#shit i havent taken my meds in days FUCK

[ambrosykim]

seeing photos of a time when i was the happiest and mourning being 14 :')

[stormyrainyday]

this entire year has been flop after flop why am i losing so bad your honor i am literally just some guy

[angelstrawbabie420]

u ever seriously wonder if ur gonna make it thru the year

[bhalspawn]

oh my god it took me 3 playthroughs to get the joke about the delamain car called clarice. jfc

[thedeathwitchescats]

My collection of tips for people who are just now developing a chronic illness or just now realizing they have one. ((As someone who has only been struggling with mine for a little over a year))

-dont blame yourself for not being able to do what you used to. Your body used to do its job to a better degree than it does now. You are not lazy bc your taking more breaks or bc you cant get out of bed. Your taking care of yourself. I struggle with this all the time. Especially considering my living situation. Shit doesnt get done when I dont do it but I simply cant sometimes.

-that leads me into my next point. Take advantage of your good days, but dont overwork yourself just bc your "not feeling chronically ill." When you have the energy, start the laundry, do the dishes, take out the trash, but still take breaks as needed

-keep a set of your meds literally everywhere. I have a pill box I specifically keep in my car with a weeks worth of my morning meds. I have a three sets of my most important meds in my bag at all times. I have pain meds stashed in every crevasse they could be stashed. Trust me, when your running late and you get half way to work before you realize you havent taken your meds your gonna want to be able to reach into your glove box and take them rq

-buy the mobility aid. You think you need a brace bc a specific joint hurts like hell and wont stay in place?? Get it. You cant walk for long periods of time and think a cane would help?? Get it. You think a shower chair would do you good so you dont pass out with shampoo in your eyes and naked?? Get it. Just get it. Walmart sells canes for under ten bucks and they work really well. They also have extra tips in a two back for 2.50. Dollar tree has braces and like 12 different pain creams. Five below also has some braces and quite a few pain relief options. You can also get them cheap on sites like shein or Amazon and sometimes depop. ((I know I know, dont support those sites but a bitch is broke and two bucks for compression socks is a fucking steal)) You can also sometimes find wheelchairs and canes and crutches at goodwill. It isnt a guarantee but its a good option if you need smt cheap. ((Be careful and check that their not broken before you buy))

-take the pain meds. Put on the pain cream. Ice that joint. You dont get brownie points for toughing it out and it will help your health in the long run. If someone looks at you like your weak for taking smt to help with your pain, their the problem, not you.

-create a good support system. Find the people who will drop their brand new iced coffee to stop you from slamming your head into the ground during a fainting spell. They are out there. Find them and hold onto them for dear fucking life

-try to make the best of what you can do every day. Put on cute earrings. Buy cute compression socks. Get braces that fit your vibe. Put stickers on your mobility aids. Put pins on your bag. Carry a cute weighted stuffie for when you need some extra comfort. Make the most of what you are capable of doing.

[star-dust-shark]

pjo incorrect quotes as things me and people I know have said on crack

Jason: these grapes are funky

Leo: these grapes are fucky

Leo: *drops sandwich, cries*

-

Nico: I will never forget the fact that Piper and I where sitting together with headphones on and she looked up only to see me playing air guitar and head banging to whats my age again

-

Solangelo: *kith*

Will: *walking away with a dorky grin*

Will: *almost gets hit by car*

Will: *gets home and screams into pillow for twenty minutes, then picks up diary and writes like five pages about Nico, then texts him for like an hour and a half and afterwards draydreams about him*

Will: hmm I think I might like Nico

-

Leo: imagine having sex and someone moans like a hentai girl lol

Percy: *moans* KyAAaaaAAHHHhhhhhh

-

Reyna: bro apologized like Colleen Ballinger

Reyna: like fuck off I hope you die

Percy: tOxiC GosSiP tRaiN

Jason: not a groomer

Leo: *hair flip* just a loser

-

Piper: Im horny- I mean horngry- I mean- *cries*

-

Nico: mentally I am a fifty year old man

Will: yeah totally not obvious mister motley crue

-

Leo: jason

Leo: I have something to tell you

Jason: yeah?

Leo: Im gay

Jason: WHAT

Jason: NO WAY THATS CRAZY

-

Annabeth: my wrist hurts

Percy: emooooooooooo

Annabeth: I literally sprained it wtf

-

Hazel: no you cant commit mass genocide Nico

Nico: its pride month this is homophobic

-

Reyna: okay how about we play the quiet game

Reyna: whoever wins gets my two dollars

Reyna: three, two, one, ghost town

Frank:

Leo:

Percy:

Annabeth:

Jason:

Nico:

Leo: *face red, fists clenched, rocking back and forth*

Everyone: *concerned looks*

Leo: I cant- IM A BITCH IM A BOSS IM A BITCH AND A BOSS AND I SHINE LIKE GLOSS

-

Piper: your moms hot

Jason: lol what she ugly asf

-

Will: im concerned with your eating habits, Nico

Nico:

Will: its very serious Im kinda scared

Nico:

Nico: womp womp

-

Jason: would you suck my dick if-

Percy: yes

Jason:

Jason: if there was poison in it and I would die if you didnt

-

Leo: ive learnt something interesting

Leo: my arm skin one day may be cut off and turned into a penis

Leo: therefore...

Leo: *bumps arm into Jason*

Leo: JESUS JASON STOP TOUCHING MY PENIS

Jason: WHAT

-

*talking on tumblr*

Hazel: wyd

Frank: jus on tumblr and talking to you

Hazel: lol nerd imagine

-

Hazel: *bats eyelashes* what does gyat mean

Frank: uhh It means generous young amazing t-

Leo: GORL YA ASS THEEK

-

Rachel: Im so single

Will: skill issue? L ratio? no rizz? no game? no bitches?

-

Percy: I havent taken my meds

Annabeth: oh no good gods

Percy: so that means

Percy: I will either try to kill myself orrrrr

Percy: like violently fuck someone

Jason: I volunteer

Jason: I volunteer as tribute

-

Nico: hey girl *winks* r u a racoon

Nico: bc Im trash

Nico: *bursts into tears*

-

Annabeth: *walks into bathroom, sees spider*

Annabeth: *yelps* oh

Annabeth: hello mister spider

Annabeth: youre not so bad

Spider: *moves*

Annabeth: FUCK NAH PERCY WERE MOVING PACK YO BAGS

-

Jason: *hits knee* oh fuck- my knee-

Leo: okay

Jason: *scared* ur gonna fuck my knee????

-

Thalia: I am now a tree a tree I am a tree is me

-

Nico: im actually kinda insecure about my knees weirdly enough

Will: aww bb :(

Will: well I think you uh

Will: ...have beautiful knees???

-

Nico: *jokingly* I can read your mind

Will: oh no

Will: oh shit

Will: thats not good

Nico: it cant be that bad

Will:

Nico: are these thoughts about me, per chance?

Will: WHAAAAT NOOO *hangs up*

-

Leo: daddy hands, twig nerd bod

-

Leo: im confused why can girls call their friends girlfriends but whenever I call Jason my boytoy twink malewife manwhore someone gets pissed

-

Hazel: yeah, this guys really annoying me

Frank: ugh im gonna fist him

Hazel: ...

Frank: what

Frank: like beat him up?

Hazel:

-

Percy: my friend thinks youre cute

Annabeth: what? who?

Percy: me

Percy: Im the friend

Percy: I think ur cute

-

Nico: so weird when someone comforts you

Nico: like why

Nico: just lemme be a moody emo brooding sad angsty depressed boy for a bit

-

Piper:

Leo:

Piper:

Leo:

Piper:

Leo: *in toad voice* BItCH i SaiD wHaT i sAiD iD rAthEr bE FaMoUs InsTeAd iD LeT aLL Of ThAt GeT To MY heAd I DonT cArE ILL pAinT tHe ToWn ReD

-

Nico: *crafting with scissors*

Percy: *walks in*

Percy: what are you doing

Nico: ...crafting?

Percy: oh okay I thought you where cutting yourself

Nico:

Nico: IM MAKING A HELLO KITTY ART PIECE

-

Leo: *glares*

Frank: *glares back*

Frank and Leo: *glaring at eachother*

Leo: omg I just felt sparks

Frank: DUDE STFU WTF

-

*sees gay porn*

Will: thats it im homophobic

-

Nico: so I wrote this song

Nico: *adjusts mic, positions guitar*

Nico: *deep breath*

Nico: *strums single chord* my whole family died

Nico: thank you, thank you

-

Nico: just realized the only physical contact Ive had in like a whole month was Leo dabbing me up

-

Jason: straights ask why theres no straight pride month but like

Jason: isnt there a toyota month or smth

Jason: id say that works

[boxheadpaint]

hungry but not much to eat and tgen mildly depressing news, ok. obviously this is worsened by being hungry and not medicated yet. decide instead to go back to bed and lie to still to use up energy and sleep through hunger. Somehow this does not work and just end up more tired and more hungry. And still havent taken meds. my thrilling life. dove noises outside tho. wait i havent done a diary post in a bit hang on lemme rev up here.

ok back. Collapsed while cooking because im intwlligent, but did enjoy a good meal with my partner. watched some Star Trek while my body refused to regain energy so as to take a shower, and had to take a shower anyway. Have been much less depressed lately, though have been dealing with constant daytime fatigue for some reason. Im mr fall asleep. going to get groceries later today thank goodness

current goal in pokerogue because of course. Like obviously yes shiny farming but also at this point im trying to make the most disgusting dog possible. Behold

Completely and utterly nasty thing.

im not sure how to get back into digital art sooner rather than later, my computer has become immensely annoying to use. Beyond having to prop it by hand because of lack of back panel, it also heats up a bunch very quickly and the cursor is Still an irritating molecule off center to me- likely because of the angle I have to look at when it’s laying flat from no adequate support.

I don’t want to ditch digital completely because of some minor inconveniences but my patience with the machine has been wearing thin for a long while now. at least it’s not giving me notifications to update to windows 11. Like fuck off and such.

Lately I find myself more and more mad about advertisements and marketing. Beyond the disruptive nature of these things and the wastefulness theyre also straight up stupid and just make things look worse by existing. It doesn’t matter how many different ads for reeses you show me with the bojack guy over them, and in fact the more I see them the more likely I am to just say the governments putting poison shit in it so people will stop buying them. Also fuck everything that charges more money for a gluten free version of a product

come June im going on a ride up north and visiting my sister briefly, which I look forward to. There was some miscommmunication about days so I thot I was going to be able to hang out with her for a full day on her weekend, but it turned out that was unavailable and it made me upset. still, even if it’s just for a few hours after her shift ill be happy to spend any time with her. I miss being just a room away from her at a given moment sometimes and wish I could have appreciated that time more, though I know a part of why I didn’t was the house itself and its effect on me. Swagless really

anyway somehow I managed to be up until 3 am once again. Im marking the date down as today even if I started this post yesterday. Hoping to relax and get good news soon, or at least neutral news. News of a sort

5/18/2024, the dog is also several levels higher now than pictured. Like by a lot

[chiyoso]

spoiler; hi3 herrscher of rebirth event disccusions (media included)

(opinions open, but please be kind, and do indulge me about your understandings as well <3)

⋅──────────────·•⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰•·──────────────⋅

firstly,

(a1) from what ive taken inside my cogging brain in the event, seele is like... a variant of HoD? rebirth basically, technically she's still HoD yes? but... vita just said "nah death doesnt suit your cute ass" ... am i getting that right lmao

(a2) that, from my own understandings, a herrscher can be created at anytime with the right energy levels in any situation, right? (speculation based off on senti, prometheus, schrodinger, vita, and misteln)

(b1) ... with that in mind, the transformation of HoR is kinda baffling when we see seele suddenly gushed out from the pretty waters, is trauma the main play here during the making of a herrscher? emotional vulnerability? a wailing, cute red seele accepting something?

(b2) i havent gotten that far into the main plot of the story, but i assume friendship, trauma and accepting shit are one of many things involving a birth of a herrscher, a psychological, mental strength against the will perhaps?

besides all that, lets take a moment to appreciate vita's DESIGN BECAUSE DAMN. DAMN. MAKING ME INSPIRED FR and it was really damn nice to see bronya and mei interact with red seele in this way, wholesome moment nngh, misteln's outfit too, she's so fucking amazing (reminds me of kafka cough cough)

(c1) i also want to know (since im quite confused in this part) if the 6th divine key, abyss flower is in seele's literal possession, or is it in durandal's, schicksal's, anything/anyone really, i remember seele mentioning something about it, but my dumbass kept clicking accidentally until i couldnt go back to the chatlogs lmao

(c2) speaking of divine keys, does anyone have an idea/information on the whereabouts of the 2nd divine key? yes, the one that can... travel through... space.........or bubble verses? or just- traveling like the astral train in HSR, im not well versed in the specifics of divine keys atm, only briefly through wiki and such, SO PLEASE! inform me because i would love to dive into the rabbit hole of hi3 lore

once again, all discussions, opinions are welcomed, but please respect each other! that's all <3 - hiraeth

might make misteln my whole identity for a few days shes so hot hnng

the red seele trauma moment 🥹 take your meds sweetie.........

[teddy-feathers]

so. i realized on the way home today that

a) i dont want to die. or i do but like thats definitely not me talking anymore thats the brain goblins. like id be sad to leave behind my friends. so as much as i say 'i wanna die' when im upset, and as much as that emotion is present i dont actually wanna die anymore. like. id be sad if i died just as much as id be relieved.

b) i never feel like enough because the only time im doing anything "right" is when im following a step by step guide laid out for me and i hate that its like playing a video game where the possibilities are pretty full but only playing a build someone else designed and then playing the rest of the game exactly how youre told to like do i need to be here for this?

c) i didnt take my pills this weekend or monday and Tuesday while i was sick or wednesday because i hadnt been taking them the previous days and despite having taken them the last two days i am emotional as fuck.

tuesday i went to a doctor and found out ive gained.... 10lbs in a month and im pretty close to breaking the 200 mark. which is because of my meds. so i need to contact my shrink and say "exercising and eating right aint uh working out for me the way i hoped can we try new meds"

because as much as i want to be chill about it it bothers me so much. like if it was all in my gut like itd be if i were on t id probably give less shits but where its at now its bothering me. and if i break the 200 make i know its going to be so much harder to come down from.

and new meds are scary because i know these ones work because i always know when i havent been taking them. i get the sads. new ones may not work and we'll have to adjust the dosage.

and if i tell my aunt shell throw a fit because how dare my shrink lower my dosage just because i called her and told her i was having a problem with how it was affecting me. and now she wants to put me on different meds? without doing a brain scan?

like frankly my dear i dont give a damn. this woman had done more for making me not dead in the last idk how long ive been seeing her to be honest then my aunt has since before 2012.

idk. im tired. and emotional.

[scarletanpan]

..

I'm starting to think theres an issue beyond being off my meds bc back from family trip a full day ago, and was in sm pain and covered w bruises on my arms and legs I didn't make it to work.. the excessive bruising is weird, I'm clumsy but theres abt 4-5 on each limb, and one on my face from my niece smacking me w a dog plushie while I was laying on the bed?? I think its bc of my glasses but Ive never bruised on my face, theres at least 2 now. also covered in giant bug bites that arent going away quickly even w witch hazel And looking into effexor since im on it and og my god. Not the list of meds u can take but dont mix well being like 100 names, every med ive taken i think is on it, both forms of adderall too. ik the symptoms that are rarer is an extensive list only for functional purposes but why am i experiencing so many of them. ik im at risk for a number of precautions when taking it, and may or not may not be experiencing symptoms related to those too

they say u should get labs on it regularly i never have but didnt know damn. a lil concerned abt the acute angle-glaucoma thing, first of all wtf i did Not remember seeing that side effect and my family has a history of eye issues. i get regular eye pain and razed two mailboxes in my parents neighborhood last year bc my vision whited out mid turn and i felt this weird overwhelming pain w pressure in one side of my head. never figured out what it was when i went to the doctor but. sudden extreme pressure on one side, close to my eyes, the steamy vision all sounds right. idk how i didnt run into this when i tried to search it up the issue before, i dont wanna assume but its raising too many red flags rn i got a brain scan but they said i was perfectly fine and, so i never followed up and it happened a couple more times multiple things arent meshing well w my family history/genetics. starting to realize the amount of physical pain and exhaustion ive been it for three months is kind of abnormal and needs a solution before i die. at least i have a starting point but like this is gonna cost money huh

also maybe shouldnt be working a job that requires staring at the road for 1-4 hrs a day and then stocking as quickly as u physically can (in theory im fucking slow). i wonder why i struggle sm i might not be physically capable rn. prob failing one of my classes this summer bc it took too long to realize this. ill try to prioritize it bc i paid money for this shit but the shame i feel from pushing back work feels lethal, i havent fucked up enough to get fired yet but atp itd be a saving grace. im so sorry to my coworkers im sure theyre annoyed and confused rn

[mylkteith]

med trauma/SA/tmi shit

roommate suggested something that should have been obvious from the get go but that i somehow havent caught on to in all 27 years of my being alive, and it made a whole lot of things fall into place. just because my medical trauma does not manifest in the ways i typically find recognizable it flew under the radar and again given p much everything about me i should have known this by now but.

jesus.

my bodily autonomy and consent has been steamrolled from the day i was born in favor of "what needed to happen".

no wonder my boundaries when it comes to my body and what others do and don't get access to is compromised. no wonder i never felt safe enough to tell anyone i didn't want what was happening.

i was blurring my own boundaries so heavily i was sexually assaulted and thought that just because i made an excuse that was refuted instead of directly saying "i don't want this" it wasn't actually assault.

cause any way i cut it, whether i FEEL any particular way or not, if someone else were explaining that situation to me, i would call it rape. i didn't want to, i made an excuse, and it happened anyway. and then i got shamed afterwards because i didn't prep.

i didnt feel safe enough to say no and regardless of why, i tried in the only way i felt i could to communicate a boundary and it was immediately fucking played off. even my therapist said that any reasonable kind respectful person would have taken that as a no. if they had cared more about me than their need to get off we wouldn't have had sex that night.

if they cared more about me than what i provided them, they wouldn't have fucking groped me for nearly an hour when other people were in the room and i didn't wanna draw attention to us. was my lack of response not enough? was my tensing up and going unmoving and silent and being unable to look at you the whole time it was happening not fucking enough??

it's a pattern. there is an established pattern of people pushing me and pushing me until i snap, and up to this point, the snapping was leaving, ghosting, getting gone with no explanation or obligations or warnings.

i don't fucking snap like that anymore.

[hobbitunderthemountain]

Feeling more anxious and aro than ever ✌✌✌

[dr-gaytorius]

Ls left and right today

[soopysoap]

[mapleshmaple]

,

[crowsareverytired]

submirizing my psychiatrist appointment:

said my depression wasn't severe so its fine

ignored my wishes to go on new meds

tried to get me to go to sanatorijo for like 20 mins even tho i fucking explained to him 10 times that it wouldnt help, i even said one of the reasons i told no one else and he just said "but it would help" no cuz im fucking uncomfortable with my body and dont wanna do th3 procedures, i cant sleep anywhere else than my house, im a picky eater and im gonna get fucking bullied there so you can see why i dont wanna go there but he jus5 keept saying its good for me

also said he noticed a change in my mood and stuff so the meds "must be working" even tho i havent taken them in a few days and the changes hes seeing are fucking bullshit

said i have to take every opportunity to go out because its good for me even tho it drains me so fucking much and i get bullies everywhere i go so it would actually make me feel worst

said i have just high expectations for what the meds are supposed to do and to just keep taking them even fucking tho there are no changes but i gotta keep taking them for two fucking more months now

said my suicidal thoughts werent that bad because i could deal with them by myself whivh isnt true

honestly he said more shit but i forgot rn but ill update if i remember cuz fuck him