#14 days of staying at or under my cal goal
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My new wl rules
1. Never eat anything over 200 cals
2. Chew everything 30 times/for 30 seconds
3. Sip a drink after every bite
4. Chug water before every meal
5. Omad 4 times a week
6. Workout 3 times a week
7. Never eat alone
8. Pre-portion everything. Never go back for more
9. Never eat in class or between classes
10. Fast for at least 15 hours between food
11. Never exceed 1,200
12. Fast for 20 hours if 1,200 is met or exceeded
13. Fast for 48 hours if 1,500 is met or exceeded
14. Never include calories burned from exercise
15. Goal is 500 a day, always stay under no matter what
16. Weigh in every morning
17. If weight has gone up, only eat clean/whole foods for that day, no diet sodas
18. If 500 is exceeded, chug water, followed by green tea(Gives me a headache, stomachache and makes my heart feel weird)
19. Take a freezing shower post binge, and drink water until almost sick
20. Never eat more than anyone else
Rules/punishments do compound for multiple broken rules
#3d not sheeran#3d f4st#3d blog#light as a feather#💡as a 🪶#4norexla#4n@diary#🐛hungrycaterpillar#⭐️rving
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it’s been almost a month since i started genuinely trying to lose weight, and other than a very bad few days bc vitamin d deficiency, ive been doing really well.
major wins:
-i’m fasting so easy. my daily goal is 14 hours and im usually doing 17-19. it feels so much better than eating every 4-6 hours like my old ed recovery team told me to.
-staying in a deficit. even when i’ve binged when i average out the week ive stayed under bmr. amazing. and now with my supplements in place (btw these are doctor prescribed! do not take supplements without checking to see if you need them) my hunger is getting under control again.
things that need major work:
- exercise. huge blizzard has kept me from gyming, and i get really embarrassed exercising in front of people so with my wife with me 24/7 i haven’t had alone time. im starting yoga classes again once the snow is cleared and my bestie wants to gym with me too. wish me luck!
-eating more variety of foods/sticking to diet. i want to do liquid diet but im struggling to not want to chew. and the solid food im eating is like vegan mac n cheese and ice cream. i’m staying under but i really do care about my health and not just cals in vs cals out. i think i may need better low cal recipes like dinners and shit. i’m really good at cooking healthy dinners that are nutritious and tasty just not low cal. omad maybe? idk i’ll take advice if anyone has any :)
i think i’m overall proud so far and know what needs fixing just need to figure how to do that.
#3ating d1sorder#an0r3cia#th1nspø#ed not blackbeard#3dn0s#tw ana bløg#tw ana rant#tw ed not ed sheeren#4nerex1a#4nor3xia#@na shit#@na blog#3d not sheeran#skinnii#skinnnyy#4n4rexia#4norexla
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Starting Omad until i see 40kg on the scale. (14-18 weeks) and lose 7kg
1350 cals and under
Omad day 1: 🟢
Omad day 2: -0.00kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 3: -0.50kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 4: -1.30 kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 5: -1.30 kg from starting weight | 🔴
Omad day 5: -1.30 kg from starting weight | 🔴
Omad day 6: -0.70 kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 7: -1.50 kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 8: -1.50 kg from starting weight | 🔴
Omad day 9: -1.30kg from starting weight | 🟢
Omad day 10: -1.50kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 11: -2.00kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 12: -1.90kg from starting weight | 🔴
Omad day 13: -1.70kg from starting weight | 🔴
Omad day 14: -1.10kg from starting weight | 🔴
Omad day 15: -1.10kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 16: -2.20kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 17: -2.20kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 18: -2.30kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 19: -2.20kg from starting weight | 🟡
Omad day 20: -1.30kg from starting weight | 🟡
EALAP day 21: -1.00 kg from starting weight | 🟡
ELAP day 22: -1.60kg from starting weight | 🔴
ELAP day 23: ??? from starting weight | 🔴
From now on my plan is to eat as little as possible. Wake up drink water stretch and walk outside before work. Have my protein coffee. I will try to eat as little as possible during the day. So I will mostly eat coffee, protein coffe hot or cold, Coke Zero, tea zero, hot green tea, sparkling water, monster, protein bread, apple or other fruit, vegetable soup, ice sticks. If I feel like I really am very hungry I can have a toast with thin slices of bread. Protein shakes. Yogurt (preferably Greek 0%). Steak or chicken with vegetables. No oil or very little. Cottage cheese. Tuna. Cucumber. The key is to have each ingredient separately on its own. On top of that I will be walking 10k steps (try to split it in 3x30 min walks) go to the gym and then ballet 4x a week. The key is to have all these little ingredients on the fridge and also to be tidy and organised in your room, bathroom and kitchen. Also to have a night routine (more than a morning routine) —> watch a video while you tidy up brush teeth drink water / infusion and then relax.
I don’t want to sabotage myself because I genuinely want and prefer to see the scale go down, to feel light and to feel like I am losing slowly(not necessarily, even fast) but surely, feeling like I am doing everything right, staying busy, not think about food, not have a full meal but instead eat here and there based on my intuition and cravings. Not go over my maximum deficit calories (at the beginning of post). Remember my why and be in my honeymoon phase forever. Remember that truly I feel like no food is worth being eaten no more for me.
Goal is to hit -3.50kg before the end of the year
ELAP day 24: -0.80kg from starting weight | 🩸| 🟡 | 1526cal
ELAP day 25: -1.30kg from starting weight | 🩸| 🟢 | 1200cal
ELAP day 26: -1.30kg from starting weight | 🩸| 🟡 1692 cal
ELAP day 27: ??? from starting weight | 🩸| 2200 cal 🔴
ELAP day 28: -1.00kg from starting weight | 1250 cal 🟢
ELAP day 29: -1.50kg from starting weight | 1288 cal 🟢
ELAP day 30: -2.20kg from starting weight | 1585 cal 🟡
ELAP day 31: ??? from starting weight | 1350 cal 🟢
ELAP day 32: ??? from starting weight | 1400 cal 🟡
ELAP day 33: ??? from starting weight | 2053 cal 🔴
ELAP day 34: -1.90kg from starting weight | 1336 cal 🟢
ELAP day 35: -1.90kg from starting weight | < 1350 cal 🟢
ELAP day 36: -2.30kg from starting weight | 1060 cal 🟢
ELAP day 37: -2.70kg from starting weight | 1414 cal 🟢
ELAP day 38: -2.10 kg from starting weight | 2396 cal 🔴
ELAP day 39: -1.70 kg from starting weight | 1900 cal 🔴
ELAP day 40: -1.70 kg from starting weight | 783 cal 🟢
ELAP day 41: -2.20 kg from starting weight | 1637 cal 🟡
ELAP day 42: -2.20 kg from starting weight | 931 cal 🟢
ELAP day 43: -2.60 kg from starting weight | 1245 cal 🟢
ELAP day 44: -2.60 kg from starting weight | 1598 cal 🟡
ELAP day 45: ??? from starting weight | ?? >2000-2300 cal 🔴
ELAP day 46: -2.30 kg from starting weight | 1406 cal 🟡
ELAP day 47: -2.30 kg from starting weight | 1784 cal 🟡
ELAP day 48: -2.30 kg from starting weight | 1600 cal 🟡
ELAP day 49: -2.30 kg from starting weight | 1317 cal 🟢
ELAP day 50: -2.30 kg from starting weight | 969 cal 🟢
ELAP day 51: -2.30 kg (later -2.80 kg) from starting weight | 1862 but threw up so prob 1362 🟡
ELAP day 52: - ??? from starting weight | 480 cal 🟢
ELAP day 53: - 2.90 kg from starting weight | 1653 cal 🟡
ELAP day 54: - 2.50 kg from starting weight | 2500 cal 🔴
ELAP day 55: - ??? from starting weight | 1942 🔴
I don’t want to lose Focus. I trulli don’t want that. I noticed it helps not to buy the foods, eat an apple and an orange or some fruit like that very watery. And then the hunger is gone. Maybe a little toast maybe a coffee maybe a yogurt. Don’t buy sushi. Don’t buy milka. You can continue tomorrow. Remember that you don’t want to eat. You don’t enjoy it. You don’t even have hunger. You love the feeling of emptiness and lightness. To you food is not that appealing.
ELAP day 56: - 2.50 kg from starting weight | 1950 🔴
ELAP day 57: - ??? from starting weight | 2020 🔴
ELAP day 58: - 2.50 kg from starting weight | 1206 cal 🟢
ELAP day 59: - 2.50 kg from starting weight | ~ 2450 cal 🔴
ELAP day 60: - 2.50 kg from starting weight | 1520 cal 🟡
I should have lost -3.75kg by now (at least 3.33kg) but that’s okay I am falling in love with restricting and walking so I am going to lose it anyway
ELAP day 61: - ??? from starting weight | 1344 🟢
ELAP day 62: - 2.60 kg from starting weight | 1270 cal 🟢
ELAP day 63: - 2.60 kg from starting weight | 1618 cal 🟡
ELAP day 64: - 2.60 kg from starting weight | 1540 cal 🟡
ELAP day 65: - 2.60 kg from starting weight | 1648 cal 🟡
ELAP day 66: - 2.60 kg from starting weight | 1503 cal 🟡
ELAP day 67: - 3.10 kg from starting weight | 1170 cal 🟢
ELAP day 68: - 3.10 kg from starting weight | 1349 cal 🟢
ELAP day 69: - 3.10 kg from starting weight | 1020 cal 🟢
ELAP day 70: - 3.10 kg from starting weight | 1329 cal 🟢
ELAP day 71: - 3.20 kg from starting weight | 1800 cal 🟡
ELAP day 72: - 2.80 kg from starting weight | 2000-2200 cal 🔴
ELAP day 73: - ??? from starting weight | 2000 cal 🔴
ELAP day 74: - 2.80 kgfrom starting weight | 2200 cal 🔴
ELAP day 75: - 2.80 kg from starting weight | 3000 cal WTFFFF 🔴
ELAP day 76: - 2.20 kg from starting weight | 1492 cal 🟡
I don’t care how THIS saturday morning 🩸I hit -3.5 kg
ELAP day 77: - 2.80 kg from starting weight 🩸| 1179 cal 🟢
ELAP day 78: - 3.10 kg from starting weight 🩸| 1640 cal 🟡
ELAP day 79: - 3.00 kg from starting weight🩸| 1400 cal 🟡
ELAP day 80: - 3.20 kg from starting weight | 2055🔴
ELAP day 81: - 3.20 kg from starting weight | 2000 calories. Today i hate everyone 🔴
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.° ༘ kay's introduction post ☆
basic information . . .
╰(*´︶`*)╯☆ hihi ~ i'm kay! i'm 14, turning 15 very soon, and i use she/they pronouns! my color for this account is pink and my symbol is a star (☆) !
my interests . . .
so many to list . . . sea creatures, project sekai, vocaloid, splatoon, reverse 1999, twisted wonderland, the 1920's, making ocs, many of my childhood interests, etc ^.^
ed information . . .
i am 5'6 (i don't use cm Erm.) , my ultimate goal weight is anything below 110 to be honest . . . !
my starting weight is : 200lbs (nov 4, 2023)
my current weight is : 200lbs (nov 4, 2023)
my goal weight for the end of november is anything in the low 190's range . . . i'll weigh every other day!
i will burn as many calories as possible per day and try to stay under 1.3k cals until i can get used to not binging like i'll never be fed again!
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How I went from no 2 hours of productivity a day to 12–14 hours
I don't even remember how many months it took me to go from being addicted to gaming, often sleeping away the morning until it's noon to someone who is productive most of the day.
Before that, you need to know what I mean by productive. I believe going to the gym is productive also believe studying a different language that can be helpful for me in the future is productive. It’s just about what I put on my calendar and need to get done for the day.
And what I did is:
Game, sugar & phone addiction The books were the healers in this case, starting from “Deep Work” by Cal Newport to ‘’Dopamine Nation’’ by Anna Lembke. I'm not saying that just reading them changed me, it was all about taking action about what I learned from the book. Mainly through creating a framework and accountability, I was able to quit. It was not easy, I can guarantee you that. It took me more than 10 tries to get things under my control.
3 things, and 3 things only. I have made the conscious decision to do nothing but 3 things with very rare exceptions such as meeting friends, which I luckily do not have many of. The three things are 1. My health, eating well, drinking water, and hitting the gym. 2. Studying a new skill or language which is coding, is an investment for creating things that are in my mind. 3. My Business. That’s almost 100% of my awake time. Of course, I take 10 to 15-minute breaks in my productive hours. These breaks allowed me to stay in deep focus so don't underestimate these rules. Only do 3 long-term things and never try doing more than that, it just doesn't work.
Nutrition I used to be skeptical about the effectiveness of following a particular blueprint for achieving happiness. However, after implementing Bryan Johnson’s blueprint as much as possible, I became a genuinely happy person. I also found that certain supplements, such as lithium (which I am not advising anyone to take), helped regulate my mood and allowed me to be more productive. It’s important not to underestimate the power of good health.
Hang around with 4 drinking friends and you’ll be the 5th I know very well about this because I was an example when I was in college. So always remember to hang around with people who have high-level mindsets and who are also like-minded. There are a few communities on a website called Skool that you can join to find like-minded people. This really helps to stay in touch with your goals. It has helped me a lot to share and read the thoughts of others. It is also a good reminder to read about your goals daily.
Redeveloped my mindset I used to believe that motivation was the key to success, however, my perspective on this has changed. Nowadays, whether or not I feel like studying or working on something is not as important to me as it used to be. That being said, there are certain situations where I do make exceptions. I try to avoid overworking myself and take breaks when necessary, but I also make sure to earn them. For example, I recently rearranged my entire room and then went to the gym. However, when I felt exhausted, I decided to skip the gym and take a hot bath instead and saw the movie Click (2006), literally enjoyed 4 hours of my day. It’s important to remember that we’re all human and it’s okay to take a break when needed. It’s also essential to avoid rewarding yourself too much when you haven’t really accomplished anything significant.
Only do what you can Pushing yourself to the edge won't be a great idea because there is a chance that you will get a burnout. Instead, do it for 10 minutes. I never started my productive journey by pushing myself, rather it was about how I maintained my consistency in doing productive things. I began my gym by doing it for 10 minutes and even if I don't have a mind to go then I just wear my gym outfit and call it a day. Again I repeat that until I eventually made it to the gym. Next thing you know, I’m working out 4 days a week. If all you can do is touch the book you want to read, don’t worry. As long as you progress it’s great.
Big disclaimer: It may sound easy but it wasn’t. At times, I still find myself procrastinating. It took me weeks to consistently focus on my tasks. However, I got better at it. I am not promoting the ‘hustle culture’ lifestyle, but I am sharing this because some people call me insane for working from 8 in the morning to bedtime. But, let me tell you, I have never been happier in my life. If you want to spend four hours every night with your girlfriend, go ahead and schedule it. It is not about being productive, it is about living the life you want.
This is what I want, and it is hard to achieve, but the fulfillment I feel now is indescribable.
A weekly advice column about productivity, self-improvement, and discipline in your lifestyle. Subscribe!
#productive#productivity#student life#studying#study inspiration#self care#self improvement#self impowerment#life#lifestyle#life lessons#stress management#stressrelief#exam stress#stress reliever#mental#stressfree#struggle#therapy#burnout#mental health
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✧・゚: *✧・゚:* My October Plan *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃
Everyday I meet my net calorie goal or less, I earn one point… One point is worth 2$ and at the end of the month if I get 15+ days of points, I will buy myself a treat. ♡
🎀= stayed at or under calorie limit
🚫= went over calorie limit
🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃
Do Not Eat Before 5PM Or After 8PM
OCT 7 - 400 cals 🎀
OCT 8 - 600 cals 🎀
OCT 9 - 600 cals: 🎀
OCT 10 - 400 cals: 🚫
OCT 11 - 700 cals: 🚫
Oct 12 - 500 cals: 🚫
OCT 13 - 550 cals: 🚫
This binge cycle will stop NOW.
OCT 14 - 600 cals: 🎀
OCT 15 - 750 cals: 🎀
OCT 16 - 450 cals: 🎀
OCT 17 - 600 cals:
OCT 18 - 500 cals:
OCT 19 - 600 cals:
OCT 20 - 450 cals:
OCT 21 - 700 cals:
OCT 22 - 550 cals:
OCT 23 - 700 cals:
OCT 24 - 600 cals:
OCT 25 - 500 cals:
OCT 26 - 600 cals
OCT 27 - 700 cals:
OCT 28 - 650 cals:
OCT 29 - 500 cals:
OCT 30 - 650 cals:
🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃🍂🎃
Starting weight: 122lbs
Goal weight: 115lbs
Halloween weight:
#ana thoughts#anarexiz#ana rules#anarecia#anarecix#anorekic#anorecya#anorekcia#anorecca#anorexja#thin inspo#tw ed things#tw eating things#thinspiracja#not pro for anyone but me
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July 14 2021
Just ate a small blizzard and I want to throw up o so so bad but I can’t cuz everyone is home and the walls are so thin here :(
Total cal for the day is just over 1000 though, so even though I feel sick I at least stayed under my limit.
Still on vacation with my bf and his fam, so no scale, but I’m going back in a few days so I can weigh myself on Saturday! I think we are eating out tomorrow? I’ll have coffee for breakfast and half a sandwich if I can’t wait til dinner. Goal for tomorrow is 800-1000.
Breakfast: Coffee-70
Lunch: Half ham sandwich-150
Dinner:Stuffed pepper-320
Dessert: Small blizzard-527
Total: 1074
Weight:??? (No scale available)
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/71878d6876171f08332c0579ad1e4e5f/c740e6f43658036f-13/s540x810/aca46c1da449cc5b5b96c996d31c3f910b40e804.jpg)
May as well do this at once and get it over with
Day 1:
Started at: 60kg
Currently at: 47kg
Goal : 43kg
Ultimate goal : 40kg
Honestly I just want my body proportions to look good. If I don't see any stomach fat and actually have a defined waist line maybe I'll be satisfied...
Day 2:
164cm , I don't mind it but I wish I was a taller
Day 3:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/75f0188c86b23db7d1554a1bfbb5704c/c740e6f43658036f-e5/s540x810/cfd2d9e738ff82dcecb3b803822d70cc28fe7596.jpg)
I've posted this before but I'm in love with everything. The tiny waist, how incredibly flat her stomach is , no large bulging thighs and flawless skin texture.
Day 4:
Being forced to stop or not being able to lose any more
Day 5:
I've always been the chubby girl in my family, but I didn't mind until I started noticing how big I was getting and how much smaller everyone else was. My medium clothes couldn't fit and I had to start wearing large. When I looked down all I could see was fat. Even family members commented on it but in a light hearted manner. When I downloaded tiktok it really opened my eyes to how large I looked in comparison to very pretty girl on my fyp so I decided to change that during quarantine.
Day 6:
Kind of. I would binge for a whole month then hyper restrict for another. I've started to stop that now and I rarely binge except once a week where I'm forced to as I'm visiting family who shove food down my throat
Day 7:
They don't know my goals but they've noticed I've lost weight and are starting to get suspicious and try to force me to eat more
Day 8:
I used to follow a Chloe Ting 2 week ab program but elongated it to be for a couple of months. I don't work out anymore since I got busy but we've just bought an excersise bike which I plan to use every other day
Day 9:
I remember a moment where my cousin came and pinched my stomach and called me pregnant. Felt like crap after and had to hyper restrict the next day.
Day 10:
Sugar, oil and bread.
Day 11:
I don't follow enough to have one but I enjoy most of them
Day 12:
I live with my parents so I have to eat with them at lunch which is usually chicken and rice or curries and rice. For dinner and breakfast I'm in control and try to make low calorie meals.
Day 13:
I mean .... I'm here aren't I. I'd guess un-healthy but I do try to not eat under 800 cals just because I need energy for school
Day 14:
40kg and hopefully soon! Maybe a month and a half. My body takes a while to lose weight in general so we'll have to see.
Day 15:
No but I do avoid beef which may have helped. I'd love to be pescatarian though
Day 16:
Around quarantine
Day 17:
I would say no because I think I'm still in control. Like I know that eating 300cals a day is bad for you so I don't think I'll ever reach that point
Day 18:
Anything carby like pasta or pizza...
Day 19:
A month ago ✨
Day 20:
I haven't tried out any fad diets but if I ever do it'll probably be intermittent fasting
Day 21:
Small
Day 22:
This is my lowest weight ever
Day 23:
Yea... tiktok and my Pinterest feed
Day 24:
They make me uncomfortable. You should never be pro a mental disorder but I understand why people use it and tag with it. I don't think I'm going to.
Day 25:
No I have sensitive teeth so I'm afraid I'll ruin them because I'll get addicted
Day 26:
Not having to worry whether I'll gain weight easily. Fixing one ugly part about me. Having an hourglass figure. Being seen as petite.
Day 27:
I use my sheer will power to refuse it but sometimes it's inappropriate to do so cause they'll worry so I eat and burn it off later or I'll plan my eating a day ahead. I like cooking and baking and being around food though so I typically make things for other people so I'm not tempted to indulge. And my stupid brain enjoys the idea of fattening those around me while I stay thin?? It's very stupid and effed up but it makes me feel better and I hate it. Occasionally I'd let myself eat something if it'll prevent a binge
Day 28:
No I don't really like them but I do want smaller thighs in general
Day 29:
Beauty is subjective but these are the traits I find beautiful;
- curly or wavy hair
- hourglass figure
- flat stomach
-even skin texture
- body is hairless
- no pore in sight
- straight white teeth
- coloured eyes ( including light browns)
- no acne or acne scars
- no eye bags
But sometimes I find people beautiful even when they don't fit this standard in my head
Day 30:
I have a cat, I like to sing (badly) , I wanna be a doctor one day (ironic), love to draw and doodle, bilingual, avid anime watcher, I read more fan fiction than fiction , enjoy martial arts, scared of porcelain dolls.
#ana#TW#ed things#disordered eating tw#ed thoughts#30daythinspo#ana blog#anaroxia#anarecix#anarexx#edmeme#ed
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TRIGGER WARNING.
So I currently working on my list of rules.
YES I know my cal intake is high, this is because I have B.E.D and if I restrict too much I binge, BIG!
My plan is to eventually reduce it overtime, once I’ve got my bingeing under more control.
1. Can only eat after 5k steps has been achieved, before each meal. And extra 2.5k if having a snack. You gotta move, to eat.
2. Think before you eat. Stop and consider if you really want to eat that then consciously give yourself permission.
3. Eat a lot of fiber for digestive health and low calories.
4. Have a mint green tea, when hungry but it’s not time to eat.
5. 3 litres of water/weak squash a day.
6. No food after 7:30pm or before 9:30am.
7. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you want to eat. Food = pain.
8. Don’t take bites, either from others food or while cooking, as the calories add up surprisingly fast and you may not realize how much extra you’re taking in.
9. No more than 400cals a meal, 200cals snack, maximum of 1,400 a day.
10. Always leave at least one bite of food on your plate. This will teach you control and help you stop eating when you begin to binge. This will also stop you from compulsively finishing a portion after you've already eaten enough.
11. Never eat in secret. This leads to compulsive binging. If you wouldn't eat it in public, you shouldn't be eating it at all. What you eat in private, you wear in public.
12. Chew gum while cooking. That way you can’t take bites while it is cooking, and you won’t want to eat it once it’s done.
13. Keep food out of sight, not sitting out, and stay away from food and the kitchen to keep your mind off it.
14. Remember the four D's: Distance yourself from food; Distract yourself; Delay eating; and Decide what your goals really are.
15. Don't eat less than three hours before sleeping. The calories won't have time to be burnt off, and they will store as fat due to inactivity, making you gain weight.
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50 Days
I’ve been back on keto/clean eating for 50 days! Here are some reflections: (this is long)
- I haven’t had any cheat days, which is a huge deal for me.
- The first month flew by but the last 20 days have dragged. I spent the first month in LA with friends/family, but now I’m in Miami in rehearsals for a gig, so I think I’m just bored. As my cast gets to know each other, we’ll have more social interactions so this should improve. Also, one of my really good friends in the company arrives tomorrow, so I’ll have someone to hang out with consistently! He’s a professional dancer so he’s very health-conscious.
- I’ve been working out almost every day for the last 2.5 weeks, for at least 30-min. I’ve missed 3 days total (one of those days was Christmas lol sue me). I’m pretty happy about this. I’ve been doing Jillian Michaels’ 30-day shred, followed by a long/deep stretch. I’ve never made it to the end of this series, but I’m more than halfway there!
- I’ve only counted calories a few times (I get too obsessed), but overall I think I’m under-eating. I’m making keto chili tomorrow though, which should help me get in some calories and protein. I also bought some Lily’s chocolate and Cool Whip so I have something to tack onto the end of dinner. I’ve only eaten out three times since I got to Miami, and I don’t keep very caloric foods in my apt (just bacon, eggs, salad, steak, chicken, etc.), so I’ll eat 2-3 meals a day but they’ll add up to like 1000 net cals after my workout. I also usually drink a ton...but I just haven’t been in the mood? So that’s a lot of calories that I usually ingest that I just haven’t...
- I don’t know how much I weigh but I have a waist again and my double chin is almost gone. I definitely feel considerably smaller. And my progress pics show a big difference. If I had to guess, I’d say I’m around 200lbs (down from ~220). I’ve gone from a size 16 jean to a 14 and an XL to a L. I’m not really planning on weighing myself this time around, but I’m going to measure my waist and hips when I get to 100 days of my journey. My goal is for my waist to be around 30″ by then. My ultimate goal is 28.5″. It’s going to take a while to get to that number because my progress slows down a ton after 30″. My contract doesn’t end until August, so hopefully I’ll reach my goal by then.
- I don’t really have any specific goals for the next 50 days besides staying consistent. I’m not too worried about this. I don’t have access to carby foods, and my will power is pretty bulletproof this time around (lol keto pun). I do have ONE dress that I would like to fit into. I found a secondhand Michael Kors casual black dress a while back and bought it without trying it on, because this particular Goodwill didn’t have a fitting room (???). When I put it on at home, it was suuuuuper tight in the hips/lower belly. Like impossible to move/sit tight. So I’m gonna try it on at 100 days! Oh, I almost forgot. I have a pair of denim cutoff shorts that were a bit tight as of Thanksgiving, so I’m gonna give them a go on New Years Day.
- I think one of the reasons why this is going so differently for me than in past years (besides age/maturity), is that I moved to Los Angeles. There’s a lot of pressure there to be fit. The ~unhealthy~ pressure to starve myself or do a ton of coke hasn’t influenced me much, because “super skinny” isn’t really my brand (I get hired to sing big, deep, loud, soulful things so my appearance has to match my voice to an extent), but the pressure to take care of myself and invest in my appearance on a daily basis has definitely stuck. There’s not such thing as being “comfortable” as an entertainer in LA, and this has been so fuckin good for me. Even though I’ll be traveling for the next 7.5 months, knowing that I’ll be returning to LA is enough to scare me into staying in the gym. To survive in that town, I have to be my biggest advocate, along with being my best agent, manager, personal trainer, and celebrity chef.
Okay that’s it! Whew that was long.
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I’m fucking sick
So here’s my story.
When I was 13 my family and I were visiting my family in California (in July). They were all weighing themselves and told me to step on. I was 5’0 tall and the scale read 135 lbs. My step mom exclaimed that I was too heavy and needed to lose weight. I cried myself to sleep that night and starved myself the entire next day. The next night I got drunk. The day after that, I barely ate. The week went on with me barely eating.
When we came home I went vegetarian in some attempt to lose weight. (The moral reasons came after.) I also stopped eating breakfast and lunch and would only eat small amounts at dinner time. Because I was vegetarian, I was able to make my own meals instead of eating my family’s greasy food. Almost everyday I ate a sandwich with smashed avocado and chickpeas in place of mayo with red peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and a vegan jalapeño cheese. I wasn’t vegan at the time but I wanted to cut out some fats so I didn’t eat very much dairy. In two months I went from 135 to 108.
I started school again that September (14 years old). My classmates were shocked at my size. My xs yoga pants were a little baggy. My ex boyfriend asked me if I was sick. Like seriously sick. He thought I had cancer.
I didn’t like looking sick but I did like being skinny. I made it a goal to slowly put some weight on. It took me 6 months to get to 112 lbs and I stayed there for about two years. During this time I still didn’t eat breakfast, I only ate lunch like 2x a week. For dinner I lived off of mac n cheese and blueberry waffles. If I ate too much and felt guilty, I puked. All of my lunch money went to weed, booze, and shrooms (16 years old). Blueberry waffles were my munchies. Then I got caught with weed in my moms house. I got in a lot of trouble and wasn’t allowed to be home alone. I started to eat more fruits which then made me put on more weight but I didn’t try to stop it. I wasn’t happy about it but I just managed it. I maintained 125 for a while. My parents made me go to the gym with them 6 days a week because they wouldn’t leave me at home. I worked out for 1 1/2 hours 6 days a week. 3 days a week I also did an hour long yoga class before my workout. My weight dropped to 118 but I was very toned and thin. I looked great.
When they finally let me be alone after 9 months of being grounded, I started smoking cigarettes. When I didn’t have them, I ate a ton. They curbed my appetite. (My weight went back up to 125.)Every morning before school I made myself an iced coffee and left my house with enough time for me to drive around for 20-30 minutes before school so I could smoke and just relax. That stopped when I totaled my car doing exactly that (17 years old).
I had just started dating my (current) boyfriend a month before. Within a year I gained 30 pounds. I went back to eating meat and we ate A LOT of junk food. In year two I gained another 30 pounds before I really noticed how big I’d gotten. One day I weighed myself and saw I was now 186 lbs. Holy shit how did that happen? That was December of 2017 (19 years old).
I knew I needed to lose weight but I was terrified I’d relapse into my eating disorders so I put it off. Finally after 3 months, I decided I’d try but I knew I needed to be very careful so I didn’t slip. I lost 10 pounds. Then I went to visit my family in Cali again and literally ALL they cooked all two weeks was fried food. I ate everything in moderation but still felt like shit. When I came back home after 16 days, I had gained 6 lbs back. I gave up.
From March to September of 2018 I tried SO many diets. None of them worked well enough for me. All of my friends were encouraging me to lose weight but didn’t understand how dangerous that was, even though I told them all about my past. After failing to lose weight so many times I started to feel like maybe there was something else going on. My thyroid gland was swollen so I started to think maybe it just couldn’t happen for me and gave up. In October I was at my grandparents house and decided to step on the scale. I was 184 lbs. FUCK! Why did I let myself get back here?!
The next two days while I was there I ate around 800 cals and logged them all. The rest of the week, under 600 cals. I couldn’t stand the thought of being that weight anymore so I just gave in. In one week I dropped 6 lbs. It was mostly water weight. After that first week I maintained for 10 days and that really fucked me up. The next week I dropped another 3 lbs and thought my plateau was over. Nope, there it goes again for 7 days. Since then I’ve been losing in 1 lb incriminates every 3-4 days. I now switch up my calorie intake. Monday’s and Tuesday’s I eat around 1,000-1,200 and the rest of the week I eat under 800. Wednesday’s are kinda hard for me for a lot of reasons so I pretty much always go over on Wednesday’s ):
Sunday night of this week I started a fast. I was aiming for 24 hours but by the time I knew it, I was at 36. So I thought I’d try to stretch it to 48. Tuesday morning I woke up in a sweat because I couldn’t figure out how to lie to my boyfriend about not eating that day. We always go out to eat on tuesdays. I spent 6 hours curled in a ball on the couch panicking waiting for him to wake up. Then when we left, he kept asking if I was okay because I wouldn’t make eye contact and I seemed off. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it. I was trying to stop the war in my head about breaking my fast at 40 hours. I felt like such a failure but I knew if I didn’t break it, he’d catch on.
Yesterday, I ate a low calorie breakfast and an hour later binged on a bunch of junk. 15 minutes later I felt like shit about myself and saw a photo of 5 lbs of fat and ran to the bathroom to puke. I don’t want that. Why’d I binge? I ate 800 calories in 10 minutes. Wtf. So I purged until it physically hurt to do it anymore. I’m sure I didn’t get it all though. I felt so much better. About 6 hours later, I had dinner and then binged AGAIN. So I immediately said I was going to take a shower and turned on the water and purged again. I tried to be quiet but I couldn’t so I had to stop halfway through. I feel like shit because I couldn’t even do that right.
When I got out of the shower he asked me “were you coughing up a lung in there?”
“Yeah”
“Yeah every now and then I heard *makes choking noise* and thought dang I hope she’s not getting sick in there”
I couldn’t look him in the eye and I got in bed. I feel so shitty about lying.
Now I’m afraid to eat anywhere other than home in case I feel the urge to throw up. I don’t want to deal with bulimia again. Anorexia is bad enough as it is. My relapse yesterday is really fucking me up. Puking isn’t fun and it doesn’t feel good but it felt good to lose control for a minute and then rid my body of it. It made me feel like I gained back some control.
But now I’m scared to eat anything simply because I don’t want to make myself feel guilty and purge. I don’t know what to do.
Also, it’s pretty fucking sad I’ve been dealing with this off and on and at different extremes since I was 13 years old. I’m fucking 20 now. I thought I recovered in late high school but looking back, I’m not sure I did...
#ana#anorexia#mia#bulimia#eating disorders#ednoz#thinspo#weightloss#binge#purge#restricting#don't binge#anorexic#bulimic
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GV’s Body Image Challenge, Weeks 5&6
Total days: 13
Weight change: - 5.8lbs the past two weeks, -8.4lbs overall
Days below 2000 calories: 9 or 10/14 (had a few days where I didn’t keep track)
Days below 1500 calories: 7/14
Days exercise goal achieved: 13/13!
Being on equine service means not being at home to eat all the time and not having to force myself to do half an hour of walking each day because I’m already doing way more than that at the hospital! Clearly I’m not doing super great with staying under my calorie limits but the amount of exercise I’m getting and the number of days I’m staying under 1500 cals are clearly helping!
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Yes, you can stil go out in the sun and enjoy life while on tret. Hell, you can even get a tan. Tretinoin is not inherently photosensitizing, but the irritation it induces can make you more prone to sun damage. To blow dry the sides, take out a small section of hair from the front and clip the rest of the hair away. Next, place the brush under the section and then pull the brush and hair forward around your face (this curving motion creates body). Place the hair dryer on top of the brush until you reach the ends and then turn the ends under. Edit: I bought the so cal resident pass so it's not like I paid full price and I know that I have the opportunity to come back again soon. I'm not sure I'd have the same feelings if I had paid full price or knew that I wouldn't be going back during a sunny day soon. I got really excited when 함평출장안마 they kissed last episode. Also, my parents were overjoyed that I decided not to kill myself and fight for happiness instead. They are my biggest supporters and love me unconditionally. I very lucky to be their daughter. Nitrifying bacteria will grow wherever ammonia/nitrite and oxygen are present. If the filter slows down or begins to run low on oxygen, the bacteria will simply start concentrating on other surfaces of the tank where oxygen and ammonia/nitrite is available. Whether this causes what people call a "ammonia spike" will depend on how fast this transition takes.. So my sister was given up for adoption when my parents were in high school, they stayed together and had me, divorced, and when I was 21, my 25 year old sister reentered our lives. That was 20 years ago and my sister has gone through a lot when it comes to relationships, building them, cutting them off, all of that. Starting an adult relationship with someone you been separated from can be wonderful, life changing, tricky, and painful.. 함평출장안마 In the fourth stage of puberty for girls (often around ages 13 and 14), the accelerated growth of her height will usually slow down. The adolescent's level of body fat will reach higher adult levels, tapering off at around 26 percent body fat. Pubic and underarm hair will continue to grow fuller and more coarse. As embryos, our gonads aren specific to either gender. Their default course is a female one, but they can be diverted through the action of a gene called SRY that sits on the Y chromosome. SRY activates another gene called Sox9, which sets off a chain reaction of flicked genetic switches. If I looking for a neutral (read: not colorful, bold, or bright) lip, I tend to stick to something that will flatter my undertones and be slightly darker than my skin. The goal would be to find a lip that isn making a statement, but rather looks like a healthy, natural color. My favorites for this are Milani Matte Beauty and NYX SMLC in Abu Dhabi.. Make eyes look bigger, cheeks higher, lips fuller. Also in photos it is really hard to tell between how much or what colors are applied because lighting and saturation. Some people, mostly men probably just cant tell. I found three free programs online, OpenShot, Lightworks and Move Maker (although I couldn find it on the Microsoft official page, so I suggest scanning the program with VirusTotal online and then anti malware and anti virus programs on your PC). Lightworks worked only 7 days, but it free, you just have to register yourself. OpenShot works, I think, but I, as a very beginner, couldn find how to do the thing that was the main reason I need a video editing software: cutting out the occasional watching youtube showing on the screen (I wanted to do it frame by frame).
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💖Blog 💖
Cw:138 time:14:20
Today was a normal day. I couldn't sleep last night. I so excited to hang out with my only rl friend. She also has a vape so I really wanted to smoke that. When she did come I used the vape but I only got a little buzz.
I didn't eat this breakfast or lunch today I hope for dinner I can stay under 800-1000 cals. I weighed myself this morning I was lighter which is very good but I still feel fat because when I look in the mirror I look like a cow. My legs, tummy and arms look too big. I want all my bones to show, that's when I will feel beautiful. I'm really motivated to lose weight because this guy I know has lost so much weight and I want to make sure I am thin enough that so he won't call me fat. All I know is that I need to get down to 130 by the end of August because that's when school starts. Yesterday I worked out and today I will work out as well. I think If I work out everyday and eat low cals I will lose a 7 lbs but August. If I don't lose the weight fast enough I'm going to do 3 day fast every week to meet my goal weight. Ugh it's so annoying because when I look at old photos of myself from a few months ago I look so thin and my bones were showing a little then I stopped loseing weight and started binging a lot. I hate myself for not being that thin anymore. I'm just going to continue trying to get back to that weight I was before. Oh and this girl I used to be friends with she got really skinny like ana goals skinny it makes me so jealous that I didn't lose weight like her. I don't know if anyone has any tips on loseing weight really fast please tell me because I need tips. I'm obviously not doing it right. Thank you guys if you actually read all of this.
🌹be safe🌹
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I'm bored and sick so I ran some titanic quotes through several layers of google translate. Can Titanic fans guess them?
1 - Cal: "Thanks for your time and hope you get!" 2 - Rose: "Spring, Jake!" 3 - Rose: "I was saved. Anyone can be saved. I do not like his photos. Only now, in my memory, and so on." 4 - Rose: "Send me, I, as a French girl, I want to use it. Just wear." 5 - Jack: "We do not have lice. We are Americans. Each." 6 - Jack: "Control Op The World!" 7 - Rose: "84 years have passed, but you can still smell the new paint. China is not used even once, but Zhang could not sleep. Dream ship Taitannike. It really is." 8 - Rose: "I blush, I think the older artist. I Monshiu Monette White." Jack: "It is a scene." 9 - Rose: "The truth is logical." 10 - Mr. Andrews: "At this point, we have to do. It makes a great mover." Ismay: "However, it may be flooded and the ship!" Mr. Andrews: "It is made of steel. I can tell the truth. This will make it. This mathematical fact." 11 - Rose: "Jack! This is the first answer to yes!" 12 - Boudine: "What are the benefits of electric shock Smith, and see aisabaraga damn ...... ...... Please forgive me, and supported, faster!" 13 - Brock: "Date of settlement, baby!" 14 - Cal: "I put the diamond layer, set it on the bed!" 15 - Jack: "I mean I do not take a deep breath, we do not use the ground, left kick in the hand is serious. I think we have to do every day ...." 16 - Jack: "Uh ... I do not have?" Cal: "No, you do not get a lot of benefits. I always win, Jack. Do it." 17 - Jack: "I want to get out of here. You will. Your children, watch them grow. If you want to make sure an old woman died and a warm bed. So, in the afternoon, and not the other way around. Otherwise not. Do you get me?" 18 - Boudine: "He worked as an actor the background, women in 1920. His first job as a conductor Fuermosi! His name Douson during Ramadan. I married a man named Kaerfute to Tampa, I saw two children. I Kaerfute, I'll Cedar Rapids is dead!" 19 - Rose: "I think we have a romantic relationship with her." Jack: "no no no. His hand. Said the legs of a prostitute." 20 - Cal: "It has a boat! He has a lot of websites. Get Luofuqiaoyi." 21 - Frederick Barret: "All damper off! Welcome!" 22 - Tommy: "We slice of lime should be allowed to stay?" 23 - Jack: "Transport of destruction. But when it really gives livestock." Rose: "Interview leg? I'll tell you how to do it?" Jack: "If it is not, it is necessary." Rose: "Driver, please tell me, I said." Jack: "Tobacco as a person." Rose: "Kos, like a person!" Jack: "In other words, do not forget that you need to finish school, do you have any comments?"
24 - Murdoch: "Your money, you can save more storage." 25 - Rose: "Isumai Fuluoyide doctor Did you know? Yao amount of knowledge, in particular, can be useful for you." 26 - Ruth: "The goal is to get a good college. This is achieved through protests." 27 - Tommy: "The music of zinc, now I know, that's good." 28 - Cal: "Real people with their own luck." 29 - Lovejoy: "Caledon Hockley in humility." 30 - Ruth: "Education for ship squat? They do not think that they are busy." 31 - Jack: "All I need. The air is not a piece of paper and the lungs. I want to wake up in the morning. I think he's going to be responsible, I'm angry. I run on the biggest ship in the world, one day, I'm going to sleep under the bridge, here we are. Champagne with you." 32 - Rose: "Andelusi, please forgive me. The first question, which has been mentioned several times already Shengcunnengli boat Like, I can forgive. However, it looks good trip?" 33 - Jack: "However, my daughter, Corey." 34 - Rose: "You can not think of a freak." 35 - Jack: "I think this is the gift of life, I do not want to lose. You can not target such treatment. You have to learn to live. For every day." 36 - Cal: "You are my wife! My wife does not need to be specified in practice, for her wife, respect her husband to pay. I'm not stupid, I do it every day. Do not open any? It's good. I am sorry." 37 - Mr. Andrews: "Unfortunately, I do not have a solid younger boat every day." 38 - Rose: "Hi Jack. My attitude changed." 39 - Jack: "I can not tell you, if you find that, Rose?" Rose: "I don't know. I know."40 - Rose: "Burn my mind. Life is good. All the mix." Boudine: "Fancy?" Rose: ""Good?" I'm Sorry Sri Boden. Preparing for Jack." 41 - Rose: "There is not enough water to freeze and boat. Half is not enough. This causes him to die, he will send in half." Cal: "Without a good medium." 42 - Jack: "Day trip, right? I have a little inspiration and entertainment. However, at this stage, so beautiful, now I am, how strange it is, this is a great girl, you know." 43 - Rose: "I am not his wife is a prostitute." 44 - Lovejoy: "As you know, it's funny. You still have time to remove coats and soft shoes all of a sudden." 45 - Cal: "Thank you! I was a baby! Thank you! I've been all over the world!" 46 - Jack: "I am writing to you." 47 - Cal: "Look at me, I'm dirty!" 48 - Jack: "In my humble opinion, the lady away. Here I am, the boat made a statement. Oh, please, get in touch. You do not want to do that." 49 - Cal: "I, too, do not know. You've destroyed something. You do not know me. Oh, I want to open your heart." 50 - Jack: "This is one of the best things Yue Bali. Do not buy small clothes." 51 - Molly: "Is it necessary to reduce Carl's body?" 52 - Rose: "In my hand, Jack in." 53 - Jack: "We must respect. It is necessary to ensure survival. Do not give up. Despair. Now, there is no commitment, responsibility and manifestations." 54 - Jack: "Where is the lady?" Rose: "Winner"
55 - Molly: "I don't know that anyone can understand. What the problem? More space!" Hichens: "Hole in your employees want to turn off at least one more will be!"
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ED Questions ~
1. which eating disorder(s) do you have? anorexia with bouts of bulimia 2. when did you develop your eating disorder? 14 years old 3. are you currently in recovery? nope 4. honestly, do you want to recover? maybe after I’m thin... 5. how are you doing today? good, still haven’t eaten anything. 6. 5 safe foods? most fruit, cucumbers, boiled eggs, diet soda, and coffee 7. 5 fear foods? fried foods, sugary foods, potato chips, cheese, bread 8. do you count calories? yes 9. what is your max calorie limit? I get nervous after more than 600 calories a day 10. what is your height? 5′9 11. what is your ultimate goal weight? 130 lbs 12. are you trying to lose weight? yes 13. have you ever been called “fat”? yes 14. have you ever been called “too thin”? no 15. what is your current goal weight? 130 lbs 16. what was your highest weight? not comfortable sharing 17. what was your lowest weight? not comfortable sharing 18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight? I want to be less than my lowest weight 19. does your family know about your eating disorder? they think im too fat to have an eating disorder 20. do your friends know about your eating disorder? no 21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder? yes and no 22. have any “free foods”? no 23. how often do you weigh yourself? twice a day, morning and night 24. thinspo or bonespo? bothhhh 25. biggest problem area on your body? belly and thighs 26. favourite part of your body? none 27. what kind of results do you want to see? collarbones, thigh gap, skinny hands and fingers 28. do you purge? sometimes 29. do you take laxatives? yes 30. how often do you purge? maybe every few weeks, only when I am feeling really stressed out after a binge 31. do you binge? yes 32. how long have you fasted for? 5 days 33. who’s your biggest thinspiration? Natalie Portman 34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary? I really like Thin 2006, Thin Club (2005 I think) both found on Youtube. And Black Swan has great thinspo in it. 35. favourite thinspo picture? see my blog :) 36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body? nah 37. how does your eating disorder affect your life? sometimes it’s good, when I’ve lost weight and feel confident, sometimes it’s horrible, makes me antisocial and mean. 38. what is your BMI? not comfortable sharing. 39. do you follow a diet? restriction, try to stay under 600 cals if not fasting, lots of diet coke, sugar free redbull and ephedrine. 40. least favourite part about your eating disorder? not getting to binge 24/7 41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships? no not yet 42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? what is it? just junk food in general 43. meanspo or sweetspo? both at different times. meanspo is more affective i think, but sweetspo is always a nice change too. 44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder? not that i know of. 45. ever been inpatient? no I’m “not sick enough” 46. ever been outpatient? no 47. ever been in residential care? no 48. ever been in a psych ward? yes 49. are you currently in therapy? yes 50. what did you eat today? iced green tea, diet coke and diet pills. 51. are you scared about the holidays? yes 52. are your family/friends supportive? no, they dont know i have an ED 53. have any other mental illnesses? depression/anxiety, bipolar disorder 54. looking for ana buddies? YES! 55. what is your current weight? not comfortable sharing.
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