#2d ass bitch
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new upload alert !!!
youtube
i made a gravity falls video because i felt like it, go watch it if u want. also subscribe !!!
#art#animatic#gravity falls#gravity falls spoilers#bill cipher#the book of bill spoilers#stanford pines#tw alcohol#tw self h4rm#tw toxic relationship#please for the love of god read the tw here they're also in the description#does it count as self h4rm if you're possessed into doing it#i tagged it as that just in case idk tho#hate that stupid fucking triangle#2d ass bitch#Youtube
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I am SO intrigued about what could possibly be coming to the Switch now that a new console is confirmed. My only thoughts are ports, and I fucking guarantee they still won't touch WWHD somehow
#fires posts#ramblings#such is the way of the wind waker fan who's wii is in the attic#My clown ass is holding out hope for a new 2D Zelda#or a remake with the same artistic uniqueness within the series as LAHD#A bitch can dream#otherwise y'all know what I want. It's Nintendogs. It's always Nintendogs
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I cant afford therapy so I decide to make an s/i oc just to make myself happy 🥲 i can finally daydream in peace
#i love sh.injiham too duh but also i cant run away from my nature of wanting to kiss 2d men so akdheksiso lET ME BREAFFDRF#her name is Rei because of course her name is Rei lol //stares at my blog#anyway this set around post P3 and unfortunately minako has to die for the plot 😔😔😔💔#there's too much for me to type I actually wrote a long ass note about this ship#and i doubt anyone care about it enough but if anyone just wants to listen to me tamble about them hmu or whatever 🤪#but the general gist is that I wantes to play around the idea of Shinji trying to live normally when his entire life he never really able-#to do so and also see how he give his life another shot when he believed and accepted he was going to die years ago#and then I want to see what he'll do when he meets someone that is in the same position as he is years ago#something something putting him in Minako's position when she brought this dead man alive#there's no persona shenanigans i cant write nor designs for shit#but also im always a fan of anything related to analysing human relationship and connection#so in my head i am going to have so much fun daydreaming about whatever these too depressed bitches are going to do#also not posting this in my selfship sideblog idk im just not ready to post anything there ;w;#asukablyat#asukart#selfship thingo
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i feel like chloé had a planned redemption arc in the earlier seasons after receiving a miraculous (or give her a more in-depth personality at the very least) but cough SOMEONE cough decided to switch up her entire character and just make her this extremely 2d character who's just "fuck marinette !!! i hate her !!!" 24/7 and literally nothing else
#it's so disappointing#like idc if they make her a villain like by all means go ahead#but the execution is just ass#if they really wanted her to be a marinette anti or smth then at least give her more character my god#this same 2d mf is also the mayor of paris now#i wonder what bs idea they're gonna come up with next time to make her more of a bitch#miraculous ladybug#mlb#cherry chatter
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I have now played almost seven Zelda games to full and I still feel like people are talking in esoteric riddles when they're talking about LOZ canon. I'm starting to feel like in addition to playing the games you need to graduate from Nerd University with a specialization in LOZ Lore before anything anyone says might start making sense. "Oh yeah Link reincarnates over and over again, that's canon it's called the Hero's Spirit —" "Actually Link reincarnating is completely fanon and the Hero's Spirit it something else entirely —" "Actually the Hero's Spirit itself is fanon —" what are you guys even fucking TALKING about???
#granted most of those games were the 2D pixel ones which most ppl don't rlly seem to care for#so maybe things'll start making more sense once I actually play more of the 3D games#but somehow I think most of this is not in the games. i think it's in interviews and maybe the hyrule encyclopedia#sometimes people will just come up and say shit and i go. huh. when? where?#'yeah after alttp the king of hyrule lead the country to the Golden Age'#That Was Not In The Game#what the fuck is the golden age even. bitch i'm gonna kill you#is it from the manual??? the hyrule encyclopia??? literally just the wiki???? i sure don't know!!#it also doesn't help that my memory is bad and also i am NOTORIOUS for overlooking details when playing games esp#so i don't actually rlly trust my own interpretations a lot and yet. and yet.#it still feels like 90% of what ppl are saying is pulled straight out of their ass#my posts#loz
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You'll never believe who just spent a week doing pixel art...... Did the classic "let's take a 3d horror game, turn it into a 2d more cartoony (relatively speaking) style"
Pathologic's shitty DS port, to walk you have to drag the stylus across the touch screen and to attack you just have to circle your enemies a billion times :))))
[COMMISSIONS]
Yapping and close ups below vvv
Oh my god pixel art is hard- it's the second time ever I've tried it, and boy oh boy I was not expecting to spend a week on this fjfj But I had fun ! Especially with the small sprites ;w; they cute ! But yeah next time I won't bother with line art- that was a nightmare
Frankly I've played The Void (Tension) way more than Pathologic, but I can't say I'm not hype for patho 3 fjfjjfj can't wait to play the pompous bitch :))) only downside is that they didn't keep his platforms from the original </3 heartbroken- give me the angel with a shotgun ass paintings and demonia Dankovsky
Also the fact I discovered hbomberguy because one afternoon in 2021 I stumbled upon his pathologic video and went "oh a video about the other big games from this studio I love ! Let's hope it's good :)" kfkfjfjfj Great stuff indeed
Bonus close ups I made for insta but there is no reasons you can't also see them !
PS : The software I used for this is called Aseprite ! You can dl it via steam and it's really easy to figure out :))
#I thought I would never see the end of this-#This took me well over 20 hours help#pathologic#pathologic fanart#pathologic bachelor#pathologic haruspex#pathologic changeling#daniil dankovsky#artemy burakh#clara pathologic#pathologic classic hd#pathologic 2#pixel art#art#my art#digital art#fanart#fake game#ice pick lodge
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⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ me again cause ya’ll gmfu 😭
let me start off by saying this, i love a good fanfic as much as the next girl. but sometimes it’s gets TO A POINT.
like bitch let me get this straight, you’re 30, MARRIED, and writing about a dad touching on his kid. go fucking psychoanalyze yourself because what the fuck are you on. your account is 18+ but yet you write minor x adult.
like omg!!! nigga get help 😹😹 like you’re a grown ass woman doing this shit. omds. you should know better. writing about familial incest as it isn’t a form of abuse? “Megumi is a little minx.” ??? you sound like a fucking creep of a 50 year old man. bitch think she wrote lolita but make it gay and incest ridden .
now i know bitches aren’t paying to read fanfictions……FANFICTIONS. idk what’s up with JJK writers and weird shit lately. i’ve been seeing a lot of stepcest/incest fics and it’s disgusting.
“They’re just 2D characters! They’re not real!” ok bitch? you’re still weird asf. i hope Gege just pulls JJK. manga, anime, and all bc yall are down right egregious.
#jjk#girlhood#girly stuff#im just a girl#girlblogging#girlblogger#girlblog#jujutsu kaisen#toji fushiguro#jjk toji#jjk men#jjk megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk x reader#jjk au
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Hiiii
Can I request a Bakugo (Cuz let’s be honest, he is FINE AS HELL) x gn! Reader who’s very socially awkward?
Like, if anyone they don’t know tries to talk to them they’ll just be like🧍♂️and give them that classic awkward smile
yes!!!! i relate to this reader sm and also I 100% agree bakugo is so fucking fine like??????? he's a fucking 2d character from a style where theporportions arent even based on humans, he has unmanaged anger issues and will fucking explode and not in the joking sense and yet????/ like whoever made hi design TEL ME YOUR WAYS. he's so fucking pretty. but also as much as I love him jeanist did him so fucking dirty with that hair. jeanist looked at *THAT* and really said "I can fix him"??? bitch don't fucking fix him I like the explosive pomeranian bitch. but like that one scene when he was making fun of todoroki during the provisional license extras classes like bro I was watching with my siblings and had to aggressively hold back a fucking screach noise. AND I STILL DO WHENEVER I WACTH IT. he's a fucking anime character who is so damn unhealthy but if you cant tell by the length of this, I fucking love him.
reader: GN
characters: bakugo katsuki
summary: reader is a very much not people person so how the fuck are they dating bakuhoe out of all bitches
warnings: swearing if you couldnt tell. anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks. bakugo being a bitch.
💥- okay honestly, first day? didnt even know you were in the class.
💥- this mf too focused on beating everyone up to notice you.
💥- was forced to acknowledge you when you kiri and bakuhoe were in the same area during the usj attack.
💥- after yall beat the shit out of some ppl you were sweating a ton but not bc you just fought some bitches.
💥- your ass was panicked af, not only are you shoved in a small space with two extroverts, you're also being exxesivley complimented by Kirishima bc you punched someone and along with that the fucking usj is under attack.
💥- it was very obvious you were panicking tbh.
💥- like bakuhoe at this point doesnt give a shit about other peoples feelings at this point but even he could tell.
💥- you were just standing there with you r arms pinned to your sides staring into the distance as Kirishima was obsessing oever how you beat someone up.
💥- after the usj he started to notive you more often.
💥- he noticed hpw evenn when the whole class was close with each other, you were still extremely quiet.
💥- he noticed how awkward you were even when talking to your friends.
💥- he noticed how youd speak up if your friends were being rude to you but the moment someone like monoma said something you just shut down.
💥- he even noticed how panicked you were when you learned about the internships.
💥- during the sports festival you both fought one on one, that's when he truly noticed how awkward you were.
💥- like bro was beating the shit out of you while yelling shit like "say something damnit!"
💥- honestly even though he wouldve won anyways, the round ended faster due to your panic with him yelling n shit.
💥- bro was thinking about it more and was like "damn. but like why were they kinda cute."
💥- first thoughts?
💥- immediete denial.'
💥- bakugo thought his time would be something like loud and outgoging, someone whos super confident.
💥- then saw you who was about to have a fuckinh panic attack and was like:
💥- i want that one.
💥- honestly ur crush on him was not obvious at all, you were just your normal panicky self but this time with slightly more blush.
💥- honestly you guys didnt get together until someone had to word it to make it seem like they were challenging bakugo to confess.
💥- will fight someone for you.
💥- monoma insulted you? 3 days of house arrest for bakuhoe.
💥- someone judged you? explosions.
💥- cashier looked at you wrong? banned from the convenience store for the next 6 months.
💥- congrats on your new scary dog privledges.
💥- mf so fucking protective tbh
💥- its not that he doesnt think you cant fight for yourself, he knows you can beat anyone to a pulp. i mean like- you're in the hero course for gods sake man.
💥- more in the sense of, distant jealousy. you wont know he's jealous, but whoever is talking to you thats making him jealous will know.
not my best work but i wanted to type something lol.
#bakugou x reader#bnha x reader#mha x reader#bnha x gn!reader#mha x gn!reader#bakugo x reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugo x gn!reader
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I despise how the writers/whoever the fuck is in charge of cutting scenes keep cutting important, vital moments of these characters lives/personalities.
People who have read fire and blood know that Daemon is a morally grey anti hero who has his own unique moral compass, and we know he is ride or fuckin die for rhaenyra and their kids. He loved his brother, and he never even entertained the thought of a usurpation.
The show has scrapped all moments that show the good side of his character. Him hugging his girls in their shared grief? Nah, let's cut it. Daemon interacting with his own and Rhaenyra's children? It's not important because aegon the raping usurper chucking a wank out the window is somehow more important? Daemon being ever by rhaenyras side during the birth and aftermath of Visenya? No, let's have him chill elsewhere. Daemon wanting to burn KL down when in the source material it was RHAENYS who wanted to immediately go to war and slaughter the greens willingly.
DAEMON BEING THE ONE TO KILL RHEA? WHEN? WHERE? BOOK! DAEMON WOULDN'T WASTE THE ENERGY OR BREATH IT WOULD TAKE TO KILL RHEA ROYCE LMFAOOOOOO
Also Daemon losing he and Mysaria's unborn baby was a fucking VITAL MOMENT IN HIS LIFE OKAY?! BECAUSE THE MISCARRIAGE WAS VISERYS' FAULT!!!!!
Book Rhaenys would slap Show Rhaenys and HUCK-TEW on her, y'know? (I love eve best thought she is my MOTHERRRRRRRR)
Cutting rhaenyra - who canonically in the book demanded Vaemond's death - ordering Vaemond executed and fed to Syrax?
RHAENYRA NOT TRUSTING DAEMON????? BITCH WHEREEEE THE FUCK???? SHE TRUSTED HIM WITH HER WHOLE ASS OKAY FUCK OFF
Book Rhaenyra would feed show rhaenyra to syrax fr
Removing any and all agency from female characters? Brother euuughhh
The showrunners made the Velaryons POC for inclusively then CUT THE LAENAXRHAENYRA FRIENDSHIP FOR A WHITE WOMAN WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BRUH? WHAT? RHAENYRA AND LAENA HAD ONE (1!!!!!) INTERACTION IN THE SHOW!!!!
i actually like Book!Alicent because she isn't a 2d uwu poor abused by the patriarchy little bitch like she is in the show. In the book she KNOWS she's smothered by the patriarchy and USES HER SEX AGAINST THEM. She MARRIED the king WILLINGLY for POWER AND AMBITION and WHOLEHEARTEDLY orchestrated her sons usurpation. She played the game of thrones with her whole ass fuckin soul. I can RESPECT THAT. What I don't respect is show alicent playing the fucking victim and "Oh noooooo 🥺🥺🥺 everything was my daddy's fault. I have no say in anything. I'm just a wittle baby puppet that HAS to dance to my daddy's tune...."
I'm just so exhausted with show runners and writers butchering characters I ADORE with my whole fuckin ass honestly.
#anti hotd#anti house of the dragon#anti team green#anti team green stans#pro team black#fire and blood#f&b#asoiaf#anti hotd neutrals
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He's greasy and probably sticky and he's definitely also crusty and has enough blackheads and pimples to make me a very happy man. I bet he probably smells like beer and cigarettes and self-hatred I bet he ffucks hard and good but it sucks because he is unpleasant and gross I bet he steals panties and smells them I bet he's left so many girls disappointed because he just couldn't get hard and I bet he likes to get choked and called a nasty old pervert. He prolly pisses inside women without their consent he prolly doesn't clean his dick properly he prolly makes girls eat his gross ass and he prolly makes women shave their pussies before he gives them head because he's a SCUMBAG. But he's sooooo good at eating out pussy and ass and sucking dick because uhhhh hello his tongue is long as ffuck but women and men are hesitant to let him perform oral because of how sharp his teeth are. I bet he puts his cigarettes out on girls to get them to leave the room afterwards sooner. He prolly drugs people's drinks, he's definitely a date-rapist he'd also most certainly ffuck a corpse and also I'm pretty sure he's said in canon that he would ffuck a teenager or something.
And as for this fag. I bet he doesn't tell girls that he has STDs before he ffucks them I bet doesn't put much work in like he doesn't care for foreplay I bet he bites too hard to be pleasurable I bet he zones out during sex and leaves ladies freaked out and unsatisfied. Let's be real he prolly cheated on Paula while he was dating her but got all pissy over her sleeping with Muds because he's a hypocrite a massive scummy brat. I bet he has sensitive nipples I bet he masturbates to his own scent. Be real this guy has never used a condom, refuses to use condoms prolly he's more concerned about his own enjoyment than his partner's safety. Bet he prolly likes watch girls make out. He definitely humps titties and he cums on pretty girls' faces and it gets all in their hair. Bet he refuses to let girls put anything in his ass because he doesn't want to seem like a faggot. Prolly got so caught up in his own head once during sex that he took out a switchblade and started cutting up the bitch he was ffucking. Didn't even realize he was doing it either until she started retaliating violently. He apologized, obviously, but it was a bit of a bad moment for him.
If anything I said here contradicts canon I don't give a damn. I just think Murdoc and 2D should both be absolutely ffucking terrible guys. Degenerate perverse losers, y'know.
And yeha oh wow for once I didn't make 2D trans!
Anyway. I think Murdoc should pound 2D's ass. I think 2D should ride Murdoc like it's his favorite thing. I think 2D should get addicted- to Murdoc's cum inside him. I think Murdoc should make 2D call him Daddy and I think 2D should be disgusted and so very turned on by it. I think Murdoc should lock 2D's dick in chastity and ffuck him in the ass daily. I think they should drug eachother. I am once again of the opinion that Murdoc ffucked comatose Stu all the time like ain't no way he didn't use that pretty blue haired bitch like a fleshlight because hey! Stu is very pretty and I bet Murdoc get snubbed of some pussy because of the comatose cunt he had to drag around with him so why not take out his sexual frustration on the beautiful boy he's supposed to be taking care of- wait hold the ffucking phone this was NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A 2DOC POST GODDAMNIT.
#mango man speaks#goribas#hm.#hmmmmm.#yeah i'll put this in tags.#gorillaz#murdoc gorillaz#2d gorillaz#stuart pot#murdoc niccals#2doc#studoc#sigh. it wasn't supposed to be ship-post.#i guess i just couldnt help myself.#but i was able to refrain from making 2d trans. so thats gotta count for something.#anyway.#ask to tag
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Our Little Secret - Chapter 6 (End)
Series Masterlist
Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader
Genre: College AU, Spider-Man/Spider-Girl AU, Fluff, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Eventual Smut
Series Summary: Eren Jaeger, a 21-year-old virgin college student who loves his camera a little bit too much, has a crush on you. Every night, he switches on his camera and talks about you but he never could find the courage to speak to you in real life. Strangely enough, he finds it easy for him to befriend Spider-Girl, the crime fighting vigilante, not knowing that you both share the same identity.
Chapter Summary: Eren still can't believe that he just went on a date with the most popular girl in school and kissed the hottest superheroine in town all in one night. He tells himself that he has to make a decision—to choose between you and Spider-Girl, not knowing that you two are the same person. Well, maybe it's time for you to reveal your little secret.
Content Warnings: swearing, mentions of characters going through depression, traumatic past events, a little bit of smut near the end (not too explicit)
Word Count: 16k
Poster art by the most talented @rainbuniart on Twitter
Armin Arlert loves Eren Jaeger. He does. He really does, like in a platonic-but-can-also-be-qualified-as-super-gay-way-sometimes.
He adores him. Might even name his fictional son after him in the future, who knows? He thinks Eren is the best friend he could ever ask for. Armin wouldn’t put his life on the line to save him, true, (‘cause as much as he loves the guy, that bitch can die on his own since it will probably be because of his damn fault anyway), but he would definitely sacrifice his most precious body pillow if Eren’s life depends on it and that’s saying something. Actually, hold up. Let’s not make any hasty decisions here. It’s a special, limited edition dakimakura with his fictional wife printed on it while wearing a slutty maid outfit. He ain’t gonna throw those glorious 2D titties just for Eren’s lousy ass.
Though his actions may speak otherwise, Armin does care about him. More than he has ever cared about anyone else, really. Even on those days back in high school when he was a bit… bicurious, Armin had imagined himself—more than once (or ten)—being with Eren and how hot it would be if he had Eren all tied up on his bed with his body shrouded by wet tentacles that were stimulating each of his sensitive spots. He knew it was weird to imagine his best friend begging him with tears in his eyes, saying lewd things like “Please, Master Arlert, please give me your thick, hard cock and fill me up with your seeds. I want you to breed me like a fucking whore,” but Armin was an eighteen-year-old virgin with a raging sexual desire, okay? Can you really blame him? (yes, please blame him, he's insane).
It didn’t help that Eren looked so pretty with his hair down either, especially when he was sitting half-naked on Armin’s bedroom floor during those hot summer days with a popsicle stuck inside his mouth, making questionable groaning and sucking noises as he jammed his thumbs against his X-Box controller. It also didn’t help that Armin had watched too much hentai in his spare time but at least, he was proud of it. Eren watched tentacles porn too—and enjoyed it—but he would always pretend he didn’t and say that he preferred lesbian porn just so he could “fit in” and “be normal” or whatever. Fucking coward.
We’re getting sidetracked but the point is, Armin loves Eren to the moon and back, but sometimes, sometimes, he just wants to break all 206 bones in his body, squeeze him into a pulp and flush him down the toilet. And by sometimes, he means now.
“Armin!” He can hear the sounds of small rocks hitting his window, followed by Eren’s husky voice calling his name in a mix between a shout and a whisper. “Armin! Dude, wake up!”
Armin only has one eye opened, glowering at the digital clock on his desk that shows it’s two in the fucking morning. His parents might be heavy sleepers—the government has to drop a nuclear bomb for them to wake up—but Armin needs complete silence to be able to wane into his dreamland (which would be the only place for him to be embraced by his fox-eared waifu). He tries to ignore the asshole standing outside his window, but that so-called green-eyed butthole is as stubborn as he is relentless.
Gathering a handful of pebbles, Eren throws them one by one, continuously hissing Armin’s name like a demonic cat. With each stone hitting his window, Armin transforms even further into a seething monster. By the sixteenth pebble Eren throws, the blonde-haired boy pushes himself off the bed, grabs the baseball bat he hides inside his closet—which he bought not for sport, but for this very reason—and stomps his way to the front door.
“Armin!” Eren rejoices when he sees his best friend walking past his lawn, moving toward him. “Oh, thank God, you’re awake! I need to talk to you—WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO WITH THAT BAT?!”
“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, JAEGER!”
It’s always like this with them—Eren annoying the shit out of him and Armin trying to kill him two or three times in a row—but it would all end well, not with laughter, but with a massive bump on Eren’s head that may or may not be big enough to trigger permanent brain damage. But then again, Eren is already an idiot. He’s probably maxed out at this point.
“One of these days, Arlert,” Eren groans in pain, rubbing the back of his skull as he wills his tears to stop brimming in his eyes. “I’m gonna file a restraining order on you.”
“That’s my line, you nincompoop.”
“I don’t know what nincompoop means but that doesn't sound pretty.”
The two boys sit on the little stairs that lead to Armin’s porch (five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay). Armin still has his baseball bat between his legs, his golden hair all tousled from his one-hour sleep. Eren, who’s usually attentive to another person’s well-being, is too excited to pay attention to the bags forming under his eyes. Playfully bumping his shoulder against Armin’s, he asks him, “Dude, guess who just had his first kiss tonight?”
“Why do we strive for perfection if it is not attainable?” Armin says, dramatically sighing into the night. “What is the meaning of a good life? Is there a meaning in life itself? Are we human or are we dancers?”
Eren, now confused, has his smile wavering. “The hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, I thought we were just throwing out random questions.”
“That last one wasn’t even a question. That was `Are We Human’ by The Killers.”
“Yes and they were asking us whether we are human or dancers when they should have been asking: why can’t we be both?”
“It’s me,” Eren replies flatly. “I just had my first kiss.”
“Oh, wow, congratulations. I did not see that coming at all.” There’s no mirth or enthusiasm on Armin's face. He's just clapping his hands as he keeps his voice monotone. “Your lips aren’t a virgin anymore. Make sure they don’t turn into a whore.”
Eren, well-accustomed to his sarcasm, remains unfazed, continuously acting like the love-struck puppy that he is. “Aren’t you gonna ask me how it felt like?” He wiggles his eyebrows, showcasing a cheeky grin. “I’ll give you a clue. The word starts with an A and ends with a G.”
“Anal Rimming?”
Eren sends him a flat stare. “It’s amazing.”
“Sure, if you say so. I mean, I’ve never done anal or rimming before so I wouldn’t know, but hey, if it’s amazing then good for you, buddy.”
“I meant the kiss, Armin!”
This attitude Armin is throwing at him is his way of saying dude, I love you but I’m so fucking pissed at you right now, and Eren understands how much he’s being selfish for taking Armin’s precious sleeping time. He knows and he apologizes for it. But if he doesn’t tell Armin about the kiss—about how he’s both overjoyed and conflicted by it—he’s sure as hell he’s going to lose his mind.
Armin, despite how snarky he is, can only exhale exaggeratedly in defeat once Eren puts his best-kicked puppy look on display. “Fine, you twat. Spill.”
And with his permission, Eren’s words come rushing in like a bullet train. “Dude, it was insane.” Whenever he thinks about the kiss, the first thing Eren feels is joy. The kind of joy that is so fierce, it leaves him burned and paralyzed by it. “I’ve been imagining what my first kiss was gonna be like since forever but even the sweetest dream wouldn’t be able to compare to how amazing it was.”
Armin can see it—that glow on his face. It’s the first time he’s ever witnessed his best friend being this happy. It's disgusting. “You sound like that sappy Aerosmith song.”
“And to think that I was having my first kiss upside down!”
“Wait, what?” Armin finally shows a reaction, his eyebrows adjoined in the middle. “Upside-down?”
“Yeah, she was hanging upside down.”
“Hanging? How—why—” You know that Jackie Chan meme? The one with him looking all confused? Yeah, that’s Armin right now. “Where were you? In her room?”
“Umm… no. We were outside.”
“In public?”
“Yeah, but no one was around. Oh wait, there were like three guys around us but they were unconscious.”
The more he explains, the more perplexed Armin becomes. “Why were they—no, who were they?”
“Just some dudes wanting to steal my camera.” Eren turns sheepish, his index finger scratching his cheek at the memory of you fighting so gracefully under the rain, almost like dancing. The words he says don’t match his expression at all. “They had, like, a knife against my throat. It was really scary.”
“Oh yeah, I can tell, ‘cause you’re blushing so hard right now.” At this rate, being sarcastic is the only way for Armin to keep himself sane.
Eren, to Armin’s horror, giggles. “I remember the way she came by. It was so dramatic. She beat their asses to save my life like bam, kapoww, kapoww!”
Almost getting hit by Eren’s lame attempt at re-enacting your punches, Armin cringed, “Please stop.”
“We kinda flirted a little bit after that and I just, you know…” Eren has really turned into a thirteen-year-old girl at this point. “I kissed her. She was hanging upside down. There was rain pouring above our heads and we were, like, smiling into the kiss. It was so romantic.”
Fuck Jackie Chan. That meme needs to be reinvented using Armin’s face now. He’s more confused than any Chinese man could ever be. “Hold up, you fucker.” He pushes his eyeglasses up his nose, a pair of sapphire eyes scrutinizing Eren's face as if he could find the answer if he looks hard enough. “How and why was she hanging upside down?”
“Well, she was about to swing away when I stopped her and so she was hanging onto her web and—”
“Her web?” This dude makes absolutely no fucking sense! Armin is now picturing you (not Spider-Girl. You.) in your preppy girl outfit hanging upside down on a tree like a fucking monkey, exchanging tongues and saliva with an actual monkey who was twice your size. The result? Absolutely ludicrous. “Dude, what kind of kinky shit are you guys into?!”
And it’s only then that Eren remembers something. “Oh, no, you’re getting the wrong idea. I wasn’t talking about her. I kissed a different girl.”
“You kissed a diff—” Armin stops himself before he explodes. Taking a deep breath, exhaling with his eyes closed, he mutters under his voice, “Lord, give me strength.” When he blinks open his eyes again, Armin seems much calmer, although his grip around his baseball bat is tightening twice as hard. His fingers are just itching to smack the shit out of his best friend. Again.
Eren, scared for his life, has both hands in the air. “Calm down, Min.”
“I’m calm, I’m calm.” But he takes another deep breath just in case. Armin smiles—that kind of deadly smile that doesn’t reach his eyes—when he asks, “Let’s start from the beginning. You went on a date with Miss Popular.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“But you didn’t kiss her and instead you kissed someone else.”
Now that Armin phrases it like that, that feeling of remorse that Eren felt an hour ago comes back rushing in. Eren still loathes himself for kissing another girl right after his date with you ended but the thing is, it felt right. It felt like it was something he had been wishing to happen for years. He had spent all this time imagining what it would be like to share a chaste kiss under the rain with you—the college version of you. But when the moment was there, he couldn’t do it. It didn’t feel right. He felt guilt at that time, knowing that Spider-Girl kept showing up in his head when he was supposed to be thinking about you. But he didn't feel any of that when he shared those kisses with that alter ego of yours. He just felt joy. It felt amazing. It felt right.
But with Armin confronting him about it, he returns to the dilemma he was drowning himself in a few hours ago. The time when he realized that he was in love with Spider-Girl instead of you.
“Yeah,” Eren admits in shame, casting his gaze downward. “I kissed someone else.”
Armin fixes his glasses again, just so he’d have something to do instead of looking flabbergasted at the revelation. “And who did you kiss?”
“Umm… Spider-Girl.”
Armin looks at him and Eren looks back. Three seconds pass by in silence and then—
“AW!” Eren shouts in reflex, not caring if it’s two-thirty in the morning, right after Armin smacked him with the end of his baseball bat. “Dude, stop doing that! It hurts!”
“You’re fucking with me,” Armin says, hitting him repetitively on his side. “You’re absolutely fucking with me right now. Can’t believe I woke up to listen to you spouting bullshit!”
“I’m not bullshitting you!” Eren winces, trying to dodge his next attack.
“You’re saying you kissed one of the town's hottest superheroines? The same girl who took down the Lizard—no, the same girl who looks smoking hot in that white spandex—you kissed that girl?”
“Yes! Fuck—Stop hitting me!” Eren, at some point, manages to snatch away the bat from Armin’s grip. His body feels sore all over, even more than when he fought those men in the alley. “Yes, Armin, I kissed her.”
“Yeah,” Armin snorts. “And I just had some raunchy sex in the barn with Green Goblin. Expect his babies to pop out of my ass in nine months.”
The brunette rolls his eyes. “Look, Spider-Girl and I have been friends for weeks now. Here.” Eren retrieves his phone from his pocket, going through his gallery before he shows the selfie he took with you in your costume on the night you shared stories on the rooftop of St. Mark’s theater. You were both so close to each other, shoulders nearly squeezed together as you tried to fit your faces inside the frame. Eren had the biggest, gleeful grin, his skin seemingly tanner than usual next to your white mask and hoodie. Armin examines the picture with suspicious eyes, his gaze shifting back and forth from his friend’s face to his phone.
“Hmm, very convincing,” Armin comments. “Not sure where you found the skill to photoshop this shit so fast when it took you a week to choose a fucking filter for your Twitter PFP but okay. Assume that I believe you—I don’t,” he emphasizes. “But for the sake of our conversation, let’s just assume I do."
"Fine."
"So you kissed her.”
“Yeah.”
“Upside down in the rain?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And how was it?”
“It was…” Eren’s cheeks sizzle at the memory. “They were… soft. Her lips, I mean. They were so soft and they tasted… sweet.”
Armin’s expression turns from suspicious to I’m-tired-of-your-shit-Jaeger in 0.2 seconds. “I was thinking more like it was bad because I’m sure she had rain clogging up her nose, ‘cause that would’ve sounded more realistic, but sure, let’s be corny.”
“Wait,” Eren blanches. “Do you think she was uncomfortable?” It’s stupid that he only realizes this now, but then again, what else is new?
“Yeah, well,” Armin shrugs. “Hanging upside down certainly didn’t seem like it was the best position to make out in, 'cause you have blood rushing to your head and all. And since it was raining, she definitely had water getting up her nose.”
“Oh my God,” Eren utters in horror, his hands going to his head. “Why didn’t I think about that?”
“Probably cause you were too busy sticking your tongue down her throat.”
Eren has no consistency in managing his emotions because at one point he was panicking, and now, he’s back to giggling like a schoolgirl. “Yeah, we used tongue a few times. It was so exciting.”
“Give me back my bat. I’m gonna kill myself with it.”
But jokes aside, the question remains. How could Eren, who has zero games in dating as far as Armin knows, kiss another girl—and not just another girl, Spider-Girl—right after he went on a date with one of his campus’ most popular girls? Even the sentence sounds bizarre and he hasn’t spoken them out loud. Most importantly, though, why? Why did Eren do it? “I thought you were in love with her,” Armin says. “Miss Popular, I mean. You spent the entire summer jerking off to that one picture of her wearing that short skirt and now you’re saying you like some other girl whose face you don’t even know?”
“Did you have to phrase it like that?” Eren mumbles in shame though he can’t deny the fact that he did spend—well, not the entire summer, the entire two weeks, probably—masturbating to the thoughts of you. It wasn’t the proudest moment in his life, but in his defense, that skirt you wore looked super cute on you. “I know, I fucked up,” he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m the worst.”
“How did this even happen?”
Eren tells him everything, and the more details he reveals, the harder he drowns in his guilt. He feels like he just betrayed and disrespected you—both you and Spider-Girl and it hurts him terribly because he still can’t decide between the two of you. He’s so conflicted he feels like he’s about to vomit his insides.
“It’s so weird, you know?” Eren says. “At the end of the date, I was sure she wanted me to kiss her. I mean, like, the moment was there. We both felt it, and I wanted to do it but I… I kept thinking about Spider-Girl and it just felt… wrong. I didn’t want our first kiss to go that way—me kissing a girl while thinking about another girl. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”
“Should’ve just kissed her, in my opinion,” Armin counters. “If you had done it, it would’ve been easier for you to make sure of your feelings now.”
“But that would’ve made me the biggest asshole in the world.”
“You are the biggest asshole in the world. But yeah, probably. Did it feel right when you kissed Spider-Girl?”
Though the remorse on Eren’s face still stands vividly, some of it morphs into delight at the memory. “Yes, it was,” he admits. “It felt like… something I should’ve done weeks ago, you know? Like, why didn’t I realize sooner that I’m in love with her kind of feeling. And I keep thinking about everything—about my feelings toward Spider-Girl and my feelings toward her and it’s stressing me out. Do you think a man can be in love with two girls at the same time?”
“You’re talking to a guy who has, like, seven different waifus. Of course, you can,” Armin snorts. “The problem is, unlike my wives who don’t know I exist, you have to choose. Unless you want to continue being a gigantic fucking asshole for the rest of your life, you need to decide who you want to be with.”
“I know...” Eren starts chewing on the inside of his cheek. It feels like he has a storm raging inside him. “I think I’m in love with Spider-Girl because I feel like… I know her better. I mean, I’ve been spending more time with her, so she feels more like a person to me. More… You know, real.”
Armin nods. “But when you went on a date with Miss Popular, did you enjoy it?”
“I did.” His answer is immediate. “More than I expected I would. She was so nice and funny and she… She gave me a scarf ‘cause she thought I was cold. She was so caring. She was great.”
“What if her personality is just as attractive as Spider-Girl’s then?” Armin provides a new perspective—a genuinely good one, which is rare considering how big of a pervert he is. “I feel like you just need some time to get to know her better.”
“Yeah, but how can I do that if I keep thinking about Spider-Girl? What if every time I see her, all I do is compare her traits to hers? It’s not fair.”
“Okay, let me ask you this,” Armin sighs loudly into the air. “Can you really see yourself dating a superhero? You don’t even know her real identity or what she looks like. What if she’s ugly?”
“I don’t care how she looks.” Determination stands thick in Eren’s voice. “It’s her—” He clears his throat, his face turning scarlet. “I-it’s her heart that I love.”
“Oh my God, I’m gonna throw up on you.”
“I mean like her mannerisms!” Eren hastily adds when Armin threatens to jam a finger inside his own mouth. “Her attitudes, the way she talks, the way she thinks, and the stuff we talk about—that’s what I care about the most. She’s my best friend.”
“Excuse me?” Armin repeats, offended, picking up his weapon.
“A-after you, of course.”
“That’s right, bitch.” He drops his baseball bat back to the ground. “Okay, fine, you don’t care if she’s ugly. Not my problem. But does she like you?”
“I think so? I mean, she kept asking me to kiss her again. You don’t do something like that with someone you don’t like, right?”
“Yeah, well, strangers fuck at nightclubs all the time. I won’t think too much over a kiss.”
The pretty shade of red that paints Eren’s face turns pale by the second. “You don’t think she likes me?”
“I do, but is it enough for her to want to date you?” Armin lands a hand on the other man’s shoulder, giving him his best sympathetic look. “I wouldn’t be so sure, man. Look, I’m not trying to sound like a douchebag for crushing your R-rated dream so early like this but you’re my friend and you need a reality check so here it goes. She’s a superhero. Okay? She’s busy. She doesn’t have time to play tonsil hockey with nerds like us. Plus, if she cares about you then maybe she won’t date you ‘cause you’ve seen what happened to Mary Jane, right? That chick got taken hostage at least once a week these days, ’cause of what?”
“Umm… Cause she’s dating Peter Parker?”
“That’s absolutely right, you nincompoop.”
“Like I said, I don’t know what nincompoop means.”
“At this point, MJ doesn’t even scream anymore when she has a gun pointed at her head. She’s just like—” Armin pretends he has his smartphone between his hands, his thumbs moving to type something. He keeps his face blank and his voice monotone, talking in an exaggerated New York accent. “‘Oh no, please, don’t hurt me, I’m scareeeed. Hashtag SpideyDrama, hashtag Spidey-MJLoveStory. Take a cute selfie with my kidnapper—” He pretends to take a picture, puckering his lips while forming a peace sign with his two fingers. “—aaaand post.’”
Under different circumstances, Eren would have laughed. Armin’s impression of her was spot on. “Yeah, but that’s because everyone knows that Peter is Spider-Man. No one knows who Spider-Girl is.”
“Yes, but if you keep making out with her in public, they’ll know about you, and then what? You want to start doing your own TikTok trend? Hashtag PrayforErenJaegerTheNewDamselinDistress?” Eren parts his lips to answer but he’s stopped by two hands squeezing him by the shoulders. “Look. Just give Miss Popular another try, okay? It’s easier to be with her than being with Miss Vigilante, I promise you. Plus, Spider-Girl knows how you feel about her, right? Don’t you think it would make you sound like a player if you talked like a lovesick fool about another girl, but then you confessed to her three days later?”
Again, it’s absolutely ridiculous that Eren just realized this now. “You’re right,” he utters in horror. “Holy shit, you’re right.”
“Of course, I am.” Armin scoffs, tossing back his imaginary long hair over his shoulder. “Forget about Spider-Girl for now. Give it a week or two to sort out your feelings. Or focus on something else, like jerk off to your favorite tentacle porn or something. If you still feel like you can’t move on from her then, we’ll go to Plan B.”
“W-what is that?”
Armin retrieves his bat. “Me, beating the shit out of you until you suffer from a massive concussion and forget about this whole thing.”
“Yeah, why don’t we just stick to Plan A for now, thanks. But no tentacle porn.”
"Pfft, whatever, your loss."
***
You have never—never—felt like you were floating in the clouds after sharing a kiss with a boy, and yet there you are, climbing through your window with the biggest dopey smile on your face. You take off your mask, throwing yourself on your bed with the longest, most blissful, content sigh you’ve ever heaved in your life.
You have two fingers tracing over the seam of your lips, your skin somehow still tingles whenever the memory of that kiss resurfaces. The sweet, pleasant taste of his mouth still lingers near. The soft texture of his lips is the best thing you’ve ever felt against your own.
“Eren…” His name drifts past your lips and you find yourself giggling, turning over to your stomach before you let out a high-pitched scream against your pillow. It felt like a first love’s kiss and perhaps it was since he is your first love, isn’t he? You haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Every cell in your body seems to scream I love him, I love him, I love him every time his smile appears behind your closed lids. It feels like you’re thirteen again, just a lovesick girl whose fingers are itching to pour every emotion you felt into your journal.
Dear diary, I’m in love.
You didn’t think your first kiss with him would be like that, but it was ten times better. No, a million times better, even if you did have rain clogging up your nose at some point. Eren was so… passionate, you think to yourself as you feel your stomach flipping at the memory of his lips melding against yours. You may be a virgin, but unlike him, you have experienced many first kisses before and none of them was this memorable. None of them managed to awaken the butterflies in your stomach as his kisses did. And none of those boys tasted as good as he was.
“I am down so bad,” you sigh as you hug your pillow close to your chest, a dreamy smile sketched upon your lips. I can’t wait for tomorrow to come. I want to see him. I want to be with him again.
With that thought in mind, you begin to create your diabolical plan to reveal your true identity to him. As cute as he was looking all conflicted from falling in love with both you and Spider-Girl, you decide not to torture him even longer. It’s unbelievable, the amount of elation you felt the moment you realized that he’s fallen for Spider-Girl. It’s clear proof that he wasn’t just attracted to your looks, but your personality too. It puts you at ease, knowing that he keeps catching feelings no matter what persona you’re putting in front of him. He fell for you when you were just an innocent little girl who couldn’t do anything but fangirl over Wonder Woman all day. He fell for you when he saw you stepping onto the podium to accept your science medal, blinding everyone with your perfect smile. And he fell for Spider-Girl, your alter ego that embodied your true personality.
I wonder how you would react when you find out that I’m all those three?
“Maybe I should step up my game,” you mumble to yourself. “Maybe I should be a little…”
The corners of your mouth curve up. Your smirk is just straight-up evil at this point. Hell, even Norman Osborn didn’t look this wicked when he turned into Green Goblin.
“Aggressive.”
***
When Eren told his brother, Zeke Jaeger, that he wanted to borrow his motorcycle to pick up a girl this morning, his brother was on the floor. Literally on the floor.
Zeke was skeptical at first, snorting loudly as he muttered, “Pfft. As if you could get a girl to notice you. Bet my ass you’re just being delusional.” But then Eren, heaving the biggest sigh, raised his phone in the air, flashed his wallpaper—that one picture you took on your date with you smiling as you kissed his cheek—on his brother’s face and Zeke collapsed to his knees.
“Oh my God.” Zeke landed both palms on the parquet, eyes shaking in horror. “Oh my fucking God.”
Eren, who was accustomed to his brother’s dramatic antics, simply shrugged when his aunt Dina looked at them funny. “He’s having a moment,” he explained and Dina just returned to her cooking, not wanting to deal with any of that.
It usually took Zeke a while to get back on his feet—literally—when he was having an episode like that. Eren simply waited with his back leaning against the wall, checking his watch with boredom written in his eyes. “Try and make it quick. I got a date.”
“I can’t believe you found yourself a girl before me,” Zeke sobbed. “I thought it was Armin dressing up as a girl again—"
“We’re over that phase now.”
“—but no, she’s actually a cute fucking chick. Probably has massive badonkers too.”
“Please don’t say that.” Great, now I can’t stop thinking about it too, Eren adds inwardly, face flushed. What if she… does have massive badonkers—I mean, tits—I mean, breasts. He shakes his head. Eren, you idiot. Who cares if she has huge boobs or not. Flat, or huge, those are still great tits—no, stop thinking about her tits!
“Fuck, what if it’s true?” Zeke looked up to his brother from below, like a tortured servant to his sadistic master. “What if she’s packing some dobonhonkeros? Like, massive dohoonkabhankoloos, ya know what I mean? Big old tonhongerekoogers—”
“Language, Zeke,” Dina chimes in from the kitchen. “I don’t understand what you’re saying but I know they’re filthy words so stop it.”
Eren, in the meantime, is conflicted between not thinking about your breasts or smacking the shit out of his brother. “You’re being disrespectful, stop it.”
“GOD, I WANT A GIRLFRIEND—”
“JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS!”
Zeke, almost with tears painting his eyes, handed them over to him. “Once you’re finished with it, do me a favor and just run me over. I don’t have the dignity to keep on living anymore.”
“Will do,” Eren said—promised—as he threw a black leather jacket on top of his white shirt. “I’ll be back in two hours,” he informed his aunt. “We’re just gonna study in my room after that.”
“Studying each other’s bodies?” Zeke uttered with jealousy coating his tongue. “Gross.”
“Statistics, actually.” Eren planted a small peck on Dina's cheek. “See you, Aunt Dina.”
“Bye, love,” Dina chuckled, seemingly proud that her nephew—one that she regarded as her own child, unlike the other one—was old enough to bring a pretty girl home with him. “Make sure to bring her something. Us girls love gifts.”
“Okay.”
“And buy some condoms on your way home.”
Eren nearly tripped over his feet. “I-it’s not like that!”
Zeke was lying flat on the floor at this point, like a stabbed victim on a crime scene, only in his case, the knife was invisible and he was bleeding tears from his eyes. “When can I get myself some bonkhonagahoogs…”
“Please kick him out before I get home,” Eren said.
“Trust me, darling,” Dina sighed. “I've been trying to do that since day one.”
“Guys, I’m literally right here.”
“Shut up, Zeke.”
***
Eren is just as jittery as he was during his first date with you, only this time, it’s ten times worse as he keeps thinking about Spider-Girl no matter how much he tries not to. The guilt he felt over the kiss sticks permanently in his mind, and it feels like he just committed adultery with a church elder or something when he isn’t even in a relationship with you—any version of you. But even so, he tries to stick close to his plan. He has promised to spend some time studying for finals with you, and he intends to give his full attention to you and no one else. Since he’d brought you a bouquet yesterday, he decided to buy you homemade chocolate truffles from this cute candy store downtown, one that Dina claimed to be the best one in the world.
He arrives two hours early at your ballet studio, feeling so nervous to see you again that he feels like the whole world is spinning too fast before him. He’s waiting outside in the parking lot, leaning against Zeke’s all-black Royal Enfield Classic 350 with his phone in one hand and his head on the clouds.
What am I going to say to her? Can I even act normally around her? What if she—
“Eren.”
“Fuck!” The boy jumps on his feet, almost losing his grip on his phone from how startled he is. He spins his head around to the side, spotting you standing close with your gym bag slinging on one shoulder. His shock-filled eyes quickly traverse down your body, taking in the sight of you dressed casually in your fitted black tank top and white track jacket. “W-why are you not wearing your tutus?”
Out of all the things he could’ve said, of course, that’s the first thing that comes out of his mouth. “Because I’m still outside and my practice isn’t going to start for another ten minutes?” You reply with a hint of teasing in your voice. “You look handsome today, by the way. I always think you look hotter wearing a leather jacket instead of a hoodie. Not that I don’t like it, though. Hoodies make you look cute.”
This is an ambush, Eren thinks. You, casually throwing your compliment at him as if it’s nothing, feel like a fucking ambush to him. “I—Umm—You look—You look cute too.”
“Thank you,” you titter. “I can’t believe you arrived here before me.”
“Oh... Y-yeah.” It suddenly feels like it’s twenty degrees hotter for him. “I guess I was a little early.”
“As always,” you toss him a smile—the one that has the perfect amount of beauty and shyness that makes his heart swell in his chest. “You’re not planning to wait out here for two hours, are you?” When Eren has no answer to give, you chuckle. “Gosh, you are too cute. Come here.”
“Huh?”
“You can wait inside.” It’s so natural the way you tangle your hand around his even when you can feel your own heart palpitating. “It’s warmer there.”
Eren, with his cheeks turning scarlet, follows after you. “Is—is it really okay?”
“Well, no. Usually, we don’t allow strangers to watch our rehearsals.”
“Then, why—”
“Relax, Ren.” You hurl a wink at him. “Petra—my instructor—is a close friend of my mother. I’ll just tell her you’re my boyfriend and she’ll make an exception for me.”
Three things left him dumbfounded. The first one is clearly the fact that you just called him your boyfriend. Second, it’s that naughty, naughty wink you threw at him, one that matches your cute little devilish grin. But none of those were as surprising as the way you called him with that nickname.
Ren.
You’ve never called him that before, have you? But Spider-Girl called him Ren all the time, which is why to his ears, it sounds so familiar. The way you said it. The way your voice sounded when you did. Even if his mind tries to deny it, his heart still pounds. It feels so strange for this to just be a coincidence but you don’t give him a chance to think about it long.
“I’m gonna go change into my tutus, okay?” You tease him once you enter the studio, chuckling at your own words. “You can sit at the back. Try not to stare at the other girls as you wait.”
He knows he’s dumb but today he just feels ten times dumber and it shows. “W-why not?”
“Well, obviously, because you’re pretending to be my boyfriend today.” You reach out a hand to fix the collar of his jacket, watching him flinch at the way your fingers brush against his collarbone. “And also…” You look up at him, turning your voice into a breathy whisper as you feign a pout. “I don’t like seeing you look at other girls. I want you to look at me.” You take a hold of his key-shaped pendant, twisting your fingers around his necklace. “Only me.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. If there was steam coming out of his ears, Eren wouldn’t be surprised. He does feel like his face is about to explode. “I-I’ve only been looking at you.”
“You sure?” Your tongue peeks out to wet your lower lip and Eren swallows at the sight. “You seemed so… distracted last night. You weren't thinking about some other girl, were you?”
He’s staring at your lips. He’s definitely staring at your lips. Oh my God, her lips. “I—I didn't—I wasn’t—” He’s panicking. He’s already having a hard time trying to stay alive from your attack. You really didn’t need to bring back Spider-Girl into his head, but you did and that’s why you fit more as a supervillain instead of a hero.
Eren can practically taste the minty scent of your breath from how close you are when you grin at him. “I’m kidding,” you giggle, patting his cheek and giving him back his space. “You look like you’re about to pass out. You okay over there, big boy?”
“Yeah…” Just feeling like I’m having a cardiac arrest but I’m fine. “Good luck with your dancing—your practice. Break an arm.”
God, he’s an idiot, I love him. Refraining yourself from laughing, you stand on your toes and grant him a soft kiss on his cheek. “It’s break a leg, dummy,” you whisper in his ear, your smirk brushing against his earlobe. His face is practically in flames when you turn on your heels, tossing him one last smile before you disappear inside the changing room.
The rehearsal starts on time and there you are, walking back into the studio dressed in pink seamed ballet tights, a black halter-neck leotard, and a pair of beige pointe shoes. Your outfit, the way the fabric hugs your body tightly, leaves no room for his imagination to wander. It’s so unfair that you look both adorable and effortlessly sexy at the same time. Eren doesn’t know whether he wants to say, “You’re so cute, I want to squeeze your cheeks!” or “You’re so hot, I wanna clap those cheeks.” He wants to do both, honestly, but he’ll need to rephrase that last line if he wants to be, ehem, respectful.
He can see your back muscles contracting as you perform, your skin glistening under the light, coated by a thin layer of sweat that somehow only makes you look more erotic. He hates the way his mind thinks, so he tries to focus on your movements instead. Every posture you strike is as graceful as it is beautiful and Eren has to remind himself to blink before his eyes fall out of his sockets from staring too long.
You try to concentrate as much as you can on the instructions Petra gives you but every time you see your reflection in the mirror, you also notice the way his eyes are entranced with every gesture you make. He’s staring at you like you’re the only girl in the room—the only girl in the world, even. As much as it pleases you to be the center of his attention, it’s also harder for you to focus on your steps. You just can’t wait for your practice to end.
Eren is so captivated by everything you do, and if he had brought his camera with him, he would’ve taken every bit of your expression. He wishes he could record everything. The way your body moves… Even the slightest lift of your finger is fascinating to him. At this moment, all thoughts about Spider-Girl vanish away from his mind. It feels like he’s falling for you all over again, his heart throbbing like on that day when he saw you on campus for the first time. You’re so pretty. So, so pretty that you leave him breathless.
“Hey,” you greet him again once your rehearsal has ended. “Sorry you had to wait long.” You’re dabbing a towel against the side of your face, gathering your belongings in your arms as the other students are making their way to the changing room without you. “I’m all sweaty so I’m just gonna go take a shower real quick. Is that okay?”
Eren can see a bead of sweat running down the side of your face, disappearing right between your cleavage. It’s the most pornographic thing he’s ever seen and this comes from the man who spent the whole summer watching questionable porn clips with Armin. It also doesn’t help that Zeke’s face keeps appearing in his mind, whispering to him, “Bro, look at those badonkers,” and no, Eren doesn’t want to look at your badonk—breasts. It’s very inappropriate, and you deserve to be respected.
Fucking monke. Eren is going to run him over for real after this.
“Eren? You okay there?”
He coughs once, trying to focus on your face instead of your, in Zeke’s words, dohoonkabhankoloos. “Yes, I—uhh… I’ll just go wait outside, okay?”
“Okay.”
You’re not sure what you’re expecting but when Eren walks away without saying anything about your performance, you feel a sliver of disappointment growing inside you. Keeping your thoughts to yourself, you tighten your grip around your bag and pivot on your heels.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Eren says, stopping you in your tracks. You turn around, facing him with a questioning brow. The boy smiles at you, doing it so beautifully, so delicately, so lovingly that you feel like you can fight the whole world just to protect that smile. “You look so beautiful when you dance,” he says, his eyes gleaming in the adoration he holds for you. “So graceful, you’re like, uhh… Like an angel.”
It’s corny. It’s corny and cliche, and embarrassing, and you love it. If anyone else had said it, it would’ve sounded like the cringiest pick-up line, but not him. Eren said it like a confession as if he truly felt that way and he had to tell you the truth no matter what. He doesn’t intend to sound corny, of course, but what can he do? You did look like an angel in his head. But now that he’s hearing the words out loud, he can’t help but feel mortified by them. “S-sorry,” he blushes. “I didn’t mean to sound so… lame.”
“No, it’s fine.” You could feel a pleasant warmth pooling inside your stomach. “Thank you.” You smile back at him, a bit timidly but as beautiful as always. “Will you… come and watch my recital next time? It’s not until three months from now, but—”
“Of course!” His eyes light up in excitement, his voice loud enough to make three people turn their heads at the sound. “Of course, I would love to! Can I bring my camera with me?”
You almost laugh. He reminds you of that little Siberian husky he owns, the way she looked so excited as she ran down the street, chasing a hummingbird. “Yes. Yes, you can.”
***
There are a lot of things Eren is grateful for in his life. He’s thankful that he has his Aunt Dina taking care of him and his brother after his parents passed away. He’s thankful that he has Zeke, no matter how obnoxious he is, for always lending him his credit card whenever Eren is in desperate need of money (involuntarily, true, but let’s not get into details). He’s thankful that he has Armin in his life to knock some sense back into him, both literally and figuratively speaking. And of course, he’s thankful that he met you—every version of you, though he hasn't noticed yet. But today… Today he doesn’t direct his gratitude to his Lord. Today, he wants to thank whoever it was who decided that motorcycles should have these super cramped seats because holy shit, they’re doing God’s work.
“I’m sorry for holding onto you like this,” you say with your hands tangled around his waist, a little bit embarrassed with how close you are to him. The motorcycle itself is designed to be a two-seater, but apparently, comfort for the pillion has not been a priority—which is a good thing for Eren because you don’t have other options left but to have your front all squeezed against his spine to fit in.
“Umm…” Eren swallows and he swallows hard. You’re wearing his leather jacket above your clothes and yet he can still feel the way your breasts—oh my God, they’re so soft—are pressed against his back. Maintaining his eyes on the road, he tries to focus on his surroundings as best as he can. “I-it’s okay.”
“Are you sure you’re not cold? You can take back your jacket if you want. I can just use mine.”
“No, it’s fine. Yours is too thin.” He refrains himself from sniffling because damn it, it is cold. He should’ve thought of bringing a spare jacket for you, but no, of course, being the idiot that he was, he didn’t. “Don’t worry about it. My house isn’t far from here.”
“Okay.” Despite his reassurance, you still have your eyebrows knitted in concern as you can still feel him shivering from the cold. As a way to warm him up—which is only an excuse for you to touch him even more, and to continue with your diabolical plan—you embrace him from behind, tightening your arms around him just a little bit harder.
Fuck, Eren thinks, face flushed. You’re plastered against him like a conjoined twin and he can feel your warmth seeping through his shirt. It’s a wonder that he’s still able to maintain his grip on his vehicle. “W-what are you doing?”
“Umm… Making you feel warm?” You reply sheepishly which drives him insane. You’re already so beautiful and sexy in his head, now you get to be so innocently adorable too?
Eren only responds with a little "Oh..." because that’s the only thing his pea-brain can manage to form with all this blood rushing to his head. God, you wish you could steal a glimpse of his face. What kind of expression does he have right now? He must look so cute.
He’s dying, that’s how he looks. Probably about to combust into flames too. Why are they so sooooft, Eren wants to whine, feeling your chest pushed up against his back even more. Is this the kind of sweet torture people talk about? The kind that makes you feel like you’re both in heaven and hell at the same time? It certainly feels like one.
“Sorry, Ren…” Noticing the way his body is tensing, you loosen up your hold. “Am I making you feel uncomfortable?”
“No!” Eren takes off his left hand from the steering wheel and snatches yours back before you can retrieve it. He keeps it in place, pressing your splayed fingers tight against his stomach until you can feel the shape of his abdomens underneath the thin layer of his white shirt.
“I’m not uncomfortable,” he says, his voice subdued by the wind. You fail to notice the way he stutters his words. “Hold on tight so you won’t fall."
When he’s only driving twenty miles per hour because of traffic ahead, even if you did fall, you would only get a scratch on your palm at most but neither of you cares. You both know it’s just an excuse anyway. "Okay."
"And also, uhh…” Eren is glad he has his helmet on to conceal his face. “It’s… warm. You, I mean. You're so warm.”
“I'm glad I am,” you giggle, winding your arm around him again, even going as far as resting your chin on his shoulder. Feeling a bit naughty, you lower your pitch, seduction ringing in his ears. “Kinda wish we were alone in your room right now,” you purr, your fingers hovering dangerously close above the hem of his jeans. “I know something else we can do to warm you up.”
That’s it. That’s the final string. Eren’s concentration breaks and he’s easily startled by the car driving past him on his right. Veering his vehicle immediately to the side, he nearly collides with the motorcycle on his left.
“WATCH IT, JACKASS!”
“Sorry,” Eren mutters in chagrin, while you’re cackling like a witch behind him. From his bar-end mirror, you can see how he childishly pouts at your laughter. “Why are you laughing—that wasn’t funny!”
“It was a bit funny,” you sneer. “You panicked like a girl.”
“Well, you were saying some nasty things to me!”
“What nasty things?”
“Y-you said you were going to do something else to warm me up.”
“Yes, I was speaking about making some hot chocolate for you. What were you thinking about?”
He opens his mouth, closes it, and repeats these two actions three times more before he gives up and grouses, “Oh, shut up.” Eren spends the rest of his drive pretending to be upset about it, even when you can tell he’s having the hardest time masking his smile. He can’t do it for long since your giggle is infectious.
“You seem happy,” he comments, mirroring the joy on your face.
“That’s because I am,” you reply, snuggling close. “I feel like I’m the happiest when I’m with you.”
Oh, for fuck's sake. “Don’t make me crash our bike into another car, I swear to God—”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry!”
When the laughter has receded, Eren shares stories about Dina and Zeke, the two family members he loves dearly—well, he loves Dina, Zeke can go to hell (affectionately)—and how they are very excited to meet you today. But the second you arrive at his house, no one comes to answer the door.
“Weird,” Eren mutters as he walks past the entrance, dropping the keys on the counter. “I thought they’d be—” He stops short when he notices a piece of paper lying on the coffee table. With a frown, he picks it up and runs his eyes across Dina’s neat handwriting.
Zeke and I are going shopping to give you kids some time alone. We’ll eat outside too so we won’t be back until nine. Remember to use protection ;) - Love, Dina.
Eren, too busy trying to understand what the fuck is going on, doesn’t notice the way you’re standing on your toes, trying to steal a peek at the paper from behind his shoulder. Unlike him who needs a whole minute to process her words, it only takes two seconds for you to finish reading the whole thing.
Eren shrieks at your presence, crumples the paper with both hands, tosses it inside the trash bin, and hopes the whole thing gets swallowed by hellfire. “You—You didn’t read that, did you?” It feels like he has his heart throbbing in his throat.
“Read what?” You play dumb, even tilting your head to the side for a cute, dramatic effect.
“Nothing,” he says, and when you arch your eyebrow at him, he spins you around, placing both hands on your shoulder as he guides you down the hallway. “Let’s just go to my room. Go, go, go, go, go.”
“Wait.” You stop him with one hand in the air, putting on your best solemn face. “Have you brought protection with you?”
“OH MY GOD, GO!”
***
Things aren’t going as smoothly as Eren had planned. Actually, nothing went as planned. For all he knew, all he had been doing was just turning red like a fucking tomato for the whole two hours he had spent with you, and you teasing the shit out of him. And it doesn’t seem like you’re going to stop anytime soon!
Is she planning to kill me? He sighs as he opens the door that leads to his bedroom, welcoming you in. She wasn’t like this yesterday. Now, don’t get him wrong. Eren loves how aggressive you’re being—he hasn’t unlocked his kink yet, but he’s secretly a sub who longs to be dominated by his women, both in bed and in real life—but with how smooth you’re going right now, constantly flirting with him as if it would kill you if you didn’t make him blush every ten minutes, this is getting so bad for his heart.
And it doesn’t help that he’s now alone with you in an empty house for the next—he takes a glimpse at his phone screen to check on the time—three hours and twelve minutes. His thoughts are going insane. From Dina’s message to the image of you in your skin-tight leotard, and of course, the way you embraced him on the ride home too. You’ve been giving him signs that you like him. You’re more honest and blatant compared to how you behaved during your date, and as much as he is certain that Spider-Girl is the woman he’s in love with, he can’t deny that he has feelings for you too. And the way you’re looking at him right now, sitting on the edge of his bed in your cute little red dress and your cute little matching headband with your smile never faltering away from your lips—everything about you right now is so… titillating.
“You’re such a dirty boy,” you smirk.
Eren nearly collapses. “W-what?” What the hell is happening? She can hear my thoughts now? WHAT IS GOING ON?! “What do you—I’m not—I don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I said you’re a dirty boy.” Your salacious smirk turns into a mischievous grin. “As in your room is a mess.”
“Oh!” He laughs once in relief, his hand coming up to wipe cold sweat off his forehead. “Oh, you were talking about my room, thank God.” Wait. He panics again, eyes moving back and forth from one corner to another, scanning his room. He’s sure that he’s cleaned up everything he could this morning, and by cleaning up, he means picking everything off the floor, jamming them inside his closet, and pretending that they don’t exist. Everything seems to be in order. There are no clutters on his computer desk. No laundry on the floor. Sure, the books on his shelf are in disarray, but at least they’re not too dusty. “It looks clean to me, though.”
“On the outside, sure,” you titter. “But your wardrobe looks like it’s seconds away from exploding. I don’t need to take a peek inside to know that you have dirty clothes and questionable things stored there.”
“I don’t have… q-questionable things,” Eren says very unconvincingly. Poor boy can’t lie to save his life. Unable to stand the way you narrow your eyes suspiciously at him, he sighs in defeat, “Well, it depends on how you define questionable.”
“Playboy magazines?”
“Nope.” Why should I buy one when I can just see naked girls for free on PornHub?
“Erotic novels?”
“No.” Ha ha, too bad. You were close, though, cause instead of erotic novels, I read—
“Erotic mangas, then?”
Fuck. “N-no,” he coughs out.
You wait for him, watching him with the nastiest grin you could muster until he gives up on his lies. “All right, all right, you got me,” Eren says, rolling his eyes. “I have some hentai mangas hidden in my closet. Happy now?”
“Immensely,” you chirp back and whatever it is you’re doing, it’s working well because Eren feels like he can breathe properly again.
Now that the tension isn’t as suffocating, you both settle down on the carpeted floor, your backside leaning against the side rail of his bed. You have your textbook perched on your lap, a pen between your fingers as you teach him about univariate and bivariate transformations. Eren wears a pair of eyeglasses when he studies, and you hate whoever invented those black frames for making him look more attractive than he already is as if his little man-bun wasn’t strong enough to emphasize that.
An hour passes by in a flash and Eren asks for a ten-minute break. You follow him to the kitchen, watching him make two cups of hot chocolate while casually throwing back some of your earlier teasings. It feels so domestic—the playful banter you throw, the way you share smiles and giggles while you both sit on the kitchen aisle with your legs dangling in the air. And while you secretly fantasize about spending every morning with him like this, Eren is constantly reminded of the time he spent with Spider-Girl.
Why does this feel so familiar? He ponders. Is your personality similar to hers? Is it the way you talk? Or is it because he unconsciously starts projecting Spider-Girl on you? Because he can’t stop thinking about her even when he’s trying his best to focus on you today? He grows restless at the thoughts. Because if that’s the case, then what’s the point of doing this? It’s clear that he’s still searching for Spider-Girl everywhere he goes. Even when he’s seeing you, he still thinks about her. He was sure he managed to forget about her earlier today, but the more he grows comfortable with you, and the more you show your true personality to him, the more he sees Spider-Girl in you.
When you return to his bedroom with him trailing after you, you notice a little box sliding out of his bag. Eren follows your gaze, mumbling, “Oh, shit, I forgot,” under his breath before he snatches it away. “I bought something for you earlier today,” he says, taking a seat on the edge of his bed with you settling down right next to him. “I wanted to give this to you back when we were at the studio but…” He smiles a little bit sheepishly as he hands it over to you. “I got, uhh… distracted.”
The way he said his words, it was clear that you were his distraction. “Thank you,” you reply, your fingers playing with the little red bow that ties the package together. “You’re always so thoughtful. I wanted to give you something too, actually, but I couldn’t get it done on time. It’s going to take a little while before I can finish it.”
“Oh?” His whole face brightens at once, seemingly giddy at the thought, as it would be the first time he’ll receive a handmade gift from the opposite sex. “You’re making something for me?”
“Yeah.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a surprise.” Your coquettish smile quickly becomes one of his favorite things in the world. “For now,” you land a hand on his shoulder, leaning up to brush your lips lightly against his cheek. The kiss is light and chaste, and yet, Eren turns rigid, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. You break away with a bashful smile painting your lips. “I hope that’s okay?”
“Umm…” He mumbles out, unfocused. “Yeah…”
The moment is there. The same atmosphere, the same tension that you felt when you were about to part ways at the end of your date has returned, ten times thicker than before. You maintain your gaze on his face, while Eren learns the texture of your lips with his eyes. They seem so soft, so inviting and he wants it. He wants to know how it would feel like to have your mouths pressed against one another but at the same time…
He’s conflicted again, you think to yourself, and if you’re not careful, your devilish smirk will rise to the surface again. It’s such a fun game watching him like this. You can almost literally see the way he’s battling against himself. On one side, he wants to kiss the bejeezus out of you, while on the other hand, he wants to push you away and say, “Girl, you’re making my jeans tighter than ever but this heart only belongs to one woman, and as long as you’re not dressed in white spandex, you’re not her.”
The evil that you are, you plan to make it even more interesting. “Kiss me.”
Somewhere at the back of his head, a nuclear bomb explodes, killing half of his brain cells at once. “W-what?” Eren croaks out, sounding like he hasn’t spoken in years.
You lean closer, your breath fanning his lips. God, your perfume, the scent of your breath—you smell so fucking wonderful. Sliding a hand up his chest, fingers gliding smoothly against the fabric of his shirt, you whisper again, “I want you to kiss me, Ren.”
“I—mmph—” His eyes close in reflex the moment your lips touch his, his eyebrows sewn together in the middle. You frame his cheek, bringing him closer to you than ever. For a moment, he succumbs, his fingers fisting the sheets underneath him. You press your body against him, and he wonders if you can feel his heartbeat reverberating on your skin. He lets out this cute little whine when he feels you parting his lips with yours, but the second he feels the tip of your tongue touching his, his body flinches and Eren breaks away.
“S-sorry.” He stands up abruptly from the bed, one hand shooting up to cover the bottom half of his face. His blush creeps up from his neck to the tip of his ears. He seems breathless, panicking out of his mind.
Your lips are just itching to exhibit a wicked grin but you pretend to be confused. “Is there something wrong?”
“I—I can’t—” He’s looking anywhere but your face, jittery hands moving animatedly as he speaks. “You and me—we can’t—I can’t do this with you—Not right now—Not when I’m—I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Poor Rennie looks like he’s having a heart attack. “You can’t?” You’ve never taken any acting classes before, but you’re sure as hell this performance you’re doing right now deserves an Oscar's Best Actress nomination. Guess binging Euphoria all weekend has some perks after all. “But…” You perceive him with glassy doe eyes. “I thought you liked me…”
“I did!” He shouts out the words like it physically pains him to say them out loud. He’s losing his mind and it’s hilarious. “I did…” Eren goes down to his knees before you, his hands reaching out to take yours before he settles them on your lap. They’re sweating, and so cold. “I really liked you but…”
You start to feel bad but the sadistic villain inside you wants to see more so you just fake a sob. “But now… You don’t like me anymore…”
“Oh, God.” You, brushing your nonexistent tears with your fingers right now, are his kryptonite. “Please don't cry. No—no, it’s not like that! I like you!” he shouts, his eyes shaking as he peers into yours. “Jesus, I think I even loved you at some point and maybe I still do, I don’t know—I don’t understand my feelings right now, I just—”
“It's okay,” you say, trying to calm him down. You're a bit worried now because if this guy ends up passing out, that’s going to be your fault. “It’s all right, Ren… I know what you’re saying…”
He pauses to take a deep breath. When he speaks again, he no longer sounds as squeaky as before. “Listen to me,” he squeezes your hand, and even if his fingers are still trembling, they’re doing their best to comfort you. “I really, really do like you. Honestly? I was so obsessed with you before. I stalked you like a pervert. I took pictures of you when you weren’t looking. I've had your photo as my wallpaper for God knows how long. My video journals—”
Are all about me, you echo the words in your head as he speaks the same thing. Oh my God, he’s freaking out so bad, he’s telling every bit of his secret now. So cute.
“I did all those things because I liked you and you should hate me for it—”
“I’ll never hate you, Ren. I want to be with you.”
You’re killing him. You can tell you’re killing him inside. “And you don’t know how much those words mean to me but the truth is, I’m—” He hesitates, still contemplating whether he should say the words out loud. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but if he continues doing this, letting his desire overtake him once again, he’s only going to hurt you even more. He needs to make a decision. “I’m in love with someone else.”
You fake a gasp, even going as far as covering your mouth with both hands. “Y-you are?”
“Yes…” He answers in dismay. “I know maybe I should give myself some time to figure this out but I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to make you wait for me. I don’t want to make you feel confused. And I know it would be easier to love you instead of her—I don’t even know how she feels about me but… I can’t. I can’t deny that I’m in love with her. And it’s not fair if I keep doing this with you when I keep thinking about someone else. I don’t want to be that kind of person.”
He’s kind. Eren is always kind. He could’ve just dated you both if he wanted to, but he didn’t. “I see,” you solemnly respond. “Can you… tell me who you’re in love with?”
He nibbles on his lip, looking down when he says, “S-Spider-Girl.”
FUCK, YES! In your mind, you’re punching the air in triumph with Cardi B and DJ Khaleed throwing a party in the background, celebrating your victory. But if you take a look at the situation, how fucking ridiculous is this? Imagine if Spider-Girl wasn’t your alter ego. It would be like you confessing to that delusional nerd Armin, only to be rejected by him saying he’s in love with a random cosplayer whose real name he didn’t even know. Well, with Armin, it’s still a plausible thought. Ridiculous, sure, but plausible.
“I see…” You land a hand above your heart, pretending like it’s breaking when you’re really trying your best not to cackle like a madman. “Oh, gosh… I don’t know what to say… This is such shocking news to me.”
Colors drain from his face. “I’m sorry.” He looks like he’s the one who’s having his heart shredded apart. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I’m sorry for leading you on. I should’ve told you last night. You are such an attractive woman. You’re beautiful. You’re brilliant and you’re so kind and—”
Oh my God, he’s consoling me now. It’s getting harder and harder not to guffaw at his face. "Ren—"
“—I’m sure there are a lot of guys out there who would love to date you,” Eren says, his eyes drooping in sadness. “And I know this is a selfish thought but I hope we can… still be friends?”
God, you better be grateful I’m Spider-Girl ‘cause this feels like a terrible break-up movie and I’m livid. “We can,” you nod. “But only if you do something for me.”
Eren blinks, his eyes turning hopeful. “Yes, anything. Anything you want, I’ll do it.”
“Okay, then, sit down on the floor.” With a confused frown, he follows without a word. “Lean back.” You give two light taps on the railing of his bed and he rests his backside against it. “Good, now close your eyes. Don’t open them until I say so.”
“Umm… Okay…”
“Promise me that.”
“I promise.” His furrow turns deeper when he senses you crawling up his bed. You position yourself behind him, lying down on your stomach with your elbows propping the upper part of your body.
You lean close, whispering breathily in his ear, imitating the words he once said to you on the night he kissed you. “Can I try something I’ve never done before?”
He shivers. The way your voice echoes through his mind sends his mind reeling. “Y-yes…” It sounds more like a question and you almost laugh. He’s beyond nervous.
Your hand slithers down his cheek before you hook your fingers on the underside of his jaw. You lift his face. His gaze would’ve lingered on the ceiling if he had his eyes opened but Eren keeps them pressed shut. Your touch feels burning on his skin. “W-what are you doing?” he stutters out as you take off his glasses.
“Telling you my biggest secret,” you murmur, leaning closer until you have your face hovering above his. He can almost feel your every word on his skin. “Do you trust me?”
“I—” He noticeably gulps. “I do.”
With an elfin smile, you lower your head. Eren softly gasps when your lips are connected. You’re kissing him upside-down, similar to the kiss he shared with Spider-Girl. You try to replicate the way he kissed you that night, starting out slow, giving him a light, innocent kiss. There’s no pressure on your lips, nothing to distract him away from how soft they feel against his. This is that kiss—your first kiss together.
And Eren remembers it. His body, his lips, his heart remember it.
A few seconds are spent with Eren holding his breath and when you pull away, whispering, “Look at me,” he slowly opens his eyes but they stay half-lidded, completely dazed.
You stroke his cheek, your smile is an everlasting beauty.
“I’m in love with you too, Rennie.”
Your confession certainly comes as a shock, but it’s not as much as the way you called his name. Eren has his heartbeat ringing clamorously in his ears, his eyes widening at the pet name you gave him back when you were nine-year-old. His flashback hits him at once and it strikes him like thunder. He has never told anyone else about the little girl he met in the hospital except for Spider-Girl, and even then, he didn’t tell you that she used to call him Rennie. So how the fuck can you tell?
Eren turns around, almost knocking his head against the railing as he does. “Wait—” He rises to his feet, both hands stretched out forward. He is mortified beyond belief. So embarrassed, that he wishes he can light himself on fire so he doesn’t have to deal with whatever the fuck that’s going on. This can’t be—she can’t be—
He catches you grinning at him no matter how much you try to hold yourself back. “Calm down, Rennie.”
“No, don’t call—” Oh my God, I can’t breathe—This isn’t happening right now—She—
You’re laughing—great, now you’re laughing—interrupting his thoughts and sending him even further down this endless hole of shame. “So, I’m your first love, huh? Been crushing on me ever since we were nine? Damn, didn’t know you were such a simp for me, Tarantula Boy.”
“No. No, no, no, no, no.” He only has one color on his face: red. “You can’t do this to me—”
“And you jerked off to my pictures?” You playfully scold him, stepping down from the bed and making your way to his spot. “Can’t say I’m pleased with that. Also, I can’t believe you kissed me right after our date ended. Not to mention, I had to save your ass again—”
Fuck, I can’t do this. Eren spins on his heels, literally trying to run away in shame as his brain turns into mush. He has one hand around the doorknob, ready to run and jump off the nearest bridge when you stretch out your arm and shoot out your web. Snaring him by his wrist, you pull him back toward you with a hard yank. With a startled yelp, Eren tumbles back, his body nearly crashes against yours but you catch him just in time. You flick the web off your wrist and tangle your arms around his neck.
Standing on your toes, you press your body against his, meshing your lips together and laughing against his mouth in response to the muffled sounds of his protest. “Kill me,” he sighs against your mouth, followed by a strangled moan when you part your lips just to close them around his bottom one. “Just kill me now, please.”
“You sure about that?” You tease him, one hand sliding down his chest. “Cause I’d rather do something else if you ask me.” You nip on his lip, not being as gentle as before.
Groaning in defeat, Eren frames your face with both hands. He decides to take control of the kiss as a way to make you feel just as flustered as he is now. He’s still awkward, his teeth almost knocking against yours but when his tongue slides inside, he manages to steal a gasp out of your mouth.
You lean your entire weight on him, clawing against his chest as he winds his arm around your waist. “Easy, Tarantula Boy,” you giggle, still sounding mischievous albeit a little breathless.
“You’re evil.” Eren moves his lips to your jaw before he settles his head in the crook of your neck. “I can’t believe you played me like this. Is this the reason why you were being so aggressive today?”
“I’m sorry.” Your small laughter morphs into soft moans as his tongue slithers against yours again. Your fingers slip between his strands, your eyes closed in pleasure as you face the ceiling, giving him more access to nibble on the supple skin of your neck. “I didn’t mean to go this far, actually. I just wanted to tease you a little bit but—” Your sentence ends abruptly in a gasp when he seizes you by your waist and throws you down to the bed. His strength surprises you but the way he handles you so easily, losing almost all the tenderness in his touch, lights your stomach on fire. He crawls on top of you, pinning your hand down against the sheets before he smashes your lips together again. The sudden change in his attitude baffles you but you're quick to display your smirk again. “My, my, look who’s being so aggressive now.”
“Shut up,” he replies, face aflame, robbing you of the ability to speak. Eren kisses you deeply, almost frantically, demanding, plundering your mouth with his own, and you understand why. He doesn’t use his passion to cover his embarrassment, not like what you thought he was doing. He’s kissing you like this, like he owns you and you own him, because he’s been in love with three different people all this time, and all of them are now in his arms, in the shape of you. And, God, you are beautiful.
“Calm down,” you remind him again, sliding your fingers up and down his spine, effectively slowing down his pace. His bun is a mess, his strands falling all over the place, all designed by your eager hands. You play with the baby hair on his nape when he pulls away, your smile is too delicate to be real. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to rush.”
His heart hammers inside his chest and it’s beating so fast, it’s frightening, but Eren loves it. He’s always felt this way when he was with you—with any version of you—but now that he knows you’re all of them, his heart beats three times faster. “I don’t think I can do it.” He keeps his face close enough for the tip of your nose to brush against his when he whispers, “I’ve been in love with the same girl for twelve years and now you’re right here and I’m… I’m going insane.”
He’s adorable. So adorable. “Well then, maybe I feel the same way…” You untangle his hair tie with one hand, pushing back his hair behind his ear before you caress his cheek. “‘Cause I’m sure I’ve been in love with the same boy for twelve years too.”
He melts in your arms, weak with the surge of joy that suffuses his body. “It’s hard to believe that you’re Spider-Girl,” he breathes out, resting his temple above yours, closing his lids. He seems so blissful, so relieved at the revelation. “But at the same time, it feels so right. This is the perfect moment of my life, I feel like I’m gonna die.”
“Don’t die just yet,” you titter. “You haven’t loved me enough yet.”
He breaks away with a peal of laughter flowing past his lips. “I’m already going insane because of you and you still want me to love you harder than this?”
“If you can.”
“So demanding.” He jokingly rolls his eyes. “That little boy in the hospital.” He twines his fingers around your wrist, bringing your hand closer to his face. He speaks his next words with his lips brushing against the lines of your palm. “Have you always known it was me?”
“No…” You’re entranced, eyes turning a bit hazy at the way his long eyelashes flutter against his cheeks. He peppers soft kisses on your skin down to the veins that paint your inner wrist. “I only realized it was you when you told me that story.”
“That night on the rooftop?” His pout returns. “You should’ve told me then.”
“Well, yes, but then I wouldn’t get to have this much fun.” You toss him your signature Cheshire Cat grin. Eren throws you a playful snort before he dives back to taste your lips again. “Plus, I was too… embarrassed to say a word back then. I’ve always thought you looked familiar but I had no idea that you were that boy.” You hug him close, breathing right against his ear. “You grew up so handsomely, Rennie….”
He’s buzzing with joy, every part of him is. “You’re really trying to kill me right now, aren’t you?” Eren tickles your side, making you laugh hard enough for his neighbors to hear. He takes in everything, the crinkles in your eyes, the way you have your mouth opened wide, and that adorable laughter you emit–he loves it all. “This is how I always imagined you to look underneath that mask when you laughed,” he confesses, settling himself between your legs.
You play with his necklace, fingers hooking around his silver chain. “Are you disappointed that I’m not as feminine as I usually behave on campus?”
“Are you kidding? I love you more like this.” Your heart thrashes wildly, no matter how hard you tell it to stay put. Eren props his elbows on the bed, trapping you between his arms. He gently swats the bangs out of your eyes, taking his time to examine your every feature, using the chance to commit every part of you into memory. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on but it’s Spider-Girl whom I’m in love with, and I never cared about her looks. I care about the way she comforts me with her words.” He presses a gentle kiss on the center of your temple, stunning you with intimacy. “I care about the way she cares about me.” He drags his lips to your cheek, lips as light as feathers. “How she gets upset on my behalf when I blame myself for something that isn’t my fault.”
“Yeah, you do that a lot, it’s annoying,” you giggle and you can feel his smile growing on your skin. “What else do you care about?”
“I care about the way she uses sarcasm as her weapon.” His lips are now closing around your earlobe, letting you know the shape of his smirk as he speaks. "And how she gets snarkier when she's embarrassed, not knowing what to do when she receives a compliment."
You flinch, a little bit sensitive in that area. Especially when he sounds breathier like this, huskier as if he just woke up from his dream. “I thought I was irritating.”
“Sometimes, sure.” But in his next lines, he abandons all the mirth in his voice, and he speaks sincerely from the bottom of his heart. “I'm kidding. I just find you endearing. I care about how you always pretend to be strong when you’re actually scared.” He grants a soft kiss on your nose, breaking away to look you in the eyes as he strokes your hair. “I care about how you seem like you don’t need anybody else in your life, when the truth is, you’re always searching for someone to be there for you. Just like everyone else, you’re scared of being alone.”
Your gaze softens, your stomach somersaulting at his words. “I can never lie to you, can I?” Your voice is not louder than a whisper, your lips only a breath away. “Ever since we were kids, you always knew what to say to me. You understood me more than anyone else.” It’s such a wonderful feeling to be with someone you can truly open yourself to. No secrets. No lies. No sweet nothings. No boundaries. “I wish we had never grown apart during those years. I would’ve loved to spend every moment with you. Growing up together. Being your best friend and making out with you on our school’s rooftop during lunch breaks.” You brush two of your fingertips against his lips, tracing the pretty shape of his mouth as he chuckles. “Maybe I could even give you that radioactive spider that bit me so you could be my sidekick and we could fight crimes together.”
“Your sidekick?”
“It’s kind of a package deal. Plus, I have better social skills. You're not ready to be a superhero, trust me."
"And why not?"
"'Cause even if you were able to kick some ass, you’d never win against your true enemy.”
“Which is?”
“The press. And Tony Stark ‘cause he’d just bully you like crazy without me.”
He just can’t seem to stop grinning when he’s with you. “Well, it’s not too late to start. I'm sure there's some radioactive spiders somewhere.” He gently bites on the tip, rolling your finger between his teeth. “Can you find me a tarantula, though? Spiders are a little bit overrated.”
“Of course, baby. Whatever you want.”
Eren smiles, bestowing another kiss and letting himself drown in your taste for a minute before he pulls away with a pout. “You said you could never lie to me,” he mutters. “But you’ve been lying to me about your identity for three months.”
“Oh my God,” you groan, throwing your head back. “Stop being so butthurt about it. I said I’m sorry.”
He chortles, gathering your face in his hand again. “You’re so annoying.” He pecks your lips. “But I love you.”
“You’re such an idiot.” You pull him for another kiss, separating your lips to welcome him inside. “But I love you.”
Your kisses seem never-ending, and none of you complains about it. It’s so addicting, so exciting to have his taste lingering in your mouth, to feel the flick of his tongue against yours. Eren may be an inexperienced kisser, but he learns fast. By the time he regains confidence, it’s easy for him to steal your breath away, leaving you all dazed and needy for more.
You have your body squeezed against his, your heels hooked behind his waist, but you’re left feeling unsatisfied as you still have layers of clothing separating your skin from his. “Can I do something I’ve never done before?” you ask him with a cheeky grin.
Eren, who was suckling on your neck a second ago, elevates his face just to give you a flat stare. “Can you stop embarrassing me for one second?”
“What, I can’t speak English now?”
“You’re using my words!”
“Since when are those words your words—It’s basic English!” Laughing, you roll him to his back, position yourself above his lap and watch him gulp in anticipation. With a naughty smirk, you slip your hand underneath his shirt, your fingers tracing the ridges of his abdomens before you bunch up the fabric in one hand and push it up to his chest. “Wow…” The word accidentally slips out of your mouth as you stare shamelessly at him. “Jesus, when the heck did you work out?”
“S-shut up.” He pushes down his shirt, hiding as much skin as he can from your hungry eyes while blushing like the virgin that he is.
Well, actually, you’re a virgin too, but at least, you act like a pro. “Why are you covering—let me see your abs!”
“No!”
“Wha—” You’re trying to pry his hands away. He’s pretty strong, and you don’t want to use your superhuman strength to pin him down just so you can marvel at his stomach (you won’t stoop that low).
“Stop trying to undress me, woman!”
You know what, if he keeps fighting you back like this, you might as well tie him up with your web. “Rennie, come on, just give me a peek!” Did you sound desperate? Yes. Are you desperate? Yes, times a thousand. “I’m your girlfriend, you know!”
“You literally just became my girlfriend like seven minutes ago!” He’s struggling just as much, keeping the hem of his shirt as low as possible. “Also, being my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can do whatever you like with my body! Ask me for my consent first!”
You see, he’s right. He’s totally right, but— “Babe, I can literally feel your dick poking against my thigh right now.”
“Y-yeah, but still…” Aaaaand he's blushing.
“Huh. Cute. Now let’s get back to the game, darling.” You grab the hem of his shirt and—
“No, wait! I’m not mentally ready and we're—” Eren gasps loudly—almost too dramatically—in both horror and surprise when you shoot two lumps of your web, snaring his wrists and keeping them glued on the bed right on each side of his head. He turns to face you again, his jaw dropping low when he speaks, “Did you just use your web on me?”
You did. Holy shit, you did. What happened to not stooping that low? “I-I’m sorry.”
“Just to see my abs.”
You palm your face, your cheeks blazing hot. “I’ll let you out—”
“You know Peter Parker wouldn’t do this to MJ, right?”
You sigh. You kinda wish you were bitten by a radioactive bunny so you could dig really fast and bury your whole existence inside a hole. “Well, I mean, I wouldn’t know–”
“Steve Rogers would judge you so hard right now.”
“Steve’s actually a kinky bitch. I’m sure he likes it. Look, just calm down,” you tell him, settling yourself on his lap while trying your best to ignore the way his cock is twitching in his pants at the sensation of your weight pressing against him. “I won’t do anything to you without your permission, all right? I'll act like a gentleman. A gentlewoman, if you must.”
“Oh, am I your lady now?”
“You’re acting like one right now, aren’t you?”
“Oh, shut up.” He yanks on his wrist, trying to break free but your web is unyielding. “Can you get this off of me? This looks ridiculous!”
No, it doesn’t. This looks kinky as fuck. Never have you imagined that you’d be using your superhero ability to tie up a handsome man on his own bed, but you learn something new every day, I guess. Trying not to stare so much at the way his biceps are flexing with every attempt he makes, you ask the most important question. “Are you nervous because you’re a virgin?”
“I’m not—” His face catches on fire. “I’m not nervous, I’m just—okay, yeah, I’m nervous.”
“Because you’re a virgin?”
“No,” is his first answer but then bashfully he corrects with, “Well, yeah, kinda. But I’m more nervous about the fact that you’re… not.”
“Not what?”
“A virgin.” He tucks his chin, his voice muted. “I just… I don’t want to disappoint you.” Because Eren knows that you’ve dated several popular guys on campus in the past. Porco Galliard, Colt Grice, even that notorious bad boy, Floch Forster at some point. How can he compete with that? He wants to have sex with you—God, he wants nothing more than to get his dick wet with the girl he’s been in love with for twelve years—but what if you’re not satisfied with him? What if he sucks (no pun intended)? What if he’s supposed to suck but he can’t suck properly? Like sucking on your tits, for example. What if he can’t suck them right? What if—
“I’m a virgin, though,” you say.
“Okay, you can do whatever you want with me. I’m ready.”
That’s it. That’s all it takes for you to get his consent. The next thing you know, Eren has his shirt bunched up around his chest, your fingers splayed and pressed flat against his stomach. “Damn,” you murmur under your breath, eyes transfixed on the way his muscles tighten underneath your palm. “If I had known you looked like this underneath that hoodie, I wouldn’t have wasted all these months keeping my identity a secret.”
His blush blossoms fast on his face, flinching when he feels your fingertips tracing the dip of his V-line. “I—I thought you were trying to keep your identity a secret to protect me.”
“Well, yeah, that too, but—” You brush your pads against his navel, feeling the little happy trail that disappears behind his jeans. He lets out this little sound, like a mix between a yelp, a whimper, and a moan, and it’s so fucking cute. “I think I’d be okay with you getting kidnapped once a week if I get to do this every day.”
“It feels so weird to have a hot girl talking about me like this, but okay.” Eren, despite how bizarre this conversation is getting, still has his focus on how to break himself free from your webbing. “Can you do something about this, please? It feels sticky on my skin.”
“No.”
“What do you mean 'no?' I can’t touch you if I’m like this!”
“Yes, that is the point, now shut up.” To Eren’s surprise, you casually yank your dress over your head, tossing it haphazardly on the floor and leaving you only in nice lacy lingerie that matches the shade of your lipstick.
“Fuck me,” he mutters under his breath, his gaze quickly shifting down to your chest. He gulps at the sight. “B-badonkers…”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, your tits—your breasts!” He stammers. “They’re—they’re perfect. Like, the shape of them and how they look so… so soft and…” He clears his throat, realizing just how much lame he’s being. “You know, like a really nice pair of natural, fully functional breasts.”
You scrunch up your nose at his words. “Are you going to be like this the whole time?” You reach one hand behind your back, unclasping your bra.
“I… hope not…” He’s staring with unblinking eyes, practically salivating at the sight of your breasts bouncing once as you position yourself better on his lap. Fuck, they really are perfect. “A-are you sure you’ve never done this before?”
“You mean sex? No.” You lean forward, crawling up his body until you have your face hovering above his again. “Why?”
“You just seem awfully calm and—” You leave him speechless for a good few seconds when you press your breasts against his chest. Eren whines, closing his eyes as he throws his head against the bed. “Fuck.”
Your lips twitch up into a smirk. “Soft, aren’t they?”
“Like fucking marshmallows.” He dreamily sighs—almost sobbing, really. “Can I have your tits in my mouth, please?”
Perhaps sometime in the future, when you look back into this scene again, you’ll have the biggest cringe moment in your life because what the fuck is he asking but right now, everything just seems so hot, you don’t even care. “Yeah, but maybe later once I’m done with you.” You reward him with a kiss to distract him, stifling his protest. “To tell you the truth, I’ve gone to second base before but I’ve… never gone past that.”
“Oh… Why not?”
“Just didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do at that time,” you answer with a shrug. “I almost did it with Porco but… It felt like I was missing something so I stopped him at the last minute.”
There’s jealousy burning inside him, but the revelation also provides him some relief. “I see…”
You can sense it, the tiny hint of fury raging in his chest and you nuzzle the tip of your nose against his to soothe him down. “Are you jealous?”
“No.”
He is. He so is. “Would you like it if I said I was waiting for the right person?” You slide down one finger from the middle of his chest to the dip of his belly button. “Waiting for you?”
“N-no.”
He would. He so would. “You’re cute.”
“Stop calling me cute—ah!” A moan is snatched away from the back of his throat the second you grind your hips against him. Even the slightest friction drives him insane and now he has you rubbing your clothed heat against his bulge. “Fuck, baby, that feels good.”
You recall the way he called you by that pet name on that night you shared your first kiss with him, and as pleasant as it was in your ears, this one feels a million times better. It’s laced with urgency, desperation, and need. “Can I take off your jeans?” You ask him, even when your fingers are already playing with his zipper.
“Are you going to ask me questions the whole time?”
“You said you wanted me to ask for your consent.”
“Yeah, fuck that. Do whatever you want with me. I’m yours.”
You almost laugh. “Well then, don’t mind if I do,” you say, a moment before your lips meet in a frenzied kiss. Eren arches his back, wanting to close every inch of gap between your skins until he feels like you’re completely plastered against him. He can feel your hand sliding down his stomach, toying with the button of his jeans before you push them down to his mid-thighs, along with his briefs. With a sheepish smile, you maintain eye contact as you curl your fingers gently around his shaft.
“How does it feel, Rennie?” You keep your face close, loving his expression. “Feels good?”
His chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, his face scarlet and erotic. “Feels ama—”
Right at that exact moment, Zeke Jaeger comes bursting inside his room with a phone in his hand, recording everything as he shouts, “AHA! CAUGHT YOU GUYS IN 4K! I knew you wouldn’t be studying–” He freezes at the sight of you stroking his sibling’s cock, your naked breasts practically dangling over his face, and for a second, none of you make a sound.
And then, it’s chaos.
The three of you are screaming at the same time, with you quickly grabbing the nearest pillow to cover your front, completely forgetting to throw a blanket on your poor boyfriend who’s practically buck-naked on his bed. Eren, with his wrists still glued to the sheets, can only spout out incoherent words, while his brother, who’s so horrified at the sight of Eren’s cock, spasming and leaking in desperate need of attention, can only stand still, his brain unable to function. It’s only until Eren screams, “ZEKE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!” that he returns to his senses, whining out, “DINA, MY BROTHER IS FUCKING BEFORE ME!” as he runs back into the kitchen.
You hastily jump down from the bed, shutting the door and locking it up. “Use your web,” Eren says, “He has a spare key. He can still barge in anytime.”
“I think he saw us,” you utter in horror.
“Yeah.”
“If I drop him off the building and make it look like an accident, do you think you’ll be okay with that?”
“Will I be okay with you killing my brother after seeing your boobs and catching me getting tied up to my bed and being dominated like a fucking masochist by my girlfriend?” Eren watches his cock wilting away. “Yes.”
“Well, not killing. I’m just gonna punch him hard enough to give him like a massive concussion or something.”
“No, no, no. Let’s just stick to murder. I like murder.”
***
AN: Hi, everyone! It took me a while but I finally got to finish this series. I wanted to write a small epilogue that will feature a funny scene where they get to lose their virginity to each other but since I'm pregnant with my second child now, I don't think I'll have the energy/time to do it, I'm sorry 😭😭😭 I hope you enjoyed the story despite how cringe this is (I'm never gonna do comedy again oh god what was I thinking). Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'll see you next time!
Tagging:
@l6ffys @vivi-et @halparkebitch @fwess @littlemochi @thebeardedmoon @didiyogo @coyloves @erenbean @tehehebri @justasketch @infnteen @naiomiwinchester @spiderlingh @doyochii @ahornyenby @aengelren @sakurashell @princess-okkotsu @resonancesoul @blrqt @cacapeepee @persyhange @jaegersdiary @erentoes @trashygremlin04 @meed18 @j0livi0ni @snowflake-201 @eva-gates @claudevonstrukesblog @sofijaeger @rinsie @blanccofiie @ereninbunu @natanialora @khinjito @jaegeriess @watermelon-online @tropicsoda @damselofblueroses @alexackrman @bblgumz @jurrasicpork @erenjaegercult @holycandypizza
#eren smut#eren fluff#eren jaeger smut#eren x reader#eren jaeger fluff#eren yeager smut#eren yeager fluff#eren jaeger x reader#eren yeager x reader#aot smut#snk smut#aot fluff#snk fluff#eren x reader smut#aot x reader#snk x reader#eren x you#our little secret canon
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☆ Things i’m manifesting ☆
☆ telekinesis
I feel like it would be really cool to have telekinesis, Ive always doubted the accounts on tiktok of people doing telekinesis but SHIII since anythings possible i might aswell manifest something ive always wanted!!
☆ winning a lottery
My mom needs this SOOO bad bruh!! This will help all our struggling.
☆ desired Friend group.
I have a specific friend group scripted aswell, idky but ive just been falling off with my friends like i have barley any friends left .
☆ Having A marks in every subject no matter what without studying
no becs does this even need an explanation? LIKE WHO WOULDNT WANT THIS? Ive been falling off, my grades are horrifying.
☆ photographic memory
Ive always wanted this && found this cool. Ive always found it cool how in “Alice in borderland” how he was able to always remember stuff, it was like a dreammm!
☆ Having pretty privilege.
No explanation.
☆ Desired scenarios to happen
No explanation.
☆ knowing human physiology , being able to read anybody just by their looks, moves,etc,
IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT PHYSIOLOGY! Like ive always found the whole topic cool. But when i found out about human physiology? I WAS SOO INVESTED! i have to wait to get the books, so why bother just make my 2D a reality.
☆ Revising WHOLLEEE family.
Mainly my birth dad since i havent met him, but my point stands
☆ Able to shift instantly on commands.
No explanation.
☆ Can breath and see underwater.
No explanation.
☆ ideal swimsuit
theres these super cute swimsuits that are like 30Million dollars for each piece and im like WTFFF so im just gonna wait for it to come to me
☆ meeting amazing people
I havent scripted anything about these amazing people, so im just gonna let it come unexpectedly!
☆ Going on an trip to disney cruise
No explanation.
☆ ability to see who is the good person (if you see green aura around a person that means he’s a good person and if you see a red aura around a person that means he's a Bad person).
Ive always wanted to be aware if somebody is bad or not, not like anybodys gonna listen to my ruling, but atleast I know.
☆ desired body&& face
No explanation
☆ healing power
No explanation
☆ Manifesting a genie that grants you unlimited wishes
Because what? ive always felt deep down that ts was possible.
☆ meeting future me
Because i wanna know how ill be in the future PERIODT
☆ Ability to see into the future.
No explanation
☆ a yacht
my family is dirt poor , so this would be so cool and mean sm to me idk
☆ mom randomly getting a loaddd of money
my moms poor
☆ being fluent in french and spanish
CAUSE IVE ALWAYS TRIED TO WANT TO KNOW THESE LANGUAGES
☆ not feeling any pain
No explanation
☆ able to see peoples auras
No explanation
☆ all animals love me
Cause it would be so cool for a bird to not scatter like they normally do when they see people
☆ an adorable kitten
My mom said no pets but idgaf
☆ a pendant that you can put on your stuffed animals or pets that allows you to understand and talk to them!
IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHAT MY PETS SAY!! Like i wonder if my cat just goes like “get tf away from me you ugly ass bitch”😍
☆ infinite money card
it would be so hard to explain
☆ getting a fairy friend , Whose name is magical && looks like tiana
basic name but idc. i really want that cute fairy.
☆ my mom being less strict
She wont let me date or dye my hair . OR GET A SEPTUM.
☆ all piercings heal fast
im supposed to get a belly, industrial, snake bites & septum. so ofc
☆ blowing up on tumblr
A DREAMMM FR!! but im not in a rush nd idm watching my acc slowly grow.
☆ learning more about LOA
I wonder if LOA works like this. like can i just manifest to manifest?? LMAO
word to manifest all - “Cinnamon roll”
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live action avatar pros/cons
my opinion. mostly for me just to gather my own thoughts on this
pros:
zuko was so sassy i'm obsessed. so teenage girl core and i loved it
sets were awesome when there wasn't a green screen situation
the 41st division being zuko's crew. i went feral
zuko sitting next to iroh at lu ten's funeral and just the depiction of their relationship in general
roku being a silly little guy- there was more on his personality
the costumes were pretty cool in general and true to the original
the cabbage guy
sokka being more of a big brother (+ that scene with hakoda saying he was disappointed in sokka. angsty but i thought it added to his characterization)
oma and shu being lesbians!!!!! that was so cute
yue's characterization- i feel like they added more to her it was nice
sokka and hahn being friends instead of rivals
the actors. idk i felt like the casting was good and all the actors did a good job of representing their characters with the questionable writing
cons:
aang didn't even learn waterbending???? i'll let it slide but still
katara's development as a waterbender was kinda choppy- at the beginning she was awful and then she was a master??? girlboss but there was no middle ground
also i feel like her character was a little 2D compared to the original
they left out a lot of aang's character (running away to escape avatar duties, lying about being the avatar, being chaotic??? live action aang was too calm for me. that bitch is crazy let him be crazy)
yue's goddamn wig
when i tell you this is SO petty but i thought mai's hair was too fluffy. this is so minor but i always thought her hair would be all sharp and sleek and i love fluffy hair but idk
they left out pakku being engaged to gran gran????? what the hell guys. this takes away from my theory that gran gran specifically sent katara to the north pole to kick his ass and the hilarity of gran gran being so opposed to marrying a guy she literally went across the world
badgermoles seeing with feelings rather than vibrations. that was corny
i mentioned this before with aang and katara but the characters felt a little oversimplified to me idk
#atla#avatar the last airbender#natla#netflix#live action#avatar#sokka#zuko#iroh#katara#aang#toph#my baby :(#speaking of i missed her#ik it's not till s2#but STILL
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Raven VS Waifus
Raven: Hey, yo, suck my strap, Sunny.
Sun: Raven, what are you doing here?
Raven: First of all, you Son Goku knock-off bitch-
Sun: That's hurtful.
Raven: I'm the number one waifu! WHY THE FUCK YOU AIN'T INVITE ME HERE?!
???: You tell 'em, Raven!
Sun: Because you scare me.
Raven: I'm better than half these teen-tank wannabe bitch-ass bitches, bro!
Sun: What?
Raven: Have you not SEEEEEEN the simps in my DMs begging me to peg them and shit?
???: I'm one of 'em!
Raven: I've got beta boys sayin' they'd fuck me naked with two dicks inside of 'em!
Sun: I'm tellin' their mamas.
Raven: I am high-grade waifu fucking material!
???: Yessir!
Raven: You stupid BITCH! If I made a LonelyHunts where I put on a maid outfit and dipped my toes in chocolate pudding while pissing on the floor-
Sun: That's disgusting.
Raven: I would have BUCKS! Because of all the simps I got!
???: Ayo, she's right! I would definitely buy that! I BUY THREE MONTHS!
Raven: These 2D vending machine bitches ain't got shit on me! Fuck all you anime bitches! I'm tired of y'all! Go on, somewhere! I run this shit! ME!
RAVEN!
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Someone tell these dick head anons that traveling can be for several reasons, even jkkrs knows about it. So there's no need to come like your pea sized brain got a gotcha moment. These people literally operate in 2d world it seems. Or are they too dumb to even understand how a real world works ?
1. THE MAIN REASON FOR THEIR TRAVELING IS THE TRAVEL VLOG THEY ARE FILMING. THATS WHAT FANDOM AND MEDIA KNOWS AND THATS WHAT THE OFFICAL EVENT THEY ARE TRAVELING FOR YOU MORONS. BUT THEY CHOSE TO DO IT WITH EACH OTHER KNOWING HOW THEY WILL BE SEPERATED FOR SOME TIME TILL THEY FINISH THEIR SERVICE, MAKING AS MUCH AS BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES WITH EACH OTHER BEFORE ENTERING MILITARY. YOUR DENIAL IS A PERFECT COVERUP FOR JKK... KEEP DOING IT...👏👏
2. DEAR UNEDUCATED BITCHES, ONCE YOU START ENLISTING PROCESS YOU CANT TRAVEL OUT OF THE COUNTRY UNLESS ITS FOR WORK RELATED. DO YOU THINK JKK CAN JUST GO FOR A LOVEY DOVEY TRIP, EVEN AS PRIVATE ? NOPE. SO THIS SCHEDULE IS A PERFECT COVER UP FOR THEM TO TRAVEL AND SPENT TIME TOGETHER BUT ALSO FINISH THEIR COMMITED WORK SCHEDULES. IF YOU ARE A TKKR READING THIS, MAYBE ASK TAE TO FIND SOME JOB ABROAD, SCHEDULE IT IN THE COUNTRY JENNIE IS CURRENTLY IN AND TRAVEL THERE BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE CAN HAVE A FOREIGN TRIP WITH HIS GF AS HE ALREADY STARTED MS PROCESS. IF YOU ARE AN INSECURE JKKR/ JKKR COSPLAYING AS TKKR/ HOMOPHOBE... PLEASE RESPECTFULLY F OFF 🙏🏾
3. DOES THESE SHITWIPES THINK IF THEY TRAVELED A WEEK TO JAPAN THEY CANT TRAVEL TO ANY OTHER PLACES, TOGETHER OR ALONE, ANYMORE ? NOPE... JIMIN AND JK ARE BOTH VERY IN DEMAND.. MOST SUCCESSFUL BTS SOLOISTS, UNLIKE YOUR FAVS WHO COULDNT EVEN CRACK A TOP 50 IN BB, WHO HAVE MULTIPLE COMMITMENTS EVERY DAY. JK WAS WORKING NON STOP FOR MONTHS AND JM WAS LITERALLY FILMING TILL THE DAY HE LEFT FOR JAPAN WITH LOVE OF HIS LIFE. AND GUESS WHAT? THEY STILL CHOSE TO TRAVEL WHEN THEY COULD.
4. ONCE THEY COME BACK TO SEOUL, THEY'LL BE BACK TO VERY HECTIC SCHEDULES, PROBABLY EVEN MORE HECTIC. NO, THEY ARENT GONNA SIT BACK AND CHILL LIKE SOME OF YOU ALL THINK. THEY ARE FILMING CONTENTS FOR COMING 2 YEARS...JM IS WORKING ON A MV AS FAR AS WE KNOW, DOING PHOTOSHOOTS, FILMING FOR DIOR AND TIFF... WHILE JK IS HAVING HIS OWN SCHEDULES ABROAD AND IN KOREA... BOTH OF THEM WILL BE TRAVELING OUTSIDE THE COUNTRY ACCORDING TO THEIR SCHEDULES. MAYBE THIS IS THE ONLY WEEK THEY ARE BOTH FREE SO THEY CHOSE TO SPEND IT TOGETHER. UNLIKE YOUR JOBLESS ASS, THEY ARE BUSY.
5. THEY ARE FILMING TRAVEL VLOGS IN JAPAN WHICH IS EDITED TO JUST 20 MIN EPISODES SO YOU ARENT GONNA SEE HOW THEY SPEND THEIR WHOLE DAY IN JAPAN LIKE THE LOVELY COUPLE THEY ARE. THEY COULD BE HUG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, MAKE OUT IN A CLUB, FUCK IN THEIR HOTEL ROOM.... AND ALL WE WILL BE SEEING IS A 20 MIN EPISODE OF THEM PLAYING IN SNOW, SNOWBOARDING, CHATTING RANDOM THINGS AND EATING. THEY COULD ALSO BE FILMING MULTIPLE SOLO GIGS TOO... IF THATS WHAT YOUR DOUBTS ARE. THEY CAN FILM A DANCE PERFORMANCE, PROBABLY ATTEND MAMA, DO A PHOTOSHOOT OR WHATEVER THEIR JOB IS. UNLIKE YOUR UNLOVED SELFS... THEY HAVE LOT OF LOVE TO EACH OTHER BUT AT THE SAME TIME ARE PROFESSIONALS.
6. AFTER THEM SPENDING TIME WITH EACH OTHER, AFTER THEY FINISH THEIR WORK COMMITMENTS... PROBABLY A WEEK OR 2 BEFORE ENLISTMENT, THEY'LL GO TO THEIR HOMETOWN... MEET THEIR PARENTS, FREINDS AND FAMILY AND SPEND TIME WITH THEM. I KNOW YOU ALL CANT RELATE AS YOU ALL DOESNT HAVE A LOVING FAMILY OR REAL FREINDS...SINCE ALL YOU HAVE TIME FOR IS TO DRAG AN INNOCENT BOY BECAUSE HE'S DATING YOUR FAV.
7. THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO USE OF TAKING YOUR STINKY ASSES HERE TO WHINE BECAUSE YOU ALL DIDNT GOT WHAT YOU WANTED. JKKRS KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING, JKK DO THEIR THING, YOUR FAVS DO THEIR OWN THINGS... NO ONE REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR WHINNINGS... MAYBE GO AND OVERDOSE LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO WHEN YOU SEE JKK, MAYBE JUMP OFF FROM A CLIFF OR ADMIT YOURSELF TO ASSYLUM. NOTHING WILL CHANGE THE WORLD, JIMIN, JUNGKOOK, THEIR RELATIONSHIP, THEIR CAREER OR THEIR FANS.
I hope I put some kind of light in to your non existent braincells. Now take your stupid self from here... you look like an unwanted trash bag here.
Dear sky, please don't censor anything 🙏🏾... I really want everything to pierce through their eyes and brains if they have any 🙂 And just post this whenever they come back with any new discoveries or theories lol.. I've included almost everything I can.. let them get mad when they aren't getting the attention and answer from you everytime.
Hello,
Your time to shine because the haters are back!
I'll just keep reblogging this over and over.
Thank you for sharing these FACTS!
:)
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Kai: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!
Kai, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.
Zane: Kai, you can do anything!
Kai: Anything?
Zane: Anything!
Kai, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?!
Zane: Wait, not that!
Cole: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way?
Nya: Wait, what’s the difference?
Cole: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.
Kai: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.
Pixal: Throw rocks at he.
Cole: Hot Dogs.
Morro: Kill him.
Kai: Thanks guys.
Nya: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.
Pixal: You use emojis like a straight person.
Kai: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.
Kai: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Jay: Peonies, why?
Kai:
Jay: Were you going to get me flowers?
Kai:
Jay:
Kai: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
Jay: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff.
Nya: Oh, that was all real.
Jay: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?!
Nya: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.
*The gang is about to do something dangerous*
Cole: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk?
Kai: Go ahead.
Cole: Be careful.
Cole: Don’t die.
Pixal: *Holds back a laugh*
Kai: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.
Jay: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
Cole: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Jay: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
Cole: Somehow that's worse.
Kai: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F...
Kai: ...How did I fail being born?
Cole: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Zane!
Zane: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.
Pixal: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.
Pixal: It's me.
Cole, in a room with Jay, Kai, and Nya: It’s calm in here.
Cole: It scares me…
Nya: Fight me!
Kai, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.
Zane: Nya got into a fight.
Kai: That’s bad.
Kai:
Kai: Did she win?
Cole: Jay, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery.
Jay: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!
Kai: Is that a gun?!
Jay: It's not what it looks like!
Kai: It looks like a gun!
Jay: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore.
Kai: ...ANYMORE?!
Kai, to the Squad: I’d die for you.
Jay: Then perish.
Pixal: You will.
Nya: Please don’t.
Cole: Cool.
Zane: I’d die for you first.
Nya: If you got arrested what would be the charges?
Jay: Theft.
Zane: Disturbing the peace.
Cole: Aggravated assault.
Kai: Arson.
Pixal: All of the above. In that order, probably.
Nya: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year?
Jay: If you say me, I swear I’ll—
Nya: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!
Cole, texting Zane: Zane there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?
Cole: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry
Cole: Zane
Cole: Zane
Zane: Zane is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.
Pixal: A sprite is anything not static.
Jay: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d.
Cole: A sprite is a fucking soda.
Cole: You god damn geekass bastards.
Kai: *sighs* I have no friends...
Jay:
Jay: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!
Zane: *tapping fingers on table*
Cole: *taps fingers back furiously*
Jay: …What’s going on?
Pixal: Morse code. They’re talking.
Zane: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -
Cole: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Jay: *finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods*
Jay, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!
Kai: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.
Nya: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Kai, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—
Zane: A family.
Cole: A better love life.
Nya: Mental stability.
Pixal: *clueless* Bagels?
Zane: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.
Jay: I'm sorry. Please talk to me.
Kai:
Jay: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure?
Kai: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.
Nya: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Jay.
Jay: Hey, fuck you.
Jay: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!
Pixal: Why is Kai crying?
Zane: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
Kai: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!
Pixal: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-
Kai: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!
Pixal: NO, NOT THAT!
Zane: Hey, what have you two been up to?
Nya: We were helping Kai write his vows, but he kicked us out because Cole was making inappropriate suggestions.
Cole: How is “Jay, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?
#ninjago#cole ninjago#kai ninjago#jay ninjago#ninjago nya#ninjago pixal#ninjago zane#plasmashipping#glaciershipping#hotwireshipping#jaya#ninjago jaya#oppositeshipping#bruiseshipping#geodeshipping#conya#mudshipping#crack#long post#incorrect quotes#source: ???#source: various#ninjago morro
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