#Endgame and No Way Home didn’t even make me THIS upset

[clonedchaos]

This scene legitimately broke me. The way his tendril lingers for a minute on the debris, Eddie reaches out for one last touch of his best friend, like damn Venom of all things shouldn’t get me this choked up— I’m actually crying.

Like I expected this outcome from this movie— the title and tagline heavily implies it—but now that it actually happened I’m still shocked. I longed so much throughout the course of this movie for Venom and Eddie to get that happy domestic life they wanted— even if that may not exactly happen as they plan.

It’s a bittersweet ending, sure, but Gods did it absolutely mess me up. Venom was Eddie’s rock. Now that he’s gone… what will he do?

*I’m on my knees begging, please bring them back and let them be happy.

VENOM 3 SPOILERS!!!!!

i think this scene got me the most. what the fuck did i just watch

okay venom has like 6 of those in him all while spraying himself with ACID and his FIRST FUXKING REFLEX IS TO REACH FOR EDDIE. venom probably has all of these things thoughts, their anger, their connection to whatshisface, their desperation to get out and get away, hes using every ounce of energy to keep him in WHILE forcing the military fucker to continue the acid spray. yet he still looks to eddie through his pain, he reaches for eddie in this moment of self sacrifice.

THIS MAKES ME ILL. I DONT EVEN??? IM SPEECHLESS??? i cant even put into words how this makes me feel. only for venom to reach past eddie to cover him with the debris, protecting him from the acid and explosion☹️

eddie's look back too, like hes genuinely in shock at what venom is doing, he cant fully grasp what is happening im gahhh uggghh what the fuck

EVERYTHING FOR EDDIE GOES SILENT TOO??? venom and the creature's screeching isnt heard hes hyper focused on the tendril im sick to my stomach dont even look at me

[ask-missparker]

I Remember It All Too Well..

SpiderMan Far From Home

Setting: Phase 3– Post Endgame

Continuing this post

~

Pairing: Quinten Beck x Amelia M. Parker

~~~

Take a break she says, it’ll be fun she says..

Nothing on the schedule said anything about being dragged into SHIELD work, taking care of a bunch of teenagers and seeing in person you haven’t talked to in years…

It was late at night.

Most of the students and teachers were at the hotel probably asleep, and here stood Amelia taking a walk, scouting the sights for the trip. As well as snapping pictures for Fury.

She wasn’t even technically working for Fury anymore and yet, she was still be given orders by her old boss. Hill wasn’t even far behind.

And what made it worse than Fury’s orders, was the man that was supposedly working with them on this new project.

Beck.

She swear that moment she heard his name and saw his face, she froze. His hair was longer than she thought, his built was carved out within a green silk suit, and the polished attuned ways of talking to them.

Every word he uttered could’ve easily been a lie.

But then again, she wasn’t seen him in years. Hell, they didn’t really know too much about one another, as their relationship only lasted a few short months.

She wish she could just—

“Didn’t expect to see you here at this timely hour?”

She whipped her head around to notice him floating down from the steps and catching up to her feet quickly enough. He took that moment to study her features, her hair was darker, her facial expression were more angular than her softer appearance years before, and her eyes still spoke the same tone of the day they first held hands.

Beck couldn’t resist the sudden thought of the moment he stupidly broke her heart. He broke up with the girl over a text message and kept her scarf from the very first week, as it seemed like innocence, but smelled like her.

Everything felt like a blur now.

Each bad moment seemed like a thousand words different from the good.

Blurry lines and blurry images came into play as he watched her eyes scan his very own.

“Is this the part where you tell me that you were wrong and I was right? That you shouldn’t have stood there clueless when I walked in.” Amelia responded ever so softly and shrugged.

He sighed as a small scoff came under his lips, “I had no clue you were coming here. I didn’t even want you to get in involved with any of this.”

“A little too late…”

“Yeah, right, I didn’t want anyone in there to suspect that we had something going on beforehand. So I had to act stupid, sorry.”

“Alright. I guess that’s fair…you look, good.”

“I feel good…you um, you look like you haven’t aged a day. Still the same pretty face I met all those years ago.”

She scoffed as a light smile brushed against her face, “Flattery will get you nowhere, Beck.”

“Eh, had to try to make up for earlier.” He replied, smiling, as he declared that he’ll follow beside on this walk.

“…you don’t have to walk with me. I can handle myself.”

“I know. But I want to. I want to…apologize for everything.”

“Hmm how so?”

“I wasn’t sure what I had until I lost you twice..I wished that I was good enough to realize it.”

“Tell me more, tell me something I don’t know…”

“I was upset, confused and frustrated…I wasn’t appreciative of you, how you treated me so well…”

“We both had issues..I’m sorry if I offended you any further than I did, especially when we fought..”

“And I forgive you for it.”

The two smiled and nodded.

“You remember how much you would waste my time?” He said softly chuckled.

She looked at him lightly chuckling, “We wasted it right. I would take you out for coffee and you would cuddle with me at the cafe.”

“Then I would take us to my place for computer sessions, securing models for my new ideas…and I would’ve ordered us some burgers…I miss those days..I wished I told you that before..”

“Then time went on, we got busy, we would fight..I thought…I just wished you cared a little more, where you could stayed longer...I got tired waiting for us to move forward or do something else..”

“But you liked it…coming over to my place when nobody was home, find me coding or working on a new invention..we would just stay a while on the floor working…”

“Yeah..”

“You know, I did want us to eventually move forward, do something bigger…I wanted to buy us a bigger space..i had a gift for you too..”

That struck a chord with Amelia.

“A gift?” She asked, looking over her shoulder at his tall frame.

He half smiled, “I had a bracelet...I was planning on giving to you some time that summer..but I broke it off..”

��Why did you?”

“Hm?”

“Why did you break off with me? Over text? I tried calling but you never answered.”

“I just wasn’t in the right place at the time…work was hard, we were both very busy…I just wasn’t thinking straight.”

“And you weren’t even honest enough to tell me more about you..”

“The being from another earth thing..yeah, I was gonna tell you soon. But it never came up.”

“Which I don’t believe is fully true and neither is the power thing. But I will go along with whatever it is that you’re saying.”

The two just looked at each other, staring into one another’s eyes as if searching for answers…

—

———

Ahh that’s all folks! Let me know what you think 💭

TAGS: @blueboirick @rickb-chaos @missstrawbs2001 @purpleprincessonfyre @ask-starrk @meiramel @gcthvile @cherrysft @wizzzardofoz @luna-d-marsh

[tojikai]

OH GOD KAI… (sorry in advance for the thesis that is this message)

I know that Satoru always plays it safe with condoms/plan B but birth control isn’t 100% 😭 she could still be pregnant 😭

I’m going to find comfort in the fact that Satoru probably would’ve had a more emotional reaction on the spot if Naomi was pregnant. (I’m coping so hard right now) I’m hoping that Satoru finally cuts his mother out for good and let’s his father know how fucking disgusting she is.

I can’t imagine what Satoru was thinking. The woman that raised him using him as a security blanket for her own selfishness and then the woman he thought he could have a companion in proving that she’ll do whatever it takes to tie him to her even if it’s not what he wants. aside from himself… who does he really have as a support system? he has his therapist yeah, but that’s not the same as having your person. my heart definitely goes out to him.

What the fuck was Naomi calling his mom for??? “Hey I tried to r*pe your son and it didn’t work and he’s really angry what do we do now?” YOU made the decision to follow through with it knowing damn well he doesn’t love you, you own it. don’t try to blame literally everyone else for your cruel actions because no one forced her to do anything. she made the decision to take the decision away from satoru and for that, she’s scum 🤷🏽‍♀️

i sincerely hope Satoru does put Naomi behind bars… and his mom, or at least gets a restraining order on the two of them. they’re horrible people worth less than the ground they walk on and i hope satoru’s dad lets him rain hell on them two.

now toji… i’m happy they’re both open about not being each others first choices but that’s Yui’s dad. he has every right to be uncomfortable with the fact that Satoru has openly confessed his love for y/n but i hate that he invalidated her feelings of being uncomfortable and told her to get over it when it came to a pet name she didn’t wanna be called. y/n even said it’s not the fact that he talks about his late wife in general, it’s about HOW he makes her feel when he does mention her. there’s a big difference because he only does it in a way that compares the two. and then weaponizing her pain to drive home his point??? that’s definitely not cool.

it’s safe to say the honeymoon period is over and now they’re going to be dealing with the baggage of their past relationships. satoru is always going to be a presence in their lives and so will megumi’s mother (through toji’s words) whether they like it or not. i kind of hate that satoru is willing to give up time with his daughter to make sure toji doesn’t get upset (don’t punish yui 😭) communication is going to be key and they’re going to need to see if they want to work through it because love isn’t enough sometimes.

i wonder what y/n would do if satoru told her what naomi and his mother tried to do… i think she probably should know since it involves yui’s grandmother and who knows what that crazy bitch will do (to yui) to keep satoru. personally, i think that y/n should beat the shit out of her, for EVERYTHING that woman has done. to y/n, to satoru, to yui, to satoru’s dad? i know for a fact she wouldn’t let him deal with everything alone if she found out and part of me hopes they can rely on each other for this.

i’m still hoping for a gojo endgame with a reunited family myself, but i mostly just want everyone to be at peace regardless of what happens 😭 i think satoru has shown actual progress and willingness to ensure y/n and yui’s happiness at the cost of his own and i’d love to see them reunite and get through this stronger than ever 🥹

you killed it again kai! i have so many emotions and thoughts and i can’t wait to see what happens next. thank you for sharing your work and i hope you have a fantastic week! much love 🥰

OMGGGG i enjoyed reading this a lot !! esp. the part where you pointed out how yn's problem was not just toji mentioning his late wife. but rather, how it makes her feel. it wasn't a surprise to her that he'd talk about her at times since she knows about his past, what made yn sad was how it seems like he was trying to tell her to do what she does. that's why she said she felt like a 'placeholder.' :'(( and yeah, the betrayal satoru felt when he found out how his mom spoke w naomi abt it is just too much, and the fact that he has to bear it by himself too :((( as for him giving up their time together w Yui so as to not upset toji, does not only show selflessness but also his hopelessness. he's thinking abt long term, like the school events thing mentioned, which implies that he really thinks that he's got no chance w yn anymore yet he's still trying to make it all up to her 🥹 i feel like satoru's been through too much during these past few chapters😭 anyways, thank you much for sharing your thoughts and for your support <33 it took a bit for me to respond to asks, but i hope you're doing well~ take care !!

[falcqns]

marjorie

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Morgan Stark & Tony Stark

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the more Morgan grows, the more she misses her dad.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of endgame, grief, angst, post endgame

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: tagging @natashasera ! i’ll miss you forever, tony 🫶🏼

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever

Never be so clever, you forget to be kind

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were talking to me now

When her father first died, Morgan didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why everyone was upset, why everyone was wearing black, why her mom slept on the couch or with her instead of in her bed.

More than anything, Morgan didn’t understand why her dad wasn’t with her. Why he wasn’t downstairs in the morning, making her pancakes, and drinking his green smoothie like he did every morning? Why wasn’t he the one comforting her after a nightmare or when she’s sick? She loved her mother, she truly did, but where did her father go?

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, you're alive in my head

As Morgan grew, she began to understand. She still fully didn’t understand, but she was able to grasp the concept of her father was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. At first, she thought that she did something wrong to make her dad leave, but her mom squashed that immediately.

“Your father didn’t leave because he didn’t love us,” she had said. “He left because he had to. Because it was between his one life, and the life of half of the universe. He died to save us, to make sure you got to live the life he imagined for you.”

And while Morgan understood what her dad did, it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make her any less mad when she saw Nick Fury or Sam Wilson, knowing that it could have been them instead, and that she would still have her dad. It didn’t hurt any less when she addressed father’s day cards to Uncle Happy or her big brother Peter, or even to her mom. It didn’t hurt any less, seeing her classmates and friends with their fathers knowing she’ll never have that.

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

Although Morgan struggled with this, with knowing she lost her father at such a young age, she didn’t let it show. No one told her she had to be strong for her mother, but when she came downstairs, on May 29th, 2024, and sees her mother holding a picture of her and her father when she was a baby while crying, she wanted to make sure her mom never had to worry about her.

And so, she started to hide the pain she felt, while telling herself it was better this way, this way her mom didn’t have to worry about her.

Never be so polite, you forget your power

Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were listening to me now

And Morgan thought she was doing a good job. She thought that no one could tell, that everyone assumed she had moved passed it.

And for a while, she was doing a good job. She kept her pain to herself. Only cried in the dead of the night or when home alone, or on the day that her father passed.

That all ended, when her junior prom just so happened to fall on October 17th. And then, just like leaves fall from the trees, all those walls she had built up came crashing down around her in a pile.

The autumn chill that wakes me up

You loved the amber skies so much

Long limbs and frozen swims

Morgan was getting ready for homecoming, and everything was fine. She put on her dress, had her makeup, hair and nails done, and felt prettier than she had ever felt in her 16 years of life. She put her shoes on, and made her way down the stairs, where her date Ryan, who had also been her best friend since first grade, was waiting for her.

Her mom complimented her, told her how beautiful she was and how much she loved her. Morgan could see the longing just behind the loving gaze in her mothers eyes. The longing for her father to be there, standing with her as she goes off to her first prom. She smiled warmly at her mother, and hugged her for a little longer than she normally would, trying to tell her that everything would be okay; that she had done a great job without him, and that he’d be as proud as she was for raising her as a single parent.

After a few pictures with her mom, Ryan, her brother Peter and her Uncle Happy, Morgan and Ryan were in the back of her moms car, being driven to the winery where prom was taking place.

Morgan was a little sad that her dad wasn’t here for this, but that was something that she had gotten used to. She had gotten used to seeing the empty chair next to her mom at her baseball games, at her dance recitals, at her gym meets. She had gotten used to the empty, untouched spot on the sofa that seemed to taunt her as she opened presents on Christmas and her birthday; and had gotten used to the muffled cries from her mom on those same days.

What she hadn’t gotten used to was seeing everyone else with their fathers, and her not having one. She knew almost everyone else in her grade had dads in some way, but to be faced with it on what was supposed to be a happy night, was really tough for Morgan to deal with. She wanted nothing more than her dad to be the one embarrassing her with her date who was definitely just a friend and who she definitely has not been in love with since 2nd grade, a year after they met. She wanted to hear her dad tell her she was beautiful, that she had made him proud, that while he hated seeing her grow up, he was loving who she was becoming.

But she couldn’t have that. The other girls in her class had that; but she didn’t.

She made it through the pictures by biting her tongue, and avoiding all the other girls in her class, but wasn’t as lucky after dinner had finished and the slower music began to play.

By the time the song “Candle In The Wind” started playing, Morgan felt like she was a house being held together by still-wet glue; one wrong move and she’d be falling apart, letting the entire world what was wrong on the inside.

Ryan convinced her to go dance, and she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay as the song played on. She just had to hold it together until the end of the song, then she could go to the bathroom, cry a little bit, fix her makeup, and everything would be fine.

You'd always go past where our feet could touch

And I complained the whole way there

The car ride back and up the stairs

And then, Elton John sang the words “and i would have liked to have known you, but i was just a kid.” and a tear spilled over. Suddenly, she was powerless to stop them coming, despite her earlier strength. She bowed her head, trying to hide the tears from Ryan, but Ryan had always been able to sense when something was wrong with her.

“Hey,” He whispered, pulling her closer. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She also knew she couldn’t lie to him, so she didn’t. “No,” she whimpered, and Ryan wasted no time in dragging her off the dance floor, and leading her outside. He wrapped her in a hug, and let her cry.

She also knew that Ryan knew what was wrong, which she was grateful for. He always seemed to know exactly what she needed and what she was thinking, which made being his friend 10x easier.

“He’d be proud of you, y’know?” Ryan whispered. “Getting this far, with his last name, and not being expelled.” He joked, and Morgan laughed. “You’re the top of our class in every subject, you have an awesome best friend, and you have a family who supports you no matter what. He’d be so proud.”

Morgan sniffled. “It hurts,” She said. “Seeing our classmates with their dads. Knowing that they have someone they can call dad, someone they can go to for things they can’t go to their moms about. I don’t have that, and I hate it.”

Ryan hugged her tighter. “I know.” He whispered.

“I miss it. I miss it all. All aspects of having a dad. I miss him even though I barely had him.” She continued. “I barely had him, and I barely know him because it hurts to much to learn about him, even though there’s nothing more that I want in this world than to truly know my father.”

Ryan shrugged. “I know. I cant imagine what this feels like, and you have full permission to hit me if this isn’t what is going to help;” he said, prompting a giggle from Morgan. “but maybe, it would help if you did learn about him. If you did talk to your mom, to your brother and uncle, read things about him. It might help you to feel closer to him if you know him.”

I should've asked you questions

I should've asked you how to be

“Hi dad.” Morgan said, sitting down in front of her fathers headstone. “I’m sorry that I haven’t visited before now,” She began. “I never really had someone to take me before, and I know it’s too hard for Mom, Peter and Uncle Happy to come here. And, it was just too hard for me too. Knowing that you’re here, but that I can see you, or hold your hand. But, I’ve realized that that was just hurting me more, not knowing who you are and not talking to you.”

Morgan took a deep breath, before telling her father all about her life. About her accomplishments, about what she liked, and about Ryan. About how she had loved him for so long but didn’t know how to tell him, and that she wished he was here so that she could know what Ryan might be thinking. She told him that she missed him, and that even though she only had him for 4, they were the best 4 years.

“You were my best four years, Dad.” She said, letting the tear run down her face. “I miss you more and more everyday.”

She stayed a little bit longer, not wanting to leave. But, when the sun started to touch the horizon, she knew it was time to head home. She touched the headstone once more, promising to herself that she would come back more often.

“I love you 3000, Dad. I’ll see you soon.”

She opened the car door, and Ryan smiled at her.

“How was it?” He asked.

Morgan nodded with a smile. “You were right. It did help.”

“Always the tone of surprise,” he teased, making Morgan laugh as they pulled away from the cemetery, heading back home.

Asked you to write it down for me

Should've kept every grocery store receipt

'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Morgan looked out her window, seeing all of the parents saying goodbye to their children.

It was her freshman year at MIT, and she had never felt so ready; so at peace. She had been given her fathers old dorm. And although he hadn’t set foot in this room for years, it still felt like him, and it calmed her. She would miss her Mom like crazy, but she felt safe, knowing she was following in her fathers footsteps.

Her eyes fell onto her forearm, where she had the words “i love you 3000, my Maguna” in her dads handwriting were inked into her skin. It had been her moms idea on her 18th birthday. he had written it on her 18th birthday card, which he wrote the night before him and the Avengers won. She got it tattooed that very same day, and that small little tattoo had become her lifeline.

It no longer hurt, seeing fathers with their children. She felt a longing, something she knew she always would, but it didn’t break her in two like it once did.

Her eyes moved to her left hand, and she smiled. She knew that the man who had gave her the beautiful diamond ring that sat on her ring finger had a lot to do with that, and she couldn’t be happier.

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

All your closets of backlogged dreams

And how you left them all to me

“Hi Dad,” Morgan said, sitting down, trying to be careful of the newborn in her arms, and the scar on her stomach that was still healing. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here last week, this little one decided to make his arrival sooner than planned.” She said, looking down at her son with a smile.

“We named him after you.” She said. “Theodore Anthony Stark. Theo for short.” She smiled. “And yes, Ryan took your last name, we got the paperwork finalized. He wanted us to share a name, but didn’t want me giving up your name, so he took yours. Hope that’s okay.”

Morgan swallowed the lump in her throat. “Ryan was going to be here, but he somehow got suckered into moving some furniture for Mom, and I know for a fact that you had something to do with that.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry you won’t get to see him grow up, but I know you’ll always be looking out for him. And I promise to talk about you as much as possible, and to make sure he knows that had it not been for you, he wouldn’t have existed. Thank you for your sacrifice, Dad. It brought me Ryan, and then Theo. I miss you,” she said.

“I think I’ll miss you forever,” she continued. “But I know you’ll always be with me.”

“I love you 3000, Dad.”

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

I know better

But I still feel you all around

I know better

But you're still around

[colonelpancakes]

Continued again

Not the way she calls out for him. Not the way he tries to hold onto her for as long as possible, keep her from drifting away from him before she is pulled out of his grasp. Not the way she keeps reaching for him even after he can’t reach back anymore like she just wants her dad to hold her.

Aaravos trying so hard to make sure she isn’t scared in her last moments. To make sure she knows that she is loved and that she isn’t alone even though he can’t hold her. Him trying so hard to smile so she isn’t scared even though he’s crying and she’s already closed her eyes… Oh my god.

What the fuck. They fucking blew up his daughter. Oh my god. I. Oh my. Ough.

THAT’S WHAT THE SEA OF THE CASTOUT IS??? It’s Aaravos’s tears filling the crater his daughter left when she hit the earth? Fuck. Oh my god. Jesus christ. I mean. I know the dragons didn’t actually know where the prison was but. Whoever decided to put him there, jesus christ what the hell was wrong with you.

Okay. With full context of that scene. FUCK YOU THE MERCIFUL ONE. You cannot come in and be like “well, if you think about it, everything is temporary and nothing is really gone forever” after you MURDERED HIS FUCKING DAUGHTER IN FRONT OF HIM. WHILST HE’S WEEPING OVER SAID DAUGHTER’S CORPSE. It’s still a beautiful quote but Fuck You.

The Merciful One has lost the rights to use that quote. I think it belongs to Aaravos now.

Okay. Listen. I’m not saying I condone all of Aaravos actions. But I sure as fuck do understand them now. I don’t even have kids. I have no desire to ever have kids. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I had a daughter and someone did THAT to her. I’d start fucking shit up too. I would go absolutely ballistic, who fucking cares who gets hurt in the process, I would be hellbent on revenge. So like. I get it.

Also, it puts things in a new light because since season two, I’ve been wondering what Aaravos’s endgame is but now, honestly, I don’t really think he has an endgame. I think he just wants to hurt the world that was cruel enough to take his daughter away. To make the people who hurt them suffer, no matter the cost. There’s no way to bring Leola back, I think he just kind of wants to cause as much destruction as possible.

One last side note, Aaravos absolutely killed the Cosmic Council people, right? Like, if they have the power to kill a Startouch elf and they got THAT upset about a child showing magic to her friend, there’s no fucking way they’d let any of the shit with dark magic happen unless they were dead or otherwise incapacitated. Also, Callum’s a human primal mage, he just straight up has primal magic and the council has done absolutely nothing about it so I feel like they have to be dead.

Oh, Claudia… Honey… Darling… She has been through so fucking much.

Oh, Hello!

I love Rayla so much. I don’t have anything else to say here, I just love Rayla.

The Moon Opal from Ethari…

I love the fact that it’s not the reminder of his home or his profession that brings Runaan back, it’s the thought that he’s left behind his husband. The idea that his family needs him back.

And the motif of the “monster” coming back…

THE REPETITION OF THEIR FIGHT ON THE WALL! CALLBACK TO SEASON ONE! And I’m so happy that they’re addressing how Runaan acted towards her in the first couple episodes, especially in Moonrise. This family has so much drama.

“I fought you. I tried to kill you. How could I? You’re my…” “I’m your daughter.” “You’re my daughter.”

Just stab me why don’t you. I love this show, I love Rayla so much oh my gosh. I. And you really get the feeling that this is something they’ve both known for a long time but it’s the first time they’ve said the words out loud. The acknowledgement that she’s just as much Runaan and Ethari’s daughter as she is Tiadrin and Lain’s.

Okay, this one broke my heart. I love her so much, oh my gosh. My girl 🥺

The way he turns into a lotus like the ones on Ethari’s pond… The fact that his love for Rayla and Ethari is what brings him back to the mortal world so of course he turns into the very thing that has represented his connection to Ethari, that lets Ethari know if he’s okay regardless of whether or not they can communicate… I love this show.

Aww, Callum… He’s so worried.

Wing hug!! I love wing hugs! Rayllum my beloveds

“The story we just heard… maybe it started as a story of love. But along the way, it got twisted. Look where we are. We’re surrounded by the bones of the archdragon who betrayed him. He isn’t doing anything for love, he’s doing it for revenge.”

I. Love. Terry. The way he recognizes that Aaravos isn’t doing things to help Leola, he’s doing it to hurt people. He chose to live specifically so that he could continue the cycle of violence, so that he could hurt the people who hurt his daughter and by extension, him. Now, if only Claudia would listen to Terry.

“Aaravos did what was necessary. However dangerous, however vile. Like my dad.”

HONEY. The way she smiles a little bit as she connects Aaravos to her father. Sweetheart, this is not a good idea. Aaravos is not a good substitute for your dad, love does not justify everything. Darling, you really need better adults in your life.

Also, I think this is the first time we’ve actually seen Claudia and Terry fully disagree on something. I mean, they have disagreed before but previously it’s ended with Claudia listening to Terry and doing whatever he asked her to do. She gave Rayla the coins after he told her she was being cruel, she didn’t kill the dragon when he asked her not to, she returned to him on the beach after he told her he would wait for her. This is the first time where Terry has said “This is wrong, I don’t want you to do this.” and she has done it anyways and not turned back on her decision. I just think that’s interesting, I wonder if they’ll start growing apart next season maybe? If Claudia starts to rely more on Aaravos and less on Terry.

Wait, it’s the same spell??? I don’t know why I didn’t make that connection before, I just kind of assumed they were two completely separate spells that required quasar diamonds to free a person from a cursed object. In retrospect, I may be stupid.

Oh, the transitions between Callum and Claudia as they perform the spell are so freaking good.

Also, again, I am so curious about this spell. It’s definitely star magic, it has the same glimmering look that the runes Aaravos draws have but it clearly doesn’t require the user to connect to the star arcanum and it’s not Aaravos lending Claudia magic because Callum’s doing it too and while he is connected to the sea and sky, he’s not connected to the stars.

Oh, Terry, honey. My boy has gone through so much and now he has to watch his girlfriend release what is essentially a vengeful angry god from his magic prison. Please for the love of god, give my boy a break.

The power of gayness!

Runaan! Hug!!!! And Runaan rejoicing in the fact that he’s alive and free and with his kid after he spent season one trying to convince himself that he was already dead.

Also, Wait, if Runaan’s still shirtless, does he still have the binding on? Or would that have fallen off when Rayla’s did. If it didn’t they’re gonna have to go and grab Zym real quick that cannot be good for him.

Hm? What’s up with the coin?

Honey, I think they’ve met...

I guess it's only fitting that for the last episode of s6 I took too many screenshots to be contained in two reblogs. Uh, cointinued in the reblogs. Wait, fuck, you know what, I did not mean to make that typo but it's funny so I'm keeping it. Continued in reblogs

Watching The Dragon Prince Season Six Part Nine: Stardust! The time has come to see if Rayla will make it out of this season with the most parents. I hope so

Under the cut as per the usual!

Hey, the quote from the beginning of episode one! I wonder if we’ll find out more about him and that other Startouch elf given that he’s quoting them now.

Ohhh. Okay. I was entirely convinced that the quasar diamond was another fake. Whoops

Oh, Claudia, honey… 🥺

Skafjlk Something about Aaravos just suddenly showing up next to Claudia so that he can shush her is so funny to me. I think it might be Terry’s face.

HUH? EXCUSE ME??? That was not something I expected. Aaravos has a kid?? Hello?

Darling!!! Oh, honey. She looks so sweet!!! I love her already.

I am also already feeling immense dread because Aaravos is talking about her in the past tense and she isn’t here in present day. “Had a daughter” oh god. Something bad is going to happen to the baby isn’t it. I am not ready.

Sweethearttttt. Oh my god, the way that you can hear the love in Aaravos’s voice as he talks about her… It’s not an emotion don't think I could have pictured on him before this episode but it's so tangible, the voice acting in this episode is incredible. This episode is going to murder me isn’t it.

Also, I like how the terms he's using to describe her could also easily apply to Claudia whom he's trying to get to empathize with him. To connect her own love for her father to his love for his daughter.

Okay, this might be me reading into it but. The way his daughter's hands are held in this picture looks a lot like the way I flap my hands when I stim. Is Aaravos’s daughter maybe neurodivergent? Either way, I love her already, she’s so sweet.

Give Aaravos’s VA an award. The RANGE this man has, spanning from threatening to playful to right here where it’s so soft and sad and full of love for his daughter.

Also, the adoraburrs!!! Look at her!!!

…I am remembering vividly that response from the writers when someone asked if the Startouch child in the intro was a younger Aaravos and they responded that the child was Leola. Oh no. And again, the fact that Aaravos is talking about Leola only in the past tense… I am not ready for this episode oh no. NOTHING HAS EVEN HAPPENED YET AND I’M ABOUT TO CRY.

Also, the animators always do such an amazing job with Aaravos’s expressions. I just. Oh…

Callum, buddy, I don't think you're helping.

Oh, Rayla, honey… I might be wrong but I think that’s the first time Rayla has actually verbally acknowledged Runaan and Ethari as her parents. I know she’s called them her family before but I don’t think she’s called them her parents.

“Those coins will guide you. Each coin contains a fragment of a soul. On the other side, the rest of the soul longs to be whole again, for it cannot pass into death incomplete.”

I like the clarification of what the coins actually do to a person and why they’re worse than death. Because they don’t allow the spirit to achieve peace by passing on or allow them to continue their life, they trap them in between life and death. I also really like that they’re bringing back the stuff from Through the Moon.

Callum… I love them so much oh my gosh. He’s so nervous for her…

They're so sweet, I love them!!!

Ough and the fact that, to get her family back, Rayla has to dive into the lake despite her fear of the water.

OHH NOO I am getting Through the Moon flashbacks, Runaan??? Buddy?? I wonder if it’s a side effect of being in the coin? Are Rayla’s bio parents gonna be like that too?

While the corruption obviously isn’t great, I must say, I like the curly hair on Runaan.

RUNAAN. NO. No killing Rayla. Bad Runaan.

Rayla, honey...

Petition to give Rayla a break.

Oh, they’re dancing. Interesting. Maybe it's some kind of trance that Rayla needs to break them out of? Like there's a different challenge for each soul that she needs to overcome? I don't know, something definitely feels off.

Ohh… The way Claudia looks up at him, she's so enraptured in the story.

Baby!!! Baby girl!!

OH??? It looks like each side unlocks a different arcanum and a different version of the book, intriguing…

I wonder if there’s something particularly special written in the book or if it’s just a tome of knowledge of the arcanums. Rayla did originally think the cube was a piece from a children’s game, maybe in a way, she was right.

SKjafslkjf. Leolaaa. I love mustache Aaravos so much. And it’s so humanizing seeing such a different side of him. To have a moment where he’s not some all-knowing mysterious arch-mage but just a father with a young daughter who likes to poke fun at him sometimes.

Oh no!! Kiddo!

Aaravos being so gentle with the little kid…

Ohh Aaravos definitely knows whoever took Leola and by the look of it, he does not like them very much.

Also, I’m curious who the golden dragon was, that’s an interesting detail.

Continued in reblogs!

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Matilda- B.Barnes

Summary: Bucky finally realizes the alarming way his wife was treated by her family.

Pairings: Husband!Bucky x Wife!Reader

Fic Warnings: Mentions of reader thinking she isn’t good enough, mistreatment of reader, Bucky being a good husband, Fem!reader, use of Y/N

Author’s Note: This is a slight AU, the Sokovia Accords never happened, Infinity War and Endgame never happened. Nat, Tony and Steve are very much still around(but they aren’t mentioned). If you have any feedback please feel free to leave it. I’m not feeling great about this but I’m trying to get back into writing. This is based off of Matilda by Harry Styles.

My full Masterlist

Hope you enjoy! :)

Word Count: 960

gif not mine

How Bucky never realized that his wife was mistreated as a child, is beyond him. It was like the neglect was staring him right in the face but he never realized it, never noticed the pain behind her eyes. She never really spoke about her family and if she did it was very brief and vague. He finally started to notice when they were holding a house party, their kids were there, their friends, really everyone they knew. Bucky had reached out to the very little living family he had, his great niece Winnie was more than willing to come, she was the only living family he had.

The night before the party, Bucky had asked if she had invited her family and he finally noticed the sadness that flashed in her eyes. Because this was going to be a serious conversation, Bucky was quick to usher the kids to bed so that they could discuss her family alone, without the fear of upsetting their kids. Their son, Stevie was quick to get into bed, only settling when Bucky planted a kiss on his forehead, and their daughter, Sarah, was a little more fussy but once Bucky gave her a warning look, she quickly settled before getting a forehead kiss as well.

After Bucky was sure the kids were okay and asleep, he went back to the living room where he left his wife. She was sitting on the edge of their bay window, staring out at the street even though it was dark out. He walked closer to the window, making his steps more pronounced than he usually does so he doesn’t scare her. Once he got to the window, he sat across from Y/N, who had a vacant look in her eyes. The same eyes that were always sparkling with love and happiness, now held sadness and desperation.

“You wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” Bucky asked her, voice quiet and cautious. They sat in silence for a few minutes before she started speaking.

“I was never good enough for them, no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. I had a 4.0 gpa in high school but it wasn’t good enough, I could’ve had a 5.0 if I took AP classes. I don’t think they ever showed up to anything. It never bothered me before, it wasn’t a big deal but once we had the kids, it hurt. It hurt because they never showed me the love we show our kids. I wasn’t loved as a child, never nurtured, never cared for.” It was silent again for another minute, Bucky was still trying to process what she had just said before she added more. “I’m not even sorry for not inviting them, I’m just sorry that I left so early, I was only 16 when I moved out. I just want to understand why they didn’t show me love. I feel like there’s a piece of me, of my soul, that’s just dead because of my childhood and how I was treated.”

Bucky beckoned her closer to him so she inched her way closer to her husband. Even though they were touching, it wasn’t enough for Bucky, so he pulled her onto his lap. Her legs on either side of his hips, her arms around his shoulders, hands mindlessly playing with his hair. He grabbed her chin gently between his thumb and forefinger making her look into his eye.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Even if they never showed you love, you created it. Right here, in this house, in your soul. I love you with every single fiber of my being and I can assure you Stevie and Sarah do too. You make this house a home, you make our family a loving one. You are the most important part of my life. It is all you, Y/N. Who cares that you didn’t get a 5.0? I am so incredibly proud of you and the person you have become in the years we’ve been together. Now, let’s go make some tea and your favorite nighttime snack and talk more. That sound okay?” She nodded to her husband, but not before kissing his lips lovingly. In response, he peppered kisses all over her face until he heard his favorite sound in the world, her laugh. “My favorite sound,” He chuckled before continuing his assault.

By the time the two had separated, had tea and a nighttime snack, Bucky was completely filled in on her childhood. Now he understood why she went above and beyond for their family, now he knew why she was so gentle with the kids. It all made sense to him, but now he knew to take his time loving his wife, showing her the love that she never got as a kid, the love she completely deserved. The two of them ended up falling asleep on the couch that night, talking until they were too tired to go to their room.

The next morning it was as if a boulder was lifted off of her shoulders. Y/N had a pep in her step, the sparkle in her eyes was back, her smile was wider than it had been since their wedding day and the birth of their troublesome twins. Bucky was happy to show her the love she deserved. Their friends became the family she deserved. She now happily said she had a very loving family, that was always there for her and she was always there for them. She had let her biological family go and chose her found family, that found family was her forever family. People that would kill for her and people that she would kill for, and Bucky couldn’t be happier.

[prosperdemeter2]

This is going to be an unpopular opinion but...

I feel like the people who complain about MCU Spider-Man only being Tony Stark Jr. have missed the entire point of the MCU Spider-Man movies. It's a lot of discourse coming from the Marvel gatekeep fans that dislike how popular things have gotten. The... "I liked it before it was cool" fans that are super upset that all these young people are into something they also like (instead of seeing it for the positive it is - more merch! More content! Easier to find things about it! And more people you can chat with about things! It's great!). Everything HAS to be an argument over which Spidey’s been better because we can't just let people enjoy things.

But my point.

In Captain America: Civil War Spidey has a very small role to play and a lot of it is a supporting one. But the entire point (in my opinion) of Tony Stark having proof that Spider-Man already exists in New York is to show that Peter Parker would be a hero even without Tony’s tech. The tech is just there to give him the suit (which, I get it, people are salty Peter doesn't have kick ass sewing skills 🙄). It's also stated in their first meeting that Peter makes his own webs and his own webshooters. So he may not have got to the point where he made his own suit but this kid was smart and talented and capable (and younger than both Tobey and Andrew's Peter - approx 14 in CW compared to 17 and college aged).

In Spider-Man: Homecoming Peter rocks that Stark Tech suit. But he also hacks it. He also repeatedly makes phone calls to try and get Tony’s attention to a problem he thinks is worse than it seems on the surface. He's 15 and he feels things like a 15 year old. But okay, I get it, you're mad that he has Tony Stark as a mentor instead of Uncle Ben (so am I but mostly because I want Uncle Ben and not because I'm really mad about the mentor thing). Oh? Wait? That's not it? It's because... he's not expected to figure it all out on his own?

Only that's where you're... kind of wrong. Aside from Ned, Peter rarely received any help against Toomes at all. And it wasn't because Tony didn't care it was just because Peter was 15 and Toomes was good at hiding things.

My big point - big big point - about HOCO is that Peter doesn't beat Toomes (Vulture) until AFTER Tony takes the suit away. He doesn't beat him with the help of SI tech. He beats him AS SPIDER-MAN. There's even the iconic, stuck under a building, "come on, Spider-Man" scene where Peter realizes that he needs to be BE this hero in order to save the city. And not in a big way like Tobey or Andrew always was - Toomes wasn't trying to destroy New York. But he WAS selling weapons to people across the city to hurt dozens of others. Peter was literally being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man we all want him to be. And he did that. Without a suit. Without any tech that wasn't of his own invention. And he even saved the bad guy's life. No one died that day.

But, okay, whatever, that's not your problem either. It's Far From Home. Okay, let's break that down.

Peter helping out SHIELD? I mean I get it but also there's literally a cartoon where that happens and no one complains. He also does it a few times in the comics. Oh wait, no it's the Tony Stark connection again. I get it. You don't like Tony Stark. Chill, guys, it's not that out of character. Peter Parker always looked up to the guy.

"He needed Stark's tech to beat Mysterio". Uh... tell me you didn't watch the movie without telling me you didn't watch the movie.

The entire point of FFH - as far as I took it - was Peter learning to trust himself again. He falls again and again and again for Mysterio's tricks because he doesn't listen to himself. He doesn't trust his "Spidey Sense" (aka Peter Tingle lmao) because of PTSD due to the events in both Infinity War and Endgame. The only way he beats Mysterio in the end is by TRUSTING HIMSELF. When he closes his eyes in that scene against the drones? He's not using tech to figure out where they are - he's using his Spidey Sense. When he stops Mysterio from shooting him? He's using his Spidey Sense. The entire story of FFH was that he was relearning to trust in his own powers and instincts and believing that he was still a hero even after having let down his hero (in his own mind).

I think I see the real issue. Other than the one i pointed out where we're mad what we liked is now more commercialized and popular - MCU Peter Parker has a pretty strong support system. He doesn't only have Aunt May but he has Ned and MJ, Tony Stark for a bit, Happy Hogan, etc. He works hand in hand with the Avengers.

All I'm saying is you can't argue that MCU Peter Parker is a terrible Spider-Man because he works with Tony Stark and then choose to ignore the fact that he beat both of his villains in both of his solo movies without using that tech.

And this post isn't to say that Tobey and Andew were terrible either. They were and are all great Spider-Men in their own unique ways (and let's be honest, Into the Spider-Verse was 100% the best Spider-Man movie out of the bunch and Miles Morales deserves a lot more love).

Why is it so hard to let people enjoy things without turning into a fandom discourse fight?

[izukusspirit]

IN RESPONSE OF WAKING UP IM INSTANTLY LIKE----DIBS FATHER ON FUCKING SHOOK CRACK LIKE ???? SON WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN LESS THEN 30 SECONDS TODAY??-

OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO HIM DID I ACCIDENTLY MAKE HIM A HUMAN ALIEN TO MESS WITH HIM MENTALY ABOUT EGG TOAST

NOOOOOOOOOOO I THOUGHT I GAVE HIM BLACK ADO CHAN MLG GLASSES BECAUSE I WENT TO 2014 BECAUSE OF A FUCKING OLIVE IN A JAR BEING SENT TO BE AS A GRAPE THINKING I GOT RAPED FUCK DEAD SERIIOUS ABOUT O.B.S BEING THE TWINSISTER GHOSTS HERE

AM I BACK IN 8TH GRADE AGAIN FUCK FUCK FUCK?? WHERES THE SHCOOL THEN IM LIKE AT HOME LIKE AREN’T I SUPPOSED TO CATCH THE BUSS FOR SCHOOL WHERE IS MY FUCKING MOTHER’S JEEP FUCK MY ANTI-VILLAN SUPERVILLAN ASS TRIED TO BOOK A HOTEL TRIVAGO WIGOUT TICKET TO TEHRAN BECAUSE OF MY AMERICAN DOUBLESPERM COUNTERPART HOO MY GOD HE’S TALKING ABOUT OBS BECAUSE HE THOUGHT GHOSTMONUMENT TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF BECAUSE OF HIM CHANGING HIS BACKGROUND TO A MELTING CANDEL BUT JUST IN GENNERAL CHANGING HIS LAPTOP BACKGROUND ON THE FUCKING PHONE.LENOVO.AND HP EVNY :(. LINGO-JAM SMALL TEXT CRYING HHH GHOSTMONUMENT IS A SWEETHEART I PAINTED THEM SO BAD RECENTLY ;;;;;

https://obsproject.com/ https://www.deviantart.com/ghostmonument ngl they have core and honestly i’ve always loved the way they draw!!! i love their cat dragon character with those long evildregon horns but she/he fucking hates me i stalk because i find intrest in telling you i fucking looove you but you HAATE ME SO YOU’RE LIKE KIMIKO RAIUMONDO TO MEEE LIKE THE MONKEY EYE GLAREE FUCKK :(-

LIGHT IN DARKNESS FAIRY ANIMALJAM GROUND PENSIVE EMOJI IN RESPONSE TO ME SENDING THE LETTER H OR A KAT TELLING ME TO BASICALLY FUCK OFF WITH A SHEMJI KAT OF ERIC BUT ZIM IN THE SUMMER SERVER THAT I COULD ACCIDENTALLY SEE BECAUSE I SIMPLY GHOST LOOKED AT THE LINK IN DEATH LIKE HOOO MY GOD I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE A FUCKING SERVER DM LINK NOO THE FUCKING DSI ITSELF COULD SHADOWBOX ME INTO INFORMATION AND I CANT EVEN GO HOOOME ORIGINAL SOURCE OF GHOSTMONUMENT AND KATS UPSET :(

AND THE FINAL DEATH BLOW WAS THAT I KILLED LOKI ON PONY.TOWN IN A TRUTH OR DARE WITH FAYE THAT I COULDN’T GET OUT OF BECAUSE I HAD SO MUCH FUN THAT I FELT BAD AFTER!!! MERRY BAD END HAHAHAHA!

ORI AND THE BLIND FOREST CROSSWORD PUZZLE WOLF NUZZLE BOTTLE FROM TARGET PINKBLUE

THE PEPPERMENT CATTOFRICC WITH LOKIS ENDGAME DEATH WRITTEN ALL OVER IT LIKE FUCK GO BACK GIVE HIM MY LITTLE PONY VIBES IN HIS NEW SHOW SO HIS DANIKA CROWLEY ACTOR DOESN’T FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THE FACT THAT I GAVE HIM LONG SPIDERMAN HAIR TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A SEX SYMBOL BUT A WORLD DESTROYER AT THE SAME TIME-AND I’M LIKE CRYING IN MY FUCKING HEAD LIKE I FUCKING HEAR LOKI SAY “FATHER WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME” IN RESPONSE TO THE LONELY OK? KEEP PLAYING FROM ANIMALJAM BECAUSE I NAMED AN ACCOUNT FOR MY MOTHER BISQUITLOBSTER AND HE THOUGHT THAT THE QUIT WAS KILL YOURSELF SO HE DID THE USEEWA AS THE ACTUAL ACTOR IRL AND THATS WHY IDRIS ELBA HAD TO KILL HIM ON-SET BECAUSE HE ALREADY DIED HE SCREAMED HE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO ACTUALLY CHOKE HIM OUT LIKE MY NEW MOVIE JEWLS HOO MY GOODD

LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUN HE’S HAVING WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HIM?? HE TRIED TO TYPE THROUGH ME LIKE “DON’T DO THAT TO ME??” AND I’M LIKE WYDM “DUDE WE’RE THE SAME PERSON THIS IS PHILLIP LESSEN MADE TO LOOK LIKE MYSTERIO STOOPP” AND I’M LIKE DOES LOKI CANNONLY HAVE A FACE OR IS IT THE FUCKING DISNEY CHANNEL DISNEY XP ULTIMATE SPIDERMAN ONE I CONSTANTLY SEE AS LINEART INSTEAD OF ANYTHING ELSE” YES IT FUCKING IS LAMENTS PHILLIP BUT NOT UPSET “AND IM LIKE FUCK I SWITCHED TO THE FUCKING QUOTE INSTEAD NOOOOOOO LOKI PRINCE OF DARKNESS PHILLIPP JACKSPICER PRINCE OF DARKNESS SHAOLIN SHOWDOWN”

[kithtaehyung]

Last November (M)

title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est  ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!

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-

On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains. 

Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles. 

But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.

This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity. 

Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.  

The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms. 

It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all. 

But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides. 

The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.

What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin. 

You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song. 

Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted. 

The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.

Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.

Just like always.

The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown. 

During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.

“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Don’t worry, I can just—”

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date. 

“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”

“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.” 

His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”

The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie. 

Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood. 

It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice. 

“I like my singing voice, too.” 

Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go. 

“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”

Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.” 

“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.” 

Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after. 

An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off. 

“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.” 

Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.” 

The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity. 

“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.” 

Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.” 

A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!” 

Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.” 

You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.” 

As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears. 

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“No.” 

“Do it. She deserves to know.” 

You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways. 

As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier. 

What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill? 

Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.

The news had to be something urgent. 

Was Seokjin getting married? 

Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement? 

That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years. 

You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil. 

Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.” 

Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment. 

And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd. 

After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?” 

Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.” 

You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite. 

In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony. 

A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck. 

It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle. 

Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.” 

“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!” 

“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye. 

He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty. 

Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him. 

At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.

After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’” 

“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness. 

Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.

You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!” 

“So that song is…” 

“Wrong. Yes.” 

Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”  

The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff. 

“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”

“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him. 

And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.

“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?” 

Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was… 

“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.” 

It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss. 

You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights. 

The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn. 

It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all. 

Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time. 

However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression. 

But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned. 

The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace. 

“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.

“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.” 

“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!” 

And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter. 

In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex. 

Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.  

As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.

Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?” 

On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes. 

The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.

Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation. 

Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera. 

And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow. 

Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve. 

After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative. 

Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.

It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.” 

You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you. 

Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too? 

If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture? 

It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it. 

You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket. 

When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use. 

You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world. 

You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those. 

Why did you feel like that was significant? 

The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree. 

When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”

You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”

“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”

“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.

“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.” 

Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say. 

His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t. 

You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following. 

He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.

After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?” 

Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”

“What’s he hiding from me?”

Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.

“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge. 

“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed. 

“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.

Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”

“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered. 

“But aren’t they yours?” 

“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit. 

He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always. 

Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”

“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”

A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”

“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”

“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”

“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”

“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.” 

“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.” 

The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm? 

A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip. 

“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.” 

You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.

Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.” 

The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all. 

It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to. 

The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way. 

Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.

You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out. 

Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin. 

Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption? 

At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were. 

It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”

Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.” 

You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window. 

Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful. 

Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys. 

The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level. 

A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure. 

They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door. 

“No. We are not doing that again.” 

“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!” 

“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.” 

“But what if you get a room to yourself?” 

“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.” 

“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!” 

“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.” 

You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone. 

They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted. 

On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental. 

He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck. 

Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.” 

Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.” 

His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.  

As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.

The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away. 

It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.” 

Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”

Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.” 

A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows. 

You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars. 

Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.

Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.

Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.” 

“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room. 

“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!” 

You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?” 

Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,

“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—” 

“—Kook!” 

All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization. 

The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern. 

What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor. 

What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything? 

Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?” 

The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension. 

“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”  

“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat. 

When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye. 

Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.” 

Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room. 

You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit. 

The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder. 

“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”

Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”

Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt. 

It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.  

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him. 

The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside. 

“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby. 

When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside. 

“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.

Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.” 

You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.” 

Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again. 

“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief. 

You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire. 

“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like? 

“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.” 

“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!” 

“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room. 

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.  

Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself. 

That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend. 

It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.

This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November. 

A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl. 

Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.

Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.

“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.

The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.” 

The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.” 

When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door. 

You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently. 

Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen. 

Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.

Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill. 

Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!

Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will. 

Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!

Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.

Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it. 

Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room 

Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up

Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency

Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?

Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry 

Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb. 

Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message. 

What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you. 

Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels. 

Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one! 

With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.  

You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like. 

But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again. 

As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled. 

Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you. 

You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through. 

Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can. 

Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.  

“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?” 

You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll. 

“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say. 

“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request. 

“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.” 

You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.

If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?

The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips. 

“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”

“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start. 

Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse. 

If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over. 

With a breath, you finally knocked. 

It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness? 

“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.” 

He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead. 

Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?” 

You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?” 

There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.” 

“Why?” 

“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.” 

“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?” 

His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?” 

Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…” 

There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions. 

It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.” 

Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t. 

But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat. 

You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.

“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.” 

Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out. 

Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.” 

You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?” 

“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.” 

The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain. 

Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge. 

Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now. 

Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake. 

You didn’t want that. 

“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself. 

An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you. 

“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.

“What if I’m not?” 

You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was. 

How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that. 

“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?” 

“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all. 

“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.” 

You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time. 

Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did. 

“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?

“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point. 

This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It does to me.”

“Well, it’s none of your concern.”

“I don’t care if it is or not.”

“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress. 

The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that. 

But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.

Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you? 

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”

You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.

“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”

“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”

Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it. 

And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either. 

You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.” 

You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.” 

A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?” 

That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire. 

“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.” 

“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.

He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives. 

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”

You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you. 

Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.

“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.” 

Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to. 

You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.” 

Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.” 

Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?” 

“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.” 

Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again. 

The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.  

“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face. 

The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.  

But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset. 

Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants  like buoys amongst waves. 

“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard. 

Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.” 

Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?” 

“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!” 

You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill. 

Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?” 

Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s. 

Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.  

You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.  

“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room. 

Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…” 

Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner. 

The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that. 

He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two. 

Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that. 

And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later. 

Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing. 

Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.

The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing. 

And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders. 

His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?” 

You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.” 

Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.” 

Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.” 

“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.” 

A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.” 

Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.  

When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war? 

No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?” 

You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”

“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself. 

“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?” 

Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area. 

“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention. 

“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.” 

“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off. 

“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”

Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.  

From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space. 

Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit. 

Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded. 

But what if you were this time? 

You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark. 

A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous. 

Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?” 

Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.” 

You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications. 

“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.” 

You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already. 

But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries. 

As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.

When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.

The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still. 

No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice. 

Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start. 

And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm. 

Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face. 

But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender. 

Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings. 

His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge. 

Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face. 

“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”

You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs. 

Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”

“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.” 

“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.” 

“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.

“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking. 

“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.” 

Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?” 

“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction. 

You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before. 

Wait.

Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession. 

But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.” 

Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.” 

The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright. 

It was you. He was talking about you. 

Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved. 

That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too. 

No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about. 

You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward. 

Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving? 

“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” 

Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.

But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth. 

You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder. 

Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?

“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.

Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision. 

You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists. 

“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself. 

The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.

Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs. 

Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint. 

After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder. 

But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go. 

“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.” 

A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.” 

She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?” 

“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.” 

Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?

You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead. 

If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.

Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.” 

As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”

“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”

“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”

“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”

Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!” 

You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”

Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests. 

Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”

“Oh, I’m just lucky.” 

“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space. 

The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him. 

When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away. 

“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.” 

You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds. 

“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.” 

Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames. 

It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.

You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display. 

What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything. 

“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.” 

Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.

“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.” 

Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame. 

Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.” 

Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break. 

If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back. 

Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.  

“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.” 

Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers. 

Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now? 

“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.” 

Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight. 

But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you. 

This was too hard. 

“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations. 

“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.

Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.” 

Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece. 

As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow. 

And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave. 

Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?” 

He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.” 

“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel. 

“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.

By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.

Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait. 

You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between. 

But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences. 

“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style. 

“Okay?” 

“We leave at 7 in the morning.” 

“And?” 

“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.” 

Silence. 

All you could respond with was silence. 

Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one. 

It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said. 

But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever? 

For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms. 

“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall. 

Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free. 

When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.

You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.

Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.

“Jinnie.” 

You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips. 

“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.” 

His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on. 

“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away. 

His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.” 

A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.

“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--” 

Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.” 

“I know. I know that now,” you whispered. 

Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down. 

You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure. 

You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.” 

It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed. 

Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.” 

Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”  

“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.” 

“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand. 

A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands. 

He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter. 

Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.

When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.

He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.” 

“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.” 

Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.” 

You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that. 

Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch. 

Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing. 

A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan. 

Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.  

Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look. 

Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?” 

You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.” 

Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”

“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire. 

“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs. 

You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short. 

You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.

Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things. 

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart. 

“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.

“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.” 

You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his. 

It just made you fall for him even more. 

Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan. 

Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth. 

“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans. 

You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.” 

“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off. 

But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.

“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.” 

You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest. 

Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth. 

Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.

The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts. 

You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?” 

Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.

“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself. 

The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function. 

It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you. 

“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat. 

“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.” 

Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.” 

Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.” 

“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.” 

“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes. 

With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed. 

Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.” 

You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time. 

Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop. 

You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you. 

As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke. 

Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance. 

“Are you still…” 

“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.” 

“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?” 

“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”

Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.” 

At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in. 

And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever. 

“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.” 

You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.” 

“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?” 

Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.” 

“You still have your word?” 

“Carousel, yes.” 

“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that. 

Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts. 

“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself. 

His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years. 

You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.  

After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.” 

“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all. 

Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake. 

“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.” 

“Just for you,” you affirmed. 

“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.” 

Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank. 

Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?” 

“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.” 

“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?” 

The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue. 

“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.” 

With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension. 

“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”

You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.

“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind. 

You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”

Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?” 

You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.” 

“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds. 

One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven. 

You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria. 

Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace. 

The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”

“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do. 

You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.

“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips. 

You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle. 

“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you. 

You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal. 

The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again. 

Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close. 

Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.

“Lie down, baby. I’m close.” 

“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.” 

“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again. 

When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever. 

Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow. 

But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more. 

Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”

“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?” 

You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left. 

The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter. 

Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?” 

“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?” 

“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.” 

You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw. 

“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow. 

“Nope. I wanna take one of us.” 

After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers. 

You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. 

“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered. 

And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.

Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))

Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS

Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin. 

Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME

Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!

Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(: 

Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!

Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are

Kook [6:50am]: <3 

You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”

“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?” 

You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid.  Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could. 

Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.

Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!

Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ

Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know. 

Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too

How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them. 

The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time. 

Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire. 

There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place. 

But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be. 

When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe. 

But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again. 

Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!” 

You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection. 

But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble. 

When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile. 

“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?” 

Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.” 

A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?” 

“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.” 

“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind. 

As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out. 

You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over. 

And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.

It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone. 

Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image

You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.

Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous! 

You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.

On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her. 

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a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here!   ++ ⇥ masterlist 

[batfamtv]

(girls like girls) like boys do, nothing new

can you do a jealous carol x reader ? like reader has had long time crush on carol and admits her feelings only to get turned down bc carol has internalized homophobia and doesn’t know how to react. carol gets jealous when reader is moving on with another mcu character of your choice.

carol danvers x reader

warnings: internalized homophobia, failed the reverse bechdel test (women only talk about one (1) woman, a gay), no gays fighting over Y/N

word count: 2565 for the gays; set in avengers: endgame; everyone lives au

read part 1 here

Now, after a couple of years, you got promoted

Working under Nick Fury and caring for the Flerken really got you qualified to work in the field

And you did, with the best of the best: Natasha, the Black Widow, and Clint, Hawkeye

You were there when Loki destroyed New York, when Ultron threatened to destroy the world

Over time, your powers manifested, they have been dormant for the longest time

Speaking of dormant, you hadnt heard from Carol since the night she left

You talked to Nick, asked him if she’s ever stopped by, but she hasnt

“She’s busy saving the world, Y/N” he’d tell you, but that didnt make you feel better

You felt so hurt, by her reaction, her rejection, but you began to look forward

But you think about her everyday, wondering what could have been

Carol had given Nick a pager, “for emergencies only”, she reminded him, but she also gave you one

Carol told you that it’s just to make sure Fury doesnt send out some false alarms, but who was she kidding? Maybe she did want you to hit her up

But after all those years, you hadn’t

She looks at her pager every single day, wondering if the world would miss her if she decides to come see you, to clear things out

And you have thought about ringing her up too, in times when the world is in trouble, and in times when the feeling you have on your chest is sharp that you couldnt breathe

In times when you miss her so much you cry uncontrollably, hand over your mouth to make sure no one hears

To make sure no one hears how much you miss the woman you love

You were with Nick and Maria when it happened

It was chaos in the city, and you, Nick and Maria got out of the car to investigate

The drivers seats of cars are empty, helicopters crashing into buildings

Almost reflexively, your hand flew to your pocket, where the pager lay there, almost waiting for you to press it

“Y/N?” Maria sounded distressed, and when you turned to her, her body was disintegrating, like sand blown away by the wind

Nick was distressed and eyed you, “You have to call her. Call control.”

You didn’t hesitate, pressing the button as you watched Nick do the same to his pager, watching your mentor and friend disappear right in front of your eyes

When your right hand started to disappear, you moved the pager to your left hand, tears threatening to spill

You were going to die, alone, unloved, and not having told Carol how much you miss her

Her name was the last thing on your lips before you disappeared

When carol came back to earth, she didnt know anyone

But everyone was grateful to her, for returning tony

The burning question in her head, the one thing she almost didn’t want to admit

Where is the woman she loves?

Back then, way back when carol was still a child, she was told that there were a lot of things she couldnt do

She couldn’t be strong, couldn’t play baseball--because she was a woman

She couldn’t join the air force, couldn’t be a pilot--because she was a woman

All of these things she couldn’t do, but there has always been one thing she was not allowed to do, not allowed to be

Because she was a woman, she is not allowed to like other women

Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could break the glass ceiling and become an air force captain, but there was one thing that she just was not allowed to do

And that was to acknowledge weird, different feelings for women

That has always been the case, it was drilled into her being, ever since she was a child

Girls can’t like other girls

And you confessing your feelings to her years ago forced her to acknowledge that her feelings for you were not at all platonic, that she didn’t stay with you for 3 days just because you were a good friend to her

Carol had to face the facts that being with you reminded her that she was human, and deep down, like the child that she was a long time ago, she had feelings that she didn’t believe were right

And she understood that her running away was not the right thing to have done, that she, who almost prided herself for being able to face her problems head on, was not ready to face this one problem that she had been forced to hide deep down, for years and years

Carol Danvers had always liked girls, and she liked you

Carrying that aircraft containing tony stark and nebula did not bother her one bit, what bothered her was that she was coming to earth after all these years

Somehow she believes that she is being forced to finally deal with abandoning you after all these years

But in spite of this, carol is feeling excited about this, because finally, after all these years...she had made peace with it

Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new

And all it took for her to realize that was the beeping of the pager

When everything had settled down, carol had been graciously offered a change of clothes by Pepper, who was hysterically thanking her for bringing tony back

The atmosphere was morbid, everyone in silent despair, and she was quietly begging for someone to fill up the spaces of what has happened on earth since she was last there

Finally, surrounded by a group of people calling themselves the “Avengers” (carol raised an eyebrow at this, asking if nick fury was the one who assembled the group, “Yeah, how’d you know?” Rhodes asked, and she shrugged and said “Lucky guess”), she was finally brought to speed

“It’s been 23 days since Thanos came to earth”

Holograms of people Carol believed were part of this team are projected around her

“We’re trying to take a census, and it looks like he did exactly what he said he was gonna do”

Nick Fury’s face appeared on the screen, much to Carol’s shock

Tears were brimming in her eyes, thinking about the distress call from Nick

Because if Nick sent the distress call and is now, as Natasha said, wiped out...does that mean…?

“Thanos wiped out...50% of all the living creatures”

Y/N’s face appeared in front of Carol not long after

With that, Carol exhaled as tears finally fell down her cheeks...she had her suspicions, but hoped--no, begged--for it to be false

Y/N was gone

And carol was too late

Tony stark had been upset...and collapsed, Carol, who was still in shock, was staring at the hologram of Y/N in front of her

“Carol, right?”

Carol turned, regarding Natasha with a nod

They hadn’t had the chance to properly introduce themselves, but Carol didn’t think there was any time

“Carol Danvers,” Steve added with a chuckle, “I think we all know you by name before we even met you”

“Fury really singing me praises, huh?” Carol was almost amused

Natasha smiled sadly, “Not Fury,” and she and Steve turned their heads toward the hologram of Y/N

“Whenever she had the chance, she would talk about “her”, Y/N’s greatest love,” Natasha whispered, remembering how she and Clint always pretended to be annoyed whenever Y/N would go on and on about this really powerful superhero who shined like the sun, and lit a flame in her heart

And as much as Carol wanted to bask in the appreciation, she felt nothing but shame, knowing she abandoned Y/N, and wasn’t able to save her

Glancing back at the hologram, she eyed her once more

Years had been good to Y/N, still beautiful as ever, leaving her breathless, but she wasn’t there anymore

And Carol knew what she had to do

If she couldn’t save Y/N, Carol could avenge her

Rhodes approached her, Natasha, and Steve, “He’s probably gonna be out for the rest of the day”, referring to tony

With a resolute look on her face, she said, “You guys take care of him, and I’ll bring him a Xorrian elixir when I come back”

Confused, Natasha, Steve and Rhodes glanced at each other before Steve asked, “Where are you going?”

“To kill Thanos,” Carol said matter-of-factly

Natasha could almost feel the anger Carol was radiating with, so she hurried to catch up to her, “You know, we usually work as a team here…”

When Natasha finally had the chance, she pulled carol over to the side to talk to her privately

“I know that you usually work on your own, that there are worlds out there who need you, but earth needs you too”

She was convincing Carol to stay, to try and create a better world for the people who survived, but it was getting quite hard for Carol to remain on earth

“I don’t…” Carol shook her head, “I don’t have much left on earth.”

“If you can’t stay, atleast come from time to time,” Natasha begged, “This was your home, wasn’t it? This was Y/N’s too.”

And Natasha was right, Carol thought, and in more ways than one, it was her home. But now it’s empty, and Carol is in mourning and she had never felt so alone

All those years, she thought she could live with what she did knowing that Y/N she was still on Earth, possibly with someone who is not ashamed of who she is, who is not ashamed to accept their own feelings

And Carol was okay with that thought, but now…

She couldn’t stand being on Earth knowing Y/N wasn’t there

It was like coming home to a cold and empty house

But she looked at Natasha, finally with the courage to ask her what she had been thinking all this time, “Were you and Y/N together?”

“No,” Natasha answered, almost teasingly

Carol felt relief, but above all, she felt obligated

To do right by Y/N

So she agreed to visit and report from time to time, “For Y/N. Because I need to do right by Y/N.”

When Carol returned to earth after 5 years, Thanos was there, and so was everybody who had disappeared 5 years ago

In spite of all the chaos, she couldn’t help the voice in her head, asking, “Is Y/N here? Is she safe?”

But you were nowhere to be found, and she had promised to scour the world for you later

Thanos was defeated, but it was in exchange for the lives of Tony and Natasha

With a heavy heart, everyone attended their funerals, all grieving the loss of two of their comrades, friends

At the funeral, Carol stood at the distance, watching behind everybody else

Behind her, Nick was there, and they exchanged solemn nods and opted to wait until the end of the funeral to reconnect

“You came,” was the first thing Fury said, after all those years that they haven’t seen each other

With a small chuckle, she nodded, “Don’t flatter yourself, I didn’t come because you called.”

“I know,” Fury retorted, amused, “You came because she called, right?”

Carol’s mouth opened, lips about to ask a question she had been dying to ask ever since she came back, but no words came out

When everything was chaos and adrenaline and fighting, Carol was not scared

But now that the dust has settled, she was terrified...because now there was no more excuse to avoid what her heart has been begging her to do

Before she could push the question out of her mouth, Fury handed her a piece of paper. “She’s off-duty. Gave her a whole damn month to recuperate from being wiped off the face of the planet.”

And when Carol unfolded the piece of paper, it was just an address

Nodding gratefully to Fury, Carol turned to leave, about to face her biggest obstacle yet

From what she could tell, it was a safehouse

Apparently, Y/N was someone high up the organization that they had warranted her one

Just a little cottage out on the countryside, a palace she had always wanted

Carol laughed whenever she remember you saying, “Maybe one day I could afford a little house in the middle of Kansas, meet Clark Kent and Lois Lane...I don’t know”

And here you were, at a small little house in the countryside

Carol watched you, almost ashamed to just be staring at you while you make yourself some breakfast

As she approached the porch, she wondered how she could take on the mad titan Thanos, but is now shaking as she brought her knuckles to knock on your door, extremities suddenly feeling cold, and knees wobbling to support her weight

She could barely hear your footsteps because of the blood rushing to her head, to her face, heart beating wildly

And when you opened the door, she noted how your eyes widened the tiniest bit, mouth opened in surprise when you realized who was on the other side

“Hi, Y/N,” was the first thing she croaked out

“You…” you smiled at her, “you changed your hair”

With a laugh, she nodded, running a hand through her short hair, before she let her hand down

Slowly counting to three

And engulfed you in a hug

Absolutely-swept-you-off-your-feet hug, your feet leaving the ground as her arms wound tightly across your waist, almost crushing you

And when you heard her inhale into the nape of your neck, it was like a reflex that you threw your arms around her neck, squeezing her just as tight

And Carol wanted to apologize, and confess, and plead for you to give her another chance

She wanted to tell you that she’s sorry for leaving, i was so confused and i was scared to come back and have you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t forgive me for what i did, but i have made peace with who i am and know what i want and what i want is you and your happiness and you and you

And she may have tried to make a letter to help her organize her thoughts

You held her shoulders back, looking at her, really looking at her, after all these years, and you use your thumbs to wipe away the tears running down her face as she shyly laughed at you and held your hands to her cheeks and kept it there for a second, relishing in your heat because you were finally here, after all this time, after 5 long years you are alive

And she brought your hands down and cupped your face and leaned in

And touched her lips to yours, gently, lovingly, finally

You can taste the saltiness of her tears, but also her apologies, and love, and devotion and you kissed her back, smiling

And as you pulled away, you wiped her tears again, before holding her hands, guiding Carol inside, “Let’s eat breakfast.”

And Carol Danvers, for once, was selfish, and did not think of the world needing her help, because she knows that the world would be fine if Carol stayed home for a while

And home is wherever you are

a/n: thank you so much for your support! i rly hope you like this ;__;

[sgesges-current-reads]

Here’s my first The Final Gambit update. Like most of my book updates this was supposed to go up this morning but my car was literally stuck in a flash flood on the way back home from something, if there’s one thing Chicago does it floods, so I apologize in advance for the lack of editing. This update may be full of spoilers! It depends what you consider a spoiler, but I will be reacting to events in the first 14 chapters.

Spoilers ahead

Keep scrolling down for the update

Why is Grayson being a little 💩 not talking to her since he went to Harvard smh 🤦‍♀️

“Hawthornes aren’t supposed to break” noooo Grayson

Oh what a mess. Eve is here, Grayson spots her and thinks he’s a hallucinating (kudos to him for not passing out, that’s what I thought was about to happen), Avery let’s her shower in her shower, Grayson walks past Jameson in Avery’s bed! Jameson asks to be filled in while he’s not wearing a shirt! Poor Grayson, I’d say F it and go live with my murderous mother

Why is Grayson the one who had to give Jameson a shirt? I don’t expect anything from Jameson other then for him to flaunt the fact that he wasn’t wearing one in the first place but COME ON Avery

I’m about to die. Grayson says Eve is one of them the day he meets her when it took weeks for him to say it about Avery? I know he’s seemingly mentally not doing so well rn but is his arc to fall in love with her? This is wrong on so many levels

Well he kissed a girl at Harvard, not sure if that’s a good thing or not yet, Avery does NOT get to be upset about this though

“It also wouldn’t be the worst time to tell me that you aren’t jealous of Eve standing that close to Grayson.” Now I kind of feel bad for Jameson too, is this whole book going to be me feeling sorry for the bois?

Nash is buying cowboy hats for Libby?! 💀😭

“You hired someone.” Jameson’s eyes narrowed. “With what money?” “Invest. Cultivate. Create.” Is Jameson the only brother who didn’t make good investments? Because we already know Xander made great investments, based on this Grayson’s went pretty well, knowing Nash his went at least okay, and knowing Jameson his were a big flop

All in all, this was somewhat of a boring update, I know, but tomorrow's update is more interesting. Right now I'm just really annoyed because Grayson is falling apart (not that I'm exactly sure why), Jameson is being a jealous ick, and we haven't seen enough of Nash and Xander. At this point I don't even care if Grayson isn't endgame I just want him to have a CHANCE!

[moxfirefly]

Okay okay okay I have something. You are so good at writing tmnt so here it goes. What about... Make up sex? ;) I imagine how there has been a huge fight with their girl. So much so that the turtles thought it would lead to breakup. But the SO returns and it ultimately leads to some angsty action. Of course you can imagine it however you want too! Make up your own reasons if need be!!

As somebody who breathes angst this is truly fun. You didn’t specify a turt lad so I hope you don’t mind me choosing and going from there. Just cause I’m intrigued ima go with my orange boi.

TW: Angst/Feels/Arguments

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

His hands hurt so much. When you ball your fists for too long the tendons tend to protest, the digging of nails into palms stings.

Mikey doesn’t like how loud his head feels right now. He sits against the wall closest to his tv, your scent is surrounding him and it only serves to make him more frustrated and gutted. The two of you have never gone past discussion into full blow arguing. He doesn’t like to fight with you, he does enough fighting on a nightly bases anyways.

But you got stubborn and he got selfish. Voices got raised, things were said and each one got hurt. He knows he can’t keep you glued to his shell forever, he’s had to learn the hard way, that there’s a life above that you inhabit and people around he’ll never truly meet. He knows every detail about your home life, knows your mother’s maiden name, how your aunt likes to get drunk at the family reunions and spill gossip. He knows your childhood home’s street name, the first guy you kissed, the first girl you kissed. Every aspect of your life you have told him in confidence, in laughter, in tears.

But Mikey is never gonna be part of it. He can’t really meet your dad and have that ‘if you break her heart I’ll break your legs’ talk. He won’t bond with your mom over their mutual love of cooking and secretly become her confidant. Knowing all these people but never truly knowing them is something he accepts.

It’s you leaving for three months back home. Three months away from him, three months where you’ll be surrounded by nostalgia you miss and love. Where your family will ask about ‘any boyfriends?’ and you’ll have to fake laugh your way through it. Three months of you being amongst people you constantly miss.

Surrounded by normalcy.

And Mikey wanted to be happy for you, he wanted to say fuck it and face time you every morning and night, watch you be happy to be in your hometown and maybe even get a virtual tour of it...

But that little dark part in his brain calls him a freak and reminds him constantly that you’ll get tired of surrounding yourself in craziness, monsters, end of the world scenarios etc. It just can’t seem to allow him to be happy for you. So the entire thing had ended in a fight, where dumb regretful things had been spat and you had marched off pissed and he had remained here equally pissed.

His brothers think he doesn’t get mad, they think he holds himself together through sheer ignorant bliss but it’s never been the case. Cause you’ve seen fire in his pretty blue eyes, you’ve seen those same very pretty blue eyes turn red with tear, you’ve seen so much of what he hides behind his laughter.

And fuck, three months of you away?!

Mikey pushes his knees up against his chest and sighs. His phone hasn’t made a noise despite his efforts to try and call you after he has calmed down. He debated going to your house and apologizing or at least going for a more calmer approach in expressing why this had left him so triggered. He wants to make sure this hasn’t pushed you both to your end, another nagging little thought that hasn’t quite shut its mouth.

Had this been the end? Had you walked out in a fury of frustration and decided this is it? Would you seize all communication and just erase the memories of him and your time together?

He’s hurting himself, he’s also getting angrier. This is stupid, he’s been stupid and immature and so are you for walking off!

It’s two hours before he decides to get up and toss his phone and try to consume his surrounding in order to relax. Mind over matter and all it’s wonderful bullshit. He doesn’t want to leave his room cause he knows the others must’ve heard.

He’s four hours deep into a shooting game when Raph pokes his head in with some food. He doesn’t look up, cause he knows Raph wants to be a good big brother and talk to him but he doesn’t want to when he’s one unfortunate mishandling away from crying. He lets him sit with him, watch him play and run a little bit of commentary that actually makes him smile just a teeny bit.

Even when Raph gets up and runs a large mitt over his head and tells him ‘broads are just emotional, she’ll come around’ he tries his best to not let his eyes betray him. Even when Raph gives the top of his head a kiss and pats his shell, he tries his best to keep it together.

It’s around 4am when he decides to look for his phone, chucked somewhere near his bed and maybe not broken. He finds it under his bed, screen a little cracked and one text message reading ‘r u awake?’ By you, it was sent twenty minutes ago and somewhere between debating calling or texting he hears the curtain in his room move.

You’re there.

Face two parts unreadable and a good topping of frustrated. Your face is bare, a mixture of sleepwear and winter clothing that clearly shows you had tried to sleep it off but couldn’t. “I just saw this... sorry” Mikey wonders if that sorry is related to the unread text or more so this mess. You look away, the energy around you can be felt. That upset way you bite the inside of your lip, how you cross your arms and run through every possible way of starting your side of things to say.

“Why are you really mad about me going back home?” You can’t meet his gaze and Mikey is thankful because he feels an oncoming headache. “I dunno man...” He sets his phone on his makeshift night table and runs his hands through his face, mask being taken off with the motion.

“That’s not an answer, you’re mad about something and I want to know” This time you do look and Mikey’s playing with the shoe string on one of the sneakers that hangs from the bunk bed. He chooses to stay quiet because if he does say something, what are the chances that you’ll understand?

“Mike, talk to me” He huffs a bitter laugh, ‘Mike’ is the he’s in trouble name. But he feels more obstinate than ever because why talk?

He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down at his feet. “I didn’t come back in the freezing cold to actually work through this if you aren’t going to throw me a bone at least-” Your tone is a mix of exasperation and sadness. “You go back and you forget about me” Mikey cuts through.

You furrow your brows at his statement. “What?” You take a few steps but he side steps you and that somehow cuts you. “You go back home and you realize it’s better to be in a normal environment that isn’t New York, in the sewers, with me-“ He motions to all of him. “And all the crazy shit we do” He glares, not necessarily at you but more so at all of this, the current state of affairs.

Running a frustrated hand through your hair you try to settle your thoughts. “You can’t jump to a conclusion like that and you know it, I’m not skulking off back home and ghosting you! And frankly it fucking hurts you think of me like that” You reach for him because Mikey can’t be still for five seconds if his life depended on it, but he grabs your hands and refuses to let you lull him with your touch. “It’s not a conclusion it’s a friggin possibility! Do you see us actually being endgame in all this shit!” He grips your wrists, you want to get through to him but he’s lost in that terrible negative mindset.

“We both aren’t mind readers! But trust me that leaving you is nowhere on my list of achievements” You manage out of his grip and grasp his face. “You are being unfair and stubborn as fuck but I love you okay?” Your voice sounds almost angry, angry at the very idea of living in a world where you and him don’t coexist together.

“I can’t even marry you! I can’t even knock you up!” Another bitter laugh escapes him, he knows your parents would die for some grandkids. Why is he so different, why does he have to be so fucking different he wonders bitterly.

“I don’t care, I don’t fucking care about a piece of paper or screaming babies, I care about you and I want you and I’m fucking happy with you stop sabotaging it” You press your hands to his hard plastron and scowl. “Stop lying to me then! Don’t pity lie at me when I know you want all that shit” He frowns, eyes watery and not caring if he wakes everybody up in the Lair.

Mikey’s ready for the rant of a life time but then you have to go and kiss him.

Kiss him hard, kiss him with rage bubbling on the skin of your lips. He can taste your words, taste every way you would’ve shut down his words with basic truth and facts. You pull away, forehead still pressed to his and you mutter against his lips. “You’re so fucking insufferable, shut up and listen to me” Your eyes are watery as is, hands at his neck to keep him at eye level.

“I love you, I love you so fucking much” You take a shuttering inhale, fingers skimming up towards his cheeks. Mikey can only watch you, take in every detail he’s been obsessed with for so long. You’re so beautiful to him, even when your angry crying, yelling at him to open his eyes. You’re warm and real in front of him, against his body. You watch his eyes go from that calm before the storm into the aftermath.

He’s so real to you, so lovely and he doesn’t seem to understand it.

There’s a pause. A mere ten second reprieve where only silence and breathing remain. Mikey feels your hands slowly slide down his body, nails scratching his sides. You keep your eyes on him, a hand slides into his shorts, index finger mapping out the slit that encompasses his most intimate part. Mikey shudders, sensitivity racking his body at your touch. He walks you up against a wall, a hand on your neck and another finding it’s way into your own pants.

He teases you, just as you tease him. Knees buckle when he pushes your lips apart and feels your moistening folds. There’s already a bump where your touching him and the way he’s tensing gives way to how he’s trying to hold himself in. “Come on, come on” You weren’t aware just how hard you’ve been breathing till you speak. Mikey’s mouths falls open, eyes closing as he drops down into your warm awaiting hand. You stroke him, teasing the flesh of his head just to make him buck and recapture your lips. His own finger finds its way in you, stretching and making your breath hitch.

The only reason you both pull away is to tear at one another’s clothes, an easy accomplishment when Mikey’s got just his shorts. He isn’t soft with your clothing either, yanking and nearly tearing, his on his knees pulling off your underwear. Your scent hits him and he’s gone, trapped in all that is you. He inhales sharply as he gets back on his feet, arms hooking under your thighs as he picks you up.

You both land on the bed, a huff escaping you and a grunt when Mikey feels you push him so you can straddle him. You don’t quite finesse this, it’s not your usual seductive ways that leave him a mess. It’s rough, there’s still frustration lingering in the air and Mikey’s okay with it because he knows he might go to rough if he runs the show.

So you do.

Sinking down on his hard cock with a long guttural moan. Mikey digs his fingers onto the plush skin of your bottom, just enough to make you sit on his cock and relish it. Eyes closed he just basks, the tightness, the wetness, the warmth. His eyes flutter open when he feels your palms on his plastron, firm and with purpose. His hands know already, they go up and rest on your waist and he swallows a churr when your hips begin to move fast and hard.

That rhythmic slapping of flesh, your rear hitting his lap on each thrust down. Mikey can’t stop churring, eyes on your own or slipping down to your beautiful breasts bouncing. You notice and lean forward, he buries his face between him, arm going around your waist as he lifts his hips to help you cross that line. The sweat of your skin is on the top of his tongue as he sucks a bruise onto your breast, you’re tightening up so much, cussing and begging for him.

You both can’t stop moaning, once you’re cummin and Mikey follows closely behind. He holds you close to him as you ride out the sensations, tightly secured against his strong body, held and loved. You’re a broken record of ‘I love you’s and so is he, filling you up and up.

Collapsed on top of him, chest heaving, you still feel the strength in his arms as he hugs you to him. You bury your face on his neck, body shaking with sobs as he whispers he’s sorry over and over as he kisses your shoulder, neck and head.

You say it too, against his skin.

Where you wish you could stay everyday.

[ellsbclls]

The Fire Escape

warnings ➛ A couple of swear words here and there, mentions of death, endgame spoilers, and a dash of far from home erasure.

word count ➛ 4.7K

synopsis ➛ After the events of End Game, Peter Parker takes a break from his crime fighting persona, but when Spider-Man is called to a mission in Sokovia, he realizes that you might not be ready to handle the life of an Avenger’s girlfriend. There’s a little bit of angst, but not enough to keep you up at night.

“Y/N… Earth to Y/N.”

Peter ropes you back to reality with a light squeeze of your hand, a simple gesture that you return two-fold. On normal dates, the competition would ignite almost immediately, squeezing each other’s hands back and forth, under varying degrees of pressure, until one of you cried uncle — but this is far from a normal date.

It had started innocently enough. Peter had begged Dr.Banner to let him leave his “internship” an hour early just so he could surprise you at work. You assumed — after some superb groveling on Peter’s part — that Bruce agreed, because the end of your shift was met with a parchment wrapped dozen of blushing roses, accompanied by your equally blushing boyfriend. The two of you were able to snag one of the emptier carts on the N train, and were accompanied by a small Greek woman who sent a warm smile when you nestled your head into Peter’s shoulder. The smile disappeared as soon as he started using the poles as his personal jungle gym, but your laugh made up for its loss as he offered his hand out, begging you to join him with a Gene Kelly-esque flair. He ushered you into one of your favorite ramen places during your stroll down Ditmars, pulling out your chair when you were given a table, pretending not to notice how you snuck a noodle or two from his bowl when he wasn’t looking. Your heart felt so warm, you’re surprised it didn’t melt.

So why does everything seem so off now? You and Peter are walking side by side down 37th avenue, he’s rambling excitedly about some new enhancement he made to his web slingers, the evening breeze is kissing your cheeks as it waltzes around the autumn foliage, and somehow, you feel like you’re in the eye of a hurricane.

“Where’d you go?” Peter tries to reel you back in once more and succeeds, craning his head to meet your gaze.

“Oh, just a quick jog.” you tease. There’s a thin edge underlying your sarcasm, and you wonder if he can hear it, too. You’re only a block away from your apartment, and the tiny voice in the back of your mind rationalizes that nothing could ruin your impromptu date night if you were tucked away in your home — because you always feel safe when you’re home. Yet, with no solid evidence to confirm or deny the thought, you’re in a race with the block to dig through your purse.

“Oh, well don’t forget to warm up.” he teases back. His caramel hues, once alight with a mirthful glint, start to descend into an uneasy resolve that only confirms your suspicions, but you’re too occupied by the whereabouts of your keys to notice. “Speaking of warm up, actually, there’s something I have to ask you.”

“Shoot.” you reply offhandedly.

“Well, I- I don’t know how to say this.” The tremor in his voice is subtle, but just present enough to pull you from your search.   “There’s- uh- there’s something going on in Sokovia, or at least what’s left of it. There’s a lot of feedback coming off the maps, like a… a hotplate of cosmic activity, so Captain wants the entire team there.”

There it is — that dark cloud that hung over your head this evening finally drenches you in a sharp, cold blanket of realization. Your heart stops, aches, and then crumbles to the pit of your stomach, waiting to be washed away by the waves of terror that crash upon your airways, and despite the wash cycle of emotions you’ve just endured, you feel far from clean. In fact, everything feels heavy — from the weight of your heart to your ragged breath — paralyzed by the idea that each thump, each exhale, brings you closer to the moment where Peter has to leave.

You started dating a year and a half ago, and two years have passed since half of the population was restored to its rightful plane of existence. Iron Man’s death left a massive hole in Peter’s morale, as well as a nagging doubt that he would never be able to take on the mantle he was left with. So, for the first time since he was bitten by that radioactive spider, he cowered in the face of adversity. Not only had he lost a mentor, he had lost his friend — and when Tony Stark sacrificed his life, he was under the impression that the heroes he saved would continue to protect the world, but sometimes Peter wonders if that still reigns true. If Mr.Stark knew just how easily the team had crumbled, how easily he had crumbled, would he still leave? Three and a half years later and Peter still can’t find the answer.

Meanwhile, when it seemed like the world needed him most, Spiderman slipped into obscurity. Now he only makes an appearance when the newscast is a little too bleak to ignore, and even then, he usually sticks to the rogue bank heist or back alley mugging.

You try not to pry, knowing that each time you ask about his brief hiatus is like poking an open wound, and, albeit selfishly, you relish in the fact that your boyfriend isn’t throwing himself in harm's way. However, now seems like a better time than ever for an interrogation, seeing as this is not only the first Avengers mission he’s attended in your relationship, but the first mission to ever span past the Hudson.

No obstacle prior has conjured a looming sense of dread and anxiety as palpable as the one you’re toting now. You can already feel it bubbling in your chest, like a cauldron of endless toils, expelling a hazy fog that makes your head spin.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t give out on me now.” You don’t realize that your knees buckled beneath you until Peter comes to your rescue, and you silently wish that all of his heroic excursions could be this simple. The warmth of his hand bleeds past your winter coat and business casual blouse as it settles against the small of your back, and your body betrays you as it melts into his touch. “Contrary to popular belief, I’m actually not CPR certified.”

“I- I’m sorry.” Your mouth is bone dry, and you can barely muster a laugh convincing enough to counter his attempt at humor, so you don’t. You opt on settling your gaze upon the entrance of your building, just over Peter’s shoulder, and trying to ground yourself enough to stand without his help.

Peter’s hand still lingers on your form when you shuffle away from him, moving from the small of your back to the curve of your elbow. He can tell that you’re shaken, he expected that much from the get go, so he doesn’t leave your side, encroaching on the space you so obviously seek.  

“I don’t know- I don’t…” You muster just enough courage to counter his gaze, and a tiny frown creases between your brows, confusion riddling every other feature. “What exactly are you asking me?”

He pauses, searching for the answer himself. “Well, I guess- I just wanna know how you’re feeling.”

You chalk it up to your sudden sense of irritability, but his question just pisses you off. How dare he throw out a semblance of hope, a faulty impression, that you’d have any choice in this matter. You climb the three steps up to the front door, dolled up in dismay, and still try to find purchase in the illusion that you have any control in the matter. Maybe that’s what pushes you over the deep end, your once honeyed voice now curdled by venom — the hopelessness of it all. “Oh, I’m fine! I’m amazing, Peter. After the way you buttered me up all evening, how could I possibly be upset?”

“Y/N, that’s not fair-” Peter’s visibly taken aback, his features mimicking your own. You can see the cogs turning in his head, formulating some way to diffuse this situation before it really begins, but now that the gates are opened, it’s too late for you to hold anything back.

“Why not? Cause it’s the truth?” You cut him off, freshly manicured nails digging into your palms in an attempt to keep your tone even. “Let me tell you what’s not fair — You don’t even know how long you’re gonna be gone, do you?”

You’re met with a mutual silence, which confirms just how equally unaware you both are.

“Exactly.” At this point, your nerves are getting the best of you. Whether you lay all of your feelings out to him tonight or not, a sickening thought will remain — Peter is going to leave, and there’s a chance he won’t come back. So you persist, your hues boring into his own with each word. “You don’t know what it’s like to sit in our bed and wonder if you’re gonna be in it the next morning. You don’t know how terrifying it is to watch the news and pray to god that you’re not a part of it. You’re never going to be in my shoes when it comes to all of this, and I pray to god that you never have to be because I never want you to feel this way. That’s what’s not fair.” You wish your voice hadn’t grown weaker with each blow, you wish you could utter your last few thoughts with an unwavering certainty, but you know you can’t — not when a sob threatens to bubble up from the back of your throat. “That you can just decide to swing across the globe and put your life in danger while I sit at home and worry about you, and the worst part is that it only makes me love you more.”

“Y/N, do you think this is easy for me?” he’s never raised his voice at you, especially not like this, but it looks like tonight is a series of firsts for the both of you. “I haven’t been on a mission with the Avengers since high school, since —” Since Mr.Stark died. You know.

It’s not like he didn’t try to say it, he did, but the name just felt so foreign on his tongue. After years of inactivity, the threat of unearthing all those memories, all those bright eyed, bushy tailed endeavors, was almost as bad as remembering that he was gone — or even worse, not remembering them at all. But where could he retreat to now? He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, forced to choose between the thought of losing Mr.Stark, or the thought of losing you. His thoughts are raw and earnest as he tries to placate the latter. “I don’t want to leave you. It terrifies me to think of all the things that could happen to you while I’m gone —”

“Obviously it doesn’t scare you enough, because you’re still going!” You punch the last two words, as if you’re suddenly trying to talk to him from across the street.

“I don’t have a choice, Y/N! I don’t-”

Your argument skids to a screeching halt, rivaling the groan of the metal door that guards your apartment complex, and with it appears Ms.Nunez — the single mother that lives a floor below you, whose ability to juggle her graveyard shifts at the hospital with her two rambunctious toddlers is almost as impeccable as her timing.

She appears to be in a rush as she skirts past you, but not enough to stop her from sending Peter an all too knowing look — one that screams “what did you do to that poor girl?”, with only the view of your red, puffy eyes and guarded stance to back up her assumption.

And with an opportunity so golden laying at your feet, who are you to ignore it? You catch the door before it hits the frame and slip into the yellowed entryway, barreling up the stairwell before he can question her weighted stare. You leave Peter no choice but to slip past Ms.Nunez in your pursuit, without so much as a goodbye, but a few choice words still sit on the back of his tongue, waiting to be swallowed.

Normally, the five stories of stairs leaves you winded by the third, but you chalk your superhuman stamina up to adrenaline. Luckily for you, you’re able to reach the last flight of stairs as Peter climbs up the first. Unluckily for you, you seem to forget that your boyfriend actually does have superhuman stamina, and you swear to fucking god that he’s flying up the stairwell by the time you shut the door behind you.

The door slams twice more after that, one loud bang to signal Peter’s entrance and one to punctuate it. His voice pierces through the apartment, firm and unyielding. “This conversation isn’t over, Y/N.”

He has no idea where you’ve run off to, ruling out the kitchen once he drapes his jacket over the center island. All he can hear is your voice, muffled behind one of the walls, calling out to him with little emotion to spare. “Oh, yes it is. I’m over it. It’s over.”

“Well, that’s mature.” He mutters under his breath, not expecting you to hear him, let alone respond.

“Oh, I’m so glad you think so!” You chuckle dryly, ”‘Cause your judgment of maturity is oh so rational and not at all fucking batshit.” And he thought he had enhanced hearing.

“You know what? You’re right.” He scoffs, letting the slam of the bathroom door punctuate his final words. “I’m over this, too.”

🕷 🕷 🕷

“Y/N?” Peter calls out, but to no avail. It’s on nights like these where he wishes you weren’t fighting, knowing fully well that you would command him to the bed with a downward pointing finger and the best glare you could muster. You’ve always loved the way his hair curled into soft, chestnut waves, so you didn’t mind weaving through his damp tresses before he went to sleep. You would make up some excuse about how the process helped give his curls definition, and he would always end up way too tired and relaxed to call you out on it.

You’re nowhere to be found, though. Your comforter is still as haphazard as it was this morning, and the kitchen is void of your late night snack ravaging. The only sign of your presence is found in the open window next to you bed, and way the curtains float against the evening breeze, leaving him to ponder your whereabouts at a breakneck speed. 

A million visions of paranoia screen through his mind all at once, but he’s quick to dismiss them, oddly familiar with the prospect of losing someone, and all the fretting that comes with it.

And you know better than to wander the streets of the city so late at night — but with all of the venom being spewed throughout the apartment, Peter wouldn’t be surprised if you needed a small reprieve. Even for just a quick trip to the corner market. He’s well aware of the eagle eye you sport in the moonlit streets, as well as the switchblade that sits in the side pocket of your bag, but he knows better than anyone that you have to expect the unexpected in these streets.

He pulls out his phone, ready to shoot you a quick text when the bars of the fire escape let out a metallic groan. Despite your apartment’s... adequate amenities, you’d never had a problem with the fire escape. The finicky oven? Maybe, but never the fire escape.

Even without his spidey senses tingling, he has no choice but to poke his head through the window pane, and to his surprise, he ends up killing two birds with one stone.

“I didn’t know you were out here.” Peter balances on the window sill, crouching in a near feline stance as he surveys your position — bundled between the metal grates of the fire escape and your downy comforter. Your lips are parted in a tiny “o”, eyelids blanketing your hues, and with the street lights flickering to life across the seam of thirty-eighth avenue, you’re nothing short of angelic — features now outlined in a seraphic, dewy haze.

If he wasn’t feeling guilty beforehand, the sight before him guarantees he is now.

“Yeah, that was kind of the point.” you murmur. You don’t bother to open your eyes, not even when the iron beams start to squeak under Peter’s weight. “Can I help you with something? I’m pretty sure this thing has a weight limit, and this is a weighted blanket.”

You’re met with silence, and you hate to admit it, but you’d take his silent presence over your self-induced isolation any day. Despite the fact that you only moved in together four months prior, your body has grown accustomed to his presence, subconsciously weaving it into your daily routine. There were nights when you would splay out like a starfish in your childhood bedroom, waiting restlessly for the gentle wrap of his knuckles at the window pane, and that same restlessness bleeds into nights in your shared apartment,  which then bleeds into now. Sure, you can trick your body into sleeping, but rest seems to be boroughs and islands away when Peter’s not there to wish you a good night.

A terse silence settles between the two of you, and you blink up at Peter, expecting him to break it since you surely wouldn’t.

“Why here?” Peter exceeds your expectations with his query. His gaze is fixed on Manhattan’s skyline — even from the tippy top of the complex, he can still make out the jagged glittering, crust of the city’s bustling core — and it’s then he finds the answer to his very own question.

“I used to sneak onto the fire escape at my parents place, too.” you reminisce, the corners of your lips curling into a bittersweet grin. “The apartment walls were thin, and whenever they would fight, or talk shit about something I did that day, I would just sit on the fire escape until I fell asleep.”

“How?” He breaks yet another lengthy pause, and you fight the urge to chuckle at his candor, settling with a lazy grin. “I mean, no offense, but Astoria isn’t exactly a library.”

“Yeah, but inside, I knew exactly what they were saying, how they were feeling — it was all in the air. At least out here everything just… blends together. It’s kind of peaceful in a way.”

Your voice is so timid and gentle as you recall your childhood, reflecting on moments that seem lifetimes away despite the handful of years in between. Peter’s gaze is transfixed on your profile, skating down the slope of your nose and skirting the curves of your lips until he realizes just how small you are. He tends to hold you on a pedestal, a habit he’s retained since the very beginning of your relationship, so sometimes it still baffles him to know that you can be anything but perfect — that you too can be human, and make human mistakes.

“How come I’ve never seen you out here before?” He feels like a little kid, question after question slipping past his lips before he even has the chance to filter them.

“‘Cause I haven’t had a reason to hide since I moved in with you.”

And just when he thought he couldn’t feel even guiltier, he’s soon overflowing with it. It kills him to know that you felt the need to escape, and you’ll never admit it after tonight, but he was the one who pushed you toward it.

“I’m sorry.” Peter blurts out, not expecting you to say —

“I’m sorry.”

You furrow your brows, cutting him off before he can even open his mouth to protest. “I’m just so used to my Peter. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I’m sharing him with the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.”

“Hey, hey — look at me.” His thumb traces the spot right under your eye, using his pinky to nudge the curve of your jaw upward, toward his gaze — heavy and drenched in a type of resoluteness that leaves your mouth bone dry. “It may not always seem like it, but trust me when I tell you that you’re always going to be my top priority.”

“Peter, you’re being dramatic.” You sigh, finding it hard to believe that your life could take any precedence over the safety of mankind itself.

“No, I’m being honest.” His voice, his gaze, they leave no room for protest. You feel a little awkward being the center of their attention, and so it’s a relief when they shift to the city’s skyline once more. “Look over there, you know what that is?”

“Central Park?”

“Mhm, good girl.” Crimson blooms across the valley of your cheeks at his choice of nickname, no matter how innocently he uttered it, but your attention still remains undivided. “I figured out that I can get home quicker if I cut through it.”

You quirk a brow, and he doesn’t need to ask to know exactly what you’re thinking — So what if he hasn’t figured out which trains he needs to board in order to make a dent in his homebound commute? It’s the thought that counts.

“Sometimes like to just stop for a second and watch some of the people in the park, but not in, like, a creepy way? You know what I mean?” A subtle hint of embarrassment tinges his features, but dissolves once he notices your understanding nod.  “Is there a word for that?”

“Yeah, it’s called people watching.” You snickered, trying to imagine your boyfriend and his attempts at roasting the New York natives. “MJ and I do it all the time.”

“No, but with less… shit talking.” He counters.

Ouch.

“Oh…” You’re stumped, unsure of where he’s heading and, quite frankly, a little humbled by his read. “Hmm… Carry on?”

“Well,” Peter lets his hand rest palm forward on his knee, fingers gently curled, and you’re well acquainted with the gesture. Almost instinctively, you hover your hand above his own, digits clumsily dancing with one another as he speaks, and for a fleeting second, everything is back to normal. “It’s just… mind-blowing sometimes. There’s so much life there, all at once. All of these people are just living their lives, making their way home, falling in love, falling out of love, buying overpriced hotdogs from the street vendors — The other day I saw this mom fishing her two toddlers out of that fountain on Terrace road and honestly, if they don’t end up with superpowers, I’ll be shocked.” He can tell he’s drifted wildly off track by the way you nod, slowly and unsure, as to not offend him and his train of thought. “The point is… I used to protect all of that, and it used to make me so happy.”

“You still do,” You murmur, not one to discredit the risks he does take in the name of New York. Just because his enemies aren’t held to the same caliber as, say, Thanos, doesn’t mean they aren’t worthwhile. “All that matters is that you’re doing what you can.”

You hesitantly intertwine your fingers with his, in just a delicate enough hold to let him reject it if he so chooses. Your lips softly quirk upward when he only tightens the grip.

“Thank you.” He offers a comforting smile, one that barely reaches his eyes, and you can tell that he has more to say. So, you squeeze his hand, silently urging him to continue. “Well, I just- after Mr.Stark… passed away… it was really hard to remember why I started doing all of it in the first place. Like- I hate saying this, but why do we keep protecting all of these strangers when all the people we do know just keep getting hurt?” He winces at his own words, so far removed from such bitterness that he can barely believe he once thought such selfish things. “But then- then I get to see all of the people that I’ve been protecting, and suddenly it all makes sense again. All I want to do is make sure people are safe, and happy, and hopefully… Hopefully, when we’re older, and we have kids that jump in the fountains at Central Park, someone like me will be watching… and they’ll feel the exact same way.”

When we’re older, When we have kids... Those promises of marriage, of a loving family, of a future — they bounce off your eardrums like a mantra. Soon, you can’t even imagine thinking about anything but Peter’s words, and how much you love him right now, and how you’ll love him until your heart can’t possibly take it anymore. You can read what he’s trying to portray loud and clear — He loves you, he can see a future with you, and if there’s ever a doubt in your mind that his feelings may have changed, you can look out into the world and find pieces of his heart in every passing face.

“I haven’t been doing everything I can to make sure that’s possible, though.” He breaches your lovesick trance, reminding you that there’s still a thread of discord dangling between you. One that you can see rapidly disappearing with each passing second. “I have to go on this mission, Y/N. I wanna start helping people again. I wanna do right by him.”

“I know.” You whisper, conceding to the fact that you will always want what’s best for him, even if you aren’t a fan of the circumstances. “It doesn’t make it any less sucky.”

“C’mere.” He can barely pat his thighs before you’re crawling toward him. He passes a warm hand under your thigh once you straddle his waist, scooping you further into his lap, and uses his free hand to encompass the nape of your neck. You feel like you could melt, being cradled between his strong, toned  arms, and the feeling only intensifies when his lips seek out yours. His lips are soft, and warm, and taste like listerine, and you couldn’t ask for anything more perfectly suited for you.    

“I love you.” He murmurs against your lips, without a trace of uncertainty. His thumb wipes the corner of your mouth, and he continues to plant a series of sweet, soft butterfly kisses over every patch of skin he can get his lips on — your cheeks, your nose, your temple.

He’s so wrapped up in his gentle ministrations that he barely hears you return the sentiment, eyes fluttering to a close as you breathe out, “I love you.”

“Please come inside,'' he whispers against your forehead, punctuating his plea with a chaste kiss.

You pretend to entertain the thought, tapping your index finger against your chin, before shaking your head with a waggish simper. Fortunately for you, it doesn’t take long for him to take the bait, and he disappears through the window. You can just barely make out the harmony of wild rustling and hushed obscenities coming from your room before Peter is returning to your makeshift bed, clad in the cheesy “The Floor is Lava!” hoodie you snagged from a street vendor during your trip to Pompeii the summer beforehand.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Y/N,” Peter’s voice is tight, shuffling his knees across the fretted ground as he crawls into your lap. It takes him all of three seconds to make himself comfortable, collapsing between your thighs, and you seize the opportunity to weave your fingers through his soft, chestnut locks. “I don’t think I can make this a recurring thing. I can already feel the scoliosis forming.”

“You’re such a drama queen,” you scoff, only to be met with a scandalized set of caramel hues. “I think you can make it through the night without any permanent damage to your spine.” With droopy eyes, your body starts to hum with the tell-tale signs of sleep, and your voice drips with drowsiness as you murmur, “And I wanna savor as many nights with you as I can.”

“I know,” he whispers back, the aftertaste of guilt intermingling with the abashment that follows your sleepy confession. ”I know. I’m right here, babe.”

And he swore, in that very moment, that nothing would change that.

[misshoneybee]

⟣ 𝑌𝑂𝑈'𝑅𝐸 𝑀𝑌 𝐴𝐶𝐻𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐸𝑆 𝐻𝐸𝐸𝐿 ⟢

— 𝑉𝐼𝐼𝐼. 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐴𝐿𝐿 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑃𝐼𝐸𝐶𝐸𝑆 𝐹𝐴𝐿𝐿

Masterpost — OFC Biography — Playlists — Chapter VII — Chapter IX

❧ Pairings | Post-Endgame!Bucky Barnes x Original Female Character, Previous Steve Rogers x Original Female Character

❧ Warnings | Mature content, explicit language, slight angst, some pining, TFATWS spoilers, smut (fingering, p in v sex, very light dom/sub dynamic, dirty talking)

❧ Wordcount | ~9.2k

❧ Disclaimer | Dividers are by firefly-graphics. If you are a minor, or do not have your age in your bio, and I catch you interacting with this, you will be blocked. If you believe you were blocked unfairly, send me an ask with your url.

You make everyone disappear and, Cut me into pieces, Gold cage, hostage to my feelings ( So It Goes… | Reputation )

April 19, 2024

Two weeks had glacially passed since she’d spoken to Bucky and the apartment beside Maggie’s had sat in complete silence since she’d returned home from Washington almost four days earlier. As soon as she’d gotten out of the town car that had brought her from the airport to Brooklyn, she’d gone to his door without bothering to drop anything off at her own place first. Sure, she felt, and probably looked, a little haggard from traveling and hadn’t slept well in almost six days, but she had to see him.

He was the only person that she’d wanted to talk to. She hadn’t spoken to Sam; there was no way that he’d known what the defense department had planned but she was certain that Bucky had to have been just as upset as she was, if not more. Rapping her knuckles against the dark brown wood, she waited for a moment for any type of response but there’d been nothing but a heavy silence behind his door.

After a few more knocks, and calling his name softly, she’d hesitated, resting a hand, flat against the barrier. Either he wasn’t home, or he didn’t want to see her; she could only hope it was the former and not the latter. Maybe she’d still been a little upset by the low blow he’d dealt but Bucky was the only person who’d understand the way she felt.

Mrs. Kirsch from down the hall had spotted Maggie fiddling with her keys and asked where ‘that sweet Barnes boy had gone’ because she hadn’t seen him in quite a few days. Making up something about a work trip that he’d needed to go on, she’d quickly found an excuse about not feeling well to avoid the old woman who tended to ramble once she got started.

‘She hadn’t seen him in a few days?’

Dragging her bags inside, Maggie had quickly locked the door behind her. She’d needed to sit on the floor and gather herself as the racing thoughts in her brain jumped to light speed. He’d left; he’d moved. In the few days that she’d been gone, he’d decided that she was far too much to deal with, or to be annoyed by, and that he’d be better off not being her neighbor so he’d moved. Hadn't he?

There was no other explanation; like almost everyone else, he’d left.

Of course, Maggie knew that she was being unreasonable; maybe he’d actually needed to go do something for his pardon or maybe he’d taken some kind of trip but surely, he hadn’t just up and left. Perhaps Carolyn had been on to something when she’d told Maggie that she had abandonment issues. Eventually, she’d pulled herself from her spot on the floor and thrown herself in to anything and everything in an attempt to not think about him or the shield or anything related to either.

She’d cleaned, and gotten ahead on paperwork, and even caught up on some television shows that she’d fallen far behind on. Maybe, sometimes, she’d pause her music to listen for any noise in the apartment next to hers or she’d run to the door and check through the peephole anytime she heard footsteps out in the hall. But she definitely didn’t knock on his door and pretend to need to borrow a cup of sugar…twice—she didn’t even know if he had any sugar. One attempt had resulted in Mrs. Kirsch overhearing her again, offering the confection, and talking to Maggie until her phone rang and the younger woman was finally able to escape after an hour of mind-numbing, one-sided conversation.

It was just before five in the morning and her phone sounded possessed. The notifications were coming faster than the alerts could chime and they refused to stop. Eventually, Maggie grumpily shoved her glasses on her face and flipped the switch of her lamp. Sifting through the blankets that occupied her bed, she finally found the ringing device and let out an annoyed groan as the bright, blue light momentarily blinded her. Poppy had sent no less than fifteen text messages about some video. In her half-asleep stupor, she scanned the messages for any type of context but only one word caught her eye: Barnes.

Suddenly, she was wide awake, and it felt as though a shot of espresso had been injected directly into her veins. Fingers fumbling over themselves, she eventually found the video and felt a weight on her chest.

‘Winter Soldier Takes Down Mafia in Madripoor!!!’ was the tacky, clickbait title and there, on her little phone screen, was the man that she hadn’t seen for two weeks. Where the hell was he? She considered herself pretty well traveled but she’d never even heard of Madripoor. Ignoring that, she pressed play and let the grainy video roll.

“Oh god.” Maggie exhaled softly, wide-eyed as she watched Bucky, somewhere in a bar, striking down men one by one as they came at him. He slammed them into one another, against columns and on the bar, tossing them more like ragdolls than people. The whirring of his arm was audible with each swing and jab, but the short video cut just as she heard the cocking of several guns.

“No—” A pit grew in her stomach. Bucky was a lot of things but bulletproof wasn’t one of them.

As much as Maggie tried to drag the little line at the bottom of her screen, it didn’t budge. That was where the video had ended. Immediately, she stumbled out of bed and dialed his number. She hadn’t called or texted or even tried to figure out where he’d gone at all in the last week, but now she had to know that he was okay, that he was still…him. Things couldn’t have gone to shit so quickly, could they? Pacing the creaky wooden floor of her bedroom, a hand rested on her forehead, and she closed her eyes as the endless dial tone continued; God, she felt sick.

A click from the other end of the line made her perk up but she faltered when it was only his voicemail. She debated on leaving one at all, but as the beep told her to begin speaking, the words just seemed to fall from her mouth, “It’s me.” Biting her lip, she rested her head against the door frame as she spoke without any idea of where she was going, “I just—I haven’t heard from you. And I know we left things…in a bad place, but I saw that video and I—”

Cutting herself off, Maggie took a deep breath before any tears could come; he had to be okay. With a sigh, she finally admitted, “I just need to know you’re okay. And I know you might still be mad at me and that’s okay because I’m still a little mad at you too but I just…I really care for you, Bucky.” It felt odd to use his nickname, like her mouth wasn’t used to forming the word, but it had come out so naturally, “Just…call me back when you get this. Please.”

Hanging up, she tossed her phone back where she’d found it and buried her face in her hands, ignoring Alpine’s yowling complaint from where he slept on the foot of her bed. Shooting him a dirty look, her phone had gone nowhere near him, she flipped on the overhead light instead of returning to her warm blankets.

Sleep wouldn’t come back to her, but she certainly hoped that he would.

April 21, 2024

John Walker was the man who’d been touted as ‘The New Captain America’ and that alone had been enough to make Maggie’s blood boil. Typically, she wasn’t a violent person but something about him made her furious, and she had a suspicion that if she ever met him, her hands would speak before she did. The idea that someone, who Steve had never even known, was carrying his shield while pretending to uphold everything that he’d stood for, was almost enough to make her fly back to the capital and raise whatever hell she could.

It should have been Sam and when he’d decided not to take on all of the baggage that came along with the mantle, it should have been no one. It certainly shouldn’t have been some awful man with wild eyes who’d used it to bludgeon someone to death, in broad daylight, as he begged for his life.

Whoever the man had been, he hadn’t deserved to die like that, regardless of affiliations.

And John Walker certainly didn’t deserve to have his name associated with Steve’s in any way. Like a train wreck that she couldn’t tear her eyes from, in the days following his announcement, she’d found out whatever she could about the man. Perhaps she’d used some professional connections to get more information that she shouldn’t necessarily have had access to, but she had to know everything. She didn’t know it was possible to hate a person more.

Seeing the familiar metal covered in blood had been enough to make her sick which was how Maggie had found herself sitting on the cold floor of her little bathroom. Pressing a cool washcloth to her bare face as she leaned against the wall, she counted each breath. How had they chosen him? Did they not do any psych evaluations? Wasn’t there some screening process or interviews? There was no way they’d allow him to keep the shield after what he’d done…was there?

After everything that had happened, she had very little trust in the government to do anything right at all, so perhaps they would.

In the background of the cellphone-filmed video that she’d seen on the news, she’d spotted Sam and Bucky amongst the crowd. They’d brought her the tiniest sliver of comfort before she’d watched in horror as the assault took place in some picturesque, city square in Eastern Europe. Before that though, she’d noticed that, at least Bucky had looked like himself; he no longer had that scary, blank look in his eye that had been present when she’d seen the video from Madripoor.

Looking at her phone resting face down on the floor beside her, she knew it would go unanswered, but decided to try again anyway for the second time that week. As her call was sent to voicemail again, she ignored how echoey the tile and glass room made her voice sound, “It’s me again.” Pausing, Maggie gave a humorless laugh, “I…don’t even really know why I called. I guess I just wanted to check in again. To make sure you were okay.”

Tracing a finger over the rough grout between the tiles, she felt her chest tighten, “I really need you to be okay, Buck. I want you to come back.” Pausing, she added, “To come home.” Home. She’d called a lot of places had been home over the years, but only few people had felt like it; in the short time they’d known one another, he’d become one of them. It felt futile when there was no answer, like she was speaking into the void instead of to someone else.

Sighing, she tilted her head back and looked at the white ceiling, “I don’t know if you’re sending me through to voicemail, I don’t think you even know how to do that, or if it’s because you’re somewhere on the other side of the world, but I just really…wish I could talk to you right now. I miss you.”

Though the words were a little stilted, she was painfully earnest. Somewhere along the way, he’d come to mean a lot more to her than she ever thought he would. As he’d helped to patch up her shredded tapestry, Bucky had somehow managed to find a little place to take up residence in her mostly occupied heart as well and she hadn’t realized it until the words had fallen from her lips.

She really, really missed him.

Swallowing the lump in her throat as she realized that she’d been silently sitting on the line for several seconds, Maggie finished quietly, “call me,” before clicking the little red button on her screen.

April 26, 2024

Watching the events uptown unfold, there was a small, selfish part of Maggie that was grateful she’d declined her invitation to be present for the vote and hadn’t attended out of obligation or her pathological people pleasing habit. She was supposed to have been there as a liaison between the GRC and the Stark Foundation; she was meant to attend but she couldn’t support them, not when their decision would hurt so many people.

The vote hadn’t even taken place and the news coverage had been nonstop for what felt like hours after the Flag Smashers had infiltrated to stop it and make an example. Sitting on her couch, curled up safely in a throw blanket with Alpine resting soundly on her lap, there was a little blossom of pride blooming in her chest as she listened to her friend censure the GRC representatives. She’d been furious when the shield had passed through Walker’s hands but seeing Sam with it just felt right.

It still stung, just a little, to know that Steve would never carry the shield again but if it was their friend who held it, she was sure that she’d feel okay someday. In the background of the shots of Sam speaking, her eyes had been drawn Bucky like a magnet as he stood among a small group of people. Some of the tension melted away; she’d know that stocky build and cocky walk anywhere. He was home. Well, he was in the city, at least, only a borough away.

Cursing as the footage cut away to some reporters in a studio, she flipped through a few more channels before giving up and dropping her head back against the couch. She assumed that he’d need to speak with some people and answer some questions before he could finally return home. Although she’d deny it if she were asked, she was eagerly awaiting his return. It had been three weeks since she’d seen him, and she’d give just about anything to hear his smart-ass quips and see his scruff-riddled face; she just wanted something tangible just to know that he was okay.

It was as if her brain didn’t understand the concept of not worrying. What if something happened to him? What if he’d gotten hurt after he’d gotten out of the news camera’s view? Or if there was another attack? Finally, Maggie forced herself to shut off the television’s sound and turn on some radio station to avoid sitting in the blaring silence that was encouraging her brain to run wild.  

Bucky had managed to grow on her like ivy climbing a stone-wall cottage; it was something that she hadn’t noticed until it had wrapped around her ribs and brought pieces of her back to life after a long, cold winter. It made sense that she was worried. As her fingers absentmindedly brushed over the purring ball of white fluff in her lap, her eyes stayed trained on the silent picture, hungry for more news that she knew likely wouldn’t come soon.

April 27, 2024

The heaviness in Bucky’s limbs was almost distracting as he dragged himself back to the familiar apartment building in Brooklyn. God, he felt old. It had been a long night. After the fight had ended, he’d ensured that Sharon got the aid she needed before leaving when she’d threatened him with a blatant, annoyed gesture to her gun to stop hovering ‘like some weirdo.’

The exhaustion had caught up to him as he ran a hand over his face, standing before his door. Reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he fished for a key that wasn’t there. Letting out a quiet groan, he dropped his forehead against the cold wood. Sometime in the chaos of the week, he’d lost his damn key. The watch on his wrist read just past midnight. Of course, he could easily break through the door and its lock, but he knew that the landlord would be hard-pressed to forgive that event…especially for a second time.

His eyes landed on the apartment just beside his own. Perhaps he needed to make amends with two people, rather than just one. After the last few months of living next to one another, he knew that Maggie seldom fell asleep earlier than two in the morning. If the moon was awake, she was too. Late into the night, he could usually hear her shuffling around like some nocturnal thing, from the other side of the wall that separated her bedroom from his.

Listening closely from the hall, the silence, aside from some faint music, behind her door gave him pause. Typically, she turned something on for Alpine when she was out, insisting that music or the Discovery Channel kept him in a ‘good mood’ and ‘stimulated his brain’ despite Bucky’s constant protests that the cat was probably, mostly deaf. In the back of his mind, the rogue thought that she could be out somewhere quietly arose.

In all the months that they’d known each other, she hadn’t even talked about anyone aside from her best friend or coworkers but for some inexplicable reason, the idea of her being out with someone else made him bristle. Then again, he knew he didn’t have a right to be upset. They hadn’t exactly left on the best of terms; the last time he’d seen her, she had kicked him out. In his defensiveness, like some cornered animal, he’d dealt her a low blow and had regretted it ever since.

After hours of ruminating and turning over every stone in his mind when he’d been in Louisiana with Sam, Bucky had finally come to a realization. He hadn’t wanted to go out with any of the women that Yori had tried to set him up with, because they weren’t her. They weren’t his pull-your-hair-out aggravating, exceedingly bossy, too smart, remarkably witty, incredibly beautiful neighbor, who he had no right having feelings for.

Those women weren’t Maggie and that had driven him nuts. As she’d asked him question after question and pushed every single button like numbers on a phone, he hadn’t meant to snap. How could he tell his best friend’s ex-girlfriend-almost-fiancé that he’d somehow developed feelings for her and that's why no one else caught his attention?

He’d seen how many pieces she’d shattered into and just how jagged every edge had been when she’d fallen apart in the wake of Steve’s departure. It was barely six months later and she was only just finding her footing. It wouldn’t have been fair to put any more weight on her, so he’d kept silent. Regardless of his intentions, or how he felt, Bucky knew that he owed her an apology.

Shooting up a quick prayer to whatever could hear him, he finally gave in and knocked on the neighboring door with the hope that Maggie was still there, still awake, and hopefully less angry with him than she’d been just a few weeks before. Aside from his need to apologize, she had the only spare key to his place, so she was his last hope.

Absence made the heart grow fonder, but he kind of hoped that there was some saying about it dimming the flames of fury too.

The rampant thoughts in Maggie’s mind were louder than the boots walking down the hallway, but not quite loud enough to drown out a firm knock on her door. She felt her heart skip a beat as she whipped her head towards the noise. Quickly picking a grumbling Alpine from her lap, Maggie sat him back on the couch and scrambled to the door, her socks sliding on the hardwood like she was in Risky Business as she eagerly looked through the peephole.

Icy blue eyes looked at the fisheye lens patiently, knowing that the ever-cautious woman never opened her door without checking first. Relief washed over Maggie and the grin on her face was almost painful as her shaking hands undid the deadbolt and turned the handle’s lock before swinging the door open where it gave a dull thud as it hit the stopper.

With his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jacket, Bucky gave her a sheepish smile, “Hey.”

Exhaling, Maggie let out a single word, “Bucky.”

In the time that he’d known her, Maggie hadn’t ever been very physically affectionate, so he was momentarily taken aback when the small woman threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for an unexpectedly tight hug while standing on her toes. Automatically, he returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around her tightly, surprised with the amount of comfort that it immediately brought him.

Despite the night, it was like he’d finally found a moment of peace—Maggie was a sanctuary of calm in the middle of a thunderous storm. Pressing his face into her hair, he inhaled the sweet almond scent that he’d come to associate with her and the comfort of her warm apartment. Like she was a drug, he could feel the blood that thrummed through his veins beginning to slow, just from her touch.

Resting her chin on his shoulder, Maggie let out a breath that she’d been holding all week. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, irrationally worried that if she opened them, he’d slip through her fingers and be gone again.

Cautiously, Bucky broke the silence as he softly apologized, “I’m sorry, Mags.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.” She swallowed the lump in her throat as she shook her head. There was no use in holding any grudges, not when he was one of the only people that she had left anymore. Though she’d tried fruitlessly to convince herself, it wasn’t easier to be alone and she couldn’t stand to lose him too, “I forgive you.”

“I…” Trailing off as his hand drifted up and down her back slowly, he was almost surprised at her willingness to let their argument go. He’d been prepared to beg for her forgiveness. “I was an ass.”

From the way he felt her body shake in his embrace, he could tell she’d let out a quiet laugh at his self-evaluation before she agreed, “You were. But I didn’t listen, and—” Shaking her head, she gave a shrug and moved on; none of it mattered anymore, “It doesn’t matter. But what does, is that you’re home.”

She could feel his body deflate with an unspoken relief as her words washed over him. Perhaps he hadn’t listened to her voicemails; if he had, certainly he would have known she wasn’t quite as upset anymore. They’d both gone too far and let their emotions get the best of them that morning, but time and distance had gradually repaired the damage that had been caused. Neither bothered to move from their embrace, the first one they’d ever shared, as they finally reconvened for the first time in three weeks.

“I looked for you there. I was worried you—”

“I was invited but I didn’t want to go.” His arms were so warm, comforting; she could fall asleep pressed against him if she let herself. Turning her face into his neck, her nose brushed just slightly against his warm skin; she felt the smallest shiver run through him. Lowering her voice, she cautiously inquired, “Are you okay? I…saw that video. The one from Madripoor.”

Sam had mentioned something about a video from that night, but he didn’t know that it had made its way across the world and straight to her. Resting his chin on top of her head, he mumbled, “I just had to…pretend.”

Bucky had barely even had time to think about everything that had taken place over the past two weeks, but he knew that, aside from Sam, Maggie was really the only person out there that he had anymore. It was possible that she was the only one who’d cared, and she had to have been terrified when she saw the news. His voice was quiet as he continued to rub her back comfortingly and he felt her melt into his chest as he affirmed, “I’m alright. I promise.”

After several more silent moments spent wrapped in his thick arms, she pulled back just enough to look at him, her brown eyes meeting the blue of his like the earth and sky. Cupping his face in her hands, like she needed to touch him to make sure that he was actually in front of her, she felt his cheeks shift.

As the corners of his lips tilted up, she was gifted with that lazy smile she’d grown to adore. It felt like the end of a summer’s day, hazy and warm and something she never wanted to see end. Her thumbs brushed across the prickly, days-old scruff as she looked at him for what felt like the first time; he really was kind of beautiful.

If anyone were to describe Marguerite Hall, ‘impulsive’ would probably be the last word they’d use; it was way down there with adjectives like ‘reckless’ or ‘inconsiderate’ or ‘irresponsible.’ She made too many lists and charts and thought through every single possible outcome that could ever occur for any event she’d ever experienced, but for the first time in her thirty-three years of life, she let herself be something that she wasn’t.  

Without another thought about repercussions or consequences or anything else that would come tomorrow, Maggie couldn’t resist as she pulled Bucky down by the face to smash her lips into his. It was different than what she’d known before; his clothes smelled like gun smoke but tucked beneath it was something dark and spicy, like tobacco and sandalwood and it tickled her nose and only made her want him more. It was so warm and all-encompassing.

The way his lips moved was unfamiliar, like choreography to a dance neither had ever learned; each swipe of his tongue or change in pressure was so certain and confident. She wanted more.

Winding her arms around his neck, she felt his hands drop to her waist and his thumbs brushed against her ribs, spanning up her sides as he held her close. After a moment, she could feel him smile against her mouth before he murmured into their stolen kiss with a palpably victorious air, “I knew you didn’t hate me…”

His grip on Maggie tightened, in every sense of the phrase, and she couldn’t snuff out the grin that grew on her lips to match his. She refused to pull away, not yet, so she only mumbled against his mouth, “Shut up.”

Bucky’s splintered sentence came out between their kisses, and she could hear the cocky teasing note in his words, “I just needed…my spare key. I didn’t know…this came with it or…I’d definitely have…forgotten it a few weeks ago.”

Both entertained and exasperated, Maggie finally forced her mouth away from Bucky’s without leaving the warmth of his arms, staring at him incredulously. Almost panting as she tried to catch her breath, her tongue darted out to wet her rosy lips that had twisted into a teasing smile, “Do you ever shut up?”

With a chuckle from deep in his chest, Bucky shook his head, pulling her back in with his hand cupping her jaw. For some indeterminate length of time, they stood in her doorway, making out shamelessly like teenagers at a prom who couldn’t wait to be alone. By some miracle, none of their neighbors had caught them and, in the back of her mind, she was grateful. If anyone stumbled upon the pair, they’d be the only topic of hot gossip in the small building for weeks to come. Finally, Maggie made herself draw back, trying to breathe again, but he kept his forehead pressed to hers, one of his hands holding the back of her head like she was something precious.

Maggie’s trembling hands unwound from his neck, trailing slowly over his broad shoulders, and down to rest flat on his chest as if she had to put the slightest amount of distance between them before she did anything else that was foolish. With her eyes shut, she could feel him hesitate before capturing her lips in another softer, sweeter kiss that was something of a chaste peck, like he couldn’t stand to not have her lips pressed to his after experiencing it for the first time.

It took some time for both of the neighbors to finally steady themselves with several more kisses stolen in the comfortable silence that they’d been wrapped in. Eventually, she opened her eyes into his and felt him steal the air from her lungs. Biting her swollen bottom lip, she tried to gather her thoughts and figure out what exactly had just happened as his thumb continued rubbing distracting circles on her hip.

A shiver ran down her body from the tender action and he couldn’t quite hide the little, prideful smirk as he felt the jolt of electricity move through her. After a moment’s silence, just as he thought she was going to close the distance between them again, Maggie wound her arm back and slugged him as hard as she could muster with an accusatory glare and fire in her eyes.

Bucky’s jaw hung open as he feigned a look of hurt which she promptly ignored, content with the knowledge that she couldn’t inflict much damage on the enhanced man no matter how strong she was. Rubbing the vibranium hand over his arm where she’d landed the solid punch, he protested, slightly confused by the very mixed signals that he was receiving, “Hey!”

“I thought you fucking died!” Maggie huffed. With her hands back on his chest, she pushed him back and, predictably, his feet stayed firmly planted on the floor in front of her which was even more annoying.

“So, you missed me?” Amused, and still reeling from her lips that had just been glued to his, Bucky couldn’t help the way that his chest puffed out, pleased that she seemed as effected as he was. Reaching down, he picked up a purring Alpine who’d been circling their feet in figure-eights for the past several minutes, seeking any and all attention.

Closing the door behind Maggie as if nothing abnormal had happened, he strolled right past her and plopped the cat on to the perch of its tree. Shrugging off his jacket, he tossed it on to the back of her ugly green couch. Turning back to look at her, Bucky tried not to look too pleased as he watched her rest a cool hand on her flushed face, trying to slow her racing heart that he could almost hear as she watched him move through the room with an ease like he lived there.

‘God, he’s infuriating.’

Crossing her arms tightly over her chest, she schooled her expression into some ineffectual attempt at nonchalance because she was most definitely…chalant. But he didn’t have to know that. Irritated with his casual indifference, Maggie shrugged with a shake of her head, “Not at all.”

But, of course, she had. And she’d said as much in her voicemail which, she finally gathered, he definitely hadn’t listened to, and she was a little grateful.

Teasingly, Bucky leaned against her kitchen counter and crossed his arms, copying her posture, “So, you kiss all of your neighbors hello like that?”

The gesture stretched the fabric of his t-shirt across his arms and torso in a delicious way, showing each defined line that separated his biceps and pectorals. Her eyes darted from his that were still sparkling annoyingly, to his arms, and down to his chest before looking back at his face. What fucking business did he have wearing shirts that tight? Did he shrink them in the dryer or buy them too small? She knew that she’d been caught but he only acknowledged it with the little smirk growing wider on his face, second by second.

“Maybe.” Maggie swallowed, her throat suddenly dry and she searched whatever faculties remained in her brain to find lies to support her bluff. It was futile. Rolling her eyes, she shot back, “Meena from upstairs is very enthusiastic. A really great kisser.” 

Bucky's eyebrows rose in a look of fake surprise, giving an interested nod before he slowly stalked back towards her. His tongue traced over his bottom lip thoughtfully and Maggie’s wide eyes followed its path unabashedly as he moved closer, step by step, “Is she?”

She didn’t notice that she’d moved backwards until she bumped into the solid slab of the wooden door; there was nowhere else to go as Bucky came to stand toe-to-toe with her. She stood as tall as she was able to, her eyes refusing to stray from his like a game of chicken; she wouldn’t lose. In the stillness, her chest moved with each deep inhale as Bucky looked down at her, his expression both maddening and unchanging.

“…Mhm,” Barely remembering what she was responding to, Maggie nodded. Her teeth sank into the plush skin of her lower lip; before it could slip away, he gently cupped her chin and brushed his thumb over the soft, cherry cushion to soothe it before dropping his hand. Her head was already spinning.

Feigning thoughtfulness, though his mind was only occupied by her, Bucky’s brows drew together in faux concern, “You don’t sound so sure, Maggie.” A low rumble of a laugh broke from deep in his chest; she could feel the hot brush of his breath on her ear, and she shivered as he hummed, “I don’t think she could give you what I can.”

She didn’t know if the hand she’d placed on his chest was to keep him at a distance or to grab his shirt and yank him in closer, but she could feel the thump of each beat from his heart that was going just as fast as hers. With one hand pressed against the door beside her head, Bucky’s other brushed past her waist as it turned the lock slowly, sealing them in her apartment together with a barely audible click. His eyes searched hers for any hesitation before carefully replacing it on her hip. As he towered over her, he watched the smooth skin of her throat move as she swallowed.

They both knew that this—whatever the fuck it was—had been brewing between them for quite some time.

"What you can?" Her words were surprisingly level despite every single alarm in her body ringing out like there was a raging fire somewhere inside. “That’s some big talk coming from you, Barnes.”

Like a mountain lion that had cornered its prey, Bucky’s lips curled into a grin, the dimples in his cheeks peeking out at her once again as he promised, “Guess I’ll just have to back it up then, won’t I?”

As Maggie opened her mouth to give another, undoubtedly, smart-ass response, the chance was taken from her in an instant when his lips once again descended upon hers. His warm hand threaded through her hair, tangling itself in the wavy locks and holding her head firmly as he ferociously kissed her like it was the last time he ever could.

If it was, he would make it count.

Suddenly, it was like she couldn’t be close enough to him, her body pressed into his as her hands scrambled to find purchase wherever they could, his shirt, his hair, a shoulder, his back. Like he could read her mind, he dropped his hands low on her waist and gave her a gentle squeeze, boosting her to jump up and allowing her to wrap her graceful legs around his hips.

Locking her ankles behind his back tightly, Maggie laced her arms around his neck to keep their bodies close. As he pressed her into the apartment door, she could feel every inch of him against her like a hot weight, the hard planes of his muscles contrasting with her softer curves.

Mind still racing as she squeezed her thighs tightly around him, feeling something hard pressing against her thigh, Maggie almost had to question if she’d fallen asleep. Maybe she’d bumped her head or had a fucking aneurysm because she was kissing Bucky. Her neighbor Bucky. Her friend Bucky. The-one-she-pretended-she-couldn’t-stand Bucky. And she was pretty certain that they were going to do much more. And she was pretty certain that she couldn’t wait any longer.

On some level of consciousness, she knew that she’d let out a soft whimper as his hips rocked against hers and his teeth accidentally grazed her bottom lip. The little sound definitely had not gone unnoticed by his enhanced hearing—especially if the gravely groan that he’d given her in response was any indication.

Taking a step back from the door, Bucky effortlessly wrapped the cool metal of his left arm around her back to keep her steady as his right drifted down from her hip so he could better hold her up.

Her entire body felt like it was vibrating with want or need or a combination of both as he held her close. She could feel the warmth of his fingers give a gentle squeeze to the pillow of her ass and she detached their lips with a breathy moan as she met his eyes. His pupils had been blown wide, the typically light blue now just a thin line surrounding blackness.

Almost certain that she looked like a bobble-head as she nodded, she couldn’t find it in herself to give a shit and demanded him to move with a single word, “bedroom,” before crashing her lips back into his.

There wasn’t a single, rational thought going through her mind aside from the feeling of his searing touch as she ran her fingers through his cropped hair. His tongue traced her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth, letting him in as he massaged her tongue with his. Their apartments had been laid out in an opposite floorplan, so he found her room with irritating ease. Careful not to bump the priceless item in his arms into the wall or door jamb, he carried her down the hall, still attached by the mouth.

A needy groan was pulled from deep in his throat as her fingers tightened in his hair at the nape of his neck and it was finally her turn to have the upper hand. The throaty noise shot straight to her core, and she was reminded of his rigid length that was still pressing against her clothed sex, pulling all of her attention between their legs; she could already feel herself growing wet. The way that her body intensely demanded to feel his upon it was distracting and she only wanted more.

Would it ever be enough?

Crossing the threshold of her bedroom, it was like suddenly every sensation and emotion was magnified. Were they really about to do this? She could feel each atom in her body shaking in a cocktail of excitement and anxiety.

Silently and suddenly self-conscious, Maggie noted the fact that her makeup from the day had long since been removed with some of the black mascara still smudged beneath her eyes. Her hair was undoubtedly in disarray from the way he’d run his fingers through it, and she was clad in her typical, comfy home wear: tight leggings with a rip down near the ankle, some thick socks, and a big shirt that swallowed her frame whole.

Shit, when was the last time she’d shaved her legs?

A seductress, she was not—but she didn’t want to stop. As she got lost in her mind for just a second, he somehow managed to pull her back down to earth with one last sweet kiss that lingered before pulling back. Somehow, when Bucky gently laid her on the unmade bed with her pillows smushed near the headboard and a blanket half on the ground, every insecurity that she’d had temporarily melted away.

He looked at her like she was Michelangelo’s Pieta, and he was going to worship at her alter.

Kneeling above Maggie with one of his legs resting between hers, he easily held himself up as his lips trailed down her neck before gently nipping at the sensitive spot beneath her ear, making her back arch. Her face burned red as the cotton that separated her soaked core from his leg grinded up against the hard muscle of his thigh needily and she let out an embarrassingly loud whine.

Grasping blindly at the back of his t-shirt with clumsy hands, Bucky understood her silent demands and chuckled as he leaned back to shed the layer. Hungrily, her eyes devoured the sight of the skin that she’d never seen before, and she sat up only to yank him back down on top her with a giggle.

Some of the tension left his body as she paid no attention to the scarring that covered his chest and shoulder, the pink, shiny skin so evident despite the low light. He felt the hand of hers that wasn’t woven into his hair, cautiously drift over the border from bare skin to the black and gold laced vibranium and he shivered. Maggie’s touch was soft, almost delicate as if she was scared that she’d hurt him, but the trail left in the wake of her touch was the most beautiful thing that he’d felt in years.

“Off,” Maggie whispered against his lips, as her head rested against a pillow.

At the single word, Bucky pulled back; his eyes worried as he hovered over her, “Do you—”

Shaking her head at the miscommunication, Maggie laughed softly as she removed her sweater herself and tossed it somewhere over the side of the bed. Bucky’s eyes were immediately drawn to the lace of her bralette that framed her pert breasts and ran down the sides of her ribs. The light, sage green shade of the crisscrossing fabric with mesh windows and little rosettes reminded him of spring, and she looked more beautiful in the color than the world outside the window.

 “I meant my sweater, dummy.” She murmured, pressing her lips against his collarbone and up the side of his neck. With a roll of her eyes, Maggie slowly dragged his hand up to the center of her chest where a tiny bow obscured the clasp on the green lace, “And this. Not you.”

Letting out a soft chuckle, relieved and just as nervously excited as her, he murmured teasingly, “Need you to be more specific then, darling.”

As the black metal of his vibranium hand moved up to aid in undoing the tiny, gold clasp and brushed against her flushed skin, she shivered at the contrasting temperature between them. His eyes stayed on hers, and his brow furrowed but Maggie shook her head just slightly, all but reading his mind in the moment. He hadn’t been with anyone since he’d gotten the vibranium limb and there was a constant fear that played like static on a tv in the back of his mind, so worried that he’d hurt her.

As the scrap of lace fell limp and she slipped it off her arms, Bucky’s starved eyes fell to the two, perfect mounds on her chest, just slightly asymmetrical with sweet, pink peaks that pebbled as the air brushed across them and begged for his mouth.

Propping himself up with his left arm, he was surprised when she laced those fingers with her own. In a quiet moment of calm, she gave him a tender smile before recapturing his lips and dragging his other hand over her skin.

“Touch me.”

“Mm, here?” Lightly brushing a hand over her bare abdomen as he traced down her torso, Bucky kissed and bit and sucked a spot low on her neck; she was almost certain he was going to leave a mark, but she didn’t care. She wanted him, all of him.

Trailing down, he mouthed at the fair skin of her breast, his tongue laving slowly against the puckered little bud. Much to her chagrin, as she shook her head at his question, distracted by his mouth, she tried to grab his wrist and move it to where she wanted. He resisted and slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of her leggings, feeling her warm skin with his palm pressed flat, low on her belly. The black, elastic fabric conformed to his hand as he trailed his touch further south, teasing curiously, “What about here?”  

Finally finding her voice, just enough to brokenly instruct him, Maggie felt her nails dig into his back as she pleaded, “Lower…”

Bucky either didn’t notice or didn’t give a shit that her nails were leaving marks in his skin as he feigned realization and finally slipped his hand completely beneath the fabric and trailed his middle finger through the obscene wetness that had collected as a result of his teasing, “Oh, you meant here.”

“Yes, fuck,” She mewled as his warm digit easily swiped over her folds, catching just slightly on the swollen nub of her clit before slipping back between her lips. Blushing red, she could feel her walls clenching around nothing and whimpered; all of the muscles in her body contracted at the zap of pleasure that spread out from the epicenter as she begged, “More…”

Detaching his lips from her soft, sweet skin, he met her eyes as he gently tugged at the stretchy black fabric. Nodding, she lifted her hips, her teeth digging into her lip as he quickly removed them and tossed them over his shoulder. Blue eyes that were obscured by his black pupil drifted down over her and he exhaled, “So beautiful.”

Chuckling as her hands immediately went to work on his belt, Bucky sat up and her mouth watered at the sight of his obscured bulge that was straining eagerly against the dark denim. As he helped undo the buckle, he ‘tsked’ playfully, “Someone’s impatient,”

“Bucky…” Maggie pouted as she grasped at the soft denim and he quickly appeased her, finding, once again, that he was unable to deny her for too long. Shoving the jeans down, he kicked them on to the floor before hovering above her.

Could someone’s favorite past time be something that they’d only experienced for the first time, just moments ago? Because if so, his lips moving against hers had taken the title for him. Directing his fingers back to where they’d left just moments ago as she spread her legs for him, he let out a low groan as he felt her wetness all but dripping onto the wrinkled sheets beneath them.

“I’ve got you, doll.” Slipping a digit between her lower lips once again, he teased back and forth before cautiously slipping his thick finger inside. As she gasped softly into his mouth, he ensured, “This okay?”

“God, yes…” At her approval, Bucky began to fuck her with it, each slow drag in and out, again and again, driving her insane. Without needing to ask, another finger joined its ministrations and a low throaty moan slipped through her lips, spurring him on as his motions quickened. Rocking her hips up as his thumb drifted ever so lightly over her clit, Maggie let out a broken, “ah—” and she could feel her wetness covering his fingers as they slipped in and out easily.

Feeling herself grow close to the edge, she grabbed his wrist abruptly, her teeth digging into her lip, “Want you inside when I…”

Chuckling, Bucky didn’t stop moving his fingers that were inside of her, even if she had his wrist stilled. Spreading her legs further apart, a dumbstruck look of surprise gracing her features, her eyes followed his down to where he continued readying her, massaging her inner walls, and turning her body to jelly with every stroke. Whimpering as he circled her swollen bud again, Maggie felt herself shiver. He nudged, teasingly, “When you what, doll?” At the speechless, doe-eyed expression on her face, he grinned, “What? When you come? When you come for me?”

“Yes,” Breath catching in her throat, any indignance lost in her breathiness, Maggie felt the muscles in her stomach clench as she gripped the sheets.

Just as he felt her walls beginning to tighten around his fingers, he slipped them from her heat and sat up. Shooting her a wink as she whined at the sudden loss of her orgasm, he sucked her essence from his fingers and groaned at the sweet, heady taste. Sitting up, propping herself on her hands, her tongue wet her flushed lips as she watched him shed his boxers.

“Do you have a—”

“On the pill.” Shaking her head, she cut him off, staring unabashedly at the thick length, hanging heavily between his legs. It was long, girthier than she’d ever taken, and she chewed her lip, anticipation lighting up each nerve ending in her body as she imagined it pounding into her. Fuck.

“Clean?” Maggie asked, already certain of the answer.

“Yeah.” Spitting into his hand, Bucky gave a few short strokes up and down his shaft before her smaller hand wrapped around his base, jealous of him for touching it when she hadn’t yet had the chance. Tilting his head back, he let out a low groan as she pumped him slowly.

Laying back against the pillows, pulling him down with her, Maggie’s teeth nipped against his earlobe before murmuring quietly, “Then fuck me like you mean it, Barnes.”

Mouth dry at her order, he nodded dumbly, and she giggled as he agreed, “Whatever you want.” Feet planted on the mattress, she almost blushed at how wide open she was for him. Holding himself up with one arm, Bucky watched as he used his swollen head to spread the wetness around her messy little cunt and slowly sank inside her tight hole with one slow push, groaning, “Fuck…”

“Oh…” Moaning, tilting her hips and letting him fill her completely, Maggie let out a shuddering breath at the unfamiliar stretch as the trimmed hair at the base of his cock brushed against her clit. Cautiously, she rolled her hips up into his; as he let out a low groan, she pressed her face into his neck and hiked one of her legs up around his hips, letting him sink in deeper, and nodded, her words muffled against his skin as she begged breathily, “Move, please.”

“Mm, look at you, being so polite.” Carefully dragging out, Bucky choked on a chuckle as her walls squeezed around him, begging his cock to stay inside, before thrusting back into the tight warmth, burying himself inside her all over again. He set a slow, leisurely rhythm as he mouthed at the creamy skin of her neck.

Through her fragmented moans, Maggie bit back, “I’m—oh fuck, not gonna say thank you.”

“We’ll see about that.” Grinning, he picked up his pace and began to pound into her; the sound of their skin, smacking over and over and the obscene squelch from her wetness that coated his cock, made her blush. Rocking into her, he grunted lowly, “Jesus, baby, you’re so fuckin’ wet…”

Angling his hips just right, the thick head of his cock nudged the spongey spot deep inside of her and she keened, the muscles in her body clenching, “Right there—oh!” Feeling the wire inside of her stretching taut, she whimpered out, “Fuck, I’m…”

“You gonna come for me, darlin’?” Using a finger, he circled her clit slowly, the glacial motion juxtaposing the furious snap of his hips into hers. Through a hot, lazy kiss, he goaded, “Show me how good you can be when you listen.”

Panting, Maggie rolled her eyes though her words held no heat, “Fuck you,”

“I am.” Bucky’s thick words were just a low growl against her ear as he stopped moving deep inside of her and taunted despite her desperate, moaning whine, “Do you need me to fuck that sweet little pussy even harder so you can remember?”

As he grinded his hips against hers, the hand that kneaded her breast pinched its dusky peak punishingly and he grinned like the devil. Maggie clenched tightly around him at the change in action as she begged breathily, “Bucky—oh…”

“That’s it,” He praised her, watching every slight change in her blissful expression. As Maggie squirmed needily beneath him, Bucky resumed his brutal pace and rested his forehead against hers as he felt his balls begin to tighten. There was almost a tint of desperation coloring his words as he muttered, “Yeah, come on my cock and I’ll come with you, sweet girl, fuck—lemme feel you squeeze that tight little pussy ‘round me, mm, let me feel you, that’s it, honey…”

The tension inside of Maggie snapped, dragging him over the edge with her as her walls spasmed, contracting around him and sending a shockwave of white-hot pleasure through her veins as she cried out. Thrusts growing sloppy, his hips were flush against hers as he spilled into her, the tight, steady pulse of her cunt squeezing him and milking every last drop as he shuddered in completion.

His face was tucked into her neck, her mouth open as she tried to catch her breath, her body still electrified and twitching with the little aftershocks that ran through her. Slowly, she unwrapped her legs from where they’d been hitched up around his hips. Moving so his body wasn’t laying on top of her tiny frame, Bucky collapsed beside her before gathering her in his arms, pulling her back towards him.

She could feel his cum leaking down her thigh as he slipped out and she shivered. Still flooded with the endorphins that accompanied her orgasm, Maggie contentedly rested her head against the bare skin of his chest in a few moments of sated silence. Tracing her finger between his scars like an endless maze, she chanced a glance up at him. Spotting his furrowed brow as he watched her, she let out a soft giggle that sounded like music to his ears.

“Don’t think too hard, Barnes.” Whether she was saying that for him or herself, she was unsure. She didn’t want to think so hard; for the first time in a long time, she felt good but maybe that was the orgasmic glow talking. Reaching up, Maggie brushed her finger down the line that had formed between his eyebrows from years of intense thinking and down his nose’s bridge. The tip of her finger landed on that of his nose, and she teased, “You’re too old for that. You might hurt yourself.”

At her teasing words and impish, little grin, he let out a playful grumble as he rolled her onto her back beneath him, caging her in with both of his arms. With her kiss bitten lips and a blush that spread from her cheeks and down her bare chest, she looked like an angel or a siren from his dreams—something that had called for him and he’d had no choice but to answer.

Cockily, Maggie’s expression faded into something of an innocent, little smirk as she pushed playfully, “What? Are you gonna punish me?”

With a nip to her exposed neck, he whispered against her skin, “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

[sunset-curve-fantom]

What If- Alive!Luke x Reader

You had spent countless hours attempting to find out the perfectly logical reasoning as to why Luke had blown you off today… But there you were at a two-hour meeting with the wedding planner with no real excuse as to why you were alone yet again.

This was a moment you had been looking forward since you met Luke Patterson. He was a light that was brought into your life right after you lost your Dad, and he was the rock to help you grieve. But no sooner did you become friends, did the two of you fall head over heels for each other. From 17-year-olds to now, everything you did was to further your careers. After all Sunset Curve was your brilliant idea after meeting Alex and Reggie at school.

You wanted nothing more than to live your life out with Luke, he was the one person that meant the world to you. No matter what happened, your love was always a constant.

Flash forward to this moment, where the anger was finally taking over you. How dare he stand you up, again. He was so caught up in the band and the new music, that he forgets that you are also a member. Not like you can play without the rhythm guitarist- but in Luke’s mind he could do anything he wanted.

More than anything you just wished you had the time to be yourselves again, full of happiness and love without the pressure from the band, and record labels, and fans. Just two seconds to focus on you, and this wedding you both desperately wanted- well at least you desperately wanted.

You marched right into rehearsal- they had already started your new song and you weren’t even there! Seriously?

Reggie caught you gaze as you came into the room, the anger clearly emanating off you. He stopped playing, before catching Alex’s attention. They were trying to stay out of the middle of a fight, but lord knows that was not going to happen. Especially now- you were there, and you were angry.

“Hey lover, where ya been?” Luke said as you approached him, he went in for a kiss. You held your hand up in front of your face. Reggie sucked in a deep breath behind you- he knew Luke was in trouble now. You never avoided a kiss, no matter how angry.

“Where have I been? You are kidding me, right? I know that did not just come out of your mouth.” You said, anger gripping your words as you tried to hold back the screaming. You felt hot tears beginning to pool in your eyes. This cannot be happening; he doesn’t even remember.

“Uh-no. I seriously have no idea where you have been all day. We had to start rehearsal without you, you know we have this big showcase coming up. I need you on your game, lovebug.” He said ruffling your hair, trying to get back into rehearsal. But that was the final straw, you couldn’t contain the pain in your chest as anger erupted in your words.

 “Are you actually kidding me? You want to complain to me about being late, and missing things? Luke, you want this huge future for us, for you and me, when I am barely a part of your life now. I have become a shadow in your world, and that is unacceptable. You have music is coursing through your veins and that is truly remarkable but now- now I am a background player again. I am the rhythm guitarist that you sometimes pay attention to, but that’s usually when I fuck up. When we started this together, the band- our future was supposed to include each other and now I am just a face in the crowd. The sad part is you don’t even notice how alone I am.” You screamed at Luke.

He yet again forgot another meeting and he didn’t even know it. If it wasn’t band related, then it wasn’t important, per usual. So yup, he forgot the meeting with the wedding planner and here you were screaming at him, in the middle of rehearsal. You were nothing- and that was clear after today.

“You are being ridiculous, I forgot one meeting, one stupid meeting. It is not the end of the world- you are blowing this completely out of proportion, Y/N. I don’t know why you are acting like a brat.” Luke said back, anger hanging on to every word. Tears sprung to your eyes; you were not being ridiculous. This was your wedding for fucks sake. This was supposed to be your big day and now- god now you don’t even know him.

“I am ridiculous? Luke, are you fucking blind? Clearly you missed the memo again because the meeting was for our wedding, you know the day where I wear a big white dress and commit my life to you? Do you have dementia or something? Cause apparently you forgot about even proposing to me, because YOU HAVE MISSED EVERY MEETING WE HAVE HAD. I am not being a brat, I am upset, and angry, and heartbroken because I thought I was going to spend my life with you but now- now that is over. I am done trying to be perfect for you, and for this band, and for the whole fucking world. I am done. I-I-I just can’t anymore. You now have the perfect what if situation, because what if I never met you, I wouldn’t be so fucked up.” You raised your voice, clearly angry at him. You yanked your ring off your finger placing it on his amp and turning on your heel. This just was not working- not anymore, if he made some effort then maybe- but now, you had no idea what you saw in him all those years ago.

You heard heavy steps behind you, so you ran. Trying to reach the comfort of your car, not wanting to have another fight. You had just dumped Luke, and you didn’t even mean too. Everything you said- you never meant. You were just so mad, you heard Luke’s voice behind you, “WAIT”

You closed your car door behind you, briskly pulling out of the driveway. You could see Luke in your rearview mirror- Reggie was comforting him. You knew he was heartbroken- but you couldn’t be a background pawn any longer. You were supposed to be his future wife, and he treated you like dirt.

You drove around for what felt like hours before going to the one place you knew Luke wouldn’t be- Alex’s apartment.

Wiping your cheeks, you knocked softly on the door. Waiting for Alex to pop his head out, but instead it was Reggie who opened the door,

“Hey Reg- can I come in? I’m just not ready to go home”

He nodded, stepping to the side. He knew how much you were hurting; Reg was your best friend and you confided everything in him. He knew that Luke had blown off multiple meetings and he knew how confused you were, he was so happy about the wedding in the beginning and now- he could give two shits about it, clearly.

You plopped down on the couch; Reggie followed close behind. He knew you just needed a listening ear.

“Reg… I-I-I” You couldn’t even find the words before sobs began pouring out of you. You thought you and Luke were going to be endgame and now- that probably wasn’t going to happen. You had ruined everything with your mouth getting in the way.

“I am only going to say this once- you have not lost him. You are his entire world, no matter how much he has fucked up” Reggie said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He knew Luke better than anyone and what he was saying was the truth, Luke would go down fighting for you.

You giggled under your breath, “Yeah I know Reg, you don’t speak girl. But thanks for trying. I just messed up today, I let my anger get the better of me but at the same time Luke shouldn’t have stood me up, AGAIN. I mean you know how it has been, it’s awful. Like I am pretty sure the wedding planner thinks I am marrying myself. How am I supposed to plan a wedding when he is too busy for even a simple meeting? Like he would probably miss our wedding day all together because he is so damn busy…” You said, trying to bring humor to the situation. Luke was your person and now, now you needed to fix everything.

You looked at Reggie who hadn’t spoken to you, but you followed his gaze to the kitchen. There was Luke, with his head deep as anything in the fridge eavesdropping on your conversation. He was seriously a five-year-old.

“Seriously Luke? Do you have to listen into everything? I am not exactly happy with you!” You said annoyed.

He chuckled at you, “I know you aren’t happy with me. But I wanted to give you space, I didn’t think you would come here… I thought you would go home. I didn’t think you would actually want to see me. ”

You shook your head, “I didn’t want to intrude, that is why I came here instead. I didn’t want another fight, cause I am tired of it. I am tired of feeling less. ”

He walked towards where you were sat, “Honey- there would be no fighting. I am going to make this simple. I love you- and I wish I had known how much of an idiot I have been. I love you more than anything in this world, including my music. You are the inspiration behind everything I do, and I am so so so so sorry I forgot the meetings. I have been trying so hard to plan things in advance so we could have an incredible wedding. Oh baby, I am so so sorry for making you feel less. You are my whole world, hell my whole solar system and I wish I had noticed how sad you have been. I want nothing more to be your husband, if you will still have me...?”

Tears ran down your face, “You really wanted to marry me?”

He laughed, wiping tears off your face with his thumb, “of course, you dork. I wouldn’t have asked in the first place if I didn’t.”

You threw yourself off the couch and into his grip, it was the first time in a long time you felt safe and at home. You tightened your grip around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He just chuckled in your ear before pressing his lips to yours, it was like you were made for each other. Every kiss felt like it was molded perfectly for the two of you.

You truly were a match made in heaven.

“That’s like super gross…. Can you go home and have sex? I really don’t need that image in my living room, especially on my new carpet.” Alex said, causing laughter to escape from the both of you.

“Too late for that bud... that carpet is way broken in. ” Luke said before throwing you over his shoulder. Trying to run away form the horrified look rested on Alex’s face.

You were barely out the door when you heard Alex screaming orders at Reg, “OH MY GOD, REGINALD GET THE STEAM CLEANER. I-UH-UH I NEED TO CLEAN. THIS IS DISGUSTING. I LAY ON THIS CARPET. UGHHHH”

You were home, and that was the most important thing to you. You knew some way, some how Luke was your endgame and that was not going to change.

@parkeret​ @coldlamaspersonspy​ @calamitykaty​ @all-in-fangirl​

[amazingmaeve]

atelophobia

atelophobia is the fear of imperfection. the fear of never being good enough

request - hello !! i've been wanting to see more sam wilson fics so do you mind if i request a soulmate au one and y/n and sam are frenemies of somesort? 🥺

summary:

y/n and sam haven’t been the best of friends. he always annoyed her and she annoyed him. he hates how snippy she is, she hates how sarcastic he is. however some jokes of his make her crack a rare smile and sometimes he catches that. two people made for each other.

warnings - angst, fluff

word count - 3.2k

a/n - its an au so no endgame/infinity war stuff happened. also no thanos. it’s my first time writing for marvel so go easy on me! also a happy late birthday to sam as well!

marvel masterlist // sam wilson masterlist

“Why did you assign me with Wilson,” Y/N seethed out questioning the man in front of her. Her arms are crossed on her chest with anger burning in her eyes.

The man before her, Steve Rogers, raises an eyebrow at her sudden outburst. Sure the meeting was already done but he didn’t expect her to be this angry about it. Steve thought that Y/N and Sam were getting along better now and this could help them get along even better. But apparently he was wrong.

“I thought you two were okay,” Steve asked, confused in his voice as she rolled her eyes.

She didn’t hate Sam. No one could really hate Sam. But sometimes he got on her nerves and she has a short temper and the conversation usually ends up in an argument with both of them stomping away. Y/N was always serious about the work so no one would get hurt.

So it irked her when Sam would be casually joking while on a rescue mission or a mission in general. While Sam hated how Y/N would never have any fun, yes Sam did take his work very seriously but he wanted to make the time more bearable for everyone.

So when Y/N snaps at him whenever he makes a joke or just laughs in general he gets kinda pissed off about it. She’s just so unbearable sometimes that it increased his anger even more.

For the past few months everything was fine between them. Of course not finding her soulmate was bad. She hated feeling alone while couples scattered across the Avengers tower. Y/N would roll her eyes everytime Wanda asked if she ever wanted a soulmate and she would respond no. She thought that all the time ‘I don’t need anybody’ but deep down she wanted to have someone to love her and to love someone.

At least there were some Avengers who haven’t found the one.

Sam this last month has been growing on Y/N. He’s been more nice and actually funny in her eyes. He would crack jokes at the right time which would make her let a little laugh out much to Sam’s confusion. It was common that Y/N didn’t smile often. But then everything changed.

One mission which was a rescue mission ended up real bad. It was a mission that only her and Sam attended since everyone thought it would be easy. But Y/N turned the corner and had a fist to the face, she attempted to grab the gun she dropped but the guy shot her in her stomach making her lay down on the floor, holding the wound. Blood was seeping out of it fast and she could feel her vision get real blurry.

Y/N thought she would die there on the floor and she was fine with it as long as Sam got the hostages home safe and him safe as well.

But when she felt herself almost get lulled into unconsciousness a figure appeared before her and soon she realized it was Sam. He looked down both halls to make sure no one was coming before kneeling down before her worriedness in his eyes.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Sam reassured, putting pressure on the wound. His words sounded like he was talking far away. Tears quickly blurred her vision as soon she realized he wasn’t going to get the hostages.

“You-you have to…..” Y/N began to say but flinched when Sam put even more pressure on the oozing wound.

“Don’t talk you can’t waste your energy,” Sam interrupted her and then picked her up bridal style and began to walk her out of the building. Y/N flinched and looked back to see if she saw the hostages anywhere but her vision was getting blurred again.

“The-the hostages,” Y/N stuttered though pain and biting into her lip from screaming out in pain.

“There fine I got everyone in there handled,” Sam reassured as they reached out doors and then lifted himself up and flew across the sky towards the Quinjet that got them there. Y/N closed her eyes and hid her face in his neck as her arms wrapped around his neck. Her heart was pounding as pain pulsed through her body. God she hoped the people were safe.

Then out of nowhere Y/N and Sam heard an explosion and Sam turned around to see the building that was just standing there was up in flames and smoke. Before Y/N could do anything she passed out in his arms as the pain began to get too much for her.

When Y/N woke up Steve was there with Natasha and he explained to her that the hostages unfortunately passed because there was the explosion.

Y/N felt tears fill her eyes as she sat up on the hospital bed. Steve and Natasha left to give her some space as she wondered where Sam could’ve gone. If she would’ve been more aware of her surroundings she wouldn’t have gotten shot and they would've got everyone out safe and fine. She failed them. And she failed her whole team.

Of course she was angry with Sam after this, he should’ve left her there so more people could’ve lived. But she was more angry at herself. She couldn’t face Sam or anyone for a few days. Y/N was awkward around Sam and had anger radiating off her while she talked to anyone. So people avoided her.

That’s why she didn’t want to be paired with Sam. She didn’t want to have history repeat itself.

“I’m sorry Y/L/N but you’re going to have to face him someday,” Steve apologized. He saw how affected she was about this and maybe Sam could help her get over it since he was there with her when it happened.

“Fine,” Y/N scoffed, bumping into his shoulder as she walked off to her room to get ready for this mission.

Her heart was beating as she started to get more and more nervous about this whole thing. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of her. She didn’t want anyone to die. So she wouldn’t be having Sam’s jokes or his snide remarks this day, she needs to be on point.

Y/N got all of her weapons ready before walking out of her room and finally reaching the Quinjet where Sam was sitting down cleaning his guns out. Once he heard her enter the room a smirk graced his lips.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Sam laughs, turning around to look at her but only finding her face clenching in anger. His brow furrowed in confusion not knowing what was going on with her.

“Let’s get this over with,” Y/N grumbled, taking a seat and getting all of her weapons in place. Sam snickered at her attitude with confusion all over his face.

Of course he knew that Y/N was upset but Sam thought she was over it by now, but he hasn’t seen her this past few weeks but he heard from Bucky that she was in a horrible mood. Sam sighed before going to sit next her which made her huff out of annoyance.

“Okay what’s your problem,” Sam snapped, turning to face Y/N who had shock written all over her face.

“Nothing,” Y/N lied straight through her teeth, not meeting Sam’s gaze which was burning a hole into the side of her head. She didn’t want to tell him that the reason she’s all broody is because of her own failure.

“I know you’re lying so just tell me the truth so we can at least tolerate each other,” Sam says frustration running through his veins as he rubs his forehead.

When Y/N didn’t respond Sam scoffed.

“Fine let’s just get through this and I’ll talk to Steve about us never going on a mission again,” Sam retorted then standing up and sitting on the other side of the Quinjet.

Y/N looked at him in shock, even though she showed signs that she didn’t like working with him, he was really fun. Now because of her own insecurities and failures she’s going to lose an incredible friend or enemy depends on how you see it. Of course Y/N knew it wasn’t his fault, it was her own. Y/N had to prove that she isn’t this failure that Sam or Steve sees in her.

She saw it in Steve's eyes when she was in the hospital and she believes that she just saw it in Sam’s eyes just now. Deep down she knows she’s a failure and it cuts to her deep to the core to even think about admitting it. The mission she failed just proves it to herself and everyone else even more. God she can’t even do her own job right.

Ever since Y/N was young she was all about being perfect. The perfect grades, the attitude, and eventually to try to be the perfect fighter. Imperfection haunted her as the people in her life, she believed were better than her and sometimes didn’t even like her. Steve usually didn’t talk to her unless it’s work, same with Natasha. Bucky never talks to her, Tony’s too busy in the lab, same as Bruce. Wanda was very sympathetic towards her though since she’s looked through Y/N’s mind. Wanda and Y/N are friends and Wanda is her only friend. Vision was more of an acquaintance.

Sam was different though. She felt the need to prove herself to him. Y/N didn’t know why she felt this since she never felt this towards anyone on the team so why should it matter what he thinks. Sam was an enigma to her, he was an amazing fighter and had this charming personality that made her want to smile but she was too stubborn to do so.

This fear of imperfection ruins things in her life sometimes.

The mission was a success and Y/N gave it her all as she got everyone out okay and the bad guys were all on the way to prison. But it filled that whole in her heart, it didn’t prove anything to her or to anyone.

So whenever she feels frustrated she goes to the gym and let’s all of her frustration on the boxing bag. Y/N is usually here often. She likes to stay fit and it acts as some sort of therapy to her. While she was too busy punching the bag someone entered the room and she didn’t even hear it.

“Damn what did that punching bag ever do to you,” Sam’s voice rang through her ears and she dropped her arms to her side and let out a long sigh before turning to face him. He was in his usual work out gear with a smirk spreading across his lips.

“It broke my heart and dumped a year ago,” Y/N responded, a sarcastic tone in her face as her arms crossed around her chest. Sam let out a laugh at her monotone voice and clearly didn’t seem amused.

“That is the first time I’ve ever heard a joke,” Sam chuckled.

“What are you talking about? I'm a very amusing person,” Y/N let out a tiny smile on her lips.

“Who told you that lie,” Sams’ eyes narrow in confusion.

“Piss off Wilson,” Y/N grumbled wondering why she was joking around with the man. But that conversation caused some butterflies in her stomach. She turned around and bent over to grab her stuff.

When she turned around it showed the soul mark that has been there ever since she turned 18. To Sam’s dismay and his eyes widened in shock as the soul mark matched the same to his on his shoulder. Before he could even mutter a word Y/N left the gym giving him a sarcastic smile.

Sam just stood there in shock. His soulmate has been there all along and he didn’t even notice it. He didn’t know how to feel about it, of course he found Y/N attractive and her attitude was sometimes tolerable. But she made it very clear she was all work and no play. Deep down he knew he felt something for her even before he found out about the soul mate crap.

“Sam you okay,” Steve waved a hand in front of his face trying to get his attention. Sam blinked, rubbing his eyes and nodded at Steve's question.

“Pair me with Y/N for the next mission please,” Sam bluntly asked and shock was written all over the captain's face.

“But you told me last night-,” Steve began to say as he looked at him confused.

“Just please do it and don’t tell her she’ll just get all pissy about it,” Sam asked with a pleading look on his face. Sam narrowed his eyes but nodded anyway.

“Your secrets are safe with me,” Steve promised.

Over the next few days Sam has been trying to talk to Y/N but she always seemed to be in her room and it was clear she didn’t want anyone in there. He needed to talk to her about this, he’s been looking for his soulmate for years and he has to do something about it. Sam’s sure that she has no idea about it since she probably would be more awkward around her.

For her next mission Y/N wasn’t sure who her team mate for this one would be. She was hooping it would be Wanda since she was more comfortable around her than anyone else. Though she wanted to resolve this situation with Sam but was too stubborn to do it.

As she walked to the Quinjet she felt her heart drop as she thought she knew that Sam was going to be there. Even though it was tough to admit she liked Sam’s jokes and his whole persona. He wasn’t even that annoying to her but she has built up so much walls to protect her heart from anyone so she wouldn’t get hurt.

“I thought you didn’t want to work with me anymore,” Y/N stated as she entered the Quinjet and saw Sam sitting there with his leg jittering. He jumped not knowing that she entered the room and relaxed when he saw it was her.

Y/N didn’t blame Sam that he didn’t want to work with her.

“I need to talk to you before we go to this mission okay,” Sam firmly stated, making her eyes furrow as she had no idea what he wanted to talk to her about.

“Okay,” Y/N stated she tried to shake the shock off of her body. She sat next to him since he needed to talk about something. “What do you need to talk about,” She asked fiddling with her thumbs.

“About your soul mark,” Sam softly said resting one of his hands on top of hers making sparks flow through her whole body. It felt weird and she didn’t know. She didn't even know why he wanted to know about her soul mark.

“What about it,” Y/N asked curious as the pad of his thumb rubbed comforting circles on the top of her hand.

“I have the same one,” Sam whispers looking directly in her eyes and at first Y/N thinks this is one of his jokes so she let’s a little giggle out at it. But when he wasn’t laughing with her she looked at him with an un comprehensive look on her face.

“What,” Y/N says as she tries to remove her hand from his but he caught and gave it a squeeze. With a sigh he released her hand and lifted up his shirt to show his shoulder that the soul mark was placed. He bent over the seat he was in a bit to let her get a good look at it.

She was shocked as she stared at his back. Her soulmate was Sam Wilson and man she thought she despised and despised her. Her fingers trailed across the skin and kept staring at the mark. It was identical to hers. Goosebumps fluttered across Sam’s skin as she caressed his skin.

“How,” Y/N whispered as she removed her hand and he sat up straight pulling his shirt down.

“Well everyone’s got a soul mark when they’re born-,” Sam smirked as he started to respond to her question.

“Not like that,” Y/N smacked his arm.

“You’ve been working out haven’t you,” Sam grabbed his shoulder faking a wince. “Okay okay I’ll be more serious,” He put his hands up in defense. “I just can’t believe that my soulmate has been here all this time,” He says in disbelief.

“You don’t want me,” Y/N blurted out as she stood up and walked to the middle of the room as Sam stayed sitting down for the moment. His shoulders slumped as his face was contorted into disbelief.

“And how do you know what I want,” Sam fired back, crossing his arms.

“I just do and you won’t want somebody like me,” Y/N snapped, used her hand and pointed to herself and rested her hand on her heart which was racing.

“Why are you so closed off,” Sam fumed, standing up walking in front of her, his stance matching hers. “Why won’t you let anyone in,” He snapped, glaring at her. He hated the way he was talking to his soulmate but he needed some reasons.

“Because I’m a failure,” Y/N shouted as tears brimmed her eyes. “I couldn’t help those hostages. I don’t even know why I’m an Avenger, I suck so bad,” She ran her hands through her hand and tugged on the roots.

Sam stood there flabbergasted as Y/N turned around and cupped her mouth to keep the sobs in. She knew this was gonna happen, this has been building in her for a long time and it was about time that the volcano exploded.

“You’re not a failure,” Sam says still in disbelief that she would think this about herself. He walked so that he was standing in front of her and cupped her cheeks in his hands. He wiped the tears that fell from her eyes. But she had them closed not wanting to give into him. “You’re one of the most badass women that I know. And even though you can have a snippy attitude I know that you want to help people,” Sam softly says pressing his lips to her forehead making her shiver from the electricity.

“How can you think that I’ve been horrible to you,” Y/N says her voice hoarse from crying.

“I also know how dedicated to work you are and that I can disturb that sometimes,” Sam smiles, removing his hands from her cheeks.

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Y/N nervously chuckles looking up at him as she feels heat crawl all over her body.

“How bout this you make it up to me by buying me a coffee,” Sam bargains a smile plastered on his face.

“Are you asking me out,” Y/N asks, feeling a bit of giddy in her.

“Depends on the answer,” Sam shrugs. She gives him a smile before leaning up and pressing her lips to his and putting her hand on his neck. His hands go to her hips as they stand there and kiss.

The Quinjet flying off breaks the two apart with smiles on their faces. The tears that were once there have been dried away and her heart was feeling better.

“I’m guessing that was a yes.”