#(which. i try to make it a point to not check my friends list regularly bc it always makes me feel queasy to see her name n pfp)

[arahir]

Real talk..do you have any real advice on how to make friends as an almost 30 year old woman…

three easy (coughcough) steps: 1) pick an activity 2) commit to the horror of being known 3) know when you're vibing and know when to pack it up.

pick an activity. mine are gardening, hiking, reading, writing, geology, and chickens, and i've made and kept friends through each of those. make your own list of things you want to do, and want to meet other people who do. you can do it in a structured setting, which i recommend. most cities have clubs, activities, and people who are trying to organize. my city has... regular volunteer clean ups along the river, organized hikes, a few very nice community colleges where you can take random classes, gardening events, silent book clubs, a discord for lonely 30 year olds, etc. likewise, you can meet people online through these activities. writing has got me a lot of great friends! having these activities is also important because it will let you keep the friends you start to make by giving you built in places to show up together.

commit to the horror of being known. i don't know how else to put this. it will be embarrassing. you will say stuff and you will go "why the fuck did i say that?" and they will say stuff and you'll think the same thing. this is, unfortunately, how it works. you have to be a fucking idiot at times, and it's fine, because no one wants to be friends with someone who takes themself too seriously. be embarrassingly into whatever you're into. and then when you meet someone you think could eventually be a friend, you have to put a feeler out there. my favorites are "hey have you been to X on Y? i really want to check it out." "have you seen X and do you want to see it?" "we should grab coffee!" it works a surprising amount of the time. all you really need to make a friend is one good conversation and one person throwing a line to another.

know when to pack it up. okay unfortunately, if you're doing this regularly, you're going to meet people who you do not actually want to be friends with. also unfortunate: it isn't dating, and you can't break up the same way. i met a girl who thought i was her reincarnated lover from the 1300s. i met a girl who tried to recruit me into a sex cult. i met a woman who tried to get me to join a lesbian farming commune. i met a guy who seemed cool and then tried to cheat on his girlfriend with me. we roll. and sometimes, we roll away from people, at extreme speed. guard your time and do not waste it on people you don't want to be friends with.

other points i'll add are: consistently follow up with people (even if that means adding them to a calendar), understand when you are the one not being vibed with and don't take it personally, don't lie to try and be what you think someone wants you to be, and practice. all of this takes practice. i was largely friendless for a lot of years because i didn't like talking to people, couldn't not try to be cool around them, and was a shitty person. you're already ahead on all three counts. and another word of encouragement: making one friend usually means making a half a dozen, because people will bring their own friends with them. i've certainly made a lot that way. it's really only a process you have to go through a few times before it starts coming faster and easier. good luck anon! <333

[brain-n-body-in-disarray]

What the h*ll is "basic hygiene" anyway?

If you're like me, you've been struggling with hygiene for a long time. I'm neurodivergent, I have chronic fatigue and chronic pain, so yeah, it's been hard, my whole life.

Here's a few tips that helped me or some of my friends.

1. Redefine "basic hygiene"

No, really. Redefine it. Neurotypical and able-bodied people will tell you all can of things about what is "basic" hygiene.

The rule is: do what you can. That's it. The rest of the post will be tips to increase what you can do. But in the meantime, just do your best. You're fantastic the way you are.

2. Time

There's two thing here.

The first is: find the right time for you. It's not always easy, because we often have obligations, and we're supposed to be clean at those right moments. It's not easy. Sometimes it "helps" because it gives us that "boost" we needed to start getting clean, but most of the time it's just stressful. So instead find the moment that works best for you. I know there's moments in the day when it'll be easier for me to start tasks that I would struggle with at an other time, but I prioritise other things instead for a reason or another. Try washing yourself then, even if people will tell you it's strange to have a shower at three pm. Who cares.

The second is: divide to conquer. You don't have to wash ALL the parts of your body at once. You don't necessarily have the energy for it and it's okay. Also it can feel daunting to face that long list of steps. A body has a LOT of parts to wash and clean. Really, that's scary and exhausting. So the solution might be to do smaller things here and there. Do what you can when you can, that's okay. At least you've done something, that's great!

You are also allowed to take breaks in the middle. It can help if you are tired, or if it makes you anxious.

3. Wipes.

I personally hate washing with soap and water, whether it's a bath, shower or just at the sink. It takes time, it's a lot of steps, and it feels horrible. I do it when I can, but I don't enjoy it. The partial solution is wipes.

Baby wipes are great, they're soft, some smell good but faint, some has no odor. You can clean yourself quickly without rinsing. And they don't let that terrible feeling on your skin.

There's wipes made for your private parts. Which is an important part to clean. Also wet toilet paper is good. (For private parts wipes, buy the organic ones, you don't want anything too harsh there)

Make-up removal wipes are not just to remove make-up. They do clean you face.

Don't use antibacterial wipes though. At least not regularly. They are too harsh for your skin, you'll just damage it. Also too much antibacterial stuffs just make bacterias more resistant.

Bonus point: wipes can easily be carried in a bag. Handy.

4. Charts and lists and apps.

Whether you forget to do it or it you have done it already, or you can't get motivated, or you can't manage to start washing, or there's so many steps you get overwhelmed, or you start but can't remember what to do next, etc., those tips might help.

There's apps like Habitica (it's the most well known but there's others) that help you building habits and remembering to do stuffs and making it fun (help with rewards). It's about general tasks but can be applied to washing. A friend also told me there's a pokemon app to brush your teeth but I haven't tried it.

If you get overwhelmed by the steps and get lost in the middle, making a list of those steps, laminating and putting it in the bathroom near the sink or in the shower can help you keeping tracks. You can even put a dry erase marker near the list to check what have already be done.

5. The "bath buddy"

If you live with someone, you can ask their help.

I'm not saying they have to wash you. Or maybe I am? A friend takes his showers with his boyfriend to help getting motivated.

It can just be your platonic roommate behind the door talking to you, telling you funny stories.

Having company can help start the task and make it more enjoyable which help in itself but also make it less daunting the next times. Having a bath buddy also helps if you get lost in the middle of a task, they can tell you what the next step is. They can also keep you on tracks and in the present (I know I tend to dissociate a lot in the bathroom). And they keep your mind off the bad stuffs (body dysphoria for example, or sensory discomfort)

6. You're never too old for "kids' stuffs"

Because you're never to old for fun stuffs.

No, really, there's no reason why you should deprive yourself of something that would make washing more fun.

Wash your teeth with bubblegum flavored toothpaste.

Play with bathtoys. Buy those little plastic boats and those little squirting animals. (Seriously, the fact that the only fun thing for bath for adult is bubbles is a crime)

The word here is "fun". Make the bathroom fun. Buy a shower curtain with cute elephants playing with water. Put adhesive ducks on the tiles. Make that darn room a place you want to be in, not just to distract you from the bad stuff but to enjoy your life.

7. Teeth. Oh no, the teeth.

First thing: as I said, you don't have to use that "adult toothpaste". The menthol contained in it can be sensory hell. You can use kid toothpaste, it cleans just as well. If you can't use any toothpaste try brushing without it with just water. You can also try toothpaste tablets (you chew on them and then brush). You can try mouthwash. You can try oil-pulling. The point here is to remove some bacteria from your mouth.

About brushing. There's different hardness in toothbrushes. If you're using hard, try medium. If you're using medium, try soft. If you're using soft, try baby toothbrush. If no toothbrush works for you, try a wet cloth, or your finger. Try using toothpicks to remove the remains of food and then use mouthwash.

If the storebought mouthwash doesn't do with you, make it yourself. There's recipes online with essential oils (optional, but maybe there's one you might like), baking soda and water. (I don't recommend using lemon juice, it might damage your enamel.)

My friend just told me I should mention dental floss. I personally hate it, but it might be useful to some of you. It's probably more effective than toothpicks. They also comes mounted on these little plastic sticks if you struggle with the thread alone.

8. Chair

No, really, you have the right to sit down during washing. Buy a shower chair. Put a bench on your bathtub instead of struggling to stand up. Put a chair in front of the sink to sit when you brush your teeth.

You don't have to be physically disabled to use a chair to wash. And if you're disabled there's still no shame. Standing up can be boring, it can be painful, it can be tiring. So sit. You are allowed.

And if you prefer standing, do. You can pace. You can dance. You can do gymnastics. (Just be careful if you're brushing your teeth, okay. Or if you're in the shower. Don't hurt yourself.)

9. Music

If you don't have a buddy to talk to you, music or even podcasts, anything to listen to, can be a nice way to help. They makes the experience more enjoyable. They keeps your head away from the bad sensory experience or the awareness of your own body.

I also find using the same playlist useful to keep track of the time I've been spending in the shower. I even time the steps on the tracklist, I know I washed that part of my body for long enough if that song is over, I need to do the next step.

Also, for me me music is part of the ritual. It helps me to get in the right mind, it motivates me, it makes the routine.

10. Multi-purpose products.

I've seen all those beauty posts about "layering". It's nice if you have the energy and the time, but no, it's not for me.

I hate moisturising creams. I really do. They smells funny, they feels gross and sticky, and it takes forever to apply. It's an unnecessary step for me. But I have dry skin (at least on my body). The easy solution is to use surgras soap or surgras shower gel. (Not just the "moisturising" soap, that won't hydrate as well.)

I don't just remove the unpleasant experience of moisturiser, I remove a step. I save energy.

Also, multi-purpose products help with organisation, there's less things to think about. There's less risk of taking the wrong bottle because you're too headfogged. Less chance of chaos in the bathroom.

I personally can't do that for everything. I'd like to have one soap for everything, but my body skin and my face skin and my private parts and my hair all need different stuffs. But I do try to keep things to a minimum, because the number of products can be quickly overwhelming. So try to balance your sensory needs with your organisation problem.

(Also, if like me you hate the feeling of moisturiser, aloe vera gel is great. It is a bit sticky, but in a different way than cream. I personally prefer that one. There's also the option of oil, there's different kinds for different skin types, even for oily skin.)

11. Japaneses know best: the bidet.

This one might sounds strange for some folx. Where I live, bidets used to be extremely common but they are disappearing. We used to have a bidet next to the toilets in our homes. Japanese toilets have a built-in bidet but they are expensive. There is a cheaper (but still not cheap) alternative. You can buy a bidet toilet seat attachment to put on your own toilets.

Why am I telling you about bidet? Because when you struggle to wash regularly, bidets are incredibly useful.

Toilet paper is highly unhygienic. Wet toilet paper is a bit better. Bidets, that spray a jet of water on your privates, clean so much better.

And they are easy and quick to use. You just press a button and you are clean.

If you have a vagina, it's even more important, because it lowers significantly the risks of getting UTI and the likes.

If you can afford it, I recommend it.

12. The hat, or "well, f*ck it"

You can fail to wash in time for whatever obligation you have. That's okay.

Just use the card "camouflage".

Greasy hair? If they are long, brush them and tie them tightly, and put on a fashionable hat. Or you favorite, silly, hat. Or just a random hat that your aunt gave you (you know the one, you wondered for three weeks if you smiled enough when you received the gift because you didn't want to offend her). Scarfs are nice too.

Other idea to hide greasy hair? A wig. They are higher maintenance, but they are good to have for occasions where you have to look a bit better or if you can't wear a hat for whatever reason.

About odors... Well you know the trick of deodorants and perfume. Not what I recommend, at least not alone. For once not everyone can stand their smell. Also, they aren't that great to succeed at masking odors. If you can, use wipes to clean your armpits (also the underbreasts if you have them) and the neck and chest area. It might not remove all the odors but it'll help and with some deodorant if you can stand it, you should be good.

About deodorant: you can use a dollop of moisturiser (yes, I know I said I hate them, but listen), it will help to stop the formation of odors but the fragrance is usually mild or absent. It's also less harsh than the usual deodorant. You only need a small amount for it to work. You just need to clean before (wipes should be enough)

13. Don't stew in your dirty clothes.

Try to change your clothes often even if you don't wash. Especially your underwears.

I know it might sound counterintuitive to wear clean clothes when your skin is dirty, but staying in old clothes is like wearing a petri dish. By keeping the same clothes on you, you also keep the bacterias that live on it and your body.

It's especially bad in some areas, like your private parts, your feet and your armpits.

If you live alone, or if you live with someone who don't care, don't put clothes on at all. You'll just stew in your bacterial crock pot otherwise.

Staying naked also has the upside of reducing the amount of laundry you have to do.

14. Use your strengths.

Sometimes it's as simple as using your other hand because your dominant one is achy.

Sometimes it's listening to a podcast about your special interest.

You're an artist? Put a whiteboard in the shower. Or, I don't know, draw your body, laminate the drawing, and color the parts you have already washed with a dry erase marker.

Your thing is to make lists of animals of Paraguay? Recite them alphabetically and make a song with them while you brush your teeth and wash your face and clip you nails.

Dancers here? Each movement you make is part of a choreography.

15. Aftercare.

Hygiene is immensely stressful and energy consuming. You don't just deserve a reward, you need aftercare.

It's okay to take a nap. It's okay to need to engage with your special interest. It's okay to need a hug. It's okay to want to be alone. It's okay to feel bad too. Have a cry. Be moody. Don't be ashamed of what you feel. Of course it's better if you manage to avoid these emotions. But it's okay if you have them.

And give yourself a little treat. Have a cup of your favorite tea. Put a shiny sticker in your "things I've done good today" diary. Cuddle with your pet. Read the Swedish dictionary.

Drink a glass of water and eat something.

Also, if you have chronic pain, like I do, take your meds. (My joints are always a bit achy after standing too long, or my shoulder are stiff after washing my hair)

Write an essay about why keeping up with your hygiene is a pain.

Do what you want and do what you need.

16. Shame has no place in the bathroom.

If you've read my previous post, you know what I mean.

I've said it in this post, it's okay to struggle, to not be perfect, or as perfect as neurotypicals and able-bodied people say we should be. Their criterias are bullcrap.

Shame won't help you to keep up to these unachievable standards. They'll just undermine you.

Also, it's okay if some of what I've said here seems unachievable also. I shared what helps me and some of my friends, but your needs might be different and that's totally okay. Maybe someone will make a post with tips that'll help more? I hope so.

Anyway, you do what you can and you congratulate yourself for it. Every step is an achievement worth of praise.

[cilil]

2024 Writing Retrospect

Thanks for the tag, @tragedybunny!

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

Simply put, I noticed somewhere along the road that I'd somehow managed to learn to write faster overall. I suppose it's a thing that comes with practice, so it makes sense.

How has your writing developed this past year?

Aside from improving my writing speed, I've been picking up many new characters, even an entire new fandom and trying out different formats and different kinds of stories. I feel like I've also managed to be a bit more "creative" and "going with the flow" in my style to (hopefully) counteract the rigidity and lack of purple prose that comes with the writing that's required in my professional field.

Good writing habits?

Writing regularly, almost every day in fact, and avoiding writing burnout (see below).

Bad writing habits?

Procrastinating on things and simultaneously taking on too many projects at once, which nearly led to a total burnout, but I managed to just barely avoid that by nuking my project list.

Favorite thing you wrote?

It has to be Dead Heart, Still Beating. It's just what I'm most proud of and what consistently keeps "giving".

Favorite reads?

So unfortunately 2024 was a bad year reading-wise due to irl stress keeping me from it and me deciding to invest every little bit of energy I had left into writing instead. I've been awful at keeping up with stuff, but also don't want to force myself.

Therefore - among the great works I've had the pleasure of reading throughout the year I want to point to the amazing gifts I received. The skill of fandom authors and the way my friends just read me like a book (pun intended) continues to amaze me.

Biggest win?

What happened on November 3rd. Those who know know, but the tdlr is: 39 drabbles in one evening and one go.

Aside from that, it's the fandom friends for sure, both new and old. I'm surrounded by so many great and cool people and I want all of you to know that even if I don't manage to talk to you super often I still love and appreciate you and think about you. Additionally, I entered an entirely new community where I knew nobody and was welcomed so nicely there that I ended up with several new screenshots in my mental health folder :)

It feels good to no longer feel like the world always hates you. Thank you for letting me experience that. I thought I'd live life in fear of who dislikes me for being me next forever and now I even get to find myself... quite cool.

Goals for the new year?

Not entirely sure if we'll get through Dead Heart to be honest - depends on my speed and I won't rush - but either way I want to keep working on it consistently and in a way that'll make it worth the wait.

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

I'm not telling you that because otherwise you'll look for them and laugh at me >:( /j

Jokes aside, that depends on the fic. It's like, in one specific work there may be one to three words that become the new favorite and I... think I at least usually notice either during writing or editing.

What are you excited for in the new year?

Writing more of my nonsense and you bet I will!

No pressure tags: @abyssalbloom @sauron-kraut @saintvoids @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras @fishing4stars

[hillbillyoracle]

So I’m trying Instagram again for the duration of Venus retrograde. 

I felt like I couldn’t really write what I wanted to in social sobriety without seeing if all the research I’ve done over the last year impacted how I use it. 

Right away I unfollowed so many accounts. A lot were people I knew but didn’t interact with much anymore and I wasn’t super interested in trying to rekindle a friendship with them. A lot were also topical accounts that just regularly made me feel pretty bleh. If I scrolled through a few and found myself wanting to comment to argue on a few of their posts - they were gone. Think I cut my following list by over half. 

When you do that, Instagram runs out of content to show you pretty quickly and since I’ve been off of it for the year, it really has no clue what to fill in the gaps with. The advertising especially feels gross so I’m usually done pretty quickly. 

Some thing I’m noticing though - even people I’m mutuals with and interacted with regularly before, I have to go hunting for their posts AND their stories. Like...this is not a good app. So I will probably come up with a list of the main people I want to check in on semi regularly and collect links directly to their profiles to I can see their stuff.

There’s so much friction to use the app for what it is I want to use it for that I don’t feel as in danger of getting sucked in like I used to. But we’ll see if that holds. 

For the purposes of the experiment, I’m looking to see if I can nurture relationships which I’ll measure by seeing if: 

I can get more romantic and platonic dates irl

I have more good 1-on-1 conversations with people in DMs

I have genuine fun playing with the creative confines of it as a platform

For the purposes of the experiment, I’m trying to limit feelings of stress or overwhelm which I’ll measure by seeing how often I: 

Check the app without really intending to (compulsively)

Argue in the comments of a post

Feel like I can’t stop scrolling even though I want to

Notice I’m not limiting time. Historically I have sucked with time limits so I’m not starting with that. That’ll probably be a last ditch effort to make it work if I have to. But hopefully I’ll find a balance without that. 

So we’ll see how this goes. I like that I have a natural stopping point to review how it’s going that isn’t “oh no I’m addicted again”. Crossing my fingers I can figure it out because my friends did not migrate to other means of keeping in touch well. 

[kayoticmusings]

𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝒾𝒹𝒹𝓁𝑒 ♡𝒻 𝒿𝓊𝓃𝑒…

hey, roleplayers—it's summertime, and i have a little time for a few new discord plots! some basics about me: 30+, us based, highly experienced writer and roleplayer. i try to be as communicative as possible, and i like when i can find partners who can do the same; whether it be about chatting on how we see the thread going, or giving a heads-up before prolonged absences - communication makes for the best writing experience imo. 𝔂𝓮𝓼 𝓹𝓵𝓼: -•» collaborative and active plotting before and during diving into some fun -plots, regular sharing of headcanons, inspo, playlists, and all that fun stuff. -•» semi-consistent activity (this does not mean daily or even weekly activity, just a general standard expectation range.) -•» mumus!! -•» well-plotted dynamics with a good heaping of smut (for ships, specifically) that adds to the plot instead of becoming the sole purpose. 𝓷𝓸 𝓹𝓵𝓼: -•» muns or muses under 20 years old - sorry! -•» lack of engagement in plotting, complete radio silence ooc, ghosting after deciding on a plot -•» rudeness ooc -•» mary sues/gary stus + overly self-insert plots 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓭𝓮𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓵𝓼: pls check out my rules, wanted opposites etc, but there will be some things under the read more as well! just know i will ask a lot of clarifying questions on the regular, and it is less that i'm not understanding you, and more so that i want to make sure we are both on the same page! before exchanging discords i would like to see a writing sample (either on your blog or from somewhere else) just to make sure we are compatible before making a server and all that! if interested, feel free to message me directly or ♡ this post, but please have a specific idea (from listed or your own) in mind! 𝓼𝓮𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓸𝔀 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓼𝓹𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓯𝓲𝓬 𝓽𝓸𝓹 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓭𝔂𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓬𝓼!

first and foremost, i'm not strictly looking for ships! while i would like a primary ship or two (love a good mumu) i also adore friend dynamics, family dynamics, and all that shit

environmentalist who regularly gets arrested x their public defender

terrible rich people and the chaos they cause in their inner lives (really would prioritize a mumu here) with a quick example being s.uccession

small town where everyone knows each other + add on some sort of event or trial in which some characters get to see new sides of each other (loosely panic (2021)) inspired) + can easily add southern gothic themes here

hot summer gothic summer vibes! especially with a newcomer in town

university plots (especially any rival dynamics in these settings)

camp counselors (all college-aged and up)

spooky stuff! (hauntings, true crime, paranormal cults)

supernatural SOL •» vampires (vibe wise: blade, trueblood, interview with a vampire) •» witches (not hp related, but definitely darker magical elements) •» fae (with borrowed lore from pagan stuff +the author h.olly b.lack)

on again/off again toxic couple dynamics (bonus points for reality tv vibes)

bright young (inexperienced) political newcomer x jaded grumpy experienced city councilperson [possibly some p.arks & recs vibes]

teachers that have been flirting all year and happen to see each other around during the summertime at a local dive bar (think abbott elementary)

teacher x adult brother/uncle of a student 1x1 meeting that develops into mutual interest

criminal + police chief's daughter (no actual cop characters as direct roleplayable characters tho <3)

crime plots! security guard x rich patron, dealer x opposing dealer, factions with a faction trying to usurp each other - truly endless ideas here

[unoisveimved-un-proffesional]

This post is made for me, and me alone okay.

Maybe I am weird, but I enjoyed Disco Elysium's gameplay. I notice a lot of people love the skills as characters and stuff, but I also super enjoyed hoarding and strategically spending points, gaining experience, going through dialogue options, building my Copotype and Politics, and comboing thoughts and clothes, failing checks and interactions, the gameplay loop. I myself actually really enjoyed the systems of the game, which I'm starting to notice isn't a very common opinion. People who like the game usually don't hate the mechanics ok, but the mechanics of Disco Elysium are very under-loved in my eyes.

I of course love the characters, the world, setting, all the non-game stuff, I probably wouldn't like what the systems had to offer if not for the way they're interacted with by the story and characters, which as a narrative focused game that kinda makes sense, and yeah no duh I wouldn't have liked it as much if it was presented worse, but I've probably spent the longest of anyone who hasn't worked on the game thinking about possible evolutions of the mechanics. It scratched an RPG itch I've had since I could understand what the acronym RPG meant.

I spent ungodly amounts of hours writing down paragraphs and lists of various forms and synonyms of Intelligence, Wisdom, Strength, Cardio, Constitution, Clairvoyance, and whatever just experimenting with stats, skills, systems and gameplay tropes in note books. I turned a diagram of the human muscle layer I drew into a visualized stat block counting each muscle down to individual fibers, and did the same for the brain, nerves, and soul, although that was for a tabletop martial arts fighting game with light philosophical elements, not an RPG, but still, that's how I felt about stats and skills. (I regularly tried to grade my friends and family with stats and skills also, just in case it ever became important to have and also for the hell of it. No duh I wasn't a normal child) To me, Disco Elysium feels like the system I was always trying to make.

Again, I would gladly put a hundred more hours into the game on top of my 250, and that's not just because the story and characters make the systems bearable or justifies them, but because I also love the systems and mechanics, the concepts behind them, and interacting with each of them. But that's just me, my opinion, my weird take, part of my specific not-normalness.

[readmanybooks]

A warm welcome & Introduction

Dear reader,

welcome to 'ReadManyBooks' Araya's View~!

In this blog I will mainly discuss reviews, recommendations, and simply share my thoughts on books. (Who would've thought- HA!)

Yeah, no... I simply need an outlet to share with people. My body contains a lot of feelings, thoughts and emotions about certain things and sharing this with friends who aren't that much into reading, which became a kind of a problem felt like trying to explain to an IT person, what brush you would use for doing your make-up. Or something similar to that, you feel me? So here I am on my balcony, throwing my thoughts left and right on how to do a proper introduction to so many random strangers, thinking of what could catch your interest to keep you here, captivated, locked in. With me. Alone. I mean we might share an interest here and there and that is probably why you even started reading this specific post in general, right? :')

Speaking of interest...

Reading has been on my hobby list for many, many years. By the age of 12, I read the book series 'The Faerie Path' by Allan Frewin Jones. It had me fully embracing and day dreaming of growing my own pair of wings and escaping the mortal life. It brought me into worlds and perspectives to life with someone else's view and wishing me to be there. I remember making 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green, my whole personality. (It was the first book I read in 7 hours without any breaks and lots and lots of tears.)

Just as I was fully diving into the endless depths of books, video games took a big toll on me. Once I got my computer set up into my room, and wasn't restricted to play hours anymore, I had become a gamer and after school hours, it has been more than 8 hours that I spent regularly in front of the flat screen. Playing the Sims or League of Legends with online friends I had made over the years.

Things were still the same until mid January 2024. At this point not only have I suffered from chronic migraines, but I also got plagued by the thought of sitting in front of the computer feeling useless and losing myself in games, like my so-called father. Guessing from how I talk about him, you should now know it is not the greatest connection that I maintain. But I made that decision and found my home back in my books. February started and I turned 25. Time flies. Yikes.

I set up a GoodReads Account, ordered way too many books and a kindle by the end of march. That I now came to the point, I wanna share all of this with you. Therefore I am writing this post hoping it will reach the right people to connect with.

My reading journey, began with Abby Jimenez's 'Yours Truly', sadly it didn't get into this year's reading challenge. It is not much not lost to be honest, but it makes me quite sad, that I started that series with book 2 instead of book 1. (I will still read book 1 and 3 in the future and review it, without book 2.)

I did some buddy readings with What.The.Book which I hope will also conclude into a featured review, from the both of us, when we comeback with buddy readings. Her Instagram page already has been a continuously book review page. So feel free, to check out to see what she has been up to.

For myself I have been following Leijla for quite a while, before reaching out and starting reading with her and gaining a wonderful friend. Books that we read were the full series of Pip's & Ravi's Crime thriller, 'A good girls guide to murder', 'Good Girl, Bad Blood' & 'As Good As Dead' by Holly Jackson and the first book 'Emily Wildes's Encyclopedia of Faeries' a novel by Heather Fawcett. We will continue the adventures of Emily in September. So be excited of what is to come. :) For myself, I am currently (1/6/24) 30 Books into my 50 Books reading Challenge of 2024. By mid March I was already at 20 Books in and I had to expand the goal for this year. There is no denying in not doing it again. I stopped the time for fun, and need 48mins and 36 seconds for 50 pages, without any breaks and interruptions. I wouldn't call myself a fast reader, but I read many books, because of a lot of free time that I have. I read at least one book on my kindle and 2 physical books.

My current ones are:

'The Housemaid' by Freida McFadden a Mystery Thriller following ex-felon Millie in her new job as a Housemaid, and figuring out her work life along her 'crazy' Employer Nina Winchester. Wondering what she has to bring to the story and what is behind people's talk about Nina.

'A Court of Mist and Fury' by Sarah J. Maas The second book of the Fae Romantasy 'ACOTAR' (A court of thorns and roses) (A mix between Romance & Fantasy), where Feyre, learns more about the politics and people of Prythian, with a soul of mortals and a immortal body.

'The Age of Magical Overthinking' by Amanda Montell Notes on Modern Irrationality. How ones internal thoughts can have an affect on unrelated events.

I will write a book review on 'A court of thorns and roses' shortly and follow up with the ones that I continue reading. But for a start this introduction hopefully will do. :) Will see you soon in the next post! Yours Truly, Araya.

[sandsoftide]

Ooooo I love your responses! I personally prefer numbers just because it’s easier for me to remember but I do respect noxcrew’s decision to make the event less sweaty lol. I realised after I sent the ask you had a post about missing buildmart (the beloved).

The question about players like Sapnap came as the reddit had a small discussion on if he would return. Most people agree that there’s no reason for why he can’t play unlike certain people (cough cough Punz) but if he does return that’s a different question. He doesn’t have many close friends who play regularly, he hasn’t been playing minecraft since Punz and George were called out and it’s well known that Sapnap is hard to put into a team. He can’t be PG, he only wants to play with some friends and Scott himself said that Sapnap is hard to put into a team because of said reasons. But I wanted to see an opinion outside of reddit lol.

Anyway more questions:

1, what do you think the new game is?

2, how do you feel about people claiming that the event is better because lots of ex dsmp members aren’t playing as much? Not counting the ones who were called out for horrible things, just former dsmp members not playing Eg, Philza, Tommyinnit, Foolish (Which is a wild take as Hbomb and CPK are ex-dsmp players and 3/4 of blue this mcc were so…)

3, what’s better, the new or old parkour warrior?

4, do you think someone in modern mcc could break Techno’s coin record?

5, the most difficult question yet, because Joel was playing mcc before becoming a hermit, should Hbomb have to play with Joel again to add him to his hermit list or do we add Joel to H’s hermit list without them playing together again?

That's a fair point about numbers, but for me I actually feel like most of the mccs in the late 20s/30s sort of blend together for me? although that could just be how season 3 was

Yeah, those are all also good reasons why he wouldn't. I could see trying to bring him back for like, hype/views, but I hadn't thought about how many of his viable teammates have quit the event LMAO. Probably for the best with the way noxcrew is trying to make things less competitive anyways. If nothing else I will miss having someone to root against, I guess

New questions :D thanks!!

for 1) i have absolutely NO idea. I REALLY hope its a team game, a redstone game would be fun but there's no way they actually would do that so. eh. Maybe something with players on different tracks going through a puzzle course, kind of like that one grid runners room with the pistons? Seems like minecarts are involved, anyways. I'd love to hear any theories you have!

2) People are saying that? that's dumb, lmao. I'm glad to see dt leave, but beyond them? Most of the dsmp crew were great sports and I think one of the best parts of mcc was getting to see different communities interact! I mean, a lot of them are moving past mc as a whole and mcc *has* been running for a very long time now, so I don't blame them for leaving, but I am sad to see them go. Although making room for newcomers is great too, and I love the variety of players we're seeing already for s4

3) new 100% old pkw SUCKED. it wasn't even fun to watch the good players, honestly. I hate old pkw but new pkw is actually really enjoyable! Lot more strategy, a lot more room for players to not feel like deadweight. still not my favorite game but it is honestly one of my favorite movement games

4) I mean, it's theoretically possible, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I mean it's been ages since someone's even broken 4k. I also just don't think we'll see a game lineup with the most high-scoring games, it'd make for a pretty unbalanced roster with basically no team games and that's no fun! but 4k maybe, especially if sg ever returns and the new game is point heavy.

5) woah, heavy hitter. I hadn't thought of that... I wanna say it should count. joel's always been so hermit adjacent anyways, so actually I'm checking now and they haven't teamed since SEASON 1???? No it doesn't count. solely because they should team again

[talenlee]

Story Pile: 2024 In Review

Few days have less of a ‘well, I’ll do it later’ energy than the 30th of December. It is a day where every problem is a January problem and people in my culture at least are recovering from the heavy weight of a holiday season. It is a day where most places aren’t open, most of your needs are met, and if you’re not going out there to do something neat like donating time at a charity, you’re probably at home, scrolling on your phone. You might even be looking for something to check out and asking yourself:

Hey.

What has Talen watched this year?

What’s his best of year list?

You, probably

Well, friend, let’s talk about that.

Not Talking About Anime

First of all, let’s grab everything I wrote about this year that I lump under ‘anime and manga,’ because that’s going to be part of a reflection I do next year, with Fox. It’ll be like our roundups, and it’ll be a shared conversation about them with someone who has been watching the same things with me. This isn’t to say that’s all that’s going to be here – after all, a bunch of the anime I wrote about this year isn’t new or timely at all, and some of the stuff was covered in last year’s conversation. Point is, if you are interested in anime, that is a conversation about anime for people who like anime. I’m not about to convince you to get into a hobby beloved by weirdoes and freaks, with a bunch of cultural buy-in.

Basically, me writing about and analysing anime is a different form of entertainment to actually watching that same anime and they’re for different audiences.

Not Talking about the Positronic Collection

Also, there’s the Positronic Collection, which is twelve movies that my friend Rachel gave me to watch. This isn’t because they don’t deserve attention but because hey, there’s a whole article presenting a book report on those movies. They’re good movies, they make a meaningful sense in relationship to one another, they provide a varied style of movies?

It’s a cool practice, you should make mix tapes of movies for your friends, do that. But they’re all good movies selected by someone who wanted me to watch some good movies she liked.

Long Form Series

I watched a few series this year. I rewatched the first four seasons of Dexter, for example, which I did as a sort of aggressive hate-watch, sped up to double speed to get through it quickly. That show is so much more bad parts than good, it’s hilarious, the cops are the worst. This year I also watched a lot of Lower Decks with a friend, enjoying the way that series finished its run, and I did a full rewatch of Gravity Falls with another friend which is a great testimony to just how good that series is.

As for new stuff that got into the Story Pile, I watched Arcane, season 1. Then I watched it again with a friend. Then I watched it again with Fox. It’s a really enjoyable series, and part of what makes it enjoyable is how it takes characters that basically don’t exist and reimagines them as people you can tell a story about. It’s a series that takes the vibes they found in the characters and tries to find scenes to express those vibes.

I also watched all of Helluva Boss (which is pretty good) and Hazbin Hotel (which is really good) this year. These were both fun shows with different vibes but a common root, and I like the overall frame of the kinds of stories they’re trying to tell. Plus when they play with music they both do a great job. You Will Be Okay is still a genuinely wonderful song, and I listen along to the Hazbin Hotel songs I definitely bought legally from Amazon Dot Ca regularly. These were also both watched with a friend, and while I’m in the same space, that’s why I watched Galavant, and I really enjoyed that, but we also watched X-Men 97, a series whose existence confuses me. Oh, and Harley Quinn has a great TV series, I watched three seasons of that and thought that it was great fun. Same as Star Trek Prodigy, which I finished up watching, and like, I don’t recommend it but I do recommend watching it with someone you love.

In each case: Watching with someone you love makes anything good.

Well, almost anything. I found I hit my limit on Bluey shockingly fast, considering how light impact and how praiseworthy it is, and wound up checking out of that series, even though Fox was delighted by it and watched everything it had to offer. I did wind up watching a few key episodes, but I didn’t have a great impression of it. I think fundamentally, a lot of the ideas of Bluey are about encouraging joy and whimsy in children and a good relationship with parents and my own damage makes that feel alienating, not aspirational.

Not that that’s all I watched! I watched Barry on my own, finishing a very good series with a perfectly good last season. In hindsight, though, you could hypothetically just not watch the last season and still have an excellent conclusion to that show. Not to say ‘the last season is bad,’ just it’s shocking how good the finale of the third season is.

I watched The Terror on my own, all in one night, thought it was really good. It’s prestige historical fiction, and it’s glum and grim, but you know, if you just want something that’s well made and going to creepy you the hell out and give you a cold feeling while the world is so warm, it’s a good one. Similarly, if you’re looking into something that’s all cold and chilly but has more and more fun swearing, you could check out Deadloch, which I also watched in a single night. Thought it was really good.

I did watch The Sopranos at the tail of last year and posted about it this year, but like… it’s fine. It’s fine!

Reading Material

I know I say I don’t read a lot, but that’s a kind of lie. I do read quite a bit but most of what I read is academic books and papers, which aren’t tons of fun to write about for entertainment purposes, but I also read a lot of manga. Just this year, I’ve read some or all of A Raven For All Seasons , Astro Boy, Catch These Hands, City, Dandadan, Dogsred, Dororo, Gleipnir, Gokurakugai, Heavenly Delusion, Hokkaido Gals Are Super Adorable, Inu-Yasha, Jujutsu Kaisen, Legend Of Dororo And Hyakkimaru, Love Flops, Marriagetoxin, Mashle, My Hero Academia, Neru: Way Of The Martial Artist, No More Loser Heroines, Ranma 1/2, Rascal Does Not Dream Of Bunnygirl Senpai, Ron Kamonohashi, Rust-Eater Bisco, Sakamoto Days, Set It And Forget It, Show-Ha Shoten, Sign Of Affection, The Elusive Samurai, The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t A Guy At All, The Hunter’s Guild: Red Hood, Wind Breaker, and Witch Hat Atelier. Some of those I’ve talked about on conversational podcasts with Fox, some got into this year’s Story Piles, but a lot of them are just… things I read and maybe I’ll write about them later. This isn’t even counting the one-shot fanservice and genderswap manga I’ve checked out because for some reason I don’t have bookmarks for them? I must have cleared them up when I finished reading them.

(Look out for Gleipnir, and hopefully Wind Breaker and Gokurakugai in the new year, depending on how they handle their ongoing publication time. Like I think Wind Breaker might not be over but it sure feels like it should be?)

Still, I also did read (and reread) some fiction this year. Particularly, I read the Bee and Puppycat comics, I reread Lords & Ladies by Sir Terry Pratchett, and I even read a new thing entirely, with The Traitor Baru Cormorant. It didn’t sing to me but I was glad I tried it! Also, I devoured the comic series Something Is Killing The Children, which I enjoyed a great deal. Tell you what, just after October is not a great time for me to read some horror media since its got to wait until next October to get onto a Story Pile!

Movies!

Setting aside the movies that I watched for the Positronic Collection, I did watch some movies this year, including Her, a surprisingly good show about a hypothetical AI-driven future where the AI decides to just fuck off and leave us behind (good move imho). I also spent some time watching A Very Corgi Christmas and A Tail of Love with Fox, which were both dire movies, in a very funny way. Those weren’t good, but watching them with Fox was great.

I also watched Hoot this year, which wound up being a properly fun movie made with an ideology I find myself fond of and an earnestness I find very enjoyable. While we’re talking about earnestness and ideological appreciation, I also really enjoyed Nimona, which I think came out last year, but y’know, whatever, new to me.

I know I wanted to watch Hundreds Of Beavers because it sounded funny and novel, but I haven’t gotten around to it. I’ve relistened to the Disney Animated Canonball a few times now and realise how much I enjoy that kind of movie analysis and thought about doing something like it with Fox again (but y’know, only so many hours in the day).

Summary

I think this year, I could have done more to read more, or reconciled the fact that reading manga is reading. It is, clearly, it has to be, but I have to get my head around being okay with the fact that I love reading comics when my brain is full and that’s still reading or I have to find some other way to think about my problem of ‘I don’t read enough.’

Because I still feel like, despite having gone through multiple books this year including some real doorstoppers like The Traitor Baru Cormorant and Lords and Ladies that I’m you know, I’m not reading enough.

Might just be protestant guilt.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[heartachebf]

[froths at the mouth and drops dead to the floor]

[bella-studyblr]

Task Management:

Creating + Maintaining a Schoolwork Schedule

Key elements

Your schedule suits your individual time/task management preferences.

It is flexible enough to accommodate sudden changes, plus fluctuating energy levels, states of concentration, symptoms and moods.

Daily tasks are not over-whelming; they are small enough that they are achievable.

You do not get “burned out.”

It allows you to be consistent.

Steps to create your schedule

Decide if you want your planner to be paper or digital

Find an “order” that’s logical and achievable for you (more on this later)

Refer to your addendum/syllabus and write down all the assignments, tests and other events taking place that week/month (and their due-dates).

Then break these down, assigning tasks to each day of the week (more on this later).

Break down your tasks even further (more on this later).

Decide if you want to follow a simple daily to-do list or a timed schedule (more on this later).

Find your “order(s)”

Mandatory: Schedule assignments around other commitments (work, social, hobbies, etc.).

Do the hardest task first to get it out of the way (so that the rest of your tasks are less daunting, and because your smaller tasks require less energy therefore can be done even after completing the hard task).

Do the easiest task first to build momentum (give yourself a feeling of accomplishment which will motivate you to continue, and boost your self-confidence early in the day to establish a positive mindset for the rest of the day).

Do the task that’s due first to minimize deadline stress, and so your assignments don’t fall through the cracks (causing you to get discouraged and lose momentum).

Plan according to your energy level throughout the day and week: Do you have Pilates once a week? Maybe you can reserve that day for easier assignments. If you know you’re going to be tired for whatever reason, account for that in your planning.

Consider your state of concentration: If you know you’re too groggy or spaced out for the first hour of your day, you can either schedule easy tasks in that time, or none at all. If you take a medication in the afternoon/evening that makes you tired, schedule easier tasks or none, and get harder tasks done earlier/later in the day. If you have ADHD and crowded places mess with your concentration, but you like studying at a café, go when it’s not busy.

Be mindful of your emotions and symptoms: If you have depression, or are prone to depressive episodes, you’ll need to consider that when scheduling. You might have to rework your entire schedule when you get into a depressive episode (like adding lots of breaks). If suddenly you’re going through a big life event (like a breakup), you need to account for that when scheduling. For instance, if you can’t stand to be alone, maybe you can go out instead of staying in, and if your motivation is low, you may need to up your reward-system or break down your tasks even more.

Break down this week/month’s tasks

Refer to your addendum/syllabus and write down all your due dates for the time period you’re scheduling for.

Based on due dates, outside commitments, predictions of energy/mood/symptoms, assign assignments to the days of the week/month that make most sense for you.

Break down daily tasks into sub-tasks

You can do this (in advance) for your full week/month’s assignments, or do it every morning/evening.

Generally, your assignments will follow a variation of this formula: brainstorm, create an outline, research, write rough draft, edit and revise. Test/exam prep will look something like: check to see what the test is based on, pinpoint important sections, review to see how well you know the material, create a list of items to study, rewrite select notes, make flash cards, study topic 1, study topic 2, etc.

What are the individual components of these steps? Here are some examples. Brainstorm: what should my topic be, what should my thesis be, what points can support my thesis, what do I need to research, what questions do I need to ask my prof? Outline: topic, thesis, points, conclusion. Research: write down all the important parts from each source (separately), then sift through to sort into Supporting Point 1, Supporting Point 2, etc. Rough draft: opening statement(s), intro, point 1, point 2, etc., conclusion, closing statement(s). Edit/revise: read and check for grammar only, then read again and check for spelling only, read again and check for cohesiveness only, etc. Topic 1: Part A, Part B, etc.

Each of these small components can be individual items on your to-do list. Big tasks like, “write essay” are too big for most people. Even “write rough draft” is daunting. If you start with something specific and small like brainstorming, and work your way up, it’s a lot easier to approach. Plus, being able to check off tasks more often and more easily will boost your confidence and your sense of competence, thus building momentum.

Here is a sample to-do list: Research X for Point 1 of Literary Essay, create outline for History Essay, Edit/Revise Assignment 1, study Topic 1 and Topic 2 for Test 1.

To-do list or time-based schedule?

To do list: Write down all your assignments for the day. Put them in the order you want to do them, or go through them intuitively (based on what you feel like doing, or what’s most practical at the time/place you’re at).

Timed-based: Write down all your assignments, then write down the time you’re going to do each of them. You could set reminders or alarms if you want, or simply refer to the list. There’s an awesome app I recommend if this is your thing. It’s called Structured (iOS only).

Curate your study environment for maximum focus

Eliminate distractions such as uncomfortable clothing, sounds (or silence), phone and computer notifications, clutter in the room and on your desk, people who may try to talk to you (shut your door and/or inform them that you’re busy).

Designate a space to doing homework only and avoid spaces that you associate with other things (do not study in bed, as you will want to relax or sleep, and/or you will mess with your sleep by weakening the bed’s association with sleep).

Build associations: Incorporate other events and items into your study/homework routine that you only use while doing that, so that you associate those things with studying/homework (examples: specific playlists, pencils/pens, cups/bottles, scents, rituals, decor, etc.).

Ensure good lighting (preferably including daylight).

Get dressed in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. They don’t have to be “professional” and they should definitely be comfortable. Do not stay in your pyjamas. Believe me, I know this can be hard, and I love PJ’s. But they are not good for productivity.

Don’t “multi-task.” It may feel like you’re getting more done this way, but by splitting your focus, not only do tasks take longer, they also diminish in quality. Commit to the task you’re doing.

Meditate: You can even meditate for just 1-5 mins right before studying, homework and/or classes.

Practice self care (daily!)

Sleep (enough, well, and regularly).

Daylight: Get outside, work by windows, use a light therapy box. These can help regulate your sleep, improve and maintain mental health, and boost energy.

Fresh air: Getting outside even for a couple minutes can help you refresh and reset, and feel good about yourself and your life. Fresh oxygen can help you wake up and is great for your health. Even just opening your window can do a lot for your mood, energy and motivation.

Movement: Try to move at least once per day. The benefits of exercise are numerous and immense.

Healthy and consistent eating: Avoid spikes in insulin levels by eating regularly so you don’t have extreme dips in your energy level. Also, brain power uses calories too, so make sure you’re eating consistently, and try to eat healthy. There are so many other reasons eating consistently is good for your health (and by extension, your productivity).

Relaxation and leisure: Make time for fun and socializing, as well as intentional relaxation. Hobbies, movies/tv, time with friends/family, meditation, baths, progressive muscle relaxation, etc.

Therapy: Your therapy sessions are not daily, but you can do 5 minutes of inner-work per day based on what you and your therapist are currently working on. Working with a therapist is a great way to stay on track with your goals, and develop the skills and positive mindset required for success in school.

Reward yourself

Track progress: Reflect on all the assignments you’ve completed and your grades to remind yourself that you’re capable!

Completing to-do lists daily maintains a sense of accomplishment which keeps your momentum going. Check those items off! Or give yourself gold stars! ⭐️

Treat yourself with non-food rewards: Tie completed school work with fun tasks like video games, or take yourself out for coffee, or some other small (non-food) outing. What I’m trying to do right now is not do my leisure activities until my daily tasks are done.

Develop a positive mindset

Take promises you make to yourself seriously. The more you break promises to yourself, the easier it will get to continue breaking promises. You will lose respect for yourself which lowers motivation, and you will lose trust in yourself which can become debilitating as well. The more you keep promises, the easier it will get, the more motivated you’ll become, and the more you’ll trust and respect yourself. Your confidence will improve, and you’ll feel better about yourself. Productivity is choosing yourself. Discipline is choosing what’s best for you instead of what you feel like doing in the moment. Discipline is a muscle, and like any muscle, it can be strengthened, and it can atrophy.

Remember your “why.” What is the end goal of being in school? What’s your career path, and why did you choose it? What will your life be like when you have that career? What would your life be like if you gave up and didn’t make it to your goal? Aiming for your dream while running from your nightmare is a great strategy for maintaining motivation. Lighting a fire under your *** can be a huge motivator.

Remember how good you feel when you get schoolwork done, and let this motivate you to stay consistent. You can also remember how you feel when you don’t get work done, but definitely focus more on the positive!

Go to therapy and/or hire a coach. There are SO many benefits to therapy and I’d honestly need a whole other post to get into it. You don’t need to be depressed or mentally ill at all in order to benefit from talking to a therapist. They can even help you with time management, procrastination, motivation and more! If you can afford it, please do it. It’s such a worthwhile investment.

Be consistent

No “zero days.” Do at least a bit of homework or studying every day so you don’t slip into vacation mode. Make schoolwork a daily part of your life, so it just becomes the norm.

Build productivity momentum (track progress, check items off your to-do list daily, treat yourself, keep promises to yourself, remember your “why,” remember how success feels).

Stay on top of projects. Your assignments are made up of smaller tasks you assign yourself across time. “Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.” - Robert Collier

Avoid burnout (more on this later).

Keep it interesting (more on this later).

Avoid burnout

Self-care: shower and/or bathe regularly, maintain proper sleep habits, stay hydrated, take care of your skin, do relaxation activities like meditation and reading, do fun activities, pamper yourself every now and then with face masks or foot baths, take your meds as prescribed, eat well and regularly, get outside often, move daily, etc.

Break up study/homework sessions into small, manageable chunks of time, with constructive (refreshing) breaks in between.

Break assignments down into even smaller tasks so that you aren’t over-working yourself during the course of a day, and so that you don’t overwhelm yourself (the stress can lead to burnout).

School-life balance: Keep up with your social life as best as you can, make time for your hobbies, maintain self-care, say no to things that don’t serve you, etc. Try to follow through with scheduled schoolwork 100% of the time, but know that you won’t. Sometimes you’ll need to prioritize mental health over schoolwork (be careful though, this is a very fine line, and a slippery slope). Sometimes things will come up and it’ll be out of your control. But more than anything else, there will be times when you just decide to prioritize something else like fun and socializing over schoolwork. This is why your schedule needs to be flexible: to accommodate sudden invites to hang out and random decisions to skip a homework/study session, but more importantly, flexibility will reduce the odds that you’ll skip in the first place. If your schedule includes hobbies and socializing, and anything else that’s important to you, then you won’t feel deprived. If you have school-life balance, you’ll have more of yourself to devote to schoolwork when it’s time to.

Keep it interesting

Romanticize your life by putting effort into making all of your daily tasks a special occasion.

Make meals and drinks special by using your favourite dinnerware and cutlery. Perhaps even incorporate extra elements such as: a beautiful tablecloth, napkins, candles and/or dim lighting, music, wearing your favourite clothing, etc.

Pretend you’re the main character in a movie about a successful, productive student (because you are the main character in your life).

Make games out of studying if this is something that interests you (the Forest app comes to mind).

Use lots of colours in your notes and buy colourful stationary! 🌈

Vary your approach/methods if needed to avoid boredom.

Study with friends (online or in person).

Reward yourself often.

Remember your “why.”

[kyovtani]

𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆

࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader ࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU ࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry) ࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex

࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...

Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.

After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.

Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.

However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.

Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.

Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.

And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.

Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.

By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.

This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.

However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.

After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.

Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.

Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.

It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.

Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.

And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.

So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette’s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.

“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.

“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.

“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.

“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.

“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”

You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.

“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.

“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.

“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”

Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.

“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.

“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.

“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.

“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.

“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”

And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.

You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.

However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.

After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.

Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.

“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.

You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.

Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.

You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.

“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.

“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.

“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.

Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.

And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.

The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.

However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.

It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.

Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.

You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.

Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.

You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.

“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.

“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.

“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.

“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”

You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.

“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.

You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.

“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.

“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.

“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.

“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.

You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.

“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.

Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.

“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.

“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.

“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.

“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.

“It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”

“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”

His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.

“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.

“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.

For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.

However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.

“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.

“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.

“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.

“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”

“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.

You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.

“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.

“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.

And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.

Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.

And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.

Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.

It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.

He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.

And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.

“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka,  who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.

“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.

Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends  rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.

“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.

The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.

And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.

“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.

“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.

“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.

“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.

“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.

“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.

“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.

“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”

“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.

You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”

“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.

“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.

Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.

For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.

The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.

By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.

“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.

“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.

“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone,  huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.

You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.

“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.

You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.

“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.

“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.

“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.

“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.

“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.

“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.

“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.

Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.

“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.

“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.

As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.

“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.

Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.

“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.

He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.

“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.

“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”

At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.

“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.

“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.

“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.

A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.

After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.

“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”

And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.

“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.

“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”

You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.

“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.

You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.

“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.

“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.

The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.

Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.

You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.

Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.

You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.

His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.

“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.

“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”

“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.

You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.

He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.

And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.

You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.

“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.

“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.

“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”

At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.

For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.

“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.

“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.

Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.

You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.

“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.

Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.

Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.

“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.

Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.

“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.

When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.

“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.

“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.

“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.

“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”

You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.

However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.

He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.

“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”

As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”

“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”

You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.

Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.

You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.

“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”

“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming  at this point, but you would never want it any other way.

“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.

Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.

“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.

“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”

“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”

“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.

“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”

“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.

It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.

The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.

“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.

And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.

You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.

Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.

“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.

The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.

You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.

And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.

“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”

“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.

“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”

And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.

Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.

“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.

“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.

“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.

“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.

You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.

“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.

You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.

“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.

He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.

“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.

“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.

Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”

“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.

Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.

Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.

You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.

“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”

You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.

And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.

“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.

Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.

“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”

“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”

You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.

“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.

“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.

“Alright then, pretty one.”

Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.

Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.

But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.

It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.

“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”

You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.

Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.

"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.

You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.

Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.

You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.

“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.

“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”

And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.

Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible. He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.

A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.

Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.

“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.

“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.

࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.

[sadcypher]

heyo! this might be an out-of-the-blue request but could you perhaps give to a fellow mediocre student that is going to enroll in their first year of a physics degree (with a focus on Astrophysics and Astronomy) some tips on how to survive university? I am going to be a first-generation student so the advice that has been given to me is rather scarce... Anything from simple tips to your personal view would be appreciated!

oh exciting! Im also a first gen student so I also felt very lost and alone at the beginning.

making friends: socializing and networking specifically at the beginning of the first semester is terrifying but almost everyone feels that way, freshers are desperate to make friends so connecting is easier. Also you will find yourself in situations that are perfect set-ups to start off friendships: group projects, people looking for study groups, freshers events, clubs,... just do yourself the favor to participate here and there! Also dont stress yourself about making these friendships within the first weeks, you meet new people throughout your time at university. Also not sure what your housing situation will be but dorms are also a good place to start connecting with people!

feeling very lonely at first: totally normal but be prepared for it, find hobbies and activities you can do on your own that keep you busy, maybe join a sports club or find weekly community meetups? Maybe regularly call friends or family? I wasnt able to avoid feeling very alone even though I was prepared for it but knowing that the odds are good that it wont be like that forever helps!

physics courses are hard: they are doable but time consuming. Keeping a study routine that is low maintenance but consistent is worth more than doing several insane 16 hours study sessions during exam season. And try to find a study group to go through the materials and for solving practice problems, preferably people that you feel at ease and motivated studying with.

Balance and mental health: please take care of yourself! Dont overwork yourself but also dont slack off because thats a good set up for spiraling; you have to find a system that works for you to balance uni, free time, sleep and maybe work, and dont listen too much to what others do, everyones needs and bodies are different so what works for others might not work for you! Tho whatever you do dont cut back on sleep if you can. Additionally having a safety net can be helpful, universities often offer free (or more affordable) counseling!

Feeling out of place: Especially if one isnt a child of academics it is very easy to feel like you dont belong but thats absolute bs. You have every right to be there. You might have to work harder than others which sucks and is very unfair but you will look back and see how much progress you have made. And something I have experienced is that family is often very discouraging, my parents are repeatedly trying to talk me into getting a job because they dont see the point in going through +5 years of university to end up doing something in physics/astro. So feel free to just trust your own head and gut feeling sometimes. At the end of the day it is your future. And self check for imposter syndrome because that can make your time at uni very very hard. If you talk to people about it I can assure you that 75% will share that feeling, and these conversations often help identifying that it is literally just your silly little brain acting up a bit.

if anyone comes up with anything else feel free to add to this list! And i hope some of these were useful, anon!

[3laxx]

Maternal Feelings

There she was.

Her tiny granddaughter.

She had a bit lighter skin than Luz and just about Amity’s hair color. And she was so damn tiny.

Eda found herself getting scared, suddenly. This was a really small kid. This was like, a stupidly small child. She would not hold that baby for any number of snails.

---

Eda meets her newborn grandddaughter for the first time.

I don't know man I'm just chucking out words rn like I'm running from something.

But I had this thought of Eda meeting a very small child and my stupid brain was like "We can do that instead of sleeping" xD

So yeah, have this incredibly fluffy oneshot about Eda coming to terms with her Momma feelings and adjusting to being a grandma.

I just really wanted Eda to get emotional over a baby

Don't even ask Idk

Have fun reading! <3

Ao3 / FF.net

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Eda had never been the most maternal.

Not in her youth, not when she had found King, and not when she had sort of adopted and sheltered Luz until she had graduated and been able to stand on her own two feet.

Not when King had taken her name and not when Amity had asked her for Luz’s hand, which had in truth just been a mockery of her parents’ traditions and had given Eda nothing more than an excuse to drink some apple blood with her future daughter-in-law.

Of course, she had seen Luz as a daughter at some point, had called herself her mother, had cared for her.

She had made their meals, had helped Luz with the homework – even if that had disgusted her – she had taught Luz and King everything she knew, she had tucked King in, cared for Luz when she had gotten sick or sad. She had of course done everything in her power to make sure her kids were content and happy.

That didn’t mean she had felt as though she was a mother. She had liked pretending to be the sort of crazy aunt, in charge of all the bad decisions.

But she had never seen herself as maternal.

Well, she supposed that came from not really setting any rules. When she had been younger, she had always been under the impression that mothers had to set rules, educate their children, and raise them. She had never really raised King or Luz.

She had just sort of made them laugh, given them food, and then they hadn’t left anymore. Like the free-loaders they were. Kind of like pests, actually.

It had always made them laugh if she had called them that. It had made her laugh.

Because she loved them, of course. She didn’t know love alone could turn her, the irresponsible, free-spirited wild witch a mother.

She supposed she had been a mother for King and Luz. Without setting rules, without all the raising stuff. She supposed her kids had turned her the littlest bit maternal.

Was it normal for friends to stay up at night and change the cold applications on Luz’s forehead in the hopes of bringing her fever down? Was it called caring and loving when she went out of her way to get King’s favorite toy, to get Luz the food she could actually digest, to make sure King was free of fleas and bathed and tucked in at night?

Did it make her a mother if she risked her own life to ensure they could lead a happy life?

Eda never knew the line between loving, as friends, and maternal.

Raine had started calling her out on her maternal feelings once she got the littlest bit protective of Luz.

Well, it wasn’t her fault that everything made her jump after Belos had almost – had, in fact – killed Luz on the day of unity. It wasn’t her fault that she woke up at night in a cold sweat, rushing to check on her daughter in the room next to hers sleeping peacefully, only to return to a sleepy Raine dazedly grinning at her with a smug, shit-eating expression of “Told you so”.

Every time, they would roll over their mattress in her nest and wrap an arm around her waist and tell her she was such a sweet mother.

Well, she was. She was the Momma of the Owl House.

But maternal?

Eda supposed she was.

After all, even if friends would do the same as her, a mother would make sure everything stayed safe and protected in her house. Making sure there was food on the table that Luz could eat. Making sure King was feeling loved, despite having discovered his past.

Making sure Luz had all her school materials, spending money on icky, stupid books. Giving her an allowance. Keeping her and King safe.

Well, Eda had never really tried finding a definition for maternal. All the love she had gained for King and Luz had just been that to her – love. And it had been enough.

She had loved calling herself Momma and had loved treating Luz like her daughter and King like her son, and she had loved calling them her kids. She just supposed the word itself – maternal – didn’t exactly describe what she was. She, herself, as Eda the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles, an agent of chaos and the most daring criminal history had ever seen.

She had just assumed a mother wouldn’t call herself these titles.

Seemed like her view of a mother had been wrong.

Any person could be a mother, a parent, a father, or anything remotely close to this. And she supposed, caring for Luz and King, taking them in, giving them food, kind of did make her a maternal person, while never losing her pride as a criminal and generally irresponsible person.

A mother.

Well, whatever a mother was, or whatever maternal feelings were, or whatever she defined herself at and whatever she did for Luz and King.

Here she found herself, fidgeting next to her spouse, her excited teenage son in tow who was already towering over her height, in front of the healer’s coven building.

Whatever a mother was, she would probably feel that way. Well, Camila – Luz’s other mother – next to her other side was buzzing in excitement just as much as she was. The two women exchanged a glance before Camila gave her a small smile and she felt Raine taking her hand.

King gave a groan when he finally placed his claws on Eda’s and Camila’s shoulders and pushed them up the three steps into the main entrance, rolling his eyes.

After Belos had been taken down – after he had actually very much killed Luz, Eda had just brought her back to life – Luz and her friends had taken on graduation while the Boiling Isles had experienced a change in the government. Covens were no longer used to steal or limit magic. Instead, they had been used as a way to form a working parliament, with an elected group of government heads. After the gang had graduated, Luz had worked towards getting a way back home while helping establish a stable government form from the makeshift temporary one they had managed to create after Belos’ defeat. Luz had actually helped them quite a bit by telling of experiences made in the human realm, where politics were apparently a lot more twisted than here on the Isles.

Eda and Lilith had been elected as part of the group forming the government, even if Eda had dropped out after one or two periods, while her sister had taken charge like it had been the most natural thing for her.

Discovering that politics hadn’t really been up to her alley – she was way more interested in rebellions than anything else – she had begun building a legal business since she didn’t have to fear being captured anymore. It had gone pretty well.

Raine had started working in the government as well as Amity, while Luz had started working to mastering all forms of glyphs she could find, admitting her studies to the academics, and shortly after, had been offered to become a teacher at Hexside by Bump to teach magicless witches and demons glyph magic.

After traveling the Isles and working on her studies, Luz had accepted and finally settled down with Amity. It really hadn’t been a surprise to Eda when Amity had come to her and Raine with a ring and asked them to marry Eda’s daughter.

After already asking Camila that is.

Eda faintly felt King pushing her into the cool building that smelled like disinfectant – a nifty cleaning drug from the human realm that Luz had introduced them to – before hearing herself asking the receptionist where the room of the Noceda-Blights was.

A kind of bored-looking demon sighed and looked the room number up in the list, before pointing them in the direction. Again, Eda’s feet felt like they had been planted into the tiles below her.

Only after Raine gave her a light push, she moved again.

So, the world now had some sort of order. Nobody was forced into covens anymore, and the coven seals had been removed, setting the magic free again.

Raine and she had married shortly after her daughter had accepted Amity’s proposal, and now, ten years after Luz had first set foot on the Boiling Isles chasing after her book, Eda found herself feeling more maternal than ever. Whatever that meant.

Her hands were fidgety, and not even Raine’s steadying grip could calm her. Camila tried not to look around too much, even after so many years of knowing the Boiling Isles and having visited her daughter regularly, she still wasn’t used to all of it.

Stopping in front of their room, Eda tried breathing through. King sighed again, but Raine shot him a glare and he shut up. At least her spouse understood that this was a big step for her. Looking to her side, Camila tried another smile and Eda nodded at her.

“If you want to, you and King can go ahead. I’ll-… I still need a minute.”

More than willing, Camila accepted. She knocked, and upon hearing Luz’s call, she stepped in. Eda shuffled to the side to let King through, so he could duck through the doorframe and maneuver his broad shoulders in without hitting anything. The door closed and Eda breathed through once more, feeling Raine’s grip tightening.

“How do you feel?”

Shooting them a grin, Eda turned, shrugging and trying to play it cool, “Old, honestly.”

Laughing, Raine pulled her aside to the row of chairs and made her sit down.

“No, I mean, how do you feel about Luz and Amity?”, they tried again and Eda sighed, staring at the blank wooden door with the small eighteen next to it.

“… Proud. I’m proud of them for making this commitment.”, looking back to Raine, she added, “And kind of scared. I haven’t really been the most-… Well, involved.”

Unimpressed, Raine lifted an eyebrow.

“… You’re kidding, right?”

Groaning, Eda shrugged again and leaned back, before closing her eyes, resting her head against the wall.

“I-… I never made the commitment they made. King has his father and Luz has her mother. I was more a friend to them than a mom. Sure, I liked seeing myself that way, and they liked seeing themselves as my kids, but-… It was fun having them. King had always been mostly independent and Luz was already a teenager when I met her. I’ve never-… Well, been around-…”

Raine softly placed their hand on Eda’s hands that she had folded in her lap and when she opened her eyes again, the gaze of her spouse was humored.

“Come on, Eda. How hard can it be to be a not-grandmother?”, at the joke, Eda groaned, “It’s not much different to being a not-mom to your kids.”

Grumbling, she got up again before straightening her back and nodding.

“You know what, you’re right. That kid is family now and whoever the hell cares what a mother or a grandmother is.”

A little confused, Raine got up after her and pumped a fist, albeit half-heartedly.

“That’s the spirit?”, they laughed and Eda huffed, before knocking and getting her own call to be let in.

The room was warm and humid. Eda let in Raine and quickly closed the door after them, not to let too much of the warmth escape, before turning back to her daughter.

Luz looked tired when she approached them.

Well, that wasn’t a surprise, given that she and Amity had arrived in the hospital two days ago before their little daughter had been born just this morning in the earliest hours. She had probably been awake all this time to be there for Amity.

Giving Eda a big hug, she nuzzled her face into the crook of her mother’s neck, before deeply breathing out. Eda could tell that Luz had just overcome a big step for herself.

“… I’m glad you’re here…”, she breathed and Eda wrapped her arms around the now-grown woman, tilting her own head into the embrace. The younger witch snuggled close while Raine squeezed past them to join Camila and King around the crib next to Amity’s bed.

Eda tried so hard not to cry.

This was a happy occasion and she would sure as hell not shed a tear about this. Just when she pressed a little kiss to Luz’s head, a tear rolled into her dark curls as well. Well, there went this promise.

“I’m proud of you, kid.”, she whispered and Luz held her tighter, smiling against her neck, “I’m so, so proud of you. If you ever need some help, I’ll do my damn best to provide.”

Sniffling, Luz nodded, before parting from her.

The exhaustion was evident on her face. She wiped her cheek before Eda placed a hand on her shoulder and caught her gaze. They exchanged a silent smile, then she looked up and around her daughter to her future daughter-in-law on the bed, obviously exhausted as well.

Amity gave a small wave, but it was obvious to see she was under the influence of some strong sedatives. That was the logical thing to do, Eda supposed, to keep her from acting protective over her child while all her family and friends wanted to meet the newest family member.

Witches only carried six months until giving birth, before incubating their pup for another three months. Which was why this room was so damn hot.

But upon giving birth, new mothers would also become a lot more protective of their pups than humans would. Luz had been new to all of this and Eda had had to educate her on the reproduction of witches, because Amity had been too busy laughing. Well, Eda had laughed as well, but not as hard as Luz’s fiancé.

Looking back to her daughter, she finally noticed the bandage she was wearing around one hand. Smirking, she gestured to that.

“Don’t tell me your weak nerd arms gave in.”, she joked and Luz huffed, rubbing the bandage with the healing sticker.

“Amity just had to transform her hand into a damn abomination while in labor. Seriously, who even does that? She sliced my hand right in half.”, grumbling, she looked back to her fiancé and gave her a small smile before looking back to Eda, “I almost missed the birth because the healers had to patch me up first. But there won’t even be a scar because they had my hand reattached just a second after it happened.”

Still grinning, Eda punched her shoulder, then Luz leaned closer to her, lowering her voice.

“Just don’t tell Mami. She’d lose her cool.”

Shaking her head and laughing, Eda walked past her.

“I won’t, don’t worry.”, after making her way around the bed, she sat down on the edge and caught Amity’s dazed gaze, taking her hand after permission, “Hey Minty. How’re you feeling?”

“… ’M good.”, the young witch slurred, trying a small smile, before breathing through and looking to the side where she kept her pup in view, “… Tired.”

Eda nodded, cupping her hand with both of hers, before softly patting the back of her hand.

“Lily will be here this afternoon to look after you two. Your siblings are still in Latissa on Government business, they asked me to tell you because they couldn’t get a hold of you. But they’ll be back tomorrow.”

She could tell that was a lot of information for Amity to process so she made a note to tell Luz as well. Leaving the witch to try and observe the room again – probably to make sure it stayed safe for her pup – she turned to the crib now finally.

There she was.

Her tiny granddaughter.

She had a bit lighter skin than Luz and just about Amity’s hair color. And she was so damn tiny.

Eda found herself getting scared, suddenly. This was a really small kid. This was like, a stupidly small child. She would not hold that baby for any number of snails.

Camila seemed a lot more comfortable around the baby, though. She had respected Luz’s wish to leave her in her crib for the time being, so Amity could get used to so many people around her pup so suddenly, but she was already reaching in and brushing the tiny thing over her cheek.

Well, okay, that seemed easy enough. Eda could do that, someday, when the kid was like twelve or something.

King and Luz were talking about something while Raine looked just about as amazed by the small creature as Camila was.

Sensing their amazement and figuring that Raine didn’t exactly have that much experience with children, either, Camila took the hand of Eda’s spouse and guided them down into the crib, brushing their knuckles against the incredibly soft skin of the baby’s cheek.

Amity didn’t even flinch at that. Either the sedatives were really strong or she felt incredibly comfortable with the people in the room. Looking back to the young witch, Eda confirmed the latter. Through half-lidded eyes, Amity was leaning back against the pillow, her other hand that was not held by Eda draped across her belly, while she was calmly watching Camila guiding Raine’s hand against the infant’s cheek.

She wondered how much Amity had actually adopted Luz’s family as her own once her parents had been imprisoned for their crimes against the public.

Judging by her calm reaction, she didn’t mind them being around her and her loved ones in the slightest, even in the now starting incubation period. Finally, Luz leaned around King and reached into the crib to lift her little daughter up and cradling her close to her chest. The baby didn’t even wake up, which made Eda chuckle.

“She’s got your sleeping habits, kid.”

Amity’s hand in hers shook when she started laughing alongside the older witch and Luz flushed in deep red when her mother confirmed.

“Sometimes, not even me shaking her would wake her up to school.”, Camila added and Luz huffed, bopping the infant in her arms.

“You guys are being mean to me in front of my daughter.”, she tried pouting, but King deadpanned.

“In front of your sleeping daughter. She won’t hear any of this.”

They started laughing again while Luz couldn’t suppress a little smile herself while looking down at the infant. When they had all quieted down a little, Luz pressed a soft kiss to her daughter’s forehead, before approaching Camila. Shooting a gaze towards Amity first to ask her permission, she then placed the baby in her mother’s arms and kept her hand cupped on the baby’s head, smiling.

“That’s your abuelita, mija.”, Luz mumbled softly and Eda almost felt her own heart breaking with the light sniffle Camila gave. After all these years of calling Luz her mija, Luz starting to use that label for her own daughter now made the human tear up.

While Camila greeted the little pup, Eda turned back to Amity whose head was softly nicking every time her eyelids fell. She had to be exhausted.

Tugging on her hand, Eda got her attention, then she lightly pushed the crib away to get up and adjust Amity’s pillow for her.

“C’mon, let’s get you lying down. We’ll take care of your pup.”

A sleepy gaze crossed with Eda’s but before Amity could object, the older witch was already adjusting the settings of the mattress to be flat again, before helping Amity lie down on her side.

“You can stay awake for as long as you want, but you should be comfortable with it at least.”, shooting her a grateful gaze, the younger witch yawned, then she adjusted the blanket around her future daughter-in-law and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, “Don’t worry about your pup, okay? Luz is taking care of her.”

That seemed to soothe Amity. She mumbled a soft “thank you” towards Eda and curled up a little, before continuing to watch the scene before her, the blinking of her eyelids already getting slower.

When Eda turned back to Camila, she discovered that Luz had taken her daughter back already and was safely cradling her before going around the crib and catching Eda’s gaze.

She knew that Luz wanted her to say hi, too.

“Luz, I’m not so sure about holding-”

Chuckling, her daughter adjusted the baby, before taking Eda’s hand.

“You can greet them like this first if you don’t wanna hold her. Or you can sit down if you like.”

Huffing, Eda fidgeted shortly, before rubbing her hands together and breathing through.

“Just, uh-… Sitting would be nice. I’m-… Holding the bat kids was an entirely different thing, you know? They could fly. Your kid can’t fly.”

Luz had to laugh at Eda’s rambling, pulling on her hand, she ushered King out of the chair by the window, before letting her adoptive mother sit down in it. Camila helped out by placing a pillow on Eda’s lap, then she was all set. Luz studied her face again.

“If you’re too nervous, you don’t have to hold her. I can hold her over your lap if you want to.”

Trying to wave her off, Eda forced a laugh.

“Pfft, you can just say you don’t trust me holding a baby, kid.”, she tried to joke around, but Luz just gave her a smile.

“If you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to. That’s all I’m saying.”

But Eda wanted to. She definitely did kind of want to hold the tiny fragile baby that Luz had made together with her fiancé. Even if she was nervous and a little bit scared and so amazed by how small such a tiny thing could actually be, she did kind of want to hold that baby. Patting the pillow, she finally breathed through, then she opened her arms.

“Okay, I’m ready. Bring it, kid.”

Smirking at her antics, Luz leaned in and kneeled, then she slowly placed the baby in Eda’s arms. It was so tiny. It was so stupidly tiny, it wasn’t even as long as Eda’s forearm. Hiccupping, the older witch instinctively cradled the tiny, tiny infant in her arms and a warm feeling overcame her.

A really warm feeling.

If that was maternal feelings, then Eda swore she was going to be the best dang grandmother she could be for that child.

She brushed over her temple and the baby squirmed slightly. Apparently, she had woken up sometime during Camila holding her and was now kind of fighting against the snug swaddle blanket she was trapped in. Eda didn’t even notice she had tears in her eyes when she already felt the first tear rolling down her cheek.

“Wow… You’re my granddaughter now, hm?”, she asked and that tiny thing yawned, her arms struggling in the swaddle, before softly smacking her incredibly small lips. Eda found herself smiling immediately, “Titan, that’s new.”

Luz’s hands undid the blanket that was wrapped around the baby, then Eda laughed tearily when the infant stretched, her absolutely tiny fists stretching up to her face and rubbing her cheeks. She was apparently waking up and while she knew that incubating infants didn’t open their eyes yet, she found herself wondering what eye color the child would have. Adjusting the baby, she cradled them closer, then she smuggled a finger into the fist and giggled in delight when the baby grabbed it, despite not wanting to open the fist at first.

Looking up to Luz, who was still kneeling in front of her, she managed a smile, her teary expression probably matching the one on her daughter’s face.

“She’s perfect, Luz. But, let’s be honest, you two made a stupidly small baby.”

Laughing under tears, Luz nodded then she brushed over her daughter’s head and pressed a small kiss to her forehead to which the baby responded with a huff.

“Yeah, when I first held her, I was so scared she’d just slip right through my arms. But I think Amity would have killed me if I had so much as stumbled so I concentrated really hard not to let that happen.”

Eda’s gaze shot up from her granddaughter to her future daughter-in-law who was calling from the bed, her words slurred from the sedatives and sleepiness, but still very much poised if needed.

“… You better not drop our child, Luz.”

Raine had to laugh at that and went to soothe the new mother, while Eda turned back to the baby in her arms with a smile.

“Titan she’s small…”

The following few minutes were pretty much filled with tearful giggles and a very excited King who almost knocked the crib over when Luz called him to say hi as well. When Eda and King had calmed down a little, Camila had taken Luz outside for a little mother-daughter walk in the nearby park and King had gone with them for snacks. The older witch got up and carried the baby back to the crib, smiling when she lifted them up to her face. Resting her forehead against theirs, she kept like this for a moment, before stopping in front of the crib.

Amity had fallen asleep by now, even if she was flinching with every littlest sound her daughter made, so Eda looked over to Raine.

“Wanna hold the baby, too?”, she asked and Raine blushed.

“I’d-… I’d rather wait until she’s a little bit older.”, she admitted and Eda nodded before still gesturing her spouse over. Raine got up from the edge of Amity’s bed and joined Eda, putting an arm around her waist while Eda still cradled the baby close, taking care not to jostle her too much.

She yawned again and from the corner of her eyes, Eda saw Amity’s eyes opening, unfocused and probably very much still asleep but still attentive to her daughter. Chuckling, she turned back to Raine.

“Boy, I’m sure glad I only had two adoptive children.”

Shrugging, Raine caught the baby’s fist with their free hand and tickled their tiny fingers, but she wouldn’t open her hand this time.

“I’m sure you would’ve made a great biological mother as well. As you’re already a great adoptive mother, too.”

Shrugging, Eda brushed over her temple again, leaning into Raine.

“Nah, I’m glad I never had a baby. I don’t think I would’ve wanted to go through that.”

“Fair enough.”, Raine whispered, but their tone indicated that they had stopped listening to Eda, engrossed by the child in her arms. She softly kicked, which caused them to chuckle, before she settled back against Eda’s chest, curling in slightly and breathing through, apparently getting ready for her next nap. Raine sighed softly.

“Honestly, I’m glad I never had a baby, too. But having a grandchild is amazing.”

Grinning, Eda kissed their forehead, before carefully maneuvering the baby back into the crib and swaddling them the best she could, watching her breaths deepening and calming as she fell asleep again. Then, Eda pushed the crib next to Amity’s bed, to which the young witch immediately responded by reaching into the crib from the side and resting her hand on her daughter’s belly. Smiling, Eda took Raine into her arms and watched as both her future daughter-in-law and her granddaughter slept peacefully, leaning her head against Raine’s.

“… You’re right this is amazing.”

She already knew that this child would have the two best mothers she could ask for. And she knew that her entire family, including her furry uncle, three grandmothers, and one grandparent, and their twin uncle and aunt would do their damn best to make sure this child had everything she needed.

Smiling, Eda reached down to brush over the baby’s cheek and pulled Raine closer.

Maternal feelings or not, this was amazing.

---

Let me know if you liked it!

[gogglor]

Cap-Ironman RecWeek: What-If Wednesday

Time for another installment of @cap-ironman rec week! Today’s theme: AU’s.

I know AU’s in different settings are half the reason most people read fanfics, but they’re not really my thing on the whole. AU’s where different choices are made, or different events transpire? Absolutely. Coffee shops? Not my cup of... you know.

So, here’s my AU recommendations for mostly “turn left” scenarios. This time with an under-the-cut break so I don’t take over everyone’s timelines (sorry about that last post). Also with some summaries truncated for length.

Alone Like This

Author: GotTheSilver

Word Count: 7,452

Summary: Steve, post waking up, runs away from SHIELD, and Tony's the one who tracks him down.

Why You Should Read It:

First off, GotTheSilver’s been consistently and regularly putting out solid Stony since 2012 and not only are they not stopping, they’re only getting better. This writer doesn’t get nearly the fanfare I’d expect in Stony circles for someone who puts out this much good stuff, and here’s hoping this post can be a part of changing that.

While I am always a sucker for enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, there’s something to be said for stories where Steve and Tony hit it off right away. And watching these two very different people look at each other and see the same sense of being lost, then finding each other again is... excuse me, there’s something in my eye, ignore me.

Second Chance Lives

Author: raeldaza

Word Count: 43,872

Summary: Tony's gonna die of palladium poisoning anyway, why not join a pointless expedition to recover Captain America’s body? And after, well, why not dedicate his last few months to making sure an American hero settles into his new life? What else is he going to do, get drunk at parties?

Why You Should Read It:

This writer doesn’t write a lot for the MCU but when they do, dang.

“Tony is the one helping Steve acclimate to the new century before Avengers 2012″ is a whole genre of Stony fanfics that scratch an itch I didn’t even know I had before I started reading fanfiction, and this is one of the best ones out there. It’s got it all - Steve poorly coping with his PTSD, Tony poorly coping with his immanent mortality, some breathtakingly poor communication between the two most emotionally stunted men in the MCU, and a cat named Roomba. What’s not to love?

Should You Choose to Accept It

Author: elwenyere (look, you’re gonna be seeing a lot of them this week, sorry-not-sorry)

Word Count: 27,106

Summary: After a terrorist attack and a field operation gone wrong, the Avengers realize that Nick Fury's secrets are just the start of a much bigger mystery. Steve and Tony try to keep some things from each other as well, but that can't possibly affect the mission — right? Mission Fic + Getting Together (or Mission: Getting Together) that mashes up elements from Iron Man 3, CA: Winter Soldier, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. season one, and Mission Impossible 3.

Why You Should Read It:

You can see my post yesterday for singing El’s praises, but what I really liked about this fic was how how damn creative it is. The CAWS/IM3/AOS mashup is everything I wished the actual MCU gave us and more, with well-developed characters and an exciting story to put them in. And because it’s El, you know the banter’s gonna be on point, the way the characters care for each other is gonna be emotionally constipated but touching, and the pacing’s gonna be exciting enough to draw you in and keep you there. Also, this fic doesn’t have nearly enough kudos so please go read it and fix that or I’m gonna have to try to hack AO3 and that’ll just be embarrassing for all parties involved.

What Happens In Vegas

Author: sabremc

Word Count: 161,951

Summary: “What the hell, Tony?” Rhodey demanded brusquely.  Tony winced and drew the phone away from his ear.  “You’ve got cops and Feds all over the hotel.  I’m watching you perp walk out of the police station on repeat on CNN.  They’re saying you tried to bribe Stern?  Fox News has you selling weapons on the black market, and God that picture they’re using is the one from Bali in ’09.   You look like shit.  They wheeled Stern out and put him in an ambulance, by the way.  Got some paparazzi swearing you decked the guy.  Now they’ve got ‘copters following it like he’s OJ.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, Sourpatch, I’ve got it covered.   Uh, though, I should probably tell you that, purely in the interests of national security and the greater good, I kind of had to fake marry that stripper-gram  you sent.  Thanks for that, by the way,” Tony added quickly.

Why You Should Read It:

If you’re deep enough into Stony to see posts like this on Tumblr, you probably know sabre’s what we in the business call a “big name author.” They’re prolific, they’re popular, and most importantly, they write words good (technical term). Seriously, sabre just keeps cranking out high quality stuff over and over again, raising the bar for the rest of us like a jerk (not really. I’m not bitter they write stuff so good I wish I’d thought of it first. Not at all.)

I never read stripper!Steve or stripper!Tony as a rule, but this came so widely recommended that I broke that rule and boy am I glad that I did. This is also the only fic on this list that’s a true-AU, with Steve being a non-powered vet from Afghanistan who left his army career to help Bucky and is stripping in Vegas to raise money for a prosthetic arm. He’s booked to do a private show for Tony, shenanigans ensue, and now they’re fake-married. This fic’s got some top-of-the-line banter and character development, but I particularly love it for its rich setting. Sabre paints a Vegas not just with strip clubs and blackjack tables, but KISS-themed minigolf, romantic dinners on the Eiffel tower, gaudy hotel lobbies, and making out on giant ferris wheels. It’s such a richly developed playground for the characters to play on, and through it, Steve manages to find a life for himself he’d given up on, and Tony finds multiple ways to show his kindness and depth of feeling for Steve. I know the word count’s long for this one but trust me, you’ve gotta read this fic.

Wait & Sea

Author: Lenalena

Word Count: 53,244

Summary: In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds....

Why You Should Read It:

This one’s old and popular enough to be considered one of the “classic” Stony fics, and for good reason. Lenalena doesn’t write too often and not as much as they used to, but the fics they have up there are an absolute delight.

This is another fic that I skipped a bunch of times for being outside my comfort zone, but when I finally read it I saw why everyone’s so wild about it. In this story, Steve’s defrosted a bit earlier and not revealed as Captain America. He and Tony are sent undercover to sniff out Hydra shenanigans on a cruise and, because it’s fanfiction, they’ve got to pretend to be a married couple while onboard. There’s tons to love about this fic, but the things that bring me back to reading it over and over is first, Tony’s kindness and the way he’s attuned to Steve’s feelings, which... God, just inject “kind, observant Tony” straight into my veins, please and thank you. This is also another really rich setting for a story, and Lena knows how to fold the the hokeyness of the cruise into the seriousness of the mission and the depth of feelings Steve and Tony are finding for each other in a really beautiful, layered way. It’s funny, it’s heartfelt, it’s steamy, it’s gripping... why are you still reading this here? Go check it out for yourself!

Ashes to Ashes

Author: dirigibleplumbing

Word Count: 51,582

Summary: After regrouping following some surprise time travel, the world's heroes and sorcerers come up with a plan to protect the Mind and Time Stones by taking them into space in opposite directions. The result involves a lot more time loops than Steve would like, but at least they're getting a second chance to stop Thanos. (As well as a third, and a fourth...) And if Steve takes the opportunity to try to reconcile with Tony, too—well, they have the time, and Steve's going to make the most of it.

Why You Should Read It:

Dirigibleplumbing’s another name in Stony fanfics that does not get nearly as much fanfare as they deserve. They’re consistently a really creative voice in Stony fanfics and I always look forward to their stories showing me something new. Go read all their fics, I need more people to geek out with me over them.

I tend to limit myself on Steve-and-Tony-mend-things-after-Civil-War fics not because they’re not good, but because they’re so heavy, and also the Sokovia Accords have five hundred layers of crap in them that no good fic could possibly hash out well. This one, though? When you add in the Infinity War/End Game fixit? Poetry. Art. Music to my ears. DP wrote a really engaging, twisty story where it’s hard to predict what’s coming next, in spite of it literally being a pseudo-Groundhog day scenario. The characterizations are great, the story is engaging, and the feelings are big and sad and eventually happy. Go read it, you’ll love it.

I have tons of other recs for this category but this seems like a good place to stop for today. Tomorrow’s Alternative Media Thursday, and I’ve got some real gems I’ve been saving for that day (aaaaand possibly a self-rec or two ;)

[uncloseted]

What are some effective waya to become more productive?

what are some effective ways 2 be productive?

First things first, figure out what the problem actually is. Why are you struggling to be productive? Is it because you're a perfectionist and the idea of not doing the task perfectly stresses you out? Is it because you're lacking the motivation to do anything? Is it because you're struggling to concentrate, or because you're overwhelmed by the task, or because you don't know where to begin? There are tons of reasons why you might be struggling with productivity, and figuring out what the roadblocks you're encountering are can help you to find ways around them. Since I can't read your mind, I'm going to try and give advice that will work for most of the roadblocks you might encounter.

When it comes to big things, I recommend using the SMARTER & WOOP methods. SMARTER and WOOP are two tools that are really useful for behavior modification and other long-term goals you might have.

SMART(ER) is a tool to help you set the right goals for you.  Too often, we set goals like “I’m going to start exercising” or “I’m going to quit going on my phone”.  Those are great in theory, but without an action plan, it’s easy to not follow through.

SMARTER goals are ones that are:

Specific (simple, sensible, significant).

If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it.

Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved?

Measurable (meaningful, motivating).

Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come.

A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”?

Achievable (agreed, attainable).

Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful.  If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress.

An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?”

Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you.  Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing.

A relevant goal is one that can answer “yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?”

Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward.

A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?”

Evaluate

Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals.  Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them.

Readjust

If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals.  That doesn’t mean that you’re failing at your goals or that you should quit; it just means you have to rethink the approach you’re taking.  Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short.  Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it.

The best goals are ones that include trying new things instead of quitting old ones.  Quitting things is hard; learning something new is easier and more exciting.  If you’re looking to quit something, replace it by establishing a new habit that takes its place.  For example, “I’m going to stop going on my phone,” is hard, but “when I feel like going on my phone, I’ll read a book for ten minutes instead” might be easier to maintain.

After you’ve figured out your SMARTER goal, it’s time to WOOP.  WOOP is something like the scientifically proven cousin of “manifesting”.  Just visualizing our goals or positive thinking on its own can be counterproductive, because it fools our lizard brains into believing that we’ve already achieved the goal.  By using the WOOP method, you can prevent that from happening and actually achieve what you want to achieve.

WOOP stands for:

Wish: Identify a wish that is challenging, yet attainable.  This should be your SMARTER goal.

Outcome: Imagine the best outcome as a result of your wish (as vividly as possible).  Really daydream about what your life would be like if you achieved your goal.

Ask yourself, what is the biggest benefit you could receive from achieving this goal?

Obstacle: Identify and imagine what obstacles will get in the way of your wish.

What might get in the way?  Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, old behavior patterns, bad habits, social pressure… identify as many as you can, then prioritize their likely they are to happen and how significant they would be if they did happen.

Plan: Create an if-then plan to overcome the obstacles you identified- “if [obstacle occurs] then I will [plan A].”  Do your best to pick the most effective path you can for each obstacle, and identify a few different plans in case your first plan doesn’t work.

For example, if you wanted to start exercising, your WOOP might look like this:

Wish: Go on a run 3x/week after school/work for a month.

Outcome: Better energy, confidence, and health.

Obstacle: Feeling tired and hungry at the end of the day…Not wanting to go.

Plan: Pack a snack for the end of the day, and put on gym clothes right when you get home.

Or if you wanted to stop watching TV and read more:

Wish: Watch only 5 episodes of TV per week, and read when I feel the urge to watch TV for a month.

Outcome: Learn a lot. Get smarter. Feel better. Enjoy the great ideas. Feel like I’m spending my time wisely.

Obstacle: Not feeling like it. Preferring to watch TV.

P: If I catch myself watching TV, then I turn it off and start reading a book instead.

The last thing you can do to increase the chances that you’ll achieve your goal is to get someone else involved.  Either find a friend who’s setting the same goal that you are, or tell someone about your goal and ask them to help you achieve it by checking up on you.  It can also be helpful to put money on the line- give money to a friend with the understanding that you’ll get it back on a set date if you’ve achieved your goal.  If you really want to ensure that you reach your goal, tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause that you really hate.

For smaller, more day to day tasks:

Make a list of everything you need to do. Sort them into four categories- tasks that are Urgent & Important, tasks that are Not Urgent & Important tasks that are Not Important but Urgent, and tasks that are neither Urgent nor Important. Focus first on the tasks that are Urgent & Important. This can help you prioritize which things to work on first.

From there, take a look at each individual task and break it down into very small steps that you can't fuck up. These can be as small as "open laptop", "open Google Docs", "write name at top of the page", etc. If it helps, you can assign each one of these steps a point count, and then give yourself a treat once you collect enough points (10 points, 20 points, 50 points, and so on).

Once you have your list and have identified all of the steps, just do the first step. It can be daunting to start a big project or task; it's way easier to just do one thing. And once you do one thing, it feels easier to do just one more thing, and just one more thing, and so on until the task is complete.

Once you build up some momentum, I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique. Work for 20-25 minutes (or as long as you can really focus) and then take a 5-10 minute break. Stand up, get a drink, get a snack, watch a short TV episode or a YouTube video, look up that thing that was on your mind, whatever will give your brain a break. Then, set another 20-25 minute timer and get back to work. After three or four cycles of working and taking a short break, take a longer break.

A few other things that I think it's important to remember when it comes to productivity.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. You don't need to finish things, and you don't need to do them perfectly. If it's a choice between doing something badly or not doing it at all, it's always better to do it badly.

You don't need to do things the way other people would do them- do it how it works for you. Sometimes that won't make sense to other people, but that's all right. The only person it has to work for is you. If bouncing back and forth between different tasks works better for you than focusing on one task until it's done, then bounce back and forth between tasks. That's okay.

It's okay to ask for help. If you have trouble doing things, that's okay- find someone who can assist you. Maybe you're bad at projects that don't have someone to be accountable to. Find a friend who will hold you accountable. Maybe you're bad at projects without deadlines. Set deadlines for yourself and get someone to make sure you meet them. Sometimes you don't need to work through your shortcomings- you just need to find a way around them.