#25 years of noise tour

[howwearestories]

Wednesday, January 15th we photographed Silverstein, Thursday, Arm's Length and Split Chain at The Paramount in Huntington, NY. The full photo gallery from the show can be seen here.

All photos © Andy Jimenez/How We Are 2025

[inktr3pid]

Je Me Souviens

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

caught in the middle | charles leclerc

🎸 synopsis: After a rainy concert in London, you end up sharing burgers backstage with Charles Leclerc, of all people. tags: rockstar life, talks about fame & pressure (written in 2nd person but no mention of yn) | (around 2.4k words)

It’s one of those nights. You can feel the rain before you even hear it, the weight of it pressing down from the clouds, and you just know it’s going to pour. And it does. Hard. The London sky opens up as if it’s got something personal against you, and you’re huddled under a canopy behind the venue, watching as water cascades down. Everything’s soaked – the equipment, the crew, you – and the mood is tense, all nerves and curses muttered under breath because, of course, this is how the night’s going to go.

It’s not your first time here. You’ve played this venue before, two or three times over the years, and every time it feels a little different. A little bigger, like the walls have expanded to swallow more people, like the stage gets higher and the lights hotter. And tonight, it’s not just the rain; it’s a mess of last-minute technical problems. Something about the lighting rig not syncing up, and the sound checks running late because of a blown amp, and the stage crew rushing around to patch things together while you pace the green room, wondering if it’s all going to fall apart before it even begins.

Your tour manager’s in your ear, reassuring you that everything’s fine, but you’ve heard that line before, and it does nothing to stop the nervous twist in your gut. You’re too old for this kind of anxiety, you think. 25 isn’t even that old, but then why does it feel like you’re walking a tightrope every time you hit the stage? Like you’re one wrong move away from everything crashing down. You watch the rain from the window, and it reminds you of all the other times you’ve felt this way, every tour and every city bleeding together in your memory.

Something shifts. It’s hard to say when exactly it happens – maybe it’s when the crew finally gives you the thumbs-up, or when the rain lets up just enough for you to see the crowd gathering through the fogged-up glass. Maybe it’s the hum of the bass vibrating through the walls or the way the adrenaline suddenly kicks in, hot and electric. Either way, you hear them out there, the crowd – muffled cheers and a murmur that swells and dips, building anticipation, wrapping itself around your chest and squeezing until you can barely breathe. 

You don’t let yourself think about it too much. You go through the motions, pulling on your jacket, checking the setlist one more time even though you’ve memorized it, cracking jokes with the band like it’s any other night, and then it’s time. The stage manager is waving you over, and you take one last deep breath – just one – before you step out into the hallway that leads to the stage. Your footsteps echo, and the noise from the crowd grows louder. You can feel the heat of the lights before you even see them, hear the opening notes of the intro track rumbling through the speakers. You don’t look back. You can’t. 

Then the crowd sees you, and the roar that goes up is like nothing else. It’s everything, like you’re not standing on a stage but flying, unstoppable, and the rain outside doesn’t matter, the equipment issues don’t matter. Nothing matters except the music, the energy.

You start singing. You don’t even remember starting, but your fingers are on the strings of your guitar and the music’s pouring out of you, and the band’s right there with you. You can feel the floor vibrating beneath your feet, the beat pounding in your chest. It’s perfect, even in its imperfections – the missed cues, the notes you almost fumble but catch at the last second, the feedback that whines for half a beat before it’s smothered. The adrenaline burns through you until you can’t tell where you end and the music begins.

When you look out at the crowd, you wonder if they know what it costs, if they can see how hard you’re fighting to hold onto this, to keep the dream alive even when it feels like it’s slipping away.

You hit the chorus and they’re all singing with you, the sound so loud it’s almost deafening, and it’s like the world stops. You’re not thinking about the rain or the mistakes or the way your fingers ache from playing the same chords over and over. You’re just feeling it, the connection, the rush, the way it all comes together for just a few minutes.

You stumble off stage, still feeling the echo of the last note ringing in your ears, your chest heaving with each breath. The heat’s oppressive, and your shirt is damp with sweat, sticking to your back in a way that makes you want to peel it off. You’re half-drunk on adrenaline, on the sound of the crowd still buzzing through the walls, and you don’t even realize you’re smiling until someone hands you a water bottle and you chug it down in three desperate gulps, nearly doubling over from the effort.

The band’s all around you, slapping your back, bumping shoulders, shouting half-coherent things like “Killed it tonight!” and “Best show yet!” But you’re only half-listening, already thinking about the part that comes next. The part that’s always a little awkward, a little forced, where you shake the hands of strangers who got lucky or know the right people or just happened to win some contest. You try to give them a moment to remember, even when you’re exhausted, even when all you really want is a quiet corner to catch your breath. You take a second to steady yourself, push your damp hair out of your eyes, and head toward the meet-and-greet area, already pasting on that familiar, practiced smile.

They’re waiting for you when you get there, clustered in small groups, some with wide-eyed grins, some pretending they’re not as excited as they are. You go through the motions – handshakes, hugs, quick photos with flashing phones that make your vision blur. You ask them how they liked the show, where they came from, if they’ve seen you play before. You keep the rhythm going until your attention snags on someone standing a little apart from the crowd, someone you haven’t seen around before.

He’s got the kind of beauty that makes him stand out, even though he’s just standing there, hands in the pockets of a jacket. And you know him. Of course, you do – how could you not? It’s Charles Leclerc, the one and only. But you’re the rock star here, and you know how to play it cool.

You step forward, hand outstretched, because if you think too much about it, you’ll probably lose your nerve. “Hey,” you say, your voice a little rough from the show, from the yelling and the singing and the way the night’s adrenaline still hasn’t quite worn off. “Nice to meet you.”

His handshake is firm, warm, and he’s got this smile that’s just a little shy, like he’s not used to being on this side of the spotlight, which makes you feel weirdly better. Less alone. “Nice to meet you,” he echoes, his accent softer than you expected, “I’m a big fan.”

You almost choke. Me too, you want to say, because you’ve followed his career, but you don’t. You just nod, feeling your own grin stretching wider than it should, because it’s not every day you meet someone who’s famous in their world, too, and suddenly you’re a little self-conscious, wondering if you’re as cool as you think you are.

“Glad you liked the show,” you say, keeping it light, like he’s just another fan, even though he’s not. Not really. 

He laughs, easy and low, and you notice the way he shifts his weight, like he’s trying to find the right thing to say but doesn’t want to come off too eager. “It was incredible,” he says, and he sounds like he means it. “I’ve been listening to your music for years. This… this was something else.”

“Thanks,” you say, feeling your cheeks warm, and you hope he can’t see it in the low backstage lighting. “Means a lot, coming from you.” It slips out before you can stop it, and you watch his eyebrows lift, surprise passing over his face like he wasn’t expecting you to know who he was. 

The rest of the band finally notices him and they’re quick to be all over him. They’re his fans and unlike you, they’re not afraid to show it. They start asking about the car and which race is the hardest, and you just hang back, watching the way Charles lights up, giving them all the attention they’re craving.

The chaos dies down. The gear’s mostly packed up, the roadies are winding down, and you can finally breathe. The routine kicks in – the same one you always follow after a show because you need the familiarity to settle the adrenaline that’s still coursing through you. 

There’s a table in the corner of the greenroom piled high with burgers, fries, and the kind of greasy comfort food that’s become your go-to post-show ritual. Always enough for everyone – staff, guests, even the hangers-on who just happened to have a backstage pass.

It’s your thing, the one you look forward to when the crowd’s roar has faded and the lights have gone down. You grab a burger – double patty, extra cheese, because you’ve earned it – and motion to Charles, who’s still lingering near the door. “Hey,” you say, nodding toward the food. “You hungry? There’s more than enough.”

He hesitates, just for a second, then nods. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

By the time you’ve both got food in your hands and the staff’s scattered around the room in little groups, you find yourselves at the same worn-out couch in the far corner, away from the noise and the half-empty beer bottles littering the floor. He sits beside you, and you try not to think too hard about the way the couch dips slightly under his weight, the way the space between you feels strangely intimate now that you’re not surrounded by people.

You don’t talk for a while, just eat. He’s halfway through his burger when he speaks first, voice low and casual like he’s picking up a conversation you weren’t sure you’d started. “Do you ever get tired of it?”

You pause mid-bite, looking at him, surprised by the question. He’s looking at you like he’s not sure if he’s crossed a line. And maybe he has, but in a good way.

“Sometimes,” you admit, chewing thoughtfully. “Depends on the night. Some shows, it’s like I’m not even really there, just... going through the motions. Others, it’s everything I wanted since I was a kid, you know?”

He nods, his eyes dropping to the burger in his hands. “Yeah, I get that. Racing’s the same. Some days, it’s all instinct and adrenaline. Other times, it’s like you’re fighting just to stay in the car, like you’re not even sure why you’re doing it.”

You nod back. “Guess it’s hard to keep loving something when it feels more like a job than... whatever it was in the beginning.”

Charles looks up, and there’s something almost wistful in his eyes. “Yeah. But it’s harder to imagine doing anything else. Even when it’s rough.”

You get that. You’ve lived that – the way the music’s a part of you, the way you keep coming back even when you think you’re done. You take another bite, chewing slowly, letting the words sink in before you say, “Sometimes I wonder if I missed my chance to be something else. Like, what if I’d taken a different path, you know?”

He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he leans back against the couch. “Yeah,” he says eventually, voice quiet. “But then I think about the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been... and I don’t know if I’d trade any of it, even the bad parts.”

It hits you harder than you expect, because that’s exactly it – the good, the bad, the stuff in between that keeps you tethered even when you’re not sure why. You swallow, feeling a lump in your throat. “Yeah,” you say softly, staring at the half-eaten burger in your hand. “I think I get that.”

He shifts beside you, turning a little, and you can feel his gaze on the side of your face. “I used to think I’d have it all figured out by now,” he admits, and there’s a vulnerability there that makes your chest ache. “Like, when I was younger, I thought there’d be this moment where everything would make sense. But it never really does.”

You let out a breath, nodding slowly. “Me too,” you say. “I mean, when I was a kid, I thought I’d be this – ” you wave your hand vaguely, gesturing to the greenroom, the music, the life you’re living “ – and it’s great. Don’t get me wrong, but... I still don’t know if I’m doing it right.”

He laughs, a quiet, almost sad sound, and shakes his head. “I don’t think anyone knows if they’re doing it right. Maybe that’s the point. Just... keep going, even when you don’t know what’s next.”

There’s a silence that stretches between you, but it’s not uncomfortable. You take another bite, and he does too, and for a moment, it’s enough just to sit there, side by side, caught between what you were and what you might be, both of you knowing you’re not alone in the uncertainty.

“Hey,” you say suddenly, breaking the quiet, “at least we get good burgers out of it, right?”

He laughs, and this time it’s real, bright, and warm, and you can’t help but join in. “Yeah,” he agrees, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Guess that’s something.”

And it is.

[afeelgoodblog]

The Best News of Last Week - July 25, 2023

If you're ready to "paws" for a moment of joy and laughter, read through stories that'll leave you feeling inspired. It's time to fetch some happiness, one headline at a time!

1. Missouri Gov. Mike Parson signs bill outlawing pelvic exams on unconscious patients without consent

A little-known practice that allowed medical students to perform pelvic and other intimate exams on unconscious patients without their consent is now banned in Missouri after action taken Thursday by Missouri Gov. Mike Parson.  

2. Indonesia market caves to pressure, ends dog, cat meat trade

Authorities on Friday announced the end of the “brutally cruel” dog and cat meat slaughter at a notorious animal market on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi following a years-long campaign by local activists and world celebrities. An anti-animal cruelty group will move the remaining live dogs and cats from the slaughterhouse to sanctuaries

3. Colorado food bank receives donation from Taylor Swift. She has been donating to food banks across the country during her "Eras Tour."

Taylor Swift made a donation to Food Bank of the Rockies on Friday before playing two sold-out stadium concerts in Denver.

Food Bank of the Rockies announced Swift's donation and said it will allow it to purchase food for 75,000 meals. 

4. Earth’s atmosphere can clean itself, groundbreaking research finds

Researchers at the University of California, Irvine, have found that a strong electric field between airborne water droplets and surrounding air can create a molecule called hydroxide (OH) by a previously unknown mechanism.

This molecule is crucial in helping to clear the air of pollutants, including greenhouse gases and other chemicals.

5. US woman, 55, searching for long-lost Singaporean pen pal, 56, reconnects with him after 30 years

The pair started exchanging letters way back in 1983 when they were still in their teens, but lost contact after 10 years of correspondence.

Now 55 years old, Kelly is eager to reconnect with Cheng, and has been actively searching for him via appeals on social media.

6. ‘Intuitive’ pet who ‘hears’ for deaf owner named National Cat of the Year

An “intuitive” cat who helps his deaf owner by alerting her to sounds around the house has won a national award.

Zebby was named Cats Protection’s National Cat of the Year 2023 in recognition of the way he supports owner Genevieve Moss, 66, by alerting her to noises like the phone ringing or a guest at the door.

7. Australian sailor and his dog survive two months at sea

An Australian sailor who survived two months in the Pacific Ocean by eating raw fish and drinking rainwater is "stable and very well", a doctor says.

Sydney resident Tim Shaddock, 51, and his dog Bella left Mexico for French Polynesia in April, but their boat was damaged by a storm several weeks later. They were rescued by a trawler this week after a helicopter spotted them.

----

That's it for this week :)

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[snowball-doie]

The Type of Dad Poly!Ilichil Is

Made this for anyone interested in my poly!ilichil x oc book~~ This is the kind of dad they all are with their daughter, Reyna. If you guys have any questions, my asks are open! Hope you enjoy!

Johnny - suburban dad Makes everyone's food, packs Reyna's school bag, asks about her day, gets her settled in her car seat and makes sure she’s safe, gets her after school snacks. He’s the one on all her paperwork, so he’s gotta be there for everythingggggggg-- Dance recitals, sports games, pre-k graduation, etc.

Taeyong - tired dad Falls asleep everywhere in the house with Reyna laying on top of him. He didn’t get to spend much time with her when she was a baby because of his enlistment, so he does a lot to make up time with her now. Likes to spoil her with expensive gifts. Teaches her to dance. Front row for all of her school events and performances so he can record and take pics like an embaeassinglty proud dad.

Yuta - fashionista dad Picks out all of Reyna's outfits, buys all of her clothes, very critical of the outfits the other boys try to put her in whenever he's not around. Goes with her to the hair salon to make sure the stylist doesn’t fuck up his daughter’s hair— Loves to wear matching outfits with her omfg….. Very casual, so he only picks her up when she runs over to him and asks. Teaches her to speak Japanese, insists that she only speaks Japanese when talking to him. Takes her to Japan whenever she's on break from school. Loves to take her to concerts, having her run on stage before the show starts and the stadium is empty, making sure her noise cancelling headphones are snug on her head every time he runs off stage between sets, etc. Average rockstar dad things.

Doyoung - cuddle bug dad If he can’t sleep, he’ll steal Reyna from Ahri’s room and sleep with her in his room. He loves to watch her run around in her princess costumes omfg. He loves to make her laugh because he thinks her laugh is the cutest thing in the whole wide world-- She has a bright, wide, gummy laugh just like him. He’s just all around supportive. Buys stuffed animals for her, specifically bunnies. He does the chores around the house, he takes Reyna when Ahri needs a break, he helps Johnny with paperwork and any tasks for Reyna, etc. Basically just the back bone to everyone else’s dad traits.

Jaehyun - bestest dad in the whole world Loves to hold her and carry her around the house. Loves cuddling with her and watching movies with her. He takes her to work in the years before grade school starts, then he starts taking her on holidays and weekends when Yuta doesn't steal her away to Japan. He’ll have her run around practice rooms, sit in the board room chairs that are too big for her, watch as he records music in the music booths, etc. If he could take her everywhere, have her attached to his hip 25/8, he would. He loves doing everything with her.

Jungwoo - silly dad Sneaks her snacks, takes her to do fun things. Is very protective and will bat off all the little kids who try to flirt with her on the playground. Cries on her first day of school. Play date dad-- Drops her off at the other parents' houses, scopes out if it's safe or not, runs the interrogations (He will interrogate the kids, too, no one is safe from protective dad!Jungwoo). If it's a sleepover, he'll overpack her bags and sit in the car in the driveway for, like 10 min, worrying about her before he finally goes home.

Mark - late bloomer He’s figuring it out, he just needs more time… He’s a lil scared…. But when he’s missed her lots after tour or something, he’ll fight everyone else to hold her in his arms for hours to days on end. Haechan has a folder full of pictures and videos of Mark and Reyna sleeping or playing together. When Mark and Hyuck are on tour and he bring up missing her, Hyuck will pull out his phone.

Haechan - the most girl dad to ever girl dad Bro is obsessed with Reyna even before she’s born ok. Buys her everything she wants. Plays silly games with her. Will dress up as a princess for tea time. Makes silly faces with her as their silent love language. Spoils her to Hell and back because he doesn't want her to lift a single finger ever. If one of the boys tries to give her chores to do, Haechan will do them for her, even though he hates doing chores. Teaches her bad habits because it’s fun for them to do together even tho Ahri and Johnny beg him not to…

[k-evans-reads]

In Living Color

Chapter 25

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Previous | Main Masterlist | In Living Color Masterlist

July 25th, 2022

Chris let out a sigh of relief as he stepped into his mother’s house from the back door, the cool air of the home giving him and Scott a reprieve from the heatwave outside. They found their Ma in her kitchen, putting away some groceries with a smile on her face as she saw her sons. 

“I certainly didn’t expect to see you here today,” Lisa greeted, coming over to hug them both. She hugged Scott before hugging Chris, holding her oldest son's arms as she pulled away and told him, “I figured it would take at least another day for you to recover from the press tour.” 

Chris laughed, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet home. “Oh I’ll be going to bed early tonight, that’s for sure,” he assured her with a nod. 

Scott smirked at the words, moving to grab a cup from a cabinet and fill it with water. “I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t just fly straight to San Francisco to see Nat,” he drawled, his voice booming. 

“Yeah, it’s been what? A month since you’ve seen her?” Lisa asked, raising a brow as she dropped her hands from Chris’ arms and headed back into the kitchen, pulling groceries from the bags resting on the island counter. 

“I was with her over the fourth so almost a month,” he corrected, leaning down to pet his Ma’s dogs as they danced at his feet. But then he thought back to his visit earlier in the month, at the fleeting moments they’d had together, but otherwise… he’d been alone. Nat’s schedule was busier than ever, if it was even possible, and she spent so much time glued to her laptop that he missed her even when he was there. “I miss Nat so fuckin’ much but I’m almost thinking about staying here.” 

Lisa raised a brow suspiciously as she closed the fridge, tucking the reusable grocery bags into each other. “Oh really?” She asked him while she looked at him curiously. 

“I’m just so exhausted. Going from filming earlier this year to the Lightyear press and right into The Gray Man press, I’m just so tired,” he murmured with a shake of his head as he leaned his hip against the island. “And now that I’ll be going to Atlanta soon for Pain Hustlers, I feel like I just need a break away from everything.” 

“Maybe Nat could come out here instead?” 

“Yeah I think I might ask her if she could,” Chris nodded his head. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, in fact, the opposite was true but after being dragged from one interview to another then put on a plane to make another appearance and do the whole routine again, he was craving his safe space more than ever. He just wanted to be home and sleep in his own bed, have home cooked meals, and decompress in the place he felt the most himself. Chris ran a hand through his hair while he mused, “I want to see her so bad, but when I’m there during the week, she’s at work anyway so it’s not like we get to spend much time together.” 

He watched as Lisa pursed her lips while she listened to his words. “Well maybe once you rest up a little more, you could go out for a weekend,” she suggested, her eyebrows raising hopefully as she looked at her oldest son. He shrugged his shoulders at that as he heard Scott’s small noise of agreement and sighed. 

“I don’t have many more weekends before I start filming again,” he began as he stared down at the marble countertop. He’d gotten the official schedules for both shoots a few weeks ago, and there was virtually no spare time once he started the first project, but what little time he had left before was quickly getting filled up in Massachusetts. He hadn’t been home for a long stretch of time since the previous year, and even then he spent most of 2021 in Los Angeles, growing his relationship with Nat. He’d missed home, missed seeing his family, the kids, getting to just live without constantly looking over his shoulder. And the growing list of responsibilities from ASP that he’d been ignoring while working were piling up, and his schedule was full of tasks between now and the middle of August. By then, he’d jump right into the shoots around Florida and Georgia with the cast of Pain Hustlers to then be in Atlanta working for months on end for Red One, having no real opportunities to visit Nat in California. “I just hate to disappoint Nattie.” 

“Honey, you know Nat will understand,” Lisa placated her son, looking at him seriously as she listened to his words. “She won’t want you to kill yourself just to come see her.” 

Chris shook his head, explaining, “Oh I know she’ll understand, Nat always does.” 

“I know a certain dog who will be happy that you’ll be around here for a while,” she pointed out with a small chuckle, shaking her head in amusement.

“You should have seen how I woke up this morning. Dodger was laying right on top of me,” Chris laughed, thankful for the shift in conversation away from him changing his and Nat’s plans. 

Scott’s dry laugh cut through the room as he told their mother, “He’s been right on Chris’ heels all day.” 

Lisa smiled at the comment, before her eyes turned curious and she looked at Chris as he finally sat down in a barstool next to Chris. “What were you guys up to today?” She asked them both, looking between them. 

“Well…” Chris started as Scott bit his lip, turning to look at him as well. With both his Ma’s and Scott’s eyes on him, a smile crossed his lips.  “That’s actually part of the reason we came over…” 

“Why’s that?” 

A warm smile crossed his lips as his brain was able to switch from the exhaustion his whole body was clouded in, to instead thinking about the purchase he made hours earlier and the meaning that came with it as he told his mother, “I bought something for Nat today that I wanted to show you…” 

He could feel Lisa’s eyes on him as he pulled the velvet box out of the plain white bag and handed it over to her. He watched as she flipped it open and saw the shining diamond ring inside as she gasped, “Chris, you got her a ring? You’re going to ask her to marry you?” 

“Yeah Ma, I am,” a warmth spread throughout him as he said those words out loud. 

Chris could see the tears glossing her eyes as she gasped, “Oh honey, I couldn’t be happier.” 

“Me neither,” he shook his head almost in disbelief that this was really happening. His own tears started gathering in his blue eyes, making him blink furiously before he swallowed the emotional lump in his throat, “I think I’ve known for a while now that Nat was the one for me but when I was with her in San Francisco for our anniversary earlier this year I just… knew. I just don’t want anyone but her.” 

“I knew from that first time I met her that you two would be together,” Lisa stated firmly before going over to hug her eldest son tightly. 

“I think we all knew that one,” Scott chimed in with a chuckle from where he had sat down at the counter, knowing that Chris and Nat being together was something they all saw coming a mile away. 

Chris had to wipe a hand along his cheeks, swiping away the tears as he admitted, “I just love her so much. I never even knew it could feel like this,” 

“I’m so happy for you Chris. I can honestly say this is the best decision you’ve ever made,” his mother encouraged him with a hand rubbing up and down his back but then wanted to know, “When are you going to ask her?” 

The question was one he’d been thinking about a lot but still hadn’t figured out an answer to, letting her in, “I’m not sure yet. I don’t really have a specific time so I’m just going to ask her when the moment feels right.” 

Lisa couldn’t help but give him another hug, squeezing him tightly as she once again told him just how happy she was before the conversation shifted toward dinner and the brothers decided to stay and help get things ready. As Chris was pulling out the plates, his gaze drifted down to the ring box that was sitting open on the counter and felt the conversation happening around him seem to drift away. He picked up the box and looked at that sparkling ring, imagining what it would look like on Nat’s hand and almost finding it unbelievable that at the beginning of the previous year he hadn’t even met her, but now here he was ready to place this on her hand with the promise of forever. 

He loved her so much it almost hurt and even as insecure and indecisive as he could be, this was one decision that didn’t leave any doubts in his mind other than the timing. With his schedule being full with two more movies and Nat being in San Francisco for her job, he didn’t know the next time that they’d get any extended amount of time together and although it left him at a loss on how to fully support her while he wasn’t there, he had come to see through their breakup that none of it mattered. Sure, it was a hurdle they’d need to figure out how to cross, but all that mattered is that he had Nat in his life and he wanted her forever. Chris knew that this was the best thing that could ever happen to him, but what he didn’t know is that while he stood here full of joy and peace, the woman he loved was across the country feeling desperately trapped in the new job and life she had chosen and felt more stuck that she ever had in her life. 

Nat shut the creaking door behind her and locked the deadbolt, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the door as she felt her muscles tense. She looked around her dark apartment, feeling… indifferent to everything. Coming home had always been something sacred to her, her escape, her happy place, where she hosted friends, family, game nights, and movie nights. But here… she’d hole up for days over a weekend without having anyone here who would reach out to say, “Hey! Haven’t seen you this weekend, want to grab brunch tomorrow?”, only to hear a ping alerting her to new emails. It was no longer a place of refuge to her, instead, it felt like a place where she couldn’t take a deep breath, where she could never relax, where no one would come looking, or even stop by. She was completely alone here in this silent apartment, but the one bright spot that had gotten her through so many days was knowing that in one day, her apartment would be occupied by the heart-of-gold man that she loved so dearly. His laughter would fill the tiny space, his hands would rub her aching back, and his presence would fill the void in her heart that had been hurting so badly. 

When her phone started ringing, she pulled it out and saw his name on her screen, bringing out the first genuine smile in a long time as she held it up to her ear and greeted him with a hello that sounded a lot less enthusiastic than she intended but just couldn’t seem to muster anything more. 

“Hi honey, is this a good time?” He asked her, his voice filling her ear. 

She nodded, suppressing the sigh that caught in her throat. “Yeah I’m just walking through my door,” she told him, hanging her bag on the hook by the door as she kicked her shoes off. 

Nat heard him huff out a breath, his voice quiet as he pointed out, “Nattie, it’s almost eight there.” 

She shook her head, frowning at his concern. She knew it was well placed, it always was. They cared about each other to be making those jabs at the other, but it didn’t mean her shoulders relaxed a little at every concerned comment he made. If anything, it made her feel a little worse. “I know, it just was a busy day,” she explained, her voice quiet as she turned on the lights and stepped further into the apartment. 

“Will you promise me that you’ll have some dinner?” 

“I promise I will,” she told him, glancing towards the shoebox of a kitchen before she headed into the living room, sitting down on the couch with a sigh. “I actually am a little surprised to hear from you. I figured you’d be asleep with you flying out here tomorrow.” 

“That’s actually what I wanted to call you about,” he began, pausing as he sighed. Nat froze, listening as he finally asked, “Nattie, would it disappoint you if I didn’t come out to San Francisco?” 

Her brows furrowed and her hand reached, plucking a few threads from the worn blanket on the couch as she fidgeted anxiously. “Is everything okay?” She asked worriedly, unsure if something had happened 

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine, I’m just so exhausted,” he admitted and Nat could have been able to know that without his admission. The weariness in his voice was evident even if she hadn’t known how packed his schedule had been but kept listening as he sighed, “I feel like I’ve just been going non-stop for the past couple months and then with heading into doing two more movies this year, I just feel really overwhelmed. I just want some time to decompress.” 

“Of course I’m sad not to see you but that’s fine Chris, I want you to take care of yourself,” Nat told him truthfully. In reality, hearing those words felt like a punch in the gut or as if all the air from her lungs had just been taken away. Having him come out to see her had been the one saving grace through all of this. She knew that if she could just make it to when she’d get to have his arms around her again, then maybe she could do this. Maybe that would help center her again, but in an instant that had been stolen away. 

But she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t burden him with the knowledge of how much she was struggling while he was so burnt out and had to recharge before being thrown into filming again. Besides, he had warned her. He was the one who told her that this job wasn't for her and that it didn’t seem like the right move for her and he had been right. Nat just couldn’t let anyone, especially herself, know how much this job was taking a toll on her. It was just a job and the fact that she couldn’t seem to handle it only made her feel like even more of a failure than ever. 

“I hope you know how much I want to see you and it has nothing to do with that,” Chris went on to assure her, but it brought little healing to her heart because all she could feel was that she was alone yet again. “I also figured that when I’m there during the week I don’t get to see you much anyway and thought that maybe you could come out for a weekend if you have time or I could come out there before Atlanta.” 

“I’m not sure yet what my schedule is but we’ll figure something out. I want you to just decompress,” she rushed to tell him, trying hard to cover up the tears and heavy emotion in her voice. 

“Are you sure, Nat?” 

Nat just took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice before responding with, “I am, I want you to rest. I know how important it is to you to be able to be away from everything in Boston.” 

“Thanks for understanding, baby. I love you so much and I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” 

Nat pushed out a quick “I love you too” before hearing the line hang up. She couldn’t even pull the phone away from her ear before silent tears started spilling out of her eyes. With a shaky finger she clicked the red button before trudging over to the couch where she laid down and grabbed a pillow, clutching it to her chest as the tears just wouldn’t stop pouring down her face. 

Nat was so proud of Chris. She was so proud of all he’d done this year, pushing himself with the films he was doing and going through the press tours he hated so much while traveling the world in a whirlwind. She was so happy that he could recognize when he needed a break, and just decompress. She was so glad that he had a place to do that, where he had a home to just be himself and relax but right now she just hated it so much that the home wasn’t with her. 

Using the sleeve of her sweatshirt, she furiously wiped at her eyes and sat up. Nat tried so hard to just pull it together, but the moment her eyes glanced out the window of her apartment and she saw the almost tauntingly beautiful view of San Francisco, heavy sobs started pouring out of hers as those tears that she had just wiped away were quickly replaced. Just one look at that view reminded her that she was here in the city by the bay, completely and utterly alone. 

She had always loved her job, working as an animator was truly a dream come true. Nat was just a normal girl who had been given an incredible gift by having a father who believed in her, sending her to art school to follow her dreams but it felt like somehow her real dream, the real longing of her heart had slipped through her fingers. Nat had been so happy working at Disney, settling into a life in California over the past decade and having an incredible group of friends, including Mark and Jamie who had become more like family to her. 

But COVID had changed everything for her. In that time frame, her engagement to Shane had ended, Nat had become so much more self assured and knew who she was, but after being able to spend months at home with her family, she had moved back to California with a loneliness in her heart and a longing for something more. For the first time in her life she had seen how much she wanted more than her job. She wanted her own family and to be able to love someone and have them love her in return. 

And then Chris came into her life. 

So much had changed since he’d made his unexpected entrance in her life and Nat had found out so many more things about herself and what she wanted. He helped her to rest in who she was and embrace what it was that made her… well, her. He was her best friend and gave her peace in a way that she couldn’t quite explain. But there was still a part of her that let those little voices into the back of her head, remembering the looks she’d gotten from people when she was younger and said her dream was to be an artist. She remembered the jokes so many made when they asked what she was going to do for a ‘real job’ and the sting of that in her formative years still was underneath the surface. 

Nat’s fingers were clutching tight on that pillow as she thought back to her dad dropping her off at art school as he hugged her tightly and told her how proud of her he was and that he knew she’d do great things. Ever since then all she had wanted to do was prove him right, to show everyone she wasn’t just the overemotional chaotic artist little sister behind two intelligent successful older sisters who seemed to be able to do all the things she viewed herself incapable of. 

So here she was. Accepting this job that she thought would somehow prove something. That somehow would be the icing on the cake of ‘See? I can be a successful artist’ but all it had done was show her just how right Chris had been about all of this. This wasn’t what she wanted. She hated every bit of this job. She wanted so much more than this now. She wanted Chris. She wanted a family. She wanted to create for herself. But there was no turning back now. There was no way that she could go to her boss only a couple months after starting and basically say she wanted to be demoted, especially when her position back in Burbank had already been filled. Not to mention that she had taken a stand with this job and Chris, resulting in them temporarily breaking up. That felt like such a huge failure in her mind and that was something Nat simply just couldn’t take at the moment. 

So here she had been, putting her nose to the grindstone and putting in her hours, trying to get through the days with the light at the end of the tunnel being August. The month when she’d get her best friend back. When she’d finally get to feel his arms around her. When she’d finally not dread the weekends and spend them crying in bed but instead fill them with laughter and happiness with Chris. When she’d finally get to relax for the first time in weeks. Knowing that he was coming to her was like a lifeline, knowing that she just had to make it until then and then hopefully things would be better. But now it felt like that lifeline that was dangling just out of her reach was snatched away and she was left drowning. 

But there was no way she could ask him to come. It was just too selfish. She couldn’t possibly know just how packed his schedule had been and hear his weary voice saying how much he just needed to go home and then ask him to come be with her instead. So here she was. Sitting alone on this couch, tears streaming down her face as she felt completely alone and completely stuck. 

[steveinscarlet]

I tried to scan the main ol' crazy eyes Joe picture but he was too big to properly fit in the scanner so this is the best I could do

Text below the cut

BRINGING UP BABY

Joe Elliott doesn't want children - he's got enough on his hands nursing a billion dollar baby called Def Leppard. Mat Snow hears why arguably the world's most successful rock 'n' roll band can still stroll down the street without being recognised. Pictures by Peter Anderson

BY THE time you read this, you'll know something that was on the cards a couple of weeks ago but by no means a dead cert.

That is whether the British Phonographic Institute, in all its majesty and wisdom, opened an envelope at the black tie, gala dinner and announced that the award for Rockin' Pneumonia, Boogie-Woogie Flu And All-Round Fabness goes not to Brother Beyond, Yazz, nor even Bros, but to a bunch of blokes who won't see 25 again and who play guitars, drums and stuff often quite loud.

Yes, you will know now what Def Leppard's Joe Elliott and I didn't know then whether there will be a BPI BRITS Award for Best British Band decorating his parents' mantelpiece.

"Def Leppard winning anything is hilarious," he chuckles. "It's nice to be nominated, but we're never going to win anything. We're a stick-in-the- mud heavy metal band - Long 'air and jeans: we can't vote for them, can we?"

JOE ELLIOTT is in mellow mood. After nearly three months off, following the highly lucrative but tiring 14-month Hysteria tour, he at last has time to chew the fat back home in a beautiful bay just outside Dublin, where he is spending his 'year out' of the UK for tax reasons.

Unlike the other four Leps, who get itchy after only three weeks off the road, Joe needs the time to lounge around, catch up with his listening and watch a few videos.

"I've been revelling in the fact that I've been able to get a sore throat and it doesn't matter!"

A week in the sun apart, Joe has not been neglecting his career as the mouthpiece of arguably the most commercially successful rock 'n' roll band in the world today.

There will be rehearsals for the new album. (Robert 'Mutt' Lange, the so-called 'sixth Lep', will not be producing). Hopes are high that it might be in the shops sooner than 1991, given that their two previous albums, 'Pyromania' and 'Hysteria', have been beaten only by Michael Jackson in terms of how long we've had to wait between releases - and how many copies we've gone out and bought. But, right now, Joe has the luxury of reflecting on his place in the scheme of things.

It seems that what he ultimately craves is to be recognised as one of the true rock greats, on a par with the people who turned him on in the first place, back when he was a soccer- crazy, only child growing up in Sheffield, when he was a bored youth maintaining stocks of grinding wheels and oil rags for Osborne Mushet Tools.

Back then, people like Alice Cooper, Jethro Tull, T Rex and, especially, Mott The Hoople kept him sane. Def Leppard's record company, Phonogram, have signed Ian Hunter and it's the best news Joe's had all year.

His list of heroes includes just about everybody who made a raucous noise in the '70s his years of yearning to escape the humdrum world of work and home. That need is still Joe's guiding force so he won't be taking a cue from his friend Jon Bon Jovi's 'New Jersey' and calling his next album 'South Yorkshire'. "Can you imagine it?" he guffaws.

"Ian Hunter summed it up brilliantly in his book Diary Of A Rock 'N' Roll Star - 'I left my heart in Watford?' How can you sing about Scunthorpe or Huddersfield?

"Let's face it, everybody would say, Fair play for doing it - but they'd laugh at it whether they were fans, journalists or friends. I remember when Saxon had this song called 'Northern Lady', and it just stank. Leave it out! Jesus Christ! Flat caps and Yorkshire pudding is the impression people get, even though we all know it's not like that. "They don't all keep pigeons, which is what a lot of people south of Nottingham seem to think. There's no romance, no beaches in Sheffield. A car chase in San Francisco is always going to look better than one through Hackney. But then they could never have Sherlock Holmes in America. It's a different world.

"I'd sooner go for the British approach, which is totally ambiguous: it doesn't say anything, it doesn't mean anything," Joe goes on. "I can't even describe what half the bloody songs are about; they just sound alright. You are what you listen to. You explain what T Rex's lyrics are about. If you can figure his out, then you can figure mine out. 'Hub-cap diamond star halo' means more to me than 'I went down to the river', I'm afraid. People can relate to that Springsteeny thing but, to me, T Rex made your imagination work harder.

"If I wrote from experience, I don't think it would sound very good me singing about the last five-a-side soccer game I had.

"Whenever I sing about women, it's always invented," says Joe, rebutting the charge of sexism which, in fact, I hadn't levelled at him.

"Who's to say that the honkytonk woman ever existed? It could have been a complete figment of Jagger's imagination. I used to write from personal experience don't think I never have.

"On the second album, we wrote about all sorts of stories; Steve (Clark) once hijacked a taxi in Paris and tried to write a song about it. But it just sounded like a piece of shit, so we scrapped it, rewrote the lyrics, made them up, and it was a lot better."

SO, IF not 'South Yorkshire', S perhaps 'Catatonia'? 'Schizophrenia' (a double- album)? Or (Bob Geldof's suggestion) 'Paranoia'? Another psychological disorder, surely?

"Probably," reckons Joe. "It was a complete coincidence, the last two. 'Hysteria' was an idea Rick (Allen) came up with. It was after all the stuff with his accident. The first time we ever seriously experienced it was on the '83 tour, and it got pretty close to it two days after his accident - the reception area of the hospital was teeming with newspaper reporters and kids. And, because we weren't all that popular in England at the time, it made it appear more massive. Rick was on the front page of the Daily Star - and there were all these journalists, like Rick was The Queen or lan Botham. We had to be snuck in through the f***in' laundry chute to go and see him! "I always imagine that Fish - and I'm not knocking the guy - has everything worked out in advance: This is the album title, here's the sleeve - now let's go write the music. The last thing we have is the album title; we panic so much. "Hysteria' was going to be called 'Animal Instincts' at one stage: then we thought that sounded really stupid. We had the sleeve ready, so that was four grand down the drain. It just wasn't right - so we used it for the book instead."

Having repeated, even exceeded, the success of the hard-to-match 'Pyromania' album with 'Hysteria', Joe has found that the way to cope with sky-high expectations is to ignore them.

"I have no doubts about the next album," he declares. "I'm not 100 per cent sure that it'll be as big as the last one, though it may be a better record. Much of it is down to timing. I don't believe success should be based on sales. But everywhere you look it's figures, figures, figures.

"Success should be judged on the sound of the bloody thing. I'm not worried about it. We'll make a record and put it out, and it'll do whatever it does."

What about the live act? "We've had a few approaches from the States to go back and do some shows this summer. Believe it or not, 'Hysteria"s gone back up in America the album's doing better now than when we were out there. It's been 'Top Five in three different years - '87, 88 and now '89.

"Anyway, I was talking to Adam Clayton about it the other day, and he said, You've got to be careful because where do you go from stadiums? What do you do go back to clubs? "That's why we have managers. We have opinions, but we don't have our finger on the pulse like they do. We're too busy trying to sing in tune, play the songs and look cool like a pop band is supposed to do and still keep an eye open so you don't get ripped off. But you can't be a master of all trades.

"When does a spectacle become untoppable? It doesn't. You do a gig on the moon and put the PA on Pluto... Satellite gigs? Hologram gigs? Put the audience in the middle and us outside!"

ON TOUR, the Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses and Love And Rockets albums never left cassette deck. Back home, the Irish magazine Fresh has asked Joe for a fan's-eye view of the new releases.

"I played the Lou Reed album ten times and, in my opinion, it ain't 'Transformer', it ain't 'Sally Can't Dance', it's not 'Coney Island Baby' and it's definitely not 'Berlin'. Every song's about f***ing New York! All about some guy with needles in his arms! "But I grew up with 'Transformer', which came out when I was 12. And 'Berlin' was really depressing but great to listen to in the bath. The new one sounds like demos, which has a sort of charm, but some of it's a bit weird. That song, 'Last Great American Whale' I can't make my mind up whether it's a piece of shit or it's genius. He just talks it he makes Mark Knopfler sound like the guy out of Foreigner. Very strange."

Fine Young Cannibals' "The Raw And The Cooked' gets short shrift from Joe: "I'll never forgive them for slaughtering the Buzzcocks". As for Blondie's remix album, 'Once More Into The Bleach', it's "awful".

The new Supremes compilation is another matter: "F***ing brilliant," Joe raves. "To hear 'Nathan Jones' the way I remember it, not the way f***ing Bananarama slaughtered it. I got my first snog to that song, under the stairs at the Top Rank in Sheffield in 1971, Saturday morning youth club."

Joe advises me to check out The Hooters and The Quireboys; I recommend The Replacements - right up his street. But Joe (29) is of an age to get his real kicks from the stars of yesteryear.

"I've met Jagger at the studio. He was great he kept stealing our f***ing newspapers! Have you got the Daily Mirror? I want to do the crossword.

"Robert Plant came to see us in Chicago. He was great. When we played in the round we used to go on in laundry baskets. His tour manager bet him ten dollars he wouldn't push one out. So he put a hat on, pair of shades, stuffed his tour jacket full of jumpers to make him look fat, and pushed it out to the middle of the stage, right through the audience! "It's funny because he's a Leo as well, and Jagger. All frontmen are Leos," Joe muses. "Those detailed analyses of your star sign tell you things you often don't like to hear. 'Capable of being childish' - I suppose I am. 'Always has to be the centre of attention' well, when it suits me. "Sometimes I just like to bury myself, but that's what my gig is, that's what everybody wants: a big, loud, bloody... you know. "But Jagger's the best; he's got the lips of an elephant on the body of a dwarf. Brilliant. The ultimate frontmen are those you can caricature in cartoons - Jagger, Steve Tyler, Rod Stewart, Bowie, Townshend, Meat Loaf, Alice Cooper... You couldn't really draw me but it doesn't seem to have hindered our success.

"To be honest, once you're as big as we are and you don't have those sort of features, it's nice. I don't have to send the maid out to buy the News Of The World. I can walk down Oxford Street."

So what is the secret of Def Leppard's success?

"Most people in bands have got families, and maybe that's the reason we have the success we have: nobody's married or got kids," reasons Joe.

"I can't see Phil (Collen) starting a family when he hasn't even got a home. And I definitely have no desire to be a father.

"The only times I've ever thought about it have been provoked by TV documentaries like World In Action. I seriously think I would rather adopt an eight-year-old Brazilian kid and give it a real good start in life.

"There's enough kids without me bringing another one into the world. And to be quite honest, after my mumps I don't know if I can!

"I can miss out the nappy stage, which I'd detest. And I don't like the idea of a nanny bringing the kid up because you might as well not bother; you might as well buy one. "I don't want a kid; the band's too much of a bloody baby!"

[phoenixyfriend]

marriage of convenience and hair brushing/braiding for rexwalker, if you feel up to it?

Fanfiction Trope MASH-UP: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.

This ask meme is from over a year ago. Please don't send new prompts.

52. Marriage of Convenience 94. Hair Brushing/Braiding 

Is it bad that my first thought is actually inspired by the Ob*kin fic Their fragrance came from you? There's a whole thing about Tatooine marriage braids that my mind immediately jumps to lmao

I think... let's say modern AU. Anakin is a single dad, has been for a few years. Padme died in childbirth, and while her will was made out in favor of Anakin and the kids, the executor of her will was her lawyer-mentor, Palpatine, who couldn't touch the trust funds set up for the twins (which are very large, and will become available when they turn 25, but can only be accessed for education costs before then), but did manage to somehow take almost all the liquid assets left for Anakin in bogus fees.

Anakin's still got the house, but as time passes, he's having more and more trouble with paying the property taxes. He's still managing, but the money Padme left for him is slowly dwindling, and the kids are going to start costing more as they get older, and he's already got Ahsoka living with him (she helps out with the kids so he can work, coding from home, since he's paying for her college tuition; she doesn't have to pay rent since she's a commuter student, and she's got a partial scholarship, but that's still a few thousand a year coming out of Anakin's pocket to put his little sister through underrad). Obi-Wan offered to help, but Obi-Wan lives on the other side of town and even tenured professors don't earn that much, compared to Coruscant's standard cost of living, especially since Obi-Wan adopted recently, a little girl called Reva, and--

Anakin's struggling financially, basically, which isn't a new circumstance, but he really doesn't want to lose Padme's house. Worst comes to worst, he can probably sell it back to Sola so it stays in the Naberrie family, and she'll let him keep living there, but... that's not a sure bet. The Naberries are comfortably wealthy, but it's still an entire house.

Rex, a college friend of Anakin's that went to the same aerospace program, comes back to town. He was on a military tour overseas, but got honorably discharged due to a head injury. Anakin offers to let hm sleep in the guest room, since Padme's house (it's still Padme's, in Anakin's mind), is a lot bigger than Cody's apartment, even if there are toddlers at large. Rex initially promises that he'll only stay long enough to find an apartment of his own, except he overhears Anakin on the phone with Obi-Wan about the finance stuff one day, and reaches out to a few people who have been in town more consistently for a better idea of what's going on without getting too deep into Anakin's business.

Rex manages to get a job locally; there's an airfield for hobbyists a few miles out of town, and the place is looking to hire a new engineer on staff to do repairs and checks on the small planes they keep on site. He starts making noises about moving out, and then, 'subtly,' suggests he just stay at Anakin's place and pay rent.

Anakin does not like the idea of Rex paying rent; friends don't do that! Anakin isn't going to make Rex pay rent in Anakin's home.

They don't talk about it for a few days, and then there's... IDK a night 'off,' where Obi-Wan or Sola or Aayla or Beru takes the twins for an evening, and Ahsoka goes out with friends, so Anakin can take some time off from being a Dad and just Relax.

He and Rex break out the wine, get tipsy not truly drunk, and Rex pokes at the 'just stay here' option again. The house is closer to the airfield than most apartments, and Rex can help take some of the weight off of Anakin and Ahsoka's shoulders with regards to childcare! Even if Anakin won't accept him paying rent!

Anakin argues this. Anakin's kids aren't Rex's responsibility, and Anakin doesn't need his charity (which is, of course, how he views Rex's suggestion). They go back and forth on the topic a few times, and then Rex throws out something about getting married 'for lower taxes' and 'it's not rent if it's my house too, right?' and it's. It's a joke.

Except they're both still thinking about it the next morning, with faint (but not faint enough) memories of a tipsy kiss before bed, and--

Months pass with the two of them circling around each other and Rex never quite moves out, and tax season rolls around, and Anakin is stretched so thin, even with all the cuts for children and covering a dependent's tuition and so on.

Rex quietly floats the idea of a convenience marriage again. It doesn't have to mean anything, if Anakin doesn't want it to. It's not an insult to Padme's memory, just a way of keeping her children in the house she chose for them. And it's not charity, because Rex will get tax cuts too, and better health insurance once Anakin can put him on the family plan he's got. It won't do anything for this year, but by the time the next year rolls around, Anakin will have less of a problem paying those taxes, even if that promotion he's been hoping for doesn't come through.

Anakin, eventually, agrees.

Just four months later, they tie the knot. It's a small ceremony, more than just a courthouse and a paper, just to... well, Anakin wants Rex to have this. Leia and Luke don't entirely understand what's going on, but Ahsoka told them that it means Rex is going to be staying for a lot longer than they originally planned, and they're pretty excited about that part. They're four, and 'Daddy's friend that we like a lot is staying' is pretty clear.

They don't have a 'traditional' wedding night, because they're still both looking at this as a platonic thing (it won't stay that way, but it still is for now). They do share a bed, because someone is sleeping in their guest room (IDK who, maybe a guest was too drunk post-wedding to get home and they just offered the room). Anakin's hair is long enough for an evening of people and, importantly, sticky toddler hands to have tangled it. He washes it out, comes to the bed, and looks so tired--because he had to wash the toddlers first--that Rex offers to brush it for him.

It's intimate. Gentlemanly, but intimate. They go to bed with warm cheeks and pounding hearts, and eventually, one of them rolls onto their side to cuddle.

Neither of them get much sleep that night.

[beheba8]

since one direction came into my life, every version of me that has existed has loved them.

at 12, i only knew the words to one thing. at 15, i got to introduce the same song to my 6 year old brother at the time who loved it so much that he would constantly make me play it on my tablet and we would jam out together. it is a core memory of mine.

and not long after, i was watching “one direction funny moments” compilations till early hours of the morning, i was so hooked.

at 14, “1D” was spray painted in massive font on my bedroom door. how i got away with putting straight up black paint on a wooden door is beyond me, but remnants of that sign exist to this day in my childhood bedroom. the same bedroom where, for 4 beautiful years, i got to build a sense of self, and get into a lot of fights on the internet, thanks to these five men.

anyone who knows me irl will tell you that to this day, even as a 25 year old college graduate, i credit my understanding of the english language to the fact that i read a lot (and i truly mean a LOT) of one direction fanfiction on wattpad. before watching your favourite concerts on a grainy livestream was a thing, teenage me was getting up at unholy hours to go on youtube and watch every single concert video from the night before. and not only did i follow OTRA from the other side of the world, i stayed in bed for 7 hours straight on 1D day.

i sobbed for hours upon hours in March of 2015, and then again for their last tour stop at Sheffield, and one more time after their performance of History on X-factor. sadness came to me easily- it was the only plausible way to feel in times like these.

i can’t say the same for myself today. i was at my desk at work, doing something on excel for a project, when i got a text from my friend, yelling at me in all caps that a member of one direction- the band that i love so dearly that even at my grown age i refuse to discuss in front of people who know me in real life because they simply won’t get it- has died. my heart sank to the floor, and i couldn’t believe that i’m meant to go about my work day as if everything is normal.

liam’s death made me dissociate from real life from the minute i heard to about ten minutes ago when i started typing this out. knowing and understanding the one direction fandom means that i knew instantly that the public noise surrounding this news will be vapid and abhorrent- especially for his victims who have been courageous enough to speak out about the abuse they have been put through by this man. the exhaustion i felt when i logged onto twitter on the 16th, from the god awful things people were putting out into the world with no regard for the very real people who are being affected by his death, is unfortunately as eerily close to 2013-2015 as i have ever felt.

much like 2013-2015, though, i couldn’t do anything but keep going on twitter. seeing posts from long dead 1D stan accounts who were the only people who could understand the deep confusion and sadness that i was feeling. my timeline hasn’t been this inundated with pure one direction content in many many years, and these were the only people who made me feel less alone. og directions, who have for a while now stopped being a supporter of liam payne for the terrible things he has done since the band’s dissolution, are the only ones who know how confusing this grief has felt.

and then came the joint statement, signed in order of oldest to youngest, from louis, zayn, niall, and harry, and their tributes to one of the 5 (now 4) people in the world who lived through the phenomenon that changed the course of music history for the rest of time. the versions of liam that each of them chose to share with the rest of the world, their love for him, and even the regrets that came from the distance that grew between them- that hurt me more than my own sorrow. at the end of the day, you can’t really take the parasocial obsession out of the teenage girl who lives in me.

i’m sad that in the wake of his death, those he has harmed are going to be unfairly and unjustifiably blamed by the insufferable people who refuse to accept that death does not absolve someone of their wrongdoings.

i’m sad over the loss of a human life, and the loss of the version of one direction- the ot5 version- that is now gone forever. the same one direction that gave me so much joy, helped me through unspeakable pain, and will mean so much to me for as long as i am alive.

[in-death-we-fall]

The Ultimate Rockstar Test

This week: Wednesday 13

Bands like to think they’re badass, but who’s truly the most rock’n’roll of them all? We test them and find out who’s top of the class for chaos!

Words: Dan Slessor

(drive link)(Joey's Rockstar Test)

What’s the worst condition you’ve left a hotel room in? “I was 17 when a venue I was playing first offered up a hotel room to stay in after the show. Having read up on all the excesses of classic bands, I was excited. So, we took all the towels in the room, soaked them in water, jammed them in the fridge, and whacked it to its coldest so they all froze into a block of ice. We also glued the Bible to the table – dumb shit like that. The owners were so pissed, and luckily we got away before they could sue us!” Frozen towels? Well, that’s a surprisingly inventive pass ✔

Have you ever shed blood in the name of rock’n’roll? “Oh yeah, teeth, too, and there have been a couple of broken bones along the way. I have a fake front tooth and half of one, too, and I must have broken those 10 or 15 times on microphones and guitars. I busted my head on a monitor once and bled through a show, and I also fractured my ankle on the first night of a tour and spent the next two months dancing and wiggling away on it.” Have you ever thought about investing in a gumshield? Pass ✔

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen a bandmate do? “It used to ve strange seeing your bandmate taking a shit in public, but it’s funny how you get used to that. On Murderdolls’ first tour, Kerrang! Came out and were taunting us, saying we should be more crazy. The next thing you know, Joey [Jordison, Murderdolls guitarist] is taking a shit right there in the street. Later on, we were making tonnes of noise in the parking lot, and this old lady came out of her house and yelled at us, and I ended up throwing a bottle at the wall by her and she called the cops. Shitting in the street may actually have been the nicest thing to happen that night…” When public defecation is the nicest part, you know it’s bad. Pass ✔

Have you ever thrown a diva-esque tantrum? “There was one time on tour with Murderdolls when a local band who were opening one of the shows kept coming into our dressing room uninvited. It wasn’t just that they were coming in all the time, they were drinking our booze as well! After it happened the first time I was like, ‘Alright, okay, whatever.’ But then they came back and did it again, just coming into our dressing room and helping themselves to our booze. So I ended up losing it at them. I actually think it was kind of justified – you don’t touch my alcohol, man!” You yelled at the support band. But it was sort of reasonable. And divas aren’t reasonable. Fail ✘

Have you ever broken an instrument in anger? “Not actually in anger, but I’ve broken stuff in the spirit of rock’n’roll. At a London show, I had a guitar I’d been playing for four or five years, and in the last song I threw it as high as I could while it was still plugged in. When it finally hit the stage, it made one of the coolest sounds I’ve ever heard!” You intended to do it = more rock’n’roll = pass ✔

What’s been you craziest rider request? “In Germany, we sent this runner out to get us a (sic) McDonald’s. I wrote down everyone’s order, and at the bottom I added 25 vanilla ice cream cones. He gets to McDonald’s and calls our tour manager and says, ‘I can’t carry all the ice cream cones, I’m going to have to make two trips!’ I kinda laughed at that…” Ice cream is a rubbish rider request. However, you did make some poor lackey go and get it like a proper diva, so pass ✔

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever woken up? “In the woods, in Germany. We’d played Rock Am Ring the same day as Slipknot headlined, and it was the first time I’d seen Joey in years. Having played at 1pm, I got completely hammered, sprayed a fire extinguisher at Randy Blythe [Lamb Of God] and trashed Slipknot’s dressing room with a tree. It was in a pot in the corridor, and I thought it was artificial, so I picked it up, walked in, and called, ‘Hey Joey!’ I threw it at him, and I may as well have thrown a giant bucket of dirt in there. So, I fled before Slipknot killed me, and some hours later I woke up in the woods…” …and that was the last time Slipknot threw you a surprise party. Pass ✔

Wednesday scored 82% Wednesday’s always seemed like a pretty good rockstar to us. So we expected good things from his turn at The Test. But it was his imagination more than his antics that did him well here – frozen towels, glued Bibles and the cunning use of a tree. Even the ice cream request was amusing, although, next time, maybe ask for something a little bit more glamorous. Like, we dunno, peacocks. Or Kinder Surprise.

2013 Leaderboard ↑Perry Farrell, Jane’s Addiction - 98% Nikki Sixx, Mötley Crüe - 91% Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park - 81% ↓Winston McCall, Parkway Drive - 58%

[strawberryblondebutch]

I have beef with every single person who voted for “The Altar/Mary” to be the song Silverstein played from Misery Made Me on the 25 Years of Noise tour

Bankrupt? Ultraviolet? The title song?!

[russellius]

Tucked away somewhere in his parents’ Norfolk home, there is a photograph of George Russell at his first Silverstone grand prix. If Russell has his way, it will remain tucked away for ever. Rather embarrassingly for the Mercedes driver, he is wearing a Red Bull jumper in the shot.

In fairness, it was taken in 2009 and he was only 11 years old. Yet you sense a certain awkwardness when he talks about it. “When you are a kid you tend to get things you like the look of,” he says. “And I liked the look of that jumper.”

There was a lot more for Russell to like that day. His hero was Sebastian Vettel — of, er, Red Bull — and as he stood at the exit of Copse for the opening lap, he watched his favourite flash by in the lead. Vettel went on to win the race, with team-mate Mark Webber finishing second. Russell was smitten.

“That was the moment when I was like, ‘Yeah, this is what I want to do.’ The noise and the buzz was just immense,” he says.

At the time, Russell was already a junior kart racer and a regular winner, and he would carry on in that groove for the next few years. There was certainly no lack of belief. “With the naivety of a child I used to think I could do anything. I used to think I could fly to the moon,” he says.

“I was so confident. So, so confident at a young age because I was winning. I was almost arrogant, I would say. It was only when I got to 16 that I realised it was not as straightforward as I thought. There are obstacles and there are challenges.”

These things are relative. At the age of 16 Russell still won the British Formula Four championship. And while there were a few bumps on the road when racing in European events, he was still doing enough to attract a six-figure offer from BMW to drive in DTM, the German touring car championship.

“I was like, ‘Whoa, this is unbelievable,’ ” he says. “Formula One was almost put on the sideline at that point because that was so attractive. For a kid growing up in a field with a labrador, those sorts of figures had never even been heard of.”

Russell turned it down. An alternative offer from Mercedes to fund him in Formula Three kept his ambitions on track. More titles followed and in 2019 the kid who had stood saucer-eyed in wonder at Copse a decade earlier became a full-fledged F1 driver for Williams. He would spend three seasons with the Grove outfit before moving to Mercedes at the start of last year.

The change took him from the back of the grid to the front. It meant regular podium finishes and, eventually, a first race win in Brazil. It meant he was now one of a tiny elite, with all the attention that drew. But it also brought a reckoning.

Russell, 25, is a thoughtful and articulate individual. “Some changes are for better and some for worse,” he begins. “It is a bit of a strange position to be in when you find yourself in the limelight. A lot of people want to cosy up to you for the wrong reasons. It took a bit of time for me to process this.

“They weren’t necessarily friends, but people I knew well suddenly started acting differently, asking for this and asking for that. People I hadn’t heard from for a long time came out of the woodwork.

“Now I’m in this position, which is a privilege, I see people’s true colours. So I have a close-knit group of people around me and I know they are there for the right reason.”

Remember that old Volkswagen advertisement about the man who “moved into gold, just as the clever money moved out”? Russell arrived at Mercedes at a similar moment. Lewis Hamilton had just lost his drivers’ title to Max Verstappen and at the end of Russell’s first season with the team they also surrendered to Red Bull the constructors’ crown they had held for eight years.

And yet, perhaps it was not so bad to pitch up when he did. Russell played a big part in ironing out the problems of Mercedes’ 2022 car and making this year’s model more competitive. He also acknowledges that slotting in beside Hamilton could have been problematic had the team still been the most dominant in the sport.

Has it helped that Hamilton is Russell’s senior by a margin of 13 years, seven titles and 102 race wins? “I totally agree with that,” Russell says. “When you look at Carlos Sainz and Charles Leclerc [of Ferrari] or Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri [McLaren] these guys are trying to be the one to lead the team. They are almost fighting for that No 1 spot. With us, there is no fight because we are at different stages of our careers.

“Lewis has proven everything he has to prove. The team believes in me and believe I’ll be here for the long term. It is a very good dynamic. I would expect the dynamic to change a bit if we were fighting for championships, that’s only normal. But for now we have a good relationship and have had no real tense moments on track.”

The scale of the task facing Mercedes, and every other F1 team, can be measured by the fact that Red Bull have now won 19 of the past 20 grands prix. Their near-monopoly was interrupted only by Russell’s victory in Brazil. To all intents and purposes, this year’s titles have already been decided, but Russell still believes in his team.

“We’ve got some new things coming for the race, which will be a step in the right direction. Red Bull are still favourites, but out of all of the races so far I’d say this would be our best chance.

“As a team we are definitely going in the right direction. We’ve got clear views now and you’ve seen it already with our progress. We’re slowly reeling in Red Bull. It seems like they have taken a step backwards compared to the rest of the field.”

Regardless of what happens, Hamilton and Verstappen have already cemented their places among the all-time greats in the annals of the sport. Can Russell see himself joining them at some point? He seems ambivalent about the prospect.

“When I was a ten-year-old kid I dreamt about being world champion,” he says. “I didn’t dream of being famous.

“I got asked a question recently about what legacy I wanted to leave behind. I’m 25 years old and I hadn’t even thought about this. As a kid I didn’t think about legacy or what impact I wanted to leave, I just wanted to win.

“Maybe in five years’ time that will be something I do think about. I recognise the platform we have, but equally the more success you have the bigger your platform becomes. I need to focus on that first.”

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 829: Merzbow / Man Is The Bastard Noise Voice Pie

I got a bunch of new followers over the weekend on account of a couple of my backyard selfies... which is very flattering. Thanks y'all, and welcome.

So it seems like a good time to offer up a quick re-introduction and statement of purpose.

Hi, I'm Brian. I'm a 47-year-old musician. I play in a few different bands/projects. I'm a gay man who's married to my partner of 25+ years. I mostly use this blog to write about my record collection. I used to be a music writer but got bummed out on music criticism and burned out on the hustle of being a freelancer. But I still like talking about records and promoting stuff that l like. So here we are. And yes, occasionally I'll throw a thirst trap into the mix.

I have been on tour most of 2024 so I've been largely absent here. But since I'm actually home at the moment, let's quickly talk about this split LP between Japanese noise artist Merzbow and Californian powerviolence-turned-noise unit Man Is The Bastard / Bastard Noise (here conveniently billed as Man Is The Bastard Noise). My roommates got me this LP as a birthday present back in 1996. Admittedly, I was more into the powerviolence roots of Man Is The Bastard than the caustic white noise assault on either side of this LP, but this record was also a nice little introduction to the world of noise.

For me, this kind of visceral and tactile tone exploration is generally more exciting in the live setting than on record. Wrangling electric chaos into something resembling expressionistic art just translates better when you watch it happen in real time. Though the adrenaline rush of this kind of music isn't quite as powerful on record, there's still something exhilarating about these kinds of records when they're done well.

While Voice Pie initially got spins at home when I wanted something on the stereo but didn't want the distraction of actual songs, I eventually found that it was actually a really good record to listen to while hungover. For whatever reason, music that is intensely rhythmic or repetitive makes me feel extra ill when I'm headachy and nauseous. But walls of static and square wave buzzes? That's somehow soothing.

Maybe not the best record to scope out if you're just here for speedo pics. But hey, ya never know...

[pjsk-story-summaries]

Secret Distance Event Story Summary

TL;DR: Both wanting to break Kanade out of her slump and get to know everyone better, Mizuki invites the members of Nightcord at 25:00 on a mystery haunted house tour. They lead everyone around various haunted attractions, such as a spooky tunnel, cursed shrine, and abandoned school.

While at the school, Mafuyu wanders off. Mizuki checks the SEKAI for her, where they find MEIKO. MEIKO had previously introduced herself as simply an outside observer to be ignored. Still, she takes in interest in Mizuki and hopes they'll be friends with everyone for a long time to come.

Mafuyu had ended up wandering to a giant cherry blossom tree in the courtyard. Mizuki's reminded of rejecting to see them with some old classmates the year before. Then, the blossoms had been dull, but now that they have everyone around them, they find them beautiful.

Now that Kanade's back out of their slump and everyone has bonded more, Mizuki thanks everyone for doing this. They almost ask if they'd want to do this again next year, but freeze. A tightness grows in their chest. Mizuki realizes that if they want to get close and stay together, they'll eventually have to share their secret.

Ena notices Mizuki's troubled face, but Mizuki dodges all her questions.

Fan translation (triang le) / Official English YouTube Upload / Song (ID SMILE) 2DMV / 3DMV / 3rd Anniverary 3DMV

Chapter 1: Nightcord at 25:00 finish their latest song. Amia and Enanan excitedly chat about ideas for their next one, but K asks for more time on a new demo. Amia laughts at Enanan and Yuki's banter before logging off for the night.

They were a bit scared about Ena disappearing in SEKAI last time, but are happy things ended up well in the end. Still, they realized they don't know much about each other at all. They decide to plan another group excursion bonding activity. Though cherry blossoms are in season, they decide to try a haunted house tour.

The next day, K calls everyone to SEKAI. She apologizes profusely before revealing she hasn't been able to get a demo done.

Chapter 2: Miku and Rin come over after hearing all the noise. Kanade asks for advice, but nobody can write songs like she does. Miku suggests trying something new. Mizuki tries jumping in with their outing idea, but suddenly, MEIKO approaches. She declares her intention to simply watch before asking to be ignored. Mizuki introduces everyone anyways. Then, they announce the mystery tour.

Chapter 3: Some time later, the four board a train for the mystery destination. Mizuki only reveals it's a haunted house once they're almost there. Kanade is scared and Ena is angry, but Mafuyu will do anything if it will help Kanade get out of her slump.

The circle explores an abandoned tunnel. Mafuyu was the one to convince everyone to enter. Mizuki tries telling Ena a ghost story, and despite her objections, legitimately scares Ena. Mafuyu and Mizuki realize they'd lost Kanade, so they leave Ena alone to go search for her. Ena freaks out over possibly seeing the ghost from Mizuki's tale.

Chapter 4: The ghost ended up just being Kanade, who had gotten scared earlier and accidentally twisted her ankle. She should be okay, though. Mizuki decides to bring everyone to their next destination.

The next stop is a cursed shrine. There is an old story about two close sisters who were separated and eventually killed by a fire who now curse others who are close to eventually drift apart. Ena thinks the story is garbage, and Kanade asks about Mizuki's own sister. Mizuki asks if the others have anyone they're close with. None of them do.

Chapter 5: Back in SEKAI, Rin asks MEIKO why she wants to be ignored. MEIKO wants to keep her distance so she doesn't interfere with their lives. She also wants to get to know the other three more, especially Mizuki. Rin and Miku are confused since Mizuki is usually so cheerful.

The final stop of the mystery tour is an abandoned school. A ghost of a promising musician who took her own life over the pressure haunts the grounds. Mafuyu thinks death was best for her, now that she's free. She starts heading towards the school, so they all chase her. However, she disappears before they reach her. The three split up to search.

Chapter 6: Mizuki checks the SEKAI out of fear of Mafuyu deciding to disappear. Instead, she finds MEIKO. MEIKO is glad Mizuki cares so much about their friends and hopes they stay together.

Mizuki heads back to the real world, where Ena and Kanade had managed to find Mafuyu by a massive cherry blossom tree she'd inexplicably been drawn to.

Mizuki thinks of the last time they'd seen cherry blossoms. Some students had met under them. Even though the blossoms will disappear soon, they vowed to keep coming back to see them even after they graduate. Someone else asked Mizuki to watch the cherry blossoms with them, but they declined. They found the cherry blossoms to be dull.

Now, though, the blossoms are beautiful. Mizuki realizes it's because they get to see them with their circle.

Chapter 7: Since cherry blossoms mark the start of a new school year, Mizuki jokes with the others about being in the same class. They all have fun.

Kanade thanks Mizuki for the adventure. Now, she feels like she can write a new song. Mizuki's glad they got to see a new side of everyone, too. They go to ask if everyone would want to do this again next year, but suddenly, their chest tightens up.

Chapter 8: Everyone fell asleep on the bus except Mizuki. They were surprised by their own thoughts: they'd never thought about the future with anybody else before. They're scared they'll have to tell them if they want to stick together. They find it ironic; they're the one that wanted to learn about everyone else, but ended up being the one with the most secrets. Ena caught a glimpse of Mizuki's troubled face in secret.

The four part at the train station. Mafuyu needed to get home before her family, and Kanade started getting tired. Mizuki laughed and said they should go home, too. Ena asked if they were okay, but Mizuki dodged the question.

[dutchwinter]

Saosin (Full Set) @ Chain Reaction - 19:25

circa survive at hoodwink 2010 part 5 - 3:29

Anthony Green - A Reason To Stay (Official Video) 0:47

[hate5six] L.S. Dunes - November 26, 2022 - 5:41

Circa Survive - Live @ Stubb's Austin, Texas 2010 - 7:20

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 3 - 4:07 [thank u wilde for the source]

L.S. Dunes - Permanent Rebellion (Official Music Video) - 1:25

CIRCA SURVIVE - Child Of The Desert (Official Music Video) - 1:25

[hate5six] L.S. Dunes - November 26, 2022 - 39:21

Saosin - "Translating the Name," "They Perched," and "Seven Years" (Live in Garden Grove 10-27-22) - 12:36 [thank u wes for the timestamp]

Saosin (Full Set) @ Chain Reaction - 24:27

ANTHONY GREEN performing "She Loves Me So" - 3:26

L.S. Dunes - Permanent Rebellion (Official Music Video) - 2:56

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 1 - 1:10

Anthony Green - Act Appalled Acoustic - 1:32

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 2 - 3:04

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 4 - 7:23

circa survive at hoodwink 2010 part 3 - 9:12

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 4 - 10:20

[hate5six] L.S. Dunes - November 26, 2022 - 41:52

Circa Survive - The Difference Between Medicine And Poison Is In The Dose (Live in Sydney) | Moshcam - 4:04

Anthony Green @ Strummer's (FULL SET) - 57:09

Circa Survive - Blue Sky Noise (LIVE) - 38:38

CIRCA SURVIVE- Schema (Official Music Video) - 1:59

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 3 - 11:58

Anthony Green - So It Goes (Official Video) - 0:09

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 1 - 1:06

Saosin - "Seven Years" and "Translating the Name" (Live in Santa Ana 1-19-15) - 4:50

CIRCA SURVIVE- Schema (Official Music Video) - 2:42

Anthony Green Threw A “Sparkler” Out The Tour Van Window | Classic Tales | VANS - 1:56

Circa Survive - Get Out (Official Music Video) - 0:49

L.S. Dunes First Show! (Part 1) live at Riot Fest 2022 (4K) - 7:25

Circa Survive - Imaginary Enemy (Official Music Video) - 1:46

Anthony Green - A Reason To Stay (Official Video) - 1:41

L.S. Dunes - Bombsquad (Live at Dreamland) 0:56

Circa Survive - Imposter Syndrome (Official Music Video) - 1:14

[hate5six] Circa Survive - December 10, 2021 - 40:37

CIRCA SURVIVE - Child Of The Desert (Official Music Video) - 2:59

Saosin - "Seven Years" and "Translating the Name" (Live in Santa Ana 1-19-15) - 7:23

CIRCA SURVIVE - Spring Tour: Part 4 - 11:26

Circa Survive - On Letting Go (Live in Sydney) | Moshcam - 2:21

[hate5six] Circa Survive - December 10, 2021 - 9:06

Circa Survive - "Through the Desert Alone" and "Stop the Fuckin' Car" (Live in Los Angeles 5-28-11) - 8:26

Circa Survive: Live at the Shrine (2014) - DVD - 46:25

Circa Survive - Get Out (Official Music Video) - 1:14

Circa Survive "The Great Golden Baby" & "Stop the Fu*king Car" live @ Chain Reaction 11/12/15 - 0:27

Anthony Green in a dress - 0:54

CIRCA SURVIVE - Child Of The Desert (Official Music Video) - 0:25

L.S. Dunes - Past Lives (Official Music Video) - 1:35

Anthony Green - "Cat Song" - 0:04

Circa Survive - "Through the Desert Alone" and "Stop the Fuckin' Car" (Live in Los Angeles 5-28-11) - 5:23

Circa Survive - Imposter Syndrome (Official Music Video) - 3:52

CIRCA SURVIVE- Schema (Official Music Video) - 2:15

L.S. Dunes - Past Lives (Official Music Video) - 1:29

Saosin (Full Set) @ Chain Reaction - 19:27

and there we have it. sources and timestamps for every single clip in dear wilde @funeralend 's absolute territory anthony green fancam. enjoy. lmk if any of the links are fucked up <3

[kaunisbaby]

9, 12, 21, and 25, please?

thank you kelley 💓

9. Favourite cover song?

left outside alone and everybody (backstreet's back) are both songs that used to mean the world to little giulia, and bc's versions are both incredible!!

12. Have you discovered other bands or artists through Blind Channel? (e.g., bands they’ve toured with, collaborations, etc.)

robin packalen actually has the status of Blorbo^(tm) in my books which isn't easy to achieve, i also absolutely love lost society and rock band from hell

21. Have you met up with Tumblr fandom friends in real life? How did it go?

i have met a lot of my tumblr friends!! we're talking 15-20 people i think. i ended up spending a lot of time with some of them and every time they made my experience 100 times better. im forever grateful for those moments. it was one of the best part of traveling for gigs for sure and i felt enriched, like, as a person every single time

there was just one (1) person i didn't have great interactions with, i have no idea why but they seemed to hate me... i mean i know not everyone can like me and that's fine, it's normal and their right, but im also sensitive to rejection so i still think about it to this day

25. What are your predictions for the band’s break and their next steps after it?

i think they will focus a lot on their private lives. joonas wanted to start a podcast so i hope he will do that; i can see joel doing something music-related from time to time (i also don't think he will disappear from the public eye completely); niko and aleksi will keep up scary noise records; i have absolutely no idea about tommi and olli though

my prediction is the break will last 2-3 years and we'll get something different afterwards. maybe a bit heavier who knows 👀