#10 Days of Freedom
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Selections from my Hobonichi Techo so far :)
#doodles#non-fandom stuff#hobonichi tag#hobonichi techo#day planner#there's actually a lot more i was thinking of adding but i think these 10 are pretty good#I'm having a lot of fun!!#last time i had the techo was in 2020 and i didn’t end up working much in it#bc when the pandemic started i just like... lost all motivation to work in it#now I'm combining my journal habit from the nolty planners I was using with the freedom for doodles that the hobonichi provides#can't wait to see what else i'll do!! i'll post other stuff another time!!!
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Officially out of the office from tomorrow until January 2. Praise the lord.
#hilary for ts#remote work tomorrow + thurs#then vacation time starting friday#at this rate i will be surprised if the whole department doesn't burn down without me#but yes finally freedom#at least for 10 days#and much needed
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Magenta 😟
#I've had cognitive impairment from covid before but not to where i feel intellectually dumb when i write#my college papers and my writing projects dont sound like “me” as of late#its very bare bones and doesn't have the descriptiveness or humanity i normally give#like i see the scenes or what i want to say in my head#but what i type aint matching up#and yeah i naturally get into slumps like that but this is like that slump x 9000#I'm kinda scared this round might've given me brain damage#havent been feeling all the way like myself#but i also know too that covid takes a while to heal from and of course theres long covid shit which ive dealt with before#im just frustrated guys#i feel like within the last 3 to 4 months i finally healed from my last bout of rona#and i get it again and im back to square one#i just want to write and feel okay with it and not feel so stuck just trying to come up with a basic sentence#seriously even writing basic shit is hard right now#it took me a week to get 5 pages on duality#and im used to churning out at least 10 pages on my projects at minimum every couple days to a week#man give me chronic pain anyday but don't take away my mind and the freedom that comes with that#sorry guys im feeling sad#i know i gotta give myself time but im impatient#i hate how right before i caught covid again i was gonna get my flu shot and an updated covid vax#wish i could've avoided this crud#having weird chest shit too#was a heart thing now its gerd now its potentially back to a heart thing#im tired#i need a hug#i love you 🫂💙#magenta is my vent word
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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But…
Don’t stop the fight for equal rights!
Let your voice be heard!
And for those in a bad mental place, here are some links to posts that can provide you with helplines if you need:
Post 1
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Post 6
Never forget, you are loved 🩷
#hopefully some funny images can help lighten this heavy subject#us politics#stay safe out there#tw flashing#WARNING: tags will go into subjects of suicide and child death. be warned!#today (nov 6) marks 5 years since one of my friends killed himself. not a day goes by where I don't think of him. he's the reason I'm here#when all those anti trans laws went through I felt like there was no hope. the reason why I stayed was because of the impact he had on me#I knew that if I died I would leave my family in the same pain his death caused me#we didn't know much about each other. we just talked while we walked to our bus. the conversations usually lasted 10 minutes tops#then one day he stopped coming. it was cold and flu season so I thought he was sick#a month later (nov 6) I found out he had shot himself after being heavily bullied and his life support was being unplugged. he was only 14.#please don't die. people do care about you.#(for those who will be concerned: I'm doing a lot better now. lexapro has been saving my ass and my current life situation has granted me#more freedom so I'm a lot happier now)#mint mumbles
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Watching Freedom Writers still hit as bloody hard as it did when I was 16 and lonely as hell. I may have watched it a dozen times, but I still cry just as hard as I did back then. When they meet the Holocaust survivors and read Anne Frank's diary, when they read their own journals, when they become friends and start helping each other, when Miss G keeps fighting day in and day out to get her kids listened to and respected, when Eva goes through her breakdown... I cry so much. This movie, this story, these real people, they are powerful and important, a lesson that must be remembered always: the power of culture, the power of education, the power of solidarity, communication, exchange and compassion.
#freedom writers#erin gruwell#list of favourite movies#rapha talks#was surfing channels on the tv and ended up on it and it's one of my favourite movies ever#did not expect to start crying while having dinner with my grandfather#i discovered the movie 10 years or so ago when i was living with my grandfather actually#and back then i would blast the soundtrack loud in my ears while walking to school every day#it helped against the loneliness and the homesickness and the feelings of isolation and melancholy#when they meet the woman who hid anne frank and she talks about ordinary people doing what's right - that hits right in the heart
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seeing photos of a time when i was the happiest and mourning being 14 :')
#and now knowing that my best friend was the lowest she had ever been#i love her so much i want to go back and give her a hug#bc its all gonna be okay!!! shes now doing her masters and is happy w her husband !!!#yesterday i dresmt about her being dead so the timing of my mom sending the pics is great#i havent seen her since november i miss her#ALSO i know most people hated being 14 but that was the happiest time of my life!!!!!#before high school...... having a large friend group........#our 10 year graduation anniversary is this year.........#i love being an adult and having freedom but why cant i be forever in middle school with my friends#nett rambles#shit i havent taken my meds in days FUCK
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actually wait guys. i just took a 6 week t break and it was nothing. im so proud of me actually
#now was i bored and exasperated? sure i mean who wouldnt be#and it would have been a 10 week t break if my coworker didnt give me a hit of his pen on his last day in celebration of his freedom#so i think i've actually done pretty well#tw weed#is that necessary#idk just in case
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Traintober Day 8: Bird
“Two birds on a wire One tries to fly away And the other watches him close from that wire He says he wants to as well But he is a liar
I'll believe it all There's nothing I won't understand
I'll believe (I'll believe) it all I won't let go of your hand”
Two birds on a wire totally fits Stanley x Kyle/OrangeChai angst: Out of both, only one survives, broken and with clipped wings….
I…I like to believe that Kyle still attempts to communicate with Stanley, not just with the fireflies but perhaps other ways? I’ve been rereading stories of people’s loved ones coming back to them in the form of animals and I know for sure Kyle would come back to him to keep him company, slowly help him heal and give a sense of security..
After all, the dove has many symbols as someone in mourning is often viewed as a visitation from the deceased loved one. The person in mourning senses a message of hope or encouragement from their deceased loved one.…
#ttte#traintober 2023#traintober#the railway series#rws#rws stanley#ttte stanley#ttte proteus#proteus#kyle proteus#my art#my art <3#my art stuff#currently making myself cry 😭 with this thought cause though he’s a spirit now he’ll try his hardest to try and give Stanley peace#I know golden fruit doves 🕊️ are only found in Fiji but this would totally fit considering the dives symbolism as peace and freedom#Took that one tidbit from an article and plus Kyle’s magic 🪄 got a story in mind that Stanley gets followed by so many critters later on#First fireflies then a dove 🕊️ when he visited Kyle’s makeshift grave to talk about his day and it didn’t leave his side when he worked#Rn viaduct will be lat and I’ll combined 10/10 and day 10 together haha but considers Kyle’s tendency to downplay situations mainly his so#He lies to protect Stanley cause he know how badly Stanley’s is being treated he can only do so much his connections his luck 🍀 ends And 😭#Also despite being quite skeptical at first thanks to his pessimism and Jinx (tugs boomer inspired there) Stan instantly believes it’s Kyle#Cause I also got a story that Kyle mentions in Hindu culture that one gets reincarnated and stan’s msr coworkers respectfully remain silent
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#today is my last day of freedom before im back in the work grind#its been 10 months#wish me luck#new job scary
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*scream*
(ventpost)
"you know you're getting a bit old for meeting people if you want kids"
WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!
Who chose to raise us in the middle of the the fucking woods?!
Who actively deliberately isolated us from our ethnic community because you were embarrassed by how we were failures and your internalized self racism makes you think all brown men as skeevy and you specifically wanted to keep us away from them and put effort into achieving that and cutting us off from all community connection?
Who let me switch to correspondence school and study alone at home because I said I was bored, instead of giving a single solitary fuck about me and noticing I was obviously depressed?
Who raised us abstinence only to the point that any mixing with the 'opposite' sex was unacceptable?
Who actively shut down any attempt I made to develop or act on hobbies or personal interests, because the only think I should be doing is studying?
Do you think that somehow the negative effects of keeping kids at home only allowed to do schoolwork and chores and unable to drive unable to leave the house unable to get a job unable to engage in hobbies unable to engage in community unable to leave the house... somehow the negative effects only apply if you're deliberately doing it for patriarchal cult reasons?
Bitch managed to raise us fully traditional entirely by accident
With a good dash of learned helplessness with constant messaging that were incapable of managing to do anything or survive by ourselves
I've only been out the house for 3 years! And 2 of that was the last year of the degree and the first year of the job being a new grad Covid nurse in peak Covid!
I've only been able to breathe for one year!
I've had one year of freedom and I've been using it to learn how to be human for the first time!
And you've spent that year telling me to break up with everyone I happen to meet!
Don't fucking tell me I'm too old now
You were supposed to help me!
You knew I wanted kids! Why didn't you help me earlier!
You did everything you could to keep me isolated because you were projecting your own trust issues onto me and never stopped to think what effect that might have when you're raising someone!
Why does generational trauma have to be so mundane
#Vent post#Negativity#My posts#My life#Aka I have spent one single evening with my family#Day 1 of a full 30 days#Luckily I'll be with my dad not my mother#The way he doesn't care about me is a lot less sharp for me these days at least#He saves that all for not giving a shit about my sibling#I'm going on a quest to reconnect with my family and heritage#This is a great start#.... She's not wrong tbh#But it's still a sore spot#Haydn's parents bought me supplies for the hobbies I want to try#Ive wanted to do them for 10 years#But I've only just now got the freedom and support to start#I'm a beginner now at everything#But I'm starting.#I'm starting.#Just let me live.#Without making mundane things into stress.#Haydn's mum is so nice.#I know mine is stressed and has a hard life too#But she's miserable for the same reason I am#Right#Flight tomorrow#Gotta sleep#And think morw positive thoughts#My birthday just gone is the best one#Thank you for making me feel loved
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i'm making a smocked skirt inspired by minhote/vianese folk skirts and i just realized i can't use red, yellow and green together for the smock cross-stitch bc it looks too much like the portuguese flag and i don't want to get the wrong vibe and bring salazar back from the dead or smth
#its going to have fufa (dyke in pt) embroidered in the center so i think im safe from the fascist folk revivalist but yk...#forever complaining about portugal not changing the gross colonial flag to a carnation inspired flag during the revolution#but anyway 10 days until freedom day !! we should all go collectively piss on salazar's grave imo
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#mark explicitly said he's tired orz please give him 10 business days of freedom#&like. is hc......idk whats spurring him into all this body shape talk its getting kind of wild exactly how much hes talking abt it#idgi but its unfortunate#i was rooting for u bro#full sun#minhyung#nct
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I think I’ve been horribly burned out for the past year ahaha
#Let’s be real: I‘ve been burned out since fifth grade… but it’s worse now than it ever was#I wake up at around 10:00 or 11:00 and loiter in my room until 2:00 and by that time it feels like I failed to start my day#and like everything is a waste so I do nothing#Can’t use the bathroom without interviewing myself in the mirror and whispering for hours on end#so I’m dehydrated from whispering#and for some reason I’m afraid to engage in all my hobbies#Tumblr isn’t a hobby#Reddit isn’t a hobby#They’re time killers#I don’t write whump on here anymore and I feel like a fraud keeping my username as it is#The only time I ever do things is when it’s for other people#and when I do things for other people it’s like a switch gets flipped and I instantly want to give them everything I have#because I won’t feel like I deserve the things I want to do for myself so I’m serially codependent apparently#and when I do try to help people; my best never ends up being enough and only exacerbates the situation#and everyone wants more from me than I can give#I just want one thing I do for someone to work right the first time and end cleanly so I can get some fucking satisfaction#And if I think it’s working smoothly; I never have proof that it came to fruition because I can’t read people’s minds#“There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving” my ASS#I don’t like receiving either… it’s uncomfortable#besides I don’t want anything that can be given to me; I want freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms#that’s it#I will be happy if I can have freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms
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Rabbi Leo Dee responded with dignity and wisdom after a Palestinian terrorist murdered his wife and two daughters. He asked for April 10 to be remembered as Dees Day, encouraging people to make the world a better place. He spoke powerfully against the moral equivalence people make between terrorist aggressors and their victims. He discussed how he and his wife, Lucy, “value life over anything else”. That’s the difference between Rabbi Dee and the terrorist savage that devastated his family. Stand with Rabbi Leo Dee against the evils of terrorism and Jew-hatred. Don’t defend the terrorist or his supporters.
#bereaved parents#rabbi leo dee#stand with leo dee#april 10#dees day#make the world a better place#peace#choose life#life#freedom#pro israel#stand with israel#israeli flag#israeli#british-israeli#politics#media#bereavement#stop terrorism#terrorism#palestinian terrorism
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THE ANON WHO SENT ME THE ASK ABT THE JAMES BOND PLAYLISTOHMYGOD? OHMY GOD ILOVE U I WILL GIVE U A LONG ASS ANSWER IN A DAY OR 2 BUT OH MY GOD EVEN AT FIRST GANCE U GET IT
#ALLIES OR ENEMIES?ACHILLES COME DOWN?#I LOVE YOU LIKE AN ALCHOLIC ???#EVERYBODY WANTS TO URLETHE WORLD?? ANON YOU ARE REACHING INTO MY HEAD. ANON. ANON COME HERE.#james bond#007#losing my fucking mind if it wasnt 3am and i didnt have midterms in 10 days and 3 lab reports to write. if only#HELP ME MAKETHE MOST OF FREEDOM. NOTHING EVER LASTS FORVEVER. IAM UNHINGED AND DERANGED#personal shit tm
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