#(we're ignoring that i've been saying that for literally two or three years at this point life is time consuming)

[blade-liger-4ever]

Why Cody Burns succeeded where Rafael Esquivel failed

Honestly, Raf is one of those characters I never thought much of, in part because he was so forgettable. More often than not in Prime, Raf was just the sweet baby who everybody thought the world of and wanted to keep out of harm's way, even though the most he ever did in the show was provide technical help with Earth machinery or play the part of innocent child. This was not helped by the fact that he was buddy-ed up with the mute Bumblebee, who's sole contributions up until his two part arc and the series finale was additional man power and adorable mimic. While this was good for background humor, it ultimately did nothing to the overall storyline in the series, both for Raf and for Bee, and for the series itself.

By contrast, Cody Burns - the resident team baby, beloved by all and unwaveringly helpful in rescue missions - stood out far more than Raf. And what's more, is that he never had "his own" Autobot/Cybertronian partner, when literally his whole family had one of their own.

Allow me to delve into this, hopefully, final observatory post regarding the TFP kids.

Of all the humans, we quite frankly get the least out of Raf. We know he's a prodigy, given that he's twelve (and a quarter) and jumped straight into the same classes as Miko and Jack, the former of whom is no slouch as I've already covered. We're shown that his family allows him free reign of Jasper, as he's playing by himself near the road, although he's alone. That tells us that his family is either extremely lax in their attention for their youngest child, or that Jasper is an actually safe location for a kid who's barely filling out his shoes to be on his own. Whether or not either option is true, that's dangerous and shows that Raf goes unnoticed by his family. I'm not saying they're abusive or willfully neglectful of him, but this points us to the conclusion that Raf has a very lonely home life, and we already know that he's got zero friends until he meets the Autobots.

This could have been a great plot-point for the series: by giving Team Prime a small child with no one for company, the writers could have more clearly given the Autobots hope for the future of the War/after the War, while Raf could have gained confidence and security from having people who actually cared and listened to him. It could have been fun, having him be the human cycling through the Autobots for various needs. Imagine Raf going to Optimus for comfort after another day of feeling ignored, talking to Arcee for ideas on how to stand up to Vince (being the sole child in class makes you a target, after all), or coming to Bulkhead for how to struggle through the physical aspects of his school regimen (i.e. the time he brought up the rope climbing to Ratchet.) The possibilities were endless.

But instead, he's specifically handed over to Bee. Bee, who is the disabled child that is also largely forgotten, and who, while he does bond with Raf and provide him with much needed company, offers nothing else in the way of development or storylines. We got something marginally better when Raf started spending time with the grumpy grandpa that is Ratchet, which was great to highlight Ratchet's soft side that nurtures his own character progression, but it's not enough for Raf's development. I greatly prefer the company of the Autobots to the human characters in virtually every series, but there needs to be a noticable human presence to ground the Autobots' protective instincts toward Earth and to push along the story. Raf ended up being a token character not even halfway through the first season, which is a shame given his potential, especially since he and Bee ended up being background décor.

Now, as a counterpoint, we come to Cody Burns.

Like Raf, Cody is the youngest child of the Burns clan - and I say clan because his family has been the one providing Griffin Rock's safety and protection for about...roughly three hundred years? (Correct me if I'm wrong, but his family were the ones in-universe to discover the island. Thus, there's a large claim and respect to his family's name.) His father Charlie is the chief of police; his oldest brother Kade is the chief firefighter; his older sister Dani is the helicopter pilot and primary search and rescue operator; and his brother Graham, who's about eight years older than ten year old Cody, is already a chief engineer and inventor himself. Clearly, Cody has an impressive family. Clearly, they're the best of the best, and he couldn't be prouder of them.

And clearly, Cody feels the need to earn his stripes given their talents and the family's reputation.

A recurring subplot in Rescue Bots is how Cody is insecure about his role on the team, and that often leads him to attempt to provide help and find his place in life in the family. Sometimes, this works; although he's often left monitoring the situations across the island at home through the cameras, Cody finds ways of giving advice or pointing out a hazard that the others are oblivious to that would have likely killed them. And this is a noble occupation his fills, with his aid saving many lives and much trouble.

However, sitting around and merely being an observer wears on him. It makes him restless, and he often seeks aid from the 'Bots to figure out his problems before typical shenanigans ensue that rectify the current episode's dilemma.

This is an important part of Cody's characterization because while he does occasionally feel left out/ignored by his family, he understands it is because of their duties. Charlie has to daily wrangle different criminals and legal offenses while Graham is eagerly going to town on his latest project. Kade and Dani each have their own lives that are beginning and that they're pursuing, but additionally maintain an intense sibling rivalry due to them being not even three years apart. Thus, while they're seeing they're respective girlfriend and boyfriend, they're also competing in various childish ways that, sometimes, result in massive fights. It's no small wonder Cody rarely goes to them for advice.

For this, he's left with the 'Bots, and because they view him as their darling little brother who inspires them every day to give the humans of Griffin Rock and Earth a chance, they listen and advise him. Heatwave is the oldest of the 'Bots, and thus more experienced; additionally, Heatwave more than once nearly threw in the towel in the early days, but only relented due to Cody's convictions and virtues. Therefore, while they have a special bond without it being the sole focus, Cody tends to run to Heatwave the most when emotionally unwell and Charlie is unavailable. Heatwave in turn gives him comfort and advice, and backs him up in most situations. Chase is one he less often seeks help from, mostly due to Chase's nature of being a rigid rulebook. Most times Cody helps Chase understand human expressions and terms when Charlie is busy or otherwise engaged, with both their efforts helping the police 'Bot to loosen up. There are times when he needs Chase's input, as strange as that aid might be, and Cody doesn't hesitate to seek it.

Boulder he goes to almost as regularly as Heatwave, and the two get along fantastically. Boulder provides him with loving company he's hungry for, and sound advice without being overbearing. Blades sometimes needs more encouragement than anything, and thus Cody plays the rare part of helping guide someone through their numerous fears. Because of that, the 'copter 'Bot is extremely loyal and protective of Cody, and when Cody does ask for his help or companionship, Blades readily gives it. Sometimes, Blades will even go above and beyond what is asked, and never asks for anything in return.

These are healthy, constantly growing relationships that Cody develops with the 'Bots, as well as magnificent characterizations that are always expanding. While the focus tends to be shown through Cody's eyes or centered around him, it never fixates on him more than is necessary. Rather, by setting him up as the show's heart, the writing team is able to stretch out towards arcs related to other characters, both the 'Bots and their specific partners, and the other human cast members who interact with the 'Bots on a less frequent basis.

This is how Cody takes the potential of Raf from Prime and not only runs with it, but builds up countless heartwarming moments and strong characterizations over the course of Rescue Bots' run. Cody is positively and rightly shown as the glue of the family element of the show, and is given the autonomy to maintain his own personality and growth without being forgotten like Raf consistently was. That's why Cody stands out, and poor Raf is left hanging.

Well, that's my thoughts on the matter. I felt I should tackle Raf, given I covered his two peers, and Cody is a cute, fun, and constantly evolving counterpart to Raf that explains much of why I feel the poor baby of Team Prime was ultimately misused and unnecessary. I hope you enjoyed this, and that it got some gears turning in your heads.

I'll be seeing you guys!

"Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue!"

[iovetecchou]

⌜Love To Hate You ⧸ Hate To Love You⌟ 𓂃༞♡

༞ Gojo Satoru x Reader

༞ Contains...! enemies to lovers trope, implied hidden feelings, brief mention of suggestive dreams, "princess" used as a nickname for the reader, bickering, banter, implied jealousy, suggestive, making out, groping, boners (lmao)

༞ AFAB Reader.

༞ 2,329 words.

༞ Part 1/? Part 2.

Satoru Gojo was a real thorn in your side. Ever since you started at Jujutsu High as a teacher for the first-year students your superior- Satoru Gojo, has brought you nothing but headaches.

You were an aid for his class. Principal Yaga thought Gojo needed an extra hand with keeping the students on task. Your superior had a nasty habit of having last-minute field trips with his students when he didn't particularly feel like teaching. Which... was nearly every day. 

You admit you had high hopes before you met "The Satoru Gojo". Putting on your brightest smile as you introduced yourself to him for the very first time. You even bought him Zunda as a peace offering, hoping it would smooth over well with the one and only. 

But alas, he ignored you. 

Completely. 

He swiftly took the bag of goodies from your hand before perching himself atop his desk. Gojo swung his legs in a child-like manner as he began stuffing his annoyingly gorgeous face with your peace offering. Your jaw hung agape as you watched him do as he pleased. Not having a single ounce of respect for you.

 If his actions didn't prove it enough, his following words solidified it. 

"Let's get one thing straight, princess. I am in charge here, so don't make yourself too comfortable." 

"Princess..?!"

From that day forward, things were... rocky between the two of you.

He would step on your toes, sometimes quite literally; just to tick you off. Gojo spoke over you, correcting you mid-sentence when you were teaching the students. He would show up late every morning, leaving you to cover for his ass when Principal Yaga made his rounds. Among many other pesky things that would take you hours to list. 

Gojo was infuriating. Everything he did made your blood boil. But, with all that being said... why was it that he plagued your dreams each night? 

You cursed his name each morning when you woke up from a heated dream where Gojo was the star of it. He was obnoxious, loud, arrogant and cocky. So why was it that your deepest desires; even in your subconscious mind, revolved around him?

I guess the saying is true... don't hate someone too much, It might bloom into love.

But alas, you acted like those dreams were nothing but a nuisance. Facing Gojo each morning with indifference. Pretending like he didn't plague your dreams was a cakewalk, and you would guard your dirty little secret like your life depended on it. 

"Rough night, princess? You look like a total wreck!" Gojo quipped. He offered you a shit-eating grin as he swung his long legs up, crossing them atop his desk. Not having a care in the world for the papers that cascaded to the floor from his sudden action.

"Speak for yourself. Smells like you've been wearing that uniform for three days now." You sighed, placing your bag atop your desk before you took your seat. 

"I've been wearing this uniform for five days actually, if we're keeping count." Gojo snickered, fiddling his pen between his long fingers with ease. 

"That's repulsive, Gojo." Your face crinkled in disgust as you paid him no mind. All your focus shifting toward the ungraded papers on your desk. 

"I was joking, princess! You don't actually believe I'm that filthy- do you?!" He chuckled once more before his attention was brought to the door by the sound of a stern knock. 

"Nanami! Whatcha doin' here?" Gojo chimed, unmoving from his lax spot. 

Nanami cleared his throat before striding toward your desk, completely ignoring Gojo. You sat up from your chair to greet Nanami with a small smile. 

"Good morning, Nanami!" You spoke softly. You got a small glimpse of Gojo from behind Nanami's large frame as he pretended to gag himself with a pen from your gentle tone. You scowled before Nanami's words pulled you from your offense. 

"Morning, Y/N. I've been meaning to ask- would you like to go to dinner with me tonight? You've been working hard these past few months since you started here, and I'd be more than happy to treat you out." 

Nanami offered you a tight-lipped smile. You felt coy from his generous offer, stammering out your quick response. "Of course, I would love to! That's so kind of you, Nanami." 

Your smile was wide as your eyes averted from Nanami's striking gaze. "It's the new place that opened up in town a few weeks ago. Meet me there when you finish up here for the day. I'll be patiently waiting for you."

With that, Nanami took his leave. He spared one last glance at you from the doorway before descending the hall. Gojo was now sitting upright. You could feel his gaze on you even past the blindfold. "Looks like someone's got a hot date tonight." He scoffed. 

You rolled your eyes at your superior's childish musings. "It's not a date! Nanami is just being friendly. Quit assuming that, it's weird."

You went back to grading your student's papers. The thought of this night actually being a date with Nanami now plagued your brain.

"It's totally a date," Gojo muttered under his breath as his palm rested on the side of his cheek, supporting his head. 

"So what if it is? Why does it matter so much to you anyway?" You snapped. Your head shot up as you now glared at him furiously. It was only eight in the morning, and he was already getting on your nerves. 

Gojo stood, turning away from you. He began writing today's lesson on the chalkboard, not daring to answer either of your questions. His reaction took you off guard for sure. Gojo always had to have the last word, so why was he clamming up on you now? 

You didn't have the chance to ask him again before your students began rushing into the classroom. You figured you would drop it anyway. Focusing on class today was more important. 

The day zipped by like every other, and Yuuji was the last to leave as usual. Waving goodbye with his sunny smile that you cherished. You finished up the last of your paperwork for the day before checking the clock, that hung above Gojo's desk. It was getting late. Maybe if you left now, you would have some time to change before meeting Nanami. 

"Let me drive you home." Gojo's voice pulled you from your train of thought as you pulled your coat on and slung your bag over your shoulder. 

"I'd much rather take the train." You sighed, making your way to the door. "Turn off all the lights and lock the door this time! Principal Yaga will have both of our asses if you don't."

You descended toward the elevator, not caring to say goodbye to your perpetual pain-in-the-ass superior. You began planning out an outfit in your mind, overthinking if you should go casual or not. But just as you were about to press the ground floor button, Gojo snaked through. He offered you a sly grin before slotting himself behind you. He reached over you, taking the liberty of pressing the button.

"I'll admit, I'm a little hurt you didn't wave goodbye to me, princess." His breath tickled the shell of your ear from where he leaned forward slightly behind you. You felt a chill run down your spine from the proximity, whipping around to face him before shoving him back slightly. Having him invade your senses like that was dangerous.

"Don't be a baby. You know I have plans tonight." You glared daggers into the tall man standing before you. Tapping your foot in annoyance the more he tested your patience. 

"Plans, huh? Don't you mean your hot date with the charming Nanami? What a dashing prince he is, perfectly suitable for a princess like you."

"You're a weirdo- and stop it with that nickname. I don't like it." You huffed. Crossing your arms over your chest, still glaring at his annoyingly perfect face. 

"Oh, but calling you princess is the best part of my day. You know why?" Gojo trailed off, stepping closer to you. You could feel his intense gaze on you even past his blindfold as his chest came flush against yours. Your arms going limp at your sides.

"...Why?" You genuinely were curious, but your response only seemed to make Gojo's grin widen. 

"Because watching you pretend that you hate it when you secretly love it is entertaining, princess."

Your blood boiled at his response, and you could feel yourself heating up inside and out. You brought your hands up to beat on his chest, but he grabbed your fists before you had a chance. Gojo pulled your balled-up fists closer to his chest, holding them tightly. 

Before you could process it, Gojo took both of your fists between one of his large palms. His other hand pressed a tricky button on the elevator, causing the whole contraption to stop. 

"Gojo- what the hell did you do that for?!" You were furious at this point. Trying with all your might to free your hands from his grasp, but to no avail. 

"Princess, what are we doing?" His voice lowered an octave, seeming more serious than you've ever seen him before.

"What the hell are you talking about?" You knit your eyebrows together in confusion, still attempting to free your hands. 

"Us, I'm talking about us. I'm tired of playing this game." Gojo spoke calmly, bringing his face even closer to yours. 

"You mean us hating each other?" You scoff, trying to avert your gaze from his face. The proximity was causing you to feel butterflies, which you couldn't help but internally scold yourself for. 

"Do you really hate me, princess?" Gojo sounded almost sad when he uttered those words, pulling your gaze right back to his annoyingly handsome face. 

You stammered for a moment. Shaking your head in confusion before you whispered, "N-No, I mean... I don't know. Do you hate me?" You weren't sure what compelled you to ask him those four little words. But they were out in the open, no taking it back now. 

Before you could process it, Gojo closed the small distance between you both. His lips gently brushed over yours as he finally released your hands from his grasp. Expirementally, his lips captured yours. Gojo's large palms came down to smooth over your sides as he deepened the kiss. 

Your eyes were blown wide from the sudden affection coming from the man who plagued your dreams and tormented your days. But you couldn't deny that it felt good, that kissing him felt right. Gojo gasped against your lips as your hands came up to tug at his snowy tufts of hair. 

This gave Gojo the confidence to trail his hands lower. His palms caressed the sides of your thighs before hoisting you up. On instinct, your legs wrapped around his waist. "Hah..." You let out a small whine as your back collided with the elevator wall. 

"Oh my god..." Gojo groaned deeply, letting his kisses trail down your jaw and to your neck. 

"W-What...?" You mindlessly questioned as you threw your head back. Completely lost in the pleasurable feeling of Gojo marking up your neck. 

"That sound you just made. So heavenly, princess." Heat pooled in your core from his honest confession. Knowing your muffled whine had such an effect on him caused pride to flood your chest.

His slender fingers felt so hot against the fat of your ass as he kneaded the flesh with fervor. His pelvis was flush against yours, and you couldn't help but gasp at the feeling of his crotch pressing against yours. All of your fantasies were finally coming to fruition. If it wasn't for how real this all felt, you would have assumed this was just another one of your dreams. 

"Hey, you guys okay in there?" 

A gruff voice coming from the intercom built into the elevator pulled a gasp from your lips. You hurriedly pushed Gojo away as you found your footing. "Yeah, all good in here. Sorry! Must have pressed the wrong button." 

Gojo lied through his teeth as he swiftly pressed a button, putting the elevator back in motion. You could hardly look at him as you adjusted your uniform, trying to fix your disheveled state. 

"Did that answer your question, princess?" Gojo's words caused more heat to swirl in your tummy. 

Oh, it answered your question alright. It's safe to say his little show of affection did more than just answer it.

You zipped right past him the moment the elevator stopped at the ground floor. You felt too embarrassed to say anything more at that moment. But more than that, really. You felt as if you didn't leave now; you wouldn't have been able to resist him. 

Your heart was beating a mile a minute as you stormed out of the school building and toward the train station. How were you supposed to face Nanami after this? Especially if he thought this was a date. Gojo was a real prick for planting that seed in your head and then kissing you fervently the same day.

As your mind ran rampant, Gojo still lingered in the elevator. He slumped to the floor the second his back hit the wall. His slender digits caressed his lips. He could still feel the warmth of your skin against his plush mouth. His heart pounded in his chest, as he recounted every detail of what transpired only moments ago. Not helping to alleviate the painful tent in his pants in the slightest. 

All Gojo could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss you again, to make you his and his alone. After finally getting a taste of you, there was no way in hell he would give you up now. Gojo was determined to win you over. No matter what it would take.  

[xxastreascornerxx]

First post let's go!!

I've seen A LOT of hate towards Lunar but where's that energy towards Earth?

Lunar has gone through a lot and it seems like Eclipse did some stuff off camera as well because of how bad it did fuck him up. Some people don't seem to acknowledge that although most of their lives are uploaded to YouTube there is no way that you can capture someone's entire life unless you just let it keep rolling, no camera cuts, just pure raw footage.

Lunar might be a bit spoiled to some, sure— I'd even agree he's self centered. But has everyone forgotten the SHORT time span this is going on in? The amount of shit that has happened and it's only been what? Two and a half maybe three years?

Now onto the actual argument because I'm tired of filler to help my case.

Lunar TOLD Earth the shit that he went through at the hands of Eclipse, and she respected it. But clearly she didn't respect it enough to not BEFRIEND THE MAN.

Sure you can argue that it's a different Eclipse but my stance is the same Lunar has stated time and time again that Eclipse has treated him the same, whether physically or verbally this Eclipse has still treated him like that "failed creation" and that fucks with someone.

"Lunar didn't have to start a villain arc by killing Ecli—" SHUT UP. THAT WAS NOT A VILLAIN ARC. Earth got pissy because her new "friend" died and she was going down the same route as they did with Nexus.

Earth was fully planning on disowning Lunar for killing his abuser whether she says it verbally or not. We're told time and time again that Earth is deathly afraid of being a bad person, of not being the perfect sister. It seems that fear applies to every one of her siblings but Lunar.

Everyone who's calling Lunar a bad person for his "Villain arcs" are ignoring the fact that Earth despite claiming not to be a therapist and trying to "help" Lunar has been sitting there DEMEANING HIM FOR NOT GETTING HELP.

Sure Lunar should see an actual psychologist but why would he want to go to his sister when she's just going to judge him?

Onto the current "villain arc" because I feel like I'm harping too much on Eclipse and Earth, I don't condone Lunar killing Eclipse but Earth's reaction was fucked up.

Lunar has been training for months, it started once every week with one teacher and now it's twice a week with two. He's going to be exhausted, sure Lunar took what Gemini said wrong but they still essentially told this man to stop being traumatized.

Taurus is just as badly in the wrong as Gemini for this however with Gemini I expected some sort of respect? I mean you're claiming to try and love someone despite your limited understanding of the concept however you're treating him like lesser.

Earth claimed to want to help, to understand how stressful training was. But as soon as Lunar tells her that he's getting a break she's ON HIS ASS. (It's not actually a break, Lunar literally got told that he couldn't be useful unless he was letting his emotions go)

Sure, during the Nexus situation he was pretty absent— both Nexus situations he was absent but guess what Earth? HE HAS A LIFE THAT DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND HIS SIBLINGS.

Do I agree Lunar could've been there more? Yes. But he's balancing Training with two GODS twice a week, what limited schedule he's given for the daycare because he "isn't good at his job" (he wasn't MADE to be a daycare attendant he was made to be a suppressant so Eclipse could rule the world) and on top of that he has to go home and be a "good brother" in Earth's eyes.

I feel like Earth pushes her own fear onto Lunar, he's not a bad brother he's just crumbling under pressure LIKE NEXUS. Earth pushed him too far and she got hurt, I'm not saying she deserved it but she has no fucking respect for his emotional and mental well-being because when she looks at him she sees someone unfit to be apart of the Celestial family.

I'm sick and fucking tired of saying that Earth is always good because SHE FUCKING ISN'T. She's a great girlfriend and wonderful at giving advice but she is a HORRIBLE sister to Lunar.

"Earth is crumbling under pressure too—" AT LEAST EARTH HAS OUTLETS AND PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO LET HER VENT. Lunar doesn't have HALF of what she has, when he tries to communicate with the Astrals they put him lower than them and try to tell him how to fix the problem (when you're venting you don't want a solution you want to be heard) when he tries to find his own ways to destress guess who comes waltzing in with another problem? EARTH.

Earth has a problem with Lunar always saying that he's going to die when she has a problem with him but does she not understand that her feelings aren't being invalidated he's just communicating his own? He's afraid and needs someone to talk to and his own SISTER won't comfort him because she's too wrapped up in being pissy over the miniscule issues.

Lunar should've been there more for Sun but could he have? He was trying to cope with the idea that he no longer had mentors, to him he didn't have a purpose. He had every right to try and stay away especially while messing with NSP.

Earth doesn't seem to understand that Lunar has been fucking doomed by the narrative since day one, he's been abused, pushed to the side, and told that if he isn't helpful he might as well be dead. Of course he's going to go looking for other ways to be of use.

I don't agree with Lunar teaming up with Rez and using NSP but he accidentally hurt Earth because she pushed him too far. She asks so much of him. I wish Lunar wouldn't have gotten into this mental state but again he's doomed by the narrative. He loved Gemini and he would've done anything for them to see him as useful.

Now, Lunar is on trial again and his sister is damaged because SHE pushed him too far. I don't hate Earth but trust me I'll be one of the first people to put that bitch in her place because she has no right making Lunar's issues about her.

[amethystina]

hey i hope you're doing fine <3 i just wanted to drop by and scream over the recent WHTD chapter, you blew me away with the perfectly written gut wrenching yearning like i. was. on. the. floor. yohan literally being unable to ignore a distressed gaon even tho he is literally dying himself we love to see it!! and gaon with the hoodie??? oh my sweet boy, i feel bad for you (even tho you bought this upon yourself lol) anyways i can't wait to see where we go from here, i can't express enough just how excited i am for their journey...

while we're on that topic, i was recently re-reading 'it is mine to avenge' and as we know, they are established in that fic and it got me so curious on how that happened like what led to that first kiss and who initiated it? would you be so kind to entertain me cuz i cannot stop thinking ab it lol (also im going to absolutely lose it when they finally kiss in WHTD like im scared for myself)

ok i'll shut up now, thank you for your beautiful stories they bring me so much comfort and joy, you and your works are so so loved so thank you <33 i hope you're feeling better now and please take care of yourself!! <3

I'm so glad you enjoyed the latest chapter! That last scene with Ga On and Yo Han was so very heartbreaking to write because they both yearn so incredibly much but have their reasons for trying to hold back. And it has reached the point where not even Yo Han is in full control anymore, his desire to help and protect Ga On overruling his iron will. I think that says a lot.

And yeah, the hoodie scene made me feel bad for Ga On but also made me want to shake my head at him. Ga On, my sweet baby deer — you are a disaster.

But a disaster I adore, so he's got that going for him, at least.

I hope the rest of the journey will be enjoyable as well! The coming chapters are going to be full of scenes I've been dying to write for ages — and I mean that literally since I've been writing this fic for three years now. Hopefully, you will find them as exciting as I do!

As for It Is Mine to Avenge, it was Ga On who initiated their first kiss, which Yo Han points out in the story itself:

"And Yo Han knew — had known, from the very first time Ga On had kissed him, bold and unafraid — that he would never find that anywhere else."

Aside from that, the only detail I've decided on is that they didn't get together until after the drama. But I can't say if it was days, weeks, or months after. Or exactly what the scene looked like. Mainly because it wasn't relevant to the main story and, in some ways, I want to leave it as open as possible for my readers to decide for themselves.

I mean, some might even want to put It Is Mine to Avenge in the same universe as Who Holds the Devil, which is totally fine by me.

Like, we're not even at the one-year mark after the drama in Who Holds the Devil and It Is Mine to Avenge is set two years after Yo Han faked his death. So it's possible 😉 And Yo Han never mentions exactly what it is that Ga On does to bring change and fight for equality. It could be the Justice Project. But it could also be something else entirely. It's your choice!

... and I guess that means I just spoiled who will kiss who first in Who Holds the Devil but I think that's pretty obvious by now considering Yo Han's desire to be chosen. He's not going to be the one to kiss Ga On because he wants Ga On to pick him and show how much he wants to be with him — even if it means Yo Han is going to be waiting for a while still.

(Also: No, I'm not saying that It Is Mine to Avenge and Who Holds the Devil are in the same universe, but I'm not going to stop anyone from having that as their headcanon)

So yeah! I've intentionally left things vague in It Is Mine to Avenge because I didn't want to ruin anyone's theories. Which I guess is the boring answer since you wanted to be entertained? Sorry about that 😂

I know I say I have a plan for almost everything and that's still true, it just so happens that my plan this time was to not have an answer because I thought it would be more interesting for people to come up with their own theories and ideas.

So, really, a better question would be what YOU think led to that first kiss 😉

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I admit I really need them right now because things are, unfortunately, not getting any better. I still haven't recovered from my burnout but there's a risk I have to go back to working full-time anyway because of bureaucracy. And I'm kind of scared of what that will do to my overall health, both mental and physical. And having to deal with that anxiety is exhausting all on its own, never mind the strain of working full-time.

Plus, my former stepdad (my mum and he broke up about two years ago but were together for twenty years so he's been there for more than half of my life) is in the hospital with sepsis. They found bacteria in his heart and he's currently getting antibiotics every sixth hour in an attempt to keep it from killing him 🙃

So, uh, life is kind of shit? I've barely had time to deal with the previous loss and now I'm terrified I'll be hit with another.

(It probably won't happen since he's being carefully monitored and he sounds surprisingly cheerful for someone who's going to be pumped full of antibiotics for four weeks straight, but yeah. Tell that to my brain)

So thank you, truly, for caring about me and for all the kindness. It means a lot to me 💜

[juchily]

Yellowjackets (+ relationships) as song lyrics

(most if not all of it is rock ithink) and italics are being rlly weird so please excuse irregularities with that

Ve: tragic angst JackieShauna (Snackie), my beloved. Drug refs

Yellowjackets

"In a crooked little town They were lost and never found Fallen leaves, fallen leaves Fallen leaves on the ground" - Billy Talent's "Fallen Leaves"

"From chagrin I've been released Paint me in a portrait sans The fig leaves, fig leaves And I will not be concerned Or ignore the things I yearn My hunger is the rule I cannot overturn" - Dirt Poor Robin's "Enchanté"

"We are the angry and the desperate The hungry, and the cold We're the ones who kept quiet And always did what we were told" - Rise Against's "Prayer of the Refugee"

Literal all of "'Shia Labeouf' Live' by Rob Cantor

Natalie Scatorccio

"I've got a new low All fifty two cards in a row I see now that I won't let go No I won't let go

Well who am I? A cold shoulder left to cry You feel bad, well so do I Yeah so do I" - Middle Class Rut's "New Low"

"Did I try, did I try to make amends? To live and die or did I really just pretend? Nightmare's talking as I'm sleepwalking And I can't stop thinking" - Bad Wolves's "If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Lottie Matthews

"You can't breathe until you choke You gotta laugh when you're the joke There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes Just open your eyes And see that life is beautiful. Will you swear on your life, That no one will cry at my funeral?" - Sixx:A.M.'s "Life Is Beautiful"

"I raised myself My legs were weak I prayed my mind be good to me

An awful noise Filled the air I heard a scream in the woods somewhere

...

How many years I know I'll bear I found something in the woods somewhere" - Hozier's "In The Woods Somewhere"

Misty Quigley

"'Cause you don't talk to the water boy And there's so much you could learn But you don't wanna know You will not back up an inch ever That's why you will not survive" - Spoon's "The Underdog"

Shauna Shipman

"Strawberry lipgloss, oh, it's wasted On this dumb boy who likes the chase

But why am I so angry in the first place? Why am I hurting?" - Nxdia's "She Likes a Boy"

Jackie Taylor

"Maybe you were wrong and I was right I don't care, won't you stay another night? I just need some time to be myself I couldn't say "I need you" on that night When you left and I lost all track of time I just want you close so I can feel you Can you feel me? Mmm" - Prateek Kuhad's "Co2"

Taissa Turner

"This is unbecoming of me It's like my own reflection's not what it used to be Tryna figure out where I missed I'll never find the answer, it's just the way it is" - Saint Asonia's "So What"

Van Palmer

"I'm on fire" - Pitbull's "Fireball"

Laura Lee

"Early days and sleepless nights Death and resurrection, life My body is a sacred note Sung between the flesh and hope My dirt transformed within a breath Before I took a single step I'm looking forward to the day When life can grow without decay" - half·alive's "creature"

Travis Martinez

"'Cause so badly I wanna go outside. (Such a lovely day) But everyone knows that a man ain't suppose to cry, listen. I gotta cry 'cause cryin' eases the pain, oh yeah. People this hurt I feel inside, words can never explain. I just wish it would rain. (Oh, how I wish that it would rain)" - The Temptations's "I Wish It Would Rain"

Jackie x Shauna

"I've been cold in the crypt But not as the cold as the words across your lips You'll be sorry baby some day When you reach across the bed where my body used to lay" - Three Days Grace's "Chalk Outline"

""Come on in, boy" said the skeletons Sitting by her closet door Dirty secrets, empty memories And broken hearts across the floor I was knocked out, heels over head So you dragged me by my feet To a ghost town, where you buried me No wonder no one heard my screams

Love's so alive, but it died in it's sleep And now that it's dead I live in your head And I will haunt your fucking dreams" - Set It Off's "The Haunting"

Taissa x Van

"Well, I'm not the world's most passionate guy But when I looked in her eyes, well, I almost fell for my Lola Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola" - The Kinks's "Lola"

"Believe me you really don't have to worry I only wanna make you happy and if you say "hey go away" I will But I think better still I'd better stay around and love you Do you think I have a case let me ask you to your face Do you think you love me?" - The Partridge Family's "I Think I Love You"

Lottie x Laura Lee

"Maybe in another life I could find you there Pulled away before your time I can't deal, it's so unfair" - The Offspring's "Gone Away"

Lottie x Nat

"Tell me who you are Your father has forsaken you Left you with those scars My hope is that you'll make it through Hate must never win Even when we're worlds apart Your love is not a sin Even if it's hard" - Falling In Reverse's "Coming Home"

Travis x Nat

"I am still dreaming of your face Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away I don't wanna be your good time I don't wanna be your fall-back crutch anymore" - Everclear's "Santa Monica"

Laura Lee x Nat

"I thought love was only true in fairy tales Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams

And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer" - Smash Mouth's "I'm A Believer"

Jackie x Nat

"I just feel so out of place Well, except for when you're near me When you're gone, I'm like a plant with no root Or a song that's on mute Don't you dare call it cute! You should fear me!" - Kaden MacKay's "Your Stupid Face"

Adult TaiNat

"Maybe you should just fall And leave the world and lose it all And if that's what you need To finally see I'll be with you through it all

Bring on the pills, roll the dollar bill Medicating will never heal Relapse, rehab, repeat Always thinking about the me, me, me

Self-destruct, spiral down Until your want becomes your need Please get up like I know you can Or forever love the fall" - Nothing More's "Jenny"

Adult MistNat

"Nothing in the world that I do means a thing without you I'm just half alive in my struggle to survive without you" - Frank Sinatra's "My Way Of Life"

This has been sitting in my draft for like, a week now, and I needed to get it outta there, reblog with songs/song lyrics you think fits a Yellowjackets character -🦎

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for being a power pitcher and shaking my head at my little league catcher's signs?

two years ago, in middle school, i joined the little league seniors after quitting my middle school team (long story i don't want to go into rn). and just being honest, i'm a really good pitcher, and i take it very seriously, and i plan to go pro when i graduate high school. i can pitch up to 150km per hour.

and to be completely honest i'm in kind of a bad mood over stuff from my middle school team, and i pitch for power, not control, so i hit him a few times. which leaves some bruises because i'm really fast and really good at pitching. anyway this kid keeps giving me signs like telling me to pitch high inside when like i said, i pitch for power not control, and he wants me to pitch a slider when i have a mosquito bite on my finger? and he's a total dick about it and completely ignores my seniority over him, or the fact that pitchers are allowed to shake our heads at signs for literally any reason.

the other thing is that because i'm aiming to become a pro, and because as a middle schooler, i was still in my growth period, i didn't want to overpitch and get injured, so i kept a reasonable pitch limit of 80 pitches per day. this catcher completely didn't get it, even though the coach was fine with it. so we had this other guy pitch for the first three innings, and then i'd come out and win us the game in the next 6 (or next four if it got called in the seventh because we were just that good).

anyway. at the all kanto tournament, our first pitcher gave up five runs in just one inning. so like a totally hopeless discrepancy. and the catcher demands that i pitch "all out" as if i haven't been doing my best considering that i don't want to be injured for a stupid little. league tournament. he keeps saying that i need to throw just one 150kph pitch to "show them" when there's no way we're winning anyway. and i'm not risking my pro career over a little league game, and especially not for this little twerp.

so i try to make it up to him by focussing on control, because that's good practice anyway. the game really really drags on, and eventually i get to 80 pitches in the eighth inning. so i do exactly what i've been doing this whole time and switch out at pitch 80 because i'm not gonna wreck my arm over a little league tournament. We lose (big fucking surprise, the first guy gave up 5 runs in one inning), and i go to the bathroom to wash up, and the catcher is literally bawling his eyes out. i try to comfort him, and he pins me to the wall, which could have messed with my pitching arm! anyway we stay a battery until i graduate middle school, and go play for my high school team, but now he's running around talking shit about me?

AITA or is he the asshole?

[dystopicjumpsuit]

DJ! It's me, Carol, I just can't ask with my side blog.

Questions for you. Feel free to ignore any you don't like:

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

19. Do you like bubble baths?

20. Do you like your neighbors?

22. Where would you like to travel?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

59. First thing you ate this morning?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

I guess that's enough. Pick and choose as you like, if you'd rather not do them all. I just wanted to give you plenty of options!

@clonethirstingisreal

Hi Carol! Thanks for asking! I queued that reblog so long ago that I'd forgotten about it, but the questions are super cute.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Fictional ones 💀

In seriousness, I tend to be more attracted to personality types than physical types. People with a quick wit that is tempered by kindness, who can hold their own in a conversation but aren't threatened by silence or afraid to be alone with their thoughts, who actively listen rather than just waiting for their turn to speak. Honestly, my fics give a pretty good indication of what kinds of personalities I'm attracted to.

When it comes to physical types, there's a vanishingly tiny subset of men that I find attractive, and it's basically bears. With women, the sky is the limit. Y'all are gorgeous.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

In theory, yes. In practice, I only have one bathroom, so to take a bath requires a preliminary cleaning of the tub, which is the opposite of relaxing. Someday, I will live somewhere with a freestanding tub, and then my bubble bath power will be unmatched.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH no. Most of my neighbors are dodgy as hell. That said, there's one house across the street and three houses up that I think, "Those people seem cool. I should bake them some bread or something." But then I realize I've lived here nearly eight years and it's just weird at this point. They probably think WE'RE dodgy as hell. Besides, what if they're gluten free? Too risky. Much better to just hide away like the hermit that I truly am. Though the idea of leaving a loaf of sourdough on their doorstep like a cat leaving a mouse as a gift does have its appeal.

22. Where would you like to travel?

In the United States: New Orleans; Salem, MA; Vermont (all of it). Outside the United States: Morocco, Spain, Turkiye, Iceland, Scotland, New Zealand, Portugal, Italy.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

SNUGGLE TIME. When I first wake up in the morning, and my partner tugs me across the bed to tuck in for a cuddle, and the ghouls curl up in front of me. It's like being in the middle of the world's coziest sandwich. We repeat this process at bedtime as well. It's non-negotiable.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

I have literally been thinking about this question for hours, and to be honest, I struggled to come up with any, not because I wouldn't have a threesome (totally would), but because I don't keep up with celebrity news, so I have no idea who is a horrible person and who I would allow into my ten-foot personal bubble. Based purely on looks and vibes, I'm going to say Ming-Na Wen and Pedro Pascal. I squirm in bi panic every time they're both on screen in The Mandalorian.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Two Great Value gingersnap cookies and a cup of caf. Breakfast of champions.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Tillamook Mint Chocolate Chip. It has these nice, big chunks of fudgy chocolate that makes it the obvious choice. Umpqua Chocolate Peanut Butter is a close second, and you need to come visit me so you can try it BC that shit is regional AF. If you're a peanut butter appreciator, it is incredible. It has, like, a RIVER of salty peanut butter running through chocolate ice cream. Chef's kiss.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

I have! I've been on enough horses to know that I'm not a horse person. Nothing against them; they're just not for me.

[storydays]

Spring Broken P2

(3rd POV)

"Alright, assholes, listen up and let's do that shit!" exclaimed Blitz, snapping a stick in his hand, in front of a poorly drawn presentation. 

M&M sat on the other side, Millie with a smile on her face and Moxxie with a glare. On the other side of the table, Loon was in the middle of scrolling on social media and paused to raise an eyebrow at the red and white imp. (Y/N) sat with his legs on the table, and typing on his tablet, probably texting Verosika or the Shadow Prince, could never tell with him. 

"We find a fuck ton of clients, we portal up,  and have our fun murder time per usual. We pile all the bodies into a big fucking canoe, we push said canoe into said water, we light it on fire, to attack sharks, eagles and  maybe a goose, they eat the bodies, we win the bet, we rub it in that sloppy bitch's drunken face ass face, do you have any questions?" 

Blitz smirked at his team, clearly proud of himself. 

(Y/N)'s tail flicked slightly. "Jackass say what?" He muttered low enough for Loona to hear making her lip turn upwards a bit. "What?" Blitz watched in confusion as Loona and (Y/N) fist bumped smirking to themselves.

"Yeah, why was that nonsense?" Moxxie asked. 

"That wasn't a question." replied an annoyed Blitz. 

"That wasn't a plan." snarked the smaller imp, crossing his arms. 

"I'm sorry, that was a flawless presentation of what we should do Mox. It's  not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs." 

"A what?"

"I'm calling you slow Moxxie. God, why don't you learn to take criticism,  you talentless baby dicked troll?" Blitz hissed, pointing at the other. 

 "Well, why don't you take an art class?!" Moxxie snapped, pointing his finger into his chest. "Why don't you see how expensive they are!" yelled Blitz, slamming Moxxie back into his chair. 

"Hey!" Loona called, "Is there a way I can come with you guys this time?" 

"Absolutely not, I forbid it, not gonna happen, sweetie." Blitz huffed, "Spring break is no place for vulnerable, young goth girls. You know, the kind of freaks up there who will drool all over you." 

At that exclamation, the team all glared out at the fourth wall, (Y/N) going as far as sending a middle finger. 

"Well, I can blend in, like (Y/N)." Loona said, drawing their attention back to her. "Wait, say that again." Blitz said, raising an eyebrow. 

"I can blend in?" Loona asked, shrugging her shoulders. "Do you have a human disguise?" Millie asked. "Yeah,(Y/N) got me one a few years ago." Blitz looked at his nephew who was now ignoring him, sweating under his uncle's intense glare. 

"You bought Loona a human disguise but not the rest of us?!" He yelled, eyes widening when (Y/N) easily towered over him, "Bitch, I told you 3 years ago to get yourselves some, and you keep blowing the money on horse shit!" The younger imp pursed his lips as he thought about it, "Literally!"

"You four have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time without human disguises?!" Loona growled, slamming her hands on the table. "Those three have an excuse, but why don't you use yours, (Y/N)?" 

"Well......new plan!" (Y/N) dodged the topic, and started drawing a new plan on his tablet before showing it to the rest. "Loona can help lure the humans to you guys, and we'll can take care of the rest. Seems like a solid plan to me!" He laughed nervously, clearly hiding something.

Seeing he was nervous, Millie perked up, "Flawless logic." "I think we're missing the biggest issue, sir," Moxxie spoke up, addressing Blitz, "Isn't it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet. We aren't just going up to massacre."

Blitz smirked, "I've got that covered, Mox."

The two went outside as Blitz hung up an ad that he drew giving a 50% off deal for kills. "Now, we wait." He said smugly, hands on his hip.

Moxxie facepalmed, "Sir, there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with horribly spelled,  bad grammar flier!" "Ha, look again, fatty." (Y/N) called from the window with a smirk. Moxxie's jaw dropped seeing the long line of clients wanting a kill. Blitz laughed smugly before walking to the crowd. "Now, who's first?"

*Timeskip to Earth*

Loona opened up a portal under the dock and the others hid behind rocks. "Now remember: We can't be seen, alright? Loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona and (Y/N)--" "Incorrect: (Y/N) will be killing and checking the names off." his nephew spoke up, eyes focused on the list. "Loona, can help with leading targets to a better spot to off them." Blitz finished with a slight glare at the interruption. 

"Loona, smell." (Y/N) held up a paper list for Loona. "Got it." she nodded, before standing and transforming into her human disguise.  "Wow, Loonie, you look downright awful!" Blitz complimented, eyes sparkling at this new side of his daughter. "Now fetch!" 

Loona's eyes locked onto the first four targets and quickly made easy work of drawing them away. 

The first guy Blitz shot in the forehead. 

The second guy (Y/N) wrapped a noose around his neck and jumped down from the roof, killing him instantly. 

The third guy, Millie kicked off a high building.

The fourth, Moxxie dropped glass on his head. 

Millie beat the next lady, and (Y/N) shot one in the head. 

Blitz finished tying them in a bag with a smug grin in his face. "That's nine kills in the bag, I'd like to see that whaely snatch that many orgasms that many--"

"Alright, Spring Breakers!" Verosika called over the speaker, as her demon form was shown through smoke, drinking alcohol before she came out of the smoke with a human disguise, "Y'all ready to get fucked up and make some bitchin' bad choices?!" She yelled, getting the crowd excited, "This is your final boarding call, all aboard." Verosika hummed seductively, running a hand through her blond hair. 

She moved across stage while the boards behind her said, "Fuck you Blitzo, and I love you, (Y/N)" Blitz foamed at the mouth and clenched his fists, while (Y/N) smiled to himself, blowing her a kiss when she looked his way.

All around Verosika's performance, people were getting it on like Donkey Kong. Her crew were all doing their own things with humans and getting freaky.

"Goddamn it! That bitch started her goadish mating call!" Blitz huffed, hands on hips, "Now she's gonna win all these sex maniacs, we gotta pick up things up guys." Seeing a guy barfing next to him he asked, "Is he on the list guys?" 

Both (Y/N) and Loona were looking elsewhere, Loona's eyes trained on Vortex while (Y/N)'s eyes watched Verosika's every movement on stage. "Huh, uh, yeah think so." They said in unison. "Good!" exclaimed Blitz raising an axe over his head as the human looked up in shock. 

"Whoa, what are you? A leprechaun?" asked the drunken human excitedly. "Yeah, pretty cool, huh?" the axe then came down and split the human's head into two. "But you sure as shit ain't gonna tell nobody." smirked the red and white imp. 

"Alright, next one, guys, c'mon." Blitz urged. When silence met his demand, he noticed Loona and (Y/N) were missing and started looking around with wide eyes. "Where are my babies?!" He screeched. "(Y/N) said he had something to deal with--" Moxxie started with Millie piping up, "Look!" she pointed to where Loona was heading towards Vortex. 

Blitz's eyes narrowed. 

*With Loona*

Loona walked confidently towards the older hellhound before checking her appearance once more. She scowled seeing a pair of guys fall in front of her as they made out, quickly followed by  a bathing suit top being thrown at her.

Vortex's eyes widen as he watched a crazed fan approach and quickly hit him out of commission. Loona grimaced as she took the bikini top off and looked around frantically for Vortex. As she moved to leave, a goth guy grabbed her shoulders and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Rolling her eyes, she punched him in his face and stalked off. 

"Now, who wants a piece of this?!" She yelled, throwing her alcohol into the crowd, not realizing it got into the ocean and changed a fish into a mutant. 

Meanwhile, Loona made her way next to Vortex. "Hey.....you!" she called, punching his shoulder awkwardly. "Oh,  you're the hound working for my boss's freaky ex. Aren't you also cousins with (Y/N)? He's a cool dude." 

"Yeah, sorry if that's weird." She laughed nervosuly, looking down. "It's cool, her beef ain't mine. I'm not paid enough to care." replied the older. "Yeah, yeah, I'm Loona." She sighed heavily, making Vortex chuckle as he copied her tone, "Okay, I'M VORTEX!"

"That's hot," Loona said dreamily before realizing her mistake and blushing brightly, "I mean, like, literally, you know? Because Vortexes, they you know, give off heat, probably? Right?" The older hellhound smiled at the goth's nervous energy. 

"I guess, but my friends call me Tex." "Oh, yeah? I wish I had friends. I mean, (Y/N) is my best friend but uh, yeah, I don't have friends." Loona played with her hair nervously before Blitz appeared with a look of annoyance on his face. 

"Am I interrupting?" 

"Nah, man," Vortex replied cooly, "Just having a conversation." 

"'Conversations" lead to HPV!" Blitz scowled, poking his finger into Vortex's chest, Loona narrowing her eyes at the imp. 

In the distance, Moxxie rolled his eyes, "Aaaand we've lost him. It's looking like it's up to us to finish this list." 

"Hell yeah!" Millie cheered, before noticing (Y/N) face palming. "What's up?" she asked curiously. "Uh, here, I'm sending you the list. There's only a couple more and I'm confident you guys got it." He quickly typed on his phone, sending a screenshot to Millie, before standing and dusting himself off. "I've got some business to take care of, and will catch up with you guys shortly." 

"Team M'n'M getting shit done, making money!" With determination, the two ran off, leaving a blood bath in their wake. 

*Back with Loona*

Loona pinched the bridge of her nose before looking around, "Blitz, get the fuck out of here, you're going to get us all into shit!" "I just wanted to see what was important that you'd be distracted from your job!" 

"What I can't have a break?" Loona demanded, moving Blitz to a private place. "WE HAVE A PARKING SPOT ON THE LINE!" He shouted back. 

"Hey, dude, why don't you chill out?" Vortex interrupted. "Why don't you stay out of it? Okay, this is our buisness.....literally!" Blitz deadpanned. "Oh, fuck, Blitz! Why can't you stay out of my face for 5 minutes?!" Loona seethed. "Because I adopted you! That should mean something." The imp crossed his arms and turned away. 

"Oh, what does it matter? You're not my real dad! I was almost 18!" 

"It still counts!"

"Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole, and I don't need you now." Loona screamed, not noticing the hurt on Blitz's face. 

*Back with M'n'M*

Millie loaded a shotgun and handed it to Moxxie with a soft kiss. Moxxie's eyes widen as a drunken partygoer tipped the table they were hiding on. The white haired imp landed on his stomach in front of more drunken people. 

"Ew! It's a fucking possum!" One shrieked. 

"Oh crumbs." muttered Moxxie as he tried to scurry away before getting caught by the dumbass who flipped the table. "I got it! Whoo-hoo!" he exclaimed, slamming Moxxie into a full beer keg, where he started, unintentionally, drinking the beer inside.   

The crowd that had Moxxie passed by Loona and Blitz. 

Blitz was still hurt by Loona's comment and turned away from Loona, who was now feeling guilty. "Uh, Blitz, I'm--" "Enjoy your break, Loonie. I'm gonna go kill something." Blitz replied, before running off. 

Loona winced, realizing her mistake. "Damn, girl, that was savage." Tex said lowly, before placing his hand on her shoulder for comfort. "You okay?" Loona's face was redder than a tomato. "I'm fine," she chuckled, "He'll get over it. He always does." 

The older hound chuckled, "I'm glad you could stick up for yourself for yourself, at least. Mm, takes guts." He nodded proudly.  "Thanks." 

*With M'n'M*

Millie ran and hid around the beach looking for Moxxie. She hid behind a beer keg before tipping it back to see Moxxie come out with a dopey smile on his face. "Moxxie!" she exclaimed.

She leaned over to look at him with concern in her eyes. "Millie!" he yelled happily, rolling over onto his back. "Hi, hey when did you get four foreheads? I wanna kiss them." He made kissy faces at her while she smiled down at him.  Millie held him close as a giant fish emerges from the ocean. 

Everyone on the beach looked at the fish in an array of emotions: shock, fear, and that 'oh, shit' expression people get when they realize that they were part of the problem. 

Humans started running and screaming as one got crushed.

Blitz was in the middle of strangling a human when he saw the fish. His eyes widen as it roared loudly. "Ooh! Fish." Moxxie drunkely giggled before the fish's tounge wrapped around the imp and ate him, as he went "wheee!" all the way around.

Millie's eyes widen before she sprung into action. She killed a human who was too drunk to run away, and used his towel and beer as a bomb, making it stumble back into the water. Millie swam after it, stabbed her way up towards it's teeth and opened it's jaw to show Moxxie punching the monster's tongue. 

Millie reached down for her husband's hand, in which he gave her a high five. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her wrist, pulled him towards her and cut the wiggling appenaged. In reaction to the pain, the monster clamped its jaws around Millie, sending Moxxie flying.

Straight into Blitz's arm. 

The human Blitz was trying to kill stood wide eyed at the two. Blitz deadpanned and took out his golden revolver and K'O'd him. 

Moxxie giggled as Millie wrestled with the monster in the ocean, each one getting hits in. "I love that woman." He hummed. "Oh, she totally pegs you, doesn't she?" Blitz smirked. 

Having enough, Millie dived down into the monster's throat and sliced him in half, making it screech loudly before it died. Panting heavily, Millie came back to the beach to Blitzo cheering for her. "Oh, yeah! Way to show off, Mills!"

"Is Mox okay?" she asked, worriedly. "Oh, yeah," the older imp dropped the younger, "He's fine." He walked away as Millie pulled Moxxie back into her arms, giggling to herself. "This is funny, I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo drinky."

"Okay, this is too wholesome for my liking." huffed the other, stiffening when someone called out to him from behind. 

"Blitzo." called Verosika, making the imp turn to see her and her crew.

"Oh perfect! That must be the whores." 

"That was rather obvious, don't you think?" Verosika smiled smugly, arms crossed. 

"I don't think this belongs to any of us." Millie threw the flask back at Verosika who caught it easily before giving it to one of her crew members. "Shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world. " She grinned devilishly. 

Moxxie started giggling hysterically. "Oh, Satan! You guys are so fucked!" 

The succubi looked at each other nervously. "Yeah, well, you three nasty ass gremlins will be in shit for not being in disguises." Verosika shot back, hand on her hip. 

Moxxie fell flat on his face at Verosika's feet before looking up at her with a glare. "A human called me a possom. I am not a possum." 

"Ya know..." Blitz started smugly, Verosika gritting her teeth, "We could keep this little bee movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space." 

Suddenly a crowd appeared on the beach, cheering loudly and chanting, "Love 16!" over and over again. "What is going on?" Blitz asked as a familiar voice came over the speakers. "Hello, New Jersey!" (Y/N) yelled into the mic, still no where to be seen. "Let's get this party started!!!!!"  Appearing on stage, coming from a cloud of smoke that showed his demon form much like Verosika, was a human (Y/N). The humans screamed loudly, seeing one of the biggest popstars appeard. 

Everyone from Hell looked on with jaws dropped and eyes wide. 

"Fine-ah." Verosika sighed, not listening to a word the older imp was saying, as Blitz cheered loudly. "Fuck yes!" Millie cheered. 

"In your face bitch! And stay away from my nephew!" Blitz yelled loudly. 

"Let's get out of here! Tex!" Verosika called. 

The two hell hounds looked over from the conversation and sighed. "Well, guess it's time to bounce." Tex said as Loona smiled hopefully, "But hey, if you're ever down to party, I'll give you a ring sometime, and tell (Y/N) to bring you around more too." 

"Really?" Loona gasped, before regaining her composure. "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, my girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parites." Loona mad a sad puppy sound but Tex didn't seem to notice her discomfort. "Nice! Can't wait for my first one." 

Vortex chuckled lowly, fist bumping Loona's shoulder in a friendly manner. "Come on, Loonie! Let's go home and pack our fat fucking car into our fat fucking space!" 

M'n'M jumped into the portal, followed by Blitz, and Loona lazily, and depressingly fell backwards into the portal. As Verosika's crew left the beach, Blitz hurriedly jumped through the portal and shot the pop demoness the double bird, making her growl and stalk off. 

"Put your hands up, you sick deviants!" A crowd of policemen shouted as the succubi and Vortex raised their hands. 

"Alright, sluts," Verosika sighed heavily, "Get ready to suck a LOT of pig dick." The group groaned in disgust and annoyance, clearly pissed. "Actually that won't be necessary, love." (Y/N) said, approaching the group with his band mates. "Huh?" Verosika asked. 

"Sorry guys," (Y/N) turned to the police with a charming smile, "the deviants you were looking for actually bounced when that monster attack happened. These are my groupies, and got lost in the chaos." 

"Oh, okay," The police chief came forward and shook (Y/N)'s hand before signaling everyone to leave. "Sorry for the mixup, Mr (Last name), won't happen again. Can I have your autograph? Ya know...for my daughter." He grinned nervously. (Y/N) rolled his eyes and signed the headshot of himself before ushering the big groups of succubi and inccubi out of eyesight to portal back to Hell.

*Back in Hell*

"Sorry, guys, I'm stealing (Y/N), we'll be back in a bit." Verosika pulled (Y/N) by the arm into a secluded space.

"Hey, love, did you like the performance?" he asked casually, admiring Verosika's human form. "Shut up. How could you not tell me you were the hot one of Love 16?!" She asked with a smirk. 

"Wait, you like Love 16?" (Y/N) asked with wide eyes and a bright smile. 

"I love them! They've written all of my favorite songs, and now that I know you're part of them, I love them even more! You are amazing, and quite honestly, fucking HOT in your human disguise." Verosika purred, kissing her lover's neck, and reaching a hand down into the other's pants.

(Y/N) groaned slightly and gripped her hips, "Damn, who knew you had a thing for humans?" He chuckled breathlessly. "Mhm, just you, hon." Verosika hummed. 

*An hour later*

(Y/N), now in his regular form, walked into I.M.P. with a grin on his face. He stopped short seeing his teammates and uncle looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"You smell like sex." Loona deadpanned as Blitz started going off but was quiteted by (Y/N) saying, "What? I'm part Incubbi remember? A demon has needs." He smirked to himself as everyone shouted something at him.

*END*

[monotonous-minutia]

I love women and working with women and women supporting women in their profession. and the fact that all my coworkers at my old job were women is not the reason I left. But at my new job there are about as many men as women (afaik I'm the only nb but I could be wrong) and it's weird but I realized I haven't had male coworkers since undergrad. So like 7 years. And not to be weird or gender stereotype-y but it's been kind of nice. Like most of my friends are girls or girl-adjacent but sometimes I feel like I get along with guys better. I know personalities and thoughts and behaviors are not strictly gender based but having guys around especially working with kids is nice. And they're not the guys like 'let me carry that for you' like they're helpful but they're not assuming I can't do something because I'm femme presenting (and tiny). I've already had some deep conservations with one of the guys there about beliefs and family and the actual state of reality. He gave me a grapefruit the first time we worked together because I said I was feeling light-headed and hadn't picked a lunch. (A whole ass unpeeled grapefruit. Apparently he eats them a lot. He said he brought 3 to work that day.) And there's one guy there who I'm like two months older than and we're awkward in the exact same way. We both take things too literally or too seriously but then turn around and give each other a hard time (good-naturedly). And idk maybe it's me being not 100% a woman myself it's nice to not be in a female only space. (I'm not out yet and tbh I don't think I'll make an effort to be. As great as it was to be out and accepted at my old job it was kind of exhausting constantly addressing it with kids and families.) But goofing around with him has seemed more natural and comfortable and I'm not walking away mentally hitting myself over whatever reaction he has. Idk maybe it's just his personality or the fact that we're the same age. but I've only been there two weeks and I already feel more connected to the team than I ever did at my old job. Not just him but everyone has been really nice and making an effort to know and include me.

Maybe I'm honeymooning and it'll end up the way it always does, with me saying something stupid that casts me out and I leave because I feel isolated and ignored. Maybe I'll be here three years and the cycle will continue and I'll never find a place where I belong because there's something fundamentally wrong with me. But for now I'm looking forward to showing up and being a part of this team and meeting the kids next week.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

OMG BPP! I just heard (and counted) that there are 13 'set me free's when the song concludes!! I'm,,, what?! I mean, it must not be a coincidence, right? I'm so delulu right now, can't think straight. Oh,,,, Jimin,,,,,,,😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 P.S. Thanks for sharing your reaction with us. It's always a delight to hear your thoughts (and know that someone is definitely freaking out with me, barely alive)

*

Ask 2:

From magnum ice cream to universal music Brazil... everyone be tweeting about his solo.

*

Ask 3: I think the dichotomy between the autotune and his regular voice and the "fuck all your opps" being in quotes (its one of the two lines quoted in the lyrics) is meant to convey Jimin having a conversation with himself that's how I understood it and tbh that's highkey the only way to interpret it in a way that makes sense cus we not bout to switch up the meaning of an actual word just cus the internet people don't understand something

***

Hi Anon(s),

Anon in ask 2, when I copy-pasted your ask the link pasted like that, I'm not sure if that works but I've linked it here too.

I went to count the "set me free" myself (because I usually check for myself whatever y'all tell me here) and by golly, you're right. There are nine 'set me free's in the chorus, four in the outro, and 13 in the final chorus + outro.

...

Hate to be the party-pooper here, but I feel it's coincidence Anon. Then again, Jimin is the same person who sings "All this is not coincidence." So who knows?

Anon in ask 3, thanks for sending in your thoughts too. I agree with you and have said more or less the same thing in previous posts. Frankly I think it's obvious how autotune is used as a narrative device and stylistic choice in the song. The only people missing it are those with an interest in 'missing' it. Or people who cannot tolerate autotune in any way, shape, or form. Sucks for them though because Jimin just dropped the song of the year.

Take breaks, stay moisturized and hydrated, treat yourself to something sweet, and stream Set Me Free Pt 2.

*

Aside, I feel the need to say this: I'm getting that rush again. That orgasmic, euphoric high when the tannies drop music designed to be perfectly wired to my wavelength. In terms of solo work, D2, JITB, Indigo, and On The Street all stimulated that rush in my head. I expected that from the rapline but to be honest, while I've liked a lot of Jimin's material (Black Swan, Dis-ease, Friends, Promise, Vibe, and you won't find a stronger defender of Christmas Love than my sobok sobok-loving ass), I've not experienced that rush with his music and I didn't expect to feel that rush with his material.

The minute I heard the autotune in Jimin's voice at the start of the song though, how it was used, the fact that right from the jump they make it impossible to miss or ignore, it's like something in my brain shifted. Jimin has blown out every doubt I ever had about him. He's exactly what I suspected is.

A freak.

And I feel a bit ashamed I had dimmer expectations to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I expected Jimin to bring the roof down and dominate, but I expected him to do that differently. Instead, Jimin has not just brought the roof down, he's obliterated the very ground the house was built on. He has quite literally ended k-pop in 2023. It is ended. We're all existing in the post-mortem universe of k-pop. Our dates now read B.J. and A.J. - Before Jimin and After Jimin. He has served all there is to serve by any man, woman, creature to ever exist in k-pop.

But thing is, I feel this way about Hobi most recently with his Vlive & OTS, Joon most recently in his El Pais interview & ig pics, and Yoongi most recently three minutes ago when my friend sent me this picture:

*

So I've been reflecting on BTS, on the fact that it is BTS who is at the very top of this unforgiving and cruel system, a status paid for by their blood, sweat, and tears, and that to have gotten to the top all seven of them were forged through fire in the process. It's comical when people comment about how BTS lacks in this or that area, because most times, it's simply not true. All seven members are extremely remarkable people. To be in a group like BTS requires nothing less. Jimin could only shine in a group like BTS, where there are members with similar intensity but distinct and dissimilar colours. And their solo projects fully highlight the value and magic they each bring to BTS.

It hit me today that I might not survive Jungkook's solo debut.

That's what I'm really saying here.

Taehyung too is going to do something very interesting, after all he is a BTS member, so I'm expecting him to shock and awe. But today I realized that Jungkook could also debut this year, and I really had to sit down and think about if I could handle it. We know Joon and Hobi are back in the studio so we might get even more music before they enlist. And then there's Yoongi's tour right after Jimin's promotions, and what if they tour together...

Just... there's so much going on. And I'm loving it.

Chapter 2 is incredible!

[rrelationshipadvice]

I've decided on leaving my partner for various reasons, a few being:

1) lack of showing interest in anything I like but pinging me & expecting me to pay attention to theirs. Literally watching me talk about things I like and proceeding to interrupt me/talk about something else while ignoring messages I sent hours earlier about something I like. zero engagement at all, no questions, no real encouragement past the same two compliments that have long since sounded completely hollow to me.

I understand that not everyone is expected to show the same enthusiasm for something that I do, but it feels like they dont care when I compare it against how I've encouraged other friends' projects/how I've listened to other friends talk about things they like & how other friends have encouraged & listened to me, especially when it comes to things they or I will never play or want to engage in as a media.

2) them holding onto very small conflicts we resolved months ago and casually mentioning how they still feel bad about it long after its solved which makes it difficult for me to bring up anything now

3) being financially irresponsible to the point that the one time I asked them for something- which was no more than $30 iirc- they didn't have the money for it. I had spent on them repeatedly in the past (they spent that money on gacha games because they didn't want to wait a few days longer to pull on something. It was time limited but not ending anytime soon, they very easily couldve waited, met their one obligation, and still been able to get the same shit out of that game. It did not go to something more important)

There's a bit more, but having sorted my thoughts and emotions, those are the big ones that came up in my mind again and again

If I were someone else these conflicts might be able to be solved, but I avoided bringing these up which is, of course, on me. Unfortunately my emotional state/opinion regarding them is now past the point of no return because every word they say irritates me and its been like this for a while. So that'll just have to be a lesson for future me to remember.

The really important part that I'm asking for advice on is how to go about it. It's a tricky situation since we're both borderline (just to clear up any confusion before it starts, im not the person who also had bpd that came through here earlier), and our primary communication is through discord since its a long distance relationship and they've been through a lot this year already (they lost three other friends in the last few months. I am now understanding why.) Both telling them straight up and blocking them without a word have their own drawbacks right now, being:

- The first friend to leave this year told my partner why & left and proceeded to get harassed on every platform alongside their friends & loved ones because my partner would not fucking stop trying to contact them. There were four people (all friends) including me telling my partner that this was not acceptable behavior and to stop but they were adamant on doing so and refused to listen to anyone. Afaik they were close to this person before they left so theres a good chance I could receive the same treatment too.

I probably shouldve taken this behavior as my sign to gtfo back then honestly, because I've been on the other end of shit like that before and it left me fucked up for a very long time. Something to add to my notes as a future 100% no questions asked dealbreaker i guess. I know its difficult with bpd considering I also have it, but the one thing I could never bear to do to someone no matter how much I hate them in the moment is evade blocks multiple times on multiple platforms trying to get them to talk to me.

I don't want my friends to have to deal with this (I havent actually told any of them that I'm planning/having thoughts of breaking up with my partner. I dont know how to go about that conversation either.) and I know that my partner knows at least two of their users and unfortunately discord has made it incredibly easy to find people through just usernames.

I've considered warning the ones im worried about getting targeted ahead of time so they can configure their settings/block my partner to avoid having to deal with any of it further down the line, but I dont know if my partner knows of their social medias too or would go so far as to make a tumblr just to harass them.

- That said, I know that ghosting/blocking without a word could go equally as badly- the most recent friend to leave did that but I don't have details on what occurred after because I was not mentally well enough to help at the time and dealing with my own unrelated breakdown. I'm probably wrong, but it makes this option seem much more appealing. I'll probably warn my friends and give them the user to block ahead of time either way, honestly.

They've said before that if someone leaves them (platonically or romantically) they want a reason but having seen what happened when the first person gave them one and left I'm not sure any reason or conversation that doesnt end with "ill give you another chance"/"ill stay" would be good enough for them. I honestly dont trust them not to try picking apart any reasons I give them rather than just accepting it

I just don't know where to go from here, any guidance at all would be much appreciated!!!

.

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

We're Floyd's little shrimpy though T~T they're just from a diffrent world to! Like you said eatnor be eaten. I'd like to think after a few years and learning how it's difrent on the land they'd be a little less... blazing red flag like. They have there moments where it hits them. Right? Or am I just blinded by rose tinted glasses???

SWEET?!?!?! ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME TWEELS?!?!?! /j

In all seriousness, I'm gonna try and break down these, lmao

Firstly, the Tweels and Azul have been on land for about two years maximum. All three are Sophomores and none of them (presumably in the Tweels case) joined the organization that allows transition from sea to land until Azul got accepted into NRC. The training course for adaptability is about a month long from what I remember, which is shorter than any Basic Military Training in the U.S.. So, given that it's only a month, we're not even done with their Sophomore year yet, and the timeframe of acceptance letters, I'd stick with my two years MAXIMUM

But, even given that information, it doesn't feel like they're changing their behaviour anymore than it takes to stay out of trouble, at least in Jade's case. Floyd doesn't seem to care what anyone thinks about him anyways

Jade's façade of being the polite and reasonable twin is just that: a façade. In his Ceremonial Robes vignette, we see him hand a list of information on the new students to Azul, including any secret accounts they have. This is obviously for negotiating and leveraging purposes. It's a lot easier to get dirt or information on someone when they don't see you as an active threat and see you as helpful and polite. He's also the one that says young mers go missing every year on Halloween, so loss of life is something they're probably pretty desensitized to. Also, while doing research, it turns out that Floyd/Azul don't eat anything Jade cooks for two weeks after his mountain excursions. Though, whether it's because he'll also give them poisoned mushrooms or just the inherent dislike of mushrooms (with Floyd, at least), it's not exactly specified

Out of the two, Floyd's the most likely to be 'sweet' simply cause of mood swings. If he feels like being nice and helpful, he will be, but the chances of that happening seem to be very low. He mostly goes between chaotic and antagonistic to lethargic and irritable. The 'sweetest' I've seen him is when he gives Epel advice/chats with him during Beansfest where he talks to himself about how he mostly just did it because he wants to fight Epel one day. He literally says he likes seeing people who are cocky beg, and, given NRC's reputation for having an ego problem, he's got an abundance of people to knock down all the pegs

That's not to mention the fact that I don't think either have had any friendships or relationships outside of Azul and family, and Floyd very blatantly hates being chastized or lectured, so any attempt to correct his abhorrent behaviour is likely going to leave you being threatened or ignored. So, yeaaaah. Unfortunately, the boys are not exactly Sour then Sweet like Sour Patch Kids

Sorry if this ruined your day, lmao

[dyandyan0]

two month and two week check-in? 11.12.2024

i can't believe the year is already coming to an end. i feel conflicted about how this year went, i think for the most part i have few regrets and still have a positive outlook for the future for myself. that isn't to say that i haven't had my moments. i do feel though, at this moment specifically, over something a bit stupid and predictable, that i have improved sosososososo much in terms of coping and acceptance than 2022. i am no longer crashing out over things that were pretty obvious from the start. i mean i still have feelings but i'm only human and so is everybody else.

no more being vague though, its been a week since the election. 12 years of trump in politics during my formative years has given me a very bleak perception of politics and the state of the world. i think a factor as to why i'm a bit more numb to other peoples actions lately is because i have been tending to compare my trivial problems to actual problems that people face in this country and the world. i know that probably isn't good from a therapists viewpoint, despite people going through harder times i shouldn't just ignore my own feelings, but in some ways i have to just see it as i gotta be grateful i live in a place where i don't feel like my rights are being super threatened (california for clarification). i was so overwhelmed post election on thursday i started to cry in my car. i fr shed liberal tears. i think it was totally valid though because here's a secret: a part of me is starting to really hate men. and not in a i've been burned by guys in relationships in the past way, because i'm a firm believer that girl's can just be just as bad when it comes to romance, but i was just feeling so sick with how the election turned out. i cried because i remembered myself in middle school, learning about abortion laws and practicing pro-choice debates to advocate for women's healthcare during a time where it didn't even seem like it was even really being threatened. i cried because i have so many friends and women that i have met that have personally shared stories to me of being sa'd and harassed. i cried because i have my own experiences. and now our president is a man who has openly said he would have relations with his own daughter, a man who comfortably said he could just grab women by the pussy, a man who has not one, not two, but 26 sa allegations against him? we're telling our daughters that all that doesn't matter, you can still become the president of the united states despite having that type of character. what does that tell our already red-pilled brain rotted sons? that we can look up to that kind of behavior? that they can get away with it?

i already cried over it, so i'm not going to again, i know that people out there are trying hard to have high hopes despite the outcome of the election. of course i don't think it's the end of the world. i'm just sad. i'm sad that we treat women so badly. i'm sad that we can't just go out alone without having to be hyper-aware of our surroundings. it's hard to feel empowered as a women when all men do is find ways to knock us down. FUUUCCK nick fuentes

i'm genuinely, in every way possible, so thankful for the friends i have made up to this point. i think i said it before here, but it's easy to take their care and concern for granted when you're caught up with life and other relationships. i hung out with motus, len, and andy on sunday night and while we kept clowning him for it, motus got shitfaced and kept repeating how much he 'needed this' and was happy he was being reunited with us. it was seriously the most fun i've had in awhile, and with people that i love dearly. those two literally were my ride or dies end of high school/ early college and quarantine, and i feel as though if i hadn't have had them during my lowest points then i really really don't know where i'd be. the three of us haven't gathered in years at this point because we've all been moving all over the place and getting caught up in work and school, but hanging out with them felt like i was in high school again (in a good way)

so to conclude, i think things will be alright for me, despite passing feelings that the world is falling apart around me.

last quick note, i really thought my attention span was cooked, but i spent all my free time reading this weekend. i finished whered you go bernadette (~350 pg), a book thats been sitting on my shelf for years, in one sitting. it was super fun to read, and i thought it was a sweet story. it was a lot more fun for me to read too because it's based in seattle and i understood a bunch of references regarding that. spoilers though, the only complaint i have about the book was the affair apart. because like why. i think ppl on reddit were also just like they could've voided that part and it still would've been just as good. i feel like the consensus with characters in media cheating is that the character feels irredeemable, which is true imo. i remember reading somewhere that both chandler from friends and jim from the office were supposed to have cheating storylines, but fought against them because they were like i don't think the audience is going to see them the same anymore. they were right for that

i also started tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. i got half way through and it's amazing so far. i'm just kind of scared cause everyone's saying how sad it is in the end. i'll probably talk about it when i finish it.

i don't know if i'll remember to update before the year ends, i leave for the philippines on dec 15 so we'll see!

[aintnobutterflygirl]

August 13 2024, 5:12pm

I've been texting with my ex for the past two days- yesterday it was great, it felt like I finally had some closure. I still have questions that are unanswered, but I thought whatever, I don't mind. I'm satisfied with where we're at. Reading what he said this morning though just left me feeling miserable. I've been swinging between depressed and completely empty since then.

Yesterday we talked about how I am still very much in love with him and want him to be a part of my life, and I'm not expecting anything from it except for friendship. He said he still has feelings for me and doesn't think that being friends is possible, that in order for us to feel comfortable we need to lose our love for each other. I completely disagree, and I think this is unfair. He's asking me to wait months, years, just so he doesn't feel "uncomfortable"? And how so? What does that mean? I didn't ask what he meant by that and I didn't push it, because I didn't want to frustrate him with a ton of questions, or by seeming annoying. I also hate talking over text, but the past three times I've tried talking over the phone with him it hasn't worked, so I've given up on that idea. I'm fairly certain he doesn't want to hear my voice. I told him I don't want to lose my love for him- also, it's not something I can control. It's not like it's a switch in my body.

Today he mentioned that he had gone on a date with someone, and I misunderstood and thought it was a sexy date. He clarified that it wasn't. I remember so many times in the early days of us "dating" he would talk about one of his fantasies was to fuck as many girls as he could, a different girl every night or multiple times a day if he could, to get a ton of experience. This was before I admitted I had feelings for him so I would just say "Haha yeah cool" and feel miserable on the inside. Given his feelings about that, I assumed he would feel that way now that he's single. He said that he doesn't have much of a sex drive now- but when it comes back, he would like to do that. And at first I was like yeah, that's to be expected. But the more I thought about what he said, the more I realized that he's basically saying that he would rather fuck literally anyone else- multiple anyone elses at that- than even attempt to see me again, if even for a second. I miss him so fucking much, I have an empty pit full of heartache in my body where he used to be and I bear that every day, he was my best friend, and instead of just wanting to salvage the almost four years of friendship we had he'd rather ignore it and pretend I don't exist because it makes him "uncomfortable". He is going out of his way to pretend I don't exist, and it's excruciating. After I told him all of my deep lovey dovey feelings he told me "I love you... just not romantically" that's the equivalent of telling someone you think of them as your sister. I just feel so fucking broken.

My family used to tell me how unlovable I was, they literally beat it into me until it was the only thing I knew or believed. Every time I'm in a relationship I think I'm happy, this is finally it, the curse is broken. I'm not unlovable, everyone was wrong, I'll show them. And I try to give my all, I try to give all the love that I was never shown. I try to love how I want to be loved. But in the end it's always "I thought I loved you... it was just infatuation." Or "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." Every day I feel smaller and smaller and want to crawl inside of myself. I want to curl up like I did as a kid when I would hide in the closet and cry myself to sleep and pray over and over again that when I woke up, it was all just a dream. I want to forget.

[felikatze]

man. i just had. a dream of all time for sure.

like in my dream. i was siffrin. which is not too unusual since i'm never myself in dreams (all my dreams are usually in third person, even when i'm me in them) and have been playing insane amounts of isat. and i (or sif, i guess), had a job as like, monster exterminator? and they lived in this super depressing town, in a shitty tiny house, ans his only joy was getting zucchini from a communty garden, except he had to physically restrain himself from tearing apsrt the plant.

this apparently continues for some loops, because i see them go to the garden a couple times. at some point they get accosted by two gruff monkeys (like, literal chimpanzees wearing shirts), and one of them holds him by the collar and goes off at them for trapping everybody in a timeloop, and only he (the monkey man) can tell, and his brother (the other monkey man) cannot, and then he gestures angrily into the distance and says like, "That's why we're out here, and not in that tower." (there is a wizard tower, presumably where the monkey men lived.) Siffrin cries a little bit and then wakes up in his shitty house to discover the toilet broke.

anyway, so they go inside this huge fucking apartment building, and enter an apartment with just like, my family, in it. my mom and dad and sibling. and then it's hanging out. except remember the monster exterminator part. because my dad turns into this giant meaty goop monster, like a fusion of mitty from made in abyss and nothing there from lobcorp. giant meat mound tearing up the place.

and as monster exterminator, sif TRIES to fight my monster dad, except their itty hitty knife doesn't do much. so he calls for help from a monster extermination hotline, except the line is busy, and expected wait time is half an hour. i remember at one point in this whole dream debacle (i, or sif, or whoever our esteemed protagonist is) gets a whatsapp message asking for help on a school assignment (very normal occurence for me) and just texts back I HAVE BIGGER PROVLEMS RIGHT NIW like with more typos and everything, because of the whole running for their life thing.

so sif, my mom, and my sister escape, and run outside. it's suddenly no longer the trash city, but the actual street i live in. the three run away from My Actual House until the street turns into a field (it does not, in real life), and they come across a former classmate and friend of mine (have not seen her in two years), who apparently was the one to text me (she obviously was not, but the dream wanted continuity), and she walked the opposite direction TOWARD meat monster papa. sif told her that, but she ignored him, and kept walking.

then, the trio comes upon a steep hill. down the hill is a fucking train station in Stinky City (if you know, you know), because of course it is. the three roll down the hill to the train station, at which point in the dream i'm myself again, because i suddenly have both of my backpacks on me, and also my mom is gone. my sister and i stand at the station and try to figure out which train i need to take (it's a wild jumble of train lines i'n actually familiar with), and i realize one of my backpacks has the tv remote in it, so i hand it to my sibling and enter the next train.

the train is packed, and everyone inside is glaring at me, but i do find an empty seat, sit down, and then i wake up.

other things that featured in this dream, for some fucking reason

hikari from octopath 2 holding a musical number in his flamenco dancer outfit, making this the third musical dream i've ever had

oh, also, after i woke up, i went back to sleep, because i woke up at 7am, and only have to get up at 9 today. so in my SECOND dream, it was isat again, except actually in dormont, except the colors were inversed like the house. sif wakes up, and is frantic, because what the fuck happened? so he runs thru town, and eventually finds bonnie, who doesn't recognize them? and then bonnie says, like, that siffrin must be a result of their wish, because bonnie is to be crowned king of vaugarde (???) but doesn't want to, and wished for somebody else to do it.

and then i woke up, again. wild. thanks dreams. i can feel the new insomnia era creeping up on me already.

[sea-of-dandelions]

...................... *deep inhale*