#11 weeks so far
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The worst part of being at my parents' house, like the absolute worse, the most horrible thing, beyond being away from hubby and missing him so much, beyond missing my own space and having control over my day, it's that I am surrounded by triggers, major childhood traumas coming up at random times and messing with my barely-holding-on psyche, and living on survival mode for too long. Ya rab, this soul is tired and you are Al-Qader Al-Jabbar ya rab ..
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My kitten has a new favorite teeny tiny mouse toy that we got at her first vet checkup and she loves it so much. We call it her mousey. She goes crazy over it and could play with it for hours, but sometimes she bats it somewhere she can't reach and we have to get it for her
Today she was getting into a bunch of stuff she shouldn't and I realized that I hadn't seen her playing with her mousey all day. So I asked out loud (rhetorically) "where's your mousey?" and started looking for it so I could give her that to play with instead. As soon as I said that though she walked over to a box of my gf's craft stuff and started pawing behind it, and when I moved it the mousey was right there
She knows the word mousey and she led me to her toy so I could get it for her 🥺 she's such a smart baby
#shes still running around with it shes so cute. i can hear her collar jingling even from the other room#shes only like 11 weeks old and shes already so smart!#it seems like she has a really strong hunting instinct too. i bet she would make an excellent mouser if we lived on a farm lol#this mouse toy is tiny compared to her other ones but its the most realistic looking#and while she does also love feather toys (until she pulls all the feathers out lol) this is her favorite toy by far#she also keeps like trying to attack drawings of bugs lol#my gf printed off some business cards with drawing of beetles on them for her cosplay stuff#and before she had finished cutting them out when they were still just laying on the floor#astrid went over there and just started smacking the heck out of them lol#like she was staring very intently at the beetle and smacking it HARD with precision over and over#she did the same thing with our otgw dvd case a few days later lol so i guess she thinks greg and wirt look like bugs?#anyway shes a very cute and smart baby#also very brave. our other two cats are scaredy babies and run and hide at the slightest provocation#lawnmowers for example are one thing that make them scared so if they hear one outside theyll run and hide#the first time astrid heard one tho she was just curious. she walked over to the window to try and figure out what the sound was#she was too tiny to jump up there on her own at that time so i picked her up so she could look outside#and she just watched it with curiosity. and now that shes big enough to jump up on her own she does the same thing lol#its so cool to see her unique personality evolving as she grows up. i love her so much#rambling
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Little Respawn drawing I've spent too much time on :)
#took a good 11:23 off my day#been working on this for a week or two now so its nice to finally be done#this was originally supposed to only be a headshot & there was supposed to be a damian one too but im to far in to go back ig#respawn al ghul#dc#damian wayne#batfam#damian wayne al ghul#respawn dc#respawn wilson#still trying to find my artstyle 😞
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i'm desperate to know how many notebooks you have filled with these drawings. i must know, please, i'm on my hands and knees
Most of my comics are drawn on standard letter paper (8.5"x11"), and to date I have filled 23 pages! I usually manage to fit roughly 6-8 comics per page.
Mspaint recreation of the first page!
#ask#I have several more pages filled in a sketchbook for practice/studies and my 'better drawn' work#Each square panel is 1.5 inches (1/4 of a sticky note) and I use pretty small nub ink pens.#I actually hadn't counted how many I had filled (in my head it was roughly 1 new page a week) so this was a cool prompt to do so!#it's also wild to go back and look at my old comics! Really hits home how far I've come!#I felt so confident in my 3 panel format. Only to give it up by like... comic 11.#I meant to take a picture of the first early pages and compare it with the new comics but oh man taking photos was never my strong suit.#I hate shadows. I hate lighting. I hate angles. Defeated by the shadow of my hand and terrible camera quality.#I also do not have enough floor space to lay them all out... I Might need to ask a friend for their floor. And phone.#There's a little unused follower thank you i've never posted on the first page too! Argh...another time.#but yes! all of these exist in physical form. I need to invest in a little binder with protective sheets so I can flip through
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sobbing rn thinking of the friends ive made through mcyts.....i love you all whether we're talking right now or havent talked in years.....you all have a special place in my heart......we may have met through liking cubitos but we grew well beyond that....sorry im having thoughts
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#confessions#wholesome#literally this!!! youre so correct nonnie!!!!#i love my mcyt friends too#i love the people in that three year old gc that gets spammed mostly with anime these days#i love the various people ive friended on discord that i never talk to anymore but still look through our dms sometimes#i love the people that i still talk to even if they have other interests noe#i love the people thst i still talk to even if they dont have other interests now#i love the people in thwt new gc less than two weeks old#i love my tumblr mutuals tht i dont talk to but see on my dash and go ᗡ: knowing that i followed them for mcyt even if theyre notinto it no#i love the people in the discord server that kinda imploded on itself but made such a big impact on my life#(<- half of these tags refer to people i met through said server)#i love my qpp who still listens to me rant at it abt mcyt#i love the new people i meet i love the old people i dont talk to#i love the people that i start out talking to about mcyt but conversations grow far beyond that#i love the person that i meow back and forth in dms with instead of really talking#i love the people that did so so so much for me when i joined the fandom at 11 and werent creepy towards me (thank fuck)#i love the people that encouraged me to write that encouraged me to draw to look at these cubitos and be creative about it#i love the fanfiction authors that i know that rant about their fics to me in dms#i love the fanartists that send me their wips of block people and i will cheer them on#i love absolutely everyone who made this fandom a home for me for what feels like my entire life#i love you. thank you.#mcyt fandom has done so much for me#90% of the people i know today; i know through mcyt fandom#i would not be who i am today without yall#i love you everyone who was a friend to me through mcyt fandom#Ɛ>
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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fic talk in the tags 💝
#aaaaaaaa i have only 4 stores left to write for the advent calendar and then i'm done?! 😭#i can't believe it guys i might actually be able to pull this off 👀#i've literally just winged it day after day with minimal planning#and i haven't even had a breakdown once? gonna knock on wood here real quick lol#i've had so much fun writing all these little stories too 🥺 and i'm fairly satisfied with them as well! yes!! me!! my biggest critic!!#i'm not gonna be writing anything for a while after i get these last ones done though lol i've written SO MUCH during these past weeks#however i did write down a short piece of dialogue in finnish the other day 👀#like. literally 11 words and idk if i'm ever gonna write more but those words just...came to me so i had to write them down somewhere#(it has been peer-reviewed as 'perfect' (thanks eetu <3) and you can totally slide in my DMs if you're curious)#and the college/uni au i've been playing with practically all autumn is something i definitely want to give a try#(so far i only have some random notes and moodboards 😅)#but whatever i'll end up writing i'll do it because i want to and that's what's important 🤍#thank you so much everyone who has been reading these stories or any of my fics this year#i really am not expecting anyone to read my stories and i'm happy if even just one person does 🥺#okay sappy talk over now back to writing byeeeeee#*stories
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y’all some people really have some balls. or just a…misunderstanding of places that require appointments.
man: when’s ur next opening for 5 people
me: uh what service are you looking for?
man: foot and body massage?
me: *guides him to website with our menu of services, proceeds to spend 5 minutes asking for any more gd clarification which proves mostly useless*
me: okay the next time I have 5 therapists available at the same time is….January 30th—
man: oh no I meant for today!
me: HAHAHA no we’re completely booked today??? I don’t even have 5 therapists working today?????
man: what?? damn *hangs up*
#what on earth were you expecting????#you want 5 full body massages last minute???#absolutely not gonna happen??????#this is worse than last week when a lady demanded I put her down for a 90 min massage in an hour#‘yeah put me down for 90 mins at 11’#me: ….im sorry?#lady: repeats herself#me: ….like….today?#lady. frustrated: yes!#me: we’re totally booked today and even tomorrow….#lady: what?? ugh I knew this would happen I’ll just call again 😤#bitch what u don’t get to talk to me like that#so far 2024 has been full of people DEMANDING I make room for them#very rudely#this has not been the case in the 6 months I’ve been here#old ppl in 2024 really said ‘this year is all about ME’#sorry I’m just still in awe of this fucking guy today#gotta rant abt it
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have this feeling I'm going to become steadily more unhinged abt diapers b/c I can't wear any for another three and a half weeks
#THREE AND A HALF WEEKS LEFT!!?!!!???2!!11??!#(I'm recovering from surgery)#(and that's like. the moderate take. like I've gotta wait 12 total wks before I'm considered fully recovered)#ramblings#and like I'm already at the point where I'm like#ok but what if I just put one on and like kept it dry and didn't use it or anything but just touched it for a little while#but like. I and me both know I do not have the self control for that#so I simply cannot let myself get that far
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doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...
#lizzy speaks#to those who are curious what prompted this: my friend and i are collaborating on a video essay together#we picked it back up a week and a half ago after it laid in limbo for a month or two#and we're currently in the phase of editing it together (scripting + recording the VO is done)#and MAN. my respect for people who work on scripted/informative content just shot up through the ROOF#most of my experience with editing comes from footage first and then edit down approach (rather than creating/gathering visuals to uplift-#a written script) and it's. well. they engage with very different skillsets i think#my friend who i am collaborating with is very amused at me because this is not her first rodeo. meanwhile me as a first-timer.#i am telling her about how i am losing my mind over my editing timeline having gaps of footage because i couldn't think of anything to put#for certain portions (or i just didnt feel like looking through preexisting footage on the internet and dl-ing it)#and she compared it to 'telling a kid whos going thru puberty that its normal' EKLHFGLHH#im ngl the way i have spent like maybe 10 hours today off and on looking up footage and fact checking the splat artbook is so. explodes#it makes sifting through an 11 hour batch of footage of me playing big run sound like a cakewalk in comparison LMAOO#anyway if you read this far thank you :D i hope that in 2024 i can continue to be humbled in trying new things#and i highly encourage others 2 do so too! try a new method of approaching something or do smthn slightly adjacent to what you do!#tis a good learning experience and also makes u very appreciative of the things that are out there methinks#im literally only editing an 11 minute segment or so idfk how people make those 1+ hr video essays LIKE HELLO??? ESP IF ITS LICENSED MEDIA#HOW DO U GET ALL THE FOOTAGE FOR THAT. U MUST BE REALLY HYPERFIXATED AND DEDICATED TO THAT. DAMN. anyway. have a good 2023 everyone!
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I think it's been forever since I last only owed 5 replies (+ asks). It's still a bunch of writing and I might not (be able to) keep up the steadyness of the last few days, but, I feel so close to being caught up with things, it's really nice.
#now watch today like 10 things or so coming back to me xD I don't think I even ahev that many active things atm still pending to return; but#since I said this it has to happen#✫ Out of Characters ✫ | OOC#longest reply is waiting since like 11 days so far; not even 2 weeks#I made such nice progress from replies having to wait more than a month recently still#now if only I could keep it up; which I sadly doubt; but hey
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little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world
#just me hi#though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs#'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not!#and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can#(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only#the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought#'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand#and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol#//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !!#you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D#sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates#[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with']#like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in#like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ?#//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on)#I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we#were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m.#that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh#a deadly match truly#and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had#in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it#/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor -#get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you#have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter#the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping#in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge#up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not#check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o#noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh#'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so
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i think i posted abt this before but anyways i found this old "progress update!" drawing of mine on a discord server i use for saving stuff.. so i was like let me redraw it in 2023, a whole 3-4 yrs later
#pen & tablet drawing are like 1-2 weeks apart but whatever anyways i havent finished a sketch w/ my tablet since i got it#happy i didn’t just give up and erase the entire thing like i usually do. it makes me oddly happy#i’m still incredibly far from where i want to be‚ clearly‚ but i think 11 yr old me would freak the FUCK out if she saw me now#i don’t save my old drawings (except this i guess) so i don’t see the progress and i felt like i was just stuck at the same level lol#so i'm happy to see i've improved a bit over time :)#💭#edit: take a shot everytime i said the word happy
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my worst trait is the need to get 12 hours of sleep every night. if i have to get up at 6am well i should be in bed by 6pm. combine this with my natural inclination to stay up really late and you get me waking up past noon because i was up past midnight. if there is no external force like school or a job keeping me on my early bedtime schedule i will revert to sleeping til noon within a few days
#i tried getting ten hours so i would go to sleep at 8 for my job i have to be up for around 6 and i was literally so exhausted all the time#i should have gone to bed at 6#i started going to bed at 7 and it helped#anyway#employment is hard enough but there not enough jobs where the schedule accommodates my insane sleeping needs#i did see one where the start time was 10am and it went until like 6pm but it was really far away and i wasn't qualified#but what a concept#also is was hybrid remote which would also be so nice#this post is to say that i accidentally stayed up past 1am last night so guess what time i woke up today#an extreme example usually i get by with 11 hours and stay up til 11 then get up at 10#which is still not great but its not embarrassing#this is especially terrible with the days getting shorter#the sun goes down at 5pm so getting up at 1pm or noon every day this week is not good#in my defense im getting over covid usually im up by 11#but still 🤡
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Me watching the og Trigun anime after starting trigun stampede 2 moths ago: oh gee those fucking cries sound so realistic and full of pain and hurt. You just dont get that kind of genuine quality very much in newer animes. I hope Stampede delivers the same quality
Me now, having just watched episode 11 and then rewatched it just to propperly process everything: SCREAMING AND CRYING THROWING UP KICKING MY LEGS SOBBING FUCKING BAWLING MY EYES OUT DYING VIOLENTLY SHAKING-
#trigun stampede#The og trigun anime got intense but stampede really hits a whole other level#ooh god#the manga is gonna wreck me just as bad isnt it#on one hand im actually thankful for once to have a whole week to just. process and internalize what the fuck just happened#but on the other hand i want vash to be ok so bad. i want him to get a nice hug and a couple boxes of donuts#and far the fuck away from his brother#Nai I love you honey but What the Ever Loving Fuck are you doing#Someone oughta shoot this guy#Episode 11 freaked me out so much#the body horror? yea ok i can deal with that#its disturbing but like i was expecting it to get worse on that front#the whole. Vash's situation?#im so uncomfortable and thoroughly disturbed#THE GIANT REM PLANT THOUGH#ALSO SOMEONE POINTED OUT WOLFWOOD DIDNT DISSAPEAR INTO THE GERANIUMS AND AND AND#THAT SCENE WHERE THEY MADE IT LOOK LIKE VASH HEARD HIM FROM HIS MINDSPACE?!#Im picking these things apart and rubbing my grimey bloody little hands all over them
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