#3 of these are inspired by conversations ive had myself

[aris-has-a-paracosm]

Hi, FinFault has inspired me to finally tackle a fic idea that I've had for a while! I've never been really good at planning out grand stories but the way your fic plays out and the way you seem to have it planned out really make me want to improve in that regard!

I wanted to ask if you'd be comfortable sharing how you plan your fic out? Do you write a broad overview? Or do something entirely different? No pressure to share though I am just super curious how you do it as I stumble through this myself :D

I love this ask! This is one I really wanted to spend some time thinking about, so after much thought, here's my planning process sort of in the format of "rules" I set for myself while planning stories. I apply this to any long-form story I write, but I will be using the example of FinFault specifically, as well as the plot structure I use:

Always know how your story ends before you even start writing it, and always keep a basic plot structure that you want to follow in mind, but don't restrict yourself in your plot points. I first got the idea that would become Finality's Fault back in mid-April of 2024. My brain gave me a basic premise and a scene to go with it. I then spun those around in my brain for almost a month. By the end of that time, it wasn't quite the same as my original premise, but I had a four act structure with a beginning, midpoint, climax, and end. At the time, I did not know exactly how the ending would happen, but I knew what the ending was, which was good enough of a foundation to build on/build towards. (I later formulated exactly how the ending would happen, around September I think, but because of my pre-established foundation with what it was, I wouldn't need to alter anything about what I'd written and dropped thus far.) All of my other plot points are similar. I have planned events to work towards, but the tiny details of those events don't need to be set in stone before you reach them.

The FinFault plot structure that I use (these differ from story to story, but this is my structure as a reference of how you can use structures): Act I: the Ranchers meet and get to know each other. Site 09 and general premise of the miasma is established. This is purely introductory. Chapter 10 will likely (hopefully) be the last Act I chapter if my word count estimate is correct for the next plot point -> Act II: now that we've established everything, the scope is expanded, new characters and information are introduced, and the Ranchers further develop their relationship -> Act III: new, pivotal information is introduced, but no new characters. This is The Big Turning Point, but I can't elaborate any further on that without spoilers -> Act IV: the pivotal information is acted on, and in combination with everything gained in the previous three acts, the story is wrapped up and concluded.

It's a good idea to keep at least one (if not more) planning document along with your drafting document. Some people will keep everything on one document, and if that works for you, then do that, but that is not viable for me. These are all the documents I use for FinFault alone: (1) planning doc -- all my plot points and chapter titles are in here in bulleted lists as well as important information (such as cyborg ID numbers and which organ each lost and when) I want to keep track of. This is the equivalent of DM notes in DND. (2) Working draft -- This doc is the first draft of every chapter together. This is the only doc that I keep in Times New Roman size 12 font. I also refer to this one as the "typing doc," and I edit absolutely nothing here. (3) Beta read doc -- after I finish each chapter in the working doc, I copy-paste it here, where my beta reader adds her comments. She and I will have full conversations in these comments, but again, there is absolutely zero editing here. (4) Final Formatting -- At the same time as copy pasting a chapter for the beta doc, I also copy paste the chapter to a new, separate doc, where I immediately reformat it as Verdana size 10 font, which is what Ao3 uses. Here is where all of the editing happens, and is my favorite part of each chapter. I will spend hours upon hours editing, and sometimes, certain scenes end up completely unrecognizable from the first draft. (5) Final Compiled -- once I deem a chapter as completely done, I copy paste it into here, where all of the final draft chapters are. The word count of this is almost 10k words longer than the first draft doc (just to show how much difference the editing makes), and the main purpose of it is so I can easily find things if Ao3 happens to be down. (6) Colored Dialogue Final Compiled -- This is the same as #5, but with the dialogue of every character highlighted to a person-specific color (Tango's is red, Jimmy's is blue, etc.). This is so I can keep track of exactly what everyone says, which is crucial for such a lore-heavy fic as this. (7) Deleted scenes -- and finally, we have the deleted scenes doc, which is where I put everything that didn't work. I technically don't need this one, but I like keeping track of what did work and what didn't. So that is 7 documents relating to one chapter. For nine chapters so far, that is 15 documents, with one being added for each and every new chapter. It's a system that works very well for me, and I love using it.

When creating something that does not exist in real life or other media, you can literally make up whatever you want about it, but you MUST adhere to the rules you make in order for it to be believable. Using the miasma as an example: it's a substance that does not exist plain and simple. I reference real scientific concepts with it, but it is 100% my own creation. However, I have flat out stated that solid-state miasma moves fast and with a specific flow pattern on metal. Therefore, now that I have stated that in a finished chapter that others have read, I can never go back on that or describe it in a different way unless I have a very specific reason to do so that will make sense to the narrative.

Try not to retroactively change things if you drop your story chapter by chapter before the whole thing is written. This applies more to my writing style, where I write each chapter, drop each chapter, and then write the next. If you're writing your entire story at once before anyone else sees it, go back and change as much as you want. Of course, this does not apply to misinformation within the plot itself. If a character believes a thing, but that thing isn't true, then that's fine. Don't beat yourself up if you miss something you already included, since everyone is human, but do put an active effort in making sure you're being consistent with what information you tell your readers.

There is no such thing as a consequence-free action. Try to consider human psychology as much as you can. Your characters don't exist in a vacuum of plot points, so they will always need to process previous events even if they're facing current events. If your plot is so fast paced that the characters have no time to think between events, give them the time (and wordcount) to process and deal with the aftermath at an appropriate time later. If an event is momentous enough, your characters will very likely be facing the aftermath or at least referencing said event for the rest of the story. For example, the second half of Chapter 9 is something I only included because Tango and Jimmy could not continue with the plot until they talked about the events of Chapter 8. It wouldn't have been believable at all for both of them to immediately move on and not think about those past events at all.

Get a beta reader if you can, or at least a trusted person you can bounce ideas off of. My beta reader is my best friend and roommate, and I don't know what I would do without her. She has suggested some great fixes to plot holes I used to have, and at times, just the act of talking to her and saying my ideas aloud is enough to help me figure them out myself.

Never ever ever rush yourself. Self-imposed deadlines can be a good motivator, but if you're not satisfied with a scene and need more time to think/edit, don't force yourself to meet that imaginary deadline. Remember that at the end of the day, fic writing is for fun and for yourself. If you're not happy with what you're doing with your own creative project, then don't force yourself through it.

I know this is cliche, but the most important "rule" is to have fun! If your project is something you genuinely love spending time with, it will make your whole life that much more enjoyable. For me at least, Finality's Fault absolutely brightened my year and made 2024 the best year I've had since 2019.

Best of luck to you and your fic! I'm happy to elaborate further on some of these points, and I'd love to experience your story when you're ready to share it! :D <3

[sixofsol]

@johaerys-writes tagged my main (@heypax) for this, but since ive talked about my fics more on this blog i decided to do it here instead !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26!

2. What is your AO3 word count?

151,778

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mean, I haven’t written anything for anything but six of crows since like year back… But! I do miss writing patrochilles, and tsoa is the fandom i’ve written the absolute most for! If we’re looking back, I’ve written hadestown, steven universe, haikyuu!! and a bunch more years ago.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

we were shotgun lovers // I’m a shotgun running away - six of crows, wesper, 772 kudos

like moss climbs a tree - song of achilles, patrochilles, 446

i want someone to try, and let me down easy — six of crows, wesper, 405 kudos

from the outside looking in - the song of achilles, patrochilles, 371 kudos

twisted roots and sunny days, the song of achilles, patrochilles, 363 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES if i dont miss when i get them (i dont have the email motifs on) i always do ! it means so much someone commented and i always love having a lil conversation about this thing that i wrote.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

as much of an lover i am of hurt no comfort i very rarely write it lmao but a lot of my tsoa fics had sad endings. autumn’s coming around is the first one that popped into mind, but that’s at least slightly open ? i’ll hold your hand while you drown, less so.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like a lot of my fics have equally happy endings haha, the one that came to mind was our hair tangled in the breeze, simply because its a happy ending canon complaint tsoa fic which is a feat lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope the closets ive ever come was when i was 12 and people were like nice story but god your grammar and spelling is terrible! which was fair!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nah I’m a fade to black kinda girlie

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I never anymore but well,, Once upon a time i was 14 and obsessed with glee and sherlock and well….

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as ik

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope !

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

nope, but I would enjoy trying!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

…this is hard because wesper has been running around in my head for a year but simply cause ive been obsessed with patrochilles longer im still gonna say them

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?

I’d love to continue for everyone im about to prove wrong, and I think I even have a mostly finished chapter lying around somewhere, but I’ve just not had the inspiration rip.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m good at writing characters in general, especially when it’s from their pov. first person pov my beloved.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m not really a person who uses a lot of metaphors of writes flowery language, but i wish i was!! i love very beautiful language and poetic writing but i just don’t do that that much im pretty straight forward, which isn’t a bad thing but I wish i could expand a bit more.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

takes me out the story way too much, it’s fine if it’s like one word every now and then but nah. ive read a couple of young royals fics, and as a swedish speaker its a bit jarring to suddenly have swedish words there lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for?

If non published count, harry potter. if only published, glee!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i’m gonna be fair to myself and choose one for soc and one for tsoa.

autumn’s coming around for tsoa and a fire died last winter for soc, which ironically are my least popular fics in the respective fandoms!

thank you !! and im tagging @leglesslouie @jackwolfes @wesperbrekkered @deathless--aphrodite

[eraseur-a]

i never vent on main but this month has been so hard. tws covid, dysphoria, sex, self harm

in the past month:

i broke up with my fiance who id been with for 2 years. he was my best friend. i talked to him every day. i miss him.

it felt like i lost my entire future. i have no plan or goals anymore. i had something concrete and am now just lost.

there's nothing i care about and nothing that brings me joy. i feel like im shoving my brain full stimulation just to get by. i have no passions or interests or projects or ideas or desires or goals. ive always had projects and creativity but i just have nothing.

ive been fucking up so much at my job and its stressing me out so much i feel like im a terrible manager and didnt deserve this promotion and im freaking out and its so weird learning new social rules and watching everyones level of respect for me change. and god fuck being at work and having to talk to everyone is making me hate myself like why cant i talk to my coworkers like everyone else can. how are they having these conversations with each other and building relationships. i dont understand fuck i hate not knowing social things

and ive been seeing a new man who i like a lot but hes neurotypical and im so scared to meet his friends and family because he told me im "weird" and i also just cant allocate the energy to be around normal people i dont have any capacity or desire to do so

this has also given me major dysphoria and so much stress about my gender and sexuality. im realizing how dysphoric i actually am -- or maybe its just how dysphoric being around him makes me. this guy is amazing why do i have to be fucking weird and broken. why cant i just have sex like a normal person. i want to be with him but being with him makes me hate myself but also i should just stop hating myself right.

and then just now lost a vibrant and special community of people that shared the same interest as me that has consumed my life for 4 months. close friends. who, more than anything, i admired immensely as artists and creators and who inspired me so much. im not going to pretend like im not devastated to have lost friends and inspirations. i miss you and im sorry. all this this also means ive lost a sense of safety and faith.

and my mom got covid. and i live with her. so im terrified of my mom dying and every time i cough im convinced im gonna die. this is making my ocd so much worse, so im doing all my ocd rituals more intensely, but then shit keeps going wrong, which makes me feel like i cant even have faith in that, and if i cant have faith in that then what next will i turn to to save me. what do i shove in the emptiness

and i relapsed with self harm like... 3 times this month. i regret it so fucking much and that isnt making it easier.

it's just so much. im always okay, but... im starting to worry that maybe im not actually okay.

i dont want to talk about any of this really. i dont want attention or sympathy. im so tired of having conversations. i just needed to vent and just... share where i'm at. thinking about anime superheroes is the closest thing to enjoyment this brain has been able to get the past few days. and im terrified to admit that i am human and need a support system and am maybe not okay.

[0tterbutch]

i pushed my best friend away and out of my life a couple of years ago. i felt like i was drowning myself in her, i couldnt go a second without wishing we were together. but maybe now what i understand is that i didnt want to be close to her like that. i wanted to be close in a way that we didnt feel so guarded around one another. i wanted genuinity so badly but i was also so afraid of it. so afraid of what would happen or what she would think if she knew me deep down. i wanted to forget about her because i crushed myself with this anxiety that she would hate me if i was open with her. its been almost 3 years since weve spoken and the last time we did it was brief. and i left her with so many more words i couldnt say outloud, angry and accusatory words. i blamed her for all the ways i felt and all the fear i had. i wanted to talk in a reciprocal manner but its so hard when i dont know how to say what i mean. i pushed her away because i was afraid of getting closer and losing her anyways. its been 3 years and i still cry when i think about her. i still think about her all the time. ive spent so much time trying to understand what happened and i know now it was me. i know now that i am exactly what happened. in all my anxiety i overlooked her and how she felt, what she was going through. i was selfish and cruel and all the other things i accused her of. i was angry at myself and punished her for it. and i am so sorry for all the ways i acted and the things ive done. i was an emotional wreck and i took it out on the person i love most. i think about you everyday and i know now that no matter how much time and distance is between us, you have been the most important person in my life. you have shaped me and who i am so profoundly in ways you might never understand. im always inspired by you and i found more and more of my passion every time we would have a conversation. you were a part of me and you still are. you always will be deep down inside of me. i want to talk i wish we could talk i dont know if we will. sometimes i think that in the future ill see you again and my anxiety disappears. but then i think of that story you wrote once and i wonder if you still feel that way. i wonder if you will walk away the same way i did and all this love i have for you will remain a memory or a sweet dream. i dont think i will ever live my life without you in the back of my head for the rest of it. i dont know if i deserve to talk to you again but it is something i dream about often.

[addictivepsychology]

Day 58

I’m sadly home

We had our third date and it was so great,

It never works out the way you think it will, but this time it did

With snacks and blankets and pillows, we laid and looked at the stars

Conversations for hours and sweet barely touches

We didn’t get to see the comet, but my view was better than that could ever be

You’re awkward and funny and I feel safe

I think

I hope you’ll be comfortable with me eventually, it takes time

I couldn’t stop smiling on the way home

Now I’m inspired, I’m going to paint

The post vacation depression has started, I was constantly excited for too many days and now I’m depleted

Also a toothache

5 more days of medication, and I think it’s working

I can’t wait to kiss you

I told you that when I got home and you said yes

But who knows how you feel

Or even if you’ve thought about it

Because men don’t normally do that

I’ll be able to plan all of my dates then, after I get a negative test

I really can’t wait until we can talk again

Id be lying if I said I haven’t thought about you every day

I’m still really broken about what I did

And I’m so so sorry, but I’m human

I make mistakes, It was nice to be normal again

I’ll bake for you in hopes that you’ll forgive me

And maybe see I’m not that person most of the time

I just hope one day you’ll understand

You’ll come back at the end of the week from your work training and I’ll be done with my meds then

But I have to wait 10 days to test again

What will I do if it’s not gone, ill cry

I need to start up my hobbies again

Gaming

Painting

Art

Movies

Going on night drives

Starting to get reliant on others for happiness and I can’t be there again

Ive been thinking about the break up lately

I’m so happy I did it but I know the scars are here

I wish I could pull them out like rope but it’s not that easy

I almost feel guilty for dating when I’m not emotionally fully available

Even though I put myself out there as if I am

I know it’ll show colors in the future

But how can I fix that,

But most people aren’t emotionally available but they also aren’t self aware enough to realize it then they hurt people

Like Mr hippie, who told me that he gets bored usually after 2-3 months and parts ways, but that’s your emotional baggage

What do I do with that information,

That’s for you to sort through instead of hurting more people

We all know you’re looking for something you’ll never reach, but it’s not

My responsibility

To make sure that you don’t hurt me in the process

I almost left while you were in the shower,

I guess it would’ve hurt less than this

You’re like me in some ways though,

Open book but a shallow one, the pages will always turn but the emotions are missing

One day I’ll tell you all of this if you choose to forgive me

But men are like cats now,

They need space

A lot of space

I’m not good with spaces of any size,

They confuse me, just tell me what you want

Even though you don’t know what you want

I don’t know what I want

I know I want

You

[x1e3ju]

another rant: not persona related for the first time i think lol

ok so im back to rant on here as per usual, this time on my sister's computer which is where i do most if not all my websiting and not on my phone which is when you know it is very serious!

ok so as the title suggests, this rant ISNT! about persona 5 as ive been playing kingdom hearts and its been on my list for many, many years but my other sister finally got us a ps4 in nov of 2022 after so very long of us wanting one with her fafsa money and i managed to finish final mix.. now! very productive and not adhd-pilled of me whatsoever (i say incredibly sarcastically) but anywho, i finally finished final mix, as i've stated before and am now playing re:chain and i absolutely hate kingdom hearts' combat because it is so god damn unnecessary and pointless and horrible! but the long time hyperfixation and yaoi grind is so serious which i did not know soriku was so heavy in the game lmfao, my poor girl kairi she deserves so much better omg ToT but that's a whole different, much bigger conversation rant for another day..

but enough with long ass stupid intros, as a long time riku fan seeing his character and just how the overall story has played out so far aside from the ridiculous ass writinggg, i've been really impressed ngl! it has a lot of potential that it actually reaches, again, aside from the horriddd writing, the plot and ending in particular was very similar to revolutionary girl utena which is like. absolute peak everything for me lmfao honestly i wouldn't be shocked if it was inspired by it cuz they are soo many similarities, i kept even pointing it out to my sis (who HASN'T watched it yet very unfortunately!) cuz im such a nerd lmao. and especially with riku, im very happy he's even IN the game first of all cuz compared to most of my other sillies... like rip to my girl akechi you deserved so much better.. but anywho anywho, i really love riku's character and everything his character represents ESP from what i've seen in the com gba ver which i don't know if that passes to re:com, which is the ver im playing but i really hope so cuz i've seen some clips and he is, ugh such an amazing character so yes. im going to deep dive here with revolutionary girl utena, specifically anthy and akio as my basis for most of this lmaosdbhh (rgu spoilers and kh too of course)

i know im very crazy with how i jump to conclusions and try to "analyze" characters and all that, even from as young as i can remember myself i've always thought like. wayy too much its honestly very embarrassing but there's personally a lot of similarities between akio and anthy's whole dynamic that reminds me of riku and diz and ansem, whatever that whole mess is. i know diz isn't essentially a villain from what i've heard and seen and searching more about it now to double check what i'd be saying on here isn't complete nonsense, i forget kingdom hearts is legit nonsense and i clearly do not know much to anything at all about diz and ansem and whatever tf is happening there omglj ToT but but i will try my very best and to differentiate, ill be calling the actual ansem diz and the ansem in final mix just ansem so its easier for everyone involved lol and again ill mostly be focusing on parallels of rgu to final mix but overall, talking mostly about riku (my baby :3) yayy!

its so crazy how the final mix plot went to me, again im actually just very shocked with kingdom hearts' storylines and stuff in general. i imagine not much thought was put behind it as the writing. speaks for itself but it is actual very nuanced and again, has a lot of potential it actually reaches or could reach which is like. gold mine for me! we know that in rgu, akio is very blatantly harassing and abusing anthy in all forms, even the people around her, succumbing to the abuse he had endured throughout all his life really giving him no purpose or real reason as we see and are made to imply in episode 39 and the last scene with anthy as she leaves the school, he has nothing to really back up why anthy should stay, as of course they never will be any real reason to it aside from the abusive cycle that they're in specifically he is stuck in, having to make it everyone else's problem from lack of growth and realization (which still doesn't excuse any of his horrid actions, but was practically impossible for him to do but that is a pretty bigger conversation for what we have here to discuss today). it reminds me a lot of ansem and his connection with riku, how he used riku's body and how ansem's "motive" is never really mentioned in final mix, not that much can really be deciphered with all that darkness-hearts talk anyway but you know. and mind you, i know there's a lot more lore that goes into ansem and the reason for his existence, him being a heartless and all, same with diz and the actual ansem so again, i won't be really going into how ansem and akio are similar as individuals but just as their roles in the respective main storyline of final mix (ive stated that way too much times by now, curse you adhd) riku's body being used as just another vessel to ansem and the "darkness" that was inside of him was only really possible because riku was an easily susceptible child, as children are obviously going to be, and ansem used this position of innocence and hashtag childlike wonder lol to be able to use him and manipulate him to do his bidding, essentially. even after everything, when sora is inside that egg (for reasons i havent yet to know!) which can parallel what happens to utena at the end of rgu, riku/anthy are still in the shadows of their abusers to even save their loved one, as unfortunate as it is. it is just like the door scene with riku and sora which is extremely similar to the rgu door scene (which is when all these similarities really hit me lol), both riku and anthy are inside the door or coffin or whatever the case and they are the ones that have to be saved but it ends up being the other way around as again, the abusive cycle is continuous and unfortunately, ever affecting but it is a very big part to break free from this cycle that you try to grow, into a better person as riku and anthy did. again, they were still connected to their abusers, each to their respective cases but they were actively seeking freedom by putting love first and not just romantic love, but love at all, in all of its forms (such a nuanced thing, lol no pun intended but yes i do love that topic very much) which is something abusers do not have, as someone who is currently in a situation like this, a lot can be said from personal experience.

i think it's interesting to view how riku viewed the "ansem in his heart" as just an amalgamation of fear and abuse of all those unfortunate things. the ansem that he was scared of, not diz/the real deal, was a lot more of a disgusting type of person, someone who was "darker, more foul" as the ansem he knew was a literal heartless being, literally. and diz was able to use this fear to his advantage by being insanely creeping and threatening to him (which is where we can see abusers are still human at the end of the day) when riku could've "choose between darkness and light" or he could've realized his specialness, in a much nicer more peaceful way lol and i don't just say that cuz the combat is awful or as jokes, i genuinely mean it. and in all that, that is the literal definition of abuse! same as what akio did and even with akio's character as his prince self and his present self, we are made to believe they are two different ppl bc of how much he gave into that abuse and let it consume him, he became a monster, someone completely different in his entirety (which i fucking love that btw). and again, i know that is not the case with ansem and diz because they are literally two different people but you can't argue the general ideas are similar and the nuisances/themes are and could be there, i think it works really well for an abuse allegory. using sora, what he held very dear as anthy did utena or just the general idea of a genuine love and connection for them both which is obviously what the care and love stems from, to get riku to do his bidding, changing riku by almost entirely just to discard him later and only focus on what really threatened his power, or abusive cycle in reality (cuz ik the ansem drama goes a lot more serious and family oriented and all that lol), which was sora and in akio's case, utena (by keeping them in "eternal slumbers" in the places that they are situated in or around/familiar with). even to the way that riku treats sora in final mix, which i know isn't really him but his sort of detachment to him is very similar to anthy and how she would treat utena. which really isn't just comphet but it is something much, much bigger than that that doesn't really involve utena much when you really look at it. it is a very general sort of detachment and indifference that comes with abuse i really wished more people talked about because abuse is not just some funny little joke or something to be easily looked over! for the love of god, i am ating at so many things rn good lord. but his detachment towards sora was just his brain numbing to the abuse, losing that sense of love and almost sanity and even humanity to look at it that way, just as what happened to anthy and her barely-any-sense-of personality. like unfortunately it's still riku and it was still him, even if very little but he was still there and what we were seeing there was just the abuse and manipulation taking him over or the abuser and abusive cycle taking them over just as what akio became due to his abusers and cycle, once again as it is continuous, and what ansem's literal existence was and meant. they were or had just become amalgamations of the "darkness" in ones' hearts, the bad things and i think the game like com itself showing that you are a mix of them both and you have to balance them both is very beautiful because yes, unfortunately you can never be truly cured even more so when it has affected you even from childhood, you have to just live with it but you can grow and be a better person because you are human and you have broken free from this cycle and have control over your own life. hopefully this makes sense, i really don't wanna come off any sort of way. writing this all makes me realize it is a very messy and nuanced topic even to describe it which.. makes me love it even more lol.

ima attach some lines here i got from this website online of a let's play lmfao cuz im lowkey losing my train here ugh, fuck adhd omg. but update while writing. i am currently rereading after like an hour and it kinda came back to me. sorry if the next paragraph is kinda random and already has some topics i have already introduced previously I REALLY DO HATE ADHD but i wouldn't be here without it would i now....

seeing more of the lines now, the words and nuisances of the things he says are genuinely soo abusive oml. there's just a lot of potential like i've stated so many times at this point, within the game. as someone with a few personality disorders, black and white morality is such a big issue with me and i feel like the whole darkness and light thing especially with how they handle it with riku can fit really well into that too. i headcanon riku with ocpd, something i have because i was really shocked with how much i resonated with his character and how much i see him struggling with that. him not being able to understand how him and sora and kairi could've came to one (agreement terms i mean, lord) and taking such drastic measures with everything and being so avoidant with the things around him, even with how he had such a want for a bigger worldwide and viewed himself as if he had so much more hopes and dreams compared to kairi and sora due to the simplicity of his innate thinking and again, took such drastic measures to achieve that and even prove it, even if it was mostly unwillingly, he was able to be easily manipulated because aside from being a child, his "larger worldview" was easy to crumble because it is just built on excessive thinking and the constant need for answers (which very much reflects perfection and obsessiveness that is the biggest issues with ocpd) which is very unstable because life isn't really like that and when you can't snap yourself into this realization or have no one else to really do it for you, trust me if you don't suffer through ocd or similar things like that yourself, it is difficult asf lemme tell you that. obsession doesn't really get you anywhere and that even goes into abuse and abusers' obsessions with whatever their "motives" are. it's strange because it doesn't really make any sense as their "motives" are never really real motives and can never really be described but that is just its nature because it is nonsensical and is just a result of overdrive and it kills, as simple as that.

ok so i have a lot more kingdom hearts related-thoughts and analyses aside from all my various other cringe, nerdy thoughts (we don't discuss the intrusive or sexual ones my friends) but i think i've ranted enough for today, another mid-way update but lost my train again, but this is the longest i've ever ranted for, definitely had to get it off my chest that's for sure lol. but aside from the ranting, i hope to use tumblr more, just to be on my own but i hope to post more doodles and art related shit on here as i hopefully figure out how to work my tumblr around and all that so it's easier to post from my phone and stuff without getting the computer and eventually losing all my energy :P yes, i will be cooking up rgu au for kingdom hearts like just doodles is what is to take from all this. sorry if it doesn't make much sense i tried my best fhfdshk

[devondespresso]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

tagged by the lovely @blushweddinggowns

1. are you named after anyone? Yes! my legal name came from a nickname my mother used for her sister and Devon is actually the name of one of my cool older cousins. My sibling suggested it one day and we were like “yo thats like a cool older brother name” and it didn’t occur to us until later just how biased that opinion was

2.when was the last time you cried? uh good question. its not like it was super long ago i just have a terrible basic memory. i think it was reading a fic? pretty sure i shed a tear or two reading the epilogue for Smoke Oh The Water on ao3

3. do you have kids? no im 18. but also no if i was 40. im terrified of fucking up another human. maybe eventually ill foster older teens with my future wife. who knows

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? not intentionally, i have this habit of saying “oh joy” when someone tells me about something sucky that has or will happen because i dont really know what to do in that situation. so it feels like an “aw that sucks :(” but with the casual tone that lets them lead the conversation about it

5. what sports do you/have you played? i think i did cheer in like preschool, I did archery in middle school, and took weightlifting in high school. i’ve also done yoga on and off since summer of 2018 and i know its not a sport but no one talks about it outside of Instagram fitness girlies and im sick of this disrespect (/j)

6. whats the first thing you notice about people? first probably outfit/aesthetic, next is how they speak. tone and word choice and what they says about what they think about whatever they're saying. i have the irl subtext radar and all that does is make me cry easier rip

7. what’s your eye color? hazel?? brown? your guess is as good as mine bestie

8. scary movies or happy endings? happy endings. my imagination will convince me of the wildest shit if given the slightest bit of inspiration

9. any special talents? uhhhhhhh im pretty proud of my weird mobility skills? like ive got good balance and coordination (usually). i can put on pants one-handed? i can open doors and flick light switches with my feet? im good at climbing shit?

10. where were you born? what are you a cop /j (deep south, red state)

11. What are your hobbies? i like yoga and calisthenics and improvised dancing. i love screenwriting and film and im finally giving fanfic writing a shot! i also just like making shit like sewing and customizing figures and making little scenes out of displays

12. do you have any pets? yes my cat his name is mittens aka goose boy aka bagel boy aka wiggle man aka bogus aka bingus aka chicken aka little baby man aka loafus aka mr meow meow aka moafus aka doodle boy aka squirmy wormy aka- *gunshots*

13. how tall are you? 5′3? again your guess is as good as mine

14. favorite subject in school? theatre. i dont get to be normal. if were talking like. regular subjects then it depends on the teacher. i had an english teacher that let me do a book report on a manga. i owe her everything.

15. dream job? in an ideal world id be a screenwriter and director. but the world isnt ideal its actually sexist and homophobic and ableist and shit so i doubt id get there rn. its the gen z depression.

i sincerely dont know if i actually have 15 mutuals (statistics say yes, anxiety says no) and im nervous about tagging usually because i dont want to assume connections are closer than they actually are AND ive convinced myself i keep tagging the same mutuals too much lately AND its 2 am and i work in the morning so no tags tonight but mutuals if you want to then consider yourself tagged! and feel free to @ me in your list (tags or��“tagged by“) if you want to!

[classicanalyzer]

20 Questions for 20 Writers (where did the other 10 questions go?)

Thanks for tagging me @marvel-starwarsfangirl :D.

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

I would love to make writing a way of life for me but it's mostly a hobby. However, my mind always thinks of writing, so it's a way of life in my head. Ideally, it would always be a way of life for me haha.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

I attempt and want to keep journals of my ideas. Often my notes are what I type to others since I love to discuss them. In a nutshell, I gotta compile those conversations into actual notes lmao.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Kingdom Hearts were my main inspirations when I was in 3rd grade. It all started when I roleplayed stories outside and it was a long process of my desire to write.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Both! I feel terrified of someone I idolize reading my first draft because I don't have a lot of confidence in my own writing...it's why I struggle with writing at all despite all the writing in my head. I'm also super insecure about my singing abilities.

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

Not really but it does really help me understand why a character feels and does what they do.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

When I post a fanfic, I would definitely post it on AO3. Really hoping to write a Phineas and Ferb one I had in my mind for quite a while haha.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

I would be satisfied with actually writing the fanfic! Once I do no matter the wordcount, I'll be so satisfied.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

Note: These are some of them.

Movies: Star Wars (All movies...okay maybe except for the romance scenes in AotC lol), Lord of the Rings, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, Spider-Verse movies, Nimona.

Shows: Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, Amphibia, The Owl House, Digimon Adventures and Tamers, Regular Show, Hilda, Star Wars (Andor, Rebels, and Bad Batch), Ninjago, Community, Lupin (Parts IV-V), BoJack Horseman, Green Eggs and Ham, Lackadaisy.

Books: Light of the Jedi by Charles Soule and Rising Storm by Caven Scott, Animal Farm and 1984 by George Orwell (They were a major part of my literary journey into writing).

Fics: Timeslip by @nekodatta, MoonShadow by @a-e-redacted, Pokedex by Birdboy, Pokemon Conquest: The Legend of Ransei by Imperator Justinian, Long Distance by DoubleRainbowPudding.

(Bonus) Video Games (Just some of them lol): Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy (Especially VII, IX, and XVI), Pokemon, TWEWY, Fallout (Sadly I have never played the games yet but the story and lore of the series is amazing), Ni No Kuni, Digimon Cyber Sleuth and Hacker's Memory, Eastward, Sable.

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

If they like my story, I know it's small but every positive comment helps me write more.

10. What defines your writing style?

I would like to go for either a single-POV or multiple-character POV writing style. I might use the third person for the latter but also some signals to indicate their inner thoughts almost as if they're reacting to the written events. I think of The Catcher in the Rye as an inspiration for aspects of the writing style I want to further develop.

I love to tap into the emotions, desires, and insecurities everyone has from villains to heroes. It is what helps me write these characters and get myself invested. I also really love weaving the in-universe past with the in-universe present of the story. It gives a story a sense of a tragedy or a heartwarming continuation when those direct or symbolic parallels are made.

Tagging: @hshfsjzjsgj, @legendarycollectorcomputer

20 Questions for 20 Writers (where did the other 10 questions go?)

Tagged by: @evilwriter37

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

I think it started as a hobby for me, but at this point, thanks to The Bad Batch getting me back into writing, it is a way of life.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

Gonna go with the notes. The amount of notes I have to take now because of my TBI. Wow.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

Well, I'd definitely say The Bad Batch, and I think my friend Marshall, honestly. Talking with him about writing and writing techniques and all that gets me really excited.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Definitely the first draft one. Thanks to the TBI my first drafts miss so many things, and I constantly have to go back and add details I had completely forgotten existed. I used to sing all the time, and had an excellent singing voice before COVID, so maybe even now with a bad singing voice I wouldn't mind too much. I'm used to performances.

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

No.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3! Though I love posting my Summer of Bad Batch fics here. The reception I get is amazing.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

1,907,782. And hell no. I want to hit 2 million!

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

Movies and shows: Doctor Who, Supernatural, The Lord of the Rings, The Bad Batch

Books: Throne of Glass, Mistborn

Fics: (Okay, I love your answer for this, @evilwriter37, thank you!) As for fics I'd say Series Failsafe- Post Plan 99 from @clownery-and-fuckery. He really got me back into reading fanfic. And also System Upgrade from @just-here-with-my-thoughts. (Sorry I haven't had time to finish reading it yet!) Also probably 30 Days (on the road to healing) by @marvel-starwarsfangirl because Crosshair journaling is so intriguing!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

Probably that I write as well as canon or better than canon, and everyone's in character. And yes, I have been told that multiple times.

10. What defines your writing style?

You know, I'm not sure. @evilwriter37, any guesses here?

Tagging: @clownery-and-fuckery, @squad-724, @just-here-with-my-thoughts, and @marvel-starwarsfangirl (Sorry if I'm missing anyone? My memory's bad today.)

[faecaribou]

Dr. Iplier checking egos for a concussion

Dr. Iplier: How old are you

King: 2 gallon

----------------------------------------------

Dr. Iplier, holding a sign: What does this say?

Wilford: I can't read

----------------------------------------------

Dr. Iplier: What are your parents names?

Eric: I am an orphan.

Dr. Iplier: That doesn't mean- no, but- Derek-

-----------------------------------------------

Dr. Iplier: Hold still, I need to grab a band-aid-

Yancy: *spits out a tooth*

Dr. Iplier: Oh my go-

Yancy, picking the tooth up and giving it to Dr. Iplier: You dropped this, king!

[yomogi-mogi-mochi]

Pygmalion (IV)

Pairings: Rook/ (Pygmalion) Reader // Idia/Reader (Platonic)

Summary: You were frequently told that your career as a renowned sculptor did not match your dull and less than colorful personality. With your cybernetic hands, you carve the lives and deaths of those long gone‒ producing pieces which have been held in both technical and emotional high regard, dubbing you with the title “Pygm.AI.lion” despite your human heart and brain. When you accidentally still the usually flamboyant archer into silence after he comes across you working in your atelier‒ you find that you’ve become a victim to one of his ceaseless stalkings. Though, you’ve been prey long enough to know how hunt the huntsman himself.

Notes: I've been reading more of Song of Achilles and I'm sobbing. Help lol

Sorry updates have been slow. I've been working between fics‒ I have an Orpheus inspired Vil fic coming out soon-ish??? We'll see how my creativity is fairing after completing this chapter lmao I can feel myself burning out as we speak. Short chapter but I have big things coming next chapter

Comments and kudos always appreciated ヽ(●´ε｀●)ノ

CW: Hints of depression?? Mention of death. Not really much else except bad French oh my god it’s so so bad

AO3 Link Here.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 (Here) // Part 5 // Part 6

Masterlist

——————————————————

Grief anchored you to the ground for minutes? Hours? Days? You weren't sure. Your sense of time had been long broken when you separated from the rhythm of human life‒ and you would let yourself rot for however long you wished, knowing‒ painfully‒ that it would not matter how many more centuries you stayed harbored to that misery, as it would just circle back to the same emptiness. But you knew it was long enough to warrant a visit from Idia of all people, who examined your arm with a careful eye.

"Seems fine now. Your Orpheus system is just lagging because you haven't upgraded your physical body in its entirety for a while.” He let your hand go, falling limp into your lap. “I can whip up something quick‒"

"It's fine." You tried to say it as neutrally as you could, but it came out strained and hoarse instead. Porcelain teeth grazed the insides of your mouth, gathering saliva in your mouth to fix the dryness in your throat. "I'll be alright, little flame." You corrected.

"Ortho misses you, you know."

"Is that so?" You clenched your fist, testing its movements. "It'll pass."

Idia pushed a stiff breath past his lips to release his growing frustration. "Hah? Sorry‒ what? 'It'll pass?'"

"Yes, it will."

A violent vermillion licked the tips of his hair. "Be so serious right now (Name)." He stood suddenly to his full height, knocking the wooden stool behind him. "You're finally free and this is what you are now?"

He was nearly three feet taller than your sitting height. It would have shook a bit before to see the difference from his small stature during his childhood, and now at the cusp of his adulthood, but it didn’t now. You challenged him with an empty gaze, cold as splintering ice. "And what am I now?"

"You know what I mean."

“I’m not quite sure. Enlighten me.”

"I know it's not simple.” He began. His chest heaved with desperate, slow breaths‒ you could tell that he wasn’t used to raising his voice. There’s a slight pain that made you squint your eyes. “Ortho reminded me that you need to value your heart, as much of a fault in human programming it is. You taught me that first, you know.” If an answer was expected at that time, you did not give it. “If you keep cornering yourself into what S.T.Y.X tried to make of you, you’ll never actually be free from them.”

There was a familiarity in this conversation that slumbered somewhere in your hazy memories, that prompted you to answer as automatically as the reflexes programmed within your bionic muscles.

“You don’t know me.”

Idia’s sudden strength almost surprised you when he picked you up by the scruff of your collar, face bright from the orange flames that flickered onto his face. "No‒ don't you dare‒"

"I'm not interrupting something, am I?"

The door opens wide, revealing Rook with an amused stare. You were sure you locked it‒ but everything seemed to blur together in your head.

"...No." Idia's hands left your collar, letting you fall solidly onto your chair. You slumped into yourself, turning to your drafting table to keep pretending like you were busy like when Idia had first entered.

"Just…think about it, please?" He says quietly, turning away to leave. You couldn’t bring yourself to nod, or shake your head‒ unsure if who he was talking about was truly the one implanted in your mechanical body. So you merely stared at the bare paper, bent and wrinkled from the several days you had spent laboring over its blankness.

“A spat with the Ignihyde house warden? Now that’s a sight to behold. One could only imagine what you have done to prompt such a response.”

“I was being cruel.” You answered‒ almost a warning, a violence to fend him off. That fire felt seasoned in your throat, perhaps you had someone else’s memories deep down that had spat the same wickedness from it.

Rook tried again. "Critique is not quite the same without you."

You felt your voice echo in the hollowness of your body, ringing in your ears. "Really."

"Yes‒ no one appreciates or loves beauty quite like you do." He shakes his head. "As Le chasseur d'amour‒ I find it simply pitiful that I am unable to be in the presence of your masterful critiques anymore."

"I don’t love beauty‒ they were just my observations."

"Ah but I know it‒ I feel it!" He exclaims, pacing between statues bearing foreign faces. "You love beauty most of all‒ Maître d’Ivoire, is it not what has pushed you for all these centuries?"

You evaded his last statement, turning your face sour at the thought of even contemplating what truly had been dragging you through the centuries. "Knowing and feeling are two different things."

"Oh?"

"Knowledge does not require sacrifice. Feeling does." Something deep was swelling inside you, which plunged your voice into a quicker pace. You weren't sure what it was, but it singed more than the archaic violence in your throat. "Knowledge is obsession‒ there is nothing you just give to obtain it. Feeling‒ however‒ is love, it is giving a precious part of yourself to make room for something, someone, whatever." You stumbled over your sentences, urging you to bite your lip to quiet yourself.

"Hm. Then in that case I do not know which one beauty is for me." His hair sways as he turns towards you again. "This is so like you‒ Maître d’Ivoire. You make me question new possibilities. Tell me‒ what do you think it is for me?"

"Hunter of love, you say?"

"Oh, vous parlez ma langue?"

"I lived in the City of Flowers, I speak a bygone version of it."*

"You're from there?"

“Je viens de nulle part.” I am from no where, you dismissed with a quick tongue. "As a hunter‒ do you truly care if it's love or obsession? I imagine it doesn't matter as long as you're fed."

He thinks. "Hm. I suppose it doesn't. But I would like to think I love it.”

“If you merely think of it then you do not love it. Beauty is but knowledge to you. When you love it‒ you feel it, and let it feel you‒ unravel you, break you if you stay long enough.”

The smile began to falter from his lips. Cruel, you knew it. But you had warned him, hadn’t you? The words didn’t stop from your mouth. “Obsession is young, it takes, it conquers. It is tethered to ephemerality, and therefore is the brightest, the most beautiful. But it devours itself eventually. To love is pain. To love is to prevail beauty, to feel absolute reverence in whatever shape it takes. If in your eyes…” the breath hooked heavily in your chest, reminded of his words, “With my human eyes, that's all I can see”. You started again. “If in your eyes, it is beauty, then so be it. But to love it is to know you'll grieve over and over and over again, for it is a part of your heart." When you talked with him, you felt so sure of your words despite the centuries weighing heavy on your chest. You pierced your gaze into his own, looking far into the lush green of his eyes. “Would you fear that? Lingering and loving a thing enough to know it’s absence, le chasseur d'amour?”

Hunter of love. The title he wore like a crown felt like dust when it touched your lips. Once again, you were blurring the picture of clarity in his mind with a hazy heat, an aching hunger which rolled inside him that urged him to join your hands in breaking beauty, breaking truth. But he remained frozen.

His eyes shook at your words, your unblinking gaze searching for any fear, any grief, anything‒ in hopes that he would pluck it from its own heart and hand them to you‒ fill you with any particle of humanity. If it was him, surely it would feel fresh like the hunger in his eyes. Rook clambered those things in his chest, he felt the roles of the hunt were tipping, fiercely tumbling between animal and human‒ but he felt himself allowing it for once, his grip loosening and his chest swelling euphorically at his flowering palms.

“I am not scared.” He reveals quietly to you, as if whispering a secret. “Just greedy for it. For everything. Maybe it’s not all black and white as you say.”

Too many fruit bore in front of his eyes, and every second he spent inspecting one made another rot. He starved below the base of the fruit tree, paralyzed in choosing which delectable sweetness he could latch his lips onto for eternity. There’s no time, no time, not enough, he seethes.

You saw the quiet fire in his eyes, looking aside in shame. You had no right on the matter‒ you could linger as long as you could‒ you had the choice to leave people first before they hollowed you out with their absence. And even if you stayed, it would be fossilized under the deep pressure of eternity‒ their faces would become unknown to even you, forgotten forever. True death‒ you witnessed it, created it over and over.

Right, this again. Humans did not have this privilege. But you did.

You felt far, impossibly small for these vast things.

“Yes. You’re right.” I am no longer entitled to such things.

“Then how about you? Do you love it?”

“I…” I shouldn’t. I can’t. Not again.“…I have no right on the matter. You shouldn’t listen to me.”

His frown loosened into disappointment. He grips his sensitivities back into his chest once more, quieting his footsteps as a kindness as he walks towards the door. “I see”.

You clumsily clasped his wrist with your gloved hand. “Wait‒” He turns, with wild eyes. “I didn’t mean‒“ What were you doing?

Despite the stillness in his body, you could feel the warmth rumbling through his wrist through your gloves, into you sensors. “Can I show you instead? And‒ you could help me decide?" You felt like a child again, begging for forgiveness, justifying your ignorance to people twice your size. "I don’t know. I truly don’t. I wish I could tell you. I'm sorry."

“...Okay.”

You slid your arm to cup your hand over his. His lips twisted slightly, but allowed you to guide his fingers towards a familiar statue, encrusted with soft, pink wax. You pressed it against where her cheek was, her flushed skin, warmed from the sunlight and life that was fleeting within when you touched her with your bare hand. You felt hers, then his heartbeat jump in your hands.

“Tell me, what does she say to you?”

Rook was silent for a moment. “Can it speak?”

“Her.” You corrected gently, running his hand in across her jaw with the soft force of your own. “Her name…I cannot remember, time is bitter to me right now. But feel her‒ what do you feel from her?” You felt your fingers lingering on his own, before they parted from him, your body falling to a chair.

As he felt the fluttering heartbeat‒ gradually slowing in his hands, a storm of stimulation buzzed inside him. This felt like sweetness leaving his lips, leaving his mouth dry, but honeyed. She feels green with greed, but in the light it shines pink‒ like tender flesh, like love; and blue, like the quiet entropy of the cosmos. Everything felt so raw‒ the colors and his senses fresh to him like a child, or a man nearing death. When the beating burrowed in the wax slowed to a whisper, she felt lighter against his touch. But he still felt her warmth dancing in his palms, leaving a ripple of colors before it turned snowy white in his mind. A frosted fragrance, like pine, smoldering to ash in the fireplace. It reminded him of Christmas nights with his siblings, where distant laughter could be heard in the room over as he drifted into blissful stillness. The warmth felt like a hand in the dark‒ like when his father had guided him through the forest on early winter mornings to see the sun rise. Your love carved into this cold flesh‒ felt so alive, felt like everything, everywhere, all at once.

He felt a swelling in his entire body, every nerve, every cell in his body felt bigger than he was, threatening to burst at his seams. It was the same feeling he had felt when he first encountered this statue‒ a bittersweet fire at his tongue, something writhing under his bones, begging to dig its way out.

The beauty of your craft had been knowledge, something he had merely observed before. But even his exceptionally sharp eyes could not have felt so tenderly, this, that, here, there, all of it. Only when you had led his hand heavy towards fleeting life, a ceaseless thing you had felt in the centuries of your existence‒ had he truly loved the heaven-laden beauty crafted by your hands. You were right. Before, he didn't want to give a single drop of himself‒ seizing your life as a fruitful opportunity, sweet but quick to rot. Now, he felt himself sinking into it, feeling, smelling, and tasting its whole as a part of himself, before he carried that flesh to his mouth to become a part of his mortal blood. Oh gods, it was delicious to eat the world so tender. He could feel himself falling off his bones.

“Do you think that is love? It’s been six hundred years‒“ You gulped the heavy air between those words. “I just know anymore‒ what humanity or beauty or love is. I'm a fraud. I'm no artist. A fraud."

He suddenly understood Idia’s angered response. If you were a fraud what was he? “Maître d’Ivoire. You know better than anyone, those words could not possibly be true.” The muscles behind his eyes tightened from the salt that lurched behind them. He cradled his own thoughts in his chest, guarding it with such tightness he feared he might break them. He let go to reach a hand towards your bare hand‒ feeling the warmth pouring from yours into his bones, softening that hold inside of him even more. When he spoke, he merely traced the words inside of him, spending no time decorating with meticulous distance like he always had.

“It feels like a storm is buzzing inside me. Like the bitter chill of a quiet morning. Like sweetness leaving my lips‒ spacious, but sweetened. She feels green with greed but shines pink in the light‒ like tender flesh, like love; and blue like the quiet entropy of the cosmos.”

“Oh‒“

“Allow me to finish. Everything feel so raw when I touched her‒ I felt like. Child or a man of his deathbed. And when the life stopped‒ it still felt warm, and colorful. It was like cool pine, smoldering to ash in the fireplace. Like Christmas nights with my family, nights where I hear distant auger from the other room while I drifted off to sleep. The warmth felt like my father’s hand in the dark‒ when he guided me through the forest on early winter mornings to see the sunrise.” He sucked in a deep breath to catch his own. “If this is the life and death you have touched others with is not love, I would not want to know it.”

You gave him an owlish stare, unable to give a response to his words. Now, you felt far too close, tethered to your body and its rising warmth that tingled at your cheeks. You brought your fingers to your face to check your temperature. They shook with your twitching blood, unable to register anything other than their tremble. If you had a stomach, you would have heaved it out with your heart at that moment you realized Rook was still holding your bare hand in his own.

“That’s so…” Your hand squeezed his. “…sappy.”

Rook gave you the same look you had a second ago, before bursting out in a fit of laughter. You quickly trailed behind him with your own chuckles, but you don’t let eachother’s hands go. The atelier fills with the lightness of your laughters, the two of you clutching stomachs and throwing your heads back and forth, but you don’t let eachother’s hands go. The weight of that touch grounds the soaring feeling inside of you, hand in hand, sharing that gravity together.

“Not only are you an artist‒ you are a comedian too? Fantastique!”

“Only because I did not know you were such a sap! But I should have guessed‒ le chasseur d'amour.” Your laughter began to die down to chuckles. “It’s been centuries since I’ve laughed like this.”

“I am glad to be the reason you have.”

——————————————————

Notes:

You know, in a perfect world, there would be an English or Japanese to Old French translator. Or I would have some linguistic talent. Unfortunately the transition from Roman Vulgar Latin (the dialect of Classic Latin spoken in the Western Roman Empire) to French is so fucking convoluted because Charlemagne tasked an English who didn’t even speak a lick of Latin (or any Romance languages) to “French-ify” it by making all of the spelling literal from the pronouciation of the Latin word. Also French has a bunch of other influences like Celtic languages (Gaulish‒ because oh yeah, the Roman Empire was big but so were the Goths) and others because after the Roman Empire fell, things were a little bit chaotic until countries began to differentiate themselves by the Middle Ages were Middle French emerged as a closer relative to contemporary French.

If it’s one thing I can’t do it’s languages. I can barely speak my native language (Japanese) or my second language (English), and sometimes I’m illiterate like genuinely I look at my writing sometimes and I’m like ….What? I’m sure you all share similar sentiments about my writing sometimes lol. But sorry for the historical accuracy this time. My academic Achilles heel consists of non-applicable math and sciences, and linguistics.

Fruit tree analogy stolen from The Bell Jar lol I love Sylvia Plath

Sorry this was kind of short. But I have something bigger planned for the next chapter

[gobstoppr]

a ramble about . having hand and wrist pain that all started hitting me at once .theres no real thesis i just have been thinking about shit . happy disability awareness month .

god for what, over 4months now , ive had chronic hand/wrist pain thats made it fucking frustrating as all hell to do . the things i want to do . i cant play games for hours at a time . i can barely draw for over 30 minutes at a time without a break (oftentimes i have to take breaks long before that point) . i cant scroll on my dash forever since even with the keyboard shortcuts it strains over time (sidenote but CHRIST can i just . but a bookmark on a point on my dash. i want to come back there later and scroll from there . iwant the site to stop lagging ). everything i do i have to consider how bad my bones will hurt from it and if i can do it, if its something i can adjust to make easier on my hands, if its something worth 'wasting' what i call my 'hand stamina' for the afternoon. like oh if i play video game then i wont be able to draw or do shit for like at least 30min .

ive gone to the doctors. ive gone to the tests . its not carpel tunnel they say ! thank you for clearing that option after 3.5 months of pain. now i get to do more trial and error tests to see what i have . ive finally gotten at least like. the orders to let me get physical therapy so hopefully that can help . just side note i fucking HATE decentralized medical care holy SHIT why cant this info just be fucking shared between u guys . i wait 2 weeks between getting to go into the doctor and say 'yea mate it still fucking hurts' so they can give me a different appointment 2 weeks later and so on . its so much fucking treading water . weve been over this bullshit . why do i have to wait 2 weeks to see the dr for 10 minutes and then figure out an appointment . i just fucking . god .

i have to go to college in a month . im not going to be better in a month . im definetly never reaching what was once 'normal' condition for a long time . its . its hard to think about that shit . i feel like ive been trapped ykno.

i remember . for about 3 months. starting in late september 2021. i was having an absolute fucking blast . i had spamton brainrot . i could pump out several small doodles a day, sometimes multiple cleaned up/colored sketches, every couple weeks i might make a fully finished piece . i could spend hours upon hours just. doing what i loved . drawing silly guy who i liked . seeing what the other people in my community were doing . art, creativity is a conversation to me. i see peoples works, i get inspired, i want to create, even if i don't have anything in particular to say at that moment . it doesnt matter i have no ideas for posing or anything . i wanted to create . and i created .

i could be in my element . have this conversation . this feedback loop of inspiration . a constant improvement to my own skills as i just enjoyed art how i enjoy art . i'm mad at myself for not taking more breaks. im mad at myself for not fucking stretching all these years . but i will never regret my time . it was worth every second . and even if im not always interacting with everyone i met thru that time, im forever thankful for getting to meet all of them .

this is sounding a bit mopey huh . ok some quick advice then for this sorta shit in general.

for one . yes i know its fucking hard . but please just stretch a lil sometimes . even just learning one or two u can do pretty consistently can help u get going . this page has alot of good ones.

two . get yourself a good dumbass friend to watch stupid cartoons with you . yes im serious . if it were not for having my sister this summer to watch anime for children i would have gone insane with boredom whenever my hands hurty so i cant do shit . find yourself some bullshit to binge and laugh at . highly recommend the yokai watch dub of seasons 1+2 . good head empty but very entertaining shit . incredible for passing the time

three . find shortcuts for doing smaller straining tasks udont really think about . for example, theres the more prominant things like using keyboard shortcuts to navigate ur dash, but then theres stuff like realizing . oh trying to cut my sandwich with a knife is a kinda weird strain and because the bread is so soft its hard to cut super easily . so now i just . tear my pb+j up with my hands to cut it . jsut rip it . its not fucking worth the nonsense

yeah ok i think im out of things to say for now but yea. fucking hands huh . take care of yourselves gamers . i apologize if this is a bit gloomy

[senbons]

do u hv any general tips on writing? ive spent so long re reading ur fics to learn from them, and each time im absolutely amazed at how good it is, like, each word feels like it needed to be there including words like "really" "probably" "even" just small things like that, make it so real, and as if we're actually reading the character's thoughts. also, when it comes to fics, do you base it off your own life? or do you some research, if so are there any sites u use frequently? have a good day <3

Hmmm okay

I'll go slightly out of order (under cut bc trying not to spam dashes):

First off, thank you so so much!! Wowzers! Every time someone says they've read something I wrote more than once, it makes me so, so happy!!! And to do it with the intention of learning?! Whoa! I'm so touched! Someone once told me they learned a lot whenever I did that "commentary" on coming up tails... I planned on doing that w ch. 11 of aibg (that someone requested)... maybe I should rally? Idk, if you think it'd be of some use, lmk and I'll begin this weekend. That said, I never took a writing class apart from one memoir one, so idk much. I'm also just kind of going with the flow and hoping what I write makes sense! I don't think I'd ever have enough confidence in my writing to go into a creative lit class or anything! (funny you'd say that about not having one excessive word bc I'm actively trying to write LESS... I think I always have too many unnecessary words 😂)

(vaguely answered inspo before) I do base a LOT off my own life. Mostly conversations I'm imagining with people I like. Like I have a crush on this guy (see any other post), and a few months back I saw him in a store and we didn't speak, but saw each other. i kept imagining he would wait outside when i exited and i'd walk up to him and the first thing i'd say to him, meeting him in person for the first time, would be: "i'm going to hate myself, aren't i?" "why?" he'd ask. "for having sex with you." and that obviously didn't happen, but i imagined it over and over and am always tempted to write a ST story w work enemies based on that one fantasied-conversation. does that make sense?

The easiest ones offhand are ALL of On Pride. I did get a splinter and meet a classmate at the hospital week one of undergrad. I went to dinner with someone i liked all through law school and he always knew it and it always felt like the timing didn't work, but he also was single and then went out with someone else? but i still am positive liked me? idk (this and hospital were years apart and different people). Or in paper moon, I had a think w a guy in barbados that was similar... or had the same conversation at the cloisters in ny that they have in the church about god... So point of the story: yes, a lot of things are based off dumb shit in my life, but most is based off imagined-conversations with men. also a lot on scenes from media I consume. I'll see a movie, love one plot point, think about it for weeks, and then decide to write it down. (or these days, you guys... i did a rough outline of that whole royal!au/bodyguard!au after someone put it in an ask 😂)

That all said, I don't do research for inspiration... but when I have a question (see this answer) I just google. during oh, oh I'm on fire (worth the tag even though no one will read? 😭) I called my mother so many times to ask about the 70's (i.e. did you say fridge or icebox growing up? when did grandma stop wearing panty-hose?). So that's basically it? (i even read a book specifically for that though!). No specific websites. Sorry I can't be of more help!

And then, finally, general tips:

just write. That’s the most important. Edit later if that helps. Just keep writing.

I am a pro-outliner. But sometimes that doesn’t work for everyone. I love it because I can lay out the big things and then see where I have gaps. And when I need motivation, i already have the section basically drafted. So if I’m having to force myself (which happens — it’s work. There is always a few parts (sometimes more) of a fic I have to grit my teeth through), I already have what I want to say outlined and can just write it out and by the time I finish that section, I’m into it and can move onto the next thing. I love outlining. It helps me see the big picture too. And when I need motivation, I’ll just reread my outline.

If that doesn’t work though, then just write. And when it gets hard, see if you can just eek out one more page, even if you hate everything you’re putting down, just to get over that hurdle.

And find friends! If you ever need someone to look at your writing, let me know! I have no superlative ideas, but can always be around to talk through things/motivate!

Anyway, sorry for this morbidly long answer. I hope at least some of it was of use. And thank you for this message! It really made my day to see it as soon as I woke up!

<3<3<3

[bringingglory]

thank you so much for the tags @hanamuri @fullmetalscullyy @megthemighty @nightofnyx8 @tsaritsa !

How many works do you have on AO3? 11! some are botw, one is tdiapt, some are fma, and some are haikyuu! i mostly just write for whatever im interested in at the moment/whichever fandom inspiration strikes for

What's your total AO3 word count? 101,939

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Keep Your Friends Closer But Your Enemies Closer - T: ahhhh my miraculous ladybug fic! ive literally been working on her for FOREVER and i swear to god im going to finish it, i literally know how i want to end it and i know all the events leading up to it. hell, i even have a vague idea of what i want to happen in the middle, i just need to know what order the middle stuff happens in and also i just have to write it. It's an AU where Ladybug and Chat Noir are actually enemies but then Chat Noir accidentally befriends Marinette and then drama etc etc etc.

rain - G: first zelink fic babey! set Pre-Calamity and basically link and zelda get stuck in a cave because of the rain and there's just a lot of quiet pining, etc etc.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa - T: HAHAHA this was a crack fic inspired by my roommate but then i forgot it was supposed to be a crack fic while writing it and there are accidentally real emotions alkjdfalksdf but anyway it was very fun to write lmao. it was based off this meme and basically it's an AU where Oikawa is Spider-Man and Iwaizumi doesn't know but they still like hang out and stuff. It's a lot of fun, or at least I think it is, haha.

stolen moments - T: first royai fic!!! just a series of "stolen moments" (mic drop) where roy and riza like cant be together but yknow, they try. lots of pining. etc

a secret weapon of sorts - T: 5+1 edwin fic inspired by the Simple People OVA where instead of ed giving winry earrings to get out of trouble, he gives her kisses.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Yes! I try really hard to!!! Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I don't respond to comments for a while, but I absolutely do my best to when I remember because I feel like it's my way of saying "thank you" for them reading my fics in the first place, haha.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Uhhhhh, sleepless I guess? But it's more open-ended/not explicitly positive more than anything, though even then I feel like I've got a hint of hope in there. alkjdfhalsdk idk man I just, I can't write *pure* angst, there's gotta be some light, and thus I could never end anything angstily

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? LMAO most of my fics??? I guess??? bc despite being an anxious piece of shit, I am an optimist by heart

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? When I was younger! Idk, I guess the Rise of the Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons fandom??? if anyone remembers what that is lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not exactly? Maybe some weird comments on KYFCBYEC but even then, it wasn't that often.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No no no no no no no no. I am telling you, I physically cannot write smut. I don't think I actually have the capacity. Absolute fucking kudos to every single smut writer out there bc it truly is an art form capturing that intimacy and emotion and etc, but I literally get flustered from writing mildly detailed kiss scenes. If I ever wrote smut, I would burst into flames on the spot.

Actually lies, I technically wrote smut once, but it was at the request of my roommates and they wanted me to write a crack smut fic of Y/N x our uni's mascot and I wrote that thing in like 3 hours with so many silly memes to keep myself sane (not like other girls, tongues battled for dominance, etc), did not edit it, and because it was so, like, not serious, I was actually able to get through it. But even then, when I wrote "thrusting" I literally had to put my laptop down for 20 minutes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! Someone commented on Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa and asked if they could translate it and I said yes! They haven't gotten around to it yet, but I would love to see it if they do!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet!

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Bro it changes day to day. You can't ask me this lmao. The current ship I'm most fixated on is Iwaoi, but I wouldn't say they're my all-time favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not answering this energy. On god, I'm going to finish things. I want to.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very good question lmao. I don't really like thinking about "strengths" in my writing bc who am I to say? akjdslakfjdf idk, instead, I'm just gonna say some things I like/try to do in my writing, which are: conversational prose/having a lot of voice in the narration, I try to add humor wherever I can, and recently I've gotten better and metaphors and describing things bc I picked up writing poetry a year ago!

What are your writing weaknesses? hmmm, a thing I dislike about my writing/the writing process is that I'm slow to publish things and slow to finish things because I'm such a messy first drafter and I also take forever to edit. I would like to uhhhhh get things out faster. Also I tend to repeat myself a lot bc I forget the details of things I write sometimes lmao.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Hmmm, I dunno, I guess I don't have any strong thoughts? The only other language I know is Mandarin but even then, I suck ass at that, so I'll prolly never write dialogue in another language simply bc I like to try to portray things semi-realistically and I don't think I have a good enough grasp on any other language the same way I do in English to produce authentic enough dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Fablehaven I guess? But Idk I was in fourth grade an didn't even know what fandom was yet. Rise of the Guardians, maybe?

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

AHHHH idk??? maybe hold your hand out in the dark because i really experimented with my writing on that one and im sort of proud of the result, just like the fact that i wanted to try something new and it turned out alright. that or Sunset Wheeling which is an iwaoi fic where they just skate, and like it's prolly one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever written because it's silly and they just. skate. but aljdfalsjd idk i loved it and i churned it out in 6 days and it was a lot of fun lol

ahhh a bunch of people have been tagged already, so sorry if im tagging you again, but for now im just gonna tag @niconiconina @notkorras @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @firewoodfigs and anyone else who wants do it!

[peachcitt]

okay, so style reference you say? I'm 👀

YES STYLE REFERENCE I SAY

this is going to be. a very long post i think with probably a lot of tangents and probably with a lot more thorough explanation than you could ever want but. here we go

because all of my theory/explanation posts end up So Long, i like to organize myself by keeping myself to a structure, and i also like to think if i put stuff in sub categories with bolded titles, people reading can skip ahead to the stuff they want if they're low on time or don't feel like slogging through everything. so here's the structure of the official Peach Style Reference Narrative

1. Early Days - how i started writing, my early inspirations, origins

2. Current Days - discussions of current style references plus examples and comparisons, discussions of original content versus fan content

3. Future Days - where i expect my writing to grow, trajectories i want, conclusory thoughts

without further ado, let's get into it!

1. Early Days

like i mentioned on the discord server, ive been writing creatively for. a very long time. i just turned 20 (like. literally today. we love to see it) and that seems very young, but i remember writing creatively when i was maybe six or seven, and before that i played with dolls a lot, which meant every day i was creating little narratives for myself. in addition to this - and this is probably why i started writing so young - i was (and am!) a very avid reader. i was that little jerk in elementary school reading chapter books and going into the older kids' section in the school library because i'd already mentally surpassed the books in the section meant for kids my age. so, basically, ive been writing for maybe 13 or 14 years at the least.

when i was young, my favorite books that i remember trying to copy in my own stories were: the magic treehouse books, harry potter, and percy jackson.

the magic treehouse

i honestly could not tell you which magic treehouse book it was, but i remember reading a specific magic treehouse book where the magic lady that left the treehouse for the kids sends the kids (jack and annie??) a note in distress, and she didn't get to finish signing her name because whoever had gotten her had interrupted her. it had been printed in the book with the ink on her name running.

i could not tell you anything else that happened in that book, but i can tell you that at some point in time soon after i read that book i started writing a story with an interrupted letter just like that. i loved the drama, the mystery of it all. i wanted to do something that was a little scary like that, a little exciting.

harry potter

harry potter isn't much of a style reference, but it was a huge impact of my childhood. truth be told i kind of hated the books when i was really young because i grew up watching the movies, and when i tried to read the books when i was in elementary school, the teenage angst that hits about book 5 simply Did Not make sense to me. i also find the language of harry potter to be super cumbersome, and sometimes it feels to me like the books are long just for the sake of being long. they have a huge cultural impact, but i feel the same way about harry potter's style as i do about dickens. cool and interesting, but, like, could you get to the point already? (and also my opinion of j.k. rowling has steadily been growing worse and worse over the years, for obvious reasons. harry potter is nostalgic for me, but i can't look at it now without thinking about it critically, which really lowers my opinion of it)

however, you could probably call my first fanfiction a harry potter fanfiction. i started it when i was maybe six or seven, and it was a rewrite of the chamber of secrets with my childhood best friend as the main character (she didn't know about it, i just had her as the main character because i thought she was cool). i of course never finished it, but harry potter probably did a huge part of planting that seed of magic in me. everything i want to write included some form of magic - although my perspective on what can be considered magic has steadily expanded over the years.

percy jackson

of all my childhood "style references" that still influence me to this day, percy jackson has got to be the biggest. for starters, it's magic. second, it's main themes are about friendship and family - things that i like all my stories now to always include. third - and most important - is the narrative voice.

in terms of narrative voice, percy has a huge personality. he's witty and snarky, but also very thoughtful and poignant. a lot of my early writing was in first person, and it's probably because of percy. also, percy jackson was the first fandom i really got into, and it was the first media that i started officially writing and posting fanfiction for. percy's voice is so clear and hooking, and i wanted to be able to write something funny and real like that.

also - chapter titles. the original pjo series is famous for its weird and hilarious chapter titles, and even though i didn't really start writing fics or stories that were long enough to need chapter titles until a while later, i loved the idea of putting in a chapter title that would make a reader laugh, or maybe even make a reader feel a little apprehensive about the events to come.

but back to percy's narrative voice. i loved that style, almost conversational, so much that i started thinking like it. when i wasn't doing anything, like walking home in middle school, i often found myself narrating my life in my head like percy would, trying to find that humor and spark in my every day surroundings. i still find myself doing that very often, but not necessarily in the classic pjo style. now i narrate everything in my head a little differently, but that practice narration in my early days really helped my shape my voice, i think.

other series i read when i was younger include: a a series of unfortunate events and the name of this book is secret. i don't remember seeing a lot of influence in my early writing from those books, but i definitely think the styles of those books hit me a little later, which i will talk about in the next section.

but, yeah. these were the big three of my childhood. i also read a lot of ya romance, children's mystery books, princess stories, and various types of fantasy, which i think you could probably tell from the genres i like to stick to now. except i don't write a ton of mystery because, as much as i admire the complicated plots, im not sure if i'd have the patience to plan all that out.

in terms of the rest of the genres, a ton of my earlier writing included classic ya romance and fantasy tropes - chosen girl, love triangles, angsty overpowered teens, etc etc. even though those kinds of stories are not necessarily the kinds of stories i want to write or read now, i think my early writing of those kinds of things was really valuable. it's kind of a dirty secret with finished or unfinished works generally considered 'cringe' - often that writer is a new writer, or they're trying something new, or they just haven't found their voice yet. all of those things are perfectly okay and normal, and a lot of people in the writing community preach that kind of thing, but i don't necessarily see people cutting new writers slack in actual practice. writing "overrused" tropes isn't cringe, it's normal, and, besides, what trope isn't overrused? people have been writing and telling stories for thousands of years - nothing is really new. what matter is that someone new is telling the story, and that's what makes it valuable.

so, yeah, a lot of my childhood writing is cringe to me now, but i wouldn't be where i am without it.

with that being said, let's actually look at where i am now

2. Current Days

im going to break this section down into two parts, sort of: original fiction and fanfiction. because i think both of these things have become really important to me, and i don't believe i personally could exist as a writer without one or the other. it's a symbiotic relationship.

we'll start with fanfiction.

my relationship with fanfiction is relatively positive in online spaces: i write what i want to see from media that i like, and i have fun doing it. i also get some comments on my fics by lovely people that detail exactly what they like - some even go so far to talk about narrative style, voice, or tone - and that's really helpful. generally, i see fanfiction not only as a fun hobby and vent space for my strong positive feelings about certain media, but also as a place for me to try new things, experiment, and earn positive feedback.

i don't often share my original fiction online (and if i do, never at the same scope as my fanfiction), so i don't get that same opportunity to see what "works" with readers. fanfiction gives me the space to see that, and i apply new knowledge ive learned to my original fiction. that's what i mean by a symbiotic relationship.

in terms of specific style references for specific fics (which is what i know you probably most want to see), i'll try my best to pick them all out and give specific examples.

those benevolent stars and i am the messenger by markus zusak

in my favorite book list, i saw you mention tbs, so i'll start there. to be honest, i had no idea what my style reference for tbs was when i first saw your tags, and i almost didn't think there was anything specific. style references are a bit sneaky like that - if you've been referencing for someone for a long time, it becomes less of an intentional reference and more of just a you think, so it gets harder to tell.

lucky for this post, i just finished doing my yearly reread of zusak's i am the messenger, and as i was reading, i noticed a few spots where i was like wait hey i remember doing that.

for starters, iatm has been my favorite book for about six or seven years now, so i would say that some aspects of my style certainly comes from zusak because of how much i love iatm but also his other books. zusak has this huge talent for writing short, punchy sentences that convey so much in just a few words, and i think i've ended up trying to do that in my own writing. often, in my writing you'll see fragmentary sentences such as "He stopped. Blinked. Looked at her." that's not from anything specific, but i know ive written something like that maybe a million times over. zusak doesn't do the same thing - often his fragments are jam-packed with imagery in a way that mine aren't - but there's a thoughtfulness in his fragments that are in mine, too. a sort of pause. a hint that there's thinking happening in the narrator or a certain character. for example, i did a quick flip through of my copy and we have:

"We stare across the table.

Just briefly.

At each other." (I am the Messenger, p.144)

so you see how my common sentence fragment of "he stopped / blinked / looked at her" tracks with a fragment like this? i like the way zusak broke up sentences to make you dwell on them a little longer, consider the importance of each section, so i started doing that wayy before i wrote tbs i think.

also, at the time i wrote tbs, i think i was in the process of, or had just finished doing my reread of iatm, and, like i said, zusak loves imagery. tbs is a very imagery-heavy fic. tbs was influenced by a lot of music - a lot of the scenes have very specific pieces of music that i wrote imagining the tone and vibe of. iatm also references a lot of outside media sources, mostly music and films.

there are a couple of scenes in tbs that i think i wrote specifically mimicking or accidentally referencing from iatm. for example, we have this scene in tbs:

"It was almost like he could feel Marinette’s eyes on his back, steady and gentle. 'But you still love her.”

'Yeah,' Adrien said quietly, 'I still love her.' His eyes moved along a streak of purple that bled into a dark blue. 'I hate her a little bit, too.'

Marinette was silent.

He turned around, giving her a smile." (Those Benevolent Stars, chapter 3)

and this scene from iatm:

"'Do you hate me, Ed?'

Still stupid with bubbles and vodka in my stomach, I answer. Very seriously.

'Yes,' I whisper. 'I do.'

We both smack the sudden silence with laughter." (I am the Messenger, p. 233)

obviously there are differences, and i don't think i did it on purpose, but the interaction is very similar. i love the gentle intimacy of that scene in iatm, that weird complication relationship between the main character and the person he loves, the hurt, the brushing it off with laughter. so i wrote a scene that incorporated those things

zusak is also really good at writing moments of quiet into his books that aren't necessarily important to the plot, but are still important. if you've ever read that ghibli meta post talking about the 'quiet' between scenes in studio ghibli scenes, meant to give both the audience and the characters space to breath, it's like that. nothing in iatm is not imporant - it all serves a purpose, even the quiet moments, and i try to do the same thing. there's moments like that in tbs i think, like:

"Marinette gave him a small smile before turning back to her ice cream. Adrien tried to eat his ice cream a little faster, licking up where it had dripped onto his hand.

They were quiet for a while longer, and Marinette finished her ice cream. She leaned back on her hands and looked up at the dark sky, littered with stars.

He could see them all in her eyes, too." (Those Benevolent Stars, chapter 3)

and in iatm, you get scenes like:

"Our feet dangle.

I watch them, and I watch the jeans on Audrey's legs.

We only sit there now.

Audrey and me." (I am the Messenger, p.120)

so i definitely think tbs is a very i-am-the-messenger/markuz zusak-inspired fic. there's a lot of zusak's quiet, and there's the pieces of zusak's style that i've picked up along the way that really shine in tbs

tomorrow and this body's not big enough for the both of us by edgar cantero

ive talked about cantero a few times recently, but, as you've probably noticed, in relation to my fic called 'tomorrow.' i wrote tomorrow pretty soon after reading this body's not big enough for the both of us, and i used tomorrow specifically to experiment with cantero's visual writing style. in all the books by cantero ive read, there's this kind of hyper-awareness of a film gaze - how a certain scene would be shot on a camera, dialogue as script writing, and other things like that mixed with prose. i thought it was fascinating, and after finishing this body, i really wanted to play around with that idea. so i wrote tomorrow keeping in mind a "film gaze." for example:

"Two figures sitting on a rooftop, silhouettes. The moon hovers over them carefully, a crescent afraid to break the silence. One of the figures takes a breath, looks up into the sky at the hesitant moon, and he sighs. He closes his mouth again." (tomorrow)

versus in cantero's work, where we get descriptions like:

"And then, like a high-heeled coup de grace, she arrived.

She paused briefly outside the door, her hourglass silhouette cast upon the glass panel with the fresh shiny vinyl letters" (This Body's Not Big Enough for the Both of Us, prologue)

the tone of the two excerpts are very different, but there's a very visual sense to both of them, like they are being described from a shot in a movie rather than a regular work in prose. in tomorrow i also work a lot with specific camera imagery - saying where the camera goes in the scene, what it focuses on - and this body doesn't do this too much, but cantero's meddling kids does at least once that i remember.

regardless, after finishing this body, i wanted to try my hand at the visual structure that cantero uses in his works, so i really leaned in to the idea.

chat noir's white french man hit list for feminist purposes and grasshopper jungle by andrew smith

this is, as of right now, the most recent fic on my ao3, and i started it the literal day i finished grasshopper jungle. i think you might be getting a theme here - i read a really good book, and then immediately after i start writing something. the easiest way to get inspired as a writer is to read.

chat noir's hit list is a fic that is very much aware of the fact that it is a story being told - you don't know by who or for what real reason until the end, but it's a self aware sort of story. it's also very snarky and sarcastic, and it expands past just the confines of its own story; it's about chat noir and his hit list, but it also talks in depth about emilie agreste, chat noir's relationship with ladybug, and his relationship with himself. this is very much the kind of thing that you would find in an andrew smith book - grasshopper jungle is a story being told to you, and it's also about more than just the original pieces of the plot. the narrator tells the story that expands past regular confines of the story he means to tell - he's telling the 'history' of his life and his town, but he also talks about his great-great grandfather, the origins of the ketchup his girlfriend's dad eats, and what's happening in other parts of the country as he and his best friend are hanging out. the line in chat's hit list of "stars exploded, the sun did not, life continued on" was very much a grasshopper jungle and andrew smith-inspired line.

at the end of adrien's narration in chat's hit list, he says:

"It should be mentioned at this point in time that this story is not over, although I’ll stop telling it here.

So that’s the story of Chat Noir, who is also Adrien Agreste, who was very much a normal boy, except for the fact that he wasn’t. It’s a sad story, but it is also a happy story, and it is highly confidential. I’m sure you understand." (Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List for Feminist Purposes)

and at the end of grasshopper jungle, as the main character is closing out his narration, we get:

What I have written here is not the history of Eden. It is the history of the end of the world. All real histories will be about everything, and they will stretch to the end of the world.

The end of the world started when Andrej Szczerba slid into the cold sea as his boy, Krys, watched and wept and drifted closer and closer to the United States of America.

Nobody knew anything about it." (Grasshopper Jungle, p.382-3)

It's not overtly similar, but the structure is the same: recognition of the end, short summary of where we started and left the story, tag phrase that was used prior in the work. when i was writing the end of adrien's narration, i didn't mean to mirror grasshopper jungle so closely, but sometimes things just happen that way - honestly, so many of the things i do in my writing aren't intentional, they're subconscious. when i make a conscious choice, it's related to plot or to a new strategy im applying to style or voice that i'm not used to, but a lot of the things i do fly under the radar in my brain unless im purposefully trying to piece them apart like i am here.

i will say the meta-story of chat's hit list was pretty directly inspired by grasshopper jungle because i love meta stories, and i like using opportunities to put them in. i just love the idea of reading a story of someone telling someone else a story, which is what the two books by andrew smith i've read have been, and i think that's just fascinating, which is why i used it here.

ive gotten a couple of comments on chat's hit list that liken the narrative style to pseudonymous bosch's the name of this book is secret and lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events, which i thought was really interesting, because i was purposefully trying to make the voice an impression of andrew smith's voice adapted to the tone of ml, but i could definitely see their reasoning.

andrew smith, like i mentioned before, likes specifics - what exactly people were doing at certain times, where a specific bottle of ketchup came from, etc. from what i remember of the name of this book is secret and a series of unfortunate events, i remember the descriptions included in those books chock full of highly specific, snarky details that aren't truly necessary, but do a whole lot in terms of adding a certain flavor to the narration. i won't try and look up examples from unfortunate events and the name of this book, but here are a couple examples:

"See, the thing about Emilie Agreste, formerly Emilie Graham De Vanily, is that she was what could be generously called a ‘radical.’ Born in 1969, like most amazing and world-altering things, Emilie Graham De Vanily grew up in London alongside her twin sister, who is a nice enough woman and who is not really that important to this story, and she was raised with the firm and gentle hands of people who had witnessed war and cruelty and had found that they did not like at all. Emilie Graham De Vanily grew up learning about the true history of England, which is not a very nice history, truly, and she grew up knowing that people with white skin like her were historically not all that great. That, historically, was a very radical thought." (Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List for Feminist Purposes)

from chat's hit list, and this:

"In 1905, being seventeen years old made you a man. In 1969 when hungry Jack fought in Vietnam, seventeen years old was a man. My brother, Eric, who was somewhere in Afghanistan, was twenty-two.

Krzys Szczerba came across the Atlantic with his father. They planned on working and earning enough money so Krzys's mother, brother, and two sisters could come to the United States, too. People who did that were called Bread Polacks. They came here to make money." (Grasshopper Jungle, p. 68)

from grasshopper jungle. once again, obviously very different, but you can tell im playing around with that same feeling of giving a surplus of facts in my narration in the same way that andrew smith does. you can't really tell in the grasshopper jungle excerpt, but oftentimes the surplus of 'facts' serves almost a comedic effect, which is definitely something that you can feel in chat noir's hit list.

[REDACTED] and six of crows by leigh bardugo

as a reward for sticking around through this, i'll give out something fun here. the current long fic that ive been working on recently has proved to be very bardugo-inspired, particularly six of crows-inspired.

in six of crows, bardugo gives us action right off the bat and then integrates flashbacks into lulls of action so that there's never truly a dull moment. i found [REDACTED] to be a fic where i wanted to use flashbacks in a similar way, so that i would get something like:

"She doesn’t stay for the whole parade, but she stays for enough of it. Nothing unusual happens, just like always, but she still makes cursory patrols around the city, ending up at the Eiffel Tower, just like always. She sits on the railing way up at the top, and she crosses her ankles, swinging her legs back and forth and humming softly to herself as she watches the sun set.

'Little kitty on the roof, all alone without his lady,' he used to sing when he’d gotten back to their meeting point from patrolling his half of the city before her. It was just a silly little song, one that he’d clearly made up for himself."

It didn’t hurt until he’d been akumatized, and she’d seen that one version of the future - the one where he’d destroyed the whole world because of Gabriel Agreste. She’d seen him then, a lonely figure in white, humming his little song to himself. Who knows how long he’d been like that before she’d been transported to him, how long he’d been really and truly alone. (REDACTED, chapter 1)

and in comparison, we get a lot of scenes in six of crows like:

"Kaz leaned against the ship's railing. He wished he hadn't said anything about his brother. Even those few words raised the memories, clamoring for attention. What had he said to Geels at the Exchange? I'm the kind of bastard they only manufacture in the Barrel. One more lie, one more piece of the myth he'd built for himself.

After their father died, crushed beneath a plow with his insides strewn across a field like a trail of damp red blossoms, Jordie had sold the farm. Not for much." (Six of Crows, p.205-6)

bardugo uses most of the flashbacks during a time in which the main characters are on a long sea voyage, which means they have a lot of time to reflect on their pasts and what brought them to these situations - it's a smart way to fill the empty space of the sea voyage and to really dwell on how important the voyage is. in a similar way, i chose to use the flashbacks in dull or lulling moments in the events of the story, ones in which marinette lets her mind wander or sees something that makes her remember something specific.

however, here's a situation where you can see me adapt the style into something that makes more sense for me, personally: in my excerpt, the tense changes between the current events and the flashback events, while in bardugo's excerpt, the tense stays the same at a comfortable past tense. when i was writing my fic with the flashbacks, i thought the constant, sometimes abrupt, switching would get confusing, so i made sure to always have a clear line using the past and present tense that readers could consciously or unconsciously take notice of.

so there are a couple of instances within some fairly recent fics i have that have specific callbacks to specific books. there are a whole bunch more, i think, but these are the ones that ive played around with intentionally the most recently or the most often.

3. Future Days

based on my recent rapid experimentation in fics (the most recent four fics on my ao3 have been very experimental in comparison to most of my works), i really anticipate a lot of growth in my overall style. ive been having a lot of fun experimenting and throwing in things that a few years ago i would've never even thought of, so im really excited to see where that might lead me, style wise.

i think as a writer there's always room for growth and learning, and that kind of growth and learning comes from not only practicing writing, but also reading. i cannot stress enough how valuable and impactful reading is on writing. considering ive been trying to read a lot more than i have been in recent years, it makes a lot of sense that ive been making a lot of weird decisions and learning more about what i want to see in my own writing.

honestly, if you ever want to know about any of my other fics, or you want to see how this kind of thing translates to my original works, just shoot me an ask! this post is already long enough, so i think i'll go ahead and end it here, but just know you can always ask questions<3

thank you so much for asking me this question and letting me indulge, and thank you for reading!!!<3<3<3<3

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

[addoration]

anyways i should have done this earlier but the fact is that i didnt, so here it is now! 

i would like to sincerely thank a lot of people. you have supported me and helped me through a time that was hard for everyone. this includes everyone on the botw writers discords that im in, but it is especially about my friends in the his dark materials server. you have really kept me going! when i started the hdm server, it took a little time for it to grow and i was worried that it would flop, but it didn’t! and now its absolutely filled to the brim with wonderful, lovely people who continue to support and love me. im in awe of you all. so thank you, and happy new year to everyone. i hope 2021 brings you all happiness!

some people i want to individually thank: 

@avasteriscus and @sleepyhades: thank you for being great friends and being so supportive in my botw endeavours! i haven’t forgotten about you despite not being active on the server much any more; in fact, i think about you both daily! i hope this new year brings you both joy and good health <3 

@thenightisfullofangels: god, vienna, where do i even begin? thank you for being the best mod that i could ever ask for! and thank you for inspiring me continuously, all the time! you are the reason i started writing for b/b and the reason i will continue writing for them. i live for your live-comments on my fics and for your b/b longfic. your writing astounds me every time i read it, you always leave me speechless. i love you very much! <3 

@illumimorow: ro, ily! we haven’t spoken as much recently because ive been swamped with work but we’ve had some absolutely great conversations and i’m missing your headcanons! when i’ve finished my essays, hopefully you’ll see more of me!!! <3 

@milfcoulter: you’re hilarious avery, im so pleased you’re in my server! thank you for making me laugh so often, its been much needed! you make the server a brighter place and im so thankful for you!! <3 your fics are wonderful and your art is wonderful and im so thankful for your continued support and love!

@rhaized: firstly i want to say that im SO thankful that you joined my server and that you’re enjoying it there! it means a lot to me. youre the whole reason that we had a fic exchange! so i want to thank you for that too! your mary/marisa gives me life <3 

@i-was-bored-so-this-happened: rae, rae, rae, you’re quite literally a ray of sunshine! you really brighten up the server with your jokes and sun personality, and im so thankful you’re here! your edits are sooo cool (you always get the colours just right!) and i would DIE for kit! i love all the little snippets of her we get to see and i hope you will continue to share that with us! <3

@viawrites-andacts: via, you are possibly the sweetest person ever. if ever there was a human being made entirely of goodness and kindness, it’s you! your support and love has meant the world to me and i adore all the asks youve sent over the past couple of months reminding me of your love, because sometimes i need that. im so, SO thankful for you, i couldn’t possibly express how much! <3

@circe-s and @bunnydearest: my wonderful penpals! thank you so much for agreeing to exchange letters with me, i love it so much! i know i havent replied to your last letters (im swamped in school work at the moment!) but hopefully i’ll get them out to you by the end of the month! thank you for being around for a chat whenever ive been down and needed someone to talk to. youre like big siblings to me <3 

@dustasterisms: it’s not letting me tag you audrey but i hope you see this nonetheless! im so so happy for you! i’m sorry ive been a bit absent but hopefully we can continue to be friends! you’re going to have such a wonderful life, i admit im a little jealous but it doesnt diminish the little sun that glows inside of me whenever i think of how happy you must be! i adore you, you know youre like a big sibling to me! <3 

thank you all for your continued support and love, it means more than you could ever know. im so thankful for all of you! at risk of sounding like a broken record repeating myself over and over, i hope that this year brings you all happiness and good health to you and yours, because you all deserve it. you’re all so kind and good to me and all i can do is thank you all profoundly and hope you know how much i appreciate you. so, thank you, and here’s to another year!! <3