#.....also me: currently wearing shorts
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*dresses Way too light for -8° weather* a hoe never gets cold~ 😇💋
#me: swears im not like those stereotypical white boys who wears shorts in winter#.....also me: currently wearing shorts#in my defense the pants i was planning to wear apparently needs mending which i didn't have time to do orz#also most of my pants are in the laundry which i was supposed to do this weekend but one of my flatmates had the same idea#and ended up washing like 4 (four) Entire Loads which in turn occupies ALL our drying racks (we don't have a dryer)#OH WELL#does fish make noise??#[edit] this post is a vine reference
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They made hyoga look so much cooler in the anime hes just standing there , in the manga theyre all dripping wet and bedraggled and senku is dying as usual
#Dr stone#isnt it cute that he was holding onto tsukasa for dear life for that whole sequence .....#after hearing his name called so weakly im sure he would not have let go of tsukasa come hell or high water ... he was covering his wound#with such a shaky hand like he was so fucking stressed out but he couldnt let tsukasa be swept away from him he had to keep both their head#afloat the whole time they were fighting against the current and tsukasa is also twice his size and complete dead weight#ALSO HANG ON WAIT I JUST REALISED SOMETHING#HYOGA... wanted to get senku alone to talk to him but he attacked tsuaksa ... and when hyoga wanted to hit tsukasa he attacked mirai#thats scary because he immediately identified that theyre ride or die together ... hyoga is the original tsukasen shipper#hes like oh you guys love each other ? Well that makes it easier for me#also this was the first time i noticed he wears short shorts and leather thigh high boots. omg slay queen where did you get your boots !#they wanted to make him a classic withdrawn coolguy with a samurai-esque work ethic but actually hes mega camp and a sweety (killed someone
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God? Are you there? Do you hear me? Did you hear me, tonight, crying instead of throwing up, for the first time in a month? Did you see me? Did you see the way I stared at the wall, while terrible thoughts passed through my mind? God? Are you there? Can you remind me, please, just this once, can you remind me of all the promises? There are stars in the sky, God. There's sand on the shore. But God, please. Are they for me? God? Are you there? Do you hear me? I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry for all the things I do, and the person I've become. I'm sorry that all I can think is that it means I should die. I know my friends, my family, wouldn't want that. God? Are you there? How do I stop feeling forsaken? I'm not even depressed, God. You brought me through that. But I'm still in the valley of the shadow of death. If they take me to the hospital, God, I'm scared I won't get a choice. I'm scared the only choice I have is the one I must not, cannot, take. God? Are you there? Do you hear me? Do you weep for me? Did your Son die for me? And, God? If that's true, why? God, I have scars that might not go away. I didn't mean to go that deep. Not with those. Unless I do something, God, I will never be able to wear shorts again. I've worn them with scarring, yes, but not that scar. God? Are you there? God? Do you love me?
#poetry#tw ed#tw sh#tw suicide#first things first. yes. im safe.#but i realised yesterday in the middle of my exam that if i end up at emergency for any reason i stand a very good chance of being#involuntarily treated if i resist. im gonna do my best to keep away from emergency obviously.#and i am fine! im just also. very not fine.#and being your local idiot i. couple of weeks ago decided for the third time in my life to self harm in the form of a word rather than just#lines. just above my knee. i expected it was shallow enough it would heal without scarring but it appears to be scarring#and unless i do something about it (read: add enough scar tissue on top to obscure it) if it doesn't heal i will legitimately never be able#to wear shorts again.#anyway yes to emphasise *i am safe* and also if anyone calls the cops on me at this point i *will* tell them im fine regardless of the trut#i do not have a current suicide plan.#this was. not true yesterday. but hey i called it off it's fine#anyway!
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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how it feels to want to dress very fancy and accessoried but unfortunately have the autism where i think im supposed to just be lounging in a field naked or in like. a plain linen dress. and any accessory or makeup or nail polish or ehat have you makes me want to rip my skin off
#cant wear rings bc they make my fingers feel heavy cant wear bracelets bc they move when i dont want them to same with necklaces cant wear#dangly earrings bc they r heavy cant wear small earrings bc they poke me sometimes and also headphones and also my ears r only barely#pierced. cant wear makeup bc it makes my face feel fake and also im bad at it and also would only wear it in weird freak ways cant wear#nail polish bc if it isnt perfectly smooth or chips At all i have to rip it off. cant wear tight or fitted clothes bc they restrict movemen#cant wear super loose flowy clothes bc sometimes the fabric bunches up weird. this is the hell im in#i just have to like. pick my bsttles. bc every clothing is slightly stressing but i can like. sometimes handle having more of the things#like if its a rly good day and a bunch of other autism specifications r met i can handle wearing a bracelet. but if one thing goes wrong i#start getting so insanely overstimulated -_-#bc do you know how difficult it is that i want to wear like. historical dresses. and other very structured clothing#but to also know that i get insanely stressed out wearing anything other than loose pants and big shirt. and even loose oants and big shirt#sometimes stresses me. im like currently being stressed out bc my sports bra (only type of bra i can wear) is a little bit too tight. UGH#idk. maybe magically like an 1890s gown is exactly the type of clothing that would suit my delicate idiot constitution. i wouldnt know#also disclaimer i couldnt be lounging in a field naked or wearing a short linen frock bc im fucking allergic to some varieties of grass. and#i get itchy. -_-
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wife in MY clothes >:3
#waugh. shes so beautiful#yes thats my name on 'her' shorts let me be selfish <3#yes this is what im currently wearing.#tbf rn i am also wearing. actual clothes to go out in.#but >:P#shes so.... shes soo....#i wanted to also make a version with my shorts and top on but. too much work. dont wanna. unecessary.#sillyposting#my work#obey me leviathan#im very sorry for not giving her. fat. or body hair. or any nuance.#listen i am currently delaying working on a big project. but i still cant do all the things i want Y-Y#wauhg#ok =w=b
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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it
#i feel like it’s getting worse too#like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad#why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it#making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever#it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation#i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with#/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what#that action is#besides the two options i said before#or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week#problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule#i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat#so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes#i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory#of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3#having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream#anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow#me rambling#i love being undiagnosed#but let’s be real#being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse#because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation#and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them#feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do#vent
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Also nausea update I think its basically gone 🥳 just say no to puking, kids, it works
#if id really needed it there was a bin bag on the bus pretty close by#but like it was one of those buses w stairs in the middle that go down to the toilet that the drivers get pissed at you for using#and the bag was like facing the steps#so not only would bolting to it have brought everyones attention to me puking (HORRIFIC concept)#i would have had to maintain perfect balance while puking lest i be thrown down the fucking stairs!!!!#oh well. alls well that ends well.#i had my chicken fillet roll i did my shopping at boots and i have like an hour until my appointment#which'll take liiike 15-20 mins to walk to. so ive oodles of time to just sit on this bench and chill :)#life is so beautiful#i should book my bus ticket back actually. will do that#still so pissed that they raised the price by 50c. you were supposed to be the peoples champion!!!!!#also im taking my handbag off to add to my butch swag. not that my handbag isnt hashtag manly#i like it but yknow. appearances important ^_^ < currently wearing khaki shorts. tesco button-up. inside-out fluffy socks. scruffy runners#speaking of butch actually an androgynous person in a casual black suit just walked past 👀... hiiiiiii#emeto#< for nausea talk
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ngl i have so many thoughts about penelope sitting in the back of my mind, she's such an interesting character...
#i'm gonna try to avoid using penny when talking about her just so i don't confuse my pokemon moots ;0;#but yeah... just the imagery surrounding her has got me pondering#like the fact that the room she spends most of her time in at tangle tower is quite literally a gilded cage#or that she's wearing an outfit that's strikingly similar to her mother's if not the same exact outfit...#i also can't stop thinking about how i feel like she doesn't even have any true ill will towards anyone currently living at tangle tower#even flora (the character you could expect her to dislike based on her motivations) is someone she has some care for...#ALSO HER FUCKING REACTION WHEN YOU SUGGEST HER MOTIVATION WAS LONELINESS UGH!!!!#just.... fuck dude#i do hope we get to see her again#random idea i've thought about too is harrow getting involved in tracking down penny and it ending w/ a face-off between the two#i think that'd be cool...#wait shit my brain is making a connection with another idea i had hold on#*rubs my gay lil hands together* hmm 😈#sorry that my rambling's always relegated to the tags it's easier to parse my thoughts in short bursts like that#tangle tower#mj.txt#tangle tower spoilers
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shorts sizing so messed up i am ordering TWO sizes bigger than normal..... get it together
#3rd time lucky 🤞🤞🤞#oh to be able to go to a shop in person. and to be able to try things on in person too :P OH WELL lucky for online!#and help from my parents taking parcels for me when i can't take them myself!!!!!#also i know it is these shorts in particular bc i am currently wearing my regular size from this brand.....#i don't even know if they will fiiiiiiiiit they just have such potential to me!!! blease!!!!!! i wanna feel AND look good.........
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can't tell if I wanna shave my head again or if i'm just being bipolar GWAH
#I love having long hair but I also love having short hair and I also love watching my hair grow out#and I'm starting to get bored with my current undercut which I've had for a WHILE; I kind of thrive on variety#but also it's been really fun to have ass length hair and if I shave it right now and let it grow out I won't again until I'm like 31#and we're coming up on winter when it'll be comfortable to wear my hair down a lot more often#so idk.... I don't wanna let FOMO stop me from getting a good haircut but I also don't wanna end up dysphoric if i shave and don't like it#hey I just remembered some ppl say bipolar to mean indecisive. no I just mean the mental illness that I have
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This topic has been beaten to death at this point but damn it really sucks to not have a car when you’re stuck in suburbia and can’t ask your family members to drive you places
#I hate it here. also I’m deciding to go uhh#whatever style it is when you’re too lazy for like full goth but you decide to wear all black#no this has nothing to do with the current Will wood obsession why would you even say that#but yeah genuinely I feel a bit like I’m in middle school a little because when I was in middle school I really wasn’t allowed to try#alternative styles so I just wore a lot of jeans and mom approved tshirts and hoodies#and then in high school we had a dress code#but now I’m an adult and I’m realizing black clothing makes me… happy? and also I look hot?#again I know this is like basic stuff but seriously#long story short I would love to drive myself somewhere where I could acquire some black clothing but alas.#personal
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feeling like it might be about time for another update to my failboat design. especially if he does get new glasses
dont expect any super major changes, usually when i do a design update i just tweak a couple things based on new info, like if there's a branding change (ex. hoodie changed to button-up shirt), a change in his actual appearance (glasses, facial hair, eventually his PHYSICAL BUILD???), or if i just personally notice smth about him i didnt before (like i did for his eyebrows once), or i just make a change i think looks better, like small adjustments to his hair.
this time around, i dont really have anything in mind that i personally want to change just for sake of modification, but maybe other than his glasses (if that happens) and his build (when that happens) i might actually design a few different outfit choices for me to use other than the standard white button-up and black pants w the yellow stripe. but idk, does anyone else have ideas for changes i could try? guy's gone through a lot of updates in my art style over the 6 years i've drawn him lol
#failboat#like ngl the white button-up is starting to feel kinda boring. but idk what i'd change about it without making it a whole patterned deal lo#side note it's kinda crazy to me that he just has a blue jacket similar to shipwreck like i didnt know about that#speaking of shipwreck if boat gets new glasses im keeping shipwreck's the same as current for sake of differentiation#anyway im kinda thinking of making his white shorts a thing. but also i dont want him wearing TOO much boring plain white#maybe i should incorporate more blue into his design too i think thatd be good. sorta break up the yellow n white#see thats where i feel my design for shipwreck is stronger. theres more going on and more blue than just his eyes#like i wanna keep him sorta true-to-life but im also thinking from a character design perspective#im trying to think what's more visually appealing. what draws the viewer's eye most?#character design is my passion and boat is my favorite muse
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wake up y'all new strangely vivid details of the dream i had last night + this morning just dropped
#the first aspect(s) of it i can recall are a feminine nonbinary person who had purple and blue hair cut short#they were also wearing a black overall skirt with a pastel blue sweater and black socks/tights#and they were making a video bedazzling a gun with a shitton of those gem stickers#strangely enough my point of view was the camera's point of the view so. i was the camera#yeah i'm just as confused as you are#and they had purple lighting in their room#the second aspect was of me and my future girlfriend/wife#we were both laying in bed together and the sheets and comforters were white#we also held hands#she had stiletto nails that were black with white french tips and mine were cheetah print#so those aspects of my dream inspired me to save those gem stickers & gems to my crafting board on pinterest#and saving more nail designs on my pinterest too#shit i might end up getting myself a decoden kit for christmas with kawaii cabochons & the gems#utilizing a creative outlet would be immensely beneficial given the current circumstances we're all undergoing#what's cookin' in hell's kitchen?
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weighing the pros and cons of staying outside rn
on one hand, if I stay outside I may continue to be eaten by mosquitos
on the other hand, I might could pet a third dog
#there are currently no dogs nearby#but the last two just sorta appeared (on a leash with their owners)#so who's to say a third can't also appear?#though it is getting a bit chilly and my cloak only does so much with me wearing short sleeves
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