#12-22

[csacskamacskamocska]

Összejövetelek

Annyi ellentmondás van bennem a társasági eseményekkel kapcsolatban, hogy az biztos elég lenne egy pszichológiai tanulmányra. Mondjam az igazságot? Ha a legeslegeslegmélyebb vágyamra lenne bárki kiváncsi, akkor az az lenne, hogy legyek a pasimmal, csináljunk valami kaját amivel aztán nem kell babrálni, csak rájárni, társasjátékozzunk, igyunk, röhögjünk nagyokat, ha van kedvünk, sétáljunk egyet a megbolondult városban, legyünk együtt. Ha van kedvünk és meg vagyunk hívva, akkor mehetünk bárhova azzal a kitétellel, hogy nem muszáj ottmaradni, bármikor hazatérhetünk, hogy a fentiekkel folytassuk az estét. Szerintem amúgy ezt bármelyik este meg lehet csinálni, nem kötődik a szilveszterhez. Vagy utazzunk el nagyon máshova megnézni, hogy máshol milyen a szilveszter. A lényege az, hogy nekem ezerszer jobb, komfortosabb egy együtt töltött nap vagy este, mint bármilyen társasági esemény. Az együtt töltött az együtt töltött, és nem egymás mellett, hogy mindketten a tumblit tologatjuk és más emberekkel beszélgetünk... :( Vagyis, akár még ez is lehet, ha közben egymás mellett ülünk és arról beszélünk, hogy ki mit olvas éppen és ki miért fasz :D és közben iszunk, röhögünk és valójában együtt vagyunk és belekeverjük bármikor a fentieket.

Utálom a mindenféle összejöveteleket amikre meghívnak. Nem akarok idegenekkel beszélgetni, mert 100-ból egy, aki felkelti az érdeklődésemet, viszont a legtöbb ember csak beszél és beszél, a nélkül, hogy megkérdezné a másik embert, hogy ő hogyan gondol valamit. Csak kiterjesztik magukat. Csak dominálni akarnak, hogy érezzék, hogy élnek. Okoskodnak, véleményeznek, kioktatnak, kritizálnak. Ritkán viccesek. Viszont tapadósak. Ha valakivel szóbaállok, nagy esélye van, hogy egész este vele kell beszélgetnem. Tud szórakoztató lenni, az is, aki magáról beszél, ha felvállalja a gyengeségeit, bénaságait, ha a sztorik nem önfényezésből állnak. És akkor is jók a kiááradó emberek, amikor információt adnak át. Itt jártunk, ott jártunk, ilyen meg olyan érdekességeket láttunk és tapasztaltunk. Lelkesedés, pozitívizmus, ezek húzzák felfelé a többieket is.

Nem gondolom, hogy egészséges az, ahogy én ezzel kapcsolatban érzek. A kényszer, hogy szervezzek és közben az idegenkedés, hogy részt vegyek rendezvényeken. Iszonyatosan magányosnak tudom érezni magam emberek között. Iszonyatosan! Lazának kéne lenni, szarni az egészre, odamenni és faszságokat beszélni. Akár szándékosan. (bár ez nem tisztességes, szóval sosem csinálnék ilyet)

Szeretem a barátaimat. Szeretek velük lenni. Szeretek velük beszélgetni. De egy percig sem gondolom, hogy a különféle barátaimat össze lehet ereszteni, és ők jó társaság lesznek együtt és kedvelni fogják egymást. Sőt, biztos vagyok benne, hogy egyáltalán nem. Szeretem, hogy sikerült kialakítani egy olyan kis csapatot, ahol az ember lelazulhat és mindenféle kényszer és védekezés nélkül lehet jelen. Szeretem óvatosan építgetni ezt a csapatot, 1-1 új embert behívva, akit a csapat szépen magábaolvaszt, megismer. Bár most a szilveszte az aktuális program, de amúgy ez az egész bármikor bármilyen időben igaz. Többnyire kiver a víz a társasági összejövetelektől, de közben tudom, hogy ezeket tudatosan építeni kell mert az emberek nagybbik része tök béna ebben, és végül mind egyedül maradunk. Mármint úgy tényleg egyedül.

Az egyik leginkább társasági emberként ismert barátom azzal hívott fel, hogy két baszom rendezvényre kaptak meghívást, de ők inkább hozzám jönnének, úgy döntöttek. Mert nálam elereszthetik magukat. Szóval, ez egy kikötő, én meg a kikötőmester. De más kikötőkben valahogy idegenül mozgok.

[shima-draws]

Every time they get him to smile they count it as a personal victory

[dreamsteddie]

Nancy knows what people think when they see her and Steve together these days. People mostly include Robin Buckley who, despite what they both say, Nancy doesn't completely believe isn't carrying some kind of torch for the man.

They aren't dating, but it's obvious to anyone who knows them that's what Nancy is angling for. She's not subtle, and she's not trying to be. Doesn't see any reason why she should be. But she knows what it looks like. Nancy Wheeler, fresh off an amicable but heartbreaking end to her relationship with Johnathan Byers has turned tail for a rebound with former boyfriend Steve Harrington. She's using him. She's leading him on. She's going to break his heart, again.

The truth is that Nancy has always liked Steve, was in love with Steve for a fleeting moment when they were both young and stupid and full of mistakes waiting to be made and in the end they had hurt each other, misunderstood each other, too many times to last through their tumultuous teenage years.

The Nancy and Steve of 1984 couldn't have loved each other right, but Nancy knows in her heart that the Nancy and Steve of 1987 could make something beautiful.

Steve is so different from who he used to be. There's a steadiness in him that he always tried to emulate but never fully embodied until the summer of 1985. He always knew how to make her laugh, how to get her to tap into that adventurous spirit within her and live life, but now he also makes her feel safe.

She wants to hold him the way he used to hold her. Wants to whisk him away to New York and build a life perfectly balanced between her ambition and his steadfastness. So she's putting everything she has into rekindling those embers that have always smoldered between them into a steady fire.

She just has to convince Robin that she's in it for the long haul this time.

------

Robin thinks that before she met Steve Harrington her life was never so much like a soap opera.

Her best friend seems to attract danger, betrayal, and romance to him like the world is full of moths and he's the only flame for miles. It would be funnier if it wasn't so god damn annoying sometimes.

Steve doesn't know it, despite how much he insists on being some kind of love expert, but he's got two very eligible bachelors vying for his hand at the moment. She's pretty sure they both see themselves as tragic heroes in this tale of romance, but from her vantage point, it's more like two ornery cats fighting for the prized spot of their owner's lap.

Nancy and Eddie have made themselves both near-permanent fixtures at the Family Video. Ostensibly, they come in because Hawkins is still in the process of rebuilding and there isn't much to do at the moment outside of wandering the woods, loitering at the convenience store, and watching movies at home. In actuality they're both trying to monopolize as much of Steve's time as possible, each trying to lock down his weekend plans before the other.

The first couple of weeks it was funny just to watch, now the only enjoyment she gets out of the whole circus is ruining their plans. She relishes the pissed-off-priss look she gets from Nancy when she asks Steve to go to the drive-in the next town over and Robin turns it into a group outing instead. It's equally funny to watch Eddie's puffed-up shoulders droop when he can't figure out a way to say no to Robin enthusiastically asking if she can join them at the trailer to smoke up on a Saturday night.

In truth, as much as she enjoys messing with them, Robin knows who she wants to win this war. She knows too much about Steve and Nancy's past and all the ways they weren't good for each other to trust her deceptively fragile best friend in Nancy's capable hands.

Eddie, on the other hand...well she's still going to make him work for it before she throws him a bone.

------

Eddie's never been one to fall in love.

He's had crushes, shared a few kisses with girls and boys alike, and lost his virginity in the same fumbling but meaningful way most teens do.

But love? He's never had that before, wasn't sure what it would even feel like.

It turns out that for Eddie, being in love feels a lot like being an overgrown house plant that's finally been moved into suitably a larger pot.

You see, Eddie knows a lot about growing up on his own. Raising himself and finding ways to survive, if not thrive, with a distinct lack of nurturing. He knows how to grow under someone, to grow under the clumsy guidance of his uncle Wayne who never intended to become a parent. And most of all he knows a hell of a lot about growing despite. Growing under the harsh boot forever trying to push him back into the hard dirt he came from.

It's something else entirely to grow with someone in the way he's been growing with Steve.

Steve who was there when he woke up, almost equally as injured as Eddie himself after a second, world saving round with Vecna. Steve who let Eddie lean on him in the difficult month of physical and emotional recovery that came next. Who helped Eddie come to terms with the new reality he was living under the way Steve wished someone had been there for him after his first encounter with the Upsidedown. Steve, who on paper should have been one of the people pushing him down, always gave Eddie the space to be himself and never tried to force either of them into a box they didn't fit.

Eddie knows he's not The Girl. He's not the one who got away, he's not the stalwart princess in one of his campaigns who saves the day herself but still gets the guy. He's not Nancy Wheeler.

But he's also not a quitter, and even if everything about the world and the narrative arc of their lives says that Steve will never end up with him, Eddie knows he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't put his hat in the ring for the hand of the fair Sir Steve.

------

Steve's not stupid.

He knows that there's something happening between Nancy, Eddie, and himself. Knows that if he chooses to look a little closer, to examine why exactly all his weekends are suddenly booked up and Robin has taken to stealing the Recese's Pieces off the shelf whenever either one of them comes into the store like she's settling in for a show, he would come to the conclusion that two of his best friends are essentially courting him in competition with each other.

But Steve isn't looking closer.

His mom always said that he was just like his father, too stubborn for his own good.

Robin says he's a control freak, pushing non-life-threatening problems off until he knows how to deal with them on his own terms.

The truth is Steve already knows how this will end, and he knows how this should end.

Because in the eyes of society, in the arc of the narrative, Steve and Nancy should already be making plans to move out to New York and start a life together. Steve should be looking at apartments while Nancy finalizes her class schedule. He should be looking into getting a job at his dad's New York office to support his future wife through her college education where they both know she'll breeze through her classes and move onto the world-changing career she was always meant to have, while Steve stays home with their children like a perfect little modern family.

And the thing is, if the story had gone like it was supposed to, if the world had been saved the fourth time around and Eddie Munson had died on the cold, hard ground of the Upsidown, that's probably exactly the future that would have happened and Steve would have never known to not be content with it. But Eddie did make it, and while Steve mourns the future he could have had, he knows it's not the one he's going to choose in the end.

Even though Steve knows exactly what will happen when he allows himself to face the ever-mounting tension between the three of them, it's scary to take that plunge.

Everything about Steve's world up until Robin has told him that what he's going to choose will damn him forever, and even if he's never put much stock into God and the church, he knows that the future in front of them will never be easy. There's a part of him that wants to take the easy way out. He's never been attracted to a man before Eddie, never had to imagine himself loving someone discreetly, and the thought of it makes his heart hurt prematurely. It would be simpler, he knows, to choose the path most taken.

But Steve has always thought more with his heart than his brain, and he knows that after everything they've been through, after all the time they've spent healing together and growing as one that he could never choose anyone but Eddie.

The time is coming for him to make his final decision, he can feel it, but for now he'll let them sit in this liminal space a little longer.

[pink-onyx-au]

Episode 12: One Sleepless Night

Page 22 of 28

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[miskiart]

i made a shirt design to wear everyday of 2025 :^)

[kendallroyjenner]

so the thing about digital footprints

[csacskamacskamocska]

Hallgassátok meg!

Létezik-e a nagy Ő? Hogyan kötődünk és miért? Mi az amire majd öregen vágyunk? Mi változhat és miért nem tud változni? Annyi minden, a nagy Ő-n kívül, hogy csuda! Ha keresed a nagy őt, a csodás kapcsolatot, akkor azért hallgasd meg, ha nem keresed, akkor azért! Mindenképpen jót fog tenni! :)

Régi és új gondolatok. Piszokjó!

[fortuneaday]

[atefingersdagger]

Note to self: Do NOT be the age of 16 in District 12, shit always goes down

[siaaxion]

I love Misadventures SMP. Scott's video was mostly just him and his boyfriend + his two exes lmaooooo I'm living for Scott just ignoring Cambam's existence and then the man turns into Scott's stalker/affectionate

Cleo and Pearl are here... Three G's reunion ? please ?

[girlkisser13]

cabin headcanons masterlist

a/n: these are all my personal headcanons. i will be making ones for more minor gods.

cabin 1- zeus ⚡️

cabin 3- poseidon 🌊

cabin 4- demeter 🪴

cabin 5- ares ⚔️

cabin 6- athena 🧠

cabin 7- apollo ☀️

cabin 8- artemis 🌙

cabin 9- hephaestus 🛠️

cabin 10- aphrodite 💗

cabin 11- hermes ⚕️

cabin 12- dionysus 🍷

cabin 13- hades 💀

cabin 14- iris 🌈

cabin 15- hypnos 💤

cabin 16- nemesis ⚖️

cabin 17- nike 🏆

cabin 18- hebe 🍶

cabin 19- tyche 🎰

cabin 20- hecate 🪄

cabin 21- hestia 🔥

cabin 22- thanatos 🪦

cabin 23- morpheus 🛌

cabin 24- melinoe 👻

cabin 25- persephone 🌸

cabin 26- eros 💘

cabin 27- nyx 🌌

cabin 38- psyche 🦋

[forged-in-kaoss]

Episode 110 vs episode 1100

[gear-systim]

>> guest 666 🥩 personal [ headmate ] stimboard -- rubs my hands together. hello everyone board with red & black and whatever i thought would fit >> board theme [ i monster - stobart's blues ]

sources: [ 🩸 - 📞 - 🩸 / 💢 - 🥩 - 💢 / 🩸 - 📞 - 🩸 ] center gif [ @So_outh38 on Twitter ] / borders

[bunnyshideawayy]

responding “22 years old btw” to me during fandom discourse is so hilariously odd like do middle schoolers think people stop enjoying things once they reach the ancient age of 18?

[photozoi]

Ta dah!!!

Oooops.

I sorry.

I unwrapped three days early.

Happy Howl-a-Daze Three Days early from Mr the Mung Bean, Silken Windhound and a bit eager for festivities.

[fbfh]

Curiosity is a Wonderful thing ch. 10

wc: 1.8k

genre: slow burn, little angst, childhood best friends to lovers

pairing: slow burn bff!ben x fem daughter of alice!reader, previously audrey x ben, mal x ben???? yikes!

warnings: political lore and descendants world building from yours truly lol, I think that's it??? minor angst???

summary: determined to figure out what's going on with ben, you remember that many paws make light work.

song recs: dirty paws - of monsters and men, hartebeest - yaelokre, a world of my own - kathryn beaumont

a/n: HI HELLO DADDIES HELLO MY DADDIES HI HELLO also I started watching it's always sunny and every goddamn thing out of charlie's mouth is a vocal stim. I can't go more than two seconds without going HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY. LOOK AT ME GIVE ME EYES. COOL YOUR JETS. NOW GET OUTTA HERE. I love him.

ALSO!!!!!!!! happy 23rd b-day to meself!!!! does a little jester dance while I simultaneously give a thumbs down from the king chair, opening a trapped door and throwing my jester self into a deep dark pit full of lions and poorly made iced americanos.

tags @yesv01@magcon7280 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sunshineangel-reads @dustyinkpages @inejsknifes @tulipmagnoliaisme @ev3ningrain @yokolesbianism lmk if I missed you and I'll add you to the tag list yell at me in the notes /j (also my dearest yokolesbianism!!!!! thank you so fuckin much for the feedback!!!!!! based on your tags I assumed you'd wanna be tagged?? just shoot me an ask or message if this is not the case lol <333)

You haven’t given much thought to anything besides your research since it began, but if you had, you suppose you would notice you’ve been holed up in the library for every hour it’s been open for a few days, at least. Each waking moment has been spent pouring through text after text, desperately seeking anything that could prove useful in answering the question of Ben’s behavior. 

The first few books proved to be utterly useless for anything besides sharpening your researching skills. You slam the most recent book closed and lean back in your chair, letting out a sigh of frustration. As much as you hate to admit it - even to yourself - you must begrudgingly admit that you need help. 

You let out another sigh, and stand up. A good long sigh seems to be your only weapon against the inconsolable frustration burbling within you turmoilously. You stretch your aching legs and arms, hoping your blood hasn’t stopped circulating entirely, and throw the window open. You take in a big, deep breath of spring air. 

The scent of gardenia and hibiscus floats along the breeze and into your chest, and you glance down at the flowering culprits below the window. 

Your mind wanders and races in a blurry stumble. There must be some way for you to get information, to get some extra hands on this without getting anyone else directly involved. You never expected to find yourself facing such a fragile, treacherous situation, much less having to navigate it yourself. Without Ben. 

You rub at your aching head, trying to make heads or snails of all this. Your mind reels in a blurry stupor at the dangerous situation your country has found itself in without even realizing this to be the case. You take another big, deep breath. 

“Alright.” You tell yourself with a note of finality, like perhaps if you say it enough things will be just that. Alright. 

There are two heads to this chimera of a situation you’ve found yourself in. Firstly, you have to figure out how to monitor Ben. His words, his actions, if he suddenly decides to shave his head and run about nude. Whatever it is, you must be the first to know. Perhaps if you find a way to stay on top of whatever his next erratic decisions will be, you can find a way to smooth things over, to fix things before they have a chance to snowball wildly out of control. 

The other thing you must consider - arguably, of more importance - is why? Why is he acting like this? As much as you resist confronting the feeling, you can’t shake the sense that this is some sort of political sabotage. It wouldn’t be the first time Ben was caught in the crossfires of political unrest. There was a very tense 8 days when you were both nearly too young to remember where Ben had been kidnapped by a group of radicalist former henchmen. They were convinced that Chernabog was sending them secret messages, and were responsible for the next villain uprising.

This, of course, was untrue and Ben was returned unscathed. The henchmen were understandably sent to the Isle, and Chernabog’s whereabouts are still unknown. There’s some debate over the nature of his crimes, if he’s truly evil or just appears to be scary. You and your mother know right where you stand on the issue - while he appears terrifying, and has incredible amounts of power, you have yet to find any evidence that he wants to cause harm. 

You understand why Overlandians are so quick to fear what they don’t know, but one cannot control their size nor the strength of their power, so your mother has urged the Auradon government to let sleeping gods lie. Besides, Chernabog hasn’t been around for half a century, and won’t be seen for another half century at least, so it’s really the least of anyone’s worries right now. 

You snap from your train of thought, returning to the matter afoot. You must keep tabs on Ben, and find some explanation for why he could be acting like this. You already have so many bites that are far too big, and you have no clue how you’ll chew your way through this by yourself. You’re about to go back when you see a bluebird sitting on the tree branch outside the window. She preens her feathers, enjoying the warm sunlight dappling through the lush green leaves that partially hide her from view. You lean out of the window, your sleeves rippling in the breeze. 

“Excuse me!” You call out. She chirps inquisitively as you get her attention. 

“I do hate to bother you, but I’m stuck in quite a muddling lurch. It’s all quite convoluted you see, and as much as I hate to admit it, I fear I’ve reached a point where I simply don’t have enough hands to handle it all.”

She quirks her head at you, hopping a little closer and lending an ear as you begin to explain the whole kerfuffle. You try to be as concise and clear as you can, but you take after your mother quite well. You get a little sidetracked here or worked up there, and find yourself rambling a great good deal more than you would have liked to. 

By the time you’re just about through with your explanation, you’ve had to pull out a lacy embroidered handkerchief, then soon after, another one for the bluebird. She’s grown quite invested in your woes, and it feels so good to be able to weep wetly over this with someone who shares your feelings. You try in vain to dry your eyes, and she holds her hankie tightly with her feathers, blowing her beak with a loud noise. 

“So you see, this whole thing is quite unusual. I just don’t know what to do, or how to fix things.” You look at her compassionate face, nodding and chirping in sympathy. 

“Do you think…” You begin, “Do you perhaps have any friends that could keep ears and eyes open for anything odd, or relating to all this? If you could possibly keep an ear to the ground - or sky - and let me know if there’s anything unusual, I would be most grateful.”

She nods, tweeting in agreement before you can even finish your proposal. She fluffs her feathers and wrings out your hankie, sprinkling salty tears onto the walkway below and hangs it up on a  branch to dry out. She salutes you, and you wave at her as she flies off to spread the word. 

“Thank you!” You call after her. She chirps back at you, and you watch her land a few trees over, discussing the topic with some other birds in the branches. You grip the windowsill resolutely. This is good. This was a good plan. Animal communication takes a great deal of work on both ends, so as long as no particularly gossipy stoats or chickadees get a hold of this, you’ll be alright. 

Besides, animals generally tend to prefer gossiping with other animals rather than humans. Overlandians never seem to understand the gravitas of the social politics of the forest. Despite the word traveling fast, you can’t shake the feeling you need more. More eyes, more ears, more furry feet and paws and claws spreading the word. You straighten up abruptly, returning to your table. You scribble a hasty note on a piece of paper, and prop it up against your stacks and stacks of useless - in this instance, anyway - books. 

gone for tea, be back in three 

You’re known for ducking in and out for tea now and again, and you’re sure this will come as no surprise to the librarians. You rush down the steps and out of the library, into the grassy courtyard. It feels like forever since you’ve been outside, and you miss leisurely strolls and reading in the dappled sunlight. But regrettably, now is simply not the time for leisure. You walk around for a few minutes, searching and looking until you see a cat lying on a garden wall, bathing in the sun. 

 “I beg your pardon,” you start, and the cat opens one sleepy eye. You take a breath and begin explaining the situation all over again. You’re pleased to find a little bit of the sting is gone this time. Just a little. Soon you have his full attention, and his tail flicks in sympathetic irritation for you, for having gone through all this. 

“So if you could spread the word to some friends, keep me informed on anything you think might prove useful” You ask hopefully. 

He pretends to consider for a moment, then agrees, hopping down from the wall and arching his back in a big stretch. He scurries off to spread the word as you make your way into the gardens for similar reasons. You traipse through the hedge maze, feeling a momentary solace in becoming lost so quickly. Soon you find just what you’re looking for, and after a similar conversation with a mother rabbit, you allow yourself to return to the library. 

You return to your research with more gumption than you had had before. You feel a sense of reassurance - a much needed one, at that - that all these kind animals and their friends and relations had agreed to help you and your cause. Soon after, nearly every cat and rabbit are doing reconnaissance for you. Dozens of bluebirds follow students and linger by windows in hopes of overhearing something useful. With all these ears to the ground and sky, you lose yourself in your fruitless research once again. 

When the words begin to look jumbled and meaningless (and not in the good way) you know you absolutely must call it a day. You close your books and place them neatly in the return cart, scratching out titles from your list of Potentially Helpful Books in your journal. More and more pages have become dedicated to this heart aching mystery, though you have few clues, and fewer leads. You ruminate on this as you begin to head for your dorm, nearly tripping over a speckled rabbit. 

He thumps his foot loudly to get your attention, and you startle. “Oh, hello,” you say apologetically, crouching down to speak with him. You listen intently to what he tells you, your stomach dropping in the early evening light. 

Ben and Mal are on a date at the enchanted lake as you speak.