#2 hours of work for tumblr to make them look bad wtf

[sexthaz]

stray kids still gonna rock on the hellevator

[class-1b-bull]

Class 1-b as random things me and my friends have said to eachother!

I tried to get everyone multiple times but some characters got more than others </3

There is a lot of cussing, name calling and mentions of virginity but dats about it. Plus a brief mention of drug dealing.

:] :] :]

Manga- BRO! IS THIS THE BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA ULTRA ANYLISIS BOOK THAT LETS YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS, THEIR QUIRKS, AND THEIR RELATIONS WITH OTHER CHARACTERS FROM THE SAME SERIES?! PUBLISHED BY HORIKOSHI, THE AUTHOR OF BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA, HIMSELF?!?!

Bondo- uh yea?

Manga- i knew you were cringe but a virgin? Do better man.

:] :] :]

Sen- WHERE THE FUCK IS CTRL+Z?!?!?

Awase- ctrl z dosent work on tattoos actually..

:] :] :]

Kuroiro - the atoms will align because im hot like that. *runs straight into a wall*

:] :] :]

Kamakiri - the riddle isnt that fucking hard your just dumb as shit.

Kosei - can I give them a hint?

Kamakiri - no, fuck you.

Awase - you had to high expectations for me and tokage when making this riddle.

Kamakiri - I litterally looked up riddles for kids.

Tokage - well im obviously not a kid so that probably why I cant figure it out..

Kosei - can I pleasssseeeeeee give them a hint.

Kamakiri - fine whatever.

Kosei - ASS!!

Kamakiri - you know what? Actually... shut the fuck up!

Kosei - its a good hint!

Kamakiri - no the fuck its not.

Rin - no actually thats a great hint. Want me to demonstrate?

Awase - what is there to demonstrate???

*litterally 3 1/2 hours later*

Tokage - WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES ASS HAVE TO DO WITH THE MOON?!?!??!

AWASE - FUCKING MOONING!!!!!

:] :] :]

Kendo - just letting you know, your a great friend. And I really care about you.

Kodai - being nice to me wont change the fact that your ass at mario cart.

:] :] :]

Shiozaki - *running up to kendo full sprint* hey um- quick question, could jesus do a kick flip? SPECIFICALLY with the kids hello kitty skatebord that crack dealer tried to sell us...

:] :] :]

Shishida - I dont like gossip but I thought I should let you know that monoma thinks your a drug dealer...

Kosei - why? Is he a cop?

Shishida - no but-

Kosei - is he buyin?

:] :] :]

Shoda - *crying in a voice message to the class b group chat* I just got into a car wreak and the cop had to pull me out of my carrr *loud as sniff* while fucking doja cat was talking about sucking dick... and it was really embarrassing. Oh! And I broke my leg I guess but whatever.

:] :] :]

Pony - Want my autograph? Too fuckin bad bitch! Im Beyonce type famous now I dont have TIME for your annoying ass.

Kodai - what happened?

Komori - she got 15 likes on a tumblr post.

:] :] :]

Tetsutetsu - MEN CAN LACTATE?!?!?!

Kosei - *loudly starts playing carless whisper in the distance*

:] :] :]

Kamakiri - shut the fuck up I only came over to your house to watch madoka magica and pet your cat now where the fuck is kitty kitty bang bang?!

:] :] :]

Honenuki - hand.

...

Honenuki - HAND!

Kuroiro - TAKE ME TO DINNER FIRST?! I aint ready for that kind of commitment man.

Honenuki - if you dont let me finish painting you nails I am going to kill your cat.

:] :] :]

Bondo - *crying while eating pretzels* he really did crank that soulja boy...

:] :] :]

Monoma - statistics show that I am better than you at litterally everything so riddle me this? If I am so fucking awesome why do I cry myself to sleep every night?!

:] :] :]

Reiko - that toddler is so fucking metal..

Like get it bitch. Tell your mom to fuck off for putting you in time out. Girlboss shit.

:] :] :]

Rin - that kid is litterally me.

Kosei - *earth shattering scream and falls off ceiling*

:] :] :]

Shiozaki - so is everyone that does crack jesus or just your mom?

:] :] :]

Shoda - thats a nice fucking rock...

Kodai - please dont fuck the rock...

:] :] :]

Awase - WTF WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEYRE NOT REAL?!

Rin - awase why would sen have a LIVE jellyfish inside of a lava lamp...

Awase - he would if he wasent a beta cuck.

:] :] :]

Pony - if I give you $20 can you draw the dude from highschool musical pregnant? Its for my cousins birthday.

Manga - first of all what the actual fuc-

:] :] :]

Shiozaki - believe it or not. But being a man. Ok? And sucking another mans dick. BEFORE MARRIAGE. Hear me out on this one... Is slightly againt the great lord above.

Kodai - jesus?

Reiko - no, ace ventura: pet detective.

...

Reiko - specifically after he climbed out of the rinos ass, naked.

:] :] :]

Sen - bro what even is this? Its low key ugly as fuck.

Rin - thats litterally me...

Sen - daymn *sticks photo in pants* ANYWAYS-

:] :] :]

Shishida - I get everyone is trying to stay calm but twerking to the fire alarm wont stop the fire!

:] :] :]

Rin - cute dogs!

Kosei - *lifting his foot* thanks I moisturize~

:] :] :]

Pony - i knew something was wrong with you when you laughed at my joke but not in the 'I watched mean girls' type of way.

:] :] :]

Komori - *walking around the house frantically*

Reiko - we would be out the door already if you didnt kiss all of your plants goodbye..

:] :] :]

Awase - I couldn't even hear that because me and kosei were talking about how hot she was.

:] :] :]

*Rin buddled up in like 20 blankets in front of a fire place*

Kosei - hot girl shit. *dives into the pile and face plants right into his balls.*

:] :] :]

Manga - can I eat your knees tall man?

Bondo - no thanks.

Manga - what if I asked in a uwu voice?

Bondo - still no.

Manga - daymn... alpha male type shit.

:] :] :]

Rin - you realize i am a dude right?

Awase - guys can have long hair?

Sen - of course they can have long hair dipshit.

Kosei - who cares if rin used to be a girl?! Hes a guy now and thats all that matters!

Rin - no I was always a guy...

Kosei - its ok man :D ill always be your friend <3

[astridandoddsandends]

#TheBestOfBellarke

Bellarke Creator Shoutout: Part 2.

1. Bellamy Blake fanart (May 21, 2021) by lallixart (Instagram).

2. Bellamy Blake fanart (September 9, 2021) by lallixart (Instagram).

3. "He’s among my stars now; a blessing and a curse always in sight but just out of reach" by ejtcylor (Twitter) - Bellamy Blake fanart.

4. Bellamy Blake fanart (Etherea) by @silvernyxa (Tumblr).

5. “My little princess” by @laura-mago-art-fanart (Tumblr) - Bellamy Blake fanart - Bellamy embracing his daughter.

6. "And the universe said I love you..." by @silvernyxa (Tumblr) - Bellamy Blake fanart.

7- Bellamy + mythology references by @bellamyblake (Tumblr) - Bellamy Blake gifset.

8. Bellamy Blake fanart by marambaia.art (Instagram) for scarletbela (Twitter).

9. The 100 Season 7 Episode 13 "Blood Giant" Bellamy Rant by Maymoney In Da' Building (Youtube) - Review.

《I'm just like wtf and [...] when it happened I was like not even prepared for it. I didn't even feel emotionally prepared for it and then she just left him bleeding on the f floor to die alone. He's been a character since season one, episode one, male lead. It's like what happened behind the scenes that's so bad for you to like... have no professionalism to write his character off correctly. You can kill him off. I don't want Bellamy to die, he's my favorite character, but if he dies give him a better depth than that garbage that you just tried to force down our throats and make us accept like [...]. You just ruin this entire f show for me. I'm pissed, I feel so... It's so stupid, it doesn't make any sense and it doesn't make any sense for all of the other characters to just write him off as a villain like so easily when he's done nothing but protect them and believe in them and save them and all sorts of things [...]. I mean it's outrage, it's disrespectful, it's disrespectful to the fans too [...].》

《You were just a spiteful small little heartless little man, okay? And you know who I'm talking about. I'm talking about this f writer because there's no way like [...]. You must have no experience with love or relationship at all because that's not how it works. Whatever you're going through in your personal life you need to learn how relationships and love f works. And because this ain't how it works you have to be real small and stupid and ignorant and just egotistical to pull that [...]. I feel hella hurt and betrayed by that bs and I hope you never ever write anything ever again.》

《That shit's just wrong bro that [...] is just wrong and it's like damn... He wasn't even in the season and the season for me personally suffered because Bellamy wasn't there. There was no Bellamy in it and when we finally got him things were looking up... Even though he was on the wrong side I was still happy to have his character in because he's a dynamic character that we all love and it don't matter what side he's on because we always know that he comes back to the right side. He can make mistakes but that'll mean he can't come back. But you just completely obliterated everything that he stood for as a character in the whole message that we thought... I guess was trying to be portrayed with his character . But apparently I must be stupid, okay? I must be just dumb as f because everything that I thought his character stood for... Love for his friends and family and trying to always trying to protect the people that he cared about and his people... Obviously that just goes out the window like... What was it all? What was the point?》

《It doesn't matter to me because obviously this show doesn't matter to you. Obviously the character of Bellamy doesn't matter to you, so why should I care when your spin off... I hope it spins all the way off into oblivion where it never is seen by a soul.》

10. The 100 7x13 "Blood Giant" | Reaction - "Ranting about how bad this show has gotten for almost half an hour" by Bia Reacts (Youtube). - Review.

《Bob, if you ever watch this... I'm so sorry, you deserved so much better than this and also I would like to point out... I have been in this fandom for a while now and I would just like to say [...] Hey, Jason. We all know what happened, okay? And if you're watching this... We know what happened, we know why this happened, okay? You can't fool us, you can't fool us. We know why this happened. [...] We all know what happened and Bob, I'm legit sorry, I'm utterly frustrated and mad and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for Eliza too that she has, she had to, you know, shoot the scene... This is so disrespectful. The thing that makes me very angry is that this right here was just for shock value, you know? You are doing a tv show just because of the shock value. You're not thinking about the story and when you do a tv show I mean... Don't get me wrong, I love plot twists on the story. I love to be surprised but every plot twist, every good plot twist has a story behind it and if you do it only for the shock value you're just doing it to try to prove a point. You're just doing it to say "oh, I can do a plot twist on my show. I can surprise you. I can make your brain explode", you know? But you're not doing it for the sake of the story, you're just doing it to try to prove a point. You're just doing it to say "oh, my show is edgy, I can do plot twists, I can make people think" but you're forgetting everything that makes your show your show. You're forgetting all the character developments, you're forgetting all the relationship between the characters, you're forgetting all the story. It's just centered on the plot and this is not how a good tv show is.》

Part 1.

[ficsandfandom]

Young Royals rant (no major spoilers)

i need to talk about this show somewhere so Tumblr it is.

it is written and acted so well. the plotline makes sense, the convos are realistic and they did not make it cringy by trying to get into the mindset of a teen. the actors understood the assignment and handed it in early with extra credit because w o w they did an amazing job

too many queer stories are completely centered around the characters being queer. their sexuality is the obstacle in the relationship, it is the whole plot. and yes it's great that we are getting that representation and it is realistic that being queer comes with setbacks because that is the world we live in.

however, Young Royals did it tastefully and them being queer wasn't the only plot point. in hetero romances, there are such a variety of stories and tropes that has nothing to do with who they are attracted to. Young Royals is a m a z i n g in that sense and it's such good representation because while sexuality can be important to people, it is not all there is to us as people and our stories.

i was hooked the whole way. i don't watch shows much tbh, and things outside of bollywood and hollywood even less, but Young Royals gained so much popularity so fast that i decided to try i. and gods i am so glad i did. for the first time ever, i finished the whole thing in a few hours and am in desperate need for more. it didn't get tedious or repetitive and was just interesting all-round.

the representation. there are queer characters, poc, mentions of drug and alcohol abuse, ADHD and a load more. classism is prevalent and the show also depicts teenagers in social situations that can be hard to navigate in real life.

the actors don't all look like adults who have passed puberty. pretty much all the main characters are unfairly good looking but most of them look realistic. they have acne, skin blemishes, aren't all stick thin etc. (but jeez, wtf is omar rudberg's skincare routine??) the point is they look like humans- mostly. some just look too perfect to be real.

This is a MASSIVE recommendation to go and watch it RIGHT NOW. I n e e d season 2 so badly and am genuinely so invested in this. i have not been this invested in anything i have watched in ages. i will now be retreating into the fabulous world of fanfiction because i am very much in need of any content and i know that fans work fast af so here's to hoping there's some really good ones out there. i swear if netflix keeps renewing Riverdale but cancels this...

GO WATCH IT NOW!!!!

(also, i just realised how bad i am at finding fanfics that aren't about harry potter or the grishaverse or any widespread fandom so please comment any good recommendations???)

[alegzandryan]

Prepping for a Ritual

So since I am doing these things as we speak I thought I would go through some ritual things that I find useful, for anyone that feels overwhelmed or unprepared for ritual work. I know tumblr and tiktok have pushed a lot of easy jar spells on us, but there really is something more to a ritual setting, even a simple one. And as it goes without saying, this is my personal idea of a guide and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and practice.

Get your supplies ready the day before the ritual. ESPECIALLY if you are going outside/somewhere outside your home. Collect all the things you will need and put them together. This will give you a day to remember all the things you forgot before it's time, instead of in the middle of your ritual

Choose what you are going to wear the day before, too. Some people take aesthetic very seriously but others dont. Either way, give some thought to what you are wearing. Is that crystal necklace good for what you are doing? Are those pants comfortable enough to sit for 30 minutes in? Comfortability is just as important as presentation for ritual, so dont wear that corset that hurts you after 15 minutes. You will need to focus on more important things.

Foot wear is also super underrated. Are you hiking 10 minutes into the forest to find a ritual spot? Wear boots. Are you in your house and want to go barefoot? Make absolutely sure you are not going to step on a ritual tool and make yourself bleed, or curse to some gods about the existence of legos in the middle of your ritual

Make some stuff for a cleansing/power bath. I usually assemble ingredients and things day before, then go to bed, and do a quick ritual bath before the actual ritual. Steep a hair rinse or charm a fancy body wash before hand so you dont have to focus on that spell, too.

Do a tarot reading/your preferred divination, before bed the day before you do a ritual. It can be quick or extensive, it doesnt matter. But it can be good to get some guidance before you are gearing up for a spell or ritual, and have some time to think about it before you are minutes away from it.

Prepare food and water, once again especially if you are going outside. Rituals can take a lot out of you depending on what you are doing, and food and drink are very easy and quick ways to help ground yourself if you are shaky or need help coming back to a relaxed state. If you are struggling, boiling pasta or microwaving stuff is the last thing on your mind, or maybe even your ability. So have some fruit snacks or granola bars or cookies or something-- easy to take and easy to eat-- with you. Trust me, this is more important than a lot of people realize. It's a good after-ritual practice and one you should be ready for

Think about your intent and purpose. Set aside some time day-before to do this, maybe 30 min to 1 hr I would say. Maybe make an entry in your BOS if you are the journaling type. This serves 2 functions: one is to charge your intent before the spell. It will give you more oomph and precision in your spell casting, or more prepared behavior if you are speaking to gods. Think about what you want to ask them, what you want them to know, how much respect you should give them, or what they may ask of you. What are you willing to do for them, and what are you not?

The second function is that it gives you time to back out of something. Not all spells are meant to be cast, and especially not if you are in a high emotion before it. Give yourself a day to prepare, an hour to think over, why am I doing this? SHOULD I be doing this even? There is nothing wrong with changing your mind. Doing things impulsively in magic isn't typically beneficial to the caster most of the time. Think through potential consequences, too. How could it back fire? How could it go right but in the wrong way? Is there a better way to get what you want? Can you add a caveat, or a time limit on the spell? Are you using parts of a closed practice and not really thought about it before now?

If you are doing spell work in the out-of-your-house-space-land, even if it is just like, in your appartment parking lot, the park down the street or even your own backyard, make sure someone somewhere knows about it. I know not everyone is out of the broom closet, but even if you just have to tell your friends you are stargazing or something, make sure SOMEONE knows and has a check in time for you. There are creeps and terrible people everywhere, and not to spook anybody, but doing magic can often attract animals or any assortment of beings who want to watch/investigate you. I have been given a heart attack by a baby antelope at dawn before. I have also been given a heart attack by a forest spirit asking wtf I was doing there. I know it doesnt exactly feel witchy to have your cellphone crammed in your waistband, but trust me, better safe than sorry. Be it humans or otherwise, doing magic in the dark in total secret is just not realistic to your safety. Take someone with you and have them wait in the car or around the corner if you can. Once again, make sure someone, somewhere, has a set time to call or come get you in, incase you get kidnapped or fae-napped. Your wellbeing is a much higher priority than any magic spell.

Also familiarize yourself with nearby wildlife. Even if you are in the city, check out what raccoon eyes look like in flashlight, or maybe if your suburb is prone to stray cats or dogs. Check out a rabies registry as well, so you know what kind of risk you are looking at around such animals. Rabid animals are actually more prone to being unafraid of human contact and will readily let a person touch them. Do NOT interact with wild animals. No, they are not a sign or a gift from your god. Most animals are curious about magic in general, but that doesnt make them not wild. Do not interact. If you are in a less populated space, you should also check out what kind of wild life is native to your area and how dangerous they are. Deer will startle themselves into you like getting hit by a BMW and bears and cougars can be active day or night, as well as Bobcats, snakes, or coyotes. Check out your local wildlife center for advice on how to handle what lives in your area

(Last outdoors advice, I promise) also check out what kind of myths and legends existed on the land you are on, ESPECIALLY if you live in north america. Knowing who's land you are on should be important to your practice anyway, and knowing what kind of creatures may be out there may save you some distress later. Indigenous cultures should be respected, and their tales can tell you what's around your area. And I dont care where the hell you live, if you hear whistling in the darkness/forests, it is one of several things coming to get you and none of them are good. Get gone and DONT whistle back. Or at all. No whistling guys. Bad.

For indoor rituals, make sure you wont be disturbed. Much like meditation, rituals are very dependent on focus and intent. Interruptions can mess with your outcome.

More indoor advice, checkout your lighting and ventilation well before you do your ritual. For instance, my altar is in a walk in closet-- there is no way in hell I am burning 4 candles and an incense in that room. I would have to do it in my living room or bedroom where there are windows, or find a way to eliminate the candles. Is the room dark enough to fit your ritual? Is it light enough that you can read your notes? (also make notes/write up a copy of the spell, it helps so much) Make sure you have enough light to see what you are doing properly.

I am a big advocate of "do not over cleanse your life, stop over cleansing" however, if that is something you do a lot of, make sure all your tools and whatnot are cleansed and prepared day before. You can shave a 2hr ritual down to 30 min if you get all of your prep work done day before, which is nice. And it once again gives you time to say "shit I forgot that one thing I need to cleanse" an hour later and still not interrupt your ritual because it is day before.

If you are an of-legal-age type person and doing some drug/alcohol part of your magic, make double sure you have food, water, and a buddy system. You may not need a designated driver if you aren't going out of your house, but you still need a designated sober person to make sure you dont like, astral travel out of your body and get replaced with a pod person, or get hurt trying to cast a circle with a ritual knife while high. Know your limits well before you use them in ritual and, I cannot emphasize this enough, have a friend to keep you under scrutiny incase something goes wrong and you need help.

If you are having the OTHER kind of must-be-of-age type of ritual, be sure your partner is well informed. Maybe have a dress rehearsal so you are both on the same page about mechanics and consent. Speed run through the general timing and motions, and talk about what each of you expect to get out of the ritual. Is it for bonding? Or are you using the energy to try to charge something? Is it for fertility? Are you both good to have ritualized sex (I know that seems like an obvious question, but you would be surprised by how many partners clam up about sexual things to try to not disappoint their partner). If you are a witch and your partner is not, be sure they know what to expect, and that they 100% want to do it even though it's not necessarily their practice and not just to be a people pleaser. If you havent done anything like this before either, tell them that, too. Honestly is 100% required here

And lastly, keep your cool. It's easy to get over excited or over anxious about this kind of thing, but honestly with a little prep time you have a high change of doing awesome. And even if you dont? That's okay too. Everyone makes mistakes, we all learn from those mistakes, and every single experience you acquire will level you up until you are the best at being you. Do what feels right, trust your gut, do some reading, and keep calm and witchy on.

[allthingsfern]

In order, my responses to comments in Reply of my COVID19 era post that was my answer to my question “My answer to my questions: Has the era of COVID19 changed your photography? How? And perhaps also, why?“ I am so confused now...

adventuresofalgy

Algy thinks you are lucky and - certainly if compared with Europeans - perhaps quite unusual in not having experienced a more profound effect on your creative outlets and expression. Many of Algy's creative friends have experienced wide-ranging and often severe impacts on their creativity and associated motivation - and therefore on their mental health as well.

themazette

As @adventuresofalgy Jenny said.... you are lucky...

I am indeed very lucky, or as I think of it, blessed. However, it is no way a US thing, nor even a California thing. I add California, because I know many in the US and around the world think of the Golden State as a haven, a progressive, hippie filled state that is all about peace and love and marijuana. However, that is far from the truth. California is like Germany in the 1920s and 30s. There was Berlin, where there was a wildness in the city that was not shared, and was often looked-down on, by those in the majority of the country, who lived in more conservative areas and who, often, economically could not afford the grand life of partying Berliners. In California it is the same. Except for a few urban areas, the state is full of very conservative folks, and for them, like for those in the cities (and in the rest of the world) this COVID19 era has been devastating. Well, and the fires for Californians have been too.

Even in this cool college town where I live, which is lovely and quiet and inspiring, the painfully empty streets, movie theaters, restaurants, shops (think of all those unemployed people) is (still) staggering. In mid-March last year, right after lockdown, I took several phone videos of the deserted street in our town and the campus, but I could not bring myself to share them, since I knew that so many others here on Tumblr were experiencing the same desolation in many different ways. (I figured: “Why add to the sorrow we are living, almost globally?”) I was overwhelmed by the emptiness of the major (well, major for a small town of around 65,000 people) street where I live and the empty bicycle trails and street on campus. And by empty, I mean that even now, I see maybe 3 cyclists per hour, and very little car traffic. Remember, this is a bicycle town; I do not own a car, doing most all my errands on my bike with its 2 fordable baskets in the rear.

And now, over a year later, that same heavy, oppressive emptiness persists. And no, I am not used to it. And yes, I traveled over the last year, but I found the same suffocating blanket of emptiness in each city I visited, even in Las Vegas. It was unnerving. As a matter of fact, last year when I drove to San Francisco 2 months after lockdown for my birthday, I wound up getting depressed and disoriented, in a city where I lived for almost 7 years. Driving back home across the Golden Gate Bridge with tears of sadness in my eyes on my birthday was not what I expected. However, I did get some solid photos of the malaise that hung thick in the air, a malaise that physically took up the space that once was taken up by crowds of people.

Now, I am also very aware that my situation is unique. (Not a fan of the word exceptional, since it can mean both unique and special, and I do not see my situation as special.) My life situation is very unique in that I have a job I love and I work with a great team of characters. We get work done and we have fun, share about our lives. My job is often, especially since COVID19 first got noticed in early 2020, stressful and demands my colleagues and I learn (and sometimes then teach) lots of new technology and that we adapt to the vagaries of the technology gods, which are sometimes unfriendly and unresponsive. And a big part of my job is trying to figure out how to get the technology gods to like us again and grace us with their gifts. (I never realized, until now, with this discussion, that the troubleshooting that is a big part of my job is creative and probably fuels my photographic creativity. Who knew?) Yet, as a group, my colleagues and I support each other. And I am fortunate to count my closest colleague, Steve, as a friend. We have been a great emotional support to each other over the years and now through this COVID19 era. And I recently was reminded (as if I needed reminding) just how unique my work situation is because I participated in a committee that was going over responses to a UC Davis-wide survey exploring levels of employee satisfaction. My 2 colleagues who were also on that committee and I did not have the complaints that others from other departments shared. We work well together, have supportive management that share what is going on and include us (as mush as possible) in the decision making process. And as a department, we get stuff done.

Possibly the best example of how blessedly unique my situation is is what happened this morning when I was talking (yes, on ZOOM) with my immediate supervisor. We discussed the work related stuff, including how at around 10:30 pm the night before I figured something out about an online tool integration I had never done before that I knew was easy but I did not see as easy until I reread the overly complicated instructions a couple of times and just figured out how and where to cut and paste the lines of code (it was that easy, just fucking cut and paste some lines of JSON code) that got the fucking thing to work. Then we talked about his dealing with his young children returning to school and how “normal” now is not “normal” from before and how disruptive the whole thing has been, yet since we work in a supportive atmosphere (and are both salaried), he was able to deal and keep living.

Then, and you are gonna love this, I shared about my original COVID19 question post and the responses and pretty much said to him what I am sharing here.

We talked for a little over an hour. That kind of rapport is rare, for any job, anywhere.

And then there is another way my situation is unique. In some ways, previous “bad things” were actually a preparation for this era of physical distance and uncertainty. In mid-2019, from July to August, first because of my work related bowling concussion and then an antibiotic resistant infection, I was bedridden for about 5 weeks and then had several absences because of concussion issues, like sudden and extreme anger flare ups, nausea, headaches. But however bad I thought that concussion and infection were, the concussion induced forgetfulness and my desire to sharpen my mind and nurture and nourish it have lead me to become, in my old age, organized. I now often take notes of important stuff, add work and personal dates and notes to my Outlook calendar, and even know what day it is, which bugs my colleagues who often find they have no idea what day and/or date it is. Yep, unique, but the bad concussion shit got me to be organized in ways that I was never able to be before, no matter what I tried. This time, I just fucking get organized, without thinking about it too much. And if I fuck up with my being organized, like I did the other day for work, I admit it, fix it, and move on.

Preparation for isolation (and unexpected natural threats) came by way of the 2018 Northern California (the region where I live) fires that year, which caused the campus to shut down for about a week. (As my friend Steve called it, the smoking break.) And for work, my colleagues and I faced a couple of long term, emergency technical outages that impacted all of the UC Davis faculty, one of them for over a month. Pretty much on a professional and personal level, I was, if not ready, at least getting used to the WTF of whatever life decides to surprise me with. (And lets not forget the really bad fire last September, seen in this video I posted of ash “snow” falling. We did not have to shut down the campus because there was no one there anyway.)

Another aspect of this last year, and one that has been present in my life for a few years now, is the BLM movement and the brutal police violence against Black people in this country. As someone who was a teaching assistant and taught in African American Studies and worked closely with students of color on campus in a student run organization, I was and am still devastated, in part because I know, from hearing so many personal accounts, the pain many of my friends, former colleagues, and former students, are still facing and how overwhelmed they felt and still feel. I understand, if as an outsider, their emotional exhaustion. This has been going on for a while, plus add the years of anti-immigrant hate against the Latinx in the US and the rising tide of violent hate against Asians, and yes, it has been sorrowful. Heartbreaking. And I have, in several ways, including my photography, tried to capture the sorrow and resilience of US people of color. It hurts, almost physically, that many people of color are just tired of talking and dealing with the hate.

So, yes, my situation is unique, but with its own emotionally draining weight. And yes, I am extremely grateful. This leads to the other 2 comments in Reply:

kkomppa

Thank you for sharing, Fern. Very interesting. Like you, I would say my output hasn’t changed much. However, I have sought locations deeper in the wilderness. This has been fulfilling.

schwarzkaeppchen

Really interesting thoughts. We live in strange times, but creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons. My photography has changed a lot. I used to work as a photographer at events and took portraits for fun... Now I'm officially a portrait photographer.

Both of these comments point to another unique aspect of my life situation: For some of us, our photography and how we do it, has not changed much, and if it has, that has been a part of our overall experience with this art form we love so much.

For me, because of my depressive tendencies, the Zen of photography, at least the way I do it, is therapeutic. And I do not use the  term “Zen” lightly here, because my spiritual life has helped me come to terms with the WTF surprises that are pretty much life, if at times the WTF of it is more impactful, as it is during this COVID19 era. And that is part of what I was trying to share with my original post: Before this period of isolation and disorientation, I was already coming to grips with the gospel truth that “creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons.” as @schwarzkaeppchen​ said. In no way do I diminish the anguish flared up by these bleak times that impact so many around the world. And really, when you think about it, bleak times have been a norm, at least here in the US, since late 2016, though, of course, lockdowns and physical distance make it all worse. But, at least for me, I try to learn from the bleak times, even if I abhor going through them. And when dealing with the highs and lows of creative energy, at least for me, I have a calm certainty that photography is part of my life and I do not have to worry, since I only love it more each day. And the other side to my certainty is that if someday my love of photography fades, some other treasure of creativity will replace it.

Let’s be real, because of photography. I think about stuff like this and get to have discussions with so many great Tumblr original photographers.

And I am grateful for it, and no, this is not unique to my life situation. I know many of us love being here and sharing the good, the bad, the confounding.

Please think about joining @tvoom and me for InConverversation this month. It has been a long time since we talked, and this COVID19 era will be our topic.

I am grateful for all y’all.

[makeyourdeanabi]

Finale Reaction- 2 months later

In the wee hours after the Supernatural Finale, after tossing and turning in my bed, I got up and wrote this... this was before I was actually active on Tumblr and I never thought I would share this because I was too self conscious.  I deleted it shortly after I wrote it because it brought me so much pain to relive it.  I have since watched the Finale again and have come to terms with it and I felt it was a good time to share my thoughts. I hope that my words may bring other people comfort who feel the same way.  Thanks for reading :)

Alisha

P.S. Sorry so long, I was feeling things and the words just kept coming and coming  ___________________________________________

I don’t blog.  Never in my life have I sat down to tell the world about my feelings in such a manner.  I may contribute on message boards and social media comments, but I never thought anything was worth my time to spill my guts into the ether when I am near certain that not a soul will read them.  But here I am.  I have to write because if I don’t get these thoughts out of my head, I am going to go full on insane.

That ending was bad. It was a disservice to the 15 years of an incredible show that was not only genre bending it was cultural norms bending.

I could mention the various tropes that this ending (and the previous episodes) invoked, but I am not well versed in them and would never want to do anyone a disservice with a comparison that wasn’t apt.

The buildup up of each character arc and then the glaring lack of conclusion for said character arc was laughable.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement.

I am destroyed.  

I am destroyed that the two men who have been with this franchise since day 1 wrote and directed an episode that they thought was the perfect ending. They thought this is what their devoted fandom wanted.  

I am destroyed that the lead actors signed off on this script and went so far as to call it their favorite.  I realize Jared was the only one calling it his favorite episode. Jensen admitted he had reservations about the episode and needed the wise words of creator Erik Kripke to accept it. I do have to say that taking the word of a man who left the show 10 seasons ago and hasn’t been involved in all the plot lines and inner workings since season 5 is probably not the best idea. I could be mistaken about the extent of Kripke’s involvement, but I am fairly certain that I am right in my assumptions.  

Dean spent 15 years (probably more) of his life feeling unloved, unworthy, self-conscious and convinced that his life had but one purpose and that purpose would ultimately be the death of him, and he had made peace with that.

He is given a best friend, potential love interest, who helps him to see that he is more than that, so much more than that.  He is selfless, he is caring, he is a lover, not a killer. His friend’s soulmate’s sacrifice is the catalyst for him believing that all these things are true. He even takes the step of admitting out loud that he knows he has changed.  He knows that his life is worth living to the fullest and appreciating what he has every day and honoring those they have “lost along the way.”  

To then kill him during a routine hunting trip in which the boys are up against a vampire nest they could take down in their sleep.  What could possibly have been the purpose for that?  To show that once they were no longer God’s little play toys their lives were expendable?  WHY?

Dean, arguably the greatest hunter in the SPN universe, was taken out by a fucking rusty piece of rebar, and instead of trying to call for help and get the man to a hospital (not sure it would have helped) he has his final monologue, the one he has been due for the latter half all of Season 15.  He died scared, in pain, and sad.

Dean goes to heaven, and its not the heaven we have been told of in the past where you are living in your memories.  Its truly life after death and its wonderful. He meets Bobby again and told that various people in Dean’s and Bobby’s life are close by.  His parents live down the road.  His father, who was never confirmed to be but was most likely an abusive bastard, lives just down the road with his mother.  Wonderful. (WTF?) He gets confirmation that Cas is out of the empty and he smiles, nothing more.  He sees baby and goes for a drive, not to find Cas and thank him for his ultimate sacrifice, but to just drive.  I like this part because we see a happy, content Dean, and we finally get to hear Kansas’s “Carry on Wayward Son” (DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF THE ROAD SO FAR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE). I just wish Dean’s path to heaven had been a little easier on him.

Dean deserved better.

Castiel, the selfless angel who just wanted to find purpose in his life and ultimately found it in death. He dies never being told that he is loved, after countless times of professing his love to his found family. The angel who sacrificed himself to the Empty, a horrible place of unspeakable torture, to protect the man he loves.  A man who, mere days later (in my mind anyway), arrives in heaven after being killed in a gruesome accident, rather than fulfilling his destiny that Cas fought so hard to protect.  Some sacrifice. It turns out that Cas is saved by the Empty from Jack, but we don’t get to see his joyful reunion with Dean, the man he loves.  

Cas deserved better.

Sam is left to live this life without his brother, and potentially the love of his life because the writers couldn’t be bothered to confirm Eileen’s re-existence after Chuck’s rapture.  He has a family, and he grows old (mind you with REALLY bad makeup in a show that is known for their incredible makeup/special effects departments).

He seems to be happy, but you can tell something is missing.  We come to see that he raised his son to be a hunter.  He raised his son in a life that, at the outset of this show, he was desperate to get out of and live a normal life.  Perhaps he no longer believes that anyone can live a normal life knowing what is out there. *EDIT* Looking back I don’t believe he raised his son to be a hunter, just gave him the tattoo in case.

He names his son Dean, because of course he does. He has a wife who we see from a distance and is never given the clarity if it is Eileen or not.  He finally dies after what looks like a slow and painful illness and is sent to heaven.

In heaven he meets up with Dean.  This was lovely.  The two of them meeting again after so long, for Sam, that is. Dean only had to seemingly wait for a few hours.

Sam deserved better.

For a show that had the potential to go out on a historically significant high, this is disappointing, to say the least.  The story had the potential to end with 2 brothers who have sacrificed so much and saved so many people, find a happy ending.  Not only that but find a happy ending with a deaf partner and a gay angel. If that isn’t breaking barriers and bending norms, I don’t know what is.  I really would like to know what prevented this from happening.  Be it the CW from restricting them or maybe the absolute lack of originality from the writers, I am curious as to their reasoning. Maybe it was COVID.  Maybe because they couldn’t have those two actors physically on set due to protocols, they didn’t want to shortchange them by having them appear otherwise: disembodied voice, phone call (DONT TOUCH ME) or even a flashback… hell STOCK FOOTAGE! I don’t know and I clearly can’t imagine the reason.

I realize that there is nothing that can be done about this episode now and that accepting it and moving on is really the only way forward.  But the legacy this show has left, and its lasting impact on me and my life, cannot be ignored.  I was looking forward to indulging in past episodes of this show for the rest of my life. It is going to be a long time before I can watch an episode without anger and resentment towards what I know to be their eventual end.  That, to me, is unforgiveable.  

I don’t expect anyone to actually read this because I do not have any followers. I have never blogged in my entire life and was only recently introduced to the online fandom, but I needed to write this.  I needed to share the impact that this episode had on me.  I do hope that it does reach those in the fandom that may have similar feelings and are able to use my words to help express how they are feeling.  We can move on, and we will move on, but we need to do it together.

I know that there are people who, if they read this, would shake their head in disbelief that I became so emotionally invested in this show that watching a bad ending would take such a toll on my mental health.  

To them I say, imagine this… The Pittsburgh Steelers (my favorite team, they can imagine their own) have an incredible season.  A season where they saw a myriad of highs and lows. Veteran players making incredible comebacks, rookie players coming in to their own.  Season ending injuries that lead to the next man stepping up and contributing in ways they weren’t sure possible.  Now imagine they make it to the Superbowl and after 3 tough quarters, in which they played their best, getting better with each quarter, they lose it in the final minutes.  All that blood, sweat, and tears for nothing.  Now imagine that was their last season and the Pittsburgh Steelers are no longer an NFL team.  They are done.  No “we’ll get ‘em next season.”  No “it’s just a game and there is always another one”.  Just done.  Their entire franchise, for a brief moment in time, reduced to those final minutes where they failed to win.  Devastating. Of course, in the long run that is not what they will be remembered for.  I mean, after all, they have won 6 Lombardi trophies, and no one is taking that away from them.  But the sting will remain for a while. *EDIT* This was as close to prophecy as I will ever get, the Steelers did all of the above until the playoffs, but THANK GOD, there will be another season.

If I can’t make you understand with a sports metaphor than I will never make you understand.  

I love this show and this loss is devastating.  I do hope that it is remembered for more than their last-minute loss.  I hope it is remembered for the joy and acceptance that their fandom felt with each episode, for the laugher on set and the gag reels. I hope it is remembered for the individual players who gave it their all. I know it will be, but for me personally, this sting is going to last for a while.  

[serendipitous-magic]

what's your writing process like? do you plot things out beforehand? or do you sort of write it as it comes? a mix of both?

Depends on what I'm writing!

In general I'm a planner. I can't write from a blank page, unless I'm just like... really really captivated by whatever I'm writing, which was what happened with the first chapters of both The Art of Living Your (Second) Life and The Partnership Plan.

a) In general, if it's a fanfiction I'm writing, I tend to build the plan as I write - meaning, oftentimes I'll be inspired to write the first chapter, and I'll write that with little idea what the rest of it will be. Or, even if I have an idea what the rest will be, it's more of a vague skeleton than a full plan. And then, as I continue to write, I think more about where the story is going and I continuously add to and refine my plan kind of alongside the actual writing. In this way, the plan grows at the same time that the actual chapters do - but because the chapters take significantly longer to write than planning does, the plan outpaces the "real" writing and I usually know the basic story arc from fairly early on. Then it's just a matter of fleshing it out, adding detail, writing down scenes I thought of, etc. And then when I get to that point in the actual writing, I have a framework in place already.

-_-_-

b) Sometimes for fanfic, I have a more complete plan upfront - although I use "complete" here to mean "from beginning to end," not "completely detailed." So, more like a full skeleton than a full body, if that makes sense. I did that with Roll for Strength. What usually happens is that my plan will look something like...

...

Chapter One

-Will suspects Mike has a girlfriend and is kind of put out about it but thinks he's over Mike so he tells himself he doesn't care

-Will walks in on Mike and his BF (name??) and has a crisis (they don't see Will, so Will knows about Mike but Mike doesn't know that Will knows)

-Will might get off to that later, guiltily? (Or move to chapter two)

Chapter Two

-Do Mike's POV to tell about how he ended up dating a guy, how he got very disillusioned with the world after canon events and got into a "fuck it, the rules don't matter and I hate them anyway" mentality, which eventually snowballed into him kind of realizing and accepting his sexuality earlier than usual fanon

-Also introduce BF (name??) in a scene

-Set time and place - season should set the mood if not already mentioned in Ch 1

-Maybe also do BF's POV briefly to introduce him?? Or leave that for later

...

Etc.

And that's the original skeleton plan. And then it gets expanded upon more and more and more as I continue to think about the story, sometimes even with full pages' worth of unbroken text blocks as I get inspired and start basically thought-vomiting an entire scene. So by the time I get around to actually writing it, it might look like the above, or it might be a few steps shy of an actual draft already, depending on how much I've thought about / worked on that part.

See #5 in this writing advice post to see what I mean about a "thought vomit" draft.

-_-_-

c) Here's the thing - the above was for fanfic, or for short stories, or stories that I'm just kind of having fun with.

For original stuff, I adhere much more tightly to the "rules," because the guidelines for original work (that you might try to publish in the actual publishing market) are much stricter - and for good reason! Fanfiction is a sandbox, and we're all invested in the characters and worlds and settings already. We're all reading and writing fanfic because we already love these characters and this world, and we just want to play in it.

It's a different situation with original novels that you hope to publish. The plot, pacing, tension, and story beats have to be much, much tighter and more polished. Because people reading original work have no prior reason to be invested in it or care what happens - that's work that you have to do. For fanfic, that work was done for you by the original thing. Not to mention, the publishing world is so absolutely choked with competition, and the emphasis lies so heavily on sales, that if your book isn't fucking top-tier compelling, no publisher or agent will take a second look at it. Which is kind of unfortunate, because there's value in slower, more relaxed, more reflective storytelling, too - it's just not what capitalism has decided to value, which is sad.

But anyway.

When writing an original thing, I basically need a full plan - beginning to end, covering all plot points. Not necessarily all the details, just all the plot points - I need a skeleton and I need connective tissue. The rest comes later. But to start, I need to know what happens, why, and how the characters get from event to event. I need to know the physical story events, the emotional beats, and how those things logically flow throughout the story.

Some people can write without this and it still turns into a compelling story, tight narrative, etc. I envy these people. I have all respect for these people. I cannot do this. If I write original work with no plan, and especially without at least like 50-75% of a plan, I end up with something slow, meandering, and kind of limp. No bueno.

So, I usually use a beat sheet.

What's a beat sheet?

It's a 15-beat plotting structure used by screenwriters. And, yeah, technically it's for movies / screenplays. But storytelling is storytelling. And it's highly flexible. (And my favorite professor ever taught it to me in college so you can pry it out of my cold dead hands.)

Google it. It's what I use to make sure my (original work) plots are tight, have momentum, have a satisfying character arc, etc.

Okay, okay, I'll paste the basic structure below just so you can see wtf I'm talking about:

-_-_-

-Act I:

1) The First Frame

-What is the first thing we see? This should be a snapshot of the main character’s problem, before the story begins

-Ex: the Star Destroyer in A New Hope

2) The World Around Us

-What is the main character’s world like at the beginning of the story?

-What is missing in the main character’s life?

3) State the Theme (sneak this into The World Around Us)

-What is the story secretly about? This should happen during The World Around Us

4) Inciting Incident (smol tentpole)

-What happens to put the hero on the road? This is where the hero’s life changes forever.

5) The Hero Questions

-1st introspective moment

-Can the hero really do this? Should the hero chicken out?

-Oftentimes the hero fails at something

-Ex: Luke gets his ass beat by the raiders

-Act II:

6) Crossing the Threshold / The Emotional Hurdle (big tentpole)

-The main character makes a choice

-Beginning of Act II

7) The B Story / The Love Story

-Introduced here

-Often but not always a love story

8) Promise of the Premise

-Fun and games in the world you promised

-Horror movie? Creeps here!

-Sci fi? Space battles!

-Animation? Shenanigans!

9) Midpoint (big tentpole)

-The hero finds out that what they want is not what they need

-Luke rescues the princess - turns out that’s not really what the story was about

10) Bad Guys Close In / Throwing Rocks

-Events conspire to tear the hero’s goal to shreds

-Wesley is mostly dead, Inego is drunk, Fezzick is part of the brute squad

-This is the other side of the fun and games coin where things are no longer fun

11) All is Lost

-Something super bad happens, and that goal is impossible

-If someone important is gonna die, it’s probably now

12) The Pit of Despair (smol tentpole)

-The hero mourns the death (if someone died) and wallows in his/her lowest point

13) Inspiration

-A fresh idea

-Act III:

14) Come and Get Some / Final Confrontation (big tentpole)

-The final confrontation - the final showdown

-A and B stories wrapping up at the same time

-The theme makes sense and the battle is engaged

15) Final Frame

-Opposite of the first frame

-The hero is changed

-_-_-

It's what I use. But hey, you don't have to. What works for me might not work for you.

I'll finish this off by pasting in a section of actual real-ass planning I have open in a document for one of my novels at this moment (it's giving me the evil eye, I swear) so you can see what I kind of mean by "thought vomiting." Also note that in my actual document, the bullet points are indented incrementally to be kind of "nestled" underneath the relevant points, if that makes sense, and that it's a whole eye-watering mess of different colors. But for Tumblr, it's this:

-_-_-

-You have to be rescued by the rest of the team, because you fell down that hole - and you are, eventually, after screaming yourself hoarse some more (plus it’s been like an hour or more now, so they have since noticed that you were missing)

-I could gloss over this, like end the chapter when you run away, and open the next one with “It takes another half hour of screaming your throat nearly bloody before the team finds you,” or something

-They berate you for chasing after ghosts - you say you didn’t find anyone down there, because you know for damn sure nobody’s gonna believe what you think you saw, and you don’t even think you believe it

-This leads to a trip to the local doctor (a clinic, probs, akin to UrgentCare), which you’re not happy with because that’s more people taking notice of you

-However, you’re also going through the change in mindset here - see below

-Note: I as the writer don’t have to worry about the paperwork or whatever that you’d normally have to fill out, getting hurt on the job, because you weren’t officially hired - however, it would be a good “humanity is okay” moment if the guy who hired you came in and helped you with the medical expenses because he felt bad - he’d also probably be a little nervous about you suing or something, but you assure him that you have zero interest in that

-I could include a funny line where the guy says he’ll pay for your doctor bill and you try to say no (being indebted to someone is bad news for you) but he insists, because he says he feels responsible, and you just kind of stare at him and then blurt, “Do you need me to kill anyone for you?” (Something you probably regret as soon as you say it, not because you expect him to accept but because you abruptly remember what happened two days ago.) (Would it be too much to also add like “You want me to murder anyone for you? You want a blowjob? I will do anything,” and he gets flustered and bats it off like “Nah, nah, nah, chill out. You’re crazy, man.” And insists that you don’t need to pay him back)

-Here’s a decision I have to make - does the guy pay for your doctor bills as well as paying for your work today (leaving you enough money to potentially split town, but you decide not to), or do you have to pay the $2,500+ in doctor bills with no insurance for the injury, which raises the stakes by depleting all your money?

-I think I like Option A best, because it gives Sam more agency as a character if they decide to stay despite having the option to leave, versus them just being stuck completely - plus I don’t know how else I’d be able to explain away you having money for the hotel

-The guy who hired you pays you for the work day here - and maybe, just maybe, that gives you barely enough to buy that used car (although, why would it? It couldn’t have been more than like $200 for 8 hours of work, maybe $300 if he was really really desperate - if it was a really cheap used car, that might give you barely enough to buy the car but literally nothing left over)

-Point being, maybe you have enough money to bolt now, if you chose to - and you have to make the choice not to

-The car you found might be a $1,500 Honda Civic (or Jeep or whatever) with a dead battery, and the guy selling it says it should run fine with a new battery, which you Google (apparently it would be somewhere in the range of $100-$200) - maybe you think of how nice the mechanic was for you and wonder if you could cut a bit of a deal with him, if you get this car - and if the guy pays for your trip to the doctor and pays you for the temp work, this could just tip you into the margin of being able to afford the car, if you haggle with the seller

-_-_-

Or another example, with more actual sentences:

-_-_-

-As you approach the trailer you start to register a smell that turns your stomach - something like a porta potty and something like the sharp tang of rusting metal. It makes you pause - maybe there really is someone in there, using the place to live whether there’s a sewage hookup or not - it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing you’ve heard of. But after standing for a bit, silent and listening, and then hiding behind a large tree to chuck a rock at the vehicle to no response, you continue forward. You’ll just have to be cautious. Your spirits lift when you see the door. It’s completely grown over. (Leafy vines lace over it, tangling in the handle, yellowing and unbroken. If someone is living in there, they’ve been using the window to come and go, and that doesn’t seem all too likely. Bolstered by a new swell of confidence, and picturing the unlikely riches you might find stashed away in a cabinet or a glove compartment, you cross the last few feet towards the shape.

-You find the body and recognize it as one of the two obnoxious vlogging dudes from the motel

-I’m kind of imagining the moment of discovery like the wardrobe moment in Narnia where, during your nice forest trek, there’s been some pleasant acoustic music playing (like All the Pretty Girls by Kaleo maybe) and then it just stops abruptly in the middle of a phrase, maybe echoing slightly, when you see the body, and all at once everything is sickly silent.

-Oh dude, maybe you continue thinking it’s a duffel bag (possibly feeling pretty upbeat, though cautious until you’re literally about to step over it, and then you happen to glance down and get a sickening, chest-slamming shock when an empty human face is staring up at you

-Note: there should be mushrooms growing in, on and around the RV, because mushrooms are Creepy

-You go to investigate the RV

-Maybe you recognized the body as one of the vloggers and you’re trying to see if his friend is around - or maybe, in a kind of sick daze, you short circuit and find yourself doing the only thing you can think to do: continuing along your trajectory, stumbling towards the RV and tearing the rusted-out door free from the lattice of brittle vines that held it in place (this is what alerts The Dude that someone has been here), like if you just get to your original goal that’ll fix everything - somehow, if you just keep moving forward on the track you set out on, that thing won’t be real anymore - at the very least you have to get inside, to put a door between you and the body, like you’re pulling the blankets over your head to shield yourself from the boogeyman. Just as long as you’re not out there with, with...

-_-_-

Anywho, I'll stop.

I apologize again for... (scrolls up for a million miles) all of that, but you asked me about my passion and now you pay the price, lmao.

[drama-and-tv]

First half of 2020 tv shows/dramas completed

SO apparently, my original blog “may contain sensitive media” (how my original blog contains them, I have no idea because I don’t think I have ever written nor posted anything that is inappropriate) so here I am, making a new one even though there are just so so many thoughts I poured in that blog since the beginning of 2018. 

I wish I could put all of the contents from there here. But since I don’t know how to do that, I shall only put up my thoughts on the things that I have completed watching this year (2020) that I have put up from there.

With that being said, here they go... most of them in the original words that I had typed/written from last time. My only change will be the rating (now I shall use the numerical rating since I have figured how to rate things properly in numbers now) :

Season 2 of Sex Education was such a delight to watch! While I do feel that it lacks some Otis and Maeve’s interactions (and wtf is that cliffhanger?), I feel that the other characters are given the opportunity to flesh out and have really good story lines. Definitely a step up to Season 1!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Bad news: The third part/season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is the worst part of the show that I’ve watched so far. Good news: I still somewhat like it.

The main issue of this new-released part is how messy it is story wise. There are far too many things going on that it felt a little bit too chaotic - like there’s the Pagan storyline, there’s that Faustus storyline etc etc. It’s just too much.

What makes me still enjoy it is because of its characters. I am attached to the characters and I wanna see their journeys in this show. For instance, Ambrose and Prudence are probably the standouts in this season because they are just super badass here.

Overall, it’s okay. I would still watch this show when the new set of episodes are released.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Chocolate would’ve been better or ranked higher if they cut down the number of episodes - from 16 to maybe just 8.

Despite its melodramatic tone and ridiculous story line, I actually really enjoyed the initial episodes. I mean okay, the time jumps are a bit too much but I was sold on the emotions and the characters. It’s a melodrama, for crying out loud - it’s not meant to be realistic.

But then, for some unknown reason, it got draggy around the second half of the drama. And it affected my love for the drama. It was like they put a brake on the main plot and save for it the last episode (which it did).

This does not mean that it’s not a good drama. For the most part, I actually enjoyed it and I was invested in the characters’ journeys.

Just that it could be better.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Black Dog was not a drama I thought of watching. The posters and the plot did not make me feel compelled to watch it because for some reason, I thought this drama would be something like those corruption dramas or corporate dramas - while I can enjoy those kind of dramas, I do have to be in the ‘mood’ to watch them.

It was only when I started seeing some gifs/images over Tumblr that I started to consider it. And when more and more people raved about it, I knew that I just have to check it out.

And just like what these people said, it was good. A really good drama, actually! I think what I love about this drama is how realistic it really is. I like that I can actually relate to the world and the characters in the drama. While Haneul and I don’t share the same type of field, I can empathise with her struggles in obtaining/maintaining her employment and sitting for the certification exam. I can empathise with how she tries to navigate the world of school and teaching.

All I know is I have definitely cried or teared up in some of the episodes. (that’s really a feat cause the last time I cried like this in a tv show/drama is season 3 of Anne with an E and we all know how I feel about that show.)

I also love how there is a good balance between drama and comedy in this drama. While this is primarily a drama, I like that it doesn’t feel heavy. It makes it easier to watch multiple episodes in one sitting.

If there is one minor problem with this drama, it is that it feels like the main drama ends with 12 episodes and the remaining 4 episodes are the epilogue or extra episodes. While the remaining 4 episodes are still pretty good, it has somewhat cooled my love for this drama. However, I do appreciate it and it gives a good look at what happened after Haneul’s first year of teaching.

With that, I have contemplated on whether to give this drama the best rating I could give in the drama or the second best. Considering that there is barely any flaw in this drama, I shall give it...

FINAL RATING: 10/10

Season 2 of Kingdom did not disappoint. It maintained the same energy and intrigue that it brought in the previous season. There’s the excitement, there’s the high-quality production and there’s never really a chance for it to falter or drag. Its pacing remains consistent and I remain hooked to the end. I also like that this show does not end in an agonising cliffhanger - it wraps up the main plot that was introduced in the first season and at the same time, teases on what is to come in the possible season 3.

Overall, a really good season!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

I gotta admit, Crash Landing On You was a pretty nice watch! I initially had quite low expectations for this drama - I have hard time being truly engaged in big budget romcoms because they tend to be unrealistic and too fluffy (and I like my dramas pretty realistic).

But to my surprise, I actually really like it. The episodes (particularly the first half of the drama) were candies to the mind and to the eye! Yes, this drama is hella trope-y and there’s a lot of moments which are very unrealistic and are there to be flashy and amp up the romance. But you know, something about this drama just works.

Of course, like a lot of k-dramas, the second half of the drama is less addictive to watch. But it was still a pretty good watch. I mean, it got my mum really addicted and my brother to finally watch a k-drama beyond Kingdom after all these years.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

For someone who doesn’t know shiz about baseball, Stove League was still a very good drama to watch. It has that underdog story (in this drama, the under-performing baseball team for 2 years in a row, Dreams) that makes it easy to root for. It remained tight and consistent throughout its run. Its tone is very balanced - has good balance of serious and comic relief.

And most importantly, it’s not very hard to like the characters that matter.

Overall, very solid drama!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

When the Weather is Fine is really a good drama to watch at the moment, during the midst of this current pandemic. Even though initially (the first episode) it did not win me over due the drama’s slow pace, I gradually enjoy watching it regardless of its pace and eventually, I was hooked.

This drama has a very calming and “healing” aspect to it even though the subjects dealt can be serious. I like that even though there’s some serious issues here, the drama remains well-balanced and still has plenty of light-hearted scenes. Lim Hwi (the male lead’s younger sister) is definitely my favourite character in this drama as she brings a lot of sunshine to the table with her innocent teen self. Also, the comforting presence of the community (whether it being the Good Night Book Club member or the people/families in the neighbourhood etc) along with naturally serene setting make the drama feels warm.

With that, I recommend watching this drama, especially to anyone who wishes to seek comfort and feel warm.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

Netflix’s Never Have I Ever was an unexpected treat for me. I did not know the existence of this show prior to its release. I did not see any of its promos/trailers etc. So there was no expectations whatsoever prior to watching it.

My brother and I only happened to stumble upon it when trying to find something to watch on Netflix. So you can say that this was a present that came out of nowhere because as soon as I just went into it (within the first few minutes), I already really like it!

This show was funny. It was relatable as someone who comes from an Asian background. And most importantly, it has plenty of hearts. Trust me, I was tearing up when watching the last two episodes of this season (I sincerely hope that the show will be renewed for the next season).

Definitely a really nice show to binge quickly as it only has 10 half-hour episodes.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Find Me in Your Memory was a pretty decent watch. Yes, it is a very standard kdrama in the sense that the plot is very very generic and there are so so many obvious tropes here. However, its characters and the chemistry of the main leads still made it worth a look. This drama might not be the most unforgettable or unique drama out there, but it is very easy to watch and it makes a good addition to anyone’s watchlist if you want something straightforward and not complicated.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Man, A Piece of Your Mind could have easily been this perfect drama that I’ve ever watched this year had it only retained its original length. It is not to say that this drama is not good - it is as of now, actually one of the top dramas among the dramas I’ve watched this year.

This drama basically fits the type of drama I typically love: a realistic drama which examines more on its characters and focuses on emotions etc. Yes, I know people have complained that it is very slow but to me, that was part of its charm. I love slowly getting to know its characters and how they are feeling etc. I like being emotionally connected to them and follow on their journeys.

So I’m just sad the drama was cut from 16 episodes to 12 (reason being because of its low number of audiences). While the drama did its extreme best in making it work and it does not affect the main plot of the drama other than speeding things up nor does it really diminish my enjoyment for this drama, I’m just sad on what could’ve been if they were able to keep the extra 4 hours to the story. Like, we could’ve gotten better exploration on the characters etc (especially for instance that character who was played by the evil mother in law from Search: WWW and the Eunjoo’s Homestay residents and even frigging Hoon, Hawon’s colleague... like why was he even in the grandma’s house in the countryside?) . Things would’ve been more... organically unfold.

Despite all this, I still really enjoy watching this drama and I still remain invested in the characters’ journeys etc. Our main leads’ relationship feels warm and comforting. The vibe of this drama is just my kind of taste. And most importantly, I feel comforted watching it until the end.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

With that being said, those are some of the shows/dramas that I have completed up until now. Others that I have completed are season 2 of The Sinner (5/10), ITV’s Belgravia (6/10), Netflix’s The Circle France (soooo entertaining with plenty of drama and strategies, 8/10), season 18 of American Idol (8/10) and most recently, Netflix’s Extracurricular (I will eventually share my thoughts on it soon).

Stay tuned.

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part Two: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 1-5

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Three | TaT)

Contents: Me losing my mind in multiple ways each chapter, helpful links, nighttime garden cousins, an Irene pun, notes from my second read, “mwt is just like going for it,” and “this is so fucked up and heartwarming.”

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Volume 2

Illustration

Book 2 bro

Now we’re caught up and changed forever by lots of things

What printer’s apprentice made this?

Elephants!

Chapter 1

175. me too, Costis, me too. I am so tired. (it’s hard to sleep when your brain and heart and everything are fizzing because you’re reading Return of the Thief for the first time and a new Queen’s Thief book for the last time) 

176. Klimun + Gerosthenes vibes [moon doodle]

Holes in documents. That’s cute

Gen!!! <3

Wtf Ansel was hoodwinked!

177. The Queen waited

They’re ridiculous

Hi Pheris

Wtf he stole her earrings for Melheret?!?

178. Excuse me??? What is this book (sleeveless leather tunic)

He still roams!!!

Tattoos!

179. a sentence I never fucking expected to read ever “The absence of tattoos…”

180. that’s interesting

Stacked like kindling wow oh dear

181. She wants him to move in lol

Lol sorry Ion

Did she just want them to leave the room?

182. I can’t with this… I can’t. Why is sex symbol Relius canon. (the play that featured him! It’s great, it’s great, it was just a lot to take in!)

Silver crown?

183. Cleon! Rude!

Did they call Costis to deck him?

Queen scene!! <3

184. This is an epic. Abt Costis. Dirty stranger

185. he’s “the high king”

Lol

187. prophet (Pheris sure makes Costis sound like one)

Shut up Piloxides

188. resources for war! (book launch foreshadowing part two! She talked a lot about this kind of thing as well, and recommended the book Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army)

189. “we”

What were you gonna say (Gen almost says something to Costis part one)

193. RIP The Magus Archives … it was not to be. Yet.

194. Melenze’s doorstep. Why? Bc Melenze is Ferria’s dog. (idk dude that line from ACoK has just never left me)

195. This is … a big war

196. Oh gen

Nighttime garden cousins.

Chapter 2

197. wtf did Relius think of that play

Also … not a peep from the sacred mountain huh

198. wtf will happen with Cleon

with Erondites

with THE MOUNTAIN

a lot going on

everyone was in that room but Kamet! So close!

199. Cute Fordad + Gen friendship (I never said these notes would make me look smart)

Same 2 T + R! :) It’s not them is it? (I NEVER SAID THESE NOTES WOULD MAKE ME LOOK SMART)

Poor Teleus

200. gdi Gen

Excuse me? Is he worried for Pheris??? (taking his tablet)

They trust each other! C’mon!

Sure he has reasons

202. oh dear. :( that’s … the worst cover story

Also falling

203. wow almost like a story huh

Ula’s altar :(

Why haven’t we had a Gen and Costis scene IN THREE BOOKS

205. I just … I don’t know if he’s just miserable or if it’s all a plan. I feel like I should know it’s all a plan. But he really feels like he has far to go. He’s just a mess and the same and so different. (having a small Gen meltdown)

205. he did give him the gun

Odd that he missed Quedue

206. he’s gonna bite them (buckle up! it’s abdication time!)

207. Power. Power. Power. Power.

Thx 4 the editorializing Pheris

208. Gen is making choices. That’s a choice.

209. There’s KoA down the drain

Aaaand he’s Eugenides

“Eugenides stared into the future”

The page of like 3 different tumblr posts: Trophy husband, Library, No! yes!

210. make sure he doesn’t leave lol

211. Pheris :(

Also fucked up timing for Irene

I love them

212. again with the birthday book

He’s still the king in the narration

Go on the roof! So close!

213. EUGENIDES IS ALWAYS APPROPRIATE my motto

Viper! Bastard!

Oh shit. I love them.

214. “our treaty” “our queen”

AAAH! Wedding night!

Asked her to leave!

Smash Erondites and peace out, literally

215. a frank talk

HE SAID IT.

216. The Bructs?

Wait is this his grandfather (taking a moment to remember all about Susa)

Also that’s Costis territory

217. who is this lion

218. #3 to Gen.

219. hmmm ring

There’s been a lot to unpack wow.

Did this happen, Pheris? Pheris?! 

220. Atté atté!

(Dear reader: for some strange reason, I completely forgot about taking notes on the final pages of this chapter. These notes are from when I reread those pages a few minutes later.)

Erondites full cup to brimming

The Pherises…

We must think of others before ourselves … occasionally

I do not like Orutus

Don’t fence Costis in! Does this count as prison? No (I had a square on my bingo board for “someone ends up in prison” ... but it turned out to be for someone else)

221. damn Costis

Aaah

Costis …

Irene… your jokes (I mean, it’s a joke, but also it is very real for her.)

SHE SAID IT!

My heart

222. where is Relius going?

SPYING

What you see and what you think it means (I love these instructions/this quote so much)

So are Susa + Erondites 2gether or what (listen ... proximity generates meaning in these books)

Also, like

What can

I say

WHAT CAN I SAY (Hell yeah! Never more glad to be wrong about the magus)

[page long list of doubles and parallels - from Cleons and Pherises and Ions to god-character and character-character connections]

Also the fact that in KoA and TaT Relius was like … oh … no … I just live a gentle life being friends with my king and queen and being scholarly. But no. He’s SPYING and TRAVELING MYSTERIOUSLY and has MANY LOVERS and also has been WITH TELEUS ALL ALONG and there is a PLAY written about him and he has a ~messenger~ network and PLAYS THE FLUTE and DOESN’T MAKE HIS BED and DISLIKES MATH and oh and he’s VERY HANDSOME! (Yes I was losing it, I hope my note from after the poem helps show some of the feelings behind this rant.)

Fucking … Wine shop. Should have known.

Chapter 3

224. ominous

Hello magus!

Sophos … babe (his impatience!)

225. Magus … cool your socks that’s your bff (he’s just describing Helen’s dead body! Fun!!!!)

In the van

That was good I love them

Why is it Couples Hour?

226. finally we’re out of the capital of Attolia

Ok they’re so cute

She was NEVER Helen in ACoK narration! 

Also – Pheris. This is all Pheris. (Pheris plus information others told him!)

227. Bringing each other up to date – that’s their thing. Talking forever

All this talk of shooting Therespides

228. EX FUCKING SCUSE ME (time to learn a lot about the country of Eddis)

He was 15! (or almost 15)

He didn’t know! Or did he!

The MoW!

All thru Pheris

Fuck you magus

When did he know

229. EXCUSE ME

The emeralds?

Assumed the worst?

That classic quote about little to do with winter but with “seducing other people’s lovers”

230. yeah Sophos that’s a lost cause (“spare me my blushes”)

Also she didn’t answer you

What are they laughing about (the generally nameless men we’re learning many things about this chapter)

233. Gen I think it’s fair to say that was a mistake

234. wtf Gen

GEN! he just. Had those. (the jewels!)

Her crown

I cannot

235. Gen!

237. Crash

Her CHANGES

238. THESE TWO

239. called annux

Yeah it’s like … a family meeting (the war council)

Bring your father to work day

241. Oh no.

Stenides! Boagus!!!!!!!

EDDIS!

Wolves! Lol

mwt is just like going for it

243. aww

Eddis > Boagus > Gen

244. Yeah I’m with her on this. (“if that doesn’t frighten you, it should”)

Chapter 4

245. Gen and Magus scene yes!

Two people affected by his long hair (Gen and the magus? I think?)

Pheris are you there?

Gen … you used to wish yourself out of existence

Wow

Hair vanity

Yeah also battlefield

Ion is a darling tbh

248. Is he. Is he going to fight all of them

Also they are all his cousins huh

AULUS! I liked you!

Same, Hilarion

Taking a page out of Costis’s book?

You have definitely seen it before. (I mistook his lie for truth!)

Will Costis hear about this? (please)

249. #4 to Gen!

Pheris where are you

Why doesn’t the Continent want to conquer them (do I get partial credit for this)

A tattoo!

250. “Do not offend the gods”

Honestly … too bad Helen DIDN’T do this

251. he said he’d give all he had

I’m sure there are rules

253. Just men? :( (let everybody fight him!)

Ornon is back! I mean, of course he is

Also yea they practice

HELLO ORNON

A house being built … or one knocked down. Nice

Is Teleus in on this?

254. Pheris called him my king!

255. I wanna know which guards though

:( he’d been faking

Kicked him in the head (ouch)

256. “when he fell”

I … don’t like this

He never gives up. The thieves don’t have limits. They have flash points.

Stepped on his hand

“Enough Gen” – what Irene said?

257. :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

The magus. I forgot he was there.

The magus said … nevermind …

The magus is probs very into this as a cultural thing. Also he was talking to the MoW

Pigeon. The sky. :( Like in TT (OH BOY, THE SKYYYY)

If there was a god, Pheris would see…

258. They’ve, they’ve been through a lot.

Oh god what’s next

259. I … no. not in his arms to the palace.

The palace where….

The stairs…

They are all 3 lookers. Basilisks and brass and lead

I hate this. But I love this.

I will someday see this differently.

Ah yes… the grunt. Approval.

260. Honestly, this is so fucked up and heartwarming. These books.

Lol don’t defend Hilarion, we know him

Eddis visits him.

Attolia watches him.

261.WTF Gen. I knew it. Why.

Crying or laughing? Crying? :(

How does this not undermine her now that he is her king?

But … what he wouldn’t do for her.

262. “he did fine”

This book is like… Reasons Gen Says Sorry

So, so… - Helen

GEN!

263. I am right. I am always right. It’s a curse.

Helen :( :( :(

The amount of times these people have seen him beaten.

He’s like … self destructive, but in a way that gives himself more power. Which he hates.

Gen, let them in. Let them in.

Chapter 5

264. honeycomb

OH NO. is it happening?

266. I’m just supposed to accept this?!! What does it mean?!

267. … a my king moment … important

But like … now can he fight?

Caryatid? [doodle after I looked it up]

268. Teleus!

C’mon Teleus. Everyone you love or respect loves him!

Honestly Pheris and Teleus … not a duo I expected

THESE TWO ARE SO DEDICATED TO TELLING HIM THAT! Ok I should chill. At least he said “may.” These are like … Pheris’s life lessons.

Honestly… I love that Teleus likes poetry, or at least likes it for Relius.

269. Lol Legarus. It’s been years! I mean, I guess that was a big deal for him… (almost being executed is a big deal for most people.)

Does he not love Gen because of Relius? Because Gen manipulated him? Because he keeps sending away his successor? Why on earth not! Hop on that train! (...)

It’s interesting that their relationship is the one that touches Pheris, not Gen and Irene. Hm.

Also … “Idiot.” The parallels.

“relatively gently” (it’s so good)

~Teleus here to talk about love~

This book is full of surprises.

270. That is NOT the bright side, Gen (“I could use my newfound authority to insist on going into battle”)

271. BUNNY! Wtf is a wineglass warrior

Very cute everyone, good job.

Still sad about Helen’s tears.

271. Gen. Don’t say these things. [volcano doodle]

272. SEE I was worried about this! The doubt!

I am not ok

This is TOO MANY Eddisian Revelations (Lader time)

Yeah. Wow.

273. Cleon x5

I … his grandfather

No.

Baby Helen begging

How did Pheris get this scene

Gen chose Cleon for his plan

275. IRENE WITH THE STATS!

276. lol Gen

My brother Sounis!

277. Missing Relius club.

Where is he though

Yes! Sophos Gen food fight!

Grapes!

“Wisdom”

He’s “the king” here and in KoA bc that’s the story but also that’s who he is to Pheris and Costis

278. So how did that Irene and MoW meeting go anyway?

How does Aulus know???

Thief short story! Probably terrible to reread, oh no

279. Are … are Aulus and Boagus together???! (“his slightly smaller partner��)

This feels … potentially traumatic … but fun? Idk

Fleece

280. This dang book. No rules!

The chandelier! So dramatic!

Mwt had … a lot to put into this one. A lot. A lot.

283. “not the Thief he was chasing”

284. The queens! The salute!

He can’t give this up.

Official Worries:

100,000 soldiers heading towards Kamet

Re: Lyopidus, Gen called Sophos his brother. Helen apparently might BE his sister. Temenus and Stenides are also going to a war where 9/10 will probably die.

Also

the MoW could have been a king if he’d stolen Helen’s throne. A lot there.

why does this book have the vibe of the library post, my comic from 2010, the king and queen interactions here, and the military tactics dream

[luvuwite]

.. all of them?

i’m gonna shit myself

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

only super close people know my middle name, and if you know it then i trust you with my life

tbh i love my middle name, its just really special to me ;;

2. are you artistic?

i draw!!

3. Have you had your first kiss?

i still have virgin lips

only people i kiss are my mom sister and dad

4. What is your life goal?

to make a video game about my ocs!!

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

i do not

6. Do you play any sports?

not yet

7. What’s your worst fear?

abandonment without explanation 

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

my friends.....my homies.....my family.... they all inspire me

9. Do you have any cool talents?

i can DRAW!!!

10. are you a morning person?

oh god no i hate mornings

11. How do you feel about pet names?

well what else are you gonna name it

12. Do you like to read?

not really;; i’m not really a book person

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

my little pony

spongebob squarepants

steven universe 

powerpuff girls 

the owl house @sugarbreadz

most likely more

14. Do you care about your follower count?

nope!! i’m just glad to reblog stuff i like

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

i had this dream where i could fly and it was really nice,,

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

never kissed someone

17. Do you have any pets?

my sister

18. Are you religious?

nop

19. Are you a people person?

i don’t like being alone but i don’t like being in big crowds of people

20. Are you considered popular?

not that i would think so?

21. What is one of your bad habits?

nail biting, hair pulling, lip biting

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

would rather not say

23. What would you name your children?

liam for boye, and penny for gal,,//

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

i do not have one

25. What’s your best subject?

math!!! mATHHHHH

26. Dogs or cats?

CATSSS KITTTYSSS

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

instagram thanks to q

28. best friends name?

@duckstrashcan, @sugarbreadz, @flash-darlinq, @reinhardtist, @sugarsprinkles14, @pastyl-pearldrop, @oni-darling

29. who does your main family consist of?

small

30. Chocolate or sugar?

CHOOOOOCOLAAAAATE

31. have you ever been on a date?

nope !!

other than a joke date from @sugarbreadz

32. Do you like roller coasters?

YES VERY MUCH

33. Can you swim?

yes!! i love swimming

34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse?

if i’m starting to die, make my death quick and painless pls

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

i don’t think i have a mental disorder?

36. Are your parents together?

yes 

37. What’s your favorite color?

PURPLEE

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Massachusetts 

39. Favorite singer?

the neighborhood

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

not really

41. Do you like dresses?

,,mayb//

42. Favorite song right now?

SWEATER WEATHERRR

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

makes me flustered

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

12

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

nop

46. Have you ever done yoga?

in 8th grade

47. Are you a horror girl?

not really? what

48. Are you good at giving advice?

people say i am so yes i thiNK

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

i climbed trees a lot and my parents always thought i was missing

50. How are you doing today?

better than yesterday!! and progress is progress

51. Were you a cute kid?

i was squishy and small

52. Can you dance?

no but,, i wanna learn how to,,

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

sometimes i say things that i’ll forget hours later

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

yes!! i dyed it black once in-

,,

@flash-darlinq :)

55. What color are your eyes?

green.....green

56. What’s your favorite animal?

penguin son quvuqite

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

oh yeah

many times

and i regret every single one

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

i would say so

59. Do you have good friends?

i would say so, i love my friends!!

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

me and all my friends are gay

61. What’s your favorite class?

MATTHHHHHH

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

waits for the next hilda series this fall

63. Are you organized?

yes

yes.

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

the nightmare before christmas 

10/10

65. Which tv character do you relate to most?

uhhh amity because gay lesbian falling for oblivious idiot

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

my motivation and numbness

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

draw because draw

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

treat it the same, except now i don’t have to feel pressured to rush anything

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

uhh be more truthful TBH

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

treat situation differently, and stop being an idiot over somethings i really wish i could’ve changed

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

yes

74. When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?

uhhhhhh years ago

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

something/somewhere warm and comforting and safe

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

i can’t really do anything about it right nOW so i’m just waiting for highschool to be over to go to college

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

game developer

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

nothing? i’m doing fine right now

79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

over something that anger my younger self

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

overstressing about reality and not understanding things i should already know

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

bruh i be studying but look at me now HAHIUWEHRQWI

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

draw

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

on friends and for me clothes and sweaters and food haoipwjrwqWQHIERQWEJI

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

past

85. What motivates you to succeed?

people i love around me

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

bro i dunno

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

somewhere outside the city but not super far away

88. Do you believe in life after death?

uhhh i’m so-so about it

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

my english teacher since he has taught me many valuable life lessons

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

to be honest i actually don’t know

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

looking away

anyways

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

,,,,,LOOKING AWAY

ANYWAYS.//

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

don’t waste your tears on something you know is fake

94. What do you think happens after we die?

we die

the end

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

STEAL MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

uhhhhhh i’ll pass on this one

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

wtf no 

surprise me hoe

98. How did your first crush develop?

haha

anyways

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

haHA 

anyways.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

if i’m being honest

i’m just another face/background character in the crowd

someone that you’d basically drop in no time if you had the chance to pick someone else to be with

[theycallmegothboy]

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

[for-ests]

Always Enough- Peter Parker x Reader

Okay so this imagine was an anon request that I had previously posted, but I accidentally deleted. I didn't mean to, so here’s a re-upload. Happy finals & sorry my dumbass clicked the wrong button on tumblr mobile because im stupid

Summary (bc the request deleted w/ the post): The reader realizes she had been neglecting Peter because she was stressed over school. Peter thinks there might be another reason because she has become distant. Confrontation and angst follows!

Word count: 2, 360

✭♡✭♡✭♡✭

Finals were a killer, especially for a nursing major like yourself. The stress of it all made you want to curl up into a ball and cry. Cry for hours until you couldn't cry no more. 

But that wasn't an option. What you dreamed of becoming, something simple, yet incredibly difficult, was growing out of reach. Your hours of studying had led you nowhere, only to barely tangible grades. Grades that were barely above average. You were disappointed, discouraged, and running out of options.

What else would you do with your life? Becoming a nurse was the only thing you had ever wanted to be, it was all you knew. Ever since aliens rained in the sky, your only motive was to help the ones who couldn't help themselves. But how could you ever hope to do that when you couldn't pass biochem?

What didn't help your anxious mind was the house you had to stress over, and your minimum wage restaurant job that didn't add to your required expertise. Tears welled in your eyes as you remembered you had to lay a payment down on your ever-increasing student loans. Maybe college wasn't for you. Perhaps it was never meant to be. Your summer money was running out and fast.

Just breathe. You repeated. I don't have time to cry.

You could cry after you studied. And right now, you had barely glanced at your flashcards for more than ten minutes. It seemed like you were paralyzed, sitting in bed with your flashcards scattered around you, all of them laid out and waiting for involvement.

Just as you were about to pick up the first card, your phone buzzed beside you. Instinctively, you glanced at it, your heart dropping when you saw Peter's name flash across the screen.

Date. You had a date night, and you forgot.

"Fuck!" You cursed out loud, the tears you had tried so hard to control seeming to burst over your eyelids. How could you forget?

Peter: I'll be there in 15 minutes :D

You replied immediately, glancing at yourself in the phone's reflection. You looked terrible and distraught beyond compare.

Y/N: Peter…im so sorry I forgot, i'm not ready

Peter: oh

Y/N: i have a huge exam soon, maybe its for the best that we rain check? i'm sorry I know ive done this before but im really stressed about it

Peter: we havent talked for days, y/n, i think theres more going on than what youre telling me

Y/N: what? of course not wtf

Peter: im coming over anyways, ill be there soon

Y/N: why?

Peter: we have to talk.

Your heart dropped down to your stomach. Those words were what you had been dreading, and all focus you had managed to gather vanished into thin air. You knew you had been neglecting Peter's affections. Even if every fiber in your being wanted to make him the single most important thing in your life.

It had been almost a week since you'd seen him, and honestly, it was painful in the most innocent way.

But Peter didn't have to worry like you did. He was gifted and already had his entire life ahead of him, set in the middle of Stark industries. But you never asked for a handout, you never asked for help. Even though you knew he was the smartest young man around. You were proud to be his, and the thought of that disappearing was more detrimental to you that failing your upcoming exam.

Y/N: ok, front door is open

Tears were rolling down your cheeks at this point. You had been with Peter for over a year and had gone without seeing him for longer, but he was right. This time was different. This was the third date you had canceled without wanting to, but sometimes apologizing wasn't enough. Peter deserved a lengthy explanation of what you were really going through.

You were so used to holding back your emotions, that times like this were an occasional reoccurrence. You had always been so afraid of unloading your burdens onto others that you still sometimes forgot that having a boyfriend came with that perk. He was still going to love and cherish you if you asked for help and advice. Hell, you needed to realize that he wanted to.

That was a factor of why you were so in love with Peter. He always listened, and sometimes, even push the truth out of you when he could tell you needed it.

"You're already crying, huh." A sad smile was on Peter's face as he opened the door. His sudden appearance startled you, and you managed to chuckle despite the circumstances.

"You know me." You sniffled, immediately embarrassed by the state he had caught you in. Instinctively, you brushed your hair to the side and dabbed the tears from under your eyes. You could feel the remnants of Make-up drying to your skin.

"I didn't mean to ruin your study-"

"But we need to talk." You finished, shoving your school supplies to the edge of the bed. You made enough room, so he was able to sit comfortably.

Slightly embarrassed, you kept your gaze averted as best as you could. Just Peter's presence made your heart flutter, and a part of you was trying to prepare for the worst. You might really lose him this time. And for what? Yes, school was incredibly important, so, so important. But so was Peter, and you needed to find a balance.

Your silence was enough to beckon Peter's thoughts into the open.

"I just need to make sure you're still serious… about us." His voice was soft as if it was struggling to stay neutral.

Finally, gaining the courage to look at him, you locked eyes. Peter's gaze was heavy and forthcoming, and it took all of your willpower to swallow the knot in your throat.

"Of course, I am." The conviction was entirely evident in your tone. So much so, that Peter fell silent. His accusations seemed to die in his throat, but he knew that if he didn't get them out now, they would creep back to him later.

"It's hard to tell sometimes," Peter muttered, unable to gaze at your confused expression. You looked so hurt.

Your silence beckoned him to continue.

"I haven't properly talked with you in a week. You've canceled our last three dates… it seems like you never want to hang out with me anymore."

Peter winced. He was a grown man, and he sounded like a child. Yet, he had let so many things slide, hoping you would come around, hoping you would make it up to him. Perhaps he had been selfish to only think of himself in the relationship. He failed to realize that maybe in attempts to please him, you were putting your own future on the line. 

"I know you're going through a lot, but you can't even seem to talk about it." Peter's shoulders felt tense, his eyebrows knitting together in an agitated expression. His leg was bouncing up and down uncontrollably. He looked like he was about to burst.

"I'm sorry." You said, trying to swallow the knot in your throat. Pausing, you tried to gather your thoughts into cohesive sentences that would soothe his anxious mind.

"There's nobody else, right?" He suddenly blurted, actually turning his head to look at you. Insecurity was glazed in his eyes for the first time.

"Why would you even think that?" You said, startled. The question felt as if he had shoved your head underwater and held it there just long enough for you to choke on the liquid.

His expression was blank for the first time. Vulnerability at its finest. "My life isn't perfect, you know. I overthink just like you. I need reassurance."

Peter was so calm, so calm that it worried you. Though you were already afraid of how this conversation would go, it hurt you to realize that this conversation was the result of your actions. You failed to make Peter feel special like you had promised. Like he had promised you. Relationships go both ways, and for the last couple of weeks, it had only gone one.

"No, Peter. There will never be anyone else."

He sighed, relaxing slightly. "You've been acting weird. I don't really know what to think."

"I told you a billion times, I'm studying. After work, that's literally all I do. And I need to focus."

"I feel like there's more. It feels weird to not see a text from you when I wake up. It feels weird to not hear your voice. I don't… I don't like it, Y/N. Even if that's selfish."

And selfish it was. Peter expected you to be transparent while he was hiding possibly the biggest secret in the world. Maybe that was why he was so worried about how much you loved him. Peter wanted to be honest with you. He wanted you to know he was spider-man, but right now, he still couldn't bring himself to. Perhaps he was looking for a reason.

"I'm sorry." Your hands were clenched in your lap. "I've never had to deal with this before. Everything is so new, even if we've been together for a year. I've never cared about anyone like this, and I can't manage my time."

Peter paused as if every word in this conversation pained him to no end. His eyes were glossy, his mind unclear. He was desperately trying to understand why you were isolating himself. "You can't make any time for me?"

"That's the thing, I can't focus on anything else when I'm with you." Your lip quivered. "And that's a problem."

"It's not for me." He said quickly. "I make time for you, and you don't for me. And you need to tell me why."

You glanced away, embarrassed. No matter what you said, the reason wouldn't be good enough. You were just a bad girlfriend.

Peter reached his hand out and pulled you to him. You rested your chin upon his shoulder, soothed to feel his warmth once again. "You need to tell me, Y/N. We've made it work for this long, and all of a sudden, it stopped."

Your body started to shake. Trying to muffle your sob, you brought your hand to your mouth. It was all too much.

"-You have your whole life together, Peter. I have nothing, I still have to work for it. I'm not as smart as you, I'm-"and that's when the tears started to flow. It was a literal flood, tear after tear poured over your eyelids until they were bloodshot, until pressure pounded through your head.

Before you could finish, your face was pressed against Peter's chest. He held you tightly, his sweatshirt dabbing up your tears of sorrow. You gripped tightly to him, releasing the stress that had been building up inside of you for the last two weeks.

He did not know what else to do. Showing you that he loved you seemed like the most viable option. Sometimes all you had to do was listen, and that was enough.

"I got a bad grade on my midterm exam, one that I didn't study for because I spent my time with you—I thought-"

"Shh." He stroked your hair, understanding what you meant without a complete explanation.

"I work so hard, and it's never enough-"

"It's always enough, Y/N."

"I got so caught up in it that I neglected you in the process. So much so that you thought I was cheating on you" you inhaled sharply, whimpering against him, so many different emotions swirling through your mind. "You're the best thing in my life, and I put you second…"

"Look at me, Y/N." He cupped your cheeks in a swift movement, forcing you to look at him through tear-filled eyes. "You are enough for me. That's why I bothered to have this conversation with you. That's why I care." He pressed his lips against your forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Peter." You tilted your head up to kiss him wholly on the lips. You were a mess, but Peter had always told you that you looked beautiful when you cried.

"Rosy cheeks." He whispered, patting down your hair, inhaling your scent, and appreciating the beauty you constantly radiated.

You chuckled, sniffling loudly. Peter always said that after you had a successful mental break down, your cheeks brandished a rosy shade.

"Shut up." You whispered, tightening your grip around his torso. His back fell against your bed, and you shifted to lay completely on top of him. The firmness of his chest underneath you caused instant relaxation, instant relief. Maybe, just maybe, being in his presence was enough to get rid of the stress from everyday life.

The corners of your eyes were raw and red, yet it complimented your shade. Peter vowed from the moment he had met you, that he would never let any harm come to you. The last thing Peter had ever expected was that he might be the reason, instead of the world.

At least, for now, he had the power to fix it. You were the love of his life, and he had never felt so gratified to be in anyone else's presence.

Peter's fingers traced light, small circles on your back. He could hear your heartbeat slow. The softness of your finger against his was enough to help him close his eyes.

He was at peace, real peace for the first time in weeks.

"We need to remind ourselves to talk about shit more." You mumbled sleepy, almost inaudible. "So this doesn't happen again, because I hate it."

"Me too, babe." He whispered, content with watching you rise and fall in sync with his breathing.

"I couldn't bear to lose you."

[klarolinedrabbles]

What are some of the tvd to fandoms greatest hits so to speak... I was only in it for a short time and then jumped out because I couldn't stand to

Oh, well allow me to be your guide. This will be under a read more because I already know, I’m gonna write a whole essay. Shout out to my ride or die @hellsbellschime.

I don’t think any overtly crazy happened during the good!TVD years. No wait, I’m lying.

The year the spin-off got announced, I believe it was tvguide, that posted an article with like info tidbits for currently airing shows. And one of them, was that Hayley was pregnant with Klaus’ kid. I remember this shit so clearly, man. Everyone was so confused. And then they were like SURPRISE, APRIL FOOLS. Because it was in fact April 1st. So ha-ha we all had a laugh, great. Fastforward to what, late April? Episode 4x20 airs, and it’s exactly what happened???

That whole day btw, the day the backdoor pilot for TO aired was just insanity. I’ll say that about a lot of days in this answer, but that day was really just something else. Like we were delirious, that’s the only way I can explain what happened on here. It was a nightmare but also one of the funniest night’s I’ve ever spent on here. I gotta go back for old time’s sake and reblog some of the shit from that night because we all snapped. And not in the good way. 

The TVD 100th. Now, we knew Joseph was coming back for that episode so they hype was real. Because up until that point, we’d gotten a huge load of nothing in regards to Klaroline. They released a trailer, a short one, that’s still in my favorites folder on youtube to this day. I rewatch it all the time because it’s iconic. And there was literally .002 seconds of Klaroline. It’s Caroline standing and then Klaus says “hello, caroline” and everyone lost their shit so much when it dropped that ‘hello caroline’ trended ww on twitter. 

THE DAY THE NETWORK THAT AIRED TVD IN AUSTRALIA AIRED A PROMO WITH THE KLAROLINE KISS IN 5X11. ICONIC. I literally woke up, logged on at around 11 AM my time, and my dashboard was on fire. It was the BEST. We didn’t know wtf to do, it was amazing. 

Paleyfest. Ohhhh buddy, lemme tell ya. So TVD/TO got chosen to have the CW panel’s at Paleyfest that year. Everyone was on a bit of edge because TO to that point was what, almost done with S1 and Klaroline had been given the mega cold-shoulder despite being the very thing other than the Mikaelson’s that got used to lure people in? After the pregnancy plot from hell, everyone was ready to peace tf out, but we got halted because it was a ‘ohh of course it’s gonna continue’ then they tried to nip Klaroline in the bud with 5x11 and no one was having it. So Paleyfest was where we were gonna get some ANSWERS, DAMMIT. I live on the east coast and the festival was held in the west coast so I wasn’t awake when it was happening. I remember making a post about how ‘going to sleep, and hoping when I woke up the answers were good.’. So I went to sleep, woke up a few hours later like 2-3 AM my time, and checked my blog and the first message I had was ‘don’t wake up stephanie, everything is a mess, stay asleep where everything’s fine’ I—

The gist of that was, they basically set JoMo up to be the bad-cop in shutting down Klaroline. He gave this long answer that made absolutely zero sense. The girl who asked the question about Klaroline, who was like 13 at the time, got called a bully for even asking a question at an event she paid to be at. A mess. And JP was like NO CROSSOVERS, ORGANIC, BLAH BLAH. And Paul was sitting next to her going “why can’t the show’s just intersect”, he was right and he said it. 

I can’t remember if this was S1 or S2, but somebody tweeted something and Carina replied ‘when you’re found dead in your basement with klaroline written on you this is why’ or something like that, that was a ~fun~ night. And then like half an hour later she was like “I’m sorry, I’ll never tweet about Klaroline again just leave me alone” if you’ve ever seen this fandom refer to ourselves as basement dwellers, this night is why. 

NARDUCCI. Can’t forget him. Talk about a man who just didn’t get it. And I don’t mean Klaroline, he just didn’t get anything, nothing in his head has ever clicked, I’m convinced. He used to pick fights on twitter repeatedly. Admitted once that he missed his flight because he was on twitter…arguing with a fan. AND ONE DAY, he decided to just—snap. Went on this hours long tirade against the Klaroline fandom, essentially calling everyone stupid because no one was appreciating the ‘art’ of the show. So when I say it lasted hours, I mean that. Now, you’d think, that he would be done, right? WELL, apparently that wasn’t enough, so the next day, he continued. I remember because I was in this gc on whatsapp, and I remember Erika sending a message to the gc going “omg, Narducci vs KCers round 2″ when I tell you I screamed. The man went on a two-day rampage against this fandom and it was insane. 

S6/S2 of TVD/TO was not a fun time. I can genuinely say it was borderline a chore to come on here during that time. It wasn’t fun, every day someone was in argument with someone from production on twitter. Truly the worst year of the fandom, imo. So S7/S3 rolls around and that’s where shit went nuclear. 

Hillary and I, are minding our own damn business, when someone come’s to us with information regarding the new seasons. This was post-SDCC, so it’s like the lull of September, waiting for the seasons to start in October. And we get approached with information, talkin bout how Caroline’s gonna be pregnant with Alaric’s twins in S7. When I tell you we didn’t know wtf to do. And we had to like wait on confirmation about it but then we found out it was legit and we were pissed. Literally ask us if we wanted to be in the spoiler game, the answer is no tf we did not. And she and I basically spent two days complaining. LIKE UGHHHH WE DON’T WANNA DO THIS, BUT ALSO THIS IS DISGUSTING, WE CAN’T JUST LET THEM SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE, BUT AGHH WHY US. So we chose collectively, as a duo, because das my other half yo, to blab. 

That went over as best as anyone could hope for it to go. Now, flashforward yet again, this time to around late Novemeber/December. I had been sent word that something was going down. TVD/TO lost their Thursday slots and got bumped to Friday’s, so a plan was going on, and they made one. We’d heard that they were rearranging something mid-season because they were gonna make a crossover work, publicly we found out it would be Paul and JoMo that crossover back-to-back. THEN ONE NIGHT—I call it black friday bc  that day was a fucking mess—, a friend of mine was friends with an SCer, I wanna say, and she was hearing word that the crossover did have Klaus and Caroline interact via phone call, but that it was very definitively an ending. Because they spoke about Camille and Stefan, etc, etc. Like a closing of the book type thing. So okay, we were like devastated, everyone on twitter was losing their shit. Everyone was pissed, and @-ing the writers all these crazy, sad things, we were a wreck. Ask Hillary about this night because she, I remember, describes it as ‘logging on and reading what everyone else had and not understanding why tf everyone was mad about it’. It was the first and last time that our roles were reversed, and bless her for it. 

SO WE’RE SITTING THERE, it’s Saturday, and we kept getting more information and we were like…something isn’t right here. So we did a bit of digging, spoke to a few people and waited it out. LO AND BEHOLD, everything we’d heard about the phone call was false. There was a phone call but the CKers and SCers were so mad about what was actually said in it, that a few of em, ring leaders of the feeble minded, made up a version and passed it around their fandoms as legit till it eventually worked it’s way over to us. So we all jumped the gun on fake information, lmfskdnknsks. Rumor has it, you can still hear Hillary yelling ‘I told you so’ at me through our group chat. 

So all was well, I couldn’t tell everyone why not to panic, just that they didn’t need to. Until, this account popped up called tvdspoiler or something on twitter, also saying false information about the phone call. Sending everyone into a panic yet again. I remember this because I was at  kmart with my mom, and the kmart by my house was in a basement so I had no cell service. I was able to send like a couple of messages, and was basically like ‘tell everyone to chill, I’ll clear it up when I get home’ did that in like a couple of hours cause then I had to leave to the midnight showing of the force awakens with my friends. So that day was chaotic, but fun. It was the first time I reached 99+ messages on my inbox, lmao. 

So that all happened like a good while before we actually saw the episode. But cut to a few weeks later. I woke up at 1 AM my time to drink water, was on tumblr trying to go back to sleep. I checked my inbox and there was this bizarre message talking about ‘got some scoop’ and they were like ‘Finn dies in 3x17, Aurora gets put into some weird sleeping spell in 3x18, Camille and Davina die in 3x19, Lucien dies in 3x20′ and I quite literally laughed??? Literally who wouldn’t. Like who tf would ever believe TO had the balls to do all of that when they never killed anyone off. AND, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST STOP BY, SHARE IT AND LEAVE. So I sent a screenshot to Hillary and was like ‘yo did you get this because wtf’. We often got duplicate messages. And we often got messages of people who were pissed about the two previous times we, from the klaroline fandom of all places, had legit info that wound up being true, that they were just waiting for us to fuck up. So we used to get messages of people pretending they were sharing info, and it was just antis trying to make us look stupid. 

SO, Hillary says ‘just answer it because it’s obviously fake’ top ten moments before disaster. I answer it and am like oh haha, and where did that info come from. And they came back like a minute later, saying ‘I have a source’ THEN THEY ELABORATED. They mentioned that Lucien drags Freya and Vincent to Mystic Falls to do this spell with some bullet and etc. So at that point we were like fUCK because that same day we’d found out was in 3x16, which ended with Lucien and this white-oak bullet, having kidnapped Freya. And that’s when we knew, that someone showed up in the middle of the night, spoiled the whole back-half of TO S3—and then left.

The back-half of S3 was so fun??? Every week the info just kept coming true. On the wikia everyone hated me, probably the most anti messages I ever had was during that time, honestly it was great, 10/10 would recommend. 

THEN, at some point in our blog history, Hillary had been getting quite a few messages about PT. And she had this fucking line in one of the messages about Phoebe’s pronunciation with her accent for the show, or lack thereof. And she said “weeches and woves will always have a place in my heart” SO THEM PHOEBE TWEETED IT. THAT EXACT LINE, and we were like was she...? So we shrugged off okay. A few days later, she tweeted “hellsbellschime enough, there’s plenty of other things to watch on tv, I hear mad men’s great.” And I—

THIS WAS ON SOME RANDOM ASS SUNDAY. Like I was lounging around, waiting for the new episode of game of thrones and then WHAM, chaos. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH, Leah joined in too. Putting a target on my friends back...about her blog that no one was making them read. You can’t make that shit up. And Jenn actually replied to Phoebe’s tweet and got a reply back, and she was all “you’re right, I’m sorry” and then deleted the original tweet, which I still have a screenshot of btw. And then Leah showed up in Hillary’s inbox with this ridiculous three part ask about how she shouldn’t criticize women in the acting industry because of how hard it is for women in that industry which is true, but it doesn’t make you exempt from criticism??? So not sure where she meant to go with that one.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT, our fandom’s greatest hits. I’m sure I can elaborate and insert more, but I’ve been typing for a good 40 minutes. 

Told ya, I wrote a whole dissertation, lmaooo.

[stick-man-simp]

Some stuff about my stick oc Evans that no one asked for!!!

You wanna hear my headcannons about the actual thsc characters?? To bad!!! /j/lh (under the cut cus this is long lol)

1. What’s your oc’s most irrational fear? Is there a specific reason this fear came about?

They’re really afraid of something happening to their neck, like you know, that kind of stuff, ouch, no real reason for this fear, they just have it. They’re also really afraid of being abandoned and being alone oof

2. Is your oc picky about food? What kinds of foods do they like and dislike? What do they consider a comfort or “safe” food?

They hate tomatoes and milk with a passion, but otherwise most foods are okay with them, it’s more about the texture for them, not the taste, but if it has a weird texture, big oof moments. They really like any sort of fast food (except Wendy’s) and they love Dr Pepper so much lol

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

Their voice basically sounds like mine, but low key deep, and kinda raspy too. They can sing alright, not great but they like singing along to songs. They can whistle really well, the kind of really good whistling that pisses you off >:) lol. they cannot roll their r’s lol haha loser can’t roll their r’s :’). they used to have a stutter as a kid and it comes out when they’re really upset.

4. Is your oc good at keeping secrets?

They are great at keeping secrets, because they care a lot :), but also cus they have terrible memory and will probably forget it lol

5. What kind of clothes is your oc most comfortable wearing?

Their usual comfy everyday outfit is just a t-shirt and jeans, and hoodie when it’s cold. Same thing at home, but sweatpants or pj shorts

6. What kind of clothes is your oc least comfortable wearing?

Dresses >:( they’re ugly and uncomfortable, also flip flops, they hate them (they wear crocs lmao)

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

I actually made whole a playlist for them oop- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7qxg8Wm7qbMXKu2FRBKYI4 It kind of matches what they would listen to, upbeat with kind of sad lyrics

8. What’s it like inside your oc’s mind? (Literally, or metaphorically.)

No thoughts head empty, jk it’s a mess, they may seem really chill and confident on the outside, but on the inside they are always worried about saying the wrong thing and scaring people away, they just want friends :’(

9. What are your oc’s goals for the future? Relationship-wise, career-wise, or other?

Nothing much, they don’t like thinking about the future, they just go with the flow really, not good but whelp, it’s going ok so far. NO relationships tho, they are aroace, but boy do they wish they had some friends oof

10. Who’s the first person your oc goes to to talk about something that made them happy? Sad? Angry?

Usually... no one, maybe their cat or maybe their mom, but in the time where Evans is friends with Ocelot (Coelpts oc), they would go to him about literally everything lol and then get worried about annoying him oof

11. Does your oc have any interests/hobbies that they hide from everyone? Why do they hide these interests?

Not really, they have a bunch of hobbies, but cringe culture is dead so they are open about them all to whoever asks, but no one ever does aaa, but they do stuff like gaming, drawing, knitting, embroidery, baking, cooking, model trains, lots of stuff

12. How does your oc handle talking to somebody they can’t stand? What if it’s a situation where they’re forced to work with this person?

They don’t lol, they don’t take shit from no one and will say to their face that they don’t like them lol, but if they have to work with them, they will cooperate, but their gonna be a bastard about it

13. What’s your oc’s dream home like?

A cozy cottage in the woods, with lots of hiking trails all around, a chicken coop, and close to their friend’s house :’)

14. If your oc spent one day free from any consequences or recognition for their actions, how would they act?

They wouldn’t do much lol, probably just steal a bunch of Dr Pepper and snacks from the store

15. What’s your oc’s morning routine like?

They wake up at like 6 am and scroll on their phone in bed for a bit, and then get up at 7:45 to get ready lol, and leave at 8 to got to work, I mean it works but wtf Evans

16. What’s your oc’s nighttime routine like?

They usually just sit on the couch with their cat and some snack and watch TV or play games for a while before going to bed and scrolling on their phone for like an hour before finally passing out

17. If your oc had a social media page, what would it be like? What would they post about? How much personal information would they feel comfortable posting on it? How often would they update it?

They have a Tumblr, they don't make many posts, just reblog stuff, and they would totally share their fucking home address  if someone asked nicely, they are unhinged

18. How does your oc see themself? How does this compare to the way other ocs see them?

They look at themself and think ‘woah that’s one sexy motherfucker’, they are a bastard man with way too much confidence, I don’t have any other os’s that would interact with them, but Ocelot totally thinks of them as just a big dumb puppy (he would never say that out loud tho lol)

19. How would an enemy describe this oc?

An arrogant son of a bitch (and they’d be right >:D)

20. What’s a superpower or magical ability that this oc would hate having?

Being able to read peoples minds, they would hate this so much, because it would make them feel evil and uncomfy, and they don’t wanna know what people are thinking about them, they think it’ll be bad oof

21. What’s a fact you haven’t shared about this oc?

They are nonbinary, AFAB, they used to wear a binder but they got top surgery at 20 years old, now they don’t wear a shirt at the beach and they’re making that everyone else's problem!! >:D

22. What’s your oc’s dream job? Is this similar to what they’re doing now? Do they believe they could ever achieve this dream?

They work for the CCC right now, and they had their dream job as an agent, but the promotion they got kind of ruined the dream, and their job is boring to them now

23. Who would this oc consider their family? What is their relationship with these people?

They have their mom, who is really great, their dad died when they were young, they don’t have any siblings, and they aren’t close with any other family. But, any friends they have they immediately get really attached to and think of as family

24. What is one thing that, no matter who it’s coming from, would anger your oc?

Getting called a coward (haha Marty McFly kinnie lmao), they are not a coward >:( (this gets them in a lot of trouble sometimes oof)

25. How does your oc handle sadness?

Not well oof, they mostly just cry a bunch and eat a lot, anything to get their mind off it

26. How does your oc handle anger?

Basically the same as with sadness but with furrowed eyebrows and ranting to their cat

27. How does your oc handle fear?

They are pretty brave so not much scares them, and they have to be brave for others, but when it comes to stuff that really scares them or just plain anxiety, they usually try to calm down as best they can, or they just run, they can run fast too

28. What’s your favorite thing about this oc?

Himbo :)

29. What’s your least favorite thing about this oc?

They have a primal urge to insult people, they don’t mean to really upset people, it’s all in good fun, but they can still be pretty mean sometimes, especially when they do it with strangers oof

30. Tell a random fact about this oc!

They’ve always wanted to have a beard or a mustache, but even with T they can’t grow much facial hair :(