#*glares at ineffable husbands*

[myfairstarlight]

hc that when aziraphale and crowley finally get their cottage in the south downs, their nearest neighbours will turn out to be madame tracy and shadwell

[magnusthepuppet]

god. gay people just really can’t run away together properly, can they?

[blackthorn-faerie]

Remember when “You’re My Best Friend” was playing on the record when Aziraphale’s bookshop was burning down? A headcannon of mine is that Aziraphale plays Queen in the bookshop because he associates it with Crowley’s driving: it’s terrifying. He’s trying to scare off customers.

[sherokutakari]

Look at you......You're Gorgeous

[emotionalsupportstrumpet]

!!!

OP I am obsessed with this panel 💖

GLOW book 2, pages 13-20

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Softly now - Good Omens

Summary: Your anxiety has been raging all day, one accident at home makes you snap.

Warnings: Anxiety, depression, panic attack, anxiety attack, angst, crying, blood/wound.

Pairing: Ineffable husbands x Human!reader.

Word count: 1,674.

To say today had been challenging was an understatement. Nothing particularly bad had happened. The mix of work and anxiety had me in a spiral, wanting to go home and curl up away from the world. After finishing my shift, I trudged home in the pouring rain, the sound of droplets on my hood keeping me grounded. I knew Crowley wouldn't have had any issue picking me up but it felt like a burden and my head was telling me he'd be annoyed if I asked. So I settled for the walk in the dingy weather.

Dodging puddles, I yanked my coat collar around my throat, shivering as raindrops trickled down my face, leaving tear-like streaks on my cheeks. Luckily the bag containing my laptop and books had been miracled by Aziraphale to stay waterproof and protected by any weather. Despite the calm look on my face, the bustle and noise of the streets had my eyes darting around. My heart thundered in my chest as the bookshop came into view, looking as beautiful as ever. I sped up, gasping as people barged into me in their rush.

With clenched, freezing hands, I shoved open the heavy wooden door and huffed out a sigh, slamming it behind me and locking out the world. My forehead reacted against the hardwood as I flipped the sign to 'closed'. I knew nobody would be in the shop, especially if Aziraphale had anything to do with it.

After a few minutes of unmoving silence, I wandered to the kitchen and flicked on the kettle. A good cup of tea made everything better. There was no sign of the angel or demon as I walked through our home so I settled for one cup. Moving around the familiar space, my mind zoned out and I was set on autopilot.

I jumped out of my head as the sound of shattering filled the room. Shards of delicate, precious china scattered over the floor the beautiful flower pattern ruined. Anger and irritation flooded through me as I glared at the mess. Tears gathered in my eyes as I rushed to clean it, guilt crawling up my spine.

With trembling hands, I gathered some of the shards together to throw them away whilst trying to ignore the feeling rising man my throat.

"Love, let me take that from you." I froze as the Angel's voice floated through the silence. I hadn't even noticed him arrive home. With a quick shake of my head, I walked to the bin to throw them away but flinched as a large shard sliced my palm.

"Oh Y/N, you've cut your hand now." He tutted, reprimanding my stubbornness but I couldn't look at him. Instead, I trudged to the sink, rinsing the gash with a hiss and wrapping it in a towel. A warm hand rested against my icy shoulder as I watched the blood run down the drain.

"Darling, you need to let us help you." Crowley followed not far behind the angel with a disapproving look on his slender face. I watched silently as he unwrapped the bloody towel and grabbed the first aid kit to clean it properly. By this point, Aziraphale had cleaned up the remainder of the cup and droplets of blood from the tiles.

"You should really be more careful Love," The angel stood making hot chocolate, concern painting his face. I nodded silently, biting back a sob as tears filled my eyes. My chest began to heave as the demon bandaged my palm.

Only when a tear splashed on his hand did he realise the streaks on my face and the heads of my breaths as my good hand clutched the countertop, knuckles turning white. I stared straight ahead at his jacket, frustrated with myself. I squeezed my eyes shut, begging the tears to stop but it only worsened as waves of anxiety and guilt crashed over me.

Crowley caught me by my elbows to steady me as the first sobs escaped, swaying as my senses erupted with overstimulation. With ringing ears, I tried to listen as he spoke but words seemed to bleed into each other.

The only clear sound was my wails and whimpers as I tried to breathe, the room closing on me. Embarrassment filled me as I clawed at Crowley's chest, pulling him as close as physically possible so I didn't feel like I was sinking. Slender fingers passed me to chubbier ones as the blur of beige of Aziraphale's jacket came into view.

"Softly now, Love," he whispered into my ear. My breath caught in my throat as I cried into his chest which I had all but fallen into. The hum of his voice vibrated through my body as his fingers traced patterns on my back, the other hand smoothing down my hair. I couldn't help but feel bad for cuddling him when he was warm and soft and I was cold and soaked but he didn't seem to mind.

Warmth flowed over me and I looked down to find myself in Crowley's black sweater and Aziraphale tartan pyjama pants. I hummed thanks to the angel as my sobs died down into silent tears and hiccups. I clenched my fingers into his waistcoat, knees trembling and head pounding with such ferocity that I felt nauseous.

"Now, Love, whatever managed to get you in this state?" His voice was gentle, ringing softly in my ear, the definition of angelic.

"Rough day is all." My voice was exhausted and small as I muttered against his chest.

"Did something happen, Darling?" I shook my head, taking note of the pissed-off tone in his voice. "You know I'll be the first to punish them if you need me to."

"Nothing happened, 'just been a bad day." I drew patterns on his chest. "All day I've had this niggling feeling in my chest and small things have built up and then when the cup smashed it was just the last straw." I trailed off, new tears dripping off my cheeks. "Didn't mean to break it Azira, just lost focus and-" His soft hushing cut me off as his fingers scratched gently at my scalp.

"You don't need to apologise, Love, as long as your okay." The relief that overtook my system was ridiculously strong and deep down I knew he wasn't really fussed about the cup but I needed to hear it. "It's just a cup. It is replaceable whereas you are not." I dismissed the flush on my cheeks as I pulled away from his chest, looking up at him. Sparkling blue eyes stared down at me with a soft smile as I rubbed my thumb over his cheek.

"Why don't we go and get comfortable whilst our angel finishes that drink, Darling?" I nodded, pressing a kiss to Aziraphale's cheek before taking Crowley's hand and following him to the bedroom.

Flinging his sunglasses on the bedside table, he sat on the edge of the bed. Serpent eyes looked up at me expectantly and though I tried to stop it, my bottom lip trembled. His arms stretched open for me and I fell into them with a cry of anguish.

His slender arms wrapped my legs around him so we were chest to chest, hands holding me tightly around him as I cried into his neck. My cry in the kitchen had been one Of pain, panic, anger and frustration at myself and the world. But this one was relief, pent-up emotion and overwhelming gratitude to my two celestials. I let myself into him, neither of us paying mind to my echoing wails or the tears that soaked his collar. Not even the way my cries shook both of our bodies.

Somehow, none of these things annoyed the demon who merely dismissed it for comforting me. Once I settled down, I lay boneless against him, head on his shoulder and body slouching whilst I caught my breath. I shifted my head to look up at him with puffy, tired eyes. My shaking hand rubbed his cheek, thumb grazing his cheekbone as he smiled down at me, letting his eyes flutter shut.

The shuffle of slippers at the door brought us back to reality but I didn't want to shift. Three steaming cups were placed on the nightstand before the bed dipped beside us.

"Feeling any better Darling?" The softness in the demon's voice caught me off guard for a second. I hummed out a yes, not having the energy for a better response, blinking tiredly as the world finally slowed down.

"Let's hop into bed whilst Crowley gets changed, Love." I nodded, crawling off his lap and flopping dramatically in the middle of the bed, beside a pyjama-clad angel. The fresh hot chocolate was placed in my hands once I sat up. I smiled as the heat seeped into my skin, sighing in delight as the sweet liquid ran down my throat. The two chuckled and Crowley climbed in beside me, gulping down his drink, mostly to appease Azira. The heat didn't bother him, it had no effect against hellfire.

A comfortable silence filled the room as we finished our drinks, basking in each other's company for a few moments. Rather quickly my eyes began to feel heavier. The cup was slipped from my grasp as I wiggled down under the covers, Crowley pressed reassuringly against my back.

"Hey Azira," I whispered, tapping his shoulder hesitantly. "Will you read to me?" The uncertainty dissipated immediately when he broke out in a smile and miracled a book with the flourish of his hand.

"It would be my pleasure, Love, do cuddle down and relax." The three of us got comfortable and I held Crowley's hand that draped over my waist as Aziraphale's voice floated to my ears, and the story began.

All three of us knew I wouldn't last long but he still happily read, knowing it would calm me and I might rest properly. And rightfully so, writhing minutes I had drifted off beside my two favourite beings.

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 2!

I'm so glad you all are as hyped about this idea as I am!! ^_^ So you know, I've been reading every Other Idea, every reblog, and I am going to use your input to inform my choices going forward. This is OUR fic, after all :)

//Edited to include title

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That FREAKING coffee. Your eyes narrow. Everyone is still in shock, no one has spoken yet. You use the hesitation to grab the coffee out of the Metatron's hands and chug it back all in one go. It's the perfect temperature for drinking. Because of course it is. You're vaguely aware of some sounds of protest from Metatron and Aziraphale, but they're monosyllabic, and don't need a response. That can wait till after you finish.

You pull the cup from your lips and exhale in an overly-dramatic fashion, and look at the Metatron. It tasted exactly like almond-flavoured coffee, and you still hate him. YUP. Good.

"I beg your pardon!" The Metatron gasps, his face glaring at you with fury behind his eyes. But, oh, you couldn't care less if you tried.

"Get. Out. Now," You say to him. Your eyes have figurative fire behind them, the rush of caffeine and adrenaline making you braver than you otherwise would be.

"Young person, have you any idea who you are ordering about? I think you'll find that you're of no authority to be making demands and that you would do best to see yourself out. Before you make any foolish mistakes," the Metatron's voice is cool like a spring creek, but you can hear the malice just below the surface; barely contained.

But here is the thing, my dear Reader, this is a self-insert fanfiction. And in this work of fiction you are brave and clever, and you have been grieving for everything this monster put our beloved Ineffable Husbands through for too long not to be very, very angry now that you have come face to face. And you are not about to let this go. Crowley and Aziraphale have spent so much time trying to defend the world, defend humans, defend those they don't even like! You'll be damned before you let them go undefended when you, yes you, with all your love for them and all your knowledge are standing right there. So defend them you shall. Someone has to. And right now no one else will.

"Do you," you begin after a moment, "have any idea who you are speaking to?"

For a moment, the Metatron looks taken aback. But only a moment, before his eyes grow cold again.

"I mean," you continue, "I just fell through the ceiling, and landed in front of you just as you were about to hand over that coffee. I don't know about you, but I can only think of one reason why that would have happened, and it has three letters."

In your peripheral vision you notice Muriel, counting on their fingers. Aziraphale chokes back a gasp. You can't see it right now, but you can FEEL Crowley's eyebrow from here. Metatron holds your gaze, not ready to give up just yet.

"If I were you, Metatron, I would pop on back to Heaven, and double-check a few things. Because, I mean, there must be a reason why I've been dropped here to interrupt you. Seems like your plan hasn't been...approved. Otherwise it would go forward as planned, yes?" Matching his arrogance is key here, and if you mess up, the consequences could be dire. You glance at your cuticles with an air of nonchalance. "Unless, of course, you presume to know better?" And to seal the deal, you raise your eyes in a sideways look that screams smug.

You've spent months reading meta analysis, character analysis, everything you can get your hands on about the final fifteen. You're pretty sure you have a solid enough grasp of the Metatron's character to pull this off. The main thing is to pretend you know what's actually going on, convince him that he doesn't, and buy some time.

Suddenly, your phone in your pocket buzzes four times, and your mouth tastes like salt. But, actually really pleasant salt. Like you just ate McDonald's french fries, or theatre popcorn. Something clicks into place in your mind.

"....Did you...just try to turn me into salt?"

Having spent months learning to read Michael Sheen's facial expressions, you see the Metatron's eyes shift through Surprise, then Curiosity, before landing on what you can only call Calculating.

So YUP for the salt. But apparently he can't touch you. Later, you tell yourself, we'll figure this out later. Get him out, and get him out now.

You take a step forward, herding him towards the door.

"It seems," you say to him, "That you have some things to clarify."

The Metatron huffs, and straightens his tie. "Indeed it does," he says, knives beneath the calm once again. "I shall return, Aziraphale, and when I do, I do hope we will have a chance to chat."

And so the Metatron leaves, as though it was his own idea. You follow him to the door. Oh, you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself. And honestly, I don't think you should. You call to him as he walks away.

"And be careful with those questions, Metatron! We all know how THAT ONE goes, don't we?" And with that you slam the door.

While you're apologizing (very quietly and lovingly) to the bookshop door, you hear Crowley behind you.

"Nnnyeah, I have no idea what's going on, but I like this one."

You pull out your phone. There are five heart icons. Four that are full, and one that is just an outline. Oh. OH.

"FUCK," you say to yourself.

Now you look up. You're shaking like a leaf, but lucky for you, there's still a metric ton of adrenaline running through your system, allowing you to realize that you need to figure out what comes next.

Vote on This One too please (I'm only able to do one poll per post, so bear with me).

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

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[avocado-writing]

Hey 👋🏻 i just finished rewatching both seasons of good omens 🥲 can i request an ineffable husbands x r with an established relationship? after a night out they go back to the bookshop and r is pissed drunk so aziraphale and crowley tries to help them get comfortable and get settled but r keeps saying “back off i have partners.” and things like that because they’re too drunk to recognize the two which amuses them both. i read something similar online and thought it would be funny with the husbands. thank you so much ❤️

notes: put this once again in tltdatsib, hope that's ok! also yall: anyway nightingale is drunk / me: YES lmfao

pairing: crowley x reader x aziraphale

rating: T

notes: excessive alcohol consumption; gn reader but one reference to them being a primadonna; tltdatsib-verse

You’re all quite drunk.

The three of you are all impartial to a glass of wine or six after a nice day. Usually you can hold your liquor quite well, but you underestimated the vintage, and now you’re absolutely off your face. Crowley and Aziraphale are happy to sober up the miraculous way, the alcohol returning to its bottle, but you absolutely despise it happening to you and they’d never do it without your permission. So there you are, head-lollingly, body-flailingly drunk on the sofa in the back of the bookshop.

“Come on love, let’s get you to bed,” Crowley says, attempting to heave you into his arms. You push him away and make a low noise in the back of his throat. 

“Did… did you just growl at me?” he asks, both delighted and bemused; torn between actually trying to help you or recording this on his phone so that he can tease you mercilessly tomorrow. 

"My love - " begins Aziraphale, but you glare at him the best you can while barely being able to hold your head up.

“Oi! Back ‘ff sunshine,” you say, holding your hand up and wiggling your fingers, “‘m married! My husbands—spousesssss—won’t be too happy ‘f you chat me up!”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchange a look. You’ve not been this drunk since the three of you were invited to the Diamond Dogs release party in the seventies. Your hangover had lasted a week. 

“Darling,” says Aziraphale with a patient sigh, “we’re your husbands… spouses… oh, look, it’s us!”

"No-oo-oo! Lies! Won't be taken in by handsome strangerssss!" you cry, a primadonna of a show only you can see. You try to launch yourself across the couch for safety but get your foot stuck between two seat cushions.

"'Handsome', eh?" Crowely asks, grinning very wide indeed.

"Yessss, handsome! Very! But 'm TAKEN."

Aziraphale sighs, both wanting this charade to be over and charmed that even when you're too blotto to recognise them, you still find your husbands attractive.

"Look, let me show you proof, darling."

You squint, suspiciously. 

“Eh?”

Aziraphale reaches into his coat pocket to bring out his wallet. It has no cards or cash, nothing that one would actually need a wallet for - but he keeps it for one very particular reason. 

He flips open the leather and holds it out for you to inspect. It has a photo in it: a polaroid, taken for you by a kind passerby on the day of your wedding. It’s of the three of you, arms around each other, all smiling the widest in any photo where you are the subjects. You take it from his hands, scrutinise it, then cringe.

“Oh god, ‘m ‘n idiot…”

You collapse back into the sofa, letting your arm remain in its place so Aziraphale can take the precious wallet back safely. 

"It's alright nightingale. You're just a bit tipsy is all, my love."

"You're so kind to me even when 'm bein' silly..."

"For better for worse. For drunker, for sober...er," Crowley reasons.

“Should go t’ sleep…” you mutter, and before they can help you up, you turn over to face the pile of pillows and immediately make good on that threat. They cover you with a blanket, and Crowley does tease you the next morning.

-

@angiestopit @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster @lxsm2 @clarina04 @wtfhasmy-lifecometo @mrgatotortuga @wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke @kimqueenofhell @chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t @am-i-obsessed---maybe @bakerstreethound

[suzypfonne]

If Crowley recited those lines of R&J to Aziraphale, you can bet the angel would DEVOUR HIM. Immediately. Crowley would be the Ox Ribs so completely he'd be at risk of discorporation.

Holy Palmers Kiss

Throughout their history together, the romance between Aziraphale and Crowley has mostly been expressed through incredibly subtle ways. It's been centuries (if not millennia) of nothing more obvious than a surreptitious brushing of hands or yearning looks when they think no one is watching. And of course, when they have plenty of deniability.

Good work, Aziraphale... hand on the chest of the Thin Dark Duke, and if anyone asked, you were just making sure that young lady didn't get bumped.

And this is for a very good reason. It quite literally isn't safe for them to be openly romantic with one another, even now. Demons like Hastur and Shax are constantly popping up... Michael and Uriel are always watching... eyes are everywhere.

They have certainly gotten closer to being open in the years that separate the two seasons. Crawley sprawls all over that bookshop like he has a personal vendetta against chairs - removes his glasses as soon as he steps foot inside (which is an incredibly coded action that I would love to take a more in depth look at in the future) - gives up the keys to the Bently... And Aziraphale himself has those longing looks - calls him up to talk enough that Crowley knows his "tones of voice" - and then, we get The Ball.

Technically, The Ball is for Nina and Maggie... or at least that's what Aziraphale says. We get the lovely little moment in the pub where he and Crowley try to come up with the best ways to get humans to fall in love with each other. But the moment Aziraphale mentions Jane Austen having characters dancing with each other and realizing how in love they were, I think at least for him the focus changes to this... THE BALL IS FOR CROWLEY. And once he starts giving away books to make sure the ball will be perfect, there can be no question. The entire idea is a way for him to be able to dance with Crowley.

That's why, for me, the most romantic moment in all of Good Omens, at least from Aziraphale's point of view, is this moment right here.

Vavoom! Sorted! Look at the way Crowley even curls his fingers around Aziraphale's hand! This is peak Aziraphale romance as a fan of Jane Austen.

But he's also a fan of Shakespeare. Even the gloomy ones. And every time I watch this scene, I'm reminded of a different ball from one of the gloomy plays that Crowley would hate and Aziraphale would swoon over. Romeo and Juliet. A fitting parallel to an angel and a demon being in love.

In Romeo and Juliet, at the end of the first act, is another ball. Romeo tries to get Juliet to kiss him, and she turns him down with this...

"For saints have hands that pilgrim's hands do touch/ And palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss"

There's quite the back and forth here between Juliet and her Romeo about hands and lips and such, (and eventually Romeo gets his way) but the parallel for Aziraphale in this exchange is unmistakable. He, as the angel, is the saint (and stand in for Juliet), Crowley his pilgrim. Snogging in public would be absolutely out of the question for our dear prim and proper Aziraphale... but this is a chaste kiss, and one that he is showing the world. A public declaration of his love for Crowley. A Holy Palmer's Kiss.

It's certainly debatable if Crowley would have picked up on it. Like a lot of their coded language there are times when one of them misses what the other is trying to say. But in my opinion, this was not only a public declaration, but his confession to Crowley. This is his "I love you" as much as "I forgive you" is.

Just for fun, here's how Romeo finally gets his kisses (but let's have Crowley stand in for Romeo and Aziraphale for Juliet, shall we?)

Cro. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged. (They kiss)

Azi. Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

Cro. Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged. Give me my sin again. (They kiss again)

[weirdmorefics]

Ineffable husbands x reader (platonic)! They've been noticing how much they've been on their phone lately, always smiling and giggling. Azira quickly assumes they're seeing someone and being the match maker he is at heart, he and Crowley manage to get the phone but the only thing on it is that Y/N is in a Facebook group about pretending to be ants in an ant colony (it's an actual thing).

A/n- This is so oddly specific and I love it! Kind of reminds me of when I was obsessed with Mystic Messenger which is just being in fake relationships with anime boys and girls... yeah I didn't have many friends in a high school LOL. Also, tell me why I am researching information about ants for a fanfiction!

Pronouns- (They/them)

Word Count- 930

Y/n's Ant Hill

Aziracrow x (Plantonic Reader)

Summary- The reader has been giggling at their phone non-stop recently Crowly is insistent that the reader has a significant other so he steals their phone.

Y/n is entranced by their phone having no idea about their surroundings.

Crowley throws his hands up in the air, "Okay that is the tenth time they giggled in five minutes!"

Aziraphale smiles at Crowley's outburst, "I am sure you are overexaggerating dear."

Crowley leans closer to Y/n to get a better look at their phone, "They have to be seeing someone!"

"Crowley, shh you are talking about Y/n as if they are not even there!" Aziraphale chastises him.

Crowley waves his hand dismissively, "They can't hear me they have no idea what's happening around them. Watch," he proceeds to clap directly in front of Y/n's face who does not even blink.

Aziraphale narrows his eyes, "That is actually quite impressive. I wonder what has Y/n so engrossed."

Crowley rolls his eyes, "Angel, I am telling you there is only one explanation they are seeing someone!"

"If they are they will tell us when they are ready," he places a comforting hand on Crowley's shoulder.

"Why would they be hiding it from us? We are their best friends we need to make sure we give their significant other a talking-to about the rules and what happens if they hurt Y/n! It can not wait," he cracks his knuckles.

"My dear maybe that's why their not telling you, " Aziraphale pats the shoulder his hand was already on and Crowley simply hisses in response.

Y/n abruptly stands, "I am really craving some hot cocoa, this weather is frigid. You want some?" Y/n asks the pair.

"I'd love some, thank you," Aziraphale smiles.

Crowley simply nods in response but as soon as Y/n leaves the room he jumps to the couch to where Y/n was just sitting.

"Ha! They left their phone," he smiles quickly typing the password.

"I am not even going to ask why you have their password memorized," Aziraphale frowns and Crowley looks up at him with a devilish grin.

Crowley's face quickly turns from devious to utter shock so much so that it concerns Aziraphale.

"What is that look is Y/n some sort of trouble?" He asks his parent mode instantly activated.

"They are fine physically not sure mentally though...," Crowley says full of pure confusion.

"What is it?" Aziraphale slides right up into Crowley's side.

"So much for you judging me for invading their privacy," he smirks at Aziraphale who shoots back a glare.

New messages appear from several different people one reads *foraging food for our queen* another reads *adding more tunnels for our queen* the last one they read says *Found a humongous picnic for our queen! Ants assemble!*

"What on God's earth is this!" Aziraphale surprisingly shouts and it just so happens that Y/n had just walked in with the three hot cocoas.

Y/n's face sours at them on her phone and accidentally drops one of the cups which breaks on impact with the floor.

Y/n quickly apologizes but then stops, "You know what I am not sorry that is a total invasion of my privacy! Crowley I expect this behavior from you but not you Aziraphale!""

Aziraphale quickly gets up, "I am so sorry Y/n! Let me clean the glass I don't want you to get hurt."

"Oh, so you don't want me to get hurt but hurting my feelings is fair game," Y/n glares.

"Y/n, be nice to the angel. It was my idea he got pulled in because of your weird group chat called Y/n's Ant Hill," Crowley says trying to calm them.

Y/n crosses their arms, embarrassment written clearly on their face, "You saw that? You still shouldn't have read the messages."

"We were concerned that you had a significant other and weren't sharing it. I assumed they were some heathen instead I see you roleplaying as an ant! It is far beyond anything any demon or angel could conjure in their mind." Crowley says with shock but also a weird sense of pride in humans.

Y/n tries to defend themself, "If you must know I am not any ant... I am their queen."

Aziraphale smiles and tries to hold back a laugh but at this point, Crowley is dying of laughter.

Y/n looks extremely bitter and Aziraphale tries to brighten their mood, "At least you hold a position of power."

Y/n's eyebrows furrow in anger, "Try it! I swear it is fun! If you don't like it you can make fun of me for it as long as you want if you do like it you can never say a bad word about it again!"

"You know I am always down for a little wager," Crowley smirks.

Y/n smiles, "Good! You Aziraphale?"

"It does sound very strange... but I will do anything for your forgiveness of your breach of privacy," Aziraphale says full of sorrow.

Y/n clasps their hands together, "Perfect!"

They spend the next hour huddled around Y/n's phone.

*I demand you find me the biggest feast an ant has ever feasted on* Crowley types.

Y/n tries to tug the phone away, "Stop they will overthrow me!"

"I'd like to see them try," Crowley wickedly smiles.

"Nooo," Y/n whines.

"For goodness sake why is my best friend and the love of my life the most insane begins I have ever met." Aziraphale sighs.

Safe to say Crowley gets Y/n overthrown and they have to start a whole new colony over together and Aziraphale can now never get them off the phone.

[strangesthirdeye]

Our Star (Ineffable Hubbys x Baby fem! Reader)

Summary: A bit of a story about two husbands with their baby girls.

Warning: It's Ineffable husbands.. Who doesn't love them? Fluff, soft, love, no episode 6 allowed, miracle, baby reader is made from miracles, don't ask me how, Crowley being Crowley, Crowley like children, Aziraphale is papa bear, Cuddle, IT'S STARS MINI SERIES, Aftermath of Armageddon.

As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#2019#

"isn't she's cute, Crowley? look at these little toes! They're very fluffy" Aziraphale gushed over the pink bundle in his hand with an excited smile.

Crowley looked over Aziraphale's shoulder to see the pink bundle in her husband's hand. "she's remind me of Adam when I have to send him to the satanic nun. Except, she's not causing Armageddon" Crowley wriggling his fingers in front of the baby girl's face which makes the baby let out a soft moan.

Aziraphale made a face. "she's not Satan's child. She's our child.. Daughter for more details. We made her with a miracle. It's quite difficult to masked such a miracle to create this beautiful baby from both sides. She's got our DNA. Well, technically, She's got half of me and you but we don't know what will happen to her when she's old enough to walk"

Crowley tilted his head slightly. "She's not turning into a demon or Angel, Angel.. She's half demon half angel which shouldn't be but well, we don't have anything to do with both sides anymore, don't we?"

Aziraphale paused. "well, I'm pretty sure they won't know about her.. I'll make sure of it"

Crowley smiled and kissed Aziraphale's cheek. "well, what should we name her?"

Aziraphale was speechless looking at the baby girl snuggled against the bundle with a softened face. Aziraphale could feel something fluttering in his body when he saw the cute scene in his hands. Aziraphale let out a soft breath and smiled and gently kissed the baby girl's forehead.

"Y/n..Her name is Y/n"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#2019 ( a weeks old ) #

"Now I need to deliver this book in London so, Crowley dear. You need to take care of Y/n for a few hours. She needs her milk whenever she's upset or hungry. If she's still upset, pick her up and rock her back and forth until she's falling asleep. It's easy to take care of her. She's a good lady, aren't you, Sweetheart?" Aziraphale poked his index fingers on your red cheeks after explaining everything that was important to Crowley who was standing in the middle of the bookshop while holding your small body in both hands.

Crowley let out a small breath. "Don't be long, Angel.. she's.. I don't know if what I'm doing is right or not. I don't want to hurt her" Crowley whined while bouncing you in his arms slowly trying to make sure his hold for you to be perfect so that you don't fall.

Aziraphale looked at his longing husband with a softened face. He then reached his hand to Crowley's cheek and rubbed it gently. "you won't hurt her, dear. Besides, you and her can spend time together.. You know? Get to know each other.. She's need to know that you are her father too, just as she needs to know that I am her papa"

Crowley stared at his husband for a long time before nodding and letting out a strange noise from his throat. "yeah, I think I can manage that. Me and her will spend time together with lots of fun today" Crowley smiled cheekily while bouncing you in both his hands.

You let out a soft whine of joy in your beige tartan colored bundle and kicked your feet in the air excitedly. Drool started to come out of the corner of your mouth which Aziraphale wiped it with his miracle napkin.

Aziraphale glared at him. "don't take her into the Bentley. She's barely a few weeks old"

Crowley groaned in protest. "oh come on! I'm not even going fast"

"no" Aziraphale replied and kissed your forehead and Crowley's cheek before walking out of the bookshop after just saying goodbye.

A few hours later, Crowley ended up taking you into the Bentley after you were secured in the baby seat next to him and drove around Soho at normal speed which just after he returned from driving with you, Aziraphale was waiting for him in front of the bookshop with a frown. Later, he got scolded by Aziraphale and Aziraphale took you in his hand and went away from him to put you to sleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(6 months old)

It was a very late night at the bookshop and Aziraphale and Crowley still hadn't slept yet. Although they do not need sleep because they are celestial so that's mean they can stay awake every night without sleep. But then again, they both started to develop human nature little by little so they indeed need sleep.

Aziraphale already put you in your bedroom after you couldn't stop crying in Aziraphale's arms last evening. And you stopped crying right after Crowley took you from Aziraphale's arms which makes Azira a bit jealous but let it out as long as you stopped crying. You're just daddy's girl. But at the same time you are daddy's girl too if you are in a good mood.

Aziraphale unconsciously ran his fingers through Crowley's hair while reading a book. Meanwhile Crowley taking a quick nap on Aziraphale's lap that night after several attempts wrestling with you to shower. But eventually, he is also the wet one.

Aziraphale whispered some words he read from the book under his breath causing a soothing voice for Crowley to hear until he fell asleep. But, the peace didn't last long when you suddenly cried from upstairs.

Aziraphale stopped his reading and put his book to the side and looked up at the ceiling before sighing. Azira glanced at Crowley's side profile who was still sleeping soundly on his lap. He doesn't want to wake him up. He just closed his eyes. Azira decided to wake Crowley up by shaking his lap that Crowley put his head on. Crowley groaned tiredly and bewildered as he woke up from his peaceful sleep. He glanced upon Aziraphale's face with annoying engraved on his face.

"What?" he asked irritated at Aziraphale after waking him from sleep.

"Y/n is awake, I need to check her" Aziraphale said while pushing Crowley's head gently which made Crowley grunted in protest. Aziraphale then stood up before he walked up the stairs leading to your bedroom.

A few seconds later, Aziraphale shouted Crowley's name from above which makes Crowley rushing to get up and run up the stairs to your room with concern. He doesn't want anything to happen to you so he needs to go quickly.

A door burst open by Crowley, with a dangerous face he shouted your and Aziraphale's name in your room. He stopped when he saw the scene in front of him. Aziraphale beamed when he saw Crowley standing in front of the door. He smiled broadly.

"Oh, Crowley! look! she's sitting properly!" Aziraphale pointed out to you who was sitting in your crib with traces of tears on your face. Your face is red.

Crowley froze and lost his speech as he looked at you and Aziraphale with wide eyes. He slowly smiled and chuckled while shaking his head several times.

"Oh, I think something happened to her" Crowley said, approaching you and his husband. He looked at you in the crib with adoration.

"nothing happen to her, dear. She's sitting! aww, she took her first seat. Isn't it adorable?" Aziraphale kneeled beside your crib and rubbed his index finger on your red cheeks.

You whine and reach for his index finger before sucking his finger. Aziraphale giggled.

"yeah, yeah.. She's always cute.. Finally I can take her in the Bentley" Crowley kneeled beside Aziraphale and brushed his tiny hair.

Azira glared at Crowley. "No"

Crowley whined in protest. "oh come on!"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(18 months old.)

It was a busy day in the bookshop and the bookshop was full of customers which Aziraphale had to assist them with the materials they needed, although he was a bit reluctant to give them to buy the book but well, it was Aziraphale. He's always like that. Crowley yawned as he sat longingly on the sofa with both hands spread on the chair. He really doesn't want to deal with customers so he decided to take you to the back room to avoid interacting with people. He's not very good at communicating with people, that's why he sits in the back room.

You who are sitting not far from Crowley play with the games provided by Crowley to entertain your time so that you don't get bored. You cooed in your little voice. Both hands actively playing and fidgeting Bentley car toys on the floor. Sometimes you move the car on the floor.

Crowley closed his eyes to take a nap.

He doesn't need to worry about your whereabouts now as you are safe in front of him, playing with toys so he just takes a quick nap to get rid of sleepiness plus to get rid of boredom. You gently pushed the Bentley toy car and giggled as you clapped your hands together. Glad the car is moving. You then crawled towards the car and reached the black toy car. You lifted and turned the car with big eyes.

You cooed happily then put the Bentley car back on the floor and pushed it with a strong force which makes the car move quickly and under the table in the corner of the room. Which is far from where you are. You whine. Not because you don't want to crawl there to get the car, but because you don't want to dirty your beautiful shirt with dust under the table.

You looked at your daddy who was sleeping soundly on the sofa with his mouth slightly opened. He looked very sleepy on the couch. Should you wake him up to get the toy car under the table? Just for you to get rid of boredom? But he looks tired and you don't want to bother him.

You huffed in frustration and stared at the bottom of the table with sharp eyes. Although you have many toys around you, but that car toy. That black Bentley toy car is your favorite. It reminded of you with your daddy's car. That's why it's your favorite. You huffed and started to do doggy style with your bottom in the air and your feet and hands on the floor. On all fours.

Not because you want to crawl, but you are trying to do something more than that, which is to stand. Yes, stand up. You've never done that before but you want to try. You started to push your hands off the floor. Both feet stay firmly on the floor and correct the position of your feet so that you can easily stand without support. You slowly raised your body. Sometimes you have to bend back to the floor because you struggle to support your body, but after a while, you stand up.

You beamed with your small voice with a smile on your face. And then without hesitation you began to carefully lift your right leg to step forward. One by one the steps were arranged by you as you happily let out a happy voice so loudly that it made Crowley wake up from his sleep. Crowley lifted his head from his seat and adjusted his black tinted glasses on the bridge of his nose. He let out a yawned and looked around. Just as his eyes looked at the spot where you should be sitting, he widened his eyes when he saw that you were missing from where you were supposed to be.

He panicked and got up from where he was sitting. His eyes flashed around the area catching a glimpse of you that he was supposed to take care of. He then brushed his hair with frustration.

'where did the little star go?' he thought with concern.

Just as he was about to move to the door to find Aziraphale, he heard a small voice from behind his sofa. He turned around and rushed to your couch hoping you were okay.

He kneeled and looked behind the sofa. There you are, standing or more details walking towards the table with both hands facing forward.

Crowley stunned, mouth slightly opened. His eyes widened behind his black tinted glasses. He watched your gestures as you staggered to the table with a smile on your face. You who are eager to go to the table don't seem to notice your daddy who freezes behind you.

The gears in Crowley's mind turned furiously. 'did she just-'

You cooed and sat under the table and happily picked up the Bentley toy car.

Fingers started fidgeting the toy car. Crowley jerked out of his reverie and let out a big laugh.

"Ahh, Star!" Crowley called you.

You turned your gaze from the toy car and looked at your daddy who was kneeling next to the sofa with his signature smirk.

You let out an amusement voice as if calling your daddy and show him your toy car. Crowley spread his hands beckoning you to come to him.

"come here, star! come to me. Come here, Star" Crowley said, cheekily waving his hands toward you to encouraged you to come to him.

"Dada!" You shouted, happily.

"yes! Daddy come here, star!" Crowley happily said. He almost wanted to cry. This is a precious moment for him.

You started making actions to stand up like before but now it's getting better. And then you start to set the pace on him with small steps. Crowley let out a loud voice of encouragement to you as he waved his hands to beckon you to come to him.

As you got closer, Crowley quickly scooped you into his arms and spun you around in the air with a laugh. The two of you laughed so loudly that Aziraphale who was settling the last customer heard the two of you laughing.

Aziraphale looked at the last customer who was on his way out with an apologetic face.

"sorry for the noises, it's just someone in the back room. Well, I think you have your materials yes? Great.. Thank you for coming" and he closed his bookshop door along with his window with a miracle.

He rushed towards the back room and opened the back room door with a beam.

"What's all that giggling about, Crowley?" he asked as he looked at the two people he loves the most who were hugging.

You nuzzled against Crowley's shoulder. Crowley glanced at his husband with a cheeky smile.

"She's taking her first walk, Angel!" he laughed.

Aziraphale widened his eyes, not believing what Crowley said. "Really?"

"yes! look" he put you on the floor. You looked at Crowley confused. "go on, Y/n. Go to Papa. Show him you can walk" he encouraged you.

You looked behind you and when your eyes glanced at your papa's figure, you beamed.

"Papa!" you started to get up and started to set your pace towards Aziraphale.

Aziraphale squealed excitedly and spread his arms. "Come here, baby. Oh, you're so cute"

You immediately hugged your Papa tightly when you reached his arms. You nuzzled against his fluffy hug.

"Papa!" You squealed.

"Oh, you are walking. My baby can walk now" Aziraphale said.

Crowley approached you both with a smile. "Our star is big, now she can ride a Bentley with me"

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley. "not yet"

"what?! What? She can walk, she can talk and sit well, why can't she ride a Bentley?" Crowley protested.

"With you driving.. hmph.. Just make me worry" Aziraphale replied.

"what? then when can she ride the Bentley then, Angel?" Crowley argued.

"maybe until she gets her first miracle or when she is already 2 or 3 years old" Aziraphale said with a smile.

Crowley grunted. "Argh- that was a while!"

Aziraphale giggled. "then you just have to wait and see what happens in the future"

Crowley groaned in protest and sulked. He walked to the sofa and sat not facing his husband's face.

Aziraphale just giggled and continued to hug you tightly while kissing your fragrant hair.

[giantmushyfriend]

Another GO headcanon/speculation to warm your heart this January

Since the announcement of Series 3 for our beloved Good Omens, the gears in this ol' brain have been turning. Because here's the deal: I love the idea that Aziraphale will have to give us a top-tier performance of the Apology dance, but I also like the idea that Crowley will request a favor he can call in at any time just for funsies. Aziraphale is inherently a little weary of this notion, but he ultimately agrees because, in the end, he loves Crowley and wants to show him that he is willing to do anything for him. And for a while, things just go back to normal. They handle the apocalypse, again, get their cottage in the South Downs, etc. Our ineffable husbands go about their days bickering and enjoying domestic bliss, and Aziraphale almost forgets about the favor his beloved demon has yet to call in. That is until they're back in the bookshop because, let's face it, Aziraphale won't be able to stay away from it for long, and Crowley is lounging on the couch while Aziraphale works (they sent Muriel to go hang out with Nina and Maggie). And like he's done in the past, Crowley decides it's about high time for a nap and decides it's time to call in that favor, resulting in something like;

"Angle," Crowley calls, tipping his head back to glance at the angel, where he's perched in his large, worn chair by his desk, looking over one of his newest bible misprints.

Aziraphale slides his reading glasses off of his nose and into the breast pocket of his button with an affectionate sigh, "Yes, my dear?"

"C'mere."

"Crowley, I'm working," the protest is half-hearted at best, and Crowley's mouths twitch up into a small smirk as Aziraphale carefully closes the book before twisting in his chair to look at the demon.

"Oi, none of that. You promised me a favor, angel, and I'm calling it in."

Aziraphale smiled fondly before rolling his eyes, and Crowley could swear he felt his heart melt a little.

I only ever want to see him smile like that, Crowley thought absently.

"Out of everything in the world- the universe, that an angel could offer you, you're using it for a cuddle?"

"Not JUST a cuddle, angel, I want a nap too." Crowley smiled, tipping his head back to summon Aziraphale closer.

"And you want me to hold you while you nap, I suppose?"

Crowley hummed in the affirmative, "Mmhmm, and I want you to read to me."

"Anything in particular, my love?"

"'Gimme something of Jane's, I wanna see if she can write as good as she can heist."

"How about a nice romance? Something to pair with your Richard Curtis pictures," Aziraphale stands before soothing out his trousers and beginning to search for where Muriel placed his Austen novels in their small reorganizing spree they took while he and Crowley were away getting settled in their cottage.

"No one calls them pictures anymore, Aziraphale, call 'em a movie for Gods-for Satan's- for somebody's sake," Crowley grumbled.

"Very well, is that a yes or a no for the romance?" Aziraphale asked as he located his newfound Austen section, his fingers grazing over the spine of his well-loved copy of Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility before pulling both off the shelf.

"Sure, a romance, sounds lovely. Just grab one and get over here, 'm cold."

"Dearest, you're always cold."

"'M a serpent, angel, I have no temperature control!" Crowley groused, wiggling down onto the sofa to make room for the angel. He levels a small glare at the edge of the narrow sofa before nodding in approval when it expands under his harsh gaze. "It's the middle of winter, 's why I keep a nice warm angel around."

Aziraphale felt his face flush, an odd aspect of the corporation that he'd never get used to. He strolled over to the now slightly larger couch before cupping Crowley's cheek, his heart stuttering when the demon nuzzled into the touch, "Would you like the heated blanket, love?"

Crowley nodded before Aziraphale grabbed it from the end of the couch. He didn't move to plug it in; he just hit the remote, and the blanket spurred into action. The angel then wiggled next to his demon, bringing the tartan blanket, much to Crowley's chagrin, up around the two of them. Crowley is quick to nuzzle his way into the angel's grasp, resting his head on the plush planes of his chest.

"Comfortable?" Aziraphale asks, one arm coming up to wrap around Crowley's shoulders before opening his older editions of Pride and Prejudice. Crowley hums, smiling softly when he feels a soft kiss pressed into his hairline. "Very well, my dear."

---

Listen, I'm just a sucker for Aziraphale reading to Crowley as he naps (but so is half of the entire fandom, and Crowley, hence this post). Is this a way for me to write it? A little. It's just so soft and domestic, and I really want to see it in series 3. I understand that the ineffable husband's romance won't be the main storyline in s3, but I am frothing at the mouth for some domestic, fluffy, moments between the two of them before we have to say goodbye for good.

[zombiejette]

Yesssss finally, I am seen. Make them morons, and make them hopeless around each other. I want to see them make mental gymnasts into mincemeat with the way they avoid rational thought and defy the laws of simple attraction time and time again. I need everyone else to petition for stem cell research just so these two idiots can grow a single brain cell to finally use. thank you so much @fanby-fckry for the tag!

Tagging: @ckret2 @sowheresmyroom @gayasstheythem-ofmd

New tag game just dropped >:) my result kinda tracks doesn’t it? 🥺😅 @letmelickyoureyeballs @mossthebogwitch @daisey14 @kilibaggins

Quiz is here!

[mimisempai]

It's the biter bit

Summary

Aziraphale is looking for a book he promised to lend Muriel and when Crowley finds it, he thanks him in a rather pleasant way, but could there be more behind a story about a misplaced book?

Notes

50 Types of Kisses - Writing Prompts

Kiss #35: Playing a trick on the other to get a kiss

Thank you @rins-love-wins for the idea

On Ao3

Rating G -  538 words

"Where did I put that book?"

From the sofa, Crowley watched as Aziraphale paced back and forth, checking all the shelves. Every so often, the angel would stop, take a closer look, shake his head, and resume his search.

The demon couldn't help but tease his lover and said cheekily, "Angel, I find it rather amusing that you talk about putting things away where your books are concerned."

Aziraphale glared darkly before retorting, "I won't stoop to answering that. Besides, instead of watching me and making fun of me, you could help me find it. Didn't you boast that you knew the contents of the bookshop better than I did?"

The angel raised an eyebrow and stared at him challengingly.

Crowley chuckled softly before standing up and asking, "What book are you looking for?"

Aziraphale sighed, "You know, the book I promised Muriel, the one we talked about yesterday, Watership Down."

"Oh yes, the story of the rabbit family?"

"Yes!"

Crowley walked along one of the shelves and a few seconds later exclaimed, "Angel, I think I've found it. Is this the one?"

Aziraphale joined him and, seeing the book in his hands, exclaimed, "Yes, it is! Amazing!"

He added, "I don't know what I'd do without you. You really do know the inside of my bookshop better than I do. How can I ever thank you?"

Though the question was rhetorical, the demon seized the opportunity and, leaning toward the angel, replied with a mischievous gleam in his eye, "I may have an idea.

Aziraphale immediately saw where Crowley was going with this, took the book from his hands, and placed it on a shelf. Then he wrapped his arms around the demon's neck, brought his face close to his and replied in the same tone, "Then let me thank you.

He rose to his tiptoes and pressed his lips to the demon's, capturing them in a kiss that expressed his gratitude far better than words. 

When they parted a little later, the demon who had wrapped his arms around the angel's waist said softly, "You're welcome, Angel. However..."

He suddenly looked embarrassed and continued, "I have to admit, if you didn't find the book easily, it's because I hid it last night."

"Crowley! Why would you do such a thing?!"

The demon raised his hand and, caressing the angel's lips with his thumb, replied, "To be thanked exactly as you just thanked me."

Aziraphale chuckled and then, kissing the demon's thumb still on his lips, replied, "You know, you don't have to use such devious means to be kissed."

"But that was fun, wasn't it?"

The angel nodded, then said mischievously, "It's actually kind of fun, especially considering..."

He paused, nibbling playfully at the demon's thumb before continuing, "...that I knew you'd hidden it there."

"What?!"

"Isn't that a perfect example of the human saying it's the biter bit?"

Crowley removed his finger from Aziraphale's lips and, cupping the angel's face between his hands, said in a falsely threatening tone, "You'll see who's going to bite who!"

Then he captured the angel's lips and worked to wipe away his lover's cheeky smile with his own lips in a kiss that was nothing biting and everything sweet.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable kisses series : here

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here

Ineffable Growing Love - Series post S2

Part 1 Story 1-99

Part 2 Story 100-?

[rosileeduckie]

Hark the Herald Devils Sing

Snow was going to fall anyway, don't see what the fuss is about.

A Christmas prank gets Christmessy.

Good Omens/Ineffable Husbands tickle fic. Warnings: none.

Word count: 1,914

~*~

"Crowley, darling, look! Carolers!"

"Oh, brilliant."

If Aziraphale, certainly bright with cherry cheeks and a merry smile, had turned back from the front door to look toward the couch where his partner had just been, he would have found the seat completely vacated. For as relaxed as he'd been lounging on the sofa, snuggling and reading over Aziraphale's shoulder, Crowley had been off like a flying reindeer the moment there had been a knock at the door and the dreadful sight of a gaggle of Santa hats out the front window. It's not that the golden-eyed demon didn't WANT to suffer through being sung at through a door to the polar vortex by an all too cheerful amateur choir. It's just that, well, okay, he didn't. Even if being subjected to such torture came with the blessed side effect of getting to bask in the radiance of his angel’s unabashed gleeful smile at humans doing silly human things in even subzero weather. But Crowley would have many a chance to see that smile. The chance to thwart the spirits of people banging down doors in the name of peace and cheer? That was seasonal.

Crowley took the stairs up through the bookshop and flat with enough enthusiasm that he could have been flying, and soon found himself on the roof, overlooking the a cappella band. Time was short before they would become other than sitting ducks, but, upon getting blasted with freezing night air, Crowley spared a precious few seconds to miracle himself up some gloves and a diamond patterned scarf. Gingerly, avoiding both patches of ice and lumps of snow that threatened to cling to and soak the cuffs of his pants, Crowley crouched low to the edge of the roof, perched above a bucket of water that had neither been there that morning nor frozen after the sunset. He could already feel his feet beginning to tingle with numbness. No time for dilly-dallying. One big breath, one tight grip, one good heave, and the bucket was upended over the side of the roof, an impossibly massive but precise deluge of water raining down onto the street.

“Happy Christmas, indeed,” Crowley snickered, rocking back on his heels to dodge out of view. The choir would be fine, surely. Their concert had been disrupted, yes, but they’d all find themselves miraculously immune to frostbite as well as pass a wagon that would just so happen to be offering free hot cocoa and biscuits for the holiday. Crowley was a demon, not a total asshole. To be safe, he’d made himself scarce so as not to earn more ire from people, even if said people were uninvited carolers. As such, he’d missed getting to see their faces as the torrent of water descended upon and soaked them. Still, he should have been able to HEAR their shocked shrieks and grumblings as a result of the prank. He peeked over the edge.

Rocketing up to the roof before the prank had made him miss seeing one of his angel’s sunniest expressions. Craning to look over the edge of the roof now brought him face to face with about the sourest look Crowley had ever seen from Aziraphale. The choir having ostensibly been pushed back a good ten feet, the only one to suffer as the target of Crowley’s mischief was Aziraphale himself, figuratively frozen to the newly wet snowy ground and shooting a glare burning with divine fire up into the eaves.

Crowley shrunk back but could still feel Aziraphale’s gaze singeing the tails of his scarf and melting the snowflakes from his hair. Or perhaps he mistook the sound of his own mortified hissing. “Oh, fuck.”

**

“I’m sorry,” Crowley bemoaned again, having lost count of how many times he’d done so. The carolers, scared stiff but dry, had been shooed away, and Crowley had ushered Aziraphale back inside toward the fireplace, shucking off any of the wet and cold clothing clinging to his skin, sitting him in his reading chair, and wrapping him in all the blankets Crowley could carry without losing balance. The demon had begun his apologies before even making it down from the roof, and he didn’t see himself stopping any time soon.

Aziraphale’s glare had been murderous, but he had softened considerably upon such repentant dotage from his partner. Crowley watched, with substantial relief, the way the crease in Aziraphale’s brow smoothed over and the pout in his lips faded after being dried off and bundled up in his favorite chair with a cup of steaming cocoa easily in reach.

“Angel, I really am sorry I caught you in the splash,” said Crowley, kneeling by the arm of the chair and laying a hand on Aziraphale’s knee--or where he approximated a knee to be; it was hard to tell through at least three throws and a comforter. “I didn’t mean to--”

He broke off his umpteenth apology, breath catching in his throat, when Aziraphale chuckled. “I know you didn’t, my dear.” Aziraphale wriggled one hand free from his blanket cocoon to take a sip of cocoa and then to hold Crowley’s cheek. “You would have been much more devious and proud of yourself if you’d meant it.”

Crowley smiled, half-sighing and half-chuckling and fully nuzzling into Aziraphale’s touch. “Absolutely, I would have been.”

The angel scoffed, smile growing brightly and easily as he gave a little shove against Crowley’s nuzzling with his hand. “Come give us a cuddle? Least you can do to make it up to me, really,” Aziraphale teased.

With a roll of his eyes, Crowley nodded, pretending to mutter, and rose from his knees, melting comfortably into Aziraphale’s lap when the angel spread his blanket wings to create a spot for him. Soon, they were both wrapped up, tangled up, safe together in their little nest. Crowley’s legs straddled Aziraphale’s thighs, arms around his shoulders and face buried in his neck, purring in quiet contentment as the angel’s hands rubbed slow circles over his back.

“Wouldn’t have to make it up to you,” Crowley hummed, catching a whiff of lovely sandalwood cologne from the angel’s curls that had dried and gone back to their usual white-blond fluffiness, “if you hadn’t insisted on being daft and heroic. Saving carolers from their just desserts, hgk. And when they were ASKING for their figgy pudding.”

Aziraphale giggled, pressing a kiss to Crowley’s crimson hair that brought his lips close to the demon’s ear. “And from whom did I need to save them?”

“Ggk,” replied Crowley, leaning back from Aziraphale’s chest enough to scowl and wave his hands to bat away that logic. “Are you warm yet or what? While you’re incapacitated, I could set up another bucket on the roof. Bound to be more than just one group of carolers tonight.”

“You would return to engaging in such villainy after it’s already hurt me so?” Aziraphale gaped, wiping at a nonexistent tear. “Crowley, darling, I don’t know that my heart could take the thought.”

“OKAY, okay, drama queen,” Crowley said, nestling back into Aziraphale’s neck but still well aware the angel was grinning.

“You won’t let me be heroic OR dramatic?” Aziraphale tutted. “Would it make you feel better if I was mischievous? Since you’re busy keeping me warm?”

As quickly as he’d molded back to his cuddle spot, Crowley wrenched backward, spurred by Aziraphale’s hands, once soothing, slipped beneath his jumper, and they were COLD. “Angel-!”

The grin Aziraphale had already been wearing was downright devilish. “Yes, my dear? Oh my, you don’t mind, do you? This is such a nice way to warm up my hands~”

If Crowley minded, he couldn’t exactly say so, because Aziraphale’s hands had taken up exercise to warm up all the more quickly. The angel’s fingers moved to Crowley’s ribs, plucking them as delicate and sharp and quick as if he were playing a harp. Sputtering with a shriek that dissolved embarrassingly quickly into merry chortling, Crowley tried to lean back and out of reach, only to find himself thoroughly trapped by the weighty blankets around the pair. Rather than run, since that option was out, he elected to hide, crumpling forward to bury his laughter in Aziraphale’s chest (which was easy enough since the demon hadn’t even let go of his angel in his escape attempt. Maybe he knew he deserved some recompense for drenching him. Maybe he didn’t want that badly to get away. He couldn’t say, literally.)

“Why, thank you, love,” said Aziraphale, kissing Crowley’s ear once more and taking extra care to brush the stubble of his newly growing beard against the sensitive skin of it (a style change inspired by Crowley’s historically shifting fashion sense, which Crowley wasn’t sure if he regretted or adored at the moment.) “Your laughter does always make me feel warm and happy. I know you don’t care for the sound of it, but I rather adore it.”

If Aziraphale wanted warmth, the sudden heat in Crowley’s face ought to have sufficed. “Angel,” he whined, the sound morphing into a squeal and then wild gay laughter as Aziraphale’s fingers scuttled up to tickle under Crowley’s arms.

“Come to think of it, Crowley darling, you must be quite cold, too. Yes, I didn’t appreciate being on the end of your little prank, but it must have taken you a bit of cleverness to set up and a bit of strength to deal with that cold, my lovely snake. And, seeing as tickling you gets you warm enough for both of us, I think that’s the best way for us to spend the remainder of our evening, don’t you?”

Crowley’s ecstatic squirming had all but tipped him off Aziraphale’s lap (it couldn’t be helped; he had the bad habit of forgetting he had bones when he laughed hard enough), and soon Aziraphale’s torturous hands were the only things keeping the demon from falling off the chair in a tangle of blankets. Giggling proudly, the angel had mercy, pausing his attack long enough to get Crowley comfortably lounging upon his lap once more. Gulping air and keeping his guard cautiously up, Crowley held onto the lapels of Aziraphale’s cardigan and tried to rub away the tingling beneath his arms while he could. “You’d discorporate me before the evening was over, mean as you are when you tickle,” Crowley said, sticking out a forked tongue as though that could negate the blissfully happy smile stuck to his face.

Aziraphale’s chuckle was a purr as he leaned in to kiss Crowley’s neck. “I could tease you all evening instead. We both know you’d get just as red.”

With a flustered grumble, Crowley tilted his head away from Aziraphale’s advances, able to pretend to be grumpy for maybe five seconds before Aziraphale dove back in to croon and kiss along his ear. “You’ll have to be gentle if you want to keep from getting an elbow to the face or a demon on the floor.” The angel raised his eyebrows, and Crowley smacked his arm, growing all the redder when Aziraphale laughed. “You know what I MEAN.”

“I do, darling. I do.” Aziraphale pulled Crowley close, warm and secure. “Ready then?”

Crowley nodded.

Slowly, sweetly, Aziraphale’s hands returned beneath Crowley’s sweater, tickling gently and with the occasional flurry or scribble of his nails just to make Crowley snort and squawk. Each time, without fail, Aziraphale pressed a kiss to Crowley’s cackling mouth. “You make much sweeter music than those carolers, anyway.”

[artistsfuneral]

part 19

"It was the only way to save you."

Jaskier glares at him, “You are an asshole, Geralt of Rivia! You don't get to sweet-talk your way out of this, not this time!” Next to him, the witcher smiles.

“Are you telling me you wouldn't have done exactly the same if you were in my place?”

Jaskier gasps at the witcher, open mouthed and clearly stuck between feeling offended and getting caught. “Of course I would save you too, you buffoon, don't ever question that, but that doesn't mean you can-”

“I'd do it again. Every single time.”

“Were you even listening? Geralt, I don't want you to give up your life for me!”

“I'd do anything to protect you.”

“What? No! That's the exact opposite of-”

“I love you so much, Julek.”

Jaskier freezes, eyes wide and watery. Geralt only started calling him Julek after their wedding, because he had wanted a nickname that was just for them. Hearing him say it now, with the exact same tone of voice he always used makes Jaskier ring for his next breath. “You remember?”

Geralt chuckles at the late realization, “You found your peace.”

“But- But I'm still angry with you!” Jaskier stutters, not really knowing why he would argue against it in the first place. Somehow a happy ending to this fucking mess seemed so far out of reach that Jaskier can't believe it's true.

“Yeah but,” Geralt gently takes hold of the bards face and caresses his cheek with his thumb, “You'd do the same for me.”

Jaskier's shoulders slump down at once. His eyes go unbelievably soft as he looks at his husband and sighs. “I would, gods help me, I would,” he mumbles and pulls Geralt into the softest of kisses.

“I love you.”

“I love you as well.”

...

Behind Jaskier a flickering portal opens and a collective of concerned voices echoes through. The bard's hands are shaking as he holds one out to Geralt.

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