#1. rape and violence against women are more likely to happen in the home and be perpetrated by 'the man of the house' than anywhere else

[claredanko]

on a post about "bringing back trophy wives" ...... i hope we all explode

[heli-writes]

A dragon's heart, part 4.

Pairing: Barbarian!Bakugou Katsuki x female!reader

Summary: The dragonblood tribe is known for being cruel, barbarian warriors that slaughter, loot and rape all places they pass through. They are feared among the villagers and even bigger cities. Having lost most of their women to a plague, they're trying to ensure their tribe's survival by kidnapping women from other places. However, they're not the only monsters in human form out there. When y/n experiences this first hand, she has no choice but to ask for help from no other but the barbarian leader Katsuki Bakugou himself.

Disclaimer: mentions of injuries, violence, beheading, blood

[Please don't read if you are sensible to or triggered by the topics mentioned above.]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Series Masterlist

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At first, y/n watches Katsuki pack by himself. Eventually, he starts barking orders at her that she doesn't get. He keeps pointing at things y/n starts moving his belongings toward his dragon. Katsuki binds the bags onto the saddle with some rope. When he's done, he shakes everything one more time to check if it's secure. Y/n stands next to him feeling a little bit lost. She feels insecure since she doesn't know what's going to happen next.

"Will he take me with him?", she wonders. If he does, what will it mean? She's not stupid. Y/n knows exactly who is standing in front of her. Bakugou Katsuki, leader of the dragonblood tribe, tamer of the biggest beast known to mankind, slaughter of man. The last thing she witnessed herself.

Clearly, she has heard enough stories about his clan. About their ruthlessness, their crimes. How ten of his men can take out an entire village. She shudders when she thinks about what the stories say they do to women. Y/n gnaws at her bottom lip in distress. So far, Katsuki hasn't shown any aggression or ill intentions towards her. She wonders if the stories are lies or at least exaggerations.

Then again, so far she's only seen Katsuki. He is rude and mean. Thinking back on how he laughed at her when she burned her mouth, he also likes seeing people in pain. Moreover, he easily could kill her if he wanted to. What would it be like if she was in a whole group of men like Katsuki? Group dynamics often develop a strange momentum.

The point is, does she want Katsuki to take her with him? If he takes her back to his home, she would have to live with these people she's heard so many terrible things about. She doesn't speak their language, she doesn't know anything about their culture. How would she even fit it? Y/n shakes her head trying to push the thoughts out of her head. She can't even be sure that that's Katsuki's plan. In addition, what other option does she have? She knows her chances alone out here are grim. Teaming up with the big scary men might just be a chance to survive.

Just when she decided that, as long as no other option opens up, she might as well go with the flow, Katsuki whistles at her sharply. Y/n is ripped out of her thoughts. He stares at her angrily and shouts instructions at her. When he gestures at her to come over, y/n walks closer to him.

When y/n stands next to him and the winged animal, Katsuki explains something speaking rather quickly and wildly gesturing. When y/n doesn't do what he wants her to do, he grabs her hips and lifts her up the dragon. Y/n throws a leg around the saddle and Katsuki pushes her up. Then Katsuki lifts himself up into the saddle. Sitting behind y/n, Katsuki grabs the reigns and gives the dragon a sign.

While y/n still feels anxious about being so high up in the air, she's not as scared as last time. She still clings onto the handle until her knuckles are all white. Katsuki's broad arms cage her in which gives her some sort of comfort. At least she can't fall off on either side.

After a while, she relaxes and suddenly becomes painfully aware of how close Katsuki is to her. She can feel his abs pressed against her back and his breath against her ear. She shivers even though Katsuki's body warmth keeps her comfortably warm.

Katsuki seems to have a plan for where they were going. They fly for about two hours before the dragon lands on the outskirts of the forest. Katsuki gets down first before he helps y/n get down. Y/n feels a bit unsteady on her legs. The inside of her thighs ache and y/n excuses herself behind a tree. Lifting up her skirt, she takes a look at the tender skin on the inside of her legs. They're red and sore. Y/n's surprised the skin hasn't grazed off to a point where she's bleeding. Her dress wasn't made for riding a horse or a dragon.

*~*~*

Katsuki watches y/n disappear behind the tree suspiciously. He noticed how she was still not comfortable with flying. He wonders whether she needs to piss or puke. Scoffing, he turns around and starts setting up camp. When y/n wobbles back, she starts helping him.

They were just about to undo the knots of the rope that secured the bags onto the saddle, when the dragon shifts and lets out a deep, threatening growl. Y/n shys away. "Woops, does he not like that?", she exclaims. Simultaneously, Katsuki swirls around watching the edge of the forest. His hand rest on the hilt of his sword.

Suddenly, the buzzing sound of an arrow fills the air. Katsuki grips y/n's arm and yanks her to he side just in time. Her injured shoulder almost gets pierced again. Next, a bunch or rough-looking men attack their little party with roars of war. "Bandits.", y/n thinks. Katuski yells something at her and gestures at the dragon.

The dragon moves quickly. One second he was behind them, the next he is in front of y/n biting a man's head off. Y/n ducks behind the beast. She hears Katsuki swearing and blades clashing against each other. Y/n rumbles through her back for her hunting knife.

Suddenly, a hand is pushed onto her mouth and an arm grabs her midsection. The person tries to drag her away. Y/n struggles against the man's grip. "Keep struggling and you only make it worse for yourself.", the man tells her.

The dragon blocks the view and y/n can't spot or yell at Katsuki. The man keeps pulling her backward. Instead of panicking, y/n suddenly feels very calm. Living on the road, the wandering folk teach all their children basic self-defense. The scenario of being grabbed from behind is something her elders have practiced her a hundred times.

She prepares to free herself out of the man's grip. She stomps onto his foot and bites his hand simultaneously. She bites so hard, she can taste the metallic flavor of blood. The man yells in distress and lets go of her in his surprise. Swiftly, y/n draws out her tiny knife. She goes straight for his liver. She should've gone for his Adam's apple, piercing his throat, as her elders taught her but somehow she's not courageous or fierce enough to do so. Instead, she stabs him in the liver. However, she's not sure if her tiny knife could even cut deep enough to harm the organ. Nevertheless, it's enough for the man to fall onto his back and clutch the wound in pain.

Y/n swirls around. The dragon is busy fending off some bandits. Somewhere behind it, Katsuki's fighting. Suddenly, Katsuki stumbles backwards and into y/n's view. There's a cut on his bicep and cheek. He holds a sword in his head that drips with blood. Three more bandits come into view, all three attacking the blonde at the same time.

"I've got to do something!", y/n thinks in a panic, "He can't fight them all on his own!". It's not a rational thought. Her elders always drilled into her head that the moment someone carries a knife or another kind of weapon, you do not try to fight them. Despite that, y/n finds herself rushing towards them. Without a real plan, she jumps onto on of the bandit's back. Her weight is enough to make the bandit stumble backwards. It also throws off the other two momentarily giving Katsuki enough time to swing his sword at one of them. He cuts open one of the bandit's throats similarly as he did to the man from y/n's village.

Meanwhile, y/n is still holding on tightly to the third guy's back who tries to shake her off. Y/n clings onto his throat for dear life and the bandit has trouble breathing. Luckily, bandits usually are not skilled swordsmen thus the man is too disoriented to get the idea that he could use his weapon against y/n. Unfortunately, he's still larger and stronger than y/n so he does manage to shake her off eventually.

Y/n falls onto her butt. An uncomfortable pain shoots up her injured shoulder. The man swirls around to her clutching his throat and raising his saber. His face is contorted in anger. "You little bitch!", he roars as he raises his weapon to strike.

Katsuki sees what is happening out of the corner of his eyes. He's still fighting the other bandit but upon noticing that y/n is about to get killed, he turns to the side in an attempt to rush to her aide. This gives the bandit an opening to strike. While Katsuki reacts quickly enough to stop the bandit from piercing him with his weapon completely, the bandit still manages to cut deeply into Katsuki's right leg.

Meanwhile, y/n is quick to roll over and the saber misses her by inches. Quickly she's on her feet again, crouching and holding her knife up in defense. The man takes another swing at her but before he can fulfill the action, his head is severed from the rest of his body.

While y/n wasn't looking, Katsuki killed the second bandit and went to her rescue. The bandit's head drops to the ground with a loud 'thup'. The rest of his body falls to the ground still twitching. Y/n stares at the sight in front of her with wide eyes. The sight doesn't seem to faze Katsuki at all but he is out of breath and his face in contorted in pain. He grabs y/n's injured arm and pulls her towards the dragon who is still fighting off some bandits. From the edge of the forest more cries of war are heard as reinforcements of the bandits run onto the open.

"Shit.", Katsuki curses. There are too many even for him. Where on earth were these assholes hiding? He should've been more observant. He shouldn't have been so distracted by this stupid woman. He pulls y/n towards the beast and pushes her up. Y/n is quick to react and pulls herself up into the saddle just as Katsuki does just seconds after her.

The dragon beats his wings and the force of the air sends a few bandits backwards. Some still try to climb the dragon in an attempt to get to Katsuki and y/n. When one manages to grab Katsuki's foot, y/n stabs her knife into the man's hand who immediately lets go.

As they rise into the air, more bandits lose hold and fall onto the ground. Arrows are shot at the three of them and Katsuki pushes y/n's head down in an attempt to stop her from getting shot in the face. Once they are high enough that the bandits can't reach them, Katsuki lets go of y/n's head.

Just when y/n thinks they're safe, Katsuki turns the dragon around and steers it back to the bandits. "Is he absolutely out of his mind?", y/n thinks as they descend again. However, they never touch land. Instead, the dragon lets out a rumbling sound and spits waves of never-ending fire. Suddenly, the world is burning and hot. Y/n hears the cries of the bandits and the heat licking at her legs.

Quickly they leave again and y/n watches the bandits and parts of the forest burn to the ground over her shoulder. Just when they are out of sight, she notices Katsuki's heavy breathing behind her. She also notices how his grip on her isn't as tight as it was before. That's when she feels a warm liquid drop down her leg. Katsuki rests his head on her shoulder.

Y/n lets go of the handle of the saddle and grabs his hands with both of hers stabilizing his hold on the reigns. The last thing she wants is for both of them to fall off the damn dragon.

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[waterless-witch]

Of Knights and Demons

Chapter 1

TW: Rape/Non-con in following chapters, Dark themes, forced marriages, violence and swearing. MINORS DNI OR I WILL BLOCK YOU

This is my first ever fic so please be nice to me, I’ve also got it posted on A03 under the same name in case anybody would like to read it there.

You are the sole daughter of Byakuya Kuchiki, the sole heir to a noble family. Your father has broken from tradition with his refusal to marry you off against your wishes, instead wishing for you to find a husband of your own choosing. After years of arguing with not only your own family, but the other lords of your court all seems well. That is until a once thought dead knight returns with an army to take your home.

Souske Aizen, a man you once found kindness in has demanded that the two of you are to be wed, with your father still missing along with most of the guards you’re left with few options but to comply and hope that aid comes before anything can be set. How will you stop a man like Aizen from destroying your home and the people you care about? And who are these strange people with bone masks on their face?

You watched red hair blow in the breeze as you were led deeper and deeper into the forest that surrounded your home. Renji had come to collect you quickly after the attack began on your home, the bulk of our knights and soldiers had been sent to deal with border skirmishes days ago, your father among them. He had promised he would not be gone long and not to worry that it was all being taken care of. What he didn’t know was that there were already more enemies surrounding your home, waiting until the bulk had been deployed before they began their attack.

You had been shoved into your bedchambers before you could comprehend what was happening, the sound of steel against steel rang out along with the screams of battle. The battle couldn’t have been raging for more than twenty minutes before Renji had busted into your room, blood running down the right side of his face as he panted and told you it was time to leave. Now. He would not hear any arguments you’d offered about wait for help or being able to win. After a moment he signed and grabbed your hand, leading you through the empty halls and into the gardens at the rear of the manor. You asked why the two of you were not headed for the stables, to which he told you that more than likely they were already there waiting for people with the same thought.

Once you were at the edge of the gardens you heard the ear piercing screams of women coming from the house. You whipped around on instinct, both Renji and yourself pausing, both of you heard your breath. You couldn’t see anything from where you stood but you could certainly hear it. Screams and pleas echoed as the sounds of boots spread out throughout the manor. As the sounds of boots against flooring got closer Renji grabbed your hand again and began to run. You followed behind him blindly as you stumbled through the forest, no telling how long you’d been running but it felt like an eternity before he let the two of you slow into a fast paced walk. Your hair was damp with sweat and your chest heaved. Once you had finally caught your breath you asked, “Where are we going?”

Renji didn’t bother to look back at you, simply answering “Away from that.” Sounding harsher than you’d ever heard him before. He had trained under your father, rare considering he didn’t come from any noble family, instead he’d come from an impoverished village a dozen or so hours to the south. He had always been very loyal to your father, more than likely he felt indebted to him. Your father had hand picked him from the line up of new soldiers to come train under him. He’d been knighted less than six months ago taking the place of one of the knights who had gone missing during a mission. You had a few nights laying in bed and thinking of what had happened to the three knights who had disappeared, they were all skilled and from what you understood the mission itself hadn’t been a particularly difficult one to complete. You wondered what was happening now was related, if perhaps whoever was attack your home where the same people that killed those knights.

It was a strange thing to be thinking about right now, perhaps it was easier than thinking about what was going on back at your home to people that you knew well, to your friends, to the people who you cared for. Instead your mind was running circles around three men who you hardly knew. You didn’t know much about Gin, he was a silver haired man with an untrustworthy looking smile, he’d never given a reason for this though, just a strange feeling, like it was almost too kind, in an off putting way. The second was a man named Tosen, you knew a bit more about him but only because he was some kind of miracle. He was born blind but had somehow become a skilled swordsman. He was the focus of a lot of rumors when he’d first been knighted, from ones saying that he wasn’t truly blind because they couldn’t believe he could be that skilled, to rumors about him wanting vengeance for his dead wife. You personally had never really cared for the gossip but it didn’t stop it from circulating. Finally the last man had been named Aizen, him you’d known a bit better, he was a kind man with a warm smile to match it. He’d often come to talk with your father about matters around the kingdom, when he did he always made a point to greet you and have a conversation with you. The two of you were not friends by any means of the words but you were a bit more friendly than acquaintances.

In fact, you’d been quite sad when he didn’t return. Your father tried to soothe you, telling you that perhaps he wasn’t dead but instead caught up with something or being held somewhere. While he had only been trying too help, it had made you feel much worse. You knew he was a smart and strong man, Aizen had made it to being a knight afterall, but the idea of him being held and possibly tortured wasn’t something that’d made you feel better.

Renji slowed as the two of you came to a small river, as you came to the edge of the bank he fully stopped, clearly contemplating how to cross. While the previous week had been the warmest in a while spring had still not yet fully begun, meaning that the water would be ice cold. “We’ll head downstream and try to find a bridge or someplace thin enough to cross. It’ll be better for us to put the river between us and them.” Renji explained. You nodded in response and continued to follow his lead. Together you two walk downstream for a few hours before coming across a towhead in the water. At the widest part it looked around twenty feet at each side away from the bank, luckily the water didn’t seem too deep, it came to your mid calf at most. You slowed as Renji kept walking downstream.

“Shouldn’t we cross here?” You asked, “With the sun setting I don’t think we’ll find another place to do this safely.” You continued to express.

He turned around to face you with knit brows, “It’ll be cold.” He simply said while looking at you. “And you're not dressed for the cold, especially if I drag you through water.” You looked down at your dress, it was long sleeved and a beautiful shade of deep forest green but he was right, it wasn’t made for the cold and you hadn’t had the time to get anything on your way out much less warmer clothes. You thought for a moment, not wanting to stay on this side of the river, surely whoever had invaded your home had begun searching the surrounding areas and you were sure you didn’t want to be captured by them.

“I’ll be fine,” you argued, Renji said your name in a warning but you interrupted him. “Once we cross we can get deeper into the forest and set up camp before dark, we can light a small fire and I’ll be fine I promise.” He considered what you’d said for a long moment before sighing and begrudgingly agreeing. He made his way down the steep river bank first before offering his hand to you to help you down.

You took his hand and made your own way down, the second your feet fell into the water you gasped, the water being much colder than you expected. Your hand tightened in his and he gave a small chuckle, “I told you.” He said as he began pulling you to the towhead, once you’d made it to the small bit of land you could feel your shoes squishing in the cold mud and the cloth of both your shoes and dress holding the cold to you. You made you way back into the water on the other side of the towhead, the bank was higher than the other side so Renji had to lift you while you used a tree rot to pull yourself the rest of the way up.

The two of you kept on your trek, every so often Renji would look back at you with a worried look on his face, every time he did so you will yourself to stop shivering and to give him a reassuring smile even though you don’t think your legs had ever been so cold. The sun was barely above the horizon when Renji stopped the two of you and made a fire, you sat with your legs close to it as the heat dried your clothing and shoes and helped to calm your shivers, though not completely stopping them. You looked over to Renji and he looked completely exhausted, he had heavy bags under his eyes and the hand he had resting on his sword hung completely limp. He clearly needed sleep especially if he was supposed to be navigating the two of you to safety. “Why don’t you get some sleep? I can stay awake and alert you if I hear anything strange.” You offered.

He looked up at you and shook his head, “Not a chance, you sleep I’ll stay awake.” He said in that same stern tone you’d heard all day.

“No,” you countered. “How are you supposed to get us out of here if your exhausted and sleep deprived?” You answered back just as sterenly.

He took in a sigh and started to answer back to you before being interrupted, “I don’t think he’ll be taking either one of you much further.” A voice said from behind you. The hairs on the back of your neck rose and you were on your feet in a split second. Renji had reacted much quicker and had drawn his sword and pulled you behind himself. “Now, now, put it down.” The man said, stepping forward. He was tall, freakishly so, and thin with long black hair that fell to his shoulder, an eye patch hung over one of his eyes and he wore a simple black leather tunic with pants that matched, “I’d hate to get in a fight and end up hitting your pretty little lady there.” He said with a smug grin. Renji kept his sword up and didn’t say a word, you took a step back, eyes darting between the two of them. You were at a complete loss for what to do, never have been in a situation like this. “Fine, have it your way!” He yelled before taking a step towards Renji and raising his own sword. The smirk he held turned into a wolvish smile.

“Nnoitra wait!” A second voice rang out stopping the man in his tracks. A second man with blue hair like you’d never seen before stepped into the light cast by your fire. On his face sat a mask that looked like it was made of bone with sharp teeth, he wore an identical outfit with his partner. His eyes fell on you and looked you up and down slowly, in a predatory way. Eventually his eyes met yours and held them as you took yet another step back. He cocked his head and asked “What’s your name?” While still holding your gaze.

You didn’t answer, “Her name is none of your concern.” Renji answered through grit teeth. The man's eyes flicked to Renji for just a second before looking back at you. “Regardless, I think she’s the one he wants, she matches the description perfectly. I don’t think we’d be rewarded well if she was hurt in this little squabble.” He explained. The other man, Nnoitra, lowered his own weapon.

“Okay well then how do you recommend we take them in then, if you’re so smart?” He questioned angrily, his smile falling completely and being replaced with an agitated glare.

The blue haired man signed, “You get him and I’ll get the girl, remember they want as many of them as possible back alive.” He sneered back before moving towards you.

“Run!” Renji shouted to you before moving to strike the blue haired man moving towards you, only to be stopped by Nnoitra’s blade. You turned on your heels and made your way towards the forest. You could feel your adrenaline pumping through your veins and you ran as you heard the sound of steel on steel. You ran blindly in the dark woods, getting caught on tree limbs and roots but desperately trying to get away. You couldn’t hear anything behind you but you didn’t chance a look back to make sure. Through the mood light you cloud see a clearing coming up ahead of you. You had no idea where you were but you did remember something about there being some outposts around the forest edge. You ran as fast as your legs could carry you towards the clearing praying that maybe there would be soldiers or even just people from your own kingdom there. Someone to help you. Someone to help Renji.

Just as you were at the tree line something wrapped itself around you waist, and pulled you back, knocking the air from your lungs as your back collided with something hard. You realized it must have been the blue haired man and started struggling to get out of his grasp. His other hand grabbed you by the neck, not choking you but with enough force for it to be a treat. “Stop fighting, while this little game of cat and mouse has been fun, if we don’t get back to your little friend I can’t guarantee that Nnoitra won’t kill him.” You stopped struggling, your chest heaving, trying to think of some way out of this. Before your mind could come up with anything he spun you around before lifting you over his shoulder, hands holding just above your knees, forcing you to bend over his shoulder.

You yelped as he lifted you up. “I can walk!” You shouted and resumed your struggle in an attempt to force him to put you down. No matter how you shook or kicked at him or threw your fists into his back he would not let you go.

“I’m sure you can but this is faster,” he said as he started walking you back towards your makeshift camp. “Plus this way makes sure you can’t run off again.” You kept struggling and hurled curses at the man carrying you, he gave a light chuckle at your efforts before he spoke again, “Y’know you shouldn’t struggle this much, some men like the fight and that’d leave you in a pretty hard spot if ya catch my drift.” He said putting emphasis on the word hard. Your eyes widened and you completely stopped moving. He gave a barking laugh. “There we go, that's more like it.” He said.

He continued walking and you began seeing the faint orange glow on the backs of trees as you got closer and closer to your camp. Your mind began reeling as you realized that you couldn’t hear the sound of sword fighting anymore. Had that man killed Renji? Were you alone out here with these two strange men? You felt like you were gonna be sick as you heard a grunt, followed by another one. Then you heard what sounded like flesh hitting flesh. The blue haired man finally put you down and spun you around keeping a firm hand on your shoulder to keep you from moving. In front of you Nnoitra had Renji pinned to the ground, swords flung to the side and both of them bloody as he continuously punched him. You gasped loudly, eyes clouding up, the sound pulled Nnoitra’s attention from Renji to you and gave a smirk through bloody teeth. “Took you longer than I expected Grimmjow.” He said as he straightened out, still sat atop Renji.

The blue haired man, Grimmjow, simply shrugged, “She was faster than I thought.” You couldn’t take your eyes off Renji, both his eyes had been blackened and swollen, his lower lip busted upon, bruises and cuts marred every part of him and blood seemed to be thrown everywhere. Nnoitra was also clearly injured but no half as bad, a large cut ran up his face towards his uncovered eye but stopped just before it reached the eye itself. He also had a number of smaller cuts and bruises but nothing that he particularly needed to be immediately concerned with. “You have to carry him back to the horses if he can’t walk.” Grimmjow said not at all concerned about Renjis injuries.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He said getting up off Renji, he kicked at him telling him to get up and when he didn’t Nnoitra pulled Renji’s arm, forcing him up and pushed him towards the way they had come. “Fucking move!” He said as he harshly pushed him, “You don’t want us to leave you out here to die and ride off with your pretty little friend do you?” Nnoitra said snuggly causing Renji to glare at him the best he could with his swollen face.

Behind you Grimmjow gently nudges you forward in a silent command to follow. Your feet drag along the ground as your mind tries to come up with what they meant about looking for you specifically. You weren’t important or the head of your family or anything that could be useful to whoever it was that they served. Anxiety builds in your chest making it hard to breath, your breaths become quicker and shorter as you try to think of every worst case scenario of what would be waiting for you or if these men were even telling the truth and weren’t about to kill you or worse. Maybe they were just screwing around with you two for fun like a cat batting at a mouse before it eats it. Or maybe they would take you back and you would be publicly executed. Your heart pumped so hard it hurt in your chest and even though the night was freezing cold you could feel yourself begin to sweat.

“Stop freaking out,” Grimmjow whispered close to your ear, you jerked your head to try to look at him or perhaps put some distance between the two of you, you didn’t know. His hand grabbed the top of your head and kept you looking straight as he continued, “If I’m right about who you are none of us are allowed to hurt you. Do what you're told, play your role and you and your friend will come out of this relatively okay.” He kept his voice low almost as if he didn’t want his colleague to hear him.

As the four of you made it back to the river Grimmjow again spun you around like you were a rag doll and flung you back over his shoulder, Nnoitra and Renji trudged through the cold water first and stopped once they got up the bank, Renji stumbling a few times due to his injuries. Grimmjow followed and as he got close to the bank he moved you so you could climb up with stepping a foot into the frigid water, “If she tries to run again do I get to hunt her down?” Nnoitra asked with a wolf-like grin returning to his face. Grimmjow didn’t bother responding to him as he climbed up himself, instead just rolling his eyes and clicking his tongue in disapproval. Grimmjow placed his hand back on your shoulder and pushed you past the other two.

Another twenty minutes past before you found yourself in front of three horses. They were not from your home stables, they wore an all black saddle and nothing that could mark where they had come from but each of them also had strange bone like carving on their faces just as Grimmjow did. Grimmjow removed his hand from you and turned around to look at Renji, “Are you going to live long enough to ride back?” He asked in an uncaring tone. You looked at Renji for the first time since you’d crossed the river and could clearly see that he was worse than you originally thought, he had paled a considerable amount, he stood hunched over and his chest heaved with every breath he took.

“I’ll make it back fine.” Renji answered in a horsed tone. Nnoitra laughed manically and pointed towards one of the horses and told Renji to climb up. Renji gave himself a moment to try to catch his breath before steeling himself and making his way to the horse, he slowly and heavily made his way onto the back of the animal looking like he could pass out at any moment. Nnoitra made a snide comment that you didn’t quite hear as you stared at Renji in deep concern. You didn’t know if he could truly make it back, you watched blood drip from him onto the ground below, your eyes locked with his, “I will make it back with you.” He swore to you.

You opened your mouth to say something back but where stopped when Grimmjow again spun you to face him. Your eyes met with his for just a second before he grabbed you by the waist and picked you up again. You were tired of being treated like a rag doll, and Renji yelled something at Grimmjow clearly sharing your displeasure about your treatment. He ignored both of you and placed you on one of the other horses before climbing behind you and picking up the reins, trapping you between the animal and himself with his arms on either side of you. Nnoitra tied Renji’s horse to the last one before mounting it himself and leading you back through the woods towards your home.

You had no idea what awaited you back home, Grimmjow had said something about how they wanted as many of your people back alive as possible but that didn’t seem like it meant much as you looked at Renji’s broken and bleeding form. Your mind wandered to your father. Did he know what had happened? Was he already dead? Had these people killed them first before finding you? They seemed like they knew who you were but your father was a quiet and solemn man you couldn’t imagine him speaking of you to an enemy in any way much less one that would put you on their radar.

Once you got closer to your home Grimmjow slowed your horse a bit allowing the two of you to lag behind Nnoitra and Renji a bit. “Once we get there don’t fight him, do whatever he wants and be quite about it. He’s a cruel man but he doesn’t seem to want to hurt you more than he has too. Just be quiet and good and you should be fine.” Grimmjow whispered in your ear lowly, he was close enough that you could feel the bone mask on the side of his face lightly graze against you. This time you knew better than to turn around to face him, thinking of the last time when he held you in place.

Instead you simply asked, “Who?” Grimmjow just laughed hotly into your ear before rising back up. Clearly he was set on ignoring your question which only served to aggravate you. It felt like every time he spoke to you he raised more questions than he answered. Which you thought, perhaps was on purpose, he was just messing with you, never really being done with the game of cat and mouse you’d started in the forest when you’d run from him.

Soon you found yourself riding down the Main Street that your manor lied on. As you got closer and closer to your home you could see the large white wooden doors had been kicked in and a number of windows had been shattered. Blood ran down the entry steps and while you couldn’t see inside you were sure there was much more carnage there. As you approached you didn’t turn towards your own home, instead heading straight to High Lord Yamamoto’s home. While your family manor and the ones of the other noble families lied in ruin and blood the High Lords manor stood completely untouched. It looked as prestigious as ever, completely out of place when looking at its surroundings. As you rode to the front of the manor three men opened the huge rounded dark wood door.

You felt yourself stiffen as you immediately recognized the man in the middle who was walking down to greet you. He wore a similar outfit to your captors but it was decorated with much more glamor, a small cape hung from his shoulder and a sword hung from a finely decorated holster from his hip. He wore his hair different than you’d ever seen it before, instead of letting it hang loosely in its natural shape it had been slicked back. Behind him and his accomplices followed two more people with strange bone masks on their faces.

But they were not your concern. You barely spared them a look as your eyes locked with eyes of mahogany. He smiled brightly at you as if there was nothing wrong in the world. “Hello my dear, I hope your travel was not too harsh on you.” Aizen beamed at you as he came up beside the horse you were currently riding on.

[hareofhrair]

#to prev tags#how do u explain the millions of women who are sexually abused if the world of sexual menace is fabricated?#what about the 1-in-5 statistic for college students?#rape culture?#sure the likliehood of you getting jumped by random strangers is slim to none as the stats show#but there is a reason to be vigilant. especially for femmes#nonsequitor i had a customer once tell me to be aware of my surroundings always at 7am on a fucling tuesday because she was worried id#be attacked working at the fucking home goods store#like maam. if i am attacked at work. i get workers comp. they will give me money for it.#i am half asleep and it is far too early for this.#anyways.

Oh the abuse absolutely happens! That's not the fabricated part, sorry for the confusion. The fabricated part is that women are routinely sexually assaulted by total strangers, jumped in the street or in parking lots. That sex trafficking rings are huge and common and target middle class white women and children and snatch people from their homes. That pedophiles are everywhere actively scheming and collaborating for better access to children. I'm talking about the conspiracy thought that surrounds the concept of sexual violence and enshrines as a simple fact of reality that there are roving bands of sexual predators actively stalking you at all times, and that the only safety from these predators is to cling to traditional patriarchal structures while being constantly suspicious of your neighbors, your community, and anyone classed as an outsider.

The reality of sexual violence is that in the vast majority of cases, both in adult sexual assaults and in abuse of minors, the perpetrator is someone in the victim's immediate social circle. Family or close acquaintances. The overwhelming majority of children kidnapped are taken by one of their own parents, usually as part of a custody disagreement. While human trafficking is real and sex trafficking is real, it is far less organized than conspiracy suggests, and the most common targets are people without communities. Recent immigrants (especially those that don't speak english) and runaways are the most common victims, and there's a good chance forced labor is far more common than sex trafficking, but sex trafficking is more commonly reported and forced labor is harder to detect and prosecute. Genuine pedophilia is *incredibly* rare, and the majority of people who sexually abuse children have no established sexual interest in children, any more than rapists have established interest in noncon. Sexual abuse is primarily about power and opportunity- It happens not because some people are just born with a desire to rape, but because people raised with abusive beliefs are put in situations where they have power and control over someone else and know they won't be held accountable for their actions.

The world of sexual menace is a fabrication. It divides us from our communities, keeps us isolated, and makes us easier to abuse by the people we're actually at risk from. If the woman in the video above is ever hurt by her husband, what are the chances her neighbors will notice, offer her shelter and support? If she has to flee her house in the night, is there anyone in her community who will take her in? She is cut off from everyone close enough to help her if her husband decides to kill her.

Strong community connections are the best, perhaps the only effective defense against sexual assault and abuse. If you're genuinely afraid of being attacked, your best protection is to make sure the people you pass every day know you and are looking out for you. Build yourself the widest safety net possible. So if someone's following you on the street, you know the baristas in the coffee shop will look out for you. You know your elderly neighbor is at her window keeping an eye on you. You know your friends down the road will come pick you up if you call. If your boyfriend is mistreating you, you know your next door neighbors will come over to check on you if they hear shouting. You know your friend a few houses up will let you in if you have to run out of the house barefoot in the middle of the night without your cell phone. You know there are people all over who will help you and protect you and that they vastly out number whoever is trying to hurt you. You're not alone.

One neighbor nearby who knows your name and will help you if you're in trouble is a thousand times more valuable than a dozen fancy door locks.

[theattractivemanblog]

An Explanation of the Arrest of Influential Misogynist Andrew Tate:

An Explanation of the Arrest of Influential Misogynist Andrew Tate:

 To Watch Full video On Youtube By Clicking==>>HERE

 Andrew Tate was born on December 1, 1986, in Washington, District of Columbia, and is a citizen of the United States.

 Recent events in Romania led to the arrest of a 36-year-old man on suspicion of rape and trafficking in human beings.

Tate and his brother Tristan are accused of having recruited victims for a criminal internet porn scam. After the victims were recruited, they were transported to live in houses where they were forced to act in pornographic videos under the threat of physical violence. The videos would then be put up for sale on the internet.

Self-proclaimed "king of toxic masculinity". Michael Tate has admitted that he and his brother once ran a "total scam". Women were paid $4 per minute to talk to men on behalf of the Tate brothers, who kept the majority of the profits for themselves.

  A significant portion of the conversation that surrounds him is concerned with the safety of boys and young men. In 2014, teachers reported an increase in the amount of sexual harassment and sexist hate speech by male students.

 Damian Tate's Twitter account was suspended in October after he tweeted, "If you put yourself in a position to be raped, you must bear responsibility". One of the main social media platforms suspended his accounts, but allowed him to reactivate it on Twitter.

 On December 27, he tweeted at a climate activist to brag about how horrible his sports cars are for the environment. (As of right now, it's the fourth most liked tweet in the history of Twitter) It also makes it very simple to make fun of him.

The Romanian authorities have been examining Tate's properties since April 2022. Thunberg jokingly mentioned the accusations in a tweet that stated "this is what happens when you don't recycle your pizza boxes". People speculated that because the location of the pizza business was evident in the video, it was a hint to Tate's whereabouts.

The "red pill" from The Matrix has become synonymous with a set of right-wing neoreactionary beliefs. Tate can be heard exclaiming, "The Matrix has assaulted me" in a video that was taken during his arrest. QAnon is an off-shoot of the so-called "manosphere," which includes assertions that feminism has gone too far.

 DIICOT has so far identified six victims who it claims were sexually exploited by Tate's group. Despite the false allegations that have been circulating on TikTok, Tate and his brother are still being held in custody for a period of thirty days inside of a correctional facility.

 The arrest of Andrew Tate has once more pushed his name into the public arena. It's unclear what a "leftist Andrew Tate for teen boys" would look like. Instead, experts advise having conversations with children about what they know about Tate and what they think of him.

"It might be funny to them, but it might actually have a negative impact on people because it's threatening, it's scary, and it's upsetting," a psychologist says. "What you can teach that child is how to build up your own confidence and security without necessarily embodying these really toxic traits," she says.

 Andrew Tate, a former kickboxer who became famous as a reality TV personality, has been taken into custody. For a significant amount of time, he was detained for making comments on feminism and delivering hate speech. Additionally, other high-level offences have been established as evidence against him.

 Andrew Tate Fight Record:

The Andrew Tate Fight Record, on the other hand, claims that these four suspects are being investigated as part of a larger criminal enterprise. In retaliation against these four individuals, women were coerced into producing pornographic content in the pursuit of home jobs and other forms of compensation.

Disclaimer: We do NOT have any proof that andrew tate is a misogynist Nor we have any proof that he is involved in Illegal actions but we also cannot prove the opposite. Instead We believe that andrew tate has great value to offer to men in terms of helping men become more masculine and reach their goals. This video is only for entertainment purposes.

To Watch Full video On Youtube By Clicking==>>HERE

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Disclaimer: the information provided in this video are for entertainment and only entertainment purposes. We have No proof of anything mentioned above , everything is just based on our searches which may be Totally or Partially inacurate. — — — — — — — — -

[plannedparenthood]

Domestic Violence Resources During COVID-19

The COVID-19 pandemic means lots of people are physically isolating or sheltering in place to help stay healthy and prevent the spread of the virus  in our communities. But it also means many people are trapped at home with abusive partners or family members, and face increased violence. Since the beginning of the global pandemic, reports of domestic violence are on the rise in the U.S. and across the world. 

There’s never an excuse for abuse of any kind. Being stuck at home, job losses, and financial stress are difficult to deal with. But tough times aren’t a reason to abuse another person. 

Signs of domestic violence include: 

Rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse

Physical or emotional control or manipulation

Being monitored or having your partner keep track of what you do and where you go 

Extreme jealousy and cheating 

Being hit, kicked, pushed, or hurt in any physical way

Name-calling or being insulted or put down

Being kept  from speaking to your friends and family

Forced sex or reproductive coercion, meaning your partner pressures you to have sex or messes with your birth control to cause a pregnancy

Sexual violence can be a big part of domestic violence. It can happen with someone you’ve known for a long time or with someone you’re in a relationship with. Women (especially women of color), LGBTQ+ identified people, and people with disabilities are more likely to experience sexual assault. Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or living with someone — there must be consent before sex every single time. Consent means actively agreeing to have sex or be sexual in any way. Any kind of sexual activity without consent is sexual assault, and it’s not ok. 

Anyone can be a victim of abuse — no matter your gender, sexual orientation, marital status, or age. Emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is not your fault. You deserve to feel safe in your home and in your relationship. If you or someone you know has experienced this type of violence, you’re not alone. If you or someone you know is living with someone who hurts you, there are resources available to help you stay safe. The confidential and private resources below can provide help right away. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is confidential and available 24/7 to give you resources and information, and answer questions about domestic violence or other unhealthy experiences in your relationship. They can provide tools and immediate support to help you find safety.

Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Chat 

En español: https://espanol.thehotline.org/ 

Individuals who are deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224 or email nationaldeafhotline@adwas.org

loveisrespect

loveisrespect is a safe and inclusive space for young people to access information and get help. They also provide information and help for friends, family members, teachers, and counselors who want to support someone who is abused.

Call: 1-866-331-9474

Chat

Text: LOVEIS to 22522*

En español: https://espanol.loveisrespect.org/

RAINN

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) helps prevent sexual violence, support survivors, and bring offendors to justice. The National Sexual Assault Hotline connects you with a trained staff member from your local sexual assault service provider.

Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Chat

En español: https://rainn.org/es

Other resources for help and information: 

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

NO MORE

Break the Cycle

FUTURES Without Violence

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

This Sarah Everard case is so terrifying for women. But not only am I terrified - I am furious.

⚠️ tw for mentions of r*pe, sexual assault, violence against women, murder etc. ⚠️

She was just walking, including walking by busy roads and not dark alleyways. She was dressed in winter clothes. Even if she HAD walked down a dark alleyway or been wearing something short or “revealing��, she still wasn’t doing anything wrong - she was just walking somewhere.

Her murderer - a police officer named Wayne Couzens - plotted to murder a woman to live out his perverse fantasy. He didn’t plot to kill a specific woman - he knew he would murder a woman, any woman he thought he could abduct, any woman who would be out at night on her own. Sarah was just there.

Not only did he drive miles and hours to kill a woman, not only was he a police officer… he used his badge, police belt, handcuffs and credentials to fake arrest her to get her into his car. If a police officer tells you to go with them, we’re told to not resist, to be obedient or we will be in even more trouble. Even if she HAD done what the MET have just said women should do - “question non uniformed officers!” - it wouldn’t have helped her because he was a police officer. He had the credentials. Why would she run away and resist a police officer? And if women do resist, the police commit violence against them (like at the Clapham Common vigil for Sarah).

He handcuffed her, drove her for hours, then raped and murdered her. This fucking monster strangled her with his fucking police belt. He burnt her body and disposed of her in a pond.

A police officer did this - a fucking police officer, a MET officer, the MET we’re supposed to trust. And you want women to trust them?!!

And I don’t want to hear that “don’t judge the whole profession based on one bad apple”, because guess what? This is not the first time a police officer has harmed a woman. There is misogyny rooted deep in the MET that needs to be addressed. Wayne Couzens was literally nicknamed “The Rapist” by other police officers and had offended in the past by flashing people, and that’s just what we know of - and yet not a single person did anything. The police joked about it. Several officers gave character references supportive of Couzens during the hearings for his sentencing, and female officers told the press that they did not feel as if they could report concerning behaviour by male colleagues.

It’s thought that at LEAST 15 serving or former police officers have killed women in UK since 2009, and HUNDREDS of UK police officers have convictions for crimes, including assault. There are many cases that do not go reported, and so it’s likely the numbers on both counts are actually higher. Why are they still allowed to serve? Why is our government giving them more power and freedom to arrest whoever they please? “It’s not that many” - IT SHOULD NOT BE ANY.

If you can’t see why there’s a huge problem with our police force and why we say “fuck the police”, you’re part of the problem.

And the fear and anger we feel isn’t new - this has been a problem for literally all of our lives.

At 11, I learnt to come home before dark, and if it was dark in the winter on my way home (meaning: every night in winter), I was taught to not go down any dark lanes, and if I was walking the dark lane I had to go down if I got the bus home, I was to walk as fast as I could and to not have earphones in because i wouldn’t hear attackers. Every day from September 2009 to July 2014, coming home from secondary school, I was told to either wait for my dad or grandad to pick me up or to walk down the busiest road that ran near my house and had constant cars on it. I couldn’t take the shortcut down the public footpath on my way home from sixth form college because it was too dark and isolated - I had to go around it and through the village instead, which took more time but was vaguely safer. Since university, I’ve made a point of waiting for the hourly bus that stops just round the corner from my home and on the busiest road, even though I have to wait up to an hour for it usually, because getting the bus that comes every 15 minutes means walking up the dark quiet lane.

At age 13, I learnt not to talk to even very friendly men, even not in broad daylight, even with a female friend, when some old man approached us and started complimenting us, telling us we had “nice smiles” and “I can hook you up with someone who can help you get into acting” and “here’s £10, you go down to the garage down the road and get whatever you girls want”.

At 14, I learnt not to sit in trees in the park by the gate, not even during the day when it’s sunny, when an old man entered the park, took one look at me, and said “you’ve got a nice arse”. I couldn’t prove he had said anything, and I would see him on my way to school sometimes and panic.

At 19, I learnt that I could not trust friendly men online. Apologies to any decent men I have spoken to online - there’s a few who are nice and not weird, I’m not talking about them. I learnt this when a guy I was speaking to on my old blog - who had for weeks just been generally nice and checking in on me - started to send intimate and sexual messages that started with “*hugs you*” and became “*spanks your ass*”, “takes your clothes off”, “f*cks you hard”, just to name a few (and these were the milder ones). When I asked his age, he merely said “older” than me - “more than twice as old as you”, actually. I learnt to not talk to men online, and if I did then I had to set very clear boundaries in a way that wasn’t too obvious - not say it outright but make it clear I am “unavailable”.

I have to carry a rape alarm on my keys, just in case. I could go out to bars if I wanted to, I could have at university when all my peers were - but doing it meant risking the chance of being harmed while intoxicated or on my way home. I have to send my location to my mother if I get any Ubers, if I go out to theatres or cinemas in the evening I have to text my mum to say I’ve arrived safe. I only feel safe out at night if I’m with a man that I trust like my dad or grandad - I got very lucky at Uni because not only did one girl make sure I got home safely at 1 in the morning by calling me a cab, but one boy even stayed with me on another night until my dad arrived to pick me up, because he knew leaving me intoxicated at 2:30 in the morning was dangerous. I have even phoned my grandmother while walking home in the dark because being on the phone to someone means you’re less of a target to an attacker.

Men do not have this experience - or, if they do, it’s nowhere near the fear and worry women feel every day. Women can’t even walk somewhere without being worried of being attacked - we cannot go anywhere without asking ourselves “am I safe?”. Are we wearing the “correct” clothing, so as to not give off the wrong idea? Are we walking down the well lit roads where it’s busy? Are we aware of our surroundings, of every single person nearby? Do I have my keys in my hand, ready to defend myself if I’m attacked? Women are blamed if we are attacked - not men, but women. “She was dressed slutty” “she was passed out drunk” “she was walking down a dark lane” “she was out late”.

When doing safe guarding training at my current TA job, I came across this phrase: “always think it can and will happen”. Just as a teacher or TA should not think “none of my students will be victims of abuse”, women should not for one second believe that they are safe and “it will never happen to me” - every day we have to think of how to prevent our own assault or murder, just in case.

Every time I’m walking home in the dark, I have the fleeting wonder of “what picture(s) of me will they use if I’m attacked or go missing?”. I was not really surprised when I saw that other women said the same thing. Women wonder it so often it’s almost a joke, an absent minded thought. But it’s not a joke - it’s real life for us, every single day.

Sarah Everard is not a one off case. Sabina Nessa, a 28 year old primary school teacher, was murdered on 18th September this year, her body discovered the next day by a dog walker. So far in 2021, 110 women have been murdered in the UK by men (or men are the prime suspects). Only a handful get national attention because at this point, violence and murder against women have become normalised in this country.

I am not only heartbroken for all of these women and their families - I am scared for my own safety; I am scared for the safety of my mother, my grandmother, my aunts. I am scared for the safety of my 20 year old sister, the safety of my 17 and 14 year old cousins, for the safety of my older male cousin’s two daughters who are only 4 and 1. I am scared for the safety of every single girl and woman I have worked with, the safety of every woman I have ever spoken to.

But I am also furious and filled with rage. Women should not be scared to go out or have fun, we should not have to take such precautions or measures that still won’t completely prevent our assaults or murders. I am sick and tired of the victim blaming when a woman is murdered, of the indifference of “oh another woman”, of this being how women are expected to live their lives.

I’m tired of this problem being ignored by our government, tired of no one giving a shit about us or our safety.

[hutchhitched]

And training has begun. Our favorite duo is impressing the gamemakers and learning to tie knots. How very non-domestic of them. Here are thoughts and musings on Chapter 7 for @everlarkedalways​ THG reread.

 Currently, I’m reading a book called Jesus and John Wayne, by Kristin Kobes Du Mez. The general thesis of the book is that white evangelicalism is obsessed with patriarchy and masculinity and celebrates that rather than emphasizing the gentler, more peaceful teachings of Jesus Christ. (While I have some issues with the larger historical study, I don’t particularly disagree with her thesis. Her book is the most gendered studies of American evangelical Christianity I’ve read in a long, long time.) A friend from work invited me to an online discussion group about the book with some friends of hers and the topic of gender roles played prominently in our conversation. Mostly, I kept thinking about portrayals of Katniss and Peeta and how those have sparked debates and arguments over Peeta’s masculinity or lack thereof.

 Peeta is strong, but he’s an artist, a painter, and a baker. He’s gentle and compassionate and kind, and he’s in love with Katniss. He’s been emotionally and physically abused by his mother, and he knows brute strength can’t help him win the game because Katniss will die if he tries. He makes a decision to protect her, but to do it behind the scenes. He can’t puff up his chest and kill the people who want her dead, so he does it by sacrificing himself for her long before they’re in the area. As such, many critics of the series (more so the movies than the books, I believe), including the actors themselves, often referred to Peeta as the damsel in distress who has to be saved by Katniss.

 There is a fundamental lack of critical examination in those interpretations of Peeta’s character. He is the epitome of non-toxic masculinity, but there is a rejection of that by society. Remember the Gillette commercial a few years ago that showed men being kind and gentle? Remember the backlash from it? Society is obsessed with strength and violence, and looks down on men who aren’t hypermasculine and/or show what are considered “feminine” qualities. In other words, Peeta has been emasculated.

 In the book itself, Peeta’s mother emasculates him by brow-beating him into submission and running her family with an iron fist. Mrs. Mellark is a strong woman, and in this context, that’s not a good thing. She’s overbearing and a “witch,” according to Katniss. She’s taken power away from her husband, evidenced by him not buying squirrels from Katniss unless Mrs. Mellark is absent. She’s also taken Peeta’s self-esteem and self-worth away by abusing him and telling him she thinks Katniss is a survivor, implicating that Peeta is not.

 Historically, masculinity has played a significant role in the development of the United States. White masculinity was codified in a series of laws in colonial Virginia in the seventeenth century, and southern masculinity was glorified and adulated during the antebellum period and beyond. Non-white men were emasculated in order to highlight the power of white men. Some examples:

Traditional gender roles in European societies centered on men providing for the family by owning land, farming, running an estate and so on while women’s roles were to work within the home. Rich men hunted for leisure (think fox hunting in packs, hunting quail, that kind of thing). Traditional gender roles for many Native American groups included women farming and gathering, while men hunted. Europeans believed Native American men were lazy because they played all the time (went out in hunting parties), while the women worked the fields. As a result, Native American men were emasculated and had their power stripped by European colonizers.

Africans who were enslaved were not allowed to legally marry under the system of slavery. Despite that, slave owners encouraged their slaves to “marry” (lived together as man and wife without the legal protections that entailed) because enslaved men who were married tended to be better workers due to fear that their wives and/or children would be punished if they rebelled or misbehaved. They had no control over their own families because enslaved peoples could be sold at any time at the whim of their owners (fathers sold away from wives and children or vice versa). In addition, white men often raped female slaves in order to a) terrorize the enslaved and b) impregnate the women who would give birth to more slaves. In addition, matrilineal succession was codified in a series of laws that ensured the offspring of an enslaved woman would follow the mother, not the father. That allowed white men to enslave their own offspring without consequence, and it emasculated male slaves in numerous ways. For example, enslaved men were not allowed to protect their spouses from being raped; enslaved men were not able to pass on their family names due to matrilineal succession; and enslaved men frequently had “wives” with children from another male. Each of those methods took power away from black men and put it in the hands of whites.

In 1676, Nathaniel Bacon asked for permission to raise a militia to fight a group of Native Americans who he believed had attacked his land. The governor refused permission, so Bacon did it anyway. He mustered yeomen farmers (poor white landowners), indentured servants (often Irish or poorer English contract workers), and slaves (African men). With this group, he challenged the wealthy white men in colonial Virginia.

What does all this mean? Peeta is a male with characteristics that are typically viewed as feminine (point 1), who is forced against his will to perform/work for the wealthy and privileged (point 3), and is unable to protect the woman he loves from harm (point 2). In other words, Peeta has been emasculated by Panem’s government and society.

 Please don’t read this as me saying Peeta is not masculine. I personally don’t hold to this idea that men have to engage in toxic masculinity in order to be male. My personal preference is a man who is compassionate and caring and nurturing. What I’m saying is I understand why people can read Peeta as weak, even if I don’t happen to agree that his characteristics are effeminate.

 Collins presents Katniss as a scared, angry, determined girl who engages in activities that aren’t necessarily feminine. Hunting and killing game, trading, and so on are very different activities than most of the women in Panem. She is, figuratively, bringing home the bacon and the primary breadwinner (ha!) for her family. Her role as a strong and independent and working against traditional gender roles is celebrated while Peeta’s are criticized. I find that fascinating. It’s kind of like it seems normal for women to dress in pants and t-shirts, but Harry Styles can’t wear a dress without causing an uproar. Oh, the double standard.

 I won’t get into how the movies and press marketed Katniss as a badass warrior. Let’s just say it pisses me off and absolutely misses the point of the books in my opinion.

 One last point since I’m headlong into gender theory here. Katniss and Peeta work as a team, equal partners as they negotiate their way through training. Collins seems to be a proponent of men and women carrying equal loads in relationships, and I’m here for it. Peeta doesn’t look down on Katniss as someone who needs to be protected (although he wants to protect her in any way he can), and Katniss doesn’t allow Peeta to make all the decisions for them. They work together, and it’s a beautiful thing. They have no idea the effect they have…on me when they do that. It’s my life’s goal to find someone who wants to be with me because I’m capable and not someone to be rescued. Katniss can rescue her own damn self, and I’m here for it.

 Okay, I’m behind again, but I’ll get there. If you’ve read all this, thank you for your consideration!

[pynkhues]

1, 4, 8 in SFW and 8, 10, 11 in NSFW for Mick and Mary Pat please.

1. Who cooks?

Mary Pat. Mick has a lot of skills, but he's an average cook at best, used to eating out or, if at home, eating from a can or a box. Mary Pat herself is pretty average – she's not Beth, after all, and her and Jeff never had money – but she's used to making boxes of pasta stretch, used to making the best of offcut meat and budget sausages that are more bread than pork, tins of tomatoes past their best before date, and the homebrand dried herbs that have that slightly musty smell.

She knows how to make something the better side of 'okay' out of it, and it still takes her a little by surprise, the way Mick can clean a plate of it, how he tells her it's the best thing he's had all week, how he asks her how she gets the sauce to thicken (just a little bit of cornflour) or the steak the right type of rare (practice, maybe, or gut instinct). Just is forever charmed because she's not the best cook, but Mick treats her like she is.

4. Living space has a leak! Who fixes it?

Mick! He's a handy guy!

8. Who knows how to swim? Who doesn’t?

Thing is, Mick lives for water. Has since he was a kid. There's something about the feel of it against his skin that's as close to luxury as he can ever imagine. He's never wanted the expensive sheets, clothes, never wanted the perfectly manicured hands of a pampered woman at his shoulders, but water? Yeah, he fucks with water. Has even more so as he's gotten older, and he doesn't really want to think about it, but when he does he thinks there's probably some sort of salvation in it. A washing of sins, a baptism in chlorine, and it's one of the few things he lets himself have.

Mary Pat, she's never felt one way or the other about it. She can swim, but she's not a strong swimmer (never really had the time to become one), but the first time Mick pulls her into his hot tub, she laughs, settles her back against the hydrojet and enjoys the massage well enough, but finds herself distracted by the look on Mick's face. The way his features smooth not in the way they do when he's schooling his expression, but in some sort of release. Finds herself feeling the gift of it, this peace he's offering her, extending to her, and maybe she finds something for herself in that too.

8. Favourite erogenous zones?

I think Mary Pat in particularly is really touchstarved, so she's often responsive to any sort of contact. I think in particular though, she likes her ears being touched but not her neck or shoulders, loves her cheek cupped, caressed, the backs of her thighs and her ass palmed, a graze of the small of her back.

For Mick, I think there's nothing really more sensual than his hands. Something about having the worn pads of Mary Pat's fingers tracing his palm, gently touching his bruised knuckles, massaging his trigger finger. The way she's not afraid of them, of him, the way when she's ready, she'll move his hands to her hips as she pulls him in for a kiss.

10. First to orgasm? Last to orgasm? Who comes the most? Does someone ever end up unfinished? + 11. Favourite romantic gestures during sex/orgasm?

(Combining these two, I hope you don't mind!)

It depends on the early days of their relationship versus the latter days. I tend to think Mick's the first man she's been with since Boomer raped her, and it means there's adjustments for her. A few false starts, a few uncertainties, a few nights where she needs to pull the plug, and Mick doesn't know what happened, but he's known women like Mary Pat before, and he knows to back off, to give her space, to let her roll away from him when she needs to. Knows how to let her create the distance she needs, but also knows how to gently cross it again when she's ready.

Knows how to live in this space with her, because maybe he hasn't been through what she has, but there's enough trauma, enough abuse, enough violence in Mick's own life that maybe sometimes he needs it too. Needs the quiet understanding when sex compounds the fracture instead of eases it.

But sometimes it does ease it. Sometimes they are soft touches with calloused hands and gentle, generous flesh with jagged scars, and they know how to kiss each other in a way that invites instead of demands and gives instead of takes, and it's in those moments where something doesn't spark inside them, but grows like a thicket, like a gasping spring time as Mary Pat lowers herself onto him and every way they've found something beautiful in everything ugly they've done and been through is enough to pull them both through.

Ask me for my shipping headcanons!

[cosmiccandydreamer]

Insecure Chapter 1

~Summary: What happens when life starts to intrude on the sick dark fairy tail you have found with the Firefly family? Is this softer side of our favorite hillbilly slasher bound to run out? ~

PARING( OTIS DRIFTWOOD X Reader She/Her)

(I do not own these gifs)

The sun peeked through the cracked blinds, slowly illuminating the once pitch-black room. Although it was already close to noon, the Firefly family was fast asleep still. Y/n rubbed the sleep from your eyes and stretched out your left arm over your head while yawning. It happened to be a long night, one of laughter and sex and violence, everything that entailed an excellent time in this family. You were celebrating the second anniversary of being proposed to. While most people might find that to be a silly thing to celebrate but you weren't most people; no one here in this house was like most people.

You hurried to get closer to your husband. To say that you love this man was an understatement, for love could not express the bond that you are too dark souls have created. You lifted your left hand to examine the scar on your palm, the same one that Otis had on his. You thought back to all the past events that had led you both to where you were now.

"Now, sweetheart, why would you ask me a thing like that?" Otis was glancing over at you, who was on his truck’s passenger side as they drove down a long dirt road in Ruggsville, texas. It was a warm day, and you had the front side window down as you stuck your hand out lazily into the warm air. You had on tiny jean shorts and a tank top,  y/h/c flowing in the wind from the open window; you twirled one strand as you looked toward the passing flat scenery on the way home.

You and Otis had stopped into Spaulding’s roadside attraction to drop off Otis's latest artwork." I'm just curious because lately, I feel like you've been trying to incorporate more of the corpses into lovemaking time, and I just I don't know... I was wondering if you were starting to get tired of me," you asked him as your voice began to trail off at the end of your sentence. You shot him a playful smile, but he could tell that behind your eyes, there was doubt and insecurity brewing. 

It started that he just wouldn't take the corpses off the bed when you two had started your lovemaking. Now you were open-minded, and you were pretty much into anything. Still, you noticed more and more that it was less of him moving them because of an inconvenience, and more or less he wanted them there. It had become an argument the last time. You’d always told him that if there was anything he wanted to try with you, you trusted him, you loved him, there was not anything you can think of that you would deny him. Still, if he was more attracted to dead bodies, that's going to be a problem. 

"I already told you you're my everything. You're mine forever; there’s no way I could get tired of all this'' he says as he reaches over and rubs his large hand on your exposed thigh. You looked over at him and tilted your head. "I mean, I know it's something that you enjoy, and I'm so glad it's just that, you know dead girls if there are other girls you're having sex with..." she looked away from him and out the window staring again towards the fields. " I don't even see them as girls anymore; they’re just vessels for my rage and anger. I mean, I'll kill anybody, but I only sleep with someone I love, and I only love you y/n'' Otis said, shooting her a toothy smile. " I mean, I don't even look at another woman the way I look at you and shit, I've given up all the whores and, what not.

The moment you became mine, you know that. " he looked over to you again while simultaneously looking back at the road with one hand on the wheel and one on your thigh, now rubbing small circles on your skin. "I know that you take whatever I give you in the bedroom," he chuckles. "I know we get rough, wild, and downright freaky… but I also know that you've breakable, and I also know that I can hurt you badly, hurt you so bad that you may not be here anymore with me and I can't accept a reality where you may not be with me". 

You turned to face him, now taking your arm from the window and placing it under your head to rest it against the door. " You know the devil lives in me, sweet, heart," he says as he looks back to the road, never moving his hand from your leg. "And sometimes when the  devil side comes out .." he coughs a little and clears his throat, " what comes out I need something that I can release without worrying about if it hurts or if it breaks or if it dies." He's looking toward the road now, but his eyes seem empty, like he's lost in thought and far away.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and crawled over to him and laid your head in his lap. "So you scared you’d break me ?" You asked him as you stared at him from on his lap. His long silver hair is flowing in the wind, his large, strong hands both now grip the steering wheel " of course I am," he says but softer now like more to himself than to you. 

He looks down and places his hand on your cheek, and gives you a small smile. You set your much smaller hand on his rubbing his thumb. " Remember when I said I wanted to be inside your darkest everything and know everything? Is this you showing me that? By allowing me to be aware of the bodies or whatnot".  " It is, " he replies, looking down at you again. Still one hand on the wheel and one on your  cheek."  I knew you were the one for me who no matter what I showed you, no matter what I told you you didn't love me you didn't get frightened you came closer I want you to be inside my darkest everything forever" you blink and smile" I love you my devil monster " "I love you too kitten I love you too.”    

Despite your conversation in the car, things were a little awkward for the next few weeks; it was evident that he was not bringing up the topic around you and seemingly avoided you; you weren't sure why but it was starting to piss you off. The whole house could feel the tension; your usual loving demeanor was not as present. You confronted him the next time you saw him " so what you mad at me or something? " You asked him, crossing your arms in the doorway of his art studio down in the basement, " no what the fuck you are going on about," he replied, not looking up from his work, you couldn't even begin to figure out what was on that table. " I just feel like you're avoiding me. If you have a problem, I wanna talk about it" "don't you start with me y/n, I ain't got to problem you the one that had a problem, so I'm trying to not cause one by keeping my work separate.” You decided that the next time there was a corpse in the room you were going to take the initiative with, you figured that was the only way to help him with his uncomfortably considering he was not great at communicating .about it. It was obvious you had to take matters into your own hands to help fix this awkwardness.

 You knew that Otis had relations with them when you were out You've walked in a couple of times. You're not going to lie and say you weren't curious. Still, it was hard not to feel insecure, mainly because you've had bad past relationships. Other men in your life have always made you feel like they prefer the company of others, other women, compared to you, and granted, this was not a liability. However, the idea that you  had to compete with something was not sitting well with you, e especially something that reasonably would be unfamiliar to anyone. The times you did walk in you weren't sure what to do A lot of the times, Otis would stop and come over to you and usually finish with you. You started getting anxious about when the door is closed if you're going to walk in on him with the corpse, and if so, what do you do. Even if you were interested in understanding this part of his world where would you start?

Otis was uncharacteristic soft with you in those tim.es If you'd walk in and lowered your eyes and say sorry he would always say, " this is your room too Darlin where ya going, which would usually follow him giving you open mouth kiss trailing down your neck slowly leading you to the bed where you may have to push the unfortunate dead woman over to the side. Well, technicality wasn't a real woman so to say it was confirmed in the sense that she once was alive but is it still cheating, or is it the same as if he had a blow-up doll? You already knew about the comings and goings in the basement. Was this so shocking that this was occurring? You know you loved him and you knew that there would be nothing that would break up in the bond that you two had b, ut you weren't sure e how to handle this. You decided to embrace it. If this was something important to him, it would be necessary to you, and you were going to learn to incorporate it the best way you could. 

You thought back to the conversation in the car, No, he technically can't stab you in the abdomen while having sex or you won't be around anymore, and that makes sense; he has to release his rage in some way. You had already agreed no more raping of live women and no more picking up whores ( that wasn't an issue when it came to the live women he wanted you and only you) You did things to his mind. His bodies that no other women have ever done or could do, he more or less got the whores. He lived women when he needed a release after all this adrenaline, but now he had you for that.

So just as luck would have it, some unfortunate hitchhikers became the next round of victims in the home. You told Otis that you would be going with Baby into town. You don't know when you'll be back, knowing that when you were gone, he would probably take the time alone to have relations with the corpses. But you had a plan; you knew that if this was going to work, you would have to open your mind even more. You wanted to be in Otis’s world. You wanted to know everything that made him happy and turned him on and made him tick, so you decided to be part of it 100% jumping in without looking back. You waited a while until the house was entirely changed into your favorite lingerie with the silk robe and wandered up into the room. Sure enough, Otis was at it; he still had one corpse lai,d out on the table spread eagle for the world to see while he thrust into it angrily while stabbing the abdomen with two large hunting knives. "I see I'm missing out on a good time," You say slowly twirling the belt of your robe.

 He turned around and looked at you, startled " I thought you went out with Baby.. " he was out of breath blood, splattered onto his chest and in his hair with wide looking his eyes, both knives still in his hand and at that moment something clicked, he seemed,d so feral, so primal so .. sexy... you knew you had to have him. Slowly dropping your robe you walked over to him "please don't stop on my account, handsome," you said, confusion washed over his face. You walked over to the chair next to the dead body, flung your legs onto the table, and proceeded to take care of yourself, running your hands down into your warm flower while crushing your breast. His eyes widened bigger than you've ever seen a smile crept across his face; he took a deep breath, " I fucking love you, so God damn much, you know ?" he started to thrust again in between every thrust he raised his voice " I .. love .. you..so .. fucking ..much ". 

If you enjoyed my work please consider donating to my coffee fund or cash app! Link is in the masterlist.

[windofbloom]

The oldest democracy in Latin America is killing its citizens

Photo Source || Why we are protesting?

Cúcuta is anti-uribista and anti-pathriarcal.

Colombia has been badly named the oldest democracy in Latin America, the most steady. Reality is that Colombia has been living a long cruel dictatorship posing as democracy.

After a week of demonstrations against the abuses of our country, the government led by President Iván Duque, who follows the orders of the criminal, ex-president, and ex-senator, Álvaro Uribe Velez decided to kill Colombian citizens, to allow disappearance, rape, and sexual abuse against those who peacefully demonstrate their discomfort, even attacking those who simply pass by and hadn't involved themselves in the demonstrations.

Today, I'm accusing the New York University and IVY: The Lifelong University of supporting the vile crimes the Colombian Government had committed against the citizens. Not only they had given a platform to President Iván Duque and the criminal Álvaro Uribe Velez but also after multiple responses from colombians with what has been happening here, they didn't apologize not even take a chance to talk against these atrocities, instead they delete the tweet where they sponsored such criminals.

This is not a matter of free speech, you are giving a platform to murders. You are giving them a platform to lie to the world about the atrocities happening here following their orders.

1443 cases of police brutality, 77 cases of weapon used against unarmed civilians, 31 homicides committed by the police force, 814 arbitrary detentions, 10 victims of sexual abuse by the police.

More videos about what is happening in Colombia.

The New York Times reports 1 and 2

Just an hour ago of writing this post, Colombian's government already passed the letter which they ask to retire the tax reform that, as I posted in a previous post, was the got that spilled the glass in a country where inequity and violence have been part of our daily lives.

In days before Minister Carrasquilla, the man in charge of designing such terrible tax reform pass his resign.

Even if those things can seem like a victory the problem it's not over. President Iván Duque had refused to meet with the protestor and the opposition parties to resolve the fiscal gap, instead, he had met with the traditional parties and plans to pass another tax reform made in only two days.

In addition, a possible candidate to replace the past Minister is Oscar Iván Zuluaga, a man well known to be a strong follower of Álvaro Uribe, a man against the previously sign peace process and who's involved in the Odebrech corruption case.

Women's bodies are still a war zone

With ten victims of sexual abuse officially registered, shooting, hitting, and disappearance aren't the only things to fear in this country when it comes to demonstrating.

A 12 years old girl was raped by a policeman during the demonstration on May 3 who threatens the family not to speak about it.

ESMAD members were caught in the video telling each other to let a group of women pass, to later corner them, and do 'whatever they want to them.' One of them even jokes asking if one of them would 'ride them.'

While I was walking alone in La Hoja square, a group of policemen cornered me and sexually harassed me. They told me 'if this is how the protesters are, how good to gas them. You don't know how scared I was thinking I wouldn't be able to come back home. Fucking police."

Today I came to tell you I participated in the peaceful demonstrations. Today I was in the demonstration on Sameco at the Romboy, how a lot of you know, I always show my respect to the police force since my father belongs to it, I always believed the police force acted by citizen provocation but today I was the victim of an act that made me lost my respect for the ESMAD. I was standing with raise hands telling them I wasn't armed and I didn't have intentions of doing something, they lunged at us, separating us our group with gasses and stunners.

They let me in a small group of ten or fewer people, men were hit and taken, women were separated. At that moment one of the ESMAD members sexually abused me, in front of all his comrades including a woman, to whom I show my discontent. Being a woman I told her she was trash to allow that abuse. I started a live to let people know their faces and numbers of them but, just at that moment, someone called me and live cut off. In the middle of the call they approached me again and one of the ESMAD members who was with by four more, take me by one of my arms, bent it to submit me hurting me without me doing anything. During the call, I could tell my father the data of this agent. I told him I was going to press charges against him.

This is to let you know, even if I protest or specifically demonstrate they don't care, join us, this isn't going to stop me. Stronger than ever!

Another group of women said how they got trapped in a scrub when the ESMAD illegally intervene in the demonstration and were abused by them.

In 2017, 2018 and 2019 members of the police force sexually abuse 241 women. There's the probability the numbers are higher since there's silencing around sexually abused victims.

Another thing that worries us is the health reform known as Law 010 of 2020 that pretends to privatize more the health system in Colombia, close hospitals, reduce the number of health services, and letting Colombians with bare access to health depending on how much they can afford.

In addition, we have been demanding the dressing of President Iván Duque, the current Ombudsman, and legal actions against the police officers, ESMAD, and military who had been attacking, abusing, disappearing, and raping civilians.

The Centro Democrático party has blood on its hands

The local political party, Centro Democrático, those who blindly follow Álvaro Uribe, the one President Iván Duque belongs and the same people who have been constantly accused of corruption, make sure to make impossible to reform the police force in Colombia last year voting against the reform, in 2021 it is impossible to ignore how the ESMAD must be dismantled and the police must be reform. We cannot forget or ignore the responsibility of General Zapateiro who has been controlling the military forces attacking civilians.

Even some representatives of the Government have made public how they wished to banned social media and the Internet to avoid gatherings of what they called 'terrorists.'

Álvaro Uribe gave the order

On May 3, the ex-president and ex-senator Álvaro Uribe Velez, a man that hasn't been charged by his crimes against Colombia because of the corruption and his actual power inside the country, the man that has ordered and allow genocide, the one that found and help paramilitary, and has links to drug trafficking even to the dead Pablo Escobar Twitted:

1. Strengthen FFAA, weakened by equating them with terrorists, La Habana and JEP. And with narrative to override their legitimate actions. 2. Recognize: terrorism greater than imagined; 4. Accelerate the social; 5. Resist Dissipated Molecular Revolution: prevents normality, scale, and cup.

The previous ones are concepts to talk about 'communism.' Every single of these words had been previously used and teach by the fascist and extreme right Alexis López, media director in Chile who was recently in Colombia and to the day of writing this post even interview by the local radio WRadio as an 'expert.'

In February of this year, 2021, this fascist visit the Military University to teach how to deal with social demonstration, naming them 'Dissipated Molecular Revolution,' under the same way Chilean President Sebastián Piñera, and of course we know how the Chilean government abuse and violently tried to repress demonstrations.

This way of action is neo-fascism doctrine. What people initially considered the tweet of a senile man was, in fact, the order of a genocidal to designate demonstrations as terrorism. On the same exact day during the night, police forces, ESMAD attacked with guns and fire-gun civilians in the city of Cali, Colombia.

(1) We have obtained conversations between high officials of the Colombian government where they ask to generate fear and create false tendencies that the "guerrillas" are in the cities of Colombia, that is totally false, they want to generate fear. We keep working.

(2) The government plans to create a strategy to block roads to prevent food from entering cities such as Cali, Medellín and Bogotá if protests persist. We keep working.

(4) Conversations affirm of an order to attack and not let the human rights verification commissions pass in the city of Cali - Valle del Cauca, this is extremely serious.

Tweet number (3) mentioned USA Government, how they tell the Colombians Government about their fear of a coup. To the hour of writing and publish this post, Twitter forced to delete that tweet.

While Colombians are being butchered, on May 3 a group of the big bankers, those who pay literally no taxes and are the cause of the fiscal gap, have the audacity to call the retirement of the new tax reform 'another waste opportunity.' Saying this was caused by some politician without serious, constructive debate.

It wasn't politicians who made retire the tax reform. It was Colombian people.

It wasn't a waste of opportunity. It was another detrimental to Colombians who would, with no doubt, drown Colombia into severe poverty.

It didn't need serious and constructive debate. It needed, you ANIFF, Banco AV Villas, Grupo Aval TO PAY YOUR GOD DAMN TAXES.

You have blood on your hands.

Anonymous video

Thank you to every single person inside and outside Colombia who's been fighting, thank you to those who are not with us, for those we are looking for. Thank you to those who even at home have been twitting, sharing, filming, and helping those in need. Thank you to every single K-pop fan Colombian and not Colombian, because you have given the best 'shut the fuck up' to those inside this country who, even seeing the atrocities committed by the government, support their actions and the crimes committed by the police and military forces.

[amanda-glassen]

The Love of Her Life

Some Serena and baby Liv fluff for day 1 of @dailysvu Olivia Benson Week: The moment you fell in love with Olivia Benson. Prequel to The Wonder Years.

February 2009

From the moment she found out she was pregnant, Serena began reading pregnancy websites and parenting magazines, but the most sound parenting advice came from her own mother who told her that no book, magazine, or website could ever fully prepare her for what it’d be like when she actually held her baby for the first time. After Olivia had been dried off, she was placed tummy-down on Serena’s chest so the skin-to-skin contact could help Serena bond with Olivia during her first moments on this earth. She was wearing a little pink knit hat, but underneath it Serena could see Olivia’s soft dark hair. She’s a brunette like me. Feeling her baby against her skin as she held her for the first time was even more overwhelming than she thought it would be and Serena couldn’t help crying.

“You did good, baby,” her mom said as she kissed Serena’s temple. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Serena responded. “Mom, how is it possible to love someone so much? I thought I couldn’t love her more than I already did when she was in my womb, but that love doesn’t even compare to what I feel for her right now.”

The Bensons had a beach house in Malibu along Pacific Coast Highway and the sound of the waves at night had always been therapeutic for Serena. When her thoughts and the memories got to be too much for her after she had been raped, she’d sit outside on her balcony and listen to the waves while writing in her pregnancy journal. She filled page after page about what she was feeling and what her hopes were for Olivia. On more than one occasion, she wrote about how－if she closed her eyes really tight and just listened to her surroundings－she could be twelve-years-old again and riding boogie boards with her brother and sister or even six-years-old and making sandcastles with them. Some of her best memories were at the beach, but the one she knew she’d never be able to top was that first night she brought Olivia home.

Serena stood on the balcony in her Columbia University hoodie and a pair of pajama pants. Although February in Malibu was nowhere near as cold as February in New York, she made sure to dress Olivia in her warmest pajamas and wrap her in a blanket. 

“Sorry this isn’t skin-to-skin contact, but Mommy can’t be topless on the balcony,” she said as she held Olivia to her chest. “How about to make up for it, I let you drool all you want on my Columbia hoodie? We’ll be going back there in August. Columbia is Mommy’s school and she has to finish up her senior year.” Why am I talking about myself in the third person? I can’t believe I’ve become one of those moms already. “Everyone thinks it's going to be hard for me to be a full time student at an Ivy League school and be a mom living on my own, but I think we'll be okay. Your grandma is going to stay there from time to time and we have a great support system. It’s a lot colder in New York but it’s beautiful in autumn when the leaves change colors. In a couple of years, I’m going to take you trick-or-treating. I can’t wait. There’s a lot of things I can’t wait to do with you, but at the same time I want you to stay this small and cuddly.”

“The semester before I got pregnant with you, I was in a Shakespearean seminar and I got your name from Twelfth Night. My professor was really strict though. He started teaching in the early ‘80s and won’t even let us bring our laptops to class. We’re only allowed handwritten notes. After a three hour class, my right hand was so numb and I thought it was going to fall off. I want to be an English lit professor someday, but I promise I won’t be like him. I’ll actually acknowledge that it’s the 21st century. I’m sorry for rambling. I know it’s important to talk, read, and sing to your baby and trust me when I say you don’t want me singing so you’re stuck with me talking and reading to you. I have so many stories to tell you. There’s this cookie place that your aunt Lexie and uncle Kyle and I love. When you can start eating solids, you and I will share a cookie there. They’re open until 3 a.m. Can you believe it? I bet 3 a.m. is nothing for you, though. You’re a little party animal. You like to sleep all day and stay up all night, have a drink at midnight and 2 a.m.”

“Can you hear the waves?” Serena asked her daughter. “The sound is relaxing, isn’t it? My doctor told me that the most soothing sound for a baby when he or she is in the womb is their mother’s heartbeat. Now that you’re not in the womb anymore, you’re going to hear all types of sounds, some more soothing than others. I hope the ocean is one of them. Can you believe all the way across this big body of water, there’s other countries and people just like us? Maybe there’s a mommy and a baby listening to the waves on the baby’s first day at home just like we are.”

Although Olivia couldn’t understand a word she was saying, she felt as if she still had to get this next bit of information off of her chest. “I’m new to this, Olivia. Just nine months ago, I was a sorority girl who went to parties every Friday and Saturday night and then something really bad happened to me and my life took a turn I didn’t expect it to. Being a mom wasn’t what I had planned, but here you are and I never imagined loving someone so much. I’m probably going to get things wrong four out of five times, but I’m still learning and I promise you I’ll get better. I’m going to love you every single moment of every single day, Olivia, and nothing you do will ever make me stop loving you.”

Serena heard the sound of her sliding glass door opening. “Sweetheart, come inside,” her mom told her. “It’s getting cold out there for my grandbaby. Don’t you think you should put her in her crib now?”

“I was hoping I could sleep with her,” Serena responded as she gently rocked Olivia. “I’m not ready to let go.”

“My big baby,” Mrs. Benson shook her head. “I love how excited you are to spend time with Olivia, but it’s not safe for a newborn to sleep in a bed. She needs to be in her crib. Trust me, you won’t go long without holding her. Newborns don’t sleep through the night. She’ll wake up in around two hours and want you to feed her. Do you remember everything the lactation consultant told you? Or do you need me to help you? If you need me, just call, okay?”

It was supposed to be one of the most natural things a mother can do, but Serena still worried about Olivia not drinking enough of her milk, or too much, or not latching on properly. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll call you if I need help with anything.”

“You’re not ready to let go of her, are you?”

“I’ll never be ready to let go of her.”

“Come in,” Mrs. Benson insisted. “I promised I’d never tell another mom how to raise her child, but you’re my baby and she’s my grandbaby, so I’ll let you hold her longer but only if you come inside.”

There were three generations of Benson women on Serena’s bed, Serena and her mom sitting up, leaning against the headboard, and baby Olivia resting her head on her mommy’s chest. “Mom, what do you think she’ll be like when she gets older?”

Mrs. Benson put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Let’s see. She’s being raised by you so she’ll be stubborn for sure, but she’ll also be kind, intelligent, and brave just like you.”

Ten minutes of holding Olivia turned into half an hour and eventually an hour until Mrs. Benson broke down and decided to make a baby nest so Serena could safely cuddle her daughter in bed. Serena didn't get more than a couple of hours of sleep that night, partly because Olivia kept waking her up, but mostly because she just wanted to admire her. There were so many mixed emotions for Serena. Her baby may have been conceived in an act of violence, but Olivia was so innocent. “You have nothing to do with him,” she said as she placed delicate kisses on her baby’s forehead. “I know I have a long road ahead of me and my healing can’t be dependent on you. It wouldn’t be fair to you, but just know that you’ve already helped me in so many ways and I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 1 "Pilot" & Ep 2 "Hell Week"(Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

Something really bad happened.

Did you just get your period all over yourself?

This isn't my blood.

Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?

I'm sure I can walk if I can just get some Gatorade.

I don't care if you can walk.

How are we supposed to get you to the front door without everyone seeing you all gross and postpartum?

No one wants to see that at a party.

This is super embarrassing.

I didn't even know I was pregnant.

You guys, they're playing "Waterfalls."

Is that a baby? Amazing.

I am not missing "Waterfalls" for this. "Waterfalls" is my jam.

Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down.

How do you know she's dead?

These are my minions. I don't know their names. I don't want to know their names.

I have a colonic at 10

Life is a class system.

Oh, still a lot of puke to scrub.

Yeah, you have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear.

I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt?

I hate sororities, and I hate you.

First of all, I'm not a lesbian.

You see, out in the real world, people just don't talk that way to other people. It's not normal.

Well, that sure sounds suspicious.

No one forced that goat to get as drunk as it got.

Historically, short people are sneaky backstabbers, like Napoleon or Paul Shaffer.

I could actually handle that you're built like a Thai ladyboy, but what I can't stand is that you think you're my heir apparent.

Don't you want me to spray-tan you?

I would honestly rather not have you around.

The police still can't figure out who filled that tank with hydrochloric acid.

It's good enough for me, and the D.A., who, last I heard, considers the case closed.

What is that skirt?

Your organization might want to find a lawyer.

I'm a pretty smart cookie.

I would not get personal with me, sweetheart.

I don't fight fair.

I am sentimental.

Look, girls are vicious, okay?

I don't have any of my own memories.

Just like we planned. Three-second silent hug, and then you leave.

Ooh, somebody call CSI, because there was a murder scene in that bathroom.

Someone puked in the sink and I'm pretty sure I saw an actual ringworm climbing up the wall. I'm not afraid of anything, but that bathroom scared the crap out of me.

This is gonna be a year of infinite possibilities.

Hold this. It's too heavy.

You didn't knock!

Look at them. They're the dregs of society.

Each one of these gashes is worse than the next.

She smells like hot dog water, and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.

Look, I'm not saying that all heterosexual sex is rape. I'm saying all heterosexual sex is gross, and that deep down, every woman knows this.

All that girl's after is a whole lot of bikini burger.

Hey, girl, can I just ask you, what's up with your outfit?

God knows what they're talking about, basic bitches.

What fresh hell is this?

I need you to stay popular, 'cause if you want to stay at the top of the list of the pieces of ass I'm getting, there's criteria. And the criteria is you got to be popular.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, because I'm getting really pissed off.

Stop fake crying.

Anyone you dated would be popular. I mean, they would be popular because they're dating you.

My ego, it's super strong, ok, but it's not strong enough that I can just go around dating garbage people.

Like, yes, I could find a random girl who wasn't popular, and, yes, if I started dating her she would then become popular.

But you said you loved me.

I do sort of love you.

I would love you a lot more if other people loved you, too.

Okay, I need you to leave because you're bumming me out

We're just trying to have a nice day hitting golf balls at hippies.

Pretty girls, like you and me.

That's why I'm gonna burn your face off.

Ugh! You burned the milk!

Next time, I get you fired, or worse.

Actually, I just want a regular coffee. Those white girl pumpkin spice lattes annoy me.

I like to think of myself, uh, as an investigative reporter.

I had to get a restraining order.

I tend to get a bit passionate about things.

Look, you intentionally led me on.

You kept acting like you liked me just so you could humiliate me.

Enter, ye who dare.

I love a creepy collage.

It's about kicking the living crap out of someone when they disrespect you.

I was just in your room, where I noticed you have a sizeable shrine with evil burning candles, photos of me with my face scratched out and pairs of my stolen panties.

How about I just drown you in it?

Well, of course she's dead! You just burned her face off!

You don't die from getting your face burned off.

There's a dead woman in your kitchen.

I'm going to the authorities.

That's not how I saw it. And my witnesses agree.

You're an awful person.

Who wants cocktails?

How did my life turn into this?

Have you seen the way girls dress on this campus?

I'm sitting in the same office I used to throw bricks into.

You're awful in bed. Are you aware?

I'm gonna take a pair of your panties.

I'm gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.

Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues.

You loaded a dead body into a freezer.

What are you proposing?

I want to help you with your exposé, secretly feed you info.

You need eyes on the inside.

I don't know what to do with the body.

Are you saying dead bodies don't turn you on?

You are so lame, you know that?

God, I love all that death stuff.

Show me the body.

Show me the dead body.

This blood oath will ensure solidarity among us. We are all related now.

I just Googled "blood oath" and this is what came up.

What does this oath even mean?

I just need you all to not say anything about what happened, and I figured a blood oath was cheaper than buying you all presents.

Wait, what about STDs?

Idiot, you don't get STDs from blood oaths.

You get STDs from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico.

Um, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease," which means that it's transmitted sexually.

When were you in Mexico?

You know what, forget the blood oath.

I can't stay silent!

I'm calling my mom, and I'm going home.

Okay, Pissy Spacek, you and I have a few differences we need to iron out.

I want you to be one of my minions.

It's the gateway to the top of the heap.

You put on a good front, but you're miserable.

Don't you think any of that has anything to do with the fact that you've created an atmosphere based solely on negativity and raw ambition?

Can we talk for real for a second, please?

I mean, you're so confident without being mean. What antidepressants are you on?

Don't you see that all that's happened isn't a crisis? It's an opportunity.

Yeah, no, I tried. See, I really tried. But all of this flowery, peace-on-Earth crap, it makes me want to puke.

You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of!

Totally spit in your coffee, bitch.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I'm enjoying this.

Is that killer noises or am I hallucinating?

I'm gonna ask one more time, will you speak up?

What can you tell us about the murder?

There's an exodus right now.

The risks are real, but we need to close ranks.

I don't feel comfortable with a man protecting me. It's representative of the patriarchal, post-colonial culture that encourages violence against women.

We buy a pig and feed it the body. Pigs will eat anything.

Don't go skating on those poop lagoons, because if you fall in, you'll drown in the poop and come springtime, there'll be nothing left of your body.

Here's what you should do. Pulverize her teeth, burn off her fingerprints, and disfigure her face. Once her body is unrecognizable, we can create an incision on her inner thigh and drain out all of her bodily fluids. That'll give us more time to deconstruct the body.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot of work. You need a really good food processor, and you run the risk of fouling the plumbing, which is why you should only do it if you know how to clear out meat and bones from a drain pipe.

I'm willing to help in any way possible.

You're obviously a psychopath and those ideas are insane!

Why are you trying to terrify us?

Can I call you Mom?

I feel so loved and protected by all of you.

Actually, it's a new pop culture trend where young women desperately in need of role models call other girls they look up to Mom.

I thought you'd be cool with it.

I mean, I did just give you several ways to dispose of a body.

Okay, fine. Just stop talking.

You are so friggin' creepy!

Someone just mowed off a deaf girl's head in our backyard.

I mean, as you can see, I'm not licensed to carry a sidearm.

Wait, so you don't have a gun?

I have pepper spray. And I have a walkie talkie that I can use to call the police, who do have guns.

What good are you?

Get the hell out of there. Run away, real fast.

Now, I would give you my number, but my cell phone is off right now.

If you want the place clean, maybe you shouldn't have burned the maid's face off.

Don't you wonder what's in there?

People have been whispering about that house for years, that it's haunted, that something really bad happened. I mean, there's no way there isn't some real-life story behind it, right?

I'm gonna have to break in.

I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna get killed in the 30 minutes we make out, right?

Can you stop talking?

You're kind of ruining whatever was good about it.

Please try to understand the situation I'm in.

I don't give a rat's ass about your job.

You know, I find good parenting incredibly attractive.

You're a snoopy little bugger.

Whose bloody clothes are those?

Supposedly, it was a super fun party.

We're all gonna pay for this.

I think it's all crap. Just a myth.

What happened to the baby?

Sometimes I picture myself like Derek Jeter, you know?

I'm gonna choke you out.

There's a serial killer on the loose.

Please don't say you want to choke me.

I'd love having sex with your corpse.

I'm sorry. This isn't working for me.

Well, I sort of am your boyfriend, and I'm protecting you by having sex with you.

No! I don't need a man to protect me.

How could I have wasted this much time?

Is my self-esteem really that low?

I'm sorry. I think we need to take a break.

I need you to leave right now!

You know, it would really help me feel better if I could just crawl into bed with you for a few minutes.

Are you gonna touch my wiener, or you gonna leave my wiener alone?

I'll leave your wiener alone.

Where are your hands?

He has a huge boner!

Why don't you go in there and ogle his big old boner?

Okay, uh, first of all, I'm not gonna go ogle his big old boner, because I'm not gay.

Look, I'm sorry everybody wants to have sex with me. Okay? I can't help that.

I'm hot. Everybody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals in the zoo, plants, probably.

You're gonna have to go right now, 'cause I am breaking up with you.

Excuse me, I broke up with you!

I regretted what I said, and I just wanted to come here and tell you that I am so sorry.

Well, I accept your apology. And now I'm breaking up with you.

Do you know why I'm breaking up with you?

You can't deal with how hot I am.

Sorry, I just broke up with you.

Can you please put some clothes on?

Um, they said, uh, I shouldn't be alone, you know, in case I fall asleep and die.

Can I just get you a robe or something though?

So you're saying I'm the killer?

Okay, this isn't about me thinking you're boyfriend material.

God, I was so gonna go to third base with you tonight, too.

What if we stapled their earlobes?

Private like the parts on a man you like putting in your mouth?

I want to publicly come out as gay on my own.

I mean, you guys have to accept everybody, right?

I actually think that's illegal.

I will come after you, do you understand that? I will destroy you.

I trust you'll consider my offer.

Name one bad thing that ever happened at a Best Buy parking lot.

You're just, like, super attractive.

Um, well, I was trying to be inconspicuous.

It's better than losing your life.

I have a thing for playlists.

Someone's got a poo belly.

Sweet Yeezus, I don't even know where to begin with you.

Bitch, I'm about to smack you so hard, your tampon's gonna pop out.

I heard screaming.

So you think the serial killer is still up there?

Upstairs to get the killer before he gets away!

You just said that you think the killer is up there, and that's where you want to go?

This is freakin' terrifying!

The killer is in the house! You hear me?

I need my damn inhaler.

What, am I supposed to be scared?

Don't even come out. We plan on getting drunk, and I don't want your bad attitude ruining it.

We're headed down to White Stallion to pick up some sluts, baby!

Yes, okay, I burned her slightly, but stop saying that I killed her.

That was a tragic accident.

I am a kind and devoted and loving friend to all.

I'm not some crazed psychopath.

Maybe you're the killer.

I will not be put on trial.

The truth is we don't know who the killer is, and, yes, I suppose it could be someone in this room.

You want to go first?

I banged, like, 50 chicks.

What took you so long?

[fantastic-rambles]

The Skylark’s Song [1 /4]

Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

Characters: Hibari Kyoya, Hibari Kyoya’s parents, Unnamed Gang

Warnings: Violence, Gang, Implied Rape, Attempted Murder, Murder, Police Corruption, Gaslighting

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: My personal headcanons of the (pre-canon) experiences that made Hibari into the man that he is today. Part One: why he has such a strong hatred of crowds and the beginning of his commitment to discipline.

(The other parts won't be this dark. I think.)

It had been a day like any other.

On a warm spring afternoon, they'd gone out together as a family to his school festival, nine-year-old Kyoya running from attraction to attraction, his parents following at a more stately pace but always keeping him in sight.

"Mom! Dad! Here, here!" he called out, practically bouncing with excitement in front of his classroom. Laughing, they caught up to him, following him into the room as he tugged at their hands.

The walls were covered with the students' essays, and Kyoya paused by his, his chest puffed out with pride. Indulgently, they bent over slightly to read what he had written in his neat but still childish hand.

My Dreams

When I grow up, I want to be a great person like my dad. Dad is a hero, fighting the bad guys who are making people sad. He's like a policeman or fireman, except he's even cooler than that! Dad and Mom both love Namimori and want to make this town into a happy place for everyone, and I want to help them. They also love me very much, and I love them, too.

He beamed up at them as his mother knelt to hug and kiss him while his father ruffled his hair. Their pride practically emanated off them in waves, and Kyoya was the happiest that he could ever remember. After the festival, they'd gone to his favorite family restaurant, where he ordered a hamburger steak, still chattering away happily about school: how he was the top student in his year, how his teachers praised him for his work, what he was learning in class now... His parents had been smiling throughout his monologue, sometimes asking questions to encourage him to keep speaking.

But the day had to come to an end eventually, and the setting sun found them walking back to their house, Kyoya hanging onto his parents' hands and occasionally just completely lifting his feet off the ground so that he could swing between them, making all three of them laugh. By the time they arrived home, he was completely exhausted from running around all day, barely able to change into his pajamas and brush his teeth before he fell into his futon. The last thing he remembered before sleep claimed him was his mother sitting beside him, softly humming a lullaby.

It was completely dark when a loud crash woke him. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily, he called out, "Mom? Dad?"

But there was no answer, though he could faintly hear voices elsewhere in the house. Still only half-awake, he followed the sounds to the brightly lit living room, freezing in the doorway as the sight unfolded before him.

Men he didn't know were standing all around the room. His father knelt in the middle, his face battered and dripping blood onto the floor from a broken nose, while his mother sobbed quietly in a corner, held back by two men. A couple of the other men had wooden baseball bats... and guns. Kyoya started to shake as he recognized the weapons he'd only ever seen on TV before. Too scared to step into the room but too afraid to run away, he was frozen in place, at least until one of the men standing by the doorway looked down and saw him.

"Well, what's this?"

As he bent down, his movement caught the eye of Kyoya's mother, and he saw stark terror spread across her face as she recognized her son.

"KYOYA! RUN!" she shrieked. As if a spell had been broken, Kyoya turned and obeyed, his bare feet pattering on the smooth wooden floors as he blindly sought an escape. Suddenly, his familiar home was filled with strange shadows that jumped out of him, making him flinch in the dark corridors, all too aware of his pursuer behind him with steps like thunder. He'd just shoved open the sliding door that led to the garden when the man caught up, seizing him around the waist and swinging him onto his hip with ease.

"No! Stop! Let me go!" Kyoya yelled, pounding against his captor's back with his small fists. The man didn't even try to silence him--they lived too far away from anyone else for the commotion to be noticed--and returned the way they had come, eventually dumping the child in front of his mother. She grabbed him immediately, curling herself around him protectively and pressing his face to her chest as he squirmed, trying to turn around and see what was happening.

"Come on, you don't want to do this in front of your wife and kid, right?" a voice asked, harshly mocking. "Just give us the data and we'll leave, no harm done. It's not like we like doing this either, you know."

A few of the other men chuckled, covering up his father's quiet response, and Kyoya felt his mother cringe just before there was a dull, wet, thumping sound that was repeated several times. It sounded just like when they smashed watermelons on the beach.

"Change your mind yet?" the voice asked, sounding slightly winded. The only response was a groan and panting, and the voice sharpened. "Hey, bring me the kid."

"No!" Kyoya was pressed even harder against his mother's chest, half-smothering him, as hands reached out to grab him, trying to pull him away. Now he began to cry as his limbs were pulled roughly, twisted behind his back or jerked as if they were trying to rip him apart, but his mother still clung to him.

"Take me instead! Please! Leave him alone!" she begged above his wailing.

The voice clicked his tongue, then replied, "Fine, whatever. Shut the kid up."

Her hands ran through his hair, and she pressed a kiss to his forehead, murmuring quietly, desperately. "It'll be okay, Kyoya. Be quiet, shhh, shhh, shh. It'll be okay."

"Hurry it up," the voice snapped, and they were suddenly wrenched apart, the absence of his mother making Kyoya start crying again, until one of the men casually backhanded him in the face, the sudden pain shocking him into silence as the taste of blood filled his mouth. He subsided into small whimpers, his hand pressed against his burning cheek, as he watched his mother forced to her knees next to his father. The man who seemed to be the leader of the gang tossed aside his bat and reached into his pocket, pulling out a switchblade that he flicked open before crouching down in front of Kyoya's parents.

"You've got such a pretty wife, Hi-ba-ri-san," he taunted, resting the blade against her face. "It would be a real pity if something happened to her, wouldn't it? Looks are everything to a woman, after all. Do you think you'd still love her if she was all scarred, without her nose and ears? Would she still love you, for letting it happen to her?"

"You'll kill us anyways, after you get what you want," Kyoya's mother spat. "Just get it over with. We won't tell you anything."

She flinched as the man dragged the weapon down the side of her face, leaving a thin red gash across her cheek, but she continued to stare at him defiantly. The man snorted, getting to his feet.

"Brave woman. But let's see how long that lasts. Hold her down." He began to unbuckle his belt, his comrades grinning as they dragged the woman down, piling on to stop both Kyoya's mother and father from struggling. Kyoya didn't understand what was happening, but he saw the look on his mother's face, and he ran between her and the man, spreading his arms wide to protect her.

"Stop bullying Mommy!" he screamed, tears and snot running down his face as he shook like a leaf. The man's face twisted into an expression of disgust and annoyance.

"Someone take care of this brat," he ordered, and another man stepped forward, hefting his bat in his hand.

"You got it, boss." Like a cleanup hitter getting ready to smack a home run, he drew back and swung, the sharp crack drowned out by the shrill screams of Kyoya's mother and the hoarse cries of his father. Kyoya collapsed, and the last thing he remembered was the feeling of a foot in this stomach, kicking him out of the way.

He awoke with a splitting headache to a room full of people and bolted upright, screaming, "MOMMY! DADDY!" Startled, somber faces turned to look at him, and a woman in a police uniform walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him soothingly as he kept screaming for his parents. Bright sunlight was falling into the room as other men and women walked around, taking pictures and putting things into labeled plastic bags. The policewoman cradled his head, then drew away in shock, her hand tacky with blood.

"We need paramedics!" she called out, carefully lifting the boy into her arms and heading toward the door. Draped over her shoulder, Kyoya continued to scream, his eyes fixed on two lumps in the middle of the room, covered with white sheets.

A week later, Kyoya stood in the Namimori graveyard, watching as two caskets were lowered into the ground. His head was still wrapped in bandages from the surgery to repair his fractured skull, the doctors having proclaimed it a miracle that he'd even survived. The young boy's eyes were dry as he stared at the marble headstone, dressed somberly in black and surrounded by adults.

Shock, they whispered when they thought he couldn't hear them, shaking their heads sympathetically. Poor boy. Who could have ever imagined it? They had seemed like such a perfect family. But everyone has their skeletons.

The case had been wrapped up quickly: a murder-suicide. Kyoya's mother had found out about his father's affair, and in the midst of a passionate argument, he'd killed her. Consumed with regret, he'd then attempted to kill his son before taking his own life. The boy's story was nothing more than the result of head trauma and a completely understandable psychological refusal to accept the truth. So he'd invented a wild tale of home intruders, blaming nonexistent ghosts for the crime while repressing his memories. The officers in charge of the investigation hadn't even bothered to write down his account, sitting patiently with him for hours in the hospital as they tried to explain what had happened to him.

But he knew. His parents had been slaughtered by that pack of animals: weak, undisciplined cowards too afraid to do anything alone. And they'd had enough influence to cover up the crime, so that the only thing that was published was a short obituary listing his parents' names and ages, and the fact that they had been survived by their child.

Heroes didn't exist. But that didn't mean that he couldn't get revenge.

[Part 2]

[battlestar-royco]

here is part 2 of my sci fi recs masterlist! again, i could’ve gone on with even more recs but i decided to draw the line here. this set for the most part errs on the darker side, thematically, visually, conceptually etc. i personally find it super thought-provoking and intriguing but that’s just me. i highly recommend reading the tw under the cut if you’re thinking of watching, especially the matrix and space gothic slides. please view at your discretion <3

part 1/2

If you like WLW (um idk why I only made this slide based on identity; it just kinda happened lmao but I think it works):

Siren: (tw: parent loss, grief, thalassophobia) a mermaid surfaces in a cove town looking for her lost sister. Polyamorous relationship between a man, a black/indigenous woman, and the mermaid!!!! Environmentalism! As a person who has thalassophobia, I didn’t find this too hard to watch. There aren’t that many underwater scenes, thankfully.

Black Mirror: San Junipero: (tw: grief, but otherwise none that I recall; it’s pretty lighthearted) two women meet in a beach resort in the 80s and fall in love. Interracial wlw!

Orphan Black: (tw: suicide, infertility, rape implication, VB, language, drug use) a woman realizes she is one of several clones and uncovers an elaborate corporate conspiracy. This is one of my personal favorites with great rep of complex women of all ages and bodily autonomy. Several central queer characters and a black male secondary character!

Starfish: (tw: grief, a few jump scares and brief monstrous imagery, blood) after the death of her best friend, a young woman breaks into the deceased’s apartment and discovers a chain of music tapes that could save the world. Weird, subtle, and experimental. Not to sound like a surfer but you kinda have to allow yourself to be in the vibe. The main character and her friend were definitely a thing imo.

Annihilation: (tw: body horror, VB, disturbing imagery) a team of women scientists explore an anomaly that rapidly mutates genes. There are canonical and coded wlw and multiple (light-skinned) POC in this but the rep is short-lived. I put it on because although it should’ve been more ambitious with the casting, I think it breaks *some* ground for Hollywood sci fi with the all-woman team and more than one WOC. Wack ending though.

Mad Max: Fury Road: (tw: rape implication, violence) I think everyone knows about this one but: in the apocalypse, a woman breaks 4 younger women out of a harem. A badass car chase across the desert ensues. A bit light on plot/worldbuilding, but sooooo cool-looking and very thematic!!!!

If you liked STRANGER THINGS:

It: (tw: VB) don’t actually watch this lmao I’m serious. It’s really stupid, and not in a funny way. But I do think Stranger Things was inspired by this story overall. The modern It films are better but they’re also really kjslsklskls stupid? Stephen King in general is obsolete imo.

The Thing: (tw: VB) an alien that can take the form of others wreaks havoc on a scientific facility in Antarctica. It’s dark and vibey, but I feel like it’s just Alien in Antarctica with truly terrible special effects tbh?? Others feel differently. It’s also classified as sci fi/horror, so stay away if you’re easily scared! Not too good on representation.

Super 8: (tw: some language) a group of preteens witnesses an alien-caused train crash as they’re filming a home movie. Not diverse but I definitely think it inspired a lot of sci fi for the 2010s, ESPECIALLY Stranger Things. Not too scary either!

ET: (tw: it’s been a really long time since I watched so I don’t remember but it’s rated PG) I think everyone knows what this is about!

Alien: (tw: VB) truckers in space discover a deadly evolving alien. One of my favorite movies of all time! I love the aesthetic and the mood and worldbuilding so much. Ellen Ripley is one of the first Final Girls in the horror genre. I personally found this more of a sci fi than a horror movie but I’d say stay away if you’re nervous!!

Terminator: (tw: VB) a deadly android is sent to kill a woman who’s destined to birth the man who saves the world. Terminator 2 is way better imo because it centers on Sarah rather than the dudes saving her and trying to kill her. But it’s still worth a watch, you know, for the culture.

If you liked CONTAGION:

War of the Worlds: (tw: blood) pretty straightforward aliens come to Earth to take over. Sorry to rec another T*m Cruise movie but I really like the alien design and the apocalypsey feel of this one. Baby Dakota Fanning is in it too!

Falling Skies: (tw: VB, body horror, rape) alien invasion yada yada but the alien lore gets more interesting as it goes on. It’s kind of cheesy and yeah maybe I did discover it by looking up the iCarly boyfriend (and what about it??) but it’s nice to have on in the downtime. An Asian woman co-stars.

Knowing: (tw: blood) school students unearth a time capsule that contains a sheet from a girl who predicted all the tragic world events between 1959-2009. This is NOT a good movie but it’s SO hilarious to me because of the acting and contrivances. Fun to group-watch!!!!

10 Cloverfield Lane: (tw: VB, emotional abuse) a woman wakes up in a bunker to a captor who tells her that the world has fallen to alien apocalypse. I think this movie elevates the original Cloverfield in pretty much every way. Again, super tense and moody. The conflict revolves around whether or not the captor is being truthful.

Train to Busan: (tw: extreme VB and disturbing imagery) a man and his daughter are on a train when a zombie hops on at the last minute. It’s Korean with an all-Asian cast; Choi Woo-shik co-stars. I definitely wouldn’t watch if you’re scared of blood and gore. It’s very gross and violent.

12 Monkeys: (tw: ableism, violence) a man from the 2030s is sent back to the 1990s to prevent the plague that will end the world. I think the aesthetics of this are really cool but otherwise it’s not a favorite. But I think it appeals to people who like apocalypse and time travel stuff!

If you liked THE MATRIX:

Strange Days: (tw: rape, sex, nudity, VB, racism, police brutality) memories can be saved to hard-drives and sold on the black market for exorbitant prices. Very problematic and triggering presentation of rape, but young Angela Basset stars and there’s a condemnation of police brutality that’s still relevant 20+ years after its release.

Upgrade: (tw: ableism, VB, fridging) a disabled man installs an AI in his spine to help him move and investigate the murder of his wife. The premise is glaringly ableist and I feel weird even recommending it tbh but it’s got great visuals and a few good twists.

Altered Carbon: (tw: VB, weird interracial body switching, uhhh I haven’t finished this one IDK) in a society where human bodies are interchangeable, a man wakes up in a new body after 300 years of his mind being dormant. A Latina woman co-stars, two Asian characters in a subplot, a few other POC here and there as well. I think season 2 stars a black man.

eXistenZ: (tw: VB, anti-Asian racism, general weirdness? IDK it’s hard to describe. There are guns made out of bones and weirdly sexual visuals.) after someone tries to assassinate her, a video game designer and her bodyguard must play through her virtual reality game in order to save the only copy of the game.

Minority Report: (tw: VB, eye removal/insertion) all crimes are predicted and criminals reported before they are committed. The main character is preemptively accused of murder. This one is really white but it was one of the first movies that got me into sci fi. Early 2000s Colin Farrell <3.

If you liked WESTWORLD:

Humans: (tw: uncanny valley, objectification) androids are household helpers and public assistants throughout Britain until one day they start developing consciences. It hits a lot of the themes of Westworld without all the unnecessary pretentiousness, “edginess,” and “grittiness,” and it stars Gemma Chan and Colin Morgan!!

Blade Runner 2049: (^) an android is ordered to find and kill a human/android hybrid. It’s not without its issues but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, right up there with Alien. So beautiful, so thematic, so thought-provoking (to me, anyway. I know a lot of people thought it was way too slow).

Ex Machina: (^) a man is invited to a private estate to help test the intelligence of an android. It’s kind of predictable imo but you know Oscar Isaac and Sonoya Mizuno are in it so we have to stan, and so is Domhnall Gleeson, for the SW fans! I like how isolated and quiet it feels.

I Am Mother: (tw: blood, gaslighting) after an extinction event, a young woman is raised by a lone android in a human repopulation facility until one day a woman knocks. It starts off slow and a bit generic, but I’m obsessed with the 2nd and 3rd acts of this movie---good acting, dialogue, and fantastic visuals. It has that same isolated feel as Ex Machina with only three characters, all of which are women/woman-coded!!!

If you liked ALIEN (space gothic):

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2008 reboot): (tw: genocide, war, colonization, VB, uncanny valley, rape, infidelity) space opera that follows humanity as it fights the ever-evolving and powerful enemy of their own creation: androids named Cylons. Um? I  L O V E  THIS SHOW SO MUCH and I truly do think it’s everything sci fi should be. There is a really unfortunate Miss Saigon-esque romance plot in season 1 and a lazily-written love triangle involving a black woman in season 3, but otherwise it’s one of my all-time favorites and I highly recommend. It’ll spin your mind and tug your heartstrings for years.

Black Mirror: Men Against Fire: (tw: genocide, war, nudity) soldiers in the near future protect citizens from mutant zombies, but one soldier starts experiencing strange hallucinations in the field. This is such an underrated Black Mirror episode starring a black man. There’s brief objectification of a black woman but it’s very anti-military and it has an interesting sterile aesthetic that reminds me of Alien.

High Life: (tw: rape, black holes/space anxiety, very disturbing) prisoners are given the option to join a space expedition and serve as experimental subjects en route to a black hole. Please please stay away if you are triggered by sexual violence of any kind. There’s almost no physical violence in this movie but it’s psychologically haunting imo.

The Faculty: (tw; VB, drug use) high schoolers discover their teachers are being possessed by an invading alien race. I LOVE THIS MOVIE LMFAOOOO. The cast is SO wild---Elijah Wood, John Oliver, Usher, Salma Hayek, Josh Hartnett??? And I’m probably forgetting more. The combination of the cast, the terrible dialogue, and shitty special effects is PEAK comedy imo. But bear in mind it’s bloody!!

Prometheus: (tw: body horror, VB, uncanny valley) a crew of scientists heads on a deep space mission to find the aliens who created the human race. A prequel to Alien, but I kind of view it as its own thing. Despite the plot holes, I love this movie too! It was one of my sci fi gateways and the visuals are stunning. It’s pretty gory though so if that’s not your thing stay away.

Life: (tw: extreme VB) a lesser Alien, but it provides all the space gothic tropes (jokey crew, shots of space, really pretty spaceship, everyone dies, creepy alien) with a well-known cast---Gyllenhaal, Reynolds, etc.

The X Files: (tw: a few episodes contain 90s racism, sexism, queerphobia etc but you can skip them) a lot of people have watched this so I barely have to explain, but it’s one of my favorites. Two FBI agents investigate multiple aliens and get involved in government conspiracies along the way. A good gateway!

A Quiet Place: (tw: child loss, VB, tension) I think most people know what this is about too. Alien apocalypse with aliens that hunt by sound. The daughter in the family is deaf, and so is the actress who portrays her. The representation of deafness was critically acclaimed.

[boldlyvoid]

Sugar, Honey, Ice Tea | Chapter 5-9

1Summary: Fix-it-fic: Dr. Y/L/N and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prison, Prison Violence, Assault, Blood, Depression, Murder, Self-Hatred, Hurt Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Drug Use, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Forbidden Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Requited Love, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

Word Count: 14.3K

1-4, 5-9, Epilogue

Chapter 5

Spencer agreed to a Thursday night game night in her office sometime last week, and she’s spent every day since then planning it out for him.

Learning that he really loved Tandoori chicken, making it from scratch at home and packaging it into a couple containers to bring into work. She followed a recipe from Pinterest, hoping it bared any resemblance to what he was used to, only changing full chicken to boneless bite size cutlets, because he couldn’t use a knife in the prison.

She got a chess set at the store, as well as a deck of playing cards for the Vegas boy. Rushing out her door early Thursday morning so she could stop and get a coffee and one of his favourite doughnuts too.

Deciding that she wasn’t going to tell him how she felt any time soon, just wanting to show him friendship and support until he was finally out of prison. Vowing to uphold her oath, he was a patient in her care, she would care for him as such until he wasn’t.

She carefully placed her lunchbox and the chess set on the security desk, letting them look through it as she waited. Taking out all the food from her bag, looking through the plastic to ensure she wasn’t sneaking in anything.

“It’s just my lunch for the next 2 days, I promise,” she smiled.

“I know, but I have to look anyway,” the nice man smiled. “Have a good day today Dr. Pat.”

“Thank’s, you too, officer Kyle,” she smiled, picking her things back up and heading past the gates.

Spencer was turning the corner towards the infirmary as she walked towards the door. Officer Wilkins holding him in handcuffs as he roughly walked Spencer to her office.

“Hey, hey, hey,” she stopped, looking at Wilkins like he was an idiot. “Un-cuff inmate Reid, he’s not a threat. Plus, he can hold some things for me.”

“Whatever,” he huffed, roughly taking the cuffs off Spencer's wrists before leaving. Not saying another word.

“What a dick,” she mumbled as she handed him the lunchbox.

“Good morning Spencer,” she changed her tone to match her growing smile.

He sighed, smiling back as he rubbed his wrists. “Good morning to you too, Y/N.”

She opened the infirmary door, walking past all the sleeping men in the care area. Unlocking her office before inviting Spencer in. “Sorry I was almost late,” she said softly, taking the chess set and a brown paper bag out of her purse.

She set it on Spencer's desk along with the coffee that was in her hand, “for all your help this week,” she smiled.

Spencer placed her lunchbox in her fridge, laying a hand on her back as he walked past her towards his desk. “You’re too kind to me,” he was bashful as always.

“I have something I wanted to talk to you about,” she closed the door softly, making sure the blinds on the doors window were closed as well.

“That doesn’t sound good,” he tried to joke as he sat down.

“I asked to help with your case, maybe give a fresh opinion, so Penelope sent me all the files but I haven’t opened them yet,” she sat on the edge of her desk. Trying to read his body language as he took out his donut.

He liked the pink frosting off his finger, nodding as he followed along. “Why not?”

“I wanted your permission,” she pressed her lips together in an awkward smiled. His eyes raising to meet hers, innocent as ever.

“Oh?”

“You’re very reserved, you have rules about what you share, I don’t want to break the trust we’ve built by looking into something so intimate,” she explained her thoughts. “It’s not fair for me to learn about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, without you being the one to tell me.”

“What do you know already?” He asked softly, blinking at her as he patiently waited.

She smiled at him softly, grateful that he understood. “I know the 3 charges that you’re in on, and that you’re being framed.”

“I think I would prefer it if you read the file and just asked me questions. I don’t think I have the mental capacity to recite it all back to you today,” he was honest. Taking a sip of his coffee and looking away from her.

Giving up so much of himself to her so early in the day, she felt like he was finally comfortable with her.

She found the key to his thoughts and it opened just right, she could see the hurt that flowed through him, but she could also see the happiness. The side of him that he was afraid to bring out, in fear it would get him in more trouble.

“Okay,” she agreed. Sitting at her desk and finally opening the email form Penelope.

She read through his tox-screens, his drug history, his mental state. His first-hand accounts, witness statements, clues and findings his team had made. It all felt like the plot to a bad movie about revenge, possibly even female rage. But for what?

“I finished reading,” she said softly, brows furrowed as she chews the inside of her cheek. “Do you know anyone other than this Mr. Scratch guy who you’ve put away, wronged, lead on, or just pissed off?”

“Why?” He asked, clearly attached to the idea this was all Mr. Scratch’s doing.

“It feels like revenge, but very well planed. Like a women is mad at you so she found your weakness, I’ve done mean shit to exes in the past but this is insane. They knew you’d do anything for your mom, they knew your drug history, and the fact you might get schizophrenia one day, they wanted to drug you and make you think you did all this.”

Spencer stood then, listening to her words as he scrunched his face. Thinking as hard as he could, “can you call Penelope?”

“Yeah,” she nodded as she dialled her number, putting her on speaker phone.

“Well hello there, Love Doctor,” Penelope teased as she answered.

“Um hi, Spencer wanted to talk to you,” she panicked.

“Oh, sorry, how are you Spencer?”

Spencer looked so confused, “I’m good… Y/N and I were looking at the case files you sent-”

“Good, did you find anything?” Penelope cut in, eager to talk to him.

“Have you looked into everyone I’ve ever encountered on a case? Specifically women?” Spencer asked. “I told my lawyer and Emily that I remember a woman being there and helping, she must know me from a case too, like the other prison escapees he’s helped?”

“On it pretty boy, any specifics about her that you remember?” Penelope asked over the sound of her keyboard clicking away.

“Long brown hair, but it’s probably different now,” he added. “Everything else is dark, I didn’t see her face or any other features.”

“Alright, call me anytime Spence, I miss you,” Penelope said softly, changing her tone to a more sensitive one. “Take care of each other, my loves.”

“Love you,” they say at the same time. Looking at each other awkwardly after she hung up, leaving them to sit with their words alone.

Spencer was leaning so close to her she could feel his body heat radiating off him. Spencer placed his hand on her shoulder as he stood straight, towering over her as she looked up at him.

“I have patients to talk to, but I brought chess for you to teach me later,” she smiled up at him.

“Can’t wait,” he beamed a smile back.

She felt his hand rub the back of her blue scrubs lightly, pulling away as he walked back around to his desk. She watched him with careful eyes, wishing he would have stayed longer.

—

Normally at 4:30, Y/N would bring Spencer a tray of whatever the kitchen was serving her patients for dinner that night. Tonight, however, she walked into her office at 5 pm on the dot, closing the clinic for the night and putting all her attention on Spencer.

“So,” she smiled as she leaned against her office door, excitement radiating out of her. “A little birdie told me that you really like Indian food, Tandoori chicken to be exact…”

“No way?” He gasped as he turned around in his chair.

She nodded with a cheeky grin, “homemade so I could sneak it in.”

She took her lunch box out of her mini-fridge, opening it up to show him the 2 Tupperware containers. One for him, the other for her. She took the lids off and dished it onto 2 plates she keeps in the cabinet above the fridge.

Spencer grew more and more excited as she warmed it up, filling the room with a familiar smell. He was so happy, “I don’t know how to thank you for everything you do for me?”

“Come here,” she said softly, watching him walk towards her carefully.

She wrapped her arms around his middle, holding him in a hug. He carefully placed his hands on her back, holding her against his chest as he snuggled his cheek into her hair again.

“I’ll take hugs as payment from now on,” she pulled back from him as the microwaved beeped.

Taking a plastic spoon from the cutlery jar, she opened the microwave and handed him a plate. “Did you want to stay in here or go to the break room? I never use it cause I don’t have any co-workers, but it has a couch and a coffee table?”

“Okay,” he smiled. Taking the plate from her and waiting for her to warm up her own meal before taking a bite.

He was ever the gentleman.

Y/N reached back into her lunch box, taking out the package of naan bread, seeing Spencer’s eyes basically roll into the back of his head. “You thought of everything?”

“Bread is my life,” she laughed.

When her food was ready, she placed it on top of the chess box and led the way down to the break room. Spencer holding every door for her.

She flicked on the lights in the break room, watching them strobe before making that awful powering up frequency. She groaned, putting her food on the table before turning on a few lamps instead.

The room went from bright and anxious to relaxed and personal, the amber glow bouncing off the cream walls, it was nice. As nice as it could be in a prison. She never thought she’d be having a date at a prison.

That’s basically what this was, a date.

She made him dinner, they were going to play games, he was going to sit right beside her, close enough to kiss. She really wanted to, she’s thought about it a lot, his pink lips were perfect and she just wanted to see how they’d feel between her own.

But she wont.

“Dig in honey,” the name rolled over her tongue like it was always meant to.

She felt his eyes on her right away, realizing that she called him honey in a situation where he wasn’t crying, where he wasn’t vulnerable. She said it as a term of endearment, she couldn’t stop the embarrassment form settling in her veins.

She sat beside his softly, picking up her dinner and pretending it didn’t happen. “Thank you,” Spencer cut into the awkwardness.

“You’re welcome,” she said softly. Feeling like she could flip inside out at any moment.

From the corner of her eye she saw him take the first bite, closing his eyes as he appreciated the moment. His shoulders settled as he chewed, she could swear he almost moaned as he ate it. She has had the food in the cafeteria before, she understood his reaction.

“That good?” She asked, teasing him softly.

He nodded, silent as he took it all in. He took another bite, and another, she felt like he was going to get the hiccups at this rate but it was too cute to stop. He was like a stray dog eating inside for the first time in months, it made her happy and then a little sad.

He stayed quiet the whole time. Crossing his legs as he sat on the couch, the plate pulled in close to his chest as he shovelled spoonfuls of food into his mouth. She sat there admiring him as he did so, falling more and more every time she glanced at him.

“That was delicious,” Spencer said as he stood, placing his plate on the counter across the room. “Are you done?” He asked, taking her plate as she reached it out to him.

“Yeah, thanks,” she watched him carefully, always wanting to help her in whatever way he could.

He didn’t sit on the couch when he came back, instead, sitting on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, taking the chess set out and beginning to set it up. Not wanting to miss a moment of the freedom he felt when he was with her.

“So, chess is pretty easy to learn,” he said, looking up at her through thick eyelashes as he spoke. “Do you know any of the rules yet?”

“Um, I know where they all go, I know that you can’t go through other pieces and the horse gets to jump?” She tried to remember all the way back to grade 4, the last time someone explained the rules to her.

He was so soft with her, explaining the rules and showing her what to do. His hand would lightly brush over hers occasionally, eventually, he’d just guide her hand over the pieces that she should move. It was so nice to just be alone with him, knowing they were both allowed to be happy.

The room was mostly silent, only the sound of Spencer's advice and her giggle as she still wasn’t grasping the concept of the game.

“I just like, don’t care about the rules?” She couldn’t stop giggling at the fact she wasn’t picking up on anything he said.

Spencer laughed, it was deep and hearty, right from his soul, “then how do you want to play?”

She picked up the queen and moved it to a random spot, “I want to put this here and fight your guy. That’s why I don't get this, what is my XP? What are their skills? I was raised on Pokemon, honey.”

He made his way back to the couch, sitting closely beside her. “Well sugar pie, do you have any other games you want to play?”

She couldn’t stop herself from leaning in and pressing her lips against his. His hands wrapped around her waist on instinct as they connected.

It was everything she imagined. Soft, gentle, refreshing. Like a cold glass of ice tea on a hot summers day. She wanted more, never letting up as she kissed him.

Spencer was the one to pull off first, “shit,” she whispered, covering her mouth with her hand as she stared at him, horrified.

He laughed, smiling at her softly. “It’s okay,” he promised, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

She doesn’t stop him from pulling her back in, holding her hand on his cheek as he kissed her again. Hungrier than before, Spencer’s tongue was on a mission. He tastes like dinner, but with his own Spencer difference.

Kissing him felt like a fairytale coming true.

She forgot where they were, his hands on the back of her scrubs and her hands in his hair as their mouths clashed. She started to lay back on the couch, pulling him down on top of her.

“We can't,” he pants against her lips. Regretting it as he pulls away from her.

“Sorry, this was unprofessional I know,” she tried to play it off.

Spencer pulled her back in, flush against his chest once more. “No, I don’t regret it. It’s just, I’m not ready.”

“Oh,” she says softly. Then it clicks, “oh, oh my god, Spencer I’m so sorry I forgot. I didn’t mean to push you into anything,” she worries, running her hands over his arms softly.

He shakes his head, “you didn’t. I want to, believe me, I just don’t think I can handle the after part…”

“I cried for 3 hours after I had sex again, after everything,” she told him in complete honesty. Not even Savannah or Derek knew that.

“You don’t have to-“

“I want to,” she assured him. “You shouldn’t have to be the only vulnerable one here, I want you to know about me.”

“You don’t have to tell me the details, I don’t want to think about someone hurting you,” he whispered, his eyes innocently studying her face for how she was feeling.

“Okay, so here’s everything else,” she was still holding his face in her hands. Rubbing her thumb over his cheeks. “I had 2 moms and a little sister, and I was raised in Boston. I met Savannah in 2004, I worked with her until a few years ago. She’s my best friend, Derek is like my big brother.”

She gave him the basics, “I don’t have a dad, my mom used the same donor for me and my sister, so I’ve never really felt safe around men because I never knew many.”

“Understandable,” he smiled softly. “what’s your mom like?”

“She died when I was 26,” she pressed her lips together awkwardly. “I haven’t talked to her wife since then, my other mom, she remarried not long after. I think she was cheating on my mom when she was going through chemo.”

“I’m so sorry,” Spencer whispered.

“I can relate to a lot of the stories I know about you already. My mom was my world, I don’t know my dad. I’ve been hurt by people, I’ve lost a lot of myself while trying to help others,” she brushed her nose against his softly. Letting him know she wasn’t pulling back any time soon. “Who you are is not what you did, or what you’ve been through.”

He kisses her again softly. Breathing in through his nose lightly, his hand on her back pulling her in closer and closer. He didn’t want to let her go, and she was more than happy staying in his embrace forever.

He pulled back softly, “I lied to you.” He whispered against her lips.

“When?” She asked, scared to know the answer.

“I do remember you from Derek’s wedding, he told me about you a long time ago. I told him I was ready for dating again when you told him about Mark,” he couldn’t look at her.

“That’s not a huge lie,” she smiled softly. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking at you all night, with that little blond boy. You two were so sweet, Mark got really mad at me for staring at you actually.”

“Derek told me when he hurt you, he came to my apartment right after so he wouldn’t go and kill him,” Spencer’s voice was so low she had to stare at his lips to understand him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she shook her head softly, kissing the tip of his nose. “Thank you.”

“I don’t want to go back to my cell,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead against hers.

Breaking her heart in the process.

She kissed his cheeks and his lips a few times, peppering kisses to his soft face to make up for it. “We can’t do this again until you’re free,” she whispered.

“I understand.”

“So you better think long and hard about this woman you remember so I can track her down and shove her in that cell instead,” Y/N’s stern voice made him smile.

“Thank you,” he replied again, hugging her the way he promised he would thank her from now on.

—

For being 9 pm on a spring night, it was rather warm in the Vermont parking lot. She left the prison a while ago, not able to leave Spencer’s gravitational pull yet as she sat there, staring at the prison thinking about him alone in his cell instead of pressed against her chest for the rest of the night.

Thinking about the feeling of Spencer’s hands on her body and his tender lips. Her hand over her mouth as she remembered how his bottom lip ghosted over her own, the anticipation was enough to light her on fire.

She took out her phone and called Derek, knowing he would put her on speaker if they were already in bed for the night. Really needing her best friends right now.

“Hey kick-ass, how are you doing today?” Derek’s voice was overly cheery, “Hey!” Savannah added in the background.

“I’m in love with him.”

Chapter 6

She barely slept anymore. Waking up at 6 am every morning without her alarm clock, her heart physically aching to return to Spencer's side after a night without him. She felt like a love-sick school girl, wanting to be with him all day even if they had nothing to say. Just looking at him was enough to make her happy.

A few weeks passed. Weeks filled with smiles and laughter, singing and reading, inside jokes and shared jello cups. She was so madly in love with him, hugging him every morning when he arrived and every night before he left. Keeping her word, kissing him on the cheek every so often instead.

She started a routine of picking up a coffee and a donut for Spencer every single Thursday, worried that he probably thought about his case all night, yet again. Which only kept her up worrying all night about him, wondering if he was doing okay all alone.

Only getting sleep when she remembered that he had a photo of her, his mom, Derek and hank with him. He’d be okay.

She walked into the infirmary to find Jerry and Mike waiting for her with a guard. Mike bleeding all down his face while Jerry held his clearly broken hand.

“You two are going to be the death of me,” she sighed. Putting all her things in her office before coming back to care for them.

She excused the guard, telling him she had it from here. They wouldn’t put up any more fights with her, they looked up to her like a momma bear, and they were her terrible cubs.

“It is 7:33 am, who the fuck did you have to fight this early?” She whisper yelled at them. Not wanting to wake Leo in the care ward, “who is worth this?”

“You don’t want to know,” Mike said under his breath.

“Well clearly he’s not here, is he dead or in violent crimes? If you two fucked up our plan of me helping you during parole next year, I’m going to be pissed,” she tried her best to entice the answers out of them.

“It was Shaw,” Jerry said softly. “He was planning to hurt the new guy, he’s all fake buddy-buddy with him.”

“Excuse me?” She panicked.

“He’s been talking to Milos at night in the locker room, Wilkins lets him out of his cell and into gen-pop,” Mike carried on the story as she tried to clean the blood off his eyebrow.

“What are they going to do to Spence?”

“Spence?” Jerry teased her, poking her side. “I didn’t know he had a nickname already. Why haven’t we met him yet?”

“I’ve kept him locked away to be safe, I’m going to find a way to keep him here at night,” She said softly. “He’s best friends with my brother, I can’t let him get hurt.”

“So you knew him in freedom land?”

She nodded, “a little.”

“All you need is a bandaid,” she changed the subject as she reached into her kit. “And Jerry I’m going to have to set your fingers back in place, if you scream in my face, I will kick you in the nuts.”

They laughed at her fake tuff guy act, never actually being able to hurt them. They were her buddies, giving her a big hug after she finished with them. Getting them both a pudding and telling them to stay put for the day if they wanted to.

Spencer found her in the lab when he arrived, she knew it was him when the door opened, no one else had a passkey to get in. She was writing down some numbers on a chart when he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

She dropped her pen and turned around in his grasp, holding his face in her hands immediately as she pulled him into a quick kiss.

“I thought you said I couldn’t do that again till I’m free?” He asked softly. Kissing her a second time as he finished.

She smiled against his lips, “you’re free when we’re alone.”

He kissed her harder. His hands around her waist as he picked her up slightly. Twirling her around as they kissed, she laughed against his skin. Unable to stop herself from smiling as she held onto him.

She kissed him one last time as he put her down on the floor, “I have a coffee and donut for you in my office.”

“You’re too good to me, Sugar Pie.”

“Anything for you, Honey Bunch,” she bit her lip as she smiled at him again. So absolutely overwhelmed with love for him.

“I actually have a serious question to ask you,” his tone changed, making her concerned.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m still trying to figure out more about that night, and I think I want to try exposure therapy,” he explained. “I was wondering if you’d help me get high, so I can remember what happened in the same mindset.”

“Okay,” she nodded softly. “I can book you in for the night here, say you’re under observation, and I’ll stay here with you.”

“Are you sure?”

She kissed him softly again, looking up at him with a smile after. “If you’re sure about it, I’ll help you. But we need some ground rules.”

“Of course,” he agreed. Letting go of her as she stepped back, leaning against the counter now.

“No kissing, nothing like that, we’ll do it in my office so you can be alone and then later you’ll sleep in the observation room. Leo is in there, he’s harmless and sleeps all night on his morphine anyway,” she explained. “I’m not going to take advantage of you, I don’t want you to regret it. It’s going to be hard to sober up again once you get a taste of euphoria in here.”

He nodded along as she set the rules, “those are good. Thank you.”

“They drugged you with heroin, and while I know where to get some, I’m not letting you do that,” she laughed. “I have Dilaudid in pills and liquid morphine.” Letting him pick his poison.

“The pills will be fine,” he said softly.

“Alright,” she smiled. “And if you want, when you get out I can take you to a meeting? You’ll need to talk to someone other than me, someone who gets it.”

“You’ll stay with me after all this?”

“As long as you let me,” she felt her heart grow 3 sizes at the way his puppy dog eyes stared back at her. “Go have your breakfast and I will come to see you soon, okay honey?”

His smile was glorious, she could feel the love radiating off him as he looked at her. It felt wonderful, knowing at that moment her feelings weren’t one-sided. That he wanted her just as bad as she wanted him. He was going to be good to her.

—

She had mike and Jerry help her move the couch from the break room and into her office, allowing them to meet Spencer, finally. It was awkward at first, two big muscle men telling him how much they also loved their Sugar.

“Should we tell him?” Mike nudged Jerry.

“What?” Spencer asked softly, sitting at his desk on the other side of the room, really not enjoying their alpha energy.

“Shaw, Milos and Wilkins are all secretly buddies, they were planning to hurt you and so Mike and Jerry beat Shaw up in the yard,” she scrunched her face as she explained it, not ready for his reaction.

“How?”

“After they cut that kid's throat, they wanted to get you to run heroin for them. But you ended up in here, we heard them in gen-pop last night saying they wanted to get you,” Jerry explained as he played with the bandages on his hand. “He won't be out of the violent offender's infirmary for a while.”

“Thank you,” he replied to them with a pressed-lipped smile. “I need to call my team about the case.”

That was their queue to leave, Y/N patting them on the back for the help, telling them they could stay with Leo or go back to the yard, she didn’t care. They just couldn’t be in her office for this.

Spencer looked a little pissed off. “I didn’t ask them to do that,” she said, defensively.

“I’m not mad at you,” he shakes his head softly as steps into her space. “You’re the only person I can trust in here.”

She placed her hand on his chest softly, “call Penelope. Take your time on the phone with the team.” She handed him her cell phone, “FaceTime them if you want. See their faces, it’ll be okay.”

He hugged her, a silent thank you. She ran her hands over his back as she pressed her face into his neck. Holding back every instinct to tell him she loved him as she pulled away.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Okay,” he smiled. Taking her phone, “how do I?”

She couldn’t help laughing, “here,” she dialled Penelope’s cellphone number and hit the FaceTime button.

Seeing her beautiful, bright and bubbly face smile as she answered. “Hey! Oh my god, hold on,” they watched as she got up and ran down a hallway.

Spencer was instant giggles and smiles, a side of him she’s never seen before. True, pure love. This was his family, these were his people. She could see herself fitting into his little world one day.

“Guys! It’s Spencer!” She yelled as she ran into another room.

“What’s wrong?” “Is he okay?”

Suddenly she turned the phone sideways to show all his co-workers. “Hi!” He waved to them.

“Spence!” Emily and JJ cheered, “oh you look so good.”

“I feel good, how are you all?” He asked softly, taking her phone and sitting down at his desk.

She watched him softly from the door, slipping out when she saw his attention was fully on his past life. She walked down the hall towards the lab, hearing his laughter through the walls.

—

She placed 2 pills in a plastic cup, taking an apple juice and jello from the fridge for Spencer. She placed it on his desk 20 minutes before his shift ended, giving him a little space to decide when he wanted to. He told her that he get’s cold when he comes down from a high, so she leaves a fluffy blanket and a pillow on the couch before slipping back out of the room.

She returned to the care unit, looking over Leo as he got ready for the night. Administering his meds and wishing him a good night. She closed his curtain, so when Spencer eventually went to bed he wouldn’t be disturbed.

When she finally settled into her office for the night, Spencer was in the dark. Sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. “Hey,” he said softly.

“How are you?” She asked softly. Closing the door behind herself. Locking it and making sure all the blinds were closed.

“It’s going to hit soon,” he said softly. Suddenly embarrassed and closed off, hiding from her as he laid down.

She didn’t want to bother him, sitting at her desk with her reports. The light from the computer is just enough to see what she was looking at. She glanced at him every few minutes to make sure he was okay.

He enjoys it at first, a blissed-out look on his face as his head is tossed back against the couch. She knows the exact euphoria he’s feeling, she understood perfectly why someone would want to escape like that.

Then his face changes as he starts to hate it, he mumbles to himself with his eyes squeezed shut, she could see him gripping the sheets as he tries to force himself to remember.

She’s uncomfortable watching it, feeling like an intruder. She tried to only focus on her work, flipping through emails and Twitter, scrolling through Facebook for the first time in months to preoccupy her mind.

He was like that for at least an hour.

She could hear his teeth chattering as he came down, just like he said would happen. “You okay, honey?”

“Y-yeah,” he tried to speak through the shaking. “C-can we cuddle?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, turning on her desk lamp before joining him on the couch.

She pulled him up into a sitting position, sitting where his head once was and letting him settle into her lap. She ran her hands through his hair, combing through the locks as she shushed him. Running her hand up and down his back in a tender motion, he snuggled into her leg.

“I’m not that high anymore,” he says softly.

“I know, it’s okay if you are. I’m not going anywhere tonight.”

“I love you,” he whispers.

It makes her stop. Her whole body stills at the words, he wanted to clarify so she’d know it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. She closes her eyes and squeezes them shut, biting her lip as she tries not to burst into tears.

He felt it too.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, “sit up.” She instructs him softly.

She laid down against the couch then, waiting for him to snuggle into her side. Wrapping the blanket around them both as they found the most comfortable position.

“Sorry,” he whispered against the crook of her neck.

“It’s okay, it just feels wrong for me to say it back right now. I feel the same, believe me, Spencer.” She wanted to assure him to the best of her ability. “But you’re still an inmate in my care, I can’t. Not yet.”

“You don’t have to,” he pulled back to look her in the eyes, his own still droopy from how tired the drugs made him. “I’m going to love you regardless.”

She broke her own rules. Kissing him softly, holding him close to her, under the blanket where both their body heat was trapped. She had never felt safer in her entire life.

Spencer only crawling into that bed in the care ward when he woke up to her alarm the following morning.

Chapter 7

There’s someone banging on her office door just a little after 8 am. She was in the middle of putting a new pair of scrubs on over her long-sleeve undershirt, the banging on her door doesn’t stop until she opens the door.

“What?” She yells at them.

It’s Officer Wilkins. “Where is inmate Reid? We have a visitor for him.”

“No one is scheduled to see him today?”

“There is now. Where is he?” The man towered over her. Trying his best to intimidate her.

“Care ward. I’ll get him. You can go wait in the waiting room,” she pushes past him. Watching him stumble as he hits the wall.

“He’s not worth dying over,” he whispers under his breath.

She doesn’t leave Reid’s side as Wilkins attempts to escort him to an interrogation room. Y/N stands in the observation room as Spencer waits, cuffed to the table. Looking through the mirror at each other, only he couldn’t see her. He just knew she would be there.

“Mom?” Spencer’s shocked voice breaks her out of her thoughts as she sees Diana walking into the room.

A dark-haired woman she’s never met before escorting her in. Y/N whips her phone out to take a quick photo before running back to her office as quickly as she can.

Y/N: I need you to check on Cassie, Diana’s nurse. Someone I don’t know just brought Diana to the prison.

She attached the photo she took, setting her phone down to looking through the visitor's logs on her computer. Wanting to know the name of the woman accompanying Diana.

“I’m sorry,” the familiar voice says from her doorway.

She looks up at him from her desk. Wilkins is stepping into her space with a look of guilt, taking his baton off his belt.

“You don’t have to do this,” she backed up against the wall, trying to keep as much distance from him as possible.

“I have to,” his tone changed. Like a personality switch, his eyes darkened as he charged at her.

She ran around the desk, watching him follow. Punching her in the face, causing her to fall back against the couch, she didn’t want him to get on top of her. Dropping to the carpeted floor as he dove onto the couch.

She crawled on the floor towards the door as he tried to get up. Standing as fast as she could, roundhouse kicking him in the face with a grunt. Her foot hit his jaw at just the right angle, rendering him unconscious.

She reached for his cuffs as soon as he hit the floor, “Leo!! Help!” She screamed down the hall.

She heard bare feet running down the hall, followed by the sound of rubber on linoleum. “Sugar??” Mike and Jerry yelled as they followed.

“Watch him,” she insisted once the cuffs were on him. “Hurt him if you have to.”

She took the second pair of cuffs off Wilkins's belt before running out of the room, her lip busted and bleeding down her neck.

She ran down the hall towards Spencer, busting into the room and knocking the nurse to the ground. Struggling to get her onto her stomach, “stop struggling, who the fuck are you?”

“Get off me!” She screamed in return.

Y/N cuffed her and pulled her to her feet, pushing her against the stone wall.

“What is going on?” Spencer stood up, cuffed to the table so he couldn’t help.

“Wilkins just attacked me, Diana wasn’t supposed to be here,” she said over her shoulder in Spencer’s direction. “So I’ll ask again,” she whispered in the woman's ear as she pushed her against the wall harder. “Who, the fuck! Are you?”

“He knows me,” she spat out.

Y/N ripped her off the wall, making her look at Spencer who was shocked, speechless as he tried to remember her face. “Who is she?”

“She told me Cassie was fired, she’s been with me all morning?” Diana tried to explain, slightly freaking out.

“I sent her photo to Penelope, I need a guard,” Y/N said, hauling the unknown women into the hall with her.

—

The prison was put on lockdown as they tried to figure out this security breach. Wilkins and the nurse being held in prison custody as they waited for the BAU team to fly in.

Figuring out that her name was Lindsay Vaughn, Spencer remembered as much as he could about her. How he tried to save her dad, losing him to his carnal need to kill. Lindsay following closely in her daddy's footsteps.

Diana sat at Spencer’s desk, Mike and Jerry stand watch at the door. Y/N was sitting on top of her desk in front of Spencer, it was his turn to run alcohol over her cuts. Holding her face in his hands as he cared for her.

“I'm sorry,” he mouths the words at her. Not wanting his mother to overhear them.

She nods in response, unable to smile as the cut on her lips stings. All things considered, she could have been in a lot worse condition if it wasn’t for Derek and her training.

She wants to kiss him, she can tell he’s looking over her shoulder at his mom. Waiting to make sure she’s not looking before he leans in a little closer.

Pressing their lips together as silently as possible, his eyes still on her’s as they did so. It’s the most tender kiss she’s ever had, “I’m okay Spence,” she said softly as he pulled back.

“I’m still sorry you were dragged into this,” holding her against his chest softly.

From where she was sitting on top of her desk, she placed her head on his chest, holding him as close as she could, his cheek resting on her head. She wrapped her legs around him, not wanting to let him go, ever.

Needing the comfort he brought her, now more than ever.

When Derek and she started training again it was mostly to help her feel safe. To know what to do if it happened again. She didn’t ever expect it to, thinking it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. That she’d learn from it and then she wouldn’t be in this situation again, being punched in the face by a man.

She started to cry, the throbbing pain in both her face and her foot taking over as the adrenaline dissipated, she was too overwhelmed to do anything more. He let her cry against him, rubbing his hand on her back as he kissed her forehead.

She couldn’t wait for him to get out of here, and she was going to leave with him.

—

Derek is the first to burst through the door. Wrapping Spencer up in the biggest hug she’s ever seen him give. Rocking Spencer back and forth in his grasp as he kissed Spencer's cheek a few times.

He pulled back, holding Spencer's face in his hands. Smiling so he didn’t cry, “they’re dropping the charges.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope,” Derek shakes his head adding, “You’re free.” Expecting Spencer to hug him again.

Instead, Spencer turns to Y/N and pulls her into a kiss. She’s startled at first, eyes wide open as Spencer’s hands find her waist and pulls her right up against him.

She can't help but settle against him. Holding his face in her hands as she kisses him back. He picks her up slightly, spinning her around with his face buried in her neck as she yelps.

Everyone in the room watching him celebrate with her in shocked silence.

He placed her back on the ground, kissing her one last time. “You did it, Spence,” she smiles at him.

“We did it.”

She hears someone clearing their throat. Both of them turning to see the Warden as well as the entire BAU team standing in her doorway. But they don’t pull apart, Spencer’s hand stays on her side as they wait to get yelled at.

“I quit,” Y/N said before he could say anything to her, “and I might sue.”

“I’m suing for sure,” Spencer added.

“We’re terribly sorry for the condition of your stay Doctor Reid. And Doctor Y/L/N, I’ll never be able to make it up to you. I’m incredibly sorry for what Wilkins did,” the warden tried to cover his ass from a bureau lawsuit.

“Too late for that,” Emily added. Stepping into the room more. “Doctor Reid will be leaving with us, now.”

“Understood,” the Warden hurried out of the room before any more damage could be done.

Everyone took a turn hugging Spencer then. A handful of them even hugging Y/N as well.

Emily wrapped Y/N up in a hug, rubbing her back the way she would all those years before. “Thank you, you have no idea what he means to us.”

“I think I do,” she laughed against her. “If that’s not weird?”

“Not at all,” she pulled back, looking at Y/N with her big beautiful eyes, her bangs pushed out of the way so she could take a good look again. “You two are good together.”

She smiled, “thanks Em.”

“We need to fill him in on everything, will you stay with Diana?” Emily asked.

“Of course, I’m just going to be packing up some things anyway,” she said as she turned to Spencer. “Have fun with your friends, honey.”

“Thanks, sugar,” he kissed her on the cheek before walking out. Everyone whistling and hollering at the boldness Dr. Reid had developed in prison.

They all filed out after him, she watched the door with a soft smile as they wandered down the hall, Spencer taking them to the break room so they could chat.

“Thank you, Y/N,” Diana’s small voice came from Spencer’s desk.

“Oh, Diana,” she smiled. “Can I give you a hug?”

Diana nodded as she walked over to her, wrapping her up in a hug, much like how Spencer would. She can imagine Spencer’s hugs once feeling like this, imagining him small and shy, holding her slightly. Unlike his more beefy, relaxed form since being in prison.

“He means the world to me too,” she says softly as Diana pulls away.

“You saved him, if he didn’t have you he might not still be my soft and sweet little Spencer,” Diana patted her shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for making him,” she laughed slightly. “He’s a wonderful man, I have a feeling you played a big role in that.”

Her smile was just like his. The smile of a mother, someone who was going to love him forever, maybe she’d love her too. Y/N felt a little emotional, this could be her family one day.

Chapter 8

There was a lot of information to process as she sat at the BAU round table.

Learning the entire plot of some women’s revenge against Spencer, just how much Wilkins and Lindsay were involved, the crazy scheme they planned and how terribly it would have ended if she wasn’t there.

Spencer, on the other hand, was visiting this Cat person in prison. The one who orchestrated it all, the one who was obsessed with Spencer, the love of her life, to the point she might be having his baby. He had some things to settle with her.

He was on edge before he left, going with Derek and JJ while Y/N stayed back with Diana. David Rossi had even offered to let them all stay at his guest house later that night, seeing as Spencer’s apartment was a crime scene.

Lindsay murdered Cassie, leaving her dead body on Spencer’s apartment floor. Ruining the place he was so desperate to return to.

She was a little out of it. Trying to think of everything that happened and everything she would have to do in the next few days. Compiling a list in her mind as the anxiety bubbled in her gut.

She needed a new job and a new place to live. First, she’d have to go back to Vermont to pack, and she’d have to find a way to support her boys on Parole. And Mike and Jerry.

She put her hands over her face and rested against the table. Overwhelmed with everything, her face still hurting, the lights were too much, she was tired.

Then she was crying softly.

“Hey,” Emily rubbed her back softly. “Shhh, it’s okay, what’s wrong Y/N?”

She sat up and wiped her eyes with a small laugh, embarrassed that her kinda ex-girlfriend was comforting her. “I’m stressed?” She answered, not even really sure herself.

Emily smiled while she nodded, looking so different now than she did back when they first met. Older, but in a beautiful way, gracefully becoming who she was always meant to be. “I get it, believe me.”

She remembered Derek saying she ‘died’ once. How they buried her casket and how pissed they were when they found out she was actually alive. Y/N only knew Emily re-born, as they called her.

She was always caring, always wanted to comfort and make people happy. It was the way she coped with hurting them all, but it carried on past the team. It carried on to strangers, victims, sometimes even unsub’s.

And most definitely Y/N.

There was a part of Y/N that wonders what loving Emily would have been like; if it would have felt half as good as loving Spencer. Or would it be better? She’d never really know, but she could imagine it would have been nice.

“How can we help?” Emily asked, still as wonderful as ever.

“I need a new job,” she laughed. “Can Penelope use her mad skills to find a reputable business in need of a doctor around here?”

“Are you moving back to Virginia?” She smiled at the thought.

“Yeah,” Y/N nodded, a smile growing on her face. “I’m kind of attached to Spencer now.”

“Good, maybe Derek can help you find a place, he has like, what 7? Right now that he’s fixing up?” Emily threw out ideas. “You’ll get the ball rolling soon, it’ll all be fine.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “For not giving up on him, I know you would never but, I was worried he had lost all hope and you never did. Thank you.”

Emily hugged her again, not saying anything. Y/N knew there was nothing to thank her for, this was a family. They would kill for each other if they needed to.

“Let’s go see Penelope,” Emily replied as she pulled away. Standing and extending a hand for Y/N.

The BAU offices were so interesting, many people running around to get jobs done before the end of the day as the main team chilled. It was like any other office she was in; controlled chaos and hierarchy.

Diana was sitting with Penelope in her office, flipping through a scrapbook while eating a jello cup. It made her smile to see it ran in the family.

“Hey,” Penelope cheered as she noticed them.

“I was just going to ask for some help with something, I see you’re busy,” Y/N awkwardly commented on the situation.

“Oh, we’re not,” Diana said. “I was showing her photos of Spencer. Would you like to see them?”

“I’d love to, um while I’m here, Penelope would you be willing to help me search for a good job?” She asked a lot mousier than Spencer would have if he was asking her for something.

“Of course, what are we looking for?” She wheeled to her main computer, cracking her knuckles as she got ready to look.

“Um, anyone hiring a GP close to here, I’m willing to go all the way to DC for work,” she explained. “I just want a place where I won't get punched again,” she tried to laugh at the trauma.

“The sanatarium is hiring, they’ve got good ratings and not a lot of patient complaints, they’re looking for a physician to care for the elderly members of the program,” Penelope explained as she clicked through screen after screen of info.

“That would be nice,” she smiled towards Diana. “Did you like the one you were at?”

“Oh yes,” Diana mused. “I had many friends there, I miss them and the social aspect. For a bunch of loons, I really loved the company.” She laughed at herself.

“I send the link to you,” Penelope smiled. “Now let me see his little baby bum again that one is my favourite, he’s so funny,” she leaned back in close to Diana.

All the pictures were priceless. Seeing Spencer grow up, page after page, every award and accomplishment displayed proudly. It made her miss her family, the love that a mother could bring to her life.

She got a little emotional, trying to nonchalantly wipe the tear off her cheek as she watched Diana flip a page.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly.

Y/N laughed, “yeah I just miss my mom.” She scrunched her nose so that the tears stayed in, waving her hand in front of her face as she tried to blink the tears back.

“Where is she?” An innocent question opening the floodgates.

“She had cancer,” Y/N cried softly. Not noticing as Emily and Penelope left the room. Giving them a space to bond.

“She died when I was 26,” she explained.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Diana placed her hand on Y/N’s back as she rubbed her softly. “Do you have any other family?”

“My moms are gay, well. After my mom died I stopped talking to her wife, yes she raised me but she hurt my mom too much for me to love her like a parent,” Y/N unloaded her trauma onto Diana, it must be genetic to find comfort in the Reids.

“Spencer never had a father either,” Diana related to her. “After William left it was just us, and Spencer stepped up to being the man of the house. He’s always been thrown into situations where he has no control but he needs to make the decisions. You’re probably the best person he could be with, he doesn’t have to take care of you.”

“Cause I baby him,” she laughed as she wiped stray tears off her cheeks. “He’s pretty wonderful, you did a fantastic job. Both of you did, look at the love you have. This is a perfect family.”

She gestured to the book of photos, seeing the love beaming off Diana’s face as she held a 12-year-old Spencer in her arms. Braces, on his face, thick glasses, long hair. He was adorable.

“You’re welcome to join,” Diana offered softly. “I’ve always wanted a daughter.”

“Why didn’t you?” She asked softly.

“Why have more when you can stop at perfection,” she smiled, the same wonderful smile Spencer had.

“That he is,” she agreed. “Thank you for him.”

“Thank you, I mean it when I say you saved him,” Diana’s serious look making Y/N cry again.

“I know,” she cried. “And I’d do it again.”

In a heartbeat.

—

Rossi had 3 rooms ready for use in his guest house. Only 2 were ever used during their stay. They spent a few nights recovering together, helping Diana into a new routine for a few days while trying to just spend as much time as possible together out in the real world.

Rossi’s property was huge, never-ending even. He had lake access, ponds with ducks, fields and fields of long grass topped with flowers. It was like a dream getting to explore it together.

Happiness hit her like a freight train, smacking her in the chest and knocking the wind out of her.

She blinked and suddenly she had been waking up in Spencer’s arms for a week straight. Going on adventures together, waiting for him with a coffee outside his NA meetings, holding him all night long.

He had a hard time adjusting to a real bed again, it was too soft. He spent most of his time with his head on Y/N's chest, letting her rub his back slowly as she kissed his head, helping him drift off to sleep every single night. Causing her to fall deeper and deeper in love with him.

Every day beside him was a blessing, no longer was he a dog trapped in a cage. He was free, running with her through the fields like wild horses.

She woke up with him still snuggled into her, arm around her waist, legs tangled together, his face right in the crook of her neck. His hot breath on her skin being the thing that finally woke her up.

Absentmindedly running her fingers through his hair, eyes still closed as she woke up. Snuggling her cheek against the top of his head, causing him to pull her in tighter. Both of them slowly coming alive again.

“I love you,” her voice coarse from sleeping with her mouth open, dry as she licked her lips. It was the only thought that came to her mind. Not even realizing it was the first time she’s said it to him.

Spencer kissed her neck softly, “I love you.”

She couldn’t believe the happiness she was feeling, almost positive that even in her saddest moments she still loved him just this much. He was everything, even under all the scares and trauma, he was the most wonderful person in her whole world. And she was beyond blessed to be holding him in her arms.

The sun was barely up yet, having fallen asleep around 10 pm last night, they were up way earlier than they expected. It was so nice, the deep orange light of the morning sun creeping through the window behind the bed.

“Do you want to go watch the sun come up?” She asked softly.

“Yeah,” he nodded softly. Sitting up with her to get ready.

They put on track pants and sweaters and shoes, grabbing a few blankets and heading outside. A few minutes of walking behind Rossi’s house led them towards a beautiful little pond, they laid out 2 blankets over the dew-soaked grass before cuddling on top of it.

The birds were performing for them, the clouds were cleaning into the most beautiful morning blue sky she had ever seen. She couldn’t help herself from holding him tighter against the blanket.

The sun shined on the water, casting beautiful pinks and oranges across the surface as it stretched into the sky. A few ducks followed their mommas in the May morning breeze, quacking in agreement as they swam across the pond. Playing a game of following the leader.

It was a dream, she was sure of it. It was all too perfect to be real.

Including Spencer, he laid there softly underneath her, holding her against his chest as she appreciated the world around them. His attention only on her, even after being locked up for 3 months. He would always choose her.

“I’m so happy,” she said softly. “You make me so happy.”

He kissed her on the forehead, pushing her back against the blanket so he could kiss her whole face as she laid there. Smiling as she held his sides, letting him smother her in affection.

When he finally stops kissing her, he brushes her hair behind her ear. Cupping her face with one hand as he looks at her. The sun casting a vibrant glow on the both of them as they appreciated each other for a moment.

“I don’t know how I made it so long without you,” he finally speaks. “But I never want to do it again.”

“Move in with me?” She replied without a second thought. “I need to find a place here anyway, and I doubt you want to go back to your apartment.”

“I already asked Derek for the place he was fixing on Wilmont, it’s close to the sanatarium, mom wants to be social again,” he filled her in on his plans. “We just have to sign the lease.”

“We?” She teased him.

“I love you,” he reminded her.

“Good,” she smiled as she pulled him into another kiss. “Because I love you, too.”

Spending time with Spencer was intimacy in its purest form. It was a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual love. It was the first time in her life she felt truly in love, not mesmerized by the idea of it.

She trusted him when he said that he loved her. She believed him when held her when he talked to her about his day or the most random things his mind could conjure. When he’d just hold her, enjoying her presence without wanting anything more than just her.

Chapter 9

They arrived in Vermont early on a Saturday morning, heading to her apartment to pack everything up. It was just the two of them this time, flying in together, half asleep at the break of dawn.

Only bringing 1 bag with her essentials for the next 2 days, hoping to pack her whole life into a truck and pray it arrived in Virginia okay.

And she got to show Spencer her space. A personal side of her that he had no idea about. He knew her mind, her feelings, her trauma, but he didn’t know what her personality was really like outside of loving him.

He was surprised by the amount of stuff she had. Wandering around her apartment quietly as she started taping boxes into shape.

Rented white walls enclosed the space when she moved in, not being able to paint them or anything felt wrong to her. So she covered them in photos, artwork and posters. Bringing the space to life with a touch of colour.

Mostly neons, having an affinity for green and purple accent pieces. Not a single shade of blue to be found, getting enough of that at work over the years.

She had plants everywhere, an old record player and a million different albums spread across the living room. Her bedroom was a mess, the closet was even worse. The kitchen would be easy to pack, it was the stuff on the walls she was worried about.

“I’m probably not getting my deposit back,” she laughed as she started taking the paintings down.

“I didn’t know you went to Harvard?” He points at her medical degree on the wall as she takes it down.

“Yeah, let me guess you’re a Yale guy?” She teased him.

He scoffed, nudging her arm lightly. “CalTech and MIT actually, Yale was my safety school.”

“Mine too,” she smiled.

Spencer stood beside her and watched for a minute, “what should I do?”

“Pick an area and pack the way you would if this was your place, I trust you won't break anything.”

“Okay,” he nodded, beginning stacking all her books on the kitchen table.

They worked well together, they knew that already. She put on music, they moved around each other freely. Occasionally singing the words and dancing around to the good ones. It was a lovely day to just open the windows and clean.

Hours passed, pizzas had been ordered and destroyed, boxes filled every corner of the space as her personality was completely ripped from the room. Soon it was just them, a couch and the record player.

She got up and walked into the bedroom to change, feeling sticky and gross from the day. Not expecting Spencer to follow and sit down on the edge of the bed.

“Who knew packing boxes for 7 hours would make you so sweaty,” she jokes as she peels the shirt off her back. Standing in front of him in just her sports bra.

He turns away from her, making her laugh slightly. “Spencer, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” He asks as he turns back to look at her.

She nods softly, “do you want to shower with me?”

He’s speechless for a moment, staring at her with an open mouth, “yeah, yes sure.”

She can't help herself from laughing, taking his hand and pulling him into her tiny bathroom. She makes sure they both have a few towels, seeing him awkwardly stand by the door like he’s not allowed to move.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she reminded him. “Go as slow as you want.”

“I want to join you, but just to clean,” he made his decision.

“Alright, I have 3 different shampoos you can choose from,” she smiled, opening her cupboard and letting him pick. He smiled, appreciating how easily she made it a strictly business situation.

She took off her pants, watching him get undressed out of the corner of her eye. They had been much more intimate with each other already, getting naked in front of him shouldn’t have been as nerve-racking as it was.

She turned on the water, making sure it was the right temperature with her foot. She took a deep breath and just took the sports bra off, freeing her boobs after a long day felt amazing, replacing the fear of Spencer seeing her for the first time. She dropped her underwear to the floor and stepped into the shower, waiting for him to do the same.

Before she knew it, he was standing in front of her, naked. She didn’t know how to act, just laughing and smiling at him. He did the same, it felt kinda crazy that they were standing in a shower, butt naked as the water pooled at their feet.

“You have to pull the thingy up,” she pointed at the bottom of the shower behind him. “It might be cold when it hits you, here pull it up and hide in the corner, like I do.”

He followed her instructions, pulling the small silver plug up to redirect the water from the tub faucet to the shower head. Cowering into the corner with her, their chests pressed together as the cold water hit his back, making him gasp as she laughed.

She wrapped her arms around him, leaning against the shower wall as she held him against her, “hi,” she whispered through her smile.

He kissed her quickly before backing up under the stream. She watched the water cover his hair, making it darker as it spread through the long locks. She watched it drip down his body softly, her eyes travelling down as it did.

He had a scar on his neck and all the bruising on his chest was long gone. His skin was so pretty, he only had a small amount of chest hair, but it was the collection of freckles all over capturing her gaze the most. She reached out and rested her hand on his chest, seeing his eyes open as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Sorry,” she pulled her hand back.

“It’s okay,” he laughed slightly. “Here,” he reached behind her for the bar of soap, “if you want to touch me while I wash my hair?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. Reaching for the loofa on the tap behind him, standing directly in his space as she did so.

They switched sides, slowly turning so he would be out of the spray of the shower head. He put shampoo in his hands and rubbed it through his hair while she watched quietly for a moment.

She rubbed the bar of soap against the fabric of the loofa, watching it foam up and fill the small space with a soft cucumber scent. Running it over his chest softly as he massaged his scalp. She was so soft with him, mesmerized by how lucky she was.

He was beautiful and soft. He wasn’t big and buff like Derek, he was just a normal man with a love for chocolate donuts and jello. She ran the loofa over his tummy as she smiled, loving everything about him.

Loving every part actually while trying to avoid both eye and physical contact with specific sections of him. Not knowing if he was okay, wanting to respect his space, and appreciating that he was doing the same with her.

He laughed when she ran it along his side, ticking his armpit as he tried to wash his hair, soap dripping down onto his eyebrow. She reached up and wiped it off his face so it wouldn’t go in his eye.

“Thanks,” he smiled.

“Switch?” She said as she guided him back under the water, his eyes still closed from the fear of getting soap in them. Scrunching his face up in the cutest way.

The water cascaded over his body, washing the soap down him as she watched, her hair not even close to being wet enough to wash yet. She just wanted to watch the show, to look at all of him and appreciate the moment.

He opened his eyes once all the soap was gone, his hair longer than ever as it laid flat behind his ears, he looked so funny without a big curly mop of hair on his head, remembering he said it used to be like this at one point.

“Your turn?” He offered, taking the loofa from her and reapplying the soap to it. “Can I?”

“Of course,” she answered as he slowly ran the material over her.

He was so gentle, she watched his face as he washed over her. Biting his bottom lip in concentration as he covered her chest, arms and stomach, “um,” he tried to speak, she knew what he wanted.

She took the loofa from him and replaced it with a bar of soap, “rub it in your hands for a sec, and then use them it’s easier.”

He did just that, lathering up his hands before he placed them directly on her breasts. She let out a sigh, bordering on a moan, as he held them in his hands, massaging the soap in carefully. Thumbs rubbing over her nipples as he made sure to not miss a spot.

She was in heaven, tossing her head back against the shower wall as he ran his hands over her more. Exploring her as she leaned against the wall.

Down her stomach, past her belly button, washing her hips before dropping to his knees. Using the bar of soap once more to wash over her legs as she stared at him, amazed by the bravery he was showing.

The water getting in his eyes down there, he stood and pushed his hair back out of his face as the water dropped to the floor, “turn around?” He asked softly.

“Yeah,” she replied, turning to face the wall.

He ran his soapy hands all over her back, over her shoulders and arms. Paying special attention to her butt, which made her laugh, she was only a little ticklish there.

She was covered head to toe in bubbles, Spencer looked at her with a big grin on his face as he noticed his job was done. Helping her under the water to wash all the soap off.

She lifted her arms to run the water through her hair, feeling her boobs perk up as she did so. Spencer's attention being completely switched to her chest as he watched. “Pass me the gold shampoo bottle?”

“Y-yeah,” he said, grabbing it from behind himself and handing it back to her.

She stepped into his space, pouring the soap into her hand and rubbing it in. “They say if you lather it up it’ll apply easier,” she explained her little life hack as she rubbed her hands together.

Finally running her hands back through her hair in Spencer’s personal bubble. Her boobs pressing against his chest once again. He was breathing heavier as she watched him, hoping soap didn’t make its way into her eye and ruin the moment.

When she finally stepped back to wash the soap out of her hair, Spencer followed, pressing them together once more. Holding her by the waist as she continued to get the soap out.

Once the water ran clean, she rested her hands on Spencer's shoulders. Staring at him as the water ran down her back, his eyelashes covered in water droplets as he stared into her eyes.

He was beautiful like this, just himself.

“Are we ever going to be like a real couple?” He asked softly.

“What do you mean?”

He ran his wet hands over his back as he thought about it for a moment, “I would like to be with you, more than this, but-”

“You mean sex?” She smiled softly, trying her best to not tease him. It was a serious moment, but she loved him too much to see him struggle.

“Yeah, I just don’t know how I’ll react,” he admitted.

“Honey,” she cooed, rubbing her nose against his softly. “Sex doesn’t make us a real couple, first of all. And second, we have all the time in the world, so you take it as slow as you want. We can start little by little, I don’t mind waiting.”

“How do you mean?”

She smirked at him, “have you ever masturbated in the same room as someone else?”

He swallowed sharply, shaking his head softly, “no, have you?”

“No,” she whispered. “But it’s a small step. You can sit beside me, we touch ourselves, nothing overlaps unless you want it to. Ease into it. It would be another easy way to be comfortable with your body around me.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

She reached behind herself to turn the water off, tapping the silver plug with her foot to release the pressure, and stepping out of the shower finally.

—

They dried off, getting into their pj’s before laying on the couch in her empty living room. Listening to the Hozier album that was already sitting on the player and cuddling while their hair dried. Just enjoying each other's company, he was so soft and he smelled amazing, it was so nice to have him in her space.

“Did you still want to?” Spencer cut into the moment.

It made her smile against him, lifting her head off his chest as she went to stand up. “Come on,” she took his hand, helping him to his feet.

She pulled him in close, kissing his lips softly. Only planning to kiss him once, being drawn into his mouth as his hands wrapped around her back.

She held him in return, slowly making her way into the bedroom as they stayed connected, laughing as her back smacked the door frame and then at the way he fell into her bed with her on top.

Her music softly travelled in from the living area, they kept the lights off as they stripped out of their pants and got under the covers.

“How did you want to start?” She asked, turning to face him as she laid against the pillow.

“Can we just kiss for a while?”

“Absolutely,” she smiled, placing a hand on his cheek and leaning in.

She was laying slightly on top of him, holding his face in her hands as she kissed him. His tongue was soft, swirling with hers as they made out softly. He was very handsy, wanting to touch every single part of her once again like he didn’t get enough in the shower.

She spread her leg between his, sitting on his thigh as she rubbed against him. He bit her lip, squeezing her skin at the feeling. “I think I can do it,” he said softly.

“No,” she whispered, kissing his neck before getting off him. “I don’t want to hear I think. It’s a yes or it’s a no.”

“Okay,” he managed to bring reason back into his horny brain.

He took his shirt off, only in boxers beside her, tenting in them slightly. She took off her shirt as well, laying back against the pillow. He watched her breasts the whole time, licking his lips as he leaned on his side.

She ran a hand over her side, cupping her breast and tossing her head into the pillow more. “I’m starting without you,” she teased, her other hand slipping under the band of her underwear.

He laid on his back, bending his knees as he slipped his boxers off, she looked over at him with careful eyes. Genuinely curious about how beautiful he would look rock hard and begging for it.

She didn’t move her hand, just resting it under her underwear to entice him to start. She watched as he stroked himself softly, returning his attention to her smiling face.

She pushed her shirt and underwear off as well, scooting in closer to him so she was pressed against his side. Bending one knee so she could ghost her fingers over the folds as he watched her.

“I want to touch you,” he rushed the words out.

“Okay.”

He reached his left hand over, resting it on her hip before resting his hand on top of hers. She slipped it out from under his grasp, guiding his fingers to her clit as she stretched her legs further apart.

“Yeah, like that,” she encouraged him.

“W-would you?”

“Finish the sentence,” she instructed him. “Tell me exactly what you want.”

“Stroke me, I want it. Yes.”

She wrapped her fist around him, feeling his fingers swoop down to see how wet she was. “Oh,” she jerked her hips against his side, not expecting him to loop the wetness back up and rub her clit again.

He groaned as she stroked him faster, both of them staring at their own handiwork. She was fascinated with how big he was, being able to stroke up and down him so gracefully it was like she was always meant to. She licked her lips as she saw the pearl of precum drip out. Gathering it up with her thumb as she slid back down his length.

He was panting, trying to hold himself back as she kept jerking him off. Lightly touching her clit as all his attention focused on not cuming so soon.

“It’s okay honey,” she whispered in his ear.

Straddling his thigh then. His hand resting on her clit still as she ground down on him. “Is this okay?” She asked.

He nodded, “yes,” biting his lip so he didn’t explode right then and there.

He felt amazing on her, every time her hips ground down her clit rested right between his fingers perfectly to gain the perfect amount of friction back and forth.

She let herself go, bucking her hips and moaning as she stroked him with one hand. Resting the other behind her neck so he could look at her boobs perk up again, sending him so close to the edge he almost jumped out of his skin.

“Fuck,” he gasped. “C-an I?”

“Cum baby,” she gasped. Following her own instruction as she watched the cum burst from him, shooting up over her fist as she stroked him through it. Grinding against him as she whimpered, “fuck, I love you,” leaving her mouth.

Letting go of his dick as he started to whine, she dropped down against him with her face nestled into his neck.

She kissed him, over and over again. Peppering them against his skin for the best orgasm she has ever had.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close against his skin as he came down from the high. His chest heaving as he tried to calm down, only picking up again when she heard the sob.

“Shhh,” she whispered against his skin, letting him hold her tighter against him as he cried. “I love you, honey, it’s okay. I’m here for you.”

She felt the tears welling in her own eyes, overwhelmed with her feelings for him. “I love you so much Spencer,” she cried against his skin, the tears dripping down his neck slowly.

His hands ran over her back, they held each other while they cried.

Everything from the last week finally catching up with them both. They hadn’t taken a moment to talk about any of it, the fact he was even in prison or what happened after. They just moved on, pretending it was fine now.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered finally.

“Me too,” he pressed his hand onto her cheek, freeing her from his neck as she sat up a little.

Both of them still gross from the sex, pressing sweaty foreheads together as they took a moment. “I’m so sorry,” she emphasized, “are you okay?”

“I’m wonderful,” he laughed at the absurdity. “I’m crying because I love you so much.”

“Really?” She laughed too.

He nodded softly. Kissing her nose as she pulled back to look at him better. “I want to touch you but,” she laughed at the mess on her hand and where she rested it on his chest. “Can we pause for one sec?” She couldn’t stop smiling.

The two of them continuing to laugh at the situation as they cleaned up in the bathroom, laughing even harder as she sat to pee like they had been married for a million years already, laughing the hardest when it came out in dribbles from all the laughing.

Going through every emotion in the book as they coped with the insanity together.

Once they were clean they crawled back into bed. Resuming almost the same position as she sat down on his lap, holding his face in her hands like she wanted to. Rubbing her thumbs on his cheeks as he pulled her in closer by her hips.

“Tell me what you’re feeling?” She whispered.

“I’m happy, you saved my life and I can’t believe I get to do this with you,” he explained softly, moving his hands on her back. He talked with his hands, not able to say anything without them moving.

“You’re the best person I’ve ever known, Spencer,” she reassured him.

“Why?” He asked softly. “not in a pity party sense, I just want to know how you feel. You haven’t really told me, I’ve been waiting for you to open up, I thought maybe you were just like that because it was your job, but I want to know you more.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she bumped their noses together. “I don’t normally talk to people, even with Derek I’m really closed off. But I do trust you, and I want to, I just wanted to experience you when you’re free. I wanted to see if this overwhelming ache in my heart would dissipate as I was allowed to love you.”

She didn’t want to cry again. Blinking so the tears rolled back behind her eyes, licking her lips as her head tilted slightly. She just stared at his honey eyes, glossy and blown out. So absolutely beautiful.

“It got worse,” she laughed slightly. “I realized that now that you’re free you don’t have to see me every day, luckily you want to. But, now I think about losing you instead of keeping you safe.”

“Never,” he shook his head, face still cupped in her hands. “I’m never leaving you, you’re going to need a restraining order if you want to break up.”

She laughed, pushing the tears out, finally. Spencer kissed her cheeks, wiping the tears away with his lips. “Okay,” her voice broke as she tried not to cry anymore.

“I love you,” Spencer whispered. “You’re brave and kind, incredibly smart. You’re willing to do whatever it takes for the ones you love, you’re the only person I want to talk to every day.”

“I was going to say that about you,” she pressed their lips together finally, pushing him back against the headboard.

She laid her head on his shoulder, cuddling into him as she sat in his lap, “I have never loved anyone like this.”

“Me either,” he admitted as he pressed his cheek to her head. “Not even with Maeve, or Derek I know he told you.”

“And your mom,” she smiled. “She actually welcomed me to the family, said she always wanted a daughter. It’s nice to have a mom again.”

That broke him, he finally dropped the tuff boyfriend act he was putting up to hear her feelings, crying at his mother and the love of his life being close. She could tell he was a mamma’s boy, they had a bond Y/N wished she could have with someone. The closest she had to a Diana was Derek, as funny as that was.

She let him cry, not prying into it at all. Letting him take control of his emotions and the conversation. She ran her hands up and down his arm, soothing him softly as he held on to her.

“I was so scared,” is all Spencer says.

“I can imagine.”

“No, I mean about my mom,” he corrects her softly. “I thought the second she got her diagnosis that I ruined everything for her. She was going to forget me before I could even find a person to marry, let alone give her grandkids.

‘She was going to forget me,’ echoed in her mind as she wrapped her head around what he was saying. He was more terrified of losing his mother and missing time with her than he was about being in prison. He really put every ounce of his love into his family, it was beautiful.

“I applied to work at the sanatarium,” is how she answers. “They needed a GP and I need a job. This way I can see her every day, and you can go to work or teach or do whatever and know she’ll be okay. And old people seem nicer than cops and criminals.”

“I love you.”

She laughs, kissing his neck softly. “She’ll be okay, we’ll get her taken care of and who knows, maybe we’ll have more answers before a grandkid rolls around.”

It’s a risk, joking about having kids with him already. But she was ready for a life sentence with him, willing to stay in that god-awful prison as long as he was there. Including if he lost his case.

“You’re too good to me.”

“I try,” she smiled. “You’re pretty fantastic yourself, I didn’t just fall in love with your pretty face, sure you’re helpful and do what I say. But I love you because of what’s in here,” she ran her hand over his chest.

He just held her, silence encapsulating the room finally. The record stopped playing in the living room, no one was on the street at this time of night, the world stopped as she laid in his arms.

The Sunday morning sun was going to start coming up as she stayed up in his lap, both of them settling more against the pillow. She had no plans to get off him, he had no plans to separate from her loving embrace.

a/n: still working on an epilogue idk when it'll be done

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