#100% not fair for him... poor poor bb

[sexybagels-masa]

Made this joke thing the other day

I'll draw normal Tim again, I swear

The ducks are so cute :<<

[ifonlyweknewwhatiwasdoing]

WIP Wednesday: A/B/O JastObiKal

This fic is in the editing stages and this scene is by far one of my favourite scenes. I'm 100% headcannoning bb!Fox as a grumpy, bitey toddler for the rest of my life and no one can stop me.

CW: Omegaverse, including mpreg (they are biologically Obi-Wan's children). This scene is between Kal, Fox, and Cody, who are twins.

“Put the sippy cup down, Fox,” Kal said sharply, not looking up until he heard the boy slam it on the table. He raised a brow at the boy, and Fox’s eyes narrowed as he looked at him. Kal turned to the wide-eyed omega, giving her a tight smile, “My younger pup really hates omegas he doesn’t know, so in the interest of keeping yourself bruise-free, I’d suggest cooing at Cody. He hasn’t thrown anything, to my knowledge.” She blinked at him, stepping away from Fox as the pup bared his teeth at her. “Hey, we do not bare our teeth at people, Fox,” Kal told the toddler, “You are not a wild fox. You’re domesticated.” Fox frowned at him. “Wild!” he screeched. “Wild foxes hunt for their food. They don’t get muffins,” Kal said mildly, and Fox’s eyes widened. “Not wild!” he declared, and Kal huffed out a laugh as the omega started to coo at Cody. “Oh, I see how it is. You only like going out with your buir because it means you get whatever the muffin of the day is,” Kal said, “I guess that’s fair. They are pretty good muffins.” “Buir!” Fox screamed, grinning wildly at Kal, “Buir! Buir! Buir! Buir!" “Right here, Foxy,” Kal murmured, “No need to worry. I’m not going anywhere without my pups.” “How old?” the omega asked, looking over her shoulder at Kal. “Twenty-two months,” Kal replied, “They are about four minutes apart.” “Awww, you’re adorable,” she said to Cody, “Do you like being a tooka?” “Buir!” Kal looked at Fox’s sour look as the boy crossed his arms, looking over at Cody and then back at him. “Yes, Fox’ika?” he asked. “Buirrrrrrrr,” Fox whined with a pout, kicking as he reached for his brother, armed in one hand with his sippy cup. Kal barely caught it before Fox could launch it at the poor, unsuspecting omega, who jerked back as she realized what was happening. Kal knelt down in front of the boy with a stern look. “You cannot throw things at people,” Kal scolded, “You need to stop it, Fox. This is getting out of hand. You smell like your mommy. I smell like your mommy. Do you see this bite?” He bared his neck to Fox, and Fox’s shoulders fell even as he nodded. “Your mommy put that bite there,” Kal murmured, “So even if we don’t see each other for a few days, we’re still going to smell like each other unless we’re apart for a very long time. Just because another omega walks up doesn’t mean we aren’t going home to mommy. Do you understand me?” Fox’s bottom lip started to quiver—though Kal thought it might be more that the boy knew he’d done something he wasn’t supposed to rather than a complete understanding of what was going on—and Kal picked him up, scenting the boy as he tucked him against his chest. Fox curled up against Kal immediately, sticking his thumb in his mouth as Kal held him tight. “You, your brother, and your mama are stuck with us,” Kal said firmly. It doesn’t matter if someone else wants to say hello; they are staying here, and we are going home.” “Buir,” Fox mumbled around his thumb. “Yes, your buir,” Kal repeated, pointing to himself, “Cody and Fox’s buir. Mommy’s mate.” He pointed to the omega, “Stranger, who thinks you are adorable in your fox onesie. Understand?”

[antisociallilbrat]

Poly Losers Publicity

This is an idea, a back bone of a fic that I'm never going to write so I'm putting it here. If you want to write it, go ahead. I just need to get these brain worms out of my head. This is from my Poly Losers Au.

So like Richie, Bev, and Bill are all relatively famous? Richie is a famous comedian (who I headcannon him being on SNL at one point in his career) and then you have Bev who is a famous fashion designer? Like her work rivals Gucci and other major fashion brands. Then you have Bill who is like the horror novelist, who always has his books being adapted into movies.

So anyways the public is nosy and wants to know who's banging who. Richie, Bill, and Bev, along with the other Losers have decided to keep their relationship a secret. Yeah being gay/bi is okay but they don't want to have to explain why they're in a relationship of seven people. Bev, Richie, and Bill handle this in many different ways. Bev just deflects any relationship questions in interviews and Richie jokes that he's a whore and no one will date him. (Stan and Eddie give him so much shit over that bit) and Bill,,,poor bb flounders.

Bill likes to dedicate his books to his lovers. Each book he writes has a dedication that says something like: "To my lover who watches the birds", or "To my lover that is sun on earth", and naturally people ask who this lover is in interviews. And Bill just doesn't know how to lie so the general public just thinks that Bill's lover is a multifaceted person who loves to grow plants, bird watches, work on cars, and also writes poetry.

This all works for a while until Bill is caught in public holding hands with Ben. Magazines blow up like :"Is this the lover of many talents?? World Renowned architect Ben Hanscom??" so now they just let the public think Bill is dating just Ben. Also Bill and Richie got an argument over it that went like:

Richie: "This is so not fair, why do you get Ben?"

Bill: "It's not like I was trying to get caught!"

Richie: "Well if you get Ben then I get Mike!"

Bill: "Fine."

Richie: "Fine!"

Bill: "Fine!"

On Richie's next stand up he tells everyone he's dating this cute librarian named Mike and like with Bill, the press eats that up.

But fans are crazy right? Like they had a working theory that Richie was actually dating this high end accountant (Stanley) bc Richie had been spotted with him a couple times at fancy parties. (Stanley is a slut for fancy parties and Richie only goes to the ones he's invited to bc he knows Stan will enjoy it) But some other fans had a theory that Richie was dating high end fashion designer Beverly Marsh. Because Richie only ever wears her clothes on stage or in interviews. Plus they've been spotted being flirty before at award shows. So fans are a little confused when Richie announces he's dating a humble librarian.

But remember fans are crazy so it doesn't take long for them to figure out that Bill Denbrough also only ever wears suits out of the Beverly Marsh brand. Which is strange bc Bill and Richie have very much a bickering banter in the spotlight. So they're all left wondering, what does this all mean?

Because yes Bev avoids relationship questions but she always has the same guy with her as her 'date' at events. A man not much taller than her and he's been seen reassuring her at her runway shows. Calming down her anxiety. (Eddie is 100% Bev's unofficial manager and I like to think that Bev's fashion is her and Eddie's thing. He's the one who goes to all her shows.)

So at this point fans are going crazy. They have Bill who is dating the famous architect but has written too many dedications for it just be about Ben. Also some fans 'ship' Bill and Richie bc of how they play fight through the press.

Then there's Richie who is dating the "Librarian" Mike Hanlon, but also Richie has been spotted with at like Galas with one of the best accountants in the business, Stanley Uris and he constantly flirts with Bev in the public eye.

But Richie and Bill both exclusively wear Beverly Marsh. And Bev who avoids relationship questions but is seen with the same man at shows, who the fans had pieced together is Eddie Kaspbrack. Someone who owns a predominant limousine company in New York.

And this all falls apart after one particular award show, Bill's book turned Movie won an oscar, and the Losers were out celebrating at what they thought was a private party....only to wake up the next morning and see all hell break loose. There are photos of Richie making out with Bill and Ben. There's a couple photos of Bev scandalously dancing with Richie's librarian boyfriend, Mike. Then to top it off Eddie and Stan are spotted sneaking away from said party. Two people with romantic links to Bev and Richie.

The internet blows up.

Richie tweets out the next day: "So I see you've guys have met my lovers. Yes, plural. Told you I was a whore."

I honestly feel like this has been down before, and if it has please let me know. I just can't get this particular version out of my head.

[duckymcdoorknob]

HELLO HOW DID I NOT REALIZE WE COULD BE SMTH LIKE MUSICAL MUTUALS I'M SO DUMB I NEVER REALLY CHECKED YOUR FANDOM LIST- hi ehe would you do tkl hcs for jack and spot from newsies? (platonic or not idc) no worries if not hope u have a good time rn 💛

100% doing movie Spot and Jack

Is this biased bc I find movie Spot enamoring? Maybe

BUT we don’t see a lot of Spot in the stage

Soooooo

who has the cutest tickle laugh?

SPOT SPOT SPOT SPOT

PLSSS HES JUST-

He starts with heavy breathing, then snickers and then just giggles

Jack knows exactly where to go to get him to just giggle (spoiler alert it’s his ears)

what are their tickle spots?

From least to most ->

Spot: Ears, Neck, Stomach, KNEES

Jack: Palms, Calves, Ribs, SIDES.

who is ticklish in unusual places and where would that be?

Imma give it to good ol’ Jackie boy.

Jack is ticklish on his palms, biceps, calves etc.

Spot has his fair share: ears and tops of his feet.

But jack just wins with the unusual spots.

who gets cheer-up tickles?

This one is a toughie.

I’m gonna go wiiiiiith-

Jack.

Jack really only sees Spot when he needs dire assistance.

So naturally, Spot knows something is going to be very wrong.

He lets Jack vent and eventually just gives his sides a tweak to get him to smile.

“C’mon Jackie boy, you’s can’t be all mopey like ‘dat and not ‘spect this!”

do either of them try to hide their ticklishness?

Yes

And it’s both

And it’s 100% reputation based.

Jack has a reputation to uphold amongst his boys.

Their fearless leader is not able to get taken down by such a measly, childish thing.

Except he is

Spot also has to uphold his reputation amongst the Brooklyn Newsies.

Spot fears no god, nor no man.

god complex boy cannot be weak to something like tickles, no sir.

Except if you squeeze his knee he’s a goner

who takes advantage of the other one getting their arms stuck while taking off their shirt?

Oh Jack 100%

He’s so mean to Spot

So mean

how did they discover each other’s ticklishness?

This one was tricky too

I’d say...

Jack -> Spot: Jack found out when he was hoisting spot up as a lookout during the rally. He dug into bb’s stomach a liiiittle too hard then-

Spot -> Jack: Spot found out when Jack visited him with Specs and Davey! To get Jack to cool down, Davey gave him a few pinches to the sides. This awoke something in Spot right away. Great job Dave you created a monster.

who can’t take tickle bites/raspberries?

SPOT

Bb is so ticklish on his stomach that just a single raspberry just floors him

Height difference = comparative advantage for Jack. He just hoists Spot by the hips, pulls him up to face level and goes for it.

who has to be tickle-forced out of bed in the morning?

In general, I’d say Jack.

He just does not give me morning person vibes whatsoever.

Spot has to resort to drastic measures more often than not.

who initiates tickle fights?

Jaaaaacky boy for sure.

He is a firm believer of winning the game called “How much can I piss off Spot Conlon before he retaliates?”

Who gives up in tickle fights?

Neither!!!!!! They are both fearless leaders who cannot be taken down by such a childish weakness!!

It’s Jack

Spot always has pent up rage from Jack’s initiation that he just gets a boost

who is in danger of getting hurt when attacking the other?

Jack 10000%

Jack himself is very careful not to injure the poor kid. So he like glues his limbs to the floor.

Spot on the other hand does not give any shits and just w r i t h e s

who always provokes the other into tickling them and how?

See “Who initiates tickle fights”

[multiplefandomsblog]

your roommate hcs are so cute, can i request for naib, demi, tracy, andrew, kurt, patricia, and victor?

:0 holy crap yes! I’m so glad you enjoyed the roommate hcs!! Me and the other mods hope you enjoy these! Thank you for requesting :))

(i added melly because why not? lmao hope you don’t mind.)

Part 1!

Naib Subedar

This man deadass didn’t know you were living with him

Even when people told him about it, he wasn’t rlly paying attention and didn’t rlly care

Your stuff in his room? He thought it was his or someone just broke into his room and left it there

When he saw you on the toilet however, he just freaked out.

“Why the hell are you shitting in my room!?” “Your room? I’ve been living here for 2 months!”

Once he found out you lived with him, he made sure you knew what was his and what was yours

also, since he’s very protective of his things-- you being one of them-- he would totally get jealous if he caught you tallking to someone that wasn’t him.

he would probably give you the silent treatment and act like a pissy baby

He hates it when you touch his stuff

especially his photos, the photos were special to him because they were of him and his army friends.

You’d sometimes catch him looking at the photos with a longing in his eyes, it was highkey sad.

having you live with him meant lots and lots of training

he made sure you were always prepared for matches and that you don’t get downed early

when you got downed early however, He would scold you but he would still rescue you anyways because he’s soft

“You’re such an idiot, you’d better do better next time! Or else I’ll kick your ass.” 

one time he got cocky while kiting because you were watching him

he forgot to turn on his elbow pads and face palmed into the wall.

“...You saw nothing.” He turned around, a bit woozy from hitting his head on a wall. He flipped the hunter off before stumbling wooshing away

When you first get to know naib, he’d probably come off as intimidating and menacing

but once you get to know him--the real him--, you start to understand that even though he may be tough on you, its because he wants you to be the best

he has good intentions

During matches he’d let you handle yourself and made sure you didn’t rely on him too much

One time you needed to shower but you ran out of your shampoo so you used his.

When he questioned you, you simply responded “What? You don’t need it anyways, you’re bald!”

He didn’t rescue you the next round.

should’ve seen that coming

though he forgives you when you braid his luscious long existent hair for him

Kurt Frank

The amount of times you almost stepped on this man is astronomical.

he would constantly be in his tiny form because he would lose a lot of his things

his tiny form helped him find his things easily

Though when you first moved in with him, you had no idea what his ability was

so when you first saw a tiny version of your roommate you thought he was just a weird doll

until you heard him say a tiny, “Hey can you move your ginORMOUS foot? You’re stepping on my book.”

You fucking screeched and took off your shoe to try and kill him

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

After he explained to you about his ability you calmed down a bit and spared this tiny man but only this time!

Frank loves books, he probably filled your shared rooms with stacks on stacks of books

You’d often see him tiny, waving at you while you’re decoding

Once you overhead Kurt arguing with First Officer over who was the rightful owner of some sort of treasure map

They fought for days,

kurt would constantly complain about it to you

turns out it was just a game on the back of a Cereal box.

sorry this is short like kurt

Tracy Reznik

Would be a little awkward at first, but the awkwardness slowly fades away when you both make bad jokes

she gives me childhood best friend vibes

Has her doll sitting in the corner of your shared room room, it’s lifeless eyes scare the living shit out of you in the dark you try not to make eye contact, afraid it’ll curse you or smth

if she was mad at you she would move the bot in a way that looked like it was flipping you off you off in your direction before you went to bed.

Always making little robot things that are super fun to play with

Loves sharing her things. Has no problem with it

you wanna wear her clothes? sure

you want to wear her underwear? evEN BETTER-

Pulling all nighters, trying to get her machines to work like how she wanted it to work.

Would live off of kraft Mac n cheese and junk food in the modern day

Pretty hyper, chugs pink monster energy drinks while pulling all nighters, also, in the modern day

would probably be a bruh girl

Her room is a mess, covered with blueprints and scrap metal

her room is practically a safety hazard

Sometimes she dresses her doll up a bit, putting wigs or her old clothes on it (which scares you half to death)

Once she made her doll dress up like her

and you almost went up to it to ask what it wanted for dinner.

Has a photo of her and her dad

You never wanted to bring it up, worried it might make her upset :(

Sometimes she’d feel really guilty about being downed in the first 30 seconds

please comfort her, she feels super bad

She always relies on you to rescue her

She gets really happy and thankful when you body block for her but she still gets a bit concerned when you do it randomly

“i wasn’t even kiting-” “Protecc the mecc.”

Demi Bourbon

Always out at the bar

Smells like alcohol constantly

tipsy 24/7

she’s never 100% sober

You have to hold her hair out of her face when she comes back to your shared room to hurl

Likes bringing back hard vodka or weird flavoured alcohols back for you guys to get wasted try together

Room is bit cluttered, but she doesn’t have much in her room since she’s always out in bars or matches

Usually latches onto you like a parasite when she’s drunk.

it gets a bit awkward when her face is a bit close to yours,

“Are we about to kiss right now-? BLeurghgrhgherrgh.”“...*audible sigh*”

You’d go to her expecting her to heal you like a normal person but no

instead she shoves dovlin down your throat

She likes to do your makeup, and always adds a matching beauty mark

unless you don’t wear makeup, then she’d ask you to do hers 

always loves how she looks afterwards

more than sometimes demi would get into bar fights, 

so you know she’s about to throw hands when she starts takes off her earrings-

10/10 would fight for you <3

She’s gives me cool wine aunt vibes

Probably a lesbian too (check out our Demi smut fic ;))

Or bi, idk

Just straightn’t

She’s really good at hyping you up, especially when you’re taking shots

“CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG-”

Andrew Kreiss

Would be very shy at first, opens up a little when you get to know him

Totally a night owl, can’t sleep at night from all the guilt and “what if’”s

if you see this baby awake at night, hug him, he really needs it

You’ve never seen the other side of his face

How does he see with hair in his eyes?

He’s albino, which is super dope

Sometime you fear he’s thinking about burying you

You always see him thwacking Luca with his shovel

Barely talks

Room is moderate

He doesn’t want you to find out too much about him

He may seem bland, but he loves sweet food

You’d bake him cookies and other sweets

He’d act as if he’s not embarrassed and brush it off

“Are you blushing?”“No, I-I’m sunburnt.” “On your face?” “....I stare into the hot red sun sometimes because it eases me.”

to keep his lie going, every time he catches you staring at him he would fry his eye balls by staring into the sun until you left

partially the reason why he can’t see well

When he’s not looking, you stare at him while he’s eating the stuff you made because he looks so happy :’)

One time you found him down in the dumps so you made him a cup of coffee, and when you handed it to him you said-

“Depresso espresso?”

*sniff* ”..are you oka-” “IM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE”

he actually cried

it was such a nice gesture(?), that he started ugly crying

You’d ask him if he wanted hugs during matches when you see him get stressed

He’d be flushed and kinda confused

hug... him? why tho lmao

he’d definitely agree tho, to be fair, with some hesitation 

if y’all ever cuddled in bed, i feel like he’d be a little spoon

poor boy needs the comfort, he wouldn’t mind if you wanted to be little spoon tho

he just wants to be close to you

Victor Grantz

You love playing with his dog, Wick

Super nice and polite, but a little guarded

The type to be too afraid to call people out when they do something wrong but would totally trash them in his head

You write him little letters everyday and leave them on his bed to make him happy :))

He’d a be a little spoon

Wick would always join you guys while cuddling

Kisses would be soft and gentle

Usually sends you the first letter in matches

Loves to cuddle

He bb 🥰

You always get him a birthday present AND a Christmas present

You also get a gift for Wick

He loves giving you surprise hugs

Likes to read with you while cuddling

Literally a cinnamon roll

Once he was eating a cinnamon roll

And you whispered

“C a n n i b a l i s m .”

He was very confused

and kind of scared- were you going to eat him?

Patricia Dorval

Room always smells like herbs

She could literally smoke weed and you’d think it’s some magical healing herb

it magically makes you feel better

Always there to stun the hunter when you’re ballooned

The mature one

Her room is organized, with boxes labeling what herbs and magic stuff that are in them

You were cooking dinner for the day and you accidentally used one of her fancy herbs in your soup

She didn’t realize until she tried the soup

She wasn’t mad just disappointed

She lectured you on how you shouldn’t touch her stuff or use it for cooking

Gotta admit tho, the soup was pretty good

she acts like the mom everyone wishes they had

totally the type to be like, “dude we should think this through.” before doing something risky

and then five seconds later, “cowABUNGA MY DUDES”

one time she caught kreacher leaving the mens washroom without washing his hands

seeing as she was the mother of this manor, she had to protect her children from diseases

so she yeeted her monkey skull at kreachers head, cleanly knocking him out

and everybody cheered.

Melly Plinius

When you heard melly was going to be your roomie, you couldn’t have been more excited.

you finally had a victim for the many insect pick up lines!

So you decided to make some good first impressions by waiting for her in your room.

so when she arrived to your room and greeted you, you happily greeted her back, and slipped in the pick up line.

“Hello, my name is Melly. I believe I will be your ro-?”“Yeah nice to meet you too, say, what do bees make?”

She kinda thought you were a bit rude so much for first impressions

“...Erm, honey?” she replied hesitantly

“YES DEAR?” 

... okay maybe you weren’t thaaaat bad.

after that she kind of developed a teensy crush on you 

so it was hard living with you because of her crush, since she was constantly flustered 

you loved her reactions, she constantly got red.

it was funny watching her try to keep her cool and fail.

[taegularities]

Rid, hi how are you are you well are you eating well I hope you’re good, it’s me dream girl and I’m finally back with a dream about a beautiful man named Min Yoongi.

(This one is a bit random I apologize for my subconscious)

We’re college friends. Like besties. I’m the ditzy friend and he takes care of me. Like he makes sure I finish essays and he makes sure I take showers when I get too into my academics and have tunnel vision.

He’s at my apartment with a few others and we’re hanging out and he’s doing all these boyfriend things?? Like y’know taking care of me and holding me and stuff and someone tells him “y’know, you should just date her” and he’s like “okay”

So we’re dating cool.

So we go back to campus and someone is raising a rat family in a display window???

And Yoongi lifts the curtain to see it (dude we dfw rats wyd??) and the babies legit start to BOLT out of the display window BUT HERE IS THE THING THESE RATS ARE THE SIZE OF CATS AND THEY’RE RUNNING AND THEN THE MOTHER RODENT COMES OUT AND SHE IS THE SIZE OF A FRIKKEN DOG

and then idk what happens but I’m texting Yoongs from a weird WhatsApp/Telegram hybrid app telling him it’s not his fault, he just opened the curtain but my bb boy is upset because he broke up a family 😔 and he says he doesn’t want to speak to anyone, he just wants to take some time to himself. And I’m like “okay that’s fair” and I send him some ‘I’ll always be here for you” meme thingy.

Suddenly I’m driving past a stadium with a gym wrapped around it and we’re on our way to this mall that’s like the biggest mall in the city And I’m asking Yoongi what kind of sports they play at that stadium and he replies “just sports” and I’m like okay but like specify dude?? Like there’s so many??? And he insists they do sports and that’s how the whole drive to the mall goes and then I woke up.

I’m sorry for the BTS crumb dream, I know it’s not as fun as the others lmao but we take what we can get😅💭

hi my sweetheart !! i'm doing okay, i've been eating well heheee i spoiled myself a lot today :D how are u, have u been hydrating? taking care of urself? u must be if u dream of such wonderful men </3

i really wish it was this easy in real life LMAOOO 'u should just date her' - 'ok' and off we go. but the rats thing 😭 did u watch 'i am legend' lately or smth, cos that 100% reminded me of the zombie rats in the movie 💀 but poor yoongi 😭 he was just curious, my lil baby :((((( and honestly love the randomness that transforms the sadness to memes and to a drive past a stadium

but like fr.... they just do sports, what more do u need to know, right 🙄 LOL but no dreamgirl, even ur crumb dreams are so fun to read, and u're right, i'll take what i can get 😭 thank u for telling me about this one, i love ur mind fr khsfadjgk

[ionfusionpunk]

The Bad Batch: IMO

So! I watched the Bad Batch! TL;DR at the end 🙃

Ngl, and please don't bash me for this, but I haven't actually finished TCW? My mom and I are still only a couple episodes into season 1, but we're also trying to watch the episodes in chronological order, not release order, plus we're both busy people, so. Kinda hard. Means I haven't watched Season 7, yet, ergo I haven't watched the episode where we meet the Bad Batch. But like anyone embroiled in this fandom, I still know a fair bit about them/what happens.

I'm a little disappointed that Crosshair is the bad guy. Like, I get he's cranky? And I'm all for angst for any character, but, like. Based off the explanation they give in-show, Wrecker would have been an equally valid choice for the chip sorta working, imo. More valid, even, bc his genetic mutation has less to do with his brain directly in the same way Tech's, Hunter's, and Crosshair's mutations do.

Speaking of Wrecker, the Big Brute act? Nah. Not A Fan. I have multiple relatives on the spectrum (ASD), and I was honestly expecting Wrecker to come across like my brother does? i.e. he understands better if we don't layer our conversation with sarcasm/implications/subtext? But that doesn't make him dum, just less socially... proficient? ept? Smooth as everyone else.

Kay. Now, touching on the whitewashing, since this topic is gonna be everywhere. Look, I absolutely 100% agree that Filoni did us Dirty with how the clones all look. Echo, my poor child, you should have more melanin. Everyone, unless you have specific mutations, should have more melanin. They should also look younger, look more like Temuera, etc. etc. But. I don't stan hate of anyone on this blog, okay? We don't know why the choice to whitewash was made. I don't agree with it, but we shouldn't just hate on Filoni for that. In regards to the BB specifically, yes they could have chosen to alter appearances to be more politically correct. Consider though: identical art style connects BB directly back to TCW; art style makes the character immediately more familiar to younger/older/less involved viewers who otherwise won't have much of an opinion on the Dirty done. Please also consider that someone on the production team may have wanted to do right by our boys but for whatever reason were unable to this or the first time around, and that doesn't automatically make it Filoni's fault. Just... don't judge? Don't hate. There's enough of that in the world that I'll happily settle for disappointment and correcting my art to reflect what I believe the clones should have looked like.

Full disclosure, I in fact created a cis-female clone character a couple months ago. She was part of the Alpha batch and the first female mutation, and the trainers, looking upon her as lesser, took to calling her Omega as an insult. After proving she was very much a BAMF, she chose the name Oma and later became the Alpha trainer of other clones with mutations, including several with different intensities of albanism, vitiligo, neurodivergency, Force sensitivity, etc. I really like her and think she's a cool gal. (I don't have any art of her yet, unfortunately.)

On Omega: I adore her, okay? I love how she was copying Hunter it was so cute - akaskdjhf. And, like, is she Force Sensitive? Oh please oh please oh please let her be.

Now, I've seen some stuff about how another Dirty was done in 'bending over backwards' to make her female when she could have just been trans? Alright, look, I'm not gonna disagree, because you're right, but I also refuse to agree, because look: cloning isn't an exact science, even for the Kaminoans. Look at all the mutations they had. From what I understand (I'm no expert, so don't quote me on this, but also feel free to drop me some resources), it's not impossible, improbable, or unreasonable to assume that amongst alllll the clones created, a small percent didn't mutate female. Assuming that Jango was Near-Human, at least (the Kaminoans could have altered the alien DNA out of the base coding), the clones would have started as female fetuses before the Y-chromosome kicked in, right? That's how that works for us regular humans afaik. On top of that, there are exceptions to that rule, because then you have other mutations like mutations in the SRY gene or variations in the number of the sex chromosomes themselves, etc. Basically what I'm getting at is that there should have been more cis-fem clones, but chances are most of them were decommed or forced to undergo trans therapy (is that what you call it? Idk, I'm sorry, don't mean to offend). Omega most likely wasn't engineered to be female; she probably had extra mutations on top of that to make her more desirable to the Kaminoans to keep around for study (e.g. her Force sensitivity???).

On a final note, to end this with my Writer Brain, I would love to see them portray the side-affects of their mutations. Just - chef's kiss.

TL;DR: Dirties were done. Wrecker isn't stupid. Crosshair probably wasn't the best choice for villain, though Angst is Life and is Good. Whitewashing is a problem, but I am Aware of it and can keep myself from making the same mistakes while still enjoying SW content. And while it would have been nice to see a trans clone character, it's okay that Omega isn't, because the choice actually makes sense bc of Science. Have a lovely day :)

[lordxgrinnyxboy]

rewatching tgm for the umpteenth time: wifi's not working edition 1/?

ngl i've Never, In My LIFE, done any singing or acting outside of puppet shows when i was in like the 3rd grade but every time i watch TGM i'm more and more like "GOD i wanna be cast as Barkilphedro" and i don't even know why? like why would i want to be the greasy clown nasty? He has No Rights? I Don't Like Him Or Sympathize With Him At All? And Yet???? It must be a calling.

there's like. two barrels on the stage.

uggggggh i love Ensemble!Maskell and Ensemble!Obianyo they're both so pretty

FEEL SO LOW YOUR PULSE NEEDS CHECKING

ngl Barkilphedro has No Rights and he gets No Sympathy from me but i do feel sorry for him when he talks about his mother. also sucks for him that he wasted so much time hoping his loyalty to Clarence would pay off, only to get nothing but mockery in return. also also as 'comical' as the Erotic Breakfast Dance scene is played it's still...really gross and Not Okay. This dude's 100% culpable for his actions and he made his own choices and is absolutely slimy but it's like those bits in LotR when they talk about Bilbo pitying Gollum. idk i just kinda hate that ol' Barky let himself be twisted into such a wretched creature. He crossed the No Rights line the night he decided to carve up a kid's face tho and just kept right on going.

ensemble!maskell is so cute send help

it's the eye makeup and the lighting it's just. a really good look

ms. obianyo pls

just noticed Bark's little pose on "obsessed with the pursuit of beauty"

okay so i've seen some comments around about Clarence's "How do you keep your pecker up" remark and just thought i'd- dude's fingernails. wow they're so shiny. ahem -mention here that i've looked into this expression before and it's actually a term that i guess is mainly used in England or something and it's like nose = beak = 'pecker' as in birds which ‘peck’ things with their beaks. It's basically the same as "keep your chin up". Snufkin says it to Moomin. I mean with Clarence i wouldn't put it past him to mean it another way but also given where the show is set it makes sense he would use such a term.

ngl i want to Know about Angelica tho like. why is she Brutalized. why did Clarence send her awaey. i actually want to know about the whole family. I feel like it's a three separate moms situation but even if it's only two separate moms Where Are The Moms. did Clarence send Them awaey too? Did one or more of them Die? Were they Killed? oh god what if it's like in Light Princess and he actually Had (one of/)Them Executed. I think it's interesting that Clarence Lorded Dirry-Moir. we don't get to know about how he treated Josiana, but none of his kids even turn up to his funeral and the only one who talks about him at all only does so to denounce him.

also thinking about the differences yet similarities between the Green Box Family and the Royal Family but i can't articulate worth anything rn so i'll just *pins for later*

love Ensemble!Brisson

also ngl even if the whole Royal Introduction/Lords on Palace Hill bit isn't 100% literal it still paints a pretty clear picture of the kind of toxic and vapid society that's encouraged under Clarence's reign.

does 'bonnie prince' mean anything specific or

ugh i love Osric

wait i just noticed the stripies on dirry--moir's shirt. nice. i'd wear that.

not as much as i'd wear the heck out of Osric's coat though. actually his whole outfit. add Osric/Lord Trelaw to Roles I Wanna Be Cast For In The Timeline Where I Sing And Act

the face Dirry-Moir makes while Osric's getting started introducing the fair tho. he looks like a kid trying to fit in with a cool new friend group.

the way Mr Maskell sings "we have a huge collection of the crippled and the dabbed" tho it sounds like he's got a cold

i'm gonna need somebody to meet me irl just to do that lil dance that Dirry-Moir and Osric do after "If you've got the money/I've got the misery" it looks fun!

au where Mr. Maskell stays on stage through the end of Laughter is the Beast Medicine. i need to See him do the choreo for this part.

had a real cursed idea right here but no it's Too cursed

the look on Osric's face when Bark grabs his bad arm tho

this whole "imagine laughing without any cruelty at all" is such a weird bit tbh

have i already said that i love the whole look of the "the poor soul who stands before you" part like idk if it's the pose or what but Gwyn Looks Really Good In This Scene

okay but the way puppet!Gwyn holds out his hand toward his mom and then she goes to- hangon i can’t describe lemme see if separate post separate post

okay

ngl im real curious as to whether this bit on the pirate ship (idk why i’ve always defaulted to ‘pirates’ for these cats) actually happened or if Ursus fully made it up like we really Don’t get to Know how much of this has any basis in what really happened that night do we u-u

kay but the fact that Dea’s mom’s lying there with her eyes open and the way they emphasize her frozen-ness by having her arm stay up like. wow.

wait a minute is that Born Broken playing for lil baby Dea? i think it is.

yeah sing it hazlit

interesting how Ursus has little!Gwyn sing “they put blood in my nightmares” but also vow to find the man who cut him. which i mean singular ‘they’ is obviously a thing but as i doubt the intention was for Gwyn to have decided that whoever cut him must be a they/them man i just think it’s interesting that even the wording in the puppet show points to the fact that there was Someone Else There, even if it does then swerve back to a single perpetrator. But also it’s still accurate because while it was only one man who cut Gwyn’s face, it was both Barkilphedro and Ursus who contributed to putting blood in his nightmares.

honest question why is Mr. Maskell’s voice Like That like who gave him the right

love how puppet!Gwyn and puppeteer!Gwyn and later real!Gwyn all do that same little motion with their head on the word “disgrace”

OH HEY we’re at the part where Lon Don picks up NICE

add Mojo Puppeteer to my list of dream roles

wait ohmygod there’s this thing kind of hanging off the cart and i was squinting at it like “what is that” and then the cart turned around and i realize that’s the body that goes to the head-on-a-shelf ursus what the hell

wait so Dirry-Moir genuinely thinks Dea went blind from looking at Gwyn’s face but he also wants to see it? although granted Ursus said she went blind from “gazing too long” so maybe Dirry-Moir assumes he’ll be safe if it’s only a quick look. still. Concept: Post-Show Dirry-Moir having this tendency to Not Look At Gwyn very much until eventually either he explains why and somebody has to Tell Him, or maybe at some point he’s like “wait a minute. that was made up wasn’t it” and everyone has a bit of a laff

ngl i love the inside of the cart and how there’s like four, maybe five puppets, counting Beauty and Beast, and also some of the shadow puppets...all kinds of vials and bottles and what looks like painting supplies...what looks suspiciously like crimson lethe on the stove...looks like some cabinets and extra storage up very top. im curious about the layout since we only get to see one part of the cart at a time.

wait why’s the song called stars in the sky when does he say th- why isn’t it called “New World” or “dreams” or something why stars in the sky he doesn’t even say- does he say it in the reprise???  *skips ahead* NO?

does the Disney Chorus Say It??

THEY DON’T

WHY IS THE SONG CALLED STARS IN THE SKY? WHY HAVE I BEEN UNQUESTIONINGLY CALLING IT STARS IN THE- WHEN ARE STARS MENTIONED??

IS THE TITLE A REFERENCE TO THE FACT THAT URSUS IS ONE OF THE ONES WHO ASSISTED IN STRIPPING STARS FROM THE SKY? IDK BOSS IT FEELS KINDA WEAK TO ME

ugh i love ms obianyo

“to help them forget themselves” yeah that’s what you want him to do huh Ursus

“not now, Grinpayne”‘s a p curious line to include and only the fact that Gwyn’s still using his puppet!Gwyn voice while complaining is keeping me from being like “lol Gwyn’s lil rant was actually him breaking character and then Ursus just went with it like it was part of the show lol lol”

cutting here for length uwu Dea finishes the word ‘skies’ at exactly 30 minutes in which is nice bc i didn’t even have to interrupt her mid-word in order to pause for post-length.

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 11 - The Yunmeng Sibs have shitty parents & *Screams in Doctor*

Hello hello! Long time no talk, who’d thought finishing med school wound not free my schedule up? Not me that’s for sure. Btw I have an iPad case (where I’m watching and writing) that can turn into a stand so the screen is upright. HOWEVER the lower flaps that hold the iPad in the case broke so it just keeps sliding down and giving me heart attacks, you’ll hear me screaming about it further down I’m sure. So enjoy my pain.

This farewell scene is fucking me up tho. Why do you want tears so early in the episode screenwriters? Why? (Also, MY STILL HAS NOT HAD TREATMENT FOR THAT STAB WOUND)

Aw my One Braincell Trio worries about MY is adorable tho (yet another missed opportunity for him to make actual friends who care about him and not end up as JGY)

I’m sorry for the thirst but HOLLY SHIT WANG ZHUOCHENG’S BONE STRUCTURE.

That’s it. I’m going to stop the tv series here when they’re in Lotus Pier and everything is fiiiiine. Btw watching that servant girl run through the place has convinced me that I 100% would trip taking a corner and end up in the lake.

YUNMENG SIIIIIBS

Ok, pause to say: I do think Madame Yu is a BAMF. I also think that’s literally her only redeeming quality. I don’t like Mme Yu and I don’t like JFM and y’all are gonna have to endure my ranting.

This woman is just spoiling for a fight isn’t she?

Ok, the first time I saw this, I was willing to be on her side. My mum does the same thing where she rants when she’s worried and my dad is more phlegmatic (until he snaps then they just scream at each other and I eat popcorn). The instant I decided that she could go hang was when she started being an asshole to her kids. And they just take it, so it is clearly not the first time she’s called her daughter a mildness follower and her son idiot and useless fuuuuck her.

And of course JFM goes and pulls the “man from way back when” misogynistic bullshit and tells her to go rest. Why would he either try to not have this conversation in from of their children or stand up for all of them.

Ok. How did LWJ not get a massive footprint on his PALE BLUE clothes from WZL’s kick?

Also, let me go down the clothes, or rather footwear, rabbit hole for a second. Those fucking boots can’t be comfortable. I know that’s the shape they had and whatever but they don’t move when you walk. My god, I own 12 pairs of Doctor Martens, I did pointe in my ballet class for years, I know a lot about unyielding shoes and I can tell you, that walking without being able to flex you foot is horrendous. How. Why. Am I missing something that’s common knowledge about those boots by virtue of not being Chinese? (And having almost zero knowledge of traditional Chinese clothing)

Alright, back to the show LWJ about to throw hands at WC (not with, WC is too much of a coward).

Yay the butterflies!

My one track mind: *takes note of the fakeness of the fake blood*

Xichen bb noooooo.

Wait wait wait. Assuming the Cloud Recesses siege and the conversation when JFM tells our boys they’re leaving for Nightless City in three days are happening simultaneously that means LWJ fucked off to indoctrination ON A BROKEN LEG. And he got there only a bit before the people from Yunmeng, however Cloud Recesses is further away than Lotus Pier, so he was fucking rushing, ON A BROKEN LEG. Please tell me he was at least wearing plaster under his clothes (no he wasn’t, at least not in the Murder Turtle cave) *Screams in Doctor*

(But FR, don’t pull that kind of bullshit, walking around on a fracture can cause the bone fragments to shift, compress the blood supply to your foot and you can loose it)

Look, this idiot is back. Again, if you see random bouts of screaming is just me not wanting to listen to Su She.

Ok, ok I’ve got a bone to pick here. I’ve seen some people say that Su She cracking and telling the Wens how to get in is less about him being an asshole and more about he not wanting to die. Fair enough, wanting to survive is natural. HOWEVER, my problem with this situation in particular is that, as long as he saved his own skin, he didn’t give a fuck about all the people who were going to get murdered. That’s a dick move.

And before anyone can tell me that’s not how regular people work, my building caught on fire about a year ago, my first instinct after putting my cat in his carrier by a fresh air source was to leave my flame-free flat to go check on my neighbours. I don’t know my neighbours, hell, our relationship consists on them letting their kids scream until past midnight and me blasting death metal at 6am the day after in retaliation. (They were gone for the weekend and both me and the cat were fine, thank fuck for skylights). I know it isn’t the same stakes as being held at swordpoint but, my dude, human decency is human decency.

Su She: people like LWJ look down on us outer disciples.

LWJ: *literally gets his leg broken bc he saved Su She’s life*

My one track mind: where’s the arterial spray?

Every time I seen Yunmeng disciples shooting kites I start hearing Kill Bill sirens.

Speaking of shooting kites. I don’t think JC has ever actually been jealous of WWX like sometimes I’ve seen mentioned. He clearly encourages him to best his shot in front of all the disciples knowing he’ll make it. He’s had his mother’s poison and his father’s indifference poured in his ear since he was a child, if this really was a Thor-Loki/Scar-Mufasa/Cain-Abel brother dynamic those tiny little gestures wouldn’t exist. JC could not give less of a fuck that WWX is “better” than him, it has been, however, used to hurt both of them; and that’s what pisses him off. Not that he’s compared to his brother, but that whoever is doing that comparison explicitly seeks to hurt. Also, knowing that you baby brother (I don’t care WWX is older that JC, he’s the baby in this relationship) is a prodigy, and yet he’s in such deep shit he probably won’t be able to get out, and what can you, not a prodigy, do to help him out? Nothing. That’s terrible, that’s painful and as we all know JC only emotes in anger.

SOMEONE HUG NHS PLEASE HE LOOKS SO SAD.

Oh I’m living for Peacock’s facial expressions.

Ok, listen, listen. That whole scene where WWX turns around, LWJ is looking gorgeous dressed in white, flanked by the two Wen soldiers walking down the aisle to joint the front of the queue reads too much like a Western wedding for my poor heart to not make the connection. Also, LWJ (in white) is walking towards WWX (in black) which is usually the positions and colour schemes of an heterosexual version of those weddings and as much as I say fuck gendering WangXian (ppl calling WWX mother or wife makes me homicidal) you will pry those parallels from my cold dead hands.

I can’t even make fun of the *Bichen grip* because my taciturn bb is so hurt right now.

Thanks for reading!

[vaguely-concerned]

The Untamed Liveblog

Yes hello I watched the whole thing and wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings along the way so I wouldn’t fuckign EXPLODE! Only look under the cut if you’re prepared for a truly outrageous amount of rambling (...no really)  

- I am elated to find that so far every adaptation I’ve seen has faithfully preserved the absolutely bizarre structure of the original book, I am appreciating the dedication haha

- the actor lends this version of lan wangji such an edge of youth and vulnerability right from the beginning, it breaks my heart. I don’t care how good he is with a sword, you can’t expose this pure sweet boy to the horrors of war!!! 

- I am so glad I already know who all these characters are and wtf is going on, I can’t imagine watching this first time without that knowledge lol 

- I love how they’ve made nie huaisang look so small and soft next to all the other cultivator, he looks like a floofy and eternally confused baby birb ;______;

- nhs citing the goldfinch as the reason he doesn’t want to die (presumably because no one will know to take care of it) TOT ur meant to be comic relief in this part of the story buddy you can’t make me cry like this yet!!!

(also the actor for wwx effortlessly sliding into being protective and reassuring and Good in a crisis. wonderful!)

- the actor for xue yang has chosen to go with the sexy baby school of evil acting normally associated with female villains and for that I can only applaud him

also setting up characters who are going to be important later on is something this show is doing better than the original haha, both the extra wen quing & ning and song lan & xiao xingcheng content is appreciated. (especially the latter suffered from ‘oh yeah those two -- actually wait who the fuck are these two again’ syndrome for me when I read the book. additional note: I am very sorry but clearly they are gay there’s no other explanation here)  

- poor jiang cheng, they really haven’t given him much help in this huh. I would sort of have preferred it if they let him be ever so slightly less abrasive in the beginning, like in the book and the animated version; I’m not feeling quite as devastated over this relationship as I did in either of those.

- lan xichen’s soft knowing smile is a blessing every time. just a nice man. did not deserve this. protect.  

- kudos to the actor for jin guangyao for the instinctive creeping unease I feel whenever he talks, even at this stage. he’s a wrong ‘un sir he’s a wrong ‘un

- y’know both the fact that nhs spent three days catching a bird and kept it with him undetected and that he’s the friend you go to for the good porn and managed to not only smuggle it into the cloud recesses but did so without getting caught... some wonderful subtle foreshadowing here (to make up for the very blatant visual foreshadowing that’s already been given out I assume lol)

- anyway lan ancestor lady and baoshan-sanren? gay. sad and gay. (I love how thoroughly wwx is getting to meet the in-laws btw lol how often do you have to meet your future spouse’s family from like three generations ago and take care of her rabbits for her after she’s gone, all before you even get to second base)

- fkadshfkasjdlhfsdjkfh the sheer consistency of nhs wistfully commenting on all the beautiful men surrounding him fsadfkjsdhfksd I think they might oh so subtly be hinting at some stuff here. HILARIOUS that this version, which has to maintain at least the veneer of some plausible homoerotic deniability, is a lot more overt about it than the book, which is free to be balls to the wall as gay as you please  

- oh no nie mingjue just showed up my entire heart is on fire. BIG BROTHER!! so stern yet fair, so righteous, so worried y______y also can we talk about how his ‘hmmm I think imma stab it?’ approach to evil in general and xue yang in particular would have saved everyone a lot of grief later on? and he tells wwx the whole necromancy thing is probably not a good idea? (I really like how he does it too, he has so much Older Brother Energy it spills over when he talks to other kids around huaisang’s age lol. it’s good that they show his temper isn’t indiscriminate at all, he’s not angry at wwx even though his idea is provably incredibly dangerous) sole ornery voice of reason nie mingjue, also did not deserve what’s about to happen, I cry and my tears are blood  

- ‘yeah okay I get that you’re mad but have you maybe considered... I didn’t do it?’ is an unusually weak opening move from jgy considering nmj literally did just see him absolutely 100% do it

- there should be a WARNING at the beginning of episodes where nmj cries so one could be PREPARED for the emotional devastation!!!!! tollest & stronkest man of the cast also stupidly pretty and heartbreaking while crying, it’s not fair

- I love how every cultivation sect’s home (except for the wens b/c they’re cartoon villains) is refined and beautiful and luxurious, even when it’s in a restrained way like the lans’... and then there’s the nie place which is like ‘please understand that this is a fuckn fortress’

- aww this doomed jiang cheng/wen quing thing is cute! too bad about... everything that’s about to happen happening huh

- oh wen ning.  very hilarious that he’s known as the ~*ghost general*~ forevermore when actually... he is baby... cinnamon roll baby... too good for this world, too pure...

- how is this cgi turtle somehow less egregious than the one in the animated version lol. I quite like this bad little friend! long neck.

- oh NO lan wangji finally letting himself show that he’s in pain when they’re in private... i’m uwu  

this beautiful boy is so long and lanky tho, I must admit he triggers my parental instinct more than the hot boy alert at this stage (but that’s fine I’m not the one who’s going to smooch him that’s wwx’s job lol)

the look of absolute disbelief and despair lwj gives when wwx thinks he’s in love with mianmian... this show is a cinematic masterpiece and I will hear no other opinion  

- lwj looking at the love of his life completely missing the point: are you a joke to you (the answer is yeah)

- okay we’ve officially hit the point where everything’s about to go to hell for real, pray for me I’m not sure I can handle this again

- jiang fengmian acknowledge your other son who desperately wants your attention and affection challenge (unfinished)

- watching this scene knowing exactly what this promise means to jiang cheng and that wwx is going to break it... this is fINE

why the fuck did I do this to myself I know what’s about to happen when will I learn to quit while I’m ahead lol

- the change in subtext from the novel that EVERYONE sees wangxian coming from day one is so painful from jiang cheng’s side. this poor boy really has abandonment issues pelting him from every direction huh. tfw your idiot genius brother doesn’t even fucking realize he’s basically announcing he’s leaving your clan and your side to get married one day ;______;

- man mxtx is just so GOOD at peppering in the small private tragedies that somehow sting even worse than huge atrocities going on. the fact that madam yu and papa jiang never manage to reconcile and communicate except possibly in death... oof my friends. oooof.

- WAIT WHAT NO DON’T SHOW ME THE CHILDREN WHO’RE ABOUT TO DIE WHAT THE FUCK YOU MONSTERS

- like we’re right at the worst part now and she is an asshole... but damn madam yu’s last stand is epic tho. like a champ to the end

- wen zhuliu’s actor being able to uphold a look of tremendous boredom at all times regardless of what’s going on around him is Poetic Cinema Bitches

- jiang cheng and wei ying are holding hands on the boat... stab me in the heart... end my suffering

- you know what in this version we get to see that madam yu knew her husband came back for her and they died holding hands and not everything’s on fire yet, so far this isn’t quite as harrowing as the animated version. the dead children are fucking me up but the tone of the animated version is like a nightmare, this is less disturbing to me

also can we talk about how madam yu fought them off the whole day and night and her husband gets his ass owned within five minutes 😔 oh papa jiang

- oh okay turns out jiang cheng’s ‘I want my mom and dad’ gets to me in every adaptation good to know

they’re so young they’re bbs I don’t want to be here anymore haha

- wen ning. a sweet angel. just the goodest of boys. his sister raised him so well ;______:

- wen quing is so ethereally beautiful and also looks like she could stop a train with the force of one glance. like she’s my height but her presence is immense

- oh I see we’ve arrived at the tiny adorable flashback bbs part of this journey, let me just... just lie down somewhere huh

- outside of the central romance this is a tale about people who love their brothers very very much and it’s real sad for everyone involved

- me watching nie mingjue kicking down the doors to reclaim his own dang fortress: YEEEEAAAAH GO OFF DAGE!!! i um love him and his very handsome face

- jiang cheng dreaming about his family is EMOTIONAL WARFARE!!! how fucking dare!!!

- y’know what this isn’t a bad way of adapting the burial grounds thing! also pretty cost effective I imagine, gotta think about the budget when so much of it goes into fabulous wigs and robes

- credit where it’s due, the actor for wen chao makes his face do some shit I didn’t know human faces could do and he’s enjoyable to watch in the capacity as your friendly neighbourhood hate sink

- lwj consistently using wwx’s personal name even when talking to total strangers now... mhm this is also fine

- I can’t beliEVE this show is somehow less subtle about the gay stuff than the book, jin zixuan basically just asked lwj if he and wwx were... y’know... I guess cultivation partners would be the way to go here lol. between that and nhs more or less asking them if they were off fucking after the whole cold cave debacle... what a time to be alive even if they’re not going to kiss on-screen  

- huaisang I hate to have to be the one to tell you this but your brother is an entire snacc. and yet I respect him way too much to ever proposition him, I know he is busy winning a war and being Righteous and slowly being driven mad by the ghost in his sword on top of raising his little brother, I’m not here to complicate things for him any further

I love this version of nmj so much though. this sense that he also sees the stuff that is genuinely good in jgy and has a real moment of grief that the dude just can’t seem to get away from his basic insecurity that causes him to do horrific things, even when handed other opportunities... the fact that he seems regretful and worried when asking jin zixuan how jgy is doing with the jin....... everything to do with his little brother...................... oh no he’s Soft in his private life this is awful

- poor lwj’s ‘I have a bad feeling about this’ face in this scene haha, he’s staring at this talisman like ‘I only know one person smart and dumb enough to pull this off’

- can’t wen quing just get one nice thing. one nice thing just for her. hasn’t she been through enough. give her her brother back and a nice quiet place to practice medicine and maybe some soft romance with jiang cheng eventually this show is kind of selling me on this.  

- unexpectedly my favourite part of the revenge scene is just the camera switching back to lwj and jc watching in horrified silence like ‘...O___o dude this is fucked up tho right?? it’s not just me that’s messed up??’

- one is forced to wonder about wen zhuliu tho. this version reads as pretty explicitly depressed/suicidal to me, he’s kind of an interesting villain since his main traits are unquestioning loyalty mixed with unending indifference and also seemingly not too pressing a will to live

- oh nhs desperately trying to keep it together and pretend nothing’s different ;_____; this version is really driving it home that wwx is a lot of people’s only friend -- jiang cheng is mentioned to not have anyone but his sister to play with before he arrived, lwj was raised primarily on books and rules and his brother is ELATED that he has one (1) friend now, from the sheer depth of the attachment I’m willing to bet nhs hasn’t had many real friends in his life either. wwx gives and gives of himself and doesn’t know how to take help in return.    

- foreknowledge is a beautiful thing; if you look at nhs when it’s revealed wwx didn’t bring his sword you can visibly see his brain kicking into overdrive haha. smart boy.

- big sister ;_______; I am an older sibling so I haven’t really had the feeling of having an older sister to look to, I see why it might be comforting now

- oh this is some real uruk-hai shit!! honestly the special effects in this aren’t half as bad as I’d been lead to fear, some of you guys just weren’t forged in the crucible of shitty sci-fi channel cgi at an early age and it shows  

(honestly the weird fight stuff threw me much worse in nirvana in fire, because that series has such intricate, credible and realistic political world building and then people are flying all over the place through wire fu and it is so disorienting haha)

- oh nhs looking up at his brother like a puppy during the war council T______T baby bird boy

(between this point in the main story and fatal journey it’s very interesting how clearly nhs needs the emotional stability and safety of his brother -- who also seems to be his parental figure -- to function properly, even in his late teens. it looks like he needed more time to grow up than the rest of them even before they were all thrown into this awful bullshit. well he does have a lot of murderkitten brain to grow I guess that’s fair enough lol. wwx has some of the same thing with his sister too)

- whenever lxc and nmj look at each other it feels like the only two adults in the room meeting each other’s eyes like ‘...oh dear’

- aww lwj getting some advice from his brother. this poor kid really hasn’t been raised to handle the moral complexity of the real world huh, good thing lxc is here to lend some nuance to lan qiren’s unforgiving dogma

- oh lan zhan

- nmj’s plan to just idk somehow go in alone and fight the wen overlord mano a mano to avoid any more casualties... a spine made of steel, a heart made of gold, a head made of wood :’) truly a perfect man, good thing his brother got the brains in that family and he has some more sensible people around him

- in the face of inevitability I plead... jiang yanli... please don’t marry this asshole your son is going to be predictably insufferable

wwx has suffered through so much the last four months or so and yet his real breaking point is seeing his sister cry and can I just say -- relatable content

- NO! NO STOP HURTING HIM HE’S JUST GOOD AND HANDSOME AND DOESN’T DESERVE THIS

(could be applied to like 98% of these characters but in this case it’s nmj b/c I love him)

I do find it very funny and oddly comforting that nmj is literally so fuckn mad that it takes three times as many attacks for the evil sorcery stuff to take him down than we’ve seen used on anyone else fsdkfhasdkj too angry to die  

wHY has my brain chosen for me to attach so deeply to perhaps The single most inevitably doomed person in this entire cast, at this point I’m just being cruel to myself lol

- I can’t describe how much I love the fanficiness of this story, in the best ways. the emotional fallout from the destruction of the lotus pier gets more screentime and attention than the entire sunshot campaign, and that’s exactly how I want it to be.  

- they’ve been doing some great work to establish that the jin are also jeeeeeerks for such a long time, how’s that for foreshadowing

- equal opportunity traitor jgy gets his stab in lol one must respect the grift, though, he’s set himself up pretty darn good

*lxc stops nmj from killing jgy, hello darkness my old friend starts playing in the background*

fatal journey builds nicely on this fundamental thing that the nie boys take their responsibility to their people extremely seriously, it seems to be the fact that jgy so blithely talks about them as necessary casualties that really sets him off

- adlfsdfhsdkjh lxc and nmj meekly being like ‘...we could maybe... not commit war crimes? if that’s at all possible? no?’

*slaps ‘I don’t think you even tried at all’ stars on both of them* (I mean I actually do kind of see where they’re coming from a bit, they just came out of a pretty costly war and I wouldn’t feel too comfortable getting right back into it with arguably the wealthiest faction, who’s also been keeping back a bit and thus kept a lot more reserves. well played jin bastards well played)

- I could stop here. if I stopped here everything would basically be as okay as they could be and the world full of hope still. I suppose the question here is... do I love myself enough to quit while the going is good. and the answer is no I already started the next episode

- I think one incredibly endearing aspect of this version of nmj is that he has a look of faint but permanent worry about him. he walked onto the screen with a vibe of ‘...oh boy I don’t like where this is going’ and he’s just kept going ever since

in the book he’s kind of a flat character (whose one trait is Mad), I love that they’ve given him some depth and nuance here! probably partly down to the actor doing a great job, but this version has a real sort of warmth to him and also seems downright uncertain at times -- he thrives when there’s a clear goal and black and white sides, and is probably not  t h r i l l e d with the weird tentative political situation after they take down the wens lol. thank god he has his little brother to make ‘bitch please’ faces over his shoulder when the jin get weird about things

anyway I’m always on the ‘nhs you are SO valid’ train, but in this version nhs is quadruple valid, in fact only mianmian is more valid in this entire world

- one of my favourite parts of this show is when wwx enters a situation and the camera takes some time to zoom in on the faces of his family and friends to convey their sense of ‘oh god what the fuck is he about to say now’ dread    

- jiang yanli asking her little brother if he doesn’t want to stay with them anymore while crying is emotional kryptonite, help

this poor woman, she had to put all her points into emotional intelligence b/c god knows no one else in this family did

- hell YEAH lan zhan go break some rules!! treat yourself my guy

- hey sis if, theoretically, one hypothetically found oneself in -- for the sake of argument -- love with, as the case may or may not be, someone... how would one tell?? asking for a friend

- the whole summary of this fucking show is just ‘weaponized sibling feels’ everything hurts with foreknowledge why did I keep going

- aw no blindfolded kiss scene but here’s a scene with real earnest emotional intimacy stuff going on instead... I will joyfully take it your honor

- I do value and respect the translators giving us these subtitles so much... but they did also force me to read the words ‘bosom friend’ with my own two eyes right there and that was not very cool of them

- why oh WHY must jiang yanli, best person in the world, have been cursed with the horrible fate of being in love with the dumbest man on the planet

*jiang yanli juggling all the idiot men in her life* oh god my little brother is causing an international diplomatic incident again time to bUCKLE UP

oh ho ho you know shit is getting real when big sister gets mad I LOVE HER. suddenly you see she definitely her mother’s daughter after all lol

wwx crying because his sister just fiercely defended him in public... im uwu

- I hate jgy with all my heart but I do feel bad for him too. his barely faltering :) look while all his asshole relatives gang up on him sdfhskahf

- again the jin are dicks but when it comes to aesthetics they do go off, that’s such a beautiful shade of blue

- dsflhsdakjlfhsdakjfl sd this shot of lwj and nmj right before lxc drinks is the funniest framing imaginable b/c lwj is wearing a look of complete stonefaced

-___________-

and meanwhile nmj, who presumably has seen lxc drunk before since they’re longstanding bros, looks worried as fUCK

- awwwww I do love nhs capitalizing all of jc’s attention so the others won’t start shit with him/so he won’t get to say something publicly he’ll regret later because he’s (understandably honestly) mad at his brother for making his life even more difficult than it has to be (I have every sympathy with wwx but buddy... buddy must you make everything more complicated for your bro every darn time this is a real delicate political situation and he’s not suited for that even without your antics)

it’s a very nhs move because he comes across as slightly boorish and rude and thus leaves jc blameless and thus protected, you can get so far if you have no self respect lol  

- showing us exactly how wen ning died is honestly a little too mean this is not fun

- good god this poor grandma has been through the wringer hasn’t she

- oh. oh wen ning, who never meant hurt anyone in his entire life :(

- listen okay the end is in sight just a couple more horrific tragedies to get through and then it’s the weird romantic comedy buddy cop antics of the current day timeline to ride to the end

- it cannot be overemphasized how much this lan zhan is Baby, I so desperately want to help and protect him

- I’m going to stop shouting out individual actors on this show they’re all goddamn brilliant haha (but am I tho)

- most valid person in the cultivation world mianmian

also enjoying the exemplification of nmj’s character that is ‘not sure how I feel about this dumb kid with the big mouth digging his own grave ever deeper but that girl’s got guts and I respect that’

- wen quing is getting a taste of the dangers and pitfalls of having wwx as a little brother dfhskdalfhsdaklj she and jyl should compare notes (he’s so good tho T-----T)

- how does wwx’s actor have such natural dad energy at such a young age, too powerful

- people give so little thought to how fucked up jc’s situation really is here, like he’s just being an asshole for the sake of it. spend three fucking seconds looking at it with some realpolitik in mind and realize that the clans around him have just shown that they can and will wipe out an enemy clan together if need be, and that his own sect hasn’t even gotten back on its feet after the war that almost wiped it out. like wwx is unquestionably morally right but has gone about it in such a way that it’s real fucking hard to support him without going down with him and how do you calculate that risk when you’re responsible for so many more lives than your own

also so sad about jc being so afraid this entire time that wwx would leave him like everyone else... and now he has :( jc doesn’t handle it well but then who would at this stage

- there is something so pure about a quietly horrified lan zhan getting Dad Advice from these guys (well he’s going to be needing it soon enough so)

oh the utter softness of his face looking at wwx and ah yuan ;_______; thank god, some fluff to bolster my heart before we set off into the last harrowing ordeal here

LAN ZHAN’S ENTIRE FACE LIGHTING UP AT WEI YING ASKING HIM OUT thank fuck there’s still some joy left in the universe

this poor love struck man, someone help him  

lan zhan conscientiously grabbing ah yuan’s toys is fskhdfksjdlfhskjdhf

- lan zhan looking around the demon subduing cave: babe I love you more than life itself but this is tacky as hell

- crying because wen niiiiiing

- crying because sibliiiiiings

okay this is the last time the three of them will be together and nominally happy, need to appreciate it through my tears

- actually I take it back please just let the bad thing happen now so I don’t have to live in suspense anymore lol (...this probably says a lot more about me as a person than I’m strictly comfortable with)

- the fact that none of wwx’s little adopted wen family are AT ALL intimidated by him anymore is just... it’s too much to bear

again tho this book/show is so willing to let you dwell in the emotional stages of things in a very fanfic sort of way, I think it’s what makes the sad parts so much worse (and makes you feel so incredibly attached to these characters)

- I gUESS it’s a testament to jin zixuan’s character that he has any decency at all, considering who his dad is and where he was raised

I’m cracking up at their dad being the one who still doesn’t trust jgy tho lol snake recognizes snake

- jgy’s faint look of ‘are you fucking kIdDiNg me rn’ whenever all these jin douchebags talk is very entertaining. if he didn’t go on to do all that murder and incest and (probably) infanticide I’d sort of cheer for him no matter what kind of sociopath he is

- not to be a downer or anything but isn’t one month a little premature to be celebrating the survival of a baby in fantasy old timey china tho

sometimes I feel like looking back at history is just seeing a whole lot of dead children (and this is why I think that even if god did exist it would be morally inconceivable to worship him! sorry just a quick detour into my personal grudge against the inherent cruelty of the world there, let’s move on)

- it’s uncomfortable to watch even the outlines of the jin sect’s slow insidious stranglehold on power. even these random shopgoing nobodies know that nmj is Not Happy about these watchtowers and that it’s probably going to happen anyway. the jin are snakes but at least they’re clever about it and I do kind of respect that

- oh everything’s about to go so wrong I hate it

NOOOOO don’t make the zombie baby fight, nothing good will come of this

- man this is hitting me worse than lotus pier actually I’m just... crying haha

it’s almost cathartic tho... there’s something about wen quing’s dignity and certainty that really helps? I just really wish they hadn’t brought the whole little group, god I want them to be okay so badly and ah yuan will be all that’s left and. and just throw me into the ocean and let me sink tbh

- I know this is all so much black cgi smoke (pls let us see the red version again at some point btw that was cool as shit) but the emotional metaphor of wwx that you can’t take on more and more of other people’s suffering and trauma and not care for yourself because you will lose control of that at some point is just. very nicely done. (he’s a bit of an odd serial codependent for a lot of the story, isn’t he. thank god lan zhan is not a quitter)

- jin zixuan’s mom is breaking my heart a little here. this lady has been married to THAT GUY all this time and now this as well. sorry lady, I guess jgy probably Took Care Of You at some stage after this

- a) this is just real good acting for wwx. this is the perfect level of unhinged for this, even though I’m always like ‘just. just shut your mouth for one time in your life and stop digging this grave any deeper six feet should be enough for anyone huh’ at this stage of the story and b) I am cackling inappropriately at the shot-reverse-shots between wwx, jiang cheng and jgy. jiang cheng looks like everything he ever loved is falling apart around him and jgy is like ‘oh wow I didn’t even have to provide him any rope he’s doing an excellent job at hanging himself without me’

I love wwx so much but it did take him an unconscionable length of time to realize that when you set big enough things into motion you will not be able to control who it crushes along the way or who might steer it in the wrong direction. other people exist and have agency and a lot of those people are bad honey :(

- ah yes lwj being stopped by a barrier made of the physical manifestation of wwx’s trauma when he tries to reach him :’) this is okay and cool and fine    

- it’s admirably obtuse of everyone to look at wwx at this stage and still think he’s in control of uh anything lol

- oh okay that went better than expected I don’t know if I’m just inured to sadness at this point

jiang cheng looking like a little boy clutching his big sister’s body is tugging at my heartstrings a bit tho

- ooooh this battle hardened intense lwj!!! I guess I can sort of see it now

- oh lan zhan 2, electric boogaloo

- finally! time for some comfort up in this hurt

- my man nmj still so fucking angry in the afterlife that anything even remotely connected to him is shaking with rage in sympathy in the real world. a mood

- fdsahfsjdklfhsdajk wwx being like ‘I can take everyone saying I was evil but how DARE you not mention I was also a snacc’

- when do you think nie huaisang really realized that his brother wouldn’t have children and that he was up for the sect leader seat next? nie mingjue seems to have known pretty far in advance himself and tried to prepare his brother accordingly, but that kid really didn’t want the job so I imagine he’d try to live in denial as long as possible

vaguely related: no other family is ever mentioned by either brother or anyone else, and nie huaisang straight out says that he is the only main disciple (I seem to remember and with the caveat that I might have misunderstood the translation) when there’s the talk of them being sent to the wen as hostages -- I suppose you sort of have to be very selective when your ancestral cultivation method is sketchy enough that you should keep that shit on the down low and you know people die young from it. so I think it’s possible if not probable that huaisang is the last of his family. isn’t that a fun little thing to think about? haha. ha. help me  

- this random street vendor is an unexpected strong comedy performance, every face he makes is pure gold

- fkshafkjsdhfasd best introduction of adult nhs

- the quiet luminous love on lwj’s face whenever he looks at wwx in the present... give this man all the awards. it’s nice that wwx gets to be scared and childish and vulnerable with someone who loves him no matter what too, he’s been through some shit

- oh okay I see so the reason they chose to make fatal journey the way they did was because they already had the set built

- *nhs dropping one set of robes like that one gif from anastasia to reveal another even more luxuriously dandy-ish set under it* oh wow what a surprise to see you two down here, coincidences amirite (anyway here’s the testament to all the sins of my ancestors & a trail of breadcrumbs to lead you to the murderer of my brother)

no wait that’s slightly later isn’t it. well the point still stands

- dead!nmj is truly a mood -- “I don’t know where I am, who I am or what the fuck just happened but I do know that I am PISSED OFF”

(actually in the book I found that almost comforting -- at least the dude got to spend his afterlife doing what he loved (i.e. being angry), but this more nuanced and sympathetic version being trapped like that just. makes me very very sad)

nice of him to stick around to play a few rounds of hot or cold with his little bro’s friends tho lol. I mean from what I understand of this take on canon it’s actually the spirit of his sword and not him in person? but close enough, let me keep him as long as I can okay

- jin ling getting his dumb ass cask of amontillado’d within ten minutes of entering the tomb smh

look at your ROBES young man what is your (other) uncle going to say??

- hAH what did I say. pedagogic mastermind jiang cheng at it again

enjoying the fact that they chose the floofiest most benign-looking of dogs to play this ~*terrifying hound*~ so much

I have a lot of sympathy for jiang cheng, and the actor is doing a good job at aging him up here (not as good as lwj’s but then you can’t beat perfection). the way he’s calcified into bitterness and anger b/c he can’t express his emotions in a healthy nuanced way feels very... real I guess, people get like that sometimes

- I am somehow really endeared to this version of jin ling. a dumb baby, but a baby

- poor lan zhan lol “I LEFT YOU ON YOUR OWN FOR TWO HOURS AND YOU ALREADY MANAGED TO TAKE ON SOMEONE ELSE’S CURSE??? BABE!!!!!!!”

he consistently uses jiang cheng’s personal name too huh. well it is his brother in law I guess ETA: actually I’m an idiot ignore/forgive me, that’s jiang cheng’s courtesy name isn’t it. lan wangji is being salty/maybe-deliberately-maybe-not-(but-definitely-tho) distant/polite with him I think 

- y’know... as I watch lwj carry the love of his life around on his back with all the tenderness in the world and I see people in the comments yell about why do you always need everything to be gay they’re just good friends you’re all crazy... I realize all over again that there really is no level of queerness they’ll ever find legitimate or acceptable. which like. feels bad, but there’s also the freedom in remembering they are always going to be assholes no matter what I do, there’s literally no need to listen to them at any time.

- I am CRACKING UP; watching this episode right after seeing fatal journey sure is a treat hahaha. nhs really must enjoy the acting on a deep level because he is hamming it up and I am living for it    

“It’s nothing at all like unorthodox demonic cultivation methods!” he protests with his big innocent doe eyes, having yelled the exact same accusation at his brother within ten seconds of finding out about it dsfdskjha

- awww that’s such a sweet way of telling nhs who he is while both of them still get plausible deniability :’)

this show is making it a LOT easier to figure out nhs’ deal earlier just through visual storytelling and his reactions when lwj and wwx aren’t looking, but I guess you sort of have to do that without the benefits of selective POVs that you can do in written stories

- lan zhan’s little smirks are such a blessing

- can we talk about how INCREDIBLY rude lwj and wwx are being barging into other people’s ancestral tombs like they own the place. I know I said break some rules lan zhan but there’s such a thing as common decency too at least wipe your feet at the entrance or something

stop being big bullies!!! (nhs actually sounds a little salty at how debonair they are being lol he’s like yeah you’re doing what I want you to but you don’t have to be such dicks about it)

- nooooooo nmj don’t die ur so sexy ahaha (I jest so I do not cry godddddd my heart big brother come baaaaaaack)

I’m honestly finding it very hard to live with knowing that the last thing nmj saw in life was jgy having his little brother in his clutches D:D:D: looking at it like that... of course he came back mad as fuck, I’d probably do the same thing

- boys boys I love and support you but could you maybe not stand around talking about how this was totally a horrific murder like the murderee’s little brother isn’t standing right there?? i mean it’s useful for him but it’s kind of mean of you, I know neither of you were raised in a barn  

okay there’s wwx irrepressible protective instinct that’s better. I just... nhs standing there looking small and sad and soft and lonely isn’t the whole truth but it is part of the whole truth, it’s nice to see wwx being like this even after all those years. (the physical closeness in their friendship in their youth in this version is so gooood. outside of wwx the only two people we see nhs consistently allow close or seek out closeness from is his brother and MENG YAO, who can frankly burn in hell even more than usual for the flute thing in fatal journey.)

- lan zhan contemplating the inherent impermanence of everything good in the world and then immediately getting blackout drunk -- MOOD. also I have never seen a scene where someone so obviously was about to press a soft kiss to someone’s forehead or cheek, don’t worry wwx I see you through the censorship lol

(it’s incredible how well they’ve adapted the love story considering the fact that they technically uh can’t)  

- wen ning: shambles, zombie-like and disheveled with horror movie monster eyes, into frame

all of us: omg a BABY ToT

- live action drunk lan zhan is living up to the hype I am  d y i n g

this poor repressed man

fjskdfsdkjhf he could do sword fighting in his damn sleep probably

I will say that leaving ‘wei wuxian was also here’ is going to scare the crap out of these poor people whose only crime was keeping well fed chickens

- they r so in love someone hold me

- this nmj!kid I am LOSING IT, this is so cute I want to lie face down on the floor and cry

- the yi city arc is my least favourite part of this story, so I’m fortifying myself to get through a couple of hours of sexy baby xue yang here

- Dad/troll teacher!wwx is in fact everything

- oooh wwx has the same weird crooked fingers as me when they’re extended! just some small Facts About Your Friendly Neighbourhood Blogger there

- this is not at all a bad take on ah quing! she qte

- ‘what’s your husband look like?’ song lan, crying: beautiful

- xxc you didn’t think it was a little weird the dude wouldn’t tell you his name -- even a name -- all this time. honestly

I know you’re in a bad place and this is sort of a rebound thing from your actual true love but stop letting him gaslight you like this buddy :(

- time for some MASSIVELY FORESHADOWING PARALLELS my friends

- I don’t know if I’m just a heartless monster but I honestly don’t care that much about anyone but ah quing in this little sideplot lol (probably my complete disinterest in xue yang tainting everything else)  

- xue yang and jgy: the ‘sad backstory dude still inexplicably extra mass murder’ club

- godddd I’m so bored I’ve listened to this guy cackle ~*madly and evilly*~ for three episodes now when will it fucking end

- lan jingjy you are VALID

- fhsdkfhsdkj can’t get over baxia being like ‘OI you two stop gazing soulfully into each other’s eyes for five seconds and get on with avenging me’

must be annoying spending your afterlife in a pouch third wheeling the two most obnoxiously in love people in the world, I think this spirit sword is being admirably restrained and patient all things considered

- big brother I am so sorry you had to hang out under there all this time while this boring bullshit plot happened above you ;________________________;

I’m actually not clear on what the nie sect does with the bodies of the dead -- the saber tomb seems to be exclusively for the weapons/we see that some of the cultivators will go down there while they’re still alive to sacrifice themselves... maybe they go in the walls? I guess nhs is breaking tradition in a lot of ways tho so who knows!

- ‘from what I’ve seen he’s not so bad’ wei ying he smilingly asked you to use POWs for target practice I’ll allow lxc to be this dumb but you really have no excuse

- this duckling in red is a gentleman and a bro, one to watch

- wwx seductively arranging himself in the open window to cover his panic fsdkjfhsda

- lot’s wife WISHES she had the level of salt jiang cheng does

- ‘if they ask me any weird questions I don’t know the answers to I’ll have to pretend to be a total psycho’

lan zhan, dragging his husband with one deadpan face: I’m sure that is going to be a huge feat of acting for you babe

- NIE HUAISANG FALLING INTO FRAME AND LAUNCHING HIMSELF FROM ONE PERSON TO ANOTHER LIKE A GORMLESS WET RAG, I STAN ONE (1) BOY

‘but new problems appeared’  how is he such a mood

again tho you can give your unknowing accomplices so much space to investigate if you just don’t bother with self respect or dignity at any stage of the journey lol

- fjshdfkjlsahd that beat of lan zhan clearly taking a moment to contemplate the idea of wei ying confessing his love naked in public there

- uncle and nephew bonding time T________________T  

- fsakfhsadkjlfhsad I can’t deal with this mission impossible ass music in the background as a little paper gingerbread man scoots around the palace

whoever animated this was clearly having a lot of fun, I love the little details like his dangling legs and him rubbing his lil paper bum after landing

- poor qin su, one of the most screwed over people in this whole show. at least in the book he didn’t mean to

- ah su, you’re being very unreasonable about this, what is a little incest between friends

- straight culture is this being chill to keep in the adaptation but god forbid anyone got a loving queer kiss at any point (not blaming the showrunners at all, they’re clearly stretching the limits as far as they will go and maybe a bit more at a few points)

- YES SISTER CALL HIM THE FUCK OUT I always felt like she’s known something was a little off for a long time but never could put her finger on what exactly

- ‘can you still not let me go’ hey jgy you piece of shit who’s keeping whose head in a weird serial killer cabinet here

- THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HIS HANDSOME ALIVE FACE BACK TO MY SCREEN IF ONLY TO MAKE ME SAD

- he’s so beautiful and righteous and strong 😭😭😭😭 dage come back to us

(makes even more sense that he’s so pissed off about what jgy did if he’s already shown clearly that he’ll shut down the people fucking with him if it’s brought to his attention. he gave you every opportunity you little oh-it’s-never-really-my-fault worm of a man)

- another nmj about to cry warning needed here help me

dON’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM YOU SLIMY FSKJLDHFKSJDHFSKDJLHF

the nie traits are undying loyalty, rage, and the intergenerational trauma of watching your parental figures succumb to death and madness through the same cultivation path you practice

- my cause of death: nmj’s eyes shining with unshed tears

this version has that edge of vulnerability to him, you suddenly do realize he was once just a kid watching his dad die a horrifying death and then having to take on all that responsibility and raising his brother

nie boys unfailingly devoted to the people under their protection I’m gonna go bury myself under a tree or something

- I’ve had to turn the volume down so I can barely hear anything b/c my emotions are too big to for my dumb body to contain already I can’t listen to this

- extremely sad but also a little funny that part of the reason nmj died was that he had no interest whatsoever in the arts. ‘music is music right?’ says local jock

- I’ve just been whimpering the last twenty minutes this is awful

- huaisang’s voice breaking on ‘big brother, it’s me’... sdlakhgsdjklfhsadjkghsdkjlfhdskljhgsdalkhgsdklgjhsdjklhgkdjslhgjskd I’m going to the bottom of the mariana trench and I’m staying there goodbye

- I can’t wait to watch nie huaisang end this putrid trash man’s whole career in the most devastating way possible tbh

- I’m just so SAD T______________________________T I hate jgy so much my heart burns with it I’m so glad he’s about to get some dramatic irony shoved up his -- but I digress

- haha poor jin ling standing there watching all this messed up shit like ‘O.O thanks i’m nine’

- I wish I was as good at passing the fuck out on command as nhs, I feel like it would solve a lot of my problems

- just some low key soulmate shit no biggie

- wwx is basically fantasy old timey naked again here the SCANDAL except no scandal they’re clearly married

- wwx is being so much more patient with lxc than I would have found it in my heart to be at this stage. he’s like ‘lxc you are my brother in law and I truly appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me but it’s sadly up to me to gently confront you with all the ways you’ve been a dumb ho just b/c you think jgy has pretty dimples 😔’

- “You’re not qualified to talk to me” oh lwj I love you so much. I thought committing murder was forbidden by the lan sect rules but there you go  

- it honestly baffles me that some people think nmj would be the strictest parental figure in this universe when a) everything about huaisang suggests otherwise and b) lan qiren is right there

madam yu has that ‘super unforgiving to her son’s face but will also tear anyone criticizing him a new one’ mixed energy too  

- lqr: I raised a perfect obedient righteous cultivator

me & wei ying: you’ve ruined a perfectly good boy is what you did look at him he’s too repressed to breathe

- well their dad clearly paid enough attention to worldly matters that two kids resulted from it, I’m not quite sure where we’re going with this lxc

one’s an accident two’s a pattern etc.

- wow I was so confused about ‘confidante’ being used here b/c it makes absolutely no sense in context, and the comments helpfully informed me that it’s more accurately translated to ‘soulmate’ or something like that; that does make a whole lot more sense yeah

- bb!lan zhan kneeling in the snow is more than anyone’s supposed to have to live with tbh

- lxc being like ‘so yeah my brother will keep loving people long after they’re gone and unable to give him love back! just a fun fact there, something to think about anyway here’s wonderwall’

- soft, ever-so-slightly messy haired at home lan zhan deserves the world

- oh wwx’s shift away from thinking the truth doesn’t matter at all to realizing the truth of you being held fully and with love by one person in your life is enough as lwj plays their song ;______________________________; this is almost more romantic than a kiss scene would be honestly jesus christ  

- little apple is the best of us tbh

- apologies but they have 100% started to fuck off-screen at this stage, the looks wei ying is giving him dsafasdfhsjkd

- I take it back mianmian and little apple are the best of us

- imagine just finding the light bearing lord, second peerless jade of lan in his immaculate white clothes, peeking out from between your hay bales one day

- the exponential increase in lan zhan’s blessed little smiles lately: my oh-they-fawking thesis is validated yet again

- wei ying lying through his teeth: of course I remembered your face at once who do you take me for  

(lan zhan: smirks in quiet satisfaction)

- walejhgskdjhgsjdaklfhsadjkflafhsjakdsf wen ning is so cute I don’t know what to do with myself

- wei ying this is where you first asked him out of course he remembers

- lan zhan is like ‘oh shit I forgot to tell him about our son and at this point I’m kind of embarrassed to bring it up’

- I am NOT thinking about the lotus pond they made for him here, you can’t make me

- ‘the worst time in their lives’ yeah, but there was such love there too. it  h u r t s 

- the actor for wen ning is so good at making his expressions look deeply earnest but also a little uncanny, like moving his face doesn’t come naturally to him anymore but his Good Boyness shines through

- DRAGGED in public by his own son. rip wwx he had a good run of it before his untimely murder

- wow thank goodness sect leader yao survived all this time, his death would as we all know have been a huge loss to society as a whole

- “I’m just here to round up the numbers” I love him more than I can convey to you in words

I’m a simple person, I hear nhs’ chronically befuddled voice and a burst of pure joy is released in my heart

sdfhjksadhfsad his soft little 😕 face peeking out from behind people’s shoulders fkjsdhfsdjal

- will I ever get enough of nhs masterfully manipulating a situation through his own apparent cowardliness and uselessness? no is the answer to that it’s always entrancing to watch

nhs as a teacher, nodding sagely as his disciples exchange glances: it’s never too late to go home instead of going big. saying ‘fuck this i’m outta here’ is always an option

- also nhs seemingly doesn’t use a saber at all anymore, where he at least used to have one back in fatal journey times. I’m very happy he’s trying some new things, time to break that very sad traumatic chain of dying young and furious

also him getting someone else to do the work of fixing the ward or whatever fskdfhaskdlf

teacher nhs, waving his pupils away b/c he’s busy painting or something: class dismissed. and remember, if at all possible, get someone else to do your homework for you. as long as you don’t get caught that’s an automatic A

- wwx is literally the cat surrounded by knives meme here lol

- lol lol lol wwx just removed his outer tunic thing to reveal lan zhan’s undershirt still under there and you can see lan qiren silently seethe with ‘that little hussy has seduced my nephew away from the righteous path’

(do I personally believe in slut shaming of any kind? nah it’s dumb as fuck. do I think lqr does? yeah)

- hahaha I can’t tell if nhs’ slightly glazed look here is b/c wwx did something he didn’t plan for him to do or if it’s because he’s for all intents and purposes half naked in front of them. (tbh I think there’s a case to be made in this version that he has a sort of wistful would-never-act-on-it-for-a-million-different-reasons-lan-zhan’s-furious-jealous-stare-being-foremost-of-them crush on both wwx and lwj from back when they were teens)

- WOW all these dicks inviting themselves to lotus pier!!! r u d e

- lan zhan flexing on lan qiren by raising a happy well adjusted child even while he’s mourning the love of his life: what like it’s hard

- wen ning kept that toy for sixteen goddamn years don’t touch me

- I’m crying about jin ling give me a moment. he is baby okay he’s even younger than ah yuan by at least four years

the image of him hugging the only thing he’s got left of his dad... fsdalkfhasdjlkfhsjdakhfsjdk

- lan sizhui has a crowd of good uncles/dads and poor jin ling has a crowd of utter disaster uncles and it’s very unfortunate (yes wwx is on both of those lists)

it is very sweet that it’s jiang cheng who consistently actually looks out for him, even in his feelings-wtf-are-feelings sort of way. the least disaster uncle, but only by comparison lol

- I think this ouyang kid might be duckling in red from before? LOVING the interspersed nhs reaction shots to him, anyway fsakdfh (I’m going to make it sad: how many conversations like this do you think he had with his brother as a kid? that’s fine we can both cry now I don’t want to be alone in this)

- ‘mr ning’ im Y___________________________________Y

- extremely Here for yet another full costume change from nhs hahaha (he’s changed at the boat already, god knows how he pulled that off but I’d expect no less from him)

- nhs must have been a sect leader for at least a decade at this point, and he still manages to exude such a powerful ‘kid at the adult’s table’ aura. incredible. mindblowing, inspirational

- ...oh they went with the same version of the previous jin leader’s death huh (but GOD FORBID that anyone should be openly gay amirite lol) O___O again though WHY is jin ling here, jiang cheng??????? he’s like sixteen, he’s never going to dare to even kiss anyone after this

- nhs has the look of a man who’s had to sit on this disgusting knowledge alone for years and finally gets to share that icky burden around, merry christmas everyone if I have to know about this so do you

- I don’t know if this is just me imagining things or reading more into it than what’s there, but I think nhs is actually sitting in the same pose his brother used to a lot in this part of the scene (the upright posture with palms resting at the top of the thighs/hips, fingers turned inwards/towards each other; it looks sort of... solid and self-contained, I guess)

- I would call jgy knowingly committing the incest character assassination if he’d had enough character to assassinate even in the book, I would never have put it past him

- y’know... god knows nmj had flaws (I think my immense depth of love for him in this version comes precisely from how hard he tries even while being deeply flawed. him dumb but him always trying :’) well actually he’s not dumb at all, he’s shown to be pretty darn politically savvy, I’m just having a hard time finding the right word here. ‘inflexible’ is maybe closer ), but the big defining difference between him and jin guangyao (and consequently xue yang) is that both of the latter are completely open about the fact that they see themselves as more important than anyone else -- xue yang considers one of his fingers worth more than fifty people’s lives, jgy kills twenty sex workers as a mere afterthought to his own revenge on his father. meanwhile nmj gets Messed Up by people dying under his protection to the degree that he came up with one of the dumbest plans I’ve ever heard just so he’d be the only one at risk, just so no one else would get hurt anymore. hmnghsjhfs.   

- wen ning, proudly: my sister was the best doctor in the world 

me, openly crying: she sure was buddy

- wwx: hey lan zhan are there any sweet patient lan ladies with an open mind around

lwj: ...why

wwx: I just think our zombie son should start thinking about getting friends, maybe even a real home

lwj, subtly relieved: oh

- JIN LING BABY BOY NOOOO D:D:D:

- nhs I need you to come in and end this man I cannot look at his awful face anymore

- ugh this garrotte sound effect is really unpleasant actually well done

- THERE HE IS!!! conveniently swooning his way into the scene again, my guy ;_______; smol and soft-looking and about to utterly obliterate a man on every conceivable level 

I love every moment of the camera dwelling meaningfully on his innocent vulnerable face, this is going to be so great 

it’s too bad he’s a behind the curtain sort of dude, I would kill for a poirot-style ‘I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here in the library’ moment here lol

- tbh jiang cheng’s got a point about that whole ‘making huge sweeping decisions about someone else’s life and never telling them about it’ thing

wwx has sort of structured himself as a person so that you’ll never be allowed to really reciprocate his dedication and sacrifices (unless you’re lz lol), and while that is a very sympathetic trauma reaction essentially it is sort of a dick move interpersonally.

- the weight and wisdom that comes along with the scars of older wwx... you love to see it

- nhs, with effortless grace, rousing from his disney princess slumber just as the real drama’s about to begin... your honor he is simply the best

-  T__________________________________________________________T big brother 

- the tinge of coldness in nhs’ eyes while he watches jgy through this whole scene even as he keeps up the ‘im baby don’t worry about me’ act.............. fashdfjlksdahfslkadj, not to say askfksjhafkjsldhfkjsalhfksjaldhfkls

- to say that jgy has perhaps ‘gone overboard with this’ might be the biggest understatement of any century lxc

- watching him kneel by his brother’s coffin here I’d like to propose that Nie Huaisang has exactly the same capacity for all-consuming rage as the rest of his family, except he can’t just vent it by hitting something real hard with a haunted murder saber so he has to get creative and that was real unfortunate for Jin Guangyao  

- one thing that’s always tickled me is that nhs did give jgy the choice. the people around him -- the people he claims to love -- could have been left out of it, no dishonor being brought to either his name or any of theirs... if he’d been willing to sacrifice himself. (probably a gambit where he knew that was never going to happen, but still!)

- nhs standing there in the background like ‘yeah yeah we all have horrifying family legacies buddy, we just don’t knowingly marry our sisters or arrange for mass murders over it’  

- arguably killing the previous jin leader could actually count as a good deed if not for the horrifying way he did it lol. jgy all over, he could have done something helpful, *john mulaney voice* and then he didn’t he just killed nineteen innocent women while he was on a roll instead

- while it’s sort of bullshit that some responsibility is taken away from wwx in jin zixuan’s death here it’s also making a bit more sense to me like this -- seems like an uncharacteristic gamble from jgy to just idk hope wwx would lose control at exactly the right/wrong moment. wwx is still at fault for how casually he treated wen ning as a weapon when he didn’t know what the consequences could be, I’m okay with this

- jin ling and the terrible horrible no good very bad week :( protect him

wow lan xicheng let’s stand around some more letting this awful excuse for a person tell this sixteen year old boy that his parents deserved to be murdered basically, I’m sure there’s a lot more fruitful discussion still left to be had here  

- talk shit about nie mingjue’s brother get hit su she hell YEAHHHHHH

big brother still looking out for him I’m fsdklfhajsdlhf 😭😭😭

- I’M SO FULL OF FEELINGS ;________________________________; at least in this version the implication feels more like he’s finally at peace? (hilariously wwx managed to purge/cleanse the saber spirit, which is the entire conflict of fatal journey haha, nhs really did get his best friend to do his homework for him yet again, INSPIRATIONAL)

- HELL YEAH FINALLY GET REKT YOU PIECE OF SHIT! PRESS F TO PAY RESPECT EXCEPT JOKE’S ON YOU I’VE GOT NO RESPECT TO PAY

They did do away with any and all ambiguity around nhs here and I’m totally cool with it, that was awesome

- I’m playing the world’s tiniest little violin right now, wow much sad fuck you and your dumb hat

- may I just say that the fact that jgy uses his last moments on earth to make lxc, a person he proclaims to love, feel as bad as possible about his now inevitable death even though it clearly wasn’t really his fault... is just proof that he has never actually loved anyone at all except possibly himself 

contrast with wwx, who tells jc that he’s sorry, dries his tears in the here and now and says to let the past go because there’s nothing either of them can do about it now and there’s no point in hurting themselves over it again and again anymore. jgy has the opportunity to give a similar kindness here and instead twists and twists the knife, so lxc will be in as much pain as possible when he’s gone. he’d rather be kept alive in lxc’s suffering than let him, someone he ‘loves’, ever heal and be happy. anyway I hope hell is real shitty for you jgy

- jgy you absolute piece of shit you couldn’t let my man have TEN FUCKING MINUTES to nap in peace? after sixteen years of your fuckery? urgh bye  

- nhs looking at lxc sadly when lxc can’t see him... one last ‘I don’t know’ finally closing out his arc... I love all of this so much, there’s such a nuance of... he is genuinely a bit sad about causing lxc pain but he also doesn’t regret what he did At All. (I guess most of what he’s done must be pretty easy to rationalize/justify to himself, since the vast majority of his work went into finding the horrible shit jgy has done and showing them the way home to roost, rather than creating fresh suffering from scratch. and then there’s also the whole mo family but uh well eggs omelettes amirite lol)   

- lan qiren telling people not to run or talk loudly b/c they’re at a temple, even under these circumstances fhakjsldfhkjsdafhkjsaldhf 

- god the casting people for this show have a perfect track record of finding heartwrenchingly cute kids my GOD

- jfdsafhaskdjfh I love how they’ve done the moment with the hat -- the way the flashback sort of indicates that nhs does recognize on a deep level that the dude he just killed was someone’s son, was after all once an innocent child, like anyone... and again, it doesn’t make him regret it. he looks tired and sort of empty, but not like he’d take any of it back. he’s seen jgy for all that he was, good and bad, and made his decision. his reaction to seeing his hands ever so slightly stained with blood is mostly ‘...eh sure’ (and he knows none of this will ever bring his brother back and I am HURTING) . just. I love him so much what an interesting character 

- lan zhan raised a child who can talk about his feelings, unprecedented & wondrous 

who’s chopping onions in here

- never getting over ah yuan being the best person in the world at roasting his dad 

- okay okay okay I’m going to have some incoherent feelings here -- the expression on nhs’ face right after wwx asks him if he intends to be chief cultivator is just... hm. how do I describe this. it looks almost like he’s thinking ‘oh yeah I forgot you don’t actually know me anymore (yeah okay that’s my bad)’? the previous scene is about lwj and wwx, The symbolic representation of true love in this world, naming each other/knowing each other for exactly who and what they are. that’s the thematic victory in this story; to be truly known, accepted and loved for the entirety of who you are, if only by one person in your whole life. (notably all sorts of love, parental, familial, platonic etc., not just romantic/sexual) and to get his victory, nhs has had to completely forsake that because his whole plan hinged on it; he hasn’t been emotionally honest with anyone for well over a decade at this point. no one really knows or understands him, and if someone ever did he’s long dead now and never coming back. and in this one moment both wwx and nhs seem to come to the quiet understanding that neither of them are who they used to be as kids and it’ll never be like it used to be again, and reach a sort of live-and-let-live truce about it.  d u d e this goddamn story 

(after all part of the reason jgy is so incredibly terrified of nmj is that he’s the first person to see straight through his bullshit to who he is behind it, and that it’s u g l y  back there. jgy + nmj = being known without being accepted or loved (b/c honestly he doesn’t deserve to be loved or accepted yeah there we go I said it), jgy + lxc = being accepted and loved without being known, which turns into disaster all around.)

- man this was actually a really solid adaptation, it was excellently done! they did rush a bit towards the end there (it was never explained why jgy didn’t kill sissi along with all the other sex workers in this version, for example, leaving a rather substantial plot hole, and they never reveal why exactly lan zhan had to take over as sect leader which breaks off lxc’s arc at the end), but all in all that was wonderful and even added some stuff I liked better than in the book! now please god never let mtxt write a sequel, just let them be in this happily ever after, all of them have been through enough ;________;

- also the music was truly epic! I don’t even begrudge them using some parts more often and blatantly than what’s probably necessary, I want to wallow in this love theme as much as the next person lol

- what am I going to do with hours upon hours of my life now? I don’t know either, I suppose I will just have to find some way to hobble on 

[80srockher]

Yuri on Ice Re-Watch and Live Commentary, Episode 8: Yuri vs Yuri! The Horror!! Rostelecom Cup, Short Program

All rise for the Theme of King JJ.

Run, Yurio.

Don’t snitch, Mila!

Your enthusiasm is cute but don’t injure the getaway driver, Yurio.

Gramps and his classic car, lol.

Also, I love pirozhkis. Gramps and I should be friends.

I wonder if Yurio told his grandfather of his impromptu trip to Japan before he left or if he sprung it on him when he got back to Russia.  Makes me wonder Gramps did Yurio a solid by purchasing the ticket in his own name.  Though, we’ll probably never know.

I can’t recall if I’ve heard Victor referred to as Russia’s national hero before now.  Adds an extra element to Yakov’s ire at his decision to skip the GP, IMO.

Victor.  Wearing sunglasses indoors and drinking coffee. At night.  Indeed, a man for all seasons.

So.  Vitya is talking up Yuri to the press and Yurio does not appreciate the partiality. 

This is, of course, in reference to Yuri.  The urge to deflect is strong within Victor.

Good job!

I’ve seen various speculations as to why Victor wouldn’t – or couldn’t – answer the reporter’s query. In my opinion, I think it’s just a matter of him being tired of giving the same response over and over, e.g., the Grand Prix’s not over so I haven’t committed…hard pass to Yurio!  

Well, you did want his attention, Yurio.

Victor’s “Sure, kid,” grin in this cap is gr9.

Aww, poor shy bb.

Ugh.  Mickey.  Not a fan.

However, aren’t you four or so years older than Emil, Sarah?  Surely, there’s someone a bit more age-appropriate. 

Well, obviously Sarah is friendly with YOU, Yuri.  

I like Sarah a lot, actually.  The women in this show are awesomely written.

Goddamn, Seung-gil. It’s either you or the 18 year-old at this point.  Help a sister out.

So stoic in the aftermath of that sick burn, lol.

Repeat after me, Yurio: You. Don’t.  Own.  Victor.

Honestly, there needs to be some sort of collective intervention with regards to this concept.

OMG, yes, Ep. 8 gives us the treasure that is JJ.  Can’t wait.

Just…. WTF are you doing, Seung Gil?

Also, Russian TV is listing Victor as a headliner and he’s not even competing, lol.

Oh, my.  As a basic straight, I don’t feel quite comfortable tossing the term “Queen” around.  Seung Gil is steadily creeping into that category for me, though.

Wowsa, JJ is tall.

LOL, poor Emil.  He’s the youngest competitor and so wants to hang out with the cool kids.  

Meanwhile, I’m going to pretend what Mickey is doing to Sarah here is an in-universe Italian thing.  Until I can’t anymore, of course.

Well.  Now I can’t, anymore.  That was quick.

Then adopt a pet, Mickey. Sarah’s not your property.

Well, that’s a relief.

Chekov’s steamed buns makes its first appearance.

All of Russia WILL NOT be competing with me for your attention today, boo.

Guess who has your national hero by the balls neck, Russia?

And later on tonight Japan is going to lay siege to Russia.  From the Southern border.  If you catch my drift.  Hehe. Heh.

Ahem.

Yuri’s internal monologue before this scene exposes his fear of ultimately losing Victor if he doesn’t perform well, while Victor actually thinks the pressure has lessened for Yuri.  Ugh, two clueless ships bumbling around each other in the night.

LOL.  This is so dramatic.  Kid is still only 15.

Their (super cute) reaction is a little confusing seeing as how Victor was telling the press just yesterday about having choreographed Yurio’s SP. 

Yuri breaks 100 points, again.  Woot!  Guess who’s also not afraid to show his love to Russia?  Gosh, these two.

They can’t contain their happiness and want to share it with their pal, Yurio.

Of course, Yurio mistakes their support for pity.  Ever considered they might enjoy your sparkling personality?

Didn’t cap, because I didn’t care to, but I’m still not feeling Agape even now.   It may be technically difficult but it just looks... not junior-ish, exactly, but certainly not mature enough for the Senior division, IMO.

JJ’s personality is even more “sparkling” than Yurio’s, lol.

They had the nerve, the audacity, the unmitigated gall to make this song so damn catchy.  You dared to go there, creators, and you succeeded.

However, the tramp stamp is just unforgivable.

Trust, I am singing along in spirit.

You charismatic bastard.

I blame Chekhov.

Poor Yuri looks just about shell-shocked right here.  What to do?

If you’re Yuri, you make the selfless choice for the man you love.

Makkachin is, of course, Victor’s beloved, longtime companion.  However, this scene (and consecutive ones in ep. 9) helped to convince me of Victor’s lack of close connections with a lot of people.  There isn’t anyone he can call on to keep track of this dire situation while he’s working in another country?  No one else that understands how much that dog means to him to potentially travel to Japan to be with Makkachin if worse comes to worse? If either of the above were applicable, then I think Yuri would justifiably request that Victor stay with him.  However, he must be intimately aware of Victor’s circumstances: that he’s been more or less a loner for a fair amount of time, at least.

Well, this expression is heartbreaking.  The man’s best friend is facing death and there’s nothing he can do. 

Thankfully, Yakov makes a timely entrance.

Yeah, the two caps are way similar, but I only did it for the text.  Observe Yakov’s smug excitement at the prospect of Victor returning. Dude misses Victor, but he’s shit at showing it.

Yakov misses Victor and despite everything, Victor still trusts Yakov.  Damn messy Russians.

Poor Yurio and his “Da fuck? I have to share a coach with the piggy again?” face.  LOL.

Aww, that little Makkachin doodle is so mean!

That ep. 9 “reunion” will more than make up for it, though. ;)

[ezra-brainrot]

“you find adventures in places i couldn’t see” retrospective - ch 1

Spoilers for Howl’s Moving Castle the book, the movie, and  my fanfic below!

Hello!  So - this is me trying something a little different.  I’ve seen writers review / lampshade their works before so - this seems like a perfect time to go back and explain a few bits and share some rly dumb coincidences and try to help explain some random plotholes as they come about.

This is a Howl’s Moving Castle AU so - if you’ve seen the movie or read the book (and seriously - read the book!  It’s super neat!!) then a lot of it should be familiar.  This background commentary also has spoilers for - well, everything.  

Other random asides - the title comes from a line in a song called “Nothing in this World” by Taxiride.  No relevance, I’m just a music nerd.  

The biggest difference between the book and the movie is that the book is its protagonist.  There’s a joke that the movie is told from Howl’s perspective (where he is suave, tragic, romantic, and likable) whereas the book comes from Sophie’s (Howl is aggravating, annoying, over-dramatic, a liar).  But the bigger thing with the book is that Sophie, as the POV character, refuses to believe she’s the protagonist of a fantasy romance because she’s “too boring” to be a lead character.  She very stubbornly insists that she’s nothing special as she’s the eldest daughter of a well-off businessman and she doesn’t hate her stepmother all the while ignoring that she’s a very powerful witch that has the power to give “magic” to inanimate objects around her.  So - I guess I should start?

The wicked wizard Hugor was causing trouble in the highlands north of New Galatea.  His castle, a big, blackened assembly of sharp weapons and grey stones, sputtered around the rolling hills, disturbing all the goats and sheep and cows that normally spent their lives peacefully grazing on the highland grass and blue wildflowers.

This is how the book starts.

Few people lived, once they’d met Hugor in the flesh.  It was said he would descend into the town late at night and challenge young men to duels 

Kind of true, but only twice.

and feed their souls to his blood-red blade.  

Not true, if only because Felix doesn’t have a soul-sucking blade and red is a tacky color for it.

It was said he’d carve out the virtue of young maidens should they be outdoors after the sun disappeared beneath the horizon.  

Only once.  This is from the books (Howl eats hearts of the women he seduces) but it really paid off to include it!

It was said that his eyes glowed with burning hellfire where his heart had once been.

100% true and the first hint of a connection between Felix and Sylvain.

Dimitri did not care as much for the possessed sword bit.  But mostly, he was rather perturbed for the livestock.

Dimitri is very much a protector, even if it is only initially about goats and sheep and cows.  Their feelings matter too!

“My, they are getting quite large, aren’t they?  All of you will become the most impressive goats in all of Faerghus, won’t you?”  Dimitri asked as he leaned down to rub behind a black goat’s ear.  His owner, a rather short farmer named Albert, simply glowered at the sputtering black eyesore on the horizon.  

(It was true actually.  New Galatea’s livestock, without fail, took home the blue ribbons in the annual Faerghus Farming Fair.  Old Gertrude, a cow nearly as old as Dimitri, was the current record-holder for “Very Large Cow.”)

This is the first nod to Dimitri’s ‘power’ which is mostly to give blessings to others as well as affect reality in small ways.

I was trying not to go too broad because if this was longer and/or more dramatic, I imagine Dimitri would very much have a crisis of believing he could curse people with just a nasty word said.  But in general, Dimtiri’s “power” only works so long as he is not selfish with it and it’s up to “Faerghus” (the land / spirit of the land / whatever magic runs the country) to decide how to implement what Dimitri says.  So his control over his own abilities is actually very limited.

Whereas Felix, being a talented wizard, can do just about anything so long as he knows how to cast the spell properly.  

Tl;dr - Dimitri’s magic powers are significantly stronger but not really under his control due to the being a part of the royal line; Felix might be a little weaker but he’s also the one who can actively control his magic.

“They aren’t doing anything so long as that vagabond is drifting about.”  Albert huffed and stared pointedly at Dimitri.  “When’s your pa going to scare that ragamuffin off?”

I’d like to think the farmers of New Galatea are all secretly the type of people that live in a magical fantasy land and just say “Yeah, whatever, I have work to do.” and find the entire thing really silly.  If you’ve ever read Discworld, they’re meant to invoke Lancre where kings are seen as a necessity but very boring and not special if they can’t do a day’s farm work.

Dimitri awkwardly brushed a strand of hair behind his ear.  “Yes.  Well.”  He bowed.  “I will see what we can do.”

Dimitri’s hair is still very Boy Scout-esque in this fic although he’s been letting it grow just a little bit longer.

Albert nodded approvingly.  “Do that.  Can’t have the mayors falling down on the job with no king to guide us, you know.”

The king, it was said, was on his deathbed - yet another thing that had most of Faerghus uneasy.  The heir died many many years ago in a fire and the throne would inevitably fall to the king’s brother - by all accounts a lazy skirt-chaser who cared nothing for the Flame Witch to the high north or the Adrestian Empire to the south.

I… didn’t really think up much of a backstory here besides “fire.”  Ultimately it just came down to everyone losing track of the heir who somehow ended up in New Galatea orphaned and with amnesia but young enough that everyone kind of collectively assumed he was someone’s child.  Alois and Gertrude adopted him after his initial family died and Dimitri was brought up in a loving household despite the terrible, terrible puns.

“I will speak to my father upon my return.  Do give your wife my regards.”  Dimitri bowed once more and, after a moment, made sure to scratch the goat’s ear one last time.

 “Yes - it is very important indeed that we protect the cows.  Or should I say - provide sheepcurity.'' Alois, Sothis bless him, made a sharp snort before shaking his head.  “Really.  To have all this trouble at such a time - surely the Goddess is laughing at us.”

Alois was, by all accounts, a very caring man and an effective enough mayor for a small-sized town.  He was friendly and boisterous enough to handle crises and loud and physical enough to handle the vagrants that occasionally would come through and threaten the peace.  He’d taken care of Dimitri ever since Dimitri’s parents met an untimely death and indeed, Dimitri had not a single complaint of his upbringing save the occasional painful pun.

They were funny when he was a bb!Mitri.  “What do you get from a holy cow?” was his favorite.

“I could go up to the wizard and speak to him?”  Dimitri offered.  They were both sitting in the small, spartan mayor’s office as Alois parsed through letters and notes and muttered over a map of Faerghus.  Dimitri didn’t miss the several little red circles that indicated Adrestian forces drifting through, supposedly under the pretense of searching for some lost princess that disappeared years ago.

I really hesitated on including Edelgard here but I thought it would make a nice parallel that the two major countries lost their children, as well as that if you’re going to make the Flame Witch, there’s not many characters to draw from.  I’ll try and go into more detail later there though.

Lost princesses and dead princes and wizards and witches running about.  Perhaps Sothis really was playing some sort of joke upon Fodlan.

“You shouldn’t need to do anything, my boy.”  Alois reached out to pat Dimitri’s shoulder.  “You know, I heard Ashe did indeed receive knighthood at Gautier.  Perhaps you should follow his footsteps?  I hear they’re looking for young men to help with the border there and, after all, you’re quite adept with a spear.  I would hate to see you spend your life looking out for this place.”

Dimitri smiled although the effect was more than a little strained.  It was true - he remembered the day Ashe had set out and their last conversation where he’d reassured Ashe that he would certainly end up as a knight the second he set foot in Gautier.

Second mention of Dimtiri’s power, although it was really Ashe’s hard work.  Dimitri’s blessing just provides the ‘in.’  Dimtiri’s aware enough and empathetic enough to note things about people; his blessing just helps them achieve it.

And Mercedes, bless her, who went off to serve in the church.  Dimitri always did speak highly of her ability to soothe troubled souls.

Third.

And Dedue, his dear childhood friend, who had opened a restaurant to great aplomb, just as Dimitri knew he would.  Dedue had, Dimitri noted, never burned a meal in his life.

Fourth.  

But Dimitri was different.  He was not the son of a poor farmer who, as a general rule, found out they were related somehow to some long-lost nobility and had some great destiny to fulfill. He was not the youngest child who tended to rise to the greatest fame and fortune and he got along quite well with his little sister Hannah instead of some great sibling schism that always led to blood and tragedy.  He did not have any magic beans or long-lost artifact that needed to be returned to its owner.  He did not even have an evil stepmother as Alois’s wife Gertrude was quite kind and devoted to her children.

Very much invoking book!Sophie here and the “I can’t be a protagonist because protagonists fulfill very specific criteria.”  It’s not the refusal of the call - it’s assuming the call just has the wrong number and wants to talk to the farmboy three doors down.

This meant that Dimitri would forever live a life of mediocrity in a medium-sized town.  At some point, perhaps, he’d dreamed of more but he was happy enough.  Someone had to look out for the farmers and the sheep and manage merchant disputes.

Again invoking the book and the “Oh well this is good enough for me.”  I was a little unsure starting out as to whether it was Dimitri holding himself back out of obligation / duty to those around him or general unease about adventuring as Dimitri in canon very much has issues with duty and obligation and who to provide his duty to.  So - he’s looking at the small picture here, I guess, instead of following his own inner desires and has convinced himself that it’s all fine because someone has to do the small town jobs.

“Please don’t worry about me.”  Dimitri pulled a letter from the stack.  “I’m sure I’ll be quite fine.”

 New Galatea was considered a quaint pass-through to most of Faerghus.  Few people paid it any mind but no one spoke ill of it.  The weather was quite nice, especially in comparison to northern Faerghus’s bitter cold.  The inside of the town was usually bustling with activity as it had a rather well-known haberdashery 

This is Sophie’s career in the book and the movie.

and a bakery that sold the most delicious pastries made with the most impressive goat cheese around.  

This is what one of Sophie’s sisters does as she never wanted to be a magician and instead liked baking.  The book does a lot with “wrong assumptions all around.”

At the center of the town was an old, creaking water wheel that had gone through so many iterations and repairs over the years that no one could remember why it was built or what it looked like to begin with.

Idk - I just hadn’t written a water wheel yet?

Dimitri had memorized each route, each bridge, each door of the pathway.  He smiled pleasantly and greeted each and every member of the community and inquired politely about their goings-on.  Each afternoon he spent some time in a private area of the back alleys to perfect his lancework, just to spend some time gathering his thoughts together.

And yet this afternoon he felt somehow - small.  There was nothing unusual, aside from the speck of Hugor’s castle whirling around somewhere past the town limits.  There was no danger, no bandis, no upset merchants that he could tell.

It was just him.

Alone.

Trying to invoke a feeling of “It’s fine that I’ve done this 888 times before and will do 888 times more.”

Dimtiri thought of Ashe and then Dedue - perhaps one day he would venture out and visit them.  One day.  There was still so much that needed to be done and Alois certainly had his hands full as it was.  Perhaps - 

Dimitri felt eyes on him.

He turned, pausing to look up as someone drifted into his field of vision.  It was a young man - perhaps his age, if not slightly younger.  He wore soft blues and had dark hair and a sword tucked against his hip.

Dimitri fixates very heavily on Felix’s looks.  Everyone else will get a passing mention to set the scene but Dimitri always notes what Felix is wearing and his hair.

“May I help you?”  Dimitri asked politely.  Mercenaries and swordsmen weren’t an unusual sight but usually they stayed very close to the center of the town before going on their way.  This one was rather - 

Pretty - 

Perhaps a knight from one of the lords then?

“Where did you learn to do that?”  The stranger asked in a low, measured tone.  

Okay so - going ahead in the fic here as well as spoiling a good bit of the book.

Book lore - The  Witch of the Waste has almost been fully consumed by her fire demon.  The fire demon, needing a new host, goes after the wizard serving the king and takes him (literally) apart to build the “perfect” wizard.  His extra pieces become a dog, a skull, and a scarecrow.  There is a lot of “Because Magic” involved here.

Howl is of particular interest because he’s clever but also a coward and so keeps slipping out of the Witch’s grasp.  Howl thinks it’s because he jilted her which is - partially true, but also not really because the fire demon’s involved too and needs Howl to complete its new wizard host.  

Fic lore - Lambert sent Rodrigue and Glenn out to search for his missing son upon realizing that baby!Dima wasn’t dead at all.  Of the two, Rodrigue was captured by the (unnamed) demon and replaced / put under a deep sleep.

Glenn came to New Galatea as he was getting very close to figuring out Dimitri’s location because Glenn is an expert at investigation and hunting.  He runs into the Flame Witch who, under influence of her flame demon, tries to capture him.  Glenn had just enough time to shapeshift part of himself into a dog and run away. Glenn lives the normal life of a sheepdog even though a little part of his mind keeps fixating that he’s supposed to do something important.

Upon “Rodrigue’s” return to Fhirdiad, Felix recognizes that the “person” isn’t his father and so he bolts to hide out in his very own castle (which isn’t really a castle so much as a small cottage with moving rooms hiding behind the guise of a scary sword-castle) while still trying to track down his older brother and figure out what to do.  This is also hindered by him starting to lose himself as Sylvain can’t help but burn through Felix’s heart which makes him less and less empathetic and ‘good.’

And so - Felix goes to New Galatea where he coincidentally runs into a most attractive young man who is wielding his lance suspiciously exactly like the king in his younger years.

Dimitri awkwardly spun his lance around, more out of habit than showing off.  “I taught myself.”

The swordsman raised an eyebrow.  He stepped closer, slowly - 

Dimitri lifted his weapon just as the stranger charged.  He blocked a high blow, then a lower one, then he whirred around to counter as his opponent deftly swung his blade downwards.

On impulse, Dimitri shoved his weapon forward, catching the stranger in his sternum.  He fell back to the ground and Dimitri pressed the blunt tip of his spear against the other’s stomach.

Hey you remember the wicked wizard challenging young men to duels?  Good thing he didn’t have a soul-sucking blade!

Dimitri and Felix should always meet in a duel it is romance.

And then Dimitri jerked back, flushed and embarrassed.

The stranger ‘s expression remained neutral but there was a slight upturn of his lips.  “You’re good.”

Felix, inwardly, “Oh.  He’s hot and talented.”

“Oh.  No.”  Dimitri shook his head, trying to settle the solid thud of his heart.  “I do apologize for my recklessness.”

The stranger stood up, casually brushing the stray dirt off his trousers.  He tucked his sword back in its sheath and went back to considering Dimitri.

“Hot and talented and probably the king’s son.”

“You could come with me, you know.”  He tilted his chin northwards.  “I’m headed for Fhirdiad.”

Felix is being self-indulgent here because sparring partner?  That wins?  That might be the prince?  He’s still not going to admit to being the son of the duke though because Felix is also avoiding that particular subject and you don’t want to tip off that someone is really the prince unless you’re absolutely certain.

Dimitri bowed his head apologetically.  “That’s not necessary.  I am quite happy here.”

“”Be that way then.”  The stranger sniffed disdainfully.  “Keep living as some old, stubborn bore.”

“Why good looking maybe-prince not want to spar with me?  :|”

And then he turned on his heel and walked off, not sparing a moment’s glance backwards.

Dimitri gripped his lance and wondered why he felt so - disappointed.

“Why good looking mysterious swordsman just spurn me?  :(“

 That night he stood in his very small room and stared into his very small mirror and sighed.  

“Perhaps I really am an old boar after all.”

And this is where Dimitri creates his own curse.

He did not sleep very well.

 Rain moved in to the highlands the next day.  Dimitri did not remember the scholars predicting such but New Galatea weather was rather fickle.

Second part of the entire Dimitri is a magical prince bit - he can (passively) affect the weather.  I really want to do a more overt Fisher King Dimilix AU someday but this is not it.

Alois packed his things and announced he would set out to speak to the regional governor to try and shoo off the bothersome wizard.  Dimitri smiled and promised to mind the mayor’s office so that Gertrude and Hannah could accompany Alois on his journey.

Perhaps it was his bout yesterday but he’d noted a dull pain in his joints.  If that was how one felt after a spar, he could only imagine the aches Ashe received!

Still, it was quiet.  Few people would venture out in such a heavy downpour.  Dimitri read through tax form after tax form and then, after that started to give him an odd case of eye strain, he turned his attention to the map of Faerghus.

This is to hint that he’s already aging rapidly here.

The door opened.

He blinked, looking up to see a small woman in bright red silk and black furs.  Her light, almost white hair was fixed in tight braids.  She carried herself with a grace Dimitri rarely saw around New Galatea.

Edelgard / Flame Witch is trying to track down Felix.  At some point in the past they had an altercation where he cut out a small piece of her heart as he recognized the same fire demon connection as he had.  It was partially a mercy, partially Felix being vindictive because he thinks she’s responsible for Glenn’s disappearance.  (She is, but not the reason for it!)

I didn’t write / create a full backstory for either of them but they both made a connection with their fire demons when they were young teenagers and a little more reckless than is healthy.  The difference is that Sylvain’s pretty easy-going and he and Felix are fast friends whereas Edelgard’s demon is greedy and malicious and burning through her pretty darned fast so she’s lost much more of her humanity.  If Dimitri didn’t cut the curse when he did, Felix too would eventually become super-cruel and warped and fixate only on things like swords and himself.

“May I help you?”  Dimitri asked, trying to sit up straight.  Something inside felt wary; almost hesitant under her gaze.  A mouse waiting to see what a cat would do to them.

“What did he want with you?”  The woman asked, crossing her arms.  “The wizard?”

Dimitri’s brain stuttered.  “I beg your pardon?”  He hadn’t ever met a wizard - not in all the years he’d been about.  Surely he’d remember such.  Wizards were rare and, aside from the wicked ones, served as advisors to royalty.

“I know he found you.”  She pursed her lips.  “There’s no need to be coy.”

Dimitri just does not want to think he’s a protagonist in a story here.

Dimitri rubbed at the bridge of his nose.  “I can assure you - no one found me.  I have no idea who you’re - “

He stopped.

The swordsman yesterday did not have glowing eyes.  He most definitely did not perform any magic.  Surely it was not - 

No.  This woman was - was quite dangerous.  He could tell.  “I’m sorry.  I cannot help you.”

“Very well then.”  The woman took one step back.  “Continue to be stubborn, if you must.  I’ll find him one way or another.”  She turned to head back towards the door and paused, her hand hovering against the doorknob.  “By the way - you will not be able to tell a soul about that little curse of yours.  Have a good day.”

Edelgard does curse him, but only that he can’t speak about his situation.  Dimitri’s just not aware of it because magic likes semantics.

I didn’t want Edelgard to be overly-malicious here because she’s basically Felix’s parallel and a lot of it is limited to Dimitri’s very limited POV.  She never actively harms Dimitri because well, she’s just after Felix for taking away her heart and the flame demon working through her.

And then she was gone.

Dimitri rubbed at his nose again, tired, somehow even more aching and - 

He looked down, startled to see wrinkles on his skin.  There was an unfamiliar age spot against his knuckle, and then another.

He tried to jump to his feet but his bones protested with each and every aching movement.  He shuffled weakly to the nearest mirror and stared - 

An old man with ghostly white hair stared back at him.  His skin was covered in wrinkles and age spots and his nose was more snout than human.  Atop his wispy hair were two pig-ears, folded over and downright absurd.

In retrospect I… kind of needed to write the pig-nose part better.  I handwaved it with most of the people Dimitri interacts with are just used to magic shenanigans and too polite to ask what’s going on there.

Well.

Dimitri felt strangely distant as his own hand went up to touch the wrinkly pig-man’s face.  He felt skin like dry paper, hardly that of a young man.

Distantly, he went to the back area of the mayor’s office and gathered some plain cheese and dried bread, a coat and, after a moment of guilt, reached for one of Gertrude’s old light blue shawls.  He tied it slowly around his face and shrugged the coat on, noting how much heavier the fabric felt.

In my first draft I forgot about the raining business and nearly had him going outside completely unprepared.  Glad that I caught it!

Before he left, he wrote a short, one-paragraph letter in scrawling, shaking handwriting that he was most sorry but was going off due to an unforeseen circumstance.

The farmers would not be pleased to meet with an old man, let alone one with a pig nose and pig ears.  The sheep would be put off too, surely.  Best not to upset anyone, let alone Alois and Gertrude who would be most troubled about taking care of an old man.

Sophie leaves in an equally shocked / distant state of “Oh.  I guess this is fine.”

There was no one in New Galatea that could undo curses.  Perhaps no one at all aside from another witch or wizard, and Dimitri doubted he would run into one on the side of the road!

Dimitri messing with Fate again here.

Slowly, carefully, Dimitri left the mayor’s office.  He made sure to turn the sign in the window to “CLOSED” and apologized profusely for failing in his duties.  

In my first draft I forgot about him switching the sign over and was like “GASP he would not be so irresponsible as to leave the place unlocked!!”

He tugged a coat tight around his shoulders and walked slowly, the rain pelting on his head, towards the highlands.

There was nothing to be done about it but leave after all.

[ladyxxdaydream]

he really did that!!!! "it's designer, darling, and getting blood out of it isn't cheap" meanwhile!! this same idiot would kiss yuuri's skate in front of the whole stadium AND the world without even a hint of hesitation. bless him.

It’s true •́ ‿ ,•̀ an icon.

Also when Victor thought it’d be a good idea to break yuuri’s heart before he skates, as of that would calm his anxiety, and then was surprised when it worked??

“Oh! It shattered!” Lmao??? Like?? What did you expect victor goddddd

And that one scene, where they’re eating with Yurio at the inn, and victor asks yuuri what Eros means to him and he loudy proclaims Katsudon (which to be fair, eating the thing you love most is honestly sensual?? So yuuri I support you 100% bb) but the NEXT scene is Yurio and yuuri at the rink and yuuri is like where’s victor? And yurio is like...”they say he was drinking until dawn” LMAO like dude got wasted because he wasn’t yuuri’s Eros. I can’t even imagine the bartender or whatever poor soul had to listen to his lovesick ramblings. “What’s going on why doesn’t he want me am I not sexy how do I be more sexy I literally stood naked in front of him in the onsen I have a great body I’m hot w h y” jeifjrkbrkffkfkf

[iloveyoupittsburghpirates-blog]

I Can’t Keep Doing This, Pittsburgh Pirates

My Dearest Pittsburgh Pirates,

I guess this week could have gone worse. Whether it was getting one-hit and losing because two runs scored due to a slippery outfield, or going 0 for 13 with runners in scoring position, or scoring seven runs but losing by a run, and then in the next two days giving up five combined runs and losing both games. You have played bad baseball while losing 16 of your last 22 games but you have also had some poor luck. That’s still no excuse. You’re losing close games, which is the mark of a bad team. You did manage to pull off an impressive win today against the Cubs to avoid the sweep, but you have slipped far off the pace. You’re a game below .500, seven games out of first place, and five games out of a Wildcard spot with seven teams in front of you. You’re only a third of the way into the season and it’s hard to imagine you playing worse than you have over the last month, but you do always find ways to surprise me. Time to refocus and try to win some baseball games because your opponents don’t get any easier. If you don’t soon, this season will be over long before the All-Star break.

Austin Meadows looks extraordinarily real deal right now. We don’t know for sure how long this will last because we’ve obviously seen Josh Bell regress a considerable amount from his rookie year. Meadows’ splits are currently .356/.385/.561 for a 1.056 OPS with five homers, four doubles, three triples and three stolen bases in only 73 at bats. His BABIP of .356 is well above average which means that he’s due for a fall. He has a quick, short swing which helps with his contact and should keep his strikeout numbers down. He also doesn’t seem to struggle against lefties unlike some other lefty hitters on the roster. Obviously, it’s a small sample size but he’s batting .435 against lefties in 23 at bats. His defense is more than competent and his speed is an asset. He still hasn’t found his clutch gene yet with only one hit in nine at bats with runners in scoring position, but he was the NL Rookie of the Month for May and you desperately need him to work out. Your track record recently with developing top-tier talent has been less than stellar to say the least. My expectations for him, even after discussing him after his debut week, has elevated immensely.  I know people are clamoring for him to play everyday given his start and I understand the impulse. It’s important to keep in mind that Meadows has dealt with multiple injuries all through the minors. He also isn’t used to playing a full season in the majors because they play twenty less games in the minors than the pros. Meadows should be your everyday starter but everyone shouldn’t freak out over a day off here and there if you want to preserve his health.

I like Clint Hurdle but this season hasn’t been his best job. I’ve openly complained about some of his bullpen decisions this year and I also don’t agree with some roster decisions (more on that later) but those aren’t always his call. His lineup decisions are always highly ridiculed especially since Austin Meadows’ promotion. While I’m mostly okay with rotating the four outfielders, I do have some objections. Gregory Polanco finally had a clutch hit today, but he’s been playing too much. He should be relegated to two starts per week instead of the four he got this week. The even more egregious decision came on Saturday against lefty Jon Lester. In a game where you were one-hit and shutout, Hurdle started Polanco over Corey Dickerson. Dickerson has splits of .333/.370/.451 against lefties this season for a .821 OPS in 51 at bats. Conversely, Polanco’s splits against lefties this season are .154/.283/.333 for a .616 OPS in 39 at bats. For his career, he has a .593 OPS against lefties. There is no excuse for ever starting Polanco against a lefty especially one as good as Lester. If Hurdle’s feeling is he never wants to bench the lefty Dickerson against a righty, then maybe the answer is just starting Polanco less. I know you have years and money invested in him, but his career OPS of .718 is showing us what Polanco truly is. He’s a well-below average defender who can’t hit a pitch on the inside third of the plate. He has a negative WAR this season and even his .236 BABIP gives me very little hope. I don’t want to use this icky word, but I feel it’s the only one to describe Polanco: Bust. And Hurdle better never start him against a lefty ever again.

What’s wrong with Josh Bell? I know that I’ve complained consistently about Polanco, and with due right, but Bell’s OPS is currently 39 points lower than Polanco’s which seems nearly impossible to imagine. Bell’s splits of .237/.318/.368 for a .686 OPS caused him to finally get moved out of the cleanup spot this weekend. His OPS is right now the worst out of any starter on the team including the perennial mediocre hitter, Jordy Mercer. His slugging percentage has dropped almost 100 points from last season and he’s on pace for a dozen less homers this year. When you traded Cutch this off-season, I assumed Bell would be the heir-apparent the team’s offensive throne. After a season in which he finished third in Rookie of the Year voting, Bell has been a horrible disappointment. Even while he’s improved as a defender, he’s still nowhere near average. His value is strictly as a hitter and he’s been 70 points below average in OPS. Maybe this is just a sophomore slump. Teams tend to figure hitters weaknesses out. They don’t throw them as many fastballs or as many pitches over the plate. Sometimes it can take time for a hitter to readjust and figure out a way to beat those pitchers again. Sometimes they never figure it out. Let’s hope Bell is the former and not the latter.

The brutal schedule continues tomorrow. You travel west to take on the first place Arizona Diamondbacks and the red-hot, year in and year MVP candidate, Paul Goldschmidt. He was off to a slow start this season, but he’s gone absolutely crazy this last week. His splits this week are .667/.708/1.476 for a ridiculous 2.185 OPS with four homers, nine RBI’s, and five doubles. They’ve won seven of their last ten games and lead the NL West by 2 ½ games. Beating them at all will be difficult and beating them at home will be even harder. You get a day off Thursday before beginning a ten game homestand against the last place Reds, so you do get a reprieve from contending teams. They hold the worst record in the NL and the third worst record in baseball. That didn’t stop them from taking two out of three from you in a series a couple weeks ago. You better take advantage of them because the week after that is seven games against two first place teams, the Brewers and Diamondbacks. You’ve lost seven straight series. You can’t continue playing at this level if you have any hopes of contending. I’ve been saying the same thing for weeks and I’m honestly sick of it. Play better baseball. Simple as that. Next week’s letter better allow me to be more optimistic. Take care…

                                                                                      Extraordinarily Fed Up,

                                                                                                    Brad

P.S. stands for Picking Starters and as far as the rotation goes, I have a complaint. Today, Nick Kingham was optioned to Triple-A yet again to make room for Ivan Nova’s return. To be fair, Nova pitched well today (5 2/3 IP 4 H 1 ER 2 BB 8 K) beating the Cubs. Kingham has arguably been your most consistent starter lately. He pitched well on Saturday (6 1/3 IP 4 H 2 ER 2 BB 5 K) and the two runs scored only because Starling Marte slipped in the outfield on wet grass. It’s honestly crazy those are considered earned runs but that’s the way it works. Kingham has a 3.82 ERA and an insanely low 0.99 WHIP. We’ve discussed this before and I know you need to limit his innings, but there’s no excuse for not having your five best pitchers on the roster. Maybe this move will only be temporary, but you better fix it and fix it soon…