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phantomphangphucker · 7 months ago

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Phic Phight - A Vega-Bond Space Case

@a-closet-emo @Anguished-Lurker @library-of-cronos @ghostboidanny @lexosaurus @uniasus @redactedgoose

Danny has a thing for space, always had, except now his ‘thing’ for space was more like actually physically BEING space. Danny’s also always had a thing for NASA, these two things were of course related since NASA’s entire thing was space, except now NASA also has a thing for Danny

Danny didn’t exactly have a ton of ways to go about being within his ‘domain’ as it were or satisfying that pesky little obsession of his. Yes he could go star gazing or literally fly up into space, which was great and all, but no matter how much you love and feel fulfilled by something it’s still good and needed to spice things up a bit. ClockWork subtly messed with the time stream in harmless, to time and the future, ways. Nocturne gave people nightmares even though that did disrupt their ability to sleep. Undergrowth went and ‘adopted a kid’ aka Sam to ‘raise someone worthy’ even though there was no need.

In short, everyone occasionally did something different and new.

So, Danny figured he should too. After all, he was still somewhat human and humans get bored and burnt out a lot easier and quicker. And Danny getting bored and burnt out meant an Obsessive crisis or two, which he’d rather avoid thank you very much. So he figured he‘d try something completely new, a way of being all ✨Space✨ by simply talking about it instead of staring at it or being physically surrounded by it. And by talking he means online, because he is not going to attempt to become a science teacher just to talk about space at bored teenagers or something. Sure him starting a vlog to excitedly blab about space was probably pretty silly, and sure he could also use the term vtuber since he used a 3d model to attempt to hide his identity, and sure he didn’t exactly expect many people to care; but it was nice. The 3d model was a fun little project for him and Tuck, and Sam had enjoyed picking out the things quirky clothing, and watching it move to his facial features and voice was really cool. It was almost like getting to listen to someone else blabber about space, which was super nice even if they weren’t actually even a real person or saying anything he hasn’t said before. It’s not like anyone could actually tell him something he didn’t already know anyways.

What Danny hadn’t expected was for his stupid little white-haired (because of course), shark-toothed, sparkly-skinned, virtual model vlog channel to actually do well. Like yes, some of his stuff was shorter clips, more ‘digestible’ as Jazz would say, but most of it was hours of knowledge vomit with breaths usually only taken for comedic effect. Then again, he was obsessed with space before he half died and it literally became his Obsession or before he became the literal god of space; so there was bound to be regular humans who actually did want to watch a five hour video about the composition of Jupiter’s rings and how it having slightly different compositions would change it. He’s still baffled that that video has over one million views, he’s also very thankful he went the 3d model route. He’s also thankful he still finds the channel name he picked funny: Vega-bond, after the North Star and based off of the word vagabond, since space was endless so his home as a being was effectively everywhere and nowhere and he could wander it’s and his own vastness forever. It had also caused some ‘James bond in space’ jokes though, even if he’s never actually see all those movies it was still funny.

Leaning back in his chair and editing a couple more seconds of a clip, taking a bite out of his sandwich and scowling. Ew. He really should learn to stop letting Jazz make food for him. Not only was she just as bad at cooking as he was, possibly worse actually, but she kept putting ectoplasm in his food! Intentionally or not, he doesn’t care. The sandwich goes back on the plate, he’ll get crackers later, right now he’s got a bit on asteroid turn over rates to fix. He’s also pretty sure this is the video where he goes on a bit of a tangent about the flavour of space rocks and what a star would most likely taste like to someone if they were able to eat one. Which fine, not the smartest thing to be talking about in a public form like this but hey, that hasn’t bit him in the ass yet. That Absentiona planet a few galaxies over was way too cool not to talk about okay! At least it seemed like a lot of people either thought he was theorising or that he actually worked with a space program and had been given permission to use the internet to educate people, since most people were not spending their time reading all of NASA’s public reports like he was.

…

Danny was also reading their not public reports of course, a great use of Tuck’s hacking skills if he says so himself. He left most of the internal memos alone since those were near always personell stuff and seldom related to space. (Which was something he was going to regret deeply later or maybe not). He did try to make a point to not talk about missions that hadn’t yet been made public or recent human discoveries that NASA hasn’t yet had a chance to publish their papers and internal memos on, Danny wasn’t trying to accidentally get people accused of plagiarism or rip away months to years of research away from the people who figured it out by stealing their thunder. But he’d get excited and he couldn’t bring himself to cut out stuff after the fact.

So sue him if he’s maybe stolen someone’s thunder once or twice, and maybe talked about things that humans would have never discovered, or things that humans don’t have the physical capability to comprehend. Hopefully no one tries to actually sue him though, if NASA does that he’s positive he’ll ugly cry for, like, a week.

Hearing Jazz footsteps up the stairs he tilts his head back, “Jazz! Neither of us can cook! Including with freaking ectoplasm! Stop trying!”.

She pokes her head into his room with a huff, eyes the sandwich with a single bite taken out of it, “I refuse. I will figure out a way to make it work, you need it”.

“What I need is for my food to be edible and not have definitely old and corrupted ecto in it”.

She winces, “damn. You know I can’t tell that”.

“Then stop trying!”.

“No!”.

Danny picks up the sandwich and makes throwing motions with it, he doesn’t actually throw it because he’ll probably give her a damn ecto-burn with the thing. It’s a miracle it hasn’t started moving on its own yet. she comes in anyways and grabs the plate, putting a hand on her hip and holding it out for him to put the sandwich back down on, “I’ll throw this one in the incinerator, Danny, but I’m not stopping”.

He releases the sandwich, “you suck”.

She rolls her eyes at him and eyes the computer, smiling a little, “I’m not even going to ask, since I can’t grasp your space babble any more than you can grasp my psycho babble”.

Danny snorts, shaking his head as she leaves, his sister cares but damn was it ever inconvenient and hazardous to his health. He was a freaking Ancient after all, he could get by without freaking ectoplasm, he wasn’t some weak level six ghost; stupid cravings or no. Heck, he wasn’t even a child ghost anymore so it was even less necessary! Sighing, “she’s still not going to give it a rest, is she?”.

And then his email pings. Oh cool, it’s probably another comment since it looks like it’s from his channel linked email.

It is an email.

It’s an email from NASA.

Holy shit.

By all the Ancients including himself and every single one of their domains. What the zone?!?

He’s pretty sure he actually squeaked and started floating, some little stars might have even appeared in the air.

What should he do?!? Should he open it?!? Should he ask Tuck to hack it so that the message won’t read as read?!? Should he attempt to knock himself out so he doesn’t have to deal with this?!? Should he take that sandwich back purely so he can give himself a horrific upset stomach with it?!?

It’s fucking NASA!

He can’t just… not. Like, even if that was a good idea he absolutely has to know what NASA wants!

He’s not freaking out, you’re freaking out. He should call someone right?!?

Yes.

Yeah.

He should.

Purely so he doesn’t violently click open the email in Obsession fuelled glee and horror. Tuck doesn’t even get a chance to ask what’s up, “NASA fucking emailed me, man. What do I do?!? Like it’s totally NASA, right email and everything and it’s totally to my vlog email so oh my zone that means that NASA, FREAKING NASA, has been watching my shit! Is this good is this bad should I be complimented? Do they want to talk space or tell me to shut up about space! What am I going to do if they want me to shut up about space I can’t shut up about space and why would I shut up about space! Wait what if they have a space problem and I can like totally help with that shit and they think I’m some odd expert and not some random dude in small town USA! What if they think I’m one of their men and are going to try and give me shit for spilling space secrets because oh shit I’m pretty sure no one actually released that new shit about plutos gravitational pull which is super neat and all but what if they’re mad-”

“Danny man, shut up before you start speaking in tongues or something”

Danny doesn’t even hear him honestly, “-because I could totally understand them being mad but it’s not like I’m actually stepping on their turf since their turf is actually my turf and I’m technically only letting them in it because I can and because people knowing and learning about space is like super cool and I totally would still love to be an astronaut even if that is totally not possible for so many damn reasons! But wait what if that’s what they want that would be so cool! Even if I know that’s not how they hire people and even if I totally disagree with their choice of head engineer because he seems kind of like an ass but hey I’m kinda an ass and I’d be great at the job and oh fuck what if I ignore this for too long and they send another email what do I do then-”

“DANNY!”.

Danny jerks a little bit and falls from the ceiling nearly face planting into his floor, “oh I ah, whoops. Sorry Tuck, it’s just space and NASA and what if they emailed me about space and of course they emailed me about space they’re freaking NASA and my channel is about space we can totally talk space-”.

“I’m going to have Sam show up and throw her shoe at you if you don’t chill, man. I can’t give you advice or offer to try and help, if you won’t let me speak”.

Danny curling into himself and breathing a little, putting a hand over his shirt to feel the way his core is pulsing like crazy, “right, shit, just, give me one second to just vibrate my shit out”.

“Of course, I’m going to hack your email to at least give you a heads up if you should be actually worried”.

Danny wheezing, stars just sort of popping into existence around him, “yeah, yeah, that’s good”; he fiddles with one of the little stars like is a fidget toy. He always loved the way they felt, and tasted, and they just looked stupidly wonderful. Even if he had to be careful about it since him ‘getting starry’ could be hard on people’s eyes. Forming a little planetary ring and swirling it around with his fingers, “how do I even respond to NASA without coming off as crazy?”.

“Do not word vomit? Don’t tell them you’re a space god? Don’t get mad at them for getting something wrong?”.

Danny blinks, twirling the planetary ring around his finger, “so everything I’m inclined to do? Gotcha”.

“Dude”.

“Well what if they ask for my credentials? What else do I have besides acing flight simulators and being a literal god?!?”.

“You do have a point there, but you’re actually good. They aren’t trying to sue or silence you, they aren’t attacking your credibility, they aren’t accusing you of running an illegal space operation, they aren’t questioning if you’re an alien, and they aren’t commenting on you basically having a backdoor into their systems”, he chuckles, “you absolutely should open it, man. Stay on the line because I want to hear you cry”.

Oh? Oh no why would Danny cry??? But Tuck giving him a verbal thumbs up means he can’t not open it right?

He’s stares at the computer and it’s unread email for a while. He’s nearly vibrating out of his skin, he’s pretty sure one of his arms has unfurled as he likes to call it. Spread out into goo strings and pulsating constellations of eyes and teeth, gaps in between filled with galaxy’s and miniature planets that could barely be called an arm with fingers with hundreds of joints that could be long as trees if he let them; as it was they were wrapping around his desk he thinks.

He opens the damn email.

It’s…

It’s a freaking job offer and Danny basically explodes into galaxy’s and constellations and eyes and teeth and bits of different animals, and what comes out of his mouth is utter ghost speak gibberish and random space noises even to his ears. He has to fold his legs and feet under him because they’re just too long when he’s like this, all of him is but his legs are the most needlessly long, but he doesn’t drop the phone at least.

Then Jazz bangs open the door, “Danny what the hell! Oh why!”, and promptly passes out. He manages to catch her with his tail before she hits the ground at least, he forgets that he can be incomprehensible like this if whoever isn’t prepared. He’ll just leave her lying on the fluffy cloud space dust that made up the ‘fluff fur’ at the end of his tail till she wakes up.

Him whining immediately, “T̶͈͎͚͗͗ù̴̢̜͝c̴͖̯͐̔͜k̸̲͇̹̅͑͠ ̶̛̲̀̎I̵͕̔̆ ̴̞̘̌̌̃k̸̦͚̲̎n̸̳͛o̴̟̎c̷̩̕k̶̗͍̽͛̈́ͅe̶̢̛͍̐d̷͎̞͒ ̶̞̞̆̓̕J̵̦̭̤̽ȁ̶̰̖̈́͘z̸̧͇̼͝ẓ̴̹̳̇̑̇ ̵̟͌̈̀o̵̡̝̅ṵ̷̚t̴̺̣͒̓̈́͜!”, and attempting to keep his voice not filled with the sound of dying stars.

Tuck laughs at least, “at this point she should know what she might be in for! You all space lovercraftian jerboa looking?”.

“D̶͙̪̃͠ủ̸̦̕d̵̜̑̔̒ę̴̛̥̻̒ ̶̜̊ͅǸ̵̞̐A̴̤͛͒̃S̸̢̓͗A̸͚̩̿,̴͉̊̔ ̸͂̋̅͜N̶̡̥͇̏A̵͍̐̌͘Ṡ̸͕͛̽Ã̷̯̫!̸̯̩͎̓̇̕,̷̳̈́ ̶̭̥̗̏i̷̥̘̻̐s̵͉͉̹̈͂͐ ̴͖̃͛t̶̘̚r̷͚̀̈́y̸͈͚̕ǐ̵̡ǹ̴͓g̵̣͇̱̚ ̶͖̕ṱ̶̝̫̈̂ö̶̻̲́̌͜ ̵̠̠̑ḩ̴��̅̆͊i̷͎̠̤͌r̷͈̻͐̀͠e̶̡̮̽̀̈ ̶̡͕͒m̶̧̧̬͒é̷̺͙̈!̸̜̀ ̷̳͒͆Ỏ̸̳͖̰f̴̟̩̈́ ̵̼̔c̵̨͚̅̄͊ǒ̸̺̥̊ͅủ̴͇̬͎ŕ̵̳ṡ̸̟̼̪͋̿ȩ̸̢́͆̈́ ̵̢͔͗͒İ̵̪̦͒ ̷̟͎͉̈́̎â̶̺̭̥m̴̮̄!̵̘̰͛͜ ̴̠̀͠D̶̙͆o̶̠̬͂ͅ ̴̟͕̻̃̅͂t̷͖̦̳̃̂̈́h̷̜̣͊̏ē̴̡y̶̦̙̜͐͗̇ ̴͍̞̉́ͅk̴̗͗n̶̹̒ǒ̵̼̲̬̄̈́w̴̥̄̆ ̶̣̞̂̈w̶̢̧̝͗̕h̶͕͇̓̉͘e̶̳͎̎̅ͅr̵͕̊͆ĕ̷͚̮̾͝ ̶̡̭͊͒Í̴͇͝͝ ̶̦̤̔͂̚l̶͚̦͕̔͝i̴̺̍̄̑v̸̫̎̚͝ė̶̼͔̓͛ ̷̫̥̆o̶̩̍͘͠r̸̮̹͛ ̴̩͔̣͗̍̈́m̵̨̯̲̍y̷̮̤̖̌̾̾ ̵̯̜̈́a̵̪͇̐͝g̸̭͖̋ẽ̶͇ ̶͖͆w̶̔͜h̶͕̖̘͆̒̎y̶͕͇̾ ̸̬̠̈́d̴̰̈́o̷͇̽͒͘ë̴͈̭́s̶̺̭̈́ͅ ̸̜̇͆̌ḯ̷ͅt̷̪̗̩̔̿̇ ̴͖͈̼̄̊͋l̸̛̲͈͐̆ͅǒ̷̡̗ͅö̸̥́̍͆ḱ̷̭̟̪̈́̑ ̵̬̻̈́͘ͅl̴͕̙̞̐i̵̲̥̔̇̕k̶̛̫̎ê̶̼͙ ̴̫͌̑̆t̷̤̀̾ͅh̶̠̻̳͂̏e̸̛̺̣̬͂̾y̶̫̾̊ ̸͖̗̖̓͒̇d̸̮͈͆̿̏o̶̧͇̽͒͝n̶̖̈́’̷̡͔̮́̏t̴̛̙͑͝ ̶̡̰͋ȇ̷͓̘v̷̙̈́͠ͅe̸̡̙͍͠ṅ̴̰̚ ̴̠̦̾̈͛c̴̤̘͖͗̉̽a̵͔͑̚r̵̢͔̫̽́̒e̶̼̕ ̸̥̘͒̈́͐ͅá̶͎͝b̴̧͚̞̂ő̴̟̕͠ü̴̱̐͌t̶͔̻̙͒ ̵̹̳͉͂̉̉á̶̠̯̚͜ṅ̶̦̜̈́ẏ̶̛̪͙͘ ̴̢̥͖̈́c̷͙̓̈́́r̷̜̳͖͑ḕ̴͉̣̂͜d̸̲̬̒̊͝ę̸͕̋̾̏n̷̺̤̂t̴̤̐̽͋i̸͍͕̻͌̒ả̴̘̝͑ͅl̸̺͎̅̾̈š̶̻͚́̒”

“Danny chill, I can’t actually understand you and you’re going to wreck my phones speaker, I’m taking that mess as a yes and do you really think they’ll hire you if you can’t keep yourself together? I’m pretty sure they can’t let a horror monster onto a spaceship”.

Damn Tuck always knew how to cool him down quickly, he doesn’t compact himself back to ‘normal’ though just squishes down enough that he’s not knocking anything over or making the ceiling creak. Moving that tail that Jazz is still on so it and her are laying on his bed, “r̵i̷g̸h̶t̴,̷ ̴r̵i̸g̶h̴t̶,̷ ̸y̶e̷a̵h̶ ̶t̴h̷a̷t̵,̶ ̴t̷h̸a̴t̸ ̵w̴o̸u̷l̷d̶n̵’̸t̴ ̷g̵o̴ ̵o̴v̵e̶r̸ ̸w̴e̴l̷l̴”̵”.

“No kidding. Now did you put a hole through anything with your horns?”:

Danny glances around, it didn’t look like it at least. Plus Tuck didn’t call them goddamn bunny ears for a change, regardless of how similar they looked. “N̶o̶,̸ ̸d̴o̵n̷’̸t̵ ̷t̴h̷i̵n̴k̸ ̸s̶o̶”.

“You’re getting better! Congrats! Now are you going to try and take this job? Can you even type with your fingers right now?”.

Danny looking back to the computer and the email on screen, he has to really curl and bend his joints up and one of his shoulders is going past the entire computer but he can manage, “t̵h̴e̸r̸e̷'̵s̵ ̷n̵o̵ ̴w̵a̵y̴ ̸I̷ ̷c̴a̵n̴’̶t̷ ̵a̷t̷ ̷l̸e̸a̶s̵ ̵t̵r̷y̸,̴ ̷T̷u̷c̴k̴,̷ ̵a̵n̸d̴ ̴b̴a̴r̵e̷l̷y̶ ̶b̴u̵t̸ ̴y̷e̸s̷”.

“Alright then shoot your shot, man. Just try not to give away that you’re an eldritch horror”.

Danny can t help but grin, his teeth and lips swirling and curling on the sides of his face like galaxies, “t̷h̶a̸n̷k̴ ̷T̵u̸c̵k̸,̴ ̸s̸o̴r̶r̴y̵ ̴i̷f̶ ̷I̴ ̵f̴u̷c̶k̶e̴d̵ ̸u̶p̴ ̴y̸o̴u̸r̷ ̵p̸h̵o̵n̸e̵ ̴a̸g̵a̵i̷n̷”.

“Think nothing of it, Danny, not only do I expect it but I legit do not mind at all. I’ll take my best friend getting a hella awesome job offer that makes him go eldritch nightmare fuel on my ear drums over impromptu rescue mission any day”, Tuck laughing as he hangs up.

Man is Danny ever glad he called his goddamn best friend. The message he sends back to FREAKING NASA is excited but not overly crazy. He doesn’t go on a tangent, he only hits the wrong keys a few times and has to fix it, he doesn’t accidentally break anything, and he doesn’t mention anything that he knows NASA doesn’t know about. Yes he wants the job, yes that would be very awesome, yes he promises he has the capability, yes yes yes. Oh he’s vibrating again and a couple of his stars that comprise up part of his knee explode and reform.

Jazz groaning makes him still, moving a hand to have two finger tips over her eyes, “s̶o̷r̸r̴y̷,̴ ̴t̸o̵o̷ ̴e̶x̴c̷i̷t̸e̴d̷ ̴t̵o̸ ̵c̸o̶m̴p̴a̴c̷t̶ ̸m̸y̴s̸e̷l̵f̶ ̸r̶i̷g̴h̶t̸ ̶n̷o̶w̵.̷ ̶N̷A̸S̵A̵ ̶y̷e̵s̵ ̸N̴A̴S̶A̸ ̶o̶f̵f̵e̶r̶e̵d̷ ̷m̶e̴ ̵a̶ ̴j̵o̷b̸ a̴n̵d̸ I̵ ̷a̴m̵ ̵l̴o̵s̵i̵n̴g̷ ̵m̴y̵ ̷m̸i̶n̵d̷ ̶a̶n̷d̷ ̷c̴o̷r̸e̵ a̵ l̵i̷t̵t̶l̸e̶ ̵b̶i̸t̴ ̶h̷e̵r̴e̷”.

She beams, sitting up slowly and not moving Danny’s fingers off of her eyes, “that’s awesome Danny!”, she points in the direction his voice came from, “you better have said yes”.

“I̸t̸’̸s̶ ̷N̸A̵S̷A̴ ̵o̶f̶ ̸c̶o̵u̵r̷s̸e̵ ̴I̸ ̷d̸i̶d̶!̸”, pouting to himself, “I̴’̷m̶ ̸j̵u̴s̸t̵ ̷t̴r̸y̷i̴n̷g̷ t̵o̴ ̷f̶i̷g̸u̶r̸e̷ ̸o̷u̷t̷ ̴h̷o̶w̶ ̸t̷o̸ ̴e̷v̸e̸n̵ g̸o̸ t̴h̸e̴r̷e̸ ̵w̵i̷t̶h̷o̵u̷t̴ ̷b̶e̶i̶n̶g̵ ̵a̵l̴l̷ ̷n̶i̷g̵h̶t̴m̴a̸r̶e̷ f̴u̵e̴l̵”.

She hums and taps her chin, “yeah your potential employer or coworkers wouldn’t appreciate having to wear blind folds or ear protection in case you get too excited or hyper-fixate into your Obsession too much”, humming some more, “obviously depowering yourself would be stupid, so don’t even think about it. They found you through your vlog I'm to guess, which I know you’re a little too liberal on with information, so they probably know something about you is off, so you can get away with being a little strange; your more human level of strange at least”. He’s fully fucking aware of that, hence why this was kind of a problem, even in his human form he wasn’t going to be able to contain himself super well. Just getting the job offer made him unfurl entirely, actually getting the job? He’s going to accidentally rip the building apart or something. She nods to herself, “well you will not get the job like this, meaning you will not be able to do space stuff with NASA if you can’t keep a lid on this”.

He knows tha- oh OH! Okay yeah. Okay. Right sometimes he needed others to tell him that shit for his core to get the damn message. Jazz nearly stumbling forward off his bed when he folds in on himself, leaving his white-haired ‘normal’ ghost self floating vaguely in the middle of the room and blinking at her, “point received apparently”, and shakes his head. He wasn’t exactly a super huge fan of his eldritch form, it was freaky and so disconnected from how a human body worked and moved.

She cracks an eye open cautiously before opening them fully at Danny being normal, “okay good”, standing up and moving on slightly shaky legs to his closet, “now what do you have to wear that is professional and doesn’t make you seem obessesed with space”.

He floats after her, “it’s a space job shouldn’t I dress space-themed?”, his laptop email pinning results in him nearly teleporting to it.

“No. They can already tell you’re crazy about space from the vlog, you don’t want to seem like that’s all you care about and love by also dressing in space themed clothing”.

Danny vibrates, it’s from NASA, NASA!, oh he almost wants to spread out again just to have more of him to vibrate! They set a date! A time! Three days.

It’s in three days!

They were moving so fast! Oh they definitely knew something weird was up with him! Was that good? Bad? Probably good-ish. Otherwise they’d care about his schooling and expirence and wouldn’t possibly ignore his inhumanness. He knows he’s got stars zipping through his hair and too many eyes when he looks at Jazz, “three days. They want to talk to me in three days! Me!”, and screams a little.

She hurls a button up patterned like a arcade floor at his face, “if you scream at them they won’t hire you, and what you’re saying is they’re not giving you any time to actually calm down. They are absolutely trying to figure out how you know what you know by blindsiding you like this”.

Danny gestures ridiculously, “and I don’t even care because it’s NASA, NASA can mess with me all they want!”. He pops that stupid tail of his out and bits the fluffy space dust, spinning head over heels in the air excitedly. This was awesome! So cool! Even if they didn’t hire him or thought he was utterly insane he would still get to met them! This was the best day ever!

She laughs at his antics, “you are so lucky mom and dad aren’t here right now. Even if they would be very proud”, she grabs him, stilling his spinning but almost dragging her along with, “as I am, but you definitely got to keep yourself contained. Even if they do want to hire ‘nightmare fuel’ they won’t if they think meeting you was a hallucination”.

He pouts a little, dropping his tail from his mouth, “I know that”, pouting a little more, “it’s times like this I’d rather look more like Clocky than Nocturne”.

“I know, but it suits you, and at least if you do wind up going to space legally any stars might get brushed off as just being part of space”.

“Aka part of me”.

She rolls her eyes at him before going wide-eyed and jumped up, “oh! Now I need to figure out how to make space food for you!”.

“What?!? No! Bad! What if you poison one of the astronauts!”.

“Then you can nurse them back to health”.

“Do not mess with my protectiveness like that!”.

She only laughs at him, but at least he gets himself human again, tail sticking around so he can fiddle with the ‘fluff’ while attempting to keep editing and not vibrate himself out of his mortal flesh again. He fails at that repeatedly.

----

Pretty much the only thing that’s keeping him compact and human while he’s getting ready for the goddam interview with NASA is the fact he absolutely will not get the job without being at least human passing. Sam actually showed up and stole all his space themed clothing -even the underwear!- to make sure he couldn’t wear it. He does go with the dress shirt Jazz threw at him that day, wound up picking pants that he’s pretty sure are actually Sam’s that she just left here, and a stupid pair of dress shoes Vlad gave him once. Heck he even threw on a yellow bandanna around his neck to make double sure his scars were hidden! Who knows if his medical history was going to get questioned because he’d fail that shit instantaneously.

… Unfortunately none of that matter at all.

Why?

Because the second he got to the freaking NASA field centre he loses his human form from pure excitement… and the secretary walks out before he can change back! At least he didn’t unfurl or explode! She… isn’t even surprised and that’s enough to keep him from vibrating himself into the floor. She just leads him, currently a ghost -she knows this isn’t what any human being looks like right? She can see that he’s glowing right? Right!?!-, into the little interview room.

He.

Is in.

A NASA interview room. He wants to smell the walls and eat them. Shit his teeth are too big. He slaps his cheeks mere seconds before his apparent interviewer comes in.

At least as a ghost his cheeks won’t be tinted red. Fuck him entirely.

The man actually chuckles, setting papers down on the desk and holding his hand out for a hand shake. How the Zone is this going okay? He shakes the man’s hand, his name tag says ‘A. Bowman’. Holy shit he’s one of the actual higher up’s!

… Oh they one hundred percent knew something was funky with ‘Vega-bond’ if they sent a higher up to talk to him.

Bowman eyes his own hand as they both sit down, Danny aggressively forcing himself not to float, “ghost skin tingles, interesting”, looking at Danny properly, “well I suppose this answers one of many questions, or rather most of many”.

Danny being a ghost was a… good thing? Well alright then. Tilting his head, “it does?”. He didn’t even mean to show up looking like this!

Bowman knits his fingers together and leans forwards at him, actually grinning, “it does. Your channel, you’ve talked about subjects, in depth, that even we have no knowledge of. It was much too in-depth to not be reality, and while encouraging plenty of debates is a good outcome actually meeting the person behind it is far more valuable”.

Sweet Ancients the job offer was serious. It is so hard to bounce around or something, fuck his eyes are probably glowing a bit too much to be pleasant to look at, “I technically am not actually supposed to be talking about that stuff but I get carried away easily”, and rubs his neck awkwardly.

Bowman hums at him and Danny doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. “Well I can certainly say I’m glad space excites you”, he shuffles the papers a bit, “I take it your interest in space, regardless of your state of living, is why you agreed to this interview?”.

Danny nodding immediately, “yeah! I’ve actually wanted to be an astronaut since I could walk, you know, before the obvious happened”. Oh Zone is he going to have to explain dying to NASA? “I’m pretty sure no doctor in their right mind would clear me to go to space, legally at least”.

Bowman nods acceptingly, “and based on your wealth of knowledge it’s clear you would have been willing to work towards that childhood dream, yes?”.

Danny begins gesturing a little excitedly, “I used to build model rockets and memorised every space flight simulator I could get my hands on. I spent years saving up for the best telescope money could buy and never missed any celestial event. My family even paid for a zero gravity flight once as my birthday and truce- I mean christmas present”, laughing awkwardly to try and stop himself from rambling, “I probably had a concerning amount of drive for it”.

“That’s the only kind worth having”, the man nods strongly, “anything less and this isn’t a good fit. Would you say you still have that drive?”.

“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be me”, Danny says that in the firm voice he usually used when fighting someone genuinely dangerous or lecturing the Observants about trying to inhibit him.

Bowman grins at that, “good. Then-”, eyeing the papers, “-obviously your, younger appearance means you don’t have any work experience to speak of. So what experience do you have?”.

“Does being a town hero since my freshman year of high school count as previous working experience? I feel like it should”. Like really, the sheer amount of ‘experiences’ he’s had could fill novels and pad out entire tv shows. “I’ve fist fought a god? Multiple gods actually?”.

“Typically, we strictly prefer if our employees don’t get into fist fights”.

Ah yeah, that tracked and was fair. “Think of a weird situation and I’ve probably done it, I had to land one of your spacecrafts once actually since it became sentient and tried to eat me; everyone got mind wiped because it was a little too weird for most people to handle remembering. I’ve got lots of lab experience and my hazmat isn’t just for show, especially with handling hazardous materials; granted I am made of hazardous materials. I’ve time travelled, had to wrangle sentient turkey, been inside books, been shrunk”.

Bowman shaking his head and pulling a tablet out of the drawer, holding up a finger while he types on it.

Danny really hopes he’s not in trouble, he could probably go on forever about the things he’s done. Oh and now his tails out, damn it, at least it’s just wrapped around his one ankle and he’s squishing its space dust fluff with his foot for something to do other than mentally freak out.

Bowman puts the tablet down, oh hey he was looking Phantom up! for stories about the stuff he’s done? Him eyeing Danny, “you’ve ridden a dragon and yet want to be an astronaut?”.

Danny beams, “yes!”, rubbing his neck, “dragons aren’t that special to me, since my younger sister is one. I’m literally from a dimension that doesn’t have gravity and I’ve been to space a lot”.

He blinks, “you’ve already been to space?”.

Oh are they going to be bothered he violated space sanctions? Laughing awkwardly, “I’m always in a state of zero gravity and don’t need to breathe, so yeah as soon as I knew I could I did. I’ve been outside of the Milky Way multiple times”. How the actual Zone would this interview have even gone if he had managed to stay human the whole time???

Bowman looks baffled, “you’ve actually been outside of the Milky Way? No human could ever hope to do that”, he looks more confused, “if you can do such a thing then why would you want to work with us?”.

He’s honestly a little lost on why Bowman is even confused why Danny’d want to still work at NASA, it’s NASA! Traveling to space with other people who are crazy about space would be a-mazing! Regardless of how much they know or don’t he could excitedly babble with people who could excitedly babble back and actually understand each other! He could see all their faces when they see all his space and their fascination and love for all of it! And ain’t that great all on its own? Sure he could observe them as he is now from space but it would be so different to actually be in there with them and have them actually know he’s there! Should he tell Bowman that Danny’s the one that rescued Oppy? Technically he shouldn’t have and yes the Observants gave him shit but that ‘I’ll be seeing you’ song broke his still somewhat human heart and he had to save the little fella. Danny quirks an eyebrow, “because travelling to space with others who love and research space and seeing all the wonder and research over it sounds like a dream?”.

Bowman blinks and nods, “then it’s more the people, the science, than the mere act of going to space for you?”, tilting his head, “how far have you gone?”.

“I… can’t answer that second one since that would confirm whether or not the universe has an edge”. It didn’t but he can’t be confirming that. “And that might mess with established reality and multiple gods would get very mad at me”. Bowman looks impressed actually. “But yeah, it’s the people and just getting to work with and for NASA. I couldn’t think of a better thing to do with my afterlife”, rubbing his neck, “obviously I still have my protector job to do but it wouldn’t interfere”.

“You can still protect your town while also being on a spaceship?”.

“Time and space are more malleable than people think”, shrugging, “and I can duplicate my body so being two places at once isn’t really an issue”. Not to mention the fact that he literally was space so he could move through it however he pleased. Huh, it’s starting to feel more like he’s just talking to a person than NASA which is making this freak his shit out a little less.

Bowman nods more to himself, “and if you can leave the Milky Way and return in an infinitely small amount of time then you could certainly do the same within its system”, lifting his hands up and resting his chin on them, “well my mind’s certain made up, consider yourself hired. If I may, how do you move though space and time so fast? Are there improvements we could make to our suits or crafts, you think?”.

Danny’s pretty sure his smile breaks his face a little and there’s stars in his teeth, a nebula in his mouth when he speaks, “a̷w̷e̸s̵o̵m̸e̵!”, clearing his throat and ignoring Bowman’s wince, “o̶h̸ t̶h̵i̶s̵ ̵i̶s̵ ̵s̴o̴ ̷a̴m̶a̵z̶i̷n̴g̸!”, there’s a little pop and crackle, a high pitched whine sizzle; oh shit he might have broken a minor galaxy, whoops. Being a young god was a such a pain. He swats at some of the stars that had cropped up around his head and through his hair, “heh. Got a little excited there”.

“I’m pretty sure you just created tiny stars”, Bowman looks stuck between awe and bafflement, “the sheer amount of research that would be available with stars so small. How?”.

“Uh”. Well shit, there goes the ‘be normal Danny’ crap. But! But but but but but! NASA WANTS HIM! Like ACTUALLY wants HIM! HIM! Sure he’s going to get asked so many questions about him and how he is what he is but it’ll be by astronomists! And astrochemists! And astrophysicists! And just general stargazers! He wants to scream but if he does that he’s going to terrify this guy! Ugh! Shaking his head out and possibly sending away eyes that shouldn’t be there, tail squeezing around his ankle a little, “okay so it might not be super public right now but I have space-related powers? Space is my thing as a ghost”.

Bowman makes a couple of faces, “do these powers often act up when you’re excited? Are any coworkers going to need to be briefed on you?”, eyeing the tablet, “so it’s similar to the… Box Ghosts interest in boxes?”.

Should… should Danny just say fuck it and tell this man that he’s not simply space related but the literal personification of space??? It would probably explain some stuff and holy shit no way could Danny actually really keep himself all contained if he gets to GO TO SPACE WITH NASA! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. His stupid horns are gonna pop out at this point, ugh. “Probably a good idea, heh. I’m young so I guess, you could say, I don’t keep the best lid on myself. I totally definitely want to see and get involved in everything immediately but if I do that I will definitely terrify you guys and possibly destroy something even if I will definitely be able to fix it too”, oh he’s vibrating now, great, “I can definitely be a lot in a lot of categories but you can’t really use me or mine for research, or well none of mine that’s actually like directly connected to me since studying all of mine is kinda what y’all do but the more direct me me is very ghostly and made of ecto and totally useless for human based research”. Danny manages to make himself shut up, it’s a feat really, his horns are absolutely poking out his hair a little.

A shooting stars goes across his chest and Bowman absolutely stares at it. The man eyeing Danny’s hair/horns and his face, while Danny’s trying to keep his grin from doing that damn spiral galaxy thing at the edges. “It… sounds like you view space as being yours and… your appearance can clearly change to something less human-looking”.

Oh no Danny’s made this awkward. He can’t rescind the job right? Right! “Lots of ghosts can be on the incomprehensible side, I’m generally good at not pulling that out on people. And um, it kinda is? I’m not exactly a normal ghost, more of a person who ascended into becoming a personification?”, gesturing wth a hand that’s fingers are a little too long and sharp and have a few too many joints, “I’m not gonna like spoil things or steal people’s glory or anything though I’m pretty good at making sure I don’t spill the beans on something I know NASA’s researching even if there’s nothing to be found that I don’t know but people researching and finding out and being baffled and loving space is my jam and I love it very much and would very much like to be along for the ride and aid?”.

Bowman squints at Danny, making him squeak a sound similar to Benstoma’s fire rain. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. PLEASE! “Are you claiming you’re a… personification of part or all of space? And that’s why you know things we could never hope to know and why you spent hours talking about such things online?”.

“Yes? Am I still hired?”.

… “Can you refrain from creating stars and what sounded like what we’ve hypothesised a minor cool dwarf star exploding would sound like?”.

“I won’t do it on the ship? Or near research stuff? Or I’ll keep it contained inside myself very solidly?”.

Bowman actually sighs tiredly at him, oh no now Danny’s getting the reaction he always did from people who had put up with his bullshit for a little too long. Shit. Blurting out, “I’m also the person who rescued Oppy?”; yanking out his phone and showing the selfie he took with the little rover, giving a very awkward smile. Oh the Observants were gonna be pissed about this entire conversation holy shit.

Bowman stares at him, almost looking like he’s tearing up a little, before shaking his head, “oh what the hell, who am I to tell literal space itself ‘no’”, and stands up to shake Danny’s hand again.

Danny absolutely wants to unfurl and maybe if Jazz and Tuck and Sam hadn’t been very aggressive about pointing how bad of an idea that would be then he would have. As it is he just vibrates, tail unwinding and swishing around, “y̸o̵u̸ ̸a̵r̸e̸ ̴t̸h̴e̴ ̶b̶e̸s̴t̶!”, standing up and giving the man his hand shake, quickly realising he’s at least a foot taller that he should be; crap his legs got all long and weirdly animisticly jointed.

Bowman’s blinking down at the tail, “is that made out of IDP’s and micro-meteors?”; meanwhile Danny’s shaking out his legs to get them back to a more human length.

Danny blinking, oops. Moving the tail end fluff up into his own hands and cupping it, still having to lean down a little, “yup! Most of my, uh, I guess ‘fur’? is cosmic dust. Wanna touch it? It won’t hurt you”, shrugging, “my stars do burn though so don’t touch those”.

Bowman looks absolutely fascinated and Danny is absolutely living for it! He’s vibrating again and just seeing the man poking it and thinking a mile a minute is making Danny oh so giddy. Some parts of him are absolutely getting all goopy constellations but it’s not too extreme… yet. Is this why ClockWork never really put up much of a fight when Danny wanted to do dumb shit with the time stream? Because it was just so great and satisfying to watch someone be focused in on your thing as an Ancient? And he thought talking to people in the comments section about everything space was a rush, this was so much better! He’s gonna have to make sure he doesn’t aggressively over indulge.

Bowman hums, “actually seeing cosmic dust moving as it does this close is certainly interesting”, looking at Danny’s face, “you won’t contaminate our samples though”.

“Oh absolutely not! Messing up space research would go against my nature so that’s not gonna happen”. Danny would never! Plus if he even could he would have already considering he’s already been inside basically every NASA building by now; including some that don’t exist anymore or never did and never will.

Bowman grinning, “good. Even if you can’t also be an impromptu sample source”.

Danny holding up a finger, “I also can’t or shouldn’t really, answer your questions for you. What’s on my channel isn’t stuff humans would have ever figured out so I decided it was no harm”, muttering to himself, tail flicking near the ground, “the universe overseers still weren’t happy but I hate them so whatever”.

Bowman shakes his head and walks to the door, “come along, I’ll show you around, try to contain all your space self please?”.

“If I hadn’t already been inside this building multiple times that would be impossible for me”.

“You broke in? Repeatedly?”.

“I can be invisible and intangible. And space is technically everywhere all the time. But actually getting shown around is, a-mazing. Tell me everything”.

Bowman smiles at him like he’s an excitable child and actually indulges Danny, explaining even the really simply tiny things and Danny is absolutely adoring and absorbing every second of it; he’s vibrating and stars dance across his skin, sometimes he has to smack bits of stars or galaxy back into himself but he mostly manages.

…

He also has to throw out the lunch Jazz packed him -having rightfully assumed that he absolutely would not be back home in time for said lunch- as it had growled at him and Danny refused to eat anything that could make sounds. Bowman eyeing the bag Danny crushed closed hastily, “you eat? And your food shrieks?”.

Danny sighing, damn it Jazz, “a certain someone keeps trying to get me to eat ectoplasm since I technically spend too much time in the living realm to get enough from the environment here, unfortunately she is not a good cook and I think eating ectoplasm is extremely disgusting and morally questionable”.

“That does sound unfortunately close to cannibalism, but I’m sure we could work something out with this caretaker of yours to get you approved for special lunches”.

Danny groans exaggeratedly at the man, who smirks a little at him.

And Bowman absolutely did get in touch with one Jasmine Fenton who was all too eager to try and set up program approved experimental ectoplasm space rations for NASA’s newest and strangest member. NASA’s scientists were dramatically better at figuring out how to get ectoplasm to work in physical food, so she was very happy.

When Danny got home the very first thing he did was call Tuck with, “so you know that whole don’t tell them you’re a space eldritch god? Yeah I fucked that up”.

“Ha! I’m almost impressed! And they still hired you?”.

“Yup! I might have appealed to his love for space with my stupid space dust tail, and I mentioned saving Oppy”.

“Oh how manipulative”.

“Oh shut up! Anyway he showed me around-”, Danny spends over an hour just gushing about everything Bowman had showed off to him, Tuck humours him but clearly isn’t really following the conversation. Man it was going to be awesome to talk space with people who could and would!

End.

Prompts: "Shouldn't being the town hero since my freshman year of high school count as previous working experience?" "What did you want to be, when you grew up?" Every strange thing Danny has ever done, accidentally or not, comes back not to haunt him, but to help him. Danny starts a vlog to talk about space, but as the Ancient of Space he knows more about it than all top scientists together. NASA discovers his vlog. Danny accidentally shows up to a NASA job interview as Phantom. He’s hired on the spot. Ghosts need ectoplasm to stay healthy and by golly is Jazz going to figure out a way to introduce it to Danny's diet. Sometimes you just gotta be an eldritch horror.

#danny phantom #phandom #phic phight #phicphight24 #danny fenton #tucker foley #have a fic suck my dick #phantomphangphucker #my writing #jazz #nasa #eldritch #space ancient danny #gothmoth

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