#2000s internet was worse though

[bekolxeram]

So I know of (unwillingly) the behavior of certain cast members on social media in the past, here are my two cents:

It's generally a bad idea to dig that far back into someone's social media history.

I'm old, I was there in the early 2010s. Hell, I was raised by the internet because my parents neither had the knowledge of how dangerous it was to give a child unlimited access to the online world, nor did they have the time to actually parent me. The internet was a different place back then, social media was brand new, and people were still grappling with how forever and how integral your online activities were to real life.

Being vulgar was the mainstream, being edgy was the trend. People at best broadcasted every single one of their intrusive thought and ignorant, insensitive joke online, at worst released a successful song called "Transphobic Techno". Before I nuked my Facebook account, sometimes it would remind me of stuff I shared a decade ago, and I couldn't believe the things I tolerated back then.

Don't get me wrong, those things were not okay back then and they're not okay now. But the truth is, for anyone who had a shred of online presence in the 2010s, no matter if it's your fav or your sworn enemy, if you look hard enough, far enough, you'll find something. In my experience, no one's hands are clean, no one come out looking pretty after that search.

I'm not going to tell you what to think, you don't have to be okay with all this, you don't owe them anything, it's just a TV show. But this TV show also tells me sometimes good people act in unhealthy ways because of their environment, trauma, or insecurities. I would much rather take people for who they are at this moment, rather than pick a moment along their journey to portray them in the worst light possible.

With that being said, I'm just not that interested in the actors behind my favorite shows. I avoid interviews because to me they take away some of the magic, but that's just me. If someone is actively spreading hate and bigotry with their platform, or making their work environment hostile, then I would care about it. Until then, I have stuff to do, I have bills to pay, I have a mental breakdown scheduled in a few days so it's not really a path I want to go down.

[inkskinned]

no, but really, we need to talk about the casual objectification that has become the fallback discourse of the internet: if you're pretty and dressed nicely, you're a slut. and if you're even vaguely outside of their body standard, you're fucking disgusting.

too-frequently, people position sex workers as being "the problem". they sneer you're addicted to pornography, you don't know what a real woman looks like. but real women are in pornography. the real bodies on display are not the issue here: the issue is that other people feel extremely confident when commenting on someone's physique.

2000's super-thin is slowly worming its way back into the public ideal. recently i saw someone get told to "go for a run", despite the fact she was on the thinner side of average. not that it would ever be appropriate to say that: but it's kind of like sticker shock when you see it. people think that is fat? holy shit. do they just have no idea about things?

but what are you going to do about it? that's the problem, right. because chances are - you're a normal person. we can say normalize carrying fat on your body, but we are not the billion-dollar diet industry. we are not the billion-dollar fashion industry. we are just, like. people. who are trying to make content on the internet, without being treated shittily.

as someone who has been on both sides of things: you are treated better when you are thin and pretty. this is statistically correct. i am not saying that you cannot be bullied for being thin; i'm saying there are objective institutional biases against certain bodytypes. there are videos of men and women who lost weight all saying: i now know for a fact exactly how much worse you're treated. in the comments, some asshole inevitably says something akin to you deserved to be dehumanized when you were fat.

which means that ... the easiest thing to do is be pretty and thin. it is the path of least resistance, because of course it is, because any time you post a picture of yourself without a thigh gap, someone immediately comments something like you need to try a diet.

the other half is also dehumanizing though, huh, just in a different way. when i put on makeup and nice clothes, i am told i slept my way to the top as a professional. do you know how many women in STEM have told me they purposefully dress to "unimpress" because they already struggle to be taken seriously and if they're ever considered pretty - it for some reason takes away from their authority.

so they make it seem like it's your fault. you, existing in a body - it's your fault! if you didn't want shitty comments, don't have a body. they position us against each other like chess pieces; vying for male attention we don't even need.

and i can be an authority on this unless you think i'm fat and unattractive. when i am pretty and thin, i'm an activist. when i am just a normal person who makes a good point: i am immediately dismissed. nobody fucking believes you if you're not seen as attractive. you literally lose value. you cease to exist.

but the whole time, it feels like - is anyone actually grounded the fuck in reality? the line of "pretty and thin" keeps shifting. nobody seems to understand what "a normal weight" even looks like, because it's not something that exists - you cannot tell a person's health by looking at their body. even if you think you could tell that, even if you're sure a person is dangerously overweight - people are not your dolls. they do not need to be dressed up or displayed properly to soothe your aesthetics. you aren't concerned for them, you're stealing their agency. you don't get to say if they're "allowed" to take pictures and post them on the internet - you don't get to tell them how to exist.

people hide behind "the obesity epidemic" without any actual qualifications. they crow things about "normalizing unhealthiness".

but it's bullshit. i have visible abs. there is a pair of parallel lines on my body, even when i'm relaxed; where my obliques meet my abdominal wall. i am proud of this because it means i'm strong, because i overcame an eating disorder only to be ripped as fuck. it is genetic and physical luck that i even get any definition, i'm pleased as punch.

but it does mean that my abdominal wall sticks out a little bit. the other day i posted a video of myself dancing, and, for a moment, my shirt slipped. you could see a little bit of my stomach. i was cartwheeling to the floor. moments before this, i'd had my foot over my head.

a guy slid into my DMs. a row of vomiting emojis prefaced: you should really lose some weight before you think about dancing.

i stared at it for a long time. there was a time when i would have been triggered by this, where it would have encouraged me to starve myself. i would have ignored the fact i'm flexible, agile, good at jumping: i would have lost the weight for a stranger's passing comment. i would have found myself and my body fucking disgusting.

and for what? to please what? because why? so that he can exist in this world without an unchallenged eyeball? what would my self-hatred even accomplish? usually i write paragraphs. obviously. on this particular occasion, in this body i've been at war with for ages: i just felt exhausted.

it shouldn't be even worth saying. it shouldn't be hard to explain. all of this emotional turmoil when he cannot even comprehend the most basic truth: i am not an object on display for him.

[lurkingteapot]

Every now and then I think about how subtitles (or dubs), and thus translation choices, shape our perception of the media we consume. It's so interesting. I'd wager anyone who speaks two (or more) languages knows the feeling of "yeah, that's what it literally translates to, but that's not what it means" or has answered a question like "how do you say _____ in (language)?" with "you don't, it's just … not a thing, we don't say that."

I've had my fair share of "[SHIP] are [married/soulmates/fated/FANCY TERM], it's text!" "[CHARACTER A] calls [CHARACTER B] [ENDEARMENT/NICKNAME], it's text!" and every time. Every time I'm just like. Do they though. Is it though. And a lot of the time, this means seeking out alternative translations, or translation meta from fluent or native speakers, or sometimes from language learners of the language the piece of media is originally in.

Why does it matter? Maybe it doesn't. To lots of people, it doesn't. People have different interests and priorities in fiction and the way they interact with it. It's great. It matters to me because back in the early 2000s, I had dial-up internet. Video or audio media that wasn't available through my local library very much wasn't available, but fanfiction was. So I started to read English language Gundam Wing fanfic before I ever had a chance to watch the show. When I did get around to watching Gundam Wing, it was the original Japanese dub. Some of the characters were almost unrecognisable to me, and first I doubted my Japanese language ability, then, after checking some bits with friends, I wondered why even my favourite writers, writers I knew to be consistent in other things, had made these characters seem so different … until I had the chance to watch the US-English dub a few years later. Going by that adaptation, the characterisation from all those stories suddenly made a lot more sense. And the thing is, that interpretation is also valid! They just took it a direction that was a larger leap for me to make.

Loose adaptations and very free translations have become less frequent since, or maybe my taste just hasn't led me their way, but the issue at the core is still a thing: Supernatural fandom got different nuances of endings for their show depending on the language they watched it in. CQL and MDZS fandom and the never-ending discussions about 知己 vs soulmate vs Other Options. A subset of VLD fans looking at a specific clip in all the different languages to see what was being said/implied in which dub, and how different translators interpreted the same English original line. The list is pretty much endless.

And that's … idk if it's fine, but it's what happens! A lot of the time, concepts -- expressed in language -- don't translate 1:1. The larger the cultural gap, the larger the gaps between the way concepts are expressed or understood also tend to be. Other times, there is a literal translation that works but isn't very idiomatic because there's a register mismatch or worse. And that's even before cultural assumptions come in. It's normal to have those. It's also important to remember that things like "thanks I hate it" as a sentiment of praise/affection, while the words translate literally quite easily, emphatically isn't easy to translate in the sense anglophone internet users the phrase.

Every translation is, at some level, a transformative work. Sometimes expressions or concepts or even single words simply don't have an exact equivalent in the target language and need to be interpreted at the translator's discretion, especially when going from a high-context/listener-responsible source language to a low-context/speaker-responsible target language (where high-context/listener responsible roughly means a large amount of contextual information can be omitted by the speaker because it's the listener's responsibility to infer it and ask for clarification if needed, and low-context/speaker-responsible roughly means a lot of information needs to be codified in speech, i.e. the speaker is responsible for providing sufficiently explicit context and will be blamed if it's lacking).

Is this a mouse or a rat? Guess based on context clues! High-context languages can and frequently do omit entire parts of speech that lower-context/speaker-responsible languages like English regard as essential, such as the grammatical subject of a sentence: the equivalent of "Go?" - "Go." does largely the same amount of heavy lifting as "is he/she/it/are you/they/we going?" - "yes, I am/he/she/it is/we/you/they are" in several listener-responsible languages, but tends to seem clumsy or incomplete in more speaker-responsible ones. This does NOT mean the listener-responsible language is clumsy. It's arguably more efficient! And reversely, saying "Are you going?" - "I am (going)" might seem unnecessarily convoluted and clumsy in a listener-responsible language. All depending on context.

This gets tricky both when the ambiguity of the missing subject of the sentence is clearly important (is speaker A asking "are you going" or "is she going"? wait until next chapter and find out!) AND when it's important that the translator assign an explicit subject in order for the sentence to make sense in the target language. For our example, depending on context, something like "are we all going?" - "yes" or "they going, too?" might work. Context!

As a consequence of this, sometimes, translation adds things – we gain things in translation, so to speak. Sometimes, it's because the target language needs the extra information (like the subject in the examples above), sometimes it's because the target language actually differentiates between mouse and rat even though the source language doesn't. However, because in most cases translators don't have access to the original authors, or even the original authors' agencies to ask for clarification (and in most cases wouldn't get paid for the time to put in this extra work even if they did), this kind of addition is almost always an interpretation. Sometimes made with a lot of certainty, sometimes it's more of a "fuck it, I've got to put something and hope it doesn't get proven wrong next episode/chapter/ten seasons down" (especially fun when you're working on a series that's in progress).

For the vast majority of cases, several translations are valid. Some may be more far-fetched than others, and there'll always be subjectivity to whether something was translated effectively, what "effectively" even means …

ANYWAY. I think my point is … how interesting, how cool is it that engaging with media in multiple languages will always yield multiple, often equally valid but just sliiiiightly different versions of that piece of media? And that I'd love more conversations about how, the second we (as folks who don't speak the material's original language) start picking the subtitle or dub wording apart for meta, we're basically working from a secondary source, and if we're doing due diligence, to which extent do we need to check there's nothing substantial being (literally) lost -- or added! -- in translation?

[the-masked-ram]

Fics for Gaza

Here I am taking the plunge. I'm a small blog but fast writer even when it comes to my slower times. So might as well put it to good use.

Planning on joining this fundraiser run by @ficsforgaza and help make everyone happy with some content in the process. Here is my plan of action for my wip and donation costs.

To participate- please make a donation to a vetted fundraiser and send a screenshot/proof of your donation to me in a DM. PLEASE MAKES SURE TO CENSOR ALL YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION. (internet safety and all that jazz). In the message also let me know what fic you are donating to and I will adjust expected word counts. These screenshots are merely for keeping things as honest as possible and will be shared with @ficsforgaza

-I obviously will not be taking the money myself. Please send it to one of the vetted fundraisers mentioned in the link below.

$5.00 per 800 words or a full drabble series installment

Link to vetted places to donate here! More fundraisers here!

As soon as 50% of any of the fics are sponsored I will automatically start on them.

Drabble series-

Sweet and Sour- Ren Kaji x Fem Reader Drabble Series

Your the new girl in the city. You are tough, sassy, but don't know a lick about the gangs, and if your honest you couldn't care less. But something about Ren Kaji catches your eye. He may snap and bark like a feral dog, but you can see through it and he knows it too. Slowly, you become his sanctuary even though you are the one person he's most afraid won't accept him. And he thought he was past all that. (NSFW)

5.00 for full installment

Read Part One here!

False Immunity- Hiei x Fem Reader Drabble Series

Where Hiei learns the ins and out of human courtship. (NSFW)

Find Part One-Six on my masterlist here! 5.00 for full installment

Multichap Fics-

Flawed Hope- Astarion x OC (BG3)

Brit was a paralegal, someone who had a normal life and enjoyed what she did for the most part. Yet, the only true excitement she felt lately was when she played Baldur's Gate Three. A simple video game brought her more joy than her friends or fleeting romances. One night as depression crushes her she wishes to live one day in BG3. Her wish is granted, however the world of BG3 needs her far longer than her wish had originally intended. And the worst part? She does not get along with her favorite vampire in the slightest. (NSFW)

Read the first four chaps here! WC: 1961/4000

Falling for Frogs- Sebastian x Fem Reader (SDV)

You are game developer about to make their debut into the market. The world you are about to venture into isn't exactly friendly to those of the feminine persuasion and as such you have flown under the radar using a masculine alias online. After a complete mental break down at a very important convention in Zuzu you realize you need to get away from the city for a bit so you can finish your game. Your best friend who runs a farm in Stardew Valley invites you to come stay with her. However as you stay there and get to know the locals, you realize the cute boy you saw at the con is her neighbor. What's even worse is he remembers you and just to add salt to the wound, he's one of your Kickstarters. (NSFW) WC: 309/3000

Read the first three chaps here!

The Unseen and Those Forgotten- Dabi x Fem Reader (BNHA)

The age of the Greek gods is long past. Dabi is one of the few left, his name in the ancient days had been Hades. Now he skulks among the humans, as a deity at half strength. With the old gods dying, the new ones have taken control of the humans’ feeble minds. There is a storm on the horizon though, quite literally, the end of days is nipping at mortality’s heels and the key to unlocking Kronos’s resting place, the only creature strong enough to put a stop to the apocalypse, is you. Sadly you have no idea what part you will play, after all, you are just an office worker who has an affinity for plants.... WC: 0/2000

Find the first three chaps on my masterlist here!

The Hellebore Rift- Hayato Suo x Fem Reader (Wind Breaker)

The town of Makochi has changed and so have all the gangs within it. Gone are the days of allies and rival schools. Gone are the days of delinquents battling for top spots and coming home with happy smiles from good fist fights. Now the world has been ripped apart by rifts that tear the very dimensions in two, spewing forth gigantic blood-thirsty monsters. It has forced the gangs to protect only their parts of town from everyone. Even the civilians, even those they once called friends. With those rifts and monsters, humans were gifted with powers, yet everything good always comes with a fall out. You are one of those few, blessed with the ability to Guide, to save those Espers from the toxicity that their own powers created within themselves when they protect their parts of town. You live in a small section Makochi outside any of the gangs control with a scant few Espers to call your own… or well you did until the day Hayato Suo found you. WC 313/2000

(Chapter one just started)

Oneshots-

Dog Park with Megumi (no title yet)- You don't have dogs but you find yourself at the dog park everyday because you can't have pets. That's where you meet Megumi Fushiguro (NSFW)WC: 0/15000

A Bouquet of Deadly Thorns- Hanahaki Soulmate Gojo x Fem Reader

The world now is riddled with the phenomenon known as soulmates. You don't know yours but before you can even think about finding them, you must get rid of your growing feelings for Satoru Gojo, the only problem is they've grown suffocating and you've started coughing up blood and flower petals. (NSFW) WC: 3098/8000

Tetsuro Kuroo bar night (no title yet)- The first night you meet Kuroo he was celebrating with his friends who'd just won their volley ball game. You were drinking away your sorrows yet again from another shitty date. Fate had a funny way of making you forget things when he gets dared to make a move on you. (NSFW) WC: 0/10,000

My name in your mouth- Professional Poker Player!Suo Hayato x CardShark Fem!Reader Suo Hayato is well known in the gambling circuit, he strikes fear in all his opponents. Terrified that they will lose all the winnings and perhaps even worse to him. You however are a dark horse, a rising star lurking in the shadows among the tables, and you have the arrogance to back it up. You take Suo on and surprise him in more ways then one. But he's desperate to wrest back control from you and the rising sexual tension between the two of you gives him the perfect excuse. (NSFW) WC: 0/7000

Single Drabbles- 5.00 for a full drabble

Jo Togame festival day (sfw) - Link

Jo Togame the baths (NSFW) - Link

Nobara/fem! reader (jjk) (NSFW) shopping day, in the dressing room

Himuro tatsuya/male! reader (knb) (NSFW) pining, street ball rivals

Seishiro Nagi/gn!reader (blue lock) (SPICEY (not full nsfw)) comfort, lazy day, reuniting after long distance for a while

Sebastain/fem! reader (SDV) (nsfw) phone sex

Astarion/male!reader (BG3) (NSFW) dry humping, semi public sex Suo Hayato/fem!reader (wind breaker)(NSFW) overstimulation

[shadowcanine]

a deep dive into love has won.

before we begin, i’d like to make a disclaimer:

what i did is extremely dangerous, and i do not recommend anybody else taking the steps i did. cults are extremely damaging, and inherently designed to isolate and, in turn, control you. under no circumstances should you seek a cult out for the purpose of ‘’getting in” like i did. i did this purely for informational and research purposes; i know how to keep myself safe and differentiate reality from delusion. do not do what i did. if you made it past the disclaimer, hi :) as always, information will be under the cut. this post is purely for research and educational purposes, and is also extremely long- you’ve been warned.

It's November 30th, 1975. Somewhere in a small town in Kansas, Amy Carlson is born. Her parents divorced when she was young, and she now spends her time inbetween their homes. This didn't stop her success though, as throughout her childhood and teenage years, she was a good student- primarily earning A's and B's. She even worked at McDonald's, where she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, eventually managing her own location. Her employees would describe her as a ''great leader'' and very kind. She would do her best to accommodate them and their needs during her time with McDonald's.

Amy would go on to have 3 children, each with a different father. Her ability to achieve and maintain healthy relationships was lackluster at best, with majority of her relationships ending with claims of abuse or romantic neglect in one way or another.

Somewhere during the mid 2000's, Amy does shrooms. In her words, this was to ''see what all the hype was about.'' She then began to question if this is what the world really was like- and if so, who stole this reality from her?

It's also during this time that Amy develops an interest in ''New Age'' philosophy (New Age refers to a range of spiritual or religious practices of beliefs- it gained it's popularity in America during the 1970's. It's hard to explain what exactly it is, as the entire belief system is quite jumbled and confusing. Imagine closing your eyes while somebody blends a bunch of food, and you're supposed to name everything in the blender. It's essentially impossible.)

During this time, Amy becomes very active on the website ''lightworkers.org'' it was on this website she met ''Amerith WhiteEagle'' who convinces Amy that she is divine; shortly after this, Amy begins to claim to experience paranormal experiences- most notably was a voice telling her she would ‘’one day be President of the United States’’.

It’s late 2007 now, and Amy wastes no time in leaving her third husband, children, and job. She cuts off majority of her family, and proceeds to meet ''WhiteEagle'' in Colorado. It only gets worse from here.

After meeting WhiteEagle in person, him and Amy form a group (or. more accurately, a duo) together. They call themselves the ''Galactic Federation of Light'' (or GFOL). Their first video is posted to YouTube in 2009. They lead this group under the names of ''Mother God'' and ''Father God.'' Most of these videos discussed outlandish topics, starships being an example- and one of the core ‘’beliefs’’ of Love Has Won / GFOL.

The group would then gain their first follower- Miguel Lamboy. It's 2014, and for whatever reason, WhteEagle and Carlson split. Apparently, WhiteEagle had left for another ‘’lightworker’’ he recruited from New York- and Carlson went on to join with Miguel. Miguel was now in charge of the financial aspect of the group, as well as budgeting.

2014 is also when the group really begins to gain momentum, credits of the internet. The group would regularly hop between Colorado, Oregon, California, and Florida between 2014-2018. They eventually settled in Moffat, CO. A quaint small town, where the group claimed to feel ‘’more connected’’ to the Earth. WhiteEagle and Miguel were not the only ‘’Father Gods’’, though- with a long line behind them. Amy was described by ex-members as ‘’never going more than two minutes without a ‘’Father God.’’ ‘’ Jason Castillo would become the final ‘’Father God’’ in 2018.

The group now had between twelve and twenty full-time members who lived with Carlson in Crestone, CO. Crestone has been described by locals as a place where the ‘’veil is thin’’ (ie, you’re closer to the universe there). The team would livestream daily, usually on Youtube, to accomplish their ‘’goals’’. The goals for these livestreams were as follows:

• Recruit more members.

• Encourage and solicit donations.

• Promote ‘’New Age’’ products, as well as vitamin supplements.

The team of Love Has Won regularly advertised something called ‘’etheric surgery’’. It cost $88 per person, and could allegedly ‘’remove sickness’’ and ‘’negative energy’’ from the body. They also sold *colloidal silver, which they claimed could cure COVID-19. (Colloidal silver is known for turning a users skin a ‘’blue-gray’’ tint if consumed in excess. This is called Argyria, and while on it’s own isn’t a major health problem, it doesn’t go away- even if you stop consumption of the silver.*)

Love Has Won would also use these livestreams to push their beliefs. The main belief was that Amy Carlson was the 534th incarnation of Mother God. They believed she was a deity, destined to lead exactly 144,000 believers out of the ‘’superficial reality’’ present in the ‘’3D-world’’ and into a ‘’fifth-dimensional plane of higher existence’’. Amy, believing she was an incarnation, was also apparently quite a few people in her past lives. These are some of the people:

• Mother Earth

• Gaia

• Cleopatra

• Jesus Christ of Nazareth

• Joan of Arc

• Harriet Tubman

• Helena Blavatsky

• Marilyn Monroe

• The mother of Elvis Presley

Amy claimed to have full memory of these past lives, including Jesus�� crucifixion. Allegedly, she could also ‘’produce miracles, kind of like Jesus.’’

In order to accomplish her goals of leading believers out of 3D world, Amy claimed she needed to communicate with ‘’The Galactics.’’

The Galactics were an ‘’etheric team’’ of spiritual ambassadors, largely made up of celebrities who have died. This team included Robin Williams (the main ambassador), Patrick Swayze, John Lennon (the command of the main starship), Whitney Houston, Prince, Steve Irwin, Carrie Fisher, Rodney Dangerfield, Tupac Shakur, Chris Farley, David Bowie, Gene Wilder, and Michael Jackson. Among this etheric team were also the still alive Donald Trump and Carol Burnett. Amy claimed the Count of St. Germain was also helping her.

One of the stories Amy frequently told was one of her ‘’past.’’ In this past, she lived in Lemuria (a continent proposed in 1864, which was theorized to have sank beneath the Indian Ocean) and Trump was her father. An obscure technology existed, but the details of what this item did are unclear. The theft of this item, however, caused an ‘’explosion that sank Atlantis.’’ While Amy (Mother God) was able to save the technology, she was not fully ready to ascend to the ‘’fifth-dimension’’ because humanity was not ready. As a result, she ‘’continued to return to Earth in human form.’’

The original LoveHasWon website was removed, but while it was still up, it claimed that Amy was a ‘’spritiual surgeon.’’ She would work ‘’multidimensionally’’ to operate on people’s bodies and cure whatever they may be suffering with. Allegedly, Amy the (former) McDonald’s Manager, had cured cancer, Lyme disease, addiction, suicidal thoughts, removed brain tumors, and ‘’cured’’ Autism. What a portfolio.

Now, before we move on, it’s time for the good part of this post. In an effort to make the most accurate and in-depth Love Has Won post, I came to the conclusion that the best way to get into the minds of these individuals was to let them into mine. As such, I spent a few days posing as an interested ‘’recruit.’’ This included partaking in multiple video calls with the team, participating in livestreams, and researching their ‘’sources.’’ If you’d like a simple answer; yes, I did ‘’join’’ a cult to make a Tumblr post about it.

It’s also worth mentioning that even though my involvement with this group was fairly surface level, it has kind of fucked with my head a bit. I feel extremely negatively about these individuals, and the interview was a shit show marketing tactic clearly geared to seek out mentally ill individuals in order to manipulate them into joining. I’ve attempted to make this section as informative as possible, but the actual phone call was incredibly confusing. I promise I’m doing the best I can in this regard- there’s only so many ways you can turn pure propaganda into an informative piece. The chamber is spun dry. Regardless, here’s a detailed description of the phone call- as well as some thoughts I simply couldn’t hold back regarding it.

The interview itself was pretty confusing, starting off with who we’ll call ‘’Moon’’ calling me out of nowhere at 11:38PM. It was a video call, and while my webcam was on, the room was dimly lit. Moon insisted I turn on a light, and upon me doing so, said I was ‘’beautifully made by Mother and Father of all creation.’’ It was extremely uncomfortable. The call then progressed with Moon asking me how I ‘’discovered’’ ‘Mother’’ and ‘’Father’’ God. I told her I discovered them through the HBO doc, and claimed their ‘’message really resonated with me.’’ This would open the door to the most uncomfortable hour and a half phone call I have ever had.

‘’Moon’’ went on to explain how the group’s main focus is ‘’coming home’’ which refers to being in the physical presence of ‘’Mother and Father.’’ I said ‘’wow, that’s really awesome!’’ and I was then informed that ‘’Father’’ had actually created the word ‘’awesome’’ by combining ‘’awe’’ and ‘’sum’’ to describe ‘’Mother.’’

(After the interview, it was pointed out to me that this may be referring to being in a ‘’state of awe’’, and considering this is a cult we’re talking about, I have reason to believe that suggestion is correct.)

‘’Coming home’’ does not just refer to being in their physical presence, however, as it also apparently about exploring our talents and skills, and where ‘’energy is the greatest.’’ I won’t put you all through the mental gymnastics I had to do to figure out what this all meant, so I’ll explain it like this:

Imagine you volunteer at a soup kitchen. It’s a good deed, and it helps your community, but does it help anybody outside of your town? No. You volunteering at a soup kitchen will not create a ‘’ripple affect’’ of energy. ‘’Coming home’’, however, will. Because being in the physical presence of ‘’Mother’’ and ‘’Father’’ is where positive energy is abundant, it will allegedly flow out of ‘’home’’ and to the rest of the world. This is essentially Love Has Won weaponizing a savior complex, with the implications being the world cannot be happy, or positive, or good, if you yourself do not ‘’come home.’’

I was also informed that during the filming of HBO’s documentary ‘’Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God’’, Love Has Won attempted to get the crew to stay with them for three months. They wanted them to ‘’see the miracles in action’’ and believing anybody who came into contact with Mother and Father would immediately know they were ‘’god,’’ they deemed it important to have HBO stay. HBO did not- instead staying for 2 ½ days to wrap up interviews and research before leaving.

My contact, Moon, also told me that she had been interviewed by HBO, though her clips were cut from the documentary. The only image of her in the documentary is a photo where she’s in the background, and only the back of her is visible. Moon claims to not know why she was cut from the documentary, theorizing it was done for one of the following reasons (taken directly from the interview and unedited):

‘’News are all about selling fear. Media is all about selling fear and anger. Mother and Father are about evolving from our past lives into this life- this life is our last lifetime to recognize mom and dad. Through the souls journey of a culmination of experiences and conditioning, it leads them to mom and dad. If a person is unable to accept constructive feedback from Mother and Father, they leave.’’

So, not really an answer to me asking why she was cut from the documentary, but beggars can’t be choosers I suppose. My personal belief is that she was too into it to be in the documentary. Everybody else interviewed, with the exception of Father God, had left the cult. Moon had not, and I’m not sure if pure cult propaganda is what HBO wants on their network.

Moon also shared with me that she had lived with Mother and Father for quite some time, before and after the ‘’ascension.’’ She had to return to Asia to ‘’finish up some stuff’’ but did not elaborate on what ‘’stuff’’ was. She plans to return ‘’home’’ when she is able to do so.

I did my best to press Moon into giving me a concise answer about what exactly Love Has Won believes in, but she herself seemed confused on what exactly that entailed. She didn’t elaborate on many points, but I’ll do my best to explain what I was told.

Love Has Won believes that ‘’Mother’’ and ‘’Father’’ are here to provide us with joy, abundance, and health. They can heal anything, and have created everything. They are strictly against-hate, and believe humanity cannot progress via literature alone. We must go out and experience things, as experiences are what raise the soul ‘’higher and higher.’’

I also did ask about the 2020 Hawaii incident*, and opinions on it seem to be jumbled. Some members were angry, but some just believed it was a waste of time.

*(In August of 2020, LHW briefly relocated to Hawaii, specifically the island of Kauai. They believed they needed to be in Hawaii in order for Mother God to ascend. They were met with extreme backlash from locals after Amy claimed to be the Hawaiian volcano goddess Pele. Protests outside of the home was LHW was in lasted for days, and included protesters lighting driftwood fires and chanting Hawaiian prayers around the home. Video footage provided showed eggs and rocks being thrown at the rented home, as well as the windows of the home and SUV parked in the driveway being broken in. Kauai’s mayor, Derek Kawakami, negotiated with Love Has Won to depart the island. They flew to Kahului Airport on Maiu, and in September of 2020, the group returned to Colorado.)

As of 2024, Love Has Won believes the protests in Hawaii were ‘’pointless’’ stating during the interview:

‘’If you don’t believe Mother God is who she says, why don’t you just ignore us? Why attack us?’’

I was also informed that their ‘’teachings’’ can be found through their songs on YouTube, but upon investigation, most of these songs are just covers. Very few of them are original work, and, as such, very few contain any sort of meaningful information regarding the groups teachings.

I was then asked by Moon why people hated Jesus, which seemed redundant to the conversation. I’d include context as to why I was asked this, but there isn’t any. She just randomly said it. The conversation is as follows:

Moon: ‘’Why did people hate Jesus?’’

‘’Huh?’’

Moon: ‘’Do you know why?’’

‘’They hated Jesus because he spoke the truth?’’

Moon: ‘’Exactly. They couldn’t- they couldn’t fathom that Jesus could heal on the spot, and that’s what Mom and Dad are- they can heal a person on the spot.’’

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I had previously made an excuse that my memory was bad, and asked if I could take notes. During the end of the interview, I apologized again for the typing sounds and how many notes I had to take, saying, ‘’I’m a bit stupid, sorry.’’ Moon replied with an incredibly off-putting statement, but had to quickly after to start her day.

‘’You are beautifully, beautifully crafted by Mom and Dad.’’

Now, as you’re reading this, it may be hard to understand how exactly Love Has Won is a cult. Sure, they’re clearly unstable, but is it really a cult? To answer that, you have to know what a cult is. This section is mildly lengthy, and while I’m sure many of you have the knowledge to understand this is a cult, some may still be confused or feeling unsure.

Cult Education Institute has a list of warning signs, which we’ll be going over and explaining how each one applies to Love Has won, and therefore proving it is, indeed, a cult.

Some warning signs of a potentially unsafe group/leader are the following:

1. Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.

Love Has Won, specifically Amy Carlson, is known for their lack out of accountability. If any members were to speak up about these things, it created an unsafe environment for the rest of them. There’s one instance of ‘’Father God’’ locking members outside in the Colorado winter, and taking away their heater. This is because they ‘’disrespected Mother.’’

2. No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.

Members of Love Has Won are expected to fully accept Mother and Father god as the creators of everything- those who start to question whether or not this is real are kicked from the group, and told to ‘’come back when they know better.’’

3. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.

Miguel Lamboy was the sole member in charge of finances. Other members never saw this money, but were expected to constantly contribute to the costs and living expenses of the group. Members were not allowed to use their own money to buy food for two main reasons.

a) Food would clog your body, preventing you from absorbing the teachings of Mother and receiving her energy.

b) Members buying food instead of donating meant less money for the group overall, which was a concept Father and Mother couldn’t stomach.

4. Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil concspiracies and persecution.

Love Has Won views those who hold disdain to Mother and Father, or those who refuse to accept them as the Creators of Everything, as ‘’whores.’’ They believe these people were trying to prevent Amy’s ascension, which, in their eyes, is considered persecution.

5. There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.

In the interview, Moon stated that the only people to leave the team were those incapable of accepting constructive criticism. They were ‘’blinded by hate’’ and unable to ‘’get over themselves’’ and accept Mother and Father’s criticism.

6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similiar pattern of grievances.

Nearly every ex-member of Love Has Won tells the same story;

‘’Mother God’’ was constantly drunk or high, or some combination of the two. Nights would be spent listening to domestic disputes between Mother and Father, and watching Mother hit Father on numerous occasions. All members share a pattern of claiming financial manipulation and abuse at the hands of Love Has Won. They were not allowed to use their money on themselves, and were pressured into giving what money they did have back into the cult.

7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.

Love Has Won - Jason (Father God)’s Abusive Side

Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God

I was in LHW in 2018 - parts one and two.

Love Has Won Members Defending Cat Abuse

8. Followers feel they can never be ‘’good enough’’.

Members share similar claims of doing anything they could to have the chance to be close to ‘’Mother God.’’ One ex-member, Hope, would clean the house from top to bottom- everyday. The only acknowledgement she got from this was an offhanded comment Amy made to a friend. They constantly try to do everything they can to be in her good graces; waiting on her every beckon call, allowing her to do nothing while they handle everything, etc.

9. The group/leader is always right.

Questioning ‘’Mother God’’ would result in being screamed at, or, as it happened to a group of members, locked outside in the Colorado winter all night with no heater. If you were to so much as imply that Amy may not be god, you would be removed from the team and sent on your way- sans any money you may have given, or any resources to help you get home.

10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing ‘’truth’’ or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable of credible.

Team members were encouraged to talk to Amy about any sort of problems they were having, or even any ones that may have occurred during childhood. For all intensive purposes, this would be considered traumabonding- as Amy would help the team through these issues, making them think she was the only one that could help, and then pick them apart if they weren’t ‘’good enough.’’ Love Has Won is anti-therapy, anti-church, and anti-physical-family. Team members were encouraged to rely solely on Mother and Father. If their physical family disagreed with the practices of Love Has Won, the team was told by Miguel to “cut them off or leave.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Okay, but if I’m not in a cult, how do I know if someone else is?”

There’s also a list of warning signs regarding people involved with a potential cult, which we’ll go over so you can compare this list to the actions of Love Has Won members. This is just the list, no more explanation paragraphs about how it’s a cult, don’t worry.

1. Extreme obsessiveness regarding the group/leader resulting in the exclusion of almost every practical consideration.

2. Individual identity, the group, the leader and/or God as distinct and separate categories of existence become increasingly blurred.

(important note: majority of LHW team members were given “godly” names. while in the cult, they went by the “godly” names as opposed to their birth names.)

3. Whenever the group/leader is critized or questioned it is charactered as ‘’persecution’’.

4. Uncharacteristically stilted and seemingly programmed conversation and mannerisms, cloning of the group/leader in personal behavior.

5. Dependency upon the group/leader for problem solving, solutions, and definitions without meaningful reflective thought. A seeming inability to think independent or analyze situations without group/leader involvement.

6. Hyperactivity centered on the group/leader agenda, which seems to supercede any personal goals or individual interests.

7. A dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor.

8. Increasing isolation from family and old friends unless they demonstrate an interest in the group/leader.

9. Anything the group/leader does can be justified no matter how harsh or harmful.

(see: amy’s cat abuse + LHW locking children in closets when they were overwhelmed from the noise of the home)

10. Former followers are at–best considered negative. At worst, evil and under bad influences. They can not be trusted and personal contact is avoided.

In September of 2020, shortly after the group returned to Colorado, it had been stated that Amy was in extremely poor health- being paralyzed from the waist down. Love Has Won still hosted their daily livestreams, but those now included scenes of Amy having to be picked up and carried to bed, unable to walk on her own. According to Amy herself, she had cancer- though it’s not confirmed how accurate this statement is, and autopsy reports make no mention of this claim, or anything alluding to it being true.

In early April of 2021, Love Has Won was located in an RV park in Mount Shasta, CA. They were asked to leave due to overcrowding. In the weeks leading up to her death, numerous wellness checks were called for Amy, usually being called in by her sister, or mother, who would watch the streams. Each time the police arrived to preform these wellness checks, Love Has Won claimed Amy wasn’t home.

Amy was last seen alive by somebody not affiliated with Love Has Won on April 10th, 2021.

Now, it’s worth mentioning that the team of Love Has Won knew Amy was dying- but that’s not how they saw it. Love Has Won was convinced that a starship, piloted by Robin Williams, would come to pick Amy up and take her to ‘’ascend’’ to the 5D plane.

At Amy’s request, the group travelled to Ashland, Oregon- where they stayed at Callahan’s Mountain Lodge. According to two Love Has Won members, Amy had asked to be taken to the hospital, but the team refused, claiming:

‘’Mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about- she would never set foot in a 3D hospital. That’s a death sentence.’’

While in Ashland, Amy lost all motor control, and required around the clock help for daily tasks. At an unknown date, Amy passed away in the room of Callahan’s Mountain Lodge. When staff became suspicious, her body was transported to the Mount Hood National Forest. The group camped there, with ‘’Father God’’ sharing a tent with Amy’s corpse. They were waiting for the ‘’Galactic’’ beings to come and retrieve her body, but ‘’Father God’’ claimed he heard a calling to move her body. As a result, Love Has Won drove her body back to the group’s home in Crestone, Colorado- where Miguel, the one in charge of finances, called the police to report that the group had brought Amy’s body into his home and were staying there without permission.

Amy’s body was found- mummified, and in a sleeping bag. She was wrapped in christmas lights, and her face was covered in glitter. Her eyes were missing due to the decomposition. Police described the findings as a ‘’makeshift shrine.’’

The Galactics never came.

After Amy’s death, an autopsy was done. Her autospy was released in December of 2021, and states her cause of death as the following:

‘’Global decline in the setting of alcohol abuse, anorexia, and chronic colloidal silver ingestion.’’

The autopsy found no proof to substantiate Amy’s claims that she had cancer.

Seven members of Love Has Won would have charges brought against them for child abuse, abuse of a corpse, tampering with deceased human remains, and false imprisonment. If convicted, they would have been facing around 12 years at the lowest. The charges were later dropped for the following reasons:

• It happened in Colorado. In Colorado, you cannot be charged with both ‘’abuse of a corpse’’ and ‘’tampering with deceased human remains’’ if both charges arose from a single incident.

• Amy’s corpse showed no signs of being tampered with in a malicious way- and for being a corpse found in a makeshift shrine, was in decent condition. It’s clear her body was respected after her death.

• The prosecutor told the judge he thought the constitionality would be in question regarding abuse of a corpse involving Carlson’s body decorations.

Despite the house and group’s bank accounts both being in Miguel’s name, he faced no charges. He did, however, empty the bank accounts, totaling $333,000. He has not been heard from by the group since April 28th, 2021, and news outlets have failed to locate him. HBO did locate him, but he refused to participate in the documentary.

Amy Carlson’s remains were returned to her family.

As of 2024, Love Has Won is still active. Father God now claims to share a body with Mother, with some ‘’sources’’ claiming to have seen Mother’s face ‘’on top’’ of Father’s face, and heard them both speaking. They still believe that Mother will return, and are still trying to recruit new team members.

Their website states that they have some pretty ambitious goals. Apparently, Father is asking for donations to build a school where children can learn about their ‘’true’’ parents. He is also asking for donations for a hotel room, with the tagline ‘’RESPECT GOD WITH A HOTEL STAY.’’

On top of these, he plans to build a house for the team to live in. Where he plans to acquire this money? We may never know. After the HBO documentary, they seem to struggle quite a bit with recruitment. Any Google search of their name will bring up hundreds of articles, documentaries, and videos telling you the same thing I am: Love Has Won is a dangerous cult.

They still are very active online, having accounts on nearly every mainstream social media platform- though most have been banned or terminated by site moderators. If you look for it, you’ll find it. Don’t let it find you, though. I’d really rather not see you guys on a documentary six years down the line. Thanks.

Some members never left, though. The group remains active, and most likely will for the foreseeable future. Unless, of course, the starship comes to take them to the fifth dimensional plane.

Overall, it’s a mindfuck. They target people already struggling with addiction, telling them that psychedelics and alcohol are ‘’medicine’’ if used properly. Love Has Won affirms other people’s delusions, and if you know anything about people who suffer from delusions, you know they tend to stick around the people who affirm what they believe.

I think Amy’s story is a bit sad, though. I do believe at some point she realized how wrong she was, but it was too late. The team would convince her she really was Mother God whenever she expressed these thoughts- she did invite her family to come visit her when she was dying. Upon her daughter writing a strongly worded email, Amy simply replied something to the effect of ‘’You look just like me. I love you, feel free to come visit me in Hawaii anytime.’’

None of her family showed up, though. Probably as a direct result of the way she treated them. She abandoned her child, and had minimal contact with her sister and mother. At the end of the day, Amy Carlson was an abusive cult leader at best, but it’s still hard not to mourn who she could have been had she gotten proper help. She begged to go to a hospital, they refused. I think if things would have played out differently in Amy’s first relationship, none of this would have had happened. But hey, what do I know?

Anyways, this post has been really draining for me. It’s taken me three days to write it, and that’s not including the weeks of research I had to do, and the days and nights I had to spend communicating with these lunatics. This post will be queued, so whenever you see this, assume I’m sleeping for the first time in days.

I’d like to make a special thank you to the following people for helping me out with this:

@silliesthumanalive for helping me analyze the transcript of the interview

@goredawg for letting me complain about how exhausting it was, and letting me ramble whenever I found something new out.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading, and I know this was really long- but I’d rather have the information available. I’m sure at least one person will learn something, whether it be about identifying cults, or simply realizing how fucking insane these people were and continue to be.

TLDR; Amy Carlson did shrooms in the early 2000s. Then became convinced she was God, and the reincarnate of hundreds of celebrities. Apparently, managers at McDonalds can become Jesus. Got people to follow her message, and ended up dying as a direct result from the message she spread. Don't join a cult, kids- and don't try to create one, either.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

# I hope none of you guys get kidnapped by the John Lennon starship and taken to the fifth dimensional plane. All complaining on my end aside, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t kind of fun to work on. Thanks for reading! :)

# Also, I apologize for how the text was broken up. Normally I’d keep it somewhat clumped together and just use a divider, but there’s so much text here, I feel like this formatting is significantly easier to digest.

[shit-solkat]

How I personally see x-shippers in the Homestuck Fandom

Based on my perceptions, based on my opinions, based on my expiriences! :] Nothing directed to anyone in particular.

If you have x-ship as your OTP, this is how I see your "category" VERY generally, let's say.

Johnkat / Communism shippers

I don't even ship Johnkat, but y'all are the sweetest people out there?? The chillest people ever. Like, if they asked me with what shipper I would spend ten hours trip with, it'd be a Johnkat shipper.

Davejade / Spacetime shippers

LITERALLY the same as Johnkat, but y'all are also so fucking talented too?? Any art skill possible (traditional, digital, animation, 3D, paper puppet, etc) Y'ALL CAN DO THAT!!! How do y'all even exist!? 😭

(Btw, yes, you're chill too, but a lil less than Johnkat shippers)

Dirkjake / Pumpkin shippers

Annoying.

You're annoying.

There are two types of Pumpkin shippers though.

Type 1: less annoying. You like toxic yaoi, you recognize they're in a toxic relationship and I can respect you.

Type 2: "toxic yaoiiii 🤪🤪🤪" but when someone points out the actual toxicity of Dirkjake those shippers will come after their ass.

Rosekan / Rosemary shippers

Hard to find people who have Rosemary as primary ship, since they're established in canon, so people ship them in the background because it makes sense and they're actually a thing.

BUT I am convinced the primary Rosemary shippers aren't rare at all, I think they simply don't use socials as much as other HS fans. So they're normal, basically.

Solkat / MUTANT2 shippers

I won't count myself because 1- I'm not so pretentious, 2- I don't think I act like the average MUTANT2 shipper AT ALL!!!

The average: Some Dude™. Yes, even the girls act like Some Dude™.

Weirdly, most of them don't know Fandom culture that well. Maybe cuz they're all Some Dudes™.

Erifef / Make a wwis)( shippers

They do not deny what happened in the comic, they just ignore it. And somehow they are able to ignore it even when someone points out what happens in the comic.

"But Eridan killed Feferi." "Ok *not listening*"

Y'all are in a constant Zen State after years of meditation and acception, probably.

Nepfef / Octopussy shippers

"FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF NOTHING BAD HAPPENED FLUFF FLUFF FUNNY 2000 MEME FLUFF"

"But Nepeta and Feferi died-"

"FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF FUNNY CAT RAINBOW VIDEO AH AH PUSSY FISH FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF"

Davekat shippers

No.

Go read the comic.

Karezi / Adorabloodthirsty(?) shippers

Y'all died??? I SUPPOSE you all were too annoyed with canon and Hussie to actually care to continue reading, or stay in the Fandom. Or I can't explain how y'all literally imploded and disappeared.

Daverose / Dersecest shippers

Same as Karezi, but I can see you every now and then reblog stuff, mostly due archive reasons.

Johnvris / Spider8reath shippers

Their personality is a mix between John and Vriska's. That's the only way I can explain it.

Equinep / Meowrails shippers

Same as Rosemary for the first part, but there are more people loving Meowrails as their OTP. And those fans usually are the sweet & respectful memes side. Their pages often feel like an Internet Checkpoint where to rest and see cute and mindlessly funny stuff for a moment.

Please, never leave the Fandom.

Some of y'all are dumb af tho.

Vrisrezi / Scourge sisters shippers

The ship isn't bad and it makes sense even, the shippers, on the other hand, have to chill the fuck out and actually read the comic and not only the second part of Act 6 or, worse, from the Epilogues and on.

Katnep / Katnip shippers

You all just wish the best for Nepeta. That's like your whole personality in the Fandom. Nepeta deserved a better treatment. The end.

Vrisfef / Spider8each shippers

Never met a Spider8each shipper who isn't obsessed with Spider8each like I'm obsessed with MUTANT2. You make EVERYTHING about them; every and all quadrants; every and all situations. You WILL scream "THEM!!!"

Any Dancestor x Dancestor shipper

You care too much about the Dancestors, but your real problem is that you're annoying. And probably also 15 too.

Any Ancestor x Ancestor shipper

You're a rare breed. A really special and important one. I love you. You're my parent now.

Summonfang / Summoning the 8ooty shippers

What I've said before, except that you're actually not my parent, but my annoying little cousin.

Spades Slick x Karkat / Bloodsworn shippers

I love you. If you exist (I've seen only a couple of people), just know that you're right, always, you're cooking, keep going, I love you. Also you make the sexiest scenarios.

Davejohn / Pepsicola shippers

Most normal people in the world. Not in the "chill person" way like Communism shippers or "Some Dude" way like MUTANT2 shippers.

You're normal. Average even. You could be called "annoying" at times, for making jokes like "red and blue = pepsicola ah ah", but it's just a joke you make sometimes, in the most normal way. You're normal. You're ok.

Beta OT4 shippers

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: I apologize to DirkJake shippers. DaveShitKat shippers are definitely far far far far far far far far far far far more annoying.

[velvetvexations]

A manga called Murcielago!

It's good if you like grindhouse stuff but I have to give a fairly big warning that it's filled with gore and a lot of problamatic sex stuff.

For aesthetic I follow the tags #90s anime, #webcore, #dark academia, #early 2000s, #old internet, and #rawring 20s.

Some of my favorite blogs, with a CW that some of these may have lowish level gore on their front pages:

@arcadebroke

@brokenightlight

@ryogas

@warakami

@y2klostandfound

@psyberdevil

@ang3lcak3s

@evapilot1

@catboyposer

@windsorskyline

@kanataueda

@gateway-2000

@anxietybitchh

@foulfairy666

@witchrealms

@mnemosinesdaughter

@jdsgothwife

@cloudbot

@johnnywooh

@1gm

@p0is0ngirlx

@cledaydog

Trans men are a lot less invisible, though relatively invisible in comparison to transfems still, I'd say. Of course, it must always be stressed that neither is better or worse.

[piosplayhouse]

Niche fandom happenings to take your mind after whatever stuffs happening in your fandom:

So as you can probably deduce, the model horse collecting hobby is made up mostly of older people. The hobby has been well established since the dawn of the Internet and I've talked a few times about how it's difficult to find some older resources about it/its history because of how every other link you click on which used to lead to a hobbyist artist's angelfire blog now is just a dead link or worse, bought out by some ad company sitting on the URL. Up until recently, a huge portion of hobby talk still relied on now-defunct Yahoo groups; now most have moved to either forums like Model Horse Blab or private Facebook groups. Individually most of these are pretty decentralized, but since model collecting by nature is a hobby that requires a significant amount of financial interaction (buying, trading, selling, commissioning, etc.), there has to be some kind of centralized marketplace for people to pitch their goods to as many corners of the hobby as possible.

Enter Model Horse Sales Pages (MH$P), a, well, site where people can post sales pages for model horses and accessories. It's an old fashioned sales pages site from the 2000s with a somewhat shitty layout but unparalleled detailed search functions-- to order things from a seller, you'd have to personally email them to negotiate for their listing. Though this seems somewhat inconvenient to our modern senses used to one click payments and speedy delivery, MH$P is undoubtedly a pillar of the model horse community.

... So that's why people are scrambling as it's allegedly been hacked and taken down for the foreseeable future. Worrying about personal information aside, now fans are left to wonder: what's the alternative? Well, the first one is of course eBay, which many hobbyists already use. However, eBay is obviously less catered to model horse hobbyists and is therefore a bit harder to search if you're deep in the hobby and can't be assed to look through 4000 "plastic horse" titled listings to find the 2008 SR glossy xX Devilish Girlfriend++ Thoroughbred you want. MH$P occupied a specific niche for long time fans looking for grails.

So what are our alternatives for people in the hobby looking to buy from others in the hobby? Well, there's a few decentralized official dealers like Chelsea's Model Horses or Triple Mountain who you can consign older models to, but going through a middleman takes time and you have much less freedom in your personal listings. Alternatively, you could go grassroots and post listings in Facebook groups and on forums, but those have reaches limited to the members of those specific, often small, groups, and it can be hard to move stock that way. So now people are looking for a backup marketplace platform, both for the current situation and longtime health of the hobby. But imagine my surprise when I went on Model Horse Blab and saw people suggesting an alternative site kickstarted by

STAR STABLE ONLINE YOUTUBER DENIS/DENISE WISESTORM. Denis has been a controversial figure in the SSO fandom (though there's pretty much no uncontroversial ssotubers especially on ssoblr because clickbaiting and weird reactionary takes are like the bread and butter of that side of the fandom) who's been called out for having some alt-right homophobic views in the past, as well as for his abject and unproductive negativity towards improvements made on the game. He's a lps customizer and pretty prolific breyer collector, though, so his drive to create a model trading and selling platform makes sense at least. But still! Why him!!!!!!

[oblivious-aro]

Would you actually recommend Danny Phantom to anyone you know that hasn't seen it, and why? (both real people and hypothetical internet strangers alike)

Mmmmm probably not. Maybe a hypothetical internet stranger/friend who likes Fairly Odd Parents (the two shows have nearly identical flaws and strong points), or who would enjoy some specific concepts (my interest in the show definitely comes from having receptors in my brain shaped likes ghosts and super-power-slice-of-life-dramedy).

DP is one of those shows with a lot of good ideas, but as it went on those ideas tended to get neglected in favour of more tropey 2000s and superhero plots that aren't written very tightly (many people theorize this was due to more creative control shifting to the show's creator, Butch Hartman, who's work had historically perfomed worse when he was given more control over them. Maybe also some weird budget stuff).

If I had to pitch the show to someone, I'd say the main selling points would be the core concept of a half-ghost teenager who fights ghosts, which is very creative idea that they do interesting things with, and also the humour. DP's strongest selling point is that it's very funny:

"You're toast!" "Oh yeah? You and what toaster?"

“Why? So you can go back to stumbling through your adolescence, desperately trying to get control of your powers? Powers, by the way, that I've had for twenty years. I have experience, my child. And the money and power attained through using those powers for personal gain, you see. I could train you, teach you everything I know. And all you'd have to do, is renounce your idiot father!” “Dude, you are one seriously crazed-up fruit loop. That is never going to happen.”

"Yeah, yeah, very scary. The fake horse is pretty neat though. What's it made out of, flaming bedsheets?" "Flaming bedsheets of DEATH!"

"That's the ghost from the zoo!" "Danny?" "No, the other guy!"

(Looking at a floating glowing TV remote)"Do...all your remotes do that?" "No! Well, my toaster does, but it's from Denmark."

The caveats that ultimately keep me from recommending it are the frustration of watching the show decline and bungle really cool concepts, and that it's also one of those casually racist and sexist 2000s Nicktoons.

Why would you write your chatcters saying this unironically? Why... why would you do that?

The misogyny isn't always that blatant, but it is constantly felt with the way the two most prominent female characters are written (Sam frequently acts as a Hemione Granger, while Maddie is constantly has to deal with her Idiot Husband's screw ups).

And the show does occasionally hit you with stuff like this:

The racist stereotypes felt like less of a constant than the misogynistic aspects, but the show leans pretty hard into them when they do pop up.

Again, if you're familiar with Fairly Odd Parents, the two shows are pretty similar in that regard (Also seemed to be a problem in the two episodes of TUFF Puppy I've seen, specifically with the lead female character. Butch Hartman kind of sucks). Very funny shows with interesting concepts that leaned pretty hard into some stereotypes that were rough at the time, and only got worse as the shows aged.

I wouldn't necessarily disreccomend DP, but I don't tend to reccomend things unless the flaws are easy to get over, and DP is not one of those shows.

[murdleandmarot]

9, 8, 2, 20 :3

Sorry this took a while to get to 😭😭😭 I was making unwise financial decisions in a book store

Hi hello!!!!!!!

2. Favorite Song Character: This is SO HARDDDD UGGHHH…..I love them all so much grrrrrr

I’m gonna narrow this down for myself to songs ABOUT a character, and then go from there, because I could argue with myself about this for hours. Because while Macavity slaps, Macavity would slap. Me. In the face. With his claws.

I’m gonna have to be a lil basic and go with Mistoffelees :). I just….love him lots…..and Tugger is always so fucking excited to sing about his special guy…..

8. Favorite Make-up: Oooo good question……I have a couple favorites (that aren’t from 1998 because let’s be honest I could rant about 1998 makeup forever (even though it’s the most subdued)).

Off of the top of my head, Tugger from Hamburg 1991, Jellylorum from Macskák 2001 I believe? (I think it’s Hungary, either in 2000 or 2001), Skimble and Misto from Mexico’s tours in 2013, Macavity from Buenos Aires and Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from what I THINK is a Canadian tour.

I’ll put pictures of all these guys under the cut, I ADORE the makeup in these shows, and there are a ton more that I didn’t bring up.

9. Favorite song?: Another hard fucking question 😭😭😭 why would you do this to bestie. I don’t think I can pick a favorite, (the only song I actively am not the biggest fan of is journey to the Heavyside layer, and I STILL cry during it).

I think the song I listen to most as an actual SONG, like in my playlist along with fuckin Mitski or Aurora would have to be The Rum Tum Tugger? It’s just easily digestible, a very vibe worthy song, whereas other fun songs like Macavity are very much a moment, yk? (Shoutout to mungo and rumple, because Ive looped their song for weeks at a time (the German version vibes so hard it’s so good)).

20. Did you see cats live? If so, where?:

I fucking DID and I am mad about it TO THIS DAY. I’m SO mad. I’m not gonna reveal the location because that would be very not good and Internet safe™️, but it was at a theater that housed tours of shows, which means I also got to see Jesus Christ Superstar, Hadestown, Hamilton, the like. Thank god my father is a huge theater nerd.

Anyhow, I saw Cats when I was 13, and I remember loving it, and that I picked up on Misto and Tugger immediately.

And that is ALL I remember. WHY? Because not only was I 13, I was coming down from being an Uber-depressed 12 year old, which means there is a year and a half of my life that is almost ENTIRELY gone. Literally could not have picked a worse time to go to see Cats. Every time I’m reminded that I saw Cats live and literally don’t remember it, I throw myself upon the floor in despair.

Makeup stuff under the cut :))

Tugger, Hamburg 1991, Siegmar Tonk, though you won’t find him on the fandom wiki, even though he’s gorgeous and great, because he’s a swing

(Best quality photos, I could take from the beginning of Mistoffelees :)

So, the production on YouTube with the Jellylorum I’m talking about is named ‘Macskák musical 1. felvonás,’ and has a description in what I think is Hungarian? It says it’s from 2001, and was most likely performed in Budapest, Hungary. I can’t find any gallery images on the wiki, or a record of this production, or who plays THIS version of Jelly, or even if that’s her name in this version. Anyhow, this is she

She looks like a lil clown :)) a lil jester. Also why is there a random guy here??? Because in this production they just bring in Hungarian celebrities randomly and it’s especially funny during Skimbleshanks’s numbers because the guy turns up in a suit, and eventually gets more disheveled as the song goes on. Skimbleshanks and him COMMIT though.

Skimbleshanks, Luigi Vidal, Mexico 2013 and Mistoffelees, Orville Alvarado, also Mexico 2013

(Shoutout to Mexico 2013-2015 in general, it just looks rly cool)

Macavity, Diego Jaraz, Buenos Aires 1993

SIR MARRY ME 🫶🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️💍💍💍

Mungojerrie und Rumpleteazer, Canada, actors and time unknown to me 💔(I know SOMEONE literally told me because I ASKED but I don’t REMEMBER mutual if you recognize these guys PLEASE tell me)

@jennyanypenny I THINK IT WAS YOU PLEASE LMK IF YOU KNOW WHO THESE TWO ARE

(honorable mention to ‘98 Pouncival n Macavity)

[ggitty]

(JN anon) My memory is a little hazy but pretty much been there when Jimmy was interrupting other Nicktoons and the airing of those promo shorts. THE ICE CREAM AND FUNKY FRIES. Cereal too. Its own website. There was also a promo during the Kids Choice Awards for the huge reception to the movie and marketing the show; which was thankfully uploaded. Another I remembered was that they had Jimmy, Carl and Sheen commentating over several episodes as a lead-up to the movie airing on the network, which they also talk over. Only the latter is archived sadly. (Long story short, it wasn't simply "3 seasons and a movie", those are just the easiest things to obtain from the series now. You got to search for everything else.)

The movie was basically like an indie studio who had just started its foundation vs two of the biggest entertainment giants and was good enough to be nominated with them. Didn't win but it was an accomplishment in itself for them to be noticed. (Fun fact: The winning animation for it does exist and has been uploaded; apparently it along with Shrek and Monsters Inc. submitted both winning and losing animations for the Oscars.)

*nods* It was very smart on their part to reuse movie assets with tweaks here and there for the show to save on resources. (Like, it's very easy to tell TV budget vs Movie budget when it comes to shows and can be distracting or determining factor for some) Some things from the 2000s have aged worse; Jimmy now just looks like the WIP of a current series that hasn't added the finishing polishes yet. (Which is a pretty good leg to stand on compared to certain "Baby's first CG" I've seen.)

It had started out as "Nickverse" on Roblox and they had certain Nick characters playable. Then I believe they changed it to just Spongebob and TMNT. (Strangely, they had some Jimmy and Danny Phantom accessories drop not to long ago) There was also the now defunct "Pixel Town", that never released outside of Asia. (How ironic that this is where the OG Unite gang reunite. *stares at All-Star Brawl*)

Yeah, animation in general isn't a good place right now. Here's hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel for that industry. (I will give Nick credit for trying to get stuff out that Paramount and Netflix dropped long enough for fans to legally get it then archive immediately.)

I remember when that show first aired, I couldn't quite place why [inwardly] it felt different from the original show back then. But then I remember Barnyard; more the show than the movie, and it kinda clicks. Planet Sheen's vibe felt like Barnyard with a Jimmy Neutron skin, but it couldn't quite get away with it. (Even Sheen himself felt like something about him was missing. While I agree with the writer that said Sheen is a character that works better in short bursts, it didn't help that some characters had the same problem)

I will laugh if they do just make it Sheen's fanfiction in a reboot. But, also knowing Jimmy Neutron, they likely would toss in a "maybe it did happen, you'll never fully know though". (*cue Nesmith being at a zoo and Sheen doesn't know him, but can't place why he looks familiar*)

Funnily enough, *the "A New Wish" crew said if they get a 2nd season and had the 'ok' for it, they're not against the idea of doing another Power Hour with Jimmy. (Would be hilarious if this is used as a stealth test for a Jimmy reboot.) *Source is KTLA 5 news, if curious. They were promoting the premiere on Netflix.

The show has been smart in the way it did things that I feel it could handle that with grace without losing much of its charm. (As far as characters, there's really one I could see not coming back period without some overhaul being made.)

OH GOSH SORRY I JUST SAW THAT THIS WAS IN THE DRAFTS INSTEAD OF POST

Yeah, I saw a lot of this while I was surfing the internet archives and sites ( apparently trying to absorb all the media I can lol) But it was still a reveal when I found out about it a few years ago, you should have seen my reaction when I found out about the promo prequel shorts to the movie lol

I'm still giggling a bit at the fact that the movie was nominated, but nevertheless, an achievement is an achievement

Yeah, I mean the show doesn't age half as bad as people say it is!

(the whole art field is not in a good place right now, I live and breathe it, and now its feels like a sharp breath)

Haha, “Barnyard with a Jimmy Neutron skin” is a pretty accurate comparison from what I remember of Barnyard. I honestly never thought about the connection, but now I remember that they were really made by the same studio and maybe the “vibes” from one project could migrate to the other along with the people who worked on it

Oh I heard about it. Like, I really like New Wish and I see that the authors really approached the “soft reboot” with great care and attention and I will always appreciate them for that! But uh this crossover thing will probably always going to give me an odd feeling in guts lol

I hope so! (and yes some things need to be reworked lol)

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

So…

//Handily before anyone else brings it up I just received the news that Warner Bros studios have made the decision to shut down Rooster Teeth after 2 decades of that company being around. And I figured I’d bring it up before anyone else did.

//The timing feels all too…perfect? Weird? Convenient? It’s hard to put words on it, but it seems strangely coincidental that I started finally showing off my Death Battle related content and the company that owns Death Battle are now getting shut down, which means Death Battle may not even continue.

//Theres something funny about that, but also something so miserable. Obviously DB hasn’t been mentioned in the list of Rooster Teeth’s shows as of yet. All that’s been said is RWBY, GenLock and Red Vs Blue are going to be up for sale.

//Considering Death Battle first started as a simple internet web series by ScrewAttack, I’m pretty confident that Ben, Chad and the others involved with it will find a way to persist. And let’s be perfectly honest. If they don’t continue Death Battle, somebody else will.

//As for Rooster Teeth itself, I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it’s no secret to anybody that the things that have happened with that company are all kinds of fucked up. Back when it first got founded, people connected because it felt like they were doing things right as an indie company, and as time went on and RT got bigger, it just got worse. I obviously won’t recount those horror stories, but suffice to say that I personally don’t like Rooster Teeth as a company as much as I used to.

//That said, I hate Warner Bros SO much more.

//If they had the power, Im quite confident that Warner Bros would utterly destroy the entertainment business entirely. And yes, not just movies, but tv, animation, video games; basically everything they’ve dipped their toes into would be utterly poisoned, because for some reason they’re dead set on cancelling the best things they put out for the sake of tax.

//Rooster Teeth aren’t great, but a lot of what they did back in the early 2000’s was walk so that indie animation today can run.

//Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, Lackadaisy, Spooky Month, Murder Drones, Meta Runner, Digital Circus, The reason why there’s been such a resurgence of original indie animation is because the big leagues like Warner are FAILING FAILING FAILING to make things that people genuinely enjoy. And Rooster Teeth, small as they were back in the day; are one of the first real examples of an indie studio making projects.

//So while I wouldn’t outright try to defend the company, there are aspects of Warners decision that leave a bad taste in my mouth. And god dammit, if the cap isn’t sealed shut on this company, sooner or later we’re all gonna be fucked.

//This is just me expressing my opinion though. We have to keep moving on no matter how hard some of these companies make it.

//I don’t plan on prematurely ending this arc because of the Rooster Teeth issues, and if this is one final farewell to Death Battle, then all the more reason to see it through.

-Mod

[purveyorofsocks]

TW | I harm myself and I have for a while

If you didn't put in the specific tags necessary to end up on this side of tumblr that header might be a bit of a lot. But for others, the kind that search out this kinda thing, those like me, it's just another post of its kind. BUT I have something to say, a point if you will, as all other posts of this kind tend to have. It's a stupid point, one we all know but some fight more then others, that "this" isn't actually helping. So dive in with me to the beginning of this 9 year long crutch.

I was 12, which after intensive obsessive research, I know to be the average for girls/women. I logged onto a little website called "7 cups of tea" If you were born in the early 2000s and spent too much time on the internet you're probably well acquainted. I filled out the little test that labeled me as depressed so I entered chats with volunteer councilors with that in mind, and the first question posed was always "So, do you cut yourself?" And I didn't, but whenever I told a councilor that the interaction immediately went stale.

12 yr me took that to mean "This is what it takes to be heard"

And so I did, and everything got a whole lot worse for a long long time. My parents finally confronted me about it and responded poorly, got yelled at by my mom. Not that she wasn't trying, she just really didn't have all the information and she had her own baggage, so much to say that I've forgiven her not that her actions were ok.

Cutting was how I got groomed for the first time, this guy in his early thirties came to 15 yr old me and said he'd share his bdsm test results with me if I could go cold turkey for certain period of time. I started carrying razor blades in my pocket.

At 17 I carved a shitty boys name into my thigh. (It faded not long before the friendship ended due to a whooooole bunch of bullshit

It never stopped, I didn't hide the knowledge from anyone aside from my parents and they still don't know the extent, but you know who does? My hairstylist, his wife, all of my friends, family friends, my boss, colleagues. And at this old age of 21 I still haven't stopped and most days? I have no desire to, a part of me is masochistic enough to like it. But I can acknowledge that it's unhealthy, and I know it's a crutch for something I am trying to avoid.

I have unhealthy patterns though, I try to find fanfiction that has the same topics (that happen to be well written enough for them to be believable*rare*) and I make myself worse to better enjoy the adrenaline that pain provides. But there are things that have improved, harm reduction mostly. I try not to let the severity of the injury dictate how seriously I take my pain, I don't reuse blades, I clean and bandage anything above a cat-scratch.

I have to report to my roommate after each relapse because she deserves to know when it's getting bad, she needs to know she's not going to come home to the bathtub overflowing.

And this isn't me at perfect, but this is me at better. Don't let them lie to you, and most importantly don't lie to yourself. It can and will get better, unless you fight better. Because sometimes joy is too vulnerable for the broken.

If any of this feels familiar, know you’re not alone. You don’t have to fix everything overnight—sometimes, harm reduction is progress, and ‘better’ doesn’t have to mean perfect. But you deserve more than survival, even if it feels impossible to imagine.

Start small. Reach out to someone safe. Take one step—just one—to show yourself that healing doesn’t mean giving up who you are.

And if nothing else, keep going. Because even if joy feels out of reach right now, there’s still something waiting for you on the other side of this.

I was talking to someone today who told me that they had struggled with similar addiction until their 30s on and off until eventually they realized that throwing up all the time could cause them to stroke, and that just seemed like a lot to deal with over an extra slice of cake.

Take that how you will.

[eksentrismi]

Have I rambled here yet about my J&H-AU, in which Jekyll's soul is stuck inside an old CRT monitor/computer??? No?????

Anyways, rambling time then. Lots of text under text cut, lmao, this post gets long <3

I'm copying this stuff off my Discord messages:

Basically yes, he died but instead of going to actual proper afterlife... this Jekyll's soul got basically stuck inside a 1990's/early 2000's CRT monitor, but whatever computer is attached to him; he can control it freely whenever it's on or in sleep mode. Also all the devices (like the microphone, headphones, speakers, webcam etc.) that are attached onto that computer, he can access freely. But he uses those as his senses pretty much, as his hearing and sight primarily. Like the microphone for example, it's his ears pretty much: if someone were to try talk to him, they would need to use the microphone. And speakers (or headphones) are his mouth, letting the other person hear what he wants to say. And if there's no speakers or headphones available, Jekyll just generates his replies as text on the screen and accepts text replies from the other person back (as without the microphone attached, Jekyll is basically completely deaf; without the speakers/headphones, he loses his voice). Webcam then is his eyes and so on, unless it's got tape on it or is otherwise blocked. Though imagine how pissed off Jekyll must be when everything he's able to see, is through some crunchy 480p potato quality webcam. /j

His voice has some remnants of his accent and old "human" voice, but it's now more mechanical and computer-like, basically kinda like those really old text-to-speech stuff from like the 80's or 90's. It's an oddly soothing calm voice though, not a terrifying one. (Unless Hyde appears.) He loves floppy disks and CD's etc, those are like snacks to him. Degaussing the CRT monitor also feels like tickling to him and he enjoys it. Gonna mention some depressing stuff briefly though, but this Jekyll is also forgetting what he actually looked like as a human… so sometimes when there's no one else around and the computer is in sleep mode (or open), he might try to open a program and try generate himself his face and appearance. Trying to figure out what he looked like, but unfortunately in vain; as most of the images are either totally jumbled data. Kind of like those uncanny AI-generated images. And some of the images he tries generating, no matter how close they look to his original human self, none of them feels right to him. </3

Also yes, since he can control an entire computer pretty much (only when it's on; otherwise if there was a power outage or someone turned off the power, he wouldn't be able to do much. He doesn't get hurt or go unconscious if the computer is off, he just can't do anything then), he can use the internet too or comment on whatever the computer user's doing on their computer. Jekyll mostly just sucks though, as he's often sarcastic, snarky and he's also still extremely smug. Plain rude 50 y.o. man, lol. Judging the user's actions or telling them to go outside. Though he also often just minds his own business and doesn't care what the user does on the computer. He's a cranky man after all and needs his naps often /j … and most of the time though, he's calm. He can even be really helpful and kind, if he really takes a liking to the computer user and befriends them. He's a doctor after all.... and he can also access Wikipedia anytime, lmao. He's basically like a personal PC assistant (eg. BonziBuddy, lmao), but million times worse.

Hyde then is basically just a very loud self-destructive malware/virus/glitch, that sometimes randomly takes over and tries to destroy itself/Jekyll out of sheer hatred; usually messing up the computer badly, and Jekyll then has to clean up the mess afterwards. Hyde speaks in a very terrible distorted electronic voice, or actually he pretty much just. Yells and screams a lot. The screams are distorted and chopped up, or otherwise glitched. He however appears usually only for a short time and then disappears into thin air for some time, at least until Jekyll gets stressed out again or experiences other such strong emotions.

Probably forgot a ton of details from all that, but yeah lmao, that's pretty much it..... computer Jekyll....... or you could say..... Tech-yll.......

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

Hello car expert person! I love your blog and I have a question.

What car would you say is the best intersection between "modern features" and "this machine better not even LOOK at the internet or I'll drive into a lake and swim to saftey"?

I'm a big fan of cars that you can't connect a phone to in any capacity. I don't want to bluetooth SHIT. I barely trust phone charger adaptors. If it has a screen in it, we are enemies. But I also very much like adequate crumple zones, fuel efficiency, and other advantages of newer models. Do you know anything that's a good middle ground?

no i totally am in the same page. i want my cars (and honestly almost all my tech) as dumb as possible. like i almost exclusively play cds in my car, even though i have the option to connect my phone i prefer the physical stuff. i agree though, i do want some safety featuresit’s a tough middle ground

i think about the only cars i can think of that sorta fit the bill are 80s and 90s volvos and mercedes, and the fuel economy isn’t phenomenal on those compared to what stuff nowadays can achieve, but it’s not awful. the safety is solid on those, there’s so many videos of newer cars getting into collisions with like volvo 240s and the volvos coming out basically unscathed while the other car is fully crumpled. that being said, the crumpling is there for a reason and while nothing’s getting into the cabin of a volvo there is more risk of the driver getting knocked around in there a good bit

the mercedes recommendation comes in because when i bought my ‘84 300d as my first car, my dad told me a story about a time he and his friend wrapped one around a tree and were able to walk away without a scratch. the diesel benzes were also pretty good on fuel economy and if diesel or an alternative is cheap enough in your area they’re solid, mine i think averaged low 30s, which was worse than my corolla and mazda3 but not significantly

to be honest, a lot of economy cars from the late 2000s to early 2010s are probably solid. my friend’s 2010 civic feels decently modern in terms of economy and safety but doesn’t have any screens or tech features. she also mostly uses cds. my dad’s 06-07 mazda3 was the same, as was my 05. they don’t feel quite as solid on the road as the old volvos and benzes but have better airbags and crumple zones

so yeah if you wanna go OLD old i would go volvo or mercedes (just be wary of repair costs, those are both reliable cars that get expensive when things do eventually break) and if you want slightly newer you could definitely do worse safety-wise than a late 2000s japanese economy car

[goldammerchen]

notes and ideas starting after the wall (too much use of 'feel'):

gil moves in lud's house, first time they share a roof in decades.

economy issues make him have a little of fever but otherwise fine.

...until he needs to be bedridden, around the same time other issues appear.

(turns out a country being gone one day to another is a shock to anybody starting from him; a new system, unhappy about how the transition it's being done, and feeling belittled—he had enough bad experences for his glasses to not be [too] rose-tinted, but has ostaIgie too).

i hc lung scarring from illnesses and battles from before the great war, the chemical war made matters worse. tendency to suffer pneumothorax: shit collapses again and again.

POSSIBLE "GAME OVER", dies here. That could be a oneshot...

...i prefer him living though. his health gets better enough to leave the bed.

aimless, starts travelling around [both] berIin[s], a lot, then further east, breaking into empty places from people leaving to the west. mixed feelings—understands 100% but can't help but feel abandoned and discarded.

does something REALLY stupid while drunk, has an accident, completely alone...

second possible GAME OVER, another oneshot.

stays dead for like a week, under snow, when revives except issues from resurrection and hypothermia, his fever and cough are gone.

option 1: he tells bran about his accident, recives solace only after a fight.

option 2: he tells nobody what happened. in any case...

...lud gets feverish. gil feels empty.

also [spoilers i'm keeping to myself]. nothing is quite ever the same, for a second time in less than a decade.

being retired, he sees friends and fam way less. either a) stays in contact through the phone or slow internet; b) almost no contact with them :) [also nobody trusts him so he isn't allowed in meetings at home or world ones yet] [also no travel allowance]

mainly berIiners (and maybe bran and the others) interact with him, when he isn't just watching tv / on the computer: all or nothing man, he either leaves for days or stays home for days.

things get better! it greatly helps getting back a travel allowance, being allowed to go in the bundes.tag and bundes.rat [+] sometimes with lud or other siblings, and going to some world conferences...

...until he starts doubting if he should see the next century / millenium. he knows he shouldn't think that, but feels more part of the past than the present, perhaps belonging more to a museum than to, whatever he is supposed to do now.

existencial crisis is back and with revenge! doesn't want to bother his *younger* brother...

1999 + 2000 + 2001 birthday(s), anniversaries, christmas and new years are shitty. avoids lud and the usual ones during the holidays 2-3 years in a row, promises being fine.

(lud and maybe others finally learn about certain accident).

the crisis runs its course, and during the worst other siblings step forward (a ghost in particular is happy about this).

the 300 anniversary in january is still weird.

not mentioned: ot7 interactions