#13 years of making me want to scream about how important love is

[disast3rtransp0rt]

Some of y'all weren't irrevocably radicalized into having a sense of unflinching compassion at a formative age by MCR's "Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys" but honestly it's not too late to join me here.

Listen to "SING" or "Kids From Yesterday" or "Save Yourself I'll Hold Them Back" or "The Only Hope for Me is You" just one time and tell me it didn't alter your DNA.

[charcubed]

I saw Challengers earlier today and I decided to start a running doc of some of my feral thoughts in an effort to not forget what's currently marinating in my brain after my first watch

I want this movie to get a long theatrical release/run because it deserves it, but that's unfortunate because I also NEED to have it accessible to me in my home ASAP so I can pull on all its threads and take screencaps. Alas.

EXTENSIVE SPOILERS BELOW

might add to this later as I remember things, idk

-The parallel of Art spitting his gum in Tashi’s hand and in Patrick’s hand… My jaw dropped soooo early on. Anyway they obviously both act as Art’s “coach” at different times in his life in different ways. (The jerking off teaching?? Scream???) Art craves their guidance and approval as a form of love (which is also directly responsible for his confidence issues) and initially likes to follow their leads in every situation

-The parallel of Tashi making out with both Art and Patrick up against cars… delicious

-Patrick’s car is his “bed” and it’s where he and Tashi fuck. Nice

-Wait now I’m sad because… lowkey Patrick is homeless because Art and Tashi are his home…………….

-The storm = Patrick and Tashi having sex = the reason why Art’s half of the giant poster/ad on the side of the building falls down so only Tashi’s side is left up. Iconic, loooove a good visual metaphor, especially shown nonlinearly

-The parallel of the forehead kisses??? Art and Patrick on the court at the start when they won the doubles, and Art and Tashi in the sad almost-sex scene towards the end??? I will throw up

-Disclaimer and reminder I’ve only seen this movie once and might reform any of these thoughts later BUT…

One of Art’s main things is, as he tells Patrick towards the start, not wanting to be “left out.” He loves and he wants both Patrick and Tashi (but he doesn’t fully want to acknowledge the extent of his want for Patrick for years, and that repression is part of his problems…). He gets “lit up” about the thought of them together not because he’s jealous of one of them but because he’s jealous of BOTH of them; he wants to know it all, he wants to be in the room, he wants to be with them both, he despairs at the thought of losing either of them (but, at the start, especially at the thought of losing or being of lesser importance to Patrick. Obviously he’s a fucking idiot as evidenced by how Patrick goes to see him FIRST at Stanford. Ugh). We see all of this at the start when Art wants to know if Tashi and Patrick fucked. We see this in Atlanta when he witnesses Tashi cheating on him with Patrick but doesn’t directly confront either of them about it; he only skates the edge of confronting it with Patrick in the sauna while also lashing out at him. Patrick tells Art at Stanford “it’s nice to see you so lit up about something, even if it’s my girlfriend” during the homoerotic churros scene because Patrick’s clocked all of this about Art, too. He clocks it further in Atlanta when he shows up to Art’s practice with Tashi and his mere presence makes Art hit the ball harder. It obviously all comes full circle; the cocktail of emotions that Patrick and Tashi being together gives Art coalesces again for him on the court in the Challengers match: Tashi’s threatened to leave him if he loses… and she’s maybe got one foot out the door with Patrick of all people, who Art already “lost” in the past as the love he’s been mourning for 13 years. But what’s important is that THIS time, unlike Atlanta, Art learns about Tashi cheating on him with Patrick not by accident but rather because Patrick actually tells him. Patrick understands the significance of how this will get Art lit up again and make him play the way he needs to for all of their sakes, and it’s fucked up, but… what this means is Patrick doesn’t leave Art out. He TELLS Art – and he tells him in a way only they understand while they’re on the court together again. Of course Art goes through several stages of emotions in response to that fucked up information… but ultimately that moment of honesty and realization between the boys is what Art needed and puts where all 3 of them stand into sharp relief, shedding a light on who they’ve all always been and what their individual needs are.

Art’s always wanted to play tennis, but that desire is framed around his relationships. Tennis is only something he truly enjoys or that fully makes him happy when he’s experiencing it through his connections to other people: he wants to impress, earn the approval of, or celebrate with those he loves who are watching (like his grandmother or Tashi) – which is partially why he wants Tashi to be his coach in the first place. And of course, tennis all began as something Art found joy in because he was always doing it with Patrick. It’s clear Patrick feels the same. At the start, neither of them cared much about winning for the sake of winning unless it was doubles because they competed as a team and that was “really fun” for them. With the singles competition, they kind of cared less about the wins at the start; Art assumed Patrick would win and didn’t care back then, and then Patrick was willing to let Art win so he could impress his family, and they were both fine with all of those sentiments. Tennis was first and foremost something they did with and for each other. As Patrick later tells Art in the sauna, “I miss playing with you” – and, of course, at that point he’s definitely not only talking about tennis. But in that final match, after so many years, Patrick and Art finally understand each other completely again. It’s like they’re in love (because they are and always have been), they go somewhere really beautiful together… etc. They finally reconnect on the court and feel that thrill as they become synchronized again, which is what tennis was always about for them.

And Tashi, who’s irrevocably connected to them both and whose primary love is and always has been the sport itself, gets what SHE’S always wanted: to “watch some good fucking tennis.” It’s why she pitted the boys against each other vying for her number at the start. Though she needs/wants both boys in different ways on an individual level, she doesn’t particularly need or want anyone to ~be in love with her~; she wants the men who are in love with her to entertain her and challenge her and give her a show. So that’s what she tries to accomplish again in the end by telling Art she’d leave him if he lost the Challengers match… but the missing piece in her making that threat – the element that would get Art truly fired up – was that she’d potentially leave Art for Patrick. That final piece of info, when Art finds out about the cheating, is what reconnects them in all of the above ways. Because it’s about all 3 of them and their triangular codependency. They’ve all been broken for 13 years because they all need each other and tennis to be fully functional. Split any of it apart and they just don’t work.

-Literally this is a film where from the moment of the injury they’re all constantly mourning. They all lose their greatest loves that day… Tashi essentially loses tennis, Art loses Patrick, and Patrick loses the two of them. Everything after that is just them being affected by how they’re all mired in various grief and feeling incomplete… until that synchronization at the match when they finally become whole again. Going from that bed scene that was breaking my heart to the final match was HEALING. Things are still fucked up and in progress, but they’re fucked up in a way they all understand, which gives them a path forward. This movie has a fiercely happy ending in that regard… and what I’m saying is that… after the match, once they communicate further, and much later down the line… Art and Patrick should go back to playing doubles and Tashi should coach them as as doubles team. God they’d eventually all be so happy I wanna CRY just thinking about them doing that. It would take them awhile to get there — because yeah, Tashi is living vicariously through Art’s career as an individual player and maybe if Art retired she’d then want to live through PATRICK’S career for awhile — but I think if they worked out their relationship then their tennis could come to reflect the needs of that relationship too, and doubles can still be “good fucking tennis” in its own satisfying right, y’know? I think they could get there and it would be a beautiful collective restart.

-I gotta say, I can't imagine Tashi pregnant. Wild to me. Sorry to their daughter. Oooo also... I think Patrick would be great with kids... when he gets to meet Lily and become "Uncle Patrick" they're gonna hit it off so fast. Help me

-*holds up Tashi watching them kiss after she orchestrated it* *holds up the Challengers match* It’s the same picture. Except the kisses were kisses whereas the match was actual sex. The moaning and grunting… I’m insane. Also Tashi’s “COME ON!!!!” is arguably the sole orgasm/climax we witness in the whole movie perhaps? Though you could argue the hug is too. In this essay I will, etc.

-Art begging for Tashi’s love/validation saying “Tell me it doesn’t matter if I win tomorrow” vs Art telling Patrick in the sauna “this is a game about winning the points that matter” / Patrick saying “I don’t matter?” AAAA oh my fucking Goddddddd I’m gonna die

-Thank you Luca Guadignino for your dedication to having Art and Patrick hold phallic drinks and food in each others’ presence. Specific shout out to Patrick at the beach party holding the beer bottle on his crotch

-Patrick = comfortable with who he is and secure in his bisexuality; honest and open Art = repressing his queerness and his overall desires Tashi = hiding who she is aka her dissatisfactions with life and the lengths she’ll go to because tennis is her true greatest love and always has been

COMPRESS, REPRESS... REPRESS, COMPRESS... AND THEN JUST SURRENDER, ONE TWO THREEEEE

-I need to rewatch to catch the dialogue because it was difficult for me to hear it over the music, but I think in the 3am Atlanta scene Tashi tells Patrick that Art’s grandmother had a stroke. IF that’s what she said (and if there’s no reason to believe it’s a lie Art told; like I said, I need to rewatch)… my immediate impression was that it’s a nod to Patrick being the voice of accuracy and prediction in this movie. Towards the beginning he tells Art (jokingly) that he hopes Art’s grandmother dies of a stroke, and that’s seemingly what literally comes to pass. He repeatedly clocks both Tashi and Art’s behaviors, describing them brashly to their faces (and to us as the audience), and he was right about his predictions. He’s the one who’s not repressed or unaware of who he is out of the 3 of them: when Tashi first asks if there’s something between him and Art, he looks away because he knows the answer is yes; he’s openly bi on dating apps; he tells Tashi he won’t be her lapdog unlike Art which we see later ends up becoming literal; he clocks how Tashi is hiding some of her true motivations when she seeks him out in the storm; and even from afar he predicts Art’s mindset about wanting to retire. For the most part, what Patrick does / says either seems to be or becomes truth. Hmmm, wait, as I’m typing this… something to look out for: the “I TOLD YA” shirt. Working theory: Tashi briefly wears it, she’s the voice of accuracy; then it blatantly switches over to Patrick and he wears it throughout the film and [waves to all of the above]

-Head in my hands thinking of how the word “love” is used in these tennis matches. Also something I need to make detailed note of when I rewatch

-Patrick grabbing Art’s thigh when they first watched Tashi play… oh my GOD

-Patrick pulling Art’s stool close and Art just smoothly sitting on it with no reaction… the way they kept looking at each others' lips... oh my G O D

-I just remembered Tashi referred to the boys being known as as “fire and ice.” What the fuck even.

-Tashi going to Patrick asking him to lose the match for Art… she’s literally like, "do this because I love tennis and if I lose Art then I lose the way I live tennis through him. Do this because if he loses this match he'll lose himself." And she's really like, "Do this because I know you’re in love with both of us." And Patrick is like, "A) fuck you because you know I’ll say yes precisely because I'm in love with both of you so how dare you ask this of me, and B) you’re kidding yourself if you think you don’t miss the challenge I give YOU simply by being myself because I don’t take your shit." Something something they're peers, you know

-Tbh for 13 years when Patrick gets his rare opportunities he’s @ both Art and Tashi like “you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.” And the thing is that he’s RIGHT. He’s right! Art in particular doesn't want to admit it because he's trying to convince himself he outgrew being bisexual / outgrew Patrick but it's obviously bullshit

-Realizing some of the sounds in the soundtrack intentionally emulate the sounds of tennis balls and rackets???? MADNESS

[hayakawalove]

Intertwined (Chapter One)

Best Friends and Better Halves, Chapter 1

Summary: You were in 10th grade when you first met Eren Jaeger. Enticing eyes and a big mouth. There was no way you could know how important he would become to you.

As the tendrils of your youth fade away you find yourself confused. Your relationship with him grows more complicated throughout the years, taking you by surprise at every turn.

A story of love, lust, and addiction.

A/N: This has been in the works for 13 months. We're so excited to finally share it. My best friend @zeninsama who is also the coauthor, and I have spent countless hours talking and thinking about this story. They coauthored this with me and we worked really hard.

I do have some warnings. This story delves into addiction and how it affects relationships. This by no means means we are glorifying it, we are only exploring it. Their relationship will be complicated, but it's supposed to be. If you find yourself no longer interested in it that's perfectly fine. It won't hold back, it won't be pretty.

There will be lots of flashbacks in this fic. We debated for a long time on how to go about it, but I think we settled on a way. Flashbacks will be sprinkled throughout the fic and will always be separated with "~~~" before and after. There will also be the time period before so as to not confuse you. The past is very important to their relationship so it needs to be included. It won't be in every chapter, and some chapters will be purely flashbacks. We will use "///" to indicate transitions in a scene. The flashbacks for the most part will be in order.

We love this story, and hope you do too.

CW: Drug use, alcohol use, violence, fem reader, AFAB reader

W/C: 8,043

Banner credit: @benkeibear

~~~

-Summer before Senior year-

Warmth. 

He always did run hot. His lips meld to yours, whispers of cherry gracing your tastebuds. Rough hands you had long been accustomed to held your face, keeping you still and pliant just for him. Eren’s tongue slips free, gently dragging along your bottom lip. You felt as if you were floundering, desperately trying to keep up. He pulls away and you’re met with forest green staring back at you. 

“Was that any better?” He teases. 

~~~

-Current-

Eren Jaeger is a lot of things. 

Punctual is not one of them. 

It’s not the first time, and it certainly won’t be the last – but it was, however, the first time Eren had been late to a party he invited you to. You weren’t much for large gatherings, or gatherings of any size for that matter. You would’ve opted to stay home if Eren hadn’t practically begged you to come with him.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” He had said. 

Yeah, right. It reeks of booze and frat boys only have one volume – screaming their heads off. 

You sigh and push off from the countertop, not wanting to wait around any longer. If Eren was going to come he would’ve shown by now. Thanks a lot, Eren. 

You make it one step before an arm snakes around your shoulders. 

“Hey.” 

The scent of cheap beer is replaced by warm, woody cologne, cut with the pungent smell of weed. It’s so distinctly Eren Jaeger. 

He squeezes your shoulder in a half-hug. 

“Leaving so soon?” 

“Soon? I’ve been here for 30 minutes,” you grumble. 

Eren releases you from his hold and repositions himself in front of you, blocking you from the kitchen door. He’s dressed in all black, a worn brown leather jacket draped over his shoulders. Tucked behind his ear is a neatly rolled joint. It was a signature look for him. 

“Work ran late. Besides, I had a few deliveries to make.” 

“Deliveries? What, does the shop not pay you enough?” You tease. 

Eren’s mouth quirks in a smile as he pokes back, “I thought my best friend was supposed to support my passions. I’m a small business owner.” 

You roll your eyes, moving to pass Eren and finally be released from this hellhole, but his hand grips your wrist to pull you back. His touch is warm, grounding. 

“Heyheyhey, where do you think you’re going?” 

“Home? I’ve had enough of this place.” 

“But I just got here! Come on, just one drink and we can head out.” 

“Fine.” 

You allow Eren to drag you back into the kitchen and lean against the countertop for support, watching with your arms crossed over your chest while Eren fills a red plastic cup with a little bit of everything spread out before you. Vodka, wine cooler, some kind of fruit juice. 

“Gross, Eren!”

“Don’t knock it until you try it.” 

He takes a swig from your cup before handing it to you (“making sure it’s safe”, he says) and you accept, brow raised in suspicion before following suit and taking a sip. Besides the initial bite from the vodka, it’s really not that bad. It just tastes like juice – albeit a dangerously intoxicating one that’ll have you regretting tonight even more in the morning. Eren always takes his drinks like this, opting to get loosened up faster and not really giving a shit about the contents. 

Against your better judgment, you take another sip.

“Yeah, it’s not bad.” 

“See? I’ve never steered you wrong. Ever. Not even once.” 

You snort into your cup and Eren raises his brows, feigning offense. 

“I haven’t! Name one time.” 

“The time Mrs. Steven busted us trying to buy beer with your shitty fake ID.” 

“That wasn’t that bad.” 

“My mom grounded me for a month!”

“We wouldn’t have seen each other if I didn’t have the best climbing skills in town.” 

You both laugh and shake your head, watching the party ahead of you with a smile on your face while Eren watches you with a smile on his. 

“Okay koala man.” 

“Koala man?”

“They’re good at climbing, right?” 

Eren’s drink helps ease your nerves, along with your burning need to leave this party. You might even say you’re starting to have fun now that Eren’s here. He tends to do that – make anything feel fun and lighthearted. He doesn’t take things as seriously as you do. This used to make you skeptical when you first met Eren in high school. He seemed like a bad influence, if not just a nuisance, but you had to admit he really was a good guy. He’s still a little shit though. 

“So, who do you even know here? I thought all your friends were in Paradise City.” 

“This is Reiner’s house. You’ve met him, right?” 

Reiner, Reiner, Reiner… You mull it over. Eren has a lot of “friends”, so it’s hard to remember all of them by name. He’s always been so charismatic. 

“Blond? Muscles?”

“Bingo.” 

“Oh yeah, he’s nice.”

You throw his name around several times in your head. You hadn’t had many interactions with Reiner, but everytime you did speak with him he seemed nice. To be honest, you weren’t really sure what he and Eren had in common. Reiner was a jock through and through - even played for the football team. Eren on the other hand… Well, he was Eren. Your Eren nonetheless.

Your lips press against the plastic cup as you take another sip of Eren’s concoction, feeling a buzz start to come on already. Your senses feel dull as your eyelids slowly get heavier and heavier.

“Hitting you harder than I thought it would, damn you’re a lightweight.” Eren chuckles, tossing back his drink like it was nothing.

You click your tongue at him and roll your eyes. Maybe he had a point. It wasn’t your fault. Not everyone drank and partied it up in highschool like he did. You dread the day a doctor gets a look at his liver - or even worse, his lungs.

“Finish your drink then we can head out if you still want?” He offers, tossing his cup in the overflowing bin beside you.

You nod and swish your drink around in front of you, there was still half the cup left. Eren lets out a chuckle.

Eren hops off the counter. “I’m gonna go light up, you coming with?”

“I think I’m good.” 

He plucks the joint from behind his ear and heads towards the patio. “Suit yourself. At least try to make some friends while I’m gone. The thought of you being all depressed without me is gonna ruin my high.” 

“Yeah, bye, Eren,” you wave him off, a smile spreading across your face. 

You notice your body feels much more relaxed now than it did initially. Eren has a funny way of doing that to you. Most of the time, you’re polar opposites – you being high strung while Eren hardly took anything serious. You balance each other out. 

A light buzz reaches your head, heat creeping up your neck and ears. Eren really knew how to make an effective drink. Even the music sounds better, no longer blaring and rattling the house but mellowing into the background with a low rhythm and bass you could feel thumping in your chest.

~~~

-Fall of Sophomore year- 

“Everyone, we have a new student joining our class. Go ahead and introduce yourself, sweetheart.” 

“Eren Jaeger,” the new kid speaks, expression and tone heavy with boredom. His hair is brown and slightly overgrown, sitting just under his ears. “I transferred from Maria Reformatory. Go Titans.” 

Finally, something different. 

“Nice to have you, Eren!” The teacher welcomes. 

His eyes meet yours. They’re beautiful – a vibrant shade of emerald green you’ve never seen before. Only on movie stars, or models, same thing. You straighten in your seat, feeling perceived. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” One of the girls blurts out, causing the class to erupt in laughter.

You return your attention to the assignment in front of you, silently groaning. The teacher attempts to quell the chaos while directing Eren down the aisle, towards the empty seat conveniently located beside you. 

You intentionally picked this seat because you wanted to be away from everyone else. 

“Hey,” Eren introduces himself, tossing his backpack under his desk and digging for a pencil in the front pouch. “What’s your name?” 

You grumble your name, eyes not leaving the worksheet. 

“I’m Eren.” 

“Yeah, I heard the introduction.” 

“Wow. Okay, attitude.” 

Eren slouches in his seat, his too-long legs extending beyond his desk, like a newborn giraffe. 

Focusing is hard when you feel his eyes bore holes into your side, analyzing you. It felt like a bug crawling up your neck, almost making you shiver at the weight of his gaze. You opt to ignore him, do what you’ve always done and keep your head down. You don’t need friends, they’re disruptive. Not like anyone here gets you anyways. 

Eren, however, had no intention of leaving you alone. 

“How do you like the school?” 

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it before.”

“You can’t tell if you like it or not?” 

“I’m trying to focus,” you admit, slightly exasperated. 

“Didn’t know there was a rush.” 

Eren turns forward, brows raised in amusement. You were quick to bite and maybe not the most friendly, but it only piqued his curiosity. 

You watch Eren adjust in your peripheral vision, like he’s just now realizing there’s nothing on his desk. Your finger taps anxiously on your own table. 

“Hey teacher, I don’t have one of those,” Eren points out, referring to your textbook. 

“You’ll get one soon,” the teacher interjects. Don’t say it, please don’t say it… 

Your heart sinks when she says your name. 

“You don’t mind sharing, right?” 

Your finger stills. 

“No, ma’am.” 

Eren smirks and scoots his desk closer to yours, metal legs scraping against the floor until the edges touch. The scent of Old Spice body spray wafts over into your space, with something skunky underneath that explains his red and lazy eyes. 

“This works out great!” Your teacher exclaims, eyes meeting yours. “Now that Eren has joined us, you’ll have a partner for the semester project!” 

The words on the book in front of you sear into your brain. Fuck.

You don’t need to look at Eren to see the expression on his face. Well, at least he was enjoying this. 

“Eren, you’re in luck. Your partner is the head of the class, I’m sure she’ll take great care of you.”

“Is that so?” Eren grins, stretching his long legs in front of him. “Are you gonna take care of me, partner?” 

Normally, praise for your academic achievements feels great. The circumstances were different in this case. You were certain Eren was going to slack off, let you do all the work and stamp his name on the finished result and take your credit.

You’d prefer that, anyways. Keep your head down. Do your best work. Just get through it.

///

You’re on your way out when a familiar voice calls out your name. 

“Hey! Wait up!” 

Naturally, you speed up. 

Eren matches your pace, walking beside you towards the front gate on campus. 

“Jeez, for someone kinda short, you walk fast.” 

You sigh in defeat. “Why are you following me?” 

“Well, we have that end of semester project, right? When should we go over it?” 

“It’s fine, Eren. I can do it and you can sign your name when I’m done. That’s what I was planning on, anyway.”

The brunet grabs your wrist, bringing you to a stop. Heat floods your cheeks, spreading to the tips of your ears. Who was he to just grab you like that? You turn around, ready to give him an earful, but the expression on his face makes you pause. It wasn’t anger, but something closer to determination. 

“I’m not gonna make you do it alone. What kinda guy do you take me for? Let’s just exchange contact info and we can plan something.” 

You wanted to argue back but you couldn’t find the words. Being around Eren steals the words right from you. 

“Fine,” you grumble, fishing around in your bag for something to write your number on – a convenience store receipt – and a pen to write it with. You print your number on the back and hand it to Eren, who studies the receipt curiously. 

He laughs from his chest. “Damn, how many bags of gummy worms do you need?”  

You groan.

“None of your business.” 

“I’m much more of a gummy bear fan myself. It’s a texture thing, and I like that they’re bite size.”

“Good for you.” 

Eren smiles and stuffs the receipt into his pocket, finally releasing his grasp on your arm and starting on past you. “We’ll be in touch, partner!” 

////

COULD BE: EREN JAEGER: Hey, it’s Eren Jaeger. 

You tap out a quick answer. 

You: When do you wanna talk about the project? 

Inviting Eren home wasn’t the best idea. Your parents were strict, and besides, you just met the guy. You weren’t exactly ready to invite him into your home, and who knew what would await you at his? Maybe you could set up at a park somewhere. 

COULD BE: EREN JAEGER: You hungry? I’m feeling like a burger.  

COULD BE: EREN JAEGER: Sent location.

COULD BE: EREN JAEGER: It’s not too far. Meet here?

You: That works. 

You remind yourself to text your parents about your plans. It shouldn’t be a problem seeing as it’s for school. 

COULD BE: EREN JAEGER: It’s a date.

You: It’s a study session. 

The walk wasn’t inconvenient – skip your usual turn, walk another block north, apologize a dozen times to the cars you weave through in the parking lot. When you arrive, you notice Eren already seated with a tray of food in front of him, a fry dangling from his mouth and gaze fixed on his lap. 

You help yourself into the booth across from him.

“You got here fast.” 

His lips twitch up in a smirk as he chows down on the fry. 

“Or you got here slow, shortstack.” 

“Let’s not make that a thing.” 

Eren gestures towards his food, silently offering it to you, but you shake your head. 

“So what do you want to do the project on?” He asks through a mouthful of fried potato mush. 

“Well I was planning on making a heart monitor. They’re pretty easy to make if you just do a cheap one. Then I was going to write a report alongside it explaining what it is and how it works.” You explain, feeling your shoulders begin to relax. 

You had already gotten started on the project so you were praying he wouldn’t want to pick something else. He listens intently while you explain to him how exactly it worked and what was needed still. 

“Sounds cool.” 

Eren picks off the rest of his food while you walk through the project together, pulling your notes from your backpack and explaining everything you had done so far, including a diagram you were rather proud of. 

Conversation lulls into a comfortable silence. You don’t realize your pen is missing until you notice Eren absentmindedly doodling on an unused napkin. 

“What school did you go to?” 

“Okay, Miss ‘I heard the introduction’,” Eren teases. “Uh, Maria Reformatory.” 

Your brow quirks. His expression remains concentrated on his masterpiece, bangs falling in front of his eyes while he gnaws at the straw in his empty drink. 

“Reformatory? What did you do?”

Green eyes flick up to yours momentarily before looking back down. For a moment, you kick yourself. Maybe it’s a touchy subject, don’t be nosy. 

Eren doesn’t seem bothered. 

“I wasn’t a good student. It’s nothing much, just got into fights, drank and smoked. Teenager stuff, you know how it is.” 

You shake your head. “I don’t, actually.” 

Eren laughs through his nose. “Besides, my grades were already shit. Those things were just the final straw.”

You wet your bottom lip, fingers idly tapping on the table. 

Eren took slight notice. He stops drawing and slides the napkin away from him. His expression remained neutral as he leaned back in his chair to fully face you. 

“Fights? Like, physical fights?” 

Eren laughs dryly. 

“Does that scare you?” 

You pick something that looks close to pride on his face. For being sent to a reformatory, it sure doesn’t seem like he learned much. 

“My best friend used to get picked on a lot. He’s kinda like you, actually. Short, bookish type. Anyway, it really pissed me off. I’m not the kind of guy that can just stand there while someone treats my friends like shit.” 

“So you stopped drinking and smoking?” You ask. 

Eren shifts, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“Just learned how to hide it better.” 

He really didn’t learn anything. You heave out an exasperated sigh, but keep pressing. 

“What are you doing here then?” 

“My mom wanted a fresh start for me, figured moving might help.”

You hum quietly in understanding. 

You chat idly for another half hour before your phone buzzes under your thigh. 

Incoming call from: Mom. 

Your heart sinks as it dawns on you – you forgot to text your parents. 

“Ah,” you start nervously. “I’ve gotta get home.” 

“Want me to walk you?” Eren asks casually.

“No, it’s okay.” 

“You sure? It’s getting dark out, what if some creep tries to grab you?” 

Against your better judgment, you give in. 

While the two of you gather your things, your eye catches on the napkin he was drawing on. It didn’t look half bad. It was a flower with designs around it, the art oddly calming after hearing his tales from his old school. You grab the napkin when he isn’t looking, sliding it into your backpack. As you pack up, an odd feeling curls up in your stomach. Would he notice you took the drawing? Would he care? As you make your way to the exit, Eren holds the door on your way out. 

////

You stop a block down from your house. Even from afar, you can see the light on in the entryway, and your parents’ cars in the driveway. Eren is rambling about some cartoon series when you interrupt him.

“Here is fine,” you murmur, refusing to make eye contact. “I’m just down the street.”

Eren raises a brow suspiciously. You answer before he can ask. 

“I’m already in trouble for being late. If my parents see me with a boy, they’re gonna flip.” 

“Alright, well I’ll see you tomorrow.”

////

You did not see Eren tomorrow. Or the day after. 

Everything was radio silent. 

The prospect of having to deal with a new kid made you nervous at first, but you felt more at ease after getting to know him better. It was sort of ironic, in a way. You learned that Eren was a bad kid who liked to smoke and drink. Why did that make you feel more comfortable? If anything it should stress you out even more. He’s a bad influence. Maybe it was because he was being honest. Honesty is hard to come by nowadays. 

It looked like you would end up having to do the project on your own after all. It wasn’t that big of a deal, you were planning on doing this alone anyways… So why did you feel let down? 

////

The project is due tomorrow.

You’re hunched at your desk in your room, bottom lip pinched between your teeth. The heart monitor was more or less put together, and the written report just had a couple hundred words left before it was ready to submit. 

You knew you could do it by yourself, but it still would’ve been nice to have help. 

You open your files, ready to hammer out the final details.

“Wait, where is it?” You hum to yourself, scrolling a little too far in your files for your comfort. 

You try typing in the file name, only for your screen to taunt you back: no files found. 

You could have sworn you saved it under that. 

Your fingers shake from anxiety. Frantically, you type variations, thinking you might have saved it under something else. It’s no use.

“You have to be joking. Where is it?” 

At first it was mere nervousness, but now you’re in a full blown panic. 

“No, no, no!” You chant to yourself. 

Weeks of work, all down the drain. Did you save something on top of it? If that was the case, it was lost forever. 

Hopelessness washes over you. What were you gonna do? 

You’re about to accept your impending doom, no doubt get a failing grade on the assignment and lose your spot at the top of your class when you hear something clatter against your window. 

Your gaze snaps to the window, confused, until you watch something hit your window again. 

A twig? What the fuck? 

You approach the window and slide it open, about to stick your head out when another twig narrowly misses your face. 

“Shit, my bad!” Eren calls out, voice a little too loud for your liking. 

“Eren?”

There’s no fucking way. 

You look behind you, expecting your parents to open your door at any minute but they don’t. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“The project is due tomorrow, I came by to help.” 

You watch in awe as Eren heaves himself up, scaling the trellis alongside your house until he reaches your bedroom window, his face inches from yours. Light work for him. No reaction. 

“What is wrong with you?” You yell in a hushed tone, hoping the rustling foliage and thump of his feet against the house didn’t wake your parents. 

Eren grins. 

“A lot of things, I thought you already knew that.”

Wordlessly, you step out of the way so Eren could help himself in your room. 

If you weren’t so pissed you would have been impressed. Your room was on the second floor, and he’s barely breaking a sweat. 

Eren looks around your room, noticing the aforementioned heart monitor sitting on your bedroom floor and an open laptop on your desk, alongside a ripped-open pack of gummy worms. 

“So, what’s left to do?” 

“You really think I would leave things left to be done until the night before it’s due?” 

His brow raises. “Uh, maybe?”

You sigh and cross your arms, eyes dropping to your feet. 

“It was almost done, but I lost the report. It needs to be rewritten completely.” 

“Okay great, I’ll do that and you finish whatever it was you were doing here.” He carefully steps over the monitor and settles in your chair. 

“You can’t just write a whole report in one night.” 

Eren meets your gaze, grinning. “I like a challenge. Sit back and watch, shortstack.” 

He starts typing at a quick pace. 

////

You pause your work on the monitor and look up at Eren. His eyes glide over his work, his chin propped in his hand. His other hand helps itself to your gummy worms – a small price to pay for his help. 

“What happened to you anyway? You totally disappeared on me, it kinda sucked.” 

“Got grounded.” 

“What’d you do?” 

“Left some weed in my pocket. My mom went to do some laundry and it made a huge fucking mess in the washer, so I lost my phone.”

You let out an incredulous chuckle and he turned from the screen to look at you. 

“Yeah, yeah. Get it all out.” 

“I thought you said you were better at hiding it?” 

Eren grins. You can’t help but mirror him. 

Sure he was annoying, but you liked his company whether you would admit it or not. 

////

You didn’t know you fell asleep until your morning alarm woke you up. 

You must have taken yourself to bed at some point in the night. Forcing your bleary eyes open, you notice Eren’s figure hunched over your desk, still snoozing. 

Bangs hit against your door and you nearly jump from your skin. 

“Honey? You’re still asleep?” 

You throw a stuffed animal at Eren’s head, waking him up with a snort. 

“I-I’m awake!” You call back. 

You sigh in relief that your door was locked. If your parents came in and saw a boy sleeping in your room, you were gonna be in a whole world of trouble, way worse than a failing grade on an assignment. 

“Okay! I heard you snoring. Maybe you’re getting sick. Breakfast will be downstairs.” 

Your mom’s voice trailed away as you hear her descend the stairs again. 

Eren’s awake by now, rubbing his tired eyes with a yawn. “I want breakfast.” 

“You fell asleep in here?” 

“So did you.”

“It’s my room!” 

Eren shrugs and checks his phone, the battery almost drained. “Shit, it’s almost seven. I don’t have time to go back home. Guess I’ll go straight to school.”

He rises to his feet and stretches, reminding you of a cat. “Want me to wait outside for you?” 

“No, I’ll see you in class. Try not to lose the report.” 

Eren reaches for the handle of your bedroom door. You smack his hand and look up at him incredulously. 

“Take the window!” 

////

It was almost kind of funny. You’ve spent these last few weeks so nervous about the presentation, but when the time finally came, you felt relaxed. Maybe it was Eren’s influence encouraging you to take a breath for once. 

Eren takes the lead, reading the report aloud while you attach the nodes of your handmade monitor for the demonstration. Once he was finished, you turn it on, the monitor instantly coming to life, projecting Eren’s steady heartbeat. You lean forward to reposition one of the nodes, not wanting it to slip. You don’t realize how close you are until Eren’s breath hits your face. He’s looking directly at you. 

“It works.” He says matter of factly.

“You didn’t have faith in me?” 

“Of course I did.” 

Of all the times you’ve seen Eren smile, you’ve never seen one quite like this. It felt softer, genuine. The kind of smile you can’t help but mirror back until the pace of Eren’s heart rate accelerates, filling the room with a racing thump thump thump.  

Your teacher claps, signaling the end of your presentation. 

You end up with an A on the project, not unfamiliar for you, but it felt more rewarding this time around. 

////

Eren meets you outside your last class. Immediately, you notice he’s holding something behind his back. Something he’s trying to keep secret as he pivots slightly when you approach him, wanting to obscure this surprise even more. 

“Hey, Eren,” you greet, mildly suspicious. 

“How was your day?” 

“I’m so ready to go home.” 

There’s a crinkle as he extends his arm, offering a familiar brightly colored bag to you. 

Sour gummy worms. 

“These are for you, by the way.” 

You snatch the bag of candy, inspecting it closely. “For me?” 

Eren cocks his brow. “You think I’m trying to poison you?” 

“Or drug me,” you tease, though your tone is dry. “Don’t they make candy edibles like these?” 

Eren laughs, a throaty chuckle rumbling from deep in his chest, and tilts his head in amusement. 

You really, really like Eren’s laugh.  

“I’m not giving you edibles. Shit’s expensive. I just remembered you like those, and you worked really hard on the project, so. You deserve it.” 

You stuff the bag in your backpack, finally deeming them safe. 

“I’m surprised you remembered I like them.” 

“Obviously.” 

Eren walked you home, babbling on about his day, about cartoons, sometimes picking on you. You found it a little annoying, constantly having this guy follow you around, but his presence became a comfort to you. You thought you’d be done with him once the project was over, but you quickly learned Eren had no intention of backing off. He wanted to walk you home. 

Guys usually weren’t nice to you. Unless this was all a ploy, which was possible. Maybe he just wanted to make you look stupid. Time will tell. 

As you sat in bed that night, you looked at the crumpled bag of candy, and something akin to gratitude bloomed in your chest. You tear open the packet, picking a blue and red worm first and popping it into your mouth. 

How odd, you think. 

Whatever. 

You ate the candy that night, and you could’ve sworn that it somehow tasted sweeter than usual.

~~~

-Current- 

“Hey there.” 

You open your eyes to find a man who is definitely not Eren standing in front of you. 

He runs a hand through his bleach blond hair and flashes you a mischievous look in his dark brown eyes. The kind that makes you clutch your drink closer to your chest. The buzz in your body becomes a shiver as you shift uncomfortably.   

“Hey,” your tone is curt, borderline uninviting. Eren said to make friends, but you were certain this stranger didn’t come to you just for a conversation. 

“What’s a cute thing like you doing all alone?” 

“I’m not alone, I’m actually–”

“So your friends just left you here?” He takes a step closer to you, backing you against the counter and grabbing the cup from your hand, ditching it on the counter. “Come hang out with me instead.” 

“I’m good actually, I think I’m just gonna stay here.” You put on a brave front, begging your voice not to betray you. 

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. I can show you a good time.” He grabs your now unoccupied hand and leans in closer, close enough that the acrid scent of beer, cigarettes and sweat fills your senses with his every exhale and you tilt your head away to escape the smell. 

“Hey man, she said she’s good.” 

You’ve never been more relieved to hear Eren’s voice. You look at him with wide eyes, silently asking for help.

The blond bares his teeth in a sardonic smile.

“Who’s this? Your guard dog?”

Eren’s brow twitches. It’s one of his tells, a sign that his patience is wearing thin. You know better than to provoke Eren with the temper he has. It almost makes you feel sorry for the blond if he wasn’t actively harassing you. 

“Yeah and I bite, now back the fuck off.” 

His sweaty hand tightens on yours. 

“I’m good, man.” 

“I said get the fuck off.”

Eren charges forward and shoves the man away from you by his shoulders. He stands between you like an impenetrable wall, towering over the man who fucked around with Eren Jaeger’s temper and was about to find out. 

The man staggers back, hitting the opposite countertop. He brushes off his wounded pride with a scoff. 

“Lay off dude, I’m just trying to get laid like everyone else here. You can have her, she’s a fucking prude anyways.” 

You could choke on the tension building in the air. Eren is seething. 

“What did you just say?”

“I said I’m just trying to get my dick wet but this stuck up bitch isn’t cooperating.” 

The insult might’ve stung if you weren’t so terrified of what was going to happen next. Eren’s gaze lowers, eyes intense like he’s contemplating something while fidgeting idly with the thick metal band on his middle finger. Like he’s making a choice. 

“Is that so?” 

You feel a chill run down your spine at the poison laced in Eren’s voice. 

“Yeah, have her to yourself. That is if you can get her to spread her legs for you-“ 

Eren made his choice. His fist connects with the blond’s cheek, skin splitting under his ring, making him stagger and clutch his face. It takes only a second for his expression to shift from shock to pure rage.

Not even a second after you get out of the way, the stranger charges forward and throws Eren onto the counter by the front of his shirt. His fist slams into Eren’s nose with an audible crunch.

Eren’s knee shoots up, nailing his opponent in the balls hard enough to make even you grimace. Low blow. The man swears loud, doubling over in pain, and Eren takes advantage by uppercutting the blonde in the eye. 

The quarrel gathers a small group of people into the kitchen, their murmurs drowning out the House music blasting in the other room. 

The man lands a hit on Eren’s brow, splitting the skin, bright red blood immediately gushing towards Eren’s eye. 

“Porco!” 

You hear another man shout from behind you. 

The man you now recognize as Porco turns around towards the voice. Eren pushes up, but Porco is too slow to react. Fists continue to fly while Reiner pushes his way through the crowd, nudging you out of the way to separate the two.  

“Galliard! Jaeger! Step off!” Reiner’s voice bellows. He grabs Porco by the scruff, like a kitten, yanking him backwards. 

“He’s fucking crazy!” Porco spits out, his face battered and bruised in mere seconds. 

Eren’s eyes still narrow in on Porco. 

“Ren, come on.” You murmur, grabbing onto his arm. 

At first, Eren doesn’t budge under your hands. It takes a couple of tries before he allows you to drag him out, eyes never once leaving Porco. You don’t let go of his arm until you’ve exited the house, when your feet finally make contact with the sidewalk, finally trusting that he won’t go running back. 

“What the fuck was that Eren?” 

His silence had never been so loud. His body heaves with every breath, adrenaline still coursing through his veins. 

“You can’t just beat people up!” 

“He was being a fucking dick!” 

You start down the sidewalk, choosing to ditch your car for the night. The last thing you need is to be pulled over for intoxicated driving, no matter how sober you felt after that altercation. Your hand remains tight around Eren’s. The neighborhood looks different at night but you piece together your location. The campus convenience store is nearby – you’ve been there countless times before with Eren, whether to get a quick lunch or to load up on snacks before horror movie screenings at the local theater. You could probably walk the aisles blindfolded. 

Eren’s forced to wait outside as you didn’t want to scare the shop owner, or track blood all over his tile floors. Antibiotic cream, bandaids, and a pack of frozen peas. You can make do with this. 

You leave the bodega, fishing through the plastic bag slung over your arm.

“Here,” you toss the pack of frozen peas over your shoulder for Eren to catch. “Put these on your nose, the cold will help with the swelling in the meantime. I’ll clean you up when I can find a good place to sit.” 

Eren obliges, trailing behind you, pouting like a scolded child. 

Just around the corner is a residential park, one you had spent countless hours in despite neither of you actually living in that neighborhood. It’s empty at this time of night, and a quiet spot to sit down was ideal. 

You force Eren to sit on a swing, standing between his splayed legs. Like a baby giraffe, you think. He trains his eyes up at you while you get to work, still holding the frozen peas against his nose. 

You uncap the antibiotic ointment and tend to the wound on his brow. It looks like it stings, you try your best to not wince at the thought, but Eren’s face remains unchanging. Just staring up at you with emerald eyes, looking almost a little reflective. You’re sure he’s still thinking about the fight, replaying it in his head like a highlight reel of Eren Jaeger’s best hits. 

Silence settles between you. There were so many words you wanted to say, but you had no idea where to start. 

Sighing, you settle on: “Why’d you do it?” 

Eren’s answer is unsatisfyingly simple. “He was being a dick to you.” 

“I could’ve handled it myself.” 

“Yeah,” Eren scoffs, tone laced with sarcasm. “You seemed to be doing a great job at that.” 

You bite your tongue and rip a bandage out of its paper to cover up the wound, then observe your handiwork. 

It’s late. You’re tired, the buzz has long since worn off. Wordlessly, you slump into the adjacent swing. 

“Touché.” 

Eren’s demeanor shifts into one more casual, his anger fizzled out. 

“Why don’t you stand up for yourself?” 

“Maybe I don’t wanna make a scene. It’s not a big deal anyways, it doesn’t matter.” 

“It matters to me.” 

You feel your stomach tighten. Ever since the day you met Eren, he was always so understanding of you. He looked out for you. 

You sigh, idly tracing marks in the sand with your foot. You had been to this same park countless times before, making these same shapes in the sand, but tonight felt different. 

“Why do you care so much?” You ask, trying to keep your voice steady. 

From the corner of your eye you see Eren’s long legs stretch forward in front of him. He produces a carton of pre-rolled cigarettes from his pocket and slots one between his lips. His thumb strikes the wheel of his lighter once, twice, before producing a flame that illuminates his face. You watch silently as he lights the end of his joint, exhaling that first cloud of smoke into the night air.  

“You’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.” 

Your heart clenches in your chest. It wasn’t like you were unaware that you were his best friend, but Eren wasn’t the most sentimental person. He wasn’t one for vocalizing his thoughts, or being mushy about his feelings. You knew this about him, so his sincerity always struck you. Every once in a while he would say something that caught you by surprise, making your breath seize in your lungs. 

Eren was a lot of things – brash, impulsive, and annoying – but he also cared about you like nobody else. 

The pungent, earthy smell quickly hits your nose. When you first started hanging out with Eren, you couldn’t stand the smell. Your nose would pinch up in disgust while you watched him get high, but now the scent became familiar to you. It was something comforting, like late nights in the summer when you had no agenda. Like walks to the nearby store to stock up on candy, or deep conversations underscored by low music. 

It reminded you of Eren. 

It reminded you of home. 

“Wow,” you glance at Eren, lips cracking a smile. Your hands hold the swing chains tight, the cold metal biting into your palms. 

“What?” 

“Never would have pegged you for such a sentimentalist, Eren.” 

“You don’t peg me at all.” He responds. 

You try to hold back a smile but it shows through. No matter what, you’re determined to continue poking fun at him. 

“Who knew you had such a bleeding heart.” 

Eren rolls his eyes, a smile threatening to break around the joint. He plucks it from his mouth for a breath of fresh air instead, the silver of his rings glinting in the moonlight. “Oh, shut up.” 

“I’m serious. Did you pull that from a movie? Maybe overhear someone else say it?” You keep poking lightheartedly. 

“You’re the one who asked. Plus, you know you love me.” 

At this point you break eye contact, settling on the moon instead. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” 

You meant it too. 

You weren’t sure when Eren started to matter so much to you. At first he was unbearable – a delinquent who’s favorite pastime was pestering you – but slowly, he turned into a face you expected to see at every turn. Not having his presence felt unsettling, and you found yourself dreading classes without him. 

Eren extends the hand holding the joint. He still offers, knowing you always decline. 

“Want some?”

“No thanks.” 

“Okay. Just thought I’d ask. What with me being a sentimentalist and all.” 

The two of you laugh softly. It always felt like this with Eren. Easy. You had your habits and he had his, just like anyone else, but your friendship felt just as easy as breathing. It was hard to imagine what your life was like before him. 

Eren ditches his finished joint into the sand, squashing it down under his shoe.

“Wanna go somewhere else? I feel bad inviting you to that lame ass party. I think the lanes are still open, or the arcade.” 

The thought was tempting. You did love going to the arcade. It may not seem like much to anyone else, but it felt special to you. Good music, timeless classics, and an owner that hooked you up with extra tokens as a thank you for keeping the business alive. Not far from that was the bowling alley. Neither of you were good at bowling, if anything, you’ve probably watched Eren accidentally throw himself down the lane more than the actual ball. 

As nice as hanging out longer sounded, a feeling of responsibility gnaws inside you. 

“I shouldn’t,” you sigh. “I have a test coming up.” 

“A test on a Friday night?” Eren questions.  

“No, it’s in a couple days. I know you don’t know this but there’s a thing called studying that people sometimes do when they care about academics.” 

“Studying?” Eren plays along with your bit, sounding out the word like it’s unfamiliar to him. “I don’t know, I think my method works just fine.” 

“Just winging it? Yeah, right. It’s a miracle you’ve made it this far, Eren Jaeger.”

Eren is the first to stand up.

“Always so cruel to me.” He fakes a somber face.

“Sure I am,” you stand as well, smoothing out your clothes. “Walk me back?” 

///

The walk back is pleasant, though the cold is biting. There weren’t many students on campus around this time, with winter break quickly approaching. Anyone who wasn’t already home for the holidays was either tucked away in their dorms, or out partying. As for you, ending the semester meant drowning in a sea of tests. You were looking forward to a break. 

Eren walks beside you, hands in his pockets. He didn’t live on campus, so you appreciate him walking with you. Eren had a small apartment a couple blocks away, a graduation gift from his parents who were amazed he made it out of high school. It was a comfortable place for you to hang out, seeing as your dorm wasn’t exactly fit for hosting.

It wasn’t that your dorm was inhospitable to say, however it wasn’t exactly the marriott either. Eren referred to it as the pig sty, but you thought he was exaggerating when he said that. Sure you would occasionally leave some clothes here and some trash there, but it was under control. In your opinion at least. You didn’t have time to keep things spotless. You were running yourself thin between school, work, and Eren. He could be considered a full time job all by himself. 

Eren’s house was nicer anyway. The furniture was simplistic and things were never left out. It seemed like the opposite of what you would expect for someone like him. You had two theories on why things were spotless at his bachelor pad. One, his doting mother Carla raised him to be tidy. His house was never messy growing up so he got used to it. Two, Eren constantly had… how do you say, lady friends over frequently. Couldn’t get laid if your house was a mess. Either way, his place was nice and yours was not.

Your strides slow as you approach the dorm building, pulling your key card from your wallet and tapping it on the lock, hearing it whirr and click, the light flashing green. You reach for the handle but Eren beats you to it, holding the door open for you. The warm air flows from inside the building, fanning across your cold face, the sensation prickling your skin. 

“I’m sorry about tonight. I didn’t mean to stand you up, that was a dick move of me.” 

“Psh, it’s okay,” you shrug. “All things considered, I’d say I had a fun night.” 

You hear a ding further down the hallway where the elevator stood. Metal doors open to reveal two girls about your age chatting inside. Their eyes lock with Eren’s, and it takes everything in you not to roll your eyes. 

The girls pass by as you enter the building, whispering and giggling to each other when they catch sight of Eren. He flashes a grin and flicks his eyes up and down as they leave before returning his attention back to you. It’s nothing new. You weren’t blind, even you could admit Eren was good looking – and you weren’t stupid either. Eren’s love life is a never-ending story. A long list of girlfriends, and an even longer list of hookups. You had long gotten used to the shameless flirting. 

You and Eren make your way to the elevator. Your finger presses into the button, a comfortable silence falling over you as you wait. 

The elevator dings. Your feet only need to move so far before you find yourself at the familiar front door, decorated in construction paper cut-outs with your name written in sharpie. You lean against the doorway, arms crossed over your chest.

“Can I see you again tomorrow?” Eren asks. “I work from 10 to 2.” 

Eren works at a small smoke shop by campus. All of the other employees were students as well, and most of the customers were also students with drooping eyes. You weren’t sure how it began, but you had a tradition of going to Eren’s work to drop him off lunch when he worked. You didn’t go every time he had a shift, but often enough.

“Of course, I’ll bring you lunch. Want anything special?” 

“Nah, surprise me.” 

You pull Eren into a hug, eyes fluttering shut as his scent fills your senses. Spices, smoke with a subtle bite. His arms squeeze around yours before withdrawing, sending you off with a pat on your back. 

“Okay! Get home safe. Try not to get into any more fights on the way home.” 

“No promises!” Eren calls from over his shoulder as he starts down the hallway. You click your tongue, watching as he enters the elevator and disappears behind the doors, smiling the entire time. 

The lock clicks behind you. Tiredness hits you all at once, feet dragging the short distance from your front door to your bed until you flop down in it, pulling your laptop off your nightstand and squinting at the bright screen. Sleep was calling your name, but you were already behind on studying and didn’t want to spend your winter break making up for a failed test. 

At least 15 minutes. Yeah, that won’t hurt. 

You stretch a couple of times, trying to force the exhaustion from your body. 

You make it as far as logging into the student portal before your phone lights up beside you, and you don’t even try to resist the distraction. It could only be one person at this time of night. 

Eren: What’s up? 

You: I don’t know, you texted me. 

Dots appear on your screen, then disappear. You can picture him now, walking down the sidewalk with one hand holding his phone, the other probably holding a lit cigarette. You can picture the smoke and warm breath puffing into the air as he laughs. 

Eren: Do you miss me horribly yet? 

You accept that studying is futile and shut your laptop, instead flopping over and letting your back hit the mattress. Laying down has never felt so good. 

You: Yes, I’m beside myself right now. 

Eren: I can always turn back around. The night is still young. 

You: No, my bed is calling my name. Goodnight, Eren. 

Eren: I was gonna make something to eat but I’m not sure what. 

You: I said goodnight, Eren. 

Eren: You’re no fun. 

The screen starts to blur as your eyes droop, body succumbing to exhaustion. Your arm goes limp, dropping onto your chest. You feel your phone buzz once more before falling asleep. 

Eren: Goodnight shortstacks. 

Tag List: @dinolvrrr, @constawrites

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[12-seconds-to-live]

What If?

Pairing: F1Grid2021! x reader driver!

This is the story of how neither Max Verstappen or Lewis Hamilton became F1 Champions in 2021. 

A girl did.

“What does it feel to be the villian of this season?” “This villian is going to be a world champion”

Abu Dhabi, december 12th - 16:30

"Are you scared?” 

Tik tok, tik tok

I was able to hear the clock tickling on my motorhome. 

A breathe

The eyes of George looking at me

“No, I’m not”

Yes, you are

“You got this and If you don’t...” I sigh

“Please don’t  finish that phrase”

“Sorry, it’s just...”

“I know, there’s a lot on the plate but you know. I don’t have many options right now”

George take my hand “You’re really talented and the best option is winning and you’re making the impossible, like, in a Williams. You’re more clever that all those who want to see you fall. And for next year, did they called you?”

“Not yeat, I guess they’re waiting for the race”

“They’ll look like fools If they don’t call” We share a small laugh

“Thank you for this year, Mercedes is lucky to have you, Lewis will” He smiled

“I’ll still see you from the other side” We stand from the sofa and share a hug “Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow”

Abu Dhabi, december 12th - 17:50

"Radio check"

"Loud and clear"

"We are all with you... whatever happens at the end, you're our champion, Williams is back thanks to you and George"

"Thank you, I need to hear that"

"Formation lap in one minute"

LAP 35/58

"Gap at 0.4 behind Lewis. So let’s just…"

"Why is Verstappen pushing me off-track"

"Yeah, yeah copy we aren´t happy with that. They're investigating"

"I'm gotta go menu dash position two. Tell them that he can't have the position back"

LAP 45/58

"Hamilton 26.8, 26.8. And let us know about the tyres for a Safety Car"

"How many laps left?"

"13 when you cross the line, 13 when you cross the line. Gap to Hamilton at 13.9"

"Copy. I'm ok with a set of hards. Do we have a chance?"

"I know you do. Stay still kid"

LAP 50/58

"And we’ve seen Norris with a front-left puncture, so just be careful on the kerbs"

"So we think the problem might be just turn 15, turn 16"

"I’m off kerbs"

"Okay, copy"

"Lewis still has free air"

"The gap is seven seconds and there’ll be eight to go when you cross the line"

"Copy. Status of Lando?"

"He's out of the car and well"

LAP 58/58

I crossed the line and saw all the fireworks over the finish line. I felt different, something like never before, not like winning in Monaco or Monza. I'm a world champion, the first woman of many.

I watched the people in the crowd weaving at me. I heard the screaming over the radio and while I was slowing down I felt tears runing down my face.

"I'm absolutely speechless. YOU DID IT! Thank you, we love you. Our world champion!"

"Oh, my God yes! Yes, yes! Oh, my God! Oh my God!"

"Y/N! I TOLD YOU SO! You are the world champion, the world champion!"

"GEORGE!? This is ours! WE DID IT!

"You absolutely deserve it, kid. Even if you're not going to stay with us next year, we owe you everything! What a year working alongside you"

"They haven't called so..."

"Are you kidding? The news dropped before the race. You're going to be alongside Max next year"

"No freaking way!"

"We are so proud of you. We always will"

"Oh, my God guys. I love you so much. From my teammate, my race engineer and everyone at the factory"

"You have driven like a champion all year. You deserve that. We needed a bit of luck. You got it. You made it happen. And we love you. We absolutely fucking love you" said George and the whole screaming in the garage was getting louder

"It is unbelievable guys. Can we repeat this If you guys want me in the future?"

After the whole podium celebration with Lewis and Max, one thing was clear. Max didn't win his first championship and Lewis lost his eight. My phone was blowing with messages from social media and my family and friends. But my eyes we're locked with Anthony Hamilton chat.

I knew that Lewis wasn't ok. He hugged his dad and even I can't see his face, he cried. He remains stronger on the podium but I can't look at him in the eyes.

I walked to the Mercedes motorhome. Toto was talking to George and stand up at the moment he saw me.

"I'm sorry"

"You don't have to. You drive so well this season that all of us knew that maybe we could lose"

"Oh. Did you guys talk?"

"Yeah, a few words. We have time"

"I'm gonna see him, it's just... I don't know"

"Go, y/n"

I knock at his door and his dad pat me in the back and let us alone. Lewis was laying down in the sofa with a towel covering his face. When he heard the door closing he remove it.

"Hi" I said

"Hey" He smiled

"I'm not going to make dumb questions, just, I'm happy of how this season went. You're been in the sport longer that I've been alive and even if the feeling of losing it's here, don't let it stay. You're still eveeryone's champion, even mine"

I sit down next to him and he took my hand

"I wanted you to win, you know?"

"You what?" I..." I gasp

"Yeah, you've been so amazing. You have the hunger of a champion and now that you made it, well, you're my idol now"

"Lewis..." I felt that I was going to cry

"Don't cry, baby. Go celebrate. I'm fine, I still more seasons ahead to beat you" I smiled to him and give him a hug

"Let me know when you're in London. To spend a day with you, all right?"

"That's a promise"

He hugged me again and I leave the room. A few people of Mercede's staff were around and congratulate me. As I was walking to my car to go to the hotel, I heard a text.

A thank you from Lewis.

Yeah, he's going to be back.

And maybe in the end ... We are all superheroes.

Each of us with a tragic back story

Specific sets of attributes

Some of us fly

Some of us read minds

And maybe some of us-

Are stronger than others,

We all have potential.

I believe the only difference

Between us all is ...

Who will stand up and fight?

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello!!!

Welcome back! =D

Part 2

Warning: long, long post (also a part 2 but I think y'all are used to it by now-) 😊😅

MattMick!! Also, Beer looking between them like that and Q and Toey peeking from behind cracked me up hehe

Also, does that mean Beer is single? Wait, maybe he's aroace. That'd be really cool.

I did see some hints of a throuple of him and MattMick, but I'm happy with either option.

SO CUTE 🥺🫶🏼

Poor QToey 😭

Their romantic moment got rained on so hard-

Exhibit: Here you can see three males from the species Homo sexuals. Two of them are already mated, and the third is in the courting process. We think the other male is interested too.

Oh- But I thought- oh, this makes sense actually. So the others know. I mean not really surprising when you think about it, to be honest.

With his unprecedented levels of obliviousness? Yeah, no, I get where you're coming from, Chain.

That's your biggest concern about getting a penguin?? 😭😭

Why does Peem look like the exasperated mom friend of the group 😭

After all the tiny crumbs of the past *checks notes* 8262 eps, this is a lot of progress.

HANDS. (I will never stop screaming about hands.)

Cuteee

Peem, babe, he hardly ever goes to class anyways. He's too busy following you around like a puppy.

Me, who holds handholding above everything else (yes, even sex): *DEEP BREATHS THROUGH THE NOSE* I'm fine. *SMOKE COMING OUT OF EARS* Totally fine.

Nothing to say, just a really good shot. (Also, Phuwin's exasperated smile seemed too real and then I learned Pond improvised that scene and yeah, that explains it)

ChainPun: only two people with matching pillow cases

QToey: missing (me?) [Sorry I couldn't resist 😭]

TanFang: peacefully asleep

PhumPeem: chronic insomnia, aggravated by Tan's snores

Matt: cuddling Mick

Beer: dreaming of him and his friends and their boyfriends all graduating with good grades

ChainPun. <33

Let me wrap this moment in my memory forever. (I tried to adjust the lighting a bit but it didn't really work out 😭)

AJSSHUJKJ!!!!! THEY GIVE ME TWO MAKE OUT SESSIONS WITHIN THE SPAN OF LIKE 4 MINUTES AND EXPECT ME TO BE SANE ABOUT IT???

No.

Look, we all expected this. I even said on record I wouldn't survive. And all that mental Muay Thai still didn't prepare me for this.

Till now, I have watched 60 BLs, give or take, so I've seen a lot of NC scenes. Compared to some of them, this is very PG-13, but this one really got me, like very few sex scenes have managed to. The intimacy, the palpable love, want. It all came together so beautifully in this scene.

Them saying 'I love you' during sex is canon! Yay! I knew it in my guts (wrote a fic about it) but feels so good to be right in canon hehe.

"I love you too, now kiss me again."

HANDS!!!! (It's canon now, they hold hands during sex, and so I can freely write a fic about it. Not that something not being canon ever stopped me but yeah.)

Fang: my brother is in safe hands. 😌

Also, love how Peem didn't hesitate to at the chance to kick both brothers and make it a streak 😭👍🏼

Honestly though, this scene shows that Peem is going to go to very long lengths to make sure Phum is okay, even kicking his own brother (which assures me that Peem maybe wouldn't hesitate that much to sucker punch their dad either, which is important information to have for possible future fics.)

How can one man be so goddamn cute??

The whimpering puppy noises- 😭

Cakes are so hard to bake, for real. This one is so cute though 😭😭🫶🏼

Puppy Phum- honestly is anyone surprised? No? Thought so.

This smile-

It holds so much happiness and the brunt of so many years of trauma. It's so beautiful. I'm probably gonna rewatch the heck out of this scene.

I end Part 1 here, Part 2 will be out (hopefully) soon!

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊 (All mistakes are mine, but in my defense, I literally fell asleep while writing this.)

Here, have a pie (of your favourite flavour) 🥧

[novelizt]

✨ IT'S BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ✨

📸 1989 TV SONGFIC COLLECTION INCLUDING :

tim drake, draco malfoy, peter parker, gojo satoru, percy jackson, anthony lockwood

❗Unfinished prompts are subject to change. Fics with no hyperlinks are coming soon!

📷 TRACK 1 : Welcome To New York

“ IT'S BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ” — TIM DRAKE

you start life at the big apple and unexpectedly meet a fortune teller who informs you of the name of your future husband. you try not to think too hard about it, but it's difficult. considering your boss has the same name as your future husband.

📷 TRACK 2 : Blank Space

“ DON'T SAY I DIDN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU ” — DRACO MALFOY

you act like a devil to get your husband to divorce you. only to discover that pushing him away only makes him hold on tighter.

📷 TRACK 3 : Style

“ WE NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE ” — TIM DRAKE

wayne enterprise heir x stark industries heiress

rivals in public, lovers in secret ; two heirs have an explicit arrangement because they can't risk their public image with anyone else.

📷 TRACK 4 : Out Of The Woods

“ WE WERE IN SCREAMING COLORS ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

you think you're hard to love, but he loves you like it's breathing.

📷 TRACK 5 : All You Had To Do Was Stay

“ ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY ” — DRACO MALFOY

you and draco meet again after he had ignored you years before. he wants to tell you why he'd left but he doesn't know how you'd react to him being a criminal.

📷 TRACK 6 : Shake It Off

“ PLAYERS GONNA PLAY ” — GOJO SATORU

it's embarrassing to know that the rumors about you reach other schools. one faithful day, gojo satoru gives you unsolicited advice about doing the shit you want because you'd get hate whether or not you'd do it anyway. a bottle of wine later, and you begin to think he's right.

📷 TRACK 7 : I Wish You Would

“ I WISH YOU WOULD ” — PETER PARKER

your long-time friendship with peter had gone sour. after years of trying to put you behind bars, peter tries to save you from kraven, but you're not sure if you can trust him anymore.

“ I WISH WE COULD GO BACK AND REMEMBER WHAT WE WERE FIGHTING FOR ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

PEERING EYES OVER WROUGHT-IRON FENCES

📷 TRACK 8 : Bad Blood

“ STILL GOT THE SCARS ON MY BACK FROM YOUR KNIFE ” — DRACO MALFOY

turning from childhood friends to enemies, and then learning to tolerate each other after the war is a storm waiting to happen. especially when he had tried to kill you and failed.

📷 TRACK 9 : Wildest Dreams

“ SAY YOU'LL REMEMBER ME ” — PERCY JACKSON

you and percy agree to only see each other for the summer but as august draws to a close, it gets harder and harder to untangle your fingers from his.

📷 TRACK 10 : How You Get The Girl

“ FOR WORSE OR FOR BETTER ” — PERCY JACKSON

hitman! percy

percy is hired to kill an important man in singapore, not expecting to meet and fall for his target's daughter.

📷 TRACK 11 : This Love

“ THIS LOVE CAME BACK TO ME ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

you're back in town. as promised, lockwood welcomes you with open arms. the only difficulty was the fact that you kissed the last time you saw each other.

📷 TRACK 12 : I Know Places

“ I KNOW PLACES ” — PETER PARKER

marvel x pjo crossover ; daughter of athena! reader

peter's only trying to protect you but you're more scared of him than you are of the monsters coming after you.

📷 TRACK 13 : Clean

“ I THINK I AM FINALLY CLEAN ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

lockwood was cursed to be alone. you prove that your love can break curses.

📷 TRACK 14 : Wonderland

“ YOU AND I GOT LOST IN IT ” — TIM DRAKE

you and tim are thrown into wonderland by mad mod. the line between fantasy and reality blur; now, tim stares at you like he wishes you weren't enemies.

“ IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES 'TIL SOMEBODY LOSES THEIR MIND ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

fantasy au!

you were a princess and you liked to dress in gold. one day, you're snatched by a dragon. come to find out that the dragon is a shape-shifting boy who thought you were a statue.

📷 TRACK 15 : You Are In Love

“ TRYING TO PUT IT INTO WORDS ” — TIM DRAKE

it's hard to find the right words to explain why you love tim.

📷 TRACK 16 : New Romantics

“ I CAN BUILD A CASTLE OUT OF ALL THE BRICKS THEY THROW AT ME ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

you recruit the daring anthony lockwood to stage a relationship that will rile up the press.

— FROM THE VAULT !!

📷 TRACK 17 : "SLUT!"

“ LOVELORN AND NOBODY KNOWS ” — PETER PARKER

a publication comes out, announcing that your hero selves are dating. now, you and peter have to distance yourselves because one, mary jane watson—renowned journalist, has been suspecting you of having an alter ego.

“ IN A WORLD OF BOYS, HE'S A GENTLEMAN ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

lockwood is tasked with the important task of protecting a foreign princess, you. you discovered that you liked his boyish charms more than expected.

📷 TRACK 18 : Now That We Don't Talk

“ THE MORE I GAVE, YOU'D WANT ME LESS ” — CHILDE

how bad can it be, to sleep with the enemy?

📷 TRACK 19 : Say Don't Go

“ I'M YOURS, BUT YOU'RE NOT MINE ” — ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

fantasy au!

you are the heir to the throne, soon to be coronated. he is your loyal guard. when repressed feelings come bubbling to the surface, it's hard to keep away. except, he has to, because a prince should be standing next to you, not him.

📷 TRACK 20 : Suburban Legends

“ BORN TO BE SUBURBAN LEGENDS ” — PETER PARKER

you became strangers when you thought you'd spend your whole lives together. one faithful day, peter gets sucked into an old polaroid picture, returning to the day it was taken; your 18th birthday.

📷 TRACK 21 : Is It Over Now?

“ FAST FORWARD TO 300 TAKEOUT COFFEES LATER ” — PETER PARKER

you and peter agreed to stop whatever was happening between you two for his sake. it wasn't good to date your employer's daughter, after all. the task wasn't easy when you work at the same place.

📷 HIDDEN TRACK : Sweeter Than Fiction

“ PROVED ME RIGHT WHEN YOU PROVED THEM WRONG ” — PETER PARKER

a lot of people had a lot to say about peter when his identity was revealed. he revered how you stuck by his side through all of that, even if all you did was run a fan account.

Feel free to message me if you want to be tagged in a certain fic 😊 I'm open to just squealing about our boys and/or Taylor Swift !!

🦋 — @novelizt 2023

[raisedbythetv89]

I just started watching White Collar for the first time and a realization about most male written and directed media smacked me DIRECTLY in the face which is that SO MUCH media written by a for men is genuinely just male nerd self insert, non-canon compliant, AU fan fiction??????

Like them writing and creating stories is just “ok so these guys are soooo smooth and well dressed and women just flock to them at every turn and they can get away with anything and everyone believes and supports them when they do mess up and everyone thinks they’re sooooo brilliant”

This media isn’t just portraying women “for the male gaze” it’s EVERYTHING. Everything in these stories is supporting and uplifting mens’ delusions about who they are, how they’re perceived, and how they should expect to be treated. Which is incredibly ironic because anytime media portrays women or the world in the female gaze in a more “in my ideal world things would be like this” instead of portraying us as nothing but weak, broken, unloved, traumatized, victims OR one dimensional sex symbols with no needs or emotions they’re screaming, crying, throwing up about how stupid and unrealistic the story is….

This explains SO MUCH about how male characters are handled in shows like Veronica Mars and Buffy. Even though they’re shows staring women all the “good guys” get the delusional self insert, y/n, AU fan fic treatment (Buffy still wants Angel in season 3 and Riley in season 6 even after everything they did and Xander is CONSTANTLY forgiven for all the atrocious shit he says and does and is wanted by all women besides Buffy. Veronica forgiving Duncan and getting back together with him and even CONSIDERING Piz could truly only be born from men being delusional AS FUCK. Writing how they want men to be treated by women rather than being based in reality and the woman having even an ounce of self respect.)

Which is why the “bad boys”, Logan and Spike are such better characters. They’re so much more realistic, they get held accountable by the women in their lives, have better growth and are just way more appealing and attractive because they’re not the walking embodiment of what MEN want men to be treated and act like.

Oh god this feels like such cursed knowledge to have like it’s important to see this media for what it really is but now watching it feels that much yuckier like finding the porn of someone you DO NOT LIKE but like their emotional porn “this is what life would be like in my fantasies” and they’re the fantasies of the grossest men alive 😭😭😭😭😭

Also it shows their emotional maturity like all of these things are what 13 year old boys fantasize about not actual mature, grown men….

Also just realized this is why the Star Wars sequels were so hated. It wasn’t just Rey being powerful and loved by her found family and Kylo. It was that the movies showed the reality of men like Kylo. They destroyed the male fantasy Darth Vader created. They aren’t super cool, powerful badasses. They’re extremely sad, broken, temper tantrum throwing lost little boys who just want love and acceptance but have lost the ability to accept it because of the dark side (aka the patriarchy) which is the reality and that made me SOOOOO ANGRY lololololololol and this is why Joss Whedon THOUGHT making Spike into a sad pathetic mama’s boy of a poet would make the audience not like him because that DOES work on misogynistic men who enjoy the male gaze but does NOT work and only humanizes and makes Spike even more complex and lovable to the female gaze 💀💀💀💀 oh good lord

[bogusbyron]

Notes from 24th august matinee. Sorry this is 2 weeks late ive been busy . Heres the cast to keep in mind when reading

Note: if you want examples of certain line deliveries let me know, ill send a snippet from the audio

1) as SOON as the lights came up i was RAKING the ensemble for harry lake  and there he was

2) jordan as tall and commanding in his presence as ever. Spoke "ticket" VERRRRRY fast. Strong "law" on Meaning of the law. Harsh "yes" , on Yes, 24601, and obviously on Javert when he tells Valjean his name. Also held onto the yellow slip which uhhhhh classic

3) Valjean harsh-growl on "lord" in "lord forgive them"

4) Harry lake was hangin out by the stairs in the parole scene. He was also the one to throw the bag at Valjean. Lmfao

5) understudy bishop again! As last time, quite stern rather than gentle like Adam Pearce

6) Valjean spitting "good" in Done a bit of good.

7) bishop harsh on "that is right", as well as Quite loud and harsh on "passion", then quiet on the next line

8) valjean sobbing when bishop hands him his bag back :-((

9) during valjean's soliloquy, slight pause for stolen time after "so far" in Fallen so far, growled "if theres another", entire "gave me a number and murdered valjean" was spoken. "Soul" in Touched my soul verrrry upset-like . Growled "hate" in Hate the world. He also wiped his face on "i'll be back". He was doing a lot of sniffling from this point in the song as well which i liked . Voice crack on "soul" on Touched my soul which i fw. Pause on Reaching like "Reach. Ing". Upset on "Reaching but I fall", and a VERY strong final note.

10) At the end of the day as per an absolute banger - tom hext is the MOST visible ensemble member during this number, its great . Harry was being elusive but I ended up spotting him with tom in the factory . On the topic of Tom, he apparently did the hugest bitchiest eye roll ever when fantine says "and i pay for the child, what's the matter with that?" Which is so funny

11) katie hall AS USUALLLL TEARING UP DA STAGE🗣🗣🗣 delectable performance , lovely little suspended pause on "Life...... worth living". More goosebumps than usual too ohmy god this song is so good live. Also some sobbing between "autumn came" and "still i dream" .... HOLY SCHMOLY what a voice

12) tom and harry were the 2nd and third dudes at the start of lovely ladies . Not important but it is to me . As usual harry gets his arse slapped after "take all year" as he stumbles offstage LMFAOOO

13) for some reason i thought the foreman and the pimp were played by the same guy , only realised they werent when they BOTH came onstage. For context they look identical . Long hair with a beard. How was i supposed to know

14) fantine stumbles a bit after belting "already dead" . Also lots of weeping again for the bambatabois sequence :-( (also like last time he was like a screaming toddler)

15) javert low on "monsieur" in Rest assured, Monsieur . Which i liked

16) HEARTBREAKING "no" as fantine reaches for javert and he steps away before "i have heard such protestations" UUGHHHH

17) YOUPIEE! Breaking: My Ship Touched Each Other. Valjean puts a hand on Javert's shoulder to hold him back from Fantine .

18) hm, gayest cart scene ive seen so far . First we got the classic extended bicep touch as they make eye contact ("a memory stirs"). Javert harsh delivery on "broke" in Broke his parole. Half spoken "Of course" in Of course he now denies it. Harsh on "he couldnt run forever". Back to the gay shit, he walks RIGHT up to valjean, then once theyre basically cock to cock he glances down at his tits, then back up in time to push his face into valjean's for "this time there is no mistake", making sure to spit that T in mistake. Im taking they were inches away from each other. Insane.

19) milan was kinda looking down for Who Am I and all i could think about were how good his brows looked from this angle . Only note i took for who am i , other than mentioning how javert took his cravat after he takes it off in the courtroom. You can hear on the audio i took me saying "he's gonna sniff that tonight"

20) katie hall as always unreal as mentioned but shes seriously so good during this scene, her notes are still so strong despite being also so convincingly frail, duuude. Insane. Her and milan are such a heartbreaking duo its FAB

21) confrontation SWEEP🗣 valjean's spoken "listen to me". Javert kinda snaps "you must" very suddenly which is hilarious . Additional note but jordan's figure works so well for the confrontation and javert in general, or at least the way i view him so is it any wonder im so fond of him . Dude's hench . Makes him all the more imposing in all of javert's layers and coats .. delectable. All that grunting and groaning during the fight though Also his mouth wipe after he gets strangled Helloooo get out. At this point i wrote "shit punch" cause valjean's last punch at the end of the scene kinda sucked .

22) i forgot the actress but little cosette is sooo sweet shes lovely bless. Castle on a cloud is underrated i love that song .

23) 6th time seeing the show, 2nd tjme seeing luke thenardier.😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO tom sweep anyway

24) i like that Tall Jean (aka Willy Wonka as jordan told me he's called) is clearly an important character cause they still have him even when Jordan isnr ensemble, same fit and everything just with a diff waistcoat. Like hey Fake Jean. If youre reading this and dont know who this is you're a fake fan.

25) i like luke's french accent on "best inkeeper in down" .. mix it up a bit.

26) the gentleman guest cackling like a madman when both thenardiers flash him at the start of the song LMFAOAO

27) tom plays the blind guy if you didnt know. Anyway harry like, crawls? Up the stairs at the back of the set and when he gets to the top hes faced with a woman lifting her skirt in front of him . He then proceeds to stand up and play bongos on her boobs.?? Then later Fake Jean passes him a drink so thats nice

28) thenardier shouting "window shut"

29) here i wrote "jordan should play all the roles" who cheered

30) UGGHHHH valjean taking cosette's hands when asking her name in the forest scene brugh

31) luke is great as thenardier but i prefer the way Tom does the "i will pay" gag , cause luke just sorta jolts awake but tom does a whole snort which works better cause it draws more attention WHATEVERRR.

32) thenardier puttinf his leg up on the table when hes trying to impress valjean?? 😭😭😭😭

33) dude how is this show gonna cope w/o Claire Machin when the cast changes shes seriously so good . When the thenardiers are stood together to the side after valjean sits down at the table she like keeps gesturing as if telling thenardier to speak properly which is so funny . (As a guy with a regional english accent this was #felt.). She also fixes his cravat and then he taps her nose which was fire. However luke did fuck up  and said "shared each bone" twice OOPS oh well. He makes up for it with his classic shoulder touch-clap-stamp instead of doing the christian cross

34) valjean as last time grabbing thenardier's lapels to intimidate him before he leaves LOL

35) Will as marius i noticed moves around a LOT . ADHD who

36) harry as one of the policemen  who accompany javert in The Robbery YAY❤

37) for javert's bit in the Robbery - harsh on "hunted", growled "jean valjean". YUM! Plus spitting "feet" at thenardier. Very strong for the whole thing in general which i love to see of course

38) STARS INFLECTION, unfortunately nothing too interesting to note - not a bad thing cause Jordan's voice is gorgeous it just makes for Boring note readingLOL. Anyway..... Harsh start ("there, out in the darkness"). Very toothy (snarling expression) which i love to see thankyou jordan. Smile on first "stars", little smile on "counted" on Scarce to be counted. Held out arms a bit on "darkness" in Filling the darkness, then soft on "and light" which was luurvely. Had his arms out from "place in the sky" to "and your aim". The 2nd crescendo was VERY strong.. just wow ... additionally , Jordan was pointin riiiight at us at the end and he was thrilled to hear this when we met him stage door LMFAOA

39) Looked like marius almost walked into a beam when he enters the stage after Stars.  He also does a little giggle when he leaves . That whole scene he did not stop moving , girl slow DOWN

40) fake Gérard - he has the halfmoon glasses but wore a red coat instead of the greyish-blue one

41) Marius is so hype to be in love its so good, like hes a boy who's read romances all his life and hes finally like , able to experience it himself. Its so good. Hes thrilled. Grantaire gives him a kiss on the cheek❤

42) When marius, on the stairs, opens his arms a bit when he sings "burst of light", grantaire does the same while watching him from the floor. So good

43) when the students all gather round to listen to enjolras, grantaire like, drags him away from the crowd LMFOAA at the start of do you hear the people sing

44) noticed harry picking up and spinning one of the women as he exits after dyhtps. Also at this point i wrote "too many fair-haired white boys in this damn musical"

45) Cosette did a little swoop up into a high note on "love" in Do people really fall in love so fast. I love phoebe's voice!

46) Marius VERY excited on "music OFANgels" which was funny. Soft, near whisper on following "in my life". He did a little spin on "that is new, that is free". Bro does not stop. Also he does a really nice accent i cant quite place properly but it works for his marius i think.

47) He LOBS the stone at the window as compared to the other two mariuses ive seen who just kinda ... toss it. Hes so awkward though. And here i wrote "he feels mature but in the coddled autistic boy way. I fw him" that about sums it up

48) amena soft on "dagger in me" which she usually doesnt do . Interesting !

49) also for some reason there was like too long a pause after heart full of love like nobody clapped. Lmfao?

50) claquesous being used as a step stool again by thenardier during the attack on rue plumet. Always hysterical

51) Didn't hold the final "somebody's here" which i dont think ive ever heard. Strange! But regardless. Will callan has quite a unique voice which i WAS fond of , i liked him a lot .

52) STILL NO JAVERT BAKER BOY FOR ONE DAY MORE👎 anyway he was harsh on "wet" in They will wet themselves with blood. So, yay!

ACT 2

53) baker boy. Cheered

54) milan's "bitch expression" as i referred to it returns when he reads Now that i knlw

55) there were so many minor backstage noises . Btw like urm someones in trouble lmfoaa

56) AMENA BLOWING ME AWAY AS USUALLLLL gooooosebumps . What a voice god shes awesome

57) loudhailer harsh on "you" and short on "this"  for You at the barricade listen to this

58) djavanjolras being taller than jordanvert will never not be funny. Hes the only one bruh

59) javert's smile just FALLING when gavroche shouts LIAR is so fucking funny

60) Will callan's voice was SOOOOOOO good for A Little Fall of Rain ohhmy god its like , gentle , smooth. Delectable. He hit that shit And the heartstrings, amen. Great combo of like, disbelief and almost defeat which was heartbreaking okhhhmy gah.

61) Grantaire stopping enjolras from going to Marius after eponine dies

62) grantaire sits down and talks to javert after javert is brought out to sit on the bench which i think is hilarious . Like they were just chatting

63) valjean's gun didnt go off when he shoots the sniper in the first attack😭😭😭😭

64) javert harsh on "upside-down" in The world is upside-down

65) BARRICADE SCEEEEEENE we were fed. Javert shoved to his knees. Pause "between once a thief. Forever a thief." Harsh, growl on "if you let me go beware, you'll still answer to javert". Lapel grab AS PERRRRRR but thistime javert was struggling a bit and kept jerking away to break free . He put his hand on his chest when valjean let go. He took a couple steps towards valjean before he says "go" which was CRAZY

66) the "pretty girls" line in Drink With Me was harry 😁😁

67) grantaire and gavroche's hug after grantaires verse is always fire

68) milan very soft on all the "him"s during bring him home. VERY strong on the crescendo though as usual .. wowzers

69) 2nd attack - grantaire kinda collapses onto a barrel instead of fighting, facing the audience the whole time. After gavroche's death when he takes his body hes sniffling the whole time WHATEVERRR RR BRUH

70) enjoltaire was fed too . Hug and forehead touch before the final attack .

71) HIGHLY inconvenient death pose for grantaire . Kinda sat on the barricade and his coat mustve caught as he slid down cause itbwas basically halfway off up his arms as he kinda hung from a plank or something LMFOAAOAO

72) javert looking genuinely quite distressed over gavroche's body which is crazy  mane fuck off jordan with your expressions

73) thenardier playing with the body's arm kinda shaking it after first verse of Dog Eat Dog. Harsh on "kill" in Where they kill for the bones in the street. Where tomarsier steps on marius' arse like a stool  during the song's climax luke steps over him instead

74) Javert heavy breathing when he sees Valjean in the sewers . Harsh on "talks of justice". More heavy breathing before the soliloquy. Also put his gun down and clenches his fist on "take him, valjean"

75) as with stars, inflection was typical so nothing to note. jordan's expressions were EVERYWHEEEERE during the soliloquy and i love it . Eyes bulge and eyebrows up on "flick of his knife", which was delightfully harsh. Almost worried on "vengence was his". Harsh on "debt" in debt of a thief, almost shout on "damned" in damned if i yield. Arms out on "i am the law". Harsh on "valjean" and "or" but sings "Javert". 2nd verse hes CLUTCHING that parapet  which was crazyyyy this man is going mental for SURE. Desperate "to hold dominion" and "it was his right". Growled "can this man". VERY strong "reprieved" by the way, holy shit. Desperate as usual on "and must i now begin to doubt". Points to the sky on "heaven" In is he from heaven or from hell. Yells "killed me" in This man has killed me. Shaky, almost sobbing breaths as he steps onto the bridge. Growls "jean valjean". Additional note, i noticed it looked as if he was muttering to himself a little towards the end before the lights fade to black . Which like , mane fuck of whagever bro

76) Very nice limp on Marius. Weird comment i just liked it. Thank god  post barricade marius limp

77) Quick start on "theres a grief". Small, humourless laugh after "talked of revolution". Held "tomorrow" in Tomorrow never came for a bit longer than usual. He hit that shit on the first crescendo though HOLY moly, what a voice . Harsh on "faces" and "shadows", VERY angry on "don't ask me", and remains harsh on "what your sacrifice was for".

78) He Does wipe his tears! (Cosette entrance). (Bonus note from mossy hi: marius tries to sit down, cosette attempts to help him but he refuses and struggles to continue instead) Also for thst whole scene he was kinda facing away from cosette with a very upset expression which made me ughhhhhh:-((((. Seemed better when he looked back at cosette though YAY

79) valjean kinda hunched as he walks off after the confession. Tiny inconsequential note but i liked it

80) i love watching the ensemble for this scene SO much its so good . Tom hext with his wild hair gelled back is great, obviously And apparently was staring at thenardier's arse for most of it . Generally just a fun watch the whole scene i highly recommend

81) marius pulls thenardier by the shoulder when he tells him to go away lmfao. Also there was a dude in the back clapping when he punched thenardier and is like "whaat?" when nobody else claps with him LMFAO

82) Luke does his usual coy wave @ the lord at the start of beggars at the feast

83) i really recommend looking at everyone dancing offstage at the end of beggars - harry did a little hip wiggle dance . A few do variations of a conga line dance . Djavan"s servant character usually kicks his legs up as he wheels the table offstage . SO much fun (additional nlte: djavan's character in that scene in my top 3 ensemble characters)

84) gentle yet gorgeous climb from milan for the Epilogue . Nods on "Bring. Me. Home" URGHHHHHHH....... AND he rests his face in cosette's hair and doesnt move until "i'll obey". Nods at cosette on "i will try" who nods back. MANE FJCK OFF

85) very cozy hug between valjean and the bishop . Faces in shoulders and everything . AS USUAL HARMONY ATTHE END INSAAAAANE they are, as i wrote on my notebook, nut-busting

[madeofcc]

2023 Top ♥

Tagged by @someone-elsa and @shesthespinstersimmer ♥ Thanks a lot !

I didn't remember doing all that this year !

Thanks a lot to everyone who's been following me through this journey. 2023 was one of the worst year of my life but also one of the best weirdly so let's hope 2024 will be better for everyone ♥

below the cut I'll put the link and explanations for each edit

1/ The Moonlight/Moonwood Tales concept : Based on the lore that came with the werewolves pack, I imagined a story that would explain everything between the werewolves, vampires and spellcasters. I actually prepared a plan for season 1 ... Maybe I'll post it next year ?

2/ The stories I planned for this year but so far, only Melodia is still going. DH3 will start next year sadly and Another Side has been cancelled because of lack of time and a bad computer.

3/ Aïssa in the city : a special photoshoot/lookbook with some items I love and also a small interview including infos about DH2 and 3. It's also a way for me to show more about Aïssa's modeling life. The title is also a reference to the upcoming spin-off about her ...

4/ The DH3 women and the DH3 gang because I want you to love them when the story will start !

5/ The EDGEWAVE fest organised by @aniraklova ♥ It surely was my favourite event this year ! What an awesome idea it was and a lot of people did amazing stuff during 2 weeks ! You saved our summer for sure ! I used Candy Bher as a reference to Another Side and MOON who's a character in DH3 ...

6/ Toxic Don ! A potential new Another Side story I've been thinking about years now ... It would be fun !

7/ The Ghostface DH3 edits : It's a reference to DH3 and Scream of course; the plot will be a tribute to Wes Craven actually !

8/ The Melodia musical video part : it actually was awesome and fun to create but it took me an entire month just for this little video. I decided to stick to a more boring regular way to post this story. I also don't have a lot of readers so far so I guess they will forgive me. I still see it as one of my biggest achievement here though so check it if you can ^^ I love how the episode turns into a musical movie

9/ @windbrook's Slashed Challenge : it was one of my favourite CAS challenge of all time ^^ I'm a huge slasher fan ! It was perfect for simblreen and people created awesome characters and stories !

10/ A makeover of the Three Sages that comes with Realm of Magic : Ana Mae is actually an original OCs, they all should appear in DH4 and 5 ... Morgyn should be very important in DH4 actually ...

11/ URBZ Mag DH3 edition ! Get the girls part here and the boys part there ♥ I love doing fake interviews and mag covers ! Sorry not sorry

12/ Valentines day ♥ My favourite is the one with the Destiny, Leïla and Aïssa because it's funny and feminist, what this trio is together ! They surely had a great night that day, it's also supposed to happen after Melodia so ...

13 / Franck and Madame Sophie : the first drag sims I create ! I wanted one for the Aïssa spin-off so I guess it will be them :)

14/ Recent edits I like : Maria Perron for @birdietrait's coven (I love her and I'd love to make a little story about her) / An other Another Side new idea focused on Venessa Jeong / Destiny's last portrait for the ocs associations

15/ My favourite gif coming from Another Side Episode 1 : I think it's the best ending for this episode as it shows all the plots and times together. Everytime I see it I want to get back to the story ...

Tagging @trippisimmies @badwoohoo @bobnewbie @uwutrait @frzr-bunny @windbrook @eslanes @budgie2budgie @nefarrilou @kashisun @birdietrait @castawavy @agena87 @fangs-trait @peonypyxels @barbieaiden @void-imp @ladybugsimblr @xldkx @nilonne @bakersimmer @whyhellosims @mangosimoothie @djservo @sea-cross @surely-sims @hufflepuff-sim @aniraklova @therichantsim @wolfavens @cinamun @alelelesimz @moontaart @pralinesims @cyberth0t @squea @helloavocadooo @cross-design @rebouks @crazy-lazy-elder-sims and anyone else who'd like to join ♥ feel free to tag me or ignore this as well ^^ (Also, check out these blogs, they're all great !)

[starstruckodysseys]

20 questions for 20 writers !!

thank u to @localdisasterisk for tagging me in this! i honestly do not know how many writers i follow so um. ill tag my pibe fic besties @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @angelwiththeblue-box @fatestitcherr @incorrect-play-it-by-ear and the rest of u can fight amongst yourselves

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

48. i don’t know if its more concerning that almost half of them are from the past five months or that almost half are play it by ear. its the same almost half but still

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

143,389. woof

3. what fandoms do you write for?

obviously play it by ear. everyone knows that. also d20 occasionally and project sekai. unfortunately

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

toya and mizuki’s step by step guide to romancing a shinonome — i will be so real with you guys i specifically crafted this one to be popular. and then i fell in love with it along the way. but it did start as a science experiment

let me take you with me (just like this) — WHY. this is my second pjsekai fic and my fourth fic ever posted. it’s not at all reflective of my current style. help

kiss it better — yeah. same issue as the other one. this one’s better though lmao

say you miss me (say you want to kiss me) — honestly? just impressed a honakana fic made it up this high. love my girlies

the moon is crumbling (but that’s okay) — yeah everyone pretend to be surprised the ruikasa fic got this high up. it was a new concept for me, though, so i’m pretty proud of that

5. do you respond to comments?

i used to, but not really anymore unfortunately. to be fair, i will point you all to the fact that most of my recent fics are pibe, and then to the discord where we all scream about them together

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t usually. write sad endings. bc i don’t like them. okay that’s not true i just usually don’t. i guess the moon is crumbling?? if i had to choose?? it’s more bittersweet than anything, but people did say they cried, so…

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99.9% of my fics are getting together fics. it’s just the same ending a million different ways. you tell me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not publicly!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i would simply be too powerful if i could. this is for your safety actually

10. do you write crossovers?

in the sense of characters across universes/media interacting? no. in the sense of “i am going to put my blorbos in every single other setting i slightly enjoy”? absolutely. putting them under a microscope. researching and recording how they react to their surroundings

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i simply do not think there is a demand for my fics in other languages. not in like a depressing way, it’s just that i’m writing for like five people including myself, so. yknow

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but if someone wanted to… 👀

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ve never written for them (yet, at least), but by sheer volume and span of time i have to say souyo persona4. my silly boys. i’ve never scoured the entire tag for a ship multiple times on ao3 like i have for them. i have so many thoughts about them that have never seen the light of day but they exist!!

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares awkwardly at feed your anger like fire… i’ve tried!! but it turns out that sometimes you get stuck on clothing designs and stop writing and then lose passion for the project and then stop updating for three years because you were too ambitious and also you hate your old writing style. not that i would know anything about that

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m really good at dialogue, or at least banter. unfortunately this makes me very judgmental but that’s not important. also i can create a vibe well i’ve been told

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

in general? i SUCK at character description, or at least knowing where and when to place it. i also always worry about characterization and if my characters sound too similar

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i used to read so many fics that centered around using another language (shoutout bmc fandom when i was. in that. a dark period of my life, but alas) and honestly if it’s done well i think it’s cool!! i’m not going to get into the intricacies of bilingualism on account of being an english only speaker but it is rad to me

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wrote for? probably warriors. yes the cats. i had a whole fanfic for my oc. shoutout to… honestly i don’t remember her name but she was a real one! wrote for and posted is another story, by which i mean i don’t remember At All. probably bandori tbh, bc i don’t remember if i posted fanfic on my wattpad

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

either the venn diagram of curses and crushes (which is still my favorite fic title ever) or soaking in the glory. one of them is a 3k word expedition into the play it by ear canon space and the other is a 7k word fever dream i went into a fugue state to write in two days. honorable mention to the like the sweetest cup of chai series which i hold so close to my heart. silliest besties of all time

[exoticalmonde]

The Evealia Guide Through Babel (event) - Part I

Wow, who would've ever thought that I have more enthusiasm to talk about the Babel event and that, which has to do with the Sarkaz race, than I do with literally anything else.

I have 0 excuses. So I shall provide none.

This is the personalized (read: for me) guide through the Babel event in Arknights, with a provided story explanation/synopsis and a run-down on the event characters/media.

Gorgeous medals by the way, there's something within me that screams and years for them. Maybe it's because I've been playing this game for two, running towards three years and I'm attached to the Sarkaz. I'm attached to Theresa and Babel and can't wait to see how this event could possibly change my opinion of Theresis and Manfred.

(Warning: The following post will contain spoilers for the event, as well as commentary on my experience. Thank you for reading.)

With all that said, I think I'm going to go through the characters first. We're happy to welcome four new Operators who would happily join Rhodes Island: Lutonada, Odda, Aroma and Ascalon.

Only one of them we already know about from the Main Theme Chapter 13; Only two of them will be relevant to the story.

So let's start with the one we won't be mentioning ever again - Lutonada.

A new 4-star juggernaut defender from Bolivar. You can see her unique in that she is the first 4-star character of this class. Alongside her are Mudrock, Penance and Vulcan. To be fair, it's a spicy- I meant, it's a pricy class, with most of the characters costing over 30DP to deploy; making it tricky to use early if you don't have at least two flag Vanguards and difficult to leave alone if they're not Mudrock.

Juggernauts are special also with their inability to be healed, making it detrimental for them to have their own type of healing in their kit. Lutonada heals when an enemy she is blocking dies. That makes her S2 the most important skill, because according to the numbers - it charges pretty fast and its mechanic is basically: >Pull enemy towards self via magnets >Block >???? >Heal Pretty easy to use and I, as a fan of Empowered Attacks, love her S1 because those sweet, sweet 230% damage on an attack for every 3 seconds on her M3 sound very nice.

Should you build her? Personally, the downside to her is that as a 4-star she has significantly less HP than Penance and Mudrock, but you can practically ignore the 200HP difference between her and Vulcan. The same can be said about their attack and defence (ALL of this at E2).

Dr. Eve will always support your simple, carnal desires above all else. You want her? Did you pull her? Then build her. To bypass the Juggernaut's inability to be healed, you can always snatch either a Perfumer, Angelina (E2 perk), Suzuran (S3), or Blemishine (S2) who all have passive healing on all allies under some conditions, or you can use a Bard supporter like Heidi, Skalter and Sora.

Her Module is kind of... Eh? For all the cost you throw, she recovers 20% HP when an enemy blocked by her dies. It does sound like a lot, but I'm not sure if it means exactly what I think it does. I wanted her but didn't get her. Hope the little ratscal joins my ship eventually.

NB: Forgot to mention - her push force is 0 for her S2 and so far it doesn't seem to change with Masteries. Keep that in mind.

---

Next up we have Aroma, this is our new 5-star Blast Caster - on the same road as Corroserum and Ifrit.

The difference between her utility and Corroserum's (I won't talk about Ifrit, because she is practically the best, most aggressive Blast Caster you can find) is within the effects of their abilities. Numbers aren't really that important here, because they're both 5-stars.

What is important to note is that while Corroserum's S1 is practically unwanted because of his 10s stun duration, his S2 is helpful because it silences the enemies for 5 seconds max at M3.

Meanwhile, Aroma deals extra ARTS damage on her S1 + she deals additional damage to AERIAL targets. It's pretty helpful but practically feels useless, because rare are the times we have aerial targets line up perfectly and for long enough to fit inside her range. Unless she is used to taking down aerial targets when they float.

Her S2 just does additional damage to enemies who have been Levitated - props to her talent. The other people who levitate so far are Chongyue, Irene, Ho'olheyak, Quanipalaat and Odda.

I... am... Not sure if her Module expands her range like the other Blast Casters'? But it sounds like it should, it would be unfair otherwise. I'm leaving it for you to decide if you want this, but it's surprisingly easy to build material-wise.

---

Which brings us to our second before last Operator, the free character in the Event whom you can get with just 40% of all the currency you'll be getting. It's a long story.

First in many things, Odda is an unseen before Earthshaker Guard. That role is kind of like Dreadnought guards, but they can block two enemies from the get-go and they do an AOE attack each basic attack.

Him, I actually got all the tickets to and dropped Ash to build. He has an empowered attack for his S1 which ends up at a chargetime of whooping 2 seconds!!! It extends the splash area as well with .5 tiles, so... He does damage of 1.5 tiles additionally.

Unlike Lutonada, Odda's S2 has Levitate with a weight of 3 or less for 0.5 seconds on each splash attack.

He doesn't have any Modules so far, but I personally have gotten attached to him through the story. I want to mention that unlike what I've noticed, his story says he is a Messenger from Kazdel. I thought it was interesting this bean with a gargantuan hammer is intended to... run around as fast as he can.

---

And finally, I almost forgot, we have Ascalon - our very dedicated Ambusher Specialist. At least that's what is said about her, but I heard that practically even Ethan is better in certain aspects.

I didn't like Ascalon when we first met her, even though her design was amazing.

Passively, her talent slows the Movement Speed of enemies and they take Ascalon's ATK as ARTS damage per second for 18/25 seconds (E1/E2). In her E2 she gets more ASPD and gains even more (wow, 8+6) if there is high ground in the 4 adjacent tiles.

Looks like this is the patch for enhanced attacks because Ascalon does 210% additional damage to an enemy, attacking twice and stores up to 3 charges in her M3 for S1.

Her S2 gives her +130% ATK, slows enemies by 60% if they are on the ground and in attack range and inflicts her T1 (the poison-esque damage) on nearby enemies when defeated. The radius of this 'nearby' means 1.3 tiles away. And it's specified that the MS reduction works on Aerial targets too, but the Talent effect is applied only to ground units.

Finally, to top it off, her range expands and she attacks faster and reduces the Physical and Arts hit rate of ground enemy units by 50%. She's more likely to be targeted by enemies, but recovers 8% MAX HP when she manages to dodge.

Her S1 gets increased, that's all.

---

Right. Everybody should be on the list. Now, to my favourite part of events - watching the YT videos that are meant to introduce the event for us.

First came the Official Babel Trailer.

Here is a script I very painstakingly made of everything written on the screen, because I'm unfortunately not that fast of a reader. During my scripting, I also noticed that the last line... is almost impossible to notice because the screen cracks and glitches when it shows up. I didn't notice it the first two times I watched it for my own pleasure.

[Theresa, you've forged an irreversible "fate".] [Swords and spears sharpen in fear of your bloodkin.] [You believe our differences will eventually be put aside,] [That the tribes will ultimately unite.] [Theresa, I've seen it... your wish.] [A sea of stars shining at the end of savagery,] [A new path emerging from the storm.] [But every path has an end, Theresa.] [When you surpass the limits of civilization,] [No one will be able to comprehend your love...] [They will loathe you...] [They will fear you...] [Until hate transforms the land into ruin.] [Until blood washes the memories away.] [But we do not struggle on our own, do we?] [Words of hope are engraved on wreckage.] [...You have brought us ample delights.] [So, don't let go of my hands.] [Let's see for ourselves, together.] [Watch life awaken from despair...] [I want you to believe,] [We can still stand together,] [in the sea of flowers, listening...] [To the voices of the universe...]

---

As a side note, Twitter provides another just slightly edited video of the new characters which I like to include for the fullness of the list. You can watch it Here, since I can't find it on YT.

---

Finally, here is the Arknights Animation PV for Babel.

Dying. And crying. Screaming. You can see baby Amiya. You see baby Ascalon, Manfred, Theresa... Little Logos, ilovehim. His terrible haircut, his pointy ears, the cutiest that has ever patootied, I was screeching worse than any Banshee you could ever hear when I saw him.

The speaker I'm pretty sure is Kal'tsit and the important information is provided in the video description itself:

[To advance from present to future, You first settle the past.] [Arknights: Babel] [Your Highness... I swear to you]

I remember when I saw it my first thought was: Oh my god are we seeing somebody having a father??? But then I think I got swept away seeing Manfred being tied to a pole with Theresis and Theresa being the best adoptive parents that could exist.

Also, Savage jumpscare.

Also also,

Genuinely me.

---

Last on the list for today is the furniture set: 'Scar Market Memories' A room modeled after the Scar Market based on the Sarkaz mercenaries' descriptions. The market was known for its disorder and disarray. Its visual appearance was established by a Cyclops who had been in charge for several decades.

I really like this one, it fits so well with Hoederer's furniture pack because they're both very... Sarkaz. By Sarkaz, I mean that they look like a hole you could've dug up to live in. Kind of cosy, kind of sad. Like anything Sarkaz we're about to learn.

---

This is what it looks like on the ship without the Minecraft shaders. Now let's just go through some of them and see the more interesting tidbits of information we have about the Sarkaz lifestyle.

Surely, a piece of furniture can't have any sort of angst about it. I mean, come on, it's just a room.

Downward Facing Branches

A withered thick tree branch, severed to a third of its original length. "We hang a dead tree branch above our heads to remind every Sarkaz: Death is gazing upon you."

...

...

...

What the absolute hell.

---

Long Twig

It's.... It's just a long twig.

Please.

A withered, thick tree branch, severed to a third of its original length. It is a symbol that stands in for the dead. The corpse of the tree is twisted and haggard, just like our fallen comrades in their final moments.

---

Witchcraft Workbench

A metal table full of scratches and marks, with a basket holding strange tools hanging underneath. All astute mercenaries know that they should never ask about the tools' real purpose.

God damn it.

---

Oddities Showcase

Oh, yeah, I love oddities showcases, I've seen people make miniature showcases of like... things they... like...

A collection of cheap objects brought back from all across Terra is put on display here. The "oddities" in the name refers not to the trinkets, but to the mercenaries who managed to bring them here without dying.

---

"Work and Life"

A storage rack with some daily necessities, a few wanted posters, and quite a few ID tags. Note: The ID tags are just decorations. No Sarkaz mercenaries were harmed in the making of this collection.

You're funny, you're so very funny I am clapping my thighs with amusement you freak--- *Gets dragged away by Hoederer for a 10-minute break*

---

Hoederer: "Doctor..." Me: "I don't want to read anymore..." Hoederer: "Doctor, please, you've been stalling for so long. You have to at least finish this part." Me: "Can we just please do anything else, I am going to die if I have to read another furniture set that talks about how each and every Sarkaz dies like a mayfly unnoticed and illiterate until somebody who probably minutely knew about them notices they've been gone four months past when they were meant to return-" Hoederer: "They do." Me: "... I'm sorry. I'm going back to work."

---

Steel Rail Lights

Hanging from the dark ceiling light are a cloth, a teapot, and some wine glasses; also some books. "I just put whatever on top since it's convenient. Just like how I put my life on the line for coin. Because money is convenient."

---

Messy Wine Cabinet

A messy storage shelf with wineglasses and a bottle of wine of unknown origin. Strong liquor distilled from grains is the mercs' favorite. It's cheap, strong, and "kills instantly."

---

Charcoal Oven

The charcoal fire burns slowly and projects a dark red color on the oven. To prevent indoor carbon monoxide poisoning, the "fire" here is actually a number of lights with different colors.

Are you saying.... Are you saying that they...

Okay, I think we're done here, nothing more interesting to see from the furniture set. Everything is terrible and all died, some mercenaries have artistic vision while others sleep on metal mats and other trash they put together.

I can't believe I called any of this cosy before reading their descriptions.

---

I also want to give props to all of you, each comment is such a banger I've been laughing at them separately and together for ten minutes now.

[stestir]

Heres my rant about Amethio age discussion and why I think the age range excuse is stupid. I should probably keep this out of the main tag, but I'm tired, sick, and angry, so idc.

Big really angry rant under the line.

So please can anyone explain to me why everyone thought that VAs comment about Amethio being a teen means hes between 13-19 and also 100% CAN be a 19 years old?

Cause English says that a teen is between 13 and 19? Well we all know that English has a lot of stupid stuff in it, so doesnt really count. Plus, quick reminder, this is anime. Japan. The meaning behind teenager could be very different here.

The difference between 13 and 19 years old is so contrast that giving Amethio this range in the first place is moronic. A 13 years old still needs to ask their daddy to go out with their friends. 19 years old already expected to pay taxes, move out of the house, is probably already on a antidepressants.

And the thing is, Amethio doesnt even act like a 19 years old! He acts like a 14 years old emo that tries his very best to look serious and is desperate for attention.

The whole his beef with Friede is a big ass example of this, that Anime just shoves into your face! Amethio becames irrated immediately after Friede stops giving attention to him, everything in his actions screams "Take me seriously!" He wants to be seen as a professional serious trainer by someone who has authority [ Friede ] and is hurt when it doesnt happen. Its literally how neglected children act.

Also the whole excuse with "B-but hes working with Explorers and has his own subordinates that he commands" GUESS WHO ALSO A MINOR BUT IS A BOSS OF A SHIP? ZUKO. The literal icon of redemption arcs. He also was casted away in the age of 13 and had a whole small army under his command. Does that make him an adult? NO. Both Amethio and Zuko are clearly special, thats why they both are forced into a weapon by their respective parential abusers [ Ozai / Gibeon ], and given some special privileges to make it seem that thse abusers love them, when in fact they are just using them.

He doesnt look like a 19 years old either! His body type barely resembles one of Friede or Spinel, both being a clear cut adults. And before someone says "Well I think that Friede looks 20 and that Amethio is just a really twigy guy" no hes bloody not! Reminder, this is pokemon, we have Lusamine and Cyrus that look like 20 and 40, but actually the opposite. And the thing is, Amethio closely resembles Silver with his body! Whos, yk, A CANONICAL 13 YEARS OLD.

What is more hysterical to me is when the Interviews AND Anime itself start to make parallels between Amethio and the kid Trio, whos, yk, OBVIOUSLY KIDS. Like- in both interviews before the big arcs the boy was compared to Liko & Roy [ And Dot, by extension. ] Amethio was literally called a kid alongside the kid Trio, [ One of the kids that still havent found their dream ] which not only makes him a minor, but also puts him the same age group with Liko, Roy and Dot!

And Anime situation is even more comedic. Khem khem. Literally an episode that got out not so long ago, 44. Amethio is called a spoiled brat by Sango [ Which already makes him a kid, but alas ]. Guess who was also called a spoiled kid? LIKO. BY MOLLIE IN THE ABROLIVA EPISODE. Liko, whos canonically we seen as a child child in the episode 18, was called the same thing as Amethio. I get that Anime tries to make parallels between them in general, but that doesnt matter to me now. The most important thing is - they are both viewed as a kids. Yk. MINORS.

Ending this, I'll say - Amethio is a barely 14, maybe at maximum 15, and he is sure is not a 19 years old. I'm sure hes in the same age bracket as Liko, Roy and Dot.

Also AmeFriede is the worst ship that deserves its own place in hell, alongside AmeSpinel. I hate both of these. They are bad from all perspectives.

[ Also, this is the angriest I felt lately, so I wont probably post any other rants like that. This is just me being beaten down by flu and projecting my anger towards this shitty and stupid "discussion". ]

[erikiara80]

Will and Jonathan

To celebrate Will’s birthday, long post dedicated to my favorite brothers and their beautiful bond.

Season 1

The most terrifying week of Jonathan’s life. First, he thought that if he had been at home, nothing bad would’ve happened to Will. Then, if you think about it, he is the only one who thought for at least two days that Will really died. His worst nightmare. He failed to protect his little brother.

But he’s always there for Will. And if he had been there that night too, the Demogorgon would’ve killed him and taken Will anyway. And Will would’ve have been lost.

When Will is sad, Jonathan can always make him smile and feel better: 

I have a brother, eight years younger than me. We are very close. I basically raised him. You know, single mom (divorced parents when I was 13 and my brother was 5), night shifts. And we were also poor. 

I relate to the Byers so much. In my family, I am Jonathan. It’s so painful to imagine what he felt when Hopper told him that they had lost Will

When he saw Will’s small body on that table

Season 1 is a roller coaster of emotions. But they all love Will too much. And their love saved him. This is one of the most precious moments in the whole show, imo. I love it so much.

Jonathan is so emotional. He holds Will’s hand as if he wants to be sure that Will won’t go away again. Also, wonderful performance from Charlie. I can feel all Jonathan’s love, happiness and relief

Season 2

Another big season for the Byers brothers. And another time Jonathan risked to lose Will. The crazy thing is that this time Will is there but something is trying to erase everything he is. Another nightmare (army of monsters aside, lol)

Once again, the season starts with Jonathan taking care of his family (I really hope tho that at the end of the story, he can finally live his life and find his happiness, knowing that his family is safe. It’s so unfair -Lonnie’s fault- that he has all those responsibilties at such young age)

Fortunately, he also has Nancy. He’s starting to find something for himself. Problem is, Henry doesn’t care. So, the moment Jon leaves town... oops, Will gets possessed. No wonder he thinks he can’t leave him and his mom. 

But before that, we get another beautiful moment where Jonathan encourauges Will to be himself and be proud of it (Jonathan is just a wonderful person, ok?)

Will is so upset about everything. He knows nobody can understand how he feels. At first he doesn’t even want to talk with Jonathan.

But Jonathan knows him so well and always knows what to say. Being a freak is actually the best. Normal people never accomplish anything important in this world. 

And then this. So sweet. Aaaand we also have little shit Will, who always reminds his siblings that they are friendless, lol. I love him

And of course, Will smiles again

Then, sorry Jonathan. The real nightmare begins. I love S2, because there’s so much love for Will in every scene. From Mike, Joyce, Jonathan. What an amazing season! I’m so happy that S5 will include big S2 ideas but also have S1 vibe. The two seasons where Will and the love people have for him are central.

The last episodes are incredible. I just love everything.

The shed scene is absolutely one of my favorite scenes of the show, and imo, one of the best. Stellar acting, perfect shots, amazing dialogue, and oh, the emotions. It’s simply perfect. And different from what we usually see in Stranger Things.

They love him so much

But then this moment kills me every time. Jonathan is desperate. He can’t hear Will screaming and being in such pain without helping him. I’m glad Nancy was there. In fact, a few minutes later, he tries to help Will, but it was a mistake. 

Jonathan couldn’t think anymore. He was sure Will was dying. He had to save him. But Nancy, as always, helped (yeah, she hurt Will, but it was the only way) This scene!

And then, he got his brother back

Season 3

There aren’t as many scenes as in the previous seasons, but the love between them is always there. 

Always protective

And even when he doesn’t say anything, Jonathan always see his brother’s pain, like Charlie said.

Season 4 

Both brothers are struggling a lot now. They’re older and for a while they probably thought they weren’t as close as they used to be. And that hurt and must have felt so strange. Jonathan is almost adult now. He feels all the weight of his responsibilities. He feels like living his life means abandoning his family. So he’s stuck. So glad he has Argyle!

And Will is dealing with feeling different, his feelings for Mike and the fear that he will never be happy. He’ll never find love. It doesn’t help that for the first time he doesn’t feel his brother’s support. Jonathan seems different and distant. Maybe Will, who’s more aware of his sexuality now, even believes that it’s his fault if his brother doesn’t spend much time with him anymore. 

That’s heartbreaking.

But of course it’s not true, it will never be true. Jonathan never stops caring, or being protective. No matter what.

Oh, and this moment. This moment...

This is the season where both Will and Jonathan have much less scenes than in any other season, and yet S4 is where they share probably their most emotional and beautiful moment. This is the only scene in the show, along with when they find Will’s fake body in the quarry, that made me cry.

It’s so beautiful. Many people criticize it and say it wasn’t clear enough. That the writers were cowards. But I think it’s the opposite. It’s so delicate. And so in character. Jonathan was so sweet. 

He didn’t push Will, because he didn’t know if Will was ready. He knows Will is afraid of losing the people he loves, that they won’t accept him. So he didn’t explicitly say that he knows. He just let his little brother know that he will always love him. That he will always be there. He made Will understand that he is important and special to him, and he will always be. 

And NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will ever change that.

And Will’s little smile and tears when he hears those words. Jonathan hasn’t forgotten about him. He wasn’t distant because he knows and doesn’t approve.

He’s just dealing with his own problems. And I love, love that here Will also wants to reassure Jonathan that he will always be there for him too.

This has never happened in other seasons. It was always Jonathan the one who offered support. And it makes me hope that in S5, the season of Will’s coming of age, he too will reassure and protect Jonathan, and tell him that he deserves happiness. 

Jonathan’s always been there for Will, and I’m sure he will do everything to protect him again in S5. But Will will protect his brother (and mom) too. Jonathan will see him become confident and find love with Mike. He’ll see his mom with Hopper, and El happy too. And he’ll finally know that he can live his life and that his family is safe and happy.

[biolizardboils]

Hey again.

I was saving this for when I'd wrapped some other stuff up, but it's taking too long. I'm just gonna say it while the words are fresh in my head.

The two-month break I've been on? I think I'm gonna stay on it. As in, stay logged off except on special occasions.

There's still things I want to finish here. I will answer what's left at @ask-the-all-consuming-void and bring it to a proper ending; The Secret Thing it was gonna segue into will go up, even if only as sketches and drafts; And there's another project I'm still helping with behind the scenes. But aside from those… I want to maintain my internet presence a lot less.

I've learned a lot about myself since I left: most importantly the hyper-empathy, compassion fatigue thing, and that being terminally online probably does more harm than help. There's trying to be a good, vigilant person, and then there's overwhelming oneself about things they can't control, with info that isn't always accurate. I've been doing the latter in different ways for years; late April/early May was a big wake-up call. Lesson learned: I've got to find balance, and I won't find it here.

The second-most important thing I learned is that… the reason I "joined" the internet in the first place? It's pretty much been fulfilled. Has been for a few years now, actually.

I made this tumblr in 2015, but I got my real start on deviantART and WordPress in 2011. Don't expect links; what people post in their preteens can stay between them and God lol. But I'll tell you what got me to make accounts: my confusion as a new Sonic fan. The way people talked about them, the way they talked to each other… it hurt to see.

I got it in my preteen head to set a better example. To not let my love for something become disdain for others of its kind. To explain instead of assume. And to assure anyone who'd listen that it's not shameful to like Sonic, that those who do deserve better, and that they could still have it better someday.

And now, 13 years later… we do. The hurtful stuff I saw back then is nearly gone now. When it does pop up, it's easier to counteract than ever. People realize how silly and petty and wrong it was, and can call it out accordingly. People can live a little truer to themselves, now that that shit isn't everywhere anymore.

I think that, specifically, is all I really wanted. Everything else—the reinvigoration of the characters and their world, the downpour in avenues once closed off by "cringe" and "not enough interest"—have been wonderful byproducts. I've been gassing up Sonic Movie 3 as the final step, but it's really more of a victory lap.

After realizing that, I just… don't feel the need to post so much here anymore. My self-worth and sense of morality shouldn't rely on what I do or don't type. I don't need to document every thought or choice I make and why.

The cause I've performed for since middle school no longer needs my time and energy, if it ever even did. I can just enjoy things in relative silence, and spend myself in other ways. Ways I've taken too long to get around.

Sonic Unleashed is what set me down this path. I watched it go from rejected at launch, to just divisive, to respected and beloved. I still wonder if, had it gotten a fairer chance, the current Sonic renaissance could've happened sooner.

But dwelling on that won't change anything. I'd rather dwell on how, this year, I got to scream Endless Possibility with hundreds of other people, loudly and proudly. No fear of who's watching, no need to self-sabotage. It meant the world to me.

There was a con in my area on June 23rd. I wasn't planning on doing anything that day until I heard about it. There was someone in attendance who helped me put a symbolic bow on this part of my life.

I think he did a wonderful job :)

I have one last thing to say before I go. That'll be its own post, so I can put it in the public Sonic tags.

Again, the stuff I've left hanging here will get finished eventually. But for now, this is goodbye.

Moots, followers: thank you so much. I will quite literally remember you all in therapy.

--BiolizardBoils

[rockbottomwithashovel]

Tw suicide

Hey guys. I'm just posting this to say why... And to say I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, I suck at goodbyes. I just don't think I can do this anymore. It's like the universe is giving me more reasons to die each day.

I never wanted it to be this way. I started to think I could actually recover, live a long and happy life. But that moment was so short. I just can't do it.

I haven't been able to be happy for more than a minute since I was 10. I was just a child, and I had already gone through so much. But it was only just starting.

When I was 7 or 8 I was sexually assaulted. It was around this time that I started to more or less live on pot noodles as I wasn't allowed to make anything, but my mum mentally couldn't either.

When I was 10-13 I was emotionally and mentally abused. I was bullied for years, they made me do things and if I didn't I'd be the one with the bruise. The guilt eats me every day. There are rooms and memories from that time and school that don't make sense and I can't remember. I don't know why. The bullying even came from teachers. This was a private Christian school.

From when I was 10 I had to spend most excursions at home as we nearly lost the house, and I had to miss days of school to stay home and look after my mum, who was suffering from depression and needed support. This was when the household chores all fell on to me and my twin.

When I was 13 my mum tested me against my consent for aspergers syndrome (now called ASD). It came back positive. She told me when I didn't want to know. This caused a chaotic and unstable household. I was suffering ptsd that I didn't understand. My parents made me feel crazy. I was running away and coming back, missing school, not sleeping. Asking for affection but only getting attention if I was a problem. There was so much screaming and fighting and I was all alone, no friends, no family helping me through, even my twin was against me.

When I was 15 I told my best friend of 10 years that I have ASD. She never spoke to me since.

When I was 16 I was groomed by a man online, leading to me seeking out more aggressive and manipulative people online to make me feel good about myself. The shame lasted longer than anything else. Then the pandemic hit. My friend tried to kill herself. She left most people notes... Not me. She doesn't really speak to me now. I don't know what I did wrong.

By 18, I had tried to kill myself more times than I could count, never getting far (I was only 13 when I first attempted).But things started to look up. I had survived school.

Now, at 19, I've been to aa, the mental ward twice in one year for suicide attempts, I have depression, anxiety, ptsd, insomnia, atypical anorexia, suicidal thoughts, I self harm so much I could never wear short sleeves again. And I'm having psychotic episodes. I don't know what it is, I'm scared to be diagnosed, but my therapist has suggested a few things. As someone (if you've looked closely at my blog, you'll know who) once said, it's a living, breathing nightmare.

Maybe I am a coward. Maybe it's just too much and I'm too weak. But it hurts so much or I can't feel at all. I can't keep doing this.

People say they love me, that I'm important or they'd miss me. But I just don't know if I can believe that. People call me pretty but the mirror makes me want to hurt myself. I'm ugly. Unlovable. I'm just a burden and a waste of space. I'm so sorry if I am important to you. I don't want to traumatize anyone or hurt anyone but this just hurts so fucking much I don't know how much longer I can be strong. Maybe I'm just not meant for this.

I need you all to know I love you. You mean so much to me. I'm so fucking sorry if I hurt you. I'm so sorry. If you're struggling, please get help. You deserve happiness, hope, love. I believe in you. It will get better. If you see someone struggling, please look after them, even just a stranger on the train with leaking eyeliner. Just ask if they're OK. You could save their life.

I've got pierce the veil on the 27th. I'll do it after that. I'm not sure if I can hold on that long though. I'm so sorry for any pain I'm causing. I hope you're all OK <333

Love,

Rock

[pragmatic-optimist]

I JUST NOW NOTICED THAT ONE OF THE GIFS IN YOUR HEADER IS OF BETTY SUAREZ FROM THE FINAL SCENE OF UGLY BETTY!!!!!!!!!! *insert screaming cat and Kermit heart images here*

Betty is so special and important to me!! She's one of my most favorite characters ever and I love how 13 years after the series finale, she hasn't been forgotten about. 🥺🥹😭🤧💗💓💞

OMG! It makes my heart so happy to hear that you are also an Ugly Betty fan! What are some of your favorite episodes/moments? 👀

I adore Betty Suarez & Co. I do a series rewatch every year, it’s my favorite comfort show. It was canceled prematurely, and I'm still waiting for my Ugly Betty reunion movie.

I've been a huge fan of America Ferrera since "Real Women Have Curves," but Betty Suarez is my ultimate favorite of her roles. Like you, Betty is just so special to me. I'm always telling people to watch the show (many mutuals on Tumblr will attest to this 😂). I talk about the show so much you'd think it was still airing. I started a new job five months ago, and just last week, I was having lunch with one of my new colleagues, and she saw my Ugly Betty Pop figure on my desk (I commissioned it, and it's one of the best gifts I've ever given myself tbh). When she saw it, we spent half of our lunch discussing our favorite scenes. Ugly Betty is essentially my friendship litmus test lol.

Betty is my favorite fictional character of all time, no contest. But I also want to shout out the ensemble because WOW. The entire cast was incredible and hilarious. The show was a true dramedy; I was often in tears, either from laughter or an emotional storyline. Judith Light AND Vanessa Williams? ICONS. Michael Urie and Becki Newton? What a DYNAMIC DUO. Ana Ortiz and Mark Indelicato? PERFECTION. Eric Mabius? The TALENT. Daniel could have easily been such a vacuous character, but Eric gave him a depth that surprised me. Plus, his chemistry with America?? EPIC. I loved Betty and Daniel so much (shout out to the bridge scene in 1x13!).

I often wonder how unhinged I would have been if Tumblr had existed when the show was airing. My enthusiasm over your ask indicates that I would have been absolutely bonkers and loved every minute of it. 😆

If you're interested, this is my favorite Detty fanvid edit and my favorite Detty article. I loved their friendship through season 3 and didn't ship them romantically until about season 4. While watching the ATX reunion panel in 2016, I realized that Eric was also Team Detty, and I so wish we could have seen what happened next!

Anywho, I've rambled enough lol. Thank you so much for giving me a reason to shout about my all-time favorite character/show!! 😁💜