#-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back!
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You know what makes me soooo excited for the next phase of Fadel and Style's relationship? It's that they will finally slot into the CORRECT relationship dynamics because this whole time, it's been flipped.
From the beginning, something felt off, and I think it's because Style's true desire is to be pursued. We are shown this pretty much in Style's introduction when he blatantly puts his body on display with the Crop Top Stretch. Style wants to be approached, wants to be propositioned, wants to be desired. Also, remember how he initially flirts with Fadel when his only motivation was his own attraction? He pinned the Heart Burger badge onto his chest to create an opportunity for Fadel to put his hands on Style's body.
Of course Fadel wasn't pursuing Style; was in fact, actively trying to get away (for reasons OTHER than a lack of physical attraction to Style), so it is the plot that has to drive our lovebirds together using Kant's request and partly Style's own desire to get some revenge.
But throughout their interactions, we constantly see glimpses of Style's desire to be pursued: every single time Fadel even shows a HINT of wanting Style, he immediately falls pliant, like he can't wait to let Fadel take the reins. And nothing shows this more clearly than the absolutely blissed out look on Style's face in Ep 4 when he thinks Fadel has finally admitted that he wants Style.
(Fucking hell, just look at how dazed and almost euphoric Style looks here? It's like Style has been starving for the barest hint that Fadel truly wants him.)
Which is also why we've gotten so many fake outs. Because although Fadel IS attracted to Style (Ep 2 made that...abundantly clear), he isn’t remotely ready to pursue anyone. Not only is Fadel nursing a broken heart, barely beating, he also has very justified suspicions about Style’s connection to Kant and Style's unnatural persistence.
So it's Style that has to pursue - he dodges Fadel's footsteps, and bullies his way into Fadel's life; but in between the frustration and annoyance, Fadel's walls begin to crack. And I think it's SO COOL that the first significant evidence we have of Fadel's walls crumbling is because Style puts his body on display for Fadel. Because Fadel responded to something that was naturally part of the way Style operates before he even met Fadel. And there are other, more compelling reasons why I think Fadel begins to fall for Style, but that's not really the point I'm trying to make here.
When Fadel said "If I like you, I'll do the pursuing", it wasn't just to get Style to back off. Because now that Fadel has finally chosen to explore something real with Style, we are seeing Fadel's words in action. I know some people have said Fadel's switch to flirting so blatantly with Style in Ep 4's gym scene came out of left field, but I think it may well be confirmation that this was always the dynamic they were meant to be in. Fadel likes pursuing and Style likes being pursued. They fit, they match, they're perfectly compatible.
(Fadel looks almost faintly amused by how "flustered" Style is. Because he doesn't know that Style is actually afraid of him - why would he, when Style has evidenced zero fear so far? So this comes across like Style is getting shy in response to Fadel's unexpected and more overt approach. And possibly this is Fadel starting to remember how much he enjoys the chasing.)
Unfortunately, Kant's revelation is going to screw allll of this up. But, we are finally going to see glimpses of how they work when they're aligned correctly in their dynamics! And while it will take a journey (and oh, it will be gloriously painful, won't it?), our boys are finally on the road to something lasting and I am sooo glad we get to come along for the ride. <3
#fadelstyle#fadel#style sattawat#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#thk meta#<my posts>#Also I think one of the reasons why Style's anger in ep 4 seemed much more INTENSE is that he really DID think#that Fadel missing him meant something real had shifted between them.#And he was GENUINELY hurt - potentially for the first time; more even than when Fadel punched him after they had sex.#Because he could tell - even during the act - that Fadel's heart wasn't in the encounter.#But the kitchen scene in episode 4... that was Style thinking he'd made a breakthrough.#And Fadel dangled what Style wanted the MOST and then also MOCKED him for it.#Which is why Style lashed out at the support group AGAIN.#// also I do think it was a GOOD thing that Style had to step outside of his comfort zone for this relationship to even start#because in a way it shows that Style does want something real with Fadel at the end of the day#he's literally the only person with ZERO actual real stakes in this game other than his loyalty to Kant; if he really wanted he could bail#/// ALSO even if fadel IS planning something with his sudden change in behaviour#i think its also possible that he's having fun with it because its what he'd like to do anyway#like they don't have to be mutually exclusive approaches#because yeah fadel's last look at style's retreating back was very... contemplative#<- thoughts that didn't really make sense with the point i was trying to make but came up while I was thinking it through
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I'm taking my life back. You can't hurt me anymore.
#context will be added after normal tags- you do not have to read what im going to write#club penguin#club penguin oc#club penguin art#club penguin fanart#ahf#tw blood#tw slight violence#cw blood#cw slight violence#filler tag for sensitive shit#filler tag filler tag filler tag#disney talks filler tag#disney talks serious; scary shit that they were put through for the past 5ish months#Hi. If you made it this far into the tags- allow me to give some context behind this piece#I'm hesitant to speak out on this blog about this issue. However. It's important to why I made this#Since august; an artist in this community who is older than me had been stalking me. This artist had made horrific art of me#this user has hurt me and hurt my friends. This user made me think so low of myself; deeply traumatized me and children in this community#im taking my fucking life back. this vile fucking human tried so hard to degrade me and i dont fucking love you. i never loved you.#i never will love you. i never have loved you. You are a nasty fucking piece of shit and i hope you fucking rot. This is the only time you#guys will ever hear me curse and be this cold and unforgiving. I know I'm mostly regarded as a fandom sweetheart#i know to some my words may be shocking. This stalker whos name im holding back from outing on my blog. You're the reason people hurt.#Take responsibility. The reason I used a mouthwashing quote was on purpose. You can fill in the blanks. Don't pretend like you're a victim.#that's all I have to say right now. There's much more i can say; much much worse that has happened.#for now; thank you if you read all of this. Club Penguin's community has and always will have protected me and saved my life.#I'm taking my life back. You cannot hurt me. I hope this hurts.
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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Most Sherlock Holmes adaptations I've seen tend to place their Final Problem towards the mid point of the series (or even a bit earlier) - it's also in my opinion the best way of going about it, so you have time enough for the characters to adjust after the reunion but they know each other well enough for the events of Fina to be devastating.
Sherlock & Co is done with 20 of the adventures. How many are there? Fifty-something? Almost sixty? Let's say we'll be entering mid-point territory after the 25th story.
So let's pretend for a moment that we have 5 more stories until The Final Problem. Ok.
Estimating an adventure at 3 episodes each, that would mean little over 3 months - maybe 3 and a half? Starting, of course, from the end of Sign of Four, which will be somewhere in December.
So let's say 3, maybe 4 months into 2025. That would be, what? Late march, early april?
Early april?
John having to tell the listeners that Sherlock is dead, in early april?
Quick calendar search reveals what I was praying it would - the 1st of april will be on a Tuesday next year.
So what I'm saying
What I'm saying is Sherlock &Co has the opportunity to do the funniest fucking thing
#fyi I don't mean John pranks us about Sherlock dying#i mean it's just the first Tuesday after sherlock “dies” so that's just when he happens to tell the listeners#maybe he's not even aware of the date#and is surprised to see the reactions are less “oh my god oh no” and more “haha good one” or “funny but actually don't joke about that”#ahhh and then he'd have to double down either on the 2nd or next Tuesday and explain again that his best friend is actually dead#oh that would hurt but it would also be absolutely hilarious#for us who know Sherlock's not actually dead#anywayy#for the record i don't actually think they'll do fina as early as april#(but wouldn't it be funny)#They might do it at the actual midpoint#after the 29th story so let's say june/ july#Hoping they don't place it too late cuz then we won't have enough time to see how it affects all of them#Even if it's around the 3/4 point i think I'd be a bit bummed#Also midpoint is a good place to take a break#Of course fear nr 1 is leaving it for the very end and making empt the last episode#and the reason why the podcast ends is “look what happened if it wasn't for the podcast maybe Moriarty wouldn't have noticed Sherlock”#Like a “it's becoming too dangerous” thing#but that's the evil timeline (not us!!!)#Honestly if it were me I'd make fina the midpoint.... then hiatus...... return...... second half......#and then get another big dangerous villain for the last few eps#Maybe one of them (sherlock) almost gets killed (again) and that's why john decides that#it's been swell but we're ending the podcast cause apparently we're putting (too big of) a target on our backs#Almost lost sherlock again the risks outweigh the benefits etc etc#Of course they'll keep solving crimes together just stop broadcasting them to the world#And that's how I'd do it! :D#God i can't be trusted with tags#If you read this far I love you#sherlock & co#theories
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I'M ****ING FREEE
#I MEAN#NOT REALLY#BUT I DON'T NEED TO RIDE ANYWHERE TOMORROW#AND MY HEAD ****ING HURTS FOR NO REASON#AND I HATE ILLUSTRATOR AND INDESIGN AND PHOTOSHOP AND GRAPHIC DESIGN#HOW THEY MANAGE TO EAT ALL MY NERVES#I JUST COME BACK HOME ALMOST AT NIGHT AND HAVE NO TIME AND SIT TO DRAW A LITTLE BIT AND OH MY GOD WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S 2 AM AND OF COURSE#CAN'T WAKE UP ON TIME AND I'M A SHITTY MESS TOMORROW AND CAN'T EVEN SLEEP FOR 6 HOURS AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO RIDE FOR 3-4#HOURS IN SUMARRY AND IT IS SO EXHAUSTING JUST BECAUSE YOU DO IT EVERYDAY#RARRRRRRAAAAAARRARARRARARARARRRRRRR#RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#ONE DAY IS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME#OH MY GOD I NEED TO DIG THROUGH SO MUCH
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Some Valyrian/Targaryen/Velaryon names. No expertise here, simply following patterns to see what sounds and looks nice + canon sources and Valyrian dictionary plucks. In chrono & thought order.
Canon — Rhaenys, Rhaena, Rhaella, Rhaenyra, Rhaegel, Rhae, Rhaelle, Rhaegar (All Targ)
Derived — Rhaenion, Rhaenelle, Rhaenella, Rhaegor, Rhaegon, Aenyra, Rhaelion, Rhaenyx, Rhaelyx, Rhaenar, Rhaenyar, Rhaenel, Rhaelys, Rhaevel, Rhaevis, Rhaevys, Viserrhae, Rhaenya, Rhaenior, Rhaenor, Rhael, Rhaen, Rhaejel, Rhaeqan, Rhaellor, Rhaemon, Rhaemond, Rhaenyron, Rhaema
Canon — Aenar, Aegon, Aerys, Aelyx, Aerion, Aethan (1 Velaryon), Vaegon, Aenys, Aerea, Naerys, Aegor, Aelor, Aelora (Rest Targ)
Derived — Aegar, Aelon, Aelys, Aelar, Aelara, Aella, Aelinor, Aeral, Aeron, Aelion, Aegys, Aegal, Aelia, Naera, Naeron, Naerion, Naerelle, Naerella, Naerea, Aethal, Aethelle, Aethys, Aethion, Aethar, Aethial, Aenor, Aethor, Aerelle, Gaelyx, Aenyx, Aeryx, Baelyx, Aelial, Aeliar, Aelior, Vaegal, Vaegor, Vaegar, Vaelior, Vaelor, Aerial, Aeriel, Aelan, Aevys, Aevelle, Aevella, Haelyx, Haelian, Aenir, Haethan, Haelan, Haelor, Aekor, Haeral
Canon — Gaemon (T), Daemion (T & V), Daemon (V & T), Aemon (T), Aemma (T [Andal?]), Vaemond (V), Aemond (T), Daeron (V later T)
Derived — Daemyra, Daemys, Daemyn, Daemelle, Daema, Gaemar, Daerelle, Daerion, Aemys, Aemar, Aemor, Aemir, Aemira, Aemara, Aemora, Daemor, Daemora, Vaemon, Gaema, Gaemond, Gaemyn, Gaemion, Aemion, Gaemor, Aemior, Aemyn, Aemin, Aerona, Aemona, Aemia, Aeman, Aemal, Aemelle, Gaemia, Aemol, Aemil, Aemila, Aemilon, Aemilor, Aeminor, Daemyron, Daeminor, Haemon, Naemon, Haemia, Naema, Haemal, Haemar, Naemior, Naemor, Daemian
Canon — Daenys, Daenerys, Daella, Daenaera (1 V), Daena, Daenora (Rest T)
Derived — Daenyra, Daenar, Daenor, Daenelle, Daenal, Daen, Nerys, Naera, Daenir, Daenyx, Daeryx, Daerys, Daera, Daerya, Daenya, Daenyron, Daenorion, Norion, Daenyrion, Daenarion, Daenaeron, Daellar, Daelar, Daelon, Daelor, Daelan, Daelana, Daelanys, Daelenys, Daelyn, Aenaera
Canon — Maegon, Maegor, Maegelle, Maelor, Maekar (All T)
Derived — Maegar, Maela, Maelys, Maegys, Maegera, Maegara, Maegerys, Maegal, Maegyn, Maegan, Maekor, Maekaera, Maegaera, Maegaela, Maekion, Maelyra, Maegyra, Maelara, Maelar
Canon — Elaena (T), Valaena, Laena, Laenor (3 V), Helaena (T)
Derived — Laenys, Laenyra, Laenar, Laenelle, Helaenys, Elaenor, Elaenys, Laenion, Laenir, Laenyx, Elaenar, Laenora, Haena, Vaena, Alaena, Haela, Norys, Alaenys, Vaenys, Galaena
Canon — Visenya, Viserys, Viserra (T)
Derived — Viserya, Visenys, Senys, Saenys, Saenya, Saenar, Saenelle, Saenyelle, Saenyella, Serya, Serra, Serys, Saenir, Saenyx, Saenor, Viselya, Senial, Serial, Saerial, Visellan, Visarys, Visenna, Virenna
Canon — Baelon, Baela, Baelor, Balerion (Blackfyre), Valerion (Rest T)
Derived — Baelys, Baelar, Bael, Baelir, Alerion, Aleria, Aelir, Valeria, Valerys
Canon — Jaehaerys (T), Jacaerys (V), Lucerys (V), Jaehaera (T)
Derived — Lucerra, Lucerion, Jaehaerion, Jaerion, Lucerya, Jacaera, Jaena, Jaenelle, Jaecelle, Jaesir, Jaekar, Jaeron, Jaela, Jaelon, Jaelor, Jaerys, Haerys, Haera, Kael, Kaecion, Kaeciel, Kaecelle, Kaerys, Kaerion, Kaeriel, Lucarys, Jaeca, Nicerys, Nicaerys, Hecaerys, Nicerion, Hicaerys, Niceria, Nicae, Lucarya, Lucaenys, Lucaena, Nocorys
Canon — Lianna, Larissa (V [Andal? First Men?]), Alarra (FM [Massey]), Alyssa (V & T [Andal? FM?]), Alysanne (T)
Derived — Alysor, Lianys, Lianor, Sianna, Amanna, Alanna, Noranna, Narra, Nyssa, Anyssa, Alarya, Asenna, Norissa, Irenna, Orissa, Lysarra, Lisarra, Aranna
Canon — Valarr, Vaella (T)
Derived — Vaelys, Valarys, Alarys, Alarya, Valarya, Valarra, Vaellan
Canon — Gael, Saera, Shaera (T)
Derived — Saerys, Gaelys, Gaelor, Gaelon, Gaelion, Saerion, Shaerys, Shaerial, Shaerelle, Shaelle, Shael, Shaelys, Saevys, Shaerion, Gaela, Shaela, Shaehaera
Canon — Corwyn (V [Andal?]), Corlys (V)
Derived — Corla, Corlia, Corlaenys, Cora, Corys, Corlenys, Corlea, Corlae, Corvan, Corvana, Corvys
Malentine
Rhogar(/Rogar?/Rogare? [FM? HV?])
Monford
Monterys (All V)
Derived — Terys, Teraea, Taeraea, Taerion, Monys, Monerys, Montys, Rhogel, Malentys, Malenta, Monterion, Monterra, Mona, Monae, Monarra, Malentina, Lentys, Lenta, Lenya, Taenys, Taena, Alentys, Malya, Malys, Malea, Malena, Malenna, Malaena, Amalla, Alenna, Marissa, Monassa, Monessa, Monerra, Mosarra, Malarra, Malenys, Amarys, Mantys, Malta, Maltys, Maltine, Maltina, Amalta, Amaltine, Alta, Altys, Altarra, Maltar, Maltarys, Marion, Maltior, Malerion, Mornys, Mortys, Morton, Omorr, Omon, Malenion, Malenior, Almys, Monissa, Montissa, Montessa, Omona, Omorra, Maltion, Malton, Almont, Almae, Maltorra, Torys, Garys, Garla, Galtys, Torrine, Tarine, Maltarine, Maltarra, Almerra, Almarra, Almorra, Alterra, Lamina, Monta, Monte, Montae, Taera, Taerine, Taerin, Taerys, Manta, Almina, Almine, Rhonal, Rhonior, Rhomys, Almar, Malar, Malarr, Malarys, Almarys, Maline, Rhomalt, Rhomion, Rhomior, Rhomia, Rhoma, Rhoton, Rhomine, Rhomal, Rhogal, Rhomina, Rhomon, Rhomar, Rhomorr, Almassa, Rhomys, Rhomyn, Torial, Malial, Rhovys, Rhowyn, Matarra, Atarra, Rhomond, Rhomorra, Tormon
Matarys (T)
Derived — Matarya, Matara, Matys, Tarys, Tarya, Atara, Atarys, Tarial, Tarhael, Matarr
Canon — Orys, Borys, Orryn (Baratheon)
Derived — Orial, Ora, Orya, Orra, Borya, Boria, Boryl, Orelle, Orianne, Orael, Orrael, Orhael, Borion, Orion, Bora, Orian, Oryal, Oryas, Orias, Orios, Oryos, Rys, Ryssa, Ryssal, Orlisse, Rysla, Ryn, Rynel, Rynella, Boryn, Borryn, Rynal, Dorys, Orella, Dorella, Oryl, Orgillac, Orgyll, Borella, Borylla, Bolia, Bolas, Orlas, Ollyn, Olys, Olya, Orianna, Lorys
Bonus: Argellys
Canon — Maelys, Haegon, Aeryn, Calla, Rhalla, Shaena (Blackfyre)
Canon non-Westerosi Valyrians:
Jaenara Belaerys, Aurion
Canon Dragons:
Urrax, Terrax, Balerion, Vhagar, Meraxes, Vermithor, Caraxes, Meleys, Syrax, Vermax, Arrax, Tyraxes, Tessarion, Shrykos, Morghul, Viserion, Rhaegal
Unknown — Gaelithox?, Aegarax?
Original & HV Derived (some more suitable for dragons) — Aelsior, Qaelys, Qylys, Vhenys, Vhenya, Vhinyae, Vhanir, Vaenir, Vaenyx, Baelykos, Lykael, Lykaera, Raqael, Raqel, Raqys, Raqyssa, Raqissa, Raqar, Raqir, Raqor, Raqora, Raqior, Kionar, Malkion, Malkios, Vhaltir, Malkior, Vaedys, Vaedar, Elenys, Elenia, Elēnar, Elenarys, Elenarya, Elenara, Kostys, Kostir, Kostior, Pelarys, Pelonia, Pelonys, Eledrae, Eledrys, Eledryn, Peria, Perza, Perzys, Zysa, Amisor, Amisa, Aexior/Aeksior, Aexion/Aeksion, Raenion, Raenior, Qana, Qanys, Qantys, Ēbrior, Ēbrion, Ēbria, Jelmys, Jelmarys, Jelmazys, Jelissa, Tessarys, Tessara, Tessarae, Dessan, Dessenae, Hārys, Tōmarr, Tōmarys, Tōmasyn, Tessarax, Syrion, Syriel, Jēdarys, Jēdaria, Jorrael, Trēzos, Elilla, Vāedarys, Ōrbēdenos
Possible High Valyrian roots for names:
Rhaen — to; meet, find, encounter, discover
Bael — to help, to aid, to assist
Jael — to want, to wish/to store, to house
Jaelarys — hope (possible name)
#I was just hoarding these for no reason and then I realised oh I have a reddit now#but then I also realised that I don't despise myself so I remembered I still have tumblr#look I even kept the “common” names :D#I just want folks to realize we got options 😭#enough with throwing a bunch of consonants in the blender#let's respect the convention of AE#and -ys#and George might have had burnout when it came on to names but we're better off aren't we?!#yeah!#he got Rhaena from Rhaenys we can work with these We Have Options!#but yes as you can see I still had limits#house targaryen#house velaryon#house blackfyre#house baratheon#dragging them back to their roots by hook or crook >:(#it's bandoleros or nothing#therefore I guess it's only right to tag#house celtigar#FUCK didn't even show up in recommended tags this is so sad 😭#valyrian names#sometimes I compare a name's pronunciation in Common vs High Valyrian and my head hurts#Syrax what's happening w u bb 😭#is the y in Visenya a rounded vowel or actually an i *sleep-mussed contemplating Jungkook meme*#I'm good at names??#that's crazy
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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Pumpkin Carving
Special feature on a man and his adopted son.
#Jogjebi Rise returns#squirrel and hedgehog#bamsaegi#juldarami#geumsaegi#the more I worked on the pumpkins the more guilty I felt to be honest#but that is essentially how it happened at the end of S1#don't mind the little save icon there#I used the Changchon nursery school murals as a reference here#sah#I just like how it turned out lol#SaH#this looks way better on mobile for some reason to be honest#originally Juldarami was supposed to have a concerned expression and glancing back at Geumsaegi#but I could not pull it off#the clip on Bamsaegi's tie kept changing position in the show so I just have it there#discovered neon#honestly hurts my eyes in sketchbook#commander jogjebi
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i would call my dad to apologise, but knowing him it would just hurt him unnecessarily to be reminded of that because he's not really good with bluntness which is what caused this whole thing and the other issue is that i know i will impulsively act like this many times in the future, so i guess the best thing i can do is continue to be as kind to him as i can be
#crying as i'm typing this :/#idk nino has every reason to act that way towards his dad but i literally had/have none so seeing that behaviour last night in that episode#displayed so plainly really made me hate myself. and my dad is the very opposite of donato my dad is actually the most like enzo#he's infinitely kind and caring but he's better with numbers than words and i always twist whatever he says to something#he absolutely didn't mean and sometimes i even do it knowingly. i know he didn't mean it but#when i get mean i don't have a pause button i just let it all out#and my mom is like that too so we don't really hurt each other when we do that#but my dad and my sister take this kind of thing super personally. and they just stay quiet about it while you're being a monster#so i don't really know. i've been thinking about this a lot this entire semester i just don't want him to get sick again#but then again i can't shake off the feeling that he's interpreting me being less sharp as pity#he's okay btw but the doctor wasn't sure about something a month ago so idk...#this year has been. terrible. all three of them back home aren't having a good time at all#and i literally process all of that as my own problems#needed to put this somewhere just ignore it#letters from stephanie*
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living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more
#eliot posts#i'm not in active danger of hurting myself don't worry#just experiencing some Ideations#but i have a long mental list of reasons not to act on those ideations so i'm safe don't worry#ironically one of those reasons is ''i couldn't afford the medical bills for a failed attempt''#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#american healthcare my beloathed#dogshit private insurance my beloathed#also ironically one of the (multiple) contributing factors towards this fresh wave of ideations is a medical bill i got yesterday#it's nothing too ruinous but it is A LOT like would utterly wipe out my savings level#my parents said they can help me with it (as much as i hate accepting things from them)#and as soon as i mentioned it my very sweet cousin just. sent me the money it would take to cover it#with a ''yeah i trust you'll pay me back once you get a good job like looking at your major you'll be making a lot eventually''#and i've already requested an itemized bill as well as the paperwork for the hospital's financial assistance program#(tho idk how much assistance i'll actually be eligible for bc i'm still legally a dependent)#so hopefully i'll be able to get that bill cut way down#it's just eugh it's so stressful and i had a full on panic attack on the phone with my insurance company yesterday#and my brain's fav response to crushing stress is just ''well we wouldn't have to handle any of this if we Just Fucking Died! :)''
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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:
Steph (25):
Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)
Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)
Her worst trait really is her spitefulness
Cass (26)
Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.)
Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness.
Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)
Tim (24)
Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)
Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)
His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)
Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)
Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this).
Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)
His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)
Dick (17)
Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)
Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)
His worst trait actually is his anger issues.
Barbara (18)
Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)
Thinks her worst trait is her disability
Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)
Damian (16)
Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)
Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism
His worst trait actually is his perfectionism
Duke (16)
Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)
Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)
His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words
Jason (14)
Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne).
Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)
His worst trait actually is his reactiveness
#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#tim drake#dick grayson#barbara gordon#damian wayne#duke thomas#jason todd#batfamily#randomizedrobinsau#I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot#because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with#so I don't think I'm gonna#anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability#the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the#stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU#I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version#I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is#BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR#I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles#the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when#I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'
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#I've read some of you talking about your irls reaching out#Positive and negative thinga#And I'm... In the middle#I haven't hidden my love for 1D since it took over my life 3 years ago#So the people that know me know this about me#Granted they probably know more about Louis but still#One of my closest friends was a bit insensitive at first and I just couldn't reply#She then sort of came through and has been checking in#I don't think she realized how much it mattered to me#Then I told my best friend who's still back home#I also don't think she understood how important they are to me#She hasn't checked in again but she has sooo much shit on her plate that I don't even blame her although it still... A little bit#But I'm also like trying not to think they actually knew how seriously important these bois are to me#Anyway. Another friend... I saw him right after I found so I was still very much in shock and he knows about them and my deep connection#Saw him the next day he hugged me and asked me how I was and this was after the shock wore off and I had cried all night#I almost broke down again... But he hasn't checked in again and I'm a bit sad about it#Someone I met briefly in the summer and got to talking about the bois reached out and asked and I was glad they did#My sister has been checking in which has been very nice#Again... Idk... I don't need them to understand or be all over me asking or anything#It's just... Yeah.#And it just reinforces my gratitude for this space and the friends I've made the past couple of years#I have no idea where I'd be if I didn't have this and you all#But then again... The biggest reason I'm still in this community is the people I've met#So of course I would always have you here#Understanding something that outsiders could never#It's like trying to explain why Louis is so important to me... If you don't feel you won't get it#Rambles ramble#My eyes hurt
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And the kiss! (in addition to this)
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I'm not tagging this because the tags are just me rambling about my thoughts on what a says here. I guess it could be t/w/c critical? But barely I think lol.
#i was gonna put it on the same post as the other#but it didn't fit#and i'm going to ramble a bit in these tags#i still don't know how i feel about this scene#the kiss itself? love it#i don't think a is above sharing a ~moment~#but the “i cannot allow you to fall in love with me” is...huh?#why would you say that? what kind of sense does that make?💀#the thing that solidified my confusion at having a say that was the scene with the detective's bff - specifically if it's n#a will tell n this:#“but love…it is a weakness in my armour. i cannot allow that. if someone were to find that weakness and exploit it...”#“you know I have experienced that once already.”#and THAT makes sense#a's desire to be a knight is what shifted their duties to their sister#and a's love for her - for their family - is what feuled them into challenging the lord who then kills them all#so a repressing their emotions and being almost fearful of their love for the detective and their desire to be with them#makes sense as the reason why a pushes the detective away#so wouldn't saying “i cannot allow myself to fall in love with you” align with that more?#during my first read of b3 i thought it was a typo lol#but then i saw that there's an option where the detective can say “this is just flirting and what comes next would just be a kiss”#thats paraphrasing of course#but yeah the detective can basically go “its not that deep”💀#so a saying that was on purpose and i don't really understand why#i mean obviously they think they aren't worthy of the detective's love#but idk man it just feels weird to me😭#i'm adjusting it in my mind ngl otherwise zuri would back way off#because she isn't quite there yet lmao she knows she has feelings but she isn't calling it love rn#her response would just be her on the defense and deflecting and downplaying#which sucks because she's completely down for a moment at that point#it hurts more than she expects but she's down because she also thinks he shouldn't fall in love with her
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Juni kept the wings??? T-T And I was wondering what would happen to him during the eclipse I wanna pick up Juni and take him to another world where he can learn to actually be safe and happy and figure himself out.
-🎀
he kept the wings!! because in his life he's never seen anyone treated with so much gentleness and love as scar treated grian, and in his head this means that if he himself is avian-like, maybe then he could also be deserving of such love!
...though he knows that's not right. not anymore. not after everything.
but wings are also a burden, and he feels like he needs to keep them, if only because grian can't take off his. it's a weak repentance, a frail, silly grasp at a connection he himself broke, but... he doesn't have much else.
he doesn't know who he should be, but the most he ever felt like himself was when he had wings, so. they say.
..... and. as for picking juni up and taking him away. yes. yes please. 🥺 he needs love and safety and space to figure himself out.
(but that's a wish we can't grant </33)
#ange answers#ribbon anon#hhau#juni my beloved#the wings are complicated#but he keeps them#even after they were hacked off#and it was terrifying and hurt so indescribably much#(the idea of grian going through that?? oof. he thinks about that. a lot.)#he still put them right back on#which#it's interesting to note that grian sometimes wishes for his own wings to be gone#and he can't do it#so in a way what juni does is a show of misplaced solidarity too#gosh i hope i'm making sense here#i'm just rambling#it's tangled and i don't know if i'm expressing it right#so many emotions and reasons for the wings to stay#not all of them right#not all of them healthy#and i think he isn't even properly aware of them#it's not rationalised in his head or processed in any meaningful way#he just feels wrong without them in multitudes of ways
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Every now and then I see the discourse circulate on this hellsite, and I wonder if people know that the term 'yandere' used to have an extremely specific definition that no longer holds up to how people use it today
#I'm old enough to remember the original 'yangiri' discourse someone help me.#I don't have answers for this okay it's one of those things where if enough time and people change the definition of something there's not#much can be done about it. This isn't a call to action or anything. Just an old person talking from a rocking chair.#There's a reason I call what I write 'soft' but it's actually a lot closer to 'classic'.#Anyway that very specific original definition was something like: “so in love it made them sick”#Which often got interpreted as “insecure” or “overprotected” depending on the genre.#A big part of the ending would be either the yan killing themself; their competition; or -- and this is not a joke--#“true love would cure them”#(I don't like that one. I like it when the darling manipulates their yan but that's my personal predilection.)#You can see why some authors might play that for laughs instead of drama#in a uhhhhh sitcom-ish kind of way. Overbearing wife. Guard dog husband. Be careful. He bites.#Anyway the whole “yans hurting their darlings” wasn't unheard of but it wasn't common either? It was an outburst at the world#not an outburst at the love interest. Why won't they just let us be together? I'll make them! They can't get in between us!#At least hurting the darling wasn't the point. Yans aren't meant to be a 1 to 1 for being in an abusive relationship.#It's more about what if someone has too many emotions for one person and they're overflowing.#I dunno. Whenever I hear younger yan fans talk about it it's like “don't quote the scripture at me” kind of feeling#“That's not what yandere is” I was into yandere before you could read. Back when we had dial-up. Leave me alone in my retirement home.#And this is not a kink shaming thing if you're into the whole show of force because of whatever horror-based reason that's your thing#I get it. I really do. But this one is an actual rant about missing the point of the original text:#The whole thing about breaking legs to keep someone around actually meant something when it was a teenage girl trying to dominate a much#larger boy or man. When it's a man doing it to a girl it looses the meaning of the text. Like I get that for most people that's not what#they're going for. But the original usage was doing something. It was supposed to make the powerful feel powerless.#(and to remind people teenage girls are terrifying)
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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