#A Sufi is one who breathes well

[eyeoftheheart]

A Sufi master once said: “A Sufi is one who breathes well.” (Pir Zia Inayat Khan) Breath is a bridge to the divine and a path to enlightenment. The art of breathing is also linked to healing.

“When we breathe deeply and consciously, we enter into a state of unity with the divine. This connection opens our hearts to the beauty of creation, reminding us that we are not separate but part of a greater whole, woven together by the breath of life.”

~ Dr. Neil Douglas-Klotz, "The Healing Breath: A Sufi Approach to Integrating Body and Spirit" (2000)

(Photo: Into the Light. Autumnal drive through golden light. Germany | Kilian Schoenberger Photography)

[tawakkull]

SPIRITUALITY IN ISLAM: PART 12: HUZN (SADNESS OR SORROW)

Sufis use the word huzn (sadness) as the opposite of rejoicing and joy, and to express the pain one suffers while fulfilling his or her duties and realizing his or her ideals. Every perfected believer will continue to suffer this pain according to the degree of belief, and weave the tissue of life with the “threads” of sadness on the “loom” of time. In short, one will feel sadness until the spirit of the Muhammadan Truth is breathed in all corners of the world, the sighing of Muslims and other oppressed peoples ceases, and the Divine rules are practiced in the daily lives of people.

This sadness will continue until the journey through the intermediate world of the grave is completed, safe and sound, and the believer flies to the abode of eternal happiness and blessing without being detained by the Supreme Tribunal in the Hereafter. A believer’s sorrows will never stop until the meaning of:

Praise be to God, Who has put grief away from us. Surely our Lord is All-Forgiving, Bountiful (35:34) becomes manifest.

Sorrow or sadness arises from an individual’s perception of what it means to be human, and grows in proportion to the degree of insight and discernment possessed by one who is conscious of his or her humanity. It is a necessary, significant dynamic that causes a believer to turn constantly to the Almighty and, perceiving the realities that cause sadness, seek refuge in Him and appeal to Him for help whenever he or she is helpless.

A believer aspires to very precious and valuable things, such as God’s pleasure and eternal happiness, and therefore seeks to do a “very profitable business” with limited means in a short span of time (his or her life). The sorrows a believer experiences due to illness and pain, as well as various afflictions and misfortunes, resemble an effective medicine that wipes away one’s sins and enables the eternalization of what is temporary, as well as the expansion of one’s “droplike” merit into an ocean. It can be said that a believer whose life has been spent in continuous sadness resembles, to a certain degree, the Prophets, for they also spent their lives in this state.

Sadness protects a believer’s heart and feelings from rust and decay, and compels him or her to concentrate on the inner world and how to make progress along the way.

It helps the traveler on the path of perfection to attain the rank of a pure spiritual life that another traveler cannot attain through several forty-day periods of penitence and austerity. The Almighty considers hearts, not outward appearances or forms.

Among hearts, He considers the sad and broken ones and honors their owners with His presence, as stated in a narration: I am near those with broken hearts.

Sufyan ibn Uyayna says: God sometimes has mercy on a whole nation because of the weeping of a sad, broken-hearted one.

This is so because sorrow arises in a sincere heart, and among the acts making one near to God, sadness or sorrow is the least vulnerable to being clouded by ostentation or one’s desire to be praised. Part of every bounty and blessing of God is assigned to those who need it to purify that bounty or blessing of certain impurities. That part is called zakat, which literally means “to cleanse” or “to increase,” for it cleanses one’s property of those impurities that entered it while it was being earned or used, and causes it to increase as a blessing of God. Sadness or sorrow fulfills a similar role, for it is like the part in one’s mind or conscience that purifies and then maintains their purity and cleanliness.

It is narrated in the Torah that when God loves His servant, He fills his or her heart with the feeling of weeping; if He dislikes and gets angry with another, He fills his or her heart with a desire for amusement and play.

Bishr al-Khafi says: Sadness or sorrow is like a ruler. When it settles in a place, it does not allow others to reside there.

A country with no ruler is in a state of confusion and disorder; a heart feeling no sorrow is ruined.

Was the one with the most sound and prosperous heart, upon him be peace and blessings, not always sad-looking and deep in thought? Prophet Jacob, upon him be peace, “climbed and went beyond the mountains” between him and his beloved son, Prophet Joseph, upon him be peace, on the wings of sorrow and witnessed the realization of a pleasing dream. The sighs of a sorrowful heart are regarded as having the same value and merit as the habitual recitations and remembrance of those who regularly and frequently worship God, and the devotion and piety of ascetics who abstain from sin.

The truthful and confirmed one, upon him be peace and blessings, says that grief arising from worldly misfortune causes sins to be forgiven. Based on this statement, one can see how valuable and meritorious are the sorrows arising from one’s sins, from the fear and love of God, and pertaining to the Hereafter. Some feel sorrow because they do not perform their duties of worship as perfectly as they should. They are ordinary believers. Others, who are among the distinguished, are sad because they are drawn toward that which is other than God. Still others feel sad because, while they feel themselves to be always in God’s presence and never forget Him, they also are [spending time] among people in order to guide them to the Truth. They tremble with fear that they may upset the balance between always being with God and being in the company of people. These are the purified ones who are responsible for guiding the people.

The first Prophet, Adam, upon him be peace, was the father of humanity and Prophets, and also the father of sorrow. He began his worldly life with sorrow: the fall from Paradise, Paradise lost, separation from God, and, thereafter, the heavy responsibility of Prophethood. He sighed with sorrow throughout his life. Prophet Noah, upon him be peace, found himself enveloped by sorrow when he became a Prophet. The waves of sorrow coming from the absolute unbelief of his people and their impending chastisement by God appeared in his chest as the waves of oceans. A day came, and those waves caused oceans to swell so high that they covered mountains and caused the earth to sink in grief. Prophet Noah became the Prophet of the Flood.

Prophet Abraham, upon him be peace, was as though programmed according to sorrow: sorrow arising from his struggle with Nimrod, being thrown into fire and living always surrounded by “fires,” leaving his wife and son in a desolate valley, being ordered to sacrifice his son, and many other sacred sorrows pertaining to the inner dimensions of reality and meanings of events.

All of the other Prophets, such as Moses, David, Solomon, Zachariah, John the Baptist, and Jesus, upon them be peace, experienced life as a series or assemblage of sorrows, and lived it enveloped with sorrow. The Greatest of the Prophets and his followers tasted the greatest sorrows.

[dandelionh3art]

Sufism is a mystical branch of Islam focused on seeking a direct, personal experience of God. Often called "Islamic mysticism," Sufism emphasizes the inward search for God and aims to cultivate a deep spiritual connection through practices of devotion, contemplation, and self-purification. Sufis believe that this journey leads to unity with the divine and the shedding of one's ego, allowing them to experience an intimate closeness to God.

Origins and History of Sufism

The origins of Sufism date back to the earliest years of Islam in the 7th century. Early Muslims, inspired by the simplicity and humility of Prophet Muhammad and his companions, focused on intense devotion and asceticism, or renunciation of worldly desires, to seek closeness to God. Over time, this inward, mystical approach developed into what we know as Sufism.

The word "Sufi" is often thought to derive from the Arabic word suf, meaning "wool," reflecting the simple woolen garments that early practitioners wore to symbolize humility and detachment from worldly pleasures. By the 10th century, Sufism had evolved into a more structured practice, with Sufi orders (known as tariqas) forming around spiritual leaders and teachers. These orders became centers for spiritual learning, meditation, and communal worship, spreading throughout the Islamic world from Spain and North Africa to Central Asia and India.

Key Concepts of Sufism

1. Tawhid (Unity of God): The central tenet of Sufism, like Islam, is tawhid, the belief in the oneness of God. Sufis view all creation as a reflection of God, and the ultimate goal is to recognize and experience unity with the divine.

2. Ihsan (Perfection of Worship): Sufism emphasizes ihsan, which means worshiping God as though you see Him, and knowing that He sees you. This concept encourages Sufis to practice mindfulness, sincerity, and deep devotion in their worship.

3. Divine Love: Sufi teachings often describe the soul’s journey toward God as a path of love. This love is seen as the force that moves the soul toward unity with God, symbolized in the poetic language of lover and beloved.

4. Fana (Annihilation) and Baqa (Subsistence): In the process of reaching God, Sufis seek fana, or the annihilation of the self and ego. This is followed by baqa, a state of spiritual subsistence in which the individual lives in harmony with God’s will, experiencing continuous awareness of the divine presence.

5. The Spiritual Journey: The journey of a Sufi is often described in stages, where each stage or “station” involves spiritual practices, self-discipline, and guidance from a teacher. This process of personal transformation is meant to lead the seeker to enlightenment, self-awareness, and union with God.

Sufi Practices and Rituals

Sufi practices are designed to nurture the seeker’s inner connection with God, deepen their faith, and encourage self-transformation. Some of the core practices include:

Dhikr (Remembrance of God): Dhikr is the repeated chanting of divine names or phrases, often accompanied by rhythmic movement or breathing. This practice helps focus the mind on God and clears away distractions.

Meditation and Contemplation: Many Sufi orders practice meditation to deepen their connection with the divine. Meditation, often focused on verses of the Quran or poetry, encourages mindfulness and spiritual reflection.

Sama (Listening) and Whirling: Some Sufi orders, like the Mevlevi order founded by Rumi's followers, practice Sama, which includes listening to music, poetry, or chanting, and the famous whirling dance. The whirling dervishes use this dance as a form of moving meditation to reach states of ecstasy and spiritual insight.

Sufi Orders and Teachers

Sufism often involves following a sheikh or pir, a spiritual teacher who guides disciples along the path. Some of the most well-known Sufi orders include the Qadiriyya, Chishti, Naqshbandi, and Mevlevi orders. Each order has its own distinct practices, rituals, and emphasis on different teachings.

The relationship between the Sufi seeker (called a murid) and their teacher is central. The teacher provides guidance and transmits spiritual wisdom through both direct teaching and personal example. Many Sufi orders stress that it’s through submission and devotion to a teacher that disciples can overcome their egos and grow spiritually.

Sufism's Universal Appeal and Influence

While rooted in Islam, Sufism emphasizes the universal aspects of spirituality. Its message of love, peace, tolerance, and unity with God has had an enduring appeal across cultures and faiths. Sufi poetry and literature, especially that of poets like Rumi, Hafiz, and Ibn Arabi, express this universal spirituality, often exploring the mystical relationship between God and humanity in ways that transcend specific religious doctrine.

In summary, Sufism offers a path of inner transformation and personal connection with God, focusing on love, self-purification, and spiritual awareness. Sufi traditions and teachings remind us of the profound and shared spiritual potential within us all, encouraging the heart's journey toward love, compassion, and unity with the divine.

[wisdomrays]

TALIB, MURID, SALIK, WASIL (The Seeker, The One Who Wills, The Initiate, The One Who Has Attained or Reached): Part 4

The one who wills or the willing one

According to the Sufis, the one who wills is one who after renouncing their personal desires and aims is attached to a guide in accordance with the religious rules and is under the guidance of this person for their spiritual training. This term is used to denote the dervishes who have not yet entered or who have been unable to enter the path of initiation; the first rank that will be attained by one who wills is annihilation in the guide.

Muhyi’d-Din ibnu’l-‘Arabi defines the one who wills or the willing one as one who has renounced looking, seeing, and willing on their own account, but has rather turned wholly to God. This definition differs from other definitions. According to Ibnu’l- ‘Arabi, one who wills sees their free will as belonging to God and as a manifestation of His absolute Will, thus perceiving all other forms of will or volition as being relative or of a nominal existence and nature. If this consideration by Ibnu’l-‘Arabi was a result of spiritual ecstasy, then no one has the right to criticize it. If this was not the case, then the scholars of essentials of religion would have had something to say about it. Even though those like the venerable Ibnu’l-‘Arabi attribute free will to human beings, in theory, in the sense of inclination, they venerate those who have renounced their free will in the face of the Divine Will. The reason why there is a variety of approaches in such matters is partly due to differences in individual spiritual tastes, visions, experiences and states, as well as in temperaments and dispositions.

No matter who the person that one who wills is attached to, their real goal is God, the All-Besought One. However, all of those who will are not at the same level and may have different manners. There are some, known as “one who is absolutely sincere in their seeking,” who never disagree with their guide and avoid manners that could be interpreted as opposing the guide. They do not search for evidence for the words and decrees of the guide in other places. There are others who, although they also follow the orders of their guide both apparently and at heart, and who do not feel the need to search for different ways or methods, are not as sensitive or as careful as the former in following or in attachment to the guide. Such people are called “one who wills figuratively.” There are still yet others, if they can truly be regarded as being among those who will, who, even though they apparently comply with their guide, always breathe opposition to the guide in their absence and in their secret considerations; these latter think that it is of no harm to behave differently, zigzagging along the path. The Sufis use the term “deserter” to define such people.

The most important characteristics that are expected from one who wills are truthfulness, loyalty, trustworthiness, and straightforwardness. These are all the characteristics that belong to those who are stationed near to God. That is, among the attributes that one who wills should have are being true in words, actions, and thoughts, being mentioned as a trustworthy one in the heavens and on the earth, always giving the impression that one is utterly reliable, and being a person of steadfastness and resolution who gives their free will its due.

Despite being at the beginning of the journey, one who wills should always be respectful for the principles and criteria of the Shari‘a, possessing the sensitivity of an initiate and observing the norms that are generally accepted by the Muslim community, thus avoiding religiously detestable things. If they happen to commit a repugnant act, even once, or fail to observe an accepted norm, the traveler should immediately hasten to the fountain of repentance, penitence, and contrition, with the thought of giving no respite to anything that is sinful or to any stain caused by having committed something that is displeasing to God. Without delay, they should be purified of the filth or viruses that can open up wounds in their heart and spirit.

In addition, such a traveler who is traveling the path toward the Ultimate Truth and seeking God’s good pleasure should set their heart on the Ever-Besought One, thus cleansing their heart of attachment to wealth and earning, love of rank and position, desire for comfort, and interest in anything other than God. Moreover, they should regard being and not being, being favored with certain things and being deprived of them, gaining and losing, that which comes and that which does not come, that which remains and that which does not remain, and being accepted and being rejected all as equal. They should try to keep all these opposites equal in their world of the spirit.

As the final point for one who wills is annihilation in the Will of the Lord, complete obedience to the guide from the beginning is required. If one who wills is to continue to be favored with Divine regard, it is extraordinarily important that they obey the commandments given in accordance with the Shari‘a without objection, fulfilling whatever they are advised to do and never neglecting the devotional recitations that they have undertaken to do regularly. These are preparatory and encouraging duties that are to be fulfilled for the full observance of the Qur’an and Sunna. It is clear that a traveler toward the Ultimate Truth who gives their free will its due in loyalty to their guide will be sensitive in the observation of the orders and prohibitions of the Ultimate Truth. However, they should avoid treating the guide, who is the mirror through which the Sun’s rays— God’s blessings—are reflected as if he were the Sun, that is, God, and thus considering the means to be the goal.

The attitude of the willing one or of one who wills in the face of God, their view of themselves and other people, and their approach to Divine gifts and bounties are also of great importance. First of all, they should see themselves as being inferior to all people and so that this view is not without support, they should always control, examine and criticize their faults. They should try to be aware of any faults or sins that catch their attention, as if they have newly committed them, busying themselves at every instant, every hour, and every day with their own purification, as well as completely abandoning finding fault with others. If the one who wills think that they have any merits, they should tremble in fear that these are present as a means for gradual perdition, as they have not been purified enough to be deserving of such blessings. They should not attribute to themselves any part of their praiseworthy activities, from their greatest services for the sake of God to their sincerest acts of worship, or from their most unbearable sufferings to their most difficult attempts of initiation; nor should they have any extraordinary expectations due to such actions. Even if they are favored with showers of gifts and blessings, they should worry that these may be coming as a test, saying like:

That which I have—I am not worthy of it;

This favor and grace—why have they been bestowed on me?

[pct-zindabad]

Cricket & Qawwali

𝘖𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘲𝘶𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘗𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘪 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘘𝘢𝘸𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘪:

“Briefly – and dryly – Qawwali is a form of devotional music, originating centuries ago but in the form that we now know it in around the 13th century by one order of the Sufis. (Sufism is a practice of Islam but, with its modern puritanism belt much loosened, it asks for a more personalised relationship with God.) Generally but not exclusively, the lyrics will be the work of great Sufi poets, rendered in soaring, shrieking voices but to bare music: a tabla or dhol for a beat, a wheezing harmonium for rhythm, and the clapping of an entourage. The voice, the clapping, the chanting: these are the structural planks. But the spiritual base is the most important because Qawwali is not just music. To those versed, it is a call to prayer, to ritual, to contemplation, to faith, to hope, to despair, to love, to mourning, to celebration. Other music, especially modern music, asks you primarily to listen. Qawwali asks that you submit, that you immerse yourself. Otherwise it asks – and gives – you nothing.

Taken casually, it can be a mood thing. Sometimes it’s left me flat, a mish-mash of voice and noise that, to an ear attuned to Western music, is too disparate and incoherent. But sometimes – live especially and, thus, raw – it catches. Maybe it’s the right lyric or the force of repetition but then – forget mind, body and soul – it can set fire to eternity.

The more I thought about it, the more apparent Qawwali became as a revelatory point of reference for Pakistan’s cricket in those spells. Is it too crazy? I spoke to Abu Mohammad, one of the country’s leading Qawwals (better known alongside his brother Fareed Ayaz) about it. I’m not sure that the argument struck him immediately but, by the end of our conversation, as he promised to send me articles from 2005 (when former President Pervez Musharraf, the Pakistan cricket team and Mohammad and his troupe were all in Delhi together) linking Qawwali and cricket, I thought he might have warmed to it.

There were two questions I really wanted to put to him. Could it be said, I asked, that to the uninitiated, a Qawwali can sometimes feel like a living, breathing but random collection of voice and sound until, suddenly at one moment, it surges together. And then transformed, it becomes momentarily a single, powerful force. (Take also, I thought but didn’t ask, the alaap, that sudden vocal burst in a Qawwali. Is that not exactly like a riff of wickets by one bowler from out of nowhere, at odds with everything that has gone before?)

But it was the next question, about haal, that had really gnawed away in my head. The literal meaning of haal is state, as in a state of being, and it can refer to a number of different states. But it has come to be interpreted, more often than not, as one ultimate state of ecstasy, much sought after but rarely achieved, in man’s journey to get closer to God. “In the ecstatic state,” explains Idries Shah in his book Oriental Magic, “Sufis are believed to be able to overcome all barriers of time, space and thought. They are able to cause apparently impossible things to happen merely because they are no longer confined by the barriers which exist for more ordinary people.”

One of the primary objectives of Qawwali is to attempt to bring the performer as well as the listener to haal. Mohammad recites a Sufi poem and then says: “The state of haal is such that if you, God willing, get there in a gathering, after coming back from haal, you will not be able to describe or explain the feeling. This is just that state that only he knows who has experienced it. Haal or wajd [the literal translation for ecstasy] is such a state that comes to that man and takes him to the goal that he has been in search of all his life. Then he is not with himself, he has reached somewhere else.”

Is there a moment in live performances when you can identify that haal has been achieved? “No, no, no. You cannot identify this moment [haal ultimately can only be granted to you, you have no control over its arrival]. Sometimes it is the traditional chant Allah hu and it happens, sometimes a verse like Dam a dam mast qalandar and it’s there. This is dependent on the individual and their state of existence, the mood of the moment, where their point of thinking is taken from.”

“The entire tournament was, for Pakistan, like a Qawwali itself: disparate, floating aimlessly initially before suddenly coming together with such force that they became the best in the world”

This isn’t so radical a connection because, from the off, the concept of haal struck me as a familiar one. In a way it’s what all athletes strive towards. Only in sports they call it “the zone”, that state of supreme focus which sees athletes perform for periods at the very peak of their potential. How similar is it? Well. Dr Roberta Antonini Phillipe, a sports psychologist at the Institute of Movement Sciences and Sports Medicine, University of Geneva, says that when a player is in the zone, it is like being in a trance.

“The zone is when your mind fully connects with achieving a goal,” she explains. “When you’re in the zone your mind only processes the thoughts and images that help you execute your task successfully. In that state of mind the athlete explains that he has positive thoughts, positive images and sometimes also music in his head.”

The trope that the zone has spiritual components and implications is not unexplored. The psychologist Andrew Cooper did so in his 1998 book Playing in the Zone: Exploring the Spiritual Dimensions of Sports. Cooper is a devout student of Zen. “The zone is the essence and pinnacle of the athletic experience, for it reveals that, at their root, sports are a theatre for enacting the drama of self-transcendence,” he writes. “Athletes and fans alike, focused as we so often are on the game of winning and losing, miss the deeper significance that is right before our eyes. But in the zone, the extraordinary capacities that lie within each individual are made manifest. To grasp this hidden dimension is to transform the very meaning of athletic play.”

“Net practice and training – the rehearsed recordings of sport – are generally imprisonment for Pakistani players”

Where haal deviates from the zone is in the idea that the latter can be sought, that through a series of steps or rigorous preparation and practice it can be achieved. Many sports psychologists – but not all – believe that using different techniques of visualisation, goal-setting and self-motivation can help athletes to achieve and stay in the zone. Pakistan employs no such techniques and never has done. Just as Abu Mohammad says that Qawwali rehearsed and recorded in a studio is the imprisonment of the form, so it is with Pakistan. Net practice and training – the rehearsed recordings of sport – are generally imprisonment for Pakistani players. That is not where they shine. For them, as with Qawwali, it happens live and it happens unprepared. Enlightenment, goes one saying of Zen, is an accident, as it could be in haal and as it is in Pakistan cricket.

There are other points to consider in Pakistan’s deviation. How often, for example, do you hear of a group of athletes going into the zone collectively? It can and does happen. According to Ed Smith, Mike Brearley recently described a team in a zone: “Each player breathes in the others at their best, is strengthened by that identification, and gives off similar vibes to the rest of the team.” Choking, almost an opposite of the zone, does spread through teams. But the most striking aspect of Pakistan’s haal is the effect it has on the spectator. When Pakistan achieve haal, to be there live is to almost achieve haal yourself, in unison, as is the hope of every performance of Qawwali.

The Abu Dhabi Test win over England in January 2012, to pull out just one instance, managed this. I wrote a piece in which briefly I wondered about haal and Sufism. One spectator, part of the English travelling support, read it and wrote in. “As part of the visiting England fan base we sat yesterday in awe of what unfolded. Seldom do you see a side in any form of cricket dismantled in two hours of play. What struck many of us – and we have all played the game throughout our lives – was the seeming inevitability of what was about to unfold. From the very start of the England second innings one could sense a quiet but definite shift in ownership of the moment, something beyond the playing conditions and the participants solely. It was like karma, strange as that may sound. Your article summed up the sense of ‘other worldliness’ some of us felt.”

In other words, submission. Because, finally, what Pakistan are doing in these moments is asking you to submit. They are asking you, opponent and spectator, to submit to their reality, their chaos, their unplanning, their spur of the moment, their pox, their talent, their wretchedness, their beauty, their spirit. They are inviting you to dance with them. Except that it isn’t just a dance. It is the dance of that great Sufi poet, Jalaluddin Rumi:

“Dance, when you’re broken open.

Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance in your blood.

Dance when you’re perfectly free.”

[marwahstudios]

Sandeep Marwah Inaugurates Exhibition of Paintings, Celebrating Art and Creativity

New Delhi, May 26, 2023 – Sandeep Marwah, the Chancellor of AAFT University and President of Marwah Studios, inaugurated a captivating exhibition of paintings at the India Habitat Centre, Lodhi Estate, New Delhi. The event showcased the remarkable works of renowned artists and celebrated the power of creativity.

In his address, Sandeep Marwah expressed his deep appreciation for the art form, emphasizing that painting is not merely a noun, but a verb, an event that breathes life into each stroke. He commended the artists for their courage in embracing their creativity and acknowledged the spiritual energy that each painting brings to the world. Marwah also extended his congratulations to all the artists and praised the curator of the show, Amrita Prakash, for her commendable efforts in bringing together such a talented group of painters under one roof.

The event was graced by notable personalities, including Jiten Hazarika, an eminent artist; Manjari Chaturvedi, a renowned Sufi Kathak dancer; and Lipika Sud, a leading interior designer, who all shared their insights and experiences in the world of art and creativity.

The group show featured an array of talented artists, including Prashant Hirlekar, Shubhra, Nitin Bhand, Inna Lesechko, Shankari Kundu, Shankar Sharma, Vijaya Chandra Babu Menda, Deeba Qureshi, Nivedita Sharma, Rajkumar Sangwan, Barinder Singh, Seema Hedaoo, Sameera Yusuf, Pratima Pandey, Devika Pal, Shefali Verma, Malayadri K, Avani Shah, Sheetal Gulahati, and Karuna Jain. Each artist’s unique perspective and skill were showcased through their captivating paintings, adding a touch of brilliance and vibrancy to the exhibition.

The exhibition provided art enthusiasts and the general public with an opportunity to immerse themselves in the beauty and creativity of the artworks on display. It served as a platform to celebrate the artists’ dedication and passion, as well as the transformative power of art in our lives.

[imaminoccultation]

Letter 3: How Nubians Became Arab - A Sufi Hypothesis for the Arabicization of Sudan

Peace be upon those who follow the right path. Which is to say, okay, Sudani Sufism? Aren’t you a Shi’i Neoplatonist?

Ugh, I know it seems a bit weird, ‘Umar, but trust me, Neoplatonism is a bit more common than you might think. I have it on good authority that the Tijaaniya Sufis are Neoplatonists, and lately I haven’t been able to not wonder about what other Sufis in Sudan might be. I think of how my mom used to describe God to me, how I always believed in him: like some sort of power that runs through and connects the universe, not so much a being with a distinct personality…

This is why Muslim Neoplatonists like the Isma’ilis, the Tijaanis, and yours truly like intercession. We think God is inaccessible except through intermediaries, a bunch of middle men (or women!) of varying degrees of qualified to help you access God. It’s gonna be really complicated to get into how this works, but sufficient to say: okay, everybody has a little bit of the Light of Muhammad (the Ideal Man, in the Muslim Neoplatonist worldview) in them. Sheikhs, imams, other spiritual teachers, basically they are the most qualified to identify the Light of Muhammad in things and also know the best tools to bring it out. This is why Sufis are obsessed with isolation: one of the main ways Sudanese people got educated in my parents’ time was in khalwas, secluded rooms usually built around mosques where some old dude (Light of Muhammad extraordinaire AKA sheikh AKA Sunday school teacher with magic powers), where they do nothing but memorize and recite the Recitation in hopes of getting the deep, personal knowledge of the truth of the Light of Muhammad that their sheikh has.

Make sense? No? Well, we’ll have to come back to it.

Anyways, so, for the record, the place I’m from is also very Sufi. Mostly Hindiyya, I think, but you also got yourself a lot of Sammaanis and just enough Mukaashifis that the old ladies in the village still like to yell “Oh sweet St. Mukaashifi!” (or, in Sudani Arabic: ya al-mukaashifi!)

See, calling on the names of bearers of the Light of Muhammad, even after they’re dead, is just one of many tactics to accessing God. The idea of accessing the divine with your coolest ancestors as your middle men is REALLY old in Sudan. Before Sufi Islam came along and took the region by storm, people were Orthodox Christians.

Now, Orthodox Christians aren’t quite Neoplatonist, from what I understand, but they’re pretty close. The Father is, like, the absolutely simple reality that Shi’i Neoplatonists like me call “Allah” or “God” cause we don’t like confusing people, which eternally gives birth to the Word, the logos, the Son! The Son basically breathes out the Holy Spirit (or Holy Ghost, if you’re Mormon, or “Sacred Breath” if you want a plain English version), which then generates the reality we can experience. But, you know, cause Orthodox Christians hate the idea that somebody could comprehend the Trinity, they also add the fact that, you know, they all do this shit in perfect unity while all being the same entity. It’s a paradox, but it’s how the One God has chosen to reveal himself! At least, that’s how much I can understand it.

Now, I’m Muslim. I don’t believe God does paradoxes. For me, that’s why I call the Christians’ Father “God” and not the Father: like I was saying in my letter about tawhid, I don’t believe God resembles things in the known universe. While I also believe in the logos, the Light of Muhammad, or the Universal Intellect which contains all the eternal truths that govern our experiential reality, I see the Light of Muhammad more like Allah’s Pen, which he mentions in the Recitation. It’s the first thing he created, according to some Shi’i hadith. When he created it, the first thing it said was “what do you want me to write, dude?” and God said “everything that will ever happen.”

Well, what does such a Pen write on? See, this where the Guarded Tablet, Allah’s heavenly notebook, comes in. As a Shi’i, Allah is basically just the ultimate Drawn to Life protagonist: hence the Recitation talking about all his “all he needs to do is say ‘Be,’ then it is.” The Guarded Tablet, often known as the Universal Soul, is its own, independent eternal being that generates the cosmos. In some senses, it's a Trinity, except the power dynamics are different: while the Pen and the Guarded Tablet are independent eternal beings, they are both created by and wholly dependent on Allah for their existence. They are the intermediaries closest to him, but still perfect Slaves: totally subordinated. But, if it depends on God to exist, in the Hikma worldview, it is 100% not God.

Anyways, back to Sudan. Ya see, in the Funj Sultanate, what I would argue is basically the first Sudanese state (sans-Darfur and South Sudan, of course), some famous dude named Muhammad son of Dayf Allah took it upon himself to record a bunch of biographies of all the Sufi bigwigs he was hearing about. It’s like, one of the oldest Sudani history books, Sudani Sufis still read the shit out of it today. At one point, Dayf Allah basically gives us the cliff notes of how Islam spread in Sudan and the Funj Sultanate took over the former territory of Dotawo, “The Kingdom of the Upper and Lower Nile,” which included basically all of modern Sudan except Darfur (and also not South Sudan). 

Basically, according to Dayf Allah (with some details added in from the Granary Clerk’s Manuscript, a Turkish-era book about Funj history): 

Apparently some Muslim dude went and met up with the Funj, wowed them with his brilliant table manners (or religious knowledge, there are a ton of different versions of this story), got hitched to the Funj chief’s daughter, and they gave birth to the Funj royal line (I mean, supposedly). Then, they followed this one magic bull to the shore of the Nile where they found some chick who called herself “Sinnar” (some people claim this means Essin-Aar, “Island of Water” or “Island of the Sister,” but neither seem likely to me), and they decided “fuck it, why not build the capital of one of the two great Sudanese Islamic empires right here?”

Anyways, supposedly, after this rousing start (details are disputed, but that’s the gist), these niggas made their way up from southeastern Sudan (modern-day Sinnar state), up the Blue Nile (and northwards on a map), slowly conquering the former territories of the Kingdom of Alwa, the southernmost Nubian kingdom. By that time, Alwa was already sort of going through a rough time and it may have joined forces with Makuria to form Dotawo to deal with that stuff, but they couldn’t stop the Funj onslaught. The Funj crushed the Alwans, fucked their capital Soba up so bad that I know this one Sufi song that goes like “law ma ahl an-noba kan ad-dunya khirbat kharaab zey Soba,” basically “if the Sufis hadn’t shown up, the world woulda been fucked up the way they fucked up Soba.” Yeah, that bad.

Anyways! Funj Sultanate kicks Alwa’s ass and reaches, let’s say, the bottom of what Dayf Allah calls as-Saafil: basically, roughly the border between ash-Shimaaliya and the River Nile, around where the Shawayga and Ja’aliyyin squat. Now here’s where things get a bit twisty. What’s happening up in Makuria, AKA ash-Shimaaliya + River Nile State + Red Sea State + Kassala? Maybe?

So, there are two theories:

Some Yemeni dudes land in Red Sea State from Hadramawt and marry some rich Beja kings, ending up with something called the Hadariba Sultanate (Hadariba, Hadarima, see? Also notice – Ancient Egyptians called the Beja, Medjay). These guys hire some Meccan dude (or maybe a Beja dude who was claiming his grandma was from Mecca, sources are unclear) named Abdallah Jamaa’ (the Gatherer), who then basically starts an Orthodox Islamic Empire starting in the East, working his way until he’s taken up former Makuria territory and made it all the way down to Arbaji. Abdallab Sultanate v.s. Funj Sultanate: they’ve both done a lot to take up the former land of two of Africa’s most powerful kingdoms, Makuria and Alwa, and now they’re facing off in el-Gezira of all places. The Abdallab convince Amara Dungus that he should convert from paganism to Islam, he does, and they agree to join forced and form the Islamic Funj Sultanate.

Abdalla Jamaa’ is as fake as the Muslim Arab dude who gave birth to the Funj royal family. In reality, like Dayf Allah tells us, the Abdallab Sultanate (perhaps an Arabized Nubian or Beja state?) whooped the asses of some Nubian kingdom in the north, kept moving south, then got in a fight with the Funj. I mean, it makes sense, I feel like the Funj lowkey already knew what Islam was without having to have some Meccan dude tell them.

Instead, Dayf Allah just mentions that, before the Funj came along, people in Nubia/Makurian Territory/Ash-Shimaaliya+Northern state+East Sudan/The Funj Lowlands/as-Saafil did the dangerously sinful and barbaric deed of…checks notes “Divorcing a woman and getting married the next day without the Islamically specified waiting period.” Okay really, Dayf Allah, that’s all you got for me? It’s gotta be more complicated than that!

He mentions some famous sheikh coming in and then teaching them hey, have an ‘idda period, ye fucking bastards, which is, I mean, like, okay. But my point is, starting from the south/the Funj Highlands/as-Sa’eed/Alwa, the Funj move northwards and establish Islamic polities. That’s not to say there weren’t Muslims before: we got tons of examples of Old Nubian documents with Muslim names in them, sometimes with parents with Muslim names, some not (too lazy to find examples, look up Old Nubian onomastics, or send me an email complaining for citations, I got y’all). We also know from Muslims who wrote about Nobatia, Makuria, Alwa, and their final combined form, Dotawo, who talk about how there were already Muslim communities in the area. Famous Arab explorer and fuckboy Ibn Battuta visited the Hadariba Sultanate and claimed he met Arab Muslims there who spoke Bidawiyet. Ibn al-Aswani also mentioned meeting people who identified as Arab but spoke Nubian. This phenomenon was basically recorded among the riverine Sudanese groups all the way up until the 19th-century, as far as I can tell, where we have the last records of white people telling us they met Ja’alis and Shaigis who spoke fluent Nobiin. How widespread was this? I mean, who the fuck knows! 

But I mean, it’s clear something weird is happening at the Makuria/Alwa boundary when it comes to movements of Sudanese Sufi communities. You see, I’m Mahasi. Starting from the first cataract (all the way up in southern Egypt) and all the way down to the 6th (basically before Khartoum?), the Nubian groups basically go:

Kunuz, also known as Mattokki in their language, Mattokki Nubian (means “people of the East”). They may have something to do with the people who migrated from Dongola, the capital of Makuria, after it fell north up to Egypt and founded the Kanz state? Anyways, they basically live up by Aswan, for the most part. 

Egyptian Fadicca, sometimes also called Mahas, heard three etymologies for their names: fark-dijja, I think (“(people of) the five valleys”), fadaja (“peasant,” if I’m not mistaken), and also fayadicca: “I’m gonna die!” Also claimed that this is the result of them being Makurian refugees but I don’t think there’s enough evidence to say so. Anyways,

Sudanese Fadicca AKA Halfawis, usually called Halfawiyyin, but some Sikkotawis are also called Halfawi, so don’t get mixed up. Named after, you know, Wadi Halfa, which is the place they’re from and also the place fucking Jamal Abdelnasser flooded under Lake Nubia. Jesus Christ.

Sikkotawis: Ah, the group Wardi and other people from the Nubian town of Sawarda belong to. Sometimes called Halfawis, too, since they’re a pretty small group. They’re also sometimes called Mahas.

Mahas: Okay, there are Mahas proper, who live in Mahas, Nubia, ash-Shimaaliya, and then there are the non-Mahasi Nobiin-speaking Nubians who also get called/call themselves Mahas, and then there are the Blue Nile Mahasis. I will get to them. I have a personal bone to pick with them, but, they claim to be from Mahas (sometimes)

Danagla: Down by the 4th cataract, Dongola, the most Arab of the non-Arab Nubians, or, you know, the most Nubian of the non-Nubian Arabs. The tribe Sudani (fake) Muhammad al-Mahdi fucking came from, which is to say, the tribe Ja’afar Nimeiry comes from, which is to say, like, the people who speak Andaandi and live in Dar Dongola, the old capital of Makuria.

Now, unlike groups 1-3, which I feel like are at the forefront of most Nubian language revitalization initiatives, I feel like groups 4-6 probably represent the vast majority of Nubians…it’s just that not that many of them speak Nubian languages by comparison. Ya see, tons of Mahasis live in el-Gezira and have since at least the Turkish period, but they don’t got no living memory of speaking Nobiin. Then there’s also Danagla who live outside of Dar Dongola who have a super long connection with Sufism: I mean, fucking Muhammad al-Mahdi, Sudan’s most…successful Sufi sheikh let’s say. They also don’t really speak Andaandi anymore. And notice: people living in southern Makuria territory, like the Ja’aliyyin and Shawayga, they also don’t speak Nubian languages anymore. Not to mention there are all sorts of Western Sudanese Nubian languages that have been lost to history, like Haraza Nubian. At least we still have Midob, the Ajang languages of the Nuba Mountains, and some evidence of Birgid Nubian that has led some experts to think: “you know, maybe Nubian languages started out in Darfur.”

But that’s a whole other topic. But anyway! Noticing a pattern? Slowly but surely, from the south on up, as Sufism spreads throughout Sudan, more and more Nubian-language speakers, while holding onto a ton of Nubian culture and sharing a long connection with Nubians, start calling themselves Arab after the arrival of Sufism even if they still speak Nubian. Then, after they stop speaking Nubian languages, they stop calling themselves Nubian.

What could be happening here?

Well, ya see, prior to the arrival of Sufism, Nubians were Orthodox Christians. They had a very transcendent concept of God the Father, similar to my crazy specific tawhid, ‘scept I can tell you, them niggas believe in a Trinity. Which basically means, for them, God was so far away and so inaccessible, but also so powerful, basically anything can connect you with God if you use it right. So Nubian Christians prayed for the intercession of angels, The Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ, all sorts of Coptic saints (like Saint Mena, who you should totally read up on), and when Sufism came along, I mean, it fit like a glove. Sure, you can’t call the intermediaries God anymore, but Sufis lowkey see the world the same way that I do as a Shi’i Neoplatonist. Just like Nubians called on their Christian saints to connect them with God because of the great deeds they’ve done for Him, Nubian Sufis (and indeed, Sufi Sudanis generally) call on their Sufi sheikhs/saints to connect them with God because of the great deeds they’ve done for It. 

So maybe what separates the Nubians (Halfawi, Mahasi, etc.) from the Arabized Nubians (Ja’aliyyin, Shawayga, etc.) is primarily religion, the former converting later than the latter. I’ve noticed a lot of tribalist jokes tend to imply that Nubians are less religious, but I mean, every Nubian I’ve ever met is religious as fuck, and historically, Nubians are religious zealots. The Kushites, like Amanirenas, were basically Amun keyzaan, then they got into Jesus in the 6th-century just to show the Egyptians and Ethiopians how to do it right, and then when a version of Islam that wasn’t Orthodox Sunnism finally came along (Sufism) they were super into it. 

So maybe that’s why the Nubians who still speak Nubian languages, still do, and those who don’t, don’t? i.e. me as a Geziran Mahasi whose ancestors claim to be from Sawarda (Sikkot territory) or Badeen Island (Sikkot territory…?), living in a Sufi hotspot with an extremely long connection to Sufi history (the areas along the Blue Nile), and maybe the reasons Halfawis keep getting stereotyped as being the most blasphemous despite being very practicing is cause maybe they fucking converted last. You know, Orthodox Christians hated the Muslims’ guts, maybe they were still dropping those hot takes, sibbing the deen like nobody’s business, I mean, Muhammad Jalal Hashim claims there were Christian Nubians till the early 20th-century who literally fought their Nubian Muslim neighbors.

But it’s also worth noting that, I’ve read the Turkish-era Nobiin Gospel of Mark from 1860, a time period where we know there were at least SOME Nubian Christians, albeit often recent converts from Islam to Christianity thanks to white missionaries. Like 14% of the words in there are Arabic (and it’s some 3ammu  from Serre writing it), including a ton of the loanwords a lot of Nubian language activists are trying to replace with Nobiin neologisms. I mean, it’s fine if you wanna do that, personally, though, I think it’s worth recognizing that basically any Muslim culture is going to have a TON of contact with Arabic, and that’ll naturally influence the language. It’s true of Urdu, Farsi, Bangla, Swahili, Hausa, Fur, Nobiin, Andaandi, Bidawiyet (Beja), literally it’s all over the place. But most of those languages are doing fine. It’s not Arabic loanwords that kills languages. It’s failing to teach a language to your kids that kills languages. You can sit there making up Nobiin neologisms till the cows come home, but if it’s not helping your kids learn Nobiin better, should you?

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

the ghost of unbroken love pt 1

Summary: Thomas pays the Carstairs home a visit once the dust has settled (COI spoilers!)

Read it on AO3 | Fanfiction Masterlist

CW: PTSD, implied child abuse, bullying

thanks to @littlx-songbxrd for the title :) (it’s a line from “silhouettes” by sleeping at last)

Alastair’s eyes widened in surprise when he opened the front door to see Thomas Lightwood standing before him. “What are you doing here?” 

“Hello to you, too,” he replied, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Alastair’s hands. “Why do you have a hedgehog?” 

He turned away slightly, gently stroking the hedgehog in his palm. “Excuse you, don’t be rude to Alfred.” 

Thomas gave a slight smile. “My apologies, Alfred. Wait- Isn’t that Christopher’s hedgehog?” 

Alastair’s eyes flared, clearly offended. “He is not! He was merely watching him for a few days.” 

“Ah, I do think he mentioned that. My mistake.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.” 

“Since when do you have a pet hedgehog, though?” 

He tried to focus on the feeling of Alfred squirming in his palms and not on the tall, handsome masterpiece of a man standing before him, or on the memory of what his lips and skin tasted like. “If you’re here to try to change my mind-” 

“I’m not, don’t worry. I just… I thought that perhaps we could talk, now that some of the excitement has passed.” 

Alastair sighed. “Fine, come in, then, before you freeze.” 

Thomas followed him in, shaking some of the melting ice and snow from his hair and hanging up his coat. His nose and ears were red from the cold. 

“It truly would not kill you to wear a hat, you know,” Alastair commented. 

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’ve a reputation to uphold, don’t I? What would my friends and I be known for if not our aversion to hats?” 

“Besides being a nuisance, you mean?” 

Thomas smirked. “Kit did look after Alfred for you.” 

“Believe me, any time I mention you and your Merry boys, I never mean Christopher.” 

He chuckled. “That’s fair.” Thomas’ eyes drifted to the piano. Alastair cursed silently to himself, realizing that he’d left the fallboard open earlier. “You play?” 

“I…” Alastair hesitated. He certainly used to. He wanted to, again. He could play music from a sheet without much effort, though he was still rusty, but playing written music was never what Alastair had enjoyed about playing. He’d always found his joy in creating, in taking written words and crafting it into a beautiful melody. That had been what he was attempting earlier, before he’d gotten overwhelmed and abandoned the project to fetch Alfred to calm him down, before Thomas had arrived at his doorstep. But it was a lost cause, for the part of Alastair that created, the part that dreamed, had died long ago. “Sometimes. Sometimes I do.” 

Thomas pulled something out of his coat. “I, uh, I brought you something. I thought… Well, I’m not sure what I thought. I’m certainly not an expert in dealing with grief. But this is one of the books I read after Barbara died, and I thought it was a helpful distraction, and I figured at the very least you could amuse yourself with my trying to make sense of it all in the margins.” 

Alastair gave him a small smile while placing Alfred down on the sofa and accepted the book. It was a volume of Sufi poetry, written in Farsi and Arabic. “Thank you, this… it means a lot.” 

The conversation stumbled awkwardly for the next few minutes until finally Thomas made a pensive noise. “May I… May I ask you something?” 

Alastair paused. “You may.” 

“Why are you still friends with them?” 

Alastair cast a dark gaze away from him. “I already told you, I-” 

“You have no friends, I know. But you certainly pretend to be friendly with them, at the very least. You certainly don’t treat them anything like the way we’ve treated you.” 

You don’t treat them anything like the way you’ve treated me, he wanted to say, but he knew that he would be deflecting to bring it up now. The truth was that Alastair asked himself the same questions. Why was he civil with them, friendly even? Why did he placate his father knowing how he would still treat him? He was sure he could see the wheels turning in Thomas’ brain, though his face betrayed none of it, wondering how badly they could have truly treated him if he was able to stay so amicable with them. Alastair, too, often worried if his own memories were lying to him, tricking him. “I can hardly blame them, can I? When I myself have done horrible things?” 

Thomas hesitated. “That- That’s not really fair, is it?” 

“I’m not sure what you mean.” 

“Well, it sounded like, at the time, you hadn’t done anything yet. At least, not to them.” 

“What’s it matter? What goes around comes around.” 

“More like what comes around goes around. Life isn’t just some twisted justice system, paying for crimes you hadn’t yet committed. What reasons did they have for treating you the way they did? Have they apologized?” Alastair’s brain stalled as Thomas added, “Do you think they owe you one?” 

Alastair could feel his heart beating, blood rushing to his head, his chest constricting. “Why are you doing this?” he demanded a little too forcefully. “I told you to leave me alone!” 

Thomas took a daring step towards him. “I think you think you deserved it. You think that you’re a monster, that you’re dangerous, a terrible person. You think that means they were justified in hurting you. That’s bullshit, Alastair. No one deserves to go through what you did, even someone who is terrible, and you are not. You’ve done bad things, certainly, but you’ve had reasons for doing each of them, and not one was that you are a terrible person. You are none of the things that you call yourself. You are strong and resilient and compassionate, and you love with your whole heart even those who do not deserve it.” 

Alastair took a step back. “You’re wrong.” He wasn’t. Alastair hated feeling so seen, so vulnerable. He wanted to scream. Why wasn’t it enough, then? His love was never enough to make his father want to change, to get better. It was not even enough to get him to stop throwing things at him whenever the night quit going his way. His love was not enough to make Charles love him back. Even the boys at the Academy, Augustus and the rest, he’d spent so much time and energy trying desperately for them to genuinely like him, but it was never enough. He was fairly certain that it never would be. Thomas was wrong, Alastair was none of the things Thomas believed him to be, he was weak and pathetic and whatever love he held inside of him was broken at its core. “You ask me why I treat the boys from school better than you treated me, but why do you? You and your friends have never given them a fraction of the grief you’ve given me, even Augustus after he hurt your sister so terribly. Why?” 

Alastair could see the defenses light behind Thomas’ eyes. “Don’t talk about Eugenia as if you know what happened!” 

Alastair looked him in the eyes without a hint of expression on his face. “I do, and I know because she told me.” 

Thomas stumbled on his words, unsure of how to respond. 

“I told you why I was cruel to you lot at school, but I did not tell you why I spread that rumor. The truth is that I was hurting and I was scared and all I wanted was for you to leave me alone, but you wouldn’t. And then Matthew came, running his mouth with his endless nonsense, poking fun at the way I looked and reminding me yet again that there is not a single person on this Earth who sees me as anything more than an afterthought. And so I repeated that rumor to him. And I repeated it again, and again, because I was angry, because when Matthew blew up my belongings, my father decided that the cost to replace them was more than simply the coinage at the shops.” Alastair inhaled, pushing away the memory of the fury in his father’s eyes when he came home that semester. 

Releasing a shaky breath, Alastair continued, “And I know. I know that wasn’t fair to him, or to you, or to your parents. But I have been trying to apologize for five months, only you decided without even hearing my apology that I did not deserve forgiveness. What now, Thomas? Now that you know my secrets, you’ve seen my scars? Do I deserve forgiveness? Do I deserve to be hated? Because truly I cannot keep track.” He gestured to the door, his voice now angry. “Who are you to decide what is deserved and undeserved? You do not get to come here and pretend like you understand me or my life. You and your friends think that you’re better than everyone else, but I have a secret for you: you are not morally superior simply because you are less broken than the rest of us. Get out of my house.” 

“Alastair-” Thomas tried, but he was cut off. 

“Leave, Thomas. And put me out of your mind. I left Charles because I did not wish to be his secret, and I will not be yours, either.” 

Thomas looked like he was about to speak, but stopped himself. He looked hurt and confused, something like a wounded puppy. Alastair would not flinch. Finally, he obliged, though he turned at the last moment. “I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice, though not ingenuine. Alastair shut and bolted the door without responding. 

Once the door was secure, Alastair sank to his knees, a million thoughts and feelings flooding his brain, from relief to anger to utter despair. Shaky breath after shaky breath, he attempted to piece the world back together again.

taglist (lmk if you want to be added and, if so, whether for every TLH fic I write or just for this series or something else): @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @doitforthecarstairs 

[alatemetanoia]

[June 9th, 2022] Seni Merayu Tuhan (The Art of Persuading God) - 120/224

We can trust a barbershop to do things with our hair without us looking at it. Why? Cause we believe in the barber. From "Lesson of Faith from a Barbershop" chapter, we realized that we can put a belief in humans, a mere creatures. There is no reason for us to not believe in the almighty God, The Creator. Sometimes, we might not understand why do we live this way? Why is it so difficult? Why are we like this? Things we want to reach are out of our sight, we run and run, but it is an endless road. But believe that God knows the best, that we don't know anything but keep loathing. Look, we won't know how many times God has saved us from the danger without us knowing. God gives us the air to breathe, water to drink, and sunlight to grow the crops for us to eat. We can't count on God's mercy, we can't.

__

"Whoever know themselves, know their Lord." is a quote by the Sufis, also the opening sentence of the chapter "Seeing God on the Mirror." The book explains it in a general way when I expect more explanation about that Sufi quote. So, I found it deficient. Nevertheless, this chapter taught about how we should look within ourselves before looking at others, for us to fight our lust, the demon inside, first. Do our best to follow Prophet Muhammad SAW.

__

Arrogant is one frightening behavior. It isn't just showing off wealth and achievements. The way we, as a human, tend to feel better than others, underestimate others, feel the rightest, reject the truth, and stop ourselves from learning are also counted as unconscious pomposity. Sometimes, we want to win, but the win doesn't mean glory. So that conceding doesn't equal loss. That's what "Giving in, Giving in to God [1]" told us. There are times in an argument when we believe we're right, trying to inform others the truth, but they refuse, no matter what.

Arrogant. Goodness, I once experienced arguing on Twitter with someone because I said something like, "because Islam in Indonesia is mostly ritual without understanding the concept, people pray and such but ignore the essence of Islam, they keep feeling the rightest and despise the others." We keep arguing. There is this saying, "the sane one back down." However, we can't be silent forever, right? (Or maybe I am the one who's actually insane). Or maybe, it's just not my place to speak from the beginning. Who am I to speak anyway.

In the chapter, there's a sentence like this: "Fanaticism towards a certain opinion isn't Islamic teaching. We were forbidden to be fanatic on one opinion because this attitude resembles the devil's teaching." How to be more controversial? Considering the growth of the caliphate movement in Indonesia. Fanaticism… Ehm.

__

"I Don't Know!" That word, yes. I remember back then when I was in university, the lecturer allowed us to write "give up" to the question that we didn't know the answer or when we were stuck with the calculation. We will still get some mercy points by writing "give up" rather than writing nonsense (The questions are essays), which results in zero points. The reason? Because by writing it like that, we admitted that we don't know. It requires courage and self-awareness. Not all people are brave enough to say "I don't know," as if saying it would be a shame and make us worth less.

__

"It's ok to hate, as Long as We Follow the Terms and Conditions." What are the ToS? You'll find it in the book, yeah. The main thing is even God has something God doesn't like. One of the conditions is that we can hate a person because of God, not to fuel our lust. I often heard the Buddhist teaching, "sabbe satta bhavantu sukhitatta," may all beings be joyful and secure (If I am not mistaken, I searched it tho). It was Buddha's discourse on loving-kindness for all beings. Based on these only, I think all religions are based on love. Even hating something should be because of love as well. What are we without love?

__

In the "Humanity Before Diversity" chapter, The content doesn't really speak about the relationship between humanity and diversity. It is more about how God upholds humanity; That God puts humanitarian value a lot on the religion's rules and practices. Where's the title come from? It's from a book title, which probably explains more about its relation with diversity. I don't know, only my assumption, haven't read that yet.

__

It said that "The Greatest Worship: Giving Happiness to Others." But how if the way to make someone happy is through a lie? The happiness that is given is all lie. That doesn't sound right to me. I always thought it's better to die than to conceal a truth? Which one is better? __

"A Syar'i Crazy Rich" more or less explained how wealth is seen in religion. We often hear to live with modesty. Also, the Sufis are known to let go of any attachment to worldly matters. One of them is wealth. However, sometimes, we need the power to implement the religion's teaching. We need the power to do good deeds, to lift up the economic system, to get a better education, etc. Pursue the world, as long as it doesn't make you blind. __

Here, in "Tretan! [2]" chapter, I once again found one of my favorite quotes. It is by Imam Ali, son of Abu Thaleb. It said, "A person is either your brother in faith or your equal in humanity." I sometimes wonder how here in Indonesia (In my opinion, of course), the power lies in the majority. Let alone equal stand in humanity, brother in faith is not even fully implemented since there are still many disputes within.

______________________________________________________________

At this point, I feel like I am writing too much. I don't have any words in the end cause I've tired out. It was meant to be a casual reading log, but I end up thinking too much and writing something like a resume for each chapter. Geez… What am I doing? Anyway, the next one should be much shorter. I'll just write anything that comes in mind when I read things. No analysis, no further thinking.

NOTE:

[1] In the original language (Indonesian), It was actually a pun with the same meaning more or less "Ngalah Itu Ng-Allah." In a right place, conceding is one way to submit to God.

[2] "Tretan!" is like a Madurese's "bro!" A way to call someone. Madurese: A local language in Indonesia where the writer came from.

[forlornmelody]

Take Your Girlfriend To Work Day

Rating: E (it’s smut with a little bit of plot thrown in)

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda

Ship: Sara Ryder/Suvi Anwar

Summary:   Sara Ryder has Concerns™ about taking Suvi with her on a mission. But she's always wanted to show her the badlands of Kadara. What could go wrong?

Linkage: clicky

Note: Written for FallingOverSideways over at @spectre-requisitions-exchange. Now that reveals have happened, I can finally share this all with you!

-*-*-*

Sara would give Suvi the entire galaxy right now. The way she stretches across the tangled sheets, the light of a distant sun making her hair glow like fire. How the light glistens on her sated body, and catches in her eyes like the pools on Kadara. It’s probably why Sara sticks her foot in her mouth while her breaths are still ragged.

“I wish you had been there with me.”

Suvi’s smile vanishes and Sara feels it like a pain in her gut. “Sorry?”

Shit. “I’m not mad.” Sara swallows, pushing an errant lock out of Suvi’s eyes. “It just would’ve been nice to have you on Kadara with me, before the vaults went online.”

“When the water was toxic with sulfuric acid?” Sufi’s brow wrinkles like it did when she poured over the Scourge data, looking for solutions to a big-ass problem. 

Just keep digging your grave and lie in it, Sara. “I mean. I loved the look on your face when you looked over the data I gathered.” Sara traces the line of Suvi’s swollen lips, smug knowing their romp made them that way. “It would have been even better for you to see it in person.”

Suvi’s lips twist as she bites the inside of them in thought. “I’m sure there’s still useful data for us. Maybe we could go together next time?”

“I would love that!” Sara rolls them so that her hands are braced on either side of Suvi’s pillow, and she peppers her face with kisses, imagining them swimming together in a hot spring, or a cold one, with bikinis on, or not. Drying off on a ridiculously large beach towel and licking that now potable water right off her--

“You’re going tomorrow, right? Maybe I could come with you.”

Sara’s lips freeze on the hollow where her neck meets her shoulder, and Suvi giggles at the slack-jawed expression she gives her. “Tomorrow?”

“Aren’t you going to Ditaeon to talk with Tate about trade?”

“...Yes.” Christmas Tate’s not what sets the Pathfinder's heart racing. It’s not his colony, either. It’s all the mayhem around it. Sara can all too easily imagine an eiroch crushing her girlfriend against a boulder or rylkor whipping her off a cliff with its tail. She needs to find a reason for Suvi to stay behind. Maybe she needs more arms training? Or they could wait until they fit her with some armor? Watch some training vids? 

“Why don’t I go with you?” Suvi trails her fingertips down Sara’s spine, and suddenly she’s spineless. 

“Sure!” Sara says brightly. This is a bad idea, isn’t it? 

----

Turns out Cora’s not much different in height or build than Suvi, so the human commando loans her a set of armor, and a manual on how to care for it. Suvi walks around in it stiffly, and Sara would find it comical were it not for how the components accentuate some of Suvi’s best features. As much as she shouldn’t, not right now, Sara can’t help but imagine removing it piece by piece as she kisses her senseless. 

“Worried about me, Ryder?” Suvi says as they make their landing. 

The airlock disengages, and Sara looks around for any sign of danger. “Just don’t lick any rocks,” she says wryly. 

“But--”

“No, Suvi.” Both her and Vetra say it together.

“Fiiine.”

-----

Suvi loves Kadara. Or maybe she loves being on the ground for a change. Either way, Dr. Suvi Anwar sits on her knees, scanning a small rock, and Sara Ryder can’t look away. The sun catches in Suvi’s flame-colored hair, making Ryder wish she had brought her here sooner. She aches at the soft smile on her face, the warm glow in her blue eyes. Ryder’s in the middle of pulling out her omni tool to take a picture when--

Sara. There are weapons warming up behind you. It appears they are aiming for you, Vetra Nix, and Dr. Anwar. I suggest-- 

“Got it, Sam.” Sara Ryder says nothing to Suvi, only dropping her in a tackle and ruining the picture-perfect moment. Actually, whatever exiles who were shooting at them ruined the moment, and the thought makes Sara’s blood boil. 

Suvi squeaks from underneath her, but she doesn’t protest, especially after the first rounds hit the rocks behind them, and their shields shimmer with the ricochets. “Pathfinder?” she whispers cautiously.

“Exiles,” Sara growls under her breath. This is not how she pictured pinning Suvi on Kadara. 

“I thought--”

“They’re still around. Still wanting to shoot us, apparently.” Sara shoves Suvi behind a bolder, and squats next to her, pulling out her pistol, and deploying her combat drone. It dashes over, firing beams at their assailants, the cool evening air warming in its wake. 

Vetra looks at Sara sideways. “Really, Ryder? A drone?”

“What? Peebee showed me how to use it last night.”

Suvi glances between them, her eyes widening. “Sara?”

“It’ll be fiiiine.” On cue, the drone crumbles to the ground. Peebee will kill her later. “Well, shit.”

“We’re doomed.” Vetra sighs, powering up her assault rifle. 

“Oh ye of little faith.” Sara switches to her shotgun, firing off shots while her biotics cool down. 

Suvi giggles, and Vetra groans. “At least one of us is having a good time.”

Ryder really shouldn’t have brought Suvi with them. A little skirmish like this rarely fazes her anymore--more like target practice than a fight worth worrying about. Waste of ammo, really. But her heart thuds in her chest and her neck and shoulders tighten up at the thought of a bullet hitting the scientist next to her. Suvi’s so gentle, and kind. She’s not made for violence like this. Sweat gathers beneath Sara’s hard suit and her under armor, and itches around her joints. Her arm aches and her temples start to throb. Just a little bit longer---

There.

One exile remains, a sharpshooter with a sniper rifle that tries to pick them off like drops of water torture. Ryder ducks back behind their bolder, counting the seconds between shots. One Andromeda...Two Andromeda...Three--

Sara Ryder charges full force into her enemy, smashing him with a nova that sends his innards flying every which way. Turning with an adrenaline-fueled, shit-eating grin on her face, Sara looks at the boulder, craning to see the look on Suvi’s face. “Not bad, huh?”

“RYDER!  MOVE!” 

The ground rumbles beneath Sara’s feet, throwing her off balance. Enemy Krogan. 

“Shit!” Ryder screams as the berserker hauls her up in the air. Blood rushing to her head, Sara looks down at the battered Krogan growling up at her. “I thought I put you down already.”

“RAAAAH.” 

“Shit’s right! I’m out of ammo.” Vetra glowers, letting out a litany of Turian words SAM can’t translate. 

Don’t panic. Just grab your pistol and--One problem. It must have fell from her holster when she left the ground. The Krogan swings her back like a wet towel. 

Don’t panic. Don’t panic. 

Her biotics won’t fire--still cooling down. Ryder’s neck and temples still flare with heat. 

Sorry, Suvi. I--

A shot rings out, and Ryder sucks in a breath, bracing for a bullet wound. 

The Krogan drops her, and Sara rolls out before his body falls on top of her. What the hell??

Her eyes meet “SUVI??”

Nudging the Krogan’s body with her toe, Suvi blows the steam off the barrel of her pistol, and holsters it. She glances down at Ryder, a shy smile on her face. “You alright, Sara?” Suvi reaches out with her hand to help her up. 

“Damn, Anwar. Didn’t know you had it in you.” Vetra comes out from behind the boulder, brushing herself off. 

Sara doesn’t take her hand, too busy doing the math in her head. “Who taught you how to shoot?”

“Drack. He took me out on Elaaden. Said it would help my skills as a geologist if I learned how to shoot rocks.”

“Of course he did.” Ryder groans as she stands, checking herself for injuries. Her shoulder throbs from being yanked around like a rag doll, but other than that. “Anything I should see Lexi about, SAM?”

My scans indicate nothing but some swelling and inflammation. Though a visit would--

“I’ll see her later, SAM.” Sara has an idea. “Hey, Vetra. I think the Nomad needs an oil change.” She walks over, rummaging through the storage compartment for a very conspicuous picnic basket. 

“The Nomad doesn’t even...oh. Yeah. I’ll get right on that.” Turians don’t roll their eyes, but the way her mandibles twitch, Ryder bets Vetra would be right now if she did. Swinging into the driver’s seat, she starts the engine, and Sara scrambles to get the storage compartment shut in time. 

“Catch ya later!”

-----

“Do you ever miss them?” Their picnic long over, Sara and Suvi stretch out on the blanket, watching the sun set. 

“My parents?”

“Yeah.”

“All the time.” Suvi stares out across the lake, and Sara gets the feeling she’s not watching the clouds change color. 

“How did you find the strength to leave them?”

Suvi says nothing, and Sara wonders if she went too far as she listens to birds call in her silence. When she finally does speak Sara strains to hear her over the lap of the shoreline. “I couldn’t stay behind when there was a whole galaxy out there to explore.” She looks at Ryder, sorrowful, but without regret in her eyes. “I was miserable when I considered staying behind. My parents could tell. I was making them miserable with me.” A small laugh escapes her mouth. “It was them who told me to go. Told me they’d miss me if I left, but they’d miss me even more if I stayed with them.” Her smile slips away, and Sara would give anything to bring it back.

Think, Ryder, think. “Nice shooting earlier. You saved my life.” Sara runs her fingers down Suvi’s cheek, holding her breath as she waits for her face to change.

The smile doesn’t come back. Suvi pulls away, looking off towards Kadara Port. “Sara, I don’t think violence suits me.”

Sara drops her hand. “Oh.”

Suvi immediately draws it back to her cheek. “Don’t get me wrong. I admire what you do--the risks you take, the hard decisions you make.” She closes her eyes, taking a settling breath. “But I’d rather make my hard decisions in a lab, not with a gun.”

“I understand.”

Biting her lip, Suvi dares to search her eyes. “You do?”

“Yeah. We’re different. I’m better out in the field kicking ass, and you’re better in the lab…. doing...sciency stuff.”

Suvi’s laugh spills from her mouth like a bubbling brook. “Ryder.”

“I mean it.” Sara takes her chin. “I don’t want you to change who you are just to please me.” She’s already nose to nose with her before Suvi realizes she’s being kissed. And Sara wouldn’t have it any other way. 

While Suvi’s usually slow to kiss back, when she does, she makes up for lost time, always. She presses in, already reaching for Sara’s hair tie, pulling her hair out of that perky ponytail and winding her fingers through her hair. The motion pulls Sara closer, tighter against her mouth and she can’t help but part Suvi’s lips with her tongue, grabbing the collar of her uniform in her fist, and holding her close. 

Their hands and mouths move like binary stars, so close, but never close enough. Sara groans in frustration as her fingers roam across Suvi’s lab coat, searching for that elusive zipper. Suvi giggles, taking her hand and guiding the zipper down with her, her eyes dark with want. As the uniform falls from Suvi’s shoulders, Sara traces her tongue across her now bare skin, smiling at her goosebumps and drinking in her sharp breaths. Each freckle pattern forms new constellations, and Sara writes the racy mythologies to go with them. 

In Suvi’s sighs and goose-bumped skin, Sara finds a paradise better than the Initiative could have ever hoped for. She unhooks her bra, and finds the path between her breaths, scanning the terrain with her eyes and making contact with her hands. Suvi arches into her touch, and Sara smiles against her skin. “You mean the world to me, you know that?”

Suvi opens her mouth, but her sweet nothing is lost in her moan as Sara’s lips close around her tit. She should really take her time. They have little to interrupt them here, with the Tempest far away and Sam scanning the perimeter for trouble. But it’s been days since Sara had the chance to make love to the center of her universe, and so she dives headfirst into the gravity well, pulling the rest of Suvi’s uniform down with her. 

“I’ve missed you,” Sara whispers, trailing her lips down Suvi’s stomach. 

“Ryder. You see me every day.” 

“Not the same thing, and you know it.” Sara gives her a pointed look, and she can’t help but smile at Suvi’s parted lips. She sits up, running her fingertips up and down Suvi’s thighs, outside and inside, gently nudging them apart. 

Suvi sucks in her breath, and Sara pats her skin as she leans down. “Breathe, Suvi. I swear the air here is safe.” 

“Shh, you.” Suvi chuckles. 

Sara breathes in the scent of her pubis mons, grinning wickedly. “Make me.”

Suvi’s eyes widen, and for a moment Sara wonders if she should apologize, but then Suvi’s fingers grip her by her ponytail, pressing her between her legs and it is glorious. Holy shit holy shit holy shiiiiiiit. She never took Suvi for a dominant one, but Sara definitely want to explore more of this side of her. Tasting her, Sara gives her folds those nice long licks that Suvi loves so much. Her pushup routine comes in handy as her lover writhes beneath her. Just as Suvi starts to moan louder, Sara pulls back to wet her finger.

“Is this too much?” Suvi asks breathlessly. 

Her own mouth feels dry, and Sara reaches over to gulp some water from her cannister. “Not at all. Keep going.” She blushes at her own words. 

Suvi pushes her hands away, sitting up. Sara blinks, watching her go. “Actually, I have new experiment I want to run by you.” Grabbing Sara’s shoulders, Suvi presses her onto her back. 

Laughing, Sara replies. “Oh? What’s your hypothesis?”

“That you’ll love me sitting on your face.” Suvi’s cheeks redden as much as her hair. 

“Mm, that’s hard to quantify.” Sara smudges her lips together playfully. “But we can try it.”

Suvi crawls over her, and Sara groans as her scent overwhelms her senses. She whispers her name into her folds, sliding one finger, then two into her warmth. Gasping, Suvi grinds against her, gripping the top of her head. Sara fingers faster and harder, sucking on her clit until Suvi’s nails dig into her scalp and she calls out her name. 

The sun’s far too bright when Suvi rolls off her. “Holy shit. Holy shit,” Sara swears breathlessly. 

“Mmhm.” Suvi kisses her sloppily, running her hand down Sara’s side. “And what are...mm... our findings? 

Sara laughs into the crook of her neck. “I think your hypothesis may be right. But further tests are needed.”

“Mm.” Suvi presses a finger to her lips, looking up at the clouds as if the answer might be found there. “Perhaps we should increase our sample size?”

That notion jolts Sara off her back. “You mean like a threesome?”

“No!” Suvi laughs so loudly Sara swears the whole valley can hear them. “I meant you. Sitting on mine.” 

“Oh.” Sara stretches. “Maybe next time.” She kisses the pout right off Suvi’s lips. “Right now, I want to kiss you while you…” She grasps Suvi’s hand, guiding it between her legs. “While you…. demonstrate your expertise on the subject.”

“Sara!” Suvi shakes her head in mock humility. “I’m hardly an expert.”

Sara leans over, stealing another heated kiss. “Then maybe you should…” She can’t help her laugh. “....do a more in-depth study?” Their laughs sink into moans as Suvi trace and probes between Sara’s legs, putting just the right amount of pressure to make her beg. 

Suvi grins against her mouth, teasing her long and light, until Sara’s gripping her so hard, she swears she’ll leave bruises. Thank the stars Suvi wears long sleeves. “You like it rough, Sara?”

“Yes, please. Please.” 

Suvi’s teeth graze the skin of her neck in reply, hooking her fingers inside her and beckoning her to come undone. 

Maybe it’s minutes, maybe it’s hours later, when Sara’s always pushing Suvi’s bangs out of her eyes just to watch them fall again. “Y’know. I definitely learned something today.”

“What’s that?”

“I should bring you planetside more often.”

[rest-in-being]

Sufi psychology Part 2 - Sufis and Human Energy centres.

1) Latifat-an-Nafsi (the Lower self): According to some, this Latifa-e-Nafsi is located slightly below the (Navel and is Yellow), for others, it is between the (Eyebrows and is Blue) and Its energies are increased by Meditation. Nafs is usually translated as self or psyche. Its etymology is rooted in "breath" the basic visible process of breathing with energizing principle that confers existence to an individual human being. Some Sufis consider under the term "Nafs" the entirety of psychological processes, encompassing whole mental, emotional and volitional life. However, the majority of Quranic-based Sufis are of the opinion that Nafs is a "lower", egotistical and passionate human nature which, along with Tab (literally, physical nature), comprises vegetative and animal aspects of human life. Synonyms for Nafs are devil, passion, greed, avarice, ego-centeredness etc. The central aim of the Sufi path is transformation of Nafs (technical term is "Tazkiya-I-Nafs"' or "Purification of the soul'") from its deplorable state of ego-centredness through various psycho-spiritual stages to the purity and submission to the will of God. Ego may be assumed as an equivalent for Nafs in modern psychology. Sufi orders have adopted convenient 7 maqāms or levels (maqāms are permanent stages on the voyage towards spiritual transformation), some still work with 3 levels or stages, at that stage one is a Wali -Saint. The beginning of our entrance into the school of Sufism, we must learn about seven levels of being. These seven levels are like grades in any educational system which one must pass through in order to graduate. In our system, however, evaluations are made by a Higher Authority than the teacher. Passing and failing grades are made known through real dreams, through the interpretation of which the teacher gives new responsibilities and duties to the seeker. But what is most important is that the seeker himself should be able to realize his own states so that he can live up to the next level to which he aspires. Obviously, first it is necessary that he be conscious, aware of his character and actions, and be sincere in looking at himself. But it is also necessary to thoroughly know the characteristics of each level, especially the level in which he is presumed to be, and the next level, in which he hopes to be. The Sufi's journey begins with; 1. Nafs al-Ammara (Inciting to evil self) 2. Nafs al Lawwamah (Reproachful self) 3. and ends in Nafs al Mulhimah (Inspired Self) (at this stage one is a Wali -Saint) But others travel further some Sufis's final stage is Nafs al-Kamila-(The Perfect Self) also called Nafs Safiyah wal-kamilah (soul restful and perfected). 4. Nafs al Mutmainnah-(Tranquil Self) 5. Nafs ar Radiyyah-(Content Self) 6. Nafs al Mardiyyah-(Pleasing Self) 7. Nafs al-Kamila-(Perfect Self) We should study the characteristics of the seven levels of being(Nafs) and try to see where we are. Hopefully this attempt will increase our efforts to reach the next highest level, and will make us careful not to revert to a lower level. Man has two souls. One is called Ruhu Hayvani, the animal soul, and the other is Ruhu Insani, the human soul. The animal soul is a created, refined substance which controls life, mind, senses, feelings, emotions, will, and movement of the physical body. And our being, which relates to this animal soul, is called the “animal self,” the self ruled by the desires of our flesh or Nafsi Ammara, the evil commanding self which is the first and lowest of the seven levels of being. Nafsi Ammara is a manifestation of the animal soul in man, while the six steps above the evil commanding ego are the development of the human soul, which is also called the Nafsi Natiqa, the being who can communicate with speech, or the Rational Being. In a Nut Shell The next six levels are: 1. Nafsi Lawwama, when man hears the voice of his conscience and tries to resist his carnal desires; 2. Nafsi Mulhima, when man receives direct instructions through inspirations from his Lord; 3. Nafsi Mutmainna, when man is freed of self-indulgence and finds peace and tranquility in his state of piety and obedience to his Lord; 4. Nafsi Radiyya, when man accepts all that happens to him without any resentment or pain, and when good and bad become equal to him, and he is pleased with his lot; 5. Nafsi Mardiyya when man assumes the Divine Attributes, leaving his materiality, and 6. Nafsi Safiyya, when man reaches the purity of perfect harmony. ========================== 1- Nafsi Ammara In this first level of the development of man, the rational self and human conscience have been defeated by lust and carnal desires. At this stage, our self does not recognize any rational or moral barriers to get what it wants. It expresses itself in selfishness, arrogance, ambition, stinginess, envy, anger, cynicism, laziness and stupidity. Originally, nafs, ones self, identity, ones own personality and reality, is one of the Creator’s gifts to man. But because we allow it to lean towards material values, to take pleasure only in worldly life, and because we succumb to fleshly lusts, it has turned ugly and become almost animal-like, while its shape remains that of a human being. It is a fauve camouflaged in the appearance of man, a mad wild animal which bites and claws itself as well as others. This ego is our private devil, our worst enemy, who is living inside us, dominating and tyrannizing us and keeping our human soul imprisoned and forgotten in the depths of our subconscious. If we are fortunate enough to be led by a guide to seek a better state, then the devil whispers in our ear: “What business do you have to be on this path? Don’t you see that everyone who was on this Path sooner or later died? All that remains of them is a few words. I know that you want the Truth, but where are the wise ones who would be able to teach you anything? Show me a single saintly man who receives revelations, who can show miracles! They belonged to another time. Now is the time of facts, of science, of prosperity, and the good life. If you want to be religious – all right! Go to the mosque, pray, fast, and pray that the spirits of these holy men of the past help you, for there is no teacher alive worth your while!” Thus the devil hides the truth. Kufr, infidelity, means covering, hiding in Arabic. Kafir, the infidel, means the one who hides something. The devil conceals the fact that at all times there are perfect men in the world and worthy teachers who can lead one to salvation. But if the seeker pays any attention to the insinuations of the devil, he suffers doubt about his teacher, he is called away from the Path, his efforts are slowed down, and he will lend his ear to the whispers of the accursed devil again. This time he will say, “Allah is forgiving, count on His Mercy; He does not dislike people who do things which He permits. Be kind to yourself and don’t tyrannize yourself. If you are kind towards your ego and give it things it wants, then it will obey you!” If the seeker is fooled by these temptations, he will start having doubts; he will then be unclear as to whether things are lawful or unlawful, whether they are right or wrong. When that happens, he is more likely to opt for the unlawful, since it is usually more pleasing to the senses. And the more his senses are satisfied, the more his heart will be blinded and hardened, and the more he will be led towards evil. On the level of the evil commanding ego, all these influences are very heavy. To get out from under them, someone strong has to hold you by your hand and extricate you. It is very difficult if not impossible to do it by yourself. But through Allah’s help, you may hear the voice of reason which says, “To do what Allah permits one to do out of His Mercy, instead of doing that which He orders us to do, is the profession of creatures who are lazy.” For the true servants of Allah, it is an obligation to live according to the rules of Shariat and the ideals of the Tariqat. And if we either follow this rational decision, which is an undeserved gift of Allah Most High, or we are rescued from our misery by a strong teacher, then we may rise to the second level of Nafsi Lawwama. Thus the soul is pulled out from the dark dungeon of the ego to the light of conscience, and we will see our arrogance being transformed into humility, vengefulness and hate into love, anger into kindness, lust into chastity. . . If Allah so wills.

[tawakkull]

ISLAM 101: Spirituality in Islam: Part 193

Basira and Firasa (Insight and Discernment)

Literally meaning perception, intelligence, discretion, evidence, and witness, insight (basira) is defined as having an eye of the heart open, deep perception, an ability to see consequences just at the beginning of an act, or foresight. Insight acquires a different, deeper dimension among Sufis. It is considered the sole source of spiritual knowledge obtained through reflective thought and inspiration, the first degree in the spirit’s perception of the reality of things; and a power of conscience that discerns and establishes values originating in the spirit, whereas reason becomes entangled in colors, forms, and qualities. It is also a power of perception so sharpened by the light of nearness to the Divine Being that, when other powers of perception become exhausted by imaginings, it acquires great familiarity with mysteries lying behind things and, without any guide or evidence, reaches the Truth of the Truths, where reason is bewildered.

Seeing is one of the luminous Attributes of God Almighty, and one’s insight, as declared in: We have shared among them (43:32), is proportionate to one’s ability to receive the manifestations of this Attribute. The greatest portion belongs to the one who, having benefited from that Divine Source to the fullest, poured his inspirations into the hearts of his followers, namely the Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings. He is the most polished mirror of the Truth’s manifestations, and is unequaled in receiving them. The Divine declaration: Say: This is my path. I call to God on clear evidence and by insight, I and whoever follows me (12:108) points to the greatness of the share of that Divine gift belonging to the prince of the Prophets and his followers.

This matchless perceptiveness allowed that holy traveler on the path of Ascension to reach in one breath the realms beyond corporeal existence, which those devoid of even the least perception regard as dark or unknown or categorically deny. He studied those realms like a book, and traveled on the “slopes” of the Unseen where the archetypal tablets are exhibited and the melodies of the pens of Destiny, which make one’s heart jump, thrilled him. He visited Paradise accompanied by heavenly male and female servants, and received a Divine welcome with the breaths of two bows’ length, or even nearer (53:9), at a point where space and location are undefined or undifferentiated.

The pleasure of observance given by insight sometimes acquires a new, deeper dimension when the believer begins to discern and discover the spiritual dimension and meanings of things and events. His or her spirit experiences other dimensions in this three-dimensional realm, and his or her conscience becomes the eye of existence with which it sees, as well as its pulse and intellect.

In addition to perception and understanding, discernment (firasa) denotes the deepening of insight when perception becomes a source of certain knowledge. Those who discern the manifestations of the light of God, the Truth, own such a radiance that they see everything, every issue, in its full clarity. They are never confused, even when encountering the most intricate, similar elements, and are not lost in particularities. Seeing at the same time, for example, sugar with the sugar cane and hydrogen and oxygen with water, they refrain from all deviation (e.g., pantheism and monism) and recognize the Creator however He is, and the created however it is.

From the face of each individual believer to the face of the universe, every point, word, and line in existence is a meaningful message, even a book, for those to whom the verse: Surely in this are signs for those having insight and discernment (15:75) refers. Those who can look at existence from a point stated in the Prophetic Tradition of: Fear the discernment of a believer, for he sees with the light of God, [1] make contact with reality, become familiar with the invisible side of existence, and, revealing the real face of everything, shed light on events. While some spend their lives in “black holes” they are enraptured with increasing pleasures on Paradise-like “slopes.”

For one endowed with such discernment, existence is a book of countless pages, with each animate or inanimate part of creation being a word shining with thousands of meanings, and the face of existence and each person expressing many hidden realities. Those of true spirituality see such things in the “verses” of that book and in the luminous “phrases” of those verses, and receive from them messages that even the greatest minds among the non-believers are unable to discern. The unimaginable surprises awaiting believers in the other world are according to the rank of each, and are revealed to them together with all the spiritual pleasure that they give.

[1] Al-Tirmidhi, “Tafsir al-Qur’an” 6.

[iamnotthat]

10 song challenge

Rules: tag 10 songs you can’t stop listening to and then tag 10 people Thanks for the tag @incurablescribbler and @medhasree<3

I will be doing 15 because I am extra like that 

1) Ishq Zahenaseeb OST- I haven’t been in peace since the day I heard this song. The soft vocals and the amazing lyrics. I love the blend of the modern romantic vibe with the sufi part. Fav lyrics “Main tabah hua, main fana hua. Mera rom jalke swah hua. Tadap meri kuch aur shadeed, tadap meri kuch aur shadeed”

2) Kehna hi kya- Bombay- Classic AR Rehman. Fav lyrics “Sitam thoda thoda hum pe shokh hawa bhi kar jaye. Aise chale, aanchal ude, dil mein ek toofan uthe. Hum toh lut gaye khade hi khade.

3) Supermassive Blackhole- Muse This song always makes me want to pick a fight with someone! Fav lyrics everytime Matt Bellamy says ohhhhh you set my soul alight. *fans self* *takes deep breath*

4) Alif OST- Again the vocals by Shuja Haider and Momina Mushtehsan. My fav lyrics in this song is probably just all of it. The song explains the relationship between God and human so well. 

5) Amaro Porano Jaha Chay- From stories by Rabindranath Tagore- This is the Arijit Singh version. I don’t understand the lyrics but love the way this song is sung and the melancholic feel of the song. Also it fit in so well with the story of the episode

6) Lahu Muh Lag Gaya- Ramleela And at the 6th song my chichora side has come out. If the word coquettish was made into a song it would be this song. Full disclosure I never cared much for this song in the movie I liked it after I saw a clip of YRHPK with Shaheer and Rhea doing nain mataka to this song. Fav lyrics: Bhatak rahi hai aankh yeh malang ang ang ang. Atak gayi hai saans uske sang sang sang”

7) Channa- Atif Aslam- Coke studio- As much as I rail on Atif Aslam for singing out of scale when he does get it right its downright a delight. The softness in his voice in this song is so soothing and just makes me go weak in the knees. The mix of Punjabi lyrics and western classical arrangement works so well in this song. Whoever came up with the arrangement is a genius. Fav lyrics  “ Loon Loon vich teri, deed ravan ve,Nahi reh sakdi tere bina ve” 

8) Jai Jai Girivar Raj Kishori- From Siya Ke Ram. If there is anything that this show got right it was music and aesthetics. This song with the way this shot is set up, classic.Any version of Ram and Sita meeting for the first time for me is just has my heart soar. Fav lyrics: the entire end when the tempo goes up.

9) Pompeii- Basitille- This song just reminds me of my time in London. Times that I really miss a lot. It also has the line which is basically as a question I ask myself all the time “ how am I gonna be an optimist about this?”

10) Do I wanna know- Arctic Monkeys- Alex Turner’s voice is probably the most sensual thing in the world for me. I love the vibe of this song and the whole song is brilliantly written.

11) Paradise- Coldplay - I can not have a song tag without this song. I feel like this song symbolizes my need to move from one place to another ( Along with Kabira). Fav lyrics : I love all of the lyrics but I love the way he sings “lying underneath the stormy skies, she says oh I know the sun must set to rise”

12) Kabira- Yeh Jawani Hai Diwani ( both versions)- This song is just so bittersweet and sings about people who are constantly on the move to find something that feels right. Fav lyrics: “Ban liya apna pigambar, Tar liya tu aat samandar. Phir bhi sukha man ke andar kyun reh gaya”

13) Train song- Gully boy- This song is so wholesome and upbeat. Fav lyrics;  ““Sapne Jinme Ho Aisi Ho Teri Aankhe Payaar Mein Jinme Ho Aisi Hi Teri Baate Jin Umide Ho Aise Tere Din Ho Chain Ho Jin Mein Aisi Hi Teri Rate”

14) Kajar Bin Kaare- Karsh Kale ft Sulaiman Merchant. When this song says ghayal kiyo jiya ra re, that is how I feel about this whole song. The lyrics and vocals are amazing but my favorite is the musical arrangement and how much fun all the people are having while playing this song. The flute bit always gives me goosebumps. Love it.

15) Mathura Nagarpathi- Raincoat- I don’t know how I have never heard of this song up until this year and now it’s one of my favorites. Shubha Mudgal can never go wrong with vocals and is as stunning as ever. The best thing for me is obviously the lyrics, so heart-wrenching and aptly describing the pain of being away from a loved one/place. It gives me all the Krishna struggling to be human while being a god feels.

Anyways I went way over but I just have a lot of feelings about music okay!! What do these songs tell about me? Well if someone figures it out do let me know lol!

Tagging @demonkidpliz @cursedbabyclown @uwu-bro @youandthemountains @nihilisticdebate @allegoriesinmediasres @randomfandomtraveller @anandamayenu @m0hinii and whoever else comes across this and wants to do it!

Stay safe guys!

[wisdomrays]

WASIL (One Who Has Attained or Reached): Part 1

Literally meaning one who has reached the final point in a journey or who has met with the one or the thing that one intends to reach, wasil, in Sufi terminology, denotes one who, having been saved from all the veils of corporeality and carnality one after the other, and who has covered all the distances that originate from themselves, has reached the final point of their journey, where they feel and experience the company of God Almighty, Who is the nearest of all to everyone and every thing.

Surmounting all the veils of corporeality that surround a human being, one within the other, and reaching the horizon of experiencing God’s company is possible sometimes by God’s special help and attention, sometimes by special knowledge of God, sometimes by the serious endeavors and efforts made during a spiritual journey, sometimes by following a path in which we admit our innate impotence and poverty, as well as our enthusiasm and thankfulness, and sometimes by extraordinary Divine attraction. All of these means of reaching the final point of the spiritual journey are the manifestations of God’s grace on different wavelengths. Without His grace and special attention, a traveler can neither be saved from the veils of corporeality and carnality nor cover the distances that originate from themselves to reach the intended horizon. God is the One Who is the nearest of all to everyone and every thing, and it is He Who also brings those who strive to reach Him for His sake closer to Himself. Unless God brings us near, no one can feel the delight, which is called meeting, nor can they experience His company.

When God manifests His grace, He makes everything easy;

He creates the means of doing it and bestows it instantly.

Anonymous

Common people can experience such a meeting or its shadow when they go to the other world with belief. However, there may be among them those who are drawn to the realms beyond through an extraordinary grace and who are favored with special compliments.

As for the elect who are God’s noble, greatly favored servants, they traverse the distances that originate in themselves while they are still in the world, feeling as if they are experiencing the truth of We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (50:16) from the horizon of the observation of the heart and spirit, each according to the degree of their conviction and knowledge of God and their place in God’s sight. They breathe God’s company in their inner world.

There are others who are more advanced than the elect. They are the heroes of special favor and attention. They observe such things from the horizon of the spiritual intellect and through the mysterious windows of “secret,” beyond all modalities of quality and quantity and beyond the limits of time and space, that they have neither been seen by other eyes nor heard by other ears nor conceived of by other minds. We can describe these as the heroes who state: “If the veils between were removed, my certainty would not increase.”

If these heroes have reached that highest rank by following a spiritual path, then they are journeying “in God.” They rotate like satellites around the lights and mysteries of the Ultimate Truth, increasing more and more in profundity with every attempt they make, and even though they have realized the meeting with the One of all eternity, their journey toward Him is never-ending. They constantly pursue observations beyond “ certainty of knowledge,” continuously seek visions that lie beyond “ certainty of observation,” and experience intoxicating pleasures through the manifestations reflected in their world of spirit that emanate from the door that has been partially opened on “ certainty of experience.”

This peak of spirituality is where every hero of truth comes to see, know, hear, and experience the mysteries that belong to the realms beyond, and clearly discovers and witnesses the original essence and nature of everything animate or inanimate and their relationship with the Creator; in addition they are aware of the fact that everything belongs to Him, subsists with Him, and is bound to return and on the way of returning to Him. Those who are able to observe existence from this peak clearly see what is light and what is of light, what is separation and what is union, what is the pang of separation and what is the delight of reunion, what is transient and who is eternal, what is bound to decay and what is permanent. They confirm the truth of their theoretical knowledge on the basis of witnessing, observation, and experience.

Since this peak is also the horizon from which the Prophets, pure, saintly scholars, and saints observe and monitor the realms beyond, it is such an awe-inspiring and delightful area of special study for the heroes of meeting with God that it is impossibly difficult for there to be another Divine favor in the world equal to it. Reaching this point is a supreme attainment and rank; the favors that emanate from there are many and multifarious, and the point itself is where the world and the Hereafter are observed together. However, the hero of meeting who is distinguished with such degree of Divine attention and favors is and should be extremely reticent about the favors with which they have been honored, and is absolutely modest. They try to conceal their relationship with God even from their own eyes. Just as Divine Grandeur and Dignity require that there to be veils before the acts of God’s Power in the corporeal world, so too, the one who has reached the final point of journeying toward God and has been established there should not reveal the gifts that emanate at the peak of meeting with God. Even while they continue their relationships with the realms beyond the peak, they should frequently look down at the first step of the stairway which they have used to rise to that level and sigh in the consideration of: “We have not been able to know You as knowing You requires, O the All-Known!”, thus admitting their inability to worship God as the duty of worshipping God requires. As a result of this realization, they say: “We have not been able to worship You as worshipping You requires, O the All-Worshipped!” Thinking: “Why am I blessed with these Divine compliments and consideration even though I have never done anything to deserve them?”, the traveler should consider that whatever favor they have been honored with is purely a Divine gift.

If one with true knowledge of God, whose eyes are fixed only on the lights and mysteries beyond the Names and Attributes, attempts to reveal the Divine mysteries that they have perceived, they will not only be stunted, but will also cause shock and astonishment in the spirits of others. For this reason, such a person keeps their love and yearning buried in their bosom as something secret that has been entrusted to them, and they never reveal, nor are they permitted to reveal, the mysteries that belong to the realms beyond to those who have not yet been able to surpass themselves.

[bhushita]

Dear B., I deeply admire your writing. I don't visit this space often. However whenever I do, I am in awe of how carefully you weave your responses. Thank you for sharing. I don't have a question. However I do remember reading on your blog about sanyaas and being a sanyaasin. In a times like ours, I would just like to hear your thoughts about what has that journey meant for you. Does the word, in itself, help contain the multitudes we are? Are there times when you feel distant from it? Love, M.

Hello M, : )

Well, I was a sanyasin and lived in a commune for good eleven years. It was a significant part of my composition. However, I moved out of the place and actually got rid of the ritualistic part of it about four years ago. This doesn’t take away the fact that the experience in itself was an enriching one for me but I grew out of it. It was reassuring to have a cocoon around and a guru, who literally could answer all your questions but beyond a point, I had experiences which couldn’t be contained in answers or by the comfort of a herd. My anguish  grew louder and I felt increasingly alienated from myself. I had become a devotee with ready made answers for everything. I could parrot repeat things. But I lacked authenticity. I lacked courage; courage to admit my loneliness. I was pretending to be happy and happiness or joy is the currency in spiritual groups. The more joyous you are, the more advanced a seeker you are. And I started pretending to the extent that I lost touch with myself. Some nights, when everyone was asleep and the facade of spirituality gently eroded into the darkness of night, I tried to recoil into myself. But there was no self, no nothing anymore. I was just a phantom, an echo of something I didn’t understand. It was frightening and I can only approximate that sense of emptiness in words. 

I couldn’t muster up courage to admit this for many years and I gradually started withering. Literally. I was like a limp flower, weakened by every drop of dew that breathed life into other flowers. I was disconnected from my roots. And one not so fine day, I just walked out of the commune, leaving behind everything I had built carefully for eleven years. I was on the road again, with nothing to call my own. I had woken upto the fact that there is no God, at least not in the sense, that organized religions try to sell. There are no answers. There is anguish, there is suffering everywhere, and this is a precondition to being a human. One must find one’s purpose amidst this chaos and not by projecting a pantheon of imaginary gods or gurus. Life is too vast even for any religion. We don’t understand, nobody does and its okay. 

I was utterly lost, bereft of faith, gods, community, I walked, ate and slept with my loneliness. Boundless. That stretched everywhere. Now looking back, I am stunned that I could come out of it at all. But at that time, it felt unbeatable. And nevertheless, I shunned any comfort. I was determined to be with this sense of emptiness than find another imaginary comfort again. 

But slowly, beauty has started speaking to me again. In flowers, in clouds, in rivers, through humans. I am becoming a devotee again, but this devotion is the devotion to life itself. So, I still consider myself a sanyasin in that I still have a great deal of respect for simplicity and renunciation, but I am my own guru and I am my own disciple. Or in the words of sufi, I am myself the lover and the beloved. My life, I hope, will be an ibaadat. But I worship none. 

[11toe11-blog]

ennegrams of eye

I enter for insight and grace of truth

----

Not so easy to come to the paper today. Though it was much easier to meet the body today. And both last night. 

Was watching a video yesterday on Ennegram and Non Duality

https://youtu.be/ajoce4FqH2s , i sense this realm of AND. The realm of AND is both the realms of confusion and clarity. When the binaries of right and wong dissolves. To keep holding on to the  steady gaze of the observer as colours flood in , is keeping the nose above the water and the vantage at the brink, to be able to see both the worlds. 

How does one not give into confusion?

How does one keep finding clarity?

One does by maintaining one's intention for it, i suppose.

AND in Theatre

Our Theatre put out this animation Pyade- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJkuoLIqszo&t=25s. Of pawns having a conversation. About wanting a shot at the King. A chaaver. To take the place of the king. ANd it is a perspective i have instinctively subscribed to. But today, maybe another vantage opens up. I also see the evolution of systems to maximise chances of collective survival. “The king” then is the epitome of the evolution of the culture - of body, mind,  and essence; hence is guarded. Is trusted to choose for the collective as the wisest/strongest visionary among them. 

As i understand the logic of the system now, i also simultaneously see the pawn. Wanting a shot at the throne.Maybe for pure ideas of power. Or believes that the person occupying the throne of the leader is not the fittest/epitome that the culture has produced; and for the onward progress of the collective, must be replaced by someone else who is the wisest/strongest visionary. 

How does one decide who the strongest/wisest to administer the flow of energy of power?-- is the realm of politics. 

Now when i watch the animation - i only hope the pawn has worked and developed his body/mind/essence to replace the king. A case of envy or retribution, or simple craving for power - doesn't entitle one to lead. It takes a vastness of essence. 

Obviously, i am not alluding to the recent crop of leaders or corrupt kings and queens as the benchmark and reference. Maybe I speak more of the principle of the apex. 

A Raja/Rani must be from the realms of AND. Not either or.

And if one can dream much further than that, everyone who is part of the culture is far well-developed in body/mind/essence that anyone can be “King”. Can take turn, by the week , by the day, by the year, by the moment, and perform the duties and experience the king-ness. Then the title is no matter, just the function of the moment.

In theatre, does it translate to a space where it is not that there is no protagonist, if i stretch it,  then no one identifies as actor or director- for it matters not who is playing the role - because everyone is equally able to don any of the roles? 

Wishful thinking? Where then lies the blindspot?

___

A friend shared Matham vitta pennu https://youtu.be/DROFI65Y-ag

Such a reminder of the time spent in kerala. And more importantly the innocence and freedom of the spirit that seeks its true free Self, unafraid. 

__

And thats what leads to the Ennegram and Non Duality subject.

Every religion is an experience and insight, that is trying pass through time  - as the route back to the source. Within every religion is a collection of multiple of these routes and processes, “kriyas” as the sufi called them while being interviewed by Kabir Project. And every religion is as relevant time the times the intelligence of its practitioners. If the religion is seen as the anchor - then the practitioner is looking at the finger not the moon.  For the gaze to leave the finger and trace its path to the moon, is to reach the source through the realm of the unknown. Not easily done. Fear and confusion is part of the experience. But the eyes is at somepoint does leave the finger, and make that journey to the moon alone, sooner or later. Those still looking at the fingertips wont get it. Till they too take off from the fingertips.

How am i saying it? I dont know. Its not purely intellectual. Its not purely experiential either. 

From No to Yes to AND

From Yes to No to AND

From Yes to AND

From No to AND

Are all valid. For its a circle. ANd not a line. 

(screenshotfrom the same talk)

Structures of all kinds are about the finger tip. Governments, Religions, they serve their purpose only so far as pointing. And if corrupt are capable of pointing the opposite way too. 

In the realm of AND, they all are included, but they are not it. 

The truth we seek is a freedom.

The truth i seek is totally absolutely free, and cannot be contained by any fingertips. That i sense, and i am certain of. 

Maybe it can flow as stream through the centre of palms joined.

Maybe it can rest in the quietness of an open palm. 

My fingers are learning to point less. 

Pointless.

 Brings us to the gaze. The eye. The point. The centre.

From the book on Embryonic Breathing in QiGong by Dr. Yang, Jwing-Ming...

“Your Shen resides in the Upper Dan Tian (i.e. brain} When you concentrate on The Third Eye, the Shen can be fìrmed. Firm here means to keep and to protect. 

When someone's mind is scattered and confused, his Shen wanders. This is called "Shen Bu Shou She" ( 神 不 守 舍 ~ which means "the spirit is not kept at its residence." According to Qigong t h e o町 "though your Xin (Emotional M i n d ， 心 ) is able to raise up your spirit, this mind can also make your Shen confused, so that it leaves its residence. You must constantly engage your Yi (Wisdom Mind) to restrain and con-trol your Shen at its residence.”

“To nourish the body by using medicine is not as good as by eating food; eating food is not as good as being nourished by Qi.”

“Physically, beneath the skin is the skull, and underneath it is the frontal sinus. Both the skull and the skin can block much of the energy which is emitted from or received by the brain.”

The eye, the inner eye at the back of the eyes, are on slippery slope. Forever enticed to one one side on the other at all time.  The associations pointed out in that image is true even when ones eyes are closed. For eg, that time when im just waking up and i can notice which direction the thoughts appear from, it all streams in from one side or the other.