munachiabii-blog

[munachiabii-blog]

Long ago, when I was much younger.when ever anyone asked me what I was good at I’d often reply, “ well I’m good with my hands” . I never quite knew what exactly I was good at. But what i did know, was that when ever I called on my hands, they never let me down. However, as I got older, I forgot my hands. You might say I got lost in the source. I looked at everything but my hands. I became anxious, afraid, insecure, lost. I forgot that back then, all I did was allow my hands do what they do best. I didn’t think about it, I just let it rove and do or touch or write or paint or sew or steer whatever it felt like. All I had to do was sit back and marvel at its creation. How did I go from that, to wanting to control whatever it did ?

[munachiabii-blog]

What does joy mean to you? To me, it's the little things. The smell of freshly cut grass on a cool cloudy day. The scent spicy stir fry chicken and vegetables & fried sweet potatoes. The boogie down on Michael Jackson's 'wanna be starting something ', sushi ☺️👌. my dogs , running around the estate playing tag. the scene of rush hour 3 , where Chris tucker was looking for a guy named hu & hu was mi and mi was yu & & 😂 I forget the rest, but it gets me in stitches every time. My mother, mimicking the sound of my laughter which makes me laugh even harder 😂. Tickles from the Mr 😉. Now I'm a tough one to tickle, but when I'm in a tight grip and the tickles rain down, it's tears , farts and laughter galore . What's not to love? To think that Just yesterday, I felt like I was living in hell. A self inflicted hell. I forgot that I had heaven all around me yeah yeah 🎶 , I've got love all around me yeah yeah 🎶 .... Muna💋

[munachiabii-blog]

I sat down with Young.K today to have a talk. This would be the thousandth time we’ve done this. The “ I swear we have really got to start”, the “ let’s set a time frame and execute”, the “I can’t believe we are still here” talk. Every time feels different but this time, it feels different, simple and a little scary. “This time”, we said, “if we don’t do it, we never really wanted to do it”. 
That scared me a bit. 
The thought of a reality where I ultimately “didn’t want to do it” , frightened, irked , disturbed me. 
For how could I not ‘want to do it’? 
I’ve fought for this all my life to “not want to do it”. 
I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to be listened to, I wanted to be adored, I wanted to be respected, I wanted to have everything I wanted, damn it, I want what I want. I want music … 
LIFE … 
Life has shown me, that I have received everything I have wanted. I’ve watched things manifest, I have met people I only dreamt about, and imagined the possibility ( or the lack there of) of meeting them, and I won a beauty pageant. At this point, I should be able to have everything I want right? Right… and Wrong. 
There are many labels for people who want what they want. Where I come from, you get fed the resistance from a tender age. 
DONT BE A SPOILT BRAT 
SOME OF US WERE NOT BORN WITH SILVER SPOONS
DONT BE GREEDY 
DONT WASTE FOOD 
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT 
IF I HEAR PIM … 
it’s endless. 
As an adult, I wouldn’t say these words to myself, in fact they have become {THAT WHICH SHALL NOT BE NAMED} in my mind, but I think it. 
How can it be that I can get anything I want,( mostly, but I still run into financial issues here and there) but when it comes to music, I freeze, shoot myself in the foot and scream BLOODY MURDER! 
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 
HELL… that’s what it is. 
I put myself in my own hell. I pronounce judgement on myself, by myself, for myself. 
This is insane, and I don’t wanna live like this anymore. How can I have the world and not have the one thing that is me? What good is it for a man to gain the world and lose his soul (I guess that's what he meant) . i judged myself. So I kept quiet , so you wouldn't hear "pim" And what was the intention of this sentence? Self preservation . I THOUGHT WRONG. How may I free myself from this sentence? EXECUTION... Execute the mute, free the Phoenix.