#A part of me is still latching onto the fact that he’s still alive | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dadbodbuck · 5 months ago

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i had a bad day and then @tommystummy started talking about bucktommy arguments and this scenario came up and i latched onto it like a moray eel. please enjoy some raw, unedited tommy kinard angst

Tommy doesn't like talking about it. It being the roughly five years he worked under Captain Gerrard, alongside Howie and Hen, when he was deeply closeted and a major asshole. He can make his excuses, he can try to convey the feeling of looking into someone's eyes and only seeing your father's. He can admit to the humiliating nightmares he used to have of his father storming into the fire station and screaming at him. Neither of those are reason enough to be callous towards people who were being tortured in their own workplace.

Howie and Hen were much quicker to forgive him than Tommy was. In fact, it seemed like it only took one mumbled apology for them to shrug it all off. Water under the bridge, they had said. Just don't do it again.

And God, Tommy never did. After that, after finally taking his sexuality out of the box deep in the animal part of his brain, he told himself he would be different. He expected it to be hard, and on some level it was, but—

Tommy kissed a man for the first time (since high school) forty-eight hours after he was reassigned to the 217, quick and dirty in a bar in West Hollywood. Something in Tommy’s chest clicked into place when he heard the soft, deep moan of a nameless man wearing body glitter. He couldn’t go back even if he wanted to.

Before, he’d been afraid of this exact thing. He’d kept his hands to himself because he knew that his closet wasn’t resealable. It was one-and-done. Gerrard’s boys would have eaten him alive. But Howie and Hen wouldn’t. They didn’t.

It still took him a long time for him to tell them. They didn’t talk often, but they did keep in touch. Tommy owed them so many favors he’d probably be repaying them for the rest of his life, but they seemed more interested in just being his friend. A distant one, but a friend nonetheless.

Distance was fine. Distance was easy. Distance allowed for Tommy to keep his comfortable walls in place, even if he redecorated them a little.

It took him three months to realize how debilitating loneliness was. He was out, now, but without the close, albeit sterile and toxic, friendship of the boy’s club at the 118. Tommy longed for connection. He thrived on it. Something deep, and routine, and constant.

But nobody was volunteering. So Tommy resigned himself to his old hobbies, cars and Muay Thai and basketball, and introduced karaoke trivia to the routine, because he’d always loved singing but never had the guts to do it while he was closeted. It was nice. If anyone noticed Tommy’s near-compulsive schedule of activities, they never mentioned it. The years passed. Howie and Hen grew even more distant. Tommy liked their Facebook posts. He did their favors. He was still lonely, but he successfully put the version of himself he had been on a shelf in the deepest recesses of his brain, never to see the light of day again.

He was a good person now. He was good. He was good despite the skeletons rattling in the closet where his love used to be.

Then, Evan.

No other preamble necessary. Then, Evan. With his broad chest and blue eyes and insane, insane ideas.

Really, was Tommy not supposed to fall in love with him?

Things are great for a while. Idyllic. Peaceful, and exciting, and sweet, and so goddamn sexy, and safe. Tommy feels safe in Evan’s arms.

The problem, of course, is that Evan has this idea that he has to know every part of Tommy. All of him.

“I want to love all of you,” Evan murmurs, as a creeping sense of dread settles in Tommy’s chest, “Even the parts you don’t like.”

Tommy chews on his words, but Evan must sense something is wrong, because he props himself up on an elbow and leans over Tommy, brow scrunched in concern.

“There are parts of me that aren’t worth loving.” Tommy settles on, eventually.

He watches Evan’s heart break in real time, and it does nothing to soothe the growing irritation in his chest.

“I don’t believe that,” Evan frowns, “I think even when you were making mistakes, you were worth loving.”

Tommy huffs a dry, sarcastic laugh. “I beg to differ.”

He doesn’t elaborate. Can’t. Evan doesn’t like this. “Tom, that’s—that’s not how this works. You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of you I’m allowed to love. I don’t care what it is. I love you.”

Tommy isn’t going to win this argument, so he doesn’t even try. Instead, he forces himself to relax, and sighs. “Okay. Sorry, honey.”

He can tell Evan isn’t buying it, by the disbelieving set to his mouth, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he lays back down and presses a gentle kiss to Tommy’s shoulder. It feels a lot like another declaration.

“I love you too,” Tommy says, bringing one of Evan’s hands up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. Evan revels in physical touch—it’s one of his favorite love languages, although he enjoys pretty much all of them. Mostly, Tommy thinks Evan was just love-starved for a long time.

Tommy is positive beyond doubt that Evan was never like him. It takes little talking to Howie and Maddie to confirm that he’s always presented his heart on a platter, warm and bleeding for whoever wants to carry it. There’s no universe where a callous man like Gerrard would have turned Evan into what Tommy was. Evan has never been a coward.

Tommy hopes that’ll be the end of the argument, but the next day, Evan sits down on the couch and says, “I know talking about your past is painful for you, and I don’t want to force you to tell me anything.”

Tommy senses a conjunction and chooses to remain silent.

“But,” there it is, “I don’t take back what I said.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you again,” Tommy grunts, knowing he’s closing himself off.

“Then let me say it,” Evan presses, “There is nothing in your past that would change how I feel about you.”

“You don’t know that,” Tommy says, through gritted teeth, “You don’t know what I was like to Howie and Hen when they first joined the 118. I said things I shouldn’t have. I let Gerrard and his cronies get away with even worse. I let them get hurt, and I did nothing, because I was a coward.”

Evan looks at him with big, sad eyes. “You were scared.”

“I should have done the right thing anyway,” Tommy argues, “You think Howie and Hen weren’t scared? You think they weren’t terrified? Hen got up in front of everyone and gave us this big speech about how proud she was to be gay, to be black, to be herself. And all I did was stand there with this pit in my stomach. Like if anyone looked over at me they would just know, and then I’d be a pariah. Like her.”

“Tommy,” Evan says, dismayed, “She’s forgiven you so many times over for that. Beating yourself up about it does nothing.”

“It holds me accountable,” Tommy says, “It keeps me from being that person again. I hate the person I was back then. You would have hated him, too.”

“Maybe,” Evan shrugs, like it’s just that easy, “But I try not to hate people. I certainly don’t hate my loved ones for making mistakes. And that’s what you did. Make a mistake. Now, looking back on it, I can see that version of you. That Tommy, who was afraid and in pain. I still love him.”

“Stop!” Tommy snaps, but makes no move to get away from Evan. Evan’s hand stutters, but makes its way to Tommy’s shoulder, thumb rubbing over the joint.

“I love every version of all of my loved ones,” Evan says softly, “I love the version of Bobby who almost drank himself to death. I love the version of Eddie that fought people in the street. I love the version of Chim that punched me. I love the version of Maddie that ran away from me—several times, I might add. I love the version of Hen that almost ended her own marriage when she betrayed Karen’s trust.”

There’s about thirty different stories Tommy wants to explore in there, but Evan doesn’t let him get a word in edgewise. “And I love the version of you that stood by and watched because he was too scared to intervene.”

Evan leans in to plant a tender kiss to Tommy’s cheek. “I love him, and I love the Tommy who was in Iraq, and I love the Tommy who was almost a high school dropout, and I love the Tommy who loved to go hiking after middle school, and I love the Tommy who was late learning how to walk but early learning how to read. It’s not hard. He’s you.”

“I don’t want him to be me,” Tommy confesses, throat tight.

“But he is,” Evan murmurs, soft and soothing in Tommy’s ear, “He’s right here. And he’s doing right by people now. He learned how to be brave. He made amends. Hen and Chim didn’t forgive you because you killed that old version of yourself, they forgave you because you made an effort.”

It’s the first time Tommy’s ever heard it phrased like this, and something about the way Evan says it makes his eyes sting. Evan pulls him into a hug, tucks his face into the crook of his neck, and lets Tommy cry. Rubs his back through it. If Tommy pretends, he could be rubbing the uniform-clad thirty-five year-old firefighter, or the fatigued back of an eighteen-year-old soldier, or the thrifted cotton tee of a middle schooler, or the just-too-tight romper of a toddler. All the Tommies that never got this, all the Tommies that desperately wanted it.

For the first time since his mother died, Tommy is held while he cries, and after nearly thirty years, something in his chest stops aching.

#my fics #bucktommy

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starry-bi-sky · 4 months ago

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I absolutely love your older brother Danyal Who left to protect Damian story, can you add on to it because I wanna know how he would interact with the family and maybe he knew Jason when he was in the league before he left or He would turn invisible and spy on the batfam to check up on Damian from time to time so he knows things about them

i've actually thought about Jason knowing about Danny in the League before! I made a little meme about it in one of my meme dump posts! Ultimately it's non-canon to the au and would have to be part of an offshoot branch or a variant of the au due to continuity reasons.

Meaning that if Jason knew about Danyal, I don't think Damian would have been able to keep his existence (and "death") a secret for long. Or at least long enough for it to be revealed that he was alive. Jason would have asked about Danny at some point, maybe even right away upon re-entering the family and seeing Damian there, depending on the context. I can see him asking whether in front of everyone and in private too, depending on that context as well.

Ooooo and! I just remembered this, but there's no guarantee that Danny and Jason would have even met while Jason was in the league too -- some depictions I've seen of this au have Jason around while Damian is still a baby, or as a young kid. The timelines are notoriously wonky. -- and Danyal "died" when Damian was five. Depending on the ages, the timeline, and all that jazz, Jason could have very well entered the League when Damian was five sometime after Danyal's death.

Or he could've been there to see Danyal, meet him, and eventually become close enough to him to figure out that Danyal deeply adored his little brother and everything he did was ultimately meant to be for his benefit -- in a twisted up way. Hey, we could even go a step further and say he was there the night Danny got his facial scar. It really would all depend.

But that would require me sitting down and recharting the timeline in order to fit that in without any significant plot holes; like deciding ages, how long Jason's with the League before splitting (ultimately he spent five years away from Gotham before returning. How many of those years am I willing to keep him in the au?), when he was there, etc.

Something I am simply not interested nor have the energy to do for this au this far in ashdgf. So for the sake of my own sanity and the continuity of the main au: Jason did not know nor know about Danyal in the League.

However its still a fun idea to think about! So some things I've thought about if Jason did know Danyal in the league:

- For the hispanic jason truthers: Jason sometimes called him diablito; 'little devil' since the whole 'grandson of the demon head' thing.

- Danyal had a habit of sitting right outside Damian's room at night to listen for intruders, something he's done since Damian was a baby after the initial attack that resulted in his scar. Jason would sometimes sit with him if he found him like that.

- If Jason was present -- both physically and mentally -- for the day Damian was born, he saw firsthand the way Danny was so happy to meet him. The light shining in Danyal's eyes as baby Damian latched onto his fingers is not something he could ever forget.

- This means he was also there the day Danyal got his scar a few days later. Bursting into the nursery with Talia and seeing Danny hovered in front of the crib, almost drenched in blood with his face split open, is not something he'll forget either.

- (fun fact, did you know that head injuries bleed the most even if it's a shallow cut? Danny's scar, which in order to still be prominent at 15, would be from his hairline to his jaw, would've been bleeding profusely. And scars shrink with age! This is not only because of healing, but because your body grows except the scar doesn't. This i know from personal experience -- i have a scar on my knee from 2nd grade that used to stretch horizontally from kneecap to kneecap and needed two large bandaids to cover. But now is barely any longer than the first joint of my pinkie. It has not faded.)

- Nor will he forget the thousand yard stare in Danny's little blue eyes as he looked up at Talia and, in a little voice, said; "They were gonna hurt Damian, momma."

- He and Talia both tried convincing Danny to use the lazarus pits to heal his face without a scar, Danny refused and kept refusing. It was proof he'd protected his brother and he wouldn't accept any of their reasoning. It hasn't impaired his sight or ability.

- Jason held his hand while the cut got stitched up. Danyal didn't cry once. He stared at the wall over the doctor's shoulder, and the only indication that Jason knew he was in pain was when his grip tightened in his hand.

- Jason left shortly after Damian turned three, so he was somewhat aware that Danny was going to begin distancing himself from Damian. Damian's memories of him in the League are fuzzy at best.

- When Damian joined the family and Jason was hanging around/reconciled with them, he asked Damian in the cave about Danyal. He said; "By the way, where's Danyal? I'm surprised he's not hovering by your side."

- He did not like the way Damian tensed up and refused to meet his eyes. When Damian finally revealed that Danyal was dead, he refused to believe it, and continued to refuse to believe it long afterward. Danyal? Gone? The little eldest demon was dead? That sounded completely unlike him. That boy was too stubborn and loved Damian too much to stay buried.

- They got into an argument about it right there in the cave. Jason thought Damian was lying to him, and Damian was not appreciating how much Jason cared nor him saying Damian was a liar.

- Jason has a few photos of him and Danyal and Damian in the league. All of them happened when Damian was too young to remember them. He has one or two photos of Danyal before he got his scar. He eventually shares these with Damian.

- I did have one idea where he found Danny in Amity Park once and had to be threatened by Danyal to not tell anyone.

okay that's all i've got for now. Onto the others!

"[or] would [he] turn invisible and spy on the batfam to check up on Damian from time to time so he knows things about them"

He wouldn't do this actually! Danyal is essentially in something like deep cover right now, and his whole reason for leaving the League is the belief that him being near Damian or the two of them being together is dangerous to Damian. That they will eventually be pitted against each other, and Danyal refuses to harm his brother in any sort of capacity.

The very last thing he would do is try and do anything that would indicate that he was alive -- including going invisible and flying over to Gotham to see Damian. The Waynes would figure out eventually that they were being spied on. They have experience with the paranormal and the weird due to Gotham shenanigans and basic hero craziness. They have incredible reflexes and intuition, you know how people can feel it when they're being stared at? That. That would happen, and when they can't shake the feeling of being watched, they'd get paranoid and seek out the cause of the feeling.

In some issues, afaik, Wayne Manor has protections against magical creatures. That place is more secure than Fort Knox; Danyal would not be able to get in or near it without triggering some sort of alarm.

And so, Danyal would do the opposite, and in fact would avoid Gotham like the plague -- in order to stay away from Damian, he has to stay away from Damia. And he'd probably avoid some of the cities where he knows his father's affiliates and allies lay, just to be safe. This is relatively easy to do since he's 15 and not leaving Amity Park any time soon.

If, for any reason, his foster family or school (for the 'visiting gotham' trope) made a plan to visit Gotham, Danyal would find a way to get out of it, by any means necessary.

It's just not a risk he's willing to take, and the 'deep cover' thing is something I mentioned in my Ellie and Damian Meeting oneshot (its in a reblog of my "danny and dani meeting" post). The only reason Damian hasn't immediately flown out to Danyal is because of two main reasons:

he has no idea where he is

Bruce forbade it for the time being because it could spook Danny off.

If Danny found out that Damian knew he was alive, knew where he was, and was going to come see him, there's no guarantee that Danny will just... stay. There's no guarantee that Danyal won't freak the fuck out and disappear off the radar, and then they'll be back to square one. Finding and meeting Danyal requires patience and proper planning, they can't dive headfirst into this.

Besides! Danny keeps tabs on Damian and his father (and eventually by extension his siblings) through news reports and articles about them! Sure not all of them are truthful, but the things reporting their actions, whereabouts, etc, he keeps and prints out and puts in a little shoebox/scrapbook in his room!

The folder on his father is huge because he started it a few months into moving in with the Fentons and it spans back decades. and Damian's is currently the smallest since he just recently appeared in public eye. Most of it is things like, Wayne Inc announcements for charities, galas, etc. Not tabloids or gossip. Positive publicity stuff.

He keeps them under his bed, and he pulls out his father's scrapbook to tell him about patrol whenever he comes back and needs to stitch himself up. It lets him pretend that he's actually telling his father about what he's done.

As for Danny interacting with the fam -- it'd be awkward but non-hostile! Danny's... not sure how to act with them, he'd be not unlike a skittish stray cat that you're trying to befriend who keeps running away. He only knows them from what he's parsed out from news articles written about them -- both civilian and hero -- and anything Talia's told him.

There's for sure a resemblance between him and Damian in more than just looks -- they both hold this sort of powerful or confident air around them that seems exclusive to the Al Ghul family -- and there's of course that pride in their abilities. They have similar speech patterns -- although Danny's more relaxed due to Sam and Tucker's influence. And they both share an intense care for animals and the environment that's also pretty standard for the Al Ghul family.

Overall though he's just... rather quiet. Snarky and witty, but quiet. Unsure and seemingly analyzing them, trying to figure them out. He's quietest around Bruce -- not because he's afraid of him or anything, but he's overwhelmed by him. He's wanted to meet Bruce since he was a child, and now he is and he doesn't know what to do. It's a strange feeling to have.

You can find him sitting in the same room Bruce is in and find him just, watching him. Watching him from various, obscure places. He seems content to just exist in his presence, and confused when Bruce speaks to him -- like he's not totally comprehended the fact that he's actually there in front of him.

Damian and Danny have perhaps the most awkward interactions with each other out of everyone -- they have old issues they need to sort out like Danny purposely distancing himself from Damian, and intentionally orchestrating their past interactions to result in Damian hating him, and Damian needs to figure out who his brother really is beyond what he led Damian into thinking.

There's a lot of one-sided yelling matches where Damian airs out his grievances at Danny, and Danny sits there silently and lets him. Danny apologizes to him for treating him so coldly in the past, that if there's anything he could go back and redo, it would be that. That he doesn't expect forgiveness from Damian, but he wants him to know Danyal's sincerity. He tells him that if he wanted, Danny could return to Amity Park and he won't bother Damian or his family again. Al Ghuls don't cry, but i think Danyal does when he apologizes to Damian.

#danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc #danyal al ghul au #danyal al ghul #things in threes #things in threes au #dpxdc crossover #starry asks #danny eventually bonds with the rest of the family he just needs time to warm up to them

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3amfanfiction · 1 month ago

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Simon Finds A Toy pt 3

Summary: Ghost takes you out on another one of his murder trips. Why does he think you're going to run away this time? What does he have planned? Part 3 of Simon Finds a Toy.

First | Previous

wc: 2.9k

content warnings/tags: slight gore, stockholm syndrome. banner by @/cafekitsune

Inspired by this ask from nonnie. I went a little different than requested but I hope you still like it!

"What's that?" you questioned, looking at the thick bracelet with trepidation. Simon didn't say anything as he stepped closer, dropping to a knee to pull up your pant leg. When you tried to pull your foot back he gripped your ankle tighter.

"Settle, pet."

Wrapping it around your limb, he latched it closed with a snick before sliding a finger between the band and your skin, checking it's tightness. Pleased with what he saw he stood, towering over you once more.

"There's no getting that off, not without the key," he looked down at you with a steady expression, "it'll tell me exactly where you are so don't think you can go wandering off."

A tracking device? Why did he feel the need to put a tracker on you? Hadn't you proven by now that you have no intention of running off? This didn't make any sense. You'd even gone into town with him before. Multiple times and never thought about running away.

Well—maybe thought about it, but not seriously.

Looking into the frightened face of a young man, you suddenly understood the reason for the ankle monitor.

When Simon had pulled down his mask in the truck after stubbing out his last cigarette, you assumed this would be like the times before. He would direct you to where he wanted you to stand, normally outside the back or side door, and then he'd go on his way.

What you weren't expecting was for him to lead you inside the factory and disappear right as you turned a corner, bumping into a group of self-proclaimed ghost hunters. The screaming between you and the other four was earsplitting.

That had been hours ago, back when everyone was still alive and hadn't spent the night being hunted by Ghost. You almost wanted to make a joke about it. About how they were looking for ghosts and they found one, why weren't they happier? But that would be in poor taste. Especially considering the guy in front of you was the last one alive out of his group.

He hadn't cottoned onto the fact that you weren't nearly as banged up as the rest of them had been. Probably because you were liberally coated in blood. It was smeared all along the side of your face, into your hair and down one side of your body. Courtesy of Ghost slamming you into a puddle of the second victim's blood.

When you'd landed on top of the still warm body you had strangled your scream by the skin of your teeth, scrambling off of her quickly to press against the wall, watching the way her eyes seemed to slowly cloud as the time when on, face slack above the blood that was still spreading. She'd had her throat cut and her stomach opened. Looking at her viscera had your own organs squirming in discomfort but with deep breaths you settled.

You'd stumbled across two more bodies, both murdered horribly in unique ways. Was Ghost having fun with this? Was he playing with them like you'd play with food? Killing them cruelly for his own amusement?

The blood had mostly dried in the time you'd been moving through the hallways, unsure if you were looking for Ghost or for the two remaining group members. Your choice was taken from you when you had to duck under the pipe that was swung towards your head from around the corner. You scrambled out of range only to see the youngest of the group, a man named Ren, peak out from around the corner, still holding onto the bar and looking terrified.

"Oh god, I thought you were him," he gasped in a quavery voice, dropping the far end of the pipe onto the ground with a bang. When you didn't say anything he continued worriedly, "You're okay, right? I didn't get you?"

"No, I'm fin—"

"You're bleeding," he interrupted, finally noticing the blood, his face went gray at the sight.

"It's not mine. It was— there was this girl. With a red shirt—?"

Watching as the realization of who's blood was covering you hit him about broke your heart. In that moment you wanted to leave. You wanted to take his hand and sneak past Ghost, get outside and run. You could do it, you knew you could. You knew how he thought, you'd be able to avoid him. This guy in front of you didn't have to die.

You shifted forward a step, mind spinning, already making plans when you felt your pant leg catch on your ankle monitor. Oh. That's right.

He'd planned for this. For any wavering feelings you might have during this little—what? This little experiment? It felt like an experiment, like he was testing you to see what you'd do in increasingly stressful situations. What an asshole.

That seriously limited your options but you weren't ready to give up quite yet. You wouldn't be able to go with him but maybe you could still get him out. You could distract Ghost while Ren snuck out the side. Maybe that would work.

Decision made you hurried to his side, grabbing his free hand to tug him along with you urgently, "We have to go. If we stay here he's going to find us."

Stumbling down the hall, you both hurried quickly through the dark, keeping a watch for any looming shadows. When you reached a crossroads in the mess of connecting passageways you paused, panting slightly, and turned to look at Ren.

"There's a door down that way," you huffed, pointing to the left, "It's a side door so you should be able to sneak out. I'll go the other way and distract him, give you more time to run."

"What? Are you insane, why wouldn't you leave too?"

As you stood there and argued you were acutely aware of the time slipping past. Ren wouldn't listen when you told him that without a distraction neither of you were getting out of there, that you needed to play decoy so he could run.

"Either you come with me or I'm not going," he finally announced, crossing his arms with a mulish look. At this point you were at a loss. You'd already wasted too much time when you hadn't had any extra to spare.

In your rushing panic you made a mistake.

"I know him, he's not going to hurt me. But you can still get out."

Ren froze. It didn't look like he was breathing, he was so still. As soon as the words left you mouth you wished you could stop them. Now you had to watch as his face filled with disgust and betrayal alike.

"What do you mean you know him? You're with that monster?"

"Well, I—"

He took a step back, face an expression of anger and cut you off, "Why are you two doing this? What did we ever do to you?"

"No, it's not like that—"You raised a hand, watching him flinch backwards before planting his feet once more.

"Is this a trap? Did you lead me here to kill me?" He looked around, panic starting to fill him as he swung the pipe through the air as if Ghost was going to materialize out of the dark at any second.

"Ren, if you'd just—"

You ducked under the swing of the pipe, wincing as it clanged against the wall loudly, announcing your presence to everyone. You held your hands up in entreaty, watching the reason slowly drain from his eyes.

You were considering how you were going to get out of there when Ghost appeared behind him like his namesake, stepping out of the shadows as if he had always been there. Looks like Ren had had the right idea with that pipe. Too bad he had changed his focus to you.

You muffled your sigh of relief as soon as you realized it was you making the sound.

It was the work of moments for Ghost to immobilize him, playing dirty and digging his fingers into the stab wound low on Ren's side to make him double over and heave at the pain. You watched it all happen, not doing anything to help either party. The conclusion obvious before the fight even started.

You looked at where Ren was pinned firmly in place, wrapped up in the larger man's arms, unable to do more than thrash helplessly as Ghost stood there looking bored. When he glared at you through tears you had to avoid his gaze.

"Well?" Ghost asked, tone almost bored considering the circumstances. As if this was just another day for him. "Are you ready to try?"

Your blank look up at his mask did nothing but make him chuckle meanly, cruel beneath the bony face plate as he held the squirming, crying man.

"I don't understand what you're asking," you ventured hesitantly, unsure.

"Come now sweetheart, don't play stupid. I made sure to show you a couple of different cuts you could use on the meat, did any of them pique your interest?"

That was the reason for the strange ways the first three had died? He was showing off for you? Giving you examples?

Your throat clicked as you swallowed dryly, putting the warm feeling of someone thinking about you and giving you a gift off the the side to be examined never if you had your way.

You were still avoiding Rens accusatory gaze so what's one more thing to ignore.

"Well, sweetheart? We don't have all night."

What was he actually asking? Was there a trick somewhere in there for you? Something that if you were clever enough would get you out of this situation? He had never been that kind before but maybe this was the first.

No. Ghost would twist the knife as he pulled it out, just to make sure you felt it.

Ren's gaze was angry and afraid over the seal of Ghost's hand covering his mouth as you stood there in bewilderment, trying to find a way out of this mess. His eyes blamed you for all his misfortune because it was safer than blaming Ghost.

You stopped looking at his eyes all together.

At this point you had to see him as a non-entity. He was going to die. There wasn't a way out of that, Ghost had him in his grip and he wouldn't be leaving this factory. The morning light was going to find his body no matter what.

So what were you really choosing?

If his death was a forgone conclusion then you must be deciding on how he would die. If it would be by Ghost or yourself.

On one hand you wanted nothing to do with this. You didn't want to kill this man who was crying even as he was glaring. His eyes were puffy and there was snot running down to puddle on Ghost's glove. He looked distressingly human.

He was a man who had just lost three friends and was about to die himself. The one who wouldn't leave you there alone, who insisted that you come with. He was shaking in Ghost's hold and you wanted to plug your ears, close your eyes and wait for this to all be over.

You could see yourself in him—the shaking fox in the maw of a dog.

On the other hand, why were you still policing yourself?

No matter your actions, the outcome would be the same. You and Ghost would be walking out of here and leaving four bodies cooling on the concrete.

He was going to die either way and Ghost would certainly be mean about it. With how he had 'shown off' with the others you were positive he would do worse with Ren. Not only because you were watching but also because that would mean you'd declined his offer. Returned his gift.

So wasn't the more humane thing to do to avoid Ren's suffering? Ensuring a clean death so he could die with some sort of dignity intact, whatever dignity there could be in death?

If you had the choice you know you would choose . . . well.

At this point you would choose Ghost if you were to be killed. He had crawled his way under your skin, wrapped around bone and muscle alike and wove himself between each nerve. He was in your lungs, blood and brain and you wouldn't be able to excise him without removing a part of yourself too.

You hated him for it in some ways. As infected as you were, was there any hope in saving yourself? Or were you fighting against a riptide, doing nothing but tiring yourself out, passing time before you were swallowed by the sea?

Were you still censuring yourself, even in your mind? You knew, deep down, that you didn't care about this man and you didn't care how he lived or died when it really came down to it.

Mentally, if you took a step to the left, you wouldn't see him as anything more than a speed bump to be gone over. You didn't know him, didn't care about him. He was no better than a stranger on the street.

And who was going to judge you? Ghost, whose hands already dripped with blood, so saturated that they would never dry? He would be as delightfully pleased with choice, even if his face wouldn't show it. Ren was the only other one here and he wouldn't be for very long.

You thought back to the fox, little heart pittering in it's chest as it died slowly. Dog's teeth flecked with blood as he watched you. Which were you? Which did you want to be?

Looking between Ghost and Ren you realized there was only one choice you could make.

///

The ride back to the cabin was spent with you silent and shaking. You weren't able to get inside fast enough—away from Simon fast enough.

You threw your bag forcefully onto the kitchen table, continuing to rush past it and ignoring Simon shutting the front door behind you.

"What's all this then?" he asked with a frown, watching as your bag wobbled at the edge of the table before finally settling. He set his down much more calmly, as if to show you how to do it.

You hated him. You hated him.

You watched it all play out in your minds eye. How you would get revenge. You would walk up to him, pull the knife from his belt and slide it between his ribs. He wouldn't be expecting it from you, not anymore. You could do it. The world would be a better place if you did.

You could see how the blood would bubble with each breath. Thick and red. How the scent of copper would flood the room, leaving a film in your mouth that you would taste behind your teeth for ages. How the warmth would coat your skin before slowly cooling and becoming tacky.

You realized where your thoughts were focusing, proof again of how he had infected your brain. You were never going to get away from him, were you? Even if you left, if you never saw him again, he would still be there. Still floating in the back of your mind, waiting for a time to step forward.

Why? Why why why why?

"Why did you do this to me?" you finally screamed at him, tears of anger and helplessness running down your cheeks. Why had he made you like this? This thing that you weren't sure was completely human anymore. The rot setting in too far.

"And what did I do to you?" he sounded condescending, as if he was humoring your temper tantrum, riding it out until you were reasonable once more. "Took you away from your boring life, from early hours and late nights at your job? Took you away from being alone every night, laying in bed and playing on your phone? Go ahead, tell me what I did to you."

"You made me like you!"

"And that's so bad is it? Tell me, what part does Your Majesty take offense to?" You wanted to dig your fingers into his eyes as he mocked you.

"You made me kill him!"

"I didn't make you do anything sweetheart. I gave you the opportunity. You're the one who grabbed it with both hands."

He was lying. He was lying. The only reason you killed Ren was stop Ghost from doing it. From playing with him like he always did. You were trying to keep him from hurting. You wanted it to be painless.

"That's not what happened and you know it."

"Go ahead then, tell me. If you didn't do it then who did? Who slid that knife across his throat until he choked on his own blood? There wasn't a goddamn tear in your eye when you opened him from ear to ear." Simon stalked forward to lean close, filling your vision as he put his face right into yours.

"You liked it."

Slap

He didn't move, not as your hand made contact with his face or as it was pulled away. A quick blink was all the response you got before he grinned meanly, "Awfully violent, aren't you, pet?"

"You made me into a monster like you."

He looked at you with cold eyes, an expressionless face his mask. Your heart dropped with his parting words. You'd always known in the back of you mind, hadn't you?

"Can't make something that's not already there."

|||

Current Stories || Main Repository

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #Simon finds a toy #cw stockholm syndrome #slight gore

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thedissonantverses · 17 days ago

Text

The Inquisitor failed where Rook succeeded.

These games aren’t about Solas and the Inquisitor and it would actually make the story incomprehensible and worse if that was the case.

Or my breakdown of why having the elven agents would have been a no good, very bad terrible idea.

So right off the bat my first problem with this is that I don’t care about Solas’ loneliness. It’s his own fault. He killed his friends. I like the character. I understand his motivations. I redeemed him. He is compelling. He’s still the antagonist. He still committed atrocities. You can ship him all you want. I do.

But you cannot uncouple what he’s done to rationalize his actions. He willingly got a body. Sure Mythal might’ve manipulated him but he did in fact make the choice. Same with the Titans. For that alone he’s a monster. Forcing all the blame onto Mythal ignores the text and no it’s not surprising some people latched onto the nearest woman to excuse a man’s actions. She is culpable and he is culpable. They’re both Evanuris no matter how much that chafes Solas’ mythology about himself.

Solas also let the elven gods out then lied to Rook when he blamed them because it’s his whole m.o. He fucked up a ritual he shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. Hell even if Solas didn’t fuck up his own ritual a second time, it’s still his fault. If he had asked for help a single time none of this would have happened. Varric would still be alive as would all of the people Elgar’nan and Ghiln’nanin killed.

Forcing in elven agents, where we would mostly likely be forced to battle and kill them, would be the worst way to handle the elves in DA. Like it’s an exceptionally bad idea. Which is why I’m so glad they didn’t do it. You cannot tell me that you like the elves and understand the lore then have them start what amounts to a holy war in retaliation for past holy wars on behalf of a man who wants to openly destroy their world. Then turn around and say BioWare hates the elves. Or that they handled the Dalish badly because they sure did a better job than you did. It’s a level of cognitive dissonance that is truly baffling.

This story is not about the Inquisitor either. The Inquisitor, oh wait another holy figure, I don’t care how much you said shem in your fanfiction. The narrative has already set up the Inquisitor to be like Solas you don’t need to enforce this yet again, it was done well the first time. The Inquisitor failed to capture him because they think too much like him. Which is what Trespasser was about.

Rook is well established in the first major scene with Solas both visually, thematically, and narratively. Knocking down Elgar’nan’s statue. Thinking of a strategy no one else did because they let Solas set the terms of the match. Varric, knows all this, and knew he was most likely going to die talking to Solas, set Rook up in his place. Varric who found the lyrium dagger and set all of this in motion. Varric who sets Rook on the board to belabor the chess metaphor. Rook, because of all this, is a much better narrative foil for Solas because they are just a mortal and all but nameless and not some mythical divine figure sent from on high for Solas.

Solas has killed and driven away all his friends including your beloved Lavellan. He sure didn’t love her enough to tell her the truth when he should have. Rook knows they need help. They could never do anything else.

A mortal willing to stand against gods? That’s what’s compelling. Good people pulling together to fight tyranny is always going to be a better story than a man who betrays the people he loves at every turn.

Dragon Age has such a rich and interesting lore and frankly at this point twisting everything to be about one character is disrespectful to almost 20 years of crafting on the part of the writers and creative team. It actually makes me angry that their hard work is being torn apart because people want to force everything to be about one character. Not only did you completely miss out on a beautiful story to force an interpretation like this, you don’t even know what universe you’re in.

TLDR: The story is called Veilguard because it’s about Rook and the Veilguard. Hope this helps.

#dragon age #veilguard #veilguard spoilers #solas #solavellan #rook #dragon age inquisition #da:i #datv #tw abuse #tw solas

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zepskies · 2 years ago

Text

Break Me Down - Part 12

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female Reader

Summary: You’re a private investigator by trade, but now you happily sit at a desk — leading a surveillance team at Supe Affairs. After managing to end Homelander in New York, Soldier Boy escapes custody. You are recruited for the manhunt, joining Butcher’s team.

Truly, you joined the S.A. for the right reasons. But after you become his accidental hostage, Soldier Boy will break down every single one of them…

💚 Break Me Down Masterlist

Word Count: 5,700

Tags/Warnings: Violence and peril, angst central, a touch of PTSD, and a surprise ending…

Part 12: All Your Wicked Ways

Something was wrong.

It was a gut instinct, but yours was far too often right.

Ben had been sleeping for a long time. After he’d fallen asleep yesterday, you did shortly after from the combination of fatigue, pain from your broken ribs, and the painkillers in your system.

But even after your keepers had woken you with a tray of food, Ben still hadn’t woken up.

“Ben?” you tried calling to him, but he didn’t rouse from where he laid in his cot, one arm pillowed behind his head and the other across his stomach.

You got up, your pain making you slow as you made sounds of struggle.

You went to the large window and supported yourself with your hands on the glass. You called his name again, louder.

His face scrunched a little, but your voice couldn’t penetrate the Novichok haze—the poison being pumped into his cell to dull his senses and keep him too drowsy to function.

You paused as you heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall. It turned out to be several, in fact, as a team of Vought security guards came to your cell.

“What’s going on?” you asked. No one answered you as they grabbed and handcuffed you with your arms in front of you. You struggled, but you didn’t have the strength or energy to give much of a fight.

They wheeled in what looked like a large metal casket. You had only seen one of these in pictures, but it had to be a cryochamber.

A doctor in her mid-fifties accompanied them, giving directions on how to safely enter Ben’s cell. Your eyes widened.

“What the hell are you doing?” you shouted. Panic trilled down your spine as the guards fitted themselves with special suits and gas masks. The doctor turned toward you as the guards led you out of your cell and into the hall.

“You’re being transported,” she informed you.

“Where?”

“To a lab with better security.”

“Why? Where’s my father? I know that bastard’s still alive,” you demanded, but it seemed you weren’t interesting enough for the doctor.

You spied her last name, Baker, embroidered above the breast pocket her lab coat. You finally recognized Dr. Tonya Baker; you hadn’t worked with her much during your time at Vought, but you knew her by reputation.

Your heart fell into your stomach.

You struggled against the stern grip of the guard holding you and shouted, “Ben, wake up!”

Between your voice and the commotion outside his door, he started to rouse.

“Get her out of here,” said Dr. Baker.

Your guards tried to drag you, but you dug your heels in and made it as difficult as possible. Meanwhile, Ben could hear you—when you called his name and now, while you were struggling. He finally drew enough energy and strength to open his eyes and sit up in the cot.

Once he saw you being manhandled against your will, his fury sparked.

“Hey!” he barked. He managed to rise off his cot and draw himself to his feet. The first door of his cell slid open for the guards in their hazmat suits. Once that closed, the second one disengaged, and they came pouring in.

Ben fought them. He managed to punch the first one into the far wall, shaking the fortified glass. He snapped the second man’s neck and broke a leg on the third, but they just kept coming in batches of three or four. The room was misty as hell, slowing Ben’s stamina, and he gritted his teeth in frustration.

Their strength was in numbers, and gradually, they were able to latch onto his arms, kick behind his knees to bring him down to the ground.

He saw the mask coming towards his face, and the well of panic, hearing your distressed yelling of his name—it gave him the strength to break the chain of men holding him down.

That’s when he noticed the star bolts zipping outside his cell.

You were still fighting against the guard’s hold. You ripped back his sleeve and bit into the man’s wrist, eliciting a yell of pain. His grip eased up enough for you to steal his secondary gun on his belt, and despite your cuffed wrists, you shot him in the leg twice to bring him down.

You raised the gun at your next attacker—Frenchie, who raised up his hands in friendly surrender.

“Cherie! It’s surprising to see you alive,” he said. You grinned.

“A good surprise?” you asked, and you shot another guard approaching from behind him.

Frenchie flinched slightly, but after he watched the man fall to the ground, screaming and clutching between his legs, Frenchie’s lips raised in a more genuine smile.

“Yes, I think so,” he teased.

You looked past him and watched as Kimiko, M.M., Annie, Hughie, and Butcher took out the rest of the guards. You didn’t see Dr. Baker anywhere; in all likelihood, she’d fled the scene when she saw her opportunity.

Ben still remained in his cell, and you went to the glass window. He looked all right as he met your gaze, but there were about ten bodies lying around him. His face was firm and assessing. Still, you read the uncertainty behind it.

You sighed and turned to your team. “Hey, guys. Good to see you.”

Annie went to you first, grasping your shoulders. Her large eyes peered into yours.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Well, more or less,” was your weary reply. Your ribs were throbbing, but you raised your cuffed hands. “Think you can help me with these?”

Annie raised a hand over your cuffs and concentrated her powers into melting them, just enough for Kimiko to strike through them. You slid off the remaining metal pieces and rubbed your stinging wrists.

“All right, let’s get a fucking move on,” said Butcher.

“Hello to you too,” you replied, raising a brow.

“Oh, just you wait. You’ve got plenty of fucking explaining to do,” he said, leveling a finger at you. He slid it over to Ben, who watched him right back.

“Ello, gov.” Butcher smirked. “Look at you, all gift-wrapped for us.”

He turned to M.M., who approached with an especially terrifying-looking gas mask. Your eyes widened.

“Ready?” Butcher asked him.

“Ready to knock this motherfucker out and bring him into custody,” M.M. grimly agreed.

“Wait,” you said, stepping past Annie to get between M.M. and Butcher.

With your back to the glass, you didn’t see how Ben’s eyes followed you. They hid a thread of uncertainty. He had a feeling you might do this, but he didn’t know what to expect from your team.

“It doesn’t have to go down like this,” you told them. “He took out Homelander. He could help us bring down Vought. This fucking tower, the whole thing.”

“Is that why you ran at the airport?” M.M. asked. Then he shook his head. “Never mind. We don’t have time to debate this.”

You held out a halting hand. “Look, clearly they're not done making supes if they brought back a new and improved Black Noir. Now they’re selling V24 to the military. They need to be stopped, and with our help, Ben could do it.”

“Oh, it’s Ben now, is it?” Butcher stared at you shrewdly, then at Ben himself. The latter just tilted his head, his mouth quirking with an edge of cockiness.

Butcher raised a brow. His gaze returned to you, noting the way you stood your ground, but pursed your lips. You were hiding something…a guilty conscience, perhaps.

“Bloody hell. You two’ve been fucking,” he realized.

Shocked silence spread through the rest of the team.

Your embarrassment radiated off your flushing cheeks, and it took everything within you to resist looking back at Ben. You didn’t want to see what kind of expression he wore, but you could guess.

“No,” Annie regarded you with shock.

“Seriously?” Hughie remarked in a high voice.

“That’s…well, that’s none of your goddamn business, is it?” you tried to be stern, but your embarrassed shuffling made it lose some of its effect.

Kimiko shared raised brows with Frenchie, who just looked amused. M.M., on the other hand, grimaced with disgust. That actually stung, but you crossed your arms. You didn’t have a good answer for them. Not one you wanted to say in front of Ben, anyway.

“I think we can come to an agreement here,” Ben said at last.

You turned around, and he gained the attention of the others as well. He briefly met your gaze before he shifted to Butcher.

“Worked for us once, before you tried to double-cross me,” Ben said.

“You want to take out Vought.” Butcher glanced at their surroundings, specifically Ben’s cell. He gave a snort of amusement. “I could understand that.”

“Butcher,” M.M. said sharply.

“We–we should probably get out of here now,” Hughie pointed out. He looked back down the hall nervously. You agreed with him; any moment now, more guards could be coming.

“Think about it,” said Ben. “The only way you’re getting that mask on me is with a fight. One you’ll probably lose, fucking miserably. We can have the same deal as before, no strings. Until Stan Edgar and Noir are dead.”

It took Butcher all of seconds.

He turned to Frenchie and said, “Open her up.”

“Butcher, what the fuck!” M.M. argued.

“What do you fucking want from me, eh? Their special ops security will be all over us soon,” Butcher said.

But he shared a meaningful look with the other man that you didn’t miss. It sparked your suspicion.

You stepped back as the first door unlocked after Frenchie hacked the commands. Then the gas misting up the cell receded.

There was an immediate reaction from Ben. He blinked in relief as he started to breathe easy. The brain fog making it almost impossible for him to stay alert slowly ebbed.

He took one step into the hall before it happened—all in a rush, but not unexpected. He blocked M.M.’s punch and tossed him across the hall.

Someone jumped on his back. He heard you shout, but before he could rip off the hanger on, Kimiko slipped the mask over his face and deployed a heavy dose of nerve gas. It was enough to drop him to his knees as his eyes rolled back into his head.

Lights out.

On the way to Supe Affairs, you weren’t happy, but there wasn’t much you could do.

You were still in your Vought-issued gray pajamas, bare footed as you rode along with your friends in Frenchie’s van. In the very back was the haul of Ben, laid to rest in a chamber keeping him sedated.

You had to explain to the rest of them that your father, Jonathan, was Stan Edgar’s Chief of Security. You were a cog in Vought’s wheel once upon a time, but joining the S.A. helped you escape. Ben offered you a way to achieve what you couldn’t at the S.A.—taking it all down.

Still, M.M. looked at you like he didn’t even know you.

“How do you explain fucking him?” he asked.

You shot him a tight frown.

“First of all, none of you know what the hell I went through,” you said. “At first, I was just trying to learn how to read him. How to survive and somehow get back home.”

Emotion clogged in your throat when you thought of seeing your sister again soon, and your mom. You thought of all you had gone through in past two months, and knew that it had changed you…

For better or worse, you didn’t yet know for sure.

“But for all his arrogance, his chauvinism, his massive ego and general bastardry, there’s still humanity in Ben,” you said, looking up at your team. You thought they had become your friends…but you supposed you would see.

“Why else would he save me?” you said.

They didn’t answer. You turned your head to Annie, but even she didn’t look convinced. Though you could see she wanted to be on your side, it was difficult for her to reconcile her own feelings about Soldier Boy. You certainly understood that.

“He’s too powerful to kill,” you also pointed out. “Putting him to sleep like this will just make it worse when he wakes up…but if he’s properly motivated, he could do some good.”

“Or off anyone who looks at him sideways,” Butcher wryly replied. “He’s dickmatized you, love.”

You could tell the others sided with him on this.

“You can disagree with me,” you said, “but do you have a better way to kill Noir and take down Vought?”

At the S.A., you were able to shower and get on proper clothes in a black tracksuit and some sneakers. You weren’t allowed to find out where they’d taken Ben yet, but Grace Mallory oversaw the transport, just as she called you into her office for your immediate debriefing.

It felt more like an interrogation, not unlike the one you underwent to be recruited for the manhunt of Soldier Boy.

You felt like a different person sitting across from her. This time you sat up tall, not intimidated by the ice blue stare that greeted you. The lines in the older woman’s face were drawn, but there was an unyielding wall within the woman that you could admire.

It just didn’t change the fact that right now, she was your opponent. And the chess game had begun.

“You went way off-road with this assignment,” she said at last. You raised a brow.

“I’m sorry my kidnapping inconvenienced you,” you remarked.

“Don’t be cute. You know what the hell I’m talking about,” Grace said. “At this point, I’m debating whether to bring you into custody along with Soldier Boy.”

“I’m the one who got him back to the States,” you pointed out, sitting back in your chair with your arms crossed. “I had to get in contact with my father to make that happen. Do you know what that cost me?”

You resisted an uncomfortable shudder. They’d given you more painkillers for your ribs, but it wasn’t enough the relieve the damage of that encounter. Not to your mind.

“Aside from any other self-debasing tactics I used in order to do my job, not to mention save my own life. Without me, and the sacrifices I made, Soldier Boy wouldn’t be in a cell downstairs,” you finished.

Saying those words stung. Like you were somehow betraying yourself.

“That doesn’t fool me,” Grace said. In fact, her shrewd gaze was much like Butcher’s. It saw straight through you as she tilted her head in wonder. “You care about him.”

Your lips tightened.

After a moment, you answered.

“He was tortured for forty years,” you said. “Whether he admits it or not, he’s got scars just like the rest of us…but more importantly to you, he can help us take down Vought once and for all.”

Grace considered you with a shifting light. “I didn’t think that mattered to you.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” you retorted. “But make no mistake. You will pay me what you owe me for this mission. If you think you’re going to welch on your end of the deal, then I’m about to be your long-term problem.”

Grace huffed in wry amusement.

“I have a feeling you will be, regardless,” she said.

“And to that end, I will be checking in on Ben,” you replied. “He’s a person, not a weapon or a lab rat.”

“Mind yourself, young lady,” Grace snapped, her eyes narrowing. “I admire your sense of loyalty, but in this case, it’s misplaced. That man is a bastard and a murderer, with a devastating power he can’t hope to control. And you, frankly, don’t have any standing to make demands.”

“And what’s your body count, agent?” you challenged. “Have they all been sanctioned kills?”

When she didn’t answer, merely staring back at you, you stood up.

“You’re right, he can’t control it. Yet. Maybe that’s something productive you can get your damn scientists on,” you said.

And before you left, you added one more thing.

“I may not have your security clearance, your power, or your money,” you said. “But I’ve got a big fucking mouth. So unless you want me to use it, my clearance now includes seeing Ben.”

Grace stared back at you for a moment.

Her nails tapped on her desk as she assessed you.

Releasing a long sigh through her nose, she relented. A little.

“Fine,” she said. “If you can convince him to ally with us on the Vought issue, I’ll allow you to see him.”

You nodded. For all that Grace hated Soldier Boy, she was a practical woman. She saw the same opportunity you did, and was willing to take advantage of it…even if you both knew that convincing Ben to play ball would be damn near impossible.

In fact, this would probably be your biggest challenge yet. But this, you were willing to fight for.

“I can start tomorrow,” you said.

It seemed that Vought and the CIA had been thinking similarly on how to confine Soldier Boy.

You spent one strange night back in your musty apartment before you returned to the S.A., bright and early, so that Grace could lead you to a lab below the main building. It was dark and made of pure concrete, encased in titanium.

In it was a state-of-the-art cell with three metal walls that had to disengage before you could reach the inner room. Inside those four corners of fortified, bullet-proof glass were scarce furnishings. Ben himself was strapped to a bed, with a mask held over his face.

At least he was out of the coffin, but it was difficult for you to watch, even as the scientists and guards unstrapped him and left the cell. The mask disengaged from his face, allowing him to breathe real air as he started to wake. But gas flooded into the compartment, not unlike Vought’s setup.

You and Grace stood outside the glass. She glanced at you with sharp nod. Then she left you alone.

Well, relatively speaking. There were guards posted at the entrance of the three walls behind you, controlling who got in and out of the cell area.

Once all the walls were back in place after Grace’s departure, you let out a shaky breath and stepped forward with the plate of food you brought, along with a few bottles of water.

Ben was moving off the bed, trying and failing to clear his head as he took in his surroundings with a furious glare. It only dimmed slightly when he realized you were there.

He made his way toward you, and you pressed a button that would allow you to safely pass his meal to him without letting any nerve gas escape the inner cell. Ben removed the lid from the plate, inspected the chicken and vegetables with an unreadable expression.

Then, with a burst of force, he took the plate and tossed it as hard as he could into one of the glass walls.

You flinched. But by the time he looked back at you, you’d schooled your expression, merely raising a brow.

“That was real fucking mature.”

“Suck on my balls, sweetheart,” he retorted. He cocked his head to the side. “Oh wait, you did. Last Tuesday.”

You glared at him with a hot blush spreading across your face. That was not, in fact, last Tuesday. But you didn’t rise to his bait.

“Are you really willing to partner with the S.A. to take down Vought? Or was that just you bluffing?” you asked.

Ben started to pace in irritation. You knew he was upset, and itching for revenge on anyone that would dare confine him again. You could guess what being in a cell was already doing to his mental state.

Which was why you were here, desperately trying to help him.

“Really, would you rather be hunted all your life, or would you rather just play ball here?” you tried to reason. “Become a real ally with the S.A. Show Mallory that you can operate within the law.”

Ben looked up from his pacing just to glare at you.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to with all these demands, huh?”

“You, Ben. I’m talking to you!”��

He ignored you, resuming his pacing. “I’m a solo act for a damn reason.”

Oh really? you wanted to say. That’s why he needed your help to try and get to Stan.

“That got you here, now didn’t it?” you asked.

He didn’t answer. It made you think you weren’t going to get anywhere with him today. Maybe he needed some time to cool off.

You sighed and turned to leave, but his voice stopped you.

“You’re just going to leave me in here?” he asked in disbelief. And you thought you could read a throughline of hurt behind his eyes. “I saved you…shit, I’ve lost count how many times now. And still, you fucking betrayed me.”

“Don’t you do that,” you warned. Though you felt a prickle of guilt run down your spine. “You know very well what got you here. I tried to stop it. And I’m the only one who’s on your side right now.”

“Doesn’t fucking look like it from where I’m standing.”

You sighed in frustration. “I’ll tell you the truth, I don’t want to leave you in here. But if I can’t trust you, they never will.”

“I don’t know what delusions you have about me,” he said, coming closer.

“But when I get out of here, I’m slaughtering anyone who gets in my way!” he shouted savagely.

He banged his fists into the glass so hard that it trembled, making you flinch with a gasp. A more concentrated fog smoked up the cell. Ben coughed and cursed as he stumbled back, and eventually, he fell unconscious right there on the floor.

You watched in dismay. Despite his rage, it still hurt you to see him like this. Like a caged animal.

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you forced yourself to leave the cell before the cameras caught them. You knew Grace would be monitoring this exchange later.

She would probably feel vindicated at what she saw.

The thought disgusted you as the outer walls parted, allowing you to leave. M.M. was waiting for you at the exit. He’d seen the entire thing through a monitor at the control desk, where two guards sat eating their lunch.

“You want to protect that piece of shit?” M.M. said, jerking a thumb towards the cell. “That’s what he really is. And he clearly don’t give a fuck about you.”

Your jaw tightened.

“I’m not going to justify my actions to you, M.M. I know what he’s done, especially to you," you said. "But he didn’t just let me live. He protected me, saved me, more than once. From his own men even. And…he was kind to me, in his own way. I have to think that counts for something.”

M.M. shook his head at you in disbelief.

“Maybe he went soft for a pretty girl, but that doesn’t mean he ain’t a monster,” he said.

“That’s not all there is to him,” you said. “You didn’t see it, M.M.”

The other man watched you for a moment, before he let out a deep sigh.

“You actually think he can be saved,” he said.

“Maybe,” you said. “We’ll see.”

He crossed his arms. You understood how he felt, but you couldn’t deny what your instincts told you about Ben…and your heart as well.

“He’s right about one thing,” M.M. said. “You are delusional.”

A few days went by as the team went back to work at the S.A. as usual. But your days during your first week home became marked by your strenuous visits to Ben.

Once again, he’d rather pace than look at you. You had a feeling it helped him stay awake.

“I fought for my country,” he groused. “I don’t fucking deserve this.”

“Oh, would you stop lying?” you said in annoyance. “You’ve only ever fought for yourself. You didn’t even fight in World War II! You’ve never been a soldier. And unless you get a fucking clue, you’re going to continue being the massive man-child your father saw in you.”

Maybe it wasn’t kind, but you were fed up with his stubbornness. You turned to leave.

“Don’t you fucking walk away from me!” Ben shouted.

You raised a brow, and you turned on your heel. The man was livid, standing in the center of his cell.

“Or what?” you challenged.

But you soon relented at the way he withdrew–into himself.

You had checked the monitors before you came in; he was trying not to sleep, wasn’t letting his body rest. This place was like an open wound: complete wall-to-wall glass, no privacy, nowhere to go, and nothing to do. He couldn’t distract himself with drugs, or TV, or good food, or even good sex and conversation.

This was terrible for him, and you knew it.

“Ben, I want to help you,” you said, letting out a shaky breath. You laid a hand on the glass. “Let me help you.”

His gaze was angry and unyielding.

“There’s only one way you can help me,” he said. “But you won’t fucking do it.”

The team was giving you a wide berth. Even Annie greeted you in the office with more politeness than warmth.

Above all else, you remained professional, but it was a simple fact that your team was no longer your team. They didn’t trust you, or your judgment. And you refused to show how deeply that hurt you.

However, until you all got a breakthrough on taking down Vought and Noir, there was still work to be done. So you fell into step back in with the Surveillance team.

That meant taking your place as second-in-command to your manager, as well as returning to your cubicle next to your coworker Jess. She hugged you when she saw you, even shed tears.

You’d hugged her a bit awkwardly, but you were touched. You hadn’t thought she cared about you that much.

She told you that the entire Surveillance department had been worried about you. That they’d missed you, especially your calm, supportive leadership. (Apparently your manager had been stressed handling the entire department without you.)

That at least buoyed you throughout the rest of the week.

When you returned home on Thursday, however, you received an unexpected call. But when you saw the caller ID, you inwardly kicked yourself before you answered.

“Louisa?”

“What the hell is wrong with you!” came your sister’s sharp voice.

So many things, you thought with a weary sigh. You held your phone to your ear while you tried to find something to cook for dinner in your pantry. All you found was a box of spaghetti…which dragged up bittersweet memories you’d rather not think about.

“I meant to call you as soon as I got back,” you tried to explain. “But I’ve been in full debrief mode. It’s been a circus since I got back, Lou.”

You slammed the pantry shut and went for the frozen dinner in the freezer.

“I don’t care. I didn’t hear from you for almost two straight months…”

You knew the S.A. hadn’t told her anything about your kidnapping, but you knew she had to have been worrying when you didn’t check in at all after that first time in Medellin. The sound of her emotion-choked voice made your own eyes sting.

“I’m sorry, Lou. I’ll come visit you this weekend, okay? I’m still taking care of some things at work.” Namely a grumpy supe on lockdown. “How’s school?”

“School is fine!” she snapped. You heard her take a breath, presumably to calm herself. She had a bit of a temper, just like you, but your sister managed herself much better than you. You supposed being more well-adjusted had its perks.

“Mom was worried too, but I kept her calm. Focused on work,” she said.

“I appreciate that. Thanks,” you replied. You knew you had to call your mom soon as well. Maybe you’d stop in on her after your sister.

“I better see you this weekend,” she grumbled. You smiled.

“Love you too,” you said.

“Love you…okay, I’ll let you go for now. But don’t forget!”

Once you said goodbye and hung up, you held the phone to your chest and heaved another sigh. You were exhausted, really. Sleep hadn’t been coming easy to you ever since you got back. But you knew it was nothing compared to what Ben was going through.

Which was why you visited him every day.

The next morning, you made your pitstop to the “cellar,” as you’d been calling it in your mind.

You’d brought whatever Grace allowed you to give him, like books and magazines, and an old iPod to listen to music on, but he mostly ignored you.

This time, however, he seemed in a different mood as you sat in a plastic fold out chair and ate your breakfast with him, on your side of the cell of course. You took another bite of your blueberry muffin while he pushed aside his bland-looking eggs.

“So, how much did you get paid?” he asked. His tone was nonchalant, but his gaze was accusing. You let out a breath and looked up at him.

“Enough to put my sister through college and pay off my mom’s debts,” you told him. “I took this job for my family, Ben.”

His finger tapped on his arm, but he didn’t relent. “Selling out is selling out.”

Wow. He really had the nerve to compare you to the way his team sold him out.

You’d tried to be nice. You really did. But he could be such a massive pain in the ass.

“You don’t seem to understand just how much shit I’m in for trying to help you right now,” you said.

Ben mustered up some strength and got up from his cot. He drew near to you, crossing his arms.

“If this is your idea of doing me a fucking favor, then I don’t need it,” he said angrily. “I don’t need a naive little girl like you to help me do jack shit.”

You set down your muffin and stood to your feet, matching his glare.

“Like you didn’t need my help to get into Vought Tower?” you pointed out, satisfied by the way he piped down. Silently simmering.

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be awake right now,” you added. “You’d be back in an ice coffin.”

And that could still happen if you couldn’t convince him to cooperate with Supe Affairs.

“Fuck off,” he snapped. “And fuck you.”

Oh really? You frowned. At this point, you wanted to slap him. It seemed to be his sheer stubbornness and ego that was keeping him from his own freedom, and that, you just couldn't tolerate.

“You know what?” you said, grabbing your muffin and your fold-up chair. “Suck my dick, Ben. When you’re ready to talk to me like a human being, tap on the glass.”

You left him behind to do your real job, and this time, you didn’t let him halt your steps.

You’d scarcely entered your apartment that evening, when a shadow on the living room sofa gave you a small heart attack.

You flipped on the lights and found your younger sister, arms crossed with a raised brow. On the coffee table in front of her was a glass of soda. It looked like she’d made herself comfortable while waiting for you.

“Louisa! What are you doing here?” you exclaimed, with a hand on your chest. “Why the hell are you sitting in the dark?”

“I heard you coming up those rickety stairs and thought I’d pay you back for disappearing in South America,” she said.

But soon enough, wide grins took over both of your faces.

You pulled her into a big, warm hug. Tears burned in your eyes, and one or two slid down your cheeks as you tried to get ahold of yourself.

“I missed you so much,” you confessed. You were just slightly taller than her, able to comfortably pet her hair and press a kiss to her cheek. Louisa was just as emotional, her pretty eyes filled with happy tears.

She was about to speak when the glass on the coffee table suddenly shattered.

You both flinched, and your sister gasped. You held onto her shoulders tighter, more protective as you assessed the room. You listened closely.

A shot rang out, but it hit the wall beside your head. You moved at the last moment and narrowly avoided the third shot that would’ve struck you between the eyes.

“Get down!” you yelled, forcing your sister to crouch along with you and move across the living room.

Bullets tore with a vengeance through the windows, crashing into vases, picture frames, shattering the surface glass of the wooden coffee table, and ripping into the sofa until its internal fluff rose into the air like cotton confetti.

You protected Louisa’s head as you both took shelter behind the sofa.

“What’s happening?” she shouted over the cacophony, but you didn’t have an answer for her yet.

Your front door burst open and shattered the lock. You tensed, looking for where you stashed the spare gun you kept at home. The S.A. hadn’t gotten around to issuing you a new glock yet.

Heavy boots came through your apartment. You grabbed a piece of broken glass and told Louisa to stay down.

But when you stood and met your attacker, he was nearly three times your size. He grabbed your wrist in a firm, but not painful hold. He pulled his black ski mask down with a hand and revealed a familiar face.

Your eyes widened, your mouth gaping in shock.

“Frank?”

AN: 😏 Did I get'cha? Did I? Let me know in the comments. 😂

Next Time:

“Wait, wait. You’re not getting out of this.” Louisa leaned over and grabbed your hand. “What’s the deal with you and Soldier Boy? I thought the whole point of your mission was to capture him.”

You let out an exasperated sigh.

“I was on the job, things went sideways, I got captured, and things got…complicated.”

Frank huffed. “I think the kids are calling it Frenemies with Benefits.”

Keep Reading: PART 13

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List:

@deans-spinster-witch @this-is-me19 @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @spalady26 @spnwoman @syrma-sensei @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @muhahaha303 @123passwort

@xoxovienna @katherineann83 @lollag0w0 @globetrotter28 @nancymcl @ashbatz @secretdreamlandmentality @kristophalis @wonderland2022 @emily-winchester @shelh93 @sl33pylilbunny @spoonmynoodle @chernayawidow

@buckybarnes-1917 @asgardprincess97 @sometimes-i-sing @itsyellow @karnellius @kimberleymjw @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @iamsapphine @sanscas @se-fucking-hun @lassie-bird @jessjad @yepimthatperson @fromcaintodean @stoneyggirl2

@spnfamily-j2 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @lacilou @venicesem @mimaria420 @beautiful-life-coded @tearsfortheyouth @agalliasi @chriszgirl92 @kazsrm67

#All Your Wicked Ways #soldier boy #the boys #soldier boy/ben #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #the boys season 3 #soldier boy/ben x reader #the boys au #enemies to lovers #frenemies to lovers #private investigator!reader #the boys amazon #soldier boy smut #break me down #Part 12 #zepskies writes

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bitterrobin · 9 months ago

Text

Let's talk about Damian, the League of Assassins and the al Ghuls. A.K.A things to keep in mind when writing them.

You don't have to force yourself to comply with this, but there are some important facts you need to know and things you absolutely SHOULDNT do (be racist or orientalist).

Read on for a long post about Damian and the League and his family - giving context, some research and comic storylines, and characterization.

There are basically three different backstories for Damian.

Batman: Son of the Demon - technically, this baby is unnamed and not completely Damian. But the writer of that comic does still (sorta) resent that Morrison was able to write Damian in current comics while he wasn't. This baby was given up for adoption by Talia and we never see him again. Fans vastly prefer taking this backstory (me) because Damian is NOT a product of rape and Talia is written like herself.

Morrison's canon/the 2006-2011 era - the Damian we know and love. Kinda-sorta. So, in Morrison's whole run - Damian was raised in the League and trained as an assassin. One key point here: Talia DID NOT raise him. Morrison instead wrote that Talia only first met Damian when he was eight years old, and she was out of his life before then. Morrison also completely fucked up by writing Talia as a rapist who assaulted Bruce in Son of the Demon rather than the actual consensual sex they had. While it gave us the character, its not the complete version that many like. (and also its pretty racist)

Tomasi/Gleason's canon in Batman and Robin/Robin: Son of Batman - almost the same Damian as before, with one key difference: we actually get see what his training and life in the League entailed. Additionally, Talia in this version raised him from an infant, thus making his connection with her much stronger. A win/lose situation there. Talia would never raise her son under her father, but we do get a stronger mother/child bond than we ever had before. (Still fucked, but insanely better than Morrison).

From these three versions, only two utilize the League of Assassins in Damian's origin.

The League, then, is very important to his character. By extension, so should Ras right?

In Morrison's canon/the 2009 era - no, apparently. As per Resurrection of Ras al Ghul, he only sees Damian as a vessel for his soul. To stay eternally youthful and does not care for him as grandson in any way. This...is a lot. You could use it for angst. But it's also not in line with Ras' characterization. You could argue that this version of him and Damian have never interacted before but still.

Here's what you need to know about Ras al Ghul. He was and still is: a doctor. A man of science. He loves and wants to save the beauty of nature. Ras is an eco-terrorist. Not a generic assassin. He believes in the life of nature, animals, but he despises humanity for what they've done to the world. He has seen it all, and he canonically laments of loss of endangered species, of ruined habitats and long-gone animals he once cared for.

He also loves his family. A lot. The entire reason he becomes the Demon's Head is because his first wife, Sora, was killed by someone he treated, and then he was imprisoned and forced to co-habit with her corpse. Of course, over the centuries he's been alive, she's become only one reason for his existence, as we see how jaded he sees humanity and how little he trusts people. He latches onto Talia, his surviving daughter, because he loves her and he grieves her mother. He degrades Dusan, the White Ghost, because he cannot bring himself to love him. He was murdered by Nyssa because she felt betrayed and began to despise his love (and inaction). In current canon, Damian is his grandson and he loves him, despite everything.

Of course, it doesn't justify what he's done. But it's a crucial part of his character: the twisted love that cages. The love that binds and says it knows best for you - "I only want the best for you, I want to protect you, I want the world for you. Can't you see that? I can bring you something better." The fact that he's an ancient immortal only adds to the superiority he believes he's giving to his family.

We return to the League of Assassins. SO, the League was canonically created to further his ultimate goal: saving the planet. Again, eco-terrorism. The League exists to cull the human population. Ras believes in utopia, a world without any humans (even himself and his family). Ras is willing to die, eventually, like a really long time from now, if he gets to complete his goal. Thus, the League wholeheartedly believes in him, for the betterment of the world with their savior at the head. Exactly how the League treats their mission and Ras depends on the writer - but it's common to write them as a cult. Almost a religion.

We don't really get a lot about they operate. There are figures like Dr. Darrk and the White Ghost and all the stuff that comes up in Red Robin. We get some interesting ideas and characters in Robin: Son of Batman. But we don't get how the League works. There's no comic that does a step by step breakdown of their finances, operations, assassins, employees, what Ras actually does to lead and impart his vision to his followers.

We go the cult route, then. Here's something that I'm currently exploring and that I think others should too: The League is a global cult that believes in the holiness of death and the end of humanity in order to save nature/the planet. The League is far-reaching. It is eternal. It has existed for centuries, just as long as Ras al Ghul has.

Damian was part of a cult. Depending in your version of events, he was either taken from his adoptive parents or born into the League. Either way, he was indoctrinated. He believes in his grandfather's ideas. His training, canonically, began when he was very young. It was fast paced, trainer after teacher after teacher. He didn't grow attached to them, but he retained the skills. He is raised not just as an assassin. He is raised as an heir. A leader. An overachievement of talent and privileges. He embodies Ras' beliefs.

He is worshipped. A symbol of the cult. A prince. He is dehumanized. He is a figurehead, a piece of Ras that the common folk can touch and see. Damian believes in this superiority, misguidedly thinks they respect him and not the word of Ras. And there begins the struggle.

He grows up arrogant. Manipulated by his loving grandfather into something he really shouldn't be. But there is still Talia.

Either she only met him later in life when he was eight years old, or she was there from the beginning. In both cases, she would NOT stand for her son being treated this way.

Talia is not a completely non-violent character. She has killed before, and does not have the strict rules of Bruce. But she's not an assassin (at least , she didn't used to be). She can cry over a soul lost. She can shoot a gun but with a trembling heart. Talia was raised by her father with affection. She was sheltered, spoiled. She was educated and trained, yes, but she was not made into a weapon. She was taught martial arts for skills, protection, for Ras' paranoid benefit.

She was loved, but Ras has canonically hit her in moments in rage. He has canonically manipulated/threatened her to try and kill Bruce. I fully believe that she would want to protect Damian from as much abuse as possible even if they're both in the League.

You can interpret her split from her father as many things: her love for Bruce, her love for the world, her own love for her father and seeing in horror how twisted he'd become, her need for independence, to be her own woman without Bruce or Ras in her life, an abused child becoming an adult, etc.

Talia also canonically studied medicine (in Cairo). She believes in life. She would impart this onto her son. She wouldn't want him to grow up sheltered as she was, nor would she want him to become a weapon to be wielded. Talia would advocate for him to be taught arts and literature and respect for nature, and to try and give him some sense of normalcy. She was the one who let him keep Goliath. She would never kill Damian's pets (Morrison you have three days what were you thinking?!).

(EDIT: adding some more context to the Talia section of this post!)

After Talia healed Jason using the Pit and sent him to be trained, she left the League in entirety. For several comics, she was entirely independent and drifting - enjoying her life apart from Ras as her own woman.

For a brief moment in comics when Lex Luthor was the US President (yes that happened), he chose Talia to oversee LexCorp. Talia does not like Lex, but she agreed anyway in order to secretly change his company from the inside. While she put on a front to the public and Superman as another cruel businesswoman, in reality she was draining Lex's finances, shifting LexCorp into a more ethical direction, and digging up as much dirt as possible on Lex in order to take him down. She secretly gave Superman information on all of Lex's evil plans as she could, but didn't directly work with him. She wasn't LexCorp CEO for very long, but it was pretty much all she was doing until the events of Death and the Maidens. It can be assumed that while she was a CEO, Damian was being trained in the League in secret.

In Batman: Death and the Maidens, Talia was kidnapped and repeatedly tortured/resurrected in a Lazarus Pit by Nyssa Raatko (her half-sister) in order to brainwash her. She was killed, over and over and over again, then resurrected every single time afterwards in immense pain until she was filled with nothing but primal rage. Nyssa's goal was to use Talia as her own pawn against Ras in a revenge plot. The brainwashing made her a loyal follower of Nyssa, hate Bruce, and made her kill Ras without a second thought. Eventually, they succeeded in taking over the League - leading to the eventual storylines in Robin: One Year Later and Infinite Crisis where Nyssa is shown leading the League (before her unceremonious death). Ras eventually returns in the Batman: Resurrection of Ras al Ghul storyline that precedes Final Crisis/Bruce's death.

Some fans use this Pit event to explain Talia's butchered character in later appearances - making her abusive and cold to Damian and a full villain towards Bruce - as a consequence of this horrific brainwashing. It's definitely a far better explanation for her actions in Batman and Robin (2009) and Batman Incorporated than her sudden heel turn under Morrison. Unless you're completely re-writing her actions in the 2009-2011 era to be more in line with her original characterization, then this explanation is an easy add-in to explain her dynamic with Damian in your fic if you want.

You could take the complicated family dynamics of the al Ghuls and write some seriously heavy stuff on love and abuse and the cycles of trauma and violence. From Rúh to Ras down to Talia/Nyssa/Dusan down to Damian and Mara. It's one big circle.

Speaking of which, here's a list of all known al Ghuls for your convenience.

Rúh al Ghul - AKA Mother Soul. Ras' mother. She's fairly recent, but I think she's interesting enough to include. Unlike Ras' hard beliefs in science, Rúh is very spiritual and a practitioner of magic. Through her, it can be implied that every al Ghul has the possibility of learning magic. She believes in a figure called the Demon. Led the League of Lazarus on Lazarus Island, where she was basically imprisoned for centuries.

Ras al Ghul - real name unknown. The originator.

Sora - his first wife. Deceased. Killed by a raging prince who was healed by the Pit, as Ras did not know what it did back then.

Melisande - his second wife. Talia's mother. Half-Arab, half-Chinese. Deceased. Ras canonically met her at Woodstock (lol). She was murdered by Qayin, the antagonist of Son of the Demon. In some depictions (basically only Morrison) she was revealed to be alive and a fortune teller who hid her identity from Talia. (I think her being dead makes more sense for how Ras treats Talia, and her issues/love for her father).

Nyssa Raatko - I believe she's Ras' oldest child. Technically, she's been dead since Infinite Crisis and has not appeared in comics ever since. Canonically tortured and brainwashed Talia. Led the League for at least a couple months to a year. Half-Russian, part Arab and Chinese. Jewish ?, it's complicated. Canonically survived the Holocaust. Is immortal.

Dusan al Ghul - the first White Ghost. Albino. The forgotten and despised son. Still very loyal to Ras, does not call him father and instead calls him the Demon's Head. Mara's father. Is not immortal.

Talia al Ghul - the younger child. The beloved one. Damian's mother. Is not immortal.

Damian al Ghul-Wayne - you know already.

Mara al Ghul - Dusan's daughter. Damian's cousin. I think they're pretty much the same age. Raised in the League, led the Demon's Fist. Can be assumed to have been trained in the same subjects as Damian at the same time.

Compiling all of this, here's the things to NOT DO when writing the al Ghuls and the League:

Making them animal abusers, encouraging Damian to kill animals or showing him their deaths. The League stands for nature. They would not kill them unless its for food or mercy. It's insanely racist, even, to imply that a group of Arab-based people or Ras or Talia would gleefully brutally murder a puppy in order to teach Damian a "lesson."

Making Ras or Talia comically abusive. Ras would be hard on Damian and manipulate him. He's smart. He knows what he's doing all the time. He'd rather keep Damian's loyalty than turn him against him using physical violence. That doesn't mean he wouldn't ever threaten him, just..idk show some restraint when you write them interacting. On the other hand, Talia WOULD NEVER ABUSE HER SON. You could make an argument for Ras, but Talia would never ever hit her son unless she was forced to.

This is just common sense. DO NOT write the League or al Ghuls as racist, orientalist tropes. Research before you write? Use your brain. Please, I'm begging you. If you think of a concept you think might be problematic, look it up, try and find sources, ask around.

Make Ras weirdly obsessed with/in love with Tim. Seriously. What the fuck. This also weird and racist. I've seen horrendous tik-toks making shitty jokes over this. ITS NOT TRUE. STOP MAKING HIM A PEDO BC YOU THINK ITS FUNNY OR EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTING. Never once has Ras expressed a desire as making Tim "his bride" or some fucked shit like that. I'm going to beat you with hammers.

Having everyone take a dip in the Lazarus Pits/using them extensively to become immortal. As far as I know, only Rúh and Ras have used them frequently. Only they are the immortal ones, the ones arguably driven slowly mad by the unknown sciences of the pit. Talia is not immortal, she's not even that old, and she doesn't have the desire to be ageless. She has to be at least near Bruce's age, maybe younger than him depending on the timeline/your interpretation. Damian did not ever become exposed to the Pits until after he was killed in Batman Inc, and even then- he was NOT resurrected by it. (Actually I don't think he's ever been put into one.)

Having Talia hate Bruce. Like, No? Currently, they have more of a "we are Divorced but still care another but also we don't agree" dynamic. But they were once really in love, star-crossed even, they were married. But Ras and circumstances and even Damian pulled them apart. (I do think writing Damian as a child of divorce is both accurate and kind of funny).

Finally, demonizing all of the al Ghuls and making Bruce's half of the family Damian's saviors. THIS is racist. Full stop. Making his majority white family the "good ones" and "saving" him from his evil brown family is an insanely bad thing to write. We have to see it enough in comics, please don't write it into your fic. There can be redeeming things about the al Ghuls, about his life prior to meeting Bruce. Keep in mind, always, that Damian is part Arab/Chinese, that the al Ghuls are all a mix of Arab/Chinese ancestry and that they should/would be imparting their culture onto him. The League was where he was taught art, to appreciate animals. You could write Talia imparting certain tea preferences onto him, favorite cultural foods, practices, numerous languages. Ras is immensely proud of his own heritage, muddled by age it may be, there's no way he didn't let Damian express himself this way. I fully believe Damian is fluent in various Arabic languages and Chinese, and that his first language is not English.

My final message: think before you write. Consider the actual comics, in fact, I'll put one here for Ras.

Ras al Ghul: One Bad Day. Published 2023. Unfortunately written by Tom Taylor (sigh). Its still good though.

Ras kills some rich guys for facilitating the extinction of the wolf species you see. Of course, Bruce investigates.

Ras kills Bruce, keeps him dead for three months before resurrecting him in the Pit. Damian stays by Bruce's side. There's a lot more, but I implore you to read this comic for yourself to get the full experience.

Thus ends this post. Read this comic for yourself! Have fun writing them, just take these things into mind.

#dc #damian wayne #dc comics #ras al ghul #talia al ghul #league of assassins #batman #batman meta #dc meta #robin #waspdoesathought #racism #kinda #just keep in mind there's some insane tropes stapled onto the al Ghuls and perpetuated further in fics #a painted bird named tamer #writing advice ?#enjoy :)

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twst-drabbles · 3 months ago

Note

For the sanctuary AU,

One of my characters reincarnates back and forth through time and dimension, so I got a thought while reading that one Drabble you wrote about the Caretaker being killed by the kidnappers.

So for the pet or sanctuary au,

What if after we die we kind of just. Show up one day out of the blue, kind of like

*wakes up*

‘Huh, wait.’ “OH SHIT! I LEFT MY BOYS!”

And just books it knowing it’s been a while since they died, I’m thinking like two decades so this mini version of their caretaker shows up ready to beat someone for hurting their boys.

‘Oh fuck oh shit oh damn it where the fuck do I-‘

“SUP MOTHAFU-“

*bashes head in with a chair*

“Hey sweetheart how are you? So sorry I’m late let’s go home- oh shit I have parents”

And goes back with these massive guys attached to them and not letting go ever.

(The bad end boys need a happy ending)

Hahaha that's a real comedic take. Anger is still fresh in their hearts since I would imagine that being dead doesn't exactly allow one to feel the full extent of time passing.

Though, me being me, I naturally have to think of the very, veeeeery angsty route that comes with the Caretaker being dead for this long. It's mostly going to be a ramble, and Crowley will take center stage for a bit because of course that be the first person I’d latch onto when thinking about how the death of the Caretaker would affect people, and how their sudden coming back would play out.

Let's see let's see...

So, obviously there would be many changes regarding everyone that's involved with the Caretaker in some form or fashion. They are a pretty beloved person within this neighborhood all things considered.

Before I turn my attention to the pets/familiars in question, I actually want to focus on Crowley of all people. He's a strange man, that's for sure. This weird unaging figure that's been in this neighbor for longer than anyone can remember. Back then, before you entered his life, he was just this strange and rather reclusive man in a hat that mutters to himself while collecting all sorts of odd magical items and other things that may as well be cursed. He didn't used to have a garden, actually, or any of the fancy sprinklers and

So, that being said, the death of the Caretaker would hit Crowley the hardest out of everyone involved. I cannot emphasize enough how much this affected this man. I know I don’t really write much about him in regards to the housepet and sanctuary au, but he’s a pretty integral part of the Caretaker’s life, and vice-versa.

That being said, Crowley is focused on one thing, and one thing only: righting wrongs. It’s a real quiet vengeance quest honestly. Hell, I hesitate to call it a vengeance quest because Crowley isn’t murdering out of any anger in him, he’s basically doing it out of obligation. Like this was the next natural step, when all Crowley wants to do is go back home and wallow in his misery and never come out.

There is this dangerous, single minded focus to him either way. He knows doing this won’t make him feel better, but it causes him misery to think that the people that hurt the Caretaker could still be alive. That they must be rolling in their grave, unable to find peace because he chose to stay inside and let time rot him from the inside.

It’s kind of hilarious to think about. Where, in the event of the Caretaker’s unfair and early death, Crowley ends up becoming the main character. At least, for a time.

So, that being said, the pets do end up being rescued by Crowley, but it’s pretty much clear that the thought of carefully taking care of them is not in his head. He gets them out of their various situations, and then pretty much leaves them to their own devices to complete this hunting quest he’s on. And once he’s got everyone and got rid of those that hurt the Caretaker, he’ll retreat back into his home and become the hermit he used to be.

So yeah, the pets and Crowley will have an interesting situation going on between them. They appreciate the fact that he rescued them, certainly, but they’re not close. Crowley’s priority has always been the Caretaker, and it feels like dangerous territory to tread when attempting to help him move on.

And when the Caretaker just comes back two decades later, Crowley is going to be… weird honestly. Years of being despondent to the world and completing his revenge and getting all the pets back and still without the Caretaker, only to have them back as though death never touched them in the first place would mess him up in a different way.

We’re pretty much used to Crowley being this flight of fancy, air-headed bird of man, doing whatever the hell he wants in that bumbling–and sometimes selfish–way of his. For all his flaws, his heart is usually in the right place. The annoying crow man we all know and love.

Now we get to deal with a version of Crowley that’s let himself unhealthily stew in his grief for far longer than even the pets lets themselves grieve.

Have you ever been dotted on by someone who relies so heavily on your safety and happiness that they react like they’re dying whenever you get so much as a paper cut? Like their own safety is second fiddle compared to yours, and will probably make themselves sick with worry if you go missing for too long?

Yeah, Crowley’s kinda like that. He tries to act normal, tries to go back to that jolly self but every time the Caretaker so much as gets a cut, everything about him goes silent and Crowley’s eyes grow real intense.

Dude’s plagued by some intense and horribly unchecked paranoia. And has an unhealthy dependence on the Caretaker.

So anyways, onto the pets! In no particular order and obviously not going to talk about all of them because there’s just too many.

So anyways, I really can’t imagine the familiars would be stuck in their horrible situation. And by the time the Caretaker reappears, back from the dead, they’ve all gone their separate ways.

While all of them are pretty much functioning as familiars and pets should, they haven’t really healed and are simply sweeping everything under the rug for the sake of those in their group. Forcing themselves into a “normal” routine while refusing to address all the things wrong with themselves. Resentment, naturally, is bound to pop up.

I’d say stuff in this au reflects what goes on in the actual canon material, though with everything being tied back to the Caretaker and the fact that none of the pets have forgiven themselves for letting them die, even though there was literally nothing they could’ve done. They all have done their best.

Riddle’s tyrannical behavior? Hasn’t forgiven himself for not being stricter with his rules, for being so lax that people came in and killed the Caretaker. A tighter grip on his garden means he can better protect the people in it. And when they even break one rule, no matter how benign, they must be punished so such a thing never happens again. Because one slip up can lead to more uninvited danger, and another life lost.

Leona’s nihilistic attitude and resentment towards Malleus? Leona has tried his best and still couldn’t have saved the Caretaker, and Malleus, being gifted with more power than anyone else, should’ve been able to save them but he didn’t. They were all useless. So, what’s the point in trying when, no matter how hard you search and improve oneself, you can’t reverse the mistakes made? All Leona has is his resentment, and so he will bring it forth.

Azul’s taking advantage of people and hoarding of wealth? The world runs on money, and without it, you’re less than nothing. And when you’re less than nothing, you can easily be hurt and killed without a second thought. Hoard enough wealth, put enough value on one’s self, and you’ll basically be nigh untouchable. And surely, when you’re finally untouchable, you’ll be able to protect everything.

Jamil’s resentment towards Kalim and his plans to turn everyone against him? The people that have killed the Caretaker originally wanted to target Kalim and his family for his own pets. Unfortunately, Caretaker was friends with Kalim and, they’re the easier target. It shouldn’t have been them.

Vil’s obsession with perfecting other, himself and breakdown at his own perceived ugliness? It’s his emotional crutch, his physical evidence that he can do well for himself, that he’s not falling apart at the seams with the death of the Caretaker. Neige is doing well for himself after all, So well. So so so well. So Vil must also do well, must be better, in fact.

Idia’s resentment of the happier world around him and overindulgence in various hobbies to the point of being horribly socially stunted? Trying to retreat back into happier times before the death of the Caretaker. It was easier, back then. Everything was so much easier that this current world is just… not worth it.

Malleus’s frustrations at being left behind as time continues to move while he remains stuck in place? He’s still adjusting to a routine without the Caretaker there to keep him company. He still has habits that he developed in response to being around the Caretaker, he still sets up his diner table with an extra plate, and always wakes up in the sunlight expecting to hear their voice somewhere in the distance. It’s unfair, really.

The Caretaker is dead and gone, has been for a while, so none of them register that all of their problems stem from the fact that they feel heavy guilt for watching them get killed. They all think they’re ‘better’ now. They’re not. They still got problems.

So yeah, when the Caretaker comes back, all their coping mechanisms are going to go out of wack. There will be a happy ending, but boy is it going to be hard to get to.

Fun stuff, fun stuff.

#admin #sanctuary au

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accala · 6 months ago

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Zack Fair in the Lifestream

Can I just mention how Zack managed to NOT dissipate into the lifestream??! If we base it of the lifestream black & white chapters from "On the Way to a Smile," it's a difficult feat to do.

Here's an excerpt from Aerith:

"The woman was an Ancient. Which explained how she was able to maintain her individuality even within the Lifestream. If she so wished she could become part of the planet at any time, but the woman thought it too early for that just yet."

With the way this was phrased, it's implied that Ancients can choose to stay intact and those who aren't an Ancient would find it difficult to maintain individuality (or maybe I'm pulling a leg here but hear me out). Ancients are able to maintain individuality because of their connection with the Planet & the Lifestream. Zack was shown to have individuality in Advent Children. Which brings the question of what happened to Zack’s spirit in the afterlife.

Even Sephiroth in the OG game had a hard time not dissipating into it considering his half disintegrated body in his cocoon form. Although this maybe pertains to his physical body only. I'm inferring he was dying when Cloud stabbed him in Crisis Core (was still semi-alive) and fully dead when the party defeated him. After OG FF7, he was grasping onto Cloud as his point of obsession just so he wouldn't erode into the Lifestream's current.

Mind you, despite being seen as an infection in the Lifestream and in hindsight should have been easy to be rid of, this is the man that became god and took control of a planet-killing alien to make clones of himself. His tenacity knows no bounds and not dissipating is a difficult goal he achieved momentarily regardless.

Excerpts from Sephiroth & Aerith respectively:

“The man knew that if one could hold onto some core of their spirit, then one could remain a separate entity, independent from the planet’s system."

“She rushed through the Lifestream in search of other souls to help her. Ancients, on the verge of diffusing. These fragments of consciousness accepted her undertaking. When she found fragments of consciousness of people she had once known– pitifully few in number– she infused them with her own memories and sought their assistance.”

I think Zack was one of those fragments of consciousness that Aerith ended up finding and infusing with her own memories, which gave him individuality. But that doesn’t explain as to why or how fragments of a SOLDIER First-Class with JENOVA cells managed to stay intact for 2 YEARS (from OG FF7 to Advent Children) before Aerith found them. Lifestream White 2 mentions that spirits can refuse to be absorbed by the Lifestream due to hatred, and by Sephiroth’s case, his obsession with Cloud and his memories of him. But I don’t think that’s what Zack did based on his character. Instead of hatred or obsession, Zack had a strong will.

The fact that Aerith found fragments of Zack despite 2 years of his death implies that he chose to stay and to yet dissipate. I think he might have tried latching onto "some core of his spirit” to probably watch over Aerith & Cloud (the implications of him seeing Aerith's death is making me feral). I think the nature of his death played a part in this resolve. This part is mostly speculation: he died so close to Midgar, just a smidge of seeing Aerith again. And despite passing on his legacy to Cloud, Cloud was just newly reawakened from his coma. He might have wanted to watch over him and Aerith for a while and see how his legacy plays out. So a guardian angel if you will ;) (plays thematically with Crisis Core).

The image of Sephiroth trying so hard to not disappear while Zack is there because he’s just That Guy is funny to think about

#ff7 #final fantasy vii #ff7 crisis core #ff7 advent children #zack fair #zack fair had to be nerfed early or else sephiroth would have to deal with zack's OP-ness #Im losing my mind #the lifestream is very confusing #sephiroth #sorry for the long post

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daflangstlairde-art · 5 months ago

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> Masterpost

Hello, I'm DaFlangstLairde, you can also call me V, [they/any]. I'm coming to Tumblr mainly to post fanart, fanfiction, fan edits and general content for whatever my current special interest is. Not everything is linked here, mainly my fanfics. Feel free to send asks or message me to chat! <3

General art tag: #daflangstlairdeart

General fic tag: #daflangstlairdefanfic

Whumtober 2024 tag: #dfl's whumptober 2024

—

> Undertale Content:

+ "she's broken but she's fun" — Killermare/Nightkiller (AU), words: 6,432

Part 1 of ocean depths

Summary:

It's you. You are the nothing. You need him. You need him because he completes you. Of course he's all your messed up brain can latch onto — he's the most potent thing you've encountered, so in a way, it’s like he’s the only real thing. He's the only solid, clear thing, and you need something to grasp and hold onto. You couldn't grow numb to him even if you wanted to. Nightmare says “Kill.” and you kill. — Killer has issues — he can't really feel emotions. Nightmare finds him and takes advantage of that to recruit him. (Or: Killer and Nightmare waltz along the line between what's abuse and what isn't)

+ "she ain't worth a goddamn in anyone else's hands" — Killermare/Nightkiller (AU), words: 5,334

Part 2 of ocean depths

Work Summary:

Nightmare was all, all Killer had. He defined Killer’s entire world. He was the most important thing to Killer. But, just as well, at the end of the day — even if in a very different way — Killer was all Nightmare had. — Being left in the Antivoid is just as much of a torture as you’d imagine. Real torture.

> Rise of the TMNT Content:

+ DaFlangstLairde's Whumptober 2024 Masterpost

+ "I Still Feel Alive" Leo-centric series — Masterpost

Series Summary:

Leo's stay in the Prison Dimension was not only longer, but a lot more painful, with only the company of a violent alien and the ghost of his future self. Miraculously, however, he survived, and his family got him out in the end. But then he—and the ghost—find they have to actually face and process the hardships they've endured. Along the way, they have to learn how to hold onto hope; how trauma most often affects you after the fact; how to be vulnerable and connect with your loved ones; what real strength is; and how to move on and live, amongst other things. Feat. a lot of bad jokes.

Tag for the series: #dfl rottmnt isfa

+ "Electrocardiogram" — Disaster Twins oneshot, words: 1,865

Summary:

For a second Donnie thinks he wants Leo's heartbeat to just fucking stop already so the beeping ceased, and the speed with which he shakes that intrusive thought out of his head is rivaled only by Splinter when pizza is the prize. He doesn't mean that, and he knows that he doesn't mean that. He was just- already on edge, he'd felt off for about several hours now, and the irritant that is the beeping is… well, irritating him. - Donnie gets a bit overstimulated and becomes snappy, but it's all out of care for his injured brother. Before anybody gets truly hurt, they handle it in a mature and healthy way as much as they can.

— DaFlangstLairde <3

#daflangstlairdeart #daflangstlairdefanfic #dfl rottmnt isfa #masterpost #blog intro #dfl's whumptober 2024 #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #undertale #undertale aus #utau

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marshmallowprotection · 5 months ago

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You’re really good at analyzing the characters so what are some common mischaracterizations or head canons people in the fandom have about the characters that you don’t like?

Common? Well, there are a lot of things little things that I don't care for when I see them, but I know most people feel the same. Yoosung has a huge one. I hate when people make cousin jokes at his expense and I scroll and block when I see people make them at this point. It's not funny, and you don't understand Yoosung as a person. You don't understand his grief and frankly, that's insulting because that's a big part of his character arc.

People belittle him and make him feel like a kid when he's twenty-one years old and coming into his own. He's not a baby, sure, he going to learn a lot in the future because there's so much he hasn't gotten the chance to experience, but lack of experience doesn't mean that he's not capable of standing on his own. Yes, compared to the other RFA members, he hasn't done a lot, but that doesn't mean he's not super accomplished. He was a stellar student, he worked hard to get to the place he is, and the only reason he's floundering is due to the grief in his heart.

Grief plays a huge role in his story and if you want to understand him, you need to know his grief. Set aside the fact that Rika's still alive. He doesn't know that and in most routes, he never does. She was so very important to him because Yoosung was a lonely person even though he was a popular kid who didn't have trouble making friends. He was lonely and you can tell he's lonely if you look hard enough to see it in your own eyes.

Actually, if you want my headcanon about him, I think Yoosung was an oops baby. I think his sister was much older than he is and due to that fact, he was never super close to her. Sure, his family is the most normal in the entire game, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its own faults. His mother loves him, she does her best to take care of him, but it seems like his father is always rather busy at his job with the government. With a sister much older than him that he can't ever seem to relate to, and a mom who is trying her best but pushes him when he makes mistakes, and a father who isn't around all that much for him, it's got to be lonely.

Why else do you think he latched onto Rika when she came to speak to him? She saw him. She saw him and related to him. She was closer to his age and knew how to talk to him. It's no wonder Rika became a very important person in his life. She saw that he was lonely and that he needed others to root for him, and that's why she convinced him to stick around and join the RFA. Rika did care for Yoosung, she really wanted him him to do well in life back then, and pulling him into the RFA was the best thing Rika did for him because it gave him a place to have others to turn to for advice.

The RFA is a found family no matter what, and even though the RFA playfully bullies Yoosung sometimes, they're some of the only people who know the facets of who Yoosung is.

Zen isn't a narcissist and even if he was one, that's not a bad thing. However, I will say it's not a good look when folks shout that word and villainize personality disorders. Please, I implore people to do more research and be more mindful about how they speak about personality disorders, not just with narcissistic personality disorder, but BPD, OCD, etc.

He is overcompensating. When he is spouting compliments toward himself, it's because he's trying to convince himself that those words have power. Words do have power, let me tell you, and if you call yourself trash all the time, you are inevitably going to believe you are trash.

I'm not saying you have to do what he's doing to build up your confidence, but I'm going to say that what he's doing can be quite helpful for people. You'll make a lot of progress if you're not trying to beat yourself down. The world isn't going to hold back its punches, so why in the world would you beat yourself down just to help the things that want to see you crumble? I know it's easier said than done, but it's good to be in the habit of not insulting yourself.

You don't have to compliment yourself, but don't call yourself trash.

You know another thing about him that gets to me? It’s something he shares with Jumin that doesn’t get the conversation it needs. Both of them have more in common than they realize. They're both victims of sexual harassment, and one of the reasons why I love Zen Route has to do with the fact that they get to have a healthy conversation about their insecurities and what they've both experienced.

Jumin downplays his copious trauma all the time, but speaking with Zen is a way to front those demons with someone who won't mince words for his sake but will also be understanding and considerate at the same time. Jumin thinks he isn't allowed to complain to expend on his trauma because he's a man in a place of privilege. He thinks it isn't important in the grand scheme of things. He thinks he got lucky and others deserve far more sympathy than he does because they've not had as much fortune as he has.

Zen calls him on his shit for it. That's why I love when Zen and Jumin can truly begin to understand each other underneath their banter of "Zen hates Jumin because Jumin reminds him of his older brother in the worst way imaginable" and "Jumin lets Zen poke at him because it's fun to have debates and discussions with others and Zen doesn't hold back" and "Zen gets rightfully angry about how rich people can flaunt their wealth" and "Jumin doesn't even hate Zen, he just leans into what Zen expects because it's what Zen "wants.""

Zen and Jumin have a lot in common. Sure, some people understand that, but I think some of the little details get missed. It took me a long time to understand Jumin because he peeved me at first, but once I got to see who he is as a person, I realized that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and that's a lesson we all know, but it's good to get it reinforced. You learn that in Zen's Route, and you can't shake it off when you get Jumin's Route when needs the same theory applied to it.

I just don't like it when put don't put weight on Jumin's trauma and entirely miss it when it's blatant.

Don't get me started on the bad ending. I don't like talking about his bad ending because people like to romanticize that relationship and call it canon. That's the problem for me. I also love indulging in Bad Endings myself, but I do not call them the good ending. My problem with Jumin’s BE is that there are people who claim the Bad Ending is healthy and fight to say that it’s a “better ending.”

Listen, my friend, if you want an ending with a relationship that has BDSM, you can have that. You can have that in the Good Ending. You do not have to get a Bad Ending to get it, you can write and imagine it in the Good Ending, and you can have the characters communicate consent and boundaries. You can imagine that and have it that way! I can't believe I have to say that! It is 100% okay to consume content for the Bad Ending and to create it.

But for the love of God, stop calling it a Good Ending and stop acting like it's healthy. Cheritz made a DLC for it because they knew people would pay for that. That's literally the only reason why that got made and I hate it. I hate that his trauma about his damn mother is hidden in a ending that emotionally destroys that man and you would never know anything about it unless you decided to play it. His mother is a piece of shit, by the way, but I'm sure most people know that by now.

All I want is for people to call the ending what it is and to tag it appropriately so I can avoid it. I don't want to consume anything for it and that's my choice. I'm not saying you can't enjoy it, please enjoy it if you want to enjoy it, but call it for what it is because I call all of the Bad Endings I consume Bad Endings for a reason.

I hate it when people say that Jaehee is bland. I hate it when people say that Jaehee is overbearing about Zen and then they bash her into the ground because she "gets in the way" of Zen/MC. I hate when I'm forced to see someone claim that Jaehee's route isn't romantic. Y'all do realize that Jaehee's route has the most realistic route, right? She isn't yet aware of her sexuality or her feelings toward other woman. It doesn't occur to her at first that her feelings for MC are romantic and it takes time for her to fall in love. She's not rushing this experience... she's indulging in it.

She wants to be your partner, your best friend, your closest person in the world first, and as you get closer, that's when you fall in love. She needs time to sort out her feelings, that's the kind of person she is. It takes her time to process her feelings. She's spent her entire life in a place where she's had to fight to earn her keep and look after herself. She went after a career field that would take care of her, and while it's great that she's good at being an assistant to Jumin, it's empty.

It doesn't make her happy. It gives her enough money to pay for all kinds of tickets to see Zen perform, sure, but it doesn't make her feel good about life. Jaehee's route is about someone who feels like they are trapped in a job that's killing them slowly because they don't think they can dream and try something risky because that risk might just be the thing that makes them happy and fulfilled.

I understand that people get frustrated when Zen gets to have hard conversations with Jaehee. I know that a lot of people would rather see the MC complete those visuals with Zen or do it themselves, but I think it’s important to understand why Zen is the one who talks to Jaehee about dreams and passion. Zen ran away from home to chase after his dream knowing it may not happen. It took him a while to get to the point he's at today, and not that many people are lucky when they chase after their dreams. He took a huge risk, which is very scary when you could take the easier path next to it, and to him, it was the risk worth taking.

Jaehee's afraid to take risks.

Having Zen, her idol, tell her to follow her passion, made a difference. On top of that, Saeyoung helped her, too. He could see that she was miserable and he offered to do that report for her so she wouldn't have to torture herself when she finally found something that put light in her eyes. Saeyoung, Zen, and MC are the real MVPs of that route.

While those two are doing their best, you’re doing the same work in the background. You are her confidant, the person who hears her, and the one who is there at the end of the day when all is said and done and she needs somebody to listen.

That's how she starts to fall in love with you, and it's something she'll realize a little bit later after you two are working together to achieve a dream, and I think it's important to understand that. Your relationship builds from being friends to falling in love.

Yes, I understand there are jokes about them just being friends and this route being the platonic one, but I don't think people understand Mystic Messenger took a huge leap in 2016 by having a romanceable queer female route in the game. Progress is progress, and it's damn important to be happy when we have these milestones. I've seen so many other games come out after this leap was made and it's getting better with every new game that comes out that has male and female options.

I know it can feel like such a minor thing after the fact, but little jumps are what make progress happen. Whether it's the wedding in Steven Universe that was fought by tooth and nail in 2018, or with Korrasami going canon in 2014, progress comes when we fight for it. Jaehee's route is one of those moments.

Pushing Cheritz for more gave us more romantic content in the game as well.

The Valentine’s DLC for Jaehee is much more blatant and even the Christmas DLC has its moment. Better yet, the birthday images over the years have become much more forthcoming in the fact that Jaehee and MC are in a relationship. You can be proud of the little things, and you can be proud of progress, because if you don't take a moment to appreciate the little things, it feels like the world is bleak and that's no way to live.

I hate it when people misunderstand Saeyoung but that's something that's been fought over a lot over years so I don't think I need to say a lot about that. He is a multifaceted character and people limit him to being a silly guy. We all know where people go wrong with that at the end of the day and it's so much easier just to keep scrolling than it is to deal with someone who only wants to make him a joke. He isn't the butt of a joke. He's Saeyoung Choi.

However, I will say that I don't appreciate it when people don’t give him the same compassion as Saeran when it comes to his trauma. What I mean by that is I don’t see people talk about what Saeyoung suffered through because of Mother Choi—I don’t see a lot of talk about how Saeyoung was parentified and had to fight tooth and nail to take care of Saeran to the point where his identity became one in which his only reason for living was to take care of Saeran. People scratch the surface of this, but they don't get into the thick of it.

I don't see people talk about his feelings about his mother and how his parentification haunts him to this day.

When people write (Secret Ending) Saeran to be an asshole. I have a lot of squicks about him fandom wise.

I have never enjoyed people writing him out to be cruel and vindictive but that is something people have done in the past, but fortunately enough, I haven't seen many people do it in the last year or so but it was a problem back in the day and it still irks me when I think about it. I get it, a lot of what we know about him has to be built on what we think as the player since there isn't information about him after his breakdown with his brother.

As fans, we had to build his personality ourselves and figure out his perspective. I don't think there's a right or wrong way to make some content for him, but I do hate it when people go out of their way to make him cruel.

One of the reasons I wanted to start writing him in the first place was because every time I tried to read content for him, he would be such an asshole to Saeyoung. I get it. I know why people assume he would be that way, but he is baked in apathy and numbness. He does not have the energy to fight and made that abundantly clear in the end that he doesn’t have the strength to fight Saeyoung anymore. That's the main reason why he just stopped trying to... you know, get rid of himself.

His brother was never going to let him die. He accepted that he can't leave this world even if he wants to, so he's trying to make the best of what he has. He has the sky and he has ice cream, and that's pretty much all he has.

He is sullen. He may not always be forthcoming or kind people, but he doesn't have the energy to be destructive anymore. It would take a lot to upset him. You would need to push every button in the book to get him to lash out. What's the point in lashing out at everyone when it doesn't solve anything? That's not to say he doesn't have moments where he can't see anything but the past and he lashes out because he's terrified, but that's different than actively choosing to be cruel to other people.

I don't think he has many people around him other than Saeyoung and MC. He doesn't know how to interact with other people and he doesn't particularly want to start at this point because he feels like it's too late. I also don't agree with the people who imply that he would be friends with the RFA. That is where I differ with a lot of people and I'm okay with that because that's just the way I imagine things to be and I don't try to force my opinion on others.

It's nothing against the members of the RFA. I just don’t think he would want to be friends with them. Jumin and Yoosung especially. They were closest to Jihyun and Rika. It's not their fault they had that closeness with them, but because of that closeness, Saeran wouldn’t want to go near there.

Saeran killed Jihyun. We could argue up and down all day long if that was something he wanted to do when he raised that gun to defend himself thinking his brother was dead. But, he did do that even in the wrong state of mind and that's something he has to carry for the rest of his life. Jihyun was Jumin’s best friend. Saeran won't be able to look that man in the eye even if Jumin could look past it knowing the complexities of the situation.

Yoosung held Rika close after the events of the Secret Ending and shipped her off with Zen, don't get me started on how much I hate that because I write it out of anything I write with the Secret Ending. That never happens in my Secret Ending. Rika goes to jail to face the consequences of her crimes and gets some well-needed therapy for her own trauma that's been left to the wayside.

He wouldn't want to be around Zen or Jaehee, either. He stalked them for years. He put them through hell depending on the ending you're playing. He doesn't want to be around them and he doesn't want their "pity" friendship. Saeran knows they would be nice to him for Saeyoung's sake, and he doesn't want that. I get it, I love it when Saeran is friends with the RFA, but that isn't happening in the Secret Ending, I'm sorry. Your MC can be friends with them, but... I just can't say Saeran will.

It was actually a dream of mine to write a SE Saeran/Reader fic that had the characterization I wanted for years and I finally a few years ago because I said, "What the hell, people will read it if they want." If you want to see my take on SE Saeran, please, read my fic Iris, It will keep you busy for a while, it's 170k.

I've never been huge on Yooran in the context of SE Saeran/Yoosung because most of the basis is built around the Bad Ending and when I see content for them, I'm always wary of it because I know there's a subtle chance that the writer might make Saeran become an ass to everyone around him and treat Yoosung in ways I'm not going to even think about. You can write whatever you want, just tag it properly if it is an unhealthy dynamic, and back in the earlier days, there weren't a lot of warning tags so it really soured it for me given how I already felt about SE Saeran.

I do think the ship can be great when it is founded in Another Story, though. Yoosung admires Saeran and even admits to having a crush on him, and in this ending, hey, if you want to imagine Yoosung/MC/Saeran or Saeran/Yoosung post-Another Story? I would love to see it. Because, God, Yoosung treating VAE Ray and Saeran tenderly during fireworks because they're terrified of loud noises? Or, even better, I'm giddy at the thought of Yoosung and GE Saeran baking together in a French kitchen!

I have thoughts and feelings about Rika and V as well, but those don’t land most of the time for me because I have to consistently hammer home that I don’t condone what either of them did every time. Just because I try to understand their past and motivations doesn't mean I condone their bullshit. Motivation, Traumatic Backstory =/= excuses. There is no excuse for their actions and they need to face judgement for it. Hard to have a conversation about them because some people think I'm condoning or erasing their actions by trying to understand more about them as person.

So, I don't get too heavy into those two, but I will say that a lot of people don't understand Rika and V because they don't want to. I can't fault them for that, either.

I understand why most people would not want to touch them with a ten-foot pole. You are not being forced to learn more about them, why they are the way they are, or what brought them to the point in which they made their choices. If you never want to learn anything more about them, I can't blame you for that. But, if you want to talk about them in a larger capacity beyond "I hate them and I want them to go to face justice for this and that" (very valid take, by the way), it's important to understand their motivations, if nothing else.

I think they are interesting characters and I want to understand more about them because looking at Jihyun is an uncomfortable mirror for me at times. It's helped me be a better person.

#ask #mod kait #anon #AS A REMINDER THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND FEELINGS YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE

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xerith-42 · 1 year ago

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Some Slightly More Coherent Thoughts about Void Paradox

Riveting title, I know, but this is the quality content I'm sure... 50 of you signed up for? When the fuck...? How are there so many of you?? And in spite of that title, this post is still long as fuck

Anyways I finished Void Paradox and it sure made me feel a certain way. [Cut to footage of me literally screaming anytime Laurance showed emotion in the series]. Gotta say, as a long time Laurance fan, this is really nice to have. I've been going on my tirades about how Jess ruined Laurance for the sake of Aaron, and how Laurance never really bounced back from this character assassination, but I wasn't entirely right. He sort of bounced back?

Well, we got this. I still would have liked Laurance in Love-Love Paradise but I guess I'll take him in this series. And honestly, it's the best Laurance content I've gotten that isn't fan content since... well, since I first watched the show back in 2015 when I was a literal fetus. Every time after I've gone back and watched as Laurance got written poorly from honestly really early episodes sometimes (looking at you Episode 65), and had to deal with the unfortunate truth that he was essentially unimportant to the story Jess decided to tell with both her series, despite being the main character of one of them.

It's so refreshing to have quality Laurance content, and we got a variety of it in this show. He's so expressive, so alive, so emotional. I've always loved Laurance because surprise surprise, the men in my life weren't always the most emotionally vulnerable, so I latched onto fictional men who were as a coping mechanism! Yayyy! And Laurance has always been a very emotionally vulnerable character, at least in the beginning. It's part of the tragedy that is his character arc in Season 2. That Laurance is usually vulnerable, that he's the one who's always willing to talk about his emotions, but the calling is making it harder to open up, and the world has only become crueler to men like him who dare to feel too much.

Wow I just keep sliding into depressing content in this post, I'm trying to praise Laurance's writing in this series. Because it's good. I have my problems with Void Paradox as a whole, but as a showing for my favorite character in the entire Aphverse, a chance at redemption, it's fantastic. As I said Laurance is so expressive in this series, largely thanks to Sebastian Todd being an absolutely phenomenal voice actor who clearly knows and cares about this character. His performance is absolutely excellent and a great high note for this character to go off on.

I cannot emphasize how much I adore every little thing about Laurance's portrayal. The flirtiness, the smug bastard energy, the very sincere and open care, that one scene where he gets super embarrassed and then whimpers that I haven't listened to like eighteen times. The whole thing is great. His dynamic with this alternate version of Aphmau is so good, it's so great to see him bounce off of other characters. I just love it so much.

That scene where he realizes that he's in a similar scenario to the Nether and literally instantly jumps to "If it comes down to it, let me sacrifice myself," I SCREAMED AT THIS. The whole series whenever he angsts over his old world I scream, but that line really hit me. Fuck whatever you say about Laurmau in every universe, the universal truth of Laurmau, nay the universal truth of Laurance is this;

"I would sacrifice myself so you could live in every universe."

That's Laurance! That's Laurance with literally anyone you want!! This is the best characterization Laurance has ever gotten. It's consistent with his character, and I love the fact that Mod Aphmau doesn't even let him finish his consideration of self-sacrifice, she just shuts it down and it's a great contrast to what Laurance is used to. I adore how that's what he jumps to, I adore the fact that he's as clueless as I am about the lore this season, I love the rivals esque thing he's got going on with Jaiden, that was fun. Lotta potential there. This was just a good time. I cannot emphasize how delightful Laurance was in this series. How his delightful presence is the most enjoyable thing in the series, and a literal blessing unto us all.

Wasn't it nice to feel good about an Aphmau series for like.. two minutes. Anyways here's the part where I get a little salty with Jess, as per usual. I'm not going to go too in depth on my problems with Void Paradox as a story because it's mercifully short and a lot of my complaints did come from a standpoint of not knowing any of the lore of Mod Mod World which might have hindered my full ability to understand the larger story.

I can however get VERY salty about the fact that I didn't even know Void Paradox was a thing that had Laurance in it until 2024!! It came out in 2018! How did this happen? Well the answer is very simple, the cause is the bane of my very existence. My Street Season 6 When Angels Fall. [I am shaking with rage]

I know you've likely read how much I can tear into season 2 Episode 95, and oh my Irene can I tear into that episode, but there's a similar but differently visceral emotion When Angels Fall makes me feel. Let's call it a sort of divine rage. And now, I have one more reason to hate it. Because Void Paradox, a series with actual quality content, was released at the same time as whatever the fuck that was, meaning it never had a chance.

For a bit of personal context, I briefly became active in the Aphmau fanbase when this season came out and during the time leading up to it. I had seen every season of My Street, and despite not being the biggest fan of where Jess took the series, I liked a lot of the characters and was invested in where they would go from here. I was knee deep in the My Street trenches when the many many different bombs dropped. Melissa dying but then she didn't but maybe she did and I literally spent hours arguing with people on this, Ein is turning everyone evil, there's a doomsday device, forever potion nonsense is happening, Travis' dad is evil maybe, Aaron is going insane, the multiverse is falling apart, and then Jess just killed the best character in the entire series, dare I say the entire Aphverse, dare I say the entire universe of existence as we know it--

It was a lot. And in all the chaos Void Paradox just... came out. It came out right before episode 9 of When Angels Fall came out. And anyone else who was there during the war... they know what that episode did to us. What it did to me. I wasn't the same after that episode came out. I felt like I had lost a part of myself. Something I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get back...

And as a result, I and a lot of people didn't see Void Paradox. Looking at the numbers, Void Paradox struggled to get above 1 million viewers for most episodes, while the lowest viewed episode of When Angels Fall sits at a cozy 2.9 million as an established series. Void Paradox is objectively better as a series and deserves to have a second season. We deserve to explore more of the weird ideas Jess clearly had while making it, we deserve to know if a cure can be found, and we, or maybe just me and I'm feeling selfish here, deserve to know if Laurance is okay.

Jess has already taken one comfort character away from me. I'll be damned if she takes another.

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therecordconnection · 3 months ago

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The Comeback Kid, the Midwest Princess, and the Shared Horrors of Online Parasocial Interaction

On September 28th, the long-running NBC sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live will be starting its fiftieth season. In anticipation, NBC recently revealed the first five guest hosts and musical guests that will kick off the anniversary season. There are some neat combos: Jean Smart and Jelly Roll, Michael Keaton and Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande and Stevie Nicks. I haven’t followed SNL for years, but I’m sure people will enjoy those episodes.

However, the one that really grabbed my attention was John Mulaney and Chappell Roan, which is scheduled for Saturday, November 5th. On the surface, those two have absolutely nothing in common with each other, but upon thinking about it a little, I can’t think of a more apt celebrity of the current moment to pair up with Roan. Why? Because both of those two have experienced being utterly adored and obsessed over by the internet. Both of them also had to endure what happened when the internet decided to turn on them, eat them alive, and spit them back out when people were forced to stop imagining the idealized version they made up and remove them from the pedestal they were placed upon. When the internet was forced to reconcile with the fact that Mulaney and Roan are flawed, flesh-and-blood humans as opposed to the perfect and imaginary versions they invented for those people, the love and adoration for both of them stopped. I found that connection utterly fascinating.

We’ll start with Mulaney, since he’s had it bad, but nowhere near as bad as Roan has. Back in the early-to-mid 2010s, I hadn’t watched either of the major stand-up specials (New In Town and The Comeback Kid) that made him omnipresent in the culture, but I can absolutely tell you that I’ve seen every single frame from them in picture form, due to how often screenshots from those specials were posted online. Whether they were just shared as its own post or used as a response to another post, I became incredibly aware of Mulaney and the major bits from those specials. I’ve still never seen those specials, but I can quote major parts of them through pop culture osmosis alone. I remember being present for all of that.

I also remember being present for when the internet, Tumblr especially, did a complete X-Games caliber Frontside 180 on that guy in 2021. It was weird and it only made me think of the same question Thugnificent once asked on The Boondocks: Man, what did he do to make them that mad?

The answer ended up being both simple and complicated. The simple answer is that a big part of Mulaney’s stand-up persona was built on being what is known as a “Wife Guy”. His marriage to artist Anna Marie Tendler factored into the bulk of his comedy and that’s what people latched onto. This guy was super happy to tell you how great his marriage is and relay all the crazy adventures that happen in marriage. That wasn’t the only thing he based material around, but a lot of the dude’s most beloved bits had something or everything to do with his wife, their relationship, and their marital bliss. A “Wife Guy” normally uses his wife and milks that relationship in order to gain fans and get fame (there are dudes on Instagram doing this play as we speak), and that would certainly be true of Mulaney... if he wasn’t already notable for having been a writer on SNL from 2008 to 2013. He contributed to a lot of the best known sketches from that time. He was in The Lonely Island’s video for “Like a Boss.” He co-created the Stefon character with Bill Hader. He was doing stand-up long before he married Tendler, so it’s not like his entire career and source of fame is tied to her. He just got married and started writing observational comedy about married life, a thing you do when that major life event happens and you’re a comedian looking for anecdotes. Also, Tendler, it’s worth noting, was and still is an artist in her own right, both before and after her marriage to him. But since Mulaney didn’t achieve superstar status until after the specials started happening, the internet came to know him as “the guy who really loves telling you about wife and how marriage is going.”

Now, wouldn’t it be crazy if, oh I don’t know, dude ended the marriage with the woman that he wrote all of that material about at some point? That would be crazy right? Probably wouldn’t happen, right? I mean, he sounds so happy talking about her during those comedy sets! Once you’re married that’s it! That's the endgame! The Mulaney/Tendler marriage is gonna be the next Johnny and June!

I say all of that because the marriage didn’t last. Mulaney and Tendler divorced in 2021. Based on reports at the time, it didn’t sound like it was amicable...

Fans online were shocked when this happened. For a number of reasons. This is where the complicated part of the answer comes in. In 2020, Mulaney had checked himself into a rehab facility to address alcohol addiction and cocaine abuse. The public didn’t know that until he left rehab in February 2021. A few months after that, news broke that Mulaney and Tendler’s marriage would be ending after six years. Again, it didn’t sound like it was amicable, mostly due to Tendler flat out being quoted in Vanity Fair as saying, “I am heartbroken that John has decided to end our marriage. … I wish him support and success as he continues recovery.” I heard that news and had a perfectly normal reaction to it: “Damn. That sucks, but breakups happen. I’m sure they’ll be alright.” I promptly moved on after that, but some people online felt personally betrayed and thought he was a piece of shit for immediately leaving her after she had supported him through relapse and eventual recovery. I don’t know either of these people and also don’t care how two adults I don’t know choose to conduct themselves and their relationship/divorce. I just want to hear Mulaney do the bit about the guy playing Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat?” on a diner jukebox some fifty-something times (with one “It’s Not Unusual” peppered in there at some point).

But the thing that really seemed to piss off fans and internet denizens came with the secret third surprise: Mulaney started dating actress Olivia Munn shortly after that divorce announcement... Oh! And also that she’s pregnant with his kid. That’s a wicked fast turnaround! There were rumors of infidelity on Mulaney’s part, but most of those rumors only really ended up being hearsay and never had much (or any) confirmation attached. But, for a moment, it looked like Mulaney was living a real life version of Usher’s “Confessions Part 2.” He and Munn got married earlier this year. Good for them.

I remember the Comeback Kid being yeeted off that pedestal at dizzying speeds as soon as all of this happened. He’s still a popular comedian, mind you, that’s one big reason why he’s gonna be a guest host on SNL (for the sixth time) in a little over a month. But I remember reading posts from people who were being Absolutely Normal About It(tm) online and voicing how betrayed they felt and how shitty he is and how he “definitely cheated on his ex-wife.” The biggest and most common genre of post I saw were from people who now thought his career was built on one giant lie, that he basically used his wife to get famous and then betrayed and dumped her when the time was right. I don’t think that’s what happened at all. A good number of comedians make anecdotes and build sets and bits around married life, Mulaney was just the white hot star of the moment getting really popular from doing that kind of thing. Plus, marriages end all the time, for any number of reasons. I don’t doubt all the anecdotes and happiness Mulaney displayed was a giant lie. He was happy, then he wasn’t, then he chose to end their marriage for whatever reason. Your neighbors and coworkers could do the exact same thing and the internet isn’t going to go insane over it. But that’s what happened! People saw “the ultimate Wife Guy” got divorced, started dating somebody new, moved on with his life, and felt like this was now just a Hollywood playboy leaving his old wife for a new model. He’s been continuing his stand-up comedy career up to the present moment and is still doing fine for himself, but I remember all of this really starting the conversation surrounding celebrity worship and how we don’t actually know these people. I know John Mulaney (Comedian), but I don’t know John Mulaney (Just a Guy in the World), you know? I also distinctly remember the word “parasocial” becoming much more present in the lexicon when all of this happened, and we’re all worse for it, because it’s now been overused to hell and it doesn’t have any of the original meaning left intact (the internet does this for every single new buzzword it learns). Watching somebody and enjoying their personality and following their career isn’t “parasocial,” but it does become that when you suddenly think said person is your friend and you think you know them better than they do. That’s when it gets weird.

Last thing on Mulaney. Apparently, all of this stuff I’ve been talking about is topical again because Anna Marie Tendler just recently released her memoir, Men Have Called Her Crazy (not the most incredible celebrity memoir title, but still a pretty good one), last month. In it, she details her mental health journey and her experiences in a psychiatric hospital after her divorce... but I’m willing to bet a good chunk of change that people will only really want to read it so they can learn about the end of her marriage to Mulaney and hope it talks about how much he sucks and how he definitely betrayed her and left her scorned. I haven’t read the book, and in all honesty I don’t have much interest in celebrity memoirs, so I think I’ll be skipping that one. I can tell you that the internet is still definitely not normal about either Mulaney, Tendler, or Munn in the slightest. The Slate article “Uh-Oh, People Are Being Weird About John Mulaney and Olivia Munn Again” did a good job at filling me in on some things regarding that strange triangle(?) and it’s worth the read if you want a more in-depth version of that whole story. The wildest part of all this is that back in Spring of last year, Munn had made the announcement that she had been diagnosed with an aggressive variation of breast cancer. She got a bunch of surgeries to combat it and as far as I’m aware, she’s doing fine! Which is good and I’m happy to hear that! The bad part is that Munn apparently announced this right around the time Tendler announced Men Have Caller Her Crazy was coming out... to quote Slate: “Most, of course, were sending Munn and Mulaney well wishes. But some distasteful posters instead saw Munn’s illness as karmic payback for Mulaney’s supposed maltreatment of Tendler. Others even found the timing of Munn’s statement to be shady, accusing her of attempting to steal the shine from Tendler’s memoir announcement.”

Positively normal one right there, guys. I highly doubt Munn waited until the perfect time to drop that bombshell on us. I doubt Munn even really cared or was even aware that Men Have Called Her Crazy was coming out. Why would she give a shit about a book written by her now-husband’s ex-wife? Does she even know who Tendler is beyond “my husband’s ex wife”?

The whole thing just reeks of reaching super hard for reasons to hate somebody that you don’t know. But hey! Speaking of hate, don’t you just hate it when your fans are really weird and don’t understand respecting boundaries and privacy? Don’t you just hate it when your fans think they’re putting pieces together and figuring things out? Don’t you just hate it when your fans make up completely preposterous things about you and act really weird about the choices you make in your life when they have absolutely zero say in how you conduct your business and relationships? You know who might be able to relate to John Mulaney in those ways? Chappell Roan. I’m sure they’d have a lot to talk about at SNL when it comes to people online being weird about them.

Let’s talk Chappell Roan, Your Favorite Artist’s Favorite Artist. The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess is the name of the debut album that shot Roan to fame back at the start of this past summer... but you could just as easily use it to describe the way her entire summer played out. It feels like I watched an entire three act stage play unfold in real time. Act I was the early days of summer, when I was first introduced to Roan via my sister playing me “Good Luck, Babe” and “Red Wine Supernova” for the first time. Act II began with the absolute breakneck speed at which she attained popularity in the mainstream consciousness. Every time a music festival happened this summer, news sites were quick to tell you all about what Chappell Roan did for her performance and how it went. It helped that she dressed up in wildly elaborate and different costumes every time. Some highlights include: Paying homage to drag queen icon Divine at Kentuckiana Pride, dressing as a wrestler at Lollapalooza (I lovingly called this one, “Gay Bane from Batman”), and my personal favorite, the Statue of Liberty at the Governors Ball. In a short amount of time, that woman captured the imagination of everybody. My brother and his wife are not pop music listeners in the slightest and even they were under the spell of Miss. Roan. Act II was fun and immediately set up Act III when Roan made two TikTok videos going into detail about how weird fans were becoming towards her and how she was feeling increasingly unsafe and uncomfortable with everything. She detailed a lot of upsetting and invasive behavior from fans and started a conversation about current celebrity culture, respecting boundaries, and recognizing that fans are not entitled to anything from the person they’re a fan of and shouldn’t be upset when a fan doesn’t immediately grovel and give them what they want. If for some reason you haven’t seen these two videos, you can view those here and here. The main message can be summed up like this: Leave me alone and stop being so fucking weird. (Spoiler: People are still being really weird. When the internet is told not to do something, people just do it even more.)

We’ve now reached the point in Act III where if she even says anything regarding how she’s been treated in recent months and how she feels about it, pretty much everybody will tell her some variation of, “Oh, God, just shut up and quit whining already.” Part of this stems from media outlets sensationalizing the entire thing and really only interested in the bad parts. Interviewers and reporters aren’t really interested in her music much, like they were a few months prior. Did you know that she had a great performance at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards? You might have! She came out in a suit of armor, she had a whole castle setup on stage and even made it look like it was being lit on fire! It was cool. But I’m willing to bet you heard more about her being harassed by a photographer on the red carpet and telling him to shut the fuck up after he yelled at her. Fun stuff.

We’ve also reached the point in Act III where the internet has decided to turn from overwhelming adoration and obsession to looking for any reason to despise her. You know that thing internet users like to do when they want to turn heel on a famous person? You know, that thing users do where they look for any moral reason to justify why they now hate said famous person? Even if they have to stretch more than Mr. Fantastic in order to do it? Yeah! Well, don’t worry, the internet has done that classic play with Roan as well. Take your pick! Would you like to go the route of “Is Chappell Roan actually queer or is she just appropriating drag?” RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 16 contestant Plane Jane went that route. Bold move! That was a take that landed her the coveted “Main Character on Twitter For the Day” award! If you don’t like that option, you could always go the political route with “Chappell Roan is a ‘both sides are evil’ kind of person and is actually Republican”, despite the fact that she never said that and there’s no evidence that she’s fully blue or red. Instead, she opted to advocate for the importance of voting, using your brain, and being critical of both parties; to not fall into the trappings of blind loyalty. If people actually read full articles (and if said articles were accessible to people and without fucking paywalls!) maybe people might know what Roan actually said in the Rolling Stone cover story where she talked about the upcoming election and how she isn’t publicly endorsing any candidate:

“Right now, it’s more important than ever to use your vote, and I will do whatever it takes to protect people’s civil rights, especially the LGBTQ+ community,” she tells me in August. “My ethics and values will always align with that, and that hasn’t changed with a different nominee. I feel lucky to be alive during an incredibly historical time period when a woman of color is a presidential nominee.”

She was also very adamant in a Guardian interview about paying attention to smaller places, your own city, and using your critical thinking skills when casting your vote:

“I have so many issues with our government in every way,” she says. “There are so many things that I would want to change. So I don’t feel pressured to endorse someone. There’s problems on both sides. I encourage people to use your critical thinking skills, use your vote – vote small, vote for what’s going on in your city.” The change she wants to see in the US in this election year, she says instantly, is “trans rights. They cannot have cis people making decisions for trans people, period.”

For the record, I absolutely think Roan is correct. Anybody advocating for “use your brains, people!” is a winner in my book. Neo-Liberals with terminal brain rot really don’t like when you’re critical of Democrats in any way. If you're critical of Harris or disagree with her on some things, that's healthy and perfectly. That's how you're supposed to view politicians, even the ones you may really like and may have respect for. They need to be criticized and called out when they're being foolish, which is a big reason why Roan declined the invite to the White House’s Pride event back in June. From Rolling Stone:

"Roan opted to turn down the invite, though there were some who misread what she felt was a pretty clear message. 'I saw a couple of TikToks where they were like, So she's pro Trump?' Roan's face contorts into disgust. 'It is not so black and white that you hate one and you like the other. No matter how you say it, people are still going to be pissed for fucking some reason. I'm not going to the White House because I am not going to be a monkey for Pride. And thank God I didn't go because they just made a huge statement about trans kids a couple weeks ago,' she says, referring to the Biden administration stating its opposition to gender-affirming surgery for transgender minors in June (The administration would walk back those comments a month later.)"

I can tell you this with confidence because I’ve lived long enough to see this play again and again and again. Whenever the internet turns on someone, they always make them seem like a giant flaming ball of shit, because it’s apparently not enough to just say, “I think they’re annoying” or “I really don’t care about what’s going on with them.” Going the “they have shitty politics but I don’t have credible sources for that” route is a surefire winner. And also, because I won’t get another chance to say this, for twenty years we continue to circle back around to that classic Dave Chappelle bit about caring too much about what celebrities think, citing when TRL asked Ja Rule what his thoughts, feelings, and reactions to 9/11 were in late 2001. Dave summed it up perfectly: “Who gives a fuck what Ja Rule thinks at a time like this!?” Roan herself thinks that the responsibility of voting and learning who is worthy of your vote isn't in her hands but the hands of people and fans. People twisted her words from interviews so much that she had to go to TikTok (again) and make videos clarifying that she's not publicly endorsing anybody and relying on a pop star to tell you who to vote for is a dumb move. You can watch those two videos here and here. It fucking sucks that she had to do that because, and this is just me, I thought she made herself pretty damn clear. But in the wake of the Harris campaign co-opting Charli XCX's whole "Brat Summer" meme and Taylor Swift publicly endorsing her via Instagram, I imagine Roan felt she had to make things even more clear regarding where she stands politically. I hate to break it to you, but there’s a non-zero chance that many young voters will cast their ballots for Kamala Harris specifically because Taylor Swift told them to. Anything that gets people to vote is a positive, but the blind loyalty stan culture on display from doing what a pop star fave tells you to do is not. Roan rejected that and is now getting burned for not being the made-up version of Chappell Roan that people invented. It sucks. I feel bad for her.

The online opinion and complete turn around on Chappell Roan happened almost as quickly as her rise to stardom happened. At least Mulaney had close to a decade before people online got weird and turned on him for no reason. She was completely and utterly adored and obsessed over by the masses. She was placed on a pink pedestal fit for a Midwest Princess... until she asked that people stop being so weird and to stop harassing her and making her uncomfortable. After that, the masses were forced to look at her not as Chappell Roan, the hot lesbian drag queen dressing up in elaborate costumes and doing cheers and dances to some of the best pop music of this year, but as Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, a regular human woman in her mid-twenties who has had her life completely turned upside down and is just trying to keep up with the giant wave she’s riding; a woman who is now being called “entitled” and “ungrateful” all because she demanded there be boundaries between musician and fan, which is a normal thing for people to ask for and have respected.

Time is a flat circle, history repeats, and part of me can’t help but wonder if Mulaney and Roan are being paired together as host and guest on SNL on purpose specifically because somebody noticed their experiences with weird fans that don’t understand boundaries or speculate and make shit up about them is exactly the same in some regards. All of it sucks and it shouldn’t happen, famous or not, but there’s at least some positive aspects to find here. John Mulaney is doing fine. People are still weird about him online sometimes, but his career isn’t hurting and he seems happy and content with Olivia Munn and their toddler son. Good for him. Chappell Roan has had many other pop star women reach out to her to voice their support, check in on her, and express that she isn’t in the wrong at all for asking for boundaries and asking that people stop their weird behavior. She’s apparently bonded with Sabrina Carpenter in recent days, that other pop star that shot into the stratosphere this past summer and is trying to handle the massive amounts of fame that came with it. I think that’s nice. From what I’ve seen, Carpenter seems like a nice gal. I’m happy those two have each other to confide in and relate to. I hope it helps both of them, but especially Roan, considering that it just got announced that she’s been diagnosed with severe depression, which isn’t shocking to me in the slightest and shouldn’t be shocking to you, given what she’s been through as of late.

As for where the Chappell Roan story is headed, she is up for the Album of the Year Grammy this coming year, but has expressed that she doesn’t want to win it: “I’m kind of hoping I don’t win, because then everyone will get off my ass: ‘See guys, we did it and we didn’t win, bye!’ I won’t have to do this again!” I totally get that. If she wins, I kinda hope she pulls a Bo Burnham and doesn’t even go to the show. What I want is for her to disappear for five years and come back with the weirdest, most off putting Kate Bush/Bjork/Mitski-ass album ever conceived and just use it as a test to see who the real fans are. If not that, my hope is that her happy ending is in the Carly Rae Jepsen route, where the world at large only remembers her for her own “Call Me Maybe” (I don’t know what the Chappell Roan equivalent would be) but a dedicated cult of online pop music nerds prop her up, keep her working and, more importantly, keep her as happy and as (moderately) famous as she’d like to be, if at all. That’s my hope for her. Fame is a real bitch and I hope once the wave finally dies, she ends up being okay. Pop music has enough dark and twisted stories to tell until the final embers go out. Roan doesn’t need to be one of those dark stories and I hope she isn't. I hope she has a good time on SNL. Maybe she’ll get to meet John Mulaney. Maybe they can chat about how weird people on the internet are towards them. Maybe she’ll find another famous person who has been there and understands and cares. That would be nice.

Good luck, babe.

#original post #essay #john mulaney #chappell roan

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blindrapture · 1 month ago

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Opeth: The Last Will and Testament

Opeth's new album came out! and I got it in the mail.

I've listened to it twice now and it's getting its hooks in me. it's a fascinating little thing. it's exactly 50 minutes long and is easily the densest piece of music Opeth have ever put out. it reminds me of Jethro Tull's Thick as a Brick in terms of sheer density, and also hey by complete coincidence this album guest stars Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson (on flute and spoken-word parts). it also stars the lead singer of fucking Europe for some backing vocals. "The Final Countdown," the guy who sings that, he's on this album.

this album sounds nothing like I expected. well, no, I'm pretty familiar with Opeth's work by now and this album is entirely in keeping with what they like to do. but there's still something surprising, paradoxically, about the fact this album sounds like what I expected the album to sound like if someone took the concept really seriously. because I didn't expect the concept to be taken that seriously! I don't really know Opeth for their concept work! they can tell a story, sure, and they can make comically cryptic lyrics that aren't supposed to be all that cryptic, but.

well, again, it's like Thick as a Brick! it's almost a dry joke, it's a clear concept and it takes it very seriously and just commits to it!

look at this. the lyric booklet folds out into this beautiful thing.

look at that! that's a full-on last will and testament (of a fictional character), and that's the lyrics to this album.

this album tells a story, but it tells it entirely in epistolary form, through found objects. this will and testament is the majority of the album, and a private letter is the final song.

it's a cool idea. it removes a lot of the drama, since the actual narrative here is of a bunch of adults standing in a stuffy room hearing this will and testament being read aloud. but it still uses that to provide drama! this man's life was strained! and his three children are going to find out some things!

I'm.. I'm gonna talk about the plot. technically spoilers, but c'mon, come and listen to this.

this is cuck metal. this isn't a rock opera, this is a cuck opera. this is a fucking story about a great cuck of a man. the kids aren't really his kids. and he waits until he fucking dies to tell them that. he was a cuck!

that's a funny way of putting it, yes. but not inaccurate. this was a very rich english man, a very conservative man with strong beliefs in heritage and legacy, and he struggles with that as he agrees to raise these two sons that his wife had without him. and he instead latches onto his daughter, who he had with his handmaid-- he cheated on his wife for this, because he needed to have an heir. and this daughter comes into life "disfigured" but healthy. she has some sort of chronic illness or disorder, I don't think it's specified, but she will live a full life, and this father accepts that and loves her. and it is to her that he leaves his estate, his funds, everything. the sons get worthless but sentimental trinkets. the daughter gets everything.

so the actual last will and testament gradually reveals all that. in it, the father alludes to the love affairs, the secrets he and his wife kept, his feelings about bloodlines, his jealousies, his frustrations, and he leaves everything to his daughter.

but then the final song takes place later. the daughter is now living in the estate, her estate. and she receives a letter from that handmaid, her mother. and the letter tells her some things too. her "father" was infertile. he fucked the handmaid, but nothing came of it. she, instead, came from a poor father, the handmaid's actual lover. but the handmaid told the rich patriarch that this child was his, so that he would agree to care for her and keep her alive. so in the end, all that obsession with bloodlines was tragic. the patriarch was infertile!!!! he left everything to Just Some Fucking Kid! and never knew!

and that's!!! how the fucking story ends!

I love this so much. I love the way this plot is told. I think it's so fascinating a choice.

but then! what about the music? y'know, the proof of the music is in the listening, so what is it like to listen to?

well!!!

it's.. fucking dense!!! it is so dense!!! a thick soundscape of emotion, kept under a stiff upper lip as we just have so much more to get to. it's appropriate to the concept.

there's flute on here, there's mellotron, there's a live string section, there's hand-claps and some of the sweetest basslines I've heard in a long time. there's wild drums that go nuts at the slightest provocation. there's frequent chugging guitars that keep the action moving forward. and there's vocals. there's fucking vocals. the vocals are a constant back-and-forth between folksy evil and soulful crooning, and beyond that they're a constant back-and-forth between clean and GROWLS Opeth has GROWLS again!!! Opeth hasn't had growls since fucking 2008!!!! and if you've never heard Opeth's growling vocals before, ohhh my goddd they're so good, they're so pronounced and controlled and fierce.

but the word of this album is "dense." you gotta keep that word in mind. it is proggy to a perfect pulp, it throws everything at you, your first listen won't even be a rollercoaster, it'll be an onslaught of ideas and sensations. this is an album that requires multiple listens. I need to give it plenty more. it comes and goes very fast, you have no idea where the music is going to go, and every moment is filled with details in a rich mix. it could be downright overwhelming. absolutely.

but for me??? for me???? for me this is christmas. this is exactly the kind of album I've been craving. this album is a challenge, something to sink my teeth into, something to track and interpret every way 'til sunday. and it's an immediately rewarding challenge, because it's not noise music or anything like that, it's prog rock!!! it's smooth classy rock music! all the elements are recognizable, everything is familiar! when I revisit a song and dig into a passage, I'm rewarded with "oh I just noticed the guitar does this really cool riff here!" the whole album is that!

it's fucking FUN!!!

this album is FUN!!!

this is music to HAVE FUN LISTENING TO!

I will leave you with the album's single. because I gotta demonstrate what I'm talking about. if you read all this, I want you to hear the music!

here is Paragraph 1, here is how the album begins.

youtube

so I've gotta listen to this album more.

thank you, Opeth!!!

#opeth #and if i had to slap this album onto my little “opeth tier list” right now-- after only two listens #I'd probably put it in A. right now it's an A. it's above Sorceress. it's above Deliverance. it might be above Heritage too.#that much is easy.#is it above In Cauda Venenum? Pale Communion? is it S-tier? I don't know. I need more time for that.#but dammit I have various parts of the album stuck in my head.#most frequently it's that damn chorus to Paragraph 1. THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF FAAAAATHERRRR

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