#i love the person that i meow back and forth in dms with instead of really talking

[evil-mcytblrconfessions]

sobbing rn thinking of the friends ive made through mcyts.....i love you all whether we're talking right now or havent talked in years.....you all have a special place in my heart......we may have met through liking cubitos but we grew well beyond that....sorry im having thoughts

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[solarwindandcosmicash]

operation: turncoat turnabout

non-canon operation. guest DM: mod cosmos

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Beetle has asked anyone willing in the party to scout out a possible target for her: specifically, there is supposed to be a rare painting by the elcor artist Forta in a nearby space station. When Vekar, Vasir, and Phos go out to investigate, they find themselves pitted against one another as Phos is indoctrinated with a nanopoison that compels her to try to kill them. Accompanied by Telissa T’Harani, the Apricity’s shuttle pilot, the party manages to synthesize the cure for the nanopoison and save Phos’s life as well as theirs. The party then leaves the station empty-handed, however - much to Beetle’s future disappointment.

summary

Beetle contacts the party and asks them to scout out a target for her. After a brief discussion with Annos, Vekar, Vasir, and Phos hop into the shuttle with Telissa and fly to the station. In the shuttle bay, Phos finds a datapad that Vekar reads that says the following:

Reassurance: do not worry, Nol. Cloviss is providing transport for us to the ‘Citadel’, we’ll meet you there. We are participating in an experimental trial to pay our passage, but it will be better than smuggling or putting myself into debt.

[Failed to send] 

Telissa remembers that Cloviss Bowmer was a scientific prodigy in robotics in AI until legislation pushed her interest towards chemistry instead. Most notably, Cloviss invented Space Tape, a popular material that can be used to patch anything from holes in boxes to hull breaches, albeit temporarily. Either way, Telissa leads the way into the decontamination chamber and then to the lobby beyond.

In the lobby, the party finds three doors and one desk. The first of the doors, on the right, is labeled “Fun Times Room”; the door on the left reads “Testing Center”, and the center door leads to Cloviss’s private chambers. Telissa finds that that door is locked while Vasir goes to search behind the desk, which triggers sensors that brings an animatronic into the room. The animatronic is shaped like a cat with a lab coat and whose name is, fittingly, Kitty Cat. Kitty Cat is only able to tell them so much before informing the party that it needs to hear the executive code before it can divulge more information.

The party manages to stir up enough trouble, by continually attempting to search the desk, that they summon another animatronic, this one a crocodile in a lab coat named Nile the Crocodile. This animatronic is hostile from the get-go, but Phos manages to search the desk anyway, where she finds this note:

Don’t forget: [fox, wolf, jackal, coyote, dingo.]

Various provoking shenanigans result in a fight, wherein another animatronic in the shape of a Sheep appears and is killed after some time; still, it seems the animatronics have the upper hand. Telissa eventually figures out that what Phos had found is the executive code by yelling out three things in quick succession: fox wolf jackal coyote dingo, F-W-J-C-D, and Canidae. She is able to stop the fight because of this and ask numerous questions, where it’s revealed that the test involves having one party member attempt to kill the others and that killing this party member will cause the station to explode. The odds are bleak, and that’s when when Phos shoots Vekar with her shotgun, revealing that she had been infected with the nanopoison that compels her to kill the party.

Telissa makes a break for the labs with Vasir and Vekar, managing to kill Kitty Cat and Nile the Crocodile and then leaving Phos in the labs by collapsing the doorway. This gives them enough time to break into Cloviss’s private chambers, where they discover the instructions for synthesizing the cure. Vekar manages to pull one together as Phos breaks in from the labs, and with some struggle, the party manages to inject the cure and save Phos’s life, as well as theirs. Upon entering Cloviss’s room, Telissa shoots her dead and then shoots the painting Beetle had been after. Vasir collects the key that will open the bay doors, and the party makes their escape soon after.

Back in the Apricity, Beetle expresses her disappointment and surprise at the mission’s difficulty. The rest of the party has solemnly sworn that they are going to kill her the next time they see her.

notable lines + interactions

Beetle: Hey, Assman. Annos: Yep, that’s me, I’m Assman. I love being called that. Thanks. It’s my best feature. It’s really great when people recognize that. Phos, OOC: Wait. Phos leans over - Phos: Does he have a nice ass? Vasir: Keelah. DM: I got a seven, so it’s not his best feature. It’s actually pretty average. You’re not sure why he thinks it’s so great. Phos, OOC: O-kay! Let’s move on.

Phos: Beetle - how difficult would you think it is to steal this thing, considering we have no experience doing this? DM: Beetle gives a giant shrug. Phos: ... Okay. DM: And then she realizes she’s being a huge asshole.

in discord: Vekar: a night in the museum Vasir: ohm y ogd Telissa: dishonored 2 mansion stage Phos: I hope there wont be a dinosaur DM: LMAO Telissa: CLOCKWORK KNIGHTS Vekar: There will be a rachni Telissa: LET'S GO Vasir: THEODORE ROOSEVELT

Vekar: I can’t believe the Assman agreed to it. Beetle: Yeah, well. He owes me a favor. Vasir: You really can’t believe it, Vekar? It’s Beetle. She has her ways. Beetle: I do. And you��ll never know what they are. Vekar, OOC: Vekar dabs in agreement. DM: Beetle mirrors this. Big mood.

in discord: Vasir: VEKAR DABS IN AGREEMENT Telissa: vekar dabs in agreementi can't believe Phos: grEAT start Vekar: notes: but looks really defeated as he dabs

DM: Annos goes to say something to Beetle, but then she imitates static and cuts off the call. Phos, OOC: Oh, lordy.

DM: You arrive in the shuttle bay and you see the shuttle pilot, Telissa, waiting. [pause] DM: [Telissa’s player], that’s you. Telissa, OOC: Yeah! I mean. Okay! DM: Take it away. Telissa, OOC: I don’t even know where we’re going is the problem, [DM]. But uh... yeah. Alright.

Telissa, OOC: I’m Telissa now, bro. It’s gonna be lit.

Vekar, OOC: [restarts his connection] Vasir, OOC: Hey, [Telissa’s player], you could put on some jeopardy music or something while we wait. Elevatorstuck, maybe? Telissa, OOC: Yeah, okay, let me pull it up, since I guess we’re going full meme now. Phos, OOC: [distressed noises] Telissa, OOC: Do we want with meows? Extended? Phos, OOC: I hate this. Telissa, OOC: Let’s go with extended.

DM: I only had ten seconds of the elevator music. Telissa, OOC: I had twenty-two seconds. DM: You had a head start. That’s unfair. Telissa, OOC: Yeah? Well, fight me. DM: I will. Telissa, OOC: Okay.

Annos: Good luck. Telissa: We won’t need it. Vekar: Famous last words.

Vekar, OOC: I look at the sun. Phos, OOC: You go blind. DM: Yeah. Vekar, OOC: So basically nothing changes. DM: You have a disadvantage for perception checks. Telissa, OOC: Oh, more of a disadvantage already? Minus six perception, let’s go - Vekar, OOC: I’m good, thanks.

DM: The lock on the bay doors engages. Telissa: Alright. This is fine. I guess we’re locked in now, so that’s great.

Phos: You take the shuttle you’re flying and smash it through the port if there’s no other option. Telissa: Listen. Vasir: Spoken like a true krogan. Telissa: This is our only shuttle, and if it breaks, we’re gonna be fucked, so let’s not do that, maybe? Phos: Well, maybe the shuttle can handle such a crash. Telissa: Or maybe we can go inside, unlock the doors, and it won’t even matter. We’re wasting time.

in discord: Vekar: 10-4 = 6 Vekar: someone has to carry this team

DM: Telissa goes over to the wall. And it’s a perfectly smooth wall. And she feels this wall and says, “This is actually a floor. We’re standing on the wall.” Telissa: Gravity’s been reversed, you guys! We have to figure out what’s wrong with the mass effect core! Phos: Okay, uh - Telissa: Do you see this? Telissa, OOC: And she, like, slams the wall with her hands - Telissa, shouting: This is the floor! The carpet is supposed to be on here! Phos and Vekar: [try to explain that the wall is not the floor] Telissa: [continues to maintain otherwise for two minutes]

Telissa, OOC: I can’t believe you’re spending time trying to convince me of this.

Telissa, OOC: Telissa is curled in a fetal position and is rocking back and forth against the wall. Vasir, OOC: Vasir goes over and tries to calm Telissa down. Vasir: It’s alright, we’ll figure out the gravity shit. Telissa, crying: But what if we dooooon’t?

Telissa: Hey, so the person who owns this place made tape! And some other stuff, but the tape is the important part, because she got rich off of that. Vasir: ... Okay.

Phos: And I do have Space Tape, so - Telissa, OOC: Wow! Product placement! I can’t believe it! Product placement! Phos, as if Telissa’s player hadn’t spoken: - could use that to interrogate that one human. Cloviss. Whatever.

Vasir, OOC: Vasir follows Telissa to make sure she doesn’t get lost or have a crisis somewhere again. Telissa, petulantly: That was one time.

Vekar, OOC: Vekar follows. Vasir, OOC: Kind of like Magnus rushes in - Vekar follows. DM: Vekar follows - Vekar’s good out here. Telissa, OOC: No. Stop that right there. No more Adventure Zone. Tell me what’s in the decontamination chamber.

Vasir: Are you feeling okay, Telissa? Did you have some - Telissa: I’m peachy! Vasir: ... Okay.

DM: Yeah, the light’s green now, the door’s open now. You all leave that room changed.

Phos, OOC: Both Vasir and Telissa are breaking down. Telissa, with increasing distress: My shuttle got grounded, gravity is wrong, my dance sucked - everything’s terrible!

DM: Door number one is labeled “Fun time” room. [long pause] Telissa, OOC: What’s door number three? Vekar, OOC: Wouldn’t you like to know! Telissa, OOC: I know, right? I would!

DM: You see sensors behind the desk that indicate when someone is there. Telissa: That’s probably not good. Hey, Vasir, maybe you shouldn’t stand there. Vasir, OOC: Vasir glances at Telissa and is like - Vasir: Okay...? Telissa: There’re sensors. Maybe it’ll kill you. I dunno. Vasir: Uh-huh.

DM: There’s also a service bell. One of those things that you ring to get people to the desk. Telissa, OOC: Oh, shit. Vasir, OOC: Vasir looks at it and is like “what the fuck is the point of this.” Telissa, OOC: Telissa hits it. Phos, OOC: Ding.

DM: It’s an animatronic. It’s about eight feet tall and it’s been shaped into the form of a bipedal cat wearing a lab coat. Vekar, OOC: Vekar shoots it instantly. Telissa, OOC: Telissa rings the bell. Vasir, OOC: Vasir is thinking of Muffy and how that - thing - is a horrible approximation of a cat, or a human cat, or whatever the hell it is. Telissa, OOC: Telissa hits the bell like five times in a row.

Kitty Cat: If you do not move from behind the desk, I am authorized to use force to do so. Telissa, OOC: Telissa makes direct eye contact with it and rings the bell. DM: Kitty Cat slaps the bell off of the desk. Telissa: How could you! I was using that! Vasir, OOC: Vasir eyes Telissa and moves away from her and out from behind the desk.

DM: Kitty Cat rolls to remove you from behind the desk. Telissa, OOC: Can I roll to seduce it? Vasir, OOC: Yes! DM: ... I’ll allow it.

Telissa, OOC: I didn’t expect to get this far. DM: Uh-huh. Telissa, OOC: No, I absolutely did not, I - I didn’t think you’d allow it. Can Telissa give it a hug? Can I roll to give it a hug?

Telissa: I don’t know why you smashed the bell, though. That was unnecessary. Kitty Cat: Well... you were overusing it. Telissa: Because no one was coming! Kitty Cat: It was a use of acceptable force. You saw me, and you rang it five times! That was excessive and unnecessary. Telissa: Fine, fine. Still.

in discord Vasir: vekar, phos and vasir and muffy watching this entire thing:

Phos: mood Telissa: i know right Telissa: telissa is just being held by this thing Telissa: asking questions Vasir: this is noveria 2.0

Telissa, OOC(?): I’m here to wreak havoc, y’all.

Kitty Cat: Wow, swear words are censored by my filter, but I sure wish I could use some right now.

Telissa, OOC: Does anyone want to do stuff? Because otherwise I’ll keep carrying on this charade.

Telissa, OOC: Do we even know who the traitor is yet? Like I don’t even know, I - I don’t - Vekar, OOC: We have a traitor‽ Phos, OOC and terribly convincing: Wait, we have a traitor? What? - What’s this about a traitor? [Telissa’s player], what?

Telissa, with misplaced enthusiasm: Who’s that? DM, distracted by typing to Phos: Um... yes. Telissa, with misplaced enthusiasm: Wow! That really didn’t answer my question! Who is that? Kitty Cat: That’s Nile Crocodile - Telissa, with more misplaced enthusiasm: That’s a terrible name! Go on! Kitty Cat: Yeah... we didn’t pick these names, but I really like Kitty Cat, so I’m happy with my name!

DM: Vekar looks at them, and, like, and goes through this kind of mind palace scene, where he just makes all of these connections and looking at all these things, and in his mind’s eye he sees, like, a taxonomy of human animals, and he’s looking at them, and he’s like, “Canidae. That’s what it is.” Vasir, OOC: Oh, shit, Latin, what’s up!

DM: What’s the word? Telissa, with increasing excitement: Grapple? Grab? Wrassle? Wrestling? Vasir, OOC: [starts humming this] DM, crosstalk: Tusslin’. Telissa, OOC, crosstalk: Tusslin’ - goddammit. Vasir, OOC: [laughs]

in discord: Telissa: please just remember that kitty cat is still holding telissa during all this DM: kitty cat is ok with that Phos: princess carrying telissa Telissa: le swoon

DM: Yeah, like, it’s like, this chain in which Crocodile grabs Vekar by the scruff of his neck and is then grabbed by Phos, and Crocodile looks at Phos and - it just looks really tired.

in discord: Vekar: HOW CAN AN ANIMATRONIC LOOK TIRED? Telissa: it's got droopy eyes or somethin Telissa: maybe its lights go out Vekar: fair

Telissa: [shoots Kitty Cat point-blank and misses] Telissa: I’m really sorry about that! Telissa, OOC: And then Telissa tries to book it.

Vasir, OOC: You’re backseat DM-ing! Telissa, OOC, smug: That’s what I do. Vasir, OOC: Bad [Telissa’s player]. No biscuits. Vekar, OOC: I thought you were supposed to be derailing this. Telissa, OOC: Oh, that’s true. Can I seduce the crocodile?

DM: ... And [the sheep animatronic]’s going to close the door behind itself because it’s not raised in a barn. And then it’s going to roll to attack - Telissa, OOC: Can I biotically charge it?

Vasir, OOC: Factor in shields before you just straight-up murder him. Vekar, OOC: Thank you, [Vasir’s player]. Vasir, OOC: I’m here for you, [Vekar’s player]. I’m your friend.

Telissa, OOC: “Explain yourself!” Telissa yells dramatically, and then biotically charges.

Phos, OOC: I’m gonna give it a taste of its own medicine. I’m gonna melee it. Telissa, OOC: Just gonna straight-up punch it? Phos, OOC: Yeah! Telissa, OOC: Nice. Stick it to the man. - Or the, uh, animatronic.

Telissa, OOC: How close is Phos to me? Phos, OOC: I don’t trust that sentence. Telissa, OOC: Listen. It’s fine. Phos, OOC: Hmm.

Telissa, OOC: [sneezes] Excuse me. DM: You’re not excused. Telissa, OOC: Oh. I’ll just - I’ll just go. [disconnects from voice channel]

Vekar, OOC: Vekar pulls out his assault rifle, takes a couple of shots... it’s neat. Telissa, OOC: Neat. Vasir, OOC: Yay.

in discord: Telissa: NEAT Vekar: NYET Telissa: no

Telissa, OOC: This isnt canon, right? So we’re all supposed to die anyway? DM: Oh, definite - I mean, you’re not all supposed to die. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You failed me. But it’s okay.

Telissa, OOC: Yeah, uh. Telissa gets stabbed. She just gives [Phos] a look. A very disappointed look - Phos, OOC: Oh. Telissa, OOC: A very, very disappointed look. And then she takes your wrist and pushes your hand away very gently. Phos, OOC, unbelievably convincing, also check out that word choice: Phos just looks a little bit sad. She’s a little disappointed in herself at this point.

in discord: Telissa: PHOS... GO BACK TO SCHOOL TO LEARN HOW TO NOT STAB YOUR FRIENDS Telissa: - telissa, probably Vekar: im pretty sure THAT's what you learn at school Telissa: didn't you

Telissa, OOC: Telissa drops a Nova. Phos, OOC: Don’t I have to roll a dex save to - Telissa, OOC: Yeah, get fucked, you just stabbed me! Karma! Phos, OOC: Oh, wow.

Vasir, OOC: Are you having fun yet, [Telissa’s player]? Telissa, OOC: Hell yeah, dude. I got to seduce an animatronic, and I just got stabbed, and now I get to have sweet, sweet vengeance.

DM: I would like to add a status update. Sheep is in bad condition. There are, like, leaks now on its exoskeleton stuff, and sparks. Well, not sparks, but it looks gnarly. Telissa, OOC: Someone have a water bottle?

Vasir, OOC: I feel bad. Vekar, OOC: Don’t. Don’t.

Telissa, OOC: Carry us, Vekar. Vekar, OOC: Someone has to do it. Telissa, OOC: Thank you, Vekar. Vasir, OOC: Because Kate isn’t here!

in discord: Telissa: SAVE US MEDIC Telissa: MEDIC Vasir: wait, thats me! thinks vekar

Telissa, OOC: Can I say Telissa picks up the bell, puts it back on the desk, and rings it again?

DM: Crocodile goes to attack Telissa. Telissa: Hell yeah, bring it! DM: It rolled an 18. Telissa, OOC: That hits! Bring it! DM: This is gonna be bad news for you, actually. Telissa: Great! I’m ready!

Vasir, OOC: So your shields are gone, then? Telissa, OOC: Well, most of my shields were already gone because of some fuck. Phos, OOC: [laughs]

Telissa, as she’s being shot: THIS IS FINE

Vasir, OOC: You know what it’s time for? Telissa, OOC: Seduce all the things! Vasir, OOC: It’s time for more elevatorstuck. Telissa, OOC: Oh, shit, you’re right. Vekar, OOC: I’m glad I didn’t open it. Vasir, OOC: Oh, come on, [Vekar’s player]! You’re a Homestuck, too. Vekar, OOC: ... Fine. I’ll look it up.

in discord: Vekar, OOC: Kitty cat is gonna fucking SMACKDOWN Phos

Telissa, OOC: We’re frickin’ walking advertisements for Space Tape. Vekar, OOC: It’ll pick up someday, and we’ll get royalties. Telissa, OOC: Damn.

Telissa: I’m such a dumbass!

Telissa: This sounds, uh, vaguely like a zombie apocalypse, but okay. Phos, OOC: How would Telissa know about zombies? Telissa, affronted: Hey, listen, I consume lots of media, okay? Shut the fuck up. Um... Vasir, OOC: [laughter] Telissa: Uh... Vasir, OOC: Vasir just starts laughing. Telissa, OOC: I try.

Vekar: Okay, guys, let’s fucking book it before the krogan kill us! Vasir: Good idea!

Telissa: Okay, so, so... wait, so the plan is to run, we find the cure, we give it to Phos, and then we run again? Telissa, OOC: Telissa is not having a good day. DM: Telissa’s having the worst day.

in discord: Vasir: vasir investigation check on the bracelets: 19-1=18 Telissa: uh, oh shit = really high, or really low Telissa: there is no in-between Vasir: yeah Vekar: two type of rolls Vekar: SET UP YOUR TRAP CARD Telissa: BELIEVE IN THE HEART OF THE ROLLS Vasir: NAT 20 +4 MODIFIER Vasir: fuck Vekar: i wish i could do photoshop to fucking put yugi with a "YOU TRIGGERED MY TRAP CARD" Vekar: but with a quarian helemt Phos:

Vasir, OOC: Well, [DM], can I try hacking them? DM: Try your best. Telissa, OOC: Wow. Vasir and DM: [laughter] DM: I’m being nice.

Telissa, OOC: [Phos]’s got a posse I hate my life did I break down the door? Did I break down the door? DM: Yeah, no, you don’t get it.

Telissa, in different inflections: We’re fucked! We’re fucked! We’re fucked! We’re fucked! We’re fucked! Muffy: [rolls a crit intimidate] Telissa, OOC: Telissa shuts the fuck up.

Telissa, OOC: [goes through the rules for healing, which included a lot of numbers and calculations] Telissa, OOC: I’ll leave it up to you, [DM]. DM: I have no idea what you just said. I was staring into the void. I heard numbers and my soul left my body. Telissa, OOC: Oookay! I’ll just do my thing then. Hold on.

in discord: Vasir: let us never forget beetles trickshot thru phos's legs Telissa: too bad beetle isn't here Vasir: yeah Vasir: but shes here in spirit Vasir: because fisk Telissa: telissa, if she survives this: i am literally going to kill beetle when i see her again Telissa: telissa: no questions asked i am going to fucking strangle her Vekar: vekar: Not if i get beetle first Phos: mood Telissa: telissa: we'll take turns Vekar: vekar: fair

Telissa, OOC: The player’s weapon launches a single, high-powered projectile wait a fucking minute. Phos, OOC: What? Telissa, OOC: Wait a fucking minute. I have a grenade launcher, I forgot about that. Vasir, OOC: Wow.

in discord: Vekar: Telissa with a blowhorn  sound behind her: GET FUCKED

Vasir, OOC: Watch Phos or Kitty Cat or Nile get a nat twenty and make your armor explode and kill all of us. Vekar, OOC: Wow, [Vasir’s player]. So much for being my friend. Vasir, OOC: Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just saying it could happen.

Vasir, OOC: What was the sheep animatronic’s name? Telissa, OOC, in a weirdly low voice: Sheeeeeeeep. DM: It was Sheep. Cloviss didn’t take creative until later models. Telissa, OOC: ‘Creative’ is a relative term, of course. Vasir, OOC: Yeah.

DM: You kill Kitty Cat. Kity Cat is dead. Telissa, OOC(?): FUCKING FINALLY.

in discord: Vekar: THANK GOD

DM: Crocodile is dead. Telissa, OOC(?): Finallyyyyyyyy. Vekar, OOC: Now only the big, mean krogan is left. Telissa, OOC(?): We’re fuuuuuucked!

Telissa, OOC: Here’s my thought, here’s what I was going to do originally: we should find the cure! And then cure [Phos]. Can we though? Can we actually? Like can we do that without you fucking killing us? Is it possible? Phos, OOC: Well, [the station] is going to explode anyway once I die, so. Telissa, OOC: Oh, that’s right. So we’re fucked anyway, we should go find the cure! What am I doing! DM: I love the process of thinking about things for two seconds. Telissa, OOC: Listen. I used all of my brainpower today on other stuff. DM: That’s fair. Telissa, OOC: I am one-hundred percent out of brainpower.

Vasir, OOC: I’m back. Did someone die while I was gone? Vekar, OOC: Crocodile did. Vasir, OOC: Oh. Well. How ‘bout that.

Telissa, OOC: We can freeze her and then just run willy-nilly through the other rooms. Vekar, OOC, after a pause: That sounds like my kind of plan. Telissa, OOC: Awesome. Let’s do it.

Phos, OOC: [calculating damage] so that’s 8. Telissa, OOC: Hm. Phos, OOC: That’s a pretty weak Carnage. Vasir, OOC, getting shot with this: I’m not complaining.

Telissa, OOC: [Muffy] basically has the equivalent of Vicious Mockery, I just want you to know that.

Telissa, OOC: [rolls a 3] Oh. Whoopsies. Vekar, OOC: There’s never anything good with ‘whoopsies’.

Vasir, OOC: I guess Telissa, ilke, counter-charges? Telissa, OC: Yeah, yeah, Telissa sees this about to happen and she’s like “nooope.” Just like rams [Phos] headfirst. Vekar, OOC: De-nied!

Telissa: You’re not like this, Phos! Be strong! Be strong for mother!

in discord: [party decides who gets to kill Beetle first] Telissa: rock-paper-scissors: 11 Phos: rock-paper-scissors = 13 Vekar: rock paper scissors = 13 Vekar: rock paper scissors = 18 Phos: rock-paper-scissors = 5 Vekar: YES Vekar: GET READY BEETLE Telissa: telissa: THIS SUCKS Vekar: As soon as we see beetle again im gonna spin her around in her heelies and and THEN SUPPLEX HER TO THE GROUND

in discord: Vekar: Vekar at telesa: "The fuck?" Telissa: telissa: FIGHT ME

Phos: What - what happened? Telissa, OOC: I slap her. Phos: Wh-what? Telissa, OOC: I slap her again.

Number of times Vekar’s player says “Vekar follows”: 4 Number of times Space Tape™ is typed or said: 13 Number of times Telissa pats Kitty Cat’s cheek: 5 Number of times animatronics rolled below 15: 8 Number of times Telissa rings the service bell: 7 Number of times Telissa says “we’re fucked”: 11 Number of times someone backseat-DMs: 14 Number of times Telissa slaps Phos: 4 Number of times the DM apologizes: 31

technical notes

Roll for ass. 1d20 → 7 Annos’s ass is average.

The party looks around the shuttle bay. Investigation check. 1d20 + perception modifier.

Phos → 16 + 4 → 20 Vekar → 10 - 4 → 6 Vasir → 3 - 1 → 2 Telissa → 1 + 0 → 1

Telissa becomes convinced that the station’s gravitational orientation is incorrect, while Vasir tries to push a door open multiple times, disregarding the button right next to it. Vekar notes that he is in a room. Phos locates a datapad and notes that no one has been here recently.

Telissa goes back to school. 1d20 → 17 Telissa goes back to school and acquires a college diploma in not stabbing her friends.

Phos reads the datapad. Technical roll. 1d20 + technical roll → 6 - 2 → 4 Phos almost breaks the datapad trying to read it.

Vekar reads the datapad. Technical roll. 1d20 + technical roll → 15 + 1 → 16 Vekar snatches the datapad from Phos and turns it out.

Telissa thinks back on what she knows of Cloviss. Knowledge roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier → 11 + 0 → 11 Telissa knows Cloviss Bowmer is a celebrated figure in chemistry, robotics, and AI. She is also the inventor of Space Tape.

The party enters the decontamination chamber. Random number generator. Phos is infected with the nanopoison, compelling her to kill her teammates.

Telissa dances. Acrobatics roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier + proficiency bonus → 4 + 2 + 1 → 7 Telissa’s dance is a fusion between the macarena and the sprinkler. It’s a little awkward for everyone involved, especially after she makes direct eye contact with everyone in the room.

Everyone checks their sanity. Sanity roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier.

Phos → 20 + 0 → 20 Vekar → 12 + 3 → 15 Vasir → 6 - 1 → 5 Telissa → 4 + 0 → 4

Telissa is near tears. Vasir is near catatonic. Vekar is fine. Phos has been enlightened (with nanopoison).

Telissa examines Cloviss’s door. Investigation roll. 1d20 + perception roll.

Telissa → 18 + 0 → 18 Vasir → 11 - 1 → 10 Vekar → 13 - 4 → 9 Phos → 2 + 4 → 6

Telissa notices sensors behind the desk and a camera pointed at the desk. Vasir notes footsteps in the scattered dirt from a potted plant and deduces that there was an elcor here at some point. Vekar and Phos don’t pick up on anything of note.

Telissa seduces Kitty Cat. 1d20 → 15 Telissa successfully seduces Kitty Cat by putting her hands on its face, staring it in the eye, and winking at it.

Telissa hugs Kitty Cat. 1d20 → 12 Telissa gives Kitty Cat an average hug, nothin’ special.

Telissa persuades Kitty Cat to tell her where to find the executive code. Persuasion roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier → 12 + 0 → 12 Kitty Cat says, “No.”

Telissa frees herself from Kitty Cat’s grip. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 15 + 2 → 17

Kitty Cat contests. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 16 + 2 → 18 Kitty Cat successfully contests.

Kitty Cat pulls Telissa from behind the desk, who proceeds to slump in its arms and draw the word “no” out to an almost obscene length.

Vekar sneaks behind the desk. Stealth roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 15 + 2 → 17 Vekar sneaks behind the desk, but he trips the sensors in the process.

Nile the Crocodile grabs Vekar from behind the desk. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 2

Vekar contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 3 + 2 → 5 Vekar successfully contests.

Vekar evades Nile’s grip.

The party parses the note Phos had found on the desk. Knowledge roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier.

Vekar → 18 + 3 → 21 Vasir → 6 - 1 → 5 Telissa → 3 + 0 → 3

Vekar realizes that all the creatures on the note Phos found are in the Canidae family.

Telissa goes back to school. 1d20 → 2 Telissa drops out of high school with lots of student debt. Her college diploma is rescinded.

SEE FIRST FIGHT NOTES

Telissa figures out the executive code. She yells out three things in rapid succession: “fox, wolf, jackal, coyote, dingo”, “Canidae”, and “F-W-J-C-D”. One of these causes the animatronics to stop fighting them, albeit temporarily.

The DM drops a shitload of exposition. Telissa asks many questions of the animatronics, now that they are subdued. Vasir learns that there is a cure for the nanopoison somewhere in the facility.

SEE SECOND FIGHT NOTES

Telissa shoots the door with her grenade launcher. Attack roll. 1d20 → 16 The door collapses; Phos is temporarily trapped in the testing room.

Vasir hacks Cloviss’s door. Decryption roll. 1d20 + technical modifier → 13 + 4 → 17 Vasir opens the door to the private quarters.

DM notes: Considering Telissa actually rolled a perception check on the door itself, the fact there was a console near it should have definitely come up sooner.

Telissa listens to see if there’s anyone behind the door. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier → 10 + 0 → 10 Telissa can’t hear anyone.

Telissa, Vekar, and Vasir exploer the room. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier.

Vasir → 17 - 1 → 16 Vekar → 13 + 3 → 16 Telissa → 3 + 0 → 3

Vasir and Vekar find the directions to make the cure to the nanopoison, as well as a note that says there is a dose of the cure on Clovis

Telissa, Vekar, and Vasir try to synthesize the cure. Knowledge roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier.

Vekar → 19 + 3 → 22 Telissa → 16 + 0 → 16 Vasir → 4 - 1 → 3

Vekar successfully synthesizes the cure.

SEE THIRD FIGHT NOTES

Telissa shoots Cloviss on sight. Attack roll. 1d20  → 15 This is sufficient to hit.

Telissa shoots Clovis and kills her.

Vasir checks out the room. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier → 18 - 1 → 17 Vasir finds the painting by the elcor artist Forta on the wall, which Telissa proceeds to shoot up. They also find the key that will allow them to open the shuttle bay doors.

FIRST FIGHT

Nile the Crocodile grabs Vekar from behind the desk. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 17

Vekar contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifer → 5 + 2 → 7 Vekar fails to contest.

Nile grabs Vekar and pulls him away from the desk.

Phos pulls Vekar from Nile’s grip. Strength check. 1d20 + strength modifier → 19 + 4 → 23 Phos grabs Nile the Crocodile, which causes it to lose its grip on Vekar. Vekar escapes unscathed.

Phos ties up Nile the Crocodile with space tape. Strength check. 1d20 + strength modifier → 10 + 4 → 14

Nile the Crocodile contests. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 10 Nile fails to contest.

Phos ties Nile the Crocodile up with tape, though she insists on calling it “pacify” instead of “tying”.

Telissa shoots Kitty Cat. Attack roll. 1d20 → 13 This is not sufficient to hit.

Telissa misses a shot point-blank. Kitty Cat is disappointed in their short-lived relationship.

Telissa escapes Kitty Cat’s grip. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 14 + 2 → 16

Kitty Cat contests. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 13 + 3 → 16 Kitty Cat successfully contests.

Telissa almost escapes, but Kitty Cat grabs her ankle at the last second.

Vasir hacks Kitty Cat. AI Hack roll. 1d20 + technical modifier + proficiency bonus → 14 + 4 + 1 → 19 Vasir successfully hacks Kitty Cat, immobilizing it.

Nile the Crocodile realizes that Kitty Cat has been hacked. Perception check. 1d20 + perception modifier → unknown Nile the Crocodile realizes what’s happened to Kitty Cat.

Vekar hacks Nile the Crocodile. AI Hack roll. 1d20 + technical modifier → 20 + 1 → 21 Vekar successfully hacks Nile the Crocodile, immobilizing it.

Sheep realizes its friends are in danger. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifer → unknown Sheep knows Kitty Cat and Nile the Crocodile have been hacked, despite not being in the same room.

Sheep melees Vekar. Attack roll. 1d20 → 20 Crit.

Damage. 1d8 x 2 → 7 x 2 → 14 Vekar takes 14 points of damage.

The party rolls initiative. 1d20.

Phos → 12 Telissa → 9 Vasir → 5 Vekar → 3

Telissa charges Sheep. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is enough to do damage.

Damage roll. 1d10 → 10 Telissa hits Sheep for 10 points of damage.

Nile the Crocodile unhacks Kitty Cat. AI Hack roll. 1d20 + technical modifier → 18 Nile successfully unhacks Kitty Cat.

Kitty Cat is added to the order.

Phos stabs Sheep. Attack roll. 1d20 → 15 This is not sufficient to hit.

Phos tries to stab Sheep over the desk, but Sheep dodges out of the way.

Vasir uses Overload on Sheep. Attack roll. 1d10 1d20 → 5 This is not sufficient to hit.

Vasir’s program misses Sheep entirely.

DM notes: Vasir’s player should have been allowed to reroll a d10, especially since this was clarified directly after the roll.

Vekar uses Cryo Blast on Sheep. Attack roll. 1d10 → 7 This is sufficient to hit.

Sheep resists Cryo. Dexterity saving throw. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 17

DM notes: Vekar should have rolled damage.

Sheep is not frozen.

Kitty Cat untapes Nile the Crocodile. AI Hack roll. 1d20 + technical modifier → 13 Kitty Cat successfully untapes Nile the Crocodile.

Sheep melees Phos. Attack roll. 1d20 → 9 This is not sufficient to hit.

Sheep’s punch misses Phos completely.

Phos melees Sheep. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 1d8 → 3 Sheep takes 3 points of damage.

Telissa shoots at Sheep with her pistol. Attack roll. 1d20 → 14 This is not sufficient to hit.

Telissa’s shot goes wide.

Vasir uses Energy Drain on Sheep. Attack roll. 1d10 1d20 → 17 This is sufficient to hit.

DM notes: somehow this went from hitting and doing damage to missing entirely. It would have been fairer to do some kind of improvisation for damage, despite the wrong die was rolled.

Vekar shoots Sheep with his assault rifle. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 3d4 → 3 + 3 + 2 → 8 Vekar shoots Sheep for 8 points of damage.

Kitty Cat realizes Nile the Crocodile has been hacked. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier → unknown Kitty Cat notices that Nile the Crocodile has been hacked.

Kitty Cat unhacks Nile the Crocodile. AI Hack roll. 1d20 + technical modifier → unknown Kitty Cat fails to unhack Sheep.

Sheep melees Vekar. Attack roll. 1d20 → 19 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 1d8 → 4 Vekar takes 4 points of damage.

Phos melees Sheep. Attack roll. 1d20 → 2 This is not sufficient to hit. Phos hits Telissa instead.

Damage roll. 1d8 → 7 Telissa takes 7 points of damage.

DM notes: This was very cool and sneaky, but since it’s a 2 and not a crit fail, Telissa’s armor class should have been taken into consideration.

Telissa drops a Nova. Attack roll. 1d20 → 20 Crit.

Phos contests. Dexterity saving throw. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 19 + 2 → 21 Against a nat20, this is only a partial save.

Sheep contests. Dexterity saving throw. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → unknown Sheep fails to save.

Damage roll. 2d4 x 2 → 7 x 2 → 14 Telissa deals 14 points of damage to Sheep and 7 points of damage to Phos. Both are prone.

DM notes: it was promptly forgotten that Sheep and Phos were prone.

Vasir uses Sabotage on Sheep. Attack roll. 1d10 → 8 This is sufficient to hit.

Sheep is killed when the program hits.

Kitty Cat frees Nile the Crocodile from the Space Tape. Attack roll. 1d20 → unknown Kitty Cat frees Nile from the Space Tape.

Vekar shoots Kitty Cat. Attack roll. 1d20 → 17 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 3d4 → 11 Kitty Cat takes 11 points of damage.

Kitty Cat unhacks Nile the Crocodile. AI Hack roll. 1d20 + technical roll → unknown Kitty Cat successfully unhacks Nile.

DM notes: Vekar hacked Nile with a nat20; that should have been taken into consideration, especially if Kitty Cat hadn’t rolled a crit.

Nile the Crocodile is added to the order.

Nile the Crocodile attacks Telissa. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 2d8 → 14 Telissa takes 14 points of damage.

Phos wrassles Kitty Cat. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 5 + 4 → 9

Kitty Cat contests. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 20 Kitty Cat successfully contests.

Phos does not manage to subdue Kitty Cat, who retaliates.

ADDITIONAL ACTION: Kitty Cat subdues Kitty Cat. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 15

Phos contests. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 7 + 4 → 11 Phos fails to contest.

Vasir, OOC, in discord: Get Space Taped™!

SECOND FIGHT

Phos shoots Vekar with her shotgun. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 2d8 → 10 Vekar takes 10 points of damage.

Cloviss notices the animatronics have been given the executive code. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier → 20 Cloviss rescinds the executive code; the animatronics are hostile again and join forces with Phos.

Vekar uses Cryo Blast. Attack roll. 1d20 → 20 Crit.

Phos is frozen solid.

Vasir and Vekar runs past Nile the Crocodile. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier.

Vasir → 17 + 1 → 18 Vekar → 16 + 2 → 18

Nile contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 14 Nile fails to contest.

Vasir and Vekar slip past Nile into the testing chambers.

The party looks around the testing rooms. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier.

Telissa → 13 + 0 → 13 Vasir → 10 - 1 → 9 Vekar → 9 - 4 → 5

Telissa notices the testing bracelets are wired to deliver an electric shock.

Vasir checks out the bracelets. Investigation roll. 1d20 + perception modifier → 18 - 1 → 17 Vasir realizes they could possibly weaponize the bracelets.

Vasir hacks into the bracelets. Hacking roll. 1d20 + technical modifier → 20 + 4 → 24 Vasir successfully weaponizes the bracelets so that they deliver a powerful electric shock upon contact.

Telissa breaks down the testing door. Strength roll. 1d20 + strength modifier → 15 + 2 → 17 Telissa doesn’t manage to break down the door.

Vekar uses Cryo Blast on the door. Attack roll. 1d10 → 8 Vekar hits the door and reduces its structural integrity.

Telissa biotically charges the door. Attack roll. 1d20 → 14 This is not enough to break down the door.

Phos steps on the electrified bracelets. Damage roll. 1d8 x crit → 6 x 2 → 12 Phos takes 12 points of damage.

Vekar heals Telissa. Effectiveness roll. 1d20 → 10 Healing will be 2d4.

Healing roll. 2d4 x Medicine talent → 8 x 2 → 16 Telissa is healed fully.

The party rolls initiative. 1d20.

Vasir → 14 Phos → 11 Telissa → 11 Vekar → 10

Nile the Crocodile shoots Vekar. Attack roll. 1d20 → 16 This is suficient to hit.

Damage roll. 2d8 → 16 Vekar takes 16 points of damage and falls unconscious.

Vekar rolls a death saving throw. 1d20 → 14 Vekar saves successfully.

Vasir uses Incinerate on Phos. Attack roll. 1d10 → 1 Vasir takes 3 points of damage.

Phos shoots Vasir with her assault rifle. Attack roll. 1d20 → 7 This is not sufficient to hit.

Phos’s shot goes wide.

Muffy intimidates Telissa into shutting up. Intimidation roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier → 20 Telissa is cowed and shuts up whenever Muffy so much as looks in her direction.

Telissa revives Vekar using some of his medi-gel. Revive roll. 1d20 → 20

Healing roll. 4d4 → 4 + 3 + 4 + 1 → 12 Telissa successfully revives Vekar and heals him for 12 points of health.

Vekar stands up.

Kitty Cat melees Vekar. Attack roll. 1d20 → 11 This is not sufficient to hit.

Vekar ducks under the blow.

Nile the Crocodile shoots Vasir. Attack roll. 1d20 → 2 This is not sufficient to hit.

Crocodile’s shot goes wide.

Vasir shoots Phos with their pistol. Attack roll. 1d20 → 4 This is not sufficient to hit.

Vasir’s shot goes wide.

Free action. Vasir commiserates with Nile.

DM notes: we almost skipped Vasir’s turn here.

Phos shoots Telissa with her shotgun. Attack roll. 1d20 → 7 This is not sufficient to hit.

Phos’s shot goes wide.

Telissa shoots at the enemy party with her grenade launcher. Attack roll. 1d20 → 15

Phos, Nile the Crocodile, and Kitty Cat dodge. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier.

Kitty Cat → 19 Phos → 15 + 2 → 17 Crocodile → 7

Damage roll. 5d6 → 2 + 4 + 3 + 6 + 4 → 19 Nile takes 19 points of damage.

Vekar activates Tech Armor. Effectiveness roll. 1d20 → 20 Vekar gains 20 additional health points. Upon depletion, the tech armor will explode for 2d6 damage.

Kitty Cat disarms Telissa. Dexterity roll. 1d20 → 16 + 2 → 18

Telissa contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 → 17 + 2 → 19 Telissa successfully contests.

Telissa yells, “MINE,” and bats Kitty Cat away.

Nile the Crocodile shoots Vekar. Attack roll. 1d20 → 6 This is not sufficient to hit.

Nile’s shot goes wide.

Vasir uses Incinerate on Kitty Cat. Attack roll. 1d10 → 2 Vasir‘s Incinerate fizzles out and takes 1d6 → 4 points of damage.

Phos shoots Telissa with her shotgun. Attack roll. 1d20 → 12 This is not sufficient to hit.

Telissa shoots Kitty Cat with her pistol. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 2d4 → 6 Kitty Cat takes 6 points of damage and is killed.

Vekar shoots Nile the Crocodile with his assault rifle. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 3d4 → 9 Nile the Crocodile takes 9 points of damage and is killed.

Vasir shoots Phos with their pistol. Attack roll. 1d20 → 8 This is not sufficient to hit.

Vasir’s shot goes wide.

Phos shoots Vasir with Carnage. Attack roll. 1d20 → 18 This is sufficient to hit.

Damage roll. 2d8 + Carnage (2d8) → 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 → 8 Vasir takes 8 points of damage.

Telissa runs past Phos. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 11 + 2 → 3

Phos contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 10 + 2 → 12 Phos fails to contest.

Telissa slips by Phos back into the main lobby.

Vekar uses Cryo Blast on Phos. Attack roll. 1d10 → 8 Phos is partially frozen.

Phos charges Vekar.

Telissa biotically charges Phos. Attack roll. 1d20 → 17 Damage roll. 1d8 → 8

Phos contests. Attack roll. 1d20 → 6 Damage roll. 1d8 → 3

Telissa charges Phos, stopping her from atacking Vekar. Both take damage.

Vekar injects Phos with the cure. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 18 + 2 → 20

Phos contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 18 + 2 → 20 Phos successfully contests.

Vekar and Phos struggle on the floor, neither of them gaining an upper hand.

Vasir injects Phos with the cure. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 20 + 1 → 21

Phos contests. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 9 + 2 → 11 Phos fails to contest.

Vasir grabs the cure from Vekar and injects Phos with it.

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