#2003 joel

[moodstabilizr]

so sorry for ur loss… but gahdamn😗

not to be like insensitive… but the way 2003 joel looks in the glow of that guys tactical light on his gun is kinda breathtaking bro

[myownwholewildworld]

wherever you go (a joel miller's ff) - chapter 1

series masterlist | main masterlist | chapter 2

pairing: outbreak!2003!joel x f!reader.

summary: it’s september 29th, 2003, and joel cannot wrap his head around the fact that sarah is truly gone. as he’s about to put an end to his own suffering…

warnings: mdni. suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, deathwish. loss of a daughter / family members. please do NOT read if this is triggering for you. swear words. reader is female, no description given. no mention of age. no use of y/n.

a/n: this is my very first attempt at writing tlou fan fiction. please be nice >: one-shot (maybe?). mainly joel’s pov but then changes to reader’s pov. this is by no means lore-accurate. also this is my interpretation of how joel lost his hearing in his right ear and got the scar on his right temple ― he did imply he tried to end his life after sarah’s death so this is how i imagine it happened. finally, this is not proofread and english is not my mother tongue, so please excuse any mistakes you might spot. enjoy! (or not? cry with me pls).

w/c: ~1.3k.

Had life been any different, Joel would probably not be in this position.

He had lost everything he held dear. His very reason for living. He could not wrap his head around the fact that Sarah was gone. Truly gone. He could still feel the mud under his fingernails ― his vain attempt to undo the work Tommy had put into digging Sarah’s grave.

It still felt unreal. His baby girl was six feet under, just a few yards away from him. But in his mind, he was still hugging her closely against his chest, feeling her warmth. Tommy had tried to console him, but there were no words in any human language that could sooth his broken heart, so his brother left to run the perimeter and give him some space.

The last few days were like a whirlpool of pain and tears ― agony filling up his lungs, constricting his throat. Joel could not remember the last time he had cried, but he had done so many times in the last seventy-two hours. He could not contain his own emotion any longer. Such torment was too overwhelming. A father was not supposed to bury his own daughter.

It was thanks to his brother that he had been able to put his Sarah to rest. After hell broke loose in Austin and that damn official had shot at them, Joel could not bring himself to recall what had happened afterwards. From what Tommy had told him, they ran for as long as they could ― Joel still holding onto Sarah’s lifeless body. His brother was able to secure a vehicle and they drove out of the city to avoid any more unwanted encounters.

That was how they got to Sam Houston National Forest. Under normal circumstances, they would have gotten there in under three hours, but it took them almost three days. Sarah loved that nature reserve. They would vacation nearby in the summertime when Joel’s schedule was clear of contracting jobs. Sarah, always full of life, would push her dad down the hiking trail, giggling, teasing him and his old knees.

Paralysed by fear, pain and guilt, Joel had only been able to watch as Tommy put a shovel to the ground and started digging. He only snapped out of his stupor when his brother murmured something as he kneeled before him to take Sarah away from his arms. Joel could not comprehend what Tommy was doing until the younger Miller put Sarah in the hole. That was when he had completely lost it.

It had been hours and Joel had not moved yet. His back against a pine tree, hands on his lap. His eyes fixated on his daughter’s tomb. Tommy had fashioned a cross with wood branches to mark the grave, wildflowers surrounding it despite being September. The contrast between the blooming wildlife and Sarah’s burial pit was gut-wrenching. So much that Joel had to close his eyes to stop them from watering once more.

Tommy had assured him this dreadful feeling would lessen with time ― maybe even go away. Joel had just looked at him blankly in disbelief. He very much doubted it. There was no way he could feel his heart beating again when it had been ripped out of his chest. Emptiness eating him up, nothingness taking over his soul, dread engulfing his senses. There was no coming back from this.

Truthfully, he could not see the point anymore. The world was ending anyway, why postpone the inevitable? Joel was sure that he would only burden Tommy ― in this state of mind, he was not going to be able to protect anyone, let alone his brother. In fact, he would just guide him to his death, the same way he had led Sarah to hers.

Joel opened his eyes and looked down. Tommy had left a gun on the ground to his right while he patrolled the surrounding area, in case he was interrupted and in need of protecting himself. What he was thinking about doing could be considered as “protecting himself” ― from his own thoughts, his own breathtaking pain.

His right hand wrapped around the grip of the gun while his index finger slid towards the trigger. As Joel put the gun to his right temple, his eyes locked on the makeshift wooden cross. He hoped he could be reunited with Sarah in Heaven, God knew he had tried his best in this life and had still failed. It was not enough. He was not enough.

Joel took a deep breath, eyes closed, and pulled the trigger.

Houston was in shambles. You just barely escaped that godforsaken city and made it to the closest nature reserve you could think of. It was the best idea, you thought, as people would be scarce in the midst of nature. So, you walked and walked, until you came across two men who had set up camp off the main trail. You kept to the shadows, not knowing if you should trust them or not.

The youngest one left a few minutes after your arrival, so you adjusted your position in order to not be seen. From there, you could have a better look at the older guy, who seemed rather defeated, sat on the ground, his back resting against a tree. His eyes bare, his face completely blank. You assumed his crushed expression was because of the events of the last few days.

Or, at least, that was what you thought until you spotted the improvised grave in front of him.

Tears welled up, gathering at the rims of your eyelids. You knew that feeling damn too well. Not only the outbreak, but life had also taken some very important people from you. The feeling of loss ― you perfectly understood how hard it could hit.

But you could not reminisce about old times, not now, when your own life was hanging by a thread. You were alone in this world, and you knew how fucking dangerous that would be for a woman. Human nature scared you more than some goddamn virus.

So you were lingering. You saw those two men, and you pondered your options. Something was telling you that you could trust them ― if you could trust anyone while the world was ending.

You came closer, making sure you did not make a noise. That was when you saw the raw emotion painted on his worn-out face. There was something about him that drew you in. His gloomy look spoke of hurt, but also danger.

And then you also saw his hand holding a gun to his temple.

You just acted ― without any concern for your own safety.

“NO!”, a painful shriek left your mouth as you ran towards him, your knees skidding through the dirt as you stopped by his side.

You wrapped both of your hands around his wrist, trying to pull the gun away from him, when the shot went off with a loud bang. It grazed the skin on his temple and blood started to pool on the fresh wound.

“Oh, shit”, you said breathlessly, pressing the palm of your hand against the gash to stop the bleeding.

His brown eyes focused on you, a mixture of shock and disappointment.

After what felt like an eternity losing yourself in those irises, he mumbled:

“Why?”

You tried to talk, but the words would not leave your tongue.

“I…”, you started to explain yourself, but was quickly interrupted.

“What the heck was that?!”

You looked up and spotted the second man, the one you saw walking away a few minutes earlier, running towards you ― rifle on hand, pointing at you.

Blood rushed out of your face. Was that how you were going to die after all?

“Tommy, wait―”

[pasc4lfuzz]

pre-outbreak joel miller instagram profile

I decided to start making ig profiles for the pedro boys because my procrastination percentage is rising (lmao), I intend to post of almost everyone of them.

I imagine Joel's profile with a lot of family pictures because he HAS to show everyone he loves his family like no one else does. He also posts some of the woodcarvings he does, I'm my imagination 2003 joel loves to woodcarve and does it to de-stress.

And of course he post's his dad selfies!

If you wanna see more pedro characters ig profile check here!

[90s-2000s-barbie]

[ellies-enrichment]

how she tells joel she knows he’s abandoning her and giving her to tommy

[pinkeatom29]

hello guys

have you ever heard brazlian dr tenma?

now you have :)

[papa-evershed]

RJC talks Downton Wars

[toxicbrothel]

POV!!!!

night chalks 2

Joel knew he wouldn’t be able to get you back to his place. He lucked out when you parked next to him in the darkest corner. Over the first drink, you told him how well Sarah was doing in class, then after one more, you admitted things weren’t good with your fiancé.  Your engagement was falling apart, all on its own–It was only the second time Joel had seen you. To lighten the mood again and make you forget, Joel told you about Sarah’s new obsession with Captain Jack Sparrow. Then, when he was closing the tab, he put an Altoid mint in his mouth. You looked at him shyly and took one from the tin. Oh, you wanted it bad. He brushed your bare inner thigh with his hand as he stood up, and you didn’t pull away. Hell yeah. 

At your car, Joel latched onto your mouth and pinned you up against it. He held your head while he fed you his tongue, and he slipped his other hand into his pocket to unlock his SUV. He thrust his raging arousal against you and when you moaned, he pulled you off your car with both hands on your ass. He kissed you for another moment, feeling you melt in his arms, then pivoted you toward his SUV and opened the back door. You paused, and he growled into your neck, “C’mon, baby. I’m hot for teacher" with a firm grab of the ass.

As you got in, he unbuckled his belt. “I’m comin’, sugar.” Then, in one swift motion, he pulled his t-shirt over the back of his head, knowing his physique would erase any last-second doubts.  As he shut the door behind himself, you spread your knees, hot damn. “Attagirl,” he muttered to himself. He took in the sight of you laid out for him on your back, dyin' for his cock. “Hot as hell,” he murmured as he got on top of you. Then he laid his hips into yours, grinding his hard-on against your front, kissing you ravenously. You hooked a leg around him and he breathed, “Fuck yeah,” before hiking up your skirt. 

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First one: (2003) Night Chalks (400)

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Ty for reading! ty romana for the hot gif! 💕

[softpascalito]

I Baby, I'm Your National Anthem I 2003!DBF!Joel Miller I

Summary: You are back from college for the summer and your family happens to throw the annual Fourth of July Barbecue for your street. Your next-door neighbor and dad's best friend Joel Miller is invited—and you decide to wear a bold outfit. It definitely catches his attention.

Pairing: 2003!DBF!Joel Miller x F!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 3.3k Tags: Explicit, Smut, Age Difference, Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak, Fourth of July, DBF!Joel, Fingering, P in V Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Pool Sex, Unsafe Sex, Dirty Talk, Biting, Teasing, Making Out, Outdoor Sex, Alcohol (like two beers)

AO3 LINK // Masterlist

notes: i saw one (1) tiktok with this fucking glorious fourth of july outfit and somehow this happened. consider this fanfic to be my application to be invited to your 4th of july party next year (yes, you specifically). enjoy the filth <3 (also highly recommend listening to national anthem by lana while reading!)

The sound of the sprinklers rotating on the lawn in front of your window and the slamming of a truck door alerted you that your father was back with the last minute groceries. You quickly got up, heading out to the driveway to help carry the brown bags.

“Take those first, it’s ice cream for the kids. Don’t want it melting,” he advised as he busied himself with grabbing the cooler off the truck bed, disappearing towards the garden, the fence running along it already decorated with red, white and blue, matching the tablecloths and flags hung from the large tree in your backyard to the porch.

You had just got back from college for the summer and had been more than ready to enjoy your time off as you usually did, by lounging in the sun behind your house or going for a swim in the neighbor’s pool. The honeymoon phase of holidays, before they turned into the unavoidable boredom that followed once all reunions had been completed and, at the same time, reminded you precisely why you’d gotten out of the small neighborhood in Austin at your first chance.

The bag you’d brought home was still on the floor in your room, barely half unpacked. Sitting on top of it was the outfit you had picked out weeks ago—at the precise moment your father had called to let you know it was your family's turn to host your street's traditional barbecue on the Fourth of July.

A blue and white checkered bikini, the bottoms made of much less fabric than you’d ever seen sold in Austin. A pair of shorts that seemed barely bigger, cut low enough to give a peak of the set below—and a crop top, the words ‘Miss America’ splayed across your chest in curved, red letters, complete with two red bows attached to the straps. You were certain that, if your father still had a say in your clothing choices, this would not go—and that was precisely why it was perfect. If your father hated it, so would his best friend.

Joel Miller had been little more than your kind next-door neighbor for years—until you’d come back from college for your first break. Suddenly, you questioned how for years you’d been able to miss the way his shirt strained over his broad shoulders or the small grunts that left him when he was tinkering with his truck in the driveway.

You ignored your father’s muttered comments about your outfit as you returned to the kitchen a few minutes later and busied yourself with the last few preparations.

“It’s what all the girls at college wear.” He shook his head but stayed quiet.

Joel and Sarah arrived a little later than the other guests, greeting your father as they stepped into the backyard and you caught something about a mess-up at the construction site as the two men embraced. You turned your attention towards Sarah, who excitedly asked your opinion about her new sneakers and didn’t run off to join the other kids playing football at the far end of the backyard until you reassured her that they were indeed very cool, throwing in a comment about how you’d seen someone at University wear them—making her positively beam.

You turned towards the house just in time to see Joel’s eyes land on you. Oh boy.

His gaze trailed down your body, tracing your curves, no doubt taking in the shape of your body. It took him a few moments to snap out of it, shifting as his gaze returned to your face before he hesitantly crossed the space between you. The polite, strained expression on his face told you exactly how hard he was trying to keep his eyes from wandering.

“Back from college then?” he asked, clearly keeping the conversation light. Though you did like to think, unlike many others, that he actually wanted to know. That he cared.

“For the summer,” you responded, smiling up at him innocently, still aware of his eyes on you.

“How d’you like it?” Joel placed a hand on his hip, looking at you expectantly.

“It's good. A little exhausting sometimes. Lots of studying.” You grinned as you saw him raise a brow.

“Studying, eh?” There was something twinkling in his eyes, a certain sense of mischief you hadn't seen in him before. “That what all the kids do up there these days?”

“That and a few parties,” you admitted with a small smirk. “You know, finding the balance of life. But college boys are—”

Both your heads flew around as you heard your dad call your name and for a second, your heart felt like it stopped. You'd wanted to tease Joel by talking about college boys, not reveal your love life to your father. But clearly, he hadn't heard. “Get Joel a beer, will you?”

Joel opened his mouth—but then he shook his head. His voice sounded strained as he spoke. “Beer sounds good.”

You led him towards the cooler, reaching down to grab two bottles, handing one to him. A bemused smile played around his lips as he nodded towards the bottle still clutched in your hand. “Your old man letting you sneak beers?”

“He doesn't have to,” you said with a satisfied smirk, grabbing the bottle opener and handing it to him. “Turned twenty-one this spring.”

You could see Joel's hand shaking slightly as he opened his beer before motioning for you to give him yours and doing the same for you. “Quite the gentleman,” you mumbled, taking in the way his green flannel sat a bit too tight around his broad chest.

“You don't know half of it.”

During the afternoon, the light blue sky seemed to be celebrating the holiday as much as the people below it. The barbecue was fired up by your father, the other fathers gathering around as he explained the new, improved features, making you roll your eyes. You drifted back and forth between the adults and the children, joining the latter for a few rounds of football until the sun began to set.

Joel kept his distance and, with a slightly heavy heart, you followed his lead. He was rather quiet but still, you could see his eyes flying towards you occasionally. You began to wonder if you had miscalculated.

When the salad bowl ran low for the second time, you volunteered yourself to head inside to refill it. You had barely placed it on the kitchen counter when you felt him standing in the doorway, leaning casually against the dark wood. His eyes trailed down your form more slowly than before, leaving no doubt in your mind that the outfit had fulfilled its purpose of getting his attention.

“Quite a party.” His gaze was still not meeting yours, lingering on your chest.

“Wait until they bring out the fireworks. My dad bought enough to light up the whole street.” Your voice shook slightly as you spoke.

Joel shook his head, a tiny smile forming on his face as he stepped forward. “Ain’t what I meant.” His hand brushed over your thigh and you sent an anxious glimpse out the window, making sure that you weren't in anyone's line of sight.

“It's a pretty bikini,” Joel mumbled, lowering his voice. His thumb was brushing over the checkered fabric where it peeked out from under your shorts. “Shame you aren't taking a swim in it.”

An involuntary breath left your throat as you felt his free hand coming up to your face, nudging your chin up slightly. You couldn't remember ever being so close to him, your brain going into overdrive as it tried to figure out which part of his face to commit to memory first. Desire burned in your core brighter than ever and between that and the beer possibly clouding your judgment, you bit your lip, sending the man in front of you a shy smile and yet abandoning all care. You'd be back to college in a few weeks. If this went wrong, you'd never have to speak to him again.

“Is that an offer?”

“Damn sure is, darling,” Joel mused, his hand squeezing your hip and you let out a small breath of relief.

You thanked all your lucky stars for the architect who had built your house some 50 years ago—and had clearly taken into account that you would one day need to sneak out the back door with your dads best friend—preferably without being seen. It faced towards the high fence that separated your yard from the Miller’s, making it feel almost too easy for the two of you to sneak off.

You hadn’t even reached the pool when you dropped your shirt and pants to the floor, making Joel whistle lowly behind you. “I was right. It is a fucking pretty bikini.” You felt your cheeks flush at the compliment, his eyes still raking over your body as his clothes joined yours on the floor, leaving him in only his boxers.

You’d seen him shirtless a few times. When you'd brought over something you had borrowed and he was in the pool or the one time you'd been over to help Sarah with some homework and he'd just gotten out of the shower, a beige towel wrapped around his waist. You’d felt like some fucking creep when you had recalled the sight of his naked chest, and the trail of hair leading further down, at night and slipped a hand between your own thighs, thinking that you stood no chance with the man who was frequently whispered about by the single ladies of the neighbourhood, despite rarely showing interest in them.

You lowered yourself into the water and felt it ripple around you as Joel followed. The next moment, he was beside you, pushing you towards the other edge of the pool, strong arms caging you in on either side. You could still hear the party going on behind the fence, voices and music, the smell of barbecue drifting through the air. And a few lights—tiny holes in the fence allowing them to travel through, the warm glow reflecting on the surface of the pool.

Joel growled as he nipped at your skin, hard enough that you already knew it'd leave marks. Good.

“Can't let you go back to college without something to remind you of me,” he muttered and you sucked in a breath in response, the words going straight to your core. His teeth scraped over the notch between your collarbones and you felt a moan begin to travel up your throat. Before it could escape however, Joel's hand clasped firmly over your mouth, forcing you to breathe through your nose as your eyes widened slightly.

“Don't want your dad hearing us, do you?” Joel muttered and indeed you could hear the voice of your father booming through the night air as he delivered some punchline to a no doubt stupid joke. You shook your head softly and that seemed to satisfy Joel because the next moment, his hand left your mouth and began to slide down your body, trailing over it the same way his eyes had earlier tonight. Your breath hitched in your throat as you felt his index finger circle drawing shapes on your hip before slipping under your bikini, brushing past your clit and settling between your folds.

“Hard to tell in here but feels like you’re wet for me,” Joel muttered with a grin and you bit your lip, voice hoarse as you tried to keep quiet.

“Took you long enough to notice,” you teased—and the reaction was immediate. He pushed you further against the side of the pool, trapping you with his broad body.

“Watch it.” His index finger moved upwards—and the next moment, your walls were clenching around it, already begging for more. You felt a second finger drawing large circles around your clit again—when a noise on the other side of the fence made both of you pause, heads swiveling around just in time to see a football land on the lawn.

He cursed under his breath, pushing himself off you and dragging you to the end of the pool least visibly from the house. The deck was raised high enough above the water that if you squeezed yourself against the wall, you just may not be seen—especially in the dark. Once he had pushed you into the corner, he was about to follow when your eyes widened. “Joel, the clothes,” you whispered in a panicked voice.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath and crossed the pool in a few strokes, climbing back onto the porch. You watched, holding your breath, as he looked around, finally locating two towels and throwing one over the mixed pile of clothes and wrapping the other around his waist. No second too late, because the next moment one of the men who had marveled at your dads new barbecue earlier strode over the lawn. “Miller, hey! What’re you doing out here?”

Even in the water, you felt your knees go weak. Joel was dripping wet, his cheeks flushed—your only hope was that the other man was either too drunk or too stupid to realize what was happening.

“Heard something thud against the wall.” You heard Joel respond. “Was just taking a shower, Tony spilled his beer all over my shirt earlier.”

The other man let out a small laugh. “Yeah, he’s wasted.” You couldn't see him from where you were standing but you heard him pick up the ball as an idea popped into your head. You shifted slightly, knowing your movement would be visible to Joel, who was still in your sight—and after a moment, you held up your bikini bottoms, smiling innocently. Joel's eyes flickered towards you for a split second—and even in the dark you could see his body tense, adjusting the towel around his waist as the veins on his neck bulged with restraint.

Footsteps told you the other man was leaving, until they paused again. His voice rang through the yard once more. To your horror, it was your name that filled the air. “Do you know where she went? Her father was looking for her I think.”

Joel's face twitched before he forced himself to smile. “No clue. Maybe calling a secret college boyfriend.”

He waited until the man's laughter had drifted away and joined with the noises of the party again before he dropped the towel, his cock straining at the fabric of his boxers.

As soon as he was back in the pool, he was upon you, cowering over you with a hard expression on his face, snatching the small piece of fabric from your hand. “Think it’s fucking funny?” He muttered, his eyes flying over your face. 

The alcohol was definitely having an effect on you because you grinned, nodding weakly. “A little bit.”

Joel actually fucking growled at that.

He made short work of your bikini top, yanking it off to gather your breasts in his large hands, squeezing slightly. “That fucking mouth of yours, darling.”

“Should shut me up,” you muttered back and his eyes briefly searched yours before his mouth was on yours. Neither of you were gentle, much too impatient for soft kisses. His tongue slipped into your mouth, his teeth grazed over your lip and you could feel the vibrations of his groans traveling right from his throat into yours.

When he broke the kiss, you whined in protest, wrapping your own arms around him to pull him closer, making him groan as his still covered cock brushed against your stomach. “Goddamn, baby, you gonna let me fuck you?”

Joel didn't even flinch when you softly bit down on his earlobe. “Like you have to ask, Miller.”

His last name seemed to do as much to him as it did to you because his hands briefly left your sides to yank his boxers down, throwing them carelessly onto the lawn behind you. “Get your ass up here,” he commanded as he hoisted you up and you automatically wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his cock nudge at your entrance.

Joel swallowed and you could see him struggling to restrain himself. “Do you want me to go and get-”

“Got it covered,” you said impatiently before he could even finish the sentence.

“You sure?” He asked again and you nodded impatiently. And then he was finally pushing his hips upwards, his cockhead parting your lips, requesting entrance. You let your body fall into his rhythm, sinking down on him, forcing a whimper from your throat.

You barely heard the shuffling behind the fence and the voices getting more muted as the party seemed to be moved towards the street, further away from you.

“It ain’t your first time, is it, sweetheart?” Joel suddenly piped up, watching your expression carefully and you could distinctly hear the note of concern in his voice. But you shook your head.

“Told you,” you breathed out. “College boys.”

“This gonna be better than any damn college boy,” Joel mumbled, a grunt leaving his throat as he began to thrust up into you properly, driving any worry out of your mind.

“You knew what you were doing to me tonight?” He muttered, causing you to shake your head despite the fact that you knew exactly, even planned, to do it to him. You wanted to give a snarky response, something smart, but you could barely think straight with his cock nestled so deep inside of you.

“Made me hard all throughout dinner, thinking about all the things i could do with you,” Joel answered his own question before changing his angle slightly, his arms wrapped tightly around you. “Fuck, doing so good for me, darling.”

“Joel—” you choked out, feeling the orgasm that had been lingering for what felt like forever now approaching rapidly. “Want you to come inside, please—”

His eyes darkened as he nodded. And then, suddenly a sparkling light reflected in his eyes—followed by a loud bang far above you. The fireworks had started.

It only took a few more thrusts and Joel's finger returning to your clit to send you rushing towards your orgasm, your fingernails scratching over his back so hard that you were certain you were not going to be the only one with something to remember tomorrow.

“Come on,” Joel edged you on. “Show me how pretty you look coming on my cock, baby.”

And you did, groaning as your body tensed, the feeling inside your stomach so similar to the exploding fireworks above, with Joel following suit, obeying your wish and spilling himself deep inside of you as you clung on to him, so content to finally, finally carry him so deep inside, the thought traveling right to your core again as he gathered you in his arms, both of you tilting your heads back enough to watch the sky above sparkle in different colors.

“Happy fourth, Joel.”

He pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Happy fucking fourth, darling.”

He gathered the clothes in his arms, whispering promises and praise as he led you up the stairs to his bathroom, having insisted to at least get you clean before letting you sneak back home. His hands brushed over your naked skin, causing you to raise a brow. “I thought we were gonna take a shower?” “Oh, I'm not nearly done with you,” Joel muttered in your ear, causing you to smirk. You reached for your clothes but Joel only gave a small tut. “You’ll get them back. Just not—” He raised the checkered bikini bottom. “This. I’m keeping that.”

thank you for reading! every time you leave a comment, a firework explodes over joel miller fucking in a pool btw :)

[sotvtaughtmehowtofeel]

Joel, being unable to outright tell Ellie anything emotional, pores over old music, learning songs that adequately express his feelings toward her.

He spent so long picking out “Future Days”.

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Ellie, learning to ride a horse: What happens if I kick and pull the reins at the same time?

Joel: The horse takes a screenshot.

Ellie: What the fuck does that mean.

[peepawjoelsdenim]

manifesting domestic life with my man in a cozy house with a nice porch where I could sit on a rocking chair, watching him mow the lawn in a pair of shades while sipping on my tea in my pretty little sundress

[in-death-we-fall]

Stone Sour

Hot And Bothered

Metal Edge 48-11, March 2003

By Joshua Sindell Photos by Annamaria Disanto

(google drive link) Murderdolls interview here - Slipknot interview here

Stone Sour’s debut album wasn’t what Slipknot fans were expecting. And that pleases Corey Taylor a great deal. Not nearly as outrageously angry as Iowa, the disc blends Taylor’s passionate singing, rock-solid riffing and indelible tunes, creating a record of downbeat songs that rewards comparisons to the sobering sound of the grunge bands a decade ago. With two other musicians of Slipknot getting involved—guitarist Jim Root’s a fully-fledged member of the band, DJ Sid Wilson adds sonic wallpaper to three songs—and now with a huge radio hit in the song, “Bother,” Stone Sour has begun to take on a greater importance than maybe even Taylor had intended. After all, this was a band that played in the Des moines area for years (‘92-’97) without gaining any attention from record labels. Members passed in and out of their ranks like ants through an anthill, and when Taylor finally gave his band notice, that he was joining their hometown rivals Slipknot, Stone Sour seemed to end with quiet finality.

“By ‘97, I’d been doing it for five years straight,” says Corey. Stripped of his Slipknot coveralls and mask, Taylor is a not unhandsome, stockily-built man, standing about 5’7” tall. His brown hair hangs down to his shoulders, and despite his frequent use of the “F” word, it’s clear that he has a large vocabulary and isn’t afraid to use it. “No one comes to Des Moines to see you play,” Corey continues. “Even Slipknot had to go to Chicago to get fucking noticed. I was sick of working my ass off in Stone Sour and seeing nothing on the back end. I knew that I wanted to make it, and I wanted to try something new. So, the guys in Slipknot came and asked me to join.”

His current bandmates—Root, guitarist Josh Rand, bass player Shawn Economaki and drummer Joel Ekman���have all played in Stone Sour at one time or another. Shawn recalls that Stone Sour were almost the “top dogs” in their small scene. “When we first came out, we had our own little reign in Des moines. Then Slipknot came out and just blew the scene to shit!” he laughs.

Were they furious with Taylor when he deserted them? Joel Ekman shrugs. “When he called me to tell me he was joining Slipknot, I told him good luck and wished him the best. Sure, I was mad. It’s hard to find a good singer, especially in Des Moines. Corey’s voice is just awesome and I wondered how we could replace him. When Slipknot needed a singer, of course he was the one to grab.” Corey sat down with Metal Edge to set the record straight…

METAL EDGE: So, you strike out on your own, after all this success with Slipknot, and then you name your new band after a drink? COREY TAYLOR: It just worked out that way. When me and Joel were trying to find a name, we had all kinds of fucking weird shit that we were thinking about calling this band. You have to remember that we were 19 when we started to put this together. You know, we tried names like Freak Show, but we were clearly not a “freak show.” We were just guys that wanted to play fucking music. So one night, Joel’s at a bar, and he’s reading a drink menu, and he starts writing down all this shit from the drink menu. There was a bunch of shit on there like “Hot Saki,” and “Ocean Green,” you know. Stone Sour was the second to last one, and he brought over the list. He asked me if I liked any of them for names. Stone Sour just stuck in my mind, and I decided that was it, it was perfect. It didn’t mean anything to us other than it was the name. It’s like Slipknot… Slipknot doesn’t mean anything either, it’s just a name for the band.

ME: I wanted to ask you about the spoken-word track on the album, “Omega.” Was that inspired by Henry Rollins’ spoken-word stuff? I know that you recently worked with him on his benefit album for the West Memphis three. CT: It was just something that I wrote. I’ve always wanted to get into stuff like that. Obviously, there wasn’t a platform for me to do that with Slipknot, so when we started working on this, I said, “You know what? I’m not holding myself down to anything. I want to explore, I want to do everything.” So, I just wrote this spoken-word piece, I was on an airplane, too, and it happened quickly, in only ten minutes. I knew that we were going in to do demos for what we were calling “Superego” at the time, which later became Stone Sour. It was more inspired by some of what Rolins had done, but also the “Beat” writers, like Kerouac and Burroughs and Ginsberg. That kind of thing. There’s a different rhythm to it. It’s not just somebody sitting down and just talking. There’s a flow to it, and that’s why I wanted to do it in the first place. I’ve always wanted to get into stuff like that, just from a writing point of view, because if you’re just singing all the time, you get bored. If you can branch out and do different things, why not?

ME: Have you ever done a kind of stand-up poetry reading in the past? CT: No, not yet. But I want to. I want to do it all, dude! I don’t give a fuck. I want to go out and do spoken-word shit, I don’t hold myself down to anything.

ME: What have Slipknot fans thought about this departure for you? CT: Well, I just want to prove a point. I want to prove to everybody that, “a,” I’m not just a guy who screams all the time; “b,” I can do other stuff besides Slipknot, and “c,” I want to show everybody that if you put your fucking mind to it, you can do anything. You can accomplish anything in live, and that’s the whole fucking point. If you’re stuck in a band, no matter how popular it is and how unhappy you are, why not branch out and do as much fucking music as much as you can? I got into music to do music, not just to be a member of a band. I love Slipknot, and I love what I do, but at the same time, if I feel like I’m not getting to branch out creatively in other avenues, then I’m going to fucking do something else. Luckily, the response has been really good, the kids have really dug it. But at the same time, if nobody dug it I’d still be doing it. That’s just the way I am. That’s why I joined Slipknot in the first place, because in the original Stone Sour, I was kind of burned out on what we were doing in ‘97. We had been doing it for about five years, and it was time for me to do something new. The guys in Slipknot came to me and asked me to do it. Now, happily, I’ve been able to come back and do this again.

ME: Is it stifling to be in Slipknot? CT: Kind of, yeah.

ME: That’s going to be a hard thing for Slipknot fans to hear you say, won’t it? CT: Well, here’s the thing. You can listen to Slipknot and tell that we’re creative. We don’t really hold ourselves to one “form” of metal, but at the same time, it’s still metal, man. It’s still very brutal and there’s not much stuff that you can do with it. I couldn’t do a song like “Bother” in Slipknot. It just wouldn’t fit in and it wouldn’t be right. So it was important to me to be able to do that, because I write stuff like “Bother” all the time, and what am I supposed to do? Forget about ever singing those songs? Fuck that. It’s either i write and play and sing, or I die. That’s just the way it is.

ME: Your fiancee she says that she’s been listening to “Bother” for almost three years. And all of a sudden, it’s strange for her to have the rest of the world hearing it. CT: It used to be that I wrote stuff like that for myself. I write on an acoustic guitar, not on an electric. I wrote it in ‘95, and it was one of those songs that I’ve always, whenever I had a moment to play my guitar, I would always start to play it. It took a lot… I think I was actually kind of scared to do anything like it before. When we were doing the demos for the Superego stuff, I thought, “You know what? I’m just going to record it and if we don’t use it, then at least I’ve got it for myself. I can listen to it whenever I want.” And, luckily, when people started listening to it, they were like “Holy shit!” I flew out to L.A. to record it for the Spider-Man soundtrack, and people have been really digging it.

ME: Is it a relief to reveal the person you are beneath your Slipknot mask? CT: Yes. It really was starting to feel like I was a character that I was having to play. I wanted to get away from it, I wanted to get back and just do something so that I could come back to Slipknot and feel the same love that I had for the band on the first album.

ME: Were you nervous about going without your mask? CT: I was a little worried about it at first, but then I thought about it and decided, “This is who I am in Stone Sour.” I shouldn’t be worried or ashamed of that. I did Stone Sour for five years without a mask on. It was just “me.” And people liked it then, so why wouldn’t they like it now?

ME: What’s the reaction that you’re getting from Slipknot about the music that you and Jim are doing now? Have you talked to them? CT: I haven’t even talked to them in a whole. They’ve been doing their own thing, I’ve been so busy with this. I’ve talked to Joey [Jordison, Slipknot drummer] a couple of times. Joey’s doing the Murderdolls and he’s having a good time with that. I feel that if they can’t be happy with the fact that I’m happy right now, then why are we doing it in the first place, you know? If anybody wanted (sic) in the band wanted to branch out and do whatever they wanted, I’d be like, “Fuck yeah. Go for it!” I would never try to hold anybody back, and I don’t think that they’re trying to do that with me.

ME: Do you anticipate seven other solo projects from Slipknot? CT: [Laughing] Probably not! I mean, [DJ] Sid [Wilson]’s got his DJ stuff, and [percussionist Shawn] Clown [Crahan]’s got his hand in a bunch of cookie jars, obviously! [Guitarist] Mick [Thomson]’s involved in some shit… It’s just them basically doing what they can’t do in Slipknot, and that’s the whole reason that me and Jim are doing this.

ME: What did Clown say? CT: Clown said some shit about me and Joey and Jim, you know, that “they’d better realize that it’s all fun and good to do this side-project shit,” which pissed me off, because Stone Sour is not a side-project. It’s an actual band. But he said that if our fucking side-projects get in the way of Slipknot, that we’re going to have to answer to him. He’s just talking shit. You know the Clown! He loves to start shit.

ME: Can you still relate to some of the older songs on the album that date back a few years, as if you wrote them last week? CT: Yeah, it’s the same me. Half of the stuff on this album was written prior to us getting back together. It’s just a different perspective. You know, with Slipknot it’s very much about purging the bullshit and everything that I had to go through as a kid. With Stone Sour, it’s much more general, much more accessible and much more confident. These are issues that everybody thinks about. Stuff like relationships, religion, politics… All kinds of things. It goes back to the music question. I’m not going to limit myself just because common popular knowledge has me cast in one fucking role. Fuck that. I want to be the guy who’s known for doing it all and not giving a shit.

ME: There’s a lot of emotions that seem to come out of depression on this record. “Bother” definitely comes out of that dark frame of mind. CT: Yeah. A lot of the stuff, like “Monolith” and “Take A Number”... “Monolith” is a case study of about (sic) what our potential is. All of us are fucking animals, and the people who think that they’re above being animals are the ones who are more susceptible to snapping in a fit of stress and taking a gun and shooting people. And a song like “Take A Number,” back in the scene as popular as we were, there was always the hot new thing that was going on, where people were buying all the bullshit that somebody was saying. That song’s kind of about personality cults and finding out too late that someone’s full of shit. It’s about being burned by somebody that you really believed in. “Bother” is just about people who take and take and take, until you feel like you can’t give anymore, but they still take and keep on taking.

ME: I wanted to talk to you about “Blotter,” as well. Is that about taking acid? CT: No, no… It’s about a chemical imbalance, about obsession. It’s about being that guy that chases a chick all over town and sits outside her house for six hours a night, calls her time after time when he knows she’s not home. About being that guy who scares the fuck out of you, the template for all women who worry about strangers in dark corners.

ME: And that was never you? CT: No. I came really close with my jealousy. I used to be a very jealous person. But I realized how fucking ugly I was with my jealousy, and a lot of my truth wasn’t reality. Every man has been burned by at least one woman in their life, and for a long time after that you really base your opinion of women off of that experience, unfortunately. It’s just about really wanting to be with someone after being in a situation like that. Meeting someone who has the potential of being that “chemical,” very perfect, very forever, and having your own psychosis get in the way of having that, and losing it. It’s kind of about that.

ME: In addition to Jim, Sid plays on this album. CT: Yeah. Sid does some spinning on three songs, yeah. Sid does what he wants. He doesn’t give a fuck. He never has. The only thing he really worries about is whether his coveralls are all intact, and if he’s got a burn on his leg! I asked him to come down, and he was like, “Fuck yeah, man.” He came down and did all his songs in one night. I didn’t want to make what he did integral parts of the songs, I just wanted something for “ear candy,” and that’s what he’s perfect at. A lot of DJs want to remix everything, they want to start everything over again at ground zero. But Sid comes in, asks what you want him to do, and I told him what I was thinking about. He goes into his albums, his bag of tricks, and fucking pulled it off. It was awesome.

ME: This album was done inexpensively? CT: Very inexpensively. We recorded in Catamount studios in Cedar Falls, Iowa with a guy who Shawn and Jim had worked with before on one of their other bands. And we just got along, he knew that we wanted to make something and we knew that we wanted to do it the way we wanted to do it, and not fuck around with a lot of production and a lot of producers. We wanted to produce it ourselves, and it just worked out fucking great. We ended up going in and spending less than $10,000 to record the album. And then we had Toby Wright set up to mix it. I’d wanted Toby Wright to mix it since day one, and it worked out. A lot of things were really smiling on us, you know?

ME: Did Toby Wright’s name come up from your admiration for his work with Alice In Chains? CT: Yeah. Chains, plus I’d also worked with Toby when I did a song with Max Cavalera for the second Soulfly album. We had hit it off really fucking well. He knows what he likes and he loves great vocal performances, and I really wanted to play with that.

ME: How much time have you set aside for Stone Sour? CT: This is something that, depending on how big it gets, I’m going to tour with this up until we get together to do Slipknot. Maybe even past that, because the rest of the guys can work on the music, and me and Jim can come out and we can still be doing this while they’re working.

ME: Things are comfortable? CT: Me and Shawn and Josh have all known each other since we were kids, and I’ve been with Joel since ‘92. Jim we’ve known forever, just because he’s the most popular guitarist in town with all the bands that he was doing. I don’t know what it is, man, we just work really well together. We play off of each other’s ideas, we have carte blanche to do whatever we want musically, and vocally. It’s a good feeling when you’re working towards a goal instead of working for your own means.

ME: So let’s play word association for a second. If Slipknot equals metal, and People equal Shit, Stone Sour equals…? CT: Melody and freedom. It’s everything to me. It’s the first real band I was ever in, it’s the first band I’ve played live with. It’s the first band I ever recorded anything substantial with. It’s the first band I’ve ever felt proud of, where it wasn’t just me and a couple of guys playing what I wrote. It was all of us really working to do something very cool.

ME: This album seemed to come out of nowhere. No one knew you were off the road long enough to make this record. CT: Fuck yeah. This thing was recorded in thirty days, man. I think Stone Sour is different from what’s out there. It’s melodic and catchy, and it’s got soul and life. I think that it’s going to make people re-evaluate how they look at music. I think that this is the needle that gets shoved in the eye of all the corporate bulshit! Everything is cookie-cutter nu-metal crap! Everybody thinks that they have to have the big rap breakdown, and it’s fucking pathetic! What happened to songwriting, what happened to storytelling? Show me something before you ship a million-plus copies! It’s bullshit, man!

[90s-2000s-barbie]

[ellies-enrichment]

so actually all of tlou is sarah's dream btw