#.no wonder i dont feel like i have control over my life or any part of it.

[sleebyconfy]

..

[snekdood]

i hate when a bitch like my sister thinks she knows everything about me in spite of never personally interacting with me on a deep level in any capacity and only getting glimpses of my life from. sneakily reading and looking at my art in notebooks.

[bloodbankzz]

ive been in a very questionable mental state recently

[tarotenchantress]

Astro observations ptVI.

"I didn't do anything🐈‍⬛️"

DO NOT PLAGIARISE MY WORK🚫

All these observations are based on my personal observations

By tarot enchantress🧚🏻‍♀️

The following observations are on those placements that may indicate being falsely accused or being looked at with suspicion and mistrust, that may make a person feel as if others only view them as a scape goat.

🐈‍⬛️ saturn aspecting ascendant, saturn in 10th house, saturn aspecting 10th house, saturn aspecting mc, saturn in 7th house, aspecting 7th house, saturn aspecting sun, capricorn rising. Capricorn sun, in capricorn, capricorn degrees, in 11th house, aspecting 11th house

Saturn makes a person work hard for appreciation like even the most basic thing like aknowledgement seems like a task for saturnian placements. These placements might make a person prone to being accused of trying to "take over" work and their boss's positions, they may be viewed as sinister social climbers who are selfish and dont care much about others feelings. They may be prone to being used as a scapegoat as they tend to for most parts, demonstrate a submissive attitude towards those in authority and are scared of having their reputation being ruined which may mean that their coworkers may make them the scapegoat to escape work or make them do most of the work. Another manifestation could be that when young, saturnian placements may be lazy and rebellious which may mean that others would use then and blame them for the failure of any work. People also tend to wait on these placements to fuck up. GOAT for a reason tho🐐 they may also be (esp women) accused of being gold diggers and only going after status and position. In their romantic relationships, they may be accused of being too robotic or practical and may be criticised alot by their partners. Adv for this placement is to be choosy with partners and dont worry about lazy twats who fuck their own pillow and then sleep on it bother you💗💗 oh and the children may be loners even adults. The boss's may be very critical of these placements too and harder or harsher with them which in the long run also makes them stronger which is required for authority. Most od the time end up in authoratative positions and face envy and criticism.

🐈‍⬛️ saturn in cancer, aspecting 4th house, in 4th house, in cancer degreez, aspecting moon, moon in capricorn, in capricorn degrees

The black goat of the family. Normally feels distant with family and may feel excluded for most parts. May feel misunderstood and family may not aknowledge their hardwork or achievements. They may also be called words like selfish from a very young age and face criticism and control from their parents especially mother figures or feminine figures. Another loner placement as they may feel emotionally misunderstood or lost. Also may feel as if they have to bear the burden of thier family problems that can be generational too. May be the least favoured child of the family. Scolded the most too and disciplines the most too. May be given chores to do from a very early age. Mayhavebeen told that life is not fair from a very early age.

I have saturn in cancer and saturn conjunct my moon and i have always felt like i had to hide my feelings to be the bigger one in the house and look after everyone.

🐈‍⬛️ uranus rising, in 10 th house, aquarius rising, aquarius sun, aqua in 4th house, in 11th house, asoecting 11th house

Similar effects as the saturn points. Uranus tends to make a person unique but also odd one out may make a person feel as if they just dont fit anywhere and people dont understand them. May also feel as if people make fun of them or view them as an object of entertainment and wonder and mocjery at times. People may also regard them as the "weird" one and use them as a scapegoat in social setting. Like it may happen that mostly your friends may start making fun of you or mocking you in social settings just to "make things lighter". Make you the butt of the jokes. You may feel as if you just dont fit in a specific group. Like ik aqua is associated with groups, community and all but i also feel as if people with these placements tend to feel invisible here and there. Neglected even. Also, you may feel that youre surrounded by ungrateful people.

🐈‍⬛️pluto in 10th house, 1st house, aspecting 10th house, aspecting ascendant, aspecting 1st house, in capricorn degrees,in aquarius degrees, aspecting sun pluto in 3rd house, 11th house., in virgo degrees, gemini degrees, in 7th house, in libra degrees, in libra.

These placements attract alot of attention and obsession from the public. You may not even know about it but you do. You could consider tourself the most boring person. But you attract attention. Sometimes it is overt and sometimes it is secretive. You may feel abandoned by people in general. People may envy you criticise everything you do, pass snarky comments, act fake with you or act egoistic with you, gossip about you, they nay approach you only to gain popularity and to say that they associate with you. They may criticise your career, work ethics, dreams, goal, ambitions, and they may even befriend you just to know your secrets, turn around on you, backstab you and steal what belongs to you. May even try to "humble" you down. You may be sexualised alot and swear alot too. You may try to avoid attention for most parts and may be considered bitchy. They may accuse you of seducing their partners or random men, being attention seeking, being a whore, sleeping your way to the top. Classic slut shaming placement. Oh you may also be excluded because your romantic associations like ppl may demonise you for it and also be obsessed with your partners. also your partners may accuse you of cheating. Also people may spread romours about you.control issues can be seen. People may try to control you and once you stop giving in, thye shun you and accuse you.

I have pluto in 3rd house and as a child i was accused of being a liar and was constantly made fun of and used as the butt of the jokes even by parents.

🐈‍⬛️ chiron aspecting saturn, 11th house, 10th house, sun, in 3rd house, in gemini, in virgo, in gemini or virgo degree, aspects to asc, mc, in 1st house, cap degrees, in cap, aqua degrees, in aqua.

Chiron shows where our deepest pain lies. You may feel like youve been rejected by the people around you time and again. You could have been excluded from groups or msy have felt as if people in groups dont care about you. Your reputation may have taken a hit due to your friends and they may hurt you or accuse of doing things that youve not done. Thye may try to use you as a scapegoat to exclude you from socisl settings or more "fun" things. They may even make you do alot of work in the name of friendship and become extremely ungrateful towards you. Usually rejected and used as a scapegoat because of your goal, ambitions, intellect, uniqueness, work ethics, association with authoratative figures and success.

🐈‍⬛️ mercury ruled folks. Gemini sun, moon, asc, mc, in gem degrees, virgo sun, moon, asc, mc, in virgo degrees, 6th house placements, 3rd house placements, aspecting chiron.

Mercury governs communication, 3rd house governs neighborhood, school, early education, virgo and 6th house rule service orientation.

These placements may want to be a part of a community and be "useful" to the people around them but heres the thing, they may often be accused of lying [esp gemini and 3rd house] may be accused of being double faced and tricksters, flirts and mentally unstable. Virgo placements and 6th house placments are more service oriented and prefer to help and be useful to the people around them but they may be accused of being nags and jealous. They may be accused of again, stealing work, being strict and jealous, idk why i heard sometjing related to purity and "better than thou" maybe some of yall are getting accused of that too. People may use you as a scapegoat by taking credit of your work, making you work harder taking advantage od your shy and friendly nature and of your non confrontational nature. You may feel as if people just mock you, or ignore you and try to take credit of your work and soread rumours about you. Also people may call you stupid, or thing you have some mental ailment and if you do, they may pick on it and mock you

🐈‍⬛️mars in 10th house, 1st house, aspecting 10th house, aspecting ascendant, aspecting 1st house, in capricorn degrees,in aquarius degrees, aspecting sun pluto in 3rd house, 11th house., in virgo degrees, gemini degrees, in 7th house, in libra degrees, in libra, in aries, sun in aries, moon in aries, in aries degrees [sun moon, asc, mc]

This placements may trigger people to compete with you. They may accuse you of being too dominating, may accuse you of being gostile, aggressive and may even try to act like that towards you. They may try to act authoratative towards you. They may get easiy irritated with you and pick on your body alot or your stamina and leadership qualities. They may try to use you as a scapegoat by painting you as a non cooperative person who is always trying to dominate others and is temperamental and aggressive. Also your Nger could be like a fuel for others, they may constantly try to pick on it to make you look crazy and feel entertained and to gossip.

I have mars in 7th house and i have always felt that people only try to test my temper because they are bored and because it gives them an adrenaline rush.

🐈‍⬛️lilith in 10th house, 1st house, aspecting 10th house, aspecting ascendant, aspecting 1st house, in capricorn degrees,in aquarius degrees, aspecting sun pluto in 3rd house, 11th house., in virgo degrees, gemini degrees, in 7th house, in libra degrees, in libra.

Same effects as pluto but make it even more intense and add an effect of being shamed and bickered with repeatedly. People may try to control you and mold you. Being shunned. Also add an effect of increase in being sexualised

🐈‍⬛️neptune in 10th house, 1st house, aspecting 10th house, aspecting ascendant, aspecting 1st house, in capricorn degrees,in aquarius degrees, aspecting sun pluto in 3rd house, 11th house., in virgo degrees, gemini degrees, in 7th house, in libra degrees, in libra, in 12th house, in pisces.

Neptune tends to create a haze and confusion where ever it sits. This means thar people may not trust you immediately. Some may accuse you of playing dumb, may accuse you of being coniving. Accusations of being a wolf in sheeps clothing. You may be used as a scapegoat by people because they might think youre too stupid or you play dum, are too sleepy or lazy and have hidden agendas. They may also target your memory alot. Accuse you of being forgetful and may try to gaslight you.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Howdy!!! I was wondering if you could write about S/O asking their clone lover if they would get a vasectomy? I've never felt comfortable with birth control, with it having side effects and the chance of not working. But vasectomys seem very effective and are reversible! If you dont feel like doing all of the clones, you can just do the bad batch! Or just Crosshair, he's my favorite 😍. If you're not comfortable writing this, I totally get it! Thanks for reading my ask anyway! I love your writing!

Crosshair's my favorite too 😊

But let's throw all the bois and batch into this one... Except for Echo, who I headcanon to not have a fertile/working *ehem* member, so no worries on that front if he's your partner. Let's sub him out for... Gregor? Howzer? Ooh, wait, how about Bacara!

[18+ only below the cut, please and thank you]

Cody, Rex, and Kix are totally fine with this plan. Whether you don't want kids yet, ever, or any more, they will always defer to you in these matters. They don't have strong preferences and simply want you to be happy. If you're more comfortable with them getting sterilized over the alternatives, then your wish is their command.

Tup, Dogma, and Tech will want to do some research first, and discuss what your goals are with birth control as a couple. Permanent solution or temporary? Short and long term side effects? Cost? Etc. Once you're on the same page and decide a vasectomy is the right thing for your relationship, then they'll gladly do their part.

Jesse, Hunter, and Wrecker will blanch at the idea of getting snipped. They're very, um, sensitive over anything regarding their genital area. Don't get them wrong, they'll still do it for you, of course. But the thought kinda sorta really freaks them out, despite it being a routine, safe procedure. They'll need a pep talk and lots of aftercare to get them through it.

Wolffe, Fox, and Crosshair are actually thrilled at the idea. Maybe not about the process itself, but at the idea of having an effective way of preventing an unplanned pregnancy. The thought always secretly stressed them out. But if all it takes is a simple procedure and then you two can get intimate in whatever way you want with few to no consequences? Deal. Sold. Done.

Fives, Hardcase, and Bacara are also okay with getting the ol' snip-snip, though they will put it off for as long as you'll let them. They don't like the idea of having to take it easy for a while afterward - in their daily life as well as in the bedroom. When they do get it done, you'll have to keep a close eye on them so they follow the recovery plan properly.

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[glass--beach]

Hey I just want to offer some support, plurality is not easy to accept in yourself and more common than people think. Whether that matches you or not, that remains to be seen, but there is zero harm in reconceptualizing yourself whichever way helps you in the moment.

You can be plural and not tell anyone.

You can be plural and identify as just one person.

You can be plural and tell some people but not others.

You can be plural in a way that Tumblr really doesn't like.

I'm a diagnosed DID system. My therapist told me something interesting;

Everyone has parts of themselves. My therapist for example, has a part of her that wants to be a good therapist and pay attention to her client and do a good job. And she has another part of herself which wants to be in PJs eating ice cream and playing games. That in itself is what plurality is, as a concept. Everyone has parts. Everyone is plural in some way.

Whether or not you have parts/alters/headmates (whatever your preferred term) isn't the question. Everyone has those, kinda. But for most people, the line between them is very blurred. Most people can choose which one they want to be, or listen to, at any given time.

A dissociated system is someone who can't choose that as easily. Whose parts don't flow into each other and merge and blur like most people's do. The gaps between them are oceans not rivers.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything or tell you how to identify and god forbid anyone mentions syscourse I swear I will kill them with an axe. (Joking for legal reasons).

My point is that I understand the embarrassment and shame and pressure associated with figuring out "whether or not you are plural" and I want to help you speedrun to the part where you accept yourself however you are. If you recognize that there are different parts of you, or other people in there with you, then that's how it is. That's your brain's way of doing self and identity. Don't agonize about being correct. Just do what feels healthy. What helps you heal and function and feel good about yourself.

I know that I felt a hell of a lot better after I accepted that I do have multiple parts and just let those parts indulge in their own interests and hobbies and personalities. We went from constant self loathing to actually loving ourselves as individuals and having fun and making our own friends. The amnesia sucks, the disorientation sucks, don't get me wrong, sometimes life SUCKS. But you really dont need to make it harder for yourself by worrying if you're faking or wharever. Humans are complicated and your brain cells aren't arranging themselves so that they apply perfectly to the rulebook of how the mind is expected to function. You are unique and if you discover that plurality is a more accurate way of thinking about yourself then good on you for working it out.

Sorry if this was unwelcome advice. Im just some guy who likes your music and follows your tumblr and I'm hoping I can save you from at least some of the pains I went through when I started wondering if I were plural. The golden rule is do what's useful for you, not what's in the "rules."

yeah totally, i think feeling that your self is divided and the idea of experience fitting into one “self” is a social construct that is not going to fit everyone’s experience. it’s easy for anyone to talk in terms of having multiple parts in what is mostly a metaphorical sense. for me i have no control over which side is going to take over and they pull me in radically different directions and some of them hate each other lol. like i deal with self hate a lot but it’s occurred to me that that necessarily requires a separate subject and object and there are two completely different patterns of behavior and personalities attached to said subject and object. i feel if what i had seen before as maladaptive habits operate as a fully formed autonomous consciousness with its own wants and needs and even its own positives it makes sense to see it as a different person. ive also started to experience this self as often outside my body, only coming in sometimes. it’s very very weird.

if this is the way i’m gonna look at it then i for sure have at least around four different selves that come in at random, usually for at least a week but sometimes for months and they each contradict the others in a way that has made me very frustrating to deal with for others and made it very difficult to complete projects. it’s like, fundamentally contradictory beliefs, but with consistent enough modes that drawing boundaries around them might help me make sense of my own experience and not get too bogged down with one way of thinking.

[milkemie]

milkemieee hiiiiiii.

I love your content it inspired me to try and love my sims (though I'm incredibly impatient and want to hurry along the storylines). Though I read on one of your answers that you dont like to see your characters as characters in a storyline. so I wanted to ask you, how do you play your sims without getting impatient and without a storyline?

I took one of your advices and started them as teens and they are currently in the phase where they like each other and do cute things together but they aren't officially dating. I'm just excited to get the stage with you shin, mayumi and Maya but that's simyears away. Also how do you maintain friendships with your sims without playing them (are they also a part of your 'storyline") I KEEP SAYING STORYLINE but I was just wondering on advice to play without the need to play God.

Also little extra question I have, what's your opinion on the new game INZOI that's threatening to take over sims? Do you think you'd ever shift to INZOI?

Love your content keep creatinggg

hii!

that's right i don't see my sims as characters in a storyline (as in like characters in a tv show for example) because then i feel like i will have to control their lives & personalities too much it actually didn't take that long for me to make shin & maya date, it only took about 2 weeks of playing before i let them start dating (they were just so into eachother and had already started living together, they wanted to kiss so bad lmao)

now this will depend on if you have expansion & game packs, but i make shin & maya do a lot of activities that i sometimes don't film, like taking the kids to parks & waterparks, going on hikes, going skiing, going to all 3 mt. komorebi festivals, going to restaurants & cafés, making them buy groceries in henford on bagley, making mayumi's pediatrician check her health at home or at the hospital, making hina sleep over at her friends' houses, it's also by doing more and more activities that you learn more about your sims and what they like & dislike

shin & maya don't have many friends but they sometimes hang out with them or invite them over, if your sims are sociable you can try and make them meet new people or make them create or join clubs, shin & maya recently befriended a grandma that lives a few blocks away from them for example, she sometimes comes over to chat and play with mayumi & they sometimes visit her and give her gifts (mayumi loves her cats!) i also think it's great to have your sims enroll in university, i had both shin & maya work hard at university, maya was pregnant so i had to make sure she was okay and i had shin work multiple jobs on the side to pay the bills, now that they have jobs i make them level up their skills especially the ones needed to get promoted at work & make more money to keep improving their quality of life

inZOI

i don't plan on shifting my focus to inzoi content, the game is still new so it lacks a lot of features that i would want (toddlers, pets, more interesting careers etc) but i'm open to trying it when it launches depending on how they plan on making money, i still don't know if the game will be free and have expansion packs like the sims or if it'll be something else entirely i did experiment with the character creation demo, and i really liked the ability to choose any color for your zoi’s clothes, i wish the sims had that instead of limiting us to preset swatches

overall i just think it's great that the sims finally has some real competition, they've had a monopoly for so long that they could sometimes release low quality packs that don't add much to the game, now that they have competitors they’ll be forced to create better packs which is great for us!

[a-town-called-hometown]

hi!! i loved your post about deltarune's metafiction and its (not) escapist themes, and it got my brain jogging, like... i guess ive just been thinking "why"? like ive heard that take before and i think its valid, but also like. why ? its obvious enough to me that deltarune uses the lightner/darkner relationship as a reflection of the player/game relationship and both of these things are addressed critically, but i can't help but wonder if there's a driving force for it all, outside of deltarune. like i can accept diegetically the darkners are not, or shouldn't be, subject only to the whims of lightners, but with any good story if you break it down to its core is ultimately saying something about humanity or the world and such. i mean i seriously doubt the people who seem to think that Toby Fox intends to induce *actual* guilt into the people who fund his life's work and career by purchasing his videogames, like, it's obvious that "you are a bad person because you play this videogame" isn't the intended message, nor was it in undertale. but then, what is? what is the purpose of a story that invites us to think of toys and game characters as "real"? not to trash my beloveds but i mean, literally speaking, their lives DONT matter, they r not real. it just feels like ive seen a lot of discussion about 'what' toby is doing with the narrative but i feel like that's only half the ordeal, the other half would be the reason why. my first thought was that the implicit 3rd thing being compared to the light-dark, player-game thing is actual social hierarchy IRL in which people are oppressed by another group that doesnt see them as human, bc iirc toby talked a bit about feeling powerless and wanting to do more to change the real world on real issues in an interview in 2020ish and of course there's the snarky gag about the fedora plugboy who doesn't like politics, so he doesn't care that an evil ruler is taking over the world. im not sure if that sits right with me as what the intention is (esp because the latter is a darkner talking about another darkner) but i couldnt think of much else although i do feel like a fallacy people get themselves into a lot in the fandom is the assumption that toby fox is this Impeccable Writing Machine and not just like A Guy. people make weird or flawed art sometimes, it doesn't *have* to adhere to standards. maybe deltarune is meaningless (or the meaning IS that it's meaningless, as though to complete the metaphor of it being a "real" fictional world, because if it is 'real' then like our world there is no "answer" or "purpose", it simply *is*.) dunno! im not expecting it to boil down to a simplistic fairytale moral like "dont bully people!!" or something, mr. fox tends to write more convoluted than that, but i feel like if there's something to be gained from this particular part of the game's story then i'm not sure i see the vision. what do u think? do u think this question is even answerable with only two chapters?

respectfully, I do heavily disagree with the notion that good stories necessarily have to say anything about the world or about humanity. one of the reasons I like metafiction is that it usually says something about how stories are constructed, and that's enough for me. there's plenty of stories that have bigger themes that aren't really all that much about human nature, at least, not directly. a story can comment on one specific thing without necessarily making a broader statement about people, you know? not every story has an easily explained moral lesson.

that being said, yes, this plot element is in service of deltarune's larger themes! which are about agency, control, fate, and identity.

deltarune's fate theming and its metafiction elements are a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation given how interlocked they are, but I've found it helpful to describe deltarune as a "person vs. fate narrative that uses a metafictional lens to characterize fate." rather than the three fates of greek mythology or whatever dictating its characters' lives, it is instead the structure of the rpg their world was made to be. they are player characters. they are npcs. they play specific roles in the narrative. no one can choose who they are in this world.

control is emphasized in this story. there's the control we have over kris, of course, and in a much subtler way the control we have over the world through them. there's the darkner-lightner hierarchy, which parallels our dynamic with kris. i would argue that there are even social forces in hometown which also serve to place the lightner characters into specific roles. under this level of control, it's hard for characters to push back and determine their own identities.

all these forces combine to mean that deltarune's characters are fighting back against the narrative itself! which says stuff about people's agency, and the way rpgs are written, and how we interact with all that...

ultimately, you can apply this to real life. even if there aren't things like "fictional people who are actually real," hierarchies of control do exist in real life. narratives that erase the agency and internality of certain types of people exist in real life. it's admittedly a rather general statement, but like with any narrative about fate, seeing characters resist rules that are seemingly written into the fabric of their existence can make you feel inspired to also define your own identity! and to be transgender. don't forget to be transgender

[zombieefish]

okay so there is one specific piece of advice he gives which i have a problem with. heres the quote:

“Fall in love and stay in love. Explode. Don’t intellectualize. Get passionate about ideas. Cram your head full of images. Stay in the library. Stay off the internet and all that crap. Read all the great books. Read all the great poetry. See all the great films. Fill your life with metaphors. And then explode.”

which, that advice is MARVELOUS. that is grade A advice right there. however, i have a problem with the “stay off the internet” thing…the internet is my HOME. i physically cannot stay off of the internet no matter how much i try. id set a goal, and then go right back. the internet is where all my friends are, i cant leave!

but the internet is also home for a lot of my ideas, or the source for a majority of them. now, i understand he probably meant social media. however, there are so many good medias to explore!!! without the internet, there wouldnt be the object show community! there wouldnt be any object shows at all! if youre not brainrotting yourself and slowly wearing away and eliminating your brai. cells, the internet can be a good place to get and share ideas, as well as inspiration…

also, he said to fall in love and stay in love? im aroace…/j staying and being in love is a hard thing to do, not something we can really have control over. /j again (i get what he means and hes right)

i dont have a library. i cannot go to a library. unless you want me to go for a one hour drive, the school library is only open on mondays, and they dont send us any longer anyhow. so im going to have to rely on yhe internet for ebooks, or buying books, or going to barnes and noble. which im not particularly against…i love barnes and noble ❤️❤️❤️

i cant really understand what he means by “dont intellectualize”. dont get smart with it??? what??? in my humble opinion, i think any piece of media is GREAT when it has references or easter eggs or far-fetched implications or any of that stuff!!! it shows that you really care about what you do, and its even an opportunity to learn sometimes…

but in the end, thats just me. i mean this guys was born in the 1920s and died in 2012, i dont really know what i could have expected. also this isnt an attack on ray bradbury, i love him, and hes a great author. and i also love this specific piece of advice that he gives…i like how hes encouraging people to find inspiration, and to get started on things. you dont need permission. uou dont need permission to expand your interests and literacy. and you know what?? poetry is cool. books are really cool. films are cool. and inspiring. so im glad that he got that message out there

writing this while eating digestives there's probably spellingmkstakes

the internet can be a wonderful place, you're right!! making friends on here is something that people enjoy doing, and gives some people the sense of joy, talking to these people

it also comes with so many forms of media, circulating all around the world — so many shows, so many pieces and bits that make up a full puzzle, and some strive to complete their own puzzle when they get on here.. the internet has so many wonderful things that have been made on here, and a good amount of supportive people to go along with it

fall in love and stay in love is quite straightforward on his part.. when you fall in love, it's like an overwhelming thrush of feelings, and you sometimes feel blinded by these feelings, asking yourself what's next, and why are you acting like this. i think that it's hard to stay in love, especially with the way people generally treat relationships currently — seeing it as more of a thing you do for the thrill rather than the tender experience of love from another person, having the chance to develop into something stronger

but you can always fall out of love.. it doesn't have to be that you always love one person forever, because it alternates for everyone.. some may stay with their first, others are still embarking on that journey of finding that person who they ultimately click with

buying books is great! when you have a book, reading it at a slower pace helps you take the general idea in — adding to your whole world of ideas.. trapping all the information in and nerding out about books and other things is something people should do more

books ARE cool, films are cool.. all these things are cool, and even if someone tells you it's lame, that's them. you taking the time to enjoy these things makes you even cooler, and it's good to have that perspective of where things that are considered 'nerdy' are seen as cool

but that's just me ꒰ · ◡ · ꒱

[pillarsalt]

Seconding that last ask about pretending that gendies' straight relationships are gay ughhh one of my best friends is non binary and getting more aggressive about it lately (meaning that i have to bend over backwards every two seconds to use the correct pronouns, since our language literally doesnt have a neutral one) and i have to hear her rants about how MUCH she hates her disgusting female body and how shes different from a woman bc she doesnt align with feminity and that all her boyfriends have been actually gay for dating her AND pretend 1) that i dont take all that harmful discourse regarding being a woman at heart and 2) that i dont hurt from seeing her like this because i really love her. Its. Exhausting. SORRY this got long i just dk what to do 😭

oh my goddd the whole thing with nonbinary women and the fixation on the men they sleep with being gay because gender... it's crazy, the desire to control the sexual orientations of others seems like a pattern in the trans community, although obviously some are worse than others. I mean it matches the fixation on controlling how others perceive them in their private minds, ie. "we can tell when you're just using our pronouns to be polite and you don't actually SEE us as our stated gender" like anyone's private thoughts are your business? Controlling what we can say out loud isn't enough?

(Kind of a tangent: but a while ago I remember jeffrey marsh making a video with his male partner ((idr if they're married)), talking about how when jeffrey's identity changed from man to nonbinary, the partner's had as well, because he wasn't identifying as gay anymore. He had always perceived himself to be gay, it was a big part of his identity through his life, but he loves Jeffrey, and Jeffrey is no longer a man, and gay men love men, therefore he can't be gay. The guy looked so dejected and jeffrey kept having to persuade him to talk. Does anyone else remember this? I wonder if I can find the video. ((Obviously the straight girls with their gay boyfriends are a very different scenario.)) )

Anyway, I feel your pain, the thing with the pronouns I can't even imagine. The pure narcissism of complicating the simple act of speaking for everyone around you, making sure everyone expends a little extra brain power when talking to or about you... simply because you say so! Boggling.

Unfortunately, as I said on the last ask, not much you can do. It is very very hard to convince someone so entrenched in it to hear you out, and obviously you don't want to lose her, there's no great solution. The best thing you can do is to be there for her if and when she comes around to reality. It might be good if you guys could do some kind of activities together that have nothing to do with gender shit, ideally outdoors. The less time spent scrolling and ruminating, the better. But most importantly, take care of yourself, and don't take any shit either. You seem like a good friend, I hope things work out eventually.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

part one can be found here

Gone - Part Two

Spencer blinked rapidly, his brain feeling life kicked back into it for the first time in two years as he storms into Hotch’s office, barging in without knocking on the door and slamming the piece of paper on his desk. Aaron’s eyes widen as he reads it.

“Where did you-“

Spencer cuts him off. “It was on my desk this morning. You know what day it is, this isnt a coincidence.”

He nods. “We can open the case back up, I’ll inform the team.” Aaron stands to his feet, but Spencer shakes his head.

“No, we cant. Last time we got involved, the unsub went dormant and has only come back 2 years on, when he knows we arent working on the case, when he thinks I’ve given up. He’s taunting me.”

Aaron‘s eyebrows furrow with concern. “What are you suggesting we do?”

Spencer begins to explain. “We have to act like nothing has happened. Im going to keep this note in an evidence bag inside my jacket, but when I walk out of this room we are going to act like we are talking about something completely different. We dont know how much this guy can see, we dont know how he operates, but by sending this letter he’s revealed one thing about himself.”

“And what is that?” Hotch questions.

“He wants to torture me. The first letter was sent to (Y/N)-“ His throat dries up just saying your name, he clears his throat with a cough and continues. “-because he knew that would get my attention, the rest of the letters were then sent to me because he knew I was gripping onto his every word. He wants me to be the only one thinking about this case, he wants to torment me while thinking Im getting no help from any of you. Our best shot at getting more information is to continue to act like nothing has changed, then he might send further clues.” Spencer explains.

Hotch nods. “I understand. This case is completely under your control, I’ll leave it up to you whether you decide to tell the rest of the team about this.”

“Thank you, I’ll tell them as discretely as I can.” Spencer turns to leave, but Aaron has more to say.

“As much as this unsub wants you to feel like this is hopeless, it isnt, Reid. This is a really good sign.”

And for the first time in two years, Spencer cracks a smile. “I know.”

Over the course of the next week, Spencer found ways to inform the team of what was going on. He managed to bring you up in conversation in a way that only one person would recognise. Spencer visited Penelope and he called her adorable, a word that (Y/N) used to describe her every time she saw her. Tears entered Garcia’s eyes and Spencer nodded at her, so she nodded back.

“Adorable, but quiet.” He clarified, and he could see the momentary confusion in her eyes before she made the connection.

“Only quiet when I have to be!” She chirped back, and Spencer knew she’d understood. Something new had happened with you, but she had to keep quiet about it.

“Does the rest of the team know how adorable you are?” He asked, already knowing the answer to his coded question.

“No..?” She said, unsure.

He nodded and smiled. “You should tell them.”

There was no way of telling what the unsub was capable of, whether he was listening or watching, but everyone had to be cautious of what they said. He could tell when the team began finding out through Garcia, because they all gave him knowing, excited smiles.

Sure enough, Spencer’s theory was correct. When he returned from the next case a week later, another note from the unsub was waiting for him on his desk.

“I’ll make sure Juliet knows you’ve given up. She’ll be with me forever.”

That told him you were still alive, he couldnt believe the unsub had willingly given such information out of sheer desperation for Spencer to pay attention to him and give him a reaction. He wanted Spencer to react so that he could go dormant again and torture him further, so Spencer had to act like he wasnt at all excited. He went to Hotch’s office again and showed him the note.

“She’s alive!”

Aaron hugged him and the two man laughed together. The situation was funny in the sense that they were successfully tricking the unsub into giving them more information, but the laugh wasnt one of humour, it was one of relief. Obviously, everyone had hoped that you were alive, but knowing for certain that you were was the best news Spencer could have possibly gotten.

He went to visit Garcia in her office again straight after.

“Guess what else you are Penelope.” Spencer said, accidentally startling her.

“What?” She asked eagerly, knowing he was going to give her another coded message that gave an update on you.

“Adorable...and alive.”

Penelope gasped, standing from her seat and running over to Spencer, who hugged her and hid his beaming smile in her shoulder.

“Thank you.” She replied, acting as though him calling her alive was a compliment, in case anyone was listening.

“I’ll make sure everyone knows.” She whispered to him, too quiet for anything else to pick up what she’d said.

When Spencer came out of the bathroom that day, Derek approached him and pulled him into a headlock that anyone else would have viewed as him messing around with him, but there was so much more meaning behind it. It made Spencer laugh, much like the interaction would have done 2 years ago. It was this hidden sense of things starting to go back to normal, hope restored.

The unsub makes a truly fatal mistake in his next delivery. This time it isnt a letter, but a gift, a small box. Spencer opens it and finds a tape inside. A tape gives a clue to the unsub’s age. Penelope manages to find a tape player for him and he takes it into one of the interrogation rooms. There is no image, it‘s only audio.

“Juuuuuliet, tell him what you want him to know.” The unsub was so desperate for attention that he made no attempt to mask his voice at all.

“You’ve given up.” Spencer chokes upon hearing your voice for the first time in two years. “Im staying here forever. I cant believe you would leave me here.” Your voice was hoarse and you were sniffling, he knows you had been crying.

That was all that was on the tape, so, where is this fatal mistake, I hear you ask? Well, Doctor Spencer Reid is very smart, but the thing is, so are you. At a few intervals in that message, you coughed, and when you did, you whispered things that would be unintelligible to anyone who didnt remember absolutely everything about your voice. And the only person in your life with the memory capacity to recall every single minute detail about your voice, happened to be the one the tape was delivered to.

Notes. That was the first thing you whispered, he knew you were referring to the post-it notes, telling him the man you’d written about seeing was the one who had taken you.

‘15m’ was the next thing you whispered. You likely wouldnt have been able to tell how many miles or metres you had travelled, and the only other value for ‘M’ that was useful in this scenario was minutes. 15 minutes away from your home, you’d counted the minutes it took for you to get to where you are now, and for two years you have held onto that.

Wear, that was the last thing you whispered in a cough, and that was the most difficult one for Spencer to figure out. It took a whole 7 seconds. Were you wearing something in particular? It cant be that. Could you have meant where? But that gives no clue. Ware! As in warehouse! That has to be it!

With no time and nothing to lose, Spencer bolts back to Hotch to fill him in on everything he’s figured out. The team meets at the round table to officially re-open the case, and Penelope starts searching for warehouses in a 15 minute distance from your home. Spencer is beyond frustrated at how quickly Penelope finds where you are, he cant believe that all this time you were held captive by someone foolish enough to only keep you 15 minutes away. But maybe that makes the unsub the opposite of a fool, because even a detail as small as the actual distance between you and Spencer is meant to torture him, knowing that you were so close by all this time is another wound to him. The team pile into separate vehicles, all heading to the same warehouse, and on the way there Spencer begins to overthink. What if you really do think he’s given up? What if you’ve given up on him? What if you dont love him anymo-

Derek nudges Spencer. “Hey, kid, I can see you doubting yourself in your own head just by the look on your face, stop it. She’s gonna have missed you just as much as you’ve missed her.”

The suddenly insecure Spencer looks to his friend for answers. “You really think so?”

Derek smiles. “I know so, she’s always been crazy about you, man.”

This reassures him, and he settles back into his seat with a deep breath, watching the streets blur by as he makes his way to you.

Thanks to the speed they were allowed to drive, the team makes it to the warehouse in under 15 minutes, and they position themselves at different entrances to the building. Derek kicks down the main door and Spencer runs in, gun aimed and ready to fire, but he falters. Because directly in front of him, little more than a few steps away, tied to a chair, is you. Spencer stumbles over to you and collapses to his knees in front of you, pulling you into his arms as you both sob into each other.

“Spencer, Spencer oh my god you’re here, I’ve missed you so much!” You cry, and he’s quick to untie you so that he can hold you again.

“I never stopped looking (Y/N), not even for a second!” Spencer tells you, pulling away enough for you to see his face so that you know he isnt lying, but you can tell he’s not.

“I know, I know! I never stopped believing you’d come and get me.” You reassure him, smiling for the first time in two years, and despite being muddy, bloody, bruised and beaten, Spencer is absolutely certain that you have never looked more beautiful.

An ambulance is called to the scene and you’re assisted onto a stretcher, while Rossi and Derek bring a handcuffed man out of the warehouse. Spencer sees red as he strides over to the middle aged, seedy, stubbly man that held you captive.

“Ah, Spencer Reid, I was wondering when we’d finally meet. How’s my Juliet?”

Spencer is not going to let that smug tone continue to live.

“She is not yours. I’d rather you called her Juliet than her real name, because if you breathed so much as half a syllable of that I would tear you limb from limb.” Spencer seethes.

The monster leans closer. “I ruined her.”

Spencer laughs darkly. “Do you really think that the woman Im in love with would let herself be ruined by some middle-aged, poor-excuse-for-both-a-Romeo-impersonator-and-a-killer, pervert? You underestimated her, and you underestimated me. We won.”

The kidnapper rolls his eyes, but Spencer can tell he’s taken aback. “I wont get much time for this, and once Im out, you’ll rue the day you insulted me!”

“Tell that to the pictures of little girls and boys we found under your bed upstairs! Along with letters about tax evasion, fraud accusations, the list goes on.” JJ calls as she makes her way out of the warehouse with a stack of papers in her hands.

Spencer takes a step closer to the man, towering over him and speaking in a low voice with wrath unmatched. “I dont know what your name is, and frankly, I dont care. You are going to prison for a long time, I will make sure of that. And once you’re in prison, I will find out which one, and I will personally deliver the message to every single one of your inmates that you are a pathetic pedophile low life who thought he could challenge me.”

Spencer turns away from him and starts walking towards the ambulance, but the idiot speaks up again and stops him dead in his tracks.

“She’ll be mine again, Agent Reid, and that’s a promise!”

Spencer is back in front of him in an instant. “I’ll also make sure to inform your inmates that Im the one who broke your nose.”

The scum frowns in confusion. “What?”

And just like that, Spencer’s swift right hook pummels the man’s nose.

“It’s Doctor Reid.” He tells him, voice low.

“For the record, we’ll say that happened when we arrested him.” Rossi says, and Derek nods.

Finally, Spencer runs back to you, sitting at your side in the ambulance as you lie on the stretcher. You smile at the sight of him.

“Hey love.” You greet him

“Hi sweetheart, sorry Im late, I had to break someone’s nose.” Spencer replies, his voice far softer than it had been a few seconds ago.

You chuckle and take ahold of his hand. “Of course you did.”

Spencer’s hands wrap around yours and bring it to his lips so that he can kiss each of your knuckles, so softly you barely feel it, but you do. Placing your hand against his clothed chest, you raise an eyebrow.

“Did you start wearing necklaces while I’ve been gone?”

Spencer’s eyes widen as he realises what you’re referring to. “N-No!”

Your curious expression intensifies as you reach around his neck to tug the chain out from under his shirt. “Then what’s-oh my goodness, Spencer...what’s this?”

In your hand is the engagement ring that Spencer planned to give you, and has been wearing every single day since you were taken.

“I-I was planning to ask before, but then everything got in the way and I was going to ask once I came back from that case, and then you were gone so I kept it because I didnt know what else to do with it and it felt like part of you was with me even though you’d never even seen it let alone worn it but I dont think this is the right moment to ask so maybe if we just-“

“Yes.” You cut him off.

Spencer feels all words escape him, and all he can manage in response is a stuttered, “Wh-Wha?”

You giggle. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Spence.”

Attempting to lean up on your arms to reach him, you hiss and fall back down in pain, but Spencer catches you before you hit the stretcher and lowers himself to capture your lips with his.

You passed out from exhaustion a few moments later, and Spencer sat beside you holding your hand as you slept. She wants to marry me, the words repeat themselves in his head like a mantra, and he finds himself utterly dumbfounded. How he managed to woo a heart as beautiful as yours, he doesnt know. He beamed all the way to the hospital but naturally, the moment you woke up, Spencer was sure he’d misheard you.

“Are you positive you said you would marry me?”

“Yes, Spence.”

“Do you actually want to marry me?”

“Yes, Spence.”

“Are you completely and utterly 100% sure about that?”

“Spence.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

[cohandshake]

I’m aware that this is going to be a horrendously unpopular opinion—which is why I’m doing it on a dead side blog rather than my main

I honestly don’t understand people who listen to artists whose whole shtick is “I’m an awful person and everyone I know leaves me because I use and abuse them”, and then are shocked when the artist turns out to be an awful abusive person. Like, what were you expecting?

I keep seeing all these people saying “well, how was I supposed to know he was bad? How was I supposed to be able to tell?” And then they’re all like “ohhh woe is me, I can’t believe I loved these albums! I’m going to have to get rid of all this stuff I got and completely rearrange my whole life!” Like??? If you liked the songs so much that your whole room is plastered with posters and merch… surely you listened to the lyrics??? At no point was he ever trying to hide the fact he’s like this, it’s all over his songs.

One thing that also gets me, it’s that everyone is now like “if you support or like his stuff you’re a terrible person” and like. That’s valid. But YOU liked his stuff where he made no qualms or effort to hide this, before. Does no one have any kind of critical thought? Like, when you hear the lyrics, you just think “oh yeah, this is a totally normal line” and move on? To say that “oh he tricked all of us into listening and liking his stuff and being a rabid fan”, like you weren’t tricked. The only trick he played was being a “hot guy online” that everyone seemingly collectively decided was great because of that.

or is it being faced with the actuality that’s horrifying? by your own logic, you’re also just as complicit. — this isn’t to say that I don’t understand standing in solidarity with victims that have spoken out, and the purging of his work being part of that. I just think it’s a little hypocritical to get on your high-horses and say everyone is a peace of shit if they don’t immediately disavow his stuff, since the signs have been there from the start.

And this also isn’t to say that I didn’t like his music. I did and I do. In fact, I only know of him BECAUSE of his music (I found him when he was still covering pat the bunny and wingnut dishwashers union). I’ve had no illusions of him being a good guy, and still consumed his work— did I know just what kind of piece of shit he was? No. Maybe because I’ve only known him for his music that makes me so critical of most of the reactions. I didn’t have the chance to be pulled in by a “nice guy act” online like so many people seemingly have.

Speaking of his online personas, it does make me wonder how no one apparently thought he was bad before this? Like I’ve read some fics (not enjoying Minecraft doesn’t mean the fics aren’t good) and people generally and routinely portrayed him as this manipulative, erratic, controlling guy — even when writing him as the good guy, they still always included elements of these personality traits in the work. And now, I see artist after artist discontinuing and deleting works (and if this is what makes them feel better, fair play) saying that “they cant continue writing/drawing his character now they know the truth about him” but at the same time they were always so vocal about “I write about the c! not the cc!” Like if you were truly separating the character from the actor, would so many of you be speaking this way? Looking at the rampant amount of Harry Potter fanfics (not even starting on the manacled debacle), then no — the artist and the work are only connected when it’s live action amateurs.

And also, if you’re THIS distraught over some guy YOU DONT KNOW turning out to be terrible, get some help, that’s not normal i don’t think — or it shouldn’t be, the internet and social media has normalized being strangely attached to strangers and celebrities that you otherwise wouldn’t be.

[wackpedion]

Hallo chaaaa☆

Saw your post, time to send ask 🏃‍➡️ Actually more like i just send whatever in my mind right now

Kodaka once said (on bsky, although not canon, it is still fun to think about) that Seth's childhood had similarities with Jataro's.

I wonder how toxic is his family

maybe he was scolded when he was young, which led to him panicking when he heard adults/people with more power (priest, Yomi) scold him? Or is he subjected to cold violence because of the creed "silence is golden" and he suppresses his feelings of wanting to express himself?

What do you think about this?

Link to the post in case you need recheck: https://bsky.app/profile/kazkodaka.bsky.social/post/3koc6n22qwu27

YEAH I SAW THAT !!!! it drove me sososo insane when i first saw it because I always headcanoned that Seth had a rough homelife/childhood and turns out its canon......... im a prophet

anyway I havee . thoughts, on his family. I imagine that his parent's verbally abusive, similiar to Jataros. They were probably also pretty absent too seeing as that's a notable part of Jataros homelife. additionally the creed doesn't paint a very welcoming picture, encouraging silence and coming off as controlling, and I imagine his parents were strict over the creed

youu're like totally right about the thing about people in power, i imagine because of his upbringing he has a complicated relationship with authority figures, having been conditioned to do as they say and follow orders and please them while also having been consistently mistreated by them throughout his life

also random sidenote but I think of his family as being rich and prestigious

I also think Seth has siblings, not for any specific reason but rather that if someone has a child they're likely to have more than one so it just makes sense probability wise. I would say he has like... 3-4 siblings ? I dont have a solid headcanon for it though. I imagine the relationship amongst them would be very competitive, partly because of their home environment encouraging it, with them fighting to be better than the other and get validation/approval from their parents.

Imm not sure if Seth would be like, the eldest or youngest or somewhere in the middle, I kind of want to make him the eldest just for that eldest daughter syndrome. That and by making him the eldest you could headcanon that his parents choosing to have more children was because they wanted to have 'normal' and 'right' kids, unlike Seth who is sickly.

Speaking of Seth being sickly, I headcanon that he's disabled (specifically that he has Vocal Chord Paralysis, which often causes someone to have a whispery voice) and like probably autistic and/or chronically ill. I imagine that this makes his family see him as incapable and helpless, despite also holding him to high standards. this would lead to frustrating and upsetting situations for Seth and would noot help his confidence at all thats for sure

Uhmm thats it for now!! I mean I could probably say more but oughfj this is already pretty long so . I hope you enjoyed my hcs and rambles!!! and thanks for the ask :3

[kindred-spirit-93]

Sup, it's me again

I just wanted to share my interpretation of Zeus' power as the King of the gods in context to the story.

Being the top god comes with major perks. You get to choose your own domains, plus you get to decide what roles the other gods play too. There's something about being a god that makes them super invested in their domain - to the point where it's easy to manipulate them. As the head honcho, you have total control over your own life.

Zeus knew how to use this power to his advantage. He rewarded his favorite daughter by making her the goddess of wisdom and strategy. Apollo got a promotion from disease and health god to rockstar status. On the flip side, Zeus made Poseidon, Hades, and Persephone as sea and underworld deities to keep them away and made Hera goddess of marriage - basically, a way to keep her more manageable.

The Olympians I imagine are fairly new to the pantheon compared to the older titans and primordials. In comparison the Olympians didn't really create anything, instead they helped nurture and raise society. They are more sociatal deities than nature ones. War, marriage, agriculture, smithing, "beauty" etc

I wanted to study classics but I couldn't really pursue a higher education in my situation, so now I use my knowledge to make hypothetical webcomics lol

hello again!

hereby dubbing thee astron (from greek for star) in part because its thematically fitting lol but also since to me you have set urself apart from any other anon ive ever interacted with and idk consider it a gesture of acquaintanceship through the anonymity ^-^

i feel so stupid for realising that the way i percieved gods in pantheons was them having an inherent affinity to their domains lol, its only just struck me now that nope they were probably clean slates and have been assigned to roles. i wonder if this is the result of their individual myths? like artemis assisting leto's birth to apollo (if theyre even twins before the hellenic age idk what the parameters are here lol. anyway)

that said, i very much agree with ur interpretation, its what makes sense most to me tbh. and for that special sauce layer of symbolism and personification (another favourite thing of mine in the mythos!) it fits nicely for the (self appointed) king of the gods to do as he pleases in terms of distribution, though i do like that he drew lots with his brothers to decide who got what lol.

--

manipulation and power imbalances my beloveds! if i ever get to writing anything its gong to be about the darker subject matters for sure. idk why but i really want to see more mythos accurate gods where they arent downplayed or censored the way they are in modern media, especially when its at the price of other gods yk? idk ill elaborate later one day but ye, more gods that dont conform to our human code of morals & ethics and do what they please bc who dares defy? whos going to hold a diety accountable?

very interesting! i like the idea of zeus being a little too self assured, probably bc he was raised by gaia and was the object of the prophecy that foretold his fathers downfall (major youngest sibling energy lol) ig what im saying is that power got into his head, going down the path many kings are known to do. hello hubris!

yes yes yes!! i think with the age of the olympians humanity started to flourish.. like with apollon being the god of civilisation and what have you mortals got a kickstart after being wiped out by previous wars and made to start from scratch. and so naturally the gods where more specific to their needs, like hestia goddess of the hearth and the home etc.

also the fact that legends and folklore tend to reflect the norms of society at the time, so with more stable conditions and a fairly peaceful olympus, folks would have time to settle down and begin weaving tales and answering the biggest questions in life (bc up until that point everyones been on survival mode, so ig it reinforces the idea of the olympians bringing prosperity and stuff as opposed to previous generations of the entities TM)

--

ah i see. well i hope things turn out to your favour and that you can achieve all what you dream of. wishing u all the best till then and beyond :)

[multishipper-baby]

heyyyss !! dont know if youve talked about this before but i know you have an interest in eakoweddy and/or eakowededdy and i was wondering...

what is your vision of freddeak? (i dunno what theyre called.. sorry) i mean. i can imagine fredeak and eakwynn dynamics but i have some trouble thinking of a dynamic for freddy and eak so i wonder what YOU think of them. im really curious !!

-Vibrates- YES I can absolutely tell you about my freddeak dynamic! I have a lot of thoughts about them, both as a duo and as part of my OT3/4 madness, so I’ll try to explain all that a little. Warning: this is very long and rambly. I'm sorry if you wanted a short answer lmao.

How the ship happens

With this ship, we have a few interesting narrative points we can explore:

Eak is currently working with Owynn in his quest to find shadows, so he’s an antagonistic figure in Freddy’s life.

Eak doesn’t know Freddy has a shadow yet, and Freddy doesn’t know anything about the villains' plans, which means neither of them are aware of their antagonistic relationship yet.

Eak doesn’t actually want to work for Owynn or hurt anyone, but instead is doing it out of a desire to help Cami. This means he’s very likely to betray Owynn if given the opportunity.

So, what can we do with all this? I think it would be very interesting to explore the possibility of Freddy ultimately being the reason Eak decides to leave Owynn’s side, outing the whole plan and leading up to a victory for our heroes. It would be very poetic, I think, for Owynn to lose because someone from his team chose Freddy over him.

But how would we get there? It’s simple- like I’ve mentioned before, we know that Owynn is looking for shadows. Cami is the one who has the magic violin and her ability to control people, but in Ep. 4 Season 2, Owynn asks Eak how the search is going, which leads me to believe that he’s supposed to be doing something offscreen related to finding the shadows. As far as we know, though, Eak doesn’t have any special abilities, so… What is he doing? I like to think he’s the one keeping an eye out for rumors, trying to figure out who could have a shadow through the grapevine- looking for people who talk to themselves, or have odd mood changes, or seem to act differently depending on the day. And because of all this, it’d be easy for him to figure out something could be going on with Freddy, and decide to take a closer look. Especially if he knows Owynn has a special interest in him. So, now we have a reason for the two of them to interact. How would their dynamic work?

I think it would make sense for them to form a very casual friendship, at first- nothing exceptional, just classroom friends. Someone you hang out with at school and like alright, but aren’t close enough to actually invite to your house on the weekends or something. Eak wants to figure out what’s going on with Freddy, but he’s obviously going to look suspicious if he immediately jumps into trying to be best friends after not talking to the guy during most of their school year(s). And with their time together, there’s a chance for things to slowly take a turn.

Eak isn’t evil. He’s willing to do some evil things for the sake of the plan, but it’s clear that he isn't having fun with it the way Owynn is. The only reason he’s even helping with the plan is because he cares so much about Cami, and later, because he’s worried that things going wrong will lead to Towntrap getting hurt. He’s obviously a very loyal guy and, if he even got close to Freddy, I can imagine his loyalty would start getting in the way. So he’d be the perfect character to finally get the animatronics on the loop of what’s actually going on, hoping that they’ll be able to help him (and Cami, and Towntrap) get away from Owynn. I don’t even think Freddy would feel betrayed (although maybe he’d be a bit hurt) by Eak lying to him at first, given how understandable his situation is. I mean, who wouldn’t lie if it’s to save their friends from death? So, they can work together to defeat Owynn and have their little happily ever after.

The dynamic

Okay cool, we have a way for the characters to get close. But how would they actually interact? What kind of relationship would they have?

For starters, I think they would have a good start in the relationship, given the fact that Eak would probably know about Fred from the start- and wouldn't find that all too surprising. Eak is already informed of the shadow world, and of magic in general, so I think he'd be able to help Freddy navigate that part of himself more easily than someone who isn't as aware of it like the animatronics. Not to mention that Eak already knowing who Fred is and what he is means that there's no need for Freddy to hide or feel nervous about him, so that would be a pretty big weight off his shoulders (especially since I think Fred and Eak would get along. I ship them too, after all).

Plus I feel like Freddy deserves someone who's a little too devoted, someone fully ride or die. The animatronics are good and I like all their friendships, but Freddy is always getting dragged into weird shadow stuff and has a villain gunning for him- he needs the guy who would risk his life just to help a friend.

On Eak's side of the whole thing, I think he'd be glad to have someone a little more on his wavelength. Cami and Towntrap are polar opposites in every way- one who's very serious and another that never seems to fully grasp the seriousness of the situation. One who's cold and unfeeling and another who feels things too much. One that's smart and cunning and another who somehow fucks everything up. He loves them, but they're kind of A Lot. Having a partner who's more relaxed, more down to earth could do wonders for him. Someone needs to keep him from going insane, and Owynn definitely isn't going to do that lol.

A thing worth mentioning is how much Freddy teases Fred in Season 2, once their relationship is more friendly, and how much Eak does the same to Towntrap. They would love poking fun at each other and you can't convince me otherwise. They can be a little mean, as a treat <3

Also I have the headcanon that Freddy is touch starved and Eak is canonically very touchy. Freddy who's too shy to say he wants affection x Eak who is so comfortable holding his hand and putting his arm around his shoulders and sitting close enough to touch that he does it constantly. I want good things for Freddy, what can I say?

A tangent about my AU

If you’re not aware, I have an AU called “FHS: Farewell Despair Highschool”, which is a crossover AU with the characters of FHS inserted into the plot of Danganronpa. I’m mentioning this here because working on this AU is actually what really sold me on the ship, so I’d thought it made sense to mention how their relationship works in it. Be warned though that if you haven't played Danganronpa this part might be confusing.

Since the AU takes most of its elements from Danganronpa, I thought it'd be interesting to think about what an actual full game for the AU would be like. Because the entire thing would be completely from Freddy's point of view, all the characters will be filtered through his eyes and they'll need to interact with him for plot and character progression. So, I had to think about how Freddy's relationship would be with all the characters, and how each of those connections would develop as the game progresses and more people die.

During murder investigations, Eak and Freddy end up working together quite often- with Eak being the one that watches over the scene of the crime and examines the corpse most often due to being one of the less squeamish students, while Freddy is the main detective that ends up solving all the cases. Due to this, Eak ends up being on Freddy's side when there's conflict amongst the class, becoming somewhat loyal to him. In his eyes, despite Freddy's flaws, he's still the one that's pushing them all forward by solving the mysteries so far- which means they'd all be dead without him. This becomes especially true given that Freddy's biggest rival is Meg, someone Eak doesn't get along with.

So, our anxiety ridden and zero self-esteem Freddy now has someone on his corner. Eak isn't the only one who's supported him, of course, but by Chapter 4 most of his friends are dead, leaving only Eak and Usagi as his main companions. He feels more confident in his reasoning abilities, given that he's been able to solve everything the game throws at him so far, but emotionally he's breaking down more and more as their numbers drop. He's in need of this small support system he's made for himself more than ever before…

…and then Eak becomes one of the killers. Not to save himself, mind you, but to get rid of all of them. Eak wants them all to die, for a reason he won't specify, but that he assures him is very important. He needs to kill them all for their own good, because he cares about them so much. They need to trust him and choose death. And Freddy doesn't get it, can't understand it, so he lets Eak die to save the rest.

Except he later finds out that Eak was very much telling the truth: he tried to kill them to keep a secret so horrible, so despairing, so awful that it threatens to destroy all of the survivors mentally. But together, they manage to pull through, and find out that everything that's happened to them was only part of a simulation. Which means that they have the chance to reunite with all of the dead students… Eak included.

Now, this AU isn't about freddeak. Not only is it not canon, but it's not even the main relationship Freddy builds in it- that would probably be Freddy and Usagi, or Freddy and Chica, or Freddy and Meg. But I thought the dynamic between these two was very interesting as I examined it more deeply, and I couldn't help but enjoy it a lot. I love the idea of them becoming friends. I love the idea of Eak defending Freddy when he's too unconfident to defend himself. I love the idea of Eak's betrayal, and how it's not actually a betrayal, but an act of love towards his classmates. I love how later learning the truth about what happened reframes it almost like it was Freddy who betrayed him, by not believing in him while Eak always believed in Freddy. I love the idea of them reuniting and working through their awful trauma together. It's very detached from anything canon, but it certainly won me over.

I actually have thought more about their reunion and the “post game” storyline and all that other stuff but that also has a lot to do with a larger group dynamic and both their relationships to Owynn so we'll leave it here for now. But since I mentioned Owynn, how about we transition to…

The larger OT3 dynamic

Okay last section I promise. Now, we'll be talking about my idea for freddeak in the context of eakoweddy (Fred is there too but won't be discussed much because he's got other stuff going on and this is already getting long).

So obviously I like eakwynn and oweddy- just following me for a while will make this abundantly clear. I like a lot of Owynn ships. However, I don't think a lot of Owynn ships would be necessarily healthy. He's the villain, he looks down at others, he's willing to hurt basically every character we've met so far for his own ends… he's just not a good dude. This isn't really a problem for me, as an enjoyer of complicated and toxic relationship dynamics, but it does leave me wondering: if we wanted a ship that could redeem and help Owynn become a better person, what would that look like?

I think Freddy, on his own, would have a good shot at it… but he'd definitely struggle. Freddy, for all he tries, isn't very good at being assertive with anyone that isn't Fred. He's often pushed around or ignored by others, and Owynn is very much used to doing these things. Owynn has also shown so far that he's likely to hide away his true intentions and personality with the heroes, so we don't know how willing he is to show Freddy his true colors. Not to mention the whole “Owynn blames Freddy for some unmentioned transgression and seems weirdly obsessive about his revenge” thing. Very gay, but not very healthy.

On the other hand, there's Eak. He already knows all the worst parts about Owynn, knows all of his flaws and bad intentions. That's one of the main appeals of eakwynn for me, the idea of falling in love with someone after already seeing them at their worst. And Eak is a headstrong guy, who isn't afraid to speak his mind, even when what he wants to say is rude. If Owynn wasn't holding Cami and Towntrap over his head, Eak would definitely call him out whenever he crosses a line. However, I don't think Eak would necessarily be able to really “redeem” Owynn. I always imagined their dynamic as a more mutual thing; Eak makes Owynn a bit of a better person, but Owynn also makes Eak a little worse. See, I think Eak being a very loyal person has the chance of making him a bit of an enabler, too willing to look past the bad behavior of someone he loves and too willing to defend them when he shouldn't. He can call out Owynn when it's necessary… but he might not want to do that.

But the two of them together? I think they would balance out each other's weaknesses. Freddy keeps Eak from forgetting his morality too much. Eak makes sure Freddy is heard and not brushed aside. Freddy shows Eak the best in Owynn, and Eak helps him brace himself for the worst of Owynn. They compliment each other wonderfully.

And they can also work as each other's emotional support. Because of course not everyone is going to accept that they want to date someone that hurt them both. I imagine the animatronics, Cami and Towntrap would be far from thrilled to learn about the relationship. But with both of them dating Owynn, they can talk about him without worrying about judgment from others. They get that part of each other. Bonding over mutual bad taste in guys.

It's nice to have a crazy guy to smooch, but sometimes you want to also smooch someone less crazy. They're each other's less crazy <3 and I think that's gay.

Conclusion: Eak and Freddy should kiss.

[2bit-sunshine]

Hi everyone im danny and im feeling good for once in my twenties. Have been since about may. I cut off an old friend who mistreated my best friend. Ive helped my friends a ton. Im working on a security clearence for work. I am feeling much more confidant driving than i have ever. Ive bern socializing a lot and playing games like i used to. Ive been world building again and spending more time with my dog. Im working on my health and am actually confident in my body in a way i havent felt since i was thin as a waif. But i havent really lost a lot of weight.

The world is bleak and i worry and i hurt and i grieve all the people suffering out there. But right now my life actually feels. Worth it. My life is worth it. I havent thought about how id kill myself in months. I still dont have someone or someones to be intimate with and that hurts as it alwayd has. But im doing better

I am better

Idk. I really thought id be dead this time 12 years a go and i would be too dead to care about anything. I didnt think id be alive before i felt any kind of content or ambition to do more. But here i am. Im feeling content. And i want more too.

I know it sounds cliche at this point. But it does get better. I know it could get worse. But this feeling i have. This happiness? Its worth it. Its worth it to endure the bad times. Because while nothing lasts forever. The bad doesnt last forever either. I think part of it was acceptance of the things i had no power over and the things i could control, i have all the power to do so.

I alsl have amazing friends. I used to think people barely tolerated me and hated me. I spent years being told that if people didnt want me around they wouldnt have me around. I told myself it sometimes but never felt it. Never believed it.

But i do now. I believe it now. You gotta keep telling yourself those words of advice your loved ones give you. They will make sense one day. You will feel them when they are true. Your demons and shadows are not what defines you forever.

I worry so much for my friends who have such troubles still. I worry ill fall back into old habits. I worry some tragic thing is going to show me what im really made of. But it will be okay again. The sun will shine again. The spring will come again, however brief. The birds will sing again. The stars will always shine.

Idk. If youre reading this and having trouble. With yourself or your friends or your lovers or your family. It does get better. It might need time. It might be a long time. Its taken me over 2 decades to feel happy like i imagine i was as a child. And it hurt a lot along the way amd i made so manh mistakes amd fuck ups and lost friends and lovers.

Ive sat by while people get hurt. I wondered if i could even be forgiven for that.

The answer was yes. In a way. And sometimes it was no.

I cant change the past and some things shouldnt have happened. Shouldnt have at all. But they did and here we are. What to do now?

Forward. The only direction that really matters is forward. So forward i go. We go. Youll go.

The most important step is the next one.

You got this friends.