#incorrect quotes markiplier egos

[faecaribou]

Wilford and Host: *sitting on a bench looking miserable* Dark: What's wrong? Wilford: Sit with us and I'll tell you. Dark, sitting down: Well? Wilford: This bench is freshly painted. Dark: Host: Yeah they did it to me too.

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2610

(Dialogue from Baldur's Gate 3.) Bonus:

[foxtamer113]

The other egos, watching a bloody Wilford hug Dark:

Dark, smiling contentedly:

[incorrect-quotes-egos]

Yancy: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Wilford: They do.

Bim: …Why did you say that with such certainty?

[shabeeboothedrawingender]

I saw this in ADWM and it was funny for my AU, so I made this.

(App: Twinote)

[uncorrectegoquotes]

Wilford: 'You'll never find the body' is such a boring threat. A better threat would be; 'You'll never stop finding the body.'

Host, bored: Or just say, 'They'll be finding parts of you for at least four months...and you'll still be alive for three of them.'

Wilford: Now that's a threat!

Bim, covering Eric's ears: *horrified silence*

[septicwriters]

Dark: "Get on your knees."

Anti:....

Dark: "I said get down on the ground!"

Anti: "What? S̛o ̕we ca̴n ̛t̛alk to͏ e͜a͜ch̀ot͡he̷r̛ at ̛th͏e͞ ͡sa̵m̨e h̶ie͝g̀ht̕?"

[adalwolfgang]

(Inspired by @archiviststar)

(Viewer): I'm having problems with a guy.

Wilford: Like his dead body won't fit in your car problems or "you like him" problems?

(Viewer): The “I like him" problems.

Wilford, shrugs : Too bad, I could have actually helped you with the other types.

(Viewer): …

(Viewer), trying not to crack a smile: You would bury yourself?

Wilford: Yeah I mean- wait-

Wilford:

[not-mary-sue]

Actor Mark: As far back as I can remember, I always knew I deserved to be dead.

[uncool-hero]

Markiplier Ego Incorrect Quotes

Abe: Why is there blood everywhere???

Wilford: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife

Abe: YOU STABBED SOMEONE?!

Wilford: No, no, aggressively poked them with a knife

[theknightmarket]

HAPPY NEW YEAR, LADS! Here’s some incorrect quotes to celebrate that were meant to be for the anniversary, but I forgot about them. Spoilers for fics that I’m toying with or am in the process of writing!

Dark: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have?  Wilford: Dorito’s cool ranch.  Dark:  Dark: I'm just gonna assume zero for now.  Wilford: I love that song.

Illinois: You know you can die from that, right?  Bond!Reader: *smoking a cigarette* That’s the point.  Google: *drinking alcohol* We’re trying to speed this up.  Bing: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*

Dark: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.  Mark, after kidnapping the DA: I will politely decline.

Detective!Reader: You’re alive.  Murdock: No need to sound so disappointed.

Engineer!Reader, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.  Google: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

Yancy: If there’s one thing I learned from Bing, it’s to set people’s expectations real low, so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

Heist!Reader: Dammit, Mark, you ruined everything!  Heist: You’re welcome.

Dark: Fine! I don't give a shit!  DA!Reader, watching him keep coming back from the mirror: You seem to give a lot of shit for someone who claims not to give a shit.

Bing: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, that’s fucked up. Like c'mon, you know I’m dumb as hell!

(Engineer!Reader is on a business trip) Google: Ew. What kind of tea is this?  Bing: I boiled gatorade.

Heist: Please, picking locks is my specialty.  Heist: *throws a brick through the window*  Heist: Okay, let’s go.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*  Ghosts!Reader: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. 

Everyone: Engineer: ...I did. I broke it.  Reader: No. No, you didn't. Wilford?  Wilford: Don't look at me. Look at Mark.  Mark: What?! I didn't break it.  Wilford: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?  Mark: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.  Wilford: Suspicious.  Mark: No, it's not!  Damien: If it matters, probably not, but Noir was the last one to use it.  Noir: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!  Damien: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?  Noir: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Damien! Engineer: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, cap.  Reader: No! Who broke it!?  Everyone: Yancy:  Hey, bud… Illinois' been awfully quiet.  Illinois: rEALLY?!  *Everyone starts arguing*  Reader, talking to Host: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.  Reader: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.  Reader:  Reader: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Murdock: So you like cats?  Detective!Reader: Yeah.  Murdock: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Police!Reader: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Mark’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

Engineer!Reader: Why are you two always out during rainstorms?  Google: It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of rain.  Bing: Google bet me I couldn’t get struck by lighting, but he’s WRONG.

The police chief, pointing to Murdock’s empty cell: YOU LET HIM ESCAPE?!?  Detective!Reader: I WAS ON BREAK.

Detective!Reader: I’m going to take you out. Murdock: Great, it’s a date! Detective!Reader: I meant that as a threat.  Murdock: See you at five!

Actor!Reader, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me. Actor, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

Bing: I'm incredibly fast at math. Engineer!Reader: Alright, what's 30 x 17? Bing: 47. Engineer!Reader: That's not even close. Bing: But it was fast.

Police!Reader: Go to Hell. Actor: I wish I could.

Dark: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. DA!Reader: FORTY-FIVE SECONDS?!? Dark: No! Four to five seconds! DA!Reader: Too late!!!

*Damien and College!Reader skipping stones on lake* Damien: It’s such a beautiful evening. College!Reader, whispering: Take that you fucking lake.

Actor: So that’s my plan. Police!Reader: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean. Actor: No, go ahead, I want to hear it. Detective!Reader: It fucking sucks. Actor: That’s not constructive criticism.

Bartender!Reader: Can you please be serious for five minutes?  Wilford: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Actor!Reader: How petty can you get? Actor: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Illinois: Yancy and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us. Criminal!Reader: *Sighing* What did Yancy do?  Illinois: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...  Yancy: Who wants a steering wheel?

Dark: Why. why did you give the DA a KNIFE?! Wilford: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe. Dark: Now I feel unsafe! Wilford: I’m sorry. Wilford: ... would you like a knife?

*DA!Reader and Wilford sitting in jail together* DA!Reader: So who should we call? Wilford: I’d call Dark, but I feel safer in jail.

Engineer: Gunther, can I talk to you for a second? Gunther: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Cap are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Engineer: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Ghosts!Reader: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?  Engineer: >:O language. Bing: Yeah watch your fucking language. Yancy: OKAY WHO TAUGHT BING THE FUCK WORD?  Google: 'The fuck word'.  Noir: Are you stupid? You all use the f word all the time.  Wilford: Oh my god he censored it. Illinois: Say fuck, Noir.  Mark: Do it, Noir. Say fuck.

Host: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.  Mark: What if it bites me and it dies!?  Dark: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Mark, learn to listen.  Yancy: What if it bites itself and I die?  Noir: That’s voodoo.  Bing: What if it bites me and someone else dies?  Google: That’s correlation, not causation.  Illinois: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?  Wilford: That’s kinky.  Ghosts!Reader: I hate this house.

Sheriff!Reader: Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Mark, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Dodger, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Enis, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you! Survivor!Reader, trembling: What are we playing?

Actor: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Actor!Reader: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Actor: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING JULIET WITH ME. Toby, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

[faecaribou]

Dark: What do you call disobeying the law? Wilford: A hobby. Dark: *crosses their arms* Wilford: That I do not engage in.

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2630

Roommate meeting. (Dialogue from What We Do in the Shadows.)

[foxtamer113]

Dark: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Wilford, cracks his knuckles: Manslaughter it is.

[incorrect-quotes-egos]

Damien: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Mark: What the hell do you do?

Damien: I die? What kinda question…

[shabeeboothedrawingender]

Stupid stuff that I would put in a gacha video but I'm too lazy at the moment. Featuring a lot of Egos from my AU and TEoS Dave probably who knows. It's kinda like incorrect quotes.

Dark: Wilford, do you know where half of our staff are?

Wilford: Well, our androids are plotting world domination, the Jim's are sitting in the yard trying to find something interesting to report, Yancy and Illinois are usually in a corner shoving their tongues down each other's throats and I don't even remember anything about anyone else.

Dark: ...So we're short staffed?

Wilford: Precisely.

Dave: So you sleep? Without the risk of death?

Wilford: Pretty much. If we're not overloaded on caffeine or sugar.

Dark: Sips his coffee

Wilford: ...He's special.

Engineer: Could you pass me that wrench?

Murdock: Hands him a knife

Engineer: This is a knife…?

Murdock: Same thing.

Wilford: I'm so glad that my husband has finally made friends, like honestly he was such an isolated man before now I mean look at him-

Dark and Dave are just passed out on the floor

Dark: Murder is okay.

Engineer: Mr Whitacre, they only got your order wrong-

Dark: Hah. Hahahahaha. You dare to challenge me?

Actor: Of course I do! I'm practically your god!

Dark: And I'm a politician. What the fuck do you bring to the table, asshole?

Wilford: Hey Dark, did you know your sister is alive in space?

Dark: Haha, very funny-

Ms Whitacre: Hello!

Dark: AAAAAAA-

Dark: points to Ms Whitacre My belief for this woman being real is the same as my belief for Hatsune Miku. She's a fake ass bitch whose only purpose is to taunt me.

Mack and Actor high five

✨ The friendship of two people being jealous of others ✨

Dark: You know, I really appreciate you paying for this dinner.

Wilford: Don't mention it!

Dark: Though it seems you couldn't afford anything other than ice cream.

Dave: Hey Wilford! That was your name right?

Wilford: Yes.

Dave: I taught the office crow a sentence!

Crow Dark flies in

Wilford: ...Go on Darky?

Crow Dark: I have ptsd.

Wilford: Wow-

Crow Dark: I depend on caffeine.

Dave: Now before you ask-

(Time Travel back to before wkm)

Celine: Damien?

Walks into his room

Celine: Da- Huh?

Dave is sat trying not to sleep and Damien is zonked out on sleeping pills

Celine: Who the heck? (she doesn't say hell, not very ladylike at this point in her life)

Celine: I'm here to pick up my brother's medication?

Doctor: The antidepressants, three different types of sleeping pills and painkillers?

Celine: ...

Doctor: Ma'am?

Wilford: Your dad is a crow now, how do you feel Chi-Chi?

Chi-Chi: Meow.

5 minutes later

Chi-Chi: HISSSSS!

Crow Dark: CAW?!

(Chi-chi is Dark's cat)

@side-blog-for-reblogs

@silly4goose20

I dunno I thought you'd enjoy them