#) and only get worse through each other
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Rewatching season 2 and people probably talked about this to death already, but I just gotta whinge like a bitch or I'll explode. There's so much missed opportunity for Sydney&Carmy content bro. It's not even a ship thing, it's like...all these times Sydney went around eating food, we could've had Carmy going with her. Like, ordering too much because they overestimate their stomachs, shit talking the menus and restaurant decorations, eating from each other's plates - "Hey this is really good. Try this" "Yeah? Okay, uh, yeah, try mine", nerding out over specific cuisines, sharing utensils because they're weirdos, Carmy showing off his fancy connections, Sydney bouncing her ideas off him, talking about their past and their dreams for the new restaurant, talking to other people, sharing that huge fucking sundae at the end. Fuck, I just love it when they talk about the food man. It's the biggest reason why I can't accept Claire, like Carmy ditched that whole wonderful experience to go on a fucking date and it's so goddamn devastating seeing Sydney shouldered the dream of two. We could have a roadtrip episode. We could have a roadtrip episode.
#the bear#carmy berzatto#sydney adamu#im so mad about this#i want them BRAINSTORMING#ss3 is worse cuz carmy just talks over syd all the time now#im exasperated but its also so funny seeing them sidestep each other in what can only be described as the fucking dream partnership ever#because before we get to the good stuff we gotta wade through this cesspool of neuroses#cuz it's the SYSTEM
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It’s so hard being a single father with no kids who keeps going into cursed caves…..
Welcome back to Father Kilter Friday/Pigeon Paturday where we hfhgdhgdggdgshhshs..,,,, fhghdh…, hhhhhhh,,,,,,,
They’re fine they’re fine. Went for a swim in corrosive mystery goo and got briefly possessed. And it is about to get worse. But it’s fine.
#Tfw one of you gets stuck at the bottom of a 1919 Molasses Flood reenactment except the molasses is alive and eating you#and the other one of you gets bodily possessed by the god of plague#and when you finally escape (only managed for and through each other) you run until you collapse and then just hold each other desperately#having a normal one over here#DoR#dead on revival#father kilter#pigeon#my art#art: pigeon#haha cool.#the past several sessions have been DOOZIES! like the past 4 consecutive ones just insane. except for Buggy Wonderland: Isopod Heaven Now#which was a fun side thing lmao#ttrpg#ironsworn#revenant#tiefling#it immediately got immensely worse after this also. never before have they both come so close to dying. STOP#GOING INTO CAVES! this is an anti cave delving psa#art: DoR
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"It will just end how it started"
#only friends the series#only friends#ofts#neo trai#mark pakin#i am living for them#glad nick found out in ep 3 and we have now a bunch of episodes of them just making everything worse for each other#nick really worked so hard on keeping boston i want to hug him#his proud smile after jerking boston off ;A;#and he tries to voice when he is uncomfortable and at the same time already realizes that boston is very much not on the same page#and my boy is already escelating listening in on the car sex#possible intended the bug for other reasons but baby - do not put yourself through hearing the whole thing in stereo....you could already#see them from the outside#have to had it to boston: he really nearly doesn't care at all about getting seen#p'jojo getting in his tweet <3#it is very telling that nick clearly knows who boston is but in his mind their encounters are just a tad more romantic with a focus on the#kissing they are doing and not so much the sex itself#fyi: i saved these gif files under the ship name 'tonnic'
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2012 Malaysian Grand Prix - Sebastian Vettel & Fernando Alonso
#it is like always palable shock whenever i notice how significant their height dif is#by significant i mean theyre both small to me so seeing that seb is actually noticeably taller is so ?????????#logically i know hes taller but still. it doesnt feel right#it just is not noticeable usually bcs theyre both often around taller men so to see proof of it breaks me#okay about these. they seemed pretty friendly with each other in early 2012 ngl 🥺#its one thing being friendly when youre on a podium or something bcs its courtesy even if theres tension imo#but them walking together randomly hehehehe 🤭🤭🤭#i wonder what they were talking about. i think they were prob going to the drivers meeting tbh#aaahh also there were other pics(but imago watermark ugh) and theyre just walking so close...pressed shoulder to shoulder#EEEEEEEEE seb always looks so pleased and happy and giggly to be talking to him#every day a catie in your area gets taken over by looking through vettonso pics. it is truly an epidemic.#you can only save her by talking to her about vettonso. ...might make it worse though.#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#2012 malaysian gp#I LOVE MALAYSIAN GP SO MUCH BRING IT BACK ALL MY FAV PICS ARE FROM SEPANG AAAGAHHHH
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Sorry but like
I think it needs to be said at this point

#sonic the hedgehog#fandom wank#tails the fox#miles tails prower#i just be ramblin#Sonic fandom will be like 'sonadow is SOOO toxic yaoi' or 'surgeamy is SOO toxic yuri' and then their idea of toxic yaoi/yuri is that the#characters redeem each other or secretly look out for each other even though they're a lil prickly#As someone who is a fan of both of these and a lot of the other toxic yuri/yaoi ships#'sonadow is so toxic yaoi however Shadow's actions in prime s3 come off as abusive'#'surgeamy is so toxic yuri. surge is dating her to get one up on Sonic and Amy is going to redeem her for the good guys'#Must I speak further?#For the record‚ a deficit of any content in a fandom is whatever. 'Make it yourself or commission someone' I know. it's just frustrating as#a fan of so called 'toxic yuri' and 'toxic yaoi' ships watching so many people go around calling themselves toxic yuri/yaoi enjoyers and#then. not depict toxic relationships with said ships#Meanwhile I see so much Sonic and Tails 'brothers' content that is just reskinned romance tropes#My favorite 'toxic yuri/yaoi' ships seem to have only the most vanilla content known to man but then someone will say 'Sonic and Tails have#the most profound relationship in all media. They complete each other. they better each other. They're soulmates. they're worse off without#each other. If anyone else tried to form relationships with Tails then Sonic would be jealous. They live together in their adult years.#Through Nine the writers showed just how attached Sonic and Tails are to each other‚ to the point that Nine only cares about Sonic and#living alone with him forever.' and then follow it up with '#the brothers of all time! Imagine Shadow saying he's Tails' brother and Sonic gets so jealous he considers killing Shadow so he can be#Tails' only brother! If you tag as ship I eat all your bones and harass you'#Okay okay I rambled for a minute. This meme is not a compliment😂#The short of it is 'so called toxic yaoi/yuri enjoyers creating solely fluff or characters who bicker fall in love' and 'so called Sonic and#Tails are brothers fans coming off as closeted sontails enjoyers and also betraying that they can only pair characters they hate as romantic#as being siblings'
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Vent/grief
#hhhhh it always feels weird going into the notes on an old post and seeing a person i knew who passed away#like just a random old fandom post#we werent close but like. it was nice always seeing that person at meetups and feeling welcomed by them#(since i was the newcomer there for college)#i was miserable but i still really miss that time in my life and think about all the ppl i met there all the time#fuck im crying lol i wish id been better friends with literally anyone there but especially that person too#fucking social anxiety and people dying young and moving back and forth from college ugh#i wish i did a ton of things differently#i hate not being an outgoing social person#but thats how my family raised me - to be introverted and quiet bc im the weird one in this stupid rural town back at home#i had a taste at freedom and all i did was take a sip rather than the whole drink#its really hard looking back and judging myself tho bc i know i was really going through a lot w mental and physical health#but if i knew it was only going to get worse i wouldve pushed myself harder#i miss that person and everyone else i met there and its hard feeling like im not allowed to grieve for a person i hardly knew#i always feel like an outsider no matter where i am or the people im around#i dont have history with anyone so its like. how tf do u start over new when everyone else already knows each other#all the small moments of momentarily feeling like a part of a group meant so much to me#anyway im ugly crying now i gotta try to do something else#vent#personal#delete later / /#ShitPost.exe
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one day I will talk about the ptsd remus gets from the werewolf clans
#Its not the clans themselves that do it#He knows what his kind has to go through in order to survive#What traumatises him is the sheer fact that greyback#Puts werewolf vs werewolf and enjoys watching them a) fight each other for scraps#B) fight each other for amusement#And c) makes them want to hurt/kill people (muggles and wizard kind alike) for his own gratification#Its bad#Remus mental health plummeted in hbp#Along with losing sirius and how he feels for tonks#And then in a werewolf clan#Remus isn't doing too well anyway#And it gets worse for him#|| 𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖓𝖞 𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖕𝖞 𝖑𝖚𝖕𝖎𝖓 : ooc#ANYWAY#Also also mouldy voldy made frequent sweeps of the werewolf lairs#Attacking and killing any he didn't like#Or who he wanted to use#Remus only found favour bc greyback remembered him and took him in as a#Somewhat protege#Which messed remus up even more
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Discussing the NCR (Fallouts NV's Military Industrial Complex)
Fallout regularly discusses the idea of the military, its faults, its strengths, and most importantly, the psycho-social aspects of it regarding those who are members. We have seen a direct critique of the military generalized through the Enclave's overt nationalism, the hoarding of resources and indoctrination through the Brotherhood of Steel, and an almost eerily modern critique of the whole military-industrial complex through the NCR in New Vegas. In these series of posts, I will be focusing primarily if not exclusively on the last one.
The NCR we see in the game is strictly the military side of things and the depiction of active occupation during a time of eminent war, conflicting factions, and resource scarcity. It is in this we are missing a major factor that negatively affects the view of the NCR in the game and out: Civilian life along with citizen opinion on the military. While we do get Mojave civilian opinion on the military (often neutral or negative) we do not get those who are New California Republic citizens, not those who actually discuss the military more so not understanding the importance of the occupation and the President's choices.
We do not see how life is regularly lived by the average citizen as we have not seen New California in New Vegas, though, we get words and glimpses that the people are relatively content in the growing country minus the fact many people are not happy with the choice of encroaching on the Mojave. This most similarly reflects it's real-world application that many civilian citizens reject acquisition and war due to the economic effects it has on the country and the general violence/loss associated.
In this, we come to an issue of losing a perspective that is unique to the NCR as a military representative. The Brotherhood is notably a place where its active members are intertwined with its efforts, the young are raised to be scribes, paladins, etc... To where even if one is not fighting for The Brotherhood, they are still intertwined, it's propaganda is the life. The Enclave is even more cut n' dry in that it is mostly made up of government representatives. It is a group even smaller than the former, even more selective and intertwined that their propaganda IS a form of Eugenics. The NCR is unique in that there is a clear distinction between what is the military force, the civilian population, and the choice if one wants to be a part of the former.
There is a distinct difference in the cultures of the factions you are born into and those you must enlist or join (forcibly for some). While this is a long-winded way to get into the actual discussion I want to facilitate throughout these posts I wanted an initial background post to understand the aspects I am and am not exploring and explaining along with a hub post to link everything I intend to discuss in the coming days and weeks, starting with:
Why Do People Join the NCR?
...which will be discussed and linked back here like everything else regarding to this topic.
Links: TBA
#fallout#fallout new vegas#new california republic#these will be longer posts so be warned#prepare to be sick of me#you thought i could yap before#should pin this but Im just gonna link it in the pinned post to be concise and since this isnt just a fallout blog I just am just obsessed#plus I dont want it to be centered focus while im only half way through with the first word doc#the three posts are just the beginning on my disection of the NCR and how the MIC is shown through it cuase#like pls its so much more nuanced with the specific ways each character in the faction interacts#at least the ones you can talk to and have options for like i know so many people do independent route but its so intriguing and you get ho#the military takes advantage of people but also how the individuals try or believe they fight for a good cause cause of all the brain washi#like some perpetuate and others dont but its a system that just gets worse the higher you go like grrrrr#a take cant be nuanced if you refuse to look or discuss the reasonings of another side or generalize their arguement through a personal len#like you need to be objective at points cause while you may feel a way in an analysis the context explains why in canon they feel a way#a retrospective on tumblr??? shocker#was gonna make this one giant mega post but it wouldve been cluttered and i wanna space them out cause its a lot to work on in one sitting#and what if I want to be silly in between???
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having a bad time
#can’t stop thinking about how bad i feel#both emotionally and physically#and then when i try to stop thinking about it and just feel it#it becomes completely unbearable#keep thinking about how i’ve ended up so alone/lonely again#and how much i cannot comprehend or accept or tolerate that#and then i’m just like well all this pain is too much for me to bear#so i wish i just didn’t exist instead#i will probably never get out of feeling this way#and like i knowwww i will eventually and feelings pass and pain passes or at least changes#but i will end up back in the same feeling or at least a similar one#that is inevitable#and i feel like i’ve not only reached my limit with myself#but like the world has reached its limit with me#i feel like there is nothing left for me unless i create it myself#maybe that’s just reality#but i feel like no one else cares about what i create#and maybe i’m wrong but i’m too scared to share it or even TRY to do it#because i can’t handle more of the same#humans NEED each other right?#but i have just been left behind too many times#and i can’t go through this again and again#i’m too tired#sometimes i really wish my health scare last summer just killed me for good#sorry for all of this lol#i hate being so traumatized that i can’t fucking function at a baseline#i hate being so sick nothing i do mattwrs#even resting is impossible#i rest in hope that i might not get worse and that’s the only illusion of control i have#the idea of getting better feels like a pipe dream at this point
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something something down by the river
yeah i could draw something other than two characters gazing at each other with utter heartsick longing but I know what i'm about son
#beware the tags#oh no the vampire spawn is falling in love with the spider princess#also you will never guess where i got inspo from#yeah it was the man from uncle#i will make him look *more* lovesick dont worry. this is gonna rival my martin/hok stuff bc god#i still have not finished his quest bc i know its gonna make me step away from the game for probably 3 days while i recover#ugghhhh i am gonna scream! bc like the fucking headcanons i have about him and my evil little mermaid tav#she's never seen the ocean. bc menzoberanzzan. so when they finally get to the city she's like fuckin. struck by it.#never seen anything so big in her life. so to explain my running along the coast for hours to unfog the map i imagine he's humoring tav#and acting exasperated by her fascination with the water but he secretly thinks is adorable#and she doesn't know how to navigate a city like baldurs gate. bc where are the spires? the stalagmites? where are the stairs?#so he (knowing the city so well) has to basically be her guide/lead her through the whole thing otherwise it would take them 3 years#to find anything.#MEANWHILE she's having a crisis grieving over her recently dead spouse and fleeing her home for failing her 5th trial#and wants revenge on lolth of all things#so they make a little 'revenge pact' to each other but she's being slowly shown signs of eilistraee and having trouble letting go#bc she can never return home. and she misses her baby brother terribly bc he's only 12 and all 6 of her other siblings are not nice#and she's either gonna take the crown to become a god or have a breakdown at night by the water where she decides to move on#they can make each other better they can make each other so much worse
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Trying to make Vanyel and Staven’s relationship as unhinged and weird as possible
#I think that they would make each other so much worse#I’m imagining a dumpster fire so terrible that the families stage an intervention#they’re not romantic. they’re not platonic. they’re not fraternal. they’re not antagonistic. whatever they are it’s worse than any of those#their lives are tangled together forever but only Vanyel gets a second chance. Staven is alone forever#and Vanyel is both the closest he can get to what he lost and the most painful reminder of what he lost at the same time#they facetime for hours every day for a month and then don’t talk to each other for three years.#being in the same room as the two of them together is unbearable.#Vanyel tries one (1) time to explain what’s going on to his therapist but gives up halfway through bc it’s one of those things that is both#inexplicable to an outside AND something he doesn’t want to fix#anyway. this dynamic might evolve and change as i write more of it but for right now i think weird™️ is the play#gay herald in a squirrel suit
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im just saying how fucking pissed would viago be if he lost not just one but TWO crows to the dellamortes. TWO separate de riva’s who are so horrendously down bad for two different dellamortes. sorry viago. the comedy here is insane and teia knows it
#da spoilers#gilraen ma’hrai#julian de riva#julian is in his late 30s/early 40s and was childhood besties with illario#and both of them are down bad for each other#gilraen is so unique that viago is only mad for the sake of his reputation#how are you gunna be mad when you realize the scrawny teen you and teia took in to train as a crow as a reward for breaking into teias house#is fucking zevran arainais daughter#and not only that she managed to sneak away from her parents - THE HOF AND ZEVRAN - without them realizing until it was too late#sure she put her parents through hell thinking she was dead or worse#nah she just has insane trauma now speedrunning her crow training#where others would get theres done over the course of a decade or more gil had to do the majority of it in three#its a damn good thing her parents taught her how to fight and how to fight well. and that she was already practiced#on taking that killing blow just in case#its the little things#talking mari#i accidentally wrote an essay in the tags about gil
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"The longer we can keep building, the longer we can keep creating, the longer we can tolerate being incomplete."
- Chuck Palahniuk, Choke
#chuck palahniuk#choke#quote#this continues my theory that choke is the reprise to fight club#the idea that love and community is the answer above all#these social ills and megative feelings that people have is due to the lack of love and community that we (americans#/men) have today#a theme of fight club often forgotten#its a real problem that men struggle to forge deep meaningful connections with other people#so they do things like find a gf asap and then treat her terribly#or forge the most toxic and evil friend group (project mayhem#) and only get worse through each other#(project mayhem/alt-right pipelines#common areas#for men to find support from other men#the answer to these social problems is creating more healthy outlets for young men#building more loving environments and communities for them to feel safe in
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wait no sorry one last quick immature bitch moment
the more I find out about how this person has behaved in both this relationship and a bunch of other relationships, the funnier it is how much they like to set themselves up as a like. authority on ethical nonmonogamy and consent and conflict management.
when like. they constantly sexually assault people to prove a point, pressure their partners into shit, got into enm by cheating on 3 people concurrently, and literally every time a problem in their orbit is brought up it gets explained away without anything actually changing, or they cry about how hard it is until everyone says OH NO IT'S FINE DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
you know. very "call yourself a Community Organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates" energies.
#red said#I'm mad tbh i know in being bitchy but this blog is my safe space to be bitch on#and this shit has been building up for years. not even just in my relationship with their partner. since the first time i meet them#in like 2018#and having this chat with my pal last night now I'm no longer second guessing myself bc of my relationship has uhhh Crystalised Some Things#especially getting some new context on where a lot of the tensions and sensitivities I've been aware of for ages are from#also tbh when we broke up my ex led off with 'i know you think this is about [partner] but it's not' and i was like. it is though.#it's not the only thing but it's been a common thread through every piece of tension in that relationship#not saying if the partner wasn't there we'd have been together forever. i don't think that's true and I'm glad things went the way they did.#cause w were good for each other and breaking up was also good for us#but their partner has really caused me so so so so so much turmoil for years and i haven't felt able to acknowledge that cause it makes me#feel like an asshole. but like. OK SO I'M AN ASSHOLE. I'M FUCKING MAD AT THEM.#they are manipulative and controlling and they treat their partner like shit and they have perpetually made my life worse#i like a lot of things about them and i do feel for them. we share a lot of similar issues and i do understand how they feel a lot.#but fuck me they treat everyone around them so badly and a good chunk of the reason i ended things with their partner#is that i was so fucking sick of being told i was wrong and just didn't understand how hard they had it whenever i brought up#one of the many many many shitty things they did to me or to our partner or to our friends.#multiple times i left a situation in a fully fucked up mess and my partner came to apologise for how their partner has behaved#and within minutes it would turn into them explaining to me how it wasn't really their fault and i shouldn't be so hard on them#and like fuck that. had enough of that in my life with my previous ex.#anyway. yeah. i am probably being more didactic and aggro here than i genuinely feel. but there's some room for that anger i think#and i did get some room for it to breathe last night and that's good and helpful.
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i don't really care if bostonnick are going to be endgame or not (i think it's kind of pointless to get attached to ships in that way in this show) but i NEED to see more of them after their break up and i need them to be utterly unable to move on from each other
i hope nick spends the rest of the series scheming to win boston back regardless of how many people he hooks up with in the process and i hope boston goes absolutely batshit insane over nick's betrayal
#bostonnick#i can't understand people who want nick to move on from boston#the way they can't seem to let each other go is what makes them so compelling#both of them can't get enough of each other#and boston has been a dick to everyone except for nick#he choose to put himself through this willingly#they are hilarious i need them to get worse#only friends
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there's an outbreak of BPD in men and it's called The Manosphere.
Since they are men and we villainize men more readily, everyone's insisting that "no it's not BPD, it's Covert NPD / Compensatory NPD". Failing to realize that these two conditions are the exact same thing. BPD is literally just the unstable and more openly wimpy version of NPD.
The core psychology of both disorders is the same solipsistic, self-obsessed sociopathy where you are completely driven by your insecurities and you view other people as mere tools to ease your constant suffering.
#Or if you wanna get more esoteric they are both cases of malevolent demonic possession#In BPD / NPD the demons channel themselves through you and act malevolently through you and jump to others thru you#You become a channel for nasty forces#In depression the demons just get you down and make you useless and devastated#Milder stuff like depression is the precursor to stuff like BPD and NPD#it's a spectrum of how much hold the demons have on you#Cluster A disorders (schizophrenia variants) is different#It means your perceptions are tuned to different frequencies than the frequencies of this reality#And you struggle to keep your perceptions exclusively within this reality#So you see stuff that is indeed real but others think it's not there#However whilst what schizos see might be real... they are still delusional... Both can be true at the same time because#Schizophrenics are not able to put all the things they're seeing into the correct context#They're not able to understand “ok that's of a different frequency reality to this one”#It's like they've lost control of their radio tuning fork or whatever it's called#Picture the frequencies randomly changing numbers on your car radio... Imagine the channels changing chaotically due to power malfunction#That's a schizo brain#Suddenly the channel changes without ur control or worse two / three channels overlap at the same time#If you've never experienced how reality is just a set of frequencies and you're the radio... this will sound super mumbo jumbo to you#A normal person stays on the same few channels which are all right next to each other and chooses when to switch between them#And only ever hears one channel at a time
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