asked more to himself than you.

"Nothing… I just need… rest..." You managed to respond before another coughing fit washed over you.

Astarion shook his head "I'm going to get Shadowheart and Halsin. They will know what to do."

Astarion hurried out of the tent, and surely a few minutes later he came back bringing your two companions. As Halsin handed you the potion and Shadowheart casted her healing spells, Astarion's hand brushed against yours briefly before pulling away.

"Thank you," you whispered weakly before passing out.

A few hours later, after resting and drinking more disgusting beverages than you could count, your fever had finally subsided a bit and your coughing fits were less frequent. Astarion stayed by your side through the whole ordeal, a comforting silhouette against the flickering candlelight. You closed your eyes and felt his cold hand soothingly stroke your forehead. The cool, comforting touch of his skin against yours was a relief from the fever heat radiating off your body.

"Feel any better?" Astarion asked, raising an eyebrow.

You attempted a smile, "Well, I'm not dead yet."

His lips twitched in response, a semblance of his usual smirk flickering across his handsome face. "Good. That would be inconvenient for my dietary needs."

Despite feeling weak and exhausted, you couldn't help but chuckle. It was a welcome distraction from the constant throbbing pain in your head and rattling chest.

He shifted awkwardly on his seat next to you, looking almost hesitant, before he started speaking again. "I... I was scared of losing you," he admitted, "And I have to confess something."

His usually confident and cocky demeanor was replaced with an almost childlike uncertainty.

"What is it?" You asked, your voice still weak but full of concern.

He sighed heavily before meeting your gaze.

"I had a nice simple plan; to manipulate your feelings so you'd never turn on me. And honestly, I thought it would be so easy, with you being so open, so eager to care for everyone..." He frowns, "But that is the thing. You are so kind, so thoughtful. No one's ever cared for me the way you have. And... I don't know how to handle it."

You reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it gently. "I understand," you said softly. "It's not easy to let someone take care of you, but you don't have to push me away. You deserve love and happiness just like everyone else."

He nodded, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. "I want to try," he said, determination flickering in his gaze. "I want to let you take care of me. And I want to take care of you, if you let me."

You smiled at him, feeling a warmth spread through your chest at his words.

"Of course. But first, I feel like I need to tell you something too." You took a deep breath before continuing, "I...I think I'm falling in love with you."

He looked at you puzzled, before letting out a loud laugh.

"Oh, my love. I already knew."

You were taken aback by his words. "What? You did?"

He rolled his eyes "Dear, you were hardly subtle about it. A portrait? Essential oils? Come on..."

You couldn't help but laugh at his response, feeling relieved and embarrassed all at once.

"I guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought," you said, shaking your head.

"But I'm not better." He leaned in closer, his lips hovering just inches from yours. "I've been falling for you since the moment you started leaving books on my bedroll."

With that, he closed the distance between you and pressed his lips against yours in a soft kiss. It was like a spark igniting, sending waves of electricity through your body. In that brief moment, all the emotions and tensions that had been building between you seemed to dissipate into thin air. The softness of his lips against yours was like a warm embrace, melting away any doubts or fears you may have had.

When you both pulled away, you rested your forehead against his and whispered, "You are going to get ill now."

He chuckled, "How fortunate I am already dead then."

Yet, in that moment, the gleam of his eyes made him seem more alive than you had ever seen him.

[floralcyanide]

˚₊✩‧₊◜kinktober 2023! ―

― day fourteen ⛧ sex toys

Cillian Murphy x F!Reader

It's your birthday, and Cillian's gift keeps giving.

warnings: smut, sex toys, oral (f receiving), squirting, cum eating, nipple play, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, clit torture

word count: 1087

author's note: hello yes I'm alive lol I'm so sorry I'm so behind on kinktober. my mental health hasn't been the best and life is really stressful rn but I'm trying my best ((: I hope ya'll enjoy.

kinktober masterpost | kinktober taglist form | main masterlist | main taglist form

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Cillian is always adventurous when it comes to trying new things with you in bed. This includes different positions as well as various toys. So when your birthday rolls around, Cillian decides to get you a mind-blowing gift. He also decides his end goal is to get you to squirt, even if it takes the entirety of your birthday to do so. Cillian is almost beside himself as you wake up and shower, his excitement bleeding through his calm and collected exterior. While you’re washing up, he goes to his closet and retrieves the gift box with your gift inside. Sitting it on your end of the bed, he returns to his warm spot under the duvet and waits for you to finish showering. Without realizing it, Cillian falls asleep while you’re blow drying your hair, the sounds lulling him to doze off. 

“What’s this?” you ask loudly enough for your boyfriend to stir from his short slumber.

“Hmm? Oh,” Cillian rubs his eyes, sitting up, “That’s your birthday gift. Happy birthday, love.”

You quirk an eyebrow, the gift box in your hands, “I thought I said not to get me anything?”

“Well, you know I never listen,” Cillian chuckles, tossing the duvet off his legs, “Now open it.”

You sigh, glaring at Cillian playfully before pulling the box apart, revealing a contraption you’ve only ever seen on the internet.

“No way,” you gasp, your cheeks burning at the sight of the brand new toy, “How’d you know I wanted one?”

“I didn’t,” Cillian admits, “But I’m glad you’re going to enjoy it.”

“Oh really now?” you tilt your head, “And just when do you think I’m going to enjoy it?”

Cillian catches onto your teasing tone, “Today. Right now. Lay down, and we’ll see.”

You giggle, unwrapping the towel from around your body and letting it fall to the floor as you climb on the bed, the empty gift box now discarded and forgotten at the end of the bed. The toy, a clit sucker and massager, is in your hands only a moment before Cillian snatches it while you’re relaxing into the mattress. He climbs on top of you, resting himself between your legs as he puts the toy next to you for now.

“Got to get you a little ready first,” Cillian looks up at you through his lashes as he gives your clit a testing lick.

You hum, letting Cillian slowly circle the bud with the tip of his tongue to arouse you. Suckling on your clit, he lets his teeth graze against the sensitive flesh as a quiet moan leaves your lips. You can feel yourself gradually getting wet as Cillian teases your bundle of nerves with his fingers. He pinches you lightly, rolling you between his fingertips as your hips buck upward at the sensation. Cillian watches in delight as your clit becomes red and swollen, begging to be tortured. He sits up and returns to his side of the bed, beckoning you to sit in his lap. You quickly sit between his legs, your back pressed against his chest as he retrieves the toy. He made sure to charge it before placing it in the box yesterday to ensure it was ready. Cillian turns the sucker on, admiring the small piece inside the sucker that acts similar to a tongue, flicking up and down slowly. The speed of the “tongue” and the strength of the sucking can be turned up and down with buttons, much to your excitement.

“I’m goin’ ta make you squirt, kitten. How’s that?”

You shiver, moaning at his words, “Sounds good.”

Cillian spreads your lips apart, getting a perfect view of your puffy clit as he lowers the mouth of the sucker onto it, your entire body jolting at the initial feeling. You gasp, your hands flying to grip Cillian’s thighs as the little tongue inside torturously flicks your bud as the toy sucks it lightly. Cillian turns both up a notch higher, satisfied when you let out a breathy moan. After he lets you adjust to the first three settings, Cillian turns it up to the fourth setting, letting you squirm before pulling the toy off you.

“Noo,” you whine, breathing heavily, “Feels so good.”

“Be patient, love,” Cillian coos, “Wanna make you cum so hard you fucking scream.”

You cry out when he presses the toy back to your angry clit, the stimulation making your stomach clench. With his free hand, Cillian pinches your nipples, tugging at them as he turns up the toy yet again. He figures out that you absolutely lose control when he wiggles the toy while it’s suctioned to your bundle of nerves, adding friction to the other delicious sensations.

“Fuck,” you squeal, your legs beginning to shake, “I’m gonna cum, fuck!”

“Cum for me, doll. Fucking gush all over the bed like the messy bitch you are, I know you can.”

You feel an intense orgasm approaching, your entire body vibrating as the toy laps at your clit, your endless arousal seeping out of you and onto the sheets. Cillian turns the toy up as high as it’ll go, pulling on your nipple and twisting it, sending you absolutely delirious. You cum hard, your cunt clenching harshly around nothing as arousal gushes from you in spurts. Cillian keeps the toy on you, making your body convulse as another squirting orgasm comes over you. You’re screaming at this point, making a mess of the sheets as you release everywhere. Cillian is groaning in your ear, his hard-on pressed into your tailbone as he watches you come undone. He finally goes to take the toy off but doesn’t turn it off or remove it quickly. Instead, he slowly pulls it off your clit, letting it continue to suction the bud. You’re near tears in overstimulation as you feel yourself about to cum again, your cunt pitifully squirting the remainder of your arousal before Cillian pulls the toy completely off you. 

“God,” your chest heaves as you melt into Cillian’s chest, slurring your words, “Fuck. That was so good.”

Cillian chuckles at your state of euphoria as he turns the sucker off. He reaches a hand to your pussy, gathering your wetness with his fingers as he makes you jump from the light touch. Bringing his fingers to his mouth, Cillian cleans them of your squirt and cum. You moan at the action, and if you were able to, you’d be turned on again. But you’re absolutely spent. 

Happy birthday to you.

taglist:

@jessica987 @justafangirl @amanda08319 @works-of-fanfiction @topperscumslut @cranesbathtowel @butlersluvbot @nela-cutie @straykids-gives-me-life @ineedmyaccountback @itsbebeyyy @blankbedroom @purejasmine @mrsbutler99 @tiredkitten @ab4eva @kai-wifey @dynamitehacke @arieslost @your-nanas-house @shynovelist @darknight2202 @crackheadwithtoes @lyss-111 @lilymurphy03 @faebirdie @yongi-lee @specialstay @greatkinglulu @meetmeatyourworst @cillianswifefr @ins0mniac-whack @multifans-things @no-fooking-fighting @mypoisonedvine @madnessandobsession @gimmefood @preparedfruit @thequeenoftheisleofavalon @scarlettlight06 @burnyouwithacigarettelighter @reggxe-a @berlyrecords @dorknerdbeautiful @scribbuluswrites @ecstaticforus @vampireluck

[gamergirl-niffler]

I had a difficult time deciding what to choose. Finally, I'd want to ask for number 3 with Howl ❤️

Howl... with "Making a promise to remain friends forever"... sweetie! I feel friendzoned by him now, BUT oh well... a request is a request!

HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY IT!

My first time writing for him... so don't eat me alive...

BY THE WAY! I KNOW! IT'S JUST A SECOND WORK! AND IT TAKES ME A LOT OF TIME TO WRITE!

I AM SORRY AND I AM WORKING ON OTHER FICS!

Howl rushed over to Markl and Sophie, adjusting his shirt with a soft smile. "Markl, I hope you're ready. Sophie, you too." 

Sophie donned a hat and joined Howl, asking, "Where are we going?" 

Before he could finish his explanation, Markl interjected with a happy yell, "We're visiting Y/N!" The boy was ecstatic, jumping around in joy. 

"Y/N? Who's that?" Asked the curious girl.

Markl was eager to explain, but the wizard interrupted him and clarified, "Y/N is my friend, but she works hard, so I don't visit her often." 

"Y/N resides deep within the forest and despises it when the Master's castle intrudes upon her territory. She even sent a flock of birds after Master once," Markl exclaimed excitedly.

The wizard chuckled at the memory and confirmed, "That's precisely why we'll leave the castle here and walk to her. Enough chatter, let's go." He then opened the door, signaling for them to follow.

The forest was quiet, almost as if it was sleeping. Only sounds filling this air was the wind playing all over the place, ruffling the branches of trees and grass.

The day was warm and serene, the sun shining down through the thick canopy of trees. 

As you strolled along the forest path, carrying a basket brimming with fruits and herbs, you hummed softly to yourself. Your tail swished behind you with each step, though your ears twitched uncomfortably in the light breeze that was tickling your fur. 

As a wolf hybrid responsible for the welfare of the forest, life was far from easy, with days often unpredictable. And this day was about to prove no different.

After arriving home and putting away the basket, you let out a soft sigh and stretched, emitting a low growl. Suddenly, your ears perked up upon hearing someone approaching. It was rare for people to venture into the forest, let alone come so close to your hut. The visit was certainly suspicious.

As you made your way towards the source of the noise, you furrowed your brows and moved cautiously. Suddenly, a loud and joyful shout rang in your sensitive ears, startling you. However, you managed to catch the person who was running towards you. It turned out to be none other than Markl, a boy you knew. You couldn't help but laugh as he hugged you tightly.

"Y/N! I missed you!" He exclaimed.

You hugged him back, equally delighted to see him. "Oh, Markl! I missed you too! I am so glad to see you."

"Master Howl is here as well. Sophie stopped him to watch rabbits play!" The boy explained. "I am sure you will like her."

Your ears twitched as you listened to him. Now you were curious who Sophie was, but also you felt excited to see your friend again.

Just a few moments later, you saw him approaching; Howl didn't change much. He looked just as charming as always. You set the boy back on the ground and ran to greet him, practically jumping into his arms.

The young man effortlessly caught you and twirled you around, returning the hug with happiness. "Look at this! A wild forest beast has attacked us. How scary."

You couldn't help but laugh heartily at his jest. "Should I be scared that you came to my forest? At least you left that castle far away," you rolled your eyes and sighed. "It's great to see you again."

"Likewise, Y/N. I missed you, and I want you to meet someone," he set you down and gestured to Sophie with an open hand. "I would like to introduce you to my beloved Sophie. Sophie, this is my dear friend Y/N."

"Hello," the girl greeted you shyly with a wave of her palm.

You greeted Sophie and took a closer look at her while sniffing the air. She smelled sweet like a meadow full of flowers, making your ear twitch in interest. "It's nice to meet you Sophie! I'm glad he finally found someone decent. Come on, let's go inside. I'll make some herbal tea and cake," you said, leading the way with your tail swaying from side to side.

The whole visit was pleasant, allowing you to catch up with your friend and get to know Sophie better. She seemed like a kind and courageous girl, and you were starting to like her. However, a nagging worry lingered in the back of your mind: now that Howl had found his one true love, would he abandon your friendship for good? As you tried to put on a friendly demeanor, Howl was the only one who noticed your mood shift, indicated by your drooping tail. 

When night overtook the whole forest, you offered for your guests to spend the night in your hut to spare them from wandering in the wilderness. After preparing their rooms, you excused yourself to take a nighttime stroll to ease your mind and check for any disturbances in the woods.

Unbeknownst to you, someone trailed behind you. Eventually, you arrived at a vast meadow beneath a sky filled with countless twinkling stars. They were so numerous that you could not even begin to count them, each one more beautiful than the last.

As you closed your eyes and enjoyed the peaceful moment, you suddenly felt weightless, as if you were floating. Your eyes flew open in surprise, and you let out a gasp.

"Taking your beautiful ears, I was hoping you would hear me. Let me help you," your hand was grasped by another, bigger palm while an arm wrapped around your waist, steding you in a position resembling a regular one. "I thought you'd like it."

Looking up, you saw Howl with a warm smile on his face. 

"I do like it," you growled, slightly offended. "But next time, warn me before you do something like that!"

He only chuckled. "So? Will you dance with me? We haven't done this in a long time."

You nodded and let him lead the dance, since you felt a bit rusty and slightly uneasy. It was indeed a long time. 

The fact that you didn't look at him even for a moment didn't escape his attention, at least he could tell you're relaxed. "I noticed that during our little hang out, your tail and ears dropped. Mind telling me what's wrong?"

Immediately, you looked up at him, your ears and tail visibly stiff as you blushed deeply. "I-It's nothing. Really."

"Is that so?" He hummed, spinning you around a little. Of course, you didn't convince him.

Letting out a deep sigh, you decided to finally tell him the truth. "Fine. There is something bothering me," he simply nodded, encouraging you to continue, so you did. "Sophie is a wonderful person, I can tell she is perfect for you, but... I am just worried that now you will forget about me completely."

Your feet suddenly touched the ground. "Sit down," was all he said, and you followed, taking a seat on the grass. He joined you soon, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

Howl asked, gently playing with your ear fur, "Y/N, you have been my friend for a long time. How could I ever forget about you? Look at the sky. How many stars are there?"

You looked up and nodded, gazing at the countless stars. "There are so many. Too many to count."

"And that's for how many years we will be friends. We will be friends forever."

You looked at him, blinking back tears. "Do you promise?"

Suddenly he pulled you closer, hugging you tightly with a soft laugh. "Of course I promise!”

Returning the laugh, you nodded, hugging him tightly. "I take that promise! And I promise to be your friend forever!"

You and Howl sat there, wrapped in each other's embrace, watching the stars in the sky. As the night wore on, you eventually went back to your hut to get some sleep.

[the-amazing-wonderss]

hihi!! i hope both of ur guys day is going good! This is my first time requesting so im a little nervous i read ur rules over like ten times (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) can u pls do Kou, Nene, and Hanako reading their s/o a bedtime story >w< ty in advance :3

A/N: Omg hihi its been awhile since we last posted but we're here and alive still~!! Oh and also If it makes you feel any better, this is actually our first ask 😭??? So we're really excited and decided to have both of us write for it, aren't you a lucky anon?! Anyways I hope you like it! ⎯ Mod ☠️ Omg...a request...Hello! ^^ We added Mitsuba to the list, I felt like a silly fella while writing for him. His brain makes me insane. ANYWAY, I actually didn't write angst. I can't remember the last time I did that. Enjoy~ ⎯ Mod👻 (if tumblr eats this again, I will cry)

Content: Fluff, slight angst if you squint in Hanako and Mitsuba's part, no gender mention for reader aside from the word 'prince' and 'princess' being used. Summary: Reading their s/o a bedtime story

Characters: Nene, Hanako, Mitsuba, Kou

A story about a girl who gets saved by her prince, not in an ideal way like she wanted it to be, but nonetheless, still fell for them anyways. ⎯ Once upon a time I had my eyes set out for a fairytale of my own, wanting to feel like a hopeless romantic with the person of my dreams. But to think that the person I've been dreaming of was actually beside me this whole time... Perhaps instead of me, it was them that was hopeless in the end.

It was during when you stayed over at her house and weren't able to sleep, that she suggested she'd tell you some of the latest stories she's been reading about. Some that you've already heard of (either from her already mentioning it before or seeing it in the media) while others not so much.

When NENE talks about her stories she's very enthusiastic about it. Happy to even have someone listening to her rant on and on about something she's been dying to talk about for awhile, but it's even more special when it's her S/O ⎯ especially if they were the ones to ask her first before she even got the chance to herself.

Her stories lean more towards romance for obvious reasons. Loving the tropes to the story is one thing, but another would be because of how she likes to imagine herself in those sort of scenarios. Embarrassed to even admit it out loud, though it's already clear why she likes them so much.

And although at first she was telling the stories to you to get you to fall asleep, it sometimes ends with you staying up a little later due to her getting a tad bit carried away.

Oh but if you do end up falling asleep right before her? You won't ever see or hear about it, unless you were pretending to be asleep, but Nene is definitely the type to give you a shy goodnights kiss. Feeling brave only because you were asleep, but if not, she'd totally cover her face as she fumes at how embarrassing it is to get caught in her sly act.

A story about a commoner boy who had a princess that loved him dearly, despite his backstory and everything he deemed as 'unworthy' of their love, nothing ⎯ not even his words, could sway their view of him. ⎯ Time and time again you run and hide from me. Behind that wall of doubt and insecurities there's something that you clearly don't see in yourself that I adore so much. When will you finally come to terms and see things my way? Love yourself as much as I love you.

It's weird how you decided to nap in the bathroom. Especially his bathroom where he's poking you constantly until you tell him off.

When HANAKO is reading you a story, he has you sleeping and leaning against his shoulder. His hand occasionally shifting your head back in place when he notices you nodding off or about to fall, or maybe even just doing it to use it as an excuse to pat your head ⎯ who knows? Clearly not you.

But the types of stories Hanako tends to read to you depends entirely on his mood. Whenever he's feeling like a jokester, he'd tell you horror stories just to see your scared reaction as you cling onto him ⎯ or when he's feeling a little solemn, he'd tell the sort of fairytale that ends with bad endings to them.

Differing between those two genres the most. But on the more rarer occasions, does he switch it up to something else.

Something odd, something you wouldn't even expect from him. Something ... that perhaps convey how he really feels but is too afraid to admit it out loud? It honestly depends up to you to actually catch onto it. If not? Then you probably won't ever hear that story again from him.

A story where a ghost finds a human and wishes to stand by their side ⎯ A story where death will not part them, for they belong together. ⎯ I keep thinking that I could be good enough for you - that you could love me as more than 'friends', maybe I am a bit selfish for thinking this. Not that I could ever say it to your face.

Someone decided to be nice today and bless you with a sleepover!! At your own house of course.

MITSUBA didn't plan on reading to you but you told him a few stories of your own. He wasn't sure why he did it. Perhaps it was the smile on your face every time you started reading to him, so he returned the favor.

He wasn't sure what to read until he came up with his own idea. A short story about a ghost, since he knew that firsthand. A story with a ghost about falling in love with a human, a story he...

As he told the story, he could see your smile slowly disappear, almost as if you realized he was the ghost in the story.

"The ghost never told them how he felt."

And that was the last thing he said before being engulfed in your arms. He knew this feeling - he's felt it before. That warm feeling.

The feeling of love.

The feeling of an old memory.

A story where the knight doesn't get the girl ⎯ oh...I guess this is a different ending. A story where the knight gets the prince, and they live a happy life. ⎯ I didn't change the ending! This is how it was meant to be! I...I suppose if you prefer for the knight to not fall for the prince then...Huh? You liked it?!

KOU brought a book of short stories over to your house. He was super excited to be able to stay the night.

Unfortunately for him, you had the same book and it just so happened to be your favorite!

Kou told the story as it was written for a bit.

Until he got to the end.

The story was meant to end with the prince marrying a princess but Kou couldn't bring himself to say it. Perhaps it was because he was never the prince. He was always second.

But it seemed that you didn't mind. It does get a bit boring reading the same story over and over again, and you did like listening to Kou talk.

"I'm...really happy you liked it." He says, almost struggling to get the words out as you blush and smile.

Maybe this really was his story, and that's why he rewrote the ending. Well, you can't say it's impossible for that ending to happen.

[vortex-detected]

Under the Stars

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: lee minho x gn!reader 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: angst. like. so much. but they make up at the end (kinda) so its okay. 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 900+ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: cursing. angst. im kinda projecting here but oh well. minhos kind of a idiot. jisung makes an appearance (very brief, but needa a warning in itself) 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: you try to reconnect with minho after an argument you guys had. but what happens when he just ghosts you out of nowhere?

A/N: its been.. forever since ive wrote. hello? im sorry it took me so long. ive been in a horrific writers block, but in honor of skz's new comeback and collision having me on a chokehold, you get this. this song is heavily inspired by collision, as its my favorite from the album. this was rushed and is probably really bad, but i kinda liked how it turned out. its also not edited so sorry for any mistakes. anyway stream 5 star and have a good day/night loves!! <3

“Minho..?” You wait for a split second, expecting a response. But you quickly realize it’s a voicemail again. “It’s… It’s [Y/N]. I know we left off on the wrong foot. The… very wrong foot. I just… needed space. And a lot of it. What you had said back there was hurtful, but I’m willing to forgive you, Minho. You just have to pick up. That’s all you have to do,” your breath hitches, you let out a sigh, trying not to cry. “I… really miss you, Minho. I miss everything about you..” a sob can be heard over the phone. “J-Just call me back… o-or text me back. Goodbye, Minho.” With that, you hung up the phone. Waiting for him to listen to the voice message.

And the voice message he heard. He heard all of the ones you left. It was eating him alive. The boys did their best to reconnect you two, but Minho refused. Many. Many times. “Jisung, you know I just… I don’t deserve them after what I said-” “Dude, you realize they’re willing to forgive you… right?” Jisung adds, “Just… call them back. Once. Explain what went through your head.” At that, Minho rolls his eyes. “So what, ‘Hey, [Y/N]. I’m sorry for calling you a clingy asshole and someone who disrespected my boundaries for their own pleasure because-’ you get the point, Jisung.”  “But you didn’t mean it… did you?” Jisung asks. “No of course not!” he explains. “Problem solved! See? I’m so good at relationship advice.”

--------------

That was two months ago. Two. Long. Months. It affected Minho a lot. He almost called you one day, but decided against it. His insecurities finally eat him up. He had to do something before it got worse. He was a fucking idiot and he knew it. You kept leaving voice messages for him, and then, it hit him.

You really did want to talk to him.

It took him two months of voice messages piling up, waiting for the day you called him baby again. Like you always did. He missed your voice. And not over the phone. He breathes in deeply as he dials your number. Waiting for you to pick up. 

Except… you never did. Now it’s time for Minho to leave the voice messages. “[Y/N]... I’m such a fucking idiot-” He laughs at himself. “I… was too scared to call. Thinking you didn’t want to talk to me ever again. I thought all of these voice messages were stupid fucking pranks. That you were… fucking with me. I was stupid to call you what I did. I know you were just worrying about me and I’m.. really fucking sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long, but please… I want to try again. I’ve been going insane without you.” he sniffles slightly, not really wanting to have a heart to heart over the phone. “Can… Can you meet me at our star gazing spot..? We can talk it out under the stars.”

--------------

Minho waits under your tree. Our tree, you called it. He doesn’t want to taint it as much as hes already tainting it. He’s been there for a good while now. Maybe you didn’t get his message. Had you blocked him? Maybe you chose to ignore it. His thoughts are cut off by a soft “M-Minho…?” He whips around to the sound to see you behind the tree. You smile widely at him, but it's a sad smile. He smiles back the same smile. “Hi…”

You don’t give him enough to talk as you wrap your arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. “D-Don’t you… ever. fucking ghost me again-” He rubs your back as you cry onto his shoulder. “I-... I won’t. I’m sorry, love.” He realized what he said, ready to apologize, when he hears you giggle. “I missed that… I missed you, Minho.” you say, calming down as he rubs your back. “I missed you too…”

You let go of him, sitting in front of him. “I’m glad you finally decided to come out. I’ve… I’ve been here ever since the break. I come here everyday.” you confess. Minho stares at you wide eyed, blinking a couple of times. “Really? So I could’ve just gone here and you would’ve been here?” You nod your head. “God, I’m such an idiot.” he shakes his head in disbelief. “It’s okay, baby. We all have those moments-” His head perks up at that. “God how long I’ve waited for you to call me that… but I don’t deserve it. Not yet.” he stands up. “M-Min… Don’t leave-”

He never planned on leaving. “[Y/N]. I’m so sorry-... I should’ve never said anything I said that night. I didn’t mean a word of it. I was just so fucking stressed and I took it out on the first thing that tipped me over the edge. And… I guess it was you. I don’t really remember what you did, but I’m just…” he holds your hands in his, as he stares at you in the eyes. “I’m so. Fucking sorry. I don’t want to… I don’t want to be the one to destroy our relationship. I-... I can’t. I’d feel like shit if I truly did. Let me make it up to you… Let me start fresh, okay?” He stares at you, hoping you would take his apology. 

“I would love that, Minho.”

[elhopper1sm]

Overprotective!Jopper x Suicidal! GN Reader

TW: Angst. Like really angry. Mentions of self harm. Overprotectiveness to the max. General depression and self neglect. Binge drinking mention and substance use mention. Mentions of food and weight. Drunk driving(no one gets injured luckily)

Also use of the term honey as a nickname from both of them instead of y/n. Or both actually.

You started behaving strange. You were binge drinking more often. Not just a beer after work or something. But like really drinking a lot. You acted more reckless. You slept all day and got no sleep at night. You were easily angered. You felt guilty because you didn't understand why doing simple things around the house or asked to do simple things made you so angry. You would spend more time alone. Reading or just looking for excuses to work on the car alone. Things you once liked no longer bring you joy. Hopper would hug you when you came home from work but no reaction. Joyce would bury her face in your shoulder and showered your cheeks in kisses and you'd look at her stone-faced. You weren't sad. It was worse you were numb. Everyday dragged on and on. You stared at clocks waiting for it to be time for you to sleep. You felt almost alien. You couldn't stand the thought of food. There'd be times dinner would be served and you'd just stare at a full plate absolutely zombified unable to even conceptualize eating. Yet somehow you still gained weight. The only time you did eat it was junk. That was the only food that brought you joy. Eating a proper meal felt like torture. It got to the point. You wouldn't even sleep next to Joyce and Hopper. You'd sleep alone on the couch listening to the sound of the TV. That is if you even bothered to sleep at all. You acted fine. You tried to. Tried to smile at them. And act like you enjoyed hanging out with them. But you felt guilty you couldn't fake it anymore not for much longer. One night you went for a drive . Only problem is you were noticeably intoxicated. You went at night because you didn't want anyone else to get hurt. Just wanted to hurt yourself. You grabbed your jacket and it must've been two in the morning. You drove. As you drive around Hawkins Indiana. You were stopped by Officer Callahan

"Hello. Uh we're gonna have to ask you to step out of the car. We're gonna need to see one license and registration" Officer Callahan spoke

You stepped out of the car . Handed the officer your license. The second you step out the car Callahan notices you're wasted

" Oh Y/N Y/L/N. We're gonna have to take you to the station" Officer Callahan replies

On your way to the station. They discover this is your first offense. You don't have any history of bad driving or any serious misdemeanors.

" Is there anyone you'd like to call to come pick you up? Since you're clearly not capable of driving yourself back home" Office St. Louis asked

"My wife. Joyce Byers" You replied

As she buried her way there after hearing what happened. The second you got home her and Hopper chewed you out

" Honey. What the hell were you thinking? Drunk driving at 2 in the morning???? At this time of night when you can barely see. You could've gotten killed" Joyce screamed.

"Yeah I don't know what's gotten into you. Just last week you were yelling at us for hugging you. What the hell has gotten into you!" Hopper was even louder clearly very disappointed.

"Oh fuck off! And get off my case" You replied. You snarled as you spoke. You hated them. Not because they were bad to you. But because they were so wonderful. Because they're the only things keeping you alive. And you wanted to leave without feeling guilty. Because if you pushed them.away you'd have nothing to stay for and you wanted to go in peace. To pass away

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Joyce asked. Extremely concerned. She'd never seen you like this before.

You got anxious wondered if the kids could hear. You realized you needed to lower your voice as to not disrupt them. You didn't want to put them through that kind of pain you knew what it was like.

"Nothing. Can't I just make stupid decisions once in a while? Jeez get off my case. I'm not a toddler" You responded

"It's not about stupid decisions. You could've gotten someone killed. You could've gotten yourself killed. You could have died. Do you understand? Now tell us right now why you did it because we're not leaving you alone until you do. And its not like you can just drive off because your license has been confiscated by the Hawkins PD." Hopper demands an answer. Almost foaming at the mouth for one.

"Ok fine you wanna know. I was planning to die. Crash into something. That's why I went at the dead of night. Where no one else would be. So no one could see me. Maybe go into the next town over and crash my car so I could rest in Peace. So no one would no how bad I felt. I just wanted to feel peace. Ok? Are you happy now?" You tried to be mindful of raising your voice the kids were asleep and you didn't want to disturb them. But you felt frustrated and angry. You were already crying. And drunk so it's not like logic would get thru to you.

Joyce immediately wrapped her arms around you and held you. Running her fingers thru your hair.

"Honey is that true? Do you mean that?" Joyce asked as her voice trembled. She held you closer. Already crying

You felt guilty seeing her cry this is the opposite of what you wanted.

"Yeah it's true. I'm sorry. So so sorry. I didn't intend for this to happen. I just I felt so horrible. And now I feel even worse. You all loved me so much. And I destroyed it by being a prick" You kept talking feeling overwhelming guilt.

Hopper walked over to you and tried to get you to look at him. You'd been avoiding his gaze. He'd been crying. And he rarely ever cried. Not since he lost Sarah did he cry that intensely. And you hated yourself more than ever. You felt so upset. You made them cry. And what if your kids wake up? And you bring them into this mess as well. You failed and being a partner and a parent. And you failed at your own death. You're an idiot and everyone else is paying for it. You cried. Silently because you couldn't handle waking up the kids. You held onto both of them. And you were so irritable it hurt. You cling to the for safety and held them close.

"Honey do you wanna tell us how long you've felt like that?" Joyce asked.

"I guess a few months ago. I just don't remember what happened. I just remember feeling guilty and it ate me up inside. I got lazier and it felt harder to do anything. And I was angry at the both of you for being so sweet to me. I just...." You looked up at Hopper and Joyce and tried to avert your eyes away from their gaze.

Hopper wipes the tears away.... To face you again.

"Y/N why didn't you tell us?"Hopper asked

"I felt guilty. I didn't want you to care or stop me. I felt horrible. And like I wasn't supposed to be around. I don't know how" You kept clinging to both of them for warmth and they gave it to you.

"Honey. Did you do any reckless things before today like things we should know about" Joyce asked politely still holding onto you.

"I uh cut myself. All on my thighs. I didn't want anyone especially the kids to see. I didn't want to be worried. Also scratching my thighs until they bleed. I would reopen old wounds." You said to her you didn't wanna lie. You already felt guilty enough

Hopper looked extremely distraught as he looked closer at you. He saw you had serious eye bags and your teeth were yellowing. You were wearing a jacket even though it was hot in the room probably iron deficient

"Jeez how'd we not notice sooner. You've been drinking more. You've been acting reckless. You're getting like no sleep. You don't eat enough. Your teeth are yellowing. I'm sorry honey we didn't notice." Hopper grabs your hand and takes you to the bathroom.

Joyce Follows him. They scrub your hair clean and comb it. And condition it and use dry shampoo. They help you brush your teeth. They clean your cuts and wrap new bandages around you. Throughout the next few weeks They continue looking after you. Reminding you to brush your teeth. Or eat. Something. Bringing you snacks at work. And helping you get ready for bed. You feel like a toddler again but it feels nice. Being tended to and cared for. In some strange way you feel nice for the first time. They lock away anything sharp or potentially dangerous even forks. And they keep the alcohol in a special cabinet you can't access. They drive you to and from work since you've gotten your license suspended. They always make sure you sleep near the and make sure you sleep as much as you need. Even having you call out of work if they feel you haven't slept enough the night before. They make you breakfast and dinner and make adjustments to any meal they need to as long as you promise to eat something. And they offer to clean any new injuries you may have given yourself without judgement.

"Honey I hope you know that you're going to get better ok? We promise we'll make you better. It's just a matter of time. No one here is gonna hurt you. We promise" The both say in unison before kissing you on the cheek.

[moonspirit]

Oh damn it’s me again… ANYWAY

Here’s what i think vbeow’s characters’ fav Lana song would be(plus some lyrics):

Armin: “lust for life” feat The Weeknd

“We’re the masters of our own fate, we’re the captains of our own souls, so there’s no need for us to hesitate……and a lust for life keeps us alive”

Annie: “video games” (yeah she’s that girl)

“It’s all for you everything i do, I tell you all the time heaven is a place on earth with you, tell me all the things you wanna do, i heard that you like the bad girls, honey is that true?”

Pieck: “Salvatore”

“Catch me if you can, working on my tan, Salvatore, dying by the hand of a foreign man happily, calling out my name in the summer rain, ciao amore, Salvatore can wait, now it’s time to eat soft ice cream” (said foreign man being Jean)

Jean: “ride”

“I hear the birds on a summer breeze, i drive fast, I am alone at midnight, been trying hard not to get into trouble but i got a war in my mind, so i just ride”

Connie: “dark paradise”

“Every time i close my eyes it’s like a dark paradise, no one compares to you, I’m scared that you won’t be waiting on the other side”

Reiner: “summertime sadness”

“Kiss me hard before you go summertime sadness, i just wanted you to know that baby you’re the best”

Bonus: Annie and pieck also really love “national anthem” and “born to die”

These fit so much in my opinion!

Hello again!

Omg tho I reaaaaaally like Lust for Life??? It has suuuuch a good melody and build-up!!! I can really see Armin standing on the hilltop to this music, wind ruffling his hair as the sun sets T^T 10/10!

And Annie... oh she's melancholic isn't she xD She's got everything going for that vibe too - I love it! But... what I love most about this song is how well it goes with the previous one? They fit together like a glove, and I listened one after another xD Man, they're a match made in heaven even through Lana songs.

Ride for Jean goes sooo well with his image lmao xD He wants to be that impeccably dressed bad boy (well, kinda) and the beat of the song gives it to him! But the slightly sentimental melodies are true to his "actually-I'm-just-a-soft-guy-pretending-to-be-tough" thing.

The real star in this list is Pieck! Salvatore is soooo glitzy and extra! Of course she'd listen to this lmao, in her extra personality and extra dress xD RIP Jean.

Connie's actually makes me think of when he misses Sasha and his family :< Esp "there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody" argh... aaaargghhhh poor boy T^T His pain is easily overlooked.

And Reiner...

Yeah. Checks out.

[girlygirlpeepee]

Simon Riley x Reader

Hello hi this is my first time..um writing like ever soo don’t hate me too much, but this was just the top of my head with no spelling checks or whatsoever but constructive feedback would be appreciated cause idk what I’m doing thanks :))

ALSO I LOVE THIS MAN SO ❤️💀

Tags: mentions of sex, sad towards the end kinda idk

Tonight your big beefy husband that’s wearing a tight neatly fitted shirt with his huge arms comfortably wrapped around the shirt you bought him, basically eye-fucking you from across your friends home welcoming party.

As he downs his bourbon he stalks his way over to where you’re stood in a gorgeous sleek dress that shows off your curves, he loves so much.

You could feel it. You could feel it since you scurried off to chat and drink with your girls, his eyes, his presence, his existence made you feel safe and alive. Heck that’s why you married him.

“Excuse us” Ah there it is, his intrusion you didn’t even realise how he silently managed to disrupt your thoughts (one of his strengths as your husband I guess) excusing yourself and rolling your eyes you finally turn to him and- Fuck. That’s what you want him to do to you. But nonetheless you snap back to reality “what is it Simon” .

“Dance with me”

What is he playing at you wonder, your Simon would never in a million years dance, let alone in front of people. His hands slither around your waist pushing yourself chest to chest with your husband while you stare at him with confusion.

“Simon stop”

“No”

“Simo-“

“If there was no one here I would fuck you so hard right now” he whispers, you let out a quite gasp, not wanting to listen. “Watch it Riley, flirting will get you nowhere” you stare at him with surprising confidence considering what he just revealed “I wanna bury my head and eat your beautiful sweet cunt for hours” “ make you scream my name over and over” whispering into your ear. Now you barely noticed how heavy your breathing has become, but still trying to keep composure at your friends house you retaliate.

“Well you can kiss your thoughts away because you’re not getting me tonight” you whisper to his lips.

“Are you still ma-“

“Very”

“Love I didn’t kno-“

“Well you should’ve known” uh yes the pitty argument you had before attending the party, reminding you of the pain of losing your favourite pair of slippers. Now you pout at the idea of walking around bare in the house.

Remembering the pain you ask “simon how could you”.

And he has the audacity to roll his eyes subtlety almost wanting to pinch his bridge but chooses against it, still holding you while you both sway on the couple’s dance floor “I’ll make it up to you in bed how about that”

Oh fuck this man, because now he realises you’re borderline pissed he just offered sex to relieve your heartbreak, glaring at him you roughly whisper “you’re sleeping on the couch” before storming off leaving him alone.

The ride back home was a silent one, upon arriving you change and swiftly do your nighttime routine, Simon’s baffed by everything he’s witnessing but best thinks to just be silent- almost scared you’ve decided you ignore him, him and you both know the argument was so stupid but his anxiety couldn’t let up. So after his shower he grabs his pillow and a blanket and silently walks into the living room not trying to disturb your slumber.

Simon: going to sleep sad and hard smh :(

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 13 (Hello I hope someone is listening)

"Morning Death boy."

"What time is it?"

"Eight o'clock I the morning."

"Goodnight Giraffe."

"Get up, we're getting breakfast."

"Let me sleep."

"Nope." Nico was refusing to get up so Will decided to do the only logical thing and pick him up.

"Put me down Solace."

"Don't think I will Death breath."

"That's a new one."

"Thought of it on the spot."

"Good for you Sunshine, now put me down."

"Not a fan of that idea." Will ran, carrying a very pissed Nico. "Hey Percy."

"Hi Will, should I ask why you're carrying Nico and also how you haven't gotten murdered yet?"

"Well he wouldn't get up so it was to only logical solution."

"Fuck you." Nico muttered,

"I wish you luck on not getting murdered."

"You know I could just shadow travel away?"

"No you quite literally can not, it would kill you."

"Great."

"Neeks."

"Do you have a death wish Will?"

"He's harmless."

"I have killed people William."

"I can confirm this, I was nearly a victim."

"Let's not forget you also tired to kill me."

"Why are you two trying to kill each other?"

"We don't talk about that."

"He's annoying as fuck." Percy and Nico said at the same time, locking eyes with each other, leading to a mildly concerned Will.

"Okay.... I'm going to pretend this never happen." Will placed Nico on the floor.

"Finally."

"Di Angelo, me and Jason-"

"-Jason and I."

"Not you to, same thing. We have decided to kidnap you, you're finally joining us on the big three table."

"Why exactly?"

"You'll get lonely."

"I'm perfectly fine being alone."

"Too bad, sucks for you."

"Stronzo." Nico muttered under his breath before waking off to join Jason, Percy went to follow him but Will pulled him back.

"Make sure he eats three full meals a day, shove it down his throat if you have to. I'm not joking, if he's refusing to eat or drink hold him down and make sure he eats for the next few months. I don't know how he's still alive at this point."

"I'll make sure he eats; mate you alright? Your eyes are bloodshot, when's the last time you slept?"

"A few days ago, I'm fine."

"A few days?! Mate, you need to sleep."

"I'll survive, pure chaos in the infirmary. Oh, don't tell Nico this but, you know how Aphrodite kids can speak French because it's the language of love? I can speak Itallian because it's the language of music, so if you were wondering, when he walked off he called you an asshole."

"Eh, not surprising. I'll catch you around Will."

"Yeah see you round." Willl walked off to join his siblings at the Apollo table.

***

"Don't think we didn't hear that, you're taking today off and no night watch until Tuesday." Kayla said pulling Will down and shoving a piece of toast in his hand, "And you're eating breakfast today, you've skipped it for a week."

"I've been busy."

"Would you like me to show you a list of every single person you've told to stop skipping meals? Let me start the list, Nico, Selina, Leo, Beckendorf, Annabeth, Michael-"

"Okay, okay you win. But I can't take the day off-"

"Not optional, go pine over Nico for the day or something. Maybe even, you know, sleep? Can't remember the last time you did that, more than a week."

"Oh shut up."

"Actually, I have a great idea." Austin interrupted, "Go talk to Cecil and Lou Ellen, they tired to kidnap you many, many times."

"Shit, yeah I should probably go talk to them." Will tried to get up but was held down by his younger siblings,

"Not so fast, you're still eating breakfast." After being force fed three full plates and swearing on the river of Styx that he would get eight hours of sleep that night he was finally allowed to leave.

***

"Finally, we missed you. We've been waiting for you to get off work for the past week." Lou Ellen said punching him in the arm.

"I should probably tell my siblings the kidnapping's off..."

"The what?!"

"Well me and Cecil tried, but Kayla found out we were coming and stopped us."

"So then I thought if I got the rest of the Hermes kids in on it they couldn't stop all of us."

"Of course you did."

"Well you're always in the infirmary."

"I've been busy for a few days, that's all."

"Well I know you haven't slept properly for the last eight days, and that you always insist on taking night watch."

"And anything difficult, and Nico."

"So? I'm fine, just busy."

"You're overworking."

"No I'm not."

"Will when was the last time you took a break?"

"Last year, Michael and Lee's funeral, I took half a day off."

"You can't do that to yourself."

"I can't let Kayla and Austin burn themselves out."

"Gods, I can't do this right now. I'm going to trust your siblings to talk some sense into you; want to go steal something?"

"I'm down, we just need to be back by three. In time for the thing." Lou Ellen smirked,

"Ohh rightttt."

"What did you do?!"

"You'll find out Sun boy."

"I'm scared."

"You should be."

***

_______

I wonder, if nobody is listening to my voice. Am I making any sound at all?

I hope you're prepared for what's coming soon.

[angelofverdum]

BEYONCE by Beyoncé

I've been listening to this album none stop and I don't know why.

Since March I've been going From Las mujeres ya no lloran to Cowboy Carter nonstop, they got me like

But I said mmm let me go listen to these two queens' whole discography, after I finished I went back to Beyonce's self-titled and I'm stuck there.

The first time I heard a song from this album I was still learning English, so I was like what the hell is a "Partition". I know I know, but I was tiny with pure thoughts.

I barely remember when the album dropped but the world was in shambles, I wasn't a fan then but I liked some of her songs, mostly the singles.

Everybody was talking about Partition because of the damn chair, but to me, the song sounded crazy like the rhythm was wrong, idk what it was but I didn't like it.

But I kept coming back to Partition even tho it sounded weird to me, but I was like this this:

Anyway, BEYONCE is the album that made me a fan, a few years later tho, I knew more english and I've matured. I listened to the album again and realized what a masterpiece that album is.

It's my favorite album from her, all the albums that have come after are probably better because Beyonce keeps growing as an artist and even today she hasn't peaked which is scary but BEYONCE is like an after and before of her career.

It feels like she said fuck commercial success, and I know she's been saying this since 4, but what she did was very risky and she made history.

BEYONCE is my favorite album because she was having fun, being horny, bisexual, and got a bob, how can I not love this album.

Like did she need to do all of this? no, but she did and we are thankful.

So I'm gonna talk about every song in her album because I feel like it

1. Pretty Hurts.

I think this is her weakest opening for an album. It's not one of my favorite songs from her in general but it's not a skip like people like to say, and somehow set the tone for what the album is. Also watching Beyonce throw up was shocking to me as an easily impressionable young girl.

2. Haunted.

Probably one of her less commercial songs but a masterpiece nonetheless. It's so so SO good, I wish I could eat this song. "Working 9 to 5 just to stay alive" She is so right for that and "Probably won't make no money off this, oh well" with the ghostly voice. A masterpiece through and through. "My wicked tongue where will it be". One of my favorite videos too.

3. Drunk in love.

Beyonce is a very horny person she put all of that in her art but when she sings with Jay-Z I feel they often get too close to giving too much information bc why was Jay saying they conceived Blue in Paris at the OTR tour? Me, personally I didn't need to know. Anyway, this song is a hit, it's better than Crazy in Love (a timeless hit) but not as good as Deja Vu.

But hello? The surfboard line and the "your breastesses in my breakfast" line. Just horny people and like he said "My wife Beyoncé, I brag different" I'll be like that too.

Also, this iconic dance that I have to do every time I listen to the song

4. Blow.

Her horniest song until now when she released Desert Eagle. "Can you lick my skittles in the middle" "Pink is the flavor" "I can't wait 'til I get home so you can turn that cherry out" the whole song is crazy and the best part she doesn't even say a bad word or an explicit phrase.

Well, "Gimme that daddy-long stroke" is kinda nasty. Also, what does she mean by this?

Does she want to taste that pink flavor? Ok BIyoncé

5. No angel.

In this song, Beyonce is saying that no one is perfect, not even her, and that if you are in a relationship you have to work hard and fuck harder

"Stop actin’ so scared, just do what I tell. First, both of my legs go back on your head. And whatever you want, yeah, baby, I’ll bet it comes true"

And we should listen bc that's on 16 years of marriage

6. Yonce/Partition

The best song on the album. The badassery in Yoncé. The bisexualism that is the video. One of the best bars ever written for a song "I sneezed on the beat and the beat go sicker". The song is so perfect and sexy and nasty. "I don't need you seein' 'Yoncé on her knees"

In this song, she is supposed to be singing to her man about having sex in a car but she is also fantasizing about a threesome with another woman "The kind of girl you like is right here with me"

She had a woman liking her neck, appearing from between their legs and touching her sensually. Oh, Partition you'll always be famous.

7. Jealous

This is the kind of song that made me wonder how much of this was biographical and how much was imagination. Here she talks about waiting for him at home and she says something similar in Lemonade. I don't want to repeat myself but I really love this song. It's just so good.

Also wtf Jay? She is in her penthouse half-naked, cooking a meal for you naked. So where the hell you are?

8. Rocket

I think this one is the only song I had trouble liking it. And I know now that is a good song, don't love but I like it enough to not skip it. Beyonce asks from the jump if she can sit her ass on you. What's not to like? She is guiding you through the whole song"Hard rock, Steady rock" and "Got me screaming to the lord" I just know she has Jay tired.

9. Mine

This song is so good that I can listen to Drake's annoying ass. I wish it was her voice only. Her part is so good "I'm not feeling like myself since the baby" "Me being wherever I'm at worried about wherever you are" also "Alone in my place my heart is away" You'll crumble Sean Carter for making her feel this way.

10. XO

It's crazy how this song makes me feel so nostalgic. It's like it brings happy childhood memories. That kind of feeling makes me love and appreciate this song so so much.

11.***Flawless

She went to the studio mad as hell, ready to invent feminism to tell the haters fuck you.

12. Superpower

The most underrated song on the album. Still relevant to this day. Pharrell and Boots did their thing with this one, and Beyoncé of course. And the social implications, the feminism, the iconism, the cultural significance of this moment right here:

Destiny's Child, you are so loved by me.

13. Heaven

Heaven makes me so emotional. Letting go someone you love is not an easy thing to do. Boots is pretty good at what he does.

14. Blue

The iconic Blue Ivy Carter. Imagine your mom is Beyonce and she writes one of the most beautiful songs for you. It's not my favorite song and it's definitely not her best close song for an album (That goes to Summer Renaissance).

Platinum edition

Yes, I'm writing about these six tracks because the cowboy lady decided that the platinum edition will be the only one available on Spotify, even tho everybody knows that the deluxe versions of an album always suck and the standards are always better.

1. 7/11

This is one of her most fun videos just laughing and dancing. However, why is she saying that she wants to "Kick it" with a girl and a guy? Also, this is the song she chose to celebrate the legalization of gay marriage in the US and this is how she perform live that damn song

Jay-z you'll pay for getting to her too young and not letting her experiment.

2. Flawless remix

Nicki did her thing she was the best rapper in town. The Beynika stans were born and they were claiming Nicki and Bey were in love. Fanfics were created. You had to be there. The song is fine. I can listen to this version or the solo version, it's the same to me.

3. Drunk in Love (Remix)

Nobody listens to this song. A skip totally. Like Kanye should just shut up, thinking he can do a decent verse next to the best rapper in the game and Jay-Z. Beyonce was wrong for inviting him.

4. Ring off

I'm not going to say anything nasty because I support women's freedom and Mama Tina getting out of her sad marriage because it was time she put her love on top.

5. Blow Remix

Shut up Pharell. Coming here to ruin a perfect song.

6. Standing on the song remix

The Creole lady said you gonna get the remix and you gonna like it. I'm giving this song its 8.5 for giving me latinyoncé.

"Mix up passion with fruit, sangria BB Cubana, ay, qué lindo ya tú sabes, camino como cocino, primo"

Grown Woman

I know this song is not a track on the album but I wanted to include it on this list because first, it's so good, and second it's fascinating how Beyonce did this for a Pepsi commercial, release a whole ass video on the visual album, and only 10 years later she put it on streaming. She is crazy.

Nothing else to add besides BEYONCÉ is so important to the music industry. It popularized visuals (She doesn't do that anymore tho) and established Friday as the official day for music releases.

After this Album Beyonce has been releasing masterpiece after masterpiece.

I'll stop yapping now after saying I love Beyoncé and we should invent immortality for her.

[hauntedwizardmoment]

HELLO, this is your open invitation to talk about any song choices or parallels on your jace-and-jaceclones playlist collection that you wish to elaborate upon, bc I've been listening to them all weekend and I'm absolutely obsessed. Incredible music selections and I'm possessed with emotions now; thank you for your work 🫡

OH MY GOD YES okay so i think i'll start with just like. the general comment that i used songs from a lot of the same artists on them because i wanted them to feel/sound similar but also have distinct vibes - i think a different mcr song appears on each one, there's jack off jill on three of them, etc.

buuuuuuut they also all have at least one pick that's wildly different that i kind of think as the standout/signature song. i wanted to represent that theyre all Of the same guy (jaceprime) but theyre different facets of him: devotion, hedonism, rage. also because i'm insane they do have an order to them and there's an arc within each one

ETA after i finished writing all of this: jesus fuck it got long i'm so sorry i'm insane

i'll go in the order that i finished them in:

for j2 (the acolyte), the vibe is probably the Most distinct from the other three, since his starts out so happy and optimistic; all the small things! baby you're a haunted house! look at these lyrics!!

theyre love songs!! ringtone, too, that's the one i think of as j2s signature song, since it's in a wildly different genre. ringtone is also where the playlist kind starts to get an inkling of despair and tragedy, too

spellbound + heaven, iowa + closer kind of make up a weird trilogy in my head of "j2's thoughts when he and porter are alone together" since it's like, feeling an inexorable pull towards him, feeling so so so weak for him, and of course: religious devotion mixed with intense horniness.

i feel the need to justify the "closer" pick for j2 and not j3, i did go back and forth on it but honestly it's like... j3 doesnt worship the same way j2 does. j2's the acolyte, not the whore. thats also why tourniquet, shame, and all again for you are on here.

lastly for j2: drowning lessons is the unofficial j2porter vegas wedding song to me. the imagery of it is so evocative. look at this.

for j3 (the whore), obviously the vibe is like, getting railed within an inch of your life. but i also wanted songs that conveyed a sense of desperation + misery and self hatred. because j3 has issues and problems.

give 'em hell kid + celebrity skin + ponyboy are like. the Fuck Me trio. j3 wants you to want him, he looks good, he knows he looks good, what are you gonna do about it? he's got a half-life of his own and he's gonna spend it with the hottest people he can.

straight to video, joyriding, and everybody's fool are what i was talking about re. desperation, misery, and self-hatred. he's never been fulfilled or felt like he has a purpose the same way j2 does. he doesnt like looking in the mirror longer than it takes to put on his makeup.

violent pornography + eat me alive are like, two sides of the same coin in my head. more Fuck Me vibes but like, this time with a definite sense of danger and obsession. obligatory choking mention. obligatory erotic cannibalism mention. these things are basically part of the starbreaker bible atp.

and for j3's signature song: living dead girl by rob zombie. he IS the living dead girl to me!! he's jace post-resurrection, trying to fill up the new void inside him with anything, be it pleasures of the flesh or just straight up flesh. he's back from the dead and he's gonna make it your problem. unlike j2's born sexy yesterday he's more like. resurrected sexy (and evil) last night.

for j4 (the devil): the main thing here was like. rebellion. going against the narrative that's trying to draw her in. she's gonna escape the cycle or die trying.

i think my favorite pulls for this were playing god, losing his touch, and going under, which in my mind made up like a trio of being fed the fuck up with someone and walking out for good. there are also a couple songs on here like dead throne and IAGTKTPOTUSOA (cant type out the song name now jic the fbi is watching) where i was like... j4 would listen to these while she's mad. she deserves to have her metal and harsh noise moment.

ofc j4 is still Of Jace so i had to include i hate everything about you, whore, and noise and kisses because unfortunately he's still attracted to porter. why is whore on here but adrenalize was on j3 (the whore)'s playlist? well. whore is WAY more of a Fuck You than adrenalize.

and j4's signature song is ofc ptolemaea. no matter how hard she fights back and how close she gets to escaping, she always ends up back at porter's side. it's inevitable.

aaaaaaaaand lastly for jace's playlist (the one): i think everyone's already noticed that half of this playlist is where the titles for my fics come from but i did want to say that explicitly.

jaceprime's playlist is very much about devotion even when it hurts. giving up parts of yourself to make someone else love you. being doomed. not being understood even by the person who knows you inside and out.

its also like. sleepless nights and waking up disoriented and unsure of who you are. feeling crushed and abandoned but too proud to do anything about it. brain stew, i slept with someone in fall out boy, and broken bones are very that.

i did include drowning lessons on this one again, i think it's the only repeat i have, and i didnt want to but man it's what i listened to while i was writing jace getting strangled to death in his marital bed so i HAD to. i also think it fits because j2 and jace are funhouse mirrors of each other and it's fun to think about how they're both interpreting the lyrics in very different ways.

for jace's signature song, it's dig up her bones. he got brought back wrong in service of an evil plan! it doesnt matter what came before, who he used to be! that jace died and now this one's here to stay. it's similar to j3 on purpose, but j3's more jennifer check while jaceprime is more bride of frankenstein.

lastly, white crosses is kind of the bookend to this whole deal because of the i'll make my way back home to you chorus. that's very starbreaker to me. at the end of the day, theyre each others' homes. theyre all they have left, even if they hate it.

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep14!

Woke up at like 12:10 something,, didn't get my usual "waste 2-3 hours to mentally prepare myself" so I jumped right into it once I made my coffee (bad idea)

Once again recorded my reaction so actual screaming will be under the cut!

SERIOUSLY HOW THE FUCK DO WE HAVE ONE FUCKING EPISODE LEFT?! HELLO?!?!

Anyways-

Incoherent screaming and spoilers under the cut!

Why the fuck are they going into this with like no backup and like,, they're just fucking jumping into it. Like I understand because Omega but like CMON guys. This happened before!!

Click here to hear my actual live reaction to the episode

Fuck, this armor is kinda growing on me

seriously what the fuck are they going to do with rampart?? he's literally dead weight

He makes for really good comedic relief though and he had me fucking dying this entire episode

WHO THE FUCK REPORTED THEM?!? DID I MISS SOMETHING?? LIKE I GET THAT THEY KNOCKED PEOPLE OUT AND SHIT BUT YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT PEOPLE RECOGNIZED THEM AND DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING UNTIL LATER OR WHAT?!!

Also the fact that they KNOW they're coming. fucking HELL the odds are stacked up against them

THE KIDS :(( Omega having to tell them what "cover me" means and them doing their absolute best to do so

ECHO MY BELOVED <33

Echo in the stormtrooper armor I'm

He has a hand now - "Thanks for the hand" - my comedic genius

IS THAT THE FUCKING ZILLO BEAST!??!?! FUCKING FINALLY!!! NOW WHEN THE FUCK IS IT GOING TO EAT HEMLOCK?!?!?

I miss Batcher :( Where is she? Is she safe? Is she alive?

Crosshair shoving Rampart around <3

"I've changed" - "Sure you have" WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT RAMPART SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

Rampart acting like he knows Crosshair, fucking no you don't, just because you disrupted his meals like twice a day to call him to the principal's office doesn't mean SHIT

I love Echo so much, he's so cool

ECHO AND EMERIE TEAM UP

THE WAY THAT I SCREAMED BECAUSE AAAAAAAAA

OMEGA TALKED ABOUT THEM :( AND EMERIE LISTENED :( AND EMERIE REMEMBERED ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT WAS ECHO :( RAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I need to kick Rampart so badly, please, please let me kick him

"we can't use blasters i'll give away our position!" - AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE WONT?!?!

WRECKER OH MY GOD GOT FUCKING SLASHED HE BETTER BE OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

HELLO?? Rampart getting his fucking ass found. What are they going to do with him now? What can he tell them that they don't already know??? I guess Echo but like-

To anyone who is starting to like Rampart STOP. Because watch him be the Saw Gerrera of this season

Cannot wait to see the kids break out and release the zillo beast <3

Emerie :( "I was doing my job" EMERIE MY LOVE THERE'S MORE THAN THAT

I'm so scared for her now SHE'S REALIZING THERE'S MORE TO LIFE AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKING DIES-

WHERE THE FUCK IS C-2X OR WHATEVER THE FUCK???? I'M LOSING HOPE FOR A TECH REVEAL. FUCKING HELL I MISS HIM SO MUCH. THIS WHOLE FUCKING SEASON WITHOUT HIM??? RAUUGHHHHHHHH.

This episode was just fucking,,, stakes stakes stakes

Did not get a rest

holy shit

Emerie and Echo are fucking MOTHERS love them

ECHO HAS FUCKING EARS?!?!?!?!?!?!? OK NOW GIVE HIM HIS HAIR AND COLOR BACK!!!!!!

Craziest fucking thing to come out of this season - Echo having ears

LOOK

a lot happened

i'm so scared for next week

this whole episode was fucking action, action, action

WHY DID IT FEEL SO SHORT

SO MUCH HAPPENED BUT AT THE SAME TIME NOTHING HAPPENED????

Ugh

More thoughts are in the audio because I go on like a 13 minute rant but

FUCK <- my final thoughts

[kristiemewisstan]

The Tortured Poets Department Unhinged First Listen Review:

Fortnight-

NEEDS MORE POSTY, we love a “I wanna kill her”, this one MIGHT BE about Matty Healy lol “I touched you for only a fortnight”

The Tortured Poets Department-

“WHO USES TYPEWRITERS ANYWAY” YOU BITCH ITS YOU LOL, Charlie Puth name drop 🤨 oh god so many name drops, THIS BRIDGE, not the wedding ring…

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys-

THERE WAS A LITANY OF REASONS WHY WE SHOULDVE PLAYED FOR KEEPS THIS TIME my jaw literally dropped the entire last verse

Down Bad-

“Everything comes up teenage petulance” this one is cringy but in a way I love, Taylor Is Very Much A Down Bad Girlie

So Long, London-

this song is tachycardic I PROMISE I MADE THIS JOKE BEFORE “STOPPED CPR”, two graves one gun I SWORE THAT YOU LOVED ME BUT WHERE WAS THE CLUES damn she’s really sad to lose London huh

But Daddy I Love Him-

this would have a cool music video “she’s was chaos he was revelry” this is if red and the 1975 had a child that’s the vibe

Fresh Out the Slammer-

Okay so this is the “I just realized how bad this relationship truly was and thank god I’m out of it”, okay the weird slow down stuff wasn’t my favorite thing

Florida!!!-

I’m cackling, THE FLORENCE VERSE IS SO GOOD I think that this is just a Florence and the machine song it sounds so like them

Guilty as Sin?-

Okay this is the first one I’ve been like “oooooo I really like this one” “what if I roll the stone away, they’re gonna crucify me anyway” DAMN some religious imagery will always get me right in the trauma

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?-

This one has a lot of the brain scratching pauses “don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth” oof this song is just really angry

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)-

Cowboy Like Me but they don’t end up happy, okay “good boy” made me giggle so apparently in a 12 year old boy

loml-

PIANO! WANT IVE WANTED THE WHOLE TIME “still alive, killin time at the cemetery, never quite buried” I’m getting a gun and flying to London, I swear “TALKING RINGS AND TALKING CRADLES 🤨” JOE ALWYN FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH “THE LOSS OF MY LOVE” COUNT YOUR DAYS JOSEPH 💀, this should’ve been track 5

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart-

hello production that is giving Barbie movie/80s vibes, this is the first one I’m certain was written recently like it was definitely written on tour, the peppy “cause I’m miserable!” Hurt Me but also same

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived-

THE BREATH ahhhhh PIANO! “I don’t even want you back I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal” okay back half of the album is eating, THE PICKUP, SPEAK NOW VIBES BUT MOM IS OLDER AND MADDER

The Alchemy-

ok ok ok “I circled you on a map I haven’t come around in so long but I’m coming back so strong” fucking meant,👌 touchdown mention lmao, okay this is SO ABOUT TRAVIS 🥹🥰

Clara Bow-

Best production on the album in the first 10 seconds, BEAUTY IS THE BEAST THAT ROSE, WAIT WHAT????? “You look like Taylor Swift” yeah queen because you are lol, It’s so people can make the audio of her singing all the album names lmao

First Overall Listen- 7/10

I was getting nervous in the front half but the back half more than made up for it

The vibe was just off at the start and honestly that’s probably a me thing and will get better with further listens

The lyrics were amazing as always

Production was okay, some of the songs were perfect and some had me going 🤨

Charlie Puth

Top 3 in no particular order (apparently I like songs that hurt me):

Guilty as Sin?

loml

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

[anbybeingcool]

thanks for the ask earlier today!!! id love to know what you think of prelude to ecstasy as well!

i loved reading about everything you had to say about the album!! i have so many thoughts but mostly its just me having my jaw on the floor and going ???!!?!!??? in my head

prelude to ecstasy- GORGEOUS! i love a good instrumental piece and this did not disappoint. will probably become my go to song when i don’t want to listen to people singing lol

burn alive- crazy how amazing this song is. there is candle wax melting in my veins??? so i keep myself standing in your flames??? oh my god crazy absolutely crazy i adore it

caesar on a tv screen- cannot lie… the first time i listened i wasn’t completely sold but then it grew on me SO MUCH!! such a fun song but also i do stare at my wall when listening to the lyrics because wow i get it so bad!

the feminine urge- god the LYRICS!!! i get it i get it so bad let me live inside ur head abigail morris PLEASE

on your side- jesus christ….. i feel like this song was made for me. the desperation the willingness to let urself be hurt by the person you love……. GET IT AWAY FROM ME! i will never recover from this song.

beautiful boy- the first time i listened to this song my jaw was dropped i was amazed i felt like i died and had gone to heaven. the vocals on this song are so crazy i am still not over it. THE FLUTE TOO!!!!! just everything about this song is gorgeous (also oh my god yeah i wish i could be a beautiful boy why would you say that???)

gjuha- i LOVE this song so much. aurora let me eat ur voice holy shit. need a ten hour version. the meaning behind the song is gorgeous (of course it is, the whole album is gorgeous)

sinner- funnest song ever oh my god. religious trauma feels cool when this song is playing! i just keep saying how crazy the lyrics are on every song but like??? the lyrics on every song are just so good i can’t shut up😭😭😭

my lady of mercy- everything about sinner applies here too! might i just also add that i LOVEEEEE the bridge. makes me go crazy every time i hear it idk just gets me! ALSO DRUMS ON THIS SONG IDK WHY BUT I LOVE THE DRUMS

portrait of a dead girl- piano hello piano i love you. i love a good lyric change and going from “if anyone could kill me it probably would be you” to “anyone could kill me and i’d never let it be you” OH MY GOD YEAH 😭😭😭 obsessed with it!!

nothing matters- SO. MUCH. FUN. have never heard a song say fuck in such an intense way before. no one is saying fuck like them!! no one is doing a lot of things like them tbh!

mirror- perfect way to end the album! i love all the instruments, the intensity of everything is sooooo good. i think it’s time to be honest with myself and just say that every song is going to have lyrics that make me go crazy. “when you drown do they know who you are?” “i’m just a mirror, i don’t exist without your gaze, i fade away” oh my god. beautiful song. way too relatable. way too gorgeous. love love love this as the last song on this album.

i’m amazed i got so many words out for this i really had no actual words outside of ‘oh my god’ for a minute!! i love this album and will be digging into the lyrics for MONTHS lol

[eleanor-bradstreet]

Have you ever imagined what conversations the four brothers had in the carriage on the way to Romney Hall?

I can imagine them amping up eachother and that's why they act a fool once they arrive.

Oh hello Nonny!

Such a fun question 😊 It's been a minute since I've read To Sir Phillip With Love with this scene, but I do recall the journey of the Bridgerton brothers is rather hilarious. I'm pretty sure Anthony and Colin are in London and realize Eloise is at Romney Hall. Off they go to collect Gregory from college because more hands make light work 😅

Romney Hall is on the other side of the country from London, so a pit stop is necessary in Wiltshire where Benedict lives. The four brothers gather at an inn with a busty tavern owner named Lucy. (I'm withholding commentary about how this impacted Gregory's development 😅) After ogling her...tureens for an evening, I believe the four of them set off on horseback to storm the castle and rescue their sister.

Idiots, the lot of them. Gregory is just excited to be cutting class and doing something violent with the big brothers. He's likely badmouthing the complete stranger Phillip Crane and exaggerating all the ways he's going to turn him into jelly.

I'm sure Anthony is in 100% dad-with-a-shotgun mode, galloping along at the front of the pack, telling Gregory to simmer down but also delighting in the imagery of everything his little brother is describing, and fully planning to enact it all upon Phillip.

Benedict is attempting to be a diplomatic peacekeeper and failing. He would move heaven and earth for Eloise but he is not naturally bloodthirsty. He's shouting over the wind, trying to get more details about what Eloise's letters said back in London and trying to deescalate everyone's mood, providing rational explanations for what may be going on but no one is listening to him. It's only when he sees Eloise's black eye upon arrival that he goes full Protective Big Brother and joins Anthony in choking Phillip's lights out.

And Colin...my answer is going to differ if we're talking about his book or show version 😅 That's because show!Colin has made a friend of Phillip. If we're looking at book!Colin, we know he just wants to go home and be with Pen. He's along for the (literal) ride because Anthony barked at him that he had to help defend his sister's honor, when Colin knows full well it's Phillip who should probably worry about defending himself from Eloise 😜 He's cold and sore and starving and could not give a jot about the details of the situation, so long as Eloise is alive and well. He knows there are too many cooks in the kitchen and is perfectly happy to let his brothers do the dirty work while he helps himself to Phillip's dinner. If this was modern day, he'd be in the corner texting Pen while everyone was in fist fights around him.

Show!Colin is a little bit different. He's probably joining Benedict in trying to prevent Anthony from popping a gasket and going fully violent on Phillip. But he's being ignored. He tries to reach Romney Hall first to warn Phillip of what's coming but Anthony speeds past him and unleashes hell. Colin joins Eloise in trying to pull Anthony and Benedict off Phillip's throat and the whole situation deescalates faster thanks to Colin already knowing him. But he's still aggravated. And he still eats the dinner. And he still just wants to go home to Pen. 😜

Thanks for the fun ask! 💙