#-mixed with my own gender dysphoria (?)

[ganondoodle]

Your art and character designs are really really amazing and you should keep drawing and writing whatever you want forever!!!!! I really love the body diversity you show and how, while a lot of your characters are pretty muscular they're not shrink-wrapped like how media always shows them but instead beefy and less conventionally beautiful (but still extremely gorgeous, of course.)!! Idk, it means a lot to me to see that sort of representation ^^ you're also amazing at showing diverse facial types which is so nice to see and I'm just such a big fan of your work 🥹🥹🥹 also the way you use colours is STUPIDLY gorgeous!!! every piece of yours is like stepping into a dream........the colours are so vibrant and it seems to glow from within like when you shine light on a layered oil painting, or something O:

Anyway..I hope this isn't too rambly and maybe improves your day :^) <3

[autolenaphilia]

Edit: as hoshi9zoe pointed out, the original version of this post needlessly berated other transfems like Jennifer Coates, for which I do apologize, and I have toned it down in this edited version. The original version survives in reblogs.

Some months ago, I was searching through this transandrobro blog to see if they posted a callout of me, and i found this reblog, which I couldn't really write about for months, because what do I even write. I recently wayback machined it for posterity, and I guess this is my attempt to write a post about it.

It's saint-dyke himself, the coiner of transandrophobia, saying that the infamous (at least for me) article "I am a transwoman. I'm in the closet. I'm not coming out" is what made him coin the fucking word. It's literally bolded and underlined: "Reading this article is what made me coin “transandrophobia”.

The reason I put off writing this post is that reading that article makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. And it is poison, make no mistake, it's internalized transmisogyny brainworms dripping out of the writer's brain and onto the page.

It's a justification for why the author, known by pseudonym Jennifer Coates, doesn't want to transition, despite knowing she is a trans woman. And it's the exact kind of internalized transmisogyny that keeps trans women in repression and not transitioning. "I'm not going to pass, i'm forever going to be an ugly freak who will at best be humored by other women, the closet is uncomfortable but at least it's safe"

It's the same exact bullshit a lot of represssed trans women tell themselves because it's what society tells us about trans women, that we are freakish parodies of women, that we will never pass, and if we don't pass we have failed and are ugly freaks. It's all to scare us into staying in the closet and make others hate and fear us. Transmisogyny permeates our society, and the majority, maybe all transfems will absorb and internalize some of it.

Coates says that it all is just applicable to her, but again so many transfems believe this shit before transitioning and realizing it's a pack of lies. If this bullshit was in any way valid, a lot of trans women shouldn't transition, because before we actually transition many of us believe it word for word. And "it's only true for me" is how we justify it to ourselves. We tend to be way harsher on ourselves than others. This kind of self-hating transfem tends to think: "Other trans women are beautiful graceful goddesses, earthly manifestations of the divine feminine, always destined to be women, while I'm an ugly forever male ogre who just has a fetish."

It's all bullshit, it's poison, it's internalized transmisogyny.

And the rest of the article is bullshit too. It is not some insightful mediation on gender as some people say, it's the author confusing and mixing up actual transmisogyny with an imagined problem of misandry. She does this because she has gone full repression mode, and decided she has no other choice to live as a man, so her dysphoria and experiences of transmisogyny are actually men's problems.

It's a bad article, excusable because as Coatas points out, it's "essentially a diary entry." that was meant to be a way to "vent frustration" and she "did not intend for anyone else to actually read it." It is clearly not the product of a healthy mind.

I hope the author sometime in the past seven years eventually did transition, and that for whatever reason she didn't want to publicly repudiate her own article. Maybe she lost access to the medium account so she can't delete it.

Far worse than the article itself is the response to it. I've seen it passed around as some insightful commentary on gender by the "feminists are too mean to men, misandry is real" crowd. I have argued against this before. And other people have made insightful comments about it.

And learning that saint-dyke claiming that he was inspired to coin the word "transandrophobia" because of this article is the cherry on top of this shitcake of transmisogyny. For my thoughts on "transandrophobia" theory and how transmisogynistic it is, see here.

Of course, Saint-dyke absolutely could be bullshitting here. Claiming that Coates's article is what inspired him to coin the word might be a lie to claim that transandrophobia theory is not transmisogynistic because it came from listening to trans women.

This is why "listen to trans women" doesn't work. Because TME people will always choose a trans woman who confirms their prejudices. Blair White has made an entire career out of this. And Coates article is popular because it says that misandry is real and trans women's issues are partly caused by it, misgendering herself and other trans women.

And it's popular for another reason. Coates has thoroughly internalized transmisogyny, and thus her article presents a trans woman that is exactly as transmisogynistic patriarchal society wants her to be. She is suffering, but ultimately accepts her assigned role. She truly believes that her biological sex dooms her to forever be male. She literally "manages her dysphoria by means other than transition" as conversion therapy advocates want us to do. She never makes an social claim on womanhood by actually transitioning, so she doesn't invade the sacred women's spaces. Yet she performs the role of woman perfectly by serving men, by defending them from supposed feminist misandry. And she fulfils the ritualistic role that the rhetorical figure of "trans women" sometimes serves in progressive spaces, of giving a blessing to TME people's pre-existing views and actions, all while actual flesh-and-blood trans women are destroyed by those same deeply transmisogynistic spaces. This time it's a blessing for the same "misandry is real" soft-MRA bullshit that has infested the online left and created the transandrophobia crowd.

That is why this article and the positive response makes me sick, makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. This is what its fans want trans women to be like. I'm acutely aware this kind of self-denial is exactly what transmisogyny wants from me and tried to indoctrinate me into doing it. And I want none of it. I want to live, I want to be a woman.

[drdemonprince]

Did you ever struggle with feeling guilty about transitioning, especially w/r/t transmasculinity being in some way antifeminist? I often feel like I’m committing an act of betrayal :/ Like, if I can choose on some level what position to occupy in gendered society, then is it morally defensible to move towards the oppressor position?

(Why yes, I do have anxiety and serious issues with rumination, often themed around the ways in which I am probably a bad person)

Personally, no. I never felt welcome in mainstream cis feminism. I felt strongly alienated by the gender essentialism, the exclusion of trans people, and the mix of cruelty and neglect that was lobbed at male victims of sexual assault and domestic violence.

I had been sexually victimized by women numerous times in my life, and mainstream feminism didn't seem to have anything to say about that, or any sympathy for the victims of women. Within feminist activist groups that I had some tertiary connection to, I saw trans women being excluded from events for sexual violence survivors, and observed a cis female get away with repeated acts of sexual aggression and abuse because she was a woman and a survivor, and so no one felt free to argue with her about what she "needed" in order to recover (in this case, forcing trans men to have sex with her). In these spaces my own body was commented upon, my boundaries were pushed, and a great deal of coercion and underminement was constantly going around.

I was also highly put off by the individualistic, girl-boss feminist nature of most feminist movements that I witnessed as a person growing up in the early 2000's - 2010s. In academic labs studying gender-based oppression, people spoke only against the pay gap faced by white women, never the ones faced by women of color or men of color. Critiques of white feminism were rarely if ever taken seriously. It was a gross environment to be around, and I avoided it as much as possible, honestly.

I didn't become a feminist at all, really, until after I embraced myself being trans. Once I was firmly out of the coerced "female" box, I could witness how much easier life was for me than for women. I listened to trans feminist thinkers and saw clear patterns in how transmisogyny and misogyny played out that helped me better understand things. And I felt confident enough to speak out about my status as a man who has been preyed upon by women and sexually abused by them, as well as by men, and to critique mainstream feminism for its transphobia, racism, and other problems. And because I was a man, I always got away with saying such things.

Personally I think feminist movements aren't shit if they aren't trans feminist, and while I can hardly claim to have always been enlightened on all trans feminist matters (like a lot of trans mascs, I used to long for having been "born a boy" and "having more confidence" from it, believing that male socialization was that simple, my resentment and dysphoria curdling into a pretty transmisogynistic world view even if i didnt realize it), something profoundly rotten and missing within mainstream feminist movements always kept me out of it. It was never a comfortable, safe space for me and I didn't give a shit about 'betraying' it.

[alterpathy]

Alterpathy: The practice of identifying, categorizing, and identifying with fictional and imagined illnesses due to a disconnect between your external and internal understanding of yourself - while also not intending to appropriate, romanticize, or cause harm to a minority group.

this is going to be a really long post because i want to cover all the basics. future coinings will not be nearly as long.

identifying, categorizing, and identifying with: making flags, coining terms, and posting about your experience. alterpathic conditions can also be divided into a couple of categories, which are detailed later in the post.

disconnect between your external and internal understanding of yourself: for some reason, even though you're aware that this isn't how conditions that affect the body work, you experience a reoccurring condition that is serious to you. this can be because of atypical dysphoria, delusions, alternate beliefs, delusions, or anything else similar.

appropriation, romanticism, causing harm: this doesn't mean that actions you take are automatically excused of harm, but it's a silent agreement and nodding between yourself and others that you're not trying to come from a place of ableism/bigotry.

ignoring/excusing bigotry: examples of ignoring/excusing bigotry would be implying that someone can "coin" a real mental illness/other condition in the same way you can coin a gender, implying you can "transition" into a congenital condition with subliminal videos or otherwise, and anything else that goes against science's understanding of illness and neurodivergence. there's nuance to this, of course, because the psychology field isn't an absolutely perfect field that can do no wrong - it's up to the person coining/the person identifying to look at the situation and act accordingly.

examples of situations that might bring you to identify this way:

being a fictive/kin/introject/etc of a character who had a disease or type of injury that was invented for their media, like zombie diseases, cyberbrain cclerosis, the cutie pox, hanahaki disease, etc, and feeling affected by it in any way

experiencing something in your system's headspace that's like a reoccurring illness

having limbs like wings, tails, horns, etc in your headspace with some kind of damage to them that causes you phantom discomfort

feeling anxiety/frustration because you're experiencing something on a metaphysical level which you know your physical body isn't experiencing, but it's still very serious to you and possibly even hurting your quality of life

grammar:

alterpathy: 1) the practice of naming/making flags/categorizing these, "here's my mogai blog and here's my alterpathy blog"; 2) this kind of condition. "my depression and my alterpathy make it hard for me," "i might have an alterpathy but i'm not sure"

alterpathic: descriptor that describes these conditions. "it's alterpathic," "how to cope with alterpathic..."

inspiration and some context on why we're coining this

this was largely inspired by the r*dqueer term of x*nomalady, because after the system looked into it, we did see a lot of cases of people who were genuinely experiencing something serious, but didn't seem to think that there was any space other than the rqc that would be accepting of someone identifying with a disease that technically didn't exist. these cases were mixed in with genuinely ableist people who displayed the behaviors i listed above in "ignoring/excusing bigotry," which feels wrong to me, and i think that people who aren't intending to harm anyone deserve their own terminology and space.

crossover

there is some crossover with dissodic, desirdae, intusui, ethix +etc good faith terms related to feeling like you have, internally have, desire, or identify with something you technically don't, and i think that's fine. you can identify with an alterpathic term and the equivalent of it in another term umbrella, that's fine. do whatever fits best to describe your experiences.

so, is this just x*nomalady but Good?

not exactly, i don't want this to be thought of as a 1-to-1 anti rq equivalent, because again, some x*nomalady people are just coining """disorders""" for fun because they think you can do that in the same way you would a gender. this is both an identity/experience, and a silent agreement to be critical of what you're putting out into the world. this is also not focused on "coining" new conditions unless that's really necessary. (not necessary = making up a new illness for funsies. necessary = putting a name to a reoccuring condition you've been experiencing in headspace, etc.)

in the same way that terms like dissomei and intusui aren't 1-to-1 tr*nsid but Good and are separate term umbrellas that have their own nuances and notes, this is a good-faith alternative for people genuinely experiencing this kind of thing.

can i coin my own?

yes, this is open to everyone to coin! though, i will be posting a couple of flags for some alterpathic things in a couple of days, so you might want to wait until those come out so you can see how i format the post.

TDLR: considering yourself to have a condition that's not possible in reality because of some internal identity, but not in a fashion where you ignore/excuse bigotry.

can i post this term on…

wiki/term definition sites: yes, and you don't have to ask, but i would like to be informed.

pinterest/other social medias: no, never, i'm not comfortable with someone else posting my term for me.

subtypes:

when a different self began working on this, he set out two subtypes of alterpathic condition. unlike something like the age ratings in nichelink, these are absolutely optional, and you don't have to include these in your term definition if you don't want to/don't find it useful. but i think that if you're like me and like lots of details, these could be appealing, so i will include what he wrote:

Fiction-based. This is aimed at conditions that are established some way in a work of fiction/media, such as:Hanahaki Disease Slender Sickness Radiation Sickness (as seen in the Fallout series, not the IRL version) Environment-Based. Specific conditions that you can recognize are happening because of things already in your environment, like trauma, alterhuman labels, existing neurodivergent symptoms and so on. As an example, I'll mention the specific thing one of the alters in my system has that inspired me to make this subtype. He is a fictive of an angel character, but from my perspective it is vary obvious that his wings don't work and cause him muscle cramps in our headspace as a metaphor for an injury we had when were a child that gave us severe muscle cramps and required extremely painful and traumatizing physical therapy. That's something that was in our environment, so I'd call it environment-based. Subtypes are an optional category though, and you might not be able to decide/understand if yours fits into one or both, and that's fine. Also, I acknowledge that just two subtypes might not be enough to cover all the bases, and also there are probably tons of conditions that fall into both or inbetween, and that's fine. I want to "cross that bridge as we come to it", and let people who identify with this tell me their thoughts about what other words need to be coined.

flag inspiration rambles

this flag went through a lot of design phases. it was originally much more inspired by the general disability flag, because we imagined that most of the appeal would be to people who are actually disabled (mentally ill people, etc). the final flag became more inspired by existing terms for people who experience a disconnect between themself and their conditions. i saw many examples of shades of purple and pink, scalloped stripes/rounded shapes, and specifically these flags were the biggest inspirations:

dissocogni and dissophysi by @/acetrappolaswife (deactivated)

desirsick/desirill by @shrubmogai

other stuff

tags: @antiradqueerguy | @radiomogai | @archive-of-form | @everythingarchive | @mad-pride maybe? | @plurality-faq | @anti-rq-gumi | @doomsd8ydevice // ask to be untagged

"would (thing) fit this?" ask, there's tons of room for discussion and nuance.

this post was written mostly by nichie.

flag template:

hanahaki disease example:

nonfunctional angel wings example:

[stinkysam]

Choi Subong “Thanos” - Just boyfriend.

Warning : Dysphoria

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : “Thanos x ftm reader?” -anon

Reader : male (he/you)

A/N : bold is in English. // reader is taking testosterone and has done top surgery but is not out to his parents. // kinda short ;-;

Thanos knew there was something going on with you. Your hair, clothes, your voice, actions. Sometimes you made him think you were more of a boy than a girl.

But you weren’t close enough for him to worry about it and for you to explain everything, until your friendship deepened, spending more time together.

“T, I’m gonna be serious for a minute or two, and your reaction will really matter for the future of our friendship.” You announced one day.

“Okay ?” He replied with a frown, more confused than anything.

“Because I’m doing some spring cleaning in my friendships and I have something to say.”

He looked with wide eyes, waiting for you to continue. Stop creating so much tension.

“I’m trans.”

“Huh ?” He chuckled, confused. You bit down a nervous smile.

“I’d like you to gender me as a man.” You added. “Stop viewing me as a chick and start using he/him when referring to me.”

“Huh ?”

“Huh ?” You imitated him. “Did I stun the great Thanos ?”

“Fuck you mean you’re not a chick ?! Since when ?”

Cue to a long discussion about how you’ve been feeling for a long time and your visits with a lot of professionals.

It took him a bit of time to use your right set of pronouns. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he constantly had to watch his mouth to not accidentally out you to random people, and he loves to yap. Which happened a couple of times. Luckily they just looked at him weirdly before moving on, thinking he just mixed his words up.

So you had an idea. You told him to use your chosen pronouns no matter the situation you were in, and if someone asked something, you’d reply it’s just a private joke between you two. It worked well, but not that much with your parents.

“He ?”

“Yeah… ?” Thanos replied looking at your mom with a confused expression. Did he say something wrong ?

“Yes, sorry, it’s an inside joke. ” You quickly added with a smile, grabbing Thanos by the back of his neck like you would grab a cat doing something it shouldn’t.

“An inside joke ?” Your mom asked, still not understanding.

“Yeah, she’s just so used to calling me a ‘he’ that she does it naturally now.” You flashed her a smile, hoping she’d bite and leave you alone. “Right Subong ?”

“Uh, yeah…”

“Maybe if you looked less like a man that wouldn’t happen. Did you stop putting the padded push up bras I bought you ? It looks like your boobs completely disappeared.” She approached to put her hands on your chest but you pulled away, taking a step back.

“I’m old enough to buy my own.”

“Put them back on and that man will stop calling you a ‘he’. He’ll easily remember you’re a girl.” She said, walking away.

You blinked slowly, grimacing, lightly squeezing Thanos’ neck. You felt like you were back in school.

“I’m sorry.” Thanos whispered.

“Shut up.”

He’s met a couple trans people here and there, mainly fans who corrected him when he addressed them wrong. He just looked at them confused and moved on. Okay, whatever, next.

“Weird, I met a dude who told me he wasn’t one.” He says in a voice message a few minutes after leaving said fan.

“It means that person is probably trans.” You sent back with a laugh.

“What, like you ?”

“Yeah but the other way around.”

“Can’t he… Mh… She ? Should I say she ? Can’t she donate her dick to you ?”

“Yes, she. And no it doesn’t work that way. And maybe she already got rid of it.”

“What do they do with it ? Once the dick is detached ?”

“How do you think they make dildos ?” You replied laughing before continuing. “No, the dick isn’t detached, it’s just heavily modified so it becomes a vagina. The rest that’s useless is discarded. Into the trash can~”

“Wait- so you can’t give her your boobs either ?”

“Ah, this hurts, T. I got them removed a year ago.” You whined. “Didn’t my mom speak about them in front of you one day, talking about how they disappeared ?”

“It wasn’t because you didn’t put on the bras she gave you ?”

“No ! I had boobs you could see even without bras, come on !”

“I never saw them.”

“You perv.” You laughed. “Stop looking for people’s boobs.”

“No~”

“Anyway. I used to alway put on a binder so I guess you couldn’t see the difference once I got them removed.”

“How was I supposed to know, then !? You tell me nothing !”

“Ah, fucking bastard, now it’s my fault ?! We weren’t big friends back then, why would I tell you ? Huh ?!”

“Because we’re best friends now ! We tell each other when we take a shit, no ? So tell me when you do something.”

You send him a voice message of you just sighing very loudly.

“Okay. I’ll tell you when I get a dick, then.” You added in another message.

“Send me pictures, okay ?”

“Fuck off.” You replied, laughing.

He’s really great and supportive but he makes mistakes by thinking too much sometimes.

“What’s up my girlboyfriend ?” Thanos asked, waving his hands in the air, approaching you.

You slowly looked away from your laptop, turning to him, looking at him in confusion.

“What ?” You asked calmly.

“My girlboyfriend.” He repeated confidently.

You slowly shook your head.

“No.” At his lack of response you continued. “Why the fuck- why would you call me girlboyfriend ?” You leaned closer, trying to understand his thought process.

“Because you were a girl… and now you’re a boy.” He stated, as if it was the most logical thing.

“What ? Why-” You rubbed your face. “Why would you mix past and present ? And I wasn’t a girl, I was still a boy, I just didn’t know it ? Were you really straight before realizing you were actually bisexual ?”

He looked at you then to the sides, thinking while pouting.

“Boyfriend ?” He finally asked, making you chuckle lightly.

“Yeah !”

“Okay.” He nodded, throwing his hands in the air again.

There are times where your mood is at an all time low. Dysphoria kicking your ass as you can’t find what to wear to ease it a bit. It wasn’t your chest the problem, but your overall appearance. Though you had a packer on, you knew it was fake and your brain refused to not think about it.

You’d sometimes refuse to hang out or go on dates because of it. And each time you mentioned why, Thanos quickly rushed to your place, ringing your doorbell constantly till you finally opened him, ready to hype you up.

He sometimes brings a bag of his own clothes so you could wear them. You already buy yours in men’s sections either on the internet or physically but wearing his baggy clothes does help a bit.

He’s not the type to gently hype you, coaxing you into feeling yourself manly enough. He’ll literally yell at you.

“What are you on about ?! Are you some type of dumbass ?!” He’s already yelling as soon as you open the door.

You glared weakly at him, already wanting to kick him out.

“Quickly feel normal again ! You’re a man, so man up !” He strongly patted your arm, nearly making you stumble to the side.

“Hey, you wanna fight ?! Why are you yelling at me like that ?! You come into my house and dare insult me ?! The fucking nerves !”

“I’m not gonna pick you up piece by piece ! Are you crazy ?! You’re a man, what part of you screams the opposite ?!”

He had touched a sore spot.

“So many parts of my body are screaming it ! Are you fucking blind ?! My pussy, my scars, my muscles- my… ” You sighed, tired, letting yourself fall onto the couch with a groan. “Everything.” You added, your arm covering your face. You've had enough.

You loved being able to take testosterone, going to the gym to define your muscles, watching YouTube videos to change your voice, but it wasn’t going fast enough and you wished you didn’t have to do that and more. It was so slow and you’d have to take testosterone all your life, a constant reminder you weren’t a biological man.

He stared at you, disconcerted. Generally you’d yell back at him, arguing back and forth till everything that frustrated you was out the window. But sometimes it didn’t work, your thoughts and anxiety getting the best of you.

Sighing, Thanos approached you, unsure if you wanted space or not. He decided to try anyway, squeezing himself between you and the backrest of the couch, wrapping his arms around you.

“Come on. You’re still a man.”

You hummed, trying to get a hold of yourself. Though you had already cried before him, you didn’t like doing so, feeling too weak.

“You should-”

“I don’t want problem solving.” You quickly said, cutting him off. You already knew what he was gonna say anyway.

He rubbed your back with one hand, the other one pulling your arms away from your face, letting him plant a kiss on your forehead.

You moved closer, as if it was possible, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, his fingers now tapping rhythmically on your back.

“Keep being patient. Your bottom surgery is already planned, anyway.”

“I know.” You replied quietly, sighing. “But it’s so far away.”

“When you go back to Thailand I’ll follow you, okay ? Don’t want you to feel too much at home and never come back to me.”

You smiled weakly, closing your eyes.

“Ah… How will I get rid of you then ?”

“Can’t and won’t.”

[sid-sn]

My Darling Irene

my Irene headcanons below cuz someone asked <3

all interpretations of characters are my own and it’s not historical or canonical accurate, will change based on the future canon updates

contains certain explicit content so please see the tags, outlast itself is a warning tbh

According to the voicelines she’s drugged and hypnotized by her husband and most of the time is just a very obedient trad wife. But they also mentioned she would argue with Easterman and wants to leave him after discovering he’s been drugging her. So in my headcanon her mental state is very unstable, she’s drifting in and out of the drugs effects, she’s not entirely lost and is constantly fighting against the manipulation of her husband.

But as the time settings is in the 1960s so the general environment is pretty misogynistic. She’s confused about the social role of a woman that she often questions wether this abusive marriage is expected to be normal or she’s going insane. (That’s when Avellanos comes in and change her entire worldview with lesbians sex)

As for the self harm wounds that’s solely because Easterman loves to have power over ppl so he makes her harm herself under drugs or hypnosis. (according to his conversation with Wernicke I assume he’s repulsed at hetero sex, probably because of his own gender dysphoria. So yes that misogynistic freak gets off to her pain is hardly a surprise) Irene usually doesn’t remember the process, so she mistaken those are because of her own alcoholism and depression. She hates herself and those wounds, would use bandages to hide them.

I headcanon she comes from a decent wealthy family, provided her with enough sense of self and knowledge but not enough to let her see beyond the social gender discipline. She met Easterman and his brother Stanley in high school, their relationship is kind of like the langermanns and Jessica situation in O2. Stanley secretly had a crush on her but unfortunately Irene only views him as a friend back then, too blinded by the feigned maturity of Hendrick and her family probably favors Hendrick over Stanley’s soft and pessimistic personality anyway. Both of the brothers are not mentally stable as they both grow up in an abusive household, unlike Hendrick who is good at hiding his fucked up mentality Stanley is very aware of his inability to provide her with a healthy relationship, but still he cares for Irene deeply. She later developed some feelings for Stanley after she’s stuck in the terrible marriage.

But then again we know too little about the brothers, the whole Easterman family is a giant mess. To elaborate on my headcanons on Easterman’s family will take another wall of text so I will skip that here, but I’m also very interested in that topic.

Anyway we know what happened to Stanley next(actually we don’t) Irene is absolutely devastated, would often see him in her dreams and drugs induced hallucinations. Sometimes Stanley appears to her in an unspeakable way(my explanation for the uniform kink, that police line is irrelevant to me idc), she’s terrified of her own infidelity but it’s a comfort to her nonetheless. She’d see him appearing as a corpse sometimes but he’d never been scary to her. Everything about Stanley is a comfort compared to her reality.

Her feelings regarding her husband is mixed. Deep down she hates his guts but the environment around her is making it impossible for her to leave, so her mind would probably develop a self protect mechanism that’s build around the fond memories with him before marriage, which leads to her thinking she still loves her husband. Also the drugs and hypnosis aren’t helping.

In conclusion she’s not a blank trad wife character to me, and I don’t think that’s what red barrels wanted her to be either.

[velvetvexations]

in regards to the forcemasc/forcefem argument, it's so. stupid and inane and insidious. "why would these men who have actively experienced social forcefem in a painful or traumatic way ever want to engage with a kink they find compelling while changing it so as not to remind them of the (often painful/degrading/helpless) experience of dysphoria? they just want forcefem but for boys 😡" like yeah. maybe they do. that's crazy that two similar groups might seek gender euphoria in ways unique to their own experience, with neither more real or valid or socially martyred than the other.

like, it's really giving "our glorious gender euphoria" "their evil disgusting perversion of our unique challenges" like it it genuinely not that deep. i can't imagine being that unempathetic towards people who are literally trying to use the same coping mechanism that you are. that's wild

furthermore the whole "they're taking OUR hard-earned toys that we did the work to reclaim >:((" is so stupid. tell me in fewer words that you never leave tumblr. it's a handful of kink blogs who are playing with the idea of kink mixed with gender euphoria. its not a wholly unique idea and kink works very differently than they seem to think it does.

and furthermore!! one last thing. i HATE how forcefem is the current big meme. i'm respectful about it because i understand like. different strokes for different folks, what's harmful for me is healing for others. but "everyone should be forcefemmed" "forcefems you" "if you dont want to be forcefemmed then you're no fun" or!! or. the idea of forcefemming is a little too close to my own personal trauma around gender and transness. idk i just cant wait until it stops being everywhere untagged

It's hard to overstate how much forcefem is still a cis man thing when you step outside of trans leftist circles on social media.

[randomuser678]

I love how most Batman villains have a genderbend version of them, specially bc as a trans woman I want to read into them being trans

Like, the Ventriloquist's design is of a mild mannered boring looking man who contrasts with his puppet Scarface who's much more rude and greedy, it feels like Scarface is a way for his ventriloquist to express his more rude side while distancing himself from them.

Now on my read where she's a trans woman there would be two layers of repression here, Ventriloquist personified her "masculine" side into the puppet who acts like a stereotypical tough guy, a rude bossy mafia leader, and she became a sexy trophy wife for him, this way she separates herself from the undesirable masculine traits, as well as becoming a love interest to a man who makes all the decisions for her, she only exists to support him, she finally made it to cisnormative and heteronormative ideals of femininity! It comes off as a tragic clinging to idealized femininity and male approval on a way I really relate to.

Clayface also has a really good portrayal of Dysphoria since in the versions I've seen they're an actor who hates their own face and got into a drug that would make their face easy to remold, then it went horribly wrong and now their entire body is moldable, Lady Clayface didn't have to change that general backstory for it to work at all, and the theme of beauty is common on female villains, but tbh I love this one specifically because of the trans read being more obvious, and this is the one case where a character didn't have to change backstories at all for the female version, she can still be a former actor with dysphoria that later gains shapeshifting powers, it's almost a happy ending for her now that she can change her shapes even if it's still tragic.

Calendar girl has a similar theme (Although she's both a version of Calendar man but also The Manikin) where she's a former celebrity who's horrified by her appearance under the mask and is "aging out" of her career, her attacking themed on holidays is both a mockery of her job as a model and needing to keep up with trends and also to show her resentment towards the passage of time, it's a really fun mix of characters and my trans read of her would be similar to Clayface. Also how youth and beauty is valued in society as a whole and older trans people in general are ignored on the mainstream.

And because the comic book world is really hostile towards genderbends (see Oswald from the newest Batman cartoon) a lot of them have instead characters who co-exist with their male counterparts, that was the case for the Ventriolquist since she just took the role from the previous one, but sometimes they do what they did here:

Madame Crow is part of the Victim Syndicate, a group of people who were victims of different villains and now resent Batman for not saving them, their powers are now ironic mirrors to the characters they were victimized by, and on Madame Crow's case, where she was a victim of the fear toxins from the Scarecrow, she made toxins that completely rid a person of any fear or self-preservation. And idk the fact that she wants to create something that gets rid of fears and repression just comes off as queer to me even though it was obviously not intentional, it's just that on a version where she IS the Scarecrow I would love how thematically fitting it all is.

I've seen pieces about how Batman is inherently queer bc super heroes and villains as a whole empower themselves through creating an alternative persona on an over the top camp way that's basically drag.

Some male villains have female sidekicks, Sugar and Spice, Query and Echo, and I guess those are harder to read as female personas of the same character like how I've been doing, but idk, you can rewrite the stories however you like to make these work, maybe twoface is bigender and flips a coin to decide which gender they're going with, that would be on theme. You can do anything ever with these characters.

Also I never understood why ppl were mad about Oswalda, every version of Batman changes backstories around, why is changing a character's gender or whatever completely out of line with that they've already been doing for decades? Anyways I'm trans and this is all.

[cucumberteapot]

Ugh! I love how so unapologetically punk this film. Obviously, there's Hobie with his battle jacket and electric guitar, and his whole Vibe™ immediately comes to mind, but the subgroups of punk are so deeply entrenched throughout the entire movie.

Like Hobie's style, in particular, reminds me so much of how British punk fashion is accumulating old, worn, even ugly pieces of clothing and turning it into something cool. It's thrift stores. It's hand-me-downs. It's customisations. It's momentos from friends. Maybe even piercings done by friends. It's about taking things from different places and making them your own - which is exactly how Hobie ends up making the dimension travel watch. Another thing is Hobie's blue laces, which I've been told is punk-code for having killed a police officer. We as audience members can go back and forth on whether ATSV is a copaganda film or has its themes, but I believe that tiny detail about Hobie is huge for a film distributed from a country that often values authoritative institutions more than it citizens.

Gwen is implicitly trans and shaves half her head, which is, from my understanding, HUGE for trans women who experience gender dysphoria. A lot of Gwen's fashion and prom dress especially reminds me of Hayley Williams in the late 2000s-early 2010s. It's very experimental, which I feel matches her age and uncertainty about being Spiderwoman, her dad, and Peter's death.

There's also a lot of concept art for Gwen's hair where her side-cut becomes an undercut and she wears it in a pony tail or bun and I just think they're so cool - D especially.

Miles G Morales' design is so heavily inspired by alternative goth fashion and techwear - a mix of combat attire and hip-hop streetwear. It's loose yet slick with it's own customisations in the crown-cut collar and the spray-paint insignia, and incorporates high-advanced technology in the mask.

It's futuristic. A what-could-be. And specifically what Miles could've been if he wasn't bit by the spider. Another cool thing, I don't know if this is related but worth pointing out, is that Prowler wears a modified (leather, bomber, varsity??) jacket. That's kinda crazy for an superhero/anti-hero suit if you think about it. Most of the time you'll see Marvel or DC characters running around in a spandex suit or (for women) almost nothing at all. But like Hobie we see how Miles G styles himself even when he's disguised. Like I wouldn't be surprised if his outfit change was just turning the jacket inside out like a sukajan jacket.

ATSV has so many characters with the own specific styles and it's really nice to see where most franchises are all or nothing when it comes to character design aesthetics.

[spidey-x-male-reader]

HOBIE WITH A FTM READER FEELING DYSPHORIC. (plsplshearmeout

Pairing: Hobie Brown (Spider-Punk) x trans male!reader

Requested: yes / no

Warnings: gender dysphoria

A/N: The Gender dysphoria is only very briefly actually described but I feel like mentioning that it's purely based on my experience and might not be the same for everyone

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

MASTERLIST

"Love? Are you in here?" Hobie knocked gently on your bedroom door before slowly opening it. The room was dimly lit, and you could barely be seen under the layers of blankets that engulfed you. You curled up tighter, seeking solace in the warmth and darkness.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Hobie's voice carried a mix of amusement and concern. He approached the bed and sat down on the edge, his eyes fixed on your huddled form. He respected your desire for silence, but he couldn't bear to leave you alone in such a state.

You mumbled from beneath the blanket, "Don't wanna talk about it."

Hobie let out a soft hum and waited patiently. He knew that sometimes you just needed silence. After a while, you rolled onto your back, allowing yourself to look at him again.

"How about now?" he asked, his eyes filled with gentle understanding.

"I don't know..." You gave a small shrug. "It's just... it just sounds stupid."

"Nothing you say sounds stupid, love." Hobie reached out, lightly rubbing your shoulder. "You know I've never judged you for anything."

"Yeah, I know." You sighed, a hint of frustration tingeing your voice. "I just... hate how I am. I hate how I look. Every time I see myself in the mirror, it's like my own skin doesn't belong to me. It sounds so silly, but I can't help it." A quiet sob escaped you, and you instinctively hugged yourself, seeking comfort in your own embrace.

"Oh, Darling..." Hobie's voice grew softer, an unwavering tenderness in his tone. It was the way he always spoke to you, devoid of any kind of judgement. That was why you loved him. "Is it alright if I hug you?"

You studied his expression for a few fleeting moments before nodding slowly.

Without hesitation, Hobie laid down beside you, his arms enveloping you in a warm embrace. He held you close to his chest, creating a safe space within his arms.

"You're beautiful, you know?" His whisper tickled your ear, carrying a sincerity that made your heart flutter. "No matter how you look. And I will always love you, okay? You're perfect."

"Hobie..." Your voice wavered with a mix of gratitude and vulnerability.

"No. I don't want to hear it, love." Hobie's words flowed softly, punctuated by gentle kisses on the side of your head. "You're perfect just the way you are, in my eyes. You'll be alright. And by the way, I happen to know that my boyfriend is absolutely handsome and perfect and I’m so lucky to have him." He chuckled, a soothing sound that warmed your soul. "I love you so much."

[intersex-questions]

"Can I identify as intersex if I have no intersex traits?"

"I want to be intersex but I'm not."

"Can I transition to be intersex?"

Questions and feelings like these aren't uncommon. The short answer is, well, no, you can't identify as or transition to be intersex. And, reasonably, many intersex people get frustrated and tired of perisex (non-intersex) people asking them this. But wondering these things, especially if you are experiencing distress or dysphoria over them, is completely okay. I would just like to say that I, as an individual, am okay with any questions of the sort and encourage them, but please do not go around asking any intersex person you find these sorts of questions.

Being intersex is an experience that one is born with or develops over time due to their own natural body and not by the influence of things like being on HRT for trans+ reasons. Some examples include being born with different genitalia than what's acceptable in the widely-spread understood (but false) binary model of biological sex, or experiencing different levels of hormones that are commonly associated with only one of the binary sex.

A lot of people, before realizing they're intersex and have intersex variations in their body, want to be intersex without fully understanding why. I used to be like this. I use to desperately wish that I could be intersex, as it would explain why my body was the way it was, and explain the experiences that I had had for so many years. It turned out I was intersex, and this explained why my body was different from other's!

However, if that isn't you, that's okay. Still, you can't label as intersex. Intersex is more of an experience than it is a label you can simply choose or not choose to be. Although, yes, people who fall under being intersex do not have to call themselves that if they don't wish, much of society at large will still consider them intersex. It is an important term for many to have as it allows them to find community, resources, and explanations to their lived experiences in bodies that are naturally out of what many consider "the norm".

However! The good news is there ARE labels and communities for individuals who "want" to be intersex. (Although avoiding the phrasing wanting to be intersex is important as one cannot become intersex, thus the phrase is generally accepted as offensive.)

Let me introduce you to the term altersex.

Altersex is an umbrella term that can be defined in a few different ways, although I'll be using a personal definition, as many definitions online are unreliable.

Altersex - An umbrella term to describe having or wanting primary or secondary sex traits/characteristics that do not align with the binary sex model that a significant portion of society has adopted. It is primarily used by those who are not intersex and are trans+ and wish to or transition specifically to have a body that does not fit the aforementioned sex model. It can also be applied to fictional characters whose sex is not intersex but still doesn't match the binary sex model and/or human binary sex model.

The term absolutely is open to individuals who wish to use it to explain how their body has changed due to trans+ transitioning or due to being intersex! It's simply not as common, but anyone can use it. An example of someone who might use it in that way could be a trans+ person who has been on testosterone HRT and experienced clitoromegaly because of it, and wishes to have a label/term/community that explains and expresses how they no longer fit binary sex standards.

Some common examples, feelings, or reasons as to why someone would label as or fall under the altersex umbrella includes:

Someone who was born with a vulva/vagina, but wishes to have mixed sex characteristics and wants a vulva as well as a penis

Someone who desires to remove all external genitalia of theirs (gender nullification)

Someone who wants to have genitalia that is nonhuman, such as fantasy genitalia like alien genitalia

Someone who wants to have breasts but have a penis

There is an infinite number of ways to be altersex! Again, it's an umbrella term. Some common queer identities that might align with altersex experiences though include:

Being bigender

Being genderqueer

Being cisgender but desiring to physically transition (significantly seen with femme gay men/achilleans and butch lesbians/sapphics)

Being xenogender

Being nonbinary

Being gendernull

Being genderfluid

Being multigender

Being genderfucked

Being both transmasc and transfem or FTMTF or MTFTM

Of course, that isn't exhaustive! Moving on from that, here are some labels underneath the altersex label.

Salmacian. Salmacian is a label I see most commonly and I think is most relevant to this post. Salmacian refers to one who desires to have mixed sex characteristics. People with salmacian or salmacian-adjacent experiences often do ask if they can transition to be intersex, as there is not much awareness around the label and community. Salmacian is one of the most common altersex experiences. Aphrodisian is an alternate but less commonly used term. Salmacian is also incredibly common of an experience amongst bigenders, and vice versa. Other more common alternate terms for it are bigenital, bisex, or ambisex. Here is a link to some salmacian resources!

Xenogenital. I think xenogenital is what I see most next to salmacian. Xenogenital is a broad term that refers to anyone who desires to have nonhuman sex characteristics or traits. This is very common among those who are xenic/xenogender and those who are otherkin. Some examples include:

Wanting alien genitalia

Wanting animal genitalia (often referred to as faunagenital)

Wanting plant genitalia (often referred to as floragenital)

Wanting genitalia that can change, morph, and/or retract (often referred to as morphisex)

Wanting cyber/digital genitalia or mechanical/robotic genitalia (often referred to as cyberex and machinex respectively)

In conclusion...

Although, no, if you are not intersex, you cannot become or transition to become intersex. Some people wish or desire to be intersex because it explains their intersex experience without them realizing, but for many people, this isn't case. And that's okay! Altersex is a label/term/community that embraces anyone who wishes to have or currently has genitalia and sex traits/characteristics that don't fit the commonly used binary sex model. Altersex has labels/terms underneath it, such as salmacian/bigenital and xenogenital, which are most common.

Additional notes

Some people claim being altersex is inherently intersexist. This is completely wrong! Wanting to have a body that fits how you feel and makes you happy in it is not wrong. The only thing that is intersexist is if you phrase or frame being altersex as "desiring to become intersex", as intersex is a lived experience and something you cannot become. If you realize that you are altersex, and people try to give you a hard time for it, ignore it. If it's online, simply block them.

You also never owe anyone information about your body, regardless of what they try to tell you. You do not owe strangers information on if you are intersex or perisex. On if you are altersex or not. Even people you know are not owed this information. Just like how you never have to explain your queer identity to someone, even if they feel like you owe it to them, and even if you know them, you don't. You are you, and what parts of you you share with others are up to you!

I believe that the intersex and altersex community have a lot in common and many shared experiences. I think that, not only do the two communities relate to each other, but, in some cases, people will be both intersex and altersex at the same time.

If anyone has any questions, sees any errors with this post, etc., please let me know! I'm always happy to correct or edit wrong information/typos, and I'm always welcome to any questions that are in good faith. I am not open to discourse about debating the validity of any labels, identities, or experiences. I am not open to debating intersex experiences. My blog is primarily for intersex people, but it's absolutely welcome to anyone with any questions, especially to intersex-adjacent experiences.

[achillesisnotcomingdown]

Ive lose the ask asking for my transmasc!Leo headcanon TT but i have them written down so imma post em like that

Leo transmasc headcanon

(many things are based on my own experience. Especially the dysphoria related things (so when i talk about Leo not being a real boy it is what he thinks bc of dysphoria. It’s not true.))

(warning angst angst (but thats Leo so that was expected)

it was so obvious even when he was small. He always wanted to play with boys, wear boys clothes, ect… His mom was fine with it. She bought him boys toys and clothes and even sometimes called him hijo. She was a bit confused, but she knew it made her child happy and it's all that mattered. 

However, it didn’t go that well with his foster homes. However much he tried, they always stuck to his deadname and she/her. That was a big part of the reason he kept running away. 

There really is no story behind the name Leo. He picked that one bc it sounded cool. 

Once he got a good enough passing, he did everything he could so ppl will assume he’s cis.

Don’t ask me how he gots his hands on hrt. It’s a long and weird story.

The wilderness school was very strict about not mixing girls and boys in dorms. 

Piper was his roommate, that’s how they met. 

In their memories created by Hera, Jason has kinda always known he’s trans. So Leo never bothered to hide it from Jason (as he does with others).

But Jason doesn’t have much (any) education on transidentity… At first he assumed Leo was a cis guy, and then some things were a bit confusing (why was he in fem dorms ? Why does he wear a tank top under his shirt ? Did he just ask Piper for a tampon???) but he just kinda gave up on trying to understand, bc Leo is a nice guy anyways. And with time (and exterior knowledge on the matter) he started to put the pieces together and to understand that “ooh ok that makes sense". 

Otherwise. Leo has no desire to get out of his comfortable closet. 

He has such a fragile masculinity 

Sometimes he acts a little bit macho. He’s aware he’s acting like an asshole but he’s terrified of being perceived as feminine. 

Why does he try to flirt with every girl he sees ? Another attempt to pass better (and comfort himself in his fragile masculinity) by copying stereotypical boys' things.

He overbind so much, GODS. Man will wear his binder for 11h straight (while fighting and running around) and then have the audacity to complain that his body hurts.

Piper tries very hard to remind him to take proper breaks. 

Jason is the biggest gender envy ever. He is handsome, tall, muscular… Leo really loves him but he also is so jealous and envious. 

He is very envious of other boys in general. 

When Percy got woken up in the middle of the night and left his cabin shirtless. When Frank went to take a break in the men’s restroom…

Gods, he would do anything to just be a normal boy. To be like them. To have their bodies. To not have to destroy his body to look slightly more masculine. To not have this constant fear that they’re gonna find out. 

And to add to the reasons why he felt so much like the 7th wheel : Among the 7 there are 3 girls, 3 boys… And Leo. Forever inbetween. Not a girl, but not a boy like the others either. 

Fortunately, with time he learnt to accept himself better and to feel more comfortable with others. 

Piper helped him to go easier on himself. And he had an actual proper talk with Jason.

The first person he actually came out to was probably Annabeth, bc she’s cool and wise and nice. 

And then he saw it actually was ok. She didn’t treat him any differently, she didn’t tell anyone else. She was cool with it.

He then told Frank and Hazel, with Piper’s help (mostly to explain to Hazel all those new terms). And it also went very great ! He then also told Percy and Nico. 

He’s not entirely out, just to his closest friends and his siblings at camp. And it’s enough. 

He still overbinds, but he has ppl to (discreetly) remind him to take care of himself. He’s still very dysphoric but his loved ones know how to remind him that he is their brother, an amazing boy.

[mmmmalo]

forgive me if i'm conflating several different things here, but the idea that a cue ball - and by extension doc scratch - represents a cancerous trauma left by sexual assault was one of your earlier analyses wasn't it? the idea seems so ubiquitous to me now but i felt like a lot of people could benefit from revisiting it in the wake of that latest beyond canon update

Mm… like you said, you have my earlier analyses a little mixed up. And honestly my current take on the subject focuses more on how the problem of rape is leveraged towards transphobic ends in political discourse? So... perhaps not what you're looking for.

My old approach was to regard not the cue ball but the Green Sun as an emblem of trauma: for example, Rose talks with Jaspers atop a monolith of the Green Sun, when Jaspers's apparent drowning caused Rose's fear of water. Talking to Jaspers seemed to involve confronting that trauma, and the significance of that interaction transferred upon the Green Sun as a symbol. So later when Jade combines her dreamcorpse with Bec, Jadesprite's tearful inability to turn away from its searing light seemed to imply that fusing with Bec somehow awoke a traumatic memory that Jade was no longer able to suppress.

Various scenes led me to believe this was a memory of sexual assault: the dream sequence where Bec Noir creeps upon WV (who is in Jade's bed) and instigates some distressing fusion of their bodies, as the fire of the Green Sun Burns. The dream where Jade attacks Clubs Deuce (resulting in a DEAD GRANDPA SMACKDOWN in the waking world), only for CD to return later and attack Jade with an explosion of white foam (through which he implicitly continues to embody Grandpa). The point where Jade goes grimbark after spotting Jake's groin (as though it were a distressing trigger) and where Jade is, after again calling attention to the banana hammock, crushed beneath Jake's white hope explosion (which echos CD's shaving cream). I could go on.

But the above is all bait: Jade goes grimbark because the very notion of a man in panties is posed as the violent intrusion of the masculine upon the feminine, posed as rape. The hints of assault function as homophobic scaremongering, feminism of the trans-exclusive strain. Jade is afraid of lightning, which is posed as a masculine pneumatic intrusion into the inert feminine vessel -- which is to say, bringing Frankenstein/Jadesprite to life with a zap comes to represent rape, and the overwhelming urge is to REMOVE THE LIGHTNING, GET IT OUT GET IT OUT (the scene has visual reference to Aradiabot ripping her heart out following Equius's violation), hence Jadesprite's urge to die. Jade earlier displayed distaste for the pneuma via her always-ill-fated reader interactive sections: playing flute, selecting fruit, fighting (and in her own mind conversing with) Grandpa. Though ostensibly early, abstract indications of Jade's sensitivity to violation, these events also just display homophobia: blowing into wind instruments is a cocksucking joke inherited from Problem Sleuth, "fruit" means gay, Jade calls Grandpa a "bag of wind" because his cornball shit is gay (derogatory). It matters that Dirk is a Gay Guy who overwrote Jeanne Betancourt's voice for Pony Pals and now overwrites robot Rose's will on occasion because the story is satirizing a worldview wherein a "boy" adopting feminine characteristics is committing metaphysical rape.

The same goes for Doc Scratch: retroactively, he has the Handmaid locked up in a room because Caliborn got gender envy from the How To Draw Manga girl. Damara speaks in stilted staccato sentences for the same reason, it gives the impression that she is possessed by Lord English, that some insidious masculine force is speaking through her. Which again: transphobia. Or rather dysphoria, in this case, which was a major point of discussion in Openbound -- anxieties about internal and external reproach for expressing yourself abound, the imminent Rufioh/Horuss breakup represents bodily dysmorphia... I've talked about that elsewhere. The main point is illustrated by 583 of Problem Sleuth, where Nervous Broad (essentially a trans woman) looks into the mirror and sees a horrendous beast. This is why the Handmaid cannot escape Lord English: he is how she sees herself. The big bad of Homestuck, the embodiment of all that is foul of patriarchy, is an embodiment of transfeminine self-loathing, or more generally the picture of trans women that transmisogynists like to paint.

Vriska has a conversation with June about how she doesn't actually want to indulge her violent tendencies, how she thinks a life of peace could actually be the way to go. As she says all these, we are treated to a shot of Vriska's red boots crossed in such a way that a huge red X is imposed over her groin: this conversation is about dysphoria! Vriska implicitly declares violence and aggression to be phallic -- an association strengthen by the sexed roles of moirallegiance, in which women must sooth violent men. Elsewhere in the story, Vriska's seemingly inescapable violent tendencies are embodied by Doc Scratch -- therefore he is, in essence, Vriska's phallus, which she resents even as she is compelled to obey its directives.

There's actually a bit with Jake where the cue ball (or rather, a tower orb that resembles a cue ball) is used to represent a dick: "The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can’t shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don’t want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later." As Spidergirl shoots her webbing on the floor nearby, Jake briefly considers losing the dick. That Doc Scratch's head is a nuclear bomb makes this motif coincide nicely with Jake's association with the irradiated dick of Doctor Manhattan (and Hulk), which as you've pointed out before was used in Watchmen to illustrate homophobic scaremongering.

Or hey, let's try to establish a new connection between Doc Scratch and Bec: perhaps epilogue!Jade's dog dick, was already present from the moment Jadesprite was born. Perhaps the anger Jade feels toward this newly formed phallic woman (who she calls a pansy) is informed by the contempt she expressed for fursuits, and how the people within them are dumb to think that makes them real animals -- a transphobic barb followed in short order by more slander for Grandpa, a hunter who skins animals and places the pelts by armor and portraits of women. Perhaps all this drama is condensed on page 6630, where Jake's big gay Hope bubble crushes Jade's green fireball, forming a portrait of Doc Scratch.

Perhaps we should pronounce "Doc Scratch" with an English accent, so that it becomes "Dog's Crotch".

[sincerely-sofie]

What are some ideas you've wanted to draw/write but haven't?

Oh man. I've got so many. A handful of ideas include:

A semi-animated series titled "My Pal the Paladin" about a kidnapped princess and the final boss who join forces to track down the legendary hero who's failed to slay even a single mook months after the plot kicking off and yell at him for taking so long. It's based on my oldest original characters and has a lot of sentimental worth to me as a result. Idris, Pal, and Katherine are my babies. I've considered making it similar in production to Dingo Doodle's Fool's Gold series, but I haven't actually made it because I'm really nervous about it turning out poorly ^^; I'd love to post a pitch bible for it someday!

A gothic picture book tentatively titled "Cover the Mirrors" about a woman killing a monster that has haunted her since girlhood, and inheriting the curse that turned the monster from a normal man into his current twisted looks. It would end with the monster's appearance going from being seen as a Boogeyman figure that stalks kids who play outside after sundown while the original monster was around, to a vengeful beast that hunts people who prey on children once the woman inherits the curse. It would play with the idea of trauma giving you unique abilities to help those who have gone through similar terrors, while also warping you into something you can't recognize and find inherently repulsive. I haven't made it because I don't know how to render the painterly style I envision for it.

A mixed media visual novel titled "Cradlehead" about a woman who finds herself serving as the unwilling vessel for an eldritch entity that will destroy her mind when it finishes germinating within and exits her body. She has to escape the pocket dimension it trapped her in to develop within the optimal conditions in order to save herself. The visuals would incorporate clay, digital art, traditional art, 3D models, pixel art, and photography. The game would center around the woman's desperation as she tries to escape while her ability to perceive the new world around her decays more and more over time. I haven't made it because I doubt my artistic abilities to make something like I have in my head come to life.

An untitled magical girl webcomic about an unwilling magical girl with a giant bee familiar named Queenie and issues controlling her powers because of her insecurities. She feels bad about being a not very girly individual while surrounded by hyper-feminine young women who have a handle on their powers she could never dream of. It revolves around her character arc where she eventually stops worrying about meeting the arbitrary standards she imposes on herself to be "girly enough" and decides to just be herself, whoever that is, unlocking her true powers and entering her ultimate form during a climactic battle— taking on a design less like a queen holding a scepter like she'd been dreading, and more like a princely knight holding a stinger-like spear. Her rejection of others' expectations as well as her own helps the world-ending threat, a shapeshifting eldritch being that absorbs people into itself so it can become someone other than itself but is never satisfied with the new faces it obtains, to accept itself and stop trying to steal people's souls in order to find one that would make it love itself. I haven't made it because I worry if it would come across weirdly to the average viewer, as it deals with gender dysphoria as a subject in a very atypical manner.

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Renee rapp (sorry for spelling) having a sibling who has gender dysphoria and her being a comforting sister and maybe writing a song to try help them?

I'll Be There

|| Reneé Rapp x platonic!nonbinary!reader

|| Warnings; heavy descriptions of dysphoria from reader, reader struggling to sleep dealing with anxiety/stress, Reneé concerned about reader, hurt/comfort

|| Summary; when reader's feeling down about their gender, Reneé comes over to comfort her sibling.

Requests open!

Started; october 30th

Finished; october 30th

~~~

3;00am. Another rough night. Your thoughts plagued you with reminders about who you really were. How you weren't born the way you wanted to be. A constant stabbing feeling in your mind that never seemed to go away. It made you feel sick to your stomach, your sleeps restless. You tossed around in your bed, trying to get comfortable despite the mental thorn in your side until you finally gave up on sleep. Reaching over for your phone, you called your sister. Knowing full well that it was nearing 4;00am by this point. The blaring glow of your clock on your bedside table a constant reminder of the late hour.

When your sister answered, her voice was groggy and laced with sleep. You could tell you'd just woken up Reneé by the sound of her rasp and you felt bad. But you felt like she was the only one who even remotely understood what you were going through," Y/N?" She asked.

You fought back the tears as you tried to voice your thoughts to your popstar sibling," I- I can't sleep." You murmured, that was all you had to say for Reneé to feel concern flood through her. She was already concerned as it was, given how late it had been and that you only ever called her this late when you really needed something. She sat up in bed, swinging her feet over the edge as she mentally debated whether you would need her to come to you or not.

"What's wrong?" Reneé asked, you could hear the concern in her tone mixed in with the sleep that laced her voice.

"Can you come over? I know it's late, I'm sorry- but I keep getting caught in my head and I just- need you." You rambled out, unable to say the full reason why you had called her. You'd probably tell her about the dysphoria later, but.. you just couldn't right now. It was still too fresh in your mind.

"I'll be there, just give me a few minutes, yeah?" Reneé's voice was soft, she was always soft with you. And beyond protective. She knew you were going through a lot, being nonbinary wasn't easy. Reneé tried to make sure she was there every step of the way. She got herself out of bed and made herself look decent enough. Clothes, teeth brushed, just the basics. When she finally got to your place, it was nearing 4;45am. The hours weren't ideal, but for you? Reneé would lose as much sleep as she needed to make sure you were okay.

She didn't even knock, having her own key to your apartment she opened the door. Reneé's obviously been to your place a number of times for various occasions and hang outs, so she had no problem finding her way to your room. Reneé gently opened the door and saw you curled up in your blankets, you'd clearly been crying. She could see the fresh streaks on your face. Reneé frowned and walked over, settling herself beside you as her hand rested on your knee.

"Reneé.." You mumbled with a little pout, looking up at your sister. Her frown became a gentle smile as you looked at her, her eyes full of sympathy. Reneé shifted herself to be closer to you, holding you in her arms.

"Do you wanna talk?" She asked carefully and you nodded. Feeling ready; though you took a breath. Getting your thoughts together.

"I just... been really struggling with my gender. It makes me feel- sick, like something's wrong.. I don't know." You mumbled, Reneé's fingers gently brushed against your arms as she listened to you. Her head resting against the side of yours.

"Y/N.." She whispered, glancing down at you as she thought carefully about what to say. Reneé hated to see you struggle this much, to know it was causing you this much pain. She was beyond grateful though that you reached out to her. Feeling relief that you trusted her as much as you did. "Do you want comfort or advice?"

"Comfort.." You replied, burying yourself against her. You could feel as she held you a little tighter but you made no complaints. It was exactly what you needed from her.

"I think.. you need to let your mind rest. You're stressed about the little things but you're already perfect the way you are. You can be nonbinary and still present femme or masc. It doesn't make you any less valid or less nonbinary. There is no set look for nonbinary, despite what the media may push. That's why it's nonbinary, right?" Reneé looked into your eyes and you listened to her every word. Taking in what she was telling you. It helped. You always got stuck on the media representation of nonbinary. Forgetting that that's only one version. There is no set way to be nonbinary. Or genderfluid. Or anything. That's the beauty of it. It was set to you. Your preferences. Nobody else's opinions should matter. It was your gender.

You looked into her eyes and managed a small smile, feeling yourself relax against her. "Thanks, Neé... I forget about that." You murmured and she nodded.

"Always." Reneé murmured, keeping you close against her as you finally let yourself fully relax. Feeling as your mind drifted off into sleep.

When you awoke the next morning, Reneé was still there. Your apartment was cleaned thanks to her, it'd been getting a little bad lately cause you haven't had the time or energy. So she did some cleaning.

She walked into your room a moment after you woke up and smiled when she saw you awake." How you feeling?" Reneé asked. You gave her a gentle nod, not having the energy to talk yet but she didn't mind. Reneé knew you struggled with waking up in the morning. "I wanted to wait until you were feeling a little better before I showed you this.. but I think you might like it." She sat down beside you and pulled out her phone, you watched her with curiosity. Head rested on Reneé's shoulder.

She went to her files and started playing a song you hadn't heard before. "I wrote this with you in mind. It's about gender struggles and it's meant to like.. provide comfort. Both for you and other people." As the song played, it reminded you a bit of 23. With the way she sings her lyrics and the music in the background. Your eyes watered a bit and looked to Reneé. Yeah, it was just what you needed.

"Thank you.. that's- absolutely perfect, Neé." Reneé relaxed at your words; having wondered what you would think. That made her feel good about it. If you liked it, other people might too.

"I was thinking about calling it 'Y/N' to dedicate it to you." Reneé explained, your smile widened. A song with your name?

"That's fine with me." You nodded, she mirrored your smile and held you close again. You had a pretty amazing sister.

[hy4c1nthh]

Akemi's gender identity and how it plays into their current issues!! an analysis of my own oc!!!!!!

tw for death mention (?), substance abuse mention, sh mention, ED mention

Ive been sifting them around in my head and I've finally been able to place this into play.

Akemi was assigned make at birth. They currently don't tend to associate with being outright trans, as they moreorless don't feel connected to any sort of gender. Akemi doesn't like to talk about their gender because they feel that it is unimportant. been sifting they/itjii88 prns for them in my mind since a part of them doesn't feel important enough to even be considered a human (evident thru the mahou shoujo arc, testing out their powers on okane. as okane attacks, they tell her to act as if they're a monster, attacking her, and for her to fight back against this "monster" that akemi views themself to be.) but back to my original point.

When akemi was younger, they didn't have any particular feelings on their gender. They were young, and didn't have anywhere to directly learn abt gender identity and stuffs like that. Akemi soon got involved in that early "friend group". (in quotations because they were NOT friends)

Akemi was able to be involved BECAUSE of their identity as a boy at the time, something the group members felt they could take advantage of. Something something toxic masculinity. As time went on, however, something started to sift. Akemi didn't feel like a boy. It wasn't because they wanted to be any other gender, but because they didn't feel boy enough to be one. They felt out of place, they felt like a disgrace to the gender of "male". That's when slowly they thought "maybe I'd be better off as a girl".

Around this time is also when Akemi was essentially kicked out, or left behind rather, by that group. This was middle school, and this is when things got bed. Around this time is when they started many of their bad habits. They presented themself in a much more feminine manner, identifying AS female for a short period. However, the mix of their bad habits and increasingly deteriorating mental health, they felt the same way about being a girl that they did about being male. They felt shameful to "pretend" to be a girl, as they thought they were doing. They switched between masculine presenting identifying female, or feminine presenting identifying male. In the end, they got sick of it; it being gender. Akemi felt unworthy to be listed under such labels, and just didn't even bother trying to find an umbrella term to go under. They're completely unlabeled, preferring to stay that way.

also forgot to mention that their tendency to starve themself and spark of their ED was an attempt to be "a proper girl"

Theyre okay with boyish or fem clothes, because they just can't care anymore. They can't bring themself to care, also because if they do, they might just have another crisis.

They still however, feel some sort of dysphoria. It's less of "I don't want a male body" and more "I don't want a body at all". they don't want a female body nor a male one, they're just. Akemi. They would prefer to not even be that. Now friendly reminder, Akemi is still afraid of death. They don't want to exist but since they do, they don't want to die. They don't want to go on, but they can't help but be afraid of death. Theyre not afraid of the physical pain. They're kinda...pushing it? They want to see how far they can go. even if they're conpletley down and irreparable, in the worst possible state; like a sick sorta betting game on their own life.

but that's for another time

Also last minute thought that popped into my head I forgot to mention: whenever akemi uses substances, or takes excess medication or smokes and stuff like that, or even when they cut; a lot of it can be seen as self-destruction. also when they starve themself. nowadays at least. Or destructing their own wretched body. They don't care about this body anymore, they'll abuse it all they want because they feel unworthy of having it. they don't feel good-enough for existence. or atleast..they feel like a disgrace to exist