#ALFRED PENNYWORTH IS A SAINT

[hailsatanacab]

chapter three!!

did you guys survive chapter 2? Danny did!! if only barely 😬

there's markedly less gore in this chapter, thank goodness, and now Alfred gets to explain what on earth he was thinking about signing a contract like that??? Alfred??? Explain???

[brucedefender4eva]

Jason and Bruce had an intense fight, which somehow led to an even more intense heart-to-heart

——

Jason: … *feeling awkward since he spilled his guts on how Willis still affects him*

Bruce: … *wringing his hands* I called Alfred Dad once… when I was younger…

Jason: *turns to Bruce* ?

Jason: I mean… yeah? Isn’t he basically your Dad and everything?

Bruce: *chuckles softly* Yeah, now. But definitely not back then.

Bruce: He got so… *closes eyes as he searches for the word* mad at me.

Jason: *in disbelief* Mad??? He got mad??

Bruce: Maybe that’s not the right word, but that's what it felt like. He wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks. And even after, he was… distant.

Jason: That’s so fucking cruel! Why would Alfred…? *Jason scowls but relaxes slightly as Bruce throws an arm over his shoulder and snuggles with him*

Bruce: I wasn’t allowed to go outside yet. It was still too fresh from my parents' death, and being swarmed by the media would be… bad. I was stuck alone in the manor with the only person I could talk to giving me the worst silent treatment of my life.

Bruce: Honestly, some of the things I had to go through in my childhood... I don't know why Alfred did the things that he did, or why I had to go through it. But... it happened.

——

Bruce can feel Jason get angry before he can see or hear it. He can feel how his son’s body tenses up, as if he were moments away from jumping off the couch and storming the manor to search for the old butler.

Bruce squeezed him closer and ran his fingers through Jason’s hair, wincing as he snagged a few unbrushed knots in the tangled mess.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Bruce murmured, unable to suppress the small smile that crept up on his face from the grunt Jason let out, incredibly reminiscent of when Jason was barely up to his waist.

“It’s not,” Jason argued, turning slightly and pushing his face into the crook of Bruce’s neck. “It’s not. Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bruce knows that Jason doesn’t mean the questions to sound like accusations, but he winces at the tone anyway. None of his kids can handle being left out of information, even if Bruce deemed it unimportant, like his history with Alfred.

“Alfred was put in a very… difficult position,” Bruce said slowly, tugging gently on one of Jason’s curls. “I’m surprised he kept me. I’m not the easiest person to take care of. You know how I am.”

“That shouldn’t matter if you’re a child.” Jason snapped. “It didn’t matter for you when it was me!” Jason huffed, then paused. “Right? It didn’t matter, did it?”

“I’d go back a trillion and one times to take care of you over and over again. You and all of your siblings.” Bruce chuckled. “But… I wanted you. Wanted all of you. I had a choice. I… I took that away from Alfred.”

Jason grimaces and squeezes Bruce’s hand, pulling his Dad away from the dark thoughts he was bound to fall into.

“Alfred was forced to take care of a traumatized problem child when he only signed up to be a butler. He most likely figured that my parents would shift my custody over to another branch of the family if it came down to it.” Bruce’s fingers twitched with the urge to scratch at his skin, give him something to control, unlike his emotions. “He wasn’t prepared. Who would want to take care of their dead employers' child?”

“But-“

“Alfred is only human, Jay, even if he acts like he’s not,” Bruce said firmly, tilting Jason’s head so he could look into his son’s beautiful green eyes, filled with the determination and need to defend his Dad. “I forgive him. For every mistake that he’s ever made. For all the mistakes he will continue to make. I… I love him, nothing will change that.”

Jason was silent, staring off into the distance as Bruce continued to play with his hair. He turned over what Bruce said in his mind. He could tell that Bruce still hadn’t told him everything, and maybe he never would.

“I forgive you, too.”

“You don’t have to.”

“… yeah. I know.”

[facethemuses]

being an alfred pennyworth fan is so strange because so many of you are wrong. what do you mean he's a saintly father figure there to quip at everyone and be the voice of reason???? you don't even KNOW him.

alfred 'abandoned his daughter to run off to gotham only to not raise bruce as well, who promoted all of bruce's worst habits like the #boymom he is, who chose bruce over the children but still didn't let him forget that he was not his father, who lied to the family about julia's existence and blamed her for their bad relationship' pennyworth?

I love him because he ruins everything he touches and is the world's worst father. you like him because you have fundamentally misunderstood him as a person.

you're saying THEE #1 dc toxic boy mom is a saint? what the fuck are you guys ON about?

[littlefankingdom]

I know y'all are not ready for it, but I'm this close 🤏 to hc Bruce having an eating disorder because of how strict Alfred is written about food in canon and fanon. Everyone is writing it as if it's a funny joke that the Batfam has to hide "unhealthy" snacks from him, but it's not. (Btw, just the "healthy" and "unhealthy" label are wrong and bad. Food is food.)

In the comics, Bruce will be offered a donut and think about how Alfred would disapprove and how it will harm his health, before accepting. And, sure, to live the life he lives, Bruce need to follow a particular diet. But it's just ONE donut, it cannot harm him. That's not a healthy mindset at all. The fact that Bruce, as a grown adult with kids, is thinking about Alfred's reaction to him eating a donut before accepting, vocalizing how it is against the rules, is alarming.

And maybe I would accept it, as a non-usamerican, if it was because of the toxic things they put in your food there (criminal what they make you eat), but it's never about that. No, it's about the calories and the heartburn, and "fast food and sugar" are bad, and "poor people food is bad" (Alfred's classicism is another point for another time). Alfred controls what the Wayne eat and he is very controlling about that, as the boys will also comment about Alfred disapproving something before eating it. This is some ED behavior, you shouldn't worry about food like this. And like, I'm split between being thankful neither Bruce or the kids enforce it to one another, but also being annoyed they need to remind others how "Alfred wouldn't approve" when they see them eating something not allowed.

Thinking about Dick and his cereals, especially that Nightwing (2016) page where he gets a Nightwing truck and it has a compartiment with a ton of cereals. It is a commun behavior in children who were restricted some type of food to over indulge in it once they are independent. If cereals were something Alfred was against because he finds it "unhealthy", Dick's extreme love for cereals is a red flag.

Me, talking about Bruce: The boy was mentally fucked up enough, you didn't have to give him an ED on top, Alfred!

[spooky-kakashi]

have we not suffered enough?

WHY IS HE OUT HERE LYING???!!!!!!!!!!uugghhh i hate him soo fucking much, JASON HAD A LOVING FAMILY BEFORE THESE FREAKS!!!! HE LOVED HIS CROOK FATHER AND HE LOVED BOTH OF HIS MOTHERS

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

I find with Alfred his favoritism has everything to do with how comfortable someone makes him by not having him question the world around him at all. When it comes to Jason, Jason has said things that make him uncomfortable. I remember a flashback in UTRH where Alfred is just clutching his pearls because Jason called Batman's rogues dressups because they are just a bunch of weirdos dressing up in costumes and staying in theme. He is also used to more privileged children, children that didn't just have the trauma of seeing their parents die, who still always had accessible food, a warm bed at night, a safe place to sleep. Meanwhile Jason did, Jason came from people that were criminals and I could see that history smudging the innocence of Jason in Alfred's eyes. Plus Jason is rougher, I can see Jason being someone that Alfred just tolerates at times and too upper class British to straight up say anything.

I think you're absolutely correct.

Now Alfred's backstory is inconsistent at best, but based on everything we've seen and what I personally know about British ideologies.

Alfred I think is extremely classist.

But also They have to be white and rich.

I'm sure everyone's heard of like the ideal victim or a person kind of matching trauma and I think in Alfred's mind Bruce is allowed to be a certain way and anyone else doesn't have the privilege .

Say what you will about Bruce Wayne, but he does not have the struggles that even a average person would have he will never have to worry about a bill in his life other than his parents deaths his trauma is his own making. 

Bruce did not have to be Batman so any trauma he receives from that mantle is in a way his own fault.

Not to victim blame but for the specific instance, I feel it's kind of relevant. 

But another thing about Alfred that I find very fascinating is there's always this caveat of Alfred doesn't like swearing and Jason swears so he has to put money in a swear jar that whole thing.

Which in itself, I find odd.

It is considered unbecoming or not polite to swear. 

Such an interesting stand to make because some of the most educated people or even some very powerful people could give less of a fuck about swearing.

But again, it caters to a overall picture of Alfred where if it's not clean and polished, he doesn't like it.

Personally, anytime I see like in a fic Alfred holding a swear jar and it's essentially 90% of it is Jason's money. I take a step back and the fact that the white British guy who has at his fingertips a lot of resources is making the none rich billionaire pay him money for daring to speak is uncomfortable.

Now I always hear Bruce called like the white Savior, but I actually feel like especially in the fandom that label applies more to Alfred.

Or let's talk about how Jason being angry, makes his opinion not be relevant because how dare you have a human emotion when your entire life has been traumatic.

But the worst thing about Alfred is we see it's not just Jason that makes Alfred uncomfortable. It's anyone who doesn't fit what he perceives as OK.

Bruce is rich and overall a clean cut individual so of course the British white guys fine with him.

Now you have the poor, swearing, insecure kid who is not someone Alfred might run into at a gala. 

It's very ironic that Bruce the billionaire kid that never grew up is overall more excepting of things that are different than him then Alfred who is the help.

[demon-at-peace]

Cannon vs Fannon Batfam

these are basically nothing alike, but yeah, it strays rhe most from charectors

Alfred had a daughter he ditched (I forget the specifics) and had a bunch of other moments that were iffy, actually if I remember right he's the person who put up Jason's memorial. while in fannon he's an angel, he can't do wrong,

In cannon Jason is a mass murderer a crime lord, and a drug lord. in fannon Jason is a mother hen, he's right for killing people, he wasn't in control and therefore was right. Also he's one of my favs so like my brain ignores flaws, if there are more add on.

Dick is overly cautious, in TT at least, he's a robin and therefore paranoid. In fannon he is goofy funny, ignores caution and doesn't work hard.

Tim, he's a skater boy, has friends and sleeps not a ton, but not in the negative. Fannon Tim is a caffeine addict, never sleeps is taken advantage of ect.

Damian I saw kind soul with an abusive childhood, who lashes out and doesn't understand the way things work. The worldview he was taught is twisted and he had to grow out of that. He is not a demon possessed child, he isn't a brat who doesn't understand anything.

i don't trust myself to do Duke, Steph, Cass, or Bruce, cause i don't really read fics that center around them. Like at all, so idk the fandom side of it except from Tumblr.

if you didn't guess the Alfred one pisses me of, he's not a saint! so does Damian, give me one angst fic where Damian isn't evil!

I'd love it if you'd do the others or add on, don't hate the Fannon, but it's is different.

[luis-michael6160]

When Damian Wayne Tried to Show Love and Almost Killed Tim Drake ☕❤️

[story collection] <- more stories here

🕯 Wayne Manor – February 14th, 5:47 p.m. ☕❤️

Valentine’s Day was, as always, weird as hell in Wayne Manor.

Bruce mysteriously disappeared like a Scooby-Doo villain. Alfred activated his “neutral butler mode in case of crimes of passion.” Dick would plan some big group activity that everyone would pretend to consider before bailing for emotional, operational, or disturbingly narcissistic reasons.

But this year… Damian Wayne had a plan.

One that—according to his flawless internal logic—would showcase his emotional growth and his compassion for a soul clearly rotting from the inside out.

Tim Drake.

That February, the young detective was somehow even more single than usual, with under-eye circles that defied color theory and a personality so acidic it had started to peel the tiles off the bathroom walls.

To Damian, there was only one logical conclusion: Drake needed affection.

And he knew exactly the one thing Tim actually loved.

Coffee.

So, after a logistical operation that involved encrypted emails, three international suppliers, and what could generously be described as criminal misuse of Wayne Enterprises funds, he executed his “gesture of care.”

When Tim opened the door to his room that evening, he was hit by a smell that could’ve raised the dead.

He froze.

Looked down.

And immediately lost faith in human sanity.

The entire floor—ankle-deep—was covered in coffee beans. No carpet. No flooring. Just a crunchy tide of beans from Colombia, Ethiopia, Jamaica, and at least one country Tim didn’t recognize by the flag.

Against the wall: seven industrial crates stacked into a ridiculous pyramid, each one packed with thirty bottles of cold brew. Vanilla. Espresso. Some with names in Japanese that Tim vaguely remembered seeing at illegal import fairs.

On the nightstand: a tub of coffee ice cream surrounded by energy drinks with labels so chaotic they could double as warning signs. One had a dragon made of coffee beans. Another had a label in Korean that (according to Tim’s exhausted brain) read something like: “Only one per year. With medical supervision.”

And at the heart of this sacrilegious caffeine altar: a note, written in unbelievably neat handwriting.

"Happy Valentine’s. I know this is the only thing you truly love. – D."

Tim blinked.

Then he laughed.

Then he opened a bottle.

Then another.

Then the ice cream.

And then… blackout.

Three hours and twelve minutes later, Alfred found him in the hallway, nose bleeding, muttering coordinates in Latin, and shaking like a fax machine from 2002.

“Master Timothy,” Alfred said calmly, without raising an eyebrow. “Have you consumed fourteen times the recommended daily dosage again?”

“Again?! I have reached the zenith of human perception!” Tim yelled, jaw unhinged, pupils dilated like car headlights. “I CAN HEAR THE PLANTS GROWING!”

Thirty minutes later, he was in the hospital. IV drip. Mild sedatives. A nurse taking his pulse like she was monitoring a nuclear reactor.

When Damian heard, he just crossed his arms and muttered:

“Tsk. Ungrateful.”

Dick, who had just arrived with flowers for Alfred (a yearly tradition), laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his chair.

And Bruce… Bruce read the medical report with an expression that screamed, “Why do I keep funding this family?”

“Why didn’t you just get him a card, Damian?”

Damian raised an eyebrow.

“Cards get thrown away.”

He paused.

“Coffee is eternal.”

💌 Liked this chaos? 👉 Don’t forget to like, reblog, and scream in the tags (or the replies, I read both while drinking suspicious amounts of coffee).

💬 Got thoughts? The comment section is thirsty for your hot takes, memes, or emotional breakdowns.

☕ Feeling extra generous (or just vibing with my brand of caffeinated madness)? You can fuel my next creative spiral on ko-fi — eve

🖤 Stay unhinged, stay caffeinated, and stay tuned.

[stinastar]

Bruce’s girlfriend gets accused of cheating on him with Batman after a photo is snapped of them canoodling or something after he rescues her.

GF: Can you blame me?? It’s BATMAN!! Also like. He’s not real! It doesn’t count! Reporter: Except… he… is real? He is a real person. He rescued you. ??? GF: Is he though? He dresses as a BAT. He’s… a character. A charicature. He’s not like. A real person. Reporter: Is that really how you want to speak about someone who has rescued you twice now, ma’am? GF: I didn’t tell a grown man to dress as a furry, don’t look at me. Reporter: Wait. Hold on. You—so, are you saying you’re into furries? GF: Who said that?

Alfred appears out of nowhere like AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR THAT TODAY, GOOD DAY! and yanks her away into the car.

[demonsnever-cry]

// Azina doesn't like Alfred at all she hates him if Alfred dies like in cannoc she will be like ok ? Moving on

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce is very good at taking care of his own problems. He’s always been very good at it. Adults praise him for it all the time.

But then his parents died, and Bruce feels like he can’t do anything right. He knows he can’t. After all, if he was as good as adults said he was, then he could’ve saved his parents.

He should’ve been able to save his parents.

There is a darkness growing within him. Bruce doesn’t know what to do.

——

Alfred is grieving. Alfred is grieving, and he is also very angry.

He was just a butler; why is he now taking care of his deceased employer’s child? It’s not like the Waynes don’t have any other alive family branches, like the Kanes. But no, Thomas and Martha’s will clearly stated that if anything happened to them, Bruce would stay with Alfred in the Wayne Manor.

Now he’s forced to take care of a child he never wanted. How is that fair?

——

Alfred is angry all the time now but not in the way he used to be. Bruce knows it’s because of him. Every time the older man looks at him, he gets this strange look in his eyes.

Bruce can feel that it’s a bad look.

Maybe it’s because he’s even more useless now? It’s hard to get out of bed, but it’s even harder to fall asleep.

Loud noises make him jump, and the only thing he can think about is Mommy and Daddy hitting the floor, over and over and over and over and—

Alfred accidentally dropped something in the kitchen. Bruce doesn’t really remember what happened; it gets blurry and makes his head hurt to think about it, but the next thing he knows he hears screaming.

Bruce is pretty sure it’s coming from him. It sounds like Mommy’s.

——

The kid has a hair trigger. Alfred feels like walking on eggshells. Every small thing sends him into a raging meltdown.

Several times he has to stop himself from packing a bag and escaping in the middle of the night, fleeing back to England just so things could be normal.

Bruce doesn’t even talk anymore. Before the Waynes died, little Bruce talked almost nonstop in the manor.

Now an eerie quiet fills the space unless the small boy decides to have nightmares or another breakdown.

His silence is unnerving and creepy.

——

Bruce misses hugs.

Alfred doesn’t like being touched, not one bit. Mommy and Daddy loved hugging him and kissing him and just picking him up for funsies. But now no one will touch him.

Maybe it’s because they know he killed his parents. Maybe they think that if they touch Bruce, they’ll die too?

Bruce wouldn’t be too surprised…

It’s been months. Bruce doesn’t know why he isn’t better yet, why he keeps making problems for Alfred, why he’s so different now…

——

Alfred had calmed down a lot. He partially understands why the Waynes have left Bruce in his care; that doesn’t make it any easier.

Bruce has always been a particular child. Alfred would get him tested, but high society talks, and he doesn’t want to subject the young boy to even more press coverage.

Besides, what can a shrink do for the young master? Nothing hard work can’t teach him. Alfred worked through all his problems like that, and he turned out perfectly fine.

——

Bruce doesn’t want to start going to galas again…

Mr. Mauter always gives him strange looks, and now that Daddy isn’t here to give an excuse to pull him away, he’s even more afraid.

But Bruce is supposed to be fixing his own problems now. Alfred already does too much for him; he can see how exhausted he’s making him.

He’s the man of the house now. He has to be strong.

——

Master Bruce is talking again, even if it looks like it visibly pains him. Alfred is taking it slowly. Each day he finds he has more and more patience.

He allows the small child to follow him around as he completes his daily chores; he’s yet to acknowledge it yet. The first time he said something, Bruce scampered away quickly, and it took a week for him to start doing it again.

He’s taking it slow. He doesn’t want Bruce to be afraid to ask him for help anymore.

No hugs yet, but Alfred allows himself to pat Master Bruce on the shoulder.

——

Bruce can make cookies now! Alfred taught him the most perfect way ever!

They were Daddy’s most favorite cookies. Bruce feels a painful pang in his chest as he thinks about it, something that has happened very often in the past year.

Instead of crying, because Bruce is a big boy now, he walks up the hill at the back of the manor where Mommy and Daddy now rest peacefully.

Bruce lays down two of his best cookies on a nice napkin on Daddy’s grave.

He knows Mommy wouldn’t let Daddy get hungry in heaven, but it’s always a good idea to have a nice snack just in case.

——

Alfred distances himself.

He’s getting too attached. He’s now constantly reminding himself, Master Bruce, that he is nothing more than a butler.

——

Bruce had a fever.

He was delirious, and he accidentally called Alfred Dad.

Alfred no longer looks him in the eyes.

The darkness creeps in; it is all-consuming.

——

Alfred feels bad.

He catches Master Bruce practicing his smiles in the mirror, doing his best to look normal.

It’s fine. He needs to work him harder, make him understand that he can’t show weakness. Bruce will thank him when he’s older, when he is stronger, when he is better.

Alfred turns around and pretends not to see. The next time Bruce gives him that smile, he looks like Martha and tells him that he’s fine; Alfred does not argue.

——

Bruce can see that Alfred has stopped trying with him. It hurts, but he also wonders why it didn’t happen sooner.

He drops out of school.

He can’t be a doctor, not like his father was. He’s not worthy.

Gotham is his home. It’s always been his home. But right now? It feels more suffocating than ever.

——

Alfred finds them tucked away neatly in Bruce’s desk, right next to a half empty box of razors.

He reads each and every letter, his heart growing heavier when he realizes how many years ago it started.

Each letter starts the same, always addressing Alfred and saying it’s not his fault.

He holds two identical letters in his hands.

One, only a week after the incident. The second one, dated yesterday.

Alfred puts them back and never speaks about it. He can feel the guilt crawling up his throat and trying to choke him.

He knows Bruce knows.

They never speak about it.

——

Bruce knows he is evil. There is only darkness within him. He is destined to hurt and destroy the people around him.

He has to figure out a way to contain it, to keep it deep inside before he ruins everything.

Bruce only leaves a note when he goes. It is barely two sentences. Where is he going? He doesn’t know.

The entire world is open to him.

[lesbiangeraldford]

what if alfred actually can't cook but everyone pretends to like it to make him feel good

[littlefankingdom]

Alfred still being a deadbeat dad to Julia even in Absolute Batman, where he didn't leave to raise another kid and stayed with her mother, is so important to me. It doesn't matter the universe, Alfred was never there for Julia. He is always a deadbeat dad to her. The woman deserves to get her mother's name and to dislike him forever.

[crow-batt]

“MY CHILD” 😭😭

So Batman: The Brave And The Bold #9 casually included the most emotionally devastating short I've ever seen and I'm just gonna leave a few panels here because I need you all to suffer with me. To make things clearer, Alfred narrates this whole story.

Okay sooo what if I kms. What then.

[prettiest-thing-in-the-morgue]

First of all I wanted to say I love ur writing style.

What I wanted to ask is I came across a prompt in ur asks from someone about batfam x neglected reader which u also told u would write.

I just want to know when u might write it because genuinely I loved the prompt and love to read it.

The link of the post is https://www.tumblr.com/prettiest-thing-in-the-morgue/781014256622714880/hi-i-have-a-batfam-x-neglected-reader-angst?source=share

hihi ! Sorry took so long to reply , I had a huge authors block and an unsolicited break (づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

For some reason it won't let me access the link but if I remember properly it was this ask 🎀

rushed ; cursing ; idk man , edit in honor pof fathers day lol

january marked a month of hope and prosperity , a month of new beginnigs , a shed of the old in many cultures. but to y/n wayne it marked the month of brutality and an era of neglect . she always knew her family loathed her .

cassandra and stephanie are not saints either - in fact stephanie runs a controversial podcast alongside cass where they actively debated with other celebrities - often known as the duo whom likes to instigate things. damian wayne does not have a pretty track record either - he is often every week has trending becuase news of him violently beating up another kid at school got surfaced.

wasn't of of spite , wasn't of of hatred , wasn't out of anything but pure neglect. in comparison to most of her siblings , y/n wayne actaully had a decent public appearance . something most of her family can not relater to .

she did not have have a messy social life like her father , frequent videos of him in night clubs galroe , her older brother dick who had several articles critiquing the manner he cheated on his wife , kori , the night before their wedding or jason's plathera of tabloids talking about his messy death.

tim is not safe either - you think tech genius and prodigy would keep his messy relationships under the wraps would you ? safe to say y/n wayne and duke thomas are the only two wayne family memebers with a decent background.

duke barely posts but y/n wayne is a known and well revered celebrity and lawyer. graudated from Harvard law , top of her class , known as a living legend who passed her bar exam on her first try since 1990's. not to mention she also co-graduated from harvard medicine and was already running her own firm and clinic a year after her graduation. was president for both class and student council and was captain of harvard girl's volleyball team.

y/n wayne is the girl every socilaite talks about , the girl your parents compare you too , the girl everyone wants to be , the perfect embodiment of a wayne . yet despite how good she is , her family would never like her , except for alfred.

alfred pennyworth would never say he had favorites to anyone in the family who asks him in jest but it does not take a person with a brain to figure out it is y/n wayne . the man , despite his old age would personally drive himself to harvard's campus and spend the weekend with name in her apartment that he himself bought for her because why woukd his favorite child live in a dormitory ?

the man personally meal prep a week's worth of food just for her - feigning that his baby shouldn't have to worry about meaningless work she has more important things at hand. said man attends all her events , parent meetings , her school seminars , all her speeches - he personally records for himself , graduations , personally attended her first clinic opening , met her first girlfriend in highschool , literally goes dress shopping to spa and makeup appointment because his baby just got her nails done and has a big gala to attend to why should she worry about driving when he can ?

basically y/n wayne is that man's pride and joy , if anyone walks up to this man and asks about any of the wayne children he'd give a small polite , " they're doing alright " but ask him about y/n wayne ?? that man is already pulling out his phone to show his lockscreen of him and y/n at a recent gala where she gave an opening speech and he will talk your head off about her .

safe to say y/n wayne's life at home maybe depressing but alfred made up for it. flash forward to early morning , and the news are lighting up , ' y/n wayne caught holding a child in gotham square could this be a secret wayne child we don't know of ?'

alfred practically rolled his eyes when he saw those news - it wasn't public information but y/n along with her highschool girlfriend actively run an orphanage , the reasoning why it wasn't public was because y/n wayne kept it under the wraps for the children's safety and wellbeing so her highschool girlfriend became the face of said orphanage and y/n was just a silent owner.

alfred rolls his eyes again before switching to another channel - he knows y/n wasn't waking up anytime soon because last night she not only had an emegency surgery , an unscheduled meeting with italian overseas investors for her firm but she also had an emergency enrollment . alfred doesn't know the specifics of why and how but he knows she did message him that she had been called by gordon about taking in a child last night and he assunes that was just her and the child in the pictures.

alfred sets put the tableware as the other wayne members fillter in. bruce had am angry expression and everyone else was muttering amoug themselves , " how can she shame us like that ?" , " i know she was weird but i mean.." , " such an attention seeking whore i mean whe couldn't keep it in her pants ?" , " for fucks sake shes 16 - when I was 16 i would never do that shit ".

breakfast continued on just like that , everyone murmuring and gossiping staurday morning in silk pajamas except bruce whos taken to brooding more this morning. alfred had just finished washing up before going to finish up y/n's breakfast when she walked in.

she's dressed immaculately , red ysl heels and black channel pants and jacket along with a dark maroon shirt. she wears her gold accesories , her hair is open and free , makeup minimal but beautiful as she strolls in towards alfred.

" I know such a disrespectful child like yoruself is not perading in my house when she was outside being a whore ! " bruce angerily exclaims as his eyes glare into her. y/n just stood there shocked and confused , " what are you even on about ?" she asks.

y/n embracss alfred , has not even glanced at her family - she hasn't since she was a wee naive 11 year old. " morning pa " she greeted him. alfred embraces her back , " morning hun , work meeting ?" alfred asks and before y/n can even respond bruce angerily slams his hands against the table.

damian snared , " dont pretend your not a hooker y/n your disgrace is all over the news " . " yeah y/n have some fucking class " stephanie retroted. y/n just stood there and just looked at them , " listen - i don't know what the fuck crawled up your asses this morning but i am no hooker " y/n said defensively.

bruce laughed , " shut up y/n , you've alaways been a disappointment now ? now you've surpassed it". y/n glares at him - how dare he call her a disappointment when he is one ? " yn its all over gotham fucking news how you have a secret love child no one knows about - like for fuck sake name your 16 close youe damn legs " tim yells at her.

y/n just stands there shocked and angry , " go fuck yourself " she curses before walking out , alfred trailing after her. y/n just walked straight out before walking into her red proche and speeding out of the gateway , not even stopping for alfred.

alfred sighs in disappointment but he's also furious and walks back inside , body shaking as he stands before the rest of them. " IN WHAT WORLD GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TALK TO HER LIKE THAT ?" he yelled at bruce.

bruce hides his immediate shock but yells back , " SHES A 16 YEAT OLD WITH A BABY WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO ?" . alfred can practically feel the vein in his head popping

" YOUR DAMNED DAUGHTER IS 25 BRUCE , 25 AND WAS NEVER FUCKING PREGENANT " , alfred cursed back , enraged. bruce sat back , in both shock and embrassment and the others ? well the others can only open and cllse their mouth shut . " ..25..." jason murmured as if it's unbelievable . " yes your damn sister is 25 " alfred confirms , voice angry.

" THEN WHAT ABOUT THE KID ?" Stephanie yells back . alfred practically feels himself loose more braincells , " SHE FUCKING CO RUNS A DAMN ORPHANAGE SO SPEAKING SHE HAS MANY KIDS I'D FUCKING KNOW I MET THEM ALL " he shouted back.

alfred then walks off , grabbing a suitcase along with him. " wait where are you going -" dick asks as theh watch alfred haul the suitcase into the foyer , " i'm going to stay at y/n's " and walked out.

[justiceiscalling]

wild opinion i know people will hate me for: i strongly dislike alfred pennyworth. i know what you’re thinking, “how could you hate him! alfred does no wrong!!!”

(loud incorrect buzzer) WRONG. omg, alfred can only do wrong in my mind. he is such a fucking enabler and then he wants to play devils advocate. recently, before starting ‘what the future holds’ i reread robin 1993—specifically tim’s birthday arc.

if you don’t know what that is i’ll tell you. on tim’s sixteenth someone delivers a package which is a holographic message from a future-alfred essentially telling him someone in the batfam is, like, evil, and trusting him to figure it out. eventually it’s revealed that the message was a test, part of bruce’s training, and ‘future’ alfred was actually just current alfred. it was a really good read, i believe it was issues #116-120.

point is, alfred WILLING sided with bruce on that shit. alfred was not held at gun point, his life was not under any threat, he was asked to assist and he. did. that. shit.

and after he had the audacity to be apologetic! ‘i’m so sorry master tim’ like no tf ur not???? like u did this, you allowed him to feel like everything was HIS responsibility and like he couldn’t trust anyone. which is just so fucked up on another level. he watched tim isolate himself and beat himself up over trying to solve this and he?? just?? let?? it?? happen???

and some how he can do no wrong?????

when tim first became robin, who gave him the suit? i’m pretty sure it was alfred. yes, tim was a relentless little kid—but that’s just that. he was a fucking kid, no older than thirteen. alfred gave him the suit. sure, it was to save bruce, but why did it have to be him? why couldn’t he call dick or superman or, hell, go out there himself? why’d it have to be the nosy ass neighbor?

also when bruce and dick used to beat the shit out of each other alfred didn’t do anything. he lowkey just let it happen. like how much is bruce paying bro for him to let that slide?

ALSO ALSO i would love someone to correct me on this, PLEASE tell me i’m wrong, but wasn’t alfred the one who put up the good soldier memorial? everyone hates on bruce (who, in a lot of ways, is a bad father) for that memorial being up but it was alfred. and i get he was but jason wasn’t just robin, he was so much more. and most importantly, he was a son. i know things were rocky for him and bruce but, god, that’s his son! like what the genuine fuck, yk?

and maybe this is only in some iterations but alfred literally influenced bruce to train to be a vigilante. he trained him when he was young, after his parents deaths. and yes, he was another one of those relentless kids, but there were things alfred could’ve tried to stop him from doing this.

what i’m trying to say is, im so fucking tired of this ‘saint alfred’ BS. he’s in the wrong! maybe not all of the time but a lot of the time. and i don’t know if that ‘jason loves alfred the most!’ thing is fanon or canon but either way i hate it. if you’re going to make bruce a bad dad, if you’re making jason and bruce’s relationship rocky, then alfred can’t be the exception. he should be held accountable as much as bruce.

like, if jason loved alfred so much and saw him as a grandfather, why isn’t he pissed at alfred for not killing the joker. sure he wanted bruce to do it but after bruce didn’t, why didn’t alfred take it into his own hands? alfred has no problems with killing people who deserve it. he was a soldier for crying out loud!

if jason and alfred are as close as fanon claims then jason should be beefing with alfred as much as he does with bruce for not avenging him.

okay, this turned into a rant about jason and alfred’s annoying fanon relationship but you get my point.

i don’t hate alfred, i hate fanon alfred and i hate this fandom and how they love to hold bruce accountable for wrongs that lowkey could be alfred’s fault too. and i also hate that’s it’s so hard to dislike alfred because people will yell at you for it. in my fics i try to keep him as out of it as i can because god forbid i make him how he is in the comics.

alfred is a flawed character—just like bruce and jason and tim and dick and damian and duke—and that’s okay! it’s better when they’re not so one dimensional, it makes them way more interesting as a character and also allows fanon to create perfect character development over the span of long ass fics that i love to binge.

thank you for coming to my ted talk.