#99% of my clips are clips I post because I like them and I know they're for the community

[royalarchivist]

Amouranth: ...What happened to the dumpy? Oh, I guess that was Carrera (Carre).

Amouranth: Ruben, why do you– why do you look like Shaggy mixed with Peter Pettigrew? What happened? [She keeps going back to the picture and staring at it with growing concern] This is a pass– this picture is a pass! Wtf...

Rubius only has 3 looks: magazine model, cosplayer, or gamer shrimp.

[bengiyo]

BL 2023 Review

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to write about BL for this year. I was originally going to do a The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly framework for it, but that feels meaner than I actually am about it. Instead, I think I’ll just write out some sections and unpack some things I felt along the way.

I Watched Too Much Again

Last year I engaged with about 92 productions around the world. This year it was 99 (I tracked stuff I completed here). Sure I dropped 18 of them this year, but goddamn. The problem with watching as much as I did this year is that I worked full time this year and also maintained a separate hobby. I also continued my twice-weekly watch sessions with my friend Emily, so there are an additional 100-ish watch sessions in here of rewatching, plus a few other rewatches (Theory of Love and My Ride most notably).

One of my struggles at this point is I’m far too familiar with the genre, and find myself feeling impatient and irritable with shows that aren’t to my taste the way I used to. Throughout the late summer and fall I found myself increasingly grumpier about the genre, and it didn’t get better until I had a holiday and basically slept a day to get some energy back. I also found myself growing apart from fans I’ve known and followed a long time. It’s been a difficult year for me as a long-time fan because my tastes, habits, and friendships in the genre have changed even if the amount I watch hasn’t really.

I Wrote a Lot This Year

I recently converted my watch tag away from my gaming internet persona to just my shortname, so all near-1000 of my Stray Thoughts posts can be found under #ben watches now. I’ve also been going back and adding #ben writes to some of the standalone pieces that I really liked. In reviewing them, the pieces I’m happiest about are my ode to Framboise from Kabe Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to Be Recognized, my post begging everyone to watch La Pluie, my post about what it means to actually like queer men, my SBS ep 10 post that ended up being wrong, my post about the Lavender Scare and Be My Favorite, my Tokyo in April is… post about the breaking of the BL line,

However, the two posts I am most proud of is my half-joking response about why I think tagging each other back and forth across Tumblr in our writing is so important. and The Knowing: Being Queer in BL because I had so much great conversations with folks as a result of both of these posts.

Looking back at my own blog, this is probably the most active I’ve been in my entire time on this website, so thank you to everyone who interacted with me this year, because it really is people talking to me that gets me most inspired to write things down. Big shout out to @lurkingshan who will bug me repeatedly until I blog something that I said in passing.

We Started a Podcast!

After hanging out with @shortpplfedup since Bad Buddy, she got inspired and really wanted to bring something different to the BL podcasting sphere. I had time, and liked talking with her enough, so we started @the-conversation-pod. Now we’re a full year into it and planning out future stuff. It’s been so much fun being able to get things off my soul and break poor NiNi in our recording sessions.

From this year, I think my favorite episodes we did were The Moonlight Chicken Episode, the Eighth Sense episode, the ITSAY Anniversary Episodes,  The Wedding Plan episode, , and The Holiday Clip Show. Huge shout out to @ginnymoonbeam for anchoring the transcription process, and @lurkingshan for editing.

The VIIB Awards will begin airing soontm so look forward to that.

Favorite New Term: Business Gay Performance

Let’s be clear, Bump Up Business is not good. It is an obvious BL cash grab from OnlyOneOf that seeks to comment on the fake nature of BL while doing everything it can to trick the audience into believing that the BL pair is real.

Before we got deeper into this year, I was a big fan of a certain pairing, and then their fans took it too far and it affected the way I engaged with their performances and their work. I like that we have a new term for “fanservice” that communicates that you understand that this is for work. (thanks to NiNi for this comparison) I can look at the latest behind the scenes video from Last Twilight and say that I think Sea really understands the work they’re doing, and he and Jimmy have a very relaxed and mature version of BGP without feeling like I’m feeding into shipping.

Do I think they’re dating? No. Do I like the way they fake it? Absolutely!

I can look at one of @respectthepetty posts about Yin and War having personalized, color-coded mics, and we can talk about the next level BGP between the two and both communicate that we know that this is a performance.

It actually makes the extra PR work fun for me again, because now I can just shout “BGP! BGP! BGP!” and it not feel like I’m giving myself brainrot.

Thai BL Needs to Finish Stronger Next Year

Let’s get into some of the show stuff. This year was defined for me by Thai BL starting strong with good premises and then squandering them by not focusing on the details that mattered or leaning into baseless melodrama. Time for some reads. Some of these shows were generally good, but they failed at these things:

609 Bedtime Story: The world building crumpled in the back half and both endings are flat.

A Boss and a Babe: Cher is a pro gamer who worked for a gaming company and there was no plot point about this at all, or collaboration between the two groups.

Bake Me Please: Why was a show about cake so lacking in flavor?

Be Mine SuperStar: You had a real opportunity to explore a fan and idol romance and had Punn show so little growth. I hope the footage of First’s range is helpful now that Ja is out of BL.

Be My Favorite: You redid that whole amusement park date and muddled so much of what the hell happened on that day.

Between Us: You had years to make this interesting. Why are there five pairs and why is the end of this a JC Penny catalog photoshoot?

Dangerous Romance: What the fuck happened to the Sailom we had in episode 1 and 2 before that gun incident?

Hidden Agenda: Tee, what the hell was this? Twelve weeks of this?

I Feel You Linger in the Air: You may be the most beautiful show, with some of the most impressive performances of the year, but you absolutely botched this ending. Finish the goddamn season next time.

Love in Translation: I love you, but that whole kidnapping plot was so stupid at the end.

Low Frequency: I like your OST. That's about it.

My Dear Gangster Oppa: No examination about how gaming friendships become close quickly because of the combination of anonymity and teamwork (shout out to @twig-tea for this excellent summation).

My School President: Saving your gay commentary for the final episode felt like a conservative choice. I want more from you next time.

Naughty Babe: You retconned your own characters to tell a worse story. Unforgiveable.

Never Let Me Go: You didn’t know if you wanted to be a high school BL or a mafia story. It was difficult to watch.

Only Friends: I cannot believe you did Boston like that at the end. Either give Force’s character a clear personality next time, or keep him enigmatic; half measures make him and Book look worse. Sand was absolutely embarrassing. Boeing was a waste. Ending on all of them paired like that felt so unearned.

Step By Step: You forgot to ground Jeng’s external dreams at the end, so the final two episodes are just frustrating.

I’m glad I got that off my chest. We can go into the next year now.

Korea Put in the Work This Year

I really like the efforts from the various Korean studios this year. I really hope we get a Strongberry joint next year, but I want to acknowledge that we had 18 Korean BL dramas I watched this year, and at least three of them I think are must watches: Our Dating Sim, Sing My Crush, and The Eighth Sense. Beyond that, I think Love Tractor, Unintentional Love Story, and A Breeze of Love are easy recommendations.

It’s really impressive how the complaint for me this year with Korean BL is not about them using their time poorly. It’s more about normal drama concerns, where I think characterization is a little weak, or a theme doesn’t land squarely. This rapid iteration from the Korean studios is really impressive to watch, and I’m excited to see what some of the recognized players do next year.

Taiwan and The Philippines Have Been Quiet for Me

I wasn’t really able to connect with much from the Philippines this year except for The Day I Loved You. I never wrote about The Day I Loved You, but this beautiful and heart wrenching show is one of my favorites from this year. I wasn’t too keen on the Oxin Films offerings of this year, and I’m still chasing down the ones from The IdeaFirst Company.

As for Taiwan, this new BL project from the end of the year just isn’t hitting. Kiseki: Dear to Me also ended up really hurting me with the way they used Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih. I love that angry little man with the white hair, but I’m still salty about Wayne and the general mess of that show.

Japan was Busy This Year

I watched 16 new shows, a few older ones, and a few movies this year from Japan. We haven’t gotten this much from them ever. I continue to love the Drama Shower project from MBS, and my beloved What Did You Eat Yesterday? returned this year. We had pretty stellar outings with Our Dining Table, If It’s With You, and I Cannot Reach You.

I think a third of the Japanese BL I’ve tracked on MDL actually released this year. That’s huge.

Still, I am going to side eye Minato’s Laundromat 2. You were the show that let me down the most this entire year. More than Only Friends, more than Step By Step, and even more than Kiseki. You absolutely blew it. You were telling a great story about a man with an acute case of internalized homophobia coming out of his shell and learning to love his younger partner and you blew it for stupid amnesia nonsense. I will never forgive you for this.

Where Were All the Uncles This Year?

Really, without Jim from Moonlight Chicken, and without the men from What Did You Eat Yesterday? we had an alarming dearth of older gay characters passing on knowledge and wisdom to the youngsters this year. What the hell happened?

Rare Dynamics Won: Second Chance Romance and Friends to Lovers!

We had so much second chance romance this year. It’s really my favorite version of gay romance because gays don’t always have ideal settings when they’re young. We had Our Dating Sim, Individual Circumstances, Jun & Jun, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, Be My Favorite, Love Class Season 2, and A Breeze of Love. I am satisfied.

Friends to Lovers is actually so rare in romance and we have so many to choose from this year! The best examples are I Cannot Reach You and Sing My Crush, but we also have one of the pairs in Love Class Season 2.

Gay Thoughts

I had a couple of ongoing thoughts this year about queerness in BL.

First, I want to return to my post about Sing My Crush and La Pluie, and how I assert that Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes. More than giving men grace to be righteously angry or upset about things, along with letting them express it in ugly ways, I really want to get into how we engage with these shows. I will stop engaging with moralistic reads on characters in 2024. I will no longer engage with asks, reblogs, or meta gripping the fandom where we're judging the moral fiber of the character.

The question that really only matters for me at this point is: Is this act from the character justified from their characterization, the narrative, or genre conventions; and is it interesting? Whether or not the character is good or bad reeks of the lame arguments about good and bad representation, and I am not watching BL like I’m being graded in Sunday school.

The second thing I really want to acknowledge at the end of the year is that the gay sex is finally getting better again. I watched The Novelist this year, and we have taken so long to get back to the space that show took us on the portrayal of male-male intimacy. We are in the genre about people with dicks. It should feel like it. There should be a masculine component there that feels specific to queer intimacy.

I will acknowledge 2 Cutie 2 Pie, A Boss and a Babe, Be Mine SuperStar, Bed Friend, Candy Color Paradox, For Him, I Cannot Reach You, Kiseki: Dear to Me, La Pluie, Love Class 2, Love in Translation, Love Mate, Middleman’s Love, Naughty Babe, Only Friends, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, and Wedding Plan for your contributions.

Final Thoughts

I like how broad the genre felt this year, and I enjoyed how much speculative fiction is entering into the conversation. I don’t know how I feel about there being five vampire stories in the works next year, but overall I’m glad that we’re getting more experimental concepts. I’m burnt out on the college engineering BL, and would like to see more shows about working adults.

Despite how grumpy I was for at least three months, I think this has genuinely been one of the best years we’ve ever had in the genre. I made a lot of new friends in BL this year, and I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you all for spending some of your time with me this year and I’ll see you in the next one.

[httpiastri]

ngl im pretty pissed at lando

i think this is my first (and probably last) post about this because i have so many feelings and i know i cant waste more time diving into them because i will just cry more and waste time and-

i understand that lando was mad. i understand that he was furious with the team – so was i – and that excuses 99% of his actions in my mind. he's allowed to be bitchy on the radio (which he wasn't really, tbh, he was mostly quiet lol), he's allowed to act strangely and espECIALLY when the team doesn't give him any straighforward orders (should've been a "lando. you will let oscar pass. end of discussion." instead of "hey... think of all our morning meetings together..." and the other emotional blackmail).

BUT. the thing it doesnt excuse is him ignoring oscar on the podium. im getting more and more furious over this the more time passes and the more times i re-watch the clip, because what. the. fuck. ?!?!??!!?

yes you're upset at the team, but it's not oscar's fault. in no way does oscar need your anger. like, i know lando is better than this! he can handle his emotions, he's not a little baby. oscar already had his first win not feel like a win; he didn't get to celebrate on the radio, he wasn't overjoyed in parc ferme. the least you can do is douse your friend in champagne to make him feel better!!!!

and like to me there's just nothing that excuses this. no "he didn't wanna break his trophy" (solution: wait and let osc put it down, then do your champagne pop and attack him) and no "he was upset" (solution: grow tf up, this isn't oscar's fault!!).

it's all based on the fact that lando is more mature and smarter than this. if it had been another driver, maybe i wouldn't have been surprised. if it had been another pairing, i probs wouldn't have cared. but lando this isn't just anyone, this is oscar. your osc, your osco. he didn't deserve to be standing there on the podium, seeing both lando and lewis walk away from him.

[baskeigh-ball]

Ignoring the fact that ibis had the ai paint feature a couple years before this whole ai fiasco, after seeing your post, I decided to try it out to see if it really held up. I already knew what you said made no sense, as even stuff like ai painting requires heavy human input that isn't just someone typing a prompt in a thing and looking through thousands of images and somehow still calling it 'art'. Really, it's just some weird advanced bucket.

The ibis ai paint... really sucks. I'm pretty sure it hasn't even been touched since it was added. No matter what I did, I got random colours and whatever colours I had put there looked like it were from a filter, not to mention how my lineart bled everywhere like it was blurred out.

Ibis isn't problematic for adding that feature as not only was it added ages ago, but it was also just a gimmick only added because a few more popular paid programs added them, like Clip Studio Paint. I highly doubt even the company took it seriously considering how poorly built it is. This is actually the one time I'm glad some feature in an app sucks so much.

Another reason why ibis isn't problematic by the mere feature alone is that, when you look at the artists making content during the time of that update, it was received with humour. It was something fun to try, but ultimately dismissed for actual artwork, as nobody would use it to fully paint their works. Nowadays we see something slapped with the words 'ai' and think that it's instantly bad due to the latest issues with it and big corperations/ certain production companies but it isn't. It's just a lot of people abusing what was previously some fun gimmick, which it can still be, and for certain apps, still is. Nobody throws pitchforks at character ai, after all.

You can tell just by the size of this that I'm procrastinating on something. Ima go and let this rot away in your askbox now lol

You really thought this would fade away in my ask box, mwahahaha /j

I wanna start off by saying thank you for holding me accountable, I will admit that I got buzzworded pretty hard in this situation lmao

This information came as a surprise to me-- I was seeing posts pop up within the past week complaining about the ai feature on ibis, so I assumed it was recent. As it turns out, after reading your ask, I discovered that I got a few wires crossed! Because yes, the auto paint feature I referred to in my post has been around for years now, and was never taken seriously anyways

So that was my bad (and yea ur right it's completely unusable, lmao)

But as it turns out, the feature that people have been complaining about DID come out recently. It was called the AI Example feature, I think the idea was that you make a simple drawing and the AI adds 99% of the detail and color, which I've seen a bunch of other programs do.

...and then it was immediately removed due to some pretty major backlash, which, duh

^ This is the only evidence I can find of the 11.2.0 update that included the AI feature on the actual site; their update history stops at 11.1.0. But there's also the news page about the removal of the update, so it's not like they're trying to pretend it never happened.

So tl;dr, I jumped on the hate train a little too quickly and never did enough research to figure out what the actual update was, and that it's been removed by now anyway (which I couldn't have known until today, ofc, but i did kinda post that thing about ibis today so it's still a pretty major oopsie)

I think I can say with confidence now that I agree, ibis paint isn't problematic to use-- they made a mistake with this update, but they actually listened to their users and removed it LITERALLY the next day. So, thanks for letting me know! I'll also edit my last post to prevent any misinformation, just in case people make the same mistake I did :]

[yourlocalrandombisexual]

alright so i’ve been seeing the watcher posts and gathering my thoughts so i’m gonna put all my watcher stuff in one big post under the cut cause it’s gonna get long and i need to get this out of my head.

i will say 99% of the fandom was expecting a fun, exciting, omg can’t wait for it type of announcement and seeing the title and thumb nail for the first time made me really nervous.

also, side note, why on earth would they choose a thumbnail of the three of them sitting on a couch like that with the title “goodbye youtube”?? just the imagery alone makes you think of the try guys and their now infamous video like why would you want that comparison right out the gate before you even say anything?? super weird choice.

then the video is all nostalgic and wistful, clips of steven’s, ryan’s, and shane’s, pre-buzzfeed youtube videos and i’m thinking “did someone die cause this feels like a video obit” none of this calmed my nerves and made me more anxious about what could be coming. and then we all know what happened next, they announce that they’re paywalling everything yada yada yada

and after seeing everyone else’s takes and the general vibe of the fandom being “fuck watcher” it continues to baffle me why they thought this was gonna go over well. because to me it feels like they went from “yay we have our own youtube channel” to “give us your cash we’re a media empire” and missed A LOT of steps in between.

and i dunno maybe watcher did try to change things and tweak their business model and things weren’t getting better but as a fan and someone who watches a lot of different youtubers you kinda see this one coming. like creators drop little crumbs beforehand to gauge how people will take it or they try weird series/shows that have like 3 episodes to see what their audience is more interested in. there are a signs as a fan you can see but i think one of the reasons this went so badly for watcher is because it was so far out of left field. there was never a hint that the youtube model wasn’t working for them.

but again maybe they did try x, y, and z without it working or being transparent about it and if they were trying things why not lean into that to garner compassion from fans? we all know the youtube algorithm sucks and if they had started the video talking about the things they tried and how nothing was working and how much it sucked to leave youtube i think people would’ve understood. then they could’ve had shane talk about how subscriptions suck and there are too many of them and they tried to find another solution but couldn’t. now not only do i have sympathy for what there going through i had my feelings validated. then they could’ve gone into why this is better and what i’m going to get out of it as a consumer.

like it’s not that hard. but instead the vibe i got from them was a real palpable relief that they were leaving youtube which felt like a slap in the face.

and while i don’t agree with the steven bashing at all i do think it’s a little bit funny that they kinda dug themselves into that hole with their end of the year behind the scenes video they put out last fall. they really painted steven as a genius ceo while ryan and shane are just on screen talent. so while i feel for what steven is going through they kinda put themselves in that position.

all of this to say that it doesn’t feel like they hired anyone to field this idea by or do any kind of market research at all and the vibe that i’ve always kinda gotten from watcher is one where they want to jump over the messiness and growing pains of being a new small business and be established. be this huge force a la dropout/college humor without putting in the time to get there. and i do think watcher showed it’s true colors here where they only think of fans as cash cows they can deposit whenever.

and just the arrogance of thinking their fans will follow them to a subscription and trying to spin it as it being the same thing as leaving buzzfeed drives me up the wall. it’s not the same.

anyway i think that’s it. if i think of anything else ill edit this post ✌️

[5and3nevermind]

I’m sure you’ve talked about this a lot, but I wasn’t sure what to search for in order to find any of your posts on it so sorry if I’m just bringing up things that you’ve already talked at length about.

But, I woke up this morning thinking about the live Jimin and Yoongi did together during Yoongi’s tour and feeling crazy about it all over again.

I remember watching it in real time and just being excited to see them do a live together, just them for the first time. And while I felt like their body language throughout was interesting, again, while watching in real time I was more focused on what they were saying and only after the fact really started side eyeing the way they were mirroring each other. But the end, when Jimin grabbed Yoongi’s arm and Yoongi immediately ended the live…I felt that in my stomach, and seeing it after the fact hasn’t lessened that feeling at all.

I’m not the type to think about their relationship in absolutes, mostly because I don’t know anything past what they show us and because it doesn’t actually affect me in anyway. So, while I enjoy the idea of them, and enjoy getting to watch them together and think about them, whether it be platonic or romantic or whatever, I just enjoy it and don’t really get caught up in wanting to prove anything both to myself and especially not other people. But there is something about that moment, paired with the fact that it was completely unedited sticks in my brain as something I have a hard time waving away or shrugging off like most things.

It doesn’t prove anything (and I don’t need or even want it to), but it’s one of those things where I know how it made me feel in the moment and how it continues to make me feel when I see clips of it (which isn’t often because I tend to not be able to look at that moment straight on lol it’s too much for me). I need to know if that moment drives anyone else as crazy as it does me!

On a more wholesome note, that paired with the bangtan bomb we got of that same day of Jimin coming to Yoongi’s show and seeing how Yoongi acted the whole time, you can just tell how having Jimin around affects Yoongi’s mood/mentality, it’s very sweet. Makes me think of him saying he got a lot of strength from Jimin visiting the Shadow set (despite Jimin not feeling that gratitude at the time LOL), or Yoongi whining about Jimin not visiting the Daechwita set. I know the fandom (and Yoongi, I’m not trying to discount their friendship at all) thinks of Hobi as the person who gives Yoongi energy. But I don’t think enough credit is given to the fact that Yoongi becomes so playful and silly when interacting with Jimin (Suchwita, anyone??)

I don’t know what my point is anymore, I’m spiraling. I just enjoy getting to watch these two interact in whatever way they want to share with us.

Hi anon! I have to warn you: I can feel that I’m about to write a long answer. Hope that’s ok! 😉

In terms of the live: I’m still absolutely floored by their dynamic. The Newark live and Ddeun Ddeun were so incredible to me. Of course, we can’t know for sure whether Yoongi and Jimin are a couple or not. But I do feel 99% certain that they are close and they absolutely adore each other.

In an effort to be objective, I think we sometimes ignore how we feel about certain moments. However, I don’t think we should be so quick to dismiss our instincts. During the live, I think many of us watched and felt something. I don’t think we imagined that. Especially when we have 10+ years of content in which we’ve observed these two together.

I’ve never written about the live in detail. (I have written about “your bare face is pretty too.”)

The ending was CRAZY. The live had only been going for about 18 minutes and Jimin had only been on screen for about 12. Then this moment happened:

I honestly don’t know what happened here. Yoongi seems vulnerable and as soon as Jimin touched this shoulder, that was it for the live!

As soon as that moment happened, Yoongi started wrapping up the live, which seemed to surprise and delight Jimin.

The other funny thing: earlier in the live, Yoongi had said he wasn’t tired. Now all of the sudden he’s tired? Ok.

Honestly, after watching the live I can understand why they don’t go live often. They are so fond of each other, the energy is off the charts.

I'm not the type to think about their relationship in absolutes, mostly because I don't know anything past what they show us and because it doesn't actually affect me in anyway. So, while I enjoy the idea of them, and enjoy getting to watch them together and think about them, whether it be platonic or romantic or whatever, I just enjoy it and don't really get caught up in wanting to prove anything both to myself and especially not other people.

I think you’re very smart to see it this way. There’s a lot we don’t know, and in many ways their lives are much more complicated than ours. I used to be obsessed with wanting to know for sure if they are “real” or not. My brain doesn’t like unsolved mysteries! It’s as if I have to resolve issues in my mind in order to move on to other things. Thankfully, I’ve moved on from that way of thinking. I’ve accepted that we might never know for sure. I also think that, in a way, it doesn’t matter. A lot of people interpret “yoonmin is real” as saying “yoonmin is a couple.” But I think there’s another way to look at it.

I see “yoonmin is real” as meaning that their moments are genuine, what they say about each other is truthful, they are extremely close and are an important part in each other’s lives and in their development as artists and as human beings. I can’t sit here and say I’m sure they’re a couple. But I can say with 99% certainty that they are “real” in this second sense of the word.

It was after Ddeun Ddeun and the Newark live that I truly felt…at peace. My brain was able to shift from “mystery-solving mode” to “I just want to enjoy their dynamic and their lovely bond while I can.”

Anyway, they are truly special to me, and it sounds like they are to you too. 💛

Thanks for the ask and sorry I rambled!

[wienersmosh]

done with the smosh membership. :)

i cancelled my membership a couple of weeks ago and here's why.

i was a smosh royalty member. as some of you know it comes with access to the official smosh discord server. i was never very active on it. in the ~5 months that i used it i only checked it a handful of times. i had not even opened the discord app since december 2023.

last month, i decided to open the app. it said that i was not a member of any servers and with the help of a couple of friends who were still members, we figured out that i was banned. (and just today i also found out that i had been banned from the youtube livechat, which i couldn't have known sooner bc i missed the past few livestreams.) one of them reached out to a well-known mod -- a popular smosh fan artist here on tumblr, iykyk -- and asked on my behalf why i was banned. the mod refused to say why, but it didn't matter. it was either i said something inflammatory to someone (doubt it, bc i was barely on it), or because i had been leaking members-only content which, to be fair to them, i have. and i'm 99% sure it was the latter.

now... i don't know for sure who snitched or how they managed to trace it back to my discord profile and youtube account -- but i have a theory. the platform i'm most active on is smosh twitter, where i did occasionally post bts photos, screenshots of bts videos and livestreams, and little clips here and there and included those clips in edits. but even so, i highly doubt it was from my twitter account that they traced back my discord and youtube. i don't have my discord handle anywhere on my twitter and vice versa. any mention or hints of my youtube account have long been buried bc i tweet 50 million times a day.

i'm not saying no one has snitched on me for my twitter account, i'm sure at least a few people have bc my account had 1.3k followers and it was public. what i'm saying is that it couldn't have been my twitter that linked back to my discord and yt. i have a hunch that it's this tumblr post with this ianthony edit of mine, which includes multiple clips of bts videos, that got me into trouble. when i posted it, my tumblr url was different to the one i have now, and my old url was similar to my discord handle and youtube display name, and i'm positive that's how they traced it back to me.

i'm not going to make outright accusations and name them specifically bc i have no concrete proof. but i have a strong hunch that it's a specific smosh fan artist here on tumblr who happens to be a discord mod that did this sleuthing and banned me. and the only thing i have to go off of is that they weirdly have me blocked here on tumblr despite me never interacting with them in any way that could be construed as harassment. all i ever did was dm them and ask if i could see ian's halo fanfics from back in the day. that's it.

and you know what? i can't be too mad about being banned. again, i rarely used discord, so it's not like i lost something that i used regularly, and i did break a rule. it's not like they banned me for no reason. i get it.

but the part that upsets, or i guess, confuses me is that after i had been banned from the discord and the livechat, i was still technically a member. i was still being charged $20 AUD/month and i still had access to all their bts content. banning me from the discord and livechat wouldn't have even stopped me from leaking their content. so it's like... what was the point? it definitely wasn't loss prevention. i can't help but feel that this was more of a social punishment than a legal one. i think if they hit me with a copyright notice i'd be less offended, bc then i'd get the message that this is just business to them and they can't let people steal. but banning someone from the community, so to speak, but not from paying for and accessing your content, seems like such a petty, mean girl, "you can't sit with us" kind of punishment? does this make sense? especially bc it's up to the mods' discretion which people to ban AND not every single person who has leaked content is even being punished.

idk. i know i'm in the wrong in a technical sense, but cracking hard on stupid shit like leaking photos and clips -- not even full videos being uploaded somewhere else -- makes me feel like they're turning fans against each other. those who can pay vs those who can't pay. rule breakers vs snitches. no wonder there aren't a lot of ianthony stans nowadays -- most of the content we want to discuss is behind a paywall now.

i just think there should be a difference between major leaks, like uploading entire videos for everyone to see for free, and fans still being able to make fan content out of bts stuff. bc why is including one-second clips in a 30-second edit enough to get someone banned? no one is watching my edit in lieu of signing up for a membership. it's literally free marketing to entice people to sign up but i guess they don't want that.

so... here i am now. i still love smosh, i still love ian and anthony, but i don't have to further support them as a business anymore beyond just watching their videos. banning me from engaging with the community but not from paying for their content and doing free publicity and marketing for them made it clear to me they did not see a human being behind the fan account. i was just a source of revenue to them.

goodbye, smosh membership. i'm still a fan, but i guess i wasn't that important.

[bre1995]

Fellow Traveler Scenes that make me sad

Hello everyone again!! This post is going to be another lengthy one, but I hope that you enjoy <3

(Yes I know there are a lot of these moments, but these are the ones from pretty much each episode that just shatter me each time)

In episode 1 when Marcus shows up you can see the scared look on Hawks face and then when Marcus is talking about Tim. I know a lot of things went down and Hawk kept his distance, but that doesn't mean he still wasn't scared.

Episode 2 when Hawk is making Skippy write that letter. You know 99% of those words are for Tim and you can see Hawk getting emotional when saying them and when Tim stops writing you know that he realizes that those words aren't just for Mary they are for Tim and that just shatters me.

Episode 3 when Hawk goes to Tim's apartment and even though Mary and Marcus had been telling him how bad things were, Hawk witnessing it for himself completely overwhelmed him and you could see it on his face. Also, when he excuses himself to the bathroom and almost starts crying because he realizes that he will be losing his Skippy sooner than he thinks. Then later in the restaurant when Tim is singing 'Perhaps' he looks at Hawk and some of the words he's singing and the force in which he says them you know are directed at Hawk and then he gets upset when he realizes he has embarrassed Hawk.

Episode 4 When Hawk has to take the lie detector test. Him having to mentally and physically prepare himself so that he can pass. Him lying about loving Tim (which was also was the longest pause of any of the questions), but that is also one of my favorite parts because he was wearing the tie Tim got him for Christmas, but the fact that he had to lie just to be able to keep his job. Just broke my heart, but also talking to Marcus you could tell that he felt completely guilty and broke his own heart. Also, in episode 4 which I know it's in the beginning when Hawk and Tim get into that huge fight and then at the end of the episode he apologizes, but Tim isn't there, but also him saying Skip instead of Skippy. There's just something about it that I can't explain.

Episode 5 Hawk not only breaks his own heart, but Tims too when he tells Tim that he's going to ask Lucy to marry him. When Hawk says that you can SEE it on his face that he doesn't want this to be happening and doesn't want to do it, but he FEELS like it's what he has to do. Also, Tim you can tell was absolutely shattered too and I know that's why he ends up signing up for the army. In this same episode when Hawk and Tim are in the bell tower and Hawk goes "Skippy, I didn't raise my boy to be a soldier." Hawk is so sad, broken, and doesn't want this to be happening. Also, Tim's "promise you won't write." These two love each other so much and it just pains me they can't be together the way they want to.

Episode 6 when Skippy comes to the house and looks in from the trees and sees Hawk with his family. I do love Tims bond with Jackson and the conversation they had about Hawk. In that moment you can tell Tim has no resentment fully towards Hawk at all and understands how he has to love and HOW he loves.

Episode 7 I know the threesome was sloppy and everything, but the small little moments between Skippy and Hawk just make me tear up. When Tim starts rubbing Hawks back and plays with his earlobe like he's always done thats my sign of him saying "I'm here for you and I've got you." The next part in this clip is when Hawk sees Jacksons picture and fully shuts down and starts to panic. Then him starting to break down and apologizing because he feels like he can't cry and Tim tells him its ok and then thats when Hawk fully lets go. Hawks "Let me die." Literally SHATTERS my heart. Hawk is so broken and hurt and that just makes me hurt. But when he full on has the breakdown is when I lost it. You can just see all the pain and anguish on his face. He really did need Skippy. At the end of the episode even though he has no one to blame, but himself, Hawk starting to panic and freak out about Skippy leaving and saying he's free of Hawk really got to him. He felt like he lost him again forever. Then the flash to the present of Hawk at the hospital while Skippy is in the hospital bed. The fear and sadness on his face. But that kiss to the forehead in a public place just makes me tear up so, so hard. It was the first time Hawk had done something like that in a public setting.

Finally episode 8 the one that never fails to make me SOB every time. Tim telling Hawk that he woke up not knowing who he was and Hawk saying "Timothy David Laughlin, that adorable Catholic Boy from Staten Island." Tim returning from the army and reuniting with Hawk (yeah I know that's not sad, but it is special) and him almost getting his dream job. Recommended by Hawk and then skip to the naked slow dance (which is just so beautiful and emotional in itself) you see Hawk so at peace and happy then he's ever been and then Tim says they will be colleagues and see each other every day. You could immediately see the panic and fear on Hawks face. Then you get Hawk turning Tim in and then crying to Mary (rightfully so). Then going to the hospital to see baby Jackson and immediately thats when we and Tim find out why Hawk did what he did, but it doesn't make it any easier. Skip to Hawk climbing into Tim's hospital bed and holding him and Tim saying "I feel like I'm fading away. I'm disappearing a little every day." the way he says it just shatters me (I'm crying even typing it). Then eventually Hawk asking if he owns a tuxedo, them at the gala, and of course Tim's speech to Hawk. "I have loved you my whole life. I've never loved anyone, but you. You were my great, consuming love. And most people don't get one of those. I did. I have no regrets." That whole part of the speech makes me cry every time. Add on top of Hawk's kiss and Tim savoring it and then teasing Hawk like he always does. Tim wiping away Hawk's tears. Hawk telling Tim that he wants to show up for Tim, but Tim (understandably) sends him home. Even though Tim is his home. The "Hey Skippy! Promise you won't write" "I won't" being their last words to each other. My goodness let the tears roll. (Again crying while typing this). Skip to the Aids Quilt and Hawk finds Tims square and Kimberly coming up to him. Hawk trying to hide his tears and then just letting them flow with the quote "Sweetheart, he wasn't my friend. He was the man I loved." *Cue more tears from me* I know it took him until after Tim died to admit it, but I choose to believe that in that moment Tim was looking down and would be so, so proud of Hawk. I'm also glad that he has Kimberly and she's still sticking by his side. But the show ending on that note is so beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I know this was another long one, but I'm so passionate about this show. Please feel free to share your favorite moments or even add to this!! I am up for conversation anytime :)

[lunadreamscaper]

hey guys the only reason i'm gonna make this post for the Taleblr community is just because I want people to be safe, considering this person is already trying to reach out to people like I suspected.

Disclaimer: i could be wrong about this. but i am incredibly confident about this and talked and confirmed my suspicions with other people.

ElijahtheGhost has a new account. and i am 99% sure it's them for these reasons.

1) a person (who will remain anonymous) reached out to me asking me for my opinion. this account, has me blocked and i did not block them first. and i've never seen this account. (tho it could just be a coincidence.)

2) their very first post is a dead give away because it's about a very specific headcanons that Elijah themselves shared when i was in call with them back when i used to sort of tolerate them. AND they are headcanons that came to be due to the gmod roleplays orchestrated by them and Salem Casket (and others who i don't give a fuck about.) some of those videos should on youtube and clips are on Salem's account.

REMINDER TO NOT INTERACT OR HARASS ANY OF THESE PEOPLE!!!!!!/srs

if anyone else wants to back me up here remembering elijah talking abou

also they interacted with Javin posts at the time i had seen this and the last i heard from them (CW gross) they were talking about Jimmy free-bleeding ALL over Gavin during like... Javin cuddle shenanigans very recent around the time of those javin reblogs and posts.

they've been goin around trying to interact with rhe taleblr fandom still.

if it is elijah. which me and others are very confident it is (and i can try getting more info if necessary and possible) regardless, even if it is, Those ARE elijah's headcanon's and could the very least are affiliated with them.

EITHER WAY PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!

i do not want Elijah causing more harm, scarring more people and just continue being gross towards people and minors.

for those of you who do not know who or what i am talking about: here is a post best explaining it all

[youremyheaven]

I’m a Pushya sun and my ex was Uttara Phalguni sun and rising. When things were good they were GREAT, however when things were bad it was an absolute nightmare.

He was extremely judgemental towards my body count and sexual history. I told him if it’s a problem let’s just break up bc I literally cannot change it. He told me that I “wasn’t just some girl”, so he’ll have to overcome it. Proceeded to spend the majority of the relationship berating me for it, calling me a slut and a prostitute. He said the cruelest things a person has ever said to me. He said 99% of men would never love me and he was the 1% of idiots that did. When I finally cracked and went crazy and shouted at him, he held that over my head and i felt terrible for it. At that point we were smoking a lot of weed, and I could barely even process my emotions, it was terrible. I explained all the terrible symptoms I was experiencing and told him I would stop. All the symptoms I said, he told me is what he feels like all the time for years (because he had been smoking like this long before he met me). He told me he would stop as well. That was a lie.

He got super violent, would beat me up so badly during sex, would also pressure me into having sex with him - he would ask over and over and over again until I said yes. He also knew he was doing this cos one time he asked me if I felt pressured by him to have sex and I said yes and he got so angry AT ME for him pressuring me. There was an instance where he hit me across the head and it hurt so bad I had trouble hearing for days and I told him that he hit me too hard, my ears are ringing and he just giggled and said “I know”.

A month before our relationship ended I found out he had a tik tok account where he would post alpha male podcast clips (keep in mind we’re grown adults) - had no idea about this the entire relationship. Also, he pretty much lied to me about everything (granted he has a Rahu moon) even the most stupid things like liking anime for example. I just thought it was cringe and I didn’t watch it at all, and he lied and said he felt the same - come to find he had like anime pfp for a bunch of his online accounts. Lied to me about his family, where he came from, friends, romantic and sexual history, his interests, likes and dislikes, so many things. I had also found a message from a dating app on his phone.

The relationship ended after I found out he relapsed again and completely lied to me about it and was cancelling plans with me just to smoke and play video games with his friends. When I broke up with him, he begged me stay, said no one had ever loved and cared for him this much except for his mother, all of these things. Made me even more confused as to why he treated me like I was the devil then?? I was past the point of conversation so it was just a bad ending. He punched my mattress and told me I would regret leaving him. That was the last I ever saw him.

Goes without saying I learnt a bunch from that relationship! I’m pretty sure he hated my guts but I took care of him and met a lot of his basic needs (Maslow’s hierarchy) so he kept me around to fulfil them. I think he was also just possessive; he didn’t want me but more than that he didn’t want to see me with anyone else. Some of the worst days of my life were in this relationship but in a weird way I feel like this was Saturn teaching me a lesson - I was an idiot who literally forgot who I was for this relationship, made it my number one priority, and had zero self-esteem or self-advocacy. So many points where I should’ve walked away but I learnt the hard way. Never again!!

I am so glad you got out of that relationship!!! Please stay safe!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience because in my own experiences my yoni consort has been toxic and abusive as well (it does not compare to yours at all tho). I wish you so much peace and healing. You're so strong 🫶

Side note: have you guys ever noticed how a Nodal person seems to be proud of/brag about their interests if at all they have any?? 8/10 they'll be lying about the depth of their involvement in it too lol?? Is it bc Nodal people find it hard to connect to things so when they do, they're just like 😤imma make this my whole personality 😤my ex spoke about how obsessed he was with Greek mythology and how much money he spent on Greek mythology books but he could never talk about it at length?? (he also had substance issues so i attributed it to that tbh)

[city-tickles]

Wasn't your initial idea to post MOSTLY f/m content to restore the imbalance between f/m and ..../f content? Now you seem like not following that idea at all...:(

Hi!

This caught me off guard but I’m going to try my best to answer this and hopefully not come off rude.

1. I apologize if you feel slighted by the lack of F/M content. I also am confused where you heard that because that was never my goal. I didn’t have any goals. Unless I forgot, I didn’t create any goals. I just liked posting. People started requesting things and I never stopped answering them. I never opened a request ask. I figured answering a couple was no big deal and now I get a lot of requests and messages, some nice, some that are out there, some with men flirting with me when I have said many times I am not into it. Etc. if I have any goal, it’s what’s in my bio. Meet cool people especially in nyc and hopefully get to play.

2. Restore the imbalance makes me sound like Thanos and that’s kind of funny.

3. I believe that is not true. The page might get flooded with requests but sometimes that comes in waves. It’s /f requests, or /m requests, sometimes I can do both when it’s blank but I can’t always do both. Another thing I’ve said a few times is: I don’t have the equivalent for genders for each request. It’s either not out there or very hard to find.

I don’t know if anyone ever noticed but I have a schedule outside of request that goes

Monday - /m tickling clip (Ticklish Male Monday)

Tuesday - Mainstream clip (alternates between /f and /m weekly. This is a little hard because sometimes both area are lacking)

Wednesday - Free Space (sometimes a mainstream picture)

Thursday - /f clip

Friday - Tickle Art Friday (alternates between /f and /m and is really difficult a lot of the time)

So that means I post a new to newish male clip every week. And the past few have all been f/m. My M/M ones get flagged harder for some reason and they’re also not great.

I have life outside of tickling but when I do check the sites or do searches, I do a lot of searches for new f/m clips and a lot of them are the same. A dom and a nude guy and he gets pleasured at the end. I can’t post that. If the laugh is really good, then I will do my best to crop around it but most of the time in my opinion, they’re not good. I could start posting the ones I think are fake or duds because it is subjective.

For m/m clips, I have to get lucky because they’re nude 99% of the time or in a position I can’t post or they’re all from MyFriendsFeet and I don’t love just taking this person’s clips especially if they are still active.

Also, the reality is there just isn’t enough of the content that I can post here. I am lucky to have some content but I can’t make it up if it’s not there and I do my best to not take from sites that are still active or clips that are pretty recent.

I’m sorry this was so long and I hope this clears things up for you any anyone else who may be upset with the blog for some reason.

I like to end with a video but my friend here does a lot of f/m so check her out if you are able to

[ponyguru]

hello! I saw your post about the G5 Hitch toy and as someone whose interest in G5 is only surface deep ATM but wants to know more bc My Little Pony is my special interest I was curious about the different lines of toys that have been released for G5. I have that exact Hitch toy as pictured, minus accessories, that I picked up in a thrift shop as a set with the rest of the ponies from the first movie and while I assumed that that was the standard size pony now I'm curious if there are different lines with different sizes. Apologies if this doesn't make sense as I'm very tired and thank you very much for your time! ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

Hi there! MLP is my special interest too, LOL! You found the right person!! But you're in for a long answer, which you are probably prepared for, come to think of it!

tl;dr: There's multiple sizes, and the most common release seems to be the "brushable"/3" size, with the next biggest being the "styling size"/6".

It's tricky to 'officially' categorize the G5 line in general, I think, because it seems like every release is - IDK, maybe I'm just not in tune with the fandom stuff, but it's kinda random!? For starters though, Strawberry Reef is often a very good resource, although I know during the G4 line she fell behind a bit!

It does look like she has (almost) everyone covered so far, to my understanding!

In my mind, I kind of split them up into the "standard" line (the little guys with the jointed legs, the first line was released as the Crystal Adventure line I believe!), which would have been called the 'brushables' in the G4 line, but ... these all have sculpted hair! T_T And then there's some variations, like the Dollar General singles which do have brushable hair (yay!) except for Hitch, but they have no jointed legs. Strawberry Reef calls these "Regular Size 3"" which does imply that they're the 'standard' release.

And then I call the bigger ones (Strawberry Reef's "Large Size 6"") the styling size, because back in G4 days they were called that due to typically coming with a lot of styling/accessorizing type accessories. The little brushables might come with a comb or pet, but the big ones would get comb, clips, elastics, etc. (Not to be confused with the styling heads, of course, which you can see down at the bottom of SR's page!)

I believe (correct me if I'm wrong!) that the "movie set" of the 6" guys came in a big multipack with all of the characters, Mane Five and Sprout, and the way to tell Hitch apart is whether his hair is flocked or not. SR doesn't have him listed yet (so she is a little behind!), but the one I just got at the 99 Cent Store has flocked hair (and more accessories), and Hitch (and Sprout) from the group set from 2021 (as listed on SR's site) do not have flocked hair.

And that's not even getting into the Ponyville/Blind Bag/mini sized ones!! lmao!

ANYWAY, that was a big info-dump, but I hope it helped you and maybe anyone else who is confused! When I say styling size, that's mostly just me using a holdover from the G4 collector terms, since I don't think they call them that now. I think it's just like ... 'Sparkle Adventures'? But then they call the big multipack 'Shining Adventures', so I don't think there's any consistency there yet for collectors to latch onto. But there's several different sizes to find, and there's even GIANT ones, if you scroll down on SR's page! She has lots of fun info! Happy hunting!

[metalphoenix]

Matt Murdock has a Tumblr

This came from from a conversation I had with my friend @marvelvibess and was posted with their permission. 

-Matt got tumblr around the time he became Daredevil, maybe a little before

-He has three kinds of posts: Pulitzer worthy treatise on morality, truth and justice, the most unhinged shitposts known to man and incoherent nonsense, there is no in between

-He gathers quite a following 

-He post 2-3 times a week exclusively in the middle of the night

-His user is BlindJustice666

-Everyone is like who is this fucker and is he ok (the consensus is that he is very not ok) 

-Sometimes he posts things like “I think God wants me dead” and everyone is like ok mood but are you good??? (he’s not)

-People genuinely can’t tell if he’s a devout catholic or a troll (plot twist he’s both) 

-Someone: OP you good? BlindJustice666: God has forsaken me to live for my sins. Someone: Understandable have a nice day 

-Someone: OP you good? BlindJustice666: *audio clip of someone screaming* Someone: Understandable have a nice day

-He either has the best tags or literally none 

-Everyone is like this person either has a PhD or dropped out of High school and they don’t know which

-Someone: Hey OP what do you do for a living? BlindJustice666: *longwinded answer about serving truth and justice that clears nothing up* 

-The post after that is the same ask except this time he responds “well sometimes I punch people” 

-No one knows whats up with him but they love it 

-He gets the most batshit asks and he answers every single one

-After season 3 Karen and Foggy find it 

-They go to the Upper East Side to read it together thinking their gonna have a laugh but end up sobbing instead 

-They make it a weekly thing to go somewhere he wont here them and read his new posts to check up on him.

-They sometimes send him anonymous asks to check in with him

-When he posts incoherent nonsense they know to check for a concussion  

-He’s somehow unaware that they found his blog 

-Matt makes a very angsty and dramatic post after the fight with Foggy in season 1. Everyone offers to fight the friend he’s talking about.

-When Foggy finds this post it hits him how shitty he was that night

-At the beginning of Season 3 he makes some very angsty posts that low key makes everyone worried he’s gonna kill himself (their not wrong)

-Every few months he posts something thats a red flag 

-Matt figures out his autistic from tumblr (he’s absolutely autistic and you can pry that head canon from my cold dead hands)

-He finds out because he posts something and someone responds “hey OP you ever hear of autism cuz I’m like 99% sure you’ve got it” 

-He’s like 😮😮😮 {three shocked emojis} and does’t post for two weeks which is worrying to everyone because because its around the time he’s made a red flag post but he comes back and starts posting like nothings happened

-He deep dived into researching autism and figures out that he indeed has it

-This is around season 1 and he tells no one

-he makes some posts about it months later 

-Karen and Foggy find these posts after season 3 and are like “fuck” and start trying to surreptitiously accommodating that without letting him know that they know

-He stops posting right after Midland Circle (obviously) and everyone is worried

-The first post after is “Sorry I disappeared for a while I died for like a week them my arch nemesis tried to kill me and I kind of think I’m hallucinating???” 

-He posts “why do I fail at everything? I can not even die properly. God has forsaken me to live. His retribution is worse than Hell itself” after his Season 3 suicide attempt and everyone is worried (as they should be) 

-After that people send him asks like hey please keep living you make out lives better 

-He absolutely looses it when he sees those asks and Maggie finds him sobbing on the floor. he’s like “oh no they don’t know how terrible a person I am”

-He makes a whole post apologizing for playing them and making them think he’s not a monster

-no one believes it

-Eventually Karen shows Sister Maggie the blog so she can also keep an eye on him. 

-Her user name is just maggie 

-She doesn’t really post anything but if she did Tumblr would love her 

-Matt never makes posts with info that could be linked back to him

-However he does make some posts that are supposed to be “fun stories” from his childhood 

-He has some posts about Stick

-BlindJustice666: *random super fucked up story about Stick* So that was a weird thing that happened lol. Everyone: *concern* 

-Everyone is mildly concerned that he was a child soldier (Their not wrong) 

-Everything he posts is so incredibly specific or very very vague

-In conclusion Matt needs a tumblr like yesterday, he’s just the right amount of chaos to fit in well here      

[x-amanda]

Hi, this is my first post ever on here, I don't use this app a lot, mostly to download stuff for TS4 lol but I thought, since I have an account and the app downloaded, why not post something?

I am a 15 soon 16 year old girl, my life has been kinda chaotic, lots of family issues like fighting and verbal abuse, even alcohol abuse. Growing up in that environment wasn't fun and it did fuck me up mentally I'd say, it made me feel unsure about myself which then led to me finding out about things 8 year olds shouldn't know, like NSFW sites, drugs etc, younger me didn't understand that stuff, whenever I'd ask someone about it they'd laugh or yell at me or ask "How do you know what that is?!". I don't remember how I found those sites because like I said, I was very young and my memory is pretty bad hahah.

I did eventually stop asking people about that stuff and just keep it to myself while also over-sexualizing myself, making myself look more "sexy" and "cute" the older I got, mostly for male validation, I wanted men to notice me, I didn't care if they were a lot older or not, it was attention from them that I was after and it did kinda work but I did also end up getting groomed numerous times because of it, but before all of that stuff happened, I would get bullied, people would make fun of the way I dressed, my at home problems, how I was always sick and worst of all my teeth, they were never perfectly straight or pearly white, they still aren't and it's my biggest insecurity along with other things we'll talk about later.

I decided to stop caring about what others thought of me, sure I still do take some things to heart and they make me sad but not as much as before, but I guess that depends on what is said, and I think we all know that a lot of toxic stuff is said online. I firstly got Instagram at around 8, not a lot happened there, I would post every now and then, and then there was Snapchat.. oh what a mistake that was, I'm pretty sure 99% of people who have snapchap have been sent a dickpic atleast once if not more, and I am part of those 99%, it usually starts when a random guy adds you, he doesn't even say hi and goes STRAIGHT to the point and sends you a fucking picture of a shrimp, it's so disgusting but also so fun to make fun of them, I know that's wrong but sending random people (including KIDS) pictures of your manhood without consent isn't any better and you deserve to be punched in the face atleast 5 times a day.

Moving onto the era of Tiktok, I've had it since musically, I do miss those times, funny/cringey clips and dancing videos? Fucking amazing but now it's just toxicity, you can't have an opinion anymore without getting death threats or in a worst case scenario, doxxed but luckily, that has never happened to me, just mild death threats which I don't really mind, I find it funny as fuck ngl because it will most likely not happen, people just try to come off as scary when they're probably on the other side of the screen drooling and thinking "Oh yeah I got them with this one!!".. buddy you didn't get anyone with that, and no job either because of your digital footprint and especially if you talk like that to a bunch of other people, good luck in the future pal!!

--This is all for now, I still have a lot on my mind, there was one thing that happened tonight that made me want to write all of this but I'll save that for next time, (It's about me Feeling dumb (sped) so I don't forget!!!!!)

Cya next time!

// Amanda - Aug 24th 3:45 am

[upthenorthmountain]

One nice thing about drawing the same character over and over is that it lets you see your progress. I feel like I’ve made a fair amount!

When I drew that first picture in September 2014 I was 32 years old. I’d always wanted to be able to draw, but just never got round to it or knew how to get started. Like a lot of people, fandom is what inspired me and gave me the push I needed. It’s the most amazing feeling to be able to draw now, to be able to get down what’s in my head, to make things I love and am proud of. I know I still have a lot to learn but that’s where the fun is!

If you’re one of those people always thinking ‘wow I wish I could draw’, here is how I did it:

I worked through the book You Can Draw in 30 Days by Mark Kistler, which a friend recommended to me (if I'd known then about the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards I'd have used that too, but I didn't. It's good though)

I filled up a couple of sketchbooks with terrible drawings, mainly figure studies from quickposes.com and bad drawings of my blorbos

Finally thought I had something good enough to post, posted it, received so much support and love that I carried on, and I honestly cannot thank all of you enough for that

Kept drawing and drawing, making myself do the things that were hard or that I thought were above my skill level (harsh truth: you will never get better at the hands if you don't draw the hands)

After a little while I thought 'I wonder if I can use my iPad as a drawing tablet', and started using the Procreate app (then about £4, now about £10 I think, still a flipping bargain), first with my finger, then with a stylus that came with my iPad case, then with a slightly better stylus I bought on eBay, then two years ago I got a better iPad and could have a Pencil which is AMAZING

I have also recently taken two Procreate courses on Domestika which taught me a lot of things about drawing in general and Procreate in particular and I should probably have sought this information out sooner! They were Atmospheric Scenes in Procreate: Paint with Color and Light by Ramona Wultschner, and Female Character Portraits in Procreate, by Natalia Dias, and I would recommend them both

And I kept drawing a whole bunch and my friends were super encouraging so I just kept going and didn't stop

I have tips! Things I've learnt along the way

If you use Procreate, look up and learn about clipping masks, alpha lock, streamline, liquify, Gaussian blur

Don't worry too much about brushes, I mainly just use the hard and soft airbrushes and two versions of round marker (one with low streamline for sketching and one with high streamline for line art). I have a spotty one for freckles and that's about it really for what I use 99% of the time. People will try and sell you brushes by making you think you'll be able to draw like them if you have the right brushes but you won't and you don't want to draw like them anyway, you want to draw like YOU

Use more layers than you think you'll need, you can always merge them later

You will suck at first. You will suck so bad you will want to cry. But you have to be terrible, it's the only way to get to not terrible. The only way you STAY terrible is if you give up

Just when everything seems awful and everything you draw is crap and you don't ever want to draw again, that is when you must KEEP GOING and PUSH THROUGH because you are about to level up. Persevere just a little bit longer and soon you will be staring at your own hands thinking 'HOW'

Drawing is a learnt skill. There is no such thing as Talent, just people who've spent longer learning and practicing than you have. Eight years ago I couldn't reverse park my car, either, and then I got a new job where it was really handy to be able to reverse park in the car park and now I'm really good at it. You can improve at anything if you're willing to put in the time! GROWTH MINDSET!!

[omegaremix]

Academy Annex, 2022.

I had a moment thinking about keeping my music-collecting quotient up, specifically in the areas of noise rock, noise, post-punk / d.i.y., cassettes, and other diamond finds I played on Omega WUSB. One example: Wharf Cat Records stands as one of my all-time favorite labels and it helps that they’re from Brooklyn, New York City. For some reason they have this inexplicable aesthetic to them. You know where it’s from but what and how, exactly? From what I’ve seen, it feels like it’s part of the upper-echelon of obscure music and style like where Ascetic House sits right now. There was something about Boulders’ Rock N Roll Will Never Die that stuck in the back of my mind; their sound, vision, artwork, their origins and what surrounds it. Tommy Conte and Cameron Worden’s world is far and away from what’s out there and it’s what I look for in all things Omega.

So I was curious to see what the going price for the album went for on Discogs: less than $3.00. Why can’t I have it for that price? Academy Annex was selling it, so I also checked out what else they had. David Vassalotti’s Broken Rope and Water From Your Eyes’ Structure, also Wharf Cat releases, were sold for less than $6.00 each. Then something else caught my eye: two Chondritic Sound cassettes from JS Aurelius and Believer/Law (if you know Uniform-related matters). Throw in some hip-hop singles and a couple of jazz / fusion records and that’s $45.00 well spent including shipping and New York State bloodsucker tax. Academy Annex also had another separate Discogs account where I found York Factory Complaint’s Lost In The Spectacle (more Uniform-related matters) and other releases from Nick Klein, Vagra, and Sleaford Mods. That’s another $31.00 and the second of two shipments Academy sent to me. Only Brooklyn record stores had been carrying the good stuff that my other island record stores wouldn’t even imagine carrying. “That’s it” I said. A visit to their physical store was in order.

It’s the final day of February. Since the beginning of the month I had hoped to visit Academy Annex in Greenpoint. I had this urge for years to take the train on a wintry Sunday because I had those great feelings only a few years ago. Anxiety does get in the way and then you stay local but productive. In the right now those feelings still linger on because those recent Winters provided some sentimental soundtracks, and I always wanted to get that specific Brooklyn experience out of my system. It had something to do with former follower and interest of mine who lived there, and it stands forever a ‘what-if’ every time I walk through Greenpoint because she’s no longer in the picture. It was finally time to go.

Academy Annex touted itself as Brooklyn’s largest independent record store. You walk in and you won’t believe it. Compared to my island record stores, Academy was pretty small. Remember, this is Greenpoint, a hipster fantasy land. Tenants and store owners are being hit up for twice as much and get half in return of what everyone else has. I take a few seconds to slow down to see that this place is a mess. There’s an upstairs balcony full of junk and beams that yell ‘under renovation’ where co-workers sort out new stock and is off limits to their customers. Stacks of boxes are plentiful and all over the place. Behind the counter are tattered walls, newspaper clippings, various old merchandise and ornaments hung up on the wall. To the right are other columns of half-empty bins. In front of it is a near-empty old glass display occupied by a hand puppet and a pair of old boots. How much are they paying per month to live inside that case? On the brighter side, vinyl occupies 99% of the store and they have their hand in everything. Soul, blues, and jazz? Check. Metal, new wave, and hip-hop singles? It’s there. African, Eastern Brazil, Latin, reggae, New York / New Jersey house and techno? Got it. Look even harder and you’ll find a very distinct category of their own: ‘horoscope’. How sweet.

Right as I enter, the cassette bins are to my right. I immediately grabbed tapes from Keith Murray, Grand Puba, Boogie Down Productions, The Ultramagnetic MC’s, Terminator X, and Apache. After my tape grab, I look up and find a crate-diggers dream: Wee’s You Can Fly On My Aeroplane. Numero Group re-issued it on white vinyl. Never would I imagine finding anything like that in relation to what surrounds my single-digit Brooklyn youth. Wee is a gold example of what I look for in terms of crate-digging and vinyl treasures and those can be found on Omega WUSB’s bonus broadcasts. I’m not even five minutes in the store and already I’m at $50.00. Let’s see how much faster the total goes up.

Right below the cassette shelves are the CD bins. Five each or three for ten. They would be the least expensive finds Academy offered to thin the bill. The hip-hop still continued with 3rd Bass and a still-sealed Dead Prez RBG. Other wild cards included Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Tom Tom Club, Rollins Band, and The Men’s Drift; one of two Sacred Bones records I’d nab. Most importantly, I got my hands on Depeche Mode’s Some Great Reward. One of my most valuable allies / followers here have re-introduced me to them. I told her that if I found any in my travels, I’d take it home. No questions asked. (At this moment of writing, we’re discussing it.)

I’m not one for 7″ records or 45′s unless it’s punk or hardcore. They had one box dedicated to them amongst a section of at least 25 boxes of cheap pop, soul, R&B, and other stuff. Hello, Brandy’s “Clown Pain” 7″. We meet again. This time for $9.00 as opposed to Rough Trade’s asking price of $15.00. This is the d.i.y. stuff I dream about having in my hands. Grabbed some Antiseen on translucent magenta vinyl, Poison Girls, Spizzenergi’s “Soldier Soldier” (a fun one we played one summer on Omega WUSB), Asshole Parade, and Jayne County & The Electric Chairs in solidarity with Long Island punk luminary Jimi LaLumia. I also got Martin Atkin’s Brian Brain project, Love Child Plays Moondog, and Ingstangd which looked like some pretty serious shit. On the subject of Swedish punk bands, no Totalitar. Fuck!

Now the LP’s. Academy is considered a collector store. They buy collections for top dollar, grade each record, fit them in plastic sleeves and put them out. Plenty of arrivals can be found for less than ten dollars. It’s the new releases, re-pressings, and new old stock that could potentially hurt your wallet. Add the fact that it’s a city store and Brooklyn’s rent prices are well-documented, and you can’t help to think that their prices are tough but fair on their end - sometimes. I thumbed through their hip-hop / rap singles section and couldn’t justify paying more than three dollars for something I can buy for a dollar from my island stores. Some of those singles apexed at $40.00. No. Thank. You. There were plenty of punk records from The Plasmatics, Subhumans UK, The Fall, and other acts but at $20.00 or more I had to pass. But it was some of the later vinyl grabs that made for some astonishing moments.

It was when I thumbed through their experimental section that there was no passing up two Throbbing Gristle records, Greatest Hits and Heathen Earth, a title I gave up once when Centereach’s None Of The Above was in existence. I finally have it and on blue vinyl. Those two Throbbing Gristle albums were a must-grab as I almost never see their titles anywhere. At $28.00 each, it was worth it. On that note, I wasn’t expecting finding a re-press of Robert Rental’s Paralysis e.p. Not exactly Thomas Leer & Rental’s The Bridge, but I’ll take anything. Micro-Phonies was the only Cabaret Voltaire album the store carried and that came with a $20.00 hit. After letting The Crackdown slip a few years ago, I took no chances. It still stings me to this day.

To my surprise, I found Sweeping Promise’s Hunger For A Way Out for $21.00. That’s now off my diamond list. It was that moment in which I re-considered Pure Hell for $24.00 because I asked if I really needed it, but thankfully I changed my mind. They had several copies of Shocked Minds and grabbed the least expensive one and on clear orange vinyl for five. Yves/Son/Ace was the only 12″ wild card I took home; purchased it on sight based on the attractive album cover and not knowing who they were. And I don’t know how this always happens, but I always find Excepter albums on vinyl for less than five dollars. This one? Self Destruction.  

I could not not pass up the jazz / fusion and soul section, or anything sample-related any time I’m in a store. Digging through those shelves gave me the biggest shock of the night: Lonnie Liston Smith & The Cosmic Echoes’ Astral Traveling. That record has some songs on it that literally changed my life one turn-of-the-millennium summer overnight listening to WUSB, and it was one of the last Smith titles I needed.

But not all vinyl sections bled me dry. They have alphabetized columns and then eight shelves of new arrivals out in front of the store. The other Sacred bones record, Marissa Nadler’s For My Crimes was acquired for $12.00 and she’s only one of very few vocalists I’m into. No Parade’s Ceaseless Fire and George Benson’s Livin’ Inside Your Love were also had for five each.

That’s it. I’m done. Thirty minutes to closing and I’m spent. Time to cash out. I place my entire stack on the counter with the skinny timid young lady awaits. Of course, her name is Sarah. She tallied up the vinyl records as normal until she saw the Brandy 7″. She gave it to me for four instead of nine because the store had plenty of copies and wanted to get rid of them. She also gave me the stack of CDs for free because she saw I was buying a lot. I never ask for any discounts and felt bad that she did. I told her she didn’t have to do it because I want these independent record stores stay in business, but she kept on insisting. I sighed and gave up, but I’ll admit it was nice of her to do that even though she didn’t have to.

Total cost: $311.00, about $100.00 less than what I spent last Spring at (formerly Williamsburg’s) Rough Trade. Why does every Brooklyn record store excursion have to fucking run my pockets? I already answered that question here. Then again, Academy Annex wasn’t like Plainview’s Vinyl Bay 777 where everything was graded and priced so high that I felt hopeless walking out. Not really the case here. WUSB’sJ-Ro advised me that as a customer I would be playing their grading game because they knew their stuff and how much their stock was worth. But I just had two tax refunds hit my savings and I had the money, but you still want to be cost conscious.

The trip to Academy and the train ride back to Central Islip was the only way I’d end the Winter proper. It seems like I always make a visit to Brooklyn near or on the February / March border, and it only takes a second time to make it a regular thing. Lord only knows what city store I’ll hit up next year around this time, but I’m more focused on what will unfold in the next few months. You’ll know sooner than later.

Brandy: “Clown Pain” 7″

Spizzenergi: “Soldier Soldier” 7″

Asshole Parade: Asshole Parade 7″

Wayne County & The Electric Chairs: “Fuck Off” b/w “On The Crest” 7″

Brian Brain: “Jive 7″

Poison Girls: “One Good Reason” 7″

Antiseen: “We Got This Far (Without You)” b/w “(We Will Not) Remember You” 7″

Instangd: Mitt Svar Pa Ingenting 7″

Love Child: Love Child Plays Moondog 7″

Throbbing Gristle: Greatest Hits 12″

Wee: You Can Fly On My Airplane white vinyl 12″

Yves/Son/Ace: “Parade Of Thoughts” b/w “Can’t Sleep” 12″

Lonnie Liston Smith & The Cosmic Echoes: Astral Travelling 12″

Sweeping Promises: Hunger For A Way Out 12″

Throbbing Gristle: Heathen Earth blue vinyl 12″

Robert Rental: Paralysis e.p. 12″

Shocked Minds: self-titled translucent orange 12″

Excepter: Self Destruction 12″

Pure Hell: Noise Addiction 12″

George Benson: Livin’ Inside Your Love 12″

Merissa Nadler: For My Crimes 12″

Cabaret Voltaire: Micro-Phonies 12″

No Parade: Ceaseless Fire 12″

Boogie Down Productions: By All Means Necessary CS

Apache: self-titled CS

Grand Puba: Reel To Reel CS

Keith Murray: The Most Beautifullest Thing In This World CS

Terminator X: & The Valley Of The Jeep Beats CS

Ultramagnetic M.C.’s, The: Fruits Of Nature CS

Depeche Mode: Some Great Reward CD

Tom Tom Club: self-titled CD

Rollins Band: The End Of Silence CD

3rd Bass: Derelicts Of Dialect CD

Dead Prez: RBG CD

Men, The: Drift CD

John Spencer Blues Explosion, The: Acme CD