#*reads exactly ONE fic with this au* something has changed within me.

[allwaswell16]

A fic rec of One Direction fics that take place in a small town, rural area as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other recs here. Happy reading!

- Louis / Harry -

🏡 I'll Fly Away by @juliusschmidt

(E, 122k, childhood friends) Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not

🏡 Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore / @mediawhorefics

(M, 113k, lighthouse) As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

🏡 Black with Autumn Rain by whimsicule / @baroness-elsa

(T, 93k, magical realism) Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren't exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.

🏡 Here In The Afterglow by fondleeds

(NR, 88k, historical) 1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

🏡 ocean tides you home (series) by @justanothershadeofblue

(M, 88k, Eroda) Harry is a lonely and depressed popstar who sailed out of his hometown on Eroda years ago to chase his dreams. He comes back to the island only to find his shining childhood best friend Louis just as cold and dreary as the island they grew up on.

🏡 Into the Weeds by kair0sclerosis

(M, 87k, secrets) Following the whispered words of a stranger, Harry Styles finds himself in the small town of Peri Ridge. It’s a town nestled within overgrown forests, raging rivers, and ominous mountains- full of unkept secrets, the aura of freedom, and lost people seeking to be found.

🏡 (Take Me Home) Country Roads by Awriterwrites / @a-writerwrites

(E, 86k, Northern Exposure au) Louis as the big city doctor, Harry as a natural healer, Niall as a secretive barkeep, Liam and Zayn head over heels for each other but they don't know it and a lot of hurt, comfort and moonshine in between.

🏡 Full Moon Dreaming by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 43k, soulmates) Louis has given up hope of dreaming of a person, resigned to living a life devoid of that kind of all-consuming love for another and receiving the same in return. But when a new neighbour descends on Louis’ beloved Hanson Bay and moves into the other beach house, could all that be about to change?

🏡 The Things We Know To Be Wild by harryanthus_annuus / @harryanthus-annuus

(M, 39k, HTTYD au) Louis is a London zoologist sent by the University of Highlands and Islands to assess the safety of the island of Eroda as part of the Wonder Seekers Project for sustainable tourism.

🏡 Something About Liminal Spaces by @kingsofeverything

(E, 34k, age difference) Searching for inspiration for his latest book, and hoping distance will help heal his broken heart, Louis Tomlinson heads to the village of Piha on the west coast of New Zealand’s north island.

🏡 It's the Climb by @lululawrence

(NR, 25k, Hannah Montana au) Louis is a world famous punk rock singer with a stage name of William and Jay drags him back to Tennessee for the summer.

🏡 It's Coming on Christmas by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(G, 23k, girl direction) When Harry Styles gets a call from the caretaker of a bakery in a small town in Vermont, she jumps at the chance to get out of Boston and run her own shop.

🏡 Naked & Proud by kiwikero / @icanhazzalou

(E, 18k, songwriter Louis) In which Harry runs an organic store, not a nudist colony, and Louis doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

🏡 Between the forest and the field by bluegreenish / @greenblueish

(E, 16k, meet cute) the one where Harry recently moved to a village and his shy dog picks Louis' dogs to play with at the dog park. A fluffy cottage core AU.

🏡 Won’t Let You Down by noellehenry / @noellehenry-original

(M, 15k, inheritance) In a matter of weeks, Harry’s world turns upside down. Suddenly he’s the owner of a farm and B&B, gets involved in illegal trading of unlabeled bottles and has to deal with his everlasting crush on his sister Gemma’s best friend, who has returned to Woodville…

🏡 You Tilted My Hand by @taggiecb

(G, 12k, photographer Harry) Harry Styles arrives in Avonlea, Prince Edward Island for his first day of a coveted and prestigious summer internship at the Avonlea Chronicle. He's quick to realise that he's out of place in the little band of journalists as he's an art major and they didn't choose Harry to be part of the team!

🏡 Babe, There's Something Lonesome About You by patdkitten / @babyarcanacasey

(M, 8k, witch Louis) Louis is a hedge witch, who lives a lonely, solitary life. He's quite happy with his shop in Door County, selling New Age magics to the tourists. 

🏡 Warm Chilling by Larry_you_know / @larryyouknow

(G, 7k, neighbors) Louis moves into a cosy cottage in the English countryside with his dog Clifford to look after his great-aunt's animals.

- Rare Pairs -

🏡 Grundy County Incidents (series) by @haztobegood

(T, 10k, Harry/Louis/Nick Grimshaw & Zayn/Liam & Niall/Greg James) 25 years, 7 friends, 3 relationships, 1 rural county

🏡 Something Good (And I Don't Just Mean Your Chips) by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

(T, 9k, Harry/Nick Grimshaw) Nick's uncle's will left his seaside cottage, his fishing boat, and all the contents of both to Nick. Coming off the back of months of very poor life choices, a brand new start in a Yorkshire seaside village seems the last remaining option for Nick

[sturniozo]

Savage Love Part Two

Matt Sturniolo x reader Mafia AU

A/N: I’m so happy y’all like the first part it’s insane!!! I have so many plans for this fic tbh hehe I have so much ready already but I want to finish tutor as well which only has a few parts left but asshhhhhh thank you guys for all the praise on part one you have no idea how much it means to me!!!

masterlist

“You’re joking.” Emma says. I just stare at her. “No fucking way. Matt Sturniolo took care of you while you were drunk! A total stranger!” She smiles. “That’s a scoop!”

“Yeah, it’ll get you something big.” I nod.

“Not me, you. Too humanitarian for my writings. But you, with your do good and help the planet and its people look on life…. An article about the most ruthless and powerful man taking care of a helpless stranger while she’s intoxicated! That’ll get you something big!”

I smile at her. “I’ll have to get to writing it fast. Kyler doesn’t like old news. I’ll need it out by tonight for it to be any good to him.”

Kyler is our boss, the editor of our newspaper. Even though it’s a small newspaper outlet, our boss is a hardass, and I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t fired me already.

~

I set the stapled sheets of the freshly printed article on Kyler’s desk.

“What is this?” He asks without even looking up at me.

“It’s my article. Matt Sturniolo has a soft spot.” I bite my lip and Kyler looks up at me, seemingly intrigued.

“Matt Sturniolo?” He asks. I nod and he picks up the article, quickly reading and flipping through it. I had made sure to not mention it was me that Matt had taken care of, and made it seem like another person had told me about it. “Where did you get this?”

“Anonymous source.” I reply. Kyler nods and hands it back to me. “Send it to print and have it on a middle column that’s free.” He looks back at his computer and I take the article and quickly leave.

I smile to myself as I take the article to print. I tell the guys exactly what Kyler told me to tell them and they nod, taking the article from me and shooing me away.

I go back to my desk and sit down, not able to wipe the smile off my face. I look over my computer and see Emma, on the phone with someone I assume is another person she’s crossed when writing an article about them after they slept together.

Not long before the end of the day, Kyler comes out of his office for the debrief. Everyone tells him their scoops and he gives them the yes or no. Then it comes to me.

“Do you think you can talk to that anonymous source again?” He asks me.

I hesitate but Emma answers for me. “She definitely can!”

“Good. I want confirmation on the rumors that Matt Sturniolo is the head of the Mafia in New York. Can you get it to me?”

“She sure can!” Emma answers for me again.

“Get me confirmation in a month. I want updates and articles until then.” Kyler demands. He then surveys the room before leaving back to his office.

“A month? How am I supposed to get that information in a month?” I ask Emma.

“Well, you have his number don’t you?” She tells me.

I sigh. “I guess.”

“You guess?! Use the number! Call him! He’ll do it now!”

“Really?”

“If you don’t get that article in within a month, Kyler will fire you!”

I sigh again and pull out my phone and the card Matt had given me. I dial the number and put it on speaker for Emma to hear.

“Hello?” The other end says.

“Hi, is this Matt? We met at the party, you took me to the hotel room when I was too drunk to stand?”

“Dollface, I’ve been waiting for your call.” Matt says and my stomach flips in circles. “Did you change your mind?”

I laugh softly before saying “I guess you can say that.”

“Meet me tonight at 7, at the hotel.”

“Alright.”

“Bye dollface.” He says before hanging up.

“Dude, that was so booty-call-esque.” Emma says and laughs. “I thought you weren’t a hook up type?”

“I not. But I need this story.”

“I know. I’ll help you.”

“Help me?”

“You’re going into my territory. You’re sleeping with people for information.”

“Not people, just Matt. And who know is he’ll even tell me anything.”

“Oh he won’t tell you anything. You have to pick things up on your own.”

“What?” I laugh.

“Like if he takes a call after sex, what he says, who’s in the other end. Or if he says he has a meeting, ask who with. And keep hooking up with him. The more you hookup, the more he’ll be willing to share with you.”

I take a deep breath. “I can do this. I can hook up.” I tell myself.

The truth is I don’t think I can just hook up. The only guy I’ve ever been with and had sex with was my high school boyfriend, who cheated on me and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough half the time we were together.

“You got this.” Emma says

Tags: @stargirlsturniololover @sturniolobessed @eyelessdemon @sturnioloenthusiast @sturniolopookie @urmommysbathroom @qwertytit @whatever1021 @chrisfavoritepepsi

[lovelyhan]

— caught in the middle (a teaser) ⟢

mingyu knows. he's perfectly aware that his best friend's girlfriend is the last person he should end up wanting. but who is he to refuse when wonwoo invites him to join something he never thought he could ever be part of?

★ FEATURING; wonwoo x reader x mingyu

★ WORD COUNT; 1.3k words

★ TAGS; established relationship, streamer au, one-sided pining, fluff, smut (in future scenes; this teaser is completely sfw)

★ WARNINGS; brief mentions of twitter porn

★ NOTES; streamer wonwoo is back and he now comes in a set with his equally hot streamer best friend :] i'd recommend reading underlying pretense and favorite poison first for added context, but you can totally read this teaser (and future story) as a standalone :^)

★ DISCLAIMER; some elements in this teaser are not final and might change in the actual fic.  

This is, by far, the worst day of Mingyu’s life. 

Okay, maybe he’s exaggerating, but he likes to think that he’s a man of routine. If he doesn’t get to do his morning rituals right before his streams, it feels like the world has been tilted a few degrees off its proper axis. 

And that’s exactly what’s happening now, when Mingyu realizes that his favorite Twitter porn account is nowhere to be found. 

How the hell is he supposed to get his daily dose of relief now?

“Mingyu, you’re dragging your ass a lot today,” Seungcheol’s voice sounds pissed through his headphones and Mingyu can’t exactly fault him for it. Not when he ended up making their team lose their third Valorant match in a row. “The hell’s up with you? I thought you already practiced using Gekko with Vernon the other day.”

“We did and he was actually pretty good,” the younger man comments. “Dunno what suddenly got into him today though.”

“Cheol-hyung, you shouldn’t berate Mingyu when you royally sucked at using Neon during the time she was first released,” Wonwoo quips.

Seungcheol immediately makes a disgruntled noise at that. “I did not royally suck! She just doesn’t fit my playstyle. And I get that you guys are glued to the hip at this point, but you of all people should know when to call out your teammates especially if they’re being a bunch of noobs, Wonwoo.”

“Now, now, didn’t we already talk about this? No fighting when we’re only doing a bunch of scrimmages between friends.” 

A less abrasive voice flits into the call and Mingyu finds himself relaxing into his seat as he stares at the glowing red DEFEAT screen on his monitor. Ever since you and Wonwoo finally dropped the act of hating each other and started dating, you’ve constantly mediated any petty arguments that sparked within their group. Mingyu is all sorts of grateful, but is just a tad bit embarrassed whenever he’s part of the argument in question.

“Yeah, what she said,” Wonwoo agrees with a huff. 

“Whatever, man. Koyahngi has watered down your temper so much, it makes me look like the most easily tilted player on the team,” Seungcheol grumbles before adding, “Ugh. Couples.”

Vernon laughs softly. “Crazy how you’re the one who always insisted for Wonwoo-hyung to be kinder, but now that he is, you suddenly want him to go back to his trash-talking ways.”

“Now why’s everyone dogpiling me now!” the older man whines.

About half an hour and another lost match later, everyone decides to call it a day. Seungcheol and Vernon are going to hold a joint stream together and Mingyu needs to get ready for another modeling gig he managed to land a couple of days ago. He’s not sure what you and Wonwoo had in store for the day, but his best friend and roommate mentioned that you were going to drop by their apartment sometime today. 

But when Mingyu finally deigned to grab a towel and head to the bathroom, he instead makes a detour to the couch with a desolate sigh. He unlocks his phone and opens the Twitter app like it was second nature, tapping on the button that pulls up his most recent searches.  

goodcat_badcat

He absentmindedly types the username to an account that’s been his constant companion whenever he needed to let off some steam. Though he hasn’t checked her profile in a while, Mingyu was under the impression that goodcat_badcat would still be there to give him a hand especially when his schedule has been driving him insane these days. 

But when the app redirects him to the main profile, the same words that greeted him when he woke up with his painfully hard morning wood stare back at him. Something went wrong. Try again.

She deactivated. His favorite Twitter porn girl is fucking gone and now he’s got nothing but despair and the bluest balls in the entire city. 

“Hey.”

Mingyu jolts at the sound of Wonwoo’s voice, immediately locking his phone before tossing it on the other side of the couch as if it burned him. He’s quick to whirl around to greet him with a too-wide smile.

“Hyung, what’s up?” Mingyu asks, thanking the heavens that his voice didn’t crack.

His best friend looks at him weirdly. “Uh, do you have any plans today? We’re going out to go bowling today and she told me to ask if you wanted to come along.”

Bowling. Wonwoo sucks at bowling, but you managed to rope him into going with you anyways. If that’s not true love, Mingyu doesn’t know what is. 

“I’d love to, but I’ve got a shoot in…” Mingyu’s voice falters before reaching for the phone he just tossed away—heart dropping to his stomach when he looks at the time. “Shit. Thirty minutes.”

He doesn’t wait for Wonwoo’s response before bounding towards the bathroom with a towel in hand.

The part-time model hasn’t gotten ready faster in his entire life. Though his manager told him that the brand he’s shooting for this time isn’t strict with time, Mingyu doesn’t want to make it a habit to show up late for his commitments.

Streamers already have a bad enough image to those who aren’t part of the industry, and he wants to make it a point that not every single one of them is a slob who doesn’t shower and makes tardiness a way of life.

As he pulls on a snapback over his still-damp hair—opting to let the stylists on the set handle it for him instead—he faintly hears your voice outside of his bedroom door. 

“Aww, he isn’t coming?”

“Yeah. Let’s just invite him next time,” Wonwoo’s muffled response manages to reach his ears as well.

With one last glance in the mirror, Mingyu hoists his bag across his shoulder before opening the door to his room. He spots you seated on the armrest of their couch, kicking your legs somewhat adorably before you meet his gaze with surprise.

For someone who’s supposed to be bowling today, you don’t really look the part. Of course, your signature Koyahngi cat ear headband is sitting on top of your head, as in-theme as always. You also paired up your short, pleated skirt with lace-trimmed thigh highs and chunky white boots. Not to mention the sheer, low cut top that gives him an ample view of your cleavage… 

“Gyu, do you have a photoshoot today or something?” Your question promptly snaps him out of his somewhat rude staring. “Here I thought we could team up and destroy Wonwoo together in the bowling alley.”

“As if I’d allow that,” his best friend scoffs. “Mingyu’s teaming up with me, princess. Then you’ll be crying in the bowling alley while we get ourselves a victory treat from the snackbar.”

“We are not going to do that, and yeah, I have a photoshoot…that I’m already late for actually,” Mingyu replies with a bubble of laughter. “That’s okay. You and Wonwoo-hyung have fun. Pro-tip, he actually sucks at bowling, so you’ll score much better than he will.” 

You giggle before getting back on your feet, making your way over to Mingyu faster than he can prepare himself for. He hasn’t quite noticed it as vividly as he does now, but you’re so much smaller than him—even with the added inches of your boots. 

It doesn’t help that the way you’re cutely looking up at Mingyu with those pretty doe eyes as you examine his outfit is making sweat bead across his temples. Great.

“Doesn’t seem like you’re heading to a shoot though,” you laugh. “You’re going on a date, aren’t you? Who’s the lucky guy or gal? Why’d you dress up like Tadashi Hamada just to impress them?”

Wonwoo snorts. “You mean the guy who died in Big Hero 6?”

“Well, yeah, but he was also my childhood crush, so shut up, Wonwoo.”

Your childhood crush. He looks like your childhood crush. 

As Mingyu watches you bicker with his roommate—your boyfriend and his best friend—he realizes something that could change the trajectory of this friendship forever.

He might have a crush on someone he isn’t supposed to want.

⟢ end notes: hope you enjoyed the teaser so far! do leave a reply if you want to be tagged once the fic is up (hint: i'll be dropping it on wonwoo's birthday hehe)

[nortism]

Nor's Les Mis Fic Recommendations

I've been scouring les mis ao3 for a few months now so here are my fav fics I've found. I've tried my best to tag tumblrs where I can but let me know if you are the author of any of these and I'll tag you!

Three Days (or The One Where Javert and Valjean Take a Road Trip Through France and Raise a Child) by zamwessel

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

Javert calls what he thinks is Valjean's bluff about needing three days to find the child Cosette and intercede for her. The Inspector comes along for the ride -- and gets much more than he bargained for, in the process.

Notes: First Les Mis fic I ever read and its an absolute banger. It's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin and I'm a sucker for a kid fic so I absolutely adored it.

A Change of Bizarre Kind by M_Moonshade

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

Six months ago, Doctor Henry Jekyll sought to escape the dramatics of London by coming to M-sur-M. Tonight his murderer pays a visit to the Mayor Madeline. (Being the Curious Case of Inspector Javert and Mister Hyde)

Notes: Criminally underrated. Jekyll and Hyde AU but I went in knowing very little about that book and I could understand what was going on. Each chapter contains bits from the past and present day until the timelines eventually add up which makes the main mystery all the more compelling. Also Fantine is alive and well which is always nice.

Our Souls Still in Fetters by Cinaed

Rating: E

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

After Javert is assigned to discover a blackmailer within a public-house that caters to men who prefer other men, Valjean is unexpectedly drawn into the case. Together they must stop the blackmailer before any lives can be ruined...including their own.

Notes: This author has so many great Valvert fics but this one is probably my favourite. There's the classic "undercover as a couple" trope as well as old timey gay bars. Also a huge fan of how this author portrays Cosette and Valjean's relationship.

In Defiance of all Geometry by idiopathicsmile

Rating: T

Ships: Combeferre/Enjolras/Grantaire

Summary:

Amis House might not be the biggest student co-op, or the fanciest, but it's got something all its own. Specifically, smoke damage on the kitchen ceiling from that time Courfeyrac lit a political pamphlet on fire. In which there are secrets, pining, pancakes, and revelations, and sometimes the shortest distance between three points is not a triangle but a circle.

Notes: I love a good poly fic and this is one of the best. Also just a generally fun and wholesome friendship fic. Definitely a nice comforting read after all the old man angst I've got on here.

Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) by Need_To_Comment_Rising (@aromantic-enjolras)

Rating: T

Ships: Courfeyrac/Enjolras, Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Its complicated)

Summary:

Enjolras takes a swig of his drink with everyone else, and then smirks at Courfeyrac over the rim of his glass. "You didn't seem to mind much me being bossy yesterday night when I had you in my bed..." At his side, Grantaire chokes on his drink and starts coughing. But how did we get here, you might ask? Well, let’s rewind. ------- Enjolras and Courfeyrac have had a friends with benefits arrangement for a while. But when Coureyrac starts dating Combeferre, Enjolras is left with the question of where he fits in the new status quo...

Notes: Another poly fic with aromantic!Enjolras. I love fics with unconventional relationship dynamics as well as people actually communciating with each other (though not before there's been some hijinks ofc). Criminally underrated.

How Marius (Painstakingly) Won the Hand of Mlle. Fauchelevent by writingsyrup (@syrupsyche)

Rating: G

Ships: Cosette/Marius

Summary:

When setting out to woo his beloved Cosette, Marius had never imagined that it would bring him to this: sitting at a dining table next to her grim-faced father, and staring at the marble that was Enjolras picking at his peas. Or; Enjolras and Cosette are siblings in 19th century France. Marius has to deal with the consequences of this.

Notes: Probably the best Marius characterisation I've ever read, he's just so awkward and weird bless him. I love a good awkward "meeting the parents" and this filled that hole in my heart. Is part of a wider series but can be read as a standalone.

Omnia mutantur, nihil interit by Apathy and saltedpin

Rating: M

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean, Cosette/Marius Pontmercy

Summary:

Valjean's panting breath does not belong to him. He scrambles out of the bed and stumbles on too-light feet to the mirror in the corner, although he already knows what he will see. Peering back at him from behind a curtain of dark hair, wide-eyed, is Éponine Thénardier. Jean Valjean awakens one morning from uneasy dreams to find that something quite unexpected has happened during the night.

Notes: Cosette and Javert get bodyswapped and Marius is weirdly into it, if that's not enough to convince you to read this fic then idk how to help you. Not normally a huge body swap fan but this was absolutely hilarious as well as having some genuinely sweet moments. Also Theodule is there which means something to some people.

It's Not the Same Anymore by ShameDumpster (@shamedumpster)

Rating: T

Ships: Enjolras/Grantaire

Summary:

Grantaire is a bookstore clerk in his late twenties, and to everyone’s eternal disbelief, a father. It’s been years since he’s seen anyone from his former group of friends, after a falling out cleaved him from the ABC, but everything changes when Enjolras walks into his bookstore. Can they rekindle their friendship, or something more, while they both come to terms with how their lives have changed over the past decade?

Notes: SO SO GOODDD!! Top tier slowburn kid fic, I could wax poetic about it for days. Had me gripped from start to finish.

Acts of Mercy by cruisedirector and Dementordelta

Rating: M

Ships: Javert/Jean Valjean

Summary:

After witnessing and reporting a murder, Javert is dismissed from the police and takes a job protecting the women in a brothel, where many of his long-held ideas about justice are challenged.

Notes: Breaking, man from the 1800s finds out that life for women is hard. Such a solid redemption arc fic with some really memorable ocs.

Lynx's Claws and Wolf's Mane by Kaleran

Rating: T

Ships: None

Summary:

When he is older, when he is a prison guard, he thinks back to his childhood and realizes he had been considerably fortunate. "Prison is no place for a girl like you," his mother told him often, usually fussing with what rags they could use for clothing. "Forgive me for this, draga mea." And so, instead of a daughter, she pretended to have a son.

Notes: Completely canon compliant except Javert is trans and the impact that has on the story really adds an extra layer to his character that I find really compelling. Warning, it is very depressing bc canon.

[daedalusdavinci]

29

29. Favourite fanfiction(s) of your ship(s)?

you may not know this already, but i have a recs tag where i post exactly this in depth! but i LOVE to boost my favorite fics, so ill do it all again, just for you anon <3 if you want more recs for any of these ships, i promise there are TONS in that tag, (or you can send me another ask for something more specific,) but ill stick to just my absolute top reads in this post

my favorite fanfictions of my favorite (homestuck) ships

starting under the cut bc it got long slkdjnfsjdfn

for halquius, the funniest hs ship-

Second Chances by @mtjester

Lil Hal never said anything about what it meant to be the AI avatar of the God of Heart. After he and Equius had split, everyone had assumed he would go back to Dirk and serve as a sort of spirit companion, the hyper-perceptive Shades of the God of Heart. But to that, he had simply responded, “Nah.” He stayed firmly on Equius’s face, and Equius asked him no questions about it.

this fic is so in character. it captures some of my favorite things about this ship, like how obnoxious they are and the very specific ways they click and enable each other. it also has an absolutely fantastic sequel! its short and funny, and always the first rec i drop for this specific ship.

(the second rec i would drop is my own fic, Hold Me (Accountable). its a space au with mechanic!equius and bounty hunter!AR, and i maintain that its hilarious and a must read if you like this ship at all.)

my resident favorite ship, eridave-

Lee Shore by @jumpingjacktrash

“I asked Egbert to ask you if you have Ampora’s new contact information.” “No, man, I didn’t even know the old info was old. How can you not have a contact for him? It’s not like he changed his chumhandle, email, and phone number all at once.” “As a matter of fact, that is apparently exactly what he did. And deleted his Facebook and his photo blog.” “Dramariffic.” In the years after the game, the twelve trolls and eight humans have tried to stick together, because no one else would understand. When Eridan misses one of their yearly reunions, Dave makes an impulsive decision to go find him.

ive said it before, and ill say it again. this is THE eridave fic. this is the one. if you only ever read one (and its not one of mine), it should be this one. i love how dave takes eridan seriously without enabling him, and how easily they both cut through each others bullshit. the handling of eridans character is DELICIOUS, and i literally think about his relationships with the other trolls in this fic all the time. i dont even know how many times ive read this fic but it goes so hard.

davekat, the classic-

Fait Accompli(cation) by @dragonomatopoeia on tumblr

In Which a Mutant and an Alien Meander Towards a Quadrant of Indeterminate Identity at a Glacial Pace While Examining the Internalized Toxicity Perpetuated by Their Respective Societies, and The Nature of Friendship is Determined to Be More Universal Than Originally Theorized [Banned In Alternia]

this is the quintessential meteor fic. its everything you could ever want in a meteorfic, and deals very heavily with karkat and dave unpacking toxic cultural ideas from their respective planets and coming to a new understanding of who they want to be together. its long, its slowburn, its everything, and the authors put SO much obvious effort and research into getting the voices just right, i still think about and admire it years and years later.

The Eurydice Suite, v2.0 by @callmearcturus

Dream-sharing: a highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people’s dreams, and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. Within this business, the Strider-Lalondes are known as the best there is — until Dirk Strider gets his fool-ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, the best and brightest dreamers in the world will have to form a team. Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the latest, greatest agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind… It’s going to take a miracle to pull this one off.

arc doesnt need any publicity from me, bigname that they are, but i gotta say of all of their fics this one is one i still come back to and reread from time to time all these years later. the au is really cool, and the drama is potent. karkat and dave have a very loaded and complicated, vaguely antagonistic relationship that takes time to get resolved, and you dont see that very often in davekat fics!

davekat, the superior-

Crash Standing by @asukaskerian

It’s been eight days since the end of Sburb and Davesprite is not coping especially well.

IVE SAID IT BEFORE ILL SAY IT AGAIN. BEST. HOMESTUCK FIC. dont look at how many times ive read this dont worry about it. davespritekat is just better than davekat, okay? im sorry. everything is better w davesprite. if youre a davesprite fan i dont even have to say anything else you already know youve gotta read this, but for people who arent- dude, this fic. its such a poignant snapshot of the awkwardness of teenagerdom, especially as a very traumatized teen, and the interpersonal relationships between characters outside of the main two are just so delightful. the john&dave&davesprite dynamic is one i think about constantly, and me and my friend STILL have running jokes about davesprite co< kanaya, which is perhaps the greatest thing to ever be invented, and we have fully incorporated the phrase "sparkle princess alone time" into our day to day vocabulary. i LOVE the gossip chumps, they are everything to me. underrated friendship.

another classic age ship, johndave-

play ball! by spacepuck

When Dave moves to Washington, he expects to spend the summer alone in his room until school starts. But when he stumbles on the sandlot, he discovers a baseball team needing one more player. He quickly gets dragged into the mix, but there's just one problem: he knows absolute dicksquat about the game. Luckily, John, the high school's best baseball player, swoops in to help. (this is basically a sandlot/baseball au. happy summer!)

ive actually been meaning to reread this one, since its been a long time. im adding it to my marked for later rn. i think of all the johndave fics i ever read, this is the one i think about the most years later. ive never read a fic that just. FELT like summer the way this one does. its intimate and sweet and its got the exact feeling of a hot summer night, lying in the grass and staring up at the stars with your best friend. when i read a johndave fic, i want some real fuckin falling in love with your friend as a stupid kid shit, and this is that

dirkjohn-

Vanitas Vanitatum by @oxfordroulette

You've determined the hobbies of the monarch you serve are as follows: 1. Ill-timed pranks. 2. Cooking. 3. Subconsciously pulling elaborate political schemes off perfectly, ad infinitum, every one of which inches his mind closer to some ineffable dark chasm you're curious to find the depth of. Anyway, he makes damn good lasagna.

when i tell you this is the best dirkjohn fic i mean nothing else has ever even COMPARED, and that includes my own goddamn fic. fuck ammfh, read THIS. its political intrigue and messy, MESSY relationships, and a john who is an absolute delightful trickster with serious fucking PROBLEMS. the john/vriska/dirk friendship in this is everything, and the design of the strilondes is so fucking cool??? im ngl i think about those blindfolds everyyy time i make an au. its magic, its kingdomstuck, its dnd, its got illustrations, its EVERYTHING. oxfordRoulette is like a fucking professional at writing fics where everyone kind of sucks and is super toxic and a little bit evil and its THE BEST. LOVE this fic

for bropsii-

just read anything by captorvatiing. just go do that. or read the entirety of the @askpsii blog again?? for the ten millionth time? and cry about how theres like no content.

all of my other favorite ships are too niche to have fics </3 lol. read MY fics, thats what you should do. just go read the fics for the tags that i personally started sldkjfnsdlfsdf

ALSO YOU SHOULD READ LET'S BE OUTCASTS BY @curlicuecal. this is the only time ill ever recommend anything thats incomplete but GOD ITS SO GOOD. i wont say anything else. just that its SO. GOOD. and if you like hal or the exiles you will LOVE this

[thatswhatsushesaid]

I’m so glad you like Shi Wudu because I do too and it’s rare to find people who don’t hate him in the fandom. Like how can you hate him! He did it all for his brother! It was all for SQX! Was it ethical? Hell no but he’s so compelling as a character! I have /so/ many extremely complicated feelings about Shi Wudu that I could talk for hours about but all I will say is that “I decide my fate and not the heavens” is so metal and I think that there’s so much to say about just that line it makes me go feral. His relationship with Pei Ming also makes me go feral because the amount of trust (love?) that SW must have had in PM to trust him, at his lowest, with the most important thing to him (SQX’s life). Especially considering the fact that SQX has been antagonizing PM and been openly hostile towards him, for what we can only assume is centuries, and yet SW was certain that PM would put all that aside for his sake (and he did!)

Also I am now curious about the JGY stan to SW stan pipeline because it seems like we both experienced it and we can’t possibly be the only ones so now I’m wondering if there are people who like one but not the other and why.

(Also I saw your tags about beefleaf and you managed to capture my feelings about them perfectly. Like no I don’t want to read fluffy modern AUs I want to read fics where they both love each other but it’s not enough, they never choose each other and they’re both miserable and fucked up about it)

(Sorry this is so long!)

yo never apologize for sending long messages with your thoughts/feelings on these characters, i am SO HERE for reading them!! i hadn’t considered the presence of a jgy-to-swd stan pipeline, mostly because when i’ve checked the character tag, i’ve mostly seen comparisons to nmj and nhs. which dgmw, i absolutely believe that nmj loved nhs and wanted to protect him! but we know exactly what nmj would have done to save nhs from an unspeakably awful fate in canon, because that’s already something that is completely within his power to change. and he doesn’t do it.

also absolutely i believe swd loved pei ming—like i don’t think there’s enough in the source material to support a romantic or reciprocated romantic ship there, but that absolutely won’t stop me from doing it anyway, and in canon, it says so much that pei ming is who shi wudu tells shi qingxuan to go to after he dies.

😭😭😭 waaaahhhhh i love shi wudu, he’s insane, he’s a war criminal, he ruined poor he xuan’s whole life and afterlife, and he did it all for love of his little bother!!

[lovelivingmydreams]

Questions about powers in your Raven Poetry AU because there is a voice in my brain that is screaming at me to learn everything possible about this world’s magic system. (Sorry if any of these were answered in an earlier chapter and I forgot about it) (and I’ve only read up to chapter 30 so if any of these are answered in a later chapter… yeah.) (also feel free to not reply at all, idc)

So, in this AU, everyone has a power, right? And they manifest/become strong enough to be noticeable during childhood. (how does that part work?) Are there any cases of people who don’t develop powers? Or whose abilities don’t develop until adulthood? Are there any really useless powers/powers with no practical applications like… idk, always switching radio stations at the right time to catch the beginning of a song? Being able to fold paper perfectly? Being able to lower the IQ of anyone within a metre radius of you by exactly 3 points? Does everyone have a completely unique power? Are some powers more common than others?

Functionally, Roman has multiple powers. But technically (and I would assume legally), he only has one. Are there people who technically do have multiple powers? Like, could someone have super strength and X ray vision with absolutely zero connection between the two?

Focusing on Roman, do his different gimmicks have some kind of time limit on them? Would they ever time out at an inconvenient moment like mid-flight? Or do they magically fade away when Roman wants them to, or when it’s safe for the power to disappear? There is an image in my head of Roman frantically trying to come up with a poem for flight while falling through the air, but (based entirely on vibes) it doesn’t seem like such a scenario would be possible. I know you’ve mentioned that he doesn’t tend to do more than two, maybe three powers at once, but that he probably could if he had to… and what would the repercussions of that be? Does conjuring powers wear him out?

Really curious about what’s going to happen with the Fortunas Trinitae (hope I spelled that right) plotline, but if any of the answers to these next questions would spoil that, probably don’t answer? Ultimately it’s up to you if you want to do spoilers though. (Might not even be spoilers, like I said I still have 20+ chapters to catch up on)

So:

Theoretically, could Roman summon powers of wealth creation, fortune telling, and luck manipulation? Or is there a plot device that keeps that from happening? Can Roman only summon physical abilities like the angel wings and fire monster? No, right? Cause he had that study boost thing. Are there any powers that he’s unable to conjure? Can he copy powers? Can he steal powers? (Is there anyone whose power is stealing/suppressing other’s powers?)

Virgil… definitely something is up with his spidey sense. Pretty sure that it has to do with Professor Daniel’s experiment thing, and also that I’ll probably find out once I actually read the rest of the fic.

uh. yeah. I think that’s all the questions I have? If there’s anything else you feel like sharing about the magic system, PLEASE DO. No worries if you haven’t thought super far into it, I just think it’s really interesting! Sorry for the long ask, and again, no pressure to answer. Have a great day!

Hi! No worries. I got so excited when I saw all these fun questions. It means so much to me that the world is of interest to you. So let's get started: (warning long ramblings under the cut)

Yes, everyone is born with some kind of power. Some cause physical changes in the body (like Logan's tail) and those will be noticable at birth. Other powers will present themselves sooner or later. Virgil's by example is a very intuitive power so he'd be using it from very young even if he didn't understand it yet. Roman's power wouldn't show up until he developed a certain way with words and found his passion for the performing and literary arts. In my head the power can change slightly with the personality of the person. The baseline is established at birth. But by example, Logan's curious nature made him understand all the animals. Someone else with the same 'baseline' power might have just developed 'animal instincts' or develop better senses.

There is always a power. Sometimes you don't realize it is a power until later. But developing a power is as much a given as having a heart or a brain. They might not all be equal but they are all there. There are always late bloomers but that's more a late teens situation. There might have been one or two cases of adults discovering their abilities. But that's more not realizing what it was. Like how do you know your power is attracting luck? Or maybe you have healing powers but every time you just figure you didn't hurt yourself as bad as you thought until you are seriously bleeding one moment and then perfectly fine the next.

There are plenty 'useless' powers. One of Virgil's teachers always knows when it's going to rain. There'll be a character who can change the flavor of food. Mundane stuff. We didn't give the main cast any of those cuz we were having too much fun comming up with them.

There are more common powers, you'll find that telekinesis is one of the comon ones. It manifests slightly different in every user though. But Ro's dad does a good job explaining that in a later chapter so that's all I'll say on the matter for now.

There is always a connection. Wether it is obvious or not. You get one power. That power can give you multiple benefits or be used creatively (Like using telekinesis to fly). But there is always a same point of origin. Being able to use multiple powers like Roman does is Extremely rare. So no Superman's in this universe except for in the comics where the artists can take liberty with the established rules behind powers if they really want to. Superman is an alien there cuz it gives a canonical reason to why he has multiple powers that have nothing to do with each other.

About Roman's powers. I'm pretty sure we elaborated on that before, but a refresher never hurts. Roman's powers run on his emotions. That's why he got so powerful when he was upset about Virgil being kidnapped the first time. So falling out of the sky likely wouldn't happen. It would mean he went form high emotional state to perfectly calm in a second. He always knows he's running out in time. He's practiced enough to be able to tell. Speaking of practice, the more practice he has with a power the easier it is for him to summon it. His charm barely requires any energy anymore as he's used it so much to keep his secret identity. Using a lot of powers or fighting for a long time, is emotionally draining of course. He'd get exhausted if he did too much for too long.

Trinitas Fortuna: He could defenitely do that. But they'd all only work temporarily. Maybe that's good enough for TF maybe not. We'll have to wait and see. If Roman can dream it he can do it. It does help if he is familiar with the power in question though. The study boost one was improvised and gets better with time. I'd say his limits aren't in his power but in his own disposition. If he's scared or grossed out by one it likely won't manifest. So stealing someone's power would only happen if it was the only way. And it would likely not be permanent as none of his powers are permanent. We don't have an All For One in this universe and I'm inclined to keep it that way. But there might be a few who can turn other people's powers off for a bit Erasure Head style.

Virgil. You should defenitely read on for that one yeah.

Something we'd like to add... Well not sure how obvious it is in the story. But in this universe, powers have been part of the human experience since forever. Every belief system has their own spin on where they come from. Scientifically it is just accepted as fact with no difinitive answer on the how and why of it. Of course there is an attempt at categorizing cuz we're humans and our love for boxes is only outdone by cats. So there are active powers (not always happening, only when you choose too. Roman for example) Passive (Can't turn it off. Ever. Like Logan). And within those you have a sub category of Body modifications. A power that changes the body of the individual from the standard humanoid form. Those can also be active or passive. There are still powers that lie in murky waters probably with this one, but it's the best they could come up with.

@skeletinmoss anything to add?

[quaranmine]

How do you go about writing mysteries? Like how your firewatch one has its slow drip of discoveries and backstories and stuff. I keep getting totally lost, cuz I already know my endings, and keep forgetting the audience doesnt and shouldnt know the same. Mysteries are fun. They are also the hardest thing ive ever tried to write.

Honestly, mysteries are SO hard. I don't really know how to write them well either. And your ask honestly surprised me some, because up until this point I have never really considered my AU to succeed as a mystery. There is some legitimate mystery in the story (as to where Mumbo is) but, as it becomes clear in chapter 10 I think, most of the things about the Forest Service, Grian's conspiratorial thinking, and finding someone to blame are just set dressing. Or, to give myself more credit, more character study than reality. Something I've had written in the outline since day one is "Is this a mystery, or is Grian just convinced it's a mystery?" Half of the mystery in the story is finding out what actually happened, and half of the mystery is actually just a character study on Grian's grief and thought processes.

I going to put the rest under a cut, it gets kind of long. I can probably talk about my AU forever honestly. And if anyone reading this isn't caught up to at least chapter 10 this will spoil things:

But anyway. I think the best advice I have is to work backwards. You say you already know your ending so it seems like you're doing that already. I knew from the moment I started working on the story how it was going to end, so working backwards from that is a matter of arranging things to be in the places you want them. Having a complete outline also helps because that's what helped me create that "slow drip of discoveries and backstories" because I wanted to reveal things at a relatively steady pace. As for forgetting that your audience doesn't know things...idk I just try to focus super hard on what has/hasn't been revealed and where everybody's povs are. I think that just becomes a learned thing. I don't just know more than the audience, I know more than all the characters too, and I have to make sure they all operate on exactly what they currently know. I think rereading your already-done work as you go helps to refresh you on this.

Another hard thing about mysteries is like....trusting the audience to make connections. I think that I often overplay my hand and spell things out because I am inexperienced in knowing where to draw the line. For this AU, I didn't really intend it to have any big twist ending. I wanted the truth to be telegraphed as the audience uses their own logic to realize that Grian's POV is biased. And even though I haven't released chapter 11 and 12 yet, I....think I succeeded? Based on the difference in comments from chapter 1 to chapter 10, I think most of my readers are where I want them to be. But I didn't know that until I actually released the chapters. Anyway, I think the surprise is less about what the answer is and more about how it all goes down.

In terms of backstories, Firewatch AU has an almost parallel "before" section. There is never a "flashback" to before Mumbo disappeared. The first scene of the story is the ground zero and we never go before that. So the timeline of the story is always "contained" despite skipping around sometimes? Over the course of the fic I slowly introduce scenes that eventually lead us into exactly how Grian got here in the present-day plot. Pretty much all the "before" sections emphasize one way or another that Grian has been struggling.

I guess I can summarize my intentions with the chapters? There's a specific structure to them and their purpose (if I could help it.) Sometimes I feel like I have this story structured within an inch of its life, which is one reason that I have been able to post as I go without needing to make any retroactive changes to already done chapters.

Chapter one: establishes the central problem in the story, introduces the main characters to each other, and introduces Grian's goals. Honestly, I think this is a great first chapter since it introduces everything it needs to. It swaps time periods more than any other one but that is because I specifically modeled it to reflect the intro of the game Firewatch.

Chapter two: introduces fire as a major plot element, and serves as character development and relationship development between Scar and Grian. Also introduces more of Grian's grief, his thoughts about search and rescue, and specifically (vitally, to the plot) allows Scar see just a glimpse of what's happening with Grian that Grian isn't telling him.

Chapter three: mostly vital character development (especially for Scar) and relationship development; I've got to set them up as becoming friends before the big stuff kicks in. also, fire lookout knowledge!

Chapter four: first big clue (found by chance, not by Grian, which sort of emphasizes the idea of things being out of anyone's control that comes up in the narrative a lot.) Bigger spotlight on Grian's emotions (understatement of the year.) Scar gets officially looped into the Real Story. From this point on the plot progresses relatively regularly.

Chapter five: more character development, and another backstory hint about Scar. also, now that Scar is looped in, he gets to contribute information to the plot by bringing the newest clue (that builds off the information revealed in chapter four) (hey grian, it turns out when you communicate to people they can assist you)

Chapter six: this chapter is mostly a flashback section, which i wanted to avoid in chapters but IIRC it was simply too long to include with chapter five. This section with Pearl serves to emphasize a few different self-destructive tendencies Grian has (isolation, his living space, his financial situation, etc.) And finally, more information Scar gives him since he has contacts from working there so long. Also, from here on out Grian's conspiratorial thinking grows.

-> side note, one part of this story being a mystery that was difficult was that like. without internet research being available in the 80s, most "detective" actions would naturally involve talking to people, interviewing, looking at documents, etc. but since grian is Alone, in the middle of the Wilderness, he has none of that. it's, uh, difficult to introduce clues when the main character has little ability to find them. I had to sit down and be like, realistically HOW can he solve this without just wandering around in the woods endlessly? It's not a fun story if all he does is hike around the forest. In the game Firewatch, that sort of worked, but that's because you're controlling Henry. It doesn't translate well to reading. But with Grian entirely on his own, exploring the forest is the only "tool" he has. So Scar is a useful addition since he actually knows people to talk to that Grian doesn't and can move things forward by bringing more information to the table. But I have to proceed carefully to ensure he isn't just a deus ex machina for any hard parts of the plot. Scar talking to someone off-screen can't solve every problem in the story or else it's a bad story.

Chapter seven: some conflict/roadblocks introduced, because Scar cannot just endlessly poke around and find information without repercussions. also, the govt loooooves to make information available only to specific people. you can and will get slapped on the wrist if you consistently overstep the boundaries of your job. also, i need Grian to contribue his own piece to solving the mystery without Scar, so with his boots-on-the ground he finds the trail Mumbo took to get to from point A to point B. He gets a dangerous idea that will later escalate the plot closer to the climax, since we're officially in the second half of the story. There's a flashback that is purposefully the first part of the story so far to have someone outright state they think Mumbo is dead (and of course it's Jimmy.) Ends with more character development for Scar.

Chapter eight: WOOOO SCAR CHAPTER! but not before some egregiously obvious foreshadowing and a distinct reminder that this is a story about fire. i break from my deep character pov for the first time just to give the readers some scientific and historical background. we finally learn more about Scar, which should in theory retroactively piece together why he specifically wants to help Grian so much: because he sees his own experiences reflected in what Grian is living through now. also, since so much of this story is Grian isolating himself and pushing help away, it is vital for him to be shown someone else Does understand him

Chapter nine: beginning of the end pt 1 of 3. we re-center fire as a risk in the story again. grian commits a few crimes, because his main motivation this whole time has been information. and he simply can't get that information sitting in a tower by himself in the woods. he is desperate to find puzzle pieces to slot together so that everything makes sense. this is also the height of his conspiratorial thinking and there's a big disconnect between how he views other people, and their actual actions. I initially didn't want the story to "leave" its main setting, I wanted it to be a bottle. But that just didn't work in practice when plotting this out.

Chapter ten: beginning of the end pt 2 of 3, and we bring the flashback scenes full circle by including grian's decision to become a lookout in the same chapter we learns he gets fired. a somewhat anti-climactic reveal of there not being all that much conspirarcy to Mumbo's disappearance, in a way that hopefully is not disappointing since hopefully everyone reading realizes Why grian was convinced of this and Why he's wrong. woooo fire again! the return of the mystical bike location that was introduced early in the plot! grian finally being forced to reckon with things he's been avoiding thinking about all story! a fallout between our beloved main characters at the 11th hour!

Chapter eleven and twelve: ???? coming soon but you can guarantee they'll deal with the loose ends here since this story is standalone in its plot

So, idk if that type of analytical breakdown is useful to you. But you can kind of see how my plot was guided by the constraints on my narrative--a lot of my choices involved either needing different characters to help grian, or needing grian to go somewhere else. but i constantly wanted to make sure that it made sense for Scar to help Grian, that Scar never overstepped his place in the narrative by being "all-knowing", and that all of Grian's decisions are driven, even to the point of Problems, by his grief. Also, to kickstart the plot, I needed at least one major shake-up to happen (in this story, finding the bike) or else Grian probably would have been just as doomed as everyone else to look in the wrong places. Since it's more or less a cold case, a breakthrough needed to happen to move things forward. So I suppose what I needed was: first, to know the ending I needed to get to; second, to know where I was starting; and third, to provide at least one major clue to give the characters an opportunity to unravel the rest.

Also, this is less about mysteries and more about characterization, but when writing Grian I put Mumbo at the highest priority in all situations. This means he is willing to tank his financial situation, his jobs, his relationships with his friends, and even commit crimes for Mumbo. He consistently does not consider his own future when making decisions. He's reactive and more than willing to take things to the extreme, which I think makes him honestly more fun to write about. I think his Drive pushes the story even when there's just dialogue sitting in a fire tower. One thing I never wanted to do in this story was soften characters' emotions or actions into something "easier."

anyway, this is a story about trying to find logic in places where there is none, coping badly and learning to cope, accepting support from others, grief, and finding closure <333 thank you for your ask it was very sweet to be asked for advice and hopefully SOMETHING in this essay helps <333

[bcbdrums]

🍊 Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more?

🍍 What kind of AUs do you like? Are there any AUs you hate or just generally have beef with?

I'll answer for Soul Eater since you're a SE pal. ^^

🍊 Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more?

Considering I only write for Spirit and Stein.... 😅 I have ideas for all of the characters, actually. I suppose though...hmm... I need to take a genuine stab at Marie. I keep putting her off in my brain. Also Lord Death; I have a huge series of stories outlined where he's the main character and I've written exactly....zero. And also Sid and Naigus, and Azusa. There's a lot of dynamics I'd like to explore there. I know that isn't one character... 😅 But the thing in SE is that it's all about those relationships. So you can't really have just one. And yes oh yes, someday I will also write about Excalibur.

🍍 What kind of AUs do you like? Are there any AUs you hate or just generally have beef with?

Soooooooooooo....... Here's the thing..... Even tho I just posted an 8K AU the other day.... AU's are very much not my thing.💀 (My gosh that fic was so hard to write, for this reason.) I like canon fic, canon compliant fic... Prequels, sequels, missing parts of canon... New tales within... As long as it all fits. I even have trouble with things that are a stretch of canon, you know? I simply...have a preference. I want more of what I fell in love with, not someone's re-imagining. That said... I can get into AU's if they strike the right chord. A lovely one on AO3 right now for example is called "Are You Dead Or Are You Sleeping?" and I've also outlined a figure skating/ice hockey AU story based on the this and this stunning artwork! I once wrote an AU that turned the two humans into a vampire and a dryad and put them in a fantasy setting. WAY out of my comfort zone! I've also written AU death fics cuz, angst. I guess.... For me, there has to be something specific worth exploring in an AU that strikes my particular interest. Death fics hit a very particular set of emotions in a way only death fics can, for example. There's no formula to determining what I'm gonna like or dislike, I'm afraid. Basically just, the AU would either have to have a desperately clever plot, or hit the emotions in just the right way to appeal to me. I, uh.... I'm not really one for fix-it fics or canon rewrites. (A certain person is reading this right now and is possibly/probably in shock...) If I'm in a fandom you can be assured I love its canon. Doesn't mean I can't view a thing critically. But yeah, the whole fix-it/rewrite is one thing I pretty much never go in for... (Don't worry certain person I am still invested in and will love yours!) There are definitely AU things I like less... Usually just... The general...putting characters in another setting, thing. Like if I were to put all of Soul Eater into Star Trek, as an example. Uh... Changing the race/gender of all the characters doesn't appeal to me. But really, it's hard to answer what kind of AU's I dislike since I shy away from AU so strongly. Most/all AU? I'm really a canon-only type of person. All that said.... I am still very willing and have read things outside my preferences, either if desperate for The Fictional Character™️ or if a friend has asked. And I have found enjoyment in some AU's!

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Oop I seem to have started Conversations- xD

I wanted to add on a comment on declaring BitA my favourite, and it's the admission that I don't read Apocalypse AUs?

Like. Ever?

Or, well, I do *now*, since it does count, but I picked up BitA because of the lil bit that the Apocalypse was just the setting, it's a found fam speed run, and I have no regrets ^w^

(It also has probably my favorite Childe but that's because I'm a chili kinda guy and also very weak for 100% human non-powered competence Childe in AUs and BitA is just. Perfection on that front. Its a close call though- you generally write really good Childe)

actually you are so valid for that, for as much as i love apocalypse stories sometimes i'm like "how gritty / dark / edgy is the author going to make it...?" and simply turn away if it's too much. i feel like i do kinda prefer apocalypse as a setting and not the whole plot, hence babysitting being a found family speedrun instead hahaha

on the chili/zhongchi note, you reminded me of like- something very interesting i've noticed as i continue to stack up wips for those two,, i did mention earlier that sometimes in aus you have to choose whether to completely adhere to canon characterization and somehow find a way to explain it / integrate that within the au (which is sometimes easy), or choose to go for circumstancial character fidelity and stray slightly into ooc territory so the au makes sense (in cases where aus are far removed from canonverse and so, logically, if the characters didn't live through the exact same circumstances, then they wouldn't behave exactly the same).

so while writing those idiots i've come to notice that, in more canonverse-aligned stories or straight up just canonverse, i lean more towards zhongchi; whereas in non-canonverse aligned stories or, in this case, only babysitting since it's essentially a modern universe au (fully, since both are from the same time period, cyanide doesn't count on that front) i tend to lean more towards tartali/chili. even then i generally consider that like- the differences are subtle enough? where you could read it as both? that might just be me, it might just be the fact that i'd argue there's no actual top/bottom dynamic going on since there's no sexy times in any of my fics. but the point is- i think the one who changes the most is zhongli, because if you take off 6000+ years of experience and a whole ass war from his shoulders, no matter how inventive you make his backstory in a fantasyless modern au, you'll struggle to reach the necesary baggage in order to justify making him behave exactly like canonverse zhongli. and when you get a more humnan-like zhongli, and childe can stay mostly the same (he's so much easier to adapt to modern aus), and you keep them at a relatively similar age (you can kinda justify making zhongli more canon aligned if you give him several years over childe, but i'm not that much of a fan of writing the kind of age gap i feel you'd need for that? still, always an option), then you somehow end up tipping the dynamic out of zhongchi terrritory and into tartali/chili, which i find very funny and kinda interesting to think about. like if you put them on a relatively even playing field of life experience, childe definitely ends up being the more forward one of the two, hence it reads more like chili than zhongchi. of course this all mostly has to do with the way i personally write them, but still. afraid you'll only get more noticeably chili-aligned stories from me again if i end up writing another story with a fully human zhongli hahah

[likeapear]

Author Thoughts on These Rivers Run - Chapter One

Alright, before I get too far into discussing specifically chapter one I want to talk a little about why I started These Rivers Run to begin with. This fic actually originated as a Dragon!Dandelion fic that closely followed the plot of the books deviating only when the Hansa left Toussaint. In the OG fic, Dandelion went with the rest of the Hansa and, as a dragon, prevented the deaths of his friends. From there, the fic was essentially just a bunch of ficlets of the Hansa living in Kaer Morhen and doing found family things. 

I hated that fic. I hated writing it and I hated reading what I had already written. It is, to this day, the only fanfiction I have ever deleted off Ao3. Despite that, I still desperately wanted more of the Hansa in fanfic and quickly realized if I wanted something done right I was going to have to do it myself. So I embarked on a mission to insert the Hansa into one of the more popular tropes in Witcher fanfic: the warlord au. Thus, These Rivers Run was born. 

Now, I started writing this fic almost exactly six months ago. I totally do not remember exactly what I was thinking when I started writing it. Regardless, here are my general thoughts on chapter one of These Rivers Run and an explanation of why I did some of the things I did. 

There were a few things I really wanted to emphasize in this chapter. The first of those is that Cahir is extremely young. Someone asked in my comments how drastically I had changed his age from his age in the books and the answer, my friends, is “Not very.” 

Cahir’s age is never specified in the books. The only clue we have is that he is the youngest person to ever hold his position within the Nilfgaardian army. This is not a lot to go off of. Nilfgaard is a militant nation at war. As much as we like to pretend, children enlist in wars all the time. In the American Civil War, for example, the youngest legally enlisted soldier was twelve. In World War I, the youngest soldier (though I don’t believe he was legally enlisted) was eight.  The imperial Roman army, which is more or less what Nilfgaard is based on, has an expansive history of involving children in warfare. Boys as young as fourteen were enlisted. During the Middle Ages (which is more or less the real-world equivalent of the Continent’s time period during the Witcher saga), children as young as twelve served as squires and fufilled other support roles in the military. These were the ages of boys serving in the military of their countries. Cahir is not Nilfgaardian; he’s Vicovaran. While that distinction is typically played for laughs in both canon and fanon, it does bring up something to consider: why is Cahir so adamant about that? Is it simply nationalism or is there something darker to consider - like that his conscription age may have been lower than Nilfgaardian boys’.

When I originally read the books, I always imagined Cahir somewhere between 17 and 19. Part of this was for my own comfort as he had a crush on Cirilla and imagining him as not-a-teenager freaked me out. I enjoyed him more without the pedophilia thank you very much. However, considering the above information, I could totally see Cahir being as young as fifteen in the canon material. In conclusion, the Witcher fandom does NOT talk about the fact that Cahir is a child soldier often enough. I understand that’s because he isn’t in the games and is extremely aged up in the show so only fans who’ve read the books even know he’s implied to be a child soldier, but still. This is actually one of the major issues I have with TWN!Cahir. In the show, he’s a fully grown adult that is following a regime. In the books, he’s a misguided, disabled (fun fact for anyone who has only seen the show. For reference, he is not disabled in These Rivers Run as his disabling event does not have a chance to occur) teenager trying to right his wrongs. The difference is pretty significant. 

Aside from Cahir’s age, the other thing I wanted to focus on is the fact that Emhyr is a fucking creep. This is something that is retconned in the games and I assume will be retconned in the show as well. In the books, however, Emhyr wants to marry, rape, and impregnate his own daughter. Most fic I have encountered has glossed over that entirely and I wanted to emphasize it instead. 

[shadowsong26fic]

Papa and J-----, 28 August ‘34

Author: shadowsong26

Rating: PG/PG-13

Fandom: Les Misérables

Characters: Technically all on-page characters are OCs; Valjean, Cosette, Marius, and Javert are discussed as historical personalities. Backstory Cosette/Marius and heavily implied Valjean/Javert.

Warnings: Nothing specific, I don’t think?

Summary: Euphrasie Pontmercy--known in the art world as La Jardinière--isn’t exactly a household name. Still, the sheer length of her active career (her work was first displayed and sold in 1839, and she left one last work unfinished at her death in 1910) makes her interesting to people who actually study that century in art. But as far as the historical record is concerned, Jardinière seems to have sprung semi-fully-formed from the streets of Paris somewhere in the mid-to-late 1820s. Other than the fact that she was educated in a convent, essentially nothing is known about her parents or her childhood.

Until now.

Or:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a PhD student with no thesis topic must be in want of an undiscovered painting to go absolutely feral over.

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of their respective creators.

Notes: So, this story came out of a midnight/one am rambling conversation with my roommate @tigerkat24. And then we realized it was interesting enough to be worth, like, polishing up and turning into an Actual Thing (translation: tigerkat dared me to actually write it and I was like ‘you know I really could’), so here we are. As the title implies, this is an AU timeline--short version, Javert didn’t die; he went to talk to Valjean some time later, and then just sort of…never left; Valjean also successfully failed to pine away in 1833. All other relevant AU details should be included within the text of the fic, which is set in a vague Present Day. My knowledge is primarily of the musical, though I have drawn in a few details from what I remember of reading (an abridged version of) the novel years ago; tigerkat just read it and has also provided some additional notes/helpful bits and pieces to draw in.

It all started on a blind date.

Which, I mean, when I tell people that’s how I met the love of my life, they assume I mean Phil. Don’t get me wrong, Phil is great, and I love having him in my life and have no intention of changing that any time soon. But he’s not what I’m talking about.

Phil was a friend of a friend of my roommate; I was working on finalizing my thesis topic for my PhD (art history, with a planned focus on the intersection of technological changes and shifts in the art world in the middle third of the nineteenth century). He worked in a bank, not at the university, which was probably for the best. Academia is a small world, and it can get super incestuous when ninety-five percent of the people you meet are, if not actually in your fairly small field, in something related.

So, Phil wasn’t an academic (although he had worked as a freelance translator while getting his CPA), and math (especially money math) has never exactly been my strong suit, but we found plenty of other things to talk about. A shared fondness for murder mysteries, the more ridiculous the better; a couple of fandoms in common; a similar sense of humor. And he was over the moon proud of his older sister, who was apparently making a major name for herself in the world of classical piano, so. You know. He clearly appreciated super-nerdy niche careers, even if he didn’t have one himself.

Besides, it was nice to get a break from going through all of the preliminary research I’d gathered, trying to find a thread to follow and spin into my actual thesis.

It was even nicer when the Agatha Christie movie we saw was better than we expected, and then we spent almost two hours at my favorite Middle Eastern place (best falafel in town) just talking, until they kicked us out at closing time.

Phil was sweet, and kind, and funny, and I’ve always been a sucker for boys with big blue eyes.

Naturally, we ended up back at his place.

He lived at home with his parents--which, no judgement; I’d probably still be living with mine if I hadn’t had to move halfway across the country for my PhD program--but they were out of town for the week, and I like to give my roommate a little more notice before asking for privacy.

His couch was also a hell of a lot nicer than mine.

We’d been getting into a nice rhythm, and then Phil had come up for air--and to strip his shirt the rest of the way off--when it caught my eye.

I’m still not sure what exactly drew my attention. The piece isn’t large; including the frame, it’s only a little bit bigger than a standard letter-sized piece of paper. A simple portrait of two men at a window; one seated, the other standing.

“Oh, hey, what’s that?” I asked.

“Huh?” Phil said, blinking a couple of times, then turning his head to see what I was looking at. “Uh…the painting? It’s…a painting? I don’t know, it’s been there for as long as I can remember.”

“Right,” I said, sitting half-propped-up on my elbows, still looking more at the painting than the (admittedly very pleasant) view of shirtless Phil. “…sorry. Uh. Art nerd brain activating.”

“…right,” he said, and sighed a little, but sat all the way up himself, climbing off me and pulling one of the couch cushions over onto his lap.

“Thanks. Sorry again. Can I take a closer look?”

“Go ahead,” he said.

I smiled at him and headed over to the other side of the room, leaving my own shirt behind.

Could be anywhere from the late 1820s to the 1840s, I guess, I thought. Men’s fashion didn’t provide as many clues as women’s fashion in that period. At least not to me--while I had done some research into fashion and textiles, if only because I was interested in the development of dyes and other pigments, my focus had always been more on painting.

My phone was on the coffee table, right where I’d dumped it when it started getting in the way; I picked it up. “Can I…?” I asked.

“Sure,” Phil said, running a hand through his hair.

“Great.” I took a quick picture of the painting on the wall--I knew a couple people who might have a better time dating it by the clothing than I would.

Right. So, I have at least a vague time period. What else?

The subjects weren’t young men; I’d guess both were somewhere between fifty and seventy or so. The seated man seemed like the older of the two, but that was hard to gauge even with a photograph. He had broad shoulders, a full beard; was wearing a fairly plain dark suit. First impression: quiet, steady, calm, strong. A vague melancholy, but not overwhelming. Just a general vibe.

The other man was positioned just to the side of and slightly behind the chair, standing absolutely perfectly straight--but not stiff; more like the kind of ingrained upright perfection you see in career military men. Impressive muttonchops, rather than a full beard. Everything about him said stern, severe; except for one hand, resting almost gently on the back of the chair.

It was definitely posed--most portraits before the Impressionists were anyway--but there was almost a sort of casual intimacy to it, anyway. What kind, I couldn’t say. But whoever these men were, they were close. One way or another.

“Do you know who the artist was?” I asked.

“Uh, my great-great-something grandmother, I think?” Phil said. He got up off the couch and wandered over to stand next to me. “Like I said, it’s been hanging there as long as I can remember, and I think it’s been in the family forever.”

“Right.”

With that in mind, it could have been an amateur piece; plenty of upper-class and bourgeois women and girls studied painting as just part of how to become an Accomplished Young Lady. But there was something familiar nagging at the corner of my mind. Something about the hand on the back of the chair, or the eyes, or…

If I could get a closer look, really get into the fine detail of brush strokes and other aspects of the composition, maybe it’d fall into place. But the style was definitely familiar, and not in the sense of ‘this was the work of a talented schoolgirl; I’ve seen half a dozen like it before.’

More specific than that.

“What was her name, do you know?”

“Family stories always call her Mémé Cosette,” he said. “But that was a nickname, I think. Her real name was…very French, but, well, that side of my family’s French so that’s, uh, not really surprising.” He frowned. “I know I know it, hang on.”

Well, worth a shot. “Maybe it’ll come to you in a minute,” I said. “Is this the original frame?”

“Far as I know,” he said. “Sorry, like I said, it’s been there forever. Just sort of…part of the living room.”

So, maybe. “Can I take it down? I’ll be careful, I promise.”

“Sure,” he said. “…Emilie? It started with an E, I’m absolutely sure.”

“Right,” I said, absently, focused on taking the wooden frame off the wall.

A simple thing, and definitely actual wood, not plastic; probably not brand new. So, it could have been original, or not too much later than the portrait. Or it could have been a decent frame from ten years ago. Once again, hard to say for sure without further study.

I flipped it over. There was a handwritten inscription on the back.

Papa et J---- 28 août ’34.

And the handwriting was--

Oh my God.

“Eugenie? No, that’s not--Euphrasie? Yeah, I think that’s it.”

I had always thought that, when people said their heart skipped a beat, it was a poetic exaggeration. But, hand to God, in that moment, mine did.

“Ari?” Phil asked. “You okay?”

“Euphrasie,” I said. “Euphrasie Pontmercy?”

“That…sounds right,” he said. “…wait, you know her? Uh, of her?”

I turned the painting back over, and--yeah, yes, absolutely, that was it. That was what I was seeing--the distinctive way she did detail work in her early period, particularly in the shading around the eyes and hands in her rare portraits. The things that show the most humanity, as one of my high school drawing teachers had put it. I’d still need a closer look, outside the frame, to be absolutely sure, but.

“I--yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I…I know her.”

And the inscription on the back--Papa et J----, 28 août ’34. Papa and J----, August 28, ‘34. 1834, obviously. And--Papa.

Holy fucking shit.

“Wait,” Phil said. “Was…was Mémé Cosette actually famous? Like, people study her?”

“She was pretty well known for a while, but mostly it’s the length of her career that makes her interesting,” I said. “Not like she was a major player in any of the art movements she was on the fringes of, but she adapted some of their techniques to her own style as time went on, and…yes. Yes, people study her.” I took a breath. “Is there…do you think there’s any chance your parents would let me borrow this? To do more detailed study and analysis, I mean. Maybe. Maybe write a paper?” Or a thesis?

“Probably,” he said. “I mean, you can always ask, and I don’t see any reason why they’d say no?”

“Great,” I said. “Uh. Just let me…” I took a couple more pictures with my phone--the portrait, the frame, the inscription--and then carefully, and hopefully without being too obviously reluctant, hung it back in its place on the wall. “…I’m sorry, Phil, I have to…”

“Yeah, of course,” he said. “Rain check?”

I blinked and--we’d had a good time, before I sort of ruined it, and he was very beautiful, standing there with his shirt off and those big blue eyes. “Definitely,” I said, leaning in to give him a very quick peck on the lips on my way to collect my shirt. “I’ll call you. For more than just the painting. Promise.”

He smiled, and. Oh, yeah. Definitely calling him back.

Later. In a few days.

First, though. That painting.

[transmascnepetaleijon]

HMMMMMMMMM MEDIEVAL/FANTASY AUS MY BELOVED

[momrryficfest]

Seeing as prompt submissions are right around the corner for the next round of the Momrry Fic Fest, we have decided to post a roundup of last year’s fics. Happy reading! We’ll be back sooner than you think. 🤍🕊️✨

With A Little Kindness by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

The man lays his hand on Harry’s forearm and Harry looks up as the stranger leans in. “I just wanted to say,” he whispers. “Can I cover your bill? I’m a big believer in paying it forward and I can see you’re struggling. It’s none of my business, of course, but I’d really like to help.”

OR the one where Harry is a struggling single parent who doesn’t have time for relationships and Louis is a generous stranger who is unlucky in love, until fate decides to step in and bring them together.

Let Go of a Prayer by abaddxns / @momrryrights

On nights like these, will he be left to tend to the baby while Louis tidies up his mess in the kitchen, or will he be cooking and cleaning while Louis busies himself with the baby? Or babies? Can’t forget Jay’s track record with twins. And if they are graced with multiples or are able to get pregnant more than once, will their first be old enough by the time their little sibling comes along to help do the nightly tidying, or will he and Louis be juggling two under-fives at once?

In which Harry and Louis are happily married creatives who have been actively dancing around the subject of having children for years, but when Harry's itch for having a baby starts to become unbearable, starting a proper conversation on the matter seems impossible.

A Chance? by onlylearsfool / @suesheroll

A meet-awkward involving puking babies and kind handsome strangers. Harry’s heart doesn’t stand a chance against a stranger just asking for one.

in the shallow water, you can swim around me (i won't mind) by enbyharry / @non-binharry

“What’s got you all worked up this morning, princess?”

Louis tickles up Harry's ribs and Harry squirms, slapping his hands away.

"Your little footie players are in here giving their mummy hell this morning." Harry explains. “I could barely sleep so I had a little bath. I thought it was only fair that you give me a hand to lotion myself up.”

“And just where do you want me to rub you down, my love?” Louis asks, an amused lilt to his question. Harry knows that Louis had already figured out exactly what he was really getting at, too embarrassed to flat out say he was horny at 8 o’clock on a Thursday morning. Harry’s libido was going haywire in his final trimester, and while Louis was never going to refuse pulling his cock out to give his baby exactly what he wanted, Harry felt undignified over the reality that he could barely function these days if he didn’t do something first to relieve the aching pressure building just beneath the surface.

“Hmm,” Harry says, tapping his chin, “I think I want you to start… here.”

Most Ardently in Love by softfonds / @softfonds

A glimpse into the newlywed life of the Tomlinsons of Donwell Abbey, complete with a happy surprise.

Where Love Grows by Neondiamond / @neondiamond

When his husband leaves without warning only weeks after the birth of their first child, a struggling Harry is forced to move in with a work colleague and raise his newborn in the desolate, dreary outskirts of London. There, within the walls of a shitty apartment complex, he meets Louis Tomlinson, fellow struggling parent and hopeless romantic.

Don't Go Wasting Your Emotions by princelyharry / @princelyharry

Harry Styles is a feisty, independent man who has been a single parent all his life and doesn’t need any man to fulfill his dreams.

That may change when his twenty-one-year-old daughter, Isabella, suddenly invites her three potential fathers to the island so that one of them can give her away on her wedding day.

As it turns out, Harry doesn’t really know who Isabella's father is.

(or Mamma Mia au)

All I Need by tommokat / @tommokat

Harry’s been dating Louis for a magical three months, but before they can go any further, he has a big secret to reveal.

Enchanted by brightgolden / @brightgolden

“My close friends usually call me H,” Harry mumbles suddenly after Louis wraps up his story.

That’s unexpected. “Are you telling me I’m your close friend now?” Louis quips, squinting his eyes at Harry.

OR

Where Louis finally meets his neighbour. After a few conversations, he begins to realise he is too weak to resist the charms of the new mother and his six month old daughter.

honey, that's alright by enbyharry / @non-binharry

Harry giggles as he reveals what he’s hiding behind his back, shaking the glass jar in front of Louis’ face as the nugs rattle around, flipping from side to side. He feels like a teenager, giddy anticipation to partake in something he shouldn’t be doing, making it all the more thrilling.

"Will you join me?" he asks sweetly, knowing Louis can never deny him.

or

The one where Harry is one hot mama who likes to get high.

All I Want Is You by daffodilsforlou / @polaroidlouis

“It’s been ages,” Harry whispers. The curls tickling the top of Louis’ ear, though a bit higher than he remembers, are familiar enough that any potential awkwardness between them dissolves.

“I know,” Louis chuckles. Although if he closes his eyes - and he does - he can almost pretend it hasn’t been that long.

Until there’s a small, high pitched voice pulling Harry apart.

“Mommy?”

harry has a kid from a previous relationship. he and kit come to stay with louis for a while.

[yyxgin]

lee felix’s guide to hating you

— ♡ FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships

a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaemin’s drama ‘the way i hate you’ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so i’m happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope it’s worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3

taglist: @feyregels​ @missskzbiased​ @hyunyin​ @koishua​ @crispy-chan​ @rindomo​ @soulssung​ @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ @90shermione​ @chogiwow​ @creatichee​ @freckledberries​ @hyunnies-stars​ 

There’s a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesn’t need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.

Here’s a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though it’s fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone. 

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

“I love you too.”

[oh-for-fic-sake-library]

Gloria Regalia Chapter Two

Masterlist

Summary: After your acceptance your quickly thrust into uncomfortable family gatherings and then cameras arrived. But hopefully things will calm down after your crowned? You just have to get through the coronation, but with jasper kicking and screaming you might end up having a nervous breakdown, but then again maybe a handsome prince will ride in on a white stallion and save you?

Warnings: Swearing, confrontation,  angst?, panic attacks, fluff, a power couple is born, pure self indulgence.

A/N: here is chapter two of my royal au! And napoleon has landed! Im so excited to get this fic going i hope you all enjoy! And once again a big shout out to my lovely beta reader a @eldarwen333 you are a star my love! Thank you so much for reading through and correcting things for me

Wordcount: 13,000+

Returning to the palace was rushed, a blur. You'd only been home long enough to inform Vincent that you were being moved back to the palace and he too was invited. He'd been confused at first trying to make you slow down, worrying something was wrong. Jace decided to give you both a moment and began packing for you, already knowing where everything was because he was your right-hand man.

You'd taken the time to inform your roommate you were taking a senior royal role and had to go home but wanted to take him with you. Needing to have a genuine friend. Luckily, he didn't push too far and nodded agreeing to join you tomorrow, stating he'd never abandon you, especially with the impending shit storm. Not that he knew exactly what was actually happening yet.

And then it was all systems go. When your uncle said he'd make it a speedy transition, he meant it. Within hours, you were taken to your uncle’s private study and signed away your life. A document that swore you in as the new heir, it was mostly legal jargon that made you aware of your duties and the expectations people had of you. You signed and printed your thumb and added the customary wax seal with ten witnesses: your father, some of your uncle’s elected officials, some religious figures and a few of the king’s close staff. There were also a few photos taken for the archives. Thank god you had time to change, a simple blouse with a bow on the neck and pencil skirt. Formal and elegant.

And then you were off to bed. Considering what the documents were all about the whole affair had been dull. But you powered through it mostly without thinking. You didn't have time to think, thinking would make you second-guess yourself and no one needed that.

After a fitful night’s sleep, a good few hours spent in the kitchen, nursing a pot of tea and a variety of comfort cakes stolen from the fridge; and almost causing three maids to have heart attacks, you found yourself thrust into an equally stressful family meeting. You sat in the drawing room, your siblings all around you, each wondering what was going on. They had been called here overnight and were a mixture of annoyed and excited. And it was only going to get worse.

"Oh look? A few television crews are being brought in!" Eleanor exclaimed, peering out of the window. She was excited, along with Jasper.

"Yes, I suppose this has to be big news as we are all here. Perhaps the old codgers have decided enough is enough, it’s time for the country to be led into the 21st century!" Jasper said with a triumphant jeer. He was all smiles, thinking he was about to be handed the country on a platter. You smirked in to your cup.

You may not necessarily want the throne, but taking it from under Jasper's upturned beak? Yes, you'd enjoy that. But you couldn't help but be a little ruffled by his tone. The way he spoke of your uncle, who by now you knew Jasper knew was fatally ill, it was disgraceful. He only cared about money and status.

"Those old codgers are your king and father, Jasper. You of all people should treat them with respect," you snipped, slamming your cup down whilst tipping your head up to face him. He faltered for a second, unsure what had got into you. You seemed much more finicky since yesterday, but his puzzled face quickly changed and he sneered at you. You must be jealous.

"Why are you still here, again? Shouldn't you be running around playing pauper," he prodded, walking past you knocking you with his knee. All the self-control of a fucking toddler, lashing out at those who would dare scold him.

"And shouldn't you be at a training barracks somewhere? Oh yes, that’s right, you quit that, didn't you? Couldn't handle fighting for your own country, could you?" you snapped at him, following him with your gaze as he slumped down into his seat with a grunt.

"I can serve our country other ways!" he snapped at you, clenching his fists. He usually enjoyed bickering, but even he could tell there was something more to this. You knew something he didn't, and he didn't like it. Not that he would let that stop him, he was sure he was about to be handed the crown and nothing was going to ruin it for him. Certainly not the little runaway bitch of a sister.

"With a pretty crown on your head? And you call me a child. Almost forty years old and still living with daddy, waiting for a pretty hat. I pity you," you huffed, smirking as the others chuckled under their breaths. Jasper flushed and stood stomping towards you snarling.

"Why you little bitch-"

You gasped and leant back, seeing him thunder towards you with his hand raising, the confidence of his 'ascension' getting him to make him both stupid and brave.

"Do not raise a hand to her!" Jace bellowed, intercepting the angered princeling and grappling him, seizing his hand and twisting it at an odd angle.

"What? You- release me! I order you to release me this instant! Know your place!" Jasper squealed like a pig, trying to throw his weight around. Literally aiming to tip Jace over.

"I suggest that you learn yours," Jace drawled smirking, enjoying finally having a reason to get his hands on your eldest brother.

"Jace, do let go before he squeals the house down. These walls are over four hundred years old, yet I doubt they could survive his wailing for long," you huffed giggling, well aware of the other’s beady eyes, shocked and spiteful.

"Of course, highness," he uttered, before spinning your brother and shoving him across the room sending the buffoon into a long stumbling fall.

"Why do you have this security anyway, sixth?" your sister questioned, ignoring the way Jasper cursed and staggered, trying to haul himself upright once more, almost knocking over a table in the process.

💎💎💎

Your reply was interrupted by the doors opening, your father entered wheeling in your uncle who looked slightly better today, worry free. You each stood and bowed, your eldest siblings grovelled, pawing at you uncle, showering him with praise, but the king swatted them away before nodding to everyone. Then bowed his head deeply in your direction. The room froze for a moment. The king never bowed his head to anyone. He used the moment of stunned silence to begin addressing the room.

"I see you all made it! I am so pleased, we have very exciting news," he began, suddenly the shocked silence became a buzz of excitement, each of your sibling salivating over the prospect of more money and power.

"As you may have noticed there is a lot of activity around the palace today and with good reason... I have arranged for a televised announcement later this morning." He paused and looked over the five of you with a small smile, then looked down at himself sighing, shrugging before speaking.

"These bones are... Not what they used to be and I now find the mantle of king to be tiring... I am stepping down." There was a beat of silence but the air in the room became elated. It made you feel sick to your stomach as your own family was excited by the decline in your own uncle’s health.

Jasper quickly frowned and faked a sympathetic smile stepping closer and kneeling down before him. Something you personally found demeaning. Jasper was treating the king of your country like a fucking child.

"What? But uncle, surely you have years left, you’re barely out of your prime," he praised, kissing the older man’s ass one final time. But your uncle was having none of it and sneered.

"Come now Jasper, flattery will get you nowhere, my boy. Trust me. Nowhere. But I am old and tired, I want to relax for whatever time I have left." Jasper stuttered and stood back up and tried to brush off the verbal beat down the king delivered swiftly.

"So, father will be king?" your sister spoke, trying to save your brother the embarrassment. She may be just as power hungry as Jasper but she also had his back. They were the dream team, the two oldest who would look after one another, but at the same time stab the other in the back if it’d get them a little more money or fame.

"Not quite Eleanor... I've never been the most level headed even as a prince... I’m refusing the crown... Your uncle and I feel it’s time to let the youngsters have a go. To inform you of the succession-" you could almost hear the teasing roll of his eyes as your uncle grinned, subtly looking at you sending smirks.

"It's me, I’m second and I would be honoured! Thank you, I promise I won’t let you down-" Everyone jumped as Jasper quickly burst, unable to contain himself.

"Silence Jasper, you are being passed over." Your father lost it and laughed. And to his own regret had to face away and miss his son’s undoing so he didn't give away his bias. The stunned silence didn't last long as Jasper began screeching.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I’M SECOND IN LINE!?"

"You've also proved that you have neither the charisma nor the tact to be king. Your rule would be disastrous for the kingdom. You are petty and have done little with your life but gamble, spend my money and fall on top of various women. You are forty years old and have never even left the palace or pursued a career." Your siblings all chuckled as the king ripped into Jasper, tearing him down piece by piece, and all your oldest sibling could do was gape.

"You can’t cut me out of the line of succession for that?!" Jasper snarled, beating his chest and spat his words livid with the way things were going.

"I can cut you out for much less boy and I have- Eleanor don’t look so smug, because you’re not being given the crown either. Not with all those questionable correspondence with overseas companies..." the king spoke, sending your sister into her own snarling cries of injustice and foul play. Which the king and your father ignored. After a few moments of infantile whingeing, silence broke over the room. A deafening silence that spoke more than any words could. The glares of your father and uncle made your sibling stop and think for a second, re-evaluate their decision.

"Then who is?" Colton asked hopefully, breaking the tension. Clearly, he was chipper as the elder siblings were written off from ever receiving the throne. But his face dropped when your uncle turned to face you with a small grin.

"Firefly, would you like to be queen?" your uncle asked with mirth, chuckling out of the side of his mouth having the time of his life.

"Well, if the position’s open, I wouldn’t mind giving it a go. What’s the salary like?" you giggled and leant forward, playing along letting your uncle have fun.

"It’s adequate, you even get dental and a company chariot," he replied amused, enjoying the banter between you both.

"Why didn't you say so? Sign me up," you said whilst rising, holding your hand out shaking the king’s hand and 'sealing the deal'.

💎💎💎

"WHAT?! YOU- HOW DARE YOU?! YOU ROTTEN LITTLE SNAKE-" A few seconds of jaw-slacked silence followed before Jasper snarled staggering onto his feet and crouched over a table thumping it hard enough to make the ornate brass lamp jump to his rage. The king was none too pleased with his nephews.

"JASPER! Calm yourself! This is exactly why you will never have the throne: tantrums! You always throw these tantrums! You have done little in your life but wait and scheme!"

"I have done lots to benefit this family-" he tried arguing, making the rest of you look at him in disbelief. None ever dared to snap back at the king.

 "You have done nothing but bring shame with your scams! And you will do well to remember whom you are speaking to. I might be abdicating, but for now I am still king." With those steely words, your brother faltered.

"I- forgive me, but this is madness! Madness, she is sixth. Sixth! She is practically a commoner! She’s clumsy and rude, beastly! She has nothing to offer this kingdom!" Jasper added, changing tactics. He knew the king wouldn't fall so easily to peer pressure, even in his weakened state. So instead tried to attack you, rally the troops so to speak. He thought this was a debate. That if he could get the others to agree with him, the decision would be changed.

"I suggest, son, that you show some respect to your sister, otherwise you may leave now and not return. And I do not mean the palace, do you hear me?" At your father’s words, Jasper rose and stormed around the sofa, a humourless laugh escaping. Venom and anger on his tongue, he was the angriest you'd ever seen. Eleanor glanced at him and tipped her head. He calmed, leaning forward grinding his teeth, placing his palms on the table behind the sofa. You frowned; it wasn't like them to see eye to eye. 

"But this? This can’t be legal? She is sixth in line; she isn’t trained or even been a part of this family for years? She won’t know how to govern, or how to deal with the work," Eleanor spoke up, trying to sway everyone with her tactile 'reasoning', fluttering her lashes and trying to look poised.

"I assure you it is legal. As king, if I feel the need to, I can rearrange my succession line as I see fit," your uncle countered firmly, glaring at Eleanor making her pale.

"She hasn’t been sworn in or-or anything!" Jasper’s rage ignited again, he sneered motioning to you. You sighed pivoting slightly facing him as best as you could.

"Actually, I have. I signed the papers yesterday evening. Documents of intent, relinquishing private citizen status, giving up my passport and driving licence. I even drew up my own succession plan. It’s all done," you announced with a smug grin, almost teasing him. Years of torment finally catching up with him. You weren't above a little victory gloat.

Your brothers face darkened, he hissed viciously. It would seem he no longer wanted to pretend. He was defensive and losing everything he pinned his future on. It was pitiful seeing the grown man have such a tantrum. But you had expected nothing less. Before anyone could speak another word, your uncle continued his announcement.

"In one week’s time, Odette will be crowned queen. She will be the absolute authority in the family and in this kingdom..." He paused, eyeing your siblings for a few seconds, locking eyes with each of them, cold blue eyes piercing them with the gaze that had broken down many ambitious men.

Your siblings each had to look away, none having the nerve to out stare the angered eyes that promised retribution. The king’s lip tugged into a lopsided grin. He found it refreshing to finally frighten the spoiled brood of rotten eggs that had rejoiced over his own wife and son’s passing. All too happy to take their place as crowned royalty.

He rose a single frail hand and pointed to them firmly, a threat in his eye as he firmly laid down the law.

"I am warning you all now, if you do not like it, then denounce your royal titles and leave. Now. I’m not playing games with you all: you are a bunch of spoiled children and I'm not having any of you ruining my country and our family's legacy. You have until noon to decide whether you are to remain a working royal during your little sister’s reign, or not. Your choices will be announced alongside the abdications of myself and your father." With that said, the angered man turned to you, who had been quiet during his lecture. You knew when to keep your mouth shut: it’s what kept you out of trouble.

"Odette, dear, do you have your speech made?" You smiled nodding to him quickly, pulling a neatly folded speech, the one you'd spent all night tweaking, before rewriting it as neatly as you could.

"Yes, I do, it took a while," you added, holding the paper, plucking at the corner with your nail trying not to think of the contents or the severity of it.

"Good, I'd like to hear it if you follow me into the study," he replied, indicating for your father to help wheel him out of the room.

"You're a fucking bitch," Jasper snarled the second the door clicked shut. He rounded the sofa and faced you at you stood, squaring up to him with a smirk.

"That’s Queen bitch, Jasper, do try to remember that," you hissed back in a sickeningly sweet tone. Sharp, angered yet victorious.

"You won’t last, you won’t even make it to the throne-" Jasper growled, leaning forward trying to intimidate you. You almost flinched, luckily Jace was on hand and stepped forward growling. Your guard was all too happy to lunge at the prince. He had watched your brother bully and belittle you for so long, he wanted the princeling to make a move. Jace would kill him given half the chance.

"Are you threatening her highness?" Jace fumed, stepping up beside you, the other guards dotting the room also took a step forward from their posts ready to protect their soon-to-be queen.

"Jace. He hasn’t got the balls to threaten me," you said, holding a hand out, halting your guards’ advance on your brother. You will give him a little leeway, after all his entire life’s hopes and dreams had just crashed around him. But then again, he has been threatening you with a miserable existence for your entire life, so perhaps a little pay back was acceptable. 

"And as for you, I'd worry more about yourself Jasper, because you are about to find yourself out of favour very quickly. Who wants to be friends with someone no longer in the line of succession?" you added, stepping languidly around him, craning your head back as you teased him with his own taunts of years gone by. It was bittersweet.

"If an accident happens-" you tutted, spinning back around crossing your arms watching your brother, feeling like the strong royal you were. The person you always wanted to be. The woman who took no one's shit and would fight her corner. You'd been like it as a girl, but as time wore on you were silenced, you understood your position and held your tongue. You would not any longer. 

"I've named my own heirs already- as is my right and duty considering I have no children to speak off. And you may be surprised to learn you’re not one of them," you shrugged at him, playing it cool at you exacted your sweet revenge in the best way you could. Politics, law and royal status. The three things used to beat you over the head with since you were old enough to understand your title. 

"Being passed over means being excluded for all succession rights. Yesterday the stupid little pauper, number six, hedge row herself, destroyed any chance of you ever wearing the crown, and I did it with a single fucking signature," you seethed, finally letting your anger show. The glimmers of rage peeking through your eyes to greet him.

"You’ve gone out of your way to punish this family, because of your stupid jealousy!" Colton added, beginning to grow a spine before your very eyes, even if it was just to kiss your eldest brother’s ass.

"I have done what’s best for my people. I am protecting them from this family’s greed. I have made sure none of you will ever, ever, be the ruler of this kingdom. Least of all you, Jasper," you bellowed, making Jasper stagger back a few steps. Everyone seemed shocked by your outrage. You bickered, yes, but never yelled. Not like that.

"And you'd be surprised to learn, Colton, that you are higher on the list than the rest, and even then, you’re not even tenth in line. And you, Jasper, are not even on the list," you added, managing to control yourself. You tipped your head to face Jasper once more.

"It’s funny, because yesterday you were threatening me- what was it again? Things are going to change? Well, they certainly are... If I were you, I'd start looking at the other royal property, because we will not be living under the same roof," you forewarned, making sure they understood there would be no more gravy train and palace hopping.

"You'll kick me out, sister?" Jasper hissed, locking his jaw in temper. His eyes flicking to Jace who stood dutifully by your side.

"Absolutely, I'll not have you living with me- none of you. If i had my way, you'd all be sent overseas. Trust me, it was this close to happening," you threatened, holding your fingers up together showing them how close exile was. And it wouldn't be completely uncalled for. They had each betrayed their kingdom for riches in some form or another. You had the right to kick them out.

"Is that what we can expect then?" Eleanor asked, standing herself looking more worried than the rest. She knew her fate was going to be an arranged marriage now that the throne had slipped through her fingers. At least with Jasper they had an understanding she would pick in the end. Her future was just as uncertain now.

"If you try to cross me? Yes, I will have you shipped off. But I'm not unkind, not like you. If you do your duties and stay out of trouble you'll be rewarded greatly. Or you can get out now; escape before my reign so to speak. I will leave you to think over your options. I do hope you remain here and choose to stay in the family. But if not, don't worry, I will manage without you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have important matters to attend," you smiled, smoothing your hands over your dress before turning and exiting the room with a triumphant grin.

💎💎💎

The wide lenses and huge cameras stared coolly at you. You stood straight, one hand placed delicately on the backrest of the large gilded wheelchair your uncle was in, the other at your side barely moving. The flashing made you feel dizzy, you'd been away for too long and almost forgot how blinding the lights were. The reporters all stood a respectful distance from you and your family, being polite in their requests trying to each get a perfect image of the rare gathering of all the royals.

And it was rare. Your uncle and father were in their official red royal military uniforms. You stood in a long plain half button up emerald day dress, a small black belt cinching your waist letting the fabric flow into a simple long skirt. Simple and regal, a small dainty necklace holding a single pearl on a thin chain, your fiery locks loose bar from the two strands pulled behind your head giving a clear view of your face. You were just off-centre in this gathering, flanking your uncle. Your father on his other side, then your sister sat beside you, ankles crossed demurely. Jasper was behind her, but on the far side trying to be as far from you as he could be. Both Finnegan and Colton stood on the other side of your father.

The image was strange, and everyone knew it. Jasper should be standing in your place, and you as a female should be sat on the right of Eleanor far from the monarch. There were murmurs along the small crowd, noting the change in position. In a way they already suspected something. Your uncle began to speak bringing a silence over the room instantly. You knew the cameras were recording.

"I thank you for your attendance today, your haste has been appreciated. I am well aware of... how my absence has been speculated upon." His voice carried through the room, cutting through the high pitch buzz on the equipment and flashing of cameras, still taking pictures as the meeting continued.

"As I’m sure you have realised by now, the gossip is true. I am ill, and at the end of my long life." He paused for a moment, twisting his head around making sure each journalist got a chance for one clear shot. He liked cooperating with them, it just made everyone’s life easier.

"And as such my duty has only truly just begun. You see my father taught me that a monarch can only be judged by his people and the state in which he leaves them in. If you pass and your kingdom is in peril you have failed as a ruler." He began getting more serious building to the finale. The reporters all looked to one another, shock grazing their features, each asking the same question.  Was he abdicating? Will there be a new monarch? And more importantly, who?

Your uncle didn't give them time to dwell on any more questions as his speech continued to flow with ease, he truly looked like a man having a huge burden lifted. He sat straighter, looked more and more relaxed as he relinquished the responsibility piece by piece. Though you could slowly feel its weight passing over to you.

"The same can be said for leaving your kingdom in the hands of lesser men. Corrupt men. You need to find someone to continue the good work. You have to leave knowing that your kingdom will flourish"

"And so, I have retreated in the past months to do just that. To prepare my successor for the path ahead. I wish to leave this kingdom knowing that this country, my country, that I have loved so dearly and tried to nurture, will remain peaceful and prosperous once I am gone. That my successor has a love, respect and understanding of their duty and what truly makes this nation great," he chuckled, grinning a genuine grin as his speech moved to his nation and what he had helped achieve in his reign.

"The people, the beating heart of this nation, deserve the best I can offer them. And so I have thought long and hard, spent many months on this decision," he said seriously, it was clear he wanted everyone to know he hadn't made this decision lightly. That he had deliberated over it for a long while, perhaps longer than you even realised.

"And I have decided that it is time for a new era. And I along with my brother are stepping away from the throne. And renouncing our claim to the crown, in favour of appointing a new monarch." He paused and tilted his head to you almost unnoticeable but you felt the shift, the small heads up that this was it. You drew a deep calm breath and breathed out between slightly parted lips, your hand squeezing the wood of his chair. ‘This was it, don't screw up’ was the tiny pep talk you managed to give yourself, swallowing the anxiety and fear to maintain your calm facade. This was your debut and it had to be regal and perfect.

"As my last act as king, I enacted the right of choice my forefathers have never had to use. Until now. I have rearranged my succession line for what is the best for this nation. I, Theoden Ephlyos, king of Sinvir and the Flint Isles, name my niece Odette Myrtle June Ephlyos, Queen of Sinvir and the Flint Isles. Ruler of the guard and kingdom. Head of our nation and government.  Gloria regalia, peace and understanding, forever may she reign."

💎💎💎

Suddenly there was a huge collective gasp and the cameras that had been slowly drifting to Jasper during the speech turned to you. Even your siblings were shocked. This was an announcement, no one had been aware your uncle would do that!?

Just like that, you were queen. Not yet crowned, but queen all the same. But it wasn't the king’s denouncement of the throne that had passed the mantle over. No, it was the fact that he had blessed you, sworn you into power with the sacred binding words.

Everyone seemed to burst into hushed whispers and began jotting down notes typing away at cell phones and tablets, clearly looking up anything they could about you.

"I would like to say a few words," you said as your uncle nudged you, prompting you to speak.

"I’m sure you have questions about my reign. About me. I’m fully aware of the fact that I have not been seen in the royal household. There is a reason for that," you began. Somehow years of coaching and lessons of public speaking flooded you and you were speaking calmly and evenly, despite being a nervous wreck inside and wanted nothing more than to run and hide.

"The decision of my queendom was made a while ago, my uncle has held off for as long as he could," you said, casting a glance to him, face dropping slightly. You were still saddened by the news of his impending death but were slowly accepting it. You also took the opportunity to glance at the speech clutched in your hand. The one you'd written and your uncle had tweaked to make sure everyone understood your ascension to the throne was non-negotiable. Which it was. As it turns out, both your uncle and father had been pulling strings for some time, preparing you for the role as queen without so much as whispering in your ear.

Over the last 24 hours you'd been told of the various decisions made for your future. They placed you in your particular university that was known to be unbiased about status. You genuinely had to work on your education, you wouldn't be gifted high grades because of who you were. The way they held back on money so you would have to work and earn a living, which had in turn forced you into the real world facing everything from taxes to shitty customers. The way they had allowed you to step away from the spotlight, so you wouldn't be recognized as easily or get special treatment.

Absolutely every normality in your life, every ounce of treasured privacy and personal experience was orchestrated in such a way to make you lead as much of a normal commoner life as you could. To make you experience triumph and failure, to understand every action had a consequence. All of this was done so once you were queen, you knew what needed reform and what didn't and had a real understanding of the everyday trials your people faced.

You faced the cameras head on once more, eyes staring through the lenses as if trying to see the wall behind it and smiled to the reporters waiting with baited breath.

"He wished for me to live my own life while I could. Before I answered to my calling, before I took the throne. But in my absence, I was not idle." You paused, taking a quick breath and smiling, trying to look past the cameras and people that made the room feel like a circus.

"If I am to rule, then I decided I would rule with first-hand knowledge of my country, and its people. So, I left the palace to do just that. I have lived among you, worked and studied among normal people and shunned the palace as much as I could. I wanted to see the truth of our country, see what was working and what was not." Your words echoed in your head, the truth of them making your heart beat faster, you truly felt you will make a difference. You cast a quick glance to the reporters and gave a small shrug, a sad yet sincere smile grazing your lips.

"I know that many will say I am too young. I ask that you all give me the chance to prove that I am capable. I swear to you I do not take the throne lightly, nor will I abandon the lessons that you, the people, have taught me. And believe me, you have taught me a great deal. Much more than any public relations advisor ever could." Honesty. That is what you wanted, honesty and trust, respect was earned and you were determined to earn it. Your speech was almost at an end, with any luck you'd manage the rest of it without an issue or swear word.

"I see my reign as an opportunity, an opportunity to bring this country forward. Without leaving anyone behind. Because a country that abandons a single person in it, is not a successful one. And a queen that does not listen to her people is no queen at all, she is a trinket. I refuse to be a trinket." You paused, faltering slightly and glanced at your hand quickly scanning the small parchment with bullet points hidden behind the chair before grinning once more.

"You have my word I will rule fairly, I will protect our interests- not just as a nation but our culture and way of life. I will work tirelessly to see that we are all cared for and have a country and infrastructure that we can be proud of. This rule will be different, but it is time for change. I pray that in time our change will inspire others to follow. I would like to be a modern monarch who remains in touch with her subjects and that is what I aim to be. Thank you." You drew a final deep breath eyeing the cameras, fist clutching the small hand written speech in your hand behind your uncle, the ink running from the sweat staining your hand.

You were surprised when everyone bowed low, looking to you. You even heard the shuffle of your brothers bow from beside you. Then they all rose before taking a few more pictures. You were a little lost, unsure what to do in that moment. Luckily your uncle knew and gave you another little push.

"Firefly, you leave first, no one else can until you have. Not even me. Remember you’re the queen now," your uncle whispered discreetly, pulling your hand to his lips pressing a kiss to it. You cursed inwardly. Oh yeah, you forgot about that. You stepped back tipping your head quickly before gliding across the room hands clenched as your body trembled. The double doors of the exit were opened by two guards and closed behind you with a soft click.

💎💎💎

You drew a deep breath and swore under your breath stamping a single foot. Only to gasp hearing a chuckle from beside you.

"Well then, majesty, what now?" You turned sharply almost falling off your heels. But you were caught by Jace, the taller man managing to save your ankles. Jace steadied you before nodding to the shoes.

"Vinny?! What the hell?" you hissed, placing a hand on Jace as you slipped off the shoes hissing lightly as your stocking clad feet smoothed out over the cool marble. Vinny moved closer and gave an over exaggerated bow making you bat at him playfully. But he just grasped your heels from you and gave you a one-armed hug.

"Jace thought you might need a friend after today," he spoke finally with a small grin as you clutched at him tightly holding him for dear life.

"I’m glad you’re here," you mumbled into him, tucking your face into his shoulder. He was family, the brother you'd always rely on.

"How was it?" he asked, pulling back from you, slinging an arm over your shoulder before aimlessly wandering down the hall slowly.

"Scary, terrifying and I almost forgot my speech-" you began rambling, shrugging. But he laughed shaking his head.

"Not that, the others! Come on, how did they react! Give me the tea! Did Jasper cry? Please tell me he cried!" your friend gushed, wanting to hear of the real behind the scenes story.

"Oh... no, he didn't surprisingly."

"Your majesty, perhaps you would like to take lunch with, master Vincent?" For a moment you didn't even realise Jace was talking to you. When you did, you flushed and stuttered, embarrassed over not realising you were being spoken to. But Vinny huffed, chiming in saving you some face.

"Haha no, not master, quite the opposite actually. But if you’re into that, we can always-"

"I’m well aware of... your insinuation. I’m happy to hear of your eagerness, Vincent. It's always good to know one's place, especially when I am involved.  And trust me, I intend to be deeply involved." You burst out laughing, full on belly laugh, as Vinny paled and stuttered. Your friend always did have a little crush on Jace. And apparently Jace was taken by Vinny too. When the hell had that happened?!

"Oh my god Jace, I think you broke him... is he drooling? Look what you made him do," you grunted, sparing Jace a glance. He was smug as you'd ever seen him, eyes locked onto Vinny who was avoiding looking up at the older male at all costs.

"I apologise, I'll be sure to keep a very close watch over him and his secretions.  Now, may I suggest a private lunch in the south wing?" Jace teased, quickly taking your shoes from Vinny making him yelp. And then he motioned you both towards the south wing, the quietest of all wings.

"Yes, with wine... lots of wine, good wine. Strong wine. Come along Vinny, let’s go before you leave a puddle," you added, and began walking ahead of Jace. Linking arms with Vinny dragging him away from his own embarrassment with the slightest of teasing.

"I'll be sure to alert the maids of his moist nature," Jace added, throwing his own two cents in. You rolled your eyes at him. Jace was a bit of a sadistic sod, and you got the feeling now that you were the top dog, he wouldn't be hiding his sexuality anymore. It couldn't be used to sack him. Only you could remove him from your side, and that was something you'd never do, you trusted him.

"Jace, for the love of god, leave him alone, poor baby. Come on, it’s okay, let’s just walk," you encouraged Vinny, who whined and ducked down feeling more and more embarrassed, whispering in your ear asking if Jace was looking at his ass. You flicked your eyes to Jace who was indeed eyeing Vinny’s butt. Well, looks like this was going to be fun.

💎💎💎

You hated mirrors. Especially these tall gaudy ones. Ostentatious gilding and ridiculously wide. Wide enough to fit this poofy dress. You halted your belly aching, twisting on itself, whilst you stared at the dress in the mirror. The servants had left you to yourself, bowing and curtsying low before leaving in tittering giggles. You couldn't blame them, they were excited. Everyone was. Everyone apart from you.

You eyed yourself in the reflective glass. Pristine. Elegant. Perfect. Just as planned. The dress was beautiful: a large modest ball gown, in a light off-gold champagne colour, smothered in delicate embroidery. Flowers and fleur-de-lis-like symbols decorating it in a deep gold with crystals and pearls dotted across it. Somehow it looked both modern and ancient. Traditional and new.

There she was. The new you. The symbol of a new era. You eyed the stranger in the mirror. Appraising her. A young queen, dragged out of university to be sat on a throne.

You drew in a deep breath, then twisted on your feet causing the gown to sway, you slumped looking away. Today was the coronation. Your coronation, something that had been planned without your knowing. Somehow your uncle, the king, had known you'd accept the throne and his retirement.

One week. It had been one week since you'd entered the palace. One week since you were a lowly unassuming princess that was overshadowed by your four older siblings. One week since you had been in the classroom studying history; and now you were making it.

This was the first time in history that the sixth in line was taking the crown. The first time in Sinvirian history that a king was using their right of selection, bypassing the line of birth succession and choosing his heir.

It was terrifying, as the world outside rejoiced at their new young queen, readying themselves for a few days of celebrations, you were here quivering, staring at the girl in the mirror willing yourself to disappear into the marble below your feet. You wished you had more time, but no. Things were dire and this needed to happen now, you needed to be on the throne before anyone could dispute it.

Before your brother could try to dispute it. That slimy bastard would do anything to get his butt on the throne and godawful head under a crown. Luckily your uncle had a cunning head on his shoulders and was handing the crown to you whilst he was still alive, even if he was going to be rolled down the aisle in a fancy ass wheelchair to do it.

Not only was becoming queen a huge responsibility, especially being one of the few absolute monarchies in the world. But it had also painted a target on your back, your own family now hated you. Siblings that had spent their lives believing they would rule next, now conspired against you; either hissing venom in your ear, or trying to coax you into filling their coppers... willing you to be their cash cow or puppet.

But they had a lot to learn. Your siblings may have written you off years ago, but now? Now it was time to rule, time to show them you were no child and you won’t take any shit. Now it was time to begin your reign.

💎💎💎

It didn't take long for your family to try and ruin you. Mere minutes before you had to leave the palace for the abbey, Jasper had begun his tantrum. Luckily you were in the quiet private wing of the palace and other visiting royals shouldn't hear you. You slumped into the seat behind you trying to hold in the frustrated tears.

Things had fallen apart quickly for your brother. After the announcement, all his little friends had come out of the woodwork telling all the sordid secrets of his less than legal plans. Each of his allies had tried to get in your good graces by throwing your brother to the wolves.

And in his rage he had just thrown a fit, refusing his role in your coronation. He was bribing you, holding a traditional right hostage at the last minute for money, titles and houses! He’d left to give you time to 'think of your options, there’s not many that won’t leave you looking a fool.’

It made you so furious. You were above him! Being crowned should mean you were free! He shouldn't have this hold over you, you were no puppet. A life time of refusing all of these games only to come back and be thrust right back into all the political games and vindictiveness of your own family.

You rose from your seat once more, willing yourself not to cry and ruin your make up. You had no time for touch ups. Instead, you settled for an angered yell and kicking the table beside you knocking one of the vases to the floor with a loud smash.

You heaved deep breathes and blinked. The rush of anger left you as the water from the vase, seemingly dousing the flames of rage. You looked to the flowers, porcelain and water now on the floor.

"Oh shit," you cursed, moving to clean up the mess cautiously, trying to collect the flowers without cutting yourself or getting this ridiculously poofy dress wet.

"That’s it, just throw a fit like Jasper! Break the vase, ruin your dress! That’s how a fucking queen behaves," you hissed, berating yourself as you looked around for something to cover the shards and water with, not wanting anyone to hurt themselves. 

"I’m sure the vase had it coming." You swore again, yelping and jerking back, almost falling into the shattered porcelain. Hands flying around trying to hold something to stop your fall.

A strong hand quickly grasped yours, smothering it in warmth, a soft thumb slowly drawing back and forth on your hand soothing you. You followed the arm, eyeing the black fabric that strained against the man’s strong frame. You gasped as you saw the familiar face you'd never expect to see in the palace walls again.

"You? Prince Napoleon Solo? Grand duke of Valena from Teilaan," you said, surprized to see him here. He was once stuck to your brother’s hip. Jasper and he had been close friends with only two years separating them, then Jasper did what Jasper does best and tried to swindle him. Solo had been one of the few to slap him down a few pegs. You never really understood what had happened but what you did know is it was something to do with fake art, heirloom jewellery and millions of Pounds.

You appraised him carefully as he stepped back offering his other hand puling you to your full hight and coaxing you away from the mess you created. God, he had aged well. Extremely well.  You gasped forgetting the way protocol had changed and for a second felt like the princess you once were and quickly dipped into a bow making him rush forward with a yelp, catching the not yet secure tiara as it tried to tumble from your head.

"Careful, I presume that will be hard to replace on such short notice," he quipped, hands helping to hold the small tiara in place. You smiled and cupped the jewel, then moved to the small table where two hair pins were, each one slipped through a discrete eyelet on the back that would help secure it to your head.

"Yes quite, thank you, Napoleon" you uttered quietly, somehow finding your voice and speaking to him without stuttering. Perhaps your light publicity tuition was paying off.

"Oh come now, Leon, please, we have known each other a long time, though last I saw you I do believe you had braces..." Napoleon smiled a cheeky smile and winked at you, relaxing his shoulders and moved a hand to your arm patting it gently. Before wagging a finger in the air and begun retelling the last time he saw you.

"If I remember correctly, Colton had pushed you face first into Walter and your brace got stuck in the threads of his blazer and you had to be snipped free with scissors."

"Oh god, I hoped you had forgotten about that," you muttered, flushing at the embarrassing memory. Being bullied by your siblings in front of neighbouring royals was something you wished not the relive. But then again what had changed? Was Jasper not picking on you now? Trying to coerce you into doing his bidding or else.

Napoleon laughed out loud shaking his head and spun with you and motioned to the seat you had been sulking on mere moments again

"May I?" he motioned, asking to take a seat in your presence you nodded and slowly followed, delicately sitting down beside him on the other seat. He helped with your dress, lifting it slightly so none of the water dampened the hem.

"There isn't a chance in hell I’d ever forget that particular visit. It was the first time I'd seen you as the famed fiery red head in action, you beat the hell out of Colton, taking down three guards in the chase. Even August struggled pulling you off of him... you cracked his rib you know?" He laughed at the memory of his own brother being bested by an enraged pre-teen.

"Oh my? I didn't! Did I?" you gasped, eyes panicked. If you were honest, you don't remember who it was trying to pull you from your brother, you were far more interested in exacting revenge.

"Indeed, you did, apparently you kick like a horse. He sulked for quite some time; he couldn't play polo. And it didn't help we gave him a hard time over it, after all you were twelve? Thirteen?" he elaborated with small chuckles, remembering the way you'd managed to bloody Colton’s nose before finally being subdued.

"I apologise for intruding; I couldn't help overhear Jasper’s... tantrum. I wanted to make sure everything was alright. I presume he is not taking this well." The silence was broken by Leon, he almost sounded apologetic. You eyed him for a second debating whether he was being sincere or just looking for gossip. But then again if anyone knew your brother it was Leon. So maybe venting to him isn’t a bad thing, he would understand.

"No, he is extremely angry as you can imagine. He wanted to be king and it will never happen, all his 'loyal followers' are now flocking to me- not that I give them the time of day; they are all soo-" you stopped yourself short, realising you were about to get yourself all twisted again. The embers of your fury igniting once more and the worry of your current dilemma rising again.  You swallowed your panic and smile sadly to the prince across from you.

"I’m sorry, you don't need me to rant," you offered regally, trying to play your part elegantly, if only for today.

"Even a queen needs to let off steam. There are few who will listen, but I intend on being one of them," Leon said lightly, quiet and understanding. Trying to offer you some support and let you be human if only for five minutes. The crown was an identity in itself, all royals understood that. It almost seemed unfair to place such a burden on you.

"So, what was the princeling’s hissy fit over this time?" he asked, giving you no time to think of an excuse to leave. You sighed, pausing for a moment before retelling the predicament you were now in. It couldn't hurt to have a second opinion, could it?

"He is angry someone- and I have a few guesses who, has let it slip that he will not be taking a seat among my advisers, nor will he be given and I have a few guesses who, has let it slip that he will not be taking a seat among my advisers, nor will he be given any political position. If anything, his duties have to be reduced," you said tersely, glaring at the flowers on the table beside you. There was a hissing sting to your words, recounting the measures taken to shield your brother from his own fuck ups.

"So, he is now a professional ribbon cutter?" Leon offered, trying to make light of the situation and poke a bit of fun at Jasper. You flicked your eyes back to him.

"Well, that’s if I can trust him with big boy scissors," you scoffed along with the prince, who only laughed louder striking the table lightly in his laughter.

"Well, that is a big if, isn't it?" he teased, leaning forward, eyes twinkling with mirth. It would seem Leon was pleased with Jasper’s outcome. And you couldn't blame him in the slightest.

"Yes, quite. I have no choice but to reprimand him. As I'm sure you read, word got out about all his... misdeeds; his allies all selling their stories to try and prove loyalty to me,” you huffed, feeling somewhat guilty for your brother’s position but he had no one to blame but himself. Had he tried to be a good person he would still be the heir. Not you. He bit off his nose to spite his face, yet he will always blame you.

"Because selling secrets is a perfect way to become trusted?" Leon teased, offering some much-needed sarcasm. Something that you found lacking in the palace.

"Yes, apparently," you scoffed, chuckling along with him before deflating somewhat.

"He doesn't seem to understand the position he has put me in. I have no choice but to remove him from public office. He is a stain on our name! Tarnished his own reputation- he is a crook!" you growled, feeling powerless in your new position of power. It was a cruel irony. To have the authority but not the means of confidence to use it.  If you had your way, Jasper would already be across country, alone. But your uncle and father thought it would be good to show a united front. Offering Jasper a place in the coronation was meant to send a message, that everything was smelling of roses and the family was fine, there were no feuds.

"I know that, trust me," Leon added with a dark look. You drew a deep breath, how? How could he be so breathtaking even when his face was clouded by frustration? It seemed completely unfair. You waved your hand trying bat off any untoward feelings, you were enjoying speaking to him. His presence was calming, he had managed to get you to relax and be honest, something you'd missed over the past week. Everyone saw a title now, Leon didn't it was nice.  The normality, you remembered now why you craved it so much before. Royals were things, not people.

"Yes, well. In retaliation, he refused his role in the coronation last minute- the right of passing," you finally uttered, spouting your dilemma. Leon’s face twisted into anger, his mouth hung slack and brows furrowed.  He seemed furious.

"What? He-?! After everything, that slimy little bastard is trying to beat you into submission. Even on your coronation? Being handed over to the people and forgoing your right as a private citizen is one of the biggest responsibilities; surely he knows this!" he fumed, and leant back in his seat smoothing his hands over his face before leaning forward once more, gobsmacked that a tradition would be used as a weapon against you.

"Yes, he was presenting me to the people as a gesture of good faith on the crown’s part. Now I have no one, unless I reinstate him with more authority and up his allowance! He wants the Summer Palace!" you admonished, venting to the foreign prince your anxiety and panic thickening your voice, making you tremble.

"Can you believe that? Holding a sacred right hostage because he wants more pocket money and toy soldiers." Your strained words verged on being tearful. You wanted to scream and cry and beat your brother to a pulp. But you weren’t surprized. Jasper will do and say anything to be top dog.

"Oh yes I do, he is a snake, however... You should know, no one can make you commit to anything without your consent," he added, scooting forward to grasp your hand sweetly, breaking you from your defeated thoughts and the silly notions of just giving in for a quiet life. But you loved the Summer Palace, you were planning on taking residency there yourself. It was the cosiest of royal palaces. It was the only one you could honestly see yourself make a home in.

"I don't have much of a choice," you added, standing slowly, removing your hands from his. But Leon followed, rising with you and grasping your hand once more making you freeze a moment, looking up to him. He smiled down at you almost adoringly. As if he were trying to commit your face to memory, taking snapshots of you in real time.

"You do have a choice; you have many allies. They are just waiting in the wings for the scavengers to grow tired and leave," he uttered, slowly tipping his head down to you, quirking a smile before stepping to your side offering his arm to you.

"I've got nothing but respect for you, and so have many others... a lot of neighbouring royals know exactly why you are taking the throne. We welcome it. My own brother jumped for joy when he realised you were to be his new neighbouring ally... He enquires about Eleanor too, now that she is not being considered queen," his words were precise, as he slowly began ushering you out of the royal wing. You didn’t know how he'd gotten so deep in the royal quarters unhindered, but you were grateful.

"Now wouldn't that be a pair? Eleanor and Walter," you teased, perhaps Walter would be good for her? That was she'd be a queen, have her dream realised. And Walter wasn't an unsightly man. He was very handsome. But a small part of you bristled at the idea of your serpent-like sister slithering her way onto a throne. She doesn't deserve it.

"Oh no, no... not Walter. Walter is quite happy with his own woman- it's serious this time... no. Walter wishes to have her matched with our little cousin, Humphrey." You burst out laughing. Now that would be a poetic justice!

"You’re kidding?! The little strawberry blonde?" you asked, making sure you had the right person in mind. Leon nodded as he turned the corner and helped you down the stairs gracefully, taking care to keep your mind off of your nerves.

"Well, little is a relative term. After all, he is older than you and shot up considerably, a twiggy lumberjack," he sniggered, the nickname for his cousin making him smile. They did like to poke fun at him, the spoiled kid that became a rather vicious adult. Though as bad as Humphrey was, your own siblings were worse.

"Gosh, I remember him. Jasper used to tease me, saying he was by betrothed- I'd cry something fierce! You’re sure Walter would like that match?" you uttered, an air of panic to your voice. You’re sure he has his merits, but he was not one you'd ever really liked. He was just not for you.

You slowly waltzed down the halls, Leon guiding you sweetly. Your nerves climbed somewhat as you glided towards the entrance of the palace. The roar of the crowd outside sounding like the rush of the sea, an overwhelming sound. They were there to see you, and it wasn’t a comfort. It terrified you.

You paused half way, the landing on the staircase looked out onto the courtyard. The carriage of white gold and ash wood glistening. The silver-coloured horses Sinvir was famous for in two neat lines before it. The ocean of people held back by the royal guards and tv crews all lined the gates.

Leon noticed you growing pale, a light tremble to your hands and a nervous gulp. You truly were frightened of this, not the crown but the public. Opinions and gossip. He could empathise, he too experienced the rather nasty bite an unkind photo could deliver. He quickly gave a light tug pulling you from the window and continued down the stairs, patting your hand lightly trying to give you a small boost in confidence.

"I swear, Walter wants Humphrey to have a mature woman, lest we have to deal with his haughty attitude and demands of a match any longer. And he is agreeable, he has been sweet on her for some time. I think he has held out for her," Leon rambled slightly, trying his best to distract you. You knew what he was doing and were thankful for it.

"Yes, out of your brothers, it's just you and Dominic [WG1] left, is it not? Even Mikey is married now?" you asked, letting him distract you as he reached the bottom of the stairs feeling much safer with him than without.

"You seem shocked?" He quipped, stopping before the doors that would lead you out into the hectic public halls of the palace, teaming with maids and guards.

"Of course I am, August is married," you shrugged laughing, slowly untucking your arm from his and managing to stand facing him.

"That is a fair point, your majesty, August is with Freya- that was a surprize," he added, still willing the conversation to continue. He had waited a long time to get you alone and speak with you. He didn't want it to end, especially when he knew his departure would leave you alone and uneasy. He had lied about hearing Jasper. He hadn't, he'd only seen him storming out of the royal wing looking far too pleased with himself to mean anything good. And so, without a thought, Leon had begun looking for you, finding you only moments later in the hall upstairs.

"August used to terrify me when I was younger. He asked me to dance once and I swear it took everything not to faint from fright!" you giggled, for a few moments during your dance with August you'd been scared stiff, terrified he was going to inquire after you. God knows you'd have died on the spot if he'd made any mention of marriage and matches.

"You’re not the first woman to say that. Freya however stomped his foot at their first meeting and called him a 'broomer' instead of boomer on account of his kingstache. He said that’s how he knew she was the one and pursued her fiercely, breaking all tradition," Leon added, making you chuckle again, the idea of anyone making fun of August was both amusing and frightening.

"Just like you can today if you so wished. You are in a unique position, writing history. So, forgoing a tradition will just make for more exciting history lessons for future generations." You paused, snapping your head up to Leon again, this time frowning before shaking your head with a sigh and shrugging looming to the floor.

"I doubt I'll be remembered," you offered quickly, already putting yourself down, but Leon tutted and inched closer, tipping your chin up making you look him in the eye. You flushed, for some reason it felt, intimate? That he wasn't looking at you but actually seeing you. Seeing into your soul.

"I wouldn't be so sure. I have a feeling you will transform this country. All you have to remember is that we are treated how we allow people to treat us," he stated as a matter of fact, making it sound so simple. It wasn’t! Was it? If anyone would know it would be him... was that the secret to his publicised yet private life? You decide how you’re treated? Don't leave it up to anyone else to make decisions for you?

"I know I’m young. They want me to fail! And yet still be queen! To be a perfect puppet to manipulate, they think I do not see it! That I will be compliant in everything they plan," you snapped, before huffing and giving him an apologetic look. It wasn’t his fault and he was trying to help. You made to apologise to him but he hushed you with a softly spoken 'I know, it’s alright'.

💎💎💎

A strange comforting silence hung over you both for a few moments, Leon’s hands moved to your shoulders lightly grasping them, flexing his strong fingers, molding his hands around you in a gentle warmth.

"Please allow me to... Impart some wisdom, one realistic royal to another? These people of court do not know you. They did not bother to know you because of you were not useful, neither first or second inline for the throne," he began telling you something you already knew, but for some reason having him say it out loud, acknowledging it made your heart feel lighter. He understood your position, more than most. He was almost king himself: when August refused the position, Leon was almost king. Luckily Walter stepped in for his big brother and asked to take over. Leon abdicated along with August.

"You were never meant to be here. And the simple fact that you are here? That frightens them. You are a mystery to them, something they can never own or control.  A monarch that has not been groomed to fit their needs," he continued, slowly trying to help you through something he himself endured. The difference was he was second in line, he had some training and a long run up to the shit storm. You did not.

"You have seen reality, lived among your subjects as one of them. You’re not a part of their elite club and it unsettles them, and I do believe that is why your uncle and father chose you." You paused now, that wasn’t something you'd thought about.

"They fear me?" you muttered under your breath, eyes growing wide at the realisation. Leon smiled at you, his face lighting up as you understood his rambling.

"Yes. They are terrified of you. You are a dark horse, your highness, they don't understand you. And my advice is to keep it that way: a mystery has no weaknesses because she is just that, a mystery," he hummed, grinning down at you with a sweet gaze. He seemed to be so happy and hopeful for you, he was rooting for you. It was almost like he wanted to protect you, he wanted to be your white knight. And honestly you didn't mind.

"....And was that something a great king of my lineage said?" you grinned at him, teasing him, trying not to let him see just how much his words had touched you, and how much he had made you think about your situation.

He stepped back from you with a smirk, one hand dropping to his pocket, the other wagging his finger pointing at you, laughing playfully. You smiled too; his laugh was contagious. He seemed so relaxed and self-assured.

"No, just me. Surprizing, isn’t it?" he chuckled, winking at you. Before he could even add another quip, he was interrupted by the bells of the clock. Midday. You were late.

You watched as his face dropped, his time was up. He sighed before taking a few steps backwards from you. His job was done, he had given you a reprieve and now you had to endure the rest of this circus alone.

"May I be the first to congratulate you on the day of your coronation... Gloria regalia, forever may you reign, your majesty" he spoke quietly, dropping down before you, bending into a perfectly regal bow. And with that he took another step backwards from you as he rose. And then he was gone, slipping thought the large doors behind him with one last longing glance.

 💎💎💎

"Highness? Napo...shit! Leon?!" You weren’t aware of your feet carrying you, didn't register opening the door or sliding through, dragging your skirt through the opening. You didn't think of anything other than chasing after the only person that had helped ease your nerves today.

 You froze as you entered the foyer. Maids, guards and servants all stopping at you called out for Napoleon. He stopped mid-step and spun to face you. He was shocked and watched as you faltered. Stopping your approach, eyeing the others in the room. Each one eyeing you, getting their fill of the new monarch.

"Yes, your majesty?" Leon hummed, quickly stepping closer to you, one hand hovering closer, standing tall and shielding you from view before you got upset.

You tried peeking around him nervously but he moved with you, leaning and hiding you as you fiddled with your fingers anxiously. Finally, you looked at him lost.

"I... I do not have anyone to... Walk with me to the abbey or into it..." you said softly, trembling under the weight of your question. You weren’t sure if this would work.

 "I thought you would forsake tradition," he hummed, leaning closer tipping his head to you listening carefully, yet his eye continued to concentrate on you. You drew a shaky breath, taking a second to close your eyes and drew some much-needed courage.

"No, I? I don't want to be the first queen in our history not guided and have my passover. Nor do I want to let Jasper make me look a fool. He won’t ruin this for me. He shouldn't have a hold over me, if he gets his way today it will spell disaster, I will always know he outdid me on my own coronation," you said, trying to make a point. Hell, you were trying to find the point! You moved a hand to him, lightly clutching his arm.

"I'd ask my father and uncle but they are part of my coronation, they cannot... I ask if you would be so kind? You are the kindest face here so far and... I would feel better having someone I trust when I go in there. I'm scared, I don't want to fall," you asked pleading with him, praying you weren’t being foolish in seeking him out.

He stood full hight once more before sending you a sad smile. Only to shake it off and beam at you. Pressing a single hand to his heart.

"I would be honoured, your majesty. And I will not let you fall; you have my word." You could have cried in relief. You felt as if he'd just lifted the entire weight of the world off of your shoulders.

"Th-thank you," you uttered, feeling the way your lower lip wobbled and your voice was strained. He moved closer, hiding more of you from prying eyes, and spoke calmly to you.

"Hush, do not cry please- all will be well, you'll see. Once you are crowned, you can do as you please with those that see to harm you. Whether they are blood or not. You just have to get through today." You nodded, feeling him somehow ignite you, he filled you up with confidence.  For the first time today, you felt you could do this.

"Now take a breather, just a few deep breaths. If you’ll excuse me, I must visit the men’s room quickly, but I shall be back in a moment." Leon had barely made it through the door to the left, when you heard another set of footsteps, haughty and fast. You just knew who they belonged to.

 "Oh, there you are. I was looking everywhere for you, now is not the time to be fashionably late!" His words bit into you, snappy and clearly still irritated at having to hunt you down.

"I’m here to guide you or whatever; but I expect my allowance upped and the Summer Palace! As agreed, sister," your brother hissed at you, not even caring that he just snarled at you in front of some guards and servants. You could hear the whispers, feel the eyes staring, watching. Waiting with baited breath.

They were waiting to see what their new queen would do. Were you meek? Will you give in and be a pushover? Or will you rise, put your foot down and take charge like a true monarch, just as you'd said to Leon...You stumbled over your thoughts for a second and then.

"No." Your lips move with little thought. But as soon as you said it out loud you felt a change. You rose, standing straight, Napoleon’s words of encouragement echoing in your ear. You were the queen and you can do what you wish. You don't have to be pressured into anything anymore. Jasper held nothing over you, he no longer controlled anything about you, and he never will.

"What, you can’t-" You took a step closer to your brother. He will not make a fool of you. Not now, not ever again.

"I said no. And you do not tell me what I can and cannot do. I will do as I please, especially today of all days," your voice carried over the room and silence fell over everyone. They watched quietly without even glancing to one another. The many people in the room were fixated on you.

But you paid them no mind, instead continued scolding your brother. Taking one slow determined step after another towards him, making him back away, shock and anger etched on his face.

"You are not having a raise- you're not even getting half of what you usually get. And you most certainly are not having the Summer Palace to turn into funfair and a whore house."

"Don't be so stupid sister, you need me," he moved to bat you away and spun creating distance between you both, trying not to appear weak.

"No, I do not. As of today, you need me, your lifestyle depends on me and the money I allow you to spend. And blackmailing me on my coronation is a very stupid move, brother. Now remove yourself before I see to it you’re escorted to your rooms to pack your things, instead of coming to my coronation," you bellowed, having to bite your tongue as more stern words tried to follow.

"What, you’re going to go alone? You're willing to stumble into the crown? But then again, you already have! I will have my demands met or I'll-" For a moment you faltered, as he strode up to you quickly hands raised as if to grab you but he was intercepted. A large frame barged its way between you and your brother. You thought it was Jacee before the man spoke. Leon.

"Excuse me, but that is not an appropriate tone to take with your queen. I insist that you correct yourself. And your hands, before I do so for you." You gasped as Leon rounded to you, glancing at you with concern, before offering his arm, still managing to place himself between you. You took his arm, squeezing it sending him a grateful look.

"What- what the fuck are you doing here?!"

"I’m escorting the queen for her passover. She requested and I couldn't say no to such an honour," Leon huffed, a sting to his words, his fury just grazing his statement. Then with a quick tilt of his head, he dismissed Jasper and gave you a reassuring smile.

"Your majesty, I am sorry. I should never have left you alone, but nature called.”

"That’s fine Napole- Leon, I was just informing Jasper that his car is waiting for him, that he will take your seat with your brothers for the ceremony," you explained quietly, nodding to Jasper. 

Jasper gawked and scoffed, stomping a foot and waving his hands around, gesturing to you both angrily. 

"What, no- I just told you I’m coming in the carriage to guide you-"

"No. You made perfectly clear that you would rather walk on hot coals than ever guide me to my throne... as you can see, I have replaced you," you said, moving to walk around him, holding Leon for dear life, trying not to flinch as you moved around your brother leaving him in the centre of the room alone.

"Replaced? You can’t do that!"

"I can do as I please. Because I am queen and I have no regent. And I’m sure father will be less thrilled with you, forgetting your place and throwing the kindness of involving you in such a high-profile event in my face. Believe me when I say the mistake of trusting you in such a pivotal role will not happen again," you called over your shoulder, still making your way to the entrance of the palace.

"You dare speak to me like that! I am your older brother and you will show me some fucking respect-" Jasper matched up behind you one hand raised to jerk you free from Leon, but your escort was ready. With little effort you were pulled from Jasper’s reach and Leon had grabbed his hand, twisting it until Jasper was yelping.

"She is your queen, I implore you to remember that before threatening her... treason still has a penalty; a woman scorned would be likely to use it," Leon growled, before releasing your brother’s hand with a hard shove sending him staggering back a few feet.

You couldn't help the fluttering in your tummy as Leon snarled, jumping in to protect you. But you could think about that later, right now you had to lay down the law with Jasper. You turned to him, pinning him with what you hoped was a firm stony face.

"Jasper. I am aware how difficult this is for you. But the fact of the matter is, this is my coronation. Not yours. I am being anointed.  Not you. And I am being crowned queen of this realm." You paused, letting him absorb your words, wanting them to linger in the air. His face pulled into a snarl, mouth opening to speak but you cut him off.

"You must accept it, sooner rather than later. Your tantrums will no longer be tolerated. Starting from now, you will show me the respect I deserve or you will leave for good as a private citizen and the royal purse strings will be cut." Your threat drew a chuckle from Leon who had hovered behind you, but you didn't break your gaze from Jasper, who seemed to find a new angered shade of red with each word.

"I have decided that you shall go ahead alone and take Napoleon’s seat in the abbey and I suggest you smile because the paparazzi will be watching, especially after the recent scandals that have come out... Now go, I believe there is a back seat waiting for you," you finished with a cold stare and amused smirk. Then you turned to one of the closest guards.

"Excuse me, guard? Could you please escort Jasper out? Have Leon’s car brough around the side gate for my brother. I expect him to be at the abbey before my arrival," you asked, unsure if he’d actually obey. But to your delight the green clad man nodded giving you a salute and bow before stepping over to Jasper, motioning for the once mighty prince to lead the way to the side guest entrance.

Just before you stepped up to the doors and wait for them to open and begin your coronation parade you tutted turning with a joyful smile. Calling out to your humiliated brother.

 "Oh and Jasper? Do become accustomed to being in the back seat, because after this whole sorry affair, that is your place from now on." And with that you turned facing forward with a huge grin.

"That was a nice touch, majesty," Leon added, stepping closer to you, letting you take his arm once more. You giggled girlishly up at him still facing forward. The sounds of the royal marching band began playing.

"Payback for a life time of threats of what my life will be once he is king. It felt pretty good..." you quipped, peering up at him with glee, you felt giddy, free and alive. For the first time, true freedom was within reach.

"Now there it is, that beautiful glistening smile... Shall we your, majesty?" he praised, his own face lighting up at you, making the fluttering in your tummy grow. But you managed to fight it. And turned to the doors nodding taking a deep breath. You were ready.

"Yes, let’s do this," you uttered, nodding to the doormen letting them open the great doors, a rush of air engulfed you as you stepped out into the light, the roaring crowd coming to life as you greeted them with a small regal wave and bright smile. Unbeknownst to you, Leon was watching, his entire face beaming as he took you in. Today was your day and he would be damned if anyone was going to ruin it.