#...by god!!! its all so promising to have!! and im looking forward for some healing conversation between carlos and andrea relevant to that

[lonestardust]

no because if we get some kind of paralleling conversation of their resolving conversation in 2x04 where they grow through what they go through together even more — where TK tells him that he's fully on board.. and as long as carlos needs.. and reassures him that on a positive note, nothing ever stays the same.. that he's so valid for 'i just want us to have a chance to be us' because TK understands that Carlos has felt unsafe for so much of his life, that he has a very different experience from him as a queer man who has struggled so much navigating a heteronormative functioning world and a family that made it even harder to simply be himself. that it hasn't been so long either since he's found TK, whose love is so right and unconditional and keeps on reaching new phases and so he just wants to savour the comfort of it and be in the moment before there is anyone else to care about.

[mononijikayu]

Hi Kayu~ Just read Bu Wang and first off can I just say, I love the Inuyasha gif 👀 Ive watched Inuyasha like five times so I appreciate the love the anime is given from random corners of the internet

With this newest chapter, I actually never thought of the disagreements of where Hiromi's body was gonna go. In previous chapters, like Night Flower, it was heavily insinuated that the Gojo's had taken back Hiromi's body and put her to rest in the family's tomb, but the fact that her bloody body was incased in ice for DECADES in some crypt in Hida is NUTS. Also RIP the youngest.

I thought the spirit dragon scene was actually really well written, but when I tell you that man introduced himself as kenjaku I GROANED. This MF has got his HANDS IN EVERYTHING

I'm curious on how Hirmoni is gonna show up in the modern day, because everything of the main story is staying the game, so Kenny Boy is in Geto, and as far as we know his technique is to body swap. I swear if Kenny goes in Hirmoni's body and Sukuna literally doesn't give af that it's Kenny and proceeds to live his life with her, bro that'll be actually insane. Love is truly a curse huh?

Look forward to the finale!!! (hope your exams went well too!)- ✈️

hello nonnie!!!

inuyasha is one of my favorite stories of all time!!! im glad that you adore it as much as i do~ i feel like hiromi is inspired a lot by kikyo, but i suppose, in a way more serious because of the burden of powers vested on her by the gods. but i think they'd get along if they met!!! <3

i always wanted that aspect of the story be a mystery. because i mention it once, it has to continue as a plot point. and finally, bu wang answered the question. it was really a sad thing, because i keep imagining what i could do as the aftermath, but having her body be robbed from her kin after years and years with nothing to mourn - that conversation needed to be had. and them stealing it back was really the only way for them to have some sense of closure.

though, hiromi's body was cleaned everyday by uraume. they are the only person sukuna trusts with that if sukuna isnt around to do it. when i was plotting it, i kept imagining how it would go with that. i had that idea with a friend who also beta reads for me and it went from there.

hiromi was in that ice coffin, but people could see her. she never really aged from the time of her death to the moment she was cremated and interred in the family tombs. in that fifty years, sukuna was making sure she was continually cleaned, changed into different fashionable kimonos and etc. she was placed in the middle of his assembly hall as though she was in a throne and when it was time to rest, sukuna would have her coffin be moved to his quarters.

this went on for fifty years, because sukuna was obssessed with having her by his side. and for some time, it made his concubines jealous because he never really returned their affections nor wanted to be around them when he could be around this corpse of the person he actually really truly loved.

i based that off on two stories - the myth of ines de castro and the death of poppaea sabina. ines was the mistress of the king of portugal and poppaea sabina was wife of emperor nero.

according to the myth, he had ines's dead body brought out to the throne room and seated her throne, in all the finery of a queen and made everyone pay homage to her dead corpse. with poppaea sabina, emperor nero was so distraught about her dying that he had her body embalmed to preserve her body and raised her to divinity, to be worshipped.

hiromi ending up as a wandering soul, i really loved writing that. i feel like it fitted that after breaking her soul - it healed itself to give her another chance. but its sad because she can't remember anything and now she's stuck with this kenjaku guy who promised to tell her everything about her, when we know he wont.

i'm in the middle of production for the last chapter of the series right now, but i have to tell you its going to be interesting. because a lot of her return has repercussions, which i cant reveal yet. but im pretty sure i can confirm that kenjaku never body swapped with hiromi - because her body stopped existing when it was burned. so anything he did with her was done as her being a soul.

sukuna cares deeply about hiromi and i think, if he were aware that kenjaku was harboring hiromi's soul - sukuna would kill him. or at the most, make a deal with him to take hiromi's soul back. i dont think he would ever be alright with anyone doing anything to try and use hiromi for gain. he'd rather burn the world than see that happen. as you said, love is truly a curse sukuna bears and he loves and hates it.

thank you for your earnest support as always!!! new chapter should be posted today!!! im honored to have you enjoy it all with me, nonnie!!!

thank you also for wishing me well on my exams - it finished well, but prayers still accepted on passing everything <3

[archer3-13]

some more thoughts! up to ch6

map difficulty has been up and down overall id say, there are moments that made me sit and think but also a lot of moments of just 'following the routine'. but then this is the early stage of the game, which i would definitely rank as a vast improvement over three houses early game right off the mark because it doesnt faff about. though arguably it does get going a bit too fast...

ch2

training with dragon mama, its fine mostly about building a rapport with lumera before shes inevitably killed off. a very sweet rapport mind you but still.

also, more dragon shenanigans as dragon mama makes puppet soldiers from rocks. interesting comparison the game intentionally draws of the puppet soldiers being rather creepy given how alear also considers the 'corrupted' to be freaky deaky [though on a more instinctual level?]

i know how to fight game we dont need to go over this again. reinforces to me though that the prologue flash forward coulda been easily cut and nothing would be lost.

that lumera engages and moves with sigurd right as you enter her hypothetical range caught me off guard ill admit.

promise bangle! inevitable death incoming!

ch3

as expected turns out the safe have wasnt all that safe! first real chapter were getting here which is a huge relief compared to three houses hogwash, the game even gives us some flying pegasi to grapple with! theyve got cav mov so my prediction on that was wrong

suddenly alfred? he just kinda shows up like 2 levels higher then where your likely to be at that point and helps out. his retainers are also better then you [probably].

nothing too taxing just a standard route battle here with a named unique[ish] looking boss! praise be!

another kinda awkward moment where a transition woulda been appreciated as we suddenly dive into a cutscene to cg with this weird floating evil child

also, as soon as i saw the child i internally giggle a bit at the prospect of fighting an evil floating child in that kinda giddy 'im so glad this is happening' way.

lumera sacrifices herself taking a hit on our behalf. also flamme tries to heal someone in a cutscene! it doesnt take cause lumera used her... lifeforce im guessing to wake us up so now shes dying

good god does she take a while to die. i feel this might have been more effective/deserved had she been around longer and the scene wasnt written with a kinda awkward stop and start to it that makes it feel longer then it is. overall though, i appreciate the acting and ill admit it did twing my heart a bit. but then i am a sap.

lumera says some stuff that im thinking indicates that shes going to be ghost mom at some point but no one in universe seems to catch the implication. that might just be me extrapolating though.

we get sigurds ring this chapter

ch4

we gotta go help alfred save his kingdom its under attack by zombies. we arrive just in time to save his sister cerine in the stupid dress and we get celicas ring this chapter.

not much else to note about this chapter, its a straight up slug with zombies though instead of a zombie boss the boss is actually a named human whos commanding them and laments as he dies how he only got zombies to control.

the game also implies that celines retainers are introuble, but frankly they arent. maybe on higher difficulties they are, but on the standard normal difficulty they actually cleared out most of the map section they were in themselves. that said they arent npcs you get control of them which i appreciate as it avoids a lot of the headaches of npcs and provides some fun flow to the map as we move the main army to the holdouts.

ch5

turns out the capitals under attack ohno. gotta go save alfreds mom, and i will note i was really stressed they were gonna kill her off immediantly as well but thankfully they didnt.

sexy evil villain lady shows up to note that theyve already freed the fell dragon and be a taunting sexy evil lady. idk im not feeling her, shes very flagrantly evil which i can appreciate but her outfits stupid and so far she feels more generically evil then uniquely evil. shes no petrine anyways.

castle map with a treasure set to the side to loot. again nothing to major to note her gameplay wise though this is the first boss we hit whos got a second health bar! idk how to feel about that, on the one hand its an interesting solution to making bosses stand out more but on the other unless the boss is particularly tough or ya placed a unit in a bad spot it just means more bullying of the boss for the player to engage in.

alfreds mom saved, we get told to go find a 'secret' ring firanas been holdin.

paralogue 1

definitely awakening styled here in that they just show up. farming village is under attack by zombies and we gotta save the villagers including a doctor and his son who'll be our donnel for the game.

that said well the mob is npcs this time they arent under particularly pressing threat [again atleast on normal] and we start pretty dark close to them

fight off the zombies, small child wishes to go with us, parents protest but small child insists cause hes gonna be THE BEST doctor and parents immediantly relent.

i chuckled at that 'son its dangerous!', 'but i wanna go dad', 'okay son, you can go.'

i will make him into the supreme doctor fist man!

ch6

on the road to the secret shrine we meet our first thief yukiana who puts on a somewhat obnoxious act and we learn she had the ring we were looking for but ended up losing it, so we gotta go help her retrieve it.

no this is not actually a trap she really did lose the ring and a bandit picks it up that we immediantly kill when we get on the map. yukiana then gets to use the michaiah ring which lets her also staff bot which is handy.

other then that its a night map, fog of war and all that but mother fucking map object lanterns make a return which is nice.

range of vision also feels greater then usual which helps.

we clear out the bandit, yukiana admits she originally stole the ring and was gonna sell it alfred points out that yikiana still stuck around to help out and we ask her to join the team. a good time was had by all.

quick note on characters

i like all of them reasonably enough so far but ill admit that the one whos sticking out to me the most at the moment is yukiana. she introduces herself with a kinda obnoxious faux personality but its obviously a facade and her actual personality manages to be bubbly without going to far into it well also being tempered by a likely rough past. also i guess shes michaiahs girlfriend now which is kinda cute, though it does also bring to my mind a michaiah yukiana sothe polyamorous relationship...

SO! went out and actually got my hands on an engage physical copy. played through the first lil bit. thought id start up an internal reblog chain for myself here on thoughts on the game!

opening:

very abrupt but it goes hard on the music even if the visuals feel somewhat noncommittal and incoherent. in fact ill add right off the bat that the music here SLAPS HARD! like holy shit is it good.

title is in that kinda static manner a lot of title are these days.

prologue:

im playing on normal for a first run, cause i like to get a handle on what the developers are designing the bare basics of the game around. ie, the experience they assume most people are going to undergo when playing the game. idk, first impressions and all that.

anyways! prologue is doing the fe awakening thing of a flash forward [?] with a fight against scary bad man though instead of evil sorcerer were apparently fighting the fell dragon of this game itself. WHO WEARS NO SHIRT AND IS THEREFORE SUPERIOR TO GRIMNA BY DEFAULT!

its fine for what it is, the hook of the story and a quick run down on basic move attack mechanics. we even get to 'engage' and use an engage skill!

that said, i feel it misses the mark on what was effective about awakening paralogue. to clarify off the bat here, awakening is on the lower end of fe games for me personally, so when i say it misses the mark i really do mean it. awakenings paralogue setup worked by building a lot of dread and tension, oppressive music and atmosphere, the pre fight cg throwing us right in the action in a frantic and somewhat grim fight, the dramatic tragic twist with shishchrombob and a jarring evil laughter to play us off.

engage raises questions like awakenings, but thats all it really does. raise questions, otherwise being kinda flacid in atmosphere comparatively.

ch 1

which brings us to ch 1! alear wakes up, meets the stewards, and then suddenly were on the ground! feels like we missed a transition here, cause i wasnt sure if we had been in the sky or not like the game insisted we had but hey. i can forgive it a bit here cause a] its not an essential transition and b] the following stuff in the chapter is real good!

zombies show up, the corrupted, to cause some ruckus and the twins get into a sticky situation we have to unstick them from. namely that we actually get a 'diagetic experience' as it were cause the twins are on the map getting attacked as we rush out to save em. the twins run ahead a bit, zombie enemy turn ambush spawn and we dip into a cutscene then a cg

on a side note, the in engine cutscenes are such a massive improvement over what we had before! theres the dialogue skit sections of course where we do the awkward stand and nod like mascots that plagued three houses [though not as bad in engages case], but also we get actual action sequences animated in engine! and they look pretty slick minus some clipping.

anyways, cg marth shows up to bedazzle us [hes so pretty...], and we get some engage buisness to deal with and to help illustrate how op it is we get to mulch a bunch of enemies! fun.

on another side note, map sizes along with mov ranges so far have been reduced from average. infantry has sat at 4 well vander the paladin has sat at a 6 mov. armours im guessing have 3 move well flyers have 4 and non promoted cavs have 5 as it follows the heroes model as it were. in fact a lot of the mechanics and interfaces feel very heroes inspired which... im not entirely against as heroes does do a lot of things right and expanding on what works there in a full fe setting sounds very delicious to me.

dragon mama shows up at the end to save us from some more enemy reinforcements and we get a nice little reunion cutscene still [also very nice], and moment in general. dragon mothers cloths clip like no tomorrow in engine but shes very pretty and her voice actress giver her a nice melodic quality that i find very calming.

on an aside, i was giggling like a maniac the entire later half of the battle map for ch1. its a very over the top sequence but it just feels so fun to watch and its delightful to see some over the top choreography in action.

characters at the moment!

the twins: could not remember their names at the moment as they are just 'the twins' that exist in all of fiction

vander: is uther. reminded me of uther lightbringer from warcraft 3 when i first saw him and his personality and portrayal just kinda reminds me of uther in general. uthers pretty cool though and vanders definitely endeared himself to me in just a handful of scenes. more so then the twins anyways.

lumenera: sweet and melodic as i mentioned. i feel like the twist of the story is going to be that alear is related to the fell dragon in some way [fell dragon going 'i am your father!' or somethin] and lumenera is either the fell dragons ex or tryin to just put alear on a better path. interested in seeing and learning more anyways, and i feel shes the most endearing early game slated to die mother figure so far thats become very common in modern fe storytelling. at time of writing this anyways.

alear: somewhat timid, obviously gonna have a story about learning to be bolder. they talk so its a step up from byleth regardless.

marth: speaking more then i thought he would. hasnt said much yet but as ever hes sweeping me off my feet for no reason other then i like him.

[cuddlesslut]

Beginnings

Chapter Ten of Home

Atsumu x fem reader, Suna x fem reader, Hinata x fem reader

Summary: a glance back

Warnings: some NSFW elements in this chapter

AN / so it looks like the chapters are going to be shorter than before but that’s just because I can only keep my energy up for so long. I really do enjoy writing but it’s easier for me to write smaller chapters rather than like before. Also I know Suna hasn’t been as present I promise we will be getting more of him soon! UNEDITED SORRY

Part Nine: Closure

You collapsed onto your bed immediately after getting home from lunch with Atsumu and you haven’t moved for at least half an hour. Emotionally you were exhausted. Seeing him and thinking about him still caused a pang in your chest but that reunion was needed. You needed to start moving past him, that much you decided. He was your first love and he wounded you in a way that may never fully heal but now there’s two amazing guys trying to help you move forward.

You let a long grown rubbing your hands over your face. This were complicated enough when you were still coming to terms with your felling with Hinata. God he must be wondering what the hell is going with you leaving with his teammate. Maybe Bokuto and Sakusa have already started filling in the blanks for him. You could see those idiots snickering to themselves when you had encountered the group earlier. A soft smile graced your lips thinking of those two. You missed those two, and their constant bickering. You had become close to the the team over the years. Having hosted several victory parties at your and Atsumu’s shared home.

A small tear slipped down your cheek running down your face as you lay staring at the ceiling. Just another thing you had lost because of the setter. You released the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Shaking that thought from your mind it did no good to dwell on those things now. Thinking back to your favorite orange haired man you felt slightly nervous about having to explain everything to him. Sho is nowhere near as dumb as most think ,yes he tends to get a little over excited missing some details but he’s really quite clever, so he’s probably figured out most things. It’s not like he wasn’t aware of your past you had spilled that too him a lot quicker than you had planned. You can remember that moment clearly. It was the moment your feelings for Hinata had first started becoming deeper than you had intended, even though you denied them for a lot longer.

You stretched sitting up the soft cotton sheets falling your lap as you yawned searching searching the room for the familiar sight of Shoyo’s bright orange hair. You rose your brow at the lack of his presence. The small apartment was silent. Which made you draw the conclusion that he was not here, he’s to rambunctious to be home and not make any noise not that you minded. You had a clue where he could probably be and your suspicions were confirmed as you heard him enter through the front door. It surprised you the first morning it had happened but by now you are used to Hinata going for morning runs.

He stood in the door smile spreading across his face upon seeing you awake in this bed wearing only one of his old game shirts from Brazil. Your hair still a mess and the purple marks he left last night peaking out from the collar of the crew neck. It was certainly an amazing sight for him to come back to. He leaned against the door frame lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe some sweat from his face. Now it was your turn to appreciate the view. His abs and delicious v coming into sight. Grazing your eyes down to his workout shorts that fit nice and snug against his defined thighs. God his thighs were a blessing in and of themselves. After your quick glance you look back up to the eyes of the man in front of you.

“You know I’ll never understand how you can have the energy to go running in the morning after the nights we have,” you chuckle.

A wide grin sneaks his way to his face “ sorry I’m not the one who can barely walk in the morning,” he winks.

Your jaw drops at his cheeky comment. “ oh yeah we’ll have to change that,” you state smug unsure where all of this confidence came from. Although you weren’t expecting his response.

His eyebrow quirked at your insinuation, before smirking “ alright that can be arranged sometime soon!” He chuckled enthusiastically.

Your eyes widened the scenario playing in your mind quickly.

Hinata loved the shocked but curious expression painting your features. The next thing you new Sho had bolted from his spot jumping into the bed knocking you onto your back as he hovered over you. His hot breath tickled your neck his lips grazing your pulse before giving a nip. One hand had sneaked under the shirt you wore grasping onto your hip while the other kneaded your breast. Your breath grew shaky. He lowered his head to the valley between your breast before looking up to you. Peering at you through his orange waves that dangled in his face.

“You know I still have plenty of energy to take care of you,” he teased his voice dropping an octave. “ so baby tell where do you want me.”

“I want you,” you bite your lip looking at the sinful man in front of you. Your hand grips his chin pulling him up to you face to face, your eyes drop to his lips before returning to his darkened eyes. “In the shower, now get your sweaty ass off of me!” You push his Lunky body of off you before standing.

He groans looking over at you “tease!” He yells.

You turn back sticking your tongue out at him, “ go shower loser im going to make some coffee and breakfast,” you yelled over your shoulder as you headed to the kitchen. Hinata enjoyed the view of you walking away before sighing in defeat, he was really grimy from his run, plus he could use a cold shower right now.

———

You moved around his small kitchen with an air of familiarity. It was about a little over a month since your agreement of friends with benefits began. After fixing a small breakfast and some coffee Shoyo finally emerged fully dressed and cleaned. Taking a sip from his mug and surveying the food you had made. He smiled.

“Damn Y/N this looks amazing!” He smile his signature smile. “You know it surprise me how a girl like you is single!” He doesn’t sense the mistake he had made immediately. You had never talked about why you didn’t want to date before. Not feeling your tragic history with love was appropriate pillow talk. You froze at this statement. Unwanted thoughts and memories swirling in your mind. All of your insecurities starting to surface. Hinata noticed the shift in the air immediately. It was hard not to as your hands grabbed at the counter for some stability. Your eyes trained on the surface, voice caught in your throat. How do you respond to that.

If there’s one thing about Hinata that is certain it’s that’s he’s incredibly caring. He moved around the corner of the counter standing next to your side placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Hey Y/N are you okay! Was it something I said? I’m real sorry ya know!” You turn to him tears brimming in your eyes. He doesn’t speak again or ask you to just pulling you into him as you bury your face into his chest as you sob. He places a reassuring hand your back rubbing soothing circles onto your back hoping to help calm you.

It feels nice and it helps a lot more than you expected. Although guilt starts to build as you realize your crying in front of a man you only know through sex. God this is embarrassing. Before you can try to retreat. Sho navigates you to his sofa. After relaxing into the cushions you look up at him. While he’s trying to look calm and reassuring you can sense the worry in him.

He takes this moment to speak. “ you know you can talk to me Y/N I’ll listen to you about whatever you have going on, no judgment.” You sigh looking up at him. Looking up into his eyes you don’t know why you aren’t more hesitant but it honestly feels like you can tell him anything. And so you do. You tell him almost everything. Leaving out names and some of the more gory details. You tell him all about your heartache. And he sits and listens to you intently. Although he didn’t show it he was furious with how you had been treated. But he didn’t want to interrupt your venting. It felt really nice to actually talk to someone about everything and how you feel and Sho was amazingly supportive throughout the whole ordeal.

Wiping the mostly dried tears from your cheeks you gave Hinata a soft smile. “ thank you Shoyo I’m sorry I dropped all of this on you, it probably not what you signed up for.” You gave a nervous chuckle.

He returned your smile, looking at you earnestly, he gripped your shoulder gently making you look up at him. “Hey none of that non sense! You can always talk to me no matter what!” He smiled.

Your eyes shinned up at him with a forgotten emotion. “Really?” You questioned

His smile grew even bigger “Yeah! Absolutely! What are friends for!” He beamed!

Friends.... why did that word give you a pang in your chest.

Home Masterlist

Tagglist: @animeboihoe @karlitabi-rrito @mutli-fandom-fanfic @comically-sleep-deprived @madmelle @momoinot @eggbutnotyolk k @yunhosblackgf @6sakusa @diesinspanishbcimhispanic @a-fucking-simp @its-babybitch @sakusasonlywife e @japanushiiiii @dekuspet @sredamancy @haikyuusimp91 @shoyosbitchh @far-off-dream @tsukkisfatsimp @nestlevanilla @simply-not-the-same @porcolie @uwubby-1 @ahopefulbouquetcollection @graykageyama @elianetsantana @allykat7599 @airybnb @wonhomarshmallow @minnieminnie00-got7 7 @weebtato @toshiswifey @takeyin-withyang @zero-nightshade @mrskags @ilhy2003 @neonartbat-1316 @isleofnajera @boosyboo9206 @chocoshek @bbypebble @roschea-arts @haikyuu-love-ships @memekingofwwiii @ems1des @the3rdstalltoilet @gabixiio @peacchfuz @m-i-n-t-y-fresh @onechichirya @itoshiwhore @plusultra2dwhore @oranoyaora @x-enia @annie-sae @tlhinthemaking @tightpussymikasa @spoiledskittles @nstr4wb

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XVI

Part I - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Part XIII - - - - Part XIV - - - - Part XV

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Masters Aerdo, Koon and Nu lurched forward in distress as Obi-Wan unceremoniously slammed his mental walls into place.

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” He reassured them, smiling weakly and rubbing his temples.

“Cutting yourself off so abruptly from the force after a meditation that deep is dangerous,” Master Aerdo said, alarmed. “Please endeavor to be more gentle with yourself, Master Kenobi.”

“Of course, I simply thought it would be be best to allow for some, ah, uncertainty with my retreat to counteract my... necessary indiscretion.”

“Uncertainty!” Plo scolded. “If I hadn’t been in same room as you I might have thought you were dead!”

“Well, yes, that’s rather-”

Vokara Che burst through the door, followed closely by Bant Eerin.

“PLO KOON! WHAT IN THE GALACTIC CORE HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PATIENT!”

Master Koon took a step back, “Vokara, please-”

“I’m perfectly alright, Master Che,” Obi-Wan interjected, “Master Koon has helped me beyond what I can ever repay. I- Oh dear. You all have.” Obi-Wan looked around, guilt creeping into his voice. “Oh. OH. I am so sorry for what I must have put you all through. I- I assure you, it wasn’t what it looked like. Thank you so much for all you’ve done to save me from...well, my own foolishness, I suppose. Oh that must have been- I deeply apologize for the inconvenience I’ve caused.”

Master Che took a deep breath. “Your good health is repayment enough for whatever debt you feel you might owe. May I take your recent...reaching out to mean that you have begun to regain your sense of where and when you are and no longer feel the need for more...drastic means of escape? Alarming raising of shields notwithstanding?”

Obi-Wan winced. “I am...still confused on a number of points, I admit. But I’ve cleared up most of my important doubts. Its... 7957 by the Centralized Republic Calendar. I’m in the temple Halls of Healing on Couracant. Everyone in this room is a fellow member of Jedi Order.” Obi-Wan hastily wiped away a few tears forming in the corners of his eyes. 

He cleared his throat as the five onlookers watched with a mixture of sympathy and confusion. “It’s going to be difficult, but I owe you all an explanation. Actually I need to explain a few things quite urgently, but first-”

His train of thought was interrupted by the roiling force presence that proceeded Mace Windu’s entrance. Mace paused at the foot of the bed, eyeing Obi-Wan critically as everyone else shuffled slightly out of the way to the edges of the increasingly crowded room. 

“Master Kenobi. You’re looking better.” He finally said.

“I’m feeling better. You really can’t imagine. I’m sure you have questions, but first I must insist- ow!” Obi-Wan jerked back, startled by the sudden rap of a gimer stick on the side of his head.

“Master Yoda!” Che and Aerdo scolded as the Grandmaster suddenly appeared on the nightstand to get a better look at his troublesome great-grand padawan.

��Vokara actually grabbed the wizened elder with both hands, lifting him by the armpits and chastising him like a misbehaving youngling. “That is not an appropriate greeting for any of my patients. Shame on you.”

“Patients, hmm? Shame, shame indeed.” Yoda muttered, dangling in the air. “Gone, my patience is. For making us think he had joined the force too early, shame indeed on Obi-Wan.” 

Obi-Wan bowed his head. “My apologies, grandmaster. I had strong reason to believe that I was trapped in a hallucination. I will explain everything but first we really need to comm-”

“Your suicide attempt, I was not referring to, no. Do such a thing in your right mind, I know you would never. Concerned, we were, of course. Halfway fake your own death, the first thing you did was, after all this! The reason I am hitting you, that is! Too old for this, I am!” 

“I understand, and I had reason for retreating so suddenly. Which I will be happy to explain. But first we really need to do damage control and contact-”

- - - - -

“ANAKIN! Anakin, what’s wrong!” Padme shook her husband’s shoulders as he knelt, collapsed on the floor.

“It’s- Obi-Wan” he choked out. “He was here! He was awake and alive and then he just- stopped.” 

“Oh force. You don’t mean he’s-”

“I don’t know. I can’t sense him. I don’t know.”

“Go. And when you find him, please comm me to let me know if-”

But Anakin was already gone.

- - - - -

"Oh...hm.” Master Tiin shuddered slightly.

“Sir? Is everything alright?” Captain Rex asked.

“Does this have something to do with General Kenobi’s illness?” Boil called out anxiously. A low murmur rippled through the mixed meeting of high-level strategic and logistical officers. 

“His- force presence grew rather strong for a moment. I would have to contact the temple to-”

“He’s dead.”

“Master Krell!” Saesee Tiin chided as the room recoiled in horror. “We don’t know that.”

General Tiin addressed the anxious room, “His force presence did cut out abruptly, but there are a number of explanations for such a thing, and jumping to the worst case scenario prematurely does us no favors.”

“Perhaps we should pause the briefing while you contact the Temple, sir.” Commander Cody offered stiffly.

“Out of line, Clone.” General Krell said, sneering. “Regardless of the status of your former General, we depart at 22:00 hours this evening. This briefing will continue. Interrupt with such a meaningless and insubordinate suggestion again and I will have you put on review for decommissioning.”

“Yes, sir.” Cody replied.

“That’s enough, Master Krell. I realize tensions are running high but please control yourself.” Tiin sighed. “We do need to finish this planning session. I apologize for the disruption, everyone. Now if you will all turn your attention back to map 3a of the Ghost Nebula...”

Command training included modules on compartmentalizing unhelpful emotional responses in order to focus on tactical information, so that’s what Cody did.

- - - - -

“If you have some Sith-related intel to divulge, I think it might be more appropriate to contact the rest of the council first, Master Kenobi,” Mundi said, discarded fluid drip awkwardly jabbing him in the side . 

“I agree, but trust me, first, someone really needs to tell Anakin I’m not dead. If you don’t want to do it, I will,” Obi-Wan announced, trying to get up. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Bant snapped, pushing him back into bed.

“I- Oh Bant, It’s- some things are fuzzy, but you were one of the medi staff who came to my quarters after I...”

Bant glared in answer. 

“I am so sorry, again I-” 

“Obi-Wan, try not to worry too much about apologies right now. The important thing is you have people who care about you and we are all pleased by your renewed vigor for life.” Healer Aerdo interrupted, maintaining a death grip on Yoda while Che fussed over Obi-Wan’s vital readings. 

“I’ve commed Skywalker but if he’s acting as I suspect, he’s not checking messages” Master Windu said from his place in the corner.

- - - - - 

A Chiss Padawan leaned over to whisper to her Master as the mental flow halted unceremoniously. “Master, you don’t think...”

“Is something wrong, young one?” Chancellor Palpatine called out, smiling warmly at the young apprentice and drawing all eyes in the sub-committee meeting to the cloaked pair standing watch at the door.

“Ah, no, Supreme Chancellor, thank you for your concern. We simply observed a minor disruption in the force,” Her Tholothian Master replied smoothly as the padawan attempted not to fidget. “I’m sure the Council will contact us if it’s anything worth reporting to the Senate.” 

The meeting continued but more than a few senators spent the remainder of the session discretely swapping messages speculating on what could have ruffled the usually silent and stoic guardians. 

- - - - -

Shouted curses and wailing speeder horns followed Anakin as he raced to the temple. 

I swear to all the gods if he’s alive i’ll never kill anyone ever again I should have been there was no warning in the force please help me if he’s dead i’m going to kill everyone on this planet except Padme and then im going to kill Dooku and Grevious and then

- - - - -

“Master Fisto!” Ashoka said, turning anxiously to the Natuolan Master as Obi-Wan’s presence evaporated. “Do you think Master Kenobi is alright?”

“We’re quite a distance away,” Kit replied soothingly. “There’s a very good chance he simply had to withdraw because he was overreaching himself to say hello.” 

Ashoka frowned. “Can we contact the temple to make sure? Please?”

“I’ll send a comm, but we might not get a reply right away. We’re only a few hours out from the planet, so you’ll be able to check in on him yourself soon, alright?”

“Yes, Master.”

- - - - -

“Ah...perhaps we should shift into another room? This one is a little small for the...full Jedi Council. And I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to change out of these patients robes and into something a little more appropriate”

“You’re not going anywhere or changing into anything until I clear you.” Che snapped, elbowing Koth out of the way to jab Obi-Wan with another device.

“If one of the high council is unable to leave this room, than the high council is more than willing to meet here.” Master Gallia said calmly from her perch at the foot of the bed.  

“Well I’m not leaving.” Master Nu announced. “I still haven’t gotten the full explanation Plo promised.”

“As a healer-”

- - - - -

Klicks apart from one another, Sith Assassin Ventress and Knight Vos unknowingly shared identical frowns as Quinlan softly gave voice to what they were both thinking,

“What the fuck, Kenobi.”

- - - - - 

“WATCH OUT!”

“Kriff!”

“...Was that Anakin Skywalker? Did The Hero With No Fear just cut us off?”

“Must be some serious business for him to be flying like that.”

- - - - - 

Count Dooku redirected the Invisible Hand; his plans for Kiros would simply have to wait. Sidious might prefer the Umbaran seige to be a long, protracted affair rather than a decisive win one way or another, but if Tyrannus’s suspicions were correct, than the time for kowtowing to the Sith Master might be near its end. Sidious had long underestimated his Grandpadawan. He suspected that whatever play was going on was less the act of a new player and more the opening move of an experience one now shifting his attention to another arena. 

The ‘attack’ was likely a deliberate ruse to allow Kenobi to slip into the shadows and finally begin addressing the hint he had provided on Genosis long ago. Now, more than ever, Dooku needed to manage Separatist affairs strategically. Kenobi’s search into the force and subsequent rapid withdraw was too deliberate to be anything but the first steps of a larger plot. 

- - - - -

“Ah, Master Mundi?” A young apprentice healer asked the Cerean Master guarding the entranceway to the wing. “There’s a small crowd gathering outside. All very orderly, of course. But they want to know Master Kenobi’s Status. What should I tell them?”

Mundi Sighed. “If they ask, tell them Master Kenobi’s wellbeing is protected under healer client confidentiality and the highest security clearance.” 

Ki-Adi paused. “If Anakin Skywalker, arrives, just- send him this way, as you would a Council Member, understood? Don’t try and stop him.” he added begrudgingly.

“I see.” the padawan replied with impressive professional calm, "Thank you, Master Mundi” She bowed and returned to the front.

- - - - -

Maul staggered out of his cave. Kenobi was taunting him now. Kenobi would pay. Kenobi would see. Kenobi couldn’t die before Maul killed him.

- - - - -

A gap opened in the somber crowd as Anakin sprinted through, heart in his throat.

He should have been here there was no warning he should have been there

“Skywalker!” Mundi barked. “Calm yourself!”

Anakin stared at him with wild eyes and the High Master faltered, frightened for a moment. Before Anakin could say or do anything to the council member, Master Windu appeared. “Over here.”

Anakin blurred past him, mind tormenting him with images of nooses and blood and broken bodies and incomplete-

“Hello there, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sat upright in bed, smiling at him and surrounded by far too many Master’s for anyone’s comfort. Least of all the Masters, now that Mundi and Windu were forcing their back in. 

Anakin took in a strangled gasp, “Obi-Wan- you- i thought you were dead.”

Obi-Wan’s welcoming smile faltered. “Oh Anakin, I’ve really put you through a terrible ordeal the last few days, haven’t I? I am so, so sorry- I- I promise I didn’t intend to leave you like that. Come here, I’ll- its going to sound quite impossible but I can explain everything. There’s so much I have to tell everyone-”

Anakin threw himself forward, ignoring Jedi dignity and who he was knocking over.

He heard a tut of disapproval behind him as he embraced his Master. 

“Oh be quiet” Master Koon chided someone. “Honestly, he’s padawan age, have some compassion.”

Anakin decided to ignore that in favor of crying over Obi-Wan for the fourth time in as many days, utterly exhausted. 

Obi-Wan hesitated for a bare moment before wrapping his arms around his brother and friend for the first time in years (at least for the first time where he was aware that it was real and oh force he was really going to have to meditate to fully understand what he had said and done and what everyone had said in response).

“Perhaps we should give them a moment to collect themselves.” Master Aerdo offered diplomatically. Having largely reached their threshold for open displays of emotion, the Council non-verbally came to an agreement.

“You two have five minutes to pull yourselves together,” Master Windu said severely. 

“Of course, Master Windu. Thank you.” Obi-Wan rasped.

The group shuffled out with remarkable good grace, considering the number of inhabitants in the room, or rather remarkable bad grace, considering they were all supposed to be Jedi Masters.

Plo Koon patted them both on the shoulders before filing out. Master Yoda leapt nimbly out of Bant’s arms to land on the nightstand. He rapped them each lightly on the head before darting out with a chuckle. The door clicked shut.

“Master- I- never do that again.”

“I’m sorry Anakin, I promise, I wasn’t trying to die, I have far, far too much to live for. I’m never going to leave you again, I don’t care what else happens but- I’m not going to abandon you ever again, do you understand. Even if I die, I’ll come back and haunt you for the rest of your life, you’ll barely notice the difference, I swear.”

“...Thank you, but please stop talking now”

“Right, of course. I’m sorry. I’m so, so-”

“I love you, Obi-Wan.”

“...I love you too, Anakin.”

Part XVII

[atherix0]

GRIAN'S NOT THE ONLY ONE HAVING GAY THOUGHTS TM. IM HAVING GAY THOUGHTS. AND IM A LESBIAN.

Oh the briefest glimpse at feral scar my BELOVED [everytime i type beloved I feel like Bdubs i s2g] oh the damage to Grians wing being healed without a second thought - SCAR TOUCHED GRIANS WING AND NO ONE BATED AN EYE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Its so GOOD they're so GAY and they don't even REALIZE it I am on my HANDS AND KNEES

That brief flash of mumbo???? SO excited for when its not a brief flash anymore oh my god. Its gonna be so. so. so good. I will have waited so long and for so many good reasons AHHHHH

God I love the Beans, too. The hint that they aren't what they appear, that they know Scar, AND CLEO and that SCAR knows Cleo and CLEO MY BELOVED I am screaming down the boatem hole and into the void.

Just everything about this is incredible. Oh god, them having wholesome wholesome wholesome SOMEONE TOUCHED GRIAN ITS TIME TO RIOT - Wholesome wholesome wholesome. That HINT. that TOUCH of Grian's past is sending me to the MOON. WHAT DO YOU KNOW BIRD BOY. TELL ME YOUR SECRETS. TELL MUMBO AND SCAR YOUR SECRETS. AHHHHHHHHHH

LMAO I ALMOST MADE THAT JOKE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER TOO-

I LOVE writing Scar being a little unhinged, we get to see more of that later on <3 Like there's a part coming up where we see this Elf DECIMATE people and I am so looking forward to sharing it when the time is right <3 I need to make edits to it now tho cuz some things have changed since I originally wrote it but it's okay, I have time~ IT'S SO FUNNY because Grian took one look at Mumbo and thought "hell yeah he's gonna be mine" and Mumbo took one look at Grian and said "alright" but THESE MOFOs ARE OVER HERE LIKE NOT EVEN REALIZING THEY'RE BEING GAY FOR SCAR TOO like these two possessive and jealous and absolutely unhinged loverboys are basically dating this Elf and not realizing it, AND THE ELF DOESN'T REALIZE IT EITHER BECAUSE HE HAS ISSUES(TM). ALSO I AM SO GLAD someone noticed Scar touched Grian's wing and no one reacted at all <3 Because I absolutely 100% did that on purpose hgfdjkf-

My god you're gonna be fed so well soon I promise you, I p r o m i s e it's about to go down up in here- not in Strolls but sOON

The Beans. I had to put them in <3 Lizzie is so chaotic I love her to bits and Joel I had to have them I'm sorry <3 HEE HEE HEE more Scar past, I wonder how that's gonna go~

YEAH I loved doing that, they go from wholesome sweet bois to hissing cats and Scar almost bites but Grian and Mumbo have a little more sense than he does and hjgfdjk I AM GONNA TAUNT Y'ALL WITH GRIAN'S PAST haha <3 Like all of them have tragic stories but Grian's... :)

Thank you so much for the message!! It put a big smile on my face! Sorry I took so long to respond, had to wait to get home because answering long asks on mobile is just asking to cry <3

[dreaminginvelaris]

nessian analysis

im not sure if this qualifies as an analysis? It's basically me just explaining why I didn't like the nessian relationship, what it lacked, what sjm should have done.

I will be using the “anti-nessian” tag bc there are many softies here on Tumblr who get pissy whenever you have some things to say abt a beloved character or relationship that dont paint them as gods even though i dont hate them. I DO NOT hate nessian, I am not the biggest fan of them, im not entirely fond of them, I personally think we were robbed of a much deeper and flushed out relationship, but I do not hate nessian whatsoever. 

also please for the love of god don’t get butthurt and start talking about how feysand is the boring one, how feysand is so vanilla, in retaliation. stop. it makes you look childish. if you hate what i have to say abt your ship, move on. you don’t need to come on a nessian post and start talking about other ships. yes i realize i mention feysand, and rowaelin, but it was to compare how sjm usually writes her main couples.  

with that being said, let's move forward. 

sjm in the past has done an amazing job when writing romantic relationships. She's so wonderful at establishing a friendship, at establishing an emotional connection, before any romance takes place. like with rowaelin, we got to see rowan and aelin forge a friendship, from hating one another to respecting each other. before it was romantic love, it was friendly love first, it was love and respect for their friendship that made aelin threaten that bitch who i forgot the name of but who wouldn't stop touching rowan and aelin bathed her in fire until she stopped. it was the love and respect for their friendship that made rowan fight against his cadre to go save aelin, it was that love that made aelin go to maeve, threaten her ppl so Rowan could be free. 

all of this built up to the amazing relationship that is Rowaelin. it took establishing an emotional connection between the two to make what is their relationship now. the romantic/sexual part of their relationship is amazing as well, but it wouldn't have been amazing were it not for the trust their relationship was built on first. 

it's the same thing with feysand, their relationship built on trust first, on friendship, on emotional talks, on sharing their thoughts and feelings, on sharing hard truths with one another. on feyre trusting rhys with how she felt abt the whole tamlin situation, it built on rhys sharing his past, on sharing some of those horrific moments of UTM, it built on them fighting with one another, it's what made chapter 55 so amazing because it built up. it wasn't just sex right off the bat, it was forging a connection much more powerful than sex. 

which brings me to my main point, that nessian definitely lacks all of this. before it even starts, i know there are ppl who might say “but nessian was building during acomaf/acowar?”  yes, it was, we knew that there was something between them. but can you really call it an emotional build up btwn them? i mean we saw it through the eyes of feyre, so we didn't really see much of substance. we saw them exchange glances, nesta insult cass, cass tease nesta, even that one bonus chapter, but that wasn't enough buildup. because even in that bonus chapter we mainly just got to see cass corner nesta to a wall and learn how he was so turned on by her. nothing of depth and substance. 

you would expect sjm to bring this to their book. but it didn't happen. perhaps she as well thought that was enough of a build up to them, i wouldn't put it past her, her writing skills definitely are questionable in this book.

but where were the talks? where was nesta confiding to cassain abt her mother? abt her life being groomed for marriage? abt the years during the poverty, abt how she felt disgusted by herself for what she had done to feyre. for what she had not done for their family? for what she felt with her fathers death, how she felt abt elain, how she was coping?

where were the talks in which cassian confided in nesta? in where he talks abt his years in the illyrian camps, in what happened in those moments when he murdered a whole illyrian village, in which he learned he would never be able to bury his mother. the talks where he tells her how it felt to be separated from his brothers, how he felt when rhys was trapped, how it felt when feyre was taken, how it felt when he thought him and nesta were to die, at hybern and at the war. 

where was the teasing? the laughing? the pinning each other down during training, the talks during training. where was the friendship being built? just because cass tells nesta he was always her friend doesn't mean it’s not important to see it.

instead all we got was training and fucking and fucking and training. instead we got nesta jacking off cassian 200 pages in? i mean thats so out of character of nesta. this fiery woman who spent three books pushing cassian away, who made it known she ‘despised’ cassian, who made it clear she would not touch or even try to interact with cassian during her stay at the house of wind, but all of a sudden she just loses that and jacks him off? i mean the fact that nesta kept pushing cassian away was such a great opportunity for sjm to take and make it slow burn. teasing touches, never going too far but enough it made the other shiver. i mean that when the pinning each other down in training would have come in handy. but instead sjm just decided to change nestas character just like she changed cassians as well. 

(note: i am not slut shaming nesta, before any of y'all try to twist it that way, i am merely stating how in my perspective that was not something nesta would have done with cassian.

not to forget how cassian would literally leave nesta after their sexual encounters! please tell me i’m not the only one who notices that the cassian from acomaf/acowar/acofas would not have done that. this man has practically been in love with nesta since day one and he just straight up says “thanks for the ride” and leaves? uhhhh what? the cassian i knew and loved would not have done that. i mean him staying after those encounters would have been the perfect opportunity for them to have deep talks, for them to get to know one another. i mean they both claim to know each other, but do they really? 

the mating revelation was soo underwhelming too. i wanted passion, i mean thats what i was promised no? from both sjm and the nessian stans. so where was that passion during the mating revelation? i mean sjm had aelin realize rowan was her mate after rowan was shot, and she felt the fear of losing him. had rhys know fully when feyre was dying and he was trying to get to her. had ferye realize when they professed their love for each other, and she realized she had healed with him. even goddamn lucien and elain knew in such an intense way as well. and nessian? on a sidewalk. with cassian demanding nesta say it, and nesta robotically denying it. 

all im saying is that we were robbed. i like sex between two characters as much as the next person but sex doesn't matter unless there is a deep emotional connection between the two, its what makes chemistry between two characters amazing. 

also lets mention how cassian didn't even say i love you to nesta. PLSSS WHAT WAS THAT

the only part in the whole 700+ page book that actually felt deeper and much more stronger between the two of them was when nesta broke down and admitted she hated herself and cassian consoled her. but that was what? 3 pages and then they proceeded to continue to fuck during their “healing hike” nah that aint it

all im saying is that nessian was much more fun and sexy when it was through feyre’s perspective. 

[solarsleepless]

Please tell me everything you know about c!niki xD

THIS IS GONNA BE HELLA LONG SO HERE YOU GO

so niki first joined l'manberg - contrary to popular belief - AFTER the revolution, along w jack manifold. she joined bc she was good friends with wilbur and tommy. she opened up a bakery after consulting her diary/chat, and it ended up being pretty successful. not too succesful, but successful. during the elections, she decided to support her friend (childhood friend? the timeline is fucked up bc of c!fundy existing lbr) and together she and fundy made COCONUT2020. she didn't think she'd win, only really did it for fun, and supported wilbur even though she didn't join his party then her best friend and friend got exiled, and so she was understandably distraught and angry schlatt's reign was one of her low points. not her lowest, but pretty damn low if i do say so myself. she was tormented during this time by schlatt himself, and he made fun of her for her relationship with wilbur, called her things like a "wrench", he taxed her (to the point where she had to run away!), and he imprisoned her. it doesn't help that her childhood(?) friend betrayed her burnt down the flag that she had made for l'manberg (its so sad actually, listen to it) she had a birthday party that while i didnt watch ive heard that wilbur threatened to blow up l'manberg so yeah then she saw her younger brother-like figure get executed onstage, then almost got executed herself, when wilbur managed to get her away then it is DEVASTATING as she finally finds out abt how things have been going in pogtopia (especially for the viewers who only watched niki's pov). she had thought that they had a plan, that they were working things out, when really they haven't even got a semblance of a plan the pit fight happens, and then after she goes up to listen to one of tommy's discs with tubbo and tommy themselves during the manberg v pogtopia war, she fights for pogtopia and watches schlatt die and the nation become wilbur's again. then, of course, comes the part that all old school c!niki fans will remember... during the celebration they had just after tubbo gained presidency, she accidentally uncovered a small part of the wall and saw tnt. she went still, then covered it up, on the assumption that wilbur wouldn't blow it up BOY was she wrong her home gets destroyed (watch this and skip forwards until niki's pov), and she doesnt find out that wilbur dies until much, much later. to honour him, she starts wearing his coat. everything goes fine for a little while, and she yknow dates puffy (*SOBS* im unbiased im unbiased.... *sob*), and then doesnt find out abt tommy's exile until much later AFTER that. she doesnt really get in on the lore much during the inbetween period of tommy's exile and doomsday except for her city being built more. then, during doomsday, she gets angry at tommy and says that he couldn't just walk in there and assume everyone would be on his side, she also shouts at ranboo abt sides and stuff. later, she apologizes to ranboo and says that if ranboo fights for l'manberg, she will too. ranboo ends up doing nothing except watching everything unfold, and so niki does the same, except for one thing. she burns down the l'mantree, also known as her canonical lowest point. after that, she hears ghostbur speaking and has a panic attack, trying to reassure herself that "he's gone, he's gone, he's gone" and because shes too flooded w memories, she ends up blowing up her bakery. afterwards, however, she goes down into her secret city and isolates herself from everybody except for jack, who she plots to kill tommy with. she takes tommy to a nuclear test site and almost manages to kill him, but JUST misses him, somehow after this attempt, she scurries back to her little hole like a cryptid and (this is, in my opinion, her lowest point) isolates herself even MORE. she has contact with exactly 1 person during this whole period of four-five canonical(??) months, and it results in her mental health getting worse. technoblade visits her at the start of this, offering her a position as an anarchist to which she gives him a "maybe, after

i kill tommy" she gets night terrors, and keeps herself in a literal CELL so that she doesnt go anywhere when she sleepwalks, also punches the walls whenever she wakes up from a nightmare, which is often. eventually tho, she accepts techno's offer and joins the syndicate, naming herself as nemesis as a reference to her past self she manages to heal a substantial amount, finally having: a) a group that lets her speak (which is SO important for her, its actually the key to her entire arc) and b) socialization! however this takes a big turn, when she hears that wilbur's back she tries to play it off, then goes the l'manhole or l'crater, reminisces about wilbur betraying her (may i note the rocketduo where she looks pointedly at manifoldland and says "and GOD you deserved so much better dgsayufasyufgasuy) she grabs wilbur's diamonds, some of the first ever items she got in the SMP, then hides them in the wall, as a sign of her closing off from wilbur

PHHOOOOOOEEY THAT WAS A LONG ONE

okay so imma go with this writing cause its fun. so, you asked a few questions in response to the ask you gave me!! so lets go 1) why does she feel betrayed by wilbur? because she was one of the first people she met (canonically) on the SMP. he promised her that it would be a land of peace, prosperity, but she started loving it BECAUSE of wilbur. case and point: when wilbur asks whether she's loyal to l'manberg, she goes "yes, i'm loyal to you, wil." "no, no, not to me- to l'manberg" she quite literally wore his coat around the SMP as a symbol of her friendship and dedication towards him, because they were honestly the best of friends, and she THOUGHT she knew it. points out) and its the way she's learnt to do things. also remember: c!Niki is an unreliable narrator, that's the whole point of her character. it's a response to trauma (as @tubboblr pointed out) you're also probably wondering why she burnt down the l'mantree. and it's not because she "finally realized that l'manberg was bad" it was actually really simple: she wanted to be heard. she had been beaten down and talked over SO much (aka the BASIS for her arc) that she's so desperate to be heard she'll take desperate measures. another reason is because she finally loses hope in l'manberg. she loved it, loves it, but she just lost hope in it. she never hated it. she LOVED it, with all her heart. she just didnt believe it had any hope to be the place she had thought it was. if you have any other questions, let me know!!

[gryphsdeadbones]

i am looking at ur oc so intently ,, whats ur ocs story if you have one for him? :D hes VERY neat

SWEATS AS IVE WRITTEN A COUPLE OF OLD GOOGLE DOCS WORTH OF INFO im too shy to share again-

BASICALLY shades was originally an oc from a game but he kinda turned into his own thing ! i’ve done a LOT of work and writing for many RPs involving him dkfjdfgkj

his design is based on my sona before he evolved on his own- id link the old stuff but i always keep revamping it dGJDLGFDG the ‘short’ version is

shades is a gryphon! there used to be many like him in a medieval-like kingdom. the usual sort of fairy tale stuff

(^old story book art where i never finished the other pages)

he used to be a knight. the princess’ own bodyguard. they were best friends. all was well in the kingdom

and then things gradually got worse. magical creatures like him kept disappearing left and right til it was just him left

eventually he got framed for a coup / attempted regicide

you know the drill. what they sentence ‘traitors’ like him

the moment he was supposed to bite the dust, something happened.

he became sort of a cautionary myth from then on. for all everyone knows, the kingdom straight up got wiped off the map overnight

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> fast forward to god knows how long

its the modern era now (it makes sense with his original source i promise GFLDNGDLFJNG)

he gets a job as a bodyguard / security guard

^VERY old ref. height is anywhere from 6′2″ to 6′9″ to Even Bigger. its like fighting a lion AND raptorial bird

he’s pretty good at it! the security stuff! he does get hurt sometimes, but he can heal.

he can’t quite remember the past and frankly, he doesn’t want to. it does become relevant when his powers go out of wack 

^shades with no mask.

ive made like so many changes but basically the mask sorta helps keep himself in check. it doesnt come off easily after the whole first death thing

very heavily associated with the sun, despite his dark fur!

...........................i probably sound like a lunatic GDFLJGNDFLJGN this got long

basically even shorter version:

medieval fantasy gryphon with a lot of trauma becomes big softy bodyguard. he gives really good hugs. his main abilities are healing but hes also a crazy fuckin tank when need be

BONUS:

this was his original version- 2 different characters til i decided to just merge them 

BONUS 2: 

before i even knew of specific characters, in some aus he loses his left eye and/or left arm. if i give him an eyepatch its because of those aus and not certain existing characters i swear

BONUS 3:

people really really really want hugs from him 

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

What are ur tilda hcs?

Okay im finally gonna answer this!! Thank you so much for asking!!! I love receiving asks and I love sharing my headcanons. Sorry again it's so late ❤❤❤

This isn't gonna be nearly as well worded and eloquent as I originally planned. The first time I wrote it it basically became a drabble about her life. And then I lost that whole draft. Lmao

I just don't have it in me to recreate that whole thing again but I still wanna share my headcanons about her because I do have a lot!

I also wanna say this is in no way to like... excuse her behavior or try and redeem her. She was a terrible person. But people aren't born terrible. And I like taking 2 dimensional fictional women and making them make sense. So this isn't to excuse but instead to explain? I guess?

cw for all the shit you expect with the minyards by now, but specifically drug addiction and statutory rape. Also this is LONG so its going under a cut.

So first of all, I imagine her and Luther as being half siblings. Their father was a preacher or something- someone with a big role in their church's community and a big reputation of being a reliable, wise, holy man.

When Luther was maybe around 3 years old, there was this teenage girl in the congregation who would often come to Mr. Hemmick for advice, guidance, comfort, etc. She didn't quite fit in in school, wasn't great at academics and struggled to keep up with her siblings achievements, and was overall going through a lot of the turmoil thats unfortunately common for teenagers.

So she, like many people in the congregation, went to Mr Hemmick for guidance and ended up seeing a lot of him. She felt listened to and believed in with him. She felt like he treated her as more mature than the way her family treated her. She trusted him. He abused that.

If you asked her at the time, she would have said it was consensual between them. But she was 16. And when she became pregnant, he turned on her REAL fast lemme tell you. He made her promise not to tell anyone that he was the father, and he only told his wife. And of course, when he told his wife, he talked at length about how this 16 year old girl tempted him to sin; how he regretted it and only hoped she could learn to truly find God.

So he took the child in upon being born as a way to "attone" for what he'd done, but the whole community (not knowing he was the father) just saw it as an act of good will. And of course he'd tout off a lot in his sermons about how he'd be able to give the baby a much better, holier lifestyle than a teenager who turned her back on god by having sex.

So he and his wife end up raising Tilda from birth, but they make sure she knows from the beginning the circumstances of her birth. They drill it into her that her mother was a dirty sinner and that she herself is tainted as a result. She is raised always feeling like she needs to be twice as good to even be considered half as good as her brother in her parents eyes.

Naturally, she stops trying pretty early. In middle school, I imaging her being one of those bullies. The really nasty ones who get violent at their victims for even looking at them wrong. Idk about anyone else, but in my schools growing up the fights between the girls were always way bloodier than the ones between the guys. And I imagine those as the types of fights she got in- especially when one of her victims decides to stand up for themselves by throwing her own baggage back in her face.

By high school, she was thoroughly committed to the role of problem child. She would do everything she could to upset her family and get herself into shit. She'd do drugs, skip classes, show up to school drunk, stay out late, etc. In addition to all this, she would purposefully find whatever guy seemed like the most trouble and take him home. Whether this was the school drug dealer, a boy who got expelled for some rough shit, or college boys who caught her eye at parties.

So she's basically dug this hole for herself where she's committed to actually being the child of sin that her family has always seen her as anyway. The few people who tried to reach out to her wouldn't get far. She would push and push at them to see how far she could stretch their patience (to see how long it took them to give up on her like everyone else).

She even had one teacher who never did give up on her. But she outright told Tilda that she can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Those words would ring in Tildas ears for years to come, even if she never found it in herself to put the concept into action.

So eventually she'd graduate- just barely because she rarely put in effort in school- and she'd be left to suddenly have to find a place in the world when she previously never even thought she'd have a future. She started batting heads with her family even more (which no one thought was possible at that point) but it became less antagonistic on her end. She was still a shit stirrer, don't get me wrong. But she was getting tired. The fights were less about her being intentionally aggrevating and aggressive and more about her continuously being unable to live up to their expectations.

Luther already had a promising job as a cop at this point, meanwhile she was still living at home and bouncing between jobs that barely kept her afloat and boyfriends that barely made her feel worth something. She'd gotten into drugs in high school, and the habit only got worse now that she was out. It was the only thing that made her feel something other than misery or numbness. She could lose herself in the drugs and the boyfriends and the late nights out. She would come home to see her parents less and less and would speak to them only when absolutely necessary.

Eventually Mr. Hemmick died fairly young (heart attack or something equally as tragic. Whatever I dont care about him enough to pick the details) and his wife followed soon after by suicide. The house was left to Luther, who moved back in immediately and said there'd be changes in the household. He basically told Tilda to quit the drugs and go back to church if she wanted to stay in the house. He also had other rules like keeping a job, dumping her current boyfriend, giving her a curfew, etc.

So she left. She took her shitty beat up car an ex had fixed up for her and headed to California. A friend from high school lived out that way, so that's where she headed.

During this period in her life the drugs got a lot worse. This is also when she realized that she had become addicted. Mainly this is because, even after being away from her family and having freedom, she was still miserable. She didn't know how to get through a day sober. The constant variation between numbness and misery was too much to bare, but she wasn't ready to help herself. She wasn't ready to commit to her own healing and health.

She was in and out of therapy and rehab as quickly as she'd change jobs and partners. She wouldn't commit, and as soon as she had an out she'd take it. Had to miss an appointment for scheduling? Didn't make it back to the shelter in time to claim her bed for the night? Forgot to call back one of the few people who tried to reach out? No going back.

This is my main thing with Tilda. She was a shitty person who had a shitty life. But she never found the strength and commitment in herself to put in the work to be better. She instead let herself fall further and further down the hole because it was easier than pulling herself out. Because part of her still believed deep down that she had succeeded in living up to her birthright- that she wasn't deserving of ever healing or being better.

It was in one of these rehab facilities that she met the twins' father (and this part is absolutely inspired by Luke and Joey from the haunting of hill house). He was a guy with a similar past to hers- always sure he was meant to be bad so he committed to the role and never learned to commit to anything else. The difference between them, though, was that he was ready to get better.

They became fast friends and leaned on one another a bit while in rehab. She didn't see him as anything other than a friend, but he unfortunately became set on this idea that they would heal and move forward together. She knew he had feelings for her and enabled him (she didn't love him back but had never actually felt cared for like this before). He believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, which was a lot. Unfortunately for him, he also ended up being more committed to her healing than she was. When she eventually started spiraling again, all other feelings for him were overshadowed by the part of her that just saw an opportunity.

She took advantage of him. She slept with him, took his money while he was sleeping, and bailed to get high and never see him again. Now I'm not gonna say she was just a devil who entered this poor man's life. He saw her more as a potential for an ideal life than a person. He was more in love with the dream he had of them getting better and starting a life together than he was actually in love with her and who she was as a person. Bad match all around.

So she never saw or heard from him again. When she found out she was pregnant, she went home to Luther and his wife and son. She didn't tell him right away that she was pregnant. Instead, she pretended she was just finally ready to commit to God and turn her life around. She played the part alright for a while, went to church with them and got sober and everything, but tried to leave and move into a women's shelter when she started showing. Luther found out and brought her home.

At first he was actually super supportive- mainly because he just genuinely thought she wanted to find God and stop "living in sin". But when she finally told him she didn't plan to keep the child, he turned on her.

We know the story from there. Personally I think the night that she stole the money and ran as her point of no return. Years down the line, when she knew she was being a terrible mother and person, she'd remember that night. And she'd think to herself how this is who she was always meant to be. How she doesnt deserve to be any better than how she is. And she'd dig the hole deeper.

-----

So yeah thats my take on Tilda Minyard. Sorry it was so long. I like the idea of giving depth and complexity to female characters- even the bad guys and the ones I don't like. I have a similar lengthy life concept for Mary Hatford as well, but it isn’t nearly as long. If anyone is curious lol

Thanks again for asking!

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 9 – The Hunt

(Mando x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: After recovering you set off to find the man who tried to kill you. Killing him proves to be more difficult than expected when the ones you love are threatened, and on the other side of the choice, your own future.

Authors note: One more chapter to go!! Some angst at the end here! Hope y’all enjoy ❤️❤️❤️! (I also did some very average fan art if y’all haven’t seen it yet!)

Tw: sex is alluded to (not depicted), decapitation, force choke

Word count: 4.9k

Tagged list: @crazycookiecrumbles, @seninjakitey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet proved harder to find than expected, despite Anya's best efforts, something was fogging up her tracking causing your coordinates to be constantly in flux. She’d easily lead you past the outer rim, but since then it had been akin to a wild goose chase.

“Any idea who tried to kill you.” Din asks, he'd been exceptionally patient throughout the journey thus far. Never questioning your methods just typing in the new location coordinates calmly and re aligning the ship on its new course.

“Did kill me” you correct, as your hand moves absentmindedly over the healed wound. “but no, I dont. They had a lightsaber though”

“Was it a Jedi?” he asks earnestly.

“Well based on the context clues, I'd definitely say at least Jedi adjacent” you laugh, for a savvy strategist who knew multiple languages you sometimes found yourself questioning if his brain was in fact functioning.

“Why would a Jedi try and kill you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

“How do they decide on colors?” He asks after a somewhat awkward silence

“Hmmm” you hum out in confusion, only half paying attention to what he had said.

“The light swords? Ashoka's are blue, yours is purple and the figures, well there's was red” your heart stops.

“It was red?” you ask, sitting up in your seat giving him your undivided attention.

“Ya does that mean something?” He watches your eyes slowly piecing together what he'd just told you.

“That’s impossible, the Sith were defeated. They died with the emperor.” you affirm, your sure red was a common colour used by Jedi nowadays, sure no one had ever seen one before, but there was a first time for everything right?

“So were the Jedi.” he points out.

“Do you always have to be right?” you ask slightly irritated for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. He doesn't respond; he knows a rhetorical question when he hears one but unsure what he had done to upset you. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air, a sensation you'd never experienced with the Mandalorian before. Not wanting to stew in the quiet you head down to the lower levels and try and calm your frazzled mind. Sitting down you cross your legs, one over the other, as you close your eyes.

On the best of days meditating was a chore, but under the current situation it had become an impossible task. It wasn’t the threat of being ambushed that had you distracted, no something else was playing heavily on your mind. It was what was causing the punctuated silences, forced conversation and overall awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was your own doing. Seriously, who kisses a man whose face they've never seen! Idiots that's who and now it was stuck on your mind. In your defense you thought you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout so quickly. You should have known he’d have insisted on going with you, but you hadn't thought that far ahead, or at all and now you had to sit with the fact that you’d possibly ruined your comfortable friendship by planting one on him. Technically it wasn’t a real kiss,or maybe it was, how did Mandalorians kiss anyways? There you were down the rabbit hole again, this is why you couldn't focus, you curse yourself. Shaking your head you remind yourself it was only done in an attempt to get around him, a strategic move to protect the group, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping that in mind you manage to focus and you feel the galaxy's pulse emitting throughout the ship, inhaling and exhaling with the undulations around you.

Din, bored and missing the usually witty banter you offered him, decided it was time for him to clear the air in regards to the kiss. He hopes by telling you that he knew it was only done to get around him, you’d become more relaxed. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you'd never want to be with someone like him, at least in that way. As he turns around he sees you cross legged floating in the air, not wanting to interrupt he heads back up. Anya lifts her head as he re-enters, looking at him as if she knew what he was thinking. He’ll clear the air with you later, the two of you had plenty of time to talk.

You curse as your journey gets rerouted for what had to be the twelfth time in the past two days. Whoever was hunting you did not want to be found and no amount of swearing or whacking the console would change that. The closer you got to your destination the more you felt the malevolent presence grow. You found yourself wondering if it had always been with you, finding it hard to remember a time when it wasn't gnawing at your conscience. Each time you feel it scratching at your doors you remember Ashoka's words “be careful who you let into your head.” You'd made that mistake once with devastating consequences. You would not be making it again. Your energy was now primarily being spent keeping the presence at bay, not allowing it to penetrate any deeper than it already had. Sleeping only acted as an open invitation for the figure to torture you so you opted to forgo it altogether. Perhaps not the wisest decision, but what other choice did you have.

“The planet’s still a few days away.” Din says, noting the unraveled look in your eyes as you take your place next to him.

“Anything to do on this ship.” You ask, fidgeting in your seat. “like games or something” he doesn't respond “Hey beskar head! You awake under that helmet?”. You ask partially joking, partially annoyed that he wasn't talking to you.

“Yes.”

“Yes to games or yes to being awake?”

“To games” you smile, you never knew if he was actually making jokes or if you were just reading into it. The finer details of his personality artfully hidden beneath the metal exterior.

“Got Dejarik, you know how to play?” he asks, glad that you were back to yourself for the time being.

“I'm alright” you say smiling, you were better than alright, at least you think. To be fair you'd only ever played against one person and she was family and probably inclined to letting you win.

“You're cheating!” he exclaims, his annoyance apparent even through the modulator. Your skills were better than you expected especially after all those years, well either that or the Mandalorian was just that bad.

“How?” you ask, laughing at how frustrated he was getting. It was funny when you beat him the second time, but by gods it was even funnier when you beat him the seventh time.

“The force!” He says clenching his hand as he stares down at the board.

“I don't think the force bothers itself with helping me beat you at Dejarik.” you point out, as he grumbles something indistinguishable.

“Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are.” You tease pointing your finger at him eyebrows raised and a smirk plastered on your face.

“That’s not what I’ve been told,” he responds.

“About Dejarik or?” he laughs it off, but you seriously wanted to know the answer. After Cara told you he was allowed to have sex it was a question that you’d thought about a lot, more than you probably should have, but hey you were curious. Realizing the Mandalorian was now turning the game board over to see if it was rigged, you decide to change games.

“You still got that indestructible spear. The beskar one?” you ask nonchalantly.

“Yes, not something i'm planning on losing” he nods

“Fancy a match?” you offer you needed to work on your fighting skills, practicing on the air only went so far.

“Only if you promise not to slice through my ship.” He says, standing up.

“Only if you promise not to cry when I beat you.” you return causing him to scoff

“Oh im not going to be the one crying” he assures.

You stand in the ship's far corner across from Din who haphazardly twirls the spear in his hand as you open up your saber, raising it waiting for him to make the first move. He stays his ground, you and him were both defensive fighters and you knew he was far too stubborn to change his routine. Leaping forward you land in front of him, your saber making contact with the spear. After a few seconds spent testing his strength you know there's no feasible way for you to out muscle him. You'd have to out maneuver him. He’d seen you fight stronger opponents before so you’d have to think outside the box on this one. You move out from under the spear the release of your counter force causing Din to stumble forward. You turn aiming for his shin, but his arm reaches back the spear stopping your hit from connecting with his armour. You circle round him so you're once again face to face giving him enough time to stand back up. He turns quickly, swinging the spear as he does, aiming for your waist. You jump over the swipe landing behind him, hitting him in the back.

“Point to me.” you say

“No using the force” he says, turning to look down at you, his presence suddenly looming.

“I wasn't, I can just jump really high!” You lie.

“Likely story” he says brushing past you as he moves back to his starting spot

“What was that I said about crying earlier?” you question.

He's got you talking too long and he sweeps your feet out from under you knocking you on your ass and gently tapping you on the head with the spear.

“Point me” he says, offering you his hand.

“That was dirty” you say as he hoists you up.

“Who says we're playing clean sweetheart?” The term catches both of you off guard, but he's flustered himself more than you, allowing you to land the next two points.

“Hope your ego isn't too hurt darling.” you mock back at him as metal and light collide once again.

“It’s not over yet” he says, using all his strength to march you back towards the wall pinning you against it with his spear.

“You need to work on your attack, you leave a lot open” he says, breathing heavily.

“You need to work on a codpiece, it leaves a lot open” you retort, kneeing him in the groin, hard enough for him to drop you, but not so hard that it kept him down for long.

“Not enough beskar” he murmurs, hoping to get the last word in.

“Oh big brag for a man who just lost several games of Dejarik in a row and” your sentence is cut short as the spear taps the small of your back giving him the winning point

“And what?”

“Oh real classy Din, can’t win a fair fight” you say hand on your hip.

“It was fair considering I wasn't going 100%”

‘Oh you weren't” you mock, the smile telling him you were amused and not upset by his antics, the gentle slap on his arm further verifying this. The moments like this were nice, but as you continue to gain on your target they became fleeting. The Mandalorian watches as your ability to focus waivers, your frustration becoming increasingly evident in your training. Miraculously, you hadn't sliced through anything important, but the ship’s interior was constantly needing to be patched up. At least it kept him occupied and out of your hair. You looked like you were fighting a hidden battle, one he would gladly fight with you, if you'd let him. He didn’t know the full extent of your struggle, but he knew the anger he felt simmering inside you wasn't being aided by your refusal to sleep.

Your irritability, although caused by exerting tremendous energy keeping the figure at bay, was no excuse for the times you had lashed out at the Mandalorian. The most recent outburst occurred when he'd stepped on your foot after you had explicitly told him to watch out. In hindsight, threatening to melt his beskar down and turn it into a hearing aid for him so he could stop being such a nerf herder was a touch harsh. Alright, incredibly harsh especially considering he'd attempted to apologize before you went off on him.

“Sorry I threatened the beskar” you murmur sitting down next to him

“Are you going to tell me what's going on?” he asks

“Going on where” you ask

“Well it can't just be air in your head” he jokes, causing you to laugh for the first time in a few days.

“Seriously though , I'm sorry Ive been out of line, and it's not fair on you, you’ve been so understanding.”

“You know what might help with the outbursts?”

“A lecture?” you remark, your tone harsher than intended

“No, sleep, you should try it sometime”

“I'm fine without it” you say, the yawn escaping your lips contradicting your words.

“You should sleep.”

“ You don’t.” you remark hoping to catch him off guard, but he's obviously rehearsed this conversation a few times.

“ I don’t need to.”

“Neither do I.” You lie, almost a year later and you still had no idea how he slept so little, though your current working theory was that he would just take naps under the helmet when he thought he could get away with it.

“No, you can't sleep, there's a distinct difference.”

Not wanting to lash out at him for the third time that day and knowing he was right, you make a swift exit. You push the button that opens up to the tight sleeping quarters where you'd spent many hours lying awake. You were hoping that you'd reached an exhaustion point where your body would just shut down. You lay back on the bed not bothering with the covers, you weren't expecting to get comfortable. Anya had stopped trying to sleep in the same bed as you, usually getting inadvertently kicked or shoved out the bed by your constant movements. Your eyes can’t have been closed for more than a minute when they snap open. Despite their alertness your body's gone limp. What fresh hell was this? As your eyes adjust to the darkness you can only just make out the hauntingly familiar shape sitting at the edge of your bed. You go to call out for the Mandalorian, but no sound is emitted, nothing comes out at all not even air. You watch helplessly as the figure's arm extends ensnaring you in a choke hold, the yellow iris shining out beneath the hood, confirming your worst fear. A Sith. You scream yourself awake, the force causing items to fly to the ground, no doubt alerting the Mandalorian. You bring your knees to your chest grabbing at your scalp telling yourself it wasn’t real, but it didn't matter what you said. The truth was you couldn’t tell anymore all lines had blurred together. You get up off the bed looking around the room already exhausted at having to clean up yet another mess you had made. You lean over picking up the weapons that had fallen off the armoury hanging them back up when you hear the Mandalorian drop down the sound startling you.

“I'm sorry” you mutter embarrassed, not looking up as you move to grab the few dishes currently lying on the floor.

“What did I say about breaking the ship?” he says, chuckling slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He bends down to help you but you grab his arm stopping him.

“I made the mess. I'll clean it up.” You say gathering up the utensil and placing them back on the table absentmindedly stroking your throat as you turn to pick up the rest. As you reach for the chess board he grabs your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, leading you back over to the bed.

“Get some rest, I'll clean up,” he says softly, sitting you down on the bed.

“Stop telling me what to do Din, besides it's not working.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t and unless you can think up a way to make me then were shit out of luck.”

“I can think of a few ways.” he mumbles hoping it was loud enough for you to hear.

“Like what? Knocking me out with a blaster?” you scoff

“ A less violent way,” The words leave his mouth before he can fully assess the pros and cons of what he was offering to do.

“Reciting the entire code of conduct of the mandalore race to me?” Gods, how were you still not getting this.

“A less boring way.” He prays that you either catch on or he passes away suddenly so as to save him from any further embarrassment.

“Oh” you punctuate, lips parted slightly suddenly realizing exactly what was being offered to you “you think you can tire me out?”

“Only if you want.” he says, more confident now you hadn't outright rejected him

“Well I have been dying to see what’s under that armour”

“ You’ve seen it before”, and you couldn't wait to see it again.

“Not all of it”

“The helmet stays on,” he asserts.

“Not what I was referring to.” He stands there for a moment unsure how to proceed, not wanting to have misread the situation. “Well are you just going to stand there or are you not a man of your word?” That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“You want me to stop at any time, you just say so cyar’ika”

Once again the Mandalorian was right ; he was able to tire you out. Neither of you say anything after both at a loss for words, and not wanting to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. You fall asleep with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, as the other runs up and down your back. His heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep, his presence managing to stay off any nightmares, at least for now.

He stays with you long after you’ve dozed off watching your back rise and fall in time with your breathing, he thanks the gods you were finally resting. He intently studies the faint purple markings covering your body, wondering how long they'd been there. His hand then tracing over the scars on your back, he wants to know how you got them. He wanted to know everything. Once this was all a distant memory he’d ask, if you chose to stick around that is. Knowing you won't want to find him in your bed when you wake up, he slides his arm from your waist and quietly, so as not to wake you, he puts his clothes back on. Re-donning his armour he heads back upstairs to check on the ship.

Your body shivers inadvertently at the loss of heat and your eyes slowly open. The room’s still dark, but the Mandalorian had gone. He must have left sometime in the night presumably his way of telling you it was a one off. Knowing Din to be a man of few words you knew talking about what had just happened was fully off the table. You sit up and stretch out, allowing your elbows to pop and your shoulders to crack as you roll them out, feeling a way that you hadn't felt in months. Well rested. Making your way over to the fresher you allow the water to wash over you removing any remaining scent attributed to the Mandalorian. After dressing you head up to the cockpit, slightly bow legged from the night before. You’d had your fair share of lovers and for a human, he was very well endowed and very eager to please.

“How far” you ask brushing any thoughts about last night from your head as you shoo Anya off your seat.

“You’re up sooner than I thought.” He says looking at you. He’d noticed the slight stagger in your walk causing him to smirk under the helmet, but the smile fades when you don’t look down.

“How far are we?” you ask again, picking up Anya who’s refused to move of her own volition.

“Close. About last night” he starts, wanting to make sure everything was okay, and that you weren’t regretting what had happened.

“ Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I know it wasn’t a big deal.” You say.

“It may not be a big deal for you.” you don't know why, but you take that tone as being pointed, referring specifically to your time spent in the rings.

“Why? because I've slept with half the galaxy? Something I did in order to survive an environment let’s not forget you put me in?” you spit out

“ No, I-I didn’t mean,” he starts. It's the first time you've ever heard him stumble over his words.

“ You never do.” You say, shutting him up for the remainder of the trip.

“Dropping out now.’ He says, 5 days, that's how long it had taken to get to where you were going, whoever was on the planet was committed to not being found, or at least committed to having you as sleep deprived as possible.

You step out with the Mandalorian close behind you, the planet's surface reflecting the ship's underlights back into its metal exterior. The mirrored rock had sprouted out into various forms and sharp geometric shapes, resulting in a beautiful, but sinister skyline.

“You sure this is the place? Doesn't look like any living thing could survive here.”

“Yes, I can sense a disturbance. You stay here with Anya.” you say placing a hand on his chest plate.

“No way.” Din responds

“I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you.”

“For me?” he says in disbelief.

“Wait here if i'm not back within the hour, leave.” You state ignoring his last question.

“ I'll give you two for good measure” he offers, holding out a blaster for you to take.

“It won't help.” You say pushing it back towards him before pulling up your hood and setting off into the unknown. Once he's sure you're out of sight, he follows you.

You close your eyes, letting your senses lead you through the sharpened planet careful not to cut yourself on the dark obsidian refelcting blurred images of the stars. A rock snaps under your foot and your eyes open. A voice calls out to you, uttering your name.

“Who are you.” you ask aloud, turning to face the cloaked figure who stands before you.

“ That is not important” he answers, lips not moving. Telepathy. So that’s how he'd gotten into your head.

“You tried to kill me I think it's at least relevant.” You return in thought.

“You came alone.” he asks, yellow eyes darting from side to side, despite the power this figure held you send a nervousness harboured deep within him, perhaps you should have brought the Mandalorian along with you.

“ Yes” you lie, hoping your force was strong enough to shield the bounty hunter.

“Good.” he snarled.

“Why did you kill me.” you ask not wanting to beat around the bush

“To see if I could. I needed to see your abilities, you’re stronger than I thought if you brought yourself back to life. The empire is rebuilding”, he offers not clearing the situation up in the least

“The empire died with Palpatine, they’re nothing but warmongering desolates now” you say shaking your head, not believing you had flown halfway across the galaxy for this.

“That’s what they have told you. We have been growing an army, led by the spirit of the emperor. We are seeking those with your abilities to help us rebuild.”

“You’ve lost your mind. The Sith were defeated long ago, the Jedi with them.” You turn to leave, no longer fearing this man, he holds no power over you.

“No” he shrieks, the sound drawing your gaze back to him, the noise frightening you slightly “You cannot leave. You cannot go. You will join us and rebuild a stronger galaxy.”

“I have no interest in joing a cult of fear and genocide.” you state calmly.

“It is more than a cult I offer you, something much better, power.” he was getting desperate, a few more days without sleep and you may have fallen for it.

“Power to what? Give you all the blood in my body so you can commit futile experiments on innocent people. You cannot create force sensitivity nor can you push it on someone who it has not chosen. Join you? No, I'll have to pass. Death and destruction will not be my path.”

“Not yet, but it will be. I see it in you, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, that will all disappear once you join us.”

“Over my dead body” You say drawing your sabre. A violent clash of red and purple ricochet off the mirrored rock, lighting up the shadowed planets.

“Your grandmother trained you well.” He exclaims.

“ If you knew her then you should know that i'd never turn” You continue the fight. Managing to back him into a rock wall. Holding saber at his throat the light purple hue gleaning in the yellow irises beneath his hood.

“I understand why you ambushed me, not much of a fighter are you.” you snarl, pushing the saber into the robe, the scent of burning fabric filling the air. Then you feel it, the pulse of the fibers interwoven throughout the galaxy, something’s amiss. Something else appears under the glow of you saber, yellowed teeth, smiling under the light. You release him pushing yourself back, he wants you to kill him.

“ Do not fear it, I have seen this moment. It is what begins your reign”

“No” you say aloud to yourself, “No” you repeat turning off the saber and turning to leave.

“If you let me live, I kill the man with you.”

The Mandalorian whose been watching from afar hasn’t heard a word spoken in a while, watching you move towards him he thinks it must be over, whoever this person was, Sith or not, you must have come to an agreement. He almost walks out from his hiding spot when you stop dead in your tracks. He sees you look up, your eyes meeting his but only for a moment, before you pivot back to face the man.

“There’s…” you start.

“Don’t play me for a fool child, I have been playing this game long before you were even a thought in your mothers pretty little head. I know he is here. I know what you feel for him. You kill me and in time you will betray him, but you’d rather that, than lose him altogether.”

There's no thought process, no decision to make. With a flick of your wrist you throw the saber. You watch as it slices through the Siths neck before returning to your hand. You close it as his head tumbles to the ground. If Ashoka's words were a warning this, this was an omen. You had made a choice and now a path of irredeemably evil was laid before you. A path you were not prepared to drag anyone else down.

“I know you're there” you say after composing yourself. “I told you not to follow me.” You say making your way to the Mandalorians hiding spot.

“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” he asks, reaching a hand out for your arm.

“Nothing.” You say dodging him. The less he knew the safer he'd be. You weighed your options in your head on the walk back, but you knew there was only one way to avoid harming anyone. You had to hide away, become anonymous. Fall back into legend, never to be seen again. It was the only way Grogu would be safe, it was the only way Cara would be safe, it was the only way Din would be safe. As the ship takes off you say three words that would change everything.

“Take me home.”

“We're on route to Hoth now,” he says reassuringly.

“No, take me to my home. Grogu is back and safe. Our deal is done. Our alliance is over” You say, eyes plastered to the windshield.

“What did he say to you?” Din stresses, but you don’t answer. Silence was the only way to stop him from convincing you to stay.

“Don’t shut me out” he says slamming his hand on the panel. You don’t flinch, you don’t even look up. “We can figure this out together.” He says softly, if you hadn’t known any better you would have thought he was pleading with you.

“You’ve done enough. Take me home. If you don’t the force will.” He resets the GPS coordinates before standing up and dropping downstairs. Anya muzzles into you as you let out a sigh blinking back the tears you felt forming.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

But You Can Never Leave [Chapter 5: Don’t Even Think About It]

Hi y’all! I’m so sorry I’ve been gone for so long...finals and job hunting got the best of me. I will be updating more frequently going forward. As always, thank you so much for reading!! 💜😘

Series summary: You are an overwhelmed and disenchanted nurse in Boston, Massachusetts. Queen is an eccentric British rock band you’ve never heard of. But once your fates intertwine in the summer of 1974, none of your lives will ever be the same...

This series is a work of fiction, and is (very) loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

Song inspiration: Hotel California by The Eagles.

Chapter warnings: Language, very very very little sexual content.

Chapter list (and all my writing) available HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @loveandbeloved29​ @killer-queen-xo​ @maggieroseevans​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @queenlover05​ @someforeigntragedy​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​ @namelesslosers​ @inthegardensofourminds​ @deacyblues​ @youngpastafanmug​ @sleepretreat​ @hardyshoe​ @bramblesforbreakfast​ @sevenseasofcats​ @tensecondvacation​ @bookandband​ @queen-crue​

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! :)

You’re in the crowd at The Rainbow, although you aren’t sure why; this has already happened.

Freddie is skulking across the fog-draped stage as he belts out the chorus of In The Lap Of The Gods...Revisited, all glistening tan skin and teased hair, a pillar of nimble black leather; John is only a silhouette in the mist. Brian looks like something that’s crawled out of a cocoon: leggy and insect-like, the sleeves of his flowing white blouse like a pair of wings. And Roger...Roger’s in the back, of course—“the hardworking one in the back,” he always says—with a glittery black kimono-like shrug hanging loosely off his bare shoulders. He’s drumming feverishly, sprays of Heineken flying off his floor tom, his forehead and blond hair dripping.

“Whoa, whoa, la la la, whoa...

I can see what you want me to be,

But I'm no fool,

It's in the lap of the gods...”

Somehow, as the fog clears, Roger’s eyes find you in the crowd. He grins in that effervescent, blameless way that he does. And now you know for sure that this is a dream; because there’s no chance Roger could see that far without his glasses.

There’s a banging noise coming from somewhere, but it’s muted, distant, splintered like an echo.

Dream Roger is fading away, dissolving as the lights shade to black on the stage. He disappears, and then Freddie does too, and then Brian, and finally John. The crowd you’re standing in is a sea of churning, indistinguishable faces.

The banging grows louder, closer. You can hear a new voice now.

You swim up from unconsciousness and punch into daylight. You’re laying on your back in bed in a small, rustic hotel room; it takes you a second to remember what the world looks like now. It’s not November at the Rainbow Theater. It’s December 11th, and you’re in Rome.  

You sit up in bed and turn towards the door. Whoever is out there is knocking so forcefully that the distressed wood rattles on its hinges.

“Hey, Dorothea Dix, wake up!” Freddie is shouting through the door.

You rub your eyes as your feet touch the cool teak floor. The band flew into Rome late last night, and has one full day to burn before their concert on the 12th. You’d pitched the idea of visiting a few museums, the Colosseum, the Pantheon, the Roman Forum, St. Peter's Basilica, maybe even the Baths of Caracalla or the Temple of Venus and Roma; but it had been difficult to get anyone to commit at 2 a.m. when you were all exhausted and dragging luggage into the modest, quite geriatric hotel. Queen may finally have a Top 20 album in the U.S., but the streets aren’t paved with gold just yet.

“Darling, need I remind you that this was all your idea, you simply must wake up this instant—!”

You swing the door open. Freddie is standing in the hallway in a vivid yellow-and-black jacket and white jeans, tall boots, dark hair huge and curly, folded aviator sunglasses peeking out of his pocket.

“Get ready, bitch,” he says, grinning, then slips the sunglass over his dusky eyes. “All those gorgeous marble blokes with their cocks hanging out aren’t going to ogle themselves.”

~~~~~~~~~~

You start with the ruins, then end up at the National Roman Museum after lunch. Brian and Chrissie meander through the halls of cracked marble goddesses and heroes and piecemeal fractions of bodies, their hands intertwined; Chrissie took a few days off work to meet the band in Rome, and she’s glowing with the thrill of being reunited with Bri. Freddie is contemplating the displays, tapping his chin thoughtfully and chatting as John nods along and sketches in his notebook. There’s a photographer scurrying around snapping photos of the band for some magazine, to the vexation of the museum employees. They scowl from the corners of the rooms, their suits pristine and arms crossed, muttering to each other in Italian.

Roger leaps in front of a hulking statue of Perseus and mimics the pose. “What do you think?” he asks you, wielding an invisible spear. “Am I courageous? Divine? A mirror image?”

“You’ll have to work on the hair. And gain like a hundred pounds.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Pounds?!”

“Whoops. Kilos. A lot of kilos. But I think I like you as you are. Can I see your hands?”

Roger falls out of his pose, smiling. “Yes ma’am.” He presents his palms for inspection. The first weeks had been hell for him as his hands were worked into touring shape, repeatedly blistered and worn raw, iced and treated and bandaged by you each night only to be pummeled all over again the next day. Of course, Roger hadn’t described it that way; he shrugged at the blood and swollen knuckles, his eyes already alight with the promise of future shows. That’s just a casualty of fame, love, he’d told you. I’d take it all again and more. The last of his blisters have healed now into discolored callouses, rough whirlpools of memories from cities like Glasgow and Bristol and Helsinki and Munich. “I can get more pounds too, you know. I’ll be swimming in them. I’m gonna buy you a mansion when we get home.”

“Not so fast, blondie.” You graze your thumbs over his rugged palms and release him. Aside from your annoyingly incessant concern for Roger, your job hasn’t proved to be too taxing: there have been sprains, minor lacerations, severe hangovers, some alcohol poisoning, and one case of syphilis that you identified and sent the unfortunate man to a doctor for, all of which afflicted the roadies rather than the band.

“How’s Jo doing?” Chrissie calls over from where she and Brian are scrutinizing a sculpture of Apollo. She tosses Roger a smirk.

“Fine,” he replies briskly. “It was amicable. She understood. Nothing personal, just with the tour and everything we knew it wasn’t going to work out. Bad timing, that’s all.”

“Hm. That’s not exactly how she described it.”

Roger sighs, irritated. “Well, Chris, I really can’t control what she chooses to tell you, can I?”

“Shhhh. Play nice, love,” Brian coos, massaging Chrissie’s shoulders.

Roger pops a cigarette between his lips and moves to light it. A museum employee rushes over, waving his arms frantically. “Per favore, signore, no smoking near the exhibits—!”

“Oh, right, right. Sorry.” Roger tucks the cigarette away, then turns back to you. “Okay, no mansion then. What’s your fancy? Diamonds and gold? Tigers on leashes?”

“A harem of sensual Italian men?” Freddie suggests. Chrissie bursts out laughing.

“I hope not,” Roger says.

“You know what I really want?” you say, eyeing busts of Hadrian and Nero.

“What?” Chrissie asks.

“A camera. A really good one. To document all of this, our adventures. I mean, I know we have...” You wave towards the magazine photographer, who’s mostly snapping shots of Freddie and Roger. “But it would be nice to have my own photos. Carry them around in my wallet, force strangers to look at them, cover my refrigerator with them, all that sentimental stuff. So the minute you kids start making real money, I’d like a nice Canon. Or a Nikon. Or whatever the best camera is.”

“The Canon F-1 is quite good,” the photographer offers.

“Perfect! Clearly, I know nothing about cameras. And will need a hefty instruction manual. But I’m still excited.”

Roger winks. “I believe in you.”

As you all wander into the next room, Freddie spies a grand piano and sprints to it. He slides onto the bench and begins testing the keys. A distraught museum employee appears instantly.

“Signore, please, this is for the museum staff only, please signore!”

“Oh relax, darling, I won’t break it.” He begins experimenting with some light, jazzish melody.

“I love Rome,” you decide as you stroll past the Aphrodite of Menophantos. “Are you sure we can’t stay here forever?”

John frowns as he shades in whatever he’s drawing in his notebook. “It’s too bad we couldn’t make it to Florence.”

Freddie rolls his eyes from the piano. “Deaky, darling, this Dante’s Inferno obsession has got to go. It’s positively morbid.”

“He ends up in paradise,” John protests wryly.

Freddie snorts. “Yes, well, Florence is a three hour drive each way. Next time perhaps. Once we’ve all got private jets and Nurse Nightingale over there has her posh camera.”

“And we’ve acquired trophy wives to pose with us,” Brian jokes. Chrissie squeals and shoves him good-naturedly.  

“We could go to the beach,” John proposes.

“A seaside rendezvous?” you say playfully.  

Freddie hums and nods as his fingers fly over black and white keys.

“Signore...” the museum employee begs. The photographer circles Freddie and the piano, snapping picture after picture.

“The beach?!” Roger whines. “It’s too cold for that! We can’t swim, we can’t sunbathe practically naked, what’s the point? And we’re checking out that club tonight. The one by the hotel, what’s it called, Fred? El Fuocolio?”

“Il Fuoco,” Freddie corrects, amused.

“Ah. Forgive me for not keeping up with my Italian.”

“We don’t all listen to opera, you know,” you tease Freddie. He peers over at you thoughtfully, then continues playing. “I’ll go to the beach with you, John.”

He almost drops his notebook and pencil. “Will you?”

“Of course. I’ll have fewer opportunities in my life to see the Italian seaside than get tipsy and evade dodgy men at some bar, most likely. Although I will miss seeing your dancing.”

“Aww!” Now Roger is dejected, his huge blue eyes pleading. “You have to come with us.”

“Next time,” you promise him.

“This time.”

“Next time.”

“Fine.” He points at John. “Don’t let her get eaten by a shark or run off with some Italian playboy.”

John grins. “I’ll do my best.”

Two burly security guards arrive and begin shouting at Freddie in Italian. “Oh fine, fine!” he snaps as he stands and abandons the piano. The museum employee beams triumphantly.

“Fred, I think we’ve tormented them enough,” Brian says.

“Bri, can we go to the beach too?” Chrissie asks. “Please?”

“It’ll be chilly.”

“I have a jacket. And I can borrow yours if necessary.”  

Brian chuckles. “Okay. We can go. Ostia’s the closest one, I suppose.”

“You’ll love it,” you tell him. “It’ll be like time travelling. You get to stand on the same shore that the ancient Romans did, bury your feet in the same sand, watch the same sunset. That should appeal to an astrophysicist such as yourself.”  

“How poetic,” John muses.

Roger comes to you, shrugs off his black leather jacket, drapes it over your violet sweater.

“Roger, don’t—”

“I’ll miss you,” he interrupts, smiling, then presses his lips fleetingly to your forehead.

~~~~~~~~~~

The four of you take a crowded, decidedly unglamorous bus to Ostia and walk the beaches under the fading afternoon sun. It is chilly by the crashing water, and the wind whips across your cheeks forcefully enough to sting; but none of that stops you. Brian and John collect seashells, and Brian retreads all the details of the tour—all the things he wishes he could do over, all the things he wants to change going forward—as John listens, smoking and nodding when appropriate. You and Chrissie kneel in the cool sand and shape castles with your hands, giggle about how messy and lopsided they are, scribble notes in the soft sifting remnants of stone and quartz: Chrissie loves Bri, Buy Sheer Heart Attack today, Queen was here. And you’re thinking about Roger more than you should be, and Chrissie knows it; but she’s not going to say anything about that now.

When the boys come back, Bri sits in the sand next to Chrissie and begins to decorate her castle with the shells he found: scallops and clams and tulip shells and oysters and tiny lightning whelks. She claps and hugs him, leaps into his lap, pulls him in for a kiss.  

“This is terribly unfair,” you say, staring morosely at your now even less impressive sandcastle.

John appears beside you and offers a massive pink conch filled with very small, pristine, glossy shells. You gasp and clasp a palm over your heart.

“Really?!”

“Yeah,” he says, puzzled. “Who do you think I picked them for?”

“You’re the best. The absolute best. A treasure. I owe you my life. Wait...” You pick up a thin shard of driftwood and write into the side of your sandcastle: John Deacon, and then a heart encircling it. “You are officially lord of the sandcastle.”

“A prestigious position, surely,” he says, smiling, then passes you the conch. “Go on.”

As you place the shells, he finds a dried bit of seaweed and impales it on the piece of driftwood, then plants the makeshift flag on the tallest tower of the castle.

Brian glances over and shakes his head, his mess of curls shivering. “Chris, love, I fear we’ve been outdone.” Then he nods to the words you and Chrissie carved with your fingertips. “Leaving letters in the sand?”

“Promotional material,” you quip; but you can tell the wheels in Brian’s magnificent mind are whirling.

As the sun sets over the Mediterranean Sea, golden speckles of light floating disembodied on the waves, the four of you get gelato and browse through bookstores and wander down cobblestone streets. And on the bus ride back to the hotel, Brian points out constellations as you hold the conch shell in your lap and doze against John’s shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian and Chrissie depart to get dinner when you arrive back at the hotel, taking the rare opportunity for a date night. You try to think of a more romantic destination than Rome. Paris? New York? Venice? Probably none of those. You push the images that flood your thoughts away: candlelit meals with violins serenading in the background, the warm cascading glow of streetlights, tossing coins into fountains older than either London or Boston, gazing over the table and into the ensnaring oceanic eyes of the person who won’t be there. Roger.

“Do you think Roger and Fred are back yet?” you ask John in the lobby. He’s still got his notebook in his jacket pocket, but he won’t let you see it.

“I doubt it, but let’s find out.”

You ride the elevator to the band’s floor, still clutching the conch shell, as John fields ideas for dinner.

“Roger’s going to want pizza and beer, but we might be able to get Freddie to go for something more swanky. Actually, he’ll probably order dessert first. There’s a restaurant down the street that I heard has phenomenal tiramisu and lasagna.”

“Oh god. I would kill for a good lasagna.”

“No need for all that,” John says. “We don’t have enough cash for your bail.”

“If they serve lasagna in prison, you can leave me here.”

“But then who would patch up our debaucherous roadies?!”

You laugh as the elevator lurches to a halt and the doors open. “Just call me up in prison and I can talk you through it—”

You step out and turn down the hallway; then all the air vanishes from your lungs. Roger’s fumbling with his key as he tries to get into his room...and pressed between him and the door is a raven-haired, modelesque woman in a short red dress. His eyes are closed, her tongue darting between his lips, his free hand skating up her bare thigh and beneath her dress. And suddenly you’re being dragged back into the elevator, John’s arms locked around your waist. He hits the button for the lobby then reaches for you uncertainly.

“Are you okay—?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m totally fine, I’m...” But for some reason, your throat is burning and your eyes are blurring with tears. You try to blink them away and they drop down your cheeks like rain.

“You’re not,” he realizes softly.

“Goddammit,” you choke out, sobbing.

“Hey, don’t do that,” John pleads. “Please don’t do that, please don’t cry—”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, this is so stupid...” You fan your face and try to wrangle your breathing. The way he was touching her...I can’t forget the way he was touching her. “I am so stupid.”

“You’re not,” John flares. And when he opens his arms you rush into them, burying your face in his jacket as he pulls you closer, drowning you in his warmth. “You’re not stupid,” he says, quietly but severely. “You’re wicked smart and wonderful and perfect, so you’re not allowed to say anything to the contrary. Alright?”

“Okay,” you whisper. And it occurs to you—as your breathing slows, as your tears subside—how incomparably comfortable this feels, homey even.

John clears his throat. “Hey, not to break this up or anything, but you’re sort of stabbing me with the conch shell.”

Incredibly, you laugh as you back away, swiping at your eyes. “Sorry.”

The elevator doors open, and John leads you out into the lobby. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he says. “We’re going to go to that restaurant on the corner and I’m going to order a lasagna—”

“John, I don’t think I can eat anything.”

“Doesn’t matter. Did I say you were going to be forced to eat it at gunpoint? No I did not. I’m going to order a lasagna, and if you want some awesome, and if you don’t we’ll just sit and talk. And you can nibble table bread or drink so much wine you forget today ever happened, whatever you want. You make the rules. But we’re going, and I’m ordering lasagna.”

“Okay,” you reply, sniffling, smiling up at him gratefully.

The restaurant is teeming with tourists, and you end up seated at a tiny table near the back with very dim lighting and a roaring fireplace. It’s deliciously hot, burning away your misery; or, at least, making it feel as if it might belong to someone else, as if maybe you heard about it from a friend or in a song, maybe even dreamed it. You take Roger’s leather jacket off and hang it on the back of your chair. When the waiter arrives, John orders for you.

“One lasagna, the biggest one you have, and extra table bread, and uh...” He skims the menu. “Two red wines and a Coke. And a sparkling water. So the lady has a selection.”

“Si, signore. Grazie.”

When the waiter leaves, John lifts off his jacket too, then unbuttons his shirt to his navel. The sweltering glow of the firelight dances across his pale skin in a way that is mysteriously distracting. “Well, it definitely doesn’t feel like December in here.”

“I’m sorry, maybe they could move us—”

“No, that’s alright, I know you like it. And one should be sweating in Southern Italy, don’t you think?” He tears off a hunk of bread when it arrives and plates it for you. The conch shell lays on the table by the salt and pepper shakers, to the visible confusion of the waiter.

“Thank you. For everything, John. Really.”

He gazes at you with those blue-grey eyes that can look like either clouds or steel depending on the occasion. Tonight they are misty, like the froth over waves, impossibly soft. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he says gently. “I don’t know if that helps at all, but I think it should. It doesn’t mean anything to someone like Roger, what you saw tonight.”

You sigh. “I guess it doesn’t. And I’m sorry, I know it’s ridiculous, I know that, and I’m just so frustrated and...and...I get it, I get that I have no right to care about anything Roger does, which is why I feel like such an idiot for reacting this way, but I just...I just...I’m just so...so fucking torn up about it and I’m sick of being surrounded by it all the time and I’m...I’m so...I’m...look, I’m sorry, can you button your shirt or something? That’s very distracting.”

“Oh, it’s distracting, is it?” John asks, grinning.

“Don’t you dare—”

He undoes several more buttons. “How about now, are you sufficiently distracted?”

“John, no!” you wail, laughing.

“I wouldn’t want to do anything to distract you from your tortured inner monologue...” He removes his shirt entirely and tosses it to the floor. “How are you now?”

“Very distracted,” you wheeze.

“Excellent.” He smiles, resting his face in his hands, the firelight flickering over his bare chest and shoulders, reflections of flames in his eyes. “See, you don’t look so sad now.”

“No, I guess I don’t.” You bite into your hunk of bread. But still, the way he was touching her...  

John sips red wine and smirks teasingly. “You know...if you ever get tired of the celibate lifestyle...I’m always game.”

You laugh, shaking your head, and open the Coke bottle. “That’s very much appreciated. But I don’t just want sex.”

“I know,” he replies, solemnly now. “You want him.”

“That’s pretty pathetic, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think you’re pathetic at all.” That seems like it must be a lie, but John sounds genuine.

“You’re my best friend, you know,” you tell him. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Certainly not get treated to authentic Italian lasagna.”

You chuckle. “I’m sure that’s the least of your talents. Veronica is a very lucky woman.”

John nods, staring down at the table now, pushing crumbs around with the back of his hand. “If you say so.”

And, in the end, you managed to eat your half of the lasagna after all.

~~~~~~~~~~

When you get back to your hotel room, it’s very late in Italy...which means it’s only early evening in Boston. You pick up the phone and resolve to use the last of your miniscule weekly allowance for a long distance call.

Your mom answers on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Guess where I am right now.”

“Hopefully on a date with that nice Roger boy.”

“Oh my god, Mom.”

She titters pleasantly. “Tell me, dear. Germany? No, no. Spain.”

“Rome.”

“Oh!” she sighs, steeped in nostalgia. “Daddy and I went there on our honeymoon! Ages ago, of course. But it was wonderful, otherworldly. Like getting lost in a fairytale. How do you like it?”

“I love it,” you murmur. “Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Always, dear.”

You twirl the phone cord around your fingers anxiously. “How did you know that Dad was the one?”

“Hm.” She pauses; and you can envision the way she takes a step back and glances up at the ceiling whenever she’s thinking something over. Oh, maybe I do still miss parts of Boston. “Well...you know Daddy wasn’t single when we met. And neither was I.”

“Yeah, I think I remember that part of the story.”

“I’m not sure if I can explain it, dear. Truly. I...” She drifts off, pondering it. Finally, she says: “I’d had plenty of other boyfriends. I’d been interested in other people. And people are all so different, they all have something unique to offer to your life, whether good or evil. But when I met your father...I just felt like I couldn’t live without him. Suddenly nothing else seemed possible if he wasn’t in the picture. Like if he wasn’t there I’d spend the rest of my life missing him. Does that answer your question?”

“It does, yeah.” You close your eyes and feel the dark Mediterranean night air breeze in through the open window. The conch shell has found a temporary home on top of the antique dresser. “I love you, Mom.”

“Aww, I love you too, honey. And you’ll make the right decision, whatever that is.”

You look out into the constellations that Brian introduced to you earlier, Aries and Fornax and Perseus. “I hope so.”

[thestarwrites]

All Right, All Might: Ch. 7

Word Count: 3,128

Rating: PG

Painting: Toshinori Yagi X FemOC

The UA Guidance Counselor, a quirk user with Pathokenesis, is shocked to find out her personal hero All Might is coming to be a teacher. The road they walk as a parallel starts to merge and there’s no telling what could happen. With the attack at the USJ over, what becomes of the friendship between Patho and All Might?

CHAPTER SEVEN: Don’t push your limits, Toshinori

“Hello miss, I’m Naomasa Tsukauchi,” he held out his hand to the woman, “its nice to meet you in person, Patho, but I wish it were under better circumstances.”

The woman shook his hand, “You… know of me?”

“Well of course I do, you’re a pro hero - not to mention Toshinori is my best friend.”

She blinked a few times, “Best friend— ah- listen, I don’t mean to be… but what about the kids?”

He nodded, “The rest of the force is heading over to the USJ now, but I wanted to ask you to accompany me to the USJ, I know you’re the guidance counselor. And I have some questions since you’re here.”

“Sure- sure of course Detective,” She blinked a few times again, walking with him to his cruiser and getting into the passenger seat - how could Toshinori have a best friend on the police force and not tell her?

He smiled warmly, trying to put her at ease, holding a hand to her arm, “Please, call me Tsukauchi.”

She nodded again, “What do you need to know, Tsukauchi?”

They started speeding toward the USJ campus, “How much do you know about what happened?”

“Not much, I was with Toshinori this morning- he was late to work, he — ah, he was…”

Tsukauchi gave a small smile, “I know about him, and One for All - you can talk freely with me, Keri.”

“O-oh,” she wet her lips and blushed, “He used too much of his strength, and Nezu had come into my office to give him a lecture. He was supposed to be at the USJ earlier… when I went wandering around wasting time I went out for a walk and that’s when young Tenya Ida ran up and alerted me to the situation. I didn’t get much out of him it all happened too fast.” Turning her head she saw a few ambulances rush by, eyebrows knitting together in panic.

“I wanted you to accompany me to bring some comfort to the kids.”

“Of course,” She watched as another ambulance sped by, “Do you know anything yet?”

“Not yet.”

She nodded, wringing her hands together, trying to compose herself.

The car skidded up to the USJ and both adults got out of the car. Keri ran over to where the kids had been gathered, her forehead and body already glowing, “Are you all alright!?” She called out.

“Miss Chairo!” Ochaco gasped, “Y-yeah we’re mostly all okay—“

“Where’s Tenya?” She said softly. Ochaco pointed, he looked to be fine, he was talking to Tsukauchi at the moment she sighed, “I’m the one who found Tenya first, I wanted to know he made it back here alright with the teachers.”

Keri made her rounds with the students, giving them all supportive touches and kind words — well, all except to Katsuki who she told he did a great job instead. But she could tell even he was shaken up, he didn’t use his usual insults.

Tsukauchi finally came over with the list of students, going over each one, “Everyone seems to be here, and uninjured.”

“What about Mister Aizawa?!” The girl named Tsu jumped forward.

“And Thirteen!?” Mina, stood forward to ask as well.

“And Deku!?”

“Yes— Midoriya—“ Ida chimed in.

Keri looked up at Tsukauchi, wanting to know the answers as well.

“Aizawa is in the hospital now, no brain damage apparent, but his bones in his arms are splintered and one of his eye-sockets is also shattered… we don’t know how his vision will heal in his recovery. As for Thirteen - apart from some lacerations on her back, she’ll make a full recovery,” the detective paused a moment, “Oh— Izuku, he is in Recovery Girl’s office, that should be all the care he needs, and he’ll be good as new.”

“What about All Might?” Keri’s voice cooed gently.

Tsukauchi smiled a little, “He’s in the nurses office as well, he’ll be fine.” The kids all breathed a sigh of relief, “Now, I’m going to head to the main campus, I want to speak with All Might — Patho, can you handle everything here?”

She nodded, “Of course, Tsukauchi.” Turning to all of the kids she gave a small smile, “Come on, lets all get back on the bus and head back to the school, I’m sure you’re all exhausted and ready to call it a day…”

—————

Toshinori clutched his fist and smiled, “Mark my words, these kids are going to be GREAT heroes...”

Deku beamed, wiping his eyes on his arm, he was about to say something else to the detective, until…

“Toshi!?” A woman’s voice, full of concern rang through the doorway as it almost burst open. Tears streamed down her face as she stood there looking in at her coworker covered in bandages, she was finally able at the end of this long day to come and see him. She had been so worried- even though she knew he was alright. She had been distracted with taking charge of the kids and the end of the school day to seek him out yet.

Recovery Girl looked up, “Keri—! Come now-  there’s no need to burst in here like that! Keep your voice down please,” She sighed, shaking her head. She knew she would be seeing Patho sooner or later, All Might was here, and injured after all.

There was no stopping her, she rushed to his bedside and under the surprised glances of the three others in the room, Keri sobbed as she collapsed by the side of him, crying in his lap, “Oh Toshinori— thank god you’re okay!! I was so worried!”

For a moment he was floored- no one had ever acted like this for him before. He felt the familiar nagging feeling bubble up in his chest as he gently pulled up her chin, ‘Hey.. hey… come here,” He helped her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her crying form. She was so warm, so kind, so concerned- just for him. With her, he could always find a reason to smile, “Hey now...” he lifted her chin once more and wiped tears from her cheek with his other hand, “What’s with the waterworks now, Ree? This old man’s just fine...”

She looked at him with a trembling lip, “I-I’m sorry I— Tsukauchi said you were here and you were injured... I got here as soon as I possibly could!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay Keri I promise.” He pulled her into another hug, “I’m alright, I’m right here. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

Recovery Girl cleared her throat, Tsukauchi turned to speak to her in the other room, but Deku, who was bed-bound for the time being, watched as the two people he trusted most, embraced. His eyebrows knitted for a moment as he realized that All Might was gingerly stroking her hair and whispering in her ear. As the two adults shared in this intimate moment, he realized that their bond was more than friendship.

All Might, his mentor, whether he knew it or not- loved the woman in his arms.

Izuku’s highly logical skills of observation had finally put the pieces together. All Might kept insisting they were friends. Yet, he always had his hands on her, or his body tilted toward her. She knew everything about him, they were often together. They ate lunch together during break. Whenever his phone rang, and it was her, he grinned. He always remembered to bring her little snacks she liked to school. These were all the behaviors of a devoted boyfriend in Izuku’s mind.

The boy stared at Patho and All Might as they continued to embrace. He hummed gently and looked out the window, had they been secretly together all this time?

“Ree... I know you’re worried, but shouldn’t you be consoling the kids? They need it more than I do—“

She shook her head, “I’ve been substituting for Aizawa for the rest of the day, helping the kids and getting them set to change and get some food and get home. I told Nezu I’m going to start their counseling tomorrow, besides I— I couldn’t focus anymore on anything without seeing you Toshi.”

All Might blushed fiercely and he pushed her hair back, “I don’t deserve how much you care...”

Keri frowned, “You deserve it more than most. Besides... you’re my— best friend.” Izuku noticed there was a hesitation in her voice— she had to love All Might.

Sighing he smiled in defeat and wiped her cheeks again, “You’re my best friend too, but I’m gonna need you to pull it together okay? Young Midoriya shouldn’t see his guidance counselor crying.” He smirked, deflecting.

Blushing she swatted All Might’s hands away as she wiped her face and went over to Deku’s bed, “How are you doing, Izuku?? I’m so so happy you’re alright.” She smiled and Deku immediately felt a calming warmth over him.

“Im okay Miss Chairo, promise.”  He gave a sleepy smile, “Don’t worry about us, we’re heroes! Right, All Might??”

“That’s right, young Midoriya!” He grinned.

Patho let out an exasperated sigh and stroked Deku’s hair back, “You two are going to give me a nervous breakdown, you know that? You’ve been doing it for months now, and with your track record, it will probably get worse.”

The three of them laughed and carried on for a while longer before Patho was told she needed to let Deku get some rest so he could go home in a bit. She kissed Izuku on the top of his head and as she left, he saw her and All Might brush fingers.

Patho spoke quietly to Recovery Girl and then left with Tsukauchi.

All might watched her leave before laying back down with a grunt.

——

Tsukauchi looked over to her once they were outside, and he took a deep breath, “So… how long have you been in love with Toshinori?”

Her cheeks flushed a bright red, her body glowing pink instantly as she looked up, “Tsukauchi—! W-we just met— That’s a really forward question!”

He shrugged, “He’s my best friend, and he’s never talked to me to a woman before you. I see the way you look at him and tend after him. He even talks about how you make sure he eats and sleeps regularly - and how you are trying to make him realize his weaker form is beautiful as it is…” He wet his lips, “Something is going on.”

“So what is this conversation exactly…? A dissuasion?”

He chuckled, “No of course not… Toshinori needs someone to make him take care of himself, and to care for him the way he cares for others… no matter what comes of you two, I’m thankful you’ve been looking out for our number one hero, Keri.”

She nodded and smiled, “I’ve been in love with him since the day I first saw him when I was six years old… but a lot of people love him.”

“You know… I didn’t expect such deflection from a therapist.” Tsukauchi smirked.

Keri rolled her eyes, blushing, “Fine. He asked me to dinner the second day we met, and he’s just… he’s so much more than All Might. Not that All Might isn’t amazing! But… Toshinori… he’s so,” she paused for a second and felt her throat tighten, “He’s warm, and he’s generous, and he believes in a better future. Even when he’s melancholy he still has a childlike wonder!  I even think it’s funny how much he loves American movies and TV…”

Tsukauchi smiled brighter, “Yep. He needs someone like you.”

Keri looked up and just smiled a little, “Don’t say anything to Toshi?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not a tattletale.” He laughed and sighed, “He’ll probably be coming down soon, maybe he’ll need a calming presence when he does.” He winked and walked off toward his car with a wave, “Take care Keri.”

“Bye, Tsukauchi! Take care!” She waved and took a deep breath, pushing her long hair back, looking up to where the recovery office was before taking a seat on the front steps of the school.

——

Deku looked over and bit his lip, “All Might?” When he looked over, Deku cleared his throat, “Um... are you and.... Miss Chairo- dating?”

“Huh?!” The pro shot back up, “No— no? No! No...” he exhausted tones of voice before blushing and coughing up some blood, “She’s my friend! That’s all, young Modoriya. She’s a really, really good friend.”

He swallowed, “Oh… well okay, it’s just, you two are always together, and when you aren’t you’re always in contact. And you... introduced me to her before the entry exam…”

“BECAUSE SHE’S A GREAT ALLY IZUKU.” His cheeks were redder.

“No I know she is! She’s a great person! When we talk she’s always kind and helpful. I just.... the way you are together, and how she knows your secret, and about me… I just thought maybe it was a secret relationship?”

He pushed his hair back, “A-ah yes, well— No- no we’re friends! Besides I’m old enough to be her father so that’s just… ridiculous.” He laughed it off.

“All Might?” Recovery Girl came back into the room, “You should be healed enough to head home and rest- Izuku, it’ll be a couple more hours for your legs, dear.”

Toshinori nodded and slowly got out of bed, giving a manly thumbs up to Deku before he returned it with a smile. He took a deep breath, all the students should be gone by now.

Walking out of the front door in his small might form, he looked up at the sunset in the sky, the echo of Midoriya’s words in his ears; are you and Miss Chairo dating? He had not been the first to ask him a question like that. Maybe… maybe there could be something.

“Hey,” A familiar female voice called out softly, “Taking a risk walking out here looking like that, huh?”

Toshinori turned abruptly and then smiled in surprise, “Hey, Ree. Can’t be helped, I got an empty tank… What are you doing here?”

“I stuck around in case you got released,” she blushed, “I needed to be with you.”

Without thinking, he crossed to her and pulled her close, a sigh of relief leaving his lips, “I need to be with you right now, too.” He whispered.

“Come home with me tonight, you need to sleep in a real bed instead of that horrible futon you own for some God forsaken reason. Besides, then I can make sure you’re actually taking care of yourself instead of eating junk food and overdoing it.” She huffed.

Grinning he took a moment to cherish this. Maybe... maybe he did sort of love her. Not sort of. He did. He loved her.

Keri buried her face into his small but firm chest. Her heart ached to be like this always. The strangest thing was that, after today, she was even more attracted to him when he was small might. His heroic qualities shined through his blue eyes, his voice was like rough silk, so unsure of himself and sure about everything at once, “Gonna answer me?”

Toshinori smiled, “I accept.”

——

The walk back to her apartment near campus was a quiet one. After a few blocks she cleared her throat, “Toshi… you know that you— can’t keep going like this.”

He knit his brows together and looked over, there was a pit in his stomach, “What? Going like what?”

“You’re not strong enough to keep jumping in front of everyone like this anymore! First this morning draining all your energy - then, God, Toshi, this afternoon?”  

“Keri, come on now,” His tone was soft and he turned his body to face her.

“No! You have to listen to me!” She stopped on the sidewalk and her hands flew up to her eyes, she was desperately trying to hide her tears from him, rub them away, she’d already cried too much today, “Your heart has never faltered, never, not once! You are good, and kind, and honest, and true- but your body, Toshi, your body is faltering!” She let out a choked sob, “I can’t lose you!” She blurted out.

“Hey, hey—“ he swiftly came to her and wrapped his bandaged limbs around her, holding her close, he felt terribly that he was causing her so much pain. This reminded him exactly why he never got married or into a committed relationship. Stroking her hair she cried into his baggy shirt, his own eyes pricked with tears as she began to glow pink. He could feel her sorrow, “Please- please, baby, don’t cry...” he cooed softly. The pet name failing to reach either person’s brain, “I’m just fine... I promise..”

“THIS time,” she looked up at him, cheeks red, long hair sticking to her tear stained face, “THIS time you’re fine! What about next time! Or, or the time after that!”

All Might took a deep breath, “Listen to me Keri. Please? I need to do what I’m meant to do. You need to understand that, you need to. To /know/ that I /need/ to be this,” Pushing her hair aside he caught her chin to tilt her to look at him, “I was like Midoriya,” he admitted, “I was born without a quirk. And eventually the power I passed down /will/ leave me. And I /will/ be a quirkless, scrawny, old man. You gotta understand, I /gotta/ be All Might for as long as I’m able to be. I have to protect those kids, I have to protect Japan, I have to protect you, Keri. Until Izuku is ready,” He took a shaky breath, “Do you understand?”

The light of the setting sun danced across his features. He looked like a towering sunflower in the wind. She thought about what she had admitted to his friend Tsukauchi. She couldn’t be selfish enough to try to derail his life’s passion for her feelings. Taking her own shaking breath she nodded, “I understand.”

“Things will be different one day,” he started, “And when they are— when they are we can talk about it then.” He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it tenderly.

Keri wasn’t sure what that meant, but it was enough. She gave him a nod and took his large hand in her own, holding it to her cheek, a thumb came to brush a tear from her cheek. Turning into his touch she kissed his palm, “Come on, let’s go home, I’ll cook something for you.”

“Home. That sounds, really nice.” When she pulled his hand from her face, he held firm to her hand as they continued the final few blocks to her apartment, lacing their fingers together.

[glrlwlthluv]

Him // Zabdiel De Jesùs

hey loves ! i’m sorry i haven’t been active as much, when i was working and dealing with stuff mentally, i needed a break. despite the hard times everyone is going through right now, i hope ou are all doing well and staying safe/healthy with your families. if you need anything or anyone to talk to , im always here and i hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)

word count: 11.7k+

|| prev. ; next ||

The feeling never left your system. The pain and sadness that aches your heart were still there and haven’t left ever since the feelings made its way into your life. You try to push the feelings away by going for walks in your neighborhood, baking cookies late in the night, reading books at the bookstore near your place, things that would make you busy and bring a smile to your face and yet, none of them worked.

Zabdiel was still running through your mind and you didn’t know how to get him out of your head. Your mind and heart were used to the fact that Zabdiel was part of your daily routine and always in your life. Now that he wasn’t part of it, the feeling was foreign to you. For as long as you can remember, you and Zabdiel were joined at the hip. That you didn’t remember what it felt like to be on your own without calling, talking, face timing and overall interacting with him. Ever since the fight between Zabdiel, everything was different. There was no more going to talking to Zabdiel about your day, checking in on how he was doing, talking about the music they were working on and joking around while laughing at jokes he’d make. There was no more going over each other’s places when there were ups and downs of your friendship and now everything has changed, you didn’t know if it would ever be the same.

Today was one of those days again where you would stay in bed at your apartment, not wanting to go out and socialize. All you wanted to do was watch television, maybe eat if you had an appetite, and sleep. You didn’t have any motivation whatsoever to go out and be productive and luckily, you were still able to work at home rather than having to go to the studio and see the face of the person you still love, you couldn’t handle it. You couldn’t handle seeing his face without wanting to cry, you couldn’t handle seeing the smile that plastered his face and you knew he was faking it, you couldn’t handle the truth. Though you knew what the truth was, your mind or more of your heart still couldn’t handle that things between you and Zabdiel still weren’t solved. The fight you had with Zabdiel affected not only you, mentally and physically, but emotionally.

You mentally couldn’t get over the fact of what Zabdiel had said to you. You knew it was selfish, but at the same time, you had to get over him and he needed to focus on himself and at the time, his own relationship. Though trying to get over Zabdiel didn’t work, you had good intentions not only for you but for him as well. You knew he deserved to be happy and though it wasn’t with you, whoever made him happy, you’d not only be there for him but be his best friend, you’d steer him in the right direction even if it cost you your own feelings to get hurt. Having Zabdiel in your life as a best friend was better than not having him at all and it kept mentally fucking with your head that through it all, Zabdiel and Gwen ended up not working out and you never heard from someone who was supposed to be your best friend.

If he didn’t like how things ended, why didn’t he reach out?

Why was he waiting for you to say or do anything about it?

Did he think that it was on you to reach out?

The games your mind was playing was affecting your day to day life to a point where you gave up and questioned every little thing.

Physically, you didn’t want to get up. You didn’t have any motivation to get up out of bed or out of your apartment and do anything productive or even go outside for a walk. Your mind wanted to keep you in this deep, dark and endless hole that took over not only your mind but most of all your heart. It felt as though your whole body was weighed down by the hurt and pain Zabdiel had caused you, all up to this very point in your life, and started to tear your body apart. Piece by piece, until you gave up and let the weight of it all win. Emotionally where could you start? The man whom you called your best friend, the man whom you loved with all you had, the man whom you called when you needed a shoulder to cry on and all of the above. 

You could go on and on about Zabdiel but you were stuck on one thought that had been bothering you for some time since the fight broke out, How could one man affect a person so much to a point where the person affected can’t function without them? Before your mind could go deeper into thought, a knock on your door rang throughout your apartment. No one had come over in what felt like weeks so it surprised you that someone was at your door. With however much energy and strength you had left, you made your way to your door and open it.

“Bonita, you look a mess. Have you eaten? Have you slept? Have you taken care of yourself?” You groan not only from the light that made its way into your dark apartment but from Richard’s loud voice that rang throughout your apartment. You shut and locked your door after Richard came in. You turn around and were met with an empty apartment but you could hear Richard’s voice and found out it was coming from your room. You made your way to your room slowly, feeling as though there was a weight strapped to your ankle and as you entered your room, Richard pulled back the curtains to let the light in which blinds you.

“AY DIOS MIO!! WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD?! CLOSE THE FUCKING CURTAINS BEFORE I SOCK THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!! THE LIGHT IS BLINDING MY FUCKING EYES DUMBASS!!” You groan and make your way to your bed in which you bury yourself in your covers to hide away from the light that now fills your once darkened room. Not a second later, the covers were pulled off your body by none other than Richard and by that time, you couldn’t fall back asleep so you sat up.

“Y/n. Amor. It’s 3 in the afternoon and you’re here asleep? Is this what you’ve been doing for the past weeks since what happened between you and Zabdiel? Y/n, I know you’re hurting right now more than anything and I know that and though Zabdiel hurt you unintentionally, you need to pick yourself up and try to carry on with your life whether he ends up coming back or not, that’s up to him at this point pero, you can’t wait for him Y/n. You can’t work your life around someone’s decision that might not ever come. I know it’s sad to say and it sucks but it's the truth. How will you move on if you keep holding onto the person that hurt you most? Who had taken advantage of you and your kind heart? Who always came to you when he needed a shoulder to cry on because he knew you’d ALWAYS be there for him, but when you needed him, he wasn’t there for you like you were for him. When will the pain and suffering of your heart end amor? It starts with you and the decisions you make from this point forward. I know you will find the person in your life who will make your heart race, who will always be there to pick you up when you’re feeling down, who will shower you with the love and happiness you deserve in this lifetime and more. Who will remind you every day that you are loved by them when you feel like no one does, who will remind you that you are never truly alone because they’re there by your side. Who will always make you feel beautiful even when you don’t feel like it, and more. This fight between you and Zabdiel, it's an obstacle in your life that God and the universe has given you to see how you’ll handle it along with a lesson that is coming out of it. I don’t know why people like you and I go through rough patches in our love life, get our hearts played with and more shit than we can imagine, but from experience, I know you will heal from this and will be able to move forward with your life, but in order to heal from this, you have to pick yourself up and move on little by little and know you’re not alone. You’re never alone because you have me, the boys, Clara, your family, and friends. As long as you’re alive and part of our lives, you are NEVER alone Y/n and I can promise you that.”

As Richard finished with his speech, you didn’t realize he sat on your bed in front of you, looking with concerned eyes. Before you could think of anything, you lean forward and hug Richard, collapsing into his arms and before you knew it, the tears that you didn’t know that were waiting to come out, spill out of your eyes and onto Richard’s shoulder. Richard wraps his arms around you, one hand rubbing your back and the other running through your hair trying to calm your cries down.

The words Richard had told you hit hard and different this time. He was right, it was hard to accept, but he was right about it all. You couldn’t wait for Zabdiel. You couldn’t wait to hear from him or for him to come and finally say something because he would’ve done that already. He needed to figure out his life and so did you. You didn’t want to dwell on the pain and hurt Zabdiel had caused you. You let go of Richard and wipe the tear away with your hands.

“Lo siento. I didn’t mean to ruin your shirt,” before you could say anything else, Richard lets out a light laugh and looks at you. He wipes away the tears left on your face and gives you a small smile.

“You’re okay Y/n. It’s okay to cry, you’re hurt and in pain. It’s better to let it out instead of keeping it to a point where you won’t be able to handle it anymore and it bursts out. Like Shrek said, “Better out than in, I always say.” Let it out, you’ll feel better after and you know that.”  You laugh at what Richard had said and thought about it. Again, he wasn’t wrong because letting it all finally come out felt better. It hurt but letting it out, crying it out, screaming and talking about it, you could feel weight being lifted off your shoulders. You're so lost in thought that you don’t notice Richard by your room door until he calls your name and you snap out of it.

“Y/n. Y/n? Earth to Y/n? Y/N! Now that I have your attention? I’m going to let you get yourself ready and while you do That, I’m going to get us some lunch. Make sure you wear something to go out in because we’re getting you out of this place and you’re going to have fun. You can choose and let me know by the time I get back or I’m choosing.” With that, Richard leaves you to get ready before you say anything. You mentally remind yourself to thank Richard at the end of the day for what he’s doing to help you. 

You sit and continue to let your mind get lost in thought before Richard interrupted. The weight that lifted off your shoulders made you feel like a piece of you that was lost, had been found. You smile to yourself and go to your side table to pick up your phone to see many missed messages and calls. You sigh and clear the notifications, not bothering to look at who had called or texted. You walk to your closet, thinking of what you wanted to wear and where you’d want to go. You wanted to wear something comfortable that you were also able to go out in and as you skimmed your closet, you found the perfect outfit. You pulled out your loose white t-shirt, along with your long cream cardigan to keep you warm incase it got cold. You pulled out your light denim jeans that had a couple rips along with your black combat boots. You lay your outfit on your bed along with your shoes lined up next to your bed and head to your bathroom. You decide that today was going to be a different day than the others you had. You turn on your shower and wait for the water to get warm. While waiting, you decide to go out to your room and grab your speaker to bring to the bathroom. You unlock your phone and connect it to your speaker and browsed through your music, deciding to put it on shuffle since the water has heated and you didn’t want to waste any. Not long later, “Tusa” by Karol G and Nicki Minaj erupts from the speakers and you start singing along to the lyrics, making sure you don’t fall in the shower. You’re almost done when you hear Nicki Minaj and let whatever you were feeling out.

“‘Cause I know I’m the baddest bitch you ever really met

You searchin’ for a badder bitch ain’t you ain’t met her yet”

You ended up almost screaming the lyrics, letting the anger and pain out of your system. To you, out of all the lyrics in the song, those stuck out to you. Though Zabdiel and you were never together, you realised that you were someone he couldn’t replace. You wanted to finally move on from him having a hold on you and that starts by realizing your own worth. You turn off your shower, change and decide to do your make-up. You grab your make-up and bring it to your bathroom, you decide to not put too much on and go with a natural look. Your speaker was still blaring out music as you continued to do your make-up. You heard an up-beat song and you knew exactly what was playing, “Break Up Song” by Little Mix. You grabbed your hairbrush on top of your sink and decide to yell out the lyrics.

“Ain't no more tears (Oh)

Ain't gonna cry (Oh, oh-ho)

Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind

I'm gonna dance (I'm gonna dance) 

Under the lights (Under the lights)

Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind”

You dance around your bathroom singing the lyrics in front of the mirror. You didn’t realize Richard had come back from getting both of you food because when you turned around, you almost screamed loudly. He was standing in the bathroom doorway laughing at you. You groan, pause the song and punch his arm, making sure you didn’t hit him too hard, but enough for him to feel the pain.

“NEVER scare me like that again Richard! I thought you were a stranger and common courtesy, you could’ve rang the doorbell, knocked on my door, or a good idea, CALLED OR TEXTED MY PHONE DUMBASS!!” You were pissed but continue to finish your make-up as Richard entered your bathroom, pulled down the toilet seat cover and sat down.

“So, I got us In-N-Out and it’s on the table. Whenever you’re ready let me know but did you decide where you wanted to go?” You finish putting lip gloss on and thought about where you really wanted to go. Where was the place where you felt comfortable? A place where you could always escape reality? You grab your phone and walk out of your bathroom and turn around to Richard still sitting.

“Are you coming or what?” You say as you walk out of your room and toward your kitchen as Richard follows you but went to your dining table to grab the food he had gotten for the both of you. You open your front door and held it open so Richard was able to go through first and once he was outside of your apartment, you grab your keys off from the counter in your kitchen, walk outside of your apartment, close the door and make sure to lock it. You walk down the hallway, Richard walking behind you. You open the doors to the stairwell of your apartment building and instead of going down, you climb the next couple flights of stairs, Richard still following behind you. There were 15 stories to your apartment building and you lived on the 5th floor. You reached the 10th floor when you heard groaning and whining coming from behind you.

“C’mon Y/n, how much more do we have to climb up? I’m getting tired, my legs are starting to feel like jello and this food is getting heavy!” You laugh and kept climbing the stairs as you look down to Richard who stopped at the 10th floor and you were one story up.

“Aww, is Richard tired? What happened to the strong guy who said could do anything and be able to take anything or anyone on? C’mon, are you going to keep complaining about these stairs and admit you’re weak? Or are you going to man up and keep going? We only have 5 more stories to go,” You taunt Richard and kept going. You hear him groan and footsteps follow behind you. It didn’t take long for you to make it to the top of the stairwell and you wait for Richard. Not a moment later, you see Richard climbing the last bit of stairs, huffing and puffing and you laugh a bit. Richard gave you a look like he was pissed off but he was relieved it was all over.

“We are NOT doing that ever again or at least for a while. I really need to sit down because that workout has me hungry. By the way, where are we? This better be worth climbing all those stairs.” You laugh and grab the food from his hand while he catches his breath.

“First of all, I’m sorry but this was the only way to get up to this level since the elevator doesn’t come up to this floor.” Before you were able to continue, Richard interrupted you.

“But we could’ve taken the elevator to the floor before and then just climbed the stairs to this floor, but instead you decided we both do an intense leg workout. While you’re doing okay, I’m here dying and feeling like I’m about to cough out my lungs.” Richard said to you as he still tried to catch his breath. You shook your head at him and continued to talk to him.

“See, doing all of that would suck out the fun of it and we both needed that exercise, I’m just more used to it more than you. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Second, you’ll see once you get yourself and breathing under control and third, trust me. Climbing all of those flights of stairs is going to be worth it. So, are you ready?” Richard finally catches his breath, looks at you and nods his head. You smile and turn around to open the door to one of your favorite places.

You open the door to the rooftop of your apartment building and instead of it just being a roof the place was decorated for people to hangout. There were 4 sets of couches that were formed so it circled around tables that had a small fire pit in the middle to keep them warm. Next to the couches were tables for people to sit at along with a small outdoor stage on one of the ends that had working sets of lights. On the other end of the rooftop was a decent sized place to have parties that had the walls made of glass. It had a bar in case people wanted to drink when they threw parties and tables inside it as well. You walk towards one of the sets of couches and set the food and drinks down on the table and turn around to see Richard mesmerized by what he was seeing. You laugh a bit and walk around, taking in the fresh air you missed and the view that always took your breath away when you were up on the rooftop.

“Welcome to one of my favorite places in the world where I come to escape all the craziness. I come here when I need space to think or breathe, when I need a breath of fresh air and don’t want to be in a public area, where I come to collect and clear my thoughts, but most of all, this is the place where Zabdiel and I come to hangout and just relax.” You walk to the railing and look out to take in the view from the rooftop. The sun was now setting and the colors of the sky danced with orange, purple and a hint of pink. You feel a single tear rolling down your cheek and before you were able to wipe it away, you felt another hand beat you to it. You were lost in thought, you didn’t notice but Richard was right next to you, looking out to see the view as well.

“I could see why it would be one of your favorite places Y/n, it’s beautiful.” You smile and continue to look out in the distance. Before you were able to talk, Richard beat you to it.

“Wait, you said that Zabdiel and you would come up here together? Why not tell the boys and I about it or how come you never brought any of us up here besides Zabdiel?” You look down and the memories slide back into your mind of the countless times you and Zabdiel would come up here, you turn to look at Richard and smile.

“I told Zabdiel that this was our secret place. Our place where no one, not even you and the boys, would be able to find either of us. A place where if either of us needed the other, this is where we’d meet.” You look down and pause, the memory of how this place became yours coming to light. You look back up to Richard with tears in your eyes and he rubs your back, trying to calm you down, you let out a sigh and continue.

“This place was mine first of course since I live here. I used to come up here and do work if I wanted to be out in the open but not in a place where it’d be noisy. A place where if I needed to cry, I could since no one really comes up here. It was my own escape from the pressure of everything and everyone. Until one night, this small rooftop became ours.”

*FLASHBACK 1 YEAR AGO*

Today wasn’t your day at all. It seems as though everything was falling apart and not going right and there was nothing you could do about it. This morning, you had a big meeting with Clara and the boys discussing music, interviews, new collaborations, and more. You didn’t hear your alarm go off and ended up waking up an hour late and came to find out you set the alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM. You looked at your phone and saw you had MANY missed calls from the boys and Clara. You jumped out of bed and ran to your closet. You grab a pair of light denim skinny jeans with rips, a cropped black long sleeve and black socks. You change quickly and ran to your bathroom where you did your morning routine. You decide to leave your hair the way it was since you were running late and ran back to your room.

You went to your bedside table to grab your necklaces to put on and went to your closet to grab your black ankle boots. You look at yourself in your full-length mirror that was in the corner of your room to make sure you look decent and presentable. You grab your phone off of the bed and run out to your dining room to grab your planner, computer and purse. You make sure you have everything with you as you went to your kitchen counter to grab your keys and see it’s not where you leave them. You glance at the time to see that it was 8:30AM and the meeting had started at 8AM. You put down everything on your kitchen counter to search through your apartment for your keys. About 30 minutes later and almost tearing up your apartment, you find your keys on your bedside table. You groan, grab your things quickly and run out the door of your apartment, making sure to close and lock your door.

You run to the elevator to see it was closed until later this afternoon for maintenance and roll your eyes. You make your way to the stairwell and climb down the stairs as fast as you could and are relieved when you finally make it to the bottom stairs. You open the door and almost run into a couple of people trying to get outside to your car. You make it to your car and once you sit down in the driver’s seat, you let out a sigh, trying to catch your breath after all the running you did. You pull into the boy’s apartment since the meeting was only between Clara, the boys and you since management already knew what was going on. You look at your phone to see it was 9:15AM and you were already over an hour late for the meeting. You walk as fast as you could to the boys’ apartment building and headed to their floor. Once you made it to their floor, you knock on the door and you’re not surprised when you see Zabdiel open the door.

“Y/n, you’re late! Clara and everyone are going to be pissed!” Zabdiel shut the door quietly once you made your way into the boys apartment as you tried to come up with an excuse to tell Clara. You recently were hired by Clara to become her assistant and you already screwed up on your first day. Zabdiel led you to the dining room where the meeting was being held and stop.

“You owe me Y/n. I covered for you and said you weren’t feeling good last night when I went over to see you. I tried calling and texting you to tell you but you didn’t open any of my messages and didn’t text me back. I know how much this job means to you and I couldn’t see something bad happen on your first day, I’ll always be there for you bebe.” You hug Zabdiel and you both made your way to the dining room.

The rest of the meeting resumed for another 45 minutes and ended. Clara talked to you and caught you up on what you missed during the first part of the meeting and by the time you both were done talking, the boys came back with food for everyone. You looked at the time and saw it was now 10:30AM.

“Come Y/n, we got you food from Shake Shack and you’re favorite, chocolate milkshake.” You walk over to Zabdiel, grab the milkshake and kiss his cheek. “Gracias, I needed that and also, thank you for saving my ass. I really do owe you one Zabdiel,” you smile at each other and take a seat at the dining table to start eating. You end up hanging out at the boy’s apartment and you all end up watching a movie and playing video games. Currently, you and Chris were sitting on the couch as he attempted to teach you how to play Fortnite.

“What the fuck Y/n!! This is the third time you killed me and now I’m out.” You laugh as Chris drops his controller in his lap and rubs his face with his hands. “Guess I’m better at this than you thought. Pero like, I already knew how to play because I play this at my apartment, I just don’t play it when y’all are around.” Chris stands up and looks at you with his hand on his chest to act like he’s hurt.

“You hurt me hermana and now you’re going to pay for lying to me.” Your eyes widen as Chris grins at you. You stand up and run away from Chris before he could catch you and as he chases you throughout the living room, you see Zabdiel and hide behind him, using him as a shield.

“Zabdiel protect me from Chris, he’s trying to attack me.”

“What did you do now Y/n?” He looks down at you and you become quiet.

“I beat him at Fortnite and um… I may have lied to him about knowing how to play?” He laughs at you and looks at Chris with a playful grin.

“I got this hermano,” your eyes widen and Chris starts laughing loudly as he walks away.

“Good luck Y/n, you’ll need it.” You immediately try to run from Zabdiel and before you are able to escape, Zabdiel grabs your wrist and yanks you back towards him. He throws you over his shoulders and walks towards the living room.

“What did we say about lying amor. You know what happens when you lie and though I like messing with Chris and I give you props for that, you knew this was coming.”

Zabdiel throws you on the couch and your eyes widen. You started liking Zabdiel not long ago but you were late. Zabdiel started seeing a woman named Gwen and from what he told you, things with them were going well and you could tell Zabdiel was head over heels for Gwen.  You came back to reality and looked Zabdiel in the eye and you knew what came next. Before you were able to protest, Zabdiel leans down and starts tickling you. Your uncontrollable laughs fill the boys’ apartment, tears fill your eyes from laughing too much.

“ZABDIEL! STOP! I CAN’T BREATHE! AHHH! S-S-S-ST-STOPPP!” Not long later you heard a phone go off and Zabdiel stopped tickling you, indicating it was his phone going on. He walks away from you and grabs his phone on the dining room table and looks to see who was calling him. He smiles and looks back up to you and as you sit up, he starts walking in the direction of his room.

“I have to take this but you got saved this time Y/n. I won’t be long, I’ll be right back.” You grab your phone off the floor and catch your breath from being attacked by Zabdiel.

“Thanks for the help assholes.” The boys laugh at you and you all continue to chill in the living room, doing your own thing.

“Zabdiel isn’t coming out of his room anytime soon so we might as well just watch movies,” Richard spoke and all of the boys agreed. You look up from your phone with a confused look, none of the boys knew about your liking of Zabdiel and you intend to keep it that way for as long as you could.

“Why do you all say that?” They look at each other and towards you with the facial expression showing that you should know why.

“Did you see the way he smiled down at his phone when he saw who was calling him? It was definitely Gwen. It wouldn’t be his mom because he would’ve answered the call unless otherwise and if so, he would’ve told us pero, that’s definitely Gwen. He gets all giddy and smiley when she calls and texts him. You should know this by now Y/n, you guys are best friends.” After Chris answers your questions, the boys clean up the living room a bit and bring out blankets and pillows for movie night.

You zoned out as the boys got the living room ready and went into thought. Your feelings for Zabdiel were growing fast as time was passing and you didn’t know how to stop them. You were taking a liking to Zabdiel but you also didn’t want to lose your friendship with him. You didn’t know if you were ever going to tell him especially now since he’s together with Gwen. You weren’t going to be a home-wrecker and risk everything for a phase that would pass over, you hope this was a phase at least. You come back from zoning out to see that the boys were now settled and picking a movie to watch. You look at your phone to see it was 5PM and a reminder on your phone popped up.

*DATE @ 8PM*

You stand up quickly and go to the dining table to grab your things. The boys notice your sense of urgency and have questionable looks on their face. “Where are you going that has you running out of here quickly?” You heard Erick say to you and turn around to see all of the boys looking at you. You walk to all of them and kiss them on the cheek goodbye.

“I forgot, I’m going out tonight and I still have to go home and get ready. Just tell Zabdiel I left, I don’t want to bother and interrupt him.” In all honesty, you want to get out of there as fast as you could, but you also really needed to get ready. Before you were able to open the door and escape you were stopped by one of the boys talking to you.

“Who are you going out with? Do we know this person? Have we met him/her before? Where are you going? And most important of all, WHAT’S HIS NAME?” Richard says loudly and you laugh and turn towards the boys, smiling at them.

“None of your business, no you don’t know them, I decline to say, again, none of your business and again, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, bye.” Before the boys were able to ask you more questions, you escape their apartment and ran towards the elevator. You made it down to your car and tried to turn it on, realising you left the lights on and now your car was dead. You groan and grab your phone and dial Richard’s number, seeing as you knew Zabdiel was still on the phone with Gwen.

Richard: What’s up Y/n, I thought you left?

Y/n: I tried to, my car’s dead and I was wondering if you’d be able to drop me off at my apartment?

Richard: I will BUT, you have to tell me what you’re doing tonight.

Y/n: Ugh FINE. Just please hurry up please!

Richard: I’ll be right there.

You hang up and wait for Richard and not long later, you see Richard pull up next to you in Chris’ red subaru. You make sure you have everything, lock your car and hop into the passenger seat.

“Does Chris know you took his car? You know how he gets.” You look to Richard and he looks back at you.

“No he doesn’t know but I know you need to get home quickly and I just grabbed whatever keys I did and speaking of plans, what are you doing tonight that you can’t miss, had you rushing out the door and you didn’t even say goodbye to Zabdiel, that’s not like you hermana.” You stay quiet for a bit, not ready to tell Richard what you were doing but you decide to tell him anyways.

“For your information, I’m going on a date tonight. Also, I didn’t want to bother Zabdiel since he’s talking to Gwen and they’re talking so yeah.” You look out the window and you can feel Richard looking at you.

“Have you told Zabdiel yet?” You look down and back up towards the road in front of you.

“No and please don’t tell him. I don’t want him to know right now and I want it to come from me.”

“Why haven’t you told him yet? You never keep things from Zabdiel, especially things like this so why now? It’s not a big deal unless you like him.” You stay quiet and keep looking at the road in front of you. You didn’t want anyone to know that you were falling for your best friend but it was Richard and you both were close almost like you and Zabdiel were. You look towards him and shrug as he turns to look at you.

“I never meant to catch feelings for him or when I started to catch them, it just happened.” Luckily for you, Richard and you were now in front of your apartment building and Richard turns off the car and looks at you.

“You know I kind of knew it would happen one way or another. I won’t tell Zabdiel Y/n, that’s something you have to tell him and I won’t tell him about tonight if you don’t want me to.” You look to Richard and hug him before you get out.

“Gracias hermano, get home safe and text me when you get back. Thank you again, you’re a lifesaver.” You climb out of the car and wave at Richard as he waves back and drives off. You walk into your apartment building and make your way to the elevator to go up to your apartment. You go to unlock your door and close it behind you, making sure you lock it. You walk towards your dining room table and set your things down and look at your phone to see the time.

6:30PM

You run to your room to get ready, excited to see how tonight’s going to be after the unfortunate events that happened today.

*AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATER*

You were now dressed up waiting for your date to arrive. You ended up wearing a black dress that hugged your body well and was short in the front and long in the back along with a pair of red heels. You sat on the couch with your phone in hand. You waited for a text or call from your date to see where he was at, if he was on the way, or if he was coming tonight. It was now 8:15PM and you still heard nothing from him. You decide that enough was enough and call it for the night. You didn’t want to be in your apartment so you decide to go to your special place where no one would find you, a place where you need to be alone to clear your mind, especially after today. You grab your house keys and make your way out of the apartment and lock the door. You walk towards the stairwell and start climbing to the very top and once you make it there, you open the door and breathe in the fresh air. No one really came up here unless they rented the rooftop for a party, but it was open to people who live here to relax and since you were the only one to really come up here, it was yours. You sit on the couch and pull out your phone and open up your messages to text Richard.

Y/n: You’ll never guess what happened tonight Richard.

Not a moment later your phone starts to ring and you see Richard’s name on your screen.

Y/n: Hello?

Richard: Did he try to make a move on you? I swear I’m going to beat that guy up!

Y/n: No, no, no, no. That didn’t happen, actually, none of that happened including the date since he didn’t show up to pick me up.

Richard: WHAT?! OH HELL NO! I swear I’m going to find this boy and give him a piece of my mind.

Y/n: No, don’t do that Richard, He’s really not worth it and after today, I’m kind of just tired now.

Richard: I’m sorry this happened to you Y/n, you didn’t deserve this at all. Do you need anything or for me to come over?

Y/n: No, it’s okay. I’m just going to relax and then go to sleep. Thank you for being there for me Richard, I appreciate and love you hermano. Buenas noches

Richard: I’ll always be here for you hermana, te amo y buenas noches

You lock your phone and set it next to you on the couch. You start to feel tears spill out of your eyes. Everything about today was going wrong and this topped the whole day. You wanted this day to finally be over and decide to head back to your apartment until your phone rang again and you answered before even looking at who was calling you.

Y/n: Richard, I told you I’m okay. Please don’t come over, I just want to be alone right now.

Zabdiel: Amor, I may not be Richard but I’m still coming over. In fact, I’m already here in front of your apartment building and I’m heading up now.

You stay silent while you are on the phone with Zabdiel. You didn’t think he’d come to your rescue at all, especially since the last time you saw him, he was engaged in a long conversation with Gwen.

Y/n: Well I’m not in my apartment right now.

Zabdiel: Where are you? I’m not leaving until I see you and see you’re okay.

Y/n: Take the stairs all the way up and open the door, I’ll be there.

You hang up as you wait for Zabdiel to come up and meet you. You never told anyone about this place because it was your special place to hide from the world and everyone, like you didn’t want to be found. You stand up and go to the railing and look out at the view. All of the lights from the city were on and you could see all of the cars and people moving down below, relaxing to the quiet sounds trying to calm down before Zabdiel came up here to see you. 

You heard the door open and you immediately knew Zabdiel was now up there with you in your special place. You hear the door close and shuffling of feet coming towards you, knowing Zabdiel was going to stand next to you, you look over to him and give him a small smile. He puts his hand over yours and looks down at you with concerned eyes.

“Bonita, estas bien? What happened? Richard didn’t tell me pero, he said to come here to see you because you didn’t want him to come and he knew you needed someone here with you.” You squeeze his hand and let go to turn towards him. You look up and quietly laugh a little and start walking around the rooftop.

“I’m good ya know, today was just great. I ended up being late on my first day on the job, my car broke down earlier so i don’t have a car right now, and to top it all off, my date stood me up and ghosted me so yep, i’m doing GREAT.” You walk and sit down on the couch, head now in your hands as tears slips down your face as you feel Zabdiel’s eyes on you. You feel the couch dip and immediately, Zabdiel pulls you into his arms, kisses the top of your head and runs his fingers through your hair, trying to calm the sobs now coming out of your mouth.

“Date? I didn’t know you were going on a date tonight, why didn’t you tell me?” You get out of his hold and look up at him.

“Doesn’t matter anymore does it? Because it didn’t happen and I shouldn’t be surprised as this day was going to shit anyways so there you have it.”  You lean back into Zabdiel as he wraps his arms around you again.

“You know what Y/n? Besides not telling me, whoever this guy is, he doesn’t deserve someone like you at all and he lucked out. You’re going to find that special someone one day and when you do, I know you’ll be happy and I’ll be right there for you always amor.” Zabdiel kisses the top of your head and you two sit in comfortable silence as you start to think about the crush you have on Zabdiel and how you wanted to tell him right here, right now, but you knew as of now, that day would never come as long as Gwen is in the picture and also not wanting to lose Zabdiel’s friendship if you told him and he didn’t feel the same way back. Zabdiel was one of the most important people in your life and if he’s happy with Gwen, then you’d rather him be happy with the person he’s interested in than take that away from him and ruin your friendship. You both stay in silence, happy that Zabdiel was here for you.

“So Y/n, why haven’t you told me about this place? Or have taken me up here with you?” You sit up and look at Zabdiel and smile at him, you look at the sky and feel as though maybe this day wouldn’t be ending how this whole day had been.

“Don’t you have a place where you escape to and even I don’t know about? A place where you can escape to when you need to escape and when you feel as though everything is closing in on you? A place where you feel as though nothing or anyone can be able to touch you? A place where you can breathe, relax and just be by yourself? That’s what this place is to me, my own little personal space I’d come to escape to when I needed to.” Silence took over the both of you and you look over to Zabdiel and he was looking up at the stars. He looks at you and into your eyes, smiling down at you.

“I wish I had a place like this. A place to escape all of the craziness and just be able to breathe.” Zabdiel sighs and you look at him. Zabdiel is your best friend and maybe this wouldn’t only be your special place after tonight. You knew how hard Zabdiel life was, when CNCO formed, everything for him changed in one night.

“It’s not my special place anymore Zabdiel, It’s our special place. I see what you go through and have been for years now, you have a place to escape and craziness you call life, but don’t tell the other boys okay? Or I’ll beat you up.” You both laugh and though today was shit, it ended well for you and Zabdiel was always there to catch you.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

“Damn, Y/n. I can see why this would be a place for you both, it’s beautiful up here.” You look at Richard and back out into the distance.

“By the way I’m sorry you had to see me yelling and jamming out like that earlier. I know I don’t have to explain to you, but you’ve been here for me through it all and I need to get it out.” You look to Richard and he nods for you to continue to go on.

“After what you told me about moving on with my life and to stop revolving my life around someone who won’t even reach out to me, it hit me differently. You’re right and though Zabdiel is or was my best friend, I need to stop waiting for him to call and keep myself in this funk. He’s living his own life and I finally need to live mine too. I need to stop crying and being sad because I’m not living my life and time moves on with or without me. I need to get him off of my mind and move forward and I know it will be hard but, I think I’m ready to do just that.” You look to Richard and smile while leaning in to give him a hug.

“Also, I really appreciate you being there for me. It means a lot knowing that I’m not alone through this process.” Richard kisses the top of your head and lays his head on yours.

“I’ll always be here for you hermana, always.”

*TWO MONTHS LATER*

These past months were hard, not going to lie.  From getting used to Zabdiel not calling and texting to not seeing Zabdiel on a regular basis. You were still working from home because you didn’t feel ready to see Zabdiel in person yet and though you knew that the day would be coming, it wasn’t going to be today. It slowly and surely was getting easier since you weren’t alone during this time. Richard would come visit you a lot and sometimes bring the boys over, minus Zabdiel. You still haven’t seen or heard from him at all these past months and the only time you’d see what he would be up to is if you were on social media and he posts. Most of the time he would post and tweet about himself and/or Gwen, though it hurt you, you were making progress little by little.

It is now April which meant springtime and in Miami, it was still hot with a cool breeze. You and Richard were at your apartment hanging out watching tv deciding on what to do today since you were done with all of your work for the week.

“Should we go to the beach and invite the boys? Just to get out of here and get some fresh air? We haven’t been to the beach in forever even though I live right down the street from one.” Richard contemplates on what to do as you threw out the suggestion towards him. You both were sitting next to each other on your couch, Richard turns towards you.

“Or how about this Y/n, since we’re here at your place all the time, why don’t we go to me and the boys place? I know you dread seeing Zabdiel but you have to see him eventually since one, you guys are somewhat friends and I’m in a band with him.” You look at Richard and sigh.

“I don’t know Richard, I don’t think I’m ready to see him yet. I know I’ve been doing great these past two months but I’m scared that if I see him, I’ll be thrown into my old cycle again.”

“I know you don’t want to see him Y/n, but when will you come back to see the boys and I outside of your apartment? What will happen when one day we go out and he ends up meeting with us or we run into him? Remember what we said, we’re not going to let him control your life? You’ve been doing really good and taking steps, but I know you’re strong enough to actually face him and if he clears things up with you, even better and if not then just do you. Remember you won’t be alone with him, you have me and the boys so just focus on that.” You contemplate in your mind on what to do. It was 3PM and you did want to get out of your apartment but were you ready to see Zabdiel? You didn’t want him controlling on decisions you make and places you want to go because you didn’t want to see him. Again, Richard was right and you eventually were bound to see him. You stood up from your couch and looked at Richard.

“Fuck it, let’s go. I’m not going to let whatever happened between him and I, along with my feelings control where I can go. I’m going to grab my things in my room and then we can head to your place.” Richard nods and continues to sit on your couch and be on his phone.

You walk to your room and make sure you look decent. You weren’t going to change and keep on what you were wearing which was a white cropped tank top and black jeans. You grab your purse making sure your wallet and whatever you needed was inside. You walk out to your living room and grab your phone on the coffee table in front of your couch. Richard gets up and makes sure he has everything before you both leave your apartment.

“You ready Y/n?” You walk to your kitchen counter, grab your keys and nod to Richard. You both decide to take separate cars in case you needed to go early or just didn’t want to be there anymore.

You both meet at the boy’s apartment and you feel anxiety and your nerves set in. Now that you were there outside their apartment it all hit you at once like a tidal wave. You were about to see Zabdiel after not speaking or seeing each other for the past couple months. You stay seated in your car and jump when you hear your passenger door open, Richard sitting down next to you.

“Hermana, estas bien?” He looks at you with concerned eyes as you have your eyes closed and are taking deep breaths, trying to calm every nerve in your body down along with the anxiety that was hitting you as well.

“If you don’t feel like you can do this at all, we can go back to your place or go to the beach if you want to. I’m sorry if I forced you to say yes, it’s just I think you're ready and clearly you don’t look okay right now. I feel awful and-” before Richard could go on, you look at him and lay your hand on top of his, grabbing his.

“Richard, you didn’t force me to do anything. It was my decision to come here at the end of the day so please, don’t feel awful. Whatever happens is what happens, for better or for worse, this is an obstacle I need to deal with now instead of delaying the inevitable and avoiding it. Also, I’m already here and there’s nothing stopping me now than myself, so let’s do this.” You squeeze Richard’s hand one more time and then grab your purse in the backseat and your phone from the compartment on the side of your car door.

You and Richard make your way inside and towards the elevators. The elevator ride up was nerve wracking for you as you made your way closer to seeing Zabdiel. Richard could tell you were starting to worry and decides to grab your hand, letting you know he’s there for you and you could do this. You both make your way towards the boy’s apartment and stand outside their door, waiting to go inside. You look towards Richard with a slight look of worry in your face.

“You can do this Y/n, I believe in you.” He mouths to you and you nod, letting out a sigh. Richard grabs his keys and unlocks the door, letting himself in and holding the door open for you to come in. He closes and locks the door behind you and you wait for him to make his way towards the boys first before you. As you both walk towards where the boys were, Richard emerges from the hall leading to the living room.

“Y’all, I’m back and I brought someone who wanted to see y’all with me.” You emerge behind Richard and wave to the boys. They didn’t notice you and Richard, you both laugh. Chris was sitting at the table eating while Joel and Erick were playing Mario Kart on the Switch and no sign of Zabdiel yet. The boys turn to look at you both and before you know it, they’re running towards the both of you. Before they tackled you, Richard stops and blocks them from you.

“Yo chill! Don’t hurt the girl when she just got here damn.” He moves out of the way and the first to hug you is Chris.

“Hermanaaaa! I missed you! I can’t believe you’re back after being away from a couple months but now you’re here and you look more alive. I’m glad you’re doing better.” Chris kisses your forehead and lets go of you so the rest of the boys can say hi. Erick’s next to hug you and since Erick was like a little brother to you, you missed him a lot.

“Y/n, I missed you so much!! It was boring here without seeing you for this long, I’m glad you’re back here hanging out with us.” Erick let’s go of you and the last to hug you is Joel.

“Y/n, I’m really really glad you’re back and doing better. I thought I was going to have to drive to your place and drag you back over here.” You both laugh and let go of each other.

“It’s really good to be back here, to be out of my apartment and most of all, be here with all of you.” You smile and make your way to the couch and chill. You decide to play Mario Kart with Erick, Joel and Richard while Chris orders food for all of you.

It was now 8PM and for the time you were at the boys place, you didn’t see Zabdiel at all. The boys said he wasn’t there when you came with Richard. They said he was at the studio, a place where he is most of the day as Erick told you, working on music and beats. At least you had some time to relax and make yourself comfortable before seeing Zabdiel. There was a knock on the door and Chris got up to get the door.

“I bet that’s the food, I’ll get it.” You hear Chris open the door and thank whoever brought the food. You hear Chris walk back quickly and make his way towards Richard, whispering in his ear. Richard looks towards you with concerned eyes and thanks Chris while Chris takes the food out of the bags. Richard makes his way towards you and before he’s able to tell you what Chris said to him, you hear someone making their way to the living room and speak.

“Y/n?” You look and see none other than Zabdiel looking at you with a confused look on his face.

You take in his appearance and he looks like he’s been doing fine without speaking and seeing you. You both hold eye contact, trying to let the words come out of your mouth, but nothing ends up coming out. Everyone stays silent, not knowing what to say until Chris speaks.

“Alright, come eat everyone!” You continue to look at Zabdiel, waiting for him to say anything and when nothing comes out, you look away and make your way to the table. Chris was sitting at the head of the table while Erick sat to his left and Richard sat to Chris’ left, Joel sat next to Erick and Zabdiel sat next to Joel. You were the last to get to the table and while there was an empty seat next to Zabdiel, you didn't hesitate and head for the empty seat next to Richard. Everyone starts to eat and you see a disappointed look on Zabdiel’s face.

“Did he really think I was going to sit next to him after not speaking to me at all for the past couple months?” You think to yourself and laugh inside your head.

“You okay Y/n?” Richard looks at you with concerned eyes and you nod and grab his hand that rests on the table to reassure him. You all continue to eat and talk as if nothing has changed these past couple months. You feel the tension in the air but push past it, not letting it get to you. Zabdiel didn’t talk at all and you being the bigger person decides to include him in the conversation.

“So Zabdiel, how are you and how was your day?” Everyone else was lost in their conversations until they heard Zabdiel slam his glass down on the table. Everyone looks towards him as he looks at you.

“That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me after not talking to me for months? Really Y/n? “How are you and how was your day?” Fuck that bullshit. If you wanted to know why didn’t you text me or call me huh? It’s not fucking hard at all.” Zabdiel continues eating and the rest of the boys turn to you and look with concerned eyes. You didn’t expect for Zabdiel to snap at you hard and instead of feeling sad, you were angry. You push your chair out and look at Zabdiel, ready to finally speak on the situation.

“Me not talking to you for months really? ME? Why the FUCK does it have to be me reaching out to you? The phone works both fucking ways right Zabdiel? So don’t say I should’ve texted you because THATS fucking bullshit.” You walk towards the couch and sit down. You hear someone get up from their seat and make their way towards you and see Zabdiel standing by you.

“You were the one to tell me you needed to take a break from our friendship and focus on your work and yourself remember? YOU said that Y/n.” You stand up, anger filling your body.

“Do you remember what else I said to you Zabdiel? You’re right, I said I needed to focus on myself but do you remember what I told you?” You pause and see if Zabdiel was going to speak and when nothing came out of his mouth, you continue.

“I told you to focus on you and your relationship with Gwen, remember? Or do you not remember when you told me that you both got into a fight about me and how I was always with you Zabdiel, do you remember?” Zabdiel stays quiet, you look around the room and see the boys looking at the both of you. You look back to Zabdiel still being quiet, anger getting into you, you let it all out, holding nothing back.

“You know what’s funny Zabdiel? Richard told me that you and Gwen broke up and that you wanted to talk to me and what did you do? Nothing. YOU DID FUCKING NOTHING ZABDIEL! IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO TALK TO ME, YOU FUCKING WOULD’VE PUT THE ISSUE ASIDE AND DID IT! I WAITED ZABDIEL, I WAITED FOR YOU TO TALK TO ME BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME THAT I WAS BEING SELFISH FOR TAKING TIME FOR MYSELF. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING HURT? OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND AND INSTEAD, YOU TURNED ON ME. YOU WERE THE SELFISH ONE ZABDIEL, NOT ME. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU FUCKING HURT ME? OR ARE YOU TOO FUCKING PRIDEFUL AND DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT? WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIENDS ZABDIEL AND THAT DAY, YOU STOPPED BEING MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU LEFT ME ALL ALONE. ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU HAD SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO LOVED YOU AND YOU LOVE THEM RIGHT? I WAS BEING SELFLESS WHILE YOU WERE BEING SELFISH.” You made your way towards the bathroom and before you could make it, Zabdiel starts to talk.

“You know what Y/n? I’m tired of this shit. You were struggling? What about me? WHAT ABOUT ME? I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU OKAY? I FELT BAD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T ANYMORE. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU REPLACED ME WITH RICHARD RIGHT? BECAUSE I’M REPLACEABLE? WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? YOUR FUCKING REPLACEABLE TOO AND I DON’T NEED YOU  AT ALL ANYMORE. WE’RE NOT BEST FRIENDS ANYMORE SO YOU CAN DELETE MY NUMBER AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE OF ME AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. DON’T CALL ME, DON’T TEXT ME OR ASK ANYONE HOW I AM BECAUSE IT DOESN’T CONCERN YOU ANYMORE AND IN RETURN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF YOUR SO CALLED HURT, I’LL DO THE SAME.” With that, Zabdiel grabs his keys and walks out of the apartment.

You stood frozen in place, letting everything that Zabdiel said sink in. Chris and Joel run out of the apartment trying to stop Zabdiel you guess as Erick and Richard make their way to you slowly. You feel Richard’s presence next to you with his hand on your back as Erick was on the other side of you with his hand on your shoulder. You feel your knees go weak and before you know it, you feel your legs give out and before you hit the ground, Richard catches you and kneels next to you along with Erick. You felt numb and like this was a nightmare you were having, not wanting it to be real.

“You okay Y/n?” You look at Richard and Erick and once you hear those words, you know what happened was real. The fight between you was real. Zabdiel said that your friendship with him was over and real. Reality hit you and you let out a painful sob, tears clouding your vision, feeling like you couldn’t breathe at all.

As you cry in Richard and Erick’s arms, you heard footsteps making their way into the apartment, indicating Chris and Joel have come back. You continue to cry as Richard looks towards the two and they both shake their heads, letting Richard know they couldn’t get Zabdiel to stop from leaving. Richard picks you up and brings you to the living room couch where the boys surround you, making sure they’re there for you and if they needed you, they would be there for you. Your cries die down and the room is silent, the boys stay silent and wait for you to speak or say anything. Nothing comes out of your mouth as your mind was still processing what happened and what was said.

“Do you want to talk about it Y/n?” You shake your head after Richard asks you.

“This is a stupid question but are you okay Y/n?” Tears spill out of your eyes as your head again after Joel asks you.

“I was stupid to think that everything would be okay and go back to the way it was.” You wipe your tears and look down at your hands. You didn’t expect this outcome, but you weren’t surprised either. You felt hurt and like the pain was never going to end, like there was now going to be a big hole in your heart that wasn’t going to go away, the hole that Zabdiel once filled and now, it was over.

“We’re here for you Y/n. We’ll be here by your side through this time and I’m sorry for convincing you to come today, I shouldn’t have.” You look at Richard and shake your head.

“Richard, this isn’t your fault at all. Remember I decided to come here and you’re not the one that hurt and said those things to me. Don’t blame yourself Richard, I’m just glad you’re here for me, all of you. It means a lot and I appreciate you guys.” You look at all of the boys with a thankful look.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen now but what I do know now is Zabdiel and I aren’t on good terms or even friends anymore. I’m going to continue to work from home unless I need to be at meetings for you guys and just continue to do me. This opened my eyes to how much I really meant to Zabdiel and the role I had in his life and that’s okay. Though his decision hurts a lot and it’s going to take time for me to heal from this, I’m not going to hold a grudge with him or be mad at him anymore. It is what it is and there’s no reason to be mad. All I want is for him to be happy and for him to live his life happy and if that means me not being in it besides business, then so be it. He let me go so it’s time for me to let him go and as much as I wish it didn’t end like this, I can’t change anything about his decision. But thank you for being here for me, I love you all so much and I appreciate you all as well. I’m going to go back to my apartment, I’ll text you once I get back. Just do me a favor and make sure he’s okay and he makes it back safe okay?” You stand up to grab your things and the boys nod at you. They walk you to their door where you give them each a hug and kiss on the cheek.

You walk out of the boys apartment building and head to your car. Once you get settled into your car, all the tears and emotions you were holding in came out. The pain you were feeling now felt like it was never going to end. The impact Zabdiel had on your life was big, you were both best friends and you were there for him before CNCO formed and now, after all the years of being best friends, it now came to an end. An end of an era but a start to a new beginning. You knew it was going to be hard, but you couldn’t let this obstacle stop you from living your life. As long as it took you, it was now time to move on from him.

i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it , feedback is appreciated and lmk if i should write any imagines or one shots. also , i’d like to thank y’all who continue to support my work . i never thought anyon would read my work let alone like it so i appreciate and love you with my whole heart <3

taglist: @waterlilyshaista @dolanfivsosxox @lunayxcnco @h-bea92 @dimelo-cnco @flaviadiamondpt @mellany1997 @ericks-mala-actitud @nochillnelly @nqbmf @afro-doll @benditocnco @chellybear98 @sometimesbadalwaysboujie @hollandhoe-blog​ @joelitos-baby @oliviacnco @urafakebetch 

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Part 20 Curly Kyoshi Zuko

I rewrote it entirely because I was mad that it deleted in the first place. Please enjoy this. It took a lot of effort to recreate, and I think I made it better tbh

The morning after the Seige Kurt found himself tangled up under the sheets with Kahno. His back against the larger man's chest and trapped in his arms as if he was a teddy bear. He shifted a little and cuddled closer, not wanting to wake up. He gasped when his hair was ruffled "good morning little flare" Kahno rumbled out before placing a kiss to the back of Kurt's head

Kurt whined "no, not morning"

"Not morning?" Kahno mused while holding back a laugh as he let Kurt turn around and face him "arent firebenders supposed to rise with the sun?"

"Yeah but it doesn't mean we actually get out of bed, its cold and I dont remember where my jacket went after we came back last night" he wrapped his arms around Kahno's waste and pulled him closer "I just want to stay in bed with you a little bit longer, besides Aang doesnt want to head out until noon so I want to spend as much time as possible with you before I leave"

"I uh, I actually was going to come with you.." Kahno said which made Kurt push back against his chest

"No way!" He was smiling "no way! Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Katara convinced me, she knew we'd be miserable apart so she told me as such and it didn't take much after that... she's pretty terrifying."

Kurt laughed "yeah, she acts like an older sister to me.. even though she's younger"

"Yeah, thats because your tiny"

"Im not THAT tiny"

"Oh yeah?" Kahno smirked "not tiny huh?" He shifted so he was hovering over Kurt who now felt like a mouse beneath a tiger

"Okay. Okay, I get it. And that was fun last night but uh, not... not right now" kurts face couldnt get any redder "I uh, I just want to cuddle please"

Kahno laughed "I know, I was only teasing you." He moved them so Kahno was yet again being held like a teddy bear. "You might be tiny but you demolished a firenation warship in one go-"

"It took all of my energy though, so that sucked"

"Yeah, but you still did it. You're more powerful than you think."

"And so are you!" Kurt retorted back

There was a knock on the door "I know you want to sleep in love birds but youre gonna want breakfast before he hit the air!" Katara called from the other side, though it was a bit muffled.

Kurt let out a loud groan "I dont wanna!"

"Get up now before I come in there and give you a cold healing treatment, you know your cheek isn't fully healed yet"

"Yknow, cold healing actually sounds nice Katara!"

"Oh really?" She opened the door with a hand up at the ready and a devilish grin. "Is that so?"

"Ahh! No! No! I was joking! Katara, please no! Kahno stop her! I'll get up! I'll get up! No! No! Kataraaaaa!!!"

After the cold healing it was breakfast time and Kurt was pouting with Kahno between him and Katara. Sokka however sat on the other side of him "so Mr. 'Destroyed a firenation warship for my boyfriend' how was your night?"

Kurt raised a brow "my night was alright, I spent it at Kahno's hut, what about yours? I head your trio invited princess Yue over to help her grieve about her finances death... oh my gods you guys gave her the group cuddle therapy didnt you!" Sokka nodded and Kurt let out a laugh "group cuddles are the best, especially group cuddle therapy. How's she holding up?"

"Actually she talked mostly about you the whole time, it was hard to tell her you're with Kahno while she's moping around. But she knew about it, she just thinks your adorable, and wanted to know if you could teach her to dance after the war... whatever that means"

Kurt flushed "oh, when she asked me to show her some firebending I showed her my practice forms, which are styled both like waterbending and dance."

Sokka gaped "okay, not you have to show me sometime, you know that right? You can't just tell a man about something that cool and just not show him!"

"I figured you would be spying on me and Katara's bending practice"

"Katara's seen you dance bend!?"

"It's- its not dance bending-"

"It is SO dance bending!"

Kurt sighed "alright, we'll call it dance bending. No she hasn't seen me dance bend, she's seen me firebend in the style of waterbending. Theres a difference. When I bend to relax I bend the fire like its water but I do so while dancing. Katara hasn't seen me dance"

"Wait- you dance?" Katara leaned forward to talk around Kahno "thats amazing! You have got to show us sometime, maybe I can pick up some techniques from watching you!"

Kurt shifted in his seat "yeah, I can show you sometime I guess"

"Will you two leave him alone?" Zuko chimed "He doesn't like being the center of attention... well at lease he doesn't like being the center of attention from multiple people" Zuko glanced up at Kahno who just cleared his throat.

After breakfast the group packed up their things and made their way to the ships where Appa was waiting. Kurt took a stance after tossing his items up and did a quick fire boosted flip into the saddle extinguishing the flames as he went so he didnt hurt anyone or catch anything on fire. Aang airbended himself and Katara onto the Saddle, Suki and Zuko just jumped on and Sokka was helped up by Kahno.

With that theu were in the air and on their way to find Aang and earthbending teacher. On the way there Kahno started rummaging through his bags "hey Kurt, I wanted to give you something, it was originally gonna be a 'promise you'll come back to me' sort of gift but now its more a 'promise we'll both stay alive until this is over' sort of gift." He paused as he pulled out a small deep blue band with three uncarved white stones attached to it. "Traditionally its supposed to be a necklace, but in that sense its betrothal, so I made it as a bracelet to form a sort of... promise?"

Katara and Sokka both looked at eachother while Kurt took hold of the small band. The water siblings were the ones who talked him out of making the necklace but they didn't know he had already made the bracelet. "Its... beautiful" Kurt muttere

"So, uh, do you promis-"

"Yes of course I promise you big cheesefish" he snorted "but you better promise me too" he said as he held out his hand and the bracelet.

"yeah yeah, I promise you, my little flare, that I will not die" Kahno couldnt help the smile on his face and the burning in his cheeks as he tied the bracelet on Kurts wrist.

"Little- little flare!? Oh my gods thats the cutest nickname I've ever heard!" Katara beamed "maybe I could call you that to-"

"No! Only Kahno can call me that, and even thats a stretch. If you dare call me that I won't show you my dancebending"

"I told you it'd stick" Sokka chimed in

The group fell into laughter as the flew away from the pole. Now their band of six was a band of seven.