#...yeah that hurt a lot
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#random personal stuff#back on my soapbox feel free to ignore#ALSO it hurts enough feeling like married women my age won't want to be friends with me because I'm not in The Mom Club#but to be told that married women allegedly don't want single friends because single women have designs on their husbands...ouch#I was able to establish that I Would Never and I'm sorry Grandma had one bad experience but#...yeah that hurt a lot#it can't really be true#I hope it isn't#I do have some married friends and I've never felt that they regard me as a threat#but wow thanks now I have one more thing to worry about#(the conversation tonight was a rollercoaster)
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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OKAY I REALLY LIKE HOW HOLLY MIGHT POSSIBLY BE A MUCH MORE ACTIVE AND ALIVE PERSON I WILL JUST SIT IN MY CORNER AND WAIT Warning, suggestive content with Ecliptica and Oscar because apparently I love this ship shipping in the sea WHEEEEEEZE
#marble sky fanart#WHEN YOU FINALLY CAN PROPERLY DRAW WITHOUT CONSTANT DISTRACTION AND YOUR HAND DOESN'T HURT#IT FEELS LIKE HEAVEN#I sit over here thinking about what a goober Holly could be#(Also remembered that Cass had a very disaster character she liked a lot but couldn't show until later. Wonder who it will be)#And also help yeah I'm sorry but looks like I love these two silly/smart killers being all sassy with each other#tapadoodles
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Perceptive kid, I wonder just how much they pretend not to overhear.
#ignooore that a5 bonnie doesnt get the nice resolved versions of their discussions with sif.. i still think they can navigate it eventually#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#the dialogue in this kicked my asssss. trying to balance loop's evasiveness and layered meaning...#to spell it out: it's not that loop is actually *that* worried they'll hurt bonnie. it's that they think siffrin is being a fucking idiot#and being extremely sloppy in their protection of their party by trusting them to not be a loose cannon. THEY simply wouldn't#be that irresponsible if it were them!!! hmph!!! ... because they care. and because they maybe Are a little worried.#they don't want that responsibility. they gave that all up. stop making them responsible again. stop stop stop#and as for the other half of the meaning here: get called out idiot. not on purpose of course. bonnie doesn't know (yet).#but it's a brisk reminder of the hypocrisy (since even if loop makes sly reference to their identity to sif all the time... one must wonder#how often it actually sinks in that that's true....? it must be hard to get your head around when you refuse to admit that your habits and#demeanor have changed so drastically since then. like wtf thats not what i would do! clearly a different guy ! faker !! and yet...)#but yeah idk i think about loop and bonnie's relationship a lot. the one party member i dont think loop could ever bring themselves to be#mean to. because cmon. thats a kid. but still... the emotional distance probably stings even worse than usual.#and once bonnie finds out.... ! well. that emotional distance probably stings. even worse. than usual.
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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Syrens can’t speak on land.
Rain gets summoned and isn’t used to not being able to talk. He’s a deep-sea Ghoul, rarely breaking the surface of the water so he’s only ever gone short periods of times not being able to speak.
Water Ghouls have their own type of sign language so they can commune above water and even under the water if they’re hunting.
When Rain is summoned he is not only silenced due to the amount of time he has to spend above water, but because none of the other Ghouls know sign, and the sign the humans have is different and makes no sense to Rain.
Rain also can’t write been as water, paper and ink don’t exactly mix so he never learned.
He just resigns to nodding and shaking his head and trying to mime as best as he can.
That’s until one day when the Fire Ghoul that has a Water’s name sneaks into his room and raises his hands, making the familiar shapes of infernal sign.
“I’ll be your voice. The voice I never had when I was summoned.”
#for added context Dew got his voice on land after his transition#before then he was also mute on land#but yeah#I have a lot of feelings with non/semi verbal rain#raindrop ghost#the band ghost#dewdrop ghoul#rain ghoul#ghost headcanons#ghoul headcanons#water ghouls#mute rain#non verbal rain#sign language#ghost band#ghost ghouls#water ghoul headcannons#illiterate rain#headcanons#raindrop headcanons#nameless ghouls#syren rain#siren rain#siren#syren#fluffy#fluff#hurt/comfort#fluff and hurt/comfort
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I'd make some joke about s5 spoilers but i think ill just smash my head into the wall instead
#gonna continue feeding the masses (you guys) with more random warm up doodles cuz i am a procrastinating looser#i actually dont care much if they cry or not during the kiss but i DO want one of them crying before it cuz i love hurt/comfort shit#but not a lot of hurt. no more fighting. just a 'one sided' confession scene sort of thing#yeah#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers#byler#/my.art
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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What was Wingdings and Sans’ school life like? especially early on when Wingdings couldn't talk without some sort of translation. Did they ever get bullied?
Not too important for the story, i'd assume, but you just gotta love the little things-
Yeah... this is probably not gonna matter to the story a lot...
BUT I ALSO LIKE THE LITTLE THINGS SO I'LL ANSWER!!
I'm gonna add a keep reading here because I'll probably yap a lot
Okay, so you would assume they would have been bullied... But they weren't!! not really?
Probably in a more realistic world they would have been, but usually, monsters are pretty nice!! (with some exceptions)
SO! I'm gonna talk about how I think it would have gone
Monsters were nice to Dings, friendly! But there was always the inconvenience of not being understood. And Sans was there to help him but I don't think Wingdings liked that, he wanted to do so himself or not at all And as I've said before, at some point, Wingdings gave up on making friendships work, he isolated himself and focused and what really mattered!!
Sans did have friends! But his first priority was his brother, if he had to skip friend time to be with Wingdings he would do that
So he never really made close friends, just friends
Going back to Wingdings, there were probably some mean monsters that did bother him about the dingbat font at some point, but that wasn't a usual thing! Usually, monsters were nice! And though there was definitely a barrier, they didn't care all that much? BUT WINGDINGS DID CARE, HE KNEW HE WAS DIFFERENT TO EVERYONE ELSE AND WHAT THAT COULD MEAN, so why even bother?
When I was thinking about this I remembered that one scene from Meet the Robinsons:
AND JFKFJKDCJDSK
Small Dings was kinda like that
He was usually outcasted, but no one really disliked him?? They just didn't know him at all because he didn't even try talking to anyone
So no one approached or talked to him, if anything they found him intimidating
Sans was there with him the whole time! So it's not like he had no one at all, but uh,,,, yeah
#something like this!#very early on I did think about making it worse? how people treated him? but#monsters are usually very kind#there's exceptions of course#like jerry#everyone hates jerry#but uh#yeah#and I thought#sometimes you just *think* you're gonna be bullied or disliked and avoid people because of that#and realizing you could have made friends with those people if you had just tried hurts more#I'm glad Sans made Alphys work with them#Now wingdings can't avoid interacting with other monsters and realizing it's actually not that bad#Please don't interpret this as me saying he didn't struggle and that he imagined it to be bad#It was definitely bad#not being able to communicate must suck a lot#answered ask
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Ok I'm possibly boutta screw this one up, but, this is one for the writers and the visual artists. This one's gonna get up close and personal too.
Durge Asks - Creator Edition
What or who inspired your Durges design the most? A particular idea or vibe or perhaps another hottie or baddie?
How does their race play into the design? Was it a conscious choice because of the racial features or did you simply enjoy the playstyle or lore?
How do you prefer to portrait your Durge? Do you enjoy them in writing or their visuals more? If you're a writer or artist, would you/have you commissioned someone else before? Would you like to, in case you couldn't yet do it?
How did Durge come to be? Why them? Was it a vibe you tried to capture or a specific visual you wanted to represent? Did you borrow them from previous works or were they handcrafted for this story you have in mind?
Are they a plot device or the driving force? Do they exist to enhance Gortash or has Gortash developed to become the accessory wife? Do they compliment or foil each other?
Personality or looks, what came to you easier?
Is their personal story represented in their overall design? Do they carry any mental scars or physical alterations from the shit that happened to them?
Contradictory or easy to understand, which one applies more to your Durge? Is their design and personality a conundrum, or did you try to keep it as clear cut as possible?
How much did Bhaal influence their design or personality in the end? Did you research lore to purposefully get the resemblance or do you just go with the flow and what feels right for the story you want to tell?
How much of yourself can be found in your Durge? Do you share the same personality, taste, a specific feature? Are they who you want to be or who you used to be? Are they entirely removed from you as a person?
What's your go to medium for their portrayal? Google Docs, a niche notes app, perhaps one specific for writing, Procreate, Clip Studio, MediBang? Hit me with those recs. Do you sometimes mix em up?
OC Art/Stories or shipping content? What do you enjoy the most? What's ur little hidden passion?
Final and spiciest question. How down bad are you for your durge. Would you hit it even though you'd probably not make it out alive?
Ask prev when u reblog, be nice, this isn't strictly romantic, bla bla bla yk what I usually put here. Basically, have fun, go wild, save a fading fandom or smth (yes I copy pasted this, laziness is the great mother of all bad habits and good mothers should be honoured)
Also yes ik I said I'd get to answering asks and they are queued I just wanted to drop this one first so y'all have smth entertaining to do. Time to return to the shadows until I have ideas for these again, aka another temporary retirement lol.
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#durgetash#bg3 durge#durge#dark urge#enver gortash#might as well throw that man in here since Gortash and Durge go hand in hand#did i probably butcher this?#yeah.#but i tried my best to create smth both can enjoy#visual and writing is hardly ever mixed#even though a lot of us do both#or simply enjoy both aspects#and both are important for oc creation#and we all love (to hurt) our ocs dont we?#we need more collabs people#is what im tryna say i guess#artists and writers pls dont come for my throat for butchering this#its all in good faith lol
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I was checking some emotional responses for Laios and was curious if he ever cries at all or if he’s full cold sweat/upset expression guy… I don’t believe he ever full cries but he does very slightly tear up both times Falin is revived :’)
#ref#a lot of times when he’s really going through it he gets very grim and quite rather than outwardly expressive#which - and this is total conjecture - but I feel like in part that might be a thing he learned from his time w the military#idk why exactly I feel that way I guess it’s just how much his expression in the ‘yeah I got beat up by my classmates back then’ panel#reminds me of some of his expressions during the fight w Shuro#which feels like one of the top times I would expect him to push over into crying out of anger/frustration/hurt#anyway. I love Laois :’) my guy….
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a few minutes later:
#this one really hurt i think#like as a very self destructive person this was bad but i think it's bad for a lot of people like i think this is widely applicable#unfortunately anyway#but yeah this part of the ep was A Lot#dimension 20#d20#misfits and magic#mismag#mismag2#mismag 2#misfits and magic 2#brennan lee mulligan#evan kelmp
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Yknow, I feel like Dick not fighting back against the mistreatment of him during the Spyral arc (perpetrated by the batfamily) isn't super surprising from a trauma lens, at least not to me.
I've seen people tend to argue that Dick should've and would've fought back, and I'm definitely not arguing otherwise- but why DIDN'T he fight back??
Personally, to me, his behavior strikes me as fawning. He's not arguing against the shitty things the batfamily does to him or say about him, if anything he's agreeing with them. I could probably really look back over how he acts in B&R: Eternal, but from what I remember, he feels very people pleasing.
And imo this isn't super surprising? Especially if what happened in Nightwing #30 is still fresh in his mind, not to mention Spyral breaking him down and the others lashing out at him, physically and verbally. These things are very traumatizing, and would've changed him most likely. His trauma response being to fawn here makes sense; he Needs the others to work with him, and fighting them on something they won't budge on will only get him hurt. Not only that, but physical punishment seems to be a very real consequence at this time, and Dick is likely in survival mode.
If fawning means he can get his job done and not be physically punished, then it makes the most sense for him to go that route, as sad as it is. His trauma response moving from fight(?) to fawn would be a really interesting thing to explore. After all, Dick said things wouldn't be the same, but we don't know WHAT would change, or if it would even be for the better (since people seem to interpret that to mean 'I'm leaving after this' or similar, which is fair tbh but that statement can mean a multitude of things).
Overall, regardless of how in character it is, I think Dick turning to fawning makes sense in this situation. Being beaten by your father and then repeatedly physically and verbally assaulted by the rest of your family is deeply traumatizing, not to mention everything that is Spyral. If Dick can minimize the damage to himself as much as possible and finish the mission, then it makes sense for him to fawn.
#felix (host)#dick grayson#dc comics#dc#batfam#batfamily#batman#Nightwing#spyral#dick grayson analysis#dick grayson meta#this is just how i read Dicks behavior during that arc#and it makes me miserable tbh#it just reads as like. someone in survival mode#someone who doesn't want to or doesn't have the energy to fight#or doesn't want to be the target of said fighting#maybe I'm projecting but#i do the exact same shit Dick does here#and for me it's all bc i don't have the energy to fight n i don't want to be targeted again#that sort of thing takes a LOT out of you#and Dick dealing with being the scapegoat on top of everything Spyral?#yeah no fucking wonder he fawns lol#esp if being hurt is a real possibility in his mind#just. idk i saw a lot of myself in the times Dick didn't fight#Dick on a normal or good day definitely would've fought i think!#but uhh this is a time where hes being actively traumatized and he's likely in a rlly bad place#it's just easier not to fight at that point yknow?#idk i hope this makes sense loll
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Headcanon that the boys were first introduced to Lou Jitsu through Splinter scrounging up an old movie to watch through a grainy projector. Splinter wanted to hype himself up at the time, to see a version of himself - however fictional - succeeding and being happy.
He watches, and smiles, mouthing along to the dialogue and outright whisper-shouting “HOT SOUUUP!” whenever it comes up.
Nestled in his lap are his four new sons, still learning the world around them and heavily reliant on their new father. They watch with wide eyes how lively their guardian looks, how happy he sounds, and they turn to watch the movie closely. Because, for as young as they were, they could recognize the source of their father’s joy.
So naturally, they come to associate Lou Jitsu with their father’s smile, and in turn, they feel happy themselves. To them, Lou Jitsu will always be a source of joy, and always make them smile, even if they forget why as they grow.
They’re not just movies for the four of them - they’re the distant memories of a warm lap and a smiling face.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rise splinter#rottmnt splinter#I’m in a turtle tot mood#the babiessss#I know a lot of people like to criticize Splinter’s parenting and like yeah he’s not the BEST#but despite his mistakes I genuinely think he did better than what could or should have been expected of him#like anyone else would not have been able to do it#he can be a little negligent and hurtful at times but I don’t think he was as absent a parent as a lot of you say he is#his flaws are there true but again - he loves his boys so much#that being said it’s no excuse for his mistakes and he should be rightfully called out for them#but sometimes I feel like people really overblow his flaws
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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Not justifying Armand, but you don't get through that amount of physical, sexual, emotional abuse, brainwashing, isolation etc to the point of amnesia and dissociation since you're a human child until you're a centuries old vampire (and vampirism amplifies their traumas and emotions) without accidentally reprogramming your brain in a really messed-up way. Specially when you're stuck in a teenage brain forever. This is not someone that lived a safe and privileged life, not even a remotely decent one, and decided to be evil. In many ways Armand forgot or didn't even get to learn what is meant to be human and have a healthy lifestyle and relationships with people. Obviously, it would take him a long time to catch up with his humanity and even develop a sense of identity (one of his many issues too).
#interview with the vampire#the vampire armand#Armand#the vampire chronicles#there's this moment he literally says “I was probably r*ped” so trivially that really breaks me#because everything became so normal he talked about it in a casual way as if he was talking about the weather when it's literally ABUSE#not to mention it damaged him so much he got amnesia and didn't even remember a lot of stuff including names of his family members etc :/#that's why I have a lot of patience and give him grace because he never really had a chance for those first centuries of his life#I mean hurt someone in every possible way as a human AND vampire until a breaking point and they WILL be corrupted#It's kind of cynical to expect them not to and just be a perfect victim tbh but he's getting a lot of character development#And yeah I root for him to find some sense of normal and peaceful life even as a vampire and forgiveness from others and himself bye#Anne rice
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