#* ˖ asmodeus ╱ quotes ⊹

[zouzoru-comms-open]

H-hey *drops all their obey me fanarts because I wanna make commissions*

[comfortcharacterprompts]

Lucifer: It’s dark in here Mc: Don’t worry, I got this. Mc: *Stomps their feet* Mc: *Skechers light up*

[tsukii0002]

I have the headcanon that the brothers can feel when Mc feels the sin they represent, Satan when he feels anger, Beel when he feels gluttony…, but that the other way around also happens. When one of the brothers is being “dominated” by his sin, Mc is able to feel that feeling as their own even though it is not. I mean, Mc is calmly doing their business and suddenly BUM, they feel a very marked envy out of nowhere. And it's like:

Mc: *feels a very strong envy out of nowhere*

Mc: What the hell happened to Levi now?

Mc: *quietly in their room when they starts to feel a familiar sensation* How strange…

Mc: *realizing that it's greed what they are feeling* Wait…

Mc: *getting up suddenly and running out* MaaMmoOoon!!! whatever it is don't even think about it!!!!

Mc: *studying* mmm What…

Mc: !!! *feeling a big lust* Asmo we have a final exam tomorrow!!!!

Mc: *with a classmate doing a project* … *suddenly feels a surge of anger and smashes their pen* …

Demon: Are you ok?!

Mc: I am, but the bastard who pissed off Satan won't be ha ha.

Demon: ????

.

.

[rainiishowers]

Lucifer: *Wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Asmodeus: I see you're bursting out the spring colors.

———

Mammon, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem, officer?

Cop: get the FUCK out of my car

———

Luke: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it

Luke: And I started thinking

Luke: Like it was just trying to get food

Luke: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck

Luke: How would I feel

Simeon: Are you okay???

———

Mammon: You should always say "please" and "thank you".

Baby! Satan, deadpanned: Please shut the fuck up, thank you.

Mammon: Not what I meant, but still progress!

———

Mammon: *flirts with MC*

MC: *flirts back*

Mammon, internally: i did not plan up to this point. what the fuck do i do now…?

———

Belphegor: *washing the dishes* Who the fuck used this pan??

Belphegor: Wait. I the fuck used this pan...

MC: It was you the fuck

Satan: Who cooks rice in a pan?

Beelzebub: He the fuck

———

MC: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an Energy Smoothie would it kill me?

Solomon: *shrugs* Only if you die young

MC, getting out the blender: You're so smart

Mammon, running into the room: MC STOP-

———

Satan: I'm gonna open a cat cafe, but I need investors. Here's the plan. The first floor will have normal cats, but as you go up, each floor will have more and more dangerous cats, and at the top floor is me with a gun.

———

Beelzebub: *is carrying all the groceries*

M: *holds out hand to help*

Beelzebub: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold MC’s hand*

———

Asmo: And once again, Asmo and Solomon save the day.

Barbatos: You didn't do anything. It was all Solomon.

Asmodeus: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

———

Diavolo: Would you kiss me for 1k grimm?

Lucifer: Why?

Diavolo: Just curious

Lucifer, playing along: ..I suppose

Diavolo: [Slams 1k onto the table] would you look at that-

[hopeluna]

Belphie at Diavolo's parties: this place is so fancy, I don't know which fork to kill myself with

Asmo: the fork on your right.

[kpop-otome-yandere-here]

Mc: Hey, dumb slut, get over here.

Mammon, sighing: Okay-

Asmo: I'm coming!

Mammon, confused: I thought... I was dumb slut...

[spark-river]

MC: Why are angels dressed sluttier than Asmo?

Simeon: Wha-?

Solomon: nudity was a form of purity too and in the end it's just a body.

Asmodeus: Michael definitely was the one to tell you that. He has his tits out.

Simeon: He doesn't?!

[sheeprad]

Mc: *sneaks into house at 2am*

Lucifer: *turns into swivel chair* care to tell me where you were?

Mc: I was with… Uh… Mammon!

Mammon: *also turns into swivel chair* Care to- *keeps spinning* Lucifer I can’t stop the chair.

[villianbell]

Barbatos : Just a reminder that RAD offers therapy to those who need it

Mc, standing with the bothers : Why does he always look at us when he says that?

[devildomsoup]

Asmodeus: MC, is there a reason why you are hiding in my bathroom?

MC: Shh, he is going to find me.

Asmodeus: Who?

MC: Solomon.

Asmodeus; Why are you hiding from Solomon?

MC: He found a cooking channel on deviltube 3 weeks ago, and I have been his test bunny ever since. I don't think I will survive another one of his meals.

Asmodeus: .... Solomon is officially banned from my room until he stops.

[squeakyducky]

Asmo : I can't mansplain, manipulate, manwhore out of this one :(

Satan : Manslaughter it is then.

[l3viat8an]

*In nightbringer*

Asmo: Do you realise there's a rumour going around that you're in love with MC?

Solomon: A rumour? Are you telling me people are doubting it????

[tsukii0002]

Asmo: What's wrong with Lucifer?

Lucifer: *with his eyes closed and a clearly angry expression*

Levi: Oh, Mc has used their pact so Lucifer can't open his eyes.

Asmo: *about to laugh* Why?

Satan: *with a mocking smile* Because he's been up all night and Mc told him that either he'd stop working or they was going to force him to.

Asmo: Pff-

Lucifer: Mc, that's enough!!! *blushing* Four hours is enough!!!!

Mc: *showing up* Are you going to rest?

Lucifer: Yes, yes, I'm going to rest….

Asmo: Unbelievable *taking out his phone to take a picture*.

Levi: This is the true power of the master of the seven deadly sins.

Satan: Not violent enough in my opinion.

.

.

[rainiishowers]

Solomon: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

MC: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Solomon: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

MC: But I heard a siren.

Solomon: That was Mammon.

Mammon: Sorry, I got nervous-

——

Belphegor: If we put Solomon and Barbatos in a room, who would come out crying first?

Diavolo: The room.

——

Barbatos: Where's Satan..?

MC: Doing stuff.

Barbatos: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Lucifer?

MC: Trying to stop Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: And Asmodeus?

MC: Trying to stop Lucifer from stopping Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: I see. And what are you doing here, MC?

MC: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Asmodeus from stopping Lucifer from stopping Satan, from doing the stuff.

——

Mammon: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the river when you were six.

Levi: let's not forget who pushed me in

——

Lucifer: You don’t want MC to die

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: And I don't want MC to die.

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: So we just have to make sure MC doesn’t want MC to die.

Simeon: Wonderful plan, but have you met MC?

——

Asmodeus: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solomon: It’s not about looks, Asmodeus. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Asmodeus: Aww.. Sol...

Solomon: For example, someone's heart.

Asmodeus: Aw... Stop it-

Solomon: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Asmodeus: Seriously, stop it.

——

Diavolo: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

MC: Eyy, homie!

Leviathan: But then there's cootie...

Belphegor: Die.

——

Lucifer: Who broke the toaster?

Satan: It was Mammon.

Asmodeus: It was Mammon.

Beelzebub: Mammon broke it.

Mammon:

Mammon: ...yOU PROMISED-

——

Luke: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Simeon: Luke, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Luke: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Solomon: ...It was a bug…

Luke: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Solomon: ...

Simeon: ...

Luke: Stop looking at me like that!

——

Asmodeus: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Lucifer: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

——

Mammon: I'm not that stupid!

Lucifer: Mammon, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Mammon: BELPHIE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

——

Mephisto, referring to MC and Mammon: Those guys are dorks.

Lucifer, insulted: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

[devildomwriter]

Asmodeus: “So MC what kind of kinks are you into? Hm?”

Leviathan: “Heh!? Y-Y-You can’t just ask something like that Asmo!”

Belphegor: “No, I kind of wanna hear this.”

MC: “Hmm…well not breath play that’s for sure. Hahaha…haha…ha.”

Everyone: *Glaring at Belphie*

Belphegor: “It was just a hug.”

MC: “I died.”

Belphegor: “It was a big hug.”

[mammons-lover]

Prank Gone Pregnant [Happy New Years!]

MC (grinning mischievously at Mammon's camera): Hey guys, welcome back! Today, I’m going to prank my boyfriend by pretending to break up with him. Let’s see how hard he panics. Spoiler: It’s Mammon, so… a lot. Let’s do this.

MC (fake sniffling, eyes cast down): Mammon, sweetie…

Mammon (striding over dramatically, already looking concerned): Yeah, babe? What’s wrong? You okay?

MC (turning their head away to stifle a laugh, voice trembling for effect): I think… it’s time we break—

Mammon (interrupting with wide eyes, completely serious): I’m pregnant.

MC (now genuinely stunned, blinking): Wait. What?

Mammon (doubling down like his life depends on it, hand over his heart): Yeah, you heard me. Pregnant. Bun in the oven. Lil’ Mammon Jr. on the way.

MC (trying not to lose it, but also trying to keep it logical): Mammon, that’s literally not possible. You’re a—

Mammon (jumping to his feet, hands on hips, voice dripping with indignation): Oh, so now you don’t want OUR baby?!

MC (deadpan): You’re male!

Mammon (scoffing like this is the least of their concerns): And I’m also a demon, something ya didn’t even know existed till you landed here! Maybe you need to stop slackin’ in bio class, MC!

MC (completely breaking character, laughing): Oh my god, I love you, babe. And I love how far you’re willing to go to keep me, but—

Mammon (dropping to his knees mid-sentence, clutching at MC’s hands dramatically): Please don’t leave me! I’ll DIE! I’ll do anything! Beg, grovel, get a second job, whatever you want!

MC (still giggling): Mammon! Let me finish! I was gonna say it’s a prank!

Mammon (pausing, looking betrayed): A PRANK?! You got me cryin’ over here for a PRANK?!

MC (trying to hold in laughter, patting his shoulder): I’m sorry, but once you hit me with the ‘I’m pregnant’, I had to see this through!

Mammon (standing dramatically, wiping his tears): Well, guess what? You’re not sleepin’ in my bed tonight. And we’re OVER.

MC (mock-pouting): Aw, c’mon, Mammon, don’t be like that—

Mammon (cutting them off immediately, arms crossed but already relenting): No, wait, I take it back. We ain’t over. But I’m still mad. You’re on thin ice!

MC (grinning): I’ll make it up to you with snacks?

Mammon (grumbling, but already caving): …Fine. But only ‘cause I’m pregnant and I need to eat for two!

(Enter Leviathan, standing nearby with headphones half-off, looking completely bewildered as he stares after them.)

Leviathan: Wait. WHAT THE FUCK?! Mammon’s PREGNANT?!

Mammon (yelling back over his shoulder): Yeah, Levi! Start plannin’ the baby shower!

Leviathan (suddenly panicking, pacing): Oh my daivolo, I’m gonna be an uncle! We need to babyproof the house! There’s sharp corners everywhere, and that stair railing is a death trap! Do demons even have car seats?! Someone get me a checklist—WHERE’S THE CHECKLIST?!

{Haven’t posted any fics lately? Uhh… do we even call these fics? 🤔 Who knows! Anyway, I seriously miss making them, but college is not what I expected (first semester, woo-hoo! 🥲) and, uh… I'm definitely failing three classes. BUT!! I’ve figured out how to balance college and life, so next semester is gonna be great!. I miss writing, though, so you better believe more is coming soon! Stay tuned, besties!}